#No I am NOT shipping her with Jack Vincent... Right?

[shinmiyovvi]

I still keep on thinking about Eleanor's backstory but couldn't come up with something that could be different from the other 4. I want to have some originality with me at the same time, couldn't help but to get some inspo with theirs.

Also, I am still stressing over my Mob self insert as well (I have decided to be with Finn but still uncertain if we're a match cause I just find him quite the looker and all and his voice is just something for me to daydream about)

[singledarkshade]

New Old Friend

Part Five

(Part One,  Part Two, Part Three  and Part Four can be found here)

 Jack sat and waited for Henry to speak.

“Alright,” the other man took a seat, “As you know, before I came to Eureka I was working at NASA. I was disillusioned with what I was doing and the people I was working with. I had received the offer to come to Eureka but wasn’t going to accept.” He paused thinking back before glancing at Rip, “And then a light filled the room leaving a man on the floor with a brightly glowing shard of glass.”

Jack looked at him, looked at Rip then looked back and laughed, “You’re winding me up.”

“No,” Henry replied, “I’m not. Rip is not from around here.”

“You mean like England?”

“Technically that is correct, but I am also from an alternate universe,” Rip told him, pausing for a moment as Jack’s eyes widened in shock before continuing, “I was a time traveller and used the core from my ship to stop a demon from destroying time. When it exploded, I was thrown into another universe and I will leave once I find the shard of the core that landed here.”

Jack stared at him before asking amused, “Of course and I suppose you need my help to find it?”

“Actually, it’s currently in Global Dynamics,” Rip replied.

Jack looked between Henry and Rip before demanding, “This is an elaborate joke.”

“No,” Henry assured him, “Jack, I know how bizarre this is, but I promise you that this is real. You’ve dealt with enough during your time in Eureka not to close your mind to the possibilities.”

Laughing Jack demanded, “But time travel? Alternate realities? That’s science fiction. Even Stark would agree with me.”

“I’ll admit,” Henry said, “Until I met Rip, I believed that too but it’s not. He’s the reason I came to Eureka because he told me I would, because that was when he first met me. And that this was my home.”

Frowning, Jack asked, “What?”

“I met Henry for the first time when I stepped into the Sheriff’s station earlier today,” Rip told him, “But I will see him again when I leave here. Although I have no idea when that will be.”

“I am not sure this was a good idea, Captain,” Gideon noted as she stood at Rip’s side watching Jack pace thinking over all they’d told him. They’d decided to turn off the interface while talking to the Sheriff as having Gideon there would possibly be a distraction from what they were explaining, “He is finding it difficult to accept the information you and Dr Deacon are imparting.”

“I really don’t think being arrested right now is helpful,” Rip murmured to her, “Telling him is our best option to avoid having to break out of jail…again.”

Jack turned to him, “Where did the papers you wrote come from? Are you taking credit for someone else’s work?”

“Both papers I wrote,” Rip replied, “Presumably when I meet Henry again.”

“So, you just knocked out two papers in the few hours you were there that people like Stark and Alison think are real,” Jack demanded.

Rip shrugged, “Actually they were papers I wrote in my first year of training. I have an eidetic memory, so it won’t take me long to rewrite or dictate them.”

“Training?” Jack asked, looking confused, “For time travel?”

Rip nodded, “I belonged to an organisation called the Time Masters. Our mission was to protect time from those who tried to change it to their own advantage.”

He left out the rest, not wanting to get into what had happened to his family, to the Time Masters, or with the Legends.

“What about the AI you had following you around?” Jack asked, “Did you do that in a few hours.”

Pulling out the disc, Rip smiled, “Gideon is the AI for my time ship, the Waverider. We have a telepathic connection which allows her to connect to me wherever I end up. Henry created the interface to let her to interact with this world.”

“This is crazy,” Jack shook his head.

Activating the interface, Rip turned to Gideon, “Can you show him the shard?”

“Of course, Captain Hunter,” Gideon replied before turning to the Sheriff, “Please direct your attention to the screen, Sheriff Carter.”

Confused Jack turned as she activated the viewscreen, showing the security footage from the lab where the shard was sitting glowing.

“That could be anything,” Jack noted.

“Wait till Rip gets near it,” Henry chuckled, “He glows too.”

Jack rubbed his hand over his face, “Alright, say I believe you. What now?”

“We need to work out how to get to the lab it’s in without Nathan or Alison finding out,” Henry told him.

“As it has been a long day,” Gideon spoke up, “I believe you should discuss this while having your evening meal.”

Rip rolled his eyes as the other two laughed, “Ignore my mother hen.”

“Captain, we had an agreement,” Gideon reminded him.

“But she is right,” Rip acquiesced because he’d still be nagged by her if he turned off the link, “And thinking about it, I could use something to eat.”

Henry nodded, “Well, I promised Vincent I would bring you back to Café Diem. Jack, want to join us?”

“Why not?” he shrugged.

 Rip mused as he thought over what he wanted to eat as they found a booth. Gideon was looking around interested, Rip had left the interface on so she could interact with the others. He knew she liked being seen and heard by more than him.

“Welcome,” Vincent appeared, “What can I get for you?”

Jack grinned, “I’ll take my usual.”

“One burger and chips for the Sheriff,” Vincent sighed before adding, “One of these days I’ll get you to try something different.”

Henry laughed, “I’ll have the risotto.”

“And you two?” Vincent turned to Rip and Gideon.

Rip shrugged, “I think I will let you choose for me today.”

Vincent’s eyes lit up, “I will make you something very special. And for the lady?”

“Unfortunately, I don’t eat,” Gideon replied with a sweet smile, “But thank you.”

At Vincent’s confused look she passed her hand through the table, and he nodded in understanding. Rip smiled, Eureka was in some ways the perfect place for people like him and part of him wished he could stay here but he needed to get back to Gideon properly.

“Okay,” Jack said, “I may not fully believe you but,” he grinned, “I do want to hear some time travel stories.”

                                 *********************************************

 “Nathan,” Alison walked into the lab, “What do you have?”

He turned to her and smiled, “The energy coming off this thing is incredible. We could power the town with this for hundreds of years.”

Alison stared at him, “That’s not good, Nathan. This thing appeared from nowhere in the highest security section of GD, we have no idea where it came from or what it’s doing here. We need to be careful. Remember the artifact.”

Nathan flinched slightly at the thought before replying, “I am just testing it, Ali. I promise no protocols will be missed and no steps will be skipped.”

“Good,” she replied, “And keep me up to date on absolutely everything that happens.”

                                 *********************************************

 Gideon watched her Captain as he talked to the other two men. She could see he was enjoying himself, especially as he could be himself and there was no pretence he had to remember.

She theorised if she could find a way to transport the Waverider here and allow him to stay. Unfortunately, it was not possible. Which she already knew but for her Captain, she wanted to check fully. He deserved to be happy, he’d lost so much.

“Here we go,” Vincent appeared once more, “Burger and chips for the Sheriff, risotto for Henry and for Dr Hunter I have roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, roast potatoes with honey glazed carrots and parsnips.”

Rip took an appreciative sniff of the plate and smiled at Vincent, “This looks incredible, thank you.”

As they all began to eat, Gideon excused herself to wander for a little while. She wasn’t sure how far away from Rip she could be and still be seen by the residents of the small town. She knew how far she could be from him and still be connected to this world and wondered if it would be the same.

People greeted her as she sat outside the café, taking in the view. No one knew she wasn’t human, that she wasn’t one of them and she liked it. The only one who treated her like this normally was Rip, to him she had always been more than just an AI.

She wanted him home with her but getting to spend time with him like this was something she would never have been able to experience if Rip had not used the core against Mallus.

An alarm sounded and Gideon checked the Waverider quickly surprised to find it was all quiet. Looking around she saw that no one appeared to have noticed the siren which meant she was receiving data through the interface.

Focussing on the alert, Gideon grimaced, this was not good.

 Rip finished his meal and agreed instantly when Vincent offered them dessert.

“Is there anything particular you like?” Vincent asked him.

Rip shrugged, “I will leave it entirely in your hands.”

Excitement covered Vincent’s face, “Oh, you will not regret that.”

“You won’t,” Jack agreed, “Everything Vincent makes is incredible. If SARAH didn’t nag me, I would eat every meal here every day.”

Chuckling Rip leaned back, “You have an impressive world. There is nothing like this in my own. A town dedicated to learning and discovery is an impressive feat.”

“We try our best,” Henry nodded, “Don’t always succeed but we do try.”

Jack laughed, “It’s a miracle we’re all still here considering some of the things those lunatics get up to.”

“I should introduce you to some of the people I used to work with,” Rip murmured.

Vincent reappeared suddenly, “Here we go, gentlemen. Triple chocolate fudge cake, Chantilly cream, with chocolate and salted caramel sauce.”

Taking a spoonful, Rip closed his eyes. Gideon would not be happy if he ate this too often but for the moment, he was sure she would permit the indulgence.

Just as he was finishing, Gideon returned looking grim. She motioned him to deactivate the interface which he did instantly.

“Captain,” she said, “There is a problem with the shard. I set up an alert so I would know if anyone interfered with it. The scientists in Global Dynamics are scanning the energy it is releasing. That energy is connected to you and even with the primitive equipment, could trace it.”

“Rip?” Henry asked worriedly, “Is something wrong? Is Gideon alright, has the interface damaged her?”

Frowning, Rip turned to his friend, “We may have a problem.”

[dimigex]

Author Questionnaire

Thanks for the tag @cinlat This took forever so I'm not going to tag anyone else but please do it if you want, I'd love to know more about so many of the people I follow! And if you do it after seeing it here, tag me!

1. Name: Dimigex

2. Fandoms: Mostly Naruto and Overwatch. I've dabbled in Fullmetal and there are some others I think I could, but there's never enough hours

3. Where You Post: here on tumblr and A03 and Fanfiction.net

4. Most Popular One Shot: Hints (1331 kudos) which is a Kakashi/Iruka slow burn one shot in which Genma plays matchmaker. Honestly, I have no idea why it's so popular.

5. Most Popular Multi-chapter: Altered Reality (381 kudos lol) which is a Kakashi/Rin fix it fic that I honestly never meant to write lol

6. Actual Worst Part of Writing: Making it perfect through editing. I have always said that I am a terrible writer and a great editor but it is so time consuming. I want to get to the fun stuff and get bogged down fixing the plot and setting things up that I lose interest.

7. Favorite Story You Wrote: This is actually a really hard one for me. It's a toss-up between Falling Cherry Blossoms and I'll be the Moon. Falling Cherry Blossoms is an exploration of grief and what it would take to break Kakashi. and I'll be the Moon really delves into the complexity of love and relationships.

8. Story You Were Nervous To Post: Honestly, I'm nervous to post every story. No matter what someone says, writing is putting a piece of yourself out there for someone to take a look at. I was pretty nervous posting my first KakaYama smut which was in Surprised Disguise, where Kakashi surprises Tenzo as Sukea and gets way more than he bargained for. Distraction also made me nervous. It's a KakaSaku mututal pining where they enjoy themselves since they can't have each other.

9. How You Choose Your Titles: Luck of the draw? Most of my titles come from song lyrics that inspired the story in the first place. Sometimes they're spot on descriptors of what's in the story, but it's normally song lyrics because I'm not terribly creative. By the time I get to the title, i've used up all my creative prowess elsewhere.

10. Complete Works: Are you serious right now? There are so many if we count one shots. I started doing them all, then got bored about one page in and decided to hit the highlights after a point. These are the most recent one shots or notable ones.

- Collateral Damage (Overwatch, In which Ana has has had too many friendly fire incidents)

- Silent Pleasures (Naruto, Kakashi/Iruka have some not safe for work fun at work)

- Forever and Always (Naruto, Kakasaku one shot where he's badly injured on a mission)

- Aftermath (Overwatch, Jack has some regrets about how he left things with Gabe)

- Imposter (Naruto, Kakashi/Tenzo in which Kakashi is jealous of Tenzo's stuffie that looks like him)

- Relapse (Naruto, Kakashi/Sakura in which she slept with Sasuke while she and Kakashi might have had something between them)

- Worlds Collide (Naruto, Kakayama in which Tenzo is captured by Obito and turned against Konoha and Kakashi. Kakashi will save him no mater the price)

-I'll be the Moon (Naruto, Kakashi/Sakura in which she's married to Sasuke but it having an affair with Kakashi. It's a complex look at love, life, and relationships)

- Find Me in the Dark (Naruto, Kakashi/Tenzo in which Tenzo gets captured and tortured by Orochimaru)

- Lightning and Starlight (Naruto, in which Kakashi wasn't fast enough to stop Sakura from putting a chidori through Sakura's chest)

- Surprised Disguise (Naruto, Kakashi/Tenzo, in which flirting as Sukea has unexpected results)

- Flood (Naruto, in which Kakashi pulls a prank on Genma by telling him that Sakura is pregnant)

- Falling Cherry Blossoms (Naruto, Kakashi centric, where he loses nearly everyone and falls apart)

- Muddy Water (Naruto, Genma/Sakura, the crack fic that built a ship? When I wrote thie, there were almost no other stories with this pairing. Sakura takes a mission she's not prepared for and Genma saves her in more ways than one

11. Incomplete Works:

- Drabbles, Requests, and Things I Should Have Left Alone (this is my catch all file for all the random things, multiple fandom)

-Heart in a Silver Cage (Naruto, Genma/OC, enemies to lovers slow burn mission fic)

- Healing Hands (Naruto, Tenzo/Sakura glacial burn that deals with ptsd and mental health)

- Losing Control (Naruto, Genma/Sakura or maybe Kakashi/Sakura, in which Sakura is pregnant with Genma's child)

- Tongue in Cheek (Naruto/SWtoR crossover in which Genma and @cinlat s OC Fynta get into all kinds of trouble, probably in both worlds)

- Altered Reality (Naruto, Kakashi/Rin fix it fic in which she lived, they got married, and she's pregnant with their child but she can't remember it)

- Run to You (Naruto, Tsunade/Jiraiya falling in love, falling apart, and trying to reconcile together, spanning their whole relationship with vignettes)

- Save Yourself: Shadows and Regrets (Naruto, Kakashi/Tenzo falling in love in Anbu with a healthy dose of Genma humor thrown in)

12. Do you outline: Rarely, we die like men here. Honestly, once I outline it all, I lose interest. That said, both AR (Altered Reality) and Caged (Heart in a Silver Cage) have outlines. HH (Healing Hands) is roughly written and needs all the editing and shaping.

13. Coming Soon: Heaing Hands is the big coming soon because it's written, but I'm working on several Overwatch fics. My favorite is (You Held the Gun that) Fired First which is a massive reaper76 that includes Vincent, falling in love, falling into bed, and falling apart.

14. Best writing trait: Personally, I think I write emotions well. Angst is my favorite tbh @birkastan2018 once called me their angst dealer and it literally made my year lol

15. Upcoming Story You Are Most Excited to Write: Gabriel's background story in Overwatch. I have all the ideas and none of the writing lol

16. Spicy Tangential Opinion: Honestly, I don't get triggered by too much either way. To each their own and if I dont' agree I can move on without blasting someone over something.

[gucciwins]

Redemption

Harry is a fool and Y/N has a strong punch

Word count: 6586

A/N: Happy Halloween! (early/belated who knows when you’re reading) I love this month and I am very happy to share this with you. It was a true struggle to find time to write but here she is. AU’s are fun to explore so here is Frat! Harry. Please let me know what you think!

Hope you enjoy !

> > > > >

October 31st

Looking in the mirror, the only thing you can do is smile. The black lipstick looks foreign on your usual plain lips but you are proud in saying it looks nice on you. The dark eye shadow makes your eyes look a bit darker adding to the aura of the outfit you have. It all seems to fit together well. You here all the ruckus down stairs and know you don’t have much time left.  You grab your flowery credit card holder and slip it into the front of your pants because if the worst were to ever happen at least you would have identification on you.

You hear Nick and Carmen arguing over who was the best dressed. Nick was saying how it was him because he looked good with a red bandanna tied around his neck. Carmen response to him was that at least she was able to rock a safari hat. You didn’t want to hear any more arguing so you finally let your room.

“The pumpkin queen finally decided to grace us with her presence.” Nick yells with a big grin.

“It’s King still, doesn’t change just because I’m a woman.” You responded to him.

You looked down at your costume and were damn proud of it. The items were not at all easy to find but damn were you grateful you did. The white and black striped pants made your legs appear much longer and not to brag made your ass look real nice. Guess, the squat workout Nick makes you do does work. You got a white button up shirt tucked into your pants and it is covered by the matching blazer with two white buttons. It fits you perfect, well at least now it does after Carmen was kind enough to get her younger sister to do it for you. At no cost, but that didn’t seem fair to you so you gave her a thirty dollar gift card to Starbucks because that is what Annie seemed to live by. Your favorite piece that you were happy you were able to make was the beautiful bow tie. The famous bat bow ties fits perfectly and the long wings make it look even more elegant. A true Pumpkin King, Jack Skellington would be proud. Carmen even let you borrow her black ankle heeled boots and honestly you’re not sure your friend will see them again.

