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goyongtrash · 4 years

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Looking for Juan del Pilar

A long post on what records say about Gregorio del Pilar’s little known relative.

Disclaimer: Any opinions stated in this post are based on my interpretation of the sources I found. If there are more decisive sources, feel free to send them my way. This is also cross-posted as a long Twitter thread, with revisions done on this version.

Very little is known about Juan del Pilar. Even Carlo Cruz, the actor playing Juan, mentioned that material about Goyo’s cousin are lacking.

In the movie Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral, he was first introduced as the cousin who shot at Goyo’s group swimming in the river. According to Vicente Enriquez from the Kalaw biography, while some swimming and shooting did happen, the relative wasn’t named.

“I have never seen Del Pilar nervous except once in Dagupan. The following happened: During one of our inspection trips, some Spanish prisoners had attempted to escape in a boat to bring them to an American ship anchored in Lingayen Bay. As a result of this, Del Pilar ordered that from then on the mouth of the river should be guarded.

One day, Del Pilar, Arellano (who was paymaster), and I decided to take a dip in the river. We told nobody about it. From one side, we heard somebody ordering us to halt. But we paid no heed, and instead we jumped into the water. At this, we heard shots, bullets whizzing near us. Obviously, our own men had mistaken us for the Spanish soldiers who have attempted to escape. I saw Del Pilar very pale for the first time. The official who ordered the volley of shots - who was Del Pilar’s relative - was punished for this imprudence.”

Which first led me to think that Juan may be fictional. I actually asked Direk Jerrold during a Q&A if Juan is fictional or not. To which he replied he’s a real person and pointed us to Simeon Villa’s journals where he was mentioned.

But before we go to Villa’s memoirs, let’s start with the “Juan H. del Pilar” who was listed as the godfather of Goyo’s youngest brother Jacinto (from the Kalaw bio):

On June 30, 1878, between four and five in the morning, Felipa Sempio gave birth to a son who was baptized with the name Jacinto, on the 3rd of July by Father Jose Vera. His godfather was Juan H. del Pilar.

It wasn’t explicitly mentioned but, given the name and date, this “Ninong Juan” was most likely an uncle.

In fact, Marcelo and Fernando (Goyo’s father) actually had a brother named Juan. An 1895 intel about Marcelo’s associates listed him as a lawyer and a stenographer of the tribunal (probably in Bulakan and yes the Spaniards were keeping tabs on them).

Juan del Pilar: about 42 years of age*, married, scribe and third-rate lawyer, is connected with the Tribunal as Secretary.

Brother of Marcelo, co-worker in La Solidaridad and cousin of Luis del Pilar, propagandist of that paper. [...]

In the last months of the term of the previous municipal administration, he was dismissed from the Tribunal by verbal order of the Provincial Government, which was able to produce complete proof of his anti-friar and anti-religious conduct.

In his dealings, he is cunning and shows that he is not only anti-friar but also anti-Spanish. There should be previous information about him.

*GT admin’s note: I don’t think this Juan was just 42 years old during this time. Juan was an older brother of Marcelo and the latter should be 45 years old by 1895.

Indeed Isaac Cruz (in his Goyo biography) lists “Juan H. del Pilar”, alongside other siblings of Marcelo del Pilar, to have joined the Propaganda Movement.

And from the same biography, Cruz actually names this “Tio Juan” as a Captain who served on both revolutions against Spain and America *gasp*

Juan H. del Pilar was a fiery Propagandist and worked with his brother Marcelo during the Propaganda movement. He joined the Revolution against Spain and later against the Americans. He served as a Captain.

So does this mean the movie got it wrong in portraying Juan? Perhaps not. Which now leads to the question: Where did Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral get the idea that this Juan was a younger cousin?

They probably got it from Jose Enriquez, a Tirad survivor and a younger brother of Vicente Enriquez (Jose wasn’t portrayed in the movie). From the Kalaw biography, he said it was him and “Juanchito del Pilar” (Goyo’s cousin) who informed Aguinaldo of Goyo’s death.

“When I heard someone shouting ‘The General is dead!’, I mounted my horse, and escaped. I met Emilio Garcia, Juanchito del Pilar (Gregorio’s cousin) and Inigo de Jesus on the way. Juanchito and I went as far as Cervantes in order to report the incident to Aguinaldo.”

Prior to Tirad, Kalaw already mentioned about a then-Lieutenant Juanchito del Pilar who was enlisted under the Del Pilar Battalion. This means that this Juanchito participated in sieges leading to the Liberation of Bulacan on June 24, 1900. It’s possible he was promoted to a Captain after the liberation.

“But Juanchito can be someone else!” you might say.

This is where Vicente Enriquez’s account comes in. Still from the Kalaw bio, Vicente mentioned a “Captain Juan del Pilar” present in Tirad and was with the company of another captain, Emilio Garcia, who was also mentioned from Jose Enriquez’s account. These two were in charge of constructing trenches.

“While the group was in Angake, Captains Juan H. del Pilar and Emilio Garcia constructed trenches in Tirad utilizitng General de Pilar’s plan.”

“As I reached our trenches above, I found Captains Juan H. del Pilar and Emilio Garcia and some soldiers, who informed me that soldiers in the trenches below had heroically and successfully resisted heavy shelling of the American cavalry.”

Unless there were two Juan del Pilars in Tirad, then I am very inclined to think that “Captain Juan H. del Pilar” and “Juanchito del Pilar” are the same. There is no info on who the father of this cousin was but if there were several Juans in the family, the nickname of “Juanchito” makes sense.

Also, Jose Enriquez’s statement (that it was him and Juanchito who told Aguinaldo about Goyo’s death) is somewhat supported by Simeon Villa’s memoirs. He mentioned there were two officers who informed Aguinaldo on what happened in Tirad.

December 2, 1899: At 5 o’clock in the afternoon the honorable president received a verbal report from two officers coming from Mount Tila*, to the effect that the Americans had taken all our trenches in Tila; that General Pilar had been killed by being shot through the head; that other soldiers had also been killed; and they, the officers, were sure the Americans must be in Angaqui at this very hour. According to the statement of the officers, General Pilar died at 10 o’clock a.m.

*Mount Tirad

And speaking of Simeon Villa’s memoirs he mentioned “Captain Juan del Pilar” several times and so did Telesforo Carrasco (the Spaniard) in his memoirs. For the next parts, I’ll be combining entries from both Villa’s and Carrasco’s memoirs.

At the first part of Villa’s memoirs, he mentioned a Capt. Juan H. del Pilar as part of the Sixth Company of the First Bulacan Battalion.

Do note that even if Juan may not have been explicitly mentioned in some entries, he should’ve had the same arduous and perilous experience as everyone who was with Aguinaldo during his escape.

On December 16, 1899, Villa notes that Aguinaldo called for a council meeting and Juan was part of it. Interestingly, he didn’t seem to have an opinion of his own.

At 6 p.m. the honorable president named the following as members of a council to take place this night, viz: Colonel Sytiar, Señor Barcelona, director of the health department; Villa, sub-inspector of the staff; Majors Jeciel and Gatmaitan, and Capt. Juan H. del Pilar. [...]

Having explained all these things, the honorable president then asked Captain Pilar what opinion he had to express. The latter replied that he had no opinion to express, but that he agreed with the honorable president’s declaration, but Colonel Sytiar answered this, saying that Captain Pilar’s answer was not to the point, as we are all under the honorable president’s orders and ready; what was desired was that the Captain Pilar should freely express his own personal opinion. On hearing this Captain Pilar replied in the very same phrases he had first used.

By February 1900, after a grueling trek, Aguinaldo and his group set up camp somewhere in Isabela. There, they experienced relative peace and have settled into a routine which involved horse racing in the afternoons. And yes, Juan or rather his horse participated in these races.

February 8, 1900: In the second race the horses of Señor Villa. and Captain Pilar were started; Señor V's horse gained from the start and finally, won.

February 9, 1900: The honorable president started out at 9 o'clock in the morning to examine our outposts, being accompanied by his adjutant, Lieutenant Carasco, Senor Villa, subinspector of military hospitals, Captain Pilar, and a squad of cavalry: he returned about 12;30 o'clock, quite satisfied over the good spirits of the soldiers.

At 4 o'clock in the afternoon, as customary, two horse races took place. The first one was between the horses of Señors Jeciel and Pilar. It was hotly contested by both horses, but Señor Pilar's horse won by a length.

February 10, 1900: Speaking of our life in this camp, it may be reduced to the following: All awaken, on sound of the bugle, at 5 a. m., and arrange everything in order, so that at any given moment we will not have to preoccupy ourselves with anything but our defense. At 7 o'clock we have breakfast, after which each one gives his attention to the duties assigned him. At 12 o'clock, we take dinner or luncheon. Afterwards we rest a little until 3 or 3.30 o'clock, at which hour the horse racing commences. At 6 o'clock we have supper.

[...] At 4 o'clock the horse races came off, the first one being between the horses of Señors Jeciel and Pilar, in which Senor Jeciel's horse won.

On March 16, 1900 (probably in preparation for Aguinaldo’s birthday), Juan and his soldiers were tasked to look meat and salt. They came back after 3 days, not only with inadequate meat but prisoners as well.

By the order of the honorable president, this morning at 5 o’clock 25 soldiers, under command of officers Del Pilar and Valentin, set out for the Gullayen settlement to secure in said settlement some 20 carabaos to furnish us all meat, and likewise some salt, since for some days we have been eating neither meat nor salt, though we have never been in want of rice, which exists here in abundance.

March 19, 1900: Our soldiers who, on the 16th instant, went to Guilayen settlement came back this afternoon at 2 o’clock, bringing the honorable president one carabao and one [goat]. They had been unable to secure the twenty carabaos, as was their intention, since these were not to be found. They also brought with them as prisoners two Christians, captured by them in the mountains before reaching Guilayen, and suspected of being American spies.

On March 21, 1900, Carrasco talked about Aguinaldo’s birthday preparations. Juan was to deliver a speech.

Our mess hall has been completed; likewise the mess hall for the troops, which is in the shape of a triangle. I have bidden the head of the rancheria to bring me three or four jars of basi, for the fiesta to be celebrated tomorrow, on the occasion of the birthday His Excellency the President. [...]

Speeches to be delivered by Dr. Barcelona, the marques de los camotes, Señor Bautista, Captain Pilar and Sergeant Luis. In response to all this, as finale, the Honorable President thanking everybody.

On Aguinaldo’s birthday, March 22, 1900, both Villa and Carrasco didn’t mention specifically if Juan was able to deliver a speech but the following entries should give you an idea what happened on this day.

Villa: Then, on account of today being the birthday of the invincible chieftain and liberator of the Philippines, all the officers and soldiers who are accompanying him on these mountain journeys have come to congratulate him since yesterday evening at 5:30 o’clock; and 25 soldiers have organized a band of music, using as instruments the bamboos musicong bombong [sic]. Their congratulations were solemn and imposing, because the honorable president, after receiving them affectionately, offered sweetmeats, cigars, and wines to all [...]

