#Men's Comfort Shoes in Sydney | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lordkambe · 4 years

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Haiii I love you!!!! Could I please request a jealous Rin (free!) smut. Biting, choking the more depraved the better ❤️

🦈 character, fandom, type of reader: rin matsuoka, free, woman reader.

🦈 genre, rating: nsfw. 18+ only.

🦈 themes, triggers: explicit descriptions, explicit dirty talk, choking, biting, jealously that could be interpreted as yandere ngl, daddy!rin,

🦈 author’s note: hey i love rin. very much. very glad i got this. there’s a plot to the p*rn so i apologize if this is kinda long ! aside from that i hope you enjoy this smutty, s-m-u-t-t-y drabble 😏

Following Rin to Sydney wasn’t something you regretted. You’d been to the beautiful city in the past and were set on attending a local university in the city prior to meeting Rin. When he shared his interest in returning to the city himself and pursuing his career as a professional swimmer, it further solidified your belief that the two of you were fated to be together. The two of you had been dating for quite some time but only had taken it a step further when you entered university. To cut your own personal costs, you moved in with Rin and from then forward your relationship with Rin wasn’t casual; the two of you took your relationship seriously and weighed your future in every decision you made. It was healthy, it was nice, and it was the perfect dose of a domestic lifestyle with the man you loved.

Rin had texted you to meet him at the local pub where he would be treating some of his old friends to drinks and given that you needed a break from your studies, you happily obliged. Before leaving you took your time to get yourself put together you couldn’t possibly enter the pub in the pair of sweats you wore. Skipping the formal wear, even the clubwear, you went for something comfortable and casual, however, the v-neck tee boyfriend you wore was somewhat transparent and exposed the black bra you wore underneath; unwilling to change you threw on a light cardigan and headed out to the pub.

Luckily the pub was within walking distance of your shared apartment with Rin but given that you had taken a bit longer debating whether or not to change your shirt, Rin and his friends had already beaten you to the punch. You waved at the group of boys through the window and quickly entered the crowded pub. “Y/N!” Rin greeted you with a toothy smile. He stood from his seat and engulfed you into a hug followed by an obligatory kiss. You then turned to wave at Rin’s old friends from Japan and a few familiar faces struck out enough for you to greet them by name.

A seat next to Rin wasn’t open and instead of making a fuss about it, you sat down next to his childhood friend/rival, Sousuke. You had only heard about him through Rin’s stories and remembered he had issues with his shoulder after a strain. Once the casual conversation with everyone had come to an end you talked to Sousuke and exchanged stories about Rin --- much to his dismay. Rin was busy catching up with his other friends but you felt his eyes on you every second or two. You didn’t give it much attention as you were too entertained by Sousuke’s stories.

Because of the crowded feeling in the pub, the heat within it began to grow. The cardigan you wore was light but even then you felt uncomfortably warm. You took a heavy sip of your water, Sousuke looked at you with a bit of concern,

“you should take off your sweater. I took off my jacket too. It’s really hot in here for whatever reason.” He spoke into the rim of his beer glass before taking a heavy sip from it.

You nodded your head not thinking twice about why you wore a cardigan to begin with. Attempting to wiggle your arms out from the cardigan it was difficult to do given that you were sandwiched between two very broad men. Sousuke stood up from his seat and took your hand.

“Here Y/N, I’ll give you a hand.”

You smiled at his kindness and took his hand. He helped you remove your cardigan in order to place it behind your seat. You sat down and wiggled your shoulders feeling a breeze of cool air sweep past your exposed skin. The hair that fell down your neck was still a nuisance however so you took the hair tie around your wrist and tied your hair into a high ponytail. While doing so the transparency of your shirt was made known to Rin mostly, nobody else seemed to notice or care. The fleeting glances he was giving you from across the table were now replaced with a heavy stare. You looked at him for just a second but before you could say anything Sousuke grabbed a hold of your attention. He continued with his story about how Rin and he had a friendly competition as children.

“So yeah --- as I was saying. There was a time when Rin was trying to catch up with me but didn’t notice his shoes were untied.”

Your eyes grew obviously interested and entertained by the story Sousuke was sharing. He seemed to be vibing with you as well. His eyes were locked with yours and it was evident that he was interested in becoming friends with you. You were Rin’s long-time serious girlfriend after all and Sousuke was a great friend of Rin who cared deeply about him.

“And then he just fell flat on his face. He completely ate shit.”

Concealing a smile you added to the story, “let me guess he started to cry?”

“Oh like a baby,” Sousuke added.

With that, the two of you burst into a fit of laughter that occupied most of the pub. The two of you had an obnoxious laugh, there was nothing more to it. You playfully slapped Sousuke’s shoulder and he dramatically let out a whine and rubbed the place you hit. You were gullible enough to fall for it remembering that Rin had mentioned Sousuke had a shoulder injury.

You sat closer to him, close enough for your chest to press to his side. You rubbed his shoulder in remorse. “Oh my god. I’m so so so sorry!”

Sousuke looked down at you with his sea-green eyes. “You’re just as gullible as Rin.” You ripped yourself from his side and crossed your arms. Cutely, you stuck his tongue out at him. That was it for Rin. He couldn’t just sit there and watch the two of you anymore. He stood from his seat and as he did the dishware on the table clinked together. Without much care to anyone else who was there Rin walked towards you and grabbed your arm forcing you to stand up.

“Hey! Rin! What the hell?”

Rin looked at you, you’d seen that face a few times before but only when someone tried to make a pass at you. He was jealous but you couldn’t understand why he would be jealous.

“Thanks, everyone but Y/N and I are leaving. You have that thesis to work on, remember?”

“Yeah but --”

You took a deep breath and understood that now wasn’t the time to argue with him. So you nodded your head and agreed.

“Yeah. He’s right. I’ve been putting off that thesis for a while. It was nice meeting you guys.”

You looked down at Sousuke and watched as he stood from his seat. He gave Rin a hug and then invited you into one as well. It would be awkward to refuse it. He gave you your sweater but before you could grab it yourself Rin took it for you and with that the two of you were off. The walk back to your shared apartment was quiet. You attempted to break the silence by talking to Rin but he didn’t budge. He trudged his feet forward and you followed behind him. Provided that Rin wasn’t communicating with you the second you entered your apartment you returned to your work.

Rin watched you as you began to open up your laptop.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m working on my paper, Rin.”

Your eyes were busy opening up the tab you left off on. Rin walked towards you and lowered your screen causing your hands to leave the keyboard. He shut the laptop completely.

“Rin what the fuck is wrong with you?” You looked up at him angrily.

“With me? What do you mean what the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

You understood he was jealous of what happened at the pub. He didn’t need to say it but this behavior? It was unacceptable. You set your laptop on the coffee table and stood up. He was much taller than you so you looked up at him.

“Nothing is wrong with me Rin. You invited me to the pub to meet your friends. I was getting to know them.”

“Them? C’mon, Y/N. You seemed to only be interested in one person.”

With a shake of your head, you rolled your eyes. Now with your arms folded across your chest, you shrugged your shoulders.

“Sousuke? I was sitting right next to him and I had to make conversation. What did you expect me to do, sit awkwardly and not say anything? ”

“Did you have to take your sweater off---”

You cut him off.

“It was hot! Rin, oh my god. What has gotten into you?”

“Nothing has gotten into me. I’m not that petty. Look at your shirt.”

He pointed at your cleavage.

“You had no business wearing a shirt where everyone could see your bra. That’s only for me to see.”

Your hands came up to rub your temples.

“Rin. I didn’t do that on purpose. Nobody noticed.”

“I noticed.” Rin stepped closer towards you.

“Of course you noticed, your mind is always going someplace perverted.”

You mumbled under your breath -- soft enough where you didn’t think he couldn’t hear.

With his hand, he took your chin and turned it for you to face him, “what the fuck did you just say?”

It was the look in his eyes that was a dead give away to what was about to transpire. Punishment. It happened rarely, you were good. Rin hated punishing you or at least that’s what he swore.

“Nothing.” You said in response.

Rin clicked his tongue.

“You know how I feel about liars, Y/N. You said my mind is perverted. And what about yours, hm?”

The question is rhetorical. You knew this but your pride urged you to respond. Rin covered your mouth preventing you from saying anything further.

“Do you like him... Sousuke? I bet you were thinking about him huh? I can’t blame you, he's a handsome guy. Do you want me to call him? So he can fuck you? So I can show him how much of a fucking slut you are?”

Rin removed his hand from your mouth and ordered you not to speak. With both his hands he tore the fabric of your tee and exposed the black bra you wore. It was nothing sexy. A casual t-shirt bra that was a part of your everyday attire but because of the push-up support your cleavage looked more pronounced than usual.

“I bet that’s what you wanted Sousuke to see. You were just shoving your breasts in his face asking him to bend you over and fuck you.”

You nodded your head no. Rin only chuckled, still not believing your disinterest in his friend. He turned away from you and took a seat on the chair across from you. He sat with his legs wide, wide enough for you to see the growing length between his pants. You stood there silently waiting for what Rin wanted to do with you next.

“Take off your pants, Y/N.”

You unbuttoned the waistband of your jeans and removed them. You picked them up and placed them on the chair behind you. You stood in front of your boyfriend in your mismatched bra and panty set. Rin took out his phone and held it in your direction.

“Should I take a picture and send it to him? Should I let him know you’re thinking about fucking him?”

You shook your head no once more this time with much more vigor. You stepped towards Rin before finally kneeling in front of him. Your hand held his wrist and you lowered his phone.

“You have permission to speak, Y/N.”

You took a breath before opening up your mouth to finally respond.

“Baby. I’m so--”

Rin cut you off.

“Who do you want to fuck, me or him?”

Without missing a beat you responded,

“You.”

Rin shoved his phone into the pocket of his jacket and took your hand. He guided you into the bedroom and threw you on the bed. Rin placed his phone on the nightstand and began to remove his own clothing. With his jacket, shirt, and pants free he only remained in his boxers. Finally, his broad figure hovered your own. Rin took his hand and gently placed it around your neck. His fingers were delicate against your skin but you knew it wouldn’t remain that way for long.

“Who does this body belong to?” He asked, his delicate fingers turned into a grip.

“It b-belongs to you -- Rin.”

The grip he earned felt tighter but the sensation was pleasurable. You felt the heat in your core rise. Rin had a dark expression but his eyes told another story. He was looking forward to pleasuring you even though he was still consumed by his jealousy. Rin lowered his frame closer towards yours and as he did you felt his hardened length press against the inner of your thigh, sending a jolt of adrenaline to surge through your veins. He placed a kiss on your lips and it was gentle, loving despite what the tone of the situation implied. Despite it all his kisses were always filled with so much warmth and care. He loved you, so much.

“And what would you like me to do with your body, Y/N?”

“Anything.”

