#Most of this was done with like two seconds of reference pictures if any so bare with me on this | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mins-fins · 1 month ago

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shining star !

"shining star come into view.."

synopsis: life, in all of it's forms, is beautiful. life created is beautiful, life unknown is beautiful, the calloused hands which carve out the structures of life are beautiful. just don't form an attachment, it'll be harder in the long run.

pairing: nct dream 00z x male!reader

genre: science fiction, near future au, robots and androids, love rectangle??, vaguely space au, fluff, angst, romance but also no one gets the guy at the end, 00z centric pov, sorry no reader pov 😣, relationship studies, ambiguous/open ending, loose frankenstein references, featuring guest star android park jisung

warnings: swearing, space talk, robot talk, fighting, an ending that seems sad, mean sexy boss doyoung, the ethics of getting dangerously emotionally attached to your own invention, sooo much star talk, beware android jisung

word count: 16.2k

notes: me after not posting for ten days straight then just coming out with this 😇 anyway!! experimental ass work wouldve done numbers on ao3 (kidding..), feel like for a work with four love interests the romance seems pretty lacking 😭😭 i missed jeno.. and haechan and jaemin and renjun and im experiencing a wave of sadness bc nct dream were in my city and i didnt even get to see them 😣 also ANDROID JISUNG!! i like writing new things, and this was a challenge because unlike most of my other long works i started writing this before i had the full picture in mind, also i wrote all of this in the span of nine days so um, im not posting anytime soon again 😞 my apologies for fluctuating with my consistency.. also the ending is open!! so you can imagine any outcome you want, good or bad, enough of my rambling now, just enjoy my mess!!

I. “ beware: for i am fearless, and therefore powerful “.

the effervescent expanse of space is an enigma, a mystery humans often poke and prod at to draw needless conclusions from. being stranded in a galaxy on a floating rock yet having little to no idea of what the unknown holds is enough to capture fear, being completely oblivious to the true nature of the universe you’re stuck in the middle of is enough to arise panic.

astronauts are brave, yes, but space is much too vast for humans, much too vast for them to survive a day outside of their oxygen filled utopia. rovers usually are feasible, but they’re now outdated, hunks of metal that more than often break down, and if the familiar knitting of doyoung’s eyebrows is any indication, it all frustrates him to an extreme extent.

still, it doesn’t explain why they suddenly have a titular new member joining their team.

jeno has become accustomed to all the nooks and crannies of the laboratory. the hallway splits into two turns reminiscent of a fork in the road, and it’s always the right turn that leads him to his destination, the left turn would put him straight in the arms of donghyuck, who isn’t exactly having the best time reacting to such news, so he’s making sure to keep a safe distance.

maybe catching a glimpse of your face will aid in the erasure of donghyuck’s distinct glare burned into jeno’s mind.

“y/n?”

it’s the usual: a mess. the mechanics of it all is your favorite part. science is beautiful, yes, but your one true love seems to always be robotics. the art of creation using that of metal is.. strange, some would say it’s off putting, nerdy, many more synonyms that would usually make jeno roll his eyes. the barrage of scattered aluminum and steels is as mundane to his eyes as it is mundane to the touch of your fingertips.

but you aren’t exactly visible from the first step into the room.

there’s a muffled sound of reply, a hum? groan? something that jeno can’t decipher with the heaping piles of bioplastics making their home on the ground.

he’s cut off from the second calling of your name when you rise from a pile of metals tucked in the corner, under the window and just barely evading the light attempting to seep through the curtains. you offer him your usual smile, snickering as you remove the clear glasses perched atop your nose and place them on your head. “jeno! do you need something?”

jeno can barely help the upturn of his lips, his hands unconsciously coming to clasp together. “i’m assuming doyoung told you.. right?”

you blink, displayed obliviousness betraying the clear insight behind your eyes. you run your sweaty palms over your pants, the id pinned to your chest seemingly crumpled from your former activities on the floor. “about the new addition to the team?”

his nod is paired with silence.

“and about this new.. project?”

you hum at the sight of his second nod, tucking a strand behind your ear as you then begin whistling into the air. jeno busies himself by zeroing in on the many blueprints you leave rolled open on the nearby tables, robots, robot parts, androids, the usual..

jeno’s eyes flit over to you again, a small kick to all the elastomers littering the floor, he hopes you have no objection to that one. “guess i can see where he’s coming from” your hands place themselves onto your hips, the sound of you kissing your teeth meeting jeno’s ears. “gives me more time for this new prototype though” the sense of your euphoria in your smile can’t seem to be replicated elsewhere, jeno sees your passion for all of this as meritorious, a true sign to how you’ll never change.

“and the new.. member?”

your eyebrows raise, using an eye roll as your response. “well you don’t seem too keen”.

you possess the striking ability to read lee jeno like an open book. you begin rolling up the many blueprints as a silent way of organization, your reverberating hum being the tune of ‘shining star’ by earth wind and fire. jeno scratches behind his ear, a frown tugging at his lips. “guess i just don’t understand what we need someone new for”.

“they just assume i need someone else attached to robotics to make it all go smoother”.

oh, jeno didn’t expect for you to know that one.

“this has always been a staple of our team, it was just you and me for a year, then hyuck joined, then two years later injunie joined us, it’s around that time where someone else is being added simply for the sake of moving us along”.

“it’s been almost three years, do we really need an asset when you already do such great a job yourself?”

you suck your teeth, snapping your fingers in his direction as jeno obeys your silent order by handing over yet another blueprint, it’s the only one with a finished sketch, but jeno can’t make out the drawn out parts for long, as you roll it up and place it with your other ones. “ask doyoung, he clearly has an answer for that one”.

the room isn’t exactly dimly lit, but the lack of light permeating through the satin curtains don’t do your side profile justice. jeno’s eyes drift their naturally, you again sigh as your head leans downward, irises dilating at the sight of your very own work. “did he tell you whose joining?” your tongue prods at the side of your cheek, fist knocking on the wood of the table before you.

“an engineer formerly assigned to siberies”.

a furrowing of eyebrows. “that far? why would there need to be such a drastic move?”

“doyoung does what doyoung does”.

your tooth sinks into your bottom lip, just barely drawing blood, but then, a smile, your usual, soft smile. “anyway, you know how i feel about additions, as long as they care, i don’t mind”.

“you’re too good with people”.

your responding laughter is laced with elation.

with your arms folded over your chest, jeno takes yet another few minutes to observe the room you often spend hours upon hours stuck in. the cognizant urge to zero in on that old picture of you two is always high, you uttered to jeno that you keep it in your room as an ‘encouraging reminder’, him being one of your first real friends and all.

there are other photos too, but jeno pays little to no regard for the stupid photographs of donghyuck which litter the shelves. the photos of you and jeno expand a wide array of your collection, but the one from before you two ended up becoming slaves to this curse of a laboratory is one he cherishes dearly.

it was always just you two before all of this.

“why do you think space?”

jeno ceases his staring, instead intrigued by your sudden inquiry. “you’ll have to specify what you mean”.

you opt to sucking your teeth, a display of your bubbling irritation. “space is so.. well, empty, it’s a void that can barely be explored planet by planet, we’ll never be able to touch the sun, never able to go ourselves for another few decades seeing the pace science is going, we can barely even get a piece of metal near our first planet, so, why exactly space?”

science is about inquiry, science is built on the basis of human curiosity and nature no one can understand, but they long to pick apart. you then tilt your head, face scrunching at your own words. “i guess.. you know— doyoung, i have something he wants, something he deems valuable, i can’t exactly understand why space is so relevant, i don’t get the purpose of pouring my life into an android for something i won’t ever experience”.

and maybe you find it amusing, your silent snickers make sure to spell that out. the question is one that’s drawn out, less of a question and more of a thought vomit, something jeno didn’t exactly expect from a conversation such as this.

jeno stares upward, and for an unknown reason, he longs to feel your fingers intertwined with his. “we’ll never really know enough, but that can be said for anything, science is about questioning the unknown, research for the benefit of those coming after us”.

“human inquiry”.

“hm”.

you seem interested, picking off a piece of cotton sticking to the side of his sweatshirt. “smart ass” you joke, a small snort leaving your lips at the blow.

and really, jeno just smiles, you’re too sweet to genuinely deliver an insult.

II. “ he was soon borne away by the waves and lost in darkness and distance “.

the team is introduced to the new ‘asset’ (jeno loathes such a word) the following monday. a popular robotics engineer by the name of na jaemin, no one is aware of anything other than the fact that he is respected, his name rolls off the tongue well, and the pink hair is much too bright in comparison to the stillness of his expression.

the “team” simply began as a mere duo, which then became a blossoming trio, when then became a.. group. there’s only one member who doesn’t hold the anxiety permeating off of everyone else, and that is you.

fearless, that’s what you are. to the extent that six feet tall mechanical contraptions can’t even earn the hinder of a muscle. maybe being locked in a room as a way of work does that to a man, jeno will have to look into if that is a strategy for toughening up or something.

jeno immediately observes the obvious, jaemin’s hands are dry and calloused. when he reaches for handshakes, donghyuck is the only one who doesn’t make a move, something of a cower in his expression. it’s a bit of a surprise, bright, loud mouthed, brash donghyuck, cowering? jeno finds such a prospect astonishing.

jaemin’s grin is somewhat scary for a first time interaction, his teeth bare in a motion that’s simply.. performed. “it’s nice to meet you, all of you, i’ve heard good things about this.. team”.

you don’t reply with a smile, but there’s satisfaction behind your eyes. “you were not who i was expecting”.

“same here” renjun speaks jeno’s thoughts out into the world, his smile strained.

jaemin’s smile is again unsavory, but jeno keeps his composure so as to not let such a comment slip. for a reason unknown, you show a smile. “well then, let’s work hard together to make sure we succeed”.

donghyuck now physically cowers behind jeno, a grimace perfectly placed on his features as he readies up a sneer. “i don’t like this guy” he says, as if jaemin isn’t standing less than a foot away from him.

“i can hear you” jaemin’s smile twitches, not yet fully faltering.

“good” donghyuck replies, his arm coming to link with your own. he raises a suspicious eyebrow his way, keeping himself close by, as if you’d square up if jaemin decided to make any sort of threat towards him.

you reach behind yourself to squeeze donghyuck’s hand, clear serenity in your expression. “be nice” you whisper. “we’ll be seeing more of each other from now on either way”.

donghyuck grimaces, eyeing jaemin with distrust he isn’t keen on taking back. “hopefully not..” he mutters, eyes casting to the right.

jaemin simply shares another formidable smile.

both you and jaemin are assigned to the northernmost lab, sniō. a cold, isolated world that’s nothing reminiscent of the warmth your regular office holds, jeno’s face twitches at the name alone, how one could even survive in such an atmosphere is beyond him.

you always do the robot stuff, and since jaemin is in the same field, it means the time spent between you two shall grow, just until you create a working prototype.

na jaemin seems to be just as intrigued by you as everyone is when they first meet you, jeno guesses having to work with someone in a below freezing room brings two close.

“i apologize for donghyuck’s.. attitude, he takes a while to warm up to”.

“seems he doesn’t want to warm up at all”.

your eyes remain trained on the screen, jaemin takes note of how your irises seem to void out, nothing but pure, untouched engrossment present in the darkness. you then put on the pair of glasses typically kept at your side, cracking your knuckles. “don’t worry, he’s not that bad”.

“but he’s still somewhat bad?”

jaemin is somewhat drawn to it, you in particular. this is about a partnership after all, meaning you two have to sink into the feeling of knowing each other. the flurry of robot parts earn a grunt, hands now placing themselves onto his hips. “not that bad, he can just have.. an attitude problem”.

the other offers a chuckle in response to your words, an empty blueprint being rolled open onto the metal table. jaemin cops a glance, lips doing an upturn at the focus in your expression. “let’s get this done, yeah?”

a hum is all you’re offered, but it’s not that jaemin doesn’t care, it’s just that he doesn’t want to laser focus on that pretty smile of yours.

III. “ what can stop the determined heart and resolved will of man? “.

when you get deep into work, you slip into a certain state of mind. maybe one day you’ll be responsible for androids overthrowing the human race and taking over the world, donghyuck thinks you probably foresee such an outcome with how much you put into pieces of metals.

lee donghyuck first met you in the same manner as jeno, in the crossroads of the laboratory’s mishmash of a hallway.

robot presence at an all time high, donghyuck remembers visibly jumping backward once coming into contact with you, now unable to tear his eyes away from the sight. he blinked, then his eyes narrowed against his will, a clear display of his judgment. “woah”.

exactly, his first words to you were ‘woah’, an exhibit of his surprise, definitely not his last one when it would come to you. he supposes that the whole unpredictability ruse is how you live your life, maybe jeno isn’t all that crazy.

you blinked in a silent reply, then, you laughed into your usual pretty smile as a third hand rose from behind your back. “hello to you too”.

“another hand?”

the intrigue was genuine, a simple judgment still there, but the inquiries were outweighing it all, as he tilted his head as his reply to your own. your nod was, in the strangest way possible, comforting. “i need extra assistance”.

donghyuck immediately knew the next question; “you created it yourself?”

“yep, have control of it and everything”.

he couldn’t even let a snarky lie slip in the moment. “that’s very impressive, do you usually..?”

you sensed his upcoming query, because you again giggled. “yeah, robotics is my passion”.

donghyuck hummed, somehow, the smile you brought was without irritation. “y/n”.

“donghyuck, it’s nice to meet you”.

and really, it was.

doyoung is no longer the monster donghyuck thought he was way back when he was an intern, as he gets older, the other seems to have glares that soften. his scientific curiosity exceeded the earlier fear, though, because he’s been able to stay here for years even with the older looking as if he wants to wrap a hand around his neck and squeeze.

the first time donghyuck meets both you and jeno, he immediately observes the other’s puppy like features. he found your relationship odd, considering you didn’t have to do anything magnificent yet lee jeno would stare with an enraptured gaze as if the individual moles on your face themselves solved world hunger and cured disease.

ah, so you two have that kind of relationship.

(“don’t you think jeno looks like a samoyed?” he recalls uttering to you a week later, there was a gleam in your eye, and it was completely dedicated to the blueprints you had probably gazed upon millions of times before that moment.

your laughter came in a harmonious rhythm, and the sound was so pleasant that donghyuck stared plainly captivated for a mere moment. “at an angle, he kind of does look like a puppy” your hand came to cover your mouth, despite donghyuck being the only person in your company.

donghyuck found a frown tugging at his lips, what are you hiding? don’t you know your laughter is pretty? he opted out of saying that out loud, anxious over something unknown. “sometimes he even acts like one”.

you clicked your tongue, playing with the collar of your shirt. “he’s simply clingy” you replied, straightening your posture as you silently ask for a pen with the motioning of your fingers. when donghyuck hands it over, he relishes in the small moment that your fingers meet, the delicacy of your hands is a feeling he can’t ever shake off.

or maybe lee jeno is simply in love, isn’t that strange y/n?)

donghyuck eventually got acclimated to the aberration of the usual laboratory day. doyoung asks a lot of you, courtesy of your vast knowledge concerning everything robots. you seem to enjoy the proposition of working yourself to the ground, it’s as if you’re trying to meet a goal, see how long you can work before you completely pass out or get choked to death by one of your robot contraptions.

“you’ll die if you keep going like this”.

your response was a scrunch of your facial muscles, an action that made donghyuck assume you’d reply with some snappy rebuttal, that’s what he always does after all. “death can’t catch up to me just yet, i won’t allow for it to”.

“not sure it’ll be glad with that proposal..” donghyuck muttered, but you simply let your eyes avert upward, distinguishing the planet models cascaded on the ceiling. it’s a staple of the laboratory’s main room, a duplicate of our very own solar system, fit with the sun, and the eight titular planets we have become accustomed to (though donghyuck knows you don’t exactly agree with the prospect of pluto being demoted, “poor guy, he probably feels left out..”; that’s what you muttered about it, he finds it funny).

“when the time is right, i’ll have control over how i want to go”.

“we’ll you can’t exactly determine the wavelength of destiny” donghyuck responded, and you snickered, hand again coming up to hide your mouth.

“don’t worry, something so stupid won’t be what takes me out, i promise you”.

you promised him, you promised him.

for a fourth interaction, donghyuck simply found you so.. beautiful. beautiful in a manner reminiscent of the many galaxies which hold worlds in them, tied with the stars, planets, comets, asteroids, all the celestial bodies donghyuck has dedicated so much of his life to studying.

the promise was signed by your pretty smile, signed by the shooting stars present in the night sky.

it’ll be kept, after all, you aren’t one to break them, donghyuck knows that well enough.

IV. “ the world was to me a secret which i desired to devine “.

na jaemin isn’t exactly used to such a work ethic reminiscent of his own.

he works better alone, he usually always works alone. he originally got a part in this project because he thought he was the only engineer on this prototype duty, the only one specializing in actually creating this android, but then you came into the picture, and..

it’s safe to say that he’s steadily impressed.

the prototype has nothing of a face, it’s simply a standing piece of metals that don’t exactly allow for it to scrunch it’s face in the manner of a human being just yet. there’s ink painted on jaemin’s shirt, just shy of his usually prim and clear id, but that isn’t his main focus currently.

it— he opens his eyes for the first time, the eyelids fluttering open in the fashion replicating that of someone waking up in the morning. it stands rock still, the arms haven’t been programmed well enough yet.

your gaze burns through the pre-android, arms folded over your chest as you still in a method implicative of the robotic body before you. it’s pupils dilate, the irises completely black, not the familiar dark brown color of your eyes, simply pitch black. the sclera is a pure, blank white that is nothing of a human’s, jaemin would know.

he glances at his side, your eyes dark and the circles under them even darker. he opens his mouth to speak out a query, but then the android starts;

his pupils dilate, widening to the extent only a human’s pupil can, so lively so early in the process. again, the movements are unnatural, arms remaining pinned at his sides.

his mouth doesn’t curve upward, his eyes convey all there is to convey. good morning, it speaks, voice devoid of anything.. sensation, the only hint of one being behind the pupils which remained wide. i love you.

then, there’s nothing more else to say, and the pre-done android winds up, shoulders slumping as it shuts back down, eyelids fluttering shut, pupils narrowing, all of the color draining from where they previously remained.

jaemin blinks, observing you pinch the bridge of your nose, your teeth kissing one another. “i keep forgetting we programmed that one”.

“think he just does it as a natural instinct now” your arms drop at your sides, glasses being swept off your face and placed onto the nearby table. it is 11:38 pm, not morning, but he doesn’t seem to care.

“he? so it’s a boy?”

you inquire as if you’re attending a gender reveal, something of an amusing look behind your own pupils. “first name idea i got was for a boy.. do you want a change?”

your hum isn’t intelligible enough for jaemin to decipher your inner most thoughts. “no, it’s cute”.

“what?”

“your dedication to this project”.

in a manner that is completely unlike him, a tint of red spreads across jaemin’s cheeks, heat coiling over his face. you didn’t call him cute, why did that even fluster him? he opts to glancing away, he wouldn’t be able to take his eyes off you if he again decided to stare.

“is that it for tonight?”

“i want to add on a few tweaks” you reply, you don’t mention anything pertaining to sleep.

“not even a couple of hours?”

you simply manage a fleeting glance, a tired smile present on your features. his hair is mussed, tousled from the little care he paid to it throughout the day, you reach over and twirl a strand between your fingers, a ministration that brings a specific feeling of solace which comes as a small surprise.

“there’s no need to worry about me, you go get sleep”.

there’s the urge to rebel, to argue until his throat itches and it all hurts, but he keeps it all inside, mouth falling closed with a silent plop. “tomorrow same time?”

you hum in agreement.

jaemin’s face twitches, the freezing atmosphere of sniō now becoming more of a bother than before. your index finger again graces a hair strand, and his eyes flutter closed in a moment of relaxation.

he then chuckles at a sudden thought, glancing upward. “what do you think about the name mouth suction gangster?”

your laughter is irresistible, amusement high in the air despite the late night. “i think we’ll lose our federal funding if you name him such a thing”.

jaemin presents an exaggerated pout, and you ruffle his pink locks. “do you have any name ideas?”

you lean closer, jaemin instinctively leaning backward as you continue to seem bewitched by his pink hair. “it’s a secret”.

jaemin takes the opportunity to admire your features, each of your individual moles could be one of their own galaxies, holding a barrage of stars which simply amplify your beauty. “i’ll find out”.

“sure, good night jaemin”.

jaemin isn’t sure why, but he hopes to see that smile around more. it’s simply.. well, the words won’t come to mind just yet.

“good night y/n”.

when he finds out what the word is, it’ll surely become one of his favorites.

V. “ there is something at work in my soul, which i do not understand “.

renjun’s name has a flurry of meanings despite it being a mere six letters, it’s a simple combination of two parts, yet those two parts hold the staple of how he managed things through his eyes for the latter part of his life.

the part “仁” usually means “benevolence”, it’s the meaning most people associate with the first three letters. the other two meanings are “ideal” and “expressing respect”, the adjective being “sensitive”. his parents reiterated to him many times that they had several arguments about the choosing, because naming your child whose future you can’t foresee the word kind is genuinely hilarious, but renjun would ensure that he’d grow up to be the kindest son they could ever have.

the second half “俊” is the typical name which means “handsome; pretty” or “of outstanding talent”, the adjectives being “smart, eminent”, a laughable prospect really, renjun has always been said to get his looks from his mother, he inherited her soft features whilst he got the strong personality (and by proxy, voice) from his father.

he assumes his smarts must be a mix, renjun never thought science, really, he originally wanted to go to school for music, but as his mother said; “music doesn’t pay the bills”.

he was never meant to end up here, not on his own accord anyway, and he was never supposed to be a part of this team in the first place.

but here he is.

don’t name it, he recalls doyoung saying, a booming voice being his go to. it’s only going to survive out in space for a couple of months, naming it will simply make it all harder in the long run.

but of course, you’ve never been one to listen.

to love something is to give it a name, you’ve always had attachments to your projects. heck, most of your caffeine addiction can be attributed to that talking coffee machine you created way back.

it makes enough sense to renjun why both you and jaemin gave the android a name, it’s usual to name a creation of yours, especially if there’s a specific meaning in mind.

renjun’s not a fan of robots, especially not of androids. despite all your fondness, he just can’t get it, and he knows he won’t ever get it, they simply freak him out. androids are too lifelike, androids are so freaky, he just can’t find an ounce of humanity in them that so called creators could find so easily.

the prototype isn’t yet finished, but it already has a couple defining facial features. it has small eyes, tiny heart shaped lips, a splitting smile, and it seems to have a knack for saying “i love you”.. like all the time.

and doyoung specifically said to not name it. naming it means attachment, attachment that’ll interfere with the way doyoung longs for this mission to go.

we can’t have another failure, you know what’ll happen to y/n if this goes wrong.

renjun isn’t quite as taken to this as the others seem to be..

“you gonna give it a name?”

renjun observes as you only let one eye open, arms acting as your makeshift pillow as you allow for your legs to stretch across the couch. you ponder for a moment, renjun senses that you’re contemplating on if you should lie or not, something about information between robotics engineers staying between them.

(and he loathes it, why are you keeping secrets with jaemin?)

“him, and yes, jaemin is very keen on doing so”.

“okay, so what do you have in mind?”

