#Maybe that is a silly assumption that I wouldn't make if I knew about how offline people slightly older got their context for it all

[sweetdreamspootypie]

I do not have the political / philosophy theory to really engage with all the discussions of left Vs liberal, let alone all the other things people talk about - communist Vs anarchist Vs tankie Vs Marxist Vs Leninist idk it's all noise to me

But one thing I know

Is that 30 to 50 year old men on tinder who describe themselves specifically as "left of center" are an auto nope for me for exactly that reason. If you're using that vocabulary as your self identification then it reads as fundamentally politically conservative who just maybe you identify as not homophobic or similar

it's kind of funny that the term "leftist" as a self-descriptor is the new "socially liberal, fiscally conservative"

[levis-poison-is-my-medicine]

Assumptions

(The Tea Lovers Pt. 8)

A Levi x reader fanfic

Crossposted from AO3

You wake up in Levi's bed.

tags: fluff and humor, silly and sweet, tea-obsessed fem!reader with their head in the clouds (word count: 2.9k)

(Part one) / (Levi x reader Masterlist)

The morning light filtered through your closed eyelids, making your nose tickle. You let out a small sneeze and slowly blinked your eyes open, confused.

The sheets smelled amazing – a fresh, clean smell mixed with something else that you couldn't quite place, something which was both comforting and oddly familiar. You blinked some more. It wasn't usually this bright in your room – you didn't have the luxury of a window. This room did, though.

You rubbed your eyes, squinting at the small window opposite the bed. It definitely wasn't your room.

As you padded over to take a look outside, you could see that it was quite high up, allowing for a great view of the inner courtyard and beyond. This was no ordinary room. It was a single, which meant it belonged to someone in a superior position.

You took in the sparse furnishing, but there was no personal touch to be found. Everything was pristine, the polished floorboards dazzling where the light touched them. Even the surface of the nightstand was sparkling. It reminded you of a certain someone's office.

You went over to the wardrobe to confirm your suspicions. Inside, next to perfectly pressed shirts lined neatly on the hangers, you found rows and rows of pearly white cravats, draped carefully over a rack.

There was no doubt about it. You were in Levi's bedroom. But how?

You scratched your head, trying to piece together how you got here. The last thing you remembered was watching Levi work in his office. You must have fallen asleep sometime after that.

You knew how hard it was to wake you once you were asleep. It was practically impossible. Levi had probably brought you here – maybe he didn't want to wake up your roommates. Either way, you were touched that he had given up his bed for you.

"You always do kind things like that…" you whispered. "I really need to find you a good birthday present." But how could there ever be as good a present for him as that tea set you had seen in Alfred's shop?

Staring out the window, you scrunched up your nose as you racked your brains for an alternative. Outside, a coach was passing by the scout's headquarters, the horse's hooves clobbering on the cobblestone. You followed it longingly with your gaze, looking after it until it disappeared from your sight, likely on its way to Mitras. Your eyes widened.

"Yes, that's it!" you shouted excitedly. Alfred's supplier was from Mitras. There was probably more where that came from. You stood up straighter as a plan formed in your mind. First, you had to stop by Alfred to find out the name and address of the supplier. Then you had a ferry to catch. There was no time to lose.

You rushed out the door, almost bumping into Erwin, who was walking down the hallway towards the stairs, probably on his way to get breakfast.

"Ah, Erwin! How lucky to run into you here!" you exclaimed. It really wasn't that lucky, considering this floor housed the bedrooms of all the higher-ups, including the commander's.

Erwin looked between you and the door you had just come out of, then back at you, an expression of utter confusion etched into his features. Your hair was unkempt, sticking out to one side, and you were still in your pajamas. You had just come out of the captain's bedroom. Yet here you were, happily smiling at him, acting like nothing was out of the ordinary. He was at a loss for words.

"This is perfect," you continued, completely unfazed by his lack of response. "I've been wanting to catch you before I leave! Because I really need to go somewhere – urgently. So I wanted to know if I can take leave for today. I know it's very short notice, and I wouldn't normally be asking this, but it's an emergency, so I hope you can understand."

Erwin continued to stare at you, his thick eyebrows bunched over his eyes. He really hoped this emergency had nothing to do with what he just witnessed.

"Please?" you added.

He blinked and cleared his throat. "I don't see why not..."

"Great! I'll be back by this evening." You squeezed past him, seemingly in a hurry.

"Oh, and one more thing. Could you tell Levi thanks for last night?"

Erwin raised his eyebrows so high, they almost disappeared into his hairline. "Are you sure? Shouldn't you tell him this yourself?"

"What's the difference? I don't think it matters who tells him. Besides, I might forget it, so better this way than not at all, right?"

"Oookay, if you say so…" he said slowly, still eyeing you curiously.

"Thank you! You're a lifesaver! I really need to get going now, maybe I'll see you later!" You gave him a small wave before sprinting down the corridor.

Erwin blew out a breath and scrubbed a hand up through his hair. He really needed a coffee.

– –

"Millstone Alley, Millstone Alley," you mumbled as you looked up from the crumbled note inside your hand where you had jotted down the potter's address, searching the street signs for the right name.

Mitras was so big, it had multiple streets with the word 'millstone' in it – there was a Millstone Lane, a Millstone Street and even a Millstone Way – which had made asking for directions rather confusing.

You were sure you were in the right area this time, though, since you had already passed a glassblower's studio, a tannery and a carpenter's shop. This was definitely the craftmen's district. Now you just had to find the right street.

Turning a corner, you finally spotted it: a wooden sign hanging crookedly from a weathered post, the words 'Millstone Alley' etched crudely into the material. You breathed a sigh of relief and entered the narrow passageway, leading you past a bakery whose heavenly smells filled the air around you, to a row of closely huddled houses.

You scanned the signs hanging in the windows. The low murmur of a loom drifted through the open window of a weaver's loft – Fanny's finest fabric, the sign said. You walked further down the street, where smoke was coming from a chimney, and squinted at the sign in the door.

Pierre's premium porcelain pottery. You had finally found it.

Flinging the door open, you were hit by a gust of warm air, a stark contrast to the crisp December weather outside. Even in the showroom, the heat emanated from the kiln in the back was intense, making you take off your jacket.

You took a look around, noting the different types of porcelainware on display – vases in all shapes and colors, plates, little animal figurines, and, of course, tea sets. As you were perusing the tea sets, you heard a voice behind you.

"Looking for something specific?"

You turned around to see a red haired man with an apron standing close, watching you with hawk eyes.

"Pierre Pottier, at your service," the man added.

You smiled at him and nodded. "I'm looking for a tea set."

"You're in the right place then, tea sets happen to be my specialty. There's an assortment of our current designs on display right there. If these shouldn't strike your fancy for some reason, I can have my assistant bring out more from the back." His tone made it clear that he found that to be an extremely unlikely scenario.

"I want this one," you said, and procured a drawing of the tea set which you had made on the ferry.

Pierre gave it a once-over. "Ah. The filigree model, most elegant. But quality has its price. This is my most expensive product line."

"The price is of no importance. So you have it in stock?"

"Indeed, I always keep some of each model on hand. For the glaze, you may choose between our current designs or have it hand-painted."

"I want this exact one," you said.

Pierre cast it another glance. "This is last season's design. It will have to be custom painted."

You bit your lip. "How long would that take? Could you finish it today?"

"Today?" Pierre laughed derisively. "I may have the base model as bisque ware, but it will still need under- and overglazing."

You gave him a blank stare.

He sighed. "The first firing is already done, but after painting it, it will need another firing step to fuse the glaze to the surface. To make it nice and smooth, understand?"

You nodded.

"Then, after getting its final touches, it will need another, shorter firing," he continued. "You're looking at 12 hours for the first glaze firing alone. The second one takes four. If I include the painting and drying, maybe some polishing, you're looking at a 24 hour job, at least. And that's if I were to work through the night." He spoke very slowly, as if speaking to a child.

Your eyes widened. "I don't have that long!" you blurted out.

"Well, isn't that a shame," he said.

"Don't we still have some already underglazed pieces from when we were designing it?" someone piped up from behind you. It was another man with an apron, probably Pierre's assistant. "We tried out different floral patterns for the overglaze, remember?"

The assistant smiled at you. "That means the base painting is already done," he explained.

Pierre gave him a look. "Clayton might be right," he begrudgingly admitted.

"Let me take a look," Clayton said and disappeared behind the door to the back.

He came back shortly after. "We can do it in eight hours," he said with a grin.

You felt a wave of relief washing over you. "Yay! Thank you so much! I'm so glad you fou–"

"Custom painting costs extra," Pierre cut in. "Let's make sure you can afford it, first."

He told you the price, a haughty look in his eyes.

"I told you, cost is not a factor," you said.

It was still less than Alfred had charged for it. He needed to make a profit too, you supposed.

Pierre didn't seem convinced, his eyes full of disbelief as he scanned you from head to toe.

You glanced down at yourself, too. Only then did you notice that you were still wearing your pajamas, which were red and embroidered with tiny black cats. In your rush to leave, the only thing you'd remembered was to grab your bag and your jacket.

"I can pay in advance," you said quickly, feeling your face grow warm, probably taking on the color of your pajamas.

Pierre didn't have any further objections. He even agreed to let you watch the painting process.

After that, you decided to wait in the bakery you'd seen earlier.

This time, you would definitely keep on your jacket.

– –

A knock sounded on Erwin's office door.

"Come in," the commander called.

The door opened, but Levi stayed in the doorway, his gaze searching the room.

"Have you seen y/n?" he asked finally.

Erwin's eyes flicked up to his face, studying the man's expression closely.

"I met her this morning," he said, choosing his words carefully. "She requested emergency leave for today. It seemed quite urgent."

Levi's face remained an unreadable mask, but there was an unmistakable edge to his voice when he spoke again. "Emergency leave? Did she say what for?"

"I'm afraid she didn't specify."

There was a slight frown on the captain's face now.

"But she did ask me to relay a message to you," Erwin said slowly, then hesitated, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. His eyes flickered past Levi, fixating a point behind him. This really was something for you to tell him yourself.

"…She wanted to thank you for your night together." It came out a bit strained. The words hung in the air as Levi gave him a glance.

"Is that so?" he said, his face giving nothing away.

Erwin cleared his throat. "She will be back by this evening. You can take this up with her, then."

"I see," he said wryly.

"Did you want anything else?" Erwin asked.

"No, that's all." Levi turned to leave, then stopped to give Erwin a single, pointed look, his tone dry. "Try not to make assumptions."

The door closed behind him with a soft click.

Erwin ran a hand over his face, letting out a deep sigh.

– –

"Oh wow, it turned out so beautiful!" you said in awe, your eyes big as you carefully lifted up one of the teacups to your face to examine it further. "You're truly a master of your craft!"

Pierre gave you a modest bow, a pleased smile tugging at his lips, clearly feeling flattered.

"I am glad it's to your liking. I always work my hardest to satisfy my customers."

You were still letting out small oh's and ah's as you turned a saucer in your hands.

"The attention to detail is extraordinary! I knew this would be worth the journey!" You were beaming. "Someday, I want to be able to design and paint my own teacups....Though they might not turn out this well."

Pierre leaned in, his voice eager. "Oh, you know, I am always looking for new ideas. Your drawing of my tea set wasn't bad at all, and you seem to have the right spirit. Maybe you have some suggestions? I'm already working on the collections for next season. Do you want to see it?"

Your eyes lit up with excitement. "I would be honored!"

You spent the next two hours in the the workshop at the back, passionately making your case about a teacup design with cats on it. Pierre was initially against it, calling the concept tacky, but after you brought some of your ideas to paper, he didn't seem so disinclined anymore – maybe even intrigued.

When you finally emerged from the shop, your tea set neatly tucked away into a wooden box, the night had grown really late.

Maybe you should've thought things through. The last ferry for the day was going to leave in half an hour, and it was hard to run when you carried something so fragile.

You did the best you could, you didn't even get lost once, but it was no use.

The last ferry of the day was gone.

– –

Hange waved a fork in front of his face. "Earth to Levi. Earth to Le–"

His hand shot up, grabbing the fork. "Stop that, four-eyes." He glared at his fellow scout.

They chuckled. "Well, I had to get your attention somehow. I don't think you listened to a word of what I just said."

The mess hall was still noisy after dinner. Many scouts stuck around, playing cards. Levi usually left immediately after he was done eating, but he lingered this time, staring at the leftovers on his plate.

"You still eating that?"

"No."

"More for me." Hange pulled the plate over to their side of the table, watching the way Levi scowled at the surface in front of him.

"Uh-oh, something's got your goat, hasn't it..."

He didn't react, looking over at the table where your roommates were sitting and chatting. Your spot was empty.

Hange followed his gaze.

"Ohhh, I get it now! Missing someone, huh?" Hange teased, their eyes gleaming with amusement.

Levi didn't even counter the playful remark, his eyes still on the empty chair. "Did she tell you where she was going?"

"No, but I'm sure she's alright. She's more resourceful than you might know."

Levi snorted. "She's also way too fucking trusting."

