#Nicky’s struggling big time i can tell she definitely went out on this one

[yttmnm5]

SEPTEMBER 10th…,

For weeks…

For days…

For months…

She’s been set to stone.

Frozen solid like an iceberg.

Hard like a rock.

I feel that her heart’s scorched with the flames.

I feel for some reason her exhaustion became the only thing she wears every day of the week of the month.

But… There’s somethin else that she’s hidin’ from me.

There’s somethin beneath that mask that’s shaping her into this person we never knew.

It’s not like YOU to hurt us like that.

It’s not like YOU to make decisions that could damage our friendship.

This.

This was never you to begin with…

Bud…

There’s somethin wrong with you.

There’s somethin pulling you down.

There’s somethin destroying you.

You're my buddy… My Best Buddy.

Please…Talk to me?

Talk to us? We just wanna help.

I wanna help.

Please.

Just…

Be reasonable about all this.

We’re like SISTERS to you.

We love you, buddy…

VERY FREAKIN’ MUCH…

[space-helen]

Back to Vegas - Chapter 6

Words: 2330

Pairing: Nick Stokes x Reader

A/N: Warning for Suicide and Violence. Low key inspired by the ending of Prisoners (2012)

CH1     CH2      CH3     CH4    CH5   CH6   CH7  CH8

_______________________________

Your lungs heaved as you made it into the breakout room. Standing by the door you gave Greg a smile as Nick came in behind you. The two of you had run slightly late and it was a miracle that you’d come in in time.

“Now that everyone’s here.” Greg clapped his hands together “We should get a move on. We have a Warrant for Hannah’s property and Sara and I went in there yesterday. We found some stuff that definitely connects her to the case. Grissom and Catherine started to make stronger connections with what we found and Nick and Y/N really helped look at the evidence all again objectively.” he paused “We’re pretty confident Hannah did this, we have a lead which says she’s been hiring a warehouse just outside of Vegas so we’ll be going there. Nick, Catherine and Sara you come with me to the warehouse. Grissom and Y/N hold down the fort here and start processing some more of the stuff we pulled from Hannah’s house.”

“This isn’t very like Hannah. We all should be extra careful.” Sara spoke up “She’s usually very clever in what she does but it looks like she’s gotten lazy. There has to be a reason for that.”

Greg agreed “Keep your eyes peeled. Alright, those coming with me lets go.” He was soon leaving the room and everyone on his team for the outing soon followed. Nick wrapped his arm around you for a very brief embrace as he left the room and pecked you on the forehead.

“I’d offer you a coffee but if the others are starting right now we should too.”

You smiled at Grissom “That’s fine by me. Lead the way.”

The man smirked and led you to the room he and Catherine had been working in.

The two of you began to work and it didn’t take long for Grissom to get a call. Excusing himself from the room you continued to fingerprint the case of vials found at Hannah’s place as you waited for his return.

“How do you fancy getting away from the lab for a little bit?”

“Sure.” you smiled as you stood up.

“Greg and Sara want you to do another quick sweep of the property to look for anything else, they also want you to pick up Sara’s kit because she left it there. One of them will come over to help you after the warehouse. I’ll stay here and continue processing this” he gestured at the items in front of him

You nodded and took down the address from Grissom. “I’ve printed the vials. They just need to be run through the system now.” 

“Have fun.”

“I will.” you smiled as you made your way out to one of the work vehicles.

The drive wasn’t bad and actually went by quickly. You’d never been to this part of Vegas yet and it didn’t look half bad. The neighbourhood looked friendly yet sparse. Hopping out of your vehicle nothing seemed out of the ordinary, it was quiet and no one was around. The door was locked and had tape over to show that no one had entered. 

You brought out your knife and cut down the tape to let yourself in. Spotting Sara’s kit you picked it up and left the door open as you returned it to the trunk of your vehicle.

Entering the house again you slowly took steps inside and felt the eeriness around you. It was deadly silent yet you felt like you could hear static and like you weren’t alone. “Hello?” you called out into the space.

You felt your phone vibrate in your pocket so you slipped it out to read the text, you smiled when you saw it was from Nick. ‘She wasn’t at the warehouse. Greg, Sara and Cath are going to process here and I’ll be over with you soon x’

‘How can Sara process without a kit?’ you replied quickly.

‘Sharing is caring… we had a backup one in the trunk.’

You laughed ‘See you soon. Love you x’

You put your phone away and continued to walk around the house. Placing your kit down in the living room doorway you walked through to the next room which was an open plan kitchen and dining room. It was sparse but a camera on a tripod connected to a laptop caught your eye. There were items strewn across the table including a kit similar to the one you’d just processed for fingerprints back at the lab.

Moving in front of the camera to look at the laptop screen you noticed an exact reflection of what was in front of the camera, a live feed. You turned and looked away from the laptop screen around the room. That’s when the alarm bells rung, this stuff must not have been here when Greg and Sara processed the scene otherwise it would be at the lab. Slowly reaching for your gun you felt a stabbing sensation in your neck. 

The gun was knocked from your grasp across the room and you struggled against the person who’d come behind you.

“Just give in to it. Give in. You won’t be able to stand much longer. Do yourself a favour.” a woman’s voice came

You continued to struggle and managed to break yourself away briefly to see the woman’s face but it was blurry and your vision was swimming. Whatever she’d injected into you was already taking effect.

“Hannah? What did you?” you brought your hand up to your neck “Potassium?” you were feeling tired and like your tongue was heavy,

“Yes I am and no. It’s a nice little drug cocktail I mustered up when I heard you open the front door.”

You looked at your gun on the floor and tried to dive for it but that was a big mistake, your vision was spotting and Hannah kicked the gun away from your hand and stood on it, before giving you a kick to the stomach which rolled you over. “You really had to ruin my afternoon arrangements huh?”

She walked over to the table “It was supposed to be a nice little recording session to explain everything and finally end it all and be re-united with my brother. But no.” she turned around with another syringe. “You had to ruin it and take the peace away.”

You tried to crawl away on the floor and sit up to get away but she was soon back over at your side pushing you down and moving your hair out of the way. “But what’s one more casualty?” She forcefully pushed your head down to the ground, pain emitted there instantly. “Unfortunately I have nothing here that’ll kill you quickly besides the gun and that’s well that’s really not my style.”

Nick’s voice calling your name made her stop for a second. You tried your best to scream his but you had no clue what ever came out, the first dose of whatever she’d injected in your system already wreaking havoc on you.

You tried to struggle against her and push her away but it was too later, the needle had broken your skin and you could feel her injecting the concoction. She leaned down close to your ear and continued to inject the solutions as she whispered “Pitty I didn’t get to do this to anyone that actually worked on my cases before, that would have been more satisfying.”

Nick had entered the room to see her over you and saw her pulling the needle out of you and your body going limp. “Put your hands up.” he drew his gun and sent an alert out on his walkie subtly.

“I said put your hands up.”

Hannah eventually moved away from you and stood. “You don’t have long. The clock’s ticking for her already.”

“What did you inject!” he shouted.

She gestured to the table “Your guess is as good as mine, a little bit of everything.”

Nick peered at you to see your eyes fluttering open and closed as your head rolled on the ground.

“Step away.” he called to Hannah. 

“I don’t think I will.” she approached the table and picked up another vial. “You know I was saving this for me but I don’t think that’d do the trick quick enough. You wouldn’t let me have the satisfaction of dying that way.” 

She turned away from Nick as he took a step forward towards you as Hannah was slowly creeping away from you. Before he could really react he saw Hannah dive for something on the floor and stand upright again.

She held your gun to her head “Tell her I said thanks for the gun, but then again I might get the chance before you if she doesn’t make it.”

“No!” Nick shouted as he began to move towards Hannah for the gun. A bang had Nick freezing freezing, she’d shot herself.

Nick turned away in shock and shouted down his walkie talkie before coming to you with tears in his eyes. “Y/N.” he shook you “Y/N. Wake up please.”

He could see your eyes rolling in your head and you tried to open them. “Nicky.” you mumbled.

“Yeah Honey?”

“I love you.” it came out thickly “Remember that.” your voice sounded tired.

“I know Baby I know.” tears were threatening now “I love you too. Just stay with me ok?” We’re going to get you to the hospital.” he brought his fingers to your neck to try and feel your pulse.

He knew he’s asked for medical assistance and an emergency team but he couldn’t wait around. He knew it would be quicker to drive you. Picking you up he moved as fast as he could with you out to the car he’d arrived in, placing you across the back seats he hopped in the driver's seat and drove as fast as he could towards the nearest hospital.

“Y/N. Talk to me Sweetheart.” he begged as he drove.

“Please” he looked in the rearview mirror to try and see you but he could only see you lying still with limp arms. “Please speak to me. Please” he pleaded, tears very much collecting in his eyes. “We’re nearly there Honey. Nearly there, stay with me now. You’re going to be ok.”

He pulled up right outside the emergency room of the hospital and called for help as loud as he could while he moved you out of the back. Carrying you inside he was met by a team of people rushing towards him with a bed. He lay you down gently and kept brushing your hair out of your face and taking in your features as he rolled off what had happened to the staff. 

“Please just save her.” he sobbed, the tears finally falling.

“We’ll try our best Mr Stokes but you’re going to have to wait here.” A tall nurse spoke

“You don’t understand. She means everything to me.”

“We understand. Please just sit down and call someone.” the Nurse tried to push him back from the moving bed.

Nick took your hand and placed a kiss on it as the tears streamed down his face and the team around you started prodding your skin with different needles to draw blood and inject other solutions into your system.

He entirely froze in place when he let go of your hand and it felt like his world came crashing down around him as you turned the corner and were out of his sight. 

Flopping in a chair he opened his phone to see missed calls from Greg and Grissom. Pressing some buttons with no real aim he realised he was dialling Greg, bringing his cellphone to his ear he heard the man calling his name.

“Greg?”

“Nick, what the hell is going on? It does not look good over here.”

“I’m at the hospital with Y/N.”

“I guessed as much. Is everything ok? The EMT’s arrived at the same time Sara, Catherine and I did.”

“She might not make it.” Nick tried to hold back his tears but the hurt and sadness was very much still in his voice. “Hannah-” he was cut off by some tears falling and he tried to compose himself to continue to Greg “Hannah attacked Y/N and injected her with God only knows what. I couldn’t wait.”

“Alright. Alright.” Greg’s tone had softened now and was less urgent. “You keep your mind on Y/N we’ll sort this out. I think Grissom was on his way to you. Look after her ok?”

“Yeah” his voice was wobbly and he brought his hand up to his eyes “I’ll keep you updated.”

Hanging up he leant all the way forward, crossed his arms over his lap and rested his head there and let out some more sobs. The uncertainty was killing him. He couldn’t bear to lose you.

He looked up when he heard someone walking down the corridor to him. He was only now realising that he’d picked a really quiet spot to sit down.

Nick was immediately on his feet as soon as he saw who it was, his phone fell on the floor but he didn’t care. He took a couple of steps forward and opened his arms to embrace the older man who had been a father figure to him for many years. 

“Pancho.” Grissom spoke sadly as he cradled Nick’s head and allowed him to cry.

“I can’t lose her.” Nick choked out.

“I know Nick, I know.” the man gently pulled away to see Nicks red eyes and tear tracks down his face. “Let's get you some water.”

Nick picked up his phone from the floor and allowed Grissom to lead the way. Grissom knew how much you meant to him and all he could do right now was be a shoulder to cry on because no one knew what the future held.

Next Chapter

Tag List: (open)

Nick Stokes: @wanniiieeee  @pumpkinfriend

CSI:

[ak8shi]

Kuroo + Iwaizumi: HQ boys as workout instructors series

Suga + Bokuto ver.

warnings: light swearing!!

Kuroo Tetsurou

Your friend somehow convinces you to go to a kickboxing class, bribing you with ice cream afterwards

You: …what do you mean I have to leave my bed

Honestly you’re scared because you’re out of shape and definitely nothing close to a regular at the gym

You arrive at the gym with your friend, and you enter the kickboxing room

There’s around 15 people in the class, but the instructor hasn’t arrive yet

You stretch with your friend, mentally preparing yourself to absolutely die LMAO

Around five minutes before the class begins, this tall guy walks in with a duffel bag

To put it simply, HE WAS BEAUTIFUL,, and you definitely weren’t the only one looking

As he puts his things down in the corner, you can see his back muscles flexing under his tight black shirt he just hits so different in all black I’m about to bark

He takes out his boxing tape, wrapping his hands in it, and then he introduces himself,,,

“Hi everyone, welcome to beginning kickboxing! My name is Kuroo, and I’m going to be helping everyone with drills throughout the class. Let me know if you need anything before we begin.”

Let’s be honest, Kuroo’s workout playlist BANGS,, he’s a big fan of Roddy Ricch, J.Cole, Nicki, Kendrick, Meg, and Travis

You, praying: can I not embarrass myself in front of this man thanks !

He puts the music on, instructing everyone through a warm-up from the front of the studio

Kuroo is such a great teacher, and he somehow makes it so fun and engaging, king shit!!

Ugh he has such great energy and gets everyone encouraged and pumped up, he’s also SO smiley and approachable

After the warm up, everyone slips on their gloves with ease, ofc,,, except for you

Dear god he’s about to start and you’re not ready

Your friend isn’t helping you, she wants you to ask for help LMAOOO

You finally suck it up and raise your hand, and he walks over to you

Kuroo: hey can I help you out with that?

You: WHY IS HE SO HOT?? AND RESPECTFUL????

He carefully helps you get the gloves onto your hands, making sure you’re comfy before jogging back up to the front of the classroom you blacked out for a few minutes

He takes everyone through the movements, starting basic with how to hit the bag, posture, and form

Kuroo eventually gives everyone drills to do, and he walks around the room to see if anyone needs assistance

You’re trying your best and really getting into it, until he walks around and gives you a cute smile and a thumbs up please how am I supposed to focus on not dying when you’re like this sir

Your friend is nudging you,,,

“dude he’s totally into you, I’ve taken classes with him before and he doesn’t do that to just anyone”

Your stomach is erupting in butterflies at her words or maybe you’re trying not to yak, but you’re trying not to get your hopes up

The class is coming to an end, and it somehow went by so fast?? Maybe because you spent half of it staring at Kuroo’s arms as he hits the punching bag

You are super sweaty but the workout was refreshing and you definitely want to try kickboxing again ,,, especially if Kuroo is the instructor

He gets the attention of the class after going through a cool-down routine

“Thank you so much for being amazing everyone! I hope to see some of you in my intermediate level classes, or just around the gym in general, don’t be a stranger!”

You start to pack up your things, everyone else besides your friend and Kuroo having left the room

Your friend suddenly: bye! It was so nice meeting you today sis! Text me when you get home!

SHE LEFT YOU I-

You’re confused for a second since she literally drove you to the gym, but before you can say anything someone is tapping your shoulder

You turn around,,,shaking in your boots,,,, Kuroo is standing there with his bag slung around his shoulder, wiping his face with a towel

He looks so good sweaty please

Him: hey, was this your first session? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in any of my classes… I definitely would’ve remembered you ;) we all know he practiced this in his head for the entirety of the class because he’s a DORK in actuality

Bro all you can do is squeak out a “yes”

He asks for your number, and offers to train you personally at the gym,, HOT

You walk out of the building a blushing mess, and then you see your friend sitting outside in her car LMAO

Her, as you get in the passenger seat: so,, did you secure the bag

You: WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME

Her: I did what I had to do get you a friend

Iwaizumi Hajime

So you’re a regular at the gym, but you haven’t really tried any of the classes offered through your membership

You sign up for a spin class that takes place every Wednesday morning, thinking it would be nice to get a workout in before work

It was not

You had to wake up at 5 am to eat something and get dressed for the class, and you find yourself dragging yourself into the locker rooms to put your things away

With sleep still evident in your features, you go to sit at one of the spin machines, resting your head on the handle waiting for impending doom

A guy walks in rocking an all-white and grey fit and puts his things down next to you, but you don’t really pay attention to him or make an effort to look at him properly

Everyone slowly trickles into the spin room, chatting amongst themselves and you’re not really sure how anyone is functioning this early

Then,, the dude next to you stands up and turns around, speaking into his head set

“Good morning everyone, welcome to intermediate spin, my name is Iwaizumi and I will be your instructor! Please be ready to go in five minutes,”

You didn’t even realize you sat next to the instructor seat lmao, and you’re stunned by how nice the man’s voice is!!! Not only did he have a nice voice, but you also overlooked him as an instructor because he was so young looking

So once everyone is ready to go, he hops onto the bike next to you

His playlist consists of Bad Bunny, electronic, and a lot of RnB the taste jumped out

As you start the machine and it shows the route that the bike is supposed to take, Iwa starts talking about the goal of the workout and the motivation its going to take to finish

We love a professional !!!

