#Me when I'm inarticulate
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Minecraft stamps bcs I'm imploding
#web graphics#old web#neocities#da stamps#minecraft#stamp collecting#deviantart stamps#page graphics#rentry graphics#The fanfic hits hard#Me when me when#Me when the fanfic gets me hyperfixatwd fucking AGAIN and now I have 1.5 million more words to read and I I I#i hate it here#I called my friend up yesterday sobbing because everyone in the fic was happy and I've already read it and I know they're all gonna die#SOBBING#I'm im im fuckkkk hhhahhska#Me when I'm inarticulate#I fuckinf love Minecraft so much bro
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me: *is a writer*
also me: *can only ever seem to think of one way to say 'thank you' to the people who are kind enough to comment on my fics 🥲*
#it's always just 'tysm i'm so glad you enjoyed'#bc i can never think of anything else to say for some reason#it's like my brain short circuits and just creates one of those automated email responses la;lkdls;fkfg lmao#ik it probably doesn't matter but i feel like i'm so inarticulate sometimes when i respond to people lol#anyway#this is me saying sorry for that lol#fr i do appreciate your all's comments#which is why i always try to respond#i'll do my best to be more creative in the future but sadly i can make no promises lol#ignore me
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Ways the Biden Administration has helped the Rural America
I'm from rural NC and grew up in extreme poverty. I don't live there anymore, but I feel sick seeing the aftermath of the hurricane. I've been to some of the places in those photos. I'm so glad that so many people care and are trying to help. Thank you.
However, I've seen posts about the devastation that are saying that the Biden administration has done nothing for the rural South, and even some that seem to encourage people not to vote.
I am hoping this is high emotion and misinformation speaking. But it is incorrect.
To be extremely clear: voting against their interests, voter misinformation, and voter disenfranchisement is part of why so much of the rural South is struggling so much.
The Biden Admin has already approved Federal funding to NC, including the Eastern Band of Cherokee Indians.
A reminder, Republicans voted AGAINST disaster relief funding, even after requesting it for their own states.
Also, the Biden admin has invested a ton in rural communities:
Here's a really good tumblr post that talks about a lot of it.
Here's a list of ways that the Biden admin has invested in rural communities.
"Biden-Harris Administration Delivers on its Promises to Invest in Rural People, Climate-Smart Solutions, and America’s Food System"
"Biden-Harris Administration Invests in Rural Communities to Lower Energy Costs and Create Jobs in 39 States and Guam as part of Investing in America Agenda"
Also! We're getting these severe hurricanes because of climate change, which Republicans deny!
They also want to get rid of/privatize the National Weather Service and NOAA! You know what the rural south can't afford? Paying to find out if a hurricane is coming!
During Covid, a lot of Rural NC had to just CLOSE SCHOOLS with no distance education because they students didn't have good enough internet and/or didn't have devices to use. I know people who just didn't have second semester senior year. The Biden admin are funding getting high speed internet to rural and Tribal communities. The Trump admin wants to disband the Department of Education which WILL NOT HELP!
Also, here's an article on the ways the Trump Administration has failed rural America.
I'm not good at this sort of thing, so I'm just going to end with this google search (sorry for the LMGTFY sarcasm) if you want to read more.
#if ya'll come at me I'm blocking#this is not polished - there is a reason I don't make posts like this#I am very inarticulate when I have strong feelings which is all the time#THIS IS A DRAGON AGE BLOG#hurricane helene#flooding#I'm not posting anything else about this after this post#I use this as my escape from the real world
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I need you to fix my art block, what nerriston or jaspvid art should I do?? (Like what situation it should be)
I'll think of a real ask later I'm just really tired and crave fluff
omg hiiiii your user is cool
as for like situations? uhh my go-to ideas are fourth of july (fireworks!!!!), two of them fighting over a board game ("I OWN THE PROPERTY, YOU OWE ME MONEY" "I DONT OWE YOU SHIT"), nerf/water gun fights, sleepover scenes (pillow fights, truth or dare, ouija at 3am once i did that it was cool but no ghosts showed up, mariokart), trying (and failing) to bake something, etc.
tracing over funny photos/memes/whatever is also pretty fun to do. "no bitches" but with nerris and its like. "no mana" or something idfk i dont play dnd. i usually do silly things like that first to get motivated to actually do art things
those are always fun things to draw!! i hope this helps :D
#another thing that normally helps is listening to music and tryin to draw something based off the vibe of the song#or a specific lyric#like the line "cause we've found ourselves in quite a situation and when I'm by your side I feel elation” from inarticulation by rio romeo#inspired me to draw a thing with a love potion? idk it was weird but it was fun to draw#thats all my advice rlly!! i write more than i draw so this may not be helpful at all
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it's kinda comforting to me when my friends are a little annoying or longwinded or abrasive or tired and inarticulate, or they don't do the exact politest thing in every interaction, and stuff, because I know I'm sometimes annoying, or take up a more than my share of conversational space, or forget to ask them questions, etc etc, and... like, I'm always working to be nice to my friends and to get better and better at friend-ing, but it just makes me feel more human about it :}
anyway I love you friends plz know I'm not counting, in fact I feel great affection toward you even (especially) when conversations go less than Perfectly Ideal
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𝐄𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐈𝐂, 𝐒𝐄𝐗𝐔𝐀𝐋, 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄 𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐊 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒.
All sentences have been taken from different media to be compiled into a list. This is not a meme for minors, the content here goes from mild to highly sexual, topics like dominance, submissive, bondage,praise kink and breeding are all present so discretion is key. Change names, pronouns, locations as you see fit.
You are perfect. And now you wear my mark, your ass is mine.
Tie me up, please…
Kiss me hot,heavy,wet & angry with that attitude like you do when your mouth yells it hates me but your tongue screams it can’t wait for me.
Let me undress your body, caress your skin and wetly massage your mind back into making love to me again.
They wanted her. They all loved her. And they wanted to keep her.
A little vanilla never hurt anybody.
If you have any sense you’ll stay away from him.
Touch me, like this, like a good girl.
That’s it, use your tongue.
I'd planned to have you on your bed the first time, but maybe I should take you here, by the mirror, so you can see how splendid we are together.
I’m not going to deny that I want to fuck you. I cannot do anything else, But I will say that I have plans for you if you say yes.
I’ll fuck you so good, for so long that the only thing you’ll crave is my hands on your skin, my cock deep in your pussy.
I want a second serving of you. I’m hard just thinking of your perfect breasts and hard nipples.
As much as I appreciate that, right now you’re all I want to eat.
Now will you please sit on my face already?
You are corrupting me, Theo.
But you like being corrupted, don't you, sweet girl?
The destruction of something beautiful can appear so entertaining.
If women were totally satisfied with their sexual and lovemaking experiences, women would welcome the lovemaking experience as much as men.
I want to learn from you. Teach me what you know.
Once I make you mine, you will be mine forever. I will call you and you will come, in more ways than one.
What have I taught you? Show me, sweet girl.
Use your thighs, ride like it’s your last day on this earth.
I been aching to be inside you since we met, you devil woman.
Hands braced against the wall, and open your legs.
You tasted sweet, like oranges, liquid sunshine in my mouth.
I need you. Every pore of my being is begging. This is what we do.
The things I want from you, darlin’, will give you nightmares, ones like you’ve never had before.
If you could read my mind, I’m pretty sure you’d either be traumatized, sexually aroused or both.