"That she is," Hange agreed. "But I still think she's just fine."

"She better be."

He stood up, his chair scraping over the stone floor, and strode over to your roommate's table.

Lynne was the first to notice him approaching. She elbowed Nanaba sharply.

"Ouch! What was that for?"

"Am I dreaming, or is Levi coming our way?" Lynne whispered.

Nanaba rubbed her side. Before she could even respond, Levi had already reached the table.

"Do any of you know where she went?" He nodded his head in the direction of your empty seat. Your roommates exchanged a quick glance before shaking their heads.

"I haven't seen her all day. She wasn't even in her bed this morning," Lynne said.

"I heard there was some sort of emergency?" Nifa added, her tone laced with concern.

"Right," Levi nodded briefly, then turned and walked away.

"So she really hasn't told anyone…" he muttered under his breath. "Idiot."

He went back up to his office to get some work done.

When there was a knock on the door, he looked up sharply. But only silence followed – no one burst through the door without waiting for his answer. He trained his gaze back on the work in front of him.

"Yes?", he asked impatiently.

It was Erwin. The commander closed the door behind him.

"She hasn't come back yet. I thought you might want to know," Erwin said. "If I may make that assumption, of course."

Levi's eyes narrowed as he glanced at his pocket watch. He didn't know your definition of evening, but it was past midnight now. You were late by any definition.

"I suggest we wait until tomorrow before we start looking for her. Knowing her, it's probably nothing," Erwin continued.

Levi nodded. "It's probably nothing," he repeated, his tone flat, but there was a hint of tightness to it that didn't go unnoticed by the commander.

"Don't worry too much. That's an order."

"Tch. Why would I worry about that idiot?"

It was probably nothing.

A/n: I may have had a little too much fun researching how porcelain is made for this chapter xD

Tag list: @thechaoticarchivist, @mmm-alhaitham, @nironasaran, @leviiheichou, @huffleruffplant, @shutupp1, @iifrui, @shakysif, @ickearmn, @omlyurslvi

Click here for part 9

[one-and-a-half-yikes]

Thought that hit me outta nowhere when I was half asleep this afternoon-

What the hell was Fanny doing at the gala???

We never come back to this, and although Cuphead calls it out:

We never find out if this is true or not. Will we later on? I fucking hope so cause I seriously want to know what the point was.

If we go with Cuphead's assumption here, that she was planning to "crash the party to prove a point" I am endlessly curious to know what point was proven and to who? Her parents (or more specifically her father)??? Oswald??? Did she think he was going to be there and wanted to show out (see what you're missing if you hadn't settled?) But that seems silly, she'd probably want to avoid him.

So maybe herself? Prove to herself that she made it to where she wants to be in life.

I think this one makes a little more sense to me. As I've mentioned in my Fanny meta, Fanny's life is stressful, and she's constantly dealing with so much shit on her plate. Between her controlling husband whose presence doesn't allow for the home to be a safe environment for her to escape the troubles of work life. Work life, where she's dealing with entitled and ungrateful patients on one hand, and on another rude colleagues who make her job harder for no reason; not to mention supervisors and managers above her who she has to answer to. Then, dealing with the smell and sight of bodily fluids of all kinds on top of that. Nursing is a thankless job, that part Fanny was right about. So at the end of the day you want to relax, right?

Well it's hard to do that when all your friends are busy, and your husband's idea for a night of fun is completely different from yours.

Fanny doesn't like to be in her own head. Ever. I think going to the gala was a way for her to let go of her worries and reassure herself that she'd made the right choices. Her life was great. Or actually I guess a better way to frame it would be that Fanny was PRETENDING she had made it. The fact that she was insistent on reminding Cup that she could "go alone" was interesting because I'm almost positive she didn't bring her wedding ring with her that night.

I think for her, this was a different form of escapism than what we are used to seeing. One where she envisions a life of luxury amongst the high echleons of society. Where she could pretend for one night that she wasn't going to go home to a loveless, abusive marriage. Where she won't have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn for grueling work as a nurse dealing with ink illness patients. One where she could be Cinderella for just one moment before the clock struck twelve. To pretend for a night that she was a single, young woman without a care in the world.

But we see how that turned out for her, and THIS is the part that left me puzzled by the end.

This girl is DRUNK.

And not even in the fun way where you go out with friends and come back fucking washed. She's pouty, miserable, and moody as hell when Cuphead stumbles upon her while leaving.

To get that bedazzled and feeling yourself. Pulling out all the stops to look good for a fun night out to THE biggest party of the year, only to be midway through the gala and sloshed put of your damn mind bemoaning how much you ended up hating the whole thing. I have a good guess as to why she hated the party, probably along the same reasons that Cuphead despises events like these. In Fanny's case, I think it reminds her a little too much of what she came from.

I suppose I'm more confused as to why she assumed this party would NOT be like that? What exactly did she expect from an event like this? Why go at all? She knew she would be the third wheel of what was very clearly an expensive all-out date between Puphead and Dovil. Why even waste your time on something like this? You wouldn't have any company, and as far as I know, I don't think Red went to that event either and stayed at the house with the patients? Even if she had gone, she's as much of a public figure as Oddswell, being his assistant and all, and wouldn't have had time to properly chat with Fanny through the night.

Betty isn't anyone important enough to go to an event like that. So, with few options and all her friends fairly busy, I ask, what the hell was the point? Of course, any single person could go to the gala alone, but most of those women who would go alone were probably of some importance enough that they could mingle with those in their class, right? Plus, the dance floor. Plenty of seats available to simply observe while eating and drinking. Diné, the black cat woman Bendy danced with at the gala, is a good example of this. Far as I know she didn't come with anyone and yet she was clearly having a grand time.

Anyways, I just find the whole thing strange, but this is my general speculation on why I believe she went. Even then I still think it odd, cause I feel like she could have just as easily gone to a regular club and had that experience.

NOTE: Was going to originally include Cuphead as a possibility, taking into account that the Cupanny Evil Author chapter seemed to hint that Fanny asked Cuphead to be her plus one to the gala. But that part just doesn't make sense to me, there's no way it didn't slip that Cup had a plus one, it would be silly to think she would pull a goofy stunt like that when she knew he was a public figure and all eyes would be on him through the night.

[inchidentally]

https://www.tumblr.com/piastrisms/738775293993549824?source=share

I NEED YOUR ANALYSIS OF THIS VIDEO! PLEASE <3

okay listen this has spun me out into a whOLE thing so let's take another trip down a road I like to call Why is the Non-RPF Real Life Relationship between Oscar and Lando So Endearing and Boyish and Sweet:

so my absolute favorite thing about Lando's face when he's relaxed or in his natural element is how absolutely every. single. emotion. he's feeling is broadcast at equal volume. his vulnerability is a massive part of his charisma. but! he has to have the right habitat! streaming, Youtube, his lifelong friends - those are the right habitat.

F1 is not naturally the right habitat.

when Carlos found Lando on his proverbial driver's doorstep he did not know what to make of him and Lando was barely able to squeak out a few words around anyone new or when a camera was around. but! Carlos trained Lando into how to bounce a dynamic between the two of them just like he'd been doing with his last awkward baby, Max. interestingly Max was much more excitable and eager to please of the two and Lando's intense shyness took a LOT of work to get past. but once Carlos had gotten the drift of Lando's super silly sense of humor it was smooth sailing. and then with Daniel it was even easier because half the time Daniel knew he was expected to carry the conversation. it's interesting because Lando allowed a bit of that old shyness to come back and it definitely disarmed Daniel a bit in a satisfying way. but thanks to those big personalities, Lando found his F1 self and even started to deal back and lead occasionally. of course DTS and a lot of media pilloried him for this because apparently what Carlos and Daniel do naturally is seen as snottish and bratty for him to do. the Youtube/streamer personality where he felt so safe did not at all translate onto other platforms and media.

so it hasn't been smooth sailing for Little Lando Norris to know how to be as a person in F1.

cut to 2023 and with the advent of Oscar we've seen a slow dismantling of Lando's F1 PR personality completely in his content with Oscar over the season. their very first unboxeds Lando was still wearing his guarded PR face and assuming he should lead and carry all the content. it was still sort of around for the Jenga/Garden Games challenges but had started to soften around the Austin filming (including the Finish the Lyrics classics). at some point, Lando truly realized that Oscar would still be fond of him even when Lando was in a terrible, low blood sugar type mood (Tic Tac Toe etc) and oh wow!

their content could really just be Lando being whatever he was feeling that day/that moment and Oscar smiling and finding him funny/cute/fascinating! that was enough! he didn't even know that was allowed! (and maybe it wouldn't have been if Oscar wasn't there to bolster him)

and that's when we started getting unguarded, authentic Lando instead of entertaining Lando. and it's because Oscar was the person next to him representing all of us, trying to tell Lando that we just wanted to see him. we didn't care if he was 'on' or not. he's just an interesting outdoor cat we want to watch go about his life.

which is why we got Lando letting himself sit and stare right back at Oscar like this.

where we can see his expressions do that slow blossoming thing, and right in full view of just Oscar. it's the anti-DTS material because it isn't open to the camera and easy to manipulate. narrative television hates when two people go into quiet, subtle communication because it can't be made into a false dramatic arc. (trust me they'll invent one using chopped up footage and even more chopped up commentary lol they always do but it'll be uphill work)

but when you contrast this with the nonstop, quick back-and-forth Lando has with Carlos and Daniel it's where we pick up on the something that's so unique to Lando with Oscar. it's wrong and making way too big an assumption to say it's a closer friendship bc you can't quantify other people's friendships that way. but it's very, very different to those friendships. and the biggest difference that we on the outside can see is that Lando allows himself to determine exactly How He Will Be. and that might change from one minute to the next! and that doesn't always go down well with most people!

but every time, no matter what, Oscar smiles and laughs and everything Lando does is alright. he gets it. Lando means no harm and he's got a good, warm heart. if he likes you then that won't change just because his mood changes.

like their end of season message. Lando went from doing a great job summarizing his thoughts for the viewers, handed it over to Oscar and just... watched. didn't get bored and stare at the camera or off into space. I actually compiled just how often Lando spends staring openly at Oscar into one long gif lol:

he fully knows he's still on camera but he turns himself into a viewer instead of bouncing around and off of what Oscar is saying. Oscar gave him that, he can give it right back.

and there's no specific Lando-Oscar dynamic like there is Lando-Carlos and Lando-Daniel. hell, Lando's got a dynamic with just about anyone. except! Max F, Martin Garrix (and probably quite a few of his friendships that we're never actually even shown) and Oscar. with those people we see Lando be precisely whatever he's feeling at that moment because they'll either indulge it or enjoy it depending on how good or bad the mood is. if it's Lando, it's all good.

I feel like there's a commonality with those people of being quiet but strong as opposed to the big and bold of most of the F1 drivers on the grid. Max F absolutely has obvious similarities to Oscar (I still love how much he sided with Oscar when he watched the 'most likely to' video). I don't know a lot about Martin but it's literally a DJ's job to be enough apart from the crowd to read it and they set the energy passively through what they spin. Oscar is a fun guy who loves being around the people he cares about but he's never The Guy that it all turns around.

and for their own reasons, they find Lando inherently fascinating and lovable. whereas Lando has to inhabit Carlos', Daniel's, George's, etc etc worlds because they are in themselves The Guy Everyone's Watching just like Lando. Lando has to share. he has to figure it out. but guys like Max F and Oscar do not have the energy or interest in being The Guy. they'd choose privacy over popularity every single time if they were made to. and actually come to think of it, they have actively chosen privacy at the expense of popularity quite a few times.

because let's look at Oscar's face when Lando teasingly brings up Oscar's sprint win:

Oscar gives Lando that genuine, affectionate smile and ducks his head because he wants Lando to know that he appreciates it. in truth, that Sprint win was hailed by wider F1 community as being a massive achievement for a rookie in the Max V era of dominance. they both know that it is. but Oscar didn't posture or show off about it and for that Lando has made sure to bring it up on his behalf time and again. Oscar gave him that, Lando can give it back to him.

which is even sweeter going back to that post race video because Oscar gives Lando that same affectionate, private smile. he's had to throw the video's content over to Lando and Lando gave him that big affectionate smile first because this is how they do these videos. it's always awkward - especially if their results that day weren't great - but they know that together they can do these videos and share a laugh over how absurd it feels sometimes.

and the hint of a private joke between the two of them is there early on and you can just feel Lando relax into it.

and when you skip all the way to their last race media duties and this interview, it truly surprised me how much Lando kept checking in with Oscar - the rookie! -as he was answering. when he found himself giving boring PR answers he threw in a joke that he knew Oscar would crease up over. sure enough it loosened them both up.

and like, that's where the vulnerability and openness comes from now with Lando. he's got a teammate who is basically the same age, who gets him and who actively wants Lando to just be Lando. who clearly threw Lando at first by inadvertently foiling those attempts to establish a dynamic or a bromance. who Lando probably at first thought was just shy and awkward. but Oscar stayed true to who he is and kept that door open for Lando to eventually walk through.

so when it's the two of them, it's everyone else who's on the outside looking in. they're just being themselves. if that doesn't make everyone else feel entertained or happy they honestly don't care - and will probably share a secretive little smile about it.

it's also why they sometimes do that twinning thing and creep everyone out asfgjlaflsgjf

[k1drobot]

People assumed much about Megatronus and Orion's relationship before the war broke out. The intimate, private history was always outweighed by the grand and operatic droves of war. No one really cared much about the fine details, because why should they? A few incorrect assumptions here and there wouldn't hurt anything. It was past.

