#NGL I wish I was into these situations myself so I could just... make the content i want

[shameeater]

Desperation

I feel frustrated trying to look for kink content centered around desperation... at first with omo when that was my thing, and then when messing became more of my thing, and remained so. 

I guess because content creators of this genre want to mess themselves, and it comes through in the videos. I just wish they would really make it convincing I guess? It doesn’t scratch the itch for me if it doesn’t seem like they’re fighting it or struggling. Pushing doesn’t do it for me, emotionless “oh no, oh I’m gonna piss my pants” doesn’t do it for me. 

Gas desperation literally isn’t a thing at all it seems, which is sad. No one puts up the act of being really embarrassed and trying to hold it in :\ I’m horny for the STRUGGLE. I’ve seen a couple of videos that do it for me where the creator really pushes themself to fight to hold things in until they come out, and that’s sexy to me. 

Humiliation as well is difficult, because someone may have the kink, but that doesn’t mean they can convincingly portray being humiliated when acting out a scene.

I wish I wasn't so picky about that because it’s annoying to not be into something that SHOULD be doing it for me but it does nothing 😭

[gaydexvocaloid]

nvm just saw one of my friends mock the fact that people like a character who is a Conventionally Attractive White Woman so i think i'm entirely justified in my paranoia

im gonna be fr and i don’t mean this 2 be malicious at ur friend, jst my genuine opinion ;;; but imo people who judge others just based on characters they like ( as long as the character isn’t inherently shit like rac/st or smth yk ) aren’t the best ppl.. i’m so sorry you’re around people who’ve made you b paranoid about just what characters you like T__T like there r so many other problems in the world and they choose to worry themselves abt what other ppl like.. likeee???.. it just sucks your worries aren’t just “worries” ,,, u deserve better ppg anon T_T

[sytoran]

𝐌𝐘 𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐃𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐒 | 𝐠𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐬!𝐧𝐚𝐭 𝐩𝐭.𝟏

you, a regular law-abiding citizen, saved the gods by accident. now, the goddess of lust, natasha, is going to grant you a wish. you could've had just about anything, but looking at the ethereal being before you, there's only one thing on your mind.

pairing: goddess!natasha x dom!fem!reader (G!P)

note: hello, folks! this is the long-awaited goddess!nat fic for the milestone event! i am quite proud of this fic, ngl... got a bit too carried away with some parts ;)

word count: 2.5k

the milestone event | main m.list | join the taglist | AO3

When you jumped in front of a speeding car to save a cat on the road, you had absolutely no clue that the cat was not, in fact, a cat.

This not-cat was a species of flerken, and it’s name was Goose. Flerkens were extremely dangerous alien creatures. At least, that’s what the Goddess of Galaxies, Carol Danvers, told you.

Trust me, meeting an intergalactic space goddess with a pet killing-machine (that looked awfully like a cat) was about as chaotic and unbelievable as you would imagine it to be.

—

“H-holy fuck!” you yelled, jumping in your seat, as a glowing woman materialised before your very eyes, in your shithole of an office. 

“I do not believe I am holy, even though I am a Goddess.” The woman stated, watching with curious eyes as you tittered over your split coffee. Lifting your laptop and muttering curses, then sifting through the messed up paperwork.

“You’re a what?” You asked distractedly, still panicking over the mess that is your desk. “My boss is actually going to murder me. Or maybe I’ll murder myself first. I am literally- Yeah, okay, how the fuck did you appear like that? And aren’t gods supposed to be like, really huge? You look kinda…… human.”

“I am a goddess.” Carol reiterated with slight annoyance. A literal extraterrestrial being was in front of your eyes, and the only thing you cared about was your damn coffee? 

“We are beings you could only ever fathom from the depths of your imagination, powerful beyond measure. Which is also why we can shapeshift to look like regular human beings, so we won’t scare the shit outta you. Which seems to have still happened.”

You let out a dry bark of laughter. Carol wasn’t sure if you thought she was funny or you were about to burst into tears.

“So, why did you decide to visit me, ever-powerful, omnipresent, all-mighty being?” You asked, half-sarcastically, half simply given up on life itself. The report you had been working on for nearly an hour had been ruined by the fiasco earlier. 

You dropped into your chair, kicking your feet up onto your desk. Loosening your black tie with a weary sigh, you looked at the Goddess’ eyes and continued. “I’m a nobody. I’m an overworked and underpaid attorney. I run on caffeine. I don’t know why or how you’re here, but I really–”

“You saved us. The Gods and Goddesses.” Carol interrupts, firm and unyielding. ��We owe you, alright? You get one wish.”

“One wish, to get whatever it is you desire. Anything. Anything at all.”

—

Your story was absolutely one of zero to hero. From an ‘underpaid and overworked attorney’, to having the fucking gods of the multiverse indebted to you, it seemed like a rather unorthodox situation.

“So… what do you want?” Carol had asked you. 

“Uhm, I don’t need anything,” you mumbled, fiddling with your loosened tie. “Like, it’s totally chill between us even if I saved your cat.”

Great. Real cool, Y/N. The middle school boys could never compare to your level of failed attempts at being cool.

“Goose is not a cat, alright?” Carol commented, offended. You mutter an apology. 

“So, what do you want?” she continued impatiently. “Humans thrive off greed. You mortals always want something. What is it, money? A fancy car? A boyfr– okay, not to be stereotypical, but you’re definitely not straight. So, women on your mind?”

You splutter at her outright but nevertheless true allegation. Carol gives you this blank stare that makes you feel stupid. 

“Well, I guess, as a woman, there’s something I do want,” you speak up after a while. Carol raises her eyebrows in interest. “Something I have wanted to try, you know.”

Leaning closer to whisper your deepest desire in the goddess’ ear, Carol’s eyebrows disappear into her hairline. Her impressed, intrigued, embarrassed, and taken aback emotions all morphed into one expression, almost steals a laugh from your lips.

—

“You want me to grant you a cock.”

The Goddess of Lust sits in her throne, a picturesque image of perfection, the statement falling from her lips with such ease. There’s a lilt to her voice you can’t decipher. You just nod, looking unfalteringly at the goddess, as if it was the most normal request in the world. 

The Goddess was slightly perturbed by your lack of, well, awe. There you were, standing in her grand palace, unfazed by the multi-million dollar chandeliers and gold-framed pictures, unfazed by her.

Natasha was just about the most exquisite sight people would kill to lay their eyes upon. Soft curls framed her delicately sculpted face like curtains to a stage, magnificent deep eyes and a more than well-endowed body to complement her pretty face. Her rose-gold dress of satins and sequins dripped with money. There was the thrall she exuded, of seduction so strong that had men and women falling to their knees.

Natasha was the Goddess of Lust for sakes, and the only thing you cared about was redeeming your wish?

She would’ve been annoyed, if not for how unfairly charming you were, standing with your hands in your pockets, a charming gentlemanly smile on your face.

“What kind of cock do you want?” Natasha resorts to ask, a playful smirk on her features. “I’ve seen some interesting ones over the years, intergalactic sex is far crazier than you would imagine. Ooh, do you want tentacles to-”

“Uh, no thanks.” You say hurriedly, a hand going out of your pocket to rub at your nose. It’s the first sign of discomfort or embarrassment Natasha’s seen from you. She grins. 

“Just a regular human one?” She clarifies, pouting at you slightly. 

“That’d be great, yeah.” You respond, back to smiling brightly. Natasha frowns. She knows that there’s something under that stupid gentlemanly facade you’re putting on. She’s craving to get a taste of it.

“What size?” The Goddess asks bluntly, like a Starbucks barista asking for your order on a Monday morning.

“A regular size would be fine, I suppose.” You respond in kind, nodding to yourself assuredly. Natasha winks at you. “Ah, a regular size, I see.”

Before you can decipher that cryptic response, the Goddess stands up, a pillar of superiority and authority. She snaps her fingers, and you’re being pushed back into a fancy chair. Where did the chair come from, anyway?

You forgo the answer to that question as the Goddess begins what you would assume to be the procedure. “Sit tight.”

A surge of pain presses against your crotch area, and you almost keel forward in shock, but the pain goes as quickly as it comes. 

“Wait….. that’s it?” You ask, almost disbelievingly. Natasha nods proudly.

You look down, hands resting on your belt buckle. 

You look up at the Goddess, and she only smirks. 

You pull down your pants in swift fashion, letting out a quiet ‘whoa’ at the bulge in your boxers. It definitely feels bigger than would be regular, but then again you don’t have much knowledge of a man’s cock per se.

“Thank you,” You say, pleased with the results. Trying something new in the bedroom would definitely bring more life to your desolate days.

All too quick for the Goddess’ liking, you’re putting your clothes back on and getting ready to leave. “Thanks for your help,” You say calmly, turning to walk down the long passageway.

God, you just wanted to watch her fall apart.

As you walk, you feel Natasha’ eyes burning holes through your back. Oh, the tension was palpable, building with each step you took. It was getting harder to walk, with Natasha’s thrall like a heavyweight on your shoulders, willing you not to leave.

As you stand before the tall doors, you come to a standstill. Natasha waits in her throne with bated breath, so many words fighting to fall from the tip of her stubborn lips.

Your hand pushes down on the door handle, and that’s the last thing you can do before Natasha snaps her fingers again, and the tension is broken like a snapped coil. Suddenly, you’re pressed against her, looking into her dilated pupils.

“You’re so annoying, you know? I’ve been so fucking horny, looking at you this whole time, and you were about to get up leave?” Natasha asks, her tongue coming out to dart at her pink lips. Her hands have grasped your forearms, but your hands are cinched around her waist, disabling movement.

“No,” you breathe, head moving down to trail open-mouthed kisses along the column of her poised neck. “I was waiting for you.” The Goddess throws her head back under your fleeting touch. 

“Fuckin’ tease,” she mumbles, and you smirk against her skin. You’re rough with her, too, knowing that she isn’t made of glass, sucking purple marks into the pale skin of her neck, shoving your knee between her legs to spread them wider.

“Too much clothes,” Natasha breathes, and then with a burst of magic you’re stripped bare of any article of clothing. Her hands fly to your cock instantaneously, wrapping her delicate fingers around your semi-hard member.

You grunt against her skin, struggling to find a better position to properly have her. Since she’s sitting in the throne and you’re bent over above her, you can barely have her the way you want. Due to your lack of magical power, you resort to doing things the hard way.

Your hands slide under Goddess’ dress, going under her thighs, and then manhandling her up. Natasha’s whines of disapproval turn on deaf ears as you sit yourself in the grand chair, plopping her onto your lap. You don’t miss the way her thighs are already slightly damp.

“Need you inside now, fuck,” Natasha growls into your skin, climbing onto your cock as your hands squeeze at her thighs. You proceed to rip the fabric off her skin, deciding that there’s too much clothing restricting you from getting your hands on her.

And boy, was that a sight you’d never forget. 

“Oh!” The Goddess cries, when you lean forward to wrap your lips around her hardened bud. Your hands don’t rest for a moment, squeezing everywhere – hips, thighs, breasts, ass — whatever you can get your hands on. She’s fucking exquisite.

The stimulation seems to work wonders for Natasha’s pleasure, as she engulfs your cock in her warmth with fervour.

You gasp lowly, a throaty sound escaping your lips. Her hips and ass go up and down, working her cunt around the girth of your cock, wet and warm and slick. You can barely keep up with how desperate she is, and the fact that you have this wonder of a woman falling apart at your hands makes your heart soar.

Matching the rhythm of short upward thrusts with Natasha’s riding makes her moan out loud, a pretty melodious sound that imprints itself into your brain all at once. You wanna hear it a hundreds of times more.

Natasha gets more messy with her riding, as you suck hickeys, light ones and fierce ones, into her collarbone and her neck and breasts. You can’t resist the urge to slap her on the ass as she rides you like it’s the last day she’d be on this universe.

“Ah!” The Goddess moans, and you grip her thighs and push her down hilt deep, and her eyes roll into the back of her head. You feel her cum around your cock, so needy and desperate and mindless, and that triggers your own climax. 

Natasha hadn’t even begun to open her eyes again before she ends up on the floor and you hovering above her, your hands fervently spreading her cunt open. You duck your head down, licking a long stripe up her puffy clit. 

The Goddess writhes, unintelligible moans falling from her lips as you proceed to give her the best fucking cunnilingus of her life.

You’re more than determined to make this an unforgettable experience for the Goddess who probably had sex every other day. 

Natasha doesn’t know what the fuck you’re doing with your tongue, but you’re ravenous and your carnal desire makes her even wetter than before.

She’s slept with plenty of people, human or not, but none of them had ever been this uncouth about her pussy. Oh, it nearly drove her mad, but she was already seeing stars.

Before the Goddess registers what’s happening, your hardened cock slides into her cunt with a flippant ease once again. Natasha lets out a filthy moan as she feels it throb inside her, clenching around you hard.

You slap her thigh in retaliation, but feeling the sudden strike of pain only turns her on further. “Gonna fill you up so good,” you pant. “You won’t be able to walk tomorrow.” 

Natasha takes it as a promise, when you spread her thighs and line your cock up with her pussy. The Goddess of Lust doesn’t think she’s ever wanted anyone this bad.

You enter her roughly, your previously calm exterior completely faded away. You fuck her deeper with each thrust, opening the Goddess up. Pounding into the woman’s cunt like a woman starved, you hear her beg and cry with each thrust.

“Oh, please! More! More!” The Goddes cries, nearly screaming your name every time your blunt head pushes against her cervix. You only get spurred on further, going at a pace so painfully fast you don’t know if you’ll be able to walk tomorrow.

