#Nadine Van Der Velde

[briarrosefromthedead]

Munchies (1987) dir. Tina Hirsch

[roskirambles]

Horror Comedy of the Day: Critters (1987)

The Brown family is an ordinary one, living on the rural side of Kansas. So they take breakfast like any other morning, unaware of the looming threat: a pack of creatures that escaped the Intergalactic Prison Asteriod-sector 17 and are on their way to Earth, with two alien bounty hunters on their tail. They're vicious, they're terrifying! They're… furry balls from outer space? Really? We're meant to feel scared by tha- oh shit, they're carnivorous. And smart. And they can shoot venomous needles! Run for the hills!!

It’s a little hard to explain how big Gremlins (1984) was when it came out, inspiring more than a few imitators with their own variety of small monsters even a few decades afterwards. But strangely enough this film is NOT one of them, starting pre-production before that film came out and requiring more than a few rewrittes to avoid the most similarities once they were beat to the punch. With that out of the way, what the movie does right still gives it a proper sense of identity, not in small part because the film is shamelessly more juvenile. There's more profanity, the human deaths are certainly more graphic, and the general tone feels like a more cheeky take on a slasher with a sci-fi twist.

Aided by at times dated but for the most part really solid special effects, the little monsters tip toe the line between strangely adorable and threatening little shits. The bounty hunters fare similarly, they're effective at killing the creatures once they have them in front but their attempts to blend in always lead to hilarious results(not in small part because the townsfolk aren't a paragon of intelligence either).

It may not be the smartest or most resounding sci-fi horror flick of the 80's by any stretch of the imagination, but it's clear it was made by people who enjoyed themselves and as a result is hard not to follow suite.

[rhettakins]

After Midnight (1989)

Dir. Jim Wheat and Ken Wheat

Coeds swap scary stories with a professor (Ramy Zeda) teaching a course in the psychology of fear.

[movie-titlecards]

Munchies (1987)

My rating: 2/10

Bafflingly inept on almost every level. This makes Hobgoblins look good by comparison.

[atomic-chronoscaph]

Munchies (1987)

[ajaxvrouwen]

[mrsdawg4908]

Critters: 1986

When strange fuzzy creatures from outer space arrive on a farm, the Brown family -- Jay (Billy Green Bush), Helen (Dee Wallace-Stone), their daughter, April (Nadine Van Der Velde), and their son, Brad (Scott Grimes) -- must fend off the malevolent little aliens. Two bounty hunters with superhuman abilities follow the aggressive beasts from beyond, but the warriors aren't terribly effective, leaving the Brown family to battle the fur balls and rescue April from their clutches all by themselves.

https://youtu.be/9V3YGz-u2Ts?si=UPFLmL4mLYuKrDIP

[soundtrackalley]

Soundtrack Alley 167 Critters

Today on Soundtrack Alley, I’ll be discussing Critters from 1986. It’s a horror Sci Fi movie that created 6 total films but four that actually matter. Here is the basic plot…When strange fuzzy creatures from outer space arrive on a farm, the Brown family — Jay (Billy Green Bush), Helen (Dee Wallace-Stone), their daughter, April (Nadine Van Der Velde), and their son, Brad (Scott Grimes) — must…

[moviesludge]

Someone posed the question “what’s your favorite horror movie prank” on Twitter, and this is one of the first ones that came to mind. From AFTER MIDNIGHT! It’s a fun lesser known anthology horror movie. Look at Marc McClure’s acting chops. Guy is underrated!

Also, be careful who you try to scare, even if you “mean well” because they might FUCKING DECAPITATE YOU. Happy April Fool’s day ya bastards!

[esperwatchesfilms]

Critters (1986)

ESE: 95/100

50 +5 for smart little Crites +5 for believable sibling rivalry -5 for faking illness poorly -5 for hitting April’s butt instead of the Coke can +5 for Chewie the cat +10 for “Power of the Night” +5 for the cute crites +5 for Brad’s bravery +5 for the Johnny Steele bounty hunter +5 for the crite trying to befriend an E.T. stuffed toy +5 for growing crites -10 for crites exploding their home +5 for crites exploding themselves +5 for Chewie surviving +5 for house rebuilding and mailbox cat

[80smovies]

[badmovieihave]

Bad movie I have After Midnight 1989 aka The Old Dark House

[trashvideofinland]

Glufz / Munchies (1987) Esselte Video / MGM/UA Home Video https://www.videospace.fi/release/glufz_vhs_esselte_video_mgmua_home_video_finland

[lee-at-the-movies]

Critters

(1986)

Director: Stephen Harek

*Some spoilers*

Critters starts off promising. The first thing we see is a giant asteroid floating through space. I love the way the practical effect looks and they actually do a nice little piece of world building on the asteroid. It’s an intergalactic prison colony of sorts which the critters escape from. Two shapeshifting space bounty hunters are tasked with catching them. Pretty good set up for an 80s movie, you would think. Then we get to Earth.....Right away it seems like it’s setting up to be a movie for young boys about a young boy blowing up cool monsters with fireworks, but the kid’s weird fireworks obsession is totally under-utilized.  Why is he so obsessed with fireworks anyways? He takes them everywhere. That’s creepy. That’s a school shooter red flag. I wasn’t into him from the jump. The bounty hunters were kind of cool, but they’re so stoic. I know the stoicism was central to their character. I’m just pointing out that two characters almost devoid of personality wound up being the most charismatic characters in this pointless downgrade from Gremlins. I will say that the bounty hunters and the whole extraterrestrial aspect of it does set the plot apart from Gremlins slightly. On the other hand, it just winds up grouping itself in with a shit ton of other generic 80s movies that deal with various degrees of alien nonsense happening to and around small town Earthlings. 

There’s a part where the giant critter, which we never actually see, grabs the daughter’s right tit and it really does look like a giant Gremlin arm. The critters do look compelling and well-made in still images, but the puppets themselves are very inexpressive in real time. The Gremlins puppets said a lot with their eyes and facial articulations. The Critters do not. In fact, they speak in subtitles to make up for it, but don’t ever say anything worth reading. They basically just say things like “fuck!”.

Like many 80s comedies, being a honeypot is this movie’s biggest problem. It could get a way with being an unnecessary Gremlins clone, if it at least fulfilled its promises, but it’s a gip. The Critters never even ate, let alone killed, anybody on screen apart from the ritual sacrifice of the douchey 80s movie boyfriend! They bite a few other people on camera and there is the implied eating of one cop, but that is all. Not nearly enough carnage. The promotional material makes the Critters seems like they’re going to engage in a genocidal scale of violence, but nope. They basically just harass one family. It all takes place in the dark too. Critters is relatively toothless for a horror comedy about toothy little aliens that eat everything in sight. Crittters is a lie.

 What a shit movie. Fuck Critters.  I won’t be watching the sequels.

Verdict: 👎 

The makers of this movie claim that they had this idea before Gremlins came out. Whatever. That could be true, but Critters is still a dollar store version of Gremlins. Which is disappointing, because I swear I’d spent half my lifeplanning on eventually seeing this movie. There are a dozen better 80 movies revolving around plucky young boys fighting off little monsters. Skip this and watch The Gate or just good Ole Gremlins. 

[davidosu87]

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