#Next-Day-PCR-Test

[flamefatalis]

Nah man I’m feeling even worse this morning, so I’m taking off. My PCR was negative but I find it hard to believe I don’t have COVID. Maybe I tested too early? This is the first time I’ve taken off two days in a row in a while. I feel so guilty but I don’t want to expose anyone… and I need to take care of myself.

[pepprs]

going to reblog some non covid stuff now or maybe play a game bc i know stressing out isn’t helping anything. but im just so angry

[neil-gaiman]

Hello Neil,

With the upcoming filming for Good Omens S3 slated to start next year, I was wondering if you knew if there would be similar mitigations on set as there were for the filming on S2, such as masking? I was also curious as to what other mitigations were taken during the filming on S2, such as testing, air filtration, etc?

Thank you!

There was daily testing for everyone, masking and social distancing mostly. And we were incredibly lucky.

I doubt that Season 3 would have similar rules -- we don't have the money in the budget to have our own labs and do PCR testing on everyone every day, for example.

[covid-safer-hotties]

Reference saved on our archive

By Amanda Blum

PCR tests are far superior to rapid antigen tests—and now you can get them for home use.

Last week, I was about to go on a date, and because I'm severely immunocompromised, we agreed he would take a COVID test using one of my rapid home PCR tests. It was a courtesy—he felt perfectly fine— but he tested positive. By the next day, he was sick as a dog. And, by the way, the rapid antigen test he took when he got home that night was negative.

Regardless of how you much of a health risk you see in COVID, it is still, at best, an inconvenience that costs you days off work. A simple home PCR test saved me from that inconvenience (and worse), and if I'd relied on the common rapid antigen test or done nothing at all, I would probably be sick right now.

While the world has desperately attempted to move on from COVID, this summer saw the highest case loads since 2022, with a winter surge just around the corner. Almost 300,000 people died from COVID in the US over the last three months alone, so while the pandemic has transitioned into endemic, according to the CDC, there are still risks to be aware of. Around 400 million people worldwide have long COVID, where symptoms can range from annoying to absolutely debilitating, regardless of your age, pre-COVID health, or fitness levels. Cases of long COVID are crushing our medical system, too. The two best tools to avoid getting COVID continue to be masking and testing. Unfortunately, the PCR testing centers that used to be available in each city have long closed, and obtaining a PCR has become expensive and hard to locate. This is why home testing kits are so important.

While you may be used to thinking of COVID tests as interchangeable, there’s a big difference between the standard at-home antigen test and a PCR (molecular) test. Almost five years in, it’s important to understand why PCR tests are the ones you want when accurate testing is important.

The difference between a PCR and a Rapid Antigen Test What you normally think of as a home COVID test—like the kind you can order for free from the government—is a rapid antigen test. When these at-home COVID tests became available, they were a powerful tool to help people know they were positive so they could isolate themselves from others. Almost all at-home tests were lateral flow tests, also known as rapid antigen tests (RATs). They measure for proteins on the outside of SARS-C0V-2, but they have a major flaw: They can only detect active virus. If you’re asymptomatic or don’t have a high viral load yet, the RAT may show negative results while you have an active and contagious infection.

This is why, if you already have symptoms, a negative antigen test isn't conclusive. You may need to test a number of times to confirm you have COVID. When you first get sick, you may go a number of days (as many as five) without enough virus to set off a positive RAT test. RATs were designed to be taken multiple times in sequence.

A PCR, also known as a NAAT or molecular test, measures RNA and can detect even small amounts of the virus. This is why it has always been considered the “gold standard” of COVID testing. These tests are generally considered accurate starting one to three days before you experience symptoms. Until last year, you needed to get a PCR from a testing center, but home tests have evolved and there are now four rapid, at-home molecular COVID tests, meaning you test and get a result within 30 minutes.

Why we still need COVID testing The world is now divided into people who view COVID as part of regular life and those who, due to chronic illness, immune issues, previous infections, or age, cannot afford to get infected. For a long time, we viewed COVID testing as something you do for your own health, but home PCR testing represents a way you can easily protect those vulnerable people in your life without cutting them off from society.

But even if you're not concerned about others, you should still care about protecting yourself from multiple infections. While the likelihood you will die of COVID has gone down dramatically due to vaccines, medical interventions, and natural immunity from infection, the news has not done a great job talking about long COVID. As people get infected two, three, four, and more times, they are playing against the odds. It’s estimated that one in 10—or even as many as one in five—infections leads to long COVID, and to explain how much it’s not “just the flu,” COVID is now considered to be a vascular illness. That means it affects the blood vessels in your body, which go everywhere. Thinking of COVID as a vascular illness helps explain why long COVID is everything from extreme fatigue to migraines to numbness in your extremities, loss of smell and taste, extreme fatigue, and neurological and cardiovascular conditions.

While lots of people no longer even test to see if they have COVID, there are a few reasons to get a definitive answer. First, you can only get the intervention Paxlovid within the first five days of symptoms. Anti-virals like Paxlovid knock down your viral load, one of the things we think helps prevent long COVID. Second, no one knows who will get long COVID, and you might need proof of that positive test in the future for insurance or benefits or even to justify sick days.

Lastly, you need to get tested because it is hard to know when you have COVID. Symptoms of COVID include headache, body ache, fever, sniffles, congestion, fatigue, sore throat, vomiting, diarrhea, and loss of smell or taste. In other words, absolutely anything out of the ordinary. While a RAT is unreliable for safe socializing with people for the reasons explained above, a molecular test can pretty reliably clear someone to come in your house that day, or be in close proximity. In that way, these molecular tests can be a tool to help immunocompromised people back into the world and make multigenerational celebrations safer.

How to get a molecular/PCR test Outside of your home, your main options now are urgent care clinics and places that do testing for travel. In both cases, they’ll be expensive. In the case of urgent care, they’ll put you in the same space as all the sick people, who are now no longer required to mask in healthcare settings, so if you don't already have COVID, you might pick it up there. Fortunately, there are molecular (PCR quality) tests you can take at home.

Rapid molecular tests require a similar effort on your part as a RAT test. You’ll swab yourself and then insert that swab into a machine that gives you a result. There are currently just four brands of these tests available: Lucira, Metrix, 3EO, and PlusLife. Unlike RAT tests, you have to order them, although Metrix and Lucira tests are available on Amazon, and Walgreens stocks Lucira tests in select stores. For a long time, they were just too expensive for most people, so they were relegated to the likes of movie sets, law firms, and Google employees. Prices have gone down, so now they’re more accessible—as low as $10 a test. Here are your options.

Follow the link to see the full review with relevant links!

