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Apologies Are Hard (Sayuri/Atieno)

That trial left Sayuri with less than nothing. Yasei was killed; she was snarky and bitter, and probably the closest thing this antisocial flower had to a friend. Who had to be the one to commit the crime than Rin Aihara, a man Sayuri had immense respect for... had. Anyways, he was dead now too, and she still couldn't believe how little she came to care about Rin in such a short amount of time. Especially considering Sayuri though... nevermind.

With everything she lost during that trial, there was still one person who had lost even more. And that's why Sayuri was wandering the halls of the Western District. Not for the greenhouse. Not to weep for that selfish asshole Rin. She was here for a personal talk with Atieno, and without Togemura, because that's how personal this was going to be.

Sayuri knocked. And waited. And as soon as the door began to creak open, Sayuri wound up her entire arm-

"RrrrraAAAAAH-!" -and swung her fist forward towards Atieno's gut as fast and as hard as she could. This floor was almost completely abandoned now, that's how many people had died, so she had little risk of being caught. Sayuri let herself into the room towards Atieno, seemingly unaware of what she had just done, and shut the door behind her. Seemingly unaware, until she spoke again, still breathing heavily.

"...Now..... you... hit... me... Do it."

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i’m… sorry i never… got to tell you… i’m…. i’m sorry it wasn’t me instead…

i am upset screw all of you

(ps its transparent….)

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♪ That's Atieno! (It's the future he can see!) ♪

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That was exactly what she wanted to hear. It was said in the most obnoxious tone, and from the last person she wanted to hear it from, but Atieno was the only one who could give the conformation. And the conformation was all that mattered. 

"Yes. Good. I'm certain now."

Smiling didn't bother her, since it wasn't Atieno she was smiling at. All good emotions were for her, and her happy thoughts found room inside her head to stay there. Sayuri needed all the happiness she could get, and she seemed to be getting all of it! Her luck really had turned around, and it all must be because of the revelation she could now confirm! She wanted to scream what it was!

But not to Atieno.

"Hmm? Why? No reason. You shouldn't pester me with questions if you want a place to sleep. Maybe I'll... ugh, tell you if you behave." In her good mood, Sayuri was too lenient for her own comfort, and couldn't correct herself until it was too late. "Probably not, though." She muttered.

Sayuri slowly began to walk out, then remembered Atieno, but didn't even turn her head around or stop moving for him. "Come on, Matsui-kun!"

you will be who i say you are // [hh reaction/starter] {{atieno/sayuri}

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Atieno could certainly pick up the pace. Sayuri was being kind enough to offer the poor boy a place to sleep, and it barely occurred to him to start moving at all? The only thing that kept Sayuri in place was this one condition she had, and Atieno better hope that he could fulfill it as she expected.

He'd never shown to capable of practically anything when Sayuri was around; the only thing he'd done successfully is wear down her patience, and even now he still was proving himself a victor in that. Sayuri waited for Atieno to finally walk over to her, waited for him to cease his chatter, waited for him get to his knees so she could finally whisper to him - was that a snide gesture? Nevermind. 

She leaned in close to Atieno, actually having to kneel over to make up for his miscalculation, and spoke quietly into his ear.

"You spend a lot of time with Rin." And she had no idea what deemed him worthy of always being in his shadow, but again, nevermind. "You know a lot about him, correct? Well, I need you to make sure of something. Tell me if I'm right."

She held Togemura up to her face, so her eyes were held in a thin bar that peered just over the plant. Then she started explaining with a hidden grin on her face. "He's a noble warrior, er, a descendant of one, and honor is the most important thing to him. He has long black hair... okay I don't need reassuring on that, so next. Rin would protect a person from harm so long as that someone has given them the same protection and care that he deserves."

"...Well?"

you will be who i say you are // [hh reaction/starter] {{atieno/sayuri}

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You would think a loud-mouthed kid with shining green hair would be easy to find. Sayuri was mistaken. It was her own fault choosing to explore every room adjacent to the Main Hall before moving on to the courtyard. It was only after seeing his back there that she realized if Atieno had found a person to share a room with, then she would have explored the entirety of studio that she had access to for him, a person she didn't even like, and on most days hated, And why did Sayuri need to see someone that she could hardly stand being in the same room with? To invite him into her room and stay the night, of course.