The class is hard; mostly because it’s your first time but you make it through thanks to Iwaizumi’s skilled teaching style, and the way he doesn’t leave anyone behind even if they are struggling

It also helped that he was next to you most of the session you could see every droplet of sweat on his beautiful face and tanned arms

You feel great after every session, feeling like you’re accomplishing something, and you get to see your little crush every Wednesday

It definitely makes it easier to get out of bed in the morning

You make small talk with Iwa since he’s right next to you, and slowly it progresses into a really nice friendship

You help him set-up and clean-up the room before and after class, and he brings you coffee in return (he knows your order by heart🥰)

Him: good morning

You: fuck off loser👹

Him: I brought you coffee

You: ☺️hey Iwa

He’s honestly so great at his job, and he tells you that he got into cycling because of the side-training he did for volleyball

One session near the end of the cycling classes, you were having a rough time and in a bad mood because of work, and Iwa lowkey helped you work through it within that one workout session and you felt so much better by the end of it how does he do it

You, dying: Iwa I can’t go on

Him: You fucking panini head who said you were allowed to stop

The forty year old soccer mom on the other side of him: Iwa I can’t go on

Him: You’re doing amazing sweetie! Don’t hurt yourself, you got this!😘

…t-that’s when you realize you have feelings for him, but you’re not really sure how to go about telling him

You stress over it for the next week, and in no time you find yourself walking into your last class with Iwa as your instructor sad girl hours

You had bought him a sweatband as a joke and embroidered his initials on it, and you were planning on giving it to him at the end of class

He greets you the same as usual, and then turns and thanks everyone for sticking with the class

The session is amazing of course, but you’re feeling such a mix of emotions as the seconds on your machine dwindle down to 0:00

A few people come up to Iwa to thank him, and you purposely pack up your things and stretch super slowly

Finally, you are the only two people left in the room

He finishes cleaning off the seats, and then he turns to you as you’re turning the machines off,

His steel eyes are boring into you, and he’s cracking his knuckles nervously

“h-hey, would you maybe want to go out with me sometime?”

NOT WHAT YOU WERE EXPECTING-

You blush,, but in the best way possible;

You reach over to pinch his rosy cheek, obviously saying yes

You reach into your bag and throw the sweatband at him

He catches it, laughing as he admires the stitchwork on it

Him, knowing you embroidered it yourself: omg aw did Helen Keller stitch this?😍

You: for personal reasons I will be revoking my agreement to go on any kind of date with you

Before you leave the gym with your fresh coffee, you give him a kiss on the cheek and he literally can not stop thinking about how crazy he is about you !!

[qqueenofhades]

I really don’t want to start a discourse™, but I want you to know that I really appreciate how you write joe and Nicky in deo volente. So many of the fics I’ve read have placed yusef in the role of more sexually experienced and less devoted to god, while Nicky is depicted as an inexperienced and virginal priest/knight/monk and so forth and so on. Your narrative of joe out there rescuing people and being faithful, while Nicky looks back on his life of gambling and pleasures of the flesh ...(1/?)

Not to say that there’s anything wrong with either, obviously. I love guilty priest Nicky and repressed Nicky and p much every Nicky. But in the vast array of fics out there, it’s rare to see the opposite. Not that you’re working in a binary morally good/religious vs. not way. Your writing in the fic is really subtle and and your characterizations reveal a lot of depth. I just think it’s cool to see Nicky, average second son of a duke, drinking and gambling and feeling terribly guilty (2/?)

Guilty about the crusades and the fucking horror of crusade 1 without being excessively devout. Just an average dude. Not some paragon of virtue (btw, I’m on chapter 2 of the fic, so I don’t know how much your characterization changes moving forward. You have a lovely ability to combine your incredible knowledge of history, your beautiful writing, and these intimate details of the characters that make them fit— fit the canon and fit the history. (3/? Shit I’m sorry this had gotten way too long)

I enjoy the way you’ve really inserted us into the quotidian aspect of history. Aaaaaanyway— the discourse that I was afraid of: I think that a lot of fans of the movie that are generating fan content (tysfm to all of you beauties, btw 🙏🙏♥️) are westerners (which is a whole nother kettle of fish) and that carries a sort of ignorance about the Muslim world in the Middle Ages and this desire to simplify Europe as “Christian” “fighters for faith” etc. (4/? Fuuuuck. One(??) more)

And when we do that, we end up as characterizing the brown people as “not that”. The thing I love about this fandom is that people are definitely down on the crusades. I feel like all the fic I’ve read has been particularly negative about those wars, but the thing I love about your fic is that you don’t just say war is bad because people died and it was despicable and this pious white dude says so and this one brown person agrees. (5/6, I see the end in sight I swear it)

Instead you give us a larger cast of Muslims and Arabs and really flesh them out and give them opinions and different interpretations of faith, and I really appreciate that. The crusades were terrible, and we know this because these regular dudes who struggle with their different faiths and lives say so. And I just. I think that’s really great. Also, I fucking love yusef’s mom. I feel like more people would be accepting of the gift in this fashion and I think she’s lovely and (god damn it 6/7)

Aaaaaaaand. The bit where yusef returns and she’s already gone breaks my fucking heart. Also the moment where he’s like “I’m not sure about Abraham’s god, but my mothers god is worth my faith”?? Just really fucking great. So. Excellent fic. Excellent characters. Excellent not-being-accidentally-biased-towards-white-Christians. That is what I came here to say. Thank you so much for your amazing stories. I love them and I love history. Sorry about the rambling. idek how I wrote so much. (7/7)

Epilogue: tl;dr: you’re great.

Oh man! What a huge and thoughtful comment (which will in turn provoke a long-ass response from me, so…) I absolutely agree that no matter what fandom, I don’t do Discourse TM; I just sit in my bubble and stay in my lane and do my own thing and create content I enjoy. And I don’t even think this is that so much as just… general commentary on character and background? So obviously all of this should be read as my own personal experience and choices in writing DVLA, and that alone. I really appreciate you for saying that you love a wide range of fan creators/fanworks and you’re not placing one over another, you understand that fans have diverse ranges of backgrounds/experience with history and other cultures when they create content, and that’s not the same for everyone. So I just think that’s a great and respectful way to start things off.

First, as a professional historian who has written a literal PhD thesis on the crusades, I absolutely understand that many people (and regular fans) will not have the same privilege/education/perspective that I do, and that’s fine! They should not be expected to get multiple advanced degrees to enjoy a Netflix movie! But since I DO have that background, and since I’ve been working on the intellectual genealogy of the crusades (and the associated Christian/Muslim component, whether racially or religiously) since I was a master’s student, I have a lot of academic training and personal feelings that inform how I write these characters. Aside from my research on all this, my sister lives in an Islamic country and her boyfriend is a Muslim man; I’ve known a lot of Muslims and Middle Easterners; and especially with the current political climate of Islamophobia and the reckoning with racism whether in reality or fandom, I have been thinking about all this a lot, and my impact on such.

Basically: I love Nicky dearly, but I ADORE Joe, and as such, I’m protective of him and certainly very mindful of how I write him. Especially when the obvious default for westerners in general, fandom-related or otherwise, is to write what you are familiar with (i.e. the European Christian white character) and be either less comfortable or less confident or sometimes less thoughtful about his opposing number. I have at times tangentially stumbled across takes on Joe that turn me into the “eeeeeeeh” emoji or Dubious Chrissy Teigen, but I honestly couldn’t tell you anything else about them because I was like, “nope not for me” and went elsewhere rather than do Discourse (which is pretty much a waste of time everywhere and always makes people feel bad). This is why I’m always selective about my fan content, but especially so with this ship, because I have SO much field-specific knowledge that I just have to make what I like and which suits my personal tastes. So that is what I do.

Obviously, there’s a troublesome history with the trope of “sexually liberate brown person seduces virginal white character into a world of Fleshly Decadence,” whether from the medieval correlation of “sodomite” and “Saracen,” or the nineteenth-century Orientalist depictions of the East as a land variously childishly simplistic, societally backward, darkly mysterious and Exotic, or “decadent” (read: code for sexually unlike Western Europe, including the spectrum of queer acts). So when I was writing DVLA, I absolutely did not want to do that and it’s not to my taste, but I’m not going to whip out a red pen on someone else writing a story that broadly follows those parameters (because as I said, I stay in my lane and don’t see it anyway). Joe to me is just such an intensely complex and lovely Muslim character that that’s the only way I feel like I can honestly write him, and I absolutely love that about him. So yeah, any depiction of hypersexualizing him or making him only available for the sexual use and education of the white character(s) is just... mmm, not for me.

For example, I stressed over whether it was appropriate to move his origin from “somewhere in the Maghreb” to Cairo specifically, since Egypt, while it IS in North Africa, is not technically part of the Maghreb. I realize that Marwan Kenzari’s family is Tunisian and that’s probably why they chose it, to honor the actor’s heritage, but on the flip side… “al-Kaysani” is also a specifically Ismai’li Shia name (it’s the name of a branch of it) and the Fatimids (the ruling dynasty in Jerusalem at the time of the First Crusade) were well-known for being the only Ismai’li Shia caliphate. (This is why the Shi’ites still ancestrally dislike Saladin for overthrowing it in 1174, even if Saladin is a huge hero to the rest of the Islamic world.) Plus I really wanted to use medieval Cairo as Joe’s homeland, and it just made more sense for an Ismai’li Shia Fatimid from Cairo (i.e. the actual Muslim denomination and caliphate that controlled Jerusalem) to be defending the Holy City because it was personal for him, rather than a Sunni Zirid from Ifriqiya just kind of turning up there. Especially due to the intense fragmentation and disorganization in the Islamic world at the time of the First Crusade (which was a big part of the reason it succeeded) and since the Zirids were a breakaway group from the Fatimids and therefore not very likely to be militarily allied with them. As with my personal gripes about Nicky being a priest, I decided to make that change because I felt, as a historian, that it made more sense for the character. But I SUPER recognize it as my own choices and tweaks, and obviously I’m not about to complain at anyone for writing what’s in graphic novel/bonus content canon!

That ties, however, into the fact that Nicky has a clearly defined city/region of origin (Genoa, which has a distinct history, culture, and tradition of crusading) and Joe is just said to be from “the Maghreb” which…. is obviously huge. (I.e. anywhere in North Africa west of Egypt all the way to Morocco.) And this isn’t a fandom thing, but from the official creators/writers of the comics and the movie. And I’m over here like: okay, which country? Which city? Which denomination of Islam? You’ve given him a Shia name but then point him to an origin in Sunni Ifriqiya. If he’s from there, why has he gone thousands of miles to Jerusalem in the middle of a dangerous war to help his religious/political rivals defend their territory? Just because he’s nice? Because it was an accident? Why is his motivation or reason for being there any less defined or any less religious (inasmuch as DVLA Nicky’s motive for being on the First Crusade is religious at all, which is not very) than the white character’s? In a sense, the Christians are the ones who have to work a lot harder to justify their presence in the Middle East in the eleventh century at all: the First Crusade was a specifically military and offensive invasion launched at the direct behest of the leader of the Western Roman church (Pope Urban II.) So the idea that they’re “fighting for the faith” or defending it bravely is…

Eeeeh. (Insert Dubious Chrissy Teigen.)

But of course, nobody teaches medieval history to anyone in America (except for Bad Game of Thrones History Tee Em), and they sure as hell don’t teach about the crusades (except for the Religious Violence Bad highlight reel) so people don’t KNOW about these things, and I wish they DID know, and that’s why I’m over here trying to be an academic so I can help them LEARN it, and I get very passionate about it. So once again, I entirely don’t blame people who have acquired this distorted cultural impression of the crusades and don’t want to do a book’s worth of research to write a fic about a Netflix movie. I do hope that they take the initiative to learn more about it because they’re interested and want to know more, since by nature the pairing involves a lot of complex religious, racial, and cultural dynamics that need to be handled thoughtfully, even if you don’t know everything about it. So like, basically all I want is for the Muslim character(s) to be given the same level of respect, attention to detail, background story, family context, and religious diversity as any of the white characters, and Imma do it myself if I have to. Dammit.

(I’m really excited to hear your thoughts on the second half of the fic, especially chapter 3 and chapter 6, but definitely all of it, since I think the characters they’re established as in the early part of the fic do remain true to themselves and both grow and struggle and go through a realistic journey with their faith over their very long lives, and it’s one of my favorite themes about DVLA.)

Anyway, about Nicky. I also made the specific choice to have him be an average guy, the ordinary second son of a nobleman who doesn’t really know what he’s doing with his life and isn’t the mouthpiece of Moral Virtue in the story, since as he himself realizes pretty quick, the crusades and especially the sack/massacre of Jerusalem are actually horrific. I’ve written in various posts about my nitpicking gripes with him being a priest, so he’s not, and as I said, I’m definitely avoiding any scenario where he has to Learn About The World from Joe. That is because I want to make the point that the people on the crusades were people, and they went for a lot of different reasons, not all of which were intense personal religious belief. The crusades were an institution and operated institutionally. Even on the First Crusade, where there were a lot of ordinary people who went because of sincere religious belief, there was the usual bad behavior by soldiers and secular noblemen and people who just went because it was the thing to do. James Brundage has an article about prostitution and miscegenation and other sexual activity on the First Crusade; even at the height of this first and holy expedition, it was happening. So Nicky obviously isn’t going to be the moral exemplar because a) the crusades are horrific, he himself realizes that, and b) it’s just as historically accurate that he wouldn’t be anyway. Since the idea is that medieval crusaders were all just zealots and ergo Not Like Us is dangerous, I didn’t want to do that either. If we think they all went because they were all personally fervent Catholics and thus clearly we couldn’t do the same, then we miss a lot of our own behavior and our parallel (and troubling) decisions, and yeah.

As well, I made a deliberate choice to have Nicky’s kindness (which I LOVE about him, it’s one of my favorite things, god how refreshing to have that be one of the central tenets of a male warrior character) not to be something that was just… always there and he was Meek and Good because a priest or whatever else. Especially as I’ve gotten older and we’ve all been living through these ridiculous hellyears (2020 is the worst, but it’s all been general shit for a while), I’ve thought more and more about how kindness is an active CHOICE and it’s as transgressive as anything else you can do and a whole lot more brave than just cynicism and nihilism and despair. As you’ll see in the second half of the fic, Nicky (and Joe) have been through some truly devastating things and it might be understandable if they gave into despair, but they DON’T. They choose to continue to be good people and to try and to actively BE kind, rather than it being some passive default setting. They struggle with it and it’s raw and painful and they’re not always saints, but they always come down on the side of wanting to keep doing what they’re doing, and I… have feelings about that.

Anyway, this is already SUPER long, so I’ll call it quits for now. But thank you so much for this, because I love these characters and I love the story I created for them in DVLA, since all this is personal to me in a lot of ways, and I’m so glad you picked up on that.

[wsgeon]

hey everyone! ummm this is peyton (also the mun of lee hyeon) taking a second shot at a second character — i have a lot of muse for this one, so i swear he’ll be around for a while… 🥵 this is ryu geon, yes his name rhymes with hyeon’s & no i do not care ♥️ he’s the lead guitarist/vocalist of meta and also the son of a former nobody rockstar, but i’ll get into all that below! like this post if you’d like for me to come into your ims to plot, click the read more for more info on geon, and/or click here to be taken to his pages: CAREER, DOSSIER, PINTEREST.

