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xelasrecords · 1 year ago

Text

Locus of Pain

Kim Jihyun x MC

NSFW

MC doesn't tell Jihyun she's hurt. He finds out anyway.

I'm back with smutty and messy ambiguous relationships! With GE Jihyun's personality. I will forever campaign for his GE personality until it becomes mainstream in fics and I don't have to put a disclaimer anymore.

TW: discussions on adult child abuse, self-destructive thoughts and actions, brief mild gore imagery, self-harm

Words: 4.5k

Masterlist Read on AO3

She stumbled into the apartment with a pained grunt.

She ought to feel bad for staining the floor with her blood, but she had more important matters to attend to. Her back was burning with lacerations and every step she took was straining the bruises that had burrowed into her muscles.

She tried not to swing her hands too much as she headed for the bathroom, disposing of her jacket at the foot of the bed. For once she was thankful for Rika's cramped apartment. It could be suffocating at times, but it was easy to live in. Jihyun said Rika had a taste of unassuming minimalism. She thought building a gilded emerald cult with thousands of followers was pushing the definition.

Gripping the edge of the sink, she clenched her jaw and started peeling off her blood-crusted shirt. The injuries shouldn't be too deep since the blood had stopped flowing down her back like a free-flowing motherfucker. But as she pulled the shirt over her head, it tore the barely knit skin apart, and warm blood started to trickle down again.

She cursed her thin epidermis. It was not supposed to tear over a mere picture frame thrown at it, even if the frame was large enough to cover half of the bedroom wall.

Her father had excellent aim and strength. He had proven that to her many times.

Sometimes she fantasised about breaking his skull in with a scorching hot pan, wondering if his hair would melt from the heat or if his eyes would bulge out of their sockets. Would he scream for her help? Would he plead for mercy or curse her for being a demon spawn? Then, she could blame him for fathering such an evil inside her.

Her stomach curdled with guilt. The resentment was hers alone, and he had loved her despite her selfishness. She couldn't shed away the primal care she had for him. She was her mother's daughter, after all.

Twisting her body in the mirror, she made a quick work of cataloguing her injuries. Two long gashes that dipped into her flesh but wouldn't require stitches, one blackening bruise near her ribs, and several cuts and bruises that stippled across her back. She tested her breathing. No wheezing. No punctured lung. An improvement from the last time. Jihyun wouldn't need to know.

She stepped into the shower and washed off the blood. The cold water chilled her bones. But it had to. It was better to feel all of it. She had asked for his wrath and now she dealt with the consequences. Besides, it helped with closing the wounds.

After she put on a pair of shorts, she reached for a bottle of alcohol from the medicine cabinet. Sharp gasps escaped her mouth every so often as she tried to pour just enough. Medicine was costly and she shouldn't waste it. The burn blinded her vision white and she hunched over the sink, focusing on the cold ceramic under her fingertips and the slicing of tiles beneath her bare feet.

When her sight had stopped swimming, she took a deep breath and bent her arm behind her in awkward angles to slap adhesive bandages to the wounded area. She grunted in frustration. It was tougher than she'd thought. She was nauseous from constantly looking up to check her reflection, the evening autumn draft was pricking at her exposed skin, and the plasters kept sticking to the wrong place.

She glared at the mirror. Do not faint.

How many nights had she spent patching herself up? And yet she still struggled. Her lack of progress was almost laughable.

She didn't think there were any glass shards embedded in her though. One good thing that came out of this. She tried not to think about the larger shard she had pocketed when the picture frame glass shattered, now buried under the bloody heap of clothes.

She froze when she heard someone punching in the door passcode.

She was about to kick her bathroom door close when Jihyun entered and switched on the lights from down the hallway. Their eyes locked, and he stopped in his tracks. Her throat constricted.

This was not how she wanted him to ever see her.

His face grew horrified, and he dropped his satchel in his rush to get to her. She had a fleeting worry that his satchel might have dropped onto the blood-stained floor and she might have ruined his fine leather bag.

Jihyun stood before her, his mouth opened and closed. She schooled her face into indifference and waited.

"You—" he started, "what happened?"

The impulse to lie was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't find a good reason to when he had caught her like this. She doubted he would believe her excuses. The day had been long and she was so tired.

"A jolly good ol' catch-up with my parents." Her tone was casual.

Jihyun watched her with a worried frown, then squeezed into the small space and ran the tap water through his hands. He was moving with a surprising efficiency as he lathered his hands with soap before scanning her injuries and her first aid supplies.

"Please let me help." His teal eyes were desperate. She had forgotten how luminous they were from up close. "You can't do this alone."

"You shouldn't have come here tonight."

"I'm well-versed in healing people," he urged. "I used to heal my own injuries when I was with Rika. I treated hers as well. I know enough, so you can trust me." His fingers twitched, almost reaching for her before dropping to his side. "Please."

More than the fact that she was found out, she hated that she had made Jihyun worry about her. The only thing she excelled at was to instil negative feelings in people who cared about her. Always wrath in her parents, sometimes concern in Jihyun.

Jihyun had never lost his head at her, but she was waiting for it to happen. No one had the patience of a saint, not even him.

It was a pity she had condemned him to another relationship where he had to play the caretaker. Letting him treat her would be an appropriate compensation for his scare. "Go on," she said. "But I should probably lie down."

Relief flooded his face. "That would be the best. Can you walk on your own?"

She nodded, but he held her arm and assisted her to the bed. He sat her down, slowly, and helped her settle into a comfortable position to lie prone in. She buried her face into the pillow that smelled faintly of mint leaves. It was Jihyun's side of the bed. It comforted her that he was permanent enough in her life that she could find traces of him in her private space.

"Has it always been this bad?" Jihyun asked quietly. The feeling of his lithe fingers inspecting her skin with clinical precision was unfamiliar. His touches were always loving, adoring, not stiff with anxiety. He had never seen her with weeping wounds. She had never let him into the truth.

"Only when I deliberately provoke them. Mother goes off the rails, father blames me for not caring about my own parents, I try to save myself before things escalate." She raised her head and smirked at him. "I don't always succeed though. Got a picture frame to my back, as you can see. Took being backstabbed by your family to the next level. They were supposed to hang it where their guests could see, but I doubt they'd hang it without the glass now. People would ask."

There was a brief silence before he spoke. "That's terrible." His voice was soft, barely a murmur. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know they are violent."

She shrugged. "You're not the one who should apologise. And they will anyway, once they think I've iced them out for too long. Not that it means anything."

He shook his head, and strands of aquamarine hair fell across his forehead. They softened the distress that wrought his features. "You're not a mouse they can play with."

"No, I'm just their daughter they can hurt," she said. Jihyun pressed a bandage against the grisliest gash across her back and she winced. "Do you think it'll scar?"

"It most likely will. Had it been any deeper, you would have needed stitches." He paused, his palm resting on her spine. "Why didn't you call me?"

"It didn't occur to me," she lied. She wanted to lay down her defences and curl into his arms. She didn't want to keep fighting for herself. There were times when escaping was better than fighting for nothing, but it wasn't something she could ask from him. Her cage was her own.

Jihyun's fingers curled against her skin, and she could sense the waves of sorrow unfurling around her. "Can you think of me from now on? It doesn't have to be all the time, moments when you are hurt will do. If you call, I will come."

