#My past isn't easy
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crowley
#fem presenting crowley you're everything to me#as you might know I've been recovering from an injury these past few weeks which is why I couldn't draw as much as usual#been doing a bit better so I wanted to give drawing a try again#while my arm isn't back to normal yet it feels a LOT better than 2 weeks ago#which is a good sign#still gonan take things easy of course#good omens#good omens fanart#crowley#fem crowley#why was one of teh suggestions for that tag fem crocodile#I'll have to look that up#david tennant#crowley fanart#aziracrow#aziracrow fanart#my art#fanart#my good omens art#good omens 2
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I don't know how to phrase this any better, but I seriously think that Léa needs to get a lawyer or legal advisor and step away from Twitter for a moment. I get that she feels a moral obligation to provide fans and former fans with a constant flow of all the information that she has available (which is an important thing, and she has been the main source of inside information since this all happened), and I know that she likely cannot pay for a lawyer herself on account of the fact that this whole issue arose because she (alongside others) were not getting paid.
However, regardless of whether or not leaking Quackity's personal information was a purely human mistake rendered lesser on account of the labor laws broken by him and his studio (in her own tweets, as her own argument), it should not have happened. Bottom line is that she rushed to provide the internet with information about the situation, and she made her argument, her voice, and her credibility lesser as a result of that.
Not only did she do what could be argued as a crime in more than one nation (though I am a bit iffy here; I am not a law graduate or student of any sort), but she directly harmed Quackity, and possibly his family, who had no part in this situation.
Her need to get information out as quickly as she can as the inside force led to this massive mistake, and no matter how you want to frame it (because it is still a mistake), it really should not have happened. It harmed both Léa and Quackity (though I would stand to argue one more than the other), and it could have been avoided if there was someone else working behind the scenes, or if Léa had simply checked the screenshot over a few times before posting it.
I'm not certain how to end this post, but I've thought this for a long time. This is a legal situation in which she is one of the primary witnesses. With such a large part of this playing out on Twitter, in a borderline trial of public appeal (not sure how much better I can phrase this, because such a massive part is involving the opinion of fans) she needs to understand how important and influential her words are, and how catastrophic it can be to both her cause and Quackity's if she messes up.
#if anything is based off a fundamental misunderstanding of this situation: I am sorry#but this is my understanding of this situation and I cannot get past it#regardless of the fact that the information leak was a mistake that people only ran with to dox Q's personal information#it should not have happened#because mistakes are just that: mistakes; but they can be avoided#that's half the point#and I genuinely think she needs to get a legal advisor#I know it isn't easy but reaching out to the Union or the public in general should be done if she can't by herself#because this kind of thing degrades her credibility and reliability even when it is not on purpose#qadmin situation#qsmp admin situation#admingate#quackity#qsmp
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#the wayhaven chronicles#n sewell#nate sewell#nate x detective#twc book 3 spoilers#I personally prefered the combat training scene#because of the dialogues#even if the setting in the research scene was more romantic#I have mixed feelings about this book though#I'm glad to learn new things about N's past and his insecurities#but gods I wish we had the opportunity to comfort him and to talk about the fight issue#I really enjoyed the first half of the book then to me the second kind of feels like... rushed ? idk#on the other hand I like how the romance isn't going to be a smooth and easy road#I've also read M's route and oh boi the feelings... !!#Next is A then F because I will probably need some fluff after A ^^;;#But nope no LT's route I'm a coward#my art#no full colors sorry no time ><
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almost all the badboyhalos i drew last year + one i never actually posted ! the character i have drawn the most of Ever. especially when you consider . this:
youtube
#there's ~125 frames in the animatic and even though bbh isn't in every frame he does appear multiple times in some of them#there were points i copy-pasted him from frame to frame but i think its safe to say i drew him 80+ times for that thang#again im. not usually the sort of person to draw a character over and over again okay but his design is just so EASY and FUN#badboyhalo#art recap#yknow my style is WAy more consistent than i thought it was#i have GOT to get weirder#and also play around with brighter colour schemes LMAO#shape draws
