#Not like he's fully forgiving and forgetting here either he's just owning some shared responsibility esp. on part of Claudia

[dxxtruction]

Louis does see Armand for all his flaws, and yet still chooses him, and loves him, but when he sees them for what they really were, and really entailed, he no longer can. Oh, gradations of evil. Louis had in ways bought into it.

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

yooooo!!! you’re my favorite ethan winters artist i just wanna say that first and foremost, thank you for the wholesome content of my comfort character and father figure 🥹🫶

i’m really curious bc i feel like i see a lot of people against mithan (not me personally, i’m p neutral on them!) but i’m curious to know all your thoughts on them! thoughts on their canon relationship, their fanon portrayal, the backlash against them/mia accusations, and your headcanons? i’m just really interested!!! hopefully that’s not weird :”)

have a good day!! sparkle on!!! ✨💖

i heart mithan... i think that they can be so cute...

i personally hc them t4t and i like to think that the dated in highschool before they both had fully transitioned

mia likes to bake and ethan likes to scrap book and he always likes to take pictures of mias cakes/ baked goods and has a album for them 😭

i am a multishipper so i draw a lot of ethan ships so my girl is left out sometimes and im sorry mia 😔

i actually really like their relationship, its a really complex dynamic that i like to talk about with my friends

i think the issue is that when talking about mithan or mia in general, theres just SO MUCH misinformation that its honestly a pain the butt to talk about

people still think that she was responsible for the creation of eveline, people still think that she experimented on eveline, people still use examples of her attacking ethan as if she did it on her own will instead of being mind controlled

in reality she was just someone who oversaw the transportation of evie. im not excusing her or anything because obviously she knew what she was doing, but people really try to accuse her of doing something she didnt and it bothers me alot lol

the problem with the fandom is that people either try to water her down to girlboss who did nothing wrong and fail to acknowledge the complexity/ moral grayness of her character and the other side is misogynists 😭😭😭😭

its hard to talk about her without people either going "stop trying to villainize her and make her look bad!" or people ACTUALLY villainizing her and acting like heisenberg would have treated him better 😭😭

mithan is such a sad relationship because they loved each other so much and that ended up being the reason their relationship fell apart (sort of... its not like the broke up... ethan kinda just straight up died)

i get a lot a trouble for saying this, but mia is a selfish person.

its not a bad thing! well i mean it is but it doesnt make her some evil witch who is somehow worse than the guy how made a werewolf american ninja warrior. its just a major character flaw she has! which is good! mia being a flawed person who makes mistakes and morally gray decisions make her a more interesting person!

she is selfish in the way that she wants to keep her family with her no matter the cost. even if it means lying to ethan about her job so that he wont think different of her. here is a interrogation from the re7 DLC, which is easy to miss!

she isnt necessarily trying to apologize for the things she has done, she is more of a, "u wont need to forgive me in the first place if we just forget it all and move on"

she doesn't try to redeem herself for what she has done, she tries to move on and return to the normal life that she wants so bad. which is fine! everyone copes a different way and she has to right to move on from her trauma. the problem that lies in this is that she has a shared trauma with ethan who still has no idea what went on in dulvey and still effects him till the present (he is mold! this is a important thing to know! most people would want to know if they were a walking corpse)

she played a direct part in what happened in dulvey, and im not referring to the email, she did not send that. she never wanted ethan to come in the first place. she tried her best to send a video to him, begging him to forget about her because she wanted to protect him, BUT it didnt send.

he got involved because she was involved. its honestly a series of really really unfortunate events.

THOUGH! she did know what she was getting into. im tired of seeing the narrative that mia was innocent and didnt know what was going on or was simply a bystander. she knew what she was doing, she knew eveline was a bioweapon, she knew eveline was a child. she used a MACHINE GUN! she knows how to use weapons and was obviously trained for it.

she tried her best to keep everybody out of the mess, ex: warning the bakers not to take them in, warning ethan not to find her, sacrificing herself for ethan in the later half of re7

but again, those are the consequences of HER actions

her consequences just happen to get really big and end up hitting ethan on the head like a metal sheet 😭

their relationship is really so interesting, it makes me really sad to think about sometimes 😭they both went through something that nobody else would ever understand, in the end they really only have each other. they get moved to an entire different country and the dulvey incident gets covered up with a "gas leak"

its really tragic because their marriage definitely had some flaws and bumps. and i know im repeating myself but its because people always take this in the worst way possible but just because i say their relationship was rocky doesnt mean im saying they dont love each other!!! thats the entire basis of mias character!! saying she doesnt love ethan would destroy her entire character!

you can see in the re8 DLC how fondly ethan talks about mia! he loves her so much, though im not sure if his comments in the DLC are him narrating current (post re8) or his thoughts before everything went down and he died (pre re8)

everything mia did was because she LOVED ethan. she would never do anything to intentionally hurt him, she is not a cruel person. she hides the truth of her job from ethan pre re7 because she loves him and doesnt want her job to drive them apart. she CONTINUES to refuse to tell ethan the truth post re7 because she wants to move on a live a happy normal life with him and knows something like her being directly associated with the connections would probably cause (more) problems. she refuses to tell ethan that he is mold because again, hard to live a happy marriage with your husband after you tell him hes a bioweapon.

obviously i dont think it was right that she did this, thats what makes her selfish! she did it for herself! she did it for her family! she thought it would work out, she thought that they could move on and be happy together.

the issue is that ethan didnt want to forget. he wanted to know what happened, he wanted to know the part mia played, he wanted answers! which is reasonable! he knows to some extent that mia was partially responsible for his involvement and he was always suspcious that mia was lying to him about her job which is implied when mia says "you were right, i did lie to you"

she doesnt learn, she doesnt stop lying, her lies get bigger and worse and it sucks yeah but it makes her so interesting!!! she keeps doing stupid things under the idea that this is whats best for her and her family, that if she hides this everything will work out and it will be for the better but its not!

just because telling your husband hes dead and a bioweapon is a hard subject to bring up doesnt mean you DONT bring it up. people shouldnt use that as a reason to excuse mia 😭, its a very bad excuse and honestly highlights how horrible their communication skills were. you cant just not tell your husband that he is actually infected with the mold and not tell him for the tree years between post re7 and pre re8.

im not saying these things to put mia down, or try and villanize her. these are all just actual things her character does! she isnt evil, but she isnt a knight in shining armor either. we need to be able to have talks about complex characters without crying everytime someone points out a flaw. characters have flaws! and mia just happens to have a lot of them!

im not mad at her, i dont dislike her because i think this way of her. shes a fictional character! you can like characters that are morally gray, or villains that drink blood and make corpse soldiers. they are fictional! pointing out the flaws of a character does not mean i dont like them.

i wouldnt call her "the real villain of re8" but i wouldnt treat her like a damsel in distress either. she is a competent person, she knows what shes doing, she has her reasons for doing them. she made bad descions with good intentions behind them! they can coexist and we should let them!

i like mithan! its a complex relationship because they both love each other so much but hurt each other in the process

talking about them is just a pain in the butt because talking about mia is a pain in the butt lol

i really hate how she keeps getting sidelined, its super frustrating to see mia get put in a cage in every game 😭

its even more frustrating that mia straight up just disappears???? in the shadows of rose DLC... like she just stops taking care of rose and theres nothing said about it. no reason or explanation. i dont think mia would ever ditch rosemary because she didnt care about her, but we probably will never know because capcom sucks at writing and they probably forgot the mia ever even existed.

all in all, i think the fandom is really just full of misinformation which make people either think mia is some horrible evil person, or its full of people who think that saying mia messed up is the equivalent of comparing her to wesker lol.

i really love mia, shes a incredibly fun and complex character, its just hard to enjoy her sometimes with the people in the fandom haha.

also ive got no idea what u meant by "the backlash against them/mia accusations" so sorry if i didnt answer that!

thank u for the ask! sorry for the long response!

[lululawrence]

Can u please be nicer on ao3? Maybe you should try answering people's comments

when i read the first line i was honestly flabbergasted and wracking my brain trying to figure out when in the world i wasn't nice on ao3 ever. because i honestly truly try to be nice to everyone always, even when i'm angry or frustrated or people are going after those i love and want to protect. if there was a time i WASN'T nice on ao3, i wondered if it was maybe because my comment had been misunderstood or someone saw me razzing an author i'm good friends with and they didn't get that we are close and i said what i did with so much love and appreciation, you know? like what??? did i do???

but then i read your second line. and please forgive me if i come off as rude in my response to this, because honestly i'm in a pretty bad spot mentally and emotionally in general right now, but PARTICULARLY today, and this ask triggered an anxiety response in me. so. i'm trying really hard to word this in a way to educate without being condescending or mean, but i might not succeed.

firstly, thank you for your comments i'm assuming you've left. i'm also assuming they were nice comments, in which case extra thanks. i'm sure i'll send you effusive responses on ao3 when the time comes.

secondly, please understand that sending an ask like this, on anonymous no less, is incredibly entitled. writing is not my profession, i receive no compensation for my works that i post for free online, and as a part of that it is not required of me to respond. i do my very best to reply to every comment i receive, but it is not always in a timely manner, because i have other priorities in my life. all of which leads us to my third point, which is:

writers do not owe you a reply to your comments. end of. there are no other qualifications or quantifying modifiers to be added to the statement. is it nice to be acknowledged and know your comment was seen? sure. but do they OWE you one? hell no.

in fact, i'd like to offer you a suggestion. a way of tweaking your thinking about the comments you leave on fics. instead of looking at comments you leave as being something that deserves a reply from the author, think of your comments as your way of paying the author for the gift of their time and talents that they have shared with you by posting their fic. that's how i think of the comments i leave for authors. i'm giving them my thanks for the words they've shared! i want to help THEM feel as amazing as they have made ME feel when i read their fic. in fact, my hope isn't necessarily a response from them, but instead my hope is THE GIFT OF THEM SHARING MORE FIC WITH ME. i'm a selfish bitch in that way and i always want all the fic to read. i never want that well to go dry. one way i can ensure that doesn't happen is by supporting authors and being kind to them and spreading all the love and excitement i can about their writing in the hopes that my words will inspire them to share more.

because whether they reply or not, i GUARANTEE they are seeing your comments. i PROMISE they are. and for all you know, your comment might be the one that keeps them writing even when their words aren't coming easily or when they are tempted to give up.

but, again, please remember that no matter what, these authors (including me) don't actually owe you anything.

the rest of this is going under a cut, because honestly my reply is already far too long and i have a LOT more to say now that you've gotten me started.

now, all of this in mind, i'll explain to you why i'm not great with keeping up with comments made on my fics the last couple of years. i don't owe you this explanation any more than i owe you a response to your comments, and i'm honestly not sure you deserve this explanation either, but i'll still offer it anyway. it'll help me feel better knowing i at least put this out there, whether you care or not, mainly because if i don't do that it will cause me greater anxiety having you possibly think i am not responding to people because i feel all high and mighty or that i think i'm better than the comments or whatever the fuck kind of motivation you're attributing to me to see my lack of a response as something "not nice" towards the commenters.

i'm not sure if you've noticed, but i put out a lot of fic. like a lot. a lot of words and shit. i love writing, it's often my therapy and a way for me to help keep my anxiety and depression and ptsd at bay.

now, more personal shit for you, i've got three kids ages 9 and under. the oldest has adhd which we have yet to find a med for that helps to the extent she needs without side effects that aren't healthy for her to continue with, she also has anxiety, AND she's extremely gifted and starting a new program at a new school, all in the midst of a pandemic. and all of those situations exacerbate her anxiety! huzzah! she's also dealing with the beginning of her tween growing up shit, which is great fun because it means where she used to be pretty damn understanding of her younger brother, she is finding it much more difficult to. because the second oldest? he's autistic with some pretty significant gross motor, speech, and socialization delays that have only been exacerbated because of the previously mentioned pandemic. PLUS he transitioned from his special needs preschool to a fully integrated elementary school for kindergarten last year and then had to deal with all the ups and downs of the switch from e-learning to hybrid to all in schooling when everything in him screams for a normal schedule he can rely on to keep his own anxieties and fears and struggles at their minimum. and that youngest child? he was born in january of last year. he STILL barely leaves the house and has only met other children in close range a couple of times because, once again, pandemic!

add onto all of this my own mental health issues, the fact that my husband ALSO battles major clinical depression, adhd, and anxiety, AND we live with my parents who have their own health issues, both mental and physical. i run the home for our house of seven. i keep this place functioning, fed, clothed, clean, and everywhere we need to be for all of our five million appointments every. fucking. day. there is a REASON i've been borderline burnt out for the last fucking year and a half.

now, for fun, i have fandom shit. i love it here, even if it is a dumpster fire on the best of days, and getting to be a part of the writing community is so very lovely. i adore it. honestly, it's because of those friendships i've built with other writers that i have been able to keep writing and have found just how helpful it can be for my mental health. but i'm REALLY. INCREDIBLY. BUSY. i hardly have time to get on tumblr for just a quick swipe through my dash most days. i put off asks so long i forget i have them. i don't have the mental and emotional capacity to talk to people on here or interact fully a lot of the time. but i do my best to do so and be kind while i'm at it even when i don't want to be.

then, on top of that? i also run fic fests like @wordplayfics and help friends run their own. because not only am i a writer, i'm a reader. i LOVE fic. fic has saved me soooooo many times over the past seven years that i've been here. i want to do what i can to support other writers the best way i can, which is to provide a space for them to create their works that welcomes and helps promote them, but also by doing my monthly fic lists and pocast highlighting what i've been able to read, reblogging their fic posts, and then commenting and kudosing their fics too.

sometimes i get really fucking down on myself because i'm so behind on replying to comments, but my brain is very much a "if you start this, you have to finish it" kind of a brain, and i feel even WORSE sometimes if i reply to comments on some fics and not all of them. but i do my best and reply when i can. i was actually really fucking proud of myself because i had a couple days to myself in june, and i spent hours replying to comments on 20 of my fics. when you have almost 150 fics (i think? i don't even know how many fics i've posted by now), that is only scratching the surface. but i tried and i was so so happy i did that many fics at once. it's exhausting, though, and takes a lot of spoons for me to reply to them in mass like that plus time consuming. so i tried to be happy with those 20 fics and the comments i responded to there and told myself that when i ha a moment to breathe, i'd go and work on replying to some more.

but see, that again causes anxiety and guilt. because i haven't replied to all of them. and that anxiety and guilt can cause me to put it off further OR to put off important things like feeding my children or getting sleep in order to finish it, so i have to make myself put things into perspective and ensure i'm doing the important things, like taking care of myself and my family, first.

and then, i have a moment where i CAN go ahead and reply to comments... but i also have MANY fics that are on deadline and i actually have a schedule. a SCHEDULE. for when i'm going to focus on which fics. i can spell it out for you if you really want. i made it back in APRIL to make sure i didn't sign up for too many fic fests because there are so many going on right now that i want to participate in, but i know i can't do all of them so i had to pick and choose. and when you are SO overscheduled and busy that back in APRIL you had to figure out what fics you would focus on at what time to ensure you got everything written when you wanted to through THE END OF THE YEAR, more choices have to be made.

for example. my writing time and time for myself came down to only one evening a week for ALL fandom things i'm doing and a part of right now once the kids were out of school for the summer. it quickly became apparent that for my own self care i needed more time, so i worked with my husband to find two other days i could carve out at least 30-60 minutes to myself to write every week. and i did. but if i'm already only getting that much time and have committed to those fics and fests and things that you're running etc, you have to choose am i going to use this time to try to squeeze in some comment replies? or am i going to write? and i choose to write. simple as that.

so yeah. see it as selfish if you want. see it as mean. you can honestly see it as whatever the fuck you want, but for me? i know that as soon as i possibly can and i can breathe freely for once and not feel like i am constantly drowning in my day to day life and am doing pretty well when it comes to my fic deadlines and getting started on those christmas cards i'm once again going to be making by hand for everyone on tumblr who chooses to sign up for one this year out of the KINDNESS of my heart and the love i really do feel for so many of you, then i promise i'll be on ao3 catching up and commenting. my friends laugh and make fun of me for it sometimes, because they will sometimes get 10-12 replies to their comments in a single day. they know that's how i work. i WILL reply to every single comment i get, no matter how old it is. but for the love of all that is holy, do NOT add to the anxiety and guilt i already feel over it. the only place that will get you is the ask/comment getting deleted if it's a good day, a fucking long rant like this one if it's not, and a block if it's a REALLY bad day.

if you're asking me to be nice on ao3, then i ask in return that you also be nice by not demanding things of people that they are not in any way obligated to give.

[yandere-sins]

The Fox Wedding - Embrace the marriage (Kita)

Summary: You are to marry the fox spirit Kita Shinsuke after you accidentally agreed to become his wife by signing the deed to your new home. A contract is a contract, he says, but is there more to this marriage than you know? Will you be whisked away by one of the foxy twins instead, or have to marry Kita after all? Can you be with a creature that only seems tender on the surface, or will you try to run even if it might cost you your life? Choose your route carefully, you never know what these foxes are up to!

Characters: Kitsune!Kita Shinsuke x afab!Reader

Rating: Explicit   Warnings for this chapter: Yandere, Kidnapping, Forced/Unhealthy Relationship, Rough Handling, Mention of bite marks, Mention of Non-Con, Pregnancy, Mention of (not human) blood, Monsters, Mention of burns, Verbal threats

“Don’t you remember?” 

He asked you this again on that one gloomy night as you rearranged your kimono. You had gotten good at putting it on, not because you wanted to learn how to do it, but because it was the only thing that made you feel better about yourself. The way Shinsuke owned you was painful, stinging, and tear-inducing, and you felt better not having to see the countless bite marks of possession he put on you. Thus, you learned how to do it. Better you than a maid, or worse, Shinsuke himself. 

“I don’t.” 

Your answer was always the same. How long had it been that you two were wed on that sun-filled, rainy day? A month? Three? Half a year? Yet, he never stopped with his riddles, and this question was the only one that arose every once in a while. Your heart ached with the desire to go home, leave this godforsaken country to be where you belonged - where you never should have left. But of course, it wasn’t that easy. 

“I see,” he whispered, and from the moon shining in through the open windows in your shared bedroom, you could see him nod his head thoughtfully while his eyes focused on your stomach. “You were still so small back then. The smallest human I had ever met.” 

His soft smile was lost on you as you shook your head, unbelieving of his words. Shinsuke didn’t like unnecessary talks. He’d rather have a quiet morning than one filled with small talk you learned. And when he spoke, it was hard to accept what he said. Nothing good ever came from him saying your name. No affectionate string of words sounded like he meant it when he said it in the usual indifferent tone. An ‘I love you’ was quick to change into ‘Mind your manners’, and often he ignored your wishes in favor of fulfilling some kind of clan duties. 