The nicer you treat her outside the bedroom, the naughtier it will get inside the bedroom.
Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature.
That’s it. You can take a lot more, don’t you? Hold on to me.
If you behave, I’ll let your hands go and touch me.
I love your skinny legs, and what's between them.
I don't want words, but inarticulate cries.
All you have to do is beg, and I will give you what you want.
I want you splayed out on the table like my own personal feast.
I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair. Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
You make the sweetest little noises. But I need you to be louder, let everyone know.
It's like an itch, isn't it? You can feel it in your throat. You want to scream for me.
Every time you move tomorrow, I want you to be reminded that I've been here. Only me. You are mine.
I felt like an animal, and animals don't know sin, do they?
And ye whimper under me, and struggle as though you wanted to get away, and I know it's only that you're struggling to come closer, and I'm fighting the same fight.
I can help you with that.
Forgetting him. Moving on. I’m okay with being your rebound. I’ve already said that I want you.
You’ll give yourself to me? Let me take control? Let me send you over the edge of ecstasy time and again until you awaken?
Possess. Have. Hold. Enjoy. Control. Dominate. Pick your verb, Ms. Fairchild. I intend to explore so very many of them.
I feel claimed.
You’re so primed. I can feel that hot little pussy clenching around me every time I move a muscle or say a word.
Yeah, arch your back so I can look at you going nice and tight around my fingers.
Pet, I give you permission to be as vocal as you wish, because I am going to blow your mind in a few minutes and I want to hear how much you enjoy the ride.
If you want me to touch you, all you have to do is ask. It would be my pleasure - and yours.
Watch me make love to you.
I'd like to bite that lip.
I want you sore, baby.
I cannot let you burn me up, nor can I resist you.
There is no room in my body for anything but you.
Eat me, drink me; thirsty, cankered, just take me as I am.
I live for sex. I celebrate it, and relish the electricity of it, with every fibre of my being.
I’m not wearing anything underneath. Want to see?
You will be staying here until I’ve deemed it safe for you to go back to your life. Do you understand me?
Dominate you? Yes. Master you? yes. Make you yield to what you want, make you surrender to who you truly are? Yes.
Why don’t you scream my name? Let every other man and woman who you belong to.
I don’t want to think, I just want to feel.
I taught you everything you know. Every man after me is just a shadow of what I did to you.
I knew you could be a good girl.
You were fucking made for me.
God is not gonna save you from me, baby.
My mouth wants you, I want to feel you in my mouth, way down in my mouth.
I am moist between the legs.
I came three times. During sex.
Do you know all the ways a Lady can be seduced? The things I could teach you?
You stay right where daddy puts you, baby girl.
Wait until you taste her. She is fucking delicious.
Lick my fingers and feel how wet you are.
Are there big, bad monsters in the woods who want to eat me up?
Right there, don’t stop. I can feel it.
Please come in me, I don’t care, I want to feel you.
Where do you want it, baby girl? Your cunt, your mouth or your neck?
Close your eyes and relax. One kiss. I don’t bite.
Seriously? In the morning, again?
You said to rest but I can feel you hard against my back.
You can do all the rest sweet, let me take care of you.
I want you to fuck me, Chris.
A little playful banter never hurt — or did it?
One should always explore something, before one goes in deeper.
Come here and undress me.
How am I supposed to do my job when all I can think about is getting back to you?
Someone could walk in on us.
Better be good and come fast, then. Or everyone will see you begging for more.
I can imagine my hands getting your fucking clothes off right now.
Do not shy away from the sensations I create, Cherry Blossom. Take pride in them, as I do.
Am I doing it good, baby? Just like you taught me?
Tell me I’m a good girl. Your only girl.
When I come, I come for you. Because of you and your mouth, hands, and insatiable little cunt.
My tongue, my fingers, my cum inside you. Just you and me, Eva. Intimate and raw.
How many have been with you ever since? Or no one compared? Tell me.
Show me then. I demand that you show me. That’s an order.
#roleplay memes#sentence meme#( cali meme. )#rp memes#rp prompt#rp musings#roleplay prompt#smut prompt#kink prompt#usft tw
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Cause we found ourselves in quite a situation
And when I'm by your side I feel elation
You kiss me slow but without hesitation
You threw me straight into inarticulation
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TG: so you admit you were stalling with all that bullshit TT: I said not entirely. TG: what do you mean TT: It's going to be a long ride through all this nothingness. TT: Maybe I just thought some company would be nice. TT: Before it's all over.
...I'm honestly kind of inarticulate, at this point.
This is just a deeply fucked-up situation - but at the same time, it's proving to be one of the most heartwarming scenes in the comic. Bittersweet might be the best way to describe it.
TT: I'll wake you, but only if you promise to rejoin the others. TT: Could you give a message to John for me?
I'm too weepy for theories, at the moment.
“I’m sorry.” is the best and only guess I have.
TG: if im promising not to chase you down then theres not really any hurry to wake up TT: Aw, are you sure? TT: I was looking forward to bowling another wicked googly with the yarn. TT: Sportsways. TG: nah ill stay asleep a while
Dave! <3
Dang it, dude. You’re getting dangerously close to S-Tier on the strength of this conversation alone.
Something tells me this ain’t no ghost.
Well, kids? Are you next?
TG: im stuttering this dude is making me nervous TT: You don't remember him? TG: no
You might not remember him, but one of your altselves died by his hand. It sounds like there’s some very slight memory bleed between the two Daves – just enough to give him goosebumps here, as some primal part of him remembers what if felt like to be stabbed.
This actually has some fairly wide-reaching implications, if true. For example, if Dave can remember his altself’s experiences, what’s stopping the Scratched kids from remembering their previous lives? Even if the memories are only processed as vague ‘feelings’, it would still be very interesting for Reboot!John and co. to be thrust into a session which is both new, and hauntingly familiar.
We might have seen this phenomenon before, actually.
Typheus!John seemed awfully emotional when he first laid eyes on Dad. I guess he was dimly aware that the man had been kidnapped by imps, but there might have been something else going on, too.
Was it possible that a fragment of his soul was aware that, somewhere far, far, away, a terrible fate had befallen his father?
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i’m obsessed w ur mean dom george and his boy scout knots, even more so w the events of this weekend and the weird amount of flirting him and max have been doing recently!! i could totally be barking up the wrong tree with gax vibes but they have been really fun this year
Okay forgive me nonny for typing directly into the answer box, the typos will be horrendous, but I'm in a tiny french café right now and unfortunately dom george gax has seized my mind so:
Max Verstappen propping up the VIP bar at the Bellagio is not George's problem at 9.04 on Monday, when his hangover is beating a tattoo between his eyebrows that even his largest pair of sunglasses can't hide. His GPDA hours are strictly 9-5, Wednesday through Sunday. On Mondays, he gets peace, he gets quiet, he gets to order precisely one hair of the dog Bloody Mary and crunch through the celery in private.
Max orders another gin and tonic without tearing his eyes from the door, and George sighs.
He'd texted himself, last night, somewhere between the first club and the second. Assumed, naturally, that Danny's one-man tour of the US would have to hit Vegas for Max's fourth, even if he was conspicuously absent from the race itself. But when he checks now, there's still no reply.
His "G'morning" rumbles out, frightfully inarticulate, throat still whisky-burnt. Max spares him a bleary glance.