Carrasco: After the meal, Dr. Barcelona and other officers spoke [...] After the speeches the National Anthem was played, and then we retired.

Still during Aguinaldo’s birthday. Villa mentioned about the Bulacan Battalion getting emotional because Barcelona reminded them of Gregorio’s death. I think it’s safe to assume Juan became emotional because he was a relative.

The happy meeting broke up at 1:30 o’clock, all the soldiers having gone away satisfied as far as their stomachs were concerned, but not so morally, because Señor Barcelona, in his toast, told them that as Bulacan soldiers they ought to imitate him who was their general, the valiant Gregorio del Pilar, who died on Mount Tirad while defending the person of the honorable president. As that general was greatly beloved by all his soldier (the Bulacan Battalion), these on hearing Señor Barcelona’s expression were reminded of how he had died, and many of them burst into tears.

On April 16, 1900, Carrasco noted that a memorial for Goyo was held. Juan was one of those who read elegies for the fallen general.

As had been agreed on, we held on this day the commemoration in honor of General Gregorio del Pilar. At noon we all gathered in the troops’ mess hall. At the center was the table for the chiefs and officials and at the head of the table was a floral wreath with this inscription: “To the ill-fated General Gregorio H. del Pilar, who died heroically on Mount Tilad during the battle of December 2 last, this offering is dedicated by his brothers and companion in arms.” After the meal, Captain Pilar, Lieutenant Bautista and myself read elegies in honor of the departed general. The Honorable President then pronounced an eloquent oration, after which we all retired to our lodgings.

On May 20, 1900 (or May 21 depending on which journal entry you refer to), Aguinaldo’s group was on the run and had encountered American troops. Some soldiers belonging to the Sixth Company (specifically Lieut. Lucio Valentin), of which Juan was part of, went missing. It is unsure if Juan also went missing during this time.

Villa: The soldiers on the first and second companies of the Bulacan Battalion looked after the safety of the honorable president, and by their bravery prevented the enemy’s advance until he got away. In this fight our casualties were: Second Lieutenant Morales killed, two soldiers wounded, and Lieut. Lucio Valentin of the sixth company and some soldiers of the same missing.

Carrasco (May 21, 1900 in his entry): At around eleven a.m. we moved to the rancheria of Asibanlang, leaving in Sanga an advance guard under the command of Lieutenant Lucio Valentin. At around six p.m. we heard that the enemy was in sight. [...]

Soon after, the firing began where the advance guard of Lieutenant Valentin was; and moments later the firing started in our own line, commanded by Commandant Geronimo Gatmaitan. When the foe saw that all of us on horses were escorting His Excellency the President, they concentrated their fire on us, for which reason the President bade us leave the scene.

On May 22, 1900, Villa noted that the soldiers who went missing last May 20th were reunited with Aguinaldo’s group. However, they were confronted by Americans who didn’t immediately fire at them. They escaped to the woods.

About 12:30 o’clock, on reaching a river near a mountain ridge, we observed a number of armed men on the top of the ridge. Viewed through the glasses they appeared to be wearing black shirts, but when we saw them deploy as skirmishers in our direction we were quite convinced they were our enemies. So we had to come back and abandon our trip to Magapasi. We then turned off to the left to ascend a mountain ridge which we saw, having left the Fifth and Sixth companies to protect the retreat of our honorable president, who before his leaving placed the soldiers in good strategical positions. The honorable president also gave instructions to the captains of the said companies relative to the direction in which they should retreat in order to find him.

After marching for an hour we saw one of our soldiers following us, and calling to us. Then we waited for him. When he arrived he told the honorable president that the soldiers we had seen deploying as skirmishers on the mountain ridge were our soldiers of the First Bulacan Battalion who had separated from us on the night of the 20th. We returned at once. Great was our pleasure on meeting our soldier companion of the rocks. After chatting for an hour we resumed our former direction toward Magapasi. This was 2 p.m.

On the Americans ambushing them:

The honorable president did not know what to do, because in front of us were the 300 Americans at Tabog, forming a cordon; on our left 300 more Americans from Tuao, who were also in cordon, and to our right and rear were the 4,000 (sic) who were pursuing us and who had corralled us among the mountain ridges. How were we to save ourselves? While we were going back along the road we had come, the honorable President, Señors Villa, Barcelona and Pilar were engaging in a discussion as to what direction we should take, and whether we should be able to get through the hostile military lines. Each one was meditating on what should be best. Finally, as there was no time for so much discussion, the honorable president said that it would be best for us to simply hide in the thick woods in those places, and that from then on we would travel no more by day, but only by night, so as to avoid being discovered by the Americans.

The next entry from Villa that explicitly mentions Juan was on July 6, 1900. Juan was part of the council of a trial for a deserter. The deserter was given a death penalty.

There came up a trial in the camp this morning the case of Junior Maj. Geronimo Gatmaitan, a deserter from the escort of the honorable president. [...] In view of these grave offenses the honorable president this morning ordered all the field and line officers in camp to form a council to deliberate as to what penalty ought to be inflicted upon the said major. The council was composed of Maj. Raymundo C. Jeciel, Capts. Juan H. del Pilar and Ildelfonso Villareal, and First Lieut. Tomas Magsarile and Teodoro Dayao, Señor Simeon A. Villa presiding. The unanimously agreed that the penalty should be death.

By late August 1900, a major responsibility was given to Juan. Aguinaldo appointed Juan as military commander/chief of guerrilla of Isabela. Carrasco was put under Juan’s orders. And after two months of spending time in the Tierra Virgen camp, it was decided that Juan and other soldiers would not go with Aguinaldo and operate as a guerrilla unit. Here are the following entries supporting his appointment and the change to guerrilla tactics:

August 20, 1900 (A letter from Emilio Aguinaldo, addressed to the commander of forces coming from llocos): On arriving with your forces in these provinces, you may commence operations by guerrillas in any part of this valley with authority to attack and surprise the enemy without waiting for superior orders, establishing your temporary camps wherever military strategy demands. I inform you that the following are chiefs of guerrillas: of the province of Nueva Vizcaya, Captain Joaquin Velasquez; of Isabela, Captain Juan H. del Pilar; and of Cagayan, Major Carlos Ronquillo, each one of whom has the same authority as that which I now confer upon you, without detriment to the preservation of military discipline between you conformably to orders and good harmony as true brothers and defenders of a common cause, and in case of attack acting in combination, should circumstances require it.

August 20, 1900 (Villa): A report was received from Gamu informing us of the arrival of many Americans at Aparri, and the 8 very large rowboats were en route to this section.

The honorable president, wishing to avoid the attack of the Americans, decided that we should leave here and take the direction for Palanan, carrying only 16 guns, the others to remain in charge of Captains Pilar and Villareal, who stayed behind to engage in a system of guerrilla warfare in this province.

August 21, 1900 (Carrasco): A letter I received from Captain Juan H. del Pilar at seven in the morning declared that he was on his way to the Third Camp on orders of the President. When he arrived there, I presented myself to the President, with whom I had been in conference, and he told me, among other things, that I was to put myself at the orders of Captain del Pilar, who had been told to be at the service of some guerrilla force.

Afterwards we spent a good time jesting with our colleagues in camp; and then I retired, to await the orders to march.

August 25, 1900 (A letter from Emilio Aguinaldo, addressed to the principal chiefs of the Katipunan who command forces in Isabela): Señor Juan H. del Pilar has been appointed the military commander of the province; you as military commander of your pueblo will place yourself under his orders.

August 27, 1900 (Villa): Everything being conveniently prepared, in order to cause a failure of the Americans’ plan to attack, we at 5:30 a.m., abandoned this camp of “Tierra Virgen,” after having lived there peacefully for two months and twenty-one days. Capt. Juan H. del Pilar, chief, and Señors Villareal, Carrasco, Catindig, Subido, Ruis de Leon, and the greater part of the soldiers remained behind in the province to operate as guerrillas.

Despite the news and shift to guerrilla tactics, the following entries from Carrasco show how he and the other soldiers spent nights chatting and jesting in Juan’s quarters before leaving Tierra Virgen.

August 23, 1900: In the afternoon I marched with the company of Lieutenant de Leon to the Third Camp, where I had been summoned. On arriving there, I found all chiefs and officials assembled in conference, which I joined. Afterwards we set to composing a circular, which was the purpose of the conference. We spent the night chatting and jesting in the quarters of Señor Juan H. del Pilar, where also lodge democratically the Messrs. Magsarili, Perfecto, Villareal and Subido. There we stayed to sleep.

August 24, 1900: I have spent the day writing circulars, finishing at six in the evening. Like the night before, we spent this night in the said house and again we had a session of jokes and politics.

From August 28 to September 16, 1900, Juan and his group moved out from Tierra Virgen and carried out operations as a guerrilla unit. Carrasco, for the most part, was ill.

August 28, 1900: On this day we transferred location, establishing a new camp in the same forest but in a more hidden site, where we have spent two nights.

September 5, 1900: On the 28th of last month, Captain Pilar, Captain Villareal, myself and some other officers, along with 56 soldiers, departed from Tierra Virgen to render service as a guerrilla unit. We fixed our area within the boundaries of the town of Echague and from that point we have delivered correspondence to the principal chiefs of the towns of this province, a service of great importance.

September 13, 1900: In the afternoon Captain del Pilar, Lieutenant Luna and myself went to the barrio of Minal-lo for a change of air and to deliver mail for Naguilian. We returned to camp at two o’clock a.m. completely soaked, having been caught by a storm along the way.

September 16, 1900: At sunrise, after breakfast, we resumed the march on foot, because the road is very bad and we cannot bring horses. We had been marching an hour when I was again attacked by fever. Nevertheless I plodded on until we reached a brook where I got my legs wet. Whereupon the confounded fever attacked me so fiercely I could no longer move a step and had to lie down on the ground. On seeing this, Commandant del Pilar ordered me to return to Minaban, since because of me the column could not move ahead. With God’s help, and clinging to the shoulder of my assistant, I hobbled back to Minaban, arriving there at six in the evening.

On September 17, 1900, a still unwell Carrasco learned of what happened during the attack and the subsequent death of Juan. An American war report confirms Juan’s death although listed under a different date.

Carrasco’s entry: The column came from Malumi at around eleven in the morning and from my companions I learned how badly the soldiers had behaved. They refused to attack as we had planned, although the detachment was manned by only twelve Americans, as the soldiers knew. In the combat, we suffered the loss of Commandant del Pilar, who was captured by the enemy. We marched back to camp, where I continued to be with fever.

September 14, 1900 (American war report entry): Corporal Martin, with a detachment of Company H, Sixteenth Infantry, encountered a band of guerrillas under Captain Juan del Pilar, on Palanan road; routed them, killing their captain, wounded 3, captured 1 rifle, 1 revolver, 175 pesos, and important papers. No casualties.