You swallow at the sight of this Goddess, completely breathtaking in her state of unravelling. 

“My divine Goddess,” You say, leaning down to press a kiss against the bulge of your cock at her lower stomach. 

Those words in itself have Natasha uncoiling before you, your name falling from her lips like a sacred mantra. Her walls are wrapped around your cock so tight, her nails digging into your back so hard it nearly draws blood.

“My divine Goddess,” you repeat, eyes glazed over, reaching your own climax inside her. Natasha lets out a filthy moan, feeling each throb of your cock in her as walls of cum pulse inside her, again and again. 

God, it feels so good, everything everywhere all at once, your world becoming Natasha, Natasha, Natasha. 

You think you could stay like this forever.

—

A long bath and a trip to the Goddess’ bedroom later, you’re laying on her expensive silk sheets, hair smelling like rosemilk or whatever that shampoo had been called.

You honestly don’t know how this gorgeous woman’s been charmed by your awkward humour and the coffee stain on your work shirt, but you’re definitely not complaining as she nuzzles into your neck, humming in satisfaction.

“You sure that’s the first time you’ve ever had a cock?”

taglist: @natashamaximoff69 @ohsugar-honey-iced-tea @fayhar @bibliophilicbi @screechcat @rowanyaboats @nahnahnahwhat @the-night-owl-blr @nemowevoli @wannabe-fic-reader @natsxwife @wandsmxmff @enanna-h @jemilyswhor3 @manyfandomsfanvergent @jlsammy23 @spongebobs-tie1 @kiyozoe6778 @lovebelt05 @girllcver @godsfavouritelesbiann @natashaswife4125 @ezay @forthelesbians @wlwfanfictionss @forthelesbians @cowxpoke @supaheroine @saqua14 @olsensnpm @33_mrvl @gay4ols3n @knellyc30 @eatkobi @stitch26gp @cqllarbqne @lovelyy-moonlight @diannaswhore @wandaromanoff69 @shuriri4life @inluvwithfictionalwomen @Cooldogs02 @jedi-athen-orion @alyciaddict @blackqueensforeva @lovelyy-moonlight @gingerninja1993 @yourfavdummy @iliketigolbitties @scarlttolsn @blackbirdv98 @mxxnligxt @riomiyawakisstuff @alex4424 @0DeadandCold0 @mr.romanoff @mandy-asimp @idontwannabehereatm @daenerys713 @xxsekhmet @marvel_simp @maowlxslay @lizbugwanda @peggycarter3 @flositaa @dooblekhay @aliherrerasz @theo-021 @hopelesslyfalleninlove @secretbackrooms @natasha10273 @justyourwritter69 @theo-221b @wandaromanoff69

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the milestone event | main m.list | join the taglist | AO3

[neopolart]

Hello! I loved the SMAU you did with the boys, my heart is weak for drama/angst, and the Xavier part? Delicious

So, i read your rules but if my ask makes you uncomfortable i absolutely understand!! Can you do pegging with Xavier and Zayne? The only contents i found with pegging had just Rafayel and Sylus 😭

Pegging - Scenario Love and Deepspace

Warnings : Sexual themes.

Genre : Smut

Characters : Zayne and Xavier

Gender : Female.

Word count : 2k

Notes : Hello!! I am absolutely happy to know you liked my writing!!! Angst with comfort are my favorite genres, ngl. Thank you so much for your request and your kind words, i hope you like it too!! I assumed the MC would be female, but if is not please let me know!!

Growing up, Zayne knew you had strange ideas or tendecies.

After knowing you for so long, how could he not ? From your strange jokes that only you laugh, to the pointless questions that only made him sigh in exasperation. Yet, nothing really prepared him from your request after his long shift at the hospital.

'You know,' he hears you mumbling. He was changing clothes, his muscles sore and screaming in pain after the emergency surgery he had to undergo. 'I know this may be the worst moment to bring this up, since you are very tired and definitely need to sleep, but...' Your hands help him to take off his coat, your hands squeezing the sore muscles on his shoulder 'You always said i could always speak to ou about anything, especially if involves a new kink..."

He turns his head to look at you from the corner of his eye, his eyebrow arching slightly, waiting for you to continue.

'I wanna peg you'

'...Peg me?'

'You know what pegging means, right?

'I am familiar with the term, yes. I know it took a lot of courage for you to bring this up, and i promise i wont forget this subject, but can we talk about this tomorrow?'

'Of course, im sorry, i was so anxious to talk about that-'

After that, he had his very needed night of sleep and brought up the conversation again in the next day. It was merely to talk about where the idea came from, precautions and safety, after all, he was never the one to deny your requests without even trying before - especially if that involved a new kink.

'Talking from a point of view of a doctor, i would need a few days to prepare myself for that' he stated, his back turned towards you as he focus on washing the dishes 'Just as it can be pleasurable, it can also be extremely painful without proper preparation. '

And that is how he found himself on this situation. After he spend days using his own finger to stretch himself, he was now laying on his back with his legs draped overyour hips. There was a thin layer of sweat on his naked body, his cock completely hard and dripping precum on your hand.

"You look so beautiful right now..." You say, stroking his shaft slowly and with a firm pressure.

The strap-on you were using was slim, pink silicone with not more than five inches, enough to give him pleasure without causing any harm, and was covered with lube. His body was completely relaxed and, as soon as he nod to you, you finally press the tip against the tight ring of muscles, carefully to not hurt him. Thankfully the preparations he had done to himself had maken easy for you to fill him, his face, always so composed and neutral, writhing slightly in a mix of pleasure and pain, his body tensing up. You only stopped when the entire lenght of the dildo were inside of him.

When he finally relaxed completely, you started to move. His sweet grunts of pleasure echoing in the room, your skin slapping against his as you start to fuck him, trying to remember how he used to fuck you against the matress.

"Come on pretty boy" you whisper, your breath hot against the crook of his neck, his body shaking from the movements. Never before you wished so bad to have a cock, imagining how warm and tight he would be around you. "I need to hear your sweet sounds, to know how good i am making you feel"

He whimpered softly, feeling your breasts sliding in his chest with every movement you make, your hand on his cock making his brain tingle with hot, raw pleasure. Is that how you felt when he was fucking you? That burning feeling of pleasure that barely fits in your body? He could feel every inch rubbing against his interior, hitting perfectly his prostate.

"P-Please..." his voice was shy, trembling as he tried to compose himself, trying not to fall apart from how good it was.

You kissed a trail from his jaw line til his collarbone, sucking his skin until a purple mark appeared, your hand stroking his shaft even faster, completely wet with the pearly liquid of his precum. He was falling apart faster than before as you whispered praises on his ear, his moans and whines now leaving his lips as a second nature for him, his arms wraping against your neck and pulling you closelly, capturing your lips against his own and kissing you desperately, the wet sound of your lips mixing with his moans and slapping sounds. Would you receive noise complaints from neighbors? Definitely.

As his moans and grunts grew louder against your lips, you put a lot more effort, ignoring the burning sensation on your muscles, your hand stroking his cock fervently. Pulling apart from the kiss, you watch how the silicone dildo fucked his way inside Zayne, his puckered hole stretched around the toy, almostr trying to pull you more deeper inside of him.

It only took you a few more thrusts till he finally came with a deep and hoarse moan, the whitish and viscous liquid wetting your hand, some splashing on his stomach, painting it white. You milked his cock with a few more pumps until nothing else comes out, his glans red and his cock wet with cum.

You pulled out of him, throwing the strap-on away. Quickly you cleaned up your own slick from your tights and the cum from his stomach before laying on his side, chuckling as he wraped his arms around you, hiding his face on your neck.

"Did you enjoy it?" You asked curiously, your fingers stroke his hair carefully.

"...Maybe we can try it a few more times, if im not required on the hospital." You grin listening to his hoarse voice, knowing that it was the aftermath of the pleasure he received.

"Do your legs feel limp and wobbly?"

"Yes." he whispered, his ears turning red with embarassment.

It wasn't a secret for Xavier that you always had a liking for his ass.

When he bended over to pick up something, change clothes, take a shower or even with his sweatpants, you eyes always seems to roam or your hands found a way to squeeze him, so, when you told him you wanted to peg him, it wasnt a surprise at all.

'Xav' you started, laying next to him on the couch, your legs resting on top of his thighs 'I realized we never really talked about our kinks and things we liked on the bed'

'Hm, what is the motivation all of the sudden?' he asked, his voice soft as always.

'So, i was scrolling through my phone and i found something very interesting--'

'Yes i'll let you peg me'

'Its something called pegging and-- excuse me?'

'I knew you could end up liking this kind of thing, so i jumped ahead and read about that. Already bought the toys and prepared myself.'

'H-How did you even know?' he smiles lazily as you tries to hide your face in embarassment. How could he know? Weren't you being careful?

'With how much you make jokes about eating me out or breeding me' he chuckles with your whine 'It was obvious how you felt' he stared at you lovingly. 'That and the porn site on your unlocked cell phone with the tag pegging showing on the search bar-'

And when you asked oficially, he said yes again. After all, who he was to deny such a sweet request from his beloved? Yet, it didnt help with how anxious he felt when the time come.

He was on his stomach, his ass up to your direction. His breath became a little more faster as he felt your weight on the matress, right behind him. That is how you felt the first time you two sleept together? This knot on your stomach?. Your hands roamed around his body, carresing the curve of his abdomen and chest, your touch tender and kindy, easing the tension from his muscles.

"Are you nervous?" you ask, kissing his back softly, seeing his eyes darting around nervously. "It's not too late to refuse, you know? We can take a good shower, eat a few snacks and sleep"

"N-No!" He said quickly before taking a deep breath "I want this, i promise.

He looks at you from the corner of his eye, half his face hidden against the pillow. His eyes burned with desire, showing how needy he was at that moment. Your gaze searched a sign of hesitation or disconfort in his face before you give him a reassuring smile, positioning yourself behind him while pouring lube on the strap-on and massaging the circunference of the silicone until it is completely wet, pressing the tip against his hole. Your hands roam his body, caressing the warm skin before stopping on his ass, squeezing the plump flesh of his cheeks, watching his once white skin turning red before you spread them, exposing his puckered hole before you pressed the tipagainst him, watching as the dildo force his way inside him, stretching him to fit its entire lenght.

You pay attention to his body and, as soon as he relaxes, you hold his waist with one hand and the other goes under him, starting to stroke his hard cock as your hips begin to move, the dildo going in and out of him.

His back arched as soon as you hit his prostate and, unable to control himself anymore, his hips started to move, meeting your with fierce, his face contorting against the pillow and muffled moans leaving his parted lips.

You kissed his back, your breasts pressing agains his hot skin and thumb pessing his glans, feeling how wet it was from his precum. You started to suck his back and shoulders, leaving a few marks behind, making the man under you to whimper softly. You wanted him to look in the mirror and remember how you fucked him so good. You wish you could leave marks on his neck as well, but unfortunately you didn't want the attention of the Association staff.

The noises were growing louder each moment, his back arching even more with how good it felt, being fucked mercilessly, the pleasure numbing his mind, everything he could think was how deep you were inside of him, his body shaking with how hard you were hitting his prostate, his cock pulsing against your hand, hard and wet, begging for release. He tried to bite the pillow to muffle his moans, but your whine on his ear quickly made him stop.

"Such a good boy f'me" you praised him, your breath hot against his shoulder, his skin covered in sweat "My precious bunny, aren't you?"

"F-For you ngh" his voice was hoarse from all the moans and cries of pleasure, his eyes glowing with tears "so good aah"

The sensation of the silicone pressing his sensitive walls combined with your strokes on his hard shaft threatened to send him over the edge earlier then he wanted to, his stomach tensing and twisting, urging him to let go. The tears ran down his face, some falling on the pillow and mixing with his drool.

Your fingers dig into his waist, bruising his flesh with your nails. After a few thrusts you feel his body shake, a hoarse growl leaving his lips and your hand getting sticky when he finally cums, his eyes completely rolled back in ecstasy. You thrusted inside him slowly, milking him to the last drop during his post orgasmic wave. When he finaly calmed dow, you kissed his spine softly, watching proudly the amount of hickeys you left on his body. You pulled out of him, quickly cleaning his body and bringing him a cold glass of water to cool down his sore throat.

"That was fun, we should do it again another time" Your words sent shivers down his spine, his gaze turned to you, a small smile forming on his face.

"Yeah... We should"

[dadsbongos]

Heyyy (ノ^∇^)

Idk if you write for him, since I barely see any other writers write for him😔, but would you be willing to write for Toshiro? 🙏🙏🙏

I love that man soooooo so fucking much but there barely any concent of him where it's not about his fight with Laios and it's frustrating ngl-😭😭

A thought that has been in my brain for quite some time now, is like— sorta like an arrange marriage type of situation where they started off awkward but then one of them (in this case, Toshiro) started to have fallen head over heels for his spouse who has been secretly falling for him first

Just the thought of him, barely touching his spouse on their wedding night because they just got married to some stranger (probably, or maybe they knew each other but not necessarily close?) to then sharing a passionate night with them❤❤

I'm feral somebody hold me down-

i wanted this to be longer but lately i've been... funky so its some bland honeymoon shiz before i scare the hoes with toshiro bugfucker truthery

1.2 k words / warnings - reader has a pussoi, honestly this is more fluff than explicit but smut is the setting frame, not super proofread ~~~

“Do you…” Toshiro clears his throat, “Would you want to share a bed tonight?”

You paused, blinking up at your new husband stupidly before jerking your head to the side, “I’m not sure…”

“I’ll make a separate place for myself again, then.”

