#My dream isn't to share a different-looking body. I'd really love my own

[niimda]

I've been following some of those plural poll blogs for a little while now. I think it's fun to answer questions, especially ones that make me have to think really hard or consult others. It's a good way to learn about the worlds I inhabit and the people I inhabit them with, but I've been noticing some (if not most) of the questions are almost.. not applicable to us or our experiences. Specifically now: questions that want you to answer as or for the collective.

"Collective favorite [X]", "[Y] that describes everyone", "Collective opinion on [Z]."

While thinking about these questions I realized that it probably feels pretty bad to be expected to be radically different from everyone you share a brain with. That kind of expectation can unintentionally de-legitimize peoples' experiences and make them feel like they aren't "separate enough" to count.

At the same time, we don't have…a collective anything. Even this body is off-limits to at least one person. Trying to make all of us agree on something has made us run into more butting of the heads than anything else in the past six years, and that feels very strange! Being asked to exist cohesively and uniformly causes some of the most upset I've ever seen.

My favorite ice cream flavor is pistachio. Verin likes specifically Quality Dairy's Death by Chocolate. Oliver wants nothing to do with any of it. To answer with a single "collective favorite" would mean disregarding most opinions in favor of one. It's a silly example, and it's true most of the questions tend to be silly and un-serious in nature. So why should we have to fight over whose favorite gets the spotlight?

There are plenty of other common plural-community things that don't apply to us, being a system of less than ten with only one (introverted) introject. We don't tend to subscribe to common frameworks (roles, origin labels, and the shiny new consciousness labels), and microlabels in general just don't seem to have that luster. Being unconventional isn't new to us for many, many reasons.

The polls aren't even really my main concern here. We don't follow many, so it's possible it's just a few of them. But it's not the only context we're expected to present as less individual than we actually are.

The name of the group, Solsten, is neutral at best for more than half of us, but existing without a link to others in the system online is heavily frowned upon. "System tags" are commonly required in Discord servers that have bots for accessibility. Intra-system communication in public is laughable & weird at best, and outright banned at worst. We are expected to be a very single group of people.

We've known about each other for years longer than we've known about the plural community, so I guess it makes sense that we don't fall in with the norms presented here. We're in the age range now where we're "too old" for the youngest members to be comfortable with, and "too young" for the oldest.

The easiest thing for us to do has been to find others through our interests, and we've been very lucky to find three(!!) other systems who we're now very close with. They don't seem to be as interested in alterhumanity as I am, but I think all I can really do is take what I'm given. They listen and allow us as much space as we need to be uniquely and separately ourselves.

This was sort of an aimless ramble from the get-go. I haven't been here long enough to make in-depth critiques of common trends. (It's my understanding that other platforms like Dreamwidth and some personal websites host wonderful content of that variety.) But maybe we should start making all of our coworkers decide if they all had to be one animal what it would be. Even if our coworkers are already strongly and separately wolves, birds, and human beings.

[moirindeclermont]

Can you believe we are approaching September and we are still here talking about BridgertonS3?

Thing is, I can just think about Polin and words and idea pops into my mind, so I'm going to ride the wave just as Pen rides Colin (terrible, I'm sorry 🤣)

And in this episode of all the first times we didn't see in season 3, it's all about fantasies.

I imagine them in bed, maybe after a couple of rounds so they are sated and very cuddly, and Colin point blank asks Pen about her fantasies in bed. Now, we already established that she was innocent prior to Colin but I can fully believe that once she knew what the fuss was all about, she would start fantasizes quite soon.

Now, if Colin had asked in any other moment she would be more shy maybe, but quite frankly, Colin is amazing and her filter goes always a bit off after they are together, so the fact that she blushes at all means to Colin that whatever she has to share must be very good.

"Don't worry, Pen. I won't judge you. If it is something I like we could try it together", he reassures her gently.

So, while she strokes his chest hair, something that she really loves to do, she start talking. "The first thing that comes to my mind is quite wanton... I don't even know if it's possible to be sure. Some days ago, while we were intimate, you touched my... Rear-end with your finger, and I don't know why it sent a shiver through me. So, maybe it's worth exploring?"

Colin touch her ass and goes near the part Pen mentioned, just teasing. "Sure, it's quite common Pen, I'd love to try with you"

Pen shivers, "is it common?" Colin nods "yeah, it is... But don't stear the conversation, my love. Please continue."

"Then, I had this dream one night, and we were like this, naked... When I hear other hands on me. I think they were woman's hand but I can't be sure of it. I woke up feeling wet - even if I didn't knew why at the moment."

He looks at her: " doesn't matter if it's a woman or a man?"

And she thinks about it, but it doesn't make a difference for her. "No, it's the same. Why? It makes more wanton if it is a woman?"

He smiles at her "you're a minx, but you're my little minx and I would not change that for the world. And it's not uncommon as well, but I think we need time for that one. I'm not sure I'll be able to share you, yet!" And Pen nods. Quite frankly, she is not sure either, but they have all their life to explore.

"After that... I confess that I like that mirror more than I thought was possible. And sometimes I think about all the people who laughed at me and I wish they could seemed loved by you. Maybe I wouldn't love them in our house... But in another place, yeah. I do think about it."

That is really doing something for her, because she can feel the effect it has on her body.

Colin is smiling. "That one... I think I know a place" but now, there isn't time, as they start to kiss again. Colin finds her ready again, and he goes near her ear "think that the Ton is watching you, like in your fantasy" as he finds her for a third time that night. She is wild in her moans, probably caught in the fantasy. Colin makes her release twice before finding is own. He can't wait to tell Pen his own fantasies with her...

Ahhh yes, tomorrow it's his turn and oh boy the things this man wants to do with his wife. But, what's your favorite of the ones Pen shared? And what do you think are Colin's?

[z-haven]

Episode 10 thoughts

The following spoilers mentions AZ, IFYLITA, B*ngtan's S*ve M* (webt**n), Tri*ge, The Fl*sh and D*ctor Wh*

All deal with time travel except well B*ngtan's S*ve M* and Tri*ge both deal with a type of Groundhog day (still time travel) where you basically repeat a timeline over and over again. But this is where my mention of these two will stop for now. The real comparison is between AZ and IFYLITA in the air and I'm looking at how they're handling the MCs being 'transported' to a different timeline. Time travel is a catalyst. Well, more like a catapult for Jom because he was literally yeeted from his car and Suansoon got a nice taxi "Thank you for using our services and have a nice day" ride.

Btw this isn't to hate on AZ btw but just to compare and contrast how they're both dealing with time travel and its effects on the 'traveler/passenger' in question. And for that I'd need to bring up The Fl*sh and D*ctor Wh*. Like B*rry All*n in The Fl*sh, he's had to deal with time wraiths - beings who are enforcers who go after speedsters for breaking time travel rules. Of course Jom isn't a speedster and hasn't dealt with time wraiths but his 'consequence' is either his body or reflection fading out of existence or actually being pulled back to his original timeline. Like DW and The Fla*h, time can be rewritten and Jom not being from that time period is 'rewriting' time. But maybe it isn't him rewriting time but I'm theorizing that it actually feels like he's meant to be there, even if his time is 'limited'. This is also due to the fact that Yai and Jom shared a connection during another time period when Yai is a commander (possibly a prior one). However we don't see any consequences for Suansoon in AZ. But we do see time being rewritten and there is a possibility that Adult!Ongsa could wake up with new memories. Jom, however, already has those memories because he has been dreaming of Yai before he ended up in the 1920s. Yai has been dreaming of Jom but it doesn't look like he's dreaming of the future (his shock at Jom being from the future says it all). But one of the more clearer differences between Jom and Suansoon is that Jom isn't deliberately trying to insert himself or act like a usurper (that's Suansoon) within the timeline. Even when he crashes Yai's engagement, he never makes it about him but was basically indicating to Yai's parents Even if you (known to at least one of you) do not accept me for your son and you care about your family's reputation please do not join hands with someone who can ruin it. (my own words btw). But Suansoon, however is a usurper. A usurper is one who unethically takes over a position of power or importance. Suansoon isn't a king or a person in power but he is of importance to young Ongsa's love story but not him as an adult but his teen self. It would be the same as if Jom ended up in the past, sees another him and then ends up taking his place. Both are sort of going along with the 'flow', Jom more than Suansoon because he's following the 'thread' where it takes him and making decisions along the way because naturally, trying to make him 'fit' in will never work out and he has to be himself in order to be authentic. But even after Adult!Suansoon is however, ripping that thread out and trying to sew a new one by unethically taking Teen!Suansoon's place in Teen!Ongsa's life which makes him less authentic in my book. It's also why I'm enjoying IFYLITA a lot more.

Post 2

(Before this - sometimes I think people are just being unfair to Jom, like you really expect him to automatically have all the answers and that freaking out is some sort of character flaw. Enough).

I still think it's natural for him to freak out. Anyone would, especially since one body part going out of focus would make anyone think they need a psychiatric check up (and I'm sure Jom has been thinking it), but your whole reflection just going transparent like that? Absolute bonkers. Unfortunately there isn't a guide book for time travel but at least he realized that it was the cause.

Post 3: Yai and Jom are my favourite kissers. Along with K*ngU*a. Alright just leaving that here. I don't want to think about anything else.

[fictionkinfessions]

I am here once more... I LOVE MY EVIL VICTORIAN GIRLFRIEND (Everything after this is semi-unrelated and just me dumping info about my source) I love Jonah so much, I loved him when he was James I loved him when he me and I loved HIM as himself. I remember our dreams - when he was me, that is - they were weird, I would even dare say it felt like the spiral, strange and colorful and both of us were reduced to nothing but light and colors. We would fight, we would argue, we would bicker, we danced and we talked and we laughed and I loved sooner or later - probably Stockholm syndrome but why does it matter at that point? I was dead, to everyone else at least - and I don't know he started but I like to think it was when I did. I watched and I followed and I listened as a third person viewer of my own body. He carried myself better than I ever could, and we were great at co-interaction with others, I helped him learn how to lie to everyone else about me and even if he did know things about me he seemed to appreciate it - I really hope he did, it was one of the only things I could do for him besides staying quiet - and the only person I would ever deny him personal information on regardless of if he already knew was Rosie but she would always be fine even when everything began falling down. The apocolypse was the only time we were seperate. He dropped my body and let his own manifest and I ran and I hid and I think for the first time in years I was afraid and Rosie, bless her heart, helped me even with my eyes gone and my voice a memory of everything happening and my face a reminder of him. She stayed and they found us and I fought them, even if they meant no harm, and we learned to exist around each other even if I was a reminder of him. He stole my name and my face and my voice and my fear and I still loved him because why wouldn't I? I shave my face, let my hair grow long, I clawed at my sockets and sooner or later screamed my voice raw. I was no longer a stolen identity, I was different in looks and sound. He took nothing from me but my name and my fear. I liked how I looked and sounded after I'd changed them so that wasn't stolen anymore, I didn't miss those. I missed my name, though, everyone would only call me Eli and the few that did still call me Elias said it with disdain as if I was the one who'd hurt them. I'd chosen that name for myself and it wasn't mine anymore. He gave me back My eyes at some point. I don't remember why I went back to that place, tall and watching and towering over everything. But I went and he gave them back and I had my eyes back. Mine, not his, I could see again and yet when I went back to the others they were angry. I was too unwell to fight, my brain had been fuzzy since everything began and I wouldn't have been able to focus enough to even throw a punch much less scream back. Everything else is a blur. We got there, I think, he was killed but I was too and we were together again in this blackness that never ended and he tried to give up and at that point he'd already taken so much from me, I wasn't letting him leave me with only my love to fade. We went together, to that new world through that rift. We shared a body again but this time it was ours, not his and not mine but ours. We learned our identities and our seperations and we learned to love each other. I'll never forgive him, not even now with the same situation again, both of us in the same body though this one isn't either of ours and never was or will be. I love him and I always will but I will never regret the times I hurt him. I love him and always will but gods I will never forgive the things he did and said to me. Jonah Magnus is my lover, my killer, and the only person I will ever trust again. -OG!Elias (TMA Fictive)

x

[risky-riki]

Seems I can't go a month without writing here...

But today is just about the dream...

He was close, so close, I could almost hold on to him...

But it wasn't that way, but he seemed so happy, a genuine smile...

We were at a concert, that's as much as I can remember, I was so fixated on him, I was just so happy to see him.

How would his smile be...

"Smile more often"

I'd love too azzy, I just... Am really conscious about my teeth as well...

I'm always hiding mine, I feel more comfortable speaking and laughing behind a facemask...

I still want to one day hold you close...

I want the dream to come true...

But every time I stop to think about it...

It feels as if a sliver of my body stopped as soon as he moved far that day...

I still tried my best to help and support him in any way I can for the next few months...

Even if I felt it was taxing me slowly to a point where I'd end up broke...

Today, things are different... But I feel I fell without falling...

And of course ever since I let it's catto friend be back, it still feels like not a lot has changed, and it's very obvious he still shows a few feelings for me...

Instead of feeling close to Azzy, I can only see my time being around the catto and that just makes me a bit sad.

The catto apologizes for being so clingy, and for making me feel weird...

Even if you were somehow able to provoke some change, you'll never be Azzy, and Azzy can never be you.. I would like to spend my time with him in any way I can... But I find myself dropped...

Even on weekends, my time spent with Azzy feels small, but I enjoy any little bit I can get, trickles or not, I feel so happy to be around him, but he just doesn't like me being clingy...

I'm sorry... For being like that, it's hard to keep it under cap...

You mean so much to me, I'd really appreciate it if you'd spend a tiny bit here...

Sometimes I think of sending a message... But I don't...

Sometimes I just end up thinking about you and just end up crying for a bit...

I don't want to pressure them either, or poke around in the wrong places either... Things have never really be well in places... But I don't want to let go either...

It's.... A mess...

I'm a mess...

The dream was as close as I could ever get to Azzy, knowing how he looks like...

Close in a dream... But so far in irl...

Loving the quiet...

Or

Talking but share no love...

I very much still love you Azzy, you still poke at me through my own thoughts... Thoughts I can't escape...

Home, at work, while out with my bros...

You tell me to calm... But I can't fully be calm...

"Wandering beyond midnight, always looking for a place to be tame, if only for a moment."

I really would love to be close... And be happy with you...

Why is it so hard to be happy with someone...

I should sleep, a sad birb isn't a happy birb...

Trash analogy, or something...

Trash birb out, Goodnight... Anyone...

[shorkbrian]

Taking the risk of scaring you I must go on w my Tama thirst. I just can find a blog to I welcome my twisted self 😭 so Tama... I just want to kiss every part of him, kiss him through his pants, give hickeys to his thighs and after I use him throatfuck myself (I'm sure he'd go limp), I'd just overstimulate him to the point he isn't shy to be vocal, I'd give his balls, inflated or not, much love!! then I'd beg him to go balls deep in a mating press but I'msureIdwastehisseedasIcanthelpbutrub

Bro I am incapable of being scared, there is no kink shaming here ever!

(What to expect - NSFW, safe, sane, and consensual.  You’re hot for Tamaki and he’s BURNING for you babe. Body worship, hickies, throatfucking, overstim. Everything the ask contained basically lol.)

The thing about Tamaki, is that no matter how much he wants, anxiety takes over and stops him in his tracks.

