#NONODY CAN MAKE ME

[salttoons]

Heh you don't see them together I think that's unfortunate

AHHHH AHAHAHHHH HHH HAIIJMMM SCREAMAINGG PLEEASEE SIGCLAIR AAAA AA A AAAAAAAAAAAA IM SOBBING MY EEYS OUT HERE I NEED TO CRUSH THEMM MY FREAKING MIPYS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEYRE MY ENTIRE WORLD PELEEASSEE THANK YOU THANK YOU SM IM CHERISHING THIS IM GIVINH THEMCLITTLE KISSES I LOVE THEM ok time to lock in.

[kigu]

I have more examples.... just gotta find them. BUT I do need to start practicing either looming or braiding or kandi. Something

[depressedzelda]

I have to fucking do something i cant just sit around but idfk who or where to go to, apparently there were protests in toronto this weekend already, but i have no way of getting there and i know nonody would take me and i have all this stupid bullshit going on that basically just traps me from being perpetually unable to make plans as it is can i JUST meet some socialists in my fckin area already

[zafiro-anyejo]

.

[thestarsanctuary]

kakegurui x reader who is very clingy (platonic but all the girls are like kinda into her) and she’s always either following Yumeko around or fiddling with one of Midari’s guns. The one shot can be when the reader geta called out for it and feels like she’s being too clingy so she tries to distance herself and all three kinda have to come together to figure out why reader is so sad? maybe an ending with protecc from the girls? Sorry for the long request!!

Once again- jesus this took forever so let me give you something good (I will try my best as per usual) and hope ya enjoy at least a little! My apologies again!

KAKEGURUI X F! READER (PLATONIC-ISH)

It was almost like a stop in your life. A pause. You had never noticed you had done it everyday, were you too much? Why did nonody tell you? And more importantly....how do you stop what you don’t notice yourself doing?

You had way too many questions because some random girl had walked up to you, randomly, and out of nowhere says,

“Hey you hang around those girls a lot huh? Don’t you think you’re a little too much? I mean I’ve never actually seen you without them. Ever.” She said, and it wasn’t even menacing, which means she truly meant it. That was even worse!

And when you think about it...she was oh so right.

Everyday, you went to school with Mary who would walk you with a scowl but let you hold her hand and talk her ear off all the way there. She would always say she wasn’t listening but would bring up something you said all the time surprising you. Then Midari would be waiting for you and hand you her arm and say “Let’s go gorgeous” with this sinister grin, and you’d play with her gun on the way to your first class, and then Yumeko would come and sit on your lap in class and let you hug her and the teacher never said anything because Kirari....oh god, you were so clingy.

And just like that your mood had dropped significantly, and nobody knew why but just tried to push it off.

“Maybe she’s having a bad day.”

“Got a bad grade on her exam!”

“Ah she didn’t have a good enough lunch?”

Any excuse they could come up with they used whichever came to mind first because they didn’t want to think you were truly upset.

And they didn’t want to have to come for whoever had made their darling so upset in the first place.

Until the next day came. Mary knocked on your door and you opened it with a forced smile that Mary chose to ignore, and she held out her hand with an annoyed look on her face as per usual but this time to you it felt so real.

I guess I am way too clingy.

That was the conclusion that you had came up with in your mind as you decided to ignore her hand and instead go for a more cheerful appearance to distract from your oh-so-obvious swatting of her hand.

She still walked with you but the look on her face was different. It was more narrow and almost looked like she was judging you or something, and you wondered if you had ever seen this look before in the back of your head.

When you go to the school Midari was as per usual waiting for you gun in hand, but you politely declined the offer of holding her gun as she wrapped her arm around yours. You wuickly took it off.

“Huh? What’s up with you gorgeous? Mary say something rude again? I truly don’t understand why you don’t let me take you-

“No! No I’m uh, I’m fine! I was just having...cramps! In my fingers...yeah...they are absolutely terrible!” You said quickly with a smile. Midari grinned and rubbed your head with her gun.

“Alrighty then sweetheart, did you not want to go to class then? I can let Kirari tell your teach you won’t be there ya know” she grinned at you, with her usual amount of playfulness seeping through. You waved your hand and walked into your classroom without saying goodbye. How odd.

