#My lil crab my lil cancer

[athousandmorningss]

the thing I love most about my relationship with lil crab is that we are alwayssss thinking always parsing always reading/listening/ exchanging ideas and perspective. we're engaged in a continuous conversation in which it feels safe to ask questions and to offer a different perspective. it feels challenging and exciting at once.

[midheavenastrology]

✿❁Observations on Venus ♀︎and Mars♂︎ signs ❁✿

🍵Virgo - so Virgo rules the 6th house of health/well being. Virgo is also the perfectionist. Y’all have definite HIGH ass standards (I can relate: I’m a Virgo moon) what I’ve noticed is that strong virgo placements tend to like “fit” peeps, like they admire when you work out or have some kind of work out routine. Oh and plz be clean and smell nice 4 them 🧼🫧🧴😇 also “acts of service” is their Numbero uno love language “ babe I took out the trash 444 u 😏”

🍵Leo: y’all rule the heart ❤️ chakra so it’s really about love for u. Like u care less about looks and more about how much ur heart feels in tune with them. U love romance, but old school romance 💘 like 🍷 wine and dine 🍛🍽️me then call me daddy 😩lol. U usually date someone who’s a lil high maintenance, maybe a bit of a drama queen/king🤴👸iz da royal vibe tho.

🍵Capricorn : It’s def about brains for u 🧠🧐Like u can’t do dum dum babes- it makes u pucker in disdane. U want someone with goals, dreams. Someone who u can stand next 2 and be proud of. Like, this bish is a CEO of their company 🤑damnnnn. U like structure/control. Ur probs a bit of a control freak. 🪢It’s otay, just remember u can only control ur own needs. Truth is u need to feel secure to let ur guard down (probs where the control comes in) just like ur sister sign Cancer 🤗

🍵Aquarius: similar to Virgo, y’all tend to like fit, skinner peeps. You like someone that’s a little off the cuff, whether it’s how they think, dress or have like one lazy eye or some shit. 😎😎😎 the cool underdogs are ur cup of tea 🍵 for shore. U enjoy space in the relationship. Space literally 👽🛸and space between seeing each other..like u can literally go weeks without hangin with the other. My Pisces Venus shudders lol 😂

🍵Cancer: you’re the mother, the nurturer 🌝 so u want someone that is compassionate, sweet 🍰🍭🧁and receptive. You don’t like when someone is 2 aggressive 👿Just like the crab 🦀 u hide in ur shell 🐚 if someone is like “hey bb, let’s fuck” Just like the tides of the moon 🌚 🌝u can be moody so u need someone to be able to hold ur emotions. Be gentle with them. Be patient. The sweetest love 💗

🍵Scorpio: ya’ll naturally attract mystics 🪄🧚‍♂️🧝‍♀️and witchy 🧙‍♀️types. Who’s to say these types are ur ideal tho. Maybe they be, maybe not. U like deep deep divin into the psychological 🔎👩‍🏫underpinnings of ur lover. U want 2 kno every lover they’ve had before u, u just do ok, even if it hurts u. Lol. U like deep, soulful seggs 🫦🤫When u trust, u give endlessly, but when ur betrayed, u get daggers 🗡️ in ur eyes.

🍵Aries: oh gawd, y’all just love the chase 🏃‍♀️🏃🏃‍♂️don’t u ? 🍒 u love it so much that when things settle down, u don’t know what to do with yourself lol. Das why, u love independence, u also like it when the person is direct, but plz let an Aries take the lead lol. U like when the person surprises you 😱🤯😲keeps things fresh 🍑🍆Clingy is the opposite of what u need. But u contradict because ur secretly a BiG baby 👶🏻🍼🤗inside that needs to be coddled lol. Dilemma 🤔

🍵Pisces: it me ! So Venus is exalted in Pisces. It means Venus just LOVES 🥰🥰🥰being in Pisces, it’s the honorary guest y’all. So sweet, so sentimental, so love. Gotta be careful tho, cus u can put peeps on pedestals 🧎‍♀️🛐with dem rose 🌹 colored glasses 🤓 lol. If you’ve ever been loved by a Venus in Pisces, count urself lucky 🍀 AF. They will love u so deeply, cosmically 🔮and without boundaries- the purest love on this earth plane y’all. I cry 🥺🥺🥺

