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msmovingforward · 4 years ago

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Hypno-SHEDIDNOT

We open with Jen and the Shah squad in the Nomad Hotel and Casino. Jen informs her team that she's going to the "strip club!!!" I'm thinking, "SHAHMAZING!! We're finally gonna get to see these women do something in Las Vegas that you might actually do in Las Vegas." As it turns out... the promise of this show filming anywhere except inside Luigi's Mansion, er I mean... the fabulous Nomad Hotel Las Vegas or at Heather's Mormon laser conversion therapy "health spa" was an empty one.

Whitney and Heather then have a pow wow following Heather's exclusive in-hotel shopping experience with Jen and Gollum and Whitney, Meredith, and Lisa's riveting experience driving luxury cars. (Side note: many places have "driving experiences" where you can drive a luxury car five laps around a track. You can buy this experience yourself on Groupon for like $49, and you don't have to fly coach to Vegas to do it. When my Housewives take me to Vegas, I want to see Lisa Vanderpump pretending she's ok with the Chippendales touching her. I want to see someone who owns a casino treating their frenemies to a weekend of debauchery. Hell! I at least want to see Camille Grammer dancing like a white girl in the VIP section of Tao!) Whitney reveals to Heather that she's just so glad that they can finally have a drama-free dinner all together, now that Jen has forgiven and forgotten how it was ALL WHITNEY'S FAULT that she threw that glass at Sharrieff's birthday party. (Or so she thought...) This is juxtaposed with a scene of Jen, Meredith, and Lisa sitting down to a dinner I can only describe as if Disney World decided to open a Rainforest Cafe inside the Haunted Mansion and served Lunchables and Stacy's Pita Chips. As we have come to predict, Lisa is loving the elegant vibe this dinner, complete with an oversized margarita topped with a Blue Mccaw, is throwing off. Lisa knows taste. Lisa WANTS to touch this dinner, and she does. She scoops what looks like some sort of spinach dip right onto her plate, as she and Meredith fill Jen in on Whitney's apology at the racetrack.

This is when things turn, and I'm not just talking about Whitney's flawless day-to-night turtleneck tank top and high wasted jean look. According to Jen, it would be nice if Whitney could just be accountable. This is when I realized that we are living in a different world entirely from Jen Shah. In Jen Shah's world, it's appropriate to throw a glass without looking, and when you do that, you're not overreacting. In Jen Shah's world, you can dress like you tore the rainforest-scene wallpaper right off your pediatrician's wall. What ensues is one of the worst examples of a housewife trying to force a story line I've ever seen. It's like when Michael Scott keeps insisting every improv scene has a gun. Stop trying to make this fight happen, Jen! No one cares! Andy Cohen, please tell me she isn't coming back next season. More Jen yelling that Whitney needs to watch her back and more Meredith disengaging follow. We learn from a testimonial that Meredith grew up in a broken home, so the yelling triggers her, so she learned how to disengage. This is FAR TOO HEALTHY of behavior from a housewife for me. I mean, have you SEEN a Housewives show before, Meredith? This is cage fighting for women. Get back in there with your slicked back jet black hair! FaceTime Brooks! HE would have some choice words to say to Jen.

Whitney and Heather show up just as all this is happening. Jen has gone into full-on crazy mode now, and she's doing that thing where you get so upset that you basically just start crying. In this sense I can feel bad for Jen. It really must be challenging to live by yourself with your husband gone three quarters of the year, but this woman needs a hobby more fulfilling than buying friends and saying "shah-mazing..." like maybe buy one of those adult coloring books, Jen. This storyline is getting nowhere quickly. I need Jen to cool it, and I need Meredith to step it up. Jen pushes Heather, and Lisa follows her out into the hotel lobby to try to talk her off the ledge, but she's unsuccessful... probably because her outfit makes her look like a bellhop, so patrons keep trying to get her to carry their bags to their rooms.

Jen returns to her room to call her husband and further establish herself as the victim in this situation.

We head back to Whitney's room, which looks like it's in a library, to break down what just happened. We learn that Meredith and Seth had previously been separated several times and had both seen other people, but they are currently happier than they have ever been. This puts to rest the cheating rumors that Jen had been trying to drop in everyone's ears, but cuts Lisa to the core because she doesn't feel like she even knows her best friend.

When we return from commercial, more establishing interior shots of this baffling hotel inform us it's the next day; there's a large dog statue, another lost soul from American Horror Story bringing Lisa breakfast ("Thank you. I love that!"), a bathtub right next to Heather's bed, and a creepy clock on Whitney's bedside table. Brooks tells Meredith that the family dog shit all over his blue Moncler coat, and he nearly cried, but he couldn't because he just got Botox at Heather's health spa from a pregnant 16 year old Mormon. Whitney pushes her legs over her head and yawns while her testimonial informs us this is worse than the time she got her period on a waterslide during a trip to the Bahamas. Hot. Lisa FaceTimes Mary and tells her she wishes she were here to tell Jen she smelled like hospital at last night's Velveeta and scorpion bowls dinner. Mary blinks several times and tells us Jen is crazy, and she's been trying to tell us all along! Takes one to know one I guess!

Jen is gone! Then! Jen is not gone because the Shah squad told her to stay. Thank God for the Shah squad!

We head outside where Meredith is dressed in her most elegant oscillot print coat. Heather informs the rest of the gals that she's gonna be late, and we head to... a hypnotist's mansion in the Las Vegas desert? I'm SO confused as to why we went to Vegas to visit these otherwise standard Housewives tropes. The hypnotist tells us to hold balls in our hands because this is how hypnosis works, but not before Jen and Heather show up late, disrupting the whole ritual, causing us all to have to start over. After NO ONE gets hypnotized, we head to the hypnotist's living room, where the hypnotist, who I think is vying for a snowflake, and who I have a sneaking suspicion is not a hypnotist AT ALL, asks everyone whom they do and do not trust. Shocker! Everyone trusts everyone else, except no one trusts Jen, and Jen doesn't trust Heather.

The episode basically just wraps up there, with more to come next week with the hypnotist. Here are my final thoughts. A) Jen is a terrible friend to Heather and an even worse housewife. When this series premiered, I appreciated her coming in guns-a-blazing, but this victim complex, rage issue thing is not playing out well. I need her off my screen. B) Heather is enabling this whole situation, both with the show being terrible due to Jen's not understanding what her job entails and with remaining in this toxic friendship. C) The other women ARE afraid of Jen, and I would be too. I wouldn't want to be around her. D) I would love if Alison Dubois from Beverly Hills' dinner party from hell would hold a seance in the Nomad Hotel. It could be quite possible the woman we saw this episode wasn't Jen at all but just the spirits in a disturbed Vegas burial ground in a state of unrest, convincing her that all work and no play make her a dull boy.

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