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im never quite good at dealing with people venting to me because my automatic response is to offer them a solution, and i get frustrated if they continue to vent without taking the solution, especially if it's a simple solution. i am aware that everyone has issues and that things are difficult but sometimes i see my friends and i just get so. envious and annoyed because they can just sit there and whine without even doing anything. which is a cruel thing to think because they do have legitimate issues but every time they're talking im just always thinking in the back of my head just do the fucking thing. Just do it. It doesn't Matter if X and Y are affecting you just fucking do it you have to do it you can't just sit on your ass and not do it. and i don't want to say that to my friends because it is mean and not nice and they have real legitimate issues and i completely understand where they're coming from and why they're struggling but my internal dialogue is a constant manta of "didnt ask didn't care stop being a little bitch and get over yourself and do it" because that's what i have to tell myself to get anything done
#i have a lot of emotions and thoughts and a lot of them are negative#idk. something something American ideology smthn smthn pull yourself up by your bootstraps smthn invidiualism#i get so jealous sometimes because you just get to sit around and do nothing and throw a pity party and I didn't get that#i didn't get to sit around and do nothing why do YOU#And I know that's a bad thibg to think and that both of us should have been able to rest#But oh does it make me ache#idk. I'm a problem solver. my response is usually How Can I Fix This and not Oh Its Hopeless Time To Cry#like if it is hopeless I know I tried all my options and there is nothing I can do#but with some people it feels like they throw their hands up and quit the second there's an issue and don't even try to bother solving it#and i know im also a hypocrite because sometimes I don't take the easy answers but that doesn't stop me from getting annoyed!!!!!#I get so irritated so quickly!!! Aughhhh!!!!!#I'm just tired rn#ive had multiple people have multiple problems come to me over the past few days and I don't mind helping them out at all#but sometimes it feels like they're just wallowing in their own misery and not actually doing anything#which I Know isn't True!!! But part of me still feels that way!!!#i usually don't vent about shit like this because I don't want people seeing my bad thoughts and thinking I secretly hate them#but ough. Oughhhh#tiny child me screaming that it's not FAIR because I DIDNT GET THAT. Why do YOU GET THAT WHY DIDNT I#unfortunately.#lilac post#vent#im probably gonna delete this because there's some people I talk to who I'm worried will see this and think im like.#secretly vague posting about them whicb like no
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Well I can finally post these now!!!!!!!! Even though Awakening was my first FE, and ofc I liked Chrom a lot, I never really thought too deeply about the Ylisse siblings... I spent some time replaying Awakening, going through supports, and drew up some character sketches!
Also these sketches in particular have some funny lore to them, that day I was off my meds and fighting for my life and only got. These four things. The entire day. The more detailed notes on the same page came after having them again, what a fucking difference it makes 😅🧍
Fave doodle from it tbh world's most normal girl 😇
#fire emblem#i did end up changing rhe earrings last minute but i still think it was a neat idea 👍#i got lissa down like. immediately. easy LMFAOO#i was so scared of chrom. bc in the past when i HAVE drawn him it has NEVER looked like chrom#but as it turns out!! it was just a skill issue. i have now unlocked the ability to chrom (untwinkify that man!!! give him a nose!!!!!)#my art utilizes SO much shape language it's like. 90% just that. so it takes a lot to adapt certain charas sometimes!!!!#which isn't to say shape language is never present in the source material! but esp translating a more classic anime style#into my sorta cartoony style. it can take a lot to figure it all out LMFAOOO#i gotta get ready to leave so i'll come back later 👍 but wanna post these now!#chrom#fe lissa#emmeryn#my art
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If you've ever struggled with suicidal ideation, this has likely been a particularly difficult week. It certainly has been for me. I've lost a lot of trust in a lot of people. I hope this post doesn't make anyone lose trust in me.
You need to live. That means you, the person reading this post. I don't know your name or your situation but I know, with the same certainty that I know that the Earth is turning, that you need to live.
I know that it can be hard, crushingly hard. I know what it's like to feel so empty that getting out of bed seems impossible, or so overwhelmed that drastic action seems like the only way out.
It isn't. Death is not the answer. It sure as fuck isn't praxis. Please, please do not let anyone convince you otherwise. If you think that your death will have a net positive effect on the world, I promise you, as someone who has been there before, it won't.
And while I encourage you to do what you can to try and make the world a better place - donate to charity, pick up litter, volunteer your time, write your representatives, et cetera - I want to make it clear that those aren't requirements you need to meet to justify being alive. Your life has value, inherently.
Today things may be terrible. They may stay terrible for a while. But one day, a song will get stuck in your head that makes you feel something again. You'll meet a dog that loves you unconditionally. You'll eat a meal that tastes like it was cooked by an angel. You'll pick up a new hobby, perhaps without even realizing it, and it will bring you some sense of satisfaction. You'll watch a beautiful movie. You'll walk past a beautiful mural. Someone will compliment your outfit, someone will laugh at your joke, someone will tell you they're happy to spend time with you. One day you will wake up early enough to see the sun rise.