🍵Gemini: I like to call this Venus placement, mind fuckers: u fuck with ur mind 💭💬🗯️All the air placements do honestly. No mind connection, GTFO. I’d say y’all are less sexually aggressive tbh. More flowy (unless u got some srs fire placements, cus fire placements do be smashing all day long) again, like Aquarius, u like space 🛸☄️🚀in ur relationships. Hella flirty 🫦🫦🫦with ur words (most air placements are btw) one thing; if these cats lose interest in u, the number 1 tall tell sign is they stop communicating 🙊🙊🙊as frequently lol

🍵Sagittarius: usually you’re into foreign peeps, because Sag rules the 9th house of foreign places 🌁🌆🌌🚞🧳🚢You like the unknown, so u seek it. Someone who speaks a different language 🗣️than u is such a turn on. Someone who drinks coffee differently from u is such a turn on. Ur less discriminatory when it comes to looks- very open minded 🙌After all, y’all are the explorers of the zodiac. You want to explore ALL the options big, small, in between etc 😏😏😏

🍵Taurus: cus ur ruled by Venus…ngl, u like pretty, u like beauty 💋💄👗. U like when someone is put together and cute. U like good manners and nice smells 👃U like to take it slow and steady, becus they always win 🏆 the race ya kno ? U like sensory feels, like ur probs into some domination in bed yes yes ??? ⛓️🔗U like honesty, consistency and stability. Don’t lie to them…you’ll never be forgiven ever ever ever.

🍵Libra: also ruled by Venus, so u like someone clean, lean and charming. Ur a natural flirt 🫦so u don’t mind if ur other is one too. Keeps things fresh right ? U like someone that says please and thank you. Ur a sucker for a pretty face, but a bigger sucker for a pretty brain. The two combined: big time score 4 u. Y’all really love love 🥰🥰🥰u like bein in love and thinkin about it and romanticizing about it but when ur in it, u just can’t decide - u probs left someone on read a couple times and ghosted ���them cus u felt pressure to decide lol. 🥲

Das all y’all ! Hope this was helpful 🤗🤗🤗

Thanks so much 444 reading and supporting !

Love y’all 🥰🥰🥰🥰

[strmpt]

do you think karkat cries about carcinization? that evolutionarily the crab has the perfect form? despite the fact that he was raised to believe his very existence was a mistake and therefore Wrong? but in the universe he created, crabs are perfect.

but also the duality of cancer (the crab) being the same word as cancer (the disease).

perhaps i’m just projecting my own emotions onto my blorbos again but. pls he is just a lil guy with Feelings

[violetjedisylveon]

Thanks @insertmeaningfulusername!

Im doing this late Halloween so yeah

Name: Violet

Sign: Cancer, im a crab 🦀!

Time: 10:22pm(i dunno what this one means

Last movie: Corpse Bride!

Last show: Hannibal, the one with Mads Michelson, my friend came over today and we watched that

When I created this blog: March 17th, 2021(i have it marked in my calender)

Other blogs: none yet, probably never another one, I kinda wanna make one for my funky lil swamp critter drawings.

Do I get asks/may you ask me something: you can ask me stuff, any stuff(just don't make it weird) but you might be subjected to an info dump so \ (ツ) /

Average hours of sleep: depends on the day, week days is 6-8, weekends is closer to 8

Instruments: I went horse riding instead of doing band practice. School taught me recorder but I threw the thing out ages ago.

What I'm wearing: Grogu themed pj shirt.

Dream job: I just wanna tell stories, play with clay and make people happy with my silly little creations.

@the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond, @the-mountain-flower, @biblically-accurate-crow, @phantom00maverick, @starwarstbbfan, @girlzrok-99, @ whoever else wants to join

[davnittbraes]

ASK GAME???

Ok sure. I don’t usually do these things but I just can’t say no to @shirks-all-responsibilities 🥰

Nickname: I am not, nor have I ever been, cool enough to have a nickname

Sign: I’ve always been partial to the Deer Crossing sign, they look like they’re having fun - jk Cancer though in terms of sea creatures I’m more octopus than crab

Height: 5’10” (no I do not play basketball or rugby, I trip over my own two feet at least twice a day, sure I’ll get that thing down from the top shelf for you)

Last thing you googled: Greta vs Andrew (ICONIC ❤️)

Song stuck in my head: Guns and Ships from Hamilton (FOR THREE DAYS SEND HELP)

Number of followers: haven’t done a porn bot sweep lately so I’ll say probably 80? Hello friends and sexy ladies with vaguely suspicious links in their bios 👋

