#My OC Bakari

[obsessivevoidkitten]

An Interesting Safari

Yandere Male Gnoll Pack x Gender Neutral Reader (CW: Violent and painful noncon, gangbang, face fucking, gagging and slight suffocation due to face fucking, dacryphilia, spitroasting, cum swallowing, scent marking, piss marking, reader gets their insides piss marked, musk, spit as lube, kidnapping, non-sexual bondage, gagged and bound reader, escape attempt, chasing, shocked reader, broken reader, general yandere behavior) Word Count: 1.7k (I hope you enjoy this Halloween meal I have prepared for you all.)

You had wanted to go for years to see all the animals of East Africa and finally you had managed to make it happen.

But then at one of the rest stops you had spent a bit too long in the restroom and the vehicle full of tourists had just up and left without you.

Now you were stranded in the savanna with this little bathroom stop being the only structure for miles. You were about to make a U-turn back into the restroom to just hide in until the next tour arrived, but you heard a cackling laugh.

Thinking that someone was there you turned around and called out.

“Hello, is someone there?”

No response. You turned back towards the door and were pulled back suddenly. You were quickly gagged and bound before a large bag was wrapped around your head.

It felt as if you had been slung over the shoulders of someone very strong as your captor began hauling you back home. Even through the sack on your head you could smell his strong scent.

All you could perceive was a demented cackle but after a while your abductor spoke. Apparently he wasn’t alone. They spoke with frightening alien voices that were high pitched to match the laughing.

“I can’t believe we found a mate so easily!”

“Yeah! Normally when we smell a good one the humans get in that contraption and drive off before we can catch up.”

What were they? They spoke as if they were not human at all.

Then a third voice spoke up.

“I found 'em, I get to mate first!”

Oh god, they were going to rape you. They’d probably rape you then kill you and dump your corpse for some animals to rip apart. You couldn’t stop the hot tears from streaming down your cheeks, running as if trying to escape the fate you were sure you were about to experience.

“Hey, it smells scared.”

“I like it, it’s kinda cute.”

The one that was holding you stroked your back in what was probably meant to be a soothing gesture, but its claws lightly grazed you and only brought forth more fear.

“Don’t worry, we will keep you safe and warm and fed, and all nice and full of dick. What more could a little mate want??”

As terrifying as that last part was, at least it didn’t sound as if they were going to kill you.

But that night as they removed the bag around your head and the gag from your mouth you almost wanted to be dead.

You were outside of a cave. Terrifying hyena-like visages stared down at you. Tall and intimidating, muscular bodies completely covered in fur. One was black furred, one red, and one tawny and spotted. They wore only tattered loincloths.

They had rounded ears, hungry eyes, sharp teeth and claws. Clearly apex predators.

Gnolls. You never imagined that monsters such as these prowled the savanna in real life.

You were too shocked to even scream so you just cried silently. One of them leaned down and stroked the tears off of your face.

“No need to be scared, even if it is cute~ We won’t leave you behind like your own kind did.”

They all began removing their loincloths revealing large and strikingly thick cocks on each of them. You screamed as best you could through your still present gag at the sight. You didn’t want that in you.

They surrounded you, undid your binds, and took your clothes off. You didn’t bother with struggling, too scared of what their claws and teeth could do to you if you rebelled.

Then they did something you did not expect. They each grabbed their cock, aimed at you, and began pissing. Your entire body was drenched in the foul liquid.

One of them chuckled at your obvious disgust.

“Sorry, gotta mark our territory.”

They took you into the cave, drenched and naked, and finally removed the gag from your mouth. You knew screaming would do nothing to help you since there was surely no help nearby, so you resorted to the only option you had left available to you. Begging.

They ignored you and only laughed.

“Do you think we are stupid? When else are we gonna find a nice mate all ready to be taken?”

“Yeah, you’re ours and you can’t do anything about it.”

The spotted one, the one that seemed to love your dismay and tears, licked your cheek and placed you on what passed as bedding for these beasts. You were on your back with your legs on his shoulders, pleading and crying the entire time.

He didn’t go in dry, thankfully. He opted instead to sniff at your enticing entrance, giving it a few tentative licks, before going feral and lapping at it like it was the best thing he had ever tasted. Thick gobs of drool drenching your hole, his tongue twirling circles in you and stretching you out a bit.

When he couldn’t hold himself back anymore he jammed his dick right into you, hilting himself to his large testicles in one hard plunge.

You screamed as loudly as you were able as despite the stretching and slippery drool his thick member still opened you up painfully. You were sure you’d rip something.

With your mouth open from yelling, the black furred one took the opportunity to ram his sweaty dick right down your throat. You were dizzy not just from lack of oxygen but from the scent of his cock.

You gagged helplessly as your throat bulged out with each thrust, and you were sure your abused hole was bleeding by now with how hard the spotted gnoll was pounding into you.

They began using you like a two way fleshlight, establishing a rhythm. The spotted gnoll would pull you towards him by your hips and slam you down on his prick before the black furred gnoll would pull you the other way and impale your face and throat on his.

All the while the red one jerked himself off while watching.

You could barely cling to consciousness as you were so thoroughly abused on both ends but finally they both pumped into you. You were forced to swallow mouthful after mouthful of musky gnoll seed at the same time that a massive load was being dumped into you from the other end.

They both finally pulled out and you thought that your ordeal was finally over. You gasped for breath, shaking as you sobbed.

But you were not allowed much time to recover, you had forgotten about the red gnoll. His cock was slightly smaller, and he was less brutal in wielding it, going slow enough for you to manage to feel some pleasure in this whole horrible ordeal.

Though that was almost worse. At least when you felt pain you didn’t feel the guilt that came with your body betraying you.

You felt immensely dirty and ashamed as you came.

They all cuddled you and cleaned up the cum as it leaked down your soft human thighs. Running their hands over you and licking you affectionately as you cried yourself to sleep.

For over a week after that, you were on autopilot. Broken and in despair. The gnolls didn’t care, they were sure you’d come around eventually. As long as they had you there they were happy. They cooked for you, cleaned you, reapplied their “scent mark”, and cuddled you and told you how happy you made them.

And every few days they’d breed you again. Though they were a bit gentler given your weak human constitution. Bakari, the spotted one, was always the most eager to stuff you full of his seed. Kito, the gentlest one forced himself into you less often but cuddled you and babied you constantly. And the black-furred Akida behaved in a way that fell in between the other two.

But no matter who did what to you, you barely reacted.

But one day, you were no longer catatonic. But you didn’t let them know that.

Instead you waited until they were all asleep together one night. You carefully extracted yourself from their grasp. And you ran. As fast as your legs could carry you.

You had no idea what direction you were heading or where anything was, probably why they had put the bag over you when bringing you here, but that did not slow you down in the least. You didn’t care where you ended up or what happened to you as long as you were far away from your abusers.

But even that was too much to hope for. You were sure you had managed to escape but then you heard the cackling. You knew right away that there was no escaping them now. It was close and from all directions.

Suddenly you were on all fours, pushed into the dirt from behind before being forced into a face down ass up position.

“I thought you had learned to be good!” That was the unmistakable voice of Bakari, the most violent of the three, “I guess we have to REALLY show you your place.”

“You were being such a good mate for us, so well behaved.” That was Kito. He almost sounded hurt. Like you had betrayed him.

Bakari ripped your clothes off, shredding them into confetti, before lining up his dick with your hole and driving it right into you with no prep or lubrication. This was far more painful than the first time he had taken you.

He fucked you right into the dirt, thrust after thrust, taking a sadistic pleasure from your tears and pained wailing.

It was by far the worst thing you had ever felt.

He finally emptied his nuts into you and bit your neck hard as he did so. Blood welling up where he had bitten you. It would certainly scar so you would never forget who owned you.

But even then his cruelty wasn’t at an end. He kept his cock in you as he began draining his bladder into your pained hole.

“Gotta mark your insides as property too since what we were doing before clearly wasn’t enough for you.”

It burned all the sores and tears he had created from railing you so hard.

And he was just the first… you would have to endure the other two doing the exact same things to you before finally being given a break and taken home where they would nurse your bites and clean you up and treat you like their sweet little mate.

[bunsun]

Just a bunch of random art 

[snickerblizzarts]

Dude the short I’m gonna do with these OCs is gonna be so full of religious trauma undertones

[goatjamesaz]

Some expressions I drew for a friend. I did consider making all 25 but I‘m have a lot of pending drawings :s

[starcrossedxwriter]

Babies on Board Part 1 (MBJ x Famous Black OC)

A/N: Sort of a part 3 to Falling Apart? Gonna be honest... this is just 5k words of Els and Bakari being cute lol there's no plot here... just fluff and cute pregnancy vibes.

12 Weeks

“Any concerns before we get started?” Simone asked as Michael helped Charlotte get situated on the examination table. 

Her initial response was a mere disgruntled huff as she flopped back against the cold uncomfortable material of the table. 

It would have been easier to list what was not a concern at this point. She was was not even close to done with teh process and was already ready for this baby to move the fuck out of her uterus to a new address. She was constantly uncomfortable, throwing up every hour of every damn day, dizzy and to make matters worse, she was gaining weight faster than she could have ever imagined. Limbs that never ached before seemed to now only know one setting: pain. And she knew it was only going to get worse.

The A list couple had made the conscious decision to not publicly announce their pregnancy yet. That decision had made the final week of their press tour decidedly miserable and their vacation did not fare much better as Charlotte fought off non stop morning sickness. While she enjoyed the first week of their trip, laying out on their private beach in Saint-Tropez, she was essentially sequestered to the cabin of their yacht during the final week as the deadly combination of morning and motion sickness hit her. She tried to power through but even she could not hide how miserable she was. So she was not shocked when Michael cut the trip short so they could get home and Charlotte could relax at home and be close to her doctor.  

They both knew their runway to announce this themselves was quickly running out as Charlotte had, much to her chagrin, already formed a small but distinct baby bump. Her wardrobe now consisted almost exclusively of Michael’s oversized clothes from his Killmonger days to hide it. And while it was cute and chic now, she knew it would not last without someone noticing soon enough. She knew it was not a secret they could hide forever but she thought they would have more time than this. 

The bump was the first physical and tangible sign that they were going to be parents and that their lives were about to drastically change. And every time she looked at herself, she was hit with this all consuming dread that she was not ready, that she had gone on this journey and she would not be good enough. Michael was ready, he had been born to be a father and his excitement was bright enough that she did not think he even noticed how dim her light was.

“Umm the only thing… I feel like I’m already gaining too much weight?” She paused when she heard Michael make an annoyed tsk noise, whipping her head around in frustration. “What? That’s my concern right now.” 

“That ain’t what we talked about, baby,” he sucked his teeth in annoyance, though his tone maintained its usual sweetness toward her. He knew she was struggling with all of this and the hormones certainly were not making it any better for her. 

Vain was not a word he would have ever used to describe Charlotte. She cared about her appearance and being a fashion it girl on red carpets but she never really harped on putting on extra weight or things like that. However, as her body started to make subtle changes week by week, she developed an obsession with her weight and figure. And every day she looked in the mirror and noticed something different or saw the number on the scale increase, it only added fuel to the fire in her mind. And while he understood all of that, there were real concerns that he did not want to get lost in her pursuit to maintain her weight despite being pregnant. 

She groaned, rolling her eyes as she folded her arms like a petulant child. “It was just the once, Bakari. And everything I read said it’s normal.”

“It wasn’t just once. And you know it’s hella convenient when you choose to listen to Google and when you don’t.” He turned to address his rant to Simone who merely sported an amused look on her face. “100 articles told her it was totally normal to start showing at 12 weeks but she’s convinced that can’t be right. But WebMD, which told her she had brain cancer once cause she had a fuckin’ headache by the way, is right about you faintin’ left and right??” 

