#NOW HE JUST NEEDS TO DO ANOTHER CLEAN FS

[leovenuslatina]

AFTERCARE⭒ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

!!!!THIS READING IS 18+ MDNI!!!!!!

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HOW YOUR FS TAKES CARE OF YOU AFTER SEX?

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₊˚⊹ ᰔ౨ৎ₊this is just a reminder that tarot isn’t permanent or set in stone YOU decide how your life goes no one or nothing else now take a deep breath and choose the pile that calls to you ₊˚⊹ ᰔ౨ৎ₊˚⊹

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pile one - king of cups , the hanged man

🌧️

shower you with love and affection they’ll be so in love with you afterwards you know post nut clarity? yeah they are the exact opposite after they nut they’re gonna be like so hazy and like so highly in love with you like covering you in kisses worshipping your body and telling you sweet nothings about how pretty you are and much they think you’re beautiful and goddess like. it’s like every time you two make love they fall more and more in love with you if that’s even possible. your FS is extremely helpful they’ll wanna get you snack and drinks i see them even ordering food and just like being super useful and attentive to anything you need. depending on what y’all did 🫣 they’ll be very quick to clean up any mess like deadass it might get wicked in the bedroom for y’all 😈 i’m seeing the two of you guys are definitely kinky. they’ll want you to literally do NOTHING ! immediately after sex they treat you like you’re literally made of glass or like you’re their delicate little flower 🌸🥹 they’re soooooooo helpful pile 1 omgz like if you have to pee they’ll lit carry you to the bathroom. if you want to clean yourself up they’ll literally draw you a bath like they loves to being so sweet to you. i’m getting they kiss you all over they really want to make sure you are always safe and comfortable your happiness is always their biggest priority !! i cannot stress enough how much your happiness makes them happy :)

extra messages- king, satisfaction, clean girl vibes, cookies, desserts 🍮, soft pink , 333

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pile two - ace of pentacles, six of swords

🗡️

right off the bat y’all be i’m the bedroom going games asfff. either one or both of you really likes it rough i mean there’s no holding back for the two of you i’m talking degradation kinks spankings idk y’all might even do some wax play ! after your wild ass sex sessions their after care for you is top tier their main focus and goal is to just calm you and make sure you’re hearts not beating so fast lol. afterward they’re so thankful 🥲 they think they won the lottery with a lover like you you’re hands down so beautiful to them and the two of you are so compatible when it comes to kinks and your sexual desires they know how lucky they are to have you in there mind you’re the best sex they’ve ever had !! they may have a little of experience under their belt so they know what they’re talking about and you’re the most incredible person they’ve been with. they get this giddy excitement when the two of you are finished he feels like he’s winning for life because you’re such an angel. after having sex with you your FS is just so stuck in his mind about how lucky they are to see you naked and how much they hope they hope they made you feel as good as you make them feel. i’m seeing them mainly bringing you water applying any creams and immediately just falling asleep dreaming about you 💤.

extra messages - white sheets, late nights, travel, hotels, luxurious, mental clarity

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pile three - King of wands , knight of pentacles

🧁

you’re just so so spoiled rotten by your FS i’m getting they give hippie vibes like i’m seeing you have hella candles lit and there might even be soft music playing. after they’re all about deep breathing and they might even ask to meditate with you 🥺. this is another pile that gets really rough and crzy so he spends lots of time being so sweet and affectionate with you. their the type of person that may be dominant so taking control is their strong suit and whatever you need they’re there to fulfill your every one. they’re very good and attentive when it come to caring for you at the end of your wild night i think the two of you might even have a specific set schedule for every time he’s such a huge softy for you you don’t even have to ask for things they already know what exactly you need they’ll rub you down with oil or bring you tea or wash you down in the shower anything to relax you more for sleeping. they will be extremely patient with you afterwards because he know how much he puts you through 😉 i think they’re just a gentle genius when it comes to your body and you pleasure they have taken their time to get to know exactly how to take care of you and they live for it 💖.

extra messages- lenny kravitsz, long hair , reds and orange, grunge aesthetic, boho vibes

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pile four - four of wands, seven of cups

👼🏾

you’re princess you’re an angel i know this is a future spouse reading but after y’all fuck they be ready to marry your ass AGAIN !! there’s literally no words for this pile they are so enamored with you. aftercare for the two of you is filled with cuddling and kisses and smiles and hugs and laughs i love this couples energy so much 🥺 the two of you are literally love bugs fr. aftercare is also filled with lots of questions about how they did? and how you felt ? and how they can make you feel even better next time ? i’m seeing your FS is a little insecure about their performance they are just sooo eager to please you because you are their god/goddess. pile 4 your FS LOVES YOU so so much they literally can’t contain themselves asking questions giving you kissing questioning if they did a good enough job or not. everything about you is perfect to them and they genuinely appreciate you so much. aftercare 4 the two of you is so dreamy ☁️ and romantic 💘 i’m also getting the two of you are like very horny even after sex so the two of you might even go for another round 🤩🤩

extra- clouds , green light, sweating, soft kisses, pillow talking , in love , they like you more

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[whor3-chata]

adley in bed ;))

warnings! this is pure filth lmaoooo

18+ only!! im pretty sure this is gender neutral?

soooo handsy

needs to feel all of you - runs his hands over eeevery inch of you, as if he's trying to commit every part of you to memory

holds you impossibly close too, can't stand to have you an inch farther from him than he has to

once you’re getting into it all clothes need to come off! now!! 

can joke around and keep a lighthearted mood but you swear you never see him get as serious as he does when he wants needs you

his voice gets sooo low and raspy, will lean down and murmur dirty things in your ear

as you’re just getting into it his head will make a home between your ear and your neck, leaving openmouthed kisses, whispering into your skin and ear, just nuzzling in there in general

listen!! he is a gentleman!! he absolutely makes sure you get off before he does, using his hands, mouth, watching your reactions to everything, soaking it all in

you swear there’s no view better than that of him looking up at you from between your legs

fs a tease, just loves to play with you and watch you get frustrated and impatient 

“aww you need it that bad? you can't wait just a little longer?” with that smug look in his eyes

honestly surprising that he doesn’t immediately give in to your whining and begging

but the truth is he lives to hear how badly you need him

“c’mon, tell me how badly you need it baby” “oh that bad? really?”

sets a slow but steady, unforgiving pace

has to be holding you too

your hips, your face, your head, your neck, whatever he can get his hands on

if you say you want to go on top, however, he will not stop you

thinks the sight of you moving up and down on him is the most heavenly view in the world

is also very down for you to take charge if you feel so inclined

is so so eager to please and loves when you tell him how good he’s being

you can see his brain turn off when you pull his hair and call him a good boy

ok, i feel like this is not going to be a popular opinion, HOWEVER i need to speak my truth

adley would absolutely be down to bottom for you

HEAR ME OUT

he wouldn’t bring it up, but if you want to try it out and suggest it,,, well he’ll try anything once

would be a little nervous and you’d have to reassure him and talk him through it

he’d be a little embarrassed by how much he enjoys it

but once you give him that safe space to explore that???

omg he’d make the most beautiful little noises

just totally turn into a whining whimpering mess

has to be holding you during it

your hand, your hip, your arm, your side

and no matter what you do, cuddles at the end are a must

even if you’re going another round after

and he loooooooves to go another round after

but truly his aftercare game is unmatched

lots of giggles and talking about what you liked and maybe what didn’t go great

he knows there’s always room to improve!

(even though you can’t imagine anything better than what he just gave u)

but he will go get something to clean the both of you up and will make sure you go pee!

i can see him being a biiiiig bath guy

just loves chilling in the tub with you after

and the quality of sleep you both get post-sex is unmatched

[reincarnatedonthefirst]

Client Recap

I got another inquiry today and realized that I needed to take this one seriously and actually go out and make some money. This was a client who found my massage persona. After some back and forth with the client asking about what to expect during the session, we agreed in a time. I checked out his info but I could tell during conversation that he would be safe to see.

I did not want to leave the house but I dragged myself into the shower, begrudgingly, and cleaned up. I hardly had any time get as glam as I would have liked. I grabbed my massage supplies and ho bag. This type of session didn’t require the new massage table I bought (thank goodness) so I wouldn’t need to haul it from the car to the hotel.

By the time I checked into the hotel, I had exactly 30 minutes to put on makeup, ready the room, and oil and perfume myself. Thank God he was running late and that gave me an extra 15 minutes to get ready.

Check this out: when it comes to massage, I have no… idea… what I am doing. I need to watch at least 20 minutes of instructional videos everyday from now on. I think my massage persona will draw more clients than my FS persona simply because the rates are cheaper. Therefore, I really need to know what I’m doing. HJs and BJs are the easy part of the session. But everything leading up to that needs to be done correctly and I just don’t know enough now. The back is most important so I need start with that part of the body on YouTube.

Anyway, the session ended well enough. I finished him off a little early (because I was running out of ideas) and as he was about to get into the shower, I told him he could chill for a little since we had time left. Gotta keep it professional! On Reddit, a girl said that if she made a client nut early, she would return to massage until the end of the session. That tip really came through for me tonight. I freaking love researching this stuff. It’s so helpful.

I was able to book a cheaper hotel that was actually decent quality! I made off with a little less than I normally do with full service clients. The interesting thing is that massage is more work than FS.

I’m happy to be home now. I showered again and put away all the toiletries and supplies I took home from the hotel room. Going forward, I think just need to expect to service clients on Sundays more than any other day of the week.

Derrick called to say he might have time to see me tomorrow morning. He said he would get back to me around 8AM. I don’t feel like dealing with anyone but, of course, I need to be working.

[gogogogolev]

The 2023 Grand Prix de France men's FS results, final results, and Stephen's protocol.

So keeping in mind that Stephen had three days of prep coming into this event we will discuss these results, and speak in general about his season.

To start off let's acknowledge that Stephen got two different quads out and two triple Axels done. For some reason he just popped that 3Lz which was costly considering how close the scores were. He is still having multiple pops per free skate which is really hurting his technical score. He also missed a combination for the second straight event. He did well to hang onto the Euler combination. He also got another level 4 step sequence, which is great. The starting 4T was really nice. He should definitely consider just doing a 4T3T in the FS as well, like he is in the SP. It would mean less pressure for him to get the 4S in combo, and maybe that would keep him from popping it. He could do a solo 4T instead of trying two 4S and popping one or both.

Someone was saying Stephen needs to work on everything. His jump consistency, his GOEs, his PCS. He's popping jumps at every event. He has had some of the lowest PCS scores of the field in his two events. Canadian judges give him even lower PCS scores than he gets internationally so it's looking dire. Even if he skates clean in terms of jumps his PCS score is going to have him around at least 20-30 points back of the top men (this problem is not exclusive to him). He has been relying on his choreographers to improve his PCS, but the top men work with the same choreographers as him. That's not it. The question that arises next from the fans is that - does Stephen want to skate? They get the sense he does not care to improve because his heart is not in this sport, that he is only being forced to do it. Which is concerning, but how are we to know what's really going on with him?

For what it's worth I think Stephen still wishes to skate, it's just not as enjoyable for him anymore. Nobody puts their body through the hell of training these jumps without a desire to achieve something, and he still has that desire. His environment is just not allowing him to produce the results he wants and that's demoralizing. I mean he has gone to two major international events in 2023 without a coach - WTT and now Grand Prix de France. I am not sure why Skate Canada is ok with this, but this is not going to help him. I'm grateful Benoit was with him, and he could get a better result with him than he had at Skate America, but it's kind of ridiculous that a top Canadian skater is going to events without a coach. I would not find this acceptable for any skater, let alone Stephen who really needs the guidance and support of a coach.

