#My goal weight is also not like a crazy weight tbh if you go by BMI it still counts as 'overweight'

[pumpkinland]

I've lost 20 lbs since last year btw. Im actually very excited abt it. I'm particularly excited because my weight hasnt fluctuated much in the short term its been a slow and steady decrease and as anyone who knows anything about weight management the slower you lose weight the more likely you are to keep it off. I am genuinely very excited that I haven't been yoyoing and losing a lot and then gaining some back and then losing more and then gaining some back it's more like I lose a little and then stay there for a while and then lose a little more and then stay there for a while but it doesn't really go back up

[drill-teeth-art]

I have no idea how to ask but here goes…

How do you shape your characters and your designs so good??? The shapes of them are soo good! Big, slim, sharp, round, etc! They’re all so good, how do you design them so well??

I could write an entire book on character design and how it's changed over the years and how open ended it is and what I think are good principles and what commonly shared rules are honestly a bit too overly restricted because I'm crazy about character design but! Shape work. Let's stick to that for now.

Now of course for bodies and body types my number one recommendation is: For the love of god look at real people of different body types look at actual photos of fat people and skinny people with different bodies different distributions of their weight look at disabled bodies look at trans bodies look at people of all different races and draw them and learn PLEASE.

Additionally...

Here's a little design principle I like to work with that I find very helpful for spicing up my designs. I find the common character design advice of "simplify your design to ONE major shape motif! circles for friendly characters. squares for stubborn characters. and triangles for villains." to be overly restrictive. And of course the pros giving you that advice aren't trying to say you have to do every design in that framework every time. But they're not really going into detail on how you can use more shapes to add more layers and interest to your character design. Also tbh I think that the "circles for friendly characters and etc" piece of advice is stupid actually. You can easily make a villain character that is all circles and a hero that is all triangles. Plenty exist already in media.

I see a lot of people trying to diversify their body types fall into this trap of drawing all their fat characters with the same fat body type. And even if it is an accurate way fat distributes, it's still not representative of the diversity in fat bodies. Something that helped me (along with looking at references) was introducing secondary shapes. An additional shape motif. As you can see on Toxi here, he's mainly circles and round shapes. But I also added a crescent motif! To broaden his shoulders more and give a pointy and sharp edge to him.

Your primary shape for a fat character doesn't even need to be a circle. Tempos is square heavy with roundness as the supporting shape to emphasize how unassuming and soft he deliberately tries to look. And you can apply this to characters who are slimmer too. Conductus is composed of longer rectangles supported by triangles to emphasize its speed and electrical theme.

Viperos' major rounded shapes are supported by triangles to emphasize their flexibility and power. Gaz's square shapes are pushed with round shapes to make him look stronger and more agile. Mesmeris' crescent heavy design is supported with squares to help her look sturdy and imposing. And it's all about context too.

Squares can read as sturdy and trustworthy or rigid and intimidating. Circles can be soft and friendly or flexible and slippery. Triangles can be speed and cunning but also power and mystery. It's not about saying "circles are always friendly!". You can make villains who are round and imposing. It's more about "I want my character to come across as (blank)" and picking what major and minor shapes you want to use to support that. And (blank) shouldn't be just one word. "I want my character to come across as fast and agile while also being large and round" is a much more clear goal for your design than "I want my character to come across as fast".

And again as always please use references of real people too. You can study my art, and I highly encourage you to study the art of other artists you like and how they design characters. And I highly encourage you to get a solid foundation of "what different bodies look like irl" so you can also be respectful and accurate in your depictions. And remember that creativity doesn't occur in a vacuum. Please take the time to also sit down and watch movies or look at animals or read books or look at videos of machines working or whatever. Look at tons of media. Creative designs don't just spawn from my brain. Toxi's look is partially inspired by centipedes that crawl on ceilings I saw a video of. Viperos' look was inspired by snakes and also roadrunners. I was inspired by that Virus Ghost from Scooby Doo And The Cyberchase for Conductus' look. Please remember research is ALSO part of the design process. So I appreciate you asking me how I do things because asking questions is part of good research!

Anyway! Long ramble! Hope all this helps you in your design endeavors.

[puckpocketed]

new babygirl unlocked!! and he has HAIR!!!!!!

[ID: Photo of Los Angeles Kings prospect Aatu Jämsen in his Pelicans uniform. His hair is backlit to almost seem white, and streams out from under his helmet. /. End ID]

oh my GOD!!! new babygirl indeed... its giving barbie its giving goldilocks its giving hair on a my little pony toy... !

Quick notes on Aatu Jämsen. i am quite endeared. he is exactly my type of hockey guy <3

Plays RW! Drafted 2020, round 7, 190th overall. Before signing with the Kings, was playing for the Lahti Pelicans. Bit of a late bloomer, but he's tearing it up lately!! Probably why he got the nod from LA.

Per EP Rinkside, "Players with Jämsen's creativity are a rarity in Liiga. In a league where systems and team-wide strategy are at the forefront, Jämsen stands out with his puck skills and a flair for the dramatic. He's a legitimate dual-threat weapon in the offensive zone, and has also made some slight improvements to his physical game; a necessity if he wants to try to conquer North America next season."

So he's known for being very flashy. Quick, soft hands. Creative. Highlight reel stuff. GOATED on the shootout, apparently always trying crazy dangles in game... I'm SURE this type of prospect will be fine in the LA Kings system (<- lying but hopeful!! aslkdaskjl)

Here he is bullying the shit out of NHL24 champ/youtuber/ex-goalie Eki in the shootout. he yells "KUCHEROV" in triumph at one point after scoring on this guy who (checks notes) laced up skates to play goalie 2 times in the last 4 years - and i think that's so fucking lame and deeply charming.

and I am not surprised at all; he is VERY popular in the Finnish league.

Last month he got into a fight with Tampereen Tappara's Otto Rauhala. VERY unexpected, he's not a fighter at all. Rough google translate from this article, cleaned up a little by me:

Interviewer: What happened there? Jämsen: I don't know. Interviewer: So would you say Rauhala started it? Jämsen: You could say. I didn't appreciate his check in the first period of the game. Nothing more than that."

This is whole exchange is SO funny to me. what happened? he doesn't know. but if he had to say? then that guy fucking started it!!! but that's all <3 LMAO

HE MOONLIGHTS AS A RAP MUSICIAN. HELLO. His stage name is KIDJAM$EN kjlasdkljadlak HELP..,, here is one of his songs set to a short looping montage of Pelicans hockey players.. i think its a playoffs hype song??? I cannot understand a word of it. it DOES bang though!!! He plans to pursue music as a career if hockey doesn't work out. jumping from one risky career to another with no fear honestly go off!!! faith trust and pixie dust <3

everything about him i can dig up is like He's SOO flashy. eccentric. strange creachture. He bleaches his hair to get it that light. he did it to imitate Otto Salin, per this article. The picture is worth a thousand words tbh:

the fucking. LV sweater. the sunglasses. the coy look up at the camera. okay!!! cunt !!! <3

In the same article: he got very serious about nutrition and exercise last season after coming back from a break and getting BLASTED by his coaches for being out of shape. from the sounds of it, this dressing-down triggered his current meteoric rise? He was nawwwt taking his conditioning seriously before this. Since then, he's gained weight and become stronger, and has dedicated himself fully to going pro!

same article again: he's the scion of a hockey family - and god isnt that always the story?? His dad played for the Pelicans. his brothers Juuso and Vili also play hockey. The three have distinct play styles like a cute little set <3 Juuso the goal scorer, Aatu the playmaker, and Vili the GOON!!!

ough MIDDLE CHILD ALERT!!! it all makes SO much sense now....

Due to his flashiness on-ice AND off-ice, he naturally is a lightning rod for criticism. ice hockey is notoriously conservative as a culture and everything about him goes against this. Jams... Jammie... Jammer... idk what to call you BUT. your swag too different your slay too cunty, they're trying to kill you but you wont let them!!!!!

it seems instead of pivoting and making himself more palatable, he's only doubled down. i love and support him for this. if anyone has been on my blog they know i enjoy my guys with big personalities just as much as i love the quiet/underrated ones.

in conclusion, WELCOME TO LA. YOU ARE PERFECT FOR THIS TOWN, GORGEOUS <3

[raayllum]

Before s4 came out I didn't follow anyone here (didn't know you guys existed) so I was sitting there trying to point out parallels between Callum and Viren and how wild it would be if in a canon divergence au they would forced to work together and how horrified they would be as they slowly realized shit we are alike, and maybe even a good team and all of my friends were like????? Honey, sit down, maybe to watch something else, touch grass outside?

Which, fair. BUT NOW HOWEVER I know I'm not crazy 'cause your posts are in my dash to not only say yeah, those two nerds have their similarities but to point out so much other things I wouldn't have guessed like never, so all this rant to say thanks, now I can go back on my bullshit with your beautiful gifs as cientifical proof I'm in fact so right

Hello & first off, welcome to the fandom, I hope you're having a great time!! And thank you for sending this ask in because Viren-Callum parallels are literally one of my favourite things in the entire show!!

And have been for quite a while (as this post documents, from post-S2 onwards back in Feb 2019 I've been chugging that sweet foils juice and only getting continually more fed), I always figured S4 would majorly ramp it up (just like S2 did from S1) but I am still thrilled beyond my wildest dreams that the foil dynamic is becoming this richly layered / complex / overt, y'know?

I think in terms of personality presentation Viren and Rayla are very similar as well (which I still need to do a S4 update for them whoops) but in terms of narrative weight and arcs and Viren's personality beyond his independence/paranoia? It's Callum all the way down, 100%

Like, they were already tied together as mages with Claudia's loyalty to each of them pit directly against one another (with Viren unsurprisingly winning) as well as brothers to the king (Harrow, Ezran). As Callum lets go of titles and calls Harrow Dad, Harrow insists on Viren using his title formally (which Viren already often did so) and Viren forsakes him as a brother. The plume of Harrow's funeral pyre in 1x04 going into Callum's primal stone transition shot; Viren going to the butterflies to de-corrupt himself while Callum looks at the Star primal on the cube, etc.

I've always been fond of Callum having to work with Claudia or Viren if/when the two mages come back across the moral horizon line, purely because those dynamics are so complicated and tainted, and yet they are also two people who can uniquely understand Callum's headspace and attachment to magic (or perhaps not unique understanding, but like, mirroring, haha?) I've written Callum and Claudia doing so before but idk if I've written Viren and Callum (although I have written them being on friendlier terms in "looking for a way to break in," although it's a very small part of the fic). I may have to write a canon divergence at one point where Callum is taken on as an apprentice to Viren (or Viren's old mentor Kpp'Ar even) but we shall see

Because like, they're both smart and clever and research focused, and just pragmatic enough to not be completely opposed (if they had a common goal) but Callum would have some lines he isn't willing to cross to the same capacity, which would keep Viren in check, and Viren could bring in knowledge/experience Callum doesn't have by virtue of just being so much younger. As well as primal mage (and friend of Xadians) Callum having access and knowledge of things that may surprise Viren and teach him a thing or two in addition

I think what makes me the most excited though is a couple of things stacked on top of each other, tbh

Viren's speech in 4x04, regarding, "I have always been ready to do anything to protect my family, however dangerous, however vile. In the name of love, you may perform acts so unforgivable, you can never forgive yourself" just as Callum finds a new consequence for doing dark magic way back when

We see Callum in 4x07 is later horrified of the possession mostly because "I'm afraid he'll force me to do awful things. Or hurt people I care about" (as Callum has already done, if not vile, then dangerous things to protect his loved ones, notably Ezran and Rayla)

The fact that Viren doing something awful to save Soren as a kid is now working it's way in the show (also in 4x07) of "You would be dead without Dad's magic" to be explored further in S5

Callum also having to inevitably fail to free Aaravos, with all the symbolism behind the idea ("Accidents happen" "On purpose" / "I hope it was worth it to you, putting everyone's lives in danger" / "This doesn't end well for you" / "It's the key of Aaravos, no good will come of it") that he may have more of an active hand in purposefully freeing him under coercion, also possibly in S5

