#MirdMusings

[clevermird]

It's always weird and awkward finding out that you've supported/promoted a person or project that you really shouldn't have. I don't typically feel guilt for having done so as I understand that I was acting in good faith with the information I had at the time

The question is more "what do I do about my endorsements?"

If I already told people to buy the book, I can delete the post where I said to buy the book, but I can't retroactively un-tell people to buy it. So I find myself stuck between "tell everyone that you changed your mind and why" (draws more attention to Thing and potentially starts drama if whatever issue made you withdraw your support was small-scale enough that the person/thing you endorsed will find out about it) and "just delete the posts where you tell people to do it and never mention it again" (feels vaguely deceptive and also doesn't warn off anyone who I previously told should support Thing)

[clevermird]

Having been in a LDR with (and now married to and living with) someone who lived in a city I’d never even heard of before we got together, I can personally attest the truth of this statement.

Pretend, for example, that you were born in Chicago and have never had the remotest desire to visit Hong Kong, which is only a name on a map for you; pretend that some convulsion, sometimes called accident, throws you into connection with a man or a woman who lives in Hong Kong; and that you fall in love. Hong Kong will immediately cease to be a name and become the center of your life. And you may never know how many people live in Hong Kong. But you will know that one man or one woman lives there without whom you cannot live. And this is how our lives are changed, and this is how we are redeemed.

What a journey this life is! Dependent, entirely, on things unseen. If your lover lives in Hong Kong and cannot get to Chicago, it will be necessary for you to go to Hong Kong. Perhaps you will spend your life there, and never see Chicago again. And you will, I assure you, as long as space and time divide you from anyone you love, discover a great deal about shipping routes, airlines, earth quake, famine, disease, and war. And you will always know what time it is in Hong Kong, for you love someone who lives there. And love will simply have no choice but to go into battle with space and time and, furthermore, to win.

—James Baldwin, The Price of the Ticket

[clevermird]

Which author should I binge when I finish with Robin McKinley?

Being low-key tempted to go with L.M. Montgomery, but I could be tempted into a lot of things. . .

[clevermird]

I bought some American Girl doll stuff on ebay and now the site keeps trying to sell me reborn baby dolls

[clevermird]

After having read several half million word fanfics on AO3, I think I understand the appeal that Dickens and Hugo had for their readers better.

[clevermird]

I saw this and decided to do just that!

Today has been a frustrating day with a nice end. Slept well last night for the first time in a while. I hate to say it because it sounds terrible, but I actually kinda enjoy the night or two every week that my husband has overnight shifts because he snores very loudly and I always wake up feeling far more rested when he's not there.

I woke up to a happy surprise (I have a job interview next week!) and a sad surprise (I need to call the unemployment office because there's some missing paperwork that could interfere with my ability to get said job if I don't turn it in). The people at the unemployment office are often rude and I don't speak the local language all that well, so my husband called for me and we waited on hold for 45 minutes. But it was worth it because it turns out that the issue will be easily sorted and that I should be recieving way more services from the unemployment agency than I have been, which felt very validating and I might even be getting money and/or access to education that I didn't have before very soon!

After that, I ate lunch (some brie and green apples on a french roll) and then Husband and I worked on building a shelf. We're trying to convert an underused hall closet into a pantry space and the shelving unit is the main feature of that.

After that we were hot and sweaty and tired and frustrated, so we decided to treat ourselves by taking a long walk in a local park and finishing off with milkshakes. Now we're back and I'm working on a drawing. Will probably start dinner soon (sausage and oven-roasted potatoes, nice and simple) and then maybe play Rogue Trader.

I love it when women on my dash post detailed accounts of their day. We are literally in the same room right now and you’re telling me about your day over a cup of iced coffee

[clevermird]

No matter how many times it happens, I'm still blown away when I finish a book I like and am just on a high for a few days. Like. Someone had an idea and told a story and now I read it and I can feel a little bit of the hype that they felt that made them go to the work of writing out a whole story.