[golbrocklovely]

haven't done one of these in months, so i thought it was the perfect time to bring this back

here’s some of colby’s tweets from 2021.

if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him.

if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol

added bonus: if they have a * next to them, that means it’s been deleted

~~~~~~~~~~~

April 1 - just wanna make things right

April 4 - happy easter i’m hungover goodnight ?

@/mannymua733: 30 flirty and thriving

happy birthday!!! @/mannymua733: thank you my love!

fan: all manny wants from colby is this (video of colby grinding)

@mannymua733: that’s all i’m asking for colby if this is your b day wish i gotchu

hey if any of you guys have a semi truck could you please run me over with it thanks

@/deefizzy: Can i join the more the merrier !

April 7 - watch the time go by

there’s an angry squirrel in our backyard that tries to kill me every night

April 9 - i can admit that i have big commitment issues when it comes to relationships

April 11 - to the two girls i just met at chipotle … you made my day thank you for lifting my spirits i’m so grateful

April 13 - sometimes life just feels like a big dream to me it’s so hard to explain.

April 15 - who’s your comfort person?

April 19 - it’s hard to find things that excite me as much as they use to and i find that kinda sad. i miss being stoked about every little thing. wanna get that back

learning to let go

no matter what changes in the future .. just know i’ll remember the past

April 20 - i know you don’t believe it but i’d do anything for ya

April 27 - @/ohkailno: when im vaccinated im coming for u @/ColbyBrock

😈

May 2 - i got a PCR test yesterday that literally felt like they were trying to tickle the back of my Cranium

May 11 - fan: So you just gonna leave us hanging like that @/ColbyBrock (photo of him with the caption "it's time")

😏🖤

May 13 - @/katstuartmusic: should i make colby bald

no

May 17 - i hope you’re happy today i love you

May 23 - someone broke into our rental car in San Fransisco and they stole everything. but i’m most upset about my journal i’ve been writing in daily for the past 6 months… all my emotions, memories, details of life just gone. my 2021 story i can’t get back .. i’m heartbroken

@/lukewaale: duuude what :( that's messed up man, i'm sorry it’s all good man 💔 thanks for sayin something. gotta look at the bright side .. everything’s replaceable

May 28 - you can’t miss what you forget

(it's so clear to me now that this man was clearly going thru so much. this is when things really changed for him and how he interacted with us. it's sad to look back on this now)

June 19 - feels good to be back.

June 28 - fan: I FORGOT @/ColbyBrock IS AN UNUS ANNUS FAN SIR EHAT WAS UR FAV VIDEO

the one where they have a staring contest ! hahahah

[nico-nico-suavecito]

Trans Year of Gratitude

Despair mitigation in the face of unceasing tragedy - a reflection on the last year following the Club Q shooting.

One year ago on Trans Day of Remembrance, I was scheduled to speak at my friend’s church about the nonprofit I work for. I was going to talk about queer joy and trans youth and all the work the church has supported us in doing. Then, I was going to pick up my partner and we were going to drive to Phoenix to visit my chosen family there, with a stop in Santa Fe.

I woke up that morning to a deluge of text messages and notifications, asking me if I was okay. I couldn’t tell you which headline first crossed my vision that finally pieced it all together. Just the flash of words. Club Q. Shooting. Injured. Dead.

In the months before this, I’d been in a state of trans revelry. I was back on testosterone. I was experimenting with self-expression and letting myself be the alt boy I never got to be in high school. My friends and I were going out dancing each week. I’d just entered a T4T relationship and was head over heels in love. I’d just restarted the queer open mics in October after a covid hiatus and was excited for them to be a regular event again.

I still went to church that Sunday morning, for possibly the first time in years. I struggled to be present — I kept scouring social media for news, reading my friends statuses and comments. “Has anyone heard from…” “Can someone confirm if they’re safe…”

I still went up to speak. Through tears, I wondered at our holidays. Trans Day of Visibility. Trans Day of Remembrance. I felt so much rage, the kind of rage that is love at its fiercest. We deserve better holidays than this. We deserve trans days of joy, and love, and everything beyond survival.

When I sat back down in the pew, I opened my phone. I saw that Daniel, who had been to my house multiple times for hair cuts and parties and who I admired as an out and proud trans man in our community, was gone.

I broke down in the pews. As the congregation sung “We Are the Ones” by Sweet Honey in the Rock, I started to write a wishlist of everything I wanted for trans people instead of what we were given. I wished us everything from bleeding bigots to coffee in bed with those we love. That’s how trans day of i love you was written.

That day, as people were sharing my post to their story, I started collecting people’s additions to the poem because they gave me hope and gratitude.

On the way to Phoenix, my partner Brin and I cried, wondered at the future that was feeling ever more uncertain, and we sang at the top of our lungs with Say Anything - Alive! Alive! Alive with love!

That night, when we made love in a Santa Fe hostel, I felt a certain urgency. Life felt so precious, so fleeting. I wanted to devour her. I wanted to be swallowed up by beauty.

She woke up the next morning with a cough and chills. One positive covid test and a six hour drive later, and we were back in Colorado Springs.

Like last year, I am in my house today, quarantining because of covid. This time, it’s been near impossible to find a PCR test to confirm it. My rapid test was negative, as it often has been when I’ve had covid. Still, in trying to keep my community safe, I can’t go to any memorials. I’m writing this instead.

In the months following, I was often asked, in interviews, by allies, in loaded how are yous, about how things are for queer people in Colorado Springs in the aftermath of Club Q. Whether things were better now that Colorado Springs has double the rainbow flags on display than it once had.

I think people want to hear that things are better. Increased support for the queer community in the aftermath would help our human desire for life to have a narrative in which tragedy serves a greater purpose. But it doesn’t. People are dead who should not be dead. They should be here, living their lives, with countless moments of joy before them. People are alive and still suffering their wounds, both physical and mental, with insufficient support. The needs of survivors have been buried beneath greed. Queer- and transphobia continues to be alive and well.

I don’t go dancing without knowing the emergency exits. Hiring security is now an essential part of hosting queer open mic, and this precaution is also salt in the wound.

What I can also say is that this community is so strong. The queer people of Colorado Springs continue to organize, fight, and live with a vibrancy that inspires me every day. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

Still, following Club Q, the world feels more uncertain than ever. It’s an uncertainty that’s been growing — long before Q, long before covid, long before Trump.

It’s hard to look at the shooting in a vacuum. After all, every piece of anti-trans legislation that was introduced this year feels like salt in the wound that Club Q tore open. How can anyone heal when every day there is a new headline about a new group of people who want to legislate against you and people like you.

These years have begged so many questions, questions that many people in this country have been asking for decades: What does America hold in store for us? This country that cares so little for all its people that it would feed them to the maw of capitalism, a hungry god that can never be satiated? A country that let us down to the tune of one million covid deaths and counting? A country that shows time and time again how little it cares for the most vulnerable, with every mass shooting, every piece of anti-trans legislation, every new covid case, every instance of police brutality against people of color, every gallon of petroleum that will push us over nature’s tipping point, every dollar funding the genocide of Palestinians?