“First, ‘left and right’ is dramatic… this isn’t a set, no need for theatrics.” She sucked her teeth in annoyance. “Second, there’s no reason to trash Web MD, real doctors submit that information and it is literally science…” she started to fuss at him when Simone cut her off, shaking her head at the couple’s antics.

“Ok, ok, ok. How about you tell me, an expert, you know years of schooling and residency and a mountain of debt, and I’ll tell you if it is normal or not?” 

“Well the two things are connected, in my opinion,” Charlotte responded. “When we got back from vacation around 9 weeks, I felt like I was already gaining a lot of weight so I increased my workouts a bit. Got dizzy a few times and someone,” she cut her eyes toward Michael, “insisted I cut back. But I already have a bump and it’s huge… I look like I could be six… EIGHT months pregnant!” Simone and Michael both snickered at her exaggeration but her hormones gave her a pass. “Don’t laugh at me, Michael! I’m serious! This all just feels too soon and I know it’s not my diet. I just started being able to keep food down all day like yesterday.” 

“She’s leaving a lot out,” Michael chastised, though his tone mirrored the loving and exasperated expression on his face. “We cut back because she’s fainting after her runs. And not just after runs, I bet she didn’t tell you about her fainting spell on our press tour.” 

“Once!” She cried out. “And I already compromised with you on this! And that was weeks ago… such a snitch,” she whispered the last part under her breath.  

“Twice,” he called out louder. “She fainted twice, once in the driveway and once trying to walk up the stairs after her run. She was alone the first time and I was behind her the second time thankfully. Or else, I would’ve been taking her to the damn ER. She could’ve been seriously hurt. And she’s been getting lightheaded and dizzy almost every day. Her compromise was to cut back from 5 miles to 3, which is the point of this argument that I’ve been having with her for the last 72 hours since I caught her from falling down the damn stairs. She needs to stop completely and she thinks she shouldn’t because of the weight gain.” 

Simone’s hand went to her heart as she made a small “awww” noise and wheeled around in her chair. 

“An overprotected husband and a wife who can’t slow down… you two are in for a very long 9 months,” she chuckled before turning her attention back to Charlotte’s chart. “Many women have a bump at 12 weeks. It’s jarring, which is totally fair, and can be overwhelming but it’s true. Everyone’s different. We’ll make sure nothing’s wrong. But Charlie, you’re gonna have to learn to accept the changes in your body as they come. I’m sorry but you aren’t gonna be able to outrun a baby bump. If there was a way, lord knows I would’ve done it for my kids. And you’re both right and wrong so that’s fun and please, for the love of God, stay off WebMD. Dizziness and fainting are common and there can be several causes but if they persist as time goes on, you should let me know. You are fine to work out for now but listen to your body and take it easy. I would lay off running outside and trails unless someone is with you thoug. Is that a good compromise for both mom and dad?”

“Fine, if Michael gets us a better treadmill than that janky one in the gym.”  

“If it keeps your ass from running through our neighborhood, I’ll buy 10 treadmills. I assume that’s in addition to your real push present?”

“Naturally. Diamonds, baby… lots of them. And a new car if you ever want me to go through this shit again,” she winked at him and pushed herself up to kiss him softly. 

Michael knew she was half kidding and did not expect all of those things, however, he would get them without question. In fact, he was already shopping for a new car for her and a new family car. He had not figured out her other gifts yet but they would most certainly be of the sparkly and expensive variety. His baby deserved every push present he could afford.

“Hope that Black Panther check is still coming,” Simone mused as she stood up with the ultrasound wand. “Alright, let’s see what we got going on in here.” 

Michael pressed his lips to Charlotte’s forehead to calm her as she nervously fidgetted. It was more than nerves, they both knew, she was terrified. Terrified that they had made it this far only for something horrible to go wrong. She would never admit it to Michael but she had barely forgiven herself for their miscarriage. If something happened this time, she did not know how she would survive it. 

She was thankful every day for Michael, his steadiness and calm. His face was already the picture of fatherly pride as he stared at the black and white ultrasound monitor. He was the only thing holding her together, the only thing keeping her ever present terror somewhat at bay. They waited in a slow silence until a soft thumping filled their ears. Charlotte let out a deep exhale of relief as their child’s heartbeat sounded through the room. 

Michael did not outwardly show his relief, even though he had been just as nervous as Charlotte. He was simply better at hiding it and did so mostly for her benefit. He could tell she had been keeping the pregnancy at arm’s length up until this moment. Her excitement was muted, she spoke in terms of ifs instead of whens as if she was convinced something would stop them from seeing that glorious finish line. While Michael had always been more of the optimist in their relationship, he was a bit surprised at how little Charlotte wanted to talk about or acknowledge her pregnancy until the first trimester was over. He imagined that was what fueled her obsession with her weight and the changes in her body. Those were the physical signs that she was indeed pregnant and that it was not something she could push to the back of her mind because she was scared. 

But Michael, regardless of his fears, had faith that this was their moment. Every day that passed assured him that this was different. He saw their child and future family so clearly, it was as if God was speaking to him. In a few months, they would have a healthy baby. His mind would not allow him to believe anything other than that. 

“And there’s our little one’s heartbeat. Very strong.” 

Charlotte squeezed Michael’s hand as they listened, both of their eyes filling with tears as they listened to the steady beat of their child’s heart. Proof that they had created this miracle together. 

“Thank you, baby. I love you so much,” Michael whispered as he kissed her lips.  

Before she could say it back, Simone interrupted them. 

“And… oh, give me a second. I see something that could be…” Simone continued moving the wand around, the heartbeat fading away as she studied the black and white ultrasound machine. The doctor was clearly preoccupied with whatever was on the screen that Charlotte could not hope to understand, her half completed sentence dying off much to the couple’s chagrin.

Charlotte glanced between her husband and her doctor, her joy souring into panic within an instant. This was the one moment and place she did not want her doctor to see anything that gave her pause. She glanced back at Michael whose face was no longer the excited one from minutes ago, but had gone utterly stoic. His eyes were the only thing that gave insight into his emotions, his worry swirling around in them despite his best efforts to shield his wife from it.

“W-what’s wrong?” She asked, clearing her throat, hoping she could keep the pure panic she felt out of it. 

“Relax, Charlie. Nothing’s wrong. Sorry, I just wanted to triple check but our friend has a friend in there. Hear that?” She moved the wand to another part of her belly, another heartbeat sounding. “You’re having twins.” 

Silence.

“W-what?” 

“N-No, no. That can’t be right. H-How’s that possible?” 

Simone laughed. “Well, sex… genes and pure luck, honestly. Can’t tell the genders yet but you definitely have two growing in there. Which would explain the weight gain and bump and lightheadedness… multiples can make symptoms more severe. So just listen to your body and take it easy,” Simone smiled. “You two look like I just grew three heads.” 

Charlotte let out a nervous chuckle. “No, no… I think that just wasn’t on our list of things you’d say today. Twins… whew… God’s just throwing us in the deep end, huh?” she laughed, glancing at Michael. She was excited, her eldest sister had twins and their bond was truly beautiful to see. However, she could not tell how Michael felt. They were doubling their household in one go and she could not tell if he was happy or utterly terrified. 

Michael merely smiled and kissed her. “We know how to swim,” he whispered. Michael knew he should be terrified at the prospect of two babies but he wasn’t. But with Charlotte, he knew he could tackle anything, they could do anything.

“Famous last words,” Simone remarked, enjoying their blissful excitement. 

***

New Years (15 weeks)

“Come on, bed. You’ve been on your feet all night.” 

Charlotte laughed and glanced back at him as they walked up the stairs to their master suite. “You gonna be this overprotective the whole pregnancy? You were damn near pushing me into every open chair all night, Bakari. I stood for maybe two hours total.” 

“Yea well, still too long. And you just started to feel better a few weeks ago. Bey did not care that you weren’t tearing up the dance floor. She’s been where you are. She said she was shocked you even made it out of the house.” 

Charlotte sighed as they both walked into their giant closet. Their garment bags were already hanging and ready for their matching New Years Eve fits to go back into their safe homes. 

“She has been amazing… so much good advice. And please… as if I was going to miss Bey and Jay’s epic New Year’s party. It’s the party of the year, babe. Though this year was not the same with my stellar dance moves.” 

“Drunk dance moves,” he whispered as he came behind her to help her take off her jewelry. 

“Don’t pretend like drunk Charlotte isn’t your favorite,” she teased. “Too bad she’s serving a ten month prison stint. I miss her,” she moaned quietly. 

Michael let out a barking laugh. “I love you in all forms, baby.” His eyes fell down to her boobs, which were straining against the deep v neckline of her dress that stopped right at the top of her belly bump. “Particularly this form,” he leaned over and sucked on a particularly sensitive spot on her neck. 

He loved every aspect of Charlotte’s body, always had. And while Charlotte continued to bemoan the changes her body was going through, Michael was not complaining one bit. Her boobs were bursting out of every top and her already perfect hourglass figure had started to fill out a bit more. She looked radiant and sexy as fuck. Michael could barely keep his hands off of her. All of his friends who were dads warned him that there might be a lot of cold showers in his future depending on how the hormones affected her. But that had not been an issue. When she was up for it, his honey bee was putting his high sex drive to shame. 

His hands rested on the sides of her perfectly rounding belly, which is why Charlotte decided to enter 2019 with on full display. She had Law only pull outfits that would accentuate her growing bump and new curves. She was still getting used to them but she knew she looked damn good tonight. And she was pleased that her husband thought so too. 

She let out a breathy moan. “Let me get out of this dress and shower first and then we can ring in 2019 properly.” She paused. “Oh! First, we gotta pick a photo for Instagram. Gotta get something out before the official photos get out there. I know we took those great ones before we left but… I kinda want to post one of the photo booth ones. They’re so fun.” 

“Sounds good. We can each post our favorite. You sure you’re ready to announce?” 

“Don’t second guess it after I basically told all of Black Hollywood babe! We don’t have a choice now. Besides, I’m tired of hiding under giant sweaters, it’s just getting weird.” 

“I hear you. Just wanna make sure you’re sure and don’t feel pressured to do it. We don’t owe people shit.” 

“I know. But we also deserve to share our news and joy… we’ve always done our thing on our time and I don’t want that to change. I’m just glad we waited till the second trimester. Now it feels good. ” 

Michael unzipped her dress, helping her shimmy out of it. “Are you excited now?” 

“I was always excited,” she muttered as she anxiously pulled the excess rings off her fingers, leaving her with just her engagement and wedding rings. 

“Lighthouse?” he whispered, kissing her bare shoulder. 

Her eyes clenched shut. That was their code, the one word they could invoke that demanded vulnerability and honesty, not assurances that placated the other’s feelings.

“I was always excited… my fear was just bigger,” she amended. “I didn’t want to disappoint you… or myself again. I know things that could still go wrong, b-but the fear is just different now, I guess.” 

Michael nodded as he started to take off his own outfit, carefully hanging them both back up and zipping their bags so they could be picked up the next day. He already knew everything she said, but Charlotte often needed to be pushed to voice the insecurities rattling around in her brain. And he knew that their relationship always struggled when they did not voice their fears and concerns. Neither of them were particularly good at being vulnerable and leaning on others but they were both working on it. He thought her subdued nature around the pregnancy was merely her fear of another miscarriage but there was still something that felt slightly off to him. It was something so subtle that he would have missed it if he did not know her so well. But this went beyond the typical fears of impending parenthood and he was determined to figure out why. 

