#Not that I should've been hard but last year I somehow set it wrong and they almost starved so

[earanie]

you know when one day before going away _everything_ than can happen, happens?

spoiler alert: it is happening

[minminyoonjii]

Corruption AU - Bottom! Dance Racha/Manipulative Male! Reader

💕Drabble Masterlist

❤️Ultimate Masterlist

You sighed, leaning against your locker, biting on the end of a lollipop stick. It was usual to see you roaming around the hallway during classes. The teachers gave you a special pass since your results are excelling. You yawned, watching students come in and out into the hallway when a group of boys walked in. Their uniforms are seamless, their hair tidy and smooth. 

You eyed the blonde one, his eyes sparkling with innocent joy. His cheeks decorated with freckles, adding to the alluring sight. You looked next to him, his eyes icy but proper. He looks like he holds himself high. A teacher's pet. Then you looked at the last. He was the definition of the last but not least. Tall, an artist. There was a smudge of paint on his cheeks, making you bite back a smirk. 

You eyed him up and down, his ears pierced, and his hair tied to a ponytail. You gave them a subtle glance as they walked closer. Your expression stayed nonchalant as they walked past. It's been a while since you got laid in university. Maybe you could somehow lure them into agreeing with themselves.

"I know you're doing this on purpose," your lecturer chastised, showing you your results. You sighed, "I'm not sir, the workload is getting harder," you replied, trying to keep your annoyance at bay. Your lecturer frowned, "This isn't your first year, you should've prepared and your answers are deliberately wrong. It's like you understood the question but answered the total opposite," he scoffed, tapping his foot. 

You snickered, "Maybe I need a tutor," you said with sarcasm lacing your voice. "Maybe you do," your lecturer perked up. 'Bingo' you thought, staying nonchalant. "I'm introducing you to three students, maybe they'll be a good influence on you," he said, messaging them about the tutoring. You bit back a smirk, "I'm sure they will be," you said, packing up your bag.

"You're our new pupil, right?" Felix beamed, reaching out his hand. You nodded, taking it. The size difference between you made your cock throb. You smiled back, "Yeah, my results have been disappointing, to say the least," you said, playing along to their personalities. Minho hummed, "It's quite a significant drop. Did something happen to you in that period of time?" he asked, wary by your behavior. 

You studied them beforehand, nothing too stalkerish. You were still a gentleman, just base level knowledge. "My pet cat passed. It was heartbreaking, to say the least," you said, showing him a picture of your cat. It wasn't a lie. It did pass, just not this year. Minho bit his bottom lip, sympathizing with your loss, "I'm so sorry. I would've lost focus too," he admitted, setting his papers aside. 

Hyunjin kept quiet, monitoring you, "You're the one that got the special pass, right? The one that only the top students are allowed to have," he said, crossing his arms. You nodded, "I was until I flunked my midterms and trials," you explained, knowing it'd be harder to gain his trust. Hyunjin hummed, "I suppose we could tutor you. But don't expect us to be friends," he said, looking away. You gave him a genuine smile, "Thank you, I'm looking forward to it," you said, covering your pulsing hard on with your bag. 

Weeks go by as they tutored you. It didn't take long for them to get comfortable around it and even invite you for simple hangs out. You enjoyed the company, genuinely seeing them for who they are instead of mindless future hookup. "So, today we're practically simple bacteria containment. It's just step by step to keep it secure. Like the fume hood or the vacuum chamber," Felix explained, showing his notebook. 

You nodded, jolting along, "Can we take a break after this?" You asked, cracking the joints in your neck. Felix nodded, "Sure, it's about time anyway," he said, keeping his stationary aside. You cuddled up to Felix, "You're so soft, Yongbok-ah," you grumbled, nosing his neck. Felix giggled, "That tickles," he said, squirming right above your bulging tent. You hissed, holding him firm, "Stop that," you warned, breathing heavily against his hair. 

Felix gulped, doing as told, "Sorry," he whispered, fidgeting with his hands. You sighed, patting his head, "You did nothing wrong, it's just I'm a little pent up right now," you explained, seeing a shiver go down Felix's spine. You smirked, "Would you like to see?" you asked, knowing this was a heavy risk. Felix nodded, his breathing shallow, "Please? If you allow, of course," he asked, turning to look up at you. 

"Anything you want, prince," you whispered, stroking his cheek.

NSFW BELOW CUT

Felix kneeled between your legs, your cock heavy and hot against your torso, "It's so girthy," he whispered, trying to wrap his hand around it but it barely held half. You chuckled, stroking his hair, "Maybe you're just tiny, prince. Tiny hands, tiny body, but your heart sure is big," you teased, booping his nose. 

Felix giggled, stroking your cock at a languid pace, "Does this feel good?" he asked, looking for your reassurance. You nodded, "Of course it hah does," you groaned, wrapping your hand around his to pump your cock. Felix gulped at the size difference, his eyes blown wide with lust at the squelching sounds of precum leaking down your shaft. 

Hyunjin whimpered, feeling left out as he watched from the stairs. You knew he was there, his reflection was shown on the TV a while ago. "Hyunnie, come down here, angel," you cooed, gesturing him over. Hyunjin gulped but did as told his body instantly going next to Felix. You cooed, seeing his flushed out expression, "Were you feeling needy, angel? Did you want to touch it too?" you asked, stroking his cheek. 

Hyunjin nodded, rutting his bulge against his palm, "Can you teach us this time?" he asked, looking up at you with dilated pupils. You shuddered an exhale, "Definitely. You both have so much to learn," you said, stroking his hair.

"That's it, Lix. Keep riding that dildo," you instructed, grazing Felix's skin. Hyunjin cried out, his cock buried down Felix fluttering throat. His cockhead leaking and throbbing with precum. Felix whimpered at the taste, his prostate stimulated to the brink. "Fuck, hhgh, hah. Don't moan, Lix," he sobbed, clawing the couch. Felix whined, trying but the constant thrusts of the dildo pressing against his sensitive bundles of nerves made his head spin. 

Hyunjin whined, bucking his hips, "Cumming, hah, I'm cumming," he wailed, holding down Felix's head to the hilt. Felix choked on his cum, streaks of white dripped down his nose. You gently pulled him off and cleaned his face, "Blow," you instructed as he blew his nose. Hyunjin laid spent, his cock twitching against his torso. You chuckled, leaning down to wrap your hand around Felix's pretty cocklet, "Cum for me, prince. I know your prostate feels good but your body hasn't ejaculated from that pleasure before," you cooed, pumping his cock between your fist. 

Felix arched his back, sitting back on his heels as ropes of white squirted onto Hyunjin's knees. You pampered, kisses on his face, "Good boys, you did so good for your first lesson," you praised, not hearing the door unlock. Minho stood with his eyes wide, "What's going on?" he asked, trying to look away from your pulsing hard cock. You chuckled, "Minnie, don't look away. I like your eyes on me," you cooed, knowing Minho is a size queen. 

He hides his search history well but keeps his yaoi manhwas' on display thinking no one would know what they are. Minho scoffed, "Show some decency. I want no part of your endeavours," he said, setting the groceries aside. You stepped back, "If you really hate it, say the word peach. If you're wary but find all this attractive, say the word apple," you said, wanting to have a taste of him but you're demure, very mindful. 

Minho gulped, gripping the counter, "Apple," he said, biting his bottom lip. You smiled, "I'll take good care of you, kitten," you hummed, leaning Minho to the rest.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. You're so tight," you hissed, gripping Minho's hips as he bounced on your lap. Minho whimpered, loving the sheer stretch of your hot veiny cock penetrating his puffy rim. You licked his chest, "You're such a dirty boy, aren't you. Your little hole had to be plugged up every day, didn't it?" You mocked, nipping his nipples. It was a shock to everyone when you undressed Minho only to see a pretty little jewel between his plump ass. 

Minho nodded, clawing your torso, "Yes, yes. Feel empty hhgh without it," he whined, riding your perfectly curved cock to pounded against his prostate. Felix mewled, pinned to the couch by Hyunjin, "Jinnie, your tongue is so long," he cried out, his ribbed walls stimulated by Hyunjins through thrusts. Hyunjin sucked on Felix's rim, "You taste so sweet baby," he groaned, marking Felix's inner thighs. 

You growled, thrusting your hips upwards to meet Minho's bounces, "Good kitten. You're so good for me. You're all mine now, understood. I'm never letting you all go," you  rambled, thrusting into Minho at a relentless pace. Minho screamed, cumming onto your torso at the sheer intensity. You bit his shoulder, groaning into his skin as you climaxed deep within his hole. Minho whimpered, slumping into your arms, "That felt amazing," he mewled, licking  the cum of your pec. 

You kissed his forehead, "Thank you for giving in," you chuckled, hearing Felix whimper from his high. Hyunjin pulled away, cumming into his palm, "Fuck, I don't think I can move," he groaned, feeling his knees lock up from kneeling too long. You chuckled, "Don't worry, I'll do the rest. Just enjoy the bliss for a bit longer, my loves. I'll take care of you," you whispered, sinking into the post-orgasmic haze.

[a-writer-on-elm-street]

Heyyy, idk of ur requests are open but if they are can u please write a dean Winchester x ex girlfriend smut who is a hunter and who dean is still not over. Sam and Dean rescue her from a vampire nest and dean is angry and worried after her and she's all like "stop acting like you care" and he says something like I'll show u how much I care" + angst + kinda enemies x lovers + dark dean? + marking ; ( set in early seasons llke;1,2,3)

a/n: my requests are open but if you're ever unsure, i do have a post that'll tell you everything you need to know in terms of my requests. and i can absolutely write that, thank you so much for the request! <3

also, if i'm being honest, i didn't even know what marking was so i really hope i got it right aha.

pairing: dean x ex-girlfriend!reader

warnings: smut, angst, enemies to lovers, marking

word count: 821

"Just come on." Dean growled, marching on ahead of you as you lagged behind. "We gotta get back to the car."

You'd infiltrated a vamp nest, and you had everything under control, until Sam and Dean blundered in. That was when things went wrong.

"You know I had everything under control back there." You told him, making him come to an abrupt stop. "If you hadn't barged in like a dumbass I'd have been fine."

He turned around then, seemingly insulted by your words. "If I hadn't barged in, you'd be dead."

"Bullshit!" You spat. "I don't need you to protect me."

"Well if you weren't so damn stupid then maybe I wouldn't have to!"

"Oh shut up. We're not even together anymore so stop acting like you care."

"Alright, just...come on." He paused. "Let's get back to the car, and we can talk about this later."

He reached out in an attempt to wrap his fingers around your forearm, but you quickly jerked away, denying him.

"Okay, fine. You wanna know how much I care?" He blurted out in response, his eyes going wide with frustration. "I haven't been able to get you outta my damn head for months, okay? And I freakin' hate myself for even thinking about you, because I shouldn't give a crap, but I just can't help it."

Silence pressed in over you both then, and you felt as though you were being crushed as you stood staring at him in the dark, his previous words becoming trapped in your mind.

You wanted to hate him. You wanted to walk away from him tonight and never think about him again, except you knew that would never be possible.

It didn't matter how much space you put between you and him, because you would always remain shackled to him, your heart hopelessly pining after him.

After a moment, you were finally able to will yourself to move forward, taking the few short steps toward him before taking his face in your hands. You pulled him down to you, kissing him gently.

And you were both surprised by this, because considering the circumstances, you probably should've been punching him in the face rather than kissing him.

But oh, how you'd missed that beautiful face, the feel of his soft lips against yours. It was like coming home.

You sighed into his mouth, sliding your hands into his hair as you deepened the kiss, feeling his fingers digging into your hips as he slowly pushed you backwards. It took a mere few steps before your back hit the rough bark of a tree and you could already feel yourself melting into him.

Dean pressed a harsh kiss against your lips then before dragging his mouth down your neck, sucking hard enough to leave bruises as he made his way to your collarbone.

It had only been a couple of months since you'd last seen each other, yet somehow it felt like years as you practically devoured each other, Dean's body pressing hard against you as you desperately tugged on his hair.

He groaned into your skin and it was like electric coursing through you. God you had missed him.

It didn't take him long to find his way down to your jeans, his calloused fingers slipping under the waistband as he continued pressing harsh kisses along your throat.

"Oh my god, Dean!" You cried out, your need for him growing stronger with every move he made against you.

He simply snickered, pulling back just enough that he could manage to pull your jeans down your legs. "You ready for me to show you just how much I care?"

"Yes." You breathed out, squeezing your eyes shut as you leaned your head back against the bark. "Please."

He barely even gave you time to prepare before he was pushing himself inside you, making you cry out from the momentary sting.

"Jesus Christ." You whined, desperately clutching his shoulders as he thrusted inside you, pushing you further against the tree. "Dean."

"I know." He whispered into your neck, the sensation of his lips brushing your skin somehow making this all the more pleasurable.

He continued to slap his hips up into you, your groans filling the night air as you clung to each other, his fingers digging into your hips whilst you clutched the thick material of his jacket.

Being this close to Dean again felt incredible, the feeling of him deep inside of you setting your soul on fire. You had forgotten what this felt like, and you weren't sure you were willing to lose it again.

"I love you." You moaned, your breath catching in your throat as you pressed your forehead into his shoulder. "Oh my God."

"I love you too." Dean groaned in response, attempting to bury himself deeper inside you. "You have no idea how much I missed you."

"I think I have some idea."

[Main Masterlist]

[peppersjam]

My Top 10 Albums of 2022

Like I hoped/hypothesized in my Top 10 last year, moving to Austin (and COVID at least temporarily easing up) brought me back to live music. I saw Snail Mail, Jose Gonzalez, Bon Iver, Andrew Bird with Iron and Wine, Bartees Strange, a smorgasbord of amazing acts on one hot Friday at Austin City Limits, and a handful of delightful local artists. The Bon Iver show affected me in a completely unexpected way, and triggered a year-long obsession with i,i and 22, a million, two albums that I had filed away as somehow lesser than For Emma and the self-titled. Googles "Bon Iver tour" again.

Kendrick finally released a new album and I completely bounced off of it after a few listens. I guess having the insta-cortisol-injection of "We Cry Together" on the tracklist is a problem for me. The new Arctic Monkeys album was also a bit of a disappointment. As it stands, it's my least favorite album of theirs. I'm sure I'll give both of these another shot, though. They'll probably pop up under the heading of "what was I thinking?" five years from now.

My pre-2022 albums that should've made their respective lists were heavily influenced by my reading Dan Ozzi's "Sellout." - Against Me! – "Transgender Dysphoria Blues" (2013) rocks SO HARD and checks so many boxes for me. Where can I get more folk-punk? - Jimmy Eat World – "Clarity" (1999) in some alternate universe where I started blogging at 10 rather than slightly older than that. - Cory Wong. I'm cheating here. I don't particularly care for his albums as a format, but his shockingly highly-produced YouTube show includes compelling, virtuosic funk/bluegrass/big-band/whatever performances, like this one with Sierra Hull which I have watched a silly number of times.

I had 8(!) runners up this year but that stretches the definition beyond the editorial standards of this fine publication, so I've narrowed it down to 3:

Angel Olsen – "Big Time" (may have cracked the list if I didn't miss the AO/SVE concert for a last-minute vacation)

Beach House – "Once Twice Melody" (Beach House doesn't excite me at all as a music listener – call it a hangover of an uninspiring show several years ago – but this album, like most of their music, is irresistible)

Delicate Steve – "After Hours" (do I love Delicate Steve only because of the name? Absolutely not.)

10. Sharon Van Etten – We've Been Going About This All Wrong

Finally! An SVE album released in the era of me being a massive SVE fan. I wrote about this earlier, but she was my go-to through the first two years of COVID. We've Been Going About This All Wrong doesn't quite reach the highs of Remind Me Tomorrow, but I still find myself getting lost in the album every time I listen to it.

9. Plains – I Walked with You a Ways

According to my driver's license and my voter registration, I'm a Texan. To follow up Saint Cloud, this time as Plains (with Jess Williamson as a partner in crime), Katie Crutchfield is pushing even further in the Americana/Country direction, giving me the gift of a comfortable nest to curl up into in my new environs. Yes, I have played this album, several times, loud, while driving through hill country west of Austin. It works.

8. PUP – The Unraveling of PUPTHEBAND

It feels good to like an emo band that is still making (good) albums. I'm not sure why I hadn't heard of PUP before this year, but they started popping up all over the place as I started poking around during my read of "Sellout." The first 5 tracks here are my favorite 5 song run of the year.

7. MUNA – MUNA

The most magical musical moment of the year for me was in March. We were at Mañana getting a coffee one Friday afternoon, and we saw a stage being set up on its courtyard. It was during SXSW, so that much wasn't unexpected. We Googled and realized that MUNA would be playing later that day. We walked back after work and saw a tiny, free, incredible MUNA show. They played a bunch of songs off of the yet-unreleased new album, and it was obvious that the album would be packed with exquisite pop morsels. June 2022: it was, and it was good.

6. Big Thief – Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You

Big Thief are not doing anything flashy. They're not reinventing rock. They're not subverting the indie folk moniker. Like virtuosic short story authors, they're crafting small, isolated worlds within each song, giving the listener only as much as they need. Adrianne Lenker is not just a genius writer (as I've mentioned before) but a ruthless editor. I'm saying this about an album that has 20 tracks. Maybe I need a ruthless editor.

