#NO NEVER RE-INJECT ARE YOU STUPID?????

[plaidpyjamas]

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[hope-you-brought-kneepads-bitch]

Killing Wanda Pt 3

Summary: You couldn’t figure out what to do, you’d gone from seducing Wanda to basically bullying her and leaving her with a confused Yelena, you couldn’t think straight and just wanted to forget things, why did you have to be attracted to some hot redhead that you had to kill? It really puts a dent into trying to bed hot women and kill people in between.

Words: 3,000 (or so, probably more)

Warnings: 18+ only Minors DNI, sexual innuendos On Carols part because she’s desperate in this (sorry 😬) angst and upset Wanda and confused Y/n

A/n: Oh you thought I forgot about killing Wanda? Never! I’ve re written this about 4 times so that’s why it took so long sorry 😬 I need to post it, it’s good I like it but I keep putting it off but here it is! As usual any mistakes are my own and I’m gonna stop making my chapters so long because honestly I lose track of what I’ve said 😂

Forget what you said about walking in the dark, you hated it, hated the noisy animals, hated the wind in the trees, stupid trees, again you reached your destination at another door, why were you walking so much now? And why was your side hurting??. Oh right you got shot, anyway not the point

You banged on the door waiting for Maria to open it, when she finally did you stormed past the poor woman and fetched some whisky from the liquor cabinet. But before you could drink it it was snatched out of your hands by Natasha “didn’t your mother teach you any manners?”

You scoffed “wouldn’t know Natty never knew my mother, just a man and woman who moulded me into an assassin then made me move in with two Russian women with anger issues”

You tried grabbing the bottle but a pair of hands grabbed you and pulled you down onto the chair making you shout in pain from your side “fuck off Maria why’d you do that??!”

You tried wriggling away but the woman wouldn’t let up “why do you have dried blood all over your shirt?”

She finally let you go and your curled up on your side trying to ease the pain that was returning “didn’t Yelena tell you guys? She normally does”

Nat rolled her eyes giving Maria the bottle to put away and looked back to you “she did tell us, she also sent a text recently saying you told her to take Wanda to the safe house and not to speak to her at all until you got back”

“Oh good I don’t have to recap everything then” Maria returned with a syringe full of something and you jumped up backing off “what’s in there? Are you gonna sedate me? You can’t do that without my permission you know”

Nat wrapped her arm around your neck from behind surprising you and holding you in place while Maria lifted your shirt and injected the area around your wound, after a couple of minutes the pain stopped and you relaxed feeling pain free again

“Feel better?” Natasha relaxed her hold on you and kissed your cheek you didn’t respond so she just dropped you letting you stand on your own

“Yel also texted about Wanda crying her eyes out” you paused sighing and holding your head in your hands “want to explain that?”

“Why do I need to? She’s a target like you said, targets don’t get sympathy” turning around you went to the front room slumping down onto the couch and closing your eyes

Natasha followed close holding her phone reading the text message from Yelena out loud

“Bozhe moy Sestra I don’t know what Y/n said to this girl but she’s crying her eyes out in my car I just got my seats cleaned!

She said Y/n told her the threat for her life wasn’t real and the shooter was planned and that Y/n owns Wanda and she needs to stay at the safe house for her own protection against Y/n because she’s pissed off, silly if you ask me, Y/n was basically writing love letter to the woman”

Natasha rattled off the messages while Maria tried comforting you sitting next to you rubbing your shoulders “come on bunny tell your mommy what’s wrong, daddy and I are here to listen”

You held back the vomit in your throat when you lifted your head glaring at the woman “never and I mean never speak like that again, I don’t like your sweet and soft innocent act it’s so fucking strange”

She laughed “yeah sure okay, I was just trying to make you smile, so tell us why you’ve done a complete 180 about this woman”

You sat up sighing “I’d gotten shot, but the position the shooter was in and where they shot from it should’ve been for Wanda, if she was standing it would’ve gone straight through her forehead, Maria it was for Wanda and I know it’s from the people who want her dead and I’m taking too long, that’s why I switched up on her and I needed her to think I was lying about the whole thing so it didn’t stress her out more”

“Okay” Maria said holding your hands “I need to tell you that with all the love in the world you’re an absolute idiot”

Natasha laughed out loud and covered her mouth holding in anymore laughs while you blushed in embarrassment “what? Why am I an idiot??”

“You scared the poor woman, plus according to those text messages you also threatened her pretty harshly apparently”

You scoffed jumping up from the couch and barging into Nat who wouldn’t let you past “I don’t think so Y/n”

You pushed back against her “what the hell do you care?! You pushed a knife into her throat nearly killing her!”

You jabbed her in the chest with your finger and Nat grabbed it bending it back making you yell out “yes I did I also had you behind me with a pistol in the back of my head and you were so close to pulling the trigger I felt it, I felt all the emotion you had holding the gun, so don’t you dare try and tell us you don’t care about Wanda”

She let go of your finger watching you hold it gently and bending it back into place “so? Are you gonna say anything?”

“I’m going to get drunk, you two are boring”

You pushed past the woman ignoring Maria trying to shout for you and took off into the city “I swear to god I need better friends”

*********************************************************

“Lady Y/n! Here to waste your life away again?” The man behind the bar called Thor hadn’t seen you for weeks and obviously he missed you “yeah whatever hi Thor, give me my usual”

“Of course! Anything for my favourite murderer!” He was so much larger than life with no indoor voice “Thor! Will you shut the fuck up about things like that, you’re gonna get me jailed”

You slid onto a bar stool at the end of the bar accepting the whiskey given to you, how cliche of you, a depressed assassin drinking whisky in a dingy bar “don’t look now Y/n but your fling just walked into the bar” the man gestured behind you but you didn’t even need to turn around to know who it was, her strong frilly perfume invaded your nose well before she entered to bar

“Hey kitten” she hovered over you from behind purring into your ear her greeting “I’ve missed you, my toys don’t satisfy me like you do, how about you come home with me” you shrugged the woman off and turned around in the chair “Sharon you’re so desperate it’s embarrassing, no I don’t want to fuck you, you’ve probably slept with everything that has a pulse like the whore you are, so fuck off and leave me alone”

You knew she didn’t listen, she likes being degraded, a bit deranged actually if you thought about it

“You’re so hot when you’re angry, I’ve missed it” she started kissing your neck and wrapping her arms around your waist as you finished off your whiskey trying to ignore her kisses getting heavier “you’re like a damn dog in heat it’s so embarrassing”

“Come on baby please? I’ll do whatever you I’ve just missed your body so much, you’re the only one who uses knives too”

“I use knives because it shuts you up and lets me finish without your annoying voice”

“I promise I won’t say a word, you can tape my mouth shut for all I care I promise I won’t make a sound”

You rolled your eyes glancing up at Thor looking disappointed in Sharon’s desperation and that made you laugh actually “fine Sharon, I’ve had a rough day though so you better keep your promise about keeping shut”

You stood up from the bar stool but Sharon gave you no chance for much else when she jumped into your arms wrapping her legs and arms around you kissing your face all over “I promise I promise I’ll be quiet, I’ll even ask permission to cum because I know you like that”

You groaned holding onto the woman so she didn’t fall and made your way out of the bar throwing Thor money for the drink “enjoy your night lady Y/n!”

******************************************************

Wanda hadn’t said much since she and Yelena arrived at the safe house, she only thanked Yelena for the dinner of macaroni and cheese then sat on the couch just staring at the wall, sometimes she would cry for a while then go quiet and Yelena wasn’t too sure of what to do

“Hey Wanda, did you know the human body is mostly water? That’s cool right?”

Wanda shrugged “maybe if I keep crying then I’ll eventually run out of water and die”

Yelena was shocked, that was a little dramatic, even for an assassin to hear, at least she was talking though that was something she guessed “sure sure that’s something to say I guess, soooo what-

“Is there someone after me?” She cut Yelena off which she thought was very rude but she guessed after everything she’d been through she’d give Wanda some leeway

“Why do you ask?”

“Just tell me?” She simply asked

“Whatever Y/n told you is the truth, she says she lied then she lied obviously, I don’t know anything” her reply was cold but she didn’t want to give away much and cause trouble

“Cut the bullshit Yelena you tell me the truth right now!” Yelena opened and closed her mouth a couple of times trying to rack her brain for something to say when a shot rang out and she found herself clutching her shoulder “I hate being shot at!” She jumped behind a wall and watched for Wanda who didn’t move

“Are you stupid Wanda?! Get down!” She tried reaching out for the woman to pull her down but Wanda just moved closer to where the bullets were coming from “what’s the point Yelena? If the threats fake they won’t hit me and if they’re real they will, either way I’ll find out the truth!”

Yelena couldn’t believe it, what the fuck was going on?? God she’s gonna have to save the suicidal idiot

“Fine!” Yelena jumped back up earning another shot in her side to push Wanda behind the couch hiding them both unfortunately she wasn’t as quick as she thought hearing Wanda yell out as she tackled her to the floor

“Did they get you in the arm?” Wanda nodded “yeah but I’m okay”

Yelena rolled her eyes “you won’t be if you keep ignoring me, now stay down or I swear to satan himself I’ll kill you slowly and painfully”

Wanda nodded keeping her mouth shut and closing her eyes to wait out the shots firing through the house.

*********************************************************

“That was amazing, you’re so good” Sharon’s mumbling went unanswered as you put your clothes back and picked up your things to leave, but you weren’t a man so you did go back to Sharon and kissed her softly, tucking her into bed and getting her a glass of water “well done for being quiet, sleep well princess” you left with a final kiss to her lips, she’s good to be around when she doesn’t talk much

You left the house locking the door with the spare key and posted it back through the letterbox, you fished your phone from your pocket seeing missed calls and messages from Yelena

“Y/n I swear to whatever god is out there answer your damn phone, where r u??????”

