#NEED a sibling stemmed from that lol

[spicyselfindulgentfandomstuff]

Not a huge fan of what it probably means about me as a person that I’m super into age gap relationships 😭

[prlssprfctn]

A fun little headcannon is that everyone believes Jason to prefer paperback and physical paper but he honestly doesn't care. Maybe it stems from his Robin days reading for hours in the manor library. Or how'd he always tell Bruce to write down the details of the case to solve it faster. Or even that they needed to have physical copies of each file in case the Batcomputer got hacked. It just stuck with Bruce and by extension everyone believes it.

But like he would totally love an eReader with how many books you can fit on it. Audio books are even better because he can listen to them anywhere. The man likes the stories people have to tell. How he consumes it isn't a concern. But of course he has a flare for dramatics so he plays into this misconception.

Steph: Jason, I know you'd prefer a physical book but I got a Kindle that you could use more than me.

Jason who already owns the newest model takes it and chucks it at the floor: Disgusting.

Tim at the Batcomputer: Why do we need to write up a report for Condiment King of all people. Its the third one this month!

Jason: Back in my day we would hand write each and every report.

Dick: No we didn't???

Jason magically pulling out a file cabinet with said case files.

Jason: Honestly we should start doing that again let me go ask Bruce.

Bruce: Honestly if you'd wait five more minutes someone would have come in as backup. You don't need to do everything on your own Hood.

Jason completely ignoring him because he's got books downloaded on his helmet.

Damian next to him knowing what Jason is up to because he did the exact same thing with Ra's.

YES, YES!

i think Jason loves paperback when it is his already favourite books, the ones he knows he loves and wants to annotate and explore — otherwise, he prefers to try books in e-version first. or borrow books from the library if he is in the mood. he strikes me as someone who loves supporting local libraries! plus, listens audio-books on missions and during work-outs, yep, yep.

do other family members have a wrong opinion in that in their minds because Bruce is the "heard my kid mentioning something once, now i think their whole personality evolves around this thing" type of parent sometimes? oh, fucking absolutely. does Jason love to play on the stereotype of "boomer" sibling? yeah— lol.

also, he is a type of kid who would remind the teacher about homework (i think he genuinely cared about this as a kid and didn't understand why everyone got mad, but now he knows WHY, and he will do it EVERYONE'S problem) and combined with him, writing reports on papers, i raise you this:

Bruce, tired by the end of the patrol: Had we discussed everything? Hadn't I forgotten something?

literally everyone but Jason, quickly: no, no, we are fine. ha-ha.

Jason, appearing behind them: well. actually. we all now should write our reports.

Bruce: oh, right.

Jason, smirking: here is mine, by the way. i wrote it while you are all was bickering.

Bruce: so competent! thank you, lad.

Other kids, fuming: -_-

also, the image of Jason blasting audio-books through his helmet is frying me. so, get this:

Dick: Jason is so suspiciously calm for the last few days! like, seriously. proud of him.

Tim: right? it is actually hilarious. Bruce was screaming at him yesterday, and Jason was just staring at him silently, no word, no remark... he was so quiet that Bruce instantly felt bad and apologised. like. master-tecnique. lol.

Jason, who was listening to audio-book all this time, and didn't even hear what Bruce said, just nodded when he started randomly hugging him and murmuring "my baby": whatever.

[merakiui]

I’ve seen bits and pieces about your take on yandere Trey but i need to hear more of your thoughts on him. Your interpretation of yandere Trey seems so different from all the other interpretations I’ve seen of him… like you said he was the scariest yandere at one point, and then the post about chenya riddle and Trey — I need to know

*cracks knuckles* >:) here are my thoughts!!

He's definitely one of the scariest twst yans (to me)! Trey's character is so fascinating because, compared to some of the more powerful/influential characters, he seems like Some Guy. What's so frightening about Trey is that he doesn't have to use violence or threats. Rather, it's the way he can twist his words to keep you constantly questioning yourself and your reality. He has the perfect boy-next-door sort of charm that lulls you into that false sense of security, and you'll never truly know the extent of his manipulations because of how flawlessly he can gaslight you. And everyone else will think you're crazy because Trey's not like that. He's gentle and helpful, everyone's big brother! Maybe you're the crazy one... (Are you??)

His UM is quite literally just a more sophisticated, magical version of gaslighting (lol). ^^;;;; the way that can be used against you and you might not even know. Trey plays it off as a parlor trick in book one when he changes the flavor of food to suit everyone's preferences, but it's seen to be quite formidable against Riddle's magic. If a UM can overwrite the very overpowered Riddle's magic....... even if only for a few minutes,,, that's no mere parlor trick.

Perhaps the horror stems from how very easy it is to fall into the trap. Trey isn't a yandere you approach with fear because there's nothing about him that would give you valid reason to stay away. It's understandable for someone like the tweels or even Vil because they have that air of intimidation about them, but Trey is so sweet and kind. He couldn't hurt a fly. He's so easy to approach.

Trey is not very combative either. If you come to him with an issue (perhaps an attempt to call out his behaviors) he'll smooth things over in such a way that you come out of that conversation wondering what you were even trying to talk to him about. He understands where you're coming from, he knows you're just stressed, everything will sort itself out, let's all just calm down, etc etc., all while over tea and some freshly baked pastries.

Also,,, gaslighting is such an effective and dangerous form of emotional abuse because of how successful it can be. When it's happening, it doesn't seem very damaging and, rather, it can feel as if everything Trey is telling you is correct. After all, why are you getting so worked up? You must be exaggerating these feelings of yours! It sounds so logical coming from his mouth, and why would Trey have any reason to lie to you? You're so wrapped around his finger and you don't even know it. Your world is so closed off, crafted by the things he tells you. You may think you have control, but at the end of the day it's Trey who keeps you hooked on his line like you're nothing more than an impressionable fish.

Omg and the infantilization....... he tells you it's just a habit of his from looking after his younger siblings, and he plays it off so casually and jokingly every time. You begin to wonder if it really is just a bad habit of his. But then there should be no reason for him to treat you like you can't do things you're fully capable of doing. You ask yourself 'what if' all the time. What if you don't have Trey there to help? What if you truly can't do that thing? What if Trey was right?

You're not a child; you're not codependent. But you always feel this way around Trey, and that's a snare that's difficult to shake. Especially when Trey so smoothly hammers that narrative into your head.

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

Who does the kids go to first when they cry or get angry or just in general? Bayverse tmnt pls pls pls lol I love your content btw ❤️

Who Does Your Kids Go To When They’re Emotional?

Bayverse!Turtles x reader

A/N: Aw, thank you so much!💚 It’s a good question and I’ll happily answer. And along with that request comes a full list of my Bayverse OCs! Hope you enjoy!💚

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Warnings: Spelling, crying children, angry children, anxious children, general sibling stuff.

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Leonardo:

Romeo: Much like his own father, Romeo wishes to make his father proud. That had been obvious since he was small, following his father around like a duckling following their mother. And with this need to make his father proud, Romeo often found comfort in his father. He got hurt during training? Leo was there to make everything better. Romeo and Marcello had a fight? Romeo would go straight to Leo, even if he was meditating.

When Romeo was small, he would cuddle up in Leo’s arms. Once Leo had comforted him, Leo would resume his meditation, letting Romeo stay in his arms as he did so. When Romeo got older, it would turn into Romeo just sitting down next to Leo in order to start his own meditation. There had even been times where a mildly fuming Romeo would return from an argument with his younger brother, asking his father if they could meditate together.

Marcello: Leo’s relationship with his second youngest wasn’t necessarily strained, but it hadn’t always been easy. Marcello had found it hard to keep up with his father and older brother since he was small, which often resulted in small arguments or fights, stemming from frustration and irritation, both at himself and the other men of his family. Therefore the most obvious place to go when he was angry or sad was you.

The amount of time you had been minding your own business when a pair of small arms and hands wrapped themselves around you. Marcello rarely spoke when he was sad. When he was little he would just hide his face against you, but once he hit his teenage years, he would just sit down beside you with his arms crossed, waiting for you to ask him what was wrong.

And well, if you weren’t around, he would go look for uncle Raphael. He understood the little guy’s emotions and would happily spend time with him.

Gerardo: The peaceful one, as you and Leo sometimes would call him when you were alone. Gerardo rarely became sad or angry, always sporting a bright smile with bright blue eyes. But when the crime that was making this little angel sad did occur, it did not matter who was around, Gerardo would make a beeline for his parents with a loud cry.

Other than when he was born, Gerardo rarely cried. But when he did, it was loud and ear piercing. Either you and Leo would drop everything in your hands, running for your crying child. Once Leo came jumping out of the dojo at the sound of Gerardo’s cry, katanas ready in his hands, as the sound alone made him think the lair had been invaded. In reality, the toddler had been pushed by Marcello who did not wish to share his Nintendo.

Valentina: Sometimes you and Leo actually wondered; did Valentina ever cry? Well, other than she was a baby and crying was the only way she knew of, to tell when something was wrong, you couldn’t actually remember a time where you had seen Valentina cry or be angry. But with three much older big brothers, all wrapped tightly around her finger, Valentina never had a reason to cry. They pretty much got her everything she asked for. She wanted to play with that priced Nintendo, that had gotten Gerardo pushed when he was a toddler? She could get to play with it, just this one time. Surprise, it was never just one time. She wanted to have a go with the odachi sword Leo had gotten Romeo? Romeo wasn’t too happy about it, but he could never say no to his little sister. Heck, Gerardo would trip his own parents if Valentina asked him to. But luckily she didn’t… at least not yet.

Raphael:

Joan: This girl has and will always be a daddy’s girl, even if her temper and strength shocked Raph at times. She was a hard puncher that rarely cried, but booooy, could she get angry. And when she was angry, the only person that seemed to be able to calm her down.

When Joan was angry, the whole lair knew it, and it had scared her little brother at least twice. Each time Raph had wondered if giving her sharpe weapons as a gift had been such a good idea.

There was really no telling of what had gotten Joan so angry. But nonetheless, Raph had decided to go check on her in the weight room, where she was punching the punching bag so hard that Raph had to blink. Whoever had gotten his eldest daughter so angry was lucky to be alive.