His day is spent thinking of you, your sweet voice, pretty eyes, soft hands.... He’s always so distracted by his thoughts of you, it’s hard to get his job done.

But when he bumps into you, he’s a blushing mess, can barely talk, and usually ends up turning tail and heading somewhere else, just because he doesn’t know what to do. He’s afraid that you think he’s weird, or that he’s weak and limp and can’t compare to the brick houses that are Mirio and Kirishima. That he’s not a real man, can’t even build up the courage to talk to people for more than five minutes without freaking out.

God, you love him though.

So you’ll have to make the first move, have to invite him out for dinner or drinks. At first, he freaks out and shoots you down, stuttering out some excuse that doesn’t make any sense. But it’s obvious that he’s interested in you, so you ask Mirio how to get through to his friend.

Next time, you ask Tamaki to come watch a movie at your house, and Mirio is right there by his side, answering before Tamaki can blush and stumble his way through an apology.

“He’d love to! Friday night?”

Secretly, Tamaki would be thanking the lord for Mirio, but also cursing his existence at the same time. How was he supposed to survive being alone with his crush?

He was going to die.

The movie happened, then another, and then you argued that it was too late for Tamaki to go home, that he should just stay over.

And damn it, Tamaki didn’t know what came over him, maybe he was swayed by your eagerness, maybe it was because he himself was eager and wanting, but he said yes.

You offered to let him borrow a shirt, but it was obvious they wouldn’t fit, so Tamaki walked himself through the five second rule. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 - and then he was stripping off his shirt, even though he felt anxious.

Would you laugh at his body? Mock him for being smaller than other heros? He had some muscle, but he was definitely on the leaner side.

To his relief, you breathed out a little sigh, an “oh-” that had the tips of his ears turning red at your tone of voice.

“Tama... can I-can I touch?”

He felt himself bobbing his head, gulping as you stepped closer, greedy hands rising to his chest.

At first contact, he felt goosebumps erupt down his arms, your fingers slightly cold upon his skin. You flashed him an apologetic smile, before suddenly leaning down, placing a small kiss right below his left clavicle.

Tamaki stuttered out an awkward laugh - he felt like he was short circuiting.

Somehow, the two of you ended up in your bed, in nothing but underwear.

The man was beet red, trying to be respectful and not ogle your chest, drool over your tummy, stare and lick his lips with his eyes fixed on the jewel between your legs, the beautiful flesh covered by thin panties.

But you directed his gaze with a soft hand under his chin, a gentle “Don’t you like how I look?”

And immediately he was bobbing his head yes, staring into your eyes when you smiled down at him, directing his gaze to your body with a wave of your hand, giving him permission to shamelessly gaze at your body.

You were so beautiful, he could look at you forever. Tamaki didn’t even know how he got this lucky, being able to share this moment with you, where you both appraised each other’s bodies with awe.

But you were impatient, crawling forward to gently push Tamaki onto his back. Your eyes flickered up to his as your hands ghosted over his chest, as you leaned down until your lips were mere inches from his skin. 

“Is this fine? Tell me what you’re comfortable with.”

And oh god, oh god, this was more than okay. This was everything he could ever want, everything he could ever dream of. 

At his enthusiastic nod, his “I’m-I’m good.... please.” You gave him a soft, loving smile, before touching your lips to his chest.

Kisses were placed everywhere, his chest, the quivering flesh of his soft tummy, his delicate shoulders. You peppered his slender throat with soft pecks, grinning when Tamaki unsuccessfully tried to hold back an embarrassing, keening whine when you closed your lips around his adam’s apple.

“Feels good? Tell me.” But he was too shy, shaking his head as his hands found purchase in your hair. He didn’t have the words to explain how you were making him feel.

You huffed at his forced silence, drawing away from giving little smooches, just so you could look at his face. He was sure his cheeks were red, eyes blown out and huge.

“Tamaki, I want you to enjoy this. If you aren’t feeling good, or wanna slow down, tell me. I don’t want to do anything you aren’t okay with, alright?”

Tamaki felt his heart clench a little - you were so careful with him, so tender. He nodded again, trying to find his voice.

“Yes, yes (Y/N)-this is good. I want.....” He held himself back. What if you weren’t comfortable with this? What if you wanted an out? He didn’t want to force you either, he wanted you to enjoy yourself. Right now though, his thoughts felt jumbled, like his brain was rolling around in a hamster wheel.

“What do you want Tama?” Your voice was breathy as you leaned down to whisper in his ear, and Tamaki almost came in his fucking pants when you nibbled at the lobe. His ears were so sensitive, and he was so embarrassed by the way his hips involuntarily shifted when you continued to give his ear attention.

“I want-I want.... um, more? P-Please?” God, his voice kept cracking, he felt like a teenager again, nervous and awkward and scared of rejection.

But you were there to alleviate his fears with a soft laugh, a kiss to his cheek. “I’ll give you whatever you want.”

And then you were kissing down his body, brushing past his boxer-clad erection-oh god.

Down to his thighs, which you parted easily, helped by Tamaki’s eager movements. He wanted to let you have all of him - just as you wanted to give him anything, he wanted to give you everything.

You latched onto a thigh, a few inches above the knee, sucking at the flesh with a smile, tongue circling and patting and it felt good-

Then you moved to a different area, higher up, intent on sucking a beautiful bruise into his pale skin.

Tamaki had to grab the sheets, already close to cumming from the sensation of your lips against his skin. He wanted you so much, you were so perfect. He tried to hold back his voice, keep his moans and gasps and sighs in check, but it was difficult. Still, he didn’t want to weird you out or anything, so he tried his best.

The man really wanted to hear your own voice, hear you talk to him, walking him through what you were going to do to him, what you wanted to do. Wanted to hear you moan and laugh and say his name over and over again until you couldn’t speak.

For now, he was content with watching you suck at his thighs, leaving messy trails of saliva as you got closer and closer to his dick.

You stopped at the hem of his boxers, teasingly licking over the fabric, before scrunching it up with your fingers, letting your nails scratch lightly against his sensitive skin.

“Oh-” Tamaki breathed, before shooting his hand up to cover his mouth, eyes trained on your mouth. You smiled, lifting your eyes to meet his own, and he-

You were so pretty, so beautiful. Tamaki felt so insignificant in your presence, so lucky. How did someone like you find someone like him attractive?

Those thoughts were quickly purged from his mind as you quickly closed your teeth around the skin of his inner thigh, close enough to his cock that when it twitched, it skimmed against your nose briefly. Tamaki had to tear his eyes away from yours, falling back on the bed to grasp at the sheets, breathing hard as he willed himself not to cum.

Working at the skin between your teeth, you sucked at the flesh, swirling your tongue around it, making sloppy little sounds. Tamaki was going to melt, he couldn’t stop thinking about your mouth around his cock, how your pink tongue would feel digging into his slit, drenching the crown, laving over the veins on the underside.

He was gasping now, a hand clutching his naked chest, eyes squeezed tightly shut, legs twitching.

You pulled away with a sultry chuckle, and this was it - Tamaki was going to get his dick sucked, Mirio would be so proud-

But you moved to his other thigh, starting at the knee again, licking and biting at the skin.

Tamaki didn’t know whether to feel frustrated or relieved.

The process was the same, teasing little bites, hard suction to purple the skin. It all felt good to Tamaki, but as you got close to his crotch, he found himself tensing up, wanting to clench his thighs together and rub his cock.

But you were leading now, and he wanted to follow.

Holy fuck, he wanted to touch his cock though. He was aching, boxers getting a little damp where his tip rested against them. Tamaki felt himself twitching, tender and wanting. 

He couldn’t stop himself from reaching down, quickly palming over his cock as you got closer with you mouth, using your nails again to roll up the hem of his boxers, to right underneath his balls. They scraped over the globes slightly, and Tamaki’s thighs tried to snap shut, stopped by your body between them.

“Sorry, here, let me?” Your hand covered his own, and he let you move it to the side, unable to stop his chest from heaving. He was so worked up already, he felt like he had just finished running a marathon.

Instead of palming over him with your pretty, soft hands, you brought your lips to the bulge, kissing it quickly, drawing back and giggling when it twitched.

“Oh, please-please touch me.” Tamaki didn’t feel bad about begging at the moment, too caught up in the physical sensations, and you seemed to like his voice. 

Without another word, you met his eyes, simultaneously opening your mouth and letting your tongue loll out flat. Still maintaining eye contact, you lowered yourself closer and closer, and Tamaki couldn’t catch a goddamn breath, unable to tear his eyes away from the sight before him.

You were so enthusiastic, licking at his cock through the material of his boxers, grabbing at the fabric with your teeth, pulling it back only to let it go, let it snap against his cock and make him keen. You went from soft, loving kisses to fast licks, closing your lips around part of it and sucking quickly, and Tamaki was losing it.

He was struggling to keep his hips down, to stop himself from thrusting into your face, chasing the heavenly feel of you. It felt so good, he didn’t have words, couldn’t even begin to quantify how he was feeling, other than good good good, and he wanted more.

“Don’t tease, please don’t tease. ‘M so close-” He gasped out, slim hands patting your head quickly, trying to catch your attention as he wiggled underneath your ministrations.

With a laugh, you pulled away, meeting his eyes. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.” Thumbs hooking into the waist band oh his boxers, you couldn’t stop yourself from pulling the band, letting it slap down against his skin and make Tamaki jerk and his lungs punch out a gasp.

“Can I take these off?”

“Yes, yes, anything. Just-just touch me please.” He stumbled over his words, face aflame. “But only-only if you w-want.”

“Oh-” you smirked, beginning to shimmy his boxers down his hips, licking your lips when you managed to free his cock. “-I want to touch so bad.”

And then his boxers were off, and you were gripping his cock with your fucking perfect hands, giving him a cursory stroke that was dry and rough but so fucking good.

“You’re so lovely, everything about you is so handsome.” You spit over his cock, and Tamaki fisted his fingers into the sheets as the saliva hit the head before dripping down his length.

You used your spit to slick him up, running your hands gently over his flushed cock, enjoying the squelching sounds.

Tamaki almost died when you put him in your mouth.

Lips pursing around the head, you twirled your tongue over his skin, lapping at the slit, digging underneath the rosy crown. Tamaki barely had time to process the sensation though, because you were sheathing his entire length down your throat.

“Oh-h god!” he yelped, hips bucking upwards before he could stop them. He felt so bad, you gagged a bit and drew off his cock, coughing. “I’m-I’m so sorry! I d-didn’t mean-”

“Do that again, fuck my throat Tamaki.” You rasped, immediately swallowing him down again.

What if he hurt you? What if-

He didn’t get the chance to be anxious. 

You didn’t like how he wasn’t moving, his muscles tensed as he kept his hips still. Taking it upon yourself, you began bobbing your head, up and down, and Tamaki wanted to cry because it felt so good.

“I don’t w-want to hurt you, oh god, please wait!” He yelped, and you immediately pulled off, spit dripping down your chin.

“Hey, hey, don’t worry.” You breathed, patting his hip comfortingly. “I want you to do this Tama, I’ve practiced. No gag reflex, see?” You grabbed his hand, curling his fingers until only two were held straight, and promptly stuffed them into your mouth, pushing at his wrist so his fingers went as far down as possible.

Tamaki’s throat had never been dryer. It’s like he couldn’t speak, only dumbly nod his head as he felt your throat convulse around his fingers, all wet and velvety smooth. 

You pulled his hand away, licking seductively at his fingers before letting go. “I want you to fuck my throat, please.” You were looking at him with such honesty, such desperation. “I want to suck you off and have you cum down my throat, want it to fill up my stomach Tama.”

The ravenette could barely nod, eyes glassy, chest heaving. He wanted that so bad, you sounded like a vixen, looked like one two, batting your eyelashes at him like that.

You settled between his thighs again, giving his cock a nice, lengthy lick on the underside before fixing Tamaki with a confident stare. “Don’t hold back, I want you to feel good.” 

He was already feeling good, but if you insisted.

Cautious at first, hesitant, Tamaki was afraid of pushing too deep, moving too fast. But you grew impatient again, moving your own head while tapping his hip, encouraging him to speed up.

And he did, a bit, but he was still measuring his thrusts, trying to keep his head steady despite the tight suction of your throat.

You grabbed his hands, guiding them to your head, pressing them flat so he could hold your head. You looked up at him, completely stilling your movements, forcing your mouth as wide as it could go, fixing him with the most intense gaze.

Tamaki got the message.

He gripped your head tight, kept you in place before snapping his hips up, and you closed your eyes, as if you’d finally got what you had wanted. 

It’s like his restraint flew out the window, now that he was confident that you wanted this, sure that it wasn’t hurting you. His balls slapped against your chin, a lewd rhythm of smacks and gurgles and wet sucking coming from your mouth.

Drool was dripping off your chin, onto his balls, over his taint. When the liquid touched his hole, Tamaki shouted, eyes suiting shut as his stomach flexed. He felt so good, this was more than he had ever dreamed of, more than he could've ever imagined.

And then he was cumming, probably far too soon, but you wouldn’t make fun of him, he knew that.  He cursed, holding you flush against his hips, cock twitching against your tight throat as he shot his seed down your throat.

A few last desperate rocks of his hips, and then he was pulling you off, tiredly patting you face as you coughed.

“Are y-you okay?” And you, the angel you were, smiled, giving him a cheesy thumbs up.

“Couldn’t breathe for a second there, but that comes with the territory. Did that feel good though?”

Tamaki nodded, eyes closing blissfully. You were too good to him, too good for him.

Where did he go from here? Should he offer to finger you? He didn’t know how, he never thought he’d be in a situation where he’d be naked in bed with anyone, let alone you, a literal walking wet dream.

“You’re so quiet Tama-” You noticed, a hand stroking over his quivering tummy as he calmed down from his orgasm. “-I kinda want to hear you.”

With that confession, your mouth was on his cock again, slurping and suckling at the sensitive length.

“A-h-h! W-wait! God that’s too-fuck, no, wait!”

You pulled off quickly, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. “I’ll stop if you want me to, I’m not gonna force you to do anything, ever, okay?”

Tamaki nodded, cheeks flushing. “I just need... a moment. You’re-you’re good with your mouth.”

A smile graced your lips, and you tilted your head. “I still wanna hear you though, you’ve been holding back your voice this entire time. I like it when you lose yourself.”

Another nod, the man biting his lip. ‘I just don’t want to-to scare you off or anything. I’m loud, and I sound-I mean....” He averted his eyes bashfully “-My voice can get kind of-of h-high.”

That was embarrassing to admit.

You didn’t miss a beat, clambering forward until you were laying beside him, face even with his own. “But I like that Tama, I think it’s sexy when you lose control like that.”

The admission made Tamaki gasp, blushing even further, and you leaned in for a kiss, which the man eagerly returned. 

“I-I think you’re sexy too.” Was his lame reply. He wished he was better with his words, could describe how amazing and beautiful and stunning you were.

Your hand fell to his cock, drawing him out of his self-doubt. You were pumping him gently, focusing more attention on his balls, lightly pinching the skin, massaging the flesh, before giving him another stroke.

“I wanna see you cum again, and this time, you’re gonna moan nice and loud for me, yeah?”

Again, you were whispering in his ear, biting at the shell, liking over the cartilage with your warm, slippery tongue.

Tamaki drew in a breath.