“Well, no, that’s not necessary…”

Black brows furrow down at you, “I’m a little confused.”

“As am I,” you confess, eyes tracing the hardwood floors with a soft sigh, “I’m just concerned with what you’ll think of me after I’m honest with myself.”

For a long while, Toshiro is perfectly still. Then his heart squeezes, blinking at you numbly, “I’m sorry?”

“What if I humiliate myself? Or I’m too eager?”

Oh? 

“How could you be too eager?”

Gaze stuttering from his framing baby hairs to his gentle eyes to his slim waist to his legs. Tender flesh obscured by a jade yogi. Black hair cascades over his shoulders, shining beneath flickering candle light. Cheeks flush and lashes fluttery.

“You couldn’t imagine.”

Oh! 

Toshiro smothers his shock with a hand over his rising mouth, looking away from you, “I don’t think that’s true.”

“You don’t?”

“Not at all,” Toshiro clenches his eyes, even the wrinkle in his forehead captivates you, “I didn’t want to scare or intimidate you by seeming too eager.”

Scandalized, you gasp, “Toshiro!”

“I know… I’m sorry if that’s unsettling to hear.”

“But is it true? You aren’t saying this for flattery’s sake, are you?”

“I’m not.”

“Then we’re both eager.”

“We are,” he confirms, clearing his throat before gesturing to the futon you’re designated to share, “Do you want to share the bed tonight?”

Just asking twice makes him feel uncomfortable, though he supposes the entirety of your engagement has been uncomfortable.

(“I insisted to my father, I’d find my own partner…”

“Sorry, if I’m disappointing.”

“No, no. I just… would have wished to not drag people into our lives.”)

You’re a bit more outgoing than himself. He prefers you to take charge, but suddenly you’re shy. Clamming up and awkwardly shuffling onto the mat. Legs pin straight and boring holes through his skull with a wide-eyed stare.

“Would you mind showing me?” he murmurs, “I feel you’re more… experienced in these matters.”

“Does it bother you that I am?” you frown suddenly, “Maizuru seems to hate it…”

If he hadn’t rushed to tuck his head down, you would’ve caught his vicious eye roll, “Maizuru doesn’t know what I want.”

“So, it doesn’t bother you?”

“Not at all. I find you just as pretty.”

Thankfully, his stammered and jumbled admission appears to soothe the tension in your shoulders. Rocking forward onto your knees before apprehensively tugging open the part of his thick robing.

“You might be the pretty one in this marriage.”

He’s forced to choke on his retort as you’re kissing up his freshly exposed thigh. Wandering hands shirking the thick material off his shoulders and combing through silky hair. Uneven pants lace the air, chapped lips parting to wheeze your name. Warm palms cup your cheeks, fingers toying around the bone of your jaw and thumbs rubbing beneath your lashes.

Coaxing you onto your feet, Toshiro cups your cheeks fully and he’s muttering. You’re not sure if he’s meaning to whisper sweet romantics for you, and you’re tempted to ask for clarity when he abruptly snaps you onto your back.

Nose digging into the junction of your neck as Toshiro folds your legs to cradle his waist. 

“Can I speak plainly?” he requests, fingers digging into the fat of your thighs before scaling up your tummy to peel off your own sleepwear.

Jolting shoulders and arms up to make the disrobing easier, you nod rapidly, “Of course!”

Still, his eyes are closed to avoid catching sight of your potential horror or displeasure, “There are many things I want for us to do, but tonight I’d like to stay this way.”

“Look at me,” you pet through his hair, kissing the corners of his downturned mouth and the bunched skin between his eyebrows, “Won’t my husband look at me?”

Slowly, he heeds your command. Long lashes batting your thumb pad. He squeezes the round of your thighs circling his bare waist to strangle the urge to run. To flip himself over and let you do as you please. To not put himself out there and let you see him any less proper.

“I’ve been fond of you since we met,” you crane up to smooch his forehead, the heat from his face searing your lips. You rather like the sensation.

“So long?”

“How couldn’t I be? I like men shy and reserved, though I think I’d like you more if you could break out of your shell when we’re alone.”

Toshiro returns his face into your neck, hips snapping to impress his hardening cock against you. Breath hitching when he’s embraced by wetness, shoulders tensing -- so this is happening.

Loneliness plagued Toshiro his entire life, even following reconciliation with the Toudens -- it isn’t as though he lives in Melini, after all. Instead he’s occupying his father’s place in their family, on Wa. 

Your engagement was his only respite from the gnawing solitude, and now you’re dedicating yourself to sides of him you haven’t even seen yet.

His slow thrusts are stiff and mildly pleasant until you coo and snag fingers into the divot of his tailbone. Pushing his hips to roll into yours, black pubes brushing your clit and curling a real whimper from your lips. Toshiro stares down at you at the sound, fumbling a moment to snare your thighs tighter around him before eagerly repeating the motion.

Canting up to meet Toshiro’s efforts rewards you with a warm stretch and soft squelch as your hole adjusts around him. Huffy pants escape the man above you, chest dying red and hands bruising your hips. 

He’d never liked someone as much as he liked Falin, but he’s thinking -- even through delirium and heat and lust -- that maybe he could love you.

Pitching up on your elbows, you whine quietly into his cheek with more lavish kisses. Toshiro greedily turns his head to capture your lips with his, praying to drown his rhythm-less, virgin embarrassment in your saliva.

You don’t finish. You say you’re okay with that. Toshiro isn’t, it feels selfish.

“Please, let me…” his fingers skim over your stomach before dipping between your thighs and tracing the sloppy, soaked seam of your cunt, “I want to.”

“Do you insist?”

Toshiro feels unnaturally bold, swallowing around syrupy desire. He nods, “I do.”

.

.

.

days prior.

Hands swept tightly behind your back, you carefully observe the way a common copper beetle is ticking around the hanging tree leaves. Fascination blazes your eyes wide, and lips coiled upward.

Toshiro hadn’t meant to actually see you. He wasn’t even aware you were still on the premises, certain that having his fiance so close before their wedding night was some strain of scandal. 

Nonetheless, you’re here. And you’re admiring the fuzzy legs of a mere beetle.

As far as he was aware, people were not fond of beetles. Butterflies or moths, maybe. Not beetles. Hien would squish them instantly, and even Inutade tried maintaining distance. 

You smile upon the creature, paying no mind to the outside world.

