#Maybe he can prevent Azi from being an angel

[thedemonastrophel]

Aaa quick one shot that doesen't fit into a story but I wanted to post it somewhere other than ao3

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“Well Mr. Crowley, it’s time to make a decision, one will be destroyed. Your beloved humans, or your beloved.”

Crowley glared at the hooded figures, practically snarling at them, bearing his pointed teeth.

They knew nothing of what he had with Aziraphale.

They knew nothing of what it was like to be human.

They knew… nothing.

“What are you talking about. ‘Course I choose Aziraphale!”

“Tut tut, not so quickly sir demon. We will give you five minutes to discuss.”

They vanished, and Crowley sat there dumbfounded.

“Wha- what the heaven just happened?!”

Aziraphale looked at him sadly.

“I think.. You and I have some things to discuss.”

He stared at his Angel momentarily, Aziraphale looked at him, and sighed.

“Do you remember the first day you came into my bookshop? The first day when you put your glasses down, and you spotted a book on my desk.”

“Aziraphale-”

“No. No, let me finish.

It wasn’t the first time you had gone to my bookshop, but it was the first day. The first day of the rest of our lives, after armageddon. Do you remember Crowley?”

“I- Aziraphale this is hardly the time for this.” He spat, trying to conceal the bite in his voice.

He was so frustrated but he couldn’t deal with this. Not right now.

“You asked what the book said; you couldn’t read it.”

Aziraphale looked at him, expecting a response.

“This isn’t relevant! Aziraphale now is not the time for this.”

“And�� you asked me if I knew what it meant, what it said. I told you I didn’t, that was a lie.

As angelic beings- and don’t try to deny it because you are even if you have fallen -we can understand every language in creation. But not this one.

Did you ever stop? And think? And wonder, why that was?”

Crowley was on the verge of tears now. Aziraphale was surely being stupid. They were moments away from either the destruction of the Angel, or the destruction of the world. This was not the time to be speaking about things like this. Reminiscing.

Aziraphale eyed him.

“When I told you I couldn’t read it, that wasn’t true. I can read it. And I believe it has something to do with the fact that the book was intended for me.

It’s akin to the likes of Agnes Nutter, but far older. Made by something significantly more powerful.

It was written in a language that no one should understand. Not you, not I, nor angel nor demon from Heaven or Hell. No one should be able to comprehend or read that language. Save, for the highest authority.

God Herself wrote that book, at least that’s what I believe. But I could read it. I think that book was intended for me, Crowley.

Why it was I’m not sure, your heart is more pure than mine at this point. There’s no denying it.”

Crowley had given up trying to interrupt him as it clearly would have no impact, opting to let him speak. He was at least a little curious where this was going.

“In that book, on the very last page there was a date, that date was today. Do you want to know what was written underneath the date?”

Crowley shook his head slowly.

“I-”

“It said; ‘On this day, Angel, will be the day that you shalt die.’

I am not meant to survive this. I.. will not make it out of here alive. I can’t- It-”

He stopped, shaking.

Crowley knew what he was going to say, but he continued anyways.

“It’s not me or the world, Crowley. It’s saving the world, or saving no one.

I’m going to die either way, it doesn't matter what you choose.” His voice was cracking.

“Please. Save the Humans. Try- try to move on if you can I- I know it will be difficult.

I believe in you, I love you- I'm sorry.”

Crowley’s breath was shaking, barely able to keep it together himself. He just stared at him, tears, at this point were spilling onto his cheeks. Unable to form words, he instead just leaned forward. Gently, cupping Aziraphale’s cheek in his hand, and he kissed him.

It wasn’t like the first time, it wasn’t like any of the times after.

It was sad.

It had thousands of ‘goodbyes’ and ‘I love yous’ burned into its very existence. It had thousands of years of words behind it, all unspoken.

The loudest message, the loudest of all, the one that screamed, desperate to be heard, was the longing, the regret.

They knew they would never see each other again. They knew this was it.

This was the end.

The robed figures reappeared, they looked at him.

“Well demon, what is your answer?”

Crowley stared at them, he stood up straight wiping his eyes, his glasses long discarded at this point. He squared his shoulders and stared at them.

Into the shadowy depths of their hoods. He shuddered, took a breath, and spoke.

Slowly, ever so slowly, letting every word hang heavily in the air.

“I choose-” He swallowed. “I choose neither. I’m not going to sacrifice Aziraphale. But I am going to save the earth. So, out of the options you have given me, neither.

Aziraphale started to panic behind him.