It's a cliche to say "it will get better". That's because it's true. It probably won't be a linear upward trend, rarely do things stay better forever, but there will come a time when you'll be glad you stayed alive. I promise.
#cw suicide#and uh. it's been a while since i last posted. i feel like i owe y'all a Life Update#so much has changed in my life - for better and worse - over the past two years#i have a degree and a (freelance) job and new friends. i have been through extreme stress and been taken advantage of because of it#there are a lot of things in my personal life that i wish were better. lowest points are not easy to recover from.#but at the end of the day i think it's a good thing that i'm still alive.#sidenote: this isn't the grand return of this blog or whatever. i haven't been keeping up with watcher content since early 2022#i still love the boys it's just been a wild ride out here in meatspace#i hope to make a proper return to the fandom someday. right now a certain hat simulator has an iron grip on my brain#it's funny how a game i was barely familiar with just half a year ago has ended up helping me deal with extreme stress.#the very specific type of joy it brings me is not something i ever saw coming. i am so glad i'm here to feel it now.
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It’s done!
The directory of all the various DC related books (that I own) has been completed!
Not all of the scans are mine, when other people have shared for the main series and spinoffs over the years, but a very solid chunk are my scans of all the ‘unimportant’ material. (If other people had good scans, I opted to save my own time, even if I could scan my own copies, basically.) And now it’s all fairly organized in one easy access list!
Includes: Conan, Kaito, Yaiba, the novels, movie manga, educational manga, activity books, tokubestuhen, archives, game guides, etc.
Now that it’s caught up, I’ll try to keep it up to date when I get more books in the future.
#detective conan#magic kaito#dcmk#reference#The pinned post has been updated as well; to encourage using the list first; though the drive in general is still an option#If anything is wrong with scans; just let me know#Page missing or messed up scan is an easy fix#Though also let me know if like. A file isn't there at all#I direct to other people's folders when it seemed fitting; but that means I don't know if they disappear at some point#They've been around a while but it's always a slight concern#Even if scans aren't mine; I do own anything on this list. I've saved stuff a few times over#Later tag: I've beein going back through the folders and. Will probably make changes#Eventually#Most things need the covers scanned; and that's fine to have skipped and more for conformity#But I apparently just scanned the manga part of science books which#Fair to my past self because the informational sections are the least cared about#But I would like to actually have everything#...But I'm taking a break after a solid two weeks of scanning so#Just a list for now
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i can't help but feel that based on the da capo lore so far, mr candleman bf might not make it out....
#orpheus and alice has WAAAAYYY too thick of a plot armour right now and they're literally SIBLINGS come on#there's too much flashbacks and context around them so it can only mean they're telling us to focus on them#besides. orpheus has already “made it out” from the last manor game 😭 he's got experience from the past... unless his memories were purged#i have no idea what's going on with Frederick but methinks he dies first#norton and melly put up a good fight. a fight so well that they were already foreshadowed to be hunters#(yeah i realized after looking at old cutscenes - norton was already hinted to have a hunter counterpart but he looked more gnarly ...)#melly is DEFINITELY going to have a hunter counterpart and its sure to come out as aom updates#and the way orpheus fought norton... yeah. as much as i hate to believe it i don't think he made it out that fist fight.... (#(I GOTTA LOWER MY STANDARDS SO THAT I WON'T BREAK MY OWN HEART)#i can say however that norton probably outlived melly and frederick.... mayhaps. he's physically strong. confirmed in his passive skill#I SHOULDN'T THINK ALL IS FINE AND DANDY. THIS ISN'T EASY. NAIB DIEE IIRC SNIFFSBIFFDF WAAA#da capo tag#~ rambling
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Hey there tumblr, I've missed you. How's it going?
#this past month has been so demanding (still is) and I'm physically and mentally drained of energy more often than not#and I haven't written in so long#but you know what? I'm okay#it hasn't been easy but I'm surviving#and right now life isn't too heck#I'm pushing myself out there more and I'm seeing my friends as often as I can while still prioritizing my own health#and I'm finally starting to feel excited about my own WIPs again!#the spark to write has been out for a little while and I haven't been able to drudge up the interest until now#so hopefully that means good things for the near future!#plus I've missed talking to my online writing buddies and I wanna see how y'all are doing!!#my life hasn't gotten any less busy but I'm gonna try my best to hang out every once in a while#anyway love y'all#rambling in the reblogs as usual oops sorry#life update kinda#ella thinks
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drawing for a scene in the TME light novel (specifically, Paris helping out Lyla!!).