Toshiro wonders if you could smile upon him that way, too.

~~~ yes toshiro starts liking you bc you’re admiring a bug that moment in the manga was so significant to his character and to me and ill be damned if i dont get to add onto it

[realitycanbewhateveridesire]

ABOUT MY ARCANE DR <3

ngl, talking about my dr feels so embarassing

In this reality, I am the second Kiramman daughter and younger sister of Caitlyn Kirmman by 3 years. Due to me being kidnapped as a toddler and...shenanigans happening I guess, I spent a big portion of my childhood in the Undercity/Zaun living with Vander as part of his makeshift family. I haven't thought much about my place in the story, but I am supplying the Firelights with info and tech from Topside and trying to help as much as I can while living in Piltover (and kinda under the watchful gaze of my parents). There's also the part, where I basically died in my CR and got isekai'ed into Arcane-verse.

To be honest, I am just dropping myself into the story with only a barebones backstory and no idea what I wanna do.

☆ MY BACKSTORY

i am just gonna directly drop what's currently in my script here

(also please, just keep in mind that i based my backstory kinda on a fanfic and also am horrible at writing stuff. and i apologize for it being kinda long and goofy...and frankly, not making sense in some parts. i'm sorry vera leigh, please forgive me.)

In my first life (my CR life), I was a mediocre girl-woman-child. One, dissatisfied with her life. Age-wise, I barely made it out of the girlhood. Still yet, I lacked the maturity of an adult and desparately clung to my fleeting childhood years. I clung to childish daydreams and fantasies. Dreaming of life filled with wonder, comfort and magic. I was spoiled and ungrateful for all the things others have done for me. That life ended rather pathetically. At the age of nineteen, being hit by a truck after trying to cross the road.

I was floating in the vast nothingness. At ease, almost unfeeling, unthinking. Numb. It was the strangest feeling. I felt…almost glad. Satisfied.

That peace did not last, it seemed, as I was pulled, torn, from it and made to wake up anew.

I was born again on a late morning/near noon of February 28th 973 AN, a second child and daughter to Cassandra Kiramman and Tobias Kiramman. As Lillian Kiramman. Sister of Caitlyn Kiramman.

I had no recollection of my past life. Not yet, at least. It would only come to me later on.

I was a difficult and needy child. Unaware of it at the time, I was born with the ability to “dream”. Not prophetic visions of future, but visions of the present. Those mental images came to me in bursts, sometimes threatening to tear at my sanity bit by bit. The resulting outbursts went far beyond that of a normal infant/small child. It made me wail and cry, and scream for hours on end, without a sign of stopping. Day and night. Hitting my head with my tiny hands in distress, until a maid or nanny would come to pry them away from it. Little could calm me, aside from the calming touch and proximity of one of my parents. Especially, my mother. Yet even then, it didn’t seem enough. My suffering tore their hearts, as they tried to find anything to help me, to fix it. Fix me. They had various doctors check my health, spoke with scholars and psychologists, etc. But nothing helped as they still couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. Between the helplessness and exhaustion, the situation overwhelmed them. Even as they loved me fiercely, they couldn’t help to sometimes wish for an “easier” child.

Those thoughts would come back to haunt them, after I was kidnapped as a mere toddler.

With the violent and cutthroat nature of the Undercity’s/Zaun’s criminal underbelly, it didn’t take long for my captors to be eliminated by their rivals. Following the chaos that ensued, I fell through the cracks. Ending up in the streets, before being taken to be a part of experiments conducted by a chem-baron. I was rescued by Vander, who took me in.

I spent the next years living with him and my adopted siblings: Vi/Violet, Powder, Mylo and Claggor.

At the age of around 13 years old, I took part in my siblings’ attempted heist on the Kiramman workshop/Jayce Talis’s apartment. The one ending up in the explosion caused by the hextech crystals. After that, we tried to lay low. Until we couldn’t.

And when Vander was kidnapped and my older siblings went on to rescue him, I was left behind in the Last Drop alongside Powder. And snuck out along with her, wanting to help/save my siblings.

In the end, we failed. I failed. Left unconscious among the rubble, miraculously without any lethal injuries. It was Ekko, who pulled me out of there.

And when once again, I was back on my feet even if barely, injured and running from Silco’s people as they hunted me down. I fell into the hands of enforcers.

After the Sheriff Grayson’s death, the enforcers were in disarray. My arrest case ended up getting mixed up with another case, leading to them taking a DNA sample from me. And accidentally discovering that I was the lost Kiramman child.

Marcus took this as yet another opportunity to give himself credit. As the one who arrested me, he would take all the glory. He fabricated an entire story about Vander, the Hound of the Underground possibly being my kidnapper. Of him brainwashing me into thinking of him as my family. A tale he presented to my family, in case I decided to run my mouth about his involvement in Sheriff Grayson’s death.

I was “returned home” to my biological family in Piltover.

As expected, I didn’t take well at all to this new development. I might have been a Kiramman by blood, yet I grew up as a Zaunite. My heart belonged largely in the Undercity. Furthermore, I was envelopped in grief surrounding the deaths of my adopted siblings and adoptive father. As my parents tried their best to undo the brainwashing, they assumed I was under.

To add salt to the injury, it was only by the age of fourteen, that the memories of my prievious life and my reincarnation returned to me. Only then, I became aware that I was reincarnated into the world of that distant past self’s favorite story.

It was already too late to prevent the tragedy, which split the two sisters apart. But I knew the trajectory of what would happen in years following.

I focused on getting stronger. I’ve honed my skills with the firearms. Picked up martial arts.

From young age, I exhibited a keen intellect, curiosity and thirst for knowledge that surpassed my years.

I’ve devoured any piece of knowledge I could. I collected knowledge from anything I could get my hands on and devoured books on various subjects amd topics. I educated myself about Runeterra as much as I could.

Throughout my childhood in the Undercity, I flirted with the idea of exploring my powers. The people performing experiments on me, were also quite interested by my ability to “dream”.

At the age of fourteen, I found it could prove a useful tool for my plans. I delved into my visions, almost sacrificing my sanity as I memorized all that could prove useful. I tried to get my hands on books about occult and magic tomes. Hoping they would give me the answer, one that I was looking for.

In the end, I achieved partial control over my “sight”, alongside awakening some other powers. The visions still came to me in my sleep. But most times, I was able to control it. Control myself in my dreams as I travelled wherever I wanted, separated from my physical body. In my dreams, I walked through the Undercity’s streets, burning every shortcut, nook and cranny that I’ve never seen before, into my memory. I’ve seen the inside of Noxian warrooms, the farmlands of Demacia, the ice-covered lands of Freljord, the beauty of the Ionian archipelago, the Bilgewater ports, the jungles of Ixtal, the sands of Shurima. And much more. Yet, my attention remained mostly on Piltover and Zaun. And the people, I once saw only upon a screen. Those, I knew in this life.

I observed Powder as she evolved into Jinx, under the aegis of Silco. I observed Vi, in the Stillwater’s Hold prison. I had observed Viktor and Jayce, as they developed Hextech. I had observed Ekko, as he persevered and with the help of others, created the Firelights.

The Kirammans were Jayce’s patrons. And he was somewhat of a family friend and an older brother figure to Caitlyn. It was inevitable for us to interact and become acquinted with one another. And while we never became as close, as him and Caitlyn, we somewhat got along.

It is through Jayce, that I met Viktor. With my parents trying to control who I interacted with and him being the first Zaunite living in Piltover that I met and the only Zaunite I was (begrudingly) allowed to interact with, he instantly became my friend. That and his sarcastic nature, which instantly made me like him.

Ekko was already a close childhood friend of mine. Despite my parents’ watchful gaze and them guarding me from anything Undercity-related, I was accustomed to sneaking around in the shadows and hiding secrets. Courtesy of having grown up as a Fissure-native. Ekko tracked me down. I tracked him too. We had a reunion, had a talk. About everything we’ve been up to, everything that has happened to us. Ekko brought me up to date in regards to the Undercity (I knew of some developments already through my powers). He told me about the Firelights. In the end, I became a secret informant and ally of the Firelights. Supplying them with info and tech from Topside.

...

(and that's basically it for now lol. i'll admit my backstory's unfinished. i'm just inserting myself to shift sometime close before the act 1 of season 1 events and letting stuff happen from there.)

In terms of powers and fighting, I gave myself basic things like combat skills, flexibility and speed to avoid getting killed. I haven't even fully specified in my mind what my "sight" ability is but it's sorta a cross between prophetic dreams and astral projection. I'm also probably gonna give myself airbending or waterbending. Simply because I can.

....

And...I guess that's all I have for now.

If you managed to get through that wall of text, then thank you <3

[starwikia]

suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

[heyidkyay]

And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Twelve

Matty Healy x reader

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way? 

Authors Note: This part took way too long to write. Had a bit of writers block ngl, but I managed to get it done last night when I couldn't sleep. Be prepared for a load of fluff but also some surprises. It's a good chapter, I enjoyed writing it once I finally got into it! But I'm also sorry for long wait! Hopefully the next will be along soon.

> Just a reminder! We left off on the red carpet with Mouse and Matty:) You can look back here if you'd like!

Masterlist

Mouse Updates! @/MOAMupdates 22m ago GFC Charity Event! The gals are currently live and interviewing The 1975! So far we’ve had Jamie Bell, Peter Capaldi, Dylan and Jordan Banjo! 2TIME @/user1 WHAT was that? 102 @/user2  chemistrychemistrychemistry Ugh! @/user3 SHE COOKED FOR HIM?? Soloveme? @/user4 What’s going on at this event?? It’s all over my feed😭 MILK @/user5 Screaming this is honestly all so mental Parisin75 @/user6 Wait so they’re friends now? Or is something else happening?? > Too_shy @/user7 Last time I checked but he seemed so happy on the carpet, and he wouldn’t look into the lens at all. His eyes were always focused just above it, either on Adi or Mouse! >> Drumonmepls @/user8 Couldn’t have been Adi!! She was to the left of Ross on and off screen!

***

It was days after the event that things seemed to finally settle again. For Matty, at least. Me? I was still getting the odd DM and tweet here and there, but I couldn’t complain, not with how it had been at the very start. Hordes upon hordes of people had come to make their opinions known on the stance of Matty and I’s ‘sudden’ friendship; fans had taken to both Twitter and Instagram, they’d called into the show, and a few had even turned up outside of the studio.

Matty had been helpful throughout it all though, mainly just finding ways to take my mind off of it and sending security down to the building just to ‘be on the safe side’. It’d been a nice gesture, sweet even. But had also meant that his management team had cracked down on him and the band, cooping the lot of them up in a recording studio and pressing them to finish up the album they were currently working on.

That in itself hadn’t affected me much, the whole Matty being distracted by work thing, because it had happened around about the same time that prep work for the Christmas period had kicked in. Which was basically a time where Adi and I focused on pre recording a few shows so that we could sail smoothly into the new year.

This year it had been hectic, to say the very least, but Finn had been a Godsend. Offering to pick up Teddy from nursery on the days when we were filming late and even keeping him occupied on the one weekend that we’d lost the previous day's audio- which had been a fucking nightmare.

Today though, was finally a day where I got some time to myself. Well, myself and Teddy, seeing as I’d completely and utterly missed him even with only having been gone a few extra hours in the day than usual. Still, the kid was my little ball of light and without him I’d be utterly lost.

“Alright there, Teds, what’re you drawing?”

It was a Sunday, the 17th to be precise, and so we only had a week and a bit left in the lead up to Christmas. I’d spent the morning wrapping most of Teddy’s presents before he’d woken and demanded sustenance- which, fair enough. But he was always a little moody whenever he first woke up. Bit like me, I suppose. And so, whilst I’d started cooking him his breakfast, I’d settled him down at the table with some paper and pens to keep him distracted, an old album by The Cranberries playing.

“Plane.” The toddler retorted easily enough, tongue poking out one side of his mouth in utmost concentration.

Grinning at the small action, I settled a cup of juice before him and then stroked a hand through his unruly hair. “Is that for mémé then?”

Teddy hummed, nodding his head at the odd angle it was resting at. I chuckled, always enamoured by his every little thing.

“That’s brilliant, bubs! I’m sure she’ll love it.” I assured him softly, trailing my fingers through his hair one last time before withdrawing to finish up with cooking.

“How many days?” Teddy asked once I’d plated everything up and taken my seat beside him at the table, immediately I knew what he was on about- seeing as he’d only asked the same question a dozen times a day since the last time we’d phoned my mum.

I pretended to think about it long and hard. “Um… about this many days.” I said, holding up six fingers.

Teddy’s brow instantly furrowed as he set about leaning as close as he could get over the tabletop to point towards each of my fingers. “One, two, three…”

“Six!”

I beamed once he’d finally got it, clapping along with him. “So good, you clever boy! Six- six days til mémé gets here!”

Teddy repeated the words in a breathy murmur, grinning gummily back at me as he wiggled in his chair. Then it was just “six” over and over again for a short while.

I tittered faintly to myself, shaking my head before we went about the rest of our breakfast in much the same manner.

It was almost ten to eleven when the doorbell went and I frowned at the thought of who it could possibly be.

“Mum, door.” Teddy informed me, still so invested in his colouring. I hummed softly in turn, wiping my hands before getting up to go answer it.

“Remember to put the lids back on.” I reminded him about the pens, tucking his hair behind his ear as I rounded his seat, “I’ll just be a sec, okay?”

“‘Kay.”

I smiled softly at his monosyllabic reply, listening to him mumble to himself as I padded my way into the hallway. From here I could just make out the darkened shadow standing on the other side of the door’s paned glass and flicked through a mental list of who it could possibly be, wondering if I'd forgotten anything that was supposed to be happening today. But I reckoned it could just as easily have been Finn dropping by for an impromptu visit, or Adi even.

Flicking the latch and pressing down on the handle, I opened it up only to blink at the figure that stood before me. They gifted me an impish grin as they pushed away from the door’s stoop and onto steady feet.

“Figured I’d just pop by, say hello.” Matty mentioned by way of hello, fiddling with an unlit cigarette he held between his fingers whilst I continued to stare back in surprise, “Studio’s been booked for the day, so I managed an easy escape.” He added when I made no move to reply, “Thought we could grab a coffee or something- if you ain't busy, that is.”

He tacked that last bit on in a rush, as though he was beginning to understand why I was so silent. He’d really, really caught me off guard here.

“Er, I mean it’s a bit out of the blue and that. Should've really texted, I know. But I figured I'd try my luck.” He blundered again, shifting awkwardly on my front step now, looking enough out of place for it to finally blink me out of my stupor.

“I-” I went to say but was ultimately interrupted by another voice from further inside the flat, one that was approaching on toddling feet all too fast for me to react to its sudden presence.

Matty’s eyes bulged a tad at the little face that poked its way out from behind my knees, and mine followed when it finally hit me what was actually happening. 