Like if Callum and Ezran start being tested in s5, and Callum saves Ez at any cost (thus leaping over how Viren and Harrow failed each other bc those sweet generational parallels? Gold). Or Viren wanting to save Claudia and not wanting Aaravos to be freed, with perhaps Callum freeing Aaravos in order to save someone like Rayla but

Just having parallels with Aaravos thus far hasn't been the main reason, it seems, to have such an intense foil relationship between Viren and Callum, but there's still gotta be a bigger reason, and it really feels to me like this aspect of Viren might be why he and Callum have been so contrasted with each other

Other posts u can show ur friends if you want to:

My general Viren-Callum foils tag

A pre-S4 breakdown of all the ways they parallel each other season by season

A post-S4 breakdown of how they parallel each other with some bonus foil stuff

[stepfordgoth]

I keep trying to make goals/resolutions for the new year but I'm stuck. I've never been very good at making goals. Last year I think I kept it completely abstract like "in 2024 I want to continue improving myself in every possible healthy way", which is, of course, not really a goal. Goals have to be specific and have to have a time limit to achieve them and a way to measure your progress. Among other things. Im referring to the SMART goals system right now btw:

However I will say, despite it not being a goal set scientifically, I do think I did improve vastly in the last 12 months and I certainly wouldn't call that goal a failure! Compared to where I was last year, here are some of the things Ive achieved:

I am drinking way less frequently (and way less in general) now since this time last year (I was becoming messy tbh)

I joined a gym for the first time ever in my life in august, and I fell in love with it fast. What a confidence boost to not only be going to the gym regularly at all, but to commit to it after the idea of it has scared you for so long. And then to fall in love with the gym too! I'm giving myself lots of praise right now, thats a brand new set of several skills I acquired when I decided to walk into the gym! Compare that to the girl I was a year ago who was drinking way too much and not eating healthily and getting enough exercise and gaining weight because of all of these things. I've definitely lost a little bit of weight and I look a lot better/sexier/healthier now too

I've got my chronic physical issues more or less under control. Some weeks/months are better than others. I spent a lot of time this year trying to understand and fix my gut health and I can proudly say that a year ago I kinda thought I was going to die because of the terrible flare up I was experiencing, and today I have a pretty decent handle on it. January 2024 was the worst flare-up I've had in my life, and it has never approached that level since then. And it still flares up and it's awful when it does, but they're fewer and further between now, and they aren't nearly as painful or damaging. I'm really proud of how I've done the research and tried things until I found something that helps.

I have been strong and supportive and helpful as much as possible for my husband while he's been going through a lot of changes in his (and our!) life. I am so proud of him! It's been a crazy ride but it feels so good and I know he's got this, he's a fucking rockstar.

I have given so many new things chances this year. Specifically, new music. I've really allowed myself to be more open minded musically this year than I have in a very long time.

I have persevered this year. In so many ways. I have navigated lots of situations and always come out of it okay.

I have stuck up for myself. I have spoken up and stuck to my guns for what's right for me while also being proactive and trying new techniques and ideas to deal with my life issues. I have been assertive and I've spoken my thoughts and wants and feelings. Somtimes I have made big choices or changes and stuck to them even when others around me weren't huge fans of it.

I've gotten closer to truly loving myself. I'm still working on it though, but I made some big breakthroughs this year. I've put conscious effort into being more feminine and attracting more feminine energy to myself this year, and I've done a lot of reading/changing experimenting with different hair and makeup techniques and products and clothes this year!

I went to a Caribbean island (that alone is a first) and I saw so many more stars than I've ever seen in my life and I learned to boogie board and i started to realize that it's time to let go of that "I was raised as a prisoner" mentality that makes me forget that I'm a free, grown adult and I can do whatever I want. And I got the cutest little whale tail tan line! And I learned that my husband is more in tune with "the cosmos" (so to speak) than I gave him credit for.

I finally put some things into motion regarding some stuff around the house that has been bugging me for a while but I kept getting put off for whatever reason.

I was finally able to recognize the root of an issue I've had in my life on and off since I was 14, and accept it for what it is and make peace with it. It no longer obsessively plagues my thoughts as it did for many years, thank god!

I shyed away from fewer social engagements this year than I did last year (i think?) and I tried a little bit harder to make friends, or at the very least build some sort of personal familiarity with a few new people.

I was not perfect with it, but I made HUGE strides in my not abusing my stimulant meds journey. Yes I did indeed have slipup moments but I think overall I probably took the least total amount of stimulants in 2024, that I have since 2018.

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Tuesday, April 9th, 2024!

12:45am: Studied, now taking a nap till 4am lol wish me luck!! Had delicious meatballs for dinner, had a great day, saw the solar eclipse (!) and didn't hear from old guy which was nice for once!! Tired of him calling and ruining my Mondays with his sob stories :) I'm just saying I actually had a hella productive day because I wasn't triggered before noon! Hallelujah ❤️ good night everyone I love you all :) ❤️

12:26pm: I'm so burnt out and doneeee. Also just ewwwww ick what a fucked up guy fr I had to put him in his place in order for him to treat his gf right 🤢 fucking hell I'd be so embarrassed if he posted me ever again like I think I would fr cry out of embarrassment. I want to tell her so badly but(!) that would only put bad karma on me I really don't want that, just let her find out eventually ❤️ yuck

4:41pm: I think he blocked me from messaging him, but didn't actually block me? Why are there so many different ways to ignore someone lmao I didn't even know you could do that. Sucks for him. I'm done with my pediatric kidney transplant research, 🥳 and he's not around. Kinda like he died or something. He really went with me through all the bullshit but didn't want to stick around for the end result is kinda fucking crazy and stupid tbh. Really really really crazy to think another guy is gonna get the big baller Dr. version of me, and he only got the stressed out poor broke ass weight gaining student version but whatever. It's not like I wasn't going to make it at some point. Anyway, his loss and someone else's gain 😎❤️ You would think he'd appreciate it the most, but he was too pussy to have a bad ass Dr. as a wife and just REALLY wanted to be the aLpHa MaLe and needed a lower level bitch 😬😂 The definition of self sabotage and toxic masculinity/ red pill bs. I need a confident man to match my energy and that's really some shit he was never able to do. It doesn't matter what you do for a living either I just need you to own your shit. He always wanted me to be quieter or more chill because he just wasn't shit. Every time I shined he looked like a rusty piece of junk instead of just shining with me. It's not like I wanted him to be beneath me, but he really wasn't helping himself either. Whatever. His loss is someone else's gain 🥰 Can't wait to find my partner ❤️

10:09pm: I really want to take my birth control out but I'm just gonna wait until I can call the pharmacy tomorrow because I don't know how early I can pick it up! This is killing me. I have deduced from planned parenthood (thanks!) that because I've had it in for infinity number of weeks (lol) I'm good to take it out as long as the new one goes in at 7 days or earlier if I want to try to change my start date?. The out time just cannot exceed 7 days. I want to have it out the whole 7 days this time and maybe I'll duck around with it next time trying to move it to Mondays again instead of Friday?? Idk I just need this shit to enD I remember why I skipped my period for six months straight now. I think that might be a record I haven't seen much longer than 2-3 months.

Goals: Start my period asap (safely) and get as much out as possible* I stg I'm gonna be chugging cayenne juice n vitamin C and tea and water y'all don't knoW. I want the spotting to STOP. Side note I also put bandaids on my boob acne maybe this will get under control :')

Get through this week's work and become the CritCare expert and try not to fail the last OSCE omg :') last verbal defense :')) it's all coming to an end literally.

Seriously though staying hydrated and *stress relieving* are the main goals until next weekend.

By the time the 19th rolls around (!!!) y'all aren't ready for that HYPE ASS weekend free dinner and Jesse McCartney and then the last week will be a BLUR 🤠

It's so funny because when I'm lit I know I'm not going to be thinking about him. It's not even that bad anymore. I can't imagine when the stress is 0%. I'd say I'm more fatigued than stressed atp too, like stress is about 20% and it's all to do with my period tbh, not even school. A little anxiety about APPE so maybe 25% but I'm not even really thinking about that yet either.

[retrospections]

hey! it’s dec 31st! you made it!

firstly: yeah, i’m 24 now. don’t feel a difference at all. happy late birthday to me! now let’s get to the important updates, shall we?

• you started T! september 18th. 🫶🏽 you’re very happy with the changes you’ve seen! here’s what you’ve got so far: slightly more visible peach fuzz on your lip, voice dropping little by little, but noticeable to other people who pay enough attention, bottom growth that you find adorable lmao, and a slightly more sharp jawline that’s also due to some recent weight loss. oh yeah, the first change was the smell of your sweat. you reek! you smell like your brother! hell yeah! here’s something Really cool: your boyfriend starts T on your 4-month Tversary! hehehe, nice. you both can’t wait to look like a boy! dysphoria has definitely been beating your ass lately, and you don’t help yourself because you don’t work out but you trigger yourself by looking at the people who give you the most gender envy… be serious lol you’re so silly. you’ll figure that out eventually. you’ll also figure out what’ll happen once your female parental figure catches on… it’s been rough dealing with the constant misgendering but it is what it is. at some point in time, they’ll look crazy if they refer to me as a woman in front of anyone who doesn’t know us (or me pre-transition).

• you started therapy and meds again! november 15th and 16th, respectively. you like your therapist! she’s a lot more helpful than your last one. your meds are doing their job; your mood swings aren’t as extreme anymore! but you might have to up your dosage soon because while the side effects wore off, you’re binge eating again. speaking of…

• you’re unfortunately back in your d*s*rd*r*d era, and you’re taking it quite seriously (except for the fact that you’re a b*nger and that’s what’s fucking you up.) you aren’t mentally or physically ready for recovery, nor are you Prepared; your definition of recovery is just b*ng*ng. it’s either you st*rve or b*nge; no in between. very sad tbh. but hey, you’re no longer in the 200s! you definitely need to do something about this… not recovery, at least, not anytime soon. your plan is to talk to your doctor and psych about your… Problem and make it very clear that you’re in severe mental and emotional distress about it and that you very much Need a solution. you Need something that’ll destroy your appetite and make it so that you’re not eating your emotions (or lack thereof). hopefully you can figure something out without them catching onto your Real goal…

• you really, Really hate your conceivers. nothing new, but your female parent equivalent has been absolutely insufferable lately. quite frankly, it’s horrific. atrocious. you and your fatherly parent equivalent have had more than one conversation about her out of control behavior and you’re both on the same page: she’s fucking crazy, and not in a funny or healable way. at this point all you can do is worry about yourself and hope for the best. seriously. in other news, you were confronted about stealing your dad’s money. you have none because you quit the observatory in october (thank god) so you’ve been stealing his to get by. you blew threw the $400 he sent you for your birthday (like two weeks early, so is it really my fault?) and you’re about o blow through the $200 you got on your actual birthday, but you’re “trying” to make it last until you get this possible job… oh yeah, your next job will most likely be caring for your brother. money is money, i guess. you don’t know any of the details but honestly at this point, you’d be stupid to say no.

• this one is quick: you had a falling out with the gc; it’s just jillybeanz now and you feel like it’s a pretty solid friend group that isn’t going anywhere. we constantly affirm each other and it’s really nice! this feels right. i hope we’re friends forever, all of us amongst ourselves and as a whole. 🫶🏽

• you also had a strong falling out with alli where you took a month break at her request, but you’ve made up now. it’s still a bit odd because she’s quieter now and you find it hard to talk to her about random topics like you used to because her responses are so lackluster, but when you Do get the gears going, it goes well! you and stass are fine but you need to do a much better job of engaging in real conversation with both of them.