"Is it?" He sounds dopey drunk. His mouth looks sticky. George's mum loves a G&T too; she used to tuck him in at night, suddenly fond and warm and cuddly, and the smell would tickle his nose, comforting and disorienting in equal measure. It's never the gin that lingers, always the lime and the lemon. Max should switch to Hendricks, with its cucumber twist. It would suit him better.
"Are you staying here?" he asks. Max blinks, makes a nod that's half a shrug. Good enough. "Are you packed? When's your flight?"
"It's my plane," Max says mulishly, like he hasn't got at least three friends - or maybe it should be colleagues at this point - booked in for AirMax. Not George, of course. George is travelling with Toto. He's quite looking forward to it, ten hours in quiet approval, thumbing through The Times on an iPad, starting from the Sport section.
He doesn't bother pointing out the obvious, but he does allow himself a couple of disapproving tuts. It's surprising when Max's shoulders curl, slightly, a flush crawling up from under the collar of his hideous team jacket.
George checks his watch. He's got time, he supposes, to play the good Samaritan.
(When Max's red eyes flick back to the door, he thinks he might've done it anyway, his fifteen minute buffer be damned)
"Let's get you to bed, then, shall we?" It doesn't take much to haul Max upright. They're all easy enough to throw about, if you've got the strength. But he's not expecting Max to tuck into his side, nod into his shoulder and chest.
He manoeuvres them both to the lifts with minimal interruption, which is a relief. Max is more pliable than at the bar, but practically useless. He's on one of the keycard-only floors, because of course he is, four time champ and maddeningly casual about it. George has to rummage through his pockets for it; Max makes an insultingly shocked noise when George slides long fingers into the front pocket of his jeans. "Don't get excited," he scolds.
Something twitches under his fingertips. The firm hard line of the keycard is nudged into his grip.
George raises his eyebrows, tilts his chin, and turns to tap it, secure their no-stop ride through a ludicrous number of floors.
Then he spins back, and Max's inordinately large mouth is fastened to his jaw.
Detaching him takes some effort. "We are going to bed," Max argues, as George cranes his neck away.
The lifts had seemed too big before, American big, a fun house of mirrors exaggerating the gilt and gaud of it all. Now he could do with a couple of square miles more between him and the drunk determined look in Max's eye.
He's looking straight at George, but not like he's ever looked at him before. There's nothing to recognise in those eyes.
("I saw Max in the bar," he'll tell media in three days, a wry smirk on like cheap perfume. "But he didn't see me." And then he'll get the recognition he wants, surprise and a flicker of heat, quickly doused. A bit mean, to do it for the cameras. But he'll know by then, that Max likes it mean.)
"No," he says now. He fits his hand across Max's chest, between the swell of his pecs. Palm against his sternum, thumb and fingertips pressed to his collarbones. The span of it makes Max look small. His eyes have gone lidded.
"No," he says again, and presses firmly. Max is lax against the mirrored wall, mouth still open. Drunk, but neither of them are passing a sobriety test right now. George's driver is probably getting a coffee right now, checking the time. George won't make him wait. He's considerate like that.
Four floors zip by in quick succession.
"Not until I say," he tells Max, firm. Forgiving.
He steps into Max's space slowly. Makes him wait, straining against the pressure of George's hand, until he deigns to lean down and lick into that gin-sour mouth.
Max is sloppy, uncoordinated. George keeps his hand where it is but lets Max grab at his waist, his arse. He grinds like a puppy when George slips a thigh between his, but his dick's either even smaller than the paddock gossip says, or suffering from one too many doubles.
It doesn't matter. It's always been enough for George to be wanted. To grant, or withhold.
It doesn't even sting now, when they're surprised to want him. All of his victories will always be a shock.
He stops Max from straying up his jawline or down his neck. He doesn't want to spend his flight sticky, grime against the prickle of a fresh shave. Keeps it to kissing, a light nip at Max's bee-stung bottom lip when he gets pushy.
He's got one eye on the dial, though, so when the door opens on Max's floor, with its implausible colonnade, George has stepped back, just a friendly finger and thumb holding Max's chin. The blue of his irises has almost disappeared behind the black of his pupil.
"Bed," George orders, sharp, and Max stumbles out with more speed than George thinks he'd get sober. Sober Max would fight all the way down; it'd take hours to get him sweet. It'd be time well spent.
He follows at his own pace, pleased to see Max holding the door open for him, hands shoved deep into his pockets in a poor show of casualness. It's lost the second George steps inside and Max is on him again, fingers scrabbling to pull George's shirt out of his pressed slacks.
When he pushes Max off this time, he wraps his hand against the base of his throat. Squeezes, just a little.
"Shirt. Jeans. Off. Bed," he orders, clipped and quiet. Max looks delightful when they hit home, stunned and open and young. George quite badly wants to put his thumb on Max's tongue, watch him drool around it. But he's being good; he's got a plane to catch. He holds himself still for the clumsy minutes it takes Max to comply, waits until Max is flat on the bed, duvet kicked down to the foot of the bed.
Bless him, he's still soft in his boxers. But his face is enough for George to know.
Daniel had liked it too, when George had put him on his back and told him to stay still. That cocky grin wiped off his face for a long minute, brown eyes blown wide. Maybe that's their problem, Max and Danny. No one to give the orders.
He allows himself just this: a trail of fingers, up the length of Max's leg, over the meat of his thigh, the softness of his stomach. A flick against a hard nipple, and a light chuckle at the full body jerk Max makes under him.
And then, with a flourish worthy of a Vegas magician, he yanks the duvet up to Max's neck. "Sleep it off, you madman."
Max's fury is a series of choked, inarticulate noises George would relish extracting in other circumstances. Luckily, Max has not regained any of his mobility; he fights against the duvet, but George has easily enough time to tuck himself up against his waistband, hidden by the fall of his trousers, and make it to the door.
"Congratulations again," he throws back, before it closes behind him. He finds he means it.
He's on the pavement, monogrammed carry on in hand, just as his driver pulls up. He makes a note to tell Alex, with some elisions. He could use a reminder of the value of punctuality.
There's a sign on the freeway, just before the airport. "What happens in..." and so on. Somehow, he's not convinced Max will see it that way come Qatar. But-
It lingers, the sight of Max's face. Not spitting angry, or dumb with lust, the need to submit. But tired and empty and hopeful nonetheless, eyes fixed on the entrance of the bar.
Disappointed not to see you in Vegas, he texts Daniel as Toto and Susie settle in opposite him. You should make it up to me.
That, Danny replies to.
to my winner? 👅👅💦
Yes, George types. Both of us.
#gax#dorge#and the threat of something else#f1 rpf fic#answered asks#my fic#now with a read more line to save your dash sorry!#that monday feeling
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Re: this post
Could you tell me which slur is it? I'm not very familiarized with these words in english so i get confused when people vaguely refer to them
I get it why if you wouldn't like to, though
😅 yeah ngl, I kind of don't want to tell you, because the last thing I need is for this slur to get resurrected and violently used against Black people, though people practically say it without saying it atp.
But on the OTHER hand, if people are resorting to "affectionately" calling raccoon furries "Coons", a conversation is desperately needed in these furry spaces and beyond.
The coon caricature is one of the most insulting of all anti-black caricatures. The name itself, an abbreviation of raccoon, is dehumanizing. As with Sambo, the coon was portrayed as a lazy, easily frightened, chronically idle, inarticulate, buffoon.
Read the whole thing!