I drew this scene immediately after I read it because oh my god of all the things I was expecting from Paris's first introduction, him lending a (unneeded) helping hand to Lyla was NOT what i thought his first introduction would be like
#ik the anatomy for Tyrone is kind of fucked up but drawing this exact pose like what I saw in my mind is hard TwT#TME LN#the mighty extra#Lyla de Belliana#Tyrone de Belliana#Paris Valerian#i had to reread this scene like 3 times but hoo boi do i ADORE the way Paris appears in the background#i have a feeling im going to adore the light novel version of him lmao#so far he reads as being a trickster and i LOVE tricksters#not that he isn't technically a trickster in the manhwa canon but based on the tiny context in the LN he's mischievous af#i haven't read past this part yet but im wondering if Paris helped Lyla because of Fian#or if he helped Lyla because of Helene#because i can see him helping out Lyla due to knowing she's important to Helene#and there's a possibility he's already met Helene and is allied with her#or he's acting on behalf of Fian#which makes less sense in the context of the light novel than in the manhwa bc there's literally no suggestion Paris would know that Lyla i#Fian's “fairy” and therefore he has no reason to help her#so im putting my bet on him helping out Lyla either due to a promise with Helene or because he wants to get on Helene's good side#(and ngl i kind of hope for the latter)#(tho this scene alone made my brain go “okay but what if Paris adopted Lyla as his little sis in law”#because#you know#he resembles IRL!Lyla a lot and i think it's easy to mistake them as siblings if you put em side by side#which would be funny if that's intentional but i do not think so)#also on a non-Paris related note Tyrone gets an interaction with Helene in the light novel and i actually enjoyed it#the manhwa ignores the fact these two are fully blood-related but seeing Tyrone be scolded by Helene really gave them the feel of being sib#and i like how there's a little more depth to him in the LN than in the manhwa#like how he's trying to study the laws and being a political diplomat#i still like him the least of the named Belliana siblings but he's a little less one-note here and im enjoying that lmao
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i would love to do a really long essay about food conspiracies and fatphobia
#the conspiracies are so easy to arrive at because those engaging in the conspiracy don't accept that the burden of proof is on them#see that one tiktok where someone was like 'i was told i was gluten intolerant in the usa and when i got to europe and tried bread there...#... my 'gluten intolerance' disappeared 🙄 because of pesticides and chemicals in the usa'#when the answer is just that europe has different wheat#ultimately this is pretty innocuous but the 'they're trying to make us fat I Mean Unhealthy' narrative#is so fucking rampant and just serves to give social media users righteous anger against something that isn't a real problem.#while at the same time the us government and corporations are actually doing way worse shit?#we're getting concrete evidence of the extreme price gouging that chains have been engaging in for the past 4 or 5 years#but user1294042569 is pissed because there's gmos in lunchables#same narrative as 'ooohgsbfghh usa portion sizes are so BIG' yes because of the great depression.#like literally its just that more food for less money is seen as more desirable especially when money is tight#and it became seen as a distinctly usamerican thing as the usa was building its own image and trying to prosper after the great depression#finally every one of these narratives has an undercurrent of 'this is why people are sooo fat'#usually from people who don't know what the main cause of fatness is (fucking genetics)#and actively fear fatness because of. idk theres a multi billion dollar diet industry that i remember seeing ads for in kindergarten#please let me make this video essay aughhhh#< i dont need permission i just need motivation which is not happening any time ever
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Nothing will make you feel like more of an absolute failure of a human being than not being able to get technology to work right
#I've been fighting my printer for the past three hours to print right#and after all that not only did i realize it's maybe that the off-brand ink just isn't playing nice#i discovered that all the photos I've been editing in Lightroom haven't been saving right or...something???? and they just won't print righ#and i don't know how to fix it and every single search online is bringing up answers from people who do not understand#that if you're asking for help with it you aren't going to understand it if you immediately start talking in settings#and everything else is FUCKING videos#i bought a SUPER nice SUPER expensive printer (for me) and I JUST WANT IT TO FUCKING PRINT NICE PHOTOS#it doesn't help that i was feeling really shitty and down about everything i make/am today#and I wanted to refill my printer/print some art as an easy win and a 'look! look at all the beautiful stuff you've made! don't be down!'#and seeing everything come out fuzzy and desaturated and muddy was like#the opposite of the visual representation of my achievements that i needed
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I know everyone hates The Power of Positive Thinking on this webbed site bc it's so often used to dismiss serious structural or societal issues but tbh I wonder if it's a branding issue. Will enjoying the spring breeze or thinking about things you like about yourself fix your entire life? No, probably not.