Megatron clenched his fist, on the throne of New Kaon, the throat of this whole new world in his claws.

Orion was the carrier. He had loved Megatronus, and Orion had brought the sparkling all the way to term, only for the gladiator, Megatronus, to kill it in a rage-blind rampage. Thrown it against the nearest wall as if it were nothing but scrap metal, his decepticon mind brimming with evil intentions. Or maybe Megatronus left Orion with the care of the child, who later died to war, exposure, disease. Or maybe it had been a stillbirth. The newscasters couldn't seem to decide what story was more slanderous. Did it matter that it was all a total lie? Of course not. It was about political tactics and cheap shots. Anything to make that filthy, mouthy, rebellious low-rank keep his helm down and out of the higher-powers way.

His lip curls in fury. His face burns into anger, melts away into something calmer. Something much rarer to see on the warlord's face, mournful of a being that never was.

Megatron had been the carrier. He was a carrier type after all, not Orion, not Optimus Prime. He and Orion had loved each other fiercely, and because Orion was a hopeless romantic with too much charm for a simple archivist, and Megatronus was so, so easy to swoon over him, it resulted in a lot of… hands-on activities. And a lack of proper preventative measures, to the point where he'd told Orion that bluntly, and Orion had just grinned all broad and silly, like the likelihood of it was both impossible and beautiful.

And since Megatronus had been charmed, and was so deep in puppy love to the point where some fucking how he thought risking being knocked up was a good idea, he grinned too, and they had continued, until Megatronus had felt that minor little shift in his energy levels, that little charge somewhere deep within, and he knew.

Looking back, it was the worst thing that had ever happened to him, by far. Nothing really compared, not in relation to this. He much rather would've lost his vision or had impaired audio input if he could've been spared of this. But at the time, he'd been so excited. Scared of course, for many reasons including the toiling political climate and his involvement, the decepticon rebellion on the verge of blooming, the rising tension all over Cybertron. But it was also refreshing how… normal his fear had been. All the classic questions and what-ifs that every parent had, has, and always will have. Would he be a good carrier? Would the sparkling like him? Would they like their sire? Would Soundwave babysit?

Upon hearing the news, Orion had gone blank, then that wide, ridiculous, dorky smile rose on his face, followed quickly by tears, frantic hugging. Promises of love, devotion, the little librarian absolutely weeping with joy. It was ridiculous, and overly dramatic. He would never admit that he, too, had cried in sheer contagious happiness.

It was stupid. It was so fucking stupid. How he thought, how either of them thought they would ever live in a universe where they could do something like that together was foolish. They couldn't have everything they wanted. The universe was not swift to balance the scales, however. It had been slow. Long enough that Orion and Megatronus had even, Primus forbid, got caught up in picking a name. They had come to something of a bargain, because both were too stubborn to relent; if it was a femme, Megatronus could pick the name. If it was a mech, Orion got to pick.

"I like Skywatch. Doesn't Skywatch sound nice?"

"I know too many other miners with the word 'watch' in their names, Orion. Please pick something better, or the sparkling is going to get bullied."

"Backdome? Savageblitz? Slipstream? Silverwing?"

"... Slipstream and Silverwing are alright. Where in the pit you thought of those other two I don't want to know."

He grits his fanged denta on the twisted throne, some kind of ache, dull and reverberating, in his abdomen at the wash of horrible memories. They never settled on a proper designation. Not that it would’ve done any good.

Fate seemed to laugh at him at every turn. Even after the war had begun, he still had the sparkling in its gestational period. It was still too young to make a change in appearance on his body, but it was there. He and Soundwave had sworn to keep it an absolute secret. No one, absolutely no one, decepticon or otherwise, could know about it. Both the sparkling itself and the fact that Megatron was a carrier type. Both would be catastrophic.

And Orion… Optimus had not said anything after his graduation to a Prime. By then, the war was in full swing, bombings, poisonings, and more subtle ways of warfare had exploded into long winded battalions. At the time it had perplexed him, even slightly offended him that the Prime didn't seem at all interested in their child's status. Megatron had thought the Prime a coward for that.

It wasn't until a few vorns later that he thanked Primus the Prime never asked.

It wasn't even a big fight. Two mechs, autobots, had charged him from behind, guns blazing and swords drawn. He didn't see them in time, one grabbing his upper arms and shoving him violently forward, the other making haste with his blade, slashing the warlord on his side while the other fired a plasma shot into the flank of his shoulder. He'd shaken them off, blasted them with his fusion cannon, spearing one with the fool's own greatsword. They had been easy kills.

It was four days later that he noticed the change. Something was off. He didn't feel as heavy. His lower abdomen hurt constantly, a low, radiating ache. The lower part of his back was worse, he felt like vomiting if he bent forward just a touch too far. He woke up one morning to find energon leaking between his thighs, horror and realization stark in his face. He'd miscarried.

The warbird swallows heavily on his seat atop the universe, his to rule, his to conquer and assimilate, his to make unto himself, a brand new Cybertron.

He hadn't told anyone for weeks. He went into battles with unnatural scorn, swinging at his enemies with a ferocity that was volumes worse than ever before. It wasn't until Soundwave noticed, because Soundwave always noticed, that he'd finally had a breakdown. The TIC had approached him in his berthroom one night, because the warlord hadn't left it in three days. He hadn't cleaned the blood off his berth yet, and the blood on his thighs still left a faint blue hue on the metal. He was sleepless, delirious with grief and exhaustion.

His comms officer had not said anything, as usual. Instead, he approached the warlord slowly, as if he were doing so with a stray animal. With a gentleness that Megatron had not felt for too long, Soundwave rested a spindly hand on his shoulder, his head slowly moving to the mess on the bed, and back to Megatron's deadened eyes.

"I don't have it anymore, Soundwave." Megatron had rasped. "I don't have it." He repeated, his voice breaking.

Soundwave held the massive mech as he'd cried, wept heavy tears into the spy's arms, his extra appendages surrounding his large frame, cradling him close. He hadn't at all hesitated to drink in the affection. He couldn't have Orion's, not anymore. After the incident, Megatron didn't talk about it, and Soundwave chose not to bring it up again. It just sat there, in the corner of his mind. A specter, there to haunt him.

His claw carves a deep scratch into the iron throne.

He wanted to tell Orion. He couldn't, but he had wanted to. Or rather, he wanted to tell Optimus Prime, because Orion Pax was dead and gone, scattered to the winds just like Megatronus, just like the child. He gnaws his tongue in thought.

Megatron got close to telling the Prime, a few times. He was tempted in the height of battle, just to spur Optimus on, just to crawl under his skin and see if anything he could say would jostle that unshakeable stoicism. But he never did. Something about the idea of it felt justified to him, that the Prime should only find out in the most inappropriate of means, covered in each other's blood and wounded beyond what should be survivable. But working up the will to do it, finding the drive within himself to go through with it, it just didn’t seem to be there. It felt… too personal. Too sacred. Even in the mist of utter failure, when the possibility of bringing up such a topic could tactically benefit him, he never did so.

He supposed Optimus likely had a good idea of what happened anyhow, since a decepticon youngling had never been seen on the Nemesis. Energon was precious and scarce, the mere thought of bearing a child on the warship was unheard of amongst the ranks. The risk was so high it was tantamount to near instant death. If not from starvation, then neglect due to the carrier having to fight in battle so often, or simply being assassinated by a particularly bitter rival. The environment was totally opposed to any youth.

He exhaled, long and deep.

Taking another sire was never appealing after that, nor the prospect of finding another partner. Everything felt hollow. No one would be able to seal that kind of wound within his spark. Even after all these millions of years, time long enough for new stars to both be born and die out, that pain had never done anything for him but leave behind its ugly scar. It still felt too raw. It still, sometimes, felt like he bled the blood of his sparkling all over his berth again, the memory claustrophobic and suffocating even as the energon stains had been scrubbed out. He felt comfort exclusively in that his offspring would not live in this world. Yes, he was willing to fight until everything was dust, until the memory of why the fighting even began slipped through his digits like desert sand, but he would not want his child to be born into it. The warlord did not want them to inherit the purgatory that was their race’s current state. If that meant not having them at all, then so be it.

Megatron’s optics felt heavy, his vision blurry. He blinked it away.

[sadistic-softie-vent-blog]

The end of my abuse story/the beginning of my trauma healing:

No words in the entire English dictionary can describe the sensation of the emotional distress of living with my abusive mother, especially in the final months that I was still living with her. Imagine being so far pushed beyond your limits that you don't even know how you're still both sane and alive.

For years and years I did my best to cater to her needs. Obviously I did my chores and my homework and all that normal childhood and teenage stuff, but there were extra things that I had to worry about constantly. I would constantly be terrified every second of my life of making any silly little mistake because making any mistakes in that household got you in trouble.

Even if you didn't make a mistake. If you did something in a way that annoyed her. If you did something too slowly or too quickly. If you didn't do something she had expected you to automatically know that you should do. Anything like that was met with long harsh scoldings. Screaming, berating, belittling. Making you feel like you are worthless. Making you feel like no matter how far you got in life you wouldn't survive without her. Making you feel like an idiot, a jerk, ungrateful, pathetic.

You could never be enough to her, and because of that, you had to hang on to every word she said in desperation to at least try and be half decent enough to live among the rest of humanity, feeling like you would never deserve it. She said the typical things. I never thought anything of it. I was indenial for a very very long time. I defended her. Almost worshiped her. Thinking that if I just did things exactly how she wanted me to do them... Acted exactly how she wanted me to act, that maybe one day I would be good and smart enough to make it in the outside world. That she wouldn't be telling me constantly to “use my brain” because I'm “not that stupid”

The whole time I never realized that she was manipulating me. That I was actually quite okay on my own. That I was technically above average. I still don't believe it. The ideas are very deeply sent to my mind that I'm inadequate. Because I believed her for so long. And I let her be my only source for information for the longest time, too. Every single day of my life for all of those years that I was living under her, I was anxious at the very least.

Typically, I was so anxious that I had a pit in my stomach all day long. I could never really relax and it was exhausting. I feel like I was walking on eggshells every moment. No matter what I did or how I did it or how much I tried to appeal to her, there was always something she would find that I did wrong or should have done. During brief good times I knew that the yelling and screaming would always come eventually.

Most days consisted of me just doing everything that I thought I could in order to maintain balance between not pissing her off and not wanting to kill myself. This method rarely ever worked, but it did help lessen the severity of things. In order to reduce how much he really yelled at or avoid being screamed at in my home.

These were the things you have to constantly keep in mind or do to survive living with her:

You had to make sure not to get too sad. If you got too sad she would yell at you for not using your therapy appropriately or she would try to invade your privacy to see what was going on, making assumptions about you that you could not dismiss no matter how much proof you had. She would continue to push your boundaries until she figured out exactly what was making you upset or you came up with something to get her off your tail. Either way it would be likely to end in either a very uncomfortably straining and stressful boundary pushing, or a one-sided yelling argument. 

You had to make sure to never show or express anger or have angry energy. Either she would kick you out of the house or she would do what she does for when you get too sad. She may also demean you if you are angry or tell you that you don't deserve to feel angry or sad because she has had a worse life. She provides for you, and you have an easy life, so you can't have any negative emotions.

You couldn't get too excited or laugh without a “reason to laugh.” If you started to laugh at something you were thinking about in your head, she would threaten to send you to a mental hospital. 

Sexual exploration was a no-go. If she found you doing anything sexual or sexually related other than regular masturbation, she would give you hell. No writings. No drawings. No kinks, and especially no sexual questions or conversations. If you're caught, she might do any of the stuff mentioned above, humiliate you, or threaten to send you to the military.

Do not be a furry. She is in the firm belief that ALL furries are either zoophiles and or pedophiles. 

Do not have desire to have gender affirming treatment of any kind. “You don't want it.” “You will regret it.” “Never ruin your body”

Make sure you do everything according to her common sense. You won't know what this is, but she will get upset if you don't do what she would do. You have to know stuff you don't know automatically. You have to anticipate her. If you think you're doing the right thing, you're doing the wrong thing. Either way, she'll still get upset. If you think you're doing something to appease her, you're likely also doing the wrong thing. This is entirely luck-based. If you don't know something she expected you to know or do something she deems stupid, expect any of the behaviors from above. Expect to also be told to get out of her face if you try to fix the situation. 