:"Hey, Matsui-kun. Come here."

Sayuri stopped all of her forward momentum from entering the courtyard that could have easily carried her body over to Atieno. The two should be going out where Sayuri had just walked in from anyways, so it would be less efficient to walk to Atieno, and then, when they are done talking, both walk back toward the doors. It was only logic. Not the reason that Sayuri had; she just wanted to see Atieno put forth some effort in coming to her for what she wanted to ask him. When he finally arrived, Sayuri began to explain herself in that classic 'I need a favor' kind of voice, even though it seemed like the favor was being made to Atieno!

 "You need a room, right? Well... you..." It was still tough to get the words out. "You can sleep in my room for tonight BUT it's only on one condition!" Sayuri made sure to state her but as soon as possible. Doing anything for Atieno without some gain that she considered more valuable than her deed would be a cosmically stupid move. Sayuri motioned with her hand to get him to come closer and whisper to him. Nobody was around, but the viewers at home, the audience Monty always referred too, they didn't deserve to know Sayuri's secrets.

you will be who i say you are // [hh reaction/starter] {{atieno/sayuri}

The vote could’ve been a lot worse. He didn’t know what good his new ID card would do for him, but he had it nevertheless, which was at least better than having cleaning duty or something else of the sort. He turned the card over in his hands four times before stuffing it into his bag, gently fixing his cloak over himself once again. He stayed in that position for a while, sitting on a step from the staircase, eyes shut as he focused on the rough texture of the tan cloth against his fingers. He would be okay as long as it was with him, it made anywhere feel like home. He visualized home for a while. It was easier to remember after seeing it in the pre-motive. 

He was worried about the motive. It kept him up at night. Well, that wasn’t the only thing keeping him awake, but it was a huge factor. Was everyone going to be okay? This thing was getting a little out of hand. Maybe it was more a social experiment than a TV show at this point. He wasn’t sure, though. Was this legal, he found himself wondering, psychological experiments were really hard to keep in the works for so long.

It was… gosh, he didn’t actually know. It was late at night as he wandered through the studio like a lost ghost trying to find a way to leave the material plane (he was not a ghost, of course, because that would mean that he was dead, which he was not. Why would he be?). His steps were soft and light and he was uncharacteristically quiet. He was oddly quiet at a lot of points recently, but it was as if he didn’t have a voice at that point. He was simply trying to stay awake as long as he could, it was against the rules to fall asleep outside of a designated room, and he didn’t want to bother anyone with asking them about it, so he decided to try and stay awake, it wouldn’t hurt him, he did this before!

…Yeah, he was totally going to be able to last the night, he thought, as his eyelids started to feel a lot heavier than they did just a couple hours ago.

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Sayuri thought that Ryou's dialect and tone of voice would nullify the worth of anything he'd said. Compared to Aihara Rin's golden tongue and straightforward tone it was appalling anything from the other made it through to his ears. Then to have the audacity to mentally affect Rin, it didn't make any sense! Ryou wasn't smart enough to accomplish that kind of infiltration. Regardless, Sayuri had to accept that it had happened, and saw him as devious for the act.

Rin, on the other hand, was well deserving of her pity. If anything, her pity may not be worthy enough for him. Especially after the archer went through The Brief History of the Aihara Family Tree.

Sayuri listened in slack-jawed wonder. Never had anyone seen a kid so enthralled with a history lesson. She was right! Aihara Rin had warrior's blood in him, noble blood. Even smaller details helped her to prove her hypothesis in a way. But why did this matter? That went far beyond testing how honorable the boy was, but she couldn't tell him that. Sayuri wanted to be absolutely certain she was correct before jumping to the conclusion still unstable.

"Oh! I was checking something important. Or, I was wanting to get to know you better. I'll be sure to tell you about myself soon, even though it isn't as interesting. Hehehe." Did Sayuri just... laugh? It was breathy and sounded strange coming from her, but it was certainly a giggle.

"Try to be more cheery next time I talk to you, Aihara-sama. I'm not trying to order you around, it's just I don't think you have a reason to be so melancholic." She turned on her heel to leave. "But, have a good day Aihara-sama! I'll talk to you soon!" Then Sayuri jogged down the steps with the smile still on her face. She hugged Togemura during the whole walk back to her room, not out of fear or protection, but for the first time in this place of despair, out of joy.