He repeated, “anything?”

You nodded your head. The grip he earned around your throat loosened. He kissed your lips once more and he began to trail his kisses lower. He took extra time around your neck making sure to leave tender kisses where his fingers dug into your skin. As he continued his task soft moans flew out of your lips which Rin loved to hear. As he kissed lower and lower it was almost like he had memorized the parts of your body that felt the most pleasure. In those places, he opened his both and gently bit your skin. The painful yet pleasurable act always left little marks, little marks you loved to trace over the next day.

“This isn’t one of those fancy bras,” Rin noted with his fingers looped between the straps.

You nodded your head. “I don’t wear lingerie every day, Rin.”

“Well. You should. For me anyway.”

Rin lowered the straps to your bra before opting to shove the cups down instead.

“Better yet you should just stop wearing one... for me though. Me only.”

“Of course only you. Always for you.”

It was the reassurance of your words that caused Rin to look up at you. He smirked,

“Don’t think your cute words are going to let you off the hook so easy.”

Rin kissed the middle of your chest before taking his mouth around one of your nipples. With his tongue, he lapped circles around the sensitive bud. The pleasure from that alone caused your hips to buck forward. You felt his hard cock against your clothed cunt. Rin stopped his movements and shoved your hips back down into the mattress. He grunted in distress.

“You said I was the one with perverted thoughts. Yet with just a little bit of fondling your body is already begging for my cock. Do you want me to fuck you, fuck you so hard that you forget about any other guy?”

You blushed at his remark feeling embarrassed at how eager you were for him. You watched as his eyes trailed down to view the wet spot between your legs. Out of embarrassment, you closed them. Rin sat on his knees and he tore your legs open.

“Such a fucking whore.” He muttered underneath a breath.

“You have such a lewd body. You’re begging me to fuck you and I’ve barely enough touched you.”

He shook his head at you. “Take off your panties for me.”

Without any hesitation, you completed the task. You took off your panties and threw them aside.

“Open your pussy wide for me.”

You’re hesitant. Rin didn’t like your hesitance.

“Oya, oya?”

Rin arched an eyebrow.

“Don’t act shy. Open your pussy for me.”

You brought your knees up and opened your legs wide. With your hands, you opened the folds of your pussy to expose yourself to him. Rin was smiling widely. His eyes were hungry to consume you whole.

“Look how wet you are. Just for me?”

With two fingers Rin gently rubbed your clit. Because you were so eager to be pleasured, the moan you gave was louder than you had anticipated. You bit your tongue but Rin quickly encouraged you to moan to your heart's content.

“You can be a whore. It’s fine.”

It was his weird way of humiliating you and from the looks of it he wasn’t going to stop just there.

He entered both his fingers inside you.

“You welcomed me in without any issue.” His fingers began to thrust in and out of you at a miserably low speed. You kicked your legs and whined at the torturous experience.

“Baby, I can’t have you cum from just my fingers.” He leveled with you.

“Then give me more.” You spoke out of turn but your request intrigued Rin.

“More? What do you want?”

“You.”

“You’ll have to be more specific, babe.”

You clicked your tongue and with an exhale you admitted what you truly desired.

“Your cock.”

“Where do you want it? I can put in several locations.”

His fingers were still within you and with each question, he asked he moved his fingers either further inside you or thrust them in and out. If that wasn’t enough, he used this thumb to gently brush against your clit.

“Inside -- me. Inside my pussy. Please, Daddy.”

Daddy. You’d never used that word before. And it was like something inside of Rin clicked. He removed his fingers from inside you and licked them clean. He returned to hovering above you. He looked down at you with lust-filled eyes. “What did you just call me?”

“Daddy.”

“Do you want daddy’s cock to fill your tiny little pussy?”

You nodded your head eagerly and given that Rin was so turned on from his newfound nickname he was done with his teasing. He removed his boxers and from out sprung his thick cock. The impressive length he had was throbbing and glistening with his precum. You moaned at the sight.

He held his cock in his hands and prevented himself from stroking it. Every ounce of pleasure he wanted would be from what he gave you. He aligned the tip of his cock against the folds of your pussy. He circled the tip around your clit and you pressed your head further into the pillow. Without warning, Rin entered inside of you causing you to grasp at the sheets under you. Once he fully entered he realized he had done so raw. You were now on the pill so neither of you thought twice about the action.

“It feels different raw, doesn’t it?”

He admired how his cock was fully inside you and he continued to watch as he began to thrust. As always his thrusts, to begin with, were slow. He liked to admire how his cock thrust in and out of your pussy. He finally gave you the benefit of eye contact and you put on a show for him. The pleasurable experience of his cock finally inside you caused your face to change in order to reflect the amount of pleasure you were receiving from Rin.

With his hips moving in and out of you at a rhythmic pace he brought his hand up to grasp your neck once more. With his thumb he placed it in the middle of your lips,

“Open your mouth for daddy.”

You did as instructed and began to suck on his thumb imagining if it was his cock instead. You looked at him through half-lidded eyes that were somewhat teary from the mix of pain and pleasure you felt with his large length inside of you.

“Do you wish that was a cock?”

You held his wrist and nodded fervently.

“Maybe I should call Sousuke and ask him to come and shove his cock in your mouth. Maybe that would finally make you shut the fuck up about how I have perverted thoughts.”

Rin continued to thrust in and out of you he didn’t want you to speak. He was fully in control of your pleasure as well as his own.

With his free hand, he reached over to grab his phone that he left on the nightstand. It wasn’t unusual for him to take pictures of you but provided the context you wondered what he was up to.

“I have to take a picture of your face baby. Yo--You’re taking daddy’s cock so well. I h-have to.” His thrusting is scattered and you aren’t entirely sure if he’s going to pleasure you from his cock alone. He was such a tease especially in his jealous state, he could just leave you there. You wrapped your legs around his waist and started to thrust into him as well. Your moans grew louder and louder. Rin laughed in pleasure.

With the phone still in his hands, you took advantage of the situation,

“Are you going to take a picture of me, daddy? Huh? Are you going to show everyone how good you fuck me?”

Rin groaned loudly himself his hands shaking at the immense pleasure he felt from you thrusting alongside him.

“F-fuck you’re such a fucking whor-whore.”

He’s panting and you clenched around him causing him to further fall down the spiral of his ecstasy. He threw his phone elsewhere and grabbed your legs. He removed them from around his waist and held them open wide.

You sobbed at the action as his cock was thrusting deeper inside you and hitting the spongey spot that brought you the utmost pleasure. You felt his entire length thrust inside of you and just sit inside the pit of your stomach. With his large hands forcing your hips into the mattress it was impossible to move. You were chained to him and so desperate to reach your state of euphoria.

“Do you like that. Huh? You’re clenching. Mmmm---fuck Y/N!”

Rin began to move faster in and out of you.

“Daddy’s cock is deep inside your pussy, you love it don’t you? You little fucking slut. You just --- just love daddy’s cock filling your pussy up with his cum.”

He then takes both of your legs and swings them over his shoulders. Your hips hovered above the mattress and the pleasure you felt was immense. The sound of your flesh slapping against his alongside your loud, nearly screaming moans filled the room. Without warning him you clenched around his throbbing cock and reached your peak. As you did something inside you snapped, you squirted around his cock, and the second you did you felt the thick spurts of his hot cum coat the inside of your pussy.

His body went limp and came crashing down to lay on the bed next to you. Rin had his face flat on the pillow, he was breathing heavy and as were you. You laid with your hand on your stomach feeling oddly full but empty at the same time. You touched your pussy but it was so sensitive from the pleasure you twitched at a simple graze.

You turned your head to Rin your body was too weak to fully face him. Rin turned his head as well and looked at you. The two of you chuckled,

“That was amazing,” Rin said.

With a weak, tired voice you asked. “Are you still mad at me?”

With whatever strength he had left Rin came closer towards you and kissed you.

“Call me daddy again.”

“--- Daddy.”

Rin kissed you.

“Nope. Not mad.”

#rin x reader #rin matsuoka x reader #free x reader #rin matsuoka x y/n #rin x y/n #free x y/n #rin matsuoka #free! dive into the future #free! take your marks #free! smut #nsfw.#rm.#tm.#free.#Anonymous

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 4 years

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today on the “am i the asshole?” reddit:

the body education page that i follow on fb posted this yesterday and i was grossed out. when will men stop trying to police girls/women’s choices and bodies??? can someone please explain to me how a 13yo choosing to use/a mother showing her daughter how to use tampons is sexualising a 13yo???? i’m pretty sure you’re the only one who thinks that, mr AITA.

like i could concede and say that 13 is a bit early for tampons... because, hell, i still don’t use them often, or at all if i can help it; and i’m in my 20s.... but if your daughter is comfortable with them at 13, then good for her. and also. if she’s asking about birth control, maybe she’s having trouble with her period pain??? maybe she’s asking early- a few years early to boot- to know the options of birth control she has when she’s old enough? that’s a smart kid. not a child who is “using it as an excuse to become sexually active.” because i didn’t even ask my doctor about birth control/the pill until i was literally 20!!! and that was because i had shoddy asf sex ed in catholic school, that dodged around the pill ALL THE TIME even in science class- which is the one place where you’d think catholic school could teach sex ed on an okay level- but they didn’t. or maybe she wants it just for acne? that’s another reason i went on birth control: to help get rid of my bad cystic acne caused by my painful periods/fucky hormones. and it did the job.

i didn’t even tell my friends about my period pain until i changed schools at 16/17. or even tell my family until about 19/20. mostly this is all because i didn’t know how to word it. and at the time, i didn’t know if my friends in catholic school from years 7-10 would have believed me- since i did have a fairly iffy attendance record that i’m pretty sure they were sick & tired of covering for me with excuses like “flu” etc nearly every month.

the fact that your daughter is asking about the pill or other BC options at 13 is brave imo, considering that i was too awkward to even talk about it with my own doctor- YES. MY OWN DOCTOR- until i was an adult.... and this is coming from someone who had to skip school nearly every month throughout high school; because her periods were so fucking debilitating and painful that she couldn’t move or was literally physically throwing up most cycles that she didn’t want to go to school for a week to a week and a half- so that she could avoid questions from both her fellow students and her teachers.

the reason i had to ask for birth control in the end at 20 was because i realised that if i ever got a good grad job or an internship in sydney... i couldn’t be found passed out on a fucking office bathroom floor (like i was doing in 2012/2013 at tafe/technical college when i forced myself to go so as to not affect my attendance record to risk failing years 11 & 12) at least 1hr 50mins (instead of 25mins at tafe) from home at the shortest travel to central syd- trying to ease my period pain with the coolness of the tiles- along with staff freaking out like “are you sure you don’t need medical assistance or an ambulance???” or “your periods can’t be that bad. suck it up, get up and get back to work.” like thanks, janet from the social media accounts team. how about you have my fucky ovaries instead and tell me how you like it??? but anyway. me? experience the pure mortification of dealing with that on an internship??? no fucking way. the thought of throwing up on my boss’s/supervisor’s shoes just bc my periods were like “good luck holding down your lunch 😅😁!!!”???? utterly horrifying.

i needed birth control. i absolutely NEEDED to go on the pill (or get an IUD etc etc). and thank god i fucking admitted that to myself and my doctor at that point. because otherwise, i wouldn’t be able to function during my period week- like at all. but with the pill??? it’s gone. all gone. except for the headaches and bad cramps. but they’re few and far between now. as is the throwing up- which happens once every blue moon. but. i can do shit. i can move. i can exercise. i no longer absolutely dread the arrival of my period every month, like i did in my teens. it’s been a great turn around for my mental health/well-being and my social life; as well as and my overall health and well-being.

like, sir, if your daughter has periods like my periods were in high school..... that’s probably why she’s asking about the pill/other birth control. because most of the time, taking multiple advil tablets at once, and sometimes twice a day.... and then laying in bed all day because your period pain and headache etc are that awful that it’s better if you don’t have to fucking move or think all day..... is no fucking way for a teenager to live her life. literally dreading your period every month bc you don’t know just how bad it’ll be, is no fun for a teenage girl, either.

obviously i’m making huge assumptions about this guy’s daughter. but still. the guy is a fucking asshole. plus if you think that your wife is sexualising your daughter by showing her how to use tampons, you’re the one with the fucking creep issue. not your wife.