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John Price is the sort of man to bend you into positions you had no idea you could even do
“John- John! Please I can’t-“
“Shhh sweet girl, look, your knees are already next to your head yeah? just hook… fuck you look fuckin filthy like this..”
Thank you for this good soup!
MDNI/NSFW/18+
Bossy Price is my favorite Price.
The king of talking you through it, and not taking no for an answer, he just wants to see you push past your boundaries a bit and try new things.
"I know it hurts, but just relax. You're doing so good. Just breathe. Big stretch."
The pull of your calves hooking behind your head, and the rough scratch of his hands against the underside of your thighs distract you from the tug of his cock at your exposed opening. You've never been this open before. You feel helpless and...seen.
Especially with him looking at you with wide eyes full of amazement, like you were some marvel painted on a chapel ceiling. Or a masterpiece carved from marble and displayed on a pedestal.
Your own hands uselessly clasping at his arms and fisting the sheets as he spreads you wider and pushes you deeper into the bed.
"I can't, John. It's too much." The strain on your muscles, the threat of fitting all of him at this angle, the weight of his massive body pinning you down.
"You've already done it, love. Just be good and still for me. Just like that. I know you can do it. Deep breath." His words punctuated by the obscene squelch of his thick, ruddy length forging a path inside, inch by inch. "Fuck, love."
Rude and clumsy, like a bull in a china shop, he loses the last thread of control he clung to and buries himself punishingly to the hilt. He calls you filthy and beautiful and just so good for him as he watches your walls soften to accept him with every thrust. Your greedy, tight grip when he drags back out again.
His gruff, inarticulate moans and platitudes fuel you on, bringing you closer and closer to heaven as you finally relax around him and just surrender. The struggle fades away until it's just you and him, and the relentless rhythm rocketing you further as he fucks you through your orgasm and comes hot and messy deep in your core.
When he catches his breath and fetches a towel to clean you up, you try (and fail) to move your legs back down.
"Give me a hand?" You giggle, sleepily when he returns. "I think I'm stuck."
#call of duty#john price#captain price#captain john price#price x reader#captain john price x reader#captain price x reader#cod smut
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For the OC ask I'd like to ask: betrayal or midnight (whichever you want, or both if you have the time/ energy)
Midnight: What keeps them up at night? Do they have nightmares? Fears? Anxieties? What do they do in the small hours of the morning when they should be sleeping?
--- It well past Midnight.
It was hard to tell in Las Noches, because the natural sun outside was just as dark as the sky, and the artificial sun Aizen installed under the dome never set. But the air was cooler, and marginally more humid.
Coyote Starrk was up, roaming the halls- he slept all day so Lilynette has the energy to play with their new friends. She liked to follow the older girls around, especially Ulquiorra's underlings, Cici and Vivi, and sometimes Charlotte, if the woman offered to play makeup with her.
Besides, it felt... normal to him, to roam at night. When things cooled off and quieted down and the other nocturnes came out to play. Hallibel, for one- Coyote wasn't actually sure when she slept, or if she did. The closest he'd ever seen is her folded in a corner somewhere, breathing deeply but as soon as he approached, she would open one eye and at least grunt her half of a conversation. Ulquiorra was usually out on the roof somewhere and he made for decent if somewhat gloomy stargazing company. Grimmjow was often stalking the lower levels, Aaroniero/Arruruerie emerged from their shadowy sanctuary to scuttle about the kitchen, and Szaylel kept not so much irregular as outright chaotic hours.
He was in the outer halls that go around the dome, artificial sunlight streaming in one side, silvery moonlight in the other, and all the noises of the night echoing between them. It wasn't actually being sociable, per se, but it soothed the lonliness to hear everyone about or not.
"AAAAOOUGH!!"
Mostly.
Coyote sighed, rolling his eyes and sped up to meet the howling.
"HAAAUGH! AAAAUG!" Wonderweiss cried, scrabbling awkwardly up a set of stairs and bouncing off the walls as he sprinted for Coyote, eyes wide and terrified.
"Hey, hey, calm d-OOF!" Coyote tried to soothe as the small hollow slammed into his middle, bawling. "OW! Dammit Kid! What's the big idea, howling like it's the full moon out- Oh. Fuck."
Weiss was sobbing, paler than usual, and going a bit funny at the edges. It happened sometimes when he was particularly upset- a third eye sprouting in the middle of his forehead, too many fingers on his hands, and two extra mouths splitting open on the sides of his throat- the ears had gone long and floppy again too.
"Okay, okay, take it easy-" Coyote kept his voice low, hands on the boy's shoulders, trying to calm him down. "-What's wrong, eh?"
"HOUSA! HOUSA ICK!" Weiss yelped, scrambling to his feet and trying to pull Coyote after him.
"Yeah, I don't know what Housa is- Alright, show me." Coyote sighed, getting up and allowing himself to be pulled along. Inarticulate as the boy was, he wasn't stupid, or prone to hysteria. The last time he'd had a howling fit like this, one of Szaylel's creations had gotten loose in the Menos Pits and grown to a nearly unmanageable scale in under and hour.
Weiss dragged him down the stairs and along one of the other external hallways, then deeper into the city, past the hall where Aizen held his interminable meetings-
"HOUSA! HOUSA!" Weiss called as they skidded down a little dogleg hall where one of the Shinigami lords was housed-
"Weiss!" Coyote hissed. "You're going to wake Tousen!"
"YAH! HOUSA!!" Weiss nodded, yanking open the door to the Shinigami's room and running in.
"Shit! I- I'm sorry sir, Weiss was worried about- Oh. Oh, fuck." Coyote realized with horror.
Tousen's room was a small, spare place- little more than a narrow bed, wash basin and desk before the heavily-barred windows. Coyote had never seen the inside of it before, but the pale strips of moonlight through the bars made Coyote realize Tousen wasn't here by choice.
The man himself was sitting on the floor, back against the wall next to the washbasin, the scent of vomit still fresh in the room. He looked awful; gaunt, and the wrong color- almost a dull gray rather than the warm brown when Coyote had first met him. His eyes were closed tightly, he was panting heavily, gripping his abdomen, and not responding to Weiss's calls and shaking his arm.
"Shit." Coyote hissed, kneeling beside the Shinigami- he was sweating and very hot to the touch, but moaned faintly. "Weiss- Weiss! Listen, I need you to find- fuck, um- Find me Paramia or Rudborne, okay? One of them might know what to do."
Weiss whimpered, looking between Coyote and Tousen.
"Go! I'll take care of him, okay?" Coyote urged, and with a final worried look at the shinigami, Weiss sprinted off.
"...Because I definitely know how to do that." Coyote sighed, looking down at the man. "Uh, um. Pulse? He should have one of those, right? Hey, um, Lord Tousen? I'm just gonna. Grab your throat. Yeah that's totally nonthreatening..." He muttered, looking around the room and finding his Zanpakuto on the bed.
Instead of biting him like Coyote would have done if someone had started poking his throat while he was barely conscious, Tousen instead rolled his head weakly in Coyote's direction, pale eyes cracked open.
"...Sssjn?" Tousen mumbled.
"What?" Coyote blinked. "Um, oh, there's your pulse... Yeah, I- I don't think it's supposed to be doing that." Coyote winced, the human's pulse not so much beating as rapidly vibrating under his fingers.
"...Sajin?" He asked again, reaching up for Coyote's face with a shaking hand. "Sajin? Is that you?"