However Raph understood. He knew of the need to punch your feelings out every once in a while, so he did not stop her. Instead he sat down and watched her, waiting for the moment she was ready to talk about it. That moment finally came after some time, where Joan finally stopped punching the hanging sack, before running to her father, throwing her arms around his torso and crying against him. Raph did not ask her to speak, but instead held her tight as she got all of her emotions out.

Minerva: You and Raph’s second oldest daughter was no less emotional than her big sister. She did regularly get sad, and when she did, she was glued to Raph’s side, hugging him tightly as if she was scared he would disappear if she let go.

Mini was a genuinely more anxious child. She often had nightmares and would often come to you and Raph during the night, finding herself feeling more safe in Raph’s arms. It wasn’t a big problem since Raph loved hugging his daughter, but it did become a problem when Raph had to leave for patrol, but Mini cried and screamed whenever he was going out the door. It did not matter if you were the one holding her when Raph left, as she would fight against your grip, screaming for father to come back. That was probably the worst you had ever tried as a mother, watching your 3 year old daughter scream and cry for hours, just wanting her dad to come home. It was stressful, both for you and Raph.

Then something amazing happened. Once when Mini sat in Raph’s lap on the couch, Raph started to knit. Mini’s eyes was filled with interest as she watched him work, and very soon, she wanted to learn it too. And then, when Raph had to leave for patrol, she did not cry. Instead she told him to come home early, so she could show him how far she had gotten with her knitting. And that was the start of how Mini would soothe herself with knitting.

Ragnar: You and Raph’s only son, named after the ruthless viking king and leader (yes, Raph’s idea), was actually quite a softy. Sure, he was sassy and sarcastic, a trait he and his siblings had taken straight from their father, but if there was one thing he hated, it was fighting. Ragnar was a very sweet and caring boy, but he hated sudden noises or when things changed too fast. And his reaction to this? Well, that was crying. And lord did this boy cry a lot as a child. He couldn’t find his favorite toy? He would cry. One of his sisters ate the last piece of cake? He would cry. One of his cousins didn’t want to play with him? He would cry. And each and every time he would run to you and hide against you while he cried his eyes out.

Then, in his teenage years, it was as if a switch was flicked in his brain, and Ragnar no longer cried as much as he used to do. He still wasn’t a big fan of fighting, but his curiosity for the world has expanded. Neither you or Raph would forget the day a 14 year old Ragnar asked if he could come along on patrol, because he wanted to see the city. Raph had obviously said no, knowing that there was no telling what could happen during a patrol. But instead of crying, Ragnar just sat down next to you with a very sour expression, mumbling about how he would find a way to sneak out with his cousins.

Donatello:

Galileo: Gali was one of those children that did not know how to fully express his emotions. Especially not after he became a big brother to twins. For five years Gali had been used to having you and Donnie’s attention to the fullest, so when there suddenly was not just one more kid to look after, but two, Gali started to feel a bit ignored. He started to crave attention, both by you and Donatello. If one of you were holding one of the twins, he wanted attention. But when you couldn’t give him that, due to the babies in your arms, he did the only thing he could think of - cry and scream. And that worked. It worked too well. To the point where Gali would just scream to get attention from at least one of you.

But as closer to his teen years Gali got, the more he wanted to be alone. A 10 year old Gali often found that his 5 year old sisters gave him headaches, rarely leaving him alone. They would come into his room in order to watch whatever video games he was playing, begging him to get a turn on his newest game, and not leaving when he told them to. There was this one time where a sad and frustrated Gali turned off his computer and left his room, followed by his two little sisters. He then found you and Donnie sitting in the kitchen with his uncles and grandfather. He didn’t say a word but flung his arms around Donnie, crying into his shoulder. After that day, you and Donnie taught your daughters to listen when their brother wanted to be left alone.

Dorothy: Every family has their troublemaker, and in the case of you and Donnie’s little family, it was Dorothy. That did not make your daughter any less loving and caring, but sometimes she needed a little more mental stimulation, often in the form of very clever pranks, often targeted at her siblings, and sometimes her unsuspecting cousins. But as much as Dorothy loved pranks and pranking others, she hated when others decided to prank her.

Neither you or Donnie saw it happen, but apparently it had been one of those very simple pranks you saw all the times in cartoons. So simple that Dorothy could only feel embarrassed. That was why Gali and Marie had made it so simple. A bucket filled with water on the top of her doorway, just waiting to fall when she opened the door. And that was exactly what happened.

You and Donnie were alerted by a shriek, followed by the sounds of Marie and Gali’s hysterical laughter, before a soaked Dorothy came running to you, jumping onto the two of you on the couch, pointing and screaming about what her siblings had done to her. You and Donnie had looked at each other, wondering if life as parents ever would become peaceful, before Donnie left to have a talk with your other two kids.

Marie: The tomboy of them all, Marie rarely cried. Whenever she fell from her wild acts, she just brushed off her knee and kept running, smiling brightly without a care in the world. Unless her brother felt the sudden urge to tease her until she left his room, or when her sister decided to pull another prank on her. In those cases, Marie did not cry, but she did become incredibly frustrated and angry, going to you and your husband with smoke blowing out of her ears, telling the two of you what the others had done to her.

But just because Marie didn’t cry, it did not mean that she wasn’t full of deep emotions, because she was. Evenever something was plaguing the poor girl's head, she would go to either you or Donatello, depending on what her problem was. She had always been well articulated and thought before she spoke, always resulting in her sentences being very precise and very well described.

There was one time Marie came crying to you, and that was after she had gotten lost in the sewers. The little adventurer had managed to get too far away from the lair, and found herself walking down pipes she had never seen before. Donnie, who did not like how long she had been gone, ventured out to find her, finding her crying in the corner of a far away drain. She clung to him as he picked her up and carried her home, before she ran to you as soon as she got to the lair.

Michelangelo:

Sunny: Sunny - or Sunshine as Mikey liked to call her - was a bright and happy girl that hated to cry or feel the emotion of anger. As a child she was a loud giggler with a vivid fantasy, and a surprisingly deep understanding of how emotions worked, both her own and others. There had been times that she noticed her cousins hiding some sort of sadness, to which she would sit down with them and engage them in talk about their emotions, just like her father would have done with his own brothers, and good lord, how proud Mikey was the first time he saw Sunny have talk with one of her emotional cousins.

Other than the time Sunny straight up told her father that she felt like he didn’t want to play with her after her little brother was born, there had rarely been times where Sunny had felt outside, or in the need to have a stern talk with her parents. But as a growing child, there had been times where she fell or tumbled, and cried out from the sheer shock. Obviously, you and Mikey rushed to her rescue each time, picking her up in order to hold her close. But Sunny, the absolute daddy’s girl as she was, would usually point to Mikey when she was in your arms, or straight up ask you to bring her to her father. And of course you brought her to him. You too would go to Mikey whenever you were sad, so why wouldn’t your daughter do the same. And hell, it looked adorable to watch him walk around with your daughter on his hip.

Luis: While Sunny is a daddy’s girl, Luis is a total mama’s boy. Just as happy and smiling as his big sister, Luis could never sit still. He often ran and jumped with the same energy that his father had shown throughout the years.

But with your son being so hyperactive, he obviously got himself hurt quite often. And each and every time, your beautiful son with big emotions cried out for you. Or crying out for Mikey, telling him to go find you.

But as sweet and happy Luis was, he was also quite dramatic. He was the type of kid to stop crying as soon as he saw you, just sniffling with big eyes and lifting his arms, expecting you to pick him up. And when you then sat down with him, he wouldn't move from you all day, sticking to your side and telling you how it still hurt whenever you tried to get up from the bed or couch.

When Luis was in his “I’m hurt and I can therefore only stick to mommy” mood as a small kid, he wasn’t too happy about letting anyone get too close to you, not even Sunny or Mikey. There had been times when Mikey had leaned down to kiss you goodbye as you sat on the couch with Luis, before he was about to head out with his brothers. But as Mikey leaned down to place a peck on your lips, little Luis let out a loud “no!”, before putting a little hand up between you and him. As serious as Luis’ expression was, you and Mikey couldn’t help but laugh at his little cute face.

[bayleavesfromthevine]

Do you think Sakura's backstory will be similar to Kaji? Or it's more deeper than getting bullied because of his look !

I think his backstory will more closely align with Umemiya's, if I had to guess!

For Sakura, I have three main questions:

Are his parent(s) alive?

Who is paying his rent, groceries, and phone bill?

Why did he not have any contacts on his phone previously?

The first question can suggest a lot about the latter two. If his parent(s) are alive, regardless of how involved they are, then they would be the ones financially supporting him, BUT he would have at least had their contacts in his phone most likely.

If they're dead, then why does he not have a similar living arrangement as Umemiya and Kotoha? (I don't recall the series suggesting that Ume ever moved out from the home he was in after his parents died, so I think it's safe to assume he still lives there. He's still in high school and therefore either 17 or 18, so he probably wouldn't have to move out until after graduation? I also can't see him move away willingly from his younger siblings until he absolutely had to.)

Back to Sakura, let's assume his parent(s) are dead. For now, that seems to be the most likely case. It wouldn't be unreasonable to think that he inherited whatever assets his parent(s) left behind and that's how he can afford to live on his own and pay for his phone. It also explains why he didn't have anyone on his contacts list since he bought it himself and didn't need to go through anyone else.

(There's also the option of some type of government assistance that goes towards education for orphans/wards of the state, but I'm not too knowledgeable on Japanese policies/resources on the subject, so I'm not going to speculate on the logistics for how he's able to live alone as a minor any further lol.)

As for the bullying, I have a theory: my guess is that, assuming his parent(s) are dead, then the conditions surrounding those deaths led others to believe that Sakura was at fault. Somewhat of an inverse to Umemiya's story.

I do get how kids can and will bully people for looking different, but this case seems to be too extreme for it to just be about his hair and heterochromia. (I know that he was also judged harshly for being violent, but that behavior stemmed from the previous isolation.)

Surely someone would not have completely shut him out if that were the only reason, especially when you consider how many years he's endured that neglect and how indifferent the members of Furin are to his look. The small bits of Sakura's story that we have so far are very reminiscent of Naruto's upbringing, which says a lot, lol.

I'm excited to find out what really happened to him and if any of my theories are close to hitting the mark :)

[namgyunation]

Me talking abt random "hcs" / general long ass ramblings and infodump about Nam-gyu under the cut. I talk a lottt. Can you tell I'm obsessed with him? LMAO. Last edited [2/2/25]

My general headcanons and ramblings about how I imagine pre-game Nam-gyu's life to be like. Prepare for my Gigantic block of text

I love quotes. Sooo, to quote Roh Jaweon, "[Nam-gyu] seems like he's carrying a lot of pent-up resentment."