"I think of you all the time, Jihyun."

"Oh. I didn't know that." The surprise was evident in his tone. He applied another bandage to her back, smoothing it cautiously over the raw wound. "But I know no one is meant to bear their burden alone. You have been through so much."

"So have you, love. I'm not special." She gave him a bitter smile. "Now, why did you come here unannounced?"

Jihyun studied her for several seconds. "I wanted to see you," he said. "You've been withdrawn lately, so I thought something had happened."

She chuckled. "I suppose this counts as something."

"I never had to imagine you in my position before," he said. "I thought you'd confide in me when you're hurt. It's what you always urge me to do. You taught me to be more trusting. But seeing you like this makes me realise how much fear you and Jumin must have felt when I took matters into my own hands." He let out a ragged sigh. "I don't know how I would cope if I came here one day and saw you unconscious on the floor."

Lucky he wasn't here when she blacked out from a concussion a few months ago.

She made a dismissive gesture. "Do as I say, not as I do."

"Only if you let me do the same thing."

She levelled a glare at him. "Definitely not."

Jihyun snorted but worked silently after. The stinging pain was dulling into low throbs. She had lost count of the bandages he used, but it must have been more than necessary. She felt the adhesives even on the spots that didn't require them. Jihyun was being excessive. After everything she had gone through, she was confident that a small, uncovered cut wouldn't be her reason to die.

He should know. He had been stabbed and was still alive fretting over her.

She heard him uncapping an ointment and felt a cool sensation on her skin. He carefully massaged the salve into the bruises, sending shivers throughout her body. How nice he was. How patient. How kind.

When he pushed her hair aside to tend to the base of her neck, her breath caught. His fingertips sent fire down her synapses. It had been so long since they did anything. The distance she put between them was growing taut. The farther she pulled, the harder she would crash back into him.

Her arm moved on its own accord when she grabbed Jihyun's fingers and pressed her lips to the back of his hand. The strong herbal scent from the salve burned her nose, but this smooth hand was his. Hers.

Jihyun was always there for her to come back to.

He was not home. Home, to her, was not something that she ever longed to go. It was the misery that strangled her into obedience and shrunk her world into a dark, bleak place to survive in.

He was her sanctuary on a far-off island. Nothing could get to them when they were together.

Jihyun let out a light chuckle that sang to her heart. "Let me wash my hands. I don't want to make you any more ill."

She squeezed his hand. "I missed you too, you know. I'm glad you're with me."

He stilled, then crouched beside her head. He tucked the hair that obscured her face behind her ear and kissed her temple before gently wrestling his hand out of her grasp. The shape of his lips was just as she remembered it.

She watched him rinse the blood from her clothes and exhaled in relief when he didn't stray to her trousers' pocket. She watched him clean his hands with water trickling down his forearms, the brown sleeves of his sweatshirt pulled up and collecting water at the elbows. She watched him storing the first aid kit and medicines in the cabinet to her preferred arrangement. She watched him doing useless things for her.

When Jihyun climbed into the bed and rested against the headboard, she asked, "Do you know what the worst part of this is?"

He stared down at her, eyes carrying a heavy sorrow. "That your parents don't know how to love you?"

"Not even close." She rolled her eyes. "I've known that all my life. Not being able to lean against anything is the real tragedy. Look at me, I can't even sit comfortably beside you."

"But you can come closer," he said slowly.

She raised her brows but let him guide her to lie on his chest, his fingers resting on her bare shoulders.

He was clothed and she wasn't and it was something she needed to rectify.

She tangled her leg around his and relaxed her head against his beating heart. It was thrumming to a rising tempo that mirrored hers. She toyed with a loose thread on the neck of his sweatshirt. "I wish you weren't so good at fixing up injuries like mine. I wish you never had to learn."

"It's all in the past now." He slipped his fingers into the gaps between hers and clasped them. "I'd go through it again if I had known it would help alleviate your pain."

She snapped up at him. "Your martyr streak needs to stop."

"I have stopped. Just allow me this one exception." He planted a chaste kiss on her mouth, then cleared his throat. "Will you meet your parents again?"

She tightened the thread around her forefinger until it looked like diagonally dissected blocks of meat and she could barely feel its existence. "I know they do horrible things sometimes, but I can't cut them off. It's not that easy. I still love them. When they're not mad, they can be easy to love."

Jihyun frowned at her finger and gently untangled the thread before snapping it off. "That's what makes leaving harder, isn't it?" The haunting in his face revealed the extent of horrors that he had experienced. An angel with a darkened, torn soul who was still rising high above. He was not her. She liked that about him. "It's easier to hate someone when they have only been awful to you. It's their residual goodwill that gives you hope that they will change. When I look back to how stubbornly I stood beside Rika, I understand. Left in the dark, we cling to the light. We forget who trapped us there in the first place."

She didn't want to admit that Jihyun was right. That he was right, yet it would not change anything.

She wondered if she had been drawn to him because the subconscious part of her knew he would understand. Jihyun knew how to make her feel less alone in the guilt and resentment and twisted love that she couldn't untangle herself from. Most people were not like him. She learned from a young age that if people found out about the abuse, they would either urge her to leave—which added unnecessary pressure on her because it was never an option—or give her pitiful looks while stumbling over their words.

"Jihyun," she said.

He drew his thumb over her chin. "Yes?"

"Don't go." She pushed herself up and crashed her lips into his.

It was fervent, maddening, and she poured all the tension from their time of separation into it. The yearning to see him. The stress from her parents meddling with her happiness. Everything she had been missing after being alone for so long.

Jihyun reciprocated with more caution, treading her lips like they were a treasure trove. He gave in eventually when she didn't show a sign of discomfort, his kiss matching her intensity.

She bit his lower lip and slipped her tongue into his mouth. He gripped her shoulders, pulling her closer until she was pressed against him. His hands were not sliding down her waist and everywhere else like he tended to. He kept his hold staunchly on her arms even as he deepened the kiss.

It hit her what he was doing. He was being considerate of her battered body.

She let out a sob into his mouth. Nobody had ever cared for her like this. She could stand all the violence flung at her, but one act of kindness felled her to her knees.

Jihyun pulled away in an instant, his glazed eyes searching across her face and body. "Are you all right? Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head. "I was just thinking about you. You're wonderful. I missed you." Jihyun's expression was guarded, appraising her, and she let him. She had spoken the truth. She offered the truth so rarely that she would not omit more of it if it concerned his regard for himself. "I'm fine, Jihyun."

He gave a slow nod, and she tugged off his cashmere sweater. With a tender touch, she ran her hand through the ragged red patches of skin that stood out against his pale torso. Burn scars from a house fire. Both of them had childhood wounds woven into their very being. The past was made permanent on their skin.

Jihyun squirmed, seemingly self-conscious, despite her being familiar with the scars, but he made no attempts to stop her. He was beautiful, body and soul, she thought. He had more love and forgiveness in him than anyone she had ever known.

She trailed kisses along his jaw and sucked on the juncture behind his ear. He moaned and curved his body against her, and she smiled into his neck. It was amusing, the reactions that she could elicit out of him. No one could touch him as she could. He did not let anyone else know him intimately like this. He was only for her.

She suspected all of this played into his pleasure as well.