“For the record,” he remarked as he pulled her over to their bed. He sat on the edge and pulled her between his legs, his hands resting on her sides. “You never disappointed me. What’s scaring you now?” 

Charlotte studied him for a few moments before shaking her head. She was not ready to share what weighed her heart down now, what terrified her. He would merely question why he decided to have kids with her and she could not take that. 

She ran her fingers down his arms and shrugged. “Just you know… scared of how fast everything is changing. Feels like we’re gonna run outta time before they get here. I’m excited, Bakari, I promise.” 

He decided to leave it there for now, knowing that she was not being entirely truthful. But it took time and perhaps she did not even know what bothered her yet so he would let it go… for now. 

“Excited enough to spend tomorrow in bed picking out baby names??” 

Michael could not explain it but he was particularly excited about picking out their children’s names. While Charlotte bemoaned the process of having to find enough combinations of names they liked to name multiples, Michael found pursuing baby name books and the internet to be oddly fun. He already had a list on his notes app of every name he loved. 

“Never met a man this excited about naming babies.” 

“How many men you tried to name babies with??” he asked playfully, gently tickling her sides. 

“Stop, stop, stop,” she begged as she broke out into laughter. She tried to move but his strong ass legs kept her trapped. He continued his playful assault for a few moments before giving her a reprieve. “Only you, I promise.” 

“That’s what I thought,” he kissed her belly. 

“Can we wait till we know the genders, please?” she pleaded. “Without that, it’s too many potential combinations to think about.” 

“It’s crazy that your mama can keep the lyrics to every musical ever created in that big brain of hers but she can’t keep names straight,” Michael whispered to her belly, causing Charlotte to roll her eyes. 

“Once upon a time, your mama was a musical savant,” Charlotte bragged with a playful grin. “Now, she can barely remember her own name. Let alone 100 combos of first and middle names. But as soon as we have genders, yes… we can pick out names. Aka review your list.” 

At his jaw dropping, she shrugged. “Daddy’s kinda tech illiterate, doesn’t even know that his notes sync to his laptop. It’s ok, y’all will teach them.” She offered to the two babies in her belly that could not remotely hear a single of their playful insults to each other. 

Michael pursed his lips before nodding. “Fine. Once we know the genders. No gender reveal… I ain’t waiting that long.”

“Deal. I hate that shit anyway.”  

22 weeks

"So Michael... this one learned how to slow down yet?" Malcolm called from the other end of the table, Charlotte covering her face jokingly with a napkin.

"Not a chance in hell," Michael joked as he gestured for staff to refill everyone's glasses. "Remember, mocktail for her," he motioned to Charlotte at the other end of the table. "I see she didn't tell y'all how I found out she was pregnant?"

"Some of us are more interested the story of how she got pregnant?” Chris joked, his husband playfully swatting him on his arm.

“Right because that’s an appropriate story for dessert?? But… maybe call me to tomorrow,” Charlotte winked at him jokingly, causing the entire table to erupt in laughter. "Michael's literally never gonna let me live this one down, yall. I may or may not have passed out right before our press conference."

"And then, check this out. Told our director to give her a minute and she'd be ready. As if we hadn't just picked her up off the floor?"

"Soooo embarrassing," Charlotte laughed. "And totally ruined my cute onesie situation that I actually had planned."

Loud chatter and laughter filled the Jordan home at their long farm-style table at a dinner party with some of their friends. A few of Charlotte's co-stars from her last musical and friends from the Hamilton were in LA for work so naturally Charlotte used it as an excuse to host, much to Michael's chagrin. Malcolm, Chris, Lin, Renee, Leslie and most of their spouses were able to come. And though he thought it was too much stress for her, he could tell that she was having a ball.

"Charlie never learned when to sit down and relax though," Chris mused as they dug into dessert.

Charlotte took one bite of the perfect tiramisu she had stood on her feet for half the day making before discreetly pushing it away from her. When she tasted it earlier, she had to make Michael hide it so she did not eat the entire thing. And now? The taste was so sickeningly sweet that it made her want to vomit.

She had not had too many insane cravings or issues over the last few weeks but when her body was turned off by something, it felt as if it was in active revolt. All night, despite the ravings of everyone at the table, Charlotte merely took one or two bites of everything before wanting to toss it out the window. Her body did not want any of this fancy stuff.

She wanted In & Out. But the host could hardly sneak away for a burger and animal-style fries run. So she transformed into her usual outgoing self, so talkative and bubbly that no one even seemed to notice she was not eating.

Well... no one except a very perceptive actor seated across from her.

"So what are you most excited about?" Lin asked. Almost everyone at the table were parents.

Charlotte glanced down at Michael for a moment before sitting up straight. "I'm excited about a lot... but I think I'm just excited to get to know them. See and experience their personalities and uniqueness. Michael and I are insane," she chuckled. "So we're in for a real treat with these two."

Michael grinned. "Yea same. I have so many memories with my pops... I'm just excited to spend time with 'em, you know? Build all those core memories that they'll remember when they're our age."

"That's beautiful. You two are going to be amazing parents. Those two don't know how lucky they have it."

Charlotte's hand rested on her belly, rubbing it gently. "Thank you... and thank you for all the advice. All of you are my parenting role models so I'm keeping you all on speed dial."

Dinner progressed and by the time Charlotte hugged their last guest goodbye, she was ready to collapse into their bed. The only thing stopping her was the gnawing hunger and craving she felt. But they had spent so much money and energy on this party and it had been her idea. So she was not too keen on admitting to her husband that she was still starving.

"Thank you for indulging me and my friends. Everyone had fun." Charlotte stretched onto her tiptoes and kissed him on the lips in their foyer after they closed the door. He had been a trooper all night and during Charlotte's planning.

"You have fun?" Michael asked as he pulled her flush to his chest.

"I really did. Though the only other party I'll be hosting before these babies move out is the baby shower. Cause fuck I'm so tired," she moaned, leaning her head into his shoulder. "You were right."

"Gonna savor this moment cause I know I'll never hear those words again," he whispered against her massive curls as he pressed his lips onto the top of her head. "But you can't crash yet."

"Why nottttttt?" She whined like a child.

"Because you need to eat."

"We just had dinner?"

"No... I and everyone else had dinner. You pushed your food around and acted if I was one of these oblivious niggas. You need real food. So what do you want?"

Charlotte's heart turned into a puddle and then the water works started.

"Oh baby. Els, don't cry."

"No... it's just, you're so sweet to me. A-and I spent all our money on this p-party and t-then all the food m-made me want to die a-and now you're gonna s-spend more money on m-me... I d-don't deserve you."

Michael chuckled as he rubbed her back. "You didn't spend all our money. I think I can afford a second dinner for you, honey bee." He leaned back so he could look at her. His fingers whisked away all her falling tears. "So, what sounds good?"

"In & Out?" She asked with a smile. "OH NO! The tacos... a-at that taco truck we went to. Fuck what was the name??"

Michael steered her toward the garage as she ranted about how delicious the tacos at this place were as if they had not gotten food from there almost once week for the last 4 weeks.

"Tacos it is."

"Thanks babe." Charlotte paused, squeezing his hand.

"For what?"

"Taking such good care of me... and CJ and MJ."

Michael pecked her on the nose before stopping. "Who tf is CJ and MJ?"

"Our children???" she gestured down at her belly, her tone signaling her appall at him not knowing her made up baby names.

"What do they stand for?"

"Charlotte Jr and Michael Jr? Duh!"

Michael almost doubled over in laughter . "We ain't naming our kids that, Els." He made sure she was settled in the passenger's seat before he jogged to the driver's side and climbed in.

"You don't like it because you haven't let me tell you the vision!"

Michael let out an exasperated laugh before he nodded, sliding his hand onto her leg, rubbing her soft skin as he drove.

"Don't think the vision will change my opinion, baby. But thankfully, tomorrow, you'll probably forget both those ideas... hopefully," he whispered the last part.

"Just for that, I'm gonna write them in your official brainstorm list," she grabbed his phone from the console, Michael playfully swiping for it. She let out an evil laugh as she added her objectively insane name choices to his ever-growing list.

"Pregnant you is a menace."

"I thought you loved me in all forms?" she teased.

He eyed for a moment before acquiescing. Pregnant Charlotte was certainly different... a more dramatic, hormonal, sour yet sweet, chaotic version of the woman he loved. And he wouldn't trade her for the world.

"I do," he pressed a soft kiss to her ring finger before squeezing it. "Except when you're hangry so let's get you some tacos."

26 weeks

“Alright, an Oreo milkshake for you, my love,” Michael handed her a homemade milkshake, the young woman practically dancing in her seat on the couch with excitement. 

After bursting out into tears one night at 4 a.m. because there was no place open to get the coveted milkshake her body craved, Michael started making them from scratch to her exact specifications. He made sure that every week on their grocery run, her emergency milkshake supplies were restocked so she never went without. 

He positioned himself at the end of the couch and slid her feet into his lap.

“Thank you. This is the exact brain fuel I needed for baby names. I still think, we shouldn’t rule out -” 

Michael immediately shook his head, he knew exactly where she was going with this. “No, absolutely not. The Michael alphabet-middle-name Jordan complex dies with me, baby. Besides what would they be? Michael C. And Michael D. Jordan?? That’s insane. We ain’t the Foremans.” 

She rolled her eyes. “You’re so stupid,” she laughed. “Not even a junior?? For me?” 

“No juniors. They deserve their own names, their own reputations. And I don’t like the idea of naming one after me and not the other.” 

They found out a week prior that they were having twin boys, which was exciting and terrifying in a mixture of ways. They both genuinely had not had any preference, they had hoped it would be a boy and a girl so they could get the best of both worlds. But neither of them minded at all. 

She moaned, frustrated. “Ugh, you hate me. Fine. What if, compromise… We could do your initials? MBJ, it's a nod but not a junior and we could find B middle names for them both and you had some M names on your long ass list.”

“My thorough list,” he corrected. “And I… am not against that. I do like when families’ names have a theme. I do love the name Miles.” 

“Miles Bakari Jordan… not too shabby. I think it’s really nice. Let’s write that one down?” she instructed Michael who was in charge of their official notes app note that contained their final baby name choices. 

“What’s another one?” 

“Maddox is cute?” Charlotte tried as she scrolled through a baby forum. 

“Yea if he was a white boy. You know any niggas named Maddox?”

Charlotte opened her mouth to rebut, however, immediately closed it and acquiesced. “Touche.” 

“Mason?” 

“So everyone can say I stole a name from one of those Kardashians? Fuck that. Nextttttt!” Michael laughed as they continued scrolling. “Malcolm?” 

“Malcolm Jordan? That’s awful. Maybe you should let me lead this, babe?” Michael joked, seriously questioning his wife’s naming ability. 

Charlotte jokingly swatted at him with a pillow while she laughed. “I really hate you. Umm… Oh I love the name Malachi?” 

“Miles and Malachi, I like them together. What middle name though?” 

“Ugh this is why I hate this! You land on a good name then you gotta come up with another name!” She threw her head back dramatically. “There are too many options.” 

“Boys… you’re gonna see pretty immediately why your mama has two Oscars.” Michael lowered his voice to talk to her belly as if she could not hear him. 

“Ummm why their mama is an EGOT… put some respect on my name in front of Malachi and Miles, please?” She grinned. “See? It just rolls off the tongue. Wow, I’m so good at this,” she mused, giddy as she took a long sip of her drink. 

Sometimes she finished it within seconds of Michael handing it to her, inhaling it so quickly that Michael was genuinely concerned, and others she held onto it to “savor” it. Tonight seemed to be a “savor” night. 

“Yes, you are. I dunno… I kinda thought it could be cute if we did your middle name for the other? You know… carry on something of your name too. But Malachi Bennett Jordan is a mouthful.” 