HISTORY.

born in autumn ‘97 to a “budding rockstar” (translation: “no yeah i swear our band’s really starting to take off, we sold twenty-three tickets to our last show!”) & a woman with commitment issues ♥️ geon’s dad always told him that his mom left because she had some dire matters that needed to be taken care of and SWORE that she cried the last time she held her dear baby boy, but all of his dad’s bandmates say that she was just some groupie and had to be persuaded into carrying her child to term… who can say for sure?

naturally, there are no pictures of this mystery woman. there was one (1) of her holding infant geon, but then he found out that that was actually a sound tech who worked for his dad’s band… and he just never corrected geon’s assumptions LOLLLL

anyway! he was always really close to his dad, considering they were a two-person family. he has a set of grandparents, an aunt and a couple cousins but they were never involved with geon’s life because his dad is the #blacksheep of the family. geon and his dad against the world, am i right?

uhhh geon was also kind of a black sheep growing up, but he didn’t really notice? he was a happy kid, very energetic and enthusiastic. a lot of adults in the area looked down on him & his dad, but he was SOOOO blind to it because his dad’s a god in his eyes and HE’S always been nice to everyone, so why would they not like him??? because his clothes smelled a little like dad’s cigarette smoke??? big deal

wasn’t troublesome (beyond talking too much), but a lot of people still expected bad things from him :/ “his father’s a dirtbag, i’ll be surprised if that boy doesn’t end up in jail by 20”, “he won’t amount to anything without a proper role model in his life”, “his dad is teaching him how to slack off”, “he won’t contribute anything to society”, etc. he kindaaa picked up on this as he got older but pretended not to because it was more rewarding to play dumb and keep being a good kid(tm) to prove them wrong

was basically a mini version of his dad. same style, similar features, birthmarks in the same places, same “live today, die tomorrow” approach in life, same affinity for singing & playing rock music. ummm he loved his dad a lot. a lot. a lot. wanted to make him proud SO BAD, started his first band when he was 15 and they sucked so bad but his dad was their biggest fan… you know how it is. a lot of people misunderstood him, but he was a very good guy and such a great parent

TW DEATH unfortunately he passed away just shy of geon’s 18th birthday and your boy still hasn’t forgiven the world for taking his dad when he was in the middle of his angsty teen phase — had he known that their time together was dwindling, he would’ve been so so so much better to him END TW

his dad’s band actually rocketed into the charts after he passed & suddenly they were getting loads of publicity, lots of “what a shame that he went under-appreciated” which pissed geon off SOOOO bad because why couldn’t they have had that energy when he was still alive? he’s still mad about it five/six years later

this is getting kinda long, so uhhh tl;dr, he ended up staying with the drummer of his dad’s band until he was old enough to live alone/READY to live alone, but he changed quite a bit. was really going through it, quit his band, stopped putting effort into school. barely graduated. went from being a social butterfly spending every weekend at a gig or with friends to spending all of his time on a pc or in front of a tv, playing console games. the internet comforted him when nobody else would/could and then he met the future members of meta <33333333 #newbeginnings

present day geon is still struggling, has to go to counseling bi-weekly but he’s coming back out of his shell! he wants to fall in love with life again, just wants to tread carefully... outgoing & will talk to absolutely anyone, but he still spends most of his time alone. hard to reach by text, so if you wanna talk to him, you better call/facetime LMAO. talks a mile a minute, especially if you get him going abt something he really likes. laughs a lot, smiles a lot, more habitual than actual signs of happiness but yk. ummm he has a really loud voice, mostly controlled nowadays but he still gets carried away sometimes. an absolute menace during long drives/flights, sorry meta.

funny but only when he’s in large groups. feeds off of other peoples’ energy, really good at reading a room and breaking the ice/making everyone comfortable, but if you meet him 1-on-1, none of his jokes land quite the same.

i envision him as being the kind of guy who carries himself in such a way that you’d assume he’s really popular/out of reach/maybe even full of himself, but he’s... not like that... at all... in fact, he’s kinda irritating when you get to know him. the personification of a flood followed by a drought and vice versa, always either too much or not enough. gets used/ghosted/dropped/dumped/whatever a lot because he’s soooo fun in the moment (if he isn’t in his feelings), but draining long-term.

really emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feelings in a way that a lot of people never thought he would be (probably thanks to counseling tbh). he’s very very rarely the type of person who will make you wonder what your place in his life is — he’s communicative, kind, honest. ummm he thinks that intimacy between friends needs to be more common, so he’s really affectionate with the people in his life. type of guy to tell you he loves you every chance he gets (calling you when he’s drunk, sounding like a clingy ex type beat) & greet you/depart with a hug. losing his dad kinda fucked him up in the way that he won’t leave/hang up until his friends say “i love you” back, gets kinda (re: very) upset if he’s denied that and/or a hug.

TRIVIA.

has been playing the guitar “longer than he’s been walking” (not really, but he swears it’s true).

uhhh he really likes nail art, but he’s kinda hesitant in what he tries? mainly sticks to black polish (or other plain colors), but sometimes he’ll get little designs added in as well. mainly does it himself because he still doesn’t feel comfortable in salons... if his work looks bad, leave him alone <3 he’s trying

inspired by people like kurt cobain, nicky wire, yungblud, billie joe armstrong & damiano david in the fact that he’s not against wearing dresses or skirts on stage. doesn’t do it ALL the time, but often enough that it doesn’t go unnoticed. some people say that he does it for attention because he doesn’t dress like that elsewhere and tbh they’re probably kinda right

interested in history (only SOME... dinosaurs, ancient civilizations, specialized areas like the history of circuses/clowns/skateboarding/punk, stuff like that yk), stand-up comedy & documentaries. could spend a whole day watching documentaries and would say he had fun, has a lot of useless knowledge that nobody gives a fuck about and is kinda dumb when it comes to things that matter

when it comes to music, he prefers playing really fast and heavy rock or punk over anything else, but he actually listens to a lot more soft indie on his own time... he’s too tense these days to be listening to anything else RIPPP

the vibe: homemade tie-dye, ripped slipknot t-shirts, frosted tips, neon crocs with alien & peace-sign charms, chipped black nail polish, calloused hands, cheesy pick-up lines used NOT to land a date but to pull a smile, driving until he’s lost, stupid socks paired with pressed suits, dramatic poetry in an iphone note, etc. 

PLOT IDEAS.

people he met through online support groups about coping with grief

uhhh an on & off relationship that’s been going for who-knows-how-long. the reason for this is up for discussion, but i imagine that he hasn’t given up yet because the constant highs and lows are a good source of inspo 🤪 artists must suffer for their art!

opposite side of the coin — someone he’s interested in, but he’s NOT disloyal so it’s a pattern of persistent courting when he’s single vs intense friend-zoning when he’s not and they’re getting tired of trying to figure out what he wants from them

someone else who likes nail art & can convince him that NOBODY cares if he goes to a salon

someone (probably female but doesn’t really matter tbh) who feels like his feminism is entirely performative… maybe they attack him directly for it or maybe they just REALLY don’t like him and they’re super vague about it idk. either way, please tell him that activism is much more than recommending one female artist a year and saying “clothes have no gender 🤪” so he can be praised for the bare minimum (his heart is in the right place but his skull is empty)

someone super introverted who comes out of their shell with geon! uhhh maybe they think that he’s the one doing them a favor, but in reality spending time with them has been doing wonders for his mental health

other people who like to skate. let’s congregate at the local skatepark and scare the middle schoolers away

someone who inspires him musically, for whatever reason. lots of late nights in studios, idly strumming his guitar and writing lyrics that definitely aren’t about how their eyes look in these dim lights… umm maybe he thinks he has a crush on them but really doesn’t and ends up hurting them eventually, maybe he really DOES have a crush but will (probably) never do anything abt it or maybe it’s entirely platonic and he just admires them a ridiculous amount

someone who likes to make music as a hobby, prob won’t publish/release any of it but it’s fun to imagine. spontaneous meetings with geon in the middle of the night, recording songs together and keeping the WORST takes for the laughs. there’s probably a diss-track of them going in on each other floating around somewhere even though geon can’t rap for shit

night owls who keep him company on the phone, even if they can’t be there physically. them talking really quietly vs geon shouting at them while he plays games LMAO

gaming buddies. come over, maybe you can carry geon through his game of the week or you can both fail but have fun while you’re at it… or you can scream while he fends off that hoard of zombies behind you

i’m typing this at the last minute (literally) so i’m gonna stop here, but i will get a proper plots page put up asap with a wider variety of connections!!! but as always, please do let me know if you have any other ideas. i’m always happy to plot and write with you all 🌚

[ghost-in-the-stalls]

Neil Josten's Playlist Part 1: Andrew

Masterpost and link to the playlist in its entirety

These songs are going to be the biggest chunk of the playlist. Are we surprised?

Okay here we go:

1. Take Me To Church - Hozier

I was not joking about Neil being a Hozier fan. You cannot tell me this boy doesn’t hear this song on the radio and immediately think of Andrew. Every time it came on he’d make sure the radio stayed on the station so he could listen all the way through. It got overplayed but he’s probably the only person in the world who never got sick of it at the time. He got used to listening to the same songs over and over again with his mom, so he's even comforted by repeating songs now.

5. Stay - Rihanna & Mikky Ekko

So one night, after several nightmares within the span of a few hours, Neil wasn’t too proud to admit that he absolutely wasn’t going to get any decent sleep that night. Andrew took him on a long drive without even having to be asked. The silence was shoving Neil even further into his thoughts, so Andrew turned on the radio. He settled on a station that was playing softer music that Neil probably wouldn’t hate, and he just kept driving. Once this song came on, Neil became enamored with it. It’s another one of those songs that makes him think of Andrew, but it’s more because he listens to the lyrics and realizes Andrew has said half of these things to him. It’s now a song that, even years later when he and Andrew are living in separate states and desperately trying to land contracts with the same team, Neil listens to on bad nights.

6. River - Bishop Briggs

Listen... this is just another really solid Andreil song.......... and I’m absolutely positive this is a song that Neil would like. Let me have this.

For Neil everything with Andrew is simultaneously loud and quiet and intense and gentle and hard and soft. He’s never known someone to make him feel so much yet calm him down from panic to nothing so smoothly. Even their intimacy holds so much complexity and weight to it. This is a song I feel like Andrew introduced him to, because it absolutely makes him think of Neil too (not that he'd say that out loud).

8. Dreams - The Cranberries

Renee likes the Cranberries and she got Andrew into them too. Andrew pretends this song doesn’t make him think about Neil but no one is actually fooled by that when they catch him listening to it. Least of all Neil because he feels the same thing listening to the lyrics. Not much explanation past that. Neil vibes with this song right from the opening lyrics (”Oh, my life is changing every day in every possible way”), to the comparison of a lover to a dream (he still remembers when Andrew called him a pipedream, even if he didn’t understand at the time), to the vocal breaks in the middle and at the end where it just sounds like someone singing their soul right out of their body.

Neil is a private person and not someone to ever scream his love from rooftops. But that doesn’t mean the concept doesn’t hit him deep. He’s been through a lot and he’s come out the other end with a love of his own that’s deeper and more than anything he ever imagined. His lack of expressing passion about most things (Andrew) doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel incredibly passionate about certain things in a way that cuts deep. He found love and it’s incredible

12. Easily - Bruno Major

I've mentioned this previously, but I hc that Andrew and Neil almost broke up in Neil’s last year at Palmetto. Not going to get into it, but this song had a big part in pulling Neil through that whole year, ESPECIALLY the situation with Andrew. Maybe I’ll make a separate, more detailed post about that sometime. But basically I hc that neither of them were in good spots emotionally. And Andrew was very close to giving up on everything - including Neil.

They managed to pull through and stop one another from giving up on it all, even when things got really hard.

15. Sunlight - Hozier

No I’m not done with the Hozier songs. Did I say I was done with the Hozier songs? Not gonna happen.

Anyway so the story of this song is he was talking with Allison and Nicky once about music and their SOs (well he was listening more than talking but he wasn’t ignoring them), and Nicky outright asked him if there was a song that made him think of Andrew. He’d heard this one for the first time recently and it was just the most recent of many songs that make him think of Andrew, so he threw it out there to humor them. They hadn’t heard it but were very doubtful that any song titled “Sunlight” could have anything to do with Andrew at all, so he showed it to them. They didn’t really change their minds and instead Allison went on another tirade about how Neil is gone for Andrew in a way that Andrew couldn’t possibly be for him and how she was worried for him. Nicky stood up for his cousin a bit, but ultimately was still agreeing with Allison to a degree that Neil may be expecting more than what Andrew could give him blah, blah, blah.

Neil wasn’t happy. Instead he found himself latching onto this song even further and becoming even more assured that it was a song for Andrew. Just because the others refused to understand who Andrew really is and the ways he’s learning to grow and heal and the fact that he’s someone worth loving god dammit, doesn’t mean Andrew is the monster they make him out to be.

For a while afterwards, he’ll put this song on if he’s ever given the aux cord. Because he’s petty. If Andrew catches on to what he’s trying to do, he never says anything.

19. Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men

This is definitely a song that makes Neil think of Andrew, though he'd never tell him that. They have both played both parts in this song, and it makes Neil's heart ache to think of all the bad nights that they weren't there for one another - whether it was distance or stubbornness or just general shitty circumstance. They both can get so trapped in their own heads in different (and sometimes similar) ways, and they're relationship has really been built in a lot of ways on the depth of emotional support they've learned to give one another in rough times. That steadiness, that presence that stays by you and keeps you grounded even when you want to crawl out of your own skin and hide somewhere far away. That is what they give one another.

24. Day After Day - Badfinger

This is another one he used to listen to with his mother, but he didn't really latch onto it until his final year at Palmetto when he and Andrew were doing long-distance. He learned in that year just how sentimental he had become in some ways. He finds it in the bone-deep longing he gets on late nights when he just wishes he could lie in bed next to Andrew - because he knew that's when he sleeps best. He'd listen to this song and let himself wallow for a little while, and then eventually put it away and carry on because he didn't have the time to slow down and feel things too hard.

Things are much better now and he doesn't feel as bad when he listens to the song. It's just a pleasant sound he leans into sometimes.

26. Don't Dream It's Over - Crowded House

This is another one that he first heard from his mother, but kept for himself without allowing it to be stained with her memory. It is one of those ones he listened to a great deal during his last year when things with Andrew got hard. He committed himself to not letting him go or breaking off what they had unless Andrew ever directly asked him to. He couldn't find it in himself to ever do that.

This song reminds him of that commitment and helps him stay strong with it, for better or worse. Everyone was convinced from the beginning that either Neil was bad for Andrew (Aaron) or Andrew was bad for Neil (everyone else except Renee and Nicky basically). This reminds him that he knows Andrew better. He knows HIMSELF better. He knows they aren't perfect, but he refuses to let himself fall into their blocked mentality where they choose to be blind to the reality of Andrew's character (or his own for that matter). He knows they are good together. He knows they help one another, they don't hold each other back. And he refuses to give up on them unless Andrew asks him to.

28. How Deep Is Your Love - The Bird and The Bee

This is another final-year-at-Palmetto one. He stumbles across this song while listening to one of Robin's playlists while he was driving her to practice. Listen to the lyrics and hear just how Andreil this song is. It fits so well, and Neil has to pull over and collect himself for a moment when he first hears it. It had been an especially rough week and he'd been struggling trying to balance giving Andrew space and support with communicating his own needs. This gives him the push he needs. He calls him later that night to talk and their time apart starts getting a bit more bearable for it.

29. TALK ME DOWN - Troye Sivan

This was Andrew's song that made him think of Neil. In every way. He found it while they were doing long distance. Neil first heard it on a midnight drive they took while he was visiting Andrew. They didn't say anything, but they didn't need to. Neil eventually asked him why he listens to this one when his taste is usually much louder stuff. He was expecting a stoically-delivered joke denying any potential relation to Neil or a comment about how Nicky got it stuck in his head or something while they were video chatting one weekend. Instead, Andrew just responded "You know why."

Neil stored the song away to listen to later on when they were once again sleeping in separate beds in separate states, knowing Andrew was probably listening to it as well.

38. Talking Bird - Death Cab for Cutie

Neil doesn't know why this song makes him emotional (yes he does). He doesn't know what it is about it that feels like it cuts so deep (it's because Andrew sent it to him). He doesn't get why Andrew showed it to him (it's because Andrew asked him to stay, but would never force him to if he ever did decide to run). He just listens and feels comforted.

44. I'm so Tired - Lauv & Troye Sivan

This is another one Neil found when he and Andrew were doing long distance. It was a bit of a rocky time for them and there were several of those make-or-break moments. You know, the kind any relationship has where you either pull through it together and are stronger for it, or end things where they are and go your separate ways. I imagine - during a particularly rough patch - Neil heard this song from one of his underclassmen roommates. He was thinking about Andrew (when is he not) and part of him wondered if Andrew was better off finding guys in bars to take home and have no connection to. It was a spiteful moment of self-pity that he let himself indulge in before coming to his senses and giving Andrew a call to smooth things over a bit.

He still listens back to the song sometimes. It has a nice, soft, smooth feeling to it. Now when he listens to it, he finds himself focusing more on the singer asking their lover to take them home so they can move forward because they're too tired to fight. He remembers how, when he and Andrew have reached that point, they've continuously chosen to fall back to one another instead of pulling away. It's a very comforting thought for him.

45. NFWMB - Hozier

I don't even know if I have to explain this one.

There are a lot of things that Andrew and Neil see in one another, but I think one major thing is how strong they both are in their own ways. Neither of them are someone you want to fuck with. This song is perfect for that.

And, once again I will say, Neil is a Hozier fan and I'll die on this hill.

50. It Will Come Back - Hozier

Another Hozier song look at that

Anyway this is song encapsulates exactly how Andrew feels about Neil repeatedly choosing Andrew (at least, how he feels about it in the beginning of their relationship). And Neil isn't blind to this at all. What he also isn't blind to (but that he knows Andrew forgets sometimes) is how Neil is also the stray Andrew showed too much kindness. Andrew is as stuck with Neil as Neil is making himself stuck with Andrew.

51. Love Lies - Khalid & Normani

If asked why he likes this song, he'd say it's because Matt showed it to him and it reminds him of Matt and Dan's inspiring relationship. There are very few people he'd admit the truth to.

Something about the song feels too typical and approachable to admit applying to him and Andrew. They don't have a "normal" relationship and there are a lot of norms they don't stick to. Neither of them are ashamed of that in any capacity (as they absolutely shouldn't be), and ultimately it just feels very strange to them both to consider what's between them as being on the same level of what other's have. Not necessarily in a better-worse context, more just an acknowledgment of stark differences.