Recently, a friend of mine posted on Facebook asking how anyone can feel any peace and joy in the world these days.

I’ve spent the majority of this year trying to figure that out after years of burnout that, despite the fact that I have so much to be thankful for, had embedded a deep exhaustion in me that left me often anhedonic and withdrawn from, not only the world, but myself as well. I worried that this exhaustion would mean the end of my life-long career in activism and organizing at best, and the ultimate succumbing to despair at worst.

I am a person prone to despair, and have been since I was a kid. Not just sadness, but despair — a helpless emotion, a sadness without hope. I’ve always taken the world very personally. The first time I met depression and suicidality were in middle school when I watched An Inconvenient Truth. This started a year-long spiral, during which I was convinced that human beings were parasites destroying this earth, and as a human being, there was no way I could logically justify my existence. Despair has accompanied me since, even when I eventually realized that people are capable of immense love and beauty, and that the real drain on this earth is capitalistic greed and fascism.

I want to share here what has helped me as the case for despair has only continued to grow, in the hopes that it may offer a way forward for those who, like me, struggle at times to get out of bed, and who feel like they are often at the precipice of being consumed by said despair. And, as with everything I write, this is also a series of reminders to myself, as knowledge doesn’t always equal practice. I have been in a very despair-forward place lately, so I am hoping I might course correct myself in writing this all out.

I believe the three prophylactics against paralyzing despair are gratitude, hope, and action. I believe them to be three sisters unified in a dance, their chalices held to the air in service of joy. When I speak of joy, I don’t speak of the mythology of capital-H-Happy. I don’t think there is such a destination. I think of joy as a tool of resistance. I think of it as that which fuels us forward, in even the darkest of times.

If I am to continue to be an engaged and active resistor against that which seeks to annihilate all of us - corporate greed, bigotry, fascism, I can't be overcome by despair, despite being very prone to despair, as I've been for as long as I can remember. In that way, joy serves a vital purpose in the revolution.

Gratitude is a muscle I am trying to work out every day. I think we owe it to this world, this world that continues to be so full of beauty, despite all of the terrible things that happen within it, to try and be grateful for what is here and good right now. These moments — my boyfriend bringing me coffee in bed, the bird stopping by my bird feeder, sitting on the dock of the lake by my house, every time I go out dancing at the gay bar and nothing bad happens — these moments feel more precious than ever. I try to savor them, despite the knowledge that 1. terrible things are happening or can happen at all times, and 2. these good moments are likely to become more and more scarce for all of us if fascism and climate change progress at the rate they are. If I become overcome by despair with this knowledge, the reserves of my hope go unfilled and I can’t be of service to this world. So, I have to be grateful. I have to savor what’s good.

Gratitude also provides the foundation of hope. Hope is an intentional choice, and not one made easily.

“People speak of hope as if it is this delicate, ephemeral thing made of whispers and spider webs. It’s not. Hope has dirt on her face, blood on her knuckles, the grit of cobblestones in her hair, and just spat out a tooth as she rises for another go.” — Tweet by Crowsfault

Without hope, there is nothing to fight for. There is nothing to build toward. We have to have a vision of what can be. So many forces seek to take imagination from us, but we have to be able to imagine the future we want to build, not just the systems we want to dismantle. Admittedly, my imagination isn’t what it used to be — chronic stress has weakened it, but the gratitude that I am present with helps rebuild my imagination of what could be.

I am grateful when I see my trans friends happy and safe. What if all trans people got to be happy and safe. What if we could live their lives without an ounce of fear. What if we got to dance with abandon, without thinking of the emergency exits.

I am grateful when I see my trans friends have access to gender affirming health care. What if all trans people had access to gender affirming health care. What if it was free, and easy to access. What if that was the case for all health care for everyone.

I am grateful when I get to be in nature and feel how I am part of it, how I am, in the words of Alan Watts, “the universe experiencing itself.” What if we all felt that way. What if we all realized we create ourselves in the forge of how we love the world around us.

I am grateful for the organizers, the activists, the changemakers, the artists. What if the world was guided by people like them, people who lead with such a fierce love?

When I feel overcome by dread, it is their words that buoy me. One poem I return to often is Ross Gay’s “Catalog of Unabashed Gratitude.” If I go outside and listen to it and watch the birds, and the clouds, and the people pass by, I can mainline enough hope into me that I can at least do what must be done. Work. Love the people I love. Create. Organize and advocate. If I’m lucky, there will be enough beautiful things that happen that day that I can find more gratitude and hope to keep me going.

Hope and gratitude would be empty platitudes without action, the truest triumph over despair. I think that we all have roles to play in this world inundated with pain. I think we as a community are in the process of learning the power of our voices. The ways that we can amplify gratitude, and hope, and action in all we do, all we share, all we write, all we create.

I have started to see it as a cycle. Act. Act until you must rest and remind yourself of a future you can hope toward to motivate you. If you can’t envision a future you can hope for, be intentional in being grateful for what is so that you can see what can be. If you need to be reminded of what is, seek and create moments in your life that kindle the flames of your gratitude.

I say all this, and still, there are some weeks I can barely leave my bed. I always try my best, but my best isn’t what it used to be. But I have to try and try and keep trying. And gratitude, hope, and action, however foolish and futile they might feel at times, are the best ways I’ve found to try right now, so that we might be able to continue to fight like hell for the people we love, both dead and alive.

P.S. A note for you, reader. I am grateful you’re here. What if the world had more people like you? What would be possible then?

[vr-trakowski]

What bugs me the most is that they made it so hard to do the right thing

I got sick this week.

High fever, fatigue, chills, shortness of breath, loss of appetite. Some kind of virus. A lot, in fact, like the time I got COVID a couple of years ago.^

My OTC test popped negative. But - it took two days to go positive the last time. And I know the OTC tests aren’t always accurate with the newer strains anyway.

So I thought I’d better get a PCR test. Where to start? Why, with my state’s testing centers, of course. My wealthy, blue state.

Found the page. Link to the search is dead. The phone number’s disconnected.

Okayyyyy…on the county.

County site says “call this number”. Which is the CDC.

CDC at least gives me a live person. Why aren’t you asking your primary care physician? she says. Well, for starters, because I don’t want to walk into a room full of people most likely not wearing masks and potentially give them what I’ve got, even though they’re idiots for not wearing masks in public and particularly at a doctor’s office?

All right then, here’s a site where you can search for places offering the test.

They’re all pharmacies and the like. Apparently there are no testing sites left, at least in my area. Oh well, one of them is my pharmacy. Nice and convenient, even if it presents the same risk to others as the doctor’s office. Not like I have a choice at this point.

I go online and make the appointment. I’m very clear that I want the PCR test, not the OTC one. At least I can get an appointment later the same day.