And there you have it. Captain Juan H. del Pilar died at the hands of the Americans and had suffered a similar fate to his famous relative. There is also no info on whether or not his body was recovered. If not, then his remains might still be somewhere in Isabela.

Whether Juan del Pilar is the uncle or cousin, this shows Goyo’s relative had the same level of grit and resilience as him. Although, I still think this Captain del Pilar is a cousin based on age (because Tio Juan would’ve been 50+ years old by 1900).

Sources:

An Acceptable Holocaust: Life and Death of A Boy-General by Teodoro M. Kalaw

General Gregorio H. Del Pilar: Idol of the Revolution by Isaac C. Cruz

A Spaniard in Aguinaldo’s Army: The Military Journal of Telesforo Carrasco Y Perez translated by Nick Joaquin

The Flight and Wanderings of Emilio Aguinaldo, From His Abandonment of Bayambang Until His Capture in Palanan: A Diary by Simeon A. Villa, a Member of His Staff translated by Lieut. J. C. Hixson (Published under The Philippine Insurrection Against the United States: A Compilation of Documents With Notes and Introduction by John R.M. Taylor, Volume V)

Letters of Marcelo H. del Pilar published by the National Historical Institute

Annual Reports of the War Department (of the United States)

#juan del pilar #gregorio del pilar #philippine history #kapitan juan del pilar #this is a very long post #pinaghirapan ko ito mga mamser so sana naman po ay informative para sa inyo #about: Gregorio del Pilar

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baddly-well-done-translations · 4 years

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Found pages and forgotten heroes: Solé: artistic integrity’s problems | by Podetti, Fierro magazine N°54, year 2011

the scavenger, presentation drawing for the section

How much do we perceive Mafalda more real than Quino, Bart Simpson than Matt Groening, the Pícara Sandrita than Goyo Mazzeo? It can be said that an artist has transcended when his work is more known than his person.

And if not, let’s remember the case of Mono Braulio, Fernando Solé’s legendary character, published by the now vanished newspaper El Centinela, which it’s fame would exploit at the end of the 90s. Until 2005, the year in which the stripe was discontinued, it was impossible to walk five meters without running into a show window full of the character’s t-shirts. However, the creator seemed to make an superhuman effort to stay in the shadows.

The journalist Martín Parrota, from Inrockuptibles, related the titanic effort he had to make to achieve an interview with Solé. Once made and ended, he repented absolutely. “The interview wasn’t one. Altogether, Solé’s answers didn’t go up twenty monosylabics; the only sentence he articulated said that he “only expressed himself through drawing” as an apology. The magazine had to buy Bjork an interview so they could fill it, and then they put me grounded to answer emails for three months.”

The apparent shyness of Solé seemed to contradict itself with his communicator audacy. In 2002, one of his jokes against that time’s president, Duhalde, caused so much stir that he had to bear some pair of dozens of telefonic threats by fans of “the pigheaded”. And in spite of this, he keeped refusing to give interviews, adducing that he “only expressed himself through drawing”.

In 2003 he was convened to a round table with Rep, Caloi, Crist and Sergio Langer. The only thing he said in two hours was, once more: “I don’t… don’t know…. I express myself through drawing…”. Langer, in a hoarse voice tone, retorted “But, you said that with your mouth”. The remark seemed to seriously disrupt Solé.

According to his allegations, Solé had once been a shy and withdrawn kid that obviously drew all the time. Years hadn’t helped him: with 28 years, and in spite of his professional success, he hadn’t left his parent’s house, and he hadn’t had any girlfriend or friends. However, he could communicate the minimum to function socially.

But after that round table, everything changed; really, more than some kind of change, it was a deepening. Solé went to the next round table with pen and paper, and after the public’s first question (“Are comic strips made with a machine?”) he drew -in total and somber quietness- a cartoon of Mono Braulio saying “I don’t know, what happens is that I express myself through drawing”.

A no return downfall

“ I need my bed sheets changed!!!”

One of Solé’s drawings, done already in the psychiatric

The amazing witticism of Solé was cheered with a guffaw. The problem was that it wasn't witticism. When the round table ended, Langer asked Solé if he wanted to go get a pizza with the rest of the group, to which he answered with a sketch of Mono Braulio that said “No, tomorrow I have to get up early because I’m going to the dentist”.

José María Solé, Fernando’s younger brother, shows the almost 10.000 drawings Solé used to communicate with his family in the subsequent months. In one, Mono Braulio said “Have you seen the remote control?”. Another, found by the drawer’s mother emerging from behind the bathroom’s door, expressed “there’s no more toilet paper”. The neighbourhood’s shopkeepers wallpapered their stores with Monos Braulios saying “Would you give me 100 grames of salami?” or, “Chang, this yogurt is expired”.

The psychologist Solé was carried to by his parents tells us: “therapy was very slow, because of how much Fer took to draw his traumas. Also, he insisted that I didn’t have to talk to him, but to Mono Braulio. I advised him to give more importance to himself than to his character, but that was conterproducent”.

Because then, Solé’s only scope of sanity, his work as humorist, started being invaded by the most intimacies of the drawer, related by the monkey. This could have been drinkable in an autobiographical blog, but not in a newspaper’s back, and when Solé sended a strip in which Mono Braulio said that some pimples had appeared in his glans but somebody had recommended him a great lotion, without any ending sentence or joke, El Centinela canceled his space.

Solé was internated in a psychiatric hospital where he stays nowadays, without any apparent evolution. Psychiatrists have diagnosed a personality split. I have another interpretation. Sole’s artistic integrity can be considered extreme; the integrity of the artist who knows that what matters is his work, not his face or opinion or ego, and carries that importance until the last consequences, even if the artist has to completely dissolve in his work.

#Found pages and forgotten heroes #fierro #magazine #comic #translation #mono braulio #solé

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todragonsart · 5 years

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Siege The Valentine’s Day 10 - The bet

First things first, I AM SO SORRY for being this late :D I mean, I wanted to post this on the 10th of February, but- life and @thefishychicken happened in my life, so I- slipped in my timetable. I’m so sorry for being this late @dualrainbow.

But!

It’s better to be late then never, I think :D Thank you so much for @r6shippingdelivery for your help as a humble beta yet again! <3

Enjoy!!

Deep breath in- deep breath out.

IQ placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, reassuring him. "Okay, Marius, you are doing great. Let's go through the plan once more, okay?"

Deep breath in- deep breath out.

Jäger nodded, trying to concentrate on the rhythm of his breathing. "Okay-okay. So I-I look for César and when I find him, I give him back the book he lent me earlier. I start to chat with them then I ask him on a Valentine's Date!"

"Yes! Yes, perfect!" IQ started to fairy clap her hand, fully excited.

“Okay, but what do I do if he says no?” Jäger looked at her, palms ridiculously sweaty.

Immediately freezing, IQ bit into her bottom lip. “Well… I don’t think he would, you know? I think if you feel like this, it might be because he let out certain vibes as well!”

“Or that you are just a loser~” sang songed Bandit with a smirk. He didn’t even look up from his book. IQ immediately punched him in the shoulder, causing the man to wince. “Oh my god, Woman! What the fu-”

“You are no help at all! Marius is struggling here!” IQ shook her head.

With an angry grunt, Bandit sit up, placing down his book. “Listen, MamaMonika! Marius is a battle trained soldier, one of the bests of GSG9, one of the most amazing mechanics both of us knows, and his only goal is to ask his fucking crush on a date. I think he is a big boy, he can do it without you mommying him all the time!”

Hearing all this, Jäger’s lips curved upwards into a happy little smile.

IQ hummed, looking back at her teammate. “Well, you are not wrong. Marius, you can do it!”

“I don’t even understand what is your damn problem, the guy is 10 years younger and 10 cms shorter than you, you have the advantage in both!” grinned Bandit again. He picked up his book in an attempt to go back to reading, but looked up one last time. “However, I made a bet with Maxim and Jordan, so I hope you fuck it up!”

IQ planted her face into her hands, because now Jäger’s face started to turn into a grimace.

The woman stepped in front of him, placing her hands on his shoulders. “Look at me, at me! Not at him,” IQ glanced at Bandit, who was still smirking. She looked Jäger in the eyes. “Look at me, Marius. You can do it. You have been wanting him since Christmas and you made a New Year’s Vow to ask him on a date. You like him, and he likes you and even if he doesn’t like you the way you want, he is still mature enough to not poke fun at you. It’s going to be fine, and you can’t even lose anything!”

Jäger looked at her and listening he started to nod slowly. “Yeah.”

“Because you are amazing, funny, kind, smart-"

"Fucking cringy and awkward!" Bandit was a big help, yeah.

"- and fantastic! Don't listen to Dom, he is just jealous."

Bandit snorted at that, and IQ smiled at Jäger. "Are you ready?"

With a deep breath, Jäger lifted Goyo's book. "My palms are sweating, my knees are trembling, my throat is clogged-"

"Did you catch the flu?" Bandit lifted an eyebrow.

Blinking confused, Jäger shook his head. "No?"

"Then get yourself together and woman up! Be like Monika. She would stomp there, grab that guy by the ear and order him to go on a date with her!" Noticing the dark glare of IQ, Bandit smirked even wider. "In the most adorable and dominatrix way, she could!" he even winked at the woman.

Jäger let out a little laugh at the way IQ was shaking her head now. "Back to the point! You are good Marius. You can do it! Just be yourself!"

The man looked at his teammates for a few seconds, considering the options, storing the information, then, with a nod, he straightened up, hugging Goyo's book close to himself. "Very well. Wish me luck!"

"Break a leg-!"

"That way César would be able to catch you when you fall!" snorted Bandit.

Actually laughing at this, Jäger nodded and left the room. The two remaining German listened to his footsteps fade, then Bandit looked up at IQ.

"Do you really think he can do it, or you just pushing him, because you bet 25£ on him?"

IQ smiled at him. "Of course he can do it! Now come on. We need to catch our show in the Nerd Room."

Bandit placed down his book and got up, joining IQ. "Do you think Mark really put bugs everywhere on Base to be able to track the bet?"

Now IQ was the one smirking. "I helped. Trust me, there are bugs everywhere!"

Bandit hugged her close to himself for a second. "When you do stuff like this is the time I know I have the most amazing best friend!"

"And when you say stuff like this" replied IQ. "Is the time I know you are high!"

Grinning Bandit opened the door to the Monitor room - the home of Dokkaebi, Mute and all the nerds. "We will never know!"

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

Jäger found Goyo in the common room, next to Mira, Amaru and Thermite. The later three were arguing about some sort of development for the Vulcan shield, but the Mexican wasn't really talking, just listening, as usual.

The German walked in, reassuring himself.

Breathe in- breathe out. It’s going to be okay.

When Goyo noticed Jäger, he turned his face away from the others to look at him, and offered the smallest and warmest of smiles, effectively shattering the German’s courage into tiny, knee-trembling pieces.