Do not just do your own chores or the basic house chores. You need to take responsibility for everything. You need to clean up after your siblings and after her. You also need to reorganize all the storage. You need to deep clean the kitchen, the living room, the basement, the dining room. Organize the basement, organize the living room, organize the kitchen, sweep, mop, vacuum, feed and clean up after the rabbits, maintain the yard. Do not ask for help. Do not get your siblings to pitch in. If you do, the job will be done slower than you need it to be done. You need it to be done before she gets home. If the house looks terrible by the time she gets home she will be upset with you for not getting the others to help you. She will also be upset because you never help her do anything. She will be upset because you are lazy and selfish. 

Never, under any circumstances, ask her for help with anything. It will end in severe breach of privacy and boundaries. It will end with you crying. It will end in screaming and threats and insults. She will also be upset with you if you don't ever ask her for help with anything, so occasionally ask her very simple and quick questions. Get it over with as quickly as possible for your own sake. 

You need to remember that all of her problems are your fault, and you're very unappreciative and rude if you disagree. She doesn't have to give you food and clothing and shelter. She does it because she loves you. You are merely a child with no job. Care from her is a privilege. Thank her for being so kind to you. 

For your own sake:

Do not make jokes around her 

Do not swear unless you are in a situation in which you are enthusiastically agreeing with her

Do not talk too much about hobbies 

Do not talk about your interests 

Do not talk about what you dislike unless she also is talking about how much she dislikes it

Do not disagree with her 

Do not counter her points 

Do not correct her 

Do not talk back to her 

Do not respond to her unless she explicitly asks you to 

Do not specify your intentions 

You are always wrong to her

Doing any of these things might prompt the responses previously mentioned. 

If you fuck up, she might break your things or remove your door. She might force you into a program or to otherwise do things you don't want to.

Have extra caution if she's holding a hand towel. Remain silent if she has a belt.

You must be medicated and in therapy for your mental illness whether or not you want to be. You must display that your therapy is working. Therapy is not working for you it's “your fault” you must bring up humiliating things in therapy upon her request, even if they are entirely normal and will only serve to embarrass you. 

Don't let her catch you crying, venting, ranting, talking to yourself, listening to music out loud, listening to anything out loud, being mildly annoyed, being annoyed, being tired, being scared, or being frustrated. She will pretend to care about it at first. It's a trap.

Never have medical issues. That pisses her off extra. Pretend that you don't have them. Hide and treat them and treat them the best you can on your own. If she discovers something that you were doing to treat it, do not tell her you're treating a medical condition. Make something else up and let her be angry at you for that instead. You are unfortunately better off this way. 

Do not have chronic pain. Your treatment is not worth it to her and she will be extremely pissed off about paying for nothing. 

Try your best to relax as little as possible but do not overwork yourself because that also pisses her off. 

Do not be alone for too long. She gets very upset if you don't hang out with her even though she doesn't want to hang out. Do not ask her to do any activities with you. She will get irritated. Remain in the same room with her for as long as possible. Maybe do puzzles, doodle, or read to keep yourself busy. Don't look at her for too long, but make sure you acknowledge her presence by looking at her occasionally. 

Do not draw anything that isn't happy around her. If you're drawing a character it needs to be smiling. Do not ever draw gore or violence around her or consume it media with Gore or violence around her. She will cite it as the reason for your mental illness. She will never forget it. She will always bring it up.

Constantly tell her that you love her by either saying it out loud, blowing her kisses, or signing it. This can also induce a positive response from her in which she tries to competitively tell you that she loves you more than you love her. This is a good state for her to be in.

If you disagree with her, don't say it. Tell her you agree. Tell her she is right. If you don't, it will end in disaster. 

NEVER let her find out you self harmed, even if it was by accident. She will not believe you.

If you tell the truth, she will not believe you. She will never believe you. You need to stick to your points without making any points. There is no argument. There are no opinions. You listen to her and you do what she says.

End list

This crap is all why I felt so helpless and trapped. I wanted to get out but I had to wait until I had a way to, which never really came technically. 

In the few months or so that I was with her, I had already been pushed so far beyond my limit that I genuinely felt like I was a robot. I had put myself into appeasement mode at all times and had all my emotions shut off except for anything that I needed in order to survive. Everyday was being constantly terrified and going through the motions. More than anything I was exhausted, because my abilities to meet expectations were starting to dwindle. I was slowly getting less and less capable of the effort required to maintain her mental state. I was wearing down quickly and pushing far beyond my limits. All of this was happening at the same time as her expectations of me were rising, so I got strained further and further. Constantly exhausted and trying to keep up with things I couldn't keep up with. I couldn't stop and just rest either because when I rested the punishments were even worse than when I was simply just inadequate. I was constantly falling short and constantly being punished for it despite all my efforts. 

Every day I was surprised at my ability to still even be sane. Every day felt like I was being pushed further beyond my limits. I didn't feel real and I didn't feel human and I didn't feel like I had an identity beyond my name, my gender, my location, my mental illness, and my ethnicity. My personality had fully vanished, and I could no longer tell who I was at all, or if I had ever actually been anything beyond a vessel to appease her. I wasn't even living for myself anymore. I didn't consider myself alive at this point. I was just living for her and so my family wouldn't have to find a body. They'd already endured enough trauma.

I stopped caring about the injustice of being treated this way while my brothers always got treated normally. I was growing numb to the fact that my sister was being treated the same way I was. My internal rage about my sister being physically abused while I wasn't was turning into a poison that was eating me alive because I knew I could do nothing about it. I know that DCF only ever made things worse.

My only escapes from life and simultaneously the only things that ever made me feel alive were masturbating, drinking excessive amounts of soda until I vomited, going on walks until my feet burned, and taking the opportunity to do absolutely nothing whenever I was at my father's house every other weekend. Most days I questioned if I even count it as a person anymore. Everything I did was just the bare minimum of what I needed to do to remain alive and in existence. I tried to act like a person. I tried to act normal, but I didn't really understand what normal humans did.

The way I spoke and moved became more and more robotic and lifeless. I began to talk about myself as if I were a robot because I felt like a machine. My hobbies were so empty and desperate. I lost all concept of time. Everything felt like eternity. I started to almost believe that I had actually died and gone to some sort of hell long ago. I wanted to die because there was no way out of this hell that I could see. It was either that I run away Into the wilderness or my father's house and get caught and brought back to her and experience even worse abuse, or run into the wilderness, never get caught, and die to the elements.

I deeply contemplated killing myself the week before I left her house. The night I left was a disaster.  She had been having a mental breakdown and screaming and stomping about all the things she usually did, but more violent and aggressive. It was worse than the time she shook the house from tearing her room apart, slamming the door so many times it broke the frame, and punching a hole in the wall. This aggression was all emotional, uncontained, and directly at us.

She screamed about how the house, which was fairly clean, looked horrendous even though it looked the way that she usually would have praised me and taken me out to dinner for. She threatened to kill herself before getting into the car and driving away. We only found out a little bit later that she was at a friend's house and it would be staying the night.

Before she left, she made a point to scream at me. Humiliating me by screaming at me not to indulge in my fetishes, screaming for me not to cut myself (I wasn't doing anything), and screaming at me that I'm not allowed to have a mental breakdown at the same time as she did (I was keeping a neutral face and remaining blank for her). I really could not take any more of it by the time she was gone.

I was going to kill myself that day, but I got desperate knowing what I would be doing to my family if I did that. I started packing as much as I could into a few bags and a luggage. I didn't have a plan at all. It was all spontaneous, extremely desperate and risky. At that point I didn't even know if my mom would be coming back or not yet. I called my dad to come get me, told my siblings I'd be leaving, and took my stuff and my rabbit with me. I couldn't leave my rabbit behind with the person who let her starve for a week while I was on vacation with my dad.

The following weeks we're just as miserable as living with her. The constant anxiety, fear and nausea. She tried to trick me into coming back by love bombing me, which was usually followed by angry guilting. She was always extremely good and guilting. She even hugged it out with me, bought me flowers, and apologized once before immediately taking me back what she said in a salty letter accusing me of trying to make her apologize for her depression, which is something I never said or implied. I was only ever trying to cut her off.

I know she knew that it wasn't about that one night. And if she really does think that it was about that one night, I don't really think she *cared* about me as much she has she claimed to *love* me. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. My struggle was extremely obvious in the prior weeks and she was using her own mental breakdown to tear down *me specifically* on that night, making a point to even follow me to my room to take it out on me. Everyone noticed that I had already been in a mental spiral before that point. Everyone knew I was getting more and more depressed and robotic despite my efforts to hide it. If she didn't notice, she would have been the only one. I just think it would be a terrible coincidence. 

Once I was finally completely cut off from her, I completely isolated myself. I locked myself in my new bedroom in the basement and I didn't leave unless I was eating or using the bathroom. I spent most of my time trying to stay awake as much as possible while doing a little less possible. Mostly just playing games or watching TV shows or YouTube. I was terrified to fall asleep because every time I did I would have nightmares about her and my other traumas.

The nightmares got so bad it was to the point where I would stay up for over 48 hours on purpose just to avoid sleeping, which led to even further exhaustion, depression, and sometimes hallucinations. This all did get better over time and I did end up in a much better emotional place and mental place, but I am still deeply affected by everything that took place and all of the years of abuse that I endured.

I just have a lot of feelings about my mother. I know she was a victim of abuse, herself. I firmly believe that she genuinely thought that what she was doing was the best for me. I do have my own opinions about certain things and the way that she treated me versus my other siblings, but I do know that her intentions were well and her heart was in the right place. Or at least I like to believe that. Things aren't black and white, but I do know that my pain and my suffering were too much to bear any longer and I just couldn't be a part of her life anymore.

[mark-of-chrysus]

With Danny being on loop for thousand of times already wouldn't he also have genderbend of him-self? I wonder what changes in everyone perspective. Especially gun since that guy is a pervert as Goo says.

Maybe she could make this work?

Being a woman was hard. Being an attractive woman was a nightmare, plain and simple. Simply put, being looped into a female body was a lesson in many things, including but not limited to patience, tolerance, humility, and the sheer ability to put up with so much bullshit on a daily basis that it made Danny want to pull her hair out of her skull strand by strand.

To begin with, everyone seemed to suddenly view him as an unowned object, ready for the taking. That was usually resolved with a couple broken bones and broken egos, though some people took more convincing to finally get the message.

Patience. Cross.

Then came the pain. And blood. Oh, god, so much blood! And the pain could be utterly unbearable, leaving him curled on the floor just prying for it to go away. He knew what periods were, of course, but no one had ever told him they could get this bad!

Tolerance. Cross.

Society as a whole apparently expected him to act as if she was less of everything they had applauded him for being. They saw her achievements as boasting or cheating, yet jeered whenever she would get lower than they expected. Nothing she did was ever good enough, but she wasn't allowed to do better. Danny was no stranger to the bigotry of men, but its hist had never resonated in him quite how they did then.

Humility. Cross.

When the assumptions and expectations came she just decided to call it quits. Fuck the world!

Ability to deal with bullshit on a daily basis. Cross.

-------------------------------

In an attempt to regain some semblance of control over her life, Danny decided to stock as closely as possible to the original timeline of events. It didn't work.

For one, Jay seemed to be actively avoiding her. She could understand that, but it didn't mean it hurt any less. At least he still remained friendly with her, if a bit shyer than before.

Zack was another problem. He had annoyed her enough to make her fight him during the second day, but the outcome had been much more different. The boxer was defeated by a girl in front of the whole school, wounding his pride, but since then he had taken to trying to embarrass her in a twisted attempt at payback. It wasn't pretty, but she knew that with enough time he would grow more mature, as he always did, and perhaps there would be hope for e reconciliation.

Similarly to her two classmates, many of her usual friends acted rather oddly in her presence or didn't interact with her at all. The exception to this was, surprisingly, the two troublemakers from the Vocal Department.

Danny had no idea how she did it, but she has somehow gotten adopted into their little clique and they stuck to her like glue ever since, even going as far as leaving Duke alone when she asked them. Their silly antics were a balm to the ache in her soul that had come with losing the chance to bond with the people that she held dear in the same way she always did. That wasn't a problem, the fighting prodigy told herself, she would just have to find new ways to bond with them. For now, she was content with the two friends she had, however odd their friendship might've been. She might be able to make this work.

"HUH? That's stupid!" Vin Jin said a bit louder than he had to, secretly trying to wake his black-haired friend from whatever trance she was in.

"You just can't figure out how great it is because you're a moron!" Mary retorted, gripping the girl's elbow. "Isn't that right Danny?"

That got her to snap out of her thoughts and look up at the bickering pair. She gave them a clueless smile and nod, unaware of them sighing in relief as she once again joined in on the conversation. She had the habit of getting lost in thought every once in a while and they worried about how vulnerable it left her. That's why they could never leave her side. Even now, they could feel the hungry gazes coming from all over the cafeteria, aimed at the beautiful transfer girl. She may be strong enough to fight them off, but that didn't stop those freaky perverts from thinking all sorts of creepy shit about her.

Mary and Vin held a silent conversation between them as the girl ate, cluelessly. These trance-like episodes had become more frequent in the past week and they needed to find a way to put a stop to them. The School Festival was coming up, which is when the two convened to put their plan into action.