• funny enough, this falling out was pretty parallel to you realizing some not-so-fun feelings you had towards your boyfriend, but you’ve worked it out now so it’s all good! don’t be afraid to ask more questions. you’re partners! it’s okay to ask for clarification! 🫶🏽

• alright, fine. we can finally talk about your favorite part: kpop. you finally let go of those silly feelings about she-who-shall-not-be-named and finally, finally ult skz, like god intended. your current top 3 groups are ateez, xdinary heroes, and stray kids! your ults as of right now are gunil, bangchan, jongho, ode, hongjoong, changbin, and jisung! your semi-ult is taehyun, and your regular biases are junhan, seungmin, yeosang, and hueningkai. there’s also wonseo and sunggook, steve and kyungmun (and maybe eunho?), and lola. you’re working on seventeen but it’s been pretty consistent with minghao, vernon, and jun for a short while now. you got chris’ bubble and well, let’s just say it’s been Fun. you still have oguogu’s bubble, but you don’t talk to them as much as you used to because you’re kind of in your skz era right now, BUT you’re slowly working yourself back into both your atz And xh era. you’re learning how to balance all 3! thank you wellbutrin lol. you’ve finally organized your damn stray pcs lol, or as organized as they can get when you don’t have the proper supplies. it’s better than nothing! you’re very very nervous for whoever’s going on tour next year, but hopefully if you get this job (and maybe even a second overnight one) you can save up enough to see your faves on tour… that’s wishful and very far away thinking, though. a girl can dream..

• oh! how could you forget! you’ve finally decided to quit weed, and as of today you’re a month and 12 days clean! it’s been a very rough month and you’ve almost broken on multiple occasions, but you are genuinely so grateful that you’ve stayed strong and not given into the urges. it still doesn’t feel like you’re quitting forever but honestly, as much as i Hate it, that’s the goal. you don’t need drugs in your life. you’ve even moderated your alcohol use, which is amazing because usually when you don’t have one, you need the other. i think you can thank wellbutrin for that one too. here’s to living nicotine And weed free, and to actually drinking socially!

all in all, it’s been a Very Eventful and Very Forgetful 2023. i hope that 2024 is more stable, peaceful, joyful, and fruitful than 2023. not just for you, but for all of your loved ones too. best of luck next year, sev! keep yourself posted! happy late birthday, and happy new year. 🫶🏽

today, april 26th 2021, marks the start of my two-week countdown.

in two weeks' time, i'll be shipping out to Navy basic training.

where will i be by the time i look back at these posts? what will i be thinking? what will i look like? will i be proud? will i regret it? did i make it through? am i over it? should i be proud? am i stronger than i thought i was? i have so many questions for you, future me.

tell me; did i do good? did i make myself proud? i need to know.

who are you right now, at the time of new you reading this?

right now, i'm scared. stressed out. embarrassed. ashamed. embarrassed that it took this long to get here and ashamed that i'm having second thoughts. i'm doubting you. but i bet you discover a newfound strength in boot camp, don't you?

i should keep my wits about me; my head on my shoulders. i should be kind to myself, and patient. i should be better to myself.

i hope i make you proud.

[moo-nstone]

random thoughts on the moon signs

moon in pisces is literally my favorite placement ever. something about these people makes me feel safe. as a capricorn moon, i repress my emotions constantly and i’m deadly afraid of showing vulnerability, but pisces moons give off this vibe of constantly being consumed by their emotions – and it’s fascinating. you make me feel like it’s okay to express my deeply emotional side; even better, you encourage it. you’re the type of people who i love crying with while eating ice cream, even cuddling with. your empathy and passion for your interests is your biggest strength.

moon in aquarius reminds me of that shrek quote of him being an onion – you guys have layers upon layers upon layers. my brother is an aquarius moon and sometimes i feel like i’m the only person who knows how emotional he really is. you hate showing this part of yourself – it’s hidden safely from prying hands; you racionalize your emotions, repress them, attempt to conceal them; but ultimately, your deeply compassionate and intuitive nature will be shown – even if only to the very few you trust. your dreams are your biggest strength.

i have never met a cancer moon without raging mommy issues yet who was deeply attached to their mother. you always share this very close bond and she’s very present in your life – yet its so obviously this very toxic dynamic. you guys get this fame for being the only ones with ‘stable’ emotions because your moon is exalted but you’re like.. not. your emotions aren’t stable; much on the contrary, and even if you’re very emotional, you don’t particularly like showing it. most of the cancer moons i’ve known are iffy about expressing their feelings. you joke a lot about your trauma, though, and so you give people the impression of knowing you when really, they don’t know the half of it.

moon in sagittarius makes it feel like life is worth living. you dream so much and so high; you’re so open about your love for adventure and freedom, so optimistic and fun-loving – to the point where most people don’t understand how turbulent your emotions are underneath the façade. you give off the vibe of the funny friend who’s depressed and afraid to show it because you’re supposed to be the one who raises the spirits. doesn’t it hurt when you try opening up to others and they almost seem bothered by it because they prefer it when you’re just this bubble of fun? you need to learn to take that weight off your shoulders – stop trying to entertain others and realize that they’re the ones who need to entertain you. this is your show, baby. your resilience is your strength.

is it possible to be a capricorn moon without having strict parents and a terrible childhood in which you had to raise yourself? because i think it’s kind of a given. it’s so funny how literally everyone sees you as this cold, unemotional, strong person yet you probably cry everyday. a lot of problems with self-worth every time you’re in a bad place mentally, which is constantly. extremely calculating – you always do shit with a clear purpose in mind and it can come off like you’re using people for your own gains. your ability to survive even unsurmountable odds stacked up against you is your strength. i almost feel like you thrive on pain because that’s how you’ve learned to grow and adapt.

moon in aries people are so smart, and most of all, dedicated. you make me want to get my life together so bad – you’re the type of people to set a goal and go through with it no matter what. you’re always on to something, looking for opportunities and recognition. you see what you want and you go for it. you’re so easy to rile up and lose it, though, it’s so funny how you’re so bold and passionate yet so big of a crybaby (all aries placements are tbh).

moon in scorpio stop being so pessimistic pleathe i will kiss you in the lips just don’t lose your faith in humanity /yet/. trust is the most important thing in the world to you which is funny because you have raging trust issues. so sensitive but you cover that up with anger. you be looking like you wanna commit sporadic murder when on the inside you’re just so hurt. you’re so dependable, things might be in deep shit but as soon as you’re in the room i know we’ll find a way to fix it. if the l*ve of my life doesn’t end up being a scorpio moon i’ll be so pissed.

moon in leo YOU’RE SO INFURIATING PLEASE SHUT UP OR I’LL FUCK YOU??????? massive egos, you know you’re the shit and you won’t shut up about it. likes to start arguments just to rile everyone up and then laugh maniacally in the corner at the chaos they created. always have a wicked plan in mind and i’ll go along with it because you’re also stupidly endearing. the best friends, literally always there when you’re down and sosososo supportive. i’ve noticed that feeling insecure is quite possible the worst thing you can feel, it’ll start to take a toll on your physical health. your ability to be a fucking idiot but also a /pretty/ idiot is your biggest strength.

moon in virgo if you say “well actually, that’s not how that works” one more time i’ll throw hands. incredibly nit-picky and obsessive but also the types of people to have a pile of dirt on their room?? mom friend, WILL take care of her babies/friends. you always ruin the mood yet.. you’re so fun to be around? how does that even work? i could listen to you talk for hours. i don’t think you know what the concept of relaxation is. also pleathe stop with that need to fix others. the fact that you’re so focused on your goals and willing to do just about anything is your biggest strength (it’s also kinda scary).

my mom’s moon is in libra and ma’am can you please stop transferring your mommy issues onto me? i get it, you had a codependent relationship with her and she showed you she loved you while also constantly criticising you and treating you like an extension of herself. my bestie is a libra moon too and it’s also like that. just.. mommy issues and insecurities for days. a passion 4 fashion and people love to be around you. also, i can’t understand how you feel. like, you’ll cry a lot and love so hard yet when you break up with someone you’ll never spare a thought about them again? it’s almost like you can turn your feelings off. which is funny, because that’s supposed to be a capricorn moon thing but i’ve never met one who can stop caring, they just act like they’re heartless to protect themselves. either way, libra moons can switch from sweethearts to cold and aggressive in a literal second and it’s scary but also cool.

moon in gemini please don’t ever shut up you have so much to say, your interests are so fascinating and the way you talk with so much passion about literally anything makes my heart do the flippy thing. also so complicated, can you name one person in this world who fully knows and comprehends you? very secretive, people feel like they know you because you talk a lot and are very open about certain things but as soon as something actually serious happens you turn into allison dilaurentis real quick.

moon in taurus why are you so pretty? you’re so extra too, you always leave the house looking straight off the runaway. you’re literally so caring for your friends and overprotective too, possessive of even them. you prioritize comfort a lot, wether it be on your home or concerning yourself. you’re very good with people, i feel like you’re the ex that your ex-boyfriend’s mom doesn’t ever shut up about because she misses you and wants you to be The one. you need to learn that change isn’t the enemy!! change is fundamental for personal growth. hold grudges for a crazy amount of time. very weird sense of humor, in an oddly endearing way. your mentality of “if they’ve hurt you, they’ve hurt me too” is your biggest strength.

[we-can-be-heroes]

1, 2, 4, 6? 📚

2) What are 2-5 already published nonfiction books you think you want to read in 2023?

Ok so I’m waiting for this one to arrive and I’m extremely excited :

And my dream is to read this one entirely :

She passed away in 2016 and her writings have not been published in years… I’m a bit of a paper fetishist (especially for people I adore) so of course I want the physical version 😭 but I’m afraid it might be hard to find and most of all very expensive. So either I keep waiting for a miracle either I accept to read the pdf version hehe…!

And finally these two :

These also are two very rare books I plan on finding and buying lol 🥲 ! These were supposed to be a triptych/trilogy but life is hard and making books costs money so unfortunately it didn’t happen. The first volume is about the international post-punk, cold wave, techno-pop, dark folk, gothic rock, electronic, EBM, industrial metal scenes, basically all the related movements that have appeared since the 70’s etc……. And the second volume apparently tackles the….French gothic scene ??? As well as other francophone gothic scenes such as the Swiss, Belgian and Luxembourgish, which I don’t know shit about. As far as I know these are THE MOST COMPLETE publications about the subject written in French !!!!

4) Do you plan to read any genres you haven't read much before?

Hummmm as funny/crazy as it sounds I’ve never read any horror novels lol ! (Except for Carrie when I was a preteen) I watch horror, I read horror mangas, horror comics, even theorical/philosophical stuff about horror in magazines but no horror novels. Reading horror novels sound way scarier than any of the other stuff I listed that contain CLEAR IMAGES 😭 ! But I’m ready and would like to give it a shot. Other than that any good books that contain magical realism ? English Gothic Literature, French romantisme noir. And more theorical/philosophical/scientific stuff about subjects I care about !

6) Do you have any conceptual reading goals?

E.g., I plan to read books on food history.

Yes absolutely, as you can see in the previous book choices & the answer just above, I would like to read more theorical essays about music genres and their historical and political aspects, same goes for genre cinema, and the different themes and recurring patterns found there .

But also more books about cultural studies and critical theory. A few years ago for a long time I was going through a very strong feeling of DÉSIDENTIFICATION (disidentification) which was painful at the time, but also freeing ! [ I am still and constantly going through it tbh but in a very less violent way, the freeing part is starting to kick in hehe !] so, I was saying this word constantly to talk about how I felt and I ended up doing research and learning that this term had already been invented/theorized by someone called José Esteban Muñoz, in his very first book :

It made me very emotional to know that someone had written an entire book around the topic lol and now I really want to read it ! I found myself wrapped in feelings of unbelonging since forever so I’m always very attracted to and interested in what other people may have said or thought about these matters.

I will probably go through these rollercoasters of identification and disidentification my whole entire life but that’s also what makes it exciting and interesting and worth living I guess !

Not being able to categorize and decrypt you easily or at all is something that always enrages aaaaaaaall types of people ! And this is something I absolutely love and hate and find very interesting.

Pissing of and disturbing people by my very existence has always been my little specialty ! At some point I even started cultivating this by trying to scare people (through my art, looks, and unconsciously, probably, some aspects of my personality and life ““choices”” such as isolation) as an attempt to protect myself and free myself from this weight loool ! Which in my experience really isn't always a good idea, and once again is as liberating as it is painful !! For myself and others !!

Partly for all these reasons i have always been very drawn to the idea of “monstrosity” and have identified with monsters in art for as long as I remember so I’m always very happy to come across writings/books about this ! (if any of you have any recommendations btw don’t hesitate 🤍 ! Except for Paul B. preciado’s book that I have already heard about)

Anyway !!! So yeah basically I want to read these 5 books 😂😂😂….The only link I see between them is the idea of community that I have loved and hated and loved and hated and LOVED again 🔄🔄🔄🔄🔄♾️♾️♾️ and that I keep deconstructing and reconstructing perpetually !!!!