You have to wonder sometimes what level Stephen would be at with a coaching team that helped him thrive like when he was younger because his potential is so high. At this event 2/3 of the guys who competed at 2018 JGPF were competing, and the guy who finished 4th back then won the event with a score of 300+ to put things in perspective. But you can't live in the past or in a world of imagination.

Looking on the bright side Stephen finishes this GP season with a higher score than he put out all of last season and he also picked up some points and moved up to 31st in the World Standings. He will probably go down a bit by year's end but hopefully he's still top 40. He also picked up a new personal best tech score for the SP. And seventh in this field is a respectable finish for a guy who found out he was going to compete a week before.

I hope Stephen is able to return to Granite Club and get some training in before Nationals during UCI's winter break. Otherwise I am really not sure how Nationals will go for him. He'll be skating 16th in the SP there. You can view the schedule here. The media is going to be focusing on the men's event with the unpredictability and the possibility for a new National Champion so it's going to be a little bit of a circus but I'm sure these guys will survive.

Thanks for your hard work Stephen and for doing your best to improve your results. Keep your head up, stay healthy, and keep going into 2024.

[yuzu-all-the-way]

2023 European Championships (Men)

This is the only "Impressions" post I'll be doing for 2023 EC

Let's start with the good:

Every skater fought like hell in the free, but the energy was the same throughout the SP and FS: CHAOTIC

Some skaters could've flopped harder and nobody would've been upset, though, it is what it is. We'll take a non-problematic skater podium

The best surprise of the evening: Lukas on the podium in 3rd.

The breath of relief released as Adam finished his skate and his TES at that moment was around 86, close to Matteo's. That's the moment Adam became the new Men's European Champion and I knew it (screamed so loud I had my cat yowl at me for waking him up)

It was a more relaxed competition (from my viewer POV) than others like Worlds or GPF. I honestly just rooted for a Adam, Deniss, Kevin podium (after the SP). Previously, I really thought Deniss had the highest chance of becoming European Champion.

And now, the bad, the very bad, and the downright horrendous:

The jumps were all over the place, so, yes, the men were menning and they were menning hard (not apologizing for the repetition)

Kevin and Deniss... I has such high hopes for both of them. I know both can pull off beautiful coherent, clean programs, and yet, the men energy was with them. I felt so bad for Kevin, especially at the end when there was a brief shot of him crying... I absolutely love his Gladiator SP and his energy is infectious. A skater that I consider to be part of the "old guard" of athleticism-and-artistry. Deniss, another skater that holds up to that standard... he was done dirty by the judges, by their incompetence. I wish people would be more vocal now (RIGHT NOW) and actively tag ISU (on twitter, IG, whatever) and TALK about the ridiculousness of Deniss' scoring. To sum up: Deniss was so good at bringing art on ice that the judges decided to give him 2 invalid ChSq instead of upping his PCS.

Chris (commentator) needs a whole lesson on compassion - if he ever thinks we'll ever feel sympathy for Saltoe who's been actively participating in Russian ice shows over the summer that were pro-war ... get out!!!

The presence of Russian coaches at the boards doesn't sit well with me and I'd love for them to be forbidden to step foot anywhere close to a competition ice rink (they can fall off the side of the Earth for all I care)

[crushedstargirl]

sirius black nswf alphabet!!

hope you enjoy <33

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after)

sirius would be bomb as fuck- don’t lie. he’d get very tired unless he wants to go for another’s round… he would clean you up and kiss you softly before drifting off with u in his arms.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

he would LOVE his own hands. he would like how easily he can make you cum with them and how he can hold you perfectly. for yours he would definitely love your thighs and ass, though he is obsessed with every part of you.

 

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically…)

siri would adore coming on you then cleaning you up or letting you sit for a while. he would go feral for coming down your throat if you okayed it ovi.

 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

sirius definitely has invited someone or gotten caught by someone while doing it. it was probably remus and why waste more hands?

 

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

we all have heard the rumors. he is very experienced but makes everything with you special. he would take control and absolutely know his way around someone.

 

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying.)

sirius would need to see your face so doggy with a MIRROR is a must. he also loves cowgirl because he can touch you so easily.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

he is fs goofy with everyone. he would crack jokes at first to make you feel comfortable but once you’re more hot and heavy he immediately switches to serious, sirius.

 

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

manscapes regularly. he wouldn’t want you fully bare but just like how he cleans himself up he’d expect the same from you but wouldn’t mind it.

 

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

 

sirius isn’t intimate with just anyone but once you’re over the whole ‘just a hook up’ thing then it’d be very romantic and special.

 

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

used to a lot but now that he has you, he doesn’t need to as much. of course if he really is missing you he’ll sneak away to the bathroom or his closed curtain bed and imagine you on your knees.

 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

here we go…

body worship

voyeurism 

bondage

praise kink

degradation 

edging

corruption kink

sir/roleplay

hair pulling

chokeing

public

biting

spanking

TEASING

marks marks marks




L = Location (Favourite places to do they do)

literally anywhere. kitchens. his dorm. your dorm. astronomy tower. broom closets. classrooms. bathrooms. he would go insane for public shit and knowing you could be caught at any time.

 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

you. sirius would like seeing you flustered or accidentally doing/saying something dirty. seeing you in your uniform too !!

 

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

NEVER. would he EVER. want to harm you. he would draw the line at something that would hurt for multiple days. he also wouldn’t do anything you don’t like so.

 

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

LOVES giving it. worshipping you is one of his favs. but he also loves you going down on him. either way he’s happy.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

v e r s a t i l e. he would need to be in a mood for each. but mostly if it’s after a bad quidditch match he’d want to go fast or if you just had a romantic date he’d go slow and savior every part of you every time.

 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

since you’re both so busy with school and life you would probably be having too many quickies. in between classes or before practice he would just need to see you. though he finds time for longer and more special meet ups.

 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

YESYESYES. again, sirius would be up to most likely anything. if he finds anything new he would want to try or if you spark something in him he would love.

 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

so many rounds. just being with you gets him hyped up. but of course we al need breaks so it would depend on the situation. lasting wise it would differ but it’s hard since he’s so damn attracted to you.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

oh so many. anything he could get his hands on. that special shop in hogsmeade is often visited by him and he would love to surprise you and try things on you.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

lots lots and lots. he would love seeing you get all flustered and hot. he would get annoyed at you doing it but would secretly never want you to stop.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

sirius has a range. he would whimper and moan in your ear whenever he wanted but when coming undone he would fucking howl. begging loudly and whining is his specialty.

 

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

no matter what you wore would be hot but something about you in his clothes… he would watch you walk around in his shirt and nothing else and loose it. it public he would see you with his leather jacket and pull you off to the side. he would also tease you in public majorly and as soon as you ran your mouth he would pull you in closer as the bulge in his pants grew.

 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on under those clothes.)

look, we all know he’s a quidditch guy. he’s slim but has enough meet on his bones. he has abs with a straight v line leading down… his dick is big. there you go. he’s not average but not overly large. just the perfect amount of thickness and length to please you.

 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

sirius loves sex. he likes anything that comes close. there’s rarely a time he would say no to you.

 

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterward) 

he would stay up late most nights just doing shit with his friends but with you, after sex he would be different. he’d get sleepy but would make sure you fell asleep first.

[myjunkisyuzuruhanyu]

How confident are you that shoma is gonna win nhk? That competition is stacked with talent and I'm a little worried...

Another anon sended this: I'm a bit worried about nhk now not gonna lie

Don't worry...or at least not about Shoma. I know y'all mean well but don't underestimate Shoma. It's his title to lose.

I am very confident that Shoma will win. 😊

Why? Look at Skate Canada, he wasn't exactly clean in either program and wasn't even judged that nicely (still questioning that UR on the 3A in the free) and he still safely won the competition. At Skate Canada he lacked some of his technical content and still scored higher than all the competitors he faces at NHK. Ok the others weren't completely clean either but - and this is important - none of them has Shoma's technical ability. Contrary to the other competitors he can allow mistakes to happen and still win. He has 5 quads and two 3As with if landed cleanly give him massive GOEs as well! The others have if at all 4 quads. None can compare in PCS either. His personal best scores top his rivals by far and even when he posted those scores for the free he still didn't skate a clean program, means there is still room for more points.

Let's look at the technical ability if the others: For the SP: Kazuki Tomono, Adam and Sota Yamamoto do two quads, but with lower BV than Shoma. Junhwan Cha and Matteo Rizzo do one quad. For the FS: Adam and Sota have 4 quads. Matteo and Kazuki Tomono have 3 quads. Junhwan Cha has 2 quads and a difficult Loop combo. So just from the technical content alone they can't win over Shoma unless Shoma bombs horribly, which I strongly doubt.

And another factor comes to play, sorry to say that but he also faces rather inconsistent skaters besides Adam, who is making less mistakes than the others so far this season. I think at IdF (as sad as I was about it) you could see that neither Kazuki (😭) nor Sota were able to handle the pressure. Both looked fine in practice, but couldn't manage to deliver a good free skate. I don't see how in a competition where there is the GPF at stake there is less pressure for them.

I don't think Shoma is beatable even on a bad day and that's not blind fan love. Shoma may not be the most consistent skater either, but Shoma has still a better success rate on his quads in competition than all of his rivals.

Also Shoma has a good track record for NHK. He entered the NHK two times and he won two times comfortably. He is Japan's top skater and the current world champion and this should play into his favor too. Another advantage is that he doesn't have to travel far for the competition that he doesn't have to deal with timezone change or different food or whatever.

And btw Shoma only needs a 4th place finish to get to the GPF (same for Adam btw) that should make him rather relaxed for the competition compared to the others who obviously know what technical content Shoma can deliver, so know that Shoma likely wins and see their chances of qualifying for the GPF being slim even if they medal.

(I would say all other previous GP medalists are rather on the same level. I would say Adam is a bit ahead as he showed very good results at IdF, but not by much.)

Tbh the one I mostly worry about is Kazuki. He really hardly ever gets it together when it counts. And I am very sad that probably neither of Jun and Kazuki who I root next to Shoma with all my heart will make it to the GPF...*sigh*

[triplelutzmoreliketriplecry]

BOING BOING MAN HAS QUALIFIED YESSSSS

[shespeaksinsongs]

🎀 my melody - send me a sfw idea hc about a hp character and i'll either write a hc list, or tell you what i think of it!

Oh God he's so clingy

yes fs. very fluffy content ahead. fluffier than the blurb i wrote that i said was the fluffiest thing i'd ever written. i was wrong. this is fluffier.

waking up in the morning and trying to leave never works out how you need it to. "five more minutes" turns into "fifteen more minutes" turns into "forever", until you look at the clock and realize both of you are gonna be late if you don't get up and get ready now.

"bye, baby." he says sadly, hugging you tightly, as you furrow your eyebrows and speak.