Perhaps, the only moment you managed to catch him off-guard was when a doctor - or something close to that just less human than you liked - announced your pregnancy, but you had been too shocked to be able to react to the sincere smile on his face and the tight hug he gave you despite the news being more of a tragedy to you. It wasn’t the child’s fault, even you knew that, but from day one, you felt responsible for it yet devoid of the feeling that you could love the kid like a normal mother would. 

With your hand falling to the little bump on your stomach, you were glad it was still decent enough to not be immediately visible. Yet, as long as you were aware of the growing life inside you, the more you felt the dread of having to take care of yourself for its sake. There were worse wounds that Shinsuke could inflict on you, and unfortunately, you wouldn’t even put it past the clan to follow his lead rather than step in and stop him. It still made your blood freeze to think back to when you saw the real him for the first time. No, not him. The monster he was. 

It was hard to forget the ashen creature that brought fresh meat for the village. You always thought foxes were small, playful yet wild animals, but that didn’t seem to apply to fox spirits. These images kept flashing before your eyes as you stroked your belly reassuringly, the baby inside of you not yet in need of comfort, but you sure were. 

Fox spirits were tall as bears, and every one of them deadlier than a pack of wolves. It was bewildering to learn that Shinsuke wasn’t even fully grown yet, only six of nine possible tails emerging from his back once he turned into that beast. You could have sworn with his fox form being as tall as you were, he’d be at least grown out, and it unnerved you to imagine what he’d look like once he was. 

Even if he allowed you to pat his fur, nudged you into the affection despite smearing deer blood all over you, it was no less reassuring to know what he really looked like even if he acted like that. You had seen him snap a deer’s neck in two cleanly with his maw. You had heard him growl. And none of this made you any less afraid of your own husband, the father of your child. 

Involuntarily, Shinsuke had made you become what previously had been your worst nightmare. You were a healthy woman, so it was only a question of time until his forced intimacy would produce the child everyone around you was looking forward to. Except you, but how could you possibly be when this wasn’t what you wanted at all?

Even so, you realized the child was just another innocent soul in a much more complicated scheme of his ‘love’. One you still not understood even though he was so insistent that it existed. Nevertheless, you couldn’t let yourself be punished and endanger the little one, always seeing these huge, beastly creatures in your inner eye whenever you thought about running or misbehaving. However, you also couldn’t stop yourself from flinching when he reached over to caress your stomach, unable to forgive and, even more so, forget what all he had done to you.

Tearing you out of your life, your world even, force you into this relationship and himself on you, was small compared to the ‘lessons’ and ‘training’ he made you go through to become more fitting for your role as his wife. Your maltreated body was only one evidence of his ‘care’ and ‘love’ that he so generously had sworn to you before your wedding. There was no ‘happiness’ in sight even after being married for so long. If he thought that child made you happy, he had been wrong.

Answers. Answers would have made you happy - or at least, made this more endurable. 

“Back then, you were scared too.”

His palm clasped around your hand tightly as he began to circle it over the baby bump. He acknowledged your flinching, your fear. Though even if he noticed, he only ever did so in his favor, dismissing it to do whatever he pleased or continuing to force you into obeying his will. Shinsuke always looked serious and talked with logic, you wouldn’t have believed the slyness in all of his doings even though it dawned on you that it was one of the foxes’ main traits. 

“Back when?” you mumbled, wanting to pull out your hand but getting stuck in his grasp, sighing inwardly as you gave up on fighting him. Not when he was so close to the child. You didn’t want to risk upsetting him. 

“Twenty years? Thirty? Time--” Interrupting himself, Shinsuke let out a thoughtful hum, clearing his throat before he resumed speaking.” Time is tough to calculate when you live for so long. Day is day, night is night. Sometimes it snows, and sometimes it rains, and all the other days are mostly the same. Only now, you are here with me, and that makes me happier than anything else.”

This time, it was on you to ponder, wondering about the time frame. There was no reason to get upset about the fact Shinsuke didn’t seem to know your current age, nor how long it really had been. The message ’a long time ago’ was received by you either way. What you couldn’t rack your brain around was that there wasn’t an instance you could remember meeting Shinsuke before, especially since you hadn’t been to Japan when you were as young as he made it seem-

“Oh,” you whispered. Oh, you had been to Japan before as a child, with your family to visit friends that resided in this beautiful country. But you had forgotten all about it, how old had you been? Four? Maybe five? Now you remembered that the reason for your first trip as a teenager had been to see the country you had been to before but could barely remember since you were just a toddler back then. 

Finally sitting up from his futon, Shinsuke moved over to sit next to you, his right arm snaking around your waist while his left hand remained on your belly. “Do you remember it now?” he cooed softly, leaving a kiss on your cheek as he waited for an answer patiently. 

“There was a fox…” you mumbled, straining yourself to remember what happened so long in the past. “I think it was wounded.”

“Continue,” Shinsuke instructed gently, bringing his lips to your temple before brushing back your hair to continue down your neck, leaving pecks of affection behind wherever they wandered. 

“It was wounded, and I… I--”

“You gave me your rice ball,” he finished for you as you struggled with your words. 

“That was… you?” you slowly but surely pieced it together, and he nodded, pulling you closer to him and burying his face in the crook of your neck. His embrace was tight but less formal than any other touch he laid on you so far. A wave of honest emotions seemed to overcome him as you remembered, a voice of relief leaving him as your shared past revealed itself to you.

“But… But--” 

So many questions rushed into your head before you could even utter one of them. How much of what happened was coincidental? Was everything planned? Staged? Arranged? Your thoughts must have shown in your gaze, and though he only looked up for a split second, you were sure he noticed it as he chuckled a few times. 

“The truth is, back then, I wanted to kill you. I came back for you every day, and you were always playing in the garden, but your parents were always around watching you.”

Shinsuke sat up straight, instead now pulling you to lean on him and petting your hair. Your instinct detected hostility in his words, yet, your body told you to stay put and not allure him of the fear that crept up in you. You now remembered the silver fox you had met as a little kid, and though the memories were spare and rare, to think you could have died by his maw back then made a cold shudder run down your spine. 

“I didn’t want the humans to find out my clan was in that forest - now, this forest - I knew it would mean that I caused them to have to leave or hunters would come. However, when you did tell--”

“No one believed me…” This time you finished his sentence instead, and Shinsuke nodded. 

“I couldn’t rest, so I came back day after day, until suddenly… you were gone.” 

“Yeah, we flew back home after two weeks,” you mumbled, explaining it to him despite realizing you wished you had kept it a secret. He simply didn’t deserve knowing even a little bit more than necessary.

“Exactly.”

Gently rubbing your back, Shinsuke kissed your hair, his grip on you unbudging, but there was no notion and no feeling of yours that stayed hidden long from him. “Later I found out that the owner of that house - your family’s friends, I reckon? - were aware of us, and their ancestors were granted land from us to build their house in exchange for keeping this village and residents hidden. It’s passed down as a family secret.”

“And then…” For the first time, you sat up, and Shinsuke let you go without a moment of hesitation. Slowly, but surely everything made sense, even if those answers were less relieving than you had hoped. “I bought their house when they became too old to live there. Was that- Was that all planned?”

With your brows furrowing, you looked at his face, and Shinsuke closed his eyes for a moment thoughtfully, humming in contemplation. “Was it? Who knows. Once I learned the truth, I decided you shall be my bride.”

What a dissatisfying answer, you thought, and your expression faltered, body turning away in displeasure. For the first time since you were married, you heard him make a deep sigh, the shuffling of fabric behind you as Shinsuke inched closer, having recognized your defensive stance as telling him you weren’t all too happy with his story. 

“If we say fate brought us together, then destiny arranged everything. But I rather think that it was meant to be. You coming back to me is because we are meant for each other, [Name].”

“I don’t agree,” you muttered, feeling defeated. All this time, you had wondered how and why this all happened to you, but in the end, it really had just been Shinsuke’s doing. Part of you felt more betrayed, but the other half wasn’t actually feeling impressed by the knowledge. Disappointed, but not surprised, as a friend of yours always liked to say. “Then why the contract? Why set me up like this?”

“What do you think? Do you think you would have married me otherwise? Do you not despise me? Think that I am a monster? I think that’s what you called me before.”

The level of self-awareness was nothing you would have expected from him. Instinctively you would have liked to argue against him, but at the same time, his words depicted your feelings quite well. “Maybe I wouldn’t have thought that if you had--”

“[Name], please.” There it was again, the patronizing tone in his voice that had been the end to many of your conversations before. His arms wrapped around you from behind, lips landing at the back of your head as he mumbled into your hair. “I waited for you all this time, and know my feelings. There was simply no need for a year-long courtship and proving what I felt.”

“I could have needed it. Are my feelings that unimportant to you?”

Gripping his arms tightly, you dug your fingers in as best as you could. You had enough. Enough of his will being absolute and everything centering around him. All this misery just because he decided on marrying you long, long ago on his own. For the first time, you managed to pull out of his hold by your own strength, twirling around quicker than him being able to capture you again and complain. 

“You are a monster! I don’t care about your feelings either since you can’t seem to respect mine! I never wanted any of this!”

Gesturing loosely to him and your stomach, you made room for your anger, even getting up to stand your ground properly. You half expected him to follow, but Shinsuke kept sitting comfortable, merely lowering his eyes and shaking his head. “Calm down, [Name]. You’ll wake the whole village with your voice.”

“What if?! As if they didn’t know how I truly feel! As if they didn’t just turn a blind eye on this situation for your sake!”

“Arranged marriages are very common here--”

“But not arranged by the groom himself! And even so, you still forced me into this, I couldn’t even refuse! You… You beast! You monster! You’re the absolute worst being I ever met, and I hate you! I hate you so much!”

Finally, Shinsuke looked up again, his gaze calm and collected as always. It was the last straw that even now, he did not budge from his views, and you decided to do something you had tried to avoid ever since becoming pregnant. Turning on your heel, you marched towards the door, gripping into the depression of the sliding door to open it. As luck would have it, these kinds of doors didn’t have locks. Thus someone usually watched over you, never leaving you alone, but weirdly enough, it didn’t budge no matter how hard you pulled and tore on it, demanding quietly that it would move out of your way.

“[Name] stop. It’s not good for the baby to get so upset,” Shinsuke called after you, and you just knew he was standing up as he spoke, causing more pressure to fall onto your shoulders. You’d run away. No matter the cost, you wouldn’t stay here. Feeling the door heat up, you jumped away from it, shocked, looking at your fingers while eerie, small flames sparked up at the spot you just touched. By now, you were a little too familiar with foxfire and what it felt like, and yet, angry as you were, it only made you spin around to face him, not expecting to have his face right up in yours the moment you turned.

“I said, stop.”

“Then I won’t listen,” you hissed back at him, rubbing your fingers carefully as they trembled in fear. Never before had resisting him done you anything good, but you reached a point of no return. 

“Let’s go back to bed,” Shinsuke instructed again, his patience wearing noticeably thin as you were unbudging. “You go to bed. I am going home.”

Taking a deep breath, he stared you down with those sharp, shining eyes of his, a glare that usually made your knees buckle in fear. You never had given him such a hard time before, normally yielding before it got this far. In some way, it was thrilling, in another, nerve-wracking. 

“I’ll say it only once more,” Shinsuke warned, reaching for your wrist that you pulled away before he could reach it, slapping his hand away in the process. 

“Or what?” you spat at him, as disgusted as you could. This would end here, you decided. All of it: The fake marriage, your submissiveness, the way you played along and embraced your role as his wife until now. The child too, if you got out of this house, this village, and his clutches. 

“You saw the beast before.” Shinsuke spoke his words calm and slow, but his voice lowered dangerously as he kept up his glare unbudgingly. It was just his way of not losing his temper despite you being aware that he wasn’t going to be gentle from this point onwards. There was a never before heard tremble in his voice as he spoke again, the sentence making every inch of you freeze in fear.

Perhaps, you had needed that. One last attempt of being deviant. How else would you have learned that this place might not make you happy, but at least it was the only place that would keep you safe. Safe of Kita Shinsuke’s true nature, the one completely insane from his love for you. How else would you have known that calm waters were the deepest of them all? Deep enough to let you drown in them if you did anything to disturb them?

Maybe, being his wife wasn’t the worst there was. 

“But you haven’t seen the monster yet.”

The worst was Shinsuke himself.

a/n: Thank you for reading Kita’s route of this story, I hope you enjoyed it! I noticed last chapter that it didn’t seem as enjoyable than the Prologues, I still hope that you will move forward to explore the other routes and enjoy this experience ^-^ Let me know what you thought, that would make me very happy ♥

Satisfied?

➤ Go back to the prologue to change your fate

➤ ?

Read other routes first to unlock more fates

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Ricky Vaughn

(Not my gif)(Requested by @ageofthegeekbby )

(A little heads up: I’ve only watched the first movie so that’s what this is based off of)

- You and Ricky met when he first arrived at the field. You were hired as an assistant to the coach, you’d keep notes and files on the players and take calls while the coach was busy so you obviously came into contact with the players during the day.

- Ricky is an ...intimidating figure. He’s this brooding, mysterious guy with a hair pin temper; and a criminal record behind him. That being said, you couldn’t deny that he was attractive. Alternative, punky and a damn good player; he always caught your eye when you were out on the field.

- As a sort of protocol, you were introduced to everyone just before tryouts began. With that in mind, you had your first conversation with Ricky after one of the teams practices.

“Hey! Hey, you!” He’d called after you and you’d paused a bit nervously in your place.

“What uh-what do you have written for me in that book of yours?” He asked.

“I’m not really allowed to share that Mr. Vaughn.” You’d replied quietly.

“Well, can you ...can you just tell me if I’m getting the slip or not?” You looked at him and immediately saw the anxiety hidden behind his cool facade.

Taking pity on him you gave him his answer before walking off the field. “Not this week Mr. Vaughn.”

- After that, the two of you were still practically strangers to each other but you did share a few conversations and polite hellos every now and again. He felt like you were someone he could trust, someone that was one his side, regardless of the fact that you weren’t exactly friends. He liked you ...he liked you a lot.

- It was after another practice that his friends invited you out for a drink with them. When you showed up, you found that only Ricky was there and he seemed just as surprised at the fact that you were left alone together as you were.

- Regardless of the somewhat strange circumstances, the two of you shared a few drinks with each other. It was a bit awkward at first but you quickly found a subject you could both talk about.

- And talk you did! Hour after hour flew by before you checked your watch and realized how late it was. The two of you finished your drinks and began your trek outside.

- While you were walking back to your cars, he’d abruptly turned around and asked if you wanted to go out sometime, blurting it out before he backed out of asking. You smiled and agreed, writing down your number before saying goodnight and driving off, leaving him with a small grin spreading across his face.

- You have your first real date about a week or so later. The two of you go to a more quiet bar and grill as compared to the previous rowdy one you’d met at. He’s charming in his own rebellious type of way, interesting with a lot of crazy stories that you get to pull out of him. You both have chemistry and it’s obvious that you’re gonna see a lot more of each other after that.

- The two of you share your first kiss before one of his big games. Right before he was going to go out on the field, he’d pulled you in for a quick, rough, passionate kiss; as though kissing you would clear his head. And maybe it did, since he ended up winning that game for his team.

- From then on, you’re his little good luck charm.

- He likes Pda but that “macho man” sort of Pda. He wants to show people that you’re together; and just touch you in public, but he doesn’t want to look like a total wimp while doing it. 

- He’ll usually just keep his arm around your shoulders. 

- Kisses on the top of your head. 

- Quick kisses before he goes off to do something, usually playing on the field or going off with friends. 

- Passionate, rough kisses. 

- Intense and heated makeouts. 

- He enjoys cuddling when you do it but it’s not this necessary thing for him, if that makes sense. Whenever you do cuddle, he’ll usually be the big spoon or you’ll be in the “shingles” position. 

- He sort of loves it when you call him wild thing. There’s just something so much better about it when it’s coming from you; even if you’re sort of mocking him with it. 

- Half the time he absentmindedly calls you pet names but other times he uses them to tease you. He’ll usually call you things like Chickie, Princess, babe, and sweetheart. 

- He probably gets a tattoo of you or your name; or something specific about your relationship, after the two of you have been together for a while. 

- Sharing and swapping earrings with each other. 

- As much as he loves everything about you, he can’t deny that he finds it hot when you wear leather and dark clothing. You’ve never seen such a “I’m in love” look spread across a mans face in your life.

- He gets you this little skull necklace that has his name engraved in the back and it quickly becomes your favorite piece of jewelry.

- Whenever he doesn’t have to wear it, he’ll affectionately shove his hat onto your head. He thinks you look cute in it and it’s one of those moments that bystanders see and think to themselves “oh, so thats why they’re a couple”.

- Wearing his jackets. He’ll put them over your shoulders whenever he knows its cold; even if you insist that you’re fine.

- Helping him cut his hair. It doesn’t even matter if you somewhat mess up since being messy and haphazard is what he’s all about.

- Running your fingers through his hair. He likes it and it helps give him that “I just got out of bed and don’t give a shit what I look like” look.

- Carrying an extra pair of glasses for him. He appreciates when you say that you think he looks good in them considering he thinks he looks like a jackass half the time.

- Buying him books to read while he’s traveling with his team.

- Late night visits when he’s in town. 

- Attending as many of his games as you can. 

- He has your picture taped up in his locker at all times. Like I said: you’re his good luck charm.

- Hearing a lot of interesting stories, both about his criminal past and his baseball career. 

- Sometimes you’ll just be reminded that he was a felon. Like you’ll forget your keys somewhere and he’ll pick your lock, or hotwire you’re car, etc. 

- Being stopped on the street or just approached in public when you’re with him since he’s The Wild Thing.

- Getting close with Jake and Willie; they are responsible for the two of you going out with each other after all.

- Teasing each other. He can be a smartass when he wants to be but other times its adorably sweet.

- He has fun with you; pretty much, no matter what you do. He’s a man and you’re his girl, he’ll humor you and your interests and he’s fully willing to chew someone out if they try to give him shit for it.

- He’s not  really used to fancy restaurants; or fancy anything, so you tend to not go to them. He’s completely out of his element there so it’s probably easier on you to just choose more laid back places.

- He sort of just tails you silently whenever you bring him somewhere that isn’t his usual scene. You get your own personal living shadow for as long as you’re there.

- Horror movie dates. 

- Bar dates. 

- He probably buys a motorcycle; or already has one, so you’ll most likely take a few rides on that every now and again. 

- He can be surprisingly sweet with you when you’re upset. He’ll kneel down in front of you and take you by the arms or face, asking what's wrong and listening quietly as you tell him. He’ll comfort you no matter how stupid the issue is.

- Your parents either love or hate him; there is no in between when it comes to the wild thing.

- Trying to help keep his temper in check. 

- He tries to avoid things when he’s worried about them so you’ll occasionally have to give him a bit of a push and a pep talk.

- He always tries to keep his problems to himself. He doesn’t want to bother you with what's going on with him so he’ll usually just not tell you about them.