I think it's pretty safe to say that Nam-gyu probably didn't grow up with a warm, supportive family or a similar environment. I like to imagine he's the youngest of a decent amount of siblings. I think this would tie in nicely to his endless desire for approval, his need to feed his ego, and his many angry outbursts. I like to hc that he's the youngest of 4 boys, his older brothers being fairly successful. he was the 'runt' of his family, always being pushed around by his brothers as they grew up. he is fairly timid around them, knowing that they would rock his shit if he attempted to speak out against them / stand up for himself, leading to his behavior towards others outside of his family. he takes out his anger and desire to be seen as an equal to his brothers on people weaker than him. I hc his parents to be run-of-the-mill but very strict, pushing their children to succeed. They wouldn't dole out praises often unless they felt it was truly deserved. Probably not the most affectionate or communicative, either. Nam-gyu's constant search for validation and acceptance, his tendency to assert himself over others to feel superior, and his overall timid, awkward, and cold demeanor would stem from this treatment. He'd definitely carry a lot of resentment for his family for looking down on him his whole life, essentially 'othering' him. (Also, now that I have this thought, I think of that scene in the bathroom where Thanos is confronting Myung-gi before the fight, and Nam-gyu acts like a little kid tattling on someone, whispering to Thanos about Jun-hee (Myung-gi's girlfriend), nodding and smiling all goofy when Thanos remembers, and it just makes me laugh thinking that maybe he exhibited similar childish behavior with his older brothers in order to gain their approval. Idk it's just funny to me thinking about it).

He never finished university, or if he did, he never got far with his degree. Or, maybe he did get a job with it, got sick of it, and decided to fuck off and just be a club promoter that sleeps around and takes any kind of drugs he can get his hands on. I could see him at a 'normal' job trying to play nice with his coworkers at first to appease his parents and then immediately being put off by the suck-up culture that was required in order to get ahead, his complete disinterest in the people there, the power dynamics that put him on the bottom yet again, just like his life at home, ultimately leading to him quitting, much to his parents' dissapointment. Alternatively, maybe he lies to his parents about still working a normal, acceptable job worthy of their approval that upholds their ability to brag about their 4 successful sons, meanwhile he's shooting up random shit into his bloodstream and getting fucked up at Club Pentagon, LOL. Although they mistreat him, he still longs for their approval, opting to keep up the facade of a normal, successful son that is socially adjusted and a functioning member of society.

Around the time leading up to him being recruited for the Squid Games, he wouldn't be talking with his family much, if at all. (Continuing on with the alternative hc where he hides his true job from his parents and family). He lives alone in a dingy apartment, which acts more as a place for him to do drugs, waste away his life, and host people that he's trying to gain the attention and approval of that would in turn boost his own status and ego. Despite resenting his parents for looking down on him and his brothers for putting him down and pushing him around his whole life, without any constants in his life, he wanders around like a lost puppy looking for something / someone to latch on to.

I don't think he was always into drugs or really had a desire to do them until he got a job at the nightclub. I imagine he got pressured into it by people he wanted to impress and maybe had flashbacks to his brothers pushing him around, calling him a wuss, dork, etc. that pushed him into doing the drugs, which naturally segwayed him to continue taking drugs that got more and more serious as time went on (Also tying into how he was so fidgety and nervy during the games and clearly held a grudge and a deep-set resentment against Se-mi for making fun of him during the pentathlon and calling him 'shaky hands.' The casual insult seemed to really touch a nerve for him, as it directly went against the tough, commanding nature he clearly wanted to exude and reminded him of the past treatment he faced from his brothers).

He acted out a lot in school, always attention-seeking even if said attention was negative. Got into a lot of fights and would win/get his ass beat on a pretty good 50/50. Rolled with a lot of the 'tough' kids and tried to assimilate into their group to feel bigger and cooler than he really was. Probably didn't get the best grades and slacked off a lot.

Definitely has a lot of friends and those that were generally close to him die due to drug usage. I like to think that he's no stranger to death, although that doesn't make it any less traumatizing. This has led to attachment issues, clinginess, codependency, and a constant fear of abandonment and being fully on his own, coupled with the way his family made him feel his whole life. He takes drugs as a distraction from his actual life and as a way to pretend that he's not actually alone a lot of the time. His job pushes constant social interaction and makes him feel more grounded and tethered to the world around him, but it also fucks him up mentally since people around him are always coming in and out of his life, whether it's by choice or force (eg. using him for drugs and then leaving, using him for sex and then leaving, using him to get special treatment at the club then leaving, maybe genuinely caring abt him and form an actual bond with him only to die from a drug overdose later on OR actually progress in life and ultimately leave him behind in his addiction).

(Okay, self-indulgent one here because I'm obsessed with the idea of Nam-gyu having a long-term partner before the games that ended up leaving him after he got into severe debt). He is toxic as fuck in any relationship he is, especially when it comes to romantic ones. He's possessive, clingy, obsessive, controlling, a gaslighter, etc. etc. you know. He's with his partner for a long time, them being the one constant in his life that he learns to depend on (also another hc, extremely dependent. He struggles to do anything by himself/without support). His partner stays with him through it all, although they grow more and more frustrated and agitated with his actions and continued drug addiction that drives their savings into the ground. Naturally, they also fear for his mental and physical well-being, pleading with him to go to rehab before he ends up overdosing like a lot of his friends. It's at this time that he invests a majority of his money into crypto while high (and losing it, of course), and I think the final nail in the coffin would be him stealing his partner's money for drugs since he barely has any left. Then, when everything culminates: his partner finding out he stole their money and blew it all on drugs, him losing all his money from the bad investment, and his addiction being in full swing combined with a complete lack of support/genuine bonds outside his partner, they end up having a big, messy argument that leads to their partner storming out and leaving him for good. This sends Nam-gyu spiralling, leaving him in a sickeningly vulnerable state that makes him the perfect candidate for Squid Games. (I'm gonna try to write a fic about this eventually!) Also, I view him as generally bisexual / unlabelled / not really giving a fuck as long as he gets to have sex. "If there's a hole there's a goal," as they say. However, if he were bisexual, I think he would 100% be closeted and probably have some internalized homophobia towards himself.

Okay, on to the shorter, more concise headcanons LOL.

Promiscuous. I think he spent a lot of time sleeping around during university in an attempt to affirm his masculinity and ego that his brothers constantly damage(d). Getting lots of partners, getting complimented, and feeling wanted makes him feel good about himself. I think he would further sleep around while working at the nightclub, as well as constantly being flirty and hitting on guests that he tries to get to come to the club (I remember it being stated that he was a 'club promoter' for Club Pentagon, which is where I'm getting that from). Probably gets really offended when his advances get rejected, leading to him calling people 'bitches' / 'cunts', as seen by his behavior in Squid Game. Besides drugs, I feel like sex would be his vice/addiction.

He wears glasses but usually opts for contact lenses. However, his vision is decent enough that he can function without glasses. He prefers not to wear them because he feels that he looks 'dorky.'

He doesn't eat much healthy foods. His diet and self care isn't the best, and he often has to set reminders for simple tasks so that he doesn't forget to eat, do his laundry, etc. since he's always so focused on drugs, taking drugs, where to get drugs from, and how much money he has left to spend on drugs.

He wears his hair in a ponytail sometimes, especially when he goes to work. It helps him keep his hair out of the way if he's snorting something ^__^

He grows his hair out, not necessarily for the style, but so he doesn't have to constantly get a haircut or have to worry about maintenence. Sometimes he even cuts his own hair.

Not the best fighting skills. Maybe this is canon. Did you see him fall down when he kicked Myung-gi who was literally on the ground already?? He is still decently strong and experienced with at least being in fights, which is consistent with guys his age and height, but he tends to randomly throw his arms / legs around in uncoordinated ways when put under pressure.

A surprisingly good cook, which was a part of him that slowly withered away once he got addicted to drugs.

Wears a lot of baggy clothing and name brands.

His style is fairly simple, a lot of neutral tones: black, grey, white, etc. Nothing too flashy. I think this is evident in his jewelry/accessories too (two simple rings, simple black wristband, simple silver chain)

The chain that he always wears in the games is from his mom as a graduation gift.

I like to think that the other accessories he wears all hold some sort of sentimental value to him as well. Considering I don't think he'd be the type of guy to try and dress flashy, I think he'd be very deliberate with the accessories he puts on and attach some sort of meaning to them. His rings could be from friend(s) that he no longer talks to (or lost to drugs), and I like to think his leather wristband is from his (now ex) partner :3

Very possessive, jealous, and clingy (the clingy part is basically canon, though) over people he deems close friends / his partner

Random, but he prob owns a couple of fidget toys that he randomly plays with to keep his hands busy and prevent him from going through his drug stash too quickly.

Likes wearing anything with zippers / pockets because it allows him to fidget with them. His jewelry also acts as a good constant fidget that he can keep on his person (specifically his rings, he doesn't mess around with his necklace).

Gets cold easily

Chronic nail biter, addicted to caffeine, and often plays with his hair

Insomniac

I also wanted to ramble about this one post I saw on Tiktok. I'm sure many Nam-gyu fans have also seen it. It was the post where someone was analyzing his character and saying they believed he didn't really gaf about Thanos and was just using him as a "mouthpiece", Nam-gyu being a puppet master etc. I can definitely see where they're coming from, and although I do enjoy that concept, I just don't think that's really what Nam-gyu's character was meant to be.