But I think Neil also experiences a certain level of comfort when he catches himself relating to other "normal" people. So when he finds himself thinking of Andrew when he hears this song, he's not going to ignore that or let it go. He may, however, keep it to himself for a while. It just feels nice to do that.

72. 99 Luftballons - Nena

As a general rule, Neil doesn't like loud music. This one is an exception (though "loud" may be a bit of a stretch here) because he once got to hear Andrew singing along to it in the car late at night.

Andrew does that sometimes, sings along to songs when it's just him and Neil. It's never with a great deal of gusto or volume, more so just a soft mumble on a late night drive to ground them both. This song came on on a particularly rough night, but by the end of it Andrew was singing along louder than he ever did. Still not saying much, but it was a noticeable change to Neil.

Neil knows he was allowed to see something special that night - Andrew allowing himself to let out something he was feeling. Neil got to see Andrew in what amounts to a moment of vulnerability for him. It means the world to him.

74. Gooey - Glass Animals

This song makes Neil feel the way Andrew makes him feel. There's no other way to describe it. When it's just the two of them and they have moments of quiet intimacy, there's a specific feeling Neil starts getting - float-y but secure. Like he'd drift away if it weren't for an invisible string Andrew was holding.

If Andrew caught Neil humming this song one night as he fell asleep, unaware, he kept quiet about it.

75. Turn - The Wombats

This song Neil keeps because it's one Andrew specifically sent him. He didn't give an explanation, just "for your playlist, rabbit".

[victimhood]

Ah ah ah I’m getting in too deep into my modern day/football AU Nicky headcanons so I’m just gonna jot down some notes:

Q: Why is his surname Di Genova? It’s a little odd but then again I did have a classmate with last name Brescia.

A: Nicky’s paternal grandfather is actually from Buenos Aires, which means Nicky could have played for Argentina too (but why)

Argentina has a huge Italian migrant population, so Grandpa!Di Genova’s ancestors would have come from Italy, and Genoa especially, which is why they called themselves “Di Genova” in a new land.

Grandpa Genova played for Boca Juniors for a brief period of time. One of the Boca Juniors nicknames is “Xeneizes” = Genoese.

Grandpa Genova moved back to Italy in the 1950s postwar boom, and decided to settle where his last name came from

Grandma Genova is Sardinian. She met Grandpa in Genova and they got married and settled down etc

On the maternal side, Giuliana is from an inland/mountain village near the Piedmont border.

Giuliana frequently mentions she was the prettiest girl in her village

She loves harping on about la bella figura to her ungroomed son

Nicky has a huge aversion to hearing her talk about this because he doesn’t see what’s the big deal with pretty girls. He finds all that makeup and heels and whatever quite grotesque

This brings me to Nicky’s first girlfriend: Laura

Nicky and Laura met in middle school, and Laura is super intelligent and was assigned to help Nicky with his schoolwork

Laura bonded with Nicky because he was a quiet oddball loner like her

As these kids went through puberty, Nicky wasn’t like the boys in the class who were crude, sex obsessed and gross

Laura is aroace (she will discover the labels later) and just...hated the overt hormonal atmosphere in school. She just didn’t get it.

Nicky seemed like a safe guy to hang out with

In truth Nicky was struggling with the realization that he is gay gay gay GAY GAY

But Nicky finds the crude gross icky boys that Laura disdains hot, so he can’t tell her ever and furiously suppresses all his feelings

Feeling the pressure to confirm to heteronormativity, Nicky asks Laura out on dates and she agrees

Their dates are very cute (and platonic) they play video games together, eat crappy fast food together, get gelato together etc

Laura LOVES that Nicky’s never tried to make a move on her

Nicky in turn just comes to believe that dating is all about having nice food and doing fun things like claw machines at the arcade. Also no one else in school picks on them since they have each other

Giuliana of course is delighted her little boy has a girlfriend, she constantly calls them the young lovebirds (which Nicky finds extremely icky)

Laura is extremely online and she constantly rails about various feminist issues to Nicky and when she rails about the male gaze to Nicky, he is like “yeah I agree it’s gross I’m not attracted to that at all” (a/n: 🤔)

I think maybe Nicky and Laura thought they should try kissing one day and both were so grossed out they agreed to never try anything like that ever again

At 18, overwhelmed by the weird early marriage pressure in football (it’s a thing), Nicky decided to propose to Laura because he’s only had the one girlfriend ever and they’re good friends and they could spend the rest of their lives together plus his football salary can support her academic ambitions etc

Laura (who firmly identifies as ace at this point and is kinda just stringing Nicky along since he’s a sweet guy who has never tried anything sexual with her) promptly FREAKS OUT at the idea of marriage and breaks up with him

It’s mostly a comedy of misunderstanding, Laura never wanted to be “anybody’s wife” and marriage is such a weird icky concept and like their parents would put so much pressure to have kids and like...what?? WHAT? She’s 18 and off to university and this guy??? comes up with the worst idea ever???

Anyway Nicky suffers from the sting of rejection for several months after and realized he screwed up badly in his desperation to conform to heteronormativity and maybe 6 months later he contacts Laura and they kind of repair the friendship a little

At that point Laura definitively dropped the info that she is aroace on him and yup they can be friends but if he ever tries anything weird and stupid like that marriage proposal ever again...

But with time it becomes their cute inside joke, the sham marriage (if we’re both not married by 30, we can come into a domestic arrangement for financial and social benefits etc)

Anyway Nicky never really comes out to Laura, who also never bothered asking if he’s actually interested in anyone romantically or sexually

But.....she does correctly come to the conclusion that Nicky is gay and deeply closeted, and also correctly identified Yusuf as being “the one”

She may or may not have written Yucky fanfic

Her writing style is absolutely breathtaking, Margaret Atwood level etc

By the point of the main fic, Laura has moved upwards in the field of academia and doesn’t live in Italy anymore

Her Yucky fanfics may or may not be the ones that Nicky absolutely wants to wipe off the face of the internet

[artificialqueens]

Stupid For You, Chapter 2 (Crygi, Jankie, Jaida x Nicky) - Metaluna

Summary: It’s everyone’s final day of training, and then the big opening. Everything is going to go smoothly, or so Gigi hopes….

The rest of training was a blur. Brita and Jaida forgot on the first day, but on the second day, they gave their trainees tags that stuck on the bottom of the nametag that said TRAINEE in big block letters, and explained the tradition of dramatically ripping them off upon completing training. Gigi and Jan learned how to stock the shops. Jan decided pretty quickly that it wasn’t for her, mainly because she found out she’d be talking to guests a lot less. Gigi loved that aspect, since she was afraid talking to the guests. She also loved that the stockers got to bounce from store to store throughout the day. There was a lot of freedom, which is something Gigi liked. They were also shown by Brita how to pull products from the case at the candy shop and how to slice the caramel apples. Gigi wasn’t a fan of this, because her apple slices were always uneven, and it was embarrassingly hard for her to pull the sticks out. Of course, Jan excelled at this, just as she did with everything else.

Their last day of training was the day before opening. Every year, the day before opening was a preview for season passholders.  This was the day that Jaida and Brita had to assess their trainees and either pass or fail them, depending on how they performed. The day before, they had their stocking assessment. Both Jan and Gigi easily passed. The sales assessment was straightforward. They just had to act like they were already trained, greeting guests, doing transactions, answering questions, all normal things.  Except, Jaida and Brita were standing in the background with a clipboard watching them like hawks.

At first, Gigi hid behind the register. She knew that was exactly what she wasn’t supposed to do, but she couldn’t help it. Jan, on the other hand, was actively talking to guests and just being Jan. As soon as she was about to go to the floor, a guest walked up. It was a girl that couldn’t have been more than nine. Brita stood behind Gigi.

“Hi,” Gigi said warmly with a smile. “How are you?”

“Good. How about you?”

“I’m great, thank you so much for asking! What’s your favorite thing you did today?”

The girl smiled. “I did The Genie for the first time today!”

“Oh my goodness, did you get scared?” Gigi’s tone was overenthusiastic, but that was the Paradise Isle way.

“Only a little bit!”

“You know what that means right?”

“No, what?”

“You have to go on The Jinn!”

“I’m going to with my big sister later!”

“Well you’re going to have to come back and tell me how it was! That will be 20 dollars before the discount, can I please see your season pass? Since you definitely aren’t old enough to drive, I just need to see the pass.” The girl held up her pass. “Amazing. After your discount, it’s going to be 16 dollars.”

The girl handed over a twenty, which Gigi appreciated because it was easy math.

She handed the girl her change and said, “Have fun!”

Gigi was shocked at how well she interacted with the little girl. She looked back at Brita who gave her a thumbs up. This gave her the confidence to wander the floor. A guest asked for directions. Thankfully, it was to the bathroom right outside of the store.

After about a half an hour more, Jaida gathered her trainees in the stockroom.

“Ladies,” Jaida began, her tone serious. “I have to say that I’m disappointed.”

Gigi and Jan’s excited facial expressions dropped. Tears began to brim on Jan’s eyes.

“I’m just kidding! Y’all did great. You pass.”

“You rotted bitch,” Brita teased.

“Oh, you know it’s tradition to make the trainees squirm. I expect you to do the same when you get trainees of your own. Jan, Gigi, rip those things off your badges. You’re officially sales hostesses at Paradise Isle.

Gigi smiled as she tore the TRAINEE tag off of her badge.

“Time for lunch!” Brita exclaimed.

….

Jackie hated doing assessments. Because she was a trainer at The Genie, she ended up failing about half of her trainees. Since it was such a safety critical ride, the assessment had to be nearly perfect. While failing trainees didn’t mean they were fired, it meant that they had to do an extra day of training. This made Jackie feel like she was a bad trainer. Thankfully, Nicky caught on fast. Jackie stood behind Nicky as Nicky stood at the console in the tower.

“And how do you ride stop?”

Nicky pointed to a red large button on the console.

“The emergency stop?”

Nicky pointed to a raised red button with a yellow square around it.

“Why would you rather ride stop than emergency stop?”

“Because emergency stopping cuts the power, and we have to call maintenance.”

“Perfect. How old do kids have to be to ride by themselves?”

“They have to be eight years old, and if they’re under they have to be accompanied by someone who is at least fourteen.”

“Look at you! Alright, so we’re getting our first guests for the day. I always offer, do you want to do the easy stuff first or the hard stuff?”

“Let’s get the hard stuff out of the way.”

Jackie was impressed with her trainee’s confidence. Nicky was an absolute rockstar. She remembered everything Jackie taught her. Nicky did the load one, load two, and tower positions flawlessly. The only position she struggled was greeter, the position that most people excelled at. The guests struggled to understand what Nicky’s accent at times, but considering that it wasn’t her fault, and half the time that position wasn’t used anyway, Jackie passed her on greeter.

“Well?” Nicky questioned. “Did I pass?”

“Nicky…” Jackie said with a serious tone. “I’m sorry to tell you… that you were one of the best trainees that I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with.”

“Seriously?” Nicky was stunned. She thought she was going to fail like half percent of the other people, considering Jackie, who was a great rides hostess, needed an extra day when she started. She explained to Nicky that she accidentally took her eyes off of the train at load one when she sent it.

“Yes, now rip that tag off your badge so we can go to lunch.”

—

Crystal was nervous as she waited for a guest to come up and play her game. The past few days, Crystal learned about all six of the games on The Boardwalk. Even though it took her longer than Widow to catch on, Crystal eventually caught on and became much more confident. Although, when it was time for her assessment, Crystal was a nervous wreck, and begged her partner to go first. They had done mock assessments at five of the games the day before. Because she was so nervous, Crystal cried twice. But, because she technically did everything correctly, and there weren’t actual guests, Heidi didn’t fail her.

Now that it was time for the actual assessment. Crystal and Widow had to run a game by themselves. Crystal begged Widow go first again. Heidi put Widow at the ring toss game. Two preteens came up and handed Widow the money. Widow explained the rules as she set the bucket of rings down.

“You have to completely get the ring around a bottle. It can’t be on their halfway. I’m watching, so don’t cheat.” Her tone was kind, yet stern.

Crystal watched the girls go through every single last ring with no luck.

“Better luck next time, ladies,” Widow said sympathetically.

The three went into the basketball booth. Heidi chose it for Crystal because it was the game she was least likely to get yelled at. Heidi knew that if Crystal cried during her live assessment, she would have to fail her. Heidi never had to fail a trainee, and she wasn’t about to do it now.  

“Hello!” Crystal greeted a boy who was about her age and what looked to be his girlfriend. “Would you like to play?”

The boy nodded and handed over his five dollars. Crystal put the bill in the bank that vacuumed the bill into the bank while her hands shook from nerves. In exchange, Crystal handed over three small basketballs. She watched as the boy failed to make any of the baskets. The girl next to him looked disappointed, yawning while she was on her phone.

He handed over another five. Again, no baskets.

“I’m going to the bathroom,” the girl announced.

Once she was out of earshot, the boy said, “How much to just buy a prize?”

“Sorry, but you can’t do that,” Crystal explained. “None of them are for sale.”

The boy pulled out a twenty. “How about now?”

“No, I can’t. I’m sorry.”

The boy huffed and walked away. “Fucking bitch.”

Heidi looked at Crystal in suspense, hoping to God that she wouldn’t cry. Crystal took a deep breath to compose herself, but managed to hold it together.

“Oh my God, Crystal you didn’t cry!” Widow hugged Crystal.

“I didn’t cry!”

Heidi looked at her trainees sternly. “Unfortunately though, girls, I just gotta say that you could both improve vastly on… absolutely nothing, you both pass. Let’s go to lunch.”

Crystal confidently ripped the TRAINEE tag off of her name badge.

–

When Gigi, Jan, Jaida, and Brita made it into the break room, Heidi’s training group, as well as Jackie’s were sat at the large table in the middle.

“Normally you aren’t on break at the same time as all of your friends. But, all the trainers may have ‘accidentally’ scheduled break for the same time. Oops,” Brita explained as she sat next to Jackie.

“Hey, gorgeous!” Crystal exclaimed as Gigi sat across from her. “How did it go?”              

“I passed! I talked to a guest and didn’t freeze! You?”

“I got called a bitch by a guest and didn’t cry! I passed, too!”

“Oh my god!” Jan exclaimed. “That’s terrible! Proud of you for handling it so well!”

“Thanks!”

“Jan passed too, of course,” Gigi said. “Did you pass, Nicky?”

Gigi didn’t really know anyone outside of her training group, outside of Crystal, so she was doing her best to make friends. Even though Gigi was a cheerleader and class president in school, she never had a close group of friends, which is something she longed for.

Jackie answered for her. “Nicky was one of the best trainees that I’ve ever had. Not only did she do every position perfectly, but she answered every question that I had.”

“Wow,” Jan said looking at Jackie. “You must be a pretty good trainer.”

Jackie’s face flushed. “Oh, you know. I do my best.”

“Ladies, there’s a tradition that has been upheld since before I started working at this hellhole. After every opening day, there is a huge party in which we all get completely shitfaced to bless the new season. This year, it’s going to be at my place. We close at nine, party starts at 10:30. I know it’s late, but thankfully, the schedulers have mercy on our souls, and if you work the first day of the season, you don’t work the next day,” Heidi explained.

Jan’s face lit up. “I love parties!”

“Me, too!” Jackie spoke a little bit too quickly.

Heidi created a groupchat and sent her address to everyone. Because Heidi was attending the local community college, her apartment was close to the park. Plus, Heidi didn’t have roommates, so they were free to do as they pleased.

“Hey, Gigi could you—”

“I’ll pick you up at 10, Crys.”

The rest of the day, Jaida and Brita’s training group hid in an office talking. There was really no one around to catch them. They had finish the assessments early, so there was nothing else for them to do but sit and talk.

“We have some cute new girls this year. That Nicky, she’s gorgeous. Plus that accent…” Jaida trailed off.

“Are you going to go for her? Do we know if she likes girls?” Brita questioned.

“No, but we will find out tomorrow, won’t we?”

“Are you guys straight?” Gigi was surprised at how blunt Brita was.

“Honestly, I never really thought of it! I’ve dated some boys, and kissed a girl this one time. I think girls are beautiful, like Jackie? She’s gorgeous. So I guess I’m not? I’m not sure. I don’t know what to call myself, ya know? Like I could be bi, I could be pansexual. What’s the difference anyway? Anyway. That’s what’s college is for, right?” Jan laughed at her own joke. “What about you Brita?”

“I–” Brita began.

“She’s straight,” Jaida interrupted. “We all have our flaws. Just like Jackie. Sorry Jan, but that girl is the straightest girl I’ve ever met. Gigi?”

Gigi was hoping that she wouldn’t be asked this question. She’d never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend either. But, one time back in eighth grade, Gigi kissed her best friend at the time, who was a girl. She hadn’t ever felt anything for a boy before, despite being asked out multiple times by football players.  

“Oh, uh. I don’t date.”

“By choice? Or no one’s wanted to hit that?”

Brita clapped. “Jan! The shade!”