"draco, we literally work in the same office, why are you saying goodbye to me?"

draco swings your hands, interlacing his fingers with yours again. "i know, but our cubicles are so far away."

you sigh, looking behind you where your desks wait for you. "they're literally right next to each other."

always kisses you before you leave, even if it's just to go get something from the other room. and when you do come back, his hands are always on you, tight on him. he loves kisses sm. anywhere, not just on your lips, although that's his favorite place to put them. he just thinks your lips are so soft and warm.

separation anxiety :( you bring him with you on all your business trips, and he brings you on his, because he can't stand being apart from you.

always telling you he loves you. even if you're not leaving. you could be laying on his chest in bed, just holding him as he's carding his fingers through your hair, whispering how much he loves you. he's glad you don't find it cheesy, either. you wish you could put your feelings for him into words as perfectly as he does.

loves massages, especially giving them. he's so tender and careful with you. it usually has a *happy ending*, but not in a rough, extremely erotic way. more in a "i love you so much, i'm so grateful we're going to be together for the rest of our lives" kind of way.

which leads me to his aftercare. ugh, this man is the king of it. after he cleans you up, he loves taking a bath, but sometimes neither of you can wait to just get under the covers and cuddle. most nights you cockwarm him, different positions, but always close to him, never letting him stray too far.

another thing: when he sleeps, he never inches away from you. he's always as close to you as possible. but because he's a man, and tall, he's warm all the time, which doesn't come in very handy during the summertime.

you: draco, i'm going to faint from heat exhaustion.

draco, feigning concern: aww, i'll take care of you, don't worry, baby.

sometimes you catch him crying alone after he realizes, time and time again, that he really could not have asked for anyone better to spend his days with. he loves everything about you, and there's not one thing he'd change.

"don't cry, baby. if you cry, you'll make me cry." you say, already tearing up as draco presses his face into the crook of your neck, sniffling.

you can feel his smile against your shoulder as he speaks, between tears. "oh, come on, love, you know i'm better at that than you."

loves pet names. literally only refers to you by your actual name when with your family, friends, or co-workers. cannot resist calling you his angel, or "love", or "baby".

sometimes he wonders if he's too much. you express how happy you are with him, and how he's changed your life for the better every day, but still, he can't help but feel as though he clings on to you too much. so sometimes, he detaches. it'll be days without him coming up to hug you, or kissing you goodnight, despite how much he wishes he could. so you confront him about it one day.

"draco, you haven't been acting like yourself. what's wrong, darling?" you ask, sitting him down on the couch next to you, trying to get him to lie his head on your lap, one of your favorite positions with him.

draco looks at the floor, his hands on your thighs as he looks up at you, who's massaging his head gently. "am i too clingy?"

you shake your head, looking at him as if he had two heads. "not at all. where'd you get that idea from, baby?" you ask, frowning at the feeling that all these days, he'd been distancing himself because he thought you were tired of him.

draco shrugged slightly, a knot still in his eyebrows. "just thought you were finally getting tired of me. thought i'd done it."

you laughed, adjusting yourself you were lying down next to him, pulling his body on top of yours, your legs tangled with each other.

"merlin, draco. you think so much. it makes you thoughtful, but sometimes you can be quite daft." you say, poking at his cheek, smiling at his relieved laughter.

"i don't think anyone on earth will ever love anyone else as much as i love you. and i'll love you more and more until we have no more days left." you said, pressing a passionate kiss to his lips, one that he'd eagerly been awaiting.

he hugged you tighter, kissing you tenderly, anywhere he could. "thank you, my love."

you smiled, rubbing his back slowly, watching his eyes close and a small smile form on his lips. "i'd do anything for you, dray."

[genshin-impact-fics]

Streamer!Genshin Reacting to Character!(Y/N) Dying in Game

!Warning!: Major character deaths & angst

Characters: Diluc, Venti, Childe, & Zhongli

Diluc:

It was a race to get inside one of the bases of the Abyss Order to put a stop to whatever plans they were in the process of executing that could potentially put many lives in danger. Diluc was rather calm while playing though it would be a lie to say that it wasn’t a bit annoying that the route to the domain was timed

It was once inside the domain did things pick up fast as it seemed to be a fighting wave system which after beating the first two rooms there was a short scene where in the end Lisa and Amber stayed behind to hold off the incoming enemies so the rest of the group could go further. It seemed like forever doing some of the puzzles to unlock the doors to reach the next fight

In that fourth room after the defeat of hilichurls and abyss mages did suddenly a short cut scene appear to show the appearance of an Abyss Lector. As remembering how much he hated fighting this guy in the spiral abyss he already knew what he was in for; however that was until your character stepped forward with your weapon ready. Diluc was actually sad to have to leave you behind as he was hoping that you’d be one of the characters that went with him to the very end

“I think I’ve watched enough shows and movies to know what this could be leading up to.” He’d comment to his viewers as he finally reached the destination where the Abyss Herald was. Finishing the fight triggered another cutscene as the traveler’s sibling appeared and was making their small speech, asking if the lives of the “friends” the traveler made were worth losing

Diluc is watching with a straight face as he kinda expected this but the who was what he wasn’t sure about and truthfully the only one he’d be truly heartbroken about is your death, but they wouldn’t kill you now of all times right? Wrong; soon the cutscene finally came across where they had left you and you were leaning against the wall extremely injured with your weapon laying beside you. Diluc is frowning cuz he has to watch you die now

Listening to your final words as you spoke to no one Diluc would sulk in his chair a little. In the last moment before your eyes closed, if you mentioned something about not getting to tell his character your true feelings it is visible that Diluc looks like he wants to cry(but he doesn't). Once the screen showed the mission complete he’d grab the plush he had of your character and hold it looking at his camera. “Of all the characters I thought were going to die, I wasn’t ready for it to be (y/n).” At that point he’d probably call it a day from there but he’d still talk to his viewers as he probably would watch the tribute videos that fans had already made

Venti:

Everything was in chaos as it looked like archon war 2 was going to be taking place, but this time it was a war between the Abyss Order and the Archons. He was heading to Mondstadt to help and to check on you. Dvalin was flying around sending attacks at the abyss members. “Ah traveler there you are!” The sound of your voice as you landed before him; as weird as it was to see you in your archon robes was odd but you looked so good! After a short conversation you had gone flying off and it was time to get back to fighting

Things were looking good as it seemed like they were winning against the abyss order though it wasn’t over yet. It was until up in the air did a cutscene starting showing you and the traveler’s sibling fighting going at it. Venti is so captivated by how serious and cool you look fighting, but it all changed when the sibling landed a blow that caused you to fall from the sky ending up falling into the Whispering Woods

Venti couldn’t run fast enough to get to the woods to check up on you but when he did the first thing he saw was the sibling standing before you. He’s already sad and yelling at the sibling for hurting you though it seemed that now he was there the sibling went and disappeared revealing the real condition you were in. “No, no, no! This better not mean (y/n)’s dying.” He’d say in denial as he’s already starting to cry a little

“A-Ah Windblume h-haha… Sorry you have to see me like this.” Even in a moment like this you gave him such a cheesy grin until you seemed to grimace in pain. “Unfortunately it seems like… This is it for me. As long as the winds blow I will always be with you, so please watch over Mondstadt for me.” Your words were making Venti cry as it was like back in your story quest but only ten times worse. And to think it was already painful as it was your next words that did him in. “Maybe in another life we will find each other again and maybe then we can be together.”

Watching you start to glow until you turned into partials of light till nothing of you was left, Venti is devastated. The chat is crying with him as he’s saying how awful it was that his sibling had killed the love of his life! His viewers are going to send him fanart and fics to look at that was an alternative that you lived in the game

Childe:

It was a big fight with the confrontation of the Fatui Harbingers, facing off against one of the other stronger members that blocked the path to proceed to seeing the Tsaritsa. The boss’ first stage was fine; however during the second stage it seemed after losing a certain amount of health the damage that Childe was dealing significantly decreased.

It was when the cutscene started that Childe was already dreading the foul legacy form he’d be facing this time. You suddenly came out of nowhere and already in your foul legacy form yourself Childe is going crazy over how cool you look; he’s also swooning at the fact that you’ve come to his rescue. The fighting progressed until you landed a successful hit that weakened the other harbinger; however, at that same time the other harbinger managed to hit you with a powerful attack

Childe is screaming at the sight of your mask breaking while you fell to the ground. He’s so glad that his character is running over to check on you instead of the fight picking right up, but he’s already feeling the feels hit him hard cuz he hates seeing you hurt. Seeing you back to normal, the damage you sustained was really bad; then the worst thought came to his mind. “This-This better not be what I think it is,” he’s saying not looking away from the screen listening to you weakly talk

“Haha don’t give me that look sweetie, I couldn’t just let this be where your journey ends.” Hearing those words and the nickname you used for his character was sad. “To think we’d be able to travel together more, but hey… Promise you won’t stop fighting and could you look after my siblings for me.” Childe is literally crying now that the reality of the situation is clear. If he gets a choice of dialog to choose from he is going to pick the choice that says that he pinky promises

If your character smiled at the choice he wanted to smile but he’s also just sad, you were dying in his character's arms. If you had given a small love confession in the little bit of life that was in you, he’s going to ugly sob and once the fight was starting again he needs to pause by going into his bag

Immediately he goes getting his big plush of you and coming back to hug it and cleaning his tears with his sleeve before looking at the camera. “I wasn’t ready for this, my baby!” He was not expecting to be losing you; he figured that some characters would possibly die but you were the last character he thought would be killed off in the game. There’s Fs in the chat all around and the crying emote; it’s sad boi hours in this chili’s. He doesn't wanna do the fight but also he gotta avenge you so this last stage fight was for you. Afterwards he’s gonna go look at fanart and video edits

Zhongli:

After helping some of the other nations and their archon’s fend off the abyss order it was time he headed to Liyue to find you. Of course as usual it wasn’t going to be as easy as running around the harbor until he got word from Xiao that you were in Cuijue Slope. So he headed over to help you before anything seriously bad could happen to you

Getting to the open area there you were fighting against the sibling as you were even in your archon robes. Going in and interrupting the fight his sibling clearly looked annoyed and proceeded to try to get him to side with them which of course he didn’t. A Herald appeared to allow the sibling to get away which the fight with the Herald commenced

Just when Zhongli finished up the fight thinking he had won it strangely went to a cutscene as his character and you started to talk; however it was when the fallen Herald came out of nowhere about to attack his character but must to his surprise you shielded him not only taking the hit, but also using your elemental burst to finish off the enemy. Zhongli is frowning at how badly you were hurt as he already has a bad feeling this wasn’t going to end good; the traveler was helping you sit up after having fallen over

“I’m glad to see that you aren’t hurt my friend.” You said as you certainly have seen better days. “Sadly I believe my time has come… Do not be sad dear friend, I have lived many many years… As knowing you has been life changing. Though rocks change from erosion, know that no time will change how I felt about you.” Your words broke his heart as you had such a soft expression on your face as your body began to glow and before he knew it you turned into particles of light and disappeared. He probably wouldn’t cry at most maybe a tear but he is clearly upset about your passing in game and would take a break to talk to his viewers and maybe look at the fanart that surprisingly had been put out already

[absolutepokemontrash]

MC is Half Demon and They Look Awfully Familiar

(Underground Tomb edition!)

Hello friends and degenerate sinners, this is basically a mini headcanon set for Luci’s kid!MC about how the incident with Luke and the Grimoire would go down in this AU to tide you all over until Part 3 comes out! Enjoy!

It was a normal night in the good ol’ HOL... Lucifer was doing paperwork at an ungodly hour of the night, Beel was in the kitchen, and Mammon was screaming and running for dear life. Ah... sweet normalcy.

The custard incident remained the same, MC got force-fed custard and Beel threw a truly fantastic hunger tantrum that culminated in the wall connecting to MC’s room collapsing.