“She’s feisty, she wants to see you and not in good way either!! She is mad at you for lying!”

“How does she know ur lying you ask?? She’s been shot at again and hit in the shoulder! Nat here now and cussing you out so get here!?!?!!”

You couldn’t finish reading instead running straight to the safe house, getting there you saw the doors open and Maria coming out with blooded bandages and your heart sank “Wanda?” You were out of breath and tired but you wouldn’t be able to take it if all that blood was hers

Maria saw your panicked face “no Y/n it’s okay she’s fine, this is mostly Yelena’s, her shoulder and side took a beating”

You hoped she was okay but you were so relieved Wanda wasn’t the most injured, you ran into the house seeing Nat attending to Yelena and Wanda in the other corner drinking a glass of water “Wanda, Wanda are you okay?? Is your arm okay??

Wanda didn’t look at you instead just looked straight on “you lied to me” she whispered

“What?”

“You lied to me Y/n” her voice didn’t waver “all you’ve done is lie, convincing me that there’s no one after me then Yelena gets shot in the shoulder, someone is out to get me and I don’t know why you tried to gaslight me and scare me like that”

You accepted what was happening and moved in front of Wanda making sure she looked at you “Wanda I’m sorry these last 24 hours have been very difficult, I just didn’t want the shooter to actually get you, he would’ve done Wanda if I wasn’t there”

“Doesn’t explain it Y/n we’ve never had a good relationship but I seriously can’t do this anymore, I’m going to the police and getting them to figure out who’s after me” she stood up removing the towel from her shoulders and walking off not bothering to look at you

Maria slapped you on the shoulder “go after her! If she goes to the police they’ll get you too, I’m pretty sure an assassin doesn’t get caught”

You weren’t even thinking about the police finding you, you just couldn’t believe you were losing Wanda “oh shit!” You ran after the woman leaving Maria to laugh “she’s an idiot”

*****************************************************

“Wanda! Wanda wait!” You yelled after the woman in the streets like a creep, god if someone were to come up and punch you in the face for following someone at night you wouldn’t blame them honestly

“Wanda come on please!” She finally stopped and you nearly crashed into her but steadied yourself “what do you want?”

You took in a breath, god why were you out of breath? Maybe the hole in your side but you couldn’t be sure of course “you can’t go to the police”

“Oh yeah? Why not? Nervous that you won’t get your payment for killing me?” You were gobsmacked, you didn’t want to kill her that was the whole point! You’ve literally been trying to prevent that this whole time!

“Wanda if you go to the police and they start digging around they’ll find me and then I’ll get thrown in jail or given the electric chair” you took a hold of her hands and kissed them in your own “please let me take you somewhere away from here, I’ll keep you safe”

Wanda snatched her hands away and you knew you’d said something bad and instantly regretted it “keep me safe? You made me fear for my life! Both when you told me you’d been paid to kill me and when you claimed me as your own like a predator and their prey!”

You noticed a couple of people gathering near you guys and you just smiled at them “it’s okay everyone she’s a little drunk that’s all I promise we’re okay” you offered people your fakest smile and some accepted while others stayed watching

“Come on Wanda we’ll need to go home now okay?” You subtly grabbed Wanda and brought her into a hug kissing her forehead “she’s a lightweight” you laughed off dragging her away forcing a kiss to keep her quiet

When you both got further enough away your grip loosened on Wanda and she was quick to push you away and walk in front of you “Wanda I need you to listen”

“Get fucked Y/n”

“By you? Absolutely! But it’s not the time please just listen to me”

Wanda stomped to a stop and turned around crossing her arms at you “what”

You sighed “I’m sorry I lied we’ve been through this I know, it’s a stupid fucking excuse but I was trying to protect you and you know if you don’t want to talk to me? Fine! But you need to go to our bosses safe house its safer than Fort Knox”

Wanda didn’t move, didn’t even look or acknowledge you in any way so you dug around in your pocket for your bosses business cards and held out your hand for her to take the card “take it” she didn’t move

“Fucking take it Wanda and I’ll turn around right now and never see you again, just take it”

She gently reached her hand out and took the card carefully not to take your hand with it

“Good, goodbye Wanda” you turned around on your heel and walked off in the opposite direction, you did hear a weak attempt at your name but you refused to turn and kept walking, you’d go to the people who wanted her dead by your hands and use your hands to kill them, they’d regret the day they asked for your help.

[fjordline]

i cannot believe i wrote an essay for a comment on my post asking for my opinion.. only to get blocked before i could reply 💔

disclaimer: this is about something as unimportant as a character in a transformer comic and why i don't like him

i dont want to make anyone who's a tailgate superfan feel bad or anything this is just my personal opinion as someone who has read all of idw1. despite of how it may seem.. i do not identify as a hater! anyway, he's not an overtly bad character at the start, the contrived asspulls begin around the tyrest arc, tg supposedly has one day left to live because of lethal cybercrosis. he goes on to save everyone by jumping tyrest and then later rewriting the code of the legislators. and after a drawn out sad monologue on his death bed, cyclonus stabs him with his greatsword which…. for some reason cures his deadly illness. and it only gets worse once megatron arrives, the whole narrative bends over backwards to asskiss megatron and make you think of tailgate as some kind of cute mascot character to set up for the getaway 'villain' arc. tailgate is written as a stupid baby who earnestly believes he's injecting megatron with an 'anti-villain-virus' to get rid of his evil thoughts, his holoform is also. a baby. jro tries to make getaway look bad by making him cartoonishly evil, when, what getaway did cannot begin to be compared to everything megatron was doing right up to his trial. yet getaway gets all his limbs and jaw amputated and megatron gets to carry on with his ''''''''''''''''reformed autobot''''''''''''''' shit and all the good guys stick up for him.

yet somehow even worse than the megatron bootlicking is the 'energy spasm' incident. when cyclonus is shot while protecting tailgate and this causes him to be sooooo heartbroken that he .. has a panic attack that causes some kind of rainbow wave to go off for no reason. this wave somehow, not only wakes thunderclash up from his coma, but gives tailgate inexplicable super strength invincibility powers. It boggles my mind what made tg deserve any of that, because he cared about cyclonus and was sad he seemingly died? does that mean chromedome wasn't sad enough when rewind died or he also would have energy spasmed? this is around where i stopped on my last re-read so i don't remember the specific events of lost light quite as well, i do remember it not getting much better though.

and i personally cannot stand smol uwu bean type characters, when he says some shit like 'i deserve a heckin bomp for this' i start wanting to drown in a bathtub. cyclonus deserves so much better. they have no chemistry. they're just the 'grumpy x sunshine OTP XD' trite trope. whirl and cyc have a 200000 times more interesting dynamic. rodimus and his hatred of hats is a more interesting dynamic.

i feel like cyc gets bogged down so hard by the romance plot hes forced to take part in, when he's away from tg he is so much more entertaining and interesting. at a certain point it's like he starts doing fuck all except hang around tailgate and wax poetic about their love. cdrw manages to never be annoying when they're loveydovey with each other, but cygate drives me up the wall

mtmte is simultanously so good… yet so mald inducing that it compels me to write shit like this. i wouldnt care so much about this one fucking robot if (most of) the rest of the comic wasn't so excellent

this is all subjective obviously and i havent seen anyone else dislike tg other than me and some friends. he literally seems to be universally loved so maybe im just sick and twisted.

[bored-trans-orchidsexual]

A Starstruck Odyssey, and Masculinity

I have thoughts and am just gonna unload them on Tumblr. That's what we do here, right? I recently have been re-listening to Starstruck and have had some thoughts on it's depictions of masculinity. This isn't a serious post per se, just some thoughts and observations. Starstruck has a wide spectrum of masculine characters on display, though a lot of it is hostile/toxic. Most men or male-coded characters are either outright villains, or more neutral parties with some toxic and selfish tendencies. Don't get me wrong it's a wild violent galaxy and that's the point, the entire party participates in scamming, kidnapping, exploitations, and unnecessary murder and we love to see it, it's not like it explicitly makes all men out to be inherently more monstrous and evil than others. But I do think the depictions of masculinity can be interesting to observe. Amercadia is a pretty cut and dry critism of the patriarchy and American nationalist culture, which is fantastic worldbuilding to include. Many of the masculine-coded androids are actually pretty nice, friendly and helpful or serious about their jobs, aside from a bitchy one in the beginning who injects our main 'droid with an anxiety spike about being one of a kind. Pretty much all of the Slugs we meet occupy masculine bodies, and they seem to have an abstract gender that picks up pronouns from the body they occupy, though the monarch is objectively a king and uses masculine pronouns even before getting a body, and he's pretty selfish and stupid.