She twined her fingers around his hair, marvelling at the softness of it, and pulled it back to bare his throat. He had such a beautiful throat.

She didn't apply much pressure as she wrapped her hand around it, but his breath hitched. Her lips curved into a sly smile, her other hand wandering down his hard bulge. "I don't know why being choked always turns you on."

Jihyun held his gaze on her despite his reddening complexion. "I can feel you wanting me when you hold me like this."

"I do want you." She swung her leg astride him, straddling his hips and rested her forehead against his. The hard-on beneath her was hard to ignore. "It drives me out of my mind when I can't be with you."

"You shouldn't have pushed me away," he murmured. "I'll still want you, however you are, whatever condition you are in. You're always just you to me. Nothing can make me want you less."

"I'm sorry," she said. Jihyun closed his eyes, and she kissed his eyelid with a gentleness that she reserved only for him. "I'm sorry I left you alone."

He cradled her cheek, and she basked in the warmth of it. The safety of him. He was here and she couldn't fight the temptation to lose herself in him. "You didn't leave me alone. I belong with you. Anywhere you run to, you take me with you. I'm yours."

She tightened her hold on his throat to see his reaction. "You're mine," she whispered.

A slow smile graced his delicate face. "I am. I'm yours."

Jihyun drew her closer by the elbow and peppered kisses on her mouth, her chin, her throat, and her collarbones. He palmed her breasts and sucked her nipple while tweaking the other with his fingers. They hardened at his touch and she moaned his name, demanding him to be harder, rougher.

She needed to feel everything.

He bit her nipple and her hand slipped to the base of his skull, grasping at his hair. He was hers. His action and devotion were hers. It sent a deluge of pleasure down her core. Jihyun could be gentle, but he was also earnest to give her the satisfaction she sought.

She wanted him. She wanted him. She wanted him more than the freedom from her wretched life.

"I love you." She tipped his chin back. "I love you, Jihyun. Remember it."

He smiled up at her, his pupils blown wide with lust. "I love you, too."

She reached down and unbuckled his trousers. She had done more strenuous activities in a worse state, so fucking him wouldn't damage her already mangled body. But Jihyun stilled her wrist when he saw through her intention.

She narrowed her gaze. "I'm on the pill."

"You're hurt," he said. "I don't want to worsen your injuries."

"Have you not treated them?"

His grip wasn't loosening. "You need more time to heal. The wounds may open again."

"Then go slow."

Jihyun hesitated.

"Please," she croaked.

As soon as she uttered the word, she knew she had him. He sighed, but let go of her wrist. "You'll have to be careful. I'm stopping this if you push yourself too far."

"Brilliant."

Jihyun pulled down his trousers while she discarded her shorts. She lowered herself into him, relishing in the feel of him filling her. He ran his hands up and down her waist tentatively until he was sure that he wasn't touching any of the injuries on her back. Only then did he allow himself to move into her with practised ease. She held onto his shoulders and rolled her hips in tandem, burying her face into his neck and letting him control the pace. Jihyun had meant his warning and she was not eager to risk it.

It felt new. It felt familiar. It was what she had yearned for. His low grunts, her body slanting forward to hit the right spot, their skin sticking to each other in sweat and slick wetness.

Jihyun was slow, unhurried, with faint caresses down her back. His concern for her was easy to read. He was tracing back the pain that he couldn't protect her from. He might no longer bear a debilitating guilt, but she didn't think he could ever eradicate his need to shield her from misfortunes.

She couldn't blame him. It was the same with her, though the abuse done to her wasn't something that anyone could simply take away, and they both knew it.

She bit his earlobe, mumbling, "It's not your fault."

Jihyun tilted his face, and his lips brushed her cheek. "It's not yours either."

She stopped caring whose fault her source of agony was and thrust into him, picking up the pace while she dug her nails into his arms. He didn’t stop her, his hand snaking down to find her bundle of nerves instead.

She gasped and arched her back when he rubbed her. She was vaguely aware of the sharp jabs of pain in her back, but she welcomed them. Pain grounded her into him.

Jihyun's fingers were vigorous, and his thrusting was getting rougher that it twisted the coil in her lower abdomen. She writhed with need, whispering to him not to stop, and he listened, and it brought her higher and higher until the coil snapped.

She cried out in ecstasy.

Jihyun kept to his pace as she rode out the climax, not stopping despite her trembling legs and clearing haze. She focused on him overwhelming her in a way that annihilated her need for anything else. The alkaline tang of paint that lingered on him. His tightening grip on her bottom as she felt him reaching his climax. Him twitching inside her when he finally did, his muscles tensing as he came inside her. His pleasure-struck face that entranced her every time.

He was a marvel to look at, to have. He was hers. He had proclaimed it. He was the forest that shrouded her from the vultures circling above, the soft sand that sank her deeper into him with each pull of the waves, the hearth that kept her warm through the barren cold. With him, she could breathe.

She would give him everything he wanted. She would not let him go.

She slumped against him, their mixed fluids seeping down her thighs. He slipped out of her and she kissed the underside of his jaw. "I love you."

Jihyun's breath was still racing as he drew circular patterns on her shoulder blades. "Your parents didn't hurt you because you provoked them. They hurt you because they're abusive. It's not your fault."

She sighed. She had hoped he would let it go, but nothing could stop him once he made up his mind. "Knowing it doesn't make it any better."

"Do you really think so?" He ran his thumb up her inner forearm. She flinched and tried to jerk away, but he held onto her. The deepest scars had faded to silver, but the fresher ones were raised ridges along her skin. She had been careful, small cuts scattered on an easily hidden spot. She didn't realise he would notice. "Isn't this your form of penance?"

Her chest tightened. "It's the only thing I have control over. If I blame them and direct all my anger at them, I will hurt them. This way, the only person I hurt is myself. I'm not a weapon. I'm not a threat."

"Don't you think you've been hurt enough?"

She wore a thin smile and looked away. "Sure."

Jihyun's hands slid up her jaw and tilted her head back to him, his fingers resting on the pulse points on her neck. "You can be angry around me. It's natural to want to express your emotions. They're not something you're supposed to keep to yourself. Talk to me when you feel like turning to self-mutilation. I'm yours, remember? My ears are yours to talk to. My shoulders are for you to lean on."

She surveyed his pleading gaze with a twinge of pity. Jihyun was asking for more than he was supposed to receive. In time, he would see it.

Another waiting game had begun. She almost did not want to see the ending.

"All right. I'll do that."

Footnotes:

I went with Jihyun because I thought he'd be an interesting choice. The role reversal and all. He's forced to confront how he is seen through MC's eyes when he's involved in dangerous situations and refuses help.

MC's relief for living in Rika's suffocating apartment at the beginning parallels her feeling trapped in the familial cage that she doesn't want to leave. There's a reason why she doesn't move out of the apartment even after the cult drama is over. She's a bird caged too long that she can't take flight even if the door is open. She's not capable of leaving things behind, so she hoards everything she can (Jihyun) to herself.

MC thinking that her father "had loved her despite her selfishness" is the product of her parents' manipulation. Her belief that she's selfish if she feels negative emotions and wants anything at all is what drives her self-destruction, and ironically, her possessiveness.