Cue lecture from Luci-father.

“I am very disappointed in you three.” Lucifer rubbed his temples as MC, Beel, and Mammon awkwardly stood in his room. Mammon of course, was trying to avoid the death glares MC was giving him. Poor bastard.

“Especially you two, MC and Beel.”

“Whuh?!” Mammon sputtered. “What about me?!”

“I expect this from you. These two on the other hand,” Lucifer raised an eyebrow at MC who was awkwardly trying to suppress a laugh at Mammon’s aghast expression. “Should know not to act like this.”

“We’re *snrk* sorry, father,” MC paused to try and muscle through a giggle. “It won’t happen again.”

“He ate my custard...” Beel pouted.

“So, MC won’t be able to use their room anymore due to the wall... collapsing.” Lucifer gave Beel a pointed glare.

Mammon smirked, and if he were sitting on a couch, we would have leaned back and kicked his feet up. “Well, obviously since I’m a kind and generous soul I’ll open up my room for poor MC to stay in. My babysittin’ rates are quite high though-”

“BABYSITTING?!” MC snarled, giving Mammon a death glare that could probably kill lesser demons.

Lucifer felt a twinge of pride upon seeing his child give someone his signature bone-chilling glare, if he weren’t supposed to be disappointed he would have given MC a pat on the head and let them hang Mammon from the ceiling.

“Uh- heh- MC, I’m your favourite uncle! Me babysittin’ ya should be an honour!” Mammon was sweating bullets and desperately looking to Beel for help.

“Levi is rapidly approaching favourite uncle status.” MC crossed their arms and huffed.

“Levi?! Wait- does that mean I was your favourite-”

Lucifer was almost tempted to stick MC in Mammon’s room just to have MC punish Mammon so he could get some sleep, tragically, his common sense won out. “MC will be staying with Beel. He has an extra bed in his room after all.”

MC looked over at Beel and smiled. “Could be worse, right? I’ll replace the custard.”

Beel’s smile upon hearing the last part could have lit up the entire Devildom. What a sweetie.

MC still chilled in Beel’s room. They finally got to ask more questions about Belphie, and Beel is more inclined to share what’s up because MC is his big bro’s kid after all!

Because of MC’s half demon-ness, they hadn’t met Belphie at that point in the story unlike in canon. They were just curious about their missing uncle. They ALSO already knew what Belphie looks like because Lucifer gave them an in depth tour of everything and he pointed out all the portraits.

MC, being the sadistic sweetheart they are, went out and bought themselves and Beel replacement custard. MC made sure to eat it right in front of Mammon.

But my oh my, who was texting them? *gasp!* Luke!

MC obviously let their little angel buddy into the house (Luke did not know about MC’s parental situation at that point, keep that in mind). Luke was fun to tease a little after all! And it was nice to have another kid around, but MC would never admit it.

Since MC had literally no reason to be afraid of their dear old dad, they went right up to him and asked him if Luke could stay over. No fear.

“Father?” MC leaned on the doorway to the backyard, Lucifer was playing fetch with Cerberus. MC had never seen someone play fetch so robotically.

“Yes, MC?” Cerberus’ middle head dropped a slobber covered squeaky toy into Lucifer’s gloved hand, the other two heads snapped at the middle one.

“Can I have a friend over?” MC asked, trotting over to give Cerberus some pets. On the first day the dog had tried to eat them, but after giving him some much tastier bacon treats, Cerberus was sweet as pie. Murderous and dangerous pie, that is.

“Do I know this friend?”

“Yes, it’s Luke. Can he stay over?”

Lucifer wrinkled his nose and rolled his eyes. “Cerberus is right here, you have access to a dog. Why on earth would you bring the chihuahua over?”

MC snorted and gave Cerberus’ right head some scratches behind the ears. “He’s not a chihuahua all the time, come on, it’s for the good of the exchange program!”

The two had a stare down for a little while, and to his absolute horror, Lucifer felt his resolve cracking. This child of his was too adorable for their own good. “Fine, MC.”

“Yes!” MC fist pumped as Cerberus’ middle and left heads tried to join in on the ear scritches.

“But note,” Lucifer continued. “I expect a full report to give to Lord Diavolo on this whole experience.”

MC frowned and debated sticking their tongue out at their father, they decided against it. “A paper? On a sleepover? Really?”

“Yes. Really.” Lucifer gave MC a flick on the nose. “Like you said, it has to do with the exchange program. Now go make sure the chihuahua doesn’t die and leave you with a mess to clean up.”

The look of complete terror Luke gave MC when they told him that Lucifer said he could stay over was completely worth the paper they were going to have to write.

“What?! You weren’t supposed to tell him I’m here!”

“He said you could stay.”

“Why?! Oh no... did he demand your soul as payment or something?! MC! You shouldn’t have put yourself in that nasty demon’s debt! Don’t worry, I’ll get your soul back somehow.”

MC should have been offended... but they weren’t. I mean, could you stay mad at Luke when he just offered to fight arguably the second most powerful demon in the Devildom to get your soul back?

Now that Luke’s presence in the house was known to everyone, the challenge was no longer keeping Luke hidden, it was making sure Luke didn’t say anything that would get him killed and making sure none of the demon bros made Luke cry.

Mammon was the main culprit of the teasing because Lucifer actually had better things to do. And he had a (totally not a) date with Diavolo so he’d be back late and wouldn’t be home to tease the chihuahua.

Mammon’s status as favourite uncle was hanging by a thread by the end of the first day.

Asmo thought Luke was positively adorable and also very annoying. He offered to paint MC and Luke’s nails. Luke declined, but MC was all for it. (Their cuticles were a MESS by the way, they needed the manicure.)

Luke’s nails were painted gold to match the gold on his outfit! Asmo was quite proud of his work, and was very offended when he was not allowed to try and braid Luke’s hair.

“It looks so soft!”

“You’re not allowed to touch my hair, demon!”

Satan still disliked MC on the basis that they were just a mini-Lucifer and hung out in his room or the library to avoid them and Luke.

It was incredibly annoying when Luke and MC burst into the library to look for cookbooks and treat recipes after Luke told MC about his baking endeavours. Satan debated ordering a pair of ear plugs on Akuzon...

Or perhaps a laser gun...

Both would make him stop hearing the children’s grating voices.

“You two, be quiet.”

“We haven’t spoken since we got in here...”

“You’re breathing too loud.”

Beel remained the only brother who was actually decent to Luke, they all played Go Fish in Beel’s room.

Levi was in his room playing his new video game just like in canon, but he could hear Luke and MC running around outside his room.

He was fully prepared to do that introvert thing where you stay in your room until you hear someone say goodbye to the guest.

Levi’s eyes were glued to his computer screen, just eight more skeleton monsters to kill and he’d get the achievement! His attention crumbled the moment he heard the dreaded sound of...

Guests...

“Hey MC! Whose room is this?”

The sound of a door opening and closing down the hall caused Levi to jump in his seat. Oh no... his worst fears were realized! There was another person in the house!

“That’s Asmodeus’ room. Luke you shouldn’t go around opening everyone’s doors-”

The sound of another door opening and shutting made Levi pause his game and look at Henry 2.0 for help. Maybe if he jumped into the tank and wrapped himself in his tail he’d camouflage into his surroundings...

BAM!

AAAAA! Not enough time! The guest was drawing nearer... he was going to have to... *barf*... SOCIALIZE!

“How about this room?”

Levi braced himself for the incoming social contact... Fs in the chat everyone...

“We shouldn’t bother Levi, let’s do something else.”

HAJEKDJSJSJSJD- BEEL! BEEL JUST SAVED LEVI’S LIFE!

The poor third born slumped back in his seat, the awfulness of socialization avoided. He uh... hadn’t actually left his room in maybe three days... maybe he should actually go outside... enjoy the nonexistent sunlight, y’know?

...nah. Levi went back to his game.

Since the kitchen was broken, Beel, MC, and Luke went out and get AkuDonald’s. They were all out of the toy that Luke and MC wanted so that trip was a disaster! A disaster I say!

Just the image of Beel happily chomping on his eighth burger while Luke and MC angrily pick at their fries makes me want to laugh.

Now the question you’re all waiting for, did Lucifer try and kill Luke and Beel and then MC for trying to take the Grimoire?

N O

“Whose room is behind that door?” Luke pointed to the door to the attic staircase.

MC shrugged and hit their knuckles against the door a few times. “It’s just the door to the attic. My uh- Lucifer said not to go up there because it’s just full of old junk.”

Normally MC would scoff at the idea of being told what not to do and do it out of spite, but MC was a child, and like most children, they hated scary attics. They hadn’t even attempted to open the door in the month they had lived in the house.

“Hm, maybe he’s hiding something...” Luke puffed out his cheeks and knocked on the door. When met with no answer, Luke turned the doorknob. The door creaked open, and the two peeked inside.

A tall spiral staircase greeted them as they tentatively stepped inside. Not so-good Lord, the room was freezing, but it didn’t seem to bother Luke as he walked further into the room.

“What do you think’s up there?” Luke asked, craning his neck to try and get a look at what could be at the top of the stairs.

MC shuddered and crossed their arms. “Like Lucifer said, junk. Nothing important.”

There was a tingling feeling at the base of MC’s neck, their hand flew to the spot only to find nothing, but the uneasiness didn’t cease. Something was very... very off. A shudder creeped up their spine as Luke stepped closer to the staircase.

“Come on,” Luke tutted, placing a hand on the railing. “Demons are known liars!”

Luke was quite difficult to be friends with sometimes, MC had to admit.

With every step Luke took up the stairs, the sense of dread brewing in MC’s gut grew, but they remained rooted to the spot, it was almost like something was physically stopping them from getting closer to those stairs.

Luke stopped on the sixth step and craned his neck to look up again. “Hello?” He called out.

His little voice echoed up the staircase, he was met with no reply for a moment, until a massive shudder wracked both his and MC’s spines.

“Hello.” A voice replied.

Quick as lightning MC dove forward, taking three steps up the stairs despite what felt like electric shocks stabbing into their skin, and yanked Luke back down the stairs and out the door, closing it behind them. MC heard a lazy, carefree chuckle reverberate through their head, and a message that only MC could hear.

“Leaving so soon, Lucifer?”

...

Spooky right?

Anyway- back to Luke and MC being idiots together.

They headed back to Beel’s room to watch some Devildom kid shows, I assume Tom and Jerry just played on repeat.

Luke explained the reason he ran away from Purgatory Hall, and MC legitimately debated whether or not they should throw Luke out of the nearest window for all the jabs he was taking at demons.

“Simeon was going to go out for tea with Diavolo! He even said that I could ask Barbatos to instruct me on the finer points of baking!”

“What’s so bad about that?”

“They’re demons, MC! Simeon and I are angels from the Celestial Realm! We shouldn’t be consorting with demons.”

Once again, bless Beel and his lack of murderous rage when it came to anything other than food.

“MC, Lucifer would be upset if you broke a window.”

“What’s he talking about?”

“Nothing Luke, nothing you need to worry about.”

Don’t worry, no angels were harmed during the visit.

On day two of the extended sleepover, Luke and MC decided to go running around the house again.

“And this is the basement.” MC put their hands on their hips and kissed their teeth as they looked around the Underground tomb. “Perfectly creepy.”

Luke shuddered. “Is this house nothing but one creepy room after another..?”

MC smiled and stuck out their tongue. Their fear of the attic did not extend to the underground tomb. Not that they were actually afraid of the attic or anything...