Before I say anything, this is not about Tha//gyu. I view the two of them as friends (although I can enjoy the ship in an AU!) in canon. I just don't think their relationships fits into either of the two extremes that I see talked about by people, which is "Nam-gyu secretly hated Thanos and was just using him to get through the games and for his drugs. He didn't actually care about him at all" or "Nam-gyu was OBSESSED with Thanos and jealous of everyone that talked to him!!! They were in love and Nam-gyu wanted this man all to himself <3"

Simply, I don't think Nam-gyu was just "using" Thanos. He clearly cared about him to an extent. Nam-gyu is a selfish, opportunistic, egotistical coward (I still love him though). He is not at all within the capacity to lead/command a room in the confident way that Thanos seems to be naturally able to. I also don't think Nam-gyu would've done half the things he did in Squid Game if Thanos wasn't there to initiate it, either. He just seems like he'd be so TIMID without someone / a group to back him up. I feel that he would not have taken initiative against MG coin without someone by his side or bullied him as hard as he did, especially with In-ho there. As said by Roh Jaewon (Nam-gyu's actor), "He's one of those guys who's only strong around people weaker than him, but falls apart around anyone stronger." And to quote this article I found about him because I liked how they worded it, "[Nam-gyu] shifts his demeanor to fit the changes in power dynamics." I imagine without Thanos, he would've fallen apart due to his own nerves and just overall off-putting and aggressive personality that would've repelled people from him. He was just as scared as everyone else in that room, and Thanos seemed to be the one familiar face in the games (minus Myunggi / MG coin), along with the fact that they share similar interests / hobbies (namely: drugs, clubbing, being sleazy assholes, etc.), and of course, the fact that they've met before and Nam-gyu is clearly a huge Thanos fanboy. He latched on to Thanos for a variety of reasons: familiarity, clout from the fact he's a famous rapper, and an alliance in the games. Then the drugs, of course.

He cared about Thanos before he even found out about the drugs, yes. Him having drugs just so happened to be a huge plus for Nam-gyu, him being an addict. And when I say the word 'cared', I don't think it was like. Super deep. I don't think they were in love or anything, but I just believe that Nam-gyu genuinely didn't want him to die lmao and had some sort of concern for his life, with or without the incentive of being able to get drugs from him.

Then at the scene where he's on Thanos's bed after the bathroom fight, he held the cross and was clearly emotional, trying not to cry. He spoke angrily, saying that Thanos "treated him like an idiot." He was angry, yeah, but gave a fuckkk about what Thanos thought of him. He wanted his approval SO bad. He thought of Thanos as a friend and clearly had intentions of staying friends with him past the games. He wanted Thanos to get his damn name right!!! He wasn't an evil scheming puppet master collecting people for his own benefit (with Min-su? Ok sure. But I would definitely not say the same for Thanos). Nam-gyu was fanboying over Thanos as soon as he saw him, although he tried to act casual (eg. the scene where he rushes up to Thanos to take a picture with him). It was clear that Nam-gyu cared for Thanos's approval, validation, and companionship in the 'OMG cool celebrity / idol please be my friend and think I'm cool too kind of way'. So, similar to the way Gyeong-su was acting towards Thanos, except Gyeong-su wasn't afraid to show it outwardly lolol.

In short: I don't think Nam-gyu was an evil puppet master with these brilliant schemes up his sleeve. He was/is just as scared as everyone else in that room, although he pretended not to be. He formed natural alliances to dampen his fear and hopefully survive. He latched onto Thanos out of familiarity and recognition of a 'stronger' person and someone who is a 'fighter', and it helped him get through the games with a pretty solid alliance. It made him feel invincible, like he could escape death.

He said he tells himself that he doesn't care if he dies, and that's what gets him through everything, but he clearly does. He fuelled his huge ego by putting Min-su down to make himself feel strong, but he clearly felt safer with Thanos around him as an ally. After Thanos's death, it's clear that this comfort / illusion of being above death and not caring if he were to die crumbles apart. He's alone now, really, really alone. Now he has to face his own thoughts and the gravity of the situation that he's in without a drugged up, energetic, loudmouth friend by his side to distract him from the grim possibility of death.

Nam-gyu is a coward starved for approval of those that he deems 'above' him, egotistical / suffering some sort of superiority complex, and filled with nerves.

Uhhh yeah.

A bit of a long blurb about nothing really, but I just wanted to touch on that Tiktok because I couldn't fully agree with it. This isn't necessarily/at all about Th//an/gyu either, I just feel like Nam-gyu genuinely cared about Thanos and isn't some sort of evil scheming villain mastermind, is all. He is simply a scared dude with an ego, a desire to be seen as anything but, and a wholeee bunch of personal issues.

[ddollfface]

Hii~ it's me again.

You said The Athlete has siblings right? How is he with them? Or just generally with his family, as of current day?

Also, (with Childhood bestf Darling) what would he do if they had a crush? What if it was one of his other team members?

Nobody can convince me that the absolute black cat of a darling I have in mind would ever have a crush in a normal way.

At first, darling is crushing hard on someone, doesn't really realize it, but a certain other guy does. Then, when darling does realize, they do everything in their power to push that person away and I imagine he's right there, on calls with them late at night as they complain about their crush, because-

"he's horrible, right? And he doesn't even like me. Ugh. I hate him so much. He's cruel, and selfish, and arrogant, who'd like a guy like that?"

Insert our boy with the sweetest, "Of course, pumpkin. He's horrible, you know what he did last summer..." (Cue him telling darling about the most atrocious thing darling's crush ever did.)

- 💗 (Making an OC to ship with him is not a want, it is a need. Also, I absolutely love your writing style. The way you slip from third person writing to first person dialogue is really cool.)

𝐇𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐥

𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗦𝗶𝗰𝗸!𝗔𝘁𝗵𝗹𝗲𝘁𝗲 𝘅 𝗳𝗲𝗺!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

"When I looked into his eyes, I knew he was the one." Trigger Warnings; bad writing, spelling errors, vague baby trapping, reader can get pregnant, both yandere and reader have baby fever (self-insert lol), reader and yandere are 18+, descriptions of sex, sex is brought up, talking about yandere's bad childhood, yandere is a lovesick fool, 18+ If I missed anything, then please let me know ♡ I'm splitting this ask into two different things 'cause it's easier on my tiny brain (I also think they're two completely different asks, so yeah). Also, my writing style (where I slip into thrid person) is inspired by @depravitycentral's writing, their literally so good, please go read it:)))

Okay, okay, so let me tell you about LoveSick!Athlete and his childhood, more so his siblings. LoveSick!Athlete is the oldest, though he does have an older half-brother. He's not too close to him, and he was never around. This means, that in the family dynamic, LoveSick!Athlete was the oldest.

Now, after him, he has a little sister, who he is very, very, very close to. Her name is Nayda and she's only a year or two younger than him, they have the same dad, who is a complete scumbag btw.

After Nayda and LoveSick!Athlete there's the twins, who are only two years old. They have a different dad from Nayda and LoveSick!Athlete. They're interracial babies (meaning they're a mix of black and white, in this situation), and this has caused a whole bunch of issues for LoveSick!Athlete and his mama. Especially since where he's from, people aren't the most accepting of interracial couples. There have been far too many times when these old ladies will make too many assumptions with their grabby-ass hands, leading to a whole assortment of problems.

LoveSick!Athlete is close with his family and he feels very protective over them, particularly toward his mama and sister. This is partially because they're women and he has a, slightly, closeminded view of women. He sees them as something he needs to protect. He was raised to never, ever hit a girl, ever. That was seen as unacceptable and it was something his mama would be pissed over.

However, this doesn't mean that he thinks women shouldn't work or anything, it's just that he feels an instinctual need to protect women, even if they can handle themselves. This stems from his unstable childhood; how he would see his mama struggle, both financially and romantically. Because she was the only woman he ever really interacted with, rather than his sister, he grew this instinctual, primal even, need to protect women based on his experiences of watching his mama.

Then there's the twins, Bijan and Abbas, who LoveSick!Athlete isn't too close with. Of course, when he's home for holidays, he always, always helps his mama and stepdad with taking care of the unruly toddlers. He enjoys taking care of them, but he doesn't really see them as his siblings, seeing as he was already out of the house by the time they were born.

Though, LoveSick!Athlete does have a good relationship with his stepdad, seeing as his stepdad is a far better man than his pa ever was. His stepdad was his mama's therapist (ooo interesting dynamic), and he really helped his mama through the filling of a restraining order process (it was against his pa). He even calls him dad, something he never did with his pa. LoveSick!Athlete's mama always makes them have "bro-time", as she calls it. She wants her two favorite boys to get along, and it warms her heart every time she sees them sharing a moment, usually, it's a conversation relating to her.

LoveSick!Athlete respects his stepdad as both a man and a person; he believes that he'll take good care of his mama when he isn't there, which is his top priority. He wants his mama to have a stable life, for her to get out of the projects, and have a nice home. LoveSick!Athlete, no doubt, is a mama's boy and always has been. He loves his mama to death and would love for you to meet her. He thinks she'd absolutely adore you, and she does (from what she's heard about you).

Due to how many siblings, and cousins, this man has, he's very, very, very good with children. Out of all of his cousins, he's the third oldest, meaning that he had to take care of all the younger kids. He was always left giving the baby the bottle or picking the twins up from school.

It wasn't his favorite thing in the world, being a babysitter, but it never bothered him too much as he's very good with kids. Babies seem to just relax around him, giving his mama much relief. He just has this atmosphere around him that kids just seem to love.

LoveSick!Athlete likes how energetic kids can be and how they seem to have a rose-colored view of the world. Their overall optimism really brightens his day and he can't help but let his mind wander, thinking of what your children would look like. Would they have your eyes? He hopes so; he really thinks your eyes are beautiful. The way your iris shimmers under light; how he can see his reflection in your eyes. It's like he can see right through you; your every emotion is reflected in your colorful eyes. Whatever you're hiding or refusing to tell him, he can see in them.

Sometimes, LoveSick!Athlete will just sit there and stare at you, without your knowledge, of course. While you two are on a date, he'll just watch you stuff your mouth, unaware of his peering gaze. He just can't rip his eyes away from yours; he sees his future in them, your future together. You'll catch him, eventually, staring at you like a lovesick idiot. And he'll just shrug, after all, he can't deny my feelings, sweetcheeks. You're far too easy on the eyes to not stare at! Don't derive a man from a good view, yeah?

He'll smirk, leaning his cheek against the palm of his hand, and smile slyly.

He's very subtle with his little baby fever spurts. He'll periodically have moments where he'll feel this overwhelming need to breed you, to make your tummy swell with his children. He wants to make you the mother of his kids, to make you a sweet, little mama. He knows you'd be great; you'd be such a good mother, he thinks.

When the two of you are cuddling, he'll absentmindedly rub his hand up and down your midriff, letting his calloused hand trail down to right above your center. LoveSick!Athlete would hold your waist a little tighter, the thought of you all stuff with him, him, him makes him go insane.

