#NOBODY KNOWS HOW....................HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME

[holdmytesseract]

One Night or Forever?

Daryl Dixon x fem!Reader

Summary: When one thing leads to another, you and Daryl spend a passionate night together at the CDC. Unfortunately, neither of you is interpreting the signals right afterwards...

Warnings: 18+! MDNI! smut (not entirely graphic, but it's definitely there - like, you know exactly what's going on), uhhh sub and dom Daryl? unprotected rough-ish sex? Daryl gets a bj (yes, you read that right), he's a bit mean, too - but also a cutie patootie, uhh slight angst? bit of drama, alcohol - drunk-ish Daryl and tipsy reader, fluff, swear words, bickering

Set in Season 1!

Word Count: 4,5k

a/n: You want it, you got it, friends. I don't know what this is, though - or which demons possessed me as I wrote it. I really don't. I also don't know how I should feel about it. Embarrassed? Proud? Send help, lol.

Anyways, I hope you like this! Please go easy on me. Smut isn't really my forte...

EoH Masterlist °☆• LITRM Masterlist °☆• Daryl Masterlist °☆• Masterlist

"Booyah!"

Daryl's toast had been the starting shot for an evening full of conversation, fun, laughter - and alcohol. Some would say reams of alcohol. Wine, booze, beer - you and the group stopped at nothing. That was probably the reason why everyone staggered somewhere on a scale between tipsy and shit faced drunk at the end of the evening.

You were currently on your way to your personal room - something you'd describe as a luxury. Sure, back at the quarry you had your own tent, but there was a huge difference between that and a whole goddamn room. With a own freaking shower! It was crazy. Who would've thought that something so plain and simple would become such a valued, precious thing? Most likely nobody, because it was something taken for granted.

Well... Not anymore. Not since the world went to shit.

After passing a very drunk Glenn on the way, you more or less stumbled into your room. Tipsy... You were definitely tipsy. Without a single care in the world, you started to shed your clothes the moment the door shut close behind you. All you wanted to do was sleep. You had too much alcohol coursing through your veins to search for something you could use as a pyjama. You hadn't a problem with sleeping naked. Not tonight.

Unfortunately had your plan a catch... One that you weren't aware of yet.

This wasn't your room.

You were just about to free your body of the last piece of fabric you were wearing - a pair of admittedly beautiful dark blue lace panties, when a sudden voice managed to almost send you into cardiac arrest.

"Wha' the fuck 'r ya doin' in my room?!"

You startled so bad, that you almost lost balance and fell flat on your ass. Your balance was a bit off-track anyways, due to the wine...

With wide eyes you turned around to face the intruder.

"Daryl?"

You blinked. "What are you doing here?" He scoffed; his cheeks puffed out and reddened. He had been drinking way more than you did, and it showed. The archer's hands were fumbling clumsily with the fly of his jeans. "Jus' been taken a damn piss, 'n 'm comin' back to find ya standin' in my room." You crossed your arms over your bare - an information which hadn't reached Daryl's brain yet - chest. "This is clearly my room, Dixon." He scoffed again. "'S not!" "Yes, it is!" "'S not!" The man took a few wobbly steps closer. "Go bullshit someone else, I-" He stopped abruptly in the middle of his sentence; eyes widening to the size of plates. Now the information had been received and processed.

"Yer almost naked," he stated; bluntly staring.

Oh, you suddenly realised and remembered as well. He was right.

In any other situation, you'd have frantically tried to cover yourself up and perhaps even threw an insult at the man standing across from you, but the alcohol lowered your boundary of shame and loosened you up; making you see things more relaxed.

You huffed out a breath. "Yeah, no shit, Sherlock." Daryl still blinked and tried very hard to not let his eyes drop, but that was an almost impossible task for the alcoholized man. "Why?" You shrugged your shoulders. "'Cause I wanted to go to sleep." The archer swallowed hard. "In my room? Naked? Ya lost yer damn mind, woman?" "It's my room," your tipsy self was still profoundly convinced, while you made your way over to the bed on slightly wobbly legs. Daryl just watched you; flabbergasted, speechless, shocked - and incredibly turned on. After all, he had a damn pretty woman in his room - no, bed. Half naked!

"You could join me, Dixon." He scoffed again and tried to walk in a straight line over to the armchair; accepting his fate. "In yer damn dreams. 'S ain't gonna help me - or my hard-on." You giggled at his words like a schoolgirl and rolled around in the sheets. "That the reason why you can't get that zipper up? You like me, Daryl? Like what you see?" You pestered him with questions; smirking, and watched his cheeks redden even more - if that was physically possible and your eyes didn't betray you. "Shuddup," Daryl just growled in response. You giggled again, before a long beat of silence passed between the both of you.

The alcohol didn't just lower your boundary of shame... It also caused you to become bolder. "I could help you with that, you know..." You tried to sound as flirty and seductive as possible and turned in the sheets once more, but now to face the man sitting across from the bed. You perched yourself onto your stomach and crossed your ankles in the air; swaying your legs.

Gods, you felt like a teenager again. Damn the alcohol and your crush on the archer. It was a dangerous combination, since you hadn't planned to actually act on said crush. Well, and here you were now in his - nu.uh, your - bed, almost naked and trying to seduce him.

Some might say this escalated quickly...

"Help me with wha'?" The archer finally responded after a long moment; dumbfounded. His usually very smart and witty brain slowed down by the alcohol. You thought for a hot minute that he had already fallen asleep on you. You rolled your eyes and groaned - acting like Daryl just said the stupidest thing in the world. "Your boner," you deadpanned - as if it was the most normal thing to say.

The archer swallowed hard; feeling his chest (and pants) tightening.

"Wha'?" He crooked out. The normally so talkative, glibly redneck seemingly rendered speechless by your boldness.

Once again, you rolled your eyes. "Do you reaaaaally want me to spell it out for you, D?" Daryl clearly needed a moment to recover, but once he did, he scoffed.

"Pf, yer bluffin'."

"I'm not."

"Yeah, ya 'r."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, ya 'r. Can tell. Yer way to innocent fer shit like tha', sunshine."

"Are you challenging me, Dixon?"

"Nah, jus' statin' facts."

Now you were the one who scoffed. He really asked for it, didn't he? You smirked and hid your face in the blanket beneath you. Oh, you were so going to prove him wrong.

You rolled your barely covered body around a third time, but this time to get up from the bed - which was a much more difficult task than expected, but you made it in the end - even though not gracefully and certainly not seductively. "Facts, huh?" You asked the crossbow-wielding archer then with a raised eyebrow and your hands on your hips. He crossed his arms over his plaid beige-brown shirt clad chest; bare forearms and biceps bulging with the movement. "Yes, facts." Although he stared into your eyes with his blue coloured irises, he still had a hard time for them to actually stay on your face.

"Well, you can go screw your opinions - or me. Your choice, pretty boy," you stated and shrugged your shoulders as you bridged the short distance between the bed and the armchair. Before the younger Dixon could even do as much as open his mouth for a snarky respond, you had dropped to your knees in front of him - between his manspread legs.

Daryl's eyes widened and his jaw slacked. "Wha' 'r ya doin'?!" He literally screeched and gripped the armrests of the armchair. "Proofing you wrong, pretty boy." You smiled up at him like a Cheshire cat; hands and fingers clumsily trying to open his jeans. "F-Fuckin' hell, wha'?! Yer insane, woman!" The archer cursed above you, but also didn't make any moves to stop you. So, you took that as a sign to continue. And continuing you did...

It took you a hot minute to get your eye-hand coordination straight and overcome the obstacles which were his jeans and boxers, but once you did, there was no holding back. "Ya really gonna do th- F-Fuck..."

You did.

"Told you, Dixon," you stated with a mischievous glimmer in your eyes; hands firmly cupping him. Daryl answered nothing. The archer had a hard time to control his breathing and rapidly beating heart. He was still gripping the armrests like a vice - his knuckles already turning white. He really couldn't believe this was happening right now. Was he asleep and dreaming? Was he hallucinating? Did the wine manage to fog up his brain so much that his eyes were deceiving him? But when he felt your lips wrap around him, he instantly threw all those thoughts overboard again. This was real. It had to be real. After all, he was feeling it, right?

"F-Fuckin' hell," he cursed again; feeling waves of pleasure crash over him. One of his hands loosened its grip on the armrest and went in your hair instead - tying your loose hair into a makeshift ponytail. You were already too far gone to care; the taste of him addictive.

Working your magic, you tried to grant the man above you as much pleasure as possible - and it seemed to work. Within a few minutes, Daryl was a whimpering mess - a side you'd never thought you were ever going to see of him. Not in your wildest dreams.

"Ain't... Ain't g-gonna last," the archer panted breathlessly; the hand in your hair twitching. You didn't want him to. You wanted him to fall apart. A gentle squeeze of your hand was all it took. "Y-Y/N, damnit, 'm gon'- Gonna cu-" His sentence got interrupted by a low moan that paved its way to the forefront of his lips. The hand in your hair twitched again as he attempted to pull you off him. You didn't let him, though, and easily dodged his lousy attempt. Instead, you helped him ride the wave. His thighs twitched; muscles tensing as his high crashed into him. Daryl felt like he had been hit by an eighteen-wheeler - but in the best way possible. It had been so long...

The gentle grip he had of your hair slackened; hand falling limply to his side. You lifted your head to look at him to witness his blissed-out state. Daryl's eyes were closed, and his breathing laboured. You smiled; hands gently caressing his clothed thighs. "You believe me now, D?" He gave you a mere nod. Clearly he needed another few moments to get his head straight again. Your smile never ceased as you kept up your fingers movements. Your knees protested by now, but you didn't care.

Another few moments passed, before the archer peeled his eyes open again. Seeing you still on your knees for him managed to send another shockwave of arousal throughout his entire body.

Wide-blown eyes stared at you intensely; the gears turning in his fogged up head.

"T-Thanks, I guess," he whispered then. His voice was still hoarse. You smiled up at him. "You're welcome, pretty boy. Said I'm gonna help you." Daryl nodded almost shyly and clumsily stuffed himself back inside his boxers. You eyed him thoroughly and started to giggle. "Didn't think you'd loose it so fast. Wouldn't have pecked you to be a... premature guy." Not that it mattered to you, but you couldn't help yourself but to tease him a bit. It was meant to be a playful comment, but you seemed to hit a sore spot...

You could practically see how his eyes darkened, before he narrowed them. "Whatcha say, huh?" He asked in a gruff voice and stood up; towering over you. You blinked - were a bit taken aback by the sudden shift in his demeanour. "I-I, uh... Said I didn't think you'd be one t-to, uh, come too early..." The archer growled under his breath. "Ya better watch yer mouth, sunshine," he said in a threatening tone and grabbed your arms to pull you up on your feet. Daryl quickly noticed, though, that his legs were even more wobbly now that they've already been before; forcing him to take cautious steps. "What are we doing, pretty boy? You gonna make me pay for saying that?" You gave another sassy remark; provoking him and tickling his nerve ends even further. A grunt passed his chapped lips as he dragged you with him. Once close to the bed, he wrapped his arms firmly around your bare midsection and literally threw you onto the bed - wobbly legs be damned. You giggled at his eagerness and slid upwards to rest your head on one of the pillows; giving the man a confident look. "C'mon then, pretty boy, show me what you got. I know you want to." He scoffed and crawled on the bed. "Pretty boy my ass." You just giggled again. You felt intoxicated by the wine you had consumed and definitely aroused - which got only worse when you felt calloused, deft hands gripping your delicate skin. Daryl parted your legs and settled on his knees between them. His eyes were directed on your face. He looked like a predator - ready to attack his prey. It was incredibly hot.

"'M gonna shut tha' sassy mouth 'a yers, just ya wait," he growled in a deep voice, and wrapped his arms and hands around your thighs like a snake - holding them firmly and simultaneously keeping you splayed open for him, before he literally yanked you down; bringing your hips closer to his.

Your breath hitched in your throat at his sudden movement and the upcoming anticipation.

His fingertips danced over the skin on your hips then - and suddenly got your dark blue lace panties ripped into shreds.

"Daryl!" You shrieked, then gasped. "Those were my favourites, I-" "'S jus' a damn piece 'a fabric. Dun be such a crybaby," he interrupted you; instantly putting you in your place. Your mouth clapped shut. This was yet another new side of him. Sure, you knew he was hotheaded, but he literally just went from kinda submissive to dominant within the blink of an eye. Was it the alcohol? Or truly his temper?

The clinking of his belt ripped you out of your thoughts. Some shuffling and the rustling of fabric was the only premonition you got, before you felt him against your hot and pulsating center. Your hips instantly bucked; trying to get closer.

More friction.

More pleasure.

More of Daryl.

The archer hovering above you scoffed. "Look how needy ya are. Dun even hafta prepare ya." You could see the corners of his mouth twitching into a small smirk. "Tis all jus' from gettin' me off, huh?" You nodded and bit your lip. Daryl on the contrary shook his head, "Yer tha' desperate? Pf... Pathetic." and lined himself up, before hitting home.

Stars exploded in front of your eyes as his hips met yours. The most sinful moan the archer had ever heard in his life slipped past your lips; only spurring him on more. He picked up a firm, steady pace - leaving you a mess beneath him barely within a few minutes. Just what you did to him.

Revenge was sweet, wasn't it?

His precise, powerful thrusts carried you from one high to the next - and Daryl enjoyed it. He loved to see you fall apart beneath him. And this time, he was the one lasting longer. "Who's commin' too soon now, huh? 'S not me, sunshine. Told ya I'd shut tha' sassy mouth 'a yers," he growled lowly; slowing his pace to just give you a few moments of recovery. You moaned at the sheer endless pleasure he granted you. Your hands gripped his thick arms like a vice after he had planted both palms firmly in the mattress beside your head to gain more leverage. "F-Fuck, Daryl," you whimpered; fingernails digging into his sweaty biceps. "I know. Jus' one more, 'kay? Can ya give me one more?" You nodded wordlessly. "Good girl," the archer praised and picked up his speed once again; pulling another sweet moan alongside some incoherent noises from you.

Your hands travelled. They left his arms to rest on his chest, where they fisted the fabric of his plaid shirt with the ripped off sleeves. The fabric held a darkened stain - a puddle of sweat formed on his chest.