“Crowley you can’t-”

He stopped, whipping around and whispered in a dry voice;

“Aziraphale trust me this one time, I swear to anyone who may be listening. If there was any time for you to trust me now is it, just let me do this.” He turned back around.

The hooded figures regarded him curiously.

“You know the stakes, surely. If you do not choose either, everything will be destroyed. You know this of course, so why. Why are you being foolish Crowley?”

A sharp cold shot through him. He reached his hand out to Aziraphale, holding him, lifting him to his feet.

He held his hand tightly.

“Because” He hissed. “I. Am still. A supreme Archangel. Whether or not I have access to my abilities, I was one once, I still am. You are not above me.

I can save both.”

He turned, Aziraphale’s wings bursting out to join them in this plane of existence, and Crowley’s doing the same.

The white against the black, the dark against the light. The light, the dimming light- his wings were darkening- why were they darkening?! Aziraphale didn’t know.

But Crowley did.

Crowley turned and he kissed him again.

This time it was not longing and regret, it was determination. He knew what he was doing, this was not a kiss of love, this was a kiss of magic.

A miracle in its own rights, not a demonic one, not an angelic one, simply a miracle. Bigger than any he had performed, but he stood there. And he kissed him.

Aziraphale’s wings began to darken. The feathers gradually turned black, black like soot, black like the inky darkness of the night.

And it spread.

It spread from the tops of his wings, down. Down, melting like an inkwell, a pen, a pen that was leaking, dripping, dying.

It spread across his wings, his feathers, his white pristine feathers. He was falling.

He hadn’t done anything necessarily, no, this was intentional. This was Crowley’s doing.

But why?

The hooded figures looked at each other, then they looked at him, questions brimming.

“What exactly do you think that is going to do?”

Crowley stopped. Aziraphale’s wings were dark, as dark as his. He stared at them defiantly, his amber-gold eyes practically glowing. He stared at them.

“I don’t need your help. I’ll save this world on my own, and Aziraphale with it. I will save every single bloody human on this planet- on this damned damned world. I don’t need your help.”

The beings looked at each other from behind their shadows of secrets. They seemed to be considering his words.

“Very well, do as you wish. You do not have much time, but if you think you can save them. Be our guest.”

With that they vanished.

Aziraphale and Crowley were back in the bookshop, both too stunned to speak as they collapsed onto the floor and tried to process what had just happened.

[wistfulnightingale]

"Somewhat Heroes" (or, Why Our Ineffables have been a Couple Since the Bus Stop, Part 1)

Mini-Meta Musing #5

Our Dear Ineffables have always been heroes to us. The Almost-Apocalypse in Season 1 pushed Aziraphale and Crowley farther than anything they'd ever encountered before. Each went through a crisis, a loss, and an individual journey during the final days of those events. It's the Classic Heroes Journey, right? Surprisingly, their stories don't reflect the 12 Classic Heroes Journey Moments. Or even the top 7. On purpose? Yep.

Although they made heroic choices at the airport, they were supporting-characters in that climax. It was the Them who stopped the Four Horsemen, Anathema and Newt who prevented nuclear war, and Adam who altered reality and saved the world. Azi and Crowley were "Somewhat Heroes." Kinda ordinary. Almost like Humans Incarnate -- just getting through by doing the best they can.

Nonetheless, Crowley and Aziraphale each came out of it all a changed Being, ready for a New Life. Ready to choose each other.

At the end of a Heroes Journey, the Hero has earned a Reward. For Our Ineffables, their reward was to finally be together, safely, without fear. There was nothing either of them truly wanted more than the chance to be "Us", enjoying the world they both love.

They held hands on the bus because they wanted to. 💕 The Ineffable Commitment began that evening. They were together as a couple from that moment on. The next day, the nightingale sang for them.

Crowley subtly offers his hand, bringing it down from the rail. He can feel the change. Aziraphale takes his hand, holds it. Finally. It was a moment of Truth for the angel. The significance of that gesture of affection was something he'd been carefully avoiding for a very long time.

We can see in the gif that Azi is looking straight ahead as he reaches for Crowley's hand. This moment matters deeply to him. He's crossing a threshold of commitment to this relationship, and it took a great deal of courage, and a great deal of love.

But neither of them could have fully reached this point without going through the Transformative Journey of a "Somewhat Hero."

When Aziraphale and Crowley argued at the bandstand in S1 E3, Aziraphale was still trusting in God's Plan. It was Inconceivable that he would Ever consider killing the child-Antichrist -- he would rather jeopardize their friendship with emotional protests and hurtful words.