Arrive for appointment. Breathless walking in from the very small parking lot, even with cane. Took ibuprofen to break my (almost 104) fever because an hour and a half of shivering with chills is ridiculously tedious, so I’m now soggy with sweat. Check in; have to wait about ten minutes but at least there’s an unoccupied corner.

Medical professional takes me into the appointment room and opens up the test…which is the OTC version.

No, I say, I wanted the PCR version.

Oh, you have to make an appointment for that.

I did make an appointment. I said so when I checked in. I specifically wanted the PCR version.

We go around this circle a few times and get no forreder. Finally I tell her I’ll take this test, in part because it apparently checks for a couple of varieties of ‘flu as well and I’ve already paid for it, but I want the PCR test.

Test done, she sends me out to wait for a bit, then calls me up to the counter. Spends about seven minutes on the computer (not her fault that I can barely stand at this point - standing is always harder than walking) and finally confesses that she can’t make me an appointment, there’s something wrong. Here’s a corporate number I can call, they should be able to help.

(This test comes up negative too, on all counts.)

Next day: I call the number. It’s one of those artificial person phone systems that’s designed to make it nearly impossible to reach an actual human, but eventually I do. I explain the whole mess, she’s sympathetic but I’ve ended up in the wrong area, she’ll transfer me to the correct one.

Which turns out, of course, to be where I’d originally gone in. This time I get to a point that tells me the only way to make a testing appointment…is online, or in person at the pharmacy. Not over the phone.

Somehow I resist throwing my poor phone at the wall.

The sites have failed me, the pharmacy has failed me. I call my primary care doctor. Sorry, they don’t do COVID tests.

The only other thing I can think of is urgent care. I call the one near me. Yes, they do PCR tests. I can even get a same-day appointment. Of course, my insurance hates this brand of urgent care, so I’ll have a copay and then a stiff bill later, but what choice do I have?

I manage to clean myself up a bit, and go. Traffic’s appalling (about two miles out of my way due to mismarked detours), my blood sugar’s in my socks, and the online check-in (on my phone, whose stupid idea was that, typing on the phone is slow and miserable) is absurdly repetitive. Certain information has to be entered at least three times and the choice of “have you been exposed to COVID-19” is limited to “Yes” or “No”, no option for “I have no fucking idea because people are stupid”.

At least they don’t make me switch out of my Flo Mask, which I appreciate deeply.

Finally, finally, a PCR test. They tuck me in another room to wait for the results, and while the TV in there (why does it need a TV?) is playing “Zillow Gone Wild” (gag)* it is at least doing so at minimal volume (I do look for a remote but I can’t spot one).** I can ignore it in favor of my phone, or drowsing.

PCR test…is negative.

I don’t need Paxlovid, I don’t need to worry about taking more brain damage from that wretched virus. I don’t need to isolate at home for a week, trying to WFH with a truly terrible Internet connection (it took two minutes for an email to send this morning).

I don’t need to worry about infecting my elderly, frail parents, or my immunocompromised friend, or my idiotic (affectionate) colleagues who don’t wear masks. I mean, sure, I won’t go near the first three until I’m recovered, but. But.

However.

It shouldn’t be this hard.

It took me two days to get this test. While dealing with the illness itself. A little bit sicker, a slightly higher fever, and I wouldn’t have had the stamina to keep trying.

I know. The cruelty is the point.

But still.

^Fever dreams are wild. I particularly liked the one with the bunnies.

*The commercials were interesting, though. Decent mix of ethnicities, and I kept seeing things like laundry detergent or ovens being advertised using men as well as women. I stopped watching commercial TV years ago so maybe that’s standard now, but it wasn’t what I was expecting.

**I really, really hate the modern trend of TVs that can only be used with a remote. At least put on/off and volume buttons on the device itself! And while we’re at it, any computer monitor that requires more than a blind button push to shut off is unnecessary. One of mine at work requires three separate moves to power down.

[whentherewerebicycles]

ugh I do not feel well today—tired tired tired and feeling pretty drained from the last couple weeks. I’m excited to see all my grad school friends but phew I will be glad to hibernate for a bit on the other side of this long weekend. also when will my sense of taste return from war… there are some random things I can still sort of taste (raspberries, corn) and some that taste/smell like nothing to me (yogurt, cinnamon, nectarines, greens) and then some that taste intensely and unpleasantly metallic (this falafel I ate the other day). it’s very unsettling!!!! I never tested positive for COVID but I had a whole day of exposure to my sister two days before she tested positive… apart from losing my sense of smell/taste the only other weird symptoms I can remember having in that window of possible infection are fatigue, GI issues, and persistent muscle/joint aches, but without really a feeling of “feeling sick” (I actually have felt much more “am I sick? I kinda feel sick”) this week. anyway whatever. I apparently can’t get a PCR test covered by insurance anymore unless I go to an urgent care for it and I’m not paying $125 out of pocket. I wonder if I should mask at the wedding or if I’m in the clear since I’m testing negative. mm whatever I’ll figure it out. onward…

I ended up having a pretty productive meeting with [redacted] yesterday, which was good! I am trying to avoid doing the thing where I form such a negative mental image of a person or situation that I lose the ability to see any of the positive interactions. making it really clear that I needed her to read/comment on the project plans before we met REALLY helped. I think I will just try to make that an expectation moving forward—like if she doesn’t have time to read something I’ll ask that we not discuss that project until the next time. I’m not asking her to read like 10 page docs it’s usually just a 1-2 page writeup so I think that’s a reasonable ask. she gave me useful feedback on which projects to prioritize and on how to identify & cultivate strategic partnerships that advance the work instead of spreading ourselves too thin making lots of small promises to lots of people. so all good. also she is soooooooo excited about this program we are going to pilot and I think that is earning me a lot of goodwill. I guess the higher-up chancellor is also really interested and has floated the idea of giving us $$ from discretionary funds to try out some of the more ambitious elements. I feel like I now have a clear sense of direction and have been given explicit permission to carve out time each week to work on program/curriculum development (my beloved). so that’s v positive!!

mmkay. I worked a bunch this weekend so I could take today mostly off to pack and run errands before the wedding. I have a long to-do list so I’ll do that in a separate post.

[deepdrearn]

Spending some days sick in bed with Poor Things, a book on narcissists and Duolingo. Haven't spent days in a row in bed since the last time I had covid.

And dear God please don't let this be covid. Because boy am I exhausted. 5 on a 1-10 scale of exhaustion when I wake up. My lateral flow tests aren't positive but it doesn't mean shit because I got long covid from an infection that was only detected with a PCR. And OF COURSE all PCR testing facilities in the Netherlands permanently closed a week ago, when I thought this was just a minor cold. So great, just great. The only thing currently in my power to prevent another bout of post covid, is resting, so it is resting that I shall do.

The "upside" is that it's given me a break from work, the stress of which I contribute as an inhibition factor for whatever viral infection this is. I know that the single way to make work less stressful is to stop giving a shit about my campaigns failing. Which is incredibly hard to me because running campaigns about climate was the one thing I wanted to do. And I wanted to do it well: energized, and energizing. I have seen many many campaigners do exactly the opposite: just going through the motions, not actually believing their work will have an impact or change the tiniest outcome. I hated that, it was so uninspiring, disheartening. It made climate action look like a chore.