“And I don’t want you holding back any of your cute sounds. If you do, I’ll have to make you cum again and again until you’re too fucked out to feel self conscious.” The promise made Tamaki’s stomach burn hot with arousal, and his cock was starting to throb again, hastened along by your helping, smooth hand.

“I’ll-I’ll try.” He whispered, voice catching in his throat. He could imagine it now, him writhing in overstimulation as you sucked at his cock, holding his hips down as he cried and shivered and moaned about how good it felt.

“Then, I’m gonna finger myself while you watch, and when I’m nice and ready, you’re gonna fuck me.”

Tamaki felt like passing out, blood rushing down to his cock so fast that he felt all fuzzy and weak.

“I’m gonna lay back, and hold myself open, and you’re going to stick your pretty little cock deep, and you’re not gonna stop until you cum inside.”

The ravenette had never been felt more turned on in his entire life.

“Sound good?” Your voice was soft, sweet. he knew that you were giving him an opportunity to say no, to express any discomfort or unease he felt.

But Tamaki only felt lust.

With a sudden surge of confidence, he turned to his side, lips seeking out your own. He kissed you desperately, eagerly, probably clumsy but he didn’t care.

When he separated, he paused for a moment, breathing against you while he tried to find words to convey his excitement.

“Ruin me, (Y/N). Make-make me cry.”

[lyssahlyssah]

Obey Me! The Present

a/n: not suitable for work

Well, this took a week of my life, but it's ok! It's obviously something I needed to get off my chest (ahem). I hope you enjoy. 🟣🔵⚫

pairing: F!MC x Belphegor, category: (very) not suitable for work, warnings: some angst, virgin sex, penetration, oral sex, teasing, man-eating petunias. description: Belphie give F!MC the present she's always wanted. wordcount: 2.1k

"Is there anything else I can do for you for your birthday? Being your present and all. "

In your room, Belphie stands in front of you with his usual coy smile. Tall and gorgeous, he cocks his head to one side causing hair to fall into his violet eyes. He confidently holds your gaze.  As the gaze lingers, his smile deepens, playfully suggestive.

Today is your birthday and you've spent it on a date with Belphie. Feeling guilty after forgetting to buy you anything, he had cleverly volunteered to be your present, granting you any wishes you wanted.

Excited by his creativity (and the prospect of time with him alone), you had taken full advantage, first visiting the planetarium and then the botanical gardens. You'd laughed together, played around, took naps under a tree with his head in your lap. At the botanical gardens, he'd even rescued you from man-eating petunias after you took a wrong turn, and had shamelessly teased you about it since. Everything was effortless and fun when you were together.

And now, looking at his smiling face, you reflected on how far the two of you'd come. This wasn't Belphie from long ago in the attic; the angry and vengeful demon that once tried to kill you, heart twisted with hate from the loss of his beloved sister. No, he had changed. As time had gone on, he had warmed to the whole world, even to his older brother Lucifer, whom he had once admitted hating to the point of murder. He was now letting people to get close to him again. And especially you. He had opened the door to his heart and was inviting you in.

Because of the complicated history you shared, a special bond grew between you. His aloofness drew your open and loving nature like a moth to a flame, and you clicked like magnets due to your differences. Over any of the other brothers, he made you feel comfortable. Facing him now, you realized you've fallen hard for the infamous sloth demon. It was for those reasons, a response to his question immediately floated to your lips.

"Kiss me", you say, giving him a smile of your own.

"Sure", he agrees, a blush on his cheeks. Your lips meet. It's soft and sweet. Somehow, even though you aren't sure where he found the time between naps to become this way, Belphie is an incredible kisser.

His lips push down on yours with a little more force, then abruptly pull back, leaving you breathless. "Is that all?" he asks. "In that case, I'll give myself to you every day" his eyes crinkle in a smile, ever teasing.

You wet your lips, heart pattering in your chest. You did want more from him...a lot more.  Now or never. you think. You catch his hand and hold it. "Ah...Belphie...actually, what I want instead, is to give m-myself....to you." you stammer a little in getting it out. His eyes widen as he realizes what you're insinuating. Silence.

"MC...you sure? With me?" Belphie stares back at you, no longer joking. He pauses. "Why me? Why not Lucifer...or...or...The Great Mammon?" he says, with a sarcastic flourish.

When he sees your face drop, he immediately apologizes and runs a hand through his thick hair, ruffling it. His voice softens. "I'm sorry...I've been angry for so long, you know? Sometimes it just comes out when I don't mean it to."

He takes your hand again and pulls you to the bed where you sit down together. Color rises in his cheeks. "Really though...I've lied to you, I've manipulated you. Not that long ago...I even tried to kill you. Why am I the one you want for this?" He searches your face for an answer. 

"You're my master, I can't refuse you, and I'd be crazy to anyway, but...why me?" Standing up, he paces a few feet in a circle, then sits down again. You've rarely seen him this worked up; it's obvious he still hasn't totally forgiven himself for hurting you.

"I love you Belphie", the words fall out of your mouth. Your eyes widen. You search your feelings and know it isn't a lie. His eyes are wide too. "Do...do you mean that?" he questions, leaning back.

You nod, "I need you, Belphie. I feel safe with you; I know you'd never hurt me now. And...I know you need me too". You continue, your voice low. "I want you. More than anyone else".

The words visibly shake him. He drops his head, staring into his lap, then slowly brings his head back up and gazes at you. You're taken aback by the open desire you see there. It's as if a mask has fallen off and you're seeing the real him for the first time.

When he speaks, it's slowly, deliberately.

"I want to know you that way, MC...More intimately than anyone ever has." His eyes start to glow a fierce purple. "You're mine, and I want to be your first. I want to give you something to remember me by when you go back to the human world." You swallow hard, your heart starting to race and nod.

He leans forward, takes your face between his hands, and kisses you. And again. Deeply, tongue reaching hungrily into your mouth. You whimper against his lips, full of want.

You give yourself over completely to his touch. His hands are on your face, guiding the movement of your heads. It feels so good, all the strength leaves you, and you fully let him hold you up. Between kisses, he makes small sounds of passion.

"You drive me crazy" he murmurs, looking into your eyes. A thrill runs up your spine. He's here, fully here - with you. No distance. Not a trace of sleepiness. In this moment of closeness, Belphie has completely overcome his sin.

You gasp as his fingers effortlessly snap off the button to your jeans with an audible pop. "Oops", he says, not sounding sorry in the slightest.

He leans you back onto the covers. Continuing to kiss you, he slides his hand into your jeans and caresses your lower stomach, playing with the hollow of your hip bone. Ticklish, you sharply draw in a breath, causing him to smile at you. "Don't be nervous" he says reassuringly. "I'll take care of you".

He sides your pants down, and then completely takes them off. You shiver, all at once feeling vulnerable.

"Mmmm..." He murmurs, looking over your body. "You're so beautiful. I've dreamed about getting to touch you like this". He reverently slides his hands up and down your thighs, your hips, your waist. Goosebumps raise up at his touch.

Holding your gaze, he leans down and pulls your shirt over your head then sits upright and does the same for himself. His hair is even more disheveled afterward and the thought of it being that way because you're in bed together turns you on.

Even though you've napped together endlessly, you've never seen this much of his body, and you sigh with pleasure drinking in the width of his shoulders, his flat stomach. He watches you just as avidly and the small smile returns as he sees the effect he has on you.

Leaning in, Belphie captures your lips once more in a steamy kiss. Running his hands up your shoulders, he cups your cheeks, then traces down your back and unhooks your bra. You respond by thrusting your own hands into his hair and pulling him to you.

He kisses his way down your chest and your stomach, where his lips leave little trails of fire on your skin. You try but can't remember ever feeling more aroused. He playfully nips your belly button as it goes by, and smiles when you jump and protest, eyes glinting.

Belphie stops between your legs, breathing out slowly, and kisses up one of your thighs. At the top he hugs it to his face, cheek pressing into the flesh. Pausing, he looks at you sideways and says, "I've wanted to do this since we met".

Taking his time, he hooks your panties with one finger and pulls them down. Admiring the view, he runs a finger down your core, lightly teasing your clit. You sigh, then jump when he gives a jerk. "You're so fucking wet down here" he utters in awed tones.

Seeing you so excited for him seems to unhinge him a little. Looking at your soaked slit with total attention, he raises his finger to his lips and lightly sucks off your excitement. His eyes flutter close and a low groan of desire escapes him. Leaning in, he buries his face in your folds. His soft tongue pushes roughly against your swollen clit and it's your turn to gasp.

He continues to work on you for a few minutes. The pleasure overwhelms you, but still, you want him deeper. Parts of yourself you aren't familiar with are showing up and demanding to be satisfied. You try to stretch your legs further and wider apart so his tongue can reach every needy part of you. More than happy to help, he greedily tongues your tight hole. "B-Belphie!" Your voice rises as you near your climax. He reaches one hand up and laces your fingers through his. "Go ahead, MC...I've got you, you're safe. I want to taste you when you cum." Soothed, you let yourself go fully, shuddering, waves of euphoria threatening to drown you. "Mmmm..." Belphie says contentedly. You can feel his lips as he captures every last drop on his tongue.

You collapse into the pillows as the pleasure ebbs away, but he doesn't give you time to rest. You feel manicured fingers slide into your slippery hole. At first, it's a gentle in-and-out getting you used to the sensation. You squirm, your flesh still sensitive from his earlier attentions. After a few moments, he picks up the pace and starts pushing into you faster and deeper, turning and curling the digits. Mewling with every thrust, you blush bright red, still a little self-conscious  From his place cradled between your legs, he watches your face possessively. "I love your sounds", he says.

Pleasure begins to fill your abdomen once again as you near climax, and you involuntarily start to grind against his hand, desperate to increase the tempo. Loving your impatience, he dips his head down and bites you on the inside of your thigh, near your core. Surprised by the unexpected sensation, you're pushed over the edge, launching into oblivion for the second time. This time he can't help himself and covers your mouth in a passionate kiss, jealously swallowing your cries of pleasure.

Thoroughly ravaged, you look up at him through half-lidded eyes. Belphie looks back at you, spellbound by the state you're in. "B...Belphie", you manage to get out. "What, MC?" he softly answers. "I need you inside me", you pleadingly say to his violet eyes. He shudders and pulls back from you.

"Okay", he says, unfastening his pants button. He pulls them down and his length springs out, large, strong, and perfect. Dazzled, your mouth drops open slightly. He smiles confidently at you and crawls back up your body. Once there, he turns your hips so you're lying on your back with your hips to one side, lined up to your exposed slit on his knees. He runs his hands over your ass, squeezing it, testing its softness, before bringing his hands back to grip your hip with both hands. "Tell me if I hurt you", he says with unexpected tenderness and starts to push inside you.

Due to the position of your hips and your overall tightness, his first thrust is shallow, but the friction makes you both groan. Pulling out slowly, drawing out the pleasure, he pushes inside again, going slightly deeper. Your eyes roll back in your head. He feels blissful, way past anything you had imagined.

Using your hip to pull your ass against his lap, he starts to move more quickly. With abandon, you throw your arms against the covers above your head, your face falling to one side and breasts jiggling as the snap of his thrusts push you up and down. Also lost in pleasure, his eyes are closed and low groans rumble from his throat.

It doesn't take long for you to climax again, and then again. Your walls clenching tightly around him, each climax earns you a growl, but Belphie shows no signs of giving you mercy. Finally, even though you wish it could last forever, he thrusts deeply within you and you feel his warmth spread into your abdomen.

Completely spent, you lay together in the candlelight, your head on his chest, legs intertwined. Your core aches sweetly. He holds you close. Happier than you've felt in your entire life, you both start to drop off. As you do, you raise your head to look at him, and you see he's already asleep. Full of affection, your chin on his chest, you breathe, "Thank you for granting my wish". Seconds later, fading into darkness you hear him whisper, "I love you, too".

[k-s-morgan]

Hi Katrin! In reference to your previous ask about Ciels final smile of Kuroshitsuji 1, I just have to ask - why do you think Ciel is unhappy in his final moments?

I think I mentioned it a long while back in an ask I sent you (where I just dumped my ramblings about book of murder in your inbox - once again, sorry about that!) but Sebastian leaving Ciel in Paris didn't feel like a rejection to me.

Of course he senses the doubts Ciel clearly has about throwing his life away and I think misunderstands it. I don't think Ciel was second-guessing his revenge, but perhaps his readiness to die.

When Sebastian leaves him, he doesn't seem angry - that much is clear. Instead, he wishes him to "forget everything and have pleasant dreams", with a rather wistful expression on his face. And what this line ends up reading as is a bittersweet goodbye from the demon - an offering for Ciel to let go of his revenge and find happiness in the afterlife with his now soon approaching death.

I think he is disappointed because at some point he started to stop holding Ciel to human standards as he would everything else, but I also don't think he's resentful of it. Ciel is human and he can't keep expecting him not to be, so it was perhaps his fault for doing so.

Not wanting to die doesn't seem like something that would suddenly make Ciel's soul undesirable to Sebastian, so there must be another reason for him to let it go. He cannot offer Ciel life, since he knows that death is readily approaching him, but he can offer him an afterlife.

This offering almost acts as a thank you for the moments of excitement their contract had given his monotone life and I believe that is why he makes it.

He sticks around to see if Ciel accepts his offer, though already expecting him to, and is there to witness the very moment the boy rejects it. Gone is the uncertainty of Abberline's death and the Paris crisis, and Ciel, the Earl of Phantomhive, returns to him - sharper, colder, more ruthless than ever. Sebastian realises his misjudgement and returns to his side, ready for the final battle. Killing an angel. It's laughably symbolic.

I think it is at some point during this battle that Ciel fully acknowledges his feelings towards Sebastian. I completely agree with you - completing his revenge did not fulfil him. I don't think he felt victorious or triumphant from it, or even the satisfaction he might have expected from it. Like you said, he probably realises how wasted his life was in pursuing such a fate, but still understands that it was the only path he would've accepted, being who he was.

But that isn't to say he was unhappy. Just because it wasn't revenge that gave him fulfilment doesn't mean he didn't find it elsewhere. The smile he gives Sebastian doesn't read to me as bitter or condescending, but actually seems quite peaceful. And the reason for that, I think, is that he doesn't fear dying by Sebastian's hand.

Those same reddened eyes and fanged smile would be the last thing he sees – and was that really such a bad way to go? He knew how and when and by whose hands he was going to die, and not everyone could say the same. What's more, at this point, I'm pretty sure he would've realised what he was feeling for Sebastian, so I don't think he would be resentful for dying at the hands of someone he loved.

Sebastian, for him, had always represented the end. And a beautiful end at that. That's why the smile seemed peaceful to me.

He lets go of the bridge. Initially, I assumed it was a mixture of blood loss and a symbolic decision to let go of life and surrender himself to Sebastian, but from your analysis I actually think your idea about him wanting a final act of rebellion is wonderful. All Ciel really wanted was to be remembered by Sebastian, so why not send him one last gift? Let him have one last surprise before it's all over. Die on his own terms - it's a beautiful idea.

He dies in mid-air. We see the exact moment Ciel Phantomhive dies and exact moment his cinematic record blossoms from his lifeless body when the blood loss finally takes him.