But the main pair I'm thinking of, is Barry and Gunnie. Looking at the two of them, there's a lot you can assume. Big Barry Syx is this massive, bulky dude in power armor and shades with a mullet, while Gunnie is a 4' 11" techie cyborg with a big ol' smile. Listen to them in action and many of your assumptions are reinforced; Barry is a total dude-bro associated with nuts, steroids, working out, and acting much like gym bros in our modern life, while Gunnie is a hyperactive technician just doing his best, despite being mired in sympathetic tragedy. Barry's trauma is fairly fantastical or common to stories, having his family gunned down by one of his own, while Gunnie is mostly weighted down by medical debt after he got in an accident after trusting the wrong person. Based on these apperent details one would assume Barry is this toxicly masculine jackass who's insecure about his flaws, while Gunnie is the smartest man on board and is trying to keep everyone in line, doing the right thing, ect. And of course, you'd be dead wrong. Gunnie, while a sympathetic and likable character, is *mired* in toxic masculine traits. While it was an accident that put him in his situation, it was brash foolishness and ignoring obvious red flags that got him in that position in the first place, not to mention a rebellion against his family driving him to it. Furthermore, as Lou himself admits in Adventuring party, Gunnie's *pride* is the reason his problems are so vast; He comes from a lot of money, his initial debt might have never happened or mostly gone away to begin with if he went back to his dads for help. His toxicity doesn't make him an unlikable character but he does have these traits. He's brash, prideful, and ignores common sense a lot. He is also very nice and friendly with others, listens to people, ect. He doesn't have *every* toxic trait in the book, but has them which I tend to not even notice because he's just a funny little guy. Barry, meanwhile, is just about the most wholesome and giving person in the entire 'verse. Syx *And* Nyne, when not under a slug's control, are these total sweetheart bros. Sure, they shit talk each other with friendly ribbing, and yes they are very good at violence, but this violence is always motivated by helping those in need or fighting for those who can't fight for themselves, the Barry Battalion way. Barrys hate it when people are rude, or hurt the innocent. Barrys fight for their friends, provide endless support and praise, and will throw their very bodies into danger to protect or help, as seen on Rec 97 and in the big finale of the battle of the brands. And while the thing the love most is other Barrys, that does not mean that what they respect is also being heavily macho dudes. Barry one (or was is spelled differently? Barry Won? who knows) was the professor who created the other Barrys, a nerdy and fragile professor type, that the Barrys loved and treated as a fellow Barry *literally* the moment they were created. Even Syd is a Barry now, and that's accepted both by Barry Syx who's known her a long time and bonded with her, as well as Barry Nyne who literally, to his perception, *Just* met her, despite her appearance as like a waitress with an arm canon. Being a Barry, in other words, isn't about being just like them, having the name Barry, or anything like that. It's a vibe, it's a way to be, and the 'verse is better off with these super wholesome boys who, despite embodying many stereotypes of the gym bro, posses *none* of the commonly toxic traits also associated with that. They aren't insecure around smarter people or those with different skillsets, they hold no gendered assumptions, and they never wanna use their might to opress others for their own satisfaction.

Just, some thoughts.

[aunti-christ-ine]

The Divine Take on it

They're Losing Their Wives

"I voted for Trump, my wife sent me divorce papers."

GOD

NOV 11

Dear Humans,

Behold, families are already being separated by the second Trump administration.

THEIR FAMILIES WON’T TALK TO THEM ANYMORE

Over on X, many Trump voters are posting about how their families won’t talk to them anymore. They seem truly stunned that this is happening.

Why are people like this? I don’t know, human. I wish I knew. Why do people not google tariff until the day after the election? Why are people so intellectually and morally irresponsible? Why do they think there are no consequences for their batshit crazy choices?

Yes, people who vote against women’s rights are literally so fucked up in the head.

You were hoping your college professor son would lose his morality over the price of groceries? You should be proud he didn’t.

He’s never done wrong by you? He told you to inject bleach. He spread lies about vaccines and a million people died. He attacked the capitol!

They’ve been posting that all day, without a shred of self-awareness or irony. Not a single moment of self-reflection or uncertainty.

Verily, tis’ mind-blowing.

WOMAN LEAVES HUSBAND OVER TRUMP VOTE, SO HE POSTS ON INTERNET BEGGING FOR ADVICE

Yes, dumbass. It’s MADA…Make America Divorced Again. You voted for taking away no-fault divorce.

The LORD giveth thy wife, and The LORD taketh away thy wife.

Your family members have plenty of reasons to disown thee.

Families destroyed. A nation destroyed.

All for the worst men in existence.

And there was this.

According to Google Trends, searches for "Did Joe Biden drop out" started spiking around 6 a.m. on election day and continued to rise over the course of the day until reaching its peak at midnight. It then started to spike again around 8 a.m. the day after. Prior to election day, there were virtually no such searches. President Biden, of course, dropped his re-election bid in July.

PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING STUPID, WHY?!!

Not trying to condescend. I want to reach these people. I want to save them. But this is just painfully crushing levels of idiocy.

REMEMBER THIS

I don’t rejoice in the notion that relationships are being destroyed.

But I do enjoy that people are smiting back.

THEY ARE REBELLING!

[horizon-verizon]

is there #dragoncourse now? i always thought 2-legged dragons were more "realistic" than 4-legged ones, just like grrm does. he started out as a sci-fi writer and loves blending it in with his fantasy (see: valyrian dragonlords doing blood experiments; i'm also sure that that "oily black stone" is an alien artifact). he loves imagining how magic, and magical creatures, can be realistic and i think it's cool af. and honestly i agree that 4-legged dragons with wings on their backs look stupid.

There are a lot of "ASoIaF dragons are not real dragons" people out there, and really, as I said in the post I suspect you are responding to, I think it's really stupid.

Why exactly is this a big deal to people except that they want to feel comfortable with creatures such as these they have seen all their lives stay so when they feel they are themselves gone?

So that it doesn't feel like they've "wasted' their lives or something loving/obsessing over these fantastical creatures? We're fantasy readers--since when has it been the MO to subscribe to such strict rules?!

Or is it they still that to "protect" the genre, to protect it from people who think of fantasy as this "lower" intellectual property bc it is highly "unrealistic" (read Ursula K. LeGuin's 1974 essay on why Americans hate fantasy) that they have to be anal about such insignificant properties? But they don't know that by doing so, they have fallen back into the same spot as those who claim fantasy is just escapism or un-valuable bc it is "impractical"--they insisting on this weird seriousness by focusing on the more superficial "rules" or appearances of some conventions in fantasy, they relegate fantasy to this static character of superficiality, unimaginativeness, and "childishness/womanishness" that they want fantasy to be less regarded as. Bec without element of repurpose and "recombination", fantasy becomes relevant and joyful.

By "imagination," then, I personally mean the free play of the mind, both intellectual and sensory. By "play" I mean recreation, re-creation, the recombination of what is known into what is new.

Perhaps it's bc they want to protect, as I have said in that other post, the dragons of their childhoods they way they do other stuff that partially lead to so many damn remakes? In that case, 🙄. Not everything is about the past and nostalgia, people. the past is fodder for new things.

The crazy part is that it's just legs, it's not like Twilight that completely did a reverse on vampires in multiple ways!

Fantasy of any genre--urban, high, "grim-dark", sci-fi, historical--has always "broken" or "strayed" or, truly, repurposed some "traditional" elements of the creatures. think of vampires...even before Twilight, have vampires always been the Bram Stoker kind in popular media? Have we not seen more vampires take on a more pseudo-sciency character, with injections of "viruses" and such? Zombie-like vamps? Hello?! There wasn't even the rule about having to eject one's bodily fluids in the vampiric creation process in the orig Bran Stoker story, not it's damn near everywhere!

It's not even about "realism" for me or how we should or should not strive for the most "realistic" dragon. It's about the flexibility of fantasy writing and the history of the super-genre itself. As long as one maintains the rules they set up for their own lore ANd they stuck to the some basic-basics, I really never cared abt whether they conformed to supposedly, popular description for a cryptid or mythological creature. If it flies, uses the elements (earth, air, water, fire), and has scales, it's a fucking dragon. Some non-EU dragons have NO legs!

I could even let go of wings, bc many non-European dragons don't have wings, esp in Africa. Because, almost near around the world (as all of the current popular cryptids and creatures like werewolves, vamps, dragons, succubi, etc), we have adapted fantasy fiction's villains and monsters from. And this insistence on dragons having 4 legs stems much from the EU-description of a dragon, that as GRRM said in his blog post, itself comes from the long-ago bifurcation of medieval people calling that and that a wyvern vs "dragon". It was arbitrary then, it is so, now. Calm the fuck down. More energy is better spent criticizing the HotD and GoT writers for fucking up so many human characters or, idk, defending enby and PoC/black actors!

If we hadn't been more flexible with how we created lore...would there even be sci-fi and fantasy fiction?! DRAGONS DO NOT EXIST IN "REAL" LIFE and fantasy has not always been about keeping as close to reality as possible but the creation of alternative worlds to explore ideologies and human behaviors/relationships to their worlds--to explore, isolate and work around the "chosen" heart and patterns in human behavior.

To create these worlds, fantasy writers choose fantasy to see/portray how humans may understand what a human/society is not in spite of but because of the environments they grow in! and fantasy affords them much more room for high drama that non fantasy cannot "reasonably" have!

As for myself, I prefer dragons having 2 legs when you want to impress that these are creatures who may or may not have higher cognitive functions but can't necessarily talk to humans or feel emotions like humans can or in the same exact range of reactions, etc. When you want to make them more like nonhuman animals. Whereas, ironically, 4 legged dragons, I associate with more "wise", super-repositories of the knowledge of the earth. It's, again, not abt "realism", it's abt character and role in the story and how we are to understand the symbolism of such magnificent creatures and how they are going to work/be repurposed. Making sure your chosen rules remain consistent and plausible.

Popular dragons are air/fire creatures (water for Asian cultures), but have developed from the humans' observations of lizards', snakes, and other reptiles' proximity and making homes in the ground. They are chthonic, which means associated with the underworld or world of the dead (esp in ancient Greece) and often associated with death in EU cultures more than say China or Japan. Of which dragons are much more associated with bringing life as well as death (the Yangtze river flooding often), but are benevolent rather than malignant anyway. From the chthonic associations, Christianity solidified dragons' symbolism to be "evil" and mainly destructive for popular media to then reuse for its own generations of projects where capitalist execs prefers the the past popular thing to assure the money flow stays consistently in their favor. A "secure" mode of income, lovley.

Am I to expect dragons to look & represent the same associations the same forever and ever and ever in fantasy fiction?! And not only that, but to make them more in line with a European Christian oversimplification of evil vs good?! To hell with that (wordplay intended). Because a few people whine about these dragons not having the number of legs they deem to be sufficient and "real"?!

Anyway, I hope this all made sense?

