#NOT EVER FEELING CONFIDENT STATING ANYTHING ABOUT MY BELIEFS OR ATTRIBUTES BECAUSE THEY ALWAYS CHANGE...............

[exosys]

unbelievable how many things are clicking into place. i can't put them into words right now though there's too many and they're slippery

[caffeinatedseri]

Dazai and No Longer Human’s Yozo

It’s no secret that BSD’s Dazai draws heavily from his real life counterpart, especially from his semi-autobiographical work: No Longer Human. To preface, No Longer Human is written from the perspective of the main character Yozo, with the book itself being a documentation of Yozo’s notebooks (essentially his journals) throughout his life. 

As you progress through the novel, it becomes increasingly clear that Yozo lives an extremely two-sided life; his foolish personality acts as a facade to others in attempts to hide the darker nature within him. 

Dazai shares that obvious similarity with Yozo, but Dazai is characterized in a somewhat vague and mysterious way that leaves a lot of his inner thoughts up to interpretation and inferences. Thus, I’ll be going through some of my favorite quotes from No Longer Human and analyzing Dazai’s character through his similarities to Yozo.

(For the sake of readability, excerpts from No Longer Human will be in pictures, and quotes from the light novel will be in regular block quotes).

Dazai and Yozo’s Participation in Clownery

To start off, Dazai noticeably participates in the same “clowning” as Yozo, which in particular stands out with PM Dazai.

““How did your leg get hurt?” I pointed to the bandages, thinking that it must be the result of some violent fight. “I was reading a book titled ‘How to Prevent Accidental Injuries’ while walking when I accidentally fell into a ditch.” I wasn’t expecting such an abnormal response.” — LN 2, Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era (Oda’s POV)

This is pretty standard Dazai behavior, but the interesting part is how Yozo specifically used the word “deceiving.” If we were to assume Yozo’s true thoughts are Dazai’s as well, then it would imply that Dazai feels as if he’s manipulating people with his absurd claims (such as the above). However, in actuality, his clownish behaviors sound more like a joke, or some type of self-deflection, rather than an attempt to manipulate people. (Yozo also states that he would often incriminate himself by overexaggerating certain things, but I don’t think Dazai does that).

The second statement Yozo makes implies that he doesn’t care about ethics, morality, or the supposed “right way” of living life that’s described as “righteousness.”

Yozo’s statement on “righteousness” parallels Dazai’s in Dark Era, but Dazai’s statement carries a slightly different sentiment. Rather than being indifferent to the likes of morality, Dazai says that he’s “hated” by the concept of morality. 

I’ll be speculating a bit here → It’s heavily implied that Dazai had some sort of dark past that led him to joining the mafia, since he was already suicidal prior to doing so. This suggests that something affected his life so drastically to the point where he could no longer trust in such things as “righteousness,” because righteousness has wronged him in the past.

First, Yozo expresses his fear of people discovering his true nature under the mask of clownery, which would then lead to them pestering him for further inquiry. However, his real fear is that people would mistake his true nature as another part of his typical clownery.

More so than before, this attitude reminds me more of Dazai in the agency, rather than him in the mafia. Even though Dazai danced around darker topics in his conversations with Oda, he was still able to talk about them without much conflict. However, in the agency, Dazai doesn’t talk much about himself or any of his personal issues at all. 

Although this scene has comedic overtones, it’s interesting to see that no one would help Dazai if he was actually dying. Still, it could be argued that the other agency members knew it was just Dazai’s regular antics. (or that Dazai wouldn’t die in the first place). 

This scenario repeats itself another time when Dazai gets kidnapped by the mafia, and the other agency members kind of just brush it aside. As much as they may trust Dazai to take care of himself (which I’m sure he can do), it’s worrying that the other members may not be open to Dazai’s possible attempts at reaching out for help, if he were ever to make one. 

In LN 4, 55 Minutes, Atsushi addresses this issue by asking Dazai why he wants to kill himself, but the answer is left open-ended, with Atsushi himself not remembering the answer (or if Dazai even did answer). You could interpret Dazai’s change from his time in the PM as an improvement of his mental state — which I have no doubt that has happened — but Dazai needs to face his issues head-on if he truly wanted to reconcile with his past.

“Perhaps someone should persistently tie Dazai up, open the lid over his chest and stuff the head of a vacuum cleaner in. They have to let Dazai, who should be screaming in pain and resisting, settle down. Following which, the difficult things in his heart must all be dragged out under the sun and stepped on mercilessly.“ — LN 2, Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era

Oda, the man who understood Dazai more than anyone else could at the time, even specifically stated that the pain in Dazai’s heart must be forcefully dragged out, because he knew that this would ultimately be the most beneficial for Dazai’s sanity.

Throughout No Longer Human, Yozo is often misunderstood by others, or other people simply don’t care about him.

When Dazai goes to visit Oda’s grave in Dead Apple, Atsushi finds him and assumes that he’s visiting the grave of someone important to him, as an act of respect or remembrance, something of the sort. However, Dazai makes the automatic assumption that his “clownish words of deceit” (as stated by Yozo) will always be prioritized over the truth, which is why he chooses to brush off his actions as a joke. 

Although I made the point earlier that the agency members don’t give Dazai opportunities to open up about himself, Atsushi is notably different, similarly to Oda, because he’s able to take Dazai seriously and persist even through his antics. 

Atsushi takes Dazai’s act of visiting a grave seriously, even when Dazai plays it off, because he knows Dazai is a person just like anyone else. This understanding between them leads to Dazai telling Atsushi about Oda, thereby allowing Dazai to divulge a crucial part of his past.

Dazai and Yozo’s Friendships

Similarly to Yozo, Dazai’s attempt at “disentangling” himself from these relationships only serves to wear him out in the end. However, they also slightly differ in a way: Yozo is unable to form any friendships for his whole life, but Dazai had Oda. I would argue that Oda was Dazai’s only friend, mostly because of this quote:

“Odasaku understood him far beyond what Dazai had ever thought. He had already reached close to his heart, the place near the center of his heart. Before this, Dazai had never noticed there was someone who understood him so well. For the first time in his life, Dazai wanted to know something from the depths of his heart.” — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Oda was special to Dazai because Oda was able to understand him — maybe even more than Dazai could understand himself — which is why Oda is the only person that Dazai asks for advice from. 

However, Dazai does the same thing as Yozo when he “plays the clown” as a form of self-protection from such valuable friendships. (which is probably preventing him from becoming closer to the rest of the agency).

“Things that we don’t want to lose will definitely be lost. Now that it has come to this, I have no more feelings anymore. Things worth pursuing will always disappear the moment before you get them. Nothing is worth prolonging a painful life to pursue.” — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Interestingly enough, Dazai says this when Ango is revealed to be a spy — before Oda dies. If Dazai was in this state of distress from Ango’s betrayal, you could only imagine how devastating Oda’s death was. 

Dazai speaks as if he’s speaking from experience, which suggests that he’s faced a similar loss in the past. Despite this implied experience, he still became friends with Oda (and Ango to an extent), fully knowing that it would only bring him pain in the end. Dazai's statement here acts more as a front that makes him sound cold and detached from the situation, only to hide how he truly feels about losing one of his only friends. 

To give some context to this passage, Yozo’s partner, Yoshiko, had been sexually assaulted by a coworker, of which Yozo attributes the cause to her overly trusting nature. Thus, this leads to Yozo’s belief that trustfulness is inherently wrong or creates weakness.

Dazai’s hesitance to form friendships most likely stems from this same inability to trust others like Yozo, but Dazai does trust a few people, namely Chuuya, Oda, and Atsushi.

With Chuuya, there’s a different type of trust between him and Dazai. Their impeccable trust is obviously a key factor in their partnership as SKK, but there’s a certain limit with this trust. They certainly trust each other in battle, but I’d argue that this trust doesn’t extend to their personal business. 

As of now, we don’t know a lot about how SKK interacted with each other during their time in the mafia (which could change with the new LN), but I doubt PM Dazai would feel comfortable with confiding in Chuuya with anything because they (kind of) hated each other. The level of trust required for a friendship would involve a mutual understanding between two people, but Chuuya and Dazai haven’t necessarily shown us that they were able to do that.

Dazai essentially broke his trust with Chuuya by leaving the mafia on a whim, but he also intentionally antagonized himself to try to make Chuuya hate him.

This scene also has comedic overtones, but it suggests something a bit sadder about Dazai. There are possibly two motivations as to why Dazai chose to do this: (or a mix of the two)

1. Dazai didn’t want Chuuya to be incriminated as his accomplice when he became an enemy of the mafia.

2. Dazai wanted to push Chuuya away because Oda — Dazai’s most trusted friend — had just died. As a form of self-protection, Dazai broke whatever semblance of friendship he shared with Chuuya in order to prevent the same pain that came with Oda’s death. 

It’s also important to consider that trust is a 2-way street; both parties have to have the same level of trust in each other. Just like Yozo, if Dazai is unable to trust anyone, then he may have cut Chuuya off to protect him (since Chuuya may have trusted Dazai more than Dazai was able to reciprocate).

In contrast, Oda and Dazai have a level of unspoken trust that basically motivates Dazai to change his entire life. 

“Odasaku’s eyes radiate with conviction. The words are clearly said with some sort of strong basis. Is it past experience? Or perhaps someone’s suggestion? — He is trying to show Dazai the path he once walked. Dazai understands this. Dazai can trust it.“ — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Returning to Yozo’s question — “Is trustfulness a sin?” — Dazai answers it by showing us the strength of trust in this moment. Trust insinuates blind faith in another person, the willingness to believe someone else without logical reasoning, which makes it all the more important when PM Dazai — the genius prodigy who operates on a solely logical basis — is able to trust Oda and change his path in life. 

