#Nesha Watches Infinity Train

[peoplewatchingbyneshatriumphs]

Sometimes, people have been there, but it takes you a moment to notice them..

[neshatriumphs]

I'm gonna dress my cat in a toque is hot fire. Y'all really don't be encouraging these kids. 😭😭😭

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

BFCD Reviews by Nesha: Grace Monroe & The Infinity Train on HBO Max

Disclaimer: Post includes spoilers and also, this viewer does not deem Infinity Train as a children's show and my views are not subjected to the idea that this is a children's show, but I do regard the characters as children.  

I’m not a psychiatrist. I haven’t taken a psychology class in many years. My work with children has been primarily trauma centered children, and I haven’t worked with typical children for a decade, so most of my opinions are from my personal life experience, my work experience, my children’s rights advocacy and activism, and the guidelines from my childcare specialist work for children in the system in the state of Texas. I don’t have a lot of information these days on typical children and I don’t know the culture of children all over the country or world, but I basically know a little something about traumatized children.

And as always, be nice, because I can be mean too (and will). 😉

Special thanks to @i-am-a-passenger for listening to me and being a SOUND sounding board for my thoughts through this experience that was season 3 of Infinity Train.

To be honest, I thought that it was extremely brave of the creators to go the route that they did with the story line. Not everybody can be saved is a take that we don’t see nearly enough, and whenever we do, usually a POC, oftentimes a Black girl is on the losing end of the tale. That didn’t happen here and despite some problems with some of the way that things played out in front of us, it was STILL a monumental moment for many fans and Grace’s redemption arc was valid and reasonable, so I loved it and I live for it. Now, I’m gonna give my review of the season and what I noticed about the characters...

First off, I think that the writing of this season was phenomenal. The style of the way the story was told impressed me from start to finish. There were moments that I didn’t expect, but I understood from a writing standpoint and for the characters presented. I’m not a professional writer, but it’s been a passion since I was 7 years old, so I have some experience with passion for writing and stories and a great narrative is my WEAKNESS, and I do believe that Infinity Train provides great narratives. 

This season has been my favorite thus far. I would have appreciated it for the story content, even if they had switched the characters’ arcs or went in a different direction with the redemption arc, but the fact that I was able to see an example of a Black girl being able to BE HUMAN, at my age - 38 - is still such new content that I was honestly overwhelmed by the simple fact that the creators decided that this Black girl was worthy of not only redemption, but the attention to detail and consideration was enough for me to love this season.   

The girl in question: 18 year old Grace Monroe, whose been on this train for something like 7 years.

It’s rare to see a dark skinned, brown skinned, Black girl with natural hair be shown in anything but stereotypes and/or plot devices for other characters. This character has a story of her own. A beautifully written and fully realized story of a child who got confused, made bad decisions, did terrible things, learned the truth, and sought to change.

Whenever we first meet Grace and Simon, she’s announced as the leader of the Apex, and Simon is announced as her second in command and given the credentials from her, “I trust him with my life.” Something that is later a bittersweet thought as he becomes the biggest threat of her life since she got onto this train. They’re clearly very close and only seem to disagree on how they respond to negativity.

One of my favorite things about Grace was that she was given layers. One of my LEAST favorite things about Grace was that she was given unfair head canons by the fandom extremely early on (all of which nobody ever proved but remained diligently devoted to believing). 

In this season, when the two are taken out of their comfort zone and traveling with outsiders, Grace and Simon are faced with lives that they haven’t thought about previously and wind up choosing very separate paths. Honestly, these paths they went on made perfect sense to me. I see both of them as traumatized children without any guidance and while one of them is very careless and reckless (Grace), the other is deliberate about what he does and has goals and plans. 

The biggest influence, I think, was their interactions with denizens prior to forming the Apex. Grace admittedly never got to know any while Simon was betrayed by one whenever she left him behind to potentially die. Simon carried this rage inside of him while Grace had nothing but apathy to guide her attitude of the denizens. Grace needed attention and she was able to get that from Simon and the Apex, so she made a life built on what that gave her.

While Grace tends to seem to try to sweeten the issue or charm people. Simon is more short with others and a bit rude. They handle things much differently, though they have created a lifestyle together and formatted a society of children that they lead.