5. Carly Rae Jepsen – The Loneliest Time

The title track, a.k.a. "The Loneliest Time feat. Rufus Wainwright," a.k.a. the one song that I drove around the block for to hear the end of this year (apologies Earth, the Prius c was mostly in EV mode), a.k.a I guess I like disco now?

With each CRJ release I prepare myself to be underwhelmed. It just doesn't seem like she could continue to release crisp, zeitgeist-defying pop albums. While I was intrigued that she worked with Rostam for "Western Wind," I was left feeling "meh" when the single dropped, which further reduced my expectations. The album releasing on the same day as Taylor Swift's Midnights was trial by fire, and I listened to "The Loneliest Time" on repeat for a total of twice as many plays as Midnights. Take that for data!

4. Black Country, New Road – Ants From Up There

The most significant musical discovery of 2022 for me is the UK Experimental Rock scene that is producing BCNR and Jockstrap. I don't think it's a cohesive "thing" to discover, but anytime I hear that some members of a band met at some artsy school in the UK (like the XX) and/or someone somehow shows up on multiple albums on this list in a single year (Georgia Ellery, how?), I take notice. More than any other album on this list, when I listen to this one, I want to talk or write about it. I wouldn't be surprised if I listen to and laud it 18 years from now the same way I listen to and laud Arcade Fire's Funeral today.

3. Bartees Strange – Farm to Table

If I write out a description of the styles of each song on this album, it doesn't sound like it would be cohesive or even compelling. Bartees pulls inspirations from bands like Bon Iver and The National so directly that it's practically pastiche. It's not though: Bartees injects so much of himself into the music that it's unmistakably him. The fact that he finds inspiration from so many places and is so excited to share them all with us is a feature, not a bug. I selfishly hope that his next album is more cohesive, but I can't argue with the results of his earnestness so far.

2. Animal Collective – Time Skiffs

Animal Collective's 2004-2009 run of LPs (Sung Tongs, Feels, Strawberry Jam, and Merriweather Post Pavilion) were pivotal to (a) the indie scene as a whole and, more importantly, (b) me in 2009 once I decided that I shouldn't just listen to The Beatles for the entirety of college. I did not expect to ever love or get lost in an AnCo album again the way I did with those 4. But here we are: "Time Skiffs" is inching its way toward the top of my Animal Collective tier list. This record does what all good Animal Collective records do: it absorbs me. It pulls me in with soundscapes and timbral oddities, and then dunks me in a pool of melody. If you're imagining an art rock shampoo ad, then you're on the right track. Every single track on Time Skiffs does this with a shocking efficiency.

Or, to put it in their own words, from their Bandcamp page:

Time Skiffs’ nine songs are love letters, distress signals, en plein air observations, and relaxation hymns, the collected transmissions of four people who have grown into relationships and parenthood and adult worry. But they are rendered with Animal Collective’s singular sense of exploratory wonder. Harmonies so rich you want to skydive through their shared air, textures so fascinating you want to decode their sorcery, rhythms so intricate you want to untangle their sources. Here is Animal Collective's past two decades, still in search of what’s next.

Why do I bother?!

1. Jockstrap – I Love You Jennifer B

I already explained my general fascination with this thread of music (see my notes on Ants From Up There above). It's my favorite album of the year, over the near-perfect Animal Collective album for reasons that I will try to explain but don't completely make sense to me.

Hearing "Glasgow" for the first time flipped a switch in my brain that is un-flip-back-able. I need to listen to "Glasgow" as many times as possible.

If "Glasgow" wasn't that song, "Concrete Over Water" would've been. It's incidental that I heard "Glasgow" first.

I have neutral-to-negative feelings about violin in rock music. "That's dumb and unjustifiable," this album screams at me, politely.

The songs on this album sound simple, hiding their depth. The album forces me to alternate between close listening (specific production choices, structure, melodic riffs, lyrics, and on and on) and a total immersion.

Ok, fine. The shift at 1:15 of Glasgow.

[bells-of-black-sunday]

The rabbit really had no idea what to do. He really hadn't had a single relationship that lasted and even then... he'd never seen Haru so distressed. All of this for what? Because Tarhos couldn't just be a decent person and open up about things? How hard was that even? not very, Aita was always way too open about himself, but he couldn't imagine even finding that hard and still not telling the person you've been dating for over a year. Who fucking does that? No one, but Haru's shitty boyfriend apparently. Only a matter of time before any of this happens and he'd be here to hold him when he needed it.

Still he sat silently offering his hand across the coffee table for his best friend to hold if he needed it.

Tarhos really wasn't expecting him to pick up, his foot impatiently tapping with each buzz until he had resigned himself to just checking on him throughout the night. That's when he heard him pick up- The gasp left his lips before he could stop it and he had to stop himself even harder from shooing Robin away though he knew Haru could hear him. Robin hadn't done anything wrong. This was his fuck up. He was the one that let him go, not to say he didn't try to stop him. Asking him over and over if everything was okay and telling him he should stay, but it's not like he was going to force him to be anywhere he didn't want to be.

The way Haru's voice wavered made his heart ache and he leaned against the wall holding the phone closer as he curled up on himself, "Haru-" He wanted to be there to comfort him, but even he knew he couldn't just be at Aita's apartment instantly as badly as he wanted and even more so: He wasn't even sure if that was the right idea. He had no idea what even set his boyfriend off and made him so upset at dinner to begin with. That was probably the issue... he should know. Haru used to tell him everything and now it feels like a struggle just to keep him home.

"Haru, I'm sorry. I-" he pauses trying to get his head in order, "I'm sorry I should've noticed how upset you were earlier or tried to make you stay harder. I-I don't know. Was it something Robin said? Do you need me to come pick you up? I'm worried." Worry was an understatement. The bodyguard hadn't felt this anxious in so long he couldn't even remember the last time. Maybe it was when he opened up to Robin about everything?

Or before, but this somehow was worse for him than watching people die. He really couldn't forgive himself for fucking up the one good thing he had in his life, but.... he could try to salvage what was left.

His head swam through a thick fog, distortions became the weighing pressure over him as he tried to find a sense of stability, for land to form under his feet instead of the fathomless depths constantly churning under his wandering mind. Haruko could only break the surface by clinging desperately onto Aita's words, each one a tether leading him upwards into the light. He was here. He was fine. Haruko was sitting down in Aita's apartment, safe from the rain and still somehow the thought of Tarhos letting him leave alone - did he care about him at all? How could he when Robin was his number one priority. That Robin got him to talk about his issues like his boss was Tarhos' own conscience. Of course - it wasn't as though he could ever compare to that, he would never be able to truly know his boyfriend like Robin did.

Tarhos would never let him in.

"I don't  ━ " The buzzing in his pocket quickly took his attention away, somehow in that moment he knew it was Tarhos; and he sat for a moment … unsure. Haruko rattled the option in his head, was he mentally ready to get into whatever sludge was about to be poured over him? What if he didn't answer - no - Tarhos would panic, he loved him. He loved him. Right? Otherwise he wouldn't have called - it was mortifying to be so naked in his emotions, the alcohol in his system stripping him of his walls and defenses. Dark eyes traveled down to his phone as his hand slipped into view. Of course he was reaching for it, and he felt so stupid for it.

He caught it on its final toll, swiping his thumb across the screen and opening the electronic pathway to link the both of them. Even then he didn't speak, his mouth clamped shut while the waking horror of what he had done came to fruition in his mind. In his swampy, muddled mind. Haru had run away. Far far away in the dark, rushed away like a cottontail that was fleeing from the jaws of the hunting dog. The quiet gasp on the other end was enough to prick his eyes with tears, forcing his emotions to the forefront - he didn't even care if he heard the faint lilt of Robin's voice asking if Tarhos was ok, and if he needed any water.

"T - Tar?" Haru was uncertain of the last time he had sounded so pathetic; when he had woke up in the hospital after the worst day of his life? The slick of his eyes blurred the reality before him with the lingering vision of Tarhos' distressed expression - "I-I'm sorry ━ "

What else could he say what wouldn't make him into a villain?

[jeongjaebae]

Maybe we'll just keep fallin'

⇢ Juyeon x reader, 3.4k, exes to lovers ⇢ A reunion at an amusement park reminds you of what it feels like to fall.

You've never hated Eric more than at this moment.

He gives you a big smile right when he sees you walking towards where the group is gathered near the entrance of the amusement park, and then runs towards you with his arms stretched out to squeeze the breath out of you.

"Hey," you greet with an attempt at a smile, hoping he doesn't notice the way your mood suddenly falls. "Long time no see."

"Y/N, I've missed you so much!" Eric's hug is even tighter than the last time you've seen him—a clear indication that he's been working out in college because those arms are even stronger as they lift you in a spin that takes you by surprise.

This amusement park trip would've been a perfect excursion on this perfect sunny day; a reunion of friends after a few years and a number of kilometers apart. And you had indeed been looking forward to it up until this point, having excitedly packed your bag and planned your outfit the night before.

However, no one had told you that he would be here too.

You knew it wasn't Eric's fault for inviting the both of you though, for he probably doesn't know about what happened. And when you join the rest of the group, it becomes quite obvious that none of them knew about it. It's as if they were all frozen in time, in the same spot as they stood all those years ago, back when your memories of this very amusement park had been overflowing with feelings for him.

It's not Eric's fault because Juyeon's Instagram remains untouched. Still filled with old pictures of the two of you long after what happened.

"It's nice to see all of you again," you say as you reach the others, looking at each of them one at a time. You wanted nothing more than to avoid looking at Juyeon the entire day, but it's something you couldn't get out of if you wanted to keep pretending everything was fine.

Juyeon was the first one you'd spotted from afar, having immediately recognized his all too familiar figure. But up close, he seems to have changed quite a bit. Like Eric, he definitely bulked up and is no longer super skinny, and then there's the way his skin glows and how his hair falls into place perfectly even with the wind blowing against it. And who wears such nice clothes to an amusement park? He's so stupidly perfect and unaffected that it pisses you off. The only thing that gives you a bit of satisfaction is seeing how he immediately stiffens after seeing you.

Maybe it would be easy to remember that he's no longer the boy you once loved when he seems so different now.

"Alright, let's go!" Eric shouts.

You knew that it was going to be a very long day.

***

"What's wrong? You don't like rollercoasters anymore?" Jacob asks. He raises an eyebrow at the way you eyed the ride all too warily.

You'd joined the line with the rest of them but there's a sense of dread in your steps that hadn't been there before. And while it wouldn't be your first time on this ride, the huge drop no longer seemed as appealing as it once did. Maybe you've developed a bit of a fear.

"I just hate the feeling of falling now," you say, then shrug when Hyunjae shoots you a strange look. "People change, I guess."

When your eyes flicker over to Juyeon intentionally, he's already staring at you.

Sometime while in line, the others all pair up with their seatmates, leaving you and Juyeon at the back together. Maybe it would've reminded you of the time they intentionally left you together when trying to set you up, but things are different now. It annoys you now.

You sigh. "Let's just get this over with."

As you climb into your seat with Juyeon following right behind you, suddenly you get an idea.

"Here, let me get this for you." You shoot him a smile before grabbing the safety bar and pushing it down on him as far as it would go, locking him into the seat with a click. It's much tighter than it needs to be and probably digs into his stomach if his grimace is any indication. Perfect. "Enjoy the ride!"

Then you walk out the other way. Leaving him without a seatmate on the rollercoaster.

A look of utter disbelief spreads on his face and you simply laugh before heading to the exit, where you would wait for his ugly photos to come out. Not that he could ever be ugly, but one could still hope.

As the rollercoaster takes off and he's still glancing at you looking betrayed, there's no time for guilt. Because he was going to go on the ride anyways, you tell yourself. What difference did it make whether it was with or without you? And besides, strapping him in tighter could've been to ensure his safety; it's almost funny how the things we do for the people we love actually end up hurting them the most.

Several minutes later, Juyeon comes back with his hair dishevelled and a frown on his face. Bothered, but still silent. You count that as a win because unfortunately for you, his photos turn out looking just fine. In fact, they turn out all too similar to the set you once carried around in your phone case—the same ride and the same expression, only the seat beside him hadn't been empty in that one.

He doesn't say anything as you take out your phone to quickly snap a photo of the preview on the screen, calling him ugly the entire time anyways.

The loud noises and flashy lights in every direction try to grab your attention as heading to the next ride has you walking through all the carnival games in the park. Prizes are dangling at every stall, the smell of colourful snacks and the cheerful voices of children filling the air. For a while, you don't mind it when Juyeon falls into step beside you at the back of the group.

Until his hand accidentally brushes yours. And his touch sends you reeling.

"You okay?" his eyes flash with concern. He hangs back to wait for you while the rest of the group continues on without notice.

"Yup," you slap on the most dazzling fake smile you could muster. "Never been better."

It was a close call; for a second you thought your resentment towards him faltered like your feet did.

They've stopped at a beanbag toss game where Hyunjae points out how much Sunwoo looks like the raccoon plushie hanging in the section of prizes, and Changmin is taking bets that Sangyeon's bad luck would make him lose every game he plays. Juyeon bets against it. You bet for it.

The man running the game gestures dramatically, beckoning your group over. "See something you like? Step right up! Only three tickets to win the biggest prizes in the entire park."

Normally you would've walked away. Everyone knows that carnival games are rigged so there was no point in wasting your tickets, but once again, an idea occurs. Three tickets to get a chance to hit your ex? Hell yeah, you were definitely in.

The man gives you a wink as you go to hand in your three measly tickets, with Juyeon following closely behind. You had a feeling he would participate too, though you don't know why.

As you settle into your spot at the counter, you realize that the booth is quite empty. None of your friends are there anymore, somehow having disappeared so suddenly without a trace—leaving you alone with Juyeon once again.

"Why are they always putting us together," you mutter under your breath.

"Because they don't know about—"

"Yeah, no shit." You roll your eyes at him. Why was he answering a rhetorical question anyways? "Whatever. Let's get on with the game already."

When the game starts, Juyeon is oblivious beside you as he concentrates on the distance to the target. Competitive as usual, you assume, though this time it wouldn't be for the purpose of winning you a giant plushie like he did before. And the old you might've tried to get a good score to impress him, but the new you isn't like that anymore.

You almost feel bad when you take a step away from the booth and gaze at the back of his head. There's a sense of hesitation because does he really deserve this? Getting your revenge when he's not even looking is a little too harsh isn't it? But you quickly wipe those thoughts away. One beanbag to the head isn't going to make up for all the times he promised not to break your heart yet ended up doing it anyways.

Juyeon whips around and gives you a hard stare after your beanbag successfully strikes the back of his head and then lands at his feet. Bullseye!

"Oh, did I hit you?" Your voice drips with a sarcastic sweetness. "Oops, sorry."

The rest of your beanbags are tossed messily without really caring where they land now that you've accomplished your goal, and his shots seem too distracted after getting hit.

He remains impassive as the two of you find your way back to the rest of your friends who appear just as suddenly as they disappeared.

"That was a nice shot." Hyunjae gives you a high-five. The way Juyeon glances at him sharply almost makes you burst out laughing. "Too bad you didn't win a prize."

You don't tell him that it might be even better than winning a prize. "You saw that? But where did you guys go?"

"Oh um, Eric kind of had an emergency. In the bathroom." Hyunjae gives you a wry smile then takes off before you could ask more.

You stick with Sunwoo for the rest of the day, clinging onto him so closely that he has no opportunity to leave you with your ex again. He occasionally gives you questioning glances and you feel slightly embarrassed; it wasn't your intention to make things awkward, but surely your friends should've all sensed something strange by now? Surely they couldn't still see you and Juyeon as a couple?

The last jab you took at him was on the spinning teacup ride, a final ride at the end of the day just as the sun was setting. The rest of your group had split themselves equally into two teacups, leaving no room for the two of you though you could see through the way they intentionally sprawled themselves across the seats to fill up the space.

So once again, you were left with Juyeon. But this time, you don't complain because you had another plan up your sleeve.

As soon as the ride starts along with the horrible carnival music, you're grabbing the wheel at the center and turning it as fast as you could. It makes the teacup spin and spin, round and round until the rest of the world is a blur of lights and colours around you. Somehow it makes the teacup feel all too small. It's as if you and Juyeon were the only ones existing as everything else blends together.

"Y/N, stop," he shouts at some point, but you pay no attention as your hands continue to move the steering wheel mechanically. "You're going to get dizzy!"

And he's right. Because eventually the teacup slows to a full stop, but the world continues to spin and prevents you from getting to your feet and walking out.

"Are you okay?" Juyeon reaches for you then pulls back at the last moment. "Why did you spin it so much?"

Just seeing the way he looks perfectly fine standing there makes you feel the contents of your stomach churn. His perfect face and his perfect hair and his perfectly indifferent expression. Had your plan backfired? At this point, could anything you do even affect him the way his presence affected you so much?

You attempt at getting to your feet again and it just barely works this time. "Ugh, why aren't—you dizzy—"

"You spun it that hard just to get me dizzy?" Juyeon's voice gives no hints to what he's thinking.