- He’s a very jealous person but not towards you, if that makes sense. Like he’ll get angry and want to fight with the guy rather than you whenever he does feel that way; especially if they know that you’re together.

- Overprotective. He’s immediately willing to fight someone for you; it’s how he shows his love.

“Want me to drag him out of here and kick the shit out of him?” He’s being completely serious.

- The two of you don’t have a lot of fights in your relationship but when you do, you’ll yell, curse, and borderline insult each other. He has some anger issues so he may throw things as well, but that’s usually after you’ve left.

- Whenever the two of you fight, he’ll usually go to drown his sorrows at the bar; that’s where you’ll pretty much always find him. He’ll apologize shyly whenever he has to and he’ll always easily forgive you when you have to; he doesn’t take things personally so he just sweeps whatever you may have said in anger under the rug.

- He’s only told you that he loves you a handful of times and each of them were during an important moment in your relationship/his life. He doesn’t take the phrase very lightly.

- He’ll never admit it but he definitely wants to have kids with you some day.

[takemyopenheart]

Think of Me (Waiting series - part 2 of 3)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey and f!MC (Luz Beltrán) | Category: angst | Rating: T | Warnings: depression | Word Count: 2.1k | Ao3 link | Part 1 | Part 3

summary: There are thousands of miles between Ethan and Luz—which begs the question: does absence really make the heart grow fonder?

He feels his chest constrict at the fleeting thought of her, and he shuts his eyes to let the darkness encompass him. But he knows no amount of darkness can overshadow the light that seeps in when she crosses his mind. The past seven weeks have kept him preoccupied, which is exactly what he wanted. Fighting an epidemic was front and center in his mind, but that didn’t mean he was completely void of certain memories.

His body aches from standing long hours and attending to every last patient, and he remembers one instance in which she rubbed his shoulders one night after a long shift. She sat him down between her legs and used her magic touch to massage the ache away; it was unlike anything he’d experienced. He’d argue that any professional masseuse couldn’t hold a candle to Luz. How he would give anything to feel her intoxicatingly soothing caresses...

No. Snap out of it.

If anyone was there to physically slap the thoughts away, he would certainly allow it. Raking his hand through his hair, he bolts for the bathroom to splash cold water over his face. A chill runs through him as the coolness hits his face, and he slouches over, holding both sides of the sink as he takes in deep breaths. His shoulders rise and fall with each breath, and he looks up into the mirror.

The shadows under his eyes are darker than ever, his frown lines are deeper, his stubble has grown. It’s a reflection he’s grown accustomed to in the past month. He rarely wants to sleep, there’s no time for that when people need him. But it’s no wonder his colleagues forced him to take the day off. He finally realized they were right in that he needed to take a recess if he wanted to be in tip-top shape for the ongoing battle they were up against. Doctors need breaks too, he was just often too stubborn to recognize that.

He wonders if she knows where he is—if Naveen’s shared the news by now. If she’s thinking of him like he is thinking of her. Whether she hates him now for not saying goodbye.

This is the exact reason why he protested his colleagues’ advice; he’s become his own worst enemy. Any time he’s alone with his thoughts, there’s only one name, one face, and one voice that invades his mind.

No amount of distraction, time, or distance can erase the memories of her, and it’s a realization that scares him to death. He’s fallen—he’s fallen deep, and he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to get out. He had to be honest with himself; the main reason he left had to do with her.

The loud groan that escapes him is the only sound in the room, and beyond, it seems. It’s been a quiet night for the most part. The droplets of water continue falling down his face, his now-dampened shirt, and onto the floor. He catches his reflection again; it’s a depressing sight. How pathetic has he become? His resolve comes back at once.

Of course he’ll get out of it. He won’t let anything—especially anyone—affect his psyche. Any intimate feelings are just neurochemical responses to heightened stress and frequent exposure to each other. It’s what he’s always told himself. It makes perfect sense.

Everything he’s been through with Luz, and how she got involved with Naveen’s case is further evidence that supports his theory. It’s no surprise they grew close. She was there during his worst...and never gave up on him. It’s not something he’s used to...she saw him for who he was...she got to know parts of him he never dared show anyone...and she accepted him...

He suddenly, and forcefully, grabs the towel beside him to dry himself and the small puddle that has formed by his feet. His knees ache as he bends down, but he ignores the pain. After shutting the bathroom light off, he sits on the edge of the bed again. The night is silent and still, it’s an atmosphere so foreign to him now. It’s been anything but silent from the moment he arrived in the Amazon and got ready to work.

The pen from the patient file he’d been working on lays next to the alarm clock on the nightstand. Another thought soon rushes its way into his head again, and without thinking twice, he grabs it and opens the drawer for the notebook inside.

He opens the notebook to an empty page. He slips his glasses on and fiddles with the pen, almost building up the courage for what he’s about to write. She’s waiting to hear from you...give her an explanation.

He shakes the uncertainty away and begins writing.

‘Dear Luz,

I know what you’re thinking. Why now? Why this way? What a coward. Even if you don’t think so, it’s the only word that adequately sums up how I’ve been feeling since I left. Nothing I say will ever be enough to eradicate the hurt I know I’ve caused you. And I will never forgive myself for that. I couldn’t face you. I’m used to running, but you know me well enough by now that you’ve probably already figured that out.

Without you, I don’t know where Naveen would be. Or where I would be. You were, no, you are nothing short of incredible. Naveen’s revitalized health is proof of the amazing doctor that you are. And that brings me to my next point.

I don’t regret what we had. I care about you, please don’t believe otherwise. Which is why we both know this can’t continue. We can’t let anything hinder your full potential. Your career is too important. You matter too much. I won’t be the burden that gets in the way of that. We need to restart. Perhaps I’m going about this the wrong way, but I just couldn’t say goodbye.

You deserve all the happiness in the world. I’m sorry that can’t be with me. I hope you understand. I never thought I’d meet someone like you, but I don’t deserve you. Someone who won’t run will be worthy of you. Thank you for all you’ve done, I won’t ever forget it. Continue being the amazing woman that you are. Thank you for the time we had. I’ll cherish it.’

His hand halts, and he rubs his stinging eyes. The words on the paper appear blurry, his eyes refusing to allow them to come into focus. He adjusts his glasses on again, and the first word his gaze lands on is ‘coward’. He lets out a humorless laugh. ‘Damn right I am’, he thinks to himself.

The word embodies him further as he suddenly tears the page out of the notebook and rips it in half, before haphazardly tossing the crumpled paper across the room.

‘And that’s all I’ll ever be.’

•

Nearly 5,000 miles away, Luz sits in the once-familiar living room. She turns to the smiling face beside her, taking in the smile she’s missed so much. It’s been a long time since she’s seen him. Too long, and she feels so much contentment being near him. Her heart is full; there’s nowhere else she’d rather be.

This is what she needed. To move past everything she’s been through this past month. And to do that, there was no better place than California. The place she used to call home. And to surround herself with the people whom she’s missed beyond belief since moving to Boston.

He puts his arm around her just before the camera flashes. Their smiles are wide and sincere. It’s a perfect moment to capture the happy Beltrán reunion.

"Okay, ahora it’s our turn!" Elena Beltrán chirps before rushing over to sit in between her two kids. "Ven, mi amor. Siéntate con nosotros. (Come here, my love, and sit with us) We need a picture. All four of us," she calls out to her husband, Jorge.

He places the phone on the fireplace mantel and comes to sit on the couch for another impromptu picture. He sits next to his youngest, who’s come home for the weekend from Boston just to see them. He and his wife couldn’t contain their joy that she’d be visiting just before their son, Sebastián, was to move to Oregon. It meant they’d all be together—a rare occurrence since Luz moved to the East Coast.

The camera flashes again. Luz’s cheeks feel like they’re about ready to burst from the permanent smile that’s been planted on her face since the moment she rushed into her family’s arms.

They’re just glad to see her content. From what they understood, she had been going through some things in her personal life that she needed to get away from for a while. She was open with them regarding her involvement with her colleague and boss Ethan Ramsey. They were aware that they’d grown close while working on a case together.

For years, he was someone she admired. So much so, that his research was the reason she applied to medical school. Ethan had made an important impact on her life. She never divulged just how close they’d grown, but if he was the reason she needed to get away from Boston, they knew it had probably become a close relationship. They never judged her for it. She was a smart woman. But sometimes you can’t help what your heart feels.

"Now, you two kids prepare for a feast. Mami and I will be in the kitchen, you two just make yourselves comfortable," Jorge says as he and Elena make their way to the kitchen.

Luz makes to stand. "Dad, no way. I’m helping—"

"Mija, sit down. We got this. You just got home from a long flight. I won’t take no for an answer," he says sternly, but with a warm expression on his face.

She slumps down on the couch, watching her dad gesturing for her and Sebastián to stay put. She can’t help but smile at his insistence to take care of them. It’s always been this way when she and her brother are home.

Sebastián turns to her, grinning from ear to ear. "It’s good to see you, sis. I didn’t think we’d see you till December."

"I didn’t either. But, really, I’m just here to annoy you," she jokes, though the smile doesn’t fully reach her eyes. Bash knows his little sister is trying to distract herself from whatever went down between her and that Ramsey guy. He can’t help but feel some resentment toward him for breaking her heart.

"Want me to kick his ass?"

"No, Bash. I’m better, I promise. I just needed a little break." She sighs, though she quickly covers it and stands on her feet. "Come on, let’s sneak up on mami and papi!"

Sebastián watches her tiptoe her way toward the kitchen and lift a finger to her lips to keep him quiet. He huffs out a laugh and decides to follow her. This quickly takes them back to the time they would sneak around every Christmas night to catch a glimpse of Santa Claus.

Jorge and Elena are too preoccupied getting the champurrado just right to notice their two kids crouched down behind the island.

"I see you," Jorge calls out with a soft laugh and a shake of his head.

"Dammit," Luz mumbles.

"Not as stealthy as once before, sis." Sebastián chortles, and they spring up from behind their hiding place.

"Anyway, I thought I told you kids to stay away," Jorge reminds them.

"Well, I’m helping anyway. Bash can laze about, but I’m helping, whether you like it or not." Luz remains adamant and takes the spoon from her mom to begin stirring the champurrado.

"Mom, dad, why don’t Luz and I take over. You two go sit down this time—"

"Yeah, go make-out or something. We got this." Her lips curve into a beaming smile

Sebastián grimaces in disgust, and Elena and Jorge laugh to themselves before stepping aside to allow them space. He begins shooing them away. "Go, go. We won’t poison you, we promise. Or at least I won’t. Can’t say the same about Luz."

"Hey!" she retorts with a frown before playfully giving him a shove.

"We trust you kids," Elena says as they make their retreat. And with a tender smile, she stares back at the comforting scene of her two kids together under the same roof, bickering like old times.

"And don’t you forget it! Come on, Bash, help me with the lemon bars while I continue stirring this," Luz instructs, and they get to work.

Being in the kitchen she grew up in fills her heart with the joy she’s missed these past few weeks. She’ll open up to her family eventually, all she wants to do right now is focus on the here and now.

It’s true what they always say: there’s no place like home.

•

Thanks for reading! Ily💗

•

@openheartfanfics

[jade-doodles-questionmark]

On Alexander, Angelica and Eliza

Heres some long-ass personal interpretation based on the musical that nobody following this blog signed up for lol. Not gonna be touching on history coz i’m no expert and there’re ppl way more qualified for that. and it’s good to keep things separated.

there’re obviously many similarities between the two A’s. Both are witty, outspoken, center of attention, and a bit of a flirt. To me, the most interesting trait shared by both is their awareness: They know exactly where they stand socially, and subsequently, how to play by the rules to climb up. This clear awareness is where I got the idea for the staircase drawings. “i’m a girl in a world in which my only job is to marry rich/ my father has no sons so i’m the one who has to social climb for one” is a demonstration of Angelica’s awareness, just as “As a kid in the Caribbean I wished for a war/ I knew that I was poor/ I knew it was the only way to rise up” shows Alexander’s.

it’s different for Eliza - i know as the show proceeds, she gradually becomes more ambitious and active, but in Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story, what she asks, instead of how to rise up, is: “Have I done enough?” this quiet insistence is why i always see her as someone who does things because she thinks it’s a right thing to do, no matter whether that thing in question would benefit her personally or not. sure, she gives off "cinnamon roll" vibes, but girl’s no less strong or badass than Alexander or Angelica.

More under cut coz I’m incapable of being concise:

Angelica:

what always strikes me as interesting about Angelica is the contrast of what she says vs. what she does.

In The Schuyler Sisters, the majority of her lines are about empowering women, which, I think, is where the depiction of Angelica as an angry feminist comes from in some fanfics. But in Satisfied, we see she plays squarely by the rules of patriarchy and social classes (the three fundamental truths part). 

Similarly, in TSS, she says "so men say I'm intense or I'm insane", seemingly unbothered, if not lowkey proud, by these comments, but in Satisfied, she talks about the resulting gossip if she were to marry Alexander. 

I saw a post which expressed that Angelica thinks like Alexander but acts like Burr, and I agree. She has a sharp mind and is unafraid to speak out, like Alexander, but she’s also got things to lose, like Burr. Having family responsibilities means that she does not, and cannot, act without restrictions and hesitations like Hamilton. She doesn't necessarily wait it out like Burr, but she does think things thru, because the important decisions she makes carry enough weight to not only affect the future of herself but also of her family.

I had mentioned in an old post that Satisfied is basically Angelica assessing cost & gain for each of the options she has, for all the parties involved. even though that song's ending has mixed feelings and it's DEFINITELY a heartbreaking song, Angelica's choice did maximize the gain for everyone at the time: She was able to maintain her bond with Alexander and married rich to ensure her material comfort. Alexander was able to marry a Schuyler and elevate his status. Eliza got the boy she loved and was happily married. She even foresaw some possible challenges the newly wed Hamiltons were likely to face (“He’ll never be satisfied”).

She knows she lives in a world of patriarchy; she isn't happy with it, but she knows how to take advantage of the system as much as she can. She knows how to be the center of attention, be charming, and appeal to ppl. She knows what kind of husband is beneficial to have. She knows how to influence politics in her own way (take a break). Part of why I found Satisfied so sad is that her mind and her heart wish for two different things. Angelica is a realist, over everything else. She can be a feminist, but definitely not an angry one.

Alexander:

I talked a bit abt him in an older post on Maria - and a lot of what I said abt Maria applies to him. If the challenge Angelica was facing is invisible societal restrictions on women, what Alexander faces is purely regarding survival. Having needed to fight and compete for resources, I imagine he's at least somewhat influenced by the philosophy of social darwinism. I also said, in the same post, that I don't think he'd be really inclined to help ppl in the same difficulty he used to be in, for the same reason. If he could make it this far with his own hard work, how would it be fair to make things easier for others now? Would those ppl even deserve their success now the bar has been lowered? It's not exactly a right way of thinking, but it's also hard to blame him. after having to compete for resource w others in order to climb up, it’s hard to change the mentality.

I've seen a music analysis (by Howard Ho on YouTube) on Hurricane, and it concludes that when Hamilton was singing that song, he wasn't exactly recalling the past - he's been mentally living in that reality and never truly left. (There's similar remarks that Hamilton's past in the Caribbean had always plagued him despite his power and position in Chernow's biography, but we're only analyzing the musical here.) He never fully turned off his survival mode.

To clarify: by survival mode, I don't literally mean he fights to survive. He didn't exactly show a strong will to survive and was quite willing to give up his life for noble causes, up until he met Eliza. What I meant is, he remembers being destitute and helpless, he remembers seeing deaths of trivial importance, so he fights to be as far away from destitution and helplessness as possible, he fights to have the opportunity to die a glorious and noble death. Because to be able to die for something matters is still a privilege. No matter how high up he rose to position, his insecurity that he may end up losing those never faded away. This raw energy, I guess, is what gradually turned the others in the musical to be more like him.

Eliza:

Eliza seems to be the one who's the most content abt their situations out of the three. After all, one of her motifs in the musical is "look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now", and the other one is “that would be enough”. 

ppl usually say Helpless and Satisfied should be listened back to back (and nothing wrong with that), but comparing these two songs, Helpless doesn’t explore as much of Eliza’s character as Satisfied does Angelica. Throughout Helpless, she’s spent most of the song narrating what happened and falling head over heels for Alexander. As for her first appearance in TSS, she doesn’t have as much of a voice and show of character in comparison to Angelica, Burr, other Peggy either. 

The first moment we truly see her thoughts is in That Would Be Enough. It’s also in this song, her two other motifs (”that would be enough” and “narrative”) are introduced. Unlike Alexander and Angelica at that point of story, she’s happy with her life, wants it to remain that way, and doesn’t ask for more. 

i dont mean she’s not ambitious like the other two - she’s driven, but by other things. she doesn’t think of legacy, material comfort, status, position, etc. as important as Angelica and Alexander, as we can see in Burn. it’s not that she doesn’t know the rules - girl’s not playing the game at all. 

unlike the two A’s, Eliza’s growth happens in the second act. Angelica’s barely in the second act, and in the same act we see Alexander’s most trusted weapon, writing, contributing to his downfall. but for Eliza, she turns from the observer in Helpless, the supporter in That Would Be Enough, to the only one on stage in Burn, and to being the center of stage in Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story. in the second act we see her going thru the series of most crushing heartaches: Reynolds Pamphlet, death of Phillip, and death of Alexander, but we also see her strength. she’s a good person, but ppl usually forget that being nice takes energy and strength too. it takes strength to support, to forgive, to mourn the passing of your loved ones, and to preserve their memories and legacy. she shines and grows after overcoming the loss and heartbreaks. Angelica says in Satisfied “she’d say 'i’m fine' but she’d be lying”, i don’t think she’s giving Eliza enough credit for her mental strength there lol. 

side note: this is where i got idea for the eliza art from a few days ago - kintsugi represents the idea that your wound becomes your history and forms part of who you are, rather than something ugly to be ashamed of. I think it fits well with Eliza’s development.

Congrats! you’ve made it till the end! don’t know why u’d do that, but thanks! 

if u’re reading this feel free to send me a simple art request to compensate the time u took reading my bullshit

[smearsyd]

Safe in Your Arms | PCY | Part One

Lee Seoyun had scars.

Perhaps she had been saved from physical scars, but they were visible enough to her. Thick reminders stood out in her mind that made words like worthless, not good enough, not grateful enough, unloveable, feel like a second skin. She didn’t think she was capable of healing— her parents had told her that she would always be broken, and weren’t your parents the ones who were supposed to know you the best?

So years ago, when Seoyun tragically spilled her hot chocolate all over the front of poor Park Chanyeol’s winter sweater, she was expecting severe backlash— not a forgiving smile and definitely not a new friend. Muchless, Seoyun never in a million years would have imagined that Park Chanyeol would soon be falling in love with someone like her. To be the person who made her, for the first time, feel safe in his arms.