“God, sorry! You just- it’s- I just wasn’t expecting you.” I fumbled, arms reaching down on impulse to pick up the toddler by my feet. I forced out a heavy breath before plastering on a big smile for Teddy, who only seemed to have eyes for the curly haired man staring back at him. “Um, you wanting to come in then? I can do tea, I think. Coffee, even.”

I didn’t really give Matty much of a choice in the matter though, in truth, because I was sailing away to escape the sudden scenario that had started on my doorstep, simply so that I could wrap my head around it all. It was just as I made it back into the kitchen that I heard the door rattle close behind us though and then, as I'd perched Teddy back in his seat, I glanced up to find that Matty had in fact accepted the offer of a warm brew.

It was strange to watch it all fall into place for him, his eyes straying over toys that littered the livingroom floor, the tiny bike which sat in the corner, the star-chart that hung on the cupboard above the fridge, all of Teddy’s artwork and clothes that had been thrown about haphazardly over the last day or two.

I swallowed around my anxiety then, not really sure how I felt now that I knew that Matty finally knew. Because see, I had never really been sure. Teddy wasn’t much of a well kept secret amongst my longtime listeners but I didn’t go flaunting pictures around or mentioning him at every turn. For safety reasons and privacy’s sake. So I hadn't been too certain on whether Matty knew of him or not, having noticed that he’d failed to ever mention him in our texts or calls.

“Um, sorry for the mess. Work’s been a nightmare, and this is my first proper day off in weeks, you know? So." I shrugged a little helplessly, looking out at all of the chaos, then decided to pull on my big girl trousers and trek through this mess like I did everything else in life. “Tea, then? Or coffee?”

The small cough that escaped Matty’s throat echoed around the room once he’d found purchase in the kitchen’s entryway and his voice was tinged with a slight rasp when he finally spoke, “Yeah, uh yeah, please. Coffee.”

I smiled mostly to myself as I turned away to refill the kettle, my mind still whirling but finding relief in Matty’s obvious shock too. Whilst it began to boil though I had nothing much to occupy my mind with, so I decided to putter back on over to the table where Teds had started back up with his drawing and attempted to relax my shoulders. 

“Go on, sit down,” I said to Matty, pointing to a chair as I tried to steer us back into easier waters, “Feel lucky you just missed breakfast, this one tends to get it everywhere.” I chuckled lightly in hopes to fill the quiet I was met with.

Teddy glanced up at me then with a prominent pout, obviously not too pleased about my comment.  “No.” He argued and I heard Matty snort as he finally took a seat opposite, leaving Teddy to act as the buffer between us both.

“Uh, yes.” I fired back at the toddler, but little good it did me when Teddy only seemed to maintain his avid disagreement. 

“Uhuh. I eat it all today.” He reminded me, lips pushed out as his brows climbed higher up his forehead, leaning against the table’s edge again on his elbows. “See?” He added on, pointing a finger over towards where a sink full of soapy dishes now laid.

I smiled, unable to do anything but, though it was Matty who actually replied to him, which both surprised me and put me on immediate edge. “I mean, the little guys got a point. If you ate it all then there can’t be any mess, right?” He directed that last bit towards the little rugrat attempting to evade all guilt and I paused in wait to see how Teddy would respond.

Teddy appeared wary for a moment, blinking over at Matty in a startle, probably having not expected to be roped into a conversation, before his lips settled into something more like a grin. “Right!” He mimicked with a short nod of his head, his ‘r’ sounding more like a ‘w’.

Matty all but beamed at the sudden attention he’d drawn and continued to do so once Teddy started prattling away to him at a hundred miles an hour. I just left them to it, listening in as I padded back over to finish making the drinks. 

It was only after Matty had just about knocked back most of his coffee that Teddy grew tired of talking and asked if we could do something fun, eyes drifting over towards where we often kept his wellies. I knew just what fun he was looking to find.

I conceded easily enough, seeing as it was both his day as well as mine, and smiled with a gesture of my chin, “Go on then, but brush your teeth and find some proper clothes, then we can head on over. Alright?”

Teddy’s head shook up and down in rapid succession, already bolting up out of his seat to make a run for his bedroom. Matty wore an inquisitive look once it was just him and I, both of us sat on opposite sides of the table.

“The park.” I informed the singer, fiddling with the handle of my now empty mug whilst my eyes kept sliding back and forth from the counter to Matty himself.

The man simply hummed and leaned back in his seat, I was forced to watch on as he cast his eyes about the rest of my kitchen, taking his fill now that he had a moment to finally do so. I swallowed and struggled with the unforeseen worries of what he might see, what he might think of it all.

I wasn't well off, by any means. But I had a decent income, enough to provide for Teddy and I, as well as live comfortably. Though if the radio show suddenly dipped and we lost most of our viewing, then there’d be a whole different story to be told.

Even so, it was a much different life to the one Matty lived. That much I knew. So it wasn't too strange of me to wonder whether or not it met any of his standards. And how it alone made me feel.

“How old then?”

The question startled me somewhat, enough that I blinked and looked up at him without thought. My brows furrowed a tad and so he continued, “Teddy- was that it?” And at my nod of confirmation, he smiled at me for another answer, “How old is he?”

Caught off guard still, I gaped for a second and then forced myself to reply, “Um, four, he’ll be five soon enough.”

“Wow.” Was what Matty replied with in a soft murmur, his head moving in an ever so slight nod, “A good age though.” At my questioning look, he chuckled, “Or so I’ve been told.”

I hummed, mostly amused, then fiddled with one of the many pens Teddy had left behind at the table.

“They’ve all been good so far- the ages.” I said to him, rather stupidly, and grimaced around a low laugh at myself, “Just, I mean he’s a good kid, is all.”

Matty was smiling at me when I glanced back up, his eyes squinting with the strength of it. He knocked his fist on the table lightly, “Seems it. Just wish you’dve mentioned him sooner.”

I frowned at that, lips pursing as my nose wrinkled. I didn’t much like the way he’d phrased that last bit, because it’s not that I wasn’t proud of Teddy, I was always showing him off, constantly even. But I also didn’t feel as though everyone had the right to see to that. “Yeah, well he’s not a secret I’ve kept hidden. It’s just safer mostly.”

It was Matty’s turn to frown then, seemingly offended by the offhand remark. “What and that includes me, does it? You think that I’d be a danger to him?”

I stared back at him, brow dipped a tad, eyes squinted. Because I hadn’t meant to hurt him, far from, though could he really blame me for being cautious, for having wanted to keep Teddy away for as long as I had? 

“No,” I answered him, and it was an honest one, “But only now, after having known you as long as I have. I mean, you can’t really be surprised by the fact that I didn’t mention him in the beginning, Matty. I hardly knew you! I’d only ever had the picture that’d been painted of you in my head, I didn’t want that around him.”

He scoffed quietly at that and I heard the way his boot kicked out under the table as he shuffled further back in his chair to run a hand through his hair. “Yeah and what about now then?”

He had me there, I supposed. I sighed and raised a hand to rub at my tired eyes, this wasn't a conversation I had planned for yet, let alone on a morning like this.

“It’s hard, okay? It’s hard to know when to introduce him to new people, he’s only ever really known those closest to me, and after that it’s just been his nursery teacher and the handful of kids in his class.” I explained, watching Matty and hoping he heard the truth in my words, “And you’re this fucking celebrity people love, you’ve got places to be, fans to meet! I never once thought that you’d stick around, not for as long as you have at least. Or that you’d eventually pull me into your life.”

He looked up then, expression so carefully made. “And that’s a bad thing?”

I folded in on myself a little at his question. Unsure.

Matty rolled his lips together and dipped his chin in a slow nod, “Right.”

“Matty, it’s not like that.” I tried.

He was quick with his reply though, all but leaning into the table’s edge now, “Then what’s it like, Mouse?”

He hardly ever called me Mouse, from the day we’d met it had always been Squeaks.

I dragged a hand over my face and then into my hair, perhaps in hopes to bide my time, but mainly because I felt cornered. How was I supposed to tell Matty how much I valued him? His chaotic presence in my life, his texts and calls, his friendship. It was something I hadn’t known I’d needed, but he’d come along and surprised me. He had stuck around, even when I thought he wouldn’t, and he wasn’t asking for anything more than just my company. He didn’t have an ulterior motive, some trick up his sleeve. Or at least that’s what I believed.

“Does this change things, knowing I have a son?” I heard myself ask him, it was a genuine curiosity but I also had to know. I didn’t want to be strung along or let Matty into Teddy’s life like I had Finn and Adi, only for him to then up and leave when he finally grew bored of the normality of it all.

Matty simply stared back at me, those brown eyes of his narrowed as they flittered back and forth between my own, his lips parted slightly as he thought the question over.

“Do you want it to?”

And that hadn’t been the answer I was expecting.

Instantly I shook my head, dropping the pen so that my hands could fall limply into my lap. “Of course not, I like having you around, Matty. Me keeping Teddy from you has nothing to do with that.”

He continued to watch me.

Then finally he conceded with a prompt nod and I felt myself breathe in. “So, the park. Is there a spare invitation going?”

I let the air go in a stilted chuckle, smiling at the common ground he’d gifted us but also at the image of Matty messing about in a playground of all places. “Yes, yeah, ��course.” I assured him, “Just, be prepared for any puddles, alright? He will soak you if you're within five feet of the splashzone.”

Matty finally laughed too, this soft thing I hadn’t really ever heard from him before, not in this way at least, and then grinned, whirling around in his seat when a stomping toddler came darting back into the room.

“Wellies ta!”

My eyes fell closed as I released another heavy sigh, “Please! Teds. Remember? Please, not ta.”

Teddy merely blinked back up at me and so I decided it would have to be a battle picked for yet another day. 

“Fine, go get them then.”

Matty snorted unhelpfully, which brought him to Teddy’s attention once more. “Need help with ‘em, little man?” He asked, raising a brow at me in hopes that it’d be okay.

I swallowed but ultimately nodded, I couldn’t not when Teddy’s curls started bouncing wildly with the nodding of his head at the question.

And so, I watched them go, Matty taking Teddy’s extended hand, praying that I hadn’t made a massive mistake here. Hoping that somehow Matty would prove me wrong and stay, for a little while.

–

The days after Matty’s impromptu visit came with little to no fuss, it was only when the man wasn’t in the studio that was on the phone to me- and by extension, Teddy as well, who’d taken quite the shine to him. Who could’ve known, hey?

Still, it was a massive change of pace. For me at least, I hadn’t managed to get a read on how Matty felt about it all, but I had yet to worry over it. Mostly because of the Christmas period and how stressed I’d been.

“Finn, I swear he’s driving me out of my mind!” I complained down the phone to my best mate, the thing was currently perched between my shoulder and ear whilst I attempted to throw my hair up into a half-arsed bun, if only to keep it out of my face. “The mess! I mean, it’s like a tornado’s gone and ripped its way through my flat!”

“He’s four, babe.” Came Finn’s unhelpful response. I huffed.

“Exactly! Four, how can someone so small create such a massive mess?” I stressed, trying to clear away as much of the clutter my living room was presently made up of as quickly as I could. “Mam’s gonna be here in,” I glanced hurriedly over at the clock on the far wall and felt my anxiety spike, “Just over an hour! I can’t let her walk into a bombsite!”

Finn laughed at that and so I scowled in retort, even if he couldn’t see me through the phone.

“Finn!” I admonished.

“Alright, sorry! It’s just, she’s your mum, babe. She won’t care what the flat looks like.” He tried to soothe me as he moved about on the other side, doing whatever it was that he was doing. “Why’s he made such a mess anyway?”

I gritted my teeth as I stepped on yet another rogue piece of Lego and just dropped down to start rounding everything and anything I could possibly see into a great big tub. 

“He’s excited, wanted to look nice for when mam shows up but also wanted to showcase to her all of his drawings and sculptures.” I told him, grimacing at the penstained action figure I picked up before tossing it amongst the heap too. “I’ve been in the kitchen mostly, cooking for when she arrives, so I didn’t really bear witness to the fact that he’d taken my permission and flipping run with it! You should see my front room, Finn.” I shook my head for the umpteenth time since I’d walked in and blinked at the chaos I’d been met with, “It’s a proper tip.”

I was given a resounding chuckle once more and simply decided to slump there on the floor, glad to note that most of everything had now been packed into the box. Out of sight, out of mind and all that.

“Finn, I don’t even want to go and see what his bedroom looks like as of right now. I can just picture how his wardrobe’s been overturned and all of his clothes have been tossed about the room.” 

I forced myself up onto my feet then, halfheartedly listening to Finn’s reply. I still needed to sort myself out before anything else and that thought alone stressed me out further.

And of course! Of course it would be in that exact moment that the doorbell went.

“Fuck.” I mumbled to myself, but found my feet already taking me towards the door. I paused only briefly by the mirror to catch sight of the mess my hair was in and tugged it free in hopes it’d help somewhat, “Listen babe, sorry for all my whinging but I’d best go. Door’s just gone and I’m guessing it’ll be that parcel I’ve been waiting on.”

“Cutting it pretty late there.” Finn said and I couldn’t agree more. It was the 23rd, Christmas was now only days away and still I’d yet to receive it- even after having ordered it well over three weeks ago!

“Fucking hell, tell me about it,” I groaned, opening the door up to be met with the sight of a big wrapped box blocking my vision. My forehead wrinkled in utter confusion, “Um, Finn? I really am going to have to call you back.”

“Why, what’s happened? Don’t leave me hanging! Who is it!”

The parcel dropped down an inch then to reveal a familiar grin and shining eyes. 

“Surprise?”

I hurriedly hung up the phone and shoved it into my back pocket, the feeling of bewilderment unable to override the instant worries that washed over me about what a state I must've looked. But I bullied those thoughts back down, ignoring the massive part of me that was currently screaming at the entire situation, for whatever reason I couldn’t even begin to really understand, cause it was just Matty, right? And instead propped myself up against the doorframe.

“What’s this then?” I asked, unable to help my smile when he was looking back at me seemingly so pleased with himself.

“Christmas, in’t it?” He replied all too easily, shaking the rather large present he held in his grasp to further the point.

“I can see that.” I chuckled, shaking my head a little at the picture he made, all bundled up on my front doorstep practically dwarfed by the box he’d brought along. “I just thought you were headed home today.”

He shrugged, an action that was made funnier by the large parcel, but continued smiling, “Meant to, just couldn’t leave without seeing you lot first.”

I blinked, startled by his words. But grinned when he merely widened both his eyes in exaggeration.

“It is fucking freezin’ out here, you know! Could invite a mate in.” Matty reminded me, so I hummed, mulling it over. But he wasn’t one to give up too easily and bribery appeared to be his best tactic here, “I’ve got presents. So open up or they’re going back.”

I narrowed my eyes in turn, “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, but darling I would.”

I found myself grinning at him again, something I tended to do whenever he was around it seemed. There was just something about him, I supposed. 

He went to take a step back then and I relented all too easily. “Alright.” I laughed, opening the door up wider to allow him in. Matty all but jumped over the threshold, bringing the cold in with him, and whilst he set about shaking off his coat I went to close the door behind him, only to be stopped by a bright red coat.

“Oh, thanks.” I said in surprise to the postie that managed to time his arrival so perfectly. “Thank you,” I repeated for good measure, shooting my head up from the packaged parcel he’d handed me, “Happy Holidays!” He grinned in return, already taking off back down the steps and parroting the same sentiment to me.