When a frightened Crowley later finds him, apologizes, and proposes running away, Azi isn't angry any longer... "Our side" isn't really over... He doesn't reject Crowley. He's simply completely determined in his faith that God will fix everthing. There's even a moment where he seems to (very!) briefly imagine running away to Alpha Centauri.

Oh, he's not seriously considering leaving. Certainly not now -- the world needs saving, if he can just find the right person to fix it all.

For the Somewhat-Heroes Journey of our Ineffable duo, it's noteworthy that, unlike the Classic Hero Journey, there is no Yoda or Obi-wan, no Gandalph or Professor X to guide them. There is no "Meeting the Mentor". They are on their own, with no one but each other to rely on. It's been that way since... well, since The Beginning, when they weren't even quite sure that they'd made choices "their sides" would approve of.

After this brief meeting, they part, and each "Crosses the Threshold", continuing the Journey alone. Azi heartbreakingly learns that his shoud-be mentors/authorities are only uncaring bullies. Crowley must steel himself to face what he believes he fears most -- punishers from Hell. He survives, he wins! "Tests, Allies, & Enemies". They've never had any allies but each other, but right now, they don't even have that.

The next step for Classic Heroes is the "Approach to the Inmost Cave", the inner preparation for the difficult ordeal. I don't see it for our Dear Somewhat Heroes. Maybe I'm missing something... But it seems to me that what makes them different from Classic Heroes is that they're US, they're just very human and doing their best to cope with the dramatic circumstances they keep finding themselves in.

Even when they decided to thwart the Apocalypse 11 years ago, they planned to do it quietly, subversively, no heroic gestures and with what they hoped was minimal risk. Now, with a young Antichrist coming into power with a Hell Hound at his side, Aziraphale and Crowley are just making it up as they go, doing their best and trying to survive, like any of us might.

Ah, but next is "The Ordeal". The Ordeal is when the Hero faces their most deadly enemy, or their deepest fear. They must experience a metaphorical "death and resurrection" to be transformed -- everything they hold dear is on the line. Aziraphale and Crowley each face this, two diverging paths that tear them apart and bring them back together.

The burning bookshop is Crowley's "Inmost Cave", his darkest ordeal. Until now, Crowley's fears of the tortures of Hell limited him. I don't think he fully realized until this moment that the greatest fear of his existance was actually losing Aziraphale forever.

Everything that actually matters to Crowley is destroyed, and the empty space to his right holds nothing but flames. He is broken, and drunkenly waits for The End, lost in painful memories, a metaphorical death of Self.

As everyone but our angel expected, Heaven fails Aziraphale. In his "Ordeal", he is discorporated, pulled into Heaven to prepare for war. the encounter with the Metatron was his "Inmost Cave". What Azi thought was his greatest fear, what he had avoided fully facing for millennia, turns out to be true. Heaven isn't actually Good, it can neither be trusted nor relied on. His corporation has literally "died" in the accidental chain of events from this encounter. Everything he holds dear is now on the line -- the world, its people, and most of all, Crowley. The empty space to his left holds nothing but the glaring emptiness of Heaven. This simply won't do!

Aziraphale "Seizes the Sword" first. For the first time ever, he faces a higher authority, looks them straight in the eye, and defies them. No more fawning, no stammering. He's done with trying to fit in and "act like an angel". Azi is stronger now, TRANSFORMING. He's going Home, and if that means possessing someone in a very non-angelic rather-demonic way, that's perfectly fine. He knows a very nice demon who will understand perfectly!

Crowley, alone in the bar, has no idea there is still Hope. He's lost everything. Aziraphale's return reignites him -- now our beloved demon will do and can do Anything to reunite with Aziraphale. His Angel is his "Reward", and Crowley faces down Hastur fearlessly, in total control of an inane situation. With sheer will and imagination, he drives through unsurvivable hellfire, and holds the Bentley together, determined to reach the Being he LOVES. HE IS TRANSFORMED.

Why do our own hearts flutter as we watch this scene? We recognize a Romantic Hero. Crowley has a new level of confident swagger, an extra swing in his hips. He will win his Beloved, and we have the backlit romantic silhouettes of classic cinema to prove it. The deep gentleness when he leans in and murmurs, "Leave it to me" always makes my heartbeat jump just a little more...!