"Who?" Coyote blinked. "Tousen? Can you hear me? What's wrong with you? Something you ate?"
"Sajin, I- I'm so sorry...." He wheezed, voice weak, hand dropping away before he could reach Coyote's face. "I- I need to get you up. Find a doctor- Do we have a doctor? Paramia knows how to do a good stitch-up, but... Fuck. Alright, come on, on your feet-" Coyote grunted, pulling Tousen's arm over his shoulder.
"AUGH!" Tousen shrieked with pain as he was pulled up. "Please! Please, don't- just let me be..."
"No way, you're the only guy here with half a brain and I'd really like to live through this whole war with the shinigami thing so I'm really countin' on you to pull through-" Coyote explained, getting one arm under Tousen's shoulders and pulling him away from the wall-
-there was an unpleasantly wet peeling sound as he stood.
Coyote looked over the shoulder of the man slumped against him to see a bright stripe of blood running down the man's spine and against the wall he'd been propped against.
"I'm so, so sorry..." Tousen whimpered. "I never- I never meant to hurt you..."
"Hurt ME? What the hell, you couldn't hurt a mouse like this, nevermind me!" Coyote yelped, scooping the small man into his arms and then nearly dropping him as he over-corrected. Tousen was much lighter than he should be.
LILYNETTE!! Coyote howled over their bond. WAKE THE FUCK UP!ITS AN EMERGENCY!
WHAT?! She snarled back as Coyote sprinted out of the little cell of a room, looking for someone, anyone-
Tousen's on death's door, we need to find a- a doctor, someone! He panted, searching the halls.
Do we even HAVE a doctor? Lilynette wondered back.
That's what I wanted to know! He grumbled, sprinting up the stairs toward the meeting room.
WHY WOULD I KNOW? WE SHARE A BRAIN, MORON!! she cried back. Fuck, Uh- Not Szaylel- I dunno, Charlotte? She knows a lot about skincare and diets?
Yeah, we're a bit past skincare- look, I told Weiss to go find Paramia, go help him? Coyote skidded into the meeting room to find the light on down the hall in the throne room. He turned the corner to find a tall figure walking towards there as well.
"Ulquiorra's back with the girl Lord Aizen wanted." Hallibel muttered through her mask and high collar. "...Humans aren't supposed to be gray, right?" She frowned down at Tousen.
"No they're not!" Coyote grinned up at her. "Please tell me I've slept through a staff meeting and that we've got an actual doctor, not just a mad scientist and a stitch witch?"
"Oh? What seems to be the matter with- oh. That's. Bad." Szaylelapporo oozed over, then grimaced at the man. "Well, get him on the table, I'll see what I can do-"
"Not you! A REAL Doctor!" Coyote spat, jerking away from him.
"EXCUSE ME?" The mad scientist squawked, aghast.
"Welcome, Miss Inoue-" Aizen's voice rippled down the hall from the throne room. Tousen whimpered, curling into Coyote's chest, shaking. Fuck, if Aizen locked him in that cell of a room, he could have poisoned him too-
"-to my kingdom of- What the hell are you wearing?" Aizen sputtered.
"Yes!" an unfamiliar voice replied.
"Oh, come on, how often do we get a chance to dissect- I mean- surgically assist a Shinigami?" Szaylel pouted, reaching for the shivering man.
---
"Mr. Cifer didn't give me a lot of details about the conditions here, so I tried to prepare for every eventuality I could!" Chirped the small mountain of clothes and camping gear that apparently contained Orihime Inoue.
"I- well. If one cannot be forewarned, one should be forearmed, I suppose..." Aizen muttered, thrown completely off script. "But as I was saying, please allow me to extend the full hospitality of Las-"
There was a brief flicker of bright light and sharp withdrawal of reiatsu in the hall behind him.
"That better not be a cero-" Aizen frowned.
BLAM!
"My dick!" Wailed Szaylel from some distance away, having been blown through several walls as well as castrated.
"Quitcher bitchin', it'll grow back!" Snarled Coyote.
Aizen closed his eyes, rubbing his temples with his middle and ring fingers, struggling to maintain some composure. "What are you doing Mr. Starrk?" He snarled, turning on his heel to confront the First Espada and instead walking face-first into the spectacular underboob cleavage of the Third.
"Are you the Kurosaki kid's medic?" Hallibel called, unperturbed by the fact she was lightly smothering her commander.
"Uhh... I mean I'm trained in first aid and I'm pretty good at healing?" Miss Inoue muttered as Aizen extracted himself from Hallibel's bosom.
"What the hell is going on?" Aizen hissed up at her.
"Great! Lord Tousen's dying." Hallibel explained to Miss Inoue, before looking down at Aizen. "Also, Lord Tousen's dying." She said pointing down the smoking hall where Starrk was emerging with a weak and pallid Tousen in his arms.
"Oh, come on Kaname, pull yourself togeth- oh." Aizen recoiled at the sight of his compatriot, and the way his spine had bled all down the front of Starrk's uniform. "Miss Inoue? Your skills are requi-" He spoke up only for the girl to brush past him without so much as a sideways glance, shed of her excess garmentry.
"Mr. Tousen?" She asked, eyes wide and already on the verge of tears. "Can you hear me?"
"I-Inoue?" he groaned, turning his ear towards her. "Where? Where's Sajin..?"
"He's fine, but you're not. Can you tell me what's wrong?" She said, taking his wrist and touching his face.
"S-stomachache. Started... I- I don't know. Can't sleep." he mumbled, head dropping back onto Coyote's chest.
"He- he also threw up, his whole back is bleedin' and he keeps apologizing to this Sajin guy?" Coyote added.
"When was the last time you ate or drank anything?" She said, pinching the skin on the back of his hand and grimacing.
"I- I don't know. Not for a while. Not... not worth it." he muttered, listless.
"Is the stomachache concentrated anywhere? and is it more like nausea or pain?" She asked.
"P-pain. Very painful." He hissed. "It's- lower right side."
Miss Inoue inhaled slowly, jaw set. "Is it better or worse if you put pressure on it?"
"Hurts- hurts if I take pressure off it?" He whimpered. "I- I can't- Where's Sajin? He, he was just here-"
"Well, Miss Inoue?" Aizen asked, strolling up and putting a hand on her shoulder. "Care to prove your worth?"
The girl was completely still and silent for a moment. Fear? Or some sort of delayed reaction? Aizen watched her for a moment, the girl's face expressionless.
"I need a sterile room, surgical equipment- scalpels, sponges, gloves sutures, the works- and the means to sanitize it, and at least two people to hold him still." she said, voice flat.
"Surgical equipment?" Aizen scoffed. "You misunderstand- I want to see what the Shun Shun Rikka is capable of."
"It's capable of restoring a hell of a lot when it comes to traumatic injury and blood loss but it doesn't work on infections or organ failure, so if you want Mr. Tousen to live through the night, you'll have to settle for my capacity as Surgeon." She said, voice quiet and clipped. "Sterile room, Surgical equipment, sanitary gear, assistants, please, before his condition gets worse."
"...What condition?" Aizen puzzled, and she sighed with exasperation.
"You! White hair and horn! Find me a room that is or can be rendered sterile!" She barked, pointing over Coyote's shoulder.
"What? Who died and made you queen?" Lilynette yelped.
"DO IT!" Coyote barked.
"Fuck! Okay!" She flinched. "There's- uh, Paramia's office. She's got most of the stuff you were yelling about. I think."
