#Mic plunges all in to having a wife he is a wife man from the word go

[that-guy-sleepy-miles]

Local Man Loves His Fake Wife Too Much

[First Post]

I just wanted to draw them being goobers, to be honest. A lot of people liked the TMFoAS concept and I'm going to figure out how to create something for it, so here's some Zukyo and Mic because he's smitten for his fake wife who is also his best friend in disguise (who he is also smitten for).

[thedreammweaver]

Staring at the Abyss (Gotham New Orleans, Dork Squad, Hattercrow)

Warnings: hypnosis induced suicidal urges, marital issues mention

Bruce sighed. He wished he and Selina hadn’t fought before she went out of town. She said they needed a break, what the hell did that mean?? Bruce was not in the mood to play sociable Bruce Wayne that night but the mayor was holding a gala.

He wasn’t used to having no one to dance with, he could usually convince Selina to come to these things. He knew Alfred would scold him for sulking in the corner if he was there to see it. Bruce’s attention was pulled away from his thoughts by a man stepping in front of him. “You look lonely over here, would you care to dance?” He asked offering his hand. Bruce was confused he didn’t see himself as approachable at the moment. The man before him had black dreads and his skin tone was very similar Bruce’s though it was a warmer brown. Bruce hesitated for a moment before accepting the man’s gloved hand. As they got over to the dance floor the man was already leading Bruce in a waltz, an old one was playing, echoing through the extravagant ballroom. Bruce felt himself blush as the man’s hand settled on his waist. Usually he’d be making polite conversation but the silence between them felt..comfortable. Bruce was about to ask for the other man’s name when he heard someone scream. At the podium on a large stage area in the room were the Riddler, the Scarecrow, and the Mad Hatter. The music was still going but the dancing had stopped. The man Bruce had been dancing with moved in front of him protectively. “Hellooo, gotham elites,” Ed said into the mic, leaning on the podium “Since you all came out for a good time tonight I thought we’d play a game. I’m going to give you a riddle and if none of you can solve it in 60 seconds you’re gonna spend the rest of your night feeling very very afraid.” He said gesturing to the vents which were set to pump out fear toxin at Jonathan’s command. “Is everyone ready?” Ed didn’t wait for a response “Alrighty then. If you drop me I’m sure to crack, but give me a smile and I’ll always smile back. What am I?”

Total silence fell over the room as everyone was plunged into panicked thought. After a few seconds the man Bruce had been dancing with spoke up “A mirror.”

“That’s...correct..” Ed said, angrily “Well, I guess we-��

“Wait.” Jervis interrupted Ed. Taking his hat off Jervis threw it like a frisbee at a stack of filled champagne glasses beside Bruce and the man. The hat came back to Jervis and he put it back on nonchalantly as champagne and glass came splashing down on Bruce and the man beside him. Bruce watched in horror as the black of the man’s dreads gave way to green and the makeup on his face started running, revealing bright white skin and red lips underneath. “I don’t think it counts if the person who solved your riddle was there at the meeting where we planned this endeavor.” Jervis pointed out to Ed. Bruce backed away from Joker who was looking at him like a kicked puppy “What? You only like me when I get all dolled up for you??” He was no longer putting on a normal voice “You’re reinforcing some really toxic standards there, pal.” Joker laughed. Ed rolled their eyes “Anyways...I think for cheating you folks should get what’s coming to you.” Ed moved over so Jon could come up to the mic “Ladies, gentlemen, and otherwise...start your screaming.” Green gas poured into the room from the vents, and the screaming did indeed start.

“Where’s the other one?” Jim asked one of the cops on the scene. Ed was unconscious in the back of one of the squad cars and Batman was currently fighting Jonathan, things looking to be in the Bat’s favour. Jervis had disappeared. The cop shrugged. Jim rolled his eyes and went back into the building, all of the terrified citizens had been cleared out so Jervis should be relatively easy to find.

Jim had been walking around for a bit, his gun in hand, when he heard someone calling from help from one of the stairwells. He entered the space, the heavy door slamming shut behind him. “Who’s there?” He asked. The voice calling for help sounded like a woman’s. “Oh, thank god.. when everyone was trying to get out I-I got trampled and I can’t get up.”

Jim was mostly convinced as human crushes and trampling had happened because of Jon’s fear toxin before “Alright...I’m gonna go get some help for you just stay put.”

“Could you do something for me before you go?”

“What is it?”

“Open your ears.”

Jim froze as a stinging sensation seized his temples. Jervis came out from behind the corner at the top of the first set of stairs. “Impressive voice work, huh? I’ve been practicing.” Jervis said, he hadn’t tried too hard as there were some naturally feminine sounding parts to his voice. He came down the stairs “You know the drill, commissioner. Ignore the pain in your head, don’t move, don’t speak, and just listen.”

Jervis casually took the gun from Jim’s hand and threw it down the stairs leading to the basement. “How’s your wife?” He asked circling around Jim “Everyone knows the answer to that is not good. I wonder, do you still pretend and say she’s fine for old time’s sake?” He taunted. Jim felt ill as Jervis came up behind him, getting close to his ear. His quick words sounded like hissing, his giggles ringing in Jim’s ears. Jim couldn’t hear any of the whispers but absorbed every syllable, it felt like a snake was pumping venom into his head. It was vertigo inducing but Jim couldn’t will himself to move. The humming in his head started to become clear again as Jervis stopped to take a breath and got to the point. “I don’t think I could stand spending every night next to a big fat miserable depressing, and by your drinking habits I’m gonna guess flaccid, failure like you. You should go up to the roof and jump off before she does the same to get away from you. You owe Barbara that...at least.” Jervis finished before leaving.

As Jervis came out of the building he saw Batman dragging Jon to one of the cop cars, Jervis whistled at him also getting the attention of the cops “I think your friend is going to be a big mess on the pavement soon.” He said, his curls bouncing as he descended the front steps and pointed to the roof which Jim was walking across. Batman and the cops immediately ran for the building, leaving Jon and Jervis outside. Jervis went over to help Jonathan up and dust him off. “Impressive.” Jon said as he watched Batman and some of the cops pulling Jim away from the edge, he was resisting a lot. Jervis linked arms with Jon and started leading him away but Jon stopped “What about Ed?”