[clevermird]

I'm really struggling with some end-of-life choices regarding a pet and what the future holds in that department. Would appriciate some prayers/well wishes/whatever you offer tonight.

[clevermird]

I had a very long day today and came home at 9pm quite hungry

Made myself some scrambled eggs in tortillas (a go-to quick meal). Not a huge amount.

I have now gone from "hungry" to "horrible stomach cramps"

I hope this isn't a portent for how the rest of the week is going to go.

[clevermird]

I'm basically a Wrack IRL

And that has given me a lot of thoughts about the covens and what being in one might be like.

Obviously, everything is horrific and bloody and filled with awful because, I mean, it's Commorragh. But beyond that, there's so many intricate details of what day-to-day life must be like.

How much do the Haemonculi care about reproducibility and accurate record keeping? I imagine some of them are just having fun and messing around, while others keep meticulous notes, but in intricate codes and always with bits left out so that nobody can copy what they do.

If it's anything like my experiences working in labs, there's probably a pack of younger Wracks who's entire job is to make stock solutions and order supplies and sterilize stuff. Although Drukhari probably have awesome autoclaves that work in like three minutes, so it's probably a way less taxing task.

Do they have lab meetings? It feels a little rediculous to imagine a bunch of dark eldar sitting around a conference table with coffee and pasteries, but I imagine some kind of function has to exist so that the Haemonculus can keep up to date on the results of smaller projects.

Do they have assigned benches or work areas? I can't imagine trying to do anything if you have to grab a new space every time you start work but this is Commorragh we're talking about. Logic and efficiency take back seat to making everything as awful as possible.

There's no real point to any of this rambling, just getting out a bunch of thoughts that have been rolling around in my head this week.

[clevermird]

occasionally, there are messages that I get, read the first line, and immidiately decide that I am too sober for this

[clevermird]

one of the annoying things about home decorating is how so many things are not made in many different varieties/aesthetics So you have to either break the vibes or live without a bath mat, or an office trash can, or whatever the need of the day is

[clevermird]

I have a few friends (both real-life and internet) for various fandoms and interests that I can send stupid posts to in order to go “look a this. Isn’t this stupid?”

Helps a lot to avoid getting into pointless drama, even if the temptation is really strong sometimes.

The proverb is good, too

Whenever I get tempted to engage with fandom drama, or stir the pot just to upset some people who annoy me, I catch myself and remember a supposedly African proverb I was once told.

It roughly translates to:

"if a madman steals your clothes... just let him go. For if you chase after him naked, no one will be able to tell who is the madman between the two of you."

I repeat this to myself like a mantra.

Sometimes, it even works.

[clevermird]

I've gotten on one of my sporadic fits of desire to have a very clean house instead of the usual "it's okay as long as you don't look too close" and it's very cathartic to get dust out of corners and junk out of drawers.

I'm always surprised, though, how many places that dirt finds to accumulate

[clevermird]

Something I've noticed over the years

It's a. . . yellow flag, I guess, if someone makes you feel inordinately pressured to respond to them (phone calls, social media posts, texts, etc) in relation to the level of pressure you normally feel about this, regardless of if they actually are expressing that to you or no.

What I mean is that, while it escalates to a red flag if the person is actually demanding you get back to them on their schedule ("I don't care if you were sick, you should have responded to my ask anyway!"), if you find yourself doing things like avoiding setting your discord status to online because you fear a particular induvidual will judge you for not responding to their DM, or trying to come up with a "valid" excuse for taking twelve hours to respond to a non-emergency text, even if the person has never expressed that these are things they expect of you, then you need to sit down and think about your relationship. Why do you feel this way about them?

It's possible that this is just someone you really want to impress or that your brain is keying into this person specifically for insecurity for no reason, but it's equally possible that they are giving off subtle signals that they feel entitled to your time and attention and your brain is responding to that.

[clevermird]

A moment of appriciation for my husband, who understands that as someone who is on the spectrum, I often feel more comfortable communicating in writing than with my voice and is okay with having a lot of conversations via discord when I'm stressed or it requires careful wording