"Good. Mr. Starrk, right? Do you know where that is?" She said, gray eyes snapping up to the Primera Espada's own, and he actually startled a bit.
"Uh- yes, and yes?" he muttered, arching his neck away from her.
"Take Mr. Tousen there ASAP, get him on a bed and if there's any means of restraining him, I need him lying on his left side, everything on his right side from his hip-bone to the middle of his ribcage exposed. Understand?" She said, gesturing to Tousen's side.
"Uh, yeah, Yes, I'll go-" Stark muttered, backing up a few steps and vanishing in a burst of Sondido.
"Maybe I didn't make myself cle-" Aizen started with Orihime spun out of his grip and turned to face the rest of the throne room.
"Mr. Cifer! I presume you know where the kitchens are! I need drinkable water, any electrolyte beverages you have or failing that, anything with a decent amount of salt in it, and anything with caffeine."
"I don't take orders from you." he growled.
Miss Inoue stopped from where she'd been turning to Hallibel and glared back at Ulqiorra. "You said that if I followed you through that portal, I'd be joining Aizen's cause, body and soul."
"What?" Aizen mouthed at Ulquiorra behind her.
"Yes? And?" Ulquiorra agreed, glaring back.
"Mr. Aizen, may I then act in an emergency capacity under your authority for the purposes of keeping a member of this organization alive?" She asked, rounding on him.
What had been sad, soft gray eyes in Ulquiorra's recollection of events had darkened into the color of an oncoming stormed and sharpened around the edges in a way that reminded Aizen uncomfortably of how Unohana's disapproval could feel like a knife at his throat.
"...You have hidden depths, Miss Inoue." he smirked, pretending to be at ease if he couldn't pretend to be in control. "-And since you're being such a good team player, I will happily grant you temporary authority to see to Kaname's welfare."
"Thank you sir." She bowed her head. "Cifer! Kitchen!"
Ulquiorra sputtered for a moment and then skulked off.
"...This good favor of mine is entirely dependent on Kaname's survival and recovery, of course." He said, leaning down into her personal space, lips almost at her ear.
"Of course, Mr. Aizen. I would consider failure to save Mr. Tousen just cause for suicide as it is." she said, and then failed to elaborate as she turned to Hallibel. "Ma'am with the blonde hair! What's your name?"
"...Hallibel." She said, slowly cocking her head at the girl
"Thank you Miss Hallibel." Inoue bowed. "Do you have a good grip, and can you stand the sight of blood?"
"...Yes?" Hallibel puzzled.
"Please escort me to Mr. Starrk, I'll need your help." Inoue asked, pointing down the smoking hallway.
"Miss Inoue, what cond-" Aizen started to ask again, but the girl was gone in a blur as Hallibel promptly carried out her orders and followed Starrk's sondido with her own. "-ition are you talking about?"
"Fever? Vomiting? Severe pain in lower right abdomen? C'mon boss, even you know what's up!" Laughed Gin.
---
"So... have you ever done a surgery before?" Hallibel asked when they stopped at the door in front of Paramia's room.
"Ugh-" Orihime staggered for a moment, disoriented. "What? Oh, no- I've seen this one done before. Well, a video of it." She winced.
"Oh." Hallibel muttered. "Well. I've never seen a video of anything, so I guess you're qualified." She shrugged, opening the door.
"Miss Inoue?" a soft voice asked inside. "I'm Roka Paramia, I act as Medic here." She was a small, almost human-looking hollow with half her face covered by a humanlike skull, almost like the phantom of the opera. She also wore a green, cable-knit sweater, which was strange because it had to be at least eighty degrees in here.
"Oh thank god!" Sighed Orihime. "Have you ever done surgery before?"
"No!" Smiled Paramia. "I look forward to learning the process."
"Cool, I'm promoting you to Assistant Surgeon. Can you get the relevant tools out and sanitized?" Orihime nodded.
"I have already done so, as well as secured Lord Tousen to the operating table!" Paramia smiled, gesturing inside to where the shinigami had been strapped down to the stainless steel table. A small, childlike hollow curled up and whimpering beside him. Behind them, Starrk and Lilynette were standing awkwardly, unsure of what to do. There was a quiet sob from the table, and Orihime stepped into the room.
"Hey- I met you down at the river yesterday! Weiss, right?" Orihime asked, touching the boy's shoulder. He looked up at her, large purple eyes blinking slowly in recognition.
"Ohhimay?" he tried.
"That's right! I'm Orihime!" She smiled, patting his head.
"Augh!" Weiss sobbed, grabbing her shoulder and pointing to Tousen.
"OW! Easy, I'm not very strong- Thanks." She winced and Weiss relaxed his grip. "It'll be okay, I promise. I'm going to make Mr. Tousen better, but it's going to really, really suck for a bit but then he'll be all better, I promise!" She soothed, brushing a thick lock of blonde hair away from his face.
Weiss mumbled, looking between her and tousen for a moment.
"It's okay Weiss. I'll be alright." Tousen spoke up, voice little more than whimper. "Can you go guard the hall for me?"
"...kay." Weiss mumbled, shuffling off the table and out the door, crouching beside it, still peering back into the room.
"Thank you. And I'm really sorry for what's about to happen." Orihime bowed, hands holding Tousen's. He grimaced, but nodded and squeezed her hand in acknowledgement.
Orihime looked back at Paramia."What do you have by way of painkillers?"
"Oh, we don't believe in those here!" Paramia smiled.
Orihime blinked at her a few times, and decided to think laterally. "...What do you have in terms of alcoholic beverages or other recreational drugs here?"
"Oh! There's Tequila in the commissary!" Paramia nodded with excitement.
"Nnoitra's got Ketamine." Said Hallibel.
"He has WHAT?" Yelped Starrk.
"Ketamine. Yylfordt snitches it out of Szaylel's lab and they get high on the roof when Aizen's away." Hallibel shrugged.
"Ketamine would be very helpful, actually!" Orihime chirped, slightly manic. "Alright, Miss Lilynette? Go help Ulquiorra in the kitchen-"
"UUUUUGH." Groaned Lilynette.
"I know, he's a jerk." Orihime waved. "But he's also stupid, and probably forgot what I sent him for already."
Lilynette snorted with laughter and Orihime smirked. "I'll write you a list, make sure he comes back with everything, okay?"
"Yeah, I can babysit batboy." Lilynette giggled.
"Miss Hallibel? Do you think you can persuade... I'm sorry, I didn't catch their names-" Orihime waved.
"Yeah I can shake down Nnoitra for his stash." Hallibel nodded.
"Great! You both go do that and come back ASAP while we scrub up?" Orihime asked, giving them each a thumbs up, and the responded in kind before vanishing out the door.
"I must say, I'm very impressed with your capability for organization and command!" Paramia beamed as the two medics washed up and Coyote tried to figure out the best way to keep Tousen pinned to the table. "There was some discussion between Lord Aizen and Lord Ichimaru of abducting someone from soul society to fill in the role of chief medic, but I think you're the superior option so far."
"...Who were they going to take from Soul Society?" Orihime frowned.
"Oh... I can't remember her name. Lady Usagi or something?"
"LADY UNOHANA??" Orihime shouted.
"Yes! Lord Ichimaru suggested that abducting Lady Unohana would be more tactically sound, but Aizen dismissed the idea rather quickly- I'm sorry, have I said something humorous?" Paramia asked as Orihime crumpled to the floor laughing, and there was an amused wheeze from Tousen.