Atsushi is most likely the one that Dazai trusts the most in the agency, due to the aforementioned issues with the other members. However, it seems more like a budding trust that’s growing to become like Oda and Dazai, but it still requires Dazai to take that step forward to further their trust. 

Dazai and Yozo’s View of the World

In this scene, Yozo had made a decision for immediate gratification, but that choice caused him insufferable pain afterwards — supporting his belief that the world was a “place of bottomless horror.”

This parallels two of Dazai’s statements: one from Dark Era and one from Dead Apple.

“Please, take me with you. Wake me up from this rotten world of a dream. Come on, come on, come on!” — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

(Dazai wasn’t talking about himself here, but the allusion sets up a situation where he can talk about himself indirectly — I talk about it more in my other post here)

We don’t really get a reason for why Dazai is suicidal, but from this we can infer that it’s something more complex than he makes it out to be — something like an issue deeply rooted within the world, with no easy solution. 

One could guess that this was the result of an unfortunate decision (like Yozo), or the realization that the world was simply a terrible place (possibly because no one cared for him as a kid and he had Mori as a “parental” figure instead).

Yozo expresses his lack of understanding in the compassion of human nature, but Dazai (as we know) seems to understand other people perfectly, as least enough to manipulate them.

However, this forms somewhat of a paradox: Dazai understands people so well to the point that he can’t understand them.

Dazai understands every flawed aspect of a human being — the tendency to manipulate, lie, kill, etc. — most likely because of his past as a young child. “Human beings never did teach” him the hopeful aspect of human nature  — the ability to love and cherish others.

Shibusawa in Dead Apple reflects this mindset, but take note of what Dazai says: “You wouldn’t be saying that if you actually had friends” — clearly a reflection of Dazai’s personal experience, by knowing how important friends are.

Yozo’s deathly fear of society tames itself when he comes to the realization that society is really just made up of a bunch of individuals working for their individual benefit, so he has no reason to fear society as a whole.

I don’t believe Dazai has this same fear of society, but he does reflect this individualistic mindset in the way he acts. Often enough, Dazai doesn’t tell anyone about his plans and would rather manipulate people into following such plans, even when it would be easier to cooperate. He always takes care of conflicts by himself, and by his standard.

Yozo’s fear of society possibly manifested into Dazai’s ostracization from society. More speculation here, but → My guess is that Dazai was alienated not only as a genius isolated for his intelligence, but also for his ability. There seems to be some division between regular society and ability-users’ society, but I can see Dazai being rejected by both because he’s the antithesis to all abilities. 

Regular society would either shun him like other users or attempt to exploit him for their personal gain (possibly for his intelligence AND his ability), or ability-users would see him as a threat and/or menace to their safety.

When Yozo considers a double suicide with his partner, he comes to this unsure conclusion of whether or not he actually wants to go through with it.

This reflects what Oda believes about Dazai:

“I thought you and Dazai were very similar, unable to see the value of your life, hoping for death, hence jumping into a world of violence and fighting. But that’s not the case. That guy is just a child who’s too smart. Just a crying child who’s been left alone in the darkness, a world of nothingness far emptier than the world we can see.“ — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

At the end of the story, Gide and Oda are different from Dazai because they face an inevitable hopelessness. However, Dazai has a small spark of hope to live on that persists beyond the other two. 

This is represented in Dazai’s own statement to Oda, when Oda is set on walking to his death: “Go and rely on something, hope for something good to happen next, that something will definitely happen.” 

If anything, this sounds more like a plea to himself than to Oda, but it establishes an important point: hope is built upon the assumption that the future will treat your present desires well. Vice versa, hopelessness is built upon the expectation that the future will neglect your present desires.

It’s a bit wordy, so I’ll elaborate on. Right after Dazai says this line, they proceed to talk about their desires → Dazai wants to find a reason to live, so he joined the mafia; Oda wanted to become a novelist, so he didn’t kill anyone. 

Now, the difference between hope and hopelessness:

Oda feels hopeless because he expects that his present desire (to become a novelist) won’t be fulfilled in the future. By losing the one qualification that he felt he had to follow (not killing anyone), he no longer believes that he can become a novelist.

Dazai has hope because he assumes that his present desire (to find a reason to live) will be fulfilled in the future. He doesn’t know that for sure, but he persists onwards regardless of having full assurance or not. 

Dazai’s hope and trust in Oda brings him to where he is in the present, and takes him one step closer towards discovering his reason to live. 

[diaryofaconsumerbehaviourst-blog]

The story of how I got addicted to plants...

The Covid 19 pandemic has been hard on many people. Lockdown has everyone stuck in their homes and unsure of when they will be let out again. Being stuck has had some people feel the need to re-organize and re-decorate their living spaces. I myself felt like my living space was in need of some changes. At the time my self-concept felt stable however as the pandemic lockdown became longer and longer I felt my self-concept slowly drift away from me. 

According to the textbook, self-concept is the beliefs a person holds about her own attributes, and how she evaluates these qualities (Ch 5). The self is a complex concept that takes into account a few different specific domains. Kendra Cherry says the domains are:  “Academic: success or failure in school, Affect: the awareness of emotional states, Competence: the ability to meet basic needs, Family: how well one functions within the family unit, Physical: feelings about looks, health, physical condition, and overall appearance, Social: the ability to interact with others” (K. Cherry, 2021). In my case before the first lockdown my self-concept was “I am a good friend”, “I am organized” “I am a plant killer” but as time in lockdown became longer and longer I found my self reflecting on my self-concept and feeling as if it was changing to “ I am a good plant parent” and “I am not as organized as I thought”.

With my self-concept slowly changing I became more open to different things that crossed my path each day. So one day I was scrolling through Instagram and I came across this account by two Montreal girls who sold house plants called Cocogroot. Prior to this, I had tried to have house plants but I always killed them. No matter what I did the plants rebelled against me and always died. However, for some reason, I felt drawn to this Instagram page. Maybe it was their use of sensory marketing which appealed to my visual senses. Using sensory marketing through Instagram can be quite challenging since you cannot access people’s touch and smell senses through a phone screen but you can utilize sound and visual effects to appeal and attract people through Instagram. Sensory marketing uses a variety of techniques to appeals to a person’s 5 senses: Sight, smell, touch, hear and taste. According to Brandtastic.com the best way to use sight in sensory marketing is through colours, images, text, graphics, video and light. The Instagram account used an aesthetically pleasing theme and used high-quality pictures they were taking of the plants they were selling.

After a bit of internal contemplation, I decided that I was going to take the risk and buy one or 2 plants from them. Even though I killed every single plant I had prior to buying a new one from them this summer I felt confident. With each post that Cocogroot made about the plant, they included a small amount of information about its care. This helped me decide which plant I was going to buy because I want to really learn how to take care of it. I contacted them through direct message and they contacted me back quickly. I was impressed with their service and set up a date to go pick up the plants from them. The following day I drove 50 minutes to go get these plants and when I arrived there was no one home. I rang the bell multiple time and no answer. I messaged them on Instagram and finally got a response from them a little while later. They had forgotten I was coming. They rushed home and I was finally able to get my plants from them. I bought a beautiful Marble Queen Pothos and a Lemon Lime Maranta. 

Picture 1. Maranta Lemon-lime   

Picture 2. Clipping from Marble Pothos

` I was very happy with the quality and size of the plant. Again at this point, I still didn’t know anything about how to take care of plants.   

If I could make some suggestions to the girls who sold me my first plants it would be this; use more co-branding or partnerships, Include more information regarding the care of the plant and Be more organized when you have a client coming to pick up a product. 

Co-branding and partnerships can be a very good idea especially for small companies that sell only using Instagram. A way that companies can use partnerships is by hosting a giveaway. Giveaways are great because each of the companies in the partnership will receive more brand recognition, followers, likes and comments. This will then translate to an increase in sales. 

One of the issues I had when buying these plants was that I believed that I could take care of these plants without doing any additional research. I used limited problem-solving went I purchased the plants because I put in minimal effort into making a decision about the purchase. One of the plant Instagram accounts I follow now called littlenorthplants includes an insane amount of information about plants. Anything you could ever have questions about is on her Instagram page. If Cocogroots page included information like that their customers would be more informed about what plant is right for them and be able to use extended problem solving to fill their needs. 

Lastly, Organization for pick-ups. This one is also very important because no customer wants to feel disappointed after interacting with you. By putting in the effort to respond to your clients will go a long way when the customer thinks about repurchasing from them.  

References

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-self-concept-2795865

https://brandastic.com/blog/sensory-marketing/#:~:text=%20Sensory%20Marketing%20with%20Sight%20%201%20Colors.,a%20visual%20medium%2C%20but%20that%E2%80%99s%20precisely...%20More

https://nonsensecollection.com/extended-limited-problem-solving-behaviours/65

[pilawforhire]

@bookofaion asked:

(( bro, I miss your HCs, give me something about Law & how he views the past, what are his big regrets, what are things he reflects on most? besides Corazon's death, what's something he would like to change? does he believe 'everything happens for a reason' or nah? ))

//Hey, Ane! Thank you so much for the ask. It really got me thinking, and I haven’t been thinking about such deeper topics in a long time. I don’t think I could express my thoughts well in this, so please excuse the rambling, if things don’t make sense, and the very disorganised everything.

Reflections:

“Death surrounds us. If there’s one thing you can count on in life, it’s the infallible, all-embracing hand of death, and the permanence and irreversibility of its fatal touch. Death is an old friend of mine, but also a teacher, a companion: lifelong, eternal.”

Given the death he’s witnessed, death lurking in every corner one turns, the ‘death’ tattooed on his fingers (a reminder, now), I think death and mortality would feature commonly in his reflections – not with pessimism, not necessarily with despair, but as a stimulus to live; reflecting on death in order to reflect on life, its impermanence (in the scope of an individual’s), its shortness of nature, ever-changing.