"Shut up."

His touch stings when he ends up wrapping an arm around you, holding you up as you walk out of the ride together. Usually you would've thrown him off and pushed him away, but in your state of trying not to die, you give in and let him guide you to a pavilion with some picnic benches.

"Sit here."

It's quieter here when you're out of the crowd. A little easier to breathe. You focus on the way the air tastes, cooler now that the sun has gone down but still lingering with the sweetness of cotton candy from a nearby vendor. The world slows down and finally stills under your feet, and the waves of nausea quickly recede.

"Why are you doing all this?" Juyeon blurts, and you can finally see something underneath those unreadable eyes of his. The whole day he's put up with your antics without ever saying anything, but now you could see the blaze the lies just beneath the surface.

It feels like a taste of victory.

"Doing what?"

"You know what."

"I don't know what you're talking about," you say carefully.

He gives an exasperated sigh, pacing around in front of the bench you sat at. "Do you hate me that much?"

"I—"

Yes, you wanted to say. Because hating him has never left your mind for the past few years. Because you did want to resent him. To hurt him the way that he hurt you when he decided to cut off all ties with you so your long-distance relationship wouldn't hold you back during college. Maybe he'd thought it was the right thing to do but it was such a stupid reason and he was so stupid and—it all hurt. So yes, maybe you'd imagined getting your revenge someday when you met him again.

But doing all those things today didn't make you feel any better and seeing him like this is different from what you'd imagined.

Juyeon's steps finally stop, and he sits down on the bench beside you. "If you do, it's okay. I get it. I would hate me too."

A silence settles in between you and the crickets in the background are almost too loud. The last of the sun's fading glow surrender to a blanket of darkness that contrasts with the warm glow of the fairy lights in the small pavilion. Being here in any other context might be romantic. It reminds you all too much of what happened the first time.

"Why?" you ultimately ask despite already knowing the answer. "Why would you hate yourself?"

"For hurting you. For even thinking that we'd be better off apart because the past four years have only made me miserable with regret," he admits. "So yes, hurt me. Let out your pain." He pounds on his chest a couple of times and then stretches his arms out, waiting. "I can take it. Just don't hurt yourself."

"Juyeon..."

The amount of times you'd wished to hear those words over the years. He did call that one time, though your roommates had taken your phone and blocked him before you could get a chance to find out what he might've said. It was something that you'd wondered about during the times you'd drank a little too much, when you'd cried over nothing, when the feeling of falling had become falling into the depths of darkness instead of falling in love like it once was.

Maybe now, you're finally getting your answer.

Your fists are weak where they collide with his chest repeatedly, one after another, as if doing so would make his heart hurt as much as yours did. And he just takes it.

But then he's wrapping his arms around you, pulling you close until you give in. Until you completely melt against him. Until there's the warmth of his body against you and the tears that slip down your cheeks land on his shirt.

"Y/N, you have no idea how much I missed you," he whispers, breath coming out against your hair where he runs his hand through like he did before. "I'm sorry. For everything."

His scent enveloping you as he holds you, the dim glow of lights above you—it all reminds you of what happened all those years ago at this very place. It had been the same park and the same friends as today, but the exhilaration was from the way he grabbed your hand to pull your closer, not from being up high in that swing ride. The dizziness you'd felt was after he kissed you for the first time, and not from some spinning teacup ride. And when had the heart fluttering feeling of falling been from falling in love, and not simply from a rollercoaster ride?

But soon you do find yourself falling again.

It's not like the first time he kissed you here, when sparks fly and the world spins and your heart pounds so hard you thought it would burst. This time when his lips are on yours and he fits against you so perfectly, it's like coming home after being too far for too long. Everything feels so familiar yet new, like rereading your favourite book and rediscovering all of your favourite passages as you relearn each line and curve of his body. He may be different from what you remembered from all those years ago, but the way his gentle hands cup your cheeks, the brushing of his knees against yours, the way you can taste the salt of tears and faint sweetness of cotton candy on his lips. Everything is still so distinctly him, something that even the space and time between you couldn't ever change.

"Lee Juyeon," comes out in a whisper against his lips as you pull back to catch your breath, "you're so stupid."

"Only when it comes to you." He breaks into a smile, the first genuine smile that you've seen all day and it seems to light up the world. "I'll make it up to you, I promise. Even if it takes me the rest of my life."

"You're making this sound like a proposal."

Juyeon gives a choked laugh. "Um, not that I would be against it, but let's take this one step at a time first, yeah?"

And when you look at him, truly look at him, this time you can see the same boy you loved for all these years. You let those eyes draw you in and finally let yourself sink into the memories that you kept pushing away and burying. There's a tinge of pink on his cheeks and they're hot under your fingertips as you reach to pull him in again and—

"It's about time," a booming voice suddenly interrupts, making the two of you spring apart. Eric claps as he walks into the pavilion joined by the rest of the group, a mischievous smile on his face.

"It only took them all day," Sunwoo rolls his eyes. "I was dying over here when Y/N started following me around. Totally deserve an Oscar for my acting today."

"Hey, that's not true! I definitely noticed you giving me weird looks."

It's not surprising that your friends had known about the breakup after all, though you just hadn't expected them to have known even before this trip. The deja vu takes you back to the last time you were here, how your first kiss as a new couple was nearly interrupted by Eric's cheers and Sunwoo's expressions of disgust.

"Before you start freaking out—no, nobody told us," Eric says. "Nobody needed to because it was so obvious. We only pretended to not know in the hopes that you'd finally put each other out of your misery."

"And while it's good that you guys did, the highlight of this trip has got to be watching Y/N bully Juyeon all day," Hyunjae bellows and nods towards Juyeon. "I don't know what you did to deserve that, but you probably deserved it."

Soon there are sounds of laughter filling the pavilion and it makes your heart feel full in a way that you hadn't felt in a long time. As if there had been a weight you didn't even know you had on you, and now it's been lifted off your shoulders and you finally feel light enough to join in with their laughter.

As fireworks fill the night sky and Juyeon intertwines his fingers with yours on the walk back, it quickly becomes clear that the falling back together was as easy as it had been the first time.

[ghostbustermelanieking]

Number 17 (kissing to hide from bad guys) for the fic prompts? Bonus points if it's from one of the earlier seasons (maybe when they're still actively researching statements?) but the choice is entirely yours

so this is set in s3, sometime after 102. (possibly an au... who's to say!!) as such, warning for references to jon's kidnapping in 101, and scenes of people think they might be taken/killed/etc.

17. Needing to kiss to hide from bad guys

" Here, " Jon whispers in a panic in Martin's ear, and pulls him abruptly towards a shadowy spot in an alley. Martin goes along immediately, pressing towards the wall while also trying to push himself in front of Jon. Jon's breathing is sharp and frantic, his hand tight where it's clutching at Martin's arm, and the footsteps of their pursuers are still echoing slowly down the street. 

This was meant to be a work trip—or whatever passes for that these days. Another attempt to locate the ritual site for the Unknowing. Elias had suggested Jon go, and Martin hadn't wanted him to go alone. That's the last thing Jon needs, after everything, after being held captive for a month… Martin hadn't been willing to risk it, the possibility of Jon being taken again. 

It wasn't supposed to be dangerous, Elias had said. Just a simple scouting, it probably wasn't the site in the first place, the Stranger might not even be there, surely the fact that Jon had escaped so easily meant they wouldn't come after him again… 

This is clearly not true. They'd been spotted, inside the warehouse where they'd been searching. Martin can remember the moment with a shocking clarity: Jon's sharp intake of breath as he'd reached out to grab Martin's arm, his nails digging frantically into Martin's skin, the slow way Martin had looked up and seen it. Them. Things that looked wrong, inhuman, in a way that Martin can't even describe.

They've come after them. Followed them out of the warehouse, onto the street, and of course no one is around to see them, and Martin knows they should've gone for the rental car, should've immediately gone for the rental car, but they'd taken some wrong turns, frantic to get away from the blank-faced figures (the cheery voice calling for the Archivist and asking about his skin, and Martin is going to throw up). And now they're here, hiding in some alley while these things pretending to be human are searching for them, coming for Jon all over again. 

Jon's breathing has gone shaky. He's pulling at Martin's arm like they can get any further into the wall. Martin's got an arm in front of Jon, like they're in a car about to crash, and he's staring out at the alley, waiting for those things to catch up, and he says the first thing he can think of, in a whisper: "I-I won't let them take you again." 

Jon's breathing goes tighter somehow. "Martin, you can't… "

"I'm not going to let them take you, Jon!" Martin hisses, his voice pitching too high for a moment. Jon squeezes his arm frantically and he backtracks, quieter: " Sorry, sorry, it's just… I'm not letting that happen to you again!"

"They'd kill you," Jon whispers. "They wouldn't hesitate , Martin, and I am not… I am not losing anyone else!"

The footsteps echo closer; the echoing sing-song-y voice comes again, calling for Jon. Panic slices through Martin like a knife and he presses closer, as if physically shielding Jon will do a damn thing. (Maybe it will. You never know; maybe it will.) "W-we should run for the car," he says. (Although at the moment he has absolutely no idea where they parked it.)

"We'll never make it," Jon murmurs. Martin turns a little in time to see Jon, who's staring off into the distance with wide, haunted eyes. "We need to hide. " 

Martin looks back towards the street, at the approaching shadows. "I'll distract them," he says—one last ditch effort to at least get Jon to safety. "A-and you run."

"What? No. Martin." Jon's voice is pressing now; his hand slips from Martin's arm down to Martin's hand, intertwining their fingers. Martin looks back, startled, and finds Jon staring at him nervously. "Martin, do you trust me?" he says, voice wavering. 

Martin blinks a few rapid times. "Wh-what?" he says, caught off guard; he holds tighter to Jon's hand, suddenly worried that Jon is going to run out and distract them so Martin won't have to. 

Jon exhales frustratedly. "It's just that… I have an idea of how we could hide, and i-it's a little unusual, and stupid, a-and so I wanted your… to make sure you are all right with it first…"

The voice is getting closer. Panic snaps through Martin, and he hisses frantically, "Yes, whatever, it's fine, j-just do it before…" 

Jon lets go of Martin's hand and moves, in a flash, to cup the side of his face, both hands, and Martin only has a moment to wonder what the hell is going on before Jon rises on tiptoes, pulls Martin down a bit, and kisses him. 

Martin's brain shorts out for a moment—stuck between the marvel of him kissing Jon, Jon kissing him—and the panic of the fact that they're being chased by mannequin-things that will probably skin them. He makes a muffled, startled sound into Jon's mouth. Jon's hands are trembling on his face. 

Then the pieces start to slide together—Jon's doing that movie bit, where you kiss to hide from the bad guys. Quite possibly ridiculous, but it's something, something more than one of them being bait. (And to be entirely ridiculous for a moment… if they're both about to die, Martin's glad he's gotten to kiss Jon before he's done it.) So Martin plays along. He leans down and turns them a bit, so Jon's in the corner between the Dumpster and the wall, and his back is blocking the both of them from view; he'll look more inconspicuous than Jon will. 

And then he kisses Jon back. Tentatively, at first (just because you kiss someone to hide from monsters or whatever doesn't mean you actually want to kiss them), and then a little deeper. The way he's wanted to kiss Jon this whole time, as long as he's ever thought about it. He brings a hand to Jon's face, too, thinking to hide it from the Stranger. Pushes a little bit of hair behind Jon's ear. Jon leans into the touch; his right thumb moves, slowly, over Martin's cheek, and Martin has to hold back something that might be a sob. He leans closer, their foreheads almost touching, trying to focus on the fact that there are things trying to kill them, and not just on the fast that he is kissing Jon… 

Jon breaks away abruptly. Pulls back just far enough that their mouths aren't touching anymore—his hands still on Martin's face—and says, "I… Martin, I-I think they're gone now." He is breathing hard, his eyes darting over Martin's shoulder and then back. 

Martin is probably breathing hard too. He is drawing a blank; his hand is still in Jon's hair. "They're… they're gone?" he says, still in a whisper. His voice is shaking, he thinks. 

"Yes… yes, they're gone now." Jon looks right at him, his dark eyes huge in the dim light of the alley. "Martin… Martin, I am so… " 

"Car," says Martin. It is the first word he comes up with—they need to go, there are still things trying to kill them, and they can't just stand around talking when… He grabs Jon's hand where it's lowering, somewhere around his neck, and squeezes urgently. "Jon, car, we need to go… "

" Christ, I forgot, I…" Jon shakes his head hard and moves with Martin towards the opposite end of the alley. He doesn't let go of Martin's hand, all the way to the car, where they've left it two blocks away. Martin climbs immediately in the driver's seat, and turns the key, and drives off without hesitation, too fast to even buckle his seatbelt. 

There is silence in the car for a moment, as they drive away. Martin grips the wheel hard and stares straight out of the front window, unsure of what the hell to say. (Unsure whether to say Thank you for coming up with a plan to save our lives, or You just kissed me in an alley, maybe we should talk about this? or I've been in love with you for about a year now, and I guess you beat me to the punch, except I don't know if you actually MEANT it. ) But in the end, it's Jon who breaks the silence—to say, in a tight, rigid voice, "Martin, I am so sorry."

Martin's hands actually tighten around the wheel somehow. "Wh-what?" he says, uncertain. "What do you mean… Jon, you saved us."

"Th-that was entirely unprofessional, I… I shouldn't have kissed you like that, I just… I-I was afraid they'd find us, and it was all I could think of, and I just…" Jon's blushing. Martin can see it out of the corner of his eye. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

Martin takes a shaky breath. He must be blushing, too, he thinks; his face and neck feel like they're on fire. He says, "You don't have to be sorry," just as Jon says, "I-I didn't want to go back." Martin's mouth shuts like a trap as Jon keeps talking: "I… if I went back, I think they would have… and I didn't want… and I thought if they took you… th-they would've killed you, Martin, and I wouldn't… I didn't…"

"It's okay , Jon," Martin blurts, and as soon as he says it, he finds he means it. "It is. I… I was scared, too."

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have brought you, Martin, I should've left you at home…"

"Did you forget the part where I insisted on coming?" Martin laughs a little. "I… I'm glad you weren't here alone, Jon. I didn't want them to take you again. I…" He swallows hard, stares out at the road in front of him. One of his hands falls away from the wheel, towards the center console. "Please don't say you wish I hadn't been here. Please."

Jon's quiet for a moment. The only sound is the tires chewing up the road beneath them, before he finally says, "Still. I-I never should have kissed you, Martin. I am so… "

"Jon, you don't… y-you don't need to apologize, okay? You don't, " says Martin. "It's okay, it's fine, it was… I-I didn't mind, all right? You don't need to apologize."

"I… I should have clarified. I didn't really ask before I…"

" Jon. Please, it's okay. " Martin reaches for something else to say, and all he can come up with is: "I have had much worse kisses, okay? Much worse."

Jon laughs, a laugh sharp with surprise. After a moment, Martin laughs, too. This whole night has been so absurd. They were chased by some mannequins or whatever, they had to run for their lives, and Jon kissed him, and he kissed Jon, and they're alive. It's pretty hilarious, if you think about it for more than five minutes. It's about as absurd as anything else they've been through in the past year. He'd take this all over being trapped by worms. 

"I… I have, too, actually," says Jon, finally, after they've stopped laughing. " Much worse. You're not…" He stops, makes a strangled noise like he's embarrassed or something, before going on. "Th-thank you, Martin. Really."

Martin chews at his lower lip. "Thank you, " he says. "For… for getting us out of there." 

Jon takes a shaky breath. His fingers brush over Martin's free hand, where it's resting over the center console; Martin tenses all over, automatically, but Jon doesn't take it. Just brushes his fingers there. Martin thinks of Jon's expression before he leaned up to kiss him, Jon's fingers against his cheeks. 

"I… I should've left you at home," Jon says, almost reluctantly. "But I'm… glad you came with me, Martin. I'm glad you're with me."

Martin swallows hard. Bites back a small smile. He'd meant it, when he kissed Jon back; he wishes he could tell Jon he meant it. (He could, he supposes. Nothing stopping him. He wonders what Jon would say back.) 

But what he says is, "I am, too," because it's a sort of a confession, and he means it, too, as much as the kiss. Even with the almost dying, with all of it, he's glad, somehow, he was here. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Jon smile, just a little. Martin smiles, too.

[ethanharli]

Requested: Nah.

Pairing(s): Asra x Top Male Reader

Warning(s): Some Angst, Flashbacks, Mentions of heartbreak, Sudden confession, Cliffhanger, Long, Sister Nadia.

A/n- I brought this over from my Wattpad, and I edited it a bit but this is the longest One-Shot I've ever made, just fifty words away from three thousand :")).

_______________

A frustrated groan slipped past my lips as I fumbled with the sleeves of my costume, it may sound silly but its true. I refuse to wear anything that could reveal my torso, besides my face of course but that's only because its not covered in ink. Now don't get me wrong, the art adoring my body is nothing but beautiful, yet some of its a bit much for the public eye, and I hate attention. Guess Muriel and I are the same in that regard. After adjusting the sleeves I slipped on my rings and emerald necklace that clung tightly around my throat, which didn't bother me in the slightest bit as I drag my pierced tongue over my bottom lip. Finishing up with a few things I quickly locked up my house and headed on my way to the palace, Nadia had invited me over for the Masquerade this year since the last one ended with Lucio and the Devil trying to take over.

