#NW speaks

[northwestofinsanity]

A little thought, since I mentioned the DeviantArt thing on my Tumblr anniversary post a couple of days back (but not the point I want to eventually make a larger post on -I'm still figuring out how to articulate that).

So, on this day in 2017 (seven years ago), I was on my first day, post-throwing my first DeviantArt account into official hiatus on the night of February 6th as a last-ditch effort to break free from a character-based roleplay friendship/partnership that became toxic, controlling, and emotionally abusive. I woke up on this day in 2017 from the weirdest, symbolic dream. It was the most vivid scene of walking around my old high school building, in which the whole thing was empty, save for a few broken fixtures left behind. Symbolic of this empty space in my life after throwing this thing out. At some point, I ran out of the building, and there was something that happened to me, which, for the sake of those who might be triggered by it, I won't describe -but it was suggestive of getting rid of something unhealthy in my life. And then, despite the disturbing images in the dream, it ended with me looking to the sky, and between the grey clouds, the sun was still shining. Despite how screwed up everything was.

There are a lot of nuances to my particular experience that left a lot of grey area, and obviously, feelings don't disappear overnight, so there were a few weeks of grieving -the worst of which hit a few days on later. I don't remember much about this day in 2017, aside from that it was a bright, sunny day that just felt so weird in my state of shock.

With this past fall, finally reaching the point of peace where I can look back on this time and not blame myself in some way for it, and not feel any regrets about it... I've realized life has come full circle in a lot of ways to what I was dealing with then. In 2017, I was in my first year of college, watching my grandfather go down with heart failure from miles away from home (he lost his battle one week after I got home from the end of Spring semester). Here in 2024, I'm finally in my first year of veterinary school, back in the same town, I've got three family members in hospice, and I don't know if my grandmother's dementia battle is going to hit its end before or after I get home from this semester. I’m watching another online community I was once a big part of slowly melt down -perhaps one I became far closer to than the one I’d been in on DeviantArt. Maybe that hasn’t been with as much nasty, divisive drama -albeit there has been some nasty gossip at school the last couple of weeks that hasn’t been the easiest to hear. Not much in life has changed at all, really, for that many year's difference. It's not easy, still, but it is easier to deal with. Not because anything has changed, as I once thought based on how some people have described. It's just easier to accept and put into perspective, and maybe not necessarily stop caring entirely, as the cynical viewpoint would say, but better knowing how to limit how much I do care when it's not worth the stress -or just something that’s out of my control.

And as I was walking outside in the waiting period between lecture and lab earlier this afternoon, I noticed it was one of those bright, clear days -just like that really odd day in 2017. And it reminded me of the one coherent thought I could tell myself back then.

“I'm still here, and the sun is still shining.”

And I still am here, and the sun is still shining, and while it seemed like the bare minimum first step at the time, I don’t think there was ever anything as beautiful as the sun in the sky today, finally reaching the other end of the journey.

[bluntbambzie]

I think about this a lot

Nightwing 1996 - issue 19

[thefluffyrailway-official]

𝔾𝕌𝔼𝕊𝕊 𝕎ℍ𝕆'𝕊 ℝ𝔼𝕋ℍ𝕀ℕ𝕂𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝕊ℍ𝕀ℙ𝕊!!!

𝙴𝚡𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚕𝚢! 𝙵𝚕𝚞𝚏𝚏𝚢'𝚜 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙 𝚍𝚘𝚞𝚋𝚝𝚜!

𝚂𝚘, 𝚊𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠, 𝚒 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙 𝚁𝚎𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚌𝚊 𝚡 𝙵𝚕𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚂𝚌𝚘𝚝𝚜𝚖𝚊𝚗. 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚊 𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚙 𝚒 𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚞𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎, 𝚒 𝚋𝚎𝚝 𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚜 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚊 𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜. 𝙰𝚗𝚍, 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚑𝚎'𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚑𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚜 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚜 𝙶𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚘𝚗 𝚊 𝚕𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚘𝚘, 𝚑𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚎𝚜𝚗'𝚝 𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚛𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚜 𝚞𝚜𝚞𝚊𝚕.