Thank you very much for the very interesting questions, loved answering these and sorry if « 2023 book ask » might have turned into « over sharing » ?? I just thought that it was related, and wanted to explain the book choices !

Have a great night !! 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

[shinydocsberrytea]

TW!!!! ana/thinspo talk, orthorexia, BED

i feel like i’ve been in this negative mindset since i binged for the 1st time in a long time. it’s been so much more difficult to ignore all the delicious holiday food that is constantly surrounding me & offered to me. (carrot cake is my absolute fucking favorite & my friend randomly came by the apartment & brought us homemade carrot cake cupcakes & it was so fucking difficult pretending like i had no interest in it. but i did & i was convincing.) it felt like i lost control, like i lost progress, like i lost everything. it’s like eating healthy/restricting/obsessing has become a main part of my personality and if i don’t have that it feels like.. i don’t deserve to be happy. or have a girlfriend. or feel attractive. i actually can’t imagine eating something unhealthy in front of anyone. i guess that’s what orthorexia is. i feel like admitting that unhealthy food still tempts me & has power over me is automatically failure & defeat. but it’s not. after my binge i was in a weight loss stall for HALF A MONTH but over the last 9 days i broke it & lost 3 pounds :) this feels so insignificant to me but it does mean that overall i’ve now lost 44 pounds. i have to start seeing that like the accomplishment that it is, w/o seeing it as too much of an accomplishment & binging. (as for controlling my binging: i think i’m gonna allow thanksgiving break to be my four cheat days and whenever i think abt binging before then i’ll think abt break. i’ll get the holiday foods & drinks i’ve been dreaming abt at starbucks, i’ll eat thanksgiving dinner & sip sparkling cider & maybe have a slice of pie, i might even get some of my favorite meals from restaurants in my hometown. it’s weird bc my biggest fear isn’t even gaining weight it’s that my parents will judge me for eating unhealthy & lose respect for me. but before i left for college my dad told me to stop losing weight & i’ve lost another 15 lbs since then so maybe they’ll want me to eat?) i’m at 136 rn, my lowest weight ever recorded. i think it’s important that i take a second to be proud of myself. it’s very, very easy to say “my ugw is 100, & i’m 36 pounds away from that so basically i’m not even close to my weight loss goal & i have no reason to celebrate this” but 55% of my weight loss journey is complete & that is worth smiling about. so i’m gonna list some of my accomplishments that inspire me & i hope they inspire u guys too ❤️ i will also include a body check from late sept & in it u can see a line down my stomach which is so strange bc i’ve never seen that on my own body

1. i’m small enough now to borrow some of my girlfriend’s clothes, and all my clothes/shoes that were too tight on me fit again and some of my jeans look oversized which is crazy to me

2. i found an xs shirt from aeropostale in a thrift store and it fit and i bought it and it’s my favorite shirt now. (i used to genuinely fear aeropostale, abercrombie & fitch, & hollister bc it really felt like being skinny was a prerequisite to entering the store.) i also bought a hoodie that’s xs & fits only slightly tight.

3. changing rooms are still brutal to be in, but much less so now. & if i stand a certain way i have a visible thigh gap which keeps me going

4. the overweight friend of one of my roommates said they wish they could count macros like me and they asked how much weight i lost and they were both shocked at the answer & when i told my roommate who’s 120lbs that i wanted to get to 120 or less she was shocked & said that she was actually trying to gain and get to my weight… i’ve never been more shocked tbh (i was 139 at the time) bc how could a skinny girl want to get to my weight..

5. my girlfriend says to me now “i love the way you look in that” & says i’m hot when i wear tight clothes. (she doesn’t say i only look hot in tight clothes but i’ve noticed she only compliments me when i’m wearing them.) & i’ve noticed when i lay next to her that my hip bones are starting to become more visible like hers which is nice

6. i suppose i have no choice but to admit that my legs have shrunk bc my old jeans hang off my legs & even though it feels like they’re just as fat as when i was at my sw, i can tell when i shave them that there’s less surface area & it’s easier and takes less time. oversized clothes are starting to look good on me instead of making me look like a whale, & docs make my legs feel so skinny i love it

7. my mom texted me this yesterday after i told her about all the unhealthy food my roommates cook and eat around me: “I do applaud your willpower btw. It must be very hard to stay on track when everyone else around you eats garbage.” she’s never complimented me on my willpower or on anything related to dieting really so this felt probably too amazing

8. my best friend from my hometown visited me in college 4 days ago & saw me for the first time in over a month & a half & the first thing she said was “wow you look smaller i didn’t recognize you”

9. one of my old classmates from high school slid up on my snap story & said: “damn, you’ve been working out! you look good. like seriously. i’m sure you are but be proud of yourself” & my mom’s best friend also slid up on my story & said “i have a concern though. i see you’re looking thin… i just want to make sure you’re ok…”

10. all my roommates actively, respectfully, & interestedly listen when i teach them facts abt diet/nutrition/macros/fasting/fitness. which feels fucking crazy bc if i had tried to talk to skinny girls abt all the shit i know, when i was obese, no one would’ve taken me even a little bit seriously. bc at the time i had 0 proof that i knew what the fuck i was talking about. but as soon as people find out how much weight i’ve lost, they look at me w this beautiful expression. filled with shock, intrigue, amazement, jealousy, curiosity… all the things society wants you to feel when you hear abt someone successfully losing a bunch of weight & being happier because of it. & i really am happier as a smaller person. i can’t even begin to name the endless list of negative things i don’t have to deal w as much now that i’m skinnier. i’ll save that 4 another post

have an incredible day. i love all of you. i truly feel so close to every single one of you it’s insane. please message me i would love to talk to you. today: go pet an animal. go to the grocery store and buy your favorite safe food. (i’m gonna do that today :)) go on a walk in your favorite outfit. spend money on something you’ve been wanting. (i bought a mushroom tote bag yesterday & i’ve been wanting a tote bag forever.) drink some tea & watch a movie you’ve been wanting to watch. cuddle w someone. listen to ur favorite song. remind yourself of the little things that bring u joy no matter what & prioritize them <3

[itsmaddienotmaddy]

Okay. I’m gonna do this thing ONE MORE TIME.

US v. Argentina

Let me start by saying, I think the team was FANTASTIC. Really proud of all the girlies.

Jane - another cap, another uneventful game for her in. Still, good experience, good distribution. That’s all I got!

Becky - maybe should have been allowed a break lol. Her energy after that head clash was “I’m getting too old for this shit.” She is NOT, I want Captain Becky forever, but it was still the vibe. She was getting up a lot more, Becky goal 2021 plz. Her defensive tackle win that started the run to Alex’s goal was beautiful.

Baby T - incredible. Amazing. I MISSED her. I feel like everyone always talks about needing versatility on the back line (myself included) and Tierna falls into the category of one who can slide around. She was confident on the ball, her passes were strong and she had some great runs and crosses when her and Sonnett swapped for a few!

Casey - so so so good. She’s been out of the rotation for a bit so I think I kind of forgot. But she did excellent. Her offensive work was strong, her defensive work was strong, her assist to Kristie was perfect. Glad she got 45 today!!

Midge - came out with some FIRE. She was not getting beat to a ball, she was not getting beat in a run. Her offensive runs were smooth af. Crosses didn’t get off as well, but that’s okay. Making a case for herself, no doubt. Very happy she did not PERISH getting sandwiched near the end.

Kelley - she knew she only had thirty minutes and she used them! Obviously not a huge chunk of time but her crosses. Are. So. Fucking. Good. The way she sets herself up for them, gets open. Big fan of it. Hopefully Miss Glass Bones can keep herself HEALTHY

Sonnett - right back, left back. Center back for a couple minutes. WHEREVER. I thought she did great tonight. She caught so much fucking flack for her performance against Brazil which was.. rude. Watching the game a second time, she actually did decently well with the load she was given. And this game! Took a moment to get in with the flow, but then was awesome. One lil cheeky two hand push in the second half that was ‘not great’ but damn. Slide tackles were on. Defensive headers were strong AF. And when she feels confident, the MOVES. I love it.

JJ - I know she isn’t old at all, but she was also giving, “I am too old for this shit” vibes. Maybe she was a little tired from all the full nineties she’s been playing, who knows. Either way. Miss Consistency always. Her play is just a force to be reckoned with and as my roommate pointed out, she is always so aware at what is going on at all times.

Rose - also knew she was on 45 minutes so just decided to run around crazy (which is a good thing). That energy sparked so much in the first half and she created so many opportunities. And I’m gonna be real, Rose has def been weight lifting, lookin swole, knocking people over. Also want to take a moment to appreciate the full awkwardness that was her accepting the MVP award. Never change bitch.

Kristie - full ninety, full spice, ANOTHER GOAL. God what a woman. For real. She is having a time and I think all of us are here for it. She took a moment to settle into the game, the first chunk of time was a little aimless, and then she snapped into it. She had an assist, she had a goal, she had even MORE opportunities. Her corners were beautiful, such a good weapon to have. And the end, coming to defend Midge from from the linebacker tackle.. I MEAN.

Jaelin - aside from nearly killing Becky, she had an incredible second cap showing. Kid has no fear, tackles were on point. She is going to be so much fun to watch. Love.

Lindsey - after her nice little first half rest, came in ready to GO. She didn’t have to dictate as much in the middle of the field since the game wasn’t as dire. Helped out on the left, the right, set up some beautiful plays and had ONE MORE BEAUTIFUL ASSIST. Her and Christen are on the same wavelength and they’re loving it and I’m loving it, and their hugs are so pure.

Carli - got an assist and a goal. So stat-wise, killing it. Very happy to see her choose to pass that one to Pinoe. Also happy to see her in just one half. Typical dumb shit falling way too much in the box for no reason, but like, she gave the wheels for 45, she’s still out there!

Pinoe - everyone’s favorite purple/pink haired lesbian knows how to score some damn GOALS. She makes it look easy. She’s methodical, she’s precise. We’ll be out there, talking shit on Pinoe not playing defense (which to her credit, she did do a few times today,) not totally on her game. And she senses it and is like, oh. Here .TWO GOALS. Are you not entertained???!! She’s still got it. Just, the best.

Sophia - showed up with the footwork today!! God, her first drive into the box, just gorgeous. Got caught a few times waiting for the ball and didn’t make the step to get her body in front of the defender, but this was her best national team showing thus far. Her assist to Alex was so good. Such smart awareness, the weight on the pass was great. And did it all with 12 pounds of Bubble Yum in her mouth.

Alex - MOM GOAL. She did it for CHARLES. So proud. A little flopsicle for a bit out there. But she did make up for it with some awesome runs, good connections with Christen, and tbh, she almost had at least two more goals. She isn’t quite at the peak of where she was before, but closer and closer.

And then I saved Christen for last because we got a full ninety out of her and she was hilarious to watch. She obviously prefers the left, all of her typical tricks seem to work for her better on that side. We saw it all from her. We saw her get blatantly fouled because no one knows how to stop her and her throwing her hands in the air because that is what she DOES. We got cut moves. We got the zoomies. Set pieces. Corners were meh (but Kristie took over, it’s fine.) We got her yelling in frustration, yelling at the dumbass ref. I mean. The camera person also gifted us with many a close up. AND THEN FINALLY AFTER 100 YEARS, A GAME ENDING GOAL. With her head of all things. Header assists to header goals. Boop to BOOP.

I’m glad Crystal got some well deserved rest, though she was ROBBED from at least contention for MVP. So rude. Lynn and Abby with some well deserved rest as well. I did miss Abby’s diagonal long balls today. They are the best.

Another trophy for the USWNT and a lot of things that make Vlatko’s job VERY FUCKING DIFFICULT. I am sorry to that man.