For instance, thoughts on: why death is generally feared, the lessons death has taught him, how he should like to die (by his own hand, ideally within his control, but not alone), what a good death would be like (facing death with courage, dying for a worthy cause; what is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying), when is it time to let go, and most importantly, why he should not die yet. Especially in his adolescence and/or young adulthood, owing to the losses he survived, and their ripples of anguish, it would’ve been crucial to ask, over and over, why he should live on – and how. How should he live. With strength, courage, dignity – exactly how he envisions he would die.

Of course, there’d also be reflections on the bigger decisions he’s made in life (with regards to his goals, the crew, etc.); reflections on his past (with a yearning, and a smidgen of loneliness), on how far he’s come (with incredulity; made it, after all), on his crew and Bepo’s friendship (with gratitude, appreciation); reflections on those he failed to save (I kind of headcanon that throughout his travels, in order to gain the experience as a doctor/surgeon, he would’ve helped civilians, either those who can’t afford to be treated in hospitals, or if he encounters someone who’s ill/hurt, or in clinics in smaller towns – granted, he could practise on corpses, but I doubt he’d turn down someone who needed help if it was within his means to treat them (‘bad’ guys aside; circumstances dependent); at least once he’d have failed to save a child, and the experience would’ve been humbling).

More in his younger years, he’d likely have reflected on numerous what-if scenarios, if Corazon had survived, etc.

How he views his past:

Over time, he’d have crawled along the path towards acceptance of the people he’s lost, though the sorrow is an undying presence (and would’ve, more so in the past, manifested as anger or irritation). Yet, on the path to acceptance, it’d still be difficult to fully let go of the guilt or self-blame, considering they spur him towards his goal, and his goal of fulfilling his legacy, taking down Joker, is everything that keeps him moving forwards.

I think, for the longest time, he viewed his past with regret; when he thought of the past, he thought only of everything he lost. But I’d like to think that later along his journey, although the past is still something he cannot talk openly about, without fear of it all spilling out in an overwhelming way, he’s able to reflect on the good times as well, with gratitude. He had a good, loving family; Corazon had given him hope, and his last dying breath. Yes, they were all taken from him too soon, but there were some fonder memories, bittersweet to relive.

Eventually, he wouldn’t think of his past as a burden or something that weighs him down, but more a series of events that has strengthened and taught him a number of things: courage to scrabble his way through and drag his leaden limbs back from the pitch darkness not once but time and time again, to embrace the suffering (albeit, possibly to an unhealthy extent; without suffering, how could he appreciate pleasures), the necessity of being prepared, that everyone dies (because life comes at a price) (but that death makes life meaningful; death gives us incentive to live), to appreciate the smaller things: his crew (they are his lifeboat), the sunrise, (every breath, every pain) – still, he was willing to give it all up for his goal.

Does he believe that everything happens for a reason?

I don’t think he’d ever be able to accept that his family’s and Corazon’s deaths happened for a reason, and he’d be of the opinion that reasons or meaning are just things humans attribute to circumstances out of their control in order to make sense of things. Nothing could explain or justify their deaths. Did they all really have to die so he would learn how to cope with grief and loss, and understand what suffering was like? In his teens, he would’ve brooded about the unfairness of life taking everything from him not once but twice, though eventually he’d have tried to use his past to empower himself instead, believing that he’d survived all that, he could survive anything – though this leads to him developing a belief in his invincibility (thus the necessity later on to remind himself of his mortality), by pushing himself always to the limits, braving harsh weather/conditions, disregarding colds or ailments.

Big regrets:

Aside from accidentally running to Vergo and disclosing Corazon’s undercover identity – I’d think he’d regret more of his states of being in the past: ignorant, inadequate, helpless, and he’s extra hard on himself in attempts to avoid stumbling into such scenarios again. On some level, he’d understand certain circumstances are out of his control – when he brought Vergo that document, he’d decided it was the best course of action to take – yet he’d strive to be as prepared as possible; can’t risk complacency or carelessness.

On the whole, in his adulthood, I don’t think he’d have big regrets. He’d be of the firm belief this is the path he’s meant to take. (And if he does have regrets about decisions made in battle or involving their voyage, those would be regrets he reflects on to learn from.)

As Viktor Frankl said: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way” – albeit, for Law, the path he chose was one rooted in feelings of guilt and despair.

Still, even after that talk with Sengoku post-Dressrosa, even after hearing the words he’d subconsciously been desiring to hear someone say to him all the years, that he was under no obligations, that Corazon saved him not just because of the ‘D’ in his name (paraphrasing the exact words because I don’t remember), if Law were able to return to the past and choose a different path, 101 out of 101 times, he would not have chosen differently. Even if taking out Doffy did not alleviate the sense of emptiness, that goal carried him 13 years, longer than any other would’ve (he thinks).

“He gave me life; he gave me a reason to live. I made a choice of my own free-will. Who’s to say any other path or choice would’ve resulted in a ‘better’ outcome? Would I have been better off not dedicating my life to pursuing Joker? No, I’d have been worse off.”

Besides, I think he may not be able to picture himself leading an ordinary, civilian life. It would be a generally safer, more stable and secure way of living, but at the risk of succumbing to ennui? He’d crave the heart-pounding adrenaline from fights, the thrills of walking a fine line between life and death (mocking, challenging, taunting death). (Though he doesn’t take unnecessary risks, especially since assuming his responsibilities as a captain.)

Besides Corazon's death, what's something he would like to change?

In all honesty, while he would’ve, in the past, wished he could’ve gone back in time and acted differently to save Corazon’s life, in the present, at 26, I think he’d have accepted Corazon as dead for over a decade, that he wouldn’t feel strongly about changing that. Not that he doesn’t wish he could speak to or see Corazon one last time, but he’s, over time, come to accept that such wishful thinking is completely pointless. Furthermore, I think he’d have gotten used to…mourning/missing him. Having him back would be undeserving. If Corazon is back, what excuse would he have to explain his self-destructiveness – it would mean that he ought to be absolved from the guilt (but he’s not ready to let that go). It would mean that he could maybe even be happy, and that is a scary thought. ‘Happiness’: terrifying, quite so very something he’s unaccustomed to letting himself experience. Although he’s reflected on death, mortality, it would still be nagging him in the back of his mind that one day he’d have to mourn Corazon again.

As for something else he’d like to change, his hirsuteness, or lack thereof. (In all seriousness, I haven’t thought of a good answer, sorry.) I think he may aim more for inner change first – forever wanting to a better self than who he was the day before. By better, I don’t necessarily mean doing ‘good’ but…more knowledgeable, tougher, experienced. To aim to stand ready and confident to take without flinching whatever life throws at him.

Because he will persevere. Granted, his resolve wavers from time to time, being that he is only human; there are weaker and lower moments and phases, but he persists because through and through, Law is a rebel. Guiltily, I would like to think he would rebel against the ocean of greyness that threatens to engulf.

He will never surrender. He’ll die fighting, like Corazon did.

And with a smile.

Probably giving the finger too.

[myprincecandy]

[ENG] ZTAO in L’officiel Hommes China 2017 special edition

MANY POSSIBILITIES: HUANG ZITAO, BREAKING OUT & SHOWING THERE’S MORE THAN ONE SIDE TO HIM

When talking about people in the entertainment industry who are still able to maintain being true to themselves, we believe that the name Huang Zitao pops up immediately. Rather than just attributing it to him being a type AB, why not say that it’s because our “30-year-old! Tao” keeps being a “3-year-old! Tao” at heart. Having so many sides to him allows him to retain more of the potential & possibilities in his character amidst the ever-changing public sentiments

In the 5 years since he became an artist, Huang Zitao is often at the centre of various hot topics. But the public knows and understands very little about how he is really like. Be it the memes, the top searches or being a magnet for negative and hostile attention…..all those are merely a snapshot of his personality taken out of context. We might even say that his character’s been over-simplified. Either he’s the arrogant and blunt 3-year-old!Tao or the considerate and mature 30-year-old!Tao. Rarely is there a chance for him to completely show the side of him that’s paradoxical and not as adorable. The many sides to his personality only truly became more concrete to people, after the aid of the many variety shows and movies. The charm exuded from the variety show, shown as he transitioned from the unruly rookie to becoming the “soldier king” who’s so passionate about the army, provided a whole new perspective of him to viewers. So it turns out that the Huang Zitao of many memes and controversies, is actually very adorable, funny, real & slightly narcissistic. Yet when his teammates are facing hard times, he chooses to quietly support them from behind. This lets many people see the considerate, heart-warming and sensitive side of him. 

ALWAYS EXPLORING NEW SIDES TO HIMSELF

Huang Zitao never seems to run out of things to say when chatting about his days in the army. Because that has left him with too many touching memories. “The last time I cried, it was when I was still in the army. Because I really couldn’t bear to leave my fellow comrades and squad leaders. I feel that if I am not a singer, I would definitely go join the army!” Huang Zitao, who constantly surprises the masses, has attracted more attention through his multifaceted personality.

And this generous display to the outside world, as shown in the variety shows, is still, in the end, a way to attract more people to his infinite potential in music and acting. Huang Zitao says that he won’t be taking part in any reality tv shows for the time being. It is, after all, a means to bring more attention to his works. His focus, from now on, will still be on music and dramatic works. In the music that he’s released this year, he’s used the style of EDM (electronic dance music) to create a new C-POP song “Time”. In terms of fashion, he has tried different possibilities. In the drama “The Brightest star in the Sky”, he’s not only playing the lead and investing in the project. He’s also serving, for the first time, as the drama’s music producer. As he takes on more roles and gets every more enriching exposures to different areas of work, Huang Zitao’s constantly exploring new sides to himself along with everyone. He doesn’t set limits for himself and he doesn’t want to be typecast. The “3-year-old! Tao” is a free spirit, pursuing his true happiness to the end. The “30-year-old! Tao” is determined and responsible, never letting the past trap or stop him, and never fearing the future. After all, the future’s always new and unexpected. There are too few interesting souls out there. So perhaps you should keep an eye and look forward to Huang Zitao. 

