#Motivation to get writing again too!!
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'Dead Poets Society' gang
Headcanon that these four drop poetry and literature quotes on their conversations unprompted.
Jason 'English-major-I-only-visit-the-manor-for-the-library' Todd-Wayne
Damian 'I-master-liberal-arts-unlike-you-plebs-PHD-holder' al Ghul-Wayne
Cassandra 'I-learn-English-thru-Shakespeare-as-god-intended' Cain-Wayne
Duke 'only-title-holder-of-vigilante-poet-and-will-cuss-you-just-as-poetically' Thomas-(future) Wayne
#My background is ass#I promise to practice but omg i am losing motivation coz its too ugly#started putting some on coloring that i started being happy about it#But my background is level toddler i hate it#the patience and discipline to make my lines straight and clean is nonexistent gdi...why did past me choose library gdi#Just writing some Duke in my fics and this image of them all just made me wanna do art...Duke is a poet and writes stories u kno?#Duke is not a wayne yet...and is not dead yet...but with how comics goes then its just a matter of time lol#They're all in school here...Cass and Jason are college watching over their juniors in high school#everyone use cardigans but Jason like his leather so no thanks lol#Duke and Cass in outsiders are cute#jason todd#dc comics#damian wayne#fanart#robin#cassandra cain#duke thomas#inking & background study#Damian is now 14!!!! He's getting old...he's like a baby yesterday omg#I need to stop obsessing over this so i posted a WIP so i can continue writing my fic!!! argh#Im gonna watch youtube tutorials again on drawing bookshelves coz i cannot do this without guidance
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Scarian royalty AU where the humans and hybrids have spent eons at war with each other and they're now trying to push for a peace treaty. Grian, an avian, is one of the hybrids sent to the human kingdom to help with the peace treaty since he became very well-known throughout the war, and his presence there will show how seriously the hybrids are taking this. Even Grian, who hates all types of oppression and cooked up more and more chaotic plans of attack during the war, wants this peace treaty to go well, see! While in the human kingdom, Grian meets Scar, one of the princes. Grian is determined to dislike humans, even if he agrees that peace is best for both sides, but he doesn't manage to maintain that position for very long after meeting Scar - who is charismatic, dragging Grian into trouble at every turn, and makes Grian laugh harder than he's laughed in a long time. Naturally, Grian develops a massive crush and decides to court Scar. Only, courting is very different depending on different species... so, Scar doesn't seem to realize what Grian's intentions as he tries out different avian methods - what do you mean "thank you, this is a nice gift?" it's one of Grian's FEATHERS from his WING why don't you UNDERSTAND - so, he realizes he needs to learn about human courting methods... Grian, constantly trying out different "human courting methods," and for some reason, none of them seem to get his point across either! Meanwhile, he keeps developing his feelings for Scar, becoming increasingly desperate to make Scar realize (and return) his feelings before this trip can end. Not sure how the confession finally takes place - something sufficiently dramatic and messy, that has both courts wringing their hands, stressed out of their minds. As Grian is complaining about how neither his avian or human methods worked, really Scar, how oblivious can you be, even if you couldn't recognize avian methods you should have been able to recognize the methods of your own species - "Ah, but, I'm not a human?" What? Yeah, turns out Scar is adopted! He's actually a vex hybrid! The reason the royal family started pushing so hard for this peace treaty all of a sudden is that the newest generation, after taking in and raising a hybrid, is way less biased than the last generations and only wants the best for their adopted prince. Scar's been trying to court Grian with vex methods this entire time, too, fyi. Grian doesn't know if he wants to laugh, or maybe scream for a while. Probably both. But, hey, at least this could be a very politically advantageous marriage, right? What better way is there for the two opposing sides to show their commitment to the cause? I guess they have to get married now. There's just no other choice.
#hermitcraft#third life#scarian#desert duo#hermitshipping#lovesick writing#this is a fic I planned out that I'm not going to get around to writing#so I figured I might as well share the plot here at least lol#I'm just not motivated for it anymore#also#it's too much like a combination of somewhere between the surface and the seabed and my ever after is holding you#I already wrote the courting! the royalty!#no need to do it again lol
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I'll ask after that secret number 8!
I only remembered secret number 8 because I saw your wip here! I'd started this one based on the same prompt, then lost said prompt and stopped working on it 😅
Instead of a snippet, I'm just dropping it all here - maybe that way I'll feel inspired to finish it?
———
It’s a full house for dinner tonight and, really, that should have tipped him off.
Bruce sits at the head of the table, smiling softly as he watches over everyone’s antics. Damian is regaling Dick with everything they saw at the zoo that day (Danny had been so happy to see Delilah the purpleback gorilla again, and her new little additions to the troupe, too!) and how well they are implementing the grant the Wayne Foundation had gifted them. Tim, Steph, Cass, and Duke are all engaged in a thumb-war tournament which Danny has no interest in participating in. It just wouldn’t be fair on them.