Your hands continued to fist his shirt, as you pulled - an attempt to undo a few buttons. But once the archer noticed what your mission was, he stopped dead in his movements. "Nah, dun do tha'," he scolded you instantly and peeled your hands away from the fabric covering his upper body. "W-Why?" You asked breathlessly; not understanding his sudden mood shift. "'"Cause I told ya to!" He snapped.

Just in that moment, you realised that you must've hit another sore spot... But this time one that actually seemed to get to him. Not one that managed to turn him on.

"S-Sorry, D-Daryl, I-" You immediately apologised, but got interrupted once more. "Keep holdin' on ta my arms, if yer need sum'thin' to hold on to." His voice was gruff, but way more soft than a few moments ago. The archer redirected your hands and placed them once more around his sweaty biceps. Without another word, he continued where he left off, causing your grip to instantly tighten. "There ya go," he praised you again and readjusted your legs with his thighs. Just the slight change of angle was enough to send you a third time over the edge. This time, though, you dragged him right with you.

A broken sound - close to a cry, left the man's lips as he pulled out and coated the supple skin of your stomach with his release. A single droplet of sweat rolled down his neck as he threw his head back in ecstasy. It was a sight to behold. A sight you might never forget for the rest of your life - no matter how long your life was going to be.

A few moments later collapsed Daryl on the mattress beside you. He was clearly spent. Perhaps this had been something you both needed. Who knew?

"Imma take a shower," the archer announced after a while and left the bed - but not before gentleman-like wiping the mess he made on your stomach away with his hand. Without another word, he left, while you just laid there - still naked and staring at the ceiling; recalling in your mind what just happened. The sex managed to sober you up a bit. Did that really just happen? Had you been dreaming this?

You heard the water run, but not how Daryl returned to the room and settled down for the night in the armchair. You had ventured off to dreamland at some point.

To say the next morning was awkward was an absolute understatement. Awkward was not even remotely enough to describe the vibe between the both of you.

When you woke up again, the archer was nowhere to be seen. Now sober, you left the bed, picked up your clothes, noticed that you truly were - in fact in his room, and tiptoed butt naked down the hallway into your room. Luckily nobody had seen you. That would've been scandalous, right?

Your luck was also that everybody was quite hungover from last night. Some more, some less. Therefore noticed nobody the way you and Daryl acted around each other.

You could barely manage to look into his eyes.

You felt ashamed; thinking that you pushed him too far yesterday night. Thinking, that you were too bold and unable to control your damn feelings. Thinking that you pushed him away, instead of drawing him in. You anticipated that the archer must hate you now - and you couldn't even blame him...

Nevertheless seemed a conversation inevitable. You didn't want to destroy the friendship - if you could even call it that - the both of you had before last night.

It took you days to bite the bullet and ask him to talk, though. Sure, you had been on the road again since the CDC was a dead end, but that wasn't an excuse in your eyes.

"D-Daryl?" You approached him cautiously as you found him alone in the stables of the Greene farm; saddling a horse to go looking for Sophia. "Whatcha want?" He asked you and gave you a short look. You swallowed nervously. "Can we, uh, can we talk?" "'Bout wha'?" You watched him work for a moment, while your fingers fumbled with the hem of your t-shirt; trying to gather all the courage you could find. "That, uh, night at the CDC..." Your words came out as a whisper, but Daryl heard them nonetheless - and froze in all his tracks.

"Why'd ya wanna talk 'bout tha'?" He asked nonchalantly after a beat of silence and continued his work; had seemingly shaken off the small 'shock' quite quick. "I-I..." You started and sighed. "Things f-feel so weird between us since that n-night, and... I don't want that. I-I'm sorry for what I did. I'm s-sorry for making you sleep with me." Your eyes were stuck on him. You watched him and tried to gauge his reaction - afraid of what was going to happen.

"Yer sorry 'bout it?" Daryl asked then - almost in disbelief. Then he scoffed. "Do ya regret it?"

That was a question you didn't see coming. A question you haven't thought about yet. Did you regret it? Your memories took you back in time; letting you relive that night you shared with him. The answer was clear - as you quickly discovered.

"No, I don't, but... It was wrong. I shouldn't have-" "Wrong?" He interrupted you. His voice appalled. "Tha's what ya think 'bout this? 'Bout... us?" Daryl accused you with a grimace on his face. Was that... sadness you could detect in his blue orbs? Hurt?

You blinked; "U-Us?" were definitely confused by his words. "W-What do you mean 'us'?" "Ya know wha' I mean, Y/N." You shook your head. "No, Daryl. No, I don't. We've been practically ignoring each other since the CDC. We can't even talk properly! Neither of us can look into the other's eyes! Everything is just... weird, and you talk about an 'us'? No, I don't get it. Tell me. Explain it."

A frustrated huff left the archer's lips, before he started to gnaw at the pad of his thumb; averting your eyes. All of a sudden, the usually so confident redneck became all shy and insecure. "Dunno how," he started; merely shrugging his shoulders. "'S difficult, 'n I ain't good with words." "Try it, D," you encouraged him and gave him a soft smile. "Please. I want to make things right between us again." The archer nodded and took another moment - most likely to gather his thoughts. "'S tha' feeling, ya know? Can't pin it down. Always feelin' so strange whenever yer close to me."

Your heart skipped more than just one beat as his words urged to your ears. Could it be...? No...

"W-What do you feel? Can you... describe it?" Daryl lowered his gaze to the ground. The little stone laying beside his left foot suddenly became really interesting. "Jus' strange. Gets harder to breathe, 'n... My stomach's all messed up. Feels like an itch I can't scratch." You couldn't believe this was happening. Did that night cause Daryl to fall in love with you? "You're doing good, D. Keep going. What else?" You had to know.

He grunted; his foot playing with that little stone, before kicking it aimlessly over the concrete ground. "I... always go back to tha' night in my head. Can't forget it. Yer look. Yer touch. The way ya felt, I-" He stopped himself to take a deep breath. And you smiled. Perhaps having slept with him hadn't been a mistake. Perhaps you interpreted his behaviour wrong. Perhaps you just misread the signs...

"I jus' dunno how to act 'round ya. I dunno wha's happening to me. Tha's why I ain't talkin' to ya. Didn't mean to ignore ya..." Daryl apologised with his head still lowered.

You stepped closer to him and cautiously reached for his hand. He flinched, but didn't pull away. "Daryl, I... I think I know what happened to you," you whispered. "'N wha's tha'?" He asked; finally brave enough to lift his head to look into your eyes. You smiled and squeezed his hand. "I think you... are in love."

As quick as the man had lowered his guard, as quick was it up again.

He pulled his hand out of your grasp and scoffed, before he took a few steps back. "Pf. Love? Me? Tha's ridiculous, woman - 'n we both know it!" "Is it, yeah? You really think so?" "Yes!" He yelled, and wanted to rush past you - but you stopped him with your palm splayed on his chest. You didn't know if what your heart made you do was a wise decision, but it acted on its own will. Your head was powerless anyway.

Daryl's eyes travelled from yours to the hand on his chest and back. "Whatcha doin', woman?! Leave me the hell alo-" You had heard enough. You had held yourself back long enough. This was the only option you had left. It was do or die.

You cut the man off with standing on your tiptoes and connecting your lips to his. It was a chaste, gentle kiss - but nonetheless meaningful. It felt so right. So good. His lips so soft and warm - compared to his seemingly rough exterior. His blond-brown goatee tickled your skin in the best way possible.

Once more, Daryl froze to the ground; not moving a muscle.

When your lips left his again with a soft pop and you reopened your eyes, you could see how his eyelids fluttered slowly open as well. You could feel his heart galloping underneath your palm. "What do you feel now, Daryl?" You asked in a hushed tone. Your eyes never left his. The archer swallowed hard. His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat. "I-I-I..." He stammered out; his cheeks heating up. "G-Good," he croaked out. "R-Real good." You smiled - happy that your heart had made the right decision. "Wanna do it again?" He blinked. The tips of his ears got red as well. "I-If yer willin' t-to k-kiss me again?" Your smile even widened, before you reached up to cup his beardy, red cheeks in your palms to pull him into another kiss. Daryl gasped against your lips; eyes falling shut and lips following your lead. It caused the kiss to get more intimate. More demanding. More passionate.

His hands acted on their own will, as they settled on your waist and pulled you closer. Your body crashed against his. You could tell that he hadn't kissed a lot in his life; his movements clumsy and messy - but perfectly Daryl. And you loved it. You didn't care how experienced or skilled he was. All you cared about was him - and all the love he deserved you wanted to give him.

He was far from perfect; had his flaws - but so were you.

"What do you say now about love, pretty boy?" You asked in a playful, yet loving manner; your hands crossed behind his neck. Daryl's hands gently squeezed your sides, "Shuddup." before he dipped his head to indulge you into yet another kiss.

Yeah... He was definitely whipped.

Tags: @angelwings-crossbowstrings @belitoxx @fictive-sl0th @marvelcasey05 @loz-3 @whore4romance @stitchintimefan @bigbaldheadname @making-the-most-0f-it @erebus-et-eigengrau @km-ffluv @0-aubrie0 @sweetz1919 @mikaela-granger @secretsicanthideanymore @dilfdixon @txtttttttttttttt @dixons-sunshine @cakesandtom @mayday2007 @dixonsdarkelf @huntedmusicgardenn @ffsjustletmesleep

[the-meme-monarch]

i do kinda have a little head canon for shrimpo in your verse

that I think shrimpo thinks everyone just hates him and maybe at garden view he tries to act nice to the kids but the kids don’t wanna talk or be near him because of how the show petrayed him and so becomes lonely he hates the other toons because they don’t get hated like he did or be ignored like him he also might not like deliliah because after watching her interaction with other toons he feels like she is just happy with them then with him

looking back this is not what you were saying i don’t think. but this was the idea this gave me NDJSJJD

but like yeah i kinda do think shrimpo has like. self image issues. ans legitimately has difficulty expressing anything other than his brand of anger. he can’t really help but act the way he does and he doesn’t really Like that he’s like that. like the character posters around his room COULD just be to cover holes in his walls or bc he’s full of himself but idk. why put up the same poster over and over with words implying nobody likes him. i think he’s got hardcore “why was i made like this” type feelings. iirc qwelver said he likes One Thing and like. if it were himself i think it would’ve just been said so bc that just feels like such an easy answer? (my idea for the one thing he likes is it’s something he can be bribed with. and that’s why in-game he’d be going on these runs at all. bc otherwise I don’t know why he’d participate HDHDJRJDJ)

so uh. maybe this is the eventual aftermath of my ‘shrimpo punching delilah in the face Immediately after being brought to life bc she scared him’ comic. shrimpo feels legitimately guilty about it bc He Didn’t Actually Mean To and thinks delilah really truly hates him over it. arthur Pried this information from him. and is trying to get delilah to reassure him. i think delilah doesn’t have much capacity for emotions Period so she got over getting punched to begin with pretty quickly. or she doesn’t even remember at this point bc of my ‘toon creation wears down your soul’ headcanon idk

last line is a reference to this post

[redwinelew]

j'adore | lewis hamilton

social media au. black + actress!reader

summary there has been a rumour going around that you and lewis are dating, and while that's true, you and him decided to take a different approach in order to confirm your relationship

face claim zendaya bcs everybody loves zendaya

song fashion by lady gaga

warnings inaccurate timeline probably idk, not proofread bcs i couldn't be bothered

author's note inspired by those pics this week 😋😋

english is not my first language. all pictures taken from instagram, pinterest and twitter. credit to owners.

masterlist | requests are CLOSED!

twitter

f1gossipofficial

liked by user, user and 12,637 others

f1gossipofficial Lewis Hamilton's newest rumoured wag, Y/N L/N in New York City today.

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user excuse me that's a two times emmy winning actress y/n l/n to YOU

user she's so pretty

user never heard of her before

user user watch challengers!! she was so damn good in it

user user oh i didn't know she was an actress??

user user also a fashion icon 😋😋

user user a perfect girl for lewis then lol

user i refuse to believe that this was not a photoshoot

user user girlie really casually walks out of her house looking like this

user god really does have a favorite

user i wanna be her when i grow up

user idk if i wanna be her or lewis or both

user lewis has a great taste in women

ynln

liked by lewishamilton, gongyoo_official and 7,272,947 others

ynln thank you harpersbazaar 🩶🩶 never thought i'd look good in grey or a suit or both

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user Y/N IN A SUIT OH MY GOD

user i'm so gay

user she can step on me and i will still worship the ground that she walks on

user *saoirse ronan meme* WOMEN—

user THE SUIT AND THE CURLS!!!!!!

user now that's a real it girl

user first black then grey.... guys hear me out ive connected it

user didn't michael b jordan already wore this same suit? 😭

user user and y/n wore it better!!

user lewis in the likes lol he aint slick

user user i dont think he was ever trying to be 😭😭

lancomeofficial

liked by oliviarodrigo, lewishamilton and 189,628 others

lancomeofficial Introducing ynln as our newest Lancôme ambassador 🤍

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user *me hyperventilating* guys stay calm

user lewis in the likes again....

user user his ass is always liking posts about y/n 😭😭

user user couple goals honestly

user first black then grey then WHITE???? what is she trying to tell us 😭😭

user user this was just bunch of pictures for the lancome lol pls

user user do u know who her stylist is? LAW FREAKING ROACH. he's been styling her since the dawn of time. and y/n is too pr-trained for stuff like this to just be a coincidence. she's trying to tell us something.

user user and i thought taylor swift fans are the craziest ones 😭😭

user i love how these comments are about y/n and lewis 😭😭 nobody cares about the lancome thing

user if the white means that she's already married to lewis i will honestly end it all

ynln user that's too far fetched

user ynln THEN WHAT IS IT JUST TELL US PLS 😭😭😭😭😭😭

ynln user lol 😉😉

ynln

liked by imsebastianstan, georgerussell63 and 5,837,044 others

ynln sagawards 🌷🩷 thank u for having me as one of the presenters and congratulations to all of the winners

view all 13,627 comments

user WE'RE GOING WITH PINK NOW??????

user oh this dress EATS

user user nobody loves y/n l/n as much as law roach does

user y/n please my gf is on this app 😭🙏🏼

user guys i lied i haven't connected shit idk what she's teasing us with these colors

ynln user i'm disappointed but pls try again

user ynln OH KY GOD I LOVE U 😭😭😭😭😭😭

user george in the likes...... georgerussell63 tell us what you know NOW 🔪

georgerussell63 user I'm just a huge fan!

user georgerussell63 uh huh sure 🤨🤨 i'm watching u boy

twitter

ynln

liked by simoneashley, daisyedgarjones and 14,826,244 others

ynln wearing red for my ferrari man ❤️🥀 lewishamilton

tagged lewishamilton

view all 180,628 comments

user WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

user ALL OF THOSE OUTFITS WERE LEADING UP TO RED BECAUSE HE'S WITH FERRARI THIS YEAR OHHHHHH

user user i have no words

user user this is so fucking genius

ynln user knew u could figure it out 😉😉

user LAW ROACH AND Y/N L/N YOU TWO HAVE DONE IT AGAIN!!!!

user user i bet lewis was in this too 😭😭

ynln user it was his idea. wore red in front of of him once and he was drooling

user ynln WJAHDJEKSHKS WHAT

lewishamilton ynln i was not

ynln lewishamilton really? what was last night then?

lewishamilton ynln do you want me to rip your clothes again?

ynln lewishamilton is that an offer?

user ynln AYO????

user i'm hyperventilating

user i expected no less from the met gala co-chairs

user this is so extra lmfao i love it 😭🙏🏼

user the ferrari and this relationship launches will go down in history. what a moment.

twitter

taglist @anamiad00msday @nothaqks @seonghwaexile @unknownmystery22 @becca-bec0a @nothing-just-an-inchident16 @glitteryturtledeer @greantii

[artist-issues]

You don't believe in love. You believe in people SUPRESSING a part of themselves, not caring how much it ACHES for them to do so. You are objectively wrong, and you do NOT belong on Tumblr. Any arguement you try to come up with against this is pointless.