[cto10121]

Re-watching the New Moon movie and I have many Thoughts(tm), namely

Why is the cinematography is so warm toned compared to the first movie when New Moon is the most depressing book and truly the worst era of Bella’s young life: A Mystery in 2 Hours

At least Pattinson!Edward looks a little better than usual. They put him in these crisp suits. Very nice (Edit: Never mind, that awful Volturi bathrobe with the pasty-ass makeup was horrific yuck, yuck, yuck)

They just had to introduce Jacob this early on, didn’t they? And ofc Bella is much more emotive and gets all the witty dialogue with him (!!). In the books she is much more romantic and wittier with Edward as a whole. Jacob tended to bring out her immature side

“How come Jacob Black gets to give you a gift and I can’t?” “Because I have nothing to give back to you” Nice to know the screenwriter(s) still doesn’t understand the Bedward dynamic. And by nice I mean horrific

…What film version of R&J are they watching??? It’s not the ‘30s version and definitely not the ‘60s or ‘90s one. Is it the ‘70s BBC one? In the book it was the ‘60s version, which is the correct answer. Did they not get the rights? Also, also, why are the human characters much more affected by R&J than Bella and Edward????

“[Romeo] Killed his only love out of sheer stupidity” “Yeah” Oh no, no, no, no, movie, you are not going to make Bella, a close Romeo iteration, agree with Edward!!! Edward is meant to be 100% wrong by his take. Dumbass script!!!

Edward: “Eyes, look your last” 😐 Couldn’t Pattinson just inject a little bit more feeling into his line reading? Most of Edward’s objections were Romeo’s actions, not his suicide. These are the lines Edward can and should relate to.

The movie people garbing the Volturi in 18th century clothing when they are older than the Romans is just laughable

“Dating an older woman. Hot.” Okay, Emmett is 💯, no notes. Definitely erred on the side of frat boy, but you know what, it’s fun and ho boy do these movies lack it

Bella holding up her whole bloody finger in a coven of vampires 💀 Why, movie

Stewart!Bella’s chemistry with almost everyone else in the cast (that scene with Carlisle tending her wound!!!) but Pattinson!Edward confirms what I have known all along: Film and real life chemistry are very different and they shouldn’t be confused. The proof is in the celluloid.

I’m just going to call it: Stewart and Pattinson are modern subtle quirky actors playing what are essentially neo-Gothic star-crossed lover roles. They absolutely should never have been considered for these parts at all by a competent director. Absolutely not fitting at all

“You’re just not good for me.” Hmm, this is what Bella believes about herself, not Edward. I suppose Edward could have done it on purpose, but the fact that he was flabbergasted his lie worked indicates that he doesn’t. Movie just straight up portrays him as more manipulative than in the books, where he just lies baldly

Oh God the months-on-the-screen thing was terrible. This movie fails so much at portraying Bella’s depression, it hurts. It’s like visual SparkNotes

The Bella-writing-to-Alice device sucks. Not too badly, but still. We had her voiceover in the first movie without any problems but for this one, we need a justification? Also, it fuels the Bella/Alice fan dumb something awful

Really dislike the way they did Hallucination!Edward with the ghostly transparent effect. It’s corny and also…way to pass up a chance at some mystery and intrigue by just having Edward be there without any special effects (maybe keep the echoing voice). I guess they really didn’t want people confused and think he returned when he didn’t. But c’mon.

Movie Bella going off with the biker 🤮 Book Bella at her most insane would never. The only good thing about it is that it does lead to Bella having an interest in motorcycles. Efficient movie storytelling and all that.

“Bella, where the hell have you been, loca?” Wonder why this line became so meme-worthy. It’s by far not the worst (“spider monkey” is perhaps the most awful) and Lautner’s delivery was natural enough. Is it the random Spanish? It is random.

Bella is already smiling at her first scene with Jacob…this movie is just awful at selling her desolation. Meanwhile Jacob’s first thought was how awful Bella looked

The Quileute characters are well-cast and nicely played so far, and their banter is good. Emily especially is beautiful and her scar makeup was convincing. Great

Book: “He took off his shirt” Movie: He took off his ~~~~shirt 😍

Laurent’s arrival and his death should have been a much better and weightier scene than we got. God, the pacing is so bad in this movie. Jacob becomes a werewolf, Bella finds the meadow, Laurent suddenly arrives—all within a minute or so. Ugh

“As soon as you put the dog out.” Damn, why, movie? Book Alice did not begin the slurs until she was well and truly angry. But sure, let’s do some really obvious racebaiting 🙄

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Jacob KNEW he was talking to Edward and not Carlisle????? Movie, wtf? And all to save up on some screen time…sigh

Bella: “I can let you go now.” What. The. Fuck. Movie????? Not only could she not let Edward go, Bella never wanted to let him go. That was and had never been her arc!!! She would have gone to Edward regardless of anything!!! I hate this, I hate this oh GOD

No, I’m not done, I need another bullet point for this BS. The whole reason why Twilight was picked up to be adapted in the first place was because Hollywood execs saw “Ooh Romeo and Juliet with vampires 🤑” written all over this one…only for the actual filmmakers to just say, “Actually her whole ~journey this movie is letting go of Edward uwu” Poor Meyer…she just had to grin and bear it until she became the producer, I suppose

*Bella and Edward having a whole-ass conversation and making out* *Felix and Demetri watching in the shadows*: “So…should we interru—” “Don’t you DARE” “Felix” 🤣 I’m sorry, but this whole “I lied I do love you” convo should have been in the bedroom scene proper; there are literal Volturi about!!! Also, also, no “Amazing. Carlisle is right”!!! No Romeo quote!!!! Fie, for shame

Dakota Fanning as Jane…Well, probably not perfection, but she is great as usual. The Volturi got done so dirty overall, though—they look and act like Vampire Diaries rejects.

THAT ELEVATOR SCENE, OH GOD. So much meme potential. Why does this series keep injecting humor and comedy where there shouldn’t be and just ditching the actual humor and comedy of the actual books?????

Again, these Volturi gives me discount Vampire Diaries. Also, that chamber is so damn small. Where is the mystique, the grandiosity?There should be a crowd of vampires around, it’s their dinnertime.

Michael Sheen is just too British for the la tua cantante, lol. He also says something else (“Forse le vostre l’uno per altro”??? The accent is just too thick). He’s way too handsy (movie, they’re regular vampires who are sharks!!) but overall I guess his creepy-genteel approach works. Again, the cringy script fucks him over, as it does everyone. The movie has him touch Edward only now and not immediately when he meets him. Oh, God.

Edward just stumbling forward to Jane’s demonstration on Bella 💀 Jane saying “Pain” and Edward just standing there instead of collapsing 💀 Stewart!Bella freaking out and begging them to stop…actually, no, there she did very well, I liked it

Edward and Felix fighting ewwww…and with that awful slow-mo. What’s with these movies and including non-canonical battle shit???? Also, Aro would not order Bella’s execution if simply because he wants to collect Edward/Alice and Bella once she turns (it’s obvious she is a shield).

Of course fucking Alice speaks up at the very last minute before Aro chomps on Bella!!! When she would have had a vision of this exact scenario!!! This movie I swear!!!

THEY ACTUALLY SHOW THE VISION OF VAMPIRE BELLA, OH GOD. AND WITH THE CORNY SLOW-MO. KILL ME

“Once Alice changes me, you can’t get rid of me.” Okay, Movie Bella is officially more interested in immortality than Edward, the exact opposite of her book counterpart. Dishonor on your cow, Rosenberg.

“Jake, I love you.” Aaaaaand it’s official, the movies are definitely Team Jacob. Fuck you, too, movie

[cuprohastes]

Alien: Romulus

No spoiler review: It’s a turd.

Spoiler review under the cut.

OK. So the first scene is Wayland-Utani recovering a Xenomorph pod from the wreckage of the Nostromo. You remember the Nostromo? Ground zero for a nuclear detonation? Didn’t have any alien pods with a full size alien on board?

Then it’s off to Zeta Reticuli where there’s a colony on a world without sunlight. We’re introduced to the protagonist, Generic Forgettable Person. And her brother Clearly An Android.

The company does some puppy kicking, and then it’s off to meet the rest of the cast.

Specifically the protagonist has completed her 12,000 hours of work and her contract is over. The company extends it to 24,000 hours and re-assigns her to the death mines. “Try again in 5 to 6 years!” she’s told

This is the first hint that whoever wrote the movie cannot use a calculator and doesn’t know what time it is. 12,000 hours on an 8 hour shift is 4 years at 8 hours per day. Let’s assume the company likes to make people work 12 or 16 hour shifts. That brings it down to about 3 and 2 years respectively. This will keep happening.

Then it’s off to meet every one else: There’s Sympathetic guy, Tragically Pregnant Girl, Not Vasquez, and Inexplicable Douchebag.

Stupid Plot Point 1: An entire ‘spaceship’ belonging to Wayland Utani is hanging out in orbit, but nobody knows it’s there presumably because with hundreds of cargo ships, they decided to not have any traffic control, early warning etc.

The plan is to steal the cryo-pods and fly 9 years to another colony not owned by Wayland-Utani.

Remembering that in Alien, Aliens, Prometheus and Covenant, they do longer journeys in months. This is another point where the writing team just punted.

OK so everyone zooms off without being queried, checked etc. Obvious Android Guy, whose name is actually Andy gets them onto the station. The cryo pods are out of fuel so they go to get some more, Andy Saves Douchebag form falling into a hole melted into the floor. Nobody seems to query what the fuck happened, Douchebag gets cryoburns which are never mentioned again and then about 200 facehuggers are let loose.

From where? Storage units. No eggs, no queen, just facehuggers.

Not Vasquez gets to play throat-goat, and 10 minute slater takes 5 minutes to die of alien chestburster. Yeah, the chestbursters are now instant.

The ship goes flying off course, hits a fuel silo under the ship (Actually it’s a space station), which somehow makes it zoom off to hit the rings in 1n hour instead of 36 hours, even though it should have been pushed away from the rings. The spaceship miraculously crashes, un-damaged (Y’know after hitting a fuel tank hard enought o blow it up) into a second cargo bay that… OK that’s just fucking stupid, right?

