#Me in practically every fandom I ever engaged with

[behindthunders]

[i2rizz]

I want you on my team-

So does everybody else

Fandom: Blue lock

Characters: Rin x staff!Reader

In which.. rin wants you.. but so does everybody else..;)

Lyrics from promiscuous

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The familiar hum of Blue Lock’s training ground echoed in the background as you watched the team go through their drills. You had only recently joined the staff, brought in as a tactical analyst to support the players, offering insights and helping them sharpen their techniques. At first, it was just another job. But when you met the players—especially Rin—it was impossible to ignore how fiercely driven they all were.

Your first encounter with Rin had been exactly as you expected: distant, unapproachable, with that cold, intense gaze that made you feel like you were under a microscope. But you weren’t intimidated. You simply did your job, offering small suggestions during practice and chatting briefly with him when it was necessary.

You didn’t think much of it—until it became clear that Rin wasn’t the only one who noticed you.

It started innocently enough. Isagi, eager to improve, asked you for feedback on his positioning during a scrimmage. Then, Bachira—always so playful—wanted to know how he could make his footwork more unpredictable. You thought it was harmless at first, just players seeking advice. But soon, it wasn’t just Isagi and Bachira who sought your attention. Nagi, normally aloof, began engaging you in casual conversations about techniques, even asking you for tips on how to improve his focus.

And that’s when you noticed it.

Rin was watching you more closely than before. When you spoke with Bachira, he’d observe from the corner of his eye, his gaze hardening. When you complimented Isagi on his improved dribbling, you caught Rin’s jaw clenching, his eyes narrowing. It was subtle, but it was there—a flicker of something he was trying to hide.

You tried to ignore it. After all, you were just doing your job, nothing more. But with every passing day, Rin’s subtle jealousy became more apparent. The way his eyes followed you during training, the tightness in his posture when another player talked to you—he couldn’t hide it anymore.

One day, it all came to a head.

-----------

You were standing on the sidelines, watching the players go through a series of drills. The team had just finished their practice session for the day, and you were about to wrap up your notes when you overheard a conversation between Bachira and Isagi.

“I swear, (Y/N) is paying more attention to you than the rest of us,” Bachira laughed, his voice playful.

Isagi chuckled, adjusting his shirt. “I guess she’s just trying to help me out. We’ve been talking a lot about strategy.”

Bachira raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Well, it seems like she’s got the whole team’s attention now. Maybe you’ve got some competition, huh?”

You glanced over, catching the playful teasing between them. But then you noticed Rin, standing a few feet away, his posture stiff and eyes fixed on you—more intense than ever. There was no mistaking it now: he was jealous.

You couldn’t help but smile, though you tried to suppress it. It was cute, in a way, seeing Rin so competitive over something so trivial. He wasn’t usually one to share attention with anyone.

Bachira seemed to notice it too. With a sly grin, he leaned in closer to Isagi. “Looks like Rin wants (Y/N) on his team. So does everyone else, huh?”

You turned your attention back to Rin, who now locked eyes with you. His gaze was sharp, but there was something underneath that intensity—a mix of frustration and possessiveness. It took him a moment, but his lips finally twitched into something close to a smirk.

“(Y/N),” he called out, his tone casual but somehow laced with something else.

You raised an eyebrow, walking over to him. “What is it, Rin?”

His eyes flicked to Bachira and Isagi, who were now pretending to be too engrossed in their conversation to pay attention, before he fixed his gaze back on you. “I need you to watch my footwork closely today. I’ll show you how it's done.”

There it was. The way he spoke—almost like a challenge. He wasn’t just asking for feedback. He was staking his claim. He wanted to impress you.

You couldn’t help but laugh, crossing your arms. “Are you sure? I think Bachira could give you a run for your money on that.”

Rin’s expression hardened for a split second, but then he smirked again, stepping closer. “I’m better than him. And I’m better than anyone here.” His words weren’t arrogant; they were simply facts, in his eyes. “So, if you’re going to choose a favorite, make sure it’s me.”

You blinked, taken aback by his bluntness. He wasn’t being subtle anymore. He wasn’t hiding his feelings.

“Well,” you said with a teasing smile, “I can’t just pick favorites based on skill alone. It takes more than that, don’t you think?”

Rin’s eyes darkened, and for a moment, you thought he might say something else. But instead, he just grinned, a wicked, playful glint in his eyes. “I’m already winning. Just wait and see.”

Later that week, during a team strategy meeting, you found yourself caught up in the middle of the tension. Rin was unusually quiet, his attention fixed on the board as the others discussed plays. But you could feel his gaze on you, waiting for any moment to assert his dominance.

As the discussion grew more heated, you decided to step in and offer your own strategy. You could feel the eyes of the team on you as you explained your thoughts—an idea to switch up positioning during a high-pressure counterattack. You didn’t realize how much attention you’d drawn until you saw Rin’s eyes flash with something akin to… annoyance.

“Alright,” Isagi said, nodding. “Let’s test it out in tomorrow’s practice.”

You smiled, pleased with the team’s response. But just before you turned to leave, Rin spoke up.

“Next time, I want you to watch me more carefully. Not them.” His voice was low, serious, and his eyes locked on yours.

You raised an eyebrow, the heat of his words sinking in. “What’s your point, Rin?”

“My point is,” he said, stepping closer, his usual confidence returning, “if you’re going to be part of this team, you might as well pick the best player to follow. And that’s me.”

The others chuckled, but Rin didn’t break his gaze. You could tell he meant it, and suddenly, the playful banter had shifted to something deeper. He wanted you on his side—not just as an advisor, but as someone who would stand by him, through it all.

You didn’t respond immediately. You simply smiled. “We’ll see about that, Rin.”

From that day on, Rin no longer hid his feelings. He continued to push himself harder, knowing you were watching. The tension between the two of you became an unspoken understanding: he wanted you, and you weren’t going to make it easy.

But one thing was clear—he’d do whatever it took to win you over. Because when it came to Blue Lock, Rin wasn’t used to losing. And when it came to you, he had no intention of letting anyone else get close.

After all

He wants you on his team

But so does everybody else ;)

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I listened to promiscuous and i straight up went and said "yeah im writing an one shot based on this"

[bad268]

hector fort is so fine but he looks so intimidating and that s hwo the team is used to seeing him. because of this he would also date someone who looks intimidating but is acc rlly soft. I feel like he would give the best hugs in the world according to the fan clips.

I imagine the reader/his gf/s/o coming ti watch a match and the team is so used to seeing him looking all tough that when he sees reader he gets all soft.

they also expect the reader to be intimidating despite their (short) height but they both go soft the moment they hug each other. as they get comfortable while cuddling together the reader just stast playing with his hair and he practically melts and the rest of the r just like huh ?

Intimi-Duo (Hector Fort X Fiance! Reader)

Fandom: RPF/FCB

Requested: Clearly (this may or may not have happened to my brother-in-law and sister lol)

Warnings: Alcohol mentioned

POV: Second Person (You/your)

W.C. 1240

Summary: Secret entanglements get revealed when SOMEONE has too much to drink.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

You were both known for looking intimidating. It was only natural for you to gravitate toward each other. You were the head of the FC Barcelona PR team, and he was, obviously, a player. While many would say that you should not be in a relationship (if they knew), you were childhood friends and eventually high school sweethearts, and now, you were happily engaged. Granted, you did wear your engagement ring on your right hand most of the time, so no one knew about it outwardly.

Back to the point, you were known for being ‘small but mighty’ as people said. You were shorter than most of the team, but you more than made up for it with your cold demeanor and quips. Anytime someone mentioned your height, you would snap back, regardless of who it is. Granted most of the time, it was the team, so technically, you were above them, and you could snap back at them. The only person who never made a comment was Hector.

The team noticed it, but no one would ever say anything in fear of retaliation from him. Or from you for that matter. They knew Hector was not nearly as intimidating as he looked, but he could if he needed to be. It was just his thing! 

One thing the guys tried to do after every win was set Hector up with someone. Every win, without fail, the team would go out for a celebratory dinner and some of the guys would go out drinking afterward. Hector was one of them, but you were not. Club hopping was not your scene, but you understood that he would want to hang out with his friends after a good match.

Tonight was one such night. However, what made this celebration different was that they secured their place in the FIFA World Cup semi-finals for 2026. After rallying back from everyone saying they wouldn’t make it, they did, and they were determined to make it all the way.

Throughout the dinner, all they guys talked about was going out afterward and having a blast. A couple of the guys made jokes about setting each other up. It was all fun and games until one of them directed the joke at Hector. 

You, being sat across from him talking to one of your PR team members, did not hear the joke. You also did not catch the glare he threw at the boys. It was not until he kicked you from under the table that you looked up at him. 

“What was that for?” You snapped before realizing who it was. You let up on the glare a little, but not enough for anyone besides Hector to notice. 

“Tell them I don’t need to be set up with anyone,” Hector complained as he leaned forward on the table. 

“Boys, if he says he’s fine, he’s fine. I get it. Some of you, I’m not naming names, can’t take care of yourselves and want someone to do it for you, but Hector is clearly fine with his current situation,” You lectured as you gave pointed looks to each of the guys. “Plus, look at him. What sane person is going to give him a chance?”

“Ouch,” Hector gasped while the guys laughed. “I asked you to defend me, not roast me!”

“It’s my job to keep you in your place,” You smirked at him. To the team, they read it as the PR manager keeping their team in line, but to Hector, he knew the jab was a joke towards him. “If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll go out with you guys and make sure they don’t try to set you up with anyone.”

~

That’s where you are now. Leaning against the bar, nursing your second alcoholic drink of the night. Yes, this was your last one because you knew that these boys were going to get plastered and need someone responsible to drive them home. Plus, you were banking on them needing at least an hour or two more before they decided to tap out. That would give you enough time to sober up.

Just as you turned to the bartender to ask for your favorite non-alcoholic drink, a couple of the guys came up to also get refills and shots. Most of the stuff they were saying was unintelligible, but it was funny nonetheless. They were talking about the different people they found attractive, what kinds of shots they were going to take, and placing bets for who was going to tap out first. 

All of a sudden, you felt arms wrap around your shoulders as a person hid their face in your neck. Immediately, you recognized the hold as Hector and placed your hands on his forearms, anchoring him to you. You tilted your head to the side to give him more space as he rubbed his nose against your pulse point.

You turned to face him, leaving feather-light kisses to his forehead and around his face as you played with his hair. “Is someone drunk?” You teased quietly, but it was clear that the boys heard you over the booming music. Their mouths were agape, watching the two of you but not interfering. They were in shock. How is it that the two most intimidating people they know become such softies with alcohol?

“Why aren’t you wearing your ring?” Hector whined, unwrapping himself from around your shoulders to grab your left hand. “I know it was there this morning. I know ‘cause I put it there.”

“Mi amor (My love), it’s on this hand,” You chuckled as you showed him your right hand. He immediately grabbed your right hand and looked at the ring skeptically before moving to take it off. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“You are mine,” He said simply as he put the ring on your left ring finger. “I didn’t pine after you for years for you to wear our engagement ring on the wrong hand.”

“We decided to keep it a secret, mi vida (my life). I was just doing what we agreed on,” You tried to reason, but he was not having it. Once he placed the ring on your finger, he kissed your knuckles before leaning onto your shoulder again. “I think it’s time we get you home.”

“I’ll go anywhere with you,” Hector flirted as he side-eyed you. This caused his teammates who were still standing at the bar to snap out of their shock as they all jumped over each other to talk to you.

“When were you going to tell us?”

“I thought we were friends!”

“Is it bad I want to call you guys the intimi-duo?” That one caught your attention, making you snap your head towards Pedri, the one who asked it.

“What the hell is an “intimi-duo’?” You laughed as Hector hid from the attention his teammates were giving you.

“You are both intimidating in your own ways, and now we know, you’re engaged,” Pedri explained with a light laugh, “I thought intimi-duo would be funny.” 

“I could get used to that,” You laughed with him as you moved to stand up. “Honestly, boys, I would love to stay and chat, but I need to get this big baby home.” You gestured to Hector, who was leaning heavily against you, almost asleep. “Do any of you need a ride? I’m a lot more sober than you lot.”

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[cheonstapes]

We need a soulmate au with Miguel! There are barely any in this fandom with reader x miguel and it’s such a cute trope!

Especially with someone who isn’t a complete sunshine, just a reader who is as equally as cold and uninterested in the idea of “soulmates” as Miguel would be, yet they both finds themselves naturally drawn to one another.

miguel o’hara stars in… ‘YOU AND ME, ALWAYS TOGETHER’ (=ﾟωﾟ)ﾉヽ(^o^)

a/n ~ NO SMUT?? OH EM GEE! this was so cute i loved it sm! and yes, im sorry but i hate the sunshine reader fics😭 GIMMIE EMO READER AND GRUMPY MIGGY!!

summary; your futures were sealed from the moment you both met, you two just had to accept it.

pairing; miguel o’hara x reader

wc; 1.5k

cw; FLUFF! minor angst, soulmate au!, i think reader is mostly gn! pls tell me if not🩷, blood, injuries, mutual pining, kissing, reader has a little panic attack, love love love, spanish not translated, NAWT PROOFREAD - we all caps now

As much as he hated to admit it, Miguel always knew you were different.

Miguel was cautious of those around him, guarding his heart against anyone he deemed was getting a bit too close. And you — you were no exception, well, at the start. You were no ray of sunshine, that’s for sure. The way you carried yourself, so nonchalantly — almost rivalling Miguel in his own game.

He thinks about the day he first met you often, the curt nod you gave when he reluctantly invited you into the society. The moment he locked eyes with you, something changed. Maybe it was the adrenaline from the fight, or maybe it was the way your bored eyes brightened ever so slightly as you looked at him. Whatever it was, he didn’t like the way his heart momentarily skipped a beat.

He knew you felt it too, that small spark in your belly. It was impossible to ignore him, not just because he’s your boss — but because you didn’t want to. Every time you were around him the world seemed to look a little brighter, blending colours of you two’s shared connection to create an opening for you both to find each other — to explore the depths of that tumultuous abyss.

