#Nol's jump was HEAVY HANDED it made it absolutely clear it was a call bac and foil to his first pool fall

[trashlie]

Meaning in Falls in ILY (spoilers for ep 200)

The last post I want to make about the recent ILY posts is something that came up on reddit. I’m going to copy and paste my response lol because it’s something I spent too long mulling over, and even if it ends up meaning nothing, sometimes it’s just nice to have all these thoughts in one place, isn’t it?

Someone over on reddit posed the following question in the FP discussion post for episode 200: 

[img: reddit user snaakeguy asked  so much of this story has these important life altering moments centered around falling. the formal, nol jumping into the pool, this. i wonder what the significance behind that is.]

My thoughts were this:

(spoilers for ep 200)

At the risk of overthinking it, too, I think we can separate it further into the difference between a fall and a jump, right? A fall is an event completely out of out control vs a jump being a choice. In general, things crash and burn in life all all time, and we're left to deal with the ramifications of them. That can range from things not working out to unexpected deaths, plans that get indefinitely shelved. I THINK in ILY the falls (simply) create (narrative) parallels, but I'm not against the idea of there being meaning in them, either. But we do know that Nol's fall vs dive foil each other - his fall was an "opportunity" to give in that he lost when he instead chose to help Shinae; his jump embraced that feeling but he was met with renewed vigor and rebirth. You can take it further, too, in that the fall could have been the death of Yeonggi (and maybe a less metaphorical death), but his chosen jump WAS the death of Yeonggi, one he made of his own volition.

We've seen both fall and jump paralleled with Shinae's, and that sense of peace and calm. She goes from shocked to a horrifying sense of peace, like she's welcoming what's coming. In fact, the way this is interspersed with those AWFUL girls and their "She deserved it" "You shouldn't feel bad" comments leans into what she was telling Nol - that she was punished for daring to believe she can change her fortune or stray from her path. In that moment, young Shinae concluded she cannot change this trajectory, that she does not deserve what she was seeking. Interestingly, where Shinae embraces that moment of peace, Nol denies himself it, says he doesn't deserve it.

[A sidebar here to add on to this thought above: at the time of the formal, when Nol falls and decides he doesn’t deserve this peace yet, it’s because there is something yet in the past that Nol blames himself for, and because he has not yet reached the absolution he believes he must seek. For him to give up in that moment would be unfair, because his mindset is that he deserves all punishment that comes his way, and that there is no point in fighting it. For the amount of mental strife he’s in, peace would be a gift, and thus it’s an unwelcome opportunity. Shinae had not yet reached that conclusion - that comes after. In this moment, she’s willing to embrace it because she’s not yet saddled with the concept of undeserving, hasn’t yet decided that maybe life is punishing her simply for existing. Until now, she had still tried to defy it. This is, instead, the moment Shinae concludes there is no reason for her to try to fight what she believes is her destiny.]

Though we don't know Shinae's thoughts during her pool fall, given her addled state and that we were pointedly in no one's head, even though this is not a chosen jump like Nol's, she DOES end up at the railing because she WANTED to jump into the pool. Obviously this is different than Nol's circumstances but I still find it interesting - Shinae wants to "follow her dreams", Nol wants to feel what it's like to fly. I don't think they're equally comparable in that way, but the RESULT is. Nol jumps and leaves Yeonggi behind, rebirthed as Nolan, embracing his identity. Shinae falls and leaves behind.... I wouldn't call it INNOCENCE exactly but it DOES ride on the back of learning she was taken advantage of, manipulated, and trapped into this position (AND Sangchul tried to PHYSICALLY take advantage of her). She had tried so hard to be the good girl that was asked of her, to take care of her father, to stay off the streets. In desperation she asked for a favor and was tricked. She's done being a "good girl" - she tries to fight back, she refuses to back down and let people walk over her. Prior in the story, Shinae lets people say whatever they will about her, because what does it matter. Later, we get to see her square up against Sangchul. Maybe in the past she may have kept quiet and let him imply she's the Hirahara family's bicycle but in the present we get to see her get in his face and yell at him lmaoooooooo. I think this probably extends further, too, in conjunction with this flashback arc. Shinae prior would likely have let Nol run away, accepted that this is how it goes, no one ever stays, this is what life decided you deserve, that she doesn’t matter, but instead she makes repeated efforts to reach out to him. EVEN THOUGH she went through something similar with Alyssa she still decides to make an effort so she's left with no regrets.

So even tho Shinae's pool fall is not a jump by choice, I think it still represents a sense of "rebirth" - rebranding yourself, embracing something you hadn't prior. In a way, they both come out of this choosing themselves. Shinae chooses to defend herself, to fight for herself; Nol chooses to stop being Yeonggi and to be Nolan, to give up his mask and embrace his real self.

So while I think falls/jumps are being used to maintain these parallels, I think we CAN read into them a bit, with what CHANGES in direct response to that fall. Is it a coincidence that the "rebirths" involves pools? (And it's not like a pool immediately equates to that, either; Nol's pool fall FOILS Shinae's, where hers parallels his pool jump. Where Nol is ready to let peace embrace him, he has to take up the Yeonggi mask once more to save Shinae. Like Shinae's school fall, this fall leaves him trapped in a fate he believes inescapable, a personal prison. In fact, Nol wears his Yeonggi persona like a prison in the same way Shinae builds up her walls and locks herself away. Tho he has people around him, he's not honest with them and is just as much isolated as Shinae is). There's something to read into regarding the intention vs lack of, tho it definitely does not hold up 100% regarding Shinae. I guess it's ultimately: what does the impact reveal? Embracing the believed inevitable vs those moments of "clarity" (ironic word choice since Shinae literally cannot recall parts of her night, but enough to realize she does not want to lie down and be taken advantage of).

I hope we won't see any more jumps/falls to test out if this is true tho lol. Maybe just, yknow, the metaphorical kind (perhaps a fall from grace, fall from power vs a leap of faith, jumping into something new, jumping at an opportunity.)

(And because I'm me and ADHD has me all over the place, I wonder if it's SUPER overthinking to compare Nol climbing up to the rooftop with falling/jumping lol. I think yes, but I'm still going to muse about the intentional choice to pull himself from his pit of despair and maybe allow himself a reprieve, rather than trying to jump to one only to realize it might not be what he actually wants. Choosing to join Shinae on the rooftop is just as intentional as choosing to jump from the balcony into the pool, and in a way they might be seen as part of each other. Nol needed to make that jump and free himself in order to face Shinae the way he did; that was him letting go of control, freeing himself from what was keeping him a prisoner (Yeonggi, himself) and joining Shinae is the intentional choice to take control and make his own choices for himself. I do believe lol this is very much overthinking and that it wasn’t intentionally written to be an extension of the pool jump, but I do like how the actions go together.)