This is Seoyun healed, despite her scars.

characters:

+ park chanyeol (exo), you as lee seoyun (because names are important)

what to expect:

+ christmas + boyfriend!au + fluff and romance

length:

+ 3 parts, bonus drabbles + 25kish in total 

warnings:

+ sensitive topics + mentions of traumatic past + smut on part two

read it here: (updating… stay tuned)

+ part one + part two + part three + bonus +  masterlist

author’s note:

+ this chapter always makes me smile, i hope you enjoy it ❄️ 

if you want to be tagged, please reply to this post!

@bbhmystar @itsmesa

A Week Before Christmas Day

Seoyun despises the mere act of a ‘good-bye.’ To her, it means walking away from what she has come to love— even if she knows she will eventually say ‘hello’ again. It’s simply the thought of the in-between that drives her nearly mad.

Despite that though, she finds a chuckle escaping her lips and a final wave coming from her raised hand to bid her best friend (who was currently leaning half-way out of her red Toyota to blow her an airy kiss and yell out a heartfelt call me tomorrow!) one of those good-bye’s. She watches her pull away from her driveway and waits for the resonating pang of loneliness to strike in her chest— she always seems to experience this when the two separate. Yet, Seoyun is shocked still when the ingrained claws of anxiety in fact never come. Some feelings are hard to stop remembering, she thinks, taking a grounding breath.

It feels silly, pathetic almost, that she could somehow be caught by the immense sensation of what the past once was, and yet, not by the past itself. The process of healing and the passage of time are ironic twins, you can struggle and struggle to do things your way, but nothing erases quite as well as time. Though, being around her best friend is like tripping the electrical switch of suppressed memories, forcing her right back to when they spent most of their time together— she can still feel the echoes of panicked ‘good-byes’ and reluctant glances. It was a time that left Seoyun achy from overthinking and bruised from words that never should have left the mouths of those she thought she could trust.

Seoyun once was made to recite that the wise believe that forgiving does not mean forgetting, but she doesn’t want to hold on anymore,forgiving and not forgetting is a cruel expression and she would give anything at this point to forget. Of course, though, that therapist also believed in sunbathing for depression relief and taking a nap when faced with anxiety. If she could sunbath to rid herself of degrading thoughts, Seoyun thinks she would be “cured” years ago. Either way, she’s learned to move on, because unlike then, when she was living in the pain of her memory, she has a future now and it happens to be one barren of good-bye’s.

She slips out a sigh in mild defeat of the uphill she still has to climb, but lets a secret smile find home on her face because regardless, she's been climbing for a while and that in itself is enough for her. She takes in the view of her forever home: the painted mailbox dripping with snow, the messy strings of lights basking the windows in the perfect kind of home-y warmth, his collection of mismatched bird houses hanging delicately from the trees— she decides to fill her mind with memories of this instead. It wasn't the biggest home in the world, nor was it magazine fancy, but it was comfortable in the best way and maybe more importantly, Seoyun didn't have to share it alone— mentally or physically.

A small window sits amongst the bricked wall, giving a beautiful view of the fading sun to the inside inhabitants, and to her, a view she imagines she’ll never tire of. He seemed to be looking for something, his hands perched on his wide hips and his head tilted into a slightly confused grimace. She thought he looked the best like this, unworried and unknowing of her watching eyes. He ran a hand through his thick silver hair, making the tendrils stick up in a mop-like configuration that had her hands tingling to fix it. His gaze moved through the kitchen and languidly out the window, finally coming to land on her.

Seoyun watched with a content beat to her heart as his eyes lit up in surprise, his hand falling from his hair and his mouth ajarring just enough for her to want to tease him. After a moment, his lips began to tug up into a brilliant smile— the one that seemed contagious and would soon transfer to her own lips if she wasn’t careful, which she never was with him.

He beckoned her towards the house, but Seoyun stood for a few more moments. She has a list of lessons to mind that she and Chanyeol came up with in the years they have been together. Admire the little and big things. This seemed like a big thing.

Seoyun made her way towards the house after she was satisfied, finding the door handle already unlocked for her. She unraveled her thick wool scarf (actually it was his that she stole from his side of the closet this morning) and hung her jacket onto the rack beside the door. She thought the house smelled divine, like sweet vanilla and rich milk chocolate.

“Seo…” His voice echoed through the kitchen and bounced around in her mind. His voice always reminded her of the crackling of a fire, or a warmth that was uniquely his. Her feet made the decision to follow this warmth without first checking in with her— not that she would have denied such a request. “Do you know where I last put the key to the shed? I’m pretty sure the decorations are in there, but I can’t seem to remember where we placed it last.”

Seoyun could hear the casual pout in his voice before she even turned the corner and took in his furrowed eyebrows as he rummaged the junk drawers next to the sink. The kitchen was a mess, storage baskets littered amongst the counter and random keys set out as if he had tried them all without success. She successfully hid her increasingly amused chuckle behind the soft material of her sweater, remembering their latest bickering about how he loses everything and him retorting that he only puts them in a safe spot, a too safe spot.  

He turned in question, his eyes turning to silvers at finding her infamous I told you so face fully on display for him to bake in. Seoyun thinks their relationship is framed around him getting into some kind of predicament and her having to come in and save the day, but then again, she also feels that he is the best at saving her. Once, there might have been a time she would not dare laugh at his downfalls— big or small, serious or joking— but there’s this certain kind of safety he radiates around her, even when he’s angry and frustrated with her, that she understands is his special way of saying that he cares. She thinks that no one else wears the look of comfort better than him.

“What?” He asked, an air of playfulness alighting in his eyes as he gradually let go of his irritation. He slowly reached out and pushed the drawer closed, a hand perching on his hip. “Ohh,” he dragged out in her silence, “you think this is funny, huh? Clumsy boyfriend, always losing everything.”

She nodded her head easily, and as his tongue poked through the soft side of his cheek, she knew she was about to get it. This didn’t stop her from egging him on however. “Clumsy boyfriend, not good for anything.”

He shook his head and her eyes grew as she followed his calculated footsteps towards her. She sucked in her breath as his large grip rounded her waist and ever so delicately backed her into the front of the refrigerator. His other hands came up to cup her cheek, the back of his thumb rubbing a soothing pattern on her velvety skin.

She could feel through his touch how patient he was, how each finger held an infinite amount of love for her. He liked to show himself like that, she knew. He liked to wrap her in his affection and tuck her away into the better things of life. Maybe it was this that made her give in so easily to him; he wanted her love almost as badly as she needed it— even if she didn’t know that at first.

“I’m good for this, aren’t I?” He teased, his eyes flickering down to her already parted lips with an endearing gaze.

Something bubbled up in need at his statement, need for him to be closer, need for her to keep him by her side, but she also wanted to savor this moment. “I told you that you’d forget where the keys are,” she said in an effort to ignore his previous statement. Though, his lips were beginning to distract her as they tugged up on the corners, coming impossibly close in collision to her own.

A deep chuckle emerged from his chest that she could feel radiating through him and into her, his laugh was simply like that. “What am I going to do about you always calling me out?” He mumbled more to himself than her, his eyes flickering down like baby candles to her already slightly parted lips. Seoyun simply hummed in defeat, giving in to her wants to tease him. She felt as her head tilted up in response towards him, her heels beginning to slowly inch so the two of them may finally meet— like two stars shooting together.

She held her breath as his lips finally molded against hers, and although it had only been a few hours since they last shared an embrace as such, it felt as if she had waited centuries. Chanyeol too, must have felt the same longing as her, his head turning down to deepen the kiss and his tongue jotting out to run effortlessly against her own.

They leaned in together, savoring one another in a manner she thought was only unique to them. He tasted of sweetened candy and a raw type of enticement that she has come to associate as purely Chanyeol. He let out a restrained noise of approval as her hands traced up his firm back and latched onto his neck, her roaming fingers tugging softly on the ends of his tangled locks.

She’s realized that no matter how many times she’s kissed him, or how long ago it’s been, each time is like a new shock of surprise, sending tingles of warmth through her body and reminding her how much she longs for him when away from his gentle, lingering touches. To her, Chanyeol was a sweet addiction, one she was sure boosted her health like that of a vitamin; once she had her first taste of what it felt like to be wanted, trusted, loved, she made sure to take her daily dose.

He pulled back from the kiss, his now swollen lips hovering in the almost non-existent space between hers, his breath fanning lightly against her nose. She gulped and leaned forward to brush another lasting peck on his lips, not yet willing to let him free. Seoyun felt him smile into the kiss at her actions, still not use to how much bolder she has gotten through the years. The mouse haven grown into the cat.

"I missed you," he whispers after she broke away, his nose rubbing against hers in a loving manner. "You were gone for so long today."

She internally snorted at his clinginess, pushing him lightly back despite her fluttering heart wanting him near, just so she could give him a pointed look. He didn’t approve of her friend, she parties too much Seoyun, hangs out with the wrong people, and it was showing in his voice and eyes. She’s the only consistent friend Seoyun’s ever had though, she’s family more than anything.

“You’re going to have to get over missing me every once in a while,” she retorted.

“Never.”

“And when you go on day trips with the boys? What do I do then?”

He stopped short, his head tilting lightly, “You tell us to have a good time.”

“Exactly.”

“Ah babe,” he quickly said as he fell deeper into her trap, “it’s different with the boys, though.”

“You keep saying that and find out what happens.”

He huffed, throwing her his scrunched nose I should be winning this look. She loved that look. “Regardless, it was a long time. I didn’t even see you this morning. I wanted to make pancakes.”

“And?”

“And?” He mimicked in a ‘girly voice’ that he has deemed to sound exactly like hers.

Seoyun let out a disbelieving laugh at his no-nonsense face, showing that he really doesn't care how long she was gone, it was always going to be too long. Although she would never give him the pleasure of admitting his affect on her, she felt the same way about him after barely being apart for the five years they have been dating. To Seoyun, Chanyeol is home, somewhere she didn't have to act like anyone else or smile just out of forced habit. Chanyeol took her heart for his and made it feel welcomed and safe.

She reached out and pinched him before he could say anymore, deciding to ignore his indignant yelp and instead, reach for the key that was so perfectly resting behind her. Seoyun turned around in Chanyeol's loose embrace and stretched her fingers over the top of the refrigerator until they closed on a small and cold object. Lowering her hand, she presented the key to Chanyeol with a teasing smile playing on her curling lips. He lets a loud groan out from the sight, his large hand clasping around her smaller one as his shoulders deflated from her playful giggles.

"I would have eventually found it..." He defends, purposely giving Seoyun that pouty look he knows will melt her insides.

"Uh, huh" She crinkles her nose at his antics for what feels like the tenth time this night, bumping her hip with his as the two of them walked from the kitchen, hand in hand.

Seoyun helped Chanyeol bring the Christmas decorations in, the four tubs lining the living room next to the big tree they bought yesterday evening at the city's Christmas Celebration. They’d been coming ever since they met six years ago, as a nod to whatever forces were smiling down on them that day. The past was present and fleshy to her then— Chanyeol, though, never seemed to mind her anxious actions. He was good like that, pushing her in the right direction with just enough pressure to make her realize her own potential. She feels that the tree and this time in general, helps her keep that in mind.

She stood with her hands on her hips, catching her breath as she looked up at the massive height of this tree. Seoyun felt Chanyeol come back to her side, his hand trailing to wrap around her small waist. "I can't believe you talked me into getting this tree..." She mumbled into his shoulder. "How are we even going to get the star on the top?"

Chanyeol's deep chuckle rumbled through her side. "Well, obviously you are too short to do it, but I, on the other hand, can easily reach the top." She turned out of his embrace at hearing his sly tone, taking notice of the few feet difference between Chanyeol's height compared to the tallness of the tree.

His in character sarcasm was bleeding through his loose grin and also per-normal, she had no response but to shake her head. She was, however, getting better at his game.

"Okay, Mr. Giant," she teased. "The star is all your job then— make it perfect or suffer the consequences!"

Chanyeol gave her a mock salute as she moved away, "Yes Ma'am!"

She moved to grab the box of decorations, eyeballing the variations of ornaments the two of them have collected together with a starry gaze. There was the shiny, store bought trinkets, ranging from glass cylinders to mini characters from the movie Zootopia (Chanyeol's pick, not hers). Then there were more special ones, like the one his mom sent them on their first anniversary, a snowflake with their names on it. Or the handmade heart displaying a picture of Chanyeol's best friend, Baekhyun, given by Baekhyun to them last Christmas— Seoyun could only describe him as a special person. Her favorite ornament, though, was the one Chanyeol and her made two Christmas years ago at her work's annual holiday party. It was a simple clear ball, but the two of them had taken turns writing their favorite memory with one another on opposite sides.

Chanyeol had written something incredibly cheesy like every moment with you is my favorite moment and she still smiles now when she sees it. Seoyun never stopped being amazed at all the small devotions of their relationship that they had managed to collect from their years together. He spoiled her with things her parents told her she wasn't worth enough to have. It was a stark reminder to her most of the time, but now, it just made her content and thankful to have someone who didn't mind reassuring her that words only hold meaning if you let them.

Chanyeol and her began hanging the decorations on the tree and around the house diligently, Chanyeol wrapping the lights and Seoyun setting out the countdown calendar like usual. By the time two hours had passed, the house was fully decked out in holiday gear. The wreath had been placed, the elves were on the shelves, candy canes littered the bowls on every table, cinnamon sticks and scented pine cones were filling the air with their holiday smell, and the tree was fully decorated— well, all except for the star.

Chanyeol fumbled with the brass star in his palms, looking between it and the tree with a scornful look. She busied herself with tidying up his work on the tree (he always seems to place all of his favorite ornaments on one side of the tree so he could easily see them, totally not caring how much this messes up the aesthetic balance she strives to create.)

"Ah ha!" Chanyeol exclaimed, making Seoyun jump in her spot. Before she could ask anything though, he was grabbing her by the hand while bouncing up and down on his heels.

"Okay so here is how we are going to do this," he starts, giving her a super serious look that she could only meet with furrowed eyebrows as she took in the large star.

“The plan goes as follows: first we are going to—”

She cut him off, placing her hand against his lips. “We?” She raised her eyebrows to further her point, to which he mirrored with what she could only describe as a mockingly annoyed look. “I thought I was too short to help with the star.”

Chanyeol's eyes faded to a sheepish smile around her fingers before she slowly dropped them. He pleads her name softly under his breath, so she would have to lean in to hear him. "You know I didn't mean it." He whispers, his lips coming together to form a cute pout and his eyes turning into that big puppy dog stare. "Please help out your poor Channie, please." He bats his eyelashes for extra support.

She pretended to fake gag, though really she knew she couldn’t hold out against that look and feared her insides turning to mush. “You’re gross.” She settled on saying, letting a drawn-out sigh escape her lips. Chanyeol beamed, bouncing down on his toes to scoop her up into a too tight hug. His lips left a trail of mushy kisses against her cheek that made her fidget in his grip, an 18+ warning leaving her tongue and causing him to promptly set her down.

"Okay, okay," Chanyeol started again, pulling her over to the Christmas tree. "You hop on my shoulders and I'll keep you steady as you put the star on top."

"What!?" Seoyun half yells, giving Chanyeol a look that screams that he must be out of his mind.

"What?" He repeats, seeing nothing wrong with the situation. "I won't let you fall, I promise." He quickly adds at seeing her unrelenting face. "You know I would never let you fall— unless it's for me, then fall all you want."

She hit Chanyeol in the chest as he let out a loud laugh, rubbing the place she hit him with a wince like she actually hurt him, even though they both know she didn't. He gives her an endearing look as she begins to contemplate his plan. She did trust Chanyeol not to let her fall and the only other option was to climb a chair which seemed like even more of a risk. Seoyun felt her eyebrows begin to come together in the middle as she sighed in defeat— hoping that her choice would come out to be the lesser of two evils.

"Fine," she jabbed a finger in his chest, which he caught between his and brought up to land a quick kiss on. "But you'll pay if you drop me."

Chanyeol easily agreed to her terms and before she could even think about changing her mind, he was hoisting her up like a weightless doll onto his shoulders, his hands coming to rest comfortingly around her thighs. She straightened out, gaining her wobbly balance before reaching out towards the tree with the star. Seoyun easily placed it on top with a smile, admiring the tree from the tall view. It was ever so slightly lopsided and despite her rearranging, the ornaments were a little all over the place. But that was okay, because it was cute and homey. Mostly, though, she and Chanyeol had made it together, so that alone made it worth it.

"Okay," She seemed to whisper, her hands going down to brush through the messy mop of hair on his forehead. "I am ready to be put down now Channie." Seoyun claimed, looking down at him underneath her.

"I don't know," he muttered with a distant look in his eyes, one she almost could recognize as trouble. "I think I am starting to get used to this view." Chanyeol swiftly turned his head and buried his face on the inside of her bare thigh, making Seoyun's eyes shoot open.