You are NOT a real Christian.

People “suppress” parts of themselves all the time—for love. If by “suppress,” you mean, “I don’t choose to identify with everything I feel.” I feel like screaming at my mom when she hurts me. But I love her, so I’m not going to say, “gotta be true to myself, gotta live what I feel.” Many people feel like alcohol is what they need and without it, who are they? Many people even feel like depression is “a part of who they are,” so they don’t give it up.

Don’t you understand? What makes something I feel fall under the category of “who I am?” Because not all feelings are good, and most of them aren’t even rooted in reality.

Your feelings lie to you all the time. Right before death after years of dementia or a terminal illness, a person can suddenly become more alert and energized than they’ve been since the start of their illness. They get up, talk, and their feelings tell them that they’re better. And the reality is they’ve never been closer to death, and they’re dead moments later. It’s called “terminal lucidity,” and it’s been happening since humanity’s earliest history. And it’s just one example of your feelings lying about what’s real.

So how can you tell if the things you feel are a part of who you are, or a cancer you need to cut out of yourself because it’s hurting the “real” you? That’s what you’re calling “suppression,” and yeah, it aches, but letting it grow and calling it “part of yourself” is worse.

Figure out what standard you measure “who I am” by.

A Christian measures it by Christ. Who He says you are, not what you feel you are. After all, He calls us to die to ourselves. What did you think that meant?

And a Christian measures everything by what Christ says. That’s how I know “the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked.” It’s how I know you’re right; I don’t belong on tumblr. I don’t belong on this corrupt planet anymore: “If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but you are not of the world, for I have chosen you out of the world; this is why the world hates you.” And it’s how I know what real love is, and it’s Him. He invented it, He gets to define it.

And that’s the point of this argument. To get it out in front of people that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and nobody has a restored relationship with God, nobody can be their “true-selves” unless they die to their old-corrupt self and come to God through Jesus Christ.

So thanks for giving me the opportunity to answer and get that out in front of people again.

[monvirtu]

𝐂𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐇

⋆ precis ~ headcanons on how quackity acts when he has a crush!

⋆ tags ~ profanity, romance, and fluff.

⋆ notes ~ taking c!quackity, q!quackity, cc!quackity, and k!quackity requests. bro's cool so yeah.

⋆       hear me out, it would be hard and easy to know when quackity has a crush on you.

⋆       if you were a streamer like him, he would constantly watch your streams or raid them with his own viewers.

iwatchquackityhaha: RAIDDDDD !!!!!

greenbeans: QUACKITY RAID!!!!

mynamesjeff: THIS IS THE 5TH TIME QUACKITY HAD RAIDED [NAME] HE'S OBSESSED

quackity: @.mynamesjeff SHUT UP JEFF

⋆       his viewers would absolutely call out him on this, but it would be a little tease that happened because it wasn't that big of a deal. he was only watching your streams, and that could simply be because he likes your content. he might be raiding your streams because he feels like it.

⋆       you, of course, never speculated about it either. it was simply him being nice and you always greeted him once you noticed his presence in your chat.

⋆       but then it got to the point where he would donate to you.

⋆       if it was a little bit of money, then no one would have batted an eye.

⋆       but this man would donate hundreds just to see your reaction.

⋆       why? because one, it makes you notice him, and two, he enjoys watching how your reaction changes every time he donates.

⋆       when he first donated, you were shocked and made sure to thank him every minute of your stream. you could be talking about something else and then randomly thank him again for the money.

⋆       then after a few more times, it got to the point where you'd lecture him for donating so much, and it eventually turned into a war with you both donating loads of money back and forth.

⋆       he always won, by the way.

' quackity donated 200 ! '

"hi"

despite the fact you had a robot reading your donations out loud, you still found yourself looking at the screen as you read what quackity had sent.

"did you seriously just donate to tell me hi?" your words echoed throughout your room, and before you could assume that he wouldn't answer, another donation appeared on the screen.

' quackity donated 100 ! '

"yes"

"quackity, we're throwing hands."

⋆       eventually, he would start texting you on discord to ask if you wanted to do a stream with him.

⋆       at first, you believed that streaming with him would be like a one-time thing, but then it became a consistent thing for viewers to see you both streaming together.

⋆       streams with similar titles started popping up all over youtube and twitch.

⋆       "minecraft with [name]" or "playing roblox with quackity"

⋆       things like that.

⋆       and that's when people started to get suspicious.

⋆       i mean, who could blame them? you both just seemed to click, and given how fast it happened, everyone was just curious.

⋆       eventually, everyone's curiosity turned into a chance to ship you and quackity, and that led to fanfics, fanart, and even edits.

⋆       to which quackity reads, views, and watches them all.

⋆       he was amused by people picking up on his little crush, but this is where him being 'a hard person to know when they like someone' comes in.

⋆       he never confirms that he likes you.

⋆       at least to you.

⋆       he'll constantly like and comment on edits or fanart of you both, or repost them to where everyone can see that he did.

⋆       it's never a shock to find you and him trending all because he decided to comment a ';)' on an edit he saw.

⋆       this would happen for a little bit until it got to the point where you started questioning what you and quackity were, so he'd ask you out later on.

⋆       he wouldn't do it on a stream because one, he wouldn't want you to feel pressured, and two, he wanted it to be a moment between you and him. nobody else.

⋆       it'd probably be around vidcon time, and that's because you'd both be in the same place, and you had more time to be around each other.

⋆       he'd invite you to hang out with him for a day, and he seems like the type of person to pull a move out of a romcom.

⋆       like, he studied romcoms a week before because he wanted to do something special.

⋆       if you're at a resturant, he'd write a note on your napkin asking if you'd be his. if you go to a beach, he made sure to write the question with seashells he found prior on the sand. if you don't like big gestures, he'll just ask you while you're on a walk or something.

⋆       but no matter what gesture he ended up pulling, his reaction would be the same to each one if you said yes.

⋆       a wide grin would spread on his face, and he'd probably give you a hug if you were okay with it.

⋆       if he ended up asking you on the beach, he'd jump into the water.

⋆       there's no denying that.

⋆       if you were okay with making your relationship public, he'd probably post a picture of you two kissing or whatnot with the caption telling fanartist to remake it.

⋆       his lockscreen would be that photo, and every art remake his followers made for him.

⋆       now if you aren't a streamer like him, it would be a little bit different.

⋆       he probably met you at your work, or just a random place in general.

⋆       if he met you at your work, you best believe he'll be constantly going there just to talk to you until he gains the confidence to ask for your number.

⋆       and that might take a bit, so you're better off asking for his number first.

⋆       he would text you all the time.

⋆       the type of man to apologize if he left you on delivered for like ten minutes.

⋆       the type of man to quickly text you back when he's streaming to let you know why he might not answer, and then proceeds to talk about you to his viewers for the rest of the stream.

"who are you texting?"

his friends taunting voice rang in his headphones, yet he could only laugh a little bit while he continued typing his message to you.

it wasn't a simple sentence that stated he would be busy, but rather a paragraph saying that he was playing games with his friends, and that he would make sure to text you as soon as he had the time.

"someone i met a while ago." quackity finally responded, and his friend hummed. "you like this someone?"

"like is an understatement."

⋆       eventually, you both would start to hang out, and then he'd ask you out once he felt like the time was right.

⋆       since you weren't a streamer, though, his chat would literally be jumping with joy once they met you.

⋆       they'd give you a nickname to match quackity's, preferably something that refers to a duck, or they'd just call you by your name if you preferred that.

⋆       if you're ever lacking confidence, quackity could sit you down in front of his stream, and with his viewer's compliments towards you, it wouldn't even take you that long to feel amazing again.

   

©𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐕𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐔𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓

writings are to not be reposted, translated, or plagiarized. if you wish to show your love for my work, feel free to reblog, comment, or like.

[stealingpotatoes]

POTES GETS TRAUMATISED BY KOTOR!

i was gonna part 2 of this when I got to the end but i got to That Bit™ this morning and i need to tell everyone ever (im aware im probably towards the end of the game now but still plz dont spoil i assume theres more insane shit to come!!)

without further ado, sessions 7-9:

seven rhymes w revan so they better show tf up now

this game is so pretty esp when you land the ship

CARTH HAD A WIFE AND SON?????? CHRIST POOR GUY SAUL SUCKS

omg they never found the son that feels potentially relevant

'they didnt send a master bc itd draw too much attention' bastila, malak is obsessed with u rn i think that mission has been failed

wow so the council sent juhani with me just bc my vibes are so great

i might sound completely batshit insane for this but with all these redemption themes/talks i keep thinking abt 1. the fact i was so certain u played as revan 2. that revan is never given pronouns like ur supposed to pick their pronouns and 3. i have amnesia and im good at being a jedi (+ they clearly know smthn i dont). im not gonna say it bc i will look incredibly stupid if im wrong but do u pick up my theory. do u pick up what im putting down

ok that feels like the biggest reach in history PLEASE IM CLEARLY GOING CRAZY JUST SHOW ME REVANNN PLEASEEEEEEEE

i don’t even know if i have amnesia tbh but nobody’s given me a chance to prove i don’t

they could just be trying to make revan extra mysterious w the pronouns. i think im talking to carth too much, him not trusting anyone is making me not trust the game now im worried the lack of pronouns is there to hide their identity for some betrayal LMAO

oop i thought bringing zaalbar would be a good idea but apparently hes an exile. great

is stopping slavery even the jedi way cause qui-gonn sure as shit didnt do that in tpm

ZAALBAR'S DAD IS CHIEF??

i should bring Mission on this meet-zaalbar's-dad thing but shes 14 and i dont want to bring her into active combat scenarios ok

ok zaalbar's dad WAS chief. odds on him being this 'mad-claw'

A JEDI?

a grouchy hermit jedi!!!

why am i allowed to use the computer what previous user would make it usable for ME?????? SUSPICIOUS

what if im a wattpad character and revan is my older sibling or cousin

this is star wars, The Family Drama Franchise, im not ruling out that theyre my dad. my woke nonbinary dad

I LOVE THIS BUILDERS MYSTERY WHO TF WERE THEY. THEY MADE KASHYYK A FOREST!!! THEYRE SO COOL!!! I LOVE AN ANCIENT PEOPLES MYSTERY

was the builders my evil dad is this like assassins creed (everyone else has parental issues i'll feel left out if i don't have any)

big fan of how creepy the forest mandos are

im fighting little beasties and a massive beastie. this is just like jfo

well we dealt with a planet of slavers and helped with Zaalbar's daddy issues, now it's time to go to a new planet of slavers and help with Bastila's mummy issues!!!

DARTH BANDON (ill call him brandon out of disrespect) SHOWED UP AND IMMEDIATELY THREW A RANDOM GUARD INTO A TERMINAL INJURING 2 OTHERS. AND HE LOOKS LIKE AN EVIL SIMS 2 TOWNIE bet hes lowkey mid

malak you will never replace your best friend revan with this brandon fucker. and revan is going to be MY best friend soon when i find them

massive fan of how imperial tatooine looks near the same as it did in kotor 4000 years ago. this planet is the true no.1 shithole ever

btw the 8th fast n furious was called f8 of the furious

im still so scared that revan's pronoun sitch means they're gonna be someone i know like what if revan is already my best friend CAN SOMEONE JUST TELL ME I DONT HAVE AMNESIA SO I CAN RELAX AND AT LEAST RULE OUT THE CRACK THEORY OF ME BETRAYING MYSELF

whatever let's think about the fact i'm on the sand shithole. fuck this star map bastila where's your mum i want some soap opera drama

WHY DOES EVERYWHERE CHARGE ME 100 CREDITS

tatooine used to be a lush green planet??? arrakis who?

omg this guy knows carth does everyone on tatooine know my friends

HIS SON IS W THE SITH??????

'he must be a man by now' how old are you carth i thought you were like 30 at most. carth were you a child bride

when are we gonna run into someone who knows ME so i can dispute the amnesia allegations

AH! BASTILA'S BITCH-MUM JUST ASKED ME IF I TALK TO MY MOTHER LIKE THAT AND I GOT OPTIONS!! IS THIS EVIDENCE AGAINST MY AMNESIA???? AM I A REAL CHARACTER??????? GET IN!!! I HAD A MOTHER

i love how bastila n her mum havent seen each other in presumably like 20 years and yet their reunion was so immediately hostile

or more than 20 years who knows how old any of my companions are carth apparently has an adult son!!!

the only person i can trust is mission who is for sure 14 and the old men who are old man aged

thank god there was a guy who immediately told me the nonlethal option for the tuskens i thought i was gonna have to search for it

just did baby's first savescum cause i accidentally picked a dark side option and my friends were sad LOL

THE WAY HK47 SAID "shall i kill something for you? (:" LMAO IM IN LOVE W IT ALREADY

LMAOO HK IS ALMOST ALL THE WAY INTO THE DARK SIDE METER

having bastila and hk at the same time feels like having an angel and a devil on my shoulder every time they chime in on dialogue

i love them

MEATBAGS

"would you rather be caught with contraband that is very illegal or just a little illegal" "whats the difference" "about 20 years, master" HE IS MY FAVOURITE

love getting the murderdroid to do peace negotiations

hilarious that we're negotiating in our underwear

tatooine really makes you realise that this game is a walking simulator

LETS GO FIGHT A DRAGON

but respectfully. bc im a jedi

fun fact if you walk straight into the cave without using the hunter guy's mines then you will die and have to reload your save. not saying i know this from experience bc i just did exactly that and died or anything it's just a random fact i know

dragon: exploded

DARTH BRANDON??!??!?!?!