It's a beautiful scene, regardless of how you analyse it and I absolutely love hearing everyone's interpretations of it since they're all so different from one another. Reading your analysis in this ask was particularly wonderful to me because it was such a different take from what I was used to. I tjust hought I'd share my view on the scene so I could hear more of your thoughts on the matter. Whether it's in literature or media, watching how the tone of a scene can change as the angle from which it is interpreted switches is perhaps one of the most interesting things you can do.

(My post about Sebastian leaving Ciel in S1 & London Bridge scene for those who are interested).

Thank you for this, I really love your asks, comments, and thoughts! I agree that Sebastian leaving Ciel in S1 wasn't a rejection - I think he was resentful to an extent (he sends Ciel several very dark looks when Ciel stops him from killing the Queen and when they are riding to the hotel), and personally, I see a mix of feelings when he's watching Ciel from afar later. He's quiet and thoughtful, and I think there is a storm of conflicting feelings brewing inside him. I particularly love your words about Sebastian being willing to give Ciel an afterlife.

As for how Ciel takes it... I think he's grimly determined to see everything through. I agree that he fully acknowledges his feelings for Sebastian at this point; I also think Ciel realizes he loves him at the very end of S1, seconds before Sebastian leans closer to take his soul. I imagine the entire life flashing right before Ciel's eyes, his adrenaline spreading through him chaotically and clearing his head in a way he's never experienced before. His reservations, stubbornness, reluctance to succumb to emotions - it's all going to lose its meaning because this is it. In a few seconds, he won't just be dead - he won't exist. I think Ciel is going to see everything with startling clarity, and he'll realize, "Oh. I love you," but of course he won't say it aloud.

I agree Ciel sees the beauty and the peace in being consumed by Sebastian, but at the same time, I see misery in him in those later moments. Sorry, I can't share gifs or even good pics right now, but here are some screens to illustrate what I mean:

I think he looks like in his darkest and saddest moments here. There is sorrow, bitterness, hopelessness in his eyes - he won, but it doesn't feel like it. Ciel always knew he was going to die and Sebastian was going to devour his soul, but now he is being proven right, it is finally happening, and I think he has mixed feelings on this. During their time together, he learned to enjoy life in his way. He enjoyed their games, being challenged, solving puzzles. He always knew it's temporary, but knowing and seeing it are two different things, and I don't think Ciel is as willing to die as he was before. The way he's startled when the Undertaker tell him he's going to die anyway even without Sebastian in the picture, Ciel's sudden burst of emotion when he tells Abberline that he had forfeited his future, his behavior afterward, how he was delaying the conclusion of their contract by holding Sebastian back - I think Ciel was re-assessing things.

This one breaks my heart in particular. In this specific moment, I don't think Ciel doesn't want to die in general, but he doesn't want to leave Sebastian. He's staring at him with emotions he never allowed himself to feel - he's ready, but he's wistful. He wishes things could have been different in some other world, that his book could have another ending, but he knows there is no place for what ifs in his life.

[all-about-seggs]

┗ Love- Lies- Bleeding

Pairing - Geto Suguru x Virgin!reader

Word count- 4.8 K

Warnings - Gaslighting, Corruption kink, snuff (not graphically depicted) and then reincarnation, cunnilingus, fingering, unprotected vaginal sex, adding blasphemy kink just to be safe.

A/n- Geto isn't a yandere here but it's Villan! Geto we're talking about so I think his actions are pretty in line with his current canon! Personality. Though a bit delusional. This is by FAR the longest thing I've ever written.

The gray cobblestones stretching across the shrine clicked against your thick wodden sandles, the quaintness of the place only making it seem unnaturally loud. It's was a regular autumn morning, which soon turned into noon as you felt the bright sun shining right on top of your head.

Having finished your morning tasks you were returning to the main shrine where the senior priestess would give you further things to do. Just the thought of more work non stop made you sigh at your monotonous shrine maiden lifestyle but as you lamented you heard footsteps behind you, the sound of which same as that of your own.

"Hey!.....", You turned around to see your little sister huffing as she catches up to you,

" y/n! He's here again!," The implications of her words made your face heat up, sure you were still a bit green and naive, but you made sure to discreet when it came to 'looking' at that one particular man that always seem to stand out among the hoards of faceless people you saw visiting the shrine everyday.

"How many times have I told you not to phrase it like that! You'll get me in trouble with the priestess!", Scrambling to get yourself together you retort sharply.

"Oh come on! Youre the one who used to stare at him from a distance like a lovesick teenager! Atleast now you're talking to him like a normal person", In terms of liveliness the sound of your back and forth was the only thing the place had.

"Watch it! If someone hears you we'll both get scolded", gently warning her again you find yourself turning back to where she came from. The other part of the premises where the peculiar man would be standing, as usual, in all his serene beauty, on the brigde overlooking the small lake.

A man in traditional Japanese cloths that you rarely see anyone wearing these days came to your shrine everyday, without fail for the past month. Everything from his attire to his elegant long hair left you in a trance and your eyes would naturally follow him.

Something about the fact how he'd always come here but never to pray or wish striked you as odd so at first you just observed and even before completely wrapping the situation around your head you two started sharing numerous conversations of the huge world that was right outside but so far away from your reach, his words fuelled the budding curiosity in your heart, the vastness of which made your trips to the lake, the most refreshing part of your otherwise monotonous daily routine.

Even if all you did was talk, a 'supposidly' demure maiden working in a shrine, skipping on her duties and rushing to the other side of the ginormous area to see a man felt almost elicit, scary even when you consider the consequences that would come if you were to get found out. The charisma his every action held was beyond resistance and you soon found yourself enraptured by the male despite everything.

"This is so pointless" you huffed, smiling out of self pity to hide the more frustrating emotions twirling within you.

"Yet you do it everyday", with a small nudge from her elbow you made your way straight to the lake, forgetting about your obligations as a shrine maiden, the responsibilities, the restrictions and all inhibitions put upon you in the name of god.

With quick steps you soon found yourself at the base of the curved brigde,

"Good afternoon Mr. Geto", your greeting came out in a rush, trying to ignore the warmth of your face, but your attempts at hiding your flustered state didn't go unnoticed by the man in front of you.

" Seems like you've been having quite a hectic day", smiling in his usual serene way Geto gracefully turns his head in your direction.

" Not any more than usual", calming your erratic heartbeat you slowly close the distance between the two of you and stand beside him on the arch of the bridge.

" It's really nice here", He remarked, his eyes sweeping across the tiny fishes swimming near the surface of the lake. You stared at him for a little while before finally asking the one thing that drew you to him the most.

" I always wondered, why do you come here everyday if you don't even want to go to the main shrine to pray?. Surely it's not just for this scenery."

" Hmmm? Pray for what?", Not particularly moved by your question he quizzically tilt his head.

"Well.....you know, the usual, success in job, finding a significant other or maybe even something materialistic? Although I doubt you're interested in the last one", you laugh a little to take the edge off your slightly personal question.

"Dreams come true through steadily applied efforts not praying", with his sage like appearance, his words didn't came off as a shock.

"Not the best thing to say to a shrine maiden but I guess it's somewhat true", Quipping back you just looked at him with a smile, silently revelling on your familiarity with each other.

"What about you? You never look like you're having fun while working here.... As if you're the one who's not satisfied with you're job" His voice took a more serious note and asked the question you always tried to push away but for the first time, you felt safe. Safe in talking about things what most people around you would call blasphemy.

"Yeah well, I wouldn't say it's my life's calling. It's basically following the ideals that has been written by others and just blindly following them day in and day out", just as you finished your sentence you realised how shallow and sad you just sounded but the slightly widened eyes of Geto was what made you mentally kick yourself before you hastily try to smooth things over.

" But! It's not that bad! Once you get used to-", after a few lighthearted words to clear the heavy atmosphere that was building up you were cut off with one long finger hovering just above your lips.

" It's okay, you don't have to worry about being judged with me", not touching your lips he quickly retreats his hand back,

"It's only natural to question your ideals and beliefs when you actually start thinking about them, it's a proof of growing up. I can say it was the same for me as well, I had thought I'd spend my whole life sequestered in 'that' place but...." His gaze takes on a far off quality as his words fade.

"What changed then?", Without even knowing why, you urged him to continue.

"Well, I grew up and realised mine were just idealistic views, far from practical."

"Wait! How old are you now?!", Unable to ignore your budding curiosity you went on,

With a soft flick to your cheek he snorted in amusement, his low baritone made you recognise your own rudeness as you rub the non existent pain off of your face.

"It's not polite to ask strangers their age, regardless of their gender, young lady".

"I'm sorry! It's just, your answer...... Was kinda vague so...." Trailing off, the fact that he didn't owed you any explanations dawned on you making you stop. But the sudden halt in your unabashed questioning didn't go unnoticed by the long haired man so he continued, as if reading your thoughts.

"Everyone's entitled to act idiotically every once in a while but you sure are abusing your privilege", he went on, after a few words of sass.

" It took a while but, I soon discovered my true feelings about the world I lived in and how I wanted to change it", The unshakeable conviction of his voice reverberated through your ears and there seemd to be more to the hint of darkness in his downcast eyes, but further questions left your brain as you felt genuine resolve through his words.

Before you could process what's happening, Geto pulled you in close, resting his hands on either side of the brigde railings, caging you inbetween the low wall and his body.

"How about we run away to a better world together?", not waiting for you to protest he spoke. The words falling from his lips were casual enough to make you overlook the outrageousness of their meaning and your oddly intimate position did nothing to stop your brain from short circuiting.

"The decision is yours y/n but I'll be waiting anyway," his voice seems to trail a little before he bends down, his thin lips ghosting over your right ear, " you see, I hate it when even the good gets destroyed along with the bad", with that he quickly pulles his body back, letting you have your personal space again.

"I'll come back here at 8 'o' clock tonight",

After announcing that smoothly, he turns his back away and walks off to the exit, leaving you gob smacked at his confusing words.You watch him saunter off, still to awestruck to move when you finally take a note of your own unsteady breaths and face that radiated heat rivaling the sun atop.

" Who would- even go along with that crazy idea", your meek words get lost in the now empty place but the longing in your eyes to see what lied beyond your conservative lifestyle was as clear as the autumn sky hanging above.

You turn your back on the place and jog off in an effort to escape your own complicated feelings on the matter. His casually spoken words clawed at your heart, an entire different life was just one step away and it was shocking to even you how much trust you were subconsciously putting in every single word he says.

The conflicting thoughts in your head kept you busy the entire walk from the bridge to at the door of the only home you had known for so many years and never once your feet held such hesitation as you entered the building to continue the tasks you had left behind for the momentary change you craved so much.

The evening passed by in a flash, the thumping of your heart only getting louder with each passing hour. You just got out of your bath and were getting ready to help with dinner when you heard two voices coming form one of the senior priestess's room

"I saw her talking to a man, he didn't looked like a -", their words weren't clear but one thing was. Their topic of discussion was you.

"No he was wearing a hakama", it was getting harder and harder to breath with every second. If they were to tell that to your other supervisors then it would become very difficult for you to live here.

"So he could be from a neighbouring temple, maybe just asking about something general?"

"But weren't they standing too close?"

Listening in from behind the door all you could make out was that they clearly saw you and Geto, but one thing was certain. You were about to be very strictly reprimanded for just having curiosity.

Before you could even think up of some excuses to get yourself out of this mess the previous offer of his night time rendezvous flashed in your mind. It got you thinking, if you were going to be made to stay under supervision for a while anyway then the least you could do was to meet Geto one more time so as to let him know that his idea was indeed crazy and that life wasn't that easy for you to give up on everything you've done until now just on a whim.

You couldn't exactly get to a proper conclusion, sure leaving seemed like the better option but the fact that you'll be heavily dependent on Geto for everything didn't sit will with you either. It's not like you had any other skills or connections and even if he said he'd take you with him, you weren't fully ready to trust him on that. Why would you? It's not like you two were connected or related in any way.

The meeting time was approaching fast and since it's dinner time soon most of the girls would be around the dining area to help. It was the perfect opportunity to slip out unnoticed and come back after explaining things to the kind person who brought a few extra colors in your dull life.

Shakily you made you way to the back door, knowing full well you're about to commit another offense.

In a few minutes you reached the bridge, it was empty right now, indicated that your are ether early or that maybe Geto was actually just messing with you and oddly enough you felt your stomach drop at the thought of the second option.

But before you could overthink out the negative options you sense eyes on your back and whirl around to see a happy looking Geto strutting towards you.

" I take it you have decided to entrust yourself to me?", Greeting you with his self assured words he smiles amicably at you.

" Actually- I've decided to not leave", you say, with both sadness and regret in your voice.

He listenes to you in silence, his face doesn't look convinced no matter how much you explain but he never interrupts you until you're finished.

" So, Is that what you really want? To rot in a place which binds you to unnecessary obligations?", He blankly says, after you're done.

"It's only natural to lose something in order to attain greater things y/n", steping in your personal space again he peers at you face, his eyes were slited enough to hide their true intentions yet leaving just enough space for the moonlight to give them an otherworldly glow.

His beautiful face just centimetres away from yours and before you can finish he grabs you by the chin and delivers a mind blowing kiss.

This wasn't good for your heart. Your previous resolve was melting, just like the rest of you. Geto quickly slipped his hot tongue inside your mouth, exploring every nook and cranny of it.

"Why are you going so far?", You ask, still not entirely convinced.

" Because we are the same, that's why I know what you want and I can give that to you. So trust me okay?", A few seconds pass as you both stare into each other, when you finally heave a sigh of defeat.

" I do want more than just a life of modesty,", having changed you decision yet again you look up at the man in a renewed resolve.

"That's my girl!", Almost excitedly he envelopes you in a warm hug,

"Well y/n? How exactly do you want to celebrate your new found freedom? ", giving his words a suggestive tone he leaned forward to press his lips against your ear, placing light kisses up and down its lobe.

A surge of heat runs through your confounded heart, voice raspy as you reply " Ofcourse I want to do it with you", the snickering above you made you realise the innuendo your words held,

" I meant the celebration! It as in the CELEBRATION OKAY?!", Frantically, you push against his chest to break your embrace, trying to explain the simple meaning behind your previous words but even so, you'd be lying to yourself if you said that the thought of sleeping with him never crossed your mind.

The unmarried virgin criteria you had to fulfill in order to be a shrine maiden was in the past now. So you couldn't find any reason to hold back now.

" I'd be an honor," Geto's melodious voice reverberated through the entire room and you whip your head upwards to look for the confirmation you needed.

With minimal amount of words Geto took you to a near by cottage, saying he atleast wanted your first time to be in a proper place. You thought he was staying at just a room in that cottage but it turned out he had rented the entire place.

For you, it was quite a luxurious thing, while it was something you'd love to revel in, you had other, more important matters to give your attention too.

With a soft click, Geto opens the bedroom door and ushers you in, you breathing coming out irregular, and you were almost shaking in both excitement and nervousness.

What if he doesn't like how I look like naked? Would he like it better if I had shaved? Wait- I hope I'm not wearing my ugly panties today!. While you were freting the small details, the long haired man quietly made his way towards the bed, where you sat, buring his face at the crook of your neck as his arms wrap themselves around you.

"White suites you",His voice rumbled in your ears, his tone as smooth and sweet as honey when he slipped his hand inside the collar of your top, parting the neatly tucked fabric until your chest was exposed. The sudden contact with the air and his hands made your nipples perk up. He fondles them a little while kissing up your neck and shoulders.