#life #about me #shut up ilona #okay not that i actually have a social life but you get what u #*but you get what i mean lmao

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the-queer-look · 3 years

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Queer Uber Fund

Name: Gloria Demillo Age: 25 Location: Melbourne Occupation: Digital Copywriter/Poet Sexual Orientation: Pansexual Gender: Non-Binary

I used to really care about how I presented, especially in the workplace because I work in both a corporate environment, and in art spaces, people expect you to look a certain way if your gender is a certain way. Sometimes I think people expect me to be more masc, which I find strange in art spaces, I said I was Non-Binary, not that I was masc y’know? People will send me audition callouts for acting with “identifies as trans-masc” on them which is always weird. Honestly I just wear what I feel comfortable in, or for the weather, which is a statement in and of itself. Before I realised I was non-binary it was very performative – I really did dress for other people, or how they perceive me, or how I want them to perceive me. But now I just don’t care, as long as they perceive me as hot.

I’ve always had a feeling about not being straight, but I’ve never had the language for it because I grew up in a very conservative christian church. It was like “gay is bad” but all of the language around it was centred on men, with nothing to say about women being with women, or both. Like… what’s the grey area there? I was raised and socialised as a woman so… was this only a male centric sin? I started to have a language for it at uni, which helped because I found ways to discuss something I’d always felt, but didn’t know how to explain. When I look back at my childhood and how I expressed myself it just… makes sense. I had this favourite shirt, just a really dark shirt with a lion on it, and I’d always wear it with these little pink shoes with pom poms on it, and that aesthetic of really daggy clothes with really nice shoes is really the modern queer aesthetic.

It was mid 2019 when I realised I was non-binary and then I came out in October of that year, but there was such a long process. I was thinking about gender in uni, and then when I was experimenting more with how I presented myself and letting go of a lot of the ways in which I was socialised to behave. Being socialised as a woman was really violent for me – I don’t know how else to describe it – I had a lot of expectations put on me about my body, and how I should act, and how I should be in relationships, and when I was dealing with all of that gender stuff, it was very freeing to no longer have to live up to this arbitrary standard that was forced upon me. It was also much easier for me to talk about it because I was surrounded by so many lovely trans and non-binary friends, but of course talking to my cis friends about it was very… ugh...

I think when I found the language for my sexuality not much changed in the way I presented myself, it wasn’t until I found the language to express my gender as non-binary that there was a change in the way I thought about myself and how I was being perceived my relationship with my body. I really felt it, It was such a different transformation, I was so genuinely happier in my body, and stopped caring about how other people perceived me, and whether or not my presentation made sense to other people. I’ve stopped wearing clothes that are really tight. I don’t know why, but everything I had before coming out about being non-binary was very tight, very fitted, and now everything is very loose and flowy. It isn’t that I don’t like my body, I love my body, but now mostly what I wear is loose and billowy and doesn’t hug me so tightly.

To me the term Queer encompasses a description of my gender and sexuality that isn’t just one thing because its such a broad label. The way it was introduced to me was like a very radical and subversive way to refer to ones gender and sexuality, and I love that it’s been reclaimed by the community as a whole, though I completely understand those parts of the community that are uncomfortable with the term being used at all due to the way it was used in derogatory ways for so long, especially when used by persons outside the community. I’m sure that there’s going to be a generation coming up that will have no negative associations with that word, in the same way that I have younger queer friends that refer to each other using the F slur as a term of endearment, when I wouldn’t use it with most people.

I’ve always had a lot of queer friends, but I don’t think I started going to a lot of queer specific parties until the last three or for years. Queer events too, drag shows, musicians, poets and artists and other queer specific events. It hit a point where I just didn’t want to go to another straight club. They don’t feel safe, and I cannot just sit there and listen to another Ed Sheeran or Drake song when I want to dance y’know? I’m not a huge fan of the fact that queer events always focus around a party or something, I just want a quiet queer event like a queer book club or something. I’m going to join a queer climbing club or something, just be more involved.

I love being around other queer people, but there’s also a lot of racists around. Just because the event is queer does not mean the event is safe. You’d think that we would have dealt with intersectionality by now. Genderqueer people are more aware because we live on the margins of society and have for like… ever. But I find it really frustrating when people create queer events that aren’t accessible – people with different sensory needs, comfortable for people of colour, accessible for people with physical difficulties etc. I remember the first time I went to a queer club event with a quiet room and I lost my mind, like I wanna be at the club for six hours, but I want to sit down and have a break with just a little noise for a while y’know? It was so beautiful and safe.

K: What challenges do you see still facing the queer community today? Gloria: Racism

There are so many things, being trans-non-binary and a POC I get to see it all but like. People within the community that just straight up hate trans people? The phobia is coming from inside the house! Unlearn that shit queers! Some people in the community get rights? Like they can get married, get recognised, and then they turn around and say “us? we’re the good gays” shut the fuck up. Yeah, internalised phobias within the community? We need to unlearn that as a group, that’s a group effort.

Racism, ablism etc, we need to get rid of those because intersectionality is a thing. I also think that there’s so many laws that are trying to literally kill people in the community so like… I don’t know if we need to crowd fund some community lawyers or something, but we need to get some protections from these people who are out here doing their most to keep us down. I also think that cishet people really need to do better, even the ones that say they’re all about allyship will say that they’re on your side and then take you right to a straight club and like hey, what’re we doing here? I think cishet people don’t understand that there are certain spaces that, for non cishet people, are just inherently unsafe y’know? There isn’t any thought as to how their queer friends are safe going somewhere, or how they’re presenting is safe. When cishet people come into spaces that are meant for queer people yeah it’s just a party and a grand old time, but queer people don’t have that same privilege or concept of space y’know? At a straight club I could just disappear because some homophobe clocks me as queer and has a problem and what would y’all do about that? Cishet people walk around like life is this RPG that they’ve unlocked all parts of, and are free to go anywhere, and just don’t realise that there are places that they perceive as totally safe that are completely unsafe for any queer person to be in. We can’t even go to certain countries? We can’t live in certain suburbs of Sydney! People get bashed in fucking Newtown for being gay. Cishet people, especially if you say you’re an ally, or go into our spaces to have fun, why don’t you take a few seconds to think about the safety of your queer friends? Why don’t you pay for our Ubers and shit, make sure we get home? don’t just text me “are you home safe?” be about it!

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fortheheavenssake · 4 years

Text

MM ANON II - 1

April 15, 2020

1. April 15

MM ANON …… doctor gone batty……… LA for dummies ……… Doctors Within Borders ……… social insistence ………… hugs not bugs……… absolutely isolated Kate. ……… “ not a whisper ma’am ……… St George’s chapel of course!!…………… with humility skippy, with humility.

Mm anon verified

MM ANON … to forgive Devine. To accept ones shortcomings is a hard pill to swallow especially if like myself your behaviour Is mired in self justification and blind contempt … it’s taken me a long time to ask forgiveness ……… and pride is a killer of the spiritual light. To those who can find forgiveness on their heart I thank them, humbly and sincerely. ……… MM ANON

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3. April 30

MM ANON ……… the only virus ………… wonderful children to hug…… magnificent isolation ma’am……… dirty Megan,clean Harry ……… will never be the same ………… big things for a future princess ……… home cooking ………… “ ground control to major Tom” ………. “ and wash your bloody hands!!!……… an archificial birthday ………… trooping the colours???

Thank you! Happy to have you back!😊❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

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4. April 30

MM Anon

MM ANON …… Many thanks skippy ……… a privilege to return to you all ……… graciously thankful to pg , skippy and all anons. Callidus er populum

Welcome back….😊💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

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5. May 1.

MM ANON … it’ll cost us thousands …… “ ‘‘tis the times’ plague , when madmen led the blind “……… 🎼 all the clubs have been closed down 🎼………… “ if you both don’t stop fighting I’ll send you to Madagascar “ ………… “ one makes ones bed”…………… “ well wash your bloody hands AGAIN!!”…………… “ there so funny on screen Philip” …… Quo victuals est super eam et irrumabo …………… next slide please.

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6. May 2.

MM ANON ……… bless all who come here……… stay safe ……… not sneezing season ……… birthday girls world following ……… sitting on the toilet screaming and howling ……… Plasma fantazma?……… 🎼give a little bit 🎼……… “ I swear ,I’ll send you to bloody Madagascar “……… “another top up sir”………” leave the poor man be Philip “……… “no ma’am not yet” ……… Wilfred!!!!!………… “ Bloody Wilfred!!”……… conspirators will spread another sort of virus.

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7. May 3

MM ANON ………Lucrezia Markle……… For her own well-being … she’s kicking and sedated ……… safety net for Harry ……… a very private LOCK-down ………” GATEWAY“intervention …… “NHS Catherine , Sterling work darling “ …………” yes ,I love Frozen 2” ………… PTA……… “ your experience would be valued ma’am”……… “ I myself am best when least in company “……… absque misericordia

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8. May 4

MM ANON …… granny flap…… delusions of gran-tour…… “ aye, some wantid er’ but Walt dis-ney “…… a p****hub offer worth millions …… a secret return …… Lottie leaded Cambridge assault ……… “ a very prominent speech for VE DAY ma’am”. …… unlocking the unlock able ………… 🎼day by day…🎼………… pause ,pray, proceed. …… optimistic optimism???