I really have to admire that apprentice, their magic is quiet fascinating. With a small smirk I slipped on my wolfs mask, nothing original but the black and vibrant neon of purple and green helping it stand out, even if only by the slightest. The journey to the palace was quite fun, watching people light up fireworks and drink to their hearts content without a worry in the world. Yet it was a whole new world once I entered the palace gates, making my way towards the ball room in hopes to run into my sister, but Nadia is nowhere to be found. "Should've expected as much, she is the Countess after all" I muttered with a proud smile, if only my familiar where here to keep me company but sadly having a grey wolf in this crowd isn't such a good idea, poor thing would be trampled despite her large size.

Taking a glass of wine I sipped it slowly, enjoying the bubbly feeling of it going down my throat. Yet a slither around my ankle caught my attention, and I froze at the sight of a familiar snake, looking up at me with their cute tilted head. "Friend!" Faust cheered, happily slithering up my body to rest on my shoulders, "Yes Faust, it's good to see you again" A pained smile forced at my lips, scratching softly under Faust's chin. If Faust's here then Asra and his apprentice must be close by, I should've expected as much. "Miss you" My heart tightened at the words, forcing the breath out my lungs painfully, and here I thought I could enjoy the Masquerade without running into anyone else, but I guess even an over packed Masquerade can't hide me from them. "I missed you too Faust-" My words were cut off by a familiar voice, merely a couple feet behind me, yelling for the beautiful creature wrapped around my shoulders.

"Im sorry Faust but I really should be leaving, please don't tell Asra I was here alright?" I asked as worry started to pool in the pit of my stomach, however Faust simply tilted her head, watching me curiously. Nevertheless I made a slow pace to the exit, not wanting to rise any sort of suspicion as Asra yells a bit louder. And there he is, my savior. Putting on a small smile I took a drink from a waiters tray, walking up to Julian without seeming any bit out of place, then once the right moment hit I brushed my shoulder against his and shrugged Faust onto him, not once turning back to look at them. However I knew I wasn't out in the clear just yet since a pair of eyes followed me as I left the room.

Being out in the hall felt a lot better then being so close to him. Especially when I'm not ready to face him just yet, hell I don't even think I have the power to look at him without freezing up, how stupid of me to think I could come back here. "[Y/n]?" The sound of Nadia's voice finally got me to relax a bit, letting the tension in my shoulders drop, "Hey Sis, it's been a while" I smiled down at her, watching as her eyes soften before pulling me into a tight embrace that I gladly returned. "Where'd you go? You told me that you were going to talk to Asra after what happened with Lucio and the Devil but it was only him that came back, he said he didn't know where you ran off to and when I tried to ask what happened he'd never answer!" Her crimson eyes glare up at me as they slowly fill with tears that I quickly brushed away.

"Its okay Nadi, Im back now and I plan to stay, I missed my little sister way to much to be gone for so long" I chuckled, trying to lighten up the mood even only for a second, before she looks at my costume with not very well hidden disgust. "You've really never had an eye for fashion have you?" She sighs, taking my hand and dragging me down the hall where Portia was standing. Once her eyes met mine her face lit up in realization, "[Y/n]! You're back!" She jumped up to hug me, which I returned with a ruffle of her long hair.

"Portia could you please get my dear brother to one of the guest rooms so he can change?" Nadi smiled and Portia couldn't have answered any happier, "Yes milady! Now c'mon [Y/n] lets get you a new costume!" She cheered, dragging me away by the sleeve of my shirt. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this wasn't going to end well, and by the time I was pushed in the room with a new set of clothing I knew I was right. The clothing was way to revealing for my liking, even though the color and fabric made me look elegant and right at home. The top exposed my arms and most of my chest, the 'V' stopping right above my waist which the pants hugged tightly, yet the rest of it was baggy except the bottom of it, which also hugged my ankles nicely.

But my tattoos and scars were out in the open. The skulls, flowers, and chains that decorate my body glowed a faint blue color, as if cheering that they were finally free from my always concealed clothing.

I didn't want to wear it, every part of my mind was screaming to tear it off but I couldn't. My sister picked this out for me and this is her party, I'll do it for her if not for myself. Sliding my mask back on I headed out the room, looking down at Portia with a nervous smile as she stared at the art in wonder, "I never knew you had these!" She pouted, looking as If I had betrayed her somehow. I could only reached out and pat her head, trying to ignore the eyes that locked onto me, "Im not very fond of them, so I always hid them, Im sorry for not telling you sooner." She merely rolled her eyes and smiled at me before realization yet again broke on her face, "I need to go tell the rest you're here! Stay put!" My eyes widened as I tried to stop her, but she was already out of reach before I could, and the slithery presence was back at my feet.

"Friend!"

Fucking hell.

At that moment I felt the fight to run away slowly drain from me, I knew I couldn't avoid him forever, no matter how hard I tried. Even so, with what resistance was left in me I headed towards the garden with Faust resting peacefully on my shoulders, and stayed put by the fountain, letting my eyes flutter shut for a mere moment.

_____

My palms started to sweat as I looked down into those mesmerizing lavender eyes that watched me with an amused glint, "Asra I-" The words got caught in my throat for the millionth time now, and even I was getting impatient with myself. But can you blame me? Asra looked so majestic under the moonlight, with the stars that practically glowed in his eye's, I don't think I've ever thought it was possible to feel so relaxed and intimidated at the same time.

"[Y/n], are you okay?" He asked, his voice barley above a whisper as he slowly reached up, softly brushing his fingers against my cheek. A flutter in my chest caused the chains on my body to recoil slightly, and thankfully he didn't notice the change, "No, I just can't hold it in anymore Asra" My hand clenched tightly on my sleeves, nearly causing them to rip while Asra brushed a lock of hair of of my face. "Hold in what?" He smiled, but my eyes drifted to his chest, looking where the mark on his heart is hiding, causing me to reluctantly pull away from his touch.

It was a simple friendly gesture he's always done to calm me down, to bring me back from whatever clouded my thoughts. So when I pulled away he reached out again, slower this time, as if any rushed movement would send me away. "Asra stop" He looked a bit shocked when I grabbed his wrist, but my grip was gentle, cause I'm more afraid of hurting him than anyone else. However the negative thoughts practically swallowed my mind whole as I rejected his magic from flowing into me. The mark on his chest was the only thing I could look at, cause it reminds me everyday that he gave up some of his heart for his apprentice, to bring them back. Jealousy truly is a cruel thing.

"Nevermind, it was foolish of me to think I even had a chance" I whispered with a bitter chuckle, taking a step back I crossed my arms, turning my broken gaze towards the sky. "Forget it, just go back to your apprentice, they need you more than I do" I don't know why my words came out laced in such malice and sorrow, but they did, and that seemed to earn a glare back from him. "What's wrong with you? Ever since you found out about my deal its like all you want to do is run away from me and push me away, if you have something to say to me then go ahead and say it, but do not drag them into this."

The chain around my neck tightened, slowly crushing at my windpipe as I clenched my fists and smiled softly to myself. I knew I'd regret what I did next, I knew it would weigh on me forever, I knew it would cause me much more pain then it did right then, but I did it anyway. Ill have to thank Ilya if this works, putting on my best face I turned towards Asra and scoffed, tilting my head a bit, like I usually do when pissed off, even though this is just a lovely facade. "Don't even bother, its not like you'd care anyways, would you? All you care about is that apprentice of yours, you even gave up part of your heart for them" I let the words flow, nearly letting the tears pool in my eyes when I spat them out.

"Is that really what you think?" He hissed, knuckles turning white from how tightly he was grasping his sleeves, but I didn't let myself falter under his gaze. "Asra I don't have to think it when I know its true, we've known each other since we were kids, you can't fool me" I scoffed, glaring back into his lavender eyes, keeping that gaze was a lot harder then I thought it would be. Before he could speak up I made sure to cut him off, "You love 'em, that's the only reason you'd do it right? Because you love them? Let me guess, you couldn't live without them could you?" I rolled my eyes, looking off to my left, practically feeling his breath hitch for a moment, confirming what I needed to know.

Im sorry Asra.

You don't have to forgive me.

Because I highly doubt these chains will go anywhere, I can never be free. Even with you by my side, the one person that keeps me together, the one person that I'd risk everything for.

Im so sorry.

"Just leave already, its not like you want to be here anyways right? So just leave me alone, I don't want you here."

_____

I don't remember much after that, but I do know he left, and I was left alone to wallow in my own despair. The chains got tighter over the year, so tight that the only thing keeping me breathing is all the techniques I've learned, and the fact I learned how to hold my breath for a long while. A few tears slip past my [E/c] eyes, that Faust happily wipes away with her tail, rubbing her face against my cheek, "Friend!" She smiles, curling against me, it felt so good to have her around again. Even if this'll be the last time.

The chains tighten a slight fraction, forcing me to hold my breath. "[Y/n]?" My body tensed at how my name rolled off his lips, it felt like a distant dream, like this isn't actually happening, but one look at him and I know its real. My god has he always looked so gorgeous? Or am I going crazy? Probably both. Once [E/c] met Lavender I knew I was done, his hairs pushed back like last year though the mask kinda looks the same, with only a few added touches, and his costume definitely gets him to stand out above the rest, just a beautiful array of bright colors clashing against his mixed skin, it hugs his figure perfectly. He looks like a god amongst the light of the fountain.

"Its me" I sighed out, reluctantly turning my gaze back to my feet. I couldn't help the surprise when he moved in front of me, placing both hands on my cheeks, looking into my eyes with such relief that I could hardly believe it. His touch sent shivers down my spine, slowly I started to breathe again as the chains retract a bit, I had clearly forgotten how revealing my clothes are, cause once the chains pulled back Asra's eyes shifted to them.  "How long have you had these?" He asked, trailing his hands down to trace the marking with a soft touch, "Asra wait-" Yet the mark appears, the same one he has, just mine glowed a faint blue in the center of my chest.

His eyes widened seeing the mark, keeping his eyes on it as if it were to attack at any moment, "You've never had chains, its always been your skulls and flowers, is it because of this? Why didn't you tell me about this?" He looked hurt, the same hurt in his eyes that he had a year ago when we last talked.

"What was your deal?"

Oh how I wanted to tell him, but the chains tightened at the thought, yet I pushed through it, Im tired of lying, I'm tired of keeping everything in, Im tired of it all, "That I couldn't be open anymore, that I wouldn't be able to speak my mind freely like I once did." A small cough ripped out my throat as a blue glow tried to burn past the chains, failing miserably. "What? Why?" He looked stunned, I don't blame him, I've always been one to speak my mind and tell everyone how I'm feeling, to be honest to myself and them without a care about what others thought.

But..

"I was scared, there's something I've always wanted to say, but I never could because I've always been so afraid about what would happen after, what if it went wrong? What if I messed up? What if I said something wrong? What if you-" My mouth snapped shut as quickly as it could, now I certainly can't avoid this, cause those lavender eyes stare at me with such intensity I might just burn away. His hands slowly moved up to my neck, letting his magic aid in pulling the chain away from my neck, allowing me to breath freely. "What about me?" He asked softly, keeping his gaze fixed on mine as my hands unconsciously travel to his hips.

I guess it's now or never..

Building what up whatever courage I had left, I pulled Asra against my chest, using one hand to push his mask out the way, before claiming his lips with mine.

[jindallaebe]

maybe it's corny of him to acknowledge this, but jindallae thinks that he's done a lot of growing over the last year. a lot's happened, and while not every moment has been comfortable, the discomfort he's endured has forced him to undergo a lot of changes.

there's nothing more humbling than being told the truth, even if it's in the form of a hard pill to swallow. he's had many difficult conversations; he's fucked up, but has done his best to apologize for his wrongdoings; he's learned to be more aware of his impulsive mouth and the damage it does to people. he's still not perfect, he's definitely a work-in-progress, but overall, jindallae's learning to be more mindful. apart of practicing this, to him, is striving to make amends with those he's hurt, so naturally, he offered jinyoung a peace offering, and luckily for jindallae, jinyoung chose to accept it.

at one point, he was rather fond of the younger male. they had spent quite a few nights in one another's company. however, during those moments, their bodies became more acquainted than their hearts did. they preferred it that way, and jin respected that. though, it all came crashing down the one time he chose to believe that jinyoung was actually his friend, as opposed to merely a "friend-with-benefits." he never knew that approaching him at the club that night would set him off so badly, but ever since that night, he's had it out for him.

it's not been easy for him to accept that he was also in the wrong for reacting how he did back then, but nowadays, he understands that his need to strike someone back ten times harder than they struck him can be inexplicably dangerous. he should've never spoke to jinyoung how he did, but he hopes that landing him a job at the restaurant will be the start of a new phase of their relationship. jindallae knows he has to earn his trust all over again—if he even had it in the first place, that is—and he's willing to put in the work to show that he's genuinely remorseful for his actions.

though, despite going toward this with a relatively positive attitude, when he locks eyes with jinyoung from across the way, it's somehow still unsettling to him. their gazes are intense, but instead of ignoring the tension, jindallae decides to make an approach; taking a break from his side-work only to beeline directly over to him.

"yo," he begins, nodding his head once. "it's pretty slow. are you hungry?" his question is straight to the point. he wants to test the waters first before trying to get too chummy. "i can whip something up for you, if you are. it's on the house, so... whenever you're ready to eat, just let me know what you want. if it's not on the menu, i can try my best to wing something for you, too."

can't we just leave the monster alive?

@jindallaebe

his whole body aches. he doesn't feel it too much when he's moving, still on his feet and active even on his 'day off', but as jinyoung takes a moment for a breather, to take inventory of himself and check-in on his physical wellbeing, he realizes how bone-tired he is. adjusting to a new schedule has not been easy in the slightest. it's not like he isn't used to hard work—his previous lifetime spent in a practice room wrangling children and toddlers and trying to keep them on-task prepared him for a lot—but he's never had so many consecutive days where he's on his feet for so long. it wears on the body, that's for sure.

it's not even like jinyoung can take a break on sundays; the trainee pay is too meager for anyone to survive off of and he can't leave sooyoung to cover the entire rent alone. no, he needs this job, even if he was wary of taking it in the first place. he braces his palms on an unused countertop, leaning forward to take some of the pressure off of his back and legs, and glances over at the kitchen staff next to him. he only has a short break before he has to head back out to the front to greet and seat tables of guests. he can't help but let his eyes slide over to the supposed source of his apprehensions here; cho jindallae. he offered jinyoung the job, supposedly a nice gesture, but jinyoung keeps waiting for the other shoe to fall.

something about the other man still makes his skin crawl. he can't shake off words said in anger, even if jindallae tried to apologize for it later. that doesn't matter, not to jinyoung. if he felt brave enough to say it once, then it must be the truth. what's the saying? when people tell you who you are, believe them? jinyoung certainly tries to live by that. but when actions and words contradict one another, when the man who spit venom at him so viciously also offered to help him out with a job and food on the table, jinyoung doesn't know what to feel. perhaps it's the uncertainty of it all that still puts him on edge. he never knows which jindallae he's going to get that day, that hour.

thank god that their paths don't actually cross all that much despite working for the same business. if jinyoung was part of the back of the house and answering to jindallae, he's pretty sure that he wouldn't have lasted this long at this place. someone was bound to lose their temper eventually.

perhaps he stared at the staff too long, zoned out and not really paying attention. when he processes what his eyes are doing again, he realized that they're locked with the very man he feels such hatred and uncertainty about. jinyoung doesn't look away, not one to be intimidated into averting his eyes. but he doesn't really mean to invite the man over for a conversation. he really doesn't have anything to say.

[moonstruckholland]

Can We Go Back To Bed? (t.h)

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Word count: 2,497

Warnings: angst, fluff if you squint, flashbacks

A/N: this was supposed to come out a couple of months ago 😅 but here she is, the first one shot of my Cosmic Soul series! Shout out to @fangirlwithasweettooth and @hollandsamor for being amazing and reading this over for me! I really hope y'all like it 💕

Tom had never felt as far from you as he did lying next to you tonight.

Lying next to you was honestly a bit of an overstatement. With the way you were laying, there was enough space between you to fit a whole other person on the bed. You were curled up on your side, so close to the edge, Tom was worried with one wrong move you’d just roll onto the floor. He considered reaching out, moving next you, but for the first time since you started dating he was truly scared of being rejected, of the pain he knew he'd feel if you pulled away from him.

He wanted nothing more than to touch you, kiss you, anything. He just wanted to feel close to you. Instead he quietly got up, careful not to wake you as he made his way out the room, the whole night replaying in his head.

Everything was off from the moment he walked through the door.

“Princess? I'm home!"

Flowers in hand, he walked through the apartment, looking for you. He heard a door open and a soft, “Tom?” come from the bathroom as he set his luggage down in your bedroom.

“I’m here, baby.”

You poked your head out of the doorway, hair wet and matted, a towel wrapped around your body, “Tom! Hi!”

He had expected you to run up to him and jump into his arms, like you always did before.