He felt his mouth dry out, his hands starting to shake, his previous plans vanish into thin air. It’s so not going to be okay!

For a second, he considered turning back and hiding under his bed for the next decade. That way at least he could have been safe, nobody to bug him. He could even be a ghost.

He glanced back at the door, biting into his bottom lip. Running seemed so easy and nice, for a second he even forgot why he was here.

Then he looked back at the group of people, and noticed that Goyo was still looking at him, his beautiful brown eyes waiting patiently for Jäger to join them.

The German loved his eyes. They were fantastic. The most amazing mix of red and brown, spotted with green here and there. Glaz wished to paint something this perfect! Looking into his eyes felt like walking in forest on a fresh autumn morning. There were times, when only looking at the Mexican during a training or live mission calmed him down. When he looked into Goyo's eyes, he felt appreciated and maybe even a bit special. But most of all, he felt safe.

And this on its own was worth fighting for, so he pushed aside his fears and braced himself.

With a big gulp, he clenched his fists and approached them. "Hey guys!"

As usual, Amaru greeted him in a cheerful voice. “Marius! It’s so good to see you, help us out here. Elena and Jordan are fighting over the new blueprints of the Vulcan!”

His eyes fidgeting on the book, he glanced at Goyo, then at the others and their papers. Five minutes didn’t really matter, did they? Maybe this would calm down his nerves a bit. So he joined and put the book in his pocket.

As he was hunching over the blueprints, he totally missed the little glance Goyo threw at his always cheerful partner. Amaru smirked at him.

Scratching his neck, Jäger took a pencil from the table and, literally lying on top of the big papers, he started to correct the design flaws or the constructions that were technically infeasible.

Mira and Thermite nodded along his work, offering new ideas. Amaru was kind of helping, but Goyo was only watching the scribbles of new plans, the other three, and especially Jäger. Always Jäger.

Amaru glanced at him and poked him in the side with her elbow, but Goyo gently waved her off.

When Jäger finished, he placed down the pencil and humming, looked at Mira and Thermite. “It might be easier this way!”

The Spanish tilted her head and looked at the American. “I told you he will correct most of it! You can’t actually store lava in those cans Jordan!”

“So what? A man can have dreams!”

Rolling her eyes, Mira lifted the blueprints. “Thanks Marius!”

Jäger smiled at her. “No problem. If you leave them in the workshop, we can go through them tomorrow together- I mean if you want!”

The Spaniard looked at him, lifting an eyebrow a little. Lightning fast, she glanced at Goyo then back to Jäger. “Why not now?”

Jäger - catching the little glance - felt himself blush a little. “I have stuff to do!”

“What kind of stuff?” Mira smiled. Jäger wanted to murder her. He was sure she knew about the bet. Of course she knew about the bet! In fact, Thermite was one of Bandit’s best friends, so he surely participated as well. Jäger wasn't sure about Amaru, but at this point everybody was a possible betting suspect, either ready to help or to hold him back.

With a wave of anger, he turned his face towards Goyo. "Can I steal you for five minutes?"

Blinking, the Mexican nodded. "Sure! I will be right back!" he looked at Amaru, who nodded with a smile.

As they left, Mira looked at Thermite. "I will take Eliza on a date from the money I win!"

Thermite shook his head. "It's still not over Elena. If you lose, I'm taking her on a date!"

Mira flushed all of a sudden. "You can't always steal her based on you two being best friends!"

Thermite winked at her. "You should have bet on Marius, not against him!"

The Spaniard punched him in the shoulder in anger.

Amaru smiled at them. "Oh come on kids, calm down, this is just a game!"

"Says the woman who bet 50£ to her loss?" smirked Thermite. "Why do you want to lose?"

With an all knowing smile, Amaru looked in the direction of the entrance, where Goyo and Jäger left. "Because I bet against César, and I know how happy he would be if Marius did ask him out on a date!"

Mira's eyes rounded. "He bet on Marius? That's cheating!"

Thermite shook his head. "Technically he didn't say anything yet, so… he is still in the game!"

Amaru grinned. "Yes, he is!"

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

"You look pale, are you okay?" Goyo asked, walking side by side with Jäger.

"Y-yeah, sure! Everything is okay!" came the shaky reply. Jäger looked down at the book in his hands.

Come on!

Clenching his eyes, he recalled IQ's voice, how she tried to calm him.

Breathe in-breathe out. He can do this!

"I just brought you back the book back you lent me!" he offered said object to Goyo.

Blinking, the Mexican took it, almost not being able to hold back a smile. "I told you, you can keep it, didn't I?"

Jäger bit into his lip. Goyo did tell him, didn't he? Fuck, now he looks like an idiot! Shit.

"Y-yeah?"

Chuckling, Goyo shook his head. "You forgot?"

"Maybe."

"Well, you can still keep it. I know you love these more than me, it would be in a better place with you."

"Thank you, César!"

"Nothing to thank me for. Was this all, you wanted to talk about?"

"Yeah!" answered Jäger, then blinking he started to stutter. "I-I m-mean, n-no! No of course not I-I um...um… w-wanted to ask something, to be honest!"

"Oh, yeah? Should I be worried?" Goyo smiled at him, making Jäger's heart skip a beat.

"W-why would you do that? No! Nothing to worry about!"

"I'm just pulling your leg, Marius. You seem so stressed. Come on, let's take a walk outside, shall we?"

Jäger looked at him, nodding furiously. A little fresh air might calm down his nerves.

Heading outside, none of them were talking. And it was- perfect. They always did this, just existing side by side, and that was it. Jäger loved it, being around Goyo was putting him at ease like nothing else.

When they were out with friends and he ended up sitting next to the Mexican, he usually fell asleep on the man's shoulder. Goyo never complained. This went with movies as well, they watched together or when they were on a plane coming home after a mission. It started to become the best place for Jäger to sleep on, even though Goyo was shorter than him. He always found a way to snuggle up to the Mexican’s side.

Thankfully, the chilly February weather calmed down his burning skin a bit as they got outside. Goyo started their usual path, walking towards the hangars to check out Jäger’s helicopter.

He looked at the German, who was still deep in his thoughts, then glanced up at the Base’s windows. He didn’t even need to search for too long, he soon found a few noses pressed to the Nerd Lair’s window - Bandit, IQ, Mute, Dokkaebi, Fuze. They were watching like hungry hawks.

With a small smile, Goyo massaged the bridge of his nose and looked at Jäger. “So, how are you? You seem a bit distracted as well!”

The German glanced at him, blushing all of a sudden. “Yes! N-no-!”

Goyo lifted an eyebrow with a small smile. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yes! Yes! I’m just a bit- maybe a bit stiff? But- I need to ask you something!” Jäger stopped in his track, turning towards Goyo, placing his hands on the man’s shoulders.

Not even surprised by the sudden repositioning, the Mexican looked up at him, straight into his eyes, lips curving into a small smile. "I'm all ears."

Jäger watched his eyes for a mere second, bracing himself. It's going to be alright. Just be Monika.

He took a deep breath and opened his mouth, but the moment he wanted to speak, he noticed his friends - noses still pressed against the window.

He lifted an eyebrow, pulling a face. "Oh fuck me-"

“Maybe later-” he heard the Mexican whisper and snapped his eyes at him.

“W-what?” he stuttered. His knees started to tremble again.

Goyo - with a face calm and collected - looked up at him again, gently petting one of Jäger’s hands on his shoulder. “You wanted to ask something, right? Ask it!”

With an audible gulp Jäger nodded, letting his hands fall to his sides. “Right!” he glanced at the window once more. He saw Bandit shaking his head, and he felt his fingers clenching into fists. He took a deep breath, bracing himself for every possible answer, best and worst and nodded to himself.

“W-would you like to g-go on a date with m-me…?” he muttered, closing his eyes for a second.

Goyo just stood there, silent, unmoving.

Oh great. Now Jäger was an idiot and Bandit would win. Fantastic. Fantastic! As one more, silent second went by, his disappointment turned to sadness.

He turned his face away, rubbing his arm, trying to hide his frustration. He felt like a disaster.

Then he felt Goyo’s voice, warm and rich, making his eyes round. “I can’t give you a proper answer until you look at me, Marius.”

Fumbling with his fingers, Jäger glanced up at him just to be greeted by Goyo’s beautiful smile. He could not calm down immediately.

Goyo lifted his hand, waving Jäger closer. With never seen excitement, the German straightened up and stepped closer to the other. Goyo looked at him, his smile turning into a grin. “I thought you would never ask!”

Jäger couldn’t hold back a wide grin. He wanted to jump out of his skin in excitement, he wanted to shout, to run a mile, to do anything that would deduct his previous stress and newly found energy.

“S-so is that a yes?” he heard himself ask. Dammit anxiety! He wanted to slap himself.

With a laugh Goyo reached out and grabbed a handful of his collar, pulling him down to press their lips together. Just like that!? The motion was so smooth and calculated, Jäger could not stop his endorphin filled brain from thinking about Goyo thinking about this as well. He felt himself high, he was happy, now his hands started to shake because of this as he hugged Goyo’s waist, kissing back.

He heard the Mexican’s little laugh, as he pulled back. “Eager, aren’t we?”

Jäger bushed. “I’m sorry…?”

“Are you?” grinned Goyo.

The German shook his head. “Not a bit.”

“I know you like Valentine’s Day, but not the crowd, so February 15th? Does that work for you as the date?”

Blinking a few, Jäger burst out laughing. “Sure! Y-yes please!”

“Deal!” Goyo pressed one more kiss on his lips and stepped back. “Shall we go?”

Jäger grinned at him. “Sure- just one second!” he turned towards the window where he saw the others and flipped them a finger, then turned to Goyo. “They made a stupid bet-”

“I know!” nodded Goyo. Wide eyes, Jäger looked at him to be greeted by a small smirk. “I bet on you asking me, and you did it!”

“H-hey!” Jäger almost fainted and when the Mexican started his way back to the building he ran after him, totally missing the celebration in the Computer room.

~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

“I won!” IQ popped down next to Bandit, who was still sitting next to the window. “And you lost!”

Bandit looked at her, his lips pulling into a sly smirk as he reached for his smoke.

IQ crossed her arms in front of her. “Why are you smiling? You lost…!”

He pulled out one thread and put it in between his lips. He lit it and blew out the smoke. “Did I?” Bandit patted her knee. “I lost, like- 10£.”

Her eyes widening, IQ leant closer. “How!?”

Bandit looked at her. “I never said I bet against Marius, Monika.”

“But you said-”

“I know what I said, but that only was to get Marius going!”

Mouth falling open the woman shook her head, a smile bloomin on her lips. “You fucker. You made like… 20 bets with everybody and none of these were against Marius, hah?”

Bandit nodded. “I’m rich.”

“You fucking fucker. But how did you lose that 10£ then?” IQ tilted her head.

Bandit looked out the window, satisfied. “The only bet I made against Marius was- with Marius.”