“Why? You scared some big monster is gonna getcha?” MC teased.

“No!” Luke gasped. “I’m not scared!”

MC began to walk backwards into the darker depths of the tomb, their teasing tone echoing off of the walls. “Then come on! Don’t be chicken!”

Luke looked back and forth from the door out of there, to the rapidly disappearing figure of MC, he rushed after MC.

“I’m not scared of some dark basement.” Luke huffed.

“Why not~?” MC snickered. “There could be ghosts down here... tortured souls of those who were damned to Hell for all eternity~!”

MC swiped Luke’s hat and placed it on their head, Luke jumped at the sudden contact and began to try and get the hat back from MC.

“Stop trying to scare me!” Luke yapped, MC laughed and began to jog deeper into the tomb.

“Maybe there’s a monster that eats chihuahuas down here too! Who knows!” MC twirled the hat with their fingers and ran a little faster when Luke ran after them.

“I AM NOT A CHIHUAHUA!”

Sure, maybe it wasn’t the best course of action to tease and scare one’s friend instead of telling them what they said earlier was mean, but MC wasn’t the best at decision making.

When MC reached a dead end, they stopped and looked around, Luke crashed right into them. He managed to swipe his hat back from a now disinterested MC.

MC’s gaze landed on a book being held up by a statue, they padded over and looked up at it.

“Luke, do you know what that is?” MC asked, turning to look at their now very miffed friend.

“The... book? I don’t know.”

Truthfully, MC didn’t know either. During their first tour of the house, Mammon had interrupted the Underground tomb segment and Lucifer had to cut the tour short.

“It’s uh...” MC pursed their lips and tried to think of a convincing lie. “A spell book. Lucifer told me that it makes your magic really really strong, so he stuck it down here to hide it from Solomon.”

“Did I now?”

MC and Luke screamed and whirled around, there stood Lucifer himself, not looking terribly pleased with the two of them.

“MC, care to explain why you and the angel are so close to the Grimoire?” Lucifer’s words were icily calm, and MC knew that meant if they didn’t come up with a good explanation they’d be in big trouble.

“W-we were just playing down here...” MC trailed off, looking to Luke for some kind of backup before realizing what a stupid idea that was.

“Y-yeah! We were just-”

Lucifer stuck his thumb over his shoulder and glowered at the two. “Out.”

“Yes sir.” Luke and MC mumbled as they stepped away from the Grimoire, Lucifer relaxed slightly as the two walked past him and down the hall.

When the two got back up to Beel’s room, Luke suddenly gasped and turned to MC.

“You said it was a spell book!”

After that, MC got the feeling that Luke was no longer welcome in the house. What was the big deal about almost touching the Grimoire anyway? It could only override pacts and control demons-

Oh.

Balls.

Simeon got called to pick up Luke and before the two of them left MC assured Luke that he could come over and hang out anytime as long as he texted first.

Beel said Luke could come over and bake when the kitchen was fixed, poor Beel would have to do without Luke’s baked goods for a little while longer.

MC rested their chin on the coffee table they were kneeling in front of, stewing in annoyance. Their unfinished homework was practically mocking them, but the Demonology textbook was not what had them in their funk.

“MC, do your homework.” Lucifer said from the living room couch, he was comparing his phone to notes in a binder that was placed on his lap.

A grunt from MC caused him to raise an eyebrow. Their grasp on demonic language had improved, but Lucifer did not approve of them using their new skill to sass him.

“MC.” Lucifer chided, MC turned to look at him with a deadpan expression. “If there’s something wrong, either tell me, or do your work without complaining.”

MC turned back to their homework and tapped their pencil against the textbook, before puffing out their cheek and turning back to Lucifer.

“What’s in the attic?”

For the briefest of moments, Lucifer froze, he forcibly relaxed and went back to his work.

“Junk.” Lucifer replied. “Did you try and go up there?”

MC shook their head. “No, I went into the staircase room, but not up the stairs.”

Lucifer’s eyes flashed, he then took a deep breath and looked at MC. “Good, there’s nothing of interest up there anyway. If you did go up there you might break something or hurt yourself.”

“Okay.” MC sighed, trying to push the voice from the attic out of their mind. “What about the Grimoire? Why is it down in the tomb?”

Lucifer could feel his patience growing thinner and thinner with every question. “So it doesn’t fall into the wrong hands.”

“Why not just destroy it?” MC asked, their question wasn’t meant to be taken as an insult or be malicious, it was just legitimate curiosity. “Wouldn’t that be safer?”

The first born hesitated before he answered. He looked over MC, before shaking his head. “...I’ll tell you when you’re older.”

MC’s eyes narrowed, but they went back to their work all the same. It would be about ten minutes of quiet before MC spoke up again.

“When Belphegor gets back from the human world, you’re going to have a lot of explaining to do, huh?”

Lucifer’s eyes snapped up to look at MC, who still had their back turned to him as they scribbled notes from the textbook. His grip on his DDD tightened as he replied.

“Why do you say that, MC?”

MC didn’t seem to register their father’s clipped tone, and shrugged. “Beel said that he isn’t answering his texts or calls, and when he sent up a letter Belphegor didn’t respond to that either.”

“The life of an exchange student is a busy one, as you can see.” Lucifer forcibly injected his last bit of remaining calmness into his words as he gestured at MC’s homework. MC laughed at that.

“Yeah well, I still make time to call my friends and ren back up in the human world.” MC giggled. “And I’m sure those text notifications about his older brother discovering that he has a child would make him pick up the phone.”

“Belphegor might have a much larger workload.” Lucifer retorted, trying to keep himself from snapping at MC.

“But still, you’d think he’d call his-”

“MC-” Lucifer snarled, MC whirled around, the fear and shock in their eyes caused anything Lucifer was going to say to die in his throat.

The two stared at each other for a few seconds, before Lucifer took another deep breath and turned back to his work.

“Not right now, MC,” Lucifer whispered. “I’m working.”

...

To be continued...

[gaysimpsstuff]

Flightless Birds Chapter Four: Birds of a Feather

Chapter One Here

Chapter Two Here

Chapter Three Here

Chapter Five Here

READ THE WARNINGS BEFORE READING THIS FIC! THIS ONE GETS PRETTY DARK!  I DO NOT CONDONE ANY OF THE ACTIONS OF HAWKS OR Y/N’S MOTHER IN THIS! IF ANY OF THIS TRIGGERS YOU, STOP READING IMMEDIATELY AND SEEK COMFORT!  I WILL COMFORT ANYONE WHO GETS TRIGGERED BY THIS, SO DM ME IF YOU WANT A HUG!

Summary: Y/n wakes up in their new home, and learns the rules of living with Hawks. But it makes them sick to their stomach to have to keep their eyes open here.

Word Count: 3K Words

Warnings: abuse, mentions of drugs, gaslighting and manipulation, extreme toxic behavior, abuse, choking, crying, mentions of rape and sexual assault, vomiting, PTSD, abusive parents, PTSD flashbacks, physical abuse, cliffhangers

Other: I’m so sorry this took forever to come out, I had a shit ton of other drafts I was working on. Reader has enough hair to pull on. 

Flightless Birds Taglist: @smolchildfangirl @combat-wombatus @cathy8taffy @1small-frogs @catcherisvibin @waffleareniceandfluffy @mandalorian-baby-bird @theblueslytherin @hawksadmirer @assassinslittlesister @deepcollectorphantom @thesubtlewhore

Ow.

Owwwww.

Sharp white snakes of fire were shooting up your spine, but the rest of your body was ice cold. You wanted to scream, but you just didn’t have the strength to. Your whole body was so heavy, you felt like a rock falling beneath the waves, drowning helplessly as the person who threw you in laughed.

Laughter…

Who was laughing?

Behind the laughter was music, you listened to all the notes, beautiful Cs, Ds, Es, and Fs tied together in half steps. 

Of course it was in minor key.

It wasn’t a song or an artist you recognized though, and it didn’t sound like it was coming from a phone or speaker. 

Someone was playing the piano.

You needed to open your eyes. 

But fuck it if it wasn’t gonna l be difficult. 

You felt like your body was made of lead, and opening your eyes was going to be like lifting a truck.

A bright blob of white light pierced your pupils as you peeled back your eyelids, finally seeing your surroundings.

There was a flat white ceiling staring down at you, and a silver fan was whirring away, white light burning your retinas.

The walls were light blue, clean and bright. It looked fresh, the room still smelled like paint. You hissed, pushing yourself up to a sitting position. As you moved, you felt something soft brush against your neck.

You slowly lifted one hand to your neck, grabbing at it. You felt leather and metal pressing against your palm. A soft feather was attacked to a small metal loop. You tugged on it, trying to detach it from your collar.

It wouldn’t budge.

You let go of the feather, letting your arm flop to your side. You felt exhausted, and everything was so foggy. What the hell was happened? Where were you? Where was Izanagi?

You heard a loud creak, and the realization hit you that the music had stopped. When did it stop?

“I-Izanagi?” You whimpered, trying to focus your eyes on the blurry figure in front of you. You saw tanned skin, something yellowish on their head, and two large red blobs behind them.

You heard the person coo, and felt their gentle fingers on your face, tilting you up by the chin.

“No no, Izanagi’s not here, my dear~” you felt your blood run cold, and you attempted to push the creature away. He was like a rock wall, unmoving and unaffected.

“No-“ you whimpered “please go away!” 

“Tsk tsk tsk” your vision was slowly starting to clear, the only thing blocking you from seeing your captor clearly were the tears building up in your widened eyes. 

“I’m not going to leave my love alone like this, now should I? That would be so irresponsible of me~” his voice was calm, smooth like honey, and it made you want to scream. “I’ve worked so hard to get you here, I need to make sure you feel so comfortable! That’s why I’m here~”

“Hawks.” His golden eyes lit up when you murmured his hero name. He nodded happily. 

“Yes, yes you recognize me! The drug must have worn off for the most part by now… how do you feel?” His face was awfully close to you, and his hot breath fanned out over your face.

“Scared, please let me go.” You muttered. He sighed, shaking his head.

“Dumb little birdy.” He tutted. “You shouldn’t go outside, y’know. Too dangerous for a pretty little thing like yourself! Tell me how you feel.”

“I feel like leaving.” You were slowly regaining your physical strength, and your eyes darted to every corner of the room. There was a window, locked and boarded up. There was the door, wide open. 

Just outside you could see a hallway, a little dark table with a vase on it. You could run out there, grab the vase and smash it. You could threaten him with it and maybe get to the front door, wherever that was.

You felt Hawks’ hand lower from your face to your chin, squeezing your cheeks together so your lips poked out in a cute pout. He pressed his forehead against yours, and you could feel him growling.

“I said, you’re not fucking leaving. Did I not make myself clear?” You sniffled pitifully.

“You’re scaring me, Hawks.” You whined. He softened again, letting go of you and leaning back.

“I’m so sorry, Baby Bird. Don’t you worry though, so long as you listen to me, I won’t have to be scary again.” You nodded, moving quickly to smack him hard in the nose and dash towards the door.

Your collar tightened around your neck, something pulling you backwards. You collapsed to the ground with a choked out gasp, arms flying to your neck to relieve yourself of the pressure.

Of course there was a leash tying you to the bed.

You tried to scream, but your throat was closing up from the pressure on your neck. Your tears finally flooded down your cheeks as you writhed pathetically on the floor.