"Park Chanyeol!"

thank you for reading

please like and reblog if you enjoyed :)

please remember:

+ do not plagiarize

+ suggestions are open

visit the masterlist

come chat with me

find me on asianfanfics

[thisstableground]

do you have any hcs for if usnavi's parents hadn't died? it would change him and his story a lot and I feel like it could be really interesting, how he's still him but with such different experiences. and you write him and get his character so well so you're definitely the person to ask about this kind of thing if you're up for it :) (also as a fellow brit the uk au is really really weird to me, I can't quite work out why)

(lmao ikr? i wouldn’t actually call it a uk au because i firmly do not believe it could work as a fully-fledged idea without changing way too much about a very culturally specific story in a way that has very uncomfortable implications, tho it is hilarious to briefly entertain the idea of ITH except it’s all set in fuckin milton keynes or something because Simply No Thank You)

THIS WILL BE LONG, BUCKLE UP

i think that a lot of canon usnavis traits are perhaps things he already had but that got magnified by a huge amount after losing his parents, because they could also be seen as ADHD traits; particularly the anxiety and the difficulty with making changes or starting new things. he’s still worried about messing up, about making a fool of himeslf, or just doesnt have the executive functioning to do things. but the difference is prior to losing his parents he had a lot more optimism and self-confidence to push himself past those anxieties or to find it easier to listen to his friends and family when they encourage him, because he has this certainty when he’s younger that things will turn out okay. an usnavi who never loses his parents carries that certainty into adulthood (i think even after abuela passes, because while it’s difficult and tragic for him, it isn’t deeply traumatising in the same way). so this version of usnavi still worries about failure, but the stakes are so much lower; he might embarrass himself but he has the safety net of his parents support, whereas the fear that fuels canon usnavi’s difficulty with changing things or moving forward is “what if i fuck up and lose someone else important to me again?”, where things which aren’t actually literal life-or-death tend to feel that way to him, and he’s a lot more cynical about whether things will have a positive outcome.

with his parents still alive doesn’t find it so terrifying to look into the future – “today’s all we got”, he says in the opening song, and i think he would still say that but in a way that means “live for today, live in the moment, enjoy life”. that might be the attitude he’s trying to get across in canon, but he also uses it as a way to hold himself back and keep himself stuck in place, to not let himself hope for anything in the future: in canon, he knows in a very painful way that he isn’t promised a future, and nobody he loves is promised a future, so why make plans or hypotheticals or even seriously believe that he’ll ever go back to DR? (i genuinely think there’s a subconscious part of him that’s firmly convinced he’s going to die young, but that’s a whole other tangent). he’s living in the moment because he’s scared of what he’ll see when he looks past it; usnavi with his parents still around lives in the moment because he likes the moment he’s in.

i wonder if him and vanessa would have ended up dating, or at least if they’d have been so successful and long-lasting as a couple. they’e always known each other and got on well, but i see their deeper feelings as growing out of  this shared understanding between them based on the difficulties they’ve been through – would they have still had the champagne bet, if usnavi didn’t have that grief and loss and extra responsibility that drives his vague non-plans to go live in DR? would he even want to leave new york, in this version, or would he still be content with the place he grew up because it doesn’t have those painful memories? 

the character arc of reconciling moving forward from a place that symbolises a painful past without having to completely sever from the good things about it is something that both of them share in canon. without those moments of both being given too many responsibilities and too much independence way too young because they don’t have parents who can ease the transition into adulthood, or this unspoken recognition that even with all their barrio family around both of them are very much on their own in some ways, would they make the deeper emotional connection that makes them work so well together in a more long-term way? or would they just have gone on a few casual dates that didn’t stand out from any other casual dates they might have with others?

and hell, maybe usnavi would’ve already been in a relationship with someone completely different – he’d be working at the store with two other people who were experienced in running it. he’d have so much more time to go out, have a social life, go to clubs and hang out with more people his own age. usnavi after losing his parents became quite disconnected from the larger group of people him and benny would hang out with at school; he doesn’t have the time, he doesn’t have the energy, and for a long time while he’s still so deep in grief i think they find it hard to know how to be friends with this quiet, broken, listless usnavi. they’re all still friendly but internally i think he loses his sense of place with his peers because he’s been rapidly catapulted into a stage of life that none of them are in. an usnavi who doesn’t lose his parents also doesn’t lose his sense of being around the same level and life stage as his peers, so who knows who he meets or develops feelings for?

his relationship with sonny is definitely different. his love and care for him isn’t so full of fear, because he doesn’t feel this need to protect him from every little thing or like it’s his personal responsibility to keep him alive, because it doesn’t really occur to him that he could lose him. canon usnavi i think has a lot more of a somewhat parental vibe, and often an overprotective parent at that. i think this usnavi, because he doesn’t have to grow up so quickly and he isn’t sonny’s boss, has much more of a fun big brother role. and i think sonny in return doesn’t feel so much responsibility for usnavi as he grows up - he doesnt feel like he has to force him to have fun or get some rest or put himself first every so often because usnavi doesnt push himself nearly so relentlessly and because his parents can look out for him when he does. 

maybe sonny doesn’t start working in the bodega until much later, either – a lot of why he spends so much time there is because usnavi watches him while his mom’s at work but can’t just close the store. if his parents are there to keep working then usnavi watches sonny at one of their homes, or they go out and do more stuff. the bodega is still important to both of them but it isn’t nearly as much a main setting for sonny’s adolescence as it is in canon.

on that note, since in my version the first thing that makes usnavi hold an instant vendetta against pete is catching pete tagging the store only a few weeks after losing his parents, where his feelings are still so intense and raw. the store hasn’t reopened and so the graffiti feels like someone else making a claim on the only thing he has left of his parents. in this version he’d be annoyed to catch someone tagging the store at most but much quicker to forgive and forget. so in a world where usnavi doesn’t lose his parents, usnavi also doesn’t hate graffiti pete.

 if we’re assuming that things did go roughly similar to the point of usnavi being in the club with vanessa on the night of the blackout, here’s the things that would change:

- sonny isn’t the one at the bodega, his parents are, and they’re together so usnavi doesn’t feel the same urgency to get back and check on things there when the power goes out. instead he finds vanessa and walks her home and by the time he’s back at the store, i think his mom would already be with abuela making sure she’s okay, and usnavi would focus on helping his dad make sure everything was safe and secure at the bodega

- he’s also probably still pretty drunk at this point, so there’s a chance that when everything at the store is secured he just goes straight to bed; it’s been a long night, and he’s tired, and he doesn’t have the trauma of past loss making him feel like he personally has to check every little thing himself. he trusts his parents to take care of abuela, it isn’t all on his shoulders. so they don’t have their moment together on the roof.

- whether the store gets looted in this version or not, i don’t think usnavi’s waking up at sunrise to deal with it, but even if he is then he gets up, helps his parents, is upset and annoyed but not in the same visceral, overwhelming way that he is in canon because he doesn’t have all those other long-term anxieties building up in him, he doesn’t have that pressure of his parents legacy tied up in the store when they’re still right there, he doesn’t have that conversation with vanessa where she’s hurt and betrayed that he left her in the blackout and didn’t check up on her.  (sidenote this may even mean that vanessa doesn’t move downtown, because if he isnt looking for a way to make things up to her before he leaves then he might not think to speak to dani about co-signing her apartment)

-  this means he probably doesn’t get overwhelmed and abandon cleanup to go visit abuela in the morning like he does in canon when we get Hundreds of Stories. he might not even be around, since he tells sonny in canon to get a generator and candles to the church and that’s probably an errand he’d do himself while his parents manned the store. this means he probably does not see abuela that one final time or have that one final meaningful conversation with her before she passes.

final sad note: in a version of events where usnavi never loses his parents, christmas is still his favourite time of year.

[omg-imagine]

⊱ Forget Me Not (9/15) ⊰

Pairing: Keanu Reeves x Reader

Summary: After you wake up from a coma and realize that your memories from the last five years have been erased, Keanu works to bring back what you have lost.

Words: 5k oops

Warnings: language, angst and implied smut 

A/N: Sorry for the wait! I do hope you enjoy this chapter since it’s my favorite one to write so far. I mentioned before there was going to be actual smut in this but decided to leave it out since I didn’t want this drag this chapter out. Anways, let me know what you think!

Part 8

“You look stunning.”

Through the vanity mirror, you spotted Keanu standing in the open doorway, his arms folding across his chest and the corner of his lips lifting into a half-smile. Slowly, you turned your head around, noting how exceptionally handsome he looked in a classic black blazer and trousers. With his dark hair neatly brushed and beard freshly trimmed, you simply could not pry your eyes away from Keanu, who merely chuckled in amusement.

Crossing the room in three long strides, neither Keanu could stop himself from staring at you. After rummaging through your closet for what seemed like hours, you settled on a gorgeous navy blue dress to wear for the evening, a choice now deemed right considering the approving expression on his face.

Smirking up at him from your seat, you heard Keanu repeat his earlier statement as he reached down to grasp your hand before kissing each knuckle tenderly.

Life was falling into place, it seemed, even after Keanu’s revelation about your rocky relationship with him before the accident. As you held him quietly that evening in the overlook, an area once dear to your heart, you contemplated fully on what he had told you.

Even though things hadn’t been the way you thought they were and Keanu had kept it from you for weeks, you couldn’t bring yourself to be mad at him.

The present outweighed the past. You couldn’t remember how you felt in that situation, and all you had now were the memories of Keanu treating you nothing but the best. He hid the truth in fear of losing you, and after learning what he’s been through, you didn’t want to be another heartbreak he’d have to endure.

So, you forgave Keanu. Giving second chances to others was difficult for you because of previous relationships, but you strongly believed it was the right thing to do when it came to him.

And you had not an ounce of regret since.

“I’m not even done with my makeup,” you giggled softly, causing Keanu to shake his head.

“You don’t need makeup,” he said, his voice filled with pure affection. “You’re beautiful without it.”

Warmth rose to your cheeks as your eyes met his radiant ones. “Well, I want to look my best. We’re celebrating a very special occasion tonight.”

Keanu shot you an incredulous look. “Turning 56 is hardly special, darling. It just reminds me how old I’m really getting.”

“Hey, 56 is far from old,” you countered, ignoring the small pout he was giving you. “If it makes you feel any better, you get sexier with age.”

“Huh, is that what you believe?”

“Yup,” you replied, winking at him. “And I’m always right.”

You didn’t miss the blush invading Keanu’s face before he dipped down and pressed his warm, sensuous lips to yours. The two of you kissed slowly, deeply, and passionately. His tongue gently probed your mouth open as your hands tightly clenched the lapels of his jacket, pulling his upper body in much closer. All coherent thoughts vanished as you lost yourself in the kiss, drowning in both his intoxicating scent and the taste of him on your lips.

Despite the burning desire for the other in the last few weeks, you and Keanu had yet to become intimate due to a mutual decision to take your relationship slow. Though as time went on, it had only gotten more challenging to control yourselves. You wanted to wait for the perfect moment, but with the way things were going now, you had an inkling that it was coming soon.

Pulling away, you heard Keanu let out a groan in frustration similar to yours. “We’ll be late for our dinner reservation.”

“Do we have to go out?” He whined. “We could just stay in, order some take-out, and watch a movie.”

“Ke, I’ve planned this night for the last two weeks,” you revealed, not sharing precisely what the evening entailed. “Trust me, you’re going to enjoy yourself.”

“I don’t even know where you’re taking me.”

Laughing, you then shifted forward again and applied the final touches to your makeup, topping it off with a thin swipe of red lipstick. “I can’t tell you because it’s part of the surprise.”

“Fine,” he playfully sulked, smoothing out the wrinkles that you had made on his clothes. “I do hope this surprise of yours is good.”

With one last glance at your reflection, you grabbed your phone nearby and checked the text you received five minutes ago.

Everyone’s here. Let me know when you’re on your way.

“Who’s that?” Keanu attempted to look over your shoulder, but before he could see anything, you had already sent a response and placed your cell inside of your bag.

“No one,” you answered nonchalantly, facing him. Your fingers then reached up at his head to fix the locks that fell out of place. For a brief moment, you studied Keanu’s face, your heart instantly fluttering as his warm and adoring chestnut-hued eyes gazed at you. You could tell that he’s in deep thought, and you wondered what he could be thinking about. “Ke?”

“Oh, sorry,” he muttered, snapping out of his momentary daze. “Shall we go?”

“Yeah, but is everything okay?”

Licking his lips, he quickly shook his head and flashed you a reassuring smile. “Of course, everything’s great. I can’t wait to see what you have planned.”

“I can’t wait either.”

“Hang on,” he called out as you started walking away, his hand slipping into yours. Turning around, you stood there as Keanu closed the gap between the two of you, quickly giving you a chaste kiss before stepping back. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Ke,” you spoke, ending the sentence with a small chuckle. “At least, not yet.”

“I know, but I just want to thank you for everything.”

Sighing contentedly, a soft smile appeared on your face. Keanu deserved a good time tonight, and you hoped that what you had planned would give him that.

---

The ride to the address you had plotted on Keanu’s GPS wasn’t too far away, but it felt as though he had been driving for a long while. He did notice how secretive you’ve been acting recently, and he guessed that this had something to do with it. You insisted he dress up nicely for the birthday dinner you had set up at an unknown venue, not divulging any further information no matter how often he pestered you.

With one hand gripping on the steering wheel while the other held yours, Keanu was relieved how normal life had turned out to be now. The two of you had finally fallen into a comforting routine. The day would usually start off with cooking breakfast together and then dropping you off at work before he headed to his. When the end of the day arrived, he would pick you up and have dinner at home. The weekends were typically reserved for romantic dates around LA, just a special time for you and him.

With a sigh, Keanu thought about how extremely grateful he was that you weren’t angry after finding out part of what had happened. You were quite forgiving of him, reminding him again of how unworthy he was of you.

It was unfortunate that he’d learned to somewhat cope with the guilt inside. To help him forget, even if it were only for a fleeting second, he would shower you with all the love and affection he had. He’d focus on the brand new moments you were creating together, pushing away the past to the back of his head and begging it would stay there until he’s ready to own up to his mistakes.

But that’s if Keanu chose to do so.

“The restaurant is just up that hill,” you pointed out eagerly, and he could feel your utter excitement as he turned up the gravelly road.

Keanu had never been to this place before, but it looked pretty nice based on the rustic exterior. Pulling up to an available spot, he noticed that there were only a few cars parked, not nearly filling up half of the lot. It was only Wednesday, and he figured the restaurant wasn’t as busy in the middle of the week.

“How did you find this?” He questioned as he turned off the engine and unbuckled his seatbelt.

“I did a lot of searching on Yelp and came across this hidden gem.”

Getting out of the car, Keanu swiftly jogged to the passenger side and opened the door for you, extending his palm out for you to take.

“And they say chivalry is dead,” you quipped as you stepped out, your hair blowing in the gentle summer breeze.

“It never kills to be a gentleman,” he returned, offering to you his arm afterwards but you held out a finger signaling him to wait. “What’s wrong?”

Quickly, you pulled out a blindfold from your purse and held it out for Keanu to see. He was confused at first until you finally explained. “I’m going to put this around your eyes before we head inside.”

Keanu furrowed his brow at you. “What’s it for?”

“It’s a surprise,” you only said before coming to stand behind him and covering his eyes with the opaque fabric in your hand. “Don’t peek or else.”

Fastening the tie’s ends securely on the back of Keanu’s head, your right hand then loosely wraps itself around his bicep, the left gently settling on his lower back. Carefully, you guided him down the path leading to the building’s entrance. He couldn’t see through the blindfold, but he could sense everything else. From the heat radiating from your soft touch to the aromatic scent of your perfume, it all resulted in the warmth spreading across Keanu’s chest.

You always had that effect on him, and he believed he would never get used to it.

Halting your movements, Keanu heard the sound of a heavy door opening, followed by silence. Slowly, you entered the restaurant, his footsteps echoing on the floorboards with each small step. The sudden quietness was unusual, but before he could ask what was going on, you untied the knot of the blindfold and peeled it away from his eyes, his vision soon adjusting to the lights inside where he recognized the beaming faces staring back at him.

“Happy birthday!” The group shouted out loud as lively music began to play through the speaker, catching him by complete surprise.

Surrounding him were his close-knit group of family and friends, some whom he hasn’t seen in a while. Hugging his mother first before moving on to his sisters, Keanu was genuinely touched by your kind gesture. He did not expect you to gather the people near and dear his heart on his birthday. Glancing to you, he saw you smiling at him.

“Surprise!” you chirped once he got through saying hello to each of the guests and finally having a minute alone with you. “I got you, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, you did,” he replied, leaning down to press a kiss on your cheek. “You planned all this?”

“Not entirely,” you said before pointing behind him. Keanu turned his head and saw her. “Molly helped me call up everyone and organize this whole get-up. But it’s my idea to surprise you with a dinner party for your birthday.”

“T-That’s sweet of you,” he stammered, his gaze returning to yours. “Thank you, Y/N. You didn’t have to do all of this.”

“Don’t sweat it, Ke. I also thought it was a great time to meet your family, too.”

“So, do you want me to introduce you to everyone?” Keanu suggested, hoping it would keep him occupied so that Molly couldn’t approach him for now, at least. It was the first time they had seen each other since that night.

“Sure,” you said with a nod, much to Keanu’s relief.

Gently, he took your hand and made his way around the room with you. Those attending knew about the accident and your amnesia, and were glad to see you were doing alright. Meanwhile, Keanu stood there beside you for the first half-hour, watching you interact with your friends and as well as his family. It helped him forget about Molly for a little bit, who was busy chatting with someone else. Although he knew she wouldn’t say anything to ruin the night for you, he was confident that she would bring the topic up to him.

When it came time to sit down and eat, Keanu was distracted enough to enjoy himself. The interior was lively, decorated with balloons, flowers, and banners. His favorite chocolate cake was displayed on a stand, a specific type that only you and he knew. It left Keanu wondering if it was merely a coincidence, or perhaps deep down, you do remember despite not even realizing it.

Sitting on his right side, you laughed at all of the stories being shared over the table, which was pure music to his ears. It warmed Keanu’s heart seeing you that way, so happy and having fun. You had gotten along with everyone quite easily and had even bonded quickly with his sisters, already scheduling a date set up for next week to have lunch in the city.

Again, life seemed normal. It was as if the fights didn’t happen, or the angry words were never exchanged. Your relationship felt like it was back at its best, where the love was at its highest.

From time to time, he would imagine how things would be if the last six months had been different. Way back then, you had brought up marriage maybe once or twice. Perhaps if Keanu hadn’t screwed up, he might have proposed by now, and you would have said yes.

But nothing lasts in this world, he reminded himself. It was the very same reason he tried to convince himself when he had hurt you.

Lost in his own thoughts, Keanu didn’t notice you whispering his name as you squeezed his thigh. “You okay?”

“I am,” he smiled, his hand reaching down to hold yours.

“Just making sure,” you added sweetly. “I’m heading to the bar to order a drink. Do you want me to get you something?”

“No, I’m good, but stay here. Let me get one for you.”

Nodding, you watched as Keanu stood up from his seat, moving the white napkin from his lap to the surface of his empty plate. “You’ll get my usual?”

“Vodka martini?” He recalled almost instantly, a flicker of a smile passing his lips.

“You know me so well,” you responded, and Keanu excused himself to head to the bar area at the back.

As Keanu waited for the drink to be made, he felt a soft tap on his shoulder, and he turned around, seeing Molly standing behind him with arms now crossed against her chest. With a sigh, his eyes fell to the ground. She had been waiting for a moment alone with him all night, and now she finally got one.

“Where’s Will?” Keanu questioned monotonously.

“Business trip. He did call you this morning to greet you, right?” The blonde replied, her piercing blue eyes studying his stance intently.

“He did,” he gruffly answered, his gaze remaining downcast. “How have you been?”

Molly exhaled deeply. “You and I both know you don’t really care for small talk, especially after what happened.”

“Can’t you just let it go?” Keanu suddenly shot a glare up at Molly to silence her. “Y/N’s finally adjusted to her new normal, and the last thing she needs is…”

“Is what Keanu? For the truth to be hidden from her? You don’t want her to find out how much you’ve really fucked up, and that’s not how you treat someone you love,” she snapped in a hushed tone. “She told me that you said the two of you were on the verge of breaking up before the car crash. Good for you telling her half the story. When are you going to tell her the rest of it?”

Gritting his teeth, Keanu met Molly’s unrelenting stare. “It’s none of your business, Molly.”

“It is my business because I was involved,” she retorted, her patience wearing out. “I understand that you care about her, and knowing her past with Eric, she’s not going to take this one lightly, unlike what you’ve already said.”

“She’s going to walk out on me if I tell her.” Keanu’s voice was low as he eventually relaxed, realizing that it was pointless to be mad. “You haven’t mentioned…?”