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9. May 5

MM ANON …… Thank Dear anon for interpretation …… and yes if you’re struggling dear pg … prayers and hugs

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10. May 5

MM ANON ……… “ hi Kate , how wonderful to hear your voice “😂😂😂………… Archificialy archificial. ……… 🎼but sometimes,ya get what ya need🎼……… “ if you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue “……… a Duchess,a Duchess and a Duchess walked onto a bar……… tunc non transiet ……… an infectious tube……… my my margarita ……… let go let god. ……… ( and Thank skippy).

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11. May 6

MM ANON ………… archificial anniversary ……… “she hasn’t a bloody clue “ ………I speak for Meghan ……… 🎼he’s a real nowhere man🎼……… “ the fool doth think he is wise…… “………… 🎼come fly with me (not)🎼……… A few weeks more …………” we do the outside first Philip” ……… Bloody jigsaw………” Sydney!!!!! “……… “ Mmmmm , interesting, a virtual Balcony “ …………… “ yes , a new medal is appropriate” ………… unlockdown!!! ………… “ give us a hug”.

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12. May 6

MM ANON ……… Sooooooo , where is Harry in the duck / rabbit video????????????????? An archificial attempt to ingratiate herself as a mother of a surrogate child. She looks a tad sheepish 🐏🐏🐏🐏🐏🐏🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑🐑. 😂😂😂😂

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13. May 7

MM ANON … Spider Sandwiches ………… the photographic phenomenon ………… “O Christ, she knows her way round a Cannon” ……… “ modest, small and incremental “ ……… “ she’s still spitting bullets over the duchesses children “ ……… “ my goodness, Charlotte trumps everyone”. ………… another modest outfit. ……… the books a flop, who would buy it? ……… “ dada duck duck”…………”ANOTHER sex tape!!!!! “…………… her irrelevant life………… desperately seeking ANYTHING………… a sad demise Rachael!!

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14. May 7

MM ANON …… dear and inquisitive anons ……… THE RIDDLES ARE “ ENTERTAINMENT “ only, a parody and lightness of spirit and soul! It’s a privilege to be here , by the grace of Skippy …………… enjoy!! 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

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15. VE Day 75, May 8

MM ANON …… My mother was a plotter at Northolt fighter base in 1943 where she met my father who was a pilot, I remember her saying that the Polish pilots were the bravest men she ever met. ………… we shall remember them 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

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16. May 8

MM ANON …… The Queen, god bless her……… blackout ……… the king/ the Queen the nation ……… never give up, never despair ……… the home front……… 🎼some sunny day 🎼………… 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧………… 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸……… 🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦……… and all who fought ……… a day like no other……… at the going down of the sun and in the morning ……………… ‘ we shall remember them.

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17. May 9

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜MM ANON ……… Dear pg , your gracious tribute to the riddle. I Ended the post in tears ………………… respect.

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18. May 9

MM ANON …… “ it’s an unlock Jim, but not as we know it “……… on yer bike……… 🎼that’s life,……🎼………… Bar Wars………… survival of the fit-test……………”a vulgar mansion “…………… Spider sandwiches……… an emotional exhibition, Bravo!! ……… now that’s TRUE grit…………… be- bop-a-loo-la RIP……… The Serenity prayer……thank you for this forum xxxxx…………… it will end ,…one day!!

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19. May 10

MM ANON ……… Rachel 43………… archificial 15 months ……… hospitality will become inhospitable ………… the R factor ………… “Henry, don’t do that”. …… return to school??? …………… no guidelines …………… be alert,the country needs lerts………… risk assessment!!! ………… an issue of safety ………… it’s the economy,stupid!! ………… test, Trace and isolate. ………… a silver lining 🌈🌈

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20. May 11

MM ANON …… Thrive???………… definitely Malibu ………wear a mask ………… confusing but amusing ……… a question of credibility ……… 🎼 we can be heroes ……🎼…” what ever happened to wrinkle cream?”……… love and hugs to all our anon friends ……… 🎼 now there are three steps to heaven 🎼………… Brave New World ……… a quiet Queen.

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21. May 13

MM ANON …… for saving my mother ……… father ……… grandmother …… grandfather …son ……… sister……… brother……… daughter ………… thank you for saving my life nurse / doctor /……… how can I EVER thank you all ……… from the bottom of my ❣ ……… I can never find the words ……… my gratitude is unending ……… god bless you all. ……… GOD BLESS YOU ALL!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

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22. May 13

MM ANON ……… “come on Kate, off to Queens”……… Charlotte goes first……… “George ‘ get your bicycle “……… 🎼bye bye miss American spy🎼……… 🎼listen , do you want to know a secret 🎼……… stay alert 🤣🤣🤣……… trains, planes and automobiles……… driving miss day-see? ……… FOUR!!!! …………… an art gallery,when??……… single prayers please.

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23. May 13.

MM ANON …………… to all who visit ………… riddles are entertainment only … a parody ,a light and fluffy expression. 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂Thank you all for understanding.

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24. May 14

MM ANON …… school of thought ……… bulldoze in and takeover ……… Braveheart & Boris ………… dead theatre ……… GOT………… Charlotte summer ……… anticipation of antibodies ………… China???………… death of Hollywood ………… 🎼blow a little whistle 🎼………… we have no plan B……… I’m so bored ………… “ we’re gonna need a bigger fence”

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25. May 15

MM ANON ……… a lovely surprise ……… sweet Charlotte ……… it’s teaching Jim, ……………”Harry, you know you’ll always have a place “……………”he’s not happy Catherine “ ……… R1………… re-train………… clubbings, clubbed…… Tea-CHING…………… “ yes, that’s a really good question”…………2 metres for ever???………… a rally in Calais. ………… GBHMTQAOGC 🇬🇧🌈🇨🇦

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26. May 16

MM ANON …… “ I’m keeping my tennis shoes on”……… “I’m not getting out of bed for less than 3mill” …… cold nose undercover ………… a learning yearning ………… “friends thou hast, and there adoption tried “…… …… 🎼ya gotta give a little 🎼……………… “I’m not happy about them returning William “ …………… “ One needs ones hair attended too”………… “ I’ll bloody cut it myself !!”……… “ I know!! … SYDNEY!!”

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27. May 17

MM ANON …… a Diamond evaluator ……… Of no consequence whatsoever ……… straight to credits. ………… LA Confidential ………… 🎼no sir I don’t mean maybe 🎼…………… 🎼Don’t fence me in🎼…………… “ I want Adele you a story “……………… The man from U.N.C.L.E. Harry …………… “ ones lockdown sucks” ………… “ miserable without Boddys old thing “ …………… “Sydney’s slacking “.

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28. May 18

MM ANON ……… a personal loss………… the Dynamic Duo………… FPhishing……Nlcola Nike Snike ………… Hydroxy- foxy(do not do this at home)…………………” a suitable case for ( shhhhh) treatment “ ………… “ no comment “ …………… “ a game of cards old thing “…………… “patience Philip ……………” ………… ma’am , it’s Charlotte and George on tic-toc…………… “dance, gan, gan, you dance, … Sydney!!

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29. May 19

MM ANON …… Ana-adversity …… the gathering marital storm…………” first family visit will be the United States when normalisation hits ma’am” …………”life will return ma’am”……… Who is that? …………… guesting the testing ……… “ they won’t return early ma’am”…………… “one speaks to Catherine,daily , and the little ones” ……… “it’s interminable Sydney,” …” a Little top-up sir”

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30. May 20

MM ANON … Regarding the gathering of unhappy people, slutmeg only invited the men she had slept with , with their +ones ……… the members of the RF who attended treating it as a pantomime and a priceless observation of side- eyes and laughter. HMTQ look at slutmeg… EPIC. 😂😂😂😂😂😱😱😱😱😱

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31. May 20

MM ANON ……… 5 years old ‘ COVID security ……… transmission admission??……… 1st. June. …………… A pollution solution ………… free at last……… kiss 💋 me 😱😱😱………… another Father???…………… Spanish,French and judo 😂😂😂…………… lies,damm lies, and MM……… an expensive squat………… A Greece-y gamble. ………… “ is one sitting comfortably’ good, Once apon a time “

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32. May 21

MM ANON …… “what , seen at Lympstone “………… a Diplomatic retreat ……… A-Nul-ment………… NY bio-diver-city……… facegrime ………… Charles, a man for all see-sons……… thermal Heathrow ………… 1st Solo address ………… high-end-ing ………… “ clever children, such a lovely dance”……… “ no darlings gan-pops with Sydney “………… “ yes’ we’ll all bake a cake “………… “ pretty Jim-jams Charlotte “.

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33. May 22

MM ANON …… 88 two fat ladies ……… two blacked out Discovery’s in St Leonard’s ……… Priti Draconian …… pray,or else!! ………… gel my temperature ……… wash your hands then wrinkle cream ……… a memorial event ………… Hong-Gone…………” well, wake him up Sydney!!………… “bloody hell Sydney “ ………… “ sorry ma’am , Charlotte wants to play bingo”……… “ wonderful , clickerty duck”

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34. May 23

MM ANON …… 44 million? ………… anons’ how much on clothes?………… “still looked trash”………… evidences of past yachting 😱😱😱😱😱………… LA EX?? ………… “ in Exeter”…………… “ Josh Stones!!“………… a second peak? ……………not in Spain 🥳🥳🥳………… meanwhile in WC. ……… “ gan gan I want a tiara “ ………… “ and one day you shall “ ……… “ is nanny back Catherine?”……… “where’s my bloody slippers “ ……” your wearing them sir”

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35. May 23

ANON … As we all submit our little posts give a thought for the reason we can , it’s the ever faithful skippy and her eclectic forum ……… love, prayers, animals, history, royalty, and silliness ……… god bless you dear skippy 💜💜💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

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36. May 24

MM ANON …… Cummings going?………Lottie nottie going ……… Harry’s 💡 idea……… “give birth? Incapable!! ……… “during yachting “………… “ I’ve seen the evidence “ ………… “ she lied to TBRF” ……… MOS knows!! …… 🎼we’re all going on a summer 🎼………… to pray or not pray………… “ Pleeeeez gan gan!! “……… “ one day you shall sweet girl” ……… “ next year , if things are admissible “ ……… “ he’s a tad grumpy ma’am”……… “ ignore him Sydney”

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37. May 25

MM ANON …… Charlottes WWWeb……… Rules, What Rules. ……… in flight,flight. ………… Tinsel down……… hugs not bugs ………… non essential retailers open ………… no pubs, sport , cinemas, theatres, …………… Cummings,a shaggy dog story. ……… a very angry electorate ………… “ I want to go school gan gan”………“let’s see your dancing “………”no, school gan gan!!……… “ Oooooo, whats mummy doing “ ………… “ Sydney, refreshments ‘please.