Danny loves that look. The one where Bruce’s eyes crinkle when he thinks none of the kids can see him. It oozes love and it makes Danny’s heart, his core, ache.
It’s been a little over a year since Alfred found him on the street and managed to wrangle him back to the manor to stay—even after the whole biting thing when he realised how rich they were.
A little over a year here and Danny’s starting to feel like family.
Starting to feel like he might, just maybe, like to make it official.
“Danny,” Bruce says, drawing everyone’s attention. Danny starts at his name, but Bruce’s voice is warm and calm, and his shoulders lose their tension almost immediately. “Danny, I have something I would like to tell you.”
“Uhhh…” is all Danny can croak out, eyes flicking back and forth between Bruce and the rest of them. Smooth. Looking good, Danny.
Except… they’re all happy. All smiles, all relaxed body language, all radiating calm and love and acceptance. Well, not Damian—his face is as thunderous as it always is—which at least means it’s nothing too out of the ordinary.
“Danny, first of all, I just want to impress upon you that this is in no way something you have to do. You are under no obligation to join us and, no matter what, you shall always be welcome with us in the manor.”
Wait, what? Danny squints at Bruce, trying to parse exactly what he’s saying… Is he—is this them asking to adopt him? Do they want to make it official, too?
It’s been a little over a year and of course Danny has imagined calling Bruce ‘Dad’. Of course he’s imagined being part of the family, of course he wants to make it official!
He can’t help the beaming grin or the bright and bubbling “Yes!” already waiting on his lips. All Bruce has to do is ask, all Danny needs to hear is—
“I’m Batman.”
The smile freezes on Danny’s face.
His lungs stop working, his heart stops working, he stops working, he just—
“And I’m Nightwing,” Dick smiles, breaking the awkward silence.
Danny’s eyes snap to him, and then down to Tim when he admits to being Red Robin. Duke is Signal, Steph is Spoiler. Damian begrudgingly tells him he’s Robin, but Danny can barely hear it over the ringing in his ears.
“I’m Black Bat.” Cass cocks her head, almost looking concerned. It always felt like she understood him the most. Whenever he was feeling low, too in his memories, or stewing after a nightmare, she was always there, ready to card her fingers through his hair and never mention his tears. It makes his heart ache to think of it now. “It’s okay, Danny.”
It’s meant to be reassuring, but how—how can it be okay? How?
Danny’s spent a little over a year with them. A little over a year with Batman.
Batman, who works with the Justice League, who works with…
A little over a year.
Just under 16 months since he escaped.
“Danny? Are you alright?” Bruce asks
Finally, his lungs kickstart and suck in a shuddering breath, only for everyone to drop their smiles.
Didn’t take them long, did it? Now that their ruse is up, there’s no kindness in their eyes, they’re just… cold, calculating. Evaluating.
“Why?” Danny gasps, his fingers tingling, his heart in his throat.
Just under 16 months since he—has he escaped? Or was this just another one of their experiments?
"I... I trusted you, why—" Danny chokes back a sob, gritting his teeth as his shoulders shake. Why? Why would they do this? "I was happy here, with you. I thought... Weren't you happy?"
"Danny..." Bruce is looking at him, eyes narrow and eyebrows pinched, in some cruel facsimile of confused concern and all Danny can think is how much of an actor he is. How well he can play the part of a doting father. How much he made him want that.
"I don't understand, why..."
"I'm sorry we didn't tell you before, I can imagine that it comes as a shock. We shouldn't have lied to you, Danny, but—"
"Stop it!" Danny slams his hands down on the table and pushes himself up on wobbly legs. Even standing, he feels so small. Smaller than Bruce, than all of his adopted siblings. They crowd above him when they all stand, too. "Just stop it! Why are you doing this, why are you still pretending? Stop it!"
It was easier, with Danny's biological parents. The knowledge that they'd do anything to get him on a lab table, to open him up and see what makes him tick, to rip him apart molecule by molecule, had always been there. He knew they hated ghosts. He knew they hated Phantom. He knew they hated him. It was easier because it was something he'd known all his life. When he died, when he became a ghost, he knew what to expect from them. It hurt, of course it did.
But it was easier than this.
"Danny, I'm going to need you to take a deep breath. You're having a panic attack and you need to breathe."
"Breathe?" Danny laughs, the sound harsh and choking, too high pitched in his hysteria. "You're joking, right? Or is this just more of the—the experiment?"
"Danny, please, we don't know what you're talking about, you—"
"You don't know? You're Batman! You work with the Justice League, you work with—" His words choke off as his stomach churns, bile rising in his throat. His whole body itches, screaming at him to leave, he can't go back, he can't, he can't, he can't!
Bruce takes a hesitant step forward and Danny scrambles back, his feet catching on the chair behind him and sending him careening to the floor. Where are the agents? Why aren't they swarming in, ready to apprehend him, strap him back on the table, carve him from the inside out.