All too frequently, if a character looks like Grace, she is there as fodder for whoever her (usually white) counterparts are. But Grace has a unique situation in which she shares center stage with her white male counterpart and we watch them develop together from two peas in a pod to mortal enemies. It is a sad separation, but one that felt necessary for the direction of the story. But here’s why Grace matters so much, despite the fact that she and Simon built a child army and killed we don’t even know how many denizens:

Grace changed for the better. When both of them met and got to know a denizen, she began to change. She didn’t understand it at first and took some time to admit to herself that she was even changing. She thought that something was wrong with her because her number was going down and that wasn’t supposed to be how it was. What she thought was that it made her look weak and she didn’t want Simon or the Apex to see her that way.

And saying that Grace changed for the better is sort of shaky, too. Because Grace wasn’t a bad person to begin with. She was a child who got on the wrong track. Going from being extremely alone to having one friend to having hundreds or however many Apex kids of followers changed her for the worse, but she was a good kid at her core. She was lonely in the real world and she acted out, then wound up on this train, had a life changing event by having to see “The Conductor” and translate what happened to her as someone saving her, and she went on to help save others, or so she thought, to some degree. 

Whenever she saved Simon, she had literally no reason to, other than she saw a kid in trouble and she knew she could help.She had just as little life skills and social skills as this kid in front of her, but... he was crying and she reached out to try to make him feel better, reminding him that even though life on the train was hard, he was alright now. Then, another life changing thing happened - Simon noticed that her number was higher and asked her how she got it so high. She knew just as much as him, and said that she was really good at life on the train, and the way she took that ghom out - she wasn’t completely wrong, but them being children and having only time and their limited views started a cult.

What I found interesting about this memory was the fact that Simon was telling Grace’s story for her. She tagged her charm onto it, but Simon (the writer of their laws and apparently a trilogy that not even Grace, who likes to read things wanted to read while they were besties) is telling the story to the kids. Probably embellishing, and Grace loves to be noticed, so she keeps this up until they’ve formatted an entire belief system. It was basically just I presumed whenever I questioned the reputation this fandom gave Grace as a manipulator who filled Simon’s head with hatred for denizens and Apex theology.It confirmed that people were wrong about her, which unfortunately didn’t make them change their minds, but they ain’t gotta. Grace lived and Simon died and that’s how this turns out sometimes.

I was able to at least acknowledge that his death was atrocious and it’s very unfortunate that he didn’t change for the better. He wanted control. He wanted power. He wanted to reign. Those things were more important to him than believing anything that went against his ideals. They were more important than Grace and his relationship with her. Meanwhile, Grace, up until even after he was gone cared about him. She defended herself whenever he attacked her, but she tried not to hurt him. She even tried to talk to him and he once again refused to listen. She saved his life AGAIN, and he still tried to kill her. Despite it all, when he was gone, she cried. Her friend was gone. Another life had been taken, and life meant something else to her now. 

Even paper birds mattered now, and thanks to that difference inside of her, she didn’t die. But, I expected her to. Not even because it would’ve made sense or helped the story in any way, but because that’s how it usually goes for characters like her, characters who LOOK like her. The fact that it didn’t brought tears to my eyes. This season was amazing. This ending was amazing. This character was amazing. I’m so pleased with it and it was more than I expected, because instead of setting expectations, I let them tell me the story. They did an excellent job.

I've been asking people since she first appeared in season 2 why they thought that Simon was some helpless and she was this dominating figure that bossed him into this lifestyle and mostly it came back to her higher number. i didn't think we were being shown that, so I've been suspicious every time someone has suggested that Grace got Simon started in this or taught him this and now that it's been debunked, I'm even more irritated with the suggestion that her redemption doesn't make sense or wasn't right. 

The thing about Simon was that he seemed fine. He seemed innocent, at times. He seemed like someone to sympathize with... What a lot of his fan base doesn't seem to realize is that is the case with every abuser. That is the case with many killers. Bad backgrounds and hard times coming up don't make for an excuse. Just because I GET his personality, doesn't mean he deserves respect or consideration. But then, we have Grace, on this other end who can't even get the recognition she earned through her decision making when she literally had the same childhood as him whenever they got there. Idk. Shit feels suspicious to me to not acknowledge Grace's redemption as well written. And the idea that Simon was doing these things for or because of Grace was proven as untrue, so there should have been a shift in her favor and there wasn't and my god that's some top shelf bullshit to me...

People frequently speak of Grace's manipulating Simon, possibly because they haven't had to try to use what you have to smooth someone over. The fact that Grace has been consoling Simon since they were children (THEY WERE CHILDREN), Because I see "Simon is a child" everyday, and always speak of his trauma, like Grace had none and like she's not the same age or near it. But, that's another thing that gets done to Black girls - they're aged up in people's prejudiced minds and expected to be more accountable than their peers. This GIRL has been repeatedly blamed for the issues of her friend.