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38. May 25

MM ANON …… MEMORIAL DAY …IN HONOUR OF THEIR SERVICE ……………… 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇬🇧

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39. May 26

MM ANON …… Kate re-opening high street……… “excellent, as retail ambassador “……… W&K will have the public’s ear” …………”a late family tour ma’am’……… “ that’ll put a a Kate among the pidgins” …… “ a damaging tome sir “……… “ opening book shops, how’ll that work?……… “you can’t handle books……… “ o’ Philip, a quiet night”…… “ bloody hell !! What’ no tic-toc ?……… “nanny’s organised bingo”:…… “ ahhh, ……… Sydney ‘ something strong!!

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40. May 27

MM ANON …… KATE MIDDLETON IS A FUTURE QUEEN! She has three beautiful children and a loving husband, solid, grounded and intelligent. THIS IS THE FUTURE OF OUR MONARCHY ,I THINK SHE HAS MORE SPIRITUAL STRENGTH. AND WILL BE THE FOUNDATION OF THE CAMBRIDGE FUTURE. GBHMTQAOGC 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧

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41. May 27

MM ANON ………”I get tired of Lottie tic-toc-ing” ………… “little Louis gets tired using the trampoline “……… “ I’m off to Queens,tennis “……… back on his Ducati……… Nanny is making 🥘 paella ………… “I’ve managed to acquire that box set ma’am” …… “ Gangs of London or The Sopranos“……… both ma’am”……… “bloody epic Sydney “……… “ is that bumbling Minister still running round the palace “……… “ tell him to piss-orf”……… “ top-ups”

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42. May 28

MM ANON …… MM drone ing on…… tittle Tatler ……… lockdown tour T-shirt ………… ahhhhhhh, rate!! ……… school digital haves’ digital have nots……… rid the clap!! ………… one metre ………… “ it’s football Jim, but not as we know it “………… “To his good friends, thus wide lle ope my Armes: ……… “ look Philip,it’s Louis bouncing “ ……… “they have a new dance”……… “ return of a routine“…………” Maria and Lottie swimming “ …… “bloody hydrotherapy on Sunday “……… “ I think that’s enough Sydney “

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43. May 29

MM ANON ……… looting/ shooting ………… “ tic-toc Nanny”………… “ ok! Charlotte, get Louis too” ……… “ George,do it properly “……… W&K , It’s a challenging schedule ma’am” …………” there having a bike day at Brands Hatch with Ducati “ ……… “ Nottingham cottage ma’am”………… “like old times ma’ am”……………” I’ll have a quiet word with Donald “………… “ not Philip, his diplomacy is wanting”………… “exiting times ma’am”……… “ one shall insist on compliance Christopher “

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44. May 30

MM ANON …………… another billionaire friend ………… she lies on lies…………desperate for attention ……… a roadmap to nowhere ……… up up and away ……… all white on the night …………LTA talks with Kate ………… MENSA with Charlotte??………… “ bright as a button ma’am”. …… “ not this side of the family “………” there coming over next week”………” Mmmmm , live tic-toc”……… fairycakes Sydney.

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45. May 31

MM ANON …… it Musk be love ……… nine elms………… agent provocateur ………… teetering on the edge………… body cams?? ………… amateur photographers unite ………… front line statue ……… 🎼I heard it on the grapevine 🎼………… “ no darling not today”……” we’re going to visit gan gan” …………”staying overnight ma’am” ………… “ a few days Sydney “………… “ tomorrow night, it’s a little concert Philip, don’t get grumpy “ ………… “bloody hell, I’m low on refreshments. “

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46. June 01

MM ANON … Balmoral Fern………… plastic Nile. ………… in the Bunker ………… Autopsy …………………Truth , Justice and the American way ………… WC welcome …………… “ would one know how to barbecue Sydney??” ………… William will oblige ma’am……”one prefers coronation chicken “…………… “unicorn sausages ,Lottie George??……… “just salad ma’am. “

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47. June 02

MM ANON ……… keep your distance ………” it’s a curfew Jim , but not as we know it “ …… “ A plague o’ both your houses “……… house today , gone tomorrow ………… “all lives matter “ …………… cut and roots and streaks ……… B&EC are reluctant to return ………… Minister misleads testing ……… office of national ridistics ……… 🎼I I see a bad moon rising 🎼………… blackout Tuesday ………… “ “wear a body-cam old thing, then I can pretend I’m riding “ …………… “one would look ridiculous Philip!!”……… “ Sydney, stop pouring “

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48. June 03

MM ANON …… 2020 another royal baby ………… development in Portugal ……… more charges eminent Minnesota ……… a wet summer ………… ISS a strange smell? ……… … London protests …………NAACP……… size 12 , and the shoes 👠 ……………” mummy , mummy- goes viral ………” we’ll old thing, I wasn’t expecting that ending “……… “ so enjoyable Philip ‘ anymore Sydney?……… “ I think Catherine has Peaky-Blinders ma’am” …… “ is it a bit GBH ? “ ……… “ yes ma’am”……… “Ohhhh goody”.

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49. June 04

MM ANON ……MM heartfelt acting……… W&K just heartfelt 💓………… the Tatler connection ………… 🎼stormy weather …………… 🎼………… MadDog…………2nd degree. X 4……………… 14 days to binge. ……… a Russian contamination …………vaccine summit ……… ”that’s a terrible selfie Philip, it’ll frighten her” ………” let Sydney do it!! “ ……… “take one together ma’am” ……… “ give me the bloody thing !! “ …… bloody tic-toc “ ………… “ one zooms” ……… “get him some refreshments Sydney”

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50. June 04

MM ANON …… “ Heartfelt video “ anything heartfelt in the life of MM is self indulgent. A selfish PR attempt to seem engaged in the national conciseness Her agenda …… “how can I make this about ME!!! “ this woman is so shallow. ………… a Caucasian of infinite insults. A pitifully example of insecurity and ego. A walking talking resentment. God help her!!

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51. June 5

MM ANON …… never look a gift bandwagon in the mouth…… everyone is crawling out the woodwork ……… “I’m covert 19 , fly me” ……… M&H on the March??? ………… over 40,000………… flight attendant/ ……… the dodgy R…………… mandatory masks ………… The Amazon too ??? ………… online celebrity … “ There here Philip “ …………” one has to distance darlings “ …… “ yes there lovely shoes” ……… “ look Philip, live tic-toc “………” it’s wonderful wonderful “ ………… “amazing, he’s shot up “ ………” shall we have a little refreshments?”

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52. June 6

MM ANON …… the battle of Whitehall ……… agent Provocateurs………new trading …… it’s a Sunday Jim ,but not as we know it ………… social distancing got wet……… antibodies have the answer ……… R is above 1 in the SWest Of England. 😱😱😱😱……… second spike😱😱😱………🎼when I was 65 ,it was a very good year 🎼………… “ look it’s mummies wedding “ ……… “it’s mummy gan gan” ……… “ yes , so pretty the coach “ ………” I want one “ ……… “ one day sweetie, one day” ………” will you come gan gan ? “ ………… “ I’ll try darling “.

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53. June 7

MM ANON …… I’d like to thank pg /LK and all the anons who attempt/ solve and interpretations of the riddles that skippy graciously lets me post 💜💜💜🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻💓💓💓🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧Many thanks to all those who partake.

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54. June 7

MM ANON ……who’s her next favourite millionaire ……… Malibu?? ……… NYC??……… another sad video cry for help ……… archificial ( firsts words) 🤣🤣🤣………… mad / bad & dangerous to know ……… “ it’s me, me film me!! ………… “ turn around!! “ ……… “ he’s not letting her agenda rule” ………” this is not up for debate “………… “yes ones looking forward to traveling up there “ ………” get in touch with the Gillie” …………… “ can one travel to ones other residence?…………… “ can’t find my bloody glasses, Sydney!!

——————

55. June 8

MM ANON ……D.O.J.……… A Stern retort. ………… the sept. Soothsayer ……… A 14 day suicide for the trade………… in court today ……… Beatrice tooo tu!! …………… wonderful Wessex……… more photos from Kate??? ……… no fuss birthday ………… “ shall one suggest a gathering of 8 .” ………” no, silly’ Balmoral?? ……… MM desperatum iri videbatur……

—————-

56. June 9

MM ANON ……… everyone and their brother,brother ……… wow!! What a photo Kate!!…………… little Louis gets a surprise …………… a well rounded future of three( four) ……… A birthday tic-toc dance………… “ do Catherine , come and bring the children “………… “maybe a change of routine “………… “ Both of you are an example hope”……… “ yes George,I’ll see if we can get to a match”

——————

57. June 10

MM ANON … Gone……………everything is now B&W…………… “ but’ tomorrow is another day”………… “ but old thing, I look like bloody Bela Lugosi” ………… “ shutup Philip”……… “ just Take the bloody picture “.………”they’ve hardly ever been on a train William “………… “ yes , they’d be very excited 😜 “ ………… 🎼we’re all going to the zoo tomorrow 🎼…………… she lies for exposure……… yachting’ secret exposure !! …………… this time it’s explosive!! ………… “ great scoop Beth.”

—————

58. June 11.

MM ANON …… dib dib dib……… one metre before July …………care-ing monarch online ……… 🎼What picture,what a photograph 🎼………… DOC museum of photography ? ………. Columbus falls……… “ I shall insist it’s the best TTC old thing “ …………a trace race. ………… Sunday Balmoral?? ………… “ plenty of fresh air for them” ……… “ in the lodge” ……… “C&C can stay here” ……………” your good at this zoom lark old thing “…………… “Group Of eight, a dinner party

——————

59. June 12

MM ANON …… for the anon who thinks she has superior knowledge of the riddles and has a problem with the wonderful interpretations of LK and pg. ……… I suggest you join the other ignorant anons who pay us a fleeting visit ……………THEN DISAPPEAR!! Skippy, we’re the ones who love you 💜💜💜💜💜

———————

60. June 12

MM ANON …… my BFF , sacked……… mr President,welcome ……… on mental health ‘ goal……… “they’ll still turn up old thing “………… “ they won’t see anything Philip “ ……… Boris,incandescent!! ……… “🍕 Pizza night children “………… “ thecrown old thing “ ……… “ NO!!” ………… “ we haven’t finished peakyblinders” ……… “ bloody brummies” ……… “ PHILIP!!………… Sydney ‘ we’re out of your refreshment sir “ ………… WHAT!!