“are you gonna tell donghyuck?”

the question seems a tiny bit accusatory, renjun would feel offended if not for there being some truth behind those words. you know too much for your own good, he’s secretly afraid you’re some crazy mind reading alien, or a time traveler, or you’re just constantly eavesdropping.

he glances away, staring endlessly at the twinkling stars in the night sky. he hasn’t been stargazing in a while, it was a little tradition you two developed after your first dinner together, back when renjun was the newbie who had the least scientific experience. he guesses nerdy constellation knowledge made for a good past time.

(“you have a favorite?” renjun recalls you asking him. it was a spontaneous exchange, going up to the rooftop when you weren’t allowed to gave renjun the full picture of how exactly you were. your smile remains as pretty as it was when renjun first met you in the cold interior of doyoung’s claustrophobic office.

“aquila” he still has the taste of the word on his tongue. “it contains some of my favorite stars, altair, theta aquilae, lambda aquilae.. most of them”.

your intrigue seemed to be contagious, and though the light was minuscule, he could still make out your prettiest features under the dimly shining stars. the light of the shooting stars reflected in the shine of your pupils, a shine that simply seemed so.. perfect. “do you have a favorite?” renjun asked back, hands placed in his lap as he fruitfully avoided your eyes.

you feigned thought, renjun already knows you usually always have the answer on standby. “sagittarius, it consists of the two triple stars, you know i always see pi sagittarius on nights like this..”

of course, pi sagittarius is visible to the naked eye, renjun barely had to squint to capture a glimpse that night. and you? you simply looked enchanted, bewitched, something else that again seemed contagious, as renjun couldn’t help but use the moment to gaze at you with such captivation. you’re captivating, without having even to do anything special, simply talking about the stars is enough.

you scooted closer, knees knocking and shoulders brushing against renjun’s. “if you were a star.. you would be gamma arietis.. it’s apart of aries, one of the brightest”.

it’s a fleeting whisper, an intimate moment that could barely even be deemed ‘intimate’. renjun assumes so, though, who just says that? who compares someone to one of the prettiest stars in the sky? the cool night air did a good job of masking his tinted cheeks, but renjun can never exactly forget it.

in his own sickening mind, huang renjun would’ve taken that as a love confession. gladly as well.)

renjun’s gaze remains fixed on the window, your eyes now again fluttering closed. “am i no longer trustworthy?”

you hum, eyes remaining closed, exhaustion slowly beginning to seep through. “you’ve earned my trust, but it can always be broken”.

renjun is aware. the only person you probably fully trust at this point is jeno, but of course, you’ve known him for the longest. “i have my pinky, i’ll swear”.

you look as if you’re about to slip, but then you suddenly flinch, rising from your spot in an abrupt jerking movement that startles renjun out of his star admiring. “i’m not done yet..”

“y/n, it’s late, are you really going back to sniō?”

“it’s last minute!”

terrible fucking excuse, renjun’s nose crinkles.

it’s less of him being angry, more of him simply wanting your company, attention, just.. something, why should it all be divided between jaemin and this android thing? his stomach curls in an ugly feat of jealousy.

his arms stay dropped at his sides, and he clears his throat. “don’t stay at the laboratory all night again!”

stupid thing to say, he already knows you will, you’ve never been one to listen.

VI. “ if i cannot inspire love, i will cause fear! “.

the “team” (jeno doesn’t really think of them as such) is introduced to prototype 205 on a seemingly regular thursday. fortunately for jeno, they don’t have to be in the below freezing environment of sniō, he’d probably faint from such a prospect. no, you guys meet in the space of the main laboratory, the overhead lights shining over you as if you’re an angel.

“his name is jisung” jaemin says, full of pride. your silence is key, there might be no words, but jeno can practically feel your excitement. sometimes, he feels as if your minds must be connected by some invisible wire. your fatigue is clear, jaemin probably hasn’t gotten sleep in weeks, jeno is afraid he might pass out, and you? your exhaustion is now completely usual, the bags under your eyes holding them upward as to not have them flutter shut.

“jisung” your voice is soft as you glance over at i— him, your stare nothing short of proud. “say hi to renjun, jeno, and donghyuck”.

jisung, half hidden behind jaemin’s shoulder, looks up at jaemin, as if for encouragement. it’s cute. jeno has to remind himself that the mannerisms are simply coded into his system. jaemin nods at him, and jisung finally shows out a part of his face, not yet stepping out.

“hi renjun” his eyelids flutter a little too humanely. “hello jeno, donghyuck” his voice is soft, yet it’s deep, clearly deeper than jeno’s, scratch that, probably deeper than everyone’s.

“..i look forward to working with you” donghyuck replies cautiously.

jaemin’s eyes shine as jisung parrots such enthusiasm, your shoulders slumping forward in action of relief. jeno’s eyes form into crescents as he smiles, just watching you be proud of your own work pleases him. despite your unkempt, mad scientist appearance, no one would ever be able to guess you had been awake for about thirty two hours simply trying to get jisung to turn on. the fondness in your expression is more befitting of a proud parent than an inventor.

you’re going to break your own heart at this point, jeno knows it, and judging by renjun’s narrowed eyes, he knows it too.

donghyuck chokes on nothing in the air, a clutch to his chest amplifying the dramatics of it all. “oh my god, he’s so cute” he can barely contain his laughter, pure excitement behind his eyes. “you made him cute”.

“of course i did” jaemin replies, sounding a tad bit offended. “he’s the cutest, all courtesy of y/n’s expertise”.

jeno can’t help the unconscious softening of his gaze as jisung copies your smile. his feigned irritation is barely even sustained, it’s difficult to keep a straight face when he is so adorable.

renjun simply grumbles something he takes as a silent rebuttal, it’ll probably take a while for him to get used to jisung. jeno blinks at jisung, who again smiles as he practically senses jeno’s eyes. “it’s nice to meet you, jisung”.

the name rolls off the tongue rather well.

“why jisung?”

jeno knows you, and by ‘knows’, he means spent full hours with you hiding in storage closets from the mean older kids when they’d trash your inventions, back before all of this, back when jeno was the only one you had to lean on. he hasn’t gotten the full scope when it comes to the full extent of your mind, but you two have history.

and what jeno knows, is that you don’t choose names unless there’s a specific meaning in mind. you like names, you think they’re “simply the prettiest kind of random, meanings can go a long way..”

you blink your eyes up at the ceiling, and somehow, even with the insane lethargy, they don’t close against your own will, you simply keep them open. you motion your hand, beckoning for jeno to give you his.

his hand places into yours in a natural sense of action, and of course, even with the roughness of the metals you spend hours around, your hands remain soft, soothing. jeno wonders if touching a cloud could compare to the pure delicacy of your palm, your fingertips. you give a glance upward, the curves of your eyes mirroring your very own smile.

“jisung means.. devotion” you whisper, slowly tracing the spelling of his name into jeno’s palm. “it can also ironically mean alive, jaemin thought of that one..”

“devotion to who?”

when your eyes flit upward, jeno wonders if that was the wrong question to ask. there’s nothing foreseeable behind your eyes, or maybe there is and it’s successfully overshadowed by your clear lack of sleep. he almost jumps backward, but then you smile again, your eyes forming into crescents as you begin a silent fit of laughter. “everyone really, loyalty, it’s one of his biggest traits”.

you know if this continues your simply going to hurt yourself in the end.

jeno refrains from letting such a thought escape him. “he really is cute”.

jeno leans closer, whispering the words as if they’re some sort of secret, as if doyoung could be around the corner with his watchful eye on you two, as if this is an old sleepover you two are having where you giggle about what the future may bring, fingers intertwined and all. “i know, it’s a very important asset”.

not important to the mission.

again, jeno doesn’t speak such thoughts, you’re so happy, you’re so proud.

he knows better than to ruin such a beautiful thing.

VII. “ i ought to be thy adam, but i am rather the fallen angel… “.

doyoung wanted to get rid of you before project apollo and the success of prototype 205.

donghyuck didn’t have to hear it from renjun, he heard it in the way doyoung let each individual word fall from his lips. it’s often deemed a little ‘crazy’ that he hyper fixates on things that don’t seem to matter, but when it comes to you, donghyuck thinks it always matters.

it was a cruel move, to slyly hint it to the three and leave you out of the loop, donghyuck is all for a little cruelty sometimes, but it’s just tip toeing the line of evil. how could he even think of doing something without telling you first?

na jaemin was brought in as a replacement, the choice to keep you was only agreed upon after your teammates’ insistence. project athena went up in flames, which is what caused the distrust, but they pleaded your case either way.

(“don’t you think this is a little too drastic?” worry colored renjun’s usually stoic expression, if donghyuck focused enough, he could hear an upcoming tremble in his voice. “think of what y/n’s done for you already!”

it was two days before the arrival of the new engineer that it happened. in a manner of rarity, you were out that saturday, something only possible because of dejun’s surprisingly intimidating request. you mused that simply one day of rest would be fine, a good move on dejun’s part.

doyoung’s raised eyebrow was a threat that made even renjun tense. “shall i remind you of the mess which was project athena?”

“you can’t let him go over one failure, he’s like.. the only person who actually knows anything about robots!” yes, it got to the point where donghyuck was flailing his arms back and forth in the air. “and besides, we don’t know the other guy like that..”

“this project isn’t designed for your comfortability” god screw doyoung and his paper stacking. his hair is too neat, his eyes are too empty, his facial expressions much too stoic. maybe donghyuck’s childish fear back from his intern days is gone, but there still seems to be another kind of fear left over. “y/n’s become a liability, we’ve taken too many risks”.

jeno and donghyuck got offended on your behalf. jeno’s facial muscles twitched, a clear frown tugging at his lips as he sucked his teeth at the words from doyoung. donghyuck’s hands clenched the material of his pants, a gasp of disbelief leaving his lips. they exchanged a glance of vexation, an irritated snort leaves donghyuck. he had to be kidding.

“just.. this last mission, come on, it’ll go well”.

yes, it was renjun’s words that got a twitch out of doyoung. the older’s eyes examined each of them, renjun, then jeno, then donghyuck. then, he sighed, rolling his eyes. “you three are like children, this is his last chance, if y/n fails, you aren’t coming back here with your bag of excuses..”

donghyuck tutted, crossing his arms in an act of clear defiance. jeno looked the least irritated out of the three, but donghyuck knows it’s only because he was thinking more of you than of doyoung. renjun scowled, stomping his feet and storming out of the room.

“see? like a child”.

donghyuck probably would’ve jumped at him if not for jeno’s hand gracing his shoulder, rubbing his thumb over the blades in a comforting manner. jeno’s anger had quelled by that point, and he allowed himself to relax as best as he could. “thank you doyoung”.

donghyuck didn’t thank him for anything, there wasn’t shit to thank him for.)

the conference doesn’t need many speakers, so someone is clearly going to be left behind. donghyuck knows he’s going, he’s already prepared speeches, presentation note cards, and post it note reminders. to his very own dismay, jaemin has to tag along, and though it was an obvious foreshadowing, he still hates it.

your attendance is obvious, you’re probably much more prepared than donghyuck is, there’s never an event you don’t pre-prepare for, you always say that it’s “just in case”. that leaves it to renjun and jeno, one of them has to stay behind with jisung.

“think jeno should come with..” jaemin utters, your shuffling of papers fills the room, no sound comes from you, no indication of your agreement or disagreement. “don’t you have the coding expertise? we could use that”.

renjun begins picking at his nails, clearly anxious about being left alone with jisung. donghyuck raises an eyebrow at jaemin, lips turning downward. “are you the one calling the shots now?”

“it’s a suggestion, donghyuck, don’t get so uptight”.

donghyuck again scowls, face twisting into a grimace that’s less of disgust and more of indignation. “not uptight..”

“sure you aren’t” jaemin comments loudly, smacking a folder against the table as he wipes the dust from his hands. he glares, and donghyuck decides to glare back, one snap away from completely flipping him off.

you suck your teeth. “stop fighting, i’ll put your seats together if you don’t” your tone of voice indicates that you’re probably going to do it anyway. you pat donghyuck’s shoulder and make your way over to renjun. “are you fine staying with jisung or..?”

you’re much too generous, you are quite literally giving him an option. donghyuck observes renjun tense up momentarily, but if you notice it, you keep silent, patiently awaiting his response. he contemplates for a moment, and donghyuck gives a silent laugh at his clear anxiety. “i..” he looks over at jeno, then he shakes his head. “it’s alright, i can stay with jisung”.

“you sure?”

jeno clears his throat, the decision is done with, he doesn’t want more time for contemplation. “yeah, yeah! it’s alright!”

it’s not. donghyuck can see the way jaemin’s eyebrows furrow peripherally, and he simply clicks his tongue.

your suspicious gaze bores through his skull, but then you sigh, arms dropping at your sides. “okay, that’s good..”

donghyuck glances away, easily avoiding jaemin’s eyes. everyone is so obvious, he questions how renjun even functions around you if he answers your simple questions like that.

maybe he’s giving himself too much credit..

later that night, donghyuck joins you on the couch, your eyes stuck on the window which showcases the darkness of the night. it might be a problem, the fact that no matter how hard you try, you can no longer get a fit of sleep.

his crumpled shirt is a result of his extensive tossing and turning, how jeno ever sleeps is a mystery to him, but knowing what he does know, jeno will only ever get shut eye for a good three hours before he begins his continuous ceiling staring session. “nervous?”

you barely register his words, donghyuck is afraid you don’t hear him, afraid you might be frozen or something. it’s so weird, donghyuck always seems to find a new reason to worry his mind off concerning you, but you then blink, sucking your teeth at the window as if it did something to you personally. “kinda..” you opt to say.

donghyuck scoots closer, the two of you naturally falling together with you both deciding to lean. your eyes close for a second before opening again, as if you fear sleeping. how strange. donghyuck’s head presses against yours, your fingers coming to intertwine in a gentle manner. “do you like jisung?”

the query is whispered, and donghyuck licks his lips, really having to think it over. “he’s adorable”.

“yes or no?”

your insistence draws a tired chuckle. “yeah, i love the little shit”.

you snort, biting into your cheek. “don’t call him that”.

a hum is the response you receive.

VIII. “ thus strangely are our souls constructed, and by slight ligaments are we bound to prosperity and ruin “.

renjun doesn’t find being left alone all that bad, if he can just perpetually avoid jisung for the fraction of the day he has to work, then it all should be fine.

he holds onto the hug you gave him before you left, a gesture of affection he probably wouldn’t have accepted from anyone else, but let you do because.. well, he supposes it’s obvious.

“don’t get so freaked out, jisung is practically harmless” you told him, hands placed on his shoulders as you stared with your wide pupils full of fondness.

renjun could only respond with the scrunch of his face. what did you mean by ‘practically?’

he didn’t get to question it, jaemin dragged you off before he could even open his mouth, but not before shooting renjun one of his creepy looking grins. if he didn’t know any better, renjun would’ve asked to go as well, if not for the sake of being around you, but also so he could keep an eye on na jaemin.

renjun decides to occupy most of his day in meetings, doing extra work yangyang was much too lazy to do on his own. he hangs around the southernmost laboratory until kun has to usher him out, his excuses quickly defuse, and he has no choice but to trudge his way back to the main floor.

jisung is fixated on the distinguishing features of the model above him when renjun first runs into him that day, a copy of frankenstein left opened to a specific page on his lap. he tilts his head as he observes the unmoving solar system replica, his finger comes to caress the pages of the book, renjun can just barely make out scribbled writing on the individual pages. after a few more seconds of staring, he turns to the side. “hi” he blinks those terrifyingly realistic eyes. “busy day?”

renjun clears his throat, a wave of shame washing over him at such a question. jisung probably didn’t mean it, but he could probably sense that renjun’s avoidance was slightly purposeful. “uh— yeah, sort of, you could say that..”

he again goes to picking at his fingers, feeling the others eyes zero in on the movement. he lets a breath fall, attempting to change the topic, he starts; “what are you looking at?”

his feet seemingly have a mind of their own, as renjun finds himself beside jisung in no time, hands now placed in his lap. his eyes flit downward, ah, he knew it, jisung is reading one of your copies, he notices your straight handwriting right away.

“the solar system model” he whispers, eyes again traveling upward. “all these planets.. which one am i supposed to go to?”

renjun is a bit taken aback by that question, it’s a little unexpected, but he guesses it is what he was programmed for. he blinks, seemingly heating up under his stare. “um.. jupiter, that’s where your mission is dedicated”.

jisung hums, and renjun simply remains freaked out. it’s all too human like, was that on your part or jaemin’s? he’s now insanely curious.

“what are you reading?”

jisung perks up, as if startled by his spontaneous query. “frankenstein, y/n likes reading, he says this is one of his favorites”.

renjun snickers, how nice. “yeah, y/n is obsessed with science fiction in all of it’s forms”.

jisung nods. “i like it, the story is.. a bit ironic but it’s beautifully written”.

renjun’s lips immediately turn downward, while he expected for jisung to be aware of that one, it’s sort of sad to hear the tone of his voice when he says the word ‘ironic’.

jisung’s gaze bores through him, it’s reminiscent of how your eyes seem to burn into literally everyone’s soul, seeing their innermost thoughts with eyes seemingly devoid of anything. “are you alright?” he asks, sensing the mismatched thoughts muddled up in renjun’s mind.

“oh.. um, fine”.

jisung blinks, his eyelids fluttering in a freakishly realistic manner. his expressions have no right to seem so real. “something seems wrong”.

“are you programmed to notice things like that?”

jisung contemplates for a moment, as if genuinely thinking about how he should reply to it. “i’m not sure actually”.

renjun isn’t sure of that answer. “does it have something to do with the conference?”

renjun almost jumps back once again. jisung tilts his head, eyelids curving upward, lips pressed into a thin line. “is your mind stuck on y/n?”

oh, that’s fucking creepy, surely that can’t be programmed right?

unfortunately, no one is around to answer that question for renjun.

he shakes his head though completely wrong. “no..”

renjun is sure that anyone, android or not, could decipher the falsity behind his tone. “what’s wrong? did you two fight?”

“..no”.

“but you seem upset”.

curse this jisung, renjun can barely breathe without him dropping yet another accusation. shit. how obvious is he then? donghyuck must know, then that means jaemin is possibly aware, and that means jeno..

fuck.

“i guess— i don’t know, y/n is just so confusing, he’s complicated, can’t help feeling how i feel”.

oh what is wrong with renjun? he’s pouring his feelings out to this android that was created by the person he has a crush not crush on, surely anyone with a working mind would see that this is pretty much crazy. “you love him”.

renjun’s gasp is immediate, and he has no idea why he seems as offended as he is. “i— what? of course i love him but not like that..”

“he loves you too” jisung’s gaze is reminiscent of yours, stars seemingly dazzling behind his irises in the same manner as yours. how does that happen? did you mold him after you or something? it’s not that you two look alike, it’s more about the specific mannerisms renjun has gotten used to seeing from you. “he loves everybody, jeno, donghyuck, jaeminie, even me, i can’t really believe that”.

“y/n loves everything he creates”.

“no it’s—” he uncharacteristically pauses, weird. “it’s not like that, he loves me like i’m not a project, like i.. as if i’m not just here so you guys can discover more about space, like i’m more than that”.

oh, renjun didn’t think about it like that. he hums, tapping his fingers onto his knee. jisung seems defeated, which again perturbs renjun in the slightest, as he’s assumed all feelings are simply programmed, not that they can change naturally in their own way on their own accord.

you’re driving yourself into a wall, you’re going to hurt yourself in the end, and jisung even knows it himself.

“jaeminie does too, they take care of me”.

renjun doesn’t know what he expected, but it wasn’t this. jisung again glances upward at the model of the solar system, eyes remaining fixated on the mold of jupiter. that’s where he is going. “i don’t really know how you feel, but y/n is.. he isn’t feeling that different”.

speak for yourself, y/n loves everyone, even doyoung, and the fucker tried to fire him.

renjun decides to keep that one to himself, his cheeks now tinted red, an unknown heat coming out of nowhere.

okay, maybe jisung isn’t that bad.

IX. “ life, although it may be only an accumulation of anguish, is dear to me, and i will defend it “.

over the coming weeks, jisung becomes more of a mundane figure in everyone’s lives.

the attachment both you and jaemin have is clear, as creators of jisung, you pretty much treat him like he’s your kid or something (which jeno supposes he is but that’s only due to the obvious). the proprietary technology is shared between you both, all the other three did was fill you two with the correct knowledge and program the actual useful things. how to collect samples, how to analyze a mass spectrometry reading, how to identify potential life and share data on environmental conditions, not to mention everything that even goes into operating a spacecraft.

“what do you mean?” jaemin tilts his head, feigned resentment behind his eyes with jisung keeping his head laid onto his shoulder. he’s asleep, or.. off, jeno is unsure of how exactly it all works, but jisung’s eyes are closed, so jeno assumes he’s asleep. “you’re implying his skills weren’t useful before, i programmed him to dance, that’s useful”.

jisung’s chest rises and sinks, then it happens again. his lashes flutter, mouth parting as if releasing a sigh. jeno has to hand it to the both you and jaemin, because for all your eccentricism, you two are insanely talented. every part of jisung is painstakingly lifelike, delicately crafted. even jeno forgets when he looks at him, sometimes, that he isn’t alive at all.

“why?” jeno asks, because of course he does. the basis of his career draws from the most intrigued of queries, asking questions is all he knows how to do. “how is that useful?”

jisung shifts for a moment, then he rises, back straightening as he blinks awake, eyelids fluttering as he settles into the air of the room. “it makes people happy” jaemin opts to whisper, nothing but pure endearment behind his eyes as he stares. “isn’t that useful?”

not useful to the mission, not useful to scientific achievement, were hitting a brick wall here.

jisung’s eye flit around the room, unfocused. when he processes jaemin’s face, his lips curve into a smile. when his eyes land on jeno, his smile only widens, which startles the other enough that his replying smile is awkward.

“good morning” jaemin coos, brushing a strand of hair behind jisung’s ear.

“it’s eight twenty seven o’clock” jisung replies, matter of factly. he blinks again at jaemin, observing as the older juts out his lip. he then pauses, mind seemingly re-wiring.

“good morning” he tries again. “i love you”.

jaemin’s resounding laughter is full of so much elation that jeno can even see his teeth, and he squeezes jisung tighter, completely enamored.

jeno guesses he’s pretty adorable.

jisung again blinks his terrifyingly realistic eyes, his pupils holding curiosity. “where is y/n?”

he doesn’t yet give mention to renjun and donghyuck’s absence, but jeno guesses it’s due to jisung being quite used to seeing you around once he wakes up. he tilts his head in jeno’s direction, as if also expecting an answer from him. jaemin clears his throat, ruffling his hair. “y/n had to leave at six for early work, he’ll be back soon”.

jeno scans the look of simply affection at the mention of you, not just from jisung, but also from jaemin. jisung’s face falls in a display of worry, jeno finds that rich. “y/n typically works every single day, do you know why jeno?”

being put on the spot, jeno again startles, his face going pale. he contemplates for a moment, feeling jisung’s eyes seep through him in a burning gaze, it’s a little scary. “i— um..”

“were back!” donghyuck fortunately comes to save his ass, kicking down the door in a bang so loud it cuts jeno off immediately. “and we brought food” renjun continues, he places the bag he holds onto the nearby table, right in front of jisung. he fixates on it, scanning the plastic before him. “and hello you!” donghyuck seems to feel a similar extent of adoration in correlation with both you and jaemin, as he leans downward to press a kiss to his cheek, drawing a small sound from him.