BEING HONEST AND FRANK IS NOT A CHARACTER SETTING FOR ME

From being the “honest and frank” boy to the “untamed horse in the military”, if you are still sticking labels on to Huang Zitao, then perhaps you have missed too many interesting sides to him. His participation in the variety shows have gained him loads of attention and fans, but that’s just to help him get people to recognize his infinite potential in music and acting. He’s both “3-year-old! Tao” and “30-year-old! Tao” , maintaining a youthful heart while being very grounded. 

When you enter the words “Huang Zitao” into a search engine, it will show you gazillions of search results, with related searches like “Huang Zitao memes”, “Huang Zitao hats” & “Huang zitao rap”. To people who don’t quite understand him, these few labels form what the public sees of Huang Zitao, a topic generator. After all the debate and controversies, nowadays, the image that Huang Zitao gives to people is more of the forthright, and spontaneous sort. Even though it looks a little like a total reborn/remaking of him to people who don’t know him, all along he’s only just been using his own ways to face the trials and challenges. Despite the fact that planning and pre-setting how his life would pan out would be a steadier choice, he has never intended to live that way. To use his own words, “There’s really no “setting” per se to my character. I’m just being myself. Oftentimes the AB side of me would show itself, and that’s the “3-year-old! Tao” and “30-year-old! Tao” . Sometimes even I don’t know which side would surface.”

The unpredictability of Huang Zitao, is actually a choice to reclaim and live life as true to oneself as possible. In this complicated entertainment industry, and operating outside of those “pre-set answers and moves”, he always sounds true and full of confidence. He attributes all that as part of his style. With him, there’s no “unspoken rules”. The only rule is to be happy. The AB side of him, is something that’s really within all of us. All the self-praise and recognition that we deem as vain, all the weaknesses and wilfulness that we seem to want to hide from others, or the tiny temper tantrums that are not accepted in the adult’s world… Those are things that he “3-year-old! Tao” expresses in its most primitive form. Naturally, that very real and open-mindedness about him, is all the more easily accepted and loved by this world which is governed by too many rules and restrictions. Some people may teach you how to negotiate your way through the world, but Huang Zitao only wishes to say to you, “don’t hold your true self back”.

The genius “3-year-old! Tao”

“Perfect side profile”, “great chest muscles”, “self-proclaimed genius”… Huang Zitao’s praise of himself never fails to ignite waves of searches on weibo. All the “golden quotes” he utters, always becomes the focal point of people’s discussions. This generous praise of himself and the way he lives so feely, has helped Huang Zitao find his own set of “rules of survival in the entertainment world”. That is how Zitao, who knows himself sufficiently well and is sure of the direction he wishes to pursue, has found a more direct way to show his true self and ambition. Not bothering to waste time on explanations but rather, focusing on doing things seriously and letting time prove everything.

After the first incident where he was late to a fashion event, most people felt that he would probably stay away from anything fashion related. A blogger even asked in an interview last year, “Why do you still dare to come, after the backlash that happened after your previous fashion week visit?” Huang Zitao calmly expressed that, “The only thing that incident made him do, was to want to make sure that he will not be late the next time. So, in the fashion events that followed, he would get to the venue 2 hours ahead of time. This has also become a standard for him. Be it filming on set or waiting, he will not attempt to explain too much about the incidents. The correct way to resolve that is by improving himself and showing it through his actions.

That’s how Huang Zitao treats his mistakes, and that’s also how he treats misunderstandings about him. “When other people misunderstand you, they might not listen to any explanations you may offer. But the fact remains and so you must wait, wait for time to prove that you are right.” So at the height of all those controversies, despite how shaken he felt deep inside, he still chose to remain silent. He went to the States to work on his music, choosing to immerse himself entirely in work. Not explaining nor shying away. Letting time wash away the mud, and show how he is truly like. That rare silence is an interesting contrast to how frank he is these days. “Don’t care about those gossip and rumours, but longs for recognition of his works”. That’s the source of everything.  In Huang Zitao’s minds, it seems that there’s always a compass. He knows where he comes from and at the same time, he never forgets, what he needs to do to get to where he wants to be. There will always be obstacles in the way forward, which causes some to waver or become lost. “Your self-confidence is not built on how much recognition others can give you. Rather it’s more of whether you are in control of your self-confidence. What abilities do you possess that gives yourself that confidence? What is it in your that lets others believe in what you tell them? Well, the answer is in your actions.” Huang Zitao has said that in conclusion during several interviews.  All his flamboyance, carefreeness and self-confidence are all built upon this.

He started working and earning money at the age of 15, debuting at 19, and starting out again to focus on his music and acting at 22. Up until today, this is what he has to say “I think it’s my belief and determination that has allowed me to arrive at where I am today. Don’t care about what others say about you, or what they feel that you can’t possibly do. You yourself have to believe that you can do it, and then proceed to achieve it, one step at a time.” As “30-year-old! Tao” said that, all the brashness of youth is gone from him. Each word is uttered like an oath engraved upon his heart.

“30-year-old! Tao” has this to say

“The things that don’t kill us, only makes us stronger.” That’s the promotional slogan of the the drama “The Negotiator”, of which Huang Zitao is the male lead. Huang Zitao, who is really only just starting out in the TV/movie industry, is almost an unstoppable force. From his first major role in the movie “Railroad Tigers”, to the drama “The Negotiators” where he teams up with Yang Mi, he’s releasing 3 movies and 2 dramas in less than a year. Working non-stop, Huang Zitao’s still filming “The brightest star in the sky” now. It seems that a lot of times, he prefers to move and not stop. Practising, absorbing and changing like a workaholic. Because “it’s more enriching to be constantly working”

Huang Zitao, who once said candidly that he doesn’t really watch movies, may be mistaken as one who’s “good at nothing”. As to the public who has doubts about his acting, he has responded with his “being a genius”. But behind all that joking around, is the actual experience he’s accumulated through the constant learning in the various projects he’s taken on. It’s the norm for actors to have to wait in between scenes. Some may choose to chit chat, read a book or even play games. Huang Zitao uses it to learn from the others. Through the director’s discussions with other actors, through observing, taking notes, and going through scenes with every actor, through taking on characters that are closer in various aspects to how he is. Through all that, he’s learning the rules of acting, and has begun to break those rules to mould it in into something that’s his own style. It’s like how he first started composing, making music. There’s always a memo on his musical inspirations in Huang Zitao’s phone. No matter when it is, so long as inspiration comes, he doesn’t want to miss this “luck”. Only when he notes it down or has the melody recorded will he feel at ease. It’s also like his determination in filming action movies. Combing the many years of his training with his acting ability, working hard to release his potential and show what he has learned in the captured scenes. This maybe what constitutes the “genius” in Huang Zitao, that so many co-workers and senior actors see in him.

To himself, he’s very strict. To his co-workers, he’ll try hard to build the rapport. He sets very high goals for himself, but during work, is very humble. His personality is such that he doesn’t want to disappoint the crew’s expectations in him and the efforts they’ve put in. During the filming of “Railroad Tigers”, not even being covered with chicken pox and sub-zero temperatures could keep him from taking part in filming. And it’s all so that he won’t be the cause of delays in the filming schedule. This made Jackie Chan give him high praises. In the beginning stages of filming “Edge of Innocence”, the entire crew had doubts about his acting ability and attitude. But with his insistence on not using doubles in fight scenes, and him continuing without complaint to finish his scenes despite having been accidentally injured by the stunt guys, he ultimately won the recognition of everyone.

In filming “The Negotiator”, Huang Zitao kept more of his time to be alone with the character he plays, “Xie Xiaofei”. This is so that he can examine the similarities and differences between his own growing up experiences with the character’s. The naivete that’s a result of an affluent background with no major setbacks in life, the ambition towards his career and life after growing up, are parts that he can pull readily from his own experiences. At the same time, he’s able to spend more effort in working on the parts which he doesn’t have. He finds his way of portraying the character through acting and discussions. Acting to him is, “all about focus. That and being diligent and getting into the character. The more you can get in character, the more perfectly it is being portrayed. As to my acting skills… well, in the past, all that stuff about being a genius... it’s all joking. I know I still have much room for improvement, and so I’ll learn more things, to change all that’s bad about me. It doesn’t matter if people remembers me or not. What matters is that they remember the character “Xie Xiaofei”.

Q&A

Q: What role do you play in “The Negotiator”? What are the similarities or differences between the role and you?

A: I’m playing “Xie Xiaofei”. He’s someone who changes and grows up a lot in the show. In the beginning, he’s the sort who might not really care about a lot of things. Because life has been smooth-sailing for him. He changed quite a bit after going through a lot, and becomes more mature in his life and career. But I’m quite different from him. I’ve gone to work when I was young and made my debut at a relatively young age. So, my mental state’s probably around 30-40 years old. I do find a lot of what Xie Xiaofei does in the earlier parts of the drama childish. But that confidence and ambition he has towards his career after he matures is still pretty much like me.

Q: What’s the most boring bit about filming that you find, when compare to making music? How do you handle those negative emotions?

A: When I’m writing songs I’m usually alone, so I feel that time passes very quickly. But filming is something done by a lot of people together, so there will be a lot of wait time. Because I’m the sort who will wait by the side if I don’t have any scenes, so that in the event when they do need me, I can go over immediately. As such, there’s quite a bit of time spent just waiting. But actually, it’s still fine, because that is something that you, as an actor, must done.

Q: Between the set and the recording studio, which is the one that makes your “nerves shake”?

