#Megatron heckling

[hallucinateonpaperspines]

Who is bayverse au Ashlynn’s favorite bot?

Cogman obviously, but Ashlyn will never admit it. His tiny head is much too large already, no need to puff up that mech's plating even more.

So, instead of being honest, if ever asked that question, Ashlyn will do what she does best in this AU: have a little fun with it.

She will wax poetry about the strangest attributes of a bot, the odd symmetry of face plates, the sparks that trail off peds dragged through concrete, and the odd sneezing vent that matches the grace of a trumpeter swan. Random names, some within a few feet of her monologues, some that don't even exist in this universe, but it's never the same person twice and never with the same reasoning.

(Cogman is of course the exception, and the fact he is never mentioned only further proves that the over-qualified butler is the favorite. Sam is very confused by Cogman's preening.)

After Ashlyn finished a very lengthy description of how Megatron's voice has the particular quality of a screw caught in an ill-kept industrial clock's gears, and how his face was blessed with such intricate design that such a thing could only exist to be ripped off and replaced with an inferior model less an asteroid belt grow jealous of such a perilously pieced puzzle face, she gains a bit of a reputation. Well, adds to her current reputation.

Her comments on Optimus having the puckered lips of an infant, matched only by his temper of a toddler, have since gone viral.

(It is unconfirmed if Soundwave had anything to do with it. But it is confirmed that Simmons has been noting down every recorded dis just in case there is some secret message in there. She predicted the robot dino Grimlock! Now who is the octopus Quintessia that she speaks of? Who is the Unicorn?)

[archie-sunshine]

I pull up to ur ask box like a fastfood drive thru.

Yeah uuhhh, can I get some TFO Starscream? Could I add Megatron in there? Could you make it valveplug? Some sub/dom? Thaannkk yoouuu.

(I ADOREEE your art o7!! Have fun, be safe)

bottom who heckles you during sex

[transingthoseformers]

Happy new year!!! My family for some reason had the bright idea this celebration to sing karaoke together which was. Something. So now I'm coping over the embarrassment by imagining a karaoke event at Swerve's bar as these bots struggle to sing human songs, whether to match tone, or to not sing it too fast/slow, and no doubt no small amount of heckling from the audience.

Rodimus is all for it and Ultra Magnus is left wincing at the too high enthusiasm from his vocal performance.

Megatron has already retreated before he could be dragged into this.

Brainstorm surprisingly is one of the better singers with his peppy rendition of 'I Am The Very Model of a Moden Major-General'

sggsgs ohhhhh

I'm imagining that regardless of if he's any good at it, Swerve is putting his full spark into his round

Whirl is #1 heckler in my mind in this.

[witchofthesouls]

I have this image of Starscream taking pity on this poor Camien nurse. It happens occasionally. When an unrelated scheme trip takes Starscream to Cybertron Starscream gathers every datapad on seekerling and seekerkin development, unique developmental requirements, and documentation on the ailments of flight deprived seekers and seeker sparked and coded mechs in grounder fraims he can lay his servos on. Was it an excuse for why he took so long? Yes. Was it part of a complex triple bluff? Also yes. Does he think the New Sparks need all the help they can get with Tarn as their sire? Unicron fragging a unicycle, yes! Is it a ploy to get Tarn to give himself the idea he should become a significantly less armored flight frame? Absolutely!

I doubt Starscream would willingly seek out Tarn's presence, even to heckle over his fanatical loyalty. (But he would most definitely take the most convulated method to get datapads of Seekerkin development to the Peaceful Tyranny.)

Besides, it would take an Act of Megatron to part Tarn away from his tank frame-schematics. Plus, everyone and their creators seem to be sending Helex tips to give to Tarn via online communities because... Yeah, Tarn would need all the help to tackle parenthood.

Luckily, you're not afraid to smack sense into him on raising Seekerkin bitties, especially with a set of split-spark twins. And Nickel is there to drive it into his thick helm whenever you're down.

Everyone will need to come to terms that it's fucking Tarn, of all the mechs to do it first, that literally started a family in the aftermath of the war. And a ridiculously large one at that. Like there are mechs out there staring his armful of bitties and thinking he's starting another cult or raising the next generation of DJD.

[tarklesbehindthescenes]

A birthday fic for @heliopauseentertainments and a continuation of Megan and his Birds!

AO3

This was such a stupid plan. It was bound to fail, purely because Skywarp was a main part of said plan. Thundercracker would have been a heck of a lot better when it came to raising the chances of success. But not only did he have a new pet to take care of, but he also distinctly disapproved of what Starscream and Skywarp were plotting and absolutely refused to have any part of it. To further drive the point home, he’d taken that new pet of his and locked himself and her inside the library. It wasn’t like they were going to be doing anything criminal. Just pulling a little prank to get Megatron out of his home office for a while.

Skywarp said that if Starscream’s plan didn’t go accordingly, he had a backup. Though he refused to say what. To be quite frank, Starscream had absolutely no faith in this secret backup plan whatsoever. Skywarp’s pranks rarely went well, after all. Starscream supposed that was why Thundercracker locked himself away with his pet.

The plan was a fairly simple one. Starscream was going to try and lure Megatron out of his office and then Skywarp was supposed to head into the office as quickly as possible and lock it behind him, thus ensuring Megatron couldn’t get back in. Very straightforward. Despite his certainty that Skywarp would botch this prank somehow, Starscream entered Megatron’s office with casual confidence and began to try his hand at getting the grey mech to leave the office. As he quickly found out, maybe it wasn’t going to be Skywarp that would botch the mission. Because it wouldn’t even become his turn at this rate.

Megatron was being absolutely stubborn and wasn’t even pausing his work as he talked with Starscream. It certainly wasn’t for Starscream’s lack of trying.

“I’ve made your favorite concoction of fuel. If you want it, you’ll have to drink it outside the office.”

“I’ll have it later.”

“Sure, that’s fine. I’ll tuck it in storage for you. Oh, Thundercracker wanted to discuss something with you.”

“Send him in.”

“He’s in the library.”

“If he wants to talk with me, he knows where to find me.”

“…I’ll pass along the message.”

Pouting slightly as his mental gears spun to come up with an enticing story, Starscream began to wander the room and stare at the décor. “When was the last time you spoke with Rodimus? Or Ultra Magnus?”

“Not long ago,” Megatron grunted.

“Mm. I suppose they’re doing well?”

“Seem to be.”

Starscream’s upper lip curled with annoyance. These attempts to get his way while being subtle were weak, but it was all that was coming to mind. “Did Rodimus mention that he was planning on racing around the building and heckling others? I spotted him out the window a minute ago.” A complete fabrication, but if he could just get Megatron to get up and look…

Unfortunately, that attempt was just as much a flop as the rest. “Doesn’t involve me. I’m not his babysitter,” was the uncaring and flat reply. “If it bothers you so much, tell him to stop.”

Starscream heaved an impatient vent of air and stalked out the door. “Maybe I will…” he muttered lowly.

Skywarp was not far away, hidden around a corner and waiting for Starscream to walk past with Megatron. He watched as the lead seeker walked by without Megatron and then turned to him. The dark seeker frowned with confusion. “Wait, is he coming?” he whispered.

“No,” Starscream hissed quietly. “He won’t move an inch!”

“Sheesh, tough lugnut, ain’t he?” the purple seeker huffed. “Well, since the first plan is a bust, wanna try mine?”