“Nothing,” Molly declared with a small shake of her head. “It hurts to keep that kind of a secret, Keanu. Hell, it tears me apart knowing I’m hiding one from Y/N, but she has to know soon. You can’t continue pretending that everything’s rosy when it’s not.”

“And you’re going to tell her if I don’t?” Keanu inquired, looking out into the dining room where he saw you taking pictures with his mother. She would be utterly disappointed in him if she too found out what he had done. He wasn’t raised to be this kind of person.

“Y/N’s my friend, Keanu. Friends don’t keep secrets from each other,” Molly sighed out. “I told her you were a good guy, but what you’re doing is selfish. She deserves to know the truth, and the longer you wait, the worst it’ll turn out to be. What if her memory returns all of a sudden? What are you going to do then?”

Silence. Keanu couldn’t answer because he honestly didn’t know what he would do. If your memory came back, it would be like losing you all over again…

“Just think about it. Look, I’ll give you a week to confess to Y/N or else I’m stepping in. You’ve dragged this on for far too long, but she really needs to hear this from you, not me.”

Receiving no response, Molly sauntered past him afterwards, her heels clicking across the floor, fading in the distance. Keanu stood there, frozen in front of the bar and left alone with his thoughts again. As he glanced at you from afar, all he could focus on was how unfair this situation was. He was content with the way things were now. Your loving relationship had been restored, though buried beneath it was a terrible lie.

Walking back to the table with your martini in his grasp, Keanu couldn’t see himself breaking your heart once more, but he had to do it. Molly had called him out on his selfishness, and the more he pondered about it, the more he understood where she was coming from.

“Thank you, baby,” you smiled as Keanu handed you the glass, your fingers brushing against his delicately.

“You’re welcome,” he returned, meeting your eyes.

Eyes which had yet to see the real him.

You didn’t deserve the real him.

At some point during the party, Keanu snuck out of the restaurant, the guests too tipsy to realize that the celebrant had gone missing. It had become a bit overwhelming back inside, and he needed a minute alone in peace.

The sun had finally set behind the distant mountains, bathing the entire scenery in the heavenly glow of twilight. Keanu found himself standing by the edge of the hill and admiring the view, holding a lit cigarette in his hand. Molly’s words echoed in his mind, tormenting his head and his heart as the guilt showed itself again.

He was selfish. Selfish for hiding the truth. Selfish for lying to you. Selfish for putting himself before you.

Everything he has done was for his own selfish reasons, not because he loved you. Or at least, that’s what it was beginning to feel like.

Keanu wasn’t sure if he could keep up with this charade, and now that Molly had given him one week to come clean, he knew that time was ticking. The end he dreaded was drawing near.

“Ke?”

Glancing over his shoulder, he saw you walking towards him. “What are you doing out here?”

Keanu released one last puff of grey smoke into the open air before dropping the cigarette to the ground and crushing it out. He never liked smoking whenever you were nearby. “I just was getting some fresh air.”

“You’re not a big party guy, are you?” You asked once you reached him.

“Not really,” he muttered truthfully. “What you did was very thoughtful, and I can’t thank you enough. It got a bit chaotic back there, and I needed a quick break from it.”

“That’s what happens when you have an open bar all night,” you chortled, leaning against Keanu, who slung his arm around you. “Are you sure everything’s okay?”

“Yes,” he assured, pressing a kiss to your temple. “You ask that a lot.”

“Hmm? What do you mean?”

“You ask if I’m okay a lot,” Keanu clarified.

You merely shrugged. “I become concerned because I don’t know what’s running through your mind sometimes. You tend to overthink and get lost in your own little world without even realizing it.”

“Nothing bad with that, right?”

“No,” you denied as you snuggled deeper into his side. “I only worry when you’re too quiet.”

Keanu hung his head low before you turned in his arms to face him. He attempted to mask the waves of emotions flitting across his face, not wanting to alarm you any further. He had forgotten how good you were at reading him, and he didn’t want to dampen your spirits.

But you cared so much about him. He didn’t deserve this.

“I just miss this, you know? I messed up and—”

You placed a finger on his lips, silencing him. “You don’t have to bring it up again, Ke. That was in the past, and you promised to move on. It won’t always be perfect between us, but that’s how we grow as people, right? Even though I don’t remember, I forgive you. I forgive you for the mistakes you’ve made.”

Standing there in Keanu’s arms, glossy eyes locked with his, he could feel his heart sinking at the way you looked at him as if he was your whole world.

He didn’t deserve this.

Keanu couldn’t wait a week despite wanting to. He knew by waiting, he would only be delaying the inevitable.

He was scared. Terrified, really. But he needed to rip it off like a band-aid and face his fears, the consequences.

Because he deserved it.

“There you guys are!” You and Keanu simultaneously turned your heads to see Molly waving at the two of you by the restaurant door. “The cake’s ready whenever you are.”

With a deep exhale, Keanu met Molly’s eyes and nodded at her once. Molly was a good woman, too. She didn’t deserve this either.

“I guess we should go back inside,” you chuckled once the blonde disappeared.

“I guess so,” he agreed quietly before stealing another kiss from you.

As you headed back to the restaurant, his hand holding yours, Keanu made his decision.

He planned to tell you tonight.

---

Stumbling through the front door, you headed straight to the living room and slumped down on the couch, your feet sore from the heels you wore all night. It was past midnight already, and the vodka martinis you downed were starting to wash away, though not entirely. Resting your eyes for a moment, you heard Keanu shut the door before ambling towards you.

“You want a glass of water?” He offered with a small smile, but you only shook your head.

“No, I’m good. Thank you,” you told Keanu. The muted glow emitting from the lamp on the glass side table cast soft shadows over his face, and you could stop thinking how beautiful he was.

And how he was yours. All yours.

Lazily, you patted the empty spot on your left, inviting him to sit beside you. With a low chuckle, Keanu lowered himself onto the couch, and immediately, you rested your head against his chest as he slipped an arm around your shoulders. The room was silent, save for the faint ticking of a clock in the background and the sound of his beating heart pressed to your ear.

“When did you realize you love me?” You blurted out the question that has been floating in your mind for some time now.

Keanu slightly shifted in his seat, his eyes focusing on the inquisitive expression on your face as you continued to gaze up at him. The corner of his mouth raised as you reached out for his hand and intertwined your fingers with his. Only then did you notice how perfectly they fit together.

“Three months after we started dating, you spent the night at my house for the first time,” Keanu fondly recounted as your joined hands came to lie above his chest. “I remember seeing you in the kitchen the next morning, flipping eggs in a pan while singing along to the radio. I had just gotten out of the shower, and you didn’t notice me, but I was there, watching.”

He paused briefly before lightly chuckling to himself. A smile broke over your lips as you pictured the scene he described. It nearly felt like a scene from a romantic movie, two lovers spending the early waking hours in each other’s company. You would do anything in the world just to be in that moment again.

“After soaking it all in, I realized how much I loved the woman standing there, dressed only in one of my t-shirts as she confidently belted out loud a tune off-key. I realized that no amount of money or success in the world could ever compare to the time I’ve spent with you. So, I said it. I told you that I loved you, hoping that I would have all of that— you— for the rest of my life.”

Fresh tears shimmered in your eyes, causing you to miss the subtle crestfallen look on Keanu. You felt the truth in his words; the warmth and affection laced in the voice he used to speak. This was what you wanted, a man who loves you wholeheartedly and without restraint. A man who could make you feel beautiful with merely a smile. A man who would sacrifice everything he has to take care of you.

Keanu was a man who has loved and lost. A man of great strength yet still had his own faults. He was all that you could ask for, and like he said, you hoped to have him for the rest of your life, too.

“Y/N, I—”

“I love you,” you interjected, not even realizing that you did. “I love you, Ke. I’ve been thinking about it the entire night, and right now, I’m sure of it.”

You detected Keanu’s initial surprise after hearing those three words, but the longer he remained quiet, the more you began to worry, though you didn’t know why.

Keanu loved you. He had said so multiple times.

Then why was he reacting as if it hurt hearing you tell him that?

Blinking twice, Keanu sat up, his back straightening against the couch. His face fell the slightest bit, his attention drifting to his secure hold of your hand, his grasp tightening before loosening as if he were ready to let go. “I-I…”

“What is it?” You asked, concern marring your face.

You heard him sigh heavily, watching his shoulder slump momentarily before peering at you through his dark lashes. Slowly, his expression softened along with his gaze. Eyes brimming with warmth, a small flicker of a smile passed across Keanu’s face.

“I-I never thought I would ever get to hear those words again,” he murmured, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, and you forgot about your previous uneasiness. “I love you, too.”

And just like that, you felt… complete.

Cherished.

Loved.

Loved by Keanu, equal to the way you loved him.

Heart swelling with joy, you retrieved your hand from Keanu’s and brought it up to cup the side of his face. He leaned into your touch, the bristles of his beard tickling your palm as you licked your lips. Eyes searching his while Keanu’s quickening breaths matched your own, you inched closer and closer until finally, you met him for a kiss.

The kiss was different than the ones you’ve shared before. Behind it was a new meaning, more profound and more special now after admitting that you loved Keanu. Fingers tangled in his silky hair as you deepened the kiss, your tongue slipped past his parted lips. His hands freely ran over the fabric of your dress almost possessively, sending you to a frenzied state of arousal.

Keanu pulled back without warning, and you caught a glimpse of his face as your chests heaved. Hair mussed, and lips swollen, you could see the fierce desire in his darkened eyes. It was unmistakable. He wanted this so badly, his self-control hanging on by a dangerously thin thread.

But you wanted it, too. You wanted it all. To feel it all.

Your hand drifted down to rest on his thigh, a breath hitching in your throat when you noticed the evidence of his arousal. With a soft squeeze, you then questioned Keanu, “Will you do it?”

“Do what?” Came his breathless response, unable to tear his pleading gaze away from yours.

“Will you help me remember how good it can feel?”

Quietly, Keanu carefully stood up from the couch before extending his hand out to you. Tenderly grasping it, you allowed him to pull you up on your feet. You could sense the heat radiating from his body as you stood close, feeling the warmth of his breath fanning over your cool skin.

“Are you sure?” He whispered, and you nodded.

“Yes,” you affirmed, peppering kisses along his jaw, only stopping when your lips reached his ear. “I want you, Ke. I want you to remind me of the love I once knew.”

Without another word, Keanu led you upstairs to your bedroom, where he spent the rest of the night showing you what it means to be truly loved.

Part 10

Tags: @penwieldingdreamer @fanficsrusz @toomanystoriessolittletime @awessomness @meetmeinthematinee @ringa-starr @ficsnroses @iworshipkeanureeves @keandrews @greenmanalishi @feminine-machinegun @thehumanistsdiary @lussdew @rdjloverxxx @flaminasteroid​ @danceoftwowolves​ @allie1804-fan

[news4bees]

Things I do to make my ADD/ADHD slightly more manageable.

Full disclosure: everyone is different and non-neurotypical behaviors are not a copy-paste situation. What works for me might put others in the exact opposite head space and that’s okay. I just wanted to share what I’ve learned works for me over the years. I’ve been really struggling with my ADD/ADHD lately and I need to remind myself of the healthy coping mechanisms I’ve developed so I can implement them again.

1. Have a morning routine.

Working from home as a freelance editor / publishing consultant, I have a lot of autonomy over my day. Which is great… if I make the most of it. I learned a long time ago that I am most productive in the morning, so it’s important for me to get myself into the right head space as soon as possible. I set an alarm to get out of bed at 7:00am every day, I try and go on a walk around the neighborhood first thing (weather permitting—we don’t mess around with rain or snow), I eat breakfast (usually including either coffee or tea for caffeine purposes and warmth) and take my supplements, and prep for my day. It sounds super simple, but it’s really all about inertia. A body at rest will want to stay at rest. I’ve had just as many days where everything goes according to plan and I’m able to have a productive day as days where I don’t get out of bed until I have to drag myself to my service job in the afternoon. So having that morning routine and sticking to it can honestly be a night and day difference for me.

2. Make a schedule for my day.

I have a terrible concept of time. I can look at a task, assume it’s going to take several hours, and abandon it before I even begin. Or I can see a gap of time in my day (such as the two hours between lunch and when I have to get ready for work) and be worried it’s too small of a window to accomplish anything so I lie around instead. By creating a schedule, literally an hour-by-hour layout of how I want my day to progress, I have a tactical roadmap for how to achieve my goals. I also make sure I schedule little breaks and time to eat, walk around, shower, etc. into my day so I don’t forget. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and I have to remind myself not to get upset if I end up deviating from the schedule for one thing or another. It’s mainly supposed to help me look at my day in a way that makes more sense to me and how my brain processes time. I fully understand that there are others that might see my hour-by-hour schedule and be completely overwhelmed—that’s fine! Find what works for you.

3. Set attainable little goals.

This one goes hand in hand with making myself a schedule. If I have a giant task I need to complete at a future date, I really struggle with conceptualizing it as something I need to get started on now. I see that future date, feel overwhelmed, try to calm myself down by thinking, “It’s okay, I have time,” and will sit on that task until the last minute when I have to scramble to get it done. It’s procrastination, yes, but it’s also not feeling too overwhelmed to act on something until there is that “go go go!” anxiety-inducing pressure to get it done. So I break it down into smaller pieces and set little goals. A 352 page manuscript I have to create an index for by March? Scary. But indexing one or two chapters a day? Much more doable. This also helps me accomplish non work-related tasks, such as calling the bank or scheduling appointments or canceling a subscription—things I would have trouble accomplishing on my own otherwise because my I have trouble differentiating between “important” and “immediate”. Goals don’t have to be solely task oriented either. Set a goal to reach out to a friend you haven’t connected with in a while; set a goal to meditate for fifteen minutes, or be intentional about doing something you love like reading or art or exercise. Personally, the more things I can check off my “to-do” list the better, so I write out everything I want to try and get done, even if I would have done it regardless.

4. Keep distractions out of reach.

This one is extremely tricky for me since I work exclusively out of my room since I moved back home. I’m always surrounded by distractions, from my phone to my bookshelves to the dozens of internet tabs I constantly have open on my laptop. I have little tricks I know work for me: keeping my phone on the charger in a different room (but close enough that I can still connect to the Bluetooth), leaving the book I’m currently reading and the journal where I write my fiction in my work bag downstairs, blocking YouTube and other distracting sites from my laptop, and making my bed each morning so I’m not tempted to crawl under the covers when I’m feeling burnt out. But knowing these things will help eliminate distractions and actually implementing these techniques are two very different things for me. As I write this, my phone is on the charger next to me, my fiction journal is within easy reach and I have corresponding document opened in another tab, none of my site-brokers are enabled, and my bed is a mess of cozy blankets—all major distractions for me that I’m blatantly ignoring. So what can I do about this? Set a new goal: move my phone and journal out of the room, close unnecessary tabs, re-engage the site blockers, and make my bed. Little things to reset my headspace and get back on track.

5. Have an accountability buddy.

While freelancing gives me a lot of personal freedoms, it also means I function as my own boss. Some people might enjoy such responsibility, but I personally really struggle when I’m not constantly checking in with someone and showing them my progress. An accountability buddy doesn’t need to function like a micro-managing boss, but they should be someone you can go to and say, “Here’s what I set out to do today and here’s what I accomplished.” Currently, I do not have a good accountability buddy (my ex was my accountability buddy when we were together during my last semester at college, but he often criticized me for only working in short sprints and needing to take a lot of breaks, so I’ve been really hesitant to trust another person in that role ever since), but my mom often lets me inform her about my goals and will share some of her’s in turn; my dad and sister on the other hand get uncharacteristically angry when I ask about goals, so I’ve learned to steer clear. Mirroring is also a common strategy for ADD/ADHDers. The visual stimulation of seeing someone else working can often be a bit of a jumpstart to my brain that says, “Okay, it’s time to do things.” In the old days, this meant I would spend hours in the library or at coffee shop doing my homework instead of my apartment because I was surrounded by others with similar tasks. Now, if I find myself needing a mirror I’ll move my operation to the kitchen table so that I’m closer to where my mom works and I can feed off her productive energy, so to speak.

6. Give myself grace.

Whenever I have an unproductive day, my first instinct is to be angry or upset at myself. What kind of person spends the entire day in bed and doesn’t get a single thing done? This would lead me down a self-deprecating path of calling myself useless and a garbage person, which is a big trigger for my depression and I can easily find myself spiraling. ADD/ADHD means my brain functions differently, but at the end of the day my brain still works. It doesn’t mean I’m stupid or lazy, and a bad day doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. My schedule and my list of goals are a template to help me focus, but if something happens that gets me off task, whether intentional or unintentional, I have to remind myself that it is not the end of the world. I have to give myself grace and forgiveness, because things happen.

I’d be really interested to hear what other strategies people have developed to manage their ADD/ADHD, especially in the midst of a pandemic that might have altered the way we approach our days. Keep being awesome!

[astyle-alex]

[FanFic] Start with Why | the Old Guard

You’d think, eventually, the excitement of posting a new chapter of something would simmer down a bit, especially when the chapter’s already live on other platforms, but nope. I’m still hyped up to share it here!

Start With Why

Fandom: the Old Guard Pairings: Background Nicky x Joe Characters / Focus: OT5 + Copley, reacting to Booker's betrayal Rating: Gen Audiences Warnings: None (well, language, because the team are all quite colorful) Total Word Count: 10,288 Chapter Word Count: 1,757

Summary:

The thing about betrayal is that it hurts. Sometimes it hurts too much to see the broader situation clearly. But after Booker's betrayal, the team has to look at themselves and see how every one of them is culpable. Booker may have done the deed, but his measly 200 years makes him a child to the others, especially Andy, and like babysitters are to blame when their charge sets the curtains on fire, the Family needs to ask themselves WHY and accept the honest answers. Why Copley, Why Merrick, and Why something made Booker believe that his choice was the right one for his Family...

-----

||  Read on Patreon  |  Read on Ao3  ||

Part III :: Nicky

           Nicky holds the middle ground.

           He provides a more ranged variety of support.

           It is the role he’s always had, the one he’s always volunteered for.

           He can be cold and objective when he needs to be, no matter what’s at stake.

           But this is a test like no other that he’s faced.

           He hurts for his little Family, for every member of it.

           Booker is his brother and yet he hurt the rest of them— hurt them acutely and intentionally in a way that he had to know would sting like nothing else ever could.

           And yet… Book is hurting so much as that and more, so lost in the despair as he was to have been unable to see things with any hint of clarity.

           Andy says he truly thought it would help.

           Nile says he never thought the others would be grabbed, that he’s worried for Nicolò and Yusuf’s future and the potential pain they’d face when the Almighty that brought them together eventually tore them apart.

           Joe is still too hurt and heartbroken to say anything he truly means.

           And Nicky doesn’t know where that leaves him. Where that leaves them, both the two of them and the four of them… and even the five of them, to be honest.

           Eventually, the argument lapses into silence, weighted and thick with too much grief to sort through the varied points of origin.