He'll hint it to you when the two of you are going at it; your legs hiked up on his shoulders; he's plowing through you. He's never quiet when making love, as he calls it, but when the baby fever is hitting hard, he's never closing his mouth. Little gasps and pants leave his mouth, going on and on about how you're the one for him, baby. God, you'd be such a pretty mommy. Mhm- let me make you a mama, c'mon, angel, I know we're young, b-but I'll make, make it happen. Umgh- for you.

And he'll pout and whine when you refuse to let him go raw, forcing him into a condom. He'll put every excuse in the book. It's too small, 'm too gifted for this tiny rubber, babes. Just lemme go in there, I swear I'll put out(((

He won't, that was a lie, but once you get to that point, where you're all sweaty, sex is heavy in the air, and your mind is all fuzzy, you won't care. You'll forget all about that stupid condom you were so adamant about a few minutes ago. And he's so, so, so glad you did, 'cause now he can let you have all of him, and I mean all of him. The thought of you all stuffed with his cum spurs him on, causing him to tighten his hold around your, already bruised thighs, and kiss up and down your belly, his muscular form hunched over your sweaty one.

LoveSick!Athlete just wants to be a daddy :( And you won't lie, the way he dots on his younger siblings causes your heart to clench; the idea of having a family, though you're both so young, becomes more and more appealing as the days pass by. You just know he would be a good father, you can tell by how his gaze softens with he sees a woman pushing a stroller or a toddler babbling on and on about some random bird they saw.

And he knows the same thoughts are flooding your mind, and he begs you to give in to them, but you always deny it, pushing his face away from yours. You are in college, trying to pursue a career, that you haven't even started, you don't have time for a family yet, you tell him, but all he hears is that you want to have a family with him, at some point. LoveSick!Athlete just has selective hearing, I suppose, as he just grabs your shoulders and gives you an excited smile. He leans close, whispering in your ear, so you do want to have kids? Yeah? I can make it happen; I can take care of you, just wait. I can wait, just for you. We'd be such good parents, babe.

Just wait, he'll convince you, eventually. He's very persuasive, me thinks ;)

[peanutbutterandbananasandwichs]

do u have hcs for sams post canon family life

Ok so gonna preface this with the fact that I hold opinions that I think are relatively uncommon in this corner of Samblr which is that as a general overarching thing Sam was relatively happy, he and blurry partner stayed together and were mostly happy, and Sam was on the whole a pretty good dad. Not that everything was perfect, far from it, but that generally it all worked out ok. I feel this way mostly tbh because if I didn't I would genuinely struggle to get any enjoyment out of the finale. I'm a FAKE Sam suffering enjoyer lmao. It's already deeply fucking depressing to me to imagine Sam spending eternity in heaven with Dean being squished back into The Roles, I need SOMETHING so cling too lol.

ANYWAYS that being said:

Said this before but although I am fairly flexible on identity of blurry partner my personal favourite thing to come back to is that she is Amelia. So I'm gonna run with her for the rest of these.

Related to this is that I think when we see Sam leave the bunker in the finale to go on the hunt in Texas that ended up being the last time he ever returned. He didn't mean it to be, it just happened. Maybe subconsciously he knew because he'd packed the little memory box with pictures etc in the trunk of the Impala without thinking about it. Anyway keeping this on track, he ends up staying in Texas and eventually, he and Amelia run into each other again - her having left Don again after things didn't work out a few years ago (gonna be real with you I think Don was abusive) and end up reconnecting.

Riot and Miricle are kinda grumpy but tolerant about each other.

They also eventually adopt an old lady tabby cat from the local shelter who absolutely terrorises both dogs, but dotes on Sam.

Sam ends up telling Amelia the truth about his life about 3 months into their relationship restarting, not all of it, but enough to keep her aware. She says that honestly even though it sounds crazy it makes a LOT of sense of how Sam was when they first met. This is the point at which they decide they do want their relationship to last and be serious. Amelia suggests they do couple's counselling together, given both their past issues if they really want to make this work.

He and Amelia never marry for a variety of reasons, but it works for them.

Sam ends up getting a degree - I think in something like anthropology (me an archaeologist totally not biased here lol), he does it through a distance learning program so mostly online but with some in-person classes and workshops.

DJ wasn't a planned pregnancy and it took a lot of discussion between them to decide to go ahead. Sam in particular was very anxious about the idea of being an actual dad to an actual baby, as much as he was kinda one to Jack he knows this is a whole different level. Amelia never wanted kids with Don. Amelia is also in her 40s by the time it happens so there are extra potential complications to consider. In the end they both agree that they want go ahead, and they both acknowledge that this will probably be their only kid.

Already mentioned Sam and DJ being autistic elsewhere but that's very precious to me.

Sam does struggle to find a balance between making sure he's there for DJ in a way his dad wasn't for him and being too much of a helicopter parent. He's SO conscious of DJ being an only child and the potential for loneliness stemming from that (absolutely projecting his own childhood loneliness SO hard and of course, his ideas on sibling companionship are NOT normal lol). As DJ get's older Sam does manage to relax a little, although it is still an issue from time to time.

That being said as I mentioned previously re the autism headcannon this level of worry also means that Sam puts in SO much work and research into being a supportive dad to an autistic kid.

Amelia is the 'breadwinner' in the relationship, continuing to work as a vet, Sam works a series of different part-time jobs over the years, mostly involving fixing stuff. After he gets his degree he works a couple of days a week at the local library as an assistant.

Related, finally stopping hunting gave him time to really catch up with and assess his body, and a lot of the weight and wear and tear of what he'd been through hit him quite suddenly. He has chronic fatigue issues in particular for the rest of his life which is why part-time work ends up being the best solution for him. Although Amelia, and DJ when he's a teenager, do still frequently have to sit him down and force him to stop trying to do too much at once.

Amelia passes away before Sam. She had been dead for about 5 years by the time Sam died.

Sam keeps very little contact with the hunting world, but Jody does still come to visit. DJ is very fond of her, much to Sam's delight.

The first time Sam had to look after DJ on his own after Amelia went back to work full time and was working a nightshift he was stuck to him like glue, Amelia came home to find him curled up on the floor asleep right next to DJs cot.

Sam loves helping DJ with his homework, and DJ loves it too - its their special time together, and its when Sam is able to be most emotionally open and present.

Sam's issues with food never go away, and its one thing he and Amelia do get into fights over is Sam (unintentionally) putting some of his issues on DJ (think Sam telling Jack he shouldn't eat sugary cereal).

Sam and Amelia both discover a love of gardening and they spend a lot of their free time together working on their garden. Amelia particularly loves roses and has a little rose garden that becomes their little sanctuary (Amelia's ashes are buried there). Sam creates a little healing herbs garden, he doesn't actively practice witchcraft but he likes to make little tinctures and teas and stuff.

I'll stop there lol

[magixfairyix]

Mental health storytime because it's funny. Also, Winx related in a bit of a dark way. I laugh at this now, you can laugh at this too. Please laugh.

The irls gon get lore.

SO-

When I was 14 and dealing with stress (ie, bickering going on with fam and with my sibling that wasn't that serious/the latter just made me feel like shit, but this was the first actual stressor I got, and school stress first started hitting) I made a 'very good' decision.

This was a lie, but honestly, it's better than some other coping mechanism I could've gone to.

A 14-year-old me made the decision to force myself to pretend my favourite show existed to the point where I would be convinced I was telepathically communicating with characters and that on my 16th birthday, I would be whisked away.

The show was Winx, yes.

This is where you laugh.

That's where Iorda (oc) came from actually, but at that time I just gave her my name. Y'know how Iorda is the fairy of dark arts and all?

YEaH that's who I made myself think I was. I think I had doubts deep down all this shit was real, but I deluded myself so much istg.

I thought, yes, I was telepathically communicating with Musa. Clearly a coping mechanism when I needed comfort irl but ANYWAY. I thought the Trix were threatening me in my dreams.

I was kinda out of it during those two years ngl, and also didn't really do my best to think about the actual relationships I had in real life.

Dear god that Winx quote, "faries think of others before themselves," or whatever that was messed me up so bad. Again, Winx was the only thing I cared about cause delulu, so the quotes I viewed like a fucking Bibble.

Self-hatred issues probably stemmed from that ngl. I remember staring up at the roof and telling myself shitty things because I thought irl relationships failing (ie, sibling relationships) was my fault and that I needed to try harder and that I was being selfish.

(Still unpacking and fixing that but-)

But yeah, this shit stopped when I watched Arcane. I saw Jinx and I realized that since I relate to her, something must be wrong with me.

I was researching Jinx and I read that she suffered from delusions (I didn't suffer from that, more so just extreme escapism) but yeah, that kinda scared me enough to stop. Three months before my 16th birthday, so that birthday was kind of a rude awakening.

Between that and now were some strange years though ngl.

Like, I was afraid to do anything Winx-related and would cry/stress if I thought I was 'getting back into that place' again. Got over that, lol, thank fucking god. Cried myself to sleep over that a few times.

Also didn't trust my own thoughts a lot of the time, and thought other people were secretly against me for a few months. Making decisions was hell, and I couldn't really mentally regulate myself. So the thing I decided to do (actually a good decision) was just thinking what my comfort characters would want me to do.

My comfort characters were the Trix (and no I didn't think they were real at this time, but they were the resource I had) and half the time, what I thought they would say was, 'bitch please stop hating yourself and keep working on your mental health.'

This lasted awhile (four years) and only really stopped two months ago. I can regulate myself without thinking of comfort characters now so yay. Things improve.

Also, ofc getting out of That Place (delulu-ville) I didn't have much motivation for the future, specifically school. I just told myself when high school started to be smart (like Darcy lol, once again, didn't think they were real at the time, but I had to get myself motivated somehow) and faked it for a few months before actually getting motivated.

Gurl was the reason I've been able to work on my mental health for four years ngl.

No longer in delulu-Ville, I can now regulate myself. SO YEAH-

That's the reason Winx Club is special to my heart (mainly from how the Trix as comfort characters helped get me out of the things that came after delulu-Ville).

I hope you enjoyed my Ted Talk.

You can laugh now, because I sure am.