The chestburster now builds a gestation sack, guarded by ribs while everyone is picking themselves up. Douchebag finds it, decides to stick a cattle prod in and… well there’s a really gratuitous scene involving alien blood.

Tragically Pregnant girl is mutilated and dragged off for implantation.

And then it’s back to the science lab to meet an old friend! It’s Ian Holmes everyone! He’s not looking good after the digital necromancers got to him, but at least the writers thought they were being so clever by naming his character ‘Rook’ (Look, aren’t they clever? Because there was the other android called Bishop. Which was a different model, from Aliens?) and having him say the same lines that Ash, his twin said in Alien.

There’s a lot of this.

Tragically Pregnant Girl is rescued but is bleeding out. Slowly. Nobody in the future knows what a bandage is, so they decide to just leave her bleeding and stick her in a freezer

Rook claims he’s perfect the black goo. He wants the crew to return it to Planet Shithole. As a bonus he suggests Tragically Pregnant girl inject it to make her superhuman. It worked on rats! And humans are 25% rat! Look! There’s a video of a rat!

There’s also a giant tentacled exploded rat monster, but nobody looks at that side of the room.

There’s a bit of splitting up, Sympathetic guy gets shredded, Andy turns evil and is factory re-set, everyone forgets how gravity works, Tragically Pregnant girl gets all the way to the ship OK without any real effort then randomly shoots up with black slime.

Andy kills an alien and says “Get away from her… you Bitch” and the alien’s blood is conspicuous in its inability to melt through anything at all.

They get to the ship and manage to climb up to where it’s jammed, close the door, and escape in under 10 seconds, because time is like a state of mind man.

And this is where we get the kink stuff.

Tragically pregnant girl of course does not become super humab but does instantly become 9 months pregnant in 2 minutes shten have something the size of a watermelon fly out of her hoo-ha. I mean 10 seconds earlier she was in overalls but for plot expediency she’s now in some sort of long shirt with no underwear. There’s a point where Final Girl tears an umbilical the thickness of her wrist in half with her bare hands and we see the alien egg pod split… to show a baby. Aww.

The pod immediately eats through the floor. Final girl goes to collect it and uh…

The baby is now a 9 foot tall slenderman.

Where is it getting all this mass?

Meanwhile Tragically Pregnant girl inexplicably gets a scene where she sticks her hand in her top and milks herself and finds she’s got lube coming out of her tit.

This is never commented on, mentioned or in any way shape or form relevant because about two minutes later, Slenderman shows up and sucks all her blood out because sure, why not?

So Final girl just dumps it out the airlock, because apparently the writers have the imagination and creativity of an LLM.

Which is presumably why they then copy Ripley’s audio log from Alien.

Roll credits.

It’s like 30% of a decent movie and 70% a garbage fire where they spend too much time going ‘Hey… remember this from the other films? Huh?

And then just doing whatever random bit of bullshit moves the movie on, regardless of what makes sense.

[substantial-exposure]

Truth or Consequences

-Preview-

Homelander X Oc

-

If there was one thing Homelander didn't do, it was learn from his mistakes. It was the one thing he would beat himself up for constantly. He was a man who held so much power. He had the whole world at his fingertips! And still he couldn't keep himself together. He was always looking to someone else to fill the void in his life.

Maybe it was his own fault for yearning for the american dream. He wanted a wife, a kid, a white picket fence, the whole bit. He ached to be loved, to let himself be loved. But that was the thing, the hardest part.

Madelyn Stillwell, Maeve, Stormfront, the ghosts of heartbreaks past consumed him and chiseled away at his soul for as long as he could remember. Always present and always reminded. It felt like every time he tried to distract himself from the pain in their wake he would just add to it, make it even worse. He was simply adding fuel to the fire.

It had now been a month since he shocked the world by announcing his budding relationship with Voughts most illusive upcoming hero, Spectre. The news had taken the country by storm.

Things were different with her. It unsettled him. For multiple reasons. It was the type of relationship he'd never had before and truthfully it scared him.

He always knew the girl had a thing for him. Of course she did! He was the most famous man in the country. The most recognizable face in the world. She'd be stupid if she didn't. But he failed to realize just how unconditional that love was. It made his stomach turn and put his senses on high alert. Those feelings didn't exactly stem from butterflies in his stomach either. No. Everything was so unpredictable. Half of his relationships had been scripted and he'd fallen so far into it.

After his last screw up, which translated to dating a 103 year old Nazi, he was less than thrilled to re-enter the dating scene. There was something so nerve wracking about trying again after that. But sure as shit, he pulled the stunt he did and now he was in the safest place he'd ever been in.

It made him feel uneasy. Like he was being lured into a false sense of security and was being tricked into lowering his guard. It was too good to be true. Sometimes he has to remind himself that he was the one who green lit the entire relationship. That he was the one who caused all of this. That he allowed it.

Homelander had to remind himself every morning that he was the one who offered that ultimatum. That he killed Madelyn Stillwell and injected her daughter with unstable compound V. He still couldn't decide if it was a mistake or not. That very same daughter stood in the doorway smiling at him so brightly. Her positive energy radiating into the room and asking him what he wanted for his breakfast.

-

Tag list:

@blindmagdalena (you said to tag you if I ever got the courage to actually post any The Boys content so!! I bit the bullet!)

[nightcall99]

Notes from 20.2.24

'Nothing here is for me'. Yeah.

Here's some boring ranting about my life. (I'm not here right now, I'm an NPC. Can you tell the difference?)

SM is getting shipped off again for a few weeks to another store, and today he said, Nice knowing you, yeah? I said, We already did this last month, I don't know why you keep popping back here so I have to keep saying goodbye, it's kind of annoying. He said, Yeah I know. Normal friends just continue on being friends regardless of where they are physically, but we've always had a complicated relationship. It's like when you know someone too well, and realise it doesn't translate outside of being in forced close proximity. Anyway, then I saw him at the supermarket after work and I knew he saw me first but didn't say anything. Then I walked past him outside while he was waiting for his Uber and he pretended not to see me, until I said something first. I know I invented all this to show me how I really feel. Which is hurt. We used to be so close. I dunno, I've let everyone go except him. There's just a tiny twinge left and that's why I had that dream yesterday. He was one of the few people in my life who was genuinely a good listener. I used to be able to say anything to him and he was never fazed. It's always me being the good listener.

Anyway, AL is annoying me too. On Sundays, we usually stay back for hours to gossip but I wasn't feeling it. So I invented her getting pissed off at the students because they never pull their weight and so she got into a bad mood and wanted to go home immediately. I was happy because that meant I could go home and read my YA fantasy books. I finish one per day almost. There's nothing else to do. I said it before but I don't leave the house unless it's to go to work. I might go to the supermarket, but that's it. I have no desire to go for a walk. I really need to service my car and pump my tires and fill up the wiper fluid. And go to the optometrist and the dentist but I can't bring myself to. I really need to clean out my closet. Re-string my guitar. Clean off the layer of dust on everything. If I focus in on it, it becomes real. But I don't, so it's not real. And things just work out.

I forgot some part-timer kid's name. Made a joke of it, and now she fist bumps me whenever she sees me. On New Year's day, the fridge broke down causing a temperature excursion for all the stuff in there and that meant I had to contact all the drug companies and figure out if the stock was still viable to use. It's been so busy, so I never got round to it and also I just didn't want to do it. When I came back to work last week after my time off, it had all been sorted out and I didn't have to do anything. I smirked inside my head. Today, some special injections for a patient went missing, two of them at $4000 each (it wasn't out of our own pocket, the medication was organised under compassionate supply for the patient and hence free to them, but still) and I was so feeble and indifferent on the phone explaining to the nurse that I simply don't know where the injections went. I didn't care at all. I thought 'Whatever, it's sorted'. Next thing I know, we get an email saying that more injections will get posted out to us. No worries. Awesome.

Things just work out. I don't feel guilt much anymore. I used to be such a stickler for altruism and morality but the pretence is gone. I see both sides of the coin at all times and it's boring. I'm not a good or a bad person. I just am. I have nothing left. Just this body. I focus on this body. I mean I don't exercise but I make sure I always look pretty. I do my hair. I like looking pretty. I like complaining about it afterwards, that I attracted attention. AL and I are pretty toxic like that, we go to each other and we sneer at men who leer at us. While also using the male gaze to our advantage. Men are stupid and simple and I can get away with things. My manager was too scared to ask me to deal with the fridge breech issue, so SM did it. Yeah, I'm vain. I wouldn't have made it long in this life if I had to continue living here. I don't want to age. There's nothing wrong with aging but personally, I do not want to age. Well to be honest, the real reason I wouldn't have made it long in this life is that I don't know how to look after myself because I have never, ever been tethered to reality. It was just pretending all along. Now I don't have to pretend anymore. I'm just a silly girl, really. AL and I agreed the other day that we're only alive to experience romantic tension. And to look in the mirror. Lmao. If it weren't for my parents, I would have died years ago. I mean, it feels like I was supposed to already be gone by now. This NPC has it's functional limits. It wasn't built for more of whatever the fuck this life is.

Anyway yeah, there's nothing left to live for. Except, maybe beauty. And that's it. I have Venus in Libra, what can I say? I enjoy beauty of every kind. Not the world though. Not planet Earth. Maybe's there's still pockets of beauty out there in the natural world but I don't go looking for it anymore. Trees and ponds and shit are dead. I'm talking about all the things that were inspired by the world, but are not really of it. Never really were. Books, poetry, film, music, photography, paintings, fashion. The idea of love. Being in love with the idea of love. To me, this has never changed. It has always been my constant. These things were never 'real' before and they aren't 'real' now. It was always just something imagined, out of hope or whatever. We created an escape through the creation of beautiful things because all along, we have always been dissatisfied. The ground we stood upon was never enough. And that feeling, it needed to come out. I was born with it.