NOW TELL ME WHERE REVAN IS YOU SHITBRICKED SON OF A BITCH ok hes dead he cant tell me anything

bastila is drawn to landmines like a moth to a flame she loves getting exploded by them

BASTILA'S MUMMY ISSUES: SOLVED

i should be an intergalactic family issues counsellor. my character could've solved vaderkin and luke's whole thing in less than one film

bastila just PAID ME A COMPLIMENT INSTEAD OF NAGGING ME! CALL THE UH-- i guess star wars doesnt have the vatican just uhhh idk tell yoda when he's born

i love this game bc you get a very distinct feeling that they pulled '4000 years' out of a hat and didnt think about how the buildings or technology would be different. in 4000 years all that's changed on tatooine is how many towns there are but i guess it's the law of diminishing returns or whatever

WE’RE BEING TRACTOR-YOINKED???

why are we in our underwear. saul you pervert

what history between us

WHAT HISTORY SAUL. WHAT HISTORY

WHAT HISTORY?!!!!!!?!!????

what does he MEAN my loyalties are switching WHAT FUCKING HISTORYY

LMAOOO you can say the academy was on alderaan instead of dantooine thats such a good anh reference

THE JEDI ON DANTOOINE HAVE BEEN KILLED?!!?!!!! WHAT IM NO LONGER LMAO-ING

WHAT THE HELL CAN I HAVE A SECOND TO PROCESS EVERYTHIN

sorry carth i got you soooo electrocuted it was for the republic tho

seriously WHAT THE DANTOOINE JEDI CANT BE DEAD LIKE ??????? what????? no??? master tortimer???

LMAOOO HALF NAKED JOLEE IS GONNA KILL A SHIP

NAKED OLD MAN RAMPAGE LETS GOO!!

this is good we should get out of here but also can we ask saul and malak what the fuck he meant by history

presumably?? i was a sith before?? my amnesiacs??? like that seems certain going off saul's comments

god if the crack theory was right im gonna cry i dont even want to think abt the implications of that

at least my amnesia has been semi-confirmed. or i have an evil twin

LMAO JOLEE HAS NO ARMOUR PROFICIENCY ALL HE CAN WEAR IS HIS UNDIES. NAKED OLD MAN RAMPAGE CONTINUES!

“i have an army” “we have a naked old man”

rip naked old man times i have my equipment back

bastila thinks we can't fight malak but i literally have grenades we'll be fine

also i want to talk to him what the fuck did saul mean we had history. is MALAK my evil dad??? (i dont want 2 think abt the alternative option)

IM IN SPACE!!!!! IN A SPACE SUIT

what the hell do they put in these star wars games man, kotor is reaching jfo/js levels of "basically coke for me"

i cant think of a session nine pun i just wanna play it

CONTINUING ON FROM BEING IN SPACE LETS GO PUNCH SAUL IN SPACE

the crack theory can't be right its just a crack theory i'm not. like im just a normal woman i cant be ya know. i dont even wanna say it

SAUL PLEASE TELL ME I DONT HAVE AMNESIAAA

omg YES WE GET TO KILL SAUL!! GAME OF THE YEAR!!

HES ALIVE WHAT THE FUCK DID HE TELL YOU CARTH. WHAT THE FUCK DID THE WHOLE JEDI COUNCIL KNOW

CAN YOU GUYS TELL ME

WHY IS THE ONLY DIALOGUE OPTION LET'S MOVE ON. I DONT WANT TO MOVE ON TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK YOU GUYS ARE TALKING ABOUT

ah! malak! you bitch!

REUNION? VENGEANCE?? OH GOD NO

NO

ITS SHOWING ME THE EVIDENCE

OH IT WAS CARTH WHO SAID ABT THE MEMORY WIPING IT WASNT A LOADING SCREEN TIP

NO

WHAT

NO??????????? NO

IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CRACK THEORY IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CRAZY REACH I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE RIGHT

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

wow revan (my???) eyes are fucked up

AGH HE CALLED ME REVAN

OH MY GOD

I WAS ALWAYS PLAYING AS REVAN

THIS WHOLE TIME. I WAS NEVER PLAYING AS SOME RANDOM CLOWN WHO IVE GROWN TO LOVE AS A CHARACTER. I WAS ALWAYS PLAYING AS REVAN

WHY IS THERE NOT A DIALOGUE OPTION TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK I NEED TO HAVE A PANIC ATTACK

FUCK MAN ILL HAVE ONE IN REAL LIFE AT THIS RATE THERES NO WAY

i dont feel like im abt to cry but i kind of want to cry anyway what the HELL MAN

IT GETS WORSE EVERY TIME HE CALLS ME REVAN IM IN MROE AND MORE SHOCK

LIKE IVE BEEN PHYSICALLY GASPING ON REPEAT N SAYING NO OUT LOUD. IF I WAS HOME ALONE I THINK ID BE SCREAMING

there has got to be a speneva (space geneva) convention against this this seems so illegal

i literally cannot work out if this is better or worse than death. tbh it is death like the body lives but they stole my fucking brain man what the hell BASTILA I THOUGHT WE WERE FUCKING FRIENDS

oh my god she said "to capture revan… to capture you" WHY DOES IT HURT MORE WHEN MY FRIEND BASTILA CALLS ME REVAN

STOP CALLING ME REVAN MY NAME IS LEALA MACHAI THATS THE NAME IVE HAD FOR THE LAST 16 HOURS THATS MY NAME SHUT UP SHUT UP

NO STOP CALLING ME REVAN BASTILA!!!!

malaks a fuckin pussy he keeps running away

WHAT NO BASTILA DONT SACRIFICE YOURSELF DONT DO THAT STOP BASTILA WE CAN TAKE HIM IVE BEEN BEATING HIM 1V1 HES FUCKING EASY TO FIGHT COME BACK

NO I DONT WANT TO LEAVE HER!!!!!!! THATS;. SHE LIED TO ME BUT SHES STILL MY FRIEND BASTILA NO CARTH I DONT WANT TO LEAVE HER I NEED TO TALK TO HER

jesus mary joseph and the little donkey im revan. what the hell. im revan

this whole time

JOLEE IS STILL NAKED LMAO

yes mission! yes i love you yes it just matters who i am now yes exactly

CARTH DONT CALL ME REVAN I WILL START CRYING

thank you mission and zaalbar youre real ones

THANK U CANDEROUS

jolee knew but im not pissed off he wanted me to find out on my own and it wasnt his place to say, candy-o respects my/revan’s defeating his ppl and is the first person to make revan not sound like a slur

HK WAS MY DROID THIS WHOLE TIME?? HE WAS MY ASSASSIN DROID???????? LMAO AMAZING ok i feel less bad i can be revan if it means hk was mine all along

omg yay that means i DID run into someone i knew on tatooine just like carth and bastila!

tatooine must be crazy to do as the last planet lmao like does hk immediately go WADDUP MASTER and you cant even solve bastila's mummy issues bc shes not there. good thing i already did it

LMAOO CANDEROUS BEING LIKE girl its the force anything can happen its not just convenient

am i the force's specialest girl

yay carth listened to everyone and UNDERSTOOD THAT WHATEVER SHOCK HES FEELING I AM FEELING IT MUCH MUCH WORSE GODDAMNIT

agh no what the hell i just have to go about my day now?? i just have to work now????? until i can play the rest later?? when that just happened???????? i need bereavement leave

ive closed the game but im just blankly staring at my computer screen. what the hell. what the hell man

i have never felt so violated and traumatised by a bunch of pixels

somehow it feels worse that i basically clocked it but then was immediately like nahhh thats an insane reach, anyway! like somehow that feels worse than if i'd just never thought it was a possibility

what the fuck man what the fuck

POTES SEMI-LIVEBLOGS KOTOR!

ive been writing my thoughts in the notes app but due to popular demand (one person asked for it) i'm posting my liveblogging DO NOT SAY/TAG/COMMENT SPOILERS PLEASE i read tags

warning im a yapper, im 10 hours in and theres a lot already (separated into sessions):

SESSION 1

whos this clown i thought i would be playing as revan

ive been too spoiled by dragon age origins this character creator sucks ass

only human???? ): fr?? ill just imagine her different in my brain or some shit

my life is being mansplained to me. is this bad writing or do i have amnesiacs

hes meta now??? hes talking abt the screen controls?????

omg a jedi and an evil jediii

omg their asses suckedddd they both died immediately

i <3 bringing a sword to a gun fight

WHY R THERE SO MANY SITH WHERE IS TJE RULE OF TWO

i clicked a workbench and it said lightsaber so either i get a lightsaber or i get a jedi friend whose lightsaber i can steal if im careful

I assume u play as revan in kotor2 so im gonna buy that now so i can play it when im done playing w this clown

i got light side points im getting a good grade in game morality which is something both normal to want and possible to achieve

everyone keeps saying revan is dead but thats my friend revan from tumblr hes clearly alive. or they???

my characters ass is distractingly present onscreen

huge fan of the way everyone collapsed drunk what the FUCK was in that wine

ok these sith ppl might be the bad guys but their armour is DRIPPY AS FUCK

ideologically i dont agree w the sith but they kinda went off w the fits

googling how to become a sith without being evil cause they have Drip

SESSION 2

i paid £1.19 to see revan he better show up in this game at some point

all these sith n i still cant find one revan….. stop faking ur death rn come out n talk to me babygirl this isnt like u….

why can i be light/dark side if im not a jedi. give me a laser sword

maybe this jedi gyal will know where revan is faking his death. or give me a fuckin lightsaber PLEASEEE

was just thinking 'does this game have romance' and then carth called me beautiful. i dont think im gonna romance anyone until i get this amnesia sorted

why is carth questioning me so much abt the crash im pretty sure i have amnesia

why tf did the jedi lady have me transferred to this ship are we in lesbians with each other???

carth's not wrong it is suspicious but i lowkey have amnesia so i coulda done that i coulda not

a lot of clone wars voice actors in this. was lucasfilm so broke in the 2000s that they could only afford the same 3 VAs for every project

mission is 14??????? we need to get my girl back in school

SESH 3

tale as old as time i fucking suck at racing games

ok i didnt realise you had to mash click i won

REVAN!!! REVAN!!!!!!!!!

why am i dreaming abt revan tho. real as hell but ?????

lmao cringe revan getting blown up. i thought the jedi beat rev-meister in a fight but no. accident

"such visions are often a sign of force sensitivity" COOL YAY GIVE ME A LIGHTSABER

BASTILLE LOST HER FUCKING LIGHTSABER??

CARTH IS RIGHT THATS LIKE DAY ONE JEDI SHIT. ok i still love her even tho shes a bit of a bitch and also doesnt have a saber

if we find a lightsaber im taking it first tho

whys carth getting weird abt me being weird that he doesnt trust me. i just wanna be friends mate

SESH IV: A NEW HOPE

'i mean no disrespect, but perhaps one of the male slaves could serve you better' i went in here to start a slave revolution and instead got called a lesbo

LMAO THERES A SPICE LAB???? WALTER WHITE WHERE ARE YOU

thats insaneee they blew up BILLIONS of people to get to one jedi?????? these sith arent fucking around theyre scary

UM THIS IS CRAZY GRAPHICS THE LIGHTING IS CLEARER/DARKER WHEN I COVER THE SUN W THE SHIP EDGE?? 2003 IS THE YEAR OF THE FUTURE

someone just called me padawan i kinda assumed i was in my late 20s do i just have baby vibes

all the jedi in the movies are so chill but every kotor jedi i've met so far has been a bit of a bitch

YO THEY HAVE A YODA!!! its not THE yoda but

cool so these guys are just the regional managers at best. your asses are not the council

why can everyone smell my force juju so strong

THATS STRAIGHT UP YODA'S CLONE WARS VA

why does fake yoda not blink both eyes at the same time. im calling him master tortimer he reminds me of the animal crossing mayor

bastila there was no need for such a fancy bow

malak is like evil aang

revan is so much shorter than malak omg

are me and bastila sharing dreams. are we both obsessed w revan

poor mission ):

WHAT WAS MASTER TORTIMER ABT TO SAY????????? EVER SINCE WHEN??? DID WE KNOW EACH OTHER BEFORE MY AMNESIACS????? DID BASTILA TELL U SMTHN MORE WHEN I WASNT IN THE ROOM???

im intrigued i like this whole hidden jedi shtick its very compelling. so is whatever theyre hiding from me

kinda surprising no jedi found me before tho given my force juju is so strong

IM A LEGIT JEDI NOW??? SICK!!!

does revan rlly not have pronouns i thought that was a tumblr thing but they straight up are a nonbinary icon ive never heard a single pronoun used. revan's pronouns are revan/revan's

damn revan seems so cool in these stories (charismatic war hero that convinced their troops to join them as conqueror?? julius caesar) and yet all we've seen them do onscreen is get blown up and die by accident

A YEAR AGO? the way they were talking i assumed revan died like. a week before the game started

master uh i forgot his name he has martin scorcese vibes said revan was a paragon of the jedi so what im getting is that all jedi gifted kids turn evil

even if i didnt know revan as a tumblr darling id KNOW revan has to be alive somewhere they way everyone talks abt them is too cool for a character who exploded and died. i think. i hope. I PAID £1.19 TO MEET REVAN

'only you and bastila can stop malak' seriously????? just us two?? ive been a jedi for like, 6 minutes and you guys keep calling bastila young???? do you guys not wanna help??

omg im getting carth to traumadump! <3

HE WAS ON REVAN'S ARMY>??

i totally knew the jedi code and did not have to google it whatsoever

they rlly said fuck going to illum heres a crystal from the bin

he told me id be a great sentinel and i was like i know but i want blue cause i dont wanna be matchies with bastila

OGH!!! I HAVE A LIGHTSABER!!!! THIS IS GAME OF THE YEAR!!!!

omg i made my lightsaber perfectlyyy which is rare <3 getting a good grade in jedi

maybe i was a travelling lightsaber salesman before my amnesia

seriously though WHO was i everyone's kinda stopped acting like i have amnesia since the first mission BUT IVE PLAYED DRAGON AGE THAT GIVES YOU OPPORTUNITIES TO RP UR PAST. THIS DOESNT. EITHER THIS GAME IS BAD (but i love it so its not) OR I HAVE RETROGRADE AMNESIA

also everyone keeps being like "Oh ur force juju is so strong" AND NOBODY FOUND ME TIL NOW??? suspicious. did getting a really bad concussion activate the force in me

im too confused and amnesiac'd to think abt anything except the fact i have a glowing stick now

FSESH FIVE:

big fan of using aliens to avoid having to get VAs to read every line

oh so carth's boyfriend saul betrayed him and became leader of the sith fleet so he has trust issues

well he needs to calm down. i can't betray him cause i dont know what the fuck is happening

yooo i love the design differences on the mandalorians

oh my god this lady wanted to fuck her droid cause it was her husband's. and then it killed itself. wtf. game of the year tho

wtf they jebaited this juhani person into going dark side but then i talked her out of it. that seems a bit mean of them

i hope she can join my party she looks too unique to be a random npc

ive been thinking and I might be going crazy but there was a loading screen tip ages ago that said jedis could wipe ppl's mind and all i thought at the time was 'fuck the shitshow acolyte didnt make that up'. but what if one of them wiped MY memory and i used to be a jedi or smthn ????????

cause they keep being like ur weirdly good at this??? did bastila steal my memories??????????