It was too good to be true, anyway. The idea of being connected to someone like that, having a ‘soulmate’, was downright stupid. You both were too busy protecting the multiverse to worry about something as trivial as love — Miguel scoured the timelines, and no matter how hard he tried, a love of his own was not part of it.

Yet you couldn’t seem to leave each other alone. The bond between the both of you constantly drawing you back to him, and him back to you. It was small things at first, asking you to go over some

mission reports, double checking data that he had already triple checked with you — then it was asking if you wanted an empanada from the canteen, bringing you coffee when he noticed your tired state, sitting you on his desk as he patched up your injuries.

It infuriated you to no end. Harbouring these feelings deep inside of you, you knew deep down you may be overreacting— but this had to stop. It would never work. It’s all you could tell yourself as you sat in silence, your mask covering your distressed face as he rambled on about the details of the next mission. “You’re with me, let’s go.”

“Huh?” You were so cute. It was a look that he’s never seen on you before, your eyes widened slightly, mouth open in a small pout. “The mission. You’re coming with me, so get moving.” That was the last thing you really wanted, being in direct contact with Miguel. A small part of you felt…excited? It was a strange feeling, one you didn’t welcome with open arms — pushing it down with a roll of your eyes and a small huff as you followed Miguel through the portal.

The universe you were in was practically a wasteland. It was unlike any you’ve seen before and it didn’t sit right with you at all. The air was filled with a noxious green smog, buildings seemingly crumbling with every swing the two of you took. “This is gonna be quick, capture the anomaly and we go. Do not engage unless it attacks first.” His stern voice cut through the heavy silence, your head flitting over to where he was perched on a rooftop.

“Yeah, ok, no problem.” It took everything for you not to respond with some sarcastic remark, the vibe here was too unsettling for you to take a jab at Miguel. He could sense something was off, not with this world — but with you. It was like he had a sixth sense, always knowing when you were upset, angry, happy, hungry. He didn’t think much of it, but something about today made the sense so much more intense.

He was next to you in an instant, towering over you as he blocked your vision of the world in front of you. “Hey, cariño, look at me.” Miguel’s voice had never been softer, even though there was still that gravelly undertone — it was calming, enough to get you to lift your head. The pure distress on your face made his gut twist in anguish, feeling his own anxiety picking up — he hadn’t felt like that in years. Those rough hands of his held your cheeks, so gently, as his thumb caressed the warm skin.

“You know I don’t like seeing you like this — all worried. I wouldn’t have brought you here if I didn’t think you were capable of handling yourself, nena.”

“I know…but I-“

“Ah — no buts. What you aren’t gonna do right now is doubt yourself. I’ve known you for 8 years now, and the last thing I think when I see you is ‘quitter’. So get your ass together so we can finish this and go home.” Another curt nod, but this time there was the small hint of a smile on your face — the fire in your eyes reigniting at his words.

“Bueña chica. C’mon the anomaly should be just —“

It was barely touching you. The end of a sharp spike close to penetrating the tender skin of your stomach — but for some reason the pain was unbearable. It felt like blood was pooling in your organs, only there was none. The quietness interrupted as soft patter of crimson droplets hit the jagged concrete of the roof.

Your eyes trailed up, Miguel’s face uncharacteristically contorted into one of something akin to fear — the gaping hole in his stomach revealing itself when the thick shard slides out of it, the anomaly making unintelligible clicks and groans behind him. “No…no, Miguel!” The pain you felt directly mirrored his, your screams of anguish piercing the sensitive ears of the creature — its scaly body slithering off before you could stop it.

“Miguel? Miguel, stay with me ok — we’re going home, I-I’m gonna open the portal now and we’re gonna get you some help.” He could hear how fast your heart was beating, rings of red invading your eyes as tears pooled along with it. Even with the doughnut-sized hole in his torso, he couldn’t help but smile at how cute you were when you’re worried — the pain subsiding momentarily. “Ey, ¡carajo!, cálmate cariño. I…I’ll be ok, nothing I can’t handle.”

“Miguel, respectfully, that’s bullshit — there’s quite literally a whole carved out of you and you wanna sit here and tell me you’ll be ok? We’re going back right now, you’re not fucking dying on me.” Turning, you tapped around on your watch — opening a portal back to the HQ. Miguel’s presence behind you didn’t go unnoticed, despite his fatal, in your eyes, injury — he still found the time to tease you when he should be on the ground fighting for his life.

“How many times am I gonna have to tell you to look at me?” Was his voice always that deep, that sultry. His hands trail up your arm, grasping your wrist gently to stop your movements. The world turns as your spun round, eye-to-chest with Miguel before he lifts your head by your chin. He guides your hand towards his stomach, your hand meeting his firm muscles. “Where — Where did it…?” He chuckles deeply, shaking his head.

“Told you it’s nothing I can’t handle.” He was smiling, genuinely smiling as he looked at you — his eyes softening as he looked down at your expression. You were spluttering, hands waving around as you tried to process what you’re looking at — the hole now completely sealed as if nothing happened. Miguel’s rough hands cupped your cheeks, eyes flickering down to your lips — his own face heating up slightly.

You pause, hands shaking coming to grasp onto his shoulders — your bodies coming to press against each other. It was straight out of a movie, a dysfunctional one at that, but a movie nonetheless — faces meeting in the middle as your lips collide, tongues gently dancing. One of his hands move to grip your hips through the fabric of your suit, blunt nails digging into the fat as he grunts out curses against your spit soaked lips.

A few heated minutes pass and he breaks the kiss, panting down at you. “Let’s go capture that fucker.” You nod, your face lighting up from that bright smile you put on — once dull eyes sparkling up at him. “And after, I’m taking you out to that buffet place you keep talking about.”

Your hearts were beating in sync, everything perfectly aligned as you both finally found each other. You’re future together slotting into the timeline, the shared acknowledgement of your connection coming to fruition.

Whether you believed it or not, you two were soulmates, and nothing would change that.

-if you put a buck in my cup

[zan0tix]

May I just say I really really appreciate your approach to and respect for the transfemininity embedded in Homestuck. Like the fact that you depict Jake as a kind of "genderfuck" (for lack of a better word) character without trying to divorce that from transfemininity as so many others do, as well as being able to depict Roxy with certain clocky characteristics without disregarding her femininity or making it feel fetish-y, is all really admirable in my eyes. It gets extremely frustrating seeing large swathes of the fandom constantly trying to separate the story of Homestuck from transfemininity despite it having a transfem enby author, so I really appreciate that you don't shy away from it in your art :)

I am so glad!!!!! Its something ive Always noticed in like every fandom since i first got onto the internet the disparity between the amount of transfems i knew vs how often their story got to be uplifted in fandom spaces or get to be celebrated how transmascs did considering how queer dominated they are but then i grew up and realised how badly male centric queer spaces are too😭

Homestuck is one of the spaces that has a big amount of transfems openly engaging in fandom activities and that makes me really happy to see! since i often see gross rhetoric from transmascs or cis women about fandom spaces abt “who is allowed” and “fandom being a safe space” cough blatant transmisogyny (sobs everywhere its so bad)

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW PPL BRUSH PAST HUSSIE BEING TRANS SO OFTEN ISNT THAT INSANE. To me it reframes homestuck how the creators of the matrix being trans does. Like I dunno maybe that informed the works presentation of gender somehow. Maybe all the commentary and critique and displays of frustration at the contradictory nature of gender but especially trying to fit “being a man” in society came from somewhere when they were writing it 🤔🤔🤔 hussie said it herself that alot of homestuck was just stream of consciousness. Everything that comes out of daves mouth near the end seemed very plausible to be a reflection of hussies own journey realising that Actually these boundaries of what defines A Good Man and A Good Woman are ridiculous and no person can possibly live up to that no matter what were told from birth.

But i try my best to reflect the innate transfemininity of homestuck and the majority of its cast, its something integral to the works themes and just the community who built it! It saddens me how skittish other transmascs are about engaging with or portraying the transfeminine stories when its just. Practically textual. And all you need to do is Listen and empathise. I love learning how other feminine people see themselves in this story like how often do you get such a menagerie of in depth fem characters. And i love seeing what the experiences transfems see echoed in homestuck are because its all such insightful stuff About femininity and its beauty and its ills all at once. Roxy..kanaya.. wipes tear from my eye.

I want to actively include and celebrate transfem features and bodies as much as transmasc ones get to be around here and i am glad my jake and roxy do feel that way 🥹🥹 my aim with my designs is to make them feel like some everyday people youd see, no fetishisation/sexualisation or demonisation, just Existing and appreciating. Because i know how much it can mean to see yourself in something and for that to be treated with care and kindness. Its why i create in the first place! Because of how others creations gave me that comfort when i couldnt find it elsewhere

I feel similarly about how people portray fat women or just like. Women in general. its sad how badly the whole sexualisation = acceptance warps how people portray things fatness or transfem features. Never ever saying these things arent hot or sexy or to be appreciated. Duh. I think how i portray jake says enough abt what i think of that LOL just that It feels like its the only way people try and show theyre accepting? Which just feels so gross and dehumanising the only way they think to display they feel empathy is through saying “Yeah i can get off to people like you”😭

Rlly bad in society in general so also in the homestuck space. Worlds hardest challenge is liking the alpha kids. Im so sorry for what they do to you jane and roxy🥲🥲🥲 Its baffling because Homestuck is Prime Example Numero Uno of how to humanise characters. Just display them being people; their thoughts, their feelings, their insecurities, their passions, their woes, their loves, their losses. So much can be communicated through how a character speaks with their friends.

I wana do that for jake and roxy! They get to be dimensional too! I like showing their laughs and their sorrows, just them Existing with the people around them. They get to be a part of the lighthearted comedy just as the rest of them do. They get to be a part of all the gender and sexuality insanity going on in their friend group, can point out their flaws and mistakes and insecurities. I dunno its rlly not that hard to just empathise with them and want to tell their stories.

I am so invested in the raw unabashed Humanity of homestuck. Its just one person pouring their brain contents into this huge thing and it displays the best and the worst and the absurdity and the questions. Its so interesting and hussies transness IS JUST BAKED INTO IT. Thus the characters contain that too and it kinda stinks of transmisogyny to throw that out!

YAPPING TOO MUCH OMG but i rlly appreciate this ask🫶🫶🫶makes me so happy to hear

[dreamingofep]

Behind the Curtain: A Sinned Awakening Story🩸

An AU Elvis fic

(Vampire!Elvis/ Vampire Austin! Elvis x reader)

Fandom: Elvis - Elvis (2022)

Prompt: Getting promoted to be Elvis full time housekeeper, you realize the man holds secrets beyond belief and your undeniable attraction makes you tear the unknown. [Fem!Reader]

TW: Cussing, mentions of blood, SMUT,

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3.7k

A/N: Hello again! I have found some inspiration regarding Vampire!Elvis 🫣 I've had this idea for a while and thought to make it a stand alone one shot but why not make it part of the Sinned Awakening universe? I think it works well considering what goes on in this part😉 Elvis is on his worst behavior in this one... you've been warned hehe.

If you'd like to start from the beginning, start here or Ao3! hope you enjoy and message and comment what you think.

Las Vegas, February, 1974

You could hardly believe that it was a year, almost to the date, when you first met Elvis here in Las Vegas. It felt like another lifetime since you first saw each other and fought that undeniable attraction. Through struggle and heartache, you both could not deny the connection you had. Now you were a vampire too, madly in love with Elvis Presley. More in love than you thought was ever possible. He constantly reminds you of that fact too. How he cannot believe you are his and drowns you in his love. 

He was about to open his winter residency at The Hilton tonight. He was as usual, very nervous and couldn’t contain it. You tried to stay backstage to calm him down. He said you made him feel more relaxed when you were right next to him. But the other issue on hand tonight was that he hadn’t been feeding. He took rehearsing so seriously for these shows and put all his time and energy into practicing these last few weeks to make this the best show anyone has seen. You tried to gently remind him to take the time to feed but he always dismissed it. He would assure you he was fine and would feed later but of course, he wouldn’t. You can sense how hungry he was just standing next to him. He was trying to focus on getting mentally ready for the show but the overwhelming scent of blood from every human in the audience was driving him insane. 

It was almost time for the curtain to go up and you had to get to your seat. Jerry was waiting to escort you to the ballroom and take his seat with you. Elvis didn’t trust anyone anymore and was forever paranoid that someone would try to take you again. Even with you being a vampire and stronger than ever, he didn’t want to take a chance. So any show you went to, Jerry always accompanied you. He was always such great company and never complained he had to escort you anywhere. 

You tell Jerry you’ll be right there and quickly pull Elvis to the side. 

“Baby, are you okay?” You ask low, squeezing his hand. He looks at you nervously, his eyes darker than you’ve seen in a long time. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just nervous that’s all,” he says flatly. 

“I know. But you still haven’t fed have you?” You say bluntly. 

He looks down and shakes his head no. You reach for his face to look back at you. 

“It’s okay. You’re going to have an amazing show tonight. Just focus on me. If you can’t control your thirst up there, focus on me. That’s what I’ve always done and it always helps,” you try to assure him. He nods his head and smiles at you sweetly. 

“Then after the show you better feed,” you scold him. 

“I will. Thank you, baby,” he says leaning down for a kiss. 

You go walk with Jerry and take your seats in the center booth, your usual spot. The house was packed and was buzzing with excitement. There was a lot of anticipation for this engagement. The public was noticing a very different Elvis. He wasn’t the usual recluse who would avoid people at all costs. He wasn’t locked up in the penthouse for hours on end anymore. Elvis liked to be out and primarily show you off around town. It was a nice change. You were glad you could bring the more adventurous side out of him. 

The band starts to play the opening riff and the crowd bursts in applause. Everyone is on their feet including yourself, waiting eagerly to see him come from the wings of the stage. You hear his heart racing away and he takes a deep breath before stepping onto the stage. The audience somehow gets even louder when they see him emerge with his white fringe jumpsuit and green macrame belt. It even has your jaw on the floor. Something about seeing him on stage with the dozens of lights on him somehow makes him look more attractive. Hell, you had seen him naked but something about him on stage in a jumpsuit had you incredibly weak.