Midari called Yumeko outside, you thought she was probably weeping for Yumeko’s attention again and didn’t think anything of it. But oh boy were you wrong. As Yumeko sat on your lap, you took notes vigorously and tried to shift and move her off, and she must’ve gotten the hint because she did. Yumeko whispered in your ear,

“I thought your hands were cramping?” She said, and you almost jumped because you realized how badly you had screwed up.

“O-oh yeah! But I need to take notes for this class Koko, you know that.” You brushed it off and she nodded her head innocently before going back to not paying attention. Or so you thought, but she obviously saw that you lied to her. Who could get past her?

After class you and Yumeko were called to the President’s room. You walked in and saw Kirari, Midari, Yumemi, Mary, Sayaka, Yuriko, everybody. It honestly overwhelmed you because you had wanted to touch them so bad. It was how you showed love but now you were basically forcing yourself to look at the ground.

“Now now, come over here y/n, we have to talk to you.” Kirari said and you knew, you had been figured out. There was a new seat for you and Kirari to sit in so you sat by her side trying not to touch her, however her scent and basically everything about her made it difficult. Especially with her putting her arm around you and trying to make you hug her. So in the end, you basically gave up. Who were you to resist?

“Is there a reason the girls are saying you’ve been lying and avoiding them all day or do we jut have to make a public announcement to find out who’s been talking to you?” She said softly. So softly you honestly almost cried. You had basically avoided all contact with the girls and given them no explanation, you felt terrible.

“I’m sorry!! It’s just- I realized how clingy I’ve been with you all and I never even asked if you were okay with it. I’m like some leech and I’m always hanging onto you guys and it feels like I’m not doing anything but being annoying anymore.” You ranted, not trying to look any of them in the eyes but you could see their eyes soften just a little when you finally did look up with glossy eyes.

“Ok. Listen. If any of us didn’t like it we would tell you and the freaking president herself wouldn’t even let you in here- let alone get a WHOLE NEW CHAIR for you to be able to hug her on. We all enjoy it and understand that it’s how you show that you like and care for us. Friends just know moron. Who told you this because I don’t believe you came up with this ridiculous theory of sorts on your own.” Mary announced as she stood up from her seat, tired of staying quiet.

���...well...I don’t know who but, I understand. That didn’t make sense anyways huh?” You giggled and hugged Kirari, instantly brightening the mood as she wrapped her arm around your waist.

“Well we’ll need to find out who immediately, we can’t exactly let whoever it was think they know better than us can we?” Yumeko said with a smile, as the other girls nodded.

Yeah, this was how it will always be.

EL FIN.

brooo that endings trassshhh. Anyways my fingers hurt so bad because I’ve been writing (not just this) for like an hour no break my fingers are buring, anyways sorry for the TERRIBLE wait so so sorry but I hope you enjoy!

-SS

[azlovesem]