You give them a nice twirl making sure to strike a dramatic pose as you stop. It makes them laugh which makes you laugh as well. You look over at your two friends and honestly can’t decide who looks better and they both can see that.

“You’re really going to tell us, we both look equally hot.” Carmen whines not even caring what you want to say.

Nick interrupts before you even have a chance to answer. “Obviously, it’s me. I have always been the favorite.”

Your best friends have decided to dress up as Dr. Alan Grant, the most famous paleontologist to ever exist or so they like to say but only in the world of Jurassic Park. The blue wrangler long sleeve shirt is folded to their elbows, both wear loose fitting khakis. They both wear light brown timberland boots that they both somehow already owned. Aviator sunglasses hanging from their shirt adding a sexy element to the look. An old watch is found on Carmen’s left wrist but none is to be seen on Nick. Nick has the leather dress belt and that is what Carmen is missing. Red bandannas on as well as their safari’s hat and if you really had to choose it would be Nick because you like to think the belt complete the look.

“Where’s the belt?” You question.

Both look down immediately and Carmen is the one who lets out a small curse word you couldn’t quite make out. Carmen storms off into her room but is back in seconds now with a secured belt.

“The good thing is that this isn’t as contest so there is no winner but if there was it would be me for originality.” 

You pick up your keys from the cat shaped bowl by the door and finally walk out of the apartment. 

“You’re a bitch” Nick yells full of fake anger.

“You don’t even look good.” Carmen yells but you all know that’s a lie.

“I swear I’ll leave you both.” You threaten as the elevator door closes behind you. As you begin to descend you hear the grumbling as they rush down the stairs to meet you.

> > > > >

Sigma Pi 

The big name of the fraternity stared down at you as you make your way to the front door. This was one of the nicer known ones but just as everyone it holds its own reputation. The president is a friend of yours, Mitch Rowland. You had him for a psychology class and got paired to work together. He’s a quiet guy but well respected. He’s big on giving back to the university as well as the community. These guys have to do a minimum of twenty hours of community service a month which says a lot seeing as you’ve never seen any of the others do that. Mitch runs a tight ship but the same cannot be said about their vice president. 

Harry Styles, known player who takes girls on dates only to never call them back. He is the one to organize these big parties but also an Orientation leader. The first time you met Harry he was a sweetheart not one to fit into to frats, you would have gone on a date with him if only the second time you met him didn’t ruin that. 

It was the start of the year party and Nick dragged you along because he was thinking of pledging. You let yourself get wrapped up in that mess. At the party you spotted Harry and wanted to make your way over to him but stopped when you saw him with his tongue down a girls throat. You turned away and thought to approach him later except every time you saw him after he was kissing a new girl. As the night came to a close it was announced by their then president that Harry has passed his initiation by successfully kissing twenty different girls. Everyone cheered, but what surprised you was that each girl that kissed Harry was just as proud. Just you were leaving when Harry found you and asked you if you wanted to be lucky 21. Your response to this day cracked up your two friends. You told him, “Eat shit Harold, I don’t do sloppy seconds or in your case sloppy twenty.”

Carter was a terrible president and it did not surprise you when the fraternity got better with Mitch in charge in fact it is a big reason you started going to their parties more but it also reintroduced you to Harry. 

As you entered the house your eyes spotted one to many angles and devils. It’s really funny because each person you saw the costume just seemed to be getting shorter and shorter. Although as your eyes scanned the room you eyes caught sight of Sarah and Mitch who were dressed as Mia Wallace and Vincent Vega paying tribute to Sarah’s favorite film Pulp Fiction. Mitch caught your eye and you gave them a big smile and two thumbs up. He raised his red cup as a thank you. 

Carmen left your side as soon as you entered when she heard the shitty music that was being played. She always made playlists for them and got mad because they never asked her to DJ when they all know she saves their party each time. Within seconds the dance floor was full and all the grinding started which opened up a pathway to the kitchen. Nick left to go chat with a friend he saw sitting alone. 

You had to admit the decoration they had around the house was real nice. The stairs had bat stickers big and small looking as if they were going up. Then on the handrail orange lights were wrapped around. The couch had a white drape with red hand prints that made it look like blood which you thought was a smart idea. As you stood in the entryway of the kitchen leaf garland was hanging down and it looked very pretty. You wanted to take a picture with it behind you. Maybe later when you were with one of your friends who was able to take the picture. 

As you are serving yourself a drink some behind you calls out your name. You turn to the backdoor and there looking as handsome as ever is Harry. Gosh, that man always manages to look good without effort but you can tell today he did. 

“Where’s Sparky?” Harry questions you.

You sigh hopping he is just messing with you. “His name is Zero, thought a film snob would know that.”

“Now, now just because I’m a double major doesn’t mean I should be seen as only one of them.” He lectures you.

“Sure Harry, we would love to hear you brag about English and Film but save it for another time.” Adam says as he puts a hand on Harry’s shoulder. Harry finally looks away and you take that as your cue to leave.

“Hey wait, so where is Zero?” He pauses not wanting to make this weird. “You’re a perfectionist you wouldn’t go out with an incomplete outfit.”

“Don’t worry your pretty head, Zero is safe and very much present.”

Harry nods and begins looking around hoping to find the person.

“Don’t waste your time searching you’ll find him only if I want you to.” With that you send him a wink and leaving Harry desperate for more conversation with you.

Little while later you’re leaning against the wall arms crossed defensively in hopes no one will approach you to bad some people don’t know how to read body language. Harry slides up right next to you. Right shoulder resting on the wall so he is able to have all eyes on you. 

“Hi Pumpkin!” He shouts due to the music being a bit loud.

You shoot him a grin hoping it will get him to stop talking because truth is as much as you may act like you don’t like Harry it is the complete opposite you know it and so does Harry. You just never know how he feels, which is a big reason on why you never take his advances seriously. Although, he does go the extra mile to seek you out at events or even when running into you around campus. Who knows, today may be the day.

You hope it will be with Harry dressed looking like that is making you feel too many emotions. One’s that make you want to explore everything with him. You turn to face him but that is when one of Harry’s frat brother comes up to him to discuss something which allows you to check him out shamelessly.  He’s wearing a blue sheer sparking top only buttoned half way exposing his beautiful butterfly tattoo you want to ask him about. But what captures your attention are the two swallows resting on his collarbone with a cross necklace sitting perfectly in the center. It’s no lie that Harry has always been attractive but is seems that this summer Harry worked on getting bigger because he looks broad and it’s making you sweat. The matching suspenders are a nice touch to his look but the matching wide leg trousers make his butt look bigger and juicier than before. You really needed to ask Harry for his squat routine because obviously it was working better than Nick’s.

Harry has felt you checking him out for the past few minutes but didn’t want to embarrass you in case you left running from him all over again which is why he dragged his conversation with the freshman. He’s finally able to turn all his attention back to you and he smiles when he sees you eyeing his untamed hair. 

“I see you like my costume.” He smirks.

You decide not to answer and look away from Harry.

“Oh come on pumpkin, I’m Jack Dawson.” He laughs “Well the more modern version.”

You nod, “Well if you were going for modern slutty Jack I definitely see it.”

Harry is shocked at your response. You always leave him surprised.

You smirk. “Bye Harry.”

> > > > > 

It’s eleven and the party's still going hard. You’re sitting on a piece of haystack that has a yellow blanket on top to stop the hay from getting on the clothing thankfully the fire pit is helping you keep warm. You drop your head to hide the smile growing on your face when you feel someone take a seat to the left of you.

“Pumpkin, you got to stop running away from me.” He’s pouting and you just want to lean over and kiss him to make him give you that charming dimpled smile. 

“Where’s the fun if I make everything easy for you.” You look over at him the fire making his green eyes brighter and you lean in closer wanting a better look.

“Are you trying to kiss me?” Harry gasps. “I always thought I would make the first move.” 

You pull away and give him a good shove making him tip to the side and fall. He lets out a small yelp but one look your way and you both start laughing. 

Some time later it quiets down and it’s just you and Harry until a drunken couple makes their way outside. Harry stands and offers his hand to you. Without a second thought you take it and he’s leading you through the house and up the stairs. There’s four doors and his is the second on the left. He opens the door and lets you walk in first. His room is surprisingly clean but as expected he has a bookshelf filled with movies and books.

Harry stands back and lets you admire his room. He wants you to feel comfortable. You run a single fingers across all the movies and stop when one catches your eye. The Shawshank Redemption. 

“Some movies come out before their time and this one was one of them. I remember finding out on opening weekend in didn’t come close to reaching one million and I was shocked. Thankfully, people redeemed themselves and now tops all lists as one of the best movies around even to this day.” You were just rambling on a movie you loved and you weren’t sure if Harry was even listening. You look over at him only to see him staring at you with a wide smile. 

“Embarrassed to say I haven’t seen it. I got it on sale and just never got around to watching it.” He rubs the back of his neck to calm himself.

“Well if you ever get the chance to watch it let me know what you think about it. Would love to discuss it with a professional but just so you know I took my fair share of film and production courses during my summers in high school. I know enough to sound smart in conversations as well as understand.” You told him proudly.

“You continue to surprise me.” He chuckles. “Guess I’m not the only film snob.”

You crinkle your nose at name he called you. “Promise to never call you that ever again, sounds awful.”

You quiet down and sit on his bed. You look over at him and patted the spot next to you. He walks over slowly and sits close enough that your thighs are touching. He lays back and you follow after him. Little noise is heard from outside and you’re thankful for that because laying here in the dark the moon your only source of light is comforting.

“Harry.”

He hums in response. 

“I like you.” You let out a shaky breath after finally saying it out loud.

He turns on his side to face you and you do the same even though you’re nervous. 

“Pumpkin, you don’t know how happy that makes me.” He brings his hand to rest on your cheek and just holds you so gently as if you’d break if he touched any harder. “I like you too. So much.”

You’re nose to nose now, eyes flickering to each other’s lips each time.

“May I please kiss you?” He asks eyes meeting yours.

“Please.” You let out in a low voice.

He looks into your eyes one more time before closing the gap. It feels like magical. You have never felt someone kiss you with so much emotion. You tilt your head to deepen the kiss. Harry doesn’t even want to think about pulling away because now that he has a taste of you he never wants to stop.

You are the first to pull away to get air in your lungs. You lips brush each other softly as you try to think of something to say. But honestly you think your smile says it all.

“You are always worth the wait.” Harry says his breath tickling your lips having you let out a small laugh. 

“Can we do it again, H?” 

“‘Course we can. Don’t ever want to stop now.” He sighs into your mouth.

Each kiss keeps getting hotter and you do nothing to stop it. Harry pulls of your blazer as well as your pretty bow tie. He gives it a small kiss before throwing it to the side. He’s trailing kisses all over you neck but not leaving any bruises not knowing how you feel about it. He loves feeling your heart rate speed up, the breathy moans you let out encouraging him to keep going. You run your fingers through his tangled hair and tug on it because you miss the feel of his lips on yours.

“You sure about this?” He asks pulling away to look you in the eyes. 

“Yes. I give you my consent. Didn’t have a lick of alcohol.” You tell him proudly. “Can’t say the same about you. Will you remember this in the morning, Sparky?” Harry grins at the dumb nickname you used on him. 

“Only had one.” He grins at his next words. “Can’t be chasing you if I’m all boozed up.”

You melt at his words but don’t let him see it. You trail your hands up his open chest. Harry sees how hesitant you are to undress him so he begins to help you out. He takes off his suspenders rather quickly and unbutton the last few keeping the shirt together. You can’t help but lay back and admire Harry. He has so many tattoos but not one of them seems out of place it is as if each one has always lived on him. Harry isn’t one to shy away from what he wants. He brings his hands to rest on your waist. Squeezing hard enough to get your attention. Although you have a hard time focusing when his lips look so inviting. 

“Pumpkin, mind if I take off the button up it would only seem fair.” You smirk up at Harry as if thinking it over but give him a soft nod and that gets him going.

You wait with your arms to your side and face tilted up to catch Harry’s expression. Once the shirt and wide open Harry takes in a sharp breath. This is not what he was expecting. A beautiful swallow tattoo is what he sees. It lies over your heart. He wants to compliment its beauty on your skin but his body has a mind of it’s own and he gives is soft kiss. It was so gentle it sent shivers down your back. 

“Matching tattoos, doesn’t that scream soulmates to you” Harry jokes but looking in his eyes you see a bit of hope in there.

“Should have known you were a hopeless romantic.” You begin unbuttoning your pants when you stop realizing you have to take off your boots. “H, take my boots of please.” You give him a small smile feigning innocence.

Harry shakes his head at you but proceeds to do as you asked. Once he sets them at the edge of the bed he grabs a hold of your jeans and yanked them down. You’re shocked when you realized he took your panties with them. You’re laying there exposed to him bra removed and thrown across the room. Harry was about to crawl up to you but something caught his eye. Hi grabbed your right ankle and turned it a little he chuckled at what he saw. “Guess I finally found Zero.” Harry leans down and gives Zero a small kiss before claiming your lips once again.

Harry kisses you possessively, one hand sliding under your ass to pull your bodies close. You’re getting desperate you want his hands everywhere. You tangled your fingers in his hair and give it a sharp tug. Harry breaks the kiss letting out a deep moan. Harry’s lips drift down your neck leaving a trail until he reaches your breasts. He gives them quick kisses before making his way down to where you need him most. He pulled you legs over his shoulder his breath hitting the side of your thigh making you whine in need. Harry doesn’t need any encouragement because he dives right in. His tongue darting out to lick along your soft folds. You gasp and tighten the hold you have on his hair, your hips rising to meet his mouth. Harry moaned enjoying how sweet you taste. He sucks your clit into his mouth, slowly slipping a finger inside of you, pumping in and out enjoying the moans you keep letting out.

“Harry” You moan. “Please” You don’t want him to ever stop.

Harry had you begging for more as he kept tasting, sucking, and licking you, content with his place between your thighs until he brings you to your orgasm. His tongue sliding deep inside you alongside his fingers, his thumb pressed against your clit, moving it in slow circles. You felt yourself shattering to pieces, the orgasm leaving you seeing stars, your heart pounding but a smile present on your face. You’d never felt anything that good.

Harry places a gentle kiss on each of your thigh before locking eyes with you. “That was…” You stop to catch your breath. “Impressive.”

Harry chuckles cheeks going red. You’re not sure when he got rid of his pants but he sits there bare. He strokes himself several times before grabbing a condom by the side table, opening it, and sliding it on. He leans over you, his mouth on yours, his kisses getting needy for more. 

His cock was hard and you were eager to feel him. You pushed a hand between your bodies and took him in your hand, stroking him. He moaned as you raised your hips to meet his and he slowly eased into you, his hand sliding under your ass to keep a firm grip on you. 

You let out a sigh as Harry filled you, it felt right. You felt as if you weren’t meant to be anywhere else but in his arms. The two of you moved in perfect sync. Each knowing what touch the other needed. The moans and groans filled the room. It felt right. 

You wrapped an arm around Harry’s neck and brought him in for a kiss, you felt like it had been too long since you felt your lips on his. You wrapped your legs around the back of his thighs, pulling him into you, your hips rising to meet his as each of his thrusts became harder, deeper, longer. This orgasm was better than the first, you felt as if your heart might burst. Harry groaned as your walls clamped down on him. His thrusts becoming more erratic as he chased his own releases. He holds you tighter, his body tightening as he came with a low moan of your name. 

He keeps his arm wrapped around you, his face resting on your neck as he catches his breath. A smile on his face as he feels you shower him in kisses all around his face well as much as he lets you. You sigh and close your eyes as he kisses you neck leaving three consecutive pecks.

> > > > >

Harry came back with a wet cloth to help clean you clean up. He was gentle different to how this night started. You find yourself wanting to spend more time with him and you hoped he wanted the same. You’re getting settled in bed together you in your matching black lace bra and undies. Harry stays in the nude letting you know he sleeps like this most of the time. 

Harry decides the break the silence.

“It doesn’t take much to get you into bed.” He chuckles.

You are taken back. What the hell is that supposed to mean?

“What?” 

Harry hears the change in your tone. “Relax, I didn’t mean to be rude.”

You are quick to jump out of bed and throw on your pants, top and blazer in under a minute. All while Harry is staring at you dumbfounded. “No, but you did just want to get in my pants.” 

Harry doesn’t know what to do. He never meant to upset her. He isn’t even sure why he said that. He has never felt this way about a girl and he just ruined it. 

“I was dumb enough to think you actually liked me.” You finish putting on your boots and make your way towards his door not sparing him another glance. 

“I did.” He corrects himself. “I do. I do.” He’s getting desperate. 

“No need to feed me lies. I’ll make this easy for you and leave.” Your throat is closing up but you don’t want to cry over him. 

“Don’t leave!” He glances at the clock and pauses. “Give it a few minutes they’ll say something if you walk out now.” 

You start seeing red. “What!” You turn to him and he sees the anger and hurt in your eyes and he hates it because he caused this. “If I walk out that door will one of your stupid friends be there.” 