The sound of horse’s hooves could be heard down the street as Oswald’s carriage came down the road.

“What about him?” Jervis smirked as he and Jon continued to walk, satisfied with themselves.

“Master Wayne, are you coming out of the bath any time soon?” Alfred asked from outside the bathroom door.

“No.” Bruce answered, sinking lower into the bubbles.

“It’s been five hours.”

“I can still feel Joker’s hands on my- I’ll come out when I feel clean!”

Alfred shook his head, deciding that he and Dick would go ahead with dinner by themselves.

[fereality-indy]

Revenant Falls

I don’t really know how this all started, I mean I can tell you how our bit pf the story happened but not how the whole story started. I mean it could have been a lab accident, a miscast spell (not me this time), or even a sick cdc agent who went missing. Who knows.

As for us well it was our fifth summer here and we were staying at the Shack with Soos, Melody, and lil Mía. Abuelita was spending the summer with family in Florida. Stan and Ford were due back sometime after our second week but they were delayed, something to do with a customs hassle at their last port of call. I was ok with it though as it gave me more time with Wendy. Her dad was working at his brother’s site upstate and had taken the boys with him, so she was home alone this summer.

We finally decided last year to go ahead and take the plunge and started dating. Heck most of Gravity Falls had thought that already were. According to some they already had wedding gifts bought for us, just waiting for the date to happen. Mabel and Tambry kept playing Ro-sham-bo for the privilege of being Wendy’s maid of honor everytime the whole group got together.

And just cause I was spending so much time with Wendy, that didn’t mean that Mabel was left lonely. Nope. She spent time with her girls; Candy, Grenda, and particularly Pacifica. That one was a surprise. Not that they hung out, they had become great friends during our second summer in Gravity Falls. No the surprise happened during one of the gangs parties last year, during a game of truth or dare, Robbie dared Pacifica to kiss Mabel. Now I knew that Mabel had come out as Pan and that she thought Paz was cute, but apparently Robbie had known that Pacifica had a crush on Mabel and in his own way decided to try to pay Mabel back for setting him up with Tambry. In his defense it worked like a charm. The two of them begged out of the next round so they could talk. And the rest is history as they say.

Every once in awhile the four of us would go out exploring, visiting Multibear and what not. It had adopted Several Timez after finding them foraging in the woods after Weirdmageddon. They all helped each other expand their taste in music and two of them (Mabel could tell you which but not me) even joined the Gravity Falls workforce. One became a dispatcher for the Sheriff’s office and the other got hired on by Thompson to run the projector at the theater.

But during the week that this all started Candy had went with Grenda to visit Marius (yeah, I’m surprised that they were still together myself) and so Mabel was spending most of her free time with either Pacifica or doting on lil Mía like a good godmother should (oh yeah I forgot to mention that, Mabel and I are lil Mía’s godparents). But where was I, oh yeah. We were alone in the Shack and I was running the last tour cause Soos and family had driven up to Portland that Friday for Melody’s mother’s birthday. I wish we knew what happened to them, but I digress. Right now it really won’t help us much.

Like I was saying, I had finished up giving the last tour and Wendy was cashing out the suckers’ (as Grunkle Stan calls them) purchases while Mabel was discreetly showing them the door. She had a date with Pacifica and she was ready to leave. After we shuffled the last customer out Mabel was already on her phone talking to Paz.

I was locking up when I heard one of the tourists say ‘Look honey, one of the animatronics got loose.’ Looking out the door I saw one of the gnomes coming towards the Shack. Yeah Soos hired some of the Gnomes to act as animatronics during the tours to help ‘Make the display look more lifelike.’ And he pays them a pie a week for each working gnome, it’s a good deal all around (Geoff makes sure to get his cut of one slice out of each pie earned even though he doesn’t work any shifts). But the thing is the gnomes we had working today left right after the tour finished in their area. Well that and this gnome was coming from towards town. As I got a better look at it I saw it wasn’t one of Soos’s regular crew. I think this one was named Carson or was it Henry.

I walked outside as the tourist started to head for the gnome saying ‘I’ll get and take it back into the giftshop.” As I headed over to the gnome myself I got an even better look at Alan or was it Jeremiah, I saw that it’s complexion had soured. I tried stopping the tourist before he got to Kevin, Ezekiel, well whatever it’s name was but I was too late. As he had bent down he said “Honey it looks like this one was damaged, it’s leaking fluid… AAAAGGGGHHHH!”

The former gnome had taken the opportunity and took a giant (well for a gnome at least) chunk out of the man’s hand. As the guy pulled back the gnome scurried forward and climbed up his clothing before going for his jugular. I quickly hurried back towards the Shack and tried to bring his wife with me but she rushed forward to try and help her husband. I heard her screams as his died out. Locking the door I told the girls what had happened and to make sure the doors were locked tight. Well that and assured them that it was not my fault as I no longer had access to that spell anymore.

I then ran into the Shack’s office to grab the wireless microphone for the outdoor PA system. As I reached into the drawer where Soos kept it I came upon one of Grunkle Stans pistols, I grabbed it just to be safe. After going hunting with Wendy’s family a couple of times last year, I know how to use a gun but I really hoped I wouldn’t have to.

I met Wendy and Mabel back in the gift shop and after a quick debate over everyone’s taste in music we settled on a jingle from tv ad that we all were certain we knew. We gathered around the mic and harmonized perfectly. All it did was attract the, well, zombies towards the speaker on the totem pole. We belted out the song and tried a couple others and still there was no change in the now three zombies. Finally we gave up. I asked the girls to stay inside and I stepped out with the pistol pulled out. The two former tourists were quick to take out but the gnome was harder due to his size. He was only five feet away from me when I finally tagged him.