When Zack was chosen for the Slave Auction Danny could only cringe and give him her best wishes. Usually, when he was chosen for the Auction in previous loops either he would have to spend a hellish date with Lala or Crystal would come save him, then give him the same speech about not judging people based on their looks. This usually ended in one of two ways, he would lose his temper and yell back, leading to Gun pummeling him into the floor, or he would take it quietly before informing Crystal that he couldn't go out with her because he didn't like her, and would, again, end up kissing the pavement, courtesy of her bodyguard overreacting and hitting him (what a shocker!).

The event went as expected, with Crystal buying the boxer and them leaving for the parking lot. Only, this time Danny followed behind them, as did her two best friends. They didn't even bother sneaking around, just followed closely behind, curious to see what would happen.

"Oh, so it's that way, huh" The black-haired beauty muttered under her breath, seeing Zack's expression grow stormier with each passing moment before he erupted into a screaming match with the Choi heiress.

"Who would've thought that cheeky bugger would still have it in him!" Vin mused out loud next to her, entertained.

Mary agreed, unbothered by the growing tension. Before any of them could blink Danny had bolted from her place, skidding to a halt right in front of the screaming boy. A few centimeters from her face she held Gun's ankle in a vise-like grip, her eyes narrowed sharp and unmoving from the bodyguard's face.

Zack stumbled back half a step, swallowing the knot in his throat. I didn't even see that coming, how did she get here so fast?! He recalled how she had easily sent him flying with just one punch. Back then he had dismissed it as a fluke, but what if...

Crystal stared at the pretty girl who had stopped Gun's Brazilian kick in silent horror and a trace of awe. She had noticed the three watching them, but hadn't thought anything of it. They looked like your typical high-school students, possibly even bullies. Now that she looked closer, however, there was a certain air of danger around each and every one of them, though most notably from the tall black-haired girl. A cold droplet of sweat slid down her cheek, she needed to stop this before it got out of hand!

One look at Gun's face told her that it was too late. He was smiling, no, grinning that abnormally large grin of his that only came when he saw someone as a challenge. His glasses had been discarded onto the ground, revealing the demonic-looking black eyes behind them. This wasn't a fight that could be prevented. Frantically, Crystal pulled out her phone and dialed her father, prying that the maniac wouldn't kill the girl until then.

"Yes, Crystal?" Charles' voice held a note of annoyance to it that, were she not panicking, she would've hesitated before.

"It's Gun" she relayed into the phone panicky "he's gotten into a fight with some girl! He's got that crazy grin of his and he's taken off his glasses-"

A loud thud sounded from behind her and she turned to look, expecting the worst. Crystal froze with her mouth wide open, blinking dumbly at the scene before her. It wasn't the bold girl's body laying bloody and motionless on the concrete. It was Gun's. His shirt was ripped and his hair a mess. His body was a mess of red and able and purple, though by the labored rising and falling of his chest he wasn't dead yet. One of his hands was twisted at an unnatural angle and the other looked very much broken, the bone visibly poking out beneath the skin, near his elbow.

Zack was looking on in a mix of horror and awe, frozen in place by the display of such skill and ruthlessness. She's fast...and deadly, he thought to himself, paling a bit. Meanwhile, Vin and Mary seemed unbothered by the sight and cheered their friend on, the latter holding a phone in her hand and probably filming the ordeal.

"Crystal! CRYSTAL!" Her father's voice snapped her out of it and she was once again able to speak.

"He's down. Out cold. Not dead though." She told him, unable to hide the tremor in her voice. "I didn't even have time to see-"

A shadow loomed over her trembling body and she slowly rose her head. The girl's gaze was detached and cold like she was staring down at a tiny mouse not worth her time. When she spoke her voice sounded like a mix between satisfied and indifferent.

"Take him back."

Crystal could only nod with her eyes tightly shut, feeling this predator's hot breath on her face. She scurried towards the fallen man and dragged him into the car before getting into the driver's seat and spreading out of the parking lot.

"Woohoo! Holy shit!" A pair of arms draped themselves over her shoulders and she found herself sandwiched between two warm bodies.

"That was fucking epic!" Vin praised the shorter girl, while his blonde friend nodded in agreement from the other side.

Danny allowed herself a small smile at the warm feeling that bloomed in her chest. The coldness in her body was washed away by laughter and other such explicit exclamations and praises. Yeah, she could make this work.

[lyneira]

◇ I'm gonna laugh you right out of my life ◇

-> I've been listening to "I'm Gonna Laugh You Right Out of My Life" (by Nancy Wilson, originally sung by Nat King Cole) and I feel like that it's such a fitting song for Reo if you two ever broke up. Like, listen to those lyrics, ouch...

reo mikage x reader (angst)

I'm gonna laugh you right out of my life,

Laugh, and forget this affair

Guess I was foolish

To care.

Reo has a strong sense of pride, and therefore will act like your breakup doesn't faze him. He'd find it so silly that he ever held so much hope in this relationship. So when all was said and done, he'd convinced himself that it was just a fling, nothing more.

It's funny though.

Considering how much he had wished to see you everyday, how much he had nearly stumbled on his feet whenever your lips, imbued with honey, spoke to him, touched him. This boy was absolutely smitten by you before you two got to this point. He used to look at you with so much adoration. Now the thought of you just makes him laugh.

So I'm gonna dance you right out of my dreams,

Try to be carefree and gay

I guess I'll learn to play

The part.

Indeed, you were his dream.

And that's says lot considering how he found most things boring. Before getting into the relationship, he would search yearn for you, search for you, and wouldn't stop until he had you. Now all of that belonged in the past. He thought that there was no use in sulking over it, but shit- it's terribly hard for him to hide it on his face.

Cause when our friends begin that

Heartless rumor,

I know I'll really need my

Sense of humor.

As we know, Reo's a popular guy. Of course many of his friends would know who you are. They're gonna attempt to mend his ego and "cheer him up" by saying things like you were "never worth it after all", or that they "knew all along you two wouldn't last" because of some false assumption that they had conjured up about you. And all he could is nod, and again, laugh it off.

But oh how they were so wrong.

He had truly loved you and deep down, he had hoped that it could really last...that you two would become something that they could never fathom. Yet, you two had made mistakes that neither of you could endure any longer. It was rough between you two, but it'd be an absolute lie to say you weren't worth it.

I'm gonna laugh you right out of my life,

Make it a beautiful joke.

No one will know you broke

My heart.

Yes, all he can do is laugh. Laugh about it to his friends and to himself. He doesn't know any other way to console himself because it hurts him so fucking much and won't bring himself to admit it.

But if I find you and I

Really meant that last goodbye,

Then I'm gonna laugh so hard,

I'll cry.

Its been months since the break up and he'd hoped that he'd never see you again. Alas, there you were, looking back at him with a small smile on your face. The world seemed to stop and he was frozen in place.

How were you so happy? Who was the one making you happy? Was it the one who was standing beside you right now?

And within a second, you were gone, your new beloved taking you away from the place. Reo would then click his tongue. How foolish was he to think of finding ways to make things right, to get back to you all this time when you were already too far gone from his reach.

So as he walked home, he began to chuckle, and soon, burst out laughing.

Laughing so hard that tears began flowing endlessly down his face.

a/n: I've realized that most of the stuff I wrote for reo is primarily angst. I guess I just want to see him suffer for some reason LMAO 💀

rip reo, maybe I'll write fluff for him someday but not today 😈

© 2023 lyneira. PLEASE DO NOT COPY, PLAGIARIZE, TRANSLATE, OR REPOST MY WORKS ONTO OTHER PLATFORMS

[aanylah-101]

Project A // PILOT?

Hello, Im Aanylah 

I am a human girl living on pandora, I was left behind by my parents. That's right, they had me and left me In the forest to rot and die.

But by eywa I was picked up by some people who didn't even look like me In the slightest, firstly they were blue and way taller than the average person

I found out soon enough that they were recons, and the place I was wasn't even earth. It was a lot to take In yes but I got used to It. This was my home now, I was homeschooled and taught a lot of things.

Like how to survive In the forest If I ever get abandoned again, how to hunt and kill. They had asked me what program I wanted to be In because I couldn't just stay there and not have a profession

I chose my guardians profession, 

A soldier In Project Project Phoenix, or more specifically, the RDA department program. 

I would be as helpful as possible whenever, It got easier to handle me when they finally had time to take my DNA and find out who I belonged to.

Not that It mattered, my family was long gone. I had a new one now, and they were hella cool. Being from 10ft and being blue? How can you not like them?

When I finally turned 13 Lyle had begged me to let him put tattoos on me so I could look like them more, Lyle was one of my guardians, and his position was Lieutenant Colonel. 

Of course, Quaritch said no to this, I wouldn't mind having a small tattoo somewhere on my body. Quaritch was my first and official guardian. I grew up hearing "Colonel" "Sir" & "Boss." But still called him dad, It's what I was trained to call him basically. 

Honestly, though, I wasn't much help due to my small size around large people, I would usually mess something up or just be In the way.

I would still try no matter what, hoping that maybe I'd be helpful or do something impressive, I got this habit from hearing praise from Quaritch.

Once I was aware and gained consciousness of his possession and how dangerous his job was I honored him almost. He seemed brave and tempting and I wanted to be his favorite.

I don't know why, I just thought It would boost my confidence or whatnot. He would tell his team good job and give them pats on the back and etc.

I wanted that

He praised me to, yes, but I wanted more of It,

I was trying to help move some equipment for the mission we'd have, I always liked helping out whenever I could even If It wasn't necessary or would go unnoticed.

While I was stacking and organizing the guns In place I tripped back. I knocked over some dynamite and when I knocked It over I instantly went to pick it up of course but when I saw the name of what It was and the bags happened to be twitching, 

I hurriedly backed up from the explosives but fell by the force of the blow when everything went havoc. 

Smoke was everywhere and I couldn't see or breathe. When everything was faded enough I saw everything dilapidated..

The guns were ruined, the ammo, gear, everything...

When I turned and got back up I stayed still for a moment to make sure nothing else would happen, 

The entire team showed up and a few minutes later, the first thing they saw was me..I had dust and smog on me. The second thing they saw was the ruins around me.

They had their guns out and had a few backups under the assumption that they might have been under attack, but no. It was just a silly kid messing with things she had no business to.

"What the hell happened here?" I heard someone ask but couldn't make out anything due to my eyes being sensitive to the leftover explosions.

There was a slight commotion about the entire situation, everything was destroyed for the mission tomorrow, It was an important mission.

"What the hell Is wrong with you?!"

I knew who that was...It was fike

Everyone goes silent, as though the person shouting indicates some kind of change in the condition we were In. 

"I knocked over..-"

"Are you fucking proud of yourself!" Fike questions while yelling at me

"You've ruined everything!"

The humiliation is so intense, I feel myself, stifling and choking on what I wanted to say. I wanted to look at Quaritch but there was some sense In me that made me feel like he wasn't anything to me at all. 

He wasn't my father..I had no real parental figure. I didn't know who to turn to, that's the thing..

I didn't have anyone to turn to...

The more the stares fell on me the more I felt myself shrinking,

He gives a deep sigh through his nose while examining all the damage,

His expression was so stressful to make out, to know he was despondent with me I just barely bit back tears. I knew I had to stand up for myself though,

"I was just trying to help.." I say strictly, almost In Quaritch's tone,

"Help? Does It look like you've helped by doing anything here?"

"Calm down Fike, It was an accident" I heard Walker say as she put her hand on his shoulder

"At least I tried instead of being a laid-back asshole like you!" I shout 

"That's enough, Go to your room Aanylah"

"But I-"

"Now" he hisses, his voice assertive as he visibly grows furious

"Whose side are you gonna be on huh?"

Listen, kid, you and I? Were nothing to each other, so don't expect me to pick some kid that's not even mine over my own team"

Some kid..? Is that how he really felt? After how much I looked up to him, after how I trained myself to be like him? Im just some fucking kid?!

I looked over and saw Fike grinning to himself, what a self-observed bastard..

"Now don't make me say It again," this time he took a step forward whilst he balled up his fists

I walked back Into the headquarters holding myself and stopping myself from crying, I didn't want to cry. I didn't feel like I deserved It..

In the end from what I heard the mission was postponed until they had all the equipment, they needed again. 

That night I thought about everything, not just what had happened but ever since I had been here. Have I ever done something beneficial?

I was In my thoughts until I heard my door slide open, I didn't bother to look up. Only 3 people had access to my room. That was Quaritch, Lyle, & Zdinarsk.

I'm sure I was able to guess who It was,

Quaritch 

I sank myself more Into my blankets not knowing If he was still mad about what happened,

"Aanylah where're you?"

"Here.." I said sadly, he didn't sound mad, he sounded concerned 

Maybe Its because he didn't know where I was or didn't see me,

His footsteps were quiet and light, I had trained myself to hear the littlest though. I however didn't predict him sitting down on my bed beside me, 

His hand floated over and lightly patted to ensure he didn't crush me as usual. 