Your eyes found Hawks, carelessly crouching above your wriggling, dying body. He sighed, wiping away one of your tears.

“See what happens when you disobey?” He lifted your head with his hands, pressing a soft kiss to your nose. “You get hurt. That’s why you gotta listen to me. Promise you’ll listen to me?”

“I promise!” You barely managed to get the words out between your sobbing and choking. You saw his face stretch into a lazy smile as he loosened your collar.

Your body fell limp as your lungs sucked in air. You gasped, coughing and crying as your hands reached for something to hold, eventually landing on his hands.

Hawks helped you to your feet, sitting you down on the bed. His hands rested on either side of your thighs as he studied your tear-stained face.

You kept your eyes on your lap, shaking. You didn’t want to be here, tortured by this sadistic bird. You wanted to go home, you wanted Izanagi. 

“Please sir, I want to go home!” You cried. His face twitched.

“As much as I live for you calling me ‘sir,’ you’re not going anywhere. This is your home now.”

“I want Izanagi.”

“I’m not going to hurt you unless you disobey, so there’s no need to be scared.” He started. “And I must say, you should feel guilty. You shouldn’t have been staying so close to Kouten Yuu and Izanagi Fujikawa. You’re probably cold because I have the AC on. Now that light feeling is from that drug I gave you back at the police station.”

“Ask for another man again and I’ll kill him.” Well that sure shut you up quick. 

“So tell me. How do you feel? And look at me when you answer.” You slowly lifted your head, rubbing your arms to stop your shaking.

You met his eyes.

“I… I feel scared. And- and guilty. And I- I’m so cold. And I feel- I feel kind of light chested? Like- like my lungs are full of helium and have lifted up sort of- I don’t know, I’m- I’m so sorry, please don’t hurt me!” You shied away from him, hiccuping as you covered your face with your arms.

He shushed you, pulling your arms down and wiping away your tears. He seemed merciful, but you knew better than to think that of him.

You swallowed, he was so casual about drugging you, as if it was perfectly normal to stalk and kidnap someone and expect them to love you.

“Now darling, I’m going to explain some rules and punishments. Pay attention, Dove, I don’t want you to forget any, okay?” Your hands latched onto his jacket, and you nodded slowly.

Rule one: Do as I instruct, always.

Rule Two: You will eat everything I give you.

Rule Three: You will kiss me good morning, goodnight, and whenever I ask.

Rule Four: When I come home from work, you will kiss me and take my jacket.

Rule Five: You will cook what I want you to, using recipes I give you.

Rule Six: You will wear the clothes I give you. You will not dirty anything.

Rule Seven: You will thank me for everything I give you, kisses, clothes, gifts.

Rule Eight: You will call me Keigo, Sir, Daddy, and Master. Nothing else.

Rule Nine: You will not mention any person or thing from your old life. 

Rule Ten: You will not try to look out the window, and you will not leave here.

You nodded. This… was going to be your new life, and you feared what could happen if you ever had the gall to break one of Haw- Keigo’s rules.

“And now I will explain your punishments and privileges. I want to be merciful, so please don’t disobey.”

“Okay, Keigo…”

Punishment One: Revoking entertainment

Punishment Two: Starvation/ Dehydration

Punishment Three: Beatings

Punishment Four: Forced Intercourse

Punishment Five: Isolation

“W-wait, Punishment four is- forced intercourse- as- as in- as in-”

“Yes.” His face hardened. “But that’s one of the more intense punishments, only for when I’m very angry or you break a major rule. If you’re good, then I’ll back off when you say no. But do understand, eventually, we will have sex. You’re too fucking sexy for me to not fuck you.”

“I- um-”

“I gave you a compliment, darling. Rule seven?” 

“R-right. Thank you… sir.” you watched Keigo shiver, his angry expression morphing into a sadistic smile.

“Oh baby, you have no idea how happy it makes me to hear you call me that.” He leaned in close to you, his hand running up your thigh. “Rule Three, give me a kiss baby~” 

Hesitation rippled across your face, a chill spreading through your body. You didn’t want to kiss this man, who’d tried to kill your friends, who stalked you for weeks, who’d drugged and kidnapped you. You didn’t want his filthy lips touching you, his slimy tongue in your mouth. You didn’t want to kiss Keigo.

“Y-yes sir.” you whispered, closing your eyes as his face grew bigger, getting closer and closer to you. You remembered the mist that spread across your mind when he drugged you, how it left you immobile and blank. You grasped at the dark fog, pulling it forward and covering you, blocking him out.

After a few moments, you pushed it away. Keigo pulled off your face, and you felt a wad of saliva on your tongue. It tasted greasy and cheesy. Not your saliva. 

You swallowed it, looking at him with wide, scared, eyes. Since you dissociated, you had no idea what he or you had done.

“Did- did I do a good job?” Your voice was hushed. It wavered like your shaking body under his gentle, loving touch.

“Yes, dove. That was the perfect first kiss.” He purred. “You did wonderfully.” You relaxed a little, and his hand lifted off your thigh. “Now I’ll tell you a few more things, then I’ll make dinner for you.”

Privilege One: You may watch TV and read, but you can’t use social media.

Privilege Two: You may listen to music and dance, but only with me.

Privilege Three: You may have hobbies, but I will participate in them.

Privilege Four: You are allowed to reject sex, unless it is a punishment.

Privilege Five: You are allowed to request objects and gifts.

Privilege Six: You are allowed to walk around the house, but you will wear a shock collar. Sensors will be located in certain rooms. They will shock you and knock you out for an hour and send me a notification. 

Privilege Seven: Eventually, I might get you a phone. You will have no phone numbers but mine, and no social media. 

Privilege Eight: I have a garden and pool, at some point when I trust you, I will let you outside for walks and swimming.

Privilege Nine: You’re allowed to cry, to scream, to fight back. I like the battle, just know I’ll always win.

Privilege Ten: You will be allowed a pet one day, maybe two pets, depends on how good you are.

There it all was. Everything he expected of you. Your eyes fell to your lap, to the hands you’d clasped together as they shook. The soft texture of your sweatpants calming you just enough to keep you from throwing up all over Keigo.

“For now, you will remain collared to the bed. I’m going to go to your old home and retrieve all the gifts I gave you.” He stood up, hand lifting up and tracing your body. 

“Okay…” you whispered. Keigo cooed, finally lifting off of you. He left briskly,

shutting the door behind him. You heard a small click before his footsteps started to fade away. You put the book down next to you, taking the moment to examine the room you were being kept in.

There was a desk underneath a window, it was tinted dark so you couldn’t see outside. The desk was a pale brown, a violet vase decorated with little bees had seemingly been knocked over, and it was kept from rolling off the desk by the green book leaning against it. You managed to make out the words Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Part of you wondered if Keigo was a fan, or if it was just there for no reason.

A bookshelf was right next to the door, and on the lower shelves, there was a CD player and a box labelled toys. You could figure out what type of toys were in the box, and you were pretty sure it wasn’t LEGOs. On the other side of the room was another door, wide open. You could see a toilet and shower curtains, so it had to have been a bathroom.

Escape wasn’t through there.

Next to the bathroom door was a closet, the door was open a crack, and you could see a couple of dress shirts inside. Probably all his. Part of you wondered if he was going to make you wear some of his shirts, rule six said you must wear whatever he gave you, and that could mean his clothes.

Was… was this really happening? Were you really in the number two hero’s house? Was he really going to keep you in his house forever and ever? Would-

Were you fated to never see your friends and family again?

To never see an ice cream store?

Or a park?

Izanagi?

A moment before, it really all felt like a bad dream. Like you could pinch yourself and you would wake up in your bed, and go to the park with your friends. 

Kouten would bring some more delicious food, and you would make a mess while eating it..

Izanagi would sit next to you, and hug you and laugh as he teased you or Kouten about something or another.

You, you would fly, you’d be free.

Slowly, you spread your wings. They bumped against the bed, against the walls and the nightstand with the pretty Viridian lamp on it. You couldn’t even open your wings all the way in this tiny room, this room wasn’t meant to house a free bird.

It was meant to cage a pet.

All the emotions that the fog had blocked out rushed in like a flood, destroying every little bit of peace you’d managed to build up in your life. It slammed into your memories, into your hopes and dreams, and tore them all apart until all that was left was the rushing water, roaring filling your ears. You grasped at your hair, yanking as hard as you could in the hopes of tearing it out.  Maybe the physical pain of a thunderstorm could turn your mind away from the tsunami. Maybe if you had chunks of missing hair, Hawks would become grossed out by you and kick you out. The collar rubbed uncomfortably against your neck, reminding you that he was still there, choking you, restraining you, claiming you as his. He didn’t see you as human, just as a pretty little thing he’d collected, like jewelry or rocks. Everything swirled around, and you couldn’t see any more. It hurt, it fucking hurt. You felt something tug in your stomach, and then your body was pulled forward.

You closed your eyes.

You heard it all splatter on the floor, the meal you’d been served. You tried to make it to the toilet, but all the food in your stomach felt so gross, and you needed to get it out, out, out, out.

You heard a gasp behind you, and you spun your head around. Your eyes widened at the sight of her. Her face was rigid, eyes like knives through your skull. Your tiny hands clutched at your torn shirt. You’d barely finished vomiting and now she was here. 

“Please, please no I’m sorry!” You cried, lower lip quivering.  “Sorry isn’t going to cut it!” the walls spun, moving quickly away as the ceiling dipped down, you could see her hands, and you could feel sharp pain in your skull as the floor was dragged away from your body.

“I work so hard, day and night to get food for you, and you just barf it up all over my floors like the ungrateful little brat you are! My floors will stink and stain, and it’s because of your insolence!” You couldn’t see anymore, but you could feel ripping. Did your feathers not want to be on your back anymore? What was that wet thing you felt against your face? 

“Your lucky your father isn’t around, I know for a fact he wouldn’t even tolerate this sort of behavior! You make my already shitty life so much more difficult! Be grateful I haven’t sent you away!”

Words bubbled up from your throat, you were barely conscious, and at this point you knew she was hurting you, but you were so tired, you couldn’t even do anything to stop it.

“Please don’t send me away, I’ll do better! I will!” 

FInally, the warped darkness was tugged away from you, and you found yourself alone, sittin on the hardwood floor. The vomit had already been cleaned up, but there were bloodstains on your clothes. 

You were small, terrified, cold, angry, guilty, sad, and so, so alone.

You closed your eyes.

You didn’t want to open them.

[petitmimosa]

post worlds musings, Yuzu, 4A, and grief

I feel very strange right now. I’m disappointed and pissed, as always because when am I not when Yuzu and the ISU meet, but, the rage is yet to arise. It’s weird, like I’ve truly made peace with the fact that FS is no longer a sport decided by the talent of the athletes, but by how much politicking this or that fed does behind (or not, i mean, hello rusfed) the scenes. Because once you accept  there’s no other choice since it will only get WORSE, and people’s health isn’t worth this shit, isn’t worth the anger and the trembling and the losing sleep, once you try and see what it feels like to let go, it gives you a new perspective to consider.

I’m starting to think that maybe, just maybe, I’m over Figure Skating, in the way I’ve been into it until now, and this is the beginning of the mourning process of something that’s been so, so important to me for so many years now.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again : I’m just waiting for Yuzu to land 4A and get the hell out so I can do the same. Get the hell out of this unealthy grip the ISU and their methods have on me (and I’m sure I’m not the only one).