I KNOW I HAVE AMNESIA!! EVEN IF EVERYONE DOESN'T BRING IT UP BC THEYRE PROBABLY TRYING TO SAVE MY FEELINGS

if i dont have amnesia and im just deeping the fact the opening had my life being mansplained then im gonna look real stupid

anyway time 2 go to the fuckshit ruins cave where r-dog and malak went to

"it must be referring to revan. the dark lord and malak--" revan's pronouns are revan/thedarklord

bastila said theres no mention of the Builders in the archives. does she just know every text off by heart

THIS DROID IS 20K YEARS OLD ???

omg i can equip 2 lightsabers at once. game of the year

OK I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT THE AMNESIA BASTILA IS ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY BACKGROUND THAT I CAN ANSWER. I REPEAT I DO NOT HAVE AMNESIA

ok i didnt get choices and i didnt really uh… say anything that i didnt already get told im still not ruling out amnesia

also booo i didnt get to find out how old i was

master tortimer rlly looks like the ultimate ketamine yoda

LMAO THERE WAS A DIALOGUE OPTION 2 CALL JUHANI A CATGIRL

omg kashyyk from jedi fallen order!!!

I CAN UPGRADE MY LIGHTSABER THIS IS JUST LIKE JFO

omg this ship is fun i wish everyone had personalised bunk spaces like hfw… a game which came out 19 years after this i should probably just take what we have

im gonna start w manaan cause im p sure thats what B-dog said n its the same language the droid was speakin

omg hyperspace from star wars

THE GUY THE BUILDING FELL ON???

am i having dreams abt revan bc bastila killed revan and im connected to her this is so roundabout

maybe i'd sleep better if my ponytail wasnt clipping into the pillow

[kiwi accent] six

carth needs a xanax every time i think we're friends he stops trusting me

also lmao he actually pointed out how wild it was that a day one padawan is being sent on this uber important mission and HES RIGHT IT IS WEIRD!! i thought it was main character logic but he's calling it out

i really really like the sense of unease that's setting in like at first i thought it was just cause im not used to 2003 games but no this is on purpose bc carth my friend carth keeps calling it out

THERE IS A CHILD ON MY SHIP ??????????????????

lmao the representative for menaan is roland wann. its like poetry it rhymes

there are no cameras in the sith hangar <3 rookie error i can commit crimes now

bastila's favourite hobby is getting shot and walking into my grenades

this isnt a combat system this is a missing system

I GOT ARRESTED???? IM JUST A GIRL

nvm i had a datapad that said the sith were evil so theyve let me go free and we're besties

why do i feel like ive just walked into an underwater horror mission

this suit waddles at the speed of a penguin on fentanyl

i tamed the beastie this is like how to train your dragon

MALAK FIRED ON REVAN?????? WERENT THEY BEST FRIENDS???????

but maybe revan escaped when bastila wasnt looking THEYRE FINE THEYRE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. I BELIEVE

so hopefully when we run into revan they'll be like agh i changed my ways cause of the being shot thing and they'll be my bestie

great news i successfully communicated w the ship child and gave her back to dantooine. my girl has shockingly good linguisitics skills

bastila is so dour "oh watch out for the dark side" GIRL I AM. I NEED TO GET THE BEST GRADE IN GAME MORALITY

ok OFF TO KASHYYK i hope cal kestis is there… thru the force i guess… bc he wont be born for another 4000 years but its whatever

omg you'll never guess what. another vision. wow its one of the thangs. cool this is a tomorrow me problem

[fashionteahouse]

Can you pretty please please please make a Paul x reader but reader has the powers that Benjamin has where she can like control or manipulate the elements but she doesn’t find out about it until after Paul shifts for the first time (like a while after) and the first time she really like uses it without knowing is when there at a bond fire and it js keeps getting stronger and stronger but reader is like zoning out and can the reason for the bond fire be like old quil talking about the supernatural people (besides wolfs and vampires) and how they don’t exist anymore (side requests:I don’t really want her to be a vampire or related to Benjamin 😭😭) but if you could make this I would be so happy lol I love ur “out of your league” series sm honestly a lil sad it ended 😭but I love your stuff sm 💕💕💕💕if you write this ill be so happy❤️❤️

yes yes yes btw the out of your league series didn’t end bb im making a new part that’s coming out super soon ;) super glad you liked it lol 💜 thanks for the kind words ! much love to you hope you enjoy :)

hold that heat - paul x reader

The door closes with a slight click. You nod at Sam and Sam nods at you as Old Quil speaks in his ancient tone. Books of old handwriting were in display on the wooden table.

“It’s something we should talk about, Samuel.”

Sam nods.

You move past the dining room table and go further into the living room and run your fingers through Paul’s hair. He was sleeping.

You then grace his cheek with your finger. He blinks awake, his eyes bloodshot red.

“Oh, hey.” he says tiredly. He pulls you in closer and he’s trying to make you sit on his lap but you suggest, “Get some sleep.”

“I was awake.” he says, still making you sit snug on his lap.

“Yeah, sure. And I grew wings.” you say with a chuckle. He smiled a bit.

“What are they talking about in there?” you ask Paul in a hushed tone.

“I don’t know…I guess I was asleep.” he says.

You held tightly to Paul’s hand as you both make your way to the beach.

“Who shifted?”

“Nobody…”

“So, why are we having a private bonfire?” you ask.

“I don’t even know. Something about newfound journals or something. Sam didn’t really get into details.”

“You couldn’t peak in his mind?”

“He told us while we weren’t shifted.”

“Oh.” you say as the logs became closer in your view.

“Are you cold?” he asks as you both sat down. You weren’t but it was an excuse for him to touch you. You smile and nod. He pulled you close.

Old Quil and the elders were watching the fire as Old Quil’s soothing voice speaks to all of the imprints and wolves circling the fire.

“We discovered that our ancestors had came across beings who had lived amongst them. Beings who were not just shifters and cold ones.”

People hummed responses and noises of confusion. That’s all that they have known to hear about. Even as children.

“We found the old journals that were hidden, that captured the beings who lurked.”

“Are they still alive, grandpa?” Quil asks.

The elder man slowly shakes his head.

“No, they cease to exist, grandson. Now, it turns out mythical creatures aren’t limited at least in our world.”

You watched the fire. Your mind started to question what creatures could have existed.

The thought of them not existing anymore and how much of a relief it was. If any of them were to come back, you didn’t want Paul to be in danger. Just the thought of Paul being in danger made you upset inside. A rage began to build. You didn’t like the thought of Paul being hurt. If Paul was hurt, that meant that you would be hurt.

Paul shakes you, “Y/N!”

“Hm?” you say as you blink at him.

His face looked almost horrified.

“Are…Are you alright?” he asks.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t…” you start and your lighthearted smile faded when you realized that nobody was sitting down. They were all watching the flame of the fire simmer down. They stole glances at you and the fire.

“…I be..?” you trail to finish.

“You mean to tell me you didn’t notice the fire? You never moved even when it was growing.” Paul says to you.

“The fire grew?” you ask. Paul sighs a bit to himself before he nods at you.

“You were zoned out. You wouldn’t even respond to any of us calling your name.”

You raise a hand to your head, “Maybe….Maybe I was just tired.” you say but you had gotten your full rest the night before. Paul slowly shakes his head as he knew that wasn’t what it was.

Paul walks you both back to the car. The car ride home was quiet. He didn’t want to leave you alone, scared of what would happen.

Paul eventually had to leave, he kissed your forehead before he left out for patrol.

“Hello?” you answer the phone. Old Quil barely called you, you felt he must’ve been checking up on you.

“We need to talk.”

He hangs up and you stare at the phone.

You make your way to Old Quil’s home. You knock on his heavy door.

“Enter.”

You open the door and his house is dark.

“Old Quil?”

“In here, child.”

You come to where he’s sitting at the table. The only think that’s accompanying him besides the cane that was next to him, was an unlit candle.

“Yes?”

“Have a seat.” he invites.

You slowly sit down.

“Do you know what happened last night?”

“I have an idea…”

He silently encourages you to go on.

“All I knew was when you were talking about the mythical creatures that were documented in the old journals you have found, I started thinking hard. Next thing I know, Paul told me I zoned and..We went home.”

“What were you thinking about?” he questioned carefully.

You shrug a bit as you think back, “Just…Just how upset I would be if something were to happen with Paul.”

“Did you feel these emotions…Strongly?”

You mused as you were about to say your answer before finally nodding.

Old Quil then brings out a lighter, he clicks it on and lights the candle. A small flame dances steadily on the candle.

“Now, Paul being hurt? What would you have done?”

“I don’t want to imagine him being hurt.”

“But, you were thinking about it. Paul is a shifter. There isn’t much you can do.”

“There is.” you say and the flame in front of you acted as if you were trying to blow it out, but it still flames up strong.

“Why could a human like yourself, help Paul who is a shifter? Hm?”

“I would do something! Alright?!” you say getting irritated and the flame grew bigger than it was. You’re in shock as you never seen something like that before.

Old Quil blows it out.

“That’s what happened at the bonfire.” he says, there wasn’t any taunting in his words.

“Wha..?” you ask in stupor.

“We thought people were going to catch on fire. It kept growing and growing.” he says.

“So…What are you saying?”

“You zoning out as the fire grew, could’ve been you..Controlling it.”

“Me controlling fire?” you shake your head in disbelief, “No way.”

“Me and my grandson are going fishing tomorrow. You should join.”

“Ugh, fishing is boring.” you tell him.

Old Quil chuckles deeply, “I’m sure after tomorrow, you will disagree with your claim now.”

“See you tomorrow.” you tell him as you’re leaving out the door.

You let Paul do most of the talking, taking your time to eat your food.

That next morning, Quil knocks and Paul looked at you both.

“Since when do you fish?” he asks you with one eyebrow raised.

“Now.” you say with a slight shrug.

You help Quil help Old Quil get on Billy Black’s boat. Quil tells you to get on and he pushed you both into the water before hopping in himself.

You all row in the water and you notice that there’s no fishing equipment.

“I thought we were going fishing?” you say as the boat rocked softly.

Old Quil grins.

“So, we just came out to the water for no reason?” you ask in boredom.

“It’s for a reason.”

“What’s the reason grandpa?”

“Because of Y/N.”

“What?” you look to him.

“You told him we were going fishing?” Quil asks you.

“No.” you shake your head, “Tell him I didn’t.”

Old Quil only lets out a soft grin.

“Ugh.” you groan with a frown.

The boat rocks slightly and Quil gripped the boat. Old Quil sat steady.

“There isn’t even wind.” Quil says.

“It’s Y/N.” Old Quil says.

“Would you quit it?” you say getting frustrated. Mini waves rocked the boat which made Quil say, “Whoa. This is really weird now.”

“You controlled the fire. Now, it’s time to hold that heat and control the sea.” Old Quil says.

“What’s wrong with me?” you whisper.

“Wait…The fire was you?!” Quil asks in exclamation.

“I guess? I don’t know!” you say in panic and the boat rocked harder and you gripped on the boat.

“Control it Y/N.” Old Quil says.

“You’re saying it like I know how to! I don’t know how!”

The wind was starting to whirl.

“Y/N, make it stop!” Quil tells you.

“I don’t know how!!” you yell.

A large wave was coming in your direction, you and Quil widened your eyes and Old Quil was sitting in an eerily calm position.

You squeezed your eyes shut as you chant.

“I’m in control. I’m in control. I’m in control.” you let out a slow breath.

“Dammit, it’s getting closer!” Quil says.

You squeeze your eyes harder before blinking them back open and think back to the fire. It didn’t get bigger until you became upset. You think it’s the same for the wind and water.

You think of Paul and only Paul. The fun times together. You think what would’ve happened had Paul came. He would’ve cracked jokes. He would’ve-

“Y/N. Look.”

You snap out of your head, the water was still. The wind was still. It was as if nothing ever happened.

Old Quil sat there with a smirk.

“Let’s go back to the land grandson.”

“A-Alright”. Quil says and he taps you to let you know to help him row the boat.

You help Old Quil off of the boat as you all reach the shore.

“Well, that was fun.” Old Quil says.

“Well, that was freaky.”

“You turn into a wolf. Let’s not talk about freaky.” you tell Quil.

You had to strain to hear, but you heard the quiet chuckles of Old Quil.

[sunnnypng]

NEW POST FROM @sunnnypng

damn you .. i was thinking too much and got an idea . the vibe is like her by tyler, the creator. reader is early 20's ( NONCON ) side note im writing this high > :]

banner from @/cafekitsune

thoughts of you filled up in his head. he was hard.. no fuck hard, that was an understatement he was throbbing - his cock throbbed through his pj's as he scrolled through pictures of you. mmm - you and those curves, how did he get those pictures ? nobody knows but what we do know is that he jerks off to them.