A: Right now, actually it’s both. But if I must choose one, it would be the recording studio. But it would be shaking because of excitement

Q: What do you think about the issue of extensive use of green screens/CGI (note: more to save time actors have to spend on set etc.) in the filming of dramas? Are there any “unspoken rules” in the industry that you are not comfortable with?

A: Actually, I do not support the use of that technique. But a lot of times, due to the requirements from the crew, and for post-production, it would be utilised. So, it’s unavoidable in a way I guess. But I don’t know what are “unspoken rules”. In any case, there are none with me.

Q: Do your desires or wants change according to increases in your income?

A: No. All the material stuff around you don’t really matter. What you want to persist and maintain is your pursuit of your dreams and beliefs. That’s the true meaning of life.

Q: Occasionally we see you clocking your hours at the gym through your posts online. When did you started taking note of your health, and started to work out? What plans have you put in place and how do you guarantee that you follow them through?

A: I started working out before the concert tour began this year. Back then it was so that I would have better stamina for the concert. Later on, it was so that I would be in better shape for filming in the new drama. But now working out has become a habit. If I don’t go running and exercising every day, I would feel weird. And I’ve been eating more healthily now.

Q: Would you watch movies to help you improve your acting? Do you watch your own movies? How does it feel to watch yourself on the big screen?

A: I don’t really have much time to rest, so I have had no time to go and watch movies. I can only learn and improve myself in the process of filming. It’s still rather interesting to watch my own movies. Sometimes I can get back into character just by watching it for a short while. By recalling how that character was feeling then, it really makes you feel for him.

-      Source of scans: lunchbox0502

[yourgodmoments]

Christ’s Foot Soldiers - part 4

In the first three parts of this series, we looked at how to more effectively deliver the good news of God’s salvation through Christ, a way to frame the message, and how to alleviate some of the most common objections that unbelievers have, which serve as barriers against their receiving the gospel.

Now, let’s examine some of the deeper theological misinformation that our unbelievers may have accumulated. Keep in mind that some people will throw out these ‘big ones’ just to try to throw you off, so that you’ll go away. (Gently persist until they tell you straight up that they aren’t interested.)

If there is anything that you don’t feel you can answer, your response is always this: ‘I don’t know about that, but the Bible has all the answers. Let me ask someone who does know, and then I’ll get back to you.’

Let’s begin:

1. ‘I don’t believe in God.’ (Generally, this is not a ‘faith’ issue, but rather reflects the investment that they have in their sin lifestyle.)

Your answer: ‘Okay. So, tell me what your thoughts are about how this universe got here and the people and animals, etc.’ (Let them finish all their thoughts so that their head is empty and poised to receive what you have to say.)

‘God has put an unction in your heart to seek Him out and has shown you many of His characteristics in His creations. And, good things happen when you look for Him:’

…that which is known about God is evident within them [in their inner consciousness], for God made it evident to them. For ever since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through His workmanship [all His creation, the wonderful things in the world that He has made], so that they [who fail to believe and trust in Him] are without excuse and without defense. Rm. 1:19, 20. AMP

“The hand of God is favorably disposed to all those who seek Him…” Ezra 8:22 NASB

‘Science would propose the Big Bang theory and the theory of Evolution (90 years ago and 160 years ago respectively) to explain how the universe was formed and how the inhabitants of our planet came into being.

If we are to believe (i.e. have faith) in these, we would have to accept the premise that there was a pre-existing universe that spilled a part itself into nothing and miraculously, our universe was born. None of this can be proved.

We are also asked to swallow the assumption that lightning struck some primordial soup of just the right chemical mix and cellular life was spontaneously created, (something that has never been able to be replicated in a laboratory). The odds of all that happening is one in ten to the 99th power. That’ a 1 followed by 99 zeros; not remotely likely.

Finally, if we are to take Darwin’s evolution at face value, you would have fish becoming land animals and monkeys becoming man. There was a time, eons ago, called the Cambrian Explosion, where according to fossil evidence, there was a simultaneous appearance of a great diverse species of life. That blows away Darwin’s theory.

The only ‘evolution’ that took place is that horses, dogs, man got bigger and stronger, but all species stayed the same. Ducks did not become salamanders. Chimpanzees were related to cavemen, but the last of them died out a quarter of a million years before modern man showed up.

Even in plant life, we don’t see any natural diversification. Plums will not grow watermelons, etc.

Four thousand years ago, the Bible (God’s word) tells us of creation and of many other scientific facts. It describes the sequence of the creation of the universe and of life exactly as science would postulate much, much later. (Gn. Ch 1 & 2) It tells of the nature of the wind currents (Eccl. 1:6), the shape of the earth (Is. 40:22), that the earth hangs in empty space (Job 26:7), and speaks of innumerable stars and the patterns that they have (Jer. 33:33, 31:35).

God speaks of future events that all come to fruition. No other religion does that. Science says that all our laws of physics began when the universe was created, and they too must have been created by a source outside of space, energy, matter and time. Only God fills the bill.

Nothing God has said has ever been proved untrue. Even His laws for living provide for the greatest and highest life. There is no substitute. We can depend upon God for viable, repeatable results. An atheist has nothing tangible to hang his faith upon. For example:’

“For I am the LORD, I do not change [but remain faithful to My covenant with you]…” Mal.. 3:6 AMP

‘Therefore, God is immovable and eternal, (thus, outside of space and time because He created both.) He experiences past, present and future simultaneously because He is the author of them all – omnipresent.’

‘I am the First and I am the Last; besides Me there is no God.’ Is. 44:6 NKJV

“God is spirit [the Source of life, yet invisible to mankind]…” Jn. 4:24 AMP

‘As a Spirit, God is boundless, infinite, perfect and eternal – who was existing before anything else did, and He will remain at their end – even to their eternal transformation:’

By faith [that is with an inherent trust and enduring confidence in the power, wisdom and goodness of God] we understand the worlds (universe, ages) were framed and created [formed, put in order, and equipped for their intended purpose] by the word of God… Heb. 11:3 AMP

‘Omnipotent.’

2. ‘I don’t believe that the Bible contains the word of God.’

If some did not believe or were unfaithful [to God], their lack of belief will not nullify and make invalid the faithfulness of God and His word, will it? Certainly not! Let God be found true [as He will be], though every person be found a liar, just as it is written [in Scripture], “THAT YOU MAY BE JUSTIFIED IN YOUR WORDS, AND PREVAIL WHEN YOU ARE JUDGED [by sinful men].” Rm. 3:3, 4. AMP

“Heaven and earth [as now known] will pass away, but My words will not pass away.” Mt. 24:35 AMP

“Whoever is of God and belongs to Him hears [the truth of] God’s words; for this reason you do not hear them: because you are not of God and you are not in fellowship with Him.” Jn. 8:47 AMP

‘Everybody would want to connect with God if they realized how much He loved them. However, you cannot connect with Him (or anyone) unless you first build a relationship with Him.

Relationships are borne from learning how to understand the other, and how to tend to their needs and desires. It all involves a process of time, communication and action (based upon what is learned in the communication).

God already knows us. To help us get to know Him, He left us a ‘love letter’ referred to as the Bible, which allows us (using time, communication and action) to build a love relationship with Him.

To address your unbelief, let me unravel why we Christians consider the Bible to be penned in God’s own words…

The Bible came about in a most miraculous fashion: 40 Holy Spirit-inspired men, (meaning God was talking directly to them), from all walks of life, wrote the 66 books that comprise the Bible, over a 1500-year span, in 3 different languages from 3 different continents. Despite these differences, the end result is a cohesive, non-contradictory theme, which each of the books explaining / defining the others in further detail.

It is a remarkable account of the beginning of all things and progresses to their end.

The Dead Sea scrolls prove that the Old Testament has survived its authenticity for thousands of years without corruption. Thousands of letters circulated by the early church fathers, when pieced together, display a 99.9% accuracy for God’s word in the New Testament.

The Bible’s historical accurateness has been proven archeologically – supported by more historical extra-biblical manuscripts than any other book.

No other non-biblical holy scriptures possess prophecies about future events (which came true), as does those prophesied by God in the Bible. This includes many that were made about Christ and His coming.

The Bible possess an inherent ‘rightness’ in its words that brings us into God’s presence, which has inspired people to make it the most translated and best-selling book of all time. In addition, it has withstood atheistic assault for more than 4 millennia, and the truth of God’s word continues to endure.

Jesus Himself testified as to the veracity of the scriptures as being the pure truth of God.

Many scientific facts are revealed centuries before their human discovery. (You, the reader, refer to the first section of this post for your armamentarium.)

Jesus commissioned and equipped His apostles to deliver the totality of the New Testament, to establish the first church, and propagate the gospel to save all souls from destruction.

Finally, and most importantly, when people read the Bible, it changes them – transforming their natural broken state into a higher spiritual plane, meeting all of humankind’s spiritual, relational and moral needs.

That’s why we believe the Bible is the word of God.’

Well, I thought I could cover the ‘big objections’ in one post. Not. Don’t be disheartened. You don’t have to know this material word-for-word; but if you get it in your heart, you will bring glory to God as you do your best to fill the kingdom.

Keep putting on the armor. More to come…

Goodnight and God bless.

[gethealthy18-blog]

35 Inspiring Leadership Quotes From Powerful Women

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/getting-healthy/getting-healthy-women/35-inspiring-leadership-quotes-from-powerful-women/

35 Inspiring Leadership Quotes From Powerful Women

Esha Saxena March 27, 2019

Whether it’s astronomy, business, sports, entertainment, or politics, women have proved their mettle in every field. Even though the playing field has been anything but even, some women broke all boundaries with their fearlessness, hard work, and perseverance.

Try as we may, we can’t always maintain the streak. So, when the going gets tough, a mini existential crisis hits, and it all gets too much – get yourself a spoonful of inspiration to nudge you back on track. Take a moment to absorb and internalize these powerful words from some truly phenomenal women.