"Please, Danny, calm down. We don't—"
Danny stops listening. His back hits the wall and he pulls his knees into his chest, his shoulders dipping down as he begins to sob. His heart throbs inside his throat, too painful to swallow around. Tears fall hot and heavy on his face.
Sure, he could run. He could phase out through the wall and he could be out of Gotham in a couple of hours. He's escaped the GIW once, he can do it again.
But that was before Batman knew who he was. Before he had the World's Greatest Detective on his tail.
Before he...
He really thought this would be different, you know?
He wanted to make it official.
"Why did... Why were you so nice to me? Why did you make me like you? I really—I really liked you. I-I thought we could be a family."
"Danny, we are a—"
"Don't lie to me!" Danny snaps, but the force of his anger leeches all the fight from him, and suddenly all that's left is a bone-weary tiredness. There’s a lump in his throat that hurts. There’s a line down his chest that burns. "I don't care. I don't care anymore, I don't. Just... don't make me go back there. Please."
Is it futile? He thought he knew how the GIW operated by now, the depths that they would go to achieve their results, but this... this was a whole new level of pain that Danny thought he had left behind him in Amity.
"We're not going to make you go anywhere, Danny, you're safe here, I promise."
"Safe? Safe? You must have—" he takes a deep breath, tries to stop the quivering of his voice. It’s all starting to make sense, now. "The reason you're telling me who you are is because you must have told them everything already. I know the Justice League—I know you're working with them, which means the ex-experiment is over now, and they're coming to take me back. And I can't go back."
"Danny—"
"I can’t!” Danny glares at Bruce with all the rage he can, fingernails digging into his skin. “I’m not going back!"
"That's right, you're not going back, Danny. I won't let that happen." Bruce crouches down in front of Danny, his hands open and raised as if he's trying to say he's not a threat. "I don't know who you're talking about, and I'm sorry about that, but I can promise you that you’re not going back there. We will keep you safe."
Danny pulls himself closer, tucks himself further into the wall, eyes flickering all across the room waiting for that tell-tale flash of white as the agents start to swarm.
He should take his chances now and run, he should go, he needs to go!
The rest of them, his brothers and sisters of a little over a year, are spread out, giving him and Bruce some space. The same concern colours all of their faces. Why are they still pretending?
Steph is chewing on her thumb.
Danny liked Steph and her brash confidence, her jokes. She's been promising to paint his nails for months now, they've just never found the time. He was going to go for green and black, or maybe a galaxy theme, depending on what she felt comfortable doing.
He likes them all.
"You were supposed to be my family." His mouth turns down at the corners and his voice shakes like a child. "You were supposed to—why? Why would you—I don't understand why you would make me like you..."
"This isn't an experiment, Danny," Bruce's voice is steady, soothing. "I promise."
"But you work with them and—"
"Who do I work with?"
"The Justice League."
"Yes, I do, but we—"
"And the Justice League works with them. The GIW." Danny trembles with the name, clutching tightly onto his hoodie. "I'm not going back there, Bruce."
Danny doesn't miss Bruce's look over his shoulder, nor Tim's nod in return. Tim turns slightly to the side to hide his movements, but Danny bets he has his phone in his hand, probably letting them know they can take him now. Guess this is it, then. They'll be here soon, and he'll be gone.
"Kill me."
"Danny? What do—"
"If you ever had any kindness for me, if you ever cared, kill me. Please, Bruce. I can't do it again."
"Danny..."
"End me now. Take my core out and break it, please, before they get here."
#dpxdc#dcxdp#dpxdc fanfic#wip game#thanks for the ask <3 and thanks for helping me remember this fic lol#also huge thanks for having the prompt linked because i have S O M A N Y prompt wips that i can't ever post because i've lost the post#didn't really know how to get danny to calm down#that's a lie#i have a few ideas of where this can go but no motivation for it - not against all the other wips#i'll keep at it and ig post to ao3 should it actually start looking alright#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#dudes did u kno u can pin shit to your clipboard on desktop because i fucking love that#also if you use the windows key + . there's like emojis and shit#(((φ(◎ロ◎;)φ)))#<- and kaomoji too!!!!!#anyway that's been fun facts and fanfic with me. ur welcome#oh shit my writing tag#hailsatanacrab🦀🦀writes#at some point 'oh shit my writing tag' will just become my writing tag#anyway thank you again for the ask#good night everyone!!!!!
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im gonna start posting fanfic recs btw whenever i find good ones. both here and my (awfully barren) 18+ account. because there are so many good fics out there with so few hits and fewer kudos and sometimes no comments period and it SUCKS because i REALLY LIKE THEM A LOT.. and i hope that by linking them here and yelling at everyone to COMMENT DAMMIT they might actually do it
seriously though any comment means a lot. most people who read a fic don’t even give a kudos. even if the fic wasn’t top tier, if you didn’t dislike it, hand over some kudos!! and if you liked it, comment!!!! even if the comment is one singular heart emoji it will be appreciated. if the comment just says “great fic!” the author will be happy. your comment doesn’t have to be this long winded gushing or analysis.
so many authors quit writing or lose motivation because the comments are few and far in between or just sometimes nonexistent. trust me when i say authors don’t care about how long or cool or smart sounding your comment is i promise!!!
i hope that mmmaybe recommending fics and telling people to comment might help fics i really like get more support maybe. and i, points at you reading this, hope that you will listen!!!at least a little….at least sum kudos….