He picks up his guitar and puts the strap on around his shoulders. He grabs the microphone and pulls it toward him, spreading his legs slightly as he stands there. His voice booms through the speakers and sends chills through you. He was so electric without even trying. His leg won’t stop shaking and it only draws your attention more to those impossibly long legs. 

It was an hour of nonstop hits and some new songs he’d never performed live. He was just sensational. It never failed to amaze you to see him on stage and do what he does best. The crowd was rowdy and loved everything he did. How he would tease the audience, walking slowly to the edge of the stage to the screaming fans and quickly walking in another direction, leaving them begging for him. Or how he would move his hips in the most subtle of ways and leave everyone drooling for more, including yourself. You didn’t care how many times you saw him, there was no denying how that man would make you feel when he moved. You could feel the blood rush to your core if you thought about that for too long. You try to pull yourself together and not make it noticeable to Jerry that you are feeling a certain way about Elvis’ performance. 

Can’t Help Falling in Love starts playing and Jerry motions for you to follow him backstage. The gold curtain dropped and the crowd was going wild for Elvis. He kneels on the floor with one leg stretched out, along with his arms and his head bowed. It was quite the thing to see. The most simple act of showing his appreciation to his fans. He gets up off the floor and everyone from the band congratulates him on a great show. You wait patiently to greet him. He deserved to be acknowledged by everyone. After some time, through the sea of people, you see him there. His hair was wet and his jumpsuit clung to his body. Your eyes meet through the crowd and your heart hammers uncontrollably. His eyes lure you in and make you feel like a puddle. Oh God, you know what the look means…

He walks through some of the crew and goes straight for you. He picks you up and holds you tight. 

“Come here mama,” he whispers seductively in your ear. 

Goddamn it, he just can’t help himself, can he? He wants you to lose all control right here right now. 

“You were incredible honey! I couldn’t believe what you did up there,” you say as you hug him tightly. He sighs contently when he feels you pressed against him. 

You feel his hands tangle in your hair and pull you in by the nape of your neck. He kisses you fervently, igniting a blazing heat inside of you. You cling to his wet body, needing to be as close as possible to him. He starts to walk backward, his lips never leaving yours. He pushes back through the black curtain that separates the band from the storage area of the backstage. 

You quickly look around and see lots of sound equipment and storage containers for the band’s instruments. You glance back at Elvis and see that devious, dark, hungry look in his eyes. It makes you quiver. With a motion of his finger, he lures you in and beckons you to get closer to him standing in the corner. You willingly walk over to him feeling like putty already. His hair was an absolute mess and his chest glistened with sweat. He looked like he had just been fucked but you hadn’t laid a hand on him. Yet. 

He was impatient and pulled you in quickly, pressing you to his body again. You softly groan with the way he’s touching you, urgently and unrelenting. He starts to kiss your lips again, groaning when he does this. His whole presence has you drowning. He was so on edge and adrenaline still pumped through him after completing such a stellar show. 

You feel the hard concrete wall press against your back and Elvis’ hands squeeze any part of you he could touch first. He puts his hands on your hips and covers your face with kisses. Those lips will always leave you feeling breathless. 

He leans into your ear, “I’m starvin’,” he groans. Your heart hammers away by just that notion. 

You pull your hair to the side and expose your neck to him. “Go ahead baby, it’s okay,” you encourage him. You hear him take a deep breath in and suddenly feel him lick the side of your neck. You groan at the sensation and pull at his jumpsuit’s collar.

“I’m starved for all of you,” he groans as his hands go lower and brings your leg up to wrap around his hip. You feel his cock begin to get hard, pushing into your body and making you weak by the thought of having him.

He starts to ravage your neck with kisses, nipping and sucking at the spot where he wants to bite. You can’t help but get turned on by all of this, the way he was desperate for you was more than you could ever ask for. You feel his hands scrunch up your dress around your hips and his fingers find your aching bud. You gasp at the sensation and hold onto him tighter. 

“Elvis, oh God,” you moan. He doesn’t lift his head from your neck yet, he is still fully wrapped up in your scent while his hands find new ways to make you a weak mess. You then feel his fangs enter your neck and you have to sniffle the moan he made you produce. He makes satisfied grunts as he starts to drink your blood, holding onto you tighter and teasing you more with those fingers. He was enjoying every second of this. He lifts his head up and you watch as he licks the dripping blood that falls down his bottom lip. His eyes looked much brighter and he had more life in his face. But he still looked dangerous. He was looking at you like he wasn’t quite done. He wasn’t completely satisfied. 

You hold your breath as he looks at you like this. You’re unsure what to do or say right now. He takes a step back from you and eyes you up and down. You watch as his fingers start to unlace the jumpsuit. Your heart nearly stops when you realize what he’s about to do.

“What do you think you’re doing?” You whisper in a gruff fashion.

He doesn’t answer you, he just keeps looking at you like he did when you were human. You didn’t know it then, but he was on the verge of draining you when he looked at you like that. Lord, those heated looks should have killed you right then and there and they just might tonight. The laces were untied and he started to unzip the rest of the suit.

“What does it look like I’m doing baby?” He says low with a smirk on his face.

“Elvis right here? No, we can’t. Someone can walk by and catch us,” you panic, still hearing the hum of the crowd and chatter of the band members beyond the curtain.

He starts to shrug his arms out of the suit and looks down at how his cock is fully hard now, begging to be let out. God, you were a dead woman. You take one look at him and you’re ready to sink to your knees for him. He pulls down his jumpsuit a bit and you watch as his hand reaches in it to pull his cock out. 

“Elvis, please,” you whimper. You’re not sure what you’re asking him at this point but you can’t handle any of this.

“You’re gonna be a good, quiet little girl for me okay? That’s how we’re not gettin’ caught,” he says seductively. You can’t tear your eyes off of him, his whole presence right now is dominating and you love it too much to stop it. He takes your hand and has you wrap it around his length. Without even thinking much of it, you start to jerk his cock, watching the pleasure wash over his face. It was addicting to see him so turned on. It didn’t matter how many times you were with him intimately, you couldn’t contain the pure shock that went through you as you touched him and felt the size of him. The heat that came off of him was overwhelming and he was throbbing in your hand. 

“Fucking hell baby,” you gasp. 

“You’re gonna let Daddy fuck you right here,” he growls in your ear. You freeze, you had never done something like this and you knew you were not prepared for any of it.

“Take your panties off for me,” he commands. His voice made your core throb and you looked down at his length. Precum started to come out of him and you couldn’t think any rational thoughts. You pull his foreskin back and spread the sticky fluid all over his tip with your thumb. He grunts and pulls away from you quickly. 

He grabs your face in his hand to get you to look at his intimidating eyes and sharp fangs peeking out from his upper lip.

“I won’t ask again. Or do I have to rip them off with my teeth?” He growls. You whimper in agony, not ready for this man. 

Your silence speaks volumes and he lets out a frustrated grunt. He lifts up your dress and he starts to sink to his knees. He nips at your thighs with his fangs and draws blood. He licks at the wounds greedily and inches closer and closer to your core, leaving little marks of his fangs all over your legs. You open your legs a bit wider, hoping his tongue might pay a visit to your aching bud. But he wasn’t going to give you what you wanted, he was only going to do what pleased him.

You watch helplessly as he bites at the elastic of your panties and tears them off of you in one motion. He lets them fall at your feet and you tremble uncontrollably. He looks back at you with a hungry stare, not liking that you didn’t listen to him. 

“Always so difficult hmm? A good girl listens to me when I tell her to do something,” he hisses. You nod your head at him but it’s too late, you didn’t listen and you’re sure he’ll make you pay for it. He lifts you up and has you wrap your legs around his hips as you’re pinned to the wall. The grip he has on your thighs is tight and you can feel how bad he’s dying to fuck you. You feel the tip of him hover at your entrance and your eyes are blown wide, silently begging him for forgiveness. 

“Baby please, I-I-I’ll listen. I’ll be good.” You try to beg but he doesn’t listen.  

He swiftly enters you and you yelp at the forcefulness of his hips. You gasp for breath as he stuffs you with his cock. He quickly covers your mouth with his hand and continues to move inside of you. 

“Good girl,” he grunts, “Take Daddy’s cock like only you can,” he says with a devious smirk. Your eyes roll back in your head at his tone. 

He fills you hard and fast, giving you no time to adjust around his substantial girth. He revels how your sopping wet cunt hugs his length tightly with every thrust. You cling onto his shoulders and hold onto him for dear life. The only thing you can hear is the sound of you two breathing, trying to keep it together, and the sound of his cock plunging into your wet pussy. It was all torture. You wanted to move too but the grip he had on you was too tight for you to do anything. He takes his hand off of your mouth to watch your face drown in pleasure. He looks damn good like this. His hair was such a mess and was so concentrated on you. 

You’re stuffed to the hilt and his hips move in short, powerful thrusts, hitting that spot inside you that can make you come on his command. You can’t stay quiet. He was killing you and he knew it. His hips were unrelenting and driving into you like he had never had you before. You tilt his head to the side and sink your teeth into his neck, muffling the scream he’s made you produce. He groans softly at your actions, finding it all amusing that he’s made you such a mess. 

“Doing so good baby girl. You like how deep my cock is?” He groans in your ear. You dig your nails into his back, unable to handle what just uttered from his lips. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” he chuckles. 

Each movement of his hips made you hold back loud moans you couldn’t help but make. You were biting down hard enough on his neck to draw blood and let the delicious taste of him coat your tongue. You slowly drink his blood and feel your orgasm looming. 

You take your fangs out of him and press your head to the wall, writhing in agony. You watch Elvis’ face smugly look at you and enjoy every second of this. You were so close to finishing, you felt your body become weaker and weaker with every thrust of his hips. Your ears suddenly pick up the sound of footsteps walking in your direction backstage. Your whole body freezes, petrified of someone walking by. 

“EP, you back here?” A man’s voice calls out. 

You look at Elvis terrified, you want to run away as fast as you can. He doesn’t let you budge though. He shakes his head at you and continues to hold you tight. 

“I could have sworn I saw him go back here,” another man said. You recognize it’s Jerry. Damn it, no. You claw at Elvis’ arms, begging him to stop. He moves slowly but it is still so agonizing and a small whimper escapes your lips. His eyes flash a warning at you and proceeds to put two fingers to your lips. 

“Shhh…Open those pretty lips baby,” he whispered. You helplessly do as he asks and he pushes his fingers into your mouth. 

“Suck baby and be quiet,” he says, his voice low and gruff. You eagerly do so and swirl your tongue around his long fingers. His face looks intoxicated from what he is seeing you do. You slowly suck on them, liking to see his reaction to this act. His eyes don’t leave you for even a second.

“Fuck, just like that honey,” he praises. His hips drive into you harder and your eyes roll back, feeling yourself about to come undone. He was unrelenting and on a pursuit to make you come regardless if people were walking around backstage.

He pushes his fingers further into your mouth and stuffs you to the brink with his cock. You come hard and your walls squeeze around the base of his cock. You see fireworks behind your closed eyelids and your whole body shudders. He can’t hide how good you feel around him and his jaw drops when he feels you come. He can’t hold on much longer either and burrows his face in your neck, hiding his own muffled groans. 

“Goddamn baby,” he growls. He thrusts his hips into you once, then twice and you feel his length twitch inside you. He pours his warm, thick load inside of you and groans into the crook of your neck. You gasp for air and your walls squeeze around him again, loving to hear how good he feels. He moves in and out of you slowly, making you both writhe because of how sensitive you are. 

He lifts his head up to see your spent expression on your face. He takes his fingers out of your mouth and goes to kiss you. It was passionate and sloppy and you loved it. You moan into his mouth and pull at his wet hair. You look into his beautiful eyes and see how he can’t get enough of you. He gently takes his cock out of you and sets you back on the ground. Your legs feel weak and cling to his body as you try to regain your normal breathing. 

He kisses the top of your head and makes a soft chuckle.

“You alright lil’ darlin’?” He asks coyly.

You look up at him with a mischievous glimmer in your eye. “Yes Daddy,” you say defiantly. Your hand wraps around his length and you slowly rub his head. You knew he’d be too sensitive to handle this and smirk to yourself. His hips buck into your hand and his face is shrouded in agony.

“Woman I swear to God-,” he growls. You stop briefly and hum softly.

“What baby? I'm being good, I swear,” you tease.

You pull down your dress and start to walk away from him with a smug smile on your face. You knew you got under his skin and you were amused by it all. You don’t make it very far backstage before you feel Elvis pick you up and throw you over his shoulder.

“Elvis!” You yelp. He chuckles low and makes quick strides to exit the backstage and into the elevator. He swiftly sets you down and presses the button for the penthouse. He smirks at you and takes your face in his hands as the elevator lurches up.

“It’s going to be a long night mama,” he murmurs, placing a kiss on your lips.

*

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Tagging:

@neptuneismysister @velvetelvis @ccab @presleyenterprise @theresalwaysep

@prompted-wordsmith @sillybookmarks @dkayfixates @ellie-24 @rktismylife-blog

@myradiaz @tacozebra051

@thatbanditqueen

@flwrs4aust @emma181873

@austinswhitewolf @eliseinmemphis

@everythingelvispresley @chasingwildflowers @idontwanttoputanything. @ohjustpeachy_

@elvisalltheway101 @austinsmutler @kingdomforapony.

@generoustreemystic @claire-elvisgirl

@ashtag6887 @burnthheparaphilia @richardslady121

@jaqueline19997

@returntopresley. @iloveelvis @rimartin11@that-hotdog.