With Jihyun, it's easy to make him fall into the rescuer role when the partner self-harms, so I was very mindful of depicting the discovery scene. I didn't want to romanticise it and make MC feel like if she got hurt more, she'd get more attention from him. Since this is GE Jihyun, he wouldn't default back to his old enabling methods.

I was dubious about making MC self-harm since I don't want this to be a gratuitous checklist of trigger warnings, but it makes sense for her to turn to cutting. If she has to be hurt, it might as well be by herself. Might as well be on her terms.

The nature metaphors are to show Jihyun's and MC's common interest in nature.

Are they actually in love or is it just oxytocin and loneliness? Who knows?

I felt pressured to write a romantic fic, but I haven't been able to these days so I turned to this. It brought relief somehow. This was cathartic.

I used to think I'd never write a possessive character in a non-antagonising light yet here we are. I compared this MC to the one from Wedge the Knife Under My Skin, but this one is blunter with her words and well, more possessive. She's bitter and sarcastic and resigned to her suffering. Fortunately, Jihyun is secure enough to see through her sharp defences.

The title is a twist on the locus of control concept in psychology, which is about a person's degree of belief on how much of their internal force governs their external life.

I don't know why I like to throw Jihyun into ambiguous relationships either.

Header Corner:

A quick process breakdown! Add a directional blur to the base footage > duplicate the footage, slightly shift the position and change the blur direction to get the hazy look > add a red filter overlay to fit the fic's bloody mood but retain the magenta in the background to resonate with the romance aspect > choose the appropriate angsty text and font!

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#jihyun kim #mystic messenger #mysme #jihyun kim angst #jihyun x mc #jihyun kim smut #mystic messenger fanfic #mystic messenger v #mystic messenger imagine #tw abuse #tw self harm #xela writes #jihyun kim fic

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ridingtorohan · 1 year ago

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AU: Another Story route (vaguely referenced). Cross-links: ao3 A/n: Written in 2017. Never edited.

It's hard not to fall in love with Rika. During a late-night garden stroll, it's even harder not to be captivated by everything that she is. Sometimes the darkness haunts you - and other times you willingly step in.

‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ SHADOWS IN THE GARDEN

‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ───※ ·❆· ※───

The garden feels eternally dark with a low and threatening feel to it. It had nothing to do with your company, or the potential of tripping. The lights, bright and blinding, hanging across the vine fencing is enough to see by. The glow is gentle and soothing and graces upon the smooth petals with an air of sincerity, of love and tenderness. Rika’s hair is lit up with a gentle glow, a slow sort of haze that makes you think of her as an angel.

The shadows are long on her face, cruel and unkind and don’t do her justice. It toughens her features, makes her look more monster than man.

Then she might tip her face into the light and any unease you feel melts away. There is something tranquil to the way she upcurves her lips, something soft and inviting. The way she speaks is soft and considering, her gaze never once flitting from you when you speak, her hand soft atop yours. You feel like you are her world, her attention solely focusing on you. It feels both overwhelming and affectionate - it is enough for you to slip up, to give in and surrender your secrets and sins.

The light dances across her skin in the garden, fresh blades of green brush against her wrists as she pulls up something that looks like a rose. Dimly, you are aware that Ray thinks that that is your favourite. Perhaps it is now, with the way she curls her fingers around it. Her eyes remain on you. You never understand why poets give life to blue eyes - hers are the fruits of the earth, the bend of the trees and the lap of the wind. There’s a tenderness, a softness to the angles of her face, something that makes her look homely.

It is not the soft petal of her lips, the swell of her cheeks, the budding of innocence in her face. It is the way she looks at you, admiring and in awe. Thirsty, as if she wants nothing more than to drink you up. You understand then why people seemingly fall prey to vampires in stories - there is an ethereal charm to her, something timeless and beautiful. There is so much devotion to her gaze that you want to fall to your needs and kiss her knuckles and pray to never leave her side. Women like her are the reason men go to war.

It is not just her appearance that pulls you in - the way her hands shifted and brushed against your skin as she helped you adjust your outfit. The precise way she handled your drinks, coffee or hot chocolate or walk milk or tea - anything and everything she held in such high regard. She does not scold herself when she gets it wrong but her jaw tightens and she will try again until she gets it right. The relief and clumsy happiness that spreads across her face is enough for your chest to warm with affection. The casual way words roll off her tongue, hot and sickly against your skin, a fever that you press into again and again and if she is the devil you will fall to temptation. She is smart and blinding in her presence - so much time and devotion and love. She never turns you away, always asks about your day even though she is with you, curious and envious of your life until assurances fall from your lips like a prayer. You will never leave her, you swear. Perhaps it might be smothering by anyone else. Perhaps this is what it is like to drown alive.

“These things must be done in precise order for the desired outcome,” she sighs your name and it is heaven sent. Rika’s lips press against the rose, tender and fleeting. A soft jealousy blushes at the edges of your gut. Her eyes catch yours and you see the darkness within. The light you barely glimpse behind her is so easily sniffed out.

You have always been afraid of the dark but with her you want to smother yourself with it. There are edges to the shadows, uncertainties to the jaggedness, something hard and foul every time you peer in. There’s an intelligence to it - something curious and strong and never fleeting, just receding. It always comes back.

Secrets are buried where nobody can see them and truths become shaded. It makes heroes out of fools and fools out of cowards. You are not afraid of the dark - just what lurks within.

With every darkness, there is light - not her, you realize moments too late, but perhaps you. She trails after you, lingering but never touching - not.. completely. The ache you feel for Rika is what the new moon feels for the light of the sun - incomplete and hollow. You were once warned of her persuasion skills, the curl of her tongue - she is the whisper in the night, the one that keeps you awake all the time.

There are secrets she keeps, ones that will burn you alive if you dry them out, and there are sins she will commit that will make the day shy away. But she will never once betray you - because the truth is this: the night eternal is keeper of secrets. Your mind will play tricks on you, deceive you into believing something is there, that something will harm you. The only thing that the shadows keep is Rika and Rika keeps you. You have nothing to fear from her.

Rika is the reason why people are afraid of the dark - because secrets can tear people asunder, can ruin and devastate them, for every secret is a truth and the truth burns with the weight of the sun.

She is honest, because honesty and truths are shared in the cover of ebony, sinful and sweet and something you never want to let go - it is the allure of the day that takes people away.

You can keep her if you pull the blinds closed and shush the world. It is enough for you not to be afraid of her, or her darkness or the coming of the dawn after - you know that you can trust her.. as much as you can trust the darkness to always be there. After all, you may stare into the dark abyss, but the abyss stares back.

#mysme x reader #rika x reader #rika kim #mystic messenger #mysme #mysme rika #reader insert #mystic messenger imagine #ooc: // bruh #ooc: // if they don't make a rika route i will SCREAM #ooc: // I should really replay mysme again #kim rika #rika kim x reader #mysme rika x reader #mystic messenger rika #reader scenario #reader imagine #gender neutral reader

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mammonscheeks · 5 months ago

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om! older brothers reacting to mc playing mystic messenger

✎ includes: lucifer, mammon, leviathan

✎ warnings: none

"I've missed my bed..." you mumble, flopping onto your mattress in the HoL. You pull out your phone, opening your favorite otome game: Mystic Messenger.