#if u have the ability to reply to my reblog saying how much you loved the fic i recommended comment on the fic itself so the author can see!#especially since the rise of ai writing and seeing ai fics out there can be disheartening#make sure you let your writers know you appreciate them#you never know they might one day write a sequel bc your comment touched them#or might get the motivation to make more works.#(but don’t just comment bc you expect something out of it btw. sometimes the author might be too intimidated to reply ive seen that before)#im a huge yapper. if you can’t tell. lmfao.#and i mostly comment on guest. like 99% of the time because the fics are either really embarrassing#or i get nervous about them knowing me/finding my tumblr and thinking im cringw#bc i admire authors so much. and I get that nervousness! given I experience it!!! but guest mode EXISTS!!! most work allows you to comment#on guest mode!! the author CANT see the email you use for it!!! the only reason they even ask is to give you notifs if theres a reply to it!#a comment is still a comment even if on guest or an alt or your main#even if the fic is embarrassing shameful depraved smut you can log out and comment on guest. even if it’s embarrassing#because the author still worked HARD. it’s so hard to write. people don’t give enough credit to fic authors who do it for free#i had an account (now super abandoned) that had over 400k words. and that didn’t include wips#i reallg do struggle to write because i took a break for so long!!! i can write but not nearly as much as I used to!!! and it sucks!!!#support your authors guys. 1k words is an hour for the first draft at MINIMUM and another hour for revision and editing. and people get#pissy if a fic chapter is less than 3-4k words for some reason. that’s 6-8 hours of work at MINIMUM. likely so much more because there’s#also plotting and brainstorming and So. Much. Editing. stressing out over words and sentence structure. it takes so much time out of your#day. the only oneshot i have posted on this account is 2460 words. and it took me SEVEN HOURS#seven hours!!!! that’s a lot!!!! and for authors that have school or demanding jobs that kind of time is hard to come by!!!!!#and I hope i have convinced at least one of you to listen and go okay you know what. i will. because even if it’s a silly comment it’s loved#tldr support your local fanfic authors of you will be so stabbed. by me#fanfiction#fanfic#archive of our own#ao3#comment on fics#wick fic recs#that’s the rec tag btw. wow custom tags AGAIN i know. im doing what i thought i never would
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The Vampire and The Vicar
#megaman x#xzero#zerox#rockman x#my art#fanart#megaman#rockman#hello again people who see my artwork#who would've thought final year of college would be busy busy busy#but I got this done!! I hope to get another 2 halloween pieces done before the month is over#honestly I love this idea so much I want to write a fic about it but I have no time or motivation to write lol#So uh imagine a Halloween party at Maverick Hunter HQ and Zero gets a little too into it (followed by X getting a little too into it)
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step on me, fatui harbinger!yue 🙏🏼
#yue yaps#hello :3#i decided to do a harbinger introduction for fatui!yue just because landndmdkdnnccj#you know the scene where the harbingers have their names & codenames & rank on the screen when the players first meet them? yeah#i had a hard time trying to find a codename for fatui!yue aka like how scaramouche has ‘balladeer’ and arlecchino as ‘the knave’ LMAO#idek if i’ll post this but ya i hope ur decembers are going well! ^^#only five more days til xmas !! idk when i’ll come on here again but i’ll def be back for scara’s birthday hehe <3#also im so sorry for those who followed me for my works (especially for on going series) :C its such a disappointment on my side too#i just haven’t been creative writing-wise as of lte :/ and plus i just feel so meh whenever i come on here#though ! i have started reposting fics on my ao3 (atsumou) so !!! if i get the motivation to write i might just post on there!#its just been a rough month for me so like a lot of self isolating as my top coping mechanism but fuck it we ball >:) !!!!