"Still upset, huh?" He asked slowly,

"Leave me alone.." I say bitterly without moving to uncover myself,

"Yikes." He muttered. "A little mean, hm?"

"Wonder who I got it from..hm?" I say mocking him,

I feel him rest his hand on my side, but I still refuse to unwrap myself from my shell. I just keep quiet, stubbornly refusing to corporate, acting as though I terribly heartbroken by his words.

Unfortunately, my profoundness doesn't make him give up, he just sighs while stroking my side slowly, 

"I, uh... wanted to let you know that we didn't lose as much equipment as we thought" he said happily,

I fought the urge to yell & fuss, why did he think that one of his lectures would make me feel better? Has he never heard of being left alone?

"That's great," I mutter In a bored tone, finally taking the Inactive to start a conversation 

"Look A, I don't want you thinkin' that your only some lost kid to me ok?" 

"I understand, but please Miles leave me alone."

Miles...

There was a long silence before I felt him get off my bed, I knew I had hurt his feelings I know I know I did... but so did he

I was pessimistic and thought there was no use for me here anyways, I don't know why I stayed. I should have left the day the transfer ship came.

Wait...

That was It....the ships! I hurriedly checked my calendar and desperately looked for the date of the ship's arrival. It would be ready for departure In a week! I could do that, 

I thought maybe I'd just disappear until the next ship came, I could actually do this!

I packed up my things but when I went to grab the last thing I saw a necklace on my nightstand. The large dog-tag part had the word colonel miles Quaritch printed on it. 

I felt regret In my stomach and I tensed up. I remembered him..the man who volunteered to take care of a left-behind infant. I had a thought to turn back but I couldn't do It anymore.

I grabbed the necklace, I don't know why. Maybe to remember him? Or maybe It was because of self-pity.

Who knows

I managed to find a hiding place for the rest of the week, It was easier than I thought. I had packed food already so that was taken care of. After I made sure everyone was asleep I would go Into the gym and shower. 

However I was spotted sometimes and every time I was they would alert the colonel while someone else tried to capture me, I always managed to get away but I had thought I would get caught.

But after a while of me being nowhere to be found and due to the commotion, word spread around quickly, 

"Have you heard about the colonel's lost girl?"

"The colonel lost his daughter!"

"I heard that she was taken by ____!"

Lies lies, and more lies were heard from my hiding space. It was kinda funny when you think about It. To think something Is gone when it's right under your nose.

On the day of the ship transfer, I re-packed my things and went to the departure area. I happened to pass by the place of the incident. I got a visual reminder why I had done everything In the first place.

I tried running to the shuttles until someone called me back, I didn't bother to see who It was I only paced faster to the ships. My adrenaline got heavier once the announcement came on

"5 Minutes until earth transfer departure, I repeat 5 minutes until earth transfer departure"

My attention sprang up as I started running to the ships, and with that, the person behind me began to race after me,

It wasn't safe to be In that area, not for my age 

You didn't need to be a fully grown adult to fly back, you only need your card and some paperwork/papers which Quaritch had so graciously given me after me asking.

I had a head start with running and the voice that had called out to me was distant from what I could hear. I managed to sneak onto the shipping area and hid until the Cryo was ready.

I guess I hadn't heard them call for help or them call for someone because someone grabbed pulling me back and started yelling that they found the girl 

I uneasly looked to see who had grabbed me, I definitely knew I was in trouble 

When I looked it was Zdinarsk, had I not recognized her voice? Is that how focused I was? 

When she saw me look up at her she loosened her grip and hugged me 

Jesus kid, where the hell were you? Why did you run over all this way? 

I stayed quiet and just turned my head to look forward, she sighed and rubbed my back,

Someone had called for Quaritch apparently because a little later he appeared and when he saw me his ears bent back, Im guessing he probably thought It was a false alarm again, he didn't believe I was actually there or found. 

He slowly stepped over to me and hugged me,

He hugged me.. 

He pulled back and asked me a million questions and moved me In different positions to make sure I was ok, 

I smiled and nodded, holding back tears again. 

That's when I saw Fike appear,

"There you are, do you know how much of a scandal you've caused?"

Quaritch let go of me and turned to fike 

"I think that's something I should be askin' you"

"What?" 

"Well, what's the reason she ran away?" Zdinarsk asked In a dumb tone

"Because she's a crybaby," he said dissing It off with a wave of his hand

"Or maybe because of you" I heard Mansk say 

Was the whole team standing up for me? This is hella cool! The arguing went on for a while before Fike gave up and apologized. 

To say the least, I continued my journey on pandora after all.

_____________________________________________________

I didn't have any more Ideas for this story or any idea on how to end It so yeah..

I know this is cringy but I kinda like It? To be honest, Quaritch & Spider are so much like me but I don't know how to display It properly.

That's all for now lol, Bye Angels! 🕊🤍

[destinyc1020]

I'm not sure if you are responding to the Anon or to me, but I personally never said that Vanessa should stay home... I even made a joke about her getting her coins lol! 😅

I just said that I'm sure nobody would blame her if she did. 🤷🏾‍♀️

And yea, she did host the MET last year lol, and people were talking and making videos about how "awkward" it was for them.

Okay now you might need to get a comfortable chair lol....

I'm confused about this "he led her on" comment. How did he lead her on exactly? 🥴 They were in a relationship for like 8 or 9 years. They both loved each other. It's not like he was faking his feelings for her or something.

If he wasn't ready for marriage, or just didn't want to marry her, then it's actually best that they did split up! We honestly don't know what was going on in the relationship tbh. We don't know what conversations they had. If she wasn't okay with dating him or the status quo, she could have walked long time ago. Jmho. But she seemed happier than a clam. 😅 Plus, as a side note: I think it's important to remember that a lot of men tell you early on what the deal is. A lot of times though women don't listen, or they think, "Oh, I'll change him", or "he'll change his mind after x amount of years". Umm..NO lol. Men usually mean what they say, and say what they mean.

I just think it's good to keep in mind that we weren't in their relationship. We don't really know what they had discussed, or what was going on throughout their dating history. Actually, According to sources, they were contemplating marriage while they were dating each other before they broke up.🤷🏾‍♀️ Idk about you, but I believe People magazine over most other gossip pages (or silly fan rumors) because they usually have credible inside sources.

RE: Cheating... This is another thing...I keep hearing people say this (that Austin cheated on her), but anytime I ask for receipts, nobody seems to have them. Please send me the receipts so that I can take a look at them.

I honestly don't know for sure if he cheated... But I can tell you some things that don't add up to me though...

Ashley Tisdale (who got the two of them together) still follows Vanessa, and Vanessa still follows her. Ashley is also still very close to Austin. Explain that, if he cheated on Vanessa? You know that women usually side with the woman if a man cheats. And she knew Vanessa before she knew Austin. So explain this.

Vanessa's sister ALSO still follows Austin. Why is that?? If he cheated on her fleshly sister, why is she still following him, especially when Vanessa and Austin have already long-since unfollowed each other? 🥴 I know if some dude who was with my sister for almost a decade CHEATED on my sister, there's no way I'd still be following him. 😤

Vanessa still follows his sister, and his sister still follows her. Not that social media means everything, but usually this is not typically the case if there's been infidelity going on. His sister is not famous, so unfollowing her (and vice versa) wouldn't even be a big deal.

Vanessa and Olivia have hung out (after Elvis filming) and seem to be quite friendly... Again, very WEIRD behavior from Vanessa if Austin indeed cheated on Vanessa with Olivia (no less) wouldn't you think? 👀

I'm just saying, things aren't really adding up to me. Either that or they are some weirdos lol. 😅

Personally? I think Aus and Vanessa probably split up maybe some time around late Nov 2019...or maybe early Dec 2019? She supposedly also celebrated her birthday and Christmas w/out him, so that might also lead to the assumption that maybe they were already broken up by then? Remember, covid and lockdown wasn't even a thing in 2019, and "Elvis" didn't really start filming until around early 2020. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I actually also suspect that their breakup may have started off as just a "break" (perhaps he felt like he couldn't really devote time to her and this intense role? I have no clue), and maybe there was hope on V's end that they would reconcile, but over time maybe he felt like it was just over. I also think he rebounded with Olivia (his co-star). I definitely feel Vanessa was hurt the most, and you can tell she was probably not expecting things to turn out the way they did...this is just my personal opinion based on some of the things I've observed. But the reality is, when two people break up (especially when you've been together for that long), it's actually painful for both people. This is someone you shared so much of your life with.

Anyway, IF Austin DID indeed cheat on Vanessa, then that was very bad of him to do so, and it wouldn't have been right at all...especially not on someone you've been w/for almost a decade. Look, I'm freely open to believing that he did cheat, but I still have yet to find any actual credible evidence that he did so. You all know me by now... I like to look at actual FACTS. That's just how I am. 🤷🏾‍♀️ It seems like it's mostly fans who are spreading this allegation around for some reason. I have said this many times before and I'll say it again... We really don't know what is going on in people's relationships, esp people we don't even know irl. That's why I usually tend to stay somewhat neutral about things and just wait for more credible info to come out before automatically believing everything I read online or jumping to negative conclusions. It's one thing to gossip about people or playfully sip some "tea", and another thing completely to start actually believing everything you read online and spreading it like it's fact when it's just hearsay or "he said"/"she said".

If I'm not in a relationship, I just respect that the two people who were actually involved in the relationship know exactly what went down and know each other much better than I do! IF credible info comes out that he indeed cheated on her (I'm still waiting for Vanessa to spill some tea lol👀), then we can drag him by his edges lol. 😅🤣

[angeldcgs]

judging by how patsy presented herself now, it was hard to believe they ever could've had anything in common. he had to remember that she wasn't always the hyper-confident it girl who lit up every room she entered— at one point, she'd been a nobody, just a fan of the music desperate for a place among the artists she looked up to, just like toby. perhaps that's why she seemed more willing to get to know him than the rest of the band and their entourage, seeing a bit of herself in him and trying to help draw him out of his shell. "would she?" he couldn't help but feel bashful at the mere thought of bringing it up to her. such a question would probably come off as him fishing for compliments, and then he'd have to explain how he and ronnie had been talking about her after she left, and he didn't want to seem like he was obsessed with her. it wasn't obsession, exactly... more like a really, really strong intrigue. "maybe... i dunno. i think i'd feel a bit silly." they tended to talk more about the music than anything else, as that's what toby was most comfortable with, but occasionally she ventured out and asked about his life back in ohio, getting him to open up to her with that easygoing nature of hers. it was hard not to spill his guts, revealing tidbits about himself he wouldn't have shared with just anyone, entranced by that beguiling way her presence was both intimidating and comforting. things with the band hadn't been the easiest, thus far, but he didn't let that deter him. it seemed as though their standoffish or sometimes hostile attitudes towards him were more of a test than anything else, wanting to see if he was really genuine, or merely an opportunist. if he just kept his chin up and weathered the storm, surely they'd see he could be trusted, and they'd be more willing to give him what he needed in order to write his piece. "i'm not sure if 'easy to manage' would make for a good cover story," he answered honestly. "i knew taking this on would be a bit of a challenge— outside my comfort zone, for sure, but writing puff pieces won't get me anywhere. i wanna write something that matters, y'know? something people will remember." that's not to say that he wished to exploit the band for his own personal gain, though, just that he wanted to get close enough to them to reveal a side they didn't show to just anybody. it's not like they had to be afraid of him exposing them for some horrible crime— if they were just a passionate group of music lovers who liked to get a little wild now and again, they shouldn't have to worry about having their real selves immortalized in his writing. all rockstars were known to get into their fair amount of trouble, that was par for the course, but so far he hadn't seen anything that would earn them widespread public vitriol. having touched on a particularly sensitive nerve, toby's lips pursed as ronnie spoke of the band's hypothetical reservations, face screwed up in frustration, though such assumptions about him weren't completely baseless. perhaps someone else in his shoes, a sheltered small town boy given the opportunity to shadow a prodigious rock group, would bring their preconceived notions of what was appropriate behavior, but toby didn't have those sort of expectations. "i'm not— i don't have any prejudice..." he argued, his voice a bit more whiny than he intended. "not when i'm writing. biases don't make for good journalism— accurate journalism, anyway. i just think people ought to see the real you... the artists behind the music. knowing you more intimately will give your work context, it'll help people resonate with it more strongly." his outlook was a bit idealistic, seeing as he hadn't yet been jaded by the reality of writing for big publications such as rolling stone. he'd never had his work scrutinized and picked apart by a whole team of editors, his writing tweaked to suit a certain agenda that would sell more copies of the magazine. his intentions were pure, but that didn't mean the outcome of his piece would remain that way.

being loved by patsy was a special thing, it wasn't a surprise to see that toby was eager to be in the know of how it might feel. there was a lot he couldn't say, namely because of its explicit nature and how that might make toby feel but occasionally she'd reminisce sweetly about how he looked pressed up into a corner at one of their parties, cooing about how he reminded her about how she once had been, scared to take up space and unsure of how to fit in. it was hard to imagine her ever not being certain of herself, not with how easily she filled up rooms with the sound of her gleeful cackles and sprawled herself over any available surface, living or inantimate. she recognised something in toby that most of them were too scared to think about, the versions of themselves that weren't rockstars but instead scared kids who wanted to make something worth listening to. "don't know if it's my place to say, kid. i think she'd wanna tell it all to you herself." ideally when she had toby beneath her, with her fingers stuffed in his mouth so he couldn't interrupt. "ask her, i'm sure she'd be happy to give you a rundown." it'd be a good opportunity for him too, talking to the band and their surrounding groupies without them worrying about what they said ending up in some potential hit piece- which is what some of them were still hesitant about toby's presence bringing forth. most people didn't know what to expect when meeting a band like theirs, interviewers typically found themselves getting their feathers ruffled as a way of determining their intentions and it had been no different with toby, the only real change had been in his insistence to stick around despite all the feisty and, frankly, disrespectful behaviour. most people didn't take toby seriously and might never do so but ronnie still wanted him to succeed in what he'd come with them to achieve, even if it made him look soft in the eyes of others. "mm, would that have been better for you? something a little easier to manage?" he shot a grin across the top of his cigarette before once more letting his eyes wander. he wondered what other things toby had heard about them and questioned. had he pondered the level of truth to rumours of their promiscuous nature and then been embarrassed to see that it wasn't something invented to sour their image? a stupid idea, if that were to have been the case. each little snippet of what toby's life was like back home was deeply interesting to ronnie, even if the same couldn't be said for the information handed over. "i think... i think not everyone believes you're going to be able to write about us in a way that doesn't feel exploitive." he said, finally speaking up again after a long pause as he considered all that the other man had said. "picture it, this pretty little goody two shoes comes along and people are up in arms because no one thinks he's gonna be able to accurately depict their lives and not spread his own hometown prejudice onto it. that's why you've gotta get involved, you gotta show them that you'll be able to understand what you're writing about."