You had endured a long day at RAD, full of making excuses for slipping out of your classes. You couldn't help it: to get a good ending in Mystic Messenger, you had to complete a certain percentage of the daily chatrooms. So, whenever you heard that familiar 'ping' notification, you would excuse yourself and stalk off to the nearest bathroom, closet, or any place where you could be alone.

With all of your classes and chores done, you could finally laze around in bed, playing at your own leisure without the threat of a professor or classmate looming over your shoulder. That was, until a knock rang at your door, prompting the entrance of a certain demon.

LUCIFER stood in the doorway cautiously, entering your room just as you clicked on a chat room with 707.

"MC, I'm here to get that classical vinyl I left here last night- oh... am I interrupting something?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at the amount of text messages appearing on your phone screen.

"Oh, no! Come in," you wave the demon over. Despite Lucifer's otherwise sophisticated nature, he couldn't help but sneak a peek at your phone, which was conveniently held in his field of vision.... Only to see 707 taking up the whole chat room, spamming text messages and emoticons at lightning speed.

"MC, who is that? he texts like Mammon," Lucifer scoffed with disgust. "are you... dating someone?"

"It's a character in a game, Lucifer!" you smiled, staring at your phone screen. "don't worry about it."

"Oh." Lucifer stated curtly. his hand subconsciously slid over his chest, as he felt a surge of blood pumping through his veins.

A game? I feel relieved that another demon, angel, or even that human solomon hasn't beaten me to MC's affection... but still...!

You felt a soft hand on your cheek. Tearing your eyes away from the screen, you found your face inches away from Lucifer's blood-red eyes, which were staring deep into your soul.

"Remember, MC... You belong to me. No one else... Game or otherwise." His sweet voice dripped onto your tongue like honey.

MAMMON bounded into your room for no reason, as per usual. It had become customary at this point for him to come over, sit on your bed, and simply chill with you almost every day.

"MC, you've been on your phone all day, who are you talking to that's not me?" Mammon pouted, laying on the bed next to you, dramatically splaying his arms out for your attention.

"Mammon, don't be an attention whore," You joked. "There's no need to be jealous."

"Hey, don't go around calling me jealous! I don't get jealous!" Mammon protested.

He suddenly froze when he saw what looked like an incoming call on your phone screen... From somebody named 'Jumin Han.' You accepted the call before Mammon unexpectedly threw himself across your lap.

"WHO'S JUMIN HAN?" He yelled, basically tackling you.

"HeYY! Get off me!" You shoved the demon, but to no avail. After a short power struggle for your phone, he finally grabbed it and yelled into the receiver.

"WHO ARE YOU? STOP CALLING MY HUMAN!"

"I just closed a deal with an oil company in the middle east... the life of a future CEO is always busy," the game character, Jumin stated in his cold tone.

"Ugh, even his cold way of speaking reminds me of Lucifer!" Mammon groaned. "Wait... A future CEO? So... What I'm hearing is that he's rich?"

"Get off me, Mammon!" You groaned. "It's just a game!"

"Hey, Jumin Han! I don't care who you are, or how powerful your credit card is. MC is MY HUMAN, ya hear?!"

LEVIATHAN knocks on your door before entering, his Nintendo Switch console in hand.

"MC, don't tell me you forgot about our MarioKart tournament today! Levi sighed.

"Nope, I haven't-- I just have to finish this chat really quick," you said, waving Leviathan over to your bed.

The purple-haired boy blushed, but complied with your request. As he sat next to you, the bed dipped slightly from his weight, and you smiled at your phone screen, scooting close to Leviathan to fill in the awkward space and get more cozy. However, Levi's embarrassed attitude vanished entirely as he glanced at your phone.

"Ooh, is that Mystic Messenger? I love that game!" Leviathan gushed.

"You... You've played it?" You asked, looking at him with wide eyes.

"Of course! I've played every single route and unlocked most of the DLC!" He grinned proudly. "But, MC... Don't get too attached to that app, alright?"

You looked at Levi, whose face was red as he refused to make eye contact with you.

"Don't be jealous, Leviathan. You know that I love talking to you all day, every day."

"H-Hey, that's not what I meant! But you're right! I'll always be here for you, unlike them!"

The two of you spend the rest of the night talking about your experiences with the game, its backstory, and other fandoms that the both of you are in together.

#obey me #obey me x reader #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #mystic messenger #obey me hc #obey me headcanon #obey me imagine #mammon x reader #leviathan x reader #leviathan x mc #mammon x mc #lucifer x mc #obey me brothers

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simplybakugou · 6 days ago

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Mystic Academia: Sero's Route | SERIES MASTERLIST

DAY 1: story mode ↠ sero hanta

↝ After some peculiar messages appear on a phone you found in your mailbox, you are led to a mysterious apartment by an Unknown number. What secrets will you uncover in this mysterious place along with a secret chatroom with 6 strangers?

A/N: first story mode and part of the series YUUPP. apologies for the late upload but i am finally getting around to working and editing this series. please be patient as i continue to work on this series :)

NOTE: credits to @eraserhead-transparents for the sero and jirou caps

JOIN THE TAGLIST

#sero x yn #sero hanta x reader #sero x you #sero x reader #hanta x reader #bnha social media au #mystic messenger #bnha x reader #bnha x y/n #bnha smau #mha imagines

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libra-kirishima · 2 years ago

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Mystic Messenger Characters + Their Toxic Traits ✨

Feat. Zen, Yoosung, Jaehee, Jumin, Seven, and V

Short headcanons inspired by this post I've made about My Hero Academia characters and their toxic traits x

! fem reader, brief mentions of sex !

Zen

Insanely jealous. He's barely able to restrain himself from barking like a dog when he sees you talking to another man

- and he will come up to you mid-conversation and embarrass you in front of this man because Zen wants him to know who you belong to.

Has some mildly sexist views on women

- Speaks for you even if you're right next to him. Will order for you at restaurants without being asked. If someone asks you a question and Zen thinks he knows the answer he'll answer it for you as if you aren't capable of answering for yourself.

- Tends to believe that you're fragile and vulnerable and that he needs to protect you because you're a woman

- Will help you with chores but he believes it's your job to cook

- Doesn't ever let you take control during sex. He thinks that, as the man, he is supposed to be the one on top and in control. He's a pleasure dom but sex is always done his way because he never lets you take the lead.

Canonically homophobic

Lacks self awareness

Yoosung

King of putting things off. Ignores problems in the relationship for as long as he possibly can until one day it all comes to the surface and he bursts into tears

Avoids conflict to the point of concern. He'd rather lie to himself that everything is fine between the two of you than address an issue in your relationship because he doesn't want to start a fight.

Struggles to make time for you. A lot of your dates are hanging out together while he studies in his room or at the library.

Shamelessly codependent

Jaehee

Also terrible at making time for you

Always working. If she's not working under Jumin then she's always working on improving the coffee shop. She doesn't know how to function when she's not working 24/7 and under constant stress

She takes things so personally. She'll never tell you she took something you said personally but you can tell.

Lowkey a grudge holder. If you two get into an argument she'll bring up something you said to hurt her feelings two years ago.

Jumin

Wants to take care of you but "taking care of you" can mean doing things that are very controlling sometimes

- extremely resistant at first to the idea of you having a job or going to college since he can provide for both of you

- hates taking "no" for an answer if he thinks he knows better than you. If you're sick with a cold he'll go against your wishes and call a doctor no matter how many times you insist that you're fine.