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I want to learn to draw Seb without any references, so I did some studies of his face 🤔
#why is this so hard? 😩#i have so many things i want to teach myself that i get way too overwhelmed way too quickly#ive been drawing the entire day because i feel very tired and exhausted and its the only thing i can motivate myself for#actually i should write on my fic so that there isnt a whole month between chapters again 😅#but instead i maybe will do some more studies for Seb 😅#or Lulu 🤔#sebastian sallow#hogwarts legacy
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my honest reaction
#once again the trailer just kind of makes me feel nothing but confusion at why theyre doing things the way they are#why is gerald still alive. even if it turns out to be time travel or him being frozen alongside shadow or something#it still takes away a lot of the emotional impact of shadows story ... why .....#the fact that theyre just seemingly having gerald be rouge's replacement in the dark story trio too???? what. thats stupid .#and speaking of rouge. where are rouge and amy. ive never seen a single good argument to justify their exclusion here#why is the only girl character from the games whos present the one who famously dies horribly for male characters' motivation#(to be clear im not saying the way maria's death is handled in the games is bad writing or anything#just that having her be the only girl character to have a movie counterpart is certainly A Choice.)#and. why are team sonic (and human characters associated with them who are supposed to be the good guys) working with gun .#gun literally does nothing but cause problems for sonic in sa2 ?!?!?!??!?!#even if it does turn out theyre not being completely honest with sonic about what shadow's whole deal is thats still. why ...#i wasnt expecting an exact recreation of sa2 but that doenst mean i have to be okay with every possible change they make either#especially when a lot of this stuff just actively makes the story worse. sa2 im so sorry they did this to you#honestly probably wouldnt bother me quite as much if this was a comic or tv show or something#and not . a big popular movie that is probably going to overshadow the game in a lot of peoples minds. ughhhh#also shadow has still only had a couple lines so maybe its not fair for me to say anything just yet#but i dont . really like how he sounds from what we've heard .. why did the ycast keanu reeves this sucks#idris elba as knuckles is starting to annoy me too tbh . like i didnt care for it at first but then it grew on me#and now im back to not really liking it . that is NOT knuckles#anyway. im honestly struggling to understand how so many fans of the games are uncritically excited about the movie ?#and dont have any problem with the writing choices being made here.. ?#do they just not care how shadow's story is portrayed as long as he looks cool doing it .. ?#im not saiyng the people who are excited are fake fans i just . dont get it
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man i remember when my time at sandrock was still in development and there was some dev update introducing the town doctor character, fang, with his pretty delicate facial features and long shampoo-commercial hair, looking like every cliche of a "cold, reserved anime pretty boy" distilled
and then the update where they said they would make him romanceable/expand his backstory due to popular demand, and i rolled my eyes in utter disinterest at what looked like the same cardboard cutout love interest we've all seen a million times, cuz that is just not my bag, personally
and then i played the game and well fuck, so he's actually disabled due to deep childhood trauma, and you help him through his struggles to a place where it's less debilitating, learn he's extremely, passionately motivated to help others not suffer the way he did, and is in fact kind and awkward and a little bit of a dork
and oh no, whoops, i've tripped and fallen and married him
#my time at sandrock#mtas fang#babygirl has been fighting through something like 2 decades of aphasia#constantly being misunderstood and disliked and treated as weird because he can hardly speak#and mostly communicates through his support animal (talking crow)#been abused and abandoned and lost a loved one far too young in a slow and terrible way#spent years on the streets starving#i swear i would absolutely believe if the devs came out and said he was autistic#and you get to help him tentatively begin to relate to others again and work on his aphasia#(his OWN choice based on his OWN motivations and desire rather than you trying to fix him)#and see him blossom and warm and relax into his life and achieve his goals#and he's always always shaped by his trauma and always will live within certain limitations#but it's never all that he is and it feels like a privilege to learn that as you play#oh man i was so pissed the game didn't give me an option to punch his dad in the throat though#and my god the EXHILARATION when they didn't force fang to forgive#a+ character writing sandrock dev team well done
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When Mortimer learns Manco is a fellow bounty killer...
He smiles softly, hinting that he's already considering asking Manco to become his partner.
Manco, on the other hand...
...comes to the same realization with a sour grimace. He enters full blown this-town-ain't-big-enough-for-the-two-of-us mode.
Manco repeatedly tries to instigate a fight as he attempts to kick Mortimer out of town. He steps on Mortimer's boots, punches him in the face, and-- of course-- shoots his hat.
Despite Manco's repeated attempts to provoke him, Mortimer never escalates the confrontation. He only reciprocates gestures that Manco introduces. When Manco steps on Mortimer's boots, Mortimer reciprocates. When Manco shoots Mortimer's hat a comical number of times, Mortimer reciprocates. Mortimer doesn't punch back, and he doesn't take the opportunity to injure (or kill) Manco-- even when Manco is at a range disadvantage.
This is noteworthy, because earlier in the film, Mortimer remarks:
"Why should a man walk around with a pistol and then let himself be insulted?"
Mortimer goes through most of his encounter with Manco wearing a calm, curious expression. Manco, meanwhile, seems enraged by Mortimer's very existence.
Why is Mortimer so unperturbed by Manco's antagonistic behavior?
Well! Though Manco clearly views this interaction as a skirmish against a rival... Mortimer views it as an opportunity to court a potential partner.
His smile from the earlier scene indicates that he wants to work with Manco. That's why Mortimer reciprocates actions instead of escalating them.
Mortimer's goal was never to "beat" Manco in their quasi-duel; it was to convince Manco that he was worthy of an equal partnership.