[edwardsissyhandsthtdanceslikeabb]

if azula needs redeeming, why wasnt she?

i read this analysis of Azuko? Zukla? idk but a critique of their sibling dynamic, particularly within the context of doomed siblings, and tho i don’t agree with it, it’s a testament to its writer that there’s innate value in carving out my thoughts from their own.

so a lot of my disagreement boils down to the fact that the way the analysis construed zuko & azula, from characterizing them as doomed siblings, to the way azula’s breakdown is framed, is a problem of taste and inferences, and how these interpretive elements can be incongruent with technical aspects like intent, convention, medium, or the functional mechanics of art overall.

firstly, i think its very important to highlight that while elite art is holistic and multifaceted, it is doubly focused and premeditated, and its constituents all occupy a purpose and position within it, as they are narrative elements first and foremost. which complicates things when creation and consumption are both such human, evocative processes, but i think looking at the rudimentary layers of a story are the north stars in subjective landscapes like this. and most salient of these, is the story’s anti-colonial roots, centering indigeneity explicitly, and the cultural, spiritual and earthly relationships therein, with the main conflict being restoring the dignity and autonomy of the subjugated, alongside the internal work and opposition that are necessitated in doing so. everything stems from that, and though there is complexity and nuance therein, and the story itself is immensely liberal in execution, it is also ultimately a good vs bad narrative, which it has every right to be, bc colonialism is bad, and colonialists are bad.

therefore, atla inherently adheres to convention, and has a preestablished idealistic framework. to illustrate this, it utilizes two central characters, both encapsulations of the dualistic nature of oppressor and the oppressed, and navigated thusly as foils to one another. zuko is thereby, the deuteragonist, and the depth or lack thereof, of his environment are equally conditioned by his position, as the confines of the kid’s tv medium, serialization as well as narrative structuring itself, craft him. kill your darlings and all that lol.

however, these positionalities, while abiding convention, are not binary, and while conclusive, they are not absolutist. zuko for example, is antithetical to a Madonna, stressed by him even having a redemption to realize, and azula too is done an injustice by any reduction to a whore / imperfect victim archetype. this compartmentalization, is luckily ill-fitting in accommodating their totality, and doesn’t incorporate the fact that consequence, in avatar, is not a condemnation of personhood, but a retaliation to action, and has mangled indiscriminately, with azula’s case actually, being the reclamation of principles and in-world intentionality.

to begin with, zuko, while most recognized for his redemption, is not functionally the redemptive character™, he’s an example of the sacrifice, sincerity and labor that are inherent to anti-colonial action facilitated by an absconding oppressor, of the inborn empathy and active resistance that are needed for a system to change, and how you don’t just get there through platitudes or amicability. those thematic niceties are ofc inherent to his story bc he’s fleshed out and the things that inspired him thusly are too, but that emotional and relational floweriness is a consequence of his actions, not their driving force (being embraced by imperial idolization, by his royal family, was not fulfilling), what drove him is a fundamental and intrinsic ideological disdain for the imperialist war machine — it was ultimately, an abstraction of self – by acting in service of others, which unlike letting imperialist standards (e.g. chauvinism and parasitism and “honor”) puppeteer him as an instrument of violence, is ironically, an act of true autonomy and discernment. deriving your value from mutualism and earning one’s stature, instead of asserting yourself on others and letting corrosive and paternalistic worldviews (and by extension the selfishness & self absorption i.e “honor” innate to that) rule your destiny.

azula, however, is meant to be an inversion of that, is meant to reflect what happens when you reject morality or connection, instead letting control and superiority entrap you. she is explicitly a cautionary tale, which also comes with its own oversights and inelegant implications, but she likewise, greatly exemplifies the internal decay and loneliness inherent to alienating yourself through cruelty and stratification. and is it not possible then that a girl who has valued herself by what she can inflict on others, would then have the very sanctity of existence warped at no longer being able to dominate, no longer deemed the ideal? is infection not a thing that savages, before it spreads? in this way, azula is poignant.

as the more intimate face of imperialism, she is humanized in her parasitism, but it is not used to soften her behavior, nor is it used to hand her redemption. it is not smth that she is owed for the very coincidence of her birth or blood, its earned, and she did not earn nor want it.

so when a character that suggested the utter evisceration of marginalized groups, and thereafter tried to murder a personification of colonial survivor’s guilt and endangered practices, is consequently left to mourn her superiority, just as her father before her, its smth we sympathize with within reasonable boundaries. when her brother, who she abused, doesn’t martyr himself to azula’s interiority, instead laboring towards his own destiny and happiness, rather than the genesis of azula’s redemption, that is not inconsistency, it’s peace. its making peace despite the fact that some would rather rot in the entrails of imperialism than afford its victims value, would rather hurt others, and in turn themselves, than embrace healing and progress

— (plus inflicting his values may not in fact heal, when healing is not inherently uniform, and growing is not innately moralistic).

now, there’s a whole nurture vs nature angle to this as well and these ontological arguments are often touchy, yes zuko had ursa and iroh. yes zuko was forced to challenge his preconceptions, but zuko wasn’t diametric to these things, and the supplementations he did receive were always compensatory. zuko was deemed genetically inferior by ozai and thusly ostracized, hence ursa’s gentle partiality, zuko was then mutilated and exiled, and naturally needed supervision, which was provided by an overseer who mirrored his disgrace. if denied these safeguards zuko would’ve been denied even palliative care, whereas azula was perceived as needing none when she was revered positionally and familialy.

yes being pit against zuko was toxic and destructive but its not at all equivocal to the outright abuse zuko suffered. ofc the threat of it was implicit but those who abet or orbit abusers are not inherently under threat, and i think azula is characterized similarly. it's not fear that colors her outburst against ozai, nor coerces her silence, its entitlement and a sanctifying of hierarchies: “i deserve to be by your side.” - it’s respect that earns her silence and it’s the promise of respect that goads her acquiescence, the prospect of accumulation. this is ofc not a healthy mindset to have bc azula hinges her value on perfection, performance and status, and it's evident how the pressure of that collapsed her, but it was a pressure she had embraced before. it was her adeptness that ozai latched onto, and before the inviolability of it was challenged, azula took advantage of her nature, she weaponized it, and it was that eagerness that ozai exploited.

as viewers we process this as the objectification it is, but its reality, is a systemic natured dehumanization, ingrained in any culture that seeks to mechanize its constituents (which is all societies actually. we are all complicit). ozai thinks he is honing her as did his father and his colonialist forefathers prior, and herein is not abuse in the conventional sense, but rather a tradition of commodification that extricates skill and hegemonizes personhood, it’s an existential death necessitated by imperialism. it’s the death of agency. azula embraced this necrotic philosophy until she was confronted with the consequences of her rot, and *that’s* what she got. consequences. of which she was spared throughout.

it was never personal.

sure we get glimpses of her humanity, her vulnerability, but they’re paltry and muddied too by an undercurrent of duplicitousness. azula flaunts zuko’s impending demise, yet later, includes him in her outings. azula relishes zuko’s mutilation, but also fetches him from the beach house. she falsely welcomes zuko back, then implores he join her sincerely. and azula shares her pain from ursa yet spurns softness still, from MaiKo’s juvenile fondness to ursa’s own guiding attempts. azula is ceaselessly cruel to zuko, then spontaneously benevolent to him once he has seemingly subsumed the apparatus of colonialism. and gives him credit for killing the avatar, yet shows a sly inclination of his revival. this isn’t to insinuate that azula is ontologically evil or that she’s an unnuanced, mono-faceted individual. and she was a child. yet zuko’s youth didn’t spare him from the grotesque terrors of death and alienation, and it didn’t temper her perpetual antagonism and bloodlust, she is demonstrably self-serving, and this is evidenced throughout.

this is not to shame her in her passivity, nor an expectation that she martyr herself or even commiserate with her brother. rather, her downfall is a reaping of autonomy, made subject to the tendency of one’s active leanings. in which the choice of her sibling abuse exacerbated her societal abuse, all festering, foremost, the abuse of her own soul.

so, relatedly, is it not possible that a character of her cunning, who emotionally degraded her own sibling while gleefully championing his attempted imprisonment, before graduating to attempted murder by preparing to electrocute him while he was enfeebled on the ship, then later tried to kill aang, tried to kill katara, gloated abt intending to kill zuko at the air temple, injured iroh while making her escape from the gaang + zuko. also endangered and coerced ty lee into joining her, imprisoned mai, nearly killed zuko as he tried to save katara (which was likely her intent, or at least meant to cripple zuko’s composure — dishonoring the agni kai) — need i go on. azula’s benevolence is conditional, and consistently transactional, and so is it not possible then that she gauged zuko’s swaying allegiances against her own armaments - when faced with iroh, a waterbending master, an earthbending master with groundbreaking abilities (>_-), and the literal avatar, after observing their – plus aang’s growth, and having been cornered before, then decided rather, that having another asset, puppet, contingency plan, in her pocket wouldn’t hurt.

maybe she was being benevolent, or maybe, azula, who too sat in liberated territory and was gifted a chance for growth and morality, rejected that chance over the value therein, tenderized for extraction, parasitizing instead. maybe azula too, was acting in the imperialist tradition of exploitation. maybe she holds the capacity for compassion and care — which we have gleaned regardless — but the tangentials and hypotheticals of the world are often not what is actualized, and they are not a thing that can be affected. empathy is an active pursuit, and it is mutualistic, provisional — and so there is not a ‘who’ of azula’s redemption, but a what, the ‘what’ that is to be influenced. the personalization of one’s own form, of an internal receptiveness to commiserate with. bc as is, azula is merely a husk of colonialism, and being a husk of colonialism is meant to be sad, its deliberately tragic, unflinchingly pitiable. disorienting. life shattering. that’s what you’re meant to feel, it is not an inadvertence of zuko’s arc, and it is not a coincidence of the narrative.

she is a trajectory within herself, and her fate is a whole within itself. just as zuko labors towards rectifying his nation bc he needs to, bc there is value in dismantling colonialism, not bc the imperialists are owed it, but bc everyone else is. zuko also watches, not with apathy or boredom as his sister implodes at this, but with pity, with grief, bc azula manipulated herself a bed of corpses, and it is not him who must choose not to lie in it. when healing is intentional, is active, and zuko has chosen to heal. when azula cannot be handheld and shielded from her war crimes and systemic violence bc she wasn’t hugged enough as a child. zuko too lost a core sense of support mournfully young, and moreover at many points in his development journey, but the inclination that told him to speak up in the war room is doubly the same inclination that told him to afford jin affection, or help the earth kingdom family, and save his crew member in the storm, despite this very vulnerability catalyzing his banishment.