I finally managed to shut the door after that and was met with a ruddy-faced Matty, who was wrapped in a big jumper I was immediately jealous of.

“Last minute present?” He wondered with a smirk and I waved him off.

“Ordered it weeks ago, got here just in time.”

Matty hummed and turned back to glance down at the big box that now rested against my hallway radiator, level with my hip it seemed. “Where is the monster?” He asked me, using the name both he and Teddy had taken a liking to.

My brow furrowed slightly. “You really didn’t have to, Matty.” I said to him quietly, looking down at the present he’d gotten for my son. 

He was having none of it though, rolled his eyes in fact and hunched over to pick the box up again. “Shut up.”

I snorted and couldn’t help but bite back, “You shut up.”

“Real mature, sweetheart. Ain’t you parents meant to be all boring and nice?” Matty quipped as he wandered his way into my living room, I breathed in a sigh of relief when I followed behind and found that my efforts in cleaning hadn’t been in vain.

“Ha ha. Should’ve taken up comedy.” I retorted to him, fixing a few pillows that sat askew on the settee, something to which Matty also rolled his eyes at.

“Nah, band makes more money.” He answered easily, like he’d thought about it before, as he glanced about for the best place to put the box.

“By the tree if you want, or you can leave it next to the chair so he’ll see it when he barrels in.”

Matty laughed and went with the latter. “You been alright then?” He asked me, taking the time to glance at all the holiday cards that rested on the mantelpiece nearby.

“Yeah,” I sighed with a small smile, “Hectic but that’s expected, isn’t it?”

He shot me a warm grin, nodding. “Christmas, babe.” Was all he replied with, which was fair enough, then he went to reach out to pick up a picture frame of me and a very very tiny Teddy. “When was this?”

I stepped closer and smiled down at the photo, “I was still in hospital with him then, my midwife took it.”

Matty hummed, looking down at it with a soft smile. It was then that I heard a thump sound somewhere down the hall, so I released a weighted breath and forced myself to step away, “I’ve got to go check on Teddy, he wanted to dress himself this morning and he’s been way too quiet.”

With another laugh, Matty let me go, nosing through more of the photos and cards which sat along the shelf. Something I could understand, he’d only been here just twice before, but even still, he didn’t care for how blatant he was with his nosing. 

I took the parcel with me as I went, slipping into my bedroom to unwrap and grin down at it. It was Matty’s, which is why its arrival had been so perfect. I'd begun to think that I would have to give it to him the next time I saw him. But now was as good a time as ever.

In a rush, I pulled out a gift bag and some coloured tissue paper, having no time to actually wrap it, and plopped it in. Making my way into the next room to see where Teddy had gotten to.

When I pushed his door open further than it was, I was only slightly surprised by the state of it. The rugrat in question, though, was stood by his wardrobe door, pulling an array of funny faces in its mirror.

“Oi mister, what you been up to?”

Teddy startled slightly at my voice but was giggling when he spun around to spot me. “Got dressed myself.” He stated, pointing proudly at the t-shirt he’d managed to pull on.

“Hm, so you have!” Taking in the jeans and tee combo he’d picked, I then grinned over at him, “Looking good, boyo. Could be a little stylist when you’re older, you know!”

Teddy gave me one of his impish grins and then darted over towards me. “No!” He dragged out in reply, hands clutching at my legs now he was near, his sweet mischievous face staring up at me, “Gone be like you.”

I had to press my lips together then to keep the strength of my smile at bay, his words making my heart swell. “You little charmer.” I chuckled, running a hand through his unruly locks, “Come on though, you’ve got a visitor.”

His eyes widened as he jumped back to rock onto the balls of his feet. “Mémé?” He asked excitedly and I almost felt bad about it not being her, but I knew how much Teddy had also grown to like Matty in the recent days so I wasn't too fussed.

I shook my head, “Not yet, soon though. But somebody else came to see you.”

Teddy’s eyebrows rose as he thought about who it could be and so, knowing that we could possibly be here all day, I started to steer him out into the hallway.

“Finny?” He asked, then, “Santa?”

I snorted, then shook my head to both. “Nope and no. Why don’t we just go see, hey?”

And with that I pushed the door to the living room open wider and watched on as Teddy gasped at the sight of the curly haired frontman standing by our settee.

“Matty!” He all but squealed, practically catapulting himself across the room to make a dive for the man.

Matty laughed, though also seemed startled by the reaction he’d garnered. He swept Teddy up though, all the same, and jostled him around before settling the toddler on his hip, eyes bright with something when they glanced over at me. I smiled, a heavy feeling settling itself in my chest.

“Alright, mate? What you been up to?” Matty asked Teddy, falling back onto the cushions behind them and stationing the toddler next to him.

Teddy replied in earnest, excited to tell Matty all the tales he had stored away since the last time they’d spoken, which had been a few nights previous over a FaceTime call. 

I shook my head in amusement and trailed over towards the kitchen, silenting motioning to Matty to see if he wanted a drink. The answer, as always, was yes and so I set about brewing him his usual, along with my own, taking the time to clean myself up a bit too.

By the time I walked back in, Teddy had just about finished telling Matty all the details of his last day at nursery (they’d had a party), which I’m sure the man had already heard about, but who acted as though it was the most brilliant story he’d ever been told. 

“One coffee.” I said in greeting, placing the two mugs onto coasters before taking a perch on the armchair by them.

“Ta.” Matty replied, grinning madly when Teddy cackled gleefully and repeated the word over and over. I rolled my eyes at the pair of them and took a calming sip of tea, unaware of how much I’d been in dire need of it. Whoever claimed Sunday’s were a day of rest, were liars.

“He spotted it yet then?” I asked aloud, already knowing the answer seeing as how I didn’t currently have a bouncing Teddy on my hands.

The toddler’s face wrinkled in confusion and he shot his head over to see me, I grinned from behind my mug. “Huh?” He sounded.

Matty hid his next snort well but then hummed too, pushing forward in his seat to grab at his coffee. “Oh his present, you mean?”

That had Teddy’s head spinning. “Where!”

“Manners, bubs.” I reminded, and Teddy nodded so quickly I was honestly a little worried about the whiplash he might face before his eyes were back on Matty.

“Please, present?” Teddy asked, pouting up at the curly haired man with a sudden urgency, his words butchered by his missing bottom teeth.

Matty chuckled, glad for the fact that he’d put his coffee back down in the toddler's haste, and then gestured his head over to the right. “You mean that one?”

Teddy’s eyes, if even possible, widened further, eyebrows reaching the tips of his curls and mouth dropping open as he finally spotted it.

“For me?” He gasped in awe, shuffling down Matty’s leg to approach it, all of his movements now slow as if his shock was stopping him from reacting typically. 

I leaned forward to watch on and Matty did the same, obviously nervous for Teddy’s reaction.

“For you, mate. Was walking by this shop the other day and spotted it, thought of you.” Matty told him seriously, smiling too whilst he wrung his hands together, foot tapping anxiously away, though unaware of it.

Teddy looked back at him, chewing on his bottom lip carefully, taking two more steps before he was touching the wrapping. He oohed at it softly to himself but I caught the way Matty’s face brightened at the sound.

“‘pen now?” Teds asked, his eyes drifting away from the gift, towards me and Matty both.

Matty looked over at me then too, the same question echoed on his face. I nodded with a small smirk, “Go on.”

Teddy’s eyes lit up and he spun back around to marvel at it once more, “W’ats it?”

The snort that escaped me at his ask went unnoticed by the pair as Matty moved to join the toddler on the floor. “Gotta open it up and find out, I ‘spose.”

Teddy’s grin brightened and then he fell to his bum so that he could pull the present closer. “Help?”

Matty blinked at the request and I was witness to the way his throat bobbed before he nodded, “Yeah, sure mate. Here, pull this, alright?”

Teddy did as instructed, tugging on a small opening in the wrapping. 

I noted as he began to tear away at it, how oddly wrapped it really was, meaning that Matty had probably taken the time to wrap it himself. My chest tightened again at the thought.

“Box.” Teddy announced once all the wrapping paper had been discarded on the rug behind him, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from outright laughing at the befuddled expression he gave Matty.

The man had no qualms though, simply chuckled at the question and leaned in closer to force one side of the cardboard box up a little, “Gotta open up that too, monster.”

Teddy’s brows drew together in concentration as he followed Matty’s lead, forcing the lid open more before a loud gasp escaped him. Matty went back to wringing his hands, fiddling with the rings on his fingers whilst I moved over to the settee to get a look too.

My expression faltered at the sight of the beautiful gift Matty had given Teddy. Inside the box rested a guitar in an incredible shade of deep blue, it was small enough for Teddy to hold whilst also being big enough for him to grow with. Even with my obsessive love for music, not once had I ever really thought about buying Teddy such a thing, not one of this calibre at least. It must've cost a fortune.

“Matty.” I whispered, but the man didn’t even spare a look my way, eyes trained on my toddler, trying to garner his reaction.

“You know what it is, mate?” He asked after a moment and Teddy’s little head dipped in a slow nod. Because I knew he knew, he danced around constantly pretending to have one in his hands whenever we had the tele or radio on. Where there was music blaring, there would also be a Teddy playing air guitar.

“‘tar.” Teddy stated in a soft voice, both Matty and I smiled at the way he said it, but the former nodded, pulling the instrument out of the box so that Teddy could get a closer look.

“Cool right?”

Teddy nodded silently again, reaching out a hand to carefully touch the wooden neck, blinking and reeling back when a string strummed. Before he then giggled and reached out once more.

Matty seemed to slump in relief, evidently glad that Teddy liked it. But I’d go as far to even say he adored it, never had he ever been so gentle with anything.

“Have you got something to say to Matty, Teds?” I prompted, ignoring the way my throat caught at the emotion I felt. I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around it.

Teddy pulled his eyes away from the guitar to gaze up at Matty as though he was something other. I merely blinked at the reaction and before I knew it Teddy had thrown himself into Matty’s arms, startling the man a tad. Matty welcomed him after a second though, glancing over the toddler’s head to share a look with me.

“T’ank you.” I heard Teddy muffle into the collar of Matty’s jumper then, actually saying the words this time. It seemed Matty knew what that meant too, because he tightened his hold on Teddy’s waist a little.

“You’re welcome, mate.”

The rest of Matty’s visit was used to teach Teddy a bit about the basics of a guitar, managing to play an E minor and get started on an A chord. Teddy listened to Matty with rapt attention, barely sparing anything else a second glance, which was startling for a toddler, let alone Teddy who was constantly go, go, go.

Watching them was all too lovely as well. For someone with such a cool front, Matty seemed to melt around Teddy, succumbing to that of the boy’s charm and easy going nature. It was sweet to see, surprising but endlessly sweet. Had me losing track of time, in truth. Which is why I jumped and cursed the way I did when the door finally knocked. 

“Mémé!”

[funnywormz]

I think this shitshow with Toshiro stems from the trend of people INSISTING that interpersonal conflict must be a moral failing. Like I think there's something to be said about how people afford so much less patience to people who are autistic in the "wrong" ways, but also Laios and Toshiro just clash on a fundamental level that has nothing to do with that. Hell, you could read Toshiro as autistic as well. People related to Laios' side of the argument but instead of getting any nuance out of it they started projecting their experiences with ableist people onto Toshiro.

AGREE AGREE AGREE. i think that Fandom Brain gets people very used to thinking of conflicts in terms of "who is the bad guy and who is the good guy", so when they encounter a more nuanced conflict they don't really know what to do. i don't think toshiro is a bad person at all, in his conflict with laios he's just exhausted and starving and has been pushed to the limit and from his perspective, laios doesn't even seem that emotionally affected by the situation. i don't think what he said was right and it was pretty cruel, but i don't think he's a villain or deserves to be permanently hated as a character just bc he fucked up this time lol

also yeah you could definitely read him as autistic, and i think that highlights an issue in the autistic community in general bc like....... a lot of autistic people have conflicting needs which can lead to conflict between them/make them unable to stand being around each other. and it's not because either of them are neurotypical or bad people, they're just incompatible. like autistic people who loudly stim vocally and autistic people who meltdown when they have to be around loud noises, for example. it doesn't mean either of them is bad or not autistic, just that they have conflicting needs

i 100% agree with the last part too. i disliked toshiro at first myself bc i had been (and still do ngl) projecting onto laios hard and the conflict they had reminded me of times when people have been mean or angry at me irl for social blunders i've made unintentionally, or when someone i thought liked me/was my friend turned out to actually hate me. it's a common experience for autistic people and that scene resonates with that! but i think it also helps to take a step back from projecting our own traumatic experiences onto the scene and just look at it objectively. laios isn't perfect either and he's the one who actually starts the physical fight by slapping toshiro (i feel like i don't see many people mention this lol). i feel super bad for him in that scene but he's not a perfect victim and has done things wrong himself too

as an autistic person i've also been in situations where i can relate to toshiro too lol, like where someone is overly physically and emotionally familiar with me when we don't know each other well and i've wanted them to back off but haven't been sure how to say it without hurting their feelings. this kind of conflict is far from just being a "neurotypical vs neurodivergent" thing as a lot of people portray it in the fandom

idk i just wish people would think a little more deeply about the scene and put their own emotions and experiences aside to instead consider the conflict with the added context of the individual characters and their respective cultures + the situation they're in. people don't have to like toshiro but i wish they wouldn't paint him as a villain or make up awful shit about him just to justify their feelings when he isn't even that bad of a dude in canon yknow 😑. also we literally see him at rock bottom struggling and freaking out and i think that's important to remember. in a different context i doubt he would have ever said those things to laios

[shiawasekai]

Would love to hear about one of your crow fellas for bingo :)

kqjhdkasdas Hi, Emi! You truly opened Pandora's box there as in I spent a while seeing which bingos came the most interesting beyond The One Blorbo

Anything in green is feelings I have specifically about their Second Arc selves... Also under cut or this is going to get pointlessly long.

First is my son Yukiya because of course he is!! Here for me to scream. I would say I can fix him, but honestly the people capable of fixing him is a terribly select group and I'm aware I don't fit the profile...... as for making him worse, there are people way too good at it, including himself. I can't compete in that category either. Someone save him

I was 50/50 on the normal guy energy because he plays the part for a chunk of the story, but that's never who he has been. Also I say parents but let's be real who he needs is Azusa, keep Yukimasa away. Fuyuki is unavailable although that would be a fascinating meeting ngl.

Then Oomurasaki no Omae/Yuuzemi because I still feel a deep desire to dissect her like a bug whenever I think of her dedicated short story. Absolutely fascinating read that makes me wish she had more focus even if I understand it wasn't narratively realistic. Plus, she got attention on multiple short stories which not all secondary characters can say.

I deeply, deeply pity her because ultimately she was made into the woman she became and I really don't know how I would have coped myself with her situation. Badly, that's for sure.