           Nicky stands.

           Joe nearly falls out of his seat as he stands to step in front of him— bodily barring his way toward Booker with a kind of heart-broke desperation that makes Nicky nearly crumble.

           And yet…

           Nicolò di Genova does not back down.

           Such is not a trait within his nature. His gaze is filled with sympathy as it meets Joe’s own despairing and betrayed one, but he does not back down.

           Yusuf is Nicolò’s heart and soul, his whole reason for being better than he was— for being a person who could overcome what Booker had not— but Yusuf is not all he is. Yusuf is not the piece of him that defines the limits of what he can be, but the start of his potential. He and Yusuf are still discrete entities, even after eons, they are their own people bound by Fate and love and history, but not merged in any way that makes their love banal or any less miraculous.

           They are not two halves of one whole.

           They are two hearts that beat in sync, two souls that sing in harmony, two minds that see and feel and know enough to teach each other— to show each other new things and new perspectives even after centuries of being in this world together.

           Joe cannot see what Nicky does, and Nicky won’t let his place at Joe’s side determine his ultimate loyalties without his own past-due evaluation.

           Nicky stares Joe down, implacable, until his lover deflates enough to sag back into his seat— heaving Nicky’s pseudo-betrayal off with a huff as he keeps his back firmly to the window.

           Nicky rests his elbows on the rail beside Booker and waits in silence until Book looks over at him— having heard the door open and braced himself for something louder and more final than a quiet conversation with Nicky.

           Nicky doesn’t deliver final verdicts.

           He’ll explain them if the initial delivery doesn’t get the message properly across, but he does not report the sentence first of all.

           If Nicky has a verdict for you, you’ll find it out when he’s put a bullet in your brain.

           Nicky also doesn’t ask. He demands the answers he seeks when he knows who has them.

           But here, he doesn’t know any questions that he actually wants to have answered, yet.

           He just wants Booker to explain, wants in turn to explain himself to Booker… because they are a Family, and none of them can possibly exist in true isolation.

           Book is the one who made the bad decision, but the rest of them are not absolved of all responsibility, as they were all party to creating what bleak circumstances Booker faced, to creating what dismay he believed was enough to push him into making his horrid choice.

           Nicky waits for Booker to speak his Truth, waits with his eyes on the restless sea.

           “I am so sorry, Nicky,” Booker says, looking at him with imploring eyes.

           “I cannot give you absolution, Basti,” Nicky tells him, gaze still on the ocean. “And I cannot yet bring my own self to forgive you, no matter what reasons you bring to bear.”

           Booker falls silent, defeated like a kicked dog.

           “We failed you too, however, in letting you face your despair as we did,” Nicky tells him after a long moment of solemn contemplation. “We failed you in how we brought you into our Family, failed you every bit as much as we’ve ever failed the civilians that we cannot save. But we also did not pull the trigger on this, as you did, and I am finding it difficult to reconcile such divisive and complementary guilts.”

           They always think of Joe as the one to give the pretty speeches, and his Yusuf certainly deserves the epithet, but Nicky appreciates those speeches not because he is incapable of wielding words himself, but because he is more economical with how he states his feelings.

           He pulls no punches, leaves no ambiguity.

           When he is confused, he says so, and when he’s not he states it clear.

           “Yusuf is my heart, my soul, my mind’s only true peace,” Nicky tells his little brother with the cool detachment of age and sympathy. “We have let you bear 200 years of misery and let ourselves forget, nigh even then, how truly young you still are. Nile helped me to remember it, her saying how you had called her so young. A ‘neighbor with a dead pet’, she said. It goes for comfort, too, Basti— it goes for certainty and calm.”

           “You’ve never been a father, Nicky, even as old as you are,” Booker pleads, half frantic to have his reasons reconciled. He wants to be clear, to give himself over unto the others’ understanding, to be heard and truly listened to… He is desperate for it, desperate to be understood, in a way Nicky has, unforgivably, realized he hadn’t the patience to fully see before.

           “And you’ve never had a love grow warm inside you over eons, to feel the Faith in Truth it brings,” Nicky replied, not ceding any ground.

           Booker bites his tongue— cutting off what was sure to be a sour retort, a snap of love turned too bitter to bear. Of trust that feels betrayed as what he feels should be a valid point is just summarily dismissed.

           “You loved them very much, your wife and children,” Nicky states, confident that his words will not be taken as any kind of understatement. “You loved them until it consumed you like a fire, as you believe Yusuf and I love. But you are still so young in how you see things if you think the love either of us has could ever die with the ones to whom we give it.”

           Booker blinks, equal parts surprised and hurt, Nicky thinks.

           “Your family hurt you at their end,” Nicky goes on, “They levied accusations, and you have let yourself descend to meet them. This man beside me is not the one they loved while living, and you do them disservice by believing you could become the monster that they made you. Their love is pure and powerful, tainted only by mortal concerns that I have Faith their immortal souls regret. But if they were first to meet you now, they would not be able to abide it.”

           Booker is retreating, sliding away from Nicky, inch by inch, along the rail.

           “If Yusuf dies, I will despair,” Nicky confesses. “I will ravage lands and wreck vengeance on all villains I can find, killing countless in his name. But the grief will ebb in the face of what good I can still do in his name, what good I can lay claim to having had his heart inspire. It will hurt, and I cannot bear to think of what horrors I may commit at the apex of it, but I cannot believe I will forget the goodness of my Yusuf, the good-work he had, in all his life, strove to create. I cannot believe I will dishonor my own love for him by failing to carry his work on.”

           “ ‘This is what we do’, you say,” Book says with a keening sort of hollow voice. “It’s a mantra, not true belief. You want to believe it, but you have no proof and you want it.”

           “You say Copley has proof, say you’ve seen it, yet you do not believe any more than I that what we do day to day affects things,” Nicky counters. “It is a mantra, and it is belief. The belief is more robust on some days than on others, but there is nothing that will break my Faith. I am a thousand years old, Basti, and the world has been awful for every single one of the years I’ve lived. But there are people who have lived longer lives because of my presence in the horrors of their worst moments, and I have found a way to let that be enough.”

           Booker doesn’t speak— can’t speak.

           Nicky turns his gaze away, looking back to the violent roll of the ocean waves.

           “Tell me why, Booker,” he demands, voice soft and smooth and inescapable. “Tell me what it is you want. Tell me what will help you, or will help me see you.”

           Booker half-collapses.

           “I don’t have excuses left,” he manages eventually. “I don’t have good reasons, or bad ones…. Or anything. I don’t have anything. Just the grief and the regret.”

           “You have us,” Nicky promises simply. “I cannot forgive you yet, but I can promise you that my inability is due only to the freshness of this hurt. You will be forgiven and welcomed back into the Family with no further stipulations, once you have paid your penance.”

           “I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve you.” Booker knows Nicky cannot disagree.

           But he feels his test of faith has been suddenly decided.

           “Love does not care what you deserve,” Nicky says pushing off the rail to return to where the others wait inside for his assessment.

- - - - -

||  Read on Patreon  |  Read on Ao3  ||

[pepperidgefarmremembers]

I figure I might as well post this chapter here as well.  I’ve been in quarantine too long.

Like others say, I don't own Avatar: The Last Airbender. Bummer.

Intimacy

Inside the dining hall, the air is thick and damp. Katara leans into Aang's shoulder as a moment of peace floods her senses. She noticed how she felt with her new husband, overflowing with joy. She hoped this feeling would last forever. She and the airbender were surrounded by friends and family in her home of the Southern Water Tribe. A sea of blues and whites worn by their wedding guests crowded her view. She sighed deeply, resting further into Aang's shoulder. She continued to watch her party guests laugh, eat, and drink too much. She noticed her brother Sokka eating two plates of food, both with a different assortment of items. She laughed to herself, feeling very warm and flushed from her head to her toes. She remembered she had indulged in a lot of food and wine as well.

Aang's hand came up to rest upon Katara's head, lightly running his fingers through her hair. The waterbender's scent of citrus was the best smell in the world to him. He noticed the unsteadiness of his wife, chuckling to himself remembering how she thought she could keep up with Sokka's wine drinking. "I think you may need a lot of water and more bread", Aang said with a smile. All Katara could muster was a mumble of "I'm finer than almost everyone here. I'm not Zuko who threw up almost immediately after dinner. I can handle some wine. I'm fiiiiiine." Sokka took notice of his heavily tipsy sister and began to walk in her direction. Without tact or subtly, Sokka laughed "Katara, you're supposed to be the responsible one! Aang, how could you let this happen?" Aang opened his mouth to speak but was suddenly overshadowed by his wife's loud voice. "Sokka, I'm not Aang or anyone's responsibility! I can take care of myself! I'm fine and if you've forgotten, it's my wedding! I'd say you would know what that's like but you're taking your sweet time asking Suki to marry you!" Aang tightly closed his eyes, wishing he could melt out of his seat and vanish. Sokka frowned at Katara and crossed his arms. He spoke barely above a whisper "Hey, you don't have to go that far. I thought you would lighten up after some wine but you're still a wet blanket." He promptly walked away, sliding past Suki and out of the dining hall.

Aang straightened up in his seat and turned his face towards Katara. "Hey, let's go look at the water". She nodded and followed the airbender out of the party, holding his hand the whole way. Once the waterbender felt the icy breeze on her face, she exhaled into the night's air. Her husband interlaced his fingers with hers, walking until they reached the point where ice meets water. She leaned hard into her husband as he carefully pulled them down to sit on the ice. After a few moments of silence, she slipped her shoes off and dipped her feet into the frigid water. She breathed fully and slowly, noticing a rush of cold replacing the heat built up in her body. She felt clear headed and suddenly remembered her conversation with Sokka at their reception. She turned towards her husband and let out a groan. "I'm so ashamed, Aang. I always get over emotional and say the wrong thing. This was supposed to be a fun night. I'm sorry I ruined it." He pulled her close in a tight embrace, her face resting on his chest. "You're not over emotional, Katara. You feel your emotions strongly, but that's not a bad thing. That's why I love you." She spoke without moving from his chest, "Really?" "Really," he said, "but, maybe apologizing to Sokka wouldn't hurt either". She looked up at his face, sharing a smile with her husband. He continued, "I don't think feeling emotions is bad, but expressing emotions without thinking about how they make others feel can be hurtful. I think all of our friends have been where you are." She hugged him while resting her head on his chest.

Coming from the side of the dining hall, Sokka walked over to Katara and Aang. While he walked, he stared at the sea with his muscles tight around his face. Katara heard his footprints in the snow and turned around to see her brother, placing her feet back in her shoes. Before the words could form on her lips, Sokka held his hand up to speak. "Katara, I was being a jerk in there. To both you and Aang. I think I was a little jealous that my little sister got married before me." Katara's mouth hung open at the apology, stunned for a few moments. She held her brother's hand, "Thank you, Sokka. There really was no reason for me to react like that. I guess I felt like the one time I could not be "the mom" and act like everyone else, here you come along to make me feel guilty. I know you were just joking." Her brother sat down next to her and spoke firmly, "Yeah, but it was a bad joke. I should've just let you have a good time. I don't want you to ever feel ashamed to let loose. You deserve it for all the times you kept us alive and safe". The siblings smiled at each other.

The three of them stared into the water, letting the silence wash over them for a few moments. Katara wrapped her arms around her husband, radiating with joy. She turned to look at Aang, "Thank you for being so forgiving with me. I always forget how mature you are for your age. I love you." The airbender said, "I love you, too. I hope you can forgive yourself. You know, this has been the happiest day of my life, second to when you found me five years ago. Your compassion brought me back to the world, twice. I hope you continue to feel your emotions because I don't know where I'd be without you." He kissed her softly on her lips. Sokka groaned, "Oogies! You had to ruin a perfect family moment." She whipped her head around to glare at her brother, "If anyone deserves endless oogies tonight, it's us!". Sokka smiled widely at his sister and his brother-in-law, "Okay, okay, you're right. Oogies are acceptable tonight only. Think of it as a wedding gift". Katara and Aang both rolled their eyes. The new husband and wife stood up and turned towards each other. "Come on, Aang, let's go take advantage of our wedding gift", she said with a smile. Her brother screamed and covered his ears, "Ughh! You just love torturing me don't you?" The couple laughed, both wanting to freeze this moment in time.

[johannstutt413]

(requested by anonymous)

Bison felt the mass of Swire’s spinning spike-wheel of death fly over his head as he ducked behind his shield to block the hit coming for him; the yelp from his attacker told him how that went for the poor Reunion bastard he was fighting. “Thanks,” he called behind him.

“Anytime!” She yelled back. “Left side!”

“On it!” He knocked the incoming assailant to the ground and gave them a solid thwack with the bottom of his shield. As he lifted his shield up again, however, a premonition struck him; rather than wait to confirm it, Bison turned and dashed at Swire, tackling her as a blast of Arts fire splashed the ground behind them.

She looked up at him. “Thanks, Bison.”

“Of course.” He hopped up and helped her to her feet in time to see the caster responsible get shot through the head with one of Provence’s bolts. “I think that’s the last of them. We should be able to finish guiding the cargo without any more trouble.”

“I’ll let the team lead know. Ow!”

Bison was still by her side. “What’s wrong?”

“I think I knocked something out of place.” She sighed. “Better than having my head burned off, but try to be a little more gentle next time, okay?”

“I’ll try,” he blushed, something in his brain focusing on the “next time” part of her rebuke.

-

A few days later, back at Rhodes Island, there was a knock on Swire’s door. “It’s open!”

“Good afternoon, Miss Swire.” To her surprise, Bison walked in, a sheepish grin on his face as he set a cup of coffee on her desk. “How have you been?”

“Well enough, considering the state of everything. You know, I’ve been meaning to tell you - the other day, when you knocked me out of the way of that attack, you also knocked one of my ribs back into place from an operation awhile back. I haven’t been this flexible in a while, so thanks for that. And the coffee, too, while I’m at it. What’s the occasion?”

He shrugged, a little color coming to his cheeks. “Nothing particular. I heard through the grapevine you like coffee, and since I was on break, I thought I’d swing by and bring you some.”

“Really?” She smiled at him. “Well, that’s sweet of you. What do I owe you?”

“Huh? Nothing.”

Swire cocked her head. “Nothing?”

“It’s on me,” Bison replied. “Why would you need to pay me back?”

“Well, you have to have some reason for coming in and giving me a free cup of coffee, right?”

His blush fully blossomed. “It means being able to talk with you, so that’s all I need out of it.”

“Oh?...Oh!” She giggled. “Sorry, I’ve been in this office too long already. Go ahead and take a seat. I need to take a break, anyway, or I’ll forget again.”

“Do you forget to take breaks often?”

Swire sighed. “So much work, so little time. Between managing Lungmen’s accounts and training for half of all of Rhodes Island, it’s a lot to keep track of.”

“There is a lot of paperwork when it comes to the economic side of things,” he agreed, absentmindedly glancing over her papers from the other side of her desk. “Actually, um...forgive me, I know you said this was going to be a break, but I think there’s an error in your numbers.”

“Huh? Where?”

Bison pointed to the digit in question. “That should be a 9, not a 5, shouldn’t it? Considering you’re doing the numbers for a whole city, not just the tax income?”

“You’re right, but the math is right...Hang on a minute.” She started shuffling through papers. “If that’s true, then...ah-hah! See? These are our numbers from last month.”

“They’ve got the same problem. My dad and I had to track down an embezzler working for us once; if you want, I’ll help you track them down, if that’s what’s happening?”

Swire smiled at him again. “You will?”

“Of course!” He grinned back. “And I’ll make sure we have plenty of coffee while we work.”

“I like the sound of this a lot. Alright, I’ll worry about my break later; for now, let me grab some more records, and we’ll see how far we can trace this...”

-

Nearly two weeks of side-by-side coffee-fueled investigation later, and they’d found the culprit and reported him to the next person in Swire’s chain-of-command. To celebrate their victory, and the raise she’d gotten out of the ordeal, she invited Bison out to dinner at an inexpensive but well-regarded restaurant. It wasn’t really the food either of them were there for, anyway.

“Congratulations for a job well done,” she grinned at him from across the table, swirling a glass of wine in her hand. “I would never have noticed that on my own, you know.”

“It was a two-person problem at least. Honestly, the amount of work you have on your plate just isn’t fair; you more than deserved the raise even if you hadn’t caught this guy.”

Swire shook her head. “We caught him together, Bison, and I’m just doing what I have to do for Lungmen. You know how our city is.”

“It does need all the help it can get,” he sighed, “but you still shouldn’t have to bear all that alone.”

“I wouldn’t say shouldn’t...but it would be nice to have someone to share the load with.” She looked him in the eye meaningfully.

Bison held out his off hand - the one that wasn’t busy spinning long noodles around a fork. “You keep our city safe, and I’ll make sure our companies keep it healthy...if you’ll let me help with your family’s affairs, that is.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” She took his hand and squeezed it. “They’ll be your family, too, when the time’s right. You’re sure you don’t mind our...um...”

“Age is a number, and even in business numbers aren’t everything. Besides, most of the younger girls I know don’t understand me nearly as well.”

Swire giggled. “Their loss, I suppose.”

“And my gain.” He sighed. “I don’t want to let go, but we really do need to finish our meal.”

“We’ll have some time to ourselves later, anyway,” she winked as she released his hand.

Bison chuckled, raising his wineglass of sparkling cider. “Right, dessert. Here - a toast to Lungmen’s finest, and to the rest of the people she works with.”

“Cheers.” *Clink*

[levaer]

THE BIG BLEACH HC MEME centering around politics, repost & fill out! For anyone who wanted to explore those aspects more, considering it played a big role in the story. Some things may be unknown to your Muse, just think in WHAT IF then & well, have fun and take your time!

BASICS

Name:   Askin Nakk Le Vaar    / / /    Age:   1000+    / / /    Gender:   Cis male Race:   Shinigami / Quincy / Hollow / Fullbringer / Visored / Human / Other Currently lives:   Soul Society / Hueco Mundo / Silbern / Living World / Hell  Exact Location:   Half of his life is set in the Wandenreich. Post-war, his location varies. Group(s): Quincy / Sternritter / Schutzstaffel

QUESTIONS

- Would your muse consider themselves more: GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL ? - Would your muse consider their group more: GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see them: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see their race: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ? - How does your muse think others see their group: GOOD / EVIL / NEUTRAL ?

- Is your muse considered a threat: YES / NO ?  From whom?:  No, because I hc that the Shinigami aren’t actually aware Askin survived; if they knew, however, there’s the possibility he’d be deemed a threat.  - Is your muse powerful: YES / NO ?  Could they be considered OP:  YES / NO ? - Did your muse commit any crimes: YES / NO ? - Does your muse think they are doing mostly the right thing: YES / NO ? - Would society think the same: YES / NO / MIXED OPINIONS ?