"We'd all be better off if Aizen had attempted to abduct Lady Unohana." Tousen laughed darkly.
"Yeah!" Orihime didn't so much grin as bare her teeth at the absurdity of her circumstances. "She would have reduced them both to bright red streaks on the wall and I wouldn't be here doing an unanesthetized appendectomy at one in the goddamn morning!"
#aeiwam#an elephant is warm and mushy#Bleach#Bleach fanfic#kaname tosen#wonderweiss margela#coyote starrk#orihime inoue#sosuke aizen#tier halibel#kaname tousen#long post under the cut#description of injury#description of illness#extremely inadvisable medical practices#Zero Braincells Operation here.
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ok im gonna pass out now but i transcribed a decent chunk (5 minutes/1k words) of vitalasy & zam's conversation from yesterday! transcript under the cut
Vitalasy: Hi.
Zam: Hi. Okay. I've got a couple questions for you—
Vitalasy (overlapping): What’s going on?
Zam: I'm a little nervous.
Vitalasy: Okay
Zam: But, yeah. I don't know! Okay. when I think about my, like— my relationship with you on the server, right? it's a little, it's a little complicated, right, it's a little— little tricky, right? you know? We've had a lot of…tension, at times, or a lot of times where I wanted to kill you and you wanted to kill me and of course there was the time where… I ended up betraying you of course, and just— a lot that I've been thinking about a lot recently, and… I just, I don't know. I— I don't know, I just want you to know that… I'm sorry, and that (giggles) I don't know, I, it feels like— I I don't really know how to word this. but like— I don't know. A lot's changed since then, and I wanted you to know that. I really wanted you to know that, you know? I'm very different person now, so. I don't know. (pause) I'm really bad at this whole communicating thing, but, um—
Vitalasy (laughing): I mean, that— that's something that has stayed the same, then.
Zam (also laughing): Yep, yeah. Didn't improve in that r- I mean, I've improved a little bit—
Vitalasy: Maybe it goes both ways here, though.
Zam: Yeah, I don’t know. But, um, I wanted to show you something, okay? Because last time you were on the server, right? it was, like, during the abyss, right? or, I guess—other than this season, of course—but like—it was like, sort of abyss related?
Vitalasy: Yeah.
Zam: After— after you gave all your stuff to Jumper, um, after you gave all your stuff to Jumper and left the server, um… I— and like, she betrayed us, I kind of went on this whole, like, arc where I wanted to blow everything up on the server— specifically your base, um—
Vitalasy (overlapping): Wh— (splutters) I was gone!
Zam: because I knew it meant a lot to Jum—
Vitalasy (overlapping): What do you mean?
Zam: Well, it's because— it was to hurt Jumper, specifically, for betraying me, um—
Vitalasy: Okay.
Zam: And, again, a lot has changed since then, I'm not— I don't, that's not who I am anymore, and I want to show you that that's not who I am anymore, (breaks the slab in the corner revealing a water stream going down) so— I've built you a little present—
Vitalasy: Last time I— last time I followed you down a hole, I died.
Zam: (splutters) Th-th—that's not— okay— no,
Vitalasy: Let that be clear.
Zam: Not important! I—I— it's different. It's different this time, there's water and I'm down here. Just come on down! (pause; Vitalasy starts coming down the water stream) You can put your armor on if you want, but I mean, it's fine if you don't, it's cool. But, yeah. I don't know! Derapchu told me that I should build something—or, no, I think it was Kaboodle actually—said that, every single build that I have on the server, or, like, every place that means a lot to me, is, like, out in the open, right? Um, so I wanted to build something that meant a lot to me but wasn’t out in the open, so I've had this little area for like the past couple months and I just come here every now and then whenever I need to think and figure stuff out and I've really wanted to show it to you. for, like, a while now. (pause) So like, yeah.
Vitalasy: Zam.
Zam: mhm? …Cool.
Vitalasy: Cool.
Zam: (laughs) (sniffs) I'm sorry.
Vitalasy: Oh my God—wait. I need to— hold on, my camera is being annoying right now. But—
Zam: mhm.
(pause)
Vitalasy: Wait (inarticulate noise) Okay. Okay okay okay.
(pause)
Zam: So, like. Yeah.
Vitalasy: Zam, I don't— I don't know what to—
(pause)
Zam: What?
Vitalasy: When I think back on my favorite story
Zam: Mhm
Vitalasy: That I've done on lifesteal,
Zam: Mhm.
Vitalasy: I— think and talk about Eclipse Federation.
Zam: (noise; halfway between an exhale and a ‘hahh’?)
Vitalasy: Without a doubt, like—
Zam: mhm.
Vitalasy: I talk about it to— we're gonna, (stage whisper/exaggerated weird voice) I talk about it to my admissions officer, um—
Zam: Really?
Vitalasy: For college, yeah
(they both laugh a little)
Zam: Damn!
Vitalasy: Like, this was part of my, my, uh, college application season, ummm—
Zam: (laughs a lot) That's actually really cool.
Vitalasy: Yeah, like— really, if I'm gonna be so honest, I— I have very few regrets, and… this is not one of them.
Zam: Awwwwwwww.
Vitalasy: I, I don't, I don't regret anything that happened.
Zam: Okay.
Vitalasy: And, um—back then—
Zam: I do. I feel like you were right and I was wrong. But, yeah.
Vitalasy: No! No no no. I don't—I don't—I don't say that as a, I don't regret it because I was right, that's not what I'm trying to say, um—
Zam: I know. But like— I don't know, it's just like, I don't get to see you that often, so—it's just—I really, I wanted you to know that I feel like you were right and that I was wrong, and.
Vitalasy: (laughs) Come on.
Zam: I just like, I just wanted to say that—
Vitalasy: No, no, no. I'm not taking that. No, no, I'm not taking that! Are you kidding me?!
Zam: What do you mean?
Vitalasy: You can't say that! What? (punches Zam)
Zam: Okay…? (laughs) Okay.
Vitalasy: (punches Zam again) ‘Cause that's not true! That's not true.
Zam: Okay.
Vitalasy: I, I hid stuff from you.
Zam: …Uh-huh.
Vitalasy: Like, let that be so clear. And I'm glad we're, we're actually talking about it now— (looks around at the room) it's so weird, ‘cause like my worlds are kind of combining right now, (Zam laughs) but, um— (Vitalasy laughs) uhh
Zam: Yeah. Damn. Yeah, I don't know. I've just— missed you a lot and I'm really glad that you're back. Even if it's only for a little bit. (pause) So yeah.
(pause)
Vitalasy: We should play more. (punches Zam)
Zam: Yeah! That’d be cool, I’d be down.
Vitalasy: Yeah.
Zam: Yeah, for sure. I would love to see you around more, if you ever—could, I don’t know.
(pause)
Vitalasy: Yeah.
Zam: Yeah.
Vitalasy: We should see each other more. (punches Zam) We should see each other more.
Zam: Okay! I’m cool with that, yeah, of course.
Vitalasy: Yeah yeah yeah.
Zam: I really wanted to—yeah.
Vitalasy: (punches Zam) Let’s talk offstream. I, I think I have a couple ideas.
Zam: Okay, cool! I'm down, yeah. Alright.