“good morning..” he mutters, shying away from the act of affection. jeno finds donghyuck’s attachment to jisung a little more surprising, renjun definitely took a while to warm up, but donghyuck didn’t really need that much time, the other previously expressed concerns to jeno about using androids when the project began, but it seems that all the worry has since dissipated. he was smitten, he still is.

renjun was much more weary at first, but he’s slowly getting used to his presence, jeno guesses something that had to do with the day they were gone for the conference.

“y/n still not back?” donghyuck inquires, unease hidden by his usually bright smile. he leans onto his own fist, watching jisung seem enraptured by the sight of human food. jisung decides to respond by shaking his head, seemingly sensing the tension between donghyuck and jaemin.

donghyuck clears his throat, keeping silent as he hands jaemin over what he ordered, again avoiding eye contact. oh, they still haven’t attempted to sort a few of the differences, or maybe they talked during the conference, jeno can’t exactly remember.

“he does nothing but work” renjun’s words are muffled by the bits of toast he chews, something of irritation in his pupils. “seriously, never shuts down..”

“i heard that” it isn’t an understatement to say that everyone practically lights up when you walk through the door. jeno likes to think that he displays his adoration the best, with his ‘samoyed likeness’ and all (that’s what you and donghyuck say). there’s a warmth that emanates from your presence, a tired smile clinging to your lips. “not a workaholic, i’m just good at my job”.

“they can go hand in hand”.

jisung showcases his biggest smile of the morning, almost jumping from his seat in an effort to hug you. of course, donghyuck gets there first, squeezing the oxygen out of you. “you got here just in time, breakfast is here, eat, then go nap”.

you snort. “don’t give me demands”.

“are you not tired?” renjun opts to pipe in, it’s a rather idiotic question, everybody knows you’re tired, the bags are about to sink into your skin, but you simply wave a dismissive hand, eyes shining jisung’s way.

“enough of that, how’s my baby?”

jisung just manages a yelp before you wrap your arms around him and they tighten. oh you love him, it hurts jeno’s heart in a sickening way, you’re simply enraptured. jeno can’t help but notice jaemin, who looks equally as so, but not towards jisung, more towards you.

jaemin’s scoff of annoyance is feigned. “our, and he’s good, he was looking for you”.

“why do you work all the time?”

jisung blinks in his regular jisung manner, which jeno finds off putting, he’s beginning to note the androids individual mannerisms. “because i like to work”.

“nobody likes to work, do you have problems?”

donghyuck snorts, hiding his giggles behind his hands when he notices your peripheral glare. jeno whistles as he feigns ignorance, attempting to keep his laughs down in his head. renjun simply blinks, sending an amusing stare jisung’s way.

you raise your eyebrows, jeno guesses it was something you didn’t expect. “no jisung, it’s just when you get used to pulling all nighters as an intern, it bleeds into you pulling all nighters in general”.

“that sounds like a problem” jisung replies in a tone that implies genius. jeno supposes he does know all, but you instead stick out your tongue.

“shhh” you press a finger to his lips, completely shutting him up.

donghyuck is still giggling, maybe the act of an android asking their creator if they have problems is a degree of humor he doesn’t expect. renjun simply finds the display cute, there’s no need for words, jeno knows how he feels.

he decides to turn away, pushing down any other thoughts, he knows your time together is limited, this attachment is only making such a thing worse.

his stomach twists into something ugly, and he swallows down nothing.

X. “ nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change “.

it isn’t that difficult to come across you in the dead of night.

that seems to be when your most active, na jaemin only scales the halls at midnight because of the anxiety he feels rising. of course, he won’t divulge to anybody that those worries are present, really renjun doesn’t seem to enjoy talking, jeno is much too sweet for him to handle, and donghyuck.. he’s a character.

you weren’t wrong about the all nighter claim, as his eyes fixate on your figure, flipping through coding documents in a manner that’s simply so entrancing. his hands remain shoved in his pockets, his stare endless as you carry on with your coding admiration. he then smiles, why are you like this?

“rough night?” he finally speaks into the air, startling you suddenly. you settle into a silent chuckle, an empty cup of coffee dormant on the table before you. his gaze softens, and he steps closer to you, shoulders brushing in a brief moment.

“not exactly, just last minute observations, launch is soon..”

when you mutter those words, the air seems to still. it shouldn’t come as a surprise, jisung wasn’t created to be cute and tell you two he loves you, jisung was created to explore a planet uninhabitable to humans, project apollo is supposed to be just that.

jaemin takes in a deep breath. “yep, launch soon”.

the repeated words does nothing but add to the stillness of the air, which only elevates your feelings about the whole thing. you stack the papers on top of one another, sucking your teeth. “you don’t usually work with others, right? i hope i lived up to your expectations”.

it’s much more than that, why do you gaze as if i display constellations over my cheek? why do your eyes dazzle in that way? why are you you?

“you exceeded them, you’re exceptional”.

jaemin mistakens the blush on your cheeks as something other than platonic, but could you blame him? you could simply be flattered.. and na jaemin should be allowed a delusion once in a while. “i have to assume some of those words are exaggerated”.

“take the compliment”.

he doesn’t inherently beg, but the plea is heard as an undertone. you snicker, scratching behind your ear. “i could say the same, i was trying my best to impress you..”

“you didn’t exactly need me, you’re a powerhouse you know?”

you again giggle, flattery high in the air. “couldn’t have done it without you, jisung is dear to me”.

jaemin hums, shoulders again brushing with yours. “he’s basically our son anyway”.

“you’re really trying to sell that”.

“it’s true, isn’t it?”

your smile is soft, yes, it is true, but the words aren’t spoken. you again glance downward at the stack of papers formerly grasping at your attention, urging for jaemin to talk your ear off. “i guess..”

jaemin grabs at the opportunity to admire your side profile, he isn’t all about the star knowledge, but according to the many whispers from you, tonight is when the constellation auriga is present in the night sky. you said that it’s one of your favorites, auriga imitates the shape of a hexagon once all the stars connect in the sky. it’s always around your birthday that it is visible in the sky, your eyes gleam with an intrigue that could also be mistaken for enchantment.

it’s funny.

“i can teach you all there is about constellations”.

jaemin’s smile mirrors the bewitchment hidden in his pupils. “that would be nice”.

he actually doesn’t care, but the act of you talking while jaemin simply listens is his ideal type of date.

you hum, again glancing up as you pause. you blink, your stare endless as jaemin registers the sudden closeness of you two. the stars are aligning in the sky tonight, jaemin can’t help but observe the patterns of your moles and how they replicate the positions of the stars you so dearly love. everything about you is so beautiful, beautiful in a manner reminiscent of the astral cluster he usually pays no mind to.

jaemin’s gaze travels, your lips are very pretty, interesting. he’s listened around, he’s aware that he probably isn’t the only person here with such interests in you specifically, but this is probably the closest anyone has ever gotten in that regard.

you feign ignorance, eyes shifting as you notice where jaemin stares. either you’re nervous, or you simply have no idea what to say.

and really, jaemin wants to, he wants to so bad, it wouldn’t even be that much of a movement, if he just leaned closer just the slightest..

he stops himself before he can get any closer.

“you should get some sleep now, seriously” jaemin opts to say, cutting off his own thoughts with a complete topic switch. “come on.. please?”

there’s a slight whine to his tone, and your lips do an upward turn at the question, a small snicker falling from them. “maybe a few more minutes?”

“do you want for me to use force?”

you again grin at that one, smoothly sliding the stack of papers into a folder. you blow a breath between your lips, clasping your hands together. “fine then, i’ll sleep”.

“you will, i’m going to be watching you the whole entire time”.

“creep”.

jaemin sticks out his tongue as a response.

XI. “ how mutable are our feelings, and how strange is that clinging love we have of life in the excess of misery! “.

on the day of launch, jaemin wears all black, a sentiment to how he must be feeling. donghyuck doesn’t attempt to reach out, the sharp looks he earns are enough to keep him silent. you seem to take it a little better, not exactly wearing all black, but also unable to keep up the fixed smiles you use to erase worry.

everyone looks like they haven’t slept in a week, which, to be fair, they probably haven’t. donghyuck pays little attention to jaemin in his all, but he knows the other is missing a good week of shut eye. jeno was up all night with stomach dropping anxiety, he continuously tossed and turned in his bed, eyes remaining open until the sun rose above the horizon. renjun keeps silent, but he isn’t having a better time either, his eyes continuously fluttering shut on the commute to work.

this is supposed to be the best day of your career, what you’ve been working towards since the start of the stupid internship you all accepted. still, you all just seem the slightest bit miserable, even on the supposed happiest day of your lives.

breakfast is silent, you leave early enough that donghyuck doesn’t catch you until you all gather at the laboratory, listening to the machinery emanating noise from each corner of the room.

jaemin sits down beside him, and while donghyuck wishes to peacefully ignore his presence, it’s rendered difficult with him now right there. the younger seemingly longs to make an effort, but donghyuck still can’t talk to him without thinking of what he last said to him.

(“i almost kissed him, you know” he recalls jaemin speaking into the air five days ago, why jaemin decided to say it to him? donghyuck will never know. donghyuck paused his sorting of documents, blinking as he turned the way of his pink haired acquaintance. his face scrunched inquiringly, as if he had no idea who jaemin was talking to whilst he was the only one in close distance to him.

“who? jeno?” donghyuck’s eyes shifted his way, gaze lingering on your hands, which stayed massaging jeno’s shoulders across the room.

“what? no” jaemin replied, seemingly offended by such a suggestion, even with his insistence that jeno is ‘a pretty good looking guy..’.

donghyuck again blinked, licking his lips as his gaze settled onto jaemin once more. “so.. who?”

jaemin didn’t speak it out, simply motioned his head in the direction donghyuck stared a brief moment prior. donghyuck processed his words slowly, then his eyes widened in a manner he had absolutely no idea they could.

“y/n?” donghyuck couldn’t hide the contempt of his tone, yeah jaemin did say ‘almost’, but does that really matter? jaemin was the new guy, yet he was the only one who managed to get close enough, his jealousy wasn’t exactly unreasonable.

because donghyuck could understand how it is with jeno, he’d gotten much used to it at that point. no, how could na jaemin just.. find the courage so easily? it was an ego bruiser he didn’t expect.

“so why didn’t you then?” donghyuck hid his scorn behind more disdain he tried to use as a weapon, a wall, it didn’t matter. “and why are you telling me about this?”

“i don’t know.. guess i just felt he wouldn’t want it”.

jaemin sounded hurt, how rich. if donghyuck had to guess who you’d be with out of everyone else in the team, it would probably be jaemin, the newbie who’s just as much a robot nerd as you are. it was a match made in heaven.

“i’m not the one he wants”.

donghyuck assumed he was lying at that point, jaemin was playing with him, taunting him with knowledge only he had from the variety of time he spent with you. “sure, and did he tell you that?”

jaemin’s shrug was empty. “he didn’t have to, just.. if you get the opportunity, then you should probably take it”.

what the fuck.

did na jaemin really just tell donghyuck that if he had the opportunity to kiss you, he should take it? the other stared into practically nothing, jaemin finished with what he had to say, there were no more words left for him to utter.

“..alright”.)

donghyuck can’t exactly resist the urge, which is unfortunate for him because he had a good avoiding jaemin track record that’s pretty golden to him. is he really that curious?

“you okay?” donghyuck inquires, an eyebrow raise being his go to add on. jaemin looks one snap away from punching him, his balled up fist frightens donghyuck, who scoots one seat away to ensure his own safety. for all of jaemin’s expressions, donghyuck has never seen him look so unhappy. grumpy, sometimes. irritated, mostly with him, but the grief marring his expression is much too intense.

jaemin’s gaze remains fixated on you, performing regular actions that appear to be much more because of how you do it. “not sure what i was expecting” he whispers so quietly it aches. “jupiter is far away, it’ll take him only seven months, guess i can commend you guys for that one”.

right, any regular journey to jupiter would take six years at best, the architecture of project apollo as a whole is really the saving grace of this mission. donghyuck would probably die having to wait six years for jisung and the spacecraft to even land on jupiter, he can’t imagine how you’d feel.

“god fuck this”.

donghyuck glances your way, eyeing the shine in your irises as you gaze upon a model of jupiter, jisung’s cheek pressed onto your shoulder. jupiter has never been your favorite planet, you often deem it ‘the overrated planet’, because, in your own words; “it’s color scheme isn’t my favorite, all that helium nauseates me”.

you can always find something to focus on, even the things that seem so unimportant. “anything can be unique if you’re open minded enough hyuckie”.

he barely contains his giggles at the recollection of your words, he’s afraid of asking about your feelings, because while you’ve never been one to give snippy responses, there’s still a voice in the back of his mind reminding him of your unpredictability, he shouldn’t be so quick to think that.

“he’ll be fine”.

“jisung is like.. his pride and joy, he won’t take it well”.

and clearly, neither will you.

donghyuck forbids such words from escaping his lips, launch is in an hour, he should focus.

XII. “ when falsehood can look so like the truth, who can assure themselves of certain happiness? “.

jisung’s first communication falls on a sunday.

renjun remembers the day of the week because it comes the day after donghyuck’s birthday. he specifically remembered that one because you all spent donghyuck’s birthday at the lab, paired with little to no bickering with jaemin, and a privilege which included being able to kiss you all he wanted. it’s somewhere around four in the morning that renjun jolts awake from where he laid down on his desk to find you staring at the screen in wide-eyed awe.

<<< …happy birthday donghyuck!

<<< good morning, i love you. did i miss it?

it would usually take months, even up to years for messages to travel this far. that was a long while ago, though. now, it only takes a good twenty three hours for messages to be received, which is definitely shorter than the time it takes to travel there. seven months, you now spend much more time at the laboratory than prior, waiting by the screen in the control room for any kind of message.

there isn’t a character limit to the messages, conversations can go on forever, like he never left. sort of like he never left, renjun thinks it’s a bit off in terms of timing, but it’s enough to please both you and jaemin.

renjun scurries closer, face illuminated by the dark blue screen.

jisung takes pictures of a lot of important things, just like he was programmed to do. sometimes, he doesn’t even photograph things that are that important, yet it can still be perceived as such.

jaemin appears out of nowhere, arms folded over his chest as he squints his eyes at the screen right in front of him. renjun has enough energy to produce a lethargic chuckle.

<<< i think this ball of gas kind of looks like a bunny, doesn’t it?

<<< [IMAGE ATTACHED]

“oh, i see it” jaemin breaths, blinking a few times in a pattern of recognition.

donghyuck jolts awake from where he’d been quietly snoring on jeno’s shoulder. “i do too”.

your nose scrunches, just barely registering renjun’s hand coming to hold yours. “yeah, same here”.

<<< the stars are really beautiful right now!

<<< see? it’s aquarius, y/nie said that’s one of his favorites!

<<< remember?

<<< did jaemin lose his ring yet?

right, the ring. it was a request on jisung’s part, everyone got matching rings after he saw snow for the first time. jaemin did lose the ring actually, it slipped down into the cushions of the main room and he lost his mind trying to find it. he seemed so genuinely torn up by it that everyone swore to secrecy, much too afraid of how jisung would react to such news.

“of course not” you’re quick to lie, nudging jaemin with your shoulder. “next time you see the stars like that, make sure to take a picture with you in it okay? i miss seeing your face”.

there’s a hint of anguish in your tone, your eyes a shade of red that’s terrifying to an impossible extent. renjun continues to caress your hands with are still laced together, thumb smoothing over your knuckles as a gesture of fondness. it’ll be okay, i’m here, everyone is here, we get how you feel.

the words aren’t spoken, simply dissolved.

for the next few minutes, you all take turns replying to jisung’s messages, and renjun can tell, all of you needed this. though it’d be hard to reach such words through all your pigheaded attitudes, it’s nice knowing that a message finally came around, there was an anxiety in the air that all of you could feel, yet you simply left unsaid.

it’s hard to be here without him sometimes, because though it won’t be said, everyone feels as if they’re missing a piece of themselves with him gone. renjun never thought he would be able to get to this point, he never thought an attachment was even possible, he guesses he was wrong about that part.

donghyuck again passes out against jeno when it’s all over, jaemin placing a hand on your shoulder which lingers before he again settles on a nearby chair.

you remain stuck on the bright blue light which permeates from the screen, seemingly enraptured. renjun stays beside you, hands still together.

“he’ll be okay” he whispers, not exactly sure of those words but speaking them anyway. he wants to ensure at least a measure of peace for you, anything to result in the anxiety dissipating from your features. “trust yourself, alright?”

you don’t respond, simply blink once again.

it’s your own way of uttering the words; i don’t know if i can.

XIII. “ man, i cried, ‘how ignorant art thou in thy pride of wisdom!’ “.

it isn’t helped by the fact that nine months into project apollo’s first mission, jisung suddenly goes offline.

“what do you mean he’s gone offline?” jaemin reiterates, as if the prospect of that actually being possible is completely off the table.

i told you so, jeno thinks in his mind, his heart sinks into his stomach. of course this was going to happen, i knew this was going to happen.

donghyuck looks helpless, something that is frightening to jeno, not surprising, unnerving. “comms to the ship are still active for now” he explains, voice just barely holding up against an upcoming tremble. “calm down, we’re still trying to reach him, maybe he’s just late to respond, maybe—”

“he’s never late” jaemin cuts in, hair tousled in every direction. jeno is, again, terrified. the room is silent, if you take away the arguing, renjun is tryibg his best to keep himself together, and your own silence is nerve-racking, your eyes trained on the screen before you. “he’s never late donghyuck, so don’t tell me to fucking calm down alright? have you checked the log for any unusual activity?”

jeno is grateful for his ringing ears, the argument bleeding out into uncomfortable background noise. you bite down into your bottom lip, quickly drawing blood with the force you put into your action. jeno almost breaks the silence by inquiring to you about the whole thing, but of course, they can’t shut up.

“this was probably caused by your shitty work, so much for your robotic skills” donghyuck makes sure to mock jaemin’s voice, jabbing a finger in the square of her chest, crowding in his face.

“my fault?” jaemin scoffs, pushing him back with a heavy shove of the shoulder. “my work is fucking flawless, donghyuck, don’t take out your frustrations on me because you miscalculated and caused this mess!”

“oh but that’s exactly what you’re doing now isn’t it? don’t try to act so high and mighty when you’re genuinely being a fucking hypocrite!”

it seems that this fight is about to well out into the physical territory, but you then speak up; “if you two can’t be quiet then you should just get out”.

you pinch the bridge of your nose, grinding your teeth in motions which displays your irritation. no, it isn’t your tone, it’s your actions. your voice is simply soft, a whisper that could barely be heard even in the pin drop silence.

they both long to sneak in one last word, jeno can see it in the twitching of their facial muscles, but as to not upset you, they shut up. donghyuck huffs, storming his way out, unfortunately not taking the awkwardness of it all with him. it’s not long before jaemin exits as well, but not before he glances at you with simply.. grief.

renjun only continues his silence as a form of fear, jeno knows you wouldn’t, but he’s also aware that part of him is afraid to speak in fear of pissing you off.

you kick at the station in front of you, not hard, but it still earns a flinch. you suck your teeth, just barely registering jeno’s presence beside you. “i just need time to think..” you mutter, resting your head against the control panel.

there’s a beat of silence which prolongs. it’s too much of time, it’s as if your fate hangs in the air, something of an unknown future that none of you can control no matter how much you attempt to. there can’t be another failure, renjun and jeno know that enough, the glances they exchange only elevate that point.

“do you really think he’s just late to respond?” you ask, blinking away some sort of devastation behind your eyes. it’s less of saddening and more of terrifying, everyone remembers the mess which was project athena, how much of a terrible state the failure of the mission put you in, this is really your last shot at this, whether you’re aware or not.

“i hope not, i—”

“that’s not what i asked jen, please” you aren’t one to plead. jeno hates it, you’re usual carefree attitude accompanied by pride replaced by pure agony. jeno can’t give you a sure answer, because he doesn’t know, and the fact itself is enough to amplify his own anxiety.

his mouth twists. “..no” it seems you expected that answer, but the disappointment is still clear. “but i don’t know what could’ve possibly gone wrong”.

jeno catches the twitch of your left eye, and he allows for your head to fall onto his shoulder. “what if they were right?” you say, rising from your place, pupils blown out in a frightened manner. “what if it’s my fault and we never get to see him again? what if—”

“y/n” jeno doesn’t let you finish, he grabs your hands and soothes his thumbs over the soft skin. “don’t say that, we’re going to see him again” he hopes his expression conveys the.. truth in his words. “we will, swear”.

renjun opts to rub the back of your shoulder in an attempt to calm your nerves. you take in a deep breath, blinking downward towards the floor. “right, i’m not gonna stop trying..” you mutter, smoothing your hands over your face.

the truth is, the moment jisung left, everyone knew that this was possible, that failure could be on the horizon whenever, no matter your circumstances. it’s the slightest bit comforting to know that, offline or not, jisung is still out there. that means there’s also a possibility of bringing him back too.

jeno knows you’ll take any chance there is, it doesn’t matter how much you have to put into it.

<<< my battery is getting low.

<<< it’s cold, i’m going to sleep. just for a little bit..

XIV. “ …the companions of our childhood always possess a certain power over our minds which hardly any later friend can obtain “.

that’s unfortunately easier said than done. you’ve been trying to contact jisung for three months, but the government isn’t going to fund a rescue mission to save something they don’t even deem alive, no matter the persuasion or the arguments put up against them.

project apollo was a success, prototype 205 served it’s purpose. there is no reason to organize a mission to rescue the android or the spacecraft it piloted, it’s all said and done.

one official asks jaemin, “can’t you just make a new one?”

he leaves the question without comment.

jaemin heard from fleeting whispers that doyoung decides to keep your position. interesting. he opts to locking himself in his own apartment for two weeks, practically sinking into his feat of isolation until you and renjun have to forcibly drag him out back to work then to your apartment.

he doesn’t verbalize his thanks, he instead decides to cook breakfast for all of you as his own silent appreciation.

sinking into work is mundane for you, and when jaemin slowly slips into similar habits, he can’t help but think of you.

good morning, i love you. i love you, i love you, i love you, i lov—

“seems like you need it” a cup of coffee is placed onto the table before him, and the dragging chair releases a cry as you take a seat. “please drink it” you plead, now much too used to the sight of jaemin’s frown.

he gives a glance, then, he smiles, not too big of a smile, simply a small one. it’s nice to be alone with you for once, just for a little while.. over coffee..

“too much caffeine, i might go crazy”.

“think it’s a little too late to be worrying about that one” you decide to respond, tapping onto the table in a specific pattern. you take jaemin’s hand into yours, examining his bare fingers. “i can get you a new one”.

“it’d be like replacing it” jisung would know.

there’s a certain look of distaste behind your eyes jaemin so wishes he could decipher, because for all his smarts, it feels that you’re specifically difficult to solve. he can’t decode you no matter how hard he tries.

a frown tugs at your lips, as if you’ve been in a difficult spot, you speak; “i’ll pay, just.. think about it”.

i won’t give up on him.

we won’t give up on him.

(“neptune is really your favorite?” jaemin inquired with a clear indication that it was an eye-opener for him. even jisung seemed surprised by such a revelation, his human like eyes blinking once, twice, thrice as you began chuckling at the shared expressions.