The car explodes, reality returns, Crowley can't "fix" everything... But Azi again doesn't act like an angel -- it's up to him to deal with the soldier. When they encounter the child Antichrist, Aziraphale is ready to shoot if he must. He was broken and reborn, he no longer trusts Heaven and their rules. Instead, He Trusts Crowley. What was a horrific thought to him when they fought at the bandstand is now his free choice. He fires the weapon to kill the enemy and save everything he loves. Thankfully, Mdm. Tracy prevents him. Other unlikely heroes have also been led to the same place, and each contributes to averting the Apolcalypse.

For Aziraphale, there is one more step to be made to fully complete his Journey to Transformation. He still trusts God, despite everything he's experienced. When Crowley reaches out to his Angel, oh so gently and tenderly, at the bus stop, Aziraphale lights up, but isn't quite able to make that final commitment-- yet.

Lesley, the International Delivery Man, arrives. He takes away the symbols of the horsemen, as well as Aziraphale's sword. Remember, Aziraphale bravely raised that flaming sword against Satan himself. It's committing to Crowley that's the greater challenge. Lesley speaks lovingly of his wife. He leaves. As the bus approaches, Aziraphale thinks of love, and again ponders what Crowley first said:

"Angel, what if the Almighty planned it like this, all along? From the very Beginning?"

This is the final moment of Transformation for Aziraphale. Our Angel realizes that he can trust them both, God and Crowley. He doesn't have to choose. He doesn't have to surrender the core of who he is, an angel who loves and trusts both God and Crowley.

He commits, and accepts the Hero's Reward. He takes Crowley's hand. It's a Promise. It's a Vow. It's the Reward both of our Somewhat Heroes wanted most, the only thing that mattered to them, besides Azi's faith in God. Loving and being Loved by each other...

I would have loved to see a flashback scene of those quiet years in between. The years we as fans imagine and write and draw and share and reblog, the cocoa, the cuddles... Solidifying and building on the bond of six millenia, now fulfilled.

But I have no doubt what we were seeing in the beginning of Season 2. Stick around, if you'd like. This is only the start of more posts that might just convince you...

[251-dmr]

This is so well-organized and well-written. Yet, I have just a few concerns that are preventing me from fully agreeing with it at this time. If you'll just humor me?

I'm currently still thinking that Maggie is very tightly related to Azi somehow. The word simulacrum keeps coming to mind, but I'm not sure that's exactly right or if I'm understanding what a simulacrum really is. Basically some manner of a "copy" of Azi. Which I just cringe even typing that.

My first concern is how would Azi and Crowley 1) recognize that she is Jesus and 2) know they need to hide her. Technically, Crowley only learns about a delayed Armageddon 2.0 in Gabriel's trial, nothing was said about it being in the form of a Second Coming (unless I missed something?). And Azi only heard about the Second Coming moments before getting on the elevator.

It just doesn't feel like something Neil would do, to hide such a huge, important piece of information from us. We the audience see the hints and clues about it throughout the season, but there's nothing that has jumped out to me to imply that Crowley and Aziraphale knew. That, and the fact that Maggie and Crowley hardly ever interact. If he's helping to protect her, wouldn't he be more attentive?

Maggie uses similar mannerisms that Azi uses. Well, mostly having the lightly closed fists, as seen when she's trying to decide between the two teas. But the more I watch, the more I see just how much she does it.

Also, she holds her "Please help us" sign similar to how Azi holds the Everyday record -- 4 fingers on the front, thumb behind (sorry I don't have a good screenshot at the moment).

Her odd comment about loving the record shop since she was a baby and not being a normal teenager are just weird period, totally agree. And, yeh, they sure point to her not being "normal". Ha! maybe she was "born" fully grown (thinking back to Job and how babies can arrive in all sizes, LOL) such that the record shop is her first memory. Sorry, just being silly here. I have no idea about these statements.

A few comments on some of the other points: Azi expecting her to be able to have heard the trumpets and sensed the arrival of Michael, Uriel, and Saraqael could also track if she was somehow similar to himself. Same as when she refers to Azi as an angel for forgiving her the rent. If she is somehow Azi-ish, she could definitely invite the demons in during the Ball. As for the horn honk, I have another interpretation/theory about it but I'm not ready to admit it to anyone yet.

Hiding is indeed huge in this season and all season long I've interpreted Azi, with his almost-always having lightly closed fists, as if he's hiding or holding something, as a major clue. But I think I've been seeing it as foreshadowing for hiding something to take with him up to heaven, rather than an on-going thing. I could definitely be wrong about this, though.