- Never learned how to let someone else be in charge of something so he also never lets you take control during sex.

Resistant to change

Makes important decisions without you based on what he thinks you would want

Can come across as very apathetic at times. He thinks he's offering an objective point of view that will help soothe your emotions but instead it can feel like he doesn't care about them because you're being unreasonable.

707

Has gotten into the habit of lying about the dumbest shit, so it can be difficult to tell whether he's being serious or messing with you

Doesn't help with household chores because he doesn't find them mentally stimulating

Gets really bad depressive episodes. He doesn't want Saeran to see him like that so he bottles everything up until he can't anymore and will take all his emotions out on you sometimes.

Has never had to communicate how he feels before meeting you, so he never learned how. A lot of the time you're relying on your intuition because he doesn't talk to you about it. Part of him still believes nobody cares about how he's feeling.

Incredibly passive. Getting him to voice what he wants is like pulling teeth.

Codependent and in denial about it. Thinks he's just really in love with his wife.

Has a tendency to completely ignore how he's feeling because part of him is desperate to please you.

Tends to think in absolutes. Has a very black and white view on most things

Struggles to believe that he deserves you and that makes him crave validation, but he never wants to voice to you that he needs validation.

#no saeran this time because i wanted to make my headers using panels from the webtoon #mystic messenger x reader #mystic messenger imagines #zen mystic messenger #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #jumin han #707 #saeyoung choi #luciel choi #v mystic messenger #jihyun kim #zen x reader #yoosung x reader #jaehee x reader #jumin x reader #707 x reader #v x reader

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queenie-avenue · 1 year ago

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Can I go where you go?

—> Domestic Jumin Han Headcanons with you!

↪ SFW, slightly suggestive at times, fluff, reader is not specified to be male nor female

🦋 ⤻ archives.

— Jumin always makes an effort to cook breakfast for you, even if he has a chef. His mornings are one of the only times he gets to fully spend time with you, so he makes sure he cherishes and takes full advantage of that time.

— Doesn't mind getting called Cat Mom/Dad after getting together with you because technically, you are also Elizabeth's Cat Mom/Dad which means both of you are married and have a child. (I feel like he would think like that, idk why.)

— Loves doing chores with you.

— If you are doing dishes on their own, he will make sure to wrap his arms around your waist and sway a bit and kiss your neck sweetly.

— Jumin makes a big effort to know about your interests. If you like anime, they will make sure to watch the summaries on YouTube of their favourite anime everytime a new episode comes out. If you like painting, they will learn about the best museums to bring you to.

— Loves when you dress traditionally.

— Will buy a vinyl and various disks with elegant music and play it every night. When both of you are in the mood, Jumin will invite you to dance and twirl you about softly while kissing you.

— His kisses normally follow the pattern of Hands —> Arms —> Shoulders —> Neck —> Jaw —> Cheeks —> Nose —> Forehead —> Lips. He makes sure to take a lot of time so you feel good.

— Although he loves the passionate kisses you give, he finds himself falling in love with you even more everytime you kiss and squeeze his hands at the same time. (BONUS POINTS FOR KISSES ON KNUCKLES)

— Dislikes it when you turn away from him in bed. He prefers sleeping while facing each other, cuddling too.

— A lot of different sleeping positions (not like that, get your mind out of the gutter): his head on your shoulders/heads/chest or your head on his chest. He especially likes when you cuddle closer if it's too cold and Bury yourself into his chest.

— Loves when you wash his hair in the bath or vice versa. (Inspired by that one wholesome reddit post. Does anyone know whether that couple is still together?)

— Likes to put his hand under your shirt to trace your spine, collarbone or any bones, really.

— His Favourite Nicknames for you are 'My Queen, Lover, Darling, Sweetheart.'

— You're the only one he allows to call Elizabeth, 'Elly'. He doesn't like to admit it but he also catches him calling Elizabeth 'Elly' at times.

— Loves to see you playing with Elizabeth.

— After a stressful day of work, he will silently drop everything at the door and bury his head into your chest.

— If he ever finds you crying, he will kiss and lick the tears from your eyes.

— Whenever he sees a photo of you on an online article or anywhere in the Media, he will complain that they cannot capture the 'True essence of your beauty.'

#mystic messenger #jumin han #jumin han x reader #mysmes #jumin han mystic messenger #headcanons #imagine #han jumin #jumin x reader #jumin x mc #mystic messenger jumin #jumin han imagine

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married-to-google-translater · 11 months ago

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I wanted to request… maybe headcanons for a yandere ray from mystic messenger? specifically i was imagining like, what would he be like with someone who’s really innocent and naive- perhaps someone like an angel to mint eye. i hope that’s not too specific!

Gift is made by @sapphireicecream

Thank you for letting me use it <3

Yandere Ray headcanon

Ray would adore you.

Your kindness and gentleness would melt his heart.

If you were to be gentle with him, it would feel like a dream.

Ray would really adore you.

You could be an angel to mint eye…

But you would be like a god to him.

And believe that Ray would take your safety very seriously.

He wouldn't want "bad" people to be able to take advantage of your kindness.

Ray would like to protect you.

You are too innocent for this world.

You would spend most of your time with Ray.

And he would try to make you as comfortable as possible.

Pretty much anything you'd want Ray to do.

You would receive your favorite flowers, gifts, favorite food, etc.

He could also give hugs if you let him.

Surely Ray would blush during hugs.

However, there would be a few exceptions.

Like he couldn't let you go…

And he couldn't let you see other people either.

But otherwise you'd be fine <3

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger x reader #mysme #mysme x reader #Yandere mysme #Yandere mysme x reader #yandere mystic messenger #Yandere mystic messenger x reader #yandere imagines #yandere headcanon #yandere headcanons #yandere imagine #ray x reader #ray #Yandere ray #Yandere ray x reader

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thelost-in-time · 5 months ago

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A letter from your comfort character

A love so bright that it could conquer the dark

A love so gentle like a moon lighting up the way for a wandering traveller

A love so sweet like the sweet nectar from the freshly bloomed flowers.

A love so comforting, like a weighted blanket to soothe the anxiety and fear that lurks.

My love for you burns like a thousand fireflies, dancing along the flowers

Your arms, will forever be my home. And my arms shall forever be your safe haven.

I will love you, forevermore.

Through the good and the bad.

Through joys and sorrows.

Through your pains and joys.

Through your weariness and good days.

I'll love you for eternity, and when eternity ends, I shall love you some more

When you can't go on, rest on me

When it feels like you can't face the world, rest in my arms

When you feel like running away from the world, I'll follow you and we can make a home together there too

Home is where you are

And I'll be your home too

I'll be there, I'll be yours, anything you need.

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taes-kookie-blog · 7 months ago

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ENHYPEN AS MYSTIC MESSENGER

my worlds colliding....

SUNGHOON - JUMIN

HEESEUNG - ZEN

SUNOO - YOOSUNG

JAY - V

JAKE - 707

JUNGWON - RAY (NOT saeran)

NIKI - mix of 707 and zen

please send requests for imagines etc~

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distinguisheddingus · 1 year ago

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Since I started playing Mystic Messenger again I feel very inspired... So I had a this idea for a story with High School AU/Soulmate AU.