" shit, why ? " he asked himself, he felt disgusted in himself but oddly enough he couldn't stop. while you had no idea this was going on, every time you saw him around the office he would drop his head in guilt. ‘ i wonder if he doing alright .. ’ was your thought every time you saw him. you started to think that you might have done something wrong and to him you did. how he felt was all your fault — was it really ? of course not but because he had this hard-on whenever he saw you it started to become your fault.

“ hi, sir ! i have your finalized contracts ! ” your smile, your voice, and your body — his holy trinity was right in front of him “ thank you, sweet girl … could you put them away for me ? ” you smiled, walking around his desk to he locked files box. “ i can’t help but notice you’re struggling .. here i’ll help you ” he squeezed behind you to help you put it in the right container. ‘ i blame you for this .. oh gosh i can’t right now — not right now ‘ he told himself as he started to grow. “ sir ? is that — ” you were cut off by his hand over your mouth, “ i’m sorry i didn’t mean for this to happen … i’ve been having inappropriate thoughts about you — thoughts that are so bad i can’t even say them .. oh gosh the things i wanna do to you right here right now but i can’t because i dont wanna get caught but at the moment i dont care about getting caught all i care for is to see how nice your cunt feels. i went stalking and found some absolutely stunning photos of you that made me think, wow, i could do a lot of things to you — i could eat - gosh, your flesh, mm your flesh, or maybe i could sneak into your apartment late at night and fuck you in your sleep .. ”

you froze at his heavy breathing “ i know y/n i’m a vulgar man i know and im sorry but please stay right here for a bit longer ” too afraid to move you stood there as he slowly started to move his clothed cock on your ass. “ i’m a pervert , whenever you bend over to put files away i look under your skirt to see what panties you have on .. ”

his fingers slid under your skirt as you begged him to stop but your words fell on deaf ears — “ i know saying sorry won’t cut it .. oh gosh please forgive me ” his cold fingers were now playing with your cunt as he placed kisses on your neck. you felt dirty but the way his fingers brushed against your clit had you biting your lip “ let it out little one ” his voice was so soothing ‘ gosh i hate him ’.

[cherryblossms]

it only made sense, to garam at least, that he'd worry about disturbing anybody's peace. he was my boyfriend and i had to worry about annoying him. the words garam thought but didn't dare actually verbalizing. he'd already eluded to axel enough, he didn't want to directly speak of him and risk ruining the air between himself and angel right now. he was also afraid of angel possibly being hurt by the fact that garam was thinking about his ex in a moment like this. "just tell me if whatever i'm doing bothers you." at least if he found out early on, he'd know how not to behave going forward. "and i mean anything. if i snore too much when i'm asleep or if i chew too loud, talk too loud, or breathe too loud." the last one was a habit he only found himself doing when his focus was intense while gaming, something he had to break himself out of since it was commented on a lot pretty early on in his career. but outside of his fanbase, nobody else had found the sound of his breathing to be bothersome. it took him a moment to gather the courage to drop his hands from his face and, when he did, his cheeks were so red. he was beyond just embarrassed, especially after angel continued to question him. everything after good boy essentially went in one ear and out the other without his brain having the chance to process what was said to him. he was only pulled back to reality once the other tugged at his earlobe, a soft moan leaving his lips snaping his attention. then most of angel's words began to register, his brows beginning to furrow as he instantly moved his hands to his lap to provide himself what little coverage his hands could give. "you can't say things like that to me." he whispered, shaking his head. it just wasn't fair, anybody could get garam to do whatever they wanted with the smallest amount of appraisal. even if it wasn't necessarily in a sexual or physical context. his gaze dropped down to his own lap, brows furrowing even more as he grew frustrated with himself for getting turned on by those words; good boy. he really did want to eat breakfast with angel, he wanted to go out shopping together and just spend the day with him. but his body wanted something more than that, more than what was already given to him. garam looked back to up angel, doing all that he could not to look as desperate as felt he was to be touched by the man again. "i don't want you to think i'm some sex addict or anything like that, because i'm-i'm not." but how could anybody believe that when angel had gotten him hard, in some sense, three times now in less than a twenty four hour timeframe. maybe it was because it'd been such a long time since he felt excited for something as simple as physical touch, knowing that there was true emotion behind angel's words and his actions weren't driven by the desire to come by any means. "you've always been so careful with me, you've always gone out of your way to care for me. how am i not supposed to be turned on by you? emotionally—" he felt guilty, knowing that others could see that garam used angel emotionally before he had the chance to realize it, himself, "i'm so sorry for having done this to you. i mean, i'm sure you've had lovers in the mean time but waiting and watching the things i've done, how i've behaved, who i associated with... i'm not a good boy, i shouldn't be rewarded when i've been so bad." he slowly moved his hands away from his lap, letting them fall from his thighs to rest on top of the mattress on each side of his calves; his fingers grasping at the material below them. "we should eat," he blurted out, thinking if he changed the subject quick enough, angel wouldn't have a chance to process what he'd said and respond. "you're hungry and i'm hungry. and-and there's a lot i have to buy and i don't want to be out too late... you know, just in case." the last thing he wanted was to risk running into axel and have their day together ruined.

Hearing Garam ask him to join the hunt for warmer socks was enough to put him at ease. What Angel didn’t expect was the man’s full confession. He sat there quite with a blank stare. But because he wasn’t listening but more from shock. All of this was going on in his mind? Angel thought himself unable to fathom how Garam even functioned with all of that going on. However, he stayed completely silent until he seemed the man ran out of breath from his gasping. Angel’s eyes softened as he leaned forward and kissed the other man’s hands. “I’m sorry I wasn’t clear about my feelings. Each word followed with a soft kiss to Garam’s hands. “Since when do you care about annoying me? Garam you are my best friend first before anything else. That will never change.” Angel smiled as he moved closer looking at the way the man was sitting. Angel always found him cutest like this. So flustered and unsure, “I don’t regret what we did Garam. Not right now. I’m still working through some things. Some days I’m okay and some days it hard to get out of bed. But what I want you to focus on is how I feel about you. That is what I was trying to say earlier.” He continued wanting to cover everything Garam said. Angel wanted to show him he was listening and took all his words seriously. “Well baby, you made a rule and I made a rule. We have plenty of time to work up to that. What a beautiful mess you would make. Don’t be scared I’ll never do anything you are not comfortable with. And I’ll never do anything I don’t want to do. I appreciate you being worried for me but I’m a big boy. I’ll speak up for myself” Angel cooed putting his face inches from Haram’s hands, “please look at me baby, I want to see your handsome face” he whispered kissing his hands once more. Angel smirked as he leaned closer to the other man’s ear, “So you thought about me? What exactly did you picture Garam? You don’t think I want more of you? Hearing you moan for me, like the good boy you are?” He was having too much fun with this. How could he not get turned on by the way Garam was talking. However, he pulled back when the man invited him once again out with him shopping, “Tour deer really caught me by surprise. Just warn me next time they are freezing. But I would love to help you shop for anything you need. It’s still early we can cuddle some more…or you know I could go another round?” He grinned as he playfully bit the man’s ear lobe before pulling away. “After I can cook for us and we head out shopping. How does that sound?”

[distant--shadow]

Okay, I have three (3) thoughts about the state of cr's talkback shows atm and I've decided to write them in your ask box. Feel free to ignore:

I think the quality of the questions in the fireside chat was strongly linked to 4sd and, mainly, the tower of inquiry. As much as I like the idea of having a section where evergreen questions can be asked, they really lean towards the “what if the world was made of pudding?” genre of questions and I think that - combined with the attention that gets drawn to the questions by the Jenga game and the milque-toast-ness of the other questions on 4sd - has encouraged the fandom to discuss and focus on those questions more than we used to.

I also really miss the fact that talk machina had a presenter (who, for the sake of clarity, was fired for obvious reasons and I’m not, in any way, advocating for him to come back). The fact that both the presenter of 4sd and order of questions in the tower of inquiry and deep dive sections are random, means that whether the cast elaborate on their answers is up to chance. I feel like, with the cast being more detached from the fanbase than they used to (for good reason) there really should be someone on screen who knows what questions were answered in the past and can guide the conversation so that they don’t spend 10 minutes discussing “think about this AU” questions and then only give in-depth character analysis a single sentence before being distracted by a joke or running out of time. To be clear, this isn’t a criticism of the cast at all, you can’t both give really good, in-depth answers to questions while also coming up with your own follow-up questions and staying engaged in and shaping the discussion as a whole. I’d say Dani is the obvious pick for a presenter but I think her interests are more in the shippy/fanon side (which is fine, I’m not trying to police how anyone interacts with the show) so I’d prefer her questions to be interjections rather than the whole thing.

This campaign has had a significant percentage of it’s talkback shows taken up by overlap with other stuff (party splits, vox machina and the mighty nein getting their own eps, overlap with calamity and downfall etc.) and, in an ideal world, I’d want them to do separate that stuff out and do extra shows about that, rather than letting it eat into valuable question answering time for bells hells.

All this to say: if cr wants to make a talkback show specifically tailored to me, I'm down with them flying me out to America so I can host my new talkback show called “AU? No thank you!” where we exclusively talk about bells hells and all hypotheticals are banned. Nobody but me would enjoy it but I'm the main character of my story so...

appreciate you engaging and putting your thoughts out there via my inbox!

I agree with most of this, I can respect what they were trying with 4sd but yeah it did not deliver the meat that talks did, and I would love to have a simple discussion show like that back (at one point I would have suggested dani as host too, but if anything these fireside and 4sd eps have proven that she is way too fanon-brained/shipping inclined and I personally, can't stand when she interjects without being asked for an answer (though correcting lore is a different case and pretty much always appreciated))

I can deal with a little amount of what if the world was pudding type questions, but ultimately yeah, it does come across as "so what if we got a different story than the one you chose to give us?" there are cases when yeah maybe it wasn't as conscious as a decision or another factor where yeah, I would like to know the alternative, but i agree with ya there.

I will also say that yes, I do think the shape of the questions selected is in part to match the more laid back and goofy vibes of 4sd, the evergreen questions and such really are not a good choice and absolutely there wa sso much going on during this campaign that reaaaallly broke up the momentum (momentum which still managed to feel oppressive), but i would say I do also think an amount of it is just how modern fandom is, to sound like an old guy yelling at a cloud. so many things come into play here, parasocial stuff, attention spans, isolation and selfishness, populatiry contests within fandoms and how that births popular works/notions from fanon being perceived as canon law, etc etc.

as I keep saying, I want people to make, I want people to have fun, but it's a yeowch from me when that feeds back into the source material, or at least spin offs of it. I do think it is a case of both parties being somewhat guilty, ask baby questions get baby answers, if people engage with fanservice and it gets views then they're gonna cater to that because they need eyes on them to exist as a company. I'm really not the person to be doing the write ups about this, but i do think it's important to share my opinions on my most beloved piece of media, in some ways especially because I create so much "content" for it.

I've pretty much always felt like an outsider within fandom space, and whether that's because of what I want out of it, what I want to see for my favourite characters, or my behaviour, or my work - I don't know, but i do know that for years of watching this show I kept well away from the fandom space or even sharing my drawings caus I didn't want it to hinder my experience and enjoyment of watching, and when the stuff I've been trying to avoid is seeping it's way into the actual shows then yeah, it is something I wanna speak out on.

[balkanradfem]

Alright, this one is for all the people who read my 'spatula' and 'roommate emergency' posts. Because if you suffered trough those long whiny posts you deserve to know the insane continuation/ending to the story. Warning for high levels of drama and plot twists. Under cut because long.

So, after all of the emergency and spatula debakl, I was starting to feel slightly less warm to my roommate; not enough to be mean, but I decided to focus on my own stuff and not give her as much attention. We were still saying hi and casually chatting, but I wouldn't take food if she offered. She bought some fruit juice and told me to drink it, and I didn't wanna be mean so I just said 'you should drink it too', and ignored it. I will not be mollified with some fruit juice.

I felt happier focusing on myself, but I also started to get a little anxious, because what if the roommate gets mad at me, and then moves out? And then I thought, wait, that's an insane thought. Nobody moves out of a place because their roommate is a bit withdrawn and depressed, and doesn't give them tons of attention. Besides, I haven't done anything ever to cause her harm or distress, I'm just living my life and leaving her to hers. I'm fine.

So yesterday late evening, I went to the bathroom and noticed all of her shampoos and shower gels were missing, and immediately got worried about it. Why would she remove all her bathroom stuff, unless she is actually moving out? But she never said anything. It was already so late at night, I couldn't go bother her about it. It was 11 pm. I tried to not worry about it and fall asleep, but I couldn't. Thinking how maybe she's moving out, and then I'd be alone looking for a roommate in January when the bills are the worst, filled me with anxiety. How would I pay my rent? I heard her then, leaving her room and going into the bathroom. I made a split-second decision to get up and confront her about it. I needed to be sure.

I caught her in the hallway, and asked 'Hey, I saw you took all of your shampoos, are you leaving? If you're leaving I need to know.' She smiled at me and then reassured me that if she was leaving, she'd tell me. She then showed to me how a lot of her hair started falling out, and she thinks it's because of the shampoo, so she threw it away and now needs a new one. Oh okay, I thought, that's a relief. I told her thanks for explaining, and how I got so worried I couldn't sleep. She laughed at me for being silly and worrying, and I grumbled 'don't laugh at me' as I went back to my room and wished her a good night. She seemed so happy I talked to her, probably because I wasn't initiating any conversations lately.

Next morning, I woke up sad, so I was moping in my room, and at one point she stopped by my room asking if I was okay, and if I'm going to work. I replied weakly that I was fine (I wasn't, I was kinda sobbing and forgot my room door was open) and that I didn't have work that day. She said okay. I heard her leave.

After I calmed down from my sadness, I realized I needed to contact her employer, because she was supposed to pay her share of the bills, and even though I reminded her two days ago, she forgot, and I needed that money. I hate bothering people about money, so I just sent a little 'how about today?' message thinking that was friendly enough. Her employer responded with 'sure I'll send you the money via [roommate name], she still isn't at work.' I responded with 'she left, she should be there soon'.

And then I thought, maybe I was wrong when I heard her leave, so I got up, knocked on her door, and said her name to check if she was still there. No response. I pushed the door open.