Starscream waved a hand at him to urge him along. “Yes, yes, let’s see it.”

“Cool.” Skywarp popped open his subspace and reached both hands in, scooping something into his grasp, and then the next second later he had flung a bunch of small, darkly colored, multi-limbed things at the lead seeker. Starscream had flinched and started to protest, but the words caught in his throat as the things stuck to him and allowed him a proper look. Roachbots. With an audial-splitting shriek of pure terror, Starscream began rapidly shaking himself and brushing at the critters now skittering around on his plating.

“Starscream?!” Megatron’s voice called from down the hall, the distance between them rapidly closing. The grey mech had finally dropped what he was doing and left his office. “What happened?!”

There was a quiet Vip! and Skywarp was suddenly nowhere to be seen. Not that his location was Starscream’s main focus yet.

“Get them off, get them off!!” he demanded, ceasing his shaking, but still continuing to brush the critters off as swiftly as possible and being met with little success, their little legs allowing them to scamper around the seeker’s body quicker than he could swipe at them.

Megatron got a glance at the situation Starscream was in before making a detour to the kitchen. He was only gone for a moment before he came back with one of the chemicals that Starscream had in his stock. After uncorking the vial, he held it close to the panicked seeker and began using his other hand to fan the wafting scent it emitted toward him and the insectoids. If Starscream hadn’t been so panicked in the moment, he would have been impressed that Megatron remembered what he’d taught him.

The roachbots couldn’t stand the fumes coming from the chemical within the vial, and so scampered down Starscream’s frame to get away from the strong odor. As they began hitting the floor, Thundercracker and Ena finally emerged from the library to check out what the racket was. Spotting the fun new things to play with, Ena yipped excitedly and ran forward, pouncing on the roachbots as best she could without toppling over.

The blue seeker gaped, glancing from Starscream and Megatron to the roachbots and Ena. “Where the frag—” he started to ask.

“Skywarp!!” the lead seeker yelled, half in answer and half as a warning to his purple brother that when Starscream got his servos on that twerp, he was in for it. The last of the roachbots had finally left his frame, but that didn’t stop the feeling of insectoid legs crawling all over him. Careful to avoid the bugs and turbo-fox, Starscream hurriedly scrambled over to stand on the couch and hugged himself, checking himself over and over for any possible remaining bugs.

Megatron corked the vial again and cast an annoyed glance at the pests before setting the chemical on the nearest surface with a heavy sigh and making his way over to Starscream’s side. “Thundercracker, could you—”

“Ena and I will get rid of them,” the blue seeker agreed, moving to grab a box to put them in.

Megatron stopped beside Starscream and extended his arms toward him. “Come on. Get down from there,” he coaxed with a gentle tone. “There’s nothing on you anymore.”

Accepting the ex-warlord’s offer without a moment’s hesitation, Starscream climbed into Megatron’s hold and clung to him. “I’ll kill him…!” he hissed shakily in his lover’s audial as the grey mech carried him toward the berthroom. “I’ll feed him to the rust worms…!”

“Yes, I’m sure you will,” Megatron mused with a smirk, finding the situation pretty funny now that the crisis was over. “For now, let’s just focus on getting that tremble under control, shall we?”

Starscream huffed and held the grey mech tighter. He’d gotten his wish to have some personal time with Megatron. But at what cost?

[neveralarchbot]

Concept: IDW Megatron giving a lecture about the worker's struggle... only Nickel keeps heckling :/ she's all like blah blah blah 'we can't hear you, are you sure the mic is on' UGH. i don't know how Megatron stands it

[murderpot]

anyone want to help me brainstorm for a fic? given the chance to heckle gladiator megatron, how would you do it? I'm looking for your most eviscerating insults

[keaalu]

Remember Me, chapter 11

Title (chapter): Remember Me (11)

Series: Transformers, G1-based “Blue” AU

Rating: PG-13

Notes: Where a dithery jetboy with questionable ethics and even more questionable loyalty sets out to cause problems for himself. And one of our heroes is definitely losing his marbles. 

------------------

You’re gonna have to make a decision about this eventually, you know.

Ramjet was pretty sure that consciences didn’t get much more annoying than his own, right now. It never had anything remotely useful to say, and now didn’t seem to want to shut up, either. It kinda felt like a thought had broken away on its own, and was waiting in a dark corner to jump on him with a gotcha! the instant he put a thruster wrong.

At least he knew what to expect from his wingmates if they got to heckling him. (Plus, if the need arose, he could just turn around and punch them in the head.)

He vented a long sigh of stale air and let his arms dangle.

Was this how those traitorous pitglitches had felt, contemplating betraying their Decepticon allies and running away to Cybertron? Suddenly unsure of everything in the entire universe?

All his life, he’d been secure and happy in his knowledge he was doing the right thing – at least, right for him, anyway. If his wingmates got in the slag, sure, he’d usually help them out of it, but wasn’t going to take ownership of whatever fraggery got them in it in the first place.

And now suddenly he had absolutely no idea if he was doing the right thing. Had ever been doing the right thing. All because a defenceless little bot not much bigger than an energon cube had got sucked into their war, when there was absolutely no reason for it except… stupid… politics. Yanked into the lives of a bunch of bored, aggressive mechs who really had nothing better to do with their time than smash dents into each other, set on pursuing a dead-end conflict that had been going on so long everyone knew that it was just gonna creep on forever as an eternal stalemate until they finally went extinct.

He felt a tiny bit sorry for the little brat. It wasn’t her fault her parents were traitorous fragsticks who deserved everything they were gonna get, right?

Right?

Okay, so he wasn’t even sure about that, any more. They’d all been keeping themselves to themselves, former-Autobot and ex-Decepticon alike, tired of pursuing the idiocy of their war when there were so few of them left now, and quietly getting on with putting the place back together. Was he really just that resentful that they hadn’t invited him and his trine back to enjoy it, too?

He probably wouldn’t have invited himself either, to be fair.

No-one would deny the huge steaming pile of proving Megatron wrong that was involved in rebuilding the planet, but somehow the scarlet traitor seemed to have been mostly forgiven and people seemed to not outright hate him, any more. So, maybe there was still hope for a trio of idiots who couldn’t quite seem to detach themselves from Megaton’s campaign. Right?

Ramjet glared at the ceiling. Couldn’t be a good sign if people liked Starscream best.

It was just circumstances, though. Right? He’d got lucky. Everything kinda just aligned in the right way and forced his hand. Finally ditching the ‘Cons was never gonna have been very high on the Screamer’s list of slag to do, but with his wingmates announcing we’re done with this and crashing spectacularly out of the conflict, he’d been forced to make a decision between them and the faction. Or rather, to choose between the wingbros that seemed to love him unconditionally in spite of – or perhaps because of – his multitude of faults, and his single-minded pursuit of leadership of a faction that (let’s be honest) was never gonna accept him as their leader even if he did get there.

Unexpectedly, the little family he’d chosen won out, in the end. Ramjet couldn’t help wondering if he’d pick his bros in the same way. Or if they’d pick him.

Ramjet had been homesick for centuries. He didn’t want to admit it, because giving the Screamer any form of credit felt like tacit surrender, but home looked good, right now. Really good. Like, a how-do-I-get-my-bros-and-me-in-on-this kind of good. Even those short, fat little new towers looked impossible degrees better than this rusting old tin can. And they all had enough fuel to get them in the air, any time they wanted to.