——————-

61. June 13

MM ANON …HMTQ was social distancing ……… beautiful in blue……… “ amazing bloody parade “…… to Broach the subject …… “ you looked magnificent old thing”. ……… KHAN GET IT RIGHT …… a WEE disturbing …… hugs 🤗 not bugs……… the China syndrome ……… open market 😱😱😱………… won’t ring Beijing …………… “ Ahhh, Sydney, you refreshed the refreshments “ ………” ignore him Sydney “………… “ I found an old vidio TTC , 1975 Old thing, our favourite hits” ……… “ those were ones days” ………” we looked the mutts-nuts old thing

—————

62. June 14

MM ANON …… Adeleville……… Westfield?? ………… Charlottes delivery …………… 🎼grab the cash with both hands🎼………… another scam charity …………… she’s a race… ist ………… she publishes the book ………………… we will destroy her, we have the tapes…… “ no more Mrs, nice ma’am!! “ ………… “ ones gloves are orf Christopher ………… “ it was a very good year,old thing “.

——————

63. June 15.

MM ANON ……… Shetland lift-off……… LIZA with a ‘ don’t know em……………” it’s shopping Jim, but not as we show it……… “ matter of fact it’s all dark” …………… first jet easy ………… Brexit,old white guys drinking a lot. …………… a moment of reckoning ……… a virtual Wimbledon?? ………… Catherine to the rescue …… “ Ahhh , a relaxing night old thing “ …………… “Sydney’s provided a new box set” …… “Boardwalk Empire” ………“ bit violent old thing” ……… “ Epic Philip!!”…… “ones usual Sydney “………… “great!! No bloody tic toc.

——————

64. June 16

MM ANON …… “she Ascot nothing on me” ………… para-thanks William ……… PC , LOST weight??…………Oxford,Oxford ……… STIR-oid ………U-Turn dinner …………… falling tragedy ………… the Paris peasants are revolting ……… ……… “ we can still dress-up cabbage 🥬 “ ………… “Anne, my yellow ensemble”……… “Sydney ‘ a photo”………… “that’s a keeper, old thing” ……… “ here we go , tic-toc, the three of them” ………… “O, and Catherine!!” ………… “ ehhhh, And William “ ………… “ make it a double Sydney “…… “ how entertaining Philip “

——————

65. June 17

MM ANON … Goal no goal, offside!! …………red zone……… rear ended,whoops!! ………… saliva sample ………… another rally?? …………… a £ 900,000 paint job. ………… madam NYC incognito …………ZOOM to William ……… mutant outbreak confirmed ……………… NDA bombshell. …………joining the UN? …………… Chile lockdown ………”how many episodes old thing “ ………… “ yes , that Nucky chappie is a tad violent” ………… “ she’s meeting at Wimbledon “……………… “ Nanny’s taking them to the zoo”

—————-

66. June 18

MM ANON ……… “NEVER………… “ ………” mon dieu” …… 🎼some sunny day 🎼……… “ good to meet again Mr President “………air corridor ……… “ to be honest,he was an obnoxious old bastard” ……… world beating 🍒……… non app- licable …… “ Bolt-hole. ………… self interest ……… BOE- more money!! …………… pepper sprayed……… “ O Philip, it’s the last one “……… “Always Downton Abbey old thing”

——————

67. June 19

MM ANON …… HMTQ boost……… cup cakes in kings-him ………… Garden-send-her ……… September kids ………… hack Australia ………… Bei-ching ………… Charlotte & George together ………… no longer alert ?? ………… “ get packed Philip we’re orf soon” ………debt, what debt? ……… slave day………… ONS………… “ bubble bubble- toil and trouble” ……… 🎼teach your children well🎼………… “Sydney ‘ don’t forget my tigger PJs”……… 🎼swing low,sweet chariot 🎼………… “ Cabbage ‘ it’s tic-toc time”.

—————-

68. June 20

MM ANON ……… Hello!! ………… “ It’s a rally Jim , ……… viva espana ………… 🎼drink, drink, drink,🎼…………… black wall……… MM , another agenda!! ………… bollotics ………… “ Kate and William,the children are with nanny “ ………… “ Dover Sole and lemon parfait old thing “………… cream caramel,and Irish coffee Sydney!! ………… “September 9th ma’am. …… “ Stay over Catherine “

——————

69. June 21

MM ANON … give us a hug………… Duchess of Cambridge Royal collection ……… in the footsteps of lord Lichfield ………… EOS C700 Christmas present … … “ slow the testing down”…………Kung-flu…………… Size matters………… reopening NYC……… “ get ya hair 💇🏽‍♀️💇🏼‍♂️cut” …………… “ 🙋‍♂️🙋‍♀️🍺 “ ………… Rachel for president?? …………… archificial daddy day?? ……… spotted in St Johns Wood.

——————-

70. June 22

MM ANON ……… noose-car……… Ahhhh, Germany……… BOE-meltdown ………… free at last………… testing the TEST!! 🏏……… Terrorisk ………… ONE ,small step………”I think She’s turning Japanese”………… Saint Lennox …………… A rush of wind…………… “ well now you’re free to be reunited with the little monsters”……… “ bloody hell’ what a joy” ………… “ O Philip ‘ hugs 🤗 lots of hugs” ………… “ and live tic-toc , I can hardly wait “ ………” I’ll have to muster some liquid courage, Sydney!! “

——————

71. June 25

MM ANON ……”they seek him there” ……… your services are no longer required ……… street rumble ……… phwew, wot a scorcher………… we’ll fight them on the beaches ………… it’s sunburn Jim , but not as we know it ………… mutation sensation ……………🎼you’ll neeeeeeever walk alone🎼……………… sign on the million dotted line ………… take the TRASH out…………… “ a letter ma’am”.

—————-

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orthotic-shoes-provider · 2 years

Link

Medical Shoes Sydney

#Medical Shoes Sydney

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calpalirwin · 4 years

Text

I Hate California

Summary: Blake Harris’ symbol of why he hates California ends up at his work.

A/N: I’ve been in a bit of a writer’s funk, so @frontmanash suggested I write something more on the outside of my comfort fluffy writing zone. So, we have her (and Dylan Brady’s I Hate California) to thank for this masterpiece.

Content: Just angst.

Word Count: 2.2k

And away, and away we go!

I braced my hands on my knees, breathing hard. Despite the scorching heat that made me feel like all the water in the world wouldn’t be enough to quench my thirst, and the scratches on my legs from our hike, I couldn’t help but smile over at the boy who stood on the edge of the world, his arms stretched out wide. The view was impeccable, like he had promised, but him and I had differing opinions on what that view was. “Isn’t it beautiful?” he breathed, his eyes shining like melted gold in the sun.

“Very,” I grinned. “You’d fit in good here, babe.”

“You think?!” he asked, his voice full of excitement and hope.

“Yeah, had you more pegged as a Seattle type, though,” I teased.

His laugh rang out around us, a loud boyish sound that warmed me up more than the California sun could ever hope to do on its own. “Very funny, babe. But LA is where the music scene is now. It’s where everything is.”

“It’s not where I am,” I whispered in his ear, wrapping my arms around his waist, resting my chin on his shoulder.

He laughed again, too enchanted with the daydream playing his head to properly digest my words. “Neither am I. But I could be.”

“I.” My heart cracked, a small fissure forming. Not “we.”

~~~

5 Years Later

My throat tightened and tears sprang to my eyes. So Ashton had finally done it. The last domino in a long line of my world crashing down. An ending I had seen from the beginning. Something that was still just a hopeful daydream when we had last seen each other. When we had set into motion the end to our thunderous finish.

And now the radio station I worked at was having them as our guests. I hated how every time I closed my eyes everything replayed like a movie scene.

To those who passed by us, we looked like mad men, our shouts echoing off the buildings as we screamed at each other, his soft brown curls frizzing at the edges in the London rain. The final sob stuck in my chest as the reality we had tried for so long to deny set in around us. No matter how happy we were together, or how well we fit together, I knew he was happier in his life without me. And as selfishly as I wanted to keep him, to keep screaming until our voices grew hoarse and we collapsed one last time in each other’s arms, I understood that I had to let him go. To free him to keep living his life in London, or to move to Los Angeles, a city I knew held a place in his heart that I had been trying in vain to fill with myself.

I hated how badly I still hurt from a loss I knew was coming. And I absolutely despised California.

~~~

“And here in the studio with D and B in the Afternoon, it’s Sydney's success story, 5SOS!” Danica Schmidt, my co-host introduced, getting the interview going. “Happy to have you boys.”

“Happy to be here,” they answered, shaking our hands before taking the offered seats, adjusting their headphones as they did so.

It wasn’t lost on me how Ashton’s fingers brushed against mine when we moved away from each other, prolonging the contact, nor how his soft gaze stayed on me as he took his seat. A better man would have been ashamed at the smug satisfaction that coursed through me when I broke contact to busy myself with the notes for our interview and his smile faltered.

I let the practiced professionalism that came with doing a million interviews just like this one propel me through the last hour of our show, matching Danica’s positive energy for the sake of not sounding as dead on air as I actually felt. The more Danica and I rolled out the stats of 5SOS’ success, and listened to Ashton reassure us that him and the boys were really excited to be living their dreams, the more I wanted to vomit all over the studio and his expensive shoes.

After the small entirety of hell on Earth, I got to say, “Well, that’s all the time we have for today. Thank you again, 5SOS, for coming in for a chat.”

“Yes, lovely to see you boys and catch up. Best of luck to ya,” Danica smiled.

“Thanks for having us,” they chorused.

“That’s it for D and B in the Afternoon, I’m Danica Schmidt,” Danica started our outro.

“And I’m Blake Harris.”