@louisejoy86 @misspresley @cattcb @annapresley8

@arrolyn1114 @raginginkedslut @epthedream69

@mh777ep1938

@50sexyshadesfashionista

@oldhOllywOod @hooked-on-elvis @livelovedilfs @sloppiest-of-jos

[goldensunset]

i think one of the biggest reasons khux has such a devoted following is bc it was released in staggered episodes over a series of several years as opposed to being an all-at-once thing. granted even people like me who came in after the whole thing was over and binged it all at once can and have fallen in love with it too but the massive amount of love and energy in the fandom that’s been around since the start has played such a huge role in that so it really creates a ricochet effect there

like just in general stories released gradually over time, promising just a little at a time, are perfect grounds for fandom culture to grow. people are more likely to focus in on individual scenes, whether big or small, instead of their mind only lingering on the big plot twist or finale etc, bc every little crumb is a feast when you’ve been hungry for a while. and the more time people spend engaging with the little things they more fall in love with the work as a whole. people make theories and comics and analyses etc while waiting, and those fanworks attract new people to the fandom. like genuinely fandoms are better advertisers than anything official sources could ever put out. when a thing is fresh in people’s minds and they’re hungry for more, and they know they can actually count on getting more, they get infinitely more excited

with most video games being an all at once (maybe twice) thing, which is understandable, and with more and more tv shows adopting the practice of dropping entire seasons at once, you don’t see this kind of delayed gratification in media delivery as often anymore. like everything has become instant and fleeting and people are very unlikely to let something marinate in their mind and process their thoughts when the next installment is right there already and they can get the answer right away

in the context of kingdom hearts specifically khux is so far the only one to do this kind of thing. khdr could have done that but it didn’t give most people enough to really latch onto right off the bat before going into a long hiatus, and then it dropped everything afterwards. imagine the theories and analyses and works we could’ve had after each episode running on limited context! i just hope khml does this right. like if it maintains steady updates, maybe like one new episode every month or two over a couple years, it has the potential to be even more beloved than it already is

[sunshine-jesse]

Ashley Literally Did Nothing Wrong, Fuck You, Fight Me

Alt title: Ashley Graves: The most convenient scapegoat in the world

I'm going to espouse a take here that will no doubt be controversial, as you can tell by the title. This is a take I've created from my hollistic understanding of the events of the game, and isn't dependent on any one single point I make in this essay. Because of that, I want you to read it with an open mind; if you hyperfocus on one or two smaller details I might've gotten wrong or are fallaciously interpretated, and either use that to discount the whole essay or go into the comment section and immediately try to debunk my interpretation of that event, that'll make it obvious to me that you're not trying to seriously engage with the core of what I'm trying to say. Because unless quite literally everything I've said here is wrong, I feel confident in saying this:

Ashley Graves did nothing wrong.

Moreover, I think Ashley is on the level of people like Rossiu, Shinji Ikari, and Skylar White as far as people who are mistreated by their fandoms goes.

At first this was going to be an essay about how I don't think the demons are evil, using textual and thematic evidence to show that they're just part of a system that deals mostly fairly with humans and doesn't have any nefarious plans, or at least nefarious plans that stand to fuck anyone over. But then I realized that, goodness gracious, that is boring as shit to write! But I looked at what I had written already and realized that I could write something else with it: something better. I could sum up a lot of the points made in my prior essays and elaborate upon them in much more detail, showing why I think certain themes are obviously present within this game. And here, I intend on doing that.

I've spoken a lot before about how Ashley is a scapegoat for all of Andrew's worst habits; and to a lesser extent, her mother's. The game makes it seemingly obvious that she's the bad one, and generally just a Very Not Good person. It shows her and her brother committing many different acts that are, under most moral systems, wrong, and implicitly implies that she's the reason that Andrew ever did those things. It implies that she's corrupting him, that he could be better and refuses- or is unable to- due to her poking and prodding. But… is that the truth? Is that how their relationship actually works, in practice? I don't believe so. I think I've made it obvious by now that I believe the exact opposite!

I'm going to start off by tackling the morality behind their actions, especially relative to the world they're in. Specifically, I'm going to tackle how the game presents the morality of their actions from a thematic point of view, and any statements it may or may not make.

First of all, TCOAL plays with a lot of different taboos- demon summoning, cannibalism, incest, murder- but the game goes through great lengths to muddy the moral weight of the siblings' actions. Every single action they commit is portrayed in the most neutral possible light- killings were done in self defense (with one notable exception), or done to people who greatly wronged them, cannibalism was a necessity to survive (also with one notable exception), incest is shown to come from a marked improvement in their relationship- leading me to believe that this game is taking a hard morally nihilistic stance. Else, they'd be shown to suffer for their actions, when in reality, the literal exact opposite is happening; they are being rewarded for it. This isn't necessarily glorifying the actions, but instead showing that even the worst of actions can potentially be excused, but whether or not you do is up to the reader. Hence, nihilism, or at the very least, skepticism (as noted by Lisafication). There's an existentialist reading of this too, but I think much of that is contingent on the events of chapter 3 so I won't get into that here.

It contrasts this mostly nihilistic perspective on interpersonal taboos with the deep societal ills that drive people to commit such actions. Evil exists at every level of analysis here, but curiously, the only thing that are shown to do direct harm to others without having a justification of some kind- be it self-defense or retaliation- are those societal ills. There is no (morally) good reason to quarantine people, starve them, and harvest their organs. There's no good reason to burn all evidence and then put a hit on the ones who did escape. There's no good reason to extort sexual favors from someone in exchange for food. These are deep structural problems that force people to either retaliate/lash out or enable people's most exploitative or abusive habits lest they just let themselves die.

And thus, the obvious evils become much less obvious. The game makes a point of subverting the obvious or the well-known when it comes to morals, and I think it does so when it comes to everything else, too. Outside of those societal ills (so far, ch3 might have something else to say), every situation where someone could obviously be shown as the bad person in a situation is immensely more complex than it first appears. So much so that I'd argue that displaying said complexity and subverting simplicity to force/encourage people to analyze things deeper is one of the central themes of the game.

So why, exactly, does he blame so much on her? It's because Ashley is the world's most convenient scapegoat, and the game is well-aware of this and displays it in ways both obvious and not.

First off: the title screen has Ashley wielding the cleaver, establishing that she’s the violent one. It's covered in blood, too, implying that she's the one more driven to kill. The reality of this is the opposite; Andrew is the one with less hesitation to inflict violence on others, the cleaver is his weapon, and most of the kills in the story are done by him (and fully justified). Ashley might push him to do these violent acts, but… does she?

Her reaction to the death of the first warden is one of utter shock.

And her expression afterwards?

This is not the look of someone who enjoyed the fact that someone killed for her sake. This is not the look of someone who finds joy to be had in violence. It's not even the look of someone who is apathetic towards violence. It almost seems to express shame or guilt, but at the very least, she's timid over it. At the very least, it's an "oh shit, he actually had to do that for my sake" face. Not a "haha, I am making him worse!" face.

Not to mention, not only does Andrew kill the first Warden without a care in the world, he proactively kills the 302 lady to eliminate all witnesses, and because he believes Ashley would want him to. But Ashley actually grills him for it; she didn't want the 302 lady to die, although she hardly had good-person-reasons for it. But that's not my point. The point is that she is not the violent one between the two of them.

The door doesn't open in response to violence, remember?

The game intentionally misleads us.

And what happens when Ashley tries to make him take responsibility for all this violence? To point out that she didn't force him to do anything and that he chose to do all of it, including lock Nina in the box? She lashes out, hits him a few times… and then he goes to strangle her, and doesn't let go until she acknowledges that he has no reason for her to be around. He literally doesn't cease his threat to her life until she acknowledges she's useless to him.

I acknowledge that this isn't the most charitable framing for Andrew, and maybe too charitable for Ashley. After all, she wasn't indignant. She was mocking him. She found it hilarious. But I have reasons for that charitability that I'll go over towards the end. But even with that charitability in mind, I don't think my reading is too off base. Defaulting to laughter or mocking in stressful situations is just what Ashley does. She's not indignant about it; she just finds it hilarious that people keep pretending to be better than her, when they're not.

Andrew killed the 302 lady and used Ashley as a scapegoat to justify it; this is indisputable, stated in the text during the dream. This alone validates Ashley's point of view. There is no interpretation of this event that doesn't paint Andrew as every bit as unscrupulous as Ashley, and thinking she corrupted him into this- when it was both one of the first actions he did on his own in the story and something he explicitly uses Ashley as a scapegoat for- is just ridiculous. It's frankly unreasonable. She has every right to be sick of being used as a scapegoat. And at the very least, whether or not you accept the idea that Andrew only let Ashley go once she acknowledged that she's useless to him, he's still so taken aback by his misinterpretation of Ashley's desires that HE goes to strangle HER.

This is NOT Andrew triumphantly standing up to his abuser. This is both of their masks slipping; Andrew revealing how violent and insistent on keeping up his internal narrative that he is, and Ashley revealing that she's getting tired of being blamed for everything.

And then, when he finally lets her go… she hugs him, and acknowledges that she's happy that Nina is gone, which makes little sense at the face of it. Why would that be her first response to being let go, when it was ostensibly what made Andrew so upset to begin with?

I think, to her, it's a conciliatory gesture. As chapter 2 showed us, she's more than willing to take responsibility for violence to relieve Andrew of stress over it, as evidenced by her finishing off their parents. This is an earlier instance of that; by acknowledging she was happy that Nina was dead, she took responsibility for it. She willingly framed herself as a bad person here, so Andrew wouldn't have to be.

She let herself be the scapegoat, because it's all she ever knew. She put the mask back on.

This alone is enough to challenge the idea that Ashley 'corrupts' Andrew in any meaningful way. How, exactly, can you define it as corrupt when society itself is twisted enough to force these actions to survive? In a more sane world, a lot of their actions would've been bad, sure, but they're also actions that the siblings probably wouldn't have done in a more sane world. Ashley's actions aren't making Andrew worse, they're helping to ensure their survival. You could say that this is still corruptive in its own way, but at that point it seems like your reasoning is motivated by having already had that narrative rather than making a good-faith reading of their dynamic.

At no point did she actually make him worse; he was already like that and just used her as an excuse.

Next up is the Nina situation. This one is obviously cut and dry- Ashley manipulates Andrew into killing Nina because she wants no competition between the two of them. It's not Andrew's fault and Ashley was an evil abuser from the jump. Obvious, right?

No. It's really not.

It's pretty strongly implied that Ashley was mistreated by people her whole life. The Lemon Cupcake scene shows this in more detail, about how people always neglect or ignore her birthdays, but she also says that nobody likes her because she's weird and loud in the Nina flashback too. But unless something big happened in between the two flashbacks, none of this behavior indicates particularly maladaptive or even strange tendencies on Ashley's part. She's a needy, bratty child, and the closest thing to a friend she has- Nina- wants to take away the one thing from her that's a source of comfort and emotional validation.

It's not entirely rational, sure! But it also -makes perfect sense-. NOBODY treated her well throughout her entire life; it's strongly implied that Nina never did either, given Nina's reaction to Ashley being there and the lower left-hand painting past the Questionable door showing her being distant from the two of them. We can also see a star bouncing off of her head, and stars represent closeness in this game, so it shows there was an attempt made somewhere along the line, it's just not clear as to who made the attempt.

At the very least, Nina's reaction of disappointment fed into Ashley's preconceived notions of how people treat her, and how she deserves to be treated. Although, from what has been directly stated, rather than implied, Nina was nothing more than an innocent victim in this scenario; I don't mean to take that away from her.

"But she didn't care when Nina died?"

So? If Nina treated her like trash for most of her life, why should she care? She didn't expect Nina to die. It was just an acceptable consequence. You can say "That's not how normal kids act!" all you want, but there's a level of spite and apathy that comes with intense bullying and emotional neglect that I don't think you really understand unless you've been there to the extent someone like Ashley has implied to be.

Andrew, meanwhile, was the one who told Ashley that they had to lock Nina in the box to keep them in there. He's the one who looked for and found the stick to keep them locked in. You could say he was coerced by an abusive person into hurting someone, sure, but you'd be wrong. Cataclysmically wrong, even. Like, if you actually think that a seven year old girl (nobody wears overalls past the age of seven) can have anything approximating an abusive dynamic with her as the perpetrator with someone both older and stronger than her, you frankly have some issues with women you need to work out. That's simply not how abuse dynamics work at that age.

Andrew wasn't entirely responsible for it either, mind- he was just a kid who should never have been saddled with this kind of responsibility. But that's not my point; the point is that it enables other people, Andrew included, to use her as a scapegoat to avoid his own responsibility. All this scene does is retroactively justify any preconceptions you might've had about them from seeing their adult selves first. But the moment you start digging, it becomes much less obvious who's really culpable here. Andrew was, as evidenced by the blood oath scene, fully aware that he held the advantage over her in strength, and managed to give up nothing when making the oath while he made Ashley swear to silence. He was fully aware that he could've chosen to do better, but he refused, and instead opted to reinforce Ashley's insecurities for the sake of exerting control over her.

I've said before that the 302 lady was murdered without any input from Ashley, but this is also relevant on a meta-level because it's done without any input from the player, either. Both of the murders in chapter 1 were like that, whereas all that we, the player can choose to do in that chapter is either solve puzzles, or hilariously, die. The only person with control here is Andrew, the character, and this is reinforced by the fact that we have no control over him for much of the Nina flashback, too. He locks her in the box regardless of our input, even though Ashley spends a lot of time trying to convince him. The main difference between the Nina flashback and the scenes in the apartment is that Ashley had absolutely no idea that any of that was going to happen in the present, whereas it's something she wanted with Nina- which isn't that big of a difference when discussing how much agency she really has.

As much as the game frames Ashley as a manipulator- and much of the fanbase uncritically accepts- she is given shockingly little in-game control over many of the actions committed. Even in the case of the Hitman- as a good friend of mine pointed out- the only choice the player is given is whether or not to check the closet and be killed; an impulsive decision leading to a swift and unceremonious end. In the end, Andrew is the one given the choice to kill the hitman, and we can consciously choose whether or not his reaction is panicked or measured. No such choice is given to Ashley, as most of her reactions are impulsive and spontaneous rather than planned. This is not the makings of a standard "manipulative evil bitch" trope. She's pretty consistently portrayed as someone with poor impulse and emotional control who loudly and aggressively states her intent in every single scenario she's in.