Amount of sleep: as in last night? This week? My entire life? Doesn’t matter the answer is Never Enough

Dream job: Writing from a lil hobby farm in the middle of nowhere with a couple horsies and some chickies and a garden and a lot of trees and maybe like a babbling brook or something

Wearing: a hoodie and leggings

Movie/book that summarizes you: Chime by Franny Billingsley (I would like to live in this book please and thanks)

Fav song currently: impossible to say, depends on the mood of the minute (NOT Guns and Ships I’m sorry Lin Manuel but I’m now DREAMING this song)

Aesthetic: uhhhh slightly alternative lumberjack? Idk I’m a former emo kid and Canadian so there’s a lot of weird hair colours and flannel involved 

Favourite author: also impossible to say, but my favourite genre of authors is Fanfic

Random fun fact: the excretion from a snail’s foot is so thick it can crawl along the edge of a knife. Thanks Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader.

No pressure tags:

@dontletyourchildrenwatchthis

@yourcoolauntie

@mildlyhopeless

@tionmeh

@leithatnight

[cxhleel108]

LITG S5 MC:

Name: Omari Martin

Age: 25 (During the Season) 26 (Now)

Birthday: June 30, 1997 (Cancer)

Hometown: Born in Durban, South Africa. Raised in Truro, England. Moved to Edinburgh, Scotland for college.

Ethnicity: South African

Job: Photographer

Sexuality: Straight

Height: 163cm/5’4

Hobbies: Drawing, Photography, Painting, Crocheting, Driving

Personality: My girl loves hard ok. If you’re a part of her close circle, you’re guarded for life. The Cancer sign is a crab so everything important to her is staying protected in her shell. That includes her emotions/feelings. Omari is more on the emotional side, but at the same time, she only gets vulnerable with people that she trusts. If she doesn’t trust that you’ll value her feelings as much as she would value yours, she’s only giving away so much of herself. Also, if you screw her over she can forgive you eventually, but she will never forget. “I get in my feelings, I’m sensitive, and I can be hurt just like everybody else but I rarely feel hatred or bitterness towards people who do me dirty. In due time I can let the hurt go, but I know to let the person go as well and break the toxic cycle before it can even manifest.” Art has always been a big part of her life. She’s very imaginative and loves creating her ideas into visual forms. Getting to do photography is basically her dream job. Now when it comes to partying, if her friends are going then she’ll go. If it was up to her how she spent her night, then she’s staying her ass at home. She likes hanging out in a more intimate environment because she feels like you can connect more that way. “My idea of a dream date is so simple. I really do not require a lot when it comes to that. Just me and my partner at home eating sushi or maybe pizza, doing whatever. Bonus points if he likes art too cos then we can draw together or something like that.” Just remember this, she’s def not boring and can turn up when she’s in the mood.

Why She Came On Love Island: Omari was ready to find new love. She felt that she had taken enough time to be with herself after all that happened with her last relationship and the one thing she hates the most is being alone. So, what better way to get over your ex cheating on you than going on an island vacation with several hot men waiting to cuff you?

Who She’s With: We’re just gonna discuss what she got up to after the show because all of them boys from the season literally SUCKED so bad that she ended up getting with nobody <3. Ok, Finn was cool and they did have a lil thing for a bit after the show ended, but they both knew eventually that they wanted different things so they just stayed friends. Other than that life’s been pretty good for our girl. She took her prize money and used it to move back to Truro because there was really no point for her to stay in Edinburgh anymore thanks to Suresh’s cheating ass. She got a lot of good offers for photography work so safe to say she’s been getting a few pretty pounds. A lot of apologies were sent her way once the season was done. Alfie, Dana, Arlo, and Gabi hit Omari up to say sorry for her terrible experience on the show and the part they played in that. She appreciates all of them admitting their faults and is completely fine with having cordial relationships but none of them are gonna be her besties anytime soon. “It’s sad cos I really did view Dana as a good friend and obviously everyone saw how much I fancied Alfie but all of the weird behavior became way too much to ignore and I couldn’t deal with it anymore.” Suresh probably has tried numerous times to apologize again and again but Omari has that man blocked on everything possible because she really wants his chapter of her life CLOSED. Her favorite thing to have happened because of the show though has to be the support she’s gotten. A large portion of the fans were rallying behind her the whole time. #JusticeForOmari was even trending on Twitter at one point. All of the winner girlies from the previous seasons (you’ll meet them soon) sent her sweet messages. Dani from Season 2 and Simone from Season 4 specifically showed her the most love. Dani invited Omari all the way out to LA to come on her channel/podcast so she could say all the things that she couldn’t on the show. “She’s exactly how you’d expect her to be in real life after seeing her on the show. Just super cool and hilarious 24/7. We got to laugh, bond over similar experiences, get serious, talk shit, and then laugh some more hahaha. I’m really grateful to her for that. Also, Bobby makes the best chocolate chip cookies I’ve ever had in my entire life.” Simone invited her out to lunch when she was in the area one day. They had a nice lil spill sesh and Simone even put Omari on to one of her friends who happens to be a certain tall, gentle, cat-owning tattoo artist from Falmouth that we all love. “I was talking about how I wanted to get a really nice and more noticeable tattoo cos I only have a small one on my wrist, so she recommended a close friend of hers who does really good ones and only lives about 25 minutes from me. I could tell by the fact that she started telling me stuff about him that wasn’t relevant to his job and then showed me a picture of a very attractive man that she was trying to set me up haha. But, that’s how Oliver and I met.” So yeah she’s with Oliver now and they’re just living life being like the cutest and most creative couple ever. (I really needed to give her a happy ending cuz…well you already know why)