Gigi forced a laugh. “I don’t know. The right one hasn’t come along, I guess. Anyway, about this party…”

—

When the day was over, Jan and Gigi made their way to their cars. Jaida, Brita and the other trainers had their own tradition of getting dinner together. If anyone had trainees that failed, they would have to buy everyone’s dinner. But, since everyone passed, it was just dinner.

Once in Gigi’s car Crystal admitted, “I’m kind of nervous for this party!”

“Nervous? Why?”  

“Well, I don’t drink.”

“You don’t have to drink,” Gigi reassured. “Lots of people don’t. I’m not one of them, but I know plenty who don’t.”

“It’s not just that it’s just…”

“What?”

“I’ve never really had a lot of friends, just a few super close ones, and we were never cool to get invited to any parties so…”

“Crystal, I’ve been to a bunch of parties, and they’re fun. If you don’t end up having fun, we can dip. I think it’ll be a great time. You can get ready at my house, if you want.”

Her face lit up. “I’d love that!”

“So how are you feeling about opening day tomorrow?”

“Nervous. Excited. Kind of like I wanna throw up when I think about it? You?”

“Same. My assessment was okay. Nothing bad happened, but still…” Gigi trailed off.

“I feel like things went a little too well today, you know?”

Crystal, someone literally called you a bitch.”

“Well yeah, but it could always be worse right?”

Crystal’s positivity was contagious. “Yeah I guess so!”

–

Just like the night before her first day, Gigi didn’t sleep well. She kept thinking about all the horror stories Jaida and Brita told her. Jaida talked about the time a woman stripped naked in the store to try on a swimsuit. Brita dramatically told the story of when a guest threatened to call the cops because she wouldn’t give her the season pass discount on an expired pass. Gigi really hoped nothing like that would happen, especially not on her first day.

She dragged herself out of bed. Her eyes didn’t look as tired as her first day, so she went with light makeup. As she tightened her belt, she looked into the mirror. She looked ridiculous in her uniform, as did everyone else. Everyone but Crystal. Somehow she looked amazing in the uniform.

Once she pulled into her driveway, she texted Crystal

Hey, I’m outside.

omw!!!!

Crystal got into the car and handed Gigi a cup of coffee.

“Hello, my love! Cream and sugar, just how you like it.“

Gigi took a sip as she turned up the radio. Crystal gasped. “Oh my god, are you listening to One Direction?”

“You may or may not have gotten me hooked.”

Their drove consisted of singing off key and sipping coffee. Gigi kept stealing glances at Crystal. The amount of joy on her face filled Gigi’s heart. After parking, the two girls sat in Gigi’s jeep trying to compose themselves. They both had to walk in different directions, so they weren’t able to calm each other’s nerves.

When they could no longer delay the inevitable, Crystal gave Gigi a hug. “Good luck, beautiful!”

She smelled so good, and her hair was so soft. As she walked the opposite direction to the games base, Gigi couldn’t help but watch her walk away.

Gigi made her way to the stockroom at the main store on The Landing, Isle Mercantile. Jaida, Jan, Brita, and a bunch of people didn’t know were waiting. One of them was an older woman in a plain blue polo and khaki shorts. Jaida explained in training that someone dressed like that was a supervisor.

“Hello!” the woman said. “My name is Nina.”

“Hi!” Gigi said shyly.

“Well everyone, we have first two newbies this year. This is Gigi, and this is Jan. We’ll have more people as the season goes on, but right now, make sure these girls feel welcome. Jan, Gigi, this is Dahlia, Rock, and Aiden. Of course, you already know Brita and Jaida. Jaida, you’re going to be the lead today, okay?”

“Lead?” Gigi whispered.

“I’m in charge of choosing your assignments, making sure you go on breaks, and more importantly, making sure y’all make it back from your breaks.”

“I think that today’s going to be a great day that’s going to lead into a great season. Jan, Gigi, I’m so happy to have you with us. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to give me a call!”

Jaida sent Gigi to Candy Kitchen, which is exactly what she was dreading, but she wasn’t about to tell Jaida that. Her hair was going to get ruined by the hairnet that she had to wear, and she sucked at cutting apples. She only hoped that the girl, Rock, would be nice.

Once they made it to the store, Rock asked, “What kind of a name is Gigi?”

“What kind of a name is Rock?” Gigi retorted.

He looked taken aback before saying, “Fair.”

The morning went smoothly. Gigi rang up some transactions. She started out slow, but her speed increased as the day went on. She weighed the bulk candy as people purchased it. At times, she forgot where menu buttons were on the POS, but Rock was always there to help. Rock offered for Gigi to work at the caseline to grab apples, but that made Gigi nervous. Rock agreed to pull apples, but made Gigi promise she would do it after lunch. Gigi made good on her promise, putting on gloves and the apron that was hung up.

A stressed out looking came up to Gigi. “Hi, can I get a chocolate peanut apple, an apple pie apple, and one candied apple?”

“Of course! Do you want me to cut the caramel ones?”

“Are you dumb? Of course I do.”

Gigi was taken aback. “Yes, ma’am.”

Gigi set the apples on the counter, and struggled to remove the sticks. She grabbed the blade, and just like in training, struggled to make slices. Cutting through layers of caramel and chocolate was hard. After a while, she managed to make slices. They didn’t look as nice as Rock’s, but they were mostly intact. She put the two cut apples into containers.

“Umm…” the woman trailed off.

“Yes?”

“You didn’t cut the candied one.”

“Oh, we can’t cut those. The candy will just shatter right off.”

“So I’m supposed to break my teeth on this thing? I don’t care if some falls off, I just want it cut into slices.”

“The apple won’t be as good…”

“Well can you do it anyway?”

Gigi looked at Rock, who shrugged.

Gigi unwrapped the candied apple. This time, she really struggled to remove the stick. She was pulling with all of her strength. She felt the candy coating crack. Shit. Well, it’s what the woman wanted. After finally wrangling the stick out, she cut slices. Almost all of the candy fell off. Gigi put the candy on the bottom of the container and the ugly apple slices on top.

“Here you go, ma’am!”

“Are you serious? It looks like shit!”

"I did tell you that if I cut the apple into slices all the coating would fall off, but you told me that it was fine.”

“Well, maybe, if you didn’t have those skinny chicken arms you could have actually done your job! Also! What’s with your attitude? I know that you don’t give a shit about your job, and you’re probably just some lazy teenager who would rather be making out with her boyfriend all summer, but you’re running my vacation! I spent a lot of money to bring my family here! And I can’t even get a damn apple cut right? What’s your name? Georgiana? I want to speak to your manager.” The woman was nearly screaming. Thankfully, there was no one behind her in line.

“I–”

“Yes ma’am, right away, ma’am.” Rock picked up the phone. “Hi, yes, Nina it’s Rock. I’m in Candy Kitchen and I have a guest requesting a manager. Okay. Thank you.”

“Our supervisor will be here shortly.”

The woman got out of the queue and shot Gigi dagger eyes the entire time. She felt like she was about to have a panic attack. Was she going to get written up? It was her first day and she already had her first guest complaint. After what felt like an eternity, Nina arrived.

“Hello!” her tone was pleasant. “What can I do for you today?”

“This girl ruined my apple.”

“That’s not good. Can you explain to me what happened?”

“She went to cut my candied apple and everything fell off. It’s just an apple and some candy on the bottom now.”

“Ma’am, did Gigi tell you that those apples weren’t meant to be cut?”

The woman mumbled she had.

“And you insisted that she do it anyway?”

“She just must have not done it right! Just look at her, she looks so weak! I’m sure if the oriental one did it, she’d do it fine!”

“Ma’am, please don’t refer to my hostess with that offensive term, and don’t insult my other hostess. Those apples aren’t meant to be cut. You were told that, and still insisted on Gigi cutting it, anyway. It sounds like you were the one in the wrong. Not Gigi. I won’t make you pay for that apple, but I am making you apologize to my hostesses here.”

“I’m sorry,” the woman mumbled. She silently paid for her other two apples with Rock and stormed out, muttering something about leaving a bad review as she left.

“Are you okay?” Nina asked sincerely.

Gigi could only manage to shake her head. Her chest was tight and tears were running down her face. Thankfully, it wasn’t a bad panic attack, but it was a panic attack nonetheless.

“I’ll go with you in the small stockroom. Go back there, have a seat. I just need to call and have Dahlia cover. She’s stocking and should be around soon, anyway. Can you handle the shop by yourself Rock?”

“On it.”

The small stockroom was right behind Candy Kitchen. The entire room smelled like sugar, which made Gigi’s stomach turn. She tried to level her breathing as she sat on the ground.

Nina sat with her and handed her a water bottle. “Hey, listen to me. It’s okay. You weren’t wrong at all. That woman was completely unreasonable.”

“Am I in trouble?” Gigi managed taking a drink of water.

“Why would you be in trouble, when nothing you did was your fault? You are fine. Take as much time as you need.”

Gigi nodded. “Thank you.”

“I mean it. If you ever need anything, call.”

—

Across the park, Crystal was also having a panic attack as she sat in the money room in the games department. A middle aged man kept losing at one of the games. He offered to pay her for a prize, and when she refused, the man lost it. He screamed every bad word and insult that he could muster, right in front of his young daughter. He also threatened to “punch her pretty little face in.”  It was to the point that other guests told him to stop, and security was called. The lead, a boy named Ben, covered for her.

Brooke, a pretty blonde supervisor made her way into the money room. She didn’t say anything, but hugged Crystal, which made her break down. Brooke kindly rubbed Crystal’s red hair.

“That man has been banned from ever coming back.”

“Are there a lot of people like him?”

“Not that bad, sweetie. That was one of the worst ones I’ve seen in my six years here. I’m so sorry that it happened to you, especially on your first day. I promise that it’s usually better. You get to make people’s days. You get to make first dates memorable. You get to make little kids happy. Don’t let a couple of bad people ruin this for you.”

Crystal smiled. “Thank you.”

Brooke sat with Crystal until she calmed down.

“Here, let me fix you.” Brooke wiped all of the eyeliner and mascara that had ran down Crystal’s face with a Kleenex.

Thankfully, there was only about half an hour left of her shift, so Brooke let her hang out in the back.

Brooke’s radio went off. Before taking the call, she asked, “Are you going to be okay, sweetie?”

“Yeah, I will. Thank you.”

Brooke winked. “Anytime.”

–

Gigi met up with Crystal at the lockers and groaned.

“Bad day?” Crystal asked grabbing her bag.

Gigi nodded. On the way to her car, Gigi told Crystal the tale of the candied apple. Crystal looked mortified.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you!”

“I hope your day was better,” Gigi said adjusting her rearview mirror.

“Not… exactly. A grown man threatened to punch me in the face while calling me bad words, some of them I’ve never even heard before.”

“Oh shit Crys,” Gigi said looking at her friend. “I’m so sorry. That makes my story sound like nothing!”

“Gigi, no it’s okay! We both had crappy days, it doesn’t matter which was worse. They were both bad to us, and they’re both over now.”

This made Gigi smile. “Crystal, how are you always so positive?”

“Honestly? I used to not be. But one day I realized that being negative was tiring, so I decided to try to be as positive as possible. Oh, and Gigi?”

“Yes?”

“You know how I said I don’t drink?”

“Yeah.”

“I think after the day I had, I think tonight’s a great night to start.”

“Agreed.”

TAGS: Gigi goode, Crystal methyd, jan sport, jackie cox, jaida essence hall, nicky doll, brita filter, crygi, jankie, jaida x nicky, lesbian au, stupid for you, metaluna

[hsavinien]

Nile Freeman week, day one: Love

Rating: M, warnings for (quickly ended)  harassment

Contains food, sex, and Nile/OFC

Proper post to come at a more civilized hour.

Nile + Love (September 6) Nile falls hard, lands on her side and rolls when she hits, but there's broken glass on the concrete and she leaves a smear of blood. She's back on her feet again, glad she wore her less-cute jacket tonight, because it's ripped and she's not great at mending, but Joe will cheerfully insist that it's a wonderful time to learn. The asshole who hit her (while she was removing his buddy's hand from the short, round, butch girl he'd cornered) gears up for another swing. But she's seen him now and would probably have been able to take him down before MCMAP. After several years of getting her ass thoroughly and systematically handed to her by Andy, Nile puts him on the ground in under a minute. She turns to see the butch girl alternating ducking and kicking at the guy who'd started it. She's not doing much damage, but she's distracting the guy plenty. Nile gets him in an armlock that will only damage him permanently if he struggles too hard and escorts him out the door. He stumbles away, white with pain, abandoning the unconscious friend Nile drags out after. "You all right? I'm Nile," she says. The butch girl, more impressed than scared, apparently, offers her hand. "Ah, I'm fine," she says. She definitely is and probably did not mean it like that. Her hair's in an afro undercut that's dyed almost navy blue underneath, her mouth is a generous curve of a smile, and her jeans are fitting her really well. "Jackie. Where the hell'd you learn to fight like that? My ma's been after me to take up martial arts since I moved to the city, but this is the first I've taken the idea seriously." Her handshake is warm and dry, calloused in entirely different ways than anybody else whose hands Nile has touched recently. "Kung fu is really great, if you can find a dojo around," Nile says, which sounds like an answer, but isn't. "Are you sure you're okay? The flat my friends and I are renting is just around the corner." She pauses for a second and adds, "Sorry, that sounded weird. If you wanted to sit down and have a glass of water or something, I mean." Jackie looks her over and tips her head, smile widening. "Wouldn't mind, if your friends don't." Nile feels the blush rising in her face. "Of course they won't." She leads the way. It really is just around the corner and she calls, "Nicky, Joe, company!" as they enter. It takes a few minutes to take off their shoes and hang their coats, and by the time they make it to the kitchen, Nicky and Joe are waiting eagerly with an extra plate set out. 

"Oh, I didn't realize you were in the middle of supper," Jackie demurs. 

"No, no, a new friend of Nile's is always welcome," Nicky says, and gently works them through the required rounds of polite refusal, including how grateful she already is that Nile helped her with the creeps and how nice it is to have visitors and how she can't impose and how they accidentally made far too much, surely she can do them a favor by helping them eat it, it would be a shame if it went off before they could finish all of it. Eventually Jackie sits at the table with a plate of mullah and a couple pieces of kisra to dip in it, looking slightly shell-shocked. 

She tastes it tentatively, then starts eating as enthusiastically as everyone else. "This is brilliant." 

Nile groans in sympathy. "Right? These guys are amazing cooks." 

Nicky pats her shoulder in passing, heading for the fridge for more water. "It is only practice, Nile. And the joy of cooking for people we love." 

She grins at Joe, who looks smug. 

The food is good, even though she's still not used to the spices, and they chat lightly. Jackie's working at a grocery and doing a postgrad in mathematics. Nile and the rest of the household are doing some holidaying after finishing a big project for the company they all work for. "Ugh, security consulting, it's incredibly boring," Nile says. 

"Oh," Joe says, as if he's just remembered. "Andy is out for the night; she wanted to go backpacking and get away from people for a little. We're going to a club a few streets over and I have Nicky's promise we will spend at least three hours. I want to do some dancing." He shimmies a little in his seat to make her laugh. 

"And there will maybe be karaoke and he will need at least an hour to try to convince me to sing," Nicky added, sitting back down. 

"Oh, yeah, that's no problem," Nile says, feeling a blush heating her cheeks again. "I'm sure I'll be fine here." 

Jackie's eyes have gone heavy lidded. "I can hang around if you'd like some company," she suggests. 

"Sounds great," Nile says, and Joe is definitely flashing a thumbs up in her peripheral vision. 

They head out as soon as the supper dishes are put away, and she's pretty sure she hears the word 'wager' in Italian as they go, but Jackie is leaning against the doorframe looking like a snack and she doesn't really care what kind of bets they're making about her right this moment. 

"Hey," Jackie says. "It's been a weird night, but you're cute and a bit badass and I'm down for a fling. What do you say?" 

Nile hasn't been smooth, ever, in her life, but that's a softball question if there ever was one. "Absolutely," she agrees, and steps forward, fingers slipping carefully around the curve of Jackie's hip. 

Jackie stretches up to kiss her and it has been way too long. Nile moans into her, pressing her against the doorframe. Jackie pulls back after a minute, her hands wrapped around Nile's biceps and mouth wet. 

"Girl, you lift weights? Oh my God." Jackie looks her up and down, more slowly this time. "I'm getting you naked, right? That's on the table? Show me those muscles already." 

Nile bursts out laughing. "Sure, if you want. My room's this way." 

Jackie is soft and lush under her button down and sports bra and very vocally pleased with every new bit of Nile she uncovers. They shove each other around in their eagerness, eventually making it to her bed and naked, where Jackie pushes Nile down on her back, and demonstrates with mouth and hands just exactly how much she likes Nile's body. Nile yells loud enough that Jackie claps a hand over her mouth, muttering around her mirth about scaring the neighbors. 