“what? did you not expect it or something?” you giggled, head tipping downward as you fixed the placement of your glasses. “it’s the planet i’m most interested in, even before my internship”.

jaemin recalls the manner in which jisung glanced over at him, the intrigue behind his eyes reminiscent of your very own. there was a warmth in his chest that he’s sure could never be replicated, not only due to jisung, but also due to you. he blinked as he ruffled the other’s hair, again staring your way. “it’s always been more about the robotics for me”.

there was a conflict in your expression. “are you telling me you don’t have a favorite planet?”

the playfulness of your expression betrayed the gravitas you attempted to display, because you really couldn’t contain your amusement, jisung blinked up at jaemin, sharing the confusion with you. “even jisung has one, have you really not thought about it?”

jaemin shook his head, now the one under speculation. “space is not a huge interest of mine”.

“that’s boring!” jisung whined, and your hum of agreement earned an eyebrow raise. jaemin’s gasp of offense was most definitely overdramatized, and jisung giggled at the expression. “it doesn’t have to be deep or anything, just pick one, my favorite is saturn..”

jaemin had to resist a coo at jisung’s irresistible charm, he again twirled a strand of jisung’s hair between his finger. “i guess.. venus?”

both you and jisung let out a synonymous groan, drawing a sigh of irritation from jaemin. “of course you picked the boring one” jisung mumbled, jaemin’s resounding gasp full of the vexation he felt.

“what is that supposed to mean!?”

“jisungie is calling you boring nana”.

jaemin allowed for his bottom lip to jut out, his arms folding over his chest in a feigned display of stubbornness as he heard jisung begin snickering.

and you? you were simply enamored. jaemin was too, but for a contrasting reason.)

jaemin looks up at you, your gaze trained on your now empty cup of coffee. the smell remains lingered in the air, jaemin hasn’t touched his yet, much too busy reminiscing on specific memories. you zone out much too easily, he snaps his fingers in front of your face, and you startle out of it. “why’d you dye your hair pink?”

there’s a childish curiosity lacing your tone, nail scratching at the metal surface of the table. jaemin keeps his hum light, his eyes traveling towards the model of the solar system, lasering on jupiter. fucking jupiter. “i like pink”.

you seem to enjoy that answer. “it’s pretty”.

jaemin unconsciously tenses, nails picking at his cuticles. “..thank you”.

he knows the sudden anxiety doesn’t go past you, nothing ever goes past you, it’s just the slightest bit frightening. the upward curve of your eyes imitates your very own smile, and you slide your chair backward, rising from your spot. “don’t worry, alright?”

jaemin isn’t sure it’s that easy, but for you, he’ll be sure to try.

he clears his throat, pulling you into a quick embrace that catches you off guard, if your small yelp is any indication. he can’t help the tightening of his arms, pressing himself against you in a moment of clarity. you chuckle into the air, reciprocating the affectionate gesture with your arms around his waist. “sorry, too surprising?” he mumbles into your shoulder.

he simply needed this.

“no, it’s alright, sometimes everyone needs a hug”.

jaemin squeezes again, taking a deep breath. he keeps silent for a while, remaining stuck to you as he collects his next few words. “i love you” he whispers, lips doing a downturn.

your eyebrow raises, and jaemin is sure you heard those words, because you chuckle again.

XV. “ my spirit will sleep in peace; or if it thinks, it will not surely think thus. farewell “.

jisung’s birthday is on february fifth. when jeno inquired as to why, you stated that “he fits much of the aquarius qualities”.

jeno took the initiative to study it. aquarius is the eleventh astrological sign, originating from the eponymous constellation. it’s ruling planet is uranus. aquarius are famously innovative, creative, analytical, spirited, loyal, loyalty, you muttered it to him the first time everyone met jisung, when he asked you about his name, your nails tracing the spelling into the palm of his hand. he finds it nice how things like that come back around.

tonight, aquarius is in the night sky. aquarius is one of your favorite constellations (but now that jeno thinks about it, all of them seem to be your favorite). jisung has never been able to see it, he left for jupiter before the constellation would be present in the sky, but both you and jaemin made sure to inform him of its existence, with him being an aquarius.

jeno disappointedly watches as the hope quickly dissipates from both your and jaemin’s expressions the longer days go without a message from jisung. you haven’t given up just yet, you’ll never give up on jisung, you told jeno that yourself.

project apollo remains running, the spacecraft is all intact, but there hasn’t been an update on jisung at all. the visible unhappiness gracing your features is upsetting, jeno can’t recall the last time you were so down, your usual cheerfulness no longer around to comfort him.

donghyuck tries his best, managing to squeeze a few well deserved giggles out of you. there seems to be something off with jaemin, he avoids eye contact with you in the most not jaemin like way possible, strange. in contrast to him, renjun is much more.. well.. willing to approach.

really, jeno guesses it must be obvious by now, and jeno doesn’t just mean renjun. he means him, donghyuck, jaemin, all of them alike, they don’t have to repeat it for all of them to know how it feels.

donghyuck has slowly hinted to jeno over the years since he’s joined, but he never acts upon it. jeno never knew why, he always thought the headstrong, perverse donghyuck would take up such a challenge, yet he never attempted. he assumed that you and donghyuck would be a pretty good match.

but he only ever thought that because he assumed it would quell his own jealousy.

renjun could never hide it well enough, his easy blushing stuttering words gave it away pretty quickly. it wasn’t even a week after his initial arrival that he probably realized.

jaemin.. jaemin was always the hardest to decode for jeno. maybe the bonding over robots, and by proxy, the creation of jisung, was what caused the enchantment. jeno can’t even find it in himself to be possessive or jealous of any sort, he just.. gets it. jaemin is captivated by every single one of your actions, jeno has never been able to share such a feeling with a person.

renjun’s cheek presses against the window, gaze trained on the barely visible stars in the sky. you hum the familiar tune of ‘shining star’ by earth wind and fire, engrossed in the song you’ve become so accustomed to. jeno knows why, he recalls you uttering; “it’s a classic, got me through university and this stupid internship..”

jeno finds your descriptions of things, even the things that usually don’t matter, to be so beautiful.

“words are just so great, you know? i can call anything pretty, beautiful, amazing, prepossessing, it’s just so.. fitting”.

jeno adores you, adores your heart and your soul and your fondness towards the weirdest of adjectives.

jeno taps in rhythm with your humming, the lyrics aren’t sung, but he can still picture them in his mind.

you’re a shining star

no matter who you are

shining bright to see

what you could truly be

you’re a shining star..

“should we go stargazing?”

instantly donghyuck perks up, his hair all over the place. jeno chuckles at the sight, reaching over to put at least some of the strands back in place. “what time is it?” he mumbles, staring down at his bare wrist, no watch in sight.

“twenty minutes to midnight” jaemin replies, glancing over at the window, squinting in an attempt to get a better view of the constellations. “doesn’t seem like a bad idea”.

“aquarius is in the night sky”.

right, renjun’s constellation knowledge is easily comparative to yours. you slip on a sweater as you tap donghyuck on the shoulder, then intertwining your fingers with jeno’s. “oh don’t tell me we’re going to sneak up?”

there’s a fitting expression of amusement gracing your features, but you don’t respond, simply humming.

jaemin doesn’t put up much of a fight, renjun seems enthralled by such an idea, jeno is aware that he often sneaks up onto the roof to watch the stars from time to time, donghyuck makes brash comments every few minutes, but it’s clear he doesn’t care, sneaking around is probably his favorite past time (jeno knows much more than he wishes to).

“shit, much colder than i thought it would be” jaemin mutters, again avoiding eye contact with you as you give a small chuckle. “jisung would complain”.

“why do you sound annoyed? you’re the one who programmed that!”

“i didn’t! he just naturally does that! he’s like a child..”

you push at jaemin’s shoulder, yelping as you watch him stumble. donghyuck snorts, pointing at the sight with pure amusement. “please don’t die, you know doyoung would be pissed” jeno whispers, jaemin stays glaring (but can it even be called a glare with the love behind his eyes?)

renjun keeps his hands settled in his lap as he stares upward. “really? only because doyoung would be pissed?”

“you know he doesn’t want any bad associated with the lab’s name”.

“if only he knew” donghyuck clicks his tongue, tilting his head as he rubs his eyes.

jeno’s squint, and his lips take an upturn. he can just barely make out the shape of a water bearer in the sky, someone pouring water out of a jug. huh, aquarius really is pretty.

the shine from the stars reflects in your widened pupils. you blink, then you snicker at something unsaid. “think jisung would like this one..”

jeno’s eyebrows furrow, yet he keeps his face still, still enough that you won’t pick up on the falter of his expression. you hum once again, swinging your legs back and forth.

“i miss him”.

it’s an admittedly strange claim. everybody knows already, the honesty shouldn’t be a surprising factor. there’s less of a tremble in your tone and more of a simple scratch, a rasp in your voice which can be attributed to your days spent staring at a control screen with no reply.

jeno leans against you, letting the warmth encapsulate him as he watches you smile peripherally. jaemin merely sighs, clearly sharing such emotions.

jeno’s smile grows when you nudge him, pointing upward at a shooting star.

“pretty huh?”

jeno doesn’t respond, not exactly focused on the stars, just you.

#nct #nct 127 #nct dream #nct u #huang renjun #lee jeno #lee donghyuck #na jaemin #nct drabbles #nct imagines #nct scenarios #nct 127 x male reader #nct dream x male reader #𑁍 ࣪˖ 𓂃 isa's works!

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should-know-better · 3 months ago

Text

Thinking about Bad Habits

Have we ever properly considered the lyrics to Bad Habits? I mean, we know the story about how the song came about from the Zane Lowe interview:

Miles: Al had that bass line.

Zane: Hell of a bass line

Alex: I played that for about 45 minutes and he did the thing that ends up being the song; and probably didn’t repeat himself at all… Bad Habits, Large Rabbits,

Miles: Blue Door [laughing]

Alex: He could have done that for like 72 hours…

And then James helped them to edit it down to make the song. But when you actually look at what they used - whew 😳 (!)

I have googled some of the definitions to double check the expressions and I don’t believe for one second that naughty Miles wasn’t aware of these alternative meanings.

“Bad habits” - okay, this is a negative behaviour

“Sick puppy” - in my naivety I originally pictured a poorly dog, but this isn’t a bad habit. It is actually ‘a person who is crazy, cruel or disgusting’ so yes, it fits.

“Thigh high” - if you’re kneeling in front of someone and they’re standing, where would you be looking?

“Knee deep” - part of the phrase ‘knee deep in trouble’ which if repeated could be a bad habit (and also ties in with the previous line)

Skipping to:

“Deep trouble” - see knee deep.

“Red lollipop” - could be a sexual connotation for sucking cock

“Pale faces” - this line had me most confused. I would have thought flushed faces made more sense. Could refer to our Northern boys having pale skin that doesn’t tan. You can become pale from fear or worry, but this doesn’t really fit. Urban Dictionary says it’s ejaculating in the hand, then slapping with that hand!!! Make of that what you will!

“Delicious” - refer back to Red lollipop (!)

I personally think that the lines:

“Should have known little girl that you’d do me wrong / Should have known by the way you were showing off”

were added later to make it more in line with record company policy, ie heterosexual.

Then we’re left with Alex singing, “c’est sur le bout de ma langue” (translated to ‘it’s on the tip of my tongue’) - which again could refer back to the ‘red lollipop.’

Finally,

“Do you want to hold hands? / Should we get back down? / Do you want a slow dance?”

These lines may or may not have been part of Miles’ original freestyling, we’ll never know, but in other words, ‘do you want to do something romantic or shall we carry on having sex?’

So there you have it. Two blokey mates are together creating a song, and Miles thinks about these images and sings them to Alex. Not gay at all. And these are the bits they use! Imagine how filthy the rest of the 45 minutes could have been; Alex has said Miles is no innocent! Obviously the lyrics could be about sex with a girlfriend but hmmmm - why is that then a bad habit?

Apologies if this is just me interpreting the lyrics this way with a dirty mind. Also apologies if I’m stating the obvious 😉. Any alternative thoughts are welcome. x

#bad habits #lyric theories #eycte #tlsp #miles kane #alex turner #milex

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sensitivebellybutton · 10 months ago

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A Guide to Navel Pleasure Part 3: Partner Play

Hiya!

It's all well and good making yourself bite your pillow playing with your own belly button, but what about the fateful day you find yourself about to indulge in a totally different person's navel?

FEAR NOT!

I have returned from the shadows to give you some ideas for how to make that special someone reach heaven through their belly button. Remember, this is all about COMMUNICATION and understanding. What's written here is largely subjective to my own belly button, so if something doesn't work don't worry! It's just as fun experimenting with belly buttons.

Firstly, you two need to get in the mood...

PART 1: LETS GET READY-READY

- If you plan on switching roles, make sure both of you are wearing appropriate belly button clothing. Otherwise, ensure your sub is dressed in something that fully exposes their tummy and belly button.

- Have a good, long discussion about your belly buttons and what works best in a solo environment. Do they have an innie or an outie? Do they enjoy a little bit of pain? Can they navelgasm? Are they comfortable with any other supplementary play (like nipples?).

- Have a photoshoot! Like I said in the last post, taking pictures of your belly button sets the mood in a uniquely sexy way. Get all their good angles, take close-ups, point out on the photos where you're going to ravish them...

Hot and bothered? Good. Grab a pen, it's doodling time <3.

PART 2: SPELLING BEE

I got inspired for this technique @buttonpics, and it's feels insanely good. You can do this one solo too, but doing it with a partner adds a whole other dimension, as you'll see.

- Lie your sub down, their belly button exposed and their knot ready.

- Now, softly plant the pen on their chest, letting them feel the cool point, and start to gently glide it down their tummy. When you reach their navel, skirt AROUND it slowly and go all the way to their waistline. Then, go back up, once again avoiding their belly button. You dont want them getting what they want right away, do you?

- Repeat the above step two or three times, or until you feel they're ready. The next time you reach their belly button, start to gently move the penpoint onto their navel rim and softly trace it, making sure to keep it firmly on the outside.

- As they more and more desperate, verbally begin counting down from 10. With each number, inch the pen a little deeper into their navel, still circling. By 1, let your pen dip onto their knot.

- Here's the fun bit: I want you to pick a couple of words in your head. It could be "belly button" or "navel" or "subby button" or whatever. Let your sub know that you have a word in your head, and they are to try and guess what you're spelling out.

- When drawing each letter, make sure you REALLY over-do it. For example, if writing the letter B, draw that first line up agonisingly slowly, then that first and second curve should be hitting as many folds on their knot as possible. Every letter should be exaggerated, making the navel-owner an absolute mess 😈.

- Give your sub little hints as you're writing, because it's quite hard to think straight when your sensitive belly button is being stimulated in such a way. Don't be too hard on them if they don't get it, this is all about making them feel as good as possible.

You can also do this same exercise with shapes, which has the bonus of you being able to colour it in when you're done (thinking about how that feels makes me 🤯)

PART 3: NAVELINGUS

The holy grail of belly button play, the thing that all owners of erogenous navels hope to experience one day, it's belly button licking. Done right, this can be probably the most incredible feeling. Therefore, it's important we get it right!

You may want to give it a good clean before diving in with your tongue, refer to Part 1 of this series for how to get them shuddering with a Q-tip. Also, make sure that your sub is either wearing a short enough top that it won't get in the way of your head, or no top at all. It's just an annoyance otherwise.

- Their whole stomach is your canvas. With your mouth you can lick, kiss, nibble, bite and suck. That's a lot of different sensations, so we're going to use all of them.

- Firstly, you're going to give their tummy as much gentle love as you can. Nibble adoringly up their sides, lick across their lower stomach, deeply kiss their middle while holding their hand, whatever feels right in the moment. Consider their navel a reward for sitting so still and being so good while you pleasured their belly, and only give it to them when they're ready.

- Once again, the rim is your first port of call. Start with a wide, flat tongue on their lower stomach and lick upwards, transitioning to a pointed, sharp tongue as you begin orbiting their navel. The immediate area around their belly button should be glistening with saliva. Another good move is to gently bite on their navel rim, your top teeth digging just a bit below the rim while your bottom teeth lightly graze their stomach.

- Your tongue isn't as precise as many of the tools you will have been used to using, so don't worry as much about targeting small folds and dimples. It also means you can't really tease their walls the same way you would with a pen or toothpick, so when you feel it's right to dip your tongue inside, feel free to do so.

- The motion that is right will be different for everyone, but for me personally up-down motions work a bit better than a swirling motion simply because it stimulates that central knot so much better. However, others may find that swirling motions are better because they're more sensitive around the edges of the knot, for example. This is your time to experiment with what your partner enjoys. If you hear panting, whimpering or any of the other tell-tales signs of pleasure, keep going.

- Suckling is a great one too. Softly absorbing their knot into your mouth lets you run your tongue around the underside of the knot, an area rarely explored and may get quite an explosive reaction. Slowly suckling for a while is also a great way to rest your tongue for a bit without letting up on the naveljob.

- It's possible that your partner will climax while you lick them. If they start telling you they're going to cum or you suspect they may be close, KEEP DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!! No speeding up, no changing direction or technique, just keep it as it is. Keep licking through their orgasm too for maximum brownie points.

And that just about does it! I haven't got the most time in the world to write these so it's not as full of content as I may have liked, but I hope you enjoyed reading anyway! I'm considering combining all my current guides into a big google doc (plus loadss more) as one big belly button manual hehe, so stay tuned for that!

#sensitive belly button #bellybutton #navelplay #deep navel #sensitive navel

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missmeinyourbones · 2 years ago

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YOU WISH IT WAS ME, DON’T YOU?

cw: fake dating, wedding cake testing, friends to lovers, mutual pining, so sweet i suddenly have a cavity, oikawa is a big fat nerd pass it on

You don’t think you hear him correctly the first time.

But when he repeats himself, brashly confident and clearly enunciating his syllables between teeth and tongue, you know you’ve heard him right.

You can’t stop yourself from blurting out a genuine, “And why the fuck would we do that?”

Your words are harsh but granted, it is a stupid request.

Oikawa has officially decided the two of you should go to a bakery for wedding cake testing—to pretend to be an engaged couple. In public. As friends. Platonically. For fun.

He must’ve gotten hit in the head at practice.

“For free cake, obviously,” he shrugs, clearly not seeing an issue with his brilliant idea. “Come on, there’s gotta be a brain somewhere in that pretty little head of yours. You should use it every now and then.”

You ignore his backhanded tease (and the way your heart skips over the word “pretty” leaving his lips in reference to you.)

You pray your poker face is decent enough as you send him a glare that’s meant to be intimidating. However, the smirk growing on his face let’s you know it’s mediocre at best.

“Tooru, that doesn’t even make any sense,” you try to reason with the idiotic proposal. His head innocently turns to the side in confusion, so you begrudgingly elaborate.

“We can just buy a cake,” you rationalize, as any normal person would. “I’ve seen your paycheck and trust me, you can afford it.”

His tongue prods against his cheek in amusement (and pride) at your dig before he continues with his act, whining like a child and pouting his stupid lips.

“But that’s not the point,” he drawls the word out for at least three full seconds.

He takes a dramatic inhale, “This makes it more exciting, it's like—a whole extravagant thing!” His hands fly out by his sides, showcasing the grand gesture of how fancy the idea seems in his puny little mind.

While he thinks he’s painting an intricate picture, you aren't seeing his vision.

“It’s a silly and overdramatic ordeal, all for some lousy cake.”

At your pessimism, he scurries his way over to where you mope on his kitchen barstool. He’s never been one for utilizing personal space, but the conversation topic at hand has you overthinking every single thing he does. He’s so close you can feel the wind of his movements, the air of his dramatic exhales. You do yourself a favor and choose to look anywhere that’s not his face.

Stopping right before you, his hands clasp together in a begging formation as he borderline pleads.

“You won’t need to worry about anything, I’ll handle it all. I’ll book it, drive us in—I’ll even pay if they actually saddle us into buying something!”

When you finally pull your gaze away from your fidgeting fingers and up to his face, his eyes are glimmering with excitement. Though your stare would appear exasperated to most, he knows there’s love behind it. He can feel it.

“All you need to do,” he whispers with a knowing smile, “is come.”

You ignore how your stomach flutters. His word choice has you blushing and fuck, you can’t tell if he’s doing it on purpose or not.

You sigh with irritation and though Tooru knows you’re not quite done putting up a fight, he’s already won. The look in your skeptic eye tells him you’ve already agreed.

“If we like the cake, they’re going to expect us to follow up, with, like—actual wedding plans,” you try to reason.

“So we get married,” he easily concludes with a smile. “Well, maybe. We’ll see how this first date goes, huh?”

You overlook the wink he shoots you and how it makes your cheeks flush hot. “And if we get caught?

“That’s what makes it so fun. Our own dirty little secret.”

Okay, he’s definitely doing it on purpose.

“But that won’t happen,” he casually concludes, shrugging his shoulders with blasé confidence, “I can be very convincing.”

A silent staring contest ensues and Tooru knows he has you in the palm of his calloused hand. He watches as you struggle to fight off the smile that fights to work its way from the corners of your lips and across your entire face. Serving the final blow, he pokes your side gently and watches the grin take over.

“Do you ever tell the truth?” your eyes roll but your smile makes up for it.

He shrugs happily, “I like to lie.”

…

“And this is our white chocolate ganache filling.”

You don’t know why you’re here.

The bakery is small, cozy. A family-owned business that sits on the corner of Main Street downtown. You pass it sometimes on your daily commute to work, allowing yourself to ogle at the pastries in the display window if the weather is nice enough.

The sweet woman scheduled to run your consultation was waiting for you both by the door when you arrived. She’s an older woman, small in stature but her kindness makes up for it. You can tell she loves what she does by how she’s gleaming at the tiny details of your supposed love.

How Tooru opens the door for you, how he fixes your hair when you remove your coat, how you blush when she addresses the two of you as the soon-to-be Mr. And Mrs. Oikawa.

Eager to get the process started and sit you down, she goes through all of the assortments of flavors in what feels like one singular breath. Af if she’s some kind of dessert-wizard, she begins to list all possible kinds of combinations. Some sweet and fruity, others dense and rich.

It’s an overwhelming scenario in general, and knowing the truth behind the matter makes it all the more intimidating.

“It all looks so great,” you sheepishly stutter behind a smile, “I don’t even know where to start, honestly.”

The baker continues to overflow with excitement, “Wherever you want! It’s all yours—but we do have one tradition. For your first bite.”

Tooru indulges, now intrigued by the mystery, “Do tell.”

The woman blushes like a cherry tomato.

“You have to feed it to each other,” she practically oozes with excitement, “as practice for your actual big day! It’s a good luck thing we like to encourage all of our couples to participate in.”

She eyes your brief exchange of worried glances before carefully adding, “Only if they’re comfortable, of course!”

The hole you’ve dug yourself in just keeps getting deeper and deeper.

You slowly nod your head in faux confidence, an act Oikawa clearly sees right through.

“Yeah, sure,” you reluctantly agree. Almost immediately, a hand is on your shoulder and a pair of lips is skimming the shell of your ear.

“Look, we don’t have to—”

“Just pick a flavor, Tooru,” you snap.

He decides on a classic strawberry shortcake blend.