Harry doesn’t know what to respond they could be but no one saw them go up so you should be safe. At least he hopes. “No.” He knows half these guys suck but Mitch and him have told them they don’t take terrible behavior especially towards women. “They may be jerks but they aren’t disrespectful.” 

Your stare is cold as you take one final look at Harry. You’re out the door in the next second. Harry stands at the door when a yell snaps both your gazes to someone at the bottom of the stairs.

Jed, the jerk no one likes, including Harry shouts, “Looks like Harry got the girl.” Cheers erupt right after. You’re not exactly sure what Jed tells the friend next to him but by the way he’s eyeing you it’s not something you want repeated. 

You stand there shocked not knowing if you want to cry or punch someone. You turn to look at Harry to see if he’ll do anything but what he does next breaks your heart. He shuts the door in your face. You scoff wanting to go in and punch him but ultimately decide he isn’t the one who deserves it right now. 

You walk down the stairs head held high and at this point no one is staring at you anymore. Jed has his back turned to you so you tap his shoulder he turns and looks at you with a smug smile. Not for long you tell yourself. Right fist is shut tight but not enough to cut off the circulation. You bring it up quickly and swing. All that can be heard is high pitch scream, music and conversations fall dead. 

Jed falls to the ground and looks up at you in a daze not believing what just happened. You have nothing to add and walk out the front door. You slam the door closed just as Harry slams his door open. You’re in your car in seconds shaking from the adrenaline, you take a few deep breaths and check your phone to see your friends have already left. You’re thankful but not at all excited to explain this story tomorrow.

> > > > >

November 2nd

You had the morning shift at the bookstore and you are thankful to finally be leaving. It’s awful having a shift where no one walks in, especially when you’re working alone having no one to talk to. During the shift your friends came in for a quick chat just to make sure you were really fine. Nick brought you a muffin and a coffee while Carmen went on a rant letting you know she’d beat up anyone who spoke a word about you. None of you mentioned Harry. You could tell they wanted to but you were sure you’d cry if you said his name. As annoying as he could be he was sweetheart around you. Too bad it’s over.

Amy walked in at twelve for the shift change. You clocked out and grabbed your bag from the small lockers in the back room. Amy was quick to grab a book and was sitting in the red chair next to the register. 

“Jed totally had that coming. Glad you and Harry gave him a lesson.” Amy starts talking as you  almost made it to the door. You turn around hoping she’ll continue and she does. “ Harry came down in shoes and sweats ready to attack but stopped when he saw Jed holding his jaw his lip bleeding. You could tell he was upset someone beat him to the punch.”

You’re shocked no one had told you that Harry actually made it out of his room. “What happened next.” You’re shocked at how much you care.

Amy shot you a smile. “Jed was about to start bitching when Harry punched him then kneed him in the balls but didn’t do more as Mitch finally showed up. He kicked Jed out and the other boys threw his clothes out the window. It was epic.” You laughed as she finished the story. “Have you talked to Harry.?”

You sign and shake your head no. “I don’t know how to go about this. I’ve never felt this strongly about a guy and then have it all ruined.”

Amy shoots you a comforting smile. “If there’s anything my girl has taught me is that hearing them out is important and how you feel after that is how you should go about it. You alone with your head may ruin a beautiful connection that not many are lucky to have.”

You lean down and give her a tight hug. “I might not say this enough but I love you. I’ll reach out to him and let you know how it goes.”

As you’re walking out the door you can’t help the smile on your face. Maybe, just maybe Harry was different.

> > > > >

Walking into the apartment you know something is wrong. You can feel it and that worries you because you’re supposed to be alone for the day. Carmen is out with her family celebrating her sister’s birthday. You pick up the baseball bat that lays behind the front door that Nick gifted you as a housewarming present (honestly you know he got it from goodwill). As you approach the hallway you hold the baseball hat in one hand and call Carmen hoping she will answer you. She answers after two rings and you don’t let her get a word in.

“I think someone broke in.” You whisper steps light. “I am ready to swing, looks like they are in my room.” 

Your door is shut but you hear the sound of your desk chair creaking.You’re about to open the door forgetting you’re still on the phone. A scream is what stops you from opening the door. “DROP THE BASEBALL BAT PLEASE!!!!” Carmen sounds exhausted. “IT'S HARRY.”

You pause and open the door quickly startling Harry making him stand from the chair he was sitting in. A plush Zero resting in his large hands making the stuffed present look smaller than it actually is. Harry is standing shocked green eyes on the baseball bat which you drop just as quickly. It lands with a thud. You bring your phone to your ear and continue looking at Harry. 

“Can I punch him?” You ask Carmen in a sweet voice trying your best not to laugh because you want to get a reaction out of Harry.

“No.” She pauses. “I would have said yes if he hadn’t explained so do us a favor and hear him out. We wouldn’t have let him in if we knew he was going to cause more trouble. Love you.” Carmen doesn’t give you a chance to answer back and hangs up. 

You throw your phone to your bed and that is when you take a look around your room. It’s different, it’s decorated for Halloween even though you remember you didn’t do that this year which means Harry did it for you. 

Orange pumpkin lights hang above your head giving it a nice glow. Scattered around on your once empty wall are bats of all sizes. Your window has hanging leaves falling and it looks beautiful. Your old bean bag is covered in a pumpkin blanket with all kinds of candies spread over it. You spot Oreos in the mix and that is what brings the first smile to your face. Finally, you look over at Harry who looks nervous, it looks like he’s sweating. 

Shit.

Guess he really is suffering a bit. You’re about to finally say something but your attention is on his chest specifically his pecs that have a ghost with bee’s bottoms on them. It says boo bees. This causes you to start laughing and you take a seat on your bed. Once you calm down you look over at Harry and give him a small smile which he happily returns. 

“You went to the Target sale for me?”

Harry is surprised that’s your first question but answers it nonetheless. “Figured I deserved a bit of chaos in my life.” 

You nod and look at your TV that is set up to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas realizing Harry wants to hang out with you and this is his way of apologizing or well half apologizing.

“This was very kind of you.” You grab the box of Oreos and grab one splitting it in half. “You can see yourself out. Seeing as you found your way in.”

Harry is not surprised your kicking him out but you didn’t even bother to hear his apology. Heck, you didn’t even ask about it. Harry doesn’t fight you on it and walks out quickly not wanting you to see his tears. 

Your room door shuts and you feel bad. Harry was sweet but he did hurt you. Letting him suffer is the right choice, right? As you’re finishing your first oreo, your phone rings.

“Did you kick him out?” 

“Yup” You reply. 

“It’s not nice letting him suffer.” She sighs, you know she’s fed up with you. 

“I suffered.” You remind her. 

“He’s going to cry. He is probably crying.” 

“I’m on my way. I’ll fix it, let him break my heart again.” You’re giggling as you say this.

“Dramatic bitch.” She yells and hangs up.

You hurry out your door just as you hear the front door closing and move even quicker. He’s waiting for the elevator that takes too long to come up. 

“Hey sparky,” His head snaps quickly to look at you. “You’re really going to leave me to eat all this candy on my own.” You shake your head at him but you’re smiling and now so is he. He takes small steps towards you. “Who will take care of me when I crash from all the sugar?”

“You want me to stay?” Harry questions wanting to make sure he is understanding what you’re saying.

“I do believe you owe my some cuddles.” 

He’s standing in front of you now. “Can I kiss you?”

You’re shocked at the question but shake your head no. “If we make it through a movie and I decide I like your cuddling then you can give me as many kisses and i-” he cuts you off.

“Get ready for the world’s best cuddles.” Harry leads the way back to your room. 

You’re getting settled in your bed with Harry to your right. You decide since you’re doing cuddles might as well go all in which is why your head is laying on his firm pecs. You’re thankful for the short sleeve shirt because you get to admire his tattoos a bit more. 

“Why aren’t you letting me apologize?” Harry questions his hand rubs up and down your back softly. 

“I already know what happened after I left and that’s enough for me.” You sit up to look at him. You bring your left hand to cup his cheek and he leans into you. “This is a fresh start. No, annoying Harry and no sassy reply from me.” You lean in and give his forehead a soft kiss.

You settle back down and let out a small giggle when Harry gives you a sweet forehead kiss.

“Now Sparky, press play.”

Surprisingly, you and Harry spend the whole time watching the movie. Sharing your snacks equally. More like you moving the oreos every time Harry’s hand made its way to the box. Harry singing along with Jack that made you laugh so loud that Harry couldn’t help but join you. He was making this whole waiting to kiss so much harder. You’ve watched this movie many times so you know the end is near and so does Harry as he seems to tighten his hold on your waist. It feels nice, like he was always meant to be holding you. 

The finale is starting and that is when you have enough and sit up but you move so quickly that the next thing you know you’re on Harry’s lap and connecting your lips to his. 

Harry hums in appreciation. His left hand on your cheek and right hand on your waist. This is perfect. 

You pull away and laugh when Harry chases your lips. He slowly opens his eyes looking up at you. Your lips wet and plump all by his doing. You’re beautiful and he’s lucky enough to be here with you in his arms.

“There’s not much left in the movie, let’s finish it.” You make to turn around but Harry tightens his hold on you. 

“No” Harry pouts. “Lets kiss some more”

“Harry,” You start but he interrupts you.

“Pumpkin, this more fun.”

“Eh” you fake looking at your nails. 

“That’s it.” 

Harry flips you over so your laying on your back and he’s straddling you. He begins kissing you everywhere. Your cheeks, nose, neck, nowhere is left untouched. 

The room is filled with love and laughter. Each kiss getting deeper and deeper. After each kiss falling deeper in love with one another.

For it is plain as anyone can see, we’re simply meant to be.

> > > > > 

FEEDBACK IS WELCOMED AND APPRECIATED

[newagesispage]

                                                              FEBRUARY             2021

 PAGE RIB

 The contents of someone’s bookcase are part of their history, like an ancestral portrait. –Umberto Eco

*****

The world is about to change with Biden and Harris in office. It is great to have Harris in there. More women in power is so important. Women don’t think with their dicks. I mean, a pussy likes to fuck just as much but we can also get some work done. Men are rarely as good at multitasking.  The inauguration went off with high security after the Trump insurrection. 5 were killed as the traitors stormed the Capitol on Jan. 6 but Biden still became the President on the 20th. Hooray for Pastor Raphael Warnock and Jon Osoff in Georgia for taking the Senate. We are off to an interesting start with Merrick Garland nominated for AG.** Janet Yellen is the 78th US Treasury secretary and the first woman!**John Kerry is the envoy for climate and Pete Buttigieg is up for secretary of transportation. ** Biden reversed the ban on transgender troops, stopped the Muslim ban and signed many other executive orders.

*****

Kudos to Bill Maher for giving out  his Baldy award and talking about Henry Waxman. And I was glad to see Waxman mention it and the many others who do the hard work, the real work of running this country.

*****

Elon Musk is now the world’s richest person.

*****

Did ya see the Wendy Williams night on Lifetime?  I have known friends and family with her behavior, this complete lack of self- confidence and yet completely self -absorbed. Yes, she was married to a jack ass and she can be entertaining but whew.. high drama.  I learned one thing.. Her Father and brother are HOT!!

*****

Neil Young sold stake in 50% of his song catalogue to Hipgnosis songs fund in Britain.

*****

John Mulaney is in rehab.

*****

The Little things with Jared Leto, Denzel and Rami Malek was tops at the Box Office.

*****

Olivia Wilde and Harry Styles?? Ooh la la!! What a beautiful couple!!

*****

Thank you Cleveland Browns for all the hope!!** And..C’mon Packers.. U should have won that!!** Seahawk Chad Wheeler was arrested for domestic abuse.

*****

Think before you speak, read before you think. –Fran Leibowitz

*****

The Zodiac killer cipher was solved by amateur codebreakers David Orandak in Virginia, Jarl Van Eycke in Belgium and Sam Blake in Australia more than 50 years later.

*****

Rebel with Katey Sagal looks pretty good.

*****

Richard Lewis will not be in season 11 of Curb due to his many surgeries. Miss ya Richard!!

*****

Elliot Page has filed for divorce from Emma Portner.

*****

In the ‘some things never go away’ category, there are new shows coming of V.C. Andrews and the Great Gatsby.

*****

Dylan McDermott is joining Christopher Meloni in Law and Order: Organized Crime.

*****

Cigarette sales are up.

*****

Crayola is recycling old markers at colorcycle. Never throw away markers again! Less Waste!

*****

Days alert: The big reveal FINALLY came on Days about Gwen from Peoria. She thinks she is Jack’s daughter! It looks like the DNA will prove it. The plot will thicken as Laura returns with a secret and bad things happen to her. Susan Banks is also back and gets in the middle of a couple of stories. I am always glad to see Ivan but unfortunately Vivian is close behind. The twins story should come to a head. Please don’t push Rafe and Nicole together!! Word is that Patch and Kayla will remarry on their old anniversary of Valentine’s Day!! Best of all, Ciara is back and has thoughts of Romeo and Juliet. Find her Ben, before you get close to Claire.

*****

Tom Brokaw has retired from NBC after 55 years. I remember when he retired from the news desk way back when.

*****

Ex- Chester county Sheriff Carolyn Welsh has been charged with stealing from a K-9 unit charity.

*****

Succession has added Sanaa Latham, Jihae and Linda Edmond.

*****

People are filling in for Robert Costa on Washington Week while he is off with Bob Woodward writing their book.  Yamiche Alcindor was a great host!!!!

*****

Some last headlines and thoughts and facts about the end of the worst Presidency in our history. Let’s hope this is the last of the news about the Traitor in chief except for paying for his crimes. Unity does not mean there are no consequences for criminals. Make no mistake Trump and some of his followers are criminals. **Here are a few things I ran across: Vanilla Ice played Mar A Lago for NY Eve.** After the riot many rats started to jump ship like Elaine Chao, Hope Hicks and Betsy Devos. The American Federation of Teachers reaction to Betsy Devos resignation: “Good Riddance.”** Mo Brooks had told the crowd, “Take names and kick ass.” Plans for a Sen. Hawley book were scrapped.** Adam Kinzinger of Illinois was one of the first to call for the 25th amendment that never happened.** People are trying to get to the bottom of the Riot with questions like, “Who paid for the buses?” ** These types of people are the reason we can’t have nice things. **  Scary Clown is off Twitter for good. Funny how it took Senators, companies and voters so long, 2 weeks before he leaves office to make him a pariah. Trump was too dangerous for twitter but not for the nuclear codes?? ** To anyone complaining about a private media co. kicking Trump off their platform: Think of twitter as a Christian bakery and Trump as a wedding cake. _William Cusack**The riot proved that blue lives really don’t matter to them.** U.S. rep for Colorado Lauren Boebert was given $70,500 by Ted Cruz just as he asked for a probe into Netflix. Her husband, Jayson was arrested for exposing himself to a minor and for domestic abuse.** Trump was impeached again.** “Republican colleagues broke down in tears saying that Republicans are afraid for their lives if they vote for this impeachment.- Congressman Jason Crow.** Mike Pompeo cancelled his European trip after Luxemburg’s foreign minister and top European union officials declined to meet him.**232 was the number of votes to impeach him and the number of electoral vote in his loss to Biden.**Trump’s interior secretary had his own flag** Trumps EPA guy made super- secret phone calls in his own phone booth and had 24 hour security.** Toby Keith and Ricky Scaggs received the National medal of arts. ** The Supreme Court tossed out a lawsuit claiming that Trump violated the emoluments clause. ** Dominion voting systems sued Rudy.** Trumps impeachment lawyers, Butch Bowers and Deb Barbier quit. Word is that they refused to say the election was stolen. The new team seems to include Bruce Castor who would not prosecute Bill Cosby and Epstein’s would be lawyer David Schoen. That sounds about right.

*****

Hey Manson didn’t stab anyone. Incitement is a real crime. –Michael Mckean.

*****

ABC News President James Goldston has resigned.

*****

Everyone is talking about the SNL Krasinski/Davidson kiss.

*****

The NRA is bankrupt.

*****

Lenny Kravitz paid tribute to his Godmother, Cicely Tyson.

*****

Colbert could take a tip from Larry King. Ask simple direct questions and let the interviewee talk. We are watching to hear what they have to say. The beginning of the show is the host’s moment so shut up later!!

*****

R.I.P. Dan Dettman, Floyd Little, Pierre Cardin, Phyllis Mcguire, George Gerdes, Joan Micklin Silver, Carl Panzram, Gerry Marsden, Tanya Roberts, Kerry Vincent, KT Oslin, Tommy Lasorda, Michael Apted, Dave Creek, Jamie O’Hara, Dr. H. Jack Geiger, William Link, Neil Shehan, Joanne Rogers, Duke Bootee, Phil Spector, Don Sutton, Siegfried, Sheldon Adelson, Larry King, Ved Mehta, Bruce Kirby, Cicely Tyson and Cloris Leachman.