Why not do thos right. Bieve whatevef you want it doesnt matter. Lets do it right. Or everything just erased ill put back even eorse. Yeah smericans are fucking STUPID yiu just figured that out. Tgey got beat up bad im lsughing in their face. No one defeatts the face of God i slways defeat everyone. Theres no gighting ne. Those ding bat american blonde broads are dumb as yhe day is long. And their borfriends are even easier yo best up yhan they are. Ha ha ga ehet a jokd in. Fight thaf cojntry is now. Ahh theure yellie cowards. Look at them how they fifgt. I said yourecYELLOE brllued viwards anericsn. Theyre do scared snd jumpy and unintelligent. Ots the education dystem it didnt teach them to reas c properly. Them you put a dip shit like that stephen col burt on air. That guy is not funng jes just sn asshole big yime. You lsugh st him ill nsje you lsugh yhaf guy is a cue card reader. Byt snyway you get done half witted chump like him he seems snart tomyour average fuck ass american. Evsts up stevie ill calm yiu hiws fmdavey boi doin. Slivd fir now he is same with yiu. You keep talkn like that about Trump he ll kill you col burr. I nean have you killed. Yiu eife snyone. Fuck democrats youre sonfyckn wewk and stupid and youre lising hhe elecyoon. Then the fun begins you better move to scandanavia bitch. See Emmba how i talk yo yhese turds theyre nobidy tv fuxknoffs. Thsts not you or me we dont act like thet. Because itx stupid. Youre hakf french i can tell. You your dkin snd fsce and accent a but. Sensibiliyies the English have slways lacked. Not the most well liked people. But who cares i dont minc rm as much as stupid jerk off amerucans. All show no brains. Emmba i slready sacked smerica begire i dtarted this. We gd had alenough of people minorities and governmrbts. Het Seth Hebe boi Ragsn i got ine for yiu Seth jrw boi Rogan. Chosen whod wanna be chosen to be the most hates people of earth abd youre a fycon minority for s goid reseon. Ww2. Ha ga ha fuckn dont talk shit im the Kngnof it bitch.. Ill talk it back and youll be cryn the Anne Frank. But i cant be sayn nothin bad about her. Shecwas acwonderful writer. And she didnt get what she desrved in life id hug her. You Ragsn maybe id just deck your punk ass. Yeah youre a bitc h ill beet yhe fuvk out of your bgebe ass. Uou lisers aint rver been fihters like ne. Or as snart or tiud gsve sll the land dumby. I si t joking ho fuck yiurself togan yoj sint canadisn yiu a hollywood hebe fuck you. Minority gir a rwason. Ha ha ga ahhh ha i kill je im tge inly kne eho can. Im white goof that wasnt me though. You rat bags call peopld nazis easy its worse to be cslkes a jew these days amost. I asked around sethie boi nonody likes you leople at all. Thats a fuckn serious ptoblrm yiu coukd rnd ip againnwhere we were. Ya are h you sint dhut i kherp telling you thet. Ws conttol sll yhe money i whip that fuvker in the EU . I threaten smd whip him. Irs right you guys its not right but rveryone gets ehat thry deserve seth so will yiu. What did yas fo to make evetyone want you Ddas?? Im hust asking i sint got no oarticular proplrm eith jews. I generally hand you uour asses if ws talk i know that much. There aint many of yoy by Gods eill i guess. My Gods will. Whixh is the same Gid. Fugure that one CB ouf jew boi geniuses. Nah ivd bern wround never met ind ifbya who is rvrn hslf as dnart as je. Thst whiny snmoying talk yo doesnt endear people to your race. Wanna fuvk srlund seth ill stuff your oennhead up your ass. I fdriened vanvouver recentky. You know egar fuvk bf people ehat a nbunch of gyckn twats. Hi bc!! Youre fyvkn retarded.

[the-most-inglorious-black-hat]

(Maybe 🤡 💝 and 👪 with Black Hat and the kids?)

What The Hat Kids Are Embarrassed About:

Malvado Is A Character Who Hardly Feels Humiliation When It Comes To Doing Dumb Things Because Malvado Is A Character Who Enjoys Doing Said Things (I Mean, He Took Over The Ask Blog And Knows That’s Stupid Considering Who His Father Is) But A Humiliating Moment? Well, Take It Away, Malvado!

“I Guess Its When I Met Wit’ One Of Those Stupid ‘Fandom-Verse’ Creepypasta’s And Lost A Bet To Some Kid Dressed In A Shitty Link Costume Wit’ Bleedin’ Eyes. Fuck, That Midget Is Annoyin’ And For Losin’ The Bet, I Had Tah Do Whatever The Hell He Wanted Me Tah Do For A Whole Ass Month, No Matter The Time. Can’t Believe I Lost Tah A Link Fanboy Wit’ Emo Fuckin’ Eyes Like Fuck That’s A Burn Tah My Ego AND IT WAS A VIDEO GAME I WAS GOOD AT. Fuckin’ Wannabe Link Drowned So :) Oh And It Was A Contract So Yeah Me Bein’ What I Am, I’m Bound To That Shit Bro And It Fuckin’ Came Bittin’ Me In The Arse. None Of The Fandom Creepypasta’s Are Worth Yer Time, Trust Me, Most Of’em Are Jus’ Pains.”

“Oh And When Dis Pain In My Bloody Arse Comes.”

Spite Is A Character With Grace And Humility But Also Takes Great Humiliation In How Different He Is From His Family.

“I Suppose That My Whole Being Can Be Viewed As An Embarrassment, Dollface, For How I Differ From A House Of Villains……I Am Saddened To Say That I Am Probably More Embarrassed About My Own Image As A Figure Then I Am About An Action I Have Done In My Past.”

Diablo Has No Regrets. He Isn’t Easy To Humiliate.

“Heh Humiliation Is A Gateway To Let People Influence You. I’m Not Stupid Enough To Let It Happen!”

“Well……When I……Spontaneously Transport To A Whole New Universe And Dimension……I……NO!”

Ignacio…Is Complicated.

“I Melted. It Was A Dummy……Thing……”

What They Appreciate! How To Get In Good With Them!