I was going to be a campaigner working with grassroots groups, supporting their struggles and connecting complex local topics to the overall umbrella of European policy. This is exactly what I had pitched in my job interview. I just checked the expectations I wrote down in my cover letter: responsibility and autonomy.

But what is now my daily reality? I feel like a secretary to a 62 y/o man, posting blogs about whatever he thinks is important today. Any planning I have him agree on is undermined the next day because other "urgent" things have popped up. And when I tell him it's hard for me to work this way he just tells me it's not that bad and will later say that I "scolded" him. I'm a so called project manager for a campaign he has undermined from various angles now three times. A campaign that I would LOVE to work out well. It's fucking important. But this way it just can't. So... maybe time for me to finally read "the subtle art of not giving a fuck"?

[liu-lang]

round 3 ☹️ my rapid test at urgent care was negative even though all my at-home tests are positive …they explained their in-office tests may not be picking up this variant… so they gave me a PCR test in addition…which I’m waiting to get results of within the next 2 to 3 days. I had planned to go to the bay to see my sisters but now I’m debating btwn cancelling altogether or pushing my departure date back

[misscammiedawn]

Charmed! Recap Day 4 (Saturday)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 (you're reading it!) Part 5

AAAAAAA!!!!

I bolted upright, terrified and activated.

“It’s okay, Cammie. It’s 2023. You’re in Annapolis. It’s Charmed. You’re in a hotel room. It’s 2:30am. Everything’s okay. Go back to sleep.”

Puppet and Sleepyhead take such good care of me…

I fell back asleep. I wasn’t even certain that moment had happened, but my journal notes said “panic attack in middle of the night?” And I asked Sleepyhead, who told me her version of that event.

I woke again at 7:30am, took a test and got myself dressed for first event of the day…

Yoga with Copper!

A presenter I had a firm connection to ran the class and it was nice to have an event with Copper. The two of us remained close during the event and did our best. I’m a bendy bitch but my reach is kind of limited.

The presenter was another person I really wanted to catch up with this weekend as we had a friendship built up from when we both lived in the same state. Alas, this was not the best time for it as I had a 9am coffee date scheduled with Daja and Nath…

Charmed! Outfit 5: Miss Dawn's Default Attire For those who want to look exactly like their Tumblr avatar.

Which I dressed up for in my “Miss Dawn Default Attire”, which is the outfit all of the online art depicting me wears. Well. Most of it. Some of it has the red magician’s outfit I wore at Beguiled.

For the Starbucks run, Daja wanted to ensure I got to eat a proper breakfast and was eager to get some time with me and her Lady at the same time.

Unfortunately what didn’t work out with our plans was that the first Positive COVID test of the convention had been announced and it was someone both Puppet and Tigress had spent time with. Puppet, for a few minutes while masked and Tigress while eating lunch.

Though it broke her heart to do so, Puppet opted to remain in the room until 48 hours after exposure to take a PCR level test to confirm she was safe to continue enjoying the con. Good news is that I am posting this on Tumblr a week later and all of Oikos have received negative PCR tests. None of us got sick.

But I at the time I was worried about a LIFE CHANGING appointment which would not have happened if I got sick. COVID anxiety played a big part of my weekend.

The knowledge of that important appointment meant Oikos needed to discuss how to handle this. We decided that masks should remain on during demos and classes, no inviting people outside of our bubble into rooms (Daja/Turq are inside bubble) and any major play required tests before hand if possible.

Sleepyhead was booked solid for the entire day full of demos and fun. I was OVERJOYED that she was getting all of that…

Though I will write a little more about that later…

I pulled into the tail end of the hairplay demo class and sat next to Daja who cuddled me close and ensured I paid attention, even going as far as to forbid the nuzzle trigger from working for the next hour. She was interested in my reactions. The way I gasped and whimpered at the wall slams, the way I shied up at the neck nape grab. How I giggled and enjoyed one of the presenters hamming up her role and another turning himself into a wall for the demo bottom to be slammed against.

There was a Kodak moment in there. You had to be in the room. Or the online stream.

Hairplay is always a highlight for me any time I go. Daja was in Toppy space and was being playful. My reactions must have been feeding her.

“And, sweetling, when the next demo happens you’ll feel whatever happens to the demo happen to you.”

I whimper just to remember.

The presenter was showing off his D.A.N.G.L.E the most advanced hairplay tactic where the hypnotee goes limp and their whole weight is held up by the hair pull and…

In 2022 I wrote:

"Eventually Daja’s second demo came about. The Directed Angle Neutral Grip Leverage maneuver. Dangle. A tall grip where the subject goes limp in your group and is held up by their hair.

Daja later told me she went as limp as she felt safe to but she knows her body.

I know how gorgeous that looked. Outside of skill level, but I wanted that. I wanted it. I.

I wanted it."

Daja knew this and wanted me to FEEL this… and feel it I did.

Mmmm…I…

Oh… *whimper*

I just

*Whimper*

I felt it…

The class ended and we decided to go up to the room quickly before the Topping Is For Everyone class and my own Communication With Deep Self class.

I was feeling a little destabilized so told Daja that I’d be looking at my tablet, but I’d be in the room and present as she taught the class. I sat in the corner of the room because the person sitting next to me in the front row was enjoying a teaching lunch and I still had hospital stuff in the back of my mind.

It was a good class. Last time I attended it Miss Dawn was eager to learn all the ways that Daja enjoyed topping and use her own tricks against her. Those memories made me smile then as they make me smile again typing.

EnScenic reached out to me via Discord to say that she was looking to give me a gift and that we should meet up. I told her my location and she said she would stop by.

Daja spoke about how seeing Captain Marvel helped her utilize Carol Danvers energy to overcome any social programming about manifesting her power. She said that she is beyond needing that, but outright said “I have nothing to prove to you.”, which reminded me of a brat taming scene I had done with her once, and that made me smile. I love her so much when she’s bold and strong and sure of herself. I always love her. But my heavens that glow when she is firm and certain in her conviction and determined.

I am still beyond smitten.

She went over a little bit about the vampire fantasy which was going to end our weekend and how things were looking from her perspective.

I simply couldn’t wait. The way Daja went through my fantasy list and wanted to make them all a reality was just—

I cannot even begin to find words for how honored, flattered and overjoyed I am by everything from the weekend.

After the class EnScenic stopped by and handed me a hand drawn image of a Dalek yelling FRACTIONATE - FRACTIONATE!

I near died laughing when that image was posted online. Apparently EnScenic remembered my reaction because she went through the effort of bringing it to the con and hunting me down…

So many people did so many nice things for me this weekend…

I— I’m so happy to be part of this community. I’m finally home. I finally came to the party. I’ve always been welcome. I’m here. I’m happy. I’m home.

I want to hug every single person. Just squee about what they all mean to me. How humbled I am by their encouragement and acceptance. I may have cried again. I don’t know. I was all over the place.

After a quick lunch it was time for my class, Communication With The Deep Self.

Daja and Copper were in the audience as well as a Twitter community writer of whom I have great respect and admiration for and the gentleman who was being an issue on the Discord, along with a group of folks he seemed deeply engaged in conversation with, hyping up Ormund as the best hypnotist.

The Zoom coordinator hopped on and began to start the intro schpiel, it was quite loud. Loud enough that Daja plugged her ears.