[fitzefitcher]

honestly i've been seeing bastion as like a Buddhist-ish place with ancient greek aesthetics, bc letting go of your earthly attachments to be enlightened is pretty Buddhist. 'If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill the Buddha. If you meet your father, kill your father.', that kind of thing. i haven't thought of it as a Light place at all, though i can see why others do.

so there's. a lot of things I would like to cover in answering this, and I'm honestly dreading it a little lmao buuuuut I will do the best I can. I have a lot of thoughts about Bastion, and about the Light, so I'm going to take this as an opportunity to explore that. so: content warning for discussion of religion and religious trauma, esp in regards to identity erasure.

full disclosure: I'm an american queer that was raised roman catholic (specifically, roman catholic within the confines of a heavily irish-italian community) and currently identify more as like. an agnostic apostate, would be the closest thing to describe it, I think. generally, while I'm not really crazy about organized religion as a massive institution capable of doing absolutely wretched things to the people it alleges to helping (and by no means am suffering under the delusion that it hasn't and won't continue to do these things so long as oppressive systems of power are in place, just like it would be in any other area, not just religion), I also acknowledge that there's a lot of good in it, too, and it's the cornerstone of many people's community, culture, and identity. ultimately, my opinion is that religion is a tool, and whoever's holding that tool decides its purpose and intention. it's. a complicated matter lmao.

I'm not going to pretend I'm an expert on buddhism, here. obviously this was not the religion (or any of the many cultures its beliefs are centered in) I was raised as, and honestly even the research I've done for this feels like it's barely scratching the surface. so, rather than try and argue or explain something that is really out of the realm of what I'm familiar with or have experience with (esp. something that's not really mine to claim), I will try and explain things from my own experience as a queer AFAB person raised as roman catholic. and speaking from that perspective, it is very incredibly obvious to me how much of bastion was lifted from christian theology. not just the aesthetics of it, all of the weird identity conformity shit, too. the way that kyrian ideology is being used here, is as a tool to enforce this conformity.

same with how the Light as a concept has been developed in recent years- there are no longer any significant differences between the way individual factions use and interact with the light, even though as cultures their views on it should be radically different, or at least different enough that they don't feel like homogenized versions of each other. like, there's no real difference between how the humans view the Light, and how dwarves view the light, and how gnomes view the Light, and it doesn't really feel like there ever was. Nelves' view on it used to be characterized pretty strongly and differently, as did trolls and draenei, but the longer the years go on, the more that they sort of blend together. to get back to your statement, "I haven't thought of it as a Light place at all," I find that very difficult to parse as a statement, as Bastion as a whole has been developed from base concepts of the Light. Like, Kyrians were designed from spirit healers, spirit healers are now confirmed to be Kyrians (for some reason), and all of the aesthetics of their magic, their clothing, their environment are all heavily priest, paladin, and light-inspired. everything is golds and marbles and sky blues, when they become "corrupted," they suddenly become shadow-themed, like all greys and blacks and purples, their wings turn black, etc. but the similarities, and all their short-comings, go much farther than that.

so the general story thread of each area of the shadowlands in this expansion is that things aren't as they seem, right? that their individual systems are beginning to fall to internal corruption and are crumbling under their own weight. and we see this in each of the trailers- the houses of maldraxxus are starting to eat each other, ardenweald is slowly starving to death, revendreth's citizens are being choked with heavy demands from the aristocracy, and bastion is struggling to adjust in the face of new, unprecedented problems, unwilling to change their ways, even when it's explicitly obvious how badly they need to change. like, I've talked about this a little bit before- the trailer and the way it's structured led me to believe that we, the players, are meant to be hanging out with Devos and Uther, trying to help them convince Devos' boss that very obvious bad thing that's happening, is happening. And this is about how it goes for the other trailers- we learn about the betrayal of Draka's house in maldraxxus, and the maldraxxus storyline is centered on helping her figure out what happened and pick up the pieces. We learn about Ardenweald's rapidly shrinking resources and dying environment, and the ardenweald storyline is centered on figuring out what the cause of this famine is. We learn about Revendreth's aristocracy and how they're demanding more and more of the common people, and the revendreth storyline is centered on overthrowing the increasingly tyrannical cruelty of their current leaders and helping the common people, with the help of a leader favored by the common people. And I feel like, given the state of things, and how the IRL world as a whole has been going the past couple years, helping Devos and Uther get to the bottom of this, maybe even helping Bastion adjust and change in the face of these new challenges, would have been a very good, insightful storyline, and very appropriate for the times we're in.

This, clearly, is not what happened lmao. Whether or not they'll decide to develop bastion further, at least in terms of addressing its failings with its own people, is up for debate, but based on WoW's previous history of similar stories, I'm not very confident lmao.

so I will touch on that statement of bastion being a "buddhist-like place" for a moment, I did look into buddhism a bit, and while I very quickly realized that there wasn't really a way that I could discuss this at length in a way that's fair (esp. with how many variations and cultures there are centered around it, again, I am not an expert, I am doing the best I can with the information I have), the very very bare bones basics of buddhism that I can find more or less boil down to, yes, letting go of earthly attachments to attain enlightenment. but this is not really a nuanced assessment of buddhism, and tbh, isn't really the goal of the kyrians' purification rituals. sure, at first glance, it seems to line up- shedding the burdens of their mortal lives in order to achieve ascension- but ascension here, is not enlightenment. buddhist enlightenment, from what I can find, seems to be the act of breaking free from the cycle of death and rebirth and from mortal suffering. kyrian ascension is the act of, not breaking free of that cycle, but tying yourself to it for an eternity of service. and living your life (even  an eternal one- especially an eternal one) in the service of others is a really strongly christian concept. and the kyrian's concept of virtues only strengthens this. the fact that kyrians have virtues at all is heavily christian-coded, and on top of that, the virtues they have feel like they've been lifted directly from christian beliefs. also like. they're literal fucking angels, trying to earn their wings. like. there's not much else I can think of that's that heavy-handed lmao.

let's talk more about those virtues, though.

the kyrian virtues are as follows: purity, humility, courage, wisdom, and loyalty. There are a number of variations on christian virtues, but here are two of the main sets: one set lines up as the ideological opposite to the seven capital sins (or seven deadly sins if you're an FMA fan lmao), and the other is more-or-less what is accepted in contemporary belief. This is what I was taught in sunday school/CCD, so this is what I'm a little more familiar with.

so set 1, the heavenly virtues, are: chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility, and set 2, the contemporary virtues, are split further into 2 groups: the cardinal virtues, prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance, and the theological virtues, charity, hope, and faith.

So humility, courage, and wisdom, are pretty straight-forward in terms of what they represent, and line up pretty neatly with humility (lol) from the heavenly virtues, and fortitude and prudence from the contemporary virtues. To touch on those briefly, humility is exactly what it says on the tin, and acts as an ideological opposite to the capital sin of pride, fortitude is bravery and endurance as well as patience, and prudence is reason and self-discipline, esp in terms of handling yourself and how you interact with others. And these are perfectly fine as principles. the ones that set off alarm bells for me, though, are loyalty and purity.

as kyrian virtues, they don't really line up to any christian virtues from either set. but tbh, this is beside the point- the fact that purity and loyalty are considered virtues, at all, especially in combination with each other, at best feel very suspicious, and at worst openly hostile. and the way this is covered in game only enforces this. purity is only obtained by sloughing off pieces of yourself that the kyrians consider obstructive to your ascension and how you can serve the Purpose, and questioning this or any other aspect of their ascension ritual gets you sent to the temple of loyalty to, ostensibly, stay there until you Get Your Priorities Straightened Out lmao. Like, there's no exploration of why these purity rituals are being questioned to begin with, there's no examination of why the rituals are necessary to begin with, and seemingly, prospective kyrians are punished for even asking. like, for a faction that seemingly prides itself on helping their members becoming their best selves, it feels strange that the reaction to their unsure members is punitive instead of therapeutic.

at this point, the link between the kyrians' beliefs and christianity should be readily apparent. it's no secret that over the centuries, christianity has used as a tool for oppressive systems to dominate marginalized groups, both within its ingroup and without. "purity" in christianity is less a virtue and more a heavily enforced, wildly contradictory idea, hiding itself in mealy-mouthed platitudes about being a Good Person or Becoming Your Best Self while simultaneously, stringently punishing its own members for daring to step a toe out of an extremely arbitrary line. like, I remember going to church growing up, and in the same breath that the head priest said to pray for various members of the community (thoughts and prayers, lmao), pray for [insert local sports team here] to win for their upcoming game, he also said that yes, democrats are corrupting the country. yes, homosexuals are going to hell. mass was an exercise in enduring misery most of the time, and a big reason I stayed closeted from my family for the majority of my life is because of this, and I still am, in many ways. I still have to divvy myself up in bits and pieces to become Socially Acceptable enough to appease my extended family, and there are certain family members that I will go to my grave never having come out to them, because I know they will never accept me for who I am, truly. so to have purity be a kyrian virtue with no further examination, no trace of irony, and to have loyalty as a virtue to back it up, feels, at best, extremely tone-deaf.

when you quest alongside kleia and pelagos, you see these purity rituals, and you see how large a toll they take on them. you see pelagos struggle, and you as the player help him overcome the difficulties he faces- difficulties he could not overcome himself. you see kleia, over time, becoming more and more disgruntled with bastion's governing body as a whole, and finding more and more cracks in the kyrians' concept of purity. but no lessons are learned, from either of these. nothing is examined further, and I have doubts that it ever will.

you, the player, see other kyrians, who previously were orcs, tauren, trolls, draenei, all these non-humans, being stripped of their identity, ostensibly for the reason that it will make them more just and fair a judge, a concept that rapidly falls apart the longer you look at it. the idea of all these sentient creatures from all these walks of life, particularly the ones heavily coded as BIPOC, are to be stripped of their cultural identity and made into Homogenous Standard (white-coded) Blue Human is so intrinsically malicious that it is genuinely baffling that it was even seriously considered as an idea, let alone greenlit and put into the game. prospective mortals are scouted to be kyrians theoretically for the lives they lived in service of others, in justice and kindness and wisdom, and then they are made to give up more and more pieces of those lives, rendering whatever they've learned, whatever experiences they've gained, that made them this person that the kyrians sought out in the first place, an utterly pointless and redundant endeavor. things like kindness, wisdom, courage, are not inherent qualities. They are things that have to be learned. They are things in which the context of them is paramount to how they will be measured. So to say that it is Necessary to do this, to make them Fairer, to make them More Just, feels both stunningly nonsensical and just pointlessly, nihilistically mean.

so what does this have to do with the Light?

well, in recent years, it seems to be steering more and more towards the idea that only correct religion within WoW is the Light, and there's only One Way to be Light. Early on in WoW's development, it was established that yeah, shadow has a bit of a reputation and can certainly be misused, but nobody's arguing that the Light can be misused, too, and that neither shadow nor light are inherently good nor inherently evil- they just Are, and each serve their own purpose in this world and its way of things. I had written a post about this like. several years ago, and a lot of it hasn't aged very well (I will not link to it bc woof, it was Pretty Rough to look at again after seven years lmao), but the gist of it was that Light and Shadow, are less like good and evil, and more like the Force from star wars. Well, a more nuanced force- again, Light is not Strictly Good, Shadow is not Strictly Evil. They are merely opposite sides of the same spectrum, but they are not inherently antithetical to each other. It was less a religion/belief system with an established deity, and more just reverence for the universe and its workings as a whole. Yes, it has the markers and drapings of christianity, particularly in its aesthetics, but the actual belief system didn't really lift anything from any particular christian belief system, and didn't really match up to any one of them, besides, again, the aesthetic of it. The Light now, however- now it does have a lot in common with christian beliefs. or at least, it and the church of the light have a lot in common with the mentality of those with strong christian beliefs. Which is to say, again, there is only one Correct Religion, and it's Light, and there's only One Correct Way to be Light. other religions within wow are either condemned, painted as savage, violent, heretical, or watered down so much that they either don't matter or function as mere Extensions to the light.

last summer, when I was reading the "before the storm" novel as research for my sylvanas essay, one of the many, many things that made it a difficult read was how like. unintentionally, thoughtlessly intolerant Golden had written it. Anduin, one of the main characters in it, despite having a history of kindness, compassion, curiosity, and understanding, is kind of shunted into being a 1-dimensional Good Christian Boy(tm). Like, he struggles with interacting with the forsaken, despite them having been in existence for over a decade at this point, and more than half his lifetime, and despite having dealt with them before, and orcs, and tauren, and a great number of other non-human creatures, while still treating them with grace and dignity, and respecting their perspectives, experiences, and beliefs. like, he's painted as thinking that the netherlight temple would be an alliance-only, church of the holy light only affair, and is really surprised, even stunned, at the thought of having to interact with non-alliance, non-light priests. and something that really really stuck with me while reading this, was that Anduin, this compassionate, intelligent, understanding person, could only learn to interact with priests of other factions and species, despite having already done this before, many, many times in his life, on the basis that They, Too, Are Servants Of The Light. and there's just. no examination in this. no irony. Light is Right, Others are Not. No lessons were learned.