- Does your muse think they are treated unfairly: YES / NO ? - Does your muse feel understood from others: YES / NO ? - Is it important for them what others think of them as a person: YES / NO ? - Would they welcome death:  YES / NO ? - Will they ever find peace:  YES / NO ?

01.0.  Do they fully stand behind the group they are part of? YES / NO. Why is that? Explain: Askin likes to think he’s rootless, and that’s true for the most part, but he’s still a human being. He was rootless enough to drop everything he knew, his entire world, and embark on a journey with a blurry destination - but not enough not to feel a little bit of sense of belonging to the Wandenreich, which he has been serving for over a thousand years, and for the Quincy as a whole. They’re not all good or bad, they’re people; he’s not all good or bad, either. But they’re his people, a part of his, even if not aloud, acknowledges this.

02.0.  Do they like as things are in Soul Society? YES / NO / INDIFFERENT. 02.1.  Is there anything they would change? Explain here: Askin is not one to judge. He would not condemn the many for the sins of the few, but ... he would not forgive the few for the sins of the many, either. He’s not too informed about the specific dynamics of Soul Society, though he’s familiar with the violent foundation of it since he fought against the first generation of the Gotei, during the First Quincy War. Let’s say, he would not change anything in particular, but he would not mind if all got wiped away, either. 

03.0. Would they ever actively try to bring change (in general)? YES / NO. 03.1. Is your muse more: passive / active ?  Introverted / Extroverted ? 03.2. Does your muse care more about: others / themselves ?  / /  all of Askin’s life has been projected on someone else’s dream. Ultimately, he looks after himself, but he led a strongly collective life for so long, it kinda shaped him. 03.3. Do they trouble their mind over a lot of problems, others? YES / NO. 03.4. Do they mostly involve: the world / everyone / themselves / comrades / friends / family / elderly / kids / teenagers / home / workplace / strangers / souls / humans / quincy / shinigami / nobles / fullbringer / visored / hollows / espada / arrancar / (former) boss(es) / pets / animals / zanpakuto spirit / enemies / partner / lovers / soul king / god / other…(add more) 03.5. Name (up to) three which are the most on their mind (optional, adding names): Askin has a tendency not to hold onto anything. His own thoughts feel light as clouds to him as they cross his minds, and he’s definitely not the type to obsess over something or someone. After the war, Urahara Kisuke has been on his mind for a while; mostly, he wondered whether he had succeeded in taking him down. Grimmjow too; I think, especially for a Quincy, the feeling of a Hollow’s claws is not something easily forgotten.  

04.0. Do they think frequently about politics? YES / NO / SOMETIMES. Why is that? Explain: More frequently than he would like to, actually. His social background demanded of him at least some basic knowledge of the feudal system, administration and interrelations with other Quincy families and with the central power of the Carolingian empire. That said, Askin never let himself got too involved, but growing up witnessing his lord father administering justice, taxes, law-making etc. kind of left an imprinting. He spent a thousand years serving as a soldier in an army where all the power was intensely centralized, so he did not have much to do with politics - that’s how the Wandenreich was, as Yhwach really wasn’t a politician, anyway. Post-war though, if he contributes to the reformation of a Quincy nation, he will have to get involved whether he likes it or not.

05.0. How do they feel in their current location: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ? 05.1. Why is that?:  Silbern gives him vertigo. He preferred the instability of the Lichtreich more, but still, he’s not one to complain. The world of the living is as colorful as he remembers, always shapeshifting, and it’s really nice to see the light blue sky again after being hidden in the shadows for so long.

06.0. Does your muse have any goal: YES / NO ?  BIG / SMALL ? - 06.1. Does it involve anything world-changing: YES / NO ? - 06.2. If goal or not, any future plans? Share here:  You know how Askin is, he goes where the wind takes him. He only ever committed once in his life and it wasn’t even to a dream of his own, it was Yhwach’s design, so it would be really unkind to ask him to think about the future haha. In my rebuild verse, any plans for his immediate future involve making himself useful to the new Quincy state. Best way to keep himself occupied.

07.0. Does your muse know about the Original Sin of Soul Society*: YES / NO ? * curious? Read about it here. 07.1. If they knew, would it change their views on Soul Society: YES / NO ? 07.2. More: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ?  / /    I’m not sure Askin would care to the point of completely changing his opinion on Soul Society, since it’s already a pretty negative one. It would feel somewhat eerie to him, thinking that the victim of the original sin was Yhwach’s literal father, though.

08.0. Who is the worst person in their eyes?:  Mayuri Kurotsuchi. 08.1. What should happen to them?  Execution (quick / slow death) / Imprisonment / Stripped of their powers / Torture / Repay for their sins / Pay a Fine / Social Work / lose their loved ones / Exile / other… (add more). 08.2. Explanation: he’d kill Mayuri off quickly, as one gets rid of a thorn. It wouldn’t be a painless death, but it wouldn’t take too long; Askin is not a sadist by nature, and he would just want to make sure the bastard doesn’t take one more breath in the world.

09.0. Thoughts on: Quincy Massacre if they knew: POSITIVE / NEGATIVE / NEUTRAL ? 09.1. Would they be alright with such thing happening again: YES / NO / INDIFFERENT ? 09.2. Would they try to prevent it: YES / NO / DEPENDS ? 09.3. Explanation:  I said this already, the Quincy genocide is a generational trauma for the Quincy, even those too young to be born at the time. Askin is unmoved by most things, but he witnessed with his own eyes those of his kind that were captured and killed and experimented on.  It’s something you just don’t forget, and Askin doesn’t forget easily anyway. If such a thing were to happen again, and lbr there’s a possibility since the numbers of the Quincy are always carefully monitored, Askin would fight, despite his general dislike for overall idea.

10.0. Would they ever switch sides: YES / NO ?  10.1. If yes, What could bring them to do so?:    - 10.2. Would they create a new one: YES / NO ?  or join a current one? If so, which:  Until his defeat, Askin’s allegiance is to Yhwach and betraying him / switching sides like some Sternritters did is off the table. After the war, however, he’s free of bonds, so if someone were to try and gain his loyalty, he’d consider it. He doesn’t fuck with Soul Society, though.

11.0. Does your muse follow a certain moral code*?:  YES / NO / GRAY AREA ? * (ethics) A written, formal, and consistent set of rules prescribing righteous behavior, accepted by a person or by a group of people. 11.1. What does it involve?: it’s more of what’s in his character than a real set-up code, he’s not so chivalrous. He lives by the principle of letting people live their lives without prying and being chill, mostly.  11.2. What does it NOT involve?: Askin is not a sadist, although he can be a real bastard if he commits to it. He has no problem killing, no matter how gruesomely, but he’s not entirely comfortable with harming children. He’s also not a creep lol, he wouldn’t give someone unwanted attention. 

YOUR MUSE’S VIEWS / OPINIONS ON THESE GROUPS ?

Central 46:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because: the core of Soul Society executive functions, and by extension, the most fucked up.

Four Great Noble Clans:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because: he’s not knowledgeable enough about the specifics of Soul Society politics to have an opinion on its nobility. Askin is nobility too, after all. 

Royal Guards / Gotei 13:   positive / negative / neutral .   ━   because: they’re the ones primarily responsible for the genocide, the ones Askin fought against during the first and the second war, the ones who reinforce the violent supremacy of Shinigami and who openly oppose his people. 

Fullbringer:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  doesn’t really know them, doesn’t care. A human with hollow-based abilities is somewhat of an abomination in the eyes of a Quincy, I believe, but Askin is an open-minded person.

Visored:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  Shinigami AND Hollows? Ew.

Espada:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  his only experience with an Espada in canon was Grimmjow, and it’s a tricky subject. He’s never come in contact with Aizen’s whole elite, so not much of an opinion could be formed.

Quincy:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  he’s a Quincy. It doesn’t matter how disconnected Askin might feel from his people, he devoted his entire life to the Quincy as a group, though indirectly. Askin has a cynical and disenchanted look on the world, he doesn’t buy into the romanticized concept of ‘Quincy pride’, but at the end of the day, he remains a Quincy. The millenary story of his people, their culture and powers are integral to Askin’s upbringing. He thinks he’s rootless, but he’ll never be able to uproot the Quincy in him.

YOUR MUSE’S VIEWS / OPINIONS ON THESE (IMPORTANT) PEOPLE ?

Aizen:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  he knows Aizen by reputation alone, as one of the Five Special War Powers; he’s been told the guy is a real asshole, but Askin doesn’t judge. 

Yhwach:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  Yhwach is awe-inspiring. The sense of wonder he got Askin to feel, unmoved by the passing of centuries, is the closest thing to feeling really alive he ever experienced in his life. It’s not that Askin is loyal to Yhwach himself; he’s loyal to that deep-seated feeling of wonder, the thrill of diving into the sea without knowing what’s awaiting under the surface.

Mayuri:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  his gratuitous cruelty and the horrible things he did to Quincies viscerally nauseate Askin. And you know it takes a lot to upset him.

Kurosaki:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  he’s just a boy. Why is everyone obsessed with this boy? 

Soul King:   positive / negative / neutral.   ━   because:  Askin is, and always has been, quite divorced from religion. He knows the guy is literally God. He knows Pernida and Gerard are directly linked to him, parts of him, and that Yhwach is his son but ... that’s about it. 

EXTRA(optional): add more characters which hold some meaning to your muse.

Grimmjow:   This is largely self-indulgent, but being (almost) killed by Grimmjow was like catching an disease you have been vaccinated against. The illness is meeker, sort of slowed down, but you feel the clash with the vaccine within your veins, you feel it distinctively. For one who lives between life and death, the experience Grimmjow gave him, that of a frozen instant in which he’s both alive and dead, is something Askin will never forget. He will never forget the feeling. 

CONGRATS, you managed till to the end, now tag your fellow bleach partners!

TAGGED BY: myself, @senboago​ and @tatarfora​ TAGGING: steal it.

[gallantgautier]

Ooc, what are Sylvains most positive traits and strengths?

ooc: I’m so sorry this took me forever to answer, I got distracted. And when the mun gets distracted they forget about things sitting in their inbox. But considering the sheer amount of Sylvain angst I’ve been writing, both in threads and in meta, I feel now is a good time to get into this. Under a cut that I stealth edited in because this got long.

Strangely, this topic is actually a little harder to talk about than his flaws, and it probably has a lot to do with the fact that those flaws are so deeply intertwined with the positive aspects of his character that, as far as examination goes, they get overshadowed by the act of actually unravelling his personality to get to them, it’s what makes Sylvain such an interesting character, really.

That, and I think one of Sylvain’s biggest strengths of character is that, despite it all, despite his disillusions, insecurity, bitterness and inner conflict, he doesn’t let it completely consume him.

Let’s briefly touch on a big aspect of Sylvain Meta I have been focusing on a lot lately, both in previous character examinations and in my head because damn if the bug hasn’t bitten me hard. I won’t get too much into it, there’s a whole lot over here if you’re interested, but it focuses on the negative and that’s not what we’re doing today.

Miklan.

All that stuff considered; it would be so easy for Sylvain to hate Miklan. (He says he does. He doesn’t.) It would be so easy for him to hate the world, and I suppose he does in a way. He hates the world that’s put so much stock into Crests and those who bare them. In general, it would be so easy for Sylvain to hate everything and lash out.

Yet he doesn’t.

Now, an argument can be made that he lashes in, and he does, in a big way. It results in his interactions with people – mainly women – being fake. It results in his lack of trust in people in general, evidenced in that, if we don’t include Byleth seeing as they can reach S rank in all their supports across avatar gender choice, Sylvain only has four supports that go higher than B. Only two of those go to A+, and they’re both with people he’s known all his life.

And yet, Sylvain is very genuine in his friendships. Sure, there’s a colouring of playing around, and while he may not fully trust other people in his life he calls friends and may never let them see the person underneath, he cares and it shows.

I present to you exhibit A; his support with Bernadetta.

Now, this is a subject we’re probably all close to, receiving praise for your writing is forever going to be awkward, but we can see in this conversation that he isn’t just saying “Yeah! This is really good!” Sylvain makes a point of highlighting the details he enjoyed, and more importantly, why he enjoyed them. He also states in his letter that he hopes he inspires Berie to write more, and when we consider how little Sylvain thinks of himself, it’s hard to imagine that he’d think of his opinions as ‘inspirational.’ We can conclude, then, that Sylvain is sharing his thoughts not because he thinks anyone would be interested in hearing them, rather that he thinks having them heard will help.

Let’s move on to his second positive trait. He’s very insightful.

Now, we all know he’s smart, way smarter than he’d like to let anyone think. We see this easily in his supports with Annette, not just how easily he understands the text she’s studying, but also his recognition that the formula is over-complicated. It’s proof that he really does understand the subject and hasn’t just memorised it.

But that’s a display of his intelligence, not insightfulness, that comes later in the support with “Guys like me who hate hard work and sorta get by on our wits? It all falls apart eventually.” Now, I suppose this is a somewhat weak example, as it’s more self-awareness than insight, still, I do think it’s a bit of both, to know that he can’t just get by on luck forever.

Still on this topic, but in radically different context, I’d like to point your attention to Sylvain’s support conversation with Dedue, where he comes to the conclusion that the people of Duscur are innocent. Now, Three Houses intentionally halts certain supports from progressing if they contain story spoilers or if they require certain events to have occurred before them, either because the support itself references those events, or so that the player has context to understand the gravity of what happens in the support.

As such, this statement from Sylvain can happen incredibly early in the game, and potentially is one of the first occasions where a student alludes to a third party pulling some strings. Now, Sylvain doesn’t go that far in his conclusion, doesn’t even have a conclusion, really. But the fact that he even questions it, that he’s looked at the evidence and found that something doesn’t add up, speaks for an insight that, so far, I haven’t really found in the “supporting cast” for lack of a better term.

The final positive trait I want to bring up, one that he doesn’t attempt to hide because honestly he has no need to by virtue of the reasoning I’m about to get into; how important promises are to him, how lightly he doesn’t make them, and how he keeps every single one. He doesn’t hide this simply because it’s a rare occurrence that only happens around people he trusts.

I’ve trawled through Sylvain supports, the word “promise” comes up a grand total of 13 times across all 17 characters (that’s a total of 42 separate conversations.) You’d think for a guy who is personified as being a cheat would make a helluva lot of empty promises, wouldn’t you?

That number isn’t even accounting for the fact that half of the time in these supports, it isn’t even him saying the word.

Let’s discount one of these right off the bat. He says it, but it’s to Hilda, and half of it is a joke, where he tells her to “stop lying, take responsibility, and fall madly in love with him.” He asks her to promise him these things in exchange for forgiveness for taking a tongue lashing from the librarian that was meant for her. None of this is overly important to my point, save the fact that it’s the one time where the word doesn’t carry all that much weight, but it’s not an exception to the rule and still a reinforcement as he’s not the one making it.

Two other occasions I want to bring up next are his supports with Byleth and Mercedes. These aren’t like the previous where it doesn’t carry weight, quite the opposite, but he says the word only once for each. For the former it’s right at the end of his marriage proposal so… Kinda a “well duh” moment, doesn’t really require any analysis. The latter is also at the end of the final support conversation, and it comes in response to Mercedes asking if he will “protect her in turn.” Considering this is a support required for their paired ending, we can sort of take this as a marriage proposal too, but I place more emphasis on the fact that during this portion of the conversation, Sylvain has let his guard down around Mercedes, to the point where he actually cries. That’s pretty significant.

The remaining ten mentions of “promise” come in his supports with his three childhood friends.

Let’s look at Dimitri first, as he only has half of the number of conversations with everyone’s favourite philanderer that the other two do. The word comes up, across both conversations, four times, and only once by Sylvain himself, in which he promises to “do better” and focus more on his studies etc. The other three occasions come from Dimitri, first questioning whether Sylvain will keep to his word, the second is in the B support where he confirms that Sylvain actually did, and the last is Dimitri promising to help Sylvain out with “…something he knows how to help with.” (The last isn’t all that important really, save for keeping count.)

So that leaves the final six, considering we discounted one at the beginning, that’s half. And wouldn’t you know, as well as being part of the Original Childhood Friend Quartet, these two are the only people he can obtain an A+ rank support with. Coincidence? I think not.

Between Ingrid and Felix’s supports, Ingrid’s contain the majority with four, but unlike with Dimitri, it’s Sylvain saying it three out of those four times. However, this time we have the one occasion where he doesn’t completely stay true to his word. Like Dimitri’s support, his first promise to Ingrid is in regards to his behaviour, but, despite his own opinion on the matter, Ingrid expresses exasperation that he’s still playing around. However, it’s worth noting that this promise comes after Ingrid has chewed him out for events that happened a number of years ago, in public, and in a manner that by all accounts is pretty belittling. It’s probably the one occasion he’s made a promise out of frustration and to just end the conversation, evidenced by how he tacks “ Are you happy now?” on to the end. This, I think, is the exception to the rule, rather than the occasion with Hilda, but an exception I think proves the rule.

The second mention is from Ingrid asking Sylvain to stop acting so nonchalant about getting hurt or killed,” and the third is him making that promise right after. It’s never strictly mentioned if he actually does keep it, however, his following support with her involves scenes with him taking his training and combat situations seriously. I believe this is him making an attempt to minimise the possibility of getting hurt in the first place. It’s a roundabout way of keeping his promise, sure, but one that definitely works, dealing with the root cause rather than the surface issue, as it were.

The last comes with “It’s not a joke that you’re beautiful, but I wasn’t trying to hit on you or anything. Promise.” This one, at first glance, doesn’t seem much to read in to, and at face value, there really isn’t. I think this ties in more to the way Sylvain regards promises, and that (hopefully) Ingrid knows that aspect of him too. It’s an emphasis on him being genuine, that he truly means what he’s saying.

Lastly, we have Felix, arguably the most important one. I have a lot of headcannon surrounding this, we’re not going there today, we’re going to stick with what we know.

It’s only mentioned twice, both by Sylvain, and it’s a reference to the same promise, that they’ll “stick together, until they die together.” It’s worth noting that he brings it up specifically on the second mention, but on the first, it comes after Felix being concerned (angrily, because it’s Felix) that Sylvain actually will die, and Sylvain stating “Nah, I won’t die on you. I promise.”

At first, it’s a bit of a throwaway line, until later in the support he talks about The Promise, it paints the first line in a whole new light, that in reality Sylvain is saying “I’m not going to break my promise.” And if you get their paired ending in the Azure Moon route, he really doesn’t.

It’s also brought up outside their supports, if you recruit one and not the other, they talk about it pre-combat if you set them against each other. Please don’t do that. It’s rather poignant, I think, that game mechanics are the only way to get Sylvain to break a promise.

To summarise, Sylvain’s strengths of character manifest in how much he truly cares about people. How he can find the strength to lift his friends up despite the weight he puts on his own shoulders. How he might be crumbling but ultimately will not break. And just how dependable he is by virtue of how he won’t ever make a promise lightly, nor will he break one.