Nile lays there for a second, blinking stars out of her eyes, then rolls them over to return the favor. Jackie comes with Nile's mouth on her chest, and two fingers deep inside her, clutching Nile's shoulders like she's drowning. 

Jackie drifts off for a bit afterward, leaving Nile free to admire her some more. Her hair is flattened a little, from Nile's thighs around her ears, and Nile isn't sure she has a pick handy, she'll have to check. 

When Jackie blinks awake, she smacks a kiss on Nile's cheek. "Gotta clean up. I'm not going to stay; work in the morning." 

"Oh, sure," Nile agrees, still a little floaty from endorphins. "My toiletry kit might have a comb that will work and there's extra toothbrushes in the medicine cabinet, if you want. First door on the left." 

"You are a gem, as well as a knight in shining armor," Jackie informs her. "It's been lovely meeting you, Nile." 

"Same," Nile tells her sincerely. 

After a brief tidy-up, Jackie kisses her one more time, hot and deep, pats her on the cheek, and says goodbye. "If you visit again, look me up," she says, offering Nile a scrap of paper. 

"Thanks," Nile says and waves her down the street. 

She has a pot of water on the stove and herbal tea steeping when Joe and Nicky amble back in, Nicky humming and Joe swaying in time. 

"How was your evening?" Joe asks, pouring himself a mug and sitting beside her to bump her elbow gently. 

"Good," she says, still feeling a little unmoored. "She was nice." 

Nicky sits across from them and steals Joe's mug for a sip. "Good. I'm glad. You deserve people who treat you sweetly sometimes." 

"I've got you guys, and Andy," she says. 

"And we love you, but there's other kinds of sweetness than family," Nicky says fondly. 

"That's for sure." Nile leans into the warmth of Joe's arm. "You have a good time?" 

"We did." Joe's jaw cracks on a yawn. "Bedtime for old men." 

"He is ancient and creaky and needs his rest," Nicky informs her. 

"You're only three years younger than me," Joe says, shaking his head. "Come on, ridiculous man. Good night, Nile. Sleep well." 

She goes. She feels alive and wrung out and pleasantly warm, but in many ways, mostly she feels loved.

[comfysocksfirst]

Chihayafuru as NBA Players!! Part 1

Oh Man!! Two of my great loves Chihayafuru and basketball. Finally they meet. No one asked for this. This is most likely an incredibly small venn diagram of converging interests.Nonetheless here it is which NBA player is the real world equal of which Chihayafuru character. Note: I tend to skew more current with my NBA picks mostly cause that’s what I’m most familiar with but also because it is much more difficult to know those older players’ personalities. One more note I just now decided to include runner-up choices for some people I think it will mostly be a jokey runner up. Wataya Arata: Oh boy let’s start hot! My second favorite character in the series he is the Karuta God and the True soul-mate to Chihaya. Disagree? Fite me. He is STEPHEN CURRY. Karuta is the family business. He is the legacy one born to devastate. I could see Nicki Minaj dropping Arata’s name in her songs calling out to him all at hours talking about those eyes, that accent, and that water-like play style that has her downing gallons of his essence. He’s also perfectly chill to outer appearances. Everyone thinks he’s having a good time win or lose but they don’t notice how he’s smiling at them while he is steadily inching closer to dropping 50 on them. Shinobu Wakamiya: I’m not letting up with this second name. My all time favorite characther in the series.Sharpest dresser in the hemisphere. The youngest Queen of all. You know this. She is KOBE. And not one to be fucked with. She brings that Mamba Mentality to all she does whether it’s destroying her opponents 25-0 or slinging them pastries she takes no prisoners. She’s eked out every drop of potential she possesses with constant practice and total devotion to Karuta. She’s all about that grind and sees the game in a way only she can some would even say it’s crazy??? Anyone and everyone trying to take cards from her is her enemy and she’ll cut them if given chance when they take some of her favorites. Runner-up: Michael Jordan. The GOAT. I like that the similarity that they both pushed away and oftentimes used the people around them in order to get better. But ultimately didn’t go with MJ cause he walked away from the game at his peak for a year and change and I don’t see Shinobu ever doing that. Chihaya Ayase: The protagonist. Lady Big Eyes. Mrs. Daddy Bear. President/Founder/(Only Member??) of the Chitose Appreciation Society. She’s gotta be GIANNIS. A physical freak who’s sheer athleticism catapults her puts her in the realm of Class A. Everywhere Giannis goes he draws them eyes and the same can said of this beauty who can rattle her male opponents with a smile or even just eye contact. Who else is on Giannis’ team? What? Can’t name anyone else cause you’re not a basketball fan? Well let me tell you even if you were a fan you might struggle cause he’s carrying that team on his back! And so is this young lady. They got some good players on this squad but this Ace knows well that is she don’t win and cruise through to victory it could adversely affect her team’s psyche so she is unstoppable on her own much like Giannis’ fast breaks. Runner-up: Ben Simmons was my first choice for her but ultimately I decided against him cause I think he’s not a great team player and I don’t think he’s serious enough about improving his deficiencies. I thought these runner ups were supposed to be funny??? IDK Kanade Oe: KENDRICK PERKINS. I’m kinda running out of steam here. And I got a long list to go. Kana-chan and Kendrick both top heavy. I never really noticed until they made it a topic of discussion in the mini-comic. But damn yeah definitely carrying a lot of weight on top.  She’s also the team enforcer. Hear me out on this. Sure she’s small but she’s probably the most serious of all the team. Serious about life, about how people should behave, about the beauty of Karuta. And if anyone is disrespecting the poems--You better hold her back!! She will get into the face of anyone lowkey Empress in the making. She’s also a big small voice in the locker room a different type of leader than Ayase and Taichi. She knows what poems people need to hear to click back in into the present. Perk is an old-school kind of player and Kana-chan has an old-school mentality and while both were important members of their title winning teams they weren’t close to being the focus. Midori Tamaru: I actually forgot I wrote a write-up for her! Cool I’m glad I did. She is LUKA DONCIC. She is a shit-talker supreme. She wants all the smoke and she got all the weapons. Big-time potential. Everyone saying to her Wait your turn. But Fuck It she says and is ready to shoot her shot. Drop a cold 3 at the buzzer to win a playoff game in front of a 10 year vet who’s desperate for a win. They’re both missing one critical aspect of their game. For Luka he needs to increase his stamina for Tamaru she needs to get mentally tough. Right now she can most definitely be fucked with and she may be the only one that don’t know it. But any team with her is going to be in the conversation for best in their region and they should be looking to book a hotel by the big red shrine every year. Dr. Harada: Da Big Bear. Brown Bear? Black Bear? Daddy Bear? He all da bear. A walking a build-a-bear-workshop. What’s that mean? I have no clue. This guy. There’s a reason he was Ayase’s first love. He cuddly af but he still got that tenacity and overwhelming physicality that keeps him happily married decades later and a Karuta vet to be feared. I went with a non-contemporary player for the Dr. and no not Dr.J but rather his teammate MOSES MALONE. Nicknamed the Chairman of the Board cause he throws his body into every rebound lunging wildly at each miss cause he KNOWS that every rebound is his by right. Yeah that sound our friend the bear. Moses played a looooong time longer maybe than one might think considering the era he played in and how physical his game was. But that incredible body of his allowed him to stay in the game as long as wanted throwing elbows to clear out any close competition. Alright I’m tired Part 2 to come soon. It’s already written out I just HATE transcribing. There’s another 9 characters to come! Let me know what you all think please. Am I alone in my dual NBA and Chihayafuru fandom??

[ladyvegeets]

Lethal Combination -03-

Bulma’s phone rang in its hands-free device. Vegeta glanced over, SON GOKU illuminated on the screen. He looked back out the window as Bulma put the call on speaker.

“Hey Son, what’s up? You find something already?”

“Unfortunately. A missing person that matches our DOA. Ryan Smith, only 17. I’ll text you the address of next-of-kin. Sorry to put you on condolence duty first day back.”

“Don’t sweat it, just part of the job.”

“Well, speaking of which, it really is great to have you back in the saddle, Bulma.”

She mumbled a hasty thanks and hung up. A glance out of the corner of his eye found her tugging on her sleeve as she drove, scowling out the windshield. 

A moment later her phone buzzed with Goku’s text. 

“Can you get that?” Since there was no one else in the car, Vegeta assumed she was talking to him. He plucked out the phone from its holder and tried to access her messages. On the lock-screen was a very fancy-looking custom-made motorbike, over which hovered a pin-pad. 

“It’s passcode protected.”

“314-159” 

He hoped for her sake that it was a throw-away passcode. What kind of idiot gave out their private information so readily? He pulled up her messages. There were a lot. Little Miss Popular. The second-most-recent message was from MOM saying Okay, see you tonight, sweetie! Good luck! The most recent was from SON GOKU with details on the victim and an address. There was also a photo. A young man, slim, short dark hair and eyes.

His heart beat skyrocketed. His palms broke out in a sweat. Something dark ballooned in his chest, making it hard to breathe, threatening to swamp him with emotions he struggled to suppress.

“Hello? Is there an address?!”

Bulma’s tone indicated that she’d needed to repeat herself. Vegeta got himself in check and read the address aloud.

“Punch it into the GPS, would you.” 

He tilted his head to look at her firmly over the rim of his sunglasses. Bulma glanced his way, a delicate brow arching up. 

“What? Don’t tell me you don’t know how to use a smartphone?”

“It’s not very smart if I have to do it myself,” he snarked back.

“Oh my GOD. What rock have you been living under that you can’t operate a smartphone?”

“The kind where I don’t allow corporations access to all my personal information.”

“Wow. You’re one of those.”

“One of what?”

“Never mind, I think I know where that neighborhood is.” She changed lanes and headed them towards their new destination. Annoyed by the exchange, Vegeta shoved her phone back into its holder, needing to make a few attempts before it snapped into place. Bulma gave him a withering side-eye but wisely made no comment.

~xox~

Several minutes (and a quick check on Maps) later, they pulled up to a modest residential house. 

“Let me take lead,” she suggested as they approached the door. Bulma wasn’t ready to trust Vegeta’s people skills just yet. He took off his shades and said nothing. She hoped that meant he agreed. 

She knocked on the door and barely a minute later a middle-aged woman who looked like she hadn’t slept in a week answered.

“Mrs. Smith?”

“Yes?”

“I’m detective Briefs and this is detective Saiyan—”

“Have you found Ryan?” the woman interrupted with desperation and reached for Bulma. Vegeta shifted instinctively, his hand going to his holster.

Bulma put herself between woman and partner before Vegeta shot the poor lady. “I think it’s best if we come inside.”

It was awful. It always was. There was never a nice way to relay the death of a loved one, especially a child to their parent. Mrs. Smith sobbed inconsolably for several minutes. There were already used tissues all over her coffee table. The poor thing had done little else but cry since her son had gone missing.

Bulma sat opposite the woman on her couch, patiently waiting out the tears and patting her hand when she could. Vegeta stood off in a corner of the living room, arms crossed, leaving the two women be.

When Mrs. Smith had calmed down enough to drink some water, Bulma began. “Mrs. Smith, I’m so terribly sorry to have to do this to you now, but I need to ask you some questions. Are you up for that?”

The woman nodded miserably, dabbing her eyes with a tissue.

“When was the last time you heard from Ryan?”

“U-um… Yesterday morning,” Mrs Smith replied with fresh tears welling. “He went out to meet friends but never came home for dinner. He didn’t answer his phone when I called, and his friends said they hadn’t seen him either. I went to the police station right after that.”

���And you can’t think of any reason why he wouldn’t come home? Any problems or recent arguments?” Bulma inquired.

“No, nothing! He was a good boy.”

“Why aren’t you out looking for him?” Vegeta interjected. Bulma gave him a horrified look; it sounded far too much like an accusation for her liking. He ignored her, waiting pointedly for Mrs. Smith’s reply.

The woman’s eyes were huge as she looked at Vegeta. “The police told me to wait here in case he came back, o-or tried to contact the house,” she told him earnestly, barely choking back tears. “But Nicky has been out searching all night and day.”

“Who’s Nicky?”

“Nicholas, my eldest.” Mrs. Smith pointed to a photo on the fireplace mantle. Vegeta moved over and picked it up. “That’s Ryan on the left and Nicky on the right,” Mrs Smith explained before she started sobbing again.

Vegeta stepped over to show Bulma the picture. It was definitely the boy from the beach. The elder brother — Nicky — had a protective arm thrown around. 

“…They look very close,” she commented kindly.

Mrs. Smith nodded. “Ever since their father left, they’ve been inseparable.”

Bulma and Vegeta’s eyes met, sharing a mutual look. If the brothers were that close, maybe Nicky would be worth questioning.

“Your husband’s gone?” Vegeta asked without even attempting to soften his tone.

The woman nodded. “I haven’t heard from him in over a decade. Do you think he’s involved?”

Vegeta shrugged one shoulder. “Can’t rule it out. We’ll need his name and last known contact information. Where’s your son’s room?”

“Ryan’s? Um, down the hall, second door on the right.”

He left without another word. Bulma glared after him, making a mental note to chastise him about his bedside manner. She tried to smooth over her partner’s insensitivity by getting names, numbers, and addresses from Mrs. Smith that might help with their investigation.

Vegeta came back after a while, giving her a curt head-shake; he hadn’t found anything useful. Bulma finished up, leaving Mrs. Smith with the number for the station and her own cell. “Call me if you think of anything, no matter how silly. Often it’s the small details that lead to big break throughs in these cases.”

Mrs. Smith nodded and mumbled a wet thank you before she devolved back into tears. Bulma and Vegeta showed themselves out. 

As she opened the door to the car, Bulma glared over the roof at Vegeta. “Is that how you always handle grieving victims?”

He threw her a withering look. “You got a problem with how I work?”

“I do if you’re always going to be hostile when it’s not necessary.”

“Tch. That wasn’t hostile, that was me being reassuring.” He opened his door and got into the car. Irritated, she got in after him.

“Bullshit. How is interrogating a grieving mother reassuring?”

Vegeta met her gaze. “Not everyone needs to be mollycoddled. People grieving don’t want to hear how sorry you are. They want to know you’re going to tear everything apart to find their loved one’s murderer.”

Bulma’s mouth snapped shut, not having a witty come back to that. He kind of had a point. “Well, still… If you wound up dead, wouldn’t you like to know that someone was treating your family with compassion?”

“Wouldn’t know,” Vegeta replied in a flat voice, turning to stare out his window. “Don’t have one.”

She stared at the back of his head for longer than was polite, struggling to think of something appropriate to say. But the moment grew too long, and then it felt awkward to say anything at all. Finally she turned on the ignition and pulled the car back onto the road. Bulma made a mental note to hug her parents extra hard at dinner that night.

~xoXox~

AN: Anyone recognize Bulma’s passcode? In the words of TFS-Piccolo, “NEEEEEERD!”

[mazojo]

Favorite Sohma’s

Hi yes, uh, I needed a space to rant about fruits basket because I am still very broken so yea

Disclaimer that this is just my opinion and I still love them all very much, just needed to get this out of my system ayee. Also I will include a song that reminds me of them because I am that invested in this so yeaaaa

14- Kagura Sohma

Boy by Little Mix - “I know what you’re worth girl, you know what you got”

I rank Kagura as my least favorite just for the fact that I cant really relate to her I guess? I mean, she is okay, I think she is cute and all but I don't think violence is the way to go about her struggles and she is so much more worth than she gives herself credits for. In the end, I dont think I full understood her big struggle as much as the other characters and thats why she is at number 14, although I want her to be happy and full of love and support like the others ;w;

13- Akito Sohma

My Eyes by Neil Patrick Harris and Felicia Day - “But it’s plain to see, Evil inside of me is on the rise”

Akito is a complicated one for me man. Of course, in the beginning and throughout the manga you learn to really dislike her because she did some terrible things, specially to my baby boi Yuki and eye-.... But then when we learn more about her and everything she has gone through we start sympathizing with her but i..... cant just forget everything she did. I get she was traumatized since she was little, she became dependent on the zodiacs because of her father’s words and mother’s behaviour thus becoming a broken person with this big responsibility she didn't ask for. It really ticks me however, how much pain the others underwent through her, and even though its a healing process, the traumas and everything they suffered is still there which is why I cant place her higher. I do not hate her by any means, but she isnt my favorite person on this list either. I do ship her with Shigure and I think they help each other out, and they grow from the other.

12- Shigure Sohma

Used to the Darkness by Des Rocs - “Now would you pray before you twist the knife? Yeah, would you take my hand and take a life?”