IQ both amazed and scared shook her head. “You- I can’t even-”

Bandit looked up at her. “I knew he could do it, Monika, but not using this opportunity to collect money is just stupid!” he winked.

“Evil.”

“Genius.”

“I can’t even!” IQ shook her head and still trying to process all the info, she stood up and left Bandit by himself.

Grinning the German looked after her and out of the window. He could still see Jäger and Goyo, and he just couldn’t stop the proud smile spreading on his lips.

I hope you enjoyed! <3

#dragonwrites #dragontries #dualrainbow #valentine's day event #r6s #rainbowsixsiege #fanfic #fanfiction #Jäger #Goyo #Bandit #IQ

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r6s-imagines · 5 years

Note

For the prompt request can you do 34 & 36 for Goyo & a female reader? I love you work too btw, you are doing amazing! 💞

i can officially say this is one hell of a unique post! i’ve never seen anyone genuinely interested in goyo before, i hope this satisfies you!

goyo x reader >> a day in the city

•••

requested: yessir, thanks again!

warnings: cursing

prompts:

#34: “you should probably shut up.”

#36: “you’re cute when you’re horribly pissed.”

you can find the prompt list here

MASTERLIST!

•••

summary: a vacation into puerto vallarta turned into a life or death encounter.

•••

it took weeks to convince your family to take a month off of your bustling life in southern texas. between the political chaos and personal bearings, you just wanted to go somewhere and take photos with a smile. your closest friends lived in the area of your destination and you picked up just enough context to situate yourself into the culture.

puerto vallarta was breathtaking. many times you separated from your family to observe the everyday life of the locals, selling their homegrown fruit or creating homemade clothing. your favorite activity was to sit on the pier and feel the mist meet your dewy skin, tasting the salt and sketching out the landscape.

your legs dangled into the water, watching the boats rock in place and licking a mamey ice cream. your phone buzzed in your pocket.

mom: took a tram out of the city but there’s a delay. stay by the pier, we’ll be there soon! xx

you grinned, hoisting yourself up and locating los mercados to browse, barefooted. you enjoyed the pressure and liberty from the absence of shoes and you took every step gladly. you patted your black shorts pocket for you cash, confirming its presence. you disposed of your treat and picked at some vegetables, effectively dodging vendors looking to make a sale. you rubbed your shoulders through your translucent white shirt and felt a hot burn blended into your growing tan. your eyes caught a brown sun hat. you approached an older man, waving to his products.

“¿cuánto cuesta este sombrero?” you asked, thankful for passing your spanish exams in year eleven.

“200,” the man responded. you nodded and handed him the adequate money, swapping for the hat and placing it atop your head. you nodded and continued on your way, pausing.

what’s that noise? you asked yourself. rumbling met your toes and you wiggled them, looking down. the rumbling turned into a bursting explosion, radiating from what felt like miles away. everyone jumped and bailed, assuming cover or protection from the blast. you whipped out your phone to text your mom. a flurry of people ran by, one knocking your phone straight from your hands and sent to the floor with a crack.

“debes ir!” someone shouted, looking back only once.

determined to locate your family, you made you way towards the commotion, into the city not far from where you stood.

•••

the city streets burned your feet as you padded through the loud city, cars only going one direction; out.

you recalled the destination mentioned to you by your family earlier that day: a local gallery. located near a major landmark, you made your way to the center of the city, fighting against the current of people.

boom!

another explosion was set off, this time closer and ear-bursting. you closed your ears and yelled in pain. helicopter blades whooshed through the air and sirens became gradually greater in volume. people dropped down and you took cover behind a building, careful to avoid authority confrontation. once the clear was assumed, you made your way into a large, professional seeming building marked with what looked like gallería.

the main entrance as well as the side and back ones were closed off with metal panels, but your determination sent you looking for more entrances.

a window was barricaded with a green set of planks and you punched it, feeling just how soft the wood was. you punched it again, feeling it give way from a few hefty smacks. you swung a leg in, then two, and walked your way through the seemingly empty building.

“hello?” you mindlessly called out, each step echoing into nothingness. “mom?” no response.

“¡pon las manos en el aire!” someone shouted at you, a laser sight blinding you. you reached up to cover your eyes, earning another displeased shout from the voice. “¡ahora!” the frantic commands went past your head and you were unable to translate them.

“what?” you called back, bewildered. “i—i’m sorry, i don’t—“

“you speak english?” he asked, lowering his gun. you slowly nodded. he sighed and placed his hand on his neck. “you’re not supposed to be here, this is a very dangerous operation.”

“i’m just trying to find my damn family. said they were going here.”

“you need to keep quiet,” he mumbled, grabbing your arm. his grip was strong but not painful.

“i don’t see a need to be quiet, dude, nobody’s here and i’m the least of your problems! can you just let me—“

a rush of heavy footsteps filled your ears following the clink of weapons. the man wrapped his arm around your waist and took off, nearly sending you on your ass as he pulled you into cover. your hat flew into the air, landing silently. you exclaimed again, and this time the man held you close with his hand over your mouth. the stranger peered past the corner and slammed his back against the wall. the beating footsteps thundered past your location. once the coast was clear, he removed his hands. you crossed your arms.

“you should probably shut up,” he said, stern. you pouted, now considering minimal movement. “césar.”

“y/n,” you whispered back, unamused. “is there any way i can get out of here? i don’t wanna be swatted.”

césar chuckled, eyeing you up.

“not on your own,” he answered. “and for the record, you look cute when you’re horribly pissed.” you froze, arms unfolding and you looked away, wishing you could cover yourself with your hat. césar began to explain the situation.

“these high profile guys planned an attack on the joyería, jewelry store. i’m here to hold down the fort, make sure nobody takes anything.”

“wait, this isn’t the gallery?” you inquired. he shook his head. “damn. i need to work on my spanish.”

“that shouldn’t be your concern right now,” he replied. “i’m gonna get you out of here.”

“can i at least get my hat?” you begged, noting the absence of potential threats. “i just bought it.”

“stay here,” césar commanded, taking off to the possession. he snatched it, bringing it to you with a flourish. “for the lovely lady.” you took it with a smile, placing it atop your head once more. the walkie talkie on his chest beeped.

“necesitamos ayuda, goyo,” someone said. he leaned down and replied with a phrase you had not learned.

“you’re gonna take these stairs and run as fast as you can where you came from,” he explained. “i’ll watch your six.” you nodded.

“goyo?” you said.

“hm.”

“your name.”

“oh, yes. it’s my code name. i’m a specialist. explosives.”

“well that makes your whole ‘stay quiet’ thing out of character,” you replied, giggling. “i’ll get out of your hair.”

“it’s a shame we haven’t met before, and in the worst possible circumstance. i hope we meet again soon.” he took your hand and kissed it.

you turned, checking the corner before finding the window you entered through. turning around one last time, you saw goyo, giving a half-wave-half-salute gesture with a wink.

•••

your family was kept safe from the acts of terrorism in a military containment just outside of the gallery. they’d been huddled around a tv, and you joined them in their seats. your eyes trailed across the english subtitles.

“reports say 31 year old, codename goyo, was most helpful in aiding the friendlies for the threat.

in an audio interview with the hero, he had this to say:

‘in a city like this, people need someone to look up to. in a state of loss and confusion, everyone needs help. if it means you earn the gratitude knowing another beautiful life was saved, then risking your own was worth it.’”

#r6s #rainbow six siege #siege #r6s imagine #r6s x reader #siege imagine #siege x reader #goyo #goyo imagine #goyo x reader

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progamersoleil · 1 year

Text

Kingdom Death: Year 6 [Settlement]

"Just admit that we're lost."

"We are not lost. It's just... misty, that's all."

And also they are all now suffering from horrible boils due to said mist. Fun!

The group eventually managed to find their way through the mist, only to find a box lying at the border of the settlement, ornately wrapped and seeming very out of place among the usual death and darkness that was typically rampant in this awful world they called home.

And inside, of all things, was... a baby. With a mohawk.

"It's Youmu. But with a mohawk."

... Who gets to be born with none of the settlement's stat bonuses, so welcome to the bench Youmu.

Forever.

"Ah, yes. By the way, I have another... 'guest' visiting us in a few years. She dropped off that package while you were away."

"I'm going to be perfectly honest this one might have been a mistake. We scraped together some broken version of her from... well, somewhere you don't have to worry about. But she's clearly gone a bit deranged. At least Brigit knows how to follow instructions, so I can't make any promises if you can't handle this next one."

"Oh, and we built some new locations for you with all the materials you brought back. Congratulations on your brutal murder of those innocent shrimp creatures. You do realize they're sentient and intelligent, right? And that they're friendly?"

"Goyo wants them dead."

"Charming. Well, good luck. You'll certainly need it."

And speaking of settlement-wide stat boosts, the eugenics program is now finally fully online!

Which means all newborn survivors are now receiving a whopping +1 accuracy, +2 strength, +2 evasion, +2 hunt XP, +2 courage, and +3 understanding, as well as half of one parent's weapon proficiency.

#kingdom death monster #tainted frost of venality ~ scorpina

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r6shippingdelivery · 4 years

Note

headcannons for hobbies? Like what they do on their off time?

Hi nonnie! I actually did a Hobbies HC for “all” ops a long time ago. But seeing that was before the expanded bios, and it only reached up to Gridlock and Mozzie, I’d say it’s time for an updated version, don’t you say?

Some of the answers are unchanged from the old post, because I already nailed it or the new info didn’t disprove my ideas. But I had to revise a lot of the answers I gave the first time around! In order to find their hobbies and/or get a glimpse of their lives beyond Rainbow and what they might like, I read all the bios, and looked up concept art, and elites, and past battlepass content, etc. And when none of that was enough, I just went with my gut instinct 😂 Thank you to @grain-crain-drain, @dagoth-menthol & @todragonsart for bouncing ideas with me when I was stuck! 💕

Hobbies Headcanons for ALL ops (up to Neon Dawn)

FBI

- Ash: According to her savta, shooting things is not a hobby, but Ash disagrees. And since according to her expanded bio she knows Hebrew, Arabic, English, French and Greek, I’m willing to bet she enjoys learning languages as well. - Thermite: He grew up on a ranch and loves riding. He’s also taken an interest in improving gadgets it seems, so my old proposal that he dabbles in forging/smithing stuff seems plausible. And based on this concept art, demolition derbies attending and maybe even competing himself too? - Pulse: He’s interested in a variety of topics and goes through phases of intense, nearly obsessive focus, until something else captures his attention. He still has a lingering fondness for building muscle cars, since it was something he used to do with his father. And like Thermite and Hibana, it seems he might enjoy demolition derbies. - Castle: He’s a language nerd, studying/reading/practicing new languages is his hobby for sure. Since the expanded bio says he rescues abused dogs, I don’t think it would be far fetched he volunteered at animal shelters too.