After Wendy let me back in we locked the doors and headed into the living room where Mabel had turned on the tv. After we watched the breaking news story it was apparent that whatever had attacked Rico, oh hell, the gnome had done it somewhere in town. There was already panic in the streets as people were being bitten and converted. Mabel was already on her phone checking back in with Pacifica. She gasped right in the middle of her conversation and I turned to see what had caused it. Right in the middle of the gang of ghouls was Preston Northwest. I really should have felt remorse for him, but to be honest I felt it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy,

While Mabel talked to Pacifica, Wendy and I rushed around the Shack gathering up supplies. After the Weirdmageddon incident Mabel and I began making ‘bug-out bags’. I currently have two here in the Shack, one out in the compartment where I found the journal, one stashed with Multibear, and we all have one down in the Blind Eye room at the museum. I also found seven more of Stan’s guns plus some ammo. I tossed a baseball bat and a shovel into a gunny sack I found in the office and met back up with the girls. Wendy had gathered up a collection of can goods and her bag she had here, while Mabel had two bags of her own.

Mabel Said that Pacifica barricaded herself in her room at her parent’s ranch house and was packing a second bag of her own. We headed out and remembered that Wendy had rode her bike to work today. So Wendy grabbed the keys from the corpse of the zombie and we took their SUV. While Wendy drove I called the phone I had left with Multibear in case something happened to one of Several Timez. One of the band answered and handed off the phone to Multi, I warned him about what was going down and told him to be leary of any of the Band that may have been in town.

Next I started calling the gang. Tambry was at Robbie’s so that was a two for one call. They had been listening to some music when her phone started going crazy. At first they thought it was a joke until her Bumbl feed starting sharing stories of zombie encounters. I told her to warn Robbie that the three piece harmony defense I told him about after spotting one of the old style zombies trying to escape their graveyard after Weirdmageddon.

I didn’t reach Thompson and when I called Nate I found out that he had left his phone at home when his mother answered it. She said that as far as she knows he was with Lee & Thompson at the theater. After I tried to convince her of what’s happening but she just thought it was some kind of hoax. Calling Lee and the theater got no results.

Wendy had skirted around the outer edge of town on our way to pick up Pacifica. We pulled onto the grounds of the house and it was eerie. Normally there is some type of sound coming from the house. I stayed with the SUV while the girls went in to get Pacifica, Wendy went prepared taking not only her ax but one of the pistols. She also handed Mabel the baseball bat. From what they told me the house was trashed. Mabel said they found Fredricks, the Northwest’s only remaining in house servant, in the kitchen crouched over the remains of Priscilla. Mabel froze seeing the once gentle butler munching on his former boss. Wendy went to act but Mabel stopped her and walked up to the former butler and swung her bat straight down on his head. After he was done moving Wendy said she had to hold Mabel for a bit to calm her down.

While they were inside I was still outside trying to figure out why (besides the whole zombie outbreak) the quiet was bothering me. I looked around the property till I saw what it was, the stables. There was usually some type of noise coming from the stables when we visited Pacifica in the past. I was torn, I knew I needed to stay with the vehicle for when the girls got back but I was curious. It would only take me a moment.

I grabbed the shotgun and headed towards the stables. As I neared the doors I saw that one was pushed inwards, almost broken down. And then I finally heard some noise. Cautiously I peered through the open door and I saw it. Standing outside of the stall was one of the manotaurs, Beardy, and he had a big chunk torn out of his side. And it appeared as if he had just finished eating Pacifica’s horse, Cappuccino. I apparently gasped or something as he turned towards me and began to charge. I barely had time to bring the shotgun up and fire. Whoever loaded the chambers of this thing did not load buckshot. It was a slug shot and when it hit, it certainly did it’s job. Beardy dropped like a puppet whose strings were cut.

During the time I took to check the barn the girls had convinced Pacifica to let them into her room and once she saw the state of Mabel’s clothes she knew something had happened to the other’s in her house. For some reason (I believe it was in an attempt to have some type of normalcy) she insisted that Mabel change out of her bloody sweater. She had just finished when they heard the shot. Pacifica grabbed her stuff and they rushed out (Wendy guiding them away from the kitchen to spare Pacifica from seeing her mother). We all made it back to the SUV at about the same time. After they saw that I was ok and I explained what had happened, Wendy volunteered to go back inside to grab any non perishables that the house had in case we needed them. Pacifica also told her that her father had a satellite phone in his office incase of a power outage or phone line problems.

Once she was back with us we discussed where we were going to try to hold up for the night. We thought about heading back to the Shack and even staying here for the night but decided against either as the bodies at both locations may draw straggler zombies towards us. Finally it was a call from Lee that set our course of action.

Apparently a group of bikers from the Fractured Skull had tried taking up refuge in the theater and when Thompson attempted to stop them they threw him and Nate out into the arms of the oncoming horde. Lee was currently hiding out on the roof of the theater scared out of his mind. We told him to keep his phone on silent and to be ready to run once we called him. We planned to drive as close to the theater and try to get Lee out of there. From there the thought process was to try and find some sort of gated property for the night.

We made it into town with little hassle thanks to Wendy knowing the town like the back of her hand. As we got closer we saw that while the front of the theater had zombies milling about, the alleyway looked clear. I dialed up Lee and told him to head to the back of the roof and to look out for a blue SUV. As we pulled up I saw him hanging from the edge of the roof. Thanks to his lanky frame and the dumpster under him, he didn’t have that far to fall. He had made enough noise though that I climbed out of the SUV with one of the pistols drawn as Mabel and Pacifica helped him into the vehicle. The soft spoken giant was visibly shaken up over everything that he had seen in this short time. As I was heading back to the SUV the theater’s emergency exit opened and one of the bikers (he actually looked like one of Gideon’s old henchmen that had stayed in town after they got their pardon for their help during Weirdmageddon) had came through the door. Upon seeing us said something about stealing the SUV and getting out of town. I was hit by a thrown bottle as I started to climb into the vehicle. Wendy grabbed me and peeled out.