“And we’re 5SOS, and this is our hit single off our newest album, Youngblood. Be sure to pick up a copy.”

~~~

“Blake, wait up!” Ashton called out to me, his footsteps heavy as he half-jogged down the hallway to catch up to me. I kept walking. “Seriously, B?”

“Is there something I can help you with?” I asked, pausing and turning to look at him. I hated how I only came up to his chin, and how badly that made me want to rest under it like I used to. I forced my own chin upwards to look at the irritation written across his face. Again, smug satisfaction washed over me and I didn’t have it in me to feel ashamed for it. As happy as I was for him that he was happy, I hated that it was at my expense. I hated that he had never been mine to keep; that I had lost him before he ever really had a chance to be mine to start with. And I hated the fact that there would always be a piece of me that still loved him and probably always would. So to know I could still get under his skin the way he would always be under mine felt good, even if it did feel dirty.

Those pretty eyes that haunted my dreams rolled and his tongue clicked in his cheek, stemming his agitation. “That's how it’s gonna be, huh?”

“That’s how what’s gonna be, Ashton? You coming back into my life for a radio show, and then breezing right back out of it to do the next spectacular thing on the list of spectacular things Ashton Irwin can do without Blake Harris holding him back?”

“I- I didn’t know it was your radio show. If I had I-”

It was my turn to roll my eyes. “Of course ya didn’t…” I muttered. Why would he? Why would I be anything beyond a brief sentence in his life story? Why was I stupid enough to think I could have been more to him; the way he had been more to me?

“Blake Harris, pity party of 1, your table’s ready.”

“Yep. Good to see you too, Ashton.” I willed my feet to turn and move me further down the hall, putting him behind me.

I made it to my car before he caught up, his hand slamming down on my roof. “Damn you!” he cursed.

“What?” I was too exhausted to match his level of anger, and even if I wasn’t, I didn’t have it in me to fight a battle with him I had lost years ago. When I started my job at the radio station, I had been aware of the risk I was taking. I was aware that this moment right here could be happening, much like it was. I had rehearsed speeches, and played out scenarios almost as often as I had relived my actual moments with him. But now? All my attacks died on my tongue. I didn’t want him to admit that he was hurting the way that I was. I didn’t want him to hurt at all.

“You’re just going to push me away again?” The question caught me off-guard. In all my mind’s scenarios I never imagined him sounding so broken.

“I never pushed you away, Ashton. You can’t push something away you never had to begin with.”

“That’s because you never gave me a chance to be yours! You held me at arm’s length, remember?!”

My blood boiled and even though I hadn’t wanted to, I was fighting back. “You never wanted to be mine! You’ve always been in love with places, Ashton, not people!”

“What is so wrong about me wanting a life for myself?!”

“Nothing! God, Ashton, can’t you see that’s why I let go?! I knew I wasn’t enough for you, but I was selfish enough to try anyway!”

“You should have tried harder!”

“Why?! So it can hurt me more to see you happy in LA?!”

“Who said I was happy?!”

His question stunned me. If he wasn’t happy, then what had all this hurt been for? “Are you?”

“Yes…”

“Good. I love that you’re happy. I love that you have the life you always wanted for yourself.”

“But that didn’t mean I didn’t want you, too. God, Blake, you didn’t give me a fair chance, and we both know it. To you, we were doomed from the start, and you never bothered to check if it was true.”

“That’s not true…”

“Yes it is!” His fight was back, but heartwrenchingly so.

“No, it’s not!” I hurled back the schoolyard defense. “You were in love with LA, and what it could give you!”

“I was in love with you, too!”

“No you weren’t! You said “I” not “we,” Ashton! I was there! I remember!”

“You’re seriously going to take one part of one conversation over our entire relationship?!”

“It wasn’t just one part of one conversation, Ashton! It was every conversation! Whenever you talked about your plans, I was never in them!”

“I didn’t think you wanted to!”

“That right there was the problem! You didn’t think, Ashton! You never did!”

“Then why didn’t you ever say anything?! Why did you expect me to read your mind?! Why couldn’t you just let me in?!”

“Because you deserve LA! You deserve everything it’s given you and then some! You deserve everything that makes you happiest and I wasn’t it! I was never going to be what made you happy!”

“That wasn’t your decision to make for me, B! It’s my life, don’t you think I should get final say on who’s in it?!”

“You did get final say, Ashton! You went to LA , and left me with the memories! And I love that you love it, Ash, I really do. But I hate it. I hate that it has your heart in a way I never could. I hate that it keeps you warmer than my arms did. I hate California!”

“Then hate California, Blake! Go ahead and keep telling yourself the same bullshit lie about how you lost me to a place! A place! Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?! You’re a person, Blake! You were never in competition with LA, just your own doubts.”

“My own doubts that you proved right at every turn, Ashton! You never missed me. Not the way I missed you.”

“And how do you know that?! How do you know that I didn’t miss you back then?! That I still don’t miss you now?! That I haven’t been playing scenarios of conversations just like this, only in those scenarios we don’t say a word, we just… fall back into place like we’re supposed to?”

“Because this isn’t some fantasy with a happy ending! Because this is reality! Because you’re fuckin happy, Ashton! God damn it! You’re happy. Without me.”

“I could’ve been happier with you, Blake!”

“Or you could’ve been fuckin miserable!”

“Yeah, well I’m already pretty fuckin miserable, so I guess you were right. Huh?! Is that what you want to hear?! That I’m miserable without you?! That even though I’m happy with my life I still feel empty because there’s a you-shaped hole in it?! Huh?! Is that what you want?! For me to scream out some declaration that reassures every doubt you ever had about us, and erases every stab of pain you ever felt?! The magical phrase of “I love you” that fixes years of silence and shit?! Because I’ll say it Blake! If that’s what it takes, I swear I’ll say it!”

“I want you to mean it! I want you to love me with the same devotion you love LA! That you would chase down everything to be with me! Damn it, Ash! I want to be chosen! And I want the person choosing me to mean it with every part of their being!”

“I did! I did mean it! I did choose you! You just never chose me back because you didn’t believe in what we were!”

“Did. Past tense...”

“I tried Blake... God damn it, I tried, but being with you was like dating a brick wall.”

“Yeah. Some fight you put up...”

“Whatever. If it’s easier for you to have me be the villain in your story, fine. Whatever makes you happy, Blake.”

“It wasn’t my happiness I cared about. Maybe if it was then this would be a different conversation.”

“Yeah, well… live and learn. G’bye Blake.” He hesitated briefly, his fingers giving a drumming tap on the roof of my car. Then, he was walking across the parking lot, and away from me. And I hated that I couldn’t hate him the way I hated myself and that damn state.

Tag List

@frontmanash @goeatsomelife @flameraine @here-for-the-uproars @cxddlyash @1-irwin-94 @sparkling-calm @tea4sykes @youngblood199456 @5-seconds-of-obsession @gosh-im-short @aquarius-hood1996 @talkfastromance4 @itjustkindahappenedreally @philthepegacorn @boomerash

#i hate california #ashton irwin #ashton irwin fic #galcal irwin

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allthingsfangirl101 · 5 years

Text

Chapter 4: The Support Group

Masterlist

Abby's POV

It's been two weeks since Caleb and I Skyped, and I haven't had a proper night's sleep since he left. I was sitting at work, going through files and answering the phone, when I felt my cell phone buzz. I looked to see my boss was preoccupied before looking at the text.

Felicia: Hey, honey. Sydney has to make dinner to earn her Homemaking badge for girls scouts. Want to come over? (If it's bad, I promise I will order pizza.)

I laughed at her text before quickly typing a response.

Me: Sounds like fun. Can I bring anything?

Felicia: Just your cute self. ;) Felicia: Oh, and a dessert. See you tonight? Around 6:30?

Me: That I can do (to both). I will see you two gorgeous ladies tonight at 6:30.

The rest of work went by like normal. Before I knew it, I was at home changing out of my pencil skirt and into a nice pair of jeans.

I drove to their house, the apple pie I picked up from the grocery store in the passenger seat. I parked my car on the street and headed up their driveway.

I smiled as the door swung open. "Abby!" I laughed as Sydney wrapped her arms around me.

"Hey, Syd." I smiled as I hugged her back. "How's my favorite kid?"

"I'm good," she shrugged, pulling out of the hug.

"Just good?" I asked.

"I miss my dad," she said, softly as she looked down at her shoes.

"I know," I said softly, making her look up at me. "I miss Caleb. And I know that they miss us too." I kissed her forehead before walking with her into the kitchen.

"Hey honey," Felicia greeted as we walked into the kitchen.

"I brought a pie."

Felicia looked up at the grocery bag in my hand and smiled. "Store-bought. My favorite," she teased. She laughed before adding, "I actually love that brand. Whenever we have to take food to a party, I buy that brand and say I made it myself."

I laughed at the wink she sent me as we walked into the kitchen. Throughout dinner, as Syd talked about school and her friends, I noticed Felicia watching me. Closer than normal. Almost like she was studying me or seeing right through me.

After dinner, we watched a movie before Felicia made Sydney go to bed. "Night, Abby." She said, giving me a hug before jogging up the stairs.

"Night, Syd," I called up after her. I walked back into the kitchen to see Felicia pouring two glasses of wine. "She's a strong girl."

She looked up at me and smiled. "Yes, she is. I'm proud of her."

I hesitated before asking, "Do you ever hate that Mike leaves you guys every couple of months? It can't. . . It can't be easy on you or Sydney."

"I'd be lying if I said it was easy," she said as she handed me a glass. We walked into the other room, sitting on the couch as we continued to talk.

"It's never easy saying goodbye, but day-to-day you get used to it. You get used to not seeing him every day. You adjust to talking once every few weeks–if that. You get used to going to sleep and waking up alone."

"That's the hardest part for me. Going to sleep just to wake up in a cold, empty bed," I muttered under my breath as I lifted my glass to my lips.

She watched me as I took a sip. "How are you doing with all of this?" She asked gently.

I bit my lip, knowing that if I lied she would see right through me. "The first time is always the hardest," she added.

"I try to be strong, for him. But, it's hard. The other day when we Skyped, he told me that he didn't think it was worth it. He didn't think that what he was doing was worth being away from me."

"What did you say?"

"What was I supposed to say?" I asked, letting out a forced laugh. "I told him that it was. That it was the first week and it would get better. Easier." I sighed as I tucked my knees up under me.

"I miss him, Felicia. So much. All day, I'm terrified. Every time I come home and there is a message on the machine, I fear the worst. I fear that one day, I am going to answer the phone and it will be someone telling me there was an accident. I am constantly terrified that I will never see him again."

At this point, tears were streaming down my cheeks. Felicia reached over and grabbed my hand. "It's going to be okay, sweetheart," she said gently. "It'll take time, but it'll get easier."

She hesitated before adding, "What are you doing tomorrow night?"

"Nothing," I shrugged.

"There is a group, a support group, for loved ones of workers on the rig. They meet once a week at the church down the street. We get together and talk about our fears. It may seem silly, but it has helped me a lot. Being in a room of people who are also terrified, helps. Come with me. They are always welcoming newcomers."

I thought about it for a second before sighing. It couldn't hurt to go just once, right?

"Sure," I said quietly. "I'll. . I'll come."

She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze as she sent me a smile. "It'll be good, I promise."

* * * * *

I sat in the cold chair, subconsciously playing with the seam of my shirt as I avoided eye contact. Felicia was sitting next to me, talking to a woman she knew.

Part of me felt silly sitting in this group. As I looked around, I noticed it was mostly older women, a few men, all in their late thirties to early forties. I was the only one still in their twenties. And it showed.

"Hello, everybody." Said an overly cheery voice. I followed the voice to see a woman, around Felicia's age, in a brightly colored dress with over the top red lipstick.

I tried to pay attention as we went around the circle, but I noticed that the more stories and worries shared, the more my fears intensified. I should have been comforted with how everyone else in the circle felt the same way I did. But, I wasn't. The reassurance was replaced with justification.