Nighttime Echoes // Rin+Sayuri

  Rin’s gaze dropped from Sayuri and down to the wooden porch he was sitting on. Honourable? He wasn’t so sure about that. An honourable person wouldn’t have driven anyone to suicide, intentionally or otherwise. No, there was nothing honourable about that in the least.

"…His words did upset me, yes," Rin sighed, and he felt as though that was understandable. But he dropped that particular topic off there, happy to talk about other things. Not that he wouldn’t return to it if she brought it up again, but it was better left alone for now.

"And yes," he said and, at risk of rambling about his family history, of which he was quite prone, explained succinctly. "The Aihara is a minor clan of the Samurai class, formed during the Sengoku period as retainers to the Tokugawa shogunate. As for my mother, she is descended from the Mori clan. So, er, yes, I am of noble birth, and my family still holds tightly to the way of the Samurai." Not like he had particularly been upholding those codes of honour recently. He felt as though he had shamed the clan, despite being forced into the situation. He had not performed his duty, had he?

"Why do you ask?

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Walkie Talkie Talk, Part Two

Despite the cold, unforgiving metal and lack of plants pretty much anywhere, Sayuri finds herself unwilling to leave her room. The fact that she’s now the only one on her floor likely doesn’t have anything to do with it; in fact, she’s probably safer now. With only boxes as company, it’s almost a surprise that she doesn’t scream when the walkie talkie she’d found previously crackles to life…

Read More

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Interpreting Rin's command as be quiet, Sayuri did just that. It was like one of the deities she believed to watch over her was doing so with a remote in their hand and with a finger on the mute button; the stuttering characters were always so annoying to listen too. She knew she had to be calmer, too, but didn't seem to be able to. Sayuri silently cursed at her body for not responding as it should have to the order it was given. When she figured she had permission to speak again from Rin's last statement, she did. Though she nearly put herself right back in the situation she got out of. And that would seem to continue for a long time.

"That was... actually... still meant...." One word at a time, like Rin said. No rush. She managed to peak open her eyes and look at him again, though the way her head was tilted down slightly and how her bangs had a habit of drooping down over them  "I wanted to ask if what Tatsu said upset you. Because it shouldn't! You're honorable, I know it. And, um, speaking of."

"You wouldn't happen to be part of a noble family... or like, a samurai or some kind of warrior." That sentence started out conspicuous enough, but Sayuri needed to work on her transitions. Sayuri needed to work on her speech in general!

Nighttime Echoes // Rin+Sayuri

  Rin was patient with the girl. Ever since his… episode with Atieno, he had been mindful about keeping his temper under control. Not that it came out much, but nevertheless he was conscious of it. He gave Sayuri the time it took to compose her words, watching with a slight frown, one that spoke more of concern than irritation.

And then when she began to talk, Rin blinked in surprise. So, she was here about that, was she? Same as him. He tightened his gaze, not sure how to respond. He supposed it was natural for her to be ruminating on the words thrown around at the trial, but it seemed as though she was thinking on them differently-

"Kawakamii-shi!" he blurted when she nearly dropped her cactus, "Er, please, calm yourself. One word at a time."

It sounded like she was more mad at Tatsu than herself, the way Rin was. Perhaps that was for the better; self-hatred was never going to be a healthy thing, but he couldn’t help it.

"A-and, Kawakamii-shi, you can talk to me if you would like, instead of your ca- instead of Togemura-san." He wasn’t sure the cactus would be much of a conversational partner. Not that Rin himself was - he had no idea how to talk about this sort of thing. Given current circumstances, though, he was sort of obligated to, wasn’t he?

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It wasn't intelligent to think Rin would be the one to start the conversation; Sayuri spoke first, so therefore it lied with her to choose the subject and talk. It was hard to tell with that constant stone face of Rin's if he was in a mood for talking or not, but Sayuri needed to talk to him, so for the first time she put her needs ahead of his possible ones, and spoke.