Instead, you casually walked over, kissing his cheek as if he hadn't been gone for months, "You didn't tell me you were coming home!"

He hadn't thought much about in the moment, but now, he could tell something was just wrong.

He knew something would be different, that was the price that came with being gone for months at a time. But not with you.

You'd always been a constant for Tom, giving him a wonderful sense of security he lacked in his hectic life. He knew no matter he could count on coming home to your warm and loving embrace.

Or at least he did.

The rest of the night had been just as weird as when he came in. You had your normal movie marathon like you did every time Tom came home, but this time around that feeling that you were out of reach was in the back of Tom's head.

You were too far, barely touching him, and you sure as hell didn't say a word to him. The normal joking around was gone, replaced with silence despite the sounds of the movie surrounding the both of you.

You had asked him questions every once in a while, about his flight, if he was tired or hungry. If he hadn't been paying too much attention, he would've thought it was just you being your normal, caring self, but it was too polite, like he was just someone visiting.

He couldn't stop dwelling on it no matter how hard he tried and that's how he found himself walking around the apartment, coming to realize it just as different as you were.

It was all little things and maybe if he didn't feel the need to look so closely, he probably never would've noticed, but he couldn't help it now.

There were flowers everywhere, fake ones in pretty vases all around because the real ones made you sad when they inevitably died. Tom could almost picture how excited you must've been setting up each vase and how long it probably took you to decide where to put them because you were such a perfectionist.

The blankets and pillows on the couch were different too, cute little sayings stitched into each one, and Tom wondered when you'd gotten then. You used to always tell him when you got new things. When was the last time you'd mentioned going to Hobby Lobby or Target?

What stuck out to Tom the most were the pictures you had. Some of the old pictures of the two of you were replaced with people he'd never seen before, he assumed co-workers, though he couldn't recall you telling him about anyone in the photos with you.

He felt a pang of guilt. How much had he missed?

He finally came across a familiar picture, one Harrison had taken of the two of you when you weren't looking the day you moved into this apartment together. You and Tom were smiling goofily at each other, pulling out things from a box on the floor.

Tom couldn't help smiling as he thought back to that day, to how happy you were.

"Tommy, baby, you have to be careful carrying that box. It has all our plates and I don't think you're gonna want to eat off a napkin." You warned him as you watched him carry the heavy box on his own, despite you and Haz both offering to help.

"I'll be careful, princess, I promise," he said confidently before somehow tripping over his own feet and hitting the wall, the plates clattering loudly

Tom looked back to see you rolling your eyes as if you knew he would do exactly that. He quickly put the box down on the floor, finding the box cutter on the kitchen counter and opening it up to make sure he hadn't broken anything.

He let out a sigh of relief before yelling out, "They're all okay!"

You shook your head at him, but Tom could see a smile on your face as you tried not to laugh.

You approached him, mumbling something about putting the plates away before Tom could break them.

Harrison was behind you, carrying a box without any complications, "It's not too late for me to take him back, y/n."

"I might just take you up on that, Haz."

"Hey!" Tom pouted, "You don't mean that do you, baby?"

You wrapped your arms around him, standing up on your tippy toes to plant a big kiss on his cheek, "Never, honey, I don't know what I'd do without you."

He put a hand on your waist, pressing a kiss to your lips before saying, "Good thing you're stuck with me then."

You were about to say something when you were rudely off by Haz throwing a napkin at you, "Oi, you two, come help me unpack your things please."

You pulled away from Tom, your laughter filling the room as you went to help. Tom watched, a warmth filling him as he thought about how lucky he was to be living this with you.

'What happened?’ He wondered with a sigh, the fond memories fading, leaving him with an achy feeling in his chest as he plopped down on the couch.

The sound of the bedroom door opening startled him, pulling him out of thoughts completely.

“Baby?” You shuffled over to him sleepily, eyes squinting at the bright light, “What are you doing up so late?”

“Couldn’t sleep.”

You nodded, taking a seat beside him, laying your head on the soft cushion.

“What’s wrong, Tommy?”

Tommy. It was a nickname he had grown to love over the years.

“My Tommy,” you’d always say, usually right caressing his face fondly or pressing your lips to his.

He hadn’t realized just how much he missed hearing it or how long it’d been since the last time it came from your lips.

He didn't answer your question, looking down at his fingers. What was he supposed to say? "Hey, babe, I feel like our relationship is falling apart and I was wondering if you felt the same?"

No, he absolutely couldn't say that, but he couldn't just not say anything at all.

You gently touched his face, grabbing his drifting attention once more, "Baby, talk me. What's going on?"

He debated with his thoughts for a moment longer, before finally deciding to work up the courage to speak what was on his mind.

"I miss you."

You gave him a little smile, "I'm right here, silly."

"Are you?"

One question and Tom started to wonder if he should've kept his mouth shut, the hurt and confusion that immediately came over your face causing his heart to ache more than he thought was possible.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Y/n, you're sitting right in front me and I still feel like you're a million miles away."

You were speechless, not expecting those words to come out of his mouth.

"I, um, I don't know what you mean," you stammered out quickly, clearly lying.

Of course you knew what he meant, how could you not? A feeling of remorse flooded your body, you knew you'd been a bit distant, but you didn't know it'd been this bad or noticable.

It'd been so long since you really got to talk to Tom, both of you swamped with work and social lives, your paths barely crossed anymore. Before you knew it, your once amazing relationship, full of great communication, had been reduced to superficial and empty conversations.

"You don't? So nothing feels different between us right now?"

"I don't know what to say, Tom," you sat up, as if to get a better look at him, but you didn't meet his eyes, "Yes, something's different. Did you expect everything to be exactly the way you left it months ago?"

"No, I just," he ran his fingers through his hair, and you could tell he was choosing his words carefully, "I wish you cared more."

'Fuck,' it was like being punched in the gut. Tom meant the absolute world to you and for him to think you didn't care? It broke your heart.

"I care, Tom," you practically whispered, your voice full of sadness.

He didn't say a word, nodding instead, as if he wasn't convinced.

You sat in silence, for what felt like forever, just staring at everywhere but each other before Tom finally said something.

"Do you remember when you, Haz, Z, and I would get super drunk and stay up all night playing Mario Kart?"

You smiled, for a second you could almost imagine the four of you sitting on the couch, yelling and laughing, having the time of your lives, "As if I could ever forget, even drunk I could kick all of your asses.”

"That’s because you would always cheat!"

"I would not!"

Tom jokingly rolled his eyes, and for a moment the tension was gone. You were back to normal, all of your fears and worries ceased to exist. It was like you’d gone back to a time where things were simpler.

The illusion came crashing down the second you softly and very sadly said, "I miss those days."

Tom almost wanted to agree with you, to continue to remicine the past with you and go back to the feeling of ease the two of you had just seconds ago. Instead he asked, "What are we going to do?"

You didn't meet his eyes, "I don't know."

“I think I should stop working for a while, take some time off.”

For a moment, a part of you considered what that would mean. Tom would be home more often, you could actually see him, spend time with him. That was the same part of you that wanted to beg him to stay every time he had to leave. It was begging you to encourage him, telling you it’d be the perfect opportunity to rekindle your relationship.

Another part of you knew better though. It’d be selfish to ask Tom to flush all his hard work down the drain for you. You weren’t worth his career.

“No, absolutely not,” letting the latter side fuel you, “Babe, you can’t just stop working.”

“Why not?”

"You've worked so hard, I’m not going to let you throw that away for me."

'I'm not worth it,' is what your mind was practically yelling at him. You truly believed you weren't. You were just one person, how could you compare to the years of work and effort he'd put into his career?

"Do you love me?"

The question almost caught you off guard, of course you loved him, a lack of love for the man standing in front of you was definitely not the problem.

"More than anything."

"Then, please, angel, let me do this."

Tom had a look in eyes, one full of determination and you knew he had already made up his mind, but you couldn't help feeling like you had to convince him otherwise.

"Acting is your dream, Tom."

“No, you and I,” he motioned between the two of you, tears starting to well up in his eyes, “together. That’s my dream.”

"I don't want to lose you."

"Hey," you grabbed his face gently, using your thumbs to caress his face soothingly, wiping his tears away, "I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm not ready, baby, I'm not,” he choked on a sob, heavy tears falling freely down his face now.

You didn't say anything, you just wrapped your arms around him, holding him tight against your chest. You hoped your actions spoke the words you wanted to speak, but didn’t know how. You loved Tom more than anything and seeing him hurting, seeing your relationship fail first hand was killing you.

You started crying as the full extent of the situation finally hit you. Your relationship was failing. It was failing and you didn’t know what to do or how to fix it.

You felt like you couldn't breathe, like there was something heavy, crushing you. You were glad to have Tom there, his presence the only comfort you had at the moment.

You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that in each other’s arms, your sobs eventually turning to soft cries before stopping all together, finally letting you catch your breath.

Tom untangled himself from you, his puffy eyes meeting yours, "Can we go back to bed?"

"Of course, Tommy."

You wiped the remaining tears off his face, then the ones on your own, before grabbing his hand and gently leading him back to your room, back to your bed, back to where he belonged.

You climbed in right after him, immediately settling into your designated spot in his arms, your back against his chest, his arms wrapped around your waist. It was almost normal.

Silence engulfed you immediately, leaving only the sound of your soft breaths and the loud rain outside.

There was so much you wanted to say, but you were scared. Everything was falling apart right in front of your eyes and the thought of admitting it terrified you. Almost as much as the thought of losing Tom all together.

But you knew that if you didn’t speak up now, there might not be another opportunity to. There might not be a relationship left to save.

So, you worked up the courage to lace your fingers through his, holding onto him tightly because in some ways your life did depend on it and you whispered, "I'm not ready to wake up either."

Tagging: @fangirlwithasweettooth @bravest-at-heart @constellatinq @hoe-forharry @devildisguiseasangel @ravenclawmarvel @hollandsamor @cosmicholland @fairytaleparker @hollandsosterfield @now-imagine @officiallyunofficialperson @stealth-spiderr @xxxxdelenaxxxx @its-the-aerieljeane @petersstarcadet @babebenhardy @antoouu @lovinnholland @kxrtwxgner @sleepybesson @brookeelee98 @awkwardfangirl2014 @nedthegay @petersmparker @parkeroffline @snjms02 @the-queen-procrastinator @tomhollandsumbrella @spideyosterfield @thollandx @styles-balor4eva @80sthottie @marvelobsessedteenager @marshyrebelcloud @sixwyrxstuff @tomshufflepuff @jillanaholland @itscaminow @howdyherron @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @undiadeestos

[one-abuse-survivor]

hi, it's the milky way again

it's been a while since i've dropped something in your mailbox

i've now finished the school year and the grades and reports are coming in tomorrow or the day after. i'm kinda scared of them because i know they dropped a lot since last year but i'm pretty sure i passed most if not all of my courses so i think it'll be fine.

i started working a summer job a week ago and i'll be working the next week too. it's mostly because i need the money so i can replace my broken phone but also because we had to do some kind of job/workplace experience thing because of our school (that was voluntary though because of covid). the job pays really well so i might also get a new binder with the money since the one i have now is falling apart. on the other hand, working 8 hours a day for five days straight has really taken all of my energy and i can't listen to music while working which makes it a lot harder. the last week i've mostly been coming home in the evening, maybe eating something and going straight to bed.

(also i got my period last thursday and i hate hate hate it so much it makes everything so much worse even without the dysphoria it's just so messy and annoying to deal with)

a week ago i finally jumped over my shadow and talked to my mom but it was a huge disappointment. i'm pretty sure i couldn't get my point across in a way she'd understand and she kinda just admitted not being able to help after saying a bunch of things that really hurt. i removed myself from the situation by "going to bed" aka going to my room, locking my door and crying myself to sleep. i was just really pissed off and talking to her was kinda my last resort for when i realized i couldn't help myself anymore.

anyway, the day after that was monday (when i started working) and me, running on barely any sleep because the night before was a disaster, had to somehow survive work and i'm pretty sure i ignored or snapped at a lot of people that day which i feel kinda bad for.

on wednesday after work i talked to my mom again because i was pissed off and couldn't let it sit. she said the same kind of bs she had used on sunday and we got nowhere, since then i've probably been a lot less friendly to her but i'm just not ready to give up so much energy for her.

her favorite arguments we're things like "but others have it a lot worse" (which is a mindset i've worked on getting away from for quite a while) (also my mom was referring only to my grades with this but little does she know that the only reason why my grades aren't dropping that badly is because no matter how bad i got mentally, i yeeted stuff like self-care before school because school had always been structured and mostly clear while life in general was just. not.)

other arguments she used were "just get off your phone and set a timer for 45 minutes and concentrate on what you wanna get done" and "just pull yourself together, it's not that hard" (those were about me saying that i struggle with starting tasks and getting shit done)

lastly she also said that my expectations are just way too high and that if i didn't expect only the best from myself (this was about grades too) i wouldn't get so disappointed if i didn't get that great grade i was hoping for. and like, she's not wrong but if you've only ever been good at one thing in your entire life and you were really good at it, then you'd just expect nothing but the best from yourself because you know reaching that isn't impossible.

and she ended it with "what do you expect me to do?" and "i can't help you" and i realized later that i just should've said that she should help me get someone that *can* help me, like a therapist or something.

anyway, i'm proud of myself for finding a summer job and finally talking to my mom and not so proud of my grades and the fact that i can't seem to get the point across to my mom

thank you for creating this safe space for people like us, i wish you a happier time than the one i'm having :')

milky way here :|

got the reports and grades and stuff yesterday and i'm just :| about it. like, yea i know i'm still somewhere at the top of the class and that i'm more than one and a half grades better than some others in my class but i'm still upset about my grade in maths for example but my parents laughed/chuckled at me when i was upset and that really hurt

and afterwards my mom said something along the lines of "yes you're allowed to be stressed but because of your good grades you don't have the right to complain about being stressed" which is absolute bs and i still don't understand how having good grades disqualifies one from complaining and i'm sure as hell not gonna ask her

i just wanna scream in her face but i'm pretty sure she'd slap me if i did that

i'm almost done with my summer job and since monday noon i had the chance to work in a different part of the factory which is a lot less uncomfy to be in because it has AC and since it's not in the lab itself, i don't have to wear a hair net, an overall, steel-toed boots and rubber gloves.

today i set myself a few goals for the summer break and for the next school year and i really hope i can get through with those because it'd make future-me extremely happy

have a great great time :D

and PS: since tumblr has been eating a lot of notifs lately i missed a lot of your posts and i tried filtering by the milky way anon tag but only one post showed up. i'm not sure what's up with that tho

Hi again! Don’t worry, I got you. Here’s a link to all the asks you’ve sent up to this point: first, second, third. All of them are tagged, but the tumblr search engine isn’t exactly known for its accuracy. I use the tumblr original post finder site for this stuff, but I just realised by looking for your asks that the site takes capital letters into account, so the ones that were tagged with a capital M in Milky weren’t showing. They all do show now that I changed the M to lowercase. So I’ll have to try to be more consistent with that from now on 😅

On to your asks. First off, congrats on finishing your course! And I really hope you can replace your phone and your binder :D sorry about getting your period, though, that really sucks :(

I think the conversation with your mom that Sunday is the one discussed on the third ask I linked. I'm really sorry the same thing happened on Wednesday. It's not your fault you can't get across to her—she's the one who should be open to helping you and offering possible (actual) solutions to the problems you're bringing up to her, and not you who should spell out every single thing she can do to help you. You're not being unclear to her—she's being obtuse and refusing to listen.

You're not meant to know how to just "pull yourself together", and you're absolutely right that your grades not dropping all the way doesn't mean you're not struggling, and you still deserve help so you don't have to jeopardise your mental health for your grades. And while she's right you don't deserve to be so hard on yourself or to expect perfection from yourself, that's also something that you deserve professional help with. Again, you're not meant to know how to just turn off those emotions and thought processes.

*hugs* sorry your math grade wasn't as high as you'd hoped. It's okay to be upset and disappointed by that, and I'm so sorry they laughed at you. You do have every right to express your emotions, and you're not being unfair to anyone else for being unhappy with your own grades. I often feel the same! I get really good grades (as I think I've already said), and I also often feel disappointed when a grade isn't as high as I'd hoped. There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. I'm really glad you know what your mom says is bs, because it really is. It's no wonder you feel like screaming in her face—she sounds incredibly frustrating, exhausting and invalidating to deal with. You deserve so much better than this 😔

I'm so glad you're proud of yourself! I'm really proud of you too for everything you've accomplished despite her being so unhelpful and invalidating, and I really hope you're enjoying the rest of your summer holidays and you can reach your goals! And if the occasion arises and you do end up using the "you can help me find someone who can help me" line, I hope it goes better. But if not, again, please know this is an issue of her refusing to listen, and not of you being unclear about what you need.

Sending a huge virtual hug ❤️

[jacscorner]

Fox McCloud of Kongo Bongo Part 1

Hello, beautiful friends. I'm simul-posting this silly fanfic idea I had for a while now. Cause Fox McCloud X Tiny Kong content doesn't exist except for the content I made myself, so I'm making a fic dedicated to my silly Sword & Planet doodle I did some months back.