[are-we-really-doing-this]

‼️About mE‼️ (tagged by @bl33ditout, wasssssssssssup, you got me like always)

Nickname: Tagz (glad I finally came up with one) and my friends call me Bic (like the lighter)

Sign: Yield, lmao. No, I'm a Cancer. Lil crab bastard.

Height: 5'11" (in my chunkiest sneaks)

Last Google Search: JDevil (fr I'm writing a cyberpunk DnD campaign and I needed a muse, catch me spacing out to some Killbot)

Song Stuck In My Head: Uhhhh, GlitchGang (Remix), hands down. When I heard that Hed (P.E.), Crazy Town, and Twiztid did a collab I think I came in my pants. I've listened to it like twice a day for the past week.

Sleep: I probably need some right now, but fuck that. I took a nap today.

Dream Job: Obligatory pro wrestler or rap metal musician pipe dream, but fr I really want to go into child psychology to become a youth councilor. Or a s//ugar b//aby, lmao.

Wearing: Just my whites and some black basketball shorts.

Favorite Song(s): Right now? Literally anything ICP adjacent but I've been getting very into Crazy Town recently. Yes I am the worst person you know. Also really feeling any track off Significant Other rn.

Favorite Instrument: Bass and turntables.

Aesthetic(s): Hoo bitch, I've been waiting for this one. Carcore saved my life. Y2K will never die in my opinion. My own personal brand of post-modern-southern-gothic-redneck-white-trash-whatever. Does the general concept of trashiness count? Well it does now. Old dead memes and image macros are a vibe on their own. Glittery shit. I'm not into rave or scene myself but I think it's hot. And shiny silver plastic electronics. Oh and juggalo shit, but that's pretty much carcore. (this is like my catch all for striking color combinations, oversized clothes, murdered out cars, facepaint, 90s and 00s hip hop and rnb, -core music, sweets, etc.) Plus the generic metalheadisms.

Favorite Author(s): glitchesaintshit and slapfool on Ao3

Favorite Color(s): Neon Green 💚 Electric Blue 💙 Blood Red ❤️

Last Song: Callout by Attila (sorry but I'm going there)

Last Series: Breaking Bad (I finally started it!!)

Random: I miss watching Minecraft letsplays but they all suck now, I don't even know what the fuck an SMP is.

[notbroadwaybound]

Hey! what mythical creature do you think you can take in a fight?

hahah I have a classical studies degree so I know my luck isn't good against much haha.

I would say the crab cancer because it was just a lil crab that hercules kicked up into the sky but I'm also allergic to shellfish so maybe even that would be a herculean effort. I'm such a pacifist i don't know if i could fight anything even if my life depended on it

I think me and medusa would be pals because I know she gets an awful rep when she did nothing wrong. not that I could beat her in a fight if it got to that.