And you can still call what she says and does manipulative despite that, sure, but at what point are you just pathologizing relatively normal (if extreme and highly emotional) social interactions for the sake of fitting into a narrative you already held?

We see Ashley's status as a scapegoat for people to use to pretend to be normal reach its most blatant with the parents. This time it's pretty cut and dry to anyone that doesn't already have it in their mind that Ashley is evil and unforgivable. Mrs. Graves explicitly brings up the possibility of a normal life without Ashley to Andrew in the basement, and claims that Ashley was at fault for shutting her out. She would've been a normal parent otherwise, right? Well, no; the game wastes no time in showing that this wasn't the case in the Burial ending.

From when Ashley was a baby, Mrs. Graves was already tired of her shit, and too emotionally exhausted to be a parent. Despite her attempts at blaming Ashley, she would've never been a normal parent unless Ashley was a golden child in the same way that Andrew was. And yet Ashley didn't even deny shutting her mom out. She didn't deny the chance to be used as a scapegoat; it was all she ever knew. The fact that Mrs. Graves had the audacity to claim that she was a saint when she was never prepared to be a parent for a child who didn't make it easy, and when she was willing to sell out her children and let them die for a life insurance payment is absolutely astounding.

This alone should've been enough to recontextualize everything we supposedly know about how responsible Ashley really is in all of this, but bad parents have a knack for being great at manipulating both family members and everyone viewing from the outside, including the people playing the game.

And almost including Andrew.

Andrew almost accepting the mom's offer is the single most tragic moment in the game, by far.

Dandy said it best in his video essay: By Ashley leaving Andrew alone with their parents, she showed that she is capable of changing. That she is capable of getting better. She showed that she loves and respects Andrew enough to be able to put aside her usual role as the scapegoat and allow him to make the decision that was for the best for both of them. And make no mistake, it was for the best; if the mom really DID sell out the siblings, and given the two of them were already on the run for supposedly being dead, there was no hope of any of this ever working out. They saw through the conspiracy and knew the truth of how the quarantine operations really worked. They were an active threat to one of the most powerful entities seen in the setting so far, to the point where they had a hitman sent after them.

Mrs. Graves had every reason to sell them out again, for their presence in a public setting was more than enough to put everyone in their family in danger. Mrs. Graves had every reason to believe that the normalcy she wanted was nothing that could ever be grasped again so long as her children were alive, and as such, it was clear that she had nothing to offer either Andrew or Ashley. Ashley trusted Andrew to see through their obvious manipulations and lies, and understand that the parents had nothing left to give them. She trusted him to love her more than the false promises their parents could give.

…And yet. In spite of it all.

In spite of her love, in spite of clearly displaying that she can grow up and become a person that causes him less stress, and in spite of Ashley showing that all she wants now is their safety and security…

Andrew can still choose to consider Ashley the problem. He can still choose to use her as the scapegoat he always has.

He can still choose to see her as the one thing that caused him to be this way, that stands in between him and normalcy, when she, not once, forced him to do anything.

Were he to accept Mrs. Graves' offer, this would've been the single most tragic moment in the game. It almost was, and still stands to be, because he ignores every indication that things could be better for the sake of his own narrative, and a narrative echoed by much of the fandom.

But no matter what ending was picked, things could be better. They could've been better all along. Compared to chapter 1, their dynamic in chapter 2 is already much healthier. Their banter is less venomous, and while they still poke and prod each other in ways that aren't exactly great, they don't get into the same violent fights we saw in the 302 room. By all accounts, what happened in that room was an outlier. Even when they find themselves in their parents' house, where they stand to do the One Thing That Means They Would Never Be Normal Again, Ever (ignoring the fact that this is already a lost cause by then), Ashley doesn't get into any fights with Andrew in the same way she did back in the apartment. All she wants is affirmation and security. She doesn't even lay into her mom like she lays into Julia over the phone, even in their private conversations.

We’re led to believe that she’s still getting worse because the actions she’s taking are more extreme, but her attitudes and behaviors are much, much different. The actual actions they're taking are so obviously the right thing to do (both morally and practically) that I don't think it's until they eat their parents that you should make a double take and go "Wow, maybe these goblins actually are kinda fucked up," because until then, well… everything is justified! Perfectly so! Even then, eating their parents serves a purpose, even if not a mentally healthy one.

Maybe she’s calmer because she’s in control over the situation, but if the calls she made to Julia are any indication (independent of the theory that she didn’t actually say those things), were she unchanged as a person, she still would’ve lashed out at their mother over how much more useful she is to Andrew than their parents were, or something of that nature. Something about how nothing their mom offers could compete with what Ashley gives. But she makes no such claims. She feels no need to prove anything to her parents, or to reaffirm her place in Andrew’s life even in the face of her mother challenging it (or at least implying such a challenge). Regardless of her insecurities, she’s changed. It’s hard to see, but she has.

And then Andrew can ignore that and consider betraying her because he refuses to believe that she's willing to make their dynamic work, when she shows many different indications of being willing to concede as long as Andrew stops giving her mixed signals.

A friend of mine put it best, and I'm pretty much quoting her word for word here, because of how strongly I agree with it. When I look at Ashley, I find very few actual "flaws." I see familiar wounds.

The Burial ending, despite being triumphant and not nearly as "dark" as some people think, is still very, very sad. A lot of abusive dynamics are characterized by someone having to fight every step of the way to get what they need from the other person, usually some kind of emotional validation or relief. This is what happens between Andrew and Ashley for most of the game: Ashley wants Andrew to treat their relationship as special, to acknowledge there's something to it beyond just him going through the motions. And yet for most of the game, he refuses to, especially in chapter 1. And then, in Burial, when he does…

She's confused.

A lot of people view this as her being afraid of losing control over Andrew, since her "Andy," who she can push around, is gone. Andrew has changed, and the same tricks wouldn't work. But that's not what that is; it's not about control, it's about her finally getting what she wants from him without having to fight. She still thinks about using sex as leverage to keep him around, but that's because she's never understood what it's like to have someone actually want to be around her. And I speak from experience; when you no longer have to fight for every little bit of emotional validation or relief, when you no longer have to keep checking your messages to keep an argument going so you can finally be proven right, when you no longer have to force yourself to let go, to stop engaging, the reaction isn't happiness. It's not relief.

It's confusion. It's discontent.

Because something you've tied so much of yourself up in to is no longer there, despite it being more peaceful, it still feels wrong. The dynamic still has to be this way in your mind, because you've never known anything else. You latch on to whatever you can in order to justify that, and your actions are still heavily biased in favor of maintaining your place in that nonexistent dynamic. This isn't manipulation; it's trauma. And the fact that Ashley almost immediately understands that Andrew is changing is nothing short of a miracle. By consolidating past and present Andrew into a single person rather than splitting them into two, she showing that she can actually heal from that trauma. And all Andrew had to do to enable this is to acknowledge that she CAN change, that things CAN be better, and that everyone who claims to be better than her is full of shit.

I've analyzed the events of the story in a way that may seem needlessly antagonistic to some characters, and overly charitable to others. But I have to ask you, that if you disagree with anything I've said:

Where does that disagreement come from? What about my narrative clashes with your own? -Why- does it clash? Is it because the game presents your interpretation as obvious, whereas mine is not? Is it because you've experienced someone like Ashley before in your life, and you know it when you see it? Maybe you strongly identify with Andrew, and view his status as a doormat with no agency to be obvious? Or did you just accept the narrative that much of the fanbase has taken at face value, without further analysis other than building on top of it?

I don't believe these things to be contrarian; I've held most of these opinions since my first or second playthrough. I don't believe what I do because you don't, I believe what I do because I understand what Ashley has been through. I've experienced a lot of the specific traumas she had, such as deep feelings of isolation and being deprived of the emotional validation I need from the people who need to give it. I know what it's like to be misunderstood, to have who and what I am taken for granted, and to be terrified of being abandoned by the people I need the most. I see what I do because I understand.

And I want to give her that understanding that nobody gave me.

Maybe you should think about it. Why do you take it for granted that Andrew is a doormat who is strung along by Ashley? Why do you find it so odd when the trope of a woman corrupting a good man through leveraging sex is drawn into question? Why is Ashley seen as crazy, when all of her actions are so straightforward and rational? How is she corrupting him, when the single most needlessly violent act in the whole story- outside of the Nina flashback- is done without her influence? Why is Ashley seen as the abusive one when Andrew both threatens and resorts to physical violence and witholds emotional validation?

Weirdly personal tangent aside, Ashley and Andrew are two of the most well-written characters I have ever seen. They're not written like archetypes who interact with each other through a series of tropes; they're written like real people who's words and actions have astoundingly human motivations. They come from places that we can understand and relate to.

And just like people, they deserve respect. In spite of all they've done, they deserve love.

But make no mistake, Ashley is not the one stopping that love from happening. She just has the audacity to still want it in spite of everything telling her that she doesn't deserve it. We're led to believe she wants too much, but all she ever wanted was the bare minimum that she was never given.

And she has every right to be mad about it.

[marvelslut16]

Plus One

Prompt number: 11 "Well that worked out great

Fandom: Stranger Things

Pairing: Robin Buckley x reader (modern au)

Rating: T(een)

Word count: 2.1k+

Warnings: Swearing probably. Homophobia. Hints of internalized homophobia. My bad writing. A rushed ending, I fear.

A/N: heh like pretty much everything I write this is loosely based off an experience I had. I came out to my cousin when I was 14 and was dating my ex girlfriend. She repeatedly asked me if I was sure I wanted to be with a girl and told me that I was just confused. She got engaged right before I started working on this, so it was cathartic to write, and it's been sitting in my wip's ever since so I figured I would finish it.

The invitation you received in the mail came as a surprise to you, and you’ve been livid in the moments since opening it. Your cousin Leslie, who is a few years older than you, is getting married, and you’d be happier for her if she wasn’t marrying her long time friend Adriana. Rereading the invitation for what feels like the one hundredth time, you’re hit with a painful flashback to highschool when you actually trusted Leslie. Trusted her so much that you came out to her. 

“Les, can I tell you something?” you fiddle with the strap of your purse as you await her response.  

“You’re not pregnant, are you?” her eyes widen and flick down to your stomach. 

“No, but now I’m getting rid of this shirt,” you sigh, flicking the hem of your brand new top. “It’s nothing like that, I just want to talk to someone about my crush. I’m too nervous to tell Robin or Steve about it, I’m not sure if they’ll support it.”

“Well who is he then?” Leslie perks up, excited that you’re actually getting out there. 

“She,” you whisper. You trust your cousin Leslie more than pretty much anyone else in your life, you’ve always felt comfortable opening up to her, the only person in your family you trust enough. “She’s drop dead gorgeous, she’s a little weird, and she-”

“It’s a girl?’ Leslie cuts you off, and that’s when you notice her expression. It’s somewhere between confusion and...disgust? “I thought you used to like Steve.”

“Yeah, in like third grade,” you laugh awkwardly, wanting nothing more than to rewind time to before you ever started this conversation. “Every girl did, and I only said I liked him to fit in.”

“(Y/N/N), let’s not be rash, you don’t really like this girl,” she puts her hand up to stop you when you open your mouth to defend yourself and your feelings. “I know you (Y/N), you love guys, you’re just confused.”

No matter how hard you tried to convince Leslie that night that you’re interested in girls, she wouldn’t accept it. From that day on you no longer trusted her, nor did you voluntarily talk to her nor her boyfriend of over five years, and he was practically your cousin at that point too. But what you do do, is push down your feelings for girls for years, and you date Eddie up until graduation even though you don’t have any interest in him, just to be normal.

“What’s wrong honey?” Robin’s voice drips of concern when she notices that you’re near tears staring down at a letter. All the hurt and anger you felt for and from Leslie for years comes rushing to the surface in the form of tears. 

You don’t know how to respond, your brain can’t seem to formulate any words at the moment, so you thrust the invitation into Robin’s hand. The confusion is so clearly written on her face, she can’t figure out why a simple wedding invitation can bring you, someone who hasn’t really shown vulnerable emotions in years, close to tears. 

“Your cousin, right?” Robin met her once years ago at a birthday party you had, back when you were young and you thought it was normal to want to marry your female best friend one day. “Do you not like her girlfriend or something?” 

“Yeah, I don’t like that she’s a girl,” your brain is going a mile a minute, and the look of hurt that crosses Robin’s face is proof that your mouth is working faster than your brain. “Wait, that didn’t come out right.”

“Yeah,” the brunette crosses her arms and takes a step back. “It came out homophobic.”

“She’s the reason I’m still in the closet,” you blurt out while tears start to cascade down your cheeks. “And now she’s marrying her best friend like it’s nothing, that what she said to me was nothing.”

“Wait, you’re-”

“I’m a lesbian, Robin, the only other person I’ve told was Leslie. She belittled me, she acted like I didn’t know what I was feeling, she made me feel like something was wrong with me. She spent hours telling me I was confused, and that I was really into boys. She pushed me back into the closet. She’s the reason I ever dated Eddie!”

“You like girls?” Robin asks again like she’s short circuiting at the information. 

“Yes! I don’t see why this is such a big deal to you, you’re the one that went out with two different women this month,” your angry tears are really starting to bubble up and you’re scared that you’re going to start sobbing if Robin doesn’t just drop it. 

“It’s just a lot to process,” she defends herself. She’s probably right, it probably is a lot for her to handle, finding out that her best friend is a lesbian just like her, when you had endless opportunities to tell her knowing that she would support you. “I can’t believe you never told me.”

“I’m going to my room,” you huff, spinning on your heels and stomping down the hall towards the bedrooms. Robin tries to catch your arm and keep you in place, but you dodge her hand at the last second and book it to your room. 

Flopping face first on your bed the tears start streaming down your face, you’re confused and that just upsets you more. Obviously, you want to be happy for your cousin and support her in her relationship; but at the same time you’re angry that the entire time she belittled you and made you feel worthless, she liked women too. 