That one little glimpse of home had stirred up a whole new mess of conflicting feelings in his spark. Over the vorns, he’d had the occasional thoughts of deserting and going home – who hadn’t? – but never as bad as this. And he knew his wingbros wouldn’t just drop everything and follow him, so for now he was stuck. No matter how many burrs they worked into his plating and how often they ended up brawling, they were still trine and he didn’t want to leave them here. Thrust might have been charmed around to the idea of leaving, with a little gentle coaxing and being persuaded that it was his idea all along, but Dirge was still riding high on the Boss’s praise and Ramjet hated that he couldn’t trust the mech not to blab if he confessed that he wanted out.

There was a better than good chance Starscream would probably be on his way any breem now, but Ramjet accepted that he’d given up pretending to be on duty. (Dare he confess to hoping the former air commander would show up and solve the problem of what to do by taking their prisoners back? Then Ramjet could work on convincing Dirge that going home looked good.)

Speaking of prisoners.

He realised – somewhat belatedly – that Skydash had vanished.

Slag.

He twisted around on his seat, hoping to spot her. Still in the vicinity, because he could see her signal close by. Just not exactly where-

Please don’t be under the terminal again; Primus.

At last he spotted her; two bright little pinpoints of light in the corner. The sparkling watched him from her bucket, fingertips wrapped around the rim and little more than her optics visible, peeking up over the edge. The instant his gaze lit upon her, she flinched and ducked back down, out of sight.

Ramjet frowned. “Uhh... What are you doing in there, Tiny?”

“Not a bad.” Her words echoed softly up from the pail. “No lid.”

He crouched next to it. “Uh. You haven’t been bad yet. Have you? You, uh.” He wasn’t really sure how to deal with this, honestly. Brats being brats he could handle (kind of), but this was a ridiculous learning curve. “Don’t have to sit in the bucket if you don’t wanna?”

The sparkling shied away from him, tucking her knees up and hugging them, curling into a ball at the bottom. “Not hurt family. Am stay in bucket.”

“Come on. Don’t be a glitch.” He picked her up; she froze. “I can’t keep watch on you in there. Anyone could come along and take you away if I’m not watching.”

She stayed motionless in his fingers while he carried her to the terminal. “No hit family.”

“Uh, right? I guess not?” He knew from experience that Warp’s kids were just as sneaky – and as good at getting where they shouldn’t be – as their sire. He’d not seen her up to any specific mischief, but had the brat snuck out somehow? “Why, what have you been doing that means someone needs a punch?”

She wasn’t very forthcoming. “No hit.”

“Fine.” A sigh. “Whatever. No hit.” He deposited her on her small aft on the terminal, and she immediately turned her back to him.

Skydash sat on the terminal and played with her small feet, for a while. Since at last settling on the idea that Decepticons were genuinely bigger and uglier and scarier than her parents, she was fairly well-behaved and mostly stayed subdued and quiet, so long as ‘Mean Blue’ didn’t show up with his scary engines – although Ramjet wasn’t stupid enough to try and fool himself that it was because she wasn’t frightened, any more. The tiny bot wasn’t even old enough to have a full dictionary at her disposal, yet; small wonder she couldn’t articulate her fear properly.

“Want Ama, Arrgie.”

“…Still not gonna happen.”

She peeked back over her shoulder at him. “See unnolawp?”

He thought about it for a few seconds but couldn’t parse it to anything except ‘Skywarp’ and figured it was just a sparkling-y mangling of the name. “He’s not here for your benefit. He’s under arrest. Because he’s been bad and needs to learn his lesson to not do it any more.”

She shuffled around a little, and gave him a very long stare. “Make bad at home. Police not hit.”

“Oh look; Tiny finally joins me at the point I’m making. Maybe if they weren’t all a bunch of Autobot cowards who talk too much, and gave him a decent punch in the head every now and then, he wouldn’t be such a troublemaking fragface all the time.”

He realised Skydash was just staring blankly at him, and figured perhaps he was expecting a little much from a sparkling. How did you explain that sometimes a mech’s helm was so dense, you had to hammer the point home with violence?

He changed the subject. “So you’re gonna be a winglet, huh.”

She cocked her head, frowning. “What am?”

“A flier,” he corrected himself.

Skydash bobbed her head, just once. “Ama say can.”

“Well, if your bearer is that scrappy little dirtbot, I figure she probably didn’t get much choice in the matter anyway.”

Skydash’s head perked over the other way, unable to parse the sentence.

Doing it again, RJ. “Not scared of heights, then?”

She shook her head. “Like fly. Day take.”

“Well, that makes a change. No-one else in your family seems to like it. Maybe there’s hope for you yet, Tiny.”

Skydash remained silent for a few moments longer, then tucked herself down into as small a bundle as she could, hands wrapped around her ankles and shoulders rounded, and shuffled forwards on her aft. “…when to see Ama, Arrgie?”

“Oh Primus please don’t start that again-”

“Unnolawp to take?”

He gave her a long stare. “What?”

She uncurled slightly, leaning forwards. “Unnolawp take, see Ama. Arrgie stay, is not bad with Meg’tron?”

Ramjet narrowed his optics at her, but patted her on the head, just once. “I’m not sure letting Skywarp take you home will keep me from getting in the slag with Megatron, but… thanks, I guess.”

 -----

Skyfire had wandered in a murk of half-formed anxieties for what felt like a small eternity, unable to quite stop thinking long enough to get offline.

And when he did finally managed to switch off, someone woke him back up far too soon. A hand dropped onto his shoulder and jolted him awake.

“Thanks,” a deep voice rumbled, louder and a lot more confident than it had sounded in recent orns.

Skyfire took a second to recalibrate his optics and clear a little of the muzziness from his vision, and finally focused on a nice tall flask of high-grade on the table. “Oh!” He wiped his face with one hand, and picked up the flask with the other. “Thank you. This looks like just what I needed.”

Thundercracker drifted around to settle in one of the chairs opposite. Now the migraine had eased, he actually looked fairly alert, optics bright crimson again, armour back to his usual well-polished blue – not that weird dusty grey sickly hue he’d taken on in the last few orns. “No, thank you, for getting him to take some downtime.”

“You’re welcome.” Skyfire took a sip and a moment to savour it. He realised, somewhat belatedly, that Starscream had taken advantage of his downtime to disappear. “I don’t know if it worked so well. He would seem to have gone straight back to work.”

“Well, we knew that would happen. Hopefully he’ll have at least defragmented and decompressed a little.”

Skyfire reviewed what he knew. Perhaps Thundercracker was right? They had all got a few fragments of rest, at least. After somehow extracting Star from his lab without completely waking him up, he’d made it the dozen or so steps into the lounge before deciding he didn’t want to risk attempting to get upstairs, because the fractious seeker carried awkwardly in his arms definitely wouldn’t stay mostly-dormant that long. Instead, they’d settled on the couch, Starscream with his long legs stretched out across the shuttle’s lap.

Starscream had been quietly muttery for a little while, something about whether their plasma cutters would work underwater and how to not flood Nemesis in the process or would that actually work as a distraction but how would they approach without being seen and without flooding their own air-handling because he’d never actually tested this refit underwater… but Skyfire had mostly tuned it out, and eventually the words had faded into garbled nonsense, and finally silence.

Last he remembered was dozing, distractedly stroking the blue thrusters in his lap, audio receptors full of the subtle sound of an offline seeker’s fans purring.

He couldn’t quite pinpoint the time he himself had offlined, but it must have been fairly comprehensive because said thrusters had now vanished, without his noticing it. So had their owner. Great. Primus only knew what Star might have slunk off to do.

Thundercracker patted his shoulder. “I’m going to go and check on him.”

Skyfire took another indulgent sip of his high grade, and didn’t argue.

In the background, he heard: “Uh, Star. What is, uh. All… this?”

…Skyfire sighed to himself, and put the flask back down.

He peered over Thundercracker’s head to find a lab full of even more chaos than it had been when he’d finally extracted Starscream for an unwilling nap. Every previous experiment had been scooted rudely off the main bench and now sat in a muddle of mixed glassware on an overloaded trolley in the corner. The main workbench seemed to have been cleared solely to provide access to a large empty stretch of wall, against which dozens of holograms now projected, connected with hand-drawn squiggles, strings of glyphs and connecting lines.

“I’m reviewing my options,” Starscream explained, distractedly, mapping another line between the hovering images, then grasping whole handfuls of images and shuffling them around. “I’ve had plenty of experience in trying to beat him, but it’s not mattered so much before, has it. If I can see what didn’t work, I might be able to narrow down what will.” He glanced over at them. “…what?”

“Yooouuu… do realise… we’re trying to rescue the sparks, not… preparing for a full-on assault to kill Megatron. Right?” Thundercracker reminded, cautiously.

“As they might end up being one and the same, yes: I do realise.” Starscream didn’t even look away from his strings. “It’s called being prepared.”

Thundercracker shot Skyfire a look that was ever so slightly accusatory, and backed out of the doorway with a little beckoning flick of one hand.

The shuttle drew himself subtly straighter, objecting to the insinuation that he was somehow responsible, but followed him anyway.

“I just got over my migraine and I feel another coming on already.” The blue mech sagged into one of the big slouchy chairs in the atrium, and helped himself to Skyfire’s high grade. “So, do you want to update me on what’s been going on – apart from Star apparently losing the last few of his marbles…”

----

Down in the brig, it had been quiet for a while.

In his gloomy corner, Skywarp allowed himself to come back to life. Acting sad and scared had stopped being fun a while ago – for him and everyone else. Of course, a selection of former allies had paid sporadic visits, to taunt and jeer and try to goad him into a fight – not that he took a lot of goading – but the limited room to move in the cell had meant smashing the bolts out of each other wasn’t much fun. No-one seemed to want to incur the wrath of the boss by removing him to somewhere with more room to move, and risk letting him loose in the process.

The novelty quickly wore off. No-one had been down for a quarter-orn at least, now.

Now. To make his great escape. If he left it much longer, who knew what sort of half-smelted plan Starscream would hatch, and then it’d definitely all ride off into a Pit-coloured sunset.

He examined his cuffs; yep, definitely ones he knew how to get out of. Especially as no-one had bothered to confiscate his secret weapon…

Pulsar had, ah, ‘moulted’ an aerial after a particularly vigorous bit of ‘exercise’ one evening. It had rolled away down the side of the berth, where Skywarp had found it some time after she’d headed off to work, grumbling about having to visit the station medic again. He’d tucked it away into his subspace, for safekeeping, fully intending to give it back to her eventually (as the stirrer in a fancy energon cocktail, perhaps). A mech could never know when he’d need a vital component of someone else’s positioning complex, though, right?

He manipulated the slender silver stem very, very carefully between his denta, and lifted the cuffs to his mouth. Next to the controls was a small hole – not so much a reset to default as a failsafe in case the battery failed, but you needed a key. Or brute force applied in just the right way with something appropriately sharp.

The broken end of the aerial only just fitted through the gap. Frowning in concentration, he worked it across the mechanism of the lock, and after an instant-… He felt the loops around his wrists loosen in place. “Ha.” He triumphantly shook them off. “Let’s see what else you bunch of slaggers didn’t do right.”

He examined his arms. The small hatches protecting his weaponry had tiny spots of solder holding them closed. He picked at them with his fingertips, but getting the welds off would take time and effort he didn’t have to spare right now.

No matter. He could probably do without his cannons for a few breems, right? Provided he could teleport himself close enough, his fists were his best weapons anyway.

And at least his cannons were still attached. He could figure the logistics of safely getting them back online later. If worst came to the worst and he absolutely needed them, he could probably shoot them free.

He grimaced at the idea and resolved that he wouldn’t go trying that too soon.

Not to mention, it’d draw attention he really didn’t want. The whole plan involved no-one actually realising he’d snuck out. Knowing he couldn’t get out due to the subspace baffle on the cell, no-one usually bothered to check in on him. Conveniently, it also meant he essentially turned invisible, because the baffle also blocked his beacon from talking to Nemesis and telling it where he was. Getting in trouble in his old Deception days had once involved a protracted multiple-orn stay in the brig solely because everyone thought someone else had let him out and they collectively forgot he was even there. It was only when Thundercracker finally came looking for him they solved the mystery.

So unless they were actively sitting up there watching the live feed the whole time – and hopefully he’d made himself sufficiently boring that no-one would be – nothing else would be keeping watch on him. They’d assume by merit of the fact they couldn’t see his beacon, he was still nicely tucked up in the brig. Therefore, following on in that logic, if he unplugged his beacon and somehow got out, they’d not know anything about it.

That was the plan, anyway.

Unplugging the beacon was going to be the challenge.

Of course, he had conscious control over his positioning beacon; he could (and often did) turn it on and off at will. But turning it off didn’t guarantee no-one could see it – someone determined enough with a big enough sensor (like a scientist with a starship-sized antenna array) could still get an echo off it if they tried hard enough. He wasn’t precisely sure how it worked. Explaining slag like that was Screamer’s field.

No, the only guaranteed way he was going to disappear was if he unplugged it altogether. And that was gonna need something sharp. Of course his jailors had found and confiscated almost everything that looked remotely useful, but even Hook had missed the critical little tool Skywarp needed – a tissue knife, stolen from Starscream’s lab back home. (Having Coneheads in their patch had evidently upset his wingleader’s attention, because he’d been too busy trying to get everyone to help him scheme his way to a solution to spot the teleport as he sauntered through the door and rummaged through all the neat boxes of equipment.)

Tucked inside his armour, sandwiched between stabilisers and power regulators and held flat against the outer core of his heel turbine, the paper-thin blade was completely invisible if you weren’t looking for it. Skywarp unlatched the casing on the back of his thruster, and carefully lifted it out. It hadn’t suffered too badly – a little bent at one end, but it should still be able to cut.

Right, good. He flexed his fingers and drew in a long draught of cold air.

Right.

He could probably get away without having to unplug it though. He hurt enough already without adding to it prematurely.

Right?

No different to straightening a broken nose, you coward. Or popping a dislocated joint back into place. Primus knows you’ve done that enough times.

He knew where in his helm his beacon was located; same as all the policedorks with their spikey hairdos, on the right side of his helm near his audiovent. Deep enough to be safe from routine damage, surface enough to get a good signal out.

He’d never needed to unplug it before now, though. Where was Sepp when a mech needed her, huh. Grimacing in concentration and moving decisively before he could chicken out completely, he slipped the tiny blade down the seam and delicately worked it through the connectors.

“Aih-!” A tiny bright spark of pain that felt like it went all the way through his helm told him he’d succeeded. His diagnostics immediately protested that his beacon was unintentionally offline. “Ow. Ow, ow ow ow.” He sat and hissed to himself, clenching his fists, until his autorepair rerouted signals away from the damage and the pain faded.

He put his fingers up to his audio vent; they came away coated in a thin film of energon, glowing a sickly pink in the gloom. “Great. Leaking.” He glared at his fingers. “Like I need more obstacles.”

The instant he was out, he was going to have to make every last second count. If they caught him, slinking down corridors? Well, they wouldn’t make the same mistake of forgetting to watch over him again. He’d probably end up welded to the floor into the bargain. Leaving a trail of energon droplets was probably counterproductive.

He stood and stared at the bars for a very long time.

How in Pit was he going to do it? He’d not teleported without seeing where he was going for… well, almost his entire life. Right now, he couldn’t see into the quantum universe at all. It felt like he was enclosed in a pocket universe that went no further than the walls of the cell – like being tucked inside his own subspace. It was going to come down to physical measurements and triangulation. Doable, sure, but… without his quantum sense, it was gonna take a lot of brainpower.

Come on, mech. Brave, right? You have the biggest processor capacity of your trine; put it to work for a change.

The less he had to worry about moving, the better. If he knew where absolutely everything was without having to actively look at it, it’d take less brainpower. He offlined absolutely everything he possibly could – fans, pumps, microhydraulics. Then he went through and offlined every possible unnecessary subroutine he could find.

Every single erg of brainpower focused on every last atom of his structure.

Then he crossed his fingers, and stepped out through the bars.

[unicronian]

I was going to put my thoughts in the tags, but I ended up having too many of them.

I want to start by saying that this is a fantastic essay that delves into Galvatron's personality. It's made my own brain race all day and I had to puke out all my thoughts on it.

If anyone wants to send me asks or messages about Galvatron, I could talk all day about him non-stop.

The connection between Straxus, Megatron, and Galvatron is something I'd never considered before and it's incredibly fascinating, but it opens a can of worms you don't properly address, which is a shame because they primarily support your final take.

Firstly, you start the essay with Galvatron II restating his backstory for us, and he identifies the flaw in the jewel that is himself as Megatron. Notably, the Megatron-Ratchet merge had already happened and Megatron is suffering mentally from it, and that is directly linked to what Galvatron thinks is wrong with himself. If people that have had an influence on Megatron's mind and body also influence Galvatron's mind and body, it's reasonable to assume that Ratchet is also in the mix here. The fact that you don't mention it further in the essay seems like a huge missed opportunity as it could provide further weight to your conclusion that Galvatron is different from Megatron, and could potentially live peacefully.

The second missed opportunity surrounds Galvatron's second alt mode, which is a handheld laser pistol, that is extremely similar to Megatron's. If Galvatron's cannon alt-mode represents Straxus and his influence, the pistol very clearly represents Megatron. How Galvatron uses his second alt mode is extremely telling of how he thinks of Megatron. Namely, Galvatron II and cartoon Galvatron (who you completely dismiss during your essay) don't use their pistol alt mode at all. This is symbolically both a rejection of Megatron and a rejection of subservience. The rejection of Megatron is realized in ways that you've mentioned, like not searching out Megatron for a partnership, or leaving out information in Target: 2006 so they don't form an allyship. Megatron was willing to literally put himself into someone else's hands to be used as a weapon, and Galvatron doesn't even consider it. In the comics Galvatron uses his secondary alt mode three times. Once in order to ride in Cyclonus' cockpit similarly to how Megatron does, once in order to hide from the Autobots in a city, and once he allows himself to be held by a human. This last moment is particularly notable as it is the only time he's been held, and it was by someone who he was actively threatening and had the upper hand against. Galvatron, primarily, needs to feel like he's in control of his life, but that's something I'd like to go further into in my own essay.

Onto the next part, your observation that Galvatron knows the names of the nobody characters and keeps them alive because he relates to them is what lessened by the fact that Galvatron is time traveling back in time. There are very few people Galvatron can safely kill, and he only starts murdering tons of people after space-time starts collapsing and messing with his memory and perception of reality.

On that note, I had also noticed that Galvatron treated fights with characters that might be able to beat him, and fights with characters that absolutely can't defeat him extremely differently. I agree that Galvatron is afraid of losing, he almost reminds me of how skilled chess sometimes play against skilled vs unskilled players. Against other skilled players (when not in tournaments) they may heckle and play mind games, and generally be very vocal in order to distract or trip up their opponents. Against less skilled players they don't need to do all that since they know they'll win. And this is extremely similar to how Galvatron acts in different fights, against Ultra Magnus he is extremely vocal, but when against weaker enemies he's much quieter on average. Added onto this, Galvatron, the handful of times he's been defeated in a fight, seems to just shut down for awhile- in #161 after being defeated by Magnus Galvatron just sorta limps away quietly, and other times when he's dunked in water or plasma or something he'll just stay there for however long it takes for someone to find him. I imagine this relates to your notion that Galvatron doesn't handle cognitive dissonance very well. In his mind he is the strongest, and when he's defeated that sort of breaks his sense of self until he can repair it.

Something in your conclusion that I very much agree with is that Galvatron doesn't want to conquer and, additionally, he doesn't want to lead. Galvatron II stated he'd be perfectly happy if all the Transformers dropped dead, and cartoon Galvatron considered all his Decepticons cannon fodder, nothing more than bodies to be thrown at his enemies. All versions of Galvatron appear to lead the Decepticons purely because it's useful to have a bunch of people doing his bidding, but he seems to hate it and all of them while he's leading. So while I think that he wouldn't be happy conquering or leading, he would be happy constantly fighting and terrorizing beings that are weaker than him- because he needs to feel powerful and in control. But that doesn't mean I don't think he also couldn't be happy doing something else instead. If he were to settle down, so to speak, I think he'd make a good artist. I'm not going to elaborate on that now, though, that's for the essay I want to write but never will.

TL;DR: I loved the essay op, it dives deep into Galvatron's actions and psyche and draws conclusion that most people wouldn't think of. I'm definitely integrating some of this- esp the Straxus stuff- into my perception of Galvatron.

Essay: Galvatron, the Flawed Jewel

When I watched the 80s Sunbow cartoon, I always found Galvatron to be a rather shallow character. But in the Marvel UK comics, he is one of the most fascinating and compelling of all. I want to explore why that is. However, before I can, I need to briefly clarify who Galvatron was made from and how many versions of him are in this continuity. Time-travel makes this really complicated, but here's my best guess:

The first Galvatron (and Scourge and Cyclonus) went back in time right after he was thrown out of Unicron by Rodimus as he was in the movie. This Galvatron went back in time to escape from and find a way to destroy Unicron, but he, Cyclonus, and Scourge end up being erased from existence in the Time Wars arc after Shockwave kills Cyclonus, accidentally causing the space-time continuum to nearly collapse.

Galvatron II was plucked from an alternate future in which he tried to get Unicron to leave him alone by doing his bidding—killing and conquering. But the Unicron of the main timeline makes Galvatron II do yet more labor for him.

A third Galvatron was shown in the future stories, replacing the one who was erased from existence. This Galvatron temporarily succeeds in forcing the future Autobots off Cybertron, but ends up dead (maybe? He's shown slumped in a pile of corpses so) in a battle against Unicron.

I'm going to assume each Galvatron can be used to inform my interpretation of him in general.

Another detail to mention is that the Galvatron(s) of this continuity were always made from more than Megatron. All of them probably have some degree of Straxus in them as well. Straxus, who I must say sure is obsessed with Megatron's body, both injected his mind into Megatron AND built a second, lookalike Megatron out of some unnamed Decepticon to inject his mind into. In both cases, Megatron's personality seemed to reemerge as the dominant one, but this calls into question what Galvaton inherited from whom.

Straxus's alt-mode, which seems very similar to Galvatron's

With all of that out of the way, time to delve into the complexities of Galvatron's characterization!

One of the first things that surprised me about Galvatron in this continuity was the way he reacts to characters who are obscure and/or weak.

He knows all their names!

One big issue with this continuity is the overinflated cast (because the comic was supposed to sell the toys), so there were always tons of characters who almost felt like filler running around. A few characters who are known for their cool designs and toys, but still fill this role, are the Seacons. They're just described as engineers who were brought to Earth to fortify Shockwave's undersea base, not to fight. But when Shockwave sees Galvatron walking around on the ocean floor, he sends them out to fight him against Soundwave's advice, knowing they'll probably die. The Seacons' leader, Snap Trap, even just tells his team, "...do your best!" before the fight, which doesn't inspire confidence lol

But Galvatron is impressed with them, and even leaves them all alive! He says that by embarrassing Shockwave, it will all be in their best interest one day.

Some way too overexposed filler characters were the Sparklers/Sparkabots. When one of them, Fizzle, almost drowns, Galvatron... saves him for seemingly no reason?

At the same time, though, I think it's significant that this odd fondness does seem be predicated on these people not actually being able to do much to him or anybody close to his level. For example, several characters I'd classify as being on the level of fodder, Guzzle (another Sparkabot), Getaway, Chainclaw, and Crossblades are initially some of the only surviving Autobots in the future Galvatron II was from, but when they actually manage to defeat Scourge and Cyclonus, Galvatron is so disgusted that he saves Cyclonus's life just to immediately punish him by killing him himself.

When it comes to the big names, Galvatron seems to feel only contempt. In Galvatron II's future, he strings up Rodimus's corpse and shoots him again and again, symbolically killing him over and over. And in the multi-issue story ...Perchance to Dream in which Galvatron tries to trap various Autobots who are in stasis in visions of moments in which they demonstrated their inner weaknesses/flaws, we get to see Galvatron's own nightmare. While it's meant to be humorous, I think the fact that Galvatron's worst fear is being killed by Rodimus over and over again is important.

In fact, it's not just the Prime I suspect Galvatron is afraid of. Sure, maybe it was just cruelty or his desire to turn the Decepticons against the Autobots, but in the Time Wars arc, I think he used Scorponok as a shield because he didn't want to face Ultra Magnus in a fair fight, since Magnus had previously defeated Galvatron a couple of times.

So, Galvatron's afraid of other people who can best him, but what does he desire? Well, the entire series follows his mission to free himself of Unicron. He has major setbacks given multiple versions of himself die, and Galvatron II suffered a rude awakening when he realized his attempt to satisfy Unicron by following his orders was for naught and that that he remained a tool. In fact, I believe that Galvatron's interest in weak, obscure characters stems from how eclipsed he himself feels by Unicron.

Also, I love how much of Unicron's and Primus's personalities we get to see in these comics. Unicron is so immature which is great, because like, who does he have to impress? XD

Galvatron sometimes says he wants to take over the Decepticons and conquer the world when he's free of Unicron, but I honestly question if that's even true. Galvatron II doesn't spread his "empire" beyond the Americas, something that bothers his troops. They note he's acting like a child, revelling in random acts of destruction to no purpose.

The first Galvatron spent a long stretch of issues (like a hundred or so IIRC) in the present time, wandering around and doing nothing in particular, only lashing out when he's reminded of Rodimus Prime, or attacked by other people, like his former lieutenants Scourge and Cyclonus, or the Wreckers. All of that on top of the fact that he very intentionally didn't start his fight with the Seacons... in fact, after that battle, he embarrasses Shockwave and undermines his command by claiming he'd come in peace. Galvatron also doesn't really take initiative to team up with his old self, Megatron, instead only doing so after Shockwave attempts to get over that humiliation by using Megatron as a weapon against Galvatron. And yes, then he finally starts to take initiative and battle people... but I almost wonder if that was Megatron's drive for conquest propelling the initial conflict, not Galvatron's.

This brings up another really interesting facet of Galvatron's character: his relationship with Megatron. In the story arc that introduced Galvatron, Target: 2006, his initial plan is to get Megatron's help in building a weapon to destroy Unicron. Notably, Galvatron does not tell him they are one and the same, and unsurprisingly, Megatron does not agree to work with him.

However, some time after incapacitating Megatron, Galvatron does tell the captured Jazz about his entire backstory. Also, the first ever glimpse of Galvatron's unstable state of mind came when Megatron decided to team up with the Autobots to defeat him. He can't seem to handle the cognitive dissonance of this.

Later, leading up the Time Wars arc, Galvatron does manage to get Megatron's assistance by instead convincing him they're the same. One of the first moments that peaked my interest in Galvatron was during this arc. When he sees the Wrecker, Roadbuster, about to shoot Megatron, and remembers that in his timeline, he suffered that injury as Megatron. And in that moment, Galvatron decides to spare his past self the pain.

There are so many layers to this. Imagine remembering horrible pain that your past self suffered and then deciding to suffer that as your current self to spare them that agony. It's not a selfish act, because you still have to feel it. It's bizarrely compassionate in a way. (It's also worth noting that as the timeline diverges more and more from his original one, Galvatron becomes more and more unstable, to the point that even Megatron grows tired of his madness and vows to not end up like him. Once again, something about cognitive dissonance is extremely difficult for Galvatron to handle).

Unlike this Galvatron, Galvatron II initially resents Megatron. Galvatron II actually manages to best Unicron by making Emirate Xaaron wake Primus to get the god's help (!) and then inspiring all the Autobots and Decepticons to fight Unicron (!!!) and eventually Unicron is destroyed.

Galvatron in this continuity is such a badass, I really can't overstate that

But with Unicron gone, Galvatron then sees Megatron as the one thing still holding him back. This is where the header image of this post comes from: Galvatron views Megatron as the flaw to his otherwise-perfect jewel. When Galvatron sneaks aboard the Ark, which Shockwave and Starscream have stolen, and discovers Megatron there, Galvatron blames Megatron for his mental instability. He nearly tries to kill him before he comes to his senses and snaps back to an attitude more like that of the first Galvatron and decides he might need to protect Megatron and team up with him.

This is the (not Straxus-made clone) version of Megatron and Galvatron II, who hadn't met before this point

However, this isn't to be. The Ark crashes when Ratchet sacrifices himself and only Galvatron is seen leaving it. He kills some humans and then unsteadily walks away from the ship, until he ends up at a settlement.

He ends up being tracked down by Fortress Maximus, who shoots him in the back, which triggers Galvatron and causes him to go into a rabid frenzy.

Pictured: Galvatron eating the forbidden noodles

Fortress Maximus beats himself up over causing this for a while until his Headmaster component, Spike Witwicky, tells him to own up to his mistake and fix it.

I want to shift focus for a minute to this final opponent Galvatron ends up facing. Fortress Maximus in this series is an extremely flawed Autobot: so worn-down and eager to stop fighting and have peace that he ended up essentially being a colonialist whose actions and inaction nearly destroy a once-peaceful world. He's a character who is super averse to conflict to the point of being callous at points, and he needed to learn to do his duty and take responsibility for his actions. I mention him because I think Galvatron is a parallel inversion of those character traits: what he actually needs is to just stop fighting, since it's when he isn't that he is actually at his most stable... but that need is getting obscured by his immense power, arrogance, and mental illness.

This conclusion may be reaching, but here is my ultimate take on Galvatron's character here: Galvatron's past self, Megatron, is someone with an indomitable will. No matter how embarrassing the defeat (and he has so many humiliating ones in this continuity, from standing on a cliff that falls out from under him, to freezing up because he was hangry and ate too much raw coal), he keeps going seemingly shamelessly. No matter how many times people like Straxus and Shockwave try to take over his mind, Megatron's personality just keeps reasserting itself in the end. He gets inappropriately intimate with his enemies, and just become more driven and more obsessed if anyone ever manages to get the better of him. He lives to fight, and enjoyed executing people before he ever started the War.

But I think Galvatron is not only a transformed Megatron (+ whoever else was sharing Megatron's head at the time), but a transformed Megatron whose will was shattered by Unicron. That deep down, Galvatron doesn't particularly want to keep fighting and conquering—that he's not at his happiest when he's fighting and killing some powerful opponent the way Megatron is. Instead, fights with people who could threaten him scare him. He doesn't even really care that much about conquering the world... the passion that Megatron had for being a dictatorial strongman is all but gone. Galvatron seemed most satisfied when he was just hanging around on Earth, doing nothing in particular, maybe in a body of water or something, alone, with nobody around to trigger memories of Rodimus Prime or Unicron or anyone else powerful enough to hurt him. Hot take, but I feel like with Galvatron, there could be a chance that he could be open to living peacefully if he were left alone, which is something I didn't feel was possible with Megatron.

...Also, this color scheme for Galvatron is the best ever. Just saying!

[aeonmagnus]

"Starscream's Fantasy" is one of two missing shorts from Transformers Animated.

You may recall the shorts included such skits as Starscream heckling Megatron, and Ratchet performing surgery on Bulkhead. Along with "Logo," this short has been missing for 15 years.

[cirilee]

What was the incident on New Year’s Eve that knock out referenced?

Embarassing for everyone!

Megatron got reaaaally drunk at that party and started giving a never ending speech about their goals and about getting rid of weeds and starting anew in the next year. Starscream (also extremely drunk) predictably began chiming in, basically heckling him, berating him, and eventually they were having a full on shouting match in front of everyone.

And after a while Megatron decides he's gonna execute Scream right now, then and there. Which ends in a pretty even wrestling match, with everyone unsure what to do, while these two roll around on the ground.

At some point Megatron slams Starscream on top of the piano Soundwave was still playing fitting chase music with (the dedication!) - and then they just destroy that piano completely, with Starscream tipping it over on top of Megatron, and Megatron at some point throwing a part of it at Starscream.

Several piano wires come loose, and Megatron wastes no time using them, at which point Knockout finally manages to break them up, with the help of Breakdown.

and since then they never had another new year's eve party :'D

[archie-sunshine]

So i think i would honestly gut the writing for both of them, star and megs in cbv are CUTOUTS to me.

im focusing on megs because his is worse BUT anyways

I would more solidly establish his character from before the war in the flashback episodes BEYOND just having him be a pit fighter and optimus' friend, his reasoning for rising up, his bonds and ideals beyond the 'well hes megatron so we can ASSUME its equality/retribution against the upper class'

Then, i would take the burning endless fury they injected into megatron, and dial it back JUST a little. I enjoy angry megs as much as the next guy, but i don't love when megatron is more bloodthirsty than he is calculating. He can be brutal, and cruel, but CBV's megatron is vitriolic in his hatred towards starscream in such a way that it makes me question why he kept him around in the first place.

On that note, then I think i would establish how megatron and starscream met, where their relationship started, and in what ways starscream COMPLIMENTS megatron to give a good reason why megatron has typically in the past let his betrayal slide. Most megatrons keep their starscreams for one of two reasons:

Option A(currently on display in CBV): megatron tolerates starscream because megatron believes starscream has a skill or purpose that makes him useful.

This is most often the case. currently, in the show this is likely just that the seekers listen to him. bad motivation, relationships need to be born of more convenience than that, especially since if megatron is charismatic enough to raise an army, he may be able to give starscream a run for his money on earning the seekers' favour. (i havent watched the show in like almost a year, sorry if im wrong)

Option B: Megatron tolerates starscream for an emotional purpose

now we can get juicy here. It is inherently irrational for any GOOD megatron starscream pair to ONLY subsist off of usefulness. If i was writing CBV's starscream and megatron(or just about any starscream and megatron) with a relationship in mind i would dig into their connection to one another, and try to examine where the beginning of their relationship might have had more affection in it.

IDEALLY, i would incorporate a mixture of the two, coming around to how i would portray the two in my hypothetical rewrite

Megatron and starscream meet during one of megatron's first public speeches, before he had any following beyond his group of likeminded friends, and spent most of the time heckling him. afterwards, their rivalry got smoothed over by starscream offering to help him practice his speeches.

As their movement progresses, starscream is the one most often encouraging demonstrations to turn violent, and megatron, noting that that's what gets him the most press and attention and new recruits, turns his strategy towards starscream's approach(he always was a man of action (gladiator backstory)). This puts a wedge between megatron and optimus.

skipping forwards to the era in which the main story takes place, megatron and starscream are still a little more at odds with each other, but it's got more of a petty and mean tone to it than an outwardly violent one. Megatron thinks starscream has gotten more reckless as the war has gone on, starscream thinks megatron is holding him back and sitting in his rightful place. They keep each other around out of usefulness to everyone else, but to each other, its mostly out of spite.

their entire relationship would be founded on a contest to see who REALLY gets results, and its spiraled out of control until that playful in fighting has turned into all out war. Mutually, they both have silently agreed without asking that they are going to be the death of each other, and so it's never really a surprise that the other tries to betray them, that's been the rules from the start.

Anyway yeah.

i havent watched cbv in a while

How would you make Cyberverse!Megastar less toxic?

well first of all id make cbv!megatron well written, and i think that would take care of a lot honestly.

[redeyedryu]

So.

I maaaay be working on a Transformers reader insert fic.

It’s set in a canon divergent Transformers Prime universe with a similar premise to my BNHA fic where the Reader is from “reality” and only visits the TFP reality when they’re dreaming. Reader thinks it’s just a dream (and why wouldn’t they? there are no consequences for them—as far as they know) but it isn’t.

Reader takes any and every opportunity to heckle absolutely anyone they can, including the likes of Starscream and Megatron because why bite your tongue when you can’t be hurt?

[witchofthesouls]

Kaon became aware of Soundwave on the baby server when he started droping experienced carrier wisdom. The server was panicking because the babies were upset and inconsolable. Not even The Nurse, Nickel or Tarn could calm them.

Megatron will deny vhemiently that he lurks on the server. He will deny and blast you into next Wednesday if you suggest that seeing the latest cute bitty pictures is the highlight of his day.

Megatron lurks under a pseudonym by Soundwave’s coverage. He had subscribed and has notifications for new newspark material. Sometimes, Megatron wonders if he could spin propaganda out of it, but the projections of the calculated property damage and downward spiraling morale from having a long-term stand-by D.J.D. and Warriors Elite in a shared planetary system.

If it's the AU where Tarn has mandatory office meetings, then Megatron would need to deal the ever-growing mountain of Overlord's and Hook's pestering for Nickel and the Camien. By then, Overlord developed some new habits to be an early bird to officer meet-up locatioms to leave half-dead mechs outside the Peaceful Tyranny to heckle right over you and Nickel working on them. (On a plus side, Overlord had stopped doing more intimate damage as you and Nickel had reported and delivered him straight to Hook and Glit for safe sex and practices re-education. The mechs the Phase Sixer destroys in the berth are the ones that ask for that extensive repair work.) Plus, Megatron would have the calculations of the extreme likelihood where one of the mechs would attempt a kidnapping of the only carrier along with the resulting carnage by Tarn's own hands.

Unfortunately, you have developed enmity towards Soundwave's secret profile after that particular wailing storm. It's hard to tell apart well-meaning glyphs from condescending ones online. While the reinforced pacifier was a big help, you drew the line at dipping it into weakened engex. You keep a pacifier jar in the cool storage. A quick dip in nitrogen is a fast fix, especially with the chewable toys. It's unfortunate that one of the split-sparks has teething issues with sharp fangs. Without anything else resistant to chew on, they resorted to biting into the seams of their siblings' soft frames.

[my-writings-and-musings]

The dynamic I'm dying for

Megatron: Maybe you shouldn't

Y/N: Themechwhotriedtokillmyspeciessayswhat

Megatron:

Y/N:

I absolutely adore Megatron with a soft and forgiving human SO but DARN IT ALL if this wouldn't be the funniest thing, regardless of whether they're dating or not. I might have written this on a wave of sheer silliness so forgive me if it's a little out there.

Megs probably accepted a lot of what was coming his way when he joined the crew of the Lost Light, especially the threats and disrespect he'd endure from bots on a day to day basis, because he knows what his actions have put them through and that he deserves their anger. This foresight is what allows him to respond so gracefully to most of it, and though he struggles from time to time he actually finds it rather bearable after a while. But nothing could have prepared him for the raw power of human sass, or the fact that only through your heckling will he truly reap what he has sown. The first blow is struck not long after he's settled on the ship and he says his first words to you.

"Ah, Y/N, perhaps you shouldn't-"

His momentary concern to see something so tiny next to the edge of a proportionally towering table drives him to speak, and the words fly out of your tiny mouth as you continue to walk without a glance in his direction, setting up a takedown of the hulking bot no Autobot could claim an equal to.

"Failure-of-a-warlord-says-what?"

Bafflement makes him reply on instinct before he's even considered what you might have said.

"What?"

You smile as you expertly hop down a series of chairs, and the full weight of your victory has only just begun to dawn on him by the time your feet hit the floor.

"I thought so."

Silence overpowers the canteen as several dozen jaws drop in unspeakable awe. Moments drag into hours, mountains rise then crumble, and entire star systems blink in and out of existence in the time it takes you to walk out through the open door. At its closing the celebrations erupt, bots cheering and saluting the unmatched power of a single organic who has done more for the Autobot cause in six words than some do in a lifetime. Enjex flows like water in Swerve's bar that night, and the lucky few who witnessed history regale the rest with stories of your bravery, each of them more fantastic than the last as the revelers marvel over your fearlessness. A new mix of drink is named in your honor. Songs are composed entirely overnight. More than a few bots wonder wistfully if you'd ever like to be roommates...

In a darkened room, Megatron secures himself away for days, unable to process the entire ordeal. You don't even reach his ankle; where did you find such bottomless depths of courage? Where did you learn how to speak so calmly to one such as he? Where would he next be caught off guard by your power?

He can't even be angry when it happens again, the pattern of defeat intensifying even as the two of you begin to partake in genuine conversation from time to time. Somehow he always falls into your trap, and between the many witnesses and their revelry you now walk as a god amongst Titans, but he still keeps going back to you. A more emotionally intelligent bot might have theorized that your brutal honesty and disregard for his status was what motivated him, but in his haze he just let everything happen without a thought.

No one knows how you two started dating. No one really cares to find out either. So long as every so often you catch him with a "Poet-to-tyrant-says-huh?" and he continues to fall for it the people are content.

[theabominableblogger]

Some thoughts on rewatching “Transformers Animated”

There are at least two separate occasions where Optimus basically goes “actually they’re right, Ratchet, you are too old and cranky” and the second instance actually made me spit out my water with laughter

It’s actually kinda embarassing when I try to tell people that I did not first recognize Peter Stormare from other popular content like John Wick.  Oh no.  I first heard about him as MELTDOWN in THIS SHOW

The whole cast deserves praise honestly, especially Corey Burton

They snuck in so much darker material and subtext than I originally thought there was...

TFA Lockdown is still as awesome and horrifying at the same time. Also helps having LANCE HENRIKSEN as the VA

Townsend Coleman is hilarious even if he’s playing a complete jerk

The Blackarachnia episodes are actually some of my favorites in the whole show

Someone on YouTube made an entire video full of the roasts from this show and it is immaculate

The only good episodes with the Constructicons are the Home Alone episode and the S2 finale two-parter change my mind

David Kaye as Optimus Prime is a freaking gift

TFA Megatron is often talked about as probably one of the best Megatrons and y’know what?  You’re right

Confirmed to A) swirl his alcoholic drinks, B) be as smarmy and classy as possible, C) be equally annoyed with Lugnut trying to kiss his butt at every possible opportunity, D) be actually EXTREMELY competent, and E) completely does not care that Starscream is basically immortal

Hearing about the behind the scenes stories (especially when David Kaye tells them) is hilarious.  Special shout outs to Jeff Glen Bennett making everyone cry with laughter and the creative team basically going “Ohhh there is no God in this show” as well as “well the movie!Optimus flame decals are stupid Hasbro so you may have them in S4... FOR TWO MINUTES”

Also according to the wiki, Tara Strong had Tom Kenny read all of Slipstream’s lines first before she did her line readings so that she could nail Tom's inflections. May we hear these???

Weird Al is in this show and he is as exactly as I thought he was gonna be:  hilarious

Alternate title for this show is “Nearly threw hands with a 13 year old”

My siblings and I have stanned TFA Prowl since we first discovered this show and we continue to do so

Can we address that Henry Gilroy wrote the first two Soundwave episodes then turned around to help write “Star Wars:  The Clone Wars” and “Star Wars Rebels” with Dave Filoni?  What a badass

George Takei voices a ninja master who wears samurai armor and you’re not gonna question it

I can honestly say that I will gladly sit down to watch an episode that is entirely about Megatron and Starscream heckling each other while floating aimlessly in space

Having never seen the “Human Error” arc before, watching it for the first time is a freaking trip lemme tell you.

I have receipts for it because I personally had a lot of fun watching it as well as lost my mind

Is... is Blitzwing a cannibal?

Knowing that Hasbro specifically requested for the production team to up the maturity in lieu of shows like “Clone Wars” at the time, hearing the original plans for the cancelled S4 are both scary and extremely interesting to behold

Apparently for S4, there was a rumor that Invader Zim himself (Richard Horvitz) was gonna voice Scalpel and honestly that is genius

The citizens of Detroit are so nonplussed with walking talking giant robots that they’ll yell at them regardless of the height difference and the ability to stop puny organics on sight

The actual Tumblr fandom for this show is... hmm half and half.  You guys ship... hmm.  You guys like... all right.

Also half the fan artists just draw hearts instead of the insigna and I don’t know if that’s lazy or inspired???  Probably the first one

The meta’s good stuff though.  If I find some.