[420sharks]

made some friends at the beach the other day

[athousandmorningss]

& oh, i've learned. that the kinda man i could adore most deeply & earnestly is the kind of man that'll wake up at 6 am on a Saturday to go bird watching down by the river. the kind that pauses awkwardly when two women on the trail ask if we've seen a hawk, and when we say yes!, they run to it & he holds out his binoculars hesitantly, wanting them to see through it too--says "it's better through these." the kinda man that looked at me without hesitation & asked how my parents died. the kinda man that takes my hair into his hands, parts it, awkwardly attempts a pair of pigtails atop my head, says, is this right? have i done it right? the kind of man that spends his Wednesday evenings serving food to unhoused people, but is self-effacing about this, never touts it as a kind of gesture of moral goodness, though it is. the kind of man that has a sweet goofiness to him; who walks with me to the park & from the park & at night & in the morning; sends me podcasts about poetry & the origins of desire; holds me shyly in his arms & then tighter; when he smiles the laugh lines go all the way to the corner of his eyes; opens my legs & kisses me there with such tenderness; looks down at me when he's moving inside of me, our gaze never breaking, his breath on my face, my neck & his hands, his hands--i think now of the first time i closed the space between us to hold them: how it felt, suddenly, like i found i person i might have been looking for my whole life.

[hhjs]

.

[justtra]

Random Theories Pt. 4 🔎

In my Opinion!!! DON'T TAKE IT TO SERIOUSLY!!!

Disclaimer: Just for Fun 🤣

Pisces risings be lost or in Dreamland half of the time Ex: Lil Baby 😂

Also, Pisces risings looks like a fish/dogs or very sad/lost/depressed

Virgo sun men in this generation kinda looks like a girl🤔

Taurus risings men looks so girly & feminine than Libra risings

Libra risings men looks more manly in my opinion!

Can't believe we easily forgive placements in our 10th house!

It's usually role models or entertainers in your whole entire life🔝

BTW do Capricorns have a lazy eye?! Like the goats itself!!! 🐐

Pisces & Libra mercuries can NOT rap but they can sing

After listening to Jack Harlow's first class song 👍 but the rapping 👎

Cancer mars do NOT play about people they care about! 🦀so RUN!!!

Also, Cancer risings looks like a sad dog 🐕or grumpy crabs 🦀😡

Earth risings (Taurus, Virgo & Capricorn) have weird/confusing body structures

Sometimes their neck long/arms long/legs are very skinny or their stomach is long...💀

Water risings (Cancer, Scorpio & Pisces) have baby faces from when they were kids/babies 🐥

The sun signs in my 8th house is the face I'm usually scared of/or I hate them !!!

I find it so wierd I'm really attracted to risings in my 1st, 5th & 9th house not the 7th

Do Gemini risings talk to themselves, you do represent the twins!?

Aquarius risings/Pluto 10th house are so private I usually assume they are..dea-.💀

Fixed signs are very different from others idk if it's their Ascendant or moon sign

Never noticed Scorpio risings have thick eyebrows very close to their eyes

Do earth risings ever critize their body and face!?

Do air risings talk to y'all themselves, I mean we all do!?

Do fire risings love to be in the present & enjoy the moment to the fullest while it's last! 🌞

Do water risings ever think about the past alot, I see a lot of water risings talk about the past in front of me alot to the point I'm bored...💀!?

The people that has a rbf actually are Saturn/Pluto/Mars in 1st house

Also, Scorpio, Capricorn & Aries Risings 😡

I forgot to say water risings men looks like sad dogs/birds/fishs☹️🕊️..😂

I think Nicki Minaj is a Aquarius rising

My bad 😬

Have a Great Gemini Szn! Next Week 😊♊

[here2bbtstrash]

aaaa this looks fun (throwback to myspace surveys lmfao), ty for tagging me @haliiimede babe 💜

name: m (is what i go by on the internet 😘) sign: cancer sun, pisces moon, leo rising ✨ height: just under 5'7, will step on you if you ask nicely 👀 time: this confuses me lol. like right now??? it's 1:27 pm thx birthday: june 29~ favorite band/artist: can you imagine if i didn't say bts lmfao. some other random faves include: mitski, charli xcx, lil nas x, frank ocean, lizzo, doja cat, & mac miller 🎵 last movie: nope! which i loved last show: drag race 💅 when i created this blog: may 2022! i can't believe it hasn't been longer tbh what i post: i mean... i would hope y'all already know... the answer is porn lmfao last thing i googled: caught in 4k looking up a word to make sure it still means what i think it means