azula had friends and she had adoration and she had paternalistic validation, but contentment is unattainable when accumulation is your driving force. and the only thing left to cannibalize is yourself. with this, azula’s downfall was not only inevitable, it was natural, foretold even. and just as iroh doesn’t adhere to whatever deficits were sewn unwittingly into ozai, nor is it demanded — it also isn’t azula’s fallibilities that now damn her. azula isn’t the “bad sibling”, devoid of nuance, she’s the bad person™. despite it all.

katara has ptsd and toph is blind, sokka is a non-bender and zuko was deemed handicapped then maimed thereafter, instability is not azula’s punishment, its an externalization of her decay, and its meant to be unrelenting and all-encompassing, because abstraction and objectification are totalitarian afflictions. likewise, her condemnation is not a consequence of gender marginalization, tho the undertones of spoilt brat tropes and somehow unconventional, inevitably crazed women sully our palates. we taste bias even where it perishes, even as the fire nation is seemingly meritocratic, and unabashed, imperfect girls are idealized story-wide. from toph to azula herself, who may be conflated for a sanist archetype, yet challenges gender roles and infantilization in her prowess and militancy, as she’s sterile and calculating and impassive, where zuko is feeble and undermined, aimless, emotional. she is far beyond any trope, contrivance or embellishment, and doesn’t flourish or encumber zuko’s arc, as he equally isn’t made to for her’s.

azula is a force beyond zuko, until she can no longer deny him, and azula haunts zuko until she doesn’t, until her own crossroads loom, her contrived dualism of failure or victor, aggressor and victim. and she is forced then to reckon with loss. azula’s end is not a reductionism at hands other than her own, her fall is not zuko’s win, nor does the show frame it gloriously, there is no joy in her misery, no minimization of her tragedy, from the score to the tone, in her chilling, animalistic pules, azula languishes in her self-destruction, and it is one entirely independent of zuko. with this, we are shown azula’s nuance, the unthinking allyship she inspired, yet the coercion and dereliction it veiled. the camaraderie and kindness she offered, to warn zuko against visiting iroh, to credit him unduly, yet the threat it masked, to stay unadulterated, to stay unctuous. the vilification she detested, and yet the love she scorned for its fragility and irrepressibility. ursa doesn’t confirm azula’s worst fears, ironically, sadistically, any love she may have held haunts her, is nearly derisory. impossible.

and while no debate exists that ursa neglected azula, or that she failed her duty to nurture and cater her parenting to azula’s needs and interiority, the factors that complicated that, such as ozai’s own domineering hold, alienated mother and child from any means of cultivating real love, and thusly the influences azula did ingest were brutality, unchallenged in nature, entirely singular. it’s a self-flagellation, a ritualistic and sustained self alienation, amputating any vulnerability, all perceived pluralities.

so azula, despite not consistently having her perspective expressed, still encompasses the products of colonial rearing, and its destructiveness isn’t meant to be contested, sugarcoated, not with others and not with the self. fascism has denied us azula the person, and that may be a consequence of format, but it isn’t a consequence of the narrative. nor realism. we are meant to acknowledge azula’s complexities in the intentionality of their artful crafting, while not undermining that architects of oppression still bleed. one can see themselves in azula’s struggles, in the humanity of her endeavors, while not decontextualizing the tenets of her positionality, while not undermining that every character that claimed their redemption, did so by choosing another, by loving.

and azula’s journey to love, to embracing her own humanity, is a journey solely her own. this isn’t to say that she doesn’t deserve support or guidance or love or care, but that’s not the point. that wasn’t the intent of her character, and that wasn’t the thematic priority of the show. it's an extrapolation. bc some ppl suck and that’s ok. and there are ppl you cannot help and that is ok. and sometimes the ppl you love will suffer, and that has to be ok. bc sometimes you choose yourself, sometimes you choose what you can, and that is ok. it is okay to grow, and it is ok to move on. that’s the point. it is ok to spit out the poison. forgive any tactlessness therein, but it’s a tough pill, and its meant to have an aftertaste.

however, it's not cynicism that one is meant to internalize, and it's not intended to inspire fatalism either, although the symbology of azula’s toxicity is excised, the human struggles she encapsulated remain, the intimacy of our empathy persists, and it will color the fire nation’s vices and pitfalls. bc when one can’t just will away indoctrination, as we saw with both azula and zuko, and even still with paku or toph’s parents, as hierarchies are intersectional and multifaceted, and in the trials of decolonization there will thusly be azulas’, but there will also be zukos’, and pakus’, and sokkas’. all with their very intimate, equally human complexes to confront, unravel and rectify. just as there sit your perspectives, as there too exist my own influences.

and while zuko may merely be a beneficiary of the prevailing zeitgeist (tho imperialism explicitly requires non-consent lol), where azula once functioned, and he may be no more ontologically owed redemption than azula, or deserving love over her, when in the forever-war of subjugation, it isn’t abt ontology or criteria, nor logicisms or hypotheticals, its abt action. so zuko tries. and that resistance, that anti-colonial praxis, is a good start, it’s the most meaningful start. zuko isn’t king, or redeemed, bc he’s genetically “good”, its bc he tries. that’s the point. not how efficient he is or how proficiently he embodies apparatus.

reparation. that’s. the point. the triumph of resistance juxtaposing the tragedy of complacency. bc nothing is immutable, and so nothing is too far gone.

.

.

Besides… it’s only a kid’s show heh.

[makofinz]

hello hello I NEED to know more about your werewolf slick au. I'm actually obsessed

ragghh i actually don’t have too much on it in my head as if rn !!! it stemmed from like.. a little convo in a srvr on whether chars gave vampire or werewolf vibes and i LOVE making Slick into creatures.

now i have a lot of general werewolf thoughts i can apply to her in my head bc. i think about werewolves and vampires frequently a LOT. and i fear it may be a little much for one ask, so while none of this is lore significant at all (as there is no concrete lore) i hope it is satisfactory!!! (under cut bc its. actually sort of a lot of text augh)

-mm i think the freights bein a wolf pack is silly. full moon is just. they run around and play fight and chase each other around.

-as mentioned, wolf features pop up a few days pre full moon and fade a few days post full moon, so in total, it’s arnd a week of wolf silliness. Her teeth (the ones that stick out) are part of this, so she chews a LOT in that time. she has chew toys for this bc otherwise she just tears things apart

-she sheds like crazy. like worse than any of the other freights. for some reason her fur is always around.

okay!!! general werewolf lore drop. where I think you can be born a werewolf (yk. obviously) or turned into a werewolf by being bitten. its diff than a vampire bite w/ a ton of fake biological reasons i made up but. but that’s the jist of things.

General Slick lore drop!! in my head. her and CB are siblings, where CB ended up leaving her in hopes someone else better suited would find and take care of her bc he couldnt. applying this to werewolf au is almost the same!!!

Ceeb got kicked out or separated from their original pack, took Slick with him bc it was not a good environment for EITHER of them (she was very, very little. he was mid-late teens). He could not take care of her, so ended up leaving her somewhere he hoped she’d be found by someone better equipped to care for her.

From this point on I’m still not suuper sure what events will happen in what order. But obviously, eventually she gets found by Momma, n is once again part of a pack.

-m. i think to vampires. werewolf blood can taste gross. (I usually imagine like wet dog loll). And if yk anything abt me yk how much i love shipping her w ANY of the electrics (who obv give vamp vibes). think this would be silly. (even if werewolf is showing no wolf features, blood will still vaguely taste gross to a vampire. just. slightly off. this becomes more apparent closer to full moon)

-eats raw meat even when it isnt near full moon. this doesnt make her sick, cause shes a werewolf, but its definitely odd. I think if anybody else does this too, itd be Porter. Hydra n Lumber think it’s gross. (esp Hydra, who I’ve been imagining as lab-made werewolf. Experiment to see whether it can be done n he was created.)

-as mentioned in the little doodle page. she doesnt like standing upright when transformed. she CAN, and in fact, being shorter than most werewolves, it should actually be easier for her, but it isn’t. she’s bad at it and she hates it.

-mmmmmmm shes just a big stupid puppy dog (definitely still violent to people. shes a werewolf, but much rather play than go after anyone)

-speaking of. eventually do want to draw her as a puppy. she was so scrappy and pathetic and sad looking. so easy to carry around by the scruff. idiot dog. ok. okay im done rambling lol. i like slick a lot.

& of course. cred to lovely people in srvr who inspired the drawing in the first place lolz!!!!!!! ik a lot of these thoughts might not make sense but. but trust okay.

[iska48s]

Gilbert Bellerose

[ Lore drop: ]

Member of House Bellerose. Gilbert is a kind and compassionate man, deeply attuned to the suffering of others. His warm and caring nature set him apart from the rest of his family, who regard him as overly sentimental and lacking in assertiveness. Gilbert is also notoriously talkative—once engaged in conversation, he has difficulty knowing when to stop. A simple inquiry about his day often leads to an extended monologue.

He took in Flora and Clemens as his wards during one of the darkest moments of their lives. The siblings had endured a terrible accident that claimed the life of their eldest brother, leaving them alone in the world. Having fled their home, they were barely surviving when Gilbert found them and offered his help.

Clemens, nearly of age at the time, received an education and everything he needed to rebuild his life. Gilbert also provided him with a prosthetic arm to replace the one he lost in the accident. Later he assisted Clemens in establishing an herbal shop. Preferring a simple life away from aristocratic society, he settled in a quiet part of the metropolis. Gilbert and Flora frequently visit him.

Flora, on the other hand, was still a young girl when Gilbert took her in. At Clemens' request, she moved in with Gilbert, giving her a chance at a better future. At first, she was just a foster child, but their bond quickly deepened. Before long, Gilbert formally adopted Flora as his legitimate daughter, raising her with care, as if she were his own flesh and blood.

Gilbert's protective nature stems from a tragic past. Once married and expecting a child, he suffered a tragic loss when both his wife and their unborn child perished during childbirth. To this day, he has never fully come to terms with their deaths. This lingering grief fuels his determination to keep Flora and Clemens safe, ensuring that no harm ever befalls them under his watch.

---

Kinda angsty, but anyway, I made some quick doodles this time lol:

[musicalmoritz]

I was wondering if you had any headcanons about Nene and Akanes home lives?? Like we really know nothing about there parents and stuff

Thank you for this ask, I love to yap abt this kinda stuff!!