This way I won’t care as much when watching competitions. I’ll just watch the tech box be the casino slot machine it already is (and has been for quite some time now) and won’t feel the need to yell about it. But I can’t do this until Yuzu retires because let’s be honest, I’ll always feel every jump he lands, every spin he does, every step he takes not being given the maximum GOE if clean as a knife in my overly invested heart in something that’s not even mine to feel.

Also, can we please stop saying “this will fuel Yuzu for the next xxx months”? The man has been at senior level for ELEVEN YEARS. ELEVEN. He should NOT need to be fueled by anything other than the love he has for the sport and the joy it brings him. What if all the bullying he’s been suffering from since 2016/2017 and so on succeeds in sucking all the joy out? Hm? What then? That’s why, I feel, 4A is so important to him. That’s his one goal left, the one thing he wakes up in the morning for. He doesn’t need a bronze medal (which, should have been silver if the sp and the fs goes had been scored right) to fuel him, he doesn’t need the ISU shitting all over him to find the will to push through. He’s HUMAN, it has to take its toll at some point and sometimes I wonder if it hasn’t already and the only way for him to keep skating (at a competition level) is to train for 4A and land it in competition. Look at his face in the K&C, it’s been a few comps where his face is blank, expecting the worse. He knows he’s being treated like trash, and still he smiles for the camera. If we’re all yelling and suffering OUT LOUD on social media, how do we think he feels in plain sight with no escape? I can’t wait for the day he’s finally free of all the pressure, the expectations. His own is one thing, the rest of the world’s? Another. And I want it gone.

He brought so much to this sport, SO FUCKING MUCH, he should not have to be strong the way he has to and take all the hits the isu sends his way. This sport wouldn’t be what it is if it weren’t for him. The youngsters started the quad festival to be able to beat HIM because he was just too good to be defeated. I can only pray figure skating will give him back everything he brought it and we will witness him land 4A. After all the sweat, tears, BLOOD he left on the ice, it would break his heart not to succeed, and I can’t watch it happen, not after all the heartbreak he’s already gone through.

Anyway. Bye now, sorry for all the mess.

[jaeyleo]

Alright, that last one really hurt. Can we get some fluff with Jamie and Johnny? With “I love you so much”? Thanks!!

ahaha oh gosh yeah fs!! hey let’s just make this a part two to the last one huh?

———

Soft knocks, soft knocks.

Jameson has left him alone for hours, not wanting to anger him more than he already has. The house has been silent ever since their fight.

Soft knocks, soft knocks on his nephew’s door.

Is he even in there? Could he have snuck out again? Jameson wouldn’t blame him. He wouldn’t be angry, he shouldn’t have done what he did. He’s sorry, John. He’s so sorry.

“I don’t wanna talk you right now.” comes Johnny’s voice, muffled from the door. It sounds a little raspy, like he’s been crying. Or yelling at his Uncle.

Jameson takes a little notepad and pen from his chest pocket, scribbling down a message. May I have just one moment with you? it says, and he slides the page beneath the door.

The light shifts. Pencil scratches. Jameson sits down, waiting patient.

What do you want.

Oh, joy, oh, oh. Jameson’s heart fills up, but so do his eyes. Why is he tearing up? Silly, silly man. Bad uncle. Bad father.

He writes fast, like if he takes too long his nephew will leave him again.

I want to apologize to you. I should not have spoken to your counselor like that, my worries are no excuse. You don’t have to forgive me. You don’t have to accept my apology. But I am sorry I did that. Truly, truly, I apologize. I will never do it again.

The note stays under the door for a while, and no pencil scratches are heard. Jameson watches the light and shadows beneath the door, hearing the boy’s little kitten mew for attention.

Pencil scratching. Jameson’s heart beats fast in his chest. Goodness, goodness, calm down, it’s just a piece of paper.

I’m sorry I yelled at you. But do I really worry you that bad? To tell someone else I’m not okay?

No need for you to be sorry, John. And yes you worry me. You hide everything and sneak away, I see the look in your eyes. I do this kind of thing for a living, and I know I haven’t known you for very long, but I know when you are not okay. You don’t have to talk to me, but I am here for you, always, always. I love you so much.

Again, the note stays for a while. When it returns there are little water droplets soaking into the page, smudging Jameson’s ink like there was an attempt to clean them off or hide them.

I love you too. I love you too.

There is no more room on the paper, but instead, in pencil, a little arrow pointing to the back side.

Do you have another page? I think maybe I do wanna talk about it. But I can’t get the words out of my mouth. And I can’t say it face to face. It’s weird. I’m sorry.

Jameson doesn’t hesitate, sending three notepad pages under the door. It takes a while for them to come back, but eventually, Jameson is met with pencil written words on a teardrop soaking paper.

[velvetv0nblack]

An open letter;

(Possible trigger warning)

I’m not even sure why I’m writing this, maybe because this theme of abuse has be something I’ve been experiencing as a third party, the person removing the victim this time, you know the role many of my friends filled within our tumultuous relationship... maybe it’s because my friends abuser is now threatening and harassing me for helpingher leave... maybe it’s because I’ve finally found my therapeutic dosage of lithium, am in a clear mind and are therefore able to reflect properly for the first time in my life... or maybe it’s because this is not an apology, I mean maybe it is if you had only been a serial cheat, but the truth is you fractured my skull and cut me open with a knife, so this is not a fucking apology. Also I’d rather rip my own eyes out of my skull, smash them with a hammer, and then inject the liquid into my ass than actually engage you in any kind of conversation, so knowing that this is the one platform you can still check for me on, I’m going to post this here... Its about time I had my say without putting myself in physical danger.

You would think I wouldn’t have an essay to correct your 3 lines of a nothing apology, but here we are I guess.

This kind of self deprecating “I wasn’t good enough for you” narrative is truly infuriating, and not because you were actually good enough for me but because of the very reasons you proved yourself not be “not good enough���. You weren’t undeserving of me because you didn’t work, I am physically incapable of doing so myself and I didn’t fall in love with you because you came across mad motivated. You weren’t undeserving of me because you took drugs, drank like a fish or smoked like a chimney, we were both purposefully killing our selves in the same way. You weren’t undeserving of me at all, until you fucked my best friend in the bathroom and collectively gaslit me into wondering if I was imagining the whole thing, and slowly but systematically broke down my confidence and support network away from me. I want this to be very clear; the reason you do not deserve me or any other decent human being is because, you are an abuser, you abuse people.

I was barely a whole person when I met you. I was barely an adult. I had lived through so much already, and had been abused in every area of my existence. I was easy pickings to you. The issue was you were not a pawn to me, a player in any game, or any of that. To me you were this fascinating, beautiful soul, to me you were someone who needed my love who needed someone to support you and I couldn’t believe that you chose me to fill that role. I was freshly 18 that month, and I had just had a flat mate steal £3k and kill my kitten.

I weighed all of 63lbs that night you lost the plot on me because I didn’t want to go to Big Red to watch that actual cunt of a waitress smile at me as she gave you lap dances, it’s not even a dance joint it was a fucking bar. You allowed other people to emotionally abuse me with you for months up until this point and I just didn’t want to go, all I wanted was the keys and I would of gone home alone and gone to bed. Why you feel the need to publicly humiliate me again instead of just leaving it? You couldn’t just go be adulterous without me watching and hurting, so you followed me home, screaming at me the whole time. You told me I was pathetic, you hated me, I should just kill myself- on a bus on a Saturday night, from the bar I worked in, in soho, back to our place near Caledonian Road. I was so unstable anyway, undiagnosed autism, misdiagnosed mental health issues, on the wrong if any medication, deep within the throws of an addiction and eating disorder... you. I couldn’t take you verbally ripping my heart out anymore when I decided that throwing myself from our 3rd story window would hurt less. The fact I could of died isn’t what made you grab me and stop me jumping, no in fact you told me you don’t care if I kill my self as long as it’s not in the flat, you were much more concerned with the amount of drugs in the flat and the prison opposite our window. At that point you threw me full pelt across the other side of the room, all 63lbs of me flew through the air like a paper aeroplane and smashed directly into your guitar. You know your beloved custom Les Paul? The headstock came off, and at that very moment despite the fact you were the one who threw me, my life was the one in danger. You started strangling me and threatening to have men come down to London to gang rape my then 14 year old sister. It gets a little fuzzy, that’s what your brain does when you experience potentially life ending trauma. I do know I ended up with stitches in my lips and hands, that you fractured my right eye socket- that I still suffer issues with to this day- and had black bruising covering my entire body like a bus had hit me.

For a couple of years there my brain completely blocked out important details of that night, and a lot of our relationship. Don’t worry though periodically I have the real type of flashback where I relive these events and I come back to reality remembering more than I ever wanted to. I’m yet to even touch on the fact that whilst I may of been able to escape you in waking life, my dreams are perpetually stuck in this horrific PTSD dream land, a town that is a mash up of all the places I’ve been traumatised in my life, the place you eternally reside inside my head to traumatise me whilst I desperately need to rest. You haven’t really left my life despite the efforts I have made to avoid you (I think I’ve seen you once, from a distance once at Download 2 years ago, my heart fell out my ass, and I dragged Camilla in another direction) I have only 2 dreams in 6 years that haven’t included you chasing me down to finish what you started and kill me or keep me captive. But that’s what trauma does, and oh how you traumatised me.

I really loved you though, that’s why I stayed, and those couple times I tried to leave before I came back. I loved you so unconditionally that it took me realising that everyone else around us was so complicit that they’d help you hide by body. To this very day I cannot believe a man, a male roommate, walked in on you pinning me into a sofa by my neck, with both your planted knees on top of my chest, full weight suffocating me, biting the end of my nose until it was blackened and he had the audacity me I needed to calm down. I have to label the guy the world biggest pussy in my head so I don’t get wound up about it.

I wasn’t perfect, I can never be perfect, I have more imperfections than most. I am severely mentally and physically unwell- I sure as hell am a pain in the ass to love- however I cannot actually think of a damn thing I did to deserve constant unending emotional abuse, threatens and follow through of physical abuse and then after I left stalking and harassment. I am difficult but I am not deserving of abuse and that’s all you gave me in the end... unless of course you “needed your baby girl to suck your dick” - that was the only time you were ever nice to me, and I know because I recently read back a bunch of our texts and you flipped between “I hate you, I’m gonna kill you/kill your self” to “I need my beautiful girl to come and suck my dick I love you so much” is actually fucking insane. - Should I bring up the fact you would bang pathetic girls on the scene and then dicknotise them into stalking and harassing me with you? Because... what I had the audacity to leave a man, of over 6ft tall, who would become violent to my 5ft 63lbs self?

So yeah, you didn’t deserve me, but not because of any self deprecating attention seeking reason but because you’re a sociopath, who seems to take pleasure in fucking with vulnerable women.

Am I happy? Now that’s a fucking difficult one to answer.

I ended up homeless on and off for a year. Despite the homelessness I had suffered before this was worse because of the place I was in mentally.

You caused me to develop complex PTSD.

You caused me to have a 3 year long psychotic break.

You caused me to live in secure supported housing, where I was prayed upon by other residents.

You caused me to fall victim to abuse within the system

Not sure if you know this but our mental health services sucks ass, after leaving you I had a delightful therapist that would text me telling to kill my self and would tell me you were right to abuse me.

But I got one thing from our relationship, I fine tuned my “four Fs” ...I no longer freeze or fight in the face of difficulty... I developed an ability to fawn.