𝙱𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗. 𝙸'𝚟𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚠 𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚢 𝚂𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚢 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚌𝚊 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚏𝚏. 𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝚃𝙷𝙴𝚈'𝚁𝙴 𝚂𝙾 𝙲𝚄𝚃𝙴 𝚃𝙾 𝙼𝙴 𝚃𝙾𝙾

[the-overanalyzer]

something horrible happens and even though it isn't his fault Sam feels tremendous guilt and self-loathing anyway but does a fantastic job of hiding it behind a cheerful goofball facade until Rich drags him to some new warriors meetup or maybe a big crossover fight and Robbie just immediately sniffs him out because that's his thing and now Vance has to try and explain to Rich/the champions why it's not creepy for speedball to be chasing their friend/surrogate little brother around with a net and nobody's in trouble and he's actually just trying to make him go to therapy

[jonsnowunemploymentera]

I think something that often gets overlooked when we talk about what Jon would've done had Ned disclosed RLJ before he joined the Night's Watch is that Jon isn't going to the Wall solely because he's Ned Stark's bastard. He's going to the wall because he's Ned Stark's bastard who has no prospects, or so he thinks.

“I forget nothing,” Jon boasted. The wine was making him bold. He tried to sit very straight, to make himself seem taller. “I want to serve in the Night’s Watch, Uncle.” He had thought on it long and hard, lying abed at night while his brothers slept around him. Robb would someday inherit Winterfell, would command great armies as the Warden of the North. Bran and Rickon would be Robb’s bannermen and rule holdfasts in his name. His sisters Arya and Sansa would marry the heirs of other great houses and go south as mistress of castles of their own. But what place could a bastard hope to earn?

(Jon I, AGOT)

As far as he knew, all his siblings had a future. But not him.

Knowing of his parentage doesn't really change much. Think about it. It's not like he can take to King's Landing, show up in front of Robert and be like, "hey that's my chair you're sitting on!" He'd need to actually press his claim and that's a whole new can of worms: who would believe him? Who would even want to fight for him? Can he even make it? Plus it definitely seems that those involved in the whole ToJ fiasco were determined to keep him and his claim under wraps so Ned is for sure not going to want another war.

The biggest factor that contributes to Jon going to the Wall is that Ned never bothered to let him know that he had options, and that he would be provided a future that was most fitting for his skills and status. It's understandable that Ned's trauma prevented him from speaking too much about Jon's situation, but he also needed to approach the problem more delicately and with a lot more foresight. Ned needed to sit down and actually talk to Jon because his situation out of all the Stark kids' needed the most attention. But he never did. And so Jon had to grow up quick and make the fateful decision on his own.

[storfulsten]

brooo this is fire what the heck

dope as hell whitty song letsgooo

[strangeispowerful]

I'm taking a break from posting on tumblr.. it's causing me too much anxiety. dm's and asks are still open- but I won't be posting art or much of anything else for a bit. :( ily nilfruiters and various goobers! hopefully will be back soon.

[dapiando]

crying at 10am i hate these people sm, and i still have to power through an office christmas party later today.......I'm like literally god's strongest soldier

[neeasworld]

if therapists finger fucked your throat while talking to you then maybe i would actually go to a session

[claitea]

pokemon sleep is supposed to be just a silly little pokemon themed sleep tracker. why does the ost for the old gold power plant go Unreasonably hard

[ankhlesbian]

I miss seattle but i really somt have ny reason to go back

[asterssunzephyr]

Nature Wives Fans, weve won.

If you havent seen Shelby's newest ep/her finale, please leave the post. I wish not to ruin or spoil anything for anyone and have backlash on my page via the mistake you chose to make after reading this warning.

Im inclined to believe all Nature Wives fans are Taylor Swift fans too and if not then too bad bc you wont change mind about this, In actually just right(this is a JOKE people.)

Anyway, so we got our happy ending Nature Wives AND a few days ago we got the Speak Now(Taylors Version) announcement⁉️ bro we winning.

[wrdn-tabris]

once again making au notes 😔

[bakuen]

doubt.png

[staravya]

I think yj birdflash is the only ship I’ve associated so heavily with the phrase “i miss you like a limb” tbh

[nobodysuspectsthebutterfly]

#sansa tells the truth? lady still dies because cersei was obviously not concerned with the truth #robert steps in and decides the wolf shouldn't be killed? ok. lady dies later after bob and ned are off the picture #what if we go back in time and avoid the quarrel between joffrey and arya? lady still dies in the future because cers wasn't about to have #her hostage walking around the red keep in the company of a great northern beast #rip baby girl :( #literally a baby girl like she was just a puppy :(

no asoiaf character has ever been more doomed than Lady the direwolf. with most characters you can always rationalize their fate with "oh if they had done this instead of that then things might have been different they would still be alive the war wouldn't have happened etc etc". but with Lady there is just no plausible scenario in which she doesn't end up dead by the end of agot :(