With all that said, I hope you all enjoy, and sorry for any spelling and grammar faults. I'll fix them after the post if someone points 'em out to me, but this fic is being written by the seat of my pants and pretty casually.

The Lylat System was quiet. It had been a short year since the return of Andross when Fox McCloud and the Star Fox team had stopped Andross from destroying Corneria and taking over the system. Fox McCloud, leader of Team Star Fox, was piloting his Arwing past Sector X. The strange nebula was once the secret base for Andross and his operations during the First Lylat War, but now the odd cosmic cloud in the shape of a cross was just a quiet landmark through the system. At least, so it should.

[This is Pepper. Come in, Fox.]

Fox gave a tired grunt, losing his concentration and focus as he reached for the communicator strapped to his head and flipped it on. "You're clear, Peppy."

[Are ya seein' anything there, Fox?]

"That's a negative." Fox said as he checked his instruments again. "I'm still getting those weird readings that Slippy picked up, but I'm not seeing anything."

[Ya shoulda waited at the Great Fox like I told ya, Fox.]

Fox gave a roll of his eyes as he said, "Peppy, stop worrying so much." After the return of Andross every low life of the system seemed to go into hiding. True peace was still out of reach, and there was always work for the members of Team Star Fox, but finding any big named criminals who tried to fill the same niche Andross were hard to come by. In a way, Fox didn't like this; as a mercenary, he lived to fight. Was it wrong to think that way? Most certainly; peace in the Lylat System, where no little kid lost their father like he did, was the ultimate goal. But he needed food on the table like anyone else did.

[Wolf O'Donnell is still at large, Fox. He could be setting up a trap for ya.]

Cap'n Wolf O'Donnel, the name rang in Fox's ear. He could still see the burning, red scar on that wolf's face, the yellow of his eyes burning into his own. Out of all the mercenaries Andross hired to take him and Miyu out, Wolf was probably the best. His equal in almost every way and nearly sent him to his doom. It was the most intense fight Fox had ever been in; for the first time in his life, Fox truly feared that he was gonna die.

And yet, ever since then, there's been a hole in his chest that he couldn't quiet fill.

"If Wolf's out there, then I'll be ready for him."

[Fox, you're-]

"End transmission." Fox didn't wait for a reply, turning off his head piece. He wasn't in the mood to keep listening to Peppy badger him over this; besides, if Wolf was out here, then he would've shown his face by now, right? There wasn't anywhere to hide in Sector X, it wasn't anything by burning gas and bright light.

"One more pass around." Fox told himself, initiating another scan. If nothing was here, then he should turn back and head back for the Great Fox. At least, that's what he should do, but he was in no real rush to make it back to Peppy and listen to him nag his ear off. He cruised around Sector X thinking about how he'd rather go to Titania. There's a nice little saloon there, perfect place to refuel his Arwing and drink his problems away. Just the thought of Titania ale was tempting Fox to ditch his mission. It was weird; he wasn't much of a drinker before, by after the first Lylat War, he grew a taste for alcohol.

Suddenly, Fox jerked the controls on his Arwing, suddenly him into a dive just in time to avoid a photon shot. His instincts kicked in just in time, but where the hell did that come from?! He looked on his radar, seeing nothing, but then looked to see an incoming transmission message. He didn't even patch it through or have the chance to reject the message when a scarred face appeared on screen.

"Hello, pup."

"Wolf!" Fox growled as he glanced up, seeing the lone, quad-wing ship cut through the unforgiving void as he rocketed right for the vulpine pilot. Fox bared his fangs, starting to charge right for Wolf like a demented game of chicken. "I knew you were skulking about these parts!"

"And I knew you'd come with the right bait." Wolf chuckled, his shields deflecting Fox's photon shots as he fired back with his own. "And now it's time I pay back the debt I racked up back on Macbeth."

With some expert barrel rolls, Fox was able to deflect Wolf's own shots, the two ships crossing the other's paths.

"Not to mention I'm paying you back for killing the rest of my team." Wolf snarled, spinning his ship around and beginning to chase Fox through space. His ship let out rapid volleys of hot orange shots on Fox's tail, but Fox managed to evade each shot. Fox could feel Wolf gritting his teeth as he managed to evade each shot. It was like Fox had eyes on the back of his head and Wolf couldn't get a clean shot!

[Fox, come in! Fox! Fox, answer me!]

Meanwhile, Fox couldn't shake Wolf from his tail; it was like Wolf was glued on! He tried to perform a somersault, but Wolf was right behind him, gunning for his engines. He felt his air form a lump in his throat; Wolf was giving him no chance to breath or get any space to counter attack.

"Get back here, brat!" Wolf called out, but Fox was too focused to be distracted or baited by the bounty hunter.

[H-hey! F-Fox, can you hear-ribbit?!]

"Want me?! Come and get me!" Fox called back at Wolf. With a well-timed barrel role, he deflected Wolf's volley of shots and slammed the breaks. Wolf flew right past him and was reading right for the burning mass that was Sector X before Fox chased Wolf down. Now that the tables had turned, Fox was going for the kill, charging up a photon shot that he aimed right for Wolf's engine, prepared to finish off his rival once and for-

[HEY GENIUS! WHAT ARE YA DOIN'?! GET OUTTA THERE!]

Falco's shrieking in Fox's ear piece made him release his shot just before the charge was done, nailing Wolf right in the back of his ship, just missing his engine. Wolf started to climb up and get away, but Fox was more focused on the ringing in his ear. It felt like a siren was blaring with how loud it was.

"...Wait, that's not my ear." Fox flinched as he looked at his were going crazy! Before he could decipher what was happening, a sudden, brighter light came from Sector X. In the center of the nebula's glowing cross appeared,a void of purple light that began to swell and open up.

"A Worm Hole!" Fox realized it too late! He tried to pull away, but this Worm Hole was sucking him in! His controls were starting to lock up; try as Fox might, but he couldn't escape the gravity field the Worm Hole was projecting! It was like a hand had grabbed his ship and started to pull him in by force!

"What is this?! I can't get away!" Wolf shouted, doing no better as his ship was being lured right into the vortex as well.

Fox couldn't think; Wolf's screaming and the Arwing blaring were growing more and more distant as they fell closer to the Worm Hole. His life was starting to flash before his eyes; Fox thought that fear would grip his heart, yet he was oddly calm. Life, death; they didn't seem to matter anymore. Or, rather, Fox felt ready to embrace his fate. Day to day life felt more and more like a chore for the mercenary. And while he didn't rush towards death, he wasn't against letting it come to him. As the light began to fade and sound turn to nothingness, Fox felt ready to embrace death like a bride.

And then, nothingness.

This wasn't the first time Fox had entered a Warp Zone, but this was different from the last time.

The last time, back in the first Lylat War, was a constant bombardment of light and sound. Blues and pinks, odd sounds that made Fox think of some odd, old-school music. It was dizzying back then, yet it felt oddly natural. As if nothing was weird at all; or maybe the odd Warp Zone was manipulating him though the protective hull of his Arwing, making him feel relaxed when any sign man would be panicking and screaming, crashing their ship to any and every piece of debris in the void in a misguided attempt to confirm if what they were being subjected to was real or just a dream they couldn't wake up from.

It wasn't like that this time at all; in fact, it was the exact opposite. Fox couldn't see anything, it was all dark. It wasn't black as night or even dark like space. There was no source of any light, not even from his Arwing. He couldn't see his own hand even if it was trembling in front of his own face. He couldn't hear anything either; not Wolf's screaming, not that he could tell if he was or not, not the alarms his Arwing should've been giving off, not even the sound of his own heart.

He couldn't feel anything either. Not the taste of his own spit, not the seat he was sure he was still sitting in, nor the controls his hands wouldn't let go of with his vice-like grip. Fox felt as though he was cramped inside of his cockpit, yet weightless, and his sad attempt to anchor himself in place was useless. Was this what death was like or was this just the odd void he was trapped in.

How long would he be here? Would he die here? Could he die here? And just how long has he been here? At first, he thought it was just five minutes, but at the same time, he felt that he had been floating here for five hours. It was getting so bad that Fox couldn't tell if he was even still in the cockpit. Was he awake? Thinking in his sleep? Were his eyes even open?

CRASH!

Suddenly, all of his senses hit him like a hammer upside the head. A low groan escaped Fox's muzzle; he wanted to feel something, but now it was pain. His body felt sore and stiff; it felt like he had slept all day and hadn't moved a muscle, but somehow worse. Like he was stuck in his cockpit for weeks. His eyes slowly peeled open with a groan as a setting sun's light pierced his retinas like a hot laser.

With a grimace, the fox blindly reached across the console to open the hatch to his cockpit. His ears twitched anxiously with the lack of any cockpit opening sounds. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he tried to press the button again, but noticed how it felt through his leather glove.

Cold.

His console felt ice cold. The Arwing wasn't running. Fox tried to fire it up, but he didn't even catch the sputter of the engine.

"Great. My Arwing's dead..." Fox grunted as he adjusted his seat. With a hard kick of his metallic leg, Fox kicked the glass shielding off of his Arwing before he dragged himself out. Popping his neck and shoulders, Fox looked around. He was on some kind of beach, but this didn't look like any beach he knew. The sand was black as night and gave a beautiful, if not ominous, shine under the setting, red sun. He looked ahead of him, seeing crimson waves push and as high tide began to set in. Behind him, a massive jungle, but there were smoke stacks poking from the tree line. Black clouds of smog began were pouring into the air, obscuring Fox's view from looking beyond the trees.

"Where in Lylat am I...?" Fox mumbled, but he questioned if he was really still in the Lylat System at this point. He reached for his head piece and began to speak. "Fox to the Great Fox, do you hear me guys?" He was met with a chorus of static in his ears. "Great, my Arwing's dead and now I can't even call for help." Just as Fox thought things couldn't get worse, he heard something.

Marching?

Fox pulled out his blaster, turning behind him and preparing to fire a warning shot, but was promptly met with a pair of larger guns pointing at his face. They looked crude and rudimentary as opposed to his own blaster, but they were not only much bigger, but there were five crocodiles pointing what looked like brass-and-steel blunderbusses at Fox's head, florescent tubes sticking out of the sides of their guns.

"Don't even think about it, furball." The croc snarled, his body bulging with muscles covered by mostly green scales. "Drop your blaster and come quietly or your hide will make a nice rug."

"Oh damn..."

[wickedbarnes]

𝕬𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖑 𝖎𝖓 𝕯𝖎𝖘𝖌𝖚𝖎𝖘𝖊 (Pt. 3) | John Wick x Reader

Part 2

WARNING: Abduction. Angst. Violence.

--

It had been about two days since you last seen Iosef and as much as you'd love to know how he's doing, you just couldn't bring yourself to do so just yet. Viggo had been doing business and his presence is much needed if he wants to keep all the fortune he has right now. So he has no choice but to leave you alone at the mansion.

You weren't entirely defenseless since you refused to be. The moment you knew the dangers of bearing the Tarasov name was the moment you had secretly took up Jui-Jitsu class and Krav Maga. You knew that if you told either Iosef or your father about this they'd immediately make you stop. Especially when you had recently took up shooting classes. You found out you had quite the skill in holding guns and shooting them.

But that secret was just that. A secret.

Despite all those, you had no choice but to have guards watching over you. And somehow, the situation almost made you laugh even though you were scared deep down inside. You already knew what was to come.

You had tried to mentally prepare yourself for it. John Wick is a man of focus and sheer will. You knew that he would get and finish what he started under any circumstance. So him going after you wouldn't be such a stretch since that's how it works in the underworld.

As long as you're a relative of a certain target, you'd also be a prey.

The thought of being a possible target caused your hairs to stand up in your body that you just had to go out of your room and make your way down the kitchen. You didn't even feel safe in your room anymore. The guards that had greeted you didn't assure your thoughts of being away from the Baba Yaga. You knew that he could take all of them in a short period of time.

Meanwhile, John had successfully snuck in the back entrance of the mansion. According to Marcus, Viggo had left about twenty of his men roaming around with a duty to protect you. While he left about ten to Iosef at the Red Circle. Once he gets you to the Continental, he'll be on his way to find your brother and put a bullet in his head.

Shaking his head, John had proceeded to make his way further inside where he began to fight a swarm of men that charged at him. All of which were very easy to kill. His gun was a dead give away of his presence inside the Tarasov residence. Maybe he should've carried a silencer instead.

Once he made his way through the huge living room, John tucked his gun in his pants and proceeded to grab his knife where he quietly stabbed the remaining guards that roamed around until he had finally reached the kitchen where you had your back towards him as you quietly made a cup of coffee.

Your hunch was right when you said he'd come for you. The sound of guns going off and the guards running around in panic were an obvious sign that the Boogeyman is in the same vicinity as you. But surprisingly, you didn't feel the need to hide. Nor run away despite the fact one of the guards had reassured you that you'll be escaping the mansion once they take care of the situation.

But the silence that lingered inside the whole house was enough to tell you that John had killed them all.

You stirred the coffee in your favorite mug after you had put the creamer in. Raising the cup to your lips, you blew on the drink softly before carefully taking a sip just as you felt the cold metallic feel of a gun against the back of your head.

"Good evening, Mr. John." You greeted and almost smiled at the name you had once called him before, your voice void of any fear or panic but you made sure you had repressed that deep down. You had refused to let John know that you're scared.

"Fancy having coffee with me?" You asked, taking another careful sip of your drink.

John was somehow taken aback by your reaction. He expected you to hide or beg him not to hurt you but he was surprised to see how calm you were and even go as far as to drink coffee while he was holding you at gun point.

"I would but I don't have much time." He replied, his voice deeper and huskier last time you remembered.

"Shame. My father always told me I make the best coffee. Would've loved to get your opinion on that. You love coffee, don't you?" You asked, taking a bigger sip of your caffeine drink since it began to get colder.

"I do." John replied and let out a deep sigh, "Y/N, I really don't want to do this to you but I-"

"We should go before Papa calls on more backups." You said, completely cutting him off as you placed your mug on the sink and moved away from the counter before making your way out of the kitchen, leaving John standing there a bit dumbfounded.

"I'm sorry?" He asked, turning to look at you confusingly. You took a deep breath before you had finally turned to face him, ignoring the fact that he looks much better than he did all those years ago. You have seen just how older he got but he was handsome nonetheless. Raven hair gelled to perfection while he sported his usual three piece suit. But now wasn't the time to admire him.

"I said we should go before Papa calls on more backups. He's probably contacting the head of security but I assume he's somewhere in the house laying in his own blood." You stated nonchalantly before nodding your head outside the kitchen, "Let's go."

You were insane. You just had to be. In all his years of being in the game, John has never seen someone so calm about being abducted or possibly killed. But somehow, he found himself walking behind you, completely ignoring the dead bodies that loitered around the hallway as you lead him back to the back exit where you saw a car waiting outside.

"New car?" You asked as you both walked to the sleek looking car.

"Just borrowed it." He answered, making his way over to open the door for you.

You raised your brows at him but didn't question him any further as you hopped inside the car before he closed the door.

It amused you how he didn't forget the act of chivalry even when he was potentially abducting you. It didn't take long before he hopped inside and drove away from your home to God knows where. You nervously fiddled with your fingers but made sure to do it discreetly.

Despite the cool facade you had put on, the fear in your body never left. You were surprised you still managed to put up the act that you were unbothered by all this. But somehow, your mind and body told you that John didn't seem like a man that would kill you just because you were Viggo's daughter and Iosef's sister.

John was an assassin but he wasn't a monster. That's what you knew and kind of held on to.

"You're an odd one." John would say after some time as he kept his eyes on the road.

"I know." You replied, your gaze never leaving the window as you passed by the busy city of New York.

"You do realize what's currently happening, right?" You felt John stealing a glance at you and you couldn't help but smile slightly as you nodded your head.

"Indeed I do, Mr. John. I wasn't born yesterday. I know what my brother did." You sighed and shifted in your seat, "I'm sorry about your wife. I tried to convince Iosef not to do what he did but he's very hard-headed."

"What do you mean?"

"The night he broke into your home, stole your car and... killed your dog, I warned and tried to persuade him not to do so. But I didn't know it was you who he was going to be messing with. I just told him not to go through with his plan since for me, it was stupid. And that one day, his ego and pride would end up with him having a bullet in his head. It seems that the prophecy I foretold is coming true."

John tightened his grip on the steering wheel and gave a solemn nod to your explanation as he focused on driving safely to the Continental.

"I'm sorry." He said after some time.

"I am too." You would say, "But apologies don't really work in situations like these."

"How can you be so calm about this? I'm going to kill your brother, Y/N. I'm sorry, but my decision is set on this. And if your father interferes, I might kill him too." His words tugged at your heartstrings and you had tried your best not to cry at that moment.

The feeling of hearing your family's possible demise from the man that's going to kill them hit really different. But you had no choice. You knew this was a dog eat dog world. You either kill or get killed. And you understood that Iosef took something precious from John despite the fact it was only a car and a dog. But somehow, you knew those two things were worth more to him than anything else.

"I know. But I'm not stupid, John. An eye for an eye. I'm calm about this because I already know what's going to happen. Don't get me wrong, I love my father and my brother more than anything in this world. After my mother died, they were all I have. And I'm sure you were like that with the gifts your wife had left for you." You swallowed the lump that was forming in your throat as you noticed John stopping the car in front of the Continental Hotel.