Slowly he undos the cloth belts that tied your red hakama to place and eventually you feel them loosen up and then down to the ground, leaving you in just your open white kosode.

Being so exposed in front of a man and that too for the first time made you instinctively cover your chest and crotch, but it was pointless really, because even your hands couldn't hide the dampness of your panties from the sharp eyes that seems to look straight through your meek attempt at modesty.

"Come on, show me everything", his eyes met yours, all attention on you and it was almost disconcerting how vulnerable his eyes made you feel.

Felling a warm rush of blood to your face, you slowly loosen the grip of your hands around your body, letting Suguru pry them off until they rested limply on your sides. Slowly you lie down flat on your back, shyly looking away.

"Getting embarrassed is fine, but there's no need to hid yourself, It's only natural to want to look at your lover's body",He says it with such low, sweet, seduction that your toes curl in response, the word 'lover' ringing in your ears sent your heart in a frenzy.

Slipping the rest of your garments off of your shoulders he gently kisses your ear, licking the contours of your jaw and all the way to the hollow of your throat. His mouth nibbed at the skin beneath as his smooth tongue caressed the marks it left behind.

Soon he latched his lips onto on of your nipples, his teeth grazing the hardened tips pulled a few moans out of you, his long hair tickled your skin wherever they fell and it took everything in you to stop yourself from grabbing onto them.

Moving lower, he soon reached your pussy, already dripping with arousal. You felt his breath on your folds as spreaded them with one of his hand and gave the smooth space inbetween a long lick.

Sucking on your clit with fervor, his arms around your hips traced it's dips and curves as he delves deeper into your moistened sex. Your moans were inevitable at this point, the feeling his mouth in the most intimate part of your body was making you shiver in ecstasy but as soon as he brought his hand near your hole you felt your thighs clench.

"Don't worry I'll only use one finger at a time to get you all nice and ready for later" Gentle reassurances flowed naturally out of his mouth as he covers his fingers in your slick before spreading your pussy more.

His digits push past your folds and buries themselves deep into your throbbing pussy, the sensation of being penetrated both new and arousing. Geto slowing moves his finger in and out as his tongue latches on to your clit again.

The sensations of being licked and fingered together intermingled in your body, bringing you closer to your release in no time. Although it was a good thing you didn't wanted to end it so quickly. He was undeniably good with his hands, knowing when exactly to add another finger or when to curl or rub them inside.

Maybe it's because it was your first time but the onslaught of your orgasm leaves you shaking and moaning wildly in the most unladylike ways you have ever acted. It was embarrassing how much you ended up enjoying while Geto did all the work.

Though he pushes you to your limit you can't help but want to watch his every movement, anticipation building inside you when he raises his head and props himself on his knees to get a better look at your blissed out face. You let out a sigh of longing as he bought his glistening digits to near your face as a proof of you how good he made you feel.

" I'm glad you like it honey", his voice dangerously seductive, he licks his fingers just as erotically, making you embarrassed.

" Let's move onto the part where you cum on my cock now shall we?", His crudeness may have been shocking but right now all you cared about was the cumming part so you let him manhandle your throbbing form until he properly lines himself up against your hole.

Suguru didn't removed his cloths fully, just loosened his hakama just enough to whip his member out.

" Deep breaths now y/n", his gentle guiding eased your mind, and so you relax your body to take him in because even if it's your first time, you were pretty sure he was big enough to make anyone ache.

A warm tingling pain tears through your core which soon mealted into something more euphoric, unbearably good even, making you cry out in ecstasy. He filled you up to the brim and you wondered how bad it will ache tomorrow. As soon as he bottomed out in you, the entire aura of the person about you changed and the room felt like it dropped a few degrees in temperature.

It was not what you'd expected as your first time. Not the painfully rough speed he started with. Not the large hand around your neck that threatened to cut off your air supply. And certainly not the cold, detached look in his face.

Even when your breathing was getting shallower by the second you still writhed in pleasure. It was alarming as to how much you were willing to entrust your entire self to Suguru who was nothing if not composed, keeping his hand firmly around your neck while thrusting his member in and out of your pussy, fucking you like some sort of rag doll.

Long gone was the mild mannered person you looked up at with heart eyes, maybe he was just different in bed, that's what you wanted to tell yourself but the lack of consent and the level of his roughness kept you from doing so.

He eventually let go of your neck, only to flip you on your stomach and shoved his cock inside from an even deeper angle. He didn't let you tap out until you came twice, with your third orgasm approaching just as fast.

The sumptuous heat from his body lingers on yours for sometime even after he pulls himself out

And you felt that the longer you stayed in his embrace, the more darkness seeped into you which would surely make you go numb eventually

You wanted to ask Geto what was happening but a few broken screams were the only thing you could make out, everything was sudden, how the pain made your vision go white to then pitch black and as your consciousness left your body all you could hear was Geto's calm voice.

" Next time you wake up, well be in a better world"

The few rustling sounds of fabric brought you back to the waking world, the dark blue skies outside with flashes of gold inbetween told you it was just the crack of dawn.

You slowly prop yourself up in a sitting position to look around the unfamiliar room.

You catch your reflection in the nearby window next to your bed, you looked the same save for the few indecipherable marks here and there.

" Good morning y/n", Quickly looking at your right, you see Geto just walking out of the bath, his mascular form only covered by a thin cottan kimono.

He was behaving normally, as if the events of last night didn't happen. So normally that you were starting to think you may have hallucinated the whole thing.

Walking towards your sitting form, Geto bends down to cup your jaw and layers his mouth on yours, the scent of his shampoo tingling your senses almost made you forget about everything else.

He breaks the kiss, gazing at your downcasted eyes, the heat from your face made him chuckle.

"Quite an innocent reaction considering all the things we've done", he smirks triumphantly at you, his eyes a mix of dark but intense passion. All the things huh. You thought. Your mind was still in a haze and it was talking longer to process your words and thoughts.

"What happened last night?, I can't remember everything properly", you were expecting straight answers, that how did you passed out or where you exactly were right now but Geto seemed to go off on his own tangent.

You were just like my past self,", were, he said. As if you're something else now. The man in front of you was changing his colors faster than you could comprehend his words and it was terrifying you.

"That's why it's my duty to show you everything that life has to offer, the entire extent of it. As long as you stay by my side.", Not paying an ounce of attention to your shocked state he want on,

" The people you were staying with before were only going to confuse you further, that's why I had to take you away".

"You are the most free and safest at my side, darling. But if you still want your preistess life back then, I'll be your god and you can spend the rest of your life worshipping me instead"

Of course, he didn't saw you as an equal who could stand beside him, you weren't even his lover, just someone below him who he needed to worship the ground he walked upon in. But even so, the fear you experienced just a few minutes ago dissipated, bringing back the curiosity that was at its height whenever he was around.

"Were you lonely?",Geto's eyes trailed up and down your face which halted in their track after hearing your words which oddly resembled pity.

" What-", the previously composed and slitted eyes expanded a little before his expression abruptly shifts, turning serious, making you flinch under its sharp gaze, the animosity that surrounded him contrasted with the previous tender kisses and touch.

With his one large hand he grabbed your face from the base of your jaw, painfully lifting it up until your entire body was a few centimetres above the surface of the bed.

" Listen up y/n, I didn't brought you here to dote on you and the only reason I wiped out your silly little shrine because I can't stand hypocrites who spread false teachings written by equally hypocritical people. It was your job to worship things you couldn't see before and now you have to do the same job for someone you can see. That's. All."

"Ofcourse, leaving isn't an option.I've turned your body into a reincarnated curse. If any of the Jujutsu tech people caught you roaming around, it'll be instant exorcism for you." He lets go of your face and sits next to your form, Geto was quite for a while, giving you time to sort out your own feelings on the matter.

You knew what was happening now. Inbetween those conceited words flashes of the warm blooded man behind the god slipped out and you had to resist the overwhelming urge to comfort the person who just confessed to have burnt down the shire you were living in just until a few days ago. Maybe your thought process was altered just like the rest of you body, or maybe you were always this crazy too.

The source of your sympathy was unknown but the twisted obsession of his was provided you with more solid answers.

Your meeting, the conversations, how you eloped together. All of it made sense now. He wanted to save you from the oppressive state of the place you had spend most of your life in, ofcourse he would. He was thinking of you in ways no one ever had. He loved you in ways no one ever will, or could for that matter.

And you,

You loved him too. You had to.

[marindram]

full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!

huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)

Marinknows.best

Location: Seven Monolith Village

Last Login: 12/31/2019

Profile Views: 101,275

About me: I love listening to music and glitter

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June 26, 2018

Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?

Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"

14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.

I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?

But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.

But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.

Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.

And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!

July 1, 2018

Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM

1. Kiss someone (who???)

2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)

3. Go to Paris

4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)

5. Go to Greenland (why not???)

6. Go to New York City

7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)

8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.

9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.

-plus an upstairs downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own

-plus an upstairs/downstairs

-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.

10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)

11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)

12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday

13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)

14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true

15. Liquid eyeliner??

16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?

17. Kill me

18. Bye

19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.

July 30, 2018

Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:

I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that

people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.

If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.

August 2nd, 2018

I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)

So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL

Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH

Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.

I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!

September 4, 2018

I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.

Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol

October 16, 2018

I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.

November 12, 2018

WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.

I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??

Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)

So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.

I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?

There's just a lot.

January 15, 2019

Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!

I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.

I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.

I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?

My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.

So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.

January 16, 2019

Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!

February 14, 2019

Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.

Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.

Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.

Same.

February 19, 2019

I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?

It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.

March 2, 2019

This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:

The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.

If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)

Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.

In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.

March 9, 2019

Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.

Can. You. EVEN???

February 3, 2020

Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!

I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.

But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!

Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!

February 16, 2020

I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?

So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING

but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue

March 2, 2020

Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))

March 15, 2020

I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I

My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.

No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing

April 17, 2020

So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?

But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??

Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!

Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.

April 23, 2020

Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.

May 2, 2020

So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.

So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.

She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.

May 7, 2020

The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.

The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.

May 19, 2020

So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.

But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.

May 27, 2020

So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.

(gonna continue this in reblog)

[midnight-in-town]

Hi so I came across your Femto punishing both Guts and Casca meta and even tho I kinda like it I found myself at odds with a part of it.

I think punishing Casca and feeling mad she picked Guts over him and considered leaving him wasn't really a consideration at all. In the thoughts he has after the weird trippy hallucination thing they put him through during the eclipse his only thoughts are about Guts. How he was the only one who made Griffith forget his dream. And when he forgot this torture happened and his body was broken.

Guts was the one he risked life for by going to save him from Zod. Guts was the one who managed to get close to him despite his attempts to keep his distance from his men. Griffith was at that point after all only human. Humans need close relationships which he was denying himself and that led to his overattachment to the one he had which caused him to end up in the situation he got tortured in. He had to blow off steam he was so upset by Guts leaving and the concept alone made his fight with Guts more erratic.

But Casca leaving isn't reflected on at all during the Eclipse. Griffith said once that a true equal was what he considered a friend and while he was talking to a royal at the time that might still be true. Griffith who was human, and despite being in denial about it, craved friendship.

An equal who didn't leave him might be something he wanted. But Femto who has thrown away his humanity doesn't want a friend he doesn't want a equal. A power play is required to prove that Guts is beneath him. He needs to disempower Guts to feel empowered. To feel that Guts isn't a equal that Guts is beneath him.

The scene where he pushes down Casca is a parallel because it is also about power but in a different way. The sequence of events is Griffith asks Guts to put on his armor he wants to be able to put it on fight again. Guts obliges excited to see Griffith recover.

Elsewhere Casca is told he will never recover enough to hold a sword again. A demon attacks them rips off Griffiths armor and mocks him and his group over how he's already broken. Afterwards Griffith hears his group come apart as they come to terms about his condition. Casca berates Guts for expecting that recovery when it not possible which Griffith also hears.

Griffith then pushes Casca down I think because Casca used to be someone he was stronger than her. It's just a desperation to show he has even a bit of the strength he used to possess.

He manages to stay in the position she doesn't try to push him off he doesn't try to do anything and just puts his effort in maintaining position. Flopping on her and groping would probably be less physical effort but I don't think that what he trying to do . His mouth is open like he's trying to say something but no words come out. She hugs him pulling him close and as he's no longer holding up his own body weight his trembling stops.

I think its supposed to contrast with Femto later and his mentality in this moment vs that one.

The first scene with Casca is desperation to show he has even a bit of the strength he used to possess. That it'd not over for him.

The second one where he attacks Casca in front of Guts is to show no one is equal to him everyone is beneath him. Guts is beneath him. In this world where Griffith reigns Guts has no power to stop anything to do anything and he wants to mock and hurt Guts. That it's his time to rule.

When Griffith is rescued his immediate reaction is to lash out attack Guts. He is mad at Guts for leaving because in his mind Guts leaving led to this. But it only led to this because Griffith cared enough about him that he would be upset at not having Guts around. Its because they were friends. So when he sees Guts crying over him that anger dissappears and he puts his hands on Guts hand in a almost comforting gesture. He can't go as far with his anger or hatred because he loves and cares too.

Which is why that first scene with Casca is only her being pinned. He wouldn't go that far because even if he doesn't see her as a equal he still gives a shit. Its why he attempts to move to her when she attacked by demons after they escape with him. Maybe he wouldn't even consider doing something like what Femto does to her.

But that caring and giving a shit is the humanity he gives up. Femto still has emotions he had feelings Griffith used to have. If he didn't making Guts feel disempowered wouldn't matter. The idea of Guts as a equal in anyway wouldn't occur. Femto is just that anger and rage he felt when he tried to strangle Guts without the caring he felt when he put his hand on Guts hand.

Casca only mattered when Griffith cared about people who he thought he was stronger than. When he sacrificed that Casca ceased to matter. She was never a target of his anger or frustration. But Guts continued to matter. Because Guts was a target of that. He wants the target of his frustration to suffer, and he knows this will make him suffer.

Just my opinion thought I'd share. Still love your meta tho!

Well, damn, that’s a long ask. xDD Next time, just reblog and add your thoughts, I also answer that way, hahaha!

Also, not sure which post of mine you’re referring to, by the way. I’m thinking this one, but I honestly can’t be sure because I also reblogged posts on the subject?

Anyway, if I sum up your take: Griffith was out to punish Guts only and not Casca, because Guts >>> Casca in terms of significance as far as Griffith is concerned? 

Thank you for your input :) but see, I disagree, because this is exactly why I once said that...

I don’t understand why some fans somehow reduce Berserk’s plot to being about Guts vs Griffith, Casca often becoming some random secondary character. For me, no matter how you look at the series ever since the Golden Age, it just ain’t the case. :))

However, all I ever wrote was that Griffith punished both of them; I never implied that their “betrayal” amounted to the same significance for Griffith, because it’s indeed not the case.

After all, as you said, we know Guts always had a bigger impact on Griffith since the day they met...

...but, while we will never know for sure, I for one am quite convinced that if Casca (who was Griffith’s right-hand woman) was the one who had left in the same fashion as Guts, it would have triggered Griffith in a similar way. 