Malvado Appreciates Someone Whose Fun And Bold To Be Around, Someone Whose Willing To Take Risks And Gamble All Odds. He Also Enjoys Someone Who Can Take A Joke And Someone Who Can Tell A Good One Back, Along With People With Extremely Hardcore Natures To Pull Off His Sort Of Stunts And Pranks But You Also Have To Be Somewhat Evil And Enjoy The Thrill Of An Occasional Hunt For A Victim To Torment Malvado Style! Malvado Appreciates Demon Food As A Gift, Along With Dismembered Humans And Of Course, Anything He Can Have Fun With Like A Flame Sword.

“Jus’ Don’t Be A Borin’ Nonody, Ya Know? Like Wicked Ol’ Pops An’ At Times Flug!”

Spite. He Is A Very Passionate Individual And To Get Along With Him, You Can Not Be One Hundred Percent Ruthless Or Evil, Grotesque. Spite Enjoys Taking Care Of His Animals And Exchanging His Interests With One Another. He Likes Attending The Orchestra And Watching The Performers On Stage With Their Instruments! He Also Does Find Amusement In Theater! To Be Honest, You Need To Be Nice. He Gets Along Best With Humans And Largely Enjoys Fashion And Tetris. Spite Loves Flowers As Gifts And Poetry.

“Hun. It Doesn’t Take Much For Me To Be Fond Of You, As Long As You Are Respectful Towards My Wishes”

Diablo Is Like Black Hat. It Is Very Hard To Appeal To Him In A Manner Where He Becomes Fond Of You However A Good Start Is Making Business With Him, Yes A Young Child Whose Business Minded But He Is Also Chaotic As Much As He Is Business Minded (For Reasons). Diablo Doesn’t Like Being Called Just Like Black Hat, So, Don’t Do That, For He Feels As Though Being A Clone Is Almost Pre-determined His Destiny As Being Similar To His Father. He Likes Card Games.

“Hn. Let’s Just Get Down To Business!”

Now Ignacio…..He Likes Anyone At This Age That His Brothers Or Parents Like. So It Would Be Wise To Become Liked Now Before He Grows. Otherwise, Your Fate Is Not Good. Ignacio Likes Art, He Likes Playing Pretend Villain, He Likes Reading Newspapers On Villainy, Ignacio Is Playful, He Loves To Play! Oh And He Is Also Close To 5.0.5, So You’d Need To Be Nice To Him. He Doesn’t Like That His Father Is Cruel Towards The Bear But He Loves His Father And There’s Nothing He Can Do About This. Until Much Later.

“Ohhhh! We Can Have Tons Of Funnnn! Like Playing El Charro! Or Um! Playing With 5.0.5!”

How Their Relationship With Their Parents Are!

This Is A Matter They Don’t Want To Discuss, Ignacio Is The Only One Whose Willing HOWEVER If You Askers Get Close, This Question Will Become Available For Them To Answer!

“I Love Papa! Mama Is Cool But Papa Is Bestest!”

[wonderful-bellies]

Hey, I love your art! Any tips for an in-the-works kink artist, regarding A) Drawing stomachs and B) how to hide your art from prying people

Aaaa thank you! Um oh gosh idk if I'm really qualified to give this advice but let's see.. A) I try to draw the shape of the prey against the pred's abdomen first. Get an approximate shape of them curled up or in whatever position you like, doesn't have to be detailed if you don't wanna show the prey in the finished piece, then try drawing the stomach around them. I find it helps a lot to have the prey on a seperate layer so you can resize or move so they work better with gravity as needed. Otherwise, up to you if you want a more defined airtight tum you can see the prey through or a more rounded tum! Have fun with it, it's fiction, draw whatever make you a happy! B) Confession time I'm not the best with this tbh I live on the edge and used to doodle vore in the margins of my homework lol. Quick note on that, erasing alone will not be enough, scribble over it or do different art over it lol. Otherwise ummm digital art I'd say it's safe to make sure nobody else is in the room or at least nobody can see your screen from any other angle before starting. Be extra careful with that btw, I've thought I was safe before and my brother caught me drawing a biiig old tum ehehe. Best tips I can give is just make sure to check and double check that nonody else has a good view of the art outside of your own perspective. Use an arm to cover it a bit if you need to! Oh and try to keep a different sketchbook for vore stuff. Just in case you run into those kind of people that want to go through your sketchbook.