I believe that Mortimer began the night already fully intending to invite Manco up to his hotel room for the partnership proposal.
He just needed to shoot a hat to make it happen.
#for a few dollars more (1965)#for a few dollars more#mantimer#mancomer#dollars trilogy#im back at it again with another super surface level meta analysis !#im trying to get back into the swing of writing analyses again#and ''mortimer wanted to befriend manco; not beat him'' is a fairly simple thesis to argue.#his motivations behind wanting the partnership are comparatively more open to interpretation#like... did mortimer want manco as his partner..#...because manco was far more impressive than previous partnership options?#...because mortimer spent years pursuing revenge by himself and he got lonely?#...because indio his band really are too powerful to take on alone?#(personally i think mortimer wanted to fuck tmwnn in addition to all the previously listed motivations but shhh)#mortimer's deeper motivations for initiating the partnership are ambiguous. but regardless.. he DEFINITELY wanted it.#and i think their confrontation scene shows that mortimer didnt want to risk offending manco too harshly#but he also didnt wanna risk being seen as inferior.#hence: the compromise of reciprocating but not escalating#anyways im love them#tmwnn#manco#douglas mortimer#clint eastwood#lee van cleef#westerns#🍝#🤠#pardner posts
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wrote a whole long post that didn't make sense because i'm a fic writer not a meta writer and the point comes down to this: sand and ray are both Such Bad Liars
they have honest faces. nobody, in-universe or in the audience, is ever really fooled when they pretend things are other than they are.
when sand is hurt you can tell, it's in every line of his body. ray is expressive and straightforward but hides his hurt a little better, not because he's better at lying but because the hurt hardly ever goes away.
ray can see sand freezing up and looking upset when he's called a friend or not prioritized, he can see the lie, but it doesn't matter compared to what sand's actually saying and what it'll mean if it's (not) true. he's gotten a lesson recently about pushing. and sand, i think, can see ray caring but he can't imagine it could be enough, that he could matter the most or be a priority. when ray calls sand a whore it's the only lie he told that night and sand knows it
when they hurt each other sand lies and pulls away and ray can tell, and similarly ray lies and pulls away and sand can tell, and theyre stuck in limbo because of it. awful. hate it. 10000 more just like it please
#again as always there are other layers#ray pulls back out of self-loathing (less of me will always be better for the other person) and a sort of clumsy kindness and fear#sand lies out of wounded pride and longing for something he can only get through pretending and out of self-preservation and out of fear#sand is sometimes so honest it hurts (and when he is you can see ray falling in real time)#and ray lies too now and again to try to keep people from seeing just how bad it's got#also to be clear this applies to sand's girlboss gaslight manipulation moment too#like he's better at it than regular lying because he's had time to prepare but ray still sees straight through it#just bc ray ends up telling mew anyway doesn't mean he can't see sand's ulterior motives from a mile off#this is very melodramatic of me i know but like. this is how i have to get my shit out they are rotating in my brain 24/7#i am actually also writing fic in another tab as we speak im literally overflowing constantly thinking about them#rowan chatter#re: only friends
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UwU any spoilers for the next chapter,,
I have meant to do this multiple times but keep forgetting so here's an extra long snippet in apology! It's basically the entire start of the next chapter ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Damn. Your indulgent TV stalking of the Wayne’s really doesn’t hit the same once you technically knew them. And you were hiding inside one of their bedrooms, inside one of their clothes, using their TV subscription. It just didn’t feel right. Morally, of course, but that wasn’t what you were talking about. No, you were just pissy your favourite passtime was basically ruined. You shovel another spoonful of cookie dough ice cream into your mouth, glaring through tired eyes at the screen.
There’s an up close shot of Dick Grayson’s abs. The presenter ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ over his physical form, and you have to agree. You wish you had abs like that. Unfortunately you did respond to most unwanted experiences with stress eating. As always with these celebrity figures, you can’t really tell if you want to be Dick or be with Dick. Your butt is nowhere near the level his is at.
While you hadn’t really set out today looking for shirtless pictures of the Waynes, it wasn’t like you were going to say no to them. So, when the gossip channel had switched from the reactions of the Waynes to last night’s fiasco to… this… you’d just kept watching.
You wonder if you should stop doing this. It’s definitely kind of creepy, and now you’d technically once been his… step sister. What a mind fuck. You’ve been crushing on these dudes for a while, and now they were your ex-step siblings. This was like the start of a bad porno, but you knew you were not that lucky. And it wasn’t like you were going to start thinking of him as a brother any time soon. You hadn’t even met the guy. No, he was still firmly in the ‘celebrity crush’ section of your mind. Pretty and untouchable. The way things are supposed to be.
Which was also bad because you would probably have to meet and interact with him at some point. Probably in the near future. God knows you’d absolutely humiliated yourself in front of the fucking Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne,. Twice, in fact. You didn’t even want to think about the display you’d shown for Bruce Wayne or Damian Wayne.