#lifesteal smp#princezam#vitalasy#starfox#lifesteal#mcyt#zam#not a perfect transcript by any means#ideally i'd check the other vod to see if i can hear any of the words/sentences im unsure of more clearly#and i'd transcribe More Of It--there's a lot more good stuff in the vod!#but i'm pleased with what i have/it got my Favorite moment and it's longer than the clip transcripts i've seen passed around so!#therapists dni#from the house that we made our home
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I relate to and feel represented by Towa heavily in that he exhibits Schizoid Personality Disorder unlike any character I've seen before. It was in my head for a while but I couldn't get a hold of Slow Damage to find the evidence for it myself until now, I sort of just used to look at Towa, squint my eyes and mouth the words 'I'm onto you'.
This will be a long, indulgent post, I have not finished said game and will probably update when I do especially after Madarame and Fujieda's route. This is based on patterns I've seen so far in the game as well as some spoilers I came across. Read at your own... something or other.
SzPD's main characteristic is the lack of interest or ability to form relationships. Towa is on the side of a lack of interest rather than ability. One way I see SzPD in him is socially, he's indifferent and blunt or when he makes an attempt to spare feelings he's evasive, he maintains this distance with everyone around him. He doesn't chase after romance; sex and pain are stimuli that allow him to feel something beyond crippling apathy. It doesn't stop there though.
When he wants to, Towa knows how to adapt, negotiate and manipulate others. This can often come as second nature to many with SzPD, not out of malicious intent but through a way to protect themselves by setting the relationships they do make on their own terms. He interchanges between inarticulateness and eloquence according to Akhtar's Profile, selectively choosing what he gives away and what he keeps to himself.
Finally, Towa's art model in the moment, whoever it may be, can easily be considered his 'interest person'. Again referring to Akhtar's profile, those with SzPD can be capable of excitement with carefully selected people and likewise they tend to have a penchant towards typically darker and unconventional things as a form of coping. Combine those two and you have Towa's heightened interest in the selected few when he unravels their darkest desires.
A second way I see SzPD is through his feelings of unreality, schizoids tend to be seen as 'detached observers', there's a lack of motivation or drive beyond the few things they want to do. Towa doesn't hold any long-term ambitions and has no real sense of urgency over anything, he's often dragged outside by others around him or if he bar-hops and searches for hookups. He also holds a sense of grandiosity towards his indifferent observation, the line that stuck out to me the most was when he said to himself, 'All the more proof that life was easier when you didn't care about anything.' A view you will often see from Schizoids time and time again in response to other people's emotionally charged issues.
Towa sometimes dehumanizes himself, describing himself as a 'single minded robot' when painting, playing a role when granting his art model's wish like he did for Asakura or by referring to 'Human Beings' as though he isn't one of them. Obviously as a child Towa was horrifically abused and treated like a 'thing' instead of a person and a result of that he has a weak sense of self, he has a tendency to cave in around more dominant personalities. This can be another thing that goes hand in hand with SzPD, entering into a 'Master/Slave' type dynamic in social relationships (SchizoidVision has a post on this concept, here) As I've explored, Towa has the faculties to play the 'master' in these dynamics like with his art models but he takes a 'slave' role with the main leads that hold the potential to lead into even worse dehumanization in the bad endings.
Thirdly, a way I see Schizoid in him is through his emotions plain and simple, he hardly expresses strong emotions or reactions to anything and everyone sees him similarly, that he's aloof or uncaring. It shows even more in how he doesn't care for social validation, praise or criticism does virtually nothing. He sometimes feels accomplishment for finding his inspiration to paint but Rei ends up being the one posting it on Roost's blog. He isn't dependent on other people's opinions whatsoever. A huge part of SzPD traits.
Finally, the use of his internal fantasy and how it obsessively consumes his time. When he begins painting he becomes utterly immersed to the point he neglects food or sleep, you can't snap him out of it forget any sort of practical responsibilities. This reflects in SzPD in how daydreams tend to consume a lot of schizoid's lives, often preferring it over reality. It can interfere heavily with day to day tasks, I can say there's multiple times I haven't left my room, eaten or slept over a period of time when I get an urge to create something or lose myself in my own head.
Overall, there's so many boxes he ticks so far it's as if he's become the box himself. I connect with him a lot for these reasons and he can easily be considered a major comfort character and face for my page, plus somehow I find the time and dedication to write this essay when I have my abandoned assignments just begging me to make a start on them. (I won't until I feel like it.)
#ccbrainfix#slow damage#nitro+chiral#towa#towa slow damage#slow damage towa#szpd#schizoid#schizoid personality disorder#cluster a
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There is something that rubs me the wrong way about those sorts of posts where a trans guy shares a misdirected hateful message he received telling him something along the lines of, "You'll never be a real woman!!! You'll always be a man and you can't change that!! Even if you get a surgery it will be a gaping wound and everyone will know you're a fake!!" or whatever that was clearly sent because the bigot in question though he was transfeminine, with the OP captioning the screenshot something like "I saved this message because it is so unintentionally gender affirming haha."
On the one hand, I can sympathize. I get it, it's probably nice to have someone aggressively gender you as male, it probably is really quite affirming. I recall once getting immense gender euphoria at a customer service job I had once when a customer angrily cursed me out while continuously gendering me as female and it was pleasant to know that even someone who hated me saw me as a woman in that moment, and I imagine this is a somewhat similar feeling, though obviously different in structure. And I'm not denying that i see the humorous aspect there too, it's fun to feel smarter than people sometimes when they make ironic mistakes. On the other hand... You are just sort of broadcasting transmisogynistic hate speech as a funny joke and reminding any transfeminine people reading the post that we are the primary target of most transphobia.
You may find it unfair that I specify a transmasculine poster here, but I only say this because I have never once seen the reverse occur. I've never seen a trans woman share a humorous anecdote about having been sent hate speech that assumed she was trans man. It is always the other way around, because always the assumption will be that transsexuality means perverted men dressing in women's clothing and infiltrating woman only spaces to commit acts of sexual violence. As per usual, the hypervisibility that transfeminine people "enjoy" is a panopticon.
It's just like when people post screenshots of conservative transphobes on twitter saying things like, "Trans men are men, period. Are you #triggered?" because yes, on a surface level this is funny, but you do understand that what they're actually saying is "trans women are men" right? They aren't using the correct terminology because they don't care about that; they just want us to commit suicide. All you're doing is broadcasting hate speech and making fun of them for being inarticulate about it.
And ultimately some guys on the internet lacking tact and making me feel uncomfortable isn't the end of the world, I'm not saying that anyone who has done this should be "cancelled" or whatever, but I would like if people would think before they post things like this.
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hey, so I live in an area that gets orange marches every Saturday during summer, and ive been going insane, not to mention it scares my cat shitless. tried to complain to environmental services of my local council, but as it's a weekend I was told I can only make a noise complaint after 6pm, otherwise call the police (won't be doing that).
I'm wondering if you/your followers know of any non-arrestable ways to disrupt an orange order (crucially, when it has just woken me up lol). not sure if water balloons are... legal? ive been considering leaning out my window and just inarticulately screaming at the top of my lungs (but worry about hurting my throat lol). any tips to deal with these fuckers??? lest one day i snap and do something ill advised.
I know you're probably half-joking but I'd strongly suggest you reconsider throwing anything because you'd put yourself and your cat in immediate danger. They wouldn't hesitate to kick your door in.
The only thing I'd recommend is soundproofing your house and/or playing your own music loudly to drown it out. I would also continue to pressure the council.
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