Because Griffith is a man of influence: he knows that and how to use such charisma on others. That’s why he totally means the words he said to Charlotte about what kind of people he would see as a friend. So he uses people’s feelings for him in a way that would serve the path to achieving his dreams. Casca herself said that, as a leader after he was gone, all she did was "try to protect the dream of someone who might not even be alive”. 

The Band of the Falcon lived and worked to help Griffith achieve his dream, because they saw him as special, since they had no achievable big dream of their own (kinda why Griffith said they’re not “friends”). 

So yeah sure, Guts’ actions would always leave a bigger impact on Griffith, as you showed he said it himself, but Casca falling in love with Guts and envisioning a future far away from Griffith’s schemes still clearly stung. 

After all, everyone in the group knew of Casca’s unrequited feelings for Griffith, meaning that Griffith obviously knew too and, instead of telling her it would never happen, he entertained the possibility so that Casca would entirely devote herself to him.

Take Judeau, as a counterexample: he too had some feelings for Casca, but he urged Guts several times to take her with him and away from the group, because he couldn’t stand her unhappiness. Griffith said nothing about her feelings, because he knew that’s how Casca would do everything for his sake. 

Still, Casca was not any random member of his Band so, when she emancipated from Griffith by falling in love with Guts, in my opinion it’s why...

...she also was on the receiving end of his jealousy. 

It’s distasteful but, otherwise, why did Femto rape Casca instead of killing her? Again, we will never know, but if Guts had left Griffith behind for a future with any other random girl, I think Femto would have just killed her in front of Guts. Raping Casca, when she used to long for Griffith’s affection, was revenge against both of them for choosing each other instead of him and his dream. 

You can see it in the way he stared at both of them so many times, coming to the realization that he was not at the center of their little trio anymore. So yeah, Guts > Casca in terms of significance since day 1 as far as Griffith is concerned, I never discussed that, but Casca was not such a random member of Griffith’s band either that her actions of emancipation would not taste bitter to him. That’s my opinion. :)

Additional points: I never said he was trying to grope her in that scene when he fell on top of her as she was changing his bandages, just that “he was trying to gauge or reenact Casca’s old devotion to him by showing some affection”.

And finally, Femto who was entirely reborn as a Godhand has no emotion left about Guts or Casca, he said it himself. Thinking he’s only anger and revenge would be confusing Femto with the Skull Knight or Guts as the Black Swordsman.

Friendly reminder that Femto is not human anymore so, while Griffith thrived on thinking that he didn’t bother with overwhelming bonds to anyone and that only his dream ever mattered, it is actually the case for Femto. 

I hope I answered your points. Thanks for reading and have a nice day Anon! :))

[sassyllamaspirit]

I'd been working on and finished creating my first set of DIY oracle cards. I chose Harry Potter as my theme. Here are the card messages they I came up with.

-Card meanings-

Hufflepuff

Work Hard:

Praying and dreaming are not always enough, sometime you have to put the effort into reaching your dreams. Keep working on a task. You will reach your goals

Gryffindor

Be Brave:

Time to take a stand and hold your ground. You may need to protect or speak out for someone who is unable to do so themselves.

Slytherin

Be Ambitious:

Set your goals and reach for the stars. Tell the universe what you want.

Ravenclaw

Learning is Beautiful:

Now is the time to learn, study, and gather information. For you will use what you have learned to fulfill your highest future.

House Cup

Success:

All of your hard work is about to pay off. Blessing are coming your way.

Hedwig

Communication:

Watch for messages from the other side. Be aware of communication of any kind, be it spoken or written.

Luna Lovegood

Be True to Yourself:

“Being different isn't a bad thing. It means you're brave enough to be yourself.” Embrace what makes you special.

Professor Snape

Open mind, Open Eyes:

Are you seeing things for what they are? Or for what you want them to be? Don't let your perception be influenced by bias beliefs.

Harry Potter

Quest:

Be bold and the universe will aid you. Take action. Good luck favors the brave.

Hermione Granger

Look in a Book:

Whatever your question is right now, you'll find the answer in a book. The words you find will bring the insight you seek.

Ron Weasley

Diamond in the Rough:

Look below the surface to see your true value. New friendships will be discovered.

Fawkes

Rebirth:

Time to rise from the ashes. A new chapter is about to begin. Endings are just the start of new beginnings.

Molly Weasley

Nurture:

Nurture yourself and those you love. It is time to take care of your family and your home.

Remus Lupin

Transformation:

Changes are coming. Surrender to the transformation in your life that is happening for your highest good.

Doe & Stag

Romance:

It is time to nurture a deep emotional connection you have with someone, be it parent, child, or spouse. It is a time of fertility of the body or of the mind.

Lightning Bolt

Our Thoughts are Powerful:

“Be mindful of your thoughts. For thoughts can leave deeper scars than almost anything else.”

Platform 9 ¾

Gateway:

It takes courage and trust to venture into the unknown. Step boldly forward without looking back.

Avada Kedavra

Death:

It is the end of something that needs to be released. It is time to cut or remove someone or something form your life that is not longer good for you.

Wingardium Leviosa

Release:

It it time to take what is weighing you down and release it. Allow your spirit to lift.

Protego

Protection:

It is okay to set boundaries to protect yourself and your energies.

The Sorcerer's Stone

Luck and Good Fortune:

You have the magic touch right now, every project you begin turns into gold.

Fred and George Weasley

Love & Laughter:

Share your light with the world. Spread laughter and positivity wherever you go. Love and cherish your family.

Dobby

Loyalty:

Show strong loyalty and protection for those whom you call friend. You can help out no matter you size, strength, or station.

Albus Dumbledore

The Wise Mentor:

You are called on to share what you have learned with others.

Professor Lockhart

Pride:

Are you allowing your pride to blind you from what is really going on? Is your ego getting in the way of your true self?

Nymphadora Tonks

Shapeshifter:

You can be anything you desire. See what world around you with new eyes and from a new perspective.

Nevil Longbottom

Stay Strong:

Life will present you with many trials. Life will bring you times of joy, but also times of suffering. You can endure all that comes your way. Stay strong in mind, body, and spirit.

Invisibility Cloak

Solitude:

Although adventure and excitement are necessary ingredients in life, we also need periods of peace and calm. It is time to look inward and draw peace and quiet in our lives. Spend some time with yourself.

Prophesy Orb

Divination:

Embrace your powers of divination, which are especially strong right now. You have the ability to see your current situation with crystal-clear clarity.

Lily Potter

Spiritual Protection:

The powers that be are shielding you with a magic ring of love and light. Practice psychic protection before embarking upon any spiritual work.

Professor Sprout

Nature:

Be receptive to the subtle messages from nature as you go about your day. Recharge your spirit in nature.

House Elves

Come Together:

Many hands make light work. Working as a team helps get the job done. Now might be a good time to ask others for some help.

Time Turner

Precious Time:

Experience every moment fully and make the most of your precious time. Be mindful not to wast other's time either.

Whomping Willow

Guard Yourself:

It is time to guard yourself and your secrets from the outside world and energies.

Goblet of Fire

You are Worthy:

You are worthy. Add your name with confidence knowing you are worthy of your chosen path.

Expecto Patronum

Focus on Your Blessings:

Remember to focus on what brings you joy in life. When life feels sad and scary, take charge and remember your blessings. Create your own light.

Dark Mark

Temptation:

Don't allow yourself to be drawn in by temptation or feelings of anger and hate. Don't let the negative in this world claim you.

The Pensive

Take Another Look:

You need to look back on your memories and dreams and re-examine what you've seen. You might be missing something.

Draco Malfoy

Forgiveness:

Forgiveness is the first step toward letting go of hurt and emotional pain. As you release and heal the past, you experience more love in your present moment.

Professor Mcgonagall

Prioritize:

Focus on your highest priorities. It will help you get organized and motivated.

Professor Flitwick

Full Power:

You life is calling for you to step into your full power rather than “playing it small.” You are stronger than you realize.

Voldemort

Ego:

Beware of placing too much importance on material items or getting caught up in fear and worry.

Sirius Black

Passion:

Passion is an inner flam that will keep you striving towards your vision. Beware of letting your passion take complete control and blinding you.

You are welcome to use the messages to creat your own deck.

*this set was created for personal use, not to be sold. *

[lizzybeth1986]

Sea of Love

Book: Perfect Match

Pairing: Heathcliff Young x Rosemary Park (Hayden x MC)

Rating: Slight M for hints and innuendos, but mostly PG.

Summary: It's been a year since Heathcliff and Rosemary got together, and Rosemary has something special planned...

Song Inspiration: Sea of Love by Phil Phillips and the Twilights.

A/N: Heathcliff's personality is Pioneer (Mysterious | Sweet | Humourous | Logical). The cake mentioned here is a chai cake with orange-cardamom frosting, inspired by this recipe. The picture in the moodboard is from the same site too.

(Faceclaims:

Heathcliff: Ephraim Sykes

Rosemary: Nikkita Chadha)

Note to self: must send extra thank you note to Steve. With handmade cookies.

In the last one year that they'd been together, Rosemary knew enough about Heathcliff's cooking prowess to leave him in a kitchen without fear of burning the whole house down (and if it was party rice you were craving that day, you'd be in for a treat). She also knew that - until a couple months ago - she couldn't say the same for his baking.

Heathcliff had really pulled out all the stops to make this anniversary dinner perfect. Creamy chicken flavoured with garlic, thyme and sundried tomatoes (was this the recipe Delish had dubbed the "Marry Me" Chicken? Rosemary's hand ghosted over the side pocket of her trousers), and white wine. How he'd managed to keep this a secret until she came home from work was anyone's guess.

That wasn't even the best part. He'd baked. In front of her was an amazing, homemade chai spiced cake, with orange-cardamom flavoured frosting. It looked like it had come straight out of Steve's gorgeous bakery.

Heathcliff knew how much Rosemary loved her homemade chai masala blend (he even made an effort to stop saying chai tea, after she'd glared at him the first few times). He knew cardamom was her go-to spice for sweets (and saffron if she really wanted to splurge), and she looked at orange peel the way Heathcliff looked at...well...any pizza that didn't have pineapples on top of it. This dessert was like every food dream she'd had since childhood, all condensed into one plate. And Heathcliff couldn't have done it without listening. And remembering. And learning how to make it.

And then acting like that was no big deal.

That wasn't even the best best part! That prize had to go to his attire. His clothes were the perfect blend of casual, classy and sexy - as usual - but the icing on top of the cake was his "Kiss the Cook" apron.

What was a girl to do but oblige?

"Come here, you," she said, pulling him to her by the apron, tracing a line down the column of his throat with her lips. He shivered at the contact...for the first 30 seconds. Then he squirmed, laughing.

"Stop that, Rosie," he whispered, all cinnamon spice and hushed laughter. "You know that tickles."

"I know," she whispered, smiling against his skin. He responded in kind, raining openmouthed kisses along her jawline and her collarbone, gently biting at the joint between her neck and shoulder. Rosemary's pulse began to race.

"Keep that up and we won't be leaving this house all week, Heath."

His throaty chuckle reverberated against her skin. "Well, you don't see me complaining."

"Oh, but I will," she said, running a finger over the skin below his neck, beneath his shirt...then let it drop and pulled away.

"But -"

"Enough surprises from you today," there was no mistaking the smirk on her face, as she pulled out an old silk scarf, "It's my turn now."

--

"When's this blindfold coming off?" Heathcliff could hear Rosemary's windchime laughter, feel her soft hands as she guided him through a familiar, grassy path.

"A few paces more, I promise," she said. He could feel softness of mud give way to the crunch of gravel beneath their feet - that was how he knew they were no longer at the park near their home.

It was funny how even though a year had passed, he could still smell the rain exactly the way it was when they first met. Could still see the awning that he pulled her into to keep dry. Could still hear the footsteps of that old lady in the park, gazing fondly at them, telling them she saw in their eyes the same fire she felt for the man she loved.

Heathcliff hoped the old lady was resting in front of a cozy fireplace now, content in that man's arms. That she was still happy, still in love, still believing in the magic of love at first sight. Because she could tell already what they wouldn't realize until much, much later. That this love was a love meant to last the test of time.

They suddenly stopped. Somewhere in the distance, Heathcliff could hear the gurgle of water.

"Alright," Rosie was speaking now, "You can take that off."

The soft gurgles were from the lake. The same lake he'd taken her to on their first date. In the moonlight it was ink-black and glittering, the air smelling of just-bloomed gardenias.

Most of Heathcliff's memories before that first date were a little dim, and he wasn't even certain that little factoid he'd told her about "knowing a guy" who could allow them to use the boats at night was even true. All he remembered was Sloane mentioning it somewhere on his first day, which taking notes.

It appeared Rosemary was intent on jogging his memory of that night, because right in front of him on that lake was a boat, edged with flowers.

She placed her long, slender arms around his waist, resting her cheek on his back. "Blue roses for your shyness. Jasmines because you still make me laugh when I feel low and Gladiolus for the rare moments you show me how you really feel. Gardenias because you're sweeter than sugar syrup in a gulab jamun -"

"Hey!" Heathcliff said, playfully punching Rosie on the arm. His face felt incredibly warm.

"What," Rosemary pouted, all feigned innocence, "You know I love gulab jamun."

Heathcliff said nothing in response, just grinned as he parted her lips softly with his own, savoring the lingering taste of cardamom and orange peel on her tongue. The kiss soon turned heated and passionate, their bodies pressed against each other and their hands everywhere. He was dimly aware they might be caught and almost didn't care.

Rosemary moaned against his mouth, then practically ripped herself from his embrace, fingers still playing with his curls.

"Heath," Rosie said, her voice still coming out in halting, shallow breaths, "no more making out until we leave the boat. There are ways I'd like to get wet but falling into a lake isn't one of them."

Heathcliff let out a shocked burst of laughter at the pun, then allowed her to guide him into the boat. She settled in his arms for a few minutes when they were comfortably seated, before eventually picking up oars on the opposite side. Heathcliff's eyes softened at the memory - she'd done the same back on their first date too, telling him she didn't want him to row alone.

They rowed in companionable silence, before he heard her mumble and hum a familiar tune.

Do you remember

When we met

That's the day

I knew you were my pet

Heathcliff grinned. "Don't let Dipper hear that."

Rosemary scoffed. "You're the literal worst."

"Remember that restaurant we went to?"

"Yeah...Jade, right? That Asian fusion place. Such overattentive staff. Like they were literally swooping down to fulfill your every demand."

He had to admit - and he was a normally patient man who liked giving people the benefit of the doubt - even he had gotten annoyed. "They shut down six months ago. Wonder how much of that had to do with Eros getting a complete overhaul. They got a ton of patronage from that place."

"Pity," Rosemary replied, uncharacteristically focused on her rowing, "the food was pretty good."

"I barely remember the meal," he said, gazing at her fondly, "The company was far, far better."

Rosemary blushed, allowing herself a small smile.

They settled back into comfortable silence again, punctuated by the sound of the water, and Rosemary's soft humming. She looks so unbelievably beautiful in the moonlight, almost exactly the way she did all those months ago, in her beautiful pink lace dress, eyeing him underneath those long lashes. Her mood was different tonight, though - he could see beads of perspiration on her forehead and above her upper lip, and she was chewing at the lower one in that way she did whenever she was nervous.

"You okay?" He asked her. This was her surprise, she knew he loved it...why was she still so tense?

"I'm fine. I'm fine," she said, voice almost coming out in a squeak.