And her "betrayal?" A lie she told to preserve life.

Simon proceeds to use her tape against her, leave her trapped inside of it (knowing it was dangerous, because the cat told him), sow lies about her in the Apex, pressure children that she knew to kill her, literally tried to beat her up and murder her, and kicks her as hard as he can after she saved his life AGAIN... He still gets more grace than Grace from the audience. I don't think people see Grace's humanity. People even assumed that her number was higher because she killed so many denizens... Like literally every wrong move doesn't affect numbers. And when faced with the story, which gives us a vulnerable Grace with flaws but also compassion, she's still been sidelined by fans of the show and nobody has given me any good reason as to why, so you already know, like we been knew. 😒

People have even tried to downgrade Simon's toxicity towards her because she led the Apex (and these people pretty much had similar things to say as people who didn't believe that my ex sexually abused me because of some examples of me being strong while arguing with him)...

THIS was triggering as fuck, but I've barely seen a PEEP about it. I'm going to presume that problematic takes of Grace are from a place of discrimination and dehumanization against another Black girl character like fandoms usually do.

But that just makes her matter more.

Good job, Grace. I knew there was good in you all along, and I didn't have to make up anything about you in my brain. ♥️♥️♥️

*Grace mourning a man that just tried to destroy her multiple times for telling a lie to keep him from killing a small child...

SPEAKING OF... The man double kicked her off that damn train in front of the kids AFTER they all saw her rescue him. Them kids might be messed up because of the Apex, but you can't tell me that Simon ain't further fuck them up with his reign. At least we know Grace was always nice to them. I'm glad they'll have each other to figure it all out.

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

I'm not actually sad for her, and I'll elaborate more later about it. I'm excited for her. She's on the path to healing that we wish for everyone to be able to get on to. Sometimes the path to healing starts with such a tremendous hurt that there's nowhere else to go but to rise up and I honestly believe that Simon was that for her. (Or rather, losing Simon).

It's painful to lose the ones we love, but sometimes we just can't bring them with us and as sad as it is that Simon didn't get the redemption that we might have wanted, it's a reality for many people, and for several kids. Simon had become a danger to Grace, even rejecting her moments of trying to save him again and it was very clear that he wasn't likely to forgive or change. She would have had to distance herself anyways, based upon his refusal to accept her in her new state of mind.

Grace has a lot of growing and learning and healing to do to be okay, but she's been given the chance to do that, when her fate very well could have been death. And we even see that her turning over a new leaf means that she now has a support system to help her through making her amends and fixing what she and Simon started (as evidenced by the origami birds coming to her rescue). The religious parallels of the old self dying and a new self being saved wasn't lost on me either, but that's another long ass conversation altogether too.

Long story short... I'm not sad for Grace. I'm happy for her. She finally gets the healing she needed when she got into the train. I'm sad for Simon. Not because I feel like he was wronged or poorly written or anything of that sort, but because he could've healed with her, just like he grew into the Apex mindset with her, but he couldn't let go of it and ultimately it destroyed everything good that he had and could've had.

Okay but what happens to grace now?

Hazel is gone. Her friend of so many years is dead. She's stepped down from the role of leadership that meant so much to her and was definitely a huge part of her identity given that she came from a household where people neglected her, so the purpose she had for so many years has gone.

What does she do now? How can she move on from what happened? Get off the train and go back to her family who neglected her and made her feel like she had to be perfect? Go back to a world she hasn't been part of for years? Grace stepped onto the train around 9-10 and hadn't been in school since- now she's the age you're supposed to go to university or get a job at. How will she intergrate back into society?

How will she live with the guilt of what happened to Hazel? The trauma of what Simon, who she'd trusted for so so many years, did to her? How can she ever believe in friendship after that betrayal? How can she ever trust anyone again?

Is she going to stay with the ex-apex kids? Or go off on her own? Will she try to find Hazel? Will she go home?

What happens to Grace now?

[neshatriumphs]

Saloon Samantha's design.

[neshatriumphs]

Wayment Min Gi. Don't be a dick. 😤 Ryan tryin his best and that was absolutely sanctimonious.

(Me, flipflopping on the boys because what kinda shit was that Min Gi?)