[alias-b]

Idk if you're done this already but you did it for your other couples, can we get a nsfw alphabet for Billy and Evie? Pretty pretty please💘

Oh my gosh!! You’re right, I haven’t done one for them!! Well let’s fix that right now, shall we?? And I’ll try to make it different from the Billy/Cam one but Billy is still Billy lol Okay! So here goes.

Dirty Alphabet for Billy Hargrove and Evie Fenny! My lovely plus size oc xoxo Thank you so much for asking!! 📌💝🍓💝

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

   Evie isn’t used to being touched so abrasively and Billy is the overstimulation king!! She might get a little shy in the lazy post-sex haze as everything sets in, but they’ll sorta of curl into each other and cling bc they’re both super overwhelmed and unable to look at each other sometimes.

   She tries to hold Billy a lot and it takes him some getting used to bc he’s conditioned to sexual and violent touch only. Billy is a Super Tease and will run his fingertips and mouth over her skin bc his girl is Extra Sensitive and he loves the way she whines and shivers and squirms. Chances are he’ll try to initiate another round.😘

   After being together a bit, it’ll be easier to deal with all the emotions and spoon afterward tho! Evie will start to cover his face, neck, and chest in kisses and he��ll mirror it until they’re twisting together and curling up to sleep. Stage five clingers.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

   Evie’s been caught staring at Billy’s muscled thighs....a lot. So LOWKEY them. She loooooooves to straddle his big hard thigh and maybe ride it during make outs. He’s all encouragement. Also his hands are to DIE for and his sensitive neck. Prime kissy places for Evie to ravish him and it always catches him off guard.

   Billy actually has trouble choosing as he gets to know her body, he loves to just look at her and run his hands along all her soft curves and make her feel like a goddess bc she deserves it. As much as he loves being flashed, Billy is a hips/ass guy. Loves to grab her and dig his fingers into her skin and position her however he likes. Loves to also rest his cheek on her inner thigh when he’s teasing as they’re lying together. Also likes to spank and pinch her tushy anytime he likes. Esp in public she she gets all squealy and red in the cheeks.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

   Billy is so gross. We’ll start there.

   Boy will cum on her tits and lick it off and massage her flesh and gather it to make her suck it off his fingers too. He’ll eat her out after coming inside her and let her p much spit into his mouth after she blows him.

He does not give a Fuck. Also seeing his cum leak out of her when she’s all fucked out and wet and puffy...that’s hot. He will cum on anything and he wants to blow his load on her tits so bad. He also doesn’t like to wash his hands after fingering her and will spend time after just licking his digits clean. He grOSS.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

  Evie thinks about Billy fucking her in public places a lot when they’re out and about and she will NEVER admit to how much she thinks about sex with him even in their early days when they quarreled lol

   Billy doesn’t keep a lot of dirty secrets bc he’s just gonna tell Evie his every depraved thought. But!! He wants to make nasty porn with her so bad. Photos esp so he can keep her in a little box in his dresser maybe with something she wore once that was lacy. He wants pics of her in lingerie. Naked. Spread. Fucked. Every which way. The boy will pay for it.

   ***Also.....he has a couple explicit fantasies he doesn’t share.... One having to do with just gross “i caught you, now I get to fuck you as hard as I want” sex between them. Another and the bigger one...I think he fantasized once about her pegging him.....and being dominating him super hard by Evie. He wants to be bratty af and have her to step on him basically.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

   Billy has Mucho Experience. Almost too much to the point of he has to work harder to figure out what Evie likes and get out of his head lmao Evie has had a few past relationships and she likes sex and is getting more comfortable with it so there isn’t a huge difference!!

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

   Billy likes to be on top bc he’s such a show off. He doesn’t know this about Evie yet but....she also wants to be on top bc she’s a control freak. So that’ll be funny when they actually get down to bizness. But, I think Billy later learns quick that watching her ride him is so hot. Gripping her hips and bucking to meet her and sitting up to bit her neck or suck titty. Ooohh, he’ll adore it.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

   They laugh a lot!! In heated moments of emotion, they’ll go quiet and serious, but Billy and Evie both like to have fun during sex. They like to joke and roll around. Billy is a pornstar who NEVER shuts up so he’s spinning dirty lines and she’ll roast him for it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

   Carpet and drapes match! Billy is expertly groomed and trimmed nicely. He looked pretty and golden and immaculate down there. Annoying. Evie actually does some trimming and what not to look cleaner down there, but she’s hairier than him and he doesn’t mind! They’re both all about hygiene and perfumes and lotions and oils so they’re p fresh all the time. Although, I’m p sure Evie will complain when she blows him and tastes his cologne and tells him to ease up on that lmao

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

   Billy is superrr into body worship which just gives Evie crazy whiplash. He takes time to marvel at her and appreciate her and she’s NOT used to that and gets super blushy and almost can’t look at him. Being a bigger girl, she’s still on that self comfort journey and he’s happy to assist! He’s super grabby and touchy and they both are all about kissing everywhereee.

   On Evie’s end, she gets so soft with him and he’s overwhelmed a lot by that. Her kissing his wrists and cheeks and holding him. Massaging him and running her fingers down his back. Billy really needs time to get used to it and she’s fine with that.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

   Hell yeah. They actually love to watch each other get off. Phone sex was the tip of the iceberg. Although, Billy does say that if he had it his way, she wouldn’t get herself off and instead she’d come to him and let him make her come when she wants it. Possessive boi.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

   It startles her at first, but Evie looooves when Billy picks her up and drags her all over the bed. She didn’t think he could and he took that as a dare to heart and he lifts more and she feels his muscles BULGE and loves it. Watching him work out super turns her on and they usually end up having gross sex before he can finish if she’s there to watch. Which Billy loves being watched by her xx He’s gonna eat her out on that weight bench too, mark my words.

   He also, as mentioned before, has a Super praise kink. He’s goal is to make Evie louder in bed. He wants her to talk too & maybe order him around a bit. He loves being on his knees, pushing her skirt up, holding her thighs in place before he starts to teasingly eat her while she still as her panties on. Also bonus points if they’re being sexual and teasy in a public or semi public spot.

   Also Billy wants to fuck her tits so bad. I said it sorta before, but I’m saying it againnnn.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

   Billy: Anywhere. Literally anywhere. I don’t give a Fuck. 💦

   Evie gets more adventurous with him, but she likes just being in an empty house so they can be loud. Lowkey, I think Billy enjoys the thrill of someone being home bc it’s cute watching Evie try to be quiet while he pleasures her. He might help her out by stuffing his fingers in her mouth *wink wink*

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

   Billy is always revved up tbh. Seeing Evie do anything, he can make it sexual. It’s the Brain Sex Rot. Evie starts to feel it in the air if he keeps just looking intently at her. They eye fuck a lot.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

   Evie is okay with being held down but no like ropes or anything. Neither will be spanked by belts. Hands only. Billy will never hit her in the face too and she wouldn’t be into that either. Also Evie’s never ever gonna be into food play, it’d make her wildly uncomfortable.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

   Billy already rubbing his hands together planning his tongue’s assault on Evie’s clit. He is shamelessly and proudly into giving oral and will spend all the time he needs down there making her his. Billy’s “get what he wants move” usually starts with kissing up her thigh and then some. 👅 Finally, for him, he wants Evie to sit on his face so bad, it’ll take some time to get there tho

   Evie mentioned this, but she actually really likes to give skilled head. They both are hair pullers so that works too. xx Evie wants to hold his hips and kiss his pretty thighs and let him fuck her mouth against something. Billy’s so sweet to about it, always making sure she’s comfortable, praising her, and kissing her after with tongue.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

  I think this just depends on the mood!! More likely to be fast and rough. When they get slow and sensual, emotions spike and overwhelm and sometimes that’s just too much to handle.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

   Evie isn’t the biggest fan of quickies bc she likes to be able to relax and clean up properly afterward. Billy disagrees bc he’s a dirty little dick pig and he’ll take her to pound town any hour of the day. 💞

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

   Oh, they deffo will take risks and experiment!! They’re young and horny and super into each other. Go raw.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

   Billy has some wild stamina that Evie doesn’t always match. With his coaxing and encouragement, she might be able to go a couple rounds. But, I think Evie wants like crazy foreplay and then one amazing sex round and then cuddling. Whereas Billy can have his insatiable nights and try to work a couple climaxes out of her. However he wont push and this works out fine bc they can also wake each other up with sex during the night too!! 😉

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

   Evie and Heather deffo bought toys together and used them and called each other after like “girl hfjhkejr!!!” lmao. Billy prefers to just be the toy himself bc of his Boy Pride. I think Spencers will be a fav store of my teens when Starcourt opens....... But, Billy would like to use toys on Evie like he’s performing an exorcism and I mentioned this but......someone peg this bratty boy.....

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

   Billy Hargrove is such a shit. He’s constantly trying to tease is pretty plush gf, but I think he underestimates how hard she can match him so they’ll end the night tearing each other up.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

   Evie always tries not to make too much sound, until Billy makes it his mission to stop all of that. He’s pornographically loud and longs for Evie to match that. If he can get her to cry out while she’s holding back...that makes him V Happy.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

   Evie likes lingerie and cute matching undergarments even if no one sees it. She likes feeling the lace under her clothes and that naughty thrill like she has a secret. She’s a big girl and she dresses for HERSELF. Also, I’ve done this before.....leaving lipstick kisses on Billy’s clothing and skin. He does not try to wash it off lmao he adores being marked by his gf. Lastly, Billy is totally a biter and he wants to sink his teeth into her chest and ass so bad.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

   Imma just leave this here bc Billy is mad fat and he knows it and he walks around like he is so everyone else knows it.

   Evie’s so shy at first with him, bc he looks like Apollo and he hasn’t been with a big girl and she has boobs and tummy and thighs and love handles and she gets worried about angles but Billy is so keen to touch her, that a lot of her fears melt away.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

   Big Huge. They’re nasty. Evie is not exempt from this bc she is as bad as him even if she pretends like she isn’t. Girls can be dick pigs too just as much as boys and she is NOT that stereotype fat girls often get being a super shy virgin type.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

   Unless they’ve been going a long time, they both actually stay up for a bit after. ((I think they both just have sleep issues anyways.)) Either spooning or talking or getting up to finish the day lol but they really enjoy lying there together and fighting to stay awake so they can chat and enjoy each other’s company before falling asleep all cozy and secure. That’s what they really get out of each other is security. 💘💘💘 

**This was so much fun!!! And I’m always happy to take horny asks or requests for Billy & Evie. You never know what I can put into the fic or what I can make a smutty one shot out of. Thank you!!!