But first, another look at her favorite cactus to help calm her nerves. It always worked. Togemura's voice was able to be heard more clearly and she could gain advice through the unique perspective of his. She wished she could stay there and strike up a conversation with the cactus instead of Rin, though there was a special reason he was easier to talk to then most. It was nearly a minute that passed before Sayuri realized she had to say something, but wasn't quite ready with her words yet. They came out all at once, not jumbled, but formed in what the girl planned on saying to him before her mind had time to correct her as it usually did. Her eyes seemed to have gotten tipped off about this disaster, and were able to avoid it.

"Togemura-sama I want to say it wasn't fair for Tatsu to s-"

"s- uh! I was ab-bout to... to him. I'm really sorry To- I mean- ugh, fuck!"

The stress over the number of weeks and not enough of it leaving her system resulted in the spasm she felt in her temple right then. She nearly dropped Togemura's pot, which with every drop became more and more likely to shatter, though Sayuri managed to steady both it and herself to avoid tumbling over. In one hand she held the head of a distressed Sayuri, and in the other a confused Togemura.

Nighttime Echoes // Rxn+Open

  An interruption, it seemed. He would normally be irritated, but let’s face it, Rin really wasn’t getting anywhere with the whole sit down and breathe approach to calming his nerves.

He opened his eyes slowly, a little sleepily, actually, and saw Sayuri. The closest he came to frowning at her was a clenched jaw and a slight twitch in his eyebrows. Sayuri had also been implicated by Ryou’s final speech, hadn’t she? She was in the same position as he was.

He wondered briefly if she, too, was experiencing the same level of self-loathing. If she, too, was half-wishing she had died in Ryou’s stead. If she, too, was just about ready to give up.

He swallowed, as if that would push all the bitterness down and out of his head and let his mind clear for just a moment.

"…Hello, Kawakamii-shi," he finally replied.

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How could the trial end like that? It was unfair how somebody could be treated with such disrespect without a say in the matter, appalling the  twisted way justice worked after every murder was solved. Ryou... how...

How dare Ryou call her dishonorable, say that she should die, and never even give her a chance to speak in the middle of his yelling?! Sayuri was fed up with having blame shifted on her during murders; she hadn't and likely never would forgive any of the students who wronged her last week. Sayuri was even more mad that she was ready to defend Ryou before he opened his maw and barked at her like that. In fact Ryou should have died even sooner. Yes, that's right! Yukie was a saint who ended up with an equally biblical death. It should have been that violent mechanic, whatever his title was, that died in the hellish flames, not Bando-san.

So what if she'd wished for Amane's death for many days now. After the trial, nobody had a right to feel sorry for him! But even with everything he had done, did she vote to put him into the room? No! That vote was reserved for somebody else, though Sayuri's vote may as well have gone towards him because her daily vote was wasted every single day. Only Sayuri saw the sin in that one, apparently.

So why was Sayuri at the temple if she had a plethora of convincing evidence of how nonsensical it was to call her dishonorable... Well, I suppose I should speak for her, for Sayuri would never admit this even to herself, but she did feel that way. Every single murderer, she had a reason to hate, but a pang of guilt for technically being one herself lingered after every trial. Ryou's rushed rant was just enough to make those pangs felt and, combined with her sickly feeling she had all day, uneasy.

Her arrival there turned the uncomfortable feelings she had into confusion. Only briefly, of course, but it was perplexing to see Aihara Rin of all people here. He should have no sins that needed forgiveness, of course not. He was obviously only there to pay his respects, something Sayuri realized she should be doing more often. Rin was stoic and, above all else, an honorable man. There is no way he could be here for the same reason as Sayuri... or...

"Uh, He- T-T-. Um, Hello, Aihara-sama." She had to make sure.

Nighttime Echoes // Rxn+Open

Meditation wasn’t helping. It was well into the night and Rin was sitting at the top of the temple steps, cross-legged, trying to make Ryou’s voice go away. Kill Rin kill Rin kill Rin it was just an unceasing echo. His bow and arrows lay beside him; he had tried shooting to take his mind off of things but when he raised the bow, his fingers had trembled so much he had just known he was going to miss and he couldn’t bear the thought of missing a shot. So he had resorted to this. And it just wasn’t working.

He had been sitting there for well over an hour and nothing. The voice was still there. Still echoing. And it wouldn’t go away.