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

I had a little chuckle when I realized that Grace is drawn with lips but Simon is not. 😂😂😂

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

I TOLD Y'ALL SIMON WASN'T SHIT!!!

I told y'all n*ggas! I told y'all n*ggas!

What I said? I said he's the hardass and the enforcer.

I told y'all.

ME @ SIMON RIGHT NOW

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

I very quickly and seriously need y'all to decide if Simon and Grace are kids or if y'all gon' seek out and share smut of them? Because these two things shouldn't be existing within the same folks.

Some of y'all are kids yourselves, but some of y'all are adults that consider them kids but you still want smut of them? How dat work?

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

Oh! Yay! Alexandria is finished 🥺 Now, I have the model for if I need to try to draw her.

“You don’t recall how it started. All you can remember is watching the fire creep and crawl its way around your home, leaving its mark on everything you knew and claiming it as its own. That night, you saw your future burn, reduced to a crumbling pile of ash and dust. But still the fire demanded more. 

That was a long time ago. The little girl who once feared the flames is gone, and in her place has risen someone stronger, someone new. You command that same fire that took everything from you, setting the world ablaze and remaking it to your liking. You see now that creation and destruction are one and the same.”

SHE IS DONE!!! OH MY GOSH I LOVE HER– okay but Alexandria holds a special place in my heart. And like, yeah, all of the People Watching kids do, but ESPECIALLY her. I love her. …I mean, of course I do, because Nesha always does a fantastic job. 😂😂😂 

Anyway, I would die for her, and I’ll be drawing Sunny next (who I would also die for)!!

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

People Watching Extras || Red Flags Moodboard

“Grace could’ve sworn that she saw a chorus of red flags being twirled around before her. Dancers, circling her and performing tricks with them. She was never one for rose colored glasses. She learned a long time ago that those weren’t for her… so these were red flags. She also knew that she often saw red flags where there were white ones. Because she didn’t believe in surrender, only blood for blood. She was angry in general, and usually seeing red.” 

- Excerpt from People Watching

I thought I posted this AGES ago, but I can't find it on the page, so I guess I didn’t. 

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

Yeah, I still been drawing a little bit this year, when I have a moment to breathe. 

So... in the story, Grace is doing some crimes, but on a more organized level than in the cartoon. She still wears the mask, but she also puts them locs away in a scarf or headwrap or tam hat or something, so I tried to do her with a headwrap and the canon mask. Y’all can judge whether or not it worked out. 🤷🏿‍♀️

Grace Monroe St. Catherine of AU Infinity Train Fic People Watching

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

People Watching Extras

[blackfemmecharacterdependency]

Meant to post this here, but don't feel like reposting.

...........

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If I don't see Simon get DRAGGED for that shit the way Grace was dragged last season for her shit...

If I don't see retractions from people that labeled Grace a stern manipulator and Simon her less hard sidekick...

If I don't see outrage for Tuba like I saw for Tulip...

Y'all can all kiss my natural Black ass.

[peoplewatchingbyneshatriumphs]

People Watching TV Series Promo Idea

You’re the One I Want Cover by Lo-Fang Plays:

I got chills, they’re multiplying (Simon seeing Grace in the bookstore, working) 

And I’m losing control… (POV, we’re watching Grace go to the flower shop, coffee shop, walk to the subway, etc) 

Because the power you’re supplying is electrifying…

(Series of flashes of Grace, smiling and things on each of her social media accounts)

You’d better shape up, because you need a man, and my heart is set on you

(Series of flashes of Simon, looking through her social media, ending on her accepting his friend request)

You’d better shape up. You better understand, to my heart I must be true

Simon’s reaction face to seeing (what the Apex does, but not showing the audience what the Apex does)

You’re the one that I want…

The screen becomes static of a surveillance camera glitching on the pages of a book flipping, then title shows a red poppy falling down with the release date

People Watching on AO3

[neshatriumphs]

This episode, their dynamic in it, and the impact is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO underrated. If you ever had somebody you thought you could trust be right next to you going through something and they have ZERO sympathy, no empathy, then they antagonize you and when you're vulnerable and frustrated they mentally attack you...

This episode was one of the most realistic depictions that I've ever seen of that type of anguish. I had years of that from someone and the way this cartoon that y'all lie to yourselves and say is for kids so accurately showed me images of my own life from 18-early 20s with a toxic, traumatized man that I thought loved me for whatever reason.

I'm still shook by this episode. My skin was crawling. Had he been able to get into my brain and cause more damage...