SAS

- Thatcher: Aside from repairing his boat, The Iron Maggie, he also enjoys fishing. He used to do that with his dad & brothers, and tried to take the rest of the SAS fishing as a bonding experience. It didn’t go very well - Sledge: He plays rugby, and has an inexplicable fondness of trying the wildest ideas that tend to end with something broken, be it one of his bones or a structure or wall (just read his extended psychological profile and you’ll see, lmao) - Smoke: Boxing, it helps him focus all his chaotic energy. And chemistry in general, it’s not just a hobby but a passion of his. - Mute: he enjoys tinkering with stuff, taking it apart and then putting it back together in a different way, just to see if he can improve it or make it work in his own way. Flying drones plays perfectly into that, with the added bonus of being able to do the flying part just for fun too.

GIGN

- Montagne: His main passion is working with people, teaching and mentoring others, and therefore when he’s not on duty, his main passtime still is mingling with people and getting to know them. I could see him making overtures with Castle, interested in the American and fascinated by his knowledge of various languages, an area Monty feels insecure about due to only knowing French and English. - Twitch: Engineering, robotics and developing an empathic AI is her life.Twitch is a workaholic passionate about those topics. She also greatly enjoys traveling and, according to her expanded bio, people watching. - Doc: He surely had some hobby at one point, but he can’t remember it, or the last time he had free time for it. Doc is also a workaholic, although one that loves to complain about it. - Rook: Apparently he’s passionate about cycling, auto racing, and rock concerts. Mainly cycling though, since he dropped out of university to cycle around France.

Spetsnaz

- Tachanka: He collects and repairs old weapons. Mostly soviet, but he has some interesting pieces from other countries too. And he dances surprisingly well. - Kapkan: Aside from a certain interest in psychology, his main hobby is hunting, of course. But he also whittles and carves wooden figurines. - Glaz: Quite obviously, painting. He’s an artist, and quite a good one. He also likes playing cards, especially poker. - Fuze: He builds new weapon prototypes for fun. And tests them, if he can convince Six of it. He also likes to bake from time to time, a skill he learnt thanks to his grandma - and because he has a sweet tooth.

GSG9

- Jäger: Planes. Model planes, repairing old WWI & II planes, you name it. And watching copious amounts of documentaries. - Bandit: His bike is his main hobby, both taking care of it and riding it. He also likes playing pool; and, if pranking people counts as a hobby, that’s his oldest one, dating from when he was a kid. - Blitz: He was and still is an athlete at heart, and Blitz loves running. - IQ: In order to disconnect from engineering pursuits, she indulges in rock climbing, spelunking, and writing science fiction stories.

JTF2

- Buck: He crafts mechanical puzzles, and enjoys all kinds of physical activity that can take place outdoors. - Frost: She just loves being surrounded by nature, and often goes mountain climbing or diving.

SEAL

- Valkyrie: Swimming and diving, of course! She wanted to be a professional swimmer, but now it’s just a hobby. And apparently she enrolled for a helicopter pilot license, and language classes. - Blackbeard: According to the expanded bios, he likes sailing and even participated in a championship. And since he climbed Mount Everest, it’s safe to say he also likes mountain climbing.

BOPE

- Capitao: He loves football, playing or watching it, doesn’t matter, he’s all for it. - Caveira: Spends a lot of time practicing Jiu Jitsu, in the gym and also on unofficial tournaments.

SAT

- Hibana: For her it’s traditional Japanese archery (Kyūdō). And probably demolition derbies too accounting that concept art from before with Thermite and Pulse. - Echo: According to the expanded bio, he has few interests outside work, but I always imagined he’d be into gaming and e-sports. Hacking too, and that’s a direct influence from Dokkaebi.

GEO

- Jackal: He plays the acoustic guitar/spanish guitar, and sings too. And now we also know he volunteers with at-risk youth. - Mira: Fixing cars is second nature to her, and thanks to her expanded bio we know she also does metal sculptures that incorporate used mechanical parts.

SDU

- Ying: Extreme driving, which can sometimes trigger her PTSD, and traveling. Especially exploring cities by randomly jumping in public transport and just going anywhere. - Lesion: He is also one to volunteer in underprivileged areas (like Junk Bay, where he grew up), and clearing mines and other unexploded devices. I also imagine him with a certain gusto for playing blackjack.

GROM

- Zofia: If obsessing about her father’s supposed suicide and the oddities surrounding it, and desperately trying to reconnect with her sister count as hobbies, sure, she has those. - Ela: She’s also an artist, one with a very particular vision that some have called narcissistic. Apparently she also does some “freelance” volunteer work, roaming the streets at night and offering help/comfort, or a willing ear to the people she meets.

707SMB

- Vigil: He likes to take walks around the forest, just aimless exploring and marvelling at nature and any animals he might come across. Often listens to relaxing music while doing so, and he might pick a pretty rock here and there to bring home. - Dokkaebi: Hacking is her hobby, of course. She also has several social media profiles and is an active member in a couple of hacking forums. As per a previous battlepass, I believe she enjoys mountain trekking too. And dancing to electro beat, due to her elite.

CBRN

- Lion: His rebel years left him with an appreciation for rock music and a dream to be in a group. Lion still plays the electric guitar, when he’s not off volunteering at the local church. - Finka: Pushed by her parents from a young age to try different sports, just like her siblings, she eventually discovered a strong love for fencing and ice-skating.

GIS

- Maestro: Cooking, and boxing, an interest he shares with Smoke. But mostly cooking. - Alibi: She’s also a marksman, engages Ash in friendly shooting competitions.

GSUTR

- Clash: She’s very involved in different activist causes, mostly surrounding racial issues and inequality. - Maverick: Photography, mostly nature or candid shots of his fellow operators. I also think he likes horses and riding. And Buzkashi of course, but he hasn’t played since he left Kabul.

GIGR

- Kaid: Playing chess, he’s a good strategist and it shows. And while dozing off with a cat on his lap is not a hobby, he also loves that. - Nomad: Traveling to all sorts of remote locations, she’s an explorer with a thirst to prove herself. She also keeps a travel journal, which includes maps and some drawings of the places she’s seen.

SASR

- Mozzie: Dirt biking, of course. The more dangerous the jumps and stunts are, the more he likes it. He knows his limits and works to surpass them. - Gridlock: Robotics. She still wants to compete again in robot championships, just like she and Mozzie did so many years ago. She would consider that fixing cars and vehicles has become more part of her job than a hobby, but still loves it too.

Phantom Sight

- Nokk: Fencing, as evidenced by some of her concept art, she participated in fencing tournaments. - Warden: He knows appearances are important, and he cultivated a very specific image, so he likes to take care of that, be it by buying luxury or antique cars, or designer suits, etc.

Ember Rise

- Amaru: Archeology and exploring the Amazon jungle is her passion. It used to be her whole life and job, but since she joined Rainbow, she’s been busy with training and missions, yet she never lost her love for adventure, history and protecting her country’s cultural artifacts. - Goyo: He’s a really good chess player, and enjoys other games where he either has to think, or his usual poker face and calm demeanor can throw his opponents off.

Shifting Tides

- Kali: When she’s not writing reports about her underlings progress, or making lists about who should be ascended/rewarded, who needs to be punished or chastised, etc, she’ll be doing yoga, since it helps her focus. Or hardcore pilates when she needs to burn away some frustration first. - Wamai: Diving and being underwater in general, be it on his special immersion tanks or on the actual sea, it doesn’t matter. He finds it calming (and he’s addicted to the anoxia sensation)

Void Edge

- Iana: Space exploration fascinates her, and she’s always trying to learn everything she can about the cosmos, watching documentaries and conducting her own in-depth research. - Oryx: Wrestling helps him hone his physical prowess, and it’s also a measured outlet for his deep seated rage. He also greatly enjoys reading poetry.

Steel Wave

- Melusi: She’s committed to the conservation cause, which stems from both her love of wildlife and nature, and her protective instincts. She likes to explore too, although she’s not driven by a will to prove herself or reach certain goals, but simply for the joy of seeing natural spaces. - Ace: Social Media. He’s obsessed with his public image and popularity. While he travels quite a bit, it seems he does it more to share new and exciting selfies on Instagram than for the pleasure of visiting new places.

Shadow Legacy

- Zero: He knits and crochets, it’s an engaging hobby that helps him clear his mind, plus he enjoys making stuff too. Not many people know about this side of him though.

Neon Dawn

- Aruni: She and Hero, her giant pouched rat, volunteer on landmine detection and removal efforts. She also likes to travel extensively, and has done so in the company of Twitch and Nomad.

#rainbow 6 siege #r6s #rainbow six siege #rainbow 6 #headcanons #Anonymous

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trident-dragion · 2 years

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Over the Nexus Deck Profile: Black Garden

Plants have a peculiar history as a Type. They've been around since Legend of Blue-Eyes White Dragon, but they had almost no relevant cards or support for years. That is, until Yu-Gi-Oh! 5d's launched, and with it probably the best female character in the series (at least for one season), Akiza Izinski. Akiza played her own Plant deck, and the main cards in that deck were her mighty Black Rose Dragon, and of course, Black Garden. Black Garden is a tricky spell to play; because its effects go both ways, you have to be careful about which monsters you summon, and how. See, flip summoning monsters doesn't trigger Black Garden, so you can dodge its effects by setting your monsters instead, but that still places a restriction on you. Because you as the owner of Black Garden don't get any special treatment from it, you have to be careful about when you activate it. Generally, I would recommend doing so during a time where you have at least one big, powerful monster on your board, and your opponent has none. With their attack halved, almost every monster they summon will be no match for yours, even if it's something like a Botanical Lion. But there are two cards in particular I enjoy pairing with Black Garden; the first is my main blog's namesake, Red Dragon Archfiend. Under Black Garden, the opponent has a choice; set their monsters, which RDA can automatically destroy, or summon them, meaning they'll likely take quite a lot of damage even if they only lose one monster for it. Summoning Red Dragon Archfiend right before activating Black Garden is a big power play that can demands the opponent's immediate attention. But the other card that I like with Black Garden is Earthbound Immortal Uru; first, it's an Insect-type, so Gigaplant can Special Summon it. Secondly, its effect pairs strongly with Black Garden; every time the opponent summons a monster, it generates a Rose Token, meaning that unless they destroy it, you now have free tribute fodder for Uru's effect, so you can steal that same monster during your turn. Not to mention how the standard Earthbound Immortal effects are pretty helpful; even if Uru's attack is halved, it can't be selected as an attack target, and can attack the opponent directly, so it doesn't particularly care anyway. But this being a Plant deck means we can take advantage of two very strong cards, Mark of the Rose and Wall of Thorns. Mark of the Rose is basically Snatch Steal, if Uru wasn't bad enough to contend with, and Wall of Thorns is literally Mirror Force if the opponent selects a plant monster as an attack target, which the Rose Tokens generated by Black Garden happen to be! Between its gothic aesthetics and the oppressive power of the field spell, this deck makes you feel like a real witch! MONSTERS (21): Botanical Lion x3 Dandylion x2 Earthbound Immortal Uru x2 Gigaplant x2 Glow-Up Bulb x1 Koa'ki Meiru Gravirose x3 Lonefire Blossom x2 Lord Poison x2 Spore x1 Twilight Rose Knight x2 Tytannial, Princess of Camellias x1 SPELLS (11): Black Garden x3 Dark Hole x1 Giant Trunade x1 Mark of the Rose x2 Monster Reborn x1 One for One x1 Terraforming x2 TRAPS (8): Call of the Haunted x1 Mirror Force x1 Solemn Judgment x1 Solemn Warning x2 Torrential Tribute x1 Wall of Thorns x2 EXTRA DECK: Ally of Justice Catastor x1 Black Rose Dragon x2 Brionac, Dragon of the Ice Barrier x1 Colossal Fighter x1 Goyo Guardian x1 Gungnir, Dragon of the Ice Barrier x1 Naturia Beast x1 Queen of Thorns x1 Red Dragon Archfiend x1 Scrap Dragon x1 Splendid Rose x1 Stardust Dragon x1 Thought Ruler Archfiend x1 Trishula, Dragon of the Ice Barrier x1

#yu-gi-oh!#world championship 2011: over the nexus #deck profile #black garden #black rose dragon #earthbound immortal #earthbound immortal uru #queen of thorns #splendid rose #lonefire blossom

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sawthefaeriequeen · 6 years

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Various thoughts on “Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral“

1.I wasn’t expecting Goyo’s PTSD arc at all, but it makes so much sense for a 20-something who’s way too young to have led a fuckton of battles. “They were schoolboys/Never held a gun” and all that. Anyhow, it made for a great character study and emotional spine.