It didn't help that he'd been nervous all day too (he just had a better time hiding it). He'd planned to sit her down and talk to her after the surprise dinner...except she had sprung a surprise of her own instead. He breathed in the heady scent of the flowers before he spoke again.

"Rosemary?"

"Hmm?"

"Penny for your thoughts?"

She laughed, her voice still shaking from nervousness. "Okay. But only once we get out of this boat. I have something to say and I don't want to say it with us toppling over and getting all sodding wet."

Heathcliff raised his eyebrows. "What's this thing that you can't say sitting down?"

Rosemary eyed the pier, gulping. "Well...looks like you won't have to wait too long to find out. But before we get out...before I say this...can you kiss me?"

He shifted closer and buried his hand in her hair, knowing the slow caress of his fingers on her scalp would always calmed her. Their lips melted into each other, tongues tangling and exploring and pressing insistently. He caught her bottom lip gently between his teeth, reveling in the noise she made at the back of her throat. Her eyes were unfocused, and her lips swollen and rosy when they were done...and it only made him want to kiss her again.

Even if this was the last kiss they shared...even if the thing he kept in his pocket came to nothing...even if she never wanted to see him again after this...he knew they would both at least cherish this.

They got off the boat, walked towards the park. Sat at the place where an old lady had sat once.

And then Rosemary did the unthinkable. She knelt down.

"Heathcliff Young," she began, then stopped, clearing her throat. He felt like he knew what was coming, and suddenly every part of him felt numb.

"Heathcliff Young. I've tried this speech fifteen different ways all through last week. All the things I've practiced saying come out sounding silly, or cliche, or just downright...not us. So I think I'll just say it straight.

"I barely remember what my life was like before you came into it. Before you entered my world, before you won me over with your humour and honesty and your patience, and...God, to live with me you truly need to have a whole lot of that last one."

They laughed together, and Heathcliff found his grip on her hand tightening.

"From the moment we met I couldn't see myself with anyone else, and now that we've faced the worst together and lived together and destroyed kitchens together...I don't think I ever can see myself with anyone else. I don't think I ever want to....oh Heathcliff, don't cry."

He let out a watery laugh, sniffing. "Happy tears. They're happy tears."

She giggled back, tears glistening in her own eyes, then took out a box from her pocket. He could feel his fingers tingling from the anticipation. She opened it to reveal a beautiful platinum ring, thick and firm, studded on the side with diamonds.

"Heathcliff Young," she whispered, still on her knees, "will you marry me?"

"Damn," he replied. She frowned. "you got there a lot faster than I was planning to."

Her face fell. "What...what do you mean?"

Oh...oh no. She thinks I'm saying no.

"Well...I've been carrying something with me too. All month, actually."

He took out a box from his own pocket, revealing a gem-studded platinum ring. The sapphire and tiny diamonds winked at her in the moonlight.

"Oh...oh my God." Rosemary took a step back, covering her mouth with both hands and half-laughing, half-crying with delighted disbelief. "Oh my God! You too?"

"Yep. Had a big sappy speech planned and everything," Heathcliff grinned and wiped away his tears. "Looks like you beat me to it, baby."

Rosemary let out a strangled laugh, throwing her arms around his shoulders. "I guess I should take that as a yes."

He snorted. "Yes."

She put his ring on him first, marvelling at the perfect fit (she'd tell him later that it had taken her all week to measure his ring finger without waking him up). He smiled as the ring he got her, found its rightful home ("same, Rosie," he'd reply, "same.")

Rosemary buried her head at the crook of his neck, breathing him in. Heathcliff tightened his arms around her. This wasn't how he was expecting their anniversary to go...but somehow she managed to make it far, far better than what he'd envisioned.

Then again, that was what Rosemary did with everything.

"Can't wait to return home with us wearing this," she said, admiring her ring, then added cheekily, "Wearing only this."

Heathcliff groaned. "Keep that up and it'll wind up happening right here on this park bench instead."

It was amazing that after all this time, after taking one of their biggest decisions as a couple, they were back to teasing the hell out of each other. He laced his fingers through hers, taking her hand and leading them home. He could see her smile every time his thumb brushed the ring on her finger, and his (deceptively mechanical) heart soared.

Note to self, Heathcliff thought as they walked home, must send Nadia an extra thank you note. Both for the ring suggestion AND for recommending chai cake.

--

Tagging:

@haydenyoungappreciationweek @sazanes

[ezpezlemonsquez]

Okay, so I've heard about that theory in which princess Yue was to be the Avatar but since Aang hadn't died but just had frozen himself, the cycle was somehow broken and that's why Yue was born so weak and had to be saved by the Moon Spirit. This actually gave me a fanfiction idea, so

in this concept Yue is Sokka and Suki's child, as Lu Ten is Mai and Zuko's. They spend a bit of their vacation at their houses in the Upper Ring of Ba Sing Se. Everything is peaceful. Everything is fine.

***

Lu Ten was screaming. He didn't have any control over his body, needless to say, his mind. He just wanted it to be over. Suddenly, he felt a gentle tug on his shoulder and he shuddered. Then he felt the second tug, a little bit more intense than the previous one.

"Lu" said someone with a really soft voice. "Lu, wake up."

So Lu Ten screamed for the last time and this time he immediately woke up and sat up on his bed. He was panting heavily, the sweat dripping off his body. At first he couldn't see anything. Only after a few breaths was his vision slowly getting better.

"Everything's alright, Lu." The same voice rang out again, finally letting Lu Ten fully get back to reality. It was kind of like his anchor and though he had sometimes heard it in his dreams, it had never been so clear before. Lu Ten blinked and he realised why this time it was different.

"Yue" he whispered and lied down again, utterly exhausted, as he saw his beautiful friend right in front of him. Her dark brown hair tickled his face when she leaned towards him to make sure he's awake. For real now. Lu Ten took one last deep breath and got up from the bed. He walked to the table and drank some water he'd prepared himself in a cup. The rest of it he spilled on his head. Yue came up to him and gently touched his shoulder.

"Everything alright?" she asked caringly. He nodded.

"Yeah" he answered, not being completely sure if he reassured her, or himself. "Yeah, everything's fine, it was just, uhm..."

Yue raised her eyebrow.

"A nightmare?"

"No, no, I don't have nightmares, no." He forced a laugh.

"Right" snorted Yue. "You know, you may be one really powerful firebender but that doesn't make you any truthbender."

"You say so?"

"I literally heard you screaming, Lu Ten. I woke you up."

The boy shrugged his shoulders.

"Maybe you needed something?" he suggested and he suddenly realised something. "Wait a second, why were you even here?"

Yue seemed a bit confused for a moment.

"Uhm, I heard your scream" she answered finally, trying to be convincing. "I walked in to make sure you're not in any trouble. As always."

"Very funny, Yu. You were saying something about being a truthbender...?" he said, as if he was wondering.

"Excuse me, I'm the daughter of Sokka and Suki, I was basically born with the power of truthbending. Gotta have a talent, you know?" she said jokingly, throwing her hair behind her back.

"Yeah, of course. Come on, Yue, what were you doing outside this late?" He nudged her teasingly. "Perhaps a date or something? You know, holiday fling?" He insinuated, while feeling a bit of jealousy that she actually might have confirmed.

"I wish." She winced. "I... I was, uhm, kind of having nightmares myself" she admitted finally. "I woke up and I decided to take a walk. Moon soothes me."

Lu Ten's face changed immediately.

"Yue, I'm sorry." He shook his head. "I didn't mean to..."

"It's fine, really. Now come, you want to take a walk with me?" She held out the hand to him. He smiled.

"Sure. Let me just put on some shirt."

She nodded. After a while, they were walking by calm, peaceful streets of the Upper Ring of Ba Sing Se. Neither of them was saying anything, they just walked silently, hand in hand, being happy of each other's presence. They stopped at the fountain. It was a clear, warm night, so they took off their shoes and sat down, letting their feet dip into water. They were sitting silently until Lu Ten spoke up.

"It's a beautiful moon."

Yue smiled.

"Yeah, it really is. You know, my dad used to tell me the history of a girl from the Northern Water Tribe. She was a princess, actually. She was beautiful, and kind, and very brave, because when the time came, she was ready to sacrifice her life to become the Moon Spirit. I was named Yue after her."

"Did your parents know her?"

"My dad, yeah. They seemed to have been pretty close, you should've heard how he talked about her."

"Yeah, listen, from what I've been told, you should've seen my granduncle's face when my parents told him I was gonna be named after his son. Apparently, he cried so much. My father told not once that it was the least he could do for him for... well, everything."

"General Iroh was more like a father to your dad than Ozai, wasn't he?"

"He was." Lu Ten nodded. "He still is."

Yue looked up at the moon, thinking.

"You want to tell me about this nightmare that's bothering you?" asked Lu Ten softly. Yue sighed.

"This dream it... It comes back to me every full moon. But please, don't laugh, okay?" She looked at him pleadingly, with a weak smile.

"I won't, I promise."

"Okay, so, in this dream... I am about to become the Avatar. I can feel it's a great power, so I'm preparing myself to take it in. I'm waiting and waiting and it exhausts me but I reassure myself that once I take in the Avatar's powers, all my strengths will come back to me three times as great. And suddenly, something happens. Light blinds me, but no new strengths came. Instead, I'm just getting weaker and weaker. I don't know what's happening, but I can barely breathe. It's like, the circle has been broken and I don't know what to do. I try to scream but I can't even open my mouth. It's... it's horrifying." Tears appeared in Yue's eyes. She lowered her voice to whisper and she just looked at her hands. "I'm dying" she said barely audibly. Lu Ten didn't say anything. He took her hand and gently stroked it. He wanted to remind her she didn't have to be scared, because he was there. He wouldn't let anything bad happen to her.

"Anyway" she said after a while, when she managed to collect herself. "That's when I wake up." She looked at him with a sour smile. "Every time. No sooner, no later. I don't know what it means, so."

"Have you told about it anyone?" he asked, moving closer to her. She laughed quietly.

"No, absolutely not. And I forbid you to."

"Okay, no worries, just... I want to help you."

"I know, but please, don't tell anyone. I'll manage. So, you wanna share your dream now?" she asked immediately, trying to escape from the uncomfortable subject. Lu Ten let go of Yue's hand and smiled sourly.

"My dream is strictly connected with this city" he started. "I'm in Ba Sing Se but this isn't, you know, our Ba Sing Se. I'm in the Fire Nation's Army uniform. I have my own unit under command. It isn't big but I feel like it's great anyway. I know I trust these people. And suddenly, we begin to fight. At first, we win. We're going further and further into the town and I feel I'm on a tear, so I don't stop. Somebody's shouting my name but I ignore it. I run and I fight. I shout I don't need any more people, I'm calling off the reinforcements. Everything's great. But then I'm trapped. Earthbenders, more than I can possibly take, surround me. It's just me, my whole unit has suddenly disappeared. I try to fight them but I can't hold off them all. Nevertheless, I don't call for help. I just... try to take down these people. They're an obstacle. Someone shoots me, so I scream. I feel warmth of my blood. My vision blurs. I give more shots, and I get the same amount at me. Finally, I collapse. In my head there's just granduncle's song. It bores into my mind, I can't think of anything else, I can't hear anything but this song. It's more powerful than any thought, any sound I try to focus on. It hurts more than my wounds. So I scream. And I scream again and again, until I can't scream anymore." He looked at Yue seriously. "I'm dying, too" he whispered. Yue didn't say anything. She just moved closer and hugged him. He hugged her even tighter. The tears started to fall down their cheeks. They were both crying, because that felt like the only right thing to do.

"Don't tell anyone" whispered Lu Ten after a while.

"I won't" promised Yue.

They sat there, hugging each other, for a long time. They barely moved. Then Lu Ten cleared his throat and slightly moved away.

"We should go back home."

Yue nodded, sniffling.

"Yeah. Yeah, we should."

"I bet granduncle Iroh could make us some soothing tea, if you'd like."

"I would love to, but tomorrow, okay? We'll go to The Jasmine Dragon."

"Okay. Come on, I'll walk you." He held out his hand. Yue took it without hesitation.

"Thanks" she said quietly, smiling weakly. They didn't talk on their way back home. They really didn't feel like it. When they arrived at Yue's home, she hesitated.

"What is it?" asked Lu Ten.

"Actually... uhm..." She looked at him awkwardly, then she shook her head. "You know what, never mind."

"No, tell me, what's wrong?"

"I was gonna ask you, since I won't be getting much sleep tonight, if you wanted to keep me company" she admitted, smiling. "But then I figured you'd probably want to catch even a few hours of sleep."

"Actually, no, not at all. And I'd rather sit silently with you than alone, so." He smiled. "I would love to keep you company."

She looked at him gratefully and open the door. They sat on the carpet, near each other, trying not to fall asleep. But after a while they didn't even realise they did. They were sitting, leaning back against the wall, Yue's head resting on Lu Ten's shoulder and his head resting on hers. And when they were together, no more nightmares bothered either of them that night.

[soaringlanddormitory]

If it isn't too late, I'd like to request “i do care.” Masae/Emile and “i’m allowed to be angry.” End of the World Trio(tm)

It isn't too late !! I am sorry if this took a while, but I hope you like it regardless !! Ty for sending on an ask and ily!! Also @nightcrownsking helped me with like 4 lines jshfjej

Emile and Ichiro belong to @polar-star-dorks !!

Shigeo belongs to @polar-stars !!

Masae/Emile

They've been friends since year one, that truly explained the closeness of the two. The first year of highschool was a year that could be considered significant to both of them! For her, it was the year that she finally entered her dream school--- which she loved so dearly. For him, it was the year which he gained so many friends--- who he kept in his heart. With that alone, ot was easy to tell that this year was significant to both of them. As second year came, the closeness stayed in between them. They continued caring for one another, beliving in one another... But there was something that broke the two--- They didn't break apart, but they broke as a person--- there was something that ruined them. She couldn't smile that easily with a pained look on her face. He wasn't able to strum the strings of his guitar with glee.

They couldn't continue being themselves if the current events broke their hearts in half... and that was when the idea of Central took over majority of the school. The school had to follow the recipe as given, their uniqueness quietly leaving the school. The school had some of their precious research societies shut down. The school went through a big amount of change, and anyone who spoke against them had the chance of expulsion... But there was something more that was able to add to the pain... It was nothing but the missing pieces inside their group. People actually went to the side to accept this change... Some were their closest friends. It was absolutely painful... To see the group split into half.

A guitar in his arms, yet no music was playing...

A heart that aches, this caused no rhythm.

A guitar in his arms, yet the strings untouched...

A heart that aches, that was his saying.

A male was seen in the room, his eyes looking red, but this was most likely because of his crying. He had to take in the pain of the people closest to him ending up on the other side, when he already knew that the change that was promised by the new headmaster was something that could never be fulfilled. Equality was impossible, and he was someone who knew that realith the hard way. He did like the idea of it, but he also knew it was not possible to achieve. He thought that one of his friends from all people would know that... He thought the promises Azami made wouldn't be able to satisfy his cooking partner... He did not expect one of his closest friends would join Central without any words. He didn't know this would happen, and this was what hurt him most.