35 Leadership Quotes By Women Of Remarkable Substance

“I learned to always take on things I’d never done before. Growth and comfort do not coexist.” – Ginni Rometty, CEO of IBM

“Listening to others, especially those with whom we disagree, tests our own ideas and beliefs. It forces us to recognize, with humility, that we don’t have a monopoly on the truth.” – Janet Yellen, Economist

“People respond well to those that are sure of what they want.” – Anna Wintour, Editor-in-Chief, Vogue

“Women need to shift from thinking “I’m not ready to do that” to thinking “I want to do that – and I’ll learn by doing it.” ” – Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook

“Give light and people will find the way.” – Ella Baker, Activist

“I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.” – Audre Lorde, Poet, Writer, and Activist

“I raise up my voice not so I can shout but so that those without a voice can be heard… We cannot succeed when half of us are held back.” – Malala Yousazai, Activist

“On my own, I will just create, and if it works, it works, and if it doesn’t, I’ll create something else. I don’t have any limitations on what I think I could do or be.” – Oprah Winfrey, Media Mogul

“I had to make my own living and my own opportunity! But I made it! Don’t sit down and wait for the opportunities to come. Get up and make them.” – Madam C. J. Walker, The first female self-made millionaire in America

“Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve.” – J.K. Rowling, Writer

“You may not always have a comfortable life, and you will not always be able to solve all of the world’s problems at once but don’t ever underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own.” – Michelle Obama, Former First Lady of the United States of America

“Buckle up, and know that it’s going to be a tremendous amount of work, but embrace it.” – Tory Burch, Fashion Designer

“An important attribute of success is to be yourself. Never hide what makes you, you.” – Indra Nooyi, CEO of PepsiCo

“Fearlessness is like a muscle. I know from my own life that the more I exercise it, the more natural it becomes to not let my fears run me.” – Arianna Huffington, Journalist and Entrepreneur

“You cannot live to please everyone else. You have to edify, educate and fulfill your own dreams and destiny.” – Viola Davis, Actress and Producer

“You have to fight because you can’t count on anyone else fighting for you. And you have to fight for people who can’t fight for themselves. To get anything of real value, you have to fight for it.” – Ronda Rousey, Professional Wrestler

“People will say to me, ‘You’ve played so many strong women,’ and I’ll say, ‘Have you ever said to a man, ‘You’ve played so many strong men?’’ No! Because the expectation is men are varied. Why can’t we have that expectation about women?” – Meryl Streep, Actress

“Dreams are lovely but they are just dreams. Fleeting, ephemeral, pretty. But dreams do not come true just because you dream them. It’s hard work that makes things happen. It’s hard work that creates change.” – Shonda Rhimes, TV Producer

“There is a stubbornness about me that never can bear to be frightened at the will of others. My courage always rises at every attempt to intimidate me.” – Jane Austen, Novelist

“Define success on your own terms, achieve it by your own rules, and build a life you’re proud to live.” – Anne Sweeney, Co-chair of Disney Media

“The best way to change it is to do it. Right? And then after a while, you become it and it’s easy.” – Ursula Burns, Former CEO of Xerox

“To me, leadership is about encouraging people. It’s about stimulating them. It’s about enabling them to achieve what they can achieve – and to do that with a purpose.” – Christine Lagarde, Lawyer and Politician

“When you can’t find someone to follow, you have to find a way to lead by example.” – Roxane Gay, Writer

“Abandon anything about your life and habits that might be holding you back.” – Sophia Amoruso, Founder of Nasty Gal

“I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life’s a bitch. You’ve got to go out and kick ass.” – Maya Angelou, Writer, Poet and Civil Rights Activist

“We must have ideals and try to live up to them, even if we never quite succeed. Life would be a sorry business without them. With them, it’s grand and great.” – Lucy Maude Montgomery, Writer

“I always did something I was a little not ready to do. I think that’s how you grow. When there’s that moment of ‘Wow, I’m not really sure I can do this,’ and you push through those moments, that’s when you have a breakthrough.” – Marissa Mayer, Co-founder of Lumi Labs

“A good leader inspires people to have confidence in the leader, a great leader inspires people to have confidence in themselves.” Eleanor Roosevelt, Author, Politician and Diplomat

“You have got to do the right thing even if it is painful. Don’t trim or track all over the place. Set your course and take the difficult decisions – because that is what needs to be done.” – Margaret Thatcher, Former Prime Minister of the United Kingdom

“The path from dreams to success does exist.” – Kalpana Chawla, Astronaut and Aeronautical Engineer

“The difference between successful people and others is how long they spend time feeling sorry for themselves.” – Barbara Corcoran, Founder of The Corcoran Group

“Take criticism seriously, but not personally. If there is truth or merit in the criticism, try to learn from it. Otherwise, let it roll right off you.” – Hillary Clinton, Politician

“Champions keep playing until they get it right.” – Billie Jean King, Former World No. 1 Professional Tennis Player

“Don’t you ever let a soul in the world tell you that you can’t be exactly who you are.” – Lady Gaga, Singer, Songwriter, and Actress

“Every twist and turn in life is an opportunity to learn something new about yourself, your interests, your talents, and how to set and then achieve goals.” – Jameela Jamil, Actress and Activist

Female leadership matters, and it is about time more organizations and fields tackle the under-representation of women in powerful positions. We hope these quotes uplift and motivate you to put up your best fight to accomplish all your dreams. Which one of these is going to stick with you? Let us know in the comments section below.

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Source: https://www.stylecraze.com/articles/leadership-quotes-by-powerful-women/

[evergreen-soul]

The Distressful Allegory of Discovering my Career Path

Michelle Viloria

Purpose: Writing Sample

Introduction Class

August 22, 2017

            For the majority of my life I had always been organized and determined to achieve my goals. At a young age, I developed admirance for the way health care professionals provided help to the ailing, despite age, hierarchy or ethnicity. I was astonished that one could make an affluent living by simply caring for others and bettering their lives. Logically, my mind was set on the path of pursuing medicine. I progressed through life and my studies with a fixated goal to which i was determined to achieve. After years of diligent research on the pediatric field, I was certain on my readiness to embark on the 11 year collegiate journey required in becoming a licensed pediatrician. I was tailoring my high school classes toward a major that corresponded with my intended profession until I abruptly found myself lost in the depths of an existential cataclysm.

It was my junior year of high school. The year known for being the most stressful and nerve wracking of all four. It was the year a student was expected to be taking rigorous college prep courses, applying to colleges, studying for the SAT’s, weekly tests and essentially preparing for the rest of your life. Moreover, said student was expected to maintain a healthy diet, hygiene & social life, all while receiving a substantial amount of rest per night and being active in extracurriculars, seems simple right? Of course we can’t neglect the students parental unit, notorious for bombarding remarks about cleaning their room and doing the dishes instead of recovering the rest sacrificed to studying the night prior. Being oblivious to these upcoming adversities and due to my inherent passion and optimism for academia, I commenced my junior year with vibrant enthusiasm regarding my several AP classes. Prioritizing immense workload and tormenting deadlines over my own health, I progressed through the first semester of my junior year with poor strategies. I was receiving 3 hours of rest per night and relying on high doses of caffeine in order to surmount the subsequent school day. I found myself transitioning into academic machinery, utterly emotionless, monotone and my diet and sleep routine solely consisted of the bare minimum required to survive. I expended my remaining energy on completing each night's assigned workload and making another cup of coffee. The only ounce of self care I took part in was allowing for brief moments of rest when applicable, this left little room for outlets of enjoyment.  My loved ones became concerned for the toll that these habits would inevitably unveil. Despite their unease, I was rendered sightless in a desperate state of in denial. I insisted on fortifying an unrealistic concept of balance that i yearned for internally. Although being one I had never anticipated, the most detrimental adversity occurred in the midst of the chaos. I gradually grew distant with my faith and as a result this eliminated any remnants of hope and motivation that lingered within myself.

To no astonishment, my physical health deteriorated as i continued to advance through the year. My undeviating lack of sleep ensued a constant state of low energy by default, an unwavering lethargy and poor social skills attributed to my absence of interest or motivation for anything other than rest. I was utterly hopeless and simply striving to get through each mind numbing obstacle that prevented me from returning to the solace of my bed. I awoke every morning distressed at the sight of sunlight peering through my blinds, as this entailed another day of compliance. Eventually my daily routine became mechanical and involuntary,  everything from showering to walking to school was a hurdle, an irrational yet unbearable internal battle i wasn’t sure i could overcome yet proceeded to endure mindlessly, simply because that’s what other people did. These overwhelming daily hurdles were tasks expected of all students, this being said, i spent hours desperately contemplating why these were particularly difficult for myself to overcome. This ongoing frustration soon ingrained feelings of worthlessness, disappointment and self loathing.  Despite the daily battle of having to face the unrelenting emptiness, i proceeded to let my loved ones be oblivious to the gravity of my despair and simply attributed my disinterest and gradual distance to my substandard sleep habits. I spent each day feeding a facade that was silently eating away at me. In a bittersweet prosperity, i had succeeded. Absolutely no one, had noticed that the light in my eyes had gone out.

To contribute to these disheartening series of events, came an inconvenient epiphany. In the midst of embracing the planes of my emotional solitude, although I was unsure of how to find happiness again, I was certain that I would not find it in pursuing a profession in medicine. As an individual who has incessantly identified with habitual organization and structured goals, I had developed a fixated vision of my desired career path. Due to this adamant notion, this newly found consensus of uncertainty rendered me spiraling into a state of turmoil with utmost severity.  

As predicted, the anticipated toll  arrived as the year came to an end.  I completed the year in a spiraling nature plagued by immense confusion and a conceivable diagnosis of Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) along with an anxiety disorder (GAD) and Panic Disorder, which confined me to several involuntary hospitalizations and psych ward transfers.