1.1 Goyo being haunted by the elder Bernal and other victims of war. Oof. I was holding my breath through every single attack. I only really know Paulo Avelino from heartthrob type roles (but of course, this was one of those rare times that casting a kilig-type actor as a historical figure was exactly right!) so I didn’t know what to expect, but he did a really good job portraying someone in the constant grip of war flashbacks.

1.2 I’d read about the skinny dipping incident in…was it Joaquin or Kalaw’s book? I forget. There I was, thinking it’d be used as a comedic moment; boys just having fun before they head off to war, yay!…and then BOOM, a wild death foreshadowing appears! Oookay.

1.3 Really, it was all so very: I imagine death so much it feels more like a memory/When’s it gonna get me? I wouldn’t be surprised if Tarrog was inspired by Hamilton, which rose up (heh) in the time between Goyo and Luna’s releases.

2. Alejandrino was awesome in general. Alvin Anson makes some truly excellent I Am So Done With Everybody’s Shit But Especially White Colonizers And A Certain Up-His-Own-Ass President faces.

3. Oh, Joven. The embodiment of “stale cinnamon roll, been in this world too long, too cynical.” He looked SO weary and jaded at the start of the film, so different from his bright-eyed and bushy-tailed self in Heneral Luna that I actually whipped out my phone midway to check if it was still Arron playing him. (It was.)

3.1 One of my favorite scenes was Goyo doing his peacock dance for Remedios contrasted with Joven going through all the love letters from all of Goyo’s exes. My friend and I were like “duuuude. That’s…that’s a lot of heartbroken girls.”

3.2 Other favorite scene was when they’re all exhausted and camped out in the mountain, and Joven looks on at the hopelessness but then catches Goyo’s journal-words about his love for his country and smiles. <3

4. Gwen Zamora was really good at being steely and firm and saying hell no to Goyo’s honeyed words, haha. I wish we’d gotten to know Remedios more. Also…am I missing something? Wasn’t her sister, Dolores, historically his actual sweetheart? Which they tried to account for by having her give him the sister’s handkerchief, but still*. Anyway, I sort of feel like she was speaking for the audience/Pinoys when she was saying that she wanted to love a Human Being and not someone who was a Hero and A Symbol.

4.1 *of course the likely historical explanation is that Goyo fooled around with both sisters. Snerk.

5. I also liked Felicidad and her classy shade-throwing a lot! I wanted way more of her. Clearly, Tarrog or someone else needs to shed the spotlight on women of the revolution. I’d kill for an introspective Gregoria de Jesus flick set in the early days of the Katipunan, let me tell you.

6. I thought I’d hate Julian, and then I really liked Julian? Idk. Loved the whole repeating exchange of “Sino ka?”/”Agila.” between the del Pilar brothers. Also, where the heck did he go there at the end? It just doesn’t make sense, storywise, to have a big brother mentor figure, only to have him just disappear. He should’ve been beside Vicente there, at the grave. Or heck, at least show a shot of him receiving the news that his beloved baby brother died holding down the line in a distant mountain.

6.1 I’m SO glad the actual “agila” symbol belonged to Goyo himself. For some reason, I thought it’d be (stupidass) Aguinaldo, lmfao.

7. Vicente was my favorite. Look, it’s not my fault Carlo Aquino is flipping great in everything he acts in, okay?! Anyway I love how he was the group’s conscience, and that he looks after Joven**, and that it takes only one look from him for Goyo to lower his fists…but that he is also a hardass who will absolutely cuss out and raise his gun at any comrade who tries to escape battle.

7.1 **which, um. Joven/Vicente is a ship, right? IT IS, RIGHT? I know a lot of folks came away from Heneral Luna with shippy feels for certain people, fictional or historical, and while I supported fandom having fun, I never really got similar ~feels…until now. The last straw was when Vicente told a dude that he was screwed if anything happened to Joven during battle, like. Ka Enteng. Dude. Calm down. Quell your heart eyes. And “Brigada Joven,” seriously? Anyway, please tell me there’s fic!

7.2 (Shippy thoughts aside, I also kind of felt it was hinted that Joven wasn’t straight. Yeah, he could just be a flop at flirting with women, but then there’s that scene where he just sits back and dazedly watches all his guy friends skinny-dipping, and, uhhh. I dunno, is it just me?)

8. Speaking of ships, someone needs to make a We Are Never, Ever, Ever Getting Back Together crack fanvid starring Aguinaldo and Mabini.

9. The iconic Battle of Tirad Pass was both exactly what I thought it’d be and really not what I thought it’d be. I…hmmm. I’m gonna have to rewatch to form a more concrete opinion. I’m just gonna say that I’m totally satisfied with how the death scene was done, and the crushing defeat after.

10. When Garcia tells Goyo that leaders may come and go but this land is forever… well, pardon my French, but: fuck me. My heart. My friend was crying through a lot of the film because, in her words “oh God, our country got so screwed and is still so screwed, and nothing has changed and is it ever going to change?” Yeah, big mood.

Much of this movie was about deconstruction and asking the question: what makes a hero? Was Gregorio del Pilar a hero? My answer to that is: well he certainly loved this country more than *I* do most of these days, and he died for it too.

#it was quiet building up to a crescendo and i actually think i like it more than HL #and HL is very good #goyo ang batang heneral #goyo: ang batang heneral #text post #local cinema

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destinyninjatrash · 5 years

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Okay let's talk disaster outfits

Let's start with Hyosuke because his isn't too bad and there's only like one thing that kinda bugs me, other than that he is 👌👌👌 adorable sweet baby water gremlin as he always is.

The only thing that gets me is the fact that he's wearing all three primary colors, cause like???? IRL that would probably be such an eyesore??? I don't entirely know because my vest for my formal wear cosplay isn't a mustard yellow like it is in the official art, so idk if that makes it look any better???? Other than that he's doing fine, he's got his cute little bow tie and he's living his best life, free from the sin that is mixing patterns with patterns, WHICH SPEAKING OF SIN-

Onto Goyo,

This man is wearing not one, not two, but THREE DIFFERENT CONFLICTING PATTERNS ASDFGHJKL-

Idk maybe he could get away with it if they weren't also BRIGHT ASS COLORS, but let's break down this hot mess...

We have the orange button up with huge white polka dots, which who even wears polka dots???? And why Goyo of all people???

Honestly if anyone was going to look like a disaster I really expected it to be Enya (sorry not sorry)

Then we have a teal vest with HORIZONTAL STRIPES

Idk if you know this Goyo honey but horizontal stripes, in addition to clashing with that awful button up, will make you look wider than you are

At least Hyosuke and everyone else had the common sense to wear vertical stripes geez...

Then we got the purple plaid jacket on top like asdfghjkl

GOYO WHO DID YOU DIRTY??? WHO LOOKED AT YOU AND TOLD YOU THIS WAS AN ACCEPTABLE WAY TO LOOK WHEN GOING TO A FORMAL EVENT??? WAS IT SOHMA??? DID SOHMA JOKINGLY TELL YOU IT WAS OKAY AND YOU COULDN'T TELL HE WASN'T SERIOUS???

But the cherry on top of this trash sundae, is the HIGHLIGHTER YELLOW BELT he has on

Like idk why but I expected more from Goyo??? Maybe because he's a fucking prince??? You'd think he'd know how to properly dress himself??? But no he has to pull this shit

Just asdfghjkl it's absolutely awful and it kinda makes me angry everytime I look at it??? Cause like from a distance it looks okay, but the longer I look at him the more issues I see and ahhhhhh, someone please take him to men's warehouse or something and get him a proper suit omg-

Okay Ted talk over (at least for now)

Thanks for tuning in to episode one of Admin Hyosuke reviews outfits

- Admin Hyosuke 💛

#destinyninjatrash #destiny ninja #shall we date #ntt solmare #otome game #shall we date destiny ninja #otome #solmare #swd destiny ninja #admin hyosuke #random shit #goyo #hyosuke

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tinamaetales · 6 years

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2018 Playlist

When the music is good, it is unavoidable – YG

I have come to a realization that music is the universal language – for it has the ability to speak to one’s soul despite its origin. For me, music knows no nationality.

It’s pretty obvious by looking at my recent posts that I’m into the Korean pop culture these days. It all started with my interest in watching k dramas and then I fell in love with most of their OSTs and then I learned about iKON and from then on, I’m whipped.

Most of the songs that I listen to this year are not just songs for me – they mean more than that. I’ve told countless stories of how my panic attacks are being triggered but I guess I’ve never really told most people one of the ways that help me cope up during those worst attacks – music. Especially iKON’s songs.

Anyway, here are the songs that helped me get though a lot this year. These songs made me feel less lonely and help me survive each day; here’s my top 10:

1 Runaway – iKON Bobby

“In the mirror, it’s not the me I used to know. I want to chase after my dreams but responsibility weighs you down”

“I lay on my bed but it doesn’t feel like home. I just wanna go far away. Even if the sun rises tomorrow, even if there’s hope, the words ‘good morning’ mean nothing to me”

This song’s lyrics speak to my soul in a whole different level. I feel like the entire song is a reflection of what I am truly feeling but I just can’t tell anyone about it. Most of the time, I feel so overwhelmed with everything that I just wanna run away because escape is the easiest thing to do when things become too much to handle.