other blogs: nah, i can barely keep up with this one do i get asks: yessss and i love y'all for it 🥰 and i promise i keep all your freaky reqs even if i don't immediately fill them, hehe following: 228 followers: 1.6k 😳 average hours of sleep: 6-7 ?? instruments: in order of proficiency: guitar, ukulele, piano. i rly want to learn bass/drums !! what i'm wearing: jeans and a t-shirt, all hail casual fridays 🙌🏻 dream job: i simply do not dream of labor, i'm trying to be a crab dream trip: japan !!! (hali let's go together 👀) nationality: american/as white as they come lmao favorite songs: lately i've been looping bloom - troye sivan and little lies - odie tagging: no pressure/do it if it sounds fun (or if you're procrastinating like me 🥴) @gimmethatagustd @kiestrokes @nabiolive @allorareverz @rapline-heaux sorry my brain is mush and i think everyone else has been tagged already 😂 but if you haven't pls feel free to steal !!!

[vampcubus]

that’s very cool! you’re very talented and you should draw a funky little elf or a cool old alien type thing if that’s what you want!

shiny things? are you the crab from moana, wifey? - 💋

And the compliments just keep coming 😳🙈 thanks!! If I had my way I’d be drawing funky lil elves and goblins all day long!

Yes shinies! I am a cancer if that means anything 🦀✨

[madisonbeersource]

if you had to describe the astrological signs with madison's Life Support's songlist, which one you would say would describe the signs best ? i hope you understand what I mean ahh, happy new year !!!!!

I TOOK AGES (2 days to be exact....) but I HOPE you like how i represented your sign (TW: it's not because i gave a song to a sign that the song define YOU, it defines your signs overral ACCORDING TO ME, MY EXPERIENCES W THE SIGNS AND WHAT I SEE OF THEIR PERSONALITY)

Aries - Follow the white rabbit : To me, you aries are so bold and ready for any adventure, and you wouldn't hesitate much to follow the white rabbit and take us on a crazy but amazing journey. You're never lacking of new ideas. You're also very competitive from what i experienced, so this confidence is really giving off FTWR vibes!

Taurus - Good In Goodbye : you guys are represented by the bull ....do I need any explanation? lmaoo no fr if you guys have a bit of a tendency to burst into anything, you also never leave things unsaid and people alone if they do you wrong. If they break your promise? It's a good ol' good in goodbye and you let your anger out to give them the best middle finger thinking you don't have enough of em for this one person haha. You're also lil psychos but i love you so much so (the mv also speaks to me a lot for you guys ngl.)

Gemini - Blue : "I was always blue behind the red blood stain on my lip" Do i need to elaborate? you guys are PROS in blending in, which is a GOOD QUALITY TO HAVE, even if you have some tendencies to be a lil bit hypocrites it's most of the time out of "i don't wanna break them so i hold back" despite what other thinks...I see you all as people that just want the best for everyone, and you are always fighting the urge to say what u think and to hold back to not hurt, sooo sometimes you guys mix up and u're like...ops i wasn't completely honest and now i'm paying for it. so blue is really you guys, hiding yourself and what u truly feel.

Cancer - Selfish : CANCER MY EMOTIONAL LIL CRABS!! istg i haven't seen more emotional than you guys....it's crazy, you crying alone in your shower is really THE mood right? but that's what i love about you, your ability to just connect with your emotions, it makes me wanna connect to mine, you guys' ability to radiate whatever emotion is just so poetic, cancers are so poetic and so is selfish, a breaking song with a powerful message between the lines, that's who you are to me. you're too emotional for me to be continuously around you but honestly when i wanna have a strong emotional time, i know who to call.

Leo - Baby : my little divas, ya'll just so confident and funny, you're literally such drama queens & yet i've never seen anyone being more down to earth. my mom is leo (...at least that's what we think...since we don't know her real birthdate) BUT she's my lil hyper queen and ya'll should be treated like the queens/kings ya'll are & baby is honestly you're anthem i don't wanna hear anything else about it.

Virgo - Sour time : I LOVE TALKING W/ VIRGOS cause they've this logical and quick way of thinking, like they are SO SMART, so i picture them singing sour time, which is a song that is smartly written and u need a double listen to understand what it means. LIKE they literally can see right through someone's intention which is also a quality that I recognize in Aquariuses.

Libra - Everything Happens For A Reason : I feel like libras have this sweet nostalgy to yourself which makes u the most romantic beings ever. You're like the most sweet song at the end of a good movie idk you guys makes me feel so good about myself if that make sense and this song has the same vibe.