On a much lighter note, although i cannot declare that these were in fact a misdiagnosis,  I can fortunately say that I am undergoing medication and intensive treatment in an effort to repossess my life. Can I say that i’m happy? No. Can I say that I overcame that introductory hurdle to mental illness that many never got the chance to? Yes.  Although I am admittedly not the familiar enthusiastic spirit I was prior to these events, I can confidently attest that I have learned more about myself than i ever thought possible. In the midst of the abyss that was my mental stature, and within the countless installments of disassociation and forgotten purpose, I was exposed to a significant lesson-one to which would resonate with me perpetually. Promptly, the confusion and distress that had afflicted me daily, had ceased.  Within the damaged networks of my mind, a brief yet momentous period of clarity had manifested itself into existence. I discovered the value of embracing the peace encompassed within the unknown. I became aware that directing my energy toward accomplishing set goals and desired incentives were utterly meaningless and served as merely underlying factors when seeking happiness and self fulfillment. It occurred to me for the first time in my life, that it was acceptable to not have everything figured out. Upon this awareness, a weight was instantaneously lifted from my chest. It became apparent that the path of uncertainty was to my astonishment, manifested as a more desirable condition-instead of being distressful, burdensome and therefore additional evidence of my own incompetence.  The state of not knowing was no longer a stressor nor ignorance but rather an embodiment of liberation.  

Although a catastrophic concept among asian academic culture along with my own onset beliefs, I learned that the exploration of  life’s various opportunities performed as a more beneficial and educational route than pursuing previously set fixations in order to guarantee safety. A common misconception fails to acknowledge a paradox within this unpopular design; the definite elimination of conventional walls rather than the creation of additional obstacles when striving for genuine happiness. What if in reality your safety net was in fact acting as a driftnet? A figurative prison floating through the sea of life’s vast opportunities, awaiting release within the enclosures of doubt within your mind.

There presents a great irony in how those who have lived and done more than the rest of us, are most tormented by the brief instances in which they simply did nothing at all. For the sake of preventing the influence of primary biases, I have no intentions to conceal the risks responsible for deeming this concept vastly unorthodox, even blasphemous among average scholars. Although advancing through one’s life in this manner surely entails an expensive risk, it is accompanied by invaluable wisdom. When asking an elder upon the rearmost stages of their life of their utmost regrets, the most common responses were regarding the decisions in which they never acted upon. These actions which were never fabricated into existence do not simply vanish upon loss of opportunity, they discover vitality lingering as a ghost in your conscience, haunting an individual's memory and manifesting itself as repentance. By choosing a path that promotes a greater chance of whole hearted decisions, This ensures a more accomplished livelihood.  Regrets are decreased significantly as one who exhibits fundamental control over the changes in their lives is more likely to sustain authority over their own fulfillment.  As originally theorized by psychologist  Julian B. Rotter, an internal locus of control is strongly linked to an increase in an individual's quality of life. From a brief  analysis of Rotter’s data one can begin to create an implication that undergoing a lifestyle with little regret is in fact ideal and something we should all strive for. Without risks the pursuit and purpose of finding the meaning of life itself is invalidated and essentially eradicated by those who submit to conformity. This introduced the idea that perhaps the risk is greater when choosing the safest proposal.

To conclude the distressful allegory that was discovering my career path, my goal in the next 5 years is to be nothing short of utter and unapologetic happiness. I intend to work part time for the duration of my senior year in hopes of shortly moving out following my graduation along with bidding farewell to my financial dependency along with becoming the primary guardian of my younger sister while my parents deservingly enjoy their retirement residing in the Philippines. I plan on sharing a living space with close friends in order to efficiently meet the demands of rent as a working student. I intend on beginning my collegiate experience of 2 years of community college at De Anza, with intentions of transferring to Southern California for the remaining years and graduating from a university. As much as I would have coveted for a more conventional response to this prompt, this is one that renders most true to the heart. I learned that in order to genuinely find yourself, you first have to completely lose yourself. Caution is to be expected when being exceptionally vulnerable and raw, however, the utility of adversities to your advantage results in a refining effect rather than a detrimental one. After the smoke cleared it became apparent that the debris left amidst the rubble were far more valuable than anything the storm could have initially destroyed.  Whichever direction in life this may encompass remains another glorious uncertainty that the universe grants us the good fortune of witnessing unfold. Before I found myself spiraling involuntarily, plunging directionless and simply anticipating the impact. In my newly found perception, I am choosing to free fall, releasing my inhibitions, embracing the possibilities, and in that choice- lies all the difference.

Prompt: Where do you wish to see yourself in 5 years? 

[jazzthewriter]

Personal Essay -With Disillusion Deep in My Eyes (2013)

They say into your early life romance came And in this heart of yours burned a flame A flame that flickered one day and died away 

I have this image of who I want to be that plays in my head.  She is a sophisticated lady that looks like a cross between Gabrielle Union and Queen Latifah and owns in a good number of Olivia Pope’s outfits.  She exudes a cool confidence, owns a loft in the heart of downtown and can drink shots of 151 while still being classy. She’s driven, smart, and professional. Warm and loving but never suffers fools gladly.  When I am feeling at my lowest, it’s usually because I fear that I am straying too far from the track she must be on.

In the fall of 2008 I started my junior year of college.  Because of how close this meant that I was to reaching my professional goals, it was also when I began to imagine Sophisticated Lady in hyper detail.

At the risk of getting too personal with you all, let’s just say I’m a generally speaking a “special occasion” kind of shaver.  Which is to say I wear pants a lot. But I just knew that Sophisticated Lady was not like me.  She was perfect at all times.  And unlike dieting and exercising, practices that would wax and wane with my motivation, Nair Hair Removal lets you get rid of hair without much effort.  So my Nair obsession started.  If I wasn’t going to be skinnier or healthier, I was certainly going to be smoother.

I could also be smarter, academically speaking. I didn’t fail unless I wanted to. Sophisticated Lady and I had that much in common. I took it to heart when my mom told me as a kid that I could do anything if I put my mind to it.  It became instinctual for me.  I would come across some obstacle in life, weigh my options and decide whether my effort was worth the reward.  When it was, I never failed.

I don’t want to delude you, dear reader, into thinking I was some sort of straight-A student.  I wasn’t.  But I did some relatively impressive things at my time in the Shaker Heights School system (like earn a scholarship to visit Japan for a month and win second place in both the Science Olympiad and a regional math competition).  And I don’t want to come across unaware of how much of blessing this belief in my mental skills is. I get that this isn’t something that people just have naturally. All the more reason to use this gift every chance I got.

So when I heard in 2008 that do something called Cross Registration, which is where one can take a class for free at another university if they were full time at Cleveland State, my financially strapped self seized the opportunity.

Then, with disillusion deep in your eyes You learned that fools in love soon grow wise The years have changed you, somehow I see you now

A little background first: in sixth grade I fell in love with the country of Japan. Yes, admittedly this was in large part due to the massive amount of anime premiering on Cartoon Network. But it was also the first time I remember thinking “But what was the rest of the world doing?” when we had to study European and American history yet again in class. From then on, I followed a path of total immersion into Japanese culture which I had thought had to stop when I learned CSU didn’t offer Japanese 201.  Learning about Cross Registration not only gave me the chance to take said class but I could take it for free.

The only issue?  It was at Case Western Reserve University.

It wasn’t the prestige of the school but rather the students that I attributed this newly formed knot in my stomach to. Sophisticated Lady would have been just fine around them but I wasn’t her yet. I was a poor, insecure nerdy black girl before Aisha Tyler and Donald Glover were popular.  Case Western is made primarily of well-off white nerdy guys (or at least that was my perception at the time).  I had classes with these same guys in elementary school when I was at Orange  (before I moved to Shaker Heights) and while one would think that nerdiness could cross all barriers, the other adjectives I used kept me from feeling included. I was always on the outside around them. The black speck of pepper in a sea of salt.  The only one missing a Y chromosome*. The kid from across the tracks. Pick your metaphor but interactions with these eventual Case Western students were all inherently awkward for young Jasmine.  

Awkwardness leads to nervousness.

Nervousness into fear.

Fear into intimidation.

But not this time, I thought.  Ass was going to be kicked; names were going to be taken.  Nothing as small as intimidation was going to stop me from learning a second.  I mean, Sophisticated Lady knew at least four languages.

So I walked in to Case a year and two chapters behind the rest of the class because apparently the Case professor, unlike my CSU professor, managed to finish teaching “Genki 1”. I don’t remember how the first class at Case went but I do remember the professor approaching me with motherly concern afterward as she asked if I was going to able to handle this class.  Every part of me except my mouth said no.  I was way too far behind and I still had to handle my full course load at CSU.  But if I put my mind to it I could do it.  That model had never failed me; just like how Sophisticated Lady never failed at anything she touched.

So I worked hard.  I watched all the movies I had in Japanese with no subtitles. I got tutored by the professor on Fridays.  I forwent anything I ever had that looked like a social life.  

I was Japan.

You know, when I wasn’t editing films on the professional editing software Avid Xpress Pro, learning film theory, tutoring a Saudi Arabian woman, taking pictures for the Vindicator, working part-time, working out, running a student organization or doing time consuming things like breathing and eating. I had given up on sleeping for the most part.

Looking at what I just typed I should have known that was a lot on my plate.  I also should have known that it was not just the melanin deficient rich male students, but really the thought of taking this all on that tied that knot in my stomach. But I knew if I just worked hard enough I could still do it all.  Still be all for everyone. 

Sophisticated Lady is.

I am guessing that by this point you can tell that this plan didn’t work.