It did not seem to dissuade the disruptive party from a conversation. They even seemed to be standing up and testing balance or measuring feet size. I was not certain. I was simply bewildered. I could not understand what I was seeing. The class had started. Please sit the ever living fuck down you *intruder*.

The class went okay. I feel I gave a better version of the talk a year ago, but I was discombobulated and in the wrong headspace for it. Dawn would have done a better job of it.

I recall explaining the concept of the mirror lake trance I use on Sleepyhead versus the “Ceiling Unlimited” version that I use on Daja. The concept is a complete and utter tranquil state of peacefulness. I used it on either of them to try and induce Esdaile. Succeeded in both cases.

Copper told me that I had misinterpreted the meaning of Ceiling Unlimited, but it’s okay because it likely matches the meaning of the Rush song I was pulling from.

I wish I had a better recollection of the class but it was a blur. I do not wish I had a recording for that one. Still wish I had one for the Presence class.

It proves that I need to tailor my output to be more akin to Presence.

Daja and I returned to the room and had a few quick scenes. I was still riding a bit of Top energy from the class and so did my absolute best to pounce her, pushing the “feel me” trigger as far as it could go. I was feeling fair triumphant but Daja appeared to be a loving brat and proved that she is not the only one who can stretch the “feel me” trigger.

As I pulled her in with a “Daja, Kiss Me!” And a Freeze, I enjoyed keeping her at the egde of my range. I then hypnotically bound her wrists to a surface and released her. Hung right outside of her ability to reach me.

“Feel me make you kiss me.”

…!

That!

She!

….!!!!!

UNFAIR! TRICKERY! THIS IS MUTINY. 

And that is how Daja successfully flustered a Fae.

And then made her sweetling go deep.

I tend to write “eclipse” as a descriptive in prose. For when someone stands above someone and engulfs their entire vision. To block out light and make the entire world a single focus that is the person commanding your attention.

Daja eclipsed me in that moment. She was delighted by how my eyes rolled up and asked for permission to take the photo above.

We paused for food and enjoyed a quick date before moving on to evening events.

With that, we prepared for the soiree. This was when the blue fire scene had been scripted to have happened, so I simply skipped the ceremony and used the forehead press to have her get dressed and pulled on my own outfit:

Charmed! Outfit 6: The Soiree

For lovely queer ladies who are going to the ball to flirt.

As we left the hotel room there was a Moment which feels too private for me to truly intrude upon. But Daja and I got to be there for a friend. I’m glad I was there. I am glad I could be of assistance…

Once that I accompanied Daja to the Soiree room but did not have much time to enjoy the queer ambiance as Sleepyhead showed up looking for me.

She did this because she is a good Dolly.

Earlier in the day she and I had discussed hitting the vendor’s hall together. I wanted to get her a lovely birthday present. That was always on the cards. My presence with her in the vendor’s hall was no longer a request, though. It was a neccessity.

See… while I have been off attending Topping Is For Everyone, teaching Communication With The Deep Self, having coffee and subs and curry— Dolly, sweet little thing she is, had been keeping herself VERY busy. Dollification class, fractionation class, memory play class, hypno-roulette…. she had been demoing nearly constantly since 10am.

I posted this on Twitter and I find it to be the most accurate representation of how Saturday was for Sleepyhead:

And so I hooked her arm and lead her up the stairs. I was in my most fancy outfit, wearing heels and a swooning blissed out dolly was leaning against me barely lucid enough to do more than sigh and murmur when I softly asked her to stay with me and follow along.

The vendors room was a very small part of my weekend. I doubt it lasted more than 30 minutes and yet I was able to fit in quite a number of potent memories. From bumping into a number of folks I had longed to speak to all weekend while dressed up in my best; to taking my sweet girlfriend around each stall to examine the wears while softly teasing her with little promises of what each item could be used for.

It is rare for me to get these pure dominant moments where I get to embody the style and grace of a Top in a non-scene space. She was so very sweet and tender and her passion for hypnotic trinkets was so refined. Every book on sale she owned. Literally every single one.

After a full cycle we discussed what she enjoyed and went back to look at the ones that she had her eye on. A necklace with a near Disco Ball level of sparkles surrounding it. “We’ll take it.” And I paid while she admired. Then another trinket, a sibling of the bottle I uncorked earlier that weekend.

I tipped Linny $10 extra for being responsible for my best scene of the weekend. I feel it was more than well earned.

Feeling dominant and confident, I lead Sleepyhead back to the room so she may enjoy a little more of her hypnotic reverie. Puppet, who was now taking her PCR level test, was still confined to the room. As I settled down, Puppet explained that Sleepy was intending to go stay with someone important to her and needed to prepare for that. The test pinged negative and I proved to everyone, including myself, that Bad Pain Days have incredible highs as well as lows.

See when I’m in a BPD day I am so overwhelmed by my own emotions that I cannot filter or apply appropriate levels of reaction to things. Typically this is set off by upset, paranoia or frustration.

It can also be sparked off by moments of love, moments of relief, euphoria. Even as I skipped through the day there had been several moments where I had cried and been torn asunder by raw emotion.

Puppet got the negative. Sleepyhead had the Most Perfect Day Ever.

I broke down in happy tears. Blubbering that I was so worried about Dolly.

About this time. Saturday night of Charmed! 2022, Puppet and I knelt side by side in front of our Goddess and were asked to, under no compulsions and free of any influence, give ourselves to our beloved Goddess.

That memory means the world to me. It was *special* it was *important*. But it was in the Oikos living room, in the light of a make-shift studio I created for the occasion. It was lovely. But it was not the plan.

It would have taken place in one of the classrooms. Surrounded by loved ones. Witnesses who loved Goddess. Witnesses who were overjoyed to see Puppet and I’s big moment of accepting our collars.

Omicron crushed that dream. Just 3 weeks before the event and that impacted all of us in ways we’re still not fully over, yet. When Beguiled happened, Puppet and I went rogue. We needed to be there for our sanity and mental health.

Sleepy refused to go. She couldn’t handle another dream being snatched away.

I was carrying so much worry that Sleepy’s anxiety would keep her from enjoying the con, but here she was, fractionated to oblivion and with even further evening plans. Puppet was not going to be confined any longer.

It turned out okay. It was alright. Thank heavens. It was alright.

I love them both so very much. I love them and I’m so glad they got to have this and no one can take it away from them this time.

So fucking happy.

I returned to the Soiree to finish up but it was *loud* in there. I sat on the outskirts of the room and chatted mildly with Joy but Miss Daja informed me that if I was uncomfortable, I should leave. She was proud of me for speaking up for myself earlier in the day, she wanted to ensure I was always rewarded for speaking up and seeking my comfort.

So I slipped out… around about the same time another friend from the local hypno-community did.

This person was someone I’ve not seen since March 2020. She was a member of the HYPE monthly hypnosis meet-up in Grand Rapids.

We bonded a little bit over old memories and for a brief moment I felt calm and comfortable. Like I *could* just start up conversations without shyness or feeling stupid.

After she left I confessed this feeling to Kitty Sylvie who was door dragon for the moment. 

And then I started crying again.

Because Sylv said such kind words about my presence in the community, especially online and then Psy just appeared out of nowhere backing them up and I was just left without words. Two lovely humans who I trusted and wished I were better at being open, casual and conversational with.