“Honey,” Robin pops her head in your room a few minutes later. “Please talk to me.” She lays down on your bed next to you. 

“And say what?” you turn your head to peek out at her. 

“Let’s start with something simple, when did you know?” She rubs your back soothingly, trying to calm your tears. 

“When I was a kid; I went to a wedding when I was around ten and I started to imagine my wedding one day, and in this fantasy I was marrying a woman.”

“Why did you decide to tell your cousin?” Robin continues her line of questioning. 

“Because I trusted her then,” you shift onto your side and hide your face in Robin’s shoulder. “And I was pretty much in love with someone back then and I wanted to talk about it and I had no one to talk to, because you were still in the closet then and I was scared that you would judge me, or be disgusted by me, or hate me. I just wanted to get it all off my chest and ask for advice, but all I got was judgment from my cousin that was supposed to love me. We were close back then, and she ruined it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Robin wraps her arm around your waist and pulls you close when you start to pull away at the question. 

“Because I was scared, I didn’t know how to let someone in like I tried with Leslie. She was so disgusted that I felt disgusted with who I am. But, God, Robin, I’ve been keeping it in for so long. It hurt so much.”

“Oh honey,” she runs her hand over your hair, and you lay in her arms crying for what feels like hours. 

“Your invitation says you get a plus one,” Robin breaks the silence an hour and a half later. You lift your head from its place on her chest to make squinty confused eye contact. 

“Yeeeessss?” you’re trying to figure out what she’s getting at.

“I’ll go as your plus one,” she says like it’s the most obvious answer. “We can pretend that we’re dating and happy and stick it to her. Once she sees you happily with a woman I think you’ll probably feel better and be able to get over how she made you feel. You’ll be able to be authentically you once you do this.”

“You might be right,” you cuddle into Robin’s side again, clinging onto her. You may not be fake dating her yet, but you’ll enjoy any close proximity that you can until the wedding is over.

The next few months come and go with you and Robin coming up with things to say and little touches that you can do at the wedding to get Leslie to notice that you’re more than just friends. And you’ll admit to yourself, and only yourself, that you like all of the practicing of the touches. 

“Is that Robin?” Leslie asks at her reception, shocked that the little lanky brunette that followed you around when you were a kid is all grown up.

“Yeah it is,” you smile at Robin, casually entwining your fingers with hers. Your heart is pounding in your chest, your brain knows this was part of the plan, but your heart isn’t on the same page. 

“You guys are together?” Leslie asks slowly, like it’s the hardest thing for her to fathom. 

“We are,” Robin speaks up, lifting your entwined hands to her lips and delicately places a kiss on yours. Gone is the anxious timid girl, and in her place is this confident woman who's smirking at you. 

“Sharing an apartment made us realize that there was more here than just our friendship.” you give Robin a sly once over, once again appreciating how she looks in her pantsuit. 

You can see Leslie’s face twist, you aren’t close enough to her anymore to understand what the look means. But you do know that it doesn’t seem positive. Luckily, you’re saved by Leslie’s new wife calling her over to see her new in-laws.

Four hours and just as many drinks later, you're going back up to the bar to grab your fifth when Leslie corners you.

“Why are you with Robin?” Leslie asks, pulling you into a literal corner. 

“Why not?” you glare back at her, not understanding why she keeps this fucking going. 

“Why are you dating a woman?” she asks again, ironically sounding more and more homophobic with every interaction, at her own lesbian wedding.

“Why am I dating a woman? Because I’m a lesbian. Why am I with Robin? Because I’ve been in love with her since we were kids, Leslie!” You whisper shout, not wanting to draw attention from your family. “I tried telling you that years ago, and you shamed me. This is your wedding, you’re supposed to be celebrating your love, not trying to argue with me about my sexuality again.”

“Are you okay?” Robin asks, coming up next to you and wrapping her arm around your waist, glaring at Leslie.  

“We’re fine,” you turn in her hold, and wrap your arms around her neck. “I was just about to come find you and see if you wanted to dance.”

“I thought you’d never ask,” with one last glare at Leslie, Robin yanks you to the center of the busy dance floor. 

You’re holding each other close and swaying to the music, it feels like a dream. If only you had just become Mrs. Buckley, then it would be just like the dream you had when you were ten. 

“So you’ve been in love with me for years?” she finally whispers, you had hoped that she hadn’t heard that. 

“Maybe,” you whisper, not daring to pull away from her and look at her face. So long as you don’t look at her, you can imagine that she’s happy about this revelation. 

“Well I hope you have been, and still are, because I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember.” This time you do pull away, you want to see the sincerity on her face, want to know in your heart and soul that she really means it. “Living with you has been torture! You’re always running around in those oversized tees and those skimpy little shorts that are practically just underwear. It’s been next to impossible not to do anything.”  

“Maybe I wanted you to take notice and do something,” You giggle. 

And do something she does, she pulls you in for a heated kiss. Your teeth clack with how fast she pulls you in, but you can’t be bothered to care. In fact, you realize it’s a perfect first kiss, so much pent up emotion and feelings that you can’t be apart for one second longer. Pain and consequences be damned, you’ve finally got your girl. 

“Well, that worked out great, I should have fake dated you sooner,” a breathless Robin mutters, and you can’t help but giggle at her reaction to your first kiss. She starts laughing too, and you can’t wait anymore and pull her into another kiss. 

[nostalgink]

Due to some past trauma from previous fandoms, I'm not particularly one to engage in fandom related discourse anymore, but when you not only name-drop me, but continue to perpetuate lies about not only me, but also my friends.... that's when I'd rather "clear my name" than allow for a nasty rumor to circulate when I know it's out there.

I want to go through everything that went down in order as best as possible. Even though I’ve spent so much time on this receipt post, truly this issue was something very small, the root of the issue lies with CookieRuby herself, given she decided to continue to create and perpetuate lies and rumors about myself and others. I know she will most likely continue to make up whatever she wants to have happened to obtain pity from those who do not know the context, but I thought that if she was going to do so regardless, I might as well let everyone know mine and my friends’ side of things. Because sadly I got some very worried and confused messages wondering if the statements were truthful. Hopefully this reassures most that they are in fact not.

I also would like to say while I am deeply upset that someone would lie about me like this and continue to emotionally manipulate, then double down on it all… I still do want to say that if you know people who act as such to please help them get the help they need. The timeline of this basically showcases us interacting at 3 points ever, but its obvious in her own obsessive world she has created, it has been brewing with her much longer. Which all of this is genuinely concerning and I hope she gets help. Despite my anger.

In the beginning

I believe I knew about them prior to them joining the old Darkwing Duck RP server I used to be active in back in 2022. If you know me, I follow practically every artist in the fandom. Especially as the fandom loses traction and there are less and less of us actively creating works. So naturally I followed. I even found her oc interesting. I mean why wouldn’t I? Magentus, while more of an oc now than he was in the past, at the end of the day still is my sona so to speak. I love seeing others put themselves into their own work in their own ways. Unfortunately once I got to know them, their attitude towards others when it came to their oc soured my interest.

In a lot of her posts, she makes claims towards my friends and I (as well as I suppose vague unknown other “harrassers” prior to us. I only put it in air quotes because the amount of lying she does, ironic I know, makes me question the validity of anything she says.) that we actively hated and made fun of her for disliking Drakepad. As you can see in the screenshots provided, that is exactly the oppposite.

I also want to mention the screenshots here are an anonymous friend’s server that I used to be active in. In the screenshots provided by Soy, it refers to their old server. Though I believe there is a point in our screenshots where one is referenced in another. (I am currently not looking at them, so I can recall which is referenced in which.) I wanted to make sure there was no confusion with that. These were provided to me by Drake. I could not find them on my own. This was her asking about playing her oc initally. and some stuff I didn't screenshot previously I think?

On Soy’s Side of things

Initially I had another draft of this whole rant, but because of these screenshots I got so peeved that I spiraled into a mad disorganized rage due to the ridiculousness of all of this. So I thought it would be best to rework my words into a more composed response. Personally I had read the first set of messages after they had happened, but when it comes to the discord screenshots, these were new to me. We were all suspicious of her potentially using an alt account on tumblr to ask as a “friend”. Because while I cannot say the same for my friends, I had online friends when I was young who pulled very similar stunts to continue to emotionally manipulate me into remaining their friend and under their thumb. I do not fuck with that sort of behavior anymore. And to note from Soy they said that they had joined their old dead DWD server and immediately dmed them. The obsessive manner of her continuing whatever game she thinks this is is a genuine concern and big alarm sounding that she needs to talk to someone. She is older than me, but I have already dealt with extremely similar people in my preteens, so it’s sad to see someone being so immature like this. (I hit the 30 post limit so the screenshots will be in the reblogs for anything missing)

responses to tumblr posts

Starting with the post that finally prompted this response, I want to cover my personal opinion of each thing mentioned. Unfortunately as you will see, I do not have proof for my own ponytown run in personally, but if you read all of the messages provided, you can probably tell who’s more truthful considering it’s a 1-0 with me having evidence and her none. You’ll notice she remains vague when she can, which is most of the time.

First we need to all heavily note that this was a supposed dream. She is her character Hannah in her dream, alongside Drake. Soy, an anon, and myself appear as “hooded people” in her dream and do an incantation on her in order to curse her to not be with Drake. I suppose this causes a curse that forces Drakepad to be real in her dream? Then we say quotes she is claiming we said. I will get to that in a moment. This is a summary so that if she deletes the post linked, you still have me explaining it. (I wrote this last night, unfortunately as of right now while I was acquiring links she did in fact delete the post. Likely because of my warning post from the other day. So she is stalking my account still.) Then her own oddly crafted happy ending where the spell is broken and she gets her ending of support.

Now I’ll cover the “quotes”

“Drakepad is the only true ship”

You will here her claim people saying this to her often. In reference to my friends, such claims have been proven false. We supported her opinion despite our own. Even comforting her and letting her know its awful for anyone to try and pressure her over such a simple difference in taste. Also adding the fact we supported her oc x canon even though she could not RP it in the old server.

“Darkwing DENIED YOU” with her claiming it is something I said to her in Ponytown.

I will go more in depth in exactly what I said in ponytown further down, but I never once said this. She insisted that my opinion was that her oc x canon was not valid. I was Negaduck in game, then I specifically swapped to my Magentus pony and stated how hypocritical it would be for me to say such a thing. Then proceeded to let her know, though I was annoyed, that it’s alright for her to not ship something she does not like, but continuing to bring up that you hate a ship to people you know don’t mind it or even ship it themselves is rude. Then she proceeded to do something I can only describe as something I am seasoned to as the son of an emotionally inmature mother. Again I will elaborate in the ponytown section.

“She gaved me PTSD by her DrakePad hate. And with her tumblr post who HURTED my friends saying we “FORCED” Drakepad on our server she lied.” Which was aparently what Soy said.

I cannot speak to how soy feels completely on this, but I know they did not develop post traumatic stress disorder from this. Nor have they said this quote if you could not guess. I believe the friend was the one in the screenshots between them and soy on discord I shared above. Again, I do not trust that these are her actual friends. This is not to say she couldn’t potentially have friends who agree with her, I just don’t trust her truthfulness especially with said discord dms. But you as the reader can make your own opinion on that. From what I was told by Soy, they joined (I believe after they realized they couldn’t do oc x canon with our Darkwing in the old server, which was his choice to make.) and asked if they could do darkwing x hannah. Soy and others kindly let her know that they were working on a drakepad relationship, but saw no problem in doing dw x lp x hannah. She accepted I think? But regardless then returned to our server to both brag about how someone finally let her, but soon ranted about how uncomfortable poly stuff made them. Some of this is word of mouth, but you can see other parts referenced back above.

“You deserve no friends.” by an anon

Again, I question the validity of this claim, but assuming someone actually said this to her this is horrible to say to someone. Back in 2020 I dealt with prosh*ppers in a problematic fandom harrasing me because I outwardly was against their adult x minor ship. Unfortunately if you know what fandom I mean. (keep guesses to yourself, I don’t want to bring it up in public.) You know it’s very popular unfortunately. I was sent death threats and people telling me how unworthy of friends, love, or anything they could throw at me. I would never say this to another nor condone saying this to another. Even if CookieRuby is in the wrong here. Everyone deserves the chance to have friends and flourish as a person. I’m angry but I’d never wish such a thing. And while I’m at it I would like to suggest to you as the reader that if you are considering doing such a thing don’t. Block her, move on. It’s not worth it. I’m only here right now to give context, then I’m done. I do not want anyone going after her. I’m just here to show my receipts, not to harrass her. I’d just prove her point if I did that. I’m not that sort of person.

And I was shown her speaking about her inferiority complex. I do not have one, so I cannot speak to how true this is, but considering this was March 2023...it seems despite her admitting this, she has obviously continued to lie about people. So I don’t know if she has that complex, but she is a chronic liar at the very least so there’s that I guess.

Ponytown run ins

The provided screenshots below are from before what I’ll be describing to you. I had to re-listen to a voice note I sent after this. It’s all I have besides the discord message of me realizing it was her. I do not want to attach it just because I keep my voice to myself most times. I’m shy gang.

Starting off I was just finishing my Magentus pony. For a while they had a color palette I had just chose myself without reference and I was finally giving them their reference colors. I was returning to the darkwing rock circle I was hoping to start a darkwing pony hangout at, when I saw a Darkwing pony approach. Now, I don’t know if this was coincidence of perhaps she knows about the hangout from my story. Considering she has alts, she probably was checking my story, but that is speculation. I immediately am eager to friend them because of their pony. But of course the first words from her are “why do you have me blocked?” my mood immediately changes as it hit me that someone had told me prior she had an account. Likely due to the incident in the other ponytown screenshots. I ask to confirm if it’s her and she says yes.