2 Climax – Team B/ iKON

B.I.’s rap: “……Tell them to believe in me, that I would definitely succeed. This is not just mine but the life of 6 others. I’ve been looking for a chance lifting them all on my shoulders. I had no other choice but to endure much pressure and failures….and if God will ask me, ‘Won’t you regret it?’ I’ll answer without hesitation, ‘Why would I regret?’ I’ve bet everything and there is no next time. I’ll show you that my determination is like no one else’s”

This is every iKONICS’ weakness for it tells about the beautifully tragic journey of Team B towards reaching their dream of getting debuted. What I love the most about this song is its ability to lift one’s morale. Even though this song was written in a personal level, I felt like their journey was also mine. B.I.’s rap part followed by Junhoe’s verse never fails to make me cry. This song reminded me of how far I’ve come through and there’s no room to quit because I didn’t get this far to only stay this far.

3 A little too much – Shawn Mendes

“Everyone said that she is so strong but what they didn’t know is that she could barely carry on”

“Sometimes it all gets a little too much but you gotta realize that soon the fog would clear up. You don’t have to be afraid because we’re all the same”

There will be a point in our lives wherein everything feels like too much – when you feel like you’re drowning in problems and uncertainties. With this song, it serves as a reminder that the overwhelming feeling of life’s negativity happens to everyone – not just with me. And somehow, someday, things will get better.

4 Freedom – iKON

“At my age, my potential is bursting”

“What’s harder than living is finding the reason to. You might not be able to do the things you want. I’ve gotten to this point by doing things I hate”

Whenever I listen to this song I can’t help but relate it with the movie Goyo. I feel like this song’s lyrics fit perfectly with the movie’s theme. The movie Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral tells the story of one of the Philippines’ youngest general, Gregorio Del Pilar, and how he manages to handle his role during the Philippine-American War. The movie is fearless in telling the story of the hero – that a hero is not a cold statue that is perfect because of his heroism but a hero who is a human capable of making mistakes. In fact the director of the film, Jerrold Tarog, has said that the reason why they focused on Goyo’s life as a general during the war instead of making it the typical movie about a hero (birth-build up-heroism-glorious death) is to be able to tell the story of a hero who became human instead of a human who became a hero. The overall theme of the movie is about youthful negligence, blind allegiance, and misplaced loyalty (like what Irish Dizon, a writer, said) and I really can relate it to the lyrics of this song. My own interpretation of this song is that it tells the story of a young person who craves for freedom but isn’t aware of what comes along with it; it is like telling the people around him to allow him to live his life the way he wants to and yet he’s not aware of the responsibilities that comes along with freedom. I love the contradicting views that Bobby’s rap part has shown because it shows the frustration of the youth today:

At first he said, “Don’t call mistakes a thing of the youth”

But on the last part of his rap he said, “I make mistakes, please embrace me with the excuse of youth”

I guess those phrases are the right representation of this thing called “youthful pride” in which young people tend to have the confidence that they can do anything and everything for they are young and have the fresher perspective in life; when you’re young, you want to do everything and you crave for success so much thinking that the way there is easy. And when you started making mistakes here and there, that’s when you’ll realize that you still got a lot of things to learn and you still have a long way to go before you can succeed.

5 Social Casualty – 5 Seconds of Summer

“Save me from who I’m supposed to be. Don’t wanna be a victim of authority, I’ll always be a part of the minority.”

My own interpretation of this song is that is a cry for help. Seems like the person is aware of his/her own actions’ consequences and it is drowning and/or killing him/her and yet it feels like there is no stopping. The person is crying for someone or anyone to help him/her before it’s too late.

6 In My Blood – Shawn Mendes

“Sometimes I feel like giving up, no medicine is strong enough. Someone help me.”

This song is another cry for help and I can relate to this very much. There are times in my life wherein I feel like no matter how many times I drink my anti-depressants, it still doesn’t take away the overwhelming feelings of sadness, frustration, resentment, anger and regrets. Most of the time, you just want to give up but there is something in you, a tiny spark of hope, which makes you want to hold on and continue fighting and I guess this song tells us this message.

7 The Climb – Miley Cyrus

“…..sometimes I gotta have to lose. Aint about how fast I get there. Aint about what’s waiting on the other side. It’s the climb”

I’ve always considered this song as my motivation. What I love the most about this is that it talks about the journey that one would go through before reaching the top instead of just telling the story of success. I love its realistic approach as it says that “there’s always gonna be another mountain….always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I’m gonna have to lose….” Because that’s how life is, right? One success doesn’t mean it’s the end of the story – you will still experience a lot of setbacks, some are even worse than the other, but what’s important is that you know how to pick yourself up and fight again.

8 Ready to Run – One Direction

“Cause I wanna be free and I wanna be young. I’ll never look back now I’m ready to run”

And even though most of the time I still feel so afraid of the world and the chaos that it always bring, the fighter in me says that I should “Keep on fighting. Take the risk” and that’s how I feel every time I listen to this song. If I don’t take risks then someday I would be filled with the “what ifs” and “I wish I could’ve done” and that would suck. It would be better to be fearless sometimes because at the end of the day, if things go wrong…if things didn’t end up the way you’ve thought, at least you can charge it to experience. At least, you’ve learned something.

9 Sweeter than Fiction – Taylor Swift

“It’s like we don’t remember the pain that we thought would last forever”

What I love the most about this song is its calming melody. Whenever I listen to this, somehow my mood lifts up. This song is perfect for celebrating one’s success – even though they are just small victories. What I’ve realized throughout my journey in 2018 is that even the simplest things such as deciding to show up at work and do your job even though deep inside you are breaking is already a victory; it doesn’t matter how big or small your achievements are, because an accomplishment is always an accomplishment. Life is tough, but we can endure.

10 Little Me – Little Mix

“Wish I knew back then what I know now. Wish I could somehow go back in time and maybe listen to my own advice. I’ll tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out, talk a bit louder….tell her she’s beautiful, wonderful, everything she doesn’t see…..you can be anything you wanna be”

If I could give my younger self a message, it would be the lyrics from this song. I always feel a bit emotional whenever I listen to this because I can’t help but look back at my younger years. As a child, my confidence is at its lowest point because I am afraid of facing the world. I never really have friends, being alone is my solace. I tend to isolate myself as a defense because I don’t want people to hurt me and such habit of mine left an impact on what kind of person I’ve become today. I’ve realized that if only I was braver, I could’ve made my early years better and also, if I’ve got people who supports and believes in me, things would’ve been different today. While writing this, I remembered Miss Universe 2018 Catriona Gray’s words: “I’m standing here today because someone believed in me. We owe it to our children to believe in them” I can’t change the past but I can definitely do something now – I will start it by guiding my younger cousins and be there for them when they need support and a friend to talk to.

Love Scenario – iKON

South Korea’s Song of the Year for 2018. This song is really catchy and easy to sing along with; in fact, even if you can’t speak Korean, you can easily learn the lyrics of this song. However, even though it has a “happy” melody, the lyrics are a bit painful. This one tells the story of someone accepting the fact that something in his life is over and even though it hurts, as long as you have the memories to look back, then that’s good enough.

Killing Me – iKON

Even though this song is a sequel to Love Scenario and it tells the story of a break up, I’ve connected with this on a different way. For me, it was about a dream of mine that I’ve let go because I thought it’s best for me to pursue other things but here I am, finally experiencing the weight of my decision and it is KILLING ME ;) Bobby’s last verses in this song speak to my soul so much:

“The once extinguished fire is burning up again. Is it because of the painful longing or just my selfish loneliness?”

Goodbye Road – iKON

This is the last part of the break up trilogy and it is about saying goodbye for real this time. If in Love Scenario the person was positive and accepting about the break up, in Killing Me he felt the weight of it, this time in Goodbye Road, he is now finally willing to let go. The melody of this song is so beautiful that it makes it more painful to listen to because of the lyrics.

Just for you – iKON

This song is dedicated for iKONICS only.

Don’t forget – iKON

Its lyrics: “Don’t forget us, don’t forget me” is how I would like to tell the world that people who are suffering from mental disorder needs treatment too. Just because our pain and battle is invisible doesn’t make it invalid. Don’t forget us in your prayers for the healing of the sick.

Rubber band – iKON

Only You – iKON

Beautiful – iKON

Bestfriend – iKON

Apology – iKON

My Type – iKON

Hug Me – iKON

Don’t let me know – iKON

Everything – iKON

Dumb and Dumber – iKON

Long time no see – iKON

Make you proud – iKON

B-day – iKON

This is the best birthday song ever!

(can I just put iKON’s entire discography here? LOL but tbh, I listen to iKON’s entire discography everyday because all songs are really good!)

I love you – Bobby

One and Only – B.I.

The Eve – EXO

Heaven – EXO

Shine – Pentagon

Beautiful – Crush (Goblin OST)

The first time I listened to this song, I fell in love immediately

Stay with me – Punch ft. EXO Chanyeol (Goblin OST)

This song has some mysterious vibes in it which makes it perfect for the drama’s theme

Do you know – Gummy (Love in the Moonlight OST)

Everytime – Punch ft. EXO Chen (Descendants of the Sun OST)

Eternal Love – Michael Learns to Rock (Healer OST)

Perfect song for a wedding!

Melting – K. Will (LITM OST)

Hush – Lasse Lindh (Goblin OST)

Sunflower – Younha (Doctors OST)

No Way – Park Yongin, Kwon Soonil (Doctors OST)

You are my everything – Gummy (DOTS OST)

Let me out – NUEST W (Hwayugi OST)

When I saw you – BUMKEY (Hwayugi OST)

I miss you – Soyou (Goblin OST)

I will go to you like the first snow – Ailee (Goblin OST)

Bless the Broken Road – Cover by Jess and Gabriel

This one’s great for a wedding too! This song is great to play as the bride walks down the aisle

Little Do You Know – Cover by Jess and Gabriel

Forever – Damien Fernandez

Stand by me – SHINee

Scream – Michael Jackson ft. Janet Jackson

Rewrite the Stars – The Greatest Showman OST

Really Really – Winner

My Person – Park Bo Gum (LITM OST)

Prom – Ebe Dancel

Oks Lang Ako – JROA

Haru Haru – Big Bang

As if it’s your last – BlackPink

Photograph – Ed Sheeran

Broken Home – 5 Seconds of Summer

Hanggang Wala Nang Bukas – Ebe Dancel (Heneral Luna OST)

Long Live – Taylor Swift

Drag Me Down – One Direction

Rejects – 5 Seconds of Summer

Long way home – 5 Seconds of Summer

Hey everybody – 5 Seconds of Summer

I want you back – 5 Seconds of Summer

Youngblood – 5 Seconds of Summer

Perfect – Ed Sheeran

The Middle – Zedd Grey

Never be the same – Camila Cabello

There are still a lot of songs that I wanna add here but I guess this post has been way too long already. Anyway, to anyone reading this I hope you can listen to some of the songs I’ve posted here : )

TinaMae

#personal #music playlist #playlist #playlist 2018 #iKON

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