I so don't get Nina at all. And other than recognizing the name Mary Magdalene I'm woefully unfamiliar with her bible story to even be able to comment.

So for now, I'm tucking your interpretation into the back of my mind where it can sit and percolate and rattle around. Because I can definitely be 100% wrong.

Thanks for listening. I absolutely love these ideas and discussions.

Maggie, Maggie

#1 Do not take my theories to Neil! None of them, nohow!

#2 Big fat spoiler, which I suppose I should have said on my previous theories, but hey. Big fat spoiler!

Here we go, I think I know something new.

I've seen a few blogs where people have suggested that Maggie is Jesus 2.0. I didn't think so at first, but now I do. Maggie is Jesus 2.0, and Crowley and Aziraphale damn well know it. Here's my evidence:

See this post about how I think Crowley and Aziraphale are hiding something. Hiding someONE? Yeah, I think so. Who the hell would they be hiding? Who would an angel and demon who averted Armageddon be hiding, especially if they are expecting a second go 'round? The BIG one, as Crowley says? Fucking Jesus, that's who. Okay. Now we're cooking with gas.

Maggie is clothing-coded as both a demon and an angel. Y'know, much like Adam is described in Good Omens the novel. "Part demon, part angel, all human."

Maggie is a bit of a goodie two-shoes. "Never was that sort of teenager, never wanted to drink, no judgment." Oh, yeah? A little better than other people, are you? Not in a hoity-toity way, just, a little better than others. A little.

Loved that record store since she was a baby, huh? How did she remember it since she was a baby? Much like Adam remembered the other two babies he was in the hospital with, as described in Good Omens the novel. "You never forget your first friends."

Maggie calls Aziraphale an angel. Not as if she knows, but as if she subconsciously knows. If she is Jesus 2.0, I don't think she's come into her powers yet.

Aziraphale expects her to be able to sense the archangels when they come to ask about Gabriel and the 25 Lazarii miracle. And the whole time he's asking her about the record, he's looking out the window very nervously, repeatedly. I've seen a few people note that a car horn sounds and he looks at it anxiously, and that does happen, but he is anxiously looking out the window the whole time. What is he watching for? In case someone notices him talking to Jesus, maybe? And when she doesn't understand what he's talking about with the archangels, he shrugs it off and refuses to explain, as if he has suddenly remembered that of course she won't be able to sense them, not yet, anyway.

The ball: Not only does she want to stay behind and help without knowing what's going on (very brave and generous), she invites the demons in by mistake, AND Aziraphale can't miracle her to go with Crowely and forget all about this. He tries in a bit of a panic, then gives up, as if he's remembering that oh yeah, he won't be able to miracle her, she's freaking Jesus.

That's why "miracles don't work like that." It's not that Aziraphale can't miracle people to fall in love, it's that he can't miracle Jesus. At all.

That light in her record store. You know, the one that looks EXACTLY LIKE ADAM'S LIGHT in the first season? You know, the one that I can't find a picture of right now. Because of course I can't.

The main reason Crowley and Aziraphale are so nervous about Gabriel showing up is because they are scared he is spying on them and will notice Jesus. The audience assumes Gabriel is scary enough on his own, and pay no attention to the fact that A/C are trying to keep him clear of noticing ANYTHING out of the ordinary.

Nina is Mary Magdeline.

The question that I do have is: What did Maggie do that had the same power as a 25 Lazarii miracle?? Because my entire theory revolves around Crowley and Aziraphale knowing -- or suspecting? Or searching for and being closer than even they know? -- that Maggie is Jesus, or will be; Saraqael being in on it; and them hiding whatever the BIG miracle was actually for and the audience assuming they are hiding the Gabriel miracle -- which they are not, although they are ALSO hiding the Gabriel miracle.

[jiejie-eonni-onee-sama]

My boyfriend is back...

For the dearest @fandoms-are-my-friends-1321​ ��💟

Hope you’ll enjoy the story!

TW: swearing.

It is a warm and calm summer evening, and (Y/N) walks down a London Garden, enjoying the perfumes and colors of the flowers around her.

She smiles while remembering the delightful afternoon she spent with Aziraphale in his bookshop. Despite their differences, the two often get along, and he always welcomes her in his charming shop with a steaming cup of tea and some pastries. 

She should thank Crowley for introducing her to the gentle angel...

Thinking of Crowley, the female demon can not help but smile as she wonders about their date. Where will they go today? In a country around the world or in a secret place? He always manges to surprise her...

As she feels the soft wind on her skin, she hears a deep voice behind her:

"Going somewhere, beautiful?"