Now Hamayuu because if i'm doing her aunt it only feels fair (?). I just need more on her right now so badly, com'on Abe Chisato there has to be a reason behind that which you aren't telling us and I'm screaming. I need to know!!! I need those two to get closure from what happened pls i'm pleading here.

But do not call her parents. I know she loves them but they were........ not great people

Now Chihaya to keep the gender ratio equal and to go for a fun option (?)

I mostly want to punt him into the sun so he talks more ngl, it's very loving punting I swear. I went with fucked up but really I'm honestly surprised how comparatively un-fucked up he is compared to other members of the cast despite his background.

Love his normal guy energy in a story where that's kind of a rarity. He deserves the best... Not like the story has any kind of chill with him, because why would it??? I'm going to scream

Now I could go with the ultra spoilers version of my explanations under request and under the biggest read more in history because I hold All the Spoilers for western fandom. It's too much power for a meme.

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Hello! Firstly I wanted to say that I'm an old fan since your overwatch days and I've always admired how much depth you're giving all the characters and relationships you touch! I'm talking like, mariana trench DEPTHS. And how confident you seem about just doing the things you enjoy and exploring the themes you want? I really respect that.

I'm having a bit of an art crisis recently and I was wondering If you could offer some advice?

I'm thinking about self-indulgence in art, particularly fanart. I like to dive in deep to expand on characters, I find it as enjoyable as creating my own work. But I fear of people getting angry at me for latching onto these characters, thay they'll say the original work wasn't THAT deep, or that I'm completely wrong or cringe or whatever. And I don't care about being right or anything, I just want to have fun here and tell my little stories? :( The fear is making me keep the work to myself and I don't know what to do. Would it be better to just enjoy it on my own?

Your blog really is goals when it comes to that, so I'll respect your opinion a lot. Thank you for your time!

holy moly thank you so much for your sincerity first of all!! Second, this is making me misty eyed ngl!! I have alot to say about this so i shall put it under a read more bc im gonna ramble

If someone cares about you fixating on your fave characters, then they're usually the fucking weirdos in this situation if they dont just block you and move on. I LOVE making shit up about my faves like i have a modern au hc that kakashi and gai are ddr competition rivals and i gave yeehan 7 dogs just for funsies!! we were in the trenches in early overwatch making up our own lore bc there was none and it was so fun

I've always been like that now that i look back bc when i first started uploading my shitty ms paint fanart on deviant art in like 2006(naruto funnily enough we've come full circle) i was still drawing cringey shit /I/ wanted to see. I don't agree with almost all of it today, but i remember the fun i had while making it, and that's really the trick. Drawing what you personally want to see then people can come and go audience wise. If they like it, they like it, if they dont? oh well! There's people who still follow me from when i was 14 and i follow them even tho we're in completely different spaces now.

The fanart part i vibe with personally bc im really bad at coming up with totally original work and premises. i much prefer having pre-established rules and worlds to work with (plus the characters i love getting massacred in the writing i HAVE to save them)

Just existing online will garner you mean comments or asks, and my best advice is its not worth it to take the bait even if its absolutely absurd and wrong, i just block and go now, and im much happier :) this all being, of course, as long as what you're doing isnt harmful, bc even with good intentions, you'll mess up/blunder eventually. If the heat gets too much for you, no one will judge you for withdrawing your art from social media. thats a perfectly safe thing to do to keep it for yourself.

As an adult, shits not that serious im 28 drawing naruto fanart bc it makes me happy after a long day of work, so have fun!! art's supposed to be fun don't let the fear win i love sharing my art with strangers on the internet!! Hope this made any sense at all and I wish you the best, my friend!!! If you ever wanna dm me, feel free

[pommunist]

I don't wanna say this under my own name because I'm friends with too many Quackity fans, but god, everything about his actions just makes me think that what he cares about is just avoiding legal trouble and protecting his own public image

And maybe also about his friends to be fair

(I mean to his credit, I don't think he cares about money either)

He says he's doing all this for the viewers, but I guess that doesn't include the viewers who care about the French streamers or the French characters

And I don't see any hint of him genuinely caring about the workers. This is not how you treat someone you care about. He keeps implying that he can't talk to anyone because of "leaks" but what the fuck could be so bad about the "leaks" that it justifies this kind of disrespect? Why is this secrecy more important than the needs of the workers?

Nobody's asking him to reveal his biggest secrets to the workers, everyone is just asking for him to TALK to them at least, and hearing them out

He also says he can't talk because he doesn't want to make false promises, then just say that! Again, nobody asked him to promise them a job in the future, we just want him to be honest and respectful! Just tell them directly that you don't know yet and listen to their thoughts on the situation! Ask them how you can alleviate the inconvenience if it's within your means! Just talk to them like they're fellow adults who are capable of having a reasonable conversation! Because they are!

The union mentioned that some of the workers had basically been told by management that they should be grateful to be allowed to work for Quackity Studios and ngl, I wonder if this is not only the view of higher management but of Quackity himself too. That's the question I keep asking myself and not daring to say out loud: does he see the lower level workers as just fans who should be happy they were even allowed to participate at all?

- 🐧

First I never mind anonymous asks so no problem dont worry !

Second I tbh don’t want to assume what Q true intentions really are because heavy speculation isn’t productive and can lead to more stress in general. However I think that we can agree that he isn’t doing it all for the money, given that we’ve always known QSMP was never and problably even supposed to be a profitable thing (just the hosting and translation costs alone point to this).

That said, I do agree that everything that has been done up to this point and since Lea started to reveal things seems to be more damage control and trying to avoid legal issues than actually trying to be fair to the workers. This isn’t even speculation if you consider the sudden firing of Twitter admins and the silent towards all the other admins.

Obviously, when you’re a company or an individual you wanna avoid a lawsuit at all cost. It is a logical business move, morally I don’t agree with that mindset ofc, and I also feel like it’s a misunderstanding of the intentions of most of the admins.

I don’t know any of them personally but none of them, so far, have publicly said they wanted to take the legal route or even sue Qstudios. In fact, most if not all of them have expressed their love of the project and wished for it to continue with better working conditions. Some admins also said they didn’t care about getting paid, that volunteer work was fine if they had done it without the stress and pressure. Side note if it ever comes out that some admins want to take the legal route to make their rights be recognised and be compensated then my full support to them.

As if he is doing all this for preserving his image (i say IF) then what a terrible job he’s doing. I hope I’m making very clear that QSMP and Q’s image with french speakers fans (and non fans, and other French Ccs) is in literal ruins.

Also I feel like there was a genuine wish to add different cultures, I’m talking specifically about the French and BRs here, but an underestimating of the work it takes to actually merge people from different backgrounds and that it goes beyond just putting CCs from all over the world on minecraft with a translator. The fact that there was no FR, PT or KR speaking upper admin at all in the team baffles me to this day.

Worst thing is that we probably only know like a fraction of the overwork, miscommunication and intimidation that went on behind the scenes. Heart aches for all of those who went through it. All the love to them ♥️

[marengogo]

QUICKIE - 4: Queer Realizations and Acceptances

Part of Your World - by Halle  [The Little Mermaid]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺—

Ladies, Gentlemen and Distinguished Enbies, how have you all been?

As I’m writing this, the schedule for FESTA 2023 was just released so, i’ll make sure to post this today, so I can focus on it 🤩🤩🤩.

Hope you haven’t allowed too many pestering things in the fandom ruffle your beautiful feathers. It might seem like there is a lot to be angry about, but IN MY OPINION we keep getting appalled and distracted by the same-ol’same ol’, which, NGL, plays perfectly into the hands of those who want to see us triggered and ignore, for example, ACTUAL ANGER INDUCING shit that has been going on in the industry potentially affecting the members, some more than others; NAMELY JIMIN. BUT the title of this post is Queer Realizations and Acceptances, right? So, forgive me, let me not digress.

From the beginning of this year, I’ve been concentrating heavily on all aspects of my health and thus far, even though it has been so groundbreaking in many positive ways, it has brought about a lot of things I had to face head-on, ready-or-not style. This particular weekend, my family and I met with another family for a nice lunch. During this meeting it was made pretty clear to me that, at this stage in my life, if I were to pursue being my TRUE SELF, a European-born African Queer Woman, with anyone other than my sibling and close cousins, within my family, I would never bring my family any joy, or sense of pride and I would most certainly ostracise myself. And because I also realised that I really love my family, there is really nothing I can do.

These are the cards I was dealt and that I have finally accepted. As a consequence, I have started making my statement clear on my wish to not want to marry, which has liberated me so much; SO FUCKING MUCH. With that weight off my shoulder, the desire to start working on my project has been growing stronger by the day, and with that I also finally came face-to-face with my biggest fear, the one and only reason why I haven’t been able to sit-down and write. I’ve been working on this like half my life, and though it is not the theme it is LGBTQ-heavy, hence I have been feeling literally petrified at the idea of this project somehow ending up catching a public eye or two. Take the infamous situation with Kit Connor, he was basically pushed into having to reveal his sexuality and I CANNOT, AND WILL NOT, HAVE THAT. 

I have been working on this project for so long, it is my baby, so I want it out in the world, but at the same time I also want to keep my family. I know it sounds like a Have your cake and eat it situation, but that is indeed my situation and: I WANT BOTH. Particularly when, to begin with, it is hella unfair for these two things to be mutually exclusive. So as I kept thinking, Jikook came to mind. For all the speculation, all the love, all the hate, all the gossip, all the rumours, all their actions, all their silences … we still don’t have any confirmation, or negation, regarding whether they are straight or queer. So why couldn’t this be me? 

The only big difference I could spot is that differently from Europe and America, in Asia a journalist will not come up and ask you flat out “Are you Gay?” In fact the private lifestyle of an Asian idol, where just dating is a scandal hence everyone keeps it underwraps, and companies also help you to do so if theta re invested in you enough could prove rather beneficial and a good protection unless you get caught of course 😬😬😬. Nevertheless, as I am not in Asia, I do not have that option but I have indeed figured out what I am going to do in my case if that time were ever to arise 🤡😌. Basically, NEVER LET ANYONE FORCE YOU TO COME OUT. I think this is not said enough, but if you don’t want to come out, YOU 👏🏾 DON’T 👏🏾 HAVE 👏🏾 TO 👏🏾.

Now, obviously I don't know if Jikook assuming they are queer would ever want to come out or not, it is a scary world out there and safety comes ALWAYS FIRST. However, ultimately it is up to them, and in the same way I would want people to respect my decision, even if 4 years from now it becomes painfully clear maybe by being the only two members that aren't married but somehow live together that they indeed are, if by then nothing has still been confirmed or denied then; CLEARLY that would have been their answer with that question. Period.

So, if I ever were to get "fans" one day, I apologise in advance for my secrecy in regards, but whatever action I take will be my stance. You will be free to speculate and do all that I am respectfully doing with Jikook at the moment, of course, but just as well, because I would have been on both sides, I also know that you won’t die from lack of knowledge; no matter how badly you want to know. BUT THEN AGAIN who knows, maybe by the time I get to that point the world might have made a complete 360 and being part of the Queer community 🏳️‍🌈 wouldn't be such a problematic thing anymore. I wouldn’t hold my breath on this but, hey, miracles do happen, so I can but hope 😊.

Anyways, enough of my rambling, let's all get ready for FESTA 2023, apparently there already is something on schedule for tomorrow so y'all ... like ... THE OT7 IN MY CAN'T EVEN.

Always respectfully yours,

Marengo.

[trickstarbrave]

concubine au part 8.... part 7 you can find here

uhhhh honestly this chapter is just filth. rly dirty smut ngl. im also still sick so i hope it's coherent but i had fun writing it. and nerevar at least has fun LOL

warning for like. pregnancy talk/kink i guess. but uhhhh thats been happening the last few chapters. not where i expected this to go as a story but okay

--

Voryn was gone for a while, both for the dinner which was as awkward as intended, and for the after dinner mingling and drinks as was custom when you were hosting guests. 

A few hours flew right by, Nerevar napping for most of it. When he awoke, there was food waiting for him that he quickly scarfed down. He had been eating regular meals for a few weeks now with no issues, but part of his mind always savored the food. Too many times Anaryl would punish him with no food for the day, taunting him while he was hungry the whole while. 

Still, the longer he was awake, the more anxious he got. Voryn was gone a while--had he not slept that long? Or had something gone wrong. It wasn’t long until his restless energy had him pacing and frustrated. He wished he was there right now, making sure everything was going to plan and listening in. He’d often attend dinner parties and such, listening carefully to all the gossip and formulating plans. Not doing that left him nervous, nearly shaking with pent up energy and worry.

When Voryn finally came in, Nerevar was more than relieved, even as Voryn immediately sat him down and began fussing over him.

“I told you to rest.” Voryn scolded him, his voice still gentle. 

“I did.” Nerevar replied. “I napped, then I ate…” He sighed. “But I just couldn’t relax after that. You were out there, and I didn’t know what was going on, I couldn’t plan…” 

“Shhh,” Voryn hushed him, “Everything went very well, Neht.” Voryn stroked his cheek, the affectionate and gentle touch helping relax Nerevar. “I can tell you all about it and we can think of a plan together, alright?” 

“I’d… Appreciate that.” Now he just felt stupid getting so worked up over nothing. He knew Voryn could take care of himself, he just didn’t like not knowing what was going on, especially in such a difficult situation they were in.

“Here,” Voryn sat beside him, wrapping an arm around Nerevar. “Just relax for a moment, alright?” Voryn stroked his back through the comfortable sleeping robes he was wearing. “I won’t leave you here if it makes you this anxious, alright?” 

“No, if you need to--”

“If I need to.” Voryn stressed. “I just had you stay here to rest, but I don’t want you to be nervous, alright?” Voryn then gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. “In the future I’ll try not to mingle with them without you.”

“What happened then?” Nerevar asked, after the shaking in his hands subsided. Voryn said it went well--maybe there was something Nerevar could use. 

“Not much, but I think I sold our little act well.” Voryn explained. “Dres Galar thought he had something to use against me: the knowledge of the birth control you were taking.” Nerevar made a sour face. “He was hoping to use the fact the drug can cause infertility to either make my act slip, or persuade me to ship you back.”

“And what did you say?” 

Voryn glanced away sheepishly. “I… Leaned into the role.” He began. “I figured the best way to approach it would be to give a very… Uncomfortable response.” He then coughed awkwardly. “Make myself seem to be quite the monster absolutely sick with want.” 