I thought about a story where MC goes to the same high school as the RFA members. She is a normal girl, with a quiet life, until one day she ends up accidentally touching one of the boys (I'm undecided between Zen and Jumin) and strange memories are awakened in her, like deja vous about her and the boy, about their life together in many possible scenarios. And from that moment her life changes forever. The memories become clearer and clearer and somehow she connects the dots and remembers everything about their life together. Every time MC and the boy meet, they fall in love and live a happy life until... he accidentally dies and everything starts all over again. And so MC understands that his mission is to save her soulmate life, at any cost.

#mystic messenger jumin #mystic messenger zen #mystic messenger #mystic messenger au #mystic messenger imagine #jumin han x reader #jumin han imagine #jumin han #zen x reader #hyun ryu x reader #hyun ryu #mysmes #mysme zen #mysme jumin

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mikoyamisheadcanonblog · 4 months ago

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707 (Lucial/Saeyoung Choi) Relationship (1)

❤️Who Wakes up first in the morning: ❤️ He probably does, he doesn’t get a lot of sleep and such always working and having to wake up early and start coding and trying to hack on the computer but with his S/O sharing the bed and such and won’t leave while his S/O sleeps as he watches them sleep and just in bliss that he finally have someone that does love him and he wants to soak up every minute of being around them.

❤️Who’s the first to fall asleep at night:❤️ Probably his S/O he will stay awake and finish the work he needs to do while they lay in the bed next to him while they share small conversations about the day or the RFA member. He will tell his S/O to sleep as he hears them yawn and such and that he is almost done before crawling into bed with them and such if they keep pushing him.

❤️What they playfully tease each other over: ❤️ Anything, everything. He loves to dress as a woman and act as his S/O’s best friend just to see people’s reactions. Or he and his S/O trying to steal Elly together. Or even makes exaggerated stories about his missions and adventures anything to get his S/O to laugh as he enjoys their laughter. His S/O can tease him about his cars and other stuff as he will laugh along with them.

❤️What they do when the other’s having a bad day:❤️ He will do everything in his power to make sure his S/O is having a better day. He will make jokes with them, and steal Elly so they can pet her till they feel better, that is until Jumin comes in and steals her back. Get the RFA involved and throw a small party for them. He will even pay for a trip, and go in one of his cars, an excuse to get out of work and such he wants his S/O happy and telling jokes with them. He will just want his S/O there for him when he is having a bad day, a plan to kidnap Elly and such and just enjoying one another with Honey Buddha Chips and just talking about life and jokes just knowing he has someone with them.

❤️How they say ‘I’m sorry after arguments: ❤️ He will apologize give him some time. He lost his cool, his S/O was put in danger or something and he in the end yelled at them but after a minute he will realize his mistake and such and apologize after he cooled off. It is a simple apology with some of their favorite snacks and drinks. He will accept any apology his S/O gives him of course his favorite snacks and drinks are bonus for him as he wraps his arms around their waist and finds comfort just being with them.

❤️Which one’s more ticklish:❤️ His S/O he will take advantage of it be warned. He does have a few ticklish spot under his arm and inside his elbow. He will start a tickle fight after poking his S/O and seeing them jump.

❤️Their favorite rainy day activities:❤️ Anything and everything his S/O wants to do. If they want to sit inside and play video games. He would do that, if they want to watch movies all day he is fine with that. Going out for a feast and eating he will do that. Watching the Rain fall, he will be fine with anything as long as he is with his S/O he is happy and enjoying their time together. On warm days he likes taking his S/O on a little spin with his cars.

❤️How they surprise each other:❤️ Buying a new outfit he thinks would look good in them, their favorite video game or book that just came out. Or small little treats that he wants to try with them. Heck he will even surprise his S/O with Elly and such and play with her till Jumin comes. Or throw a small surprise party with his S/O. He is harder to surprise and such and a simple gesture as surprises hugs or kisses would leave him more baffled and such.

❤️Their most sickening show of public affection:❤️ He isn’t afraid to display his love for his S/O of course in moderation. Simple hand holding or pet names is enough to get his heart fluttering and sharing secret kisses behind the members back of course isn’t ashamed of it and teasing the RFA who are staring.

#707 imagine #707 headcanons #707 #mystic messenger 707 #mm 707 #mysme 707 #707 x reader #707 x mc #707 x you #saeyoung headcanons #saeyoung imagine #saeyoung choi #Saeyoung Choi imagine #Saeyoung Choi headcaon #Saeyoung Choi x reader #Saeyoung Choi x you #Lucial x you #Lucial x reader

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ridingtorohan · 1 year ago

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Content: References to Rika and V's relationship and their dynamic as well as Another Story spoilers. AU: Another Story (V's Route). Cross-links: ao3 A/n: Written in 2018. Never edited. This was an abstract psychological study. So it reads a little differently.

Rika doesn't know what to consider you as - a bug to be trampled on or someone to be saved. In the blinding, purifying light, there are answers - and there are secrets better left buried.

‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎‎‏LAMENTATIONS IN THE ‎‏‏‎THRONE ROOM ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎───※ ·❆· ※───

The slivers of moonlight on the floor marred the smooth expanse. They were like little rivers of pale light, fogged and distant. The haze to it looked otherworldly.

It was no secret that she liked to bathe in the light of the moon, the sun long eclipsed below the line of the horizon. For all her praise of the sun and its powers, she was by default, a child of the night. She has never understood everyone’s affinity for the daylight hours, for when the dawn crept in and smothered everything in its heat.

There was always a false sense of security there - the pale hours of the morning fledged hope and blind innocence. A cloudless sky often promised a fruitful future, did it not? People can get sunburned however, though, they can swelter and die beneath the heat of the star. The moon was incapable of its own light and relied on the sun to shine. She needed V as much as she needed the dark eternal cloak of the shadows.

The daylight hours did little to hide the truth - even though things lurked in the dark when the light is at its thinnest, it would be easy to hide and dispose of the truth and the frightening reality of insecurity that cannot be hidden from prying eyes. All her flaws and faults were visible then and it was all she could do to hide away from it all.

Was she the only one who felt this way? Had she been the only one dealt the cruel hand of fate, who had to listen to her parents scream and cry? To be taunted and belittled by her classmates? To be shoved into closets, to hide away from the pain, from the light that did little to hide her bruises or her tears? Rika had grown in that small little room of hers, where the only company was the curls of pure childish fear and anguish that pulsed through her. No one had come for her, not even the teachers who did little to shield her. Not her own aunt who had simply shaken her head at her mother. Everyone had tried to pry her from her closet, her own safe place, and she had kicked and screamed all the way. Even V had bound her wrists and dragged her from it.

There’s a sound then, a scuffle that dissipated her thoughts harshly. She mistook it for the sound from her dream of the pullstring light overhead. Instead, she blinked and the walls in her mind faded. She was instead left with the broad walls of the throne room, bright and colourful with cloths of ruby and gold that spilled onto the floor above her chair like waterfalls. The air was still aside from the sounds of her own breathing. Her blood thrummed like molten fire, hot and harsh against her arteries.