[citylightsbooks]

5 Questions with Megan Fernandes, Author of Good Boys

Megan Fernandes is a writer and academic living in New York City. She is the author of The Kingdom and After (Tightrope Books 2015) and the new book of poems, Good Boys (published by Tin House). Her work has been published or is forthcoming in the New Yorker, Tin House, Ploughshares, Denver Quarterly, Chicago Review, Boston Review, Rattle, Pank, the Common, Guernica, the Academy of American Poets, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency, among others. She is a poetry reader for The Rumpus and an Assistant Professor of English at Lafayette College. She holds a PhD in English from the University of California, Santa Barbara and an MFA in poetry from Boston University. She reads from her new book Good Boys with special guests at City Lights Bookstore on Tuesday, February 25th.

***

City Lights: If you’ve been to City Lights before, what’s your memory of the visit? If you haven’t been here before, what are you expecting?

Megan Fernandes: Of all the places I’m reading this Spring (and it’s probably not politic to say this), I am most excited to read at City Lights. I’ve never been, but I understood at a very young age that the bookstore symbolized possibility, spontaneity, digression, lostness, community, etc. As a teenager, I read a lot of Beat literature, my favorites being Dharma Bums, In the Night Café, and everything Ginsberg. I was compelled by their portraits of America’s expansiveness. And I also just think as an immigrant kid not born in the USA, the Beats gave me some sense of American geography. I went to Colorado for the first time last year and I had this memory of my first impression of Colorado as a place described in On the Road. When traveling across the country, I often have Ferlinghetti’s feverish, twitchy, carnivalesque poetics in my head. I also think in this indirect way, Beat literature shaped some of my thoughts around feminist thinking as I was conscious of my orientation as outside certain privileges of the “male, womanizing adventurer” often romanticized in Beat lit. I had to interrogate what it meant to feel intimacies with Ginsberg and Duncan who were destabilizing masculinities and cultural logics of hate. 

And so what I learned from City Lights and Beat lit is really something about the relationship between myth-making and counter-culture communities. I’m understanding the truly expansive network of the movement in so much more detail right now while reading an advanced copy of a fabulous new book called The Beats: A Literary History by Steven Belletto. 

What are you reading right now?

I’m reading a book called Dapper Dan: Made in Harlem, co-written by Dapper Dan himself and my good friend, Mikael Awake. It’s a history of Dapper Dan’s iconic work in fashion, of course, while being really intimate. And it’s just as much a history of his family’s internal dynamics and, through his family, New York City at large. In particular, 1970’s NYC is so vividly, brilliantly wrought in this book.

There’s this one section where Dap is at Iona College at a lecture on protohistory and the professor, a Czech immigrant, tells the class that “In order for man to have survived during those ancient times… he must have had powers that he doesn’t have now. The only people that could possibly still have these powers today are the black and brown people on the planet” and when Dap hears this, he is transfixed. He says: “This is one of the most esteemed scholars at Iona College telling a packed lecture hall that black and brown people were the only ones on the planet who still had spiritual powers. How come this was my first time hearing about that? I looked around. I was the only black student in the class. I wasn’t tired anymore. He had my full attention… I said to myself, This is what I need to know. This is how I need to formulate myself.” I’m loving how the book captures these intense moments of transformation. I love that word choice: formulate. What poetic agency is modeled in that word? I needed that word the moment I read it. 

Recently, I’ve also read Samiya Bashir’s Field Theories and Edgar Kunz’s Tap Out. Samiya wrote this legitimately weird and imaginative book that feels like it’s made out of the time-space continuum. Some cosmic materiality is really showing up in that book. I remember this line: “A body. A zoo. A lovely savannah. Walls of clear, clean glass” and I’m just on a ride with the musicality of her shifting assonance. Plus, I know that writers like June Jordan and Toni Cade Bambara are operating influences/specters of the book and you can feel that energy. Edgar’s book is more narrative and quieter, but so devastating. I sort of get what makes his speakers tenderize if that makes sense. I think it’s the same phenomena that tenderizes me, too.

Some of my favorite novels of recent years includes A Questionable Shape by Bennett Sims, The Small Backs of Children by Lidia Yuknavitch, Sonora by Hannah Lillith Assadi, and very recently, The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead.

What book or writer do you always find yourself recommending?

I think Jean Toomer’s Cane is the most beautiful book of the 20th century. I remember just being blown away by its call and response, the repeating imagery of sun and smoke and pines. That book is so stunning. Other astounding work that I always recommend includes Mebvh McGuckian’s Captain Lavender, Anne Carson’s The Autobiography of Red, Evie Shockley’s The New Black, Franz Wright’s Walking to Martha’s Vineyard, Eleni Sikelianos’ Body Clock, Jorie Graham’s The Errancy, Bhanu Kapil’s The Vertical Interrogation of Strangers, The Collected Poems of W.B. Yeats, and Galway Kinnell and Hannah Liebmann’s translations of Rilke. Those are my hard-hitters. Those books are why I became a poet. 

What writers/artists/people do you find the most influential to the writing of this book and/or your writing in general?

You know, I collected poems while I was writing and editing this book. And I think those specific poems created a kind of constellation around me, almost protective, that kept me writing. Some of those poems include “The Long Recovery” by Ellen Bass, “A Matter of Balance,” by Evie Shockley, “What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why” by Edna St. Vincent Millay, “I am Not Seaworthy” by Toni Morrison, “Becoming Regardless” by Jack Spicer, “A New Bride Almost Visible in Latin” by Jack Gilbert, “To the Young Who Want to Die” by Gwendolyn Brooks and many, many others. Definitely O’Hara as well. He never leaves me. The most important poem of that little self-curated archive is Frank Bidart’s “Visions at 74” where he writes: “To love existence / is to love what is indifferent to you.” I remember reading that line and just losing it. I have been guided by so much of Bidart. And maybe my book is a little bit about how to sustain rage in the face of that which is indifferent to you, what cannot love you (both personally and abstractly). How do you sustain rage so as to not fall into despair?

I also listened to a variety of music while writing and editing. A mix between contemporary sad kid hip-hop, old school jazz and blues, gospel, 80’s bands, pop culture queens, 1970’s hypnotic modal vamp, classical Spanish guitar, electronic pop, really pretty varied. A few names that come to mind: KOTA the Friend, NoName, Vince Staples, Travis Scott, Miles Davis Quintet, Bessie Smith, Sam Cooke, The Knocks, Solange, Archie Shepp, Pharoah Sanders, Alice Coltrane, Big Mama Thornton, Miriam Makeba, Kamasi Washington, Thompson Twins, Misfits, Bowie, Talking Heads, Tears for Fears, Cher, Whitney Houston, Portishead, Goldfrapp, Memphis Slim, Dinah Washington, Alberto Iglesias, Gustavo Santaolalla, Holychild, Blood Orange, etc.

If you opened a bookstore, where would it be located, what would it be called, and what would your bestseller be?

My grandpa played violin on a ship that sailed between Tanga, Tanzania and Goa, India. I never had the chance to meet him. He died when my dad was sixteen, but I always thought about what that journey might have looked and felt like, its many hardships, but also the wonder of gazing out at the sea playing strings. For that reason, I’d love to open a bookstore that focused specifically on Indian Ocean diaspora and sold books exclusively by authors working, uncovering, or investigating the literature of that oceanic rim. I think there is something rich in thinking about books not necessarily focused on nation-statehood but thinking more about a kind of social-imaginary with a literature that is messy in its conceptualization and crosses, migrates, misses, and mythologizes across many cultures over generations. You could have sections on food, underwater exploration, piracy, long-distance intimacy, trade routes, empire, transnational feminism. I like the idea of a bookstore that is anti-genre and instead, organized by associative thinking and imagination. It would be a logistical nightmare. You would never find what you were looking for, but you might find something you didn’t know existed.

So yes, I’d vote for a little homegrown network of bookstores in India, East Africa, and actually, maybe one of them in Lisbon which is a city that has a long (and problematic) history with the Indian Ocean. I’ve spent a lot of time in Lisbon the past eight years of my life, spending time visiting family and researching the history of the Portuguese empire especially as it relates to my family history (my folks are third generation East African Portuguese colonized Indians). I have a lot of conflicting homelands which is a way of saying that there are times when I feel like I have nothing but a rootless present. That’s something I investigate in my work, that weird (a)temporality. And I’m drawn to the particular light of Lisbon which is quite unusual. I’d call the bookstore “Malaika” which means “Angel” in Swahili and is the favorite folk song of my parents who grew up in Tanzania. I like the idea of a bookstore in Lisbon with the name in Swahili run by a Goan-Canadian-American woman. That’s the world I grew up in… one of multiplicities. 

[medea10]

My Review of Fushigi Yugi

[kokkuri3]

Pandora hearts !

Favorite character:

LACIE because I am incredibly predictable and she is literally exactly my type. I would fucking die for her. I have a lot of close seconds tho

Least Favorite character:

Levi. Yeah ofc Lacie stan hates him but like. Literally what did he do other than abuse Lacie and degrade Leo also be vaguely homophobic towards Oswald ig. I mean other than cause problems on purpose and be a weirdo about women in general ig. It’s so fuckin weird to me that he ranked so high on the popularity contest but what Fucking ever

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

I’m gonna be honest I don’t really like... most ? Romantic ships in PH ? Because all of the character relationships are really well written but also fundamentally fucked up so I don’t really ship anything... with that said I’m still fond of Oz/Elliot and/or Elliot/Leo bc they’re considerably more normal than the others and Jack/Oswald still fucks me up sometimes thought I don’t ship them per se.

Character I find most attractive:

Personally none of the PH characters are dateable to me. They’re all men or a woman who’s like. You know her for months on end as a friend and gradually grow close to and experience kind of lesbian longing for her but figure she’s straight bc she never brings it up and has a boyfriend until one day she comes to you sobbing bc turns out her boyfriend is an awful fucking person and you were right when you told her to break up with him and after she comes and cries for a couple hours she mentions that she’s actually bisexual and you end up making out for a while and then she leaves and you’re just kind of sad and unsatisfied and so you call up the next day and she doesn’t answer and then you never see her again. Ada.

Character I would marry:

See above but I think completely sexlessly I would marry Gil. He’d be a good husband genuinely and as a fellow homosexuals I think an understanding could be reached

Character I would be best friends with:

Kinda want to say Gil bc he’s like. A very good mix of well adjusted and utter disaster. This man does things regularly and with purpose but only so he doesn’t have to confront any of his mental health problems and I have a lot of respect for that

A random thought:

None of the PH characters are “dateable” but Jack is so pretty like I can’t even get mad at all of the characters for throwing common sense out the window around him like I get it. I get it. I get i

An unpopular opinion:

There’s actually a ton to joke about wrt Vincent’s character that isn’t That One Thing and everyone should take advantage of that. Also he’s just really well written character in general so I personally see no shame in ‘liking’ him for that but be normal about it like y’all can accept he’s a villain and a really bad person and appreciate his writing simultaneously

My canon OTP:

No

Non-canon OTP:

No

Most badass character:

LACIE fuck all of you

Pairing I am not a fan of:

I mean p much all of the canon ones are intentionally supposed to be Not That Likable since the vast majority of the canon ones are based on the predatory man/abused and/or manipulated girl/woman dynamic and all of the other ones tend to be otherwise fucked up/uncomfortable 

As far as ones that aren’t like explicitly bad in canon I don’t really like Alice/Oz just on the basis that it’s . Like . I once said something along the lines of “It’s like if Christopher Robin grew up and fucked Winnie the Pooh” or something

OH ALSO ADA/VINCENT is like a really ambiguous case in canon but it’s still bad to ship a high schooler and a 23yo even if the high schooler is an adult esp w how Vincent is In General and how... gross he acts towards her at the beginning of their relationship

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

SHARON she got done so dirty!!! Mochizuki really forgot to give her a character arc outside of Break until the last possible moment huh!!! Anyway she deserved better and I wish she had interacted w Gil more since they had next to nothing and Alice bc their dynamic was really cute!!!!! I loved them !!!!!! PH was kinda : / about its female characters in general tho bc How your coping with womanhood go, Mochizuki Sensei? Pretty good it does not seem

Favourite friendship:

I see Golden Trio and I go ham. They’re so important

[all-hail-the-witcher]

questionable government spies: chapter 13

AYYYY WE RETURN WITH ANOTHER INSTALLMENT OF EVERYONES FAVORITE AUUUUUU

also I wrote this in research class, global issues, and while watching a cowboy movie so sorry if its not The Best

MASTERLIST

_________

ship: eventual sprace, platonic ralbertttt

warnings: mentioned prostitiution or porn or something but its really just a joke kids, Tense Talk, really long words that may or may not be in English, mentioned bad family relations but nothing explicit

editing: nope none at all

words: like maybe 2k

_________

“Okay, say it again but slower this time,” Race said as Spot unlocked the backdoor and ushered them up the stairwell. It was just the two of them, but two blocks away Albert and Jack sat in the van, ready to come at a moments notice.

“The head responded to our email,” Spot said rather unhelpfully. Race was about to press for more information when Spot cut him off. “I didn't read it, I came right to get you guys. I didn't want to, like, set off an alarm or something. I don't understand how tech stuff works.”

Race smirked at his innocence. Spot had much to learn.

“Luckily for you ‘tech stuff’ is basically my job description, so I’ll make sure you don't get blown up or something.” Jack’s voice in his ear reminded Race that as much as he would like to be, he and Spot were not alone right now. He had to be careful.

“Your job description is actually ‘agent in training.’ Race and I just make you do the tech stuff cause we suck at it.”

“I do not suck at it!” Race piped up, feeling the need to defend his honor. “You're the one who got us banned from Uganda because you accidentally sent that email to the wrong person and then on top of it included that attachment with the picture of-”

“Alright I’m gonna stop you there,” Jack interrupted. “I do not need to hear about the porn Albert has on his computer thank you very much.”

“IT WASN'T PORN!” Albert screamed so loud that both Race and Spot winced. “I swear to god you guys are going to get me arrested, all I did was send the wrong spreadsheet!”

“You keep telling yourself that,” Jack mumbled and Race couldn't help but smile.

“And to think,” Spot mumbled. “These are the people who are protecting our country.”

“At least we’re good looking,” Race winked, earning a laugh from both Jack and Albert.

“You do have that going for you yeah,” Spot said casually.

Race stopped dead in his tracks. Did Spot really mean that? Had all of his snow jokes actually paid off? Race could hardly believe it. But, maybe he was just saying that? There was no way of Race knowing, and unluckily for him before he could ask Spot what he had meant they were turning the corner toward Oscar’s office and smack into-

“Checks!” Spot exclaimed, clearly caught off guard. “I was just- we were just… you know, walking to, uh, I was just showing Philip here, the uh, um…”

Albert sighed loudly in Race’s comms. “Dear god, please shut him up.”

“You’ll have to excuse him,” Race said, rolling his eyes for extra emphasis. “Spot was just showing me how to give someone a concussion using a shoelace and a rubber band and I think he might have taught me a little too well, if you're picking up what I’m putting down here.”

“Not exactly what I had in mind but okay that works.”

“Yeah Spot’s one of our top fighters,” Checks said, immediately warming more up to the the story now that Spot wasn't the one who was talking. “But he’s not the best teacher so I’m not surprised that his tactics backfired.”

“Yeah,” Race laughed. Spot, to his credit, managed to look dazed and confused.

“Oh and boys,” Checks said over her shoulder. “You didn't hear this from me, but I may have heard from Oscar that we’re getting assigned another mission tomorrow, so be sure to arrive on time.”

“We will!” Race called as Checks flounced down the hallway away from them.

“I don't like her very much,” Jack said, but his comment was overpowered by Spot.

“REALLY?” He whisper shouted, shoving Race into the wall. “I would never  get a concussion! My heads too thick!”

“Well that's for sure,” Race snickered and Spot glared at him, putting his hands on either side of his shoulders.

Spot continued to glare at Race, unmoving from his slightly seductive position.

“So, pretty boy,” Race ventured. “You plan on moving? Or are we gonna canoodle here all day? Cause I’m down with either, but I wouldn’t object to a little good old-fashioned canoodling…”

Thankfully, Albert and Spot had the sense to stay silent for once.

“You better watch it Phillip,” Spot spat. And then, as if realizing how close they were, slowly backed away.

They walked down the hall in silence for a few hundred feet, the awkward tension hovering thickly in the air making Race’s heart beat in excitement, until they reached Oscar’s office.

“Alright so he’s out at a manager meeting or something,” Spot said, “but I still think Vincent and Bow should check the cameras and stuff just in case.”

“On it,” Jack mumbled through the line. Then, a few minutes later, “all clear.”

Spot and Race entered the room and Spot sat down in front of the computer, opening the email in question after getting the all clear from Jack.

Race leaned over Spot’s shoulder, enjoying the scent of his cologne as he read the email out loud for Jack and Albert to hear.