My heart sank to the bottom of my feet.

The room was empty. The bed was empty. There was a mess on the floor but mostly trash. Her things were gone. Her clothes were gone. The key to the apartment was on the table.

I was immediately stricken with shock, and the realization that she lied to me yesterday, when I anxiously asked if she was leaving, she smiled and reassured me that she wasn't leaving while she was already packing her bags! But why?

I panicked then, thinking what I should do next. Was she okay? Was she safe? Did she go to a friend's place? Should I call her employer and check if she still went to work? But that's probably not what the roommate wanted, I needed to find her and ask her why, and what to tell to her employer, because I didn't know the right answer. I grabbed my bike and headed outside and tried to find her in the city.

No luck. After half an hour I understood too much time has passed, she could have been anywhere. She's left and cannot be found. I couldn't call her, because her phone doesn't have a real SIM card so calls don't work. I relented and called her employer to check if she was at work, and to try and find out what happened.

I needed to be calculated in order to get any kind of information, so I called and said 'Hi, just checking if [roommate's name] got to work safely?' And employer says 'No, she's still not at work'. So I go 'Did something happen yesterday? Something is wrong'.

Her employer was extremely evasive on what exactly happened. She started listing events like 'she wouldn't clean the windows, we had a media day yesterday and she had to talk to the cameras, she got mad about something, said she didn't want to work, that her head hurts, but wouldn't sign the form saying she's quitting, then she changed her mind and asked for a free day, but she already had two free days, she was unreasonable' it was a mumble-jumble of events I couldn't put together right. And then I finally told her that [roommate's name] is gone. She took her things and left the key. The employer didn't even seem that shocked. I was still in shock. I asked her to call me if she managed to get in contact.

I was still struggling to accept just what had happened. I then remembered that even though we never used it, at one point I added her on facebook, and maybe this could be our point of contact. I wanted to talk to her just one last time, to find out what happened at work that forced her to leave, and to say goodbye. I couldn't accept that she is just gone after all that, with no explanation, no goodbye.

I went to the park, connected to the internet and frevently searched for the little icon in my messenger. I found her. I sent her a message saying 'Hey, please tell me why you left. I won't bother you, I just need to know why.'

No response. She was online. I knew she saw it. But nothing.

I couldn't accept it. I tried calling her on facebook. She immediately blocked me.

I was left staring at my phone in disbelief. This was it. This was all I would ever get for closure. I'd never find out what had happened. Not from her employer, and not from her.

I felt heartbroken but at the same time had no time to deal with the emotional impact, because I had incoming panic about rent and bills! Her employer would definitely not want to pay her dues now that she was not even living there anymore, and I needed a roommate to stay afloat. Then I remembered, there was one person who viewed the apartment a month ago and wanted to move in, but wanted a solitary room – maybe she'd be interested in it still, since solitary room was now free.

I took my luck and called the woman. After I'd explained who I was and why I was calling, she was delighted. 'I thought about you every day!' she said excitedly. As a lesbian, I love a woman saying that to me, but, it was not the time. She's a 60yo divorced straight lady and I have to keep it together. She said she would move in tomorrow evening, and I said okay, not believing her fully because honestly who can you believe? 'I would tell you if I was leaving' was still ringing in my ears.

I knew now what I needed to do. Go home and... clean out the apartment.

It was as sad as you can imagine. I had to take down the christmas decorations that we had put up together, because the new person would surely find it odd to see a christmas tree at the end of January, and I just think it's nice so why take it down. I had to go clean out roommate's room, which had a fair amount of trash in it, and I realized, some stuff from her work, the key to her workplace, her working clothes. I understood I'd have to return those to her employer, who later called me to ask about it. I said I would bring it immediately.

Her employer wanted to talk to me, but only to convince me that the roommate was a lazy, messy, unmotivated and disobedient slob, which I didn't believe. I knew this lady was abusive and mean to my roommate and likely the reason roommate left. She was trying to paint my roommate as the villain so badly because she wanted to cover up her own abuse. I didn't believe any of it and I left. She didn't give me any money for bills. She promised to give it later.

I went home, and continued with my cleaning journey. I found some interesting things my roommate left behind. She left some random food items, like some oil and pasta, and then one transparent produce bag filled with something white. Rice, I thought? It was salt. Then, while clearing out her table, I found 3 pens, and realized all three were mine. Later I found a 4th pen, also mine. There was also some stationary paper from my desk. This explained why I could no longer find a pen in my room, they were all somehow ending up here. But I never invited her to just take my pens? It seems that every time she needed to write something down, she'd take a different pen from my desk, and never returned any. Well, that's not a horrible crime, I thought, it's just pens. None of them worked anymore, even though I made sure to only keep working pens on my desk.

I thought about what her employer said, about her being messy and leaving stuff everywhere, and even though I argued back and said to her my roommate was nice, some of it didn't feel so true anymore. She was leaving stuff everywhere, and created lots of messes. The first week she arrived we cleaned together, but that was the last time she cleaned. Every other time it was me cleaning alone. And she would sometimes spill stuff on the floor, or on the stovetop, and leave it. Or leave all counters cluttered to the point where I had to move her stuff before using them. But I thought she was just too busy to pay attention to things like that. Then while cleaning I found one of my fanciest kitchen cloths, with several holes burned trough it. That is a bit too chaotic, I thought. Why must you burn my cloth?

I was riddled with a lack of understanding of what happened; how could she have been here in the morning, talked to me like everything was okay, and now I will never see her again in my life, and never know why? Why would she do that? I have in the past, helped roommates flee from abusive situations, and if they had to quickly move, I would help them pack, lie to their abusers for them, hide their stuff they couldn't take with, so they could come get it later. Why would she find me unsafe to tell the truth to? I would have helped. I would have told her employer whatever she wanted me to. I've been on her side and advocating for her from the start. I convinced the employer when she was sick to let her off work, I held her hand when her eyes were sick, I bought her medicine, I offered to go anywhere and everywhere with her to translate and speak on her behalf when she needed anything. It couldn't have been just because I was moody and sad for a few days. I couldn't understand it.

The only reasons I could think of why she did that, was either she was worried I'd be mad she's leaving, worried I'd try to stop or follow her (which I wouldn't), or someone else instructed her on what to do and they spelled out to her to tell nobody.

The lady who wanted to move in called me again, and said she actually wanted to come and sleep here the same evening, and I now only had a few hours to clean everything out. I was exhausted, shaken, emotioanlly in shambles. But I washed all the windows, cleaned the fridge, washed the furniture and the floor, changed all the decor, put my spare cover and fresh bedding in the other room so the new roommate could sleep there without having to buy anything. The new lady has a list of red flags on her too; some of her behaviour is what I wouldn't want in a roommate, however, what choice do I have. I welcomed her, made her tea, explained all the rules, and then witdrew to my room to eat some peanut butter because I had forgotten to eat all day due to stress and shock.

And then I wrote this down! It's still the same day as I'm writing it. I talked to my roommate in the morning and now a new person I don't know is in that room, and I'm still stunned. What on earth happened today? I still want a phone call with an explanation. I didn't deserve to be left like that. I can't make out what to think of her now, this has never happened to me before. I had people leave on short notice, but never secretly, never while lying to me about what they're doing.

I still feel like she'll come here any second! Like I'll hear her voice again saying hi and how are you. But I never will again. It feels so weird. I'm both sad and relieved. She must be in a better place, far from her employer and with her friends who understand her and can help her find a better job. I'm relieved she's probably safer. But I'm sad about not getting a goodbye. Sad about being blocked, when all I wanted was an explanation. Sad about 'I would tell you if I was leaving'. How many times in life do you get anxious, then reassured that you're worrying for nothing, but then the anxiety turns out to be correct and the person purposefully lied? That doesn't bode well for future references.

I can't figure out if she was a nice person, and there were good reasons warranting her leaving like this, or whether I just misjudged her.

So yeah, unsatisfying as it is, this is the end of my Nepali roommate era, we sure had,,, times, and it sure did, end. I would like to apply for the drama free life from now on please.

[mylittleredgirl]

all right! who wants my chrysalis device theories?

i've been pondering the way alisa says this for a while now. i think it's not just that she has never used this word because she lives in space and hasn't been to school since age 12.

i think delenn may not know what it means either. what if "chrysalis" is a proper noun in minbari, the name of the device and nothing else?

it's an english loanword, but one that valen didn't otherwise translate. he's a mysterious guy, and he's not going to tell them too much because revealing his origin would defeat the purpose of transmogrifying in the first place. there's some kind of religious mythology around it or delenn wouldn't know what to do, but presumably nobody has seen the process happen or gone through it in the thousand intervening years.

the minbari don't really know what the device does. delenn knows that she'll either be changed in some way or die ("speak well of me when i'm gone"), but she looks surprised (and terrified) when the device starts spitting out cocoon threads as soon as she adds the triluminary to it. lennier doesn't know what's happening to her in there, and neither of them know what she is when she first emerges.

--

i also find it fascinating that while there's a lot of sacred mystery around the triluminaries, and minbari loooove secrets in general, there's no attempt to hide the rest of the device.

delenn starts playing with it long before she gets the triluminary in hand. she adds pieces to it in front of sinclair, and it's left out in her quarters in plain view of both aliens and other minbari.

i thought for a long time about whether valen left thousand-year-old ikea instructions about exactly how this thing fits together, but i don't think so. we see it arranged on different surfaces in a few configurations in the background of other scenes, so either there's some creativity to it, like a mandala or zen garden, or it's a 3D jigsaw puzzle that makes sense to minbari minds. either way, these can't be the same triangles that valen touched, or she would never handle them so casually.

my theory is that it's a meditative puzzle that isn't unique, and may even be a common decorative activity in religious caste homes. maybe even with a little ceremonial (but not real) triluminary-like triangle to put on top when you're done! if that practice was also a Gift From Valen, it's one way to ensure that both the materials and the knowledge remain available through the generations.

--

and a bonus thought: how did sinclair know how to put it together later on? zathras could have done it for him, but it seems kind of spiritually important to do it yourself. did he learn it on minbar as a meditation technique? did he learn it from her out of context??

[average-mako-enjoyer]

I keep thinking about Kaidan's character arc and how important his struggle with survivor's guilt is to it.

The whole trilogy literally begins with him losing his subordinate (Jenkins) for the first time, and it obviously hits him hard.

Kaidan is the head of the Marine detail on the Normandy, which means that every Marine on board, their safety and comfort is his responsibility. Sure, the Normandy is the new ship, but you can't just put a bunch of people on board and sail them off on their first mission. It takes a lot of preparation and team building to make that work, so realistically, before Jenkins' death, Kaidan spent weeks and weeks with these guys, trying to make a connection and get them to trust him (with their lives).

He spent every day of the week with these guys, and he was the one who comforted them after Jenkins' death, both as their officer and as someone who was present when Jenkins was killed and as someone who literally pronounced him dead. The whole brunt of this fell on Kaidan's shoulders because Shepard was unconscious after the contact with the beacon, and that's another reason for Kaidan to feel terrible about the whole event: He not only lost his subordinate during this mission, he almost lost his commanding officer, and now he has to explain it all to Anderson and the crew. It's brutal.

Also, the way he talks about the whole event afterwards is very telling. He says: "I served for years, but never lost a soldier under my command. Not to hostile action, anyway." There's a trauma here. What kind of action did you lose soldiers to, Kaidan?

And after all that, he loses Ashley, who is also a soldier under his command, and also Jenkins' replacement on board.

Kaidan asks, "How could we just leave her down there?" and "Why me? Why not her?" And when Shepard says it was their call, Kaidan says, "If I had done my job, you wouldn’t have had to make that call."

He blames himself for this situation, he feels survivor's guilt, and you can only imagine how much worse it gets when Shepard tells him to evacuate with the crew after the Normandy is attacked by the Collectors. Kaidan follows that order and survives. Shepard does not.

In ME2, that same guilt is absolutely part of why Shepard's betrayal hurts him so much. Not only because Kaidan (or Ashley), unlike every other ME1 squadmate, actively went looking for Shepard and made a lot of personal sacrifices to make that meeting possible (I need to write a separate post about that, don't I?), not only because Kaidan is apparently not worthy enough to be contacted by Shepard, but also because Kaidan did not protect Shepard, and now Shepard is with the enemy.

And then ME3 happens, and Kaidan's students go MIA, and they die, and he has to deal with that same guilt again. I feel very strongly that all these years after Shepard's death, he has tried to do his job well enough so that nobody has to make tough calls, but this war is just one big tough call, and he tries to deal with that fact, and he struggles terribly (especially in the deleted scene).

Kaidan's whole journey through the Reaper War is about trying to deal with the absolute loss of control and the guilt. He didn't save Jenkins, he didn't save Ash, he didn't save Shepard's life, and he didn't save Shepard from Cerberus, and he didn't help Shepard with the Collectors.

And now he can't help his students, and he can't even help his mother, but maybe he can finally help Shepard and be there for Shepard in their last moments, and he comes to terms with that ("We both know this is goodbye."; oh, the way his voice breaks in that moment...). But then Shepard leaves him again, and there's nothing Kaidan can do about it. Absolutely nothing.

Ouch.

[scrumptiousstuffs]

hiii scrumptious!! i miss sending u asks

can i ask for a analysis of firstkhaotung’s kisses we’ve got so far? which is your favourite and why is your favourite, we need tongueeee

Anon!!!! Why must you torture me with this ask??? 😫😫��� (torture me more, I love talking about FK and their kisses 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️)

But, how do you expect me to choose my favourite FK kisses?? Do you know how challenging this asked was? And I can’t possibly do an analysis of all their kisses - Our Skyy 2 alone had more than 20 kisses? (I think)… I will have to write a thesis if I want to analyse every single kisses. I was this close 🤏 to binge watch all their series but alas…I have bills to pay and a fur-baby to feed.

So….instead, I think back to their kisses that sticks in my mind ? - it must make me feel something emotionally when I watched them (and that’s difficult cause FK is so damn good with their intimacy and NC scenes I had to think hard to narrow down my choices)

Without further ado, my top 5 list (list is only current as of The Heart Killers EP9):

No 5: Only Friends EP 2 smoky kiss plus Sand kissing Ray’s left hip tattoo

- Do I like people who smoke? No. But this was cinematic anyway. It was artistic (to me) and you could feel the sexual tension screaming from miles away. And when they gave in to their attraction, the chemistry was off the chart and Sand worshipping Ray’s tattoo was just pure magic 🪄

No 4: Only Friends EP 9 caravan scene (especially the soft, soft kiss Ray bestowed on Sand’s cheek after they have done their tango in bed 🤸)

- The softness of the whole scene was beautiful to watch. There was something pure and personal as we watch these 2 finally coming to terms about their feelings for each other.