Scorpio - BOYSHIT : do u need more info about how scorpio could just kill somebody for the sake of it? hahaha jk i love u scorpios but you guys are kinda scary..which speaks to my inner self ngl lmao but i mean you guys give off the same energy as BOYSHIT, which means don't test me cause i'll end u w/o moving from my throne

Sagittarius: stay numb and carry on : Once you betray a sagittarius? THEY MOVE THE HECK ON and GOOD for them honestly no one has time to handle people's bs bc society is telling us to do, you don't live in YOUR world, you live in a sagittariuse's one! and i love that for them. they just stay numb to the bs and move on to greater people & even more greater things

Capricorn - Stained Glass : Capricorn are literally born to win anything they involve themselves into, they will do anything to obtain the top 1 and no matter if they lose some feathers along the way, you'll never see through their scars cause they're strong enough to go on with the deepest scars and smile in the end. I see them as some of the toughest people!

Aquarius - Homesick : they're the most underrated, rarest and most complicated minds to ever exist, they're misunderstood and yet they don't really care? cause in the end, they're the smartest people and they're mostly right most of the time even if it's annoying cuz they're aware of it too much. Once they believe in something nothing can break that. They're also SO open minded which makes them the companion of a lifetime since they'll NEVER judge you. but they're also some emotionless mf and i love it that way.

Pisces - Effortlessly : "Sadness isn't real, then why's it feel so physical?" ....do we need to elaborate? emotions flows in them like a river and i think they're emotionally geniuses, they have the widest spectrum of emotion and sometimes they drown in it and they don't really know how to feel and what to feel, which ends up in absorbs emotions of others and their own like sponges and explodes, but i envy your magic, and effortlessly has magic in the way they portray emotion in a powerful yet quiet ballad!

[jaskiersvalley]

Written In The Stars

Aside from teaching, Jaskier had picked up a little side job in Oxenfurt. It was one he could do from anywhere on the Continent as long as he could deliver a weekly horoscope submission. He didn’t exactly believe in it but it was quite fun to hear how people related to his inane ramblings. It was all fine until winter closed in and he was at Kaer Morhen. Inspiration dried up so Jaskier decided it was about time to have a few guest horoscope readers. He started with Geralt, hoping the love of his life might have some affinity for fortune telling. In the end, his weekly submission was as followed:

Aries - You’ll find your luck in the sky. Taurus - The fields are your sanctuary. Gemini - Misery comes in threes but happiness in twos. Cancer - You will get crabs. Hopefully from the sea. Leo - I can’t say anything positive about lions. Run. Virgo - Stay pure. Stay innocent. Libra - Weigh up your options. I’m running out of ways to say good luck. Scorpio - I’d sit on it with a bare butt for my friends. Sagittarius - Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Capricorn - The always horny bunch? Aquarius - Get wet. Wahey. Pisces - Always choose Roach.

So maybe Geralt wasn’t a natural at horoscopes but Jaskier was desperate. It seemed to be a hit though and Witcher Horoscopes were requested again. The next time, Jaskier asked Eskel to help because he had an stronger connection to Chaos and magic.

Aries - Fairies. Oh wait, you didn’t want help for rhymes, did you? Taurus - Biggest load of bull I’ve ever seen. Gemini - Everybody loves twins. Cancer - Do people actually believe this stuff? Leo - I mean, how many people are there in the world? Virgo - This isn’t unique to you. Go an live your life rather than hide behind mass marketed false hope. Libra - Fine. I guess you’ll have an okay week. You’ll find money or some shit. Scorpio - Actually, it’s Scorpion. Yes, a whole zodiac is named after my horse. Sagittarius - You’re not Cupid no matter how hard you try to matchmake. Capricorn - Lil Bleater has a zodiac too? Aquarius - Drown your sorrows in alcohol. Please don’t actually die, I hate drowners. Pisces - Damn Geralt. Roach is in on this too. Thought I was special for a minute.

People were rioting in delight. They wanted more and Jaskier got a letter asking him for another Witcher Horoscope. While Geralt declined and Eskel all but ran to hint forktails than help again, there was still Lambert.

Aries - Killed one. Taurus - Killed one. Gemini - Killed two. Cancer - Killed one. Leo - Killed one. Virgo - Killed one. Libra - Killed one. Scorpio - Killed one. Sagittarius - Killed one. Capricorn - Killed one. Aquarius - Killed one. Pisces - Killed one. P.S. What do you mean this isn’t a checklist of kills?