So I simply put that she cause discomfort to my friends and I and that I use the block liberally. During this I am scrambling to try and block her on ponytown too, but unfortunately my block list is too full because I have been blocking Dream SMP ponies left and right. So I decide maybe here is where I can put my foot down on things. I also mentioned a side thing about how the old server I was in had a policy about posting over people, but she seemed to focus on this more. (I do not recall if this was enforced at the time, but still it was focused on way more than the main issue I was bringing up.) I mentioned how she’d post over others. I told her that it wasn’t my main point and to forget that and move onto the main issue. I explain to her as adult as I can back to her Drakepad issue that “You were being rude to people because you could get your ship. We tried to be nice and I just blocked you because I didn’t want to deal with that [anymore].” and the only thing she got from that was me saying “rude” I suppose so she responded saying “oh so I’m the toxic one?” and boy have I heard this one get pulled on me before. It’s giving emotional manipulation. I calmly reply “That is not what I said.” I said something else that I couldn’t recall, though likely just me restating what happened, then she said “well I guess I’m sorry-” I was on a call at this time with my boyfriend while he was on break as this went down, so I began speaking to him irl. I guess I did not respond to her in time because she continued with the classic backhanded comment of “Since everyone wants me to apologize anyway” or something to that effect. It was in that way that someone who does this wants you to just accept the apology even though it was not a meaningful one. She does not have to apologize, no one is making her, but that was her attitude about it. I thought I’d just end it off there with a joke to myself so I didn’t lose it. I went “I have a mother, I can be emotionally manipulated at home, I don’t need this game from you. Bye.” and logged off. Honestly there is when it actually got personal. Somewhere in the middle she insisted what I had mentioned earlier with us hating oc x canon and drakepad and all that and that statement from earlier still follows.

I even have a later note worrying there would be a post on her tumblr, but I checked once and there was nothing so I thought maybe she had gotten over herself…..we are here now so nope. Also this was 2/2/2024 for timeline’s sake.

I was transcribing from a voice note, so if it seems like there are any holes in that ask me, I’ll try to fill in what I missed.

Misc

Lastly here are things I did not know how to organize into the rant. As well as some people making mention to their experiences with her in reply to my Instagram story. I swore I would get all I could and I meant it.

And anyways thank you to those who actually took the time to read all of this mess. I don’t know how I did drama back in the day this has truly been so exhausting to write, but it was important that I did. Honestly despite my anger this is really dumb to have to make, but I do not like being lied about. I especially don’t like my friends also being lied about. And again just block her and do not engage. I do not condone harassment of any kind. I am going to go sleep as I finish writing this. This was a tiring experience. She’ll probably continue but now I am satisfied knowing we’re all on the same page.

[ikeasharksss]

here's the thing. i think will in mortal aus would be a good doctor. a solid, in character choice. but canon will? hm. that's a bit more complicated

none of the demigods we meet in the rrverse are, like, Thrilled about their godly parent's guardianship. like percy isn't a marine biology freak who spends every summer at the beach before he realizes he's the son of poseidon. & even after he realizes, he's never like "oh my GODS i have such a PASSION for CONEY ISLAND!!!!" we don't see that in anyone else either: piper doesn't care for beauty much before & after she is claimed, nico didnt show any hades traits before bianca died & he goes rogue, and frank was actually afraid of showing aggression (around others at least) before he was claimed if i remember son right. the only exception i can think of is leo bc he worked in his mom's garage as a kid. but even then, he isn't a mechanic bc of his dad, he's a mechanic bc of his mom. (we don't know how academic-oriented annabeth was before she came to chb. it's possible that, bc she came so young, she formed her childhood personality around athena, since she had nothing else to hold on to.) so, therefore, i don't think demigods are enthusiastic about their godly parent's guardianship specifically bc of their godly parent. i don't think will would be enthusiastic about being a doctor just bc of apollo.

being a healer at a summer camp & being a field medic in a monster war is very different from being a doctor in a clinic, hospital, or private practice. the type of illnesses, injuries, & disorders a doctor sees in the field would be very different from what will sees in his healer career. we don't actually see much of the healing process in the books outside of ambrosia & nectar, but it's obvious that will would never use them if he became a real doctor. i don't think his healing skills would translate into doctor skills.

additionally, ive seen a lot of ppl in the fandom point out that will would have to relearn all his medical knowledge if he went to med school. that's true! add in his adhd & i don't think will would be to happy to sit through 7(?) years of school learning things he either A) already knows or B) would never use bc he has healing powers.

sure, i think will would CONSIDER becoming a doctor. it makes sense! that's the only life he's ever known! but i think he'd go get a bachelor's in biology & realize after like 3 semesters that it sucks.

"but tumblr user ikeasharksss!" i hear you say. "what profession would will go into if he isn't a doctor!!!!" oh don't worry. Don't Worry. he'd go into pharmaceutical sciences.

hear me out! ive already said we don't know much about healing outside of ambrosia & nectar. & those are basically just the demigod equivalent of mortal medications. will already works so closely w/ them, so it'd make sense for him to be interested in creating an alternative that is safe for mortals. in pharmaceutical science, will could research & make mortal medicine!! it would scratch his innate need to help ppl while also engaging his mortal side!!!!!

thanks baes

[girlashfur]

Transmisogyny In The Warriors Fandom : The Mothpool Issue

hi, my name is muyang / @girlashfur and i'm a transfeminine being who enjoys the fictional series of warrior cats. i've been into this book series for as long as i can remember, ever since i was a little kid. and growing up with this fandom, i've noticed a reocurring issue among it, which i aim to do a break-down of now.

the issue is transmisogyny. for those who are unaware : transmisogyny is the unique combination and overlap of misogyny and transphobia, specifically targeting transfeminine individuals. it's a widespread issue in just about every corner of the world, even spaces for transgender and otherwise queer individuals seem to have a problem with being transmisogynistic, intentionally or not. the warriors fandom is not exempt from this; and they're not special, either, i'm yet to encounter a popular fictional fanbase that doesn't have several transmisogynists among it's members. but the warriors fandom seems to have a peculiar way of going about it.

to start, i want to clarify that there seems to be...a surprising lack of transfem warriors fans to begin with; i can name about three off the top of my head, not counting myself, compared to hundreds of cisgender, transmasc, or otherwise tme (transmisogyny exempt) fans. perhaps we're just underrepresented, i'm sure there's more of us out there, but nonetheless i'd like to make it clear i'm writing this mainly based off of what i personally have experienced and witnessed in this fandom. my word may not speak for every transfem person, and that's okay.

transmisogyny isn't always violent and obvious; it's not always slurs and misgendering and harrassment, although don't get me wrong, plenty of transmisogynists do engage in such a way. but it can also be a subtle practice, something most tme people would not pick up on. like all systems of oppression, it can also be a learned behavior, one somebody witnesses happen (typically unpunished) and assumes is okay to recreate. one of the ways this can happen is through the objectification and sexualization of transfeminity. stereotypes are a common form of this. oftentimes, transfeminine characters are portrayed as violent and agressive, masculine and gruff, or as suave and predatory womanizers, sometimes a mixture of all three.

the warriors fandom does this often. there are several characters that are commonly headcanoned as transfem by the fandom, and most are victim to being portrayed this way. a few i can think of off the top of my head are cats like russetfur, crowfeather, mapleshade, darktail, tree, and yes...mothwing. mothwing is a bit of a special case, because i believe most people only headcanon her as transfeminine so they can ship her with leafpool (the ship commonly named mothpool) and imagine the two with biological kittens, in some aus, even as the three's parents.

this is a form of objectification already, although one might not catch onto it immediately. mothwing's transness is turned into a token, a special card to be exchanged to fit the fandom's idolized version of the ship. one could argue it could be interpreted as sexualization as well; while the warriors fandom tends to stray away from outright sexual portrayals of the cats (for good and obvious reasons), mothwing being transfem is still only done for the purpose of making her a cat with a penis, so she can have kits.

mothwing isn't canonically a particularly violent or angry cat, nor does she seem to be particularly romantic (she actually doesn't have a canon mate at all, being a medicine cat). however, in fandom based portrayals of her, she's often twisted to fit these stereotypes. sometimes she's designed to be large and masculine with the excuse of it being because she's a tigerkin, or sometimes she's portrayed as being very proud and open about her love of leafpool (who is often portrayed as shy and defenseless, practically hiding behind her). i've seen several aus with transfem mothwing in them "conveniently" include things like her formerly training as a warrior, or killing another cat (such as crowfeather) "for leafpool", or even portraying her as evil, typically falling to the manipulation of her father.

mothpool as a ship isn't really the issue here. it's the fandom's doing. the two have quite a few canon interactions that could be portrayed as romantic, and sure, it's really not my buisness what people ship as long as it's legal and all...but when you get exposed to so much hidden transmisogyny tied to one ship, as a victim of transmisogyny, you grow kinda wary of the ship as a whole. the few transfeminine people i've spoken to about this issue seemed to share my feelings as well. the moment i see a mothpool shipper mention making mothwing trans, i get shivers.

another point i'd like to make clear is that it's not every mothpool shipper doing this either, even out of the ones who do make her trans, i've met a few who portrayed it well and seemed very open and concerned about my views on transfem mothwing as a transfem person. i'm also certainly not saying you should go harrass people for shipping what they want, that's not my point nor is it helpful. as i've mentioned before, there's a good chance some of the people portraying mothpool in harmful ways like this don't fully realize what they're doing, and think it's okay because it's something they've seen before. i don't want those people to think they're bad for falling into those false beliefs, as long as they change them when they realize how they're offensive.

what i'm aiming to do here is give my two cents on why i generally dislike the ship as a transfeminine being myself, and to also spread awareness to why i feel that way. if i can make some people out there rethink some transmisogynist views they had perpetuated before, then my work is done well. as i'm finishing off this little essay of mine, i hope my message was explained clearly and gently, as it should be. see you guys in the next post, muyang out.

[cloudcountry]

i have too many mutuals to tag so yk. i cant tag all of you guys, all i can do is hope that you all see this and know how much i care about you.

when i arrived here on tumblr i wasn't expecting much, it seemed to me like everyone had their friend groups already, and i felt like the odd one out. even though i spent those first few days posting my writing and figuring out how to format things, i still felt like an outsider looking in. it didn't feel like i was really participating.

and honestly, i'm not sure when it started. i'm not sure when being here began to feel like a home away from home, like a space on the internet that was my own and that i could shape however i wanted. i'm not sure when it occurred to me that you guys had a hand in shaping it, too. you showed me the characters you loved and the things that reminded you of me, you placed them on my blog like paintings in a museum, for me to look back on whenever the nostalgic urge hit me. you actively tried to get to know me and form connections with me, even if i scared some of you (which im 100% certain i did.) thank you for taking courage to talk to me, i'm thankful for all of you.

there was a point when i was scared too. it was really hard for me to reach out to people myself but i ended up doing so anyway. (raptor, rinna, and sippy, thank you for welcoming me so warmly. i haven't forgotten it.) i know my blog blew up really quickly, given how much content i was posting at the time, but at the end of the day i still don't like thinking of myself as someone famous or a super recognizable blog in the twst fandom. because at the end of the day, i was just someone doing what they loved.

i'm glad i was given the opportunity to start writing when i was young. i'm glad i kept at it, and i'm glad i shared so many stories with my friends on the playground. i'm glad i honed my writing all throughout school, and i'm glad i still practice today. because if i hadn't picked up the pencil to write that first fanfiction of mine, none of this ever would have happened. and i hated writing as a child, so that could have happened. there's probably another timeline where that did, but we aren't here to talk about that hypothetical auburn.

we're here to talk about me and you guys, because you've given me the precious gift of your time. you've invited me into your lives and let me be a part of them, even if it is only through the screen. you've thought about me while going about your day, and i have thought about all of you. we are connected, in this universe where there was every possibility that we never would have met, and i think that's beautiful. i will forever be grateful that my love for writing can make people smile, that it can make them laugh and cry and scream. i will forever be grateful for the gift to make others feel, and for you all for sharing that with me.

thank you. even if you aren't a mutual, your support has touched me. thank you for reading what i create, thank you for commenting your thoughts, thank you for talking to me and engaging in the fandom community. i hope every single one of you has a wonderful 2024, and that we can make each other happier and keep pushing towards our individual goals with each passing day.

[coal15]

My opinions on the whole multi-shipping Buddie and Tevan situation. But first, [steps up on soapbox and yells into bullhorn] HAVE NO BEEF WITH ANYONE WHO FEELS DIFFERENTLY THAN ME SO I'D REALLY APPRECIATE NOT GETTING ANY "YOUR OPINIONS ARE STUPID AND PROBABLY SO ARE YOU" COMMENTS IN MY REPLIES. **If any such comments do appear in my replies I would ask the rest of you to please simply ignore them. You won't change their minds so confrontation will do nothing but further poison the waters.

Ahem. Carrying on. Warning, this post is LONG. Like, practically a novella.

I'm still a multi-shipper at heart in the sense that I will always love my memories in the Buddie fandom and how vocally we showed our support over the last six years--yes there was a SUPER PROMINENT contingent among us who directly engaged with and verbally disemboweled every actress who played a li on a regular basis, (and who harassed Oliver to the point of him quitting twitter) but most of us had the sense to direct our ranting at the fictional character or writers/showrunner/network with varying degrees of anger or indignation. Now speaking just for myself, in my time as a Buddie fan I never commented on the physical appearance of any li, so seeing a lot of buddie-or-bust folks now referring to Lou as "ugly" "rectangle-faced" "gross looking," etc has been disappointing. I hope they represent the minority. So far it looks like they do.

On to my reasons for and/or role in shutting down non-Buddie romances: While I never took to engaging her personally, I voiced harsh criticism of GW over her "honorary latina" comment, likewise EG for her transphobia and non-apology apology ("I'm sorry if you felt offended). And while I wish bucktaylor had stayed besties (preferably bi besties since there was no reason Buck couldn't have his bi awakening with a woman), my issue with them dating was at first just a lack of romantic chemistry and the fact that Taylor never apologized for what she did to Bobby or even admitted it was wrong. But as the relationship dragged on I watched the life drain out of Buck. They were stagnant as a couple and the look on Buck's face when he said ily back to her was . . . laughably unromantic. The only growth his character got from that relationship was him being the one to end it. As for eddieana, on top of lacking chemistry they were just plain dull. The end.