She ended up heading back out of town and pulled into the first place with a tall fence and a strong gate, Gleeful’s Auto Lot. It was Sunday so while Pacifica and Lee checked my head (still hurt like a dickens, apparently the bottle first connected lip first before rotating and finished hitting me so I had small gash near the base of my skull in the hairline), Mabel picked the lock on the chain holding the gate closed. After we were in the lot we closed up the gate and chained the lock on the inside. We pulled the SUV into the bay were bud has his mechanic (Ghosteyes usually) whatever minor work needed to be done to protect him from the town’s lemon law. In the office we found the keys to the rest of the vehicles on the lot and moved a panel van in front of the gate. That and the barbed wire on top should make it harder for the zombies to get in.

We set up camp inside of the office and mechanic’s bay and took inventory of out situation. We had the eight guns (three rifles, three revolvers, a semi auto pistol, & the shotgun), about a box of ammo for each, the baseball bat (Mabel had washed it after Fredricks I guess as it looked fairly clean), the shovel, a couple of weeks worth of canned goods (more if we ration), another two to three days worth in our bug out bags, Mabel’s grappling hook, Wendy’s ax, another hatchet she had in her bag, a hand crossbow (another of Wendy’s items with fifty bolts), two magnet guns, six flashlights (two with growth/shrink crystals, but I don’t see how they will help against the zombies. The only thing a shrunk zombie will be is harder to hit), approximately three outfits each (except for Lee), bandages (one of which is adorning the gash on my head), three machetes, a bowie knife, a stun gun (the only weapon Preston would buy Pacifica to defend herself), a large pocket knife (with a silver inlay in the blade that Pacifica bought herself last year after the werewolf transfer student incident), and thanks to the vending machines Bud had on the lot we now have cola and candy. There was more incidental items (like matches, toiletries, water filtration, etc) but this was the important stuff.

After the inventory check and a call to check on Robbie and Tambry (and to let them know about Nate and Thompson), Wendy and I walked the perimeter to look for any weak links in the fencing. It also gave us a chance to be there for each other and make sure we were not in shock over the days events. While walking the back fence we found out that Bud had installed a fifty gallon gas pump. We filled up a couple five gallon cans he had on site and topped off the tank in the SUV.

I decided to take the first watch and let the others sleep (I’m a night owl anyways). Wendy stayed up with me for about a half hour and we comforted each other. I took another walk around the perimeter after she went to lay down. About a hour later I started working on this journal entry. Till tomorrow.

Dipper Pines

June 18th, 2017 The first day of the zombie apocalypse.

With that Dipper closed the blue journal he had been writing in and stood up. he had been at this for a bit and it probably would be best if he did another perimeter search before he went and woke up Mabel for her shift. He had already let her sleep an extra hour more than was planned. ==================================

Well hello there, welcome to Revenent Falls. This is my take what would happen to the Gravity Falls crew if there were a zombie outbreak. And as we have seen these are not the same type of zombies that the Pines family have dealt with in the past. But after surviving Weirdmageddon and instances that have happened since then (it is Gravity Falls) the Twins and their friends are a little more hardened to the towns supernatural weirdness.

My story is set five years post Weirdmageddon. if you want to read a great take on what would have happened if the zombie apocalypse happened before ‘Not What He Seems’, I suggest you check out Dead Falls by @samuel-sadi. it is an excellent story and I highly recommend it.

Also remember to check out my other Gravity Falls works: Gravity Heroes - A few months after the Mystery Twins head home from Gravity Falls Mabel receives a call from Soos telling her that Dipper was found turned to stone out in the woods. The problem is that Dipper is standing next to her when she received the call. This leads them off to a new adventure. Gravity Heroes: Sidetracks - A series on one shots & drabbels that are stories that are in the Gravity Heroes-verse but aren’t necessarily required to read the main story-line. It’s essentially my take on the classic Marvel Comics Presents. Valor Force - During his time on the other side of the portal Ford encountered several people. One was name Zordon who shared scientific knowledge with him. After the defeat of Bill and seeing exactly what McGuket was capable of, Ford decided to use what he learned to create his own team. In 2016 a new threat arises and following Zordon’s advice Ford recruitsa team of ‘Teenagers With Attitude’ to create the Valor Force Rangers. Welcome To The Gravity Falls Region - My take on the Pokemon AU. Follow the adventures of the potential Pokemon Master Dipper Pines and his sister Mabel, Pokemon Coordinator extraordinaire, while they travel through the Gravity Falls Region. On hiatus. The Curse - Thanks to a misunderstanding Wendy is targeted by a fairy curse. This is a short story following what happens afterwards. Chapter 2 coming soon. Wrasslin Wendy - After Wendy’s brothers learn that Dipper’s Godfather is a former pro wrestler and beg him to introduce them. A few years later Wendy and her brothers are now working for Global Championship Wrasslin. that’s where our story begins. Camping With The Corduroys - Two quick little journal entries Dipper writes after he gets invited to go camping with his girlfriend’s family. The Geek Gets The Girl - The Friday after their 21st birthday (a party he had to miss thanks to an early starting college course), Mabel drags Dipper to a local bar where it appears her girlfriend Pacifica may have been trying to set him up with a blind date. Songfic without being a songfic (Follows the title and premise of the song without any of the lyrics) Fereality’s Gravity Falls Short Stories - My collection of shorts and drabbles that don’t fit anywhere else in my writings. Usually either Wendip or Mabcifica stories

Baby It’s Cold Outside - Wendip songfic written for the 2017 holiday season. Opposites Attract - Mabcifica songfic written to get the song out of my head.

I also would feel honored if any of my works inspire any art. If the do I would love to see them. Thanks again to all who have read this far. I’m happy to see different interpretations of the characters from the GH AU. Let me know by PM if you do and I’ll send out a list of the full descriptions to you. The art is now up at fereality.deviantart.com/ .

Again I’d like to give a shout out to @fullmetalkhaos, @geekngroom, @nautiscarader, @dusk4224, @mrdaxxonford, @castleoffiction-tokumoron, @stansmanhands, @silversoul596, @samuel-sadi, EZB, SuperGroverAway, ddp456, & A Pleasant Dream. Please check out their stories if you haven’t already.

Please review, I do read everyone. I’m always open to constructive and helpful criticism, though if you’re gonna troll please move on.