The sound echoed again and - there - her gaze focused on you. You who sat so plainly in the corner there. A dimmed light danced across the underside of your jaw, shadows long and dark through your hair and over your shoulders. The majority of candles in the room had since sputtered out and the darkness blanketed the air. She stared without comprehension and your foot moved, a slow bob to your head before you stiffened and straightened then relaxed and folded unto yourself.

Rika unfolded her fingers, the joints numb and her skin shivered without her taking notice of the cold. She called your name then but you could only nod plainly without response. Her exhale felt like an expulsion of steam from her blood-boiled body but nothing sickly came up, not even when she moved with the grace of a sputtering fire. Strands of light cut across her skin, soothing and calm against her. Her only real ally, even now. She strode across the room, her footfalls baffled by the end threads of her coat. The glow of the light as it fell across everything that she knew to be true - it was up to her to intercept and divine the sordid lies from it.

She stepped up to you, a sleeping person who barely stirred at her approach, even when she had called your name again. Her savior’s clothes are heavy atop her dress as if it might smother her. Rika stood there, aware that you had likely not moved since your arrival to the throne room hours ago. The honesty of the matter settled thickly into her bones.

You were a bug beneath her, the one with enough sentience to cower and shield itself from her when she approached. The one who was disgusting to even regard, with a flimsy shell of protection and naive eyes that dared to stare back when she graced them with a look. Ray had chosen you - he had become a moth to your inner light - the same light that threatened to snuff him out and choke her. You were feral with your sincerity and kindness but reckless towards yourself. Rika’s fingers clenched at the hem of her coat and the anger misdirected towards you festered.

Rika knew of your insignificance here, knew how little you mattered outside your title of Special Missionary. You were born to be weak, to be stepped on by the stronger as they climbed up the ladder to infinity. You were meant to be crushed underfoot, to be shoved aside and slotted away like a dusty unused toy after you broke. You weren’t meant to be loved, you were meant to be molded.

Just like she had been.

Rika unfisted her hands and the fabric fell loose, untucked past the palms and just long enough to cradle her fingers. Some part of her hated you so strongly that it reared its ugly head at the pit of her stomach to the point that her gut felt unsettled at the mere sight of you. It fumbled and churned, messy and fluid and hard to contain. This wasn’t her, this directionless anger, but the more she saw you trot down the halls with Ray at your heels, the easier she could pinpoint it.

She hated how easily she had been tossed away, so carelessly. She had wanted a Paradise where nobody would be hurt, where peace would be forced to compensate for the damnable silence that had traumatized her youth. Mint Eye was forced to understand each other because it wouldn’t happen otherwise, not in the world in which everyone lived. Nobody had understood her, nobody had even tried. Everybody only saw the surface and if your scars weren't there they simply didn’t exist.

V had smothered her, had tried to pull her from her zone of comfort and forced her into the light. Even after she had escaped her closet in her youth, she had built a new one every time she needed to. Rika would close her eyes and it was there, her only comfort and friend when everyone’s words and hands had made her bleed. It had been full of the only comforts she had known and V had shattered it all. Then he had killed her in ever sense of the word except the action when he had spun the story of her death.

Her friends, the RFA - he had closed the door between them and her and taken the doorknob with him. It was all she could do to bulldoze it down and try to pull them through. Ray had been there - but he had obeyed her every word. He was still worlds away, still mentally chained to the house that his brother and mother had left him in. Rika tried - she tried to teach him how to break himself free, had attempted it herself and yet ... He was too far away ...

Not everybody could be saved but she yearned to try. She would save everyone that she could - just because she had never been saved did not mean that they couldn’t be. Did you want to be? Ray had said you had devoted yourself to RFA, but the messages that she had glimpsed on the phone for him ... she couldn’t be certain. Whether it had been Ray or someone else who you held dear, even now. V could have skewed your view, seduced you to his overwhelming light. Rika had been hardened by her youth, though, had been subjected to wounds and barely escaped with her life. What fate would befall you?

You, who looked so much like a child in this moment? So finitely small, minuscule beneath her full height, shoulders hunched together and knees folded to your chest. The slow, steady sound of your exhales without lapse. A defenseless child, already filled with so much trust towards her because why else would you sleep so tranquilly in her presence otherwise? Why else would you have sought her out time and time again and make the conscious choice to tuck yourself against the wall while she tended to the questions and faults of her believers?

You had rarely interfered with Rika’s work, barely pressed her with childish or idiotic questions. The answers you sought were given - not just because you had asked but because there had been genuine curiosity there. That alone had smoothed the edges of the hammer-blows behind each word you uttered. You are by no means docile, but neither are you reckless.

Perhaps the reason why Rika had hated you so was not because you had replaced her, but perhaps you were the echo of her youth, the child who had found solace in the closet after she had been condemned to it. There has always been pain in that knowledge, that the haven that she so readily believed to be her haven had been her prison for so long. That it still trapped her, even now. Had V even pulled her out? Or had she pulled him in and shunned him for the flashlight he brought to scope his way through the darkness?

Had you simply hidden yourself away, away from the truths and the hardships of the world like she had done? Is that why you took Ray’s hand and blindly trusted him, trusted his innocence? Was any comfort better than none, from a complete stranger? Is that why you stayed? Or had she forced it upon you, forced that trust and companionship through bribery and falsehoods? Had she only pressed her hands through the cracks and dragged you into her own room of darkness, shielded from everyone else? Did she simply only see what she wanted to?

Her outer robe fell easily away from her body, slid from the phantom bruises that had faded long ago. The aches from her past never went away and had burned and blemished her. It was back when she had foolishly followed those who should have known better. How stupid of her to believe that those people would have saved her.

She would save you, though. That was her full intention, and as her saviour’s clothes fell across you, a shield — a closet door — against the world, she knew she could very well die trying.

Rika’s back slid against the wall beside you, her fingernails clipped against the screen of your cellphone as she set it away from you, safe from any potential of flailed limbs. She knew little of your history, but it was enough for her to see the truth even within the dark: that you could be saved, that redemption could be brought to any and all within the RFA. In the meantime, though ...

Her eyes slid towards the meek and unassuming lines of silver in the middle of the room as it danced upon the floorboards. Her eyes closed and her hand settled along your wrist, fingers tangled along your pulse. For a moment, she was a child alongside you, at war with the world. Her mind’s walls crept back in and she is seven, dress tangled with her ankles and tears wet in her eyes but dry on her cheeks. In her mind, she was not alone this time.

Yes, in the meantime, she would figure out whose room the two of you were in - because now you sat curled up with her in her closet - whose safe haven built from lies and suffering and self-shielding. Was it her closet, both broken and patched and made of quilted lines of puzzle piece dreams? Or yours, completely separate and foreign to her touch, to her mind and to her questions? She was the Saviour, the Keeper of Truths. She could not answer the question of who was in the attempt of saving whom, but she supposed that when the answer came, it would suffice for the other question as well - of whose room she imagined now for comfort. Wherever they chose to shield themselves from, wherever they found solace — the sliver of light that slid through the crack of the door ... was that the door as it closed upon them, or had it been the moment she had started to push it open?

#mysme x reader #rika x reader #rika kim #mystic messenger #mysme #mysme rika #reader insert #mystic messenger imagine #ooc: // this one............ I don't like this one #ooc: // rereading this was ..... odd #ooc: // but #ooc: // y'know I was once proud of this so maybe others will find joy in this #gender neutral reader

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