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He was sorry? It isn't fun watching other people cry? Are Taiki and Aikobetsu important? Sayuri didn't feel like responding to any of what Atieno had to say but of course would end up talking anyways; that fletcher's jabberjaw was contagious. She muttered loudly while she took baby steps back toward Togemura, and wiped the tears from her eyes as well.

"This was supposed to be quick. I was supposed to say my thank you and leave. You had to make this so hard, didn't you?" She picked up the one friend with a point made for them (as if Togemura didn't have enough) being the only one that Sayuri could always trust. There was an immediate breath of fresh cactus-y air upon holding him in her arms again, and she could think clearly. 

Sayuri took a long look at Togemura, stopping the next insult before it could leave her mouth, and then she shot a stare back at Atieno. It's amazing how the exact same squint can carry two completely different meanings depending on who it is directed at.

"You know what Matsui. Never mind. I'm done with you, so you don't matter any more. If I were you, I'd be happier." And also realize the values of a formal education, she wanted to add, but restrained the words in her throat. "And Taiki and Aikobetsu..." Sayuri definitely was going to hold in her tears until she was back in her own room. "They're family, like Togemura." Sayuri then left with the tapping of her boots on the ground echoing throughout the carnival setting, along with one other sound.

"Goodbye, Matsui-kun."

monty still has the power over our lives // [hh starter] {{sayuri}}

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She was being touched again. Even though Sayuri was about start tearing the fabric off of Atieno's shirt, it didn't justify him gently wrapping his arms over her. She instinctively squirmed like little worm, stifling her tears, before once again giving up and sobbing into his coat.

She wasn't going to yell at Atieno for everyone he said she could trust. Aihara was somebody Sayuri hoped she found a friend in him. She was still on the fence with Yasei, and Yara? This was only more proof of how stupid Atieno could be. She was about to break away when Atieno once again had to open his dumb, stupid, idi-

"Wh-! You're hugging me? You... you aren't allowed to do that I told you to never..." The rest of that sentence tapered off into a mutter. The wrap of Atieno around her neck had apparently just reached her brain; her senses were slowed down by all of this emotional turmoil. The rest of what the boy said nearly gave her a heart attack, because this went against every guideline Sayuri had operated under for so long. It scared her. "Sh-shut up Atieno. I don't need you- any people- no, I- fine- Aih- mean, Togemura-" She desperately gasped for air, not realizing she was mostly inhaling cloth. Sayuri finally pushed him away, stumbling a few steps back herself, Before nearly collapsing into a mess on the floor. She struggled to compose herself and stood weak-kneed, hugging herself now because she was all that mattered. Well, herself, Togemura, and two very important people she had just remembered. She whispered  their names a couple of times in succesion. "Taiki and Aikobetsu..." Once again, forgetting one of the most noticeable people was standing right there in the room with her.

monty still has the power over our lives // [hh starter] {{sayuri}}

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Atieno needed to understand this. Sayuri was on track to becoming a less violent human being but if she had to force this memory out of him, she would, and she could, and it seemed that she did. In whatever dialect the kid spoke in, Atieno started a ramble that normally would have made Sayuri punch him at this range. He really should have stuck with just saying that he knew what she was talking about, since all the other phrases spawned some new strange feeling in Sayuri. 

"I'm only doing this so my karma doesn't return and haunt me! Kar-ma. Do you know what that is, stupid? It means when you do something 'nice' I stand back and think for a second and don't just bite your fingers off when you touch my back!" Though, Sayuri didn't seem to be standing back right now, she was thinking. "I can handle the accusations on my own! It was obvious the evidence was shit! What's hard to deal with is not being able trust any of you. I don't even want to! I have to, though, or I might actually die from doing what should be the right thing." She tightened her grip further and pulled Atieno close enough to feel her words as they left her mouth

"Because I am alone. According to whoever controls my fate, I am. I have Togemura, though-" She broke staring for a second to glance back and make sure her potted pal was still sitting nicely. "-but. Plants don't count. They don't have souls, say the same gods that put them there. They do! They should count!" Sayuri barely gave Atieno time to breathe after letting go of his collar. Her hands then went straight for his gut. She didn't throw a punch with her arms wound up to look like it, though. Instead they went for the sides and dug into the cloth that was there! Sayuri's face quickly followed, practically headbutting him in the stomach.