[takeeachdayonebookatatime]

Why did you elbow me? 178

Achilles Castle part 80

Lemonade and lies PART 23

Liv: pov Jet says so Kate you worked with Elliot on the same case as Liv back in the day. Because the other day it seemed like you didn't know each other. No he was actually injured during that case and no Dana Lewis was not involved. Muncy and Jet ask who Dana Lewis is. You really don't want to know she used to be FBI before she got sent to jail for murder.

Jet: pov she went to jail for murder no way. Liv says yes. And every time she was around Elliot got injured. Usually it was her accidentally shooting him and one time it was a bomb that injured him. That woman sounds insane, Liv says she was and she was my friend. Kate mentions a psychic one time mentioned to her that an Alexander would save her life. This was before her shooting and guess what Castle's real name is Richard Alexander Rodgers and he tried to shove her out of the way. The food arrives and Kate pays for it and Liv helps her carry it to the dining room table.

Kate: pov as Liv opens her food I notice it has mushrooms on it I can't pass up a good mushroom pun/joke. Hey Liv can you even have mushrooms wouldn't want you talking all crazy about the fungi. Jet then asks if Liv is allergic to mushrooms making the situation even more awkward. Liv says no, Muncy says didn't you say once that you got poisoned by some mushrooms the guy was cooking them on the stove or something and you started talking crazy. Liv says yes Muncy thanks for bringing it up, i actually don't remember much of it since i fainted during that Case.

Muncy: pov have you ever had a case that triggered your PTSD Kate says yes it was a sniper case a few weeks after I was shot before i was diagnosed. Woman was shot in the chest and she died instantly. There were 3 victims in total. I made a stupid choice to go out and get a bottle of alcohol knowing my dad was an alcoholic and I couldn't drink with my meds and heart issues but I didn't care, the case was becoming too much for me. I got home and poured some alcohol and started drinking, I heard a noise outside and started to freak out. Closing the curtains and everything. In my panic state I was having some bad flashbacks and palpitations. I knocked over the bottle of alcohol and broke the glass all over the floor. In my panic I cut my right arm on the glass. Thankfully Castle was knocking at my door checking to see if I was okay, he used the spare key I gave him for emergencies. He saw me on the floor bleeding and hyperventilating. He found my meds and injected them in me and cleaned my cut and bandaged it. After talking He helped me to my bed and spent the night on my couch. I learned my lesson and haven't drank since.

Jet: pov why did you buy the alcohol that night. Kate says I have no idea, but when you hit bottom the only way is up. I got diagnosed with PTSD after that day and it started to make sense all of the symptoms I had that night fit. I’m glad you are doing better. Muncy wants to know if Liv or Kate have made any mistakes on the job. Liv says in 2004 I interrogated a man for 9 hours after Fin and Munch talked to the guy trying to get a confession out of him. He eventually confessed to using the green scarf in the crime, poured acid in the victim's eyes, tied her up, cut and assaulted her, which the file mentioned. The victim ID him, he had her credit cards on him and 6 people saw him in the bar. He wound up getting I think 300 years in prison for the crime.

Liv: pov a few years later in 2012 we got a case with a similar motive. But Omar Pena was in jail so we thought it was possibly a copycat. We were getting nowhere on the case so Cragen told me to re-interview the original victim and she said she would never wear red again because of what happened to her. Her mother gave her that red scarf as a gift.

Muncy: pov hold up I thought the scarf was green, you said green earlier. Jet agrees with me that Liv said green. Liv says so did me, Fin and Munch turns out it was red the guy who bagged it was color blind early symptoms of ms. No way so the wrong man sat in prison for 8 years. Jet is also shocked by this.

Liv: pov yep and I felt very guilty. Muncy ordered the orange chicken with vegetable rice and egg rolls, Jet ordered the teriyaki stick white rice and dumplings. Kate ordered some healthy chicken with brown rice and vegetables. I ordered my usual lo mein noodles, sweet and sour chicken with stir fry vegetables on the side. We chat some more while we eat. Plus I almost lost my job because of my half brother, Muncy says didn't you say once you had the same father different mothers yep.

Jet: pov so Kate what Is your favorite Taylor swift song. Kate says actually Alexis is the fan. I know a few of her songs but I'm more into Duran Duran and Celine dion. Liv says well I guess we need to play some Taylor swift to get you ready for tonight. Our bracelets are coming out so cute.

Kate: pov after putting the dirty dishes in the sink I get back to the bracelet making. I tell Muncy and Jet where the bathroom is so they can change. I think It would be weird for them to change in front of Liv who is their boss. Me and Kate are friends and both have scars so we have no problem changing in front of each other. Castle made me a custom shirt, Liv is going to wear her 1989 shirt. Muncy and Jet are both wearing cute dresses.

Muncy: pov hey Jet what if we curl our hair. Kate what do you use to get your hair so curly Kate replies with nothing. I have curly hair. I just straighten It when I want to. To be continued. ……….

[danielcoetzee-wtf]

The Power of Positive Blah Blah Blah

JOKE: One day, while waiting for Tanja in the car in a disabled parking, an elderly man walked up to me and pointed out that the parking was for disabled people. My response was …. I .. I .. I .. I .. know, I .. I .. I .. stutter 😊

Have you ever attended or listened to a motivational speaker or read their books? Of course, so have I.

So, tell me, how long did the hype of the moment last? A few days? A week? A month? How long before you found yourself back where you were before, if not worse than before, because of your high expectations in yourself and the words of someone else?

Well, I don’t see myself as a motivational speaker. I am an ENERGIZER promoter!!

I’m here to help you and show you how reload your battery.

When I was 10 years old, I was sentenced to a life of ailments and a very predictable future regarding my health. Professor van Rooyen was the medical doctor at HF Verwoerd Hospital in Pretoria when I was diagnosed. He said the following to me: (remember I am 10 years old)

You have type 1 diabetes and will need to inject yourself a few times every day for the rest of your life (75 000 injections so far)

You will not grow old or die naturally

You will probably end up with either heart failure or kidney failure or both.

You will most likely lose a limb or two.

One morning you might wake up and be blind.

Wow, that’s a lot for a 10-year-old to digest.

Well, it’s been 48 years since then and here’s my list so far:

Quadruple heart bypass surgery, including a metallic heart valve fitment (side effect – insomnia and a handful of pills)

7 amputations – starting with toes and ending in legs.

Celiac’s Disease

Loss of sight in my left eye

Diabetic neuropathy and muscle loss in my hands

And last but not least, my recent catastrophe: Major femur break and pelvic fracture

Not a very encouraging picture ☹

BUT ... I have an ENERGIZER!!! And I can’t keep this to myself.

(Before I explain what I mean by an Energizer, let me point out that I have suffered with chronic depression all my life. I wanted to commit suicide a few times, but thankfully didn’t succeed. I often hear people say that it’s a coward that takes his life, but it’s not and I’m angered by this stupid statement. It takes a lot of guts to commit to this decision)

Getting back to the Energizer:

So, what is an Energizer?

Dictionary: Someone who imparts energy and vitality and spirit to other people

Let me explain: We are living beings, running on energy like batteries. Our batteries run flat from time to time. Some people have the ability to bounce back without too much fuss. Some people struggle to re-energize themselves; some never recover. I have seen this especially with fellow amputees.

The solution to a flat, rundown battery is to find a recharging point and this is what I have come to share with you today.

You do not possess a recharging point within yourself; you need to find it.

In the 17th century John Donne said: No man is an island, and it’s exactly that. We cannot thrive or grow alone. We recharge each other on a daily basis. Whether it’s your spouse, your friend, your pet or a LIFE coach. Find the person that helps you to recharge, that helps you find your strength, that helps you re-energize.

You might say: “I find my strength in a higher power.” Great for you, but here’s where I need MORE than faith. I need my 5 physical senses. If religion is important to you, do it. I’m not here to discredit what you believe in.

What I am trying to say is that you need to connect with someone physically. Someone you can touch, hear and converse with. I found that connection in my wife. She is my Energizer. She’s the one who never gives up on me, encourages me, feels my anguish, ignores my cursing. She allows me to express myself, reminding me constantly that I’m not alone.

My Energizer is a beautiful, real, loving, caring human being.

---

In 2018 my health took a serious turn for the worst. Things I had previously paid little attention to suddenly became a massive problem. During this time, I was still the owner of a mechanical workshop and the leading mechanic. Tanja was the administrator and organizer in the business and even did the diagnostics on the vehicles. I became listless and weak, lost my appetite and felt an overall unwellness. My GP referred me to a heart specialist who ran a series of tests and discovered that my aortic valve had packed up. I knew a lot about valves but this was a different ball game.

I was hospitalized and underwent a quadruple bypass as well as an aortic valve replacement – a metallic valve, to be specific. One which keeps me up at night unless I take serious sleeping tablets.

Following this, the amputations started. Toes, one by one; half a foot (which was the biggest and most painful mistake ever) and then the legs. Little by little, one at a time. Thankfully it wasn’t all at once, which allowed us to adjust slowly to the loss of limbs. It still wasn’t easy. Remember, I’m a driven, hard-working diesel mechanic, setting the pace in the workshop every day.

Before I had even lost my second leg, we decided to sell the workshop. The stress and anxiety were overwhelming. Not only could I not do what I had done before but the frustration of battling to do a job drove me bat-shit crazy.

We decided to start a niche, upmarket wine and gin bar. A classy but easy-going place. We put all our funds into the shop-fitting and stocking of our new enterprise. The idea was to get it up and running, build it up and sell it, then follow our children to Portugal.

Covid! Covid! Covid! What more can I say? Before even opening our doors, Covid hit us. To make a long, sad and desperate story short, we lost everything. We walked out of that place with the clothes on our backs and what was left after selling all our furniture. The bank repossessed our car and still hound us for money to this day.