*big sigh* Shigure is also a complicated one for me. It may be my big dumb energies showing but I didnt fully get a grasp on his character? I know he was doing everything for Akito’s sake to liberate from the curse and be with her so she is finally a “woman” but he always acted a bit shady xD?? I would have love to know more about his backstory, we dont get much from his motivations and character other than the perverted aspect and that he loves Akito lmaoo. I do think he is hilarious and I love the dynamic he has with Hatori and Ayame lol

11- Ayame Sohma

Starships by Nicky Minaj - “Starships were menat to fly, Hands up and touch the sky “

To be honest I am pretty neutral about Ayame’s character. He is hilarious and I love how Yuki insults him every tike he gets the chance lolll. I like how throughout the story he tries to change to become a better brother to Yuki and person even though he is pretty extra most of the time about it. He has a good heart and even though he made some mistakes he owns up to them which in my opinion, makes him a good character <33 I love his friendship with Hatori lmaooo they balance each other out sooo well

10- Kureno Sohma

Taking Chances by Celine Dion - “Never knowing if there's solid ground below, Or a hand to hold, or hell to pay”

I really like Kureno! He has gone through quite a bit and he needs a hug. I am sad thinking how most of his life he lead it pretty similarly to Yuki’s, apart from everyone and super enclosed to his relationship with Akito due to him breaking the curse and feeling bad about it. I do wish we would have gotten to know more about his personality and story, if we did I would have definitely ranked him higher! He really reminds me of Tohru’s father and I think Uotani is perfect for him <33 would have love to see more about the two of them and hopefully they expand upon it in the anime

9- Ritsu Sohma

Waving Through a Window by Ben Platt - “On the outside, always looking in, Will I ever be more than I've always been?”

Okay okay so I have a lot of thoughts on Ritsu. Manga Ritsu is okay, I really dont have much of an opinion on him due to him appearing only in a few chapters, I feel like from the Sohma’s, he is the one we get the least information about. But then the anime episode came out where they presented Ritsu and I thought they gave him so much more life and rounded personality where, I get to relate a lot to him? I am someone who is constantly apologizing for absolutely no reason and seeing him be all anxious and stressed about others interactions is big relate to me and I stan. I also think the whole dressing as a woman plot line is better dealt with in the anime and I hope we get to see more about his insecurities and troubles in the future because he is truly a very interesting character! I stan my one (1) anxious monkey.

8- Kisa Sohma

Mean by Taylor Swift - “But you can take me down with just one single blow, But you don't know what you don't know”

Cinnammon rooooooolll. Kisa is such a cutie. I dont have much to say other than my mood every time I think about Kisa is hugging her like Tohru does because she is babyyyy. Also her bullying story is one I think many viewers and readers can relate a lot to and such an important topic I think they covered pretty well and I loveee. Also her and Hiro are one of my favorite ships because they work so well and asdfgh in this household Kisa is a queennn.

7- Isuzu Sohma

Take me Home by Jess Glynne - “Came to you with a broken faith, Gave me more than a hand to hold”

I really like Isuzu!! I am pretty bummed we wont get to meet her in season 1 of the Anime reboot but hopefully in the nest season! She is quite a complex character that I didnt really understand at the beginning but once we see how much she loves Haru and all that she does in order to protect and keep him save she really went up my list. She has gone through so much, from her shattered reality from her parents, Akito threatening Haru, her being locked up withour given any food.... Isuzu is so strong and one of the best build characters in the series and I am super excited to see her in the anime!

6- Hiro Sohma

Time to be a Man by The Airborne Toxic Event - “And it’s time to be a man, Tell me how does that go?”

My bastard childdd <33 He is such an asshole and such a sweetie at the same time. His whole inner struggle of not feeling like a good enough man for Kisa is so heartwhelming and I think it really makes sense to the type of person he is. The flashbacks of him telling Akito how he loves Kisa and the feeling of uncertainty and impotency when seeing the girl he loves being hurt by his actions and wanting to be good enough for her even though he is more than enough sdfghjasd. I am also a softie for older brothers who love their families *cough cough* spoiler alert: Momiji *cough cough* that I love me one angry boi

5- Hatsuharu Sohma

4 Seasons by Rex Orange County - “I saw myself as less and you so high above me”

Cow boil! apart from the fact that I love love loveeee Haru’s design, I think he is also such a well build character! He is not only supportive of everyone (aka the loves of his life, Rin and Yuki xDD) but he is so interesting! His split personalities give him a cool trait (even though dark Haru doesnt appear much in the end of the manga) and I love how he helps everyone and makes sure those he loves are protected at all cost and happy. He is Rin and Yuki’s fan club stan leader and I am co-leader so we been stanning aye

4- Hatori Sohma

Fireflies by Owl City - “I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes, I got misty eyes as they said farewell”

Boooooy the next four to come are my absolute favorties and I would die for their happiness and love so *takes big breathe* I LoVE hAtORi sOhMAAa. To be honest when we first meet him I didnt like him much. I thought he was your usual dark deep character who doesnt talk much because he is too cool for everyone (which, he is) and that was that. But boi was I in for a riDE. His story about having to erase the memories from the woman he loves is one of the ones I cried through the most. I put myself in his shoes and wonder if I had to erase the memory of the person I loved the most, make them forget they ever met me, all our happy times, sad times, angry times.... No matter what its one of the most saddening moments and the whole scene is heartbreaking, which makes me love Hatori even more for the fact of how strong he is and selfless. He puts himself before others and he need to know he also deserves happiness and I am glad in the end he got it because homeboy needed a break ;w;. I also adore Ayame’s relationship with him xDD, he is like his idol and big same.

3- Kyo Sohma 

This song saved my Life by Simple Plan - “Sometimes it feels like nobody gets me, Trapped in a world where everyone hates me”

Top three babyyyy. We have now my angry cat boi™. I mentioned it before but going into the reboot firsthand without reading the manga nor watching the first anime, I thought Kyo was going to be my absolute favorite character. I knew he would be the angry boi who was soft inside and probably had a tragic backstory™ that made him act the way he did and I am a sucker for those types of characters. And I love Kyo, I really do, specially when we find out more about his struggles and past. The exclusion he felt throughout his life for being the cat, the abandonment, feeling like he had no one and was ready to die because he didn't have any source of genuine happiness (well, apart from Kazuma ya know but stillll). Then he finds Tohru, the girl he promised to protect, the one that reminded him of the woman that helped him out all those years ago and I just.... poetic cinema at its finest. Kyo and Tohru make one of my favorite couples and I love how flustered and In absolute l o v e he is with her and Kyo is great man....

2- Yuki Sohma

Nandemonaiya by RADWIMPS - “Crying even when you're happy, Smiling even when you're feeling lonely”

THIS WAS ONE OF THE HARDEST DECISIONS OF MA ENTIRE WEEB CAREER SO EXCUSE WHILE I SCREAM. Yuki Sohma won my heart and entire soul throughout the series. I liked him from the start but he wasn't my favorite favorite at the beginning you know? I thought he was isolated and thats why he didn't have much friends and he was perfect and what not but boi was I wrong and happy about it. I think one of the reasons Yuki is one of my favorite characters in fruits basket is how much I can see myself in him. Having the constant need of perfection while also wanting to connect with others but finding it hard is something I personally struggle with and every time we learned a little bit about his backstory my heart broke. Everything Yuki had to go through, the rejection, the isolation, understanding that you are loved and not a burden, falling in love with someone, finding that figure of a mother/friend he always yearned for.... The complexity of Yuki’s character is astounding and I love my rat boi so so much.... When he joins the student council, finding his little group of friends and opening up to a more carefree and true Yuki, forgiving those around him and going and eye- YuKI IS MY BABY RAT BOI AND STAN HIM OR PERISH FROM HERE ;w;

1- Momiji Sohma 

Eine Kleine by Rachie - “If I were to go through life living just to take somebody else's place, Then I would rather have been born as a pebble, living out my peaceful days “

*Clears throat* *trumpets sounds intensify* *stands on podium* I LOVE MOMIJI SOHMA WITH ALL MY HEART AND HE MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS. Thats it. Thats what I want you to get out of this post. I don't know if this is maybe an unpopular opinion-ish but Momiji’s backstory of his mother rejecting him, saying awful things, him having to accept being forgotten by his mother and sister whom he loved, not even being able to live with his family, is one of the most heartbreaking ones of fruits basket. Maybe its like what I said with Hiro and I am a sucker for big brothers that love their families, the sad smile of Momiji, my baby, angel, perfection when he sees his family and not being able to be with them, him loving Tohru but letting her go and be with Kyo because its her happiness that matters to him and I am-..... The selflessness of Momiji and how much of a sweetheart he is, his heart of gold and always being there for those around him, that moment where Akito was looking for Tohru and he got hurt trying to defend her.... Momiji is one of my all time favorite characters. He is a precious bean and I will never not shut up about my love for ma boi <333

Anyways that was long and ramble but I just needed to shout this somewhere because I've been missing they //rip

[maren-reads-books]

The Raven King by Nora Sakavic

With the Foxes having been hit with a major loss at the very beginning of the season, they have to learn how to cope with one less teammate while preparing for a perilous season. As they familiarize themselves with a less than ideal lineup they prepare themselves as best they can for their first ever game against the Edgar Allen Ravens. With pasts starting to come back to haunt the team they work their way though and try to push past it. As they work hard to succeed they grow closer than ever before and reveal things that never would have come to light if Neil wasn't on the team to stir things up and break boundaries. As they struggle and conquer together on the court and in their lives, the start to become a united front only for the events of the Christmas banquet finally force them apart. Will the team be able to survive or will they crumble under the pressure of their pasts?

--SPOILERS--

This review is a bit long so bear with me. I feel like this book is where the story finally starts to pick up and get interesting, more so later in the book but this book is definitely it. First off, i can't imagine the way the team is feeling after Seth’s death, they all have so many emotional problems (I’m looking at you Neil) that it must've been hard even if they weren't grieving. And I get it, Seth was an asshole and nobody really liked him but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't care about his death, I especially felt bad for Allison, she didn't deserve that. But I think in the long run (not to sound mean) Seth’s death helped bring the team closer together. And then in the midst of all this chaos, Andrew gets a call, the fateful call that will pretty much set up the entire book. It was great to learn more about the twins and their rivalry, but realizing that they’ve really only known each other for a couple of years was crazy, I can't imagine living most of your life not knowing someone was out there wearing your face. And yet they were both destined for crappy childhoods, like how much was fate messing with them huh? And then the decision to let Andrew be off his meds and play for an entire game comes along, that surprised me, but of course my crazy short blond son is willing to play along. And it works, but I'm sure Andrew felt horrible, but they won and that's what really matters, kind of. I know its not super important to the story but this part is important to me, they take Neil shopping. Finally! It seems crazy to me that he’s so resistant to people buying him anything, even something as simple as clothes, which is something that really needed to happen cause jorts? Really Neil? And the Andrew buys them matching phones?! So cute, also foreshadowing. Then the fated fall banquet arrives, where Neil starts to dig his grave deeper and deeper. First we find out that Dan used to be a stripper, but I’m so proud that she’s not ashamed fo what she did and isn’t going to let any stupid Raven get under her skin. And then we meet Jean, who of course goes on to list some of Neil’s other identities and therefore scare the shit out of him. I hated that Neil and subsequently Kevin found out that they knew who he was with all those people around, I can't imagine how that made him feel. And then after a little bit of antagonization from Riko, Neil snaps and gives his iconic, “You know, I get it” speech, like damn. One side of me is like ‘do you want to make things a little bit worse for yourself hunny?’ and the other side of me is like ‘yas go off on this abusive chauvinist asshole’ and then they tell Neil that really all along he wasn't running from his dad, he was running from Riko’s family and it's just like *boom* mic dropped. Again I can't imagine how truly afraid Neil was for his life at that very moment. His conversation about it with Kevin hit me hard, Neil’s been on the run for years, having someone know who he truly is must be the worst feeling ever, but he chooses to stay anyway, my boy has immense courage and probably a death wish but I'm so glad that that's what he chose. One thing I love the most about this book is the fact that Neil starts to form friendships, actual genuine bonds with real good people. It's crazy that he's never had real friends before but I’m glad that he's friends with these people, they're great in a messed up family dynamic kind of way. Learning the rest of the twins story from Nicky made me appalled, what kind of mother, let alone person could give up her kids change her mind but not have enough love or decenty in her heart to take both? Their story hurt my heart like you could not believe. And then Nicky implying that Andrew killed their mother(which he did but whatever) like damn, another mic drop. And then the topic completely changes form murder to ‘hey Nicky why are you gay?’ and Nicky’s answer is just hilariously on point for his character, the way he talks about Erik is just so adorable, I wish we got to see more of Erik in this series. But Nicky’s backstory is so sad! His parents are awful and I can't imagine what he went through before he truly started to love himself. Then their first game against the Ravens arrives. I was so nervous, I was literally sitting on the edge of my seat during this game. And even though they lost I was very proud of them, but I really just wanted to slit Riko’s throat. I hate him with all of my five foot one self. And then its Halloween and Neil (my magical boy) convinces the entire team to go out for drinks together, what an absolute miracle. But it's not all rainbows and sunshine, quite yet. Remember that call that Andrew got at the beginning of the book, well turns out the cop has come for a visit, how wonderful. But it's a very vague scene which again, is vital later in the book. But then we learn about Matt’s backstory. Like wow, lots of tragic backstories in this book amiraight? After Halloween Neil and Renee finally have in my opinion, a much needed heart to heart, or as close to it as two severely damaged people can get. And we get another backstory, wow, I think we're checking pretty much everyone off the list. Also I want to meet Kevin's girlfriend! I want to meet her now! Then another phone call that will set up the rest of this book. Nicky’s parents call to invite them over for Thanksgiving. What a mess, but Andrew, Kevin, Aaron, Nicky, and Neil all pile into the car and take a ride down to see the parents. But not before stopping by the Exy store to get Neil a new racket, which is also another crazy important detail. This book flows so nicely, even if the events that occur aren't nice, everything connects so seamlessly, it's perfect. And then we meet the parents, right off the bat I knew I would hate them and that they were only going to cause problems. Religion is okay, like Nicky says, it is an interpretation of faith, but people like Nicky's parents aren't willing to view it like that and that makes them dangerous, turns out I was right. Luring Andrew to Drake was cruel and horrifying. I hope they get sent away. The way Aaron defended his brother though, that kind of passion for someone you barely know is something that runs in the twins blood and that's the connection that will be vital to repairing their brotherhood. The way Neil tried to comfort Andrew, all that boy wants is to protect him. The description of Andrew being too high to even really process what had just happened to him, and the description of his laugh, it was enough to make me feel nauseous, it was such a descriptive and visceral scene. I don't agree with Aaron being arrested but whatever. But the fact that, after Andrew found out he was being sent away, he had enough trust in Neil to give Kevins care to him, like wow. That's such a big step in the right direction for their relationship. And I'm so gosh dang happy that Andrew is being taken off his meds, if they'd left him on them after what he went through I would have a serious problem. But Neil honey, your racket was used as a murder weapon and you want it back?! Like seriously? My boy needs some help, but he gets a new one so it's fine. Neil’s mission to fix Aaron and Andrew’s relationship? Such pure intentions for a boy with such a broken heart but it really shows how much he cares for these people, he has such a caring heart and has never deserved anything that he's gotten. The scene on page 269, yes I put the page number in there because it's important, when Neil asks the team if they are actually friends. Ugh, my heart did a little song and dance, I’m so happy that my broken boy has friends, and I’m glad that Aaron gets to keep Katelyn around, I like her, she's good for him. But the Christmas banquet arrives and doesn't bring any yuletide cheer with it. First things first, Riko admitted to being the cause of Seth's death, like wow didn't think that was going to happen but he's a cocky asshole so I really should have expected it. Second, he admits to setting up the thing with Drake and then tells Neil that he can have Andrew tortured/raped at his rehabilitation center if Neil doesn't cooperate. And so Neil sets off to Evermore for Christmas break, pretty much sealing his fate meanwhile the only one that knows is Kevin and Kevin can’t say a thing to stop him. I was literally screaming at my book by this point begging him not to go, but he's a stubborn little asshole. Okay, the fact that Riko put him in Kevin's place, was super symbolic of Riko’s insane personality. Then we find out that Kevin’s dad is Wymack? Like, uh, definitely didn't see that one coming, like never in a million years would I have expected that. I can't believe that they beat Neil to a pulp and then expected him to play? They're literally torturing this boy just to get him to play a sport, then Riko pulls out his knife and gets to work, and like Neil says Riko is “one seriously fucked up individual.” And then he’s home, honestly I think it works well that his time at Evermore wasn’t in the book, it makes it feel more real, I don't know how to describe it but it makes it feel like Neil tried to block everything out and then everything comes rushing back once he’s home. The fact that Wymack dropped everything to come and get him really goes to how how much he cares for these kids, they’re his family. Then coach offered to patch him up which was really nice of him but when Neil saw his tattoo and was literally ready to carve it of his face with a kitchen knife, you really get a peek into how much damage they truly did to him and how much he really cares for this team, that he's willing to put himself in danger just in order to stay with them. He's willing to fight his instincts to stay with his family, and that's what bravery looks like in my opinion. As I’ve said before and will say again, I love this series so much and would highly recommend it everyone.