Surprised, the young woman turns around and sees Hastur, one of the Dukes of Hell, standing behind her, with a crooked smile on his cracked lips.

(Y/N) sighs: since a couple of years, Hastur never ceases to woo her, which pisses her off, most of the time. She might well say no every time he asks her out, he does not stop his courting.

Cringing, she asks:

"What do you want, Hastur?"

"Oh, why so stern with me? It's not because I am Duke of Hell that we cannot be friends!"

"We do not have the same conception of friendship!"

Hastur laughs, exposing his crooked teeth to (Y/N), who resists the urge to puke.

"You have some character... I like that! No wonder why you are Our Devil Lord's favorite!"

"Are you jealous?"

"Jealous? Me? Oh no, my dear: in fact, I am quite impressed that a young demon like you is already in Satan's good books. But you prove yourself being worthy of His attention!"

He comes closer, much to (Y/N)'s disgust, and resumes:

"But I'm sure there is another reason..."

"I'm impatient to hear it!" she says with irony.

(Y/N) shivers with hatred as he gently strokes her hair.

"Perhaps your beauty strikes him in the first place! I cannot blame him..."

Sickened, the young demon hits his hand and replies:

"Hands off, you jerk! Try to touch me once again, and I swear that you will regret it!"

"Come on, don't be so sissy! This is not like we commit a crime..."

"In your point of view, maybe, but I am already with someone!"

"Who?"

(Y/N) answers with a grin:

"You know my boyfriend, or should I say, you HATE him!"

"Wait a minute... You mean that you have a relationship with this filthy being named Crowley?"

"Correct!"

"How can you waste your time with this stupid and worthless creature?"

"I don't know... Should I list the reasons alphabetically or chronologically? Oh, wait, I know: I should emphasize the differences between you and him!"

"Like what?"

"Maybe, unlike you, he knows the convenience of a bathroom?"

The Duke of Hell snarls:

"I'm not effeminate like him! I'll never lowering myself at the same level as him!"

"He is far better than you!"

"I doubt it, my lovely... He will never reach my level!"

"For sure, but my fist would probably reach your face if you don't back off right now!"

Both demons turn and see Crowley, who seems enraged. If his eyes could throw flames, Hastur would turn into ashes!

"What are you doing here?"

"Preventing a brute like you harass my girlfriend!"

"Come on, Crowley! We both know that you don't deserve a girl like (Y/N)"

"May I fix your statement, moron? YOU don't deserve a girl like (Y/N): she is too good for you!"

(Y/N) was amazed by the anger within her lover: she never sees him angered to this point. He doesn't need to get mad at this point, so why now?

The answer strikes her: Crowley acts like that because he is freaking jealous! She never suspects him being jealous: of course, he is very protective towards her but jealous... What a blow!

Meanwhile, the two male demons still verbally fighting:

"Since when did you bother my girl? Answer me, you jackass!"

"I don't have to justify myself, you useless snake! I have the right to talk to (Y/N) if I'm pleased to do so!"

"Talking? Are you kidding me? You were trying to take her from me, you hypocrite!"

"So what? You should not have the honor to touch her!"

"Nor do you, you sick old pervert!"

"What happens here?"

Crowley, Hastur, and (Y/N) turns and notice the presence of Aziraphale.

"I heard you yelling. Are you okay?"

"Everything is okay, Azi. Besides this old creep who tries to woo my (Y/N)!"

"Mind your business, you despicable angel!"

"Sorry, sir, but when someone annoys my friends, I have to intervene!"

As Hastur is about to answer, a deep voice booms under their feet.

"HASTUR!"

The three demons freeze as they acknowledge the voice of their almighty lord, Satan himself. Even Aziraphale stays silent.

Shivering with fear, the Duke of Hell demands with a quivering voice:

"Yes, O my powerful King of Hell?"

"Instead of embarrassing my dear (Y/N), I command you to come back down here! You have some duties left, and I HATE when I am waiting for results! So, if you don't want to experience the same sufferings as sinners, you better come here RIGHT NOW!"

"Yes, my Lord! I arrive as soon as possible, Your Wicked Highness!"

"And don't offend Aziraphale! I don't need having God on my back because of your silliness!"

"Of course, my Devil King! Here I am!"

And immediately, Hastur disappears in a dark cloud of smoke. After that, Aziraphale takes (Y/N)'s hand in a reassuring gesture:

"Are you alright, my dear?"

"Yes, thank you, Azi. You don't have to worry..."