Loss of material possessions. Loss of income. Loss of health. Loss of legs. Loss of our precious children, who had already left the country. We felt distraught, alone and afraid, to say the least.

You might think to yourself now: Wow! I’m sure things could not have gotten worse for these people? But wait, there’s more! My father-in-law used to have a saying: cheer up, things could get worse. So, I cheered up, and sure enough, things got worse.

On the 29th of April 2023 I slipped on the garage floor after washing the car. I shattered my femur and fractured my pelvis. I wished to die. I wanted to end my life.

Tanja came to me with the following ENERGIZING words: It is not death that you crave. What you crave is more LIFE.

I had to learn to walk …  AGAIN!

It’s been 8 months since that disastrous day and here I am, walking again and not just that, I’m covering about 6 km per day!!!

Here are some valuable lessons I’ve learned while learning to walk with prosthetic legs:

•          Don’t look back, you’ll lose your balance

•          Keep your eyes on the road ahead of you to avoid the potholes

•          There are some things you can’t change, make peace with that.

****

The weight of financial responsibilities can be crushing, but it's crucial to remember that you are not alone in this struggle. Come. Come, let me share with you the lessons we've learned.

There were times when bills piled up, the banks phoned 10 times a day and the future seemed dismally uncertain. But with determination and creativity, we found various ways to try to make ends meet. With both of us being self-employed for the last 25 years, we found ourselves unemployable, so we had to embrace multiple income streams and turn various ideas into opportunities.

I am a diesel mechanic by trade and that is all I have ever known. Finding new ways to generate an income was as challenging as learning to walk again.

Remember, your potential is vast, and there are often undiscovered talents within you waiting to be uncovered.

Living with chronic health conditions is undoubtedly tough, but it's essential to focus on what you can control. Together, we adapt and find new ways to survive despite our limitations. I say OUR because my limitations become my wife’s limitations. We deal with issues together.

When we run out of options, which has happened a few times, we speak up and ask for support, while finding a way around the problem at hand. Not everyone knows how to speak up. They’re either too proud OR afraid of rejection OR they simply don’t feel worthy.

Well,

There have been times when we had no food – we spoke up!

No vehicle with which to do our job – we spoke up!

In need of prosthetic legs – we spoke up!

Medical assistance – we spoke up!

A place to live – we spoke up!

AND WE WERE HEARD!!

People helped us because they saw our determination, effort and the will to keep going. We were down, but we still tried our best.

Seek support, when necessary, stay proactive in managing your health, and remember that every small victory is a step forward.

In times of financial hardship, health crises, or relationship woes, it's easy to feel isolated. DON’T isolate yourself. Don’t try to climb out of the pit by yourself. Find your Energizer. Connect. Move.

****

I want to leave you with a TO DO LIST: (an Energizing TO DO LIST)

Eat healthier

Drink water

Breathe deeply (even if it’s a deep sigh). It helps to release negative energy.

Spend time in nature or taking in the wonder of every sunset

Smile (even if you don’t feel like it). A smile is contagious and is AS good for your battery as for the receiver

Walk every day (or whatever exercise works for you)

Greet people (as you walk). We pass people and never think to say Hi. We’ve made so many connections with so many amazing people on our daily walks because we greet every single person we pass.

Spend time with positive people. It rubs off.

SHARE your energy. It’s not yours to keep. When you get it, share it. It’s that constant exchange that causes the Energizer experience to grow.

****

Now, Get ENERGIZED! You cannot jump-start someone when your battery is flat.

Find your Energizer!!

Then be an Energizer. Help to jump-start someone else’s battery by sharing.

[shiroi---kumo]

⋯✧・♪♫♪・✧⋯ All he wants is to hold him. Aqua says it's okay. Okay that he's late by nearly a decade and a half. He says they can talk later and this man he keeps snapping and growling at is a doctor and that he's very nice. Aqua wants him to let the doctor help him. To let him do whatever he needs to do and his mind is flashing back to setting on an observation bed in Palo's off while the woman picks and pokes at him on the third Thursday of every month like clockwork.

He held his hand then. He held his hand every single time and he has expressed to this man of blue who somehow knows the exact frequency of his soul - just how much he hates needles.

But Aqua wants him to and he'd do anything for him so he's slowly uncurling his body as he extends his left arm out towards him to show the blond man in the inside of his arm.

There is a face made at the sight of him and the blond is moving again to wet down a rag with something and coming over to try to scrub the skin clean.

"Oh dear." He sounds as he works taking off layer after layer of dead skin and dirt. "How long have you -"

"Seventeen years. Don't ask stupid questions."

Apparently his snapping is enough to get the man to pull back and re-soak the cloth only to scrub at his arm a little harder until he's uncovered a satisfactory clean section of his arm...

"What is that?" He says with a snarl remembering all the times he allowed the Opal Flames to stick him without warning or explanation and in turn doing so left him laying on his bathroom floor wondering if this would be the time he fades.

"An IV. It's a sugar solution I made for Kumo because at the time we didn't think there were other Mistericans. It will put sugar straight into your blood stream quickly."

"Kuu-mo?"

The blond sighs and motions to the sleeping form of his nephew on a bed just on the other side of the room.

"Kumo." He repeats again and it takes everything in him not to growl.

"Don't call him that. It's not his name."

"It is his name and what he's told me to call him. He hasn't given me permission to use Pilvi so until he does, I will address him as he told me to. How do you want me to address you?"

Citrine eyes are glancing from Aqua to Indigo and back again until they finally settle on the man before him with a frown hanging on his lips.

"Sinfonia."

"Alright Sinfonia, it's a pleasure to meet you but as I'm sure you're aware, You're in critical condition right now and I need to get you stabilized quickly. So I'm going to put you on an IV and get your vitals."

"I want Aquani."

The blond is tilting his head to the side at the statement. He's never heard that name before.

"Aquani." The word comes out as more of a demand this time as his right arm raises to point at the man of blue.

"He said 'My Aqua'. Sielu is Sinfonia's bond." Comes the Knight's explanation as he continues to hold the youngest Misterican to his chest.

"Bond?"

"Like His Highness and the small human."

It's as if a moment of realization fills the man's mind all at once as his eyes soften and he smiles. It makes sense now. It makes so much more sense now. He completely understands why Revon went to get Sielu of all people. If Sinfonia was going to listen to anyone it would be him.

"Let me get this IV in and check your vitals and I'll leave the both of you in peace for a while but we can't risk something happening if I don't get your sugar stabilized first."

There is a groan and a roll of citrine eyes as he sets with his arm extended while more dirt and dead skin is rolled from its surface until a suitable patch of skin is found and it's cleansed with a alcohol pad just to be safe. It's in this moment that the citrine gaze is locked with aquatic eyes while the blond - whatever he is- speaks.

"Alright I'm going to give you just a little poke in three.... two... one... there all done."

It doesn't feel worse than when Leimahdus would give him an injection in his wrists except the feeling is ever present and not leaving like it normally would. The doctor is taping the needle against his arm and hooking up the bag of clear oh - oh what is that?

He can feel it as soon as it hits his veins. Pure sugar flooding his system like a parched man in the desert. Pure sugar and he can feel his body already working to distribute it to all the places that need the most help. The blond pulls away from him as he uncurls himself from the ball he turned himself into when he shoved himself against the wall to hiss and growl at this stranger.

He slowly lets himself lay down and sink back against the pillows just behind his head. He's still so tired but he suddenly feels more solid than he has in literal years before. Slowly he's letting himself relax and that man is coming back again with strange objects and he doesn't care. He's putting a cuff around his arm to let it tighten and deflate again and he doesn't fight with him. He never argued with Palo and he hardly knows what any of these doctor types are looking for and just does what they say. He's typing a few things down in the strange computer on his chest when the man pauses looking up at him again.

"How do you spell your name?" He asks only to receive a half glare that is blatantly mocking this doctor's intelligence at such a ridiculous ask.

"Sin-fon-i-a." He sounds saying the syllables a little slower and with obvious annoyance in his voice. "Like Symphony. You're asking stupid questions again."

"...Oh it does sound like symphony doesn't it?"

"It's means symphony." He hisses as lets himself sink into the pillows a little deeper.

"Oh. Oh. I see. I'll keep that in mind. Well anyway that's all I need from you for now. Sielu, you know how to change the IV bags from helping with the others, so I'm putting you in charge of making sure it keeps getting rotated. He's probably going to go through a few of them. Don't worry I'll make some more up so we have plenty."

As the blond stand and moves away from the bed, the knight walks over to the edge of it to pluck the man of blue from his chest and gently place him down on the mattress to sit next to the man of citrine.

His free arm raises and reaches towards him.

"Come here, Aquani. I just want to hold you. Please let me hold you."

Revon says he needs his help specifically and that it's for something special.

He doesn't care as long as he can cling for a few more moments. If Revon is this calm, then he must be okay. And Pilvi must be okay. He can't lose either of them. They're all he has left.

At least, they had been up until -

Rakkauslaulu.

It slams into him like a ton of bricks. Rakkauslaulu.

That's for him. Just for him, and he hasn't heard it in so long but never could he forget the sound of a gift so special.

He wants to drown in that word, melt right into its warmth and let it soothe all his troubles away.

His eyes glance back up towards Revon, as if questioning whether the man before him is truly there, as if asking whether something this good could possibly happen to him.

"For me?" he echoes, his voice soft as if speaking loudly would cause the illusion to shatter.

He's forgotten what it's like to be wanted as fiercely as Sitriini seems to want him. Even after all this time, are they still the same?

Maybe not, but he can worry about it later when the symphony is back in tune and time. Just this moment is enough for him. Just one more chance to be breathing the same air as his bond - hopefully still his bond - is enough.