He began wiping the tears off his face as it only continously poured out--- but he tried his hardest to stop once he noticed someone opening the door... He couldn't even look at their face, in worry that they would take note of his crying face. He turned to another direction, guitar in his arms as he started strumming random tunes he could to try and show that he was okay--- but no note was coming out right. He felt a bit of relief that it wasn't his cooking partner because he might not have been able to handle the burst of emotions he'd feel since he only knew about him joining the Central side recently... "Emile?" A very familiar voice... One of the people he considered closest, and even one of his first true friends in Totsuki. "You're here..."

The feeling he had felt horrible... He was upset, and he felt as if he may have been too emotional during these times... But---

"Amiga..." He felt his words hitched under his own breath. "Mi amiga, Masae..." He repeated, saying her name as he called her his friend. She didn't look at her best either. The lack of sleep was evident with her eyebags, and how tired her eyes seemed... It didn't match the eyes that sparked in excitement on the first day he met her. "Are you okay?" He noticed how she took some steps closer to him, carefully placing her hands on his face, and even placing some of his hair away from his heas. As she expected, he didn't look at his best either, and she definitely could understand the reason behind that. "What's wrong?" He tried to hide the fact that he felt his heart throb as she did that.

--- She made sure that his feelings were valid.

"All I can say is that I'm worried about you... You feel heavy about everything that is going on right now, and that's okay." She pulled his head close, making her forehead touch his. "What you feel right now is valid, and it is okay to feel thay way... I understand, and you don't need to hide it from me! I want to help you because I care. I do care... I do care about you a lot..." She repeated herself a couple of times, but she wanted to emphasize it to make sure that he knew. "With that, I can also confirm that I'l be there for you." She felt the need to cry about the situation because of what was going on, but she wanted to make sure that she could be strong for now. Anything for her friend. "I'll be there for you, always."

Emile placed his guitar away for a bit before he wrapped his arms around her, giving her a tight hug. He didn't know how much he needed reassurance until now... And from that, everything just poured out. His tears, his mutters, the hiccups he tried to hide because of crying... He just let it all out as the girl hugged him back- as tight as he hugged her. "Thank you, mi amiga... But I hope you know I'm there for you too..." He decides to remind her that he also wanted to show her the same amount of care... Because he truly did care about her, and nothing was going to change that. She began to bury her head on his shoulder, finally breaking her own strong atmosphere.

"I know..." She began clutching him slightly, but not enough to give him pain. "I know, Emile... You've always been the kind of friend who truly cared about everyone else... And I love you for that." She allowed her vision to get blurred by her own tears, but of course she knew- it was fine to show him... Just like how he showed his tears to her. "Let's stay strong together, okay? I know we can get through this together!" She tried to stay optimistic despite what was going on, and it sort of worked... Her friend only smiled and nodded his head

"We can get through this together!"

"Mhmm! Definitely! So for now, let's do our best, okay?"

"Okay...!"

After few moments, they shared some of their thoughts together, and even cried on each other's shoulder... Even if the whole concept of Central was able to hinder some relationships, it was still nice knowing that some people would always stay by their side.

End of the World Trio

Of course this would happen again. This happened almost every day and there was no surprise. It may have been considered the norm by now because of how common it was to see these three together--- a screaming muppet, a sweet cash vampire and a a garbage delinquent. Despite sharing last names, all of their mothers were different... Knowing you have siblings from different mothers was surely... a new way to get skme friends...? Were they friends? Do the people who constantly have some bickers actually... friends? Well, no matter how people would describe them, they were a trio nonetheless.

When people looked at them, it was either they were struck in fear because of their family name being Eizan, scared of them because they know what they can do, hate them with their entire being, be indifferent to them or the least--- actually like them for who they are. It was quite a mix of reactions and feelings towards them. However, some feelings changed the moment one of them yelled. For whatever reason, people did enjoy seeing the well know muppet--- correction--- the well known Elite Ten member getting angry and see his ability to set things on fire on the spot. How this was possible? No one could pinpoint the logical reason on how this happens, but some people do find it enjoyable...

An example? It was no other than someone who was in the trio. The Godfather, the snake, the vampire, whatever you want to call him--- his name was still Shigeo Eizan.

He truly did enjoy the sight of someone setting himself on fire yet not burning up. It surely was an interesting scenario to watch. Chaotic? Yes. Amusing? Most deinitely. It was easy to rile him up and he took this to his advantage. All he needed was to bring up and insult, give it a minute and boom-! He becomes a walking torch that caused fires and entainment... and slme holes on walls. Currently, this was just about to happen. Shigeo had his arms crossed, a slight smirk on his face as he continued to look at the man who twitched in anger. "Ichiro, do you have anything else to say?" He chuckled, turning all his attention to the person he named instead of his thoughts.

"You piece of shit." Ichiro mumbled under his breath, his body still twitching in anger. "Can you fucking stop that?!" He began throwing some yells and the only thing that was stopping him from going straight up to Shigeo was Naoki... who had to be between the two. Naoki never really sided with anyone, he enjoyed watching everything burn down as he stayed on the side lines. Shigeo only grinned at his reaction and this made him even more livid. Goddamn it, that fucking grin on his face made his so pissed off. Now, Shigeo only brought up his hand and began imitating someone who wore a sock puppet to let Ichiro know he wasn't going to let this down. "STOP FUCKING COMPARING ME WITH A FUCKING FROG!"

Naoki blinked, listening to the conversation of the two as he continued to drink his coffee from the can that came from his right hand. He didn't exactly know why she randomly tossed him one, but at least it was free. "You need to calm down, Ichiro. If you burn up, you might be melting my can." He stated before smirking a bit... Okay no, he did not side with anyone, but he may have enjoyed this quite a bit. He joined in to have some fun, so what was the pain in that? Ichiro got his can of coffee and began glaring at the male who brought that up. "Are you getting angrier, already? I was being polite."

"I'M ALLOWED TO BE ANGRY!" Boom. Clap. The sound of some Can... melting as this random person lit up on fire. "POLITE?! MAKE ME LAUGH, YOU'RE NO DIFFERENT FROM THIS FUCKING BITCH!" He began pointing at Shigeo who only laughed, but it was obviously sinister and not close to a genuine laugh at all. "YOU TWO ARE JUST PIECES OF SHIT THAT HIGHLY DEPEND ON MONEY!" He began to throw some insults that could partly be reality. "AT LEAST I DON'T FUCKING NEED SOME LACKEYS, DEPENDENT FUCKERS!" He surely was pissed and he absolutely hated how this two would never understand.

"It's not that I am dependent. I only give them jobs for them to get what they want. If something..." Shigeo cleared his throat. "They're the dependent ones. In fact, they're desparate and they depend on me. They should be rather thankful that I could help them." He began smirking, showing a sense of pride in him. Sure, people may have seen him as someone who is evil... His title was Godfather, after all--- something releated to the mafia. "They owe me their loyalty, I am only giving them commands for them to repay me. Now isn't that kind of me?"

"Bullshit." Ichiro replied even before Naoki could give his side of reasoning. "That's such fucking bullshit!" The flames only got wilder and this gave a signal to Naoki to back away from what was errupting. "Repay you?! All you do is sit on your ass and do nothing to help them! You're taking advantage of them, you piece of shit!" He threw the melted can down before placing his hands in his pockets. "You're only having them because you can't do shit yourself, I want you to fucking try me. You can't fucking beat me without those stupid lackeys of yours." He rolled his eyes before facing another direction. "Tch. Whatever. I don't fucking care even if you stay this useless."

"You're no different, Kermit."

"I DID NOT ASK FOR YOUR FUCKING OPINION, YOU BITCH!"

[pokefanbri]

1st I have to say this b4 I repeat the post from fb. This is a place where I can speak my mind freely without judgement, speak my peace even. Which is exactly what im gonna do so prepare for a read. So think what u want idc, but the last thing I wanna do is tick some1 I know off cause on some level there's a mutual appreciation & respect regardless of my impression. And anyone that reads this isn't obligated to understand my opinion & I dont expect u to. With my brain its my thought process to let information out of my head so I can put things aside, observe & absorb more lol. Writing is another tool or coping mechanism for my anxieties & other psych ailments, treatment for my mental health depends on it & other hobbies in other words, especially during shutdown, something to focus on. Heck even youtube is recommended by my doctor if it keeps me happy lol. But because ill be working again, I may not have time to do alot of things I like sadly..idk i just wouldnt want to be burnt out & focus on more important things. I have a high respect for anyone working around people during this time & it must worrisome for u too, means I have to keep on my toes as well soon..its a scary world out there for an introvert but I was killin it in NY too. It was just a slow steady process with all the limitations & moving my life up there wasn't easy to begin with but I pulled through & did it all...only for it to be taken away.

So, I'm an Irish, German, Canadian,British Mut from tucson. Maternal & paternal immidiate families lineage mixed made me, including my NY blood from my bio dad. The rest is all over Europe but u get the idea. Tucson may be where i was born & my 1st home without a father & raised not knowing (were mardi gras babies btw 😒)

But NY is & will forever be my 2nd home i dont care what any1 says, I felt I belonged there. Its the other half of me quite literally.Theres a memory that's really been bugging me. Last day b4 i left it, a bald eagle flew across my path in the sky no joke going NE & I was departing back to the SW. I chose the eagle years ago cause I identify with it. including the background symbolism in different phases of my life that included them lol, but to actually see one was just amazing.

They symbolize strength+freedom in general despite it standing for the country from sea to shining sea lol. Also Braviary was always in my pokemon team besides pikachu since its gen came out lol. I've always been strong, whether some believe it to be true or not is their problem, only I know the things I've gone through. Point is different ends of the spectrum its always been with me throughout in some way & im glad i got to share it with someone that gave me the freedom I needed.

But yea I experienced what its like to be there & got to know that part of me even if I didn't find him & maybe didnt care...I feel I was meant to be there. I was in touch with my roots, lower Temps & above sea level rather than high temps & below sea level 🤣 I loved everything about my time up there. It'll always be a part of me, & I hope to see it again. But I digress.

But in regards to the relationship itself, emphasizing on what i said b4. Just as it i got "settled" in it was gone & I had no clue what was happening without my knowledge, the whole plan to bring me back, all of it, the whole chain of events that unfolded the way it did starting with leaving a marriage in the 1st place to be with him i mean come on lol. Chasing a dream that didn't play out the way we had hoped. I took leap of faith & I ended up starting over twice in 1 year with no benefit of the doubt. I still have my ny health insurance for the rest of the yr, I have to add it to my list to apply again in az. Ive been wearing the wrong prescription glasses for 6 months under quarantine & they're just now getting to stage 4 of opening lol. Just understand how frustrating that actually is for someone like me & u totally get it 😅 U want to take care of business but sometimes you're limited & gotta work around it. had all that covered there & then was told I settled, wrong thing to say & its no wonder I didn't blow up in his face right there & then 😒. But I have retraint & can control myself. Though it was out of my hands the new relationship didn't have to go sour, been just as long if not more, could've actually thrived given the proper balance with room to grow. Idk, Sometimes I honestly don't think anyone believed in me. I mean I have no debt, no record, no kids, im a clean slate type of girl lol. Yes I did end up feeling unappreciated, underestimated, a bit neglected, insecure about my body, ashamed for being myself, & I shouldn't have to feel that way at all & if that happens there obviously something off. I just didnt know what it is he wanted & needed, i wanted to help & be a good partner to this dude but why is it bad to ask the same in return? I shouldn't have to drastically change myself to fit someones standard i know, but...i needed the old him back, I missed the old us & wanted to get back to that.. Was always so closed off & probably ended up in his own head who knows, maybe there was guilt for some of the things he did & didnt want to hurt me anymore, spare my feelings any more than it did b4 it was too late.idk whatever the excuse i still don't know what triggered it all to fail so easily & i don't think i ever will. But ending up with the conclusion that I was the problem, its narcissistic to even believe that & i won't accept it. Not when he can't confront his own issuse & put blame onto himself too.. it was a low blow & literally felt like my heart was pierced at the sound of it. If im to blame its the other way around as well. My point of view wasn't acknowledged so this is my take & experiences of happened so plz dont hate me for speaking my truth.

But yea I can tell when somethings not right & feel strong empathy for others emotions. I knew something was different, there were signs everywhere since the mistrust started & during the last half of that time with him I questioned everything but sat in my own headspace as well as he did just thinking about it. If anything we failed eachother, the blame is on us both but idk what else i could've done to get through to him. That's the stubbornness, he wouldn't budge. Despite how things went down..Leaves me to think, what was the point of having me there in the 1st place, to not follow through with our shared hopes & dreams but instead spiral into such resentment for me that the interest faded. But at the at the same time...even if it ended early for him, I didn't give up & I fought to keep us okay which it was for the most part. Hindsight is 20/20, it definitely wasn't negative all the time. In fact things were great between us & acted like goofballs together, that right there is a friend despite if the stronger feelings weren't mutual. Nobody with hate in their heart acts like that, he was good, the best, cheered me up when I was down, shared interests & did things for eachother. But that alone makes me question what was truth & what was fiction sometimes ever since the trust between us started to fade. Am I in the right to feel what im feeling right now? Im angry & upset yes very, but the kindness he had throughout..he did care in his own way...which makes things so much harder.

Tripadoodle if some way you're listening, I hope u know now where im coming from. For your own benefit & quest to be a better man like you always wanted...actually try. Head my advice. Making yourself better shouldn't be put on a womans shoulders to do for u without her getting lifted in return...its alot of weight to handle for 1 person to carry lol. Get off your ass & build on yourself, learn from everything that happened & become better for yourself & the sake of others, Because it starts with u. Go to church if possible or watch them, it really does help. Even from across the country I still want u to do just as good & help u as a friend. You promised we could remain friends & im holding my end of the bargain whether u like it or not lol it was your idea during the ride here. All I wanted in the end was to not lose u in my life completely...but i should be patient i know.. Theres more space, im not contacting u directly & respecting that, eventually ill stfu lol but I feel I need this rn. I should hate u,but I cant hate u, I do still care, u had that affect on me so much that I can't really listen to others when they say ur a douchbag lol, u were still my rock the whole time even if u didn't feel the same after a while & u did help me alot as well. I see the good in people & u are good, with well balanced snarkiness & humorous sass to boot. light a fire under ur own ass & ull be okay lol. Never stopped believing in u. Ive seen what you can do, you're very smart & know your sh*t, u will go far lol. And as a friend I'd lend u my strength if I could but the most I can do is pray for things like safety/protection, healing, forgiveness, guidance, etc. Leave it to God if u feel compelled to. Give zanabell a hug for me.

God i talk way too much 😅 No im not doing any of this for attention, I want my voice to be heard as well as a possible learning experience if it had that effect on anyone. The things we learn build character & help us understand a little more about ourselves. Probably shouldn't share cuz its nobody's business, yea ive thought of that too.. But its a blog lol, Tumblr allowed it to be that space, opinions and rants are allowed & encouraged. Nothing wrong with that 🤷‍♀️ so who gives a crap.

These are pictures of the NY sunrise & AZ sunset. Clouds always get me cuz of the shapes, used to to take pics of them all the time. once saw mario holding a hammer when I was a kid 😂 3rd & 4th pic is a split rainbow, never seen that b4...either someone found the gold or its deciding whether or not to connect. Probably was connected but I missed it lol. But then I looked behind me after the split 1 disappeared & a double rainbow was forming. Nature can be scary but also beautiful