“Come on, spit it out.” Nerevar prodded him, smiling slightly from how flustered he was getting. 

“I told him I already knew about the drug and its effects.” That much was the actual truth. “And that I had the healers lie to you and say you were infertile.” Nerevar raised an eyebrow. “I then continued saying I… Intended to use it against you. You wouldn’t know to use protection if you thought you couldn’t conceive, and after you were lulled into a false sense of security…” 

“Oh…” Nerevar’s cheeks were slightly flushed. Certainly, that would be a pretty unhinged thing to say that he didn’t think even Dres Galar saw coming. Still though, it would help further their act. 

If only he could stop thinking about how weirdly arousing it was. 

“Does that sort of talk bother you?” Voryn asked, no doubt concerned given the last time the subject of infertility was brought up Nerevar burst into tears for no reason. 

“Not really,” Nerevar shook his head. “I know this is for our act, and you did really well playing it off like that. It does sell the whole dynamic we’ve made.” He hummed softly. “I think I can even come up with a few ways to play with that little idea you’ve thrown around.” 

“Oh?” Voryn asked. “Already thinking of a new plan?”

Nerevar looked back at him with a sly grin.

“You’ll probably be working in your study again tomorrow right?” Voryn nodded, also grinning slightly back. “And you’ll want your concubine in there, at your side, to admire while you work until you take a break…”

“Go on.” Voryn replied, still rubbing circles on his back. 

“A spy will at least be listening in, no doubt…” Nerevar climbed up on Voryn’s lap now, straddling him as Voryn’s hand trailed lower down his spine. “Wouldn’t it be fitting for a cruel man such as yourself to be fantasizing about it, whispering to your poor concubine how badly you wished I could have your baby… Taking delight in how I had no idea you were going to knock me up eventually?” He was practically purring in Voryn’s ear now, before Voryn’s hand dipped down to Nerevar’s ass now, groping him and earning a low groan from Nerevar’s lips. 

“Naughty little thing…” Voryn whispered back. “That is an excellent idea, isn’t it?” 

--

Nerevar was seated on the lounge in Voryn’s office, eagerly waiting. He was almost giddy with excitement, watching Voryn look over various reports, make notes, write in code, and sign documents. Occasionally they’d make eyes at each other, from friendly smiles to flirty glances, while Nerevar tried to keep himself entertained. But by this point he was barely reading the words, his eyes simply glazing over at the pages of his book, instead fantasizing. He even chastised himself for fantasizing too enthusiastically on multiple occasions, before that too faded as he instead could only think about what was to come.

Then finally—finally—Voryn set all of his papers aside, motioning for Nerevar to come closer. With a feigned sigh of annoyance he got up, moving to climb up onto Voryn’s lap and straddle him once more.

“My my,” Voryn remarked with a smirk, “You’re certainly well behaved today~”

“Just get it over with…” Nerevar groaned, though his hips were already squirming as Voryn’s hand began to slide up his thigh.

“You should know me better by now, Neht.” Voryn kissed gently at his neck. “I love indulging in you far too much to simply get it over with.” Nerevar shuddered as Voryn’s lips trailed down his sensitive neck in hot, wet kisses. He was already excited and trying desperately to keep his reactions under control, but fuck did Voryn make that a difficult task.

Then, Voryn’s hand slid up further, completely missing his arousal and instead rubbing gently at his lower stomach. Nerevar could have whined just from that, instead suppressing it by biting his lip. A spy from House Dres couldn’t see them in the privacy of the office, but they could hear so acting it out mostly would help make the sounds convincing. 

“Mm… Gods,” Voryn nipped at his ear now, making Nerevar hiss sharply. “I wish you were pregnant with my child.” A full shiver ran down Nerevar’s spine hearing that. Voryn sounded so convincing, his voice trembling slightly.

“I can’t--” Nerevar hissed, still squirming, “Remember?”

“I’m so disappointed in you for using that damn drug…” Voryn gave an annoyed sigh. “You could have seriously hurt yourself.”

Nerevar was trying desperately to play along now, wishing more than anything that Voryn was touching him so much more than he already was. The gentle strokes on his skin weren’t enough--they were more teasing than anything.

“Ah…” Nerevar gasped softly as Voryn opened his robes to expose his chest, beginning to kiss down from his throat. “Would you prefer I’d have been forced to have that bastard’s child…?” He was trying his hardest to sound disgusted and annoyed, but that was so hard to manage when it felt so good.

“You know I would have loved any child you had.” Nerevar shivered again at that. “I’m certain any child you could have would be perfect.” His words were honey sweet, like someone talking to a lover, whispering sweet nothings and beautiful little promises. 

“Stop it--” Nerevar groaned louder, before Voryn’s tongue flicked against a nipple. 

“I’d have raised them as my own,” Voryn continued, “So long as I could have you…” One of his hands now slid up the back of Nerevar’s thigh, massaging the muscles. The words were honestly kind of touching, if he thought Voryn actually meant them. Certainly Voryn would ensure the kid had everything he needed, but he’d never go so far as to say Nerevar should have had a child he didn’t want. To keep the act up, Nerevar instead grit his teeth, pushing the warm, fuzzy feelings down. 

“I don’t want a fucking child!” He growled, putting as much venom as he could into his words. “Especially not from that House Dres bastard--!” He channeled all the rage he felt when Anaryl would hold him down, mocking him. However, at his outburst, Voryn’s sharp nails pricked his thighs, digging in just enough that it started to hurt. At the small pricks of pain on his inner thighs he was groaning loudly, somewhere between pain and pleasure. 

“Behave yourself…” Voryn scolded, before his hand instead moved up, slipping past Nerevar’s undergarments to his arousal. His lips then close around a nipple, swirling his tongue around it and the nice, gold studs Voryn had put on him. Nerevar was whimpering now as his lips pulled away, now gently nibbling on the sensitive bud, his fingers only teasingly stroking him. “Gods… You really do get off on me punishing you, don’t you?”

“I don’t--” Nerevar tried to argue, but was cut off with another nip to his chest, a pathetic sound falling out of his lips somewhere between a sharp cry and a choked whimper. 

“Mm… Once again your body is honest…” Voryn purred. “You’re so wet for me…” Two fingers slid inside him, making him gasp and pant with desire, trying to rock his hips back against the sensation. “You were just as wet the first night I took you too… Laid out on my bed in chains, whipped until you could barely struggle, taking every inch of me into this perfect body of yours…”

“Stop it…” Nerevar groaned again. The mental image wasn’t unwelcomed though, all things considered. Maybe it was because he was already incredibly turned on, but the idea of being tied or chained up just for Voryn was also arousing. 

“If I could,” Voryn began, his fingers moving faster, “I’d find a way to cure you. If you don’t want a child from that man, I’m certain you’d love one from me…” Nerevar gripped Voryn’s shoulders tighter as Voryn thrusted against the perfect spot, making his legs tremble. The noises spilling from his mouth were quickly turning to pleasure, as he felt his orgasm coming on. “Oh Neht…” Voryn's voice took on a new tone, this time desperate and sick with want. “You’d look so perfect, heavy with my child…” He moaned softly against Nerevar’s skin, before leaving another mark on his collarbone. “I’d finally have made your body all mine~” 

Fuck, Nerevar was close. So damn close--he just needed a bit more, just a bit more--

Voryn suddenly slipped his fingers out, just as Nerevar reached the edge, earning a loud, angry cry. Still, he had no time to protest as Voryn quickly shoved his back to the desk, pulling his legs open. 

Well, Nerevar hadn’t expected Voryn to actually fuck him on his desk. He thought it would be Voryn taking him on the lounge, or Nerevar riding him on the chair. However this was very welcomed, Nerevar more than eager to part his legs and lick his lips as Voryn quickly began tugging his own robes open and Nerevar’s underwear off. Still, Nerevar wanted to use the freedom he had knowing they weren’t being watched, and slid two fingers down to roll them around his dick as Voryn stripped down to nothing but his inner robes barely clinging to him. He made eye contact with Voryn as he did so, smirking the whole while, before Voryn pulled his hand away and pressed his cock inside. 

“I want every part of you, Neht.” Voryn moaned, giving a few gentle thrusts at first. “I want to have you in a way no one else ever will…” The possessive tone of his voice was only exciting Nerevar more as Nerevar looped a leg around Voryn, clinging to him. “I love your anger, your tears, and every little moan of pleasure that spills from your lips…” 

“Fuck~!” Nerevar groaned. It sounded like a hell of a love confession, one Nerevar desperately wanted to be true. 

“No one else can love you like I can,” Voryn groaned, laying out over his body and pressing messy kisses to his jaw. “No one else deserves you--you perfect, dangerous, intoxicating thing…” 

“Stop talking like that~” Nerevar moaned loudly, despite loving every second of it. “Stop talking like a lover while you--while you do this~” 

“Oh? But I am your lover, aren’t I?” Voryn pressed a quick, messy kiss to Nerevar’s lips. “Mmm~ If I could marry you, I would… I’d make you my husband, Neht~” Nerevar shuddered and whined at the idea. House Dagoth would never allow it; Nerevar was legally a slave in the eyes of the public, barely good enough to warm Voryn’s bed. But gods he’d love to be clothed in House Dagoth’s robes, golden marriage mask on his face, and wedded to Voryn. “I only ever want children from you too…” Voryn nipped and sucked along his neck, as Nerevar felt his orgasm coming on once again. “I’ll pray to the three every damn day in hopes of a miracle--I’d even name your child my heir~” 

He finally came, gasping and moaning under Voryn as Voryn continued to fuck him hard and fast, chasing his own completion. He continued to talk, moaning and whispering the sweetest things in Nerevar’s ears, but he was too far gone in his own pleasure to hear it. Every nerve in his body felt so wonderful, tingling and alight with pleasure. 

“That’s it…” Voryn whispered as he too found release, listening to Nerevar moan once again. “So good for me, taking everything…” He then rubbed back and forth against Nerevar’s cock, making him gasp and tremble. 

“S-stop…” He whined. “I can’t--”

“Yes you can,” Voryn cooed. “Cum for me, Neht.”

“I-I can’t~!” He was trembling, pleasure overwhelming him. 

“I want to make sure my seed takes.” Voryn purred in his ear, earning a long, sharp whine. It was an old wives tale that an orgasm made you more likely to conceive. It was like he was actually trying to knock Nerevar up right now, holding him down, whispering and praising him the whole while, all while Nerevar could feel Voryn’s cum inside him. 

“I can’t--get pregnant…” Nerevar groaned, his eyes rolling back slightly. 

“It’s just a little fantasy, Neht…” Voryn whispered. “Just give me this…” Fuck, it was just like the little lie Voryn told to the noblemen from House Dres. That he intended to lie to Nerevar, lulling him into a false sense of security… 

Nerevar covered his mouth with his hand as he came, muffling all the words spilling from his mouth. No doubt it would be incoherent babbling for the most part, but he didn’t want a spy hearing anything they shouldn’t. 

“Good boy…” Voryn whispered in his ear. “Such a good boy for me…” Voryn peppered more kisses on his cheeks as he came down from the high of his orgasm for a second time. “Now, let’s get you all cleaned up for dinner…”

[the-urban-witch]

oh hey 👋 I saw you wanting practice for your new deck, and I do have a question! I actually did a reading for myself about this earlier today but I’m still curious.

Just wondering, I’m about to quit my newest serving job (only been there for a week and a half) and be a barista instead, but I just don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. On one hand, if I could find another serving job and make more money it would be quick and easy. On the other hand, the economy is so bad rn nobody is tipping so having an hourly job would be consistent and reliable. I guess I just need clarity on if I’m making the right decision for my future.

Sorry it’s not a clear question.

Okay so I tried to draw a card about the outcome of taking on that new job.

I got ten of wands:

So ngl looks like it is a burden and probably a shit load of work and responsibility maybe too. You are taking on a lot. If this card comes up frequently in your readings that means you could be generally attracted to negativity but if it is only about this situation I assume it means you’re going to have to face difficulties and not too few of them.

However if you manage to carry that workload you can come out with great success. Triumph over your difficult situation is not guaranteed but it is certainly a possibility.

I hope this gave you at least a bit of an answer and I wish you the best of luck with your new job <3

Shoot me an ask for a free one card reading so I can practice working with my new deck

[smores100]

hey.

so. haven't been around for quite some time, mostly due to my health issues (the usual + muscle aches and joint pains, i'm having a great time), but also in part due to The Situation. it's hard to care about anything with everything that's been going on, it all seems so pointless and meaningless, i'm living in a completely different universe from everyone else here. wish i could be that privileged, but alas. it's also hard being around here, and on other social media platforms for that matter, and seeing the raging antisemitism and sheer hate everywhere. i haven't checked my dash in almost 2 months, haven't checked specific blogs like i used to either, and have no plans on doing so anytime soon. i know what i'll find, i don't want it.

i was gonna stay quiet like i ususally do, especially since i genuinely don't have energy for anything rn, but it's been 2 months and i've been biting my tongue and screaming and crying into my pillow daily and i just need to get some of it out before i implode. there's only so much ignorance and hate that one person can take before snapping, so. here i am.

i have so much i want to say, i've written a million posts in my mind in the past 2 months, but i'm too Tired to actually write them down, and it'll just be one big messy ramble anyway, so i'm just gonna reblog a couple of other people's posts and make do with that. just a couple, don't worry, i know these are issues most either want to avoid dealing with or the opinions shared in those posts are a complete 180 degrees from what's trendy to believe in today. but i have to share it anyway. for 2 months i've been terrified, frustrated, bitter, angry and absolutely heartbroken, but there's one thing i haven't been, and that is ashamed. i'm proud of who i am. i'm proud of my people and their spirit. you will never understand what it's been like for us, what it still is like for us, but let me just say this: they wanted to break us, they wanted to break our spirit. they failed. we've never been more united. they just made us stronger.

so i'm gonna reblog some stuff so i can get it out of my system and move on. at worst i hope you just ignore and scroll past it; at best i hope you keep an open mind and maybe for the first time read things from a different pov instead of just the one sided propaganda everyone is continuously exposed to. maybe you'll see it isn't all black and white, maybe you'll see there are nuances you're not even aware of, maybe you'll realize you've been fed a lot of misinformation, half truths and even lies over the years. maybe. if you have questions or want to have a mature and civil conversation about it, feel free to msg me and i'll try and reply when my health allows me to, i'm open to discussion. if you want to unfollow me after this, feel free to do so. i'm not gonna force my truth on anyone, but i'm also not gonna change who i am for anyone either.

and on a more personal note, i wanna say thank you again for the msgs i've received last time and haven't replied to (due to health, Situation etc), and for the ones i've gotten since (will get to those soon i hope). i do feel the need to say this tho - i did have a peek or two at my dash and on twitter earlier on and saw some things. i was in a super sensitive state at the time and it was pretty disheartening ngl. it's hard nowadays, with all the hate going on and public opinion being what it is, to know whether or not you're still welcome in these spaces, whether or not people still like you and care about you, or if you've officially become persona non grata. most days it feels like the latter tbh. i just don't know where i stand. i said i'm not gonna force myself on anyone and i'm not, so if you're still ok with me…i guess the ball's in your court? 🌻

thanks for reading. thanks for sticking around, to those who decide to do so. take care y'all. never again is now. am yisrael chai. 💙