"WHY DON'T THEY COUNT?!" The girl knew she looked like nothing more than a toddler that didn't get their fourth one-more lollipop, but had given up, and let herself cry. Sayuri seemed to forget about who she was even latched onto as she wept. As a brief reminder, it was Atieno, who she hated since he first opened that stupid mouth of his. That same mouth that continued to get Atieno into even more trouble with her, and this could possibly the worst trouble yet!

monty still has the power over our lives // [hh starter] {{sayuri}}

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Did Atieno simply existing single-handedly make Sayuri this mad? Or was this the release of all her pent up anger over the past week? How she got to this state didn't matter in the long run, since it's what was to come that the fletcher had to worry about. 

"You mean... you have no idea what I'm talking about...?" This was pointless. She tries to say thank you to the one person she thought deserved it the least and this is what happens. Why was she doing this again? It seemed no purpose was worth talking to this weed in her life any longer. Oh, she remembered now. Despite her good deeds to all of plant kind, and the fact that most every student didn't come close to tolerable, being nicer to humans might be a contributing factor too her bad luck. It may even be a bigger factor than Atieno! Sayuri wasn't about to start tossing compliments around hoping everyone would like her; what a scary thought that was. No, but Togemura decided it might be best to give this kid, of all people, praise of some kind for an action of his that was, admittedly, a stupid one. 

"I'm trying to thank you for the one fucking thing you didn't absolutely screw up with and you can't even think of what it could be?!" She wanted to throw something. Sayuri was going to throw Togemura right at Atieno's idiot skull. There definitely wasn't anything in it worth protecting, but the important contents of the pot ultimately changed her mind. Instead her shaking hands set her friend down beside her. Sayuri sprung up once her hands were free and Togemura was safe, then unknowingly began taking steps toward Atieno.

"The trial, Atieno... think, damn it!" Now she was right in front of him. This was a lot like the last violent encounter the two had, This time, though, Sayuri reached her arms up as high as she could to get the tree-sized boy's scarf... thing. Whatever it was, it was now clenched in her fist so she could pull Atieno closer to eye-level. "I said think!"

monty still has the power over our lives // [hh starter] {{sayuri}}

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Her hand flinched when Rin touched it. Believe it or not, Sayuri hadn't touched or been touched by somebody else in quite a while. Had she even been touched in any of the weeks she and several others were confined to the same building? She had become a living Leviticus story, only staying far away enough so as to avoid physical contact was her intention. 

Even though this gentle hold caused a kind of convulsion in her hand, Sayuri almost had no reaction to the first of many spine pulls. Aihara-san was gentle... but way too gentle. It was almost insulting, but she knew he was just trying to be respectful.

"Aihara-sama. This is a problem that's... happened before. You don't have to be that careful. Just pull them out...please. I'll be fine." This would definitely end up being painful, regardless of how many times it had happened. But Sayuri had to wrap her hands up, well, now! She would have to settle for as soon as possible, though. The blood was beginning to form rivers in her hand. It was unsettling and honestly ominous as well. Intending not to focus on it, her eyes shifted towards Rin. It was staring, which was rude and Sayuri knew it, but he was too strange. Not Atieno strange... or even Sayuri strange. She looked back down at Togemura to make sure of something before shutting her eyes again and bracing herself. This was going to hurt!

Itsuki Lullaby (Sayuri/Rin) [Open FTE/Trial Reaction]

Okay, that was doable. Rin came over toward Sayuri and sat down on the bench beside her. The archery gloves came off, places squarely on his lap.

"Show me your hand," he said gently. Assuming she did so, he took it gingerly in his own and examined her injured palm. He seemed completely unfazed by the blood or the gruesomeness of the injury. 

There were certainly… quite a lot of needles jammed into her palm. He wasn’t terribly confident in how he’d be able to handle pulling them out with his hands; he kept his nails filed down short - so as not to interfere with the bowstring, of course - so here went nothing.

He assumed she already knew it was going to hurt, but he gave her warning, a muttered, “Brace yourself.”

Grasping the first needle firmly, he gave it a sharp tug and, to his satisfaction, it came clean out of her palm.

Now only a whole bunch more.