She glances at Crowley.

"My knight in shining armor was here to defend my honor!"

"And I am very good at it!" proudly claims the demon.

"I do not doubt it... I leave you there: if I remember well, you two have a date tonight!"

"That's right!"

"Perfect! I return to my books! Have a lovely date!"

"Thank you, Azi-dearest! See you later!"

"Bye, Azi!" waves Crowley.

As the angel leaves the garden, the young woman asks her boyfriend:

"Do you really needed to be enraged at this point?"

"Of course, I need to! This creepy bastard was annoying you!"

She smirks.

"Aren't you jealous, Crowley?"

"Me? Jealous? Never!"

(Y/N) rolls her eyes: among all the demons, her lover is probably the most stubborn!

"Crowley, you were at this close to kill him! You were pissed that he was trying to seduce me!"

"I can't let this old dumbass wooing you without intervene!"

The female demon laughs:

"Oh by Satan, Crowley! You did not need to be as terrifying as Our Devil Lord to protect me!"

She cups his face between her hands.

"But I'm so glad that you're here to protect me. Thank you, my beloved!"

"Always there for you, my evil princess!"

The two kiss passionately. After the two lovers part away, she asks:

"So, where are we going today?"

"Ah-ah! This a surprise, my sweetheart!"

With a magic trick, he opens a void and asks her while offering his hand:

"Are you ready, my flame?"

"Always, my snake!"

As the two start their date, (Y/N) happily smiles as she enjoys her boyfriend's company.

Now, she is sure that if Hastur dares to try seducing her again, he is going to have trouble...

My boyfriend's back, and you're gonna get in trouble (Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

When you see him comin', better head out on the double (Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back) oooh

You've been spreadin' lies that you know were untrue (Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

So look out now, 'cause he's comin' after you (Hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back)

Paris Bennett - My Boyfriend’s back 

(Yes, I listened this song while writing) 😂

Thanks for the reading!

I hope you enjoy it!

Have a nice day! 🥰😘😍

[obaewankenope]

work your sad magic on my fluff headcanons! 1. Azi is responsible for Crowley's current hair. He'd kept it long for a lonnng time and Azi wondered (after some wine) if maybe it was time for a change, and they found some scissors, and then this bouffant happened. Azi is very sorry, and Crowley is very happy. 2. Crowley retains a lot of snake-habits esp. when he's tired/stressed/his brain turns off. Such as hissing/lisping, curling into a ball, taste-smelling etc.

Okay, you’ve got one of these filled for now :)

.

“To be trustedis a greater compliment than being loved.” - GeorgeMacDonald

When Crowley had been in heaven, his hair had been oneof his most favoured things about his Appearance. The locks rolling down hisback to his hips, curling and bouncing with motion and celestial power. Deep,burning red like some of his most beloved parts of the cosmos.

The fall had dulled the shine, taken much of thecelestial glow from his hair, but the curls remained. Shorter, less beautiful,but still beautiful. Different yet the same. Or the other way around. Like him[1].

Several hundred years and he rarely cut it. Perhapsthree times before the 18th century came and went. Once was out ofnecessity—too much hellfire being tossed around—but the other two were becausehe wanted—needed—a change.

Now, in this twenty-first century, full of a lot morevanity and confusion and self-doubt, Crowley’s hair stands out as a tad bitunusual—especially when he doesn’t bother to pull it back into a bun or braidit or any of the other myriad of ways humans have developed over the ages fortheir hair[2].

One of the styles he often uses is a simple bun,sometimes scraggly as all hell, that pulls enough of his hair back that itdoesn’t get in his way but he still feels like it’s got something to it. Someweight.

People probably don’t even realise how heavy hair is—especially people who are used to longhair and suddenly have it short. It’s very much like having a tonne weighttaken off you and being replaced with a cloud[3].

Back in Rome, Crowley had cut his hair but he hadn’t liked it. It just fit in with the styleof the times. Marked him as Not Briton and thus not a slave—he’d had enough ofthat after one day and he may or may not have caused a lot of suffering tobefall an entire line of Roman leaders for making the mistake.

In the 1970s, he’d cut it to be a little less obviousthat he was Different to the humans, especially since he needed to blend in andnot Stand Out[4]. He’d let it grow outafter and in the mid-90s it was a decent enough length that he quite enjoyedit. Of course, then he was informed he’d be taking the Antichrist to his DesignatedStarting Point on the gameboard called Armageddon and he’d forgotten all abouthis hair for a Good Long While.