Tears welled up in Charlotte’s eyes causing Michael to smile and rub her leg. 

“Els… what’s wrong??” 

“That’s j-just really sweet… UGH these fucking hormones,” she pouted, hating how the smallest things made her start sobbing like a weeping willow. How did her body even produce this many tears?? “That’s super sweet of you, baby.” She shifted so she could crawl across the cushion and kiss him. She decided to just settle in his arms instead of returning to her spot, a content exhale escaping her. “My dad had two sons to carry on his name, he’s all set. I think it’s gotta be shorter. What about… Brooks? Malachi Brooks Jordan?” 

“I like it.” 

“Can we add it to the official list?” 

“Yes but… let’s pick one more back up.” 

“Michaellllllllll…” Charlotte groaned. 

She could tell he just enjoyed talking about it, putting names to these children who they’d been referring to as “the babies” 100 times a day. It did make them more real in her head, hearing them test out future names. She decided to indulge him, she loved Michael’s enthusiasm about all of these mundane and random aspects of pregnancy. He was not content with just sitting on the sidelines, he was active in every decision and step. How to decorate the nursery, baby names, the changes in their development week to week, the changes in Charlotte’s body, researching and buying every gadget and baby item that he thought would keep his future princes safe and sound and happy. 

One day last week, Charlotte literally burst into tears as she listened to Michael ask a list of 100 safety questions about the stroller they planned to buy. He was so excited about being a father, active and present and it just warmed her heart at every turn. 

“Fine but I need another milkshake, please?” She flashed him her signature puppy dog eyes, which had him up and in the kitchen before she could say please again. 

Pregnancy did have some perks. 

Tag List: @certifiedlesbianbaddie @bangtanxmegan @reelwriter19 @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @hi888888sworld @msniaimani @destinio1 @lynaye1993 @chaoticevilbakugo @blackerthings @pipsqueak-98 @miyuhpapayuh @passionxwrites @gopaperless @roguekiki @tythaitie

***

A/N: My brain sort of ran off with itself with this one lolol I just needed the fluff lol Thanks for reading!

[residualprism]

P.O.V: You're watching a documentary about the Raining mountain Pride

ᓚᘏᗢ in order of appearance- Jiona, Bakari, Moyo, Cebisile and Masika Got in the mood to design and draw TLK Oc's. Cebisile is a maned lioness Oc and my first TLK Oc. She is the 2nd cub in the pic. Jiona is a African Lion, Bakari is a Barbary Lion, Moyo and Cebisile are a mix and Masika(my TLKsona) is a liger from a program released into the wild. there's more to the story but I'll get there eventually. ᓚᘏᗢ

Background belongs to Disney

[moochingvanze]

Drawing of my OC Bakari wich I drew while chilling in a giant Fur Affinity voice chat, while the whole unfortunate situation was going on recently. I'm happy that no real damage was done to the website nor its users and the VC was pretty funny, and I got to do this artwork too, wich is nice.

[morguemaw]

I have thought of more questions.

Which of your ocs was the most fun to design?

Who was the least fun to design?

Who's the most fun to draw?

Who's the least fun to draw?

What was your favorite concept for an oc?

Who do you think about the most?

And have you ever completely forgotten about one of your ocs?

[Absolutely loving being able to ask questions about ocs. It's so much fun listening to artists talk about their different characters and seeing all the pretty designs they come up with! =3]

AHSAHGA I GOTTA REDO THIS FUCK. I HAD A WHOLE THING DONE AND TUMBLR SHIT ON ME <333

BUT YES I LOVE THESE!!! RAUHRSJISGKHKSJHH

Which of your ocs was the most fun to design?

Sinfetti! His name is Bakari now but he was a oc i made from alot of scrambled ideas i decided to slam together

Who was the least fun to design?

Sadly Angie tbh. . .

Who's the most fun to draw?

Gutsy!! It seems obvious but yea lmao i love drawing him :D

Who's the least fun to draw?

Endo, i dont know if i want him to have a humanoid face or a furry one, he looks shit with the snoot but i refuse to remove the nose :)))))

What was your favorite concept for an oc?

Gutsy again!! Idk he is super diverse with what i can do with him :D

Who do you think about the most?

Rot fr, he was the first oc i ever got that was a ' dreamie ' and i connected hardcore with him!

And have you ever completely forgotten about one of your ocs?

Yes, actually, i have a discord server full of adopted ocs/old ocs with refs, some i remember loving alot, the first oc i ever fully forgot about was my first fursona, Olki

[project-feive]

S9M14 spoilers in a way? Also talks about some of the canon changes I made because canon means nothing to me

After S9M14 with my canon changes of Callista not willingly volunteering to take the biodata in her blood and instead being forced to with those she trusted not helping her while she tried to fight back because this was for “the greater good of humanity”

Sam: I get that you’re angry-

Callista, crying: I am not angry! I am in pain! AND YOU PUT ME HERE!

Sam:

Callista: The person that was supposed to love me more than anything…

[bunsun]

[purple-chaos-buttonmaster]

Reya was walking to the lake in the center of the oasis. It was early in the morning, so it wasn’t too hot for her. She knelt down to fill the amphora, looking up at the sky. It seemed one of the rare thunderstorms as coming soon. A perfect time to stay inside and weave. As she stood, she saw a figure stumbling through the sand to the village. Strange, it wasn’t time for Astes to be back from the early morning hunt and no traders were coming any time soon.

@quiet-heart

[sunshine-and-koko]

Brothers will be brothers.

[judediangelo75]

Hello everyone~

I would like you to meet Bakari Avian Winger, Judith and Talbott’s eldest son. Featuring his grandparents, Kendrick Harris and Ava Winger. They’re still dead but Judith and Talbott have a way to reaching their dead parents from time to time so Bakari at least gets to meet them.

This is a bit of a photo dump so you can’t tell too much about him but at least you know what he looks like.

As you can see, he’s a bit of a mix Judith and Talbott. While he looks mostly like Judith facial feature wise (and her dark brown hair) (also notice the cut in the eyebrow like Kendrick), he looks a bit like his dad too (the red eyes, skin color (notice Ava’s skin tone), and the bit of color gradient in his hair). 

He’s his parents’ pride and joy.

He’s a curious, quiet kid. He loves to read and be outside. He’s sarcastic like his parents and sassy like his mama (he’ll learn to be petty too).

He wants to learn everything that he’s parents do (their professions) and learn about their younger years. Sometimes he’ll go snooping in his parents’ things, mainly his mama as you can see lol.

He’s overall a sweet kid.

And he does become an Animagus like his parents (just in case anything were to happen). His form is a Peregrine Falcon, why his nickname is “Little Falcon” (dubbed by his mama and grandpa).

I’ll go more in depth about Bakari later.

[starcrossedxwriter]

Built for Love Part 12 (MBJ x Famous Black OC)

A/N: Our favs are back!! And trying to recover from everything. Enjoy!!

***

“You know you don’t gotta hide looking at it, right?” Michael leaned over to mutter in her ear as he rounded their island to the sink. 

Charlotte’s gaze fell to the side as she bowed her head in slight embarrassment at being caught examining the perfect rock on her finger. 

It had been days since the proposal and she was still unaccustomed to it, the weight of it on her finger and the weight of what it meant to them both. She had spent countless nights fantasizing of what a life with Michael could be and now her fantasies were coming true. She constantly found her eyes drawn to it throughout the day as she questioned whether the proposal was really real or merely a dream. 

They had not told a soul about their engagement yet, not even their families. While they wanted to share the exciting news with everyone, they felt this was not something they wanted to share over the phone. And they planned to go home to LA at the end of the month for Easter weekend as Charlotte had some time off. They also knew once they told their families, there was no guarantee they would be able to keep it secret for long. And they were not ready to tell the world just yet. Charlotte was still healing and reeling from Shaun’s attack and not used to being the center of social media debates and conversation or a hot topic on talk shows. And they knew their engagement would only draw more attention to her and them that they did not want just yet. 

Tomorrow would be her first day back at work, and really her first time leaving their house for more than a walk around their neighborhood. Throughout the entire day, Michael would have been lying if he said a significant part of him had not hoped she would wake up and realize she needed more time to recover. And while skillful makeup and the facade of a performer would earn her praise on social media and in the media for returning to normal so quickly, in private things were still far from normal. 

“Sorry,” she laughed. “I feel crazy but I can’t take my eyes off it, it’s fuckin’ gorgeous.” 

Michael’s face lit up at her praise. He had picked well. “I know, I’ve caught you staring at it nonstop for the last couple days.” 

“Well you did good.” She stood and kissed him on the cheek before walking over toward the couch to grab the remote. “Wanna watch another episode of Housewives before we head to bed? We’re so far behind on this season,” she grumbled to herself as she turned on their tv. 

“Sure but first, we need to talk.” 

Charlotte groaned, those were words no person in a relationship ever wanted to hear. And she knew exactly what he wanted to talk about. She and Michael rarely argued, she could count the number of them on one hand. However, she knew this one had been brewing slowly as her return to work drew closer. She was honestly surprised he let it go this long. Wishful thinking, she supposed, that he would not say anything at all. 

“If it’s about what I think it’s about, then we already talked about it days ago and came to an agreement, Bakari. Hence the very scary former special forces white man that’s gonna play my shadow for months,” she mumbled in annoyance. 

It was not that she did not understand the point of security, she did. But that did not stop her from resenting the fact that she needed it, this human barrier that sat her apart from the masses as if she were too important or too fragile. It felt unnecessary and ridiculous but acquiescing to this request was the only way Michael would agree to let go back to the theater so early. So her frustration seemed to double at the idea that he wanted to revisit this conversation after she already compromised.  

“Well, I’d like to reopen the discussion.” 

Charlotte rolled her eyes as she settled on the couch, her movements were still stiff, her body not fully healed but she felt well enough to perform. Unfortunately, her fiancée did not share her opinions on her healing process. 

“I’m fine and I’m going back to work tomorrow. I agreed to have security at your insistence. There’s really nothing to discuss.” 

“I disagree.” Michael’s arms were folded and his face stern as he perched on the arm of their sectional. “You’re still having nightmares and you’re still in pain. I mean can you even dance?” 

Truth be told, he was shocked he was even having to fight her on this. He just knew she would get to the weekend and see how little her healing had progressed and ask for more time off. That she had taken his concerns for her well being and safety seriously and was going to change how she pushed herself to the limit. However, instead he found that she was dead set on it, rehearsing and preparing for work as if nothing was wrong. But in his opinion, everything was wrong. 

While he would admit she was handling it better than he would have expected, she was still not ok. She was still in pain despite her attempts to hide it from him. She was far more jumpy than she ever was before. And aside from the night he proposed, she woke them both up with nightmares every single night. Some were marginally better than others but they were a reminder that while her physical injuries would heal in a linear fashion, her trauma would not. They were in for months of steps forward and steps backwards. And though he knew she could not realistically take months off, he wanted her to consider, at least, taking another week to get on stronger footing. 

The engagement helped them both, provided some light and hope at the end of the tunnel and they both clung to it for dear life in their own ways. But he knew that was a fleeting feeling, the happiness and joy of the engagement would not be enough to overshadow the trauma and pain she felt forever, no matter how much she focused on that. 

She sucked her teeth. “You know before you, I danced through a hell of a lot worse than a few bruises and a concussion. I’m fine.” 

“That ain’t the sellin’ point you think it is. Your body needs rest. The doctors said you’re lucky he didn’t damage your vocal chords from choking you, you don’t need to be singing for 2 hours a night. Also you don’t even know what effect going back there will have on you.”