The tiny sample square is bright and endearing. Vanilla cake covered in a blush white frosting, stuffed with a flavored whip, and decorated with a sugared strawberry sitting bold on top. It looks delicious, almost so perfect that you don’t want to pry your shaky fork into it. But Tooru does, so you follow suit.

He makes the first move. His grip on the utensil is tight in a way that he hopes comes off as sturdy, as he slowly maneuvers closer to you. Like feeding a child a spoonful of mashed vegetables, he mimics an airplane before teasing.

“Open wide.”

With a subtle glare, you do. And he does the same. And the two of you are equally guilty of watching one another's lips curl around the metal and savor the airy sweetness dancing on your tongues.

It’s incredible. It’s delicious. And it’s the first one.

“Oh my god,” your fiancé for the evening practically moans in bliss, “Oh god, I think I died and went to heaven.”

Normally, you’d whack his arm, but given the circumstances (being the faux relationship you need to sell and how delicious the cake truly is), you resist the tempation.

“Okay, normally I’d call you dramatic, but it’s actually really good.”

Tooru opens his eyes in a daze before placing his hand over his heart in a swoon.

“And my very own personal angel? Yup, this is definitely heaven.”

...

The afternoon gets easier. You try nearly every flavor the bakery has to offer, every combination the woman recommends. From dulce de leche to lemon raspberry to chocolate mousse, everything tastes incredible and leaves your stomach fluttering with a fullness it's never known.

At least you think that's the cakes doing, and certainly not courtesy of the man sitting beside you.

With all flavors consumed and the consensus being weighed, the woman eagerly awaits your thoughts.

Tooru’s hand finds the small of your back as you sit in the cushioned chairs of the bakery. “What do you think, darling? Which one’s your favorite?”

An instant fire dances in the pit of your stomach—burning bright and contagious and terribly loud.

“I think I like this one the best,” you decide. Pointing at the strawberry shortcake, Oikawa beams.

“Knew you were gonna say that one!” his tongue darts between his teeth as he grins. “Me too. I mean, you do have great taste, after all.”

Tooru generously tips the sweet lady for the free consultation, and you don’t miss how his smile grows in size when she wishes you a happy and healthy life together. He thanks her without a second thought.

“We’re probably gonna take a day or two to think some things over, but I think it’s safe to say we’ll be in touch!” He practically hollers as he guides you out of the door and back into his car.

Stuffed to the brim with sugar and batter, you're exhausted. Amid the biggest food coma of your life, you crawl inside his passenger seat and immediately close your eyes. Though not asleep, you keep them shut when you hear him curse beneath his breath and close your door.

“Shit, I think I left my wallet on the table. Be right back!”

…

Oikawa’s car pulls into your driveway. Once the car is shifted into park, he’s removing his hand from the steering wheel and turning to where you ;lazily slump in his passenger seat.

He raises his eyebrows in amusement at your tired and full appearance. Catching his eye, you groan in response and lean against the window.

“I’m so full, I can’t even breathe.”

“And you call me dramatic,” he scoffs with a smile on his face.

You turn to him, sincere and delicate as you ask, “Are you happy? You got your dose of free cake.”

“Ecstatic,” his tone is soft, but he means it. “Iwa-chan’s gonna be mad when he sees my cholesterol levels, though.”

A laugh breathes through your nose, “He’d find a way to be mad at you, anyway.”

After a moment of quiet breathing, you dramatically sit up with a sigh, stretching your body and unbuckling your seatbelt. Tooru uses your movement as a distraction to reach for something in the backseat of his car.

When you face him to say goodbye, a tiny to-go container sits atop his car’s center console. His eyes dart from the box to your face, a silent request for you to open it.

Your brow crinkles in confusion, so he laughs and answers your silent question.

“A thank you,” he softly elaborates, “for coming with me.”

You hide your blush, “I think if I look at another piece of cake, I’ll start bleeding cream cheese frosting.”

“Oh, just open it,” he begs.

Inside the box sits a single piece of strawberry shortcake, the very first flavor you tried and your ultimate favorite of the day. It's a tiny slice, but its size isn't what you hone in on—a little frosting heart sits smack dab in the middle of the top, a detail Tooru had personally asked the woman to quickly add when going back into the shop.

While it’s a small gesture, it’s a reflection of his true intentions. As childish as he is, he didn't bring you along today just for some free cake. He did it to spend time with you—it was just an extra perk that he got to feed you cake and call you darling while doing so.

You melt in honor at the pretty pastry in front of you.

It’s no wedding or proposal or confession in the slightest, but it makes you smile, and Tooru hopes it's a step in the right direction.

#oikawa tooru #oikawa #oikawa x you #oikawa tooru x you #oikawa x reader #oikawa tooru x reader #oikawa fluff #oikawa tooru fluff #oikawa fic #oikawa tooru fic #oikawa haikyuu #oikawa tooru haikyuu

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skinzchoerim · 5 months ago

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OnlyOneOf's dOpamine concert in Warsaw - my experience (+sentimental musings about the lore and its messages)

The first thing I need to get out of the way is that their crowd interaction game is 1000/10. They went on stage already knowing at least two greetings in Polish, and then Kyubin and Nine did a whole pantomime to explain their understanding of them. They presented "elo" as being very casual, best done with a bro chest bump, and they were correct about that. The funniest thing was when Nine showed "siema" (a greeting that's basically just as casual as "elo") as being very polite and official with a bow of the head. And hey, if he thinks that's the most official greeting in Polish, who are we to argue?

The translator wasn't very good so a lot of the context got lost, but they said that while sightseeing they met an elderly lady who was a lyOn. Then they met an elderly man from Busan who they hoped to turn into a lyOn, but he wasn't interested, and Nine said that's just how people from Busan are lol. Junji talked about how much he loved the view and that it made him feel really sentimental, which somehow turned into JunRie doing a couple dance with a spin. I really wish I had a video of it, I also can't find any taken by other people 😔

When the time for seOul drift came they asked about a Polish car brand, and of course everyone yelled "MALUCH!!!", so it was hilarious when they asked us to do a Warsaw drift in a maluch with them.

At some point the audience started chanting "zajebiście" which basically means "fucking awesome", and they were very keen to learn how to pronounce it. I really hope they remember it cause that would be iconic.

Now let's do a time leap and go back to what happened before the concert.

I watched the fanchat from afar and had the best view of Yoojung who looked really invested in everyone he talked to. I was surprised to see how wide and baby-like Rie's face is, it's really cute. Everyone says they look even better in real life, and personally I don't find that to be true. I think they're exactly as beautiful as they appear on screen. I'll explain it in more detail later.

Now for the fansign, which... my god. My worst fear when I saw how little time was reserved for it came true, because it really went by at the speed of light. I'm really glad I brought the prints to give them, because there was no way they would have noticed the shirt. For reference, here is what I gave them (Yoojung got two):

Junji was first, he smiled and said a cheerful "Hi!", I handed him the album and then quickly gave him the print before having to move on to Rie who was already making eye contact. I don't remember his exact reaction to the print, but he seemed positively surprised. Yoojung was the one who had the biggest reaction, his mouth did the '0' he often does and he either gasped or said "wow", it was all genuinely too fast for me to process and file away every detail. I don't remember Nine's reaction well because I was still reeling from Yoojung's (also I was distracted by his scar makeup, cause damn, it looked realistic). I think he said "thank you", although I'm not sure if he even looked down at the print. Mill also seemed positively surprised. Kyubin was last, and thanks to that I got to watch his reaction for the longest, although it was still barely a second. He looked at the print and then made eye contact with me while he was handing me the signed album. There was something about the look on his face that made me wish I had a moment longer to ask what was going through his head, but unfortunately all I could do was smile, give him an awkward nod goodbye and walk off. Did he recognize that he's seen the drawing before? Was he just surprised? Did he like it? I have no idea.

The hi-touch went by even faster since the staff told us to run. The pictures were taken with about 10-13 lyOns each. After the whole thing was done, I knew that for the next concert (fingers crossed 🤞) I'll have to buy the VVIP+ benefits. To be fair to myself, there was already a lot going on in the days leading up to the concert and preparing for the fanchat would've only added unimaginable levels of stress, but I think that the second time around, I'd be able to approach it with more ease. More on that later as well.

While waiting for the concert to start, some of their songs were playing in the background. The volume was fairly low and the amount of noise in the hall made it impossible to hear anything beyond the bassline and percussion, but that just made me wish that they'd release their entire discography with only those two elements cause let me tell you, it sounded SICK.

I started to really regret not getting the VVIP+ benefit once the concert began and the people in front of me covered the view with not just their heads, but also phones and lightsticks. I was only in the third/fourth row, but everyone in front of me was taller so I couldn't see everything that was going on, and seeing the videos others shared on Twitter it does seem like I missed a lot. Still, it was the perfect spot to get sprayed with water which happened more times than I could count (mostly Kyubin's deed, thanks bro I needed it).

The performances were absolutely top tier, but did anyone expect otherwise? I need them to release the dOpamine remix, I'd listen to it way more than the original. I couldn't see Yoojung during begin at all because he performed a little further back, so I'm really glad that once the medley was done they all sang the choruses of the solos again with the audience. Did I cry? No, but very fucking nearly, especially when we all sang begin together. Another moment that nearly brought me to tears was when Nine finished performing beyOnd and the music cut one line into the second verse. Obviously part of the reason why it sounded so heartbreaking was how unexpected the ending was and how much I wanted it to go on for longer, but it also sounded like someone suddenly took away his voice, so it fit the theme of Things I Can't Say LOve perfectly.

Speaking of having his voice taken away, I'm happy to report mine wasn't. The concert experiences I ruined for myself by freezing up and not joining everyone else in having fun outnumber the ones I approached with ease and made great memories during. I was especially worried since the previous concert I've been to, Odd Eye Circle's, unfortunately fell into the former category. The English version of Loonatic was my skinz before skinz existed, and when they performed it, anxiety got the better of me. I couldn't even open my mouth to attempt to sing along, and I still have regrets about it, because I know it would have been a liberating experience.

But none of that happened this time. I sang every song along with them (was I feeling smug that I knew almost all of the lyrics when the people around me only knew the English bits? yes, sue me). I put my whole fucking soul into my favorite songs, especially mirage, seOul drift and skinz. I can't even begin to describe how special it felt. Yelling the lyrics to skinz with lyOns all around me and OnlyOneOf a few meters away felt like a full circle moment. skinz was the beginning of so many things for me, and it's such a therapeutic song that's been helping me express myself unapologetically slowly, bit by bit over the past two and a half years. It doesn't matter that I don't have as many vivid memories of the concert as I wish I had, because I know that those two hours on June 12th 2024 have been euphoric and liberating, and I will carry that feeling with me every day, getting a little taste of it each time I listen to these songs again.

While after the fact I do wish the concert had gone on for longer, at the time it felt like the perfect length. The amount of songs in the encore was a genuinely nice gesture, because they were slowly getting people prepared for the end while constantly whipping out another performance, which is a really smart way to leave the audience in high spirits. I think they ended up performing four songs for the encore - OOO yOu, angel, lOve me and dOpamine (without choreo this time), and then the first verse and chorus of time leap right before they left the stage.

The acoustics in Progresja aren't the best, but it was an amazing experience to hear them sing live. I feel like in a lot of recordings it's kind of hard to tell if they're singing live or if it's playback because the vocal and music layers sort of merge into one. I might share the videos that my mom took with her phone, because hers actually captured that live quality of their singing.

I know me writing this here won't change anything, but I have to put I out there - these kinds of stages weren't made for K-pop acts. I can't imagine anyone aside from the people in the first row or someone very tall was able to see the elements of choreography that took part on the floor or the subtitles on videos (which come on, they at least could have had the foresight to place them on the upper part of the screen, not the bottom). K-pop groups - or anyone who doesn't just stand there holding a mic but has a visual side to their performance - should perform in buildings that are constructed like theaters, with the floor gradually rising so everyone can see the stage comfortably. It seems that the Madrid venue was exactly like that, so if anyone reading this was there or at a different concert in a similar venue I'd love to hear about your experience!

Now something that might cheer up anyone who hasn't seen them perform live - this concert made me very grateful that cameras exist and allow us to watch their performances filmed professionally. It's obvious that they're amazing performers from a distance, but only when a camera gets up close and captures the way they express every song and choreography with their faces does it actually hit. I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times, Yoojung is such an impressive and expressive performer, both in his body and face, and having close ups of his facial expressions is a gift from heaven.

As I laid down in bed and my emotions were cooling off, it dawned on me how many good things in my life I owe to them and how special it is to have this one artist I can point to and say "the time I spent with them changed me for the better". I think seeing them live isn't even the pinnacle of my experience as a fan, but everything I carry with me every day that I have thanks to them. That being said, I really want to see them again. Most of what I've written down here was right after the concert, but now I don't feel like I remember as much as I want to. Nonetheless, this was my favorite concert among the ones I've attended and the most special experience of my life so far. Next time I'm getting VVIP+ and getting closer to that stage so I can finally enjoy the view in peace. I'm not even taking the option that they won't return here into account. They will last forever and they will have an infinite number of world tours.

This is where this post stops being a concert review and becomes sentimental musings of an unhinged person, so strap in. I did my best to structure this section in a way that would clearly communicate my thoughts to someone who isn't the owner of my brain and therefore doesn't have the exact mind map of interpretations of the various elements of OnlyOneOf's lore. The things I say here might be something most of us have thought or felt at some point, so what I hope to achieve here is simply it put into words, because I don't think anyone else has done that in the context of OOO.

I have to start by defining what exactly I mean whenever I say “the lore” (please don't make a drinking game out of every time I say "lore" in this post, you will die). Just like with any other K-pop group who has a deeply thought out concept, “the lore” encapsulates everything related to their conceptual work - songs, music videos, lyrics, teasers, MV descriptions, symbolism, references etc. What makes my definition of OOO’s lore deviate from how I'd define other K-pop groups' lore is the elements that make OOO's lore itself different from any other. K-pop storylines are known to be complex, but the ones I’m familiar with can all be described in the form of a story with specific characters played by the members, various events, superpowers and plot twists. OOO’s lore is more focused on emotions - loneliness, desire, love, fear. Because of that, the facts of what happens in the work itself can take second place to the emotional value of it. Their story can't be analyzed like a book with a beginning, middle and end, because it's too ambiguous and multifaceted for that. We can instead discuss the themes and observe the emotional progression happening within the lore. I like to compare analyzing their lore to untangling the chord of your earphones, because when you start getting frustrated at yet another impossible knot, you can just give it a rest, put the earphones in and enjoy how their art makes you feel.

I think it was the youtuber LOU who first viewed something OOO had made through the lens of cubism in her video about dOra maar, but I'd take it a step further and say that OOO's art makes the most sense if you look at everything from a cubist perspective, i.e. there isn't a single perspective on anything, but multiple viewpoints that all work together to create what we could call "the lore". It becomes easier to take a look at the whole picture the lore paints if you keep that in mind.

We observe an internal journey across various songs that connect to each other in smaller or bigger ways. We can, but we don't have to view all of them as being one person's story. The lore contains a collection of themes that create an ambiguous, unnamed protagonist whom we see represented by the bOy wearing cOmme des garçOns or the characters in the be series. None of them are THE protagonist, but they all make up the protagonist, because they all offer different perspectives on the themes that drive OOO's art and have been building up the group's identity over the past five years.

All of what I've mentioned thus far is just creative fiction. There is another perspective on their art that has real life implications, because there are real people whose job it is to express the inner world of the protagonist through songs and performances. OOO's music videos acknowledge their status as idols in the same way other K-pop groups with a fictional narrative do - they break the fourth wall by showing snippets of choreo and lipsyncing in between storytelling. OOO could be written off as nothing more than actors in entirely fictional roles if it wasn't for how intertwined they are with the themes in their art, in no small part thanks to how active they are in the creative process, but even beyond that. Their job as idols is acknowledged within the narrative (skinz MV, beyOnd description, the name of undergrOund idOl). So, their life as idols with a fandom is yet another perspective through which we can view their themes.

Here is where our role as spectators becomes important, because this aspect of the lore couldn't exist without our input. The way we respond to it and the conversation we create around it is what gives it meaning.

One side of the lore is the human side - the intimate and natural imagery of the libidO MV, the cozy warmth of cOy, the fun of blOssOm's choreography. On the other side, there are parts of the lore that feel emotionless and cold - MVs like sage, time leap, asOiaf, dOpamine, or graphics for Off angel and dOra maar. This dichotomy is something that can be used to discuss a lot of themes, like emotional distance in romantic relationships or a feeling of being ostracized by society. For the benefit of this post, I'll focus only on parasocial relationships between artists and fans.

Being a fan is both an experience of intense connection and distance that goes way beyond just oceans and borders. The one-sided nature of a parasocial relationship can be difficult to navigate for some people, but it seems to be something a lot of us need. It's comforting to know that you can develop a strong emotional bond with someone you're completely detached from and don't have to do any of the work a real interpersonal relationship needs; you just get to enjoy yourself as you receive art and entertainment. But that comfortable distance distorts the way we perceive the artist's personhood. We know and understand that they're a fellow human being, but we can't help that we never have an opportunity to experience them as such. They’re not people to us in the sense that they have no physical presence in our lives, they're just a series of recorded images projected onto a screen, filtered and airbrushed. We can watch them act like regular people on and off the stage, but whether we want to or not, we perceive them as more glamorous than anyone we meet on a daily basis. How could we not when part of their job is to tower over us while looking like a perfectly crafted illustration every time they get on stage?

This is where another theme present in OnlyOneOf’s art comes in, which is putting someone on a pedestal. In their songs, it's discussed in the context of romantic, artist/muse or God/follower relationships, but the part of the lore I'm talking about here is something that exists in the way we as spectators perceive them and their work.

Idols are human - I'm aware I'm not making an interesting point by acknowledging that. The reason I've been inspired to write about this in the first place is that I realized how being in physical proximity to someone you have a parasocial relationship with can shift your perception of their humanity.

I didn't buy the VVIP+ benefit because I knew I would be way too nervous about those six minutes and I'd probably spend most of that time awkwardly pretending I can hear what they're saying through the noise all around. Never meet your heroes, because you might make an idiot out of yourself, or however the saying goes. I thought I was in the vast minority who felt this way due to my anxiety while other lyOns would be ecstatic to get to meet them face to face. However, while I was standing in the queue I overheard a lot of people talking about how nervous they were, which is funny, because why the hell would any of us be nervous? They're the ones who are about to have a crowd of strangers observing their every move and recording every little mistake, they should be feeling the most nervous of us all! This got me thinking about why anyone would be nervous to meet their favorite artist, and the conclusion I came to is that it's intimidation. We're not wrong to feel intimidated; I think it's perfectly normal and natural in this scenario. I'd say it’s also quite healthy, because you’re not able to get too familiar with someone who intimidates you, which ensures the emotional distance required within a parasocial relationship is kept. As with everything, it's about balance. The problem appears when the emotional distance between a regular audience member and an idol grows so large that it becomes dehumanizing. Unfortunately, seeing how Korean netizens and international fans alike latch onto tiny things to criticize about what idols do and say, this is still a very relevant topic. A pedestal that's too high can result in an approach that's entitled, cold, and often cruel. An idol becomes an imitation of a person, someone untouchable and unshakeable. Any words thrown their way, especially online, feel insignificant in comparison to their towering presence. For the people with an especially cruel streak, finding out their actions have a psychological impact on a public figure probably makes them feel like they regained some power in this uneven relationship. To them, it's nearly impossible to perceive an idol as someone with a right to receive empathy, because in their mind, the idol is too far removed from the humanity they observe in people who exist around them.

What's important here is that the lore shows us the full spectrum of who OOO are - they're idols, singers, performers, actors; they're people with fears, desires, intimate stories and hidden sides; people who have dopamine running through their bodies, people who need connection with others and people who have things they can't say. These things can't be separated from the members, because they make sure to take this message beyond the art itself. They don't filter themselves nearly as much as most idols have to - they swear, make dirty jokes, write songs about sex, casually talk about kissing men and offhandedly mention having a romantic life without apologizing for it. They're underground idols, and they intentionally distance themselves from the unforgiving audience members who would have a heart attack if their faves acted one tenth as relaxed as OOO do on a daily basis.

What I'm trying to get at here is that OnlyOneOf's art is created with the intention to create more empathy - for queer people, for mistreated lovers, for discarded muses, for people reconciling their faith with their sexuality, for one's own self despite having a lot of internalized issues. Through doing that, they override the loneliness inherent to the stories their songs tell and create possibilities for connection. They give us art that makes us feel less lonely by being a reflection of our messiest, most intimate feelings and experiences, and in turn they ask us to recognize them as a reflection of us and to not isolate them from the full human experience just because of the job they chose and its restrictions. When Jaden Jeong said they're the future of boy groups, I think he hoped they could influence audiences to humanize the figure of the idol.

I watched them between the professionally executed performances as they riffed off of each other, laughed and zoned out while looking at the audience. There were no cuts to a different, more flattering angle, no hand in the editing room controlling what footage sees the light of day. They look more beautiful in real life not because anything about their features looks different, but because the reality of being in the same space with them and finally getting to experience them just as any other human being, even with some distance still present, is a very special experience that holds beauty of its own. At that moment, I couldn’t remember why I was nervous before, and I began to wish I had sat down with them and shared a short conversation about any random thing. It would have been imperfect, but there was no reason to be afraid of that. They're just six guys of flesh and blood who clearly love what they do and whose work has given me happiness and purpose over the past two and a half years, and I would have cherished those six minutes of interaction.

On the train home, I discovered a more sentimental feeling while listening to them, especially the songs they performed, but not exclusively. There was something more personal and artistic I heard in their voices that made each song feel like more than just a recording, but a special moment in time shared by people who created something they wanted to share with others. This feeling fades the more the time distance grows between the current me and the me that attended the concert. Two hours weren’t enough.

I don't know how to end this post other than to say how fascinating it is that including imagery of fan/idol culture and technology within the lore so it mixes with all these deeply intimate stories makes everything OOO do a living piece of art. Simply existing as idols and people fuels the reason for the existence of their concept in the way that it currently exists, and I just think it's incredible.

#oh hey it's the post that took me two weeks to write #was it worth it? i mean i think so but you see for yourself #onlyoneof #onlyoneof dopamine tour #onlyoneof theory #personal #theorychoerim

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vgfm · 1 year ago

Text

Predicting the Release of Deltarune Chapters 3, 4, and 5

a.k.a., “I spend way too much time analyzing a dev cycle that I do not fully understand and have no control over”

Undertale’s 8th anniversary has come and gone, and it’s left some fans feeling disappointed. I wasn’t expecting anything too major this year since the last three anniversaries were a bit of an anomaly. We’ve truly been spoiled to have gotten the Undertale concert, Chapter 2, and the Spamton Sweepstakes back-to-back-to-back. It’s easy to forget that the anniversaries before this were far more low-key affairs.

Even so, the 8th anniversary still felt a bit lacking. I had been hoping for a full status update post to the Deltarune website, but instead we got a much shorter update in the autumn newsletter. It’s true that we’ve gotten 3 other newsletters in the time since the 7th anniversary, and each has had tidbits of Deltarune news as well as their own share of fun extras. However, even all four newsletters combined seem to have less to say about Deltarune’s status than an annual update post usually does.