“00171,

Bemuzzles chemosynthesis x1 conversationalists fizzy jazzily a deconstructionists fuzz parasympathomimetic x2 hypercholesterolemia bioluminescence x3 thyroparathyroidectomized unprepossessing antiauthoritarianisms comprehensibleness x4 whizzbang paleontologist ultraconservative buckminsterfullerenes chazzanim chlorofluorocarbon psychophysicotherapeutics xy5 schnozzle x6 i acetylcholine x7 anthropomorphous razzmatazzes a chemosynthesis antidepressant zigzagged characteristic jejunum x8 buckminsterfullerene discombobulated x9 plasmodesmata jujus zanza oophorosalpingectomy x10 clinicopathologically alphanumerically x11 carboxymethylcelluloses frizzling counterdemonstration zyzzyvas x12 i quinquennium crackerjacks x-”

“Did you just say crackerjacks?” Albert interrupted, much to Race’s relief because his tongue was getting twisted from all the big, fancy, probably-not-english words.

“Yeah I think so?” Race squinted at the screen. “I’m not really sure what I’m reading at this point.”

“I want some crackerjacks.” Albert said unhelpfully. “They slap.”

“I once cracked my tooth on a crackerjack,” Spot added as he printed out the email.

“My older brother proposed to his girlfriend by putting a ring in a box of crackerjacks,” Race said without thinking before quickly shutting his mouth and shaking off the memory. Spot noticed and gave him a suspicious glance, but said nothing, which Race was thankful for.

“You know, that's great and all, but I would really appreciate it if you guys printed that email and came back to the van so that I can start solving that code cause it sounds like its gonna take a hot minute.”

“Hold your horses ear boy,” Race said, grabbing the email off of the printer with a flourish. “We’ll be there in two wags of a ferrets tail.”

•••

“I’m pretty sure that that was longer than two wags of a ferrets tail,” Jack exclaimed, throwing down the poker cards he was holding, Albert following suit, albeit begrudgingly.

“How would you know how fast a ferret can wag its tail hmmmmm?” Race said, fanning himself with the printed email. “Does your uncle own a ferret farm like mine does?”

“You have an uncle?” Jack asked, reaching for the paper as Race held it above his head out of Jack’s reach.

“Doesn’t everyone?” Race asked, whacking Jack on the head lightly with the papers, but giving them to him all the same. Jack stalked off toward his work station and began mumbling to himself about code. Meanwhile, Race sat down and picked up Jack’s forgotten cards. “I can’t believe you started a game of poker without me!” he exclaimed.

“We didn't,” Albert said, flicking a card at Race. “Those are Uno cards you dumbass.”

Race flicked over his cards in disbelief, opening his mouth to say something but he was cut off by Spot.

“So,” Spot was saying, sitting down on the floor of the van slowly. “Do you, like, live here?”

“Who, me?” Albert asked.

“Yes you.”

“Why are you asking?” Albert crossed his arms.

“You just seem like the kind of guy who would live in a van.”

“What’s it to you?”

“You have weird energy. I don't like it.”

“‘Weird energy’?”

“Yeah,” Spot’s eyes narrowed. “You're hiding something.”

Race’s eyes flicked back and forth between the two men. Obviously, Spot was prone to not trusting people because of his line of work, and Albert did have a lot of secrets, but Race had always trusted him. He had never had any reason not to. Unless- no, he had just met Spot. He wasn't letting him trick him into not trusting his best friend.

“We all hide things,” Albert said matter of factly, but Race could tell from the slight tremor in his hand that he was nervous.

“Of course we do,” Spot said, looking down at the floor, his eyes unmoving from the space between his feet as he sat in silence.

Race, unsure of what to do chose this opportunity to whistle very loudly and very very offkey until Albert shot him a look. Then he began obsessively shuffling the cards again and again.

Finally, Jack let out a yell of excitement. “I GOT IT!”

“That was fast,” Race said, moving over to make room for Jack. “What does the email say?”

“Aaaaahemmmm,” Jack dramatically cleared his throat. “0071,

In regards to your inquiry, I am planning to meet up with all of my heads on the 14th of december. Location is yet to be determined. I have some new information relating to our upcoming changes that will be revealed at this time. More details to come.

6197”

“Well then,” Spot said, suddenly materializing over Race’s shoulder. “Guess we gotta mark our calendars.”

“Indeed we do,” Albert said, standing up. “In the meantime though, the three of us will look more into this, and you can keep us updated on any weird happenstances with the gang. But for now, your services are no longer needed.” He tipped his snapback toward Spot in mock gratitude. “Good day.”

Spot winked at Race and nodded to Jack before opening the van door and climbing out wordlessly.

“‘Good day’?” Race snickered as he and Albert climbed into the front seats. “What are you, Australian?”

“Well, Australia doesn’t exist and neither do I so…”

“That's true!” Jack shouted, moving to the back to secure his belongings.

Albert took the opportunity to whisper something to Race. “You mentioned your family twice today, is everything alright?”

Race winced, he had known this was coming. “Yeah yeah everything’s fine. I just don't like being back here with them so close ya know? It’s screwing with my head a little.”

Albert seemed to accept this answer because he did not ask any more questions.

“What about you?” Race asked. “What was that with Spot?”

“I don't know,” Albert admitted. “That was weird.”

“Yeah,” Race looked down at his lap, almost afraid to ask the next question. “So, what do we do about him?”

“Continue as planned, I guess,” Albert sighed. “We just gotta be really careful. I don't want anything to happen to you.” He placed his hand on Race’s knee as he pulled out of the parking lot and Race covered it with his, a silent promise that he intended to stay safe.

After all, it was them against the world, and not even a dumb, although very hot looking, gang member would come between them.

_________

YEETTTT

this is actually a decent one, lotsa Important Stuff 

were finally getting to the plot!!

also yes there was an actual code I made and if any of you can figure it out you'll get the Snerkle Award Of Honor

feedback is always appreciated hmu to be on the tag list

tag list @fairly-awkward-trashcan @well-the-kids-do-too @racetrackcook @ughwaitwhat @aw-jus-let-em-try @elmerss0cks @voice-foundshoe-lost

@stopthe-presses @ridin-in-style @pinecovewoods @i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing @bencookisagod @be-more-chill-evan-hansen @stellar-alpaca @saxoph-ella @smolcanadiankid @disney-princess-sized @the-newsies-justice-for-zas-blog @insane-tomato @spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn @have-we-got-news-for-you @thatfancyclam @myidkwhatmynameisblog @legoflambwrites @not-a-scab @albertdasillvaprotectionsquad

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@mrs-higgins

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@hopefully-not-the-ghostbusters

@humanracoon

@irondad-spiderson-duo

@albert-eats-cookie-cake

[voidsung-icefire]

Is shipping ok?

I’m sorry if this might evolve into something really different about half way through. I am very frustrated by things I have been seeing for a while now and I just want to get it out of the way.

So shipping. Yes. Taking fictional characters and imagining them in relationships of various sorts. There are so many different reasons to ship, from thinking that the pairing has a lot of potential in canon, to simply thinking the two characters look attractive and wanting to enjoy some spicy art of them. There are as many different reasons to ship as there are ships. So...is shipping ever a bad thing?

It can be. It can definitely be in certain situations. The first being using it to taunt someone. If the only reason for your ship is so you can shove it in the face of someone you know doesn’t like it, then this is wrong. An example of this would be some people who ship Tracer with Soldier76 only so they can “fight back” against the LGBT community by annoying them with their art work. These shippers are not good. The second situation is a bully shipper, a person that goes and imposes their ship as if it had supreme value over others. Attacking people with different ships online, going as far as to attack creators of the original work because they believe their ship is somehow more important than what the original creator of the characers feels. An example would be certain Lapidot shippers who bullied a Steven Universe writer over the internet relentlessly because the characters were shown to be only friends in an episode she had a hand in writing. These behaviours are unacceptable.

But are their ships the same?

No. Of course not. The reason behind these specific shippers shipping, and the behaviour they had towards others are wrong, cruel and entitled. But others may like these pairings for different reasons and behave in a well mannered, polite and kind way towards others. It is not wrong for them to like these things. It is not the ships that are bad in this case, it is the behaviour of the people that is wrong.

Overall, shipping is ok. It is not canon. It is a fan creation. One can recognize the canon, appreciate it, and still make art of a different ship on the side for a multitude of reasons. And that’s ok. Maybe a canon pairing wasn’t to your taste, like how Katara ended with Aang in the Last Airbender. Maybe you would have liked her to be with Zuko more. You know that Aang was the one to get the girl in canon. You respect that. You can still make art and AU fanfiction where Zuko gets her in the end.

What about McHanzo? Big Overwatch ship. Entirely non-canon. The two characters have never met. McCree displays a very seductive personality with several lines particularly directed towards women. And although he can be bi, he himself stated one of the reasons Ashe was never his type is because she’s rich. And Hanzo is very much rich. And even has that rich kid snooty attitude. Nowhere near a canon ship. But it’s everywhere. And it is allowed to be. People are not doing anything wrong by making their own worlds where these characters can be together.

Maybe Widowtracer? Widowmaker was brainwashed and no longer feels most emotions, including love. Tracer currently has a very lovely girlfriend in canon. So Widowtracer is very much non-canon. But it is still ok to ship these two. For a number of reasons. Some just find them hot. Some want a Widowmaker redemption and see Tracer as a way for her to move on from her past. Some want the three ladies together as an OT3. You can write up various scenarios where Emily leaves Tracer for various reasons, and that is completely fine because that’s what fanfiction is all about. It’s your take on the scenario presented for you.

Maybe Pharmercy? Ah. An interesting one. Also entirely non-canon, but for a reason some more..distasteful people...seem to ignore. We have a bit of a Lapidot situation here, because, you see, Mercy is intended to be with Genji in canon. The two write letters to each other in the Christmas comic (the same comic that revealed Tracer to be gay, first showed Torb’s wife Ingrid, had Jack holding a picture of his ex Vincent, showed Ana’s ex Sam, showed possibly Reyes’ daughter he had with his ex, showed Widowmaker at her late husband’s grave...) and were intended to get voicelines during Valentine’s Day where they would exchange chocolates. A very romantic gesture. Well...some Pharmercy shippers threw a fit, bullied the creators and now those voicelines have never been pushed to the live game. But they still exist. So these specific shippers had bad manners and are thus wrong, but Pharmercy as a ship is still completely fine. If you recognize the canon, respect it, but still want to make art of these two ladies together for a number of reasons, that is completely acceptable.

And what about intercanon pairings, pairings that go as far as to break the boundries of fictional universes to bring characters together. Like Jack Frost with Elsa, or Merida with Hiccup. Characters that will never meet because they are from different worlds made by entirely differnet companies. And those are also ok. Completely fine. Go express yourself. Make art.

Now here’s why I was upset enough to write this. I have long been witnessing immense levels of hypocrisy in the shipping community. Where some ships are put on holy pedestals and considered to have some sort of moral superiority. And all other ships are somehow inherently wrong and the people who ship them, terrible people.

So here’s the question: is it ok to ship a canon gay character in a straight relationship?

And to that I answer...is it ok to ship a canon straight character in a gay relationship?

If you answer no to one but yes to the other....why is that? Why is it okay for one way but not the other, when both are exactly the same. Yes, canon, breaking canon...most shipping is breaking canon. All fanwork is breaking canon in some way because only what the creators create and declare is canon is, well...canon. So why is some canon breaking considered ok when others are not?

I’ve heard the justification that you can’t ship a gay character in a straight ship because that is just a too important trait in a character to break. But why would the other way be ok then? Why is it ok to break the sexuality canon with straight characters but not gay ones? What about genderswaps? Would all rule63 fanart be inherently wrong because you’re breaking an important canon aspect?

What about all the reboots with different looking people in the lead? So let’s say...should Miles not exist because Spider-man was originally white? All the films that cast a woman to play a character that had always been established as male? These reboots have a right to exist. It’s artistic expression. It’s remix. It’s perfectly acceptable. Of course, there will be some backlash, there always is when you reinvent an established character that already has a sizeable fanbase. But ultimately, it is a matter of opinion on if someone likes the new version of the character or not. The new version its self is not right or wrong. It just...is. It just exists and does its own thing in its own way.

There are people who act like certain characters are inherently a certain way because a certain group somehow has....ownership...of the character. That Spider-man can only ever be white because he was white and belongs to white people. That’s not how that works. A character does not...belong to whatever arbitrary group because they have certain characteristics in common.

A character...is personality. It is actions. It is feelings. A character...is someone anyone could potentially relate to. That anyone can potentially like and dislike. It always just...baffles me when people act like they can only like and relate to a character if that character is an exact mirror of themselves. When I was a kid, I liked to watch Danny Phantom. And I thought he was cool. I liked how he had super powers. I liked how he fought the ghosts. I never once thought I couldn’t like him because he was a boy and I’m not. In Overwatch, I main Reaper. He’s an older latinx American man that I headcanon as bisexual. I am literally none of those things. He’s still my favorite. Soldier76 is gay. I’d say since most of the population is straight, it’s safe to assume most Soldier mains are straight. Should they stop playing this character because he’s gay and is somehow now off limits to straight people? No, of course not. Everyone can like or dislike any character.

Everyone can ship any character with any other character.

And some people don’t like that. Some people think...that certain groups...should have different sets of rules.

That’s not how it works. That’s not how equality works.

We are all human beings. If it works one way, it has to work the other way in return. A white character can be reimagined as black, a black character should be able to be reimagined as white. A male character can be rebooted as a female character, a female character can be rebooted as a male character. A straight character can be in a gay ship, a gay character should be able to be in a straight ship.

Some people think that certain groups should have different sets of rules. And that is unacceptable. You are not inherently better or more special or more important than others based on arbitrary traits you have had since birth.

If you think that certain people should have fewer rights based on the color of their skin, you are a racist. If you believe that certain people should have fewer rights based on their gender, you are a sexist. If you believe that certain people should have fewer rights based on their sexual orientation, then you are some form of bigot.

We are all human beings. We are all equal. We have the same rights, we play by the same rules. And if you advocate for something other than that, then you are not advocating for equality, so stop using that as your excuse.

Like the only group that should have special preferential treatment is people with disabilities because they simply cannot function properly if everything was left the same as it is for the majority of people. People in wheelchairs cannot use stairs. They need better access. That’s a given. But even they have the same laws, the same rights.

If you really still think that you deserve special treatment, that you should have additional freedoms, that certain people inherently deserve less than you and should have more restrictions placed on them, based on arbitrary traits they were born with and had no control over, then you are a terrible person. If you are going through a whole load of mental gymnastics and reaching out to find justifications for why you somehow deserve more than other people based on these traits, then you need to get out, talk to some real people and reevaluate certain things. If you can justify giving less freedom to others based on these arbitrary traits, you are opperating on the same mindset as genocidal tyrants.

And freakin read Animal Farm. If you haven’t, I’ll give you the TL:DR

Human farmer is an oppressor to the animals. The animals kick him out and establish equality. The pigs, after some convoluted stuff, decide that they deserve preferential treatment. The pigs thus become the oppressors over the other animals. The cycle continues, implying the pigs will be one day driven out and some other group will find some bs excuse for why they deserve more rights than the rest. Featuring the iconic line:

“All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.”

[sage-selfships]

Sage H. D. - Bully Self-Insert

This is my Self-Insert for Bully/Canis Canem Edit! I made the art myself and would appreciate if you didn’t use it! The Template was created by Silkvale and found here! I will post updated versions to @kitty-selfshipping so uhm yeah, follow that blog to read it when it’s totally finished or edited.

If you are interested in reading the current info about my Bully Self-Insert, please read under the cut!