Perhaps in another world I would have stayed in that hallway. I would have opened up and made a connection with two people I actually *do* desire to know better. I would have channeled some of that adorable cuteness or that flashy performative charm or my level serious empathetic conversational energy.

In this reality, I let the tears win and I retreated to the room. There I ran a hot bath to activate physical extreme stimulus. Unlike some of my friends who go through this, I couldn’t be feeling rope bite tonight. Nor would I seek it.

Some music and heat will do the trick… and they did.

Daja IMed me to let me know that not only had the soiree ended pleasantly and she had met up with Tennfan. Thanks to some banter during the Topping Class she discovered that Tenn had enough training to handle drops and falls and things that Daja had assumed no one in the community was physically capable of doing with her other than the ONE PERSON SHE WOULD NEVER EVER EVER.

I was summoned to meet them after Daja had run a scene and listened to them chat a bit. Tenn is one of the 5 major asexuals in the community who I find trust and kinship with. 

Tenn and I really need to build a rapport and just get to talking. I may have to be the one to throw the first signal.

But that chat we all had was really nice. Really really nice.

Apparently the topic did not elude my devious Faelike nature because once Daja was free we snuck into my room for another scene. Puppet was enjoying post-quarantine freedom and Sleepy was away for the night.

Dawn *pounced*. To the point where Daja once again had to invoke the pact the two of us had made.

Sometimes I worry about going too far; understanding that, Daja made a promise that she would enforce our agreed upon boundaries if I do, so I can let go and enjoy the moment.

She enforced them then. I am glad she did. There is a certain level of “out of control” where I essentially hit trance state and for lack of better wording, my voice in Dawn’s actions goes away. It’s a liberating moment, especially when I think about it in her headspace, but it’s like throwing away the safety and I’m terrified of breaking something when I lose my over-controlled behaviors.

Daja is supplementing that and makes it easier to feel no fear. I am grateful to her for that.

After the scene was ended, I settled back to Camden space and cuddled her. I was still a little caught up by how INTENSE the day was and bemoaned how I hated that I cost her spoons to deal with. Spoons she needed for running classes and meeting partners and traveling.

Daja just told me I refill her spoons. She feels energized when we talk. When we play. When we’re together like this.

…what do I even say to that? I was lost for words. Well�� most words. I had a few left.

“I believe you.”

Daja tucked me in again and fed me a chocolate. We had another day of fun and games. Tomorrow would be the vampire scene. Tomorrow was worth looking forward to.

Part 5

[justaquickquestion]

I have COVID for the first time.

I made it this far without getting it. Still masking on transit, and in the store ... well, except when I lose my mask midday and I don't have one on the trip home. ...or when I put it in my bag instead of my pocket, and I think I've lost it, and...

The first symptom for me wasn't fever OR respiratory trouble. I had unusual inflammation, in particular in my gums, so everything crunchy was painful. I also had plegm in my throat for two mornings before I knew i was sick.

I woke up with a fever on Sunday, which only lasted 48 hours and got up to 102. I had a headache an body aches all over during that time. Also nasal congestion, which I treated with nasal spray for three days and that may have had the inverse effect overall.

Only on day four, Wednesday, did I get tested. I don't have any rapid tests at home but I was feeling much better and reported that I'd be at work the next day, and I'd take a rapid test there before going in. I was so sure I was doing better, I went to the store! I went to the store to test my stamina and get supplies for the work week that I'd meant to purchase on Sunday!

(This was foolish of me, of course, but I did wear a respirator and use hand sanitizer throughout.)

When I got home, I made chai masala syrup for my morning tea for the week, and discovered I could not smell. Tried everything in the kitchen, and found it was all like a breath of fresh air. (Vinegar, isopropyl alcohol, minced garlic...) That was when I walked to the urgent care clinic and asked for a PCR test.

Since Thursday, I've mostly slept. Like, 20 hours of sleep yesterday. I keep wanting to do things but when I wake up and eat and take my meds I immediately want to lie down again.

Breathing deep is painful, and doing almost anything leaves me winded.

Go get your vaccine, and please wear your mask.

[ninsiana0]

Covid cases are up, and home tests aren't as effective catching the new variant. I tested negative six times, but my Primary Care doctor is pretty sure i had/have Covid.

It was impossible for me to get a PCR test at the Instacare. They told me it didn't matter & that it was too expensive. But they're available at Walgreens & CVS.

Assume if you're sick at all that it is Covid. Stay home. Wear a mask if you need to go outside. And seek treatment as soon as possible, because after five days they will not prescribe you an antiviral.

I've been sick for almost a month. I'm having to go on a steroid inhaler, and am getting testing done on my lungs next week. So many people in my circles are sick, and still getting sick.

If you had Covid before, you're more likely to get reinfected. If you're reinfected, you're more likely to develop Long Covid.

The new vaccine will be available in a few days. Get it as soon as possible, particularly if you have any other conditions or have had Covid before.

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive (Daily updates!)

by Katherine Kahn

Since early in the COVID-19 pandemic, epidemiologic studiesopens in a new tab or window demonstrated that household transmission was a key driver in the spread of SARS-CoV-2. However, nearly 5 years later, less is known about more nuanced dynamics of SARS-CoV-2 viral transmission in households, particularly in the setting of evolving variants and pre-existing immunity.

Two studies presented at this year's IDWeek annual meetingopens in a new tab or window focused on leveraging genomic analysis to gain a better understanding of whether COVID infections in households represent transmission between household members or the introduction of new infections.

Household density, vaccine status of exposed household members, and individual immunologic factors are all associated with the spread of SARS-CoV-2 among households, said Kathryn Stephenson, MD, MPH, of Harvard Medical School in Boston, during a presentation.

During the Alpha wave, the secondary attack rate for household contacts -- the risk of transmission of SARS-CoV-2 stemming from a household index infection -- was about 36%, dropping to approximately 30% during the Delta wave, but then rising to about 43% during the early Omicron period, as reported in a systematic review and meta-analysisopens in a new tab or window.

Stephenson and her colleagues conducted a small prospective study in the greater Boston area during 2022, enrolling 38 households with a positive SARS-CoV-2 index case, identified on either rapid diagnostic testing or PCR testing.

Over the next 2 weeks after enrollment, 58% of 38 households had a second case develop among household contacts, and, overall, 39% of 66 household contacts tested positive over that time period.

However, in a strict subanalysis in which researchers excluded index cases that were PCR-negative on day 1 or contacts that tested positive on day 1, the secondary attack rate fell to 22.5%.

Furthermore, after performing genomic analysis to identify SARS-CoV-2 lineages with different genetic makeup that could not be caused by infection from the index case, that percentage dropped to 18.4%.

The finding indicated that although the most common source of infection was the index case, there were multiple sources of infection in over half of individual households, Stephenson said. Other sources for those infections likely included new cases introduced from outside the household, shared initial exposures with the index case, and other already infected contacts within the home.

In the larger, ongoing prospective CASCADIA studyopens in a new tab or window, Amanda Casto, MD, PhD, of the University of Washington in Seattle, and colleagues also used genomic analysis to look at the frequency of simultaneous circulation of multiple viral strains in households.