Dead ends are no longer in my eyeline, I will metaphorically straight on walk through someone else’s house to get where I need to be, I will jump the fence, break the locks and out run any guard dog. I may fall down but I’m never out.

When I was diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses and essentially lived in hospital for 3 years, even when I thought to end my life it was weighed out by the thought of “how do I get to a place we’re I can do even 5% of what I want? What do I have to change, manifest?”.

You see if you could only temporarily break me but not stop me then why the hell would I let my own mind and body do that? That ability to fawn came with an ability to find a middle path, to be diplomatic. That ability to fawn gave me the patience to understand medical text and use that to access the right care. ~ I am actually thinking of starting a medical degree just to prove I can ~ I am now 98lbs and healthy for my size and stature, I now have a home with a housing association who like me so much they have me a lifetime partner agreement, meaning I will never be homeless again. I have been clean 7 whole goddamn years and 2 months. I have the most beautiful empathic cat, 2 foster dogs and an incredibly patient partner, who has known me before you had ever entered my life. I am as healthy as someone in my position can be, I still struggle with the anorexic thoughts but I eat everyday of the fucking week now.

I am not “happy” as happy is an emotion and emotions are fleeting but I am content in living for the simple life I have fought ever so hard for. I am strong, and determined and constantly fucking working on making more for myself. I’m proud of myself.

All I have to say is get therapy. If you’re really sorry work on yourself enough to be able to apologise properly before you fuck my day up by rising your head again for this weakness. I can’t say I don’t have morbid curiosity, because that’s me all over, however I’m much more determined to keep all that I have work for mentally, emotionally, and physically safe. For that reason I would never in my right medicated mind talk it out with you, email you back or seek you out. I’m sorry, it is what it is.

You can not damage someone irreparably both mentally and physically and think “I’m sorry for being a cunt” even close to cuts it. You are mentally unbalanced, in a way not even I can relate to.

[minecraftoworymode]

local admin discovers this CRAZY life hack, other admins HATE him! click to find out more -->

no but seriously what the hell kind of drama is bad enough that you kill one of your best friends and torture the other for an unspecified but presumably quite lengthy amount of time? did fred start kinning one of romeo’s ‘no doubles’ IDs? did they accuse romeo of being a homestuck and, having no way to deny the truth, he killed them in a blind panic? they didn’t play romeo’s nine-hour oblivion mod and he took this as a supreme betrayal? romeo wouldn’t get off the xbox when it was xara’s turn? what led to them fighting “for control of the world”?

i mean, given how much romeo wants friends you’d think that for him to consciously yeet the only ones he had there’d have to be a really good reason for it, right? right??

[well, at least it’s free real estate. everything in this post is headcanon territory, so to save both of us the trouble of having to read “i think” or “probably” or “evidence suggests” every two sentences i’ll be speaking as if this actually happened. but if anyone else has an idea of what the heck happened, i’d love to hear others’ takes!!!]

big Fs in the chat tonight, pals. for all that he wants people to like him, romeo is really, really, REALLY bad at going about it like a normal person. (ESPECIALLY in canon. like. frankly it’s almost to the point of seeming intentional because NO ONE can be that dense about being such an absolute and utter scoundrel. who does things that actively malicious without being aware of how hurtful it is? even capitalists generally know they’re being bastards. canon, man. i dont know.)

but- he wasn’t always quite that bad at it. it’s just that once you’ve tripped and spilled paint all over your canvas, and also you have god powers that give you infinite copies of other peoples’ paintings, it’s a lot easier to plug your ears chuck the canvas in the trash and go LA LA LA, MUST’VE BEEN THE PAINT’S FAULT instead of admitting you made a mistake, cleaning up the mess you made, and trying again.

the admins’ friendship was the canvas. here is the paint.

romeo really wants people to be his friends, and he couldn’t have had better ones than fred and xara. and honestly? he was perfectly fine with leaving behind everything and everyone else he’d ever known- all he needed were the other admins, no one and nothing else. dependency whoms’t? but for fred and xara, whose stances on relationships were , just a bit healthier than that- as much as they loved romeo- they missed the people they’d left behind.

romeo had invited them here- first xara, then fred- and while he’d of course agreed to let them go back whenever they asked they’ve- like, the idea hasn’t really seriously come up in... it’s been a very long while. i’m still working on the exact timeline here but it’s been- he’d almost completely forgotten about it, actually. they, on the other hand... hadn’t. 

it’s like a freaking 2x combo double whopper whammy of being abandoned and also not being “enough” that hits romeo right in the heart nuts. but hey! necessity (or what he thought necessity) is the mother of invention, and for all that he thinks himself stupid he figured out a solution- more than a solution, even! he could do them one better than bringing them the people they missed. he would bring them the people they wanted.

the custom npcs mod allows you to create, well, npcs. it allows you to set their schedules, dialogue, stats, appearance, etc. and you do most of it by right-clicking with a hoe which i find hilarious but ANYWAY romeo came up with something similar. at first, his constructs were... not very convincing, but a little help from a bright-eyed friend made them almost indistinguishable from real people. (herobrine is another post, but for the record this isn’t even the biggest crap he’s pulled.)

he was so excited, presenting his gift to fred and xara. look, i was thinking- you said you missed that one roommate, right, even though they always left the door open and didn’t put food away? ta-dah! look at that, closing the door like a gentleman! and you were missing your counsellor, right? well, miss no more! they’re programmed to always be there for you- you never have to worry about scheduling or other patients, here’s someone who will always care! and that’s not all- if you’ve been having trouble with any of your moderators- or even the normal humans, those are fun too sometimes- this lets you change their mind! literally! no more arguing about what colour to make the new concrete blocks, no more fighting over who gets the first seat in the rollercoaster, you’ll never have to deal with any of that ever again-! ... hey, why aren’t you- why do you- why are you looking at me like that? xara? ... fred?

yeah, it... doesnt go over too well. the tool ends up broken, and romeo promises to not use it again- though only because it upset fred and xara, not because he really saw anything wrong with it. and he keeps that promise for a time. of course the paint can is already leaking, but romeo doesn’t see that yet. none of them really see what’s coming, not fully. how could they? no one wants to think the worst of the ones they love.

but they’re all understandably... tense, and romeo always tended to look to people to vent his emotions, and- the person who would come to be the warden  has a huge fight with romeo, right in front of fred and xara’s salad. like. it’s really bad. they’re both on the verge of tears and the warden SLAMS the door as he leaves, which does make romeo cry. and the other two are like... hey... do you want anything... some cake...? prog rock...? we can cuddle...? n romeo’s usually already invited himself to one or more of those things by now but instead of throwing himself into their arms and wailing he’s just, standing there silently, tears streaming down his face, looking of all things pensive. and next in the series of many shocking things to come, he does something he’s never done before: he brightens and says, “i’m going to fix this,” before resolutely walking out the door.

fred and xara are like. oh my god. is- is he actually going to talk out his feelings and problems? is this- is healthy open communication here? did we do it? have we reached the mental wellness? is it finally happening? n romeo comes back a few hours later with his arm around the warden’s shoulders and they're both smiling and laughing and it sounds like everything's worked out just fine. in fact, after that, a bunch of people who’d had beef with romeo in the past seem to work things out with him, all parties seeming genuinely happier for it. romeo’s made a real change! fred and xara have never been more proud, more relieved, or more wrong.

he can’t lie to his friends. he can lie to everyone else, up to and including himself, but not to the ones he loves. it’s just... they’d been so happy, and he’d never seen anyone that proud of him, and, and...

that doesn’t go over too well either. and he should really make the tool out of something other than like, wood, so it stops getting broken so easily? he certainly has time to do so- the silence that follows is the longest the admins have ever gone without talking to one another. in retrospect they probably should’ve known that things were only going to get worse from there, but could you blame fred and xara for hoping beyond hope that- since they were always the ones to drag romeo out of his sulking and brooding- him coming to them first was a sign that he’d changed, for real this time? and the way he starts the conversation- by saying how the admins’ absence has impacted the people in their care- it’s certainly promising.

but- ah, what’s that line? something like,

"Oft expectation fails, and most oft there Where most it promises; and oft it hits Where hope is coldest, and despair most fits."

there are very, very few things that make fred visibly angry. not that things don’t ever make them mad, it’s just that their dedication to living their best life means that they’re generally able to keep a firm grip on how they express their emotions. but for romeo to brainwash- no, worse than brainwash- they don’t even have a word for it- fred’s own people? they’re called their friends for a reason! it doesn’t MATTER that he thought it’d make fred happy- did he think, for even a moment, about listening to what they’d said? does he not realize how absolutely vile it was to do that? the others are real people, too! all of them, not just the ones he considers his friends- do you even understand what that word means, romeo? "friend"?

what really burns is that fred isn’t just angry- they’re disappointed. they’re scared. they’re just as hurt as he is, which is just- how DARE they?! ROMEO’S the one who’s being yelled at! why are THEY crying?! (they’re all in tears now, actually, but romeo doesn’t notice his own.)

a deep breath. fred asks him to undo what he’s done. romeo doesn’t move.

a tense heartbeat. fred asks again, and takes a step forward. this time romeo flinches back.

there’s not a single quark between the three of them right now not on edge. it feels like the air before a lightning strike. something’s going to break. none of them are backing down. maybe none of them can because, if romeo’s not going to do it himself- fred takes a final step forward and asks, remarkably calmly, for romeo to give them the tool.

and then he does! and they apologize to each other for not having been more open about their feelings and defining and maintaining their boundaries and then they make up and have a really good hug and it’s great, everything’s great, and this is probably the mental image romeo tried to fall asleep to before realizing that that wouldn’t stop the nightmares and just giving up on the whole “resting” thing. 

if you’re beginning to notice a pattern here with things really not going well, you might just be onto something about romeo’s behaviour. but to be fair none of them had gone into this situation expecting a fight- it was just, fred tried to take the tool and romeo instinctively pulled his weapon and- none of them realized quite how long fred had been losing blood? romeo had been lashing out, fred had been trying to take something he was holding while also trying to defend themself, xara had been trying to protect fred (and was also lashing out too, just a little)- i mean, they realized. eventually. and by that point honestly accidentally stabbing them wasn’t going to do anything the life force loss hadn’t, so like... 

okay, brief side note: as operator, romeo’s existence maintains the mcsm universe. he can’t die, even if he wants to. xara and fred had the next best deal (arguably anyway), in that they could only be truly hurt by one thing: the person who’d given them administrative powers in the first place. which happened to be the same person who’d, like, just stabbed his best friend and was now staring in open horror as said friend’s skin flickered back to its original appearance before-

just like that they were gone. just like that. the lack of body and inventory really should’ve tipped them off that something wasn’t right, but for all that they both replay that moment in their minds for years to come they somehow never consider that fred wasn’t quite dead. and romeo had always had such an imagination! but maybe it was for the best that they didn’t consider it, anyway. ... maybe it was for the best.

it doesn’t have to almost kill xara for romeo to take her powers, but it does anyway because if romeo made a lot of stupid decisions before that’s just gotten amped up to eleven now that 90% of his impulse control is gone.

oh.

oh no.!!

romeo watch out almost a millennium of unprocessed trauma and grief is sneaking up on you- romeo- oh my god he can’t hear us he has minecraft airpods in- romeo oh nO

anyway thanks for coming to my tedtalk! tune in next time to hear about the fallout of romeo’s actions across multiple worlds and the group of dissidents whose entire existence is to, well, diss romeo, aka soren’s cult. in conclusion: