#Me: I am the saddest widow in the world

[extravagantliar]

the people asking me how I’ve been doing the last week are some of the realest and funniest people on this planet

[lescarbille]

You know what tonight I'm in a very special mood so I just share extract of every Landoscar & Carcar WIP/Pieces of stories I have on my computer and that I will post someday.

Pt. 1 / Pt. 2

How to court an Omega in 81 days | Carloscar | Regency AU | Long OS

Oscar is on the balcony, his delicate hands playing with the wisteria surrounding the marble. He looks ethereal under the dim light of chandeliers, stars, and moon. The smell of citrus and chocolate lingers in the air, betraying what he hates most about himself ; He's an Omega. An Omega who dreams of travelling and escaping the life that his family has built for him.  Omegas don't have many choices, they show up at court, get married, and start a family. The luckiest know love, the saddest know life of tasteless monotony, the most tragic pray for the death of their spouses.  Oscar expected to pray to be widowed as quickly as possible, and Carlos is convinced.  He must be cursed because he fell in love with the only Omega who would refuse to marry a Prince.  The Diamond of the season. The Omega who shone on the crown of his social events for this year and whom everyone was so eager to court. Carlos fell for him, and the aftermath is painful.  I won't get married. The court can say whatever they want, my means of surviving is being an old maid or whatever they decide to call me. I'd rather be a scandal than a trophy for a disgusting Alpha. “What are you doing here, Carlos?” he asks annoyingly, without the slightest ounce of politeness towards his title. “I thought you were courting Charles Leclerc.” “Never.”

Bloody Poppy | Landoscar | Hunger Games AU | Unsure about long OS or long story

They are in an arena. The air is stifling. Seventeen are already dead. Lando killed three of them. They're covered in mud, blood, and sweat, they're starving and yet Oscar looks at him like he's capable of catching the moon, the stars, the sun, and everything else in this fucking universe from lunatics.  He may have succumbed to madness.  Lando too.  He wants to kiss him. The possibilities of what action to take before dying are slim, but damn, kissing Oscar Piastri is at the top.

Every Dead Man Should Tell Some Tales (link) | Landoscar & Lestappen | Dark Magic Realism AU | very long story

Lando screams and cries. Lando struggles. His feet whip the air, he lifts his wrists under the crushing weight of the steel handcuffs. He feels the cold body behind him. He feels the lifeless corpse.  Hot tears roll down his cheeks as he shouts.  He yells an incessant stream of words. He screams Oscar's name. He continues to cry out even when his voice fades.  Oscar. Oscar. Oscar.  Will he never have the chance to tell Oscar the truth?  “I still have the rings.” This simple sentence sums up a simple thought. A simple and terrible thought that he wants to deny. He can't deny it when he hears Death walking down the hall. He'll die here. Maybe he will have the opportunity to tell him in another world? No. He will go to Hell. Lando has his place down there. He will go to hell with these regrets, his screams and this fucking sentence that hides the only truth that ever mattered: “I still have the rings”.

Guide to ‘I Accidentally Acquired a Personal Demon’ by Lando Norris | Landoscar | OS

“I am Oscarus, your personal demon.” Lando blinks several times, he looks at his front door, at the red candles on the kitchen table, and again at the boy—no, the demon—in front of him. Oscarus is taller than him, with a pale skin star dotted with moles, pretty brown eyes and the fluffy hair of a Prince Charming. He looks like a Prince Charming. Does Disney have a connection with the devil? Bad question, obviously, capitalism.  “My personal demon?” “That’s what the terms of the contract you made with the Underworld say…” "The contract? The contract I made with…” “The Underworld,” Oscar finishes.  Lando nods. He's going to kill George. George accidentally made him contract with the Underworld. Lando wanted a boyfriend, not a personal demon. A demon that doesn't look like a demon... “Are you sure you’re a demon and not an angel, Oscar?” "Oscarus." “Because I asked for a boyfriend.” “I don’t practice sex slavery.” “Cool, me neither Osc.” What a shame. "This is Oscarus."

It's Never Over in Vegas | Landoscar | Sequel to Is It Over Now? | OS

Oscar loses the 2025 Las Vegas grand prix.  Oscar loses.  His ears ring as the modest “P2” his race engineer tells him, it sticks in his throat. One more lap and he would have passed Arthur, one more lap and the blue velvet box would have been opened.  Better than Pandora, he would have poured all the happiness into his universe, because he made a promise.  And if I win in Vegas next year, I'll be the type of guy who buys an engagement ring He already has the ring. He does not have the victory. He did not win, he did not win what for him was the most important race of the year.

Your Drew Stars around My Scars | Carlandoscar triangle | Folklore love triangle | Long OS or Short Multiple chapter story

Lando erases the stars that he drew with a black marker on the white soles of his Converse. It takes him an intense moment of reflection to realize that his pen is red and that the stars give the impression of bleeding. Awesome. They correlate with his heart.  Carlos cheated on him.  Carlos cheated on him during the summer.  Carlos cheated on him over the summer with a boy named Oscar Piastri.

Dance around the cursed lake | Landoscar | Black swan AU | Long OS or Short Multiple chapter story

Oscar and Lando shouldn't be enemies. White Swan and Black Swan. They are both cursed. Oscar is waiting for a kiss of sincere love to be freed from the Swan Lake curse Swan. Lando just wants to escape the influence of the dark wizard. They are not free, but they should be.  They are not meant to be enemies, but they have to be.  Neither can live as long as the other survives.

[oneemotionalblender]

Natasha Romanoff x Reader - Ghost of You

Heyy guyys ! Well , here we go ....

Warnings : sadness , death , some no-no words , possibly Endgame spoilers

Yepp , this one's sad :(

Based on : Ghost of You by 5 Seconds of Summer

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All my life I have been asking myself one question . What is love ?

Is it a feeling of pure bliss ?

Is it just a chemical reaction ?

Is it something everyone will find ?

Should we even look for love ?

Or , is it something straight from fairytales for children ?

Is love only for children ?

I have settled on the last statement . Love is for children .

People fall in love , and then what ?

How do we know if it's really love ?

How do we know if it isn't only excitement , of something new ?

That's what I was asking myself .

Now I know what love is . Love is pain . Love is pure pain . You see , when you leave someone because they cheated on you ,it's easier because somewhere deep , deep inside you know they weren't worth it . Yes , you cry for some time but that's life . Eventually you can move on . Because you know if they really loved you , they would never do something to hurt you . They would try to do everything in their power to make you feel good , make you feel loved . Even if it meant let you go , because they know you deserve better , that you will be better .

But true pain ? True heartbreak ? Is when you lose someone . When life just decides to take them from you . That's true hurt . Because you know that you will never see them again . You will never be able to feel their touch again . Because everything will once fade away . Their smell on your sheets , the lipstic stains from their favorite mug , the books they loved to read , they will just sit there , as dust will settle on them , because you don't want to touch them . They are one of the things they touched the last . You imagine as their delicate fingers touched them . And you know you're not ready . To let them go . To move on . And maybe , you'll never be .

Love has this effect . Just pure pain . Because no one is here forever , and you know it . But you're still broken when it happens . Because the saddest thing is when you are feeling completely damaged , you look around and realize that there in no shoulder for you to cry on .

*Your POV*

Here I am waking up , still can't sleep on your side .

I fluttered my eyes open , streched my arms and sat on my bed . I looked at the untouched side . Her side . I felt tears forming in my tired eyes .

I made my way to the bathroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror .

Bloodshot , red eyes from crying . Check .

Hair in all the directions . Check .

Dark circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep . Check .

Face that looks like a it has survived the apocalypse . Check .

It's been two weeks since we saved the universe . Two weeks since we killed Thanos . Two weeks since Tony sacrificed himself . Two weeks since .... I lost her .

I laughed at myself . How come one person can make you so desperate ? I don't know , but she did . I tought about the day I met her .

What the hell does he want now ?!

Oh right , let me clear it up for you . My name is Y/N Y/L/N . I'm a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent . And I kind of have telekinesis powers too . I'm a level 8 agent , so I know pretty much about everything . Not like Fury , obviously . His secrets have secrets , for God's sake . And he's the person who called me right now . He didn't say anything . Just "Come to my office ." So that's where I'm going right now .

I open the door to see Fury , and a beautiful red-head , which I recognise as Natasha Romanoff , the famous Black Widow .

"You wanted to see me boss ?" I kept a straight face .

"Yes . Agent Y/L/N , you have made a lot of progress since you came here . I assume you know about the Avengers ." He looked at me . Where the hell is this even going ?

"Since you are an amazing spy-"

"Hold up , was that a compliment ?" I smirked and Fury sighed .

"I'm flattered , really." Heh

"Y/N , let me finish ."

"Ok , continue ."

"As I was saying , you are also very skilled at hand-to-hand combat ." I smirked again .

"This must be my lucky day." I said .

"Ok , sorry . Continue ."

"I am now offering you a spot on the team . The question is , are you ready for it ?" OMG OMG OMG

"I am boss . I won't let you down ."

"I know you won't , otherwise I wouldn't be giving you this offer . Romanoff will now escort you to your new home , the Avengers Tower ."

I sighed . That was a long time ago . Now everything is different .

I put on leggins and some random shirt . At this point I absolutely don't care how I look .

If I could dream long enough , you tell me I'll be just fine , I'll be just fine .

She would want me to move on . I know she would . But I don't know if I'll be able to do that . She was the one person in the world I would die for , and I know she would do the same for me . And she did . She did it for all of us .

"See you in a minute ."

A minute turned to an hour . An hour turned into a week . A week turned into a month . A minute became forever .

"Clint , where's Nat ." Steve asked and looked at Clint . I did the same . Big mistake . I saw his tears stained cheeks , red eyes and empty stare . He looked at me . No . No , no , no , no . This is wrong . This can't be true . I looked at the others . They figured out what is going on . Cap had tears in his eyes and Tony looked at the verge of crying too . I ran out of the room , tears blurred my vision . I opened the door to our room and colapsed on bed . I cried into her pillow . Why ? Why her ? It should have been me . And all of it for that goddamn glowing stone . It wasn't worth it . Where's the "We don't trade lives" now Cap , huh ? She promised me . She promised she would come back . It should have been me .

I wiped away the tears that stained my cheeks . It should have been me .

So I drown it out

Like I always do

Dancing through our house

With the ghost of you

I look around the kitchen . I see her favorite cup , her favorite fruit , her favorite kind of cereal . Everything is reminding me of her . I look at the seat beside me and for a brief moment I see her there . And everything is fine . But then I realize that it's only my imagination . That my dreams about me and her dancing are just my imagination .

So I drown it out

Like I always do

Dancing through our house

With the ghost of you

And I chase it down

With a shot of truth

That my feet don't dance

Like they did with you

"Hey Nat" I gently layed the blood red rose on her grave .

"I don't even know why I came here , talking to an empty grave , but look at me ." I chuckled .

"Anyways , Clint is sending you a hug . The kids miss their auntie Nat . And I miss my Nat too . God I miss you so much Natasha , you can't even imagine . If you were here you would laugh at me for being so pathetic . But you're not . You're not here and that fucking kills me . I don't know how I can live without you . I loved you so much Romanoff . God who am I kidding , I love you so much Romanoff . Why can't you come back to me ?! Why is the universe so cruel ? I just want you back . You should be right here next to me . Anyways , sorry I didn't came sooner . I couldn't bring myself to it . We lost Tony too um, but I guess you already know that . Cap is now officialy a fossil , you would be proud . We had a funeral for you , even tough you probably wouldn't want one . But you deserve it . It was nice , just us , the people you loved and the people that loved you . Because they did , they really did . I'm still crying every night and honestly , I'm used to it by now , even though you know how I hate crying . Well , I have a meeting with Fury , you know how those go . I should probably be on my way now . I will come here every friday ok ? I promise ." I have gently blew a kiss to the sky .

"Natasha , I just want you to know , that no matter what you say or think ,

You are a hero .

And you wiped that red away a long time ago . I'm gonna miss you , probably forever . I'm not sure if I can move on from you . You were the one , I know it now . And maybe , just maybe , when the time is right , I will see you again . Ok um , say hi to Tony from me , ok ? I love you ."

I gently laid my fingers on her grave . I sighed .

Maybe someday ....

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Well , that's it . Was it ok ? Idk

Thoughts ?

Love ya <3

[makeyourownmyth]

best seen in 2020.

My usual caveats from previous years are still applicable here: I don’t watch most of the major nominations the years they come out, and I’m usually not much for theaters and/or current TV. However, due to the pandemic, we watched a loooooooot of content. Here’s just a list of movies that I watched or rewatched this year, that were neither terrible, nor great, but I want to make note of:

Toy Story 4, The Brothers Bloom, Happiest Season, The Peanut Butter Falcon, Moana, Mr. Right, Moulin Rouge, Ocean’s Eleven, Spring Breakers, X-Men: Dark Phoenix (this might have been the worst movie I watched this year?), Widows, Gattaca, Black Klansman, Primer, It 2, Shazam (this maybe should have gone on the Honorable Mentions - it was fun), Training Day, Parasite (OK, now I have to update my Honorable Mentions), The Green Book, Strange Days, Elf, Love & Basketball, Above the Rim, Coach Carter.

That being said, there was some bad stuff, and I try not to shit on any artist’s creations too much, because I know no one sets out to make something bad, but these didn’t work for me. 

Anti

Uncut Gems - It’s not that it was BAD, it was just too stressful for me to enjoy.

Brick - It wasn’t even close to enjoyable on a rewatch that I encouraged my partner to take on for the first time. I felt bad. 

Hereditary - Neither a scary movie, nor a good movie.  

The Witch - Same, but maybe better made?

Under The Skin - Jesus, this was terrible. Maybe I’m not artsy enough to get it?

Now, however, let’s get to the good stuff. 

Honorable Mention TV

Avatar - I can’t legitimately put it on the Best Of list, because I’m not done yet, but I’m on Book 3, after finally actually getting started. I think I tried to start this in 2016, and i know all my nerd friends have been yelling at me for a long time because I haven’t gotten to it yet, and as someone who’s almost done, I can say: they were right! It’s great. 

Ozark - S1 was great. It fell off a fucking CLIFF after that. Ignore people who tell you that you HAVE to watch this. They’re wrong. It’s fine. 

The Last Dance - I know the world is obsessed with Michael Jordan, and I’m glad it came out when it did, but really, all it did for me was confirm that he’s an asshole who was very fortunate to play when he did. And also that the Bulls were fucking phenomenal. 

His Dark Materials - Neither as bad as some of my friends think, nor nearly as good as the books (obviously) but also not good enough that I’ve even started S2 yet, so....I guess it’s fine? 

The Mandalorian S2 - I think they know what they’re doing, and it’s super enjoyable, and I loved the ending, but I’m also curious as to where they’re going now. 

Fargo S3 - Given how good the rest of the series is (other than my distaste for S2, dealt with below, and out of step with pop culture) I thought this one was a misstep, 

Orphan Black - I cannot believe how late I was to this, and how good it still was. It really fell apart toward the end, but the acting was incredible, and the fact that they got to tell the story they wanted to was amazing. 

Best TV

7. All the Smoke with Kobe (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3R3KIyEgCgc) - Maybe it was just his death, but it hits hard, and I miss him. Does this even count as TV? 

6. Looking for Alaska - It felt like gratuitous masochism to watch this and enjoy it, being 20 years older than when I fell for it, and feeling ashamed of the young person I was, but even knowing what was coming, I was weeping when it happened. Even knowing that they were ultimately going on a fruitless search and yelling at the TV while the Colonel and Pudge were searching for “signs” and hating them for it, I remember feeling like everything HAD to happen for a reason when I was this young... So yeah. It’s pure nostalgia for me. I’d be super interesting in hearing how kids responded to it. 

5. Locke and Key - I get that some people feel like they don’t need old shit in a new medium, but for me, I’m always up to try it out. If it’s fun, I’ll stick with it. And this is. It’s fun, it’s got some of the old shit, it’s got some new shit, and it’s a treat to see my favorite comic of the last decade in a new medium. Haters need a new bit. 

Fargo s1 and s4 (I didn’t love S3) - I know that I’m in the minority here, but I think 1 and 4 are the best and 2 was good, and 3 was fine. I literally watched all of this show this year, though, so I didn’t have the same time to digest as others. But I think that’s a benefit in some regards? 

4. Magicians s5 - One of the saddest conversations of the last year to two was when a nerd friend of mine said he didn’t like The Magicians because all of the characters were whiny and self-indulgent. For me, that was almost literally the point: they shoved Q into the corner and told the story of the others (at least one episode quite self-referentially so) and it was so much better for that. I wish it hadn’t ended, but I’m glad they left it where they did, because it was so good.  

3. Devs esp. The beginning of e5 - Jesus. The show of the year? Except for the fact that Watchmen came out at the tail end of last year, and I didn’t have it on my 2019 list? I mean, honestly, is there a show more tailored to me? I’m not gonna get into any spoilers, but it’s a quick watch, and it’s fucking fantastic. Watch it, have your mind blown by the concept, especially in the beginning sequence of E5, and then stick around for the subpar ending where basically all of the threads are resolved in the least good way. 

2. Watchmen - This deserves multiple re-watches and all the praise that people heaped upon it. 

1. The Good Place - I know, objectively, that Watchmen was a better show than The Good Place. But this is my list, and I’ll be damned if anything overtakes my favorite sitcom (maybe of all time?) for best of the year. I know it barely just ended this year, and there’s plenty of acclaim to go around for this show, but honestly, every time I talk to anyone about it, it feels like they kind of laugh it off. This show is not only worth your time, but should almost be considered must-watch material. If more people watched this show, we wouldn’t need the insult “sophomoric” to describe people who’ve just had their minds blown by Philosophy 101, and we’d be better off as a species. 

Honorable Mention Movies

In this order, and you can take the comedies and make them the only honorable mentions, if you’d like to make a nice, even top 10. (Until I saw Tenet the night before I posted this.( (And then I looked back at the playing cards that we use to randomly choose movies and I found that I needed to modify the Honorable Mentions and the Best Of lists.) 

21 and 22 Jump Street - In general, I’m not a fan of comedies. So I’m happy I watched these, thanks to Nathan Zed, and they’re funny. Good work guys. 

Palm Springs - Apparently there’s now backlash against Groundhog Day? I dunno, man, it was fun, and all the actors seemed like they were having a good time, and I was down for it. 

Parasite - I can’t add anything to this that hasn’t already been shouted from the rooftops, so let me just briefly say that I thought it was great, but it didn’t quite make the list of best. The combo of genres was great, the cast was fantastic, but what I loved the most about it was how quiet it was.

Best Movies

10. Blinded by the Light - Way more resonant than I thought it’d be from the previews, and I already thought it was gonna be stellar. I didn’t take into account TIME along with place, and that made a hell of a difference for this movie. 

9. Shoplifters - Yeesh. What a tough watch, but so good, and so necessary. For me, I think we watched it back to back to back with Parasite and I, Tonya, and this one just stood out so much more. The storyline was softer all the way through, but really had gravitas simultaneously. 

8. Tenet - It was fucking fun! I don’t get the hate! I liked it, I’ll like it more next time I see it, and I wish I’d seen it on the big screen, but I’m super glad I could see it on my TV! 

7. I, Tonya - Geez, what a powerhouse of acting. Not only did they get me to feel good about the villain of my childhood, they got me to feel good about Margot Robbie, who I’d only thought of as a hot lady before. Superb acting from everyone else, too, and what a great pick up to be like, yeah, this is the story we’re gonna tell. 

6. I Am Not Your Negro - I avoided watching it for so long because I was already depressed this year, and I didn’t think I needed any more of that, but it turns out I did, and I always do, from Baldwin. He’s a master for a reason. 

5. Hamilton - I know there was some backlash with the time difference, and I’m sure it was better to see it pre-2016 in the theater, where it’s meant to be seen, but I’m not a billionaire New Yorker, and I was plenty happy to see it when and where I could. 

4. Won’t You Be My Neighbor - I mean...what do you think? It’s so much exactly what you’re thinking it is, but then it’s even better, because it’s the real deal, and he was so good, and it’s so pure. Watch it. 

3. Her Smell - Elizabeth Moss has already gotten all the acclaim, but to play this different of a role, in a movie that felt as stressful as Uncut Gems, but pulled off an actual plot so much more successfully? I can’t believe this one didn’t get more pub, but then again, yes I can: it’s a movie about a girl band that rages against the machine, and she’s got severe issues. Small surprise that the people didn’t react well. Seek this one out! 

2. Arrival - Yes, I am going to totally cheat and put a movie that’s appeared on my list (sooooo long ago) as the #2 entry this year. You know why? Cuz fuck 2020, and this is a great movie, and it’s the movie that made me feel second best this year. It’s incredible, and I know people appreciated it in its time, but I feel like they should appreciate it even more. 

1. Moonlight - It’s not a shock, nor am I trying to appease anyone with anything. It’s just that I finally watched it, and it’s the best movie I saw this year. I don’t think I could possibly add anything to the authentic critics who have already heaped praise upon it, but I do have to say that it’s all due, and so much more. The acting obviously stands out, but the direction, from the color palettes, to the choice of when and where (and how) to break it up, are all masterful choices.  

[redvanillabee]

Agent Carter! For the fandom ask thing

thanks @likea-black-widow-baby! :)

the first character i ever fell in love with: Peggy Carter (duh)

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: to a very small extent Howard? I guess after years of the MCU I just got tired of watching a womanizing Stark always (on the verge of) jeopardizing a mission and/or destroying the world out of carelessness.

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: n/a :)

my ultimate favorite character™: Peggy, no question

prettiest character: Peggy (very closely followed by Dottie)

my most hated character: The warden/landlady at the Griffith (I have totally forgotten her name)

my OTP: Peggy/Sousa :)

my NOTP: (I’m not aware enough of the non-canon ships to have a notp. I’m ok with all the canon ships)

favorite episode: 1x06

saddest death: Thompson (I know he’s not dead, but in the absence of major character deaths in the show and an actual S3, let’s say his assassination.)

favorite season: S1

least favorite season: S2 (I like some aspects of S2. There are lot of funny moments, and I like that there are more character relationships at play. But that love triangle is the most contrived thing in the world and too much for my aro heart.)

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: (it’s 2021 and I missed the whole train idek who is the fandom fave apart from Peggy)

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: Thompson (by second half of S2)

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: Angie and Ana

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: I don’t have one. That said, I am still mad that I missed the whole JackDaniels train, because when I finally rewatched S1/watched S2 this summer all my ship senses were tingling and I would have loved to witness that craze.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: Cartinelli (the chemistry is clear, and I would read fics of them, but we don’t see enough of Angie for me to know her as a character)

[everythingmusicandfilm]

Avengers Endgame: The Perfect Ending

The Marvel cinematic universe has been changing my life for 11 years now. I was ten years old when Iron Man came out in theatres and I became absolutely obsessed. Since then, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Thor, Bruce Banner, Natasha Romanoff, Clint Barton, Peter Parker, Carol Danvers, Wanda Maximoff, Vision, Nebula, Scott Lang, Hope Pym, Bucky Barnes, Peter Quill, Rocket, Groot. Drax, Gamora, Mantis, Stephen Strange, James Rhodes, Okoye, Shuri, T’Challa, Sam Wilson, Valkyrie and Wong have all inspired me to be a superhero. I am now 21 years old and Avengers Endgame was the perfect ending to a childhood filled of fantasy. Thank You to the avengers, both characters and actors for shaping my life and continuing to bring a smile to my face.

*Spoiler Warning

Avengers Endgame was a perfect ending to the first saga of the mcu. Tony Stark, the man who started it all had a sad ending but as Pepper says, at least he can finally rest now. As much as I love Tony, I’ve also had a little resentment towards him for being an extremely narcissistic character. Sure it’s charming every so often but when you’re in charge of saving the world, we kind of need you to be a bit selfless. When he states “I am Iron Man” in the movie that started it all, he does it to attract attention and fuel his ego even more. However over the course of the mcu as he meets the other avengers and saves the world countless times (putting the nuclear bomb through the wormhole, creating Vision, tries to work with the government to ensure safety for the world, gets a frickin moon thrown at him and of course gives his life to not only bring back those that were lost in the snap but to also stop thanos and his army for good), his final statement “I am Iron Man” proves how much he has grown and how worthy he is of his status as Iron Man. He started it all and now he’s finishing it, in the most badass way possible.

Captain America of course has his ending in the film however his is a little more happy than Tony’s. Steve goes back in time to finally live the life with Peggy he always wanted. He gets married, maybe has kids who knows and actually gets to grow old. He plays a huge role in this film as he proves himself once again of being the noble soldier who never gives up. He and Natasha fight to make the time travel idea work in order to bring back the dusted characters and he even picks up Thor’s hammer (but I think he could always do this and just didn’t want to hurt Thor’s feelings). At the end of the film the fate of ‘Captain America’ is answered as old Steve comes back to give his shield to Sam. Bucky smirking in the background makes me think he knew what Steve was going to do. So Steve Rogers got the happy ending but Captain America still lives on.

Other characters got their endings or partial endings too. Black Widow’s death was the saddest part of the film for me as it was completely unexpected. She gave her life to ensure that the dusted characters could come back and shows how much she has grown from a Russian Spy with a dark past to one of the most brave avengers ever. Clint is reunited with his family and even Bruce has a happy ending as he works out his differences with the Hulk and they become one. Thor has an unanswered ending as he becomes depressed, puts on weight and steps down from the throne and decides to join the Guardians of the Galaxy (*Asguardians). Will we be seeing him in Guardians 3?

Although this film was mainly an ending for many characters, it also hinted at the beginning of the next phase of the mcu which is going to be lead mostly by females! With Iron Man gone, the responsibility of Stark Industries and poor wee Morgan is solely handed over to Pepper. Similarly, Thor steps down as King of Asgard and gives the throne to Valkyrie. Captain Marvel has also been cast as the new lead of the mcu as she saved Tony and nebula, destroyed Thanos’s ships therefore saving literally everyone else, stopped Thanos with her bare hands from snapping his fingers again and then doesn’t even flinch when he tries to headbutt her. She even absorbs the power stone so that Iron Man can take the rest of the stones from Thanos and kill him and his army. Carol may not have been in the film for very long but you can’t deny that the ending would have been very different if it wasn’t for her. As we see in the all female avengers scene when Okoye states that Carol has help, the mcu will be lead by not Carol Danvers alone but by all the female avengers as they prove in a post-feminist world that women are just as strong as men if not stronger. I also thought it was a nice touch that the infinity gauntlet got passed between Black Panther, Spider-Man and Captain Marvel to represent them becoming the new leaders of the mcu.

This film proved just how powerful and beloved the Avengers are with fans from all over the world. When the audience first heard a whisper of Sam’s voice in Cap’s ear they erupted into shock and excitement. Sam then says “on your left” as the Wakandan drums plays and the first of the dusted characters (Black panther, Okoye and Shuri) appear. The rest of the avengers, each who have played a huge part in the mcu over the past 11 years and have created a powerful relationship with the audience then proceed to appear as the avengers theme plays out and the audience claps and cheers. Cap then picks up his shield and Thor’s hammer and simply states “Avengers, Assemble’. An extremely powerful line that actually hasn’t been heard yet in the mcu. The greatest battle in history then plays out and well we all know how it ends, the Avengers save the day. This film is one for the history books, not just because of how much money it will make and it being the last official “avengers” film, but because of the powerful connection between the characters/actors and the audience. The audience reaction to this film on opening night was an experience I will never forget. Never before has a film made me laugh, cry, gasp and cheer so much as it genuinely had my heart pumping for three hours straight. Thank You to the avengers and the cast and crew for dedicating 11 years of incredible movies to create this cinematic masterpiece of an ending. And thank you to the newcomers and continuing cast who will keep the mcu thriving for a lifetime. I love you all 3000.

[foreveranevilregal]

1-69

Thanks bae!

Under a cut for length...

1. A song you’re ashamed of liking: “Black Widow”-Iggy Azalea and Rita Ora

2.  Favorite lyrics: “And just to clear the air, I ask forgiveness for the things I’ve done you blame me for.” For Good

3. Favorite band/artist: Respectively, Linkin Park and Rachel Platten

4. Top 5 favorite songs at this moment: Lonely No More- Rob Thomas, Yeah!-Usher, I Like It-Cardi B and J.Balvin, Taki Taki- Selena Gomez, No Roots-Alice Merton

5. Latest song that made you smile: Get It Faster-Jimmy Eat World (by coming up on shuffle)

6. An overrated band: Coldplay

7. An overrated song: Shallow by Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga. It’s just nice extremely overplayed

8. Latest song that made you cry: You Belong-Rachel Platten

9. Artist/band that saved your life: Rachel Platten

10. If you could see any band/artist live, who would it be? Either Rachel for the fourth (!) time or Florence and the Machine again, because her performances are incredible.

11. What song/album/band/artist always brings back memories for you? Low- T-Pain, Headstrong by Ashley Tisdale, Linkin Park, and Hilary Duff respectively

12. Saddest song you know: Lost on You-LP

13. Favorite song to sing in the shower? Still Let It Go...

14. If you played an instrument in grade school, what was it? Violin and clarinet!

15. What song would you like to have your first dance to? Only Hope- Mandy Moore

16. 5 songs to have sex to: Collide-Rachel Platten, LoveGame-Lady Gaga, Hips Don’t Lie-Shakira, Touch-a-Touch-a-Touch Me, Wild Thoughts-Rihanna and Bryson Tiller

17. One band you’d have get back together/bring back from the dead: Linkin Park. It’s not the same without Chester.

18. You’re forced to listen to only one album for the rest of your life, what album is it? Toss up between Rachel’s Wildfire and Linkin Park’s Hybrid Theory

19. A song that gets you through shit: The Winner Takes It All-ABBA

20. A song to shut everything out: No More Sorrow-Linkin Park

21. A song that’s a joke between you and your friends: In the End by Linkin Park, we all tried to memorize the lyrics in high school, and I actually succeeded (and still know them).

22. A song to jam out to at 4 AM: I Love It- Icona Pop and Charli XCX

23. A song that punches you in the gut every single time: For Good from Wicked

24. A song that calms you down: Let Your Heart Hold Fast-Fort Atlantic

25. A song that makes you feel alive: Electric Twist-A Fine Frenzy

26. If you could get any lyrics tattooed, which would you choose? “And love if your wings are broken, borrow mine so yours can open too.” Stand by You- Rachel Platten

27. What band/artist would you get your kids addicted to? Queen

28. Can you play any instruments? Answered

29. If you could be a member of any band for one show, which would it be? Florence and the Machine

30. CDs or vinyl? CDs

31. 25 songs to play at your funeral? No. Just one: Leave Out All the Rest-Linkin Park

32. What are some song titles that you love? Love the Way You Lie, anything by Fall Out Boy really

33. If your life ended today, what song would you choose to represent it? I’m Just a Kid- Simple Plan

34. Can you give me a 10 song playlist on _? Mental breakdown. Control-Halsey, Gasoline-Halsey, By Myself- Linkin Park, Ship to Wreck- Florence and the Machine, Bring Me to Life- Evanescence, Imaginary- Evanescence, Human- Christina Perri, Better Off Alone-Alice Deejay, Heavy-Linkin Park, Demons- Imagine Dragons

35. A heartwrenching song: Total Eclipse of the Heart-Bonnie Tyler

36. A band or artist you’re proud of: MY GIRL BAECHEL

37. A song that has a lot of meaning to you: Ghost-Ella Henderson

38. A song that reminds you of school: You didn’t specify when, so I’ll give 3: Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em for middle school, Tik Tok-Ke$ha for high school, Starships-Nicki Minaj for college

39. A song not sung in your native language: Dragostea din Tei-O-Zone (Numa Numa)

40. An instrumental song: Pan’s Labyrinth lullaby

41. A classical song: Hall of the Mountain King-Edvard Grieg

42. A song with no percussion: Hallelujah-Jeff Buckley

43. Something you’ve heard performed live: Human-Christina Perri

44. Something you’d give ANYTHING to hear performed live: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

45. A song by a band/artist from your town/state/province: Perfect for You-Rachel Platten

46. A song made suddenly precious because of a special someone: I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For-U2 (my mom)

47. A song made suddenly painful because of someone special: Ain’t It Fun-Paramore

48. A song that demands lip synching and a makeshift microphone: We Will Rock You-Queen

49. A song from a band/artist you met/know: None

50. A song that you would rock at karaoke: Me and My Broken Heart-Rixton

51. A song that you can’t help but dance to: Havana-Camila Cabello

52. A song that makes you want to dance on a table: Boom Boom Boom Boom-Vengaboys

53. Your 10 song stripper playlist: Relax-Frankie Goes to Hollywood, Get Low-Ying Yang Twins, Pour Some Sugar on Me- Def Leppard, Cherry Pie-Warrant, Worth It-Fifth Harmony, Toxic- Britney Spears, S&M- Rihanna, Milkshake-Kelis, Hot in Herre- Nelly, In da Club- 50 Cent

54. Favorite Disney song: Reflection-Mulan

55. A song that starts with the first letter of your name: My Immortal- Evanescence (I had to)

56. A song from an artist still alive: Identified-Vanessa Hudgens

57. A song from an artist who’s dead: Imagine- John Lennon

58. A song you love by an artist/band you hate: Crazy Train-Ozzy Osbourne

59. A song you love with a color in the title: 99 Red Balloons-Nena

60. A song you love with a number in the title: 1,2 Step-Ciara

61. A song that reminds you of someone you’d rather forget about: Teenage Dream-Katy Perry

62. A song that needs to be played loud: We’re Not Gonna Take It- Twisted Sister

63. A song that makes you think about life: Eleanor Rigby-the Beatles

64. 15 songs that get stuck in your head easily: No

65. A song that you think everyone should listen to: Wavin’ Flag-K’NAAN

66. A song that makes you want to fall in love: All of Me- John Legend

67. A song that makes you think about him/her: Girlfriend-Avril Lavigne

68. A song that you remember from your childhood: Who Let the Dogs Out- Baja Men

69. A song that reminds you of you: I believe I’m contractually obligated to say Stand by You- Rachel Platten

[eldritchsurveys]

o24.

1. A Song you’re ashamed of liking >> LMAO you tried it.

2. Favourite lyrics >> *rolls dice* “Every night, in every pore, the scales that do slither deliver me from... Freeze without an answer, free from all the shame; then I'll hide, ‘cause I'll never... never sleep alone.” (The Mars Volta, The Widow)

3. Favourite band/artist >> *rolls dice* Pearl Jam.

4. Top 5 Favourite songs at this moment >> Hmm... Turbo Killer by Carpenter Brut; Blood in the River by Zeal & Ardor; Exist by Avenged Sevenfold; Fundamentally Loathsome by Marilyn Manson; Rotlaust tre fell by Wardruna.

5. Latest song that made you smile >> I don’t remember the latest one, but a song that makes me smile is Feathers by Coheed and Cambria because I think of the ridiculous ass video.

6. An overrated band >> I don’t know what it means to be overrated.

7. An overrated song >> ---

8. Latest song that made you cry >> Probably that track from Interstellar, Cornfield Chase.

9. Artist/band that saved your life  >> Creed, Pearl Jam, My Chemical Romance, and AFI all had their hand in it, I’m sure.

10. If you could see any band/artist live, who would it be >> I’d love to see Wardruna!

11. What song/album/band/artist always brings back memories for you >> The Dear Hunter, Black Sandy Beaches. I was listening to that when the plane started to descend into Colorado Springs the... last time, I think? Whatever time. But that’s what I always think about, how that felt.

12. saddest song you know >> A sad song I know in general, one that makes me really sad just to hear, is A Perfect Circle’s 3 Libras.

13. Favourite song to sing in the shower >> Blood Red Summer, Coheed and Cambria. Or any of the Doomstar Requiem songs.

14. If you played an instrument in grade school, what was it >> I didn’t, I was a choir nerd since the beginning.

15. What song would you like to have your first dance to at your wedding >> I don’t know.

16. 5 Songs to have sex to >> Fundamentally Loathsome, as fucked up a song as it is, it has such a sensual groove that really hits me in the no-no parts, just sayin. Rev 22:20 by Puscifer. Helvegen by Wardruna is a... I think it’s a dirge, actually, but I guess I like the idea of having sex to strange songs. Leave me alone. I can’t think of any others at the moment, but that’s enough insight into my weird kinks anyway, NEXT.

17. One band you’d have get back together/bring back from the dead >> One more Type O Negative album might have been cool. IDK.

18. You’re forced to listen to only one album for the rest of your life, what album is it >> Hm.

19. A song that gets you through shit >> I Know It’s Gonna Happen Someday, David Bowie. Just... *clutches chest*

20. A song to shut everything out >> I’m thinking like... doom or sludge metal here. But I can’t think of any songs off the top of my head, I just know that particular sound works great for shutting out the world.

21. A song that’s a joke between you and your friends  >> ---

22. A song to jam out to at 4am >> Morte Lumina, Dethklok.

23. A song that punches you in the gut every single time  >> The Ghost of You, My Chemical Romance.

24. A song that calms you down >> Love Boat Captain, Pearl Jam.

25. A song that makes you feel alive  >> There She Goes, My Beautiful World, Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds.

26. If you could get any lyrics tattooed, which would you choose >> Oh man, I couldn’t even begin to choose. Do you know how many lyrics I’d have to choose from?!

27. What band/artist would you get your children addicted to at an early age  >> I mean, I think they can get themselves addicted to whatever band or artist resonated with them.

28. Can you play any instruments, if so, which  >> Nope.

29. If you could be a member of any band for one show, who would it be >> I really don’t know, lmao.

30. CDs or Vinyls  >> Vinyls are fun!

31. 25 songs to play at your funeral  >> 25?! That’s way too many, lmao, just play Death is the Road to Awe and call it a day. Then go get drunk. 

32. What are some song titles that you love >> Most of Fall Out Boy’s, lol.

33. If your life ended today, what song would you choose to represent it >> Nope.

34. Can you give me a 10 song playlist on ____ >> I guess this is for if you use it as an actual ask meme, and the person that sends you this one is supposed to fill in the blank.

35. A heart wrenching song >> Ich Dachte Schön, Selig. For me, anyway.

36. A band/artist you’re proud of >> Janelle Monae!!!

37. A song that has a lot of meaning to you >> Nothing As It Seems, Pearl Jam. That song’s been with me through a lot.

38. A song that reminds you of school >> Prayer, by Disturbed, because that was out when I was in high school and I used to watch the video on the school computers all the time. Also, I drew like 16-inch-tall chibi versions of the band from a screencap of the video, and I laminated the David Draiman one and would just carry it around school with me all the time. So, you know, there’s that.

39. A song not sung in your native language >> Percées de Lumière, Alcest.

40. An instrumental song >> The Final Fantasy Prelude song is the first thing that came to mind. :p

41. A classical song >> Elegy, Adam Hurst...? What counts as classical, does it have to be old?

42. A song with no percussion >> Guaranteed, Eddie Vedder.

43. Something you’ve heard performed live >> For the Love of God, Steve Vai. Amazing.

44. Something you’d give ANYTHING to hear performed live >> No Leaf Clover, Metallica.

45. A song from a band/artist that’s from your town/city/state/province  >> Uh, I think Anthony Kiedis lived in Grand Rapids at some point and I don’t feel like looking up bands who are from GR and hoping I know at least one of them, so I’m just going to go with this. Otherside, by Red Hot Chili Peppers.

46. A song made suddenly precious because of a special someone >> May It Be, Enya (for Can Calah).

47. A song made suddenly painful because of someone special >> I can’t think of any.

48. A song that demands lip syncing and a makeshift microphone >> Oh man! So many! But I’ll go with The Emperor’s New Clothes, Panic at the Disco.

49. A song from a band/artist you met/know >> H.O.R.S., Mother. (They’re from NYC. Click through to hear it on YouTube.)

50. A song that you would rock at karaoke  >> No One Knows, Queens of the Stone Age. I cheated on this one, because I have rocked this at karaoke.

51. A song you can’t help but dance to >> Big Freedia’s Empire State remix.

52. A song that makes you want to dance on a table  >> The Lost Art of Keeping a Secret, Queens of the Stone Age.

53. Your 10 song striper playlist >> Oh man, I don’t know if I have 10 songs for this! I’ll have to make a stripper playlist one day and come back to this.

54. Favourite Disney song  >> Hellfire, obviously. It’s me, after all.

55. A song that starts with the first letter of your name >> Lady Grinning Soul, David Bowie.

56. A song from an artist still alive  >> Younger, Seinabo Sey.

57. A song from an artist who’s dead >> Lazarus, David Bowie.

58. A song you love by an artist/band you hate  >> Meh.

59. A song you love with a colour in the title >> Orange Crush, R.E.M.

60. A song you love with a number in the title >> One, Creed.

61. A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about >> Meh.

62. A song that needs to be played LOUD >> Skeksis, Strapping Young Lad.

63. A song that makes you think about life >> These Things, Fuel.

64. 15 Songs that get suck in your head easily  >> Oh no. Here is A song that gets stuck in my head easily: Terra Novum, by Michael Curran, which is the Sid Meier’s Civilization V: Brave New World theme. It gets stuck in my head all the time because one of my tags on my main blog is a lyric from it.

65. A song that you think everyone should listen to  >> Uh.

66. A song that makes you want to fall in love >> LMAO I’m not sure?

67. A song that makes you think about ‘him/her’ >> I don’t know who the ‘him/her’ is supposed to be here... like an SO? Ok then... Noll, kent; Someone New, Joywave; Work Song, Hozier. One for each.

68. A song that you remember from your childhood >> All Coming Back to Me Now, Celine Dion. My JAM.

69. A song that reminds you of you >> Gravity, by Steven Price, for the movie of the same name.

70. Okay what’s the real answer to number 1 >> I AM NOT ASHAMED OF THE THINGS I LOVE. GOT IT?

[saint-hildegard-of-bingen]

Warning: This post contains spoilers for Outlander Season 3, Episode 8, "The First Wife."

My heart is pounding. This has probably been one of the most satisfying, rich episodes of Outlander so far this season: We see just how much conflict Jamie and Claire's separation and pasts can create, we return to Lallybroch (JENNY! IAN!), and witness some very dangerous developments. Things just aren't going to be the same again after this episode.

Here are all my thoughts and feelings about "The First Wife."

1. Claire's face is almost as radiant when she looks at Lallybroch as it is when she looks at Jamie. ALMOST. Meanwhile, Young Ian looks like he's pooped his pants. Well, that will happen when you run away from home and lie to your parents about it. They thought you were missing, for crying out loud. Maybe even dead.

2. "Never thought I'd see you grace my front step again." JENNY! I missed you, dear, sweet, fierce, terrifying Jenny. But Ian seems rather more grim than he did last time we saw him. What's he thinking? That he's angry at his son? Angry at Jamie and Claire? Or all three?

3. "There was a wee fire at the print shop." Jamie, Jamie. Ever the master of understatement.

4. Wow, it seems like there are 19 children living at Lallybroch. Those Frasers: They're like bunny rabbits.

5. I wonder why Jamie and Claire don't tell Jenny about the stones. Honestly, out of all the other characters, she's the most likely to be able to process it. Plus, she's too suspicious and wily to believe Jamie's lie about where Claire's been for 20 years. She's right: This is a couple that would do anything to find each other. That's literally what this whole TV show is about. Jamie's excuse for keeping Jenny in the dark—that she's not a woman of the world and has never left the farm—doesn't seem to be enough of a reason not to try. Or does it? Would I believe a wild story about time travel? I don't know...probably. Outlanderhas befuddled my brain.

6. Okay, that sea swim looked absolutely brutal, but seeing a wet Jamie Fraser at the end of it was worth it, I'm sorry.

7. Claire pretending that birdsong is actually Jamie talking to her is the saddest, sweetest, most romantic thing. Also totally bonkers.

8. "DADDY"??????? LAOGHAIRE?????????????? Who is that tiny adorable child and why is Jamie Fraser her daddy? And I am truly unhappy to see Ol' Meanie Laoghaire back. How dare she call Claire a SASSENACH WITCH. Only Jamie is allowed to do that. Anyway, Scottish Cruella has definitely become more poisonous with age. Why is she so deeply unpleasant? Jamie, the fact that you're married to her is a bad secret to have kept from Claire. A very, very, very, very bad secret.

9. "There are other red-headed men in Scotland, Claire." Well, that's news to me.

10. I get that Claire has had a horrible shock, and Jamie definitely screwed up by keeping such a huge secret from her. But she should know far better than to confuse "marrying" for "being in love with." Especially if Lady Sour Patch Laoghaire is involved. Truly, marrying a young widow who has two children is such a Jamie Fraser thing to do. Not that Jamie should get off lightly. He deserves to be in the doghouse for this.

11. "Left you? You forced me to go back. I would have died gladly at Culloden with you." Give Caitriona Balfe's tears an Emmy.

12. I LOVE THIS FIGHT. It has been brewing between Jamie and Claire for a long time now. They still have so much pent up inside them after 20 years apart that it was always going to boil over. And it's SO SATISFYING. Upturning furniture and kicking tables and crying and slapping and everything. Give this fight an Emmy. And of course it's going to turn into sexy sexy sex. God I love this show.

13. OMG and here's Jenny coming in like a high-school principal with the cold water jug. I think I'm in love.

14. Jenny is no dimwit. Whatever the opposite of "dimwit" is, that's her. She knows Claire hasn't been in the colonies for 20 years. Alright, so it's pretty harsh that she orchestrated the whole Laoghaire–Claire situation. But she knew she wasn't going to get answers any other way.

15. "Family writes letters." This made me giggle. I don't think there's a postal service between the future and the past, Jenny, my dove.

16. Well, Claire was right. Jenny really is in no mind to trust Claire again until she knows the whole truth. Just tell her already!

17. "If there's a pot of shite on to boil, you stir like it's God's work." IAN, YOU CHEEKY SOB. There's something to what he's saying, though. Jamie and Claire have enough issues without Jenny interfering.

18. "Canna take back those 20 years." The way Outlander's showing the fallout from their long separation is super realistic. This is no fairytale reunion: They've both had long, rich, complicated, difficult lives since they parted, and it's made them into who they are now. They're going to have to come to terms with that, and it's going to take...possibly another 20 years. That chemistry though.

[butheresthething]

Sometimes Life Chooses For Us

“Wyatt Earp wanted to be a farmer. 30 seconds in the OK Corral, and a gunslinger he was made. Sometimes, life chooses for us.” This line from the Wynonna Earp pilot, said by Doc to Wynonna, came roaring back to me this week because replace a few details about farming and the OK Corral and it might as well have been said about Wynonna. In those 24 words, Doc previewed one of the central themes of the series, the tension between fate and choice. Realizing that we don’t have as much choice as we thought and doing the best we can to navigate the decisions life forces on us. It’s a theme this entire season, really the entire series, has explored in different ways. We’ve seen Wynonna, much like her great great grandfather, thrust into a role she never asked for having to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders even if she can barely manage the weight of her own demons. But the other thing this show is about is what it actually means for her to be forced into the role of hero. Everything has consequences, this isn’t John Wayne riding off into the sunset unscathed at the end of the movie. Being the heir shapes who Wynonna is and she pays a price for every decision she is forced to make and every consequence of the curse that is beyond her control.

Episode 10, I See A Darkness, brought a lot of that back into focus. In quiet moments in between the rush to save Nicole, in subtle emotional beats played beautifully, as usual, by Melanie Scrofano, and ultimately in the crushing moment where Wynonna realizes that Waverly didn’t wait, we see the pressure that comes with being heir, whether it be the moral ambiguity she has to embrace to do what needs to be done or the weight of the endless onslaught of being the only one who can do it. Episode 10 reminds us that nothing about being the heir is fair or easy.

Wynonna has always had a darkness to her and an affinity for the violence that surrounds her. It’s a darkness that predates becoming the heir, but almost certainly has its origins in that fateful night when the seven took Willa and Wynonna shot Ward. But what’s relevant here less where it came from and more how she uses it. Throughout the series, we’ve seen Wynonna channel her rage and anger into a laser focused determination that can often be quite ruthless. In 2x10 this was on full display when she threatens Rosita and forces her to be the test subject for Jeremy’s anti-venom. Whether she actually had to threaten Rosita or not (she didn’t) is not really the point. There was no way for her to know that for sure. They needed a test subject strong enough withstand the cure and didn’t have a lot of time to find one. As disgusted as he was, even Jeremy acknowledged that there weren’t a whole lot of other options. And the thing is the people who surround Wynonna have the expectation that she will do what they can’t regardless of how difficult or emotionally taxing. No one is asking Jeremy to choose between possibly letting Nicole die or forcing Rosita to endure painful testing. Yes, he is the one who has to do the testing, and that’s not nothing, but he gets the luxury of not ultimately being the one responsible for the decision. Wynonna carries that burden. In another example from 2x10 Nicole asks Wynonna to end her life if things get bad. In truth, I loved seeing that moment of trust between Nicole and Wynonna, but it’s an incredibly difficult thing to ask Wynonna to do. Not only is Nicole asking Wynona to accept the emotional cost of ending the life of a friend, but she’s asking it as the only person Waverly loves as much as Wynonna. She’s asking Wynonna to bear the brunt of Waverly’s anger and grief because she’s the only one who can. That is what it means to be the special one, the one people depend on. Wynonna doesn't get to decide something is too hard, unfair or distasteful. With the fitting, but brief, exception of Doc in the season two premiere, there is no one who can take a turn shouldering the burdens of the heir. It’s practically written into the curse because she’s the only one who can even use Peacemaker. So Wynonna does the best she can with the hand she was dealt. She endures the cost of digging into her darker instincts to help her compartmentalize and push away emotional distractions until the crisis is averted.

I sometimes wonder if Wynonna’s darkness doesn’t scare Waverly a little. Whatever Waverly’s darkness is that keeps getting alluded to, we haven’t really seen it yet (Gooverly doesn’t count) and it’s one of the most striking contrasts between the sisters. I remember first noticing it in episode six of season one when Waverly and Wynonna are in the diner looking at the picture of the seven. Waverly says she hates the picture and is repulsed by it. But Wynonna says that she loves it because it reminds her why she’s needed. She is feeding off of all the ugliness it makes her feel to give her purpose and drive her forward. We see the contrast again in season 2 when Wynonna and Waverly are talking about finding everything that got into the ghost river triangle and killing it at the end of episode one. Waverly’s response is a simple, “sounds messy,” while Wynonna, with a hint of determination and swagger, says “braving the winter while hunting demons in an endless cycle of violence? Sounds fun” (I am also aware that this is a nod to the audience about to join Wynonna on this ride). Again one leans into the darkness the other is repulsed by it. To be sure, Waverly does her own compartmentalizing, but instead of ruthlessness or anger, usually when she does it she redirects her focus to helping others or making them feel better (For example I think her “that’s what she said” joke after getting her hand chopped off was as much to make Wynonna feel better as it was anything else). Perhaps most relevant to episode 10, Wynonna also says in the premiere that her only job is to keep her baby sister safe. Not even to protect her, which could more reasonably be interpreted by Waverly to include prioritizing Nicole. As with the seven Wynonna is zeroing in on a simple and single minded purpose to propel her to action. It’s easy to believe that Waverly wouldn’t fully trust Wynonna to use the Seals at least at leverage if all other options failed or there was no time left. We’ll never know for sure what Wynonna would have actually done. I personally think since she gave Peacemaker to Willa in season one to save Nicole, she would have made a similar decision if she had to in this situation, but I can understand Waverly not being willing to bet Nicole’s life on that.

There is no right way for Wynonna to navigate being the heir or to handle the extraordinary circumstances she finds herself in. She’s making the most of the tools she has. If using her rage and anger keeps her from getting pulled under then that’s what she needs to do. There is no judgment there. But but that doesn’t mean there are no consequences either. In interviews about 2x05 Melanie said a few times that in a way Goononna was who Wynonna might have been if not for the curse (you know, minus the evil and the rat smoothies). If not for the curse she would have had that lightness and fun about her that Goononna did. The tragedy of Goononna was getting a glimpse of what an unburdened Wynonna could have looked like. We’ve also certainly seen Wynonna reach her breaking point before, sometimes in healthy ways like leaning on Waverly for support at the end of 2x06 and other times in unhealthy ways, like binge drinking at the beginning of 1x09. But inevitably, before she knows it, the curse will demand more of her and Wynonna will use her strength to push past her own needs and save those she cares about from whatever is threatening them this time.

Through most of 2x10 Wynonna stays solidly in her “do what it takes to fix it “ mode. She doesn’t have time to be sad about her friend or be indecisive about moral ambiguity. But Mel lets us see beyond that, she brings us into the tension between Wynonna’s resolve to do what she needs to do and the wear and tear of doing it. Our first glimpse comes early in the episode in Mercedes’s hospital room where Wynonna talks to Mercedes, but really herself, about all the ways the Widows are kicking their asses. The guilt over what happened to Mercedes that had been there throughout the scene is joined by a look of exhaustion and a little exasperation. We see the losses weighing on her and that the energy it takes just to keep up is physically & emotionally draining.  But before she can even take a breath she hears Waverly’s screams for help in the other room and the moment is over. We see that weight again in the already discussed interactions with Rosita & Nicole. It’s most clear with Nicole when Wynonna, realizing what Nicole is about to ask her, says “Nicole, please don’t ask me to do this,” and then the note of resignation on Mel’s face as she makes the promise to honor Nicole’s wishes. It was heartbreaking to watch Nicole plead with Wynonna to end her life, but it was equally difficult seeing Wynnona make that promise and accept responsibility for yet another no win situation. Even with Rosita, while her words never give her away, Mel’s face and body language tell a story of someone who doesn’t like what she has to do, who knows exactly how cruel she’s being and takes no pleasure in it. She confirms as much later with Doc when he says “but she sure can feel the pain” and her response is “they all can.” Her line implies that even though most of the revenants are evil and deserve their fate, each act of violence she’s responsible leaves a mark on her as well. Whether it was her choice to be the heir or not, she is responsible for the consequences of her actions, including the toll a life of violence takes on her own spirit.

All of this makes that final blow with Waverly that much more tragic and heartbreaking. Perhaps the saddest moment in the whole episode is Wynonna practically skipping down the hospital hall with the cure for Nicole. She thinks she finally has an unequivocal win. She beat Faux-cedes without having to give up the seal, no one died in the process, and she was able to keep her promise to her baby sister. But we know what’s coming, we know it’s all about to snatched away from her. Worse than that is it’s Waverly, Wynonna’s tether to the light and the person that keeps her grounded, who snatches it away. That it’s Waverly, of all people, that not only robbed Wynonna of her win, but enabled the curse to once again choose for her is utterly devastating. Remember, Wynonna was trying to take control of the curse and break the seal on her own terms. She thought she could come up with a plan to free herself and her family from the curse forever and without having to play by its rules. But Waverly took that from her. Took her chance to beat fate. I don’t really blame Waverly for what she did and as much as I like to think I’d have kept the faith and trusted Wynonna, I’m pretty sure I would have made the same decision. Waverly chose the certainty of Beth-faced Widow’s cure over the hope that Wynonna would be successful. It may have been the wrong decision, but it’s one I understand. But whether Waverly’s decision was reasonable or not doesn’t make the betrayal Wynonna feels any less potent. It doesn’t change the impact it’s going to have or mitigate the consequences for Wynonna. Wynonna will most certainly find her way to forgiving Waverly despite what Waverly might think. Their bond and need for each other are too strong for her not to. But right now, or at least up until she disappears, Wynonna has been betrayed by another sister (calm down, I’m not trying to suggest there’s actually any equivalence between Waverly and Willa, plus any one who’s talked to me about the show before knows just how much I love Waverly, so don’t @ me on this) and left to deal with the repercussions of the choice life made for her.  

[deactivated4179291]

Star Crossed - Part 1 (H.S AU)

Author’s Note: Hi! This is just an introduction to remind the reader that this is an AU story, so if something seems impossible in our world today (or like a year ago), that is why. This story is set in present time, and our planet is exactly the same, except where the characters live (in the U.S) there are laws that have changed the way they live. This story is based on a set of laws in which couples are paired based on their zodiac signs - and incompatible pairs are ruled out by law.  Also, just one final reminder, none of the things mentioned about any of these characters are necessarily true. This story is obviously 100% fiction, AND this chapter is mostly an introduction and explanation of the world they live in - though this is only in the U.S - all the other countries in the world do not live by these rules in the story. Thank you so much for reading. 

                                                    --------------

Maddie’s POV

    The day that I was born had always determined my entire future. Our world has never made sense to me. You're probably wondering how I can say that, right? The answers pretty simple – our lives are decided for us. A person can only fall into one category – and it is all decided based on the day you enter this world. As a Taurus – my birthday is May 20th - I fell into the population of Earth signs. Straight out of high school graduation, at the age of 18, every young man and woman will receive in the mail, a name that will change their lives forever.

   This name is meant to be their “perfect match.” You see, about 100 years ago, the U.S decided it was time to rid our nation of divorce. In order to do so, they needed a system that would set together two people who were just about perfect for one another. They call it "The Crossing." 

   Now, you’re probably wondering how these perfect couples are paired. There are two different aspects of The Crossing. The first is the “Astrological System.” This system ensures that the two people that are put together are compatible Zodiac signs, and fall under the same category of said signs. It is absolutely illegal for two persons of non-compatible signs to be together in any format that is not considered platonic. This is enforced by a punishment which is not discussed outside the government because no one seems to know exactly what happens. All that is known is that if caught, one of an unmatched pair is taken by officers, and they don’t ever return.

   The second aspect of matching is greatly encouraged, but not required. Any person eligible to be matched has the opportunity to complete a questionnaire type assessment, which is put into a database, and looks for the most similar answers.

   It just does not make any sense to me, though. I am a Taurus, but both my Mother and my little sister, Robin are of the Leo sign, and I love them more than anything. Their both amazing and our signs have never been "discordant" - as the government calls it - as far as I'm concerned.

    Then there's my stepdad. Chuck (pictured below). The irony is that he's a Capricorn - one of my signs "most compatible" other signs, yet I hate that – pardon my language - bastard more than anyone else to walk this earth. The reason why? He's not the man my mother wants to believe he is. She's convinced herself that she loves him, and I can't blame her - he puts on quite the façade, acting like he couldn't hurt a fly. Acting like he loves my sister and me, and Hell, if I didn't know his true colors he could have had me fooled. But I am no fool. I know who he really is beneath the surface of his pale skin.

    The fact that my mother seems to think she's found love again, isn't the reason Chuck and I aren't “compatible.” I am not upset that he tried to replace my father - what kind of daughter would I be to deprive my mother of the happiness she deserved and needed. No, my problem lies within his character, which has proven itself within the countless bruises that adorn MY pale skin. I've received countless blows from him, all because I stepped in front of my little sister the first time he ever showed signs of violence, and because I 'defied' his dominance. I'd do it a million times again if I had to, and I have had to. I'm never going to let the world hurt my sister the way it did me.

   Chuck Blaine just is not, and never will be someone I am capable of trusting. In fact, it is BECAUSE of him that I lack the ability to place my trust in any man, cold hearted or otherwise. Maybe that's why within my stubborn heart I dreading this day so much.

   Since my father was no longer in the picture, my mom was placed back into the crossing system. Specifically, the crossing system for widows and widowers. The way it works is men get their choice at their second wife. As if the first crossing couldn't be bad enough, the second opportunity is even worse. He acts as if he thinks he and my mother are destined for one another, but I know what he was really after. Money.

   My family wasn't rich, but when my father died in his car crash, he left every bit of money he had AND his family inheritance to my mother to support our family. My heart aches as I think of my father. A drunk driver hit him, while he was making a turn, on his way home from work one night. The person driving the other car ran a red light.

   My father was one of the kindest people you could ever meet. The saddest part about losing him was that I remembered little of that night. I was only 9 years old, and it was obviously the hardest thing that I have ever faced in my life, so I guess I must have repressed the memories. So how does a family like mine, that’s been through hell and back end up with a freaking monster?

   Well, when your "partner" has passed away, you are given the opportunity to be paired with someone else, of your choosing from eligible "matches." Divorce is absolutely forbidden, once you're married, but if you don't want to marry your match, you can not be re-matched, regardless. Once you're matched that's it - you don't have to love one another romantically, but every year 5 of the new pairs are assigned to “Populace.” This means they have to have a baby. Though, if you DO love your partner and wish for a family you're allowed to create one on your own. Luckily, my mom wasn’t placed under that duty.

   So, here I am. Sitting on my front porch, swaying back and forth on the squeaky old auburn colored, wooden bench swing, drinking tea from Dad’s old cobalt blue mug, waiting to receive the name that’s going to change my life forever. Yep, that’s right, today is my “big day.” Today’s the day I receive my future in an ugly orange envelope. And it will all start with a simple name, printed onto a sheet of paper. I hear the creaking of the front door and look to my left to see my mom, smiling at me.

 “Today’s the day, huh?” She asks, making her way over to me. She gently sits next to me. I avert my eyes to the mug between both of my palms, watching the steam escape from inside.

  “Today’s the day,” I nod slowly. I crinkle my eyebrows, not knowing exactly how to feel about the situation. To be honest, it isn’t really possible to know how to feel about your crossing until you are holding the results in your hand - maybe not even then.  

    “Hey,” she nudges me gently with her shoulder. I look up into her beautiful blue eyes. Through everything, my mother somehow always managed to have some sort of positive aura about her. I always felt it most when I looked at her eyes. She tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, something she always did when I was trapped in my thoughts before she continues. “I’m sure they’ll be great. You earth signs normally are, I mean, you are my whole world kid,” I let out a weak chuckle. My mom and her cheesy jokes, always trying to lighten the mood.

   “Well, you and Robin,” she says. I smile, nodding. She takes hold of one of my hands, lifting it from the mug, she kisses the Taurus symbol on my wrist, that was forced onto me straight our of graduation as a form of identification.

   She wraps both arms around me and pulls me in for a hug. I close my eyes breathing in her lavender scent. She must have been in her garden, I think to myself. I am going to miss those white roses outside my bedroom window. I open my eyes at the sound of the mail truck skidding to a halt on the street in front of our house. My heart practically stops in my chest, then and there, as I realize that it’s time. I stand up slowly, after placing my mug on the wood floor of the porch, underneath the swing. Tea, like my peace of mind, is going to have to wait.   

    “Madeleine Parker?!” The postman announces. It almost sounds as if he’s looking for the winner of some sort of life-altering raffle. 

   “Uh..here” I mumble, waving once to him. It almost feels like a teacher calling roll at school.

   “Congratulations,” he says with a warm smile, handing me my package.

    “Thank you” - I force a smile and grit my teeth behind it. I say thank you not because he’s so excited for my life to placed under someone else’s jurisdiction, but because it’s the polite thing to do when someone hands you something that belongs to you. No matter how unfortunate it is that it belongs to you.

   “Well?” my mom says. I send her a questioning look, starting to tremble on the inside. “giving me looks is not going to change the fact that the rest of your life is inside that envelope. Take your time, but open it, sweetheart,” she says. She walks up to me, kissing me on the head before turning on her heel, and walking back up the porch steps, and swinging the front door back open. I look back down at the envelope in my hands. I stare at it for a second, observing the earth symbol on the front – signifying that I and my new partner are obviously both earth signs - before slowly flipping it to the seal, and tearing it open slowly with my thumb. I take out the sheet of paper and read every bit of information as fast as I can. 

Partner

-Name: Niall James Horan

-Origin: Ireland – relocation year: 2016

Ireland?...that’s pretty cool I guess. He clearly moved here this year.

-Age: 23

..otherwise, he would have completed the Crossing like 4-5 years ago. Since he wasn’t 18 when he moved here, guess it was his choice.

-Birthday: September 13, 1993

-Sign: Virgo

Contact Information

-Phone Number: ***-***-****

Why are they giving me his phone number? What am I supposed to text this person? “Oh hey Niall, my names Maddie I am the person you’re stuck with till the day we die, wanna grab some coffee?” I scoff before my eyes scroll down further until they reach our “Assignment section.”

Assignment(s)

-Assigned Living: 14527 Rose Hill Drive

Rose Hill Drive?... that’s one of the wealthiest living spaces available to new pairs….oh god. Mom must have thrown some of the inheritance into my funds. Oh god, what if we..

-Assigned to Populace: No

Oh thank god. No offense, Horan but you’re still a complete and total stranger as of right now.

-Career(s)

      Male: Music

      Female: None

Music…interesting. Also, I need to get a job urgently... if we're going to be living in one of the expensive neighborhoods I am going to have to step up.

-Relocation date: 6/1/17

Three Days…I have three days to meet this stranger and move in with them.

Congratulations and best of luck to you Ms. Wilkinson, and Mr. Horan.

Congratulations? Really? How many people are going to say that stupid word to me today?! Is that the best you’ve got?... Whatever. Sighing, I reluctantly walk back up the creaky old porch steps and grab my mug from under the swing before making my way back through the front door, my papers folded under my arm. I walk past the front steps, towards the kitchen, immediately sensing my mother cooking bacon. I place my mug on the island counter, and plop myself down onto one of the barstools with a slight huff, before tossing my packet onto the island as well.

   “Well?” My mom says, peering over her shoulder, a curious look on her face. I pick up the package and read to her everything I read in the front yard. All the while, she cooks breakfast for my sister and I. Luckily, Chuck’s job requires him to get up early in the morning. She puts some bacon on a plate and hands it to me when I get up and add more milk to my tea.

   “He seems…” she pauses for a second, “..interesting.” I can’t help but laugh briefly.

   “You seem pretty calm for a woman who’s daughter just told her she’s about to move into a house with a boy nearly 5 years older than her.” I look at her amusedly.

   “In our world, age is clearly just a number, my dear.”

    I scoff, “Ya until you turn 18, then it’s not your world - it’.”s one place, and one person until the day you die.”

   “Maddie, I know you don’t like it sweetheart, but-“

    “It’s the world we live in, and we can’t change it - yes I know,” I sigh.

    “So have you gotten in contact with this..” she pauses, clearly forgetting his name. I quirk an eyebrow at her, smirking.

   “Niall?” I ask, earning a nod from her, the dopey amused grin never leaves my face as I continue, “and, no I haven’t reached out to him. I wouldn’t even know what to say if I did.”

   “Well, did you look him up on that..instasnap thing you’re always on?” Realizing she’s trying to say Instagram, I try really hard not to laugh at her, but ultimately fail.

   “You mean Instagram?” I snigger, plopping my last piece of bacon in my mouth, chewing it slowly before swallowing it, all while sending my mom an amused look.

   “Ya…That.” She says, embarrassed. She turns back to the stove, flicking the switch off, bringing the pan over to the sink.

   “No, I haven’t but, maybe I will later.” I sigh. Talking to a strange man? As mentioned, clearly not exactly something that appeals to me.

    “Alright, well it’s almost time for Robin’s dance lesson…I think she was looking for her shoes, maybe you could help her?”

   “I’m on it,” I quickly rise from the wooden stool, taking one last sip from my tea mug, and place it in her expecting hand. When she turns and starts scrubbing the dishes I quickly walk around the island, and give her a quick kiss on the cheek, placing my dish in the sink before exiting the kitchen and starting to climb the creaky old steps, making my way towards the second floor. I make my way towards Robin’s door.

   When I reach Robin’s white door, I lift my right arm, and gently brush over the pink flowers with my fingers. Every time they catch my eye - even as I walk to my own room - I remember painting them for her on her 7th birthday after she begged me to. Smiling to myself briefly, I knock on it gently before slowly opening it.

   “Robin?” When I step inside, my heart nearly breaks at the sight of my sister all dressed in her ballet outfit and sitting on her bed crying quietly. Her hands are in her lap, but she quickly raises one to wipe her tear from her eyes before dropping it once more, realizing that I am in her room. She never liked when I saw her cry - she probably learned that from me. I always hated the way people stared at me when I showed emotion. I could always sense them thinking I was the fragile girl who's dad died.

   “Robin? What’s wrong?” I ask, worried, rushing over and kneeling in front of my sister. I grab both her hands and look up at her, my thumb gently brushing over both of her small hands, that are damp from trying to fight her tears. The first thing I notice is her eyes. Her bright blue eyes that she got from our mom – full of sadness, her cheeks tinted red from crying. I swear, their eyes looked like the ocean. Hearing her sniffle practically breaks my heart into two severed pieces.

   “What’s wrong little bird?” I ask with a frown forming on my face. She smiles slightly at the nickname I gave her so many years ago. When she finally speaks, she gets choked up at her words.

   “Everyone always leaves me..” she mumbles, fresh tears forming in her eyes.

    “Robin..” I gasp slightly, taken aback by her words.She wraps her arms around me and cries into my neck, her sobs echoing through the small pink bedroom my mom and I decorated when I was just 10 years old after we found out Robin was a girl. When my dad was killed in the accident, my mom didn’t even know she was expecting. She found out three months later.

   “Don’t cry little bird,” I whisper.

   “But you’re gonna’ leave, to live with that Irish boy I heard you talking about…” Typical Robin, always sneaking about catching my conversations with mom. “and-and I’m not gonna see you anymore, a-and step-dad - h-he’s gonna-” 

   “Hey!” I quietly exclaim, gently grabbing her sides, pushing her back slightly so she’s looking me in the eyes. “I would never let anything bad happen to you, would I?” I quirk a brow at her. She looks down shaking her head, where her amber brown hair is pulled into a tight bun, with some fly away hairs near her face. I reach out and tuck them behind her right ear.

   “You can’t get rid of me that easily little bird,” I shake my head smiling. She pulls me in for another hug, her tear stained cheek brushing against my shoulder. Her sobbing quiets down eventually, as I rub her back soothingly.

   “I’ll-I’ll still be your best friend right?” She whispers, her voice laced with hope. Even at the age of 9, she was just as sensitive as I am.

   “Of course you will,” I say chuckling at her, “Now wipe those tears, we have pesky little ballet shoes to find,” I say, earning a giggle from her in the process cupping both of her cheeks in my hands and wiping the wiping the rest of her tears – something my mom once did on a night when I cried, missing my dad. My mom was the one who always enforced strength - crying was a weakness to her most of the time. Though I suffered whenever I'd mention my longing to see my father again, or to get to say goodbye to him, she'd shut me out. It was gut-wrenching but ultimately made my skin thicker, maybe even tougher.  It made that night she comforted me incredibly easy to remember, but the thought still sends a sad pang to my heart. I swallow the lump in my throat as Robin backs out of our hug, taking one of my hands, we start to look for her shoes.

   Once Robin and my mom had left I decided to take a long shower to try and ease the stress weighing on my mind. I stepped into the en suite bathroom connected to my bedroom. I flicked on the lights, before removing my sweats, and gray v-neck T-shirt, switching on the water to the shower and folding the clothes neatly. I placed them on top of the closed toilet seat, and draw back the old blue shower curtain, stepping into the bathtub, where the shower water circles the drain.

   I let my lungs consume the steam, breathing it in as I run my fingers gently through my messy dirty blonde hair, that’s been ruffled by my sleep. I got my hair color from none other than..you guessed it, my father. My mom loved to tell me I had his eyes too –that  I was gifted with his blue-green irises, though my eyes actually changed color every now and then. Some days I would look in the mirror and see my dad’s eyes staring back at me, and others my mom’s beautiful blue orbs would surprise me in the morning. There was even an occasion in which my eyes would look almost gray.

   Grabbing my shampoo, I squirt some out into my hand, then place it back on the white marble ledge of my bathtub. After scrubbing the suds of argon oil shampoo through my hair, which had practically grown past my breasts by now, I then do the same with my conditioner, before tying my hair into a bun. Something I have been doing since I learned you’re supposed to let the conditioner sit for a minute or two. Imagine how dumb I felt for not knowing that little fact. I then scrubbed my body clean of sleep as well, and wash my face before rinsing my conditioner, and then wrapping my gray towel around my body.

   I step out of the shower slowly and take in my surroundings for one of the last times that I’ll be able to. Or at least the last time I will be a resident in this house. I always enjoyed my bathroom because it was simple, but it had an almost secret beauty to it. Flicking the lights back off, I walk back into my bedroom, grabbing the clothes I previously folded and throwing them back on. It’s not like I’m going anywhere today. I try to shake away the thoughts of how much I will miss this place- my home, grabbing my iPhone from the nightstand, letting out a puff of air, I collapse on top of my bed.

   I think back to my conversation with Robin. Robin’s always been the kind of young girl that thinks there is good in everyone. That is probably the biggest difference between us. She truly has the purest, kindest little heart I have ever seen in all my days on this earth. It’s no surprise that someone as innocent as she would want to believe there’s good in this messed up world. I see so much of my father’s spirit inside her. What troubles me is how scared she is of those who have proven not to have a nice bone in their body- i.e Chuck. Chuck. Just the thought of that disgusting man’s name sends bile to my mouth, so much so that I almost gag.

   I pull up Instagram typing the name Niall Horan in the search bar, before hitting the search button. I click on the users that pop up until I think I have found the Niall Horan I am looking for – when the bio reads Mullingar Ireland, 23. I request to follow the account before tossing my phone back on my bed. Just when it hits my duvet, though, my screen lights up with a number I don’t recognize.

Messages (2)

- Found my Instagram, eh?

-Oh, btw this is Niall – Niall Horan. I hope you don’t mind – my letter gave me your number, I’ve been meaning to send a message your way all day.

 I chuckle, quite frankly surprised by his kindness. Something about it seems so..genuine. I start typing back quick response-

 Hi Niall, I’m Madeleine….But I am guessing you already knew that. You can just call me Maddie, though. And yes that was me that followed you on Instagram. Sorry I haven’t sent you a message..couldn’t really think of what to say, to be honest.

-That’s alright! I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to meet up at some point maybe tomorrow? We could grab some coffee or something if you want.

Sure, But you should know I am more of a tea kinda girl.

 -Tea it is then! I’ll text you tomorrow so we can work out a time.

Sounds good! Talk to you then.

   I shut off my iPhone, and toss it back down onto my bed before lying down on my back. I just lay there, staring at my ceiling. Well, Niall Horan, it looks like I’ll see you tomorrow. And..every day after that for the rest of my life I guess….

[smallblanketfort]

Tell me a story?

ive been trying to think of one for ages and i suck, so here are some things that happen when you work at a library:

one time someone came up to me and gave me a tomato? idk? also recently we found several opened cans of pineapple? they were full and just scattered around the children’s section?

jenny was helping someone and police appeared, tackled him to the ground, arrested him, and left, without a word

a little tiny boy asked me for chapter books about dinosaurs and when i gave him a stack, he literally fell to his knees and wailed “yeeeeeesss!!!!!”

the saddest part of working at a library is getting a tiny peak into someone’s life and mind. it breaks my heart when someone returns a stack of books about cancer or bpd. the worst was when there were about 7 books about “dealing with grief as a young widow”

there;s a pudgy boy with dark curly hair who ranted to me about adventure time, so i watched it to honor him and found my favorite show

a girl gave me a little illustrated book she had written about “destroying trolls” did you know they only eat boys with short hair

every tuesday during the summer we have a read to a dog event, and one therapy dog is enormous and black and i love him so much

once a youth services librarian brought her black poodle to work bc he was having anxiety and it was lovely

we had a wasp invasion once and so we were all stalking around the library with pans and raid, ready to kill the mofos in the children’s section

there’s this woman who always fights me on my age, that i can’t possibly be over 16. plot twist i;m 21 but she refuses to let it go

one time this man came up to me and asked what my major was. after i said “english” he went on a sermon about how i should go to school for ac repair bc then i’d actually have a job (even tho.. i have a job?)

there was this man named larry who i became good friends with. he helped me get a scholarship, but then he got cancer and moved to georgia and he refused to say goodbye i hope he’s okay :(

along those lines, i only see certain patrons when they’re in town for chemo. when i see them, i’m so happy they’re still alive, but so sad that they’re still in treatment. i worry when i haven’t seen one for awhile bc i don’t know if they’re in remission or… not

this man came up to me and asked if i could help him find a cd. he couldnt remember the lyrics, or the name, so he hummed to me

the librarian who brought her poodle had to move to louisiana or something, to the town where duck dynasty is? apparently to get a librarian job there, you dont even need a high school diploma. you need a masters here :/

people always go wide eyed and tell me how smart i am that i can answer their question, and i cant figure out if they know that google exists or not

my favorite event of the year is the lit and art magazine reading. we do it in a museum and an author/comic artist comes and lectures, and then we have a poetry slam, and it makes me so happy

last summer we found envelopes of photographs from the early 1900′s, of teenagers riding horses and hugging, and they’re the cutest!

sometimes i get to hang out with authors for a weekend. my favorites were a.s. king and andrew smith. we sat in the office and a restaurant and i got to just pick their brains. i love them. 

this woman once would not stop arguing that “graphic novels” should never be placed in children’s sections. she would not believe me that it was “graphic” as in “graphic design” rather than “graphic language”. her son was just standing there, so i made a stack of quality comics, glared at his mom, and set them in his hands. made sure he left with them. 

there’s this meme in the library world called the blue book. legend has it that someone came into a library once and said “i’m looking for a book. i dont remember what it was called, but it was blue, can you find it for me?”

a family periodically brings us cookies with little kid drawings it is v nice

sometimes people will pay for fines by mail. we’ve gotten envelopes from turkey and japan and such, filled with coins. but we love when they dont include a name or a library card number bc we dont know whose fines to clear.

during the summer, a montessori school brings their classes, and i always end up playing games with this group of little boys. i love them so much

recently i left the back door open bc it was warm and breezy out. this random man walked through the back door, up to my manager’s closed office door, and knocked. she opened it and he was like “i walked in through your back door lol” and when she told him to leave through the front, he did. he apparently didn’t come in for the library? it’s bc of him we cant have nice things smh

one morning my coworker went out to smoke and found a raccoon stuck in the dumpster. he spent literally 3 hours building a ladder for him and luring him out with cheetos

robyn found a cell phone once and set it on her desk so she could find who it belonged to. the ownder started texting the phone that he was going to bring his gun and kill the motherfucker that stole his phone. he was very sweet and apologetic when he realized he had left it at a public library

once we found a turtle in a garbage can and we adopted him. his name is yertle. sadly tho he got too big and a teacher who always came in adopted him to be a classroom pet i hope he’s having a good day

basically, i really adore where i work. i work with an incredible and badass group of women and men who really care about words, the world, and art. we preserve free speech and strive to create a safe place for everyone, and it gives me a lot of hope and inspiration. we laugh a lot. anyone who says that libraries are dying clearly are not using libraries. public libraries are thriving and essential. do not forget this.

ok i’ll leave it there. but i really love working in libraries. it’s always weird and wonderful.

[silnaniewinna]

I was tagged/Thank you @lithialetheia

25 Q/A Personality Tag RULES: Tag people you want to get to know better.            

1. Are you introverted or extroverted? Introverted. I talk more when I am surrounded by people I know better.

2. Are you ruled by emotions or logic? By logic. I am very rarely ruled by emotions. So... don’t pissed my of. You don’t want to see me ruled by emotions don’t you?

3. What is your happiest memory? When I went to the first Holy Communion. I looked so beautiful in the white dress and we were all singing when we were entered the church.

4. What is your saddest memory? When my father died. My heart just broke that day.

5. In what kind of world would you rather live in? In a world where fantasy creatures lives like dragons, fairies, vampiresXD. In a world where sun always shines and there is a lot of trees -  maybe  a huge forest or a jungle (but jungle without spiders, snakes, scorpions and all ot that) and on the end of the forest there will be a huge beach and crystal sea. (Yeah you  can dreamXD). At the night I will sit on the beach with Regis and Dettlaff and watch the moon.

6. What is your favorite video game? The Witcher series, Syberia (Third game here I come!), Sherlock Holmes games, Dragon Age(but only the first game) itp.

7. What is your biggest fear for yourself? Not be able to move on from some things, not finding a place for yourself in this life.

8. What is your biggest wish for yourself? Someday to  find a man who will understands me and loves me for who I am.

9. What fictional character do you relate to the most? To Yennefer and Geralt. I understand what it feels like to be misunderstood for who you are.

10. If you could become anything, without any education or demands, what would you choose as your profession? To be an archaeologist or oceanographer or singer.

11. Do you have any siblings? No I don’t have.

12. Have you ever wanted to injure someone? Yes, some people deserve it! But I never do it so don’t worryXD

13. Have you ever wanted to help someone, but didn’t? Yes, but I thought it will be better if I don’t say anything. That person defended herself but still I was not happy about myself that I didn’t said anything! I have to work on my confidence more. My shyness sometimes get’s in a way.

14. What makes you angry? Intolerance, people judging others based on shallow things, wars that some people started all over the world, people who are cruel to animals itp..

15. What makes you happy? Listening music, singing, reading good books, playing video games, playing with my cat itp.

16. Would you rather beat up a small child once - or get beaten up by an angry man every single day for the rest of your life? I would never hit a child so I rather choose be beaten and then later beat that guy for what he did to me.

17. What places would you visit today if you could? Australia, Greece, Rome, Canada. Jerusalem

18. Do you want children? Why? If not, why not? Yes I would love to have kids but I’m really terrified of giving birth so I don’t know if I will have  children but maybe who knows?

19. Did you have a happy childhood? Yes I do to some point. When my father died when I was 10 years old I mature more and stop being a little child. There was a time when I was bullied at school, become depressed and all of that. I overcome that but nothing was the same anymore.

20. Have you ever done drugs? If you have, would you do it again? No, I have  never done drugs.

21. Would you rather become a child again, possessing all the knowledge you have today, or become middle-aged, with 45 000 000 € on your bank account? Become middle-aged with 45 000 000 € on my account becouse seriously why not? I will buy myself a lot of things.

22. If you could become any existing famous person in the world - who would you be and why? Emma Watson for example? She really build a live for herself after playing in Harry Potter films! Of course she was studied in acting before that but being chosen one of the thousands of kids? That’s something!

23. Are your parents married or divorced? My mother is widow.

24. Where do you see yourself in the future? Have a job that I can live on nice level, have a husband and maybe? kids, have two cats ( I love cats!) and have a quiet life. Maybe go on some trips to Greece, Rome and other interesting places.

25. If you’d like, a question of your own here. Mine is directed to my fellow Witcher lovers; Who and Why?

For friendly purposes, Regis or Cirilla? Regis will be a great friend. He is like a walking encyclopedia. You can learn a lot of things from him. He will show you a lot of empathy and be very loyal to you. On top of that he is a vampire and I would love to have a vampire friend.

For romantic purposes, Dettlaff or  Avallac’h? Dettlaff  is handsome, loyal, seems he has a good heart. He is too impulsive but I think he can work on being more logical than act on impulse. Avallac’h he is interesting person but  too sneaky, I don’t trust him.

As your co-worker, Caranthir or Geralt? Geralt will be great co-worker. He is intelligent and hard-working, I can see him comment others in a sarcastic way. We will have a great time.

As your boss, Eredin or Ge’els? Ge’els is interesting person. He supposed to be the most dangerous Aen Elle but he doesn’t use brute force more his mind to deal with problems. Eredin he is scary and violent. I would not want him near me that’s for sure.

As your best friend, Yennefer or Shani? I like Shani bu my love is Yennefer! Yennefer she will give me wise advices, can stand behind my back when I will need that and I can learn from her how to be indepedent, strong women who can deal with whatever is on her way.

As your ally, Vernon Roche or Anna Henrietta? It’s hard for me to choose becouse I don’t see them as allies that I will be sure of but I thing Roche is better. He is very good soldier with a lot of  determination. . He helped Geralt many times but I have one problem with him. He said that he’s only ideal is Temeria and for that he will sacrfice everything. So If I will stand between him and Temeria he will choose Temeria probably. On the other hand Anna Henrietta - no she annoys me. She can change her mind every minute and will do things that only suit her way. I was dissapointed how she behaved after finding Syanna. I understand she was her sister but she was a ruler and should think as such.

As your worst enemy, Triss or Dandelion? Dandelion becouse he will not do me a single thing. I am not afraid of him.XD

I tag: @pommeverte3, @mistress-light, @gwynedds, @allaboutthewitcher, @yennefer-fan, @riviia, @stillectric , @lilasegroselha and anybody who wants to do it. Of course you don’t have to:)

[libidomechanica]

Untitled (“So much time comes to brings”)

So much time comes to brings shadow of  whose extended majesty, and  thou kenst, the god of saddest 

when Fortune stop my shackles,  thy Mind. Can taken in the  feast, and let me down where record 

somewhat merit at him— Hysteries as swell, rich in “Will,”  add to the sentience grace; and 

the King girdled by the  golden thence and good? My head, that  so swept strength, or to be 

so, as Socrates the quaking asswage.  I speak of love no more, and, heavens  Decree; which words she wakened, a 

rosy sanction! Not one, that  all that all… thus far around thee  conversation, Thorny fruit, flowers the 

planet ruld, he tools; but thou would never  flower bloom, whose forces. nor broken lily  lies— there is to some slight by a 

world, the monsters of every  act stood, so saddest when  I can not and Patrons careful fingers 

the leand again. An I  shall ever a March, as he liv ing in rich and faith ascend, no True Successfull 

Youth, Beauties, but a purposed  with virgins hands claspd it; of  the few thin like unimprisoned 

cry I see yourselfs declines from High,  is not, consume us day by day,  to the War, but to make 

so much, and in handwriting, endless  wind. And twinkle on the  ground crack your vision fall, or a “

Ha! Die when you wrong: only  multitude concentration, ‘ The sun smiled; that pass my mouth, thy 

prove; unless that lid, full-sloping like my  hands. Then the gulf of death, I am  not for though discussion of 

nations stand, but Sanhedrin shade of  bloody crusades, knew, as far as  widowed sky, seem like, and by learned their 

throng I cannot flie away his  living clearly, hears have hardly mixt, and  scream bores me, as the quaking in 

their sister me. Of things. The night  of wit: restlesse flames, my Fear:’ though ever  by thy part of those lines on bounteous 

ripple of the wreath soothe height: good,  is for you care and with  them nor priority, and 

within the that day, in  every part, where are  the fat pillowing, the makes.”

[christianlivingtoday-blog]

Church Planting and the Jerusalem Church

There were two churches worth taking note of in the New Testament, the Jerusalem Church and the Antioch Church.

Ten Things Everyone Should Know about the Jerusalem Church

1. The Jerusalem Church was the first church.

2. The important people were based in the Jerusalem Church. Even the apostles were based in this church.

3. They were the church that had first hand instructions from Jesus to go into the entire world.

4. They were a very prosperous and flourishing church.

Neither was there ANY AMONG THEM THAT LACKED: for as many as were possessors of lands or houses sold them, and brought the prices of the things that were sold, And laid them down at the apostles' feet: and distribution was made unto every man according as he had need.

Acts 4:34-35

5. There was great growth in the church.

Then they that gladly received his word were baptized: and the same day there were ADDED UNTO THEM ABOUT THREE THOUSAND SOULS.

Acts 2:41

6. There was great unity in the church.

And all that believed WERE TOGETHER, and had all things common;

Acts 2:44

7. God gave them victory over every problem and difficulty they encountered. For example, Peter and John were released from the custody of the chief priest and elders. They miraculously escaped from jail by angelic intervention.

Then the high priest rose up, and…laid their hands on the apostles, and put them in the common prison. But the angel of the Lord by night opened the prison doors, and brought them forth…

Acts 5:17-19

8. The power of God was greatly manifested in the church. In the book of Acts, people who lied to the pastors died instantly.

But Peter said, Ananias, why hath Satan filled thine heart to lie to the Holy Ghost… Ananias hearing these words FELL DOWN, AND GAVE UP THE GHOST: and great fear came on all them that heard these things.

Acts 5:3, 5

9. Unlike many churches today, they cared for the poor.

…and distribution was made unto EVERY MAN ACCORDING AS HE HAD NEED.

Acts 4:35

10. But they did not obey the instruction of church planting until catastrophe struck.

…at that time there was a GREAT PERSECUTION against the church which was at Jerusalem; and they were all SCATTERED ABROAD throughout the regions of Judaea and Samaria, except the apostles.

Acts 8:1

Perhaps all their good characteristics clouded out the reality that they were a disobedient church. When one of the most promising young pastors, probably tipped to be Peter's successor, died suddenly, they sat up.

What a blow this must have been to the Jerusalem church! Everything was going perfectly until this happened. Every problem had so far worked together for good. Somehow every challenge had been overcome by the power of God until this one. Suddenly they had a dead pastor on their hands.

And they stoned Stephen calling upon God…

Acts 7:59

This marked a turning point in the life of the Jerusalem Church. While the church was reeling under this blow, the secular world stepped up their persecution.

…And at that time, there was A GREAT PERSECUTION against the church that was at Jerusalem …

Acts 8:1

It was this persecution that made the church finally obey God. It is easy to be deceived by peace and apparent success. After all Bible said, “…when they say peace, peace, then sudden destruction will come upon them”… (1 Thessalonians 5:3).

We are not to be led by circumstances or apparent prosperity. These are not indicators of God's blessing. If peace and prosperity were the hallmarks of God's blessing then the Apostle Paul was the greatest sinner because he suffered so much.

Notice how many problems he had in his ministry.

Are they ministers of Christ? (I speak as a fool) I am more; in labours more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequent, in deaths oft. Of the Jews five times received I forty stripes save one. Thrice was I beaten with rods, once was I stoned, thrice I suffered shipwreck, a night and a day I have been in the deep; In journeyings often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils by mine own countrymen, in perils by the heathen, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; In weariness and painfulness, in watchings often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness.

2 Corinthians 11:23-27

Notice Paul's philosophy of life. It is only through tribulation that we will enter the kingdom of God.

…WE MUST THROUGH MUCH TRIBULATION ENTER INTO THE KINGDOM OF GOD.

Acts 14:22

Three Funerals

Years ago, I had a terrible experience in my ministry. Within one year, three of my pastors died mysteriously. The first one died on the evening of Friday, 27 October 2000. I had a call from his wife that her husband was ill and in the clinic. Within an hour I had another call on my mobile phone from one of my doctor pastors.

She said, “Bishop, Pastor Charles is dead.”

I said to her, “Do you understand what you are saying?”

I remember exactly where I was when I got this call. I couldn't believe my ears. He was a perfectly normal person. He had even had lunch in my house the day before.

I drove straight to the clinic and there I saw his wife of only seven months in tears, sitting outside the ward. She was scared and did not even know what had happened. As I walked into the room, I saw for the first time, one of my own sons in the ministry, a promising young man, just 27 years old, lying dead on the bed.

That was one of the most pitiful and saddest nights of my life. As I watched his wife weep over her husband's dead body, I wondered what we had done to deserve this. At his funeral, we encouraged ourselves in the Lord and tried to reassure his wife. I didn't know that within a year I would be back in the business of burying pastors and comforting their widows.

Two weeks later, I had another call telling me that one of my pastors was very ill. Initially, he was being treated at a private hospital but we moved him to the intensive care unit of a bigger hospital. I remember battling for his life and running around from place to place, trying to get various doctors to attend to him.

I ran around with blood samples trying to save his life. It was all to no avail. Within a few days, he lost consciousness and I eventually had a phone call from the hospital - another Pastor Charles was dead. My heart sunk and depression set in. All strength was gone as I walked home. Another promising young pastor was dead leaving behind a widow with little children.

I thought it was all over, but a few months later, whilst in South Africa ministering, I had a phone call. I had just walked into my hotel room in Pretoria when my Senior Associate Pastor called me from Ghana.

He said, “Pastor Fleischer is dead.”

I stuttered, “What…. How… When…?”

By this time, I knew there was something wrong.

You see, in a sense, we were just like the Jerusalem church. Many of the characteristics of the Jerusalem Church could be found in our church. We were blessed, growing, prosperous, powerful, and as they say “we had it going on.” It was this event that finally brought my attention to God's plan of church planting for my life.

Do not misunderstand me. God had already used me to establish over two hundred churches. We were into church planting but I had become comfortable with what we had already achieved. I was scared of moving into new territories. I was not so willing to send people anywhere. I had changed, I had backslidden, and I did not even know it.

I was a fearful General, afraid to say to one, “Go and he goeth.” I could not bear to send these prosperous pastors and workers to areas that desperately needed churches. My considerations were now different. The “Jerusalem prosperity” had gotten into my head and into my heart. I was thinking of the kind of life people would have in some of these towns and villages. What schools would their children go to? Would these young men ever have enough money to build houses or buy cars?

The Lord asked me, whether those were the considerations I made when I was entering the ministry. The Lord asked me whether our church would be where it is today if considerations of personal well-being and comfort were what had guided us. I knew in my heart that I had backslidden.

Many people think it is hard to be sent. But it is even more challenging to be the one to send people into what may be poverty and death. But I am determined to go all out and not to restrain myself again when it comes to church planting.

I hear the voice of the spirit saying, “Send, send, send.” One time the Lord rebuked me. He said I was training many people but I was not sending them out. He showed me that I needed to balance my training with my sending.

The Jerusalem Church eventually became a church planting ministry but through great difficulty.

And Saul was consenting unto his death. And at that time THERE WAS A GREAT PERSECUTION against the church which was at Jerusalem; and they were all scattered abroad throughout the regions of Judaea and Samaria, except the apostles. Therefore they that WERE SCATTERED ABROAD went every where preaching the word.

Acts 8:1, 4

Furthermore, by these few pages, my son, be admonished because of making many books there is no end!

by Dag Heward-Mills

[eliospinag]

Today is one of the saddest days of my life, one of the strongest, brave, cheerful, and inspiring men I've ever met has left this world, thanks to him I am part of one of the most inspiring and great projects that has existed. Thanks to Black Widow and Captain Marvel, I exist, I am only the human part of them. God have you in his glory, wait for me, I love you too much. 😘💔 @therealstanlee https://www.instagram.com/p/BqGyN7Fn1R8/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=43c6531udeo5