[ask-tarble]

Thoughts on Bulma and your nephews? :)

My thoughts: I think that they're amazing people!

Can I just say that I was so shocked to discover that my Niisan lived in a family unit? Obviously I was pleased to meet my nephew when I first came to Earth, but I also knew better than to get attached. See, I pretty much learned about family from Gure's family, and I had assumed that Vegeta had not had the same privilege of discovering that a family can be more than arbitrary blood ties and obligations. Essentially, I assumed that my affections would be improper and unwarranted, and that since I had no fighting skills to pass on, there would be no reason for me to see my nephew - or even my brother - ever again.

But when I first came to Earth, I was rife with assumptions that turned out to be wrong. Remember when Son Kakarot turned my scouter to dust just from flexing? Yowch! Talk about a symbolic moment.

I was completely floored to learn that Vegeta lived with the mother of his child, and in fact they all lived together, and in fact they spoke to and connected to each other often, and in fact the mother of his child was also his wife. And also that they all loved each other.

Love in the House of Vegeta ?! Now that's just two things that have never gone together. I thought for sure that I was the only deviant.

With all that said ... well, I just cannot put into words how glad I was to find out about all of this. It's beyond lovely that Vegeta has found a wife who loves and tolerates him and now has a son and a daughter whom he spends time with. I think that camaraderie is important, and Vegeta has always been so solo; I know it could not have been easy, but I'm very proud that he's been able to make connections in this life.

AND NOW MY NEPHEW AND I HANG OUT AND PLAY MARIO KART ALL THE TIME!!!!

Well not all of the time. Maybe like, thrice a year. But that's a lot by Saiyan standards!!! Wow!!

AND OF COURSE I've been coming around a lot lately to SEE MY NEW NIECE!!

And of course I know when to leave. I don't want to outstay my welcome after all.

Dear asker, you asked me about Bulma-san first. I almost feel rude waiting until the end to answer. But honestly, I'm a little nervous speaking about her. I'm afraid that my silly little words will not do her justice.

Well, let me put it this way. If she couldn't have married a prince, then there would have been no point in her marrying at all. No one else could have ever gotten close to her level. She wouldn't have necessarily been dragged down by anyone else (you can't keep her down!), but ... well, they just wouldn't have been able to do her any favors, that's for sure. She and my brother are a match made in Hell- HEAVEN! I meant Heaven.

...But I don't want to insinuate that Bulma-san is shallow. She's not shallow, just decidedly vain and with royalty-level standards. It comes from a place of self-respect, understand?

Look at me, prattling on. What I'm trying to say is that Bulma-san is one dynamite woman. She takes great pride (a familiar theme, innit?) in her work, home, family, self, life at large - she's sure to keep everything at its best always, and she's always at her best, just out of virtue of being herself.

She's also completely vicious and even hostile. It makes me feel at home!

I think everyone knows this, but I feel the need to say it: SHE'S LIKE A WIZARD WHEN IT COMES TO TECHNOLOGY?! I do not have the time to get into it now, so do not let me - but UM? You know I asked her once if she could possibly take a look at my shattered scouter and see if she could salvage any of the ruins, and she threw her head back and LAUGHED. I sheepishly agreed that it was a ridiculous request and moved to withdraw it, but she then clapped me on the back and told me that she could build me a BETTER one, one that could catch the radio and play cartoons, one that had night vision AND heat vision. I turned her down then because - well to be plain, because I was intimidated. But I still think about that sometimes... I wonder if she could make me one that plays Mario Kart, somehow.

Anyway. She and I get along really great! I'm going to let you in on a little secret - one of her perfect idiosyncrasies is that she is very prone to flattery. It's because she's pleased that you noticed something that she already knew about herself, and she loves that you took the time to say it! I don't know how many compliments she actually gets, married to my laconic brother and all, so I'm always sure to ham it up whenever we see each other. It's a bit of fun we have. It's just impossible to run out of things to be impressed by when it comes to her, anyway!

[ry0chann]

Prompt 1 from angst and 7 from fluff for connie

#1 — "It would be better if you stayed away from me."

#7 — “How mad would you be if I kissed you?”

WARNINGS: gn!reader, angst to fluff (sort of but not really), slightly suggestive, fwb realtionship, Connie is kind of an ass and ooc

WORD COUNT: 0.7k

NOTES: basically Connie screwed you over by leading you on but it doesn’t matter bc you like him. that's the plot lmao

send me prompts!! | m.list

You knew you shouldn't have told him how you felt, yet you did anyway. Why? Did you think he'd reciprocate your feelings? What a silly assumption to make, knowing this entire arrangement was his idea in the first place. He made it very clear what his intentions were, it'd be a waste of time to try and find more out of the relationship.

It was your fault for catching feelings. You said you wouldn't, and you did. You couldn't help it — he acted like he loved you, treated you like you were his everything. And now, he stands before you with the biggest shit-eating grin, chuckling at the fact that you told him you liked him.

"That's a joke right?" he asks, a hint of disbelief in his voice.

Your face heats up in embarrassment, your eyes falling from his.

"It's not..." you murmur, "Just thought I'd tell you, but I'm realizing I shouldn't have..."

He's quiet for a moment, processing your confession. Whether or not he actually felt something other than sexual attraction towards you was unclear — maybe he did, maybe he didn't. He had been experimenting with the idea a little, getting more intimate by kissing you and what not. Though maybe all of that gave you the wrong impression. Here you were telling him you stupidly caught feelings, all because he treated you the way he would his partner.

"Guess it'd be better if you stayed away from me then." He suddenly blurts, monotonically.

You're taken aback, confused as to why he'd suggest something like that. You didn't want that, even if it would hurt you more to stay with him in whatever you'd call this complicated relationship.

"What would that even accomplish?" you question.

He shrugs, not even confident in his words. He simply suggested it, that didn't mean he meant it.

"Dunno, but don't think I'm gonna stop calling you just because you got a crush on me."

The way he was looking at you somehow suggested he was unbothered by all this. You thought he'd care a little more, would at least talk things out or enlighten you on how he felt. But he didn't. He didn't care, didn't feel the same — wouldn't feel the same.

His eyes scan your form, ignoring the way your face contorts into something of a frown. Connie was only here today because you had "plans," then you decided to kill the vibe by pouring your heart out. He didn't seem turned off though, still staring at you like he wanted to rip your clothes off.

"Connie..." you sigh, "Maybe you're right. About uh, about us staying away from each other."

He pouts but it's not genuine. "Awe don't be like that. We'll figure it out, alright?"

You didn't believe him. Chances are, he didn't want to figure things out. You assume he'd want to continue the way things are and hope that your growing feelings magically disappear. If things continued the way they are, it'd only result in the opposite of what he wanted. Your feelings would only get stronger and that'd only complicate things more.

Connie takes hold of your hands, entwining his fingers with yours. He leans in a little, smirking like the little shit he is.

"How mad would you be if I kissed you?" he asks in a soft whisper.

Now really wasn't the time, you weren't in the mood. Still, feeling his hands in yours, being so close to him, having his lips inches from yours — he was tempting, extremely fucking tempting, and you were mentally kicking yourself for even considering giving in.

"I'd be pissed." you mumble, in a tone that suggested your words weren't entirely truthful.

He hums, impulsively kissing you anyway. You don't stop him though, in fact, you indulge. Your eyes flutter shut and you tilt your head to kiss him properly. His hands are quick to move to your waist, pulling you closer.

You had a feeling the conversation you started earlier wouldn't lead anywhere, this heated kiss only proving you right. It didn't help that you let your desires overpower any logical decision you could've made, not that any of that mattered anymore. He was intoxicating, it was impossible to deny him.

Going any further would end up being a mistake, you knew that. It wouldn't do your complicated feelings any favors, nor would it convince him to bother understanding you. But for now, you'd enjoy it. You'd let him handle you however he wanted, just like he always did, because in all honesty, you liked it.

[menodoramoon]

"Right," Moon says, feeling a little silly. "Right, I meant... I wouldn't--..." Since when has she been this tongue-tied. Ever? She can think of when she's muddled her words, but this was worse. This was her having fully forgotten how to act --interact-- and then trying to regain the memories as she goes. He saw her unravel. He didn't mind.

There was something wrong there. With her, obviously. But she can't help the fear that he was the exception. Everyone else, if they had any sense, would see her come apart and understand the true meaning behind that -- that she really was an unfit wreck.

"I feel like loosening up is for other people," Moon says. She's surprised she's said it. That feels like a private admission. "I think I'm too high-strung for it. It's as if loosening up is going to open the floodgates to something else. It's like this forbidden, hidden thing that I could do but shouldn't. Loosening up."

Was that too much? Was that too much to admit to someone she'd met within the last hour. Especially with how poorly she'd worded it.

It wasn't as if she would never see him again and he'd have ultimately non-consequential information about some random Danish woman. It was the fact that he was her new neighbor and what was she meant to do about the fact he knew all this about her.

"I didn't move with too much," Moon admits, "so I don't think anyone felt like bribing me. Better that way, I suppose, though, if you don't think the wine is very good, I could trade you for a nicer bottle and use yours for cooking?" It's an honest suggestion.

He stands. She nods, stands as well. They'd be the same height if she'd take off her shoes, she bets. For a moment, she wonders what he means by 'nice face.' She supposes... she has a nice face? She can't help but look just slightly puzzled, but quickly -- internally -- shakes it off. Maybe that was just... an American-ism.

"I don't think you sound too eager," Moon says, trying to be reassuring. The answer to 'shall we?' was her nod, and then her walking with him diagonally across the hall to her own apartment.

2F, with the door you had to lift just slightly to open it. Well, sometimes. Maybe that was a winter feature. It hadn't gotten stuck lately, and she was able to turn the key.

She kicks off her own shoes -- okay, lightly toes them off, they're not that difficult to take off -- and her assumption about their heights is near-confirmed. "I guess now's the time I tell you to make yourself at home?"

Her demeanor has shifted, hasn't it? Within the hour.

Formal and proper at Lucky Cat... Distant on their walk... Undone in the hall... and now what is she? Thoroughly worn out of her other personalities that it's just a friendly Menodora-Next-Door?

Her apartment is pretty standard. A sitting area, a sofa with two sitting chairs opposite. Coffee table in the middle. Side buffet against a wall. Decent window in the living room. And then her kitchen with a small dining area, she's grateful the floor plan is open enough to entertain in here.

Sometimes, Moon has to remind herself that these are apartments, and that Moon had never been in one. Finally getting everything the way she wanted it was tricky at first, but she managed. Hall to the right, with a restroom and the door to her bedroom. Closets scattered about. Mirrors, too. Very little in the ways of personal touch, though. No photos, barely any paintings. Everything had subtle shades of blues and greens. Gold accents...

Maybe she should have put up more pictures when she moved. She didn't expect to feel so at home. She didn't expect to feel like this could be a home.

"Okay," she says from the kitchen, looking at her meager wine rack... "I've got some reds, Zinfandel, -- oh -- a Chardonnay, and... is it custom to drink champagne when you move? I might have a bottle in a taller cupboard?"

She turns to him, smiling in that cheerful, hosting way all the while, "Preference? Also, I was right, I do have shortbread and some blackberry knots I can warm up. So you're in luck."