Moving on to Buck's kiss w/Lucy: I actually like AK and was excited to hear about her coming to 9-1-1. She was fun af as Lexi on VD so I was looking forward to seeing her play a different character. Aaaaannnnnnd then KR immediately ruined her by making it abundantly clear that she was created for one sole purpose: to complicate a man's storyline and spark off a love triangle--and she did so in the most offensive way possible. It was appalling, negatively affected Buck's character, and thankfully KR's response to the intense backlash was to pivot so the love triangle never manifested. But the damage was already done. No one had any interest in watching them poke/flirt for the rest of the season. I was deeply offended by such a misogynistic use of a female character and it still boggles my mind that a woman created her.

Anyhow, all this was a long winded way of saying that my reasons for wanting those li gone went well beyond my investment in Buddie. Though I did strongly believe no romantic narrative for either of them could ever compete w/the Buckley-Diaz Family, at the end of the day those romantic arcs were ruined for me by writing mistakes, problematic actresses, and lack of chemistry (which is admittedly subjective and something we all approach with shipper goggles to some degree--if you think you 100% absolutely don't you're lying to yourself). I stand by a lot of the reasons Buddies were so opposed to those li being endgame. Yes, plenty of us took things waaaaaaay over the line re: direct personal attacks against actresses and/or non-buddie fans, but I think far more of us than not did argue in good faith and toward the right people. We just didn't stand out as much or get as much engagement because . . . well, toxic behavior is rewarded on sm with more clicks, shares, likes, quotes, etc. Attention seekers gonna seek.

As for why it's so hard to ship happily on sm: in my experience a handful of problematic or outright unhinged fans (on both sides) will go around stirring shit, provoking arguments, and soon the dog pile effect kicks in because everyone wants to defend their tribe. Arguments go in circles, spin off, get more and more petty, until most of "us" end up discussing amongst ourselves about how "they" are a bunch of [insert string of negative attributes here], which then in itself provokes a reaction from "them." Lather, rinse, repeat. Eventually way too many of "us" are hissing and snarling at "them" more often than theorizing about or celebrating our ship . . . the thing we enjoy . . . and it's really hard to detach from that cycle, especially when things get personal. I recommend total non-acknowledgement, but even I struggle to hold that line when I read something I think is terrible. I'm making an effort these days to just keep scrolling thru my feed until I hit something happy, and if there's a negative comment somewhere in the thread to give it ZERO engagement of any kind. Not. Easy.

Which brings me to where I am today. During my time in the Buddie fandom I assumed that for most of us the actual queer rep mattered more than any one ship. Hell, if Taylor had been the one to wake Buck up to his bisexuality--and admitted what she did to Bobby was wrong--they might have grown on me as an endgame couple. I've accepted "meh" endgame couples before as long as everything else on a show stayed solid. I also thought that Buck could never, ever look at anyone with bigger hearteyes than the way he looked at Eddie, but . . .

. . . Enter Tommy. As soon as they kissed, and in their albeit limited screentime afterward (thanks a lot shortened season!) I learned a lesson: there are different kinds of hearteyes. In my opinion Buck looks at Eddie with complete adoration and love, yes. Total hearteyes. But the way he looks at Tommy is . . . "Oh, that's what Buck looks like when he's absolutely smitten, that's how he acts, that's what a romantic crush looks like on Buck. Wow." It wasn't better or worse than his hearteyes or vibe with Eddie, just conspicuously different. It re-framed the way I see the Buckley-Diaz Family as well, and the way I read their chemistry. As I mentioned earlier chemistry is subjective, and once I actually had something queer to compare with Buddie's chemistry, I stopped rooting for romantic Buddie. I wouldn't exactly be furious if they went canon since I did spend all those years rooting for them and it would still be a high profile queer storyline, but I would rather see the Buckley-Diaz Family and Tevan coexist. I think they can, and I think it would be beautiful.

So here's where I stand with my preference and opinions today:

Falling in love doesn't mean everyone else in your life gets demoted. Feelings aren't like pie. Maddie doesn't love Buck any less since she fell in love with Chimney. Athena didn't love her daughter any less when her son came along. There's not a finite amount of love and you're serving out pieces of it. You can love more than one person with all your heart. And that's how I feel about Buck and the Buckley-Diaz Family. He and Eddie are more than friends, different than brothers, they just . . . have their own dynamic. It's unique, special, and vital to both of their identities. And those facts will not be altered by either of them falling in love w/another person. If anything, the Buckley-Diaz Fam has become more special to me since I started rooting for a Tevan endgame.

Queer rep matters more to me than Buddie. Buck coming out as bi wasn't and shouldn't be seen as a step on the road to "winning" the ship I wanted for years. It is completely awesome progress for us whether they're endgame or not. Ditto for Tevan. Also, at the end of the day I ship Buck+Happiness and Eddie+Happiness, and right now Buck seems to be falling for Tommy. What happens with Eddie remains to be seen.

Looking at the whole picture, I will always love Buddie and kinda wish they'd gone canon in s4 or 5, but I think that moment has passed and I'm not mad or bitter about it. I adore the Buckley-Diaz Family, I adore Tevan, and I want to see them both thrive in s8. Now if you'll excuse me, my fingers have begun to bleed from all this typing.

[callipraxia]

I was just asked to share a favorite writing tip, and as I wrote, it sort of organically expanded from the realm of writing tips I have received and into the realm of writing tips I’ve worked out for myself. I cut most of that from the original response because it wasn’t really what was being asked, but for anyone who might find it helpful - here are six notes on writing from someone who’s been doing it for twenty-something years and has no Agenda, financial or academic, to steer me much astray from confession of my actual practices:

Tip #1: my favorite writing tip I ever got from an outside source is (paraphrasing) “if you want to write like Tolkien, the key isn’t to stick a bunch of dwarves and elves in a low-medieval setting. The key is to write about subjects that you love as much as Professor Tolkien loved Northern European languages and mythology and the pre-Industrial English countryside and Catholic theology and etc.” It isn’t the details of what creatures you have in there that gives something that particular engaging quality that will carry it through and overrule a lot of its inevitable flaws - it is, instead, a subtle, difficult-to-define sort of energy the work will have that, as far as I can tell (and I’ve tried, many times, with concepts and projects that just didn’t work out), cannot be faked.

Tip #2: Based on my own experience as it applies to Tip #1, start trying to figure out what your interests are as early as possible and never stop looking even once you think you’ve found them. There’s a plethora of low-to-no-cost, low-to-no-commitment ways to pick up at least the basics of topics you know nothing about***, so give something a try every now and then, you might surprise yourself. For another personal anecdote, I grew up with the firm belief that physics was something I would a) find really boring and b) not be smart enough to get even the vaguest grasp on no matter how hard I worked, and that even trying was therefore probably a waste of time. I still can’t do the math and would probably flunk any real exams, but physics writing, obtained from the public library’s New Arrivals section, has ended up being one of the richest sources for my writing that I’ve ever encountered.

Tip #3: if you truly can’t find a subject in the world you find yourself especially interested in, that’s probably either the depression or the after effects of bad educational experiences talking. Or both - both is always an option. Start addressing that stuff and the world will most likely become a much more interesting place and you will most likely become a much more interesting writer.

Tip #4: if you find yourself with a sort of author crush, with someone (including other fan authors!) whose work you really, really admire, and you desperately want to be like them when you grow up - find out what they read and read it, too. This doesn’t work 100% of the time, but it is often a productive exercise; the reason I tend to include so many footnotes in my fics is because I’ve benefited so much from other people who left footnotes with reading recommendations or trivia explanations on their fics.

Tip #5, the Big One: Combine multiple things you are geeking out about into one story. The best writing I probably ever did began with how certain characters were represented in three different fanfics in two different fandoms. The presentation of Character A from Franchise 1 in two fics reminded me, in ways she normally wouldn’t, of the presentation of Character B from one fic from Franchise 2. I also just really liked Character C and thought it might be fun to introduce some elements of Character D to him and then see what happened, so I isolated some of the things I liked about those characterizations and combined a character trait or two from each in order to form two ‘new’ basic characters who would form the ‘center’ of the story. I then ran them both through additional filters: the first filter was some specific other interests (ornithology and tea culture) I happened to have, and then the second was the general impressions I’d gotten of family lives and dynamics from reading a couple of blogs for several years****. And then I topped this concoction off by dusting it lightly with references to and elements from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and an old Cage the Elephant song. Yeah. Other sources of musical inspiration have included, but are far, far from limited to, songs from Breaking Benjamin, Foster the People, Hozier, Lana del Rey, The Mountain Goats, The Offspring, and The Smashing Pumpkins. Even I kind of roll my eyes at that list, but hey, if it works, it works.

Tip #6: Don’t get the wrong idea from Tip #5 - I don’t recommend approaching stories or subjects with the aim of finding something to combine with something else in mind. The example I gave coalesced in my head over the course of several years before I ever put any of it into writing. The ideas will form in their own time, and I think the best thing to do is to just absorb as much enjoyable media and neat information as you can and then let your brain gradually do its own thing in its own time. It’s frustrating, but trying to think of things to jam together for a story or character idea on purpose doesn’t work nearly as well in my experience - maybe it can be pulled off for a one-off, preferably one that is a direct homage to or parody of the original, but when it comes to longer-term and more nuanced stuff, it’s rare for a deliberately sought out mash-up to ever quite get that Certain Something that I talked about back in Tip #1.

*** I can only really speak for the U.S. here, but with that caveat - I cannot overstate the utility of public library resources like inter-library loan and Friends of the Library bag sales, along with the contents of the library itself and particularly the New Arrivals sections if one is fortunate enough to be within reasonable driving distance of an even moderately well-stocked public library. If they’ve got a subscription to something like JSTOR or another academic database, so much the better, though you can find a surprising amount of information just through free articles and excerpts on JSTOR at least. The website and app Coursera also has a modest but useful collection of free courses, some of which are designed to be completed in as little as two days, and the similar website/app edX has quite a few classes where you can access the materials freely enough and just won’t get credit toward any professional certificates unless you pay them. I’ve done some studies also through Modern States, which is completely free as far as I remember and aimed at preparing people for exams that could, in theory, allow someone to test out of their freshman year of college or university. I have the very vague impression that Khan Academy sometimes gets mixed reviews, but I’ve found it a useful resource before. I’m sure this list also only just scratches the surface of what’s out there, too, since these are just resources I’ve personally used.

**** One of these was a LiveJournal, to give you some idea of how long ago this was…The other, in the category of “less obvious places to look,” was a collection of tea-tasting logs from a website called steepster; some users use/at least used to use their logs as a sort of journal/social media as well as a place to review teas, and some of those people are really good writers. Haven’t been to steepster in a while, though, should probably peek in sometime to see if it and/or any of my favorite loggers are still around….

[raintranslated]

Hello Rainfall! I'm a new Code geass fan (also Schneizel x Kanon fan). If I may ask (and if this is the right place to ask) but if not, please don't hesitate to ignore this ask and I'm sorry in advance! ;; Do you per chance know what the episode director in the R2 commentary said about the ship? Since I heard the episode director shot down the ship's canon value entirely there :")

Hello! You're perfectly welcome to ask. 🙂 You aren't bothering anyone. Relax, friend!

That said: Are you sure it matters?

Like, I don't remember that from the subtitled commentaries I've watched on the original R2 boxset that Bandai released, and I would tend to assume that whatever this is was part of a commentary that got an Official Translation, but... I genuinely don't think it's worth your energy to worry about, much less the effort it would take me to track down the specific line and translate it if needed.

It's always satisfying, of course, when a creator says something nice about a piece of our own headcanon. Especially if you feel like your ship isn't very popular in fandom, it can be a real feather in your cap to have a creator say, "Oh, yeah, that was the ship I hoped people would really like." And a Shipper On Deck, as TV Tropes puts it, can sometimes make for a better viewing experience overall.

But authorial intent isn't magic. There are so, so, SO many canonical ships out there where, despite the creative team's intentions, the pairing just doesn't have a lot of chemistry. Writing romance is also a specific skill, and not every writer has it: indeed, not every writer respects it enough to even put much effort in. For plenty of writers, simply telling us that Character X is dating Character Y is all they're willing to do, before they go right back to putting all the actual screen time and development into X's dubiously platonic relationship with Z...

Plus, don't let the occasional shipping manifesto fool you — ships don't begin with spreadsheets that track frequency and depth of interaction between characters. Ships begin with an undefinable gut feeling: sometimes the result of an interaction we saw on screen, but sometimes the result of an interaction we imagined in our own heads, based on how we think the characters would interact if they ever spoke. The manifestos are just post-hoc rationalizations. And you can't reason people out of something they didn't reason themselves into.

Anyone trying to use Word of God to convince other people to abandon a given ship (almost always in favor of their own preferred, "competing" ship) is engaging in a fool's errand. And probably being kind of a jerk, too.

So: there's the first... half of my answer, haha.

It's not easy, and it takes both time and a mental adjustment, but it is VERY worth your while to practice telling yourself, "It literally doesn't matter what the creator said." (This is especially true of ships that aren't The Default, but hardly limited to that.)

More specific to your particular case: ...what does "R2 episode director" even mean? I assume it doesn't mean Taniguchi Gorou. Are we talking about something Ohashi Yoshimitsu said? That's the only name I see credited for a substantial amount of episodes, and only in 2008 (13 total, about half of R2's count).

Like, I wouldn't give Taniguchi Gorou or Ohkouchi Ichirou power over which characters I ship either (they definitely can't make me like C.C./Lelouch as specifically portrayed in Lelouch of the Re;surrection), but at least I'd understand why they were being treated as authorities for Code Geass.

If we're listening to Ohashi, though, why stop there? Lots of people directed the odd episode here or there. Hiroyuki Yoshino and Nomura Yuuichi actually wrote some episodes, let's let them weigh in on which ships are "canon", too. Goodness.

...So I guess the answer to your question is, "I don't know off the top of my head; maybe, but if I were you, I wouldn't let that stop me."