No 3: Our Skyy 2 x The Eclipse bridge scene

-The whole scene had me giggling and kicking my legs in excitement. The boys kissing with the sun setting behind them was just.....😍😍😍

-And people talking about tongue involvement? - I am sure there were some tongue action here (also, tell me anon, why are people so invested in tongue-action? I mean i don't mind them but I am not going to fuss if FK's characters don't do them each time!)

No 2: The Eclipse Finale with Akk bestowing the soft pecks/kisses on Aye’s face

- I will always have a soft spot for my babies. As much as I adore all of FirstKhaotung characters, AkkAye have a special place in my heart. And because I can, I’m putting the whole video clip of the scene rather than gifs or screenshots 🥰

- There is something special about this scene where Akk was finally the one that made the first move; initiating the hug followed by the soft kisses. The awe and disbelief in Aye’s eyes before it shifted to soft delight and slight mischievous as he then reciprocate Akk’s gesture. I think we often forget that Aye is just as young and vulnerable like Akk. And to see Akk finally reaching out to Aye just made my heart melt 🫠

No 1: The Heart Killers EP 8 swing scene

-I love the whole damn thing - from the nuzzling to Kant sniffing Bison’s hair like he wants to imprint him to his soul to Kant gently biting Bison’s nose before they continued their heady make out session.

- This whole thing was just peak intimacy 👌. Nobody does it better than them. Their feelings laid bare, Kant is now free to be as disgustingly affectionate and loving like he always wanted to be. It’s just so so good. Also, let’s be honest, we know KantBison would continue to make out for hours on that swing.

Honourable mentions:

The Eclipse EP6 Akk fantasy kiss

*I remember watching this scene and thought - oh, Aye finally made the move. But then to find out it was all in Akk's mind???? It flipped the narrative and it made me realised that this was likely the first time we saw from Akk's perspective that he is stupidly horny for the irritating boy who keeps him on his toes

Only Friends EP9 angry-lust driven kiss in the music room

*This was just a good kiss because you can feel the anger from Sand but he was so in love with Ray that he can't help but give it. Ray as usual, clocked it and he pounced! And the sheer amount of lust pouring out of these 2....I cursed when Top stepped into the room

The Heart Killers Ep 9 KantBison sweet pecks in the sea

*KantBison making sweet memories to replace Kant's nightmare and phobia will hold something special to my heart (does it make sense for Kant to completely forget his fear? - not really, but I will forgive the narrative because I get my domestic KantBison!)

Plus…..

FirstKhaotung sweet kisses in My Fuel MV (because we didn’t get Alan/Gaipa or Alone/Kaitong kissing - I’m going to substitute with the clip we got from First’s MV and just think it’s Alan/Gaipa in them, ok?)

*Those jubi jubi kisses are giving me butterflies and I can't stop smiling every time I rewatch the MV!

[kallietell]

POV: Your Feeder Forces You to Admit How Fat You're Getting

Hey babe, are you almost ready to go? We’re about to be…oh shit. Oh my god.

What do we have here?

Look at you. Just look at yourself. Poor little fat girl thought she could squeeze into the clothes that fit her before she became such a greedy, insatiable glutton. Before she finally gave in to those sick secret desires she always had and started letting herself indulge. You promised it was just a little bit, but this doesn't look like a little bit. This looks like a pile of lard who still thinks she can cram her bulging rolls into jeans that stopped fitting 40 pounds ago. 

Did you actually think those jeans would fit? I mean, look at the way you’re jiggling just trying to work them up your thighs, did you actually think there was a chance they'd button over all that gut? That swollen, wobbling, overfed gut. You’re getting so fat. All your greed is so obvious, all over your body. It's always obvious. How much bigger you’re getting, how tight your clothes are, how much you eat every day. You just eat and eat and eat until you’re gonna pop, don’t you? But you think you can hide it. You think you can cover it all up with those too-small clothes that are straining to keep all that lard at bay. 

Have you noticed that? Have you noticed how you still dress like you can hide what you are? You can't hide, piggy. Not from me, and not from anyone. And you especially can't hide behind clothes this small. 

Let me see, stand up. 

You fat pig. 

Look at the way your love handles bulge over the waistband of your panties. Those panties are so tight too, there's really nothing you own that fits you, huh? 

No? 

You disagree? How can you disagree when I'm standing in front of you watching you get out of breath just from trying to get your jeans on. Look at how much your body jiggles with each movement. I can't believe you actually let yourself go like this. I can't believe you let your desires turn you into a silly, mindless little farm animal getting fattened up for the slaughter.

I may have introduced you to all this, but I didn't do this to you. I just wanted you a little chubby. You’re the one that stuffed her face like a greedy hippo every day until you’re fat enough to crack a chair. Fat enough to blow out the seams of whatever you’re trying to force over all that swollen blubber. 

No, no, don't stop trying to get those pants up. I wanna watch the show. The spectacle. 

That's what you’ve turned yourself into, huh baby? A spectacle. A fatty, swollen mess that’s too big to fly under the radar. A sideshow freak that nobody can look away from. People are amazed. Horrified too, but genuinely amazed. How you made yourself so fat so quickly, how you could possibly think waddling outside in clothes a few pounds away from ripping off your body was a good idea. 

You know what the funny thing is? They think you know just how far gone you are. They think you know how fat you’ve made yourself. They assume there's no way you could be oblivious to just how wide you’ve gotten, just how far that belly protrudes out and how much that lower roll jiggles as it pokes out of the bottom on your t-shirts. 

You used to dress so cute before all this. You were always in those adorable tights with the designs and those little shorts skirts, you had an actual sense of style. Now you just squeeze your growing body into whatever mismatched sweatpants and t-shirts can actually accommodate all the weight you’ve put on. It's like you’ve completely given up on living a normal life and instead dedicated yourself fully to blowing up into an unrecognizable pig. That's what everyone thinks anyway. And you’re just the naive, dumb little thing who thinks her lackluster disguise is still working. Who thinks that no one can see just how tight everything is getting, who thinks no one notices when she has to unbutton her pants after shoving her face full in public. 

You’re in denial. 

You’re in denial about how fat you got. How can you be in denial when I know you feel all that heavy blubber hanging off your body every day? How can you be in denial when you eat triple the amount you used to? When you get stares every time you’re in a restaurant because of how much of a pig you’ve made of yourself? How can you be in denial when you can’t even see your toes anymore? When you have to suck in that flabby, wobbling mound of a belly and lay on your back just to have a chance of fitting into a pair of jeans?

It's almost funny. How much of a food-addicted pig do you have to be for your denial to outweigh your fat ass? 

No no, don't sit down. Keep struggling and jiggling for me, keep trying. 

I know you’re tired. But this is your consequence. 

This is what you deserve for eating yourself into the size of a fucking house. You porky pig. I bet you’re hungry right now, huh? I bet you’re thinking about stuffing your face even while I tease you for getting so big. I bet you’re thinking about what you’re gonna eat when this is all over. 

What? 

Did I hit a nerve? Am I right? Does all of this just make you wanna eat and eat and eat until you can't move? 

Of course it does. Everything does. 

All that denial isn't good for you. It's just gonna make you get bigger. And like I said, nobody knows that you’re refusing to acknowledge how much weight you’ve put on. Nobody knows that you still see yourself as a thin, fit girl, that you actually think the clothes you force onto your overfed body fit you well enough to get by. They think you’re a greedy, sloppy fatass who can't control herself. They think you’re just a gluttonous pig that can't stop putting it away, that you’re more concerned with your next meal than your health. And they're not wrong. 

Are they? 

Don’t just nod, say it out loud. Say they aren't wrong. Say you’ve become a greedy pig too dumb to think about anything but her next meal. 

You don't wanna say it? 

But baby, I can see it. I see it all over you, I see it whenever you waddle into a room. You’re getting so heavy. Those thighs are getting so thick and swollen and your arms just keep getting flabbier, it's like every part of your body has been inflated with lard. That belly pushes out further and further every day and you just let it. You don't even try anymore, all you ever do is eat. 

I wanna get you on the scale. I wanna see how hot and red your face gets when I force you to push all that belly back with your tubby little hands and read the number out loud. Denial will get pretty tricky then, won’t it? It won't be so easy to pretend that you’re just bloated or that you’ve just put on a few. It won’t be so easy to avoid looking into the mirror to see the way your waistband digs into your rolls of fat and leaves angry red lines across your spherical gut. 

It won’t be so easy to keep eating until you can’t breathe every night when you actually have to admit what you’ve done to yourself. 

Nice try, love. It is what you’ve done. Trying to blame me for the fact that you’ve blimped yourself into a pile of blubber waddling around in clothes so tight you look like a stuffed sausage doesn’t change the facts. I may have started this, but you’re the one who can’t stop. You’re the one who eats until they can’t get off the couch every night, you're the one who took every feeding and stuffing further than I did. You’re the one who was secretly stuffing your face night after night when I went to sleep. 

Yea. 

I bet you thought I didn't know about that. 

I bet you thought you were actually doing a good job of hiding what a whale you were becoming. 

You’d come back to bed at three in the morning with a gut so bloated you couldn't help but moan, and you think I had no idea? Every night I could hear you gorging yourself and burping non stop. Just smacking and slapping that gut to force out burp after burp just so you can have enough room to shove down more takeout. 

I watched you a couple times, you know. You’re so loud I could already hear the whole thing, so I thought, why not? You would've been so humiliated to know how much of a pig you made of yourself. I know you eat nonstop, but when you’re in front of people you have at least a hint of decorum, a modicum of adherence to table manners. You stuff your face, but at least you’re a normal human being. Not when you’re alone. When you’re alone, you turn into a literal pig. A porky little pig feasting on slop. 

You’re the fattest piggy on the farm, aren't you? 

Aren't you baby? 

Say it. Tell me what a fat piggy you are. 

That's right. 

Watching you was almost kinda disturbing. You were completely insatiable. It was like you were in a trance, just cramming more and more food down your throat by the fistful. You’ve turned into an addict. 

We're gonna have to sign you up for Overeaters Anonymous, won’t we? After we get you some more clothes. That would be fun. Making you stand up in front of everyone and admit how quickly you got so big. Making you recount all your meals for the previous day with the calorie counts included so everyone can know that you’re at least a pound fatter than you were the day before. 

Even in a room of piggies so fat they need rehab, you’d still be the biggest, jiggliest, greediest piggy there. You’d make the other fatties feel better about themselves. They’d think.......

*I hope you enjoyed this snippet of my latest weight gain POV! For the full 3,000 word story or the full audio version of this story you can check out my Patreon! I have a ton of tiers for whatever you may be looking for, and you can find weight gain stories, weight gain series, weight gain POVs, weight gain audios, personalized weight gain commissions, and more:) Thanks so much for reading!!*

patreon.com/KallieTell

[ashleyrowanthewriter]

The News - Life and Times of Ashley the Crow (Crow HRT 6)

Previous

*************

Whenever a prominent and famous otherkin announces that they decide to transition into their species completely, and especially after they finish the process, it becomes the number one hot topic among the community. That was such a day.

"So they really made it through?" Arja said, looking into the sky.

"Yes. Half the fan base is in chaos."

"Lucky them. I wonder where they are now."

"Nobody's really sure. I bet on some lonely cave in the mountains."

Something about the clouds that day felt fervent that day. The world opened a new chapter.

"You know, they were a very big figure. A lot is going on. It feels like the greatest debate in the world."

"It really seems to dislike the idea of discarding your humanity just like that."

"It always tries to stop social changes. Individual, collective, one dog."

"So how loud are those who think it's suicide of the mind?"

"Greatly."

Arja sighed. "I fucking knew it."

"But other sides are getting believers too."

"And what do you think?"

"That you're still yourself. It's just your behaviour that aligns with your body."

"That's a nice way of looking at it."

"That's what the most proves point to."

Our talk brought my mind to a topic I wanted to move for a long time.

"Arja, do you want to go all the way?"

"Would you miss me?"

"Maybe. But I would root for you and appreciate our time together."

"Even if I had to go to a lonely cave in the mountains?"

"Yes, I'd get ready for that."

"Aw, that's sweet. But no, I'd much prefer to go for hybridisation."

"I see. Then I guess you're close. You'll be mighty, I'm sure."

"Thank you, sweetheart." Arja made a pause. She wasn't sure whether or not she wanted to ask her question. "Hey, if you could do it then how far would you go? Don't answer if you're not comfortable."

"All the way."

"Really?"

"Don't tell me there were no signs."

"I mean, there were. But with how much you like to write I wasn't sure."

"I think talons and the beak are enough to use a keyboard."

I quickly realised I wasn't telling Arja the entire truth. I knew that I should be more honest.

"Well, that's what I would like to say."

"It's not just about that. My body takes anything medical worse and worse recently. I'm afraid that if I tried to do it it would destroy me. And I'm not even talking about my heart anymore."

"Eh, as if it all couldn't leave you."

"Yeah."

"But didn't you got through much tougher stuff?"

"Last time I had new complications."

"And would you like Her to win?"

I knew who Arja referred to as Her. If you are in the otherkin community you have for sure heard about a particular writer. One that really wants us gone. One that I swore to one day be better than.

"True. I can let a lot of people win, but not Her."

"Now that's the Ashley I know."

"Hey one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"Would you like me to be your pet?"

"I don't think one can keep crows."

"Well, that sucks. And I guess that's another reason why I don't know anymore."

"Hey, we can still be friends. I can leave you fruits in a feeder."

"Thanks. I don't know what I could do for you though."

"Oh, just peck on the uninvited guests."

"And without violence?"

"I'm sure you'll figure something out."

*************

My crow cooldown has ended and here I go. I wanted to write about something else and less emotionally, but I changed my plans after I saw the last page from @ayviedoesthings . I think half the community did.

Also, for those who are like me and have a hard time learning idioms, "one dog" means roughly "there's no difference" and I encountered it in Polish.

Aha. Maybe there's a good reason why you can't adopt crows in many regions of the world, but not for a constitutional homo marriage ban. Caw with me if you agree.