Biographical Information Full Name [& Pronunciation] - Sage Holland Drage ( S AI J ) ( H AW - l uh n d ) ( d r ai j ) Meaning - Herb or Prophet, Ridgeland, Dragon Set Age - 14-15 Certified Birthdate - 12 January 1992 (not my real birth year, but shh) Astrological Sign -  Capricorn Pronouns - They/them or He/Him Aliases & Preferred Nicknames – Dumbbell - Sage might not actually like the nickname, but Mandy WIles insist on calling Sage it whenever Mandy sees Sage, so Sage is  Dragon - As some people may not be able to pronounce Sage’s surname, Sage just call themselves Dragon to make it easier for everyone. Ms. Shy - Even though Sage prefers to go by he/him or they/them pronouns, people insist on calling them ms, and many people consider them shy because of how they seem terrified of new people Puppy - A nickname Sage got from Kirby Olsen, that they claim matches their general personality Ethnicities Distant Descendants : American, British,  Dominant Descendants : Norwegian, Swedish, Danish Physical Description Hair Color - Brown Eye Color - Blue Weight – Height - Typical Clothing Wear :  Maroon or pink vest, purple skirt, blue bow, purple bow, pink shoes - School   uniform  Red stained dress and blonde wig - Halloween costume, that is supposed to resemble Carrie White from the movie Carrie Faux fur coat, faux fur ushanka - Winter attire Figure/Build - Distinguishing Features/Scars/ or Birthmarks – A mole just over their lip Explain: Tattoos: Piercings: Frequently Worn Jewelry: Choker belt around their neck Personal Information Current Living Arrangements - Sage currently lives with three of their American relatives, but also they technically live at Bullworth, in the girl’s dorm Originated from - Vestfold, Norway Traveled Territories - Hobbies -   Fears – Spiders, snakes, insects, heights, scarecrows, most of the jocks Religion/Beliefs – Atheist Why?: Sage grew up in an atheist family, as simple as that. Health Behaviors Physical Ailments/ Disabilities/ Issues – Addiction(s) [Sex, Drugs, Smoking, Alcohol, Other]  Why?: Any regular medication taken? – Medication for their Iron Deficiency and for their Hives Chronological Information Profession - Student Likes - Dislikes - Goals/Ambitions – Most Instructive/Painful/Memorable Experience - Story behind experience: Weapons/Equipment - Sage mostly fights using their hands but can use a baseball if they need to Personal Attributes Personality - Strengths - Weaknesses - Good Habits - Bad Habits - Fetishes/Strange Behaviors - Stereotype - Shy kid with few friends As you know them better(and you like them) : As you know them better(and you hate them) :   Ratings on Personal Qualities (don't go overboard make reasonable stats for your character) Physical Strength : 4/10 Sage might not regularly train, but surprisingly Sage is stronger than they seem Attractive : 5/10 Sage doesn’t consider themselves the most beautiful and mostly blames it upon their parents and grandparents for how they look Honesty : 7/10 Sage hates lying in general, but still does lie if they need to. Rule Abiding : 3/10 Sage thinks certain rules are to be broken and others are to be broken. Sociability : 3/10 Sage is quite shy when it comes to meeting new people, but if they muster up enough confidence they can make new friends. Bullworth Academy Information Reason for enrolling: Sage has lacked disiplince and Sage’s parents had relatives that lived close Bullworth, so they decided on sending them to a Clique - Standing and Rank in Social Circle  - Room Number – 4 Roommate(s)-  Zoe Taylor & Beatrice Trudeau Favourite Subject(s) – English,  & Art Why?: Sage loves English because they’ve felt so motivated and  Least Favorite Subject(s) – Why?: Favourite Teacher – Mr. Galloway & Mrs. Philips Why?: Mr. Galloway - Sage takes a liking to Mr. Galloway, mostly because he encouraged and gave Sage a warm welcome to the school, during Sage’s first day at Bullworth Mrs. Philips - Sage got a few compliments Least Favorite Teacher –  Mr. Slawter Why?: Sage is quite afraid of Mr. Slawter, mostly because he yelled at Sage during their first class Knowledgeability Language(s) – Norwegian, English Schooling Level - Grade 8-9, Expertise – Chemistry - Math - English - Geography - Sage knows a few things, like where certain European countries are, but after that, nothing more Politics/Law - Economy - Cooking/Culinary - Shop - Botany/Biology - Mythology - high / Sage knows a lot about Norrøn Mythology and enjoys learning more and more about it Art - high / Sage highly enjoys Art and feels that they know a lot about the rules about realism and perspective Photography - Sage knows how to use a camera, and what settings look good or not, so they consider themselves at a 5/10 Reading Level - Overall Intelligence Level(s) - Interpersonal and Naturalistic. Relationships Statuses   (once you list characters here, delete them from the other list near the end of this information sheet, makes things less confusing) (Also, please describe the relationships of your character with other characters) Trusted Companions Closest Friend(s) –   Milliz - “I trust her with my life. Nothing more or less to say. And might I add that her and Earnest are really freakiNG ADOREABLE?” (Jeg beklager ikke for at du er satt på denne lista, Milliz) Friend(s) -   Kirby Olsen - Despite Kirby being a jock and Sage being afraid of most of the jocks, Kirby and Sage are pretty close and    

Hated Rivals Worst Enemies – Intolerable Students - Harmless Acquaintances Tolerated Students - Tolerated Townsfolk - Hot Encounters Hinted Attractions - Crush(es) - Lover(s) - Gary Smith, Jimmy Hopkins and Petey (Ey, don’t judge me please or make comments about this please, I just ship myself with all of them :( I will also make like another post or tweet where I just describe everything from lore to headcanons about this ) Ex(s) - None Extra Information Eating Habits Omnivore/Carnivore/Herbivore – Favorite Food(s): Favorite Drink(s): Disliked Food(s): Disliked Drink(s): Added Information Proclaimed Theme Song(s) - Either Dancing Queen by ABBA or Scent – Favourite Color: Favourite Season: Favourite Animal: Sage  Favourite Music Genre: Sage can’t really choose, but they are very fond of country and Pop Most Memorable Quote – Various Quotes Through Interaction :  “ Walking around – “I sure hope Mandy was joking when he called me a dumbbell...” “I don’t know jack dritt about math, how am I supposed to get a good grade?” “Gary mentioned something about rats, wondered what he was on about.” “I’m considering joining a clique... but which one?” “ “ “ “ When the fire alarm goes off – “Stuff like this always happens when you least expect it.” “Sure hope this isn’t a drill, I don’t want my slippers to get wet again without reason.” Greetings Good Terms: “Hiya!” “Hey there, best friend!” “How ya doing, sweetie?” “How are you doing, buddy?” “Hey, anyhting fun happen recently?” “Bro! What’s up?” “Heisann!” (Norwegian for ‘Hey there’) Bad Terms: “Please leave me alone” “I rather not talk.” “Ew.” “Get out of my face!” “Leave me alone!” “Continue being around me and I’ll beat you up! Or cry!” Saying goodbye – Good Terms: “Have a good day! “See you later!” “Hope you have a good night!” Bad Terms: “”See you in Hell, I uhm mean class.” “Leave already.” “I’m getting a headache, gotta go.” “Byyeee, see you never.” When Flirted With – Good Terms: “I uhm...” “Thank you....” “Well I uhm, thank you so much! I uhm haha, we should hang out or something!” “I feel flattered. I’ll uhh have to go over there until the blushing stops.” “Continue acting this sweet and you’re going to be getting ladies really quickly.” “ “You’re such a sweetheart!” “If I were of age, I would marry you right here on the spot, but I’m still too young.” Bad Terms: “I wouldn’t say I don’t like you, but I’m not that interested.” “Not to be rude, but no.” “That better not be trying to make me blush, because it didn’t work at all.” “ “

Watching a fight – “I know I shouldn’t watch this crap, but damn it feels so right, right now!” “ Attacking – “I’m sorry!” “I have no choice in this situation, so I apologize beforehand!” “I learnt this one from my friend!” While Fighting – “I really wish it didn’t have to end with one of us being hurt!” “Ouch! Thanks, I guess!”

Chasing someone – “You can run, but you can also hide!” “Come back here! please...!” Out of breath – “This always happens....” “Why do I have to have iron deficiency? When hidden from – “ Knocked out – “ Stinkbomb explodes – “I can’t see shit!” “I should be happy I can’t smell anything from before!” Opinions on students who reside at Bullworth Academy– (in alphabetical order) Bullies   Davis White: Ethan Robinson: Russell Northrop: Tom Gurney: Trent Northwick: Troy Miller: Wade Martin: Zoe Taylor: Greasers Hal Esposito: Johnny Vincent: Lefty Mancini: Lola Lombardi: Lucky De Luca: Norton Williams: Peanut Romano: Ricky Pucino: Vance Medici: Jocks Bo Jackson: Casey Harris: Damon West: Dan Wilson: Juri Karamazov: Luis Luna: Mandy Wiles: Ted Thompson: Nerds Algernon Papadopoulos: Beatrice Trudeau: Bucky Pasteur: Cornelius Johnson: Donald Anderson: Earnest Jones: Fatty Johnson: Melvin O'Connor: Thad Carlson: Non-Cliques Angie Ng: Christy Martin: Constantinos Brakus: Eunice Pound: Gloria Jackson: Gordon Wakefield: Ivan Alexander: Karen Johnson: Lance Jackson: Melody Adams: Pedro De La Hoya: Ray Hughes: Sheldon Thompson: Trevor Moore: Preppies Bif Taylor: Bryce Montrose: Chad Morris: Derby Harrington: Gord Vendome: Justin Vandervelde: Parker Ogilvie: Pinky Gauthier: Tad Spencer: Opinion on Adults who teach and patrol at Bullworth Academy – (in alphabetical order) Miss Danvers: Miss Peters: Mr. Galloway: Mr. Luntz: Mr. Matthews: Mr. Wiggins: Mrs. Carvin: Mrs. MacRae: Mrs Peabody: Ms. Phillips: Neil: Prefects – Edward Seymour II: Karl Branting: Max MacTavish: Seth Kolbe: Opinions on People in the cities of Bullworth – (in alphabetical order) Townies Clint(aka Henry): Sage doesn’t like saying it, but they’re quite afraid of him and  Duncan: Edgar Munsen: Gurney: Jerry: Leon: Omar Romero: Otto Tyler: Residents in the city of Bullworth – Bethany Jones: Denny: Dr. Bambillo: Krakauer: Mihailovich: Miss Abby: Mr. Brekindale: Mr. Buckingham: Mr. Castillo: Mr. Doolin: Mr. Huntingdon: Mr. Johnson: Mr. Martin: Mr. Ramirez: Mr. Salvatore: Mr. Smith: Mr. Sullivan: Ms. Rushinski Mrs. Lisburn: Osborne:

[e8luhs]

QUEEN OF PEACE.

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY

TRACKLIST & ANNOTATIONS UNDER THE CUT! (last edited 04.04.19)

I. QUEEN OF PEACE / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

oh, the queen of peace always does her best to please is it any use somebody's gotta lose like a long stream i'll bear all this echoing oh, what is it worth all that's left is hurt

II. FLAMINGO / KERO KERO BONITO

black, white, green or blue show off your natural hue flamingo if you're multicolored, that's cool too you don't need to change it's boring being the same flamingo you're pretty either way

III. FRIEND [LOVER] / EVENINGS

[instrumental]

IV. BEATOPHONE / CARAVAN PALACE

[instrumental]

V. OTTER POP / SHAWN WASABI

jello shots and lemon drops this is how we otter pop this is how we otter pop higher than an astronaut this is how we otter pop

VI. HEART ATTACK (CHUU) / LOONA

you attack my heart!

VII. CALL ME / BLONDIE

call me (call me) on the line call me, call me any, anytime call me (call me) oh love when you're ready we can share the wine call me

VIII. PANIC / CARAVAN PALACE

[instrumental]

IX. HER PERFUME / POGO

[instrumental]

X. MY BLOOD / ELLIE GOULDING

that feeling that doesn't go away just did and i walked a thousand miles to prove it and i'm caught in the crossfire of my own thoughts the color of my blood is all i see on the rocks as you sail from me

XI. RUINS / TOBY FOX

[instrumental]

XII. DOG DAYS ARE OVER / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

she hid around corners and she hid under beds she killed it with kisses and from it she fled with every bubble she sank with a drink and washed it away down the kitchen sink

XIII. TEARDROP / MASSIVE ATTACK

water is my eye most faithful mirror fearless on my breath teardrop on the fire of a confession

XIV. THE TROUBLE / POGO

[instrumental]

XV. JENNY / STUDIO KILLERS

i wanna ruin our friendship we should be lovers instead i don't know how to say this 'cause you're really my dearest friend i wanna ruin our friendship i don't know how to say this 'cause you're really my dearest friend

XVI. SEA CASTLE / PURITY RING

i could give you petty rhymes of worlds that i contrive they're in my sleep, my dreams i speak them slow, so you can read and not stand back and stare and fear foolish devouring things and not stand back and stare and fear foolish devouring

XVII. WASH MY HANDS / KORMAC

[instrumental]

XVIII. GETTIN’ MY MOM ON / JACK STAUBER

cup in my cap, and i'ma drinka my mimosa! read “keep calm carry on” poster (slip into jc penney’s having a day sale gettin’ my mom on)

XIX. BE ALRIGHT / SHE

[instrumental]

XX. BABE / EVENINGS

[instrumental]

XXI. BUTTERFLY / LOONA

it gets dizzy everything around me is blue, now with you, you, now a folded paper moon like i’m wandering in-between i better be around you

XXII. WET HANDS / C418

[instrumental]

XXIII. ALL MY STARS ALIGNED / ST VINCENT

i do a dance to make the rain come smile to keep the sky from falling down, down, down, down collect the love that i've been given build a nest for us to sleep in here you know it's real

XXIV. HALF CAFF / GO! CHILD

you saw me collapse past the frame asking me as i fell to my knees, "is this how it should end?" but i told you i wasn't worth any of this feeling the abyss, i looked up and i said ... and i said, "here i go again"

XXV. ASSEZ VIF, TRES RHYTHME / SATIE STRING QUARTET

[instrumental]

XXVI. NEWBOP / CARAVAN PALACE

[instrumental]

XXVII. PROLOGUE / DISASTERPEACE

[instrumental]

XXVIII. WAR OF HEARTS / RUELLE

i can’t help but be wrong in the dark 'cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts i can’t help but want oceans to part 'cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts

XXIX. MAKE UP YOUR MIND / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

make up your mind let me leave or let me love you while you've been saving your neck, i've been breaking mine for you

XXX. RUNNING UP THAT HILL (A DEAL WITH GOD) / KATE BUSH

you don't want to hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies unaware I'm tearing you asunder ooh, there is thunder in our hearts

XXXI. BODYACHE / PURITY RING

i, i, i lied, now i'm lying awake i, i, i cried 'til my body ache i, i, i lied, now i'm lying awake i, i, i cried 'til my body ache

XXXII. SHIP TO WRECK / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

what's with the long face, do you want more? thousands of red-eyed mice, scratching at the door don't let the curtain catch you, cause you've been here before the chair is an island darling, you can't touch the floor

XXXIII. HEARTACHE / UNDERTALE

[instrumental]

XXXIV. DREAM SWEET IN SEA MAJOR / MIRACLE MUSICAL

a siren sounds like the goddess who promises endless apologies of paradise and only she can make it right so things are different tonight we'll go together in flight

XXXV. COTTON HEADS / CARAVAN PALACE

i'll tell you why the pictures on the wall, i want to get away from it all

XXXVI. END OF THOUGHT / REGINA SPEKTOR

be careful before you decide the universe is too big the universe is too big you cannot make a mistake you cannot make a mistake

XXXVII. FEAR THE FUTURE / ST VINCENT

when the war rose and fell and the oceans are swell i run for you, run for me too

XXXVIII. FINESHRINE / PURITY RING

that i might see with my chest and sink into the edges round you into the lakes and quarries that brink on all the edges round you, round you, round you

XXXIX. SILENT SPRING / MASSIVE ATTACK

[instrumental]

XL. FOLDING CHAIR / REGINA SPEKTOR

now i've been sitting on this abandoned beach for years waiting for the salty water to cover up my ears but every time the tide come in to take me home i get scared, and i'm sitting here alone dreaming of the dolphin song

XLI. IMPOSTOR SYNDROME / SIDNEY GISH

every other day i’m wondering what’s a human being gotta be like?  what’s a way to just be competent?  these sweet instincts ruin my life

XLII. SEA OF ATLAS / SLEEPING AT LAST

there's a fine line, a fine line in between our progress and our instability we can't help ourselves but hunt for more a design flaw? or the olive branch that proves the shore- the catalyst we've waited for

XLIII. THE CALL / REGINA SPEKTOR

just because everything's changing doesn't mean it's never been this way before all you can do is try to know who your friends are as you head off to the war

XLIV. NOBODY / MITSKI

and i don't want your pity i just want somebody near me guess i'm a coward i just want to feel alright

XLV. SOFTLY WE GO / EVENINGS

[instrumental]

XLVI. DROWN / MARIKA HACKMAN

oh, to drown in your mind i would, i know i would to suffocate in your smoke i'd choke on you if i could maybe i will

XLVII. KALEIDOSCOPE / ARC IRIS

did i singe every hair from the body i have left? did i lose every drop of scent? a farse, a fall, an effigy hanging by a thread

XLVIII. SLOWBIRTH / ELSIANE

why am i full of emptiness? someday i will find my way ‘cause i always start to fall every moment that we face oh please help me find my way

XLIX. FALLEN DOWN (REPRISE) / TOBY FOX

[instrumental]

L. NOW, NOW / ST VINCENT

i'm not the feather at your feet i'm not your yellow brick street i'm not anyone you'll see i'm not anything

LI. OPHELIA / MARIKA HACKMAN

she who walks alone in life, is she of sound mind? i am only as old as i've been told now i'm playing for time

LII. NOBODY KNOWS / ELSIANE

it’s been so hard the task to resolve investigating ourselves becoming what we don’t want to be suffering all by ourselves

LIII. ALICE / POGO

[instrumental]

LIV. WATERFALL / TOBY FOX

[instrumental]

LV. ROUND / THE MOTH AND THE FLAME

tones bring us pleasure, but how do you hear the absence of melody where was our mother to tell us with songs of assurance, "you're not alone"

LVI. CHAMPAGNE YEAR / ST VINCENT

i'll make a living telling people what they want to hear it's not a killing, but it's enough to keep the cobwebs clear

LVII. VANERHAVET / DETEKTIVBYRAN

[instrumental]