But what do you think a commitment to negativity is doing for you? Do you really think it's helping? After a certain point, constantly and aggressively acknowledging the negativity serves no purpose, especially in your own mind. If you already know you're miserable, why does it require so much enforcing? Why not try something else and see what happens?
Why not let yourself enjoy what you can?
#I have worried a lot in my life that I'm not enjoying things enough as I did them and that must mean I was incapable of True Happiness#turns out it's easier to notice unhappiness etc bc I put a name to it#'I don't enjoy this. I hate this. I'm uncomfortable. I'm in pain'#never did that for positive things and now I try to#just saying 'this is nice' when things are nice makes that feeling surge#it's so easy to feel like negativity is more realistic but it isn't and I was obliterating my ability to enjoy things by not giving them th#same fanfare as I did when I was unhappy#turns out i gotta speak its name and it shall appear#and stop constantly thinking about everything wrong with me. turns out that makes you unhappy#I already know my issues no need to beat the dead horse. I'm working on them and that has to be enough#cassidy.txt#I have to write these things or I'll forget forever#but the past week has been really nice bc I let myself call it nice#anyways let's call it the skeleton blast of negativity that you should avoid. will that help.
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Me: has my sixth sudden crying spell of the week
Also me: "yeah but I'm probably not ACTUALLY depressed"
#gonna be honest boys. I have been feeling like dogshit#started with me having a good ol' existential spiral at 4 am a week ago and now I don't even know what's bothering me#and then there's all of the bad stuff going on making me anxious for myself and everybody on top of everything#all the abhorrent transphobia has been making me feel worried for the future#(as if the passing of time doesn't already horribly scare me but I digress)#idk man. I already feel like I'm unequipped for the future because I've realized I never thought I'd still be alive right now#majority of my childhood was filled with adults preaching at me to think about where I'd be going in the afterlife so I did just that#that plus they were the type to believe that the rapture is soon cause “the signs are all coming true”#so I always thought that either that would happen or I'd die before now#well. I'm still here and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing.#and I'm lonely. really fucking lonely and I'm going mad cause of it#never had actual friends besides the kids I was with at my old private school. now they're all raging conservatives who mock minorities#I was able to get away but moving on isn't as easy as I hoped#it'd be so much easier to betray all my beliefs and act ignorant again so I can have my friends back#but of course I can't do that. I can't throw out who I am and all of the wonderful people I know who would be “sinful” in their eyes#idk man. I think I've finally reached the breakdown I've been feeling coming for the past two years#fuck. sorry for this trauma dump of a post. I've just felt numb for months and now everything's catching up to me#needed to yell about it I guess#vent#phoenix prattles
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throws a book at the wall i'm SO fucking tired of putting emotional effort into relationships only for it not to be reciprocated
#trying so fucking hard not to resent someone i really like rn.#they're going through a hard time and obvi i'm glad they feel comfortable coming to me for support.#but also... :( to have that be the only thing we really talk ab anymore...#miss them i guess. wanna talk like we used to.#nd to send support and an expression of how i rlly empathize bc i'm going through smth similar and get no response...#idk. sadbad. working on not letting those feelings fester#i just cannot be therapistfriend. i am Not therapist friend in most situations!!!#the problem is that i am a very good listener but not super approachable in that way to most people?#so i end up with one or two people with really big constant problems every year or so who put All of that onto me.#and i try SO fucking hard in my relationships with people i care about.#and that's SO much energy and emotional investment into their problems and it just isn't sustainable.#especially when i'm not getting it in return.#idk i probably just need to tell them what i'm feeling about. open and honest communication ftw#i'm sure they'll get it if i say 'i've had a lot of relationships in the past that devolved into me being the vessel for people's issues...#...and it's turned into me resenting them over time and i really don't want that to happen with us.'#'just need you to talk w/ me about other things sometimes' y'know?#i'm already drawing a lot of boundaries so that i don't throw myself into comforting and placating and facilitating someone's feelings#which DOES make me a good listener. but i can't be sacrificing myself for that. not rn anyway.#god but also i just want to have a fucking conversation sometimes is that too much to ask#i get that ur having a hard time emotionally but you could at least respond to the easy upbeat messages that i send you#specifically TO facilitate easy upbeat conversation that doesn't require emotional effort from you#or like. initiate conversation Ever when it's not around the negative situation u want to talk to me about. you know.#it's okay. i'll talk to them. just feeling frustrated.#i'm going to get bled fucking dry if i keep putting so much of myself into relationships without receiving anything in return#valentine notes
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