Fans who’ve been paying attention also seem a bit disappointed with the current progress of the game. Early status updates made it sound like Chapters 3, 4, and 5 were speeding along, while later ones make it sound like Chapter 3 has slowed to a crawl. I initially felt this way, but upon reflection I think this mindset is due to two main factors: (1) fans interpreting status updates overly optimistically, and (2) Toby sometimes using unclear language when describing the status of development.

I’ve poured over the recent newsletters, Deltarune’s past status updates, and Toby’s old tweets and interviews to get a better picture of how the game’s development is progressing. I also looked to the development of Chapters 1 and 2 to get an idea of what a completed chapter’s dev cycle looks like, and with that info I’ll try to piece together my best estimation for when Chapters 3 through 5 might finish.

Yes, I’ve hit peak hiatus brainrot and, like some others, I’ve run out of things to theorize about the game itself and now I’m trying to write a theory about game development, despite the fact that I have zero experience in game dev outside of making a couple of goofy low-effort mods. I want to emphasize that I’m doing this for fun and that I don’t want to rush Toby or his team—I’d like for Deltarune to take as long as it needs for the best result and for the team to not be overworked.

With all that said, before I can make a prediction, I must first break down my observations for each chapter’s development cycle so far. As mentioned, I’m pulling this info from newsletters, status updates, and Toby’s tweets and interviews. I won’t cite a source for every bullet point, but it’s not too hard to track down this information.

Note: Dates referred to here are release dates for products and status updates/posts. I’m aware that most major posts that Toby writes nowadays are made at least 1 month in advance due to the need for translation. To make things simple, I’m using the publishing dates instead of second-guessing the date of writing.

Chapter 1

Took roughly three years of total development time, from late 2015/early 2016 to October 2018

An unknown amount of early planning was done during and prior to Undertale’s development.

Toby and Temmie largely worked on this chapter alone

This chapter required creating the entire party-based battle system

This chapter required designing the entire Hometown and ensuring it would “set up” future events in the game properly

Except for composing some songs and writing the story, Toby didn’t work on any future chapters during Chapter 1’s development

My assessment is that this was almost certainly the hardest and most time-consuming chapter to develop. Toby had to create the game nearly from scratch with the fewest resources at his disposal. All future chapters benefited from using chapter 1 (and later 2) as a base and having things like Hometown already set up in advance

Chapter 2

Came out three years after Chapter 1, but Toby later said Chapter 2 only took 1.5 years of active development—beginning in May 2020 and releasing in September 2021. This 1.5 year period likely does not include planning and pre-production, since Toby tweeted about designing and writing parts of Chapter 2 prior to May 2020. However, this 1.5 year development period would include testing and other finishing touches.

The other 1.5 years prior to Ch 2’s full development were spent experimenting with other game engines, hiring team members, pre-production on Chapter 2, and planning future chapters of the story.

Toby finished outlining the rest of the game and writing most of the full game’s dialogue during and prior to Chapter 2’s development. Toby decided what all battles will be for Chapters 3 through 5 and most battles for the rest of the game. Toby also has all locations planned (in the form of text) for 3 through 5 at this time. This is all outlined in the 2020 status update.

After the first four months of active development, Toby guessed chapter 2 was 50-80% content-complete by the time of the Undertale 5th anniversary. He also projected that the game would be ready to enter beta testing by the end of 2020.

Chapter 2 was in beta testing by April 2021 at the latest, since Toby tweeted about it at that time, so Chapter 2’s development phases can be broken down thusly:

Design (Pre-production; writing, planning, designing assets): Less than 1.5 years

Implementation (Active development; programming, graphics, creating battle assets and environments, music): 8-12 months

Finishing (testing, translating, polishing): 5-9 months

My assessment is that, although there was a 3-year time period leading up to both Chapter 1 and 2, it feels like Chapter 2’s development period got a lot more done. Toby has said that chapter 2 is the largest chapter in the game in many ways. Toby was working with a team starting with Chapter 2 and he was able to start planning and pre-production work on future chapters in the meantime, allowing for a much smoother start to Chapter 3’s development than chapters 1 and 2 had. Chapter 2’s release also seems to mark a shift in how Toby’s team structures their development phases, which I’ll go over in 3 through 5.

Chapters 3 through 5

Most early planning for chapters 3 through 5 was completed during chapter 2’s development, likely shortening the pre-production phase compared to previous chapters. However, Toby did mention in the 2022 update that “certain aspects” affecting 3 through 5 needed a while to set up. As of 2022, those “aspects” are now in place.

As of September of 2022, one year after Chapter 2’s release, Toby’s team is working on 3 through 5 in parallel and has already completed more than one chapter’s worth of “bullets, cutscenes, and gimmicks”. I will elaborate on this in a bit.

In March of 2023, Toby’s team is primarily focused on finishing Chapter 3. We can say for certain that Chapter 3 entered active development in early 2023 at the latest

As of September 2023, Chapter 3 is in a fully playable state from start to finish and is presumably ready for alpha/beta testing

Chapter 3 seems to mark a slight shift in the team’s production order for each chapter. Chapter 2’s phases were outlined in the 2020 update as three phases: Design, Implementation, and Finishing. Based on context clues from last year’s update and this year’s newsletters, chapters 3 through 5 seem to be following a modified four-phase workflow:

Phase 1 – Design – writing the story, planning the game, and assigning roles to team members. It’s hard to quantify how long this took with chapters 1 and 2, but the good news is that most of this phase was completed for future chapters during chapter 2’s development, according to the 2020 status update. The 2022 update does imply that there was still some set up required leading into chapters 3 through 5. This could be connected with the rumored engine changes to GameMaker to allow multiple games to be launched from a single launcher. Either way, this set up was finished before the 2022 update and be presumed to be done for all three chapters.

Phase 2 – Early Implementation – I’ve split implementation into two phases for reasons I’ll explain in the next phase, though these two halves likely overlap. I suspect this first half of implementation involves preparing dialogue for translation (which was previously done as a finishing step for Chapters 1 and 2) and creating assets in bulk to plug into the game later. This phase is likely when the “chapter’s worth of bullets, cutscenes, and gimmicks” mentioned in the 2022 update was created. Later newsletters imply that Chapter 3’s locations were in an earlier state of development than many fans expected, so I think Toby has artists and programmers design enemies, puzzles, and cutscenes in advance before areas are created to put them into. Chapter 3 seems to have completed the early implementation phase. Chapter 4 has had a significant chunk of this phase complete, based on the 2022 update, and currently 4 and 5 both seem to be in this phase, as of June 2023.

Phase 3 – Full Implementation – This consists of programming game world locations and assembling the full structure of the game. I believe this can be treated as a separate phase from the early implementation because (1) Toby mentioned in the 2020 update that he doesn’t draw map designs until the team starts programming, (2) Chapter 2’s maps had only just been started when its cutscenes, songs, bullet patterns, and other assets were nearly finished in 2020, and (3) Chapter 3 seemed to be early in this phase in 2023, despite more than a chapter’s worth of assets being created in 2022. Chapter 3 recently finished this phase, and chapters 4 and 5 likely haven’t gotten far in this phase or reached it yet. All implementation for Chapter 2 lasted between 8 and 12 months. It’s likely this will take less time per chapter for 3 through 5 due to Toby saying Chapter 2 was the longest in the game and Toby having more resources available to complete early implementation on 4 and 5 while 3 undergoes full implementation and the next step:

Phase 4 – Finishing – This is presumably the same as Chapter 2’s finishing phase, only with translation likely occurring earlier in the process, per the March 2023 newsletter. Chapter 3 recently entered this phase. This phase took anywhere from 5 to 9 months for chapter 2, depending on when that chapter entered beta.

Conclusions

Overall, we know that chapters 3 through 5 are using Chapter 2 as a base, Toby has a larger team and more resources available to him than ever before, and Chapters 3 through 5 are being developed in parallel. Chapters 3 through 5 also had the advantage of having most of their planning and design taken care of during Chapter 2’s development cycle. To reiterate, Chapter 2’s development ended up like this:

Design: Less than 1.5 years

Implementation: 8-12 months

Finishing: 5-9 months

Based on what we’ve heard regarding chapter 3, I think we can extrapolate the following timeline for Chapters 3 through 5 so far:

Design: FINISHED (all chapters). Less than 1 year – I’m not counting the design work on 3 through 5 that was already completed before Chapter 2 released. The 2022 update did hint at some form of set up or planning affecting 3 through 5 that had been resolved by September 2022—this makes one year of design the maximum possible amount in this development cycle, though it was likely considerably less

Early Implementation: FINISHED (Ch 3), IN-PROGRESS (4&5). 6-17 months – The 17 months figure is from adding up the year between the 6th and 7th anniversaries and ending at the March 2023 newsletter, when finishing chapter 3 was announced as now being the team’s main focus; this assumes that early production began as soon as Chapter 2 released and that priorities didn’t shift to Chapter 3 until right when the March newsletter came out. The 6 month figure is assuming that most of 2022 was spent on design and resolving the “factors” that affected 3 through 5, which is highly unlikely. We know that early implementation assets were worked on for chapters 3 and 4 simultaneously in 2022, and it’s likely that Chapter 3 alone would have taken less than a cumulative year at this stage. Extrapolating from where things were in 2022, I’d guess Chapters 4 and 5 are at least halfway done with this phase cumulatively.

Full Implementation: FINISHED? (Ch 3). 6-12 months – I base the 12 month figure off of the idea that focus switched to Chapter 3 immediately after the 2022 update and I base the 6 month figure off of the March 2023 newsletter being the point where focus shifted. Chapter 3 became fully playable in September 2023, marking a probable end date for this phase

Finishing: IN-PROGRESS? (Ch 3). Unknown. This could match the 5-9 months for Chapter 2. It’s also possible that 4 and 5 could move onto full implementation while 3’s playtesting takes place, since the latter can rely on people outside the team playing the game while members of the team are freed up to work on other things. Bumping up translation earlier in the pipeline might also shave some time off this phase.

The Prediction

Overall, I’m reasonably certain that Chapter 3 will be completely done within the next 6 months, barring some unforeseen difficulties. Game development can be unpredictable, so anything’s possible (especially delays). Toby has remarked on how strange chapter 3 is and he’s implied that some segments have had to be removed or cut down, so it’s possible this chapter was a lot more experimental and needed more time.

I’d say chapter 4 is, bare minimum, halfway through early implementation. More likely, I think it’s nearing the end of early implementation. I say this because having more than a chapter’s worth of assets completed in 2022 meant that not all of that was for chapter 3, and 2022’s update made it sound like 3 and 4’s progress was roughly neck-and-neck at the start of this phase—hence, half a chapter’s worth of assets done for 4. Obviously focus has shifted to chapter 3, but Toby did reiterate that assets are still being made for 4 and 5 during the summer newsletter, so it’s likely 4 has the majority of this phase done and 5 has made some progress.

Where do I think we’ll be in a year? The optimist in me would like to say that all three chapters will be done by next September, but I’m honestly doubtful. I think a more likely scenario is that 3, 4, and 5 will release sometime between the 2024 and 2025 anniversaries. If we’re lucky, then end of 2024 or early 2025. I think the best case scenario would be that Chapter 3 wraps up around the end of this year (or final testing frees up the team to focus on 4 by then) with Chapter 4 ready to have its maps created immediately afterwards (or already started). Chapter 4 would then enter testing in early-to-mid 2024, with chapter 5 following a few months after to be ready just in time at the end of the year.

I know it may sound bleak to some to be willing to wait another 1-2 years, but keep in mind that this pace is still much faster than what development has been so far. In six years we got two chapters of Deltarune. With my estimate, we’d be getting three chapters in 3-4 years. Chapter 2 took 1.5 years of dedicated development time, plus pre-production, whereas 3 through 5 seem poised to take less time per chapter. I predict that chapters 4 and 5 will go more smoothly, partly because they seem to be more “standard” chapters but also because the groundwork is already being laid for them while 3 is being finished. It took less than a year for Chapter 3 to go from a pile of assets to an assembled and test-ready game. At that pace, it wouldn’t take much longer for 4 and 5 to both bridge that gap—the only extra time will come from finishing up early implementation on 4 and 5 as well as testing each chapter.

I don’t have much else to say in terms of predictions, but I did write up a big timeline of Deltarune (and Undertale’s) development while making this post. I was originally going to put it at the beginning, but it was hard to parse and contained some redundant information. On top of that, Tumblr messed up the formatting so it may be a little hard to read.

Instead of placing the timeline front and center, I’m including it below for all you truck freaks out there who want to know where I pulled various dates from, or if you’ll just read anything Deltarune-related. For everyone else, this post is basically over now. Bye!

Timeline

2011

Toby is first inspired to make Deltarune from a dream (according to interviews)

2012

Toby attempts to create a Deltarune-like project but abandons it before creating Undertale

2013

May 23 - Undertale demo is released

2014

Toby develops Undertale and continues creating Deltarune concept art on the side (according to 2018 tweet). Toby also teases Deltarune’s existence on the Undertale Kickstarter at some point between 2013 and 2015

2015

September 15 – Undertale releases on PC and Mac

Toby creates and updates the Deltarune.com website between 2015 and 2016. Development on Deltarune chapter 1 likely begins in earnest in late 2015 or early 2016

2016

July 17 – Undertale releases on Linux

2017

August 15 – Undertale releases on PS4 and PS Vita

September 15 – Undertale 2nd Anniversary. Toby releases early draft of alarm clock dialogue. First mention of Rudy Holiday

2018

September 18 – Undertale releases on Switch

October 31 – Deltarune Chapter 1 releases on PC

According to Toby’s Twitlonger, Chapter 1 was content-complete “a little while” prior to October 4th and was still being translated as of the 4th. This implies that, during Chapter 1’s development, translation was one of the final steps. According to Toby, Chapter 1 took “a few years” to create. At this time he says 7 years is the maximum time he’d be willing to spend on a project. Toby announces his intent to release all remaining chapters at once. It’s implied that Toby created chapter 1 mostly on his own, with art by Temmie. He mentions wanting to hire a team for the rest of the game. Toby mentions that Chapter 1 needed to create the entire Hometown “correctly on the first try” in order to “set up properly for the rest of the game,” likely adding to development time. Toby says that apart from creating some songs and writing the whole story, he hasn’t completed any work on the other chapters at this point. Specifically, no programming or final art has been done.

According to later statements by Toby, he and his team will spend the next two years writing, composing, designing, and drawing content for future chapters

2019

February 28 – Deltarune chapter 1 releases on Switch and PS4

March – Early development on future chapters begins, but “99%” of the work at this time is spent on investigating alternative game engines to GameMaker. During this period, Toby continues planning the game and writing its story

April 18 – Toby tweets that he’s “making great progress designing Chapter 2” and posts concept art, indicating that the chapter is still in early development

June 12 – Toby tweets that he has “about 50” songs past Chapter 1 in various stages of completion, compared to Chapter 1’s 40 songs. He also mentions that he’s currently writing and drawing bosses, bullets, cutscenes, and characters for future chapters

July 5 – Toby reiterates via tweet that he plans to release all remaining chapters at the same time

September 15 – Undertale’s 4th anniversary and Deltarune Chapter 2 status update

Toby reveals annoying dog in toy car sprite from Chapter 2. Toby posts early versions of the songs Lost Girl and Welcome to the City. Toby posts concept art of Susie’s angry reaction to Noelle looking at her tail. Overall, Toby says the design of the game is going “really well” but that other aspects are “facing some hurdles”. This seems to imply that Chapter 2 is still in early development at this point.

2020

Around March or April, Toby experiences severe wrist pain that slows down his ability to develop the game

“A few months” prior to August/September, Toby completes readable outlines for every chapter in the game, including first-pass dialogue for almost all cutscenes. All major events and battles that will take place are now known. Toby also decides around this time to go back to GameMaker as the engine of choice for the full game

May – Deltarune chapter 2 begins full development, using Chapter 1 as a base

September 15 - Undertale’s 5th anniversary concert and Deltarune Chapter 2 status update

Toby reveals he’s now working on a team with four full-time members (including himself) and other part-time members. Toby is designer and programmer. He also proposes hiring more people to work on Chapters 3 and beyond. Toby believes that Chapter 2, content-wise, will be done before the end of 2020 (not accounting for translation, bugtesting, and porting). This likely meant that, by the end of 2020, Chapter 2 was in an alpha or beta state where it could be played through from beginning to the end. Toby estimates that Chapter 2’s design/early development phase is 100% done. Toby estimates Chapter 2’s art is 90% done, Cutscenes are 80% done, Bullet patterns are 70%, other battle elements (ACTs) are 30%, audio is 80%, “other”/misc content is 65%. Chapter 2’s maps are mostly started or placeholder but with all NPC interactions completed. Toby reveals that he doesn’t draw his map designs until his team starts programming. Chapter 2’s balancing/bugfixing/translation/porting are all 0% done. Overall Toby suggests that Chapter 2 is between 50% and 80% done. Toby makes a distinction between Chapter’s 2 development and the development of remaining chapters. He also says that the game will be released in “many Chapters,” perhaps implying he was already reconsidering his goal of releasing all chapters at once at this time. Toby describes Chapters 3 and onward as having story and progression 100% done, cutscene dialogue 95% done. Ch 3+ Textual map design is 70% done overall and earlier chapters 100% done. “Earlier chapters” likely means 3 through 5. Drawn map design is 0% done. Ch 3+ enemy conceptual design is 90% done and bosses are 100% done. Enemy bullet designs are 80% done overall and 100% done in earlier chapters. Ch 3+ music concepts are 95% done, completed music is 50% done. Ch 3+ background concepts (first-pass) are 75% done. Ch 3+ bosses (first-pass) are 100% done. Ch 3+ sprite art is 20% done.

November 23 – Toby tweets the giant toilet from Chapter 2

2021

March 16 – Undertale releases on Xbox One

April 17 – Toby tweets about a friend playing the beta version of Chapter 2, confirming the game was in beta and undergoing playtesting around or prior to this time

July 20 – Toby tweets again about another friend playing the Chapter 2 beta

September 15 – Undertale 6th anniversary, Deltarune Chapter 2 announced

September 17 – Deltarune Chapter 2 is released

Toby’s team has expanded since the last status update and he considers expanding the team a little more. Toby says Chapter 2 was the biggest chapter in the game in many ways, including by cutscene count. Toby confirms changing his mind about releasing all chapters at once. Instead, Chapters 1 through 5 will be bundled together as a paid release once 3, 4, and 5 finish development.

September 23 – Deltarune Chapter 2 released on Switch and PS4

September 24 – Toby confirms in an interview that Chapter 2’s development took 1.5 years. This would line up with development starting in earnest around May 2020. Toby also confirms that chapter 2’s programming was handed over to another member of the team due to Toby’s wrist injury. Toby is now working as director on the project.

2022

February 9 – Toby posts concept art of future chapters

May 17 – Toby posts more concept art and mentions he’s gotten more people to help with development

September 15 – Undertale 7th anniversary

Toby’s team is simultaneously working on chapters 3, 4, and 5. Toby confirms more people have joined the team and the pace of creation has improved from Chapter 2. Most work completed has been for Chapters 3 and 4. Between 3, 4, and 5, the team has created more than one chapter’s worth of bullets, cutscenes, and gimmicks (likely meaning puzzles). Toby mentions 3, 4, and 5 having “certain aspects” that took a while to set up but are now in place, which will make development go smoother. Toby releases screenshots and songs from chapters 3 and 4.

September 17 – The Spamton Sweepstakes

November 17 – Toby announces Undertale/Deltarune mailing list

December 19 – The first Undertale/Deltarune newsletter is delivered

Toby says “the end is in sight” for some of the content in Chapter 3, but is very vague overall.

2023

March 30 – The second newsletter is delivered

The team’s main focus is completing Chapter 3. Translation for chapter 3 is close to starting. Based on what we know from later updates, it seems that translation is beginning sooner for these chapters than it did for chapters 1 and 2.

June 29 – The third newsletter is delivered

The team is still focusing on Chapter 3, but a few people are working on bullet patterns and puzzles for later chapters. The team is creating the final overworld area for Chapter 3, which is the last thing to complete before Chapter 3 is fully playable from start to finish (i.e., entering an alpha/beta state). Toby mentions how chapter 3 is an unusual chapter and implies it may have been harder to work on than a typical chapter. He also says Chapter 4 will be a “much more standard chapter”.

September 14th – The fourth newsletter is delivered

Chapter 3 is now playable from start to finish and is (presumably) undergoing testing and polish.

#deltarune #undertale #deltarune theory #toby fox

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23sanguinity · 12 days ago

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As my friends know, I am both a long time lover of Moana and currently obsessed with the transformers. So when I wanted to make transformers art but had no ideas I looked at my tiny Moana doll and was like what. What if she turned into her boat

Info on design +refs used bellow cut (I ramble a lot, be warned)

I basically traced a picture of my tiny Moana doll and an image of her boat to design the initial concept and because my friends thought it was cool I wanted to color it, so I sort of traced the vague shapes of the sitting lady reference and made the second pictured sketch from that. I colored over the second sketch, and decided that while I usually don’t do line art it would look better with it, so i did that but after finishing up I didn’t like how little color it had without a background so I spent a little time doing that. Procreate tracked 3hrs36 but I was sketching some random bullshit before I had an actual idea so it’s probably about 2-3 hours? I think? I am completely time blind even on my meds.

Another note is that I didn’t consider how an actual transformation would work at all, just that the parts had to go somewhere. I imagine the head folds under between the two storage compartments

I actually have a lot to say.

The hair was tricky, I wanted to still evoke her hair texture as she wears it in the movie but couldn’t really do that so on the final drawing I ended up just implying that shape of the hair. The idea was that any little sticks and bits would be segmented with some rope running down the middle so they could move, but it looked a lot like braids, which while cool, isn’t really what I wanted.

I thought several times about how it would be cool to know about the actual wood types used in this type of boat and how the colors I was using likely would not match up with this, but did not end up doing any research to incorporate into the final piece. I think the tones I used get the job done but aren’t really true to the movie or any sort of real world boat. If I draw this design again I’ll definitely keep fiddling but for now I’m happy that the sail at least looks right.

Back to the hair (lol) I thought a bit about replicating her bun instead, but couldn’t quite figure out what to make it with. I might try a redesign that doesn’t have any hair, maybe with some segmented sticks going down her head but stopping at the neck, but idk

If I draw her again I also want to focus on more of the little details- sail texture, wood grain, the little pattern on the hull/legs, I’m just impatient af and rush everything I do (also probably why the hair didn’t quite work out, I can’t slow down enough to do it properly)

I also need to look at more references, the ones I included are literally the only ones I used, and there are a few things that would look better if I did

I didn’t incorporate her oar into the design, thought I wanted to, I both worried about messing up the scale (honestly the rushed background kinda did anyway, whatever tho) and unsure how to incorporate yet another long stick. Most of the design I got around the stick issue by segmenting them but I don’t want to do that with the oar, because while breaking it doesn’t compromise structural integrity it does have a more visible role in the plot. Also, I’m not entirely sure where to put it, because again, it’s more plot relevant than other individual boat components and I’d want it to be clearly visible.

You know I think this is what art teachers wanted from me. And I’m just doing it for fun now

#moana #moana as a transformer #my art

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bomberqueen17 · 11 months ago

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Acid Dyes In Squirt Bottles: kinda a tutorial

So I bought some silk scarves with an eye toward dyeing them to use for giftwrapping for Christmas, and I'd idly meant to research techniques but suddenly realized I'm running out of time.