LVIII. WHAT THE WATER GAVE ME / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

and oh, poor atlas the world's a beast of a burden you've been holding on a long time and all this longing and the ships are left to rust that's what the water gave us

LIX. YOU’VE GOT TIME / REGINA SPEKTOR

think of all the roads, think of all their crossings taking steps is easy, standing still is hard remember all their faces, remember all their voices everything is different the second time around

LX. STRANDED LULLABY / MIRACLE MUSICAL

there's a still tension in the swell so give in to the vast receiving emptiness of time beyond, beyond

LXI. ATHENA / HOT SUGAR

[instrumental]

LXII. WOMAN KING / IRON & WINE

hundred years, hundred more someday we may see a woman king, sword in hand swing at some evil and bleed

LXIII. HARDEST OF HEARTS / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

there is love in your body but you can't get it out it gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth sticks to your tongue and it shows on your face that the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste

LXIV. SCIENCE/VISIONS / CHVRCHES

when you are truly yourself, you will succumb to a permanence a light by day a shadow resides by night

LXV. MODERATION / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

i've never made it with moderation no, i've never understood all the feeling was all or nothing and i took everything i could can't hold it back, i can't take the tension oh, i'm trying to be good want me to love you in moderation well don't you know, i wish i could

LXVI. WE PUT A PEARL IN THE GROUND / ST VINCENT

[instrumental]

LXVII. RECOVER / RUELLE

can you see me? i can barely see myself are we only empty frames up on the shelf it's like we're dreaming wide awake everything bends, until it breaks

LXVIII. SORRY / THE MOTH AND THE FLAME

i'm sorry for everything i've done and i'll no sooner lay down than i'll be anything I'm not i don't question the rules, i answer for them

LXIX. POOR ATLAS / DESSA

there's a book full of plans at the feet of poor atlas titled "for man" but the architects only drew blanks now there's nowhere to go but go back, go back, go back, go back

LXX. THOUSAND EYES / OF MONSTERS AND MEN

i lie awake and watch it all it feels like thousand eyes

LXXI. AQUARIUM / NOSAJ THING

[instrumental]

LXXII. BLACK SUN / DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE

how could something so fair be so cruel when this black sun revolved around you

LXXIII. PERFECT ON THE SURFACE / EMILY HAINES & THE SOFT SKELETON

this is, this is the purpose of my life harvest all my love, harness all my power to be perfect on the surface the surface cracks and i harvest all my love, harness all my high to be perfect on the surface the surface shine

LXXIV. NOTHING BUT TIME / METRIC

i wanted to be part of something i got nothing but time so the future is mine

LXXV. BREAKING DOWN / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

all alone, even when i was a child i've always known there was something to be frightened of i can see it coming from the edge of the room creeping in the streetlight holding my hand in the pale gloom can you see it coming now?

LXXVI. STILL / BEN FOLDS

i must give the impression that i have the answers for everything you were so disappointed to see me unravel so easily

LXXVII. NOT THE VILLAIN / S. J. TUCKER

if you want the very truth, i'll lay it down before you: everybody's got a story if you want the very truth, it's here before your eyes: every witch was someone's princess in some other once upon a time

LXXVIII. TORNADOLAND / REGINA SPEKTOR

before the light goes out why don’t you close your eyes? and all the monsters in your mind just wanna be nice they wanna be kind, they wanna play nice, they wanna be

LXXIX. THE PARTY / ST VINCENT

do you have change or a button or cash? oh, my pockets hang out like two surrender flags oh, but i'd pay anything to keep my conscience clean i'm keeping my eye on the exit sign, steady now

LXXX. TIME FOR US / ELSIANE

realizing never before you tried to compromise all you’re fighting within us all it’s undesired you’re hiding behind all this now that you found this follow your own way

LXXXI. NATTOPET / DETEKTIVBYRAN

[instrumental]

LXXXII. NO CHOIR / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

but the loneliness never left me i always took it with me but i can put it down in the pleasure of your company and there will be no grand choirs to sing no chorus will come in, no ballad will be written it will be entirely forgotten and if tomorrow it's all over, at least we had it for a moment oh darling things seem so unstable but for a moment we were able to be still

LXXXIII. RECOVER / CHVRCHES

and if i recover will you be my comfort? or it can be over or we can just leave it here so pick any number choose any color i've got the answer open the envelope

LXXXIV. ONE / SLEEPING AT LAST

now, i have learned my lesson; the price of this so-called perfection is everything i've spent my whole life searching desperately to find out that grace requires nothing of me

LXXXV. THE FACE PART II / METRIC

[instrumental]

LXXXVI. SPECTRUM / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

say my name and every color illuminates we are shining and we will never be afraid again

LXXXVII. PARTYLAND / DETEKTIVBYRAN

[instrumental]

LXXXVIII. PINK IN THE NIGHT / MITSKI

i could stare at your back all day i could stare at your back all day and i know i've kissed you before, but i didn't do it right can i try again, try again, try again? try again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again?

LXXXIX. HOME SWEET HOME / DETEKTIVBYRAN

[instrumental]

XC. HANG ON ME / ST VINCENT

yeah, so hang on me hang on me, hang on me, 'cause you and me we're not meant for this world

XCI. NEW YEAR / REGINA SPEKTOR

she sets her alarm five minutes to midnight and wakes just in time to say her goodbyes thanking the old year for all it has brought her no mention of the things it took away

XCII. AGER (MIND REEL) / EVENINGS

[instrumental]

XCIII. HEARTLINES / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

just keep following the heartlines on your hand just keep following the heartlines on your hand

XCIV. COME INTO THE WATER / MITSKI

i didn't know i had a dream i didn't know until i saw you so would you tell me if you want me? 'cause i can't move until you show me

XCV. I’M GOOD, I’M GONE / LYKKE LI

i'm working a sweat but it's all good i'm breaking my back but it's all good cause i know I'll get it back yeah, i know your hands will clap

XCVI. THE MOTHER WE SHARE / CHVRCHES

i'm in misery but you can't see, as old as your omens and the mother we share will never keep your proud head from falling the way is long but you can make it easy on me and the mother we share will never keep our cold hearts from calling

XCVII. SHAKE IT OUT / FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE

and i've been a fool and i've been blind i can never leave the past behind i can see no way, i can see no way i'm always dragging that horse around

XCVIII. SUN / SLEEPING AT LAST

we are the dust of dust we are the apple of god’s eye we are infinite as the universe we hold inside

XCIX. 054 / DETEKTIVBYRAN

[instrumental]

C. GOODBYE FOREVER / EVENINGS

[instrumental]

[soleildansobscurite]

Ada!

Give me a character and I will answer:

Why I like them:Within the manga, Ada stood out so much to me with her courage and her kindness. Especially in the situations we see her. Her brother disappears? She tries herself to find a way to bring him back. Her Uncle dies? She doesn’t let her father trash talk that death! Her brother is actually a chain? Well, who cares, he still is her brother! She is in this world she isn’t familiar with, thrown into the past as a character who had no power, no chain, nothing except herself. And yet she did not let anything sully her ideals, and stood up for herself and others even if she wasn’t as special or strong as others.

Why I don’t:To be fair, at the start she was portrayed as such a one-dimensional girl and pushover with how she allowed Elliot to be constantly rude to her just because she is a Vessalius. Though with the later chapters this pushover-yness changes.

Favorite episode (scene if movie) Chapter:I have multiple favourite moments with her, the part where she wants to slap her father for talking shit about Oscar was certainly something, also the part where she rushes towards Vincent near the end of the manga and even almost gehts beheaded by his chain --But i think the one  chapter that was most powerful out of them all, it must’ve been Chapter XCI; Juror. It’s simply the one with the most character development we see her in. Not only do we see the genuine side of someone who has no idea what’s going on, with her crying and being scared, but we also see after Echo leaves her alone how she deals with all these new informations that had been thrown at her. We see her flashback with how she met Vincent, and we find out her thoughts not only on him, but also on the Nightrays. We learn she isn’t stupid, but knows exactly that people lie and use others, that she isn’t as one-dimensional and boring, we learn that she notices a lot of things even the sadness behind a smile that seems to fool everyone else. And then we come to my favourite part of the chapter: Her telling herself that she has to stand on her own two feet right now, that she has to be strong, and the confrontation with Noise. We see a side of her, even Noise did not expect her to stop crying and show such courage to share her ideals. It is unexpected, but knowing how she reacts when people start assuming things, it was so in character and a strong moment for Ada.

Favorite season/movie:Well, there is neither a second season and the anime wasn’t really good bc it was rushed nor a movie so i cant answer this.

Favorite line(s):“It's okay... There's nothing to be afraid of... Because I... Will always is by your side!““ In society, everyone lies to serve their own ends. ““ What is really wicked... is judging people without even trying to get to know them! “

Favorite outfit:I would’ve said her cute witch outfit because she’s such a nerd with the pointy hat, the cloak with the skull and everything and blakc looks great on her...But who am I kidding? Ever since I drew a Ada-Jack clothes swap I’ve discovered that Ada in pants and in Jacks outfit is my aesthetic.

OTP:I’m a strong Adacent shipper. Yes, some would say it’s an abusive ship considering what kind of person Vincent is. But that only holds up while Vincent thinks he only wants to use Ada. We see him on many occasions not only being nice to her, but also protect Ada. And in the last chapters she practically held onto his arm the whole time. 

Brotp:I don’t exactly have much of a brotp for her... well... maybe her and Oz lmao.

Head Canon:Ada is a touchy person. That mainly comes from how she was raised by Oscar, she grew up with an affectionate family, lots of hugs from Oz and Oscar. So she doesn’t think too much of touching others, hugging others, and so on. Though she also has the need to touch others, in order to hold onto them. Ada had lost so many people, and without knowing it herself she tries to hold onto those close to her to keep them by her side.

Unpopular opinion:Ada was relevant to the plot! In fact, in the past I’ve read a lot of Ada hate for her being such a ‘useless’ character and ‘irrelevant to the plot’. I’d like to think that her and Vincent’s actions were actually pretty important.

A wish:Ada to be recognized for who she is and what she represents, and respected for that. I just want my girl to be happy and everyone to know what a good she is!

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen:Did you mean: Pandora Hearts Plot (my girl did not deserve to lose every goddamn person in her life)

5 words to best describe them:Caring, Courageous, Kind, Forgiving, Beautiful

My nickname for them:I do tend to call her ‘Sunshine’

[myfandomrambles]

ADHD & Autistic Doctor

(Doctor Character Study part 2e)

An Analysis of the doctor through the view of him having ASD & ADHD part 5. I want to thank @browneyesandpinstripes Parenthesis denotes the source of a material. Brackets are an aside comment.

10th Doctor:

Ten is hyperactive even when he is at his lowest point. He has still had very strong presentations of his neruodiverngence even though he is a very social and considered one of the most “human/normal” doctors. Even in his human form, he retains much of these behaviours. Showing that even when he isn’t a time lord much of the neruodiverngence stays with him. (TV: Human Nature / The Family of Blood)

Special Interest/stimming with his little machines (TV: Blink, TV: Partners in Crime, TV: Utopia, TV; The Sound of The Drums)

Always rambling from the get-go.  ( TV the Christmas invasion). You can also see this often when he is thinking but it will drift around a bit on the subject ( TV: Smith and Jones). Continues this behaviour of going on tangents and missing the point of things ( TV: Human Nature, TV: Blink, TV: The Sontaran Stratagem / The Poison Sky)  

Rambling combined with not getting social things get you lines like “I thought there'd be happy slapping hoodies. Happy slapping hoodies with ASBOs. Happy slapping hoodies with ASBOs and ringtones. Huh? Huh? Oh, yeah. Don't tell me I don't fit in” (TV: School Reunion)

Will ramble sometimes even to himself  (TV: The Girl In the Fireplace)

Rambles/info dumps about the year they arrived in and ends up talking about his thumb (TV: Tooth and Claw)

Distracted by small things, like stopping fighting monsters killing the whole human race to talk to rose about his hair. (TV: The Christmas Invasion)

Doesn't quite know the proper time to talk, or handle the situation when dealing with Reinette rambling and the getting distracted while fighting the enemy. (TV: The Girl in the Fireplace) Also when Donna is sucked in, he gets distracted by why she's there. He then starts to ramble on saying a bunch of stuff his brain definitely working faster than his common sense (TV: The Runaway Bride). We see this again when the doctor says “ It's a bit rubbish. How many prisms has it got? Way too many. The magnification gone right over the top. That's stupid kind of, Am I being rude again?” The doctor misses the social cue and his mouth moves faster than his brain so he has to check for roses perception. The doctor says a little before then "Well, they were bald, athletic. Your wife's away, I just thought you were happy" (TV: Tooth and Claw) Another example is when the doctor says, “Conglomeration, that’s what I said!” Jack replies “You’re supposed to say sorry.” (TV: Utopia) Again here he needs prompting from jack to realise what is the appropriate social response. Talks about why they haven’t taken Reinette’s body parts right in front of her (TV: The Girl in The Fireplace). Oblivious to jack and Martha's feelings for him (TV: The Sound of The Drums)

He never stands still often running about the TARDIS hitting things with mallets and jumping around to make it fly.  (TV: The Stolen Earth)

Extremely impulsive, this is often combined with a need to be brave. Deciding to stay in danger because its whats there (TV: The Impossible Planet) Choosing to fly down an air shaft to protect river on the flimsy evidence that she had a screwdriver that was his (TV: Forest of The Dead) He eats out of the jam jar not really thinking about if he should or not. (TV: Fear Her) Jumping through the time portal when he knows he can not come back (TV: The Girl in The Fireplace)

Climbs on things he shouldn't sometimes to make a point. (TV: The Evolution of the Daleks) Lays back on chairs sprawled out in a way that is not particularly appropriate (TV: Partners in Crime) Sitting and standing awkwardly (TV: Utopia)

Experiences sensory/info overload saying “Oh my head, My head” holding his head. (TV: Tooth and Claw)

Echolalia “So, physics. Physics eh? Physics. Physics. Physics! Physics. Physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics, physics.”  “No. Good for you.  Good for you. Oh, good for you, Sarah Jane Smith.” (TV: School Reunion ) “You're Mister Thick Thick Thickity Thick Face from Thicktown, Thickania” (TV: The Girl in The Fireplace)

Disorganized throws his coat around everywhere (TV: The Girl in The Fireplace)

Doesn’t get turns of phrase, and missing points. Donna says;“Don’t tell me the TARDIS has gone”  The Doctor Replies“Okay” Donna then asks”So where is it?” A confused Doctor answeres,“You.. told me not to tell you?” (TV: The Fires of Pompeii)  Another example; “Tell you what then, don't step on any butterflies. What have butterflies ever done to you?” (TV: The Shakespeare Code)

Possible sensory issues with pears (TV: Human Nature). Always wear the same 2-3 suites possible for sensory issues and a sense of normalcy.

Starts having a meltdown until Donna brings him back down (TV: Partners in Crime)

11th doctor

A very stereotypically ADHD and autistic character. An awkward, socially oblivious obviously strange character. His characteristic truly shines through but are definitely augmented by his C-PTSD and his struggles with identity carried over from ten.

Constantly twirling and jumping while flying the TARDIS or messing around underneath always having to be active (TV: The Doctor's Wife, TV: The Impossible Astronaut, TV: The Vampires of Venice, TV: Dinosaurs on Spaceship etc.)

Impulsivity is very true with this doctor. He calls theAatraxi back without truly thinking it through, in this case, it worked out fine because he was as scary as he thought he was (TV: The Eleventh Hour) He runs out of the TARDIS to see a little girl without checking out where he is properly on a whim (TV: The Beast Below). Follows vampires just running away without telling the others (TV: The Vampires of Venice). Lands inside a pirate ship because he felt like it. (TV: The Curse of The Black Spot). He sits at the president's desk in the oval office (TV: The Impossible Astronaut) Impulsive wastes time and changes his clothes when he should be trying to stay alive (TV: Let’s Kill Hitler)

Like all the doctors he will talk fast and skip around often ending u talking mostly to himself. (TV: The Time of The Angel's, TV: The Curse of The Black Spot)  He’s aware he does it but still has trouble stopping it “Crikey, Charlie, look at that. Ooo, I know someone who'd love to have a look at that. And the Ponds. Mustn't forget the Ponds, Neffy. Haven't seen them in ages. I'm riffing. People usually stop me when I'm riffing or carry on without me. That's also an option.” (TV: Dinosaurs on a Spaceship)

Talks to himself while working through things (TV: Vincent and The Doctor)

Incapable of sitting still constantly restless (TV: The Impossible Astronaut, TV The Power of Three, TV: The Lodger, TV: Vincent and The Doctor)

Sometimes completely zone into something and misses what people say. (TV: The Time of the Angels)

Hyperfocus on single things causing him to agitate those around him, and miss what's going on (TV: Vincent and The Doctor)  So focused on one thing Amy has to help him actually remember to run. (TV: Dinosaurs on a Spaceship)

Often distracted to the point of misplacing his companion (TV: The Rings of Akhaten)

Can try and be helpful and empathetic but can sometimes end up worsening things as he struggles with understanding the other people's reactions.