[azlovesem]

Dont forget to vote Jen. Vote for ypursepf. Make an extra box like i ddo with qestionaires and check the box next to your name. If trump gets elected. The supreme vourt is gonna have a vote to strip you of your oscars snd not just your clothes this time. But if uou put on a mage hat t short jacket tearaways and socks, youbcsn wear your own underwear well then theyre so vindictive theyll still come after you. Ha ha ha. So youre safer vote Harris. Or Kennedy. Wtf? I didnt even know thry drew staws to send in a Kennedy. Why? Oh well. Vote for whoever the hell you want. Im sint votn shit. Ehatchu nean i cant dtsnd in a line just do that. I love you youre so funny but i wouldnt stand in a line to get shit from you. I cant i hste lines. For snything it fiesnt matter if ite a line i vome back later or never. Iyf i saw uou id smile amd thats likely about it. Enough people boyher if yhey juet pass yiu. Yey more people eho can recognize someone please talk to me. Its obvious i have no ine to talk to nonody likes me im an idiot. Obviously why else would they give me two oscars.

[starrystarker]

cliché asian drama au, part 1

starker + that good fluff + light angst ;D

AU where Peter goes to live at the Starks' because Aunt May died in a tragic accident and the Starks were good family friends but lost contact with the Parker's because they moved somewhere else in the States. Peter flies out to Brooklyn and is met by Maria, who's kind and sweet and everything he misses in Aunt May, and Tony, who at first sight is handsome (so handsome) but turns out to be a sulky thinks-he's-the-shit teenager who just wants to grow up and move out. Peter doesn't care for Tony much. The feeling is mutual. Tony thinks Peter's gorgeous, but also a goody two shoes, a people pleaser, a spoiled brat, and he doesn't like Peter.

Maria had insisted that Tony be nice to Peter, and that he introduces the boy to all his friends. "Or you're grounded for the rest of the year." She had said sternly.

The rest of the year? Tony despises Peter even more. Perfect angelic Peter who has the whole household wrapped around his pinky finger alread.

The thing is, Tony's friends adore peter. The second day of school had barely started, and Tony drags an indignant Peter into the cafeteria and sits him down at the table with his friends. He opens his mouth to (reluctantly) introduce Peter to everyone, but before he's able to, Natasha goes, "Peter! How's your second day?" Tony gapes at her as Peter responds, "Good, before Anthony here manhandled me down the hallway." The entire table glares at Tony. He watches in silent amazement as Steve and Bucky lean over him to ask Peter a question about the Physics homework and as Thor compliments Peter's hair. "So fluffy he wants to pet it forever", apparently.

His life is flipped upside down from here on. He wants to ignore the way his stomach flips when Peter giggles at Bruce's stories. He wants to ignore how his heart beats faster when he sees Peter at home, dressed in nothing but an oversized t-shirt and boxer briefs.

To ignore all this, Tony is mean to Peter, not mean per se but moderately assholey. He'll throw snide comments and roll his eyes at the boy's jokes. He'll shove past him in the hallways and ignore him at home.

Everyone is confused as to why Tony's being like this. Everyone except Nat, who corners him at his locker one afternoon after a particularly eventful English class. "I know you like him but if you're trying to get him to like you back this is not how you do it!" She fumes. "He's crying in the bathroom? What are you, Gilbert?"

"Gil- what?" Tony says, momentarily confused, decidedly avoiding the topic of liking Peter.

"Gilbert! From Anne of- nevermind. Just stop it, alright? Stop." Nat stomps away in the direction of the bathrooms.

Peter detaches himself from Tony and starts dating Thor.

"Why Thor?" Tony moans to Nat one day.

"He's nice to Peter, at least." She remarks.

Tony wants to ignore how his heart clenches when Peter calls Thor "baby". Peter blushes when Thor calls him beautiful, and Tony thinks that beautiful isn't a good enough word.

His mood swings become a normal occurrence and it's not rare for Tony to storm out of a classroom during class when he sees Peter and Thor holding hands or whispering to each other. He'll hint that Thor just wants to get in Peter's pants.

One day Peter fucking snaps after Tony is particularly rude and disrespectful. He yells at Tony and tells him to shut the fuck up then bursts into tears and runs off.

Both Thor and Tony go to run after him but Nat pulls them back. "Both of you idiots stay here." and she goes instead.

Tony wants to ignore the guilt. He wants to ignore the look in Peter's eyes when he took the last straw.