[nad-zeta]

Match up! (*^_^*)

Hello! Thank you so much for taking the time to do these. I’d love to get an ikesen match-up please? I’m a 5’8 female (INTJ, scorpio), who’s body type is athletic and curvy. I tend to describe myself as sturdy. I have long brown hair that reaches my tailbone, with several ear piercings. I am currently a Master’s student studying marine biology, but my aspirations go far beyond this. My goal for a career is to be a research and field leader at a research institute studying marine life. I want to spend all my time in the field first hand leading the expeditions. I’m especially drawn to the ocean, coral reefs and killer whales, I most of all want to work in the Antarctic one day. Aside from my love of animals, my interests include learning about science and biology, building and engineering new things, outdoor activities (off-roading, fishing, hiking, camping), sports, and my one creative skill is writing fiction. I’ve been active my whole life and if things had gone a little differently I would have wanted to be a professional athlete. My favorite sports are alpine skiing, scuba diving, ice hockey, running, and underwater hockey. It takes me a long while to open up to people, which means I tend to only have a few close friends. However in the workplace setting I am very confident and I’m not afraid to speak up. I’ve had people tell me that I’m intimidating, and that my presence can have a great influence on the mood of a room/small group. But I’ve also had friends tell me I’m extremely chill, and never make anything a big deal. I see myself as very highly ambitious and the type of person that knows what she wants and how she’s going to get it. I know what I like and dislike, and I’ve grown past the fear of having people dislike me. I’m a pretty independent person. However, when I’m with my friends I am very much a joker, I love to make people laugh, and act silly. With only the closest of friends the chaotic energy comes out lol. My humor can range from immature to pretty dark. But I really need to know the people I’m around first; otherwise I tend to just go back into my shell. I can read people pretty well, which means I’ll usually try to make them feel more comfortable than myself in situations. This has led me to sometimes feel a little put out. I tend to go wherever, whenever I please. If I plan a trip, I’m going for a good time and don’t really need any schedules. I guess to end it all I’d say I’m very much the type of person that sees all the potential the world has, and all the potential I have to make a difference. Yes this can be hard and painstakingly difficult, but I won’t ever stop striving to meet the expectations and standards I place on myself. I will only keep going, learning more skills, going on more adventures, and seeking new horizons. Thanks again for taking the time to do these!! :) Sorry this turned out so long lmaoo - From Admit Terra (The second one running the blog)

Hi, hi, dear! ❤🌻Thank you so much for the request love! 🦊Hehe, you sound like a super cool person, lol master students unite!🙌🌻 Sorry for taking so long with this! Hope you enjoy this, dear, and I hope you have the best day❤😊! @sengoku-revolution​ admin Terra! lol tomorrow i’ll post admin Maru’s matchup!❤🌻

So I match you with…………… Yukimura

You were on campus attending a conference on marine biology that could greatly help you with your masters. The conference was incredibly interesting and ran late, only finishing around 10pm. As you and the other students and professionals in the field of marine biology, exited the giant lecture hall, you looked up at the sky and saw a flash of lightning blazing across the sky. You regretted walking to campus at that the moment, wishing you had rather driven, as you could tell by the heavy sky that soon it was going to rain cats and dogs. You quickly made your way back to the main campus gate, luckily you didn't live to far away. A drop of rain hit your nose and then another. You debated taking shelter from the storm in your department’s computer room, at least then you could chart down all the new knowledge you had gained from the conference. 

That’s when you spotted a fellow post-grad student. You looked up at the sky once more and noticed that the lighting was going to strike the exact spot that the student was standing in. You ran and pushed him out the way. You braced yourself for impact but it never came, instead you started feeling dizzy and disoriented. Reality around you warped in a cloud of smoke. 

When things came back into focus again, you noticed the man in the lab coat was gone, and you were now standing on the balcony of a burning building. You peered through the smoke to see a man peacefully sleeping on the floor. Unaware of the imminent doom of his downfall. You thought you might have been trapped in a dream, but the heat radiating from the flames brought your straight back to reality. Thank goodness for your physical strength, as you easily managed to wake up and carry the man out of the burning building. The man you had saved was incredibly intimidating and had the same look in his eyes that a shark would have right before it attacks, so you decided to bolt. 

You ran and ran and ran through the forest, and soon your feet lost contact with the ground. You looked down and saw that you had almost run yourself off the edge of a cliff. Thanks to Yukimura’s quick reflexes, he managed to grab hold of your waist and save you from running yourself off the mountainside. He still holding onto you, as he took a few steps back to ensure both you were safe before letting go. You stared up at the man in disbelief, just where the hell were you. That’s when a familiar figure caught your attention. The man you had just saved from being hit by lighting! Sasuke took you aside and started to explain the situation to you, you honestly needed to sit down as it was a lot to take in.

Sasuke looked over at a beautiful blond man that reminded you of a snow prince and asked if you could stay with them. The man narrowed his icy eyes at you and gave a quick nod, before climbing on his horse and signaling to the rest of the men that it was time to go. Sasuke helped you up onto the horse, and that is how your new life in Kasugayama started.

You were someone who couldn’t sit still and always need to be doing something, so you opted to help out around the castle to earn your keep. Even though you were a little shy and reserved, you managed to fit right in with the people of Kasugayama. You were a little surprised at the mixed bag of men that you landed up with, as usual, it would take you quite a while to open up and come out of your shell, especially when meeting new people. But for some reason, they seemed to make you feel comfortable, and you found your self coming out of your shell and befriending them pretty quickly. You especially took a liking to Sasuke. 

Sasuke was the one who formally introduced you to his Bff and your rescuer, Yukimura. This boy was definitely rough around the edges and did not have a way with words, unlike his flirty lord.

You were low key thankful for your ability to quickly read and sum up people as you quickly came to realize that Yuki wasn't such a bad guy. Although he seemed to think it funny to call you a wild boar woman. Even though he was slightly awkward with his words, you found yourself strangely attracted to him. He was down to earth and easy to talk to, and you found yourself relaxing around him.

“Hey dummy how many times do I have to tell you I ain’t no wild boar, call me that again and i’ll smack you,” you playfully quipped. Since arriving in the past, you had grown closer and closer to the aloof man. The two of you would banter every time you were together. “Awww common, you are definitely a wild boar, I mean you are just as strong, sturdy and athletic as one.” He would say with that mischievous boyish smile. At that you simply put Yuki in a headlock and started giving him a nuggie. He then started tickling you, which usually ended in a tickling/wrestling match between the two of you. Yuki’s wolf pup would usually get in on these playful fights that the two of you often engage in, and start licking the two of you mercilessly until both, you and Yuki are left laying on the floor breathless from laughter.

You loved that Yuki like you, loved staying active and going on adventures. And TBH Yuki was thrilled that he finally had a friend that he could go on fun adventures with. Sasuke would usually be too busy looking after Kenshin or doing research, to join in on these adventures. Not that either of you minded as you loved hanging out with each other. The second you found out that Yuki would run to stay fit every morning, you were ecstatic and joined him on his morning runs. This boy was shook! He legit has never met a woman that could keep up with him, yet here you were almost outrunning him. After your morning runs the two of you would always get breakfast together before starting your duties for the day! This is something the two of you did and looked forward to, almost every single day.

When the two of you were together, the banter and jokes were real. You loved to be a bit of a joker around Yuki. You honestly adored the way he would laugh with his whole body and go super red all the way to the tips of his ears, whenever you cracked a joke. 

Speaking of laughing, you also had this crazy ability to instantly lift the mood in any room you walked into. Especially when it came to cheering Yuki up. As you see, Yuki has a tendency to take on more responsibility than he can handle and sometimes he gets crushed under the weight of it. But since you arrived, Yuki felt like he could do anything and take on the world cause you were right there by his side making some silly jokes and teaching him not to take things so seriously. You were the one that taught him to take occasional breaks and to relax, and that the world wouldn't fall apart if he wasn't working. 

Lately Yuki had noticed that you were low on energy and not as bright and chaotic as usual. He also noticed that your jokes were a bit more, morbid as of late. He was determined to cheer up his dearest friend, after all, if you were happy then so was he. He stomped his way into your room and saw you sketching something. “Oi, boar woman what’s wrong, and don’t try and lie to me dummy, cause everyone has noticed that you have been down lately.” You looked up at the clumsy man and smiled, telling him it was a long story. He then narrowed his eyes and left it at that, although the picture you were sketching of the ocean certainly didn’t go unnoticed. 

The next morning at the crack of down, Yuki dragged you out of bed to go on an adventure with him. You were super excited, these little adventures weren’t uncommon.  

If the two of you weren’t off hiking up some crazy mountain, or fishing, you were camping with him in enemy territory as he spied on the Oda forces. Of course, it wasn’t all work as the two of you would go wherever the wind took you. Once Yuki was done with his spy work, he would send off his report back to Shingen, leaving the two of you without a strict schedule to follow, with all the time in the world to explore and experience your surroundings.

You noticed that the two of you were heading closer and closer to the ocean. Your eyes glimmered in delight when you realized that the two of you were going to spend the day on the beach. You wasted no time at all, climbing off the horse and running into your beloved ocean. The two of you played in the waves for hours on end. At some point, Yuki even fished out and handed you a pair of makeshift scuba diving gear. After a long day of playing in the waves and observing the ocean life in the crystal clear water, you and Yuki sat on the beach and watched the sunset. “Hey dummy sit in front of me, I’ll dry your hair for you. Can’t have you getting sick,” you wouldn’t usually let someone dry your hair for you. Still, he looked so cute with that blush spreading across his face, that you couldn’t help but comply. As Yuki dried your long beautiful hair, the two of you started talking. 

You thanked Yuki for taking you on this fun breach adventure and told him all about your dream of becoming a field leader at a research institute studying marine life, as well as wanting to be the one leading the field expeditions. To say Yuki didn’t know anything about marine life would be an understatement, but the way you passionately talked about your dreams and ambitions had him straight up inspired. You told him all about how you were drawn to the ocean and coral reefs and that you wanted to work in Antarctica one day. He never told you this, but as you talked about your dreams of travel and research, he couldn’t help but make a silent vow in his heart to do whatever it takes to support and make your dreams come true.

In the weeks to follow you and Yuki spent more and more time together. Yuki was falling deeper and deeper in love with you, every moment the two of you spent together, and he was determined to tell you how he felt. 

The weather started getting colder and colder, and soon it started snowing. He remembered from previous conversations that you loved ice hockey and alpine skiing (not that he knew what any of that meant). Hence, he decided to ask Sasuke for help in gathering everything he needed so that the two of you could play your favourite sports together. He had all his friends dress up and had Sasuke teach them all the rules of ice hockey. When all his friends were in position, he went to your room and said he had a surprise for you. He then put a blindfold over your eyes and led you downstairs. When he removed the blindfold all your Kasugayama friends stood before you, each holding up a letter that combined spelled out, “I Love you.” You were so happy and touched by the gesture that you couldn’t help but grab Yuki and plant a kiss on his lips right in front of all your friends. Cheers erupted as Yuki grabbed your hand, as you parted and led you onto the makeshift ice hockey-field. 

The next day Yuki surprised you with alpine skiing down a mountainside. You honestly loved this goofball so much, and you couldn’t help but smile and shower his face with kisses whenever he would surprise you with your favourite activities.

Yuki honestly loved and adored everything about you from your chilled personality to your ability to brighten any-room you walk in. In between the war and battles, Yuki was always sure to make time to go on fun, crazy adventures with you, to explore new horizons. After he and Shingen finally managed to win back their homeland, ultimately achieving Yuki’s childhood dream. Yuki had one more surprise for you, and that was a trip back to the future so you could pursue your dreams. 

The two of you travelled around the modern world, and you achieved your dream of leading research and travelling to Antarctica. And Yuki was right by your side through it all, supporting you the best he could. 

Often the two of you cuties could be found on some crazy adventure, cuddled in each other’s arms and enjoying making new memories and living through new experiences together.

If the two of you aren’t being active and playing sports, you are spending a quiet evening at home watching tv and resting in each other’s arms. 

Yuki loves holding you tight in his arms as he pulls his finger through those long beautiful locks. He loves to nuzzle his nose into your neck and leave sweet little kisses on your neck and cheeks as you read your newest piece of fiction to him. 

Together the two of you continue to learn and grow while making the world a better place.