[xpwewarchive]

XPWEW Friday Night Pyro (1-3-2020)

XPWEW Friday Night Pyro

January 3rd, 2020

Houston, Texas in The Fertitta Center

*Show intro*

Golden Bryce enters the ring to a pretty good pop, he’s popular here as the New International Champion (instant replay shows how he defeated Slayer for it last week at the 2019 Xtremey Awards edition of Pyro)

Golden Bryce enters the ring with microphone in hand and hyped up the Houston crowd to his dismay he is interrupted by The XPWEW World Champ Champagne Clausen who enters wearing Louis Vuitton red bottom shoes and a canary suit, looks pretty G I’ll admit it.

-Champagne says Golden Bryce is just like Deshaun Watson of the Houston Texans, *crowd boos* Unproven and Overrated. *crowd boos*

And as a man from upstate New York, myself I am very excited to see my Buffalo Bills beat you guys tomorrow ha ha ha *crowd boos* BILLS MAFIA!

Golden Bryce smiles and nods “Champagne if I’m the Houston Texans then maybe you are the Buffalo Bills, maybe that’s applicable because just like Bill Mafia I think you’d look a hell of a lot better going through a table *crowd cheers*

Champagne “HA HA HA! Yeah Houston laugh it up, yeah look at you Bryce so pathetic, clinging on with sports jokes, timely references to draw the ire of this crowd here. Truth is nobody likes you and everyone here is tired of you and I know we haven’t been properly introduced but I’ll do that now. I’m Champagne Clausen. I’m YOUR world champion. I’m (SHUT UP!) I’m Houston’s world champion and I am not scared of your challenge. As a matter of fact I endorse it. I’ve beaten Masato Tanaka twice on pay-per-view! Okay I beat the lovable moron Freight Train last week, I even did something you didn’t Bryce (heh) I actually beat Jake Awesome. (Crowd ooos)

Bryce: “So what’s the deal are we doing a Tables match?” (Crowd pops)

Champagne “On God. On Bills Mafia as my witness...You’re damn right” (Champagne cheers his world title with Bryce’s I-N title around his waist) *walks away*

-Ethan Bedlam already in the ring, loosening up and hyping himself up

Garrett Thompson enters

M1: (((Squash Match)))

Garrett Thompson defeats Ethan Bedlam

After the match: All Man comes out with All Woman and goes to speak towards GT but Scott Steiner jerks the mic right out of his hand *Big Pop*

Scott Steiner: “Houston! We have a problem that crumpet and tea drinking big bastard wants a piece of the biggest arms in the world! Ha I’ll break your back you goof!

((Garrett yelling obscenities))

Steiner continued: “All my freaks here wanna see the Big Bad Booty Daddy put a beatdown on some punk that’s why you better find a partner or else get slumped by me and the All man, or just fold like a b**ch (crowd pops)

GG enters and starts punching All Man and Scott Steiner and GT runs up to the ramp and we have an impromptu 2 on 2 right now

M2: Tag Team Match

GT & GG defeat Scott Steiner & All Man w/ All Woman

The match ends when GT hits Steiner with the elbow smash to which GG hits his finisher “The Plunge” off the top rope for the 1-2-3 - All Woman was just a little too slow to break up the count and the tag division might just have a new team in GT & GG (Quite odd bedfellows)

Backstage: James Westerbeck is here for an interview with John Oliver and John just says he’s happy to be here on Friday Night Pyro and since doing his segment on professional wrestling on his show “Last Week Tonight” a few months ago he’s become obsessed with the culture and it’s just a thank you fest until women’s Champ Amy Lee enters with Brian Lee behind her (silent). Amy says she doesn’t like when people who aren’t wrestlers get involved in her business. Oliver makes a quick wit joke “I don’t like when people who aren’t talented at communication get involved in the act” *crowd oohs*

Amy: “Are you calling me stupid? I could break your little ass in half boy”

Lola Starr enters “John, I love your show I watch it every week. I respect your open minded opinions”!

Amy towards Lola: “What the hell do you think your doing freak!”

Lola Starr: “I’m stepping up and ive been here for months and I’ve yet to be given opportunity, being showcased. It’s like I got signed because of the headline. Yes. I’m trans and yes I identify as a woman and yes I am going to challenge you for that title. Tonight.

Amy (looks at Brian Lee)....You got it, let’s see what you goin. (Amy looks at John Oliver and gives him a huge dramatic pull in sloppy kiss).....

Leonard, Dragon and Ms. Ryu enter

Joe Gacy, Brodie Croyle & Kiera Hogan enter

M3: Non Title Match

Leonard McGraw & Dragon Kid (c) vs The Plagueground w/ Kiera Hogan

(((ENDS IN NO CONTEST)))

Match abruptly ends when 3M Ultra comes out and attacks Croyle and Gacy for revenge on them injuring his partner M3 Quintillo last week, He beats them both down with his XTREMEY award and at the climax breaks it over Kiera Hogan’s skull (rough spot)

3M Ultra angrily grabs the mic and says last week my partner was decimated for absolutely no reason by these a**h****s and then the damn company that I bust my ass for gave me that trophy! Really? “The WOAT award” Is this a joke? Get that camera up close I will be taking seriously

Leonard McGraw stances up “Son, do you wanna be taking seriously?”

3M Ultra “Hell Yes!”((Leonard McGraw decks him with a buckshot clothesline) crowd pops huge

McGraw: “I don’t give a damn if it’s Plagueground, The Larva, GT, GG, All Man, All Woman, Kiera Hogan, Hulk Hogan I’m fixin’ to whoop some ass and I’ll do it on anybody who wants smoke. And I got two words for every son of a bitch in the back F*** You

(((McGraw does the hook’em horns and the Houston crowd pops huge)))

Backstage: Doxy Deity is talking sweet and cute-like with Jordan Oliver until Ruckus, Siaka & Chrissy Rivera Walk up

Ruckus “I ain’t tryna buss on ya but bitches really just waste your time pimp”

Doxy “who the f*** you calling a bitch, m*****f*****?”