"What about you, sweetheart?"

I looked up to see everyone looking at me. I glanced over at Felicia to see her sending me an encouraging smile. I cleared my throat and nervously played with my fingers, subconsciously spinning my engagement ring.

"My name is Abigail Peterson. I'm engaged to Caleb Holloway, but you guys probably know him better as Hollywood." I smiled as a few people around the circle laughed.

"He's the youngest on the rig," I continued. I paused, unsure of what to say. "And. . . I'm scared. I don't know what to expect. I don't know what they do. I don't know if it's dangerous. I don't know the risks."

I paused, trying to stop the tears. I took a deep breath as I continued, "He's my best friend. We've known each other since I moved to town. It was junior year, so everyone already had their tight groups of friends. I spent months eating lunch alone, walking to my classes by myself and not talking to anyone. Until one day, something changed."

I smiled as I remembered that day. "Caleb broke the nonofficial seating chart and sat next to me in our Chemistry class. Not just next to me, but in the seat that made him my partner. It started with him sitting next to me, saying "hi" every day and then went to him sitting with me at lunch, asking if I could help him study, and inviting me to parties. By the end of that year, we had become close friends. Senior year, some girls were bullying me. Well, they had been bullying me since my first day at that school, but senior year they got worse."

I bit back the tears as I looked back down at my hands. "When Caleb found out, he was furious. He started walking me to every class, immediately waiting for me as soon as the bell rang, and whatever else he could do so he was always there. When they tried to bully me again, he instantly stood up for me. He told them to stay away from me and, surprisingly, they did. That's when it all changed," I said, my voice breaking.

"That's when he changed. He started acting differently around me. He would sit closer to me, started putting his arm across the back of my chair, even holding my hand as we walked down the hallway. When prom came around, he asked me to go as his date. That night, he told me he loved me. We've been together ever since."

I looked up to see everyone smiling at me, some woman even had tears in their eyes. "He's always been by my side and now that he isn't. . ." My voice cracked. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. "For as long as I have known him, he's talked about working on the oil rig. So, when he got the chance, he jumped at it. Because I love him, I supported him. How could I not? But, when we woke up the morning he was leaving, he was hesitant."

I looked back down at my hands, tears slowly starting to stream down my cheeks. "He debated whether to go or to stay home, with me. As he went back and forth, I knew that if I had asked him to stay, he would have. But. . . I couldn't, right? I couldn't ask him to give up his dream for me. That's not what love is. Love is supporting each other, through everything. Through anything. I hate the saying, "if you love someone, let them go". I didn't use to hate that saying until I fell in love with Caleb. "

"All I want is to live a life with Caleb. I want to marry him, have a family, and grow old with him. But, this rig risks that dream. I have tried to be strong and brave for him, but. . . it's hard. It's hard when every night, I dream of losing him. It's hard when every time my phone rings, I'm almost too scared to answer it. It's hard when I barely talk to him. It's hard having the man I love be so far away."

I took a deep breath, officially out of things to say. I looked up at the group and shrugged. "I'm scared of losing him. I can't help it." I gasped when I felt someone grab my hand. I looked over to see Felicia smiling at me as she gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Abigail," the woman in charge said softly. "It's okay to be scared. We have all felt the worry, the constant fear, the anxiety as we sent off our loved one to a dangerous job. Especially the first time we sent them off. We just have to remember one thing; take it one day at a time."

As they wrapped up the meeting, I kept thinking about the one thing I was supposed to remember. It was definitely easier said than done.

After the meeting, people stayed to eat the refreshments and help clean up. I lost count of how many people came over and said one of the same six things.

"You're doing great."

"You are so strong."

"You will get through this."

"Just take it one day at a time."

"Hang in there, sweetie. It'll get easier."

"I'm proud of you for coming here and telling us your fears."

The woman in charge said all six to me within ten minutes.

"They can be a little intense." I looked over to see Felicia walking over to me.

"Yeah," I said letting out an awkward laugh. "A little."

She pulled me into a side hug. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "The first time is always like that, but you did great."

"Thanks," I sighed.

"Do you want to go get coffee?" She asked, looking at me knowingly.

"No thanks," I said softly. "I have work in the morning. I'm just going to go home."

"Okay," she said hesitantly. I started walking out of the building but stopped when she said my name. "If you need anything, let me know."

I nodded as I sent her a forced smile.

#A Lover's Dream #deepwater horizon #caleb halloway #caleb halloway fanfic #dylan o'brien #dylan o'brien fanfic

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wwwafflewrites · 5 years

Text

The Not-So-French Mistake

Chapter 5: Ain't In Their Blood

Dean had finally arrived at the heat-stricken town. He appreciated the short drive; the knowledge of how cramping, long car rides wore a person down was now ingrained after years of life on the road.

The town was eerily quiet. An unnatural fog was settling at the peak of the brick architecture that set off alarms within Dean’s gut. He shivered as the hairs along the back of his neck stood on end; goosebumps developed along his shoulders, spiraling down the ridges of his spine.

It was then Dean realized it wasn’t fog: it was ash. Descending scorching embers and ash-surfaced buildings sent Dean into a silent, frozen frenzy. He didn’t dare breathe. Upon not finding Sydney immediately, his mind worked up worrying scenarios. Had they already lost her? What if she had suffered for hours, hoping someone would save her before her last minutes ticked past? Would he find her charred body? He slammed the breaks, launching himself out and slamming the door behind him in utter denial. She was not dead. He wouldn’t allow it.

He marched toward the center of the town, prying his eyes for an indication of life or Sydney. The street and sidewalk were coated in a crispy layer of soot, sticking to the heels of his boots unpleasantly. Dean startled when an unsupported plank of thick wood collapsed with a resounding snap and clattered, whacking several iron beams on its way down. It struck the floor with a deafening clap.

“Woah,” Dean breathed, “this place looks like it’s been struck by a bomb.”

The main road was singed and still burning with life. As he walked, the smoky cloud revealed a relievingly large mass of people, fortunately having survived the recent inferno.

By the looks of it, they had voted somebody as captain among their bunch, commanding the crowd with results and success. A random, attentive individual amongst the crowd caught the apparent leader’s attention and pointed subtly toward Dean until they swiveled around.

Dean suddenly felt stupid.

The dusty auburn hair and gritty jean jacket should have been the dead giveaway. Her leggings had been discolored and torn at the knees, and filth stained her cheeks. A pair of men’s shoes adorned her sockless feet, too wide for her to walk without the heels slipping off; were those his?

“Yo, cheeseball,” he called flatly, “are you wearing my shoes?”

“Dean?” She straightened herself, slightly self-conscious with a crowd eavesdropping in on the conversation.

“Yep. You ready to go, or do I need to transport more strays? I've got room in the back seat.”

Sydney shook her head. “No, they'll be fine. I taught them how to hijack a car, pick a lock, and an idea of how to fend for themselves.” Her chest puffed with pride.

Dean raised an eyebrow.

“What?” She shrugged, “You guys were gone for a while, and I know a few things; I'm not totally useless.”

Dean snorted. Who was she reminding him of? He puzzled on it until he poked the memory of red-toned hair and geeky skills. A name sprung to mind, and he grasped onto it: the nerdy hacker, Charlie Bradbury. That was it. The girl who had assisted in the exterminate Dick Roman, the egotistic Leviathan whose death slung him and Castiel into Purgatory. Good times.

“What happened here?” he asked once he’d realized his delayed reaction.

“We really don't know. We figured out the pattern out too late; if we let one person out of our sight, they disappeared and left a giant bloodstain where they'd been standing. No signs of struggle―like they had been dead before they comprehended it.” She lowered her eyes bitterly. “It only took looking away for a second, and then you'd turn around to find their blood staining the grass.”

She sighed, “Caleb's missing, too; he was a real help.”

“Caleb?”

“Yeah, good kid. Helped be distribute water to everybody. Your brother, Sam, had encouraged him.” Sydney shared a frustrated frown. “Not that it did much good. This is all that's left.” She gestured to the group, which contained several hundred people. Out of an entire town, that was a terrifyingly small number.

“All right. We'll find them.” The thought of leaving children to whatever evil was terrorizing this town was despicable, and Dean wasn't having any of it.

“And what if they're dead?” There had been a lot of blood.

Dean was steadfast with his decision. He growled, “Then you'll have a body to bury.” He remembered all the unfortunate times when the burial had been an empty casket on a case, and it only became heavier. “Trust me, that's better than never knowing what happened. Otherwise, you'll always blame yourself for not trying. Trust me. I know from experience.”

Sydney signaled for the group to stand. Her shoulders squared and her vulnerable expression vanished as she faced the town. “What I taught you today will not be enough. Dean knows a lot more than I do. Trust him; he knows what he’s doing.”

The survivors mirrored Sydney's military expression when regarding Dean.

He could make do with this; it was a dedicated, able-bodied group ready to throw themselves into combat for the greater good, and while they seemed stable, he would need to see what they were capable of. “Awesome. Let's get to work.”

After the assembly of people had adjusted to the new leader amongst them, they congregated into groups. Dean and Sydney swapped to help in different locations, looking to teach efficiently. Those who were not yet instructed reviewed their previous learning and class with Sydney. Thankfully, everyone remained compliant and willing to listen to diverse ideas.

He found quickly that Sam was a treasure of a partner compared to these peevishly ordinary civilians. They just weren't hunters! Dean remained collected though; there was no reason to snap at anyone. They were only looking to help.

He held the gun comfortably, easing his form and supporting the weight of his right hand with his left. He displayed it openly, modeling his posture and stance. “You see? Fully extend your arms, but don't lock them; you'll hurt something. Remember it will recoil.”

The instruction continued to frustrate.

“No, don't lean away from it.”

“You can't flinch. It will totally ruin your aim.”

“Yeesh! Don't point it at me! At the target! At the target!”

“Dude, you're holding upside down. How did you even manage that?”

“How on earth did you shoot backward?! The target is right in front of you!”

Dean wiped at the sweat that had accumulated along his brow. He hadn't even worked out; he was just exhausted from the few hours of worrying for the people's safety, along with his own. He might combust if he had to show one more person how to load a gun; his fingers ached and cramped at the thought. The fact that he was hungry only made him more irritable. He barely reacted when he noticed the figure of Sydney making her way over.

“At least they're trying.” She offered.

Her optimism was uninvited. “They are?” he snapped incredulously, “This is worse than Sammy's first shooting lesson.”

She sat down, considering it. “That bad?”

“That boy was reluctant to shoot the target. ‘Fraid he'd hurt it or something.” He was too cranky to soften his criticism. This all just sucked. “Your army will need more work before they are ready for war, Sugar. There are some dumb bricks out there; I caught one loading the bullets backward. Who does that?”

“Do you... do you need any help?”

“I need a burger,” he said.

She sighed, knowing this was the expert, and if the expert was tired, she knew everyone was. It took an effort to crack Dean. She clapped for everyone's attention, shouting, “Okay, everybody! Let's set up camp. We'll resume tomorrow. By then, we'll hopefully have a lead.”

They left their training posts as the word spread their cessation. Soon, they had dispersed, tents illuminating across the broken town like waking fireflies. The hot gaze above them finally died, cooling as the sun shrank on the horizon.

And night began to cool the world again.

Tags: @queen-bubble

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