You didn’t really know what to do with your slightly obsessive crushes. And you could see it definitely being a problem in the near future.
…You decide that what you do in your private time is absolutely nobody but yours business, and keep watching. It’s a mix of bitter spite and geniune mental breakdown levels of desperation that leads you to that decision. You feel like you’re a child with their toy being taken away, and it’s making you mad. And sad too. Even if you shouldn’t do this anymore, you still wanted to keep the habit. You’d mentioned before your creature comforts were one of the few things that kept you going. And while you were mostly very good at not being the jealous, heinous creature you really are, you knew you wouldn’t be giving this up.
They’d have to tear your gossip channels from your cold dead palms. You weren’t giving them up, not without a fight at least. Unfortunately for you, the universe seemed determined to wrestle away literally everything you loved.
Guilt’s for tomorrow. Today is for ice cream and purposefully ignoring everything. Speaking of which, you can not remember the last time you had a good Ben & Jerry’s. They were so expensive these days, as all groceries were. You simply couldn’t afford it. The Waynes, of course, had multiple tubs in multiple different options. Alfred had seemed delighted that you’d taken the ice cream, for which reasons you could not perceive.
Oh, yeah! His name was Alfred. Very butler-y. You’d remember it this time, he was a very nice man. And he called you ‘young miss’ which earned him points. He also didn’t seem to hate you on sight, or treat you like a two-headed freak, like some of the other people in this household. Not naming names. Yeah, fuck that noise, Damian Wayne obviously has issues and it’s much less attractive in real life.
The woman drones on, and your eyes flick to your phone. Yup, she’s still yapping. It’s not like you don’t appreciate Dick’s abs or anything, it’s just that you think she might’ve been talking about this one specific photo for over half an hour now. Lady should get a hobby. Wait, wait, this is her job. Maybe you should start a podcast where you rant about the Wayne’s excercise regimes. It seems to be quite a lucrative field.
You shriek when the door slams open, nearly tumbling backwards off the bed. Hands manage to grip the bedcovers before you tip over, not making a complete fool of yourself. As it goes, you lose your spoon to the carpet. Bits of cookie dough spread over the floor in a divine sacrifice. And you lose your sanity to the man standing in the doorway. To be fair, he looks just as confused as you feel.
You blink at the physically perfect form of Dick Grayson, and then turn your head to the TV to look at the other physically perfect form of Dick Grayson.
…You really wish you had a good explanation for this.
He mutters out your name, lips parted. Dick Grayson seems absolutely shocked to find you here. His eyes flick around the room, and eventually land on the TV. Said baby blues widen to the size of saucers when the reporter makes a really, really unneccesary comment.
“And in news that broke the hearts of both ladies and gentlemen everywhere in Bludhaven, Dick Grayson has announced he will be returning to Gotham to assist his family in this difficult time. My cousin in the Blud is probably crying right now. There’s no ass out there quite like his, and there’s no replacement for Bludhaven’s favourite young rich bachelor,” she winks at the camera, and then the shot of his tone stomach phases forward to take up the entire screen.
Well, there’s a lot to say about that. First of all, fuck. Second of all, shit. Third of all, she really couldn’t have said that part about Dick coming back to Gotham sooner? Per chance, before you’d found yourself in this situation?
You said you weren’t that lucky, you meant it.
“But still, ain’t that lucky for us Gothamites? I myself have spent a lot of time on Dick’s Tiktok and Instagram, and his thirst traps have been used in a lot of my personal-”
You snatch the remote from the sheets and pause it right there. The silence is tense.
#sophie speaks#sophie answers#series:www#www spoilers#i am. EMBARASSED#look i put a warning on my blog that id regularly forget things and i meant it#im sorry :/#i really wish i could fix it but like i... can not#dissociative disorder + fibro fog = never getting any shit done#but also i think im on the rise again!! i feel motivated and want to write so I'm gonna get doing that#this chapter will probably be a bit shorter but I'm uncertain#just trying to get it out really#i promise i really havent given up on www I'm too invested at this point lmao#if i do not see these bitches fucking i will be upset
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ngl it sort of pisses me off the way adults regard Gojo in Jujutsu Kaisen at times. Which could be a very interesting and poignant point in a good way if well written, but as it is it becomes mainly just frustrating and sad in a negative way.
Nanami saying Gojo never cared about anything or anyone other than himself crashes interestingly with Kusakabe saying the whole situation was just all his fault because he refused to kill Itadori. The students are very aware of those aspects of Gojo's personality, but overall they seem to regard him with way more kindness and fondness even when at their rudest, not truly coinciding with either Nanami's or Kusakabe's views.