Ruckus: Hoe don’t give me no nut roll

Jordan: Ruckus bro don’t man it ain’t necessary for all this beef right now

Ruckus: Nigga I’m trying to win titles ok and if we gonna be a team I need to make sure you got Noooooooo distractions and Dox, I, I, I, I respect you, you know what I’m saying but my boy here is young, he dumb and he over this (crowd laughs). Listen pimp I don’t care what y’all do, I might even get Chrissy to watch, shit but I wanna win gold and if you ain’t trying to do that, Then I might have to dip and go solo and get mines cause best believe Ima get mines.....

Rosemary walks by McGraw and Dragon Kid quickly and comes to the aid of Kiera Hogan her just got blasted in the head by 3M Ultra with his “WOAT” Xtremey Award..

Slayer enters

Dramatic pause between entrances because the crowd knows this is CJ’s final match

))((Chris Johnson Career Retrospective Video Plays))((

Chris Johnson enters the ring; one final time to his old theme song “Stay Fly by Three 6ix Mafia”

Chris Johnson’s wife Erin Brown aka Misty Mundae is in the front row of the ramp way and he kisses her forehead during his entrance

Retirement Match

M4: Slayer w/ Rosemary & Kiera Hogan defeats Chris Johnson

After the match and the loss the crowd pops for Chris Johnson

((THANK YOU CJ *clap clap clap clap*))

Chris Johnson grabs the mic: No complaints about the match, No complaints about this crowd, No complaints, No excuses. Wherever we were, Whatever I did. I always left my blood and sweat on this canvas and I’m not gone, I’ll be around but this is my final night as an in-ring competitior and...

***lights go purple***

LOTUS enters

((Lotus walks into the ring and Chris Johnson looks around, perplexed and confused.))

((Lotus kicks Chris Johnson square in the groin))

{{Crowd oddly pops for it though, Houston is weird}}

LOTUS unmasks

Nick Simmonds on commentary : “ Katie, that’s. Wait that’s..that’s Slayer’s daughter Hazel! What the world!

Kaitlyn Khaos on commentary: “Nick, Hazel has a very very odd past with Chris Johnson”

Lotus looks at a downed Chris Johnson “Do you remember me!!!! The anguish and abuse you put me thorough!!! You tried to take me away from my family. You son of a bitch I’ve waited a long time to do this!!!”

((Slayer beaten up and Rosemary looking on from the corner of the ring))

LOTUS goes outside and grabs a steel chair and beats Chris Johnson with the steel chair over and over again repeatedly until eventually even Slayer and Rosemary try to get her to stop and LOTUS looks at Slayer and Rosemary then just whams Chris Johnson with the chair really hard one more time. *Crowd stunned*

Chris Johnson is lifeless in the ring

LOTUS exits slowly by herself and then walks by Erin Brown (the wife of Chris Johnson). Drags her over the guardrail and starts pulling her hair and kicking her until Arena security gets involved and pulls LOTUS away kicking and screaming.

Advertisement: Golden Bryce and Dr. Disrespect “What is Twitch” commercial #2

HBO’s Last Week Tonight set up is put together pretty accurately in the ring

John Oliver enters

In ring segment: Welcome to Last Pyro, Tonight with John Oliver. Please welcome tonight’s guest the xpwew world champion Champagne Clausen

Oliver makes jokes at Champagne’s expense

Compares the vegetation of his father to the Brexit events

Regina Clausen is really the Ivanka Trump of XPWEW, because she’s talentless, has done nothing to earn her position, Only in said position because her father gave it to her and at times it looked like he wanted to have sex with her (crowd groans)

John Oliver runs down the numbers between Champagne’s 22-0 streak vs Jacques 89-0 streak.

John Oliver shows much sympathy for how the story of Freight Train has been one of hope and disaster

After sitting there for the most part taking in all of these insults Champagne sits up in his chair and Says

Champagne: “John I like you. I even like your show well I guess used to. I always start John Stewart did it better (crowd groans). John you come out here and mock my father, my sister. I don’t even care. They didn’t win this title for me. I wasn’t handed anything lest I remind you I worked very hard for the past 5 years to get to this level, to this stage. Hell, to even be in a monstrosity of a segment with someone like you John. And my answer is I don’t care. None of your jokes phase me. My dad is a vegetable. Yea. I drove my sister off the stage inside of a Pope mobile. I did that. John I’m not like a politician who will look you in the face and lie. I did these things. I’m glad my dad is in a coma. I’m happy my sister is damn near handicapped somewhere. And I’m freakin’ ecstatic that Freight Train’s Cinderella story last week came to a screeching hault.

John Oliver (was that pun intended?)

Golden Bryce enters

(Stage hands clear the Last Week Tonight set quickly but leave John Oliver’s table in the ring, this table match is gonna start

World Champ vs International Champ

Tables Match

M5: Champagne Clausen defeats Golden Bryce

(((John Oliver got mildly involved in the match but he didn’t take a bump, just ran away)))

The match ends when both men our on the top rope and Bryce was sizing up Champagne for the Super-Plex off the top rope and Champagne had the resilience to reverse it, slide down Bryce’s back and hoist him backward for the Electric Chair drop through the table and your winner Champagne Clausen!!!!

Champagne Clausen rolls out of the ring with ease and pushes over the John Oliver “Last Week Tonight” screen monitor then holds him world title up walking up the ramp as the show ends...

[excxt]

they can’t hear us- part three.

“Who do you guys think is hotter, Anne Hathaway or Rachel McAdams?”

 Oliver scrolled down a page of Google Images on the computer at the front desk, his hair windblown from his umpteenth cigarette break outside the office in the midst of the raging storm. His leg under the desk jumped with a constant twitch.

 “Anne Hathaway,” Hannah and Della said at the same time.

“Who’s Rachel McAdams?” asked Ryan.

“Who cares.” Ariel was studying a small framed poster of Johnny Cash’s At Folsom Prison album cover that hung at the edge of the wall before the hallway. Cash’s head turned toward the camera for what must have been the briefest moment, his mouth slightly open, his eyes dark and discerning, the two thin parallel lines of sweat running down the side of his face. Ariel touched his own cheek where a drop of rain had run down from his bushel of hair. A sudden crack of thunder made them all jump and, almost simultaneously, the phone rang. Oliver grabbed it after the first ring, almost knocking over the styrofoam cup of coffee on the desk. His leg still bounced nervously.