Charlotte scoffed. “One, my voice is fine. I practiced last night.” Though she wasn’t going to admit that it was extremely hard and painful to sing. “I’ll be fine! He what? Scared me a couple of times there? It’s not like he attacked me in the theater. It’s not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?? You almost dying isn’t a big deal??” 

“You know what I mean! Look, I think I have a bit more experience dealing with PTSD than you do. I feel well enough to perform so I’m gonna. That’s that.”

“So I don’t even get a say? Get to give you my opinion at all?” 

Charlotte crossed her arms like a petulant child, her annoyance at having this discussion again shutting down any opportunity for her to hear his side or perspective. In her opinion, the time for his opinions had passed. “Well, it’s my career, not yours. It’s my body, not yours. I am the victim of a stalking, sociopath, not you. Why would you get a say in it? I know we’re engaged but that doesn’t mean I’m not my own person anymore.” 

“I know you’re your own person. But you also don’t get to make unilateral decisions, Charlotte! You making unilateral decisions is why we’re in this situation!” 

Charlotte scoffed. “And there it is… if you want me to take your opinion seriously, then admit what’s really going on here. This isn’t about me o-or my injuries or any stupid shit like that. You know I can perform just fine. You don’t trust me to take care of myself, you’re pissed that I took away your opportunity to save me and now you don't want me out of your sight.” 

“Well in my sight, he can’t fuckin’ try to kill you again.” 

She threw her hands up in the air. “Well, between the special forces nigga you forced me to hire and the venue security, I don’t see that happening! Also despite what you clearly think, I can take care of myself!” 

Michael’s eyes almost bugged out of his head. “You can take care of yourself? So that bruise on your side? On your face? Your concussion and stint in the hospital, were you just warming up during all those fights? Because I sure as fuck ain’t gonna forgot having to pull him off you while he tried to choke the life out of you any time soon! He’s out on bail and out in the world and I love you but no, you can’t defend yourself against him. You ain’t gonna act like I’m crazy for being worried.” 

“‘I can’t defend myself??’ So you think I’m weak?” For some reason, that struck a nerve so deep in her that she felt herself quickly transitioning from annoyance and frustration to full blown rage. 

“No that’s no-” 

“Well that’s exactly what you just said! I’m weak and defenseless and need you to take care of me. I mean, is that what you really think of me? Because if so, why would you even want to date, let alone marry, someone you think so little of?” 

“That’s not what I think!” He yelled, his frustration getting the better of him as he abruptly stood up from his seat and threw his hands in the air. He turned away from Charlotte to take a deep breath and collect his thoughts. 

However, when he turned around, he felt his heart break slightly as he took in her form. He would take a hundred versions of her yelling at him over the petrified woman who sat before him now. Her entire body trembled with fear as she avoided his eyes and moved herself to the edge of the couch as if she was ready to escape at a moment’s notice. Her ragged breathes filled their living room as she tried to calm down. 

Michael could not figure out what happened until he replayed the last 30 seconds in his own head, quickly realizing that she was fearful that he was going to strike her. 

And these were the moments that made all of this so hard for him. This was not the first time in their relationship that something triggered her, but her reactions were so visceral now that they knocked the wind out of him. He hated himself for letting his anger get the best of him to the point that he forgot to prioritize her healing and health. He never wanted her to think he would ever do something to hurt her, never wanted her to think he was like Shaun in the slightest. 

He desperately wanted to rush to her side and envelope her in a hug, assure her that he would never - no matter what - raise a hand to her. But he had enough experience with this to know that she had to choose to come to him, had to choose to trust that his touch was gentle and safe. That was not something he could force on her. So he steered himself to the cushion of the couch and sat down. 

“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to scare you. You know I’d never hurt you. Just take a few deep breaths and when you’re ready to talk, let me know.” 

Charlotte just nodded as she buried her face in her hands for a few moments. She repeated the same mantra she did after nightmares and when she was feeling like there was no safety or security anywhere for her. Her therapist had told her to make a list of everything and everyone who made her feel safe and the very short list had Michael at the top. 

Michael is safe. Michael is home. Michael is safe. He doesn’t hurt you, he makes you feel protected and whole.

It was a small thing but it had become an anchor after nightmares or when memories flooded her mind. Michael was safe and he would never harm her. She would not claim to know everything but she certainly knew that. It took a few minutes as she repeated those words over and over under her breath, and her fingers twisted her engagement ring on her finger. Another coping mechanism she had turned to. That ring meant so much, representing the depths of his love for her. And that was another anchor to her reality, and a reminder that Shaun could invade her sleep and her mind but he could not take anything away from her if she did not let him. 

“I-I’m s-sorry,” she whispered. “I k-know you wouldn’t… I just…” she struggled to find the words to express the chaotic jumbled up mess that was her own mind. But now, she did not even care about the show anymore, part of her just wanted him to not be upset with her. “I d-don’t want you to be mad. I-If you want me to stay, I’ll stay. Ok? I’ll call Chris and I’ll stay.”

Michael immediately shook his head and moved to sit by her, unable to keep his distance. He tentatively touched her bare knee, rubbing it gently as she relaxed into his touch. “I’m sorry, Els. I’m not mad at you. And I don’t want you not to go just to appease me. I’m just… fuckin’ terrified. If you go back and something else happens to you, I’ll never forgive myself. And security or not, the only person I trust with your safety right now is me and I know I can’t be there every day to protect you. But here? I can protect you, I can…” he sighed. “I’m just having a hard time l-letting go.” 

She wiped away a few falling tears. “I know… I get it. Going isn’t easy for me either,” she clarified. “I just… know I have to. I would happily stay in this house with you forever. But I know I can’t… I h-have to go and prove to the world and myself that he didn’t destroy me… that I’m not weak. I’m terrified he’ll be there o-or pop up somehow. But I might feel that way for a long time and I can’t stay here with you forever. That’s what he wants, power over us and our lives and I can’t give him that. But I can’t do that if the one person who knows me better than everyone else thinks I’m too weak to do it.”

“You’re right. You’re right. You’re strong and if you feel like you’re ready, I don’t get to argue with that. I’m sorry… this is just… harder than I thought it’d be.” 

Charlotte shook her head and turned to him. “No, don’t apologize for being overprotective. You’re dealing with trauma just as much as I am. We got a bit caught up in the engagement and… planning for the future doesn’t mean we don’t have to deal with what’s going on right now. I know it’s hard for you too.” 

“Sorry… I don’t wanna be overbearing. I just want to keep you safe.”  

She chuckled. “You’ve barely let me out of this apartment in a week… the overbearing ship has sailed. But that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it. But I have to do this tomorrow, and I hope you can respect that.”

Michael leaned in and kissed her softly, cupping her face with his hand. He felt her slightly flinch beneath him as he accidentally grazed a healing bruise. However, she did not pull away and returned his kiss earnestly. 

“They’ll go away,” she whispered against his lips, kissing his cheek as his eyes darkened. “I’ve gotten used to them.” It was as if her body was so used to it, the bruises and pain barely phased her. 

“I’ll never get used to seeing bruises on you, baby.” He pushed her wild curls behind her ear. “You’re the strongest person I know, by the way. I don’t think you’re weak and you shouldn’t either. It takes so much strength to survive all you have.” 

Charlotte felt her eyes go a bit teary. She did not know why the words mattered so much coming from him but they did. Perhaps, it was just the way she wanted him to see her and everything they were going through threatened that image of perfection and strength she always strived for, that image of deservedness she felt she had to maintain to keep him. She needed him to see her as the woman he would want to spend the rest of his life with, not a traumatized broken thing he had to put back together. 

“Thank you for saying that.” 

He opened his arms and she quickly settled into them, immediately feeling more at ease than she had before. He leaned back on the couch and turned the tv on to their mindless favorite show, the Real Housewives of Atlanta. It was mainly Charlotte’s guilty pleasure but Michael could not deny that it had sucked him in too. 

“Thank you,” she whispered as they watched the show. 

“For what?” 

She smiled. “For caring enough about me and my health to be overbearing. I w-wouldn’t have survived all this without you.” 

She shifted into his lap to kiss him deeply. However, before she could take it too far, he stopped her and broke their kiss. 

“You have an early day tomorrow. Not tonight.” 

Charlotte opened her mouth to retort but Michael’s attention had already shifted away from her and back to the antics of the housewives. She hoped the night of their engagement had not been some odd anomaly and that they were truly back on track. Sex was not the end all be all of their relationship but she knew how important it was to both of them. And it did not bode well to her that they had only been intimate once in a week, injuries or no injuries. But she also knew she was not up for another difficult conversation tonight and she knew that that was one she would most certainly lose so she merely settled against his chest to watch their show, tucking the information away for discussion later.  

***

“I-I guess I should leave this here?” She mused, a sad expression on her face as she examined her ring. “I can’t wear it on stage.”  

Michael raised an eyebrow as he studied her and the expression on her face. “You don’t gotta take it off if you don’t wanna.” 

She shook her head. “Chris texted, the paparazzi and reporters are already at the theater so it’ll be all over the gossip sites before lunch if I wear it. It just feels weird to take it off.”

“You sure you gotta go this early?” 

She nodded. “Yea I haven’t done the choreo or anything in almost a week. Gotta practice, make sure I can actually move fully and everything.” She glanced over to him and offered him a suggestive wink. “I could be persuaded to go a little later if you help me warm up.” She grabbed his sweater and pulled him in for a kiss. 

He chuckled and kissed her. “You’re still injured.” 

She wrinkled her nose in confusion. “That wasn’t a problem the other night?”

“Well… we both had an emotional day and were caught up in the moment and shit. I’d feel better if we waited till you heal fully. Just like I’d feel better if you take it easy today.” 

Saying no to her was easily the hardest thing Michael ever had to do. But after seeing her last night, seeing her genuinely afraid that he was going to hurt her, he could not risk doing anything that could trigger her again, at least not until he was sure she was healed emotionally and physically. It sucked and it would mean many cold showers in his future but it was for the best. 

However, Charlotte was not a mind reader. All she felt was the cold slap of rejection from the man she loved. Charlotte found his response odd but she decided not to press it. She supposed the night of their engagement was just a heat of the moment sort of thing. This was, after all, not her most attractive state. 

“I’ll be fine, Bakari.” 

“I could come with you?” 

Charlotte bit her lip as she stifled the immediate yes that bubbled to the surface. As she watched him yawn, she suddenly felt the weight of how much of a burden she was to him. All he had done was adjust his life to hers so she could heal. She just wanted to feel like his equal again and that meant she could not rely on him for everything. 

“Thanks for the offer but I’m good. I’ll be fine.” She tried to make her voice sound sure and decisive, despite the doubt on his face. “Besides, let me worry about you for once. You need sleep without me screaming you awake, babe. You’re exhausted.” 

Michael could not disagree more but something in her tone made him want to acquiesce to her words, despite his reservations. She was not wrong that he could use some true uninterrupted rest. 

“You sure? I really don’t mind coming, nothing wrong with needing some extra support.” 

Charlotte stopped herself from taking him up on the offer. “I know… But I got Adam and we’ll be just fine.”

“You sure?” He walked over and tilted her chin up to examine the bruising on her face. 

She had not finished putting on her make up yet. They were looking better and better each day, though they were not healing fast enough for Michael’s liking. His eyes darkened slightly, Charlotte rubbing his bare arm. 

“I’ll be back to my perfect flawless self soon, promise.” She pecked him on the nose. “And yes, I promise. I know you got shit to do.” 

She walked back to their master bathroom to finish her routine. She took extra care to ensure every bruise and cut was adequately covered before she finished getting dressed. It was like riding a bike, remembering all the techniques to hide the damage he caused. By the time she was done, her skin looked unblemished enough to pass the test with any photographer. 