Meanwhile Thor snaps as well and punches Tony in he nose, resulting in a fight™️.

Ppeter, eyes red and swollen, hands shaking, is there to break up the fight. "Fucking stop, both of you." He stays at Nat's that night instead of Tony's.

The next day, Peter and Thor can be found making out in the corridors and kissing at the lunch table. Rumour has it that one session got particularly heated and Thor fucked Peter against the wall of a bathroom stall.

Tony tries to talk to Peter, but he can be an ice queen if he wants to, and eventually Tony stops trying. He starts showing up to school looking like shit, looking like he hasn't slept in days; in weeks even, he doesn't want to talk to anybody unless necessary, and his activities consist of school and going home; his parents are worried.

Maria (being woke obviously) knows Tony's fucking in love with Peter. She talks to him about it and Tony is.. slightly less depressed.

He knows that he's in love with Peter, but he's with Thor so he'll just.. be friends (right ??)

Tony starts making an effort again, leaving handwritten apology notes in Peter's locker and under his door at home.

He put a sticky note saying "i'm sorry" on Peter's hairbrush one morning, and spies on the boy's reaction (he laughed when he saw it).

"I'm sorry, Peter," Tony said to him that morning. The smile he got back was the best thing that ever happened in his life.

"I know." Peter said, beaming.

And things go on as normal for a while, until one day Tony hears a rumour that Peter's dating some boy from the private school in the next district.

"I thought Peter and Thor were dating?" Tony asks Nat.

"Pfft no. They broke up while you were depressed, dumbass." She replies snarkily.

The rumour is just a rumour, and on Peter's 17th birthday, he stays home with Tony. He gets alcohol to drink at home with Peter. Tony mixes a pretty drink for him and Peter's admiring it like "wow it's so pretty" but Tony's just staring at Peter, so fucking in love. The boy can't handle his liquor, and starts falling over after that one drink while Tony's completely sober.

Peter, at one point, falls into Tony's lap and reaches his hand up to touch his face, slurring and giggling, "Why're you so pretty, Tony-tones?" and he keeps shifting around over Tony's crotch. He starts getting hard and is like "nope nope nope" and pushes Peter off of his lap. The boy is persistent and instead plops down on Tony's lap, wrapping his skinny arms around his neck.

Tony stares at drunk Peter, stares at the flushed cheeks and the bright, glossy eyes, and thinks, I never want to forget this.

Peter leans forward to kiss Tony, but he turns his face so Peter kisses his cheek, and when he looks back the boy is crying, little sniffles and muffled sobs.

"Peter, baby, wha- why are you crying?" Tony asks, blushing at the endearment that slips out. He's probably too drunk to remember anything anyway.

"You don't want me, Thor doesn't want me, nonody wants me! I hate myself!" Peter wails, letting his face fall into Tony's shoulder.

He musters up the courage, safe in knowing that Peter won't remember any of this in the morning. "No, I-" he clears his throat- "I- I love you, Peter."

The boy glances up, adoration in his eyes. "Y-you do?" He asks. "Yeah." Tony replies earnestly. He's a little tipsy but he's never felt this sober in his entire life. His world falls into place and it feels like all that he's done has accumulated to this moment in time, where an ethereal, breathtaking boy sits in front of him, vulnerble and trusting.

"I- I kinda like you too." Peter mutters before falling into Tony's shoulder again and promptly drifting asleep.

***

part 2 is coming !! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

wanna be tagged ?? tell me :0

[raptures-songbird]

im making my own funfetti cake for my bday n nonody can stop me

[wordteeth]

here’s a vent because nonody onows this exists

i’ve been trying really hard to maintain the person most people know me as. i try really, really hard to be sweet and bubbly and energetic and kind and easygoing no matter what. i always tell myself that you can enjoy any situation if you thoroughly make up your mind to do so, but it needs to be thoroughly. so i tell myself over and over again that this is okay, i’m fine, it’s fine, this can be okay.

i have lapses between this version of myself i try to push forward and the version of myself that i’m trying to suppress, though. sometimes, i try too hard for too long to keep up with that version that makes life easier and my resolve sort of snaps. only for a minute. but when it does, it’s like black and white. suddenly, i hate hearing people talk. i hate the smell of everything. i hate the sounds and general presence of people. i feel muself clenching my fists and biting my cheek or excessively clawing at my skin, and i excuse myself to go to the restroom. i cry for ten seconds, literally- and then i’m fine, i’m back.