 “Front desk. Hey man. Okay. Okay sounds good man. Have a good night.”

 He dropped the phone back into its cradle.

 “D is leaving before the weather gets any worse.” He pulled his eyes away from the computer screen and fixed them with a dead-set threatening glare. “If any of you touch the setup in there in any way that does not involve collecting trash or sweeping the floor, God, or whatever deity you personally subscribe to, help you.”

 He turned back to the computer as they rose, took a collective breath, and plunged back out into the raucous downpour. Hannah punched the door code and they let themselves back into the foyer with the draped velvet walls and luminescent chandelier, and turned right. Through the pair of soundproofed doors and another tiny foyer that split the studio, to the left, from the lounge and kitchen, to the right. They took left.

 D was Hannah’s favorite room. The control room was spacious and comfortable with a wide rack of outboard gear at its very center. Across the top of the rack rested the largest sheet of glass Hannah had ever seen, over an inch thick and crystal clear. At the center of the glass the name of the recording studio could be seen where it was printed in black lettering on the wood of the rack. Hannah liked to stand over it, at the very center of everything, with her back straight and her arms crossed, and look forward over the console and into the live room beyond as if she owned it. It was a fleeting chance; if the interns were in a studio, they were expected to be cleaning. And once they were done, they were expected to disappear.

 “God daaaaaaamn.”

 Della and Ryan had begun poking around the control room for half-empty water bottles and trash, but Ariel had gone straight through into the live room where the band’s set up remained. Through the control room window he could be seen stepping over cables and inspecting the equipment, shaking his head.

 “God daaamn,” he repeated.

 Hannah watched him for a moment, then abandoned her stance behind the rack of gear. As she moved toward the door that led to the live room she could feel Della and Ryan pause in their collection and watch her. They glanced at each other once, apprehensively.

 “Take a look,” Ariel said without turning as she entered the room. “It’s the closest we’ll be getting anytime soon.”

 The room was a wide rectangle with smaller booths branching off through doors on either side. Three massive red lamp shades hung down from the ceiling and their bulbs cast soft orange and pink light down into the room. Sprawled across the smooth wooden floor was a setup of instruments, amplifiers and microphones, a dizzying network of black cables running from outputs to inputs, connecting every piece like the lines of roads on a map across a country. Each instrument had its own space, its own chair and music stand atop its own thick oriental rug- guitars resting in a rack, a bass leaning back in its stand, a drum kit waiting at attention in the center of the room. A piano sat with sheet music and pages of scribbled notes in one of the larger connecting rooms to the left. Microphones of various shapes and sizes were pointed at drum heads, amplifiers, the piano’s hammers, at seemingly meaningless empty space in the room. It was the most impressive collection of items created solely to make and capture sound they’d ever seen, but they found themselves creeping on their toes, trying to keep quiet.

 “Look at that,” Ariel said in a voice that was somehow too loud for the room, pointing at the floor around the drum kit. There were strips and bits of white artist tape stuck in what appeared to be strange shapes on the floor, and Hannah couldn’t quite figure out why the shapes appeared to be darker than the floor outside the tape.

 “They taped the shapes of the shadows,” Della said, coming into the room behind them with a trailing Ryan. She pointed the same as Ariel did, but with more purpose, her finger outlining some of the shapes in the air, lifting her arm and motioning towards the collection of microphones that hung on stands above their heads around the drum kit. “The shapes that the shadows of the mics make on the floor. So if something gets knocked or moved they can put it back exactly how it was.”

 Ryan ogled the taped shadows from over Della’s shoulder.

 “They’re not taking any chances, huh?”

 “Not when it’s costing them a grand a day to be in this room,” Ariel replied.

 He stepped carefully over toward the bass guitar station and lowered himself into the chair. As he reached for the instrument, Ryan made a noise of discontent somewhere in his lanky neck.

 “Do you think-”

 “Oliver’s not leaving that desk,” Ariel said, as if in reply to the rest of Ryan’s question. “He’s not about to walk in here and catch me in the act. And everyone else had gone home. Except B,” he finished bitterly.

 Ariel closed his hand around the thick neck of the bass guitar and pulled it into his lap. He stopped before he played a note, however, and just seemed to look at it and feel its weight resting on his legs. When he looked up, his coin-sized blue eyes seemed softer.

 “What do you play?” he asked Ryan.

 “Oh, dr-drums.”

 “Well-” Ariel motioned to the drum kit and raised his dark eyebrows. Ryan chittered nervously.

 “No way, I’d knock something over.”

 “That’s why they have the shadows taped,” offered Hannah. “They’ve prepared it for you.” She’d momentarily forgotten what time it was, how they most likely still had a good four or five hours of cleaning ahead of them, and about the storm that was still raging beyond the soundproofed walls. She wasn’t sure why, but she desperately wanted to see Ryan sit on the stool behind the drumkit and look back at them all from the other side.  

 “Ehhhhhhhh...” He glanced at Della, who was watching the scene with a guarded smile behind her eyes.

 “You don’t even have to touch the sticks. Just sit somewhere. Everyone,” Ariel said, looking at Hannah and Della. “Just sit. I’m tired and I don’t want to clean right now and all of you standing makes me nervous. So just sit.”

Della glanced around and chose the acoustic guitar station set up next to the piano room. Ryan took an uneasy step towards the drums. Hannah looked at the rack of electric guitars, their glossy bodies gleaming in the gentle light from the overhanging lamps. Her mind begin to wander towards the price tags of each instrument before she stopped herself. She’d played a three hundred dollar guitar all throughout music school, and she still believed that it did the job just fine. She burst through the cloud of hesitation that Ryan still seemed unable to break and stepped onto the plush colors of the carpet and sat down in the chair next to the guitars.

 “You can either sit or you can go run through the rain and tell Oliver what bad interns we’re being,” Ariel challenged him. Hannah felt softened by Ryan’s show of nervousness against Ariel’s taunting.