TW: Mentions of neglect

So for Nene I like to imagine her parents are good but not perfect yk?? Like they’re nice people who are very loving towards her but they’re not very involved in her life. She’s closer with her mom, who makes more of an effort to get to know her. A lot of fans like to hc her parents as being really awful and I don’t have a problem with that but I personally don’t see it (it can be interesting to read tho). It’s also important to keep in mind common tropes when pulling the “her parents never show up” card. It’s insanely common in media focused around teens for the parents to be absent, that’s a way for writers to depict the newfound senses of freedom and independence kids feel at that age. It doesn’t always mean the parents are neglectful, though you can most certainly headcanon them that way if you want to.

When I’m making headcanons based on characters’ home lives I tend to analyze their behavior and see where it might stem from. Nene is a very friendly girl with lots of love to give but she is a lot of insecurities, which leads me to believe she has kind parents but not ones that reaffirm her self-esteem. They probably aren’t the type to call their daughter beautiful every day, but I could see them still being nice to her. Their family probably isn’t overly close tho, they might not go out and do things. But again these are all my personal headcanons, others might interpret it differently. Sometimes I make her parents get divorced so Mama Yashiro can get a wife and Nene and Mitsuba can be siblings. That might be the best fic trope this fandom has created I fear (aside from Akane patching up Teru’s wounds)

Akane is the one I dump more trauma on lol. I feel like his parents are neglectful which leads to him going out of his way to be attentive towards others. He’s subconsciously trying to find someone who will give him the love he’s been missing out on. He also wants to make sure that no one else feels isolated/ignored, that they don’t have to worry about their basic needs not being cared for. He makes himself reliable and tends to be very independent outside of his emotional dependency on Aoi (which ties back to his search for love). The Minamotos also act that way with the independence/need to be relied on, and we know their father isn’t home much. I also like to hc that his parents act like the two different sides of his personality. His mom is very doting and affectionate, but in a shallow way. Then his father acts more apathetic, like Akane if he didn’t have a perpetual chip on his shoulder. And I don’t think he’s realized their neglect is a problem yet

Anyways Kako is his best parental figure. That’s grandpa fr fr

I just realized the top part of this response looks objectively hilarious. Let’s all take a minute to appreciate that

[umathurwin]

On the topic of Kiara love triangle with Rafe and Sarah imo it only works if it’s Sarah ⇔ Kiara <- Rafe. Kiarah literally saved a depressed teen Kiara who was on the verge of suicide. Rafe liking Kiara and it being unrequited fits in their dynamic in the show as in most of their scenes he seems to be adamant on changing her perception of him, she couldn’t gaf but does extend empathy. If I were gonna adapt Kiara's kook year I would portray Kiara and Sarah maybe having a babe crush on one another and the idea of it being reciprocated spooking Sarah. And a strong platonic bond between Kiara and Rafe where by the probably have a deeper understanding of being their parent’s disappointments, each others clear fear of loneliness and struggles with mental health. The idea that once Sarah iced out Kiara, Kiara ends up icing out Rafe without giving him much choice fueling his envy of Sarah. Sarah and Kiara being able to reconcile but not Kiara and Rafe. Fast forward present day a morally regressed grief stricken Kiara and spiralling Rafe could have brief fling in Lisbon that never makes it back to obx cus he hurt Sarah (and the pogues) and in his eyes its still always Sarah. Just a thought lol.

oh i love this read. when i watch s1 i can see such a clear hatred for the cameron siblings coming from kiara, and that it partially stems from a failed lesbian babycrush has been my headcanon since the very beginning

i totally understand seeing rafe's crush as being unrequited, and that it was never more than platonic between them, because them being not-as-close as kiarah could explain how sarah was forgiven so much easier. but i actually see this as reversed-- i think rafe/kiara had a very deep and personal relationship (supported by the similarities that you mentioned) with an ugly break up and i've talked about it before, but i get the feeling his addiction and mental health was the main closer for them. that kind of trauma is much more difficult to work past than some petty behaviors as a teenager. especially if you're also willing to be petty (like calling the cops on sarah) and especially if you're being forced to make up and move on by the plot your best friend who needs her help to continue the treasure hunt

i think all his efforts insisting her perception of him is wrong is not "you never got to know me", it's more "you knew me, i fucking sucked, but i swear i don't anymore, pls trust me". yeah she doesn't gaf because she's a smart girl protecting her peace with bigger fish to fry. but as rafe becomes more evidently on her side (helping her in barbados, offering the pogues the boat to morocco, making the deal with shoupe to get him off their backs, reconciling with sarah finally) i think we're barreling towards her realization that maybe he doesn't suck anymore

i just feel like this has been too well set up for it not to end on a romantic note. and since again john barah is 100% endgame (despite her cheating problem having never been addressed but ok) we probably won't have our satisfying kiarah ending, so i'm gonna take what i can get :/

this was really fun to think about, thank you so much for sharing your words with me 🙂‍↕️

[goblins-riddles-or-frocks]

Do you think Aleksander managing to find companionship in any long living sibling would have changed anything at all? Eg Ulla lives for a long time.

Hmm hard to say because I think it would hinge on what his dynamic would be with the sibling and how that does or does not shake up his dynamic with Baghra.

Ulla is interesting because she didn’t grow up with Baghra, so she has wildly different values, which might be good! But also growing up separately means they don’t have much of a formative bond, and from what little of her personality we know about from the Language of Thorns, she seems prickly and independent. And she certainly didn’t jump at the chance of going with Aleksander when he offered! Therefore, even in a scenario where they interact as family, I think it’s just as likely they just randomly come across each other like once every couple decades lol so it’s not going to be much in the way of companionship. So I feel like he’d probably eventually wind up in the same place in that scenario?

Generally I don’t think he’s the sort of person where a single positive relationship would fix him. Both because Baghra already exists, and that didn’t solve anything at all, but also because he already has a pretty firmly entrenched “us unique few who matter vs those statistics on a page who’ll be dead in the blink of an eye” mindset. So a single sibling wouldn’t really alter that worldview, unless like very unique circumstance where they’re older, and have had the opportunity to develop values outside of Baghra’s perspective, and they’re present during his formative years. And that’s still a toss up imo! But anyone who’s younger, also isolated, and either only has Baghra’s perspective, or like Ulla shows up way later, just isn’t going to meaningfully change his worldview, and therefore how things eventually end up.

(Unless you mean changing things in terms of him having an additional enemy or ally during the canon era, which, again, too many variables to even begin to consider.)

I’m very much not a Baghra hater, and I think Darkling stans get really weird about her! But it is true that pretty much most of his Problems (i.e. his personality) stem from how she raised him, what values she instilled in him, and the formative circumstances of them being so isolated and afraid of everything and everyone all the time. So I really think the only sort of relationship that would fix him is one found outside of his family unit, and preferably before he’s had centuries to calcify into uh… who he is.

Which makes the KoS introduction of other Saints really interesting! Because you’d think they would offer any sort of community for him. But a) KoS is not real to me, b) seems highly likely that the Saints were so fucked up and also so wildly uninterested in the rest of the world/the plight of Grisha that he eventually found them repellant.

Anyway, I think any sort of formative, actual community could’ve fixed him… DitW where Annika doesn’t try to kill him lmao. But also his character hinges on the concept of continued isolation, betrayal, and loneliness leading to insane ruthlessness over centuries. So like he’d need a string of good luck with people who might die eventually anyway, or at least some immortals that both don’t suck and aren’t Morozovas.

[bayleavesfromthevine]

some kn8 ramblings (with a side order of manga spoilers)

i love that (as far as we know) kafka and mina's tragic backstory is "dead cat." we know nothing of their parents, homes, or friends from after the kaiju attack, only that mina's cat died. (obviously, the series isn't over yet, so this could be totally disproven at any point, but bear with me lol.)

i actually find that really refreshing. yes, it's so heartbreaking to lose a pet, but it's not the typical trope of a character's power level correlating to how traumatized they are (ex: family massacres, everyone they've ever loved ending up dead, backstabbing, torture, etc etc). their traumas are grounded in very realistic and relatable circumstances, and i think that goes to show that a character doesn't need these extreme reasons to want to do good and fight the scary monster. mina's cat died in a kaiju attack and she wants to make sure that no one else has to lose their best friend/ball of floof to a kaiju ever again. that is enough of a reason and a noble one at that.

soshiro, as another example, has a complicated relationship with his family, but they aren't dead or rogue. he's not seeking revenge on them, but rather they did not support him when it mattered and made him feel inferior - that is a traumatizing environment to grow up in, and unsupportive parents & sibling favoritism are also SO grounded in reality.

it really makes these characters feel real, and i think it's a powerful thing for a reader who maybe doesn't have the best relationship with their parents/siblings like soshiro, or who has lost a beloved pet like mina, or who doesn't have natural-born talent in a specific field like kafka, to see these characters take those experiences, work through them, find a support system, and overcome them.

(side note: i LOVE to see that soshiro actually went no contact with his brother for past behaviors! that sets such a powerful example to readers that it's okay to cut out people who have made you feel like shit!!)

of course, there are other characters like narumi and reno who have heavier backstories, but i love that their experiences don't automatically turn them into the brooding emo characters who think only of killing kaiju and seeking revenge with zero intentions to form friendships with the people around them.

it's just really nice to see. i feel like in stories that have a large cast, it's easy for a character's backstory to completely shape their personality, rather than being shaped by a multitude of experiences - good and bad - gained throughout life. (in cases like reno and kikoru, we see them grow as people & change their outlooks due to their positive experiences with kafka and the rest of the defense force. that doesn't override their past experiences, but adds layers to who they are overall.)

i see kn8 getting criticized a lot for lacking in depth or themes - and i do think there is a conversation to be had about locating the series' central theme and whether or not it's been clearly communicated (and whether or not that even matters) - but i also think part of that criticism stems from having a fantastical premise (that maybe SHOULD have a little more death, but that's another conversation entirely lol) with deeply grounded characters, a contrast we don't see too much of - especially from series in the battle shonen & shonen-adjacent genres (thinking about shows like naruto, aot, jjk, demon slayer, hell's paradise, etc).

basically, i find it refreshing that kn8 isn't over-traumatizing its characters despite the fact that the premise would allow it lol