@oswaldxmarks

Hey, Neighbor! || Shadow on the Moon

[stylistiquements]

Day 1 : Soap Bubbles.

𐐪𐑂 Pairing : Sapnap x fem!reader {Playlist}

𐐪𐑂 Summary : You're being introduce to the internet in a peculiar way, it's up to you to decide what you're going to do with it.

𐐪𐑂 Word count : 1.4k | W: written part underneath

𐐪𐑂 Warning : very few swears

Masterlist | Previous | Next

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・　　 .・゜゜・　　・゜゜・

The coffee that sinks inside your stomach brings out a grimace and a click of your tongue where the taste stains; too bitter, too acidic but you’ll drink it anyway and to the last drop; there is something about the idea of spending time with three best friends that is so made of spring and honey that you wish to miss none of it.

“Someone is lurking,” George contemplates out loud, and the call goes silent for a second as if to look for the intruder. And it would so easy to flinch, to hit the back pedal, because you almost feel like one being exposed front stage like that. But today- today is not that day.

It's not that you don't want to join the discussion, it's that it takes a second to warm up, to absorb the energy and become one with it.

And sometimes, all it takes is Sapnap to exclaim, “Panini head, my beloved!” for your smile synchronizes with his chuckles. Somehow, once noticed by the right person, life flows back naturally.

George and Dream greets you in trailing unison, like two kids forced to greet their unwelcomed aunt on a sunday afternoon.

“H-hey troublemakers,” you finally say. Your voice is still quiet, not reluctant, but rather uncertain. It doesn't bother anyone.

“I’m beating Dream’s ass at chess and he’s bitter,” Sap explains, and you silently nod, as if they were able to see you.

A long silence follows along, rythmed by clicks of mouses and keyboards and it falls in your ears like high droplets. It's comfortable. It's intimate, shared with friends only.

"We haven't heard from you in a while," Dream says. "I mean ... before the clout fiasco."

You wouldn't exactly call it a fiasco, even though you don't really like the idea of being perceived a little too closely from the eyes of twitter.com, but you do agree anyway, "I've been caught up on college essays lately."

"That sucks," George probably adds.

“Good thing you’re here, then,” Dream notes, simple as a breath. “This is a worry-free zone.”

It hovers for a second, carried by George’s approval hum.

You squint suspiciously, detective mode, at the profile pictures that light on and off before your eyes, “Thanks, dream.”

He scoffs a “sure” and you’re not sure why you sense a bit of irony stuck on the back of his teeth. You're so tempted to call him out, but you don't. Instead, you write a mental note of this odd moment.

“It’s because I told him about your three brothers and now he’s scared they’re gonna find him and kick his ass,” Sap explains as if he just read your mind.

Sometimes, there’s this thing in the air, though you’re miles away. Something like a connection. There’s this thing when you don’t need to talk for Sap to understand. Sharing one brain cell, you dismiss ironically. Probably coincidences and predictability, but it always sounds a little special, a little like something you’d wish to be out of this world, like morning dew and fairy circles. And it makes you feel safe, at home, just like snuggling up in the sheets during a stormy night. Your smile washes up the sleeve of your hoodie, covered palm carefully hiding your chuckles.

“Three older brothers,” George muses, and there’s no telling if it’s something meant for you to hear. “That’s kinda scary.”

“You better be scared, one of them is probably your FBI agent,” you tease mindlessly, though there's nothing scary about those three grown men.

“I’m British, Bunny,” he points out. Whether the exasperation in his tone is fake or genuine, that, you can’t tell, but you play it cool, grin carved so deep it almost hurts. Dream’s wheezes rise and fall in the background.

“Say that to his face then,” you outbid smirkingly after a second of silence, heels growing into the carpet to make your chair spin slowly left and right, so breezily.

“I’d praise you for the rest of my life if you-Oooooooh your ass is wacked. Your ass is so wacked, dude. You fucked up so bad,” Sapnap chokes out between strings of giggles.

“Oh no, my streamer is losing his game?” You theatrically pout. “My streamer Dreamwastaken, have you met him? Guess you don’t need any of my brothers to kick your ass.”

“Okay yeah- no- it’s not my fault if your- they’re distracting me, okay?” Dream defends.

Slowly, the energy lowers again and the call remembers peace as Dream admits defeat.

“I’m not playing against you anymore,” he mumbles through greeted teeth, your hoodie shelters a muffled giggle. “Let’s talk about y/n’s twitter fame instead.”

“Let’s just not-” you mutter, both because seeing Dream lose at something is a miracle that has to be witnessed once and because you’re somewhat reluctant. “Let’s just not talk about that.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. I had no idea it would draw this much attention to you,” Sap admits.

“Well, you talk about her all the time it was only a matter of time before twitter finds out,” George taunts and you secretly smile, listening to the way your best friend tries to defend himself, mind flooded with the last memories you have of when you were able to see those chuckles for real.

“Yeah, Quackity already told me you guys talk behind my back,” you fakely muse. “That’s totally fine, I don’t wanna know what you guys are talking about at all.” It’s a lie, obviously, the idea creeps upon your mind with assumptions you can’t quite get a grip of nor let go.

“You and Quackity talk?’ Sapnap asks, hint of surprise, and you hum.

“Or rather, he talks to me. He keeps calling-.” Shit. The forsaken word traps itself into your mouth. It’s too silly anyway.

“Come on, just say it,” Dream pushes as if he knew too much, more than you even do, and your cheeks flush mindlessly. You don’t notice.

“Dream, quit it!” You demand.

“Quit what?”

“You talk as if you knew more than anyone did.”

“Maybe I just do,” he coos, so dream-like.

Oblivious or careless, Sapnap asks, “Is Quackity bothering you or something?”

“He-" you begin but stop to look for the right way to put it, "He triggers my flight or fight response.”

"I mean, duh," Sapnap probably rolls his eyes.

"But I like him. He's funny."

After a second of silence, George says, “Well that was unexpected.”

“Not so much, I think we’re both chaotic neutral people.”

“What is that neutral chaotic thing anyway?” Dream is confused.

Roll up your sleeve girl boss because now is your time to shine! You offer your best dream smp alignment chart to the classroom. They're speechless, but they listen carefully.

"Then you're more chaotic good than neutral. You're too sweet anyway," Sap says.

"I'd even say lawful good," George debates.

"That's because you haven't seen Bunny during her crazy cat hour."

"True," you note.

"She'll go absolutely batshit."

“What?" George burst between confusion and surprise. "We've never seen you like that."

"A lady never reveal her secrets," you retort. No one answer.

It leaves a second for your mind to enjoy peace. For your eyes to lay on c!tubbo on lawful good and think true, then on c!dream on chaotic evil and think also very true. You huff and it's like a wave; as sarcasm leaves your breath, an idea comes in.

"Sap, check your DMs," you request.

Surrounded by the evening lull, Sapnap’s laugh pops like soap bubbles, "God, you’re so stupid. Why can't you just marry me?"

“So, is it Sapnap approved?” You chuckle lightly to prevent Sapnap’s morning fresh laugh to fill your chest and leak everywhere.

“Just press ‘send tweet’ please,” he confirms with leftovers of a smile in his voice.

"George, get me out of here. They're doing it again," Dream whines.

"Doing what?" He asks, unbothered.

"Act like they're alone in the convo. Just get a room." And you don't get to stand up for yourself that you and your best friend are actually sent to another room.

"Well this one is chaotic evil confirmed," you mumble as you roll your eyes but the vibes are much peaceful, much more comfortable in here. "So ... hi."

"Hi," he chuckles in return.

Maybe that's for the best; a moment that needs to stay a little timeless, secretive and special. It hasn't happened in so long, you don't even remember the last time it did.

"I'm glad you're here. I miss you, you know?" He says, and it's hard to not feel so bittersweet about it. It's hard when longing involves a craved touch, a real smile and an eye contact. Your shoulder sinks in the chair a little harder.

"I miss you too. I'll be here soon," you promise. And soon couldn't come any sooner.

But the conversation, soft and free, will wash up any worries, as always, and you'll end up talking about everything and nothing, about streams and planned videos and college and god knows what. As long as it makes the two of you happy and smiling. Just like the old days, you'll both think and it's fair to say until the evening turns into night and night turns into fatigue.

"Are you sure you're okay about that clout?" He asks once again. "I know you don't like being exposed like that."

"Yeah, yeah don't worry too much about it. I'll try to make good use of it."

"I'm sure you will," he murmurs, but oh boy did he not know what was about to come until you two meet.

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・　　 .・゜゜・　　・゜゜・

Taglist : @open-minded-chip-101 ; @itsoakaa ; @gaysludge

A/N : so first of all it has come to my attention that 129 days from now on is actually my birthday so that's a weird coincidence lol. Hi how are you guys?? welcome to the first part I hope you liked it. I'm fairly new to the mcyt community and that's the first time I write for them, so bear with me. Feedbacks are always appreciated. Until next time (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc)

[idontmindifuforgetme]

girl help i'm suffering. i've been talking to this guy online (met through a now ex bf) for about two full months and we fell really hard for each other. the main issues were that 1. i'm still recovering from my prev relationship and 2. it would be an ldr (from michigan to pennsylvania), which we both currently have no idea how to navigate nor did we have a plan so we agreed not to date. yesterday we also agreed to take some time away from each other bc of my first thing, and i know i'll work my stuff out in about a month or two given some time and self care. the issue is: what then? i don't want to move on from him. i really really love him and i know men are a dime a dozen and they'll always come and go but i love him so much and he loves me too. he doesn't even know what i look like and he said he didn't need to because he he fell in love with me just from about everything you could get from texts and the four hour long calls we would have. all of today i've just been looking at potential summer internships in pittsburgh and maybe even going to grad school at cmu (cs/ds is my major, cmu is a top school for it but the tuition is $$$)

i love him so much. and honestly i think it's ok to chase a man if i'm chasing up and not down yknow?? maybe it's silly and this will all burn and fizzle out but i think i would really regret never trying. he's thoughtful and maybe he's bad at texting but he always took up my offers to call whenever i knew he was available and i just feel like i could spend forever with him. i've always wanted to live in a big city away from my hometown, but now i want it to be with him.

what do i do? :( i just feel like i want to hold onto these feelings just a little longer. the pain reminds me that it was all real and not just in my head. i'm done sacrificing everything for school and success, i gave up my hobbies and all of my energy and time and happiness just to succeed, and i feel so lifeless. i want to be young and spontaneous and i know i can move on and maybe it's what i technically should do, but i just want to be silly and stupid and make safe dumb decisions and be with him even if it's just for a summer. of course i won't compromise my entire future, but i just really want to see him.

it could very well be that you're truly in love. it could also very well be that you're infatuated & looking for comfort after a breakup. this is a phase i went through fresh off my ex as well, so i understand. it's very mature of you to sort your shit out before jumping into something. rebounding would be unfair to all parties involved. the rest of my answer is w the assumption that you'll have gotten over your breakup in a couple months & you're still into him, but it's totally cool if you sort of got some clarity & realized maybe this isn't what you want.

as a fellow stem major who dedicates lots of time to school, i can definitely understand where you're coming from. i really don't recommend you tank your career either haha, but your choice seems very strategic & reasonable. an internship where he lives is the perfect opportunity to expose yourself to what it would be like to be in physical proximity w him, while benefiting from the stay simultaneously.

my one thing is--def have a trial period. your internship could be your trial period. maybe you guys have great chemistry apart, but in person he's not what you expected him to be. the fact that he doesn't know how you look like does play a factor as well, even tho i don't doubt that he's crazy about you. try it out, basically, but consider the internship a test run--a chance to get a feel for him in person & see if it's something worth pursuing.

i'm waaary of long distance, just bc it's so fucking hard to make work. at the same time, i'm also a firm believer that your soulmate isn't only found in your city--they can be anywhere in this world. and if you wanna try to make it work w someone who lives far, then that's beautiful and should be honored. i just wouldn't jump the gun and revamp my entire life for someone i didn't meet in person yet if i were you. while i'm sure you spent a lot of time w him, online personas can have a way of being very filtered. who knows. maybe he's extremely authentic. that's what you're trying to find out. also watch some long-distance videos for advice. just research the fuck out of that dynamic. i think that would go a long way.

never stop asking yourself if he'd do the same for you. it's okay to be the one to make some sacrifices at first, but he should return that energy somehow. has he expressed that he'd be willing to at all?

and pls pls pls, be safe. women always go the extra mile of telling guys they're literally all they have. that is so unsafe. let other people know about your plan, if you go through w it (for safety reasons). make the smartest choices you possibly can. ik you're crazy in love right now, but do not. dooo not. put all your eggs in one basket. try it out, but do not put this guy on this impossible pedestal. do not assume he's perfect when you haven't even met him in person yet. do not put yourself in financial debt for feelings you think have a possibility of fizzling out. i think both of y'all need to slow down. not to completely ditch the prospect, but to slow down.

safe dumb decisions, just like you said. not permanent ones for a potentially temporary feeling.