As she walked around their bedroom, gathering all of her things for the show, she forced herself to think positively as images of Shaun flashed in her mind. She refused to give in to them though. He had taken so much, she refused to let him take this too. 

“Got everything? Baby?” Michael called, pulling Charlotte out of her thoughts, putting his hand on the small of her back when she did not register him. . 

She jumped slightly at his touch. She tried to play it off but she could tell he noticed in how his eyes softened slightly.  

“Yea, yea sorry. Was in my own head. I’m ready. Adam’s been waiting for me downstairs, I should go.” 

She kissed him on the cheek and threw him a soft smile before heading toward the door. She grabbed her keys and her bag as she moved through the living room. However, the ding of the elevator as it opened left her paralyzed, unable to force herself to cross the threshold out of her cocoon and into the real world again. A wave of panic washed over her at leaving for the first time alone and going back there, where he was. She tried to remind herself that he was not there but then all the nightmares of the last week came rushing back. She did not talk about them, particularly not to Michael, because she knew he would never have let her leave if she did. But she could not stop herself from thinking of the worst case scenario now. 

Was she a complete fool for leaving her one and only safe space to give him another opportunity to hurt her? She got lucky twice but she had a sickening feeling Shaun would not error a third time if given the chance to finish the job. All week, had she been completely deluded for believing he would not be so foolish as to try to hurt her again? But when had he ever cared about restraining orders or police? The law had not once stopped him for exercising his control, power, and revenge over her when he really wanted to. Why would it now? 

A voice rang out loudly in her head, encouraging her to turn right around and retreat into her bed with Michael where it was safe. But another voice demanded she put one foot in front of the other and face him head on again. She did not cower before, she could not now. It was all just too much, too scary, too much to consider for one person. 

“Els, baby… Focus on me.” 

She glanced up from the floor to find Michael standing in front of her, his face twisted up in concern. She did not understand what was wrong until she heard them, the shallow quick breaths that filled their quiet foyer that belonged to her.

“That’s it, breathe. You’re ok. Just got a little overwhelmed,” he whispered to her as he took slow deep breaths with her. He knew it was too much too fast. But when it came to her career, Charlotte was the first person he had ever met that was more stubborn than him. 

He cradled her head into the space between his neck and shoulder, Charlotte taking deep breaths of his cologne and natural scent. His arms were tightly wrapped around her. She would have thought it would be suffocating during a panic attack but it was grounding to her, his touch, his soft whispers in her ear.

“I-I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I-I can do it… I can do it.” 

“Hey, look at me, honeybee.” He waited until her glossy eyes were on him before he said, “I know nothing I can say will stop you from going today. But it’s ok if you’re not ok yet, Charlotte. Being scared and honest about that doesn’t make you weak and it doesn’t mean he wins. It doesn’t tell the world you're powerless. It tells them you’re human. And it’s ok to need and want extra support. All you gotta do is ask, baby.” He kissed her ring finger, which was now bare as she had taken it off in their room. “You never gotta do anything alone again. Understand?”

Charlotte glanced up at the ceiling to stop the floodgates from opening. “I j-just feel like such a burden to you these last few days. You’ve done nothing b-but take care of me,” she whispered. “I need to go… I know I do. I have to go, Bakari. B-but I don’t think I c-can go without you. With you is the only place I f-feel safe right now.” 

He kissed her temple. “You’ve never been and will never be a burden to me, love. Give me five minutes.” And with that, he disappeared back into their bedroom.

Charlotte sat down in one of their living room chairs and placed her head in her hands. She hated how quickly she caved. She could not even make it out of their house, let alone to work. She choked back a small sob, this was not how she saw her triumphant return going down. She felt ashamed of herself for not being stronger, for not holding it together better. She just wanted to be strong again, herself again, but that felt farther away than she would have liked. 

“Whatever you’re thinking, Els, stop it. You’re going, that’s what matters… not what support you need to do it. This isn’t a bad thing.” 

She wiped her tears away and took a deep breath before nodding. She was doing the best she could. And that would have to be enough. 

“You’re right, you’re right. Let’s go.” 

Michael interlocked his fingers with hers as he led her back to the elevator. With his presence by her side, stepping into the elevator and the ride down seemed for less jarring, though she could feel her heart racing slightly. She was thankful to find their street void of paparazzi and cameras when they exited. 

Michael, a saint, used the car ride to distract her, sharing updates on Black Panther prep he was about to start. She listened intently as he explained the new diet and workout regime he would have to follow to get the build required for the character. He had no insight to the plot but he shared some directions he thought they might go in based on the comic lore. Listening to him talk about work for 20 minutes was the exact distraction she needed and she was thankful to him for it. 

His musings carried them the entire 20 minute ride to the theater, Charlotte not surprised but annoyed to find a crowd of cameras and people right outside the entrance staff used. 

“Shit. Is almost dying really that interesting to anyone??” She remarked to Michael as Adam asked them to pause while he studied the terrain. He had explained to them yesterday that he had already gone to the theater and done his usual recon. Charlotte could not help but roll her eyes at that. She was not the damn pope or Queen Charlotte herself… she was just Charlie. 

“Well, being attacked on the opening night of your show is shocking so it’s newsworthy to someone.”  

“It’s weird,” she decided. Charlotte liked that her star was a small one. She did not want or care for fame, never wanted to be one of those celebrities that called the paparazzi to follow their every move. She wanted to do what she loved but she also wanted a quiet life, one with some modicum of privacy. 

“Ready when you are, Ms. Bennett.” 

She took a deep breath, sliding her shades onto her face. Michael pressed his lips to her hand, which was still interlaced into his. He had only let her go once to get in the car. 

“I’m right beside you.” 

“I know you are,” she responded sweetly. “Ready.” 

Adam jumped out of the car first and opened their door, Michael sliding out before Charlotte. She focused on Michael’s hand in hers as she ignored the loud calls and flashes of the cameras. The only thing that made her pause was a pack of fans that gathered on the opposite side, most of them young women and holding signs of support for her that made her heart swell. She originally had no intention of stopping or talking to anyone when she thought it was just reporters and express. But those girls added a detour to her journey, much to Adam and Michael’s annoyance. 

All of them held bright smiles as she pushed her shades onto the top of her head. Many of them had Playbills from the show, clearly having gone in the last week and others just had pieces of paper and signs that they asked her to sign. She tried her best to sign every Playbill and paper shoved in her face and smile in the direction of every camera for every selfie. 

Charlotte still found the idea that she had fans to be jarring. It was one aspect of her job that she was not used to at all, that people would camp out anywhere on a cold NYC morning for the chance to get a glimpse of her. 

One of the girls standing there asked for a selfie and as she took it, she said, “Could you sign this? We,” she gestured at the girl next to her that carried such a striking resemblance that she had to have been her twin. “Wanted to get tickets for tonight too but…”

“The ones that were left were so expensive.” The other girl jumped in. “Guess we aren’t the only ones desperate to see you on stage.” 

“We’re here visiting our parents and heading back to Yale tomorrow but figured we could try to get a glimpse of you,” the first girl admitted. “I… just want to say thank you.” 

Charlotte raised an eyebrow. “For what?”

“For showing that leaving is hard but it's never the wrong choice. And that if you’re lucky, maybe you’ll find better,” she glanced at Michael who was quietly standing beside her. 

Charlotte clenched her eyes shut to stop a tear from falling. This girl could not have been a day over 18 or 19. 

“What’s your name?” 

“Chantal and this is my sister, Courtney.” 

She nodded. “Adam,” she called over to the stoic man who had been standing between her and the crowd on the other side of the walkway. “Can you bring Chantal and Courtney around the barrier and inside?” 

“Yes ma’am.” 

Both girls were the picture of shock as they made their way around the steel barriers and followed Charlotte and Michael inside. The young woman marched them around to the General Manager’s office upstairs, both girls utterly perplexed and confused. 

“Charlie! It’s so good to have you back! Chris has been a pain in the ass without you,” Simon remarked as he stood up and wrapped her in a tight hug. 

Charlotte laughed. “Thank you, and I can only imagine.” She flashed him her award-winning bright smile. “Your favorite actress needs a favor?” 

“You name it.” 

“Four front row seats for tonight for my friends here,” she gestured to the two girls, whose mouths had fallen open behind her. 

“You got it. What are your names?” 

Both girls stammered out their full government names while Simon tapped away at his computer. 

“Done. Tickets’ll be waiting for you at will call tonight.” 

“Thank you! You’re the best.” She retreated from his office before walking the girls back to the front to head outside. 

 “W-wait, that w-wasn’t a joke right?” 

Charlotte laughed. “No, not a joke at all. I hope your parents enjoy musicals too. Either way, I hope you both enjoy the show tonight at least.” 

Both girls squealed and threw themselves into her arms, causing Charlotte to laugh. She hugged them both before stepping back. 

“Well, I gotta go rehearse. Make sure I can give y’all the best show possible.” 

“Thank you SO much! You’re amazing and we love you.” 

“No thanks necessary at all. See you tonight.” As the girls scurried off, Charlotte turned to stop them. “Chantal!” 

The young girl turned around as Charlotte closed the space between them.

“You will… find better. The road might be long as fuck,” she admitted, causing the two girls to laugh. “And you’ll take a lot of steps back to take them forward. But it’s not about luck. It’s about knowing you deserve it and being… willing to accept it when it comes. I,” she glanced behind her at Michael who was waiting. “I struggled with that. But I deserved better and you do too, no matter what someone else made you believe.” 

She reached into her purse and grabbed a pen and a spare piece of paper from her notebook. She jotted down her name and phone number and held it out to the young girl who seemed like her jaw might completely detach itself from her face. 

“I know how hard it is… and lonely it is at first. If you need anything, don’t hesitate. And I mean that, truly.” 

“Thank you.” She squeezed her hand before rushing back to her sister, both girls leaving with a bit more pep in their steps. 

She walked back over to Michael who was sporting a look of pure shock. 

“What?” 

“I am just constantly in awe of you.” He pulled her into his arms and wrapped one arm around her waist. “How’d I get so lucky?” 

She smiled. “Pretty sure I’m the lucky one, baby.” 

They shared a chaste but sweet kiss when they heard a couple wolf whistles. Charlotte laughed as she took in Chris and Marcus both staring at them. 

“The queen is back! Thank the good lord,” Chris remarked as he closed the space between them. “Between this damn ulcer and the nightmares, Jason and my doctor will be sending you a fruit basket and flowers.” 

“My understudy wasn’t that bad,” she remarked. The young woman was green to be sure but she was good. 

“Yes but she is no you, my dear. You are one of one.”

“How are you feeling?” Marcus asked as he pulled her into a hug, he examined her with the same quizzical eye Michael often did which made her laugh. 

“She’s fine. Been here five minutes and already giving away four of my most expensive seats in the house. Typical altruistic Charlie.” At Charlotte’s shocked face, Chris shrugged. “I know everything that happens round here.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll pay for them.” 

He shook his head. “Don’t stress about it. We have a block of tickets we budget to give away for one reason or another.” He glanced at Michael beside her. “I see you brought our favorite eye candy back with you.” 

Charlotte laughed and rolled her eyes. “Well, leaving the house was harder than I thought it’d be so Michael offered to come hang out for a bit. Hope that’s ok?” 

“Girl, whatever you need to get your ass back on that stage, I’m fine with. Rehearsal starts in 10.” 

He waved at all of them before leaving Charlotte, Michael, Malcolm and her shadow alone. 

“How are you? Really?” 

While she adored Chris, Malcolm was who she was closest to in the show and was the only one who truly knew her. 

“We’re taking it hour by hour,” she admitted. “And today started off rough but it’s turning around. I’m gonna be ok, I know that much.” 