Until Aziraphale touches it reverently after imbibingfar too much wine and declares, “it’s time you had a haircut dear” as though itwas the most normal thing to declare when neck-deep in your cups and half-fondlingyour demonic not-friend friend without any awareness of what said fondling was doing to said not friend demon friend.

This is how Crowley finds himself sat on a ricketystool—knees bent at odd angles so his feet can perch on the cross beam on thebottom of the stool legs, head back, shoulders taut—while an angel runs his fingersthrough red locks and hums appreciatively.

In short: it’s sheer fucking agony.

“You really ought to take better care of your hair,Crowley, it’s far too lovely to—to—be—left to get all tangled like this,”Aziraphale says, tripping over words because of his state of inebriation and nothingelse. Obviously.

Crowley wants to reach out and touch the angel whenAziraphale comes to stand in front of him but the demon keeps his fingers to himself and firmlycontrols his reactions. He may be drunk as all hell himself but he’ll be blessed if he fucks up now just for afew seconds of gratification.

“Been a rough few weeks, angel,” Crowley sighs, unableto stop himself from leaning into the touch of Aziraphale’s hand on his templewhen the angel touches the hair there with a gentle grace. “You’d be a littlebedraggled yourself in my place.”

“Oh, no,” Aziraphale disagrees, smiling, “I’d be anabsolute mess—a ‘hot mess’ as the kids say, right?”

No. No that is notright but Crowley doesn’t correct the angel, too distracted by the softness inthose angelic eyes affixed to the demon. “Something like that, yeah.”

It’s no wonder at all that Crowley agrees to letAziraphale cut his hair and doesn’t even complain about it—well, not muchanyway, he has to complain; it’s what he does—afterthe angel has given him an absolutely idioticcut that works for him only because Crowley has one of Those Faces.

“I am sorry,” Aziraphale says for what is probably thetwentieth time in as many minutes and Crowley waves him off.

“It’s fine, angel,” he says, turning his head left andright to look at the style from both angles. “This is—yeah—not—not bad.”

“Oh! Wonderful!” Aziraphale exclaims, clapping hishands together, forgetting entirely that he’s holding a pair of scissors thatdon’t impale his hands only because Crowley doesn’t want them to. “I really wasworried you wouldn’t like it!”

Crowley has no way to explain to Aziraphale that evenif the angel had made him bald hewouldn’t have said he disliked it without sounding Supremely Pathetic And Besottedand revealing far too muchat an inconvenient time. Instead, the demon miracles the scissors into his ownhands and gives Aziraphale a smirk. “My turn to return the favour,” he jokes,snipping with the scissors in the air.

Aziraphale instantly backs away with his nervousno-thank-you-very-much-I’d-rather-not smile and Crowley laughs.

“I’m only joking, angel,” he says, banishing thescissors away to wherever. “Your hairsuits you just fine.”

[1]No matter how much Crowley may argue to the counter, he is—and always has been—fundamentallythe same person whether he is Archangel or Fallen. It is revealed in the wayshe refuses to leave children to suffer, injuries to fester, and death to happenunless it’s Deserved or Entirely Necessary. Yes, he is only onedemon-eternal-being and thus cannot prevent all the suffering and pain anddeath there is, but—and this is the most important part—he tries. Oh, how he tries.

[2]Haircare—or hairdressing, as it is known—is something humanity developed thousandsof years ago, with Greek writers mentioning the habit of hairdressers. In someunabridged versions of Aristophanes works, hairdressers are referred to as both‘blessings’ and ‘nightmares incarnate’, likely owing to the tendency of ahairdresser to either be the nicest person on the planet or someone who likelyneeds to be strangled with a hair extension. Those specific works ofAristophanes are not to be found bythe common websearcher or archive-hunter; indeed, they can be found only in Aziraphale’s shop on the thirdshelf from the bottom of the first aisle of shelves on the right of the door.But that’s not a hint to go looking. The Principality is very protective of hisbooks, even the ones documenting HairdressersFrom Hell (published 1902 by anonymous). He will hurt you.

[3]This metaphor comes from the author’s own experiences with long ass hair thatis just Too Long To Be Practical and thus was cut short in a rebellious act ofFuck You Mum and turned out rather well in the long run.

[4]Ostensibly, Crowley argued that it was to be better at demoning but the truthwas so he would be less obvious to any demons in the area and also—mostly actually—because he had to reportregularly to hell in the 1970s and 1980s and he wanted to spice it up a littleconsidering the last time they’d seen him he’d had… well… sideburns.