#Kusakabe's words are harsh and negative but there's some true and some logic to them#but in beholding the entire story and the whole context‚ especially with the flashbacks in mind‚ in getting to know the sweet kid Yuuji is‚#the reader is made to find Kusakabe's words a bit outrageous and cruel and Gojo's position becomes the obvious one like Nanami's was#Like Kusakabe's is too in a way since he too says no matter what it's always the adults' fault whatever the cause was#And following the story we see Gojo cared a lot about those kids and them keeping their youthful cheerfulness if in his very flippant way#That's basically his main constant thread. We see it at the very beginning in what he did for Yuta and how Yuta is so fond of him#We see him at the very end in a way too with the letters he left#And his entire motivation was changing the very messed up society to avoid the kids going through what he and his friends went through#and to prevent them from being lonely the way he felt he was. Ontologically alienated. Entirely othered#And of course it's in part him keeping people away like Shoko. Or even Yuta (though here again it's at the core of his action his attempt#at protecting the kids and trying to prevent them from growing too fast)#And of course this is motivated by his own experiences and in that sense not entirely a selfless act#But those things still don't negate that his goal was for the future kids to be... in a better situation than what he and his friends lived#So Nanami's words are very cruel and... blind. Of course it's possible that Gojo's way of approaching the problem is still something#Nanami would regard as selfish (but it could be argued that so is Nanami's)‚ or that Gojo's perception of Nanami's way of thinking#about him would be this negative. But what we see through the story absolutely contradict Nanami's words in that airport#And though both Nanami's words and Kusakabe's are negative in regards to Gojo‚ they in a way contradict each other#The kids' words and way of seeing Gojo is most of the time more... accurate? If also diverse among them#They see him like an idiot. They trust him. They think he's childish and annoying. They love him#They find him flippant. They know he cares about them. In a way they see both what Kusakabe and Nanami say about him#The negative. And the ultimate positive aspect at the core of it all. That Gojo did care and that Gojo did take care#and that Gojo risked and sacrificed a lot for them and that Gojo was doing this in great part because of his own past#Yuta perhaps is the one who sees it best but it's so interesting too the dynamic Maki‚ Yuuji and Megumi have with Gojo‚ his acts and antics#And this whole thing‚ this frivolous and even... cruel way most adults seem to regard Gojo and how it clashes with the kids' deep feelings#about him (beyond the initial 'he's an untrustworthy idiot' though those as well!') is super interesting and super sad and super juicy#OR IT COULD BE bc in the end all that happens is that Nanami says that and Gojo pouts comically or that Kusakabe makes that offhand comment#as if it held no weight‚ as if Yuji weren't present and had never agonised over it‚ as if Gojo hadn't lost his life trying to save the kid#And yes he risked more than his life but he was trying to save a kid bc another kid (bc Megumi!) asked. But maybe it didn't matter if no one#asked. He saved Yuta too. Of course he would have risked it all. In his mix of selfishness and selflessness. Everything is so juicy#yet the writing feels so dry and lame. There's no pondering. There's talk of guilt and grief without any true sense of grieving or loss
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mildly annoyed today and turning evil about it
#it's not about this but i did just see that damn ursula le guin quote Again and it is starting to get to me#like yeah i get it i fucking get it but also shut uppp#i am not 'refusing to admit' that bad things are bad i am 1. telling lies. bc that's what fiction is for#2. seeking catharsis. bc that's what fiction is for#3. trying to confront u with the uncomfortable truth that people who have done bad things are people#'bad' people deserve human rights. hashtag grimdark hashtag no fun hashtag kicking puppies#also it's an out of context quote From A Work Of Fiction so idfk what le guin actually thought or meant#but ppl keep sharing it in a hashtag inspirational hashtag hopepunk way and it's sooo annoying#also like the fact that ppl who say these things so often talk about *evil* like it's a state of being#like EVIL PEOPLE (kind of person that definitely exists) aren't ever interesting or complex and Shouldn't be the focus of your art#(bc examining them must mean excusing or endorsing them somehow or at very least distracting from more Virtuous Matters)#hmm. yeah you're why i'm writing this#'cool motive still murder' thats it youre going in the labyrinth -> -> ->#like yes. it is ofc possible to get too deep into What A Fascinating Twisted Mind etc etc#but also. rargrgrgrgrgrgghrghhhh
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hi
#OKAY SO#did i promise to work on content then proceed to fuck off? yes#motivation is lowkey at an all time low#but i want to get back into writing fics again#like idk tumblr isn't as fun as it used to be#and i feel like most of my moots have stopped being active too
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Me: I want to write, but I have no ideas
The 20+ wips and prompts in my docs: 🙄
#i guess it's more of a motivation thing#i was looking in my drafts last night and I guess my writing brain just shut down as soon as library boy was complete#yes i wrote a couple short things since then but nothing much#i miss writing but i can't seem to get myself to actually do it again#i haven’t even been reading lately#my brain will only take in visual media#or maybe im too tired after reading subtitles to read fic after?#okay i lie i read a couple bad buddy fics recently#Anyway back to watching cute boys kiss instead of reading about it#i think there’s going to be cute girls kissing in this show too 🥰
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