“That’s what we like to hear.” 

They walked into the theater, the entire company giving Charlotte applause as she walked in. Michael took his seat as she got on stage and did a quick round of hugs to everyone. And then they jumped right into rehearsal. 

Michael spent part of the time doing his own work, answering emails that he had neglected over the last week. He did not regret that but his inbox was abysmal. He knew Charlotte’s was exactly the same. She had talked to her manager once or twice but no work had been accomplished in a week. 

Then he started reviewing the script for his upcoming project. He had been excited originally to play the role but now, he was merely annoyed because it meant he had to return to LA in late June. He did not want a renewal of their argument from the previous night but he knew there was absolutely no way he could convince Charlotte to cut her run short and return with him. And June was Tony’s season and nominated or not, Charlotte would never miss that. However, all of those reasons did not change the simple fact that Michael was fucking terrified. 

This was the love of his life, his future wife, the future mother of his children. Would work ever be more important to him than her safety? And it was not that he did not trust Adam, after all he picked him. But Adam did not love her like he did, did not understand her like he did. Even though it was months away, leaving felt utterly and completely wrong now. And he could not shake the feeling that it was not only a bad idea, it was the worst mistake he could ever make. He knew he could not drop out but he toyed with the probability of getting them to push the filming back, even just a month or two. He decided he’d reach out to his manager and see if it was a possibility. 

He found himself often distracted by Charlotte as she rehearsed. She was a bit stiff at first but she loosened up and fell back into the choreo with ease. This was truly her element, everyone on that stage looked to her for guidance, advice, and support. He could see why Chris was so determined to have her back as soon as possible. She was the glue. 

In between rehearsal and the show, she did interviews that she had not had the chance to do after the premiere. Michael sat next to the young girls they met earlier and their parents and they were utterly in awe of her as she performed. Despite everything, she was better than she was opening night, perhaps because she felt she had more to prove. She left her heart and soul on that stage. 

So much so that she quite literally fell asleep as soon as they got into the SUV to head home. She was utterly beat. She had held it together pretty well most of the day from Michael’s perspective, only having one panic attack when she went back to her dressing room for the first time.

She felt like the ghost of him loomed in the space in a weird way. So much so that she avoided the space until the last possible second and could not enter it alone. She questioned how she would do it every day when Malcolm offered to switch spaces with her. She objected at first, naturally, not wanting to feel like she needed accommodations from anyone. But Michael insisted and she could not deny that it eased some of her panic. 

However, when they got home, she was fairly silent and seemed upset. Michael did not understand why, she had done exactly what she had wanted to today: she had proved he could not take this away from her. 

“You were great today,” Michael offered as they settled into bed. “On all counts.” 

She chuckled humorlessly. “I couldn’t even walk into my own dressing room, Bakari. Couldn’t leave this fuckin’ house without…” She shook her head as she looked up at the ceiling. “I saw him everywhere… like a fuckin’ ghost haunting me every second. And the only thing that stopped me from literally falling apart was being able to look over and see you. If I can’t keep it together on my own, then I can’t…” she clenched her eyes shut. “And then I come here and I try to sleep and he’s there too. J-Just… don’t get a fucking break.”  

She frustratedly wiped a tear from her cheek and flipped onto her side to look away from him. 

Michael sighed and shifted closer to her, spooning her. She tensed up at the unexpected touch before softening into him.

“I know today was hard. But Els, baby… you did it. You left the house, you got on stage, you got a new dressing room, you gave interviews and did everything you needed to do without skipping a beat. That’s not nothing. It’s ok to not be able to hold it together all by yourself. Lean on me, lean on Malcolm and Chris and your castmates to get through the day.” 

“I don’t want special treatment… I don’t want people to see me as their traumatized coworker. I don’t wanna be the weak person he made me forever. It took me years to get over what he did the first time a-and I don’t have years. You aren’t gonna wait years, the world isn’t gonna wait years. I just… want to be ok again now.” 

“Didn’t you tell that girl earlier that it would be a lot of steps back to go forward?” 

She groaned, annoyed that he was throwing her own words back at her. 

“Yes but-“ 

“No buts. You gotta give yourself some grace, baby. You’re gonna have good days when you feel invincible and you’re gonna have days when it feels like you can’t hold it together on your own. And you don’t have to. You’re not broken,” he pressed his lips to her shoulder. “You never were and you certainly aren’t now. It’s gonna be a long road but you aren’t walkin’ it alone.”

“I just…” her words failed her but something in her told her to put on a brave face. She knew she was not walking it alone but she also knew she could not keep bearing all her weight on MIchael. She had to start carrying some of it on her own. Even if he currently felt like she was not a burden, there was no telling how long that feeling would last. 

So she nodded and turned over to face him. “You’re right. It was a good first step and tomorrow’ll be even better. Thanks for today.” 

“Of course. I can come with you tomorrow too?” he offered. 

Charlotte chucked. “Nah, don’t worry about it. I know spending all day in that theater is not fun.” 

Michael shrugged. “Being there for you is fun. I insist.” 

“Bu-” she started to say when Michael pulled her into his chest and kissed her on the forehead, cutting her off. 

“Get some rest. Night, baby.” 

***

“So how are you, Charlie? Really?” Michael’s mom called down the long dining room table as they all enjoyed Easter Sunday dinner.

She was thankful to have a couple days off so she and Michael returned to LA to visit family and escape New York for a bit. Their trip, which had been intended to be an adventure for the pair, had turned into anything but. And there was a safety to returning home, to Michael’s house and to his bed, even if it was only for a long weekend. 

Given that her nieces and nephews were all on Spring Break, it was the perfect time to get the families together. So it was the first time her dad, sister and CJ were meeting Michael’s family. The evening had been perfect so far, she decided, both groups blending as if they were destined to be family. 

“I’m ok… really,” she emphasized at the skeptical glances from everyone at the table, including her fiance. “He’s been out on bail, hasn’t tried anything. He’ll go to prison and that’ll be the end of it,” she assured them. She would never admit it out loud, particularly not within earshot of Michael, but those words were merely for their benefit. Not even 50% of her mind actually believed it. Shaun proved that he was not above biding his time for as long as it took. She would be a fool to believe his obsession with her was over simply because he got caught. But that was not a truth or fear she was in a place to admit to anyone. 

“You’re still havin’ nightmares though…” Michael offered quietly. 

Charlotte cut her eyes toward him with a quick glare that most of the table, thankfully, did not see. It silently said “what the fuck?” to which he merely shrugged as if he did not see the problem with detailing her weaknesses to her entire family. 

It’s the truth, his eyes seemed to shoot back at her.

“Are you ok?” 

“Do you need to increase your therapy sessions?” 

Charlotte immediately groaned internally, overwhelmed by the barrage of questions and concerns. This was exactly what she wanted to avoid. 

“Guys, guys… calm down. Michael is exaggerating,” she answered with a reassuring and calming smile. “I still have nightmares but they are far less than they were at first. It’s progress, but it’s slow. And it’s just been a few weeks. It’s not like last time,” she promised, her eyes trained on Jackson who was most invested in her recovery, aside from Michael. He called her damn near every day twice a day.

“Well, as long as you feel like you’re getting better.” 

“I am, really.” 

“You gonna be ok when Michael comes back this way for his movie this summer?” 

Charlotte nodded immediately, though she was dreading it inside. However, that was not something she could admit either. “Yea it’s gon-“ 

“I actually asked them if we could push filming back,” Michael interrupted. “To the fall when Els’ run is over. Just waiting to hear what they say.” 

Charlotte glanced up from her plate in surprise, that was the first she had heard of this. “What? When did you do that? Why did you do that?” 

“I called my agent and asked her to look into it Thursday before we left New York. Just figured a family emergency and needin’ to be there for you was hard to argue with.” 

Charlotte could not stop the confusion and anger that bubbled under the surface at him. She understood the intention behind his gesture but she did not ask him to do that and to be frank, she did not want it. It was not that she wanted to be alone in New York but she also had worked so hard in the last few weeks to stop burdening him, to heal and move forward. But this was the literal opposite of that. 

“But the summer is several months away. It’ll hardly be an emergency by then. I’m fine.”

He shrugged. “I disagree.” 

“You dis-” she started to say when Jackson interrupted, her sweet but slightly oblivious brother not picking up on the mounting tension between the couple. 

“I think it’s a good thing. Not like you don’t need the extra protection, it’s better this way, Charlie.” 

“Better for who?” She mumbled under her breath before stabbing her piece of ham with her fork. 

“The real question is when are you gonna be free for the bachelorette party?” Jazzmine asked from across the table with a smile. “Lo and I are already starting to plan.” 

Charlotte rolled her eyes as everyone smirked. “Nothing crazy, Jazz… please. I don’t know what time I’m gonna have off so we could legit just get the girls together for a fun weekend in New York. Have the wild NYC nights we didn’t get to have back in the old days,” she teased. 

Lo’s face lit up as she turned to Jazz. “Oh that would be so much fun. I’ll do some research on restaurants and Jazz, can you find us some lounges that we can go out to? Maybe in like July?” 

“You sure you wanna do New York?” Michael asked quietly, pulling Charlotte’s attention away from her girlfriends as they chatted away about her party. 

“Yea, it’s lowkey and easy. Inexpensive for everyone to get to and everything. Don’t need a big fuss. Why?” 

Michael shifted in his seat uncomfortably, Charlotte could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he thought of the right words to say whatever was on his mind. 

“Just don’t think it’s safe for you to be going out to clubs and lounges late like that. You know… least not until after his trial.” His voice was low as to not draw attention to the couple. However, before she could respond, he glanced up at Lauren and Jazz and said, “Plan somethin’ outside the US. My treat, of course. Go wild.”

“God, I love him,” Jazz not-so-quietly muttered under her breath causing the entire table to laugh, except Charlotte. “You sure you wanna marry him, girl? Cause I’ll fight you for him.” 

Charlotte forced a light chuckle from her lips before returning to her food, frustration coursing through her body like a roaring river. She was virtually silent as their families interacted for the rest of the night. She barely spoke, only offering one or two words to Michael’s nonstop chatter when they returned to their bedroom to get ready for bed. 

She wanted to say something to him but she did not know how, nor was she sure which issue to tackle first because for the first time in their relationship, there were several. 

They were still them in the ways that mattered most, still loving and caring and invested in their relationship. But something, or rather several somethings, were simply off track and causing fissures to grow between them. And tonight, she realized that they had gotten too big to ignore any longer.  

Originally, she had thought the lack of physical intimacy was their most pressing issue. Gone were the casual touches and sexual playfulness that they developed in their relationship. They had sex one time since their engagement and it was their worst time together by far. Michael spent the entire time checking in and asking her if she was ok or needed him to stop so much so that Charlotte could not even get into the moment or enjoy the experience. As the incident got further in their rearview, she tried to initiate a couple more times but he always found an excuse so finally, she stopped asking altogether. 

And that was concerning in and of itself, the crumpling of the one area of their relationship that had always been strong. But dinner proved that they were also having serious communication issues that she had been actively ignoring. It was so unlike Michael to make such a giant career decision without consulting her first, without taking into account her own feelings and opinions about her recovery.

Was she completely healed? Were things perfect? Definitely not. But was she moving in the right direction? Was she doing the best she could? Yes and still, she felt like it was not enough to get her fiance to stop treating her like the broken woman he found in that bathroom, battered, bruised and half dead. Even telling her she could not go out in New York with her friends was so on brand for him at the present moment but so unlike anything she was used to from him. And that had not been the first time. They got invited to parties and events and the like in New York and Michael found excuse after excuse for them not to go. She blamed herself for not being more vocal about wanting to go out and be who they used to be so she put all of her efforts into getting better to prove she could handle it, prove she was still the woman he wanted. However, nothing seemed to work. She wanted to move on with their lives and his mind was firmly stuck on who she was on March 1. 