I failed the class.  I did all the work and extra credit I could but my papers always came back dripping with red ink. Near the end of the semester the professor showed me some sympathy and I got a delay on taking the final. I can only assume she did this because my eyes sat in shallow graves, my hands were covered in a stress induced rash, and I forgot what sleeping was like.  Because of this delay, I was able to finish my CSU finals with high enough scores to stay in good standing.

But I never went back to Case to finish my last final.

I couldn’t.  I remember looking at my Genki 2 book as I was preparing to walk out the door and head to Case.  I remember thinking I could study a little more on the bus before I had to take the final. I remember trying to conjure up every little Kanji I had studied in the past four months. And then I remember something in me just breaking.

I could no longer see the Sophisticated Lady.

I failed. I put in all kinds of work, I had done everything right and I still failed.

I started this essay the day I walked away from Case and I finish today almost five years later.  During that time, I’ve headed down a slightly different path.  I always was going to make movies and television shows, but the six grade nerd in me now knows it won’t be in Japan.  At least not without a translator.

This was an incredibly hard pill to swallow and even after all this time, it’s still stuck in my throat.  My shear will, my drive, my dedicated focus that is so much a part of my being that it oozes from my pores and speaks before I do, wasn’t enough.  It was met with something greater.  And today I can only guess that this helpless feeling is what one is left with after God closes a door on you, though I still couldn’t begin to tell you why He would close said door.

Here’s what I can tell you: in my attempt to not be myself and instead be this amalgamation of a perfect woman I had created, I suffered from tension headaches, I grinned my teeth and I started having my first bout of thoroughly frightening anxiety dreams .

I also left some Nair on my legs too long one morning during that semester and permanently scarred my legs.

Large pale blotches run down the front of my leg now. They have only just now begun to fade after five years. I am sure they will never go back to the correct shade of brown.  The self-hatred I felt back then has manifested in a way that forces me to remember to love myself fully today.  I have to remember that this version of Jasmine, the one that isn’t always health conscious, doesn’t own a loft and has several discolored patches on her occasionally shaven legs, deserves all the love I poured into Sophisticated Lady.  I also have to trust that while Sophisticated Lady doesn’t fail, Jasmine does because that’s what actual human beings do.

Is that all you really want? No, sophisticated lady, I know, you miss the love you lost long ago And when nobody is nigh you cry 

Footnote

*I wrote this in 2013 before I knew much about trans exclusionary language. I’m not sure yet how to creatively rewrite that sentence to be inclusive but I’m working on it and am open to suggestions. 

[sixhei-blog]

Why Most Relationships Fail

All you could have been taught to believe in relation to life has been a complete are located. Everyone here has been inflated for profits made by often the elite. They care almost nothing about you, your family, your friends, your well being, your life. This extends to your personal beliefs about the world, like, food, drugs, and interactions, just to name a few. There are several ways you have been fed flawed information but for today my very own focus is on interactions - http://whatmenlike.org/7-signs-youre-dating-man-not-boy.html.

Every thought or strategy about relationships, fairy myths romances, how we look, how you dress, and movies and guides written are completely flawed. We have been brainwashed with contributes, magazines, and subliminal emails from movies and television system. All of this to keep your life with fear and line all their pockets with money. We are taught to believe that one morning we will find our prince/princess charming and live fortunately ever after. So many individual people are searching for the "one" only to be let down repeatedly. There are tons of dating sites guaranteeing you that you will find your perfect diamond necklace. Others believe the more an individual pay, the better chance you may have. Wrong! Some of you concern love because you relate adore with pain. Love is certainly not pain. The breakup could be painful but love is just not. In truth, breakups are only agonizing because you were not taught reasons why relationships end. If you understood the laws of the galaxy, you would understand life to see everything that you thought has been negative was and always will be positive. There are 50 general laws that I suggest happened only learn but adhere to. These laws have always been inside affect. These are the ONLY laws and regulations to live by. They rule your life. The Law of Interest states, you attract actually. If you love yourself 100% unconditionally, then you can only attract somebody who loves you as much as you adore yourself. Everyone is you. We could not separate but one particular. Remember when you felt entirely in love? Take that will same feeling, that identical energy and direct the item inwards towards yourself. The one person you truly are searhing for is yourself. Love connected with self is mandatory. Some of the ways you attract anything as well as anyone for that matter. The law connected with Resistence states that which you refuse you draw to you. I'm only energy who vibrate at different levels. Cardiovascular disease you focus on what you have a tendency want, you create and the second; you draw it to your account. When you focus on what you have a tendency want, you put energy for it, therefore , bringing it to your account. For instance, if you think that all men/woman are cheaters, then you get cheaters into your life. Whatever you trust, you create to encourage yourself that you are correct. In the event you believe there are no readily available men/women, then that is what is important to see. Are you following my family? This extends to everything before, not just relationships. There is also what the law states of Unconditional Love. Above all you must love yourself unconditionally first!. In order for any partnership to survive, you must also get into your relationships with utter, absolute, wholehearted love. It's about two different people who are their own person who go with each other. It's not about handle (http://whatmenlike.org/7-reasons-shouldnt-chase.html), demands, and expectations. You happen to be already complete so really should not be looking for someone to complete an individual, or make you happy. Children can't do that for you. Whatever you set your attention on you generate. What you worry and concern about with relationships, an individual draw that to you. Everybody is you. You attract to you personally what you feel and believe. As opposed to putting your focus outside yourself, the person who you are genuinely searching for is you. You have been the love you are searching for. Everything commences with you. Another law will be the Law of Manifestation which usually creates what you believe. You can find only three steps in realizing anything you desire, including a romance. The first step is your desire to have a new relationship. The second step is a universe automatically goes out bringing that to you. You confidence and believe it will come about. You tell yourself that you are a great manifester and you constantly get whatever you want. You happen to be very positive about it. Then you certainly let it go, not to think about it any more because you know and rely on it will come. The third phase is allowing it to come. Many of you stop the allowing method because you bring in resistance because of your words and thoughts. An individual tell yourself, "I never ever get what I want". Or perhaps, "I will never have this specific relationship". "Nothing good ever before happens for me". Simply by saying any of those words and phrases, you stop your symptoms. When a negative thought makes its way into your mind, change your focus. Tune in to music, take a walk, or rest. Then say to yourself, "I am a great manifester. I will always manifest whatever I need. I always get whatever I need. " It is that simple. Bear in mind, "where you attention should go, the energy flows". You then allow desire go because you rely on it will happen. The more you will be specific of what you want to draw, the more the universe can produce this for you. When I has been 21, going through a divorce, any voice told me to write down the particular traits I wanted in a partnership. Whatever I wanted at the time I had list. For example I would compose on my list for a individual that was fun, exciting, any man's man, communicative, and also affectionate. That person would come in my life exactly how I authored him. I was young and definitely not that experienced so I realized what I thought I preferred I didn't, and will keep changing my collection. Each time I wrote a whole new list or deleted objects and added other attributes. That exact person will enter my life. This transpired for years until I engaged to be married. I always thought I engaged to be married the right man for me, nevertheless I kept attracting not secure men. I have been married triple to completely different men on the lateral side. Meaning different races, several upbringings, and different ages. These folks were all insecure. At that time My partner and i didn't realize it was My partner and i who was insecure. I enticed my feelings about by myself in others. After my very own last divorce in '08, I decided it was time for my family to find myself. I have nevertheless been in any long term romance as I was not ready. Rankings think I was healed connected with my past only to frequently attract unavailable men. Adult males who were married, men who all lived out of town, or adult males who worked all the time. This has been telling me that I hasn't been available. Are you following myself? In the beginning of this article, I described that we have been living several lies creating the opposite regarding what we want. This is one way we have been manipulated off of the general laws. I have always adored watching romantic comedies. To my way of thinking I figured that was undamaging but I was mistaken. Just about all romantic movies and works of fiction have the same scenario. Boy fulfills girl, they have problems, they will break apart, then like magic come together and live enjoyably ever after; a story book. So many of us, including our old self, spend a great deal time searching for this story book romance. These movies generate resistance big time. The other night I notice how automatically my mind gone into resistance mode. The thoughts were, "oh that could never happen for me. inch I also started looking back again at my past loves after which noticed it never offers! It was then that I made the text of how these movies I believed were harmless, were certainly not; A ploy to keep us through our truths. We have been hard-wired into disbeliefs that have more intense our fears and maintained us from our ambitions. I stopped that assumed and changed my target. Otherwise I would be back throughout resistance mode from getting the relationship I am manifesting. For that matter, we are amazing creators who is able to create abundance, love, enjoyment, and our own paradise. You need to know what we can do and see about the truths of lifestyle. Follow this process, which is and so simple just by changing your views. It takes practice because not necessarily what you are used to. Do not badger yourself if you make a oversight. The more time you spend on on your own practicing, being positive along with loving every part of on your own, it becomes automatic. Become the manifester you truly are along with manifest yourself your own connection. When the time is right so you are in vibrational alignment using your desire, you will have what you are actually searching for. By releasing dread, you raise your intervalle which in turn keeps you throughout vibrational alignment with acquiring everything you desire. Are you ready to get love? Start first with yourself. You have to be healed to attract the healed person. Everything comes from self. Release any remorse from your past. Release ideas that there was or is actually something wrong with you. You are an attractive person who has their own carefully selected presents to offer this world. Release your own past, period! Live just in the present moment. When you be worried about your future or your outcomes a person stop your desires. A person create your future by what you think today. Always be in touch with how you feel. Use your feelings as your manual. Your own feelings are a vibrational lens to see where you are in. Your true self is actually love. When you become psychological, angry, guilty, etc . about to catch in alignment with your correct self. When you are not in-line with your true self, experts resistance. Use only your feelings regarding each person you meet. Once you see a red flag, leave. Your own heart always has your solutions and knows whats effectively for you. Leave your friends out of this because they have their own perceptions. Absolutely no two people see the same thing. Omit your past and reasoning and only follow your feelings.