Sensory issues with food. Apples, bacon, eggs yoghurt, beans. (TV: The Eleventh Hour)

Dyspraxia, Trips and slides while running ( TV: Dinosaurs on a Spaceship)

Obsessive behaviour and hyper fixation on The Impossible Girl mystery to the point of it is all he can think of (TV: The Bells of Saint John)

Oblivious to how social interaction should work. Struggles with volume and often considered odd (TV: The Lodger). Just talking to Clara about random stuff while dressed as a monk (TV: The Bells of Saint John)

No sense of time (TV: The Lodger)

[apicturewithasmile]

LOST rewatch (season 1):

[follow the entire rewatch-tag here]

episodes 1 and 2 – Pilot:

Jack’s Angel Hair Pasta speech is making my eyes roll so far back up my head that it hurts

Kate speaks the first “we have to go back (for him)” around minute 39 of ep1

I forgot how incredibly sexy Naveen Andrews is

John Locke doesn’t speak his first line until minute 23 of ep2 when he explains Backgammon to Walt – his iconic Orange Smile scene and the Sitting In The Rain On The Beach scene actually both happen before he gets to speak

episode 3 – Tabula Rasa:

Oh, it’s the first “previously on LOST”

the sheer loathsomeness of that fucking US marshal… ugh

Michael: “I will get your dog back as soon as it stops raining.” – rain: *stops*

Wash Away playing in the final scene

that last shot that made John look like he was gonna be some mysterious villain character when actually he’s just the jungle philosopher who talks to the island

episode 4 – Walkabout:

yaaay, the first boar action

I can’t believe they waited until the airplane food was all eaten up before they thought about finding food on the island

that asshole from the office who’s bullying John makes me so angry

“don’t tell me what I can’t do” makes its first appearance at minute 21 and is quickly followed a mere minute later by the second appearance

totally forgot that John is actually the first one to see Smokey – and that early on in the show?!

Uuuuuuh first time we see ghost!Christian Shephard

Do we really think John killed that boar on his own or did Smokey help him?

episode 5 – White Rabbit:

there’s so many times they say “the others” before there’s even any sign of The Others™ I’m starting to wonder whether it’s intentional

the best thing about Jack-centric episodes is Christian Shephard (I got it hard for daddy Shephard okay!??!?!)

do Australians really sound like that or did they mainly cast American actors for the scenes that take place in Sydney?

aaaaand there they are, the Jears (Jack tears)

episode 6 – House of the Rising Sun:

god I love Sun and Jin, I hate how underrated all of their flashbacks are

bless the bad CGI bees

look! it’s Mother’s first appearance

episode 7 – The Moth:

ugh it’s a Charlie episode -.-‘

headcanon: Jacob made that cave collapse because he wanted to get rid of Charlie

John believing and being proud in Charlie makes this episode worthwhile for me

episode 8 – Confidence Man:

Kate is actually carrying a… bundle??? of bananas over her shoulder. What’s mote #jungle aesthetic?

John you manipulative bastard, I love you!!!! I can’t wait for Not Henry Gale to join you into an endless manipulation play-off

I honestly can’t remember whether or not Sawyer and Sayid will ever work out their issues in the later seasons and actually get a somewhat friendship?! I don’t remember any bro-scenes between them which is a shame tbh.

Boone: “She’s my sister!” – god how did I think it was totally reasonable to turn this into an incetuous romance?!

episode 9 – Solitary:

Yaaaaaaaaaasssss it’s Sayid’s first episode which also means: DANIELLE ROUSSEAU!!!

I am a big Shannon/Sayid shipper but I can really understand the folks who ship Kate with Sayid. It would have been soooo much better than the love triangle of hell.

And I hate that Sayid doesn’t speak Arabic in his flashbacks. I get, Naveen Andrews doesn’t speak it but… they made Daniel Dae Kim speak Korean even tho he couldn’t?!?! It’s a bit of inconsistency that annoys the crap out of me.

I’m moaning a lot considering this is my fav show… there’s just… a couple of things about season 1 that always been bothering me.

OH MY GOD IT’S CREEPY ETHAN!!!

Danielle looks so fucking good and so does Sayid fnfsdkgnjkngjdfh my bi senses are tingling.

episode 10 – Raised By Another:

Claire’s nightmare is super fucking disturbing

Her ex is literally the most annoying fuckboy and I have absolutely forgotten about him for a good reason. What an asshole.

Kate’s been wearing the same green short for at least the past 3 episodes… which… I get because clothing is limited on the island but it reminds me of the Simpsons’ wardrobe

The fact Creepy Ethan™ is there after Claire wakes up the second time saying she’s been attacked should have been the biggest #clue.

Hurley getting the flight manifest from Sawyer by just… talking to him… my aesthetic!

The “Ethan is creepy”-reveal is soooooo well done gjfsngkngdg

episode 11 – All The Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues:

More Terry O’Quinn close ups please!!!

I love that John is “of course Kate is coming along” and just hands her a knife whereas Jack is always like “no, don’t come along, this is #dangerous” – like… by now we should all know there’s no stopping Kate!

John predicting the rain is one of my fav scenes.

Wooooow they discovered the hatch THAT early in the season?!??!

episode 12 – Whatever The Case May Be:

Sawyer really shouldn’t go swimming in sweet water with his wounded arm.

I love Rose :’)

okay this episode was kinda underwhelming but that might be because I remembered what was in the case

episode 13 – Hearts and Minds:

I do not remember this episode title AT ALL so I have no idea what to expect

Aaaaaah I think it’s the Shannon and Boone incest episode which explains why I have forgotten about it – one of the most unnecessary plots in the history of LOST ever

How is Boone still friends with Locke after this whole bondage mess? Nevermind, John could do anything to me and I’d still follow him to the end of the world.

“PEE ON IT!”

episode 14 – Special:

I hate that Michael’s ex took his son away from him. She shouldn’t have put him in that position. I hate her.

What is it with Michael and car accidents?

and now she’s clearing her bad conscience with money. I HATE HER!

And now Charlie’s reading Claire’s diary – I hate him, too!

Aaaand here comes the bad CGI polar bear

Every time John Locke smiles an angel gets its wings.

Claire is already back?!?!?!?

episode 15 – Homecoming:

Wait…. Is this already when they kill Creepy Ethan? If so then I really liked this episode. Probably the only moment I truly liked Charlie.

The Scott/Steve-joke never gets old.

I love that Sawyer organised a gun for Kate. If I absolutely had to ship any combination of the love triangle of hell it’d be Kate and Sawyer… but only because Juliet isn’t in the picture yet.

episode 16 – Outlaws:

Oh it’s the Sawyer versus boar episode, I love that one!

Sayid you sassy fucker, I love you!!!

I love that they made the “I never…” scene so long.

“You’re not alone – don’t pretend to be!” is exactly what I needed to hear right now, thanks Sayid!

episode 17 - …In Translation:

How are Sun and Jin both so incredibly beautiful? Newsflash: I’m bisexual!

Hurley, my lovely empathetic sunshine!

Is it just me or is Michael’s first raft bigger than the second version?

John back at it again with the jungle philosophy.

“WE ARE NOT THE ONLY PEOPLE AN THIS ISLAND AND WE ALL KNOW IT!!!!” you go John, tell them!!!

Aaaah Jin’s father aka the only good father in the entire show!

episode 18 – Numbers:

FINALLY!!!

John building the cradle with Claire for the baby is breaking my heart. Jungle grandpa Locke <3

I’d love for the monster to have been a “pissed off giraffe”

DANIELLE IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL

episode 19 – Deus Ex Machina:

Awwww I forgot that John worked in a toy shop – that’s so cute

Damn he looks so much better without hair than he does with it

Anthony fucking Cooper you disgusting weasel of a human being

I just remembered that the “Deus” that’s in the “Machina” is Desmond Hume, my Scottish puppy – can’t wait for him to be there doing his thing

God that moment with the light is sooooo good! That’s when I was #hooked the first time I watched the show.

And I just remembered: that’s John saving Desmond’s life there and Desmond saving John’s life and rgkdabgdlkgndg

episode 20 – Do No Harm:

Jack doesn’t deserve this wonderful wife…. And I really don’t like the whole “fixing things” trope that surrounds his character.

Oh riiiiiight, Claire’s having the baby while Boone dies. I totally forgot about that. I love it!

Sun is soooo strong in this episode, I love her!

Jack: “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” – I think this is the first time someone other than John said it.

god it’s so fucking tragic with everyone looking at the baby while Shannon gets told the news her brother died. it’s too much for my tiny heart

episode 21 – The Greater Good:

John it ain’t really helping that you still drowned in Boone’s blood, my guy, my buddy, my pal.

Sayid saying “I know when I’m being lied to.” is kinda foreshadowing the whole Henry Gale affaire because he was the only one who wouldn’t take any of Ben’s shit for even a second.

Sayid: “You’ve never fired a gun before!” – Shannon: *fires gun*

episode 22 – Born To Run:

judging by the title of this it’s gonna be a Kate episode

ah yes…. The horrible blond wig. I mean…. How bad must a wig be to see it’s a wig from behind?!??!?!

episodes 23-25 – Exodus:

jhbdfajksfg it’s Ana Lucia, bless her, my lovely angry smol child

it was absolutely not necessary to show Sawyer with his shirt off but I ain’t complaining

anyways… when will I ever have enough time and money to go to Hawaii?

That Walt/Shannon/Vincent-moment breaks my heart big time.

The Black Rock being an old ass ship was one of the biggest plot twists the first time I watched.

The parts of Arzt flesh raining down on our guys was really more realism than needed

IT’S SMOKEY!!!! Yaaaasssss!

Has there ever been a better finale for the first season of a show ever?

[ablackwing]

meme; listen i know what you think about this topic, but i think the world needs reminded about how you and i feel about popular fanon that vincent is sephiroth's father --

-SLAMS HIS HANDS ONTO HIS DESK.- VINCENT IS SEPHIROTH’S FATHER YOU SAY?

GUESS WHAT.

NO HE’S NOT.

oh my god it’s been so long since someone poked me at this subject so let’s see how rusty i am at ranting about this but i have bundaberg peach juice and a snowman cookie from starbucks so i’m fueled and ready to go for this idea’s throat--

I’m putting this under a read more because this thing got long and I don’t wanna kill anyone’s dash.

okay okay okay where to start, where to start; this fanon is so entrenched in the fandom that there’s a lot of people who believe it’s canon. i mean, you do you, and all that, but this theory isn’t canon won’t be canon and will never be canon unless the remake confirms something different or the big guys come out and say that yes this is true. but it’s been twenty years and i’m sure they’d have come out with it by now if it was the truth. seeing as how they have yet to do so, i think the fandom’s going to continue with the idea even though i reach out to enlighten those that stick to it.

alright, lucifer, i hear you saying, you have a point in that fandom likes to cling to things ( like the cloti versus clerith fight ). but what makes you so sure vincent isn’t the father?

well let’s see here--

let’s start with subject a ( or as I like to call him, subject ass-tronomical ), the father of brooding edginess himself, vincent valentine! ( and if you’re not reading this in an announcer’s voice i’m doing something wrong here. ) okay but seriously, let’s take a look at subject a; vincent.

now, in my commonly held belief ( that is mine, for the record, let the record show that i stated it’s mine ) a turk is a turk is a turk. it’s like the marines. just because you retire from active service doesn’t mean you stop being a turk. case in point is veld; veld disappears from the turk service but he never quits being a turk. that’s something that they make clear is that you’re dealing with an older turk. a rarity to be sure. but the fact remains that you’re dealing with a turk nevertheless. now what do we know about turks? they’re fiercely loyal to the company. they’re the dirty side of shin-ra. they’re the ones who get into the back alleys and do the work of making sure that shin-ra stays on top of things. they’re highly trained individuals who have instincts and skills to rival SOLDIER and they’re dangerous as hell. really, between an angry SOLDIER and an angry Turk, i’d take the SOLDIER any day.

all of this is a set-up for vincent, of course. he’s one of the best turks in the business and let’s have that fact on brass tacks: vincent valentine is one of the best turks ever.

which is why i find everything that he remembers about his time with lucrecia so jarring, especially with what we know about turks. vincent’s memories are of soft fields and picnics and other such things that look great at the surface but you know lucrecia’s gotta be working some kind of magic on vincent because he’s a turk. we’re talking vincent probably knows the back alleys of midgar like the back of his own hand and can tell you where to get an unmarked gun for half the price you’d pay for it through a more legit means. that’s what turks are. they’re mobsters. they don’t do picnics ( not in a place where there’s wildlife that can maim you have you seen the area around nibelheim? ) and they wouldn’t romance their charge.

that’s right, lucrecia was vincent’s charge. but so was hojo. 

now, hold up you say, what’s this about hojo and lucrecia being his charges?

the turks are able to work as bodyguards i say. just look at rufus and his father for proof of that. obviously lucrecia was an important scientist if she warranted the turk’s protection and we find out why during vincent’s memories but everything we see of how vincent looks at lucrecia seems far more like he idolized her. it was something that we see from the first when he speaks with her, and always it’s with respect and a bit of wonder. but really, you gotta wonder about those scenes of vincent spending time with lucrecia and apparently sleeping on the job which is something that a turk would never do. 

alright but lucifer you’re just picking apart the ship where’s the reasoning for vincent not being sephiroth’s father --

the reasoning is just in what i’ve said. vincent doesn’t act like himself about lucrecia and that is, i think, highly telling of how he looked at her. he idolized the woman. he almost worships her. he’s obviously put her on a pedestal and he won’t take her off of it any time soon. these aren’t the notions of a man who wants to bed someone. or who desires someone. they’re all the worship and reverence one treats a superior with. vincent saw lucrecia as his superior in a way and when she chose hojo over him, that’s the first time that you really get the idea that vincent was in love with the idea of lucrecia without really being in love with her. that’s something that comes up a lot in fiction and real life. one of the best examples that springs directly to mind is robert baratheon and lyanna stark; ned himself says that robert was in love with the idea of lyanna without truly being in love with her. so vincent was in love with the idea of lucrecia.

but vincent isn’t our only contender folks! what about hojo!

yessssss, i whisper, rubbing my hands together. what about hojo?

seriously. what about hojo? we all know that hojo leads to sephiroth leads to final fantasy 7 and crisis core and all the others but first how did he and lucrecia hook up? that’s a question for the ages and i think that it’s simple; they were working together, hojo was hot, and they banged. a lot of people scream that vincent has to be sephiroth’s father because they look alike but may i remind folks that square is lazy and used almost the same model for zack from crisis core and terra in birth by sleep? their facial models are a lot alike. square is a lazy company and will do that. graphics don’t count for anything as far as familial relations are concerned. yes, sephiroth and vincent look alike, but that doesn’t mean a single thing.

now, one of the most common reasons hojo can’t be the father for sephiroth is that he’s “ugly” i hear people decrying.

EXCUSE ME FOLKS. DID YOU FORGET THAT HOJO EXPERIMENTED ON SEPHIROTH WHO WAS BORN WITH ALIEN GENETICS BEFORE HE WAS EVEN BORN? DID YOU? 

Yes, that’s what I thought, sit down I’m not done yet, you can get back in your seat now--

hojo isn’t actually that ugly given dirge’s depiction of him. he looks old and grumpy but if you look close you can see similarities between him and sephiroth. just like you can see similarities between sephiroth and vincent. people see what they want to see here. but really, hojo and sephiroth not looking alike is very simple; hojo injected jenova cells into sephiroth and he was born and grew up looking the way he did. hojo never openly claimed to be his father but that’s because sephiroth was probably literally commissioned by the president as a project and hojo was never allowed to show any paternal pride in his son. seriously, we’re talking about a megalomaniacal company here that takes things apart and puts them back together in new and interesting ways just to see if they’ll work, be those things people or animals or machines. sephiroth’s just the most well known experiment of shin-ra’s, ya know? hero of the wutai war and all of that.

okay, you’re convinced i hear you saying on that part. but what about lucrecia?

lucrecia’s gone, babe. she gave birth to sephiroth and then ran away. she consented to let hojo experiment on her while she was pregnant and i don’t think she would’ve done that if he hadn’t been the baby daddy. if anything she probably would’ve run away if it’d been vincent’s baby and sephiroth would’ve lived a normal life and none of the supremely jacked up bullshit that happened to zack and cloud and everyone else wouldn’t have happened. or maybe it wouldn’t have happened so badly. or it could’ve been worse. okay, butterfly effect aside--

the evidence just remains in hojo’s corner about him being the father of sephiroth. vincent idolized lucrecia and if he did have feelings for her, he kept them to himself until the worst possible moment. really, for he did get shot. but vincent wouldn’t risk his child if lucrecia did have his baby. he wouldn’t have let her be part of the experiments. hojo on the other hand...

well. i’m a firm believer of hojo being the baby daddy because it just adds that extra level of fucked up angst that we all love. 

that and i can seriously go on about this for forever but my juice and cookie are gone so PEACE OUT.