And that made her doubt whether they would. All the things Michael once valued in her, he clearly did not see anymore… why else would he treat her so differently?

“You ok? Want me to make you some tea? Anything hurt?” Michael asked as they got ready for bed. 

Their nighttime routine was typically filled with laughter and conversation but tonight, Charlotte was stuck in her own head, wrestling with why her relationship seemed to be falling apart when they were both so clearly trying their hardest to keep it together. 

“No, I’m fine.” 

“You don’t seem fine.” He sighed, misreading her sour attitude for something else. “I don’t know why you feel the need to pretend like you’re ok with me when you aren’t. It’s just been a few weeks, Els. No one but you expects you to be ok.” 

Charlotte’s knuckles could’ve turned white at the way she gripped the edge of their counter in anger. “You know not every negative emotion I feel is about Shaun, right? Like I’m allowed to just be mad and annoyed at you every once in a while?” 

Michael’s eyes grew wide. “Mad at me?? What did I do?” 

“How about the fact that you made this major decision and didn’t tell me?” 

“What major decision??” 

Charlotte threw her hands up in the air. “Moving your movie schedule, Michael!” 

Michael could tell she was legitimately upset given that she used his first name and not Bakari or another pet name. However, for the life of him, he could not understand the issue. 

“That’s not a big deal tho. I just asked them to push back a couple months.”

“That is a big deal! Asking for an entire movie to be rearranged so you can play the fucking overseer.” 

“That’s not fair. I was tryin’ to help you.” 

Charlotte scoffed. “Help me? Oh and is flashing your wallet around to convince my friends to plan a different party than the one I want helping me too??” 

Michael walked out of their bathroom, the two facing off at the foot of the bed. 

“You aren’t gonna get fuckin’ mad at me for telling you shit is unsafe. No, you don’t need to be fuckin’ around in the middle of the night drunk in New York while he’s still out there. You can be mad all you want.” 

Michael felt no shame or guilt for drawing the line in the sand somewhere. He saw no issue in keeping Charlotte at home. She went to work, they occasionally went to dinner - though he preferred just ordering them take out these days - and that was virtually it. He went to the theater with her almost every day, only leaving around show time and returning with the car to pick her up. It was a sacrifice to be sure. But what did it matter if she was safe and had extra layers of protection? 

“If you had your way, I’d never leave our fucking apartment!” She hurled at him. “You wanna help me? Stop treating me like a fragile doll that’ll break if you aren’t around. Stop… stop denying me affection and love and just admit the truth!” 

“What truth??” 

“You don’t want me anymore!” Charlotte exploded, her own insecurities compounded by her perceptions of her fiancé’s behavior. “You proposed and you regret it and you don’t want me.” 

“That’s the farthest thing from the truth in this world, Charlotte.” 

She closed the space between them as she shouted. “Then why don’t you touch me like you used to? Why don’t you make love to me or fuck me or literally anything anymore? Our relationship is void of physical intimacy that I know both of us need. So tell me. What other reason could it be other than you can’t get the image of what he did out of your head and I’m not the woman you thought I was o-or want anymore? Tell me!” 

Michael’s mouth opened and closed several times, unsure of what exactly to say. He had never seen her so upset, particularly directed at him, over something that was simply not true. However, despite the anger she displayed, something stopped him from telling her the truth. It was foolish to not trust her with his own fears and vulnerabilities but it was unfair to make her healing about him. 

“I promise you it’s not because I don’t want you.” 

Charlotte stared at him, waiting for something… anything to signal to her what the true reason was. But he gave her nothing. 

Charlotte let out a breath that sounded like a cold laugh before nodding and  stalking over to her side of the bed to grab her pillow and favorite blanket, one that Michael used often and carried his scent. 

“I don’t want promises, Michael. I want you to be honest. And until you are ready to admit whatever has you treating me like a patient instead of your future wire, I’ll be in the guest room.” She paused. “Here and in New York.” 

“You shouldn’t sleep alone, Charlotte.” 

“I dealt with nightmares before you, Michael and I can deal with them now. If you really want to help me,” she clenched her eyes shut to stop the tears that welled in them, tears that she knew would not help her case. She was just so tired, tired of everyone in her life and in the media and everywhere she turned fawning over her. She just wanted someone to treat her like nothing had changed and she had hoped that would be Michael. But he could not do it either. “Then start treating me like someone you believe is actually capable of healing. Cause right now, all you treat me like is a woman who's too broken to be put back together again. And if that’s all you see when you look at me, we aren’t gonna make it.” 

And with that, she raced out of their bedroom and down the hallway toward one of the guest rooms, leaving Michael alone. He felt as if he had whiplash, the argument happening so fast over something he felt was so insignificant, he could not fully understand what to do. 

A knock at the door pulled him out of his thoughts. He swung it open to find his father standing in the hallway, two glasses of scotch in his hands. 

“Heard some raised voices. You good, son?” 

“Not really,” he muttered as he took the drink out of his dad’s hand and ushered him inside.

“Feel like I’m tryin’ to do right by Els, give her what she needs and she’s actin’ like it’s too much… or not enough of the right thing… or I dunno. We’ve never,” he flopped down on the edge of their bed, his hand rubbing his head. “We’ve never been like this before.” 

Michael Sr sat down in the arm chair across from his son. “Well, you ain’t been together long enough to be like much. I think you two were made for each other, don’t get me wrong. But marriage ain’t easy ‘n you two are gonna hit more than a couple rough patches where it seems like it just ain’t workin’. And that’s to be expected given what you both went through. You need to talk.” 

“I try to talk to her, pops. Get her to tell me what she's feelin’, how she’s doin’. She just wants to act like everything’s fine when I know it isn’t. I mean, you take care of ma… her health. She doesn’t fault you for being protective. What am I doing wrong right now?” 

His father let out a low chuckle before taking a long sip of his drink. “Bold to assume your momma didn’t cuss me out more than once too. I raised you ‘n your brother the way I was raised. To be a provider, protector, fixer. And I did the same thing you’re doin’ when your momma first started havin’ health issues. Constantly checkin’ in, assuming I knew what she needed or how she was feelin’ better than she did. And just doin’ it cause I thought I knew best. And all I was really doin’ is creating resentment.”

“What you mean?” 

“I mean… your mom didn’t and still doesn’t want a doctor, she has a doctor. She didn’t need a therapist. She wanted her husband, a safe spot to land ‘n know I was gonna treat her like her when the days were good ‘n jump in ‘n pull the extra weight on the bad days. But that I was still gonna let her be her, not treat her like a sick person who can’t take care of herself. But I felt so outta control as a protector and fixer that I went overboard tryin’ to fix somethin’ that couldn’t be. Took a lot of counseling to get outta that.”  

Michael raised his eyebrow in shock. His parents were not of a generation that typically had a positive outlook on therapists and counseling. He also would have never thought their marriage ever required it. His parents’ marriage, in his mind, was the blueprint. 

“Really?” 

“Yea… I mean it was different than what you kids do now with licensed therapists. But yea, we went to counseling with our pastor ‘n it helped. Helped both of us admit what we needed, helped us find common ground. N now, I protect your mother while respecting her boundaries. I know you. You’re tryin’ to fix something that only Charlotte and time can fix. And if you hold on too tight, try to fix too much cause you’re afraid of losing her, you’re just gonna lose her in a different way. This is your first taste of marriage, son. Shit ain’t easy but it’s worth it.” 

His dad stood up and patted him on the shoulder before walking toward the door. However, as he opened it, he stopped and turned. 

“Another piece of hard-earned advice?” Michael nodded for him to continue. “You just learned how short life is, how precious every minute is. You don’t go to bed alone or angry ever. You ain’t gotta fix it tonight, you ain’t even gotta talk about it tonight. But don’t let her fall asleep down that hall thinkin’ you don’t wanna fix whatever this is. Understand?” 

“Yea I gotchu. Thanks pops.” 

“Anytime, son.” 

Michael downed the rest of his drink before grabbing his own pillow and walking down the hallway to the guest room he knew Charlotte would be in. The door was not closed all the way so he peeked through the crack for a moment, studying her form which was curled into a tight ball in the middle of the bed. Her light sniffles reached his ears and immediately propelled him forward. 

He knocked on the door.

“Come in,” she called, her voice broken and small. She forced herself into a seated position, wiping her tear-stained cheeks as she sat up. 

They stared at each other expectantly for a few moments before Michael stepped forward. 

“I know I’ve been… distant in a lot of ways the last few weeks. And probably overbearing and controlling, which isn’t what I want you to feel. And I’m sorry for that. And if I had the right words to explain why, I would. But I don’t. I don’t know what this feeling is o-or how to describe it to you. And I can assure you it’s not because I don’t want you. I’ll always want you. But I know this isn’t what you need and this isn’t the relationship I want for us. I know you’re already working with your therapist but maybe we can try couple’s counseling? For a couple weeks? Maybe we can get back on track sooner rather than later.” 

“Really?” she asked. Michael had never expressed anti-therapist sentiments and supported her journey wholeheartedly but he always said he never considered going himself, never thought he would need one. “I thought about suggesting it for us… after everything. I just figured you wouldn’t be into it.” 

Michael meandered over to her side of the bed and sat down, his hand rubbing her leg. 

“I’m into whatever you and I need to do to get back on the same page. I love you and I want you and I know I haven’t been myself lately,” he admitted. “But I hear you and I’m willing to figure it out so I can support you how you need me to.” 

“Thank you… for that. And I’m sorry for blowing up at you. I just… I just want to be me again. I want us again,” she mumbled, bringing her knees to her chest. 

“I know. And we’ll get there. I promise. I’m in it for the long haul, even if we gotta go to so many sessions we fund a beach house for your therapist.” 

Charlotte let out a cackling laugh. “I mean I’ve definitely already funded her beach house… maybe a like cabin in the woods next… she loves that type of stuff.” Charlotte rolled her eyes with a chuckle before her face returned to it’s more solemn expression. She stared at him for a few minutes before grabbing her pillow. “Will it completely ruin my street cred next argument if I come back to our room? This bed sucks,” she muttered. It was harder than their bed and more uncomfortable but the reality was, she had no interest in sleeping alone even if she was still upset. 

Michael kissed her on the forehead and gestured toward the door. “A very small ding in street cred,” he joked. “But,” he lifted up his own pillow. “I lose some too for coming in here like a lost damn puppy.” He joked, both of them laughing. 

“God, we can’t even do one night mad at each other right.” 

“I think that’s a good sign,” Michael remarked. “Think that means we’re gonna be just fine.” 

“Yea… we will be.”

Tag List: @certifiedlesbianbaddie @bangtanxmegan @reelwriter19 @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @hi888888sworld @msniaimani @destinio1 @lynaye1993 @chaoticevilbakugo @blackerthings @pipsqueak-98 @miyuhpapayuh @passionxwrites @gopaperless @injerafiend @ari17

A/N: Thanks so much for reading! Drop a comment and let me know what you think and how therapy's gonna go for our favs. This'll be the last update till December!

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!

[fesheik]

i gave my oc bakari a new ‘ref’ but he ended up looking to mature and grown up

[moochingvanze]

I created a new OC a while ago. He is inspired by my Caracal I made in Path of Titans (there is a mod for that...in a dinosaur game. Welp) Named the in-game one Bakari after a dragon from Spyro 1, because I tend to give my PoT characters Spyro dragon names since I can't think of names otherwise Later researched the name a bit and found out it means "baker" in some languages, so I made him a baker and cook.