Other potential matches……………. Masamune 

I hope you enjoyed this dear and I hope you have the best day! ❤🌻🙌

[ithisatanytime]

Vegetables are fucking bullshit. im not gonna proofread this, but if you want to lose weight this is literally the only thing besides surgery that will work and its not even hard at all i promise, this was not inspired by me being disgusted with fat women, as everybody knows im down with the thickness. not fat though, there is a wider range for men then women believe, but i guess they are mostly just trying to compete with each other (i dont actually believe this for a second, it is for men its just a subconscious instinct, manifesting consciously as a desire to compete or look good) i added this long as disclaimer because this is a lifelong interest of mine, i always talk about it, but i dont want some poor girl to read it and think i want her to go on a diet you are beautiful just as you are, but at the same time i didnt want past relationship girls to see me saying i was down with the thickness and think they were heavy, only one was heavy

  Dont get me wrong, i like vegetables, but they are honest to god a fucking scam. vegetables are CHEAP, especially grains and cerials, to be honest grains are less bullshit than leafy greens, but they are still kind of bullshit. you are made of fucking meat, thats what you are, all the stuff you need or pretty damn close, is found in meat, vegetables are mostly insoluble fiber, very low in calories, which despite what you have been led to believe is not a good thing. its nice to have a little roughage in your diet, but the idea that we should be eating primarily plant based food is fucking insane, and i suspect is a result of the sugar companies years long propaganda campaign against fat. for years they funded studies claming dietary fat or cholesterol caused fat to accumulate on the body, and cholesterol in the arteries, we have known since the seventies that these claims were false, but the propaganda campaign was so extensive, even doctors commonly fuck this up. you cant digest plants on your own, you need to recruit gut bacteria to ferment it in your bowels, in other words it rots in your guts making you bloated and gassy, all for just a tiny bit of calories, its ASS, because no one can live that way, your diet is failing because you arent eating enough meat. meat is food, its real food. no fucking animal would go through the trouble of evolving the necessary intelligence and hardware needed to have to KILL every single meal, if it wasnt so much better than the fucking grass and leaves that are everywhere, and grass is much easier to catch and kill than a gazelle,so why bother? because the gazelle is food, its made of the same building blocks you are, you are made of meat.

   Meat is much more readily digested in your body than plant matter, people think that meat constipates you and ive seen people say it sits in your gut for years, the opposite is true, meat is digested quickly and efficiently leaving behind almost no waste material whatsoever, meaning you arent pooping because you arent making poop, meat is digested almost completely where as plant matter is filled with fiber which passes through either completely unchanged or only mildly changed into a gel like substance in the case of soluble fiber.  but heres the real MEAT of this post (heh) fats and proteins from animal sources (meat) are far more satiating than carbs from plants, meaning a hundred calories of animal fats and’/proteins will keep you full for longer, than a hundred calories of carbs, and i can prove it, a boneless skinless chicken breast has 284 calories (very little fat but high in protein) thats less total calories than two cans of mountain dew, how long do you think you could last after eating a chicken breast vs drinking two mountain dews? there are 250 calories in a new york strip steak, thats less than two potatoes, i bet you could last all day if you ate a new york strip steak for breakfast, a potato and a half without butter or anything? you would crash by noon.

 Vitamins are fucking bullshit. as long as you get micronutrients into your body at some point, meaning you arent a third worlder who eats nothing but one kind of cheap food, you are getting vitamins, all of them, most of them and guess what, meat has literally all of the required vitamins your body needs in abundance, so long as you occasionally eat liver. but it hardly fucking matters, almost no one in the first world is seriously deficient in micronutrients (the vitamin d thing is bullshit, they miscalculated the requirements or there is some racial factor they refuse to aknowlege, because if fucking everyone is d3 deficient and doing just fine, then no one is. also d3 is found ONLY in animals, not in plants) its all about macro-nutrients FAT PROTEIN carbs, you are eating too much carbs, if you try to stop eating so much carbs you are going to fuck it up, i promise you, your body keeps track EVERY DAY, trying to maintain homeostasis, you will take one extra bite, you will measure your portions wrong, you will eat a whole goddamn cake because you are starving, your body is better at counting calories than you will ever be. so heres what you do, DONT TRY, if you have to try you will fail, you are working too goddamn hard, be realistic with yourself, a temporary diet is actually fucking meaningless, diets are for life. you cant sustain that horrible dumb ass bulshit girl magazines are trying to make you live on, NO ONE CAN, less than 6 percent of people who have lost significant amounts of weight will keep the weight off after a year. who the fuck knows after that as well, other than its certainly less than six percent. i am giving you the cheat code right now, all you have to do is take my word for it, do i seem like i spent years obsessing over this shit? because i have, heres the secret. all you have to do, nothing more, if you try to do more you are fucking up! all you have to do, is take your body weight, divide it by two, and try to get that many grams of protein per day, like your life depended on it, preferably from MEAT. preferably with fat! but honestly i dont fucking care. tbh if you are a girl, id shoot four 40-50 grams everyday, and heres the thing, please! do not go for lowfat, lean meats. you want meat with fat on it, preferably unprocessed, you can still eat hamburgers and sausages but dont make them the center piece of your diet, because they actually add fats in as part of the processing, you can stil leat it though, if you try to get your 40 grams of protein from lean meat like chicken breast alone, you will go crazy and quit, or you will just eat a bunch of carbs to make up for it. again, you want fat and protein. if for the next two months, you made it your goal to eat whatever the fuck you wanted (this is important) so long as you got 40 grams of protein a day, preferably from animal sources, preferably with fat, i promise you, not only will you lose weight like fucking crazy, but it wont even be hard at all, you will feel like you are fucking gorging yourself while slowly getting hotter. that being said, to us men, being hyper thin is not really all its cracked up to be, thats gay fashion designer shit, we like women to be soft, to contrast are hard muscular bodies.

[astrologysvt]

Chart First Impressions - Minghao

For more SVT astrology posts, follow my blog! Check out my masterlist to see all the readings I’ve done so far and what I’ve got coming up! 💫

This is just a very general reading of the member’s charts — the parts that popped out to me, things I personally liked, things I thought were interesting or contrary to the image I have of them. I’m not looking at anything in particular with each reading. Some of their readings may be more aspect focused, where some may just focus solely on their personal planets and their signs. If you have any questions on specific aspects or want to request a more specific reading, feel free to send me an ask!

we really be out here looking for water crumbs over here. 

minghao is 1 of 2 whole water signs in seventeen, can you believe it? 

(jihoon sits in purgatory when it comes to statistics until he decides to give us his birth time). 

this is our last water sun chart first impressions, thank you for joining me on this journey i hope you like air, fire, earth cuz otherwise you’re out of luck.

but wowie a scorpio

he’s got both his sun and mercury in scorpio.

scorpio is one of the most misunderstood signs in my honest opinion. 

they’re inherently contradictory because they can be sneaky, calculated and all that scary scorpio hooplah.

but if you’ve got a scorpio in your corner they’ll literally die before they let you down, and can be martyrs in a sense? not to the point a pisces would be, but if it came down to it, they’d put themselves in the line of fire before they even let their loved ones NEAR IT. 

they’re the types to suffer a lot for the sake of the people they care about, and never tell them because they understand the emotional weight it may have on them. 

so even if there are actual problems, they don’t want the others to see it at all because they don’t to give them even an ounce of that burden.

they do have a sense of secrecy and with that comes this vibe that they’ve got a hidden agenda. 

and honestly they probably do??? and that’s not necessarily a bad thing if they’re well-developed.

they have these “hidden agendas” not because they set out to be sneaky or secretive, but because they’re so goal oriented, persistent, and determined. 

everything they do, they see how it traces back to their ultimate goal and are constantly chipping away at it and keeping an eye out for opportunities.

may it be professionally, socially, personally -- whatever goal it is, they do not put forth any ancillary effort. if they’re doing it, it’s with purpose. 

so it may seem superficial and manipulative for them to have these agendas in the forefront of their minds, but that doesn’t negate the sincerity that they live their lives by. 

the goals are obviously always there, but if you’re sitting face-to-face with a scorpio you’re getting the real deal. they are there, they are present, and they’re not about to waste your time. 

there is something about them that sincerely requires a great deal of trust for you to truly vibe with them. 

they feel connected with people when there is a level of assumption in their positive intentions, or a level of trust being put in their competence. 

and this is something well-developed scorpios OBSESS OVER. 

they are absolutely terrified of dropping the ball for the people they care about. 

if they DO manage to drop the ball, it’s a good thing to just not harp on it as they probably have the whole situation mapped out and where they messed up, why, and how they could have done it better. not to mention how upset with themselves they’d feel. 

they’re so protective. 

i love seeing a scorpio click into action. 

if they catch wind about someone saying something mean or doing something questionable to someone they care about -- they instantly start studying them. 

to check if they’re okay, for one, but it’s also because they’re calculating their plan of attack.

out of nowhere, you just start getting questions “what did they say? what’s their name? when did they say that?” 

they’re getting ready to POUNCE my dude. 

and that’s the ultimate sign of scorpio love. 

they feel as though someone truly understands them when they acknowledge what’s underneath their cold and intense aura, and trusts that they mean well. 

(i say cold and intense as a generalization, tho do not get me wrong, scorpios can be super fuzzy people) 

not only that, but because they are so goal oriented, they really like feeling as though their loved ones will continue to understand and support them even if their attention can get pretty tunnel visioned. 

it’s very similar to how earth signs are these very consistent, reliable people. they like being someone their loved ones can trust and it’s very clear in their intentions. 

where they differ from scorpios is that earth signs go about this by trying to bring stability to (or in the face of) turbulence. 

scorpio, on the other hand, is already an incredibly dynamic and turbulent sign in and of themselves. 

they are aware of this and do not try and fight it as they see it as a part of their inherent nature, maybe even one of their strengths. 

scorpio is the sign of transformation, and natives with this sign are constantly in a state of flux. 

what’s so fixed about them is their values. 

it’s the integrity they go about things that remains the same regardless of the circumstances. 

this is why undeveloped scorpios can be so toxic and manipulative, as they have yet to find that stabilizing factor in their values that prevents them from feeling that sense of security they need in what can feel like tidal wave after tidal wave of change. 

change can be scary when you are a fixed sign like scorpio, and without having that surety of “okay, no matter what happens i know i can do this” that a scorpio craves, it really creates a great deal of unrest in them. 

it’s those values, too, that prevent well-developed scorpios from being those “the end justify the means” type of people, as scorpios can be pretty unrelenting in their pursuit of their wants/goals.

without those inherent values, they can be pretty cutthroat.

then you have his aqua moon. 

if you thought a scorpio’s sense of social and emotional responsibility was strong already, you add in this aqua moon and those principles are reinforced tenfold. 

they’ve got such a strong sense of ethics and morals. 

his humanitarian aqua influence makes it that he wont stand for any type of injustice, and isn’t afraid to put himself in the line of fire for what he considers unfair. 

but having an aqua moon in someone with a scorpio sun is a very odd combo. 

scorpios are one of the most intuitive signs of astrology, they’re so analytic and discerning, but they go about it in such a fluid way. 

minghao is literally able to feel the rippling of energy the moment someone walks in (as dramatic as that sounds, lmao). 

this is why you trust scorpios if they have a bad feeling about something, because they’re so capable of reading people and do it in such a seamless way.  

but scorpios with aqua influences kind of struggle in fully grasping their intuition. 

they more or less refuse to be vague about these things. 

if they can’t pin down their hunches to a specific reason, their logical side kicks in and tells them they’re probably making it up. 

at the same time, he is an incredibly observant person thanks to this aqua influence.

he has this crazy database in his head for every single person he’s met, the things they said, their word choice, the possible connotations/agendas. he takes careful note of the things that annoyed them, signs that they’re in a good mood, etc. etc.

literally after a day of meeting him, he can probs list off a few of those things about you if you asked. 

this is also why he is such a chill guy. 

his calm outward appearance taking account for the large portion of his brain that is being used for observation. 

he can get tired being around high-energy people for very long.

needs his alone time, 100% has lone wolf tendencies. 

he’s really just such a stand up guy, so unique and is such a pioneer for his own values, morals, style, and mind. 

his scorpio mercury is sextile his aqua uranus and cap neptune. 

he is very creative, imaginative, yet capable thanks to that cap neptune and venus. 

if he weren’t an idol he’d 100% be an artist, maybe fashion designer -- something he could potential enterprise while also allowing him access to a very clear and vast outlet for his avant garde expression. 

so so so unique, his aqua influence is very strong which is why he is so experimental with his fashion and so unapologetic. 

his sag mars means he’s got a vast array of interests and goes about pursuing them with gusto. 

he wants to get his hands on everything.

that aqua innovation, cap aspirations, and scorpio determination means he really wants to put his creative signature on the world. 

he honestly would more than likely never tell people his exact goals as he wants to remain limitless in his opportunities. 

and tbh his more practical influences like cap and scorpio would probably tell him he’s being silly for having such big dreams and to get to work before he starts telling people about them.

(even tho he’s got all the willpower and creativity to achieve those great things).  

definitely a super powerful chart, i can’t say it enough.