"Se on okei," he replies, cautious as he approaches the bedside. His voice still isn't a hundred percent, but hopefully it's not bad enough to notice. Still, he finds himself hyperaware. "Voimme puhua myöhemmin. Voitko antaa lääkärin auttaa sinua? Hänen nimensä on Cid. Hän on erittäin mukava." (It's okay. We can talk later. Can you let the doctor help you? His name is Cid. He's very nice.)

[cherrysnax]

Uhhhh, not exactly. In Code Veronica, Alfred and Alexia are child genius twins with a creepy incest thing going on. Alexia puts herself on ice to incubate her new zombie virus. Alfred, obsessive and missing her, starts crossdressing and pretending to be her to carry on conversations with himself. Later on, Alfred is killed and the real Alexia emerges from her hibernation to become the endboss.

It's that old "crazy crossdresser" trope handled with the grace you would expect from Japan in the year 2000, it would *no doubt* be made more palatable to the audience of 202X. But it's not... whatever that other asker said.

THAT would be Morpheus Duvall, the villain from the absolutely fuck awful RE: Dead Aim, who DID inject himself with some stupid virus that turns him into a "sexy trans demoness" and it IS cringe and horrible, and that game is never going to see the light of day again, lmao.

ah that explains a lot, I knew Morpheus was in a different game, so I assumed all that fuckery wasn’t in CV. either way I don’t want to touch any of that stuff with a 10 foot pole because I can’t see how they can separate that plot from the ableism and transmisogyny that it spews. out of all the monsters in RE they can’t help but use the most trite, unimaginative n bigoted tropes ever huh

[eristic-kaleidoscope]

Dogweed || Eureka 01 || Trial 3-3 || Re: Kenshin, Adrik

Eureka groaned as Adrik started a whole tirade at targeting her with things.  A bunch of accusations and assumptions. Some of which she had no idea  where they even came from. Either way she still needed to address things that were coming up. Not just from adrik.

"Okay so one I am not knowledgeable on plants. I fucking suck at plants. Everyone knows how deadly hemlock is idiot. It is literally the most famous poisonous plant in the world. Writers put that shit in everything. Unless you have never read a book, watched a show, or seen a movie, you know what hemlock is. I just recognized it when we found it in the investigation. As for what plant I ate, I don't know. I am not a plant person. I am an electrical and biochemical engineering person. It had some complex ass latin name in one of Calluna's books back on the first floor and i recognized it. Was it a lotus? i know i tried to eat a plastic one before? Maybe it was a lotus?"

Her moment of questioning went on for a few seconds before she shook her head to get back on track. Eyes refocusing to look angrily at Adrik.

"Arakiel and Kenshin saw me eating in the kitchen. I had an apple and some pudding."

Then Kenshin comes in and she is thrown through a whole new loop of loops. Anger fills her face as she grips her desk.

"I was using the fucking bowl to eat my pudding! Can't a girl have some pudding and apples? And WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP THINKING I AM A PLANT MASTER? I don't know shit about plants! I tried to eat a fucking plastic flower in the first floor investigation because I thought it was real! Literally anyone could figure out "Hey that's poisonous. Let me smash it up to make poison.". Plus, there is literally no way that Ae-Ra was injected with those needles while she was struggling. I have been stabbed with enough cactus needles to know they are brittle and break easily. Her thrashing would have fucked that injection thingy up. I don't understand why you are certain that the person who's whole identity is centered around lying about being stupid, is honest when saying they can't have done it because they are too stupid. Really?"

[tower-of-erinyes]

Dog-Eat-Dog | Kesley | Trial 1.6 | RE: Drew, Beni

None of the two revelations came as much of a surprise to Kesley. He’d called it, hadn’t he? Both of those two had been hiding something. Both of those two hadn’t been honest from the start.

Liar. Liar. Liars, the both of them. Kesley can’t stand liars. What? Do they just think he’s stupid? Did they think he wouldn't be able to tell?

But that wasn't what pissed him off the most right now. 

No, what gets him simmering under the skin, white-knuckling the podium, jaw sawing back and forth like racking a shotgun is the fucking unfairness of it all. Atropos with their wishy-washy rules. The pointless voting system. Why even bother having a trial and jury if this all boiled down to a popularity contest? Why even bother going over the evidence? Why couldn’t they just jump right in and vote for whoever pissed them off that day? No risk. All reward. Just vote for who you want gone, right? 

How was that justice? Wasn’t this supposed to be about Tsukiko? What about her? What about her justice? What had she even died for? If this was supposed to be all for her sake, why the hell was the voting so arbitrary? 

Shit-Lips was a goddamned moron. He was starting to see why she was just a mouth and not a whole head. There wasn’t any sign of a brain on her anywhere. 

Were they just supposed to depend on the morality everyone else had? That was rich. Fucking half the people here didn’t even give a shit that someone was dead. They didn’t care that Tsukiko was dead. They didn’t care. They didn’t care. A good fucking number of them hadn't even bothered investigating, and you know? In hindsight? Fucking smart play. Why investigate, right? Who cares! Just vote for who you want gone! It didn't matter that someone was dead! This wasn't about them, was it? 

It was eating him alive. He couldn't stand this. All he wanted was to do right by the one person who deserved it. And at every single fucking angle, he found himself obstructed. Liars. Abusers. Murderers. Monsters. This was lawless. This was chaos. He wanted to scream, tear his hair out. He wanted to punch out Atropos’ teeth, one by one. He wanted to snap Lachesis’ neck. He didn’t want to breathe anymore, if he had to keep inhaling this heady scent of bullshit. 

Everything settles into a dull sort of ring, a mindless cacophony of blaring lights and bells and whirs and whistles and excuses and whining and votes and excuses and whining and noise and excuses, excuses, excuses, whining, pleading, yelling. Ruri’s yelling at Beni, and it’s deserved. All of it, deserved.

To be honest, Beni deserved to die. Kesley could say that with confidence.

But he couldn't bring himself to vote just yet. How easy would it be to give in to impulse and make use of the opportunity he found, to use his vote in favor of casting Beni to the gallows.

But he couldn't. Something was wheedling at him. Or, to be more accurate, someone. The little pity party he hadn't asked to be invited to was distracting. 

Here's the thing. Kesley couldn’t fucking stand Beni, but you wanna know something? The guy was a monster. But at least he could own up to it. 

Own up to it. You know what you did. 

There’s a keening sound in his head, a snap of a sensation, and Kesley found his voice rising over Drew’s sniveling and crying. And when he opens his mouth, it’s not Beni he’s addressing.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, DREW!!” 

Never, not once, not even during his brawl with Beni, had he ever sounded quite so murderous. Every word, lethal, fatal, a declaration - ‘I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you.’

His grip tightened even further around the podium, painfully so, his arms straining against it. There was a dangerous sort of sound, an inorganic groan as the podium struggled to stand firm against his abuse.

“...So, finally got an honest answer out of both of you. So now it’s my turn, huh? Let me be honest now.” The words burn his own throat with all the poison he injects in every syllable. “I kinda wanna fucking kill you both right now.” 

He hates them. He hates them both. Fuck, does he hate them. He hadn't wanted to hate anybody. How fast he lost control.

“Don’t give me your holier-than-thou speech, Drew.” Sob stories don’t work on someone like him. “You’re not any better than he is. You goddamned piece of shit, stop trying to convince yourself otherwise.”

With every word he spoke, he grew angrier and angrier, black spots tattering the edges of his vision, snuffing out his peripherals. “You lowlife. You lying fucking snake, you’ve been yanking our dick around all fucking investigation and trial. You misdirected, you hid, you cowered while we were all running around like headless birds. Here’s what I’m getting. You hurt Tsukiko, and you lied about it. You lied to me, you lied to Roo, you lied to Yuuji, fuck. You just fucking lied to everyone! So why the fuck are you crying about how you’re not responsible? Tell me. What, exactly, makes you so fucking different than Beni?” 

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. He has to remember to breathe. Except he doesn’t want to fucking breathe right now. He wants to scream the air from his lungs until he asphyxiates.

“No, it’s even worse than that, isn’t it? Now that you're caught, you wanna cry about it? After everything you had us all go through, you still wanna say it’s not your fault? That you’re innocent? That you had nothing to do with this, even when you pushed a knife into her heart. That you were helping her instead of killing her? Don’t give me that bullshit!! Don’t tell me you were doing this for her, you coward!!” 

Kesley’s voice was steadily rising in volume, and still, he could barely hear himself. The words clenched raw and bloodied between his teeth felt like they were echoing from somewhere far away, and yet, they’re spoken plainly, clear as day.

“If you had really given two shits about Tsukiko, you would have been honest from the start! This should have been about her, not you! You wouldn’t have made us all go through this ridiculous, fucking sham of a trial! Did you have fun, asshole? Jerking us around? Watching us flounder? Try to fucking give this girl some peace? Admit it. You only cared about yourself!” 

He can’t stop. It’s like all those times he had someone down in the dirt, and he just kept kicking. All the time he tasted dirt, pavement, and he still kept running his mouth. Stop, stop, you need to stop. Stop, stop. You can’t stop. You just can’t stop. 

You really don’t know when to quit. You’re supposed to be better. You’re meant to be better. Everyone expected you to be so much…

“...Better.” He can hardly get the words out, he’s seething. “You were supposed to be better than him, you goddamned idiot! You weren’t supposed to sink past his level! You could have just gotten help! Then, Beni would have been solely responsible! What is wrong with you?!” 

What’s wrong with you. What’s wrong with you. Why do you keep destroying everything. Why do you keep making everything so much worse. 

…He won’t even look at Beni. He can’t. If he looks at that bastard, he’s going to kill him. He won’t be able to control himself. This fucking asshole. Fucking using him. Goading him into becoming his alibi. Trying to kill this poor fucking girl for a few pennies.

Kesley would have fucking killed for a few pennies. 

“...God, I don’t know.” Kesley threads his fingers through his hair. “One of you deserves to die for this. One of you deserves to die for what you both did to Tsukiko.” He’s just having a hard fucking time deciding who at the moment.