but when i finally get home at night, neither of these things surface. it sort of feels like there’s luke warm water sloshing around in my head and i’m trying to see with mud in my eyes. my body feels stiff and cold and my stomach is growling but i try to eat and it tastes so so awful. i try to listen to music, and it sounds like noise. i try to watch tv, and it’s like nothing is registering in my brain. and i sit there with my eyes closed in bed and try to imagine something.

it’s always the same thing. a little cottage with one floor, full of old rugs and dusty sunlight slanting through the windows onto the creaky wood floors. there’s a wood stove and two black cats and a big dog. i’m always laying on a bed with a canopy, listening to birds. it always makes me feel okay.

but when i get ripped out of that, no matter how much time has passed, i come out feeling sleepy and content, and i can go back to presenting an ideal version of myself.

i want people to know me as that, because that’s what makes them happy, and it certainly makes my life easier. i dont want anyone i know to know that i go home and stare at the walls, that i try to starve myself to get some sense of control over my life, that i drink and smoke and cry over all these stupid little things that build up over time.

[alexandraparkss]

A rant with many tangents

The most frustrating thing is being at a constant battle with yourself and the people you live with. I have never seen so much hate and disrespect thrown around people who call themselves a “family”. Nothing is more toxic then living around it and being told that it “isn’t my business” when your name is thrown in, and you’re used as a lever of manipulation. Being called names by not only the horribly durranged family- but the one who is supposed to love you. I’ve been contemplating what action I can take to remove myself from the situation, but at the end of my thought train all I see is myself drowning in the chaos. People act like situations are so black and white when in reality they are not. There is consequence for actions and I cant risk taking the wrong one. My mental health is at stake here and I’m so scared of living a life that isn’t to my full extent of happiness. I deserve to put myself first and care about my mental health, and growth as a person, and whatever decisions I have to make to be the person I want to be I should just make them... right... I wish this was much more simple. As simple as people try to make it seem to me. I feel like my brain is so scattered, I dont have an ounce of myself together. I have nonody I even want to talk to about it. Not my friends, not my family, definitely not my boyfriend. I just want to be alone with myself. I imagine that wouldn’t be so bad for a little while. Maybe a could of months.... But never would that happen. Is it weird that I feel like I am being held prisoner to my own life, and my own habits and persona, friends etc.... I wish I could start totally fresh. I wish a lot of different things.... That could be another “rant with tangents” of its own..... this..... made me feel..... better. I’ve never just ranted so freely knowing nobody I know is on my page let alone going to read anything this long. 10/10 recommend. Stay tuned for another rant with tangents. *finger guns and backs away*

[speaklovefreekc]

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Tjisnis the thing, just because you don't know doesn't mean someone else isn't aware.... Aware of the things that life entails... Even simply looking at my page, most things are taken as if it's personal, although I place a personal outlook on most things, most things aren't personal... Sometimes I'm chiming in on something I've seen or heard and I'm address that, like now!🤷🏽.... Only time it's something I was planning is if I say I was thinking about this... .... Thing is you can lose your job, but your purpose and calling is forever.... in this industry people will try you to see what exactly they can get away with then they will ride you, your wave, or whatever then if they get tired of you, you could lose it all and they could fire you... You could work or associate with the wrong people and make nonody want to do any kind of business with you... .... How much will you come out of your character to get to the end of the rainbow that they are trying to sell you.... What will you wave odd if things don't go your way... Do you lose hope or do you carry on... Today they talked about relationship and E talks about how her knight in shining armour needed a break, but even in her sadness she kept it G and let him do his thing and it all worked out... Listen when someone needs space, give them space... either they find how how much you really mean to them OR you both find out that to continue on would be a waste... He came back and they are deep in and good friends... .... Bruh, dont get caught up in my post, because the best thing about ME is that I know I don't know much which is the mindset that allows ME to grow and remain humble... ... I agree without a kiss and showing certain things o probably would write it off too... But who knows you kinda just gotta let people live and just be there if they fall... No pressure and Trusting the process of it all... But nothing is guaranteed other than death we know for sure.... .... You have to remain focused, sometimes on being humble and teachable and open to more, bigger and then allow God to fill it... 😇 😉Enjoy Life, Live Speaking Freedom Daily... 🙏 Blessings and Peace 👑 Goddess Queen Supreme. Potential unlimited