The investigators analyzed genetic data from weekly nasal swabs from children and adults ages 6 to 49 years in households in Seattle and Portland, Oregon between 2022 and 2024.

Of 1,103 households, 67% had at least one SARS-CoV-2 case, and 24% of households had at least one episode in which two or more participants tested positive. Of these, 7% of episodes involved more than one viral lineage, suggesting multiple introduction events.

"Before the widespread availability of viral genome sequence data, chronologically clustered cases in households were often presumed to be all secondary to intra-household transmission," Casto commented. "Now that genetic data are being integrated into a number of epidemiologic studies, there have been a number of observations of the simultaneous circulation of multiple viral lineages in households within a short time."

Of note, Casto and her colleagues found no association with certain household characteristics, including number of children or people in the household, or household income, which were associated with intra-household transmission.

When more than one viral lineage was present, the investigators also found no association with the presence of any children or children under 5 years of age in the household or with children attending daycare. Nor was there any association with location (i.e., households in Oregon vs Washington), any previous household illness episodes, or households living in apartments versus single-family homes.

What can we take away from these two studies? Household contacts of a person newly diagnosed with COVID-19 are certainly at high risk for SARS-CoV-2 infection in the following weeks. However, this may not only be due to heightened risk of transmission between household members, but also -- perhaps not so surprisingly -- to an overall increase in SARS-CoV-2 transmission in the community where different strains may be circulating.

In other words, "infection within the household can serve as a proxy for broader risk for community transmission, emphasizing importance of public health measures inside and outside the home," Stephenson said.

Casto noted that "in the long run, [genomic data] will really help us refine our understanding of the conditions under which intra-household transmission of respiratory viruses occurs and does not occur."

Studies: jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/article-abstract/2774102 jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2791601 bmjopen.bmj.com/content/13/7/e071446.long

[halflifedecay]

Depressive rant about game art jobs then divulging into health anxiety. more under the cut. feel free to disregard

Depressive and negative thought: sometimes I don't think I'm cut out for professional game art.. most concept art job apps almost always say "lead" or "senior". If they don't, they require 5 or more years of experience with a shipped game under your belt. They expect you to be a wizard of 2D and 3D tools. There is just so much to learn to be an employable concept artist these days with so little time left over after working to simply give myself a few dollars. It feels almost unattainable unless I get incredibly lucky and land a gig. i just wanna draw and more importantly, learn and grow.

I have to preface that i am incredibly fortunate to live with my partner who does support my career as well as financially. I do realize i have the luxury to focus on my work even if it means it does make me much, so long as i continue to work on it. but even with luxury of time, it still a struggle to make quality portfolio work while juggling a million otherprojects and personal things.

My parents still call me on the phone asking if I've been looking for jobs, I do but these job apps are dreadful as I've mentioned. I think why bother when I don't qualify based on these requirements.

Sometimes I wish I can just do my silly little drawings for myself, and do part time jobs, but I learned the hard way, that life is not for me. I did it and I was miserable, i worked 30 hrs a week and i barely had the time or energy to give to art. i feel behind enough as it is being 27 with no job prospects I don't really possess any other discernible skills to apply to a different job. I've made and accepted the choice of making art my job, and that means i may not want to do art all the time bc i am not 100% confident in my skills all the time. im working on being more confident so i can hit the ground running on what i need to do. I can't give up, I love art and I've put so much time, passion and thought into my craft.

Aside from getting a job that allows me to do something I love, I get a salary with, hopefully, good health insurance. I don't know if this is the state of US healthcare now, but in my area, its hard to find a PCP who isn't booked into the next year, and then the first one you get an appt for, cancels on you literally 10 mintes before the scheduled time. and so ive had to wait a couple extra weeks. My health anxiety lightening up leans on doctors to tell me i am infact, not dying, and no, i dont have a tumor bc my lungs and muscles feel funny sometimes. I catatophise about my health so much, im in this vicious cycle of random symptom occuring > becoming anxious > new symptom occurs or becomes worse bc of anxiety > sometimes these symptoms go away on their own > they dont > anxiety ensues. so these past few weeks, i occassionally get this voice that tells me im gonna die bc i am not 100% okay, just waiting for the day i can see my PCP and be told whats up. this isnt the first time this has happened, and when i do get checked out, it is something pretty normal and managable. i really want to see this PCP next week, have it be not much of anything, laugh it off, and just go back to drawing in peace and heal.

but for now i have to sit with that anxiety, and think, why do i feel this way. for starters, i started with my mother being anti-vax, im not going to even get into that now, then covid; fear that i got it at some point and i didn't know it (i never had loss of taste and smell, but did get sick a few times, and my rapid and pcr tests were negative). what if i did get covid and i am experiencing long covid? hence why i have random symptoms all the time? that amougst getting older and generally being pretty uneducated about what happens to your body after 25! i eat well, i stretch, i go outside and walk, yea i could absolutely exercise more, my mental is pretty good, i have a loving and supporting partner and family, i make art for a living, im still young, breathing and still making shit, why can't i get rid of this anxiety that im in terrible health.

that is all, any more and then i start worrying about it not being rambly, fixing errors, not the point here, just want to vent.

thanks for reading.

[idledoll]

If anyone's wondering, I've disappeared this week because I am utterly overwhelmed and massively depressed about the state of covid safety I'm stuck in at the moment. My mother came back from Michigan after months of us hammering out exactly what she needed to do to keep us safe, both while there and when she got back, and immediately proceeded to do precisely none of it, or if she did, only did it halfway. This is still ongoing; today's battle seems to be to convince her to go get a fucking PCR test already (she forgot the test she was supposed to do on Thursday and now she's lost her debit card and is making, "But I don't have any symptoms and I've taken THREE of the rapid tests that I know you keep telling me are next to useless, so come onnnnn, I'm so tired of this [keeping you safe]" noises, so I'm probably going to be paying for the test just so she gets it, wiping out every last dollar I had for the rest of the month).

Also, I have an outpatient test I will need to be sedated for on Monday and I just found out the hospital doesn't have a mask requirement anymore. I thought about cancelling, but I'm just going to go and do it so that I don't have to again for five years. Haha, hope a basic preventative test doesn't kill me because the hospital has stopped doing the modern day equivalent of washing your hands to prevent disease spread!! Hope I don't die of medical neglect later on because I have to choose between basic medical care and risking covid!!!

So uhhhh, yeah, for the time being, for my own sake, I am retreating into comfort media and ignoring the world at large, which doesn't give a shit if I die because they don't want to go through the trouble of not killing me.