 “Go on,” she said kindly. “If you’re careful nothing’s going to happen.”

 With a final desperate glance at Della, Ryan tiptoed over the current of cables that flowed from the drum kit and maneuvered his slender body on to the cushioned stool. Then, seemingly to his own amazement, he reached for a pair of sticks and ran them through and along his fingers.

 “How long have you played?” Hannah asked, watching him.

 “Twelve years.” Ryan’s eyes were now passing over each individual drum as though he’d never seen anything like them. “My dad bought me a kit before he moved to San Jose to be with his new wife. Thought I’d need something to hit.”

 “Did that work?”

 “Well I wouldn’t have gotten drum lessons if he’d stuck around. And there’s not much else to do in central Nebraska.”

 “So?”

 A timid smile spread across Ryan’s face.

 “Worth it,” he said. Then he nodded at Della. “What about you?”

“I’ve played classical piano since I was four.”  

 He nodded again, impressed. “So how did that lead to engineering?”

 Della considered, sitting forward in her chair and holding lightly to the acoustic guitar in her lap. A few strands had come undone from her thick blonde ponytail.

 “Everyone expected me to be a little ballerina or to play concerts for people dressed in black at the symphony.” She paused. “But I liked math and computers.” She nodded towards the microphones set up to point at the guitar she held. “And cables and mics.”

 “I just liked the feeling of being in the room,” Hannah said suddenly. They all turned toward her. “When the song is coming together and everyone’s completely absorbed by it. There’s almost like one single moment, and you can feel it, where everything clicks and everything’s right and there’s nothing left on the other side of the door for any of you.” She looked down at her hands in her lap. “That’s all there is.”

 The room had fallen silent again, the air sitting softly and safely inside the thick muted walls. Ariel suddenly set the bass guitar aside and stood up. He hurried back into the control room and they could see him fussing with his phone and a cable through the clear sheet of glass. Ryan cautiously lifted himself up from the drum stool and craned his neck nervously to watch him. Ariel reached for the center section of the mixing console and hit a button and, as he slowly turned a knob, the sound of recorded drums and guitars began to seep out of the monitors that hung in the corners of the live room. Ariel kept turning the knob until the song was blasting, the three others looking at each other hesitantly. Ariel came bursting back into the live room.

 “What?” he called over the booming music. “You don’t like Nirvana?”

 Ryan let out a timid bark of a laugh and fidgeted with the drumsticks in his hand. Hannah and Della watched Ariel make his way back over to the bass guitar and this time swing the strap over his shoulder and begin to thrash around with the bass in time to the song, not actually hitting the strings, but performing a violent air-rendition that caused Ryan’s eyes to all but pop from his skull.

 Della sprang to her feet, clutching the acoustic guitar and jumping over the microphones. She spun around on the wooden floor and let her arm swing wildly just inches from the strings. Hannah lifted one of the electric guitars from beside her and hung the strap over herself, feeling the familiar heavy weight of the instrument press on her like a welcome reminder, like a pile of blankets in a northeastern winter. She began spinning like Della, dipping her head and then arching her back, her arm pumping fiercely in rhythm. In the middle of a spin, she caught sight of Ryan behind the drumkit, flailing manically, his eyes shooting fire, never coming closer than an inch from the drums. Ariel let out a howl when he saw him, his smile flashing in the quick bursts of his movement.

 “A denial! A denial!” Ariel bellowed along to the song, stepping up on to the chair next to him and giving a final leap down to the floor as the notes rang out, sprawling on his back with the bass guitar held up towards the ceiling. Della bent forward and let her loose hair hang down over the guitar. Hannah knelt down and clutched her instrument tightly in both arms. Ryan had thrown the drumsticks up into the air and they landed with a clatter somewhere behind him. Suddenly startled with himself, he turned to look where they had landed and toppled backward off the stool, hitting the high-hat stand as he went down. The cymbal splashed like an ocean wave as Ryan lie still on the floor, a few feet from Ariel. They let the room fade back into silence, interrupted only by the sound of them catching their breath. Ariel finally sat up.

 “Back in Israel,” he said, still holding the bass across his legs, still breathing heavily. “My brother went out one day and never came back. We still don’t know what happened to him.”

 Ryan watched Ariel from where he still lay on the floor.

 “He had all these records. I started going into his room and playing them all the time, to try to remember what the house sounded like when he was there. My parents were going to give him this cheap little bass guitar for his birthday that year, but when he didn’t come back, they gave it to me instead.”

 He stood and gently set the bass back on to its stand. “He liked rock and roll.”

  “They’re done,” Oliver said when he called Hannah’s phone not moments after Ariel had offered Ryan his hand to pull him up off the floor of Studio D. “Get up here and clean this room so we can get the hell out of here.”

 Hannah hung up. “B’s done,” she announced. They replaced their instruments, Ryan fetched the tossed drumsticks, and they collected the trash bags of water bottles and beer cans. Before they left, Della bent to study the shadowed shapes of the microphones on the floor around the drumkit. She looked up as Ryan came apprehensively to her side.

 “Not one out of place,” she said.

 Outside the storm had quieted to a gentle pattering of leftover drops, the indigo sky hanging heavily as though it had fallen along with the rain. There were branches strewn across the empty parking lot that had fallen from trees just outside the perimeter of the tall fence. There was the lonely sound of one car’s tires spitting against the wet road somewhere in the neighborhood. A siren floated beyond toward the city.

 They walked up the side of the building towards the office and saw two of the clients who had been in B coming out of the door in their black denim and leather boots. They glanced toward the group of interns and then turned away and headed to their cars parked in the small back lot.

 Outside the office door Ariel stopped and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He stood against the side of the building and lit one, guarding it from the breeze with his hand. The other three stopped and stood with him, following his gaze as he watched the clients’ cars rumble over the loose gravel at the edge of the driveway. Ariel looked at Ryan, his eyes round and wild behind a drift of smoke.

“Don’t believe that they’re anything we’re not,” he said. “We’re everything. We are.”