-maren

[ofcgenesis]

✧ · ˚ .zendaya ? nah, that’s just genesis iver. you know, they’re the twenty-two beauty guru from jefferson, texas… still doesn’t ring a bell ? come on, dude ! they’re all over ME.MIAMI’S homepage. it’s impossible for them to stay off of it because of the fact that they’re super calculating & deceptive. they’re not all bad though, ‘cause they can be elegant & amiable too ! you can totally tell they’re a scorpio… it’s almost scary. look, if you want to remember them, just think of glossy pink lips, solid gold hoops, and big birkin bags. , and you’ll be golden. ( her/she, cis female.  /  raq, 19, her/she, cst. )

new stuff is bold 

tl;dr: genesis is a beauty youtuber who’s done really great at hiding who she really is from the world. just like every really big member of the beauty community, she has had her scandals. but, for the most part her image is still this  super sweet, barbie kinda girl but anyone who knows her irl knows she’s… faaar from sweet. to make it short and sweet, she’s a two faced betch!

legal name: genesis barbie iver-zaleski (yes, she legally changed her name to barbie.)

vc: saweetie and nicki

she’s a mess ok

grew up in jefferson, texas aka really small, really rural town

she grew up pretty normal. not necessarily in struggling, but ya’ know not lavish either. a normal middle class, texan family. her parents are separated and her dad is soon to be  remarried. she’s only got one older biological sister.?? wC???

her parents were kinda strict and suppper religious and traditional you’re run in the mill she’s never allowed to go out kinda thing.

she wasn’t much of a popular kid in school?? had her small group of friends and that’s about that. was the girl everyone went to to have their makeup done in middle school/highschool for dances and birthdays! she’s always been pretty talented with makeup, dabbling into it at a young age thanks to her older sister’s.

really the classic youtuber come up story for her: she got a camera for christmas on her 15th birthday. did a few funny videos with her friends and posted them to youtube thinking nothing much of it. over time, she just gained a social media following.

in came brand deals, and collabs, and pr packages.

all of this, of course, she kept hidden from her parents. not like it was hard. 

and the rest is history. at 18, she moved to flordia to meet casey so. yuh. skdfja

her parents really wanted her to go to college. so guess what sis did?

she lied. sksksjaagj she told them she’d be going to flordia state in the fall and, since they hadn’t a clue about her youtube/social media influencer career, they were proud. dropped her off at the airport and she was picked up by…. casey!

her secret internet boyfriend that didn’t last for very long tho lmao

they found out cause of course they did lol and the video that put her on the map entitled “I LIED TO MY PARENTS ABOUT GOING TO COLLEGE?” honestly people thought it was clickbait and were flew when it wasn’t sksks

and that video like SKYROCKETED her subscriber count.

thus, this was her entry into getting more pr and more brand deals and

hello she did a collab with too faced (the one jackie aina did hennyways) to create more diverse foundation shades. she was the face the launch.

and after that! she started her own beauty line

so rn she’s just being a vlogger/beauty guru/ makeup mogul icon bad bish

and kinda a rapper. she’s gen so she takes everything she does rEally seriously, and is sorta dabbling in music right now.

is now just engaged to hal ! 

personality:

suppppperrrr sweet when you first meet her, but lowkey kinda?? fake?? there’s a high chance she’s smiling in your face and silently judging what you’re wearing.

really the typa girl you think you’re friends with but definitely shit talks you behind your back.

extreme type a personality. loves to control situations, has everything planned by the minute. she /lives/ with her planner.

she’s reeeaallyy concerned about her image and brand so she might befriend you for clout (kinda, not all the time.)

don’t make her mad, she’ll throw a literal tantrum.

your fave relatable youtuber/beauty guru? thats her.

really superficial, kinda bubbly, reallyyyy boujee

i wish i could say she’s getting nicer now that she’s engaged and happy– but tbh that’s just boosted her ego sO

[surveysmakemehappy-blog]

Because our 1 year wedding anniversary just passed

Crush/Significant Other/Whatever Survey

1: Do they drink coffee? Occasionally.

2: Are they left or right handed? Right. 3: How do they do their hair? Facial hair? (If they have it) It’s in a bun right now. 

4: What’s their favorite animal? Giraffes. 5: What is their relationship status? We’re married. 6: What is their favorite band/singer? Nicki Minaj. Lil Wayne...etc. 7: Are they more a cat or dog person? Definitely dog. 8: What does their laugh sound like? Ugh, it’s hard to explain. But it makes me laugh. 9: Do they know multiple languages? Which ones? Lol, she knows like 4 words in Tagalog. 10: How old are they? How old are you? She is 26 and I am 27. 11: One word that describes them. Different. Lol. 12: Do they have any pets? We have two doggies. 13: What is their favorite TV show? She doesn’t really have a favorite tv show. She’s really into Shitt’s Creek right now. Super funny. 14: What is their favorite movie? Selena. 15: What car do they drive? Dodge Dart. We got that together back in 2015. 16: What ethnicity and/or nationality are they? Chamorro. 17: Where did you meet them? Work. Payless 🤓 18: What was your first meeting like? She met me like 3 months earlier than my memory. Hers: Health Fair for Payless. She kept checking me out and I gave her the dirtiest look and walked away. She remembered what I was wearing and how my hair was red which is what caught her attention. I don’t like being stared at so I can imagine myself atan babaing her. Lol. Mine: She ended up transferring to my location. I was out of work for like a week for medical reasons and my coworker was telling me how the new girl wants to go back to the mall, so I was like, “That’s because she hasn’t worked with me yet.” Lol. So our first meeting went like this.    Me: Hi, I’m Sabrina!!!  You’re gonna love it here. (ALL SMILEY)    Marina: Hi, okay. (She said I was the only reason she wanted to stay.) Lol. 19: What is their zodiac sign? Are your signs compatible? She’s a Leo & I’m a Cancer. We are only compatible if we make compromises. We have to meet each other halfway. Lol. The struggle has been real. 20: What month is their birthday? August. 21: What is your favorite outfit on them? I like her black pullovers and khakis. 22: Are they good texters? With me, yes. 23: Your favorite feature about their appearance. Her smile. 24: Your favorite thing about their personality. Everyone gravitates towards her. 25: Do they make you laugh? Yes, all the time. 26: Do you make them laugh? She says I’m the funniest person she knows, soooo. Lol .27: Are they good huggers/ kissers? Yes.. 28: What is your favorite “flaw” that they have? Lol, their ears. 29: Are they nice to strangers? It depends. 30: What is the funniest thing they have ever said? I can’t truly choose one thing. 31: Saddest? Ehh, probably when we argue. 32: Weirdest? Have you met her? She’s weird af. Lol. 33: Cutest? Ugh, these questions bore me. 34: Ever dreamt about them? What happened in the dream? Different things. Before we got married, I was dreaming that I cheated on her. She said it was because I was getting cold feet. I’ve dreamt of her dying, leaving me, cheating on me, etc. Haha. 35: How tall are they? How tall are you? I’m 5’6” & she’s 5’5” 36: Do they have a booty? Lol, yes. 37: What are their hobbies? She likes watching meat videos, playing game on her phone, bbqing. Lol. 38: What are their talents? She is a great cook. 39: What would your dream date be with them? I’m a really simple person. Honestly, a late picnic under the stars would be perfect and we’ve done that before for one of my birthdays. 40: Does anyone know about your crush/love? We’re married. 41: What do you guys have in common? We live well together so we have tons of things in common. 42: Do they go to the gym? Sometimes. 43: Do they go by their given name? Yes. 44: What is their favorite color? She loves black. 45: How far apart do you live from them? We live in the same house. 46: What song reminds you of them? Sure Thing - Miguel Wanted - Hunter Hayes Suffocate - J. Holiday Love Don’t Change - Jeremih Latch - Disclosure Faithfully - Journey Ughhhh, so many..... 47: Do they listen to a lot of music? She loves music and always knows the newest, underground songs that come up. 48: What do they smell like? Lol, nothing specifically but do you ever get the “they smell like they used to when you first met” vibes? Love it. 49: If they were in a book (protagonist or antagonist or supporting character, up to you) how would the writer describe them? She’d probably either be the one fighting for someone’s honor (annoyingly) or the person sitting back doing nothing. It’s really either or. 50: How often do you see them? Well, she works two jobs and I work a full time job and go to summer school so we see each other in between. 51: The last text message they sent you? Call me. 52: The last thing they said to you in person? We actually just talked about something with her second job. 53: What is the most embarrassing thing that’s happened to you in front of them? When I went with her to visit her family, I was helping to bring in groceries and I straight up slipped in the middle of the living room. Marina was soooooo shocked and I couldn’t stop laughing. Lol. Super awkward for me. 54: Do they have any tattoos or piercings? Lol, yes. Both tattoos involve me. 😛 “Forever Yours” is on the inside of her arm and that’s how we used to sign our letters to each other; it’s also our song from Journey “Faithfully.” The other one is a big “Sabrina Ann” on her outer arm. AHAHAHA. In no way did I push that on her, she made that decision on her own before we even got married. Lol. She also has piercings on her ears. 55: What color are their eyes? Brown. 56: What is their clothing style? It just depends on how she’s feeling. She can dress down or dress up. 57: What is one thing that makes them really special? The love she has for me is unfathomable. 58: Will you tell your crush your feelings? Lol, She knows all about it. 59: How long did you know them before you started falling for them? Definitely over a year. We were arguing and it just dawned on me that I really loved this hoe. I loved the fall which definitely happened in the first 6 months of us dating but I didn’t truly love her until over a year later. 60: Was there a defining moment when you knew you liked them? When I told her I left my chicken nuggets in her car when she dropped me home and she came back to drop it to me. I came down the stairs and she was like “Dayummm!” I was wearing my sleeping clothes already which was like booty shorts and a tank top but I was flattered and giddy. Lol. 😂 Also, when she always stayed back off the clock to help me get things done. It was the cutest thing.

[letsbfrank4]

Book Review: YOU

Rating: ☕☕☕☕☕

Title: YOU Author: Caroline Kepnes Publisher: Emily Bestler Books / ATRIA Genres: Fiction, Thriller Pages: 424 Format: Paperback

“If we were teenagers, I could kiss you. But I’m on a platform behind a counter wearing a name tag and we’re too old to be young. Night moves don’t work in the morning, and light pours in through the windows.”

“He won’t listen or learn or bend and I’m losing patience with him, with life, with humans.”

“…I am going to have to choose between you and the pieces of you currently stored in a box…”

“…I killed for you. I deserve you.”

   When I was watching the show YOU on Netflix I couldn’t help but feel that the script sounded just like a book. After searching on Google, sure enough, I found that it was a book. Since I enjoyed watching the show I had to see how the book would compare. I was not let down. The book is much more dark and sinister than the show which made for such a great read. I can’t remember the last time I read through a book this quickly. Warnings before reading this book includes: sexually explicit content and language, drug use, violence/abuse. SPOILERS are included in this review. Skip to the last paragraph for my rating and conclusion.     In today’s day and age social media is everywhere. We’ve all been told to be careful of what we put on the internet because we don’t know who may be reading it. Not to mention we have all had that moment of weakness when we did a little too much “research” on a person whether it be a friend, ex, or even a celebrity. This book does a great job showing how dark the web can get and a lot of the fear factor that comes from this book stems from how realistic this situation can be.     Kepnes’s style of writing was magnetic, borderline stream of consciousness. The reader felt like they were inside Joe’s head, watching life happen through his eyes. In the beginning of the book the reader can validate and relate to what Joe is doing, little things like noticing a name on a credit card, what she likes to read, seeing her on Facebook, etc. However, as the book progresses it gets harder and harder for the reader to validate what Joe is doing. Going through that transition is scary because it is easy to see how blurred the lines can get (especially if you don’t know where they stop). I know I was trying to figure out when I went from rooting for Joe to screaming for Beck to run.     The conclusion did a wonderful job of tying up the loose ends, for now. It was a great way to get Joe off the hook and out of the threatening zone of getting caught. The very last paragraph was terrifyingly cold. Joe replaces Beck so easily. Beck becomes just another Candace.     The reader becomes so close to Joe throughout the book. It was incredible to watch as the reader and Joe start to form a dialogue of their own. All the inside jokes: minutes to hours to days (time telling), such small hands, secret knowledge of the green pillow, etc. Then to see Joe doing the exact same thing with Beck and watching how they create their own language: different/hot, engine engine number 9, everythingship, solipsistic, etc; the shared content in brilliant.     When it came to Beck’s character I wasn’t very happy with the way she was portrayed. I’m not sure whether it was Joe getting to my head but the book made it seem like Beck was asking for all this attention, if you play with fire don’t be upset if you get burned. I would have liked it more if Beck was painted in a more innocent victim type light. Throw some curtains in her apartment, they could have been in need of repair from falling off the wall or something along those lines. Make her more of a girl next door and not have men thinking she is sex on a stick. I didn’t like how Beck did all these careless type things and then that justifies all this drama leaking into her life.     A lot of this book was based off situations that are fairly realistic but I thought that Beck’s phone not being deactivated wasn’t realistic at all. Even if someone else is paying the bill any normal person would have to phone turned off. Why? Because your information is in it!     I would have liked more information on Candace. Was she his first normal relationship? His only? Or was she his first victim? What was she like in comparison to Beck? Does Joe have a type or can any girl fall victim to his obsessions? So many questions.     Now that I have a majority of the basic review out of the way I do have some topics that I would like to talk about, some notes and other things that I noticed while reading.     First, when it comes to the murders there is a lot of commonalities between the way the murders are written and Joe’s feelings towards the victim. Joe’s first kill in the story is Benji. Joe couldn’t care less about Benji and his killing showed that. Joe just hoped that Benji was telling the truth about his allergies. There aren’t really any details as to how Benji dies and his body is gotten rid of in a way where no one will ever find him, erased from everyone’s lives because he is that unimportant. Peach’s death included a failed attempt and a very physical altercation and struggle. Joe was constantly battling Peach for Beck and Peach’s death emphasizes how much Joe was trying to snuff her out. However, just like how Peach kept upping one up on Joe, her body resurfaces despite how hard Joe tried to keep it sunk. Moving on to Candace, the reader doesn’t know much about her death. Like Candace’s story her death is short and passionate. We know Joe loved her and was betrayed by her. Candace’s death was a crime of passion and Joe just wanted to drown out the fact that she was leaving him. Dr. Nicky, while not a death, was an attempt. Joe did a lot of research on Dr. Nicky. Joe wasn’t 100 percent sure that he was sleeping with Beck when he wanted to get rid of him. Hence, Joe didn’t go through with the killing 100 percent. Right when Joe was about the strike he ends up backing off because of Beck’s call. Finally, it comes to Beck’s death. Beck’s death is very prolonged, Joe struggles with her, thinks she is dead, gets upset, Beck is alive, struggles again, Beck hurt Joe, Joe actually kills Beck and feels glad but then upset again. Just like their relationship it is not only passionate and complicated but ultimately deadly. Joe struggles with his emotions when getting rid of her body, he loves her but can’t keep her. The epic story comes to a tragic end. All these deaths are reflective of each individual person.     Next, Peach’s character is interesting and adds a plot twist to this already creepy story. When we first meet Peach she seems like an obstacle, in the way of Joe getting the girl. The reader starts to root for Joe to get past this girl Peach but then they wonder if Peach is just doing her job, being the protective friend that she is (keeping her best friend safe from strange stalker guys). Then the plot twist happens and it turns out Peach is just as creepy and just as big of a stalker as Joe. Then it becomes a battle of the stalkers. This goes to show the reader that there can be more than just one threat out there.    The last parallel that I want to make is when Joe seems to compare Beck with books. Joe goes through a big speech about how books can suck you in, make you leave everything behind, fall in love, become enraptured by them, and then they disappear. Later on in the book Joe describes Beck’s death in this way. He talks about how she is flawed just like the books in his store and how she has ended and left him, he even shoves pages of a book in her mouth while she is dying. Then the book ends with Joe moving on to a different “book” and starting the whole pattern up again.     I know that this review is a little on the longer side but there was so much to be said for this book. I cannot give this book a 5 out of 5 All Nighter Worthy rating enough. I could not put this book down. If you want a page turner and nail biter this is a good choice. Would I recommend this book? Yes, I was already recommending this book before I even finished it. YOU has definitely made it to the top end of my favorites list. Naturally, the show on Netflix is good too, so be sure to check that out as well. I’m already on the hunt for Kepnes’s next book Hidden Bodies.

Summary: When a beautiful, aspiring writer strides into the East Village bookstore where Joe Goldberg works, he does what anyone would do: he googles the name on her credit care. There is only one Guinevere Beck in New York City. She has a public Facebook account and tweets incessantly, telling Joe everything he needs to know: she is simply Beck to her friends, she went to Brown University, she lives on Bank Street, and she’ee be at a bar in Brooklyn tonight- the perfect place for a “chance” meeting. As Joe invisibly and obsessively takes control of Beck’s life, he begins quietly removing the obstacles that stand in their way. Joe will do anything to ensure Beck finds herself in his waiting arms- even if it means murder.