Almost all the tutorials on dyeing anything at all that I can find lately are for ice dyeing. Which is cool and I love that that's so trendy now. But some of the ones I've watched...

Well, see the point of ice dyeing is that powdered dyes often split into components and so you get really cool edge-effects where the different pigments in the dye penetrate the fabric differently because of the slow wicking action of the melting ice etc. I watched a tutorial where someone just had three primary colors, which are generally pure pigments, and did this, and I was like, you could have put those into squirt bottles and saved yourself about 8 hours plus all the time you spent making that ice. It did give a nicely feathered spectrum effect but the ice mostly did not contribute anything to the process.

But what I did learn from that tutorial was some advice on how to get acid dyes to strike in a cold low-immersion process. So I'm going to write up what I did, since that's what I was actually looking for, and every bit of information I can currently find is contained in overly-long videos that spend most of their runtime on irrelevant stuff.

Mostly this is for my own reference later, as I'm now old enough that I keep stumbling across things I've made and being like "wait I don't remember how I did this. I really made this? I have to have, nobody else lives here. How did I do this??" So anyway, overly-long and underly-technical writeup below the cut. Pictures to follow in a separate post.

What do I mean, cold low-immersion process??

Immersion is how most dyeing works. You make a dye bath, and you dunk your fabric into it. Low-immersion means you lie your stuff all out on some flat surface, maybe over a wire rack maybe over a sheet of plastic, and just put enough dye on for it to soak in. That's low-immersion, and generally is how you're gonna get multiple unmixed colors on one object.

and cold? Well, acid dyes, which work best on protein-based fibers like wool and silk, need heat to strike, or actually bond to the fabric. If you just dunk some silk in a dye bath and then rinse it, the dye mostly rinses out. You need heat to set it.

Let's back up a second-- acid dyes?? So there are two main types of dyes you use on fabric. Acid dyes are called that because you add some vinegar once the dye has soaked in, to get it to stick. (Yes, you need acid and heat!) The other kind, which you usually use for ice dyeing, is fiber-reactive dyes. Fiber-reactive are what you want for cotton, linen-- plant-based fibers, and some synthetics. (Nylon works with acid dyes for some reason, rayon needs fiber-based. I don't remember why but the Internet surely knows, it's surely very simple.)

So anyway. Fiber-reactive dyes are applied to fabric that's been pre-treated with soda ash and then set without much heat, though they do need to "cure" at a high temperature-- it doesn't have to be as hot as with acid dyes though. (A black plastic bag in the sun, an electric blanket lying overtop the bag they're in, that level of heat at most.) So they're the usual, traditional type of dyes you use for tie-dyeing, which is normally done on cotton t-shirts, and which very often is done with low-immersion methods to let you get a bunch of colors on there, are fiber reactive dyes. Many many many tutorials exist for this, including how to tie them. Very cool stuff.

I wanted that effect on silk though.

(*the alkali pre-rinse is fine for cotton and linen and such. alkali on silk is Generally Bad News. This is another reason people generally don't do fiber reactive dyes on silk. Silk shrugs off acid reasonably well but alkali is no bueno. Also for the record never ever try to bleach silk for any reason, that dissolves it. Now You Know!)

So. I did find this tutorial from Dharma Trading, about space dyeing. Remember when space-dyed stuff was trendy?? Many of you whippersnappers probably don't. It used to be cool and is probably what led to the invention of ice-dyeing, which clearly like A Person invented but I have no idea who and I bet finding out would be difficult so my ADHD ass is NOT going down that rabbit hole right.

So i tried that. I used aluminum foil instead of plastic wrap for the simple reason that my kitchen is currently torn apart and all my worldly goods in cardboard boxes but I had a roll of aluminum foil in the basement for some reason. I put down a vinyl tablecloth on my washing machine and used it as a work surface. And I found a broken old steamer insert and set it in an old aluminum pot that lives in the basement.

I mixed up squirt bottles of four colors of acid dye in approximately the proportions from the Dharma tutorial. I don't have measuring implements currently, see above re: kitchen (I'm planning on retiring a number of my measuring implements to serve in fiber arts, and keeping only the nice ones for the new nice kitchen, but that hasn't happened yet) so it was all very approximate.

And then I just lay each silk scarf out on the aluminum foil on the dryer and went to town.

I learned to be careful and sparing with the amount of dyes, to keep them from pooling underneath the material-- silk scarves aren't very absorbent. Any excess dye pooling on the aluminum foil will of course spread and get muddy. So what I wound up doing was working from right to left (on my left was the laundry sink), and doing my lightest color on the right and my darkest on the left, and then when I was done, I used an eyedropper to apply white vinegar to lock in the pigment, and then I picked the whole works up very carefully and tipped it to the left and let everything extra run off into the sink. So having my, say, fuschia run across the back of what was supposed to be a dark purple section didn't lead to any notable color contamination. One colorway had bright lemon yellow in it, and I was incredibly careful not to let any smudges or drips touch that-- kept it on the right of my workspace, propped up slightly. The yellow draining across the red and purple of that colorway didn't cause a problem, but I did wind up with a fingerprint of darker color in the yellow area (I think that's what caused the blot anyway).

Anyway, once the dye was all applied, and I'd let it drip into the sink for a moment, I then folded up each scarf into its own packet, careful to still keep the lighter end upward, and put it into my busted-ass steamer basket which made this easier because one of the legs has fallen off it, see, so it tilts anyway, that's why I retired it, and put the lid on and steamed each packet for about half an hour to 45 minutes.

At the end of that I pulled each packet out (there were overlaps, where I'd put a second packet in halfway through the first one. Most of the Strict Rules About Steaming Silk don't apply to this process because drips aren't a problem, dips in temperature that might lead to uneven mottling aren't a problem, this is just meant to be pretty color splotches with random patterns so literally none of the intimidating stuff you have to do to achieve perfection are a problem here), I let it cool off a bit and then unwrapped it and rinsed the scarf. Not much color came off them, and I was able to reuse the foil, which it's not that I'm being eco-friendly so much as that I only had the one roll of foil with not much left on it and this was the last day I could really do this, so. Not very scientific, but in the end I really was very thrifty LOL. Yes! I was being eco-friendly, that's why i'm like this.

I then let the scarves dry on my drying rack overnight, and came back the next day to collect them. I brought them all back to my mother-out-law's to wash them in her washing machine since mine is currently not properly hooked up (additional nightmare, love it)-- I figured this wouldn't be messy in her impeccable laundry room and I was right, very little dye to rinse out. Gave them a wash with dharma's professional detergent, then a rinse with milsoft, then an extra rinse, and I've now let them dry again, ironed them, and have them in a plastic bag with some perfume because the detergent smells kind of awful LOL. I'm letting them sit like that for a day or two and then I'll get them out and package them up for gifts.

#diy #crafting #fabric arts #dyeing

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keylovesstuff · 6 months ago

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I give you guys this :)

AO3

FFN

Little Events Chapter 4: Proposals

"So when are we going to get married?" Bowser asked her five minutes into silence after everyone left the meeting room.

Water mixed with spit flew an impressive fifteen inches across the table hitting him directly in his face. The Koopa King blew the little water from his nostrils while the rest dripped down his face. It took a good ten seconds for Peach to finally catch her breath and another five to compose herself while repositioning her crown upon her head.

"Excuse me, but one you never proposed, two I never said yes, and three are there not specific courting customs you have to follow?" Peach asked while listing off each statement one gloved finger at a time.

"Fine." Bowser huffed standing and making his way over to her seat. Peach turned her body to face him once he was in front of her. Taking her hand in his giant one bending down on one knee. "Peaches, from the moment we first met, I knew you were the one that I wanted to spend my entire life beside. You're already such an amazing leader and together we would be the best rulers in the world. With that accept my hand in marriage." He finished giving her his best dreamy eyes.

Peach was certain she was blushing out of embarrassment as she quickly pulled away and straightened up the papers on the table.

"I wasn't being serious and what kind of proposal was that? It wasn't even romantic." She pouted gathering up today's materials and started towards her office. The Koopa King followed behind.

"We both have a different view of what a 'romantic' proposal entails." Bowser grumbled under his breath looking at all the free space along the walls. "I've been saying you should add more portraits or at least some mirrors. How's a guy supposed to admire their own handsomeness or their leader when I'm here?" He commented for the umpteenth time.

Other than a slight chuckle, Peach carried on towards her office. Another thing both Bowser and her Advisor Toadsworth shared similar opinions on. It wasn't so much as she didn't think she was pretty- far from it actually but, that doesn't mean she wants a portrait or her own reflection 'staring' as she went about her day. Lone stone statues and having his entire face sculpted into his castle may work for him but not for her. The thought of having to sit perfectly still for almost eight hours dissuaded her from wanting any portraits done. While the glass stained portrait displayed outside was nice, she did not miss that numb feeling in her butt just for them to get the perfect reference. Peach was thinking that if any pictures were to go on the walls, landscapes of the world's natural beauty would be nice.

Peach supposed that once she starts traveling to other kingdoms she'd find some lovely sights that she'd want to look at again even if she could only visit once. She entered her office to place the papers on the desk to look over at a later time while Bowser waited outside.

"I got some other things to attend to so I'm going to be leaving here in a bit. Is there anything else in that pile I need to sign or something" Bowser asked from outside the room.

Peach hummed and quickly skimmed through the paperwork she just placed down and hummed softly.

"No you're all good. Thanks for fitting this meeting into your schedule. I know you hate how early they are." She told him, while closing the door "I'll accompany you to the pipe if you'd like" she offered and he just nodded.

"Least you can do after you rejected my proposal earlier." Bowser finally said after they walked in silence for a few minutes.

Peach continued but was at a loss of words. Was he really that hurt by her rejection? Was he really that serious with his proposal? Maybe that was the most 'romantic' he could be and her expectations were either too high or unrealistic given that the most she knows about romance comes from books. Bowser was from the darklands and similar to her, didn't have anyone to look to on how being in love looked. She has her doubts that Kamek had little time for a personal life of his own with being at his lord's beck and call, much less giving him advice about it. Toadsworth himself never went into much about his romantic life only going as far as to say at one point he was involved with some ambassador in training but they broke up mutually.

To her memory Toadsworth never actually pursued anyone else in their community either. When Peach was young she did question him every now and then about wanting a partner, only for him to brush it off and sweetly tell her that he'd wish to put all his energy into raising her. Younger Peach enjoyed hearing those words then but now she wished he took time to focus on himself outside of her but, he doesn't seem all that bothered she guessed. The princess had to stifle a chuckle once she realized she hadn't responded to Bowser's comment. Even after knowing him for all these years, Peach still viewed him as her very much self-absorbed friend that would occasionally offer some good advice when it comes to being in power. While she didn't take all his advice to heart, she couldn't argue with the fact that it worked for him when she visited his Kingdom. That didn't mean she could see herself being by his side for the rest of her life.

They made it to the pipe before she finally found something to say.

"So um, exactly when and how did you know that you loved me to the point that you were thinking about marrying me?" Peach turned red again in embarrassment after structuring the question in the best way. Bowser stared at her silent for what seemed like the longest two minutes. She found an interesting spot on the ground and was about to tell him to forget about it till he finally spoke up.

"Guess I just see you as a worthy leader to be with considering how far this place has come in just half a year into you taking power. Already better than other kingdoms that've been operating for years. That and I can never have too much territory and this place is huge and of course having you as my Queen would grant me access to that. What are you thinking about saying yes?" He finished with a wiggle of his bushy eyebrows.

Peach gave a sigh of relief inwardly. There was no sort of love confession in what he had said which would make what she had to say next a little more easier.

"Not exactly. I feel like I still have so much to do as a leader on my own. I really do appreciate all you've done to help me get this far but, I think I want to see more of what other places have to offer before I even think about marriage I guess" she finished with a bow.

"Hmm on your own...I see" Bowser regarded her words with claws on his chin.

The way he repeated her own words sent a sort of strange feeling down her spine but Peach shook it off. Maybe due to nerves of having to admit that out loud and not having a clue on where to start to make it happen. Again the silence lingered on for far longer than she was comfortable with as he stepped onto the pipe.

"No choice but to sit back and see what you do Princess Peach," Bowser finally concluded. "When you feel like you're in that position make sure to consider what I've said. I do trust you'll make the right decision as it's much better to have me as an ally than an enemy" he added, smiling proudly to himself as he saw her gulp.

"Of course Lord Bowser. Please take care and I look forward to our next visit, where you'll hopefully start accompanying me to other kingdoms?" Peach reminded him of his promise to hopefully end this conversation on a positive note.

"Sure. I'll write or come visit you when I can so we can set up some days. I'm pretty sure that old man and that excuse you call a council would insist on being in attendance" mouth frowned in disdain when he mentioned her people. She chose not to acknowledge it.

"I'll look forward to it," Peach said, waving him off as he disappeared down the pipe.

As she was heading back to the castle to carry out the rest of her appointments and for the remainder of the day, Bowser's words and the idea of marriage played throughout her mind. For the first time since her coronation, she was thinking about all the other responsibilities that came with being a leader.

The sun had already set for the day and Peach found herself in her office chair reviewing notes written by both herself and council along with documents from today. She could feel her eyelids getting heavy and brain turning into mush as she tried to process the words enough to know where to properly sort them in the drawers behind her. A long yawn filled the otherwise silent room and in that moment she looked up at the clock and it was about a half an hour till 12am. The first obligation scheduled for the day was set for seven. With a groan she contemplated on just leaving everything sprawled out on the desk and just calling it a night. A small laugh found its way out of her mouth as she could practically hear Toadsworth saying that he taught her to make sure all her areas were left spotless when she leaves. Gathering up the last little bit of her energy, Peach willed herself into finally sorting the papers and the thoughts from earlier bought her Advisor outside of her door with a knock.

At her words of 'come in' the door opened and in walked Toadsworth dressed in lavender striped nightshirt, matching night hat atop his cap, and white slippers instead of his usual attire with his signature bowtie.

"Time management needs to get better my dear Princess. This is the fifth time this month I've found you in here at an unruly hour" He tsked and set to work organizing the writing materials on the desk and then her papers.

Peach watched as with just a five to ten second glance he knew the correct place to file it for later, Truly earning his place as being her most trusted advisor. He's always been there to listen to her concerns and give her good advice whenever she found herself too much in her head.

"I guess I was just a little distracted by something today and it's taking me a while to get this stuff done" she told him, moving to help with the other stuff.

"Oh? Perhaps you'd like to discuss? It may help to ease your mind." He offered before gasping suddenly at the sight the untouched tray of food. "Before we get to that you need to eat your dinner" confirming his suspicions he lifted up the lid.

With a quick promise of returning he grabbed the tray and left the office. Peach finished sorting the remaining papers. By the time she placed the last piece away, Toadsworth returned with the now warmed meal. She was a few bites into her grilled cheep fish sandwich before the toad seated across urged her to share what was on her mind.

"What do you think about the idea of me getting married to someone someday?" she asked him finding the right way to phrase it.

Immediately Toadsworth eyes glanced to both her hands for an extravagant ring on her finger. He put his hand over his chest to ease slow down his heartbeat when he realized she hadn't rushed into a commitment like that without talking to him first.

"Well of course I want you to find someone that you're so infatuated with to want to spend the rest of your life with." He told her and took a sip of tea he bought up earlier. "As a matter of fact...I should probably apologize for not allowing you to interact with people more like you despite them being a pipe away" he added, setting the cup down and looking at nothing on her desk.

To an extent she understood where he was coming from but, on the other hand she couldn't remember a time growing up where she wanted to be around other humans. Then again from the time she turned nine after a normal school day she was immediately thrusted into formal leadership teachings so where did she have time to really think about it. In conclusion, Peach thought that she couldn't quite miss or be bitter about something she never had an association with in the first place.

"There's no need to apologize about that Toadsworth" she started and reached out for his hand. Toadsworth grabbed it, giving it a squeeze. "I don't think it matters how a person looks so much as their personality and how they are when it comes to ruling." Peach finished with a smile.

"If you say so my dear" Toadsworth patted her hand with his other hand and returned her smile with his own best.

Hearing that made him feel a bit better but, he'd be lying to himself if he didn't think he could've done better as her guardian. Sure Peach has turned out to be an amazing young lady and while she still had a lot more growing to do, he was proud at just how good of a leader she is now. Toadsworth did wonder just how much if any of her mental has been affected by not being around humans and wasn't sure if he was ready to face it should the time come.

"You must be in love if you're asking questions about marriage. Am I right?" He asked to get them back to the topic at hand. Now thinking and hoping that it's not about the Koopa King after what she said earlier. Saying she fell for one of the toad guards would've been better if he was honest.

"Not exactly" she started not acknowledging the look of relief on his face. 'What was he thinking she was going to say?' It was probably better she didn't know so she just carried on. "I was looking up other reasons that people, well mostly royalty get married and it's not always about love" she shared this most recent discovery with him but if she thought about it he probably already knew that fact.

"I guess I understand that. What pushed you to look into all that Princess" he urged her to continue. Peach gathered her thoughts for some moments and took a deep breath before speaking.

"Well why I don't think I like Bowser in that way, his influence as an ally has proven to be good. Mmm I guess if there's a permanent engagement in place especially when it comes to the safety of everyone. If that's taken care of well then I guess I could learn to love him or anyone for that matter later" Peach told him and then felt unconfident about it seconds later "I'm sorry does that make any sense? I fear it doesn't." She said turning away to focus on the wall.

"I see where you might have come to that conclusion. I do want to assure you that as you will never have to make a decision like that alone and if you feel you need to I would hope you address that with the council or me first." He told her sternly and only continued when she gave him a nod. "Furthermore, as the people who have cared for you from the time you were little, your happiness means the most to us and while other kingdoms have their own rules set in place, here you will marry who you love ok." Again she nodded to show that she was still listening to him. "Finally if it's the peoples safety that really pushes you to go forward with something like that, then we'll give us time to show you that we can adapt and find ways to be strong ourselves." He finished but felt it necessary to add the next point. "We trust you so you have to trust us."

While Toadsworth wanted to follow that up with he'd be fine with her marrying anyone that wasn't Bowser, he didn't want to sound like an immediate hypocrite should she genuinely fall for him in the future. Though he'd have to see a serious change in that reptile to even consider him someone worthy of respect other than having the obvious title.

Peach could feel a burning sting prick the corners of her eyes while processing his words. In some part of her mind she knew that but it hit so much harder hearing come out of his mouth. It probably was because it came from Toadsworth but she also knew everyone would also say the same thing. With that she gathered the strength to get up from her seat, walk around the desk, and wrap her arms around his neck. Only feeling him return with the same gesture did she speak.

"Thank you Toadsworth" she said as a happy tear streaked down her cheek.

_______

Three weeks later Peach found herself in the throne room and felt another headache coming along as one of the Toad gave the same report since the first day. Part of her alliance with Bowser included sending some of his minions to do border control once dark rolls around, while other Toads patrolled during the day. There hasn't exactly been anything seen to warrant having such a thing in place but it was better to be safe than sorry. However as of late, Koopa Troops and Goombas haven't been showing up to their posts to alleviate them leaving the toads to pull all-nighters to ensure the safety of the citizens. After the third night, Peach ordered them to return home to rest and just return by the time night falls since that's more important. The Princess has written several letters to the Koopa King about this but hasn't heard anything back yet. She even checked her document from the last meeting with him to make sure everything was still the same and sure enough his signature was there at the end of the paper.

Rubbing the temples of her head she told the reporter Toad to once again tell the others along the borders to return home to rest and return to their post by the time the moon enters the sky. Before he left to do exactly that, the toad left her with one more thing to know about. Power-ups only exclusive to the darklands she found really helped toads with certain tasks and vice versa when it came to the mushroom kingdom. Well the toads who normally handle all the imports and exports hadn't heard from the Koopa's King's people and their scheduled date was closing in. Peach assured him that she'll take care of everything with a smile as he took his exit. She concluded that if she couldn't get a hold of Bowser via letters, she'd just have to pay him a visit in person to see what was going on. If the darklands was dealing with problems of its own, she'd hate to selfishly make it about her own Kingdom's needs and would provide support if she could.

All she gathered from her visit was that 1. The Darklands was doing just fine as the inhabitants went about their daily happy lives, at least by the kingdom's standards. 2. All the guards that normally took the border work at night were also in good shape. That didn't mean they were these past weeks she had to tell herself but also had some doubts. Finally 3. Bowser was doing just fine and reading her letters as well. Rather he really was there or not, Peach wasn't gonna keep bombarding Kamek with questions. The magikoopa did tell her that it was under Bowser's direct order that the citizens weren't allowed to leave the darklands under any circumstance until he said otherwise. At least she got an answer for their lack of attendance the past three weeks. She just told him to tell the Koopa King to get back at her when he could, to which the wizard assured her he'd pass the message.

Another three weeks went by and she still hadn't heard from Bowser in any form be it letters or in person. What she was expecting to see on her daily strolls through the town was her people barely managing to get through the day. Instead what she saw was the toads going on as normal, chatting about the usual topics, and smiling. The toads on border control took it amongst themselves to get back on a similar schedule where some would take the daytime and others would take the night, switching it up every now and then. Even though she saw it with her own eyes her mind just couldn't accept that everything was just fine. One day after everything was taken care of she found herself in Toadsworth office silently sitting there as the advisor did some calculations. It was silent for just a few more minutes before she finally decided to speak.

"Am I being tricked by everyone?" She asked him. Earning a questioning look from the mustached Toad. "It's just that everyone seems okay but are they really okay? Or are they just acting like they are when I come around?" She tried to get him to see what she was getting at. He was still very much confused.

"I don't believe your people would try to deceive you in that way Princess. More or less how would they be able to hide their suffering from you with a snap of the finger." Toadsworth said, trying to get her to logically think about the first question.

"Well I have developed a routine of visiting the town. Perhaps they've caught on to it and spend those hours in good spirits when I come around?" Peach reasoned with him and even she could admit to herself that that didn't make any sense.

"Or perhaps everyone really is just doing good. My dear we've always had a knack for finding ways to manage things on our own together. So even if we don't have what we're used to, guarantee we've found a way to do it ourselves." He finished that last part with a chuckle though that didn't reach Peach.

"If you say so. I'm going to pay another visit and see how it goes. Maybe I'll get somewhere this time." Peach told him, getting up and heading towards the door.

"Of course Princess. Be sure to return at a decent time. I'll be waiting" Toadsworth promised her, returning to his calculations.

Who was he to stop her or be the one to say her visits would be futile. Part of being a leader meant she had to face some things head on and see people's true colors. Even after all these years.

This visit was already off to a better start than the last as she caught Bowser returning to the castle. The King insisted that he wasn't in the mood for a visit but she explained that it wouldn't take long. Much to his annoyance he agreed and she waited alone in his throne room for a good ten minutes till he came in and sat down. No more than five seconds of silence Bowser snapped.

"Well...you said this would be quick...start talking" he snarled. A brief smirk of satisfaction crossed his face when Peach flinched in place and she stuttered a few words.

"Well to start I just wanted to know if our alliance still holds any weight? As of lately I haven't seen you hold your end and I've been wondering if somethings wrong." Peach told him once she remembered how to form words.

"I don't know...Depends Princess. What have you learned about doing it all on your own?" Head in hand he looked down at her from his spot on the throne.