Turning the engine off, John turned to look at you but your gaze was still on the window, silently watching the people walk by.

"And if I was in your place I would be doing what you're doing right now." You said, finally having the courage to look back at him.

"I'm calm not because I want them dead. But because I have no choice. I can only do so much, Mr. John." You forced yourself to smile softly at him as you possibly could but John is not a man that should be fooled.

Because underneath that smile, he saw utter sorrow. Sorrow that he knew all too well. Because there was nothing more painful than losing the people you have left in your life and you couldn't do anything about it.

[silvertonedwords]

An Evening Visit

(Newt in New York, 2.0)

Muffled voices carry from the other side of the wooden door. Newt shifts his case to his left hand, hovering for a moment, and knocks softly.

The talking stops.

“Queenie, what?” He hears Tina say. He squeezes the handle of his case. She's right there. Just on the other side of the door. Of course she is, he chides himself impatiently. Why you came.

“It's…” Queenie’a voice trails off.

“Who? Queenie, who?”

“I'll get it.” Queenie’s light footsteps grow closer. The door swings open.

Newt looks up. Queenie’s smiling at him. That’s good right? Smiling is good. He looks down and fumbles with his case.

“Come in, come in.” Queenie steps aside and beckons him into the apartment.

“Who is…” Tina walks around the corner and into the entryway. She stops short when she sees him. “Newt.”

He looks up into her eyes and for a moment can do nothing but stare as his heart seems to try and clamber out of his chest. Her gaze widens, her teeth catching on her lip, and a smile spreads across his face.

She looks down, her lips pressed into a tight line as she tucks her hair behind her ear.

He falters. “I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to write. I meant to, but then the Ministry—and I thought I'd better leave you see, before they decided…” he trails off. He really should've written. It's not done, is it, to simply appear across the Atlantic unannounced? Merlin, he hadn't even thought about it as he’d scribbled out directions for Bunty and tucked Tina's copy of his book into the case. He should've…he should’ve checked with them, at least given them some notice…

“Oh, don't be silly, honey.” Queenie looks back at Tina, a silent conversation between sisters he couldn’t hope to understand. Her voice grows warmer than it had been at first. “We’re glad you're here.”

Newt glances hopefully at Tina, who has crossed her arms over her chest and seems to be looking at some point on the opposite side of the room. She clears her throat. “And when did you arrive in New York, Mr. Scamander?”

Newt startles. But her letters had been addressed to Newt. Why is she…her eyes finally meet his for the space of a breath. They are somehow both dark and bright, and he’s almost certain that there's a hardness in them. This is that’s a section 3-A Mr. Scamander Tina. Not Tina from the docks. Not Tina stepping into his case with eyes so enthralled that his hand had itched for a pencil and sketch paper, though he’d known he’d never do them justice.

“Just…just this evening,” he manages. Is she…is something wrong? She seems…something. Worried, or upset, or…he hasn't received a letter in over a month, which had only increased his urgency in obtaining a travel permit. To make sure she's alright. To understand why. Her hair is different. Short, and with fringe falling on her forehead. He has a sudden impulse to touch that fringe. To make her smile. Would it make her smile? It hadn’t made her smile on the docks. But it had been almost better, her expression in that moment almost a year ago.

“She's alright,” Queenie says softly. “Mostly.”

“Queenie,” Tina warns.

Newt jolts, reminded yet again that his thoughts are not private here. At least when not masked in his accent.

“I’ve gotten better at that since last year. Guess I know you,” Queenie tells him.

Newt blinks.

Queenie turns to her sister. “He's worried about you, Teen.” Newt swallows as Tina’s expression darkens ever so slightly. Merlin, how on earth is he supposed to make sense of this. “No, ‘course he is.”

Newt pulls his gaze away to find Queenie studying him. He shifts under the scrutiny, trying to reign in his thoughts. Is she ill perhaps. Or has something happened at work? Maybe he misunderstood on the docks. Maybe she didn't want him to come. He swallows, hurt and just a little angry. Oh Merlin he'd really thought—

“Oh, honey.” Newt bites his lip. “No. She’s just been outta sorts lately.”

Newt looks to Tina. “Why?” He studies the features he can see, the stubborn set of her jaw and her delicate lips and elegant chin. The hair curling about her cheeks. His mind is drawn to the newspaper clipping tucked in his pocket. He’d remembered to reverse the sticking charm and remove it from the lid of his case on the walk to the apartment. It's close isn't it, but there's something about her eyes in person that newsprint can't quite show. Life. Fire.

“You kept it.” Queenie interrupts his thoughts, her voice strangely softened, less bright.

Newt jumps.

“Don't read his mind,” Tina says. There’s something in the way she holds her arms around her, shoulders squared. Firm and impassive, or trying to be, but there’s a quiver in her chin. “You didn't have to come, you know, Mr. Scamander.”

Newt frowns, hand tightening reflexively on his case.

“No, she didn't mean it like that. I can't help it, Teen,” Queenie adds. “You're both bein’ loud.”

He swallows. “I wanted to. I very much wanted to…see you…both…again.”

Tina stares at him, arms crossed. “I thought all aurors were careerist hypocrites.”

“Er, yes,” he flushes. “About that. I didn't mean—”

“Didn't mean what Mr. Scamander?”

Newt fishes in his coat pocket, pulling out a slim volume wrapped in brown paper. “I brought you a copy. As promised.”

Tina hesitates, then takes a few steps closer and lifts it from his hands, careful that they never touch. Her palm slides across the rough surface, and for a moment he is mesmerized by watching her carefully ease off the twine and paper and remove a burnished new copy of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

“A bunch’a people were talkin’ about your book at work the other day, Newt.”

“Were they?”

“ ‘course they were,” Tina agrees, her posture suddenly less like that of a cornered creature. “It's—the book is amazing, Newt.”

“We’re real proud’a ya,” Queenie adds.

Newt deflates a little. “You've read it?”

Tina looks at him without speaking, her slim fingers still gripping the volume.

“I meant to come sooner, you see, only—“

Tina clears her throat. “You had other obligations.”

“Not really.” Tina stares at him, her brow furrowed. “The Ministry wouldn’t let me travel. Something about destroying the city of New York.”

Tina’s lip turns up into a smile. “Oh, they objected to that did they?”

“Rather a lot.”

She gestures to his case. “And do they know you've brought that?”

“Yes. Technically. Er—rather,” he smiles to find her looking at him, some of the weight of before lifted in her teasing, “may not have mentioned every species.”

“Just a few then?” Her eyes dance, and his chest soars rather too high to fit inside his body.

“Well…”

“I meant to ask. The entry on Pogrebins. We learned about them in training, but have you ever actually…”

She stops. “Tina?” He asks, his smile faltering.

“Teenie I told you that wasn't true, of course he doesn't think you're—I still think there's gotta be more to it than—’course you're confused how to—well if you're going to be stubborn about it.”

Newt looks between the sisters, perplexed.

“I'm gonna go make us some cocoa,” Queenie announces. Newt looks down awkwardly as she walks off, shifting his case between hands.

“You can set that down Mr. Scamander.”

“Right! Right.” He gently lowers the case to the floor, feeling strangely weightless without it.

Pickett pokes his head out of Newt’a pocket in the newfound silence and chirps with delight. “Oh. Oh, yes, Pick, that's Tina.”

Tina looks up curiously.

“He remembers you,” Newt explains, holding his hand against his coat for Pickett to climb out.

“Could—I…?” Tina holds out a hand, and Newt reaches to transfer Pickett to her, forgetting until the last moment that it will involve touch. He forces himself to remain still as her hand brushes his. Pickett climbs over happily, and Newt moves away, smiling as Tina carefully balances the bowtruckle. His hand doesn’t quite feel like skin, though, at the moment. Well, perhaps a bit like the time he’d spilled an entire vial of murtlap essence onto one foot.

“I don't…have to stay. Here, that is, I mean. I could find a room…” he sighs at his clumsiness. “I'm afraid I'm not very good at this. I don't have friends.”

Tina’s eyes find his, wide and warm and shoving his heart rate up a good few beats. “Yes,” she says softly. “Yes, you do.” She touches him arm. No, not murtlap. Dittany? No, it isn’t one burning jolt. It’s like fireworks. A stinging, sparkling, lively thing that hurts almost, but in a wonderful, exhilarating way. Newt thinks he does well not to combust.

“Here we are,” Queenie announces as she returns, passing out mugs of steaming cocoa. Tina’s hand quickly falls away.

“I meant to say. Congratulations, and all.” Tina's posture is steady as usual, her shoulders back and her chin high. But her voice wobbles. The niffler does that, when he’s trying to scare off a creature from his treasures that’s actually bigger than him.

“Er—” he thinks for a moment. Right. The book. “Thank you.”

“I should've asked.” Tina stares at Pickett. “When's the wedding?”

“Er—June. How did you hear about that?” Merlin's beard, are the newspapers in America running articles about Theseus now? He pictures several that have run in the Prophet back home, still at a loss to understand why wizards and witches take such an interest.

“We do get news on this side of the pond, Mr. Scamander,” Tina says, sharp again.

He looks at her, puzzled.

“Oh—“ Queenie says. “Oh, Teenie.” Suddenly she’s smiling between the two of them.

“What?” Tina snaps at her sister. “Queenie, will you just say whatever it is.”

“Ask him.”

The sisters stare at each other for a moment. “Ask him what.”

“You know.”

“Please don’t—” Newt cuts off his own frustrated voice. Ask him what? He feels cut out of some secret in most conversations, but this one—

“Sorry.” Queenie frowns at him, tilting her head.

Tina gathers herself up. “Leta didn’t come with you?”

“Leta? No, why would she?”

“I just thought, with the wedding’n all.”

“But the wedding’s in England. Mother is beside herself about it. Her oldest son and a June wedding at the manor. Absolutely insisted I agree when Theseus asked me to be best man, and—” he realizes he's rambling and stops.

“You—” Tina squeaks.

“I mentioned him in my letters. Theseus. Did I not?” That must be the confusion. “My older brother, Theseus. He’s an auror, head auror actually. Insufferable, really. Not that aurors are—Not that you are—“

Tina stares at him. Her eyes are a little wild. He could touch her fringe couldn't he? Just a little brush, to get it out of her eyes.

“No, Sweetie. He’s not upset about it. Not like that.”

Newt glances at Queenie and swallows heavily.

Tina takes a step closer. “You’re not marrying Leta?” Her voice is nervy, grounded with warmth.

He shivers. He's missed it. Imagining her voicing her own letters hadn't been the same. “What?”

“The magazine, it said—“ Tina’s voice trails off. “Oh. Newt I'm so sorry.”

“Whatever for?”

“You and Leta—”

“Oh, no that's...” Newt shakes his head, shifting through his jumbled feelings on the matter. He'd been hurt at first, but more by the way they’d already grown apart than  any disappointments more tender. “I used to think I—once, I might've—I haven't thought of her in that way in a long time. Especially now I've—” met you he wants to say.

Queenie beams at him, and now that he's finally caught some thread of Tina's thoughts, the look bolsters him.

“You've thought I was engaged?”

Tina nods. “When I saw the article last month…well, you and Queenie’d talked about her, and you have that picture in your case…”

“You stopped writing back a month ago.”

Tina blinks. Her hand lingers at the end of her hair, her teeth digging into her lip. “Yeah.”

“I thought I must've annoyed you—”

“You could never—not like that. I—”

Newt’s vaguely aware of Queenie watching them, and for half a second he wonders if she'll explain. But no, he thinks, he wants them to do this on their own. Understand each other. “I've missed your letters.”

“You have?”

“I don't think I've checked for owls so often. Well. Perhaps when I was studying their routes in the Scottish Highlands but that was—why did you stop?”

“After I read the article I didn't think it was appropriate for me to—for a young woman to be writing—not one who wanted to—when you were writing for a different reason—”

“Entirely appropriate. I mean. Inappropriate. That is. It would've been appropriate, for how I feel about you. Er. It is appropriate.”

Newt jumps at a soft, indignant squawk. “Pickett, I'm sorry!” Tina rebalances him, a flush spreading over her cheeks as she levels her hand out again.

“Tina could I…” he steps closer, her gaze settling on him.

He gulps as she lifts Pickett up to crawl back into his pocket, her hand pressing into his chest. Still not combusting. That's good, then. Her palm flattens against his chest. His breath hitches. “Newt,” she whispers. “Look at me.”

Slowly, he lifts his head. She smiles at him, and he searches her eyes for a moment, sighing with relief.

Cautiously, he brings his hand up to cover hers, stroking his thumb across the back as her fingers curl into his chest. Merlin, her eyes are breathtaking. “You were asking me something.”

“Yes, right, I was. Might I—” He wets his lips and her eyes follow the movement. “That is, would you mind. No that’s not right. Would you—that is, may I kiss you?” She smiles. Yes, he thinks, falling into her eyes, salamanders.

“Yes,” she whispers.

“It's perfectly alright if not, I—yes?”

“Please.”

They stare at each other for a moment, and then his eyes fall shut and he leans into her. The kiss is a short, fumbling, inelegant, perfect thing. Energy fizzles through Newt’s skin. He pulls back to see her smiling softly, her fingers brushing hair from his forehead. He sighs and gives in to the urge to run his fingertips along her jaw, feeling with wonder that she leans into the touch.

Queenie, he realizes, must have slipped away to a different room.

A loud, gruff snort from the ground beside them startles them both. “Oh that'll be Horatia. She's probably hungry.”

“Do I wanna ask what—”

“Just a hippogriff I'm looking after for Mum. She bent a wing and can't keep up with the herd.”

“You brought a hippogriff.”

“Well, yes. Just one. Well not quite. Two, I think. Yes, two definitely.” It’s very hard to think with Tina’s fingers dancing across his cheek.

She hesitates for a moment, then returns his smile with a grin.

The pads of her fingers graze his neck. He fights the urge to purr like a satisfied beast.

“Would you like to come meet her?” Newt considers it for a moment, then reaches to tuck her hair behind her ear, tracing its shape and shivering when she takes in a sharp breath. “She's magnificent.”

“I’d love to.”

Newt smiles, then spins to the case, tugging her with him. They're pressed close together as he opens the clasps, and Newt cannot resist reaching for another peck. Her hand grips his, her lips soft and pliant and her gasp sending a jolt of energy up his spine.

“I’m glad you came Mr. Scamander.” Queenie calls from the next room.

They freeze, Newt’s blush spreading quickly across his face. Tina kisses his forehead, her fingers threaded lightly into his hair, and okay, he might still combust.

“The case?”

“Yes, right. The case.” Newt agrees, squeezing her hand, and turns to climb down.

“Newt.”

He stops, looking back at her.

“I’m sorry.”

He tilts his head, confused. “Whatever for?”

She looks at her hands, tangled up with his. “I should’ve trusted you. I should’ve—“

He doesn’t know what to say, other than it cannot possibly be her fault. “I was a bit surprised when I received your first letter. Not because—but I thought you may not write to me. That’s what people have always done, you see. Say they want to. And then—“

She listens carefully, eyes wide.

“You’re always surprising me.”

“Who wouldn’t write back to you?”

Newt huffs out a rough, short sound, not quite a laugh.

“Except me,” Tina concludes.

“No, no, that’s not at all what I meant,” he rushes to explain, frustrated with himself. “You—you’re—I thought that maybe you didn’t want to, and knowing that you did is—“ He threads their fingers together. “Don’t be sorry. I’m happy.”

Tina smiles. “So am I,” she whispers roughly. He thinks he’ll have to try again, to sketch her right. Maybe tomorrow.

[softmintmochi]

Genre: Angst

Summary: The biggest day of your life is finally here. You've never been happier in your life. Everyone important in your life is here, glad that you're happy.

Jimin's POV

I sigh deeply as I steady myself, my nerves making me feel on edge. Today is the day. Surrounded by my friends, I feel a sense of security. "Are you nervous, Jimin?" Seokjin pats my back soothingly, and I smile up at him. "Of course I'm nervous. What if I do something wrong? Say something wrong?" I ask, my fingers fumbling with my tie. I groan in frustration, and Seokjin takes over for me, tying it perfectly. "You're gonna be fine. We're all going to be there standing right next to you." He assures me. "Yeah, you've got nothing to worry about. Here, maybe this will calm you down." Yoongi says, handing me a flask. I gladly accept it, taking a swig and letting the liquid burn my throat. The door swings open, Namjoon smiling brightly as he raises his hands him the air. "Alright guys, it's time! Let's go get married!" He declares.

The venue is beautiful. I've seen it in pictures about a million times, but pictures can't even begin to compare to the real thing. A spring wedding in the forest. That's always been her dream. She's been planning this since she was a little girl. The trees towered over us, giving us nice shade from the sun's rays. Rows of cushioned seats decorated in lavender ribbon were lined up, facing the alter, which was also laced in ribbon, also pale pink roses poking out. It was absolutely perfect. I walk around, greeting people, ushering people to their seats, waiting anxiously for it to begin. I check my watch, and it's 20 minutes until it starts. I make sure everyone is seated and as soon as they are, I take my place up at the alter, all of my friends around me. I take a deep breath, trying my best to calm myself. It's time.