At that moment everything seemed to come together and to say she was angry was an understatement. She was outright furious to find out the reason for him acting like this for the past two months was because of a small thing she said. It took everything she had in that moment not to blow up on him. Instead she took a deep breath and told herself that to some degree she had to placate the King if she wanted to see some semblance of normalcy return to her kingdom.

"While for certain I don't want to get married anytime soon...I'll still keep you in mind as a potential suitor." She gauged his reaction to see him looking quite impressed. "I do know that having your help makes it easier on my people's lives. So at your earliest convenience could we get everything back in place. It would be appreciated." She finished with a bow of her head.

With how long it took him to finally speak up, she was starting to feel like he'd just dismiss on the spot. Peach wasn't sure what she would've done if that happened. Would she have begged on the spot or even say she'd marry him the next day. Luckily neither of those options happened.

"I hear you. Tell your people to expect my minion's to contact them and be at their place by tomorrow." He waved a hand. Peach looked up at him and smiled finally hearing what she wanted. Already picturing everything returning to normal. "One more thing I still have some things to take care of but in about two months at most I'll start taking you to other Kingdoms so be prepared" He added.

"I will. Thank you" with one more bow she turned to take her exit.

Bowser stayed true to his word and only for the first time in weeks did she feel more at peace seeing the toads resume their daily routines. To the best of her abilities, Peach tried to tune out the voice in her mind along with Toadsworth's verbal and knowing look saying 'Everyone was fine all along'. While ignoring her was mostly intentional on his part, he really did have other obligations that came with his title. He reached the age and maturity where it was time to produce an heir and there was responsibility that came with keeping the bloodline as pure as possible. That intrigued Peach if only for the mere fact that she would one day be able to see a baby Koopa. Nothing could ever compare to baby toads though in her own biased opinion but it could come close. There was also the bonus of seeing papa Bowser in which she could barely contain a giggle every time she thought about it much to his annoyance.

Within the next year she was introduced to a variety of rulers who were mostly older than them. Peach found that leaders whose kingdom's were closer to her own home, were easier to make connections with. The leaders whose kingdoms were more shrouded in darkness and mystery, gave her a more unsettling feeling if she was honest. From the domain full of Ghosts who's tragic stories she'd rather not know about to a literal bomb that would probably explode over anything, she thought it'd be best to prevent any problems before they present themselves. There was no amount of asking to convince Bowser to take her to the jungle kingdom. Something about reptiles not mixing well with apes and he also couldn't stand the crocodile king that resided there. She'd just have to visit herself one day to see just how advanced it was.

Sarasland was another kingdom she wanted to see if only for the chance to meet someone around her age. Name and reputation alone wasn't enough to get an audience. The leaders had to get together and send a personal invitation and the qualifications for that weren't so straightforward. Peach would keep her fingers crossed that she would one day receive a summon. Bowser ended up taking her to the neighboring flower kingdom and while he didn't have many good things to say about it or their people, she did. That was made possible by interacting with their Prince by the name Haru. The moment she first sputtered out how pretty she thought his cerulean hair was, sparked the first of their conversations.

While the council and surprisingly Toadsworth left to tour a separate part of the kingdom, Haru took her on a quiet walk in their castle garden. There was the back and forth that comes with meeting with someone for the first time but, Peach was really surprised with how comfortable and natural they fell into conversation. Together they sat on one of the benches as he handed her a flower and complimenting her appearance for the second time, whatever was going to happen next was interrupted by Bowser showing up finally finding where she disappeared off to. That caused an almost comical misunderstanding of Haru assuming the two were engaged and he was overstepping in some way. Until Peach explained that was far from the truth, much to the anger on Bowser's face. They all said their goodbyes and just as they were about to depart Haru stopped her with a piece of paper. Said paper contained his castle address and insignia.

The added comment of hoping to hear from her soon started the two months of communicating with each other via letters. There were many days after completing her daily tasks where she'd spent time writing just to make sure it was ready for the deliverer by morning. Two days ago he had invited her to the flower kingdom to show her how to drive a motorbike, as enthusiastically as possible through words she accepted the offer. Toadsworth and a few members of the council escorted her to the kingdom and while they carried on with the scheduled meeting, Haru took her to the location of his bike. Now she stood there in traditional toad clothing she hadn't worn in forever since her dress wasn't appropriate attire for this activity, while Haru did a final once over on the bike.

"Ready to go Princess? Feel free to climb on" He told her after getting on the vehicle himself.

There's only one seat she rationalized with one look. Was she just supposed to sit behind him? Would it be more appropriate or safe if she just sat sideways on the bike and held on to him that way? Wait, could she just wrap her arms around him? In the midst of her asking those questions to herself, a hand was guiding her to sit down on the back behind him. Haru assured her that he didn't mind her holding onto him as a matter of fact he'd prefer it cause he has a habit of going fast. That didn't stop his ears from turning red and stiffening a little under her touch.

Before taking off he passed her a gray helmet with the promise of getting her a pink one for next time. It was her turn to blush as she slid it on to hide her cheeks at just the very comment of him wanting to do this again with her. They took off and through the face shield, Peach watched as the scenery sped by. Of course she enjoyed calm and slow walks but, there was something more freeing that came from riding. They made it to a more open area and that's when they both got off the bike and he started explaining how everything worked. The Prince told her to try it for herself and maybe it was due to beginners' luck, but she caught on pretty easily for it to be her first time. By herself she remained cool and collected but, as soon as he hopped back on and held onto her waist it was a different story.

Peach was braking the bike excessively, swaying side to side, or going too fast one moment and too slow the next. The most embarrassing thing had also happened when she suddenly popped a wheelie. She was certain Haru had lost his hand but not sure why but one moment he was right behind her and the next he was on the ground. Of course she stopped immediately turning off the bike, rushing to his side, and apologizing profusely while helping him up and checking for any injuries. After that he proposed that they take a break and just admire the clouds, it was a beautiful day afterall. They laid on the soft grass together shoulder to shoulder, the smallest distance together they've been today. They made small talk pointing out the shapes of the clouds first to other random stuff before they somehow got on to the topic of families.

"Does it ever bother you that you don't know where you're from? Or that you don't know who your parents are?" He asked her hoping it wasn't a touchy subject. She hummed thoughtfully.

"Not really. I mean I've lived with the toads for so long that I can't say for certain I'd feel any different from knowing anything if that makes sense." She truthfully answered.

Peach knew for as long as she lived, she would always regard the toads as her true family seeing as they've always been there. She couldn't imagine how different her life would be now if she had ended up somewhere else or even stayed with her original family.

"I'm just really happy where I am now in life where I've come across many people now and am just looking forward to what the future has in store" Peach finished sitting up. Haru followed the motion.

"That's a nice way to think about it. I guess we wouldn't be sitting here together now if you never ended up here." He said putting his arms on his knees. "I hope that I can be more a part of your future," he added, facing away to hide the blood rising to his cheeks.

"Hmm well you're an ally of ours now. Of course you're going to be a part of that future." Peach told him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. When he snorted covering his mouth she couldn't help but think that something in what he just said went over her head. "What are you laughing about?" She pouted and it took him a minute to gather himself.

"True but, that wasn't entirely what I meant about being in your future" this time putting more emphasis on the word 'your' hoping it would come across differently this time around. Peach still had a slight look of confusion on her face. "Here um, if you would allow me..." He turned, repositioning his body to face her prompting her to do the same with her head.

As quickly as it all started it was over. One moment he had a hand on her cheek pulling her to him. Soft lips pressed against hers for several seconds. Before she had time to process returning the action, he was pulling away standing up and offering his hand. Haru apologized and told her they should probably head back as the meeting was probably done by now. Peach was speechless during the entire exchange unsure what had gotten into him. The ride back was just as quiet and slow as if he still wanted to prolong the time to the destination. He bid her farewell after taking her to the castle's meeting room, not waiting around to do the same with the others.

They went two weeks after that going about their daily routines minus writing letters. Well Peach herself didn't entirely stop writing them. After finishing them, she couldn't find the confidence to actually pass it along to the messenger. By day sixteen her drawer was almost filled to the brim of unsent papers. Toadsworth noticed the change and had asked her about it, but she convinced him that it was nothing. When deliveries came around the next day, there was a letter from Haru and just as she got her hopes up, it depleted upon seeing it was addressed to Toadsworth. Apparently Haru had matters that he could only talk to her advisor about, is all Toadsworth said.

Peach couldn't help but feel a little anger towards Haru. From kissing her, to ignoring her, and now requesting to meet with her advisor of all people, could he not talk to his own people. For once she actually envied Toadsworth's age and life experience that made people want to seek him out for advice. She had half the mind to order him to write a letter declining cause if he can't talk to her, why should he be able to talk to Toadsworth. Curiosity got the best of her though and even she said not to, Toadsworth probably wouldn't listen without a valid reason. So as planned, Haru arrived to meet with Toadsworth and had the audacity to smile and wave in her direction. Having other places to be, she said her farewells to Toadsworth and went on her way before he had a chance to lecture her about the rude behavior.

A couple hours went by and she had almost forgot he was here till she stepped outside her office to see him standing there. Part of her was happy that he decided to stick around for a while. Then she remembered why he initially visited and did an entire mood change.

"I suppose now that your business with Toadsworth is taken care of you'll be taking your leave?" Peach asked him, keeping a formal tone.

"Well I should, but I have no other obligations and I really wanted to talk to you." He said walking up to her. "That is if you want to," he added.

"Sure I guess" she said, not bothering to fight back the smile on her own face as he gave his own. She fell in line beside him as they made their way outside the castle.

"I want to say that while I don't apologize for kissing you, I do want to apologize for not following the procedures in order to do that in the first place." He started turning to look at her. "It's actually why I wanted to talk to Toadsworth and your council to see if I could fix things if you will." He stopped there to allow her time to process what he was saying.

"Fix things cause you kissed me? I'm sorry but I'm a little confused." She said inviting him to elaborate.

"Well I guess what I want to do is enter a courting arrangement with you." He said finally getting to the point "I figured it'd be best if I got Toadsworth's permission and I also wanted to ensure that there weren't any other plans for you in that regard" That last part made her remember their first encounter when Bowser had shown up.

"Oh well what did he say?" She was curious now. It had been awhile since they had discussed that aspect of her life and wasn't sure if anything had changed.

"He said that he had no problems with it but, in the end the choice is up to you" he repeated her stewards words "said your happiness is what's most important...so would that be something you want to do be in with me?" and with that he stopped in place as they made it outside the town reaching his bike.

"Sounds like him" she smiled in relief before noticing how he'd become a bit fidgety as she hadn't answered the question. "Oh yes sure let's try it" Peach made a move to hold his hands in her own.

"Really? Okay then gosh, we'll then I'm going to try and see you more often if that's alright with you." Haru stammered over his own words in excitement moving in to close the distance. "Would it be alright if I kiss you now? as official partners" He asked leaning in when she nodded yes.

"It sounds like the discussion didn't take long. I know Toadsworth can talk a lot though but still two hours? I hope I didn't keep you waiting that long outside" she said after they had pulled apart and he started to get settled on his bike.

"I want to say we talked for a good hour about the relationship thing with you. There was so much he had to say." Haru was remembering every last word from the conversation. "I wanted to come to you right away after that but, he said I should allow you to focus on work and so for the remainder of the time we spent it playing a few rounds of mahjong. In the end it was 0-5 in his favor. " He feigned annoyance at having to admit that and smiled when that got a laugh out of Peach.

"You'll get him one day I believe. If it makes you feel better, I'm 109-10 and those were pity wins because it was my birthday" she said, waving him off as he drove off.

For the next few months when either had downtime they would visit the other's kingdom. More often than not Haru, would be at the mushroom kingdom or either picking her up to take her to the flower kingdom to spend time there. They returned to writing letters to each other everyday and while it was mostly about stuff they talked about before, some of the letters took on different turns on both their parts. The content that some of the letters contained had Peach double checking the seals of letters before sending them off, doubling up the original with extra empty papers, or choosing to read them late at night in her own room. They also talked about future plans when the topic of marriage came up. Even though he hadn't asked the question yet, talking about it had her thinking it was only a matter of time. She briefly considered how all that would work being that they were from different kingdoms in all, but that could wait she concluded.

The next time Peach met up with Bowser, she updated him on everything that had happened. To say he wasn't pleased was definitely an understatement. The Koopa King went on about what Haru could possibly do for her Kingdom that he hasn't been doing for years and how she's only infatuated with him cause he's just like her. Dealing with Bowser for years, Peach knew it was best to just let him say whatever lest it lead to something bigger. It was in the middle of his tangent that Haru decided to appear having been waiting for a little longer than normal. Bowser decided at that moment it was time to leave, giving Haru the meanest glare as he walked past. Uncharacteristically Haru returned the gesture and Peach was glad Bowser's back was turned. As they were on the way to the flower kingdom Haru would ask her how she's put up with him all these years.

Peach had quickly learned not to bring either man up to the other regardless of what it was about. If it didn't have nothing to do with making sure everything remained functional in her kingdom it wasn't discussed. If it didn't have anything to do with the two of them specifically it wasn't discussed. In her excitement one day she did slip up and tell Bowser that Haru had officially proposed with a ring and everything. After the conversation it left her viewing a few of her most recent encounters and relationship as a whole a bit differently. Just as she was starting to feel a bit better about things, one night after having dinner with the King, Queen, and Haru's council left both of them in a weird mood by the time they went up to his room. Haru in particular seemed to be lost deep in his own thoughts, having not said a single word as they laid together on bed before he suddenly got up and sat down at his own desk and started writing down stuff on paper.

"So tell me again while it would be more preferable to have a boy first." Peach asked, staring up at the ceiling breaking the silence.

"It's more so about the title. See here in the flower kingdom the next in line for the crown goes to the oldest male once the current King passes. So while my dad was born after my aunt, the throne automatically went to him once my grandfather passed because of that." He explained while writing. "It was quite the conflict between everyone around that time but it's what the will stated and one of the last laws he passed. My dad's been assuming that we're going to be adapting laws from here since it's more 'set in stone' and 'proven to work' none of that making it up as it happens." Haru said only dropping his pen to do air quotes with his hands. "I'm sorry if he made you think that he or even myself would be disappointed in having a firstborn daughter. It's quite annoying since we haven't even gotten married yet and they're going on about kids now." He apologized, returning to the task at hand.

"I see. On the topic of kids I guess, how do you think I'd do as a mother? I mean I also started training a little later in life to become a princess and with this child I would have to start them earlier right" Peach asked more questions rushing to her brain than she could voice. He hummed before answering.

"Well I've seen you with both babies here and in your own Kingdom. I think you'd be a great mom. You grew up surrounded by toads so you know what it's like to be really involved so to speak. It's me you'll probably have to reign in every now and then, even up to four years ago I very rarely saw my own parents around and spent most of my days with mentors." He recounted, pen going to his cheek briefly before returning it to the paper "As far as training goes well like me we can have a few mentors if you want and you have me, I'll tell them what I experienced. We can also decide the best age to start it if that helps. But, again I just say we focus on getting through this wedding first before all that stuff" He finished.

Peach thought it'd be best to take his advice for now and worry about that topic for later and she also sensed that would be how he'd end everything else regarding the matter. She sat up covering her legs with the t-shirt and then pulling them to her chest.

"Is that why you're over there writing down some hypothetical laws of your own" Peach guessed and did a little cheer in her head when he stiffened in place.

"They're hypothetical laws for us" he corrected and faced the opposite direction in the chair. "I figured since you were thinking about things having it written down where you could see it would help and maybe for me too" he concluded and matched the frown that appeared on her face.

"How is it for us when I'm not giving any input?" She asked him.

"In a way you are by talking about your worries. I'm just adjusting and making things accordingly so you don't think about when the time comes. I was gonna show you later once it was a bit more polished." He promised.

"Would you be ok if we were to hypothetically still have an alliance in place with Bowser?" Peach asked out of the blue.

"What does he have to do with anything Princess?" He was genuinely confused at the sudden change of subject in the span of twenty minutes. She gave him a look that told him to answer the question. He groaned "If I'm honest I'm not 100% on board with it. I mean I was always taught to be wary when it comes to Koopa's. I'm willing to go along with it if that's what you want but I'm not going to be as kind as you are and allow him to do and talk as he pleases" He told her honetime.

“I guess I understand where you're coming from but, there's a certain way you have to deal with him or he could get vindictive. " Peach advised.

"That doesn't mean anything to me, especially since I've been without his assistance for years and been ok. I would like to think that by being your husband you'd have faith that I know what's best for the people." He said feeling offended.

Peach was silent, not sure what could be said to make Haru not think that way. Making decisions alone was easy but doing it as a team seemed like it took way more work. In her own head she didn't process the bed shift under the added weight and arms wrapping around her shoulders until he spoke.

"I really do mean what I said. Look I know I haven't been there as long as Bowser and I know I'm nothing to compare to him physically but, I'd do anything I can against him for the people and you. So put some trust in me that I'll know the best choice" he begged.

Peach let the nodding of her head do the speaking instead of using her own voice not trusting it to sound sincere. Haru took it for now and hoped that one day he'd be able to prove it to her in the future. They ended up dozing off for a while before Peach woke up and asked if he could take her home. Despite the late hour, he slipped on some clothes and had her home in record time.

_____

It was three days to the wedding and aside from a few little things that could be handled on the day of, The preparations were complete. For the first time in a while she had actually finished all her work early. Not that she had much stuff with everything going on, just similar stuff for her coronation minus a speech. Peach laid on top of covers in the dark room, engagement ring on the stand instead of her finger. Deep down she had already admitted that she wasn't ready for this. There were just too many unknown possibilities that for some reason she could only envision poor outcomes. When she had told some of the Toads this, they had completely brushed her off saying it was just the pre-wedding jitters and once she's walking down the aisle it would fade away instantly..

At that moment she just agreed and laughed it off with them but she couldn't shake the thought that they were just telling her that because they had put so much energy into the preparations for her to change her mind. Something a couple of Toads in particular said was really sticking in her head and made her just want to suck it up and go through with it regardless of feelings.

"If you change your mind now, you might end up regretting it later" one of them said as they were twisting her hair.

"Who knows if you'll ever find someone else that loves you the same way or even more than he does" The other one said while painting her nails.

"Oh but think of your reputation amongst the lands my dear. If you back out now any potential suitor looking your way will see you as a flake." The former one finished her hair and held a mirror up. "Do you like it?" Peach nodded.

"Don't say that! anyone would be lucky to take our Princess as their bride. Pay her no mind dear." The latter one held her hand up at a better angle "ooh I smudged it a little," she frowned and got to work fixing it.

Peach had tuned out for the remainder of the time she was there only replying with single words and nonverbal movements with her head. She grabbed the pillow and covered her face in a lousy attempt to drown out the words. The knock at the door caught her attention and like many times before she knew exactly who it was. Upon her approval, he walked Toadsworth and he stood right at the head of the bed.

"I would assume you'd be in much higher spirits given that you're getting married soon. Yet you're in here alone and looking upset" he said his observations out loud. "Any reason for that?" He asked.

"Just because I'm laying down doesn't mean I'm upset." She told him. "I'm just a little exhausted with everything so I'm trying to catch up on sleep" she lied and turned to face the other direction.

Even in the dark she could feel his gaze burning a hole in the back of her head.

"I'm not convinced that's the truth at all Princess. However, if you wish not to discuss what's bothering you now, know that I'll be here to listen to you later. You know where I'll be" he assured her, making his way to the door.

The mustached toad didn't even make it five steps away from the bed before she sat in the bed reaching an arm out at him and in a panic told him to wait. Halting in his steps as he waited for her next instruction. The word came out of her mouth faster than her brain processed as she slowly lowered her arm thinking about the best way to talk about it.

"Could you just...you know what, wait a second'' Peach started but then decided to get up off the bed, turn the light on, and grab the chair from her work desk bringing it over to her bed. "Sit please" He did as he was asked and held her hand when she reached for it. "I, well, gosh I'm sorry" she choked then took a deep breath and then apologized, failing to find the right words.

"Peach, It's okay, take your time." He rubbed her hand once he got her attention at the sound of her name. "I'm not going anywhere" He promised, giving her hand a soft squeeze.

The Princess took his advice. Closing her eyes she took a few deep breaths and just focused on the feeling of Toadsworth rubbing her hand in gentle circular motions. It was a good five minutes of that as she collected her thoughts before she felt ready to speak. With one last deep breath, she started.

"I don't think I'm ready for all of this. I mean it's not that I don't love him" she said looking at the ring from the corner of her eye. "It's just... I guess I don't want him or anyone else to hate me for not putting the kingdom's best interest first you know?" She expressed it in the best way she could.

"I see your predicament my dear" Toadsworth said, taking time to process her concerns. "But, I want to remind you that when it comes to love, the kingdom should have nothing to do with it."

"Toadsworth, the relationships I have with people regardless if it's romantic or not has everything to do with my Kingdom and even others" she tried to get him to understand. "I already hear some people say you could get away with anything and I'd turn a blind eye" she gave a better example and couldn't help the little smile as he chuckled no doubt having heard the same thing.

There was nothing he could really think to say to convince her otherwise. He had a good feeling that her relationship with one particular person was the main cause of all these worries. Toadsworth had decided a long time ago that Peach would have to figure that one out on her own since no amount of talking would get her to see right.

"Never matter, if you're feeling all these doubts, perhaps you should talk to the Prince about waiting longer or if you really feel that it's not a good idea, just call it off all together. I'm sure he'd be more than understanding" Toadsworth offered.

"Do you really think that would work out well with him?" She asked him. The second question of what if he does the same thing as Bowser did? Went unasked because she couldn't even think about grouping those two together in that way.

"I don't see why it wouldn't but you won't know if you don't have the conversation" he said, letting go of her hand and standing up in the chair and widening his arms. Peach did the same and they embraced each other. "You should probably have it sooner rather than later unless you've changed your mind" He combed his fingers through her blonde locks.

"Yeah you're right" she nodded "sorry just a little longer" she held onto him tighter.

"Of course," he whispered, doing the same.

In the end no matter how many times she rehearsed the conversation with an imaginary Haru, nothing felt right and time was running out. Peach decided it would just be easier to communicate with him the way they always did. At least she didn't have to see the look on his face telling him she couldn't go through with it. Better yet she didn't have to worry about him trying to convince her to otherwise change her mind. After sending the letter and the ring off she got a response 24 hours before the wedding was set to start.

"I understand. I'll always be here for you"

That's all his letter said and she gave a sigh of relief that it was over. Later on that night, the feeling of relief turned into sadness that it was over. Peach once again laid awake in bed staring at the ceiling hoping her heart would heal quickly. There was no time to grieve she had a Kingdom to run and was more than happy to do it alone forever if she had too. All she needed was to know her toads were happy and safe. That's the mantra she kept telling herself to fall asleep. When that didn't work, she could only hope that things would be much easier should another person come along.

#Super Mario #Ayo Key be posting #This was almost 10k words lol idk how I wrote so much #I started this back in the beginning of March but man did a bunch of stuff happen then and I only had 3-4 lines for the longest 🫠#like March went on forever but April's already done how?!?!#Anyways made it through and finished this chapter last night actually but I was like y'know what I'm gonna play fortnite instead of posting #something about rushing to get these posted before I leave for work is fun lol 👌🏾#an attempt was made at writing some romance but Its not my specialty 🤭🤭#hehe maybe my Toadsworth stuff will carry as usual you guys love that stuff 🤣#Anyways no time to say anything else but have a good day everyone...enjoy reading

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