The music plays, and the doors of the building open. Taehyung rubs my arm that's hidden from view soothingly, trying to calm me down. Everyone turns as she appears, her father locking arms with her as he guides her. Her beautiful fingers wrap around the bouquet of pale pink roses, her veil draped over her face. Even with the veil hiding her, I can still tell she looks absolutely amazing. She always does, of course, but this is a day I've imagined repeatedly, and she looks even more stunning than I could've ever dreamed. The closer she gets, the more nervous I get. My foot taps unconsciously, my fingers fiddling in front of me. She looks at me, smiling before she kisses her father on the cheek, taking her place up on the alter. Her veil is lifted, and I can feel tears pricking my eyes. She's definitely more gorgeous than I could've ever dreamed of. She's perfect.

I remember the first time I saw her. We were just kids, and she sat in my table group, and I would always tug on her hair or tease her. Whenever I did something to her she'd do something right back, and that set they basis of our relationship. For years we teased each other back and forth, and the older we got, I realized my feelings for her. She would always tell me about what she wanted her wedding to be like, and I always promised her I'd make it happen. Even though I knew I loved her, I was always too nervous to tell her. It wasn't until we were 16 that I finally kissed her, and it was the best day of my life. After that happened, we talked about where we stood, our relationship, and how things would play out from then on. A few weeks later I introduced her to my other friends, and she got along with them really well. Maybe if I didn't introduce them, it would've been me standing on that alter with her.

The day after we kissed she came over to my house, sat down on my bed like any other day after school, but she seemed tense, a bit awkward. "Jimin..." She speaks softly, looking down at my floor, and I start to worry. "About last night, I-I don't think it should've happened." Her words are like a knife through my chest. "I'm sorry, but I really don't feel anything romantic towards you. You're my friend. My best friend. I still want to be your best friend." Another knife. I really don't feel anything romantic towards you. The words ring through my ears over and over. All I can do is smile and nod. "Alright then, best friend. No worries." I laugh, and she smiles. "This isn't gonna make things weird between us?" She asks nervously. "Nah, it's all good. I don't want things to be weird between us." I wave my hand, doing a damn good job at hiding my broken heart. "Oh that's great!" She jumps up, running over to hug me, as she's done many times.

Weeks later we were still hanging out after school, like nothing ever happened. I introduced her to some more of my friends, and we all went to hang out at a park, and from the moment she waved at everyone, Namjoon going the extra mile to get up and shake her hand, I knew I was screwed. The more we hung out the closer those two got, his love for literature and music, his morals and ideals and philosophies matching hers. The whole time, all I could do was stand by. Whenever I wanted to say something, do something to show she should be with me and not him, I couldn't. They're perfect for each other, and who am I to try and stop their happiness?

Somehow I managed to stay composed through the whole service, even smiling and patting Namjoon on the back after they kiss. I have to keep it together until I go home. Please, at least until I get home. Everyone goes straight from the service to the reception, the venue being nearby. The happy couple takes a car while the rest of the wedding party splits up between two vans, bridesmaids in one and groomsmen in the other. When we're finally in the confines of the van, a collective sigh spills from our mouths, and I lean forward, my head in my hands. "You did a great job, Jimin." Jin reaches up, patting my back. A round of agreeing hums sounds through the car, and I sniffle while nodding.

"I can't do this right now. I just need to suck it up." I nod, wiping away any tears that escaped. The van pulls up to the venue, and I hope my eyes aren't red. I don't want Y/N to see me sad. We all get out, Going inside and taking our seats at the large table. It takes about 20 minutes for everyone to gather, taking their assigned seats. I smiled as Namjoon sat down next to me, but on the inside, I was falling apart.

Speech time. One of the many moments I had been dreading since I became the best man. I stand, clearing my throat and tapping my glass, getting everyone's attention. As everyone quiets down, all eyes on me, I feel on the verge of breaking again. Its hard, but I keep my cool, smiling out at the crowd. Guess it's go time.

"Hello everyone. For those of you that don't know me, I'm Park Jimin. Now, I've been friends with Y/N and Namjoon for a really long time. I was actually the one that introduced Y/N to Namjoon. Um, I didn't actually write anything for this, I figured I'd just wing it. Let's hope it goes well." I smile, and everyone laughs. "I don't really have much to say, um, I could tell some funny stories about each of them, God knows I have so much dirt. But, I won't do that. As I look around the room, and saw the service, I can tell you personally that this is absolutely Y/N's dream wedding. Trust me, she told me for years every little detail of what she wanted. Everything looks perfect, and she truly deserves it. Namjoon and Y/N, I knew from the moment I introduced you that you guys were perfect for each other, and I'm really glad you guys are happy. You both are amazing people that deserve only the best. I know it's short, but like I said, probably should've prepared something. I don't think it really takes much to get my point across though. These two are amazing together, and I hope you guys have an amazing future together."

Everyone claps, Namjoon hugging me as Y/N smiles at me. I take my seat, and all the other speeches are done. Mine probably sucked the most, but at this point, I don't really care. I'm just glad it's over with. After the speeches everyone eats and mingles, the music starts to play, everyone hitting the dance floor. The main dances take place, then everyone starts to dance together. Even though dancing is my passion, I decide to stand to he side, watching Y/N as Namjoon spins her around, holding her close to him. She looks so happy, it puts a smile on my face. All I've ever wanted was for her to be happy, and she is.

After a bit, she notices me, waving me over. I put my hands up, shaking my head, but she comes closer, grabbing my hand and pulling me up. I groan in defeat as I start dancing, her sweet laugh ringing through my ears. She's having so much fun. A slower song comes on, and I get bold, holding my hand out to her. "Namjoon, you mind if I take this dance?" I ask my friend, and he smiles. "Nah man, go ahead. I'm gonna dance with my mom." He smiles, patting me on the back. Y/N takes my hand, and I pull her close, my hand resting on her back.

"So, are you having fun yet?" She asks. "Yeah, I am. It's a great wedding. You guys did an amazing job." I smile at her. She beams, and I'm so glad it's finally because of something I did. "You were there to help a lot. I'm so lucky to have a best friend like you." She chuckles. Best friend. That's right. Even now, as her hand is in mine, holding her close to me, I'm still the best friend. All I can do is nod and smile, focusing on keeping composed. Apparently, it doesn't work. "Jimin? You okay?" She asks softly, rubbing my bicep soothingly. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" I smile, hoping it helps. "Chim, I've known you since we were five, I think I can tell when something's bothering you." She scoffs. All I do is nod, not saying anything.

It's takes a few moments, until she speaks again. "Is it because of-" "Y/N." I cut her off before she can say more. "Are you happy? Really happy with Namjoon?" I ask. She nods, looking up at me. "Then that's all that matters. I'm happy you're happy." I smile, rubbing her back. She nods, understanding that I don't want to talk about it anymore. The song ends, and Namjoon comes over. "Jimin, mind if I steal my wife back?" He beams. "Of course. Go ahead. I think I might be heading out soon anyway." I say, patting him on the back. "Wait what?" Y/N asks. "Leaving already?" Namjoon says. I smile at both of them. "Yeah, I'm exhausted. I'll see you guys when you get back from the honeymoon?" I ask. "Yeah. Alright then. Rest up, bud." Namjoon nods, patting my arm. Y/N reaches over, giving me a hug. "Thank you Jimin. For everything." She whispers. I pull back and smile at them before waving. I say goodbye to the guys and then wait outside for my cab. I'll be home soon. Finally.

As soon as I'm safe in my home, I close the door with my back, sighing deeply. I slide down the door, and as my bottom hits the floor, I lose it. I hug my knees to my chest, sobbing loudly. I've kept it together for so long, and everything is gushing out now. I'm glad she's happy, but why couldn't it be with me? I'm a good guy. I could make her happy. I'd treat her like the queen that she is. I'd give here everything she's ever wanted and everything she deserves. My body shakes as I sob. I'll never have a chance. I just hope Namjoon treats her right. He's a good guy, so I hope he keeps her safe and happy. I'm glad she's happy.

[musicatheart12]

A Chat with a Bassist: Natalie Kim from Old Joy

Old Joy is an indie/alternative rock band that released their debut album on September 7th, 2018. They come from the underground New Brunswick scene and have played many basement shows around the area, with their most recent performance being for a student-run charity club at Rutgers University. This week, I got the chance to interview Old Joy's bassist, Natalie Kim, also a student at Rutgers University.

The interview:

What kind of music do you guys play?  How do you, as a band, characterize it?

It's kind of under the umbrella of Alt Rock and Indie just because we're in the local New Brunswick scene. So it's kind of like Indie, DIY kind of music.

How did the band get together?

So my two bandmates who started the band started it before I got to Rutgers. When I came here as a freshman, I met one of them, Phil, and he told me they were looking for a bassist so they kind of adopted me. And then we had no drummer, so we had to go out looking for a drummer. So yeah it started with those two people. The other two of us kind of made our way in.

How long has the band been together?

I joined at the very end of summer before freshman year, and back then we had a like a different drummer like every month.

That's interesting.

Yeah, it was kind of weird since I play bass. Bass and drum really have to work with each other so I would change what I played for like every person. It was kind of rocky to start with, but we found someone about 3 months in, who ended up staying for the rest of the next summer. So when we all decided we were in it for the long run, that's when we recorded our first album.

Wow, that's very cool. Yeah, but he decided to go back to school, so literally the day of our release party, we got a new drummer.

Oh wow! Fun fact, drummers are like the hardest people to find because if you're going to be a drummer, you have to be good because everyone can hear you. There was a really big shortage of drummers, and this is a problem that every band has.

I didn't know that.

So in this current state, we've been together about 2 months.

So even though the current band is fairly new, are you guys still playing songs from the first album?

Our new drummer, he didn't make his parts, he had to learn it. But obviously, from now on, it's going to be him.

Are you guys going to make any new music?

We've started making some new stuff, but we're probably going to record, I don't know, not for a while.

That makes sense.

Maybe sometime next year. But it's also a lot different, because the two members that started the band found me after everything was already written so like, in this case, it's everyone. It's more democratic in the way we're making music. It's like everyone is developing it together, rather than it being the work of two people.

So, I know you're a full-time student. It must be difficult to find time to practice.

It's f***ing hard. The good thing with my band is, they're really good at planning ahead. We'll set up a date for a rehearsal a week or two weeks in advance, I'm so grateful. The worst is definitely when we're recording an album. It was so hard last winter. I'd have to go down to the recording studio like twice a week, and it's like an hour away, so like what I ended up doing is bringing my homework and doing it in a dark lit basement. It was hard work, but it definitely paid off because now it's just basement shows and events, which are just a weekend sort of thing. Sticking it through recording was definitely a good idea.

Were you taught music/playing or writing? Are you self-taught?

Kind of, so like, I think I developed an ear for music growing up from piano lessons as a kid. Even though that only went up until like fifth grade, that's what taught me how to read music. And then through middle school, I played French horn, I played flute.  And when I got into high school, that’s when I picked up bass and I really should've taken lessons then. I regret not taking lessons when I had the time to when I was like 14. I kind of just learned bass by ear. And the internet's fantastic.

I have other questions, but I'm trying to think of a question based on what you just said.

I mean I can keep talking if you want.

Yeah, go for it if you want!

I mean, here's the thing about bass, so like I've had my friends ask me to teach them before. A lot of people have this conception that "oh I have to start the same way I learned piano" with all the scales and fundamentals, but I think for bass it's heavy on intuition. Of course, you'll be a better musician if you know all the techniques and fundamentals but like you cannot be a bassist if you do not have some kind of musical intuition. Like over the first year I picked it up, by the end of the year, I listened to music differently. I never noticed bass parts before I started playing. And then once it like really clicks you start to listen for it, and that eventually grows into the intuition. Especially playing in a band versus an orchestra. I play in an orchestra every year, and it's much more technical. Playing in the underground music scene, its more about what sounds good, what works versus what doesn’t work.

So it's more about understanding the vibe?

Yeah, kind of. It's like what people say about writing, how you can't be a good writer unless you read a lot, it's the same way. You have to listen to a lot of music to be able to play well.

Do you guys ever spend time experimenting with different kinds of music, or do you stick to the same kind of genre?

Right now, most of our rehearsals are geared toward preparing for shows. But in terms of being experimental, I'd say there are 2 parts to that. Number one, there's a lot of cover songs. We'll just like jam sometimes and go off of each other and play whatever. But also we're like trying to be different for our second album… now that we're trying to follow up to our first album, we're trying to be more advanced in terms of adding more atmospheric sounds and big picture stuff. We're going to add some synth, maybe some more keyboard stuff. I think like in terms of experimenting, I'd like to do it more, but we're not going in the wrong direction.

I know Old Joy plays a lot of basement shows. What other kinds of gigs do you guys play?

Just last Friday we performed at the student center for the Seeing Eye club, I forget exactly what the event was called. Yeah so we did that, it was a fundraiser. And in a month we're going to be doing Overnight Sensations which is like a program run by WRSU, which is a Rutgers radio station. So every week they have bands come late at night. We've also done a lot of other charity shows.

And as far as setlist goes, do you have a specific order you play in?

Our album is 7, 8 songs. There are some songs that we all love, and some that we all don't want to play. So we'll play 4 to 5 songs and we'll do like one cover.

So it's short.

Yeah, it's usually like a half hour set. Also a lot of these songs, we recorded them in the winter so almost a year ago. Now that we're more mature musicians it's kind of like, I wish we recorded this differently or played this differently.

Do you guys tease new music in your shows?

Yeah we played a new song at our last show, which was last Friday… but yeah definitely.

Do you need to think about the audience, or do you just do you (as a band)?

It depends. We don't have very many songs yet, so there's a skeleton that we have to follow. It's usually the cover that we'll very. And then the other thing we'll mix up is the order. Sometimes it’s the energetic songs first if everyone seems dead. The hardest part is definitely when everyone's like "one more song!" and we don't have any more song.

What's your response to that? Do you guys play a song from the album that you wouldn't normally play?

We'll play another cover song, we have stuff that we kind of keep in the back in case we need it. But I wish we had more stuff.

How does recording working?

So basically what happens is, first everyone plays, to get a scratch track for timing purposes. Then everyone will go in on their own and we'll put it into the computer and do it as many times as it takes to get it right. It can take forever sometimes. And so the way we did this album was each time we went down there, we'd record one song. It took a while, but it turned out ok. The recording was less than half. The rest of the time was just mixing and then sending it out to get it mastered. Honestly, I'm not a fan of recording because sometimes I can get really perfectionistic. That’s why I really like playing basement shows. I don’t think I've ever played the same song the same way twice. Like this kind of goes back to the experimental thing. Thank god we play live shows because that's where you get to be creative as a musician.

How did you guys come up with the order of the album?

It's weird, I don’t think we discussed the whys of it. We all kind of came to a consensus. It might be a little bit subconscious, and it kind of goes back to the intuition of it. There might be some legitimate reason to it, like songs being in the same key. From what I can observe, I think the biggest things are tempo and mood. As an Alt rock, indie almost emo band, there are energetic happy songs like typical Alt Rock songs, but there are also songs that are really emotional. Like we have this one song "Rover Shore". Watching Phil do the vocals for that was literally spiritual. Like I've never seen anyone put so much emotion into one song. So obviously you wouldn't put that first. We put that sort of in the middle near the end. We never discussed the explicit details, it just flows somehow.

Yeah, it just feels right.

Do you guys plan on making music videos?

We filmed a music video last year, but because we switched drummers, we had to scratch all of that. I really wanted to because one of the girls in the band is a film major. It's definitely possible, the only issue is we all have no time. 3 of us are students, and one graduated but he has a full-time job. Yeah, the biggest issue is definitely time. I understand why some bands buy a house and live together like it definitely makes sense.

Do you have any other interesting stories? Anything cool!

The most exciting moment of being in this band was this Friday. We were at a house for a show and me and my bandmate we were just walking from one side of the room to the other, and we heard a group of people talking and they said Old Joy. It was the coolest thing 'cause it was like people actually know us. That was so exciting even though it was such a small thing because people actually recognize us. Like last week someone was at work and they said some of our music was on the radio. It was really cool!

What's weird is that the style of music that we play is not my style.

So what is your style?

I've never really gotten into indie music, but I figured I'd try it out. When I play on my own, I play a lot of Jazz and Funk. So this is very very very different. And this type of music isn't what I listen to but it's so interesting because the number of things you can do on bass is infinite. I do appreciate it, it's definitely grown on me. Before, all indie music sounded the same. Like to the average person, all classical music sounded the same. It's cool that I've learned so much through this.

Does it make it hard, not having listened to indie music beforehand?

When I first started, I didn’t really know what I was doing. I was sticking to the root notes, keeping time. Super simple. By the time recording rolled around, I got the hang of it enough to create my own tracks, but looking back on it now, I would do things 100% differently.  

Natalie Kim is a talented young artist making her way through with her bandmates. With the first album already out, and another in the works, Old Joy is already paving their path into music. It's cool to see the beginning of a band that is transforming into something bigger, especially coming out of a local music scene.

Check out some of their songs: