#Mas he was simply hilarious

[mattybsgroupie]

dress | chris sturniolo

contents: fwb; fingering (f receiving); (slightly) exhibitionism; soft dom!chris

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notes: writing chris was hard at first but i had so much fun! i still have another request for him on the drafts - the weeknd anon i did NOT forget you - but i figured id write this one first to get used to it lmaoo it’s so weird let me get my matt back! which btw gonna post a really long one on their birthday and then imma lock in on the pegging request (sturniolo police don’t kill me) it’s super super short but i hope you enjoy it ♡ tysm for over 1k followers, much much love ♡ it’s NOT proofread — i apologize for any mistakes but hopefully they won’t harm the story.

requested by: my dear funny gorgeous smart friend whom i very much love @thepubeburgler

- ♡ -

i couldn't stop laughing. nick had stumbled upon his feet and fallen flat onto the sofa, not making any effort to get up. amidst all the laughter, my hair got caught up in my hoop earrings, yanking my strands forward. “shit”, i muttered, trying to loosen it with my fingers as i recovered from the hilarious sight in front of me.

after a while trying, i realized i wasn't going to be successful in detangling my hair. i headed for the bathroom, turning myself to the reflection in the mirror and bringing my body near the sink so i could see better.

still listening to the chatter outside, i noticed footsteps approaching. they sounded unconcerned, like someone was dragging their feet until they suddenly stopped behind the door.

i heard three sharp knocks and answered “come in”, bumping into chris leaning on the doorframe. he checked me out from head to toe, not saying a word. instead, he simply entered the restroom and chuckled, watching me struggle with my own earring.

“let me help” he said, pulling up the sleeves of his t-shirt and stepping closer, tucking part of my hair behind my ear and cupping my face with both hands. chris quickly sealed our lips on a playful kiss and started to work in undoing my tangled logs, soon popping my hoop back in. he allowed me turn and check in the mirror if he'd done it the proper way, and i nodded as i admired the sight of us both standing there, in that tiny bathroom. i was wearing a long sleeve, knit sweater dress, stripes accentuating my curves and outlining my hips. chris looked handsome as he always does. he had a yellow bandana tying his long hair back and a necklace enhancing his collarbones. i couldn't help but let out a sigh, receiving a giggle from him in response.

both of us noticed how the atmosphere quickly changed, becoming more tense as chris came closer to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head on my right shoulder, blue eyes piercing me through the mirror.

“you look so good” he whispered in my ear, dragging his hand on my dress while biting on whatever his lips could reach. he saw my nipples hardening, poking through the thick fabric and with a naughty grin, he squeezed my thighs, running his hand upwards until my sweater was above my hips, exposing my panties to him. 

chris' fingers brushed over my underwear, teasing my waistband. i held my breath as his digits went down, sneaking inside my black panties. watching chris touching me in front of the mirror was almost pornographic, my mouth hanging open while he kept on groping my skin. i slightly opened my legs, spreading my body weight better and giving him more access so he could drag his fingers through my already folds. chris' lips reached my neck and i threw my head back, letting him mark me as much as he wanted.

he wouldn't take his eyes off me. i could feel he had noticed how my breath got heavier, my chest rising as he decided to increase his pace, quickly rubbing my clit. “eyes on the mirror, ma” he muffled in my ear. ”take a look at yourself, how pretty you are”

“chris-” i moaned, struggling to continue looking.

“do something for me yeah?” he asked and i nodded vigorously - i'd do anything if that meant he'd continue touching me.

chris took his finger out of my underwear, making me groan in frustration. he held back a laugh, wrapping his arms around my waist and taking a few steps backwards, carrying me with him. his back was now resting against the wall and he brought one of his hands to the back of my thighs, giving two light taps, asking me to lift it up.

i had now one foot on the floor and the other hanging as he held my thigh up, soon motioning me so i could step on the countertop while he kept me balanced by holding me in his arms and supporting me with his legs. “let go, babe. i'm holding you” he said, noticing my stiff body, unable to relax in that position.

chris's digits ran across my bare skin and soon reached the spot where they had been before, making me gasp. “shh” he shushed me, “just wanna make you feel good, mamas. nobody's getting here babe, relax f'me”.

i took a deep breath and nodded, acknowledging that chris would never do anything i didn't enjoy. he pulled my panties aside, exposing open pussy to both of us in front of the mirror. chris teased my entrance, two digits pressing on my thigh hole as he pretented to thrust all at once, but only massaging the area before going back to my clit, his circular motions causing me to whimper.

one of my hands went behind chris, trying to get a grip of his hair, but my desperation made me end up tugging on his bandana. he groaned in a playful tone as the fabric came down his eyes, messing up his curls and blocking his vision. i finished pulling the bandana off, putting it between my teeth before returning my hand to chris's hair, pulling and begging him to keep going.

his palm left my waist went up to my breasts, groping my tit before he gently returned to my tight hole, slowly pushing his middle finger inside.

“look how well you're taking me, ma” he spoke, turning my attention to how his finger had completely vanished in me, filling me up entirely. as couldn't even moan because of the fabric in my mouth, let alone speak, i jointed my hips forward, indicating to chris that he could start moving. “so eager aren't you?” i nodded in agreement. i needed him to fuck me.

chris began to speed up his movements, the wet sounds of my pussy taking over the small bathroom we were squeezed into. in one of his thrusts, chris added another finger, stretching my walls in a sudden move. i rolled my eyes and opened my mouth, the yellow cloth i was holding with my teeth falling on the floor beneath me. with my lips now uncovered, my whimpers got louder as chris kept on fucking me. he curled his fingers inside of me, hitting my sensitive spot and making my legs tremble. noticing i wouldn't last long, chris tightened his grip on my thigh even more, leaving a mark that would definitely be purple the next day. 

chris shoved his fingers in relentlessly when his thumb met my clit, letting my hips buck forward unconsciously, the friction increasing my pleasure. the knot in my stomach was turning harder to ignore, chris's heavy breathing on my neck made me even hornier while his free hand played with my covered nipples. 

“chris- shit!” i whined “chris let... let me cum, fuck!”

“no one's stopping you mamas” he whispered, moving my hair to the side as my moans became louder and louder. “go ahead. don't be fucking loud, everyone is outside. you want them to know i can get you off this quick?”

i was thrown off the edge when chris pulled me closer and i felt his hardened cock being lazily dragged on my ass. i could feel his boner poking me through the cloth when my orgasm washed over me, my chest panting heavily as chris kept his grip on me, holding my body while i came back from my high.

he allowed me to rest, taking my thigh on his hand and gently letting my foot meet the floor again. chris turned me over, letting me snuggle in his chest as i watched him t bake both fingers to his mouth, licking the mess i'd made. “you're so fucking delicious” he said, pulling out of the hug and bending over to pick up his bandana. he quickly tied his long, brown locks into the yellow fabric and unlocked the door after giving me a kiss on the forehead.

“chris! where are you going?”

“outside...?” he said as if it was obvious when he saw my furrowed eyebrows “i'll tell them i was helping you fix your dress or something” he joked and i rolled my eyes, catching a sigh of my figure on the mirror. i looked ruined.

“you're staying over tonight, right?” chris asked and i nodded as i fixed my hair once again, pulling my dress down and covering the purple marks he had left on my legs. “great, you can pay me back later” he clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth and winked at me, leaving the bathroom and closing the door outside.

- ♡ -

taglist (drop a 🌸!): @thepubeburgler @submattenthusiast @pearlzier @mattsfavbitchhh @her-favorite @bugeyedgrl @mattslittlecumsslut @sturncakez @riowritesitall @joemamaaa42069 @mattsturnswife @sturnsmia @sturnthepot @mattscoquette @sturniolofandomthings @conspiracy-ash @ilovemattsturn @lizzymacdonald06 @sofieeeeex

[joonberriess]

⊹₊ ⋆ “that dick make my soul smile,”

TAGS — creampie, fingering, slight degradation, dirty talk (LOTS), jk’s a sleazy mess at first, oc is done, mamas is stressed out, rough sex, jk rocks her shit 💀, some praise here n there, jk’s affectionate tonight, sex tapes r mentioned again, shower sex(?) not rlly, possessive!jk, breeding kink, never ending saga of jk saying “mama” or “ma”

WORD COUNT — 2.6 k

“Trash, trash, trash,” you mumble to yourself while you sort out the mail in your hands, “oh definitely trash.” You sigh and shake your head. You’re knocked out of your thoughts when you feel a pair of arms wrap around your middle and pull you back, “What the hell–” You hiss in surprise.

“Hey mama.” Jungkook’s stupid voice comes from behind, you already know he’s sporting a stupid grin on his fucking face. You shove his arms off and turn around to look at him with an annoyed glare, “Oh c’mon don’t be like that, aren’t you happy to see me? You weren’t mad at me like this yesterday when you had my head between your–” You quickly reach up to cover his mouth and look around the empty hall.

“Are you insane? There’s people around, Jesus, you don’t have any shame do you?” You side eye him, “First off,” you shake your head, “what are you doing here? I didn’t text you and Jiho didn’t ask, so why are you here?” You give him a look, “And if you’re looking for Jiho you’d know he’s on a camping trip with his cousins.”

Jungkook raises his hands in surrender, “Can’t a man come see his baby mama anymore? Shit you suck the fun out of trying to surprise you baby,” he shakes his head but you know, Jeon Jungkook isn’t fooling anyone and certainly not you.

“You forgot, didn't you.” You scoff, “Of course you did, what else did I expect? This camping trip is all Jiho talked about last week and yet you still manage to forget that because you’re thinking with your other head.” You roll your eyes and turn to unlock the front door, “Sometimes I wonder what Jiho even fucking sees in you, you’re a deadbeat Jungkook, a deadbeat.”

Jungkook chuckles, “To be fair my other head is the reason you get a good night’s sleep.” He says with a smirk on his lips as he stands there admiring the way your ass looks in that tight pencil skirt you’re wearing. You turn around to shoot him a glare but say nothing else and simply step into your apartment. Jungkook leans against the doorframe with both arms raised, “So, you gonna let me in sweetheart?” He licks his lips, poking his tongue out to push at his lip ring.

You look into his eyes and then down at his lips, “Well?” You shrug your coat and slip your heels off, “You gonna stand there all night or what?” He chuckles quietly and slips into your apartment, shutting the door behind him.

“This is new.” Jungkook comments, “Don’t remember you ever smoking.” He inspects the ashtray with a noncommittal hum.

“It’s not just for me.” You say uncharacteristically calm, “I bought it for you, figured you needed one since you love leaving a mess on my patio.” You don’t miss the way he smiles fondly at you, “Don’t get too excited dipshit, I smoke too, don't forget that.” You scoff and disappear down the hall.

Jungkook whistles under his breath and follows after you, “I didn’t say anything ma,” he kicks your bedroom door closed and settles himself over your bed, “what’s up with you? You’re not being your usual angry self.” He watches you go around your room putting things away and picking out your clothes.

“I’m tired Jungkook, I had two meetings back to back and all I wanna do is come home to shower and sleep. Can’t do that because you decided to come bother me at this fuckin’ hour.” You mumble and then throw a pair of panties at him full speed, “Don’t think I didn’t see the shit you posted either, you’re not funny.”

Jungkook throws his head back with a laugh, “Really? Cause I thought it was hilarious, I think it perfectly describes us.” He cheekily grins at you with that dumb lovestruck look of his.

You stop to give him an exasperated look, “Jungkook,” sigh, “telling people you’re always fucking your baby mama regardless is not funny, neither is saying ‘I fuck her when she mad at me.’ You’re a child.” You shake your head. You throw more clothes onto the bed and grab your robe and towel, “Don’t make a mess in my house Jungkook, I’m not in the mood tonight.”

Jungkook watches you with a pleased smile, “I won’t.” He reaches for your tv remote, “I’ll be rightttt here, sitting like a good boy for you ma.” He winks, “You just go ‘head and shower.” You eyed him suspiciously for a few seconds, he kept smiling goofily so you ended up walking away with no words.

You know he was up to something with the way he kept smiling so stupid. You grumble under your breath and hope he just doesn’t cause you to have a fucking aneurysm or something. You swear this man was going to send you to an early grave at this point.

Everything sounded pretty quiet out there, you heard Jungkook get up at some point but you figured he was going to smoke or get something. He even left the TV on, which you were grateful for because you didn’t do too well with silence. “What are you doing..” You mutter with closed eyes, just enjoying the hot water running down your exhausted body.

You were in the middle of reaching for your loofah when you heard the glass door open and Jungkook step in after you. “Pass me that bottle over there.” You softly hum.

Jungkook whistles softly and tugs you back into him, “Relax baby, let me do all the work.” He says in your ear, “I got you..” He gently pries the loofah out of your hands, “Worked so hard this entire week, baby deserves to rest.” He squirts some of your body wash onto the loofah. You don’t correct him because that’s true, hell you deserved this princess treatment for putting up with his ass too.

He gently ran his hand over your body, lathering your body up in the soap suds leaving you smelling like strawberries. He doesn’t try any funny business surprisingly, when he finishes he puts his hands on your shoulders and begins massaging gently. A quiet moan escapes your lips as relief rushes through you, “Damn you’re stiff as shit here.” Jungkook comments.

You lean your head back on his chest with a closed eye smile, “You’re finally being useful for once.” You chuckle.

“What are you talking about? I fuck you plenty baby, far as I know this dick makes you fall asleep faster than the fucking melatonin you take.” He laughs, making you laugh a little too. Jungkook lets your shoulders go and wraps his arms around your waist, tugging you backwards so your back is to his front. “Got you something special.” He mumbles into your shoulder.

“Did you now?” you huff in amusement and gently stroke his arm, “What did you get hm?”

“Nothing much, figured you needed a night in so I ordered some fried chicken and soju.” He lays gentle kisses over your shoulder and buries his face in your neck, “I set up a movie to watch too.”

You turn your head to face him, looking into his eyes before smiling softly and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips, “Thank you. Guess you’re not a dipshit afterall.” He laughs at your words and you ignore him, opting to press your lips against his once more. Jungkook welcomes you, his fingers dance across your tummy and inch downwards causing your breath to hitch in excitement.

Jungkook’s lips wetly smack against yours, muffled grunt leaving him as he holds you tighter against him. The kiss initially started off slow and more controlled, now it’s wet and messy with sloppy noises filling the space between you two. You pant into his mouth and your eyes flutter open to look at him pleadingly.

Jungkook grins softly as he pushes you towards the glass, “There you go baby, let loose for me, I’ll make you feel so fucking good.” He has you pressed right up against the glass, tits smushed and hands on either side of you. You bite your lip and push your ass back against his thick cock, it’s hot and throbbing against your cheek making you all the more eager to get it inside of you.

“Look at you, pussy’s drooling all over my cock,” he bites his lip and swipes his cockhead through your dewy slick folds, “hear that? ‘s your pussy callin’ out to me baby.” He pushes in slightly, letting the tip pop in with a lewd squelch.

Your lips part in a breathy moan and you push back for more but he stops you with a gentle hand on your hip. “Not here baby, relax for me.” He says as he lets his cock slip out, “Gonna fuck your pussy with my fingers first, get you nice and stretched out before I fuck you with my cock.” He cups your pussy in his hand and lets his fingers slip through the mess dripping from your folds.

Jungkook takes his time opening you up, slipping his middle and then his ring finger into you until they’re knuckle deep. Your mouth falls open but nothing comes out, this is exactly what you needed after those long hours in the office this entire week. Jungkook does not disappoint when he begins pumping them in and out slowly, making sure he hits every nook and cranny inside of you.

“There we go,” Jungkook whispers and begins kissing down your neck, “doing so good for me mama,” he sucks a hickey into your skin, “let go for me.” He nibbles on your earlobe and uses his other hand to wrap around your throat, not choking–simply holding it.

Your eyes flutter shut and you lean your head back on his shoulder, “Oh fuck yes,” you sigh in bliss, “right there.” You circle your hips, gasping when his fingers brush against your g-spot.

Jungkook pulls you back in and kisses up your neck slowly, “You’re so fuckin’ pretty baby, look at you, dripping all over my fingers like a little cock hungry slut. Bet you missed this dick baby, need me to come fuck it in your needy little pussy, have you all spread on the bed for me begging for more,” he whispers as he kisses the side of your face, “you gonna be a good girl and take it?” He jabs his fingers into your g-spot causing a burst of pleasure to hit you.

“Yeah,” you pant softly, “want it deep inside,” you bite your lip and spread your thighs a bit wider, “need it so bad.” You whimper quietly and push back on his fingers.

Jungkook chuckles breathily, “Yeah..” He moves his fingers faster, jostling you as your back arches, “Make it messy for me sweetheart, go ‘head and cum,” he has you locked in place, keeping you from moving anywhere. His fingers piston in and out of you rapidly, loud squelching noises resonating as bits of slick drip down your inner thighs.

“Oh fuck..!” You gasp and clench down, “C-Coming..” You hump his fingers desperately, “K-Keep going, right there, right there,” you whimper out and feel your orgasm come crashing down on you, hitting harder as all the stress lifts itself from your body.

Jungkook slows down until you’re whining in overstimulation, “Clean ‘em.” He slips his wet messy fingers into your mouth, “Fuck.” He groans, “C’mere baby.” He turns you around and lifts you up in his arms, “Need you on my cock.”

“Wait, the water!” You reach behind blindly to turn the knob, groaning when he begins sucking on your soft tits.

.

“Fuck..!” You throw your head back on the pillow with gritted teeth. He’s fucking you so fast and hard you’re honestly no sure what to focus on anymore..him? The skin slapping? The bed creaking? He’s not making it so easy either with the way he’s groaning and panting right by your ear.

Jungkook has you folded under him, his hands grip the back of your thighs and hold them up while he plows your swollen dripping pussy with his fat cock. The room feels stuffy, sheets are strewn about messily and you’re both laid bare in the open without a single care. Jungkook isn’t faring much better, his moans are choked up and every so often you feel him throb inside you.

“You like that baby?” He pants breathlessly against your lips, “Got you clenching so tight around my cock, practically drooling all over me.” He rolls his hips against yours smoothly, pelvis pressing down and rubbing along your clit stimulating it. His balls press against your taint with soft palping noises every time he grinds into you.

You shakily claw at his shoulders and moan needily, the angle certainly has your legs feeling like jelly and your poor cunt throbbing from the pounding he’s giving you. “Love it,” you turn your face to slot your lips against his messily, “fills me up so good baby.” You cup his face in your hands and hold him in place while he works his cock in and out of you.

Jungkook lets out a muffled moan as he starts picking up the pace, hips smacking into yours over and over again with deafening slaps. He lets your thighs go in favor of planting them on either side of you on the bed, “Hear that sloppy little pussy? Got it creaming all over my cock and makin’ a mess. Who’s fuckin’ you baby? C’mon tell me.”

“You are.” You whimper out, “Shit–right there,” you mewl.

“That’s right sweetheart, no one else can give it to you the way I can. You can fucking try but at the end of the day this pussy is mine to fuck,” slap, “mine to use,” slap, “mine to breed.” He growls in your ear lowly, “Gonna ruin you for anyone else, so next the time you plan on letting someone else have it you’ll be remembering the way I fucked you so good.” He hisses softly and sits up, landing a set of punishing thrusts on you, making your body bounce a bit off the mattress.

Your head rolls back and you let out a series of staccato moans, crying out for more and scrambling to grip the bed sheets, the pillows, the blankets–anything. He’s fucking you within an inch of your life and you feel like you’re about to pass out from the sweet pleasure mixed with a tiny hint of pain from the way his hips smack into your ass. “Jungkook..!” You sob out.

Jungkook grits his teeth and reaches down to pinch your clit cruelly, relishing in the way your back arches off the bed. “Go on, cum for me little mama.”

With perfectly aimed thrusts and the combination of his fingers on your sensitive bud, you cum for a second time on his cock. He leaves you trembling on the bed, whimpering and whining. Jungkook follows up shortly with a low moan and your name escaping his lips, “Fucking hell.” He whispers breathlessly.

You let your jelly-like legs fall on the bed, “I’m not getting up.” You mutter, “Put the chicken away, ‘m going to sleep..” You turn on your side and curl up, shivering when his cock slips out of your battered pussy.

Jungkook hums, “The things I do for you baby,” he sighs softly as he strokes your thigh up and down, “lucky I love and appreciate you mama so much.” He rolls out of bed and slips his loose sweats on.

“You love me.” You sleepily mumble, “ ‘n you love my pussy.. I love your dick too.” You smile in your sleep, a bit delirious from the fucking and the strong orgasm he had given you.

Jungkook eyes you with a grin, “Damn right I do.”

TAGLIST: @fragmentof-indifference @jungkooksseuphoria @kooliv @angelarin @jjeonjjk7 @lilliankoo @pb-n-juju @ellesalazar @saweetspoiled @laylasbunbunny @prettyprincejk @cherrysainttt @hyunjinswifeee @joongraduatewithonor @hellbornsworld @leire-mia @m1sss1mp @lissful @winkii @lifeless-firefly @exactlygreatcoffee @taestoess @ayalies @floweryjeons @softtcurse @lilspinachwrld @tearyjjeon @littleobsessedkitty @lovelovelovebts @angeljmnie @rerefundslocals @bangtans-mama @thvhoe @maddkitt @tvse @ohjeon @teteswtnr @jkslovey12 @kelsyx33 @milfpo1ice @sluttydidi @ztyur @beomgyuult @shescharlie @sweet-sourhotcoco @lalita-7 @hazzzelsdimension @p34rluv @kook-net @bonita0-0 @vmapy @dahliadaenerys @frieschan

[five-flavor-soup]

i think it’s very funny that we realise zuko is Handsome(™️) the moment his hair starts growing out again at the same time that other characters notice this, and zuko literally gives zero fucks. song was like man this boy’s got a scar i can emotionally connect with AND he’s cute, jet has an instant obsession because that lee guy is playing hard to get, jin frequents the teashop just to stare at the pretty refugee and snags an awkward adorable date with him to stare some more. and zuko just. does Not notice. or care.

he’s so obsessed with going home that romance or attraction simply isn’t even an option in his mind. he is leaving a trail of broken hearts behind him. he is a serial dater in that way that the dating is basically one-sided and he is entirely unaware there was any dating happening in the first place, because he’s too busy to even look at someone twice. jet stalks him bc of this. katara briefly seems to treat zuko picking azula’s side as a betrayal in the sense of Cheating On Her. this is all one-sided.

zuko is entirely unable to compute this Whirlwind Romance thing. he has no idea what these ppl are talking about. he has things to do. love is In The Way and he is slashing through it with his dual swords like sokka sliced through the vines in the swamp. in s3 we suddenly have ma|ko without any lead-up, and it ends the moment zuko has a New Goal to work towards. he breaks up with his gf through a letter. he forgets about her the moment she’s out of sight. the fact that she’s in prison completely slips his mind until he’s literally about to be crowned fire lord, and that’s only because she decides to step back into his life.

there’s no time for romance when zuko has decided to have a Purpose to work on. is he attractive? zuko wouldn’t know and he doesn’t care. zuko has a job to do and whether it’s catching the avatar or teaching the avatar firebending or breaking ppl out of prison or helping the angry watertribe girl who always entertains the idea of freezing him to a tree get closure for her mother’s murder, it’s all still a job. no time for kissing or blushing or dates when you’ve got a fatherlord to dethrone and a world to save. none of his dreamy hairflips and handsome brooding are intentionally attractive but it’s perceived as such anyway and that is HILARIOUS to me

[canthelpit0]

Come through

Pairing: Cocky!Player!Chris x Reader

Word count: 4.5k+

Summary: chris hand always been a player. Would that change once he becomes famous? -no.

Warnings: smut, player!Chris, influencer!Reader, party, mentions of drinking/tobacco/weed, pet names (ma, pretty boy, pretty lady, sweetheart, etc.), bathroom sex, semi public, oral m!receiving, fingering, p in v (protected), praise kink, swearing, no use of y/n, no oc, written in 2nd pov

(A/N: English is not my first language, and I always appreciate feedback enjoy! love y'all. this is heavily inspired by come through, the song.)

Chris had always been sort of a fuckboy.

And with his growing fame it wasn’t getting any better.

Chris has a huge ego. Sure people would always say him and his brothers are nice and humble, but that doesn’t mean Chris can’t be cocky at times.

He didn’t drink. He was underage, though in LA nobody really cared about that anyway. He just didn’t like drinking.

Chris and his brothers would always be invited to some random LA parties.

At first Chris never wanted to go. He didn’t like partying. He didn’t like the smell of alcohol, tobacco and weed.

However he soon came to realize that his looks and fame would get girls swooning over him.

He was being a player and he knew it. However none of the girls he’s ever been with complained.

He made sure they know that it would be a one night stand, and that he doesn’t date. And it worked for him.

★ ★ ★

You were an upcoming YouTuber and influencer. You were starting to gain more and more followers. People were starting to notice you more

You were known for your humor and your witty comebacks.

And as much as you would like to deny it, People didn’t just loved you for your personality, but they also loved your body.

You were gorgeous, To put it lightly.

So obviously when Chris saw you on his for you page a week ago, picking out an outfit to put on for some place you were going to that day, he thought you were hot.

Not that he’d do anything about it.

He wasn’t the type of guy to slide into someone’s dm’s. Because quite frankly he didn’t care that much.

★ ★ ★

But when he saw you at the party he was attending tho…

You’d been carelessly dancing. You weren’t drinking, even tho you were 21. You didn’t want to drink today. You wanted to have sober fun and hang out with your friends.

Your friends always did and said the craziest things when drunk. And watching it as the sober designated driver was hilarious.

You feel big hands being placed on your waist delicately.

You turn around to see who it was and to your surprise it was one of the sturniolo triplets.

Chris.

He’s bold for just touching you like that. But for some reason it was hot. Maybe it was just the air laced in weed that was getting to you, but you were enjoying this.

So you simply dance with him.

After a while you both leave the middle of the crowd going to the kitchen to talk. The kitchen being way less crowded than the living room of this house party.

“You’re bold.” You chuckle pointing out watching as his expression morphed into one of amusement and lust as he checks you out.

“Couldn’t help myself ma”

“Sure you couldn’t, pretty boy” you chuckle rolling your eyes at the statement.

Chris, to the public was known to be a sweetheart. But in LA, around other influencers he was known to have quite frequent hook ups. And he was known to never leave any of the girls not satisfied.

You, having moved to LA recently for your career, have heard all about it. People were ‘warning’ you, but no one was outright telling you it was a stupid idea. Because was it tho?

“What’s a pretty lady like you doing here anyway?” His goofy grin is wide as he stares back into your eyes.

His eyes are a light shade of blue, but in the lights of the party and his blown out pupils they look dark. His brown hair long, and a mess.

After people had told you about him and his brothers (And particularly Chris’ reputation), you had searched them up and watched a few of their videos. They were quite funny.

And Chris in particular seemed to not be able to take anything seriously.

“Nothing, just having fun.”

You shrug taking a sip from your red solo cup. It was filled with plain water. Chris raised an eyebrow at that.

“You’re not drinking?” He can’t help the small laugh he lets out at that. Tho he is secretly glad you’re not. This was his chance to get you in bed, but he wasn’t going to do anything with a drunk girl.

“No,” you chuckle back. “Designated driver” you raise your free hand in surrender as if it was a crime.

He chuckles at your antics his eyes trailing over your face over to your body once more.

“Eyes up here sweetheart.”

His eyes snap back to yours his goofy grin staying right where it was.

“Sorry ma, you’re just really distracting.” He smiles looking down at you.

You weren’t that much shorter than him. But granted you were wearing high heels. He wasn’t even that tall himself though.

You were wearing a tiny mini dress. One that ends right below your ass. Your cleavage being low giving him a great view of your boobs.

“Oh, I’m distracting?”

You tease. You take a step closer to him, stepping into his personal space as you tilt your head up to look at him better.

His hand goes to the side of your jaw rubbing his thumb over your cheek gently as if asking for consent. You wrap your arm Around his neck pulling him down connecting your lips.

The sweet kiss turns more heated when his hand moved from your jaw to the back of your neck. His other hand holding you by the small of your back keeping your body flush against himself.

His tongue graces your lips asking for entrance with you eagerly give, parting your mouth slightly so he can slip his tongue into your mouth.

You make out, your tongues tangling in each other as you simply kiss for a moment.

His tongue hungrily exploring your mouth. He leans into you more tilting your head back more, kissing you with all the lust in his body. Kissing you Like he wants to devour you.

You eventually pull apart to breath. His lips immediately meeting your jawline. He kisses down your jawline moving down to your neck to your collarbone.

“Damn you smell amazing.” He breaths out. His voice strained from the previous kiss.

“Thank you” you chuckle your hand finding its way into his messy waves. You scratch his scalp with your freshly manicured nails causing him to let out a low groan.

He pulls back slightly. He leaves a quick peck on your lips before looking at you again.

“How about we go somewhere.” His voice low and raspy. Laced with the attraction and lust he feels for you.

You just hum. He starts to drag you back through the living room, through the crowd of people. Getting to some random bathroom. He opens the door and lets you walk in first.

You immediately stand in front of the mirror, leaning over slightly to fix your hair.

He closes and locks the door behind himself. He stands behind you watching you through the mirror. You make eye contact. In this new lighting his eyes seem clearer.

He stares into your soul as you push back from the sink.

You swiftly turn around and sink to your knees in front of him.

Chris would’ve never asked. But wich guy doesn’t like head.

“So eager” he chuckles. His hand goes to the top of your head petting it gently. Before he picks up your chin, making you look up at him again.

Your head is tilted back as you look up at him through your lashes. you know he’s probably had countless woman in this same position. But it never got old for him.

And he liked seeing you like the is anyway

“You look so pretty like this you know.” He mumbles before leaning down and leaving a heated kiss on your lips.

He stands back up straight, and you can’t help the way your eyes trail to his crotch. It was right in front of your face and you were getting impatient.

Before you know it your hands go to the top of his jeans, tugging on them gently. You were asking for permission without asking.

He chuckles at your eagerness, undoing his belt, then unbuttoning the jeans and letting you slide them down.

You can already see his huge erection through his boxers. Your mouth was already watering at the sight.

You pull down his boxers fast. His length springing free, hitting his abdomen.

You flinch back slightly. You look at his length with an eyebrow raised not doing anything for a moment just admiring.

You’ve never seen a dick be this pretty. It had a thick vain running up the side. It was long, at least a good 8 inches. It was thick, not too thick, but enough that you knew the stretch would burn.

“You good?” He asks. He was clearly holding in a laugh. His hand goes to your hair, still just patting the top of your head.

“You’re sure you’re white?” You tease one hand cupping his member as you start to gently and slowly jerk him off.

“Definitely, sweetheart” he chuckles rolling his eyes at the comment. People always asked about it. Wich is fine since most people weren’t used to his size. the constant questioning was so annoying sometimes.

But the way you teased him with that sentence was just too good.

His red tip is already leaking pre cum. He eagerly waits for you to start. You press a small peck on it, while looking up at him your eyes staying locked on his.

You start to kitten lick the tip. You watch as he lets out a slightly shaky sigh at the contact.

“C’mon ma, don’t tease.”

You pull away slightly chuckling at the statement. You teasingly blow air on it, watching as he shivers. But before he can start complaining about your teasing you take his entire tip in your mouth swirling your tongue around it.

“Yeah, like that.” He sighs softly. He rubs your cheek with the back of his hand as you hollow out your cheeks to give him more pleasure.

His hand moves to my hair taking it and putting it in a makeshift ponytail. You start to take him as deep as you could, starting to slowly bob your head. Sucking and swirling your tongue. You take him as deep as you can jerking off what you can’t fit with your manicured hand.

The sounded coming from it are sinful, and so are his low moans and grunts.

When you hear his soft grunts turn into moans you can tell he’s getting close. You pull off with a pop. You stroke him gently, and then teasingly lick a stripe up his shaft.

“You like that?” You tease licking at it. He groans in annoyance. He thrusts his hips back to get more friction from your hand.

“Please keep going.”

You lick your lips briefly watching him. His eyes meet yours. You chuckle starting to suck him off again. This time you do it more vigorously and faster than before. His dick repeatedly hitting the back of your throat as you slightly gag around it.

Chris’ grip in your hair tightens as he starts to tug in it. He holds you in place stopping your movements as he starts to harshly thrust in and out of your mouth.

The sounds of your moans send sensations of pleasure through him. Every sinful sound echos through the small bathroom, making the music outside sound non existent to you two.

His cock is repeatedly hitting the back of your throat. Your eyes water at the harsh feeling. You try to gag as little as possible.

“Fucking- swallow ‘aight” he breaths out harshly. You hum as best as you could. The sensation tingles through his spine. And with a last thrust you feel his cum pore down your throat. You try your best to swallow as much as you could.

He gently pulls out. His thumb rubbing the corner of your lips where some of it had leaked.

He puts his thumb on your plump and swollen lips. And without a secound thought you suck on his thumb. You blink away the tears that’d been forming.

The sight is enough to have him going all over again.

His grip on your hair had loosened, but he still pulls you up by it gently.

He turns you around, so that you’re facing the mirror your hands on the sink. Your ass presented to him.

His eyes meet yours through the mirror once more. Seemingly asking for consent, to wich you nod.

His hand starts to trail over the side of your thigh slightly under your short dress.

“Words baby”

“Yes Chris- please” you waste no time asking him. You want him to touch you where you crave him the most.

“Gonna be a good little slut now?” He teases. His eyes stay locked on yours through the mirror.

“Mhm” you mumble watching him. You feel him start to pull up your dress. He bunches it up right over your ass.

His fingers go to trail over your slick wet folds. Chris pushes the lacy thong to the side. He rubs his fingers briefly over your clit, before going to tease your cunt.

“Words, sweetheart.” He repeats, his eyes staying locked on yours. He had no problem teasing you until you comply.

“Yes-“ you get cut off by a Moan. When he slams two of his long fingers into you.

Your body jolts forward, your thighs hitting the cold sink. You grimace at the feeling.

“Wow, so sensitive?” He teases leaning over again to leave a quick peck behind your ear.

He starts to plunge his fingers in and out of your cunt. He roughly fingers you, his long fingers curl just right to hit your sweet spot.

You let out a breathless moan letting your head fall forward. You were leaning on your arms for support.

You feel his big hand wrap around your throat as he pulls you back up. “Now, now, baby watch yourself.” He teases.

“Keep those pretty eyes on me” he taunts. You flutter your eyes open. You feel his fingering get rougher as you can feel your climax rapidly approaching. You’re tempted to close your eyes again, but you’re sure Chris would edge you or something.

So you try your best to keep them open and staring at his face.

“Good girl. Yeah. Just like that.” He praises. His low words sending tingles to your core. You can practically feel yourself get wetter at how words and the sound of his voice alone.

Your wetness is loud. The lewd sounds bounce off of the bathroom walls. That along with your sweet low moans, while you try to keep yourself together.

“You like my praise honey?” He asks in a sweet tone. His words sound so innocent. Unlike the very things he’s doing to you right now.

“Yes- god” you whine, this time not hesitating to answer.

He chuckles at your eagerness speeding up his pace to give you your release. His fingers curl at just the right spots, reaching places you couldn’t reach by yourself.

“I’m close-“

“I know.” Chris grins keeping his eyes on yours through the mirror. His hand moves higher from your neck to your jaw, cupping your face roughly.

He turns your head to face him. He roughly crashes his lips onto yours. You try hard to focus on the kiss, but the way he finger fucks you has you weak in the knees. The kiss is sloppy and messy. His tongue explores your mouth as you try hard to focus.

You whine loudly. His lips catching the moan as he only picks up pace even more. He gets the hint that you’re close. And before you know it, you’re coming around his fingers.

He lets go of your face. You lean further on your arms. Your Hands harshly gripping onto the sink. You let your head fall forward as you pant harshly.

He gently pulls out his fingers. His eyes focused on the way you’re throbbing around nothing.

He sucks his fingers clean humming at the taste of your cunt on them. “Did so well for me ma” he hums reassuringly, pressing a sweet kiss on your neck.

“You think you can take another, sweet girl?” He says softly.

“Please.” Your breath out your voice shaky. You pick up your head looking at him through the mirror again.

He leans down briefly to his jeans that were still pooling down at his feet.

Chris puts his hand on your hip His eyes locking with yours through the mirror. He holds out a condom with one hand. He leans over you to leave a quick peck on your shoulder.

“I’m clean” you raise an eyebrow at him through the mirror. He doesn’t respond. “And I’m on birth control..” you trail off watching him.

He grins letting out a low laugh that seems to vibrate through his entire chest.

He presses his chest up against your back as his arm wraps around your torso. He leaves another kiss on your shoulder, trailing it up to your neck and right under your ear.

“I’m not taking any chances ma”

His voice is low and seductive. The tone sending vibrations right to your core.

“Fine for me” you shrug as you watch him lean back. His eyes lock on your ass. He licks his lips.

Chris roughly rips open the condom package with his teeth. Rolling the condom over himself fast. He was eager to get into you as fast as possible.

He hums in response, caressing your ass gently, his other hand guiding his dick through your soaked folds.

He gently starts to push into you. Letting you take the tip first. Once he feels you relax he rams in the rest of his cock.

You let out another breathless moan at the impact. Chris doesn’t move right away tho, he wants to make it last as long as possible.

“Good” he praises lowly rubbing your hips soothingly. Your body was tense, and he was waiting for you to adjust just a little bit.

You let out a shaky sigh pushing yourself back on him. He takes the hint that he can move now.

So before you realize it, he’s relentlessly pounding into you. You let out a squealed moan at the sudden intense feeling of his movements.

“Oh- fuck-“

He chuckles, and suddenly you feel a harsh slap on your butt. You wince at the harshness. Chris’ hand goes to knead your ass, easing out the pain.

His other hand trails from your waist to the small of your back to arch it more, consequently pushing you closer to the sink.

You lean over the sink. You try hard to keep your head up and look at him. But with the way he is hitting every spot inside of you, it’s hard for you to focus right now.

Chris notices the struggle. One of his hands trail from your hip, up your back teasingly. Before he grabs your hair roughly, putting it in a makeshift ponytail.

“Does the pretty girl like getting her hair pulled like a slut?”

The way he tugs on your hair, the way his sharp eyes trail over your body , and then lock on your eyes through the mirror. It’s all so hot to you.

You let out a shaky breath between Moans. “Yes-“ before you can say anything more you feel him tug harder on your hair And his thrusts becoming harsher.

His eyes train back onto your ass And the way it looks when he thrusts into you. The way his cock disappears in your wet cunt. It’s so captivating to watch for him. He could stare at that sight for hours.

“Gorgeous girl wants to get fucked like this?” He questions teasingly. Another harsh slap echos through the bathroom, But it feels so euphoric.

Your eyes close momentarily at the feeling. Before you feel him rub your ass again. Chris tugs on your hair again, to wich you open your eyes.

“Keep your eyes open and watch me fuck you”

Chris’ words are harsh. He is being dead serious. His breaths sharp and his tone laced with lust.

You only let out a mumble to wich he pulls on your hair harsher. And another smack echos through the room. You jolt forward again at the sudden impact, but this time he doesn’t ease the pain away. Instead his pace gets even rougher.

The sound of skin clapping, and the lewd sounds of your soaked cunt are loud, Creating a sinful melody.

“Touch yourself ma.” He huffs out harshly keeping up the pace. Chris keeps his fingers tangled in your hair pulling on it. While his other hand stays firmly on your hip. The harshness at wich he is holding onto you would be enough to leave bruises.

Without thinking you reach one hand down starting to rub your clit furiously, chasing your own high.

“Close” you moan as you keep repeatedly rubbing your clit. And the way Chris’ cock is hitting your cervix only intensifies the feeling.

“Come around me baby” you’ve been pulsing around him all this time. You were already squeezing him so tight. What he wouldn’t give right now to just feel your cunt squeeze him while you come.

So he keeps going. Until you let out a loud whine. You close your legs as best as you could and You clench around Chris harshly.

Chris keeps up pace. His eyes locking to your ass. Watching the way his cock disappears into you over and over. Watching the way the condom he’s wearing is covered in your slik wetness.

What he wouldn’t give to just raw dog it and feel your cum on his bare dick right now. He was tempted to actually just take off the condom to see and feel this without one.

Chris’ thrusts become more messy. But his pace doesn’t let up. Until his hips stutter and he lets out a breathless moan burying himself into you one last time.

His jaw is dropped. He moves his hand from your hip, instead wrapping that arm around your waist, holding you close. He leans over your back keeping himself inside for a moment. Chris burries his face in the crook of your neck. You both breathe heavily at your previous orgasms.

His hand in your hairs loosens. Until he fully lets go. His hand rubbing your scalp since he’d been pulling on it relentlessly.

“Did so good for me ma” he mumbles. His face stays buried in your neck for a moment.

You place your hand back on the sink again, trying to catch your breath and steady yourself.

You’d just fucked a random influencer. Some random player. But, god, was that worth it. No wonder none of his one night stands ever complained. That was fucking amazing.

You just mumble out a quick agreement.

He stands up straight. Gently pulling out as to not hurt you or anything. He takes off the condom.

But while he gets rid of it you don’t even pay attention to him. You look at yourself in the mirror. As much as you want to regret it, you can’t.

You pull your thong back into place and pull your mini dress back down.

You examine your face. Your hair was messy from the pulling, and your make up was only slightly smudged. You’d almost cried while deepthroating him, but you luckily hadn’t. Tho your mascara was still slightly smudged.

You could feel your cunt still ache.

You can see Chris pull up his pants from the corner of the mirror. And then fasten his belt back.

“You okay?” Chris asks his arms wrapping a round you. He looks at you through the mirror . His expression is soft and more caring than you’d expect. Most guys would’ve left by now.

“Mhm.” You mumble watching his expression through the mirror. He narrows his eyes at you.

“Do you regret it?” He asks softly. His tone sweet, like he is talking about something normal.

You purse your lips trying to hold back a smile. The fact that he cared to ask if you regret it or not. Everyone told you he’s a fuck boy, and that is motto is literally ‘hit and quit’. But why was he being nice then?

“No” you speak. And you can’t help the small chuckle that leaves your lips.

He turns you around so you face him. He presses a quick peck on your lips. Before he leans over and grabs a random towel off a rack. He wets it slightly in the sink behind you.

And then he sinks onto his knees in front of you. He looks up at you pulling up your dress again slightly.

“What’re you doing?” You question. a chuckle leaves your lips at the sight of Chris on his knees in front of you.

He leans in leaving a soft kiss on your thigh.

“I’m not letting you walk out with your cum running down your thighs ma.” Chris laughs, he then runs the damp towel over your inner thighs.

He cleans you up enough for you to not feel so sticky anymore. He places your panties back. Then he gets up again. Chris pulls down your dress for you before placing another kiss on your lips.

He throws the towel into some laundry bag carelessly. At your curious gaze he explains. “A friend of mine is throwing this party.” He shrugs.

There is a silence for a second where you two just look at each other. Neither of you say anything. Until you speak up again.

“Do you always wear condoms when you hook up with girls?”

You ask before the words even register in your mind. And once they do a blush creeps over your cheeks.

“Yeah. I won’t wear one next time if you don’t want me too.” He chuckles. “There will be a next time?” You question.

Chris was the type to only hook up with a girl once. He probably didn’t even remember half of their names.

Instead of answering though, he leans in and kisses you. The kiss is slower, not heated like the previous one shad been.

One of your hands moves from his neck to grab his phone out of his back pocket.

You Lean back slightly. You type your number into his phone. Then you hand it back to him.

He grins at the new contact on his screen.

“I’ll see you around pretty boy.”

You smile giving him another kiss on the lips. And this one lingers. You slide out of his grasp opening the bathroom door. he watches with a goofy grin, as you leave.

You leave going straight back into the crowd of drunk influencers. Trying to search for your drunk friends that would be around here somewhere.

You know he’s a player. So you don’t know if he’ll call you. You don’t know if you’re special, and if he treated you different than others. But if it came down to it you’d at least tried.

But,

He’s not into dating.

Materlist

(A/N: I literally wrote this within the span of one day. I feel like this is probably the best thing I've written so far. Hope you enjoyed <33)

‼️please don’t copy my work/idea‼️

Taglist: @muwapsturniolo , @sturnad , @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 , @evie-sturns , @me09love , @fratbrochrisgf , @spideylovin , @chrissgirlsstuff , @ecliphttlunar

[sturnioz]

I just need some kitty and Nate team ups where they try to get Chris and bun to do cute things

note. this is from kittys (confident!reader) perspective. reason being, its to not only give you an insight to what bun seems like from another pov, but to also show you the friendship nate has with kitty cos i don't think i've written abt it yet.

"'kay, hear me out," nate's voice rings out the kitchen, pulling your attention away from the bowl of homemade hummus, looking up to see him rubbing his hands together with a wide grin plastered across his face. raising an eyebrow, you scoop some hummus with a tortilla chip and chew slowly, watching as he pulls out a chair and drops down beside you. "gingerbread house."

you blink, "what?"

"it's christmas, yeah? perfect time to start doin' some festivity shit—are you with me? you listenin'?" his eyes are fixed on you while you maintain a deadpan expression, crunching another chip between you teeth are you stare back. "right. so, i'm thinkin' we buy a few gingerbread house kits 'n get everyone to do it—including chris and the kid."

a sceptical smile creeps onto your face, "you really think chris would go out of his way to build a gingerbread house?"

"well, no, but m'sure we can get matt to convince him or somethin'," nate counters as he tries to reason, and you consider it for a moment, wondering if your boyfriend would help with your plan to get bun and chris to bond over something fun.

"maybe," you purse your lips in thought. "got any other ideas."

"carolling—"

"no."

"c'moooon..." nate groans, dramatically rubbing his face with his hands. "that shit will be fuckin' hilarious."

"and you're fucking insane if you think bun is going door to door singing in front of people," you scoff, grabbing another tortilla chip to scoop up more hummus. "what about some secret santa type of shit?"

nate leans in, his eyes sparkling. "go on, i'm listenin'..."

"we can put all our names into a hat, but we purposely make sure that they pick me and matt or something, so they can shop together for a couples gift—"

"why not pick me and bee?" nate interjects, his eyebrow raising as he drums his fingers on the table.

you tilt your head to the side, "you and bee are a couple now?"

"no..." nate murmurs, but a wide grin spreads across his cheeks. "but chris' got a loooot money 'n i would like a pricey little gift out of it."

you blink once again, your expression flat. "you're un-fucking-believable."

nate scoffs as he leans back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. "as if you're not thinkin' the same thing. i know you've been eyeing those fuckin' black little chunky platforms, kitty. m'not stupid."

a smirk tugs at your lips, "i got them."

nate's eyebrows shoot up. "matt bought you those already?"

"no, idiot. i bought them for myself."

nate pulls a face, his tone incredulous. "you bought yourself a christmas gift?"

"mhm," you hum, taking another bite of your food. "independence, sweetheart."

"hey," nate puts his hands up in defence. "m'all for women's independence—i love my ma—but isn't christmas, like, the time where you make other people buy your gifts?"

"i had the money, so i bought it," you reply simply with a shrug of your shoulders, pushing your bowl of hummus to the side with a few leftover tortilla chips. "anyway, that doesn't matter. we're talking bun and chris."

"bun and chris," nate repeats with a slow nod as he reaches over to grab a tortilla chip, munching thoughtfully. "i don't think the secret santa is a good idea—"

"what? and building a gingerbread house is?" you shoot back.

"look, i know chris," nate says, his tone serious now. "and he isn't gonna go out lookin' for couples gifts. he'll just make her do it by herself."

you grumble, hating how right he is. the thought of chris leaving all the effort to bun makes your frustration bubble. plus, you know all to well how bun prefers to pick out something meaningful that reflects her relationship with each person, rather some couple item.

"and.." nate continues, sensing your hesitation and thoughts. "the kid isn't gonna buy some matching shit, she's all about personal."

"i know," you huff softly, leaning back in your own chair. "i think we're going to have to try and do the gingerbread idea."

"what gingerbread idea?" a quiet voice speaks from behind you, and you turn your head to see bun standing in the doorway of the kitchen — her eyes wide and curious as she stares at the two of you.

you coax her over with a smile, gesturing for her to join you. nate gently pushes out a chair with his foot, an invitation to sit, and bun carefully glides into the seat. you slide your bowl of hummus and tortilla chips in her direction, offering her something to eat.

"we're thinkin' of doin' some festivity shit for christmas," nate explains casually, keeping it light and not giving away full details of your plans. "you up for it, kid? decoratin' a gingerbread house?"

bun nods slowly, biting into the hummus covered tortilla chip. "yeah.. sounds fun."

you can't help but smile at her response, knocking your shoulder gently against hers as you assure her it'll only be the frat house participating in decorating and the moment you see her relax at that, a sense of relief washes over you.

with a smirk, you dip your hand beneath the table for nate to give you a sneaky high-five, the light slap of your palms barely heard by bun as she continues eating — your plan coming together perfectly.

you hope, anyway.

divider credits. @issysh3ll

© STURNIOZ

[annislittleshopofhorrors]

You know, I love your blog and your funny/shady comments about 🐟 unable to handle her husband getting the attention and not her.

But I’ll admit, I always laughed it off because we can say that but nobody really knows what’s happening.

Until yesterday. LMAO. I know, I’m sorry for not really listening to some of y’all… but she needs some serious help and for once, to put down her goddamn phone.

I also realized that I knew she was going to try and do something to put the attention back on her and nothing she does on IG is ever a coincidence. This is the actions of a very manipulative but also very stupid individual with narcissistic tendencies. To her five asskissers, look away.

She follows that light and dwell designer the day after people made fun of her for showing her PT apt (btw, now I wonder if she was hoping people would think it was the house her husband was allegedly building for her in PT like some blogs believe)

When that didn’t work, follow this designer lady back after months (funny how she does this quite often when she’s not getting the attention she wants).

Follows some random directors. She still wants a job. That custom ugly furniture ain’t gunna pay for itself!

Posts a random photo dump of suggestive photos to indicate nothing but also making sure the ones who care will try and figure out if she’s in MA, NY, NYC, Canada, Wherever the narrative of where she lives fits.

meanwhile, her husband is in NYC filming with his attractive female costar who is much more well known than her (even if it’s the nepo baby comments) and has two films of her own coming out this month and her Madame web movie is still doing pretty well on Netflix.

Their pap photos are much better received by the general public and have comments shipping them and wishing they were together instead. Yikes!! Also…they actually do look good together. They fit.

Btw, I don’t think 🐟 is jealous of Dakota because of Chris. TBH, I don’t think she’s into her “husband” at all. From her actions, she doesn’t care about him or his well being. She cares about what his name can do for her. That’s it. And right now his name is being lumped with Dakota and not hers and I think it’s pissing her off. She needs to get those cheap outfits comped one way or another and her Liberia film isn’t cutting it. Miumiu not calling her back and nobody wants to see her in a solo pap walk….so.

Sorry to all the team asslickers on here but even you have to admit yesterday was a hilarious show your ass moment.

Sidenote: I like to think CE is putting on a bigger effort to look like he likes Dakota because Celine song is directing this film and he wants to do well for her. And also, he seems to simply just like Dakota. She’s pretty hilarious in her own right when she’s not being a flat actress 🤣 and maybe…just maybe, he wants to show you all whose watching that he does know how to act like he’s in love with someone. He just didn’t want to the last time he was in that park.

😉❤️

Yep, she doesn't care about him (and I don't think he cares about her). It's all about using his name to be mentioned in some gossip magazines. Otherwise these magazines wouldn't talk about her. And even the Portuguese magazines have to mention him when they talk about her. The Portuguese people don't care about her. I'm not even sure if they know her name.

[plutoccult]

NO ME QUEDA MAS

pairing: hajime iwaizumi x female reader

description: iwaizumi’s wedding day was a day you dreaded for many years. now that the day had finally come, you regret never telling him how you feel.

word count: 1.6k

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: finally, a new theme! i’m on an angst GRIND, you guys. been feeling really unhinged lately thanks to my girl @intorder for giving me fuel for angst, who also beta read this hurt piece. oddly enough, my life has been pretty good lately, so idk why i thought to write this. i’ve never written for iwaizumi before, but he came to mind first when i thought of this idea. this was definitely inspired by that one scene in 13 going on 30, but i made it hurt even more. i hope i did iwaizumi justice, and i hope you all enjoy without crying?

tags: @toorubobatea @intorder @dragon-slayer5 @jeanboyjean @femme-lune @darthferbert @kob3nie @thelazyhuevito @multi-fandom-fanfic @sterieshinso @kiiyomei @chrybdcsm @alienlatteinspace @abonbonblr @luverofutoshi @p3ritwinkle @juuzou13

taglist form here

“well? how do i look?”

iwaizumi turned around to face you as he showed off his suit. you couldn’t believe he was actually getting married today, and that the person he was marrying wasn’t you. it was hellish to shove your feelings down your throat for decades, especially when your friendship suffered god knows how many miles apart.

a part of you died the day he returned from california. you were so thrilled to see him, missing him so, but your heart shattered the second you saw he brought a girl with him. it was even worse when iwaizumi spoke to you about her, saying he felt like he knew she was the girl he would marry the second he saw her. you wanted to be that girl, and maybe you could’ve if you simply spoke up. after all, everyone always teased you two about ending up together growing up.

“you look great, iwa.” you force a smile. it wasn’t a lie, he was the most handsome man you’d ever seen, standing so proud and tall in his suit. not a single scratch or crease on his shoes nor any signs of wear in his jacket. as much as it pained you to see it, iwaizumi had grown up.

“you think so?” he asked, checking himself out in the mirror, scanning for any flaws in his outfit. “i could’ve sworn i saw lint on the back of my jacket.”

“oh, i can get it.” you offer. iwaizumi immediately said “yes, please” and “thank you” before you stood up to help him. his back faced you, shoulders as strong as ever, making this all the more difficult for you. if you were his bride, you probably wouldn’t be seeing him like this right now. it was bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, after all.

“how come your groomsmen aren’t up here helping you?” you ask, cursing yourself in your head for being so nosy.

“i’m sure you can understand i didn’t want oikawa up my ass before i go down there.” iwaizumi chuckled. you force yourself to copy his laughter, pretending as if you found this so hilarious. if oikawa were here, you wouldn’t be ridden with temptation right now. only he could stop you from saying things you knew you’d regret.

“i guess i should feel special then, huh?” you question. “be the first to see you like this…”

“mhm.” he replied, you see him nod in the mirror. “special privileges for my best friend.”

you felt your stomach tie up in knots as he said that. best friend. that’s all you were, that’s all you ever allowed yourself to be. it could’ve been you waiting for him at the altar, but instead you’re helping him get prepared to marry another woman, ready to beg him to run away with you.

you pretend to inspect the back of his jacket, knowing there wasn’t any lint anyway. it was absolutely flawless, just like him. this was torture for you, and you couldn’t stand another second longer.

“listen, iwa…” you begin to say. “i should tell you something before you go down there.”

“oh?” iwaizumi turned around to face you. you felt as if his eyes were piercing through your soul, making your heart race faster than it was before. “what is it?”

“i, um…” you hesitate. was it too late to go back? yes, yes it was. “i think you’re marrying the wrong girl today.”

“huh?” he furrowed his eyebrows.

“i mean, i think you should be marrying me instead.” you blurt out.

“y/n, what are you talking about?” iwaizumi questioned. this couldn’t be real, this couldn’t be happening right as he was about to get married.

“i’m in love with you, iwa. i love you.” you admit, your heart racing upon your confession. you should feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders, but something heavy still lingered on top of you.

“no…” he shook his head. iwaizumi had rejected the possibility a long time ago. even if he loved you just as long as you loved him, you were just too late.

“yes. i am.” you say.

“you’re saying this now?” he asked you. it almost made him want to laugh. life was just so funny, he thought to himself. why couldn’t you have said this before? why did you wait until he was about to get married? if things were different, iwaizumi would be reacting to this much differently right now.

“i know i should’ve told you before you went to california—“

“should’ve? i wanted you to!” iwaizumi interrupted you, much to your shock. “everyone said you were going to before i left! i just figured they were just messing with me afterwards…”

you remember telling oikawa how you felt about iwaizumi, it was his idea to tell him before iwaizumi left for california. you had it all planned out in your head, but as you stood there at the airport, you couldn’t find the words anymore. you chickened out, cursing yourself on the way home and the days that would come. it only made you feel worse when iwaizumi found someone.

what you didn’t know was that he expected your confession that day. you should’ve known oikawa would run his mouth. he always meant well, always hoping you’d end up with iwaizumi, but look at you now, a delusional fool.

“i was going to, iwa. i just got scared…” you confess to him. “if i could go back to that day, i’d do it differently.”

“well, you can’t turn back time, y/n. it’s too late.” he said coldly, almost like a stab to the heart.

“why not?” you ask, desperately clinging onto your delusions.

“i moved on.” iwaizumi replied. he might as well be twisting a knife, even if he was merely speaking the truth. “we've both gone down different paths, we both made choices, and this is what i’m choosing.”

“i just thought…” you began to say, but fall silent.

“just thought what?” he asked, raising his voice. “that i’d give up everything i’ve built for a last minute confession? one that i gave up on waiting for years ago?”

you don’t say anything. what was there to say? it was exactly what that sick part of you deep down expected. how stupid of you to think he would drop everything just because you finally had the courage to confess your feelings. if there wasn’t a whole wedding waiting to happen, maybe iwaizumi would change his mind.

you look away in shame. even if you didn’t speak your thoughts aloud, you still felt disgusted now that the reality of your confession hit you. you were terrible to think this way. not just a terrible person, but a terrible friend too. it was unfair to expect such a tall order out of him, especially now.

“my family’s down there, my soon-to-be in-law’s are down there.” iwaizumi said. “we care about each other, you know?”

“i know.” you say quietly as you bite your lip.

“y/n, you…” he let out a sigh. “you don't always get the dream house… but you get awfully close.”

you look up to meet his eyes, tears streaming down your face. to him, you were always the dream house. if only you had known that before, you thought. iwaizumi felt ridden with guilt rejecting you like this, and it didn’t help that you were crying your eyes out.

“please don't cry, y/n.” he begged you.

“what? no, i'll be fine, i promise.” you force out a laugh, no matter how much it killed you. you saw the look in iwaizumi’s eyes. he knew you weren’t truly okay, but he also knew that you were letting him go. it was the right thing to do.

“y/n…”

“it’s okay. i'm fine.” you wipe away your tears, trying your best to be strong. “i'm just crying because i'm happy. i want you to be so, so happy.”

you did, you wanted him to be happy. even if it wasn’t with you, you owed him the ability to be happy. it was the least you could do while you still had some of your dignity left.

“i love you, iwa.” you barely get the words out. “you… you're my best friend.”

you see iwaizumi’s eyes well up with tears, a rare sight to see. only you could produce such a reaction out of him. only you would truly have his heart forever, but life doesn’t always work out the way you want it to. it was just the way things go.

“i should go. everybody’s waiting for you.” you say, on your way out the door.

“y/n, i...” you stop in your tracks, waiting for what he’d say next, and it only crushed you even more. “i've always loved you.”

overwhelmed, you walk out of the room in tears, ready to bolt out of the venue without another thought. oikawa found you on your way out, asking what was wrong and where you were going, but when he saw mascara running down your face, he knew exactly what happened, and he knew he should’ve been there to stop it.

you insist to oikawa that he tell iwaizumi you were sorry before you finally left the venue. you couldn’t stand to be there a second longer, you just had to get out of here. as you head to your car, you hear the beginning of the wedding march play. the sound brought you to your knees as you violently sobbed. if this was rock bottom, then you finally reached it.

as much as you wanted to cry there forever, you force yourself to get up, finally finding the strength to get into your car. you didn’t know where you were headed, but you knew you had to drive off somewhere far away from here. if only you could just turn back time.

© plutoccult / 310802. please do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my content in or outside of tumblr. reblogs are appreciated <3

[mamawasatesttube]

I have a very important character for the ask meme: Krypto. (Yappy earth dog or super pup, dealer’s choice)

YEAHHHH superpuppy for the moment but maybe ill go back and do earth krypto sometime too hehe

Headcanon A:  realistic

he's made kon get incredibly good at home repairs. the supertail wagging against the back door, the overenthusiastic game of fetch that ended up destroying the farmhouse ac unit, the fly buzzing around the room that krypto didn't like so he lasered it to death (and also lasered a hole straight through the wall, but hey. he got the fly. he's a good boy.)

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

at some point he gets it in his head that he needs to check in on the people kon loves regularly. somehow this turns into him deciding that after dinner every evening, he's gotta fly to gotham and take tim on a walk. as in, he'll show up, leash in mouth, shove the handle into tim's hand, and wait impatiently for tim to go to the door and put his shoes on so krypto can lead him down the street.

tim does not get a choice in this. tim is not taking krypto for a walk. krypto is taking tim for a walk. the one time tim refuses and says he's busy, krypto simply takes him for a fly instead! yay yippee wahoo!!!

tim agrees to go for a walk the next day.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

how many times do you think ma and pa woke up in the morning to find that krypto wasn't at home, only to go down and find him, curled up, muddy, and miserable, on kon's grave?

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

i ignore prime earth being like "krypto is the generic family pet for all supers". that is kon-el's emotional support pumby dog that clark gave to him years ago. kon is his favorite and the bias is VISIBLE.

[daydreamerwonderkid]

Your opinions on superman?

Sorry for taking forever to respond. I was trying to find a way to properly explain how I feel XD

I am absolutely in love with Clark Kent. There is something so amazing about how the core of Clark's character is that he genuinely wants to do good because he simply believes it's the right thing to do.

I give a lot of credit to Ma and Pa Kent, obviously, for instilling that in him at a young age. But I also believe that Clark was always naturally inclined to be a kind person. He displays an impressive level of emotional intelligence and empathy for nearly everyone he meets. He's not perfect, but he makes an effort to understand other's motivations and actions.

I also appreciate how much he adores and respects Lois. Clark can never run out of things to say about her. I find it refreshing that a main stay of his relationship with Lois is that he admires and acknowledges her skill as a journalist/reporter. He never tries to undermine her or discredit her. In fact, one of the main reasons he's attracted to her is her dedication to her career. That and her bravery in the face of any danger she encounters. Even when she really should have bowed out forever ago XD

I also think it's very telling that of all the members of the Justice League, Bruce's best friend (other than Diana) is Clark. To me, that right there shows even further what a fantastic person Clark is. Because despite being someone as notoriously private and often irrationally paranoid as Bruce is, he is still able to let his guard down around Clark. I find it heartwarming and sometimes even hilarious that Clark is able to get away with giving Bruce absolute shit and Bruce is, more often than not, willing to tolerate Clark's teasing or even his serious reprimands. They both value the other's opinion and trust each other with their lives.

What I think more recent adaptations of Superman have forgotten, is that Clark never has had an interest in being a god or in using his abilities to establish himself as something superior to mankind. It's the opposite. Clark has such a high degree of self control over his own powers because of just how perfectly aware he is of how easily he could hurt someone if he wanted to.

But Clark doesn't have a desire for power. He genuinely wants to help people because he has the ability to do so.

Tldr; The reason Superman is so great is because Clark is a great person.

[catindabag]

TBOSAS on CRACK short take (58)

Io: Besties, listen up!

Coryo: We’re all ears, Jasper.

Io: Let’s join Ravinstill’s Annual Three-legged Race Competition this upcoming Saturday!😀

Felix: Why would you want us to join my granduncle’s competition, Io? Are we that desperate for pocket change?

Io: It will be fun!

Felix: No.

Io: Pretty please?🥺

Coryo: Felix, is the prize money even worth it?

Felix: Honestly, not really. I mean, at least you get 10 bucks and a gallon of beer for participating.

Coryo: And if you win?

Felix: 100 bucks and a box of expensive chips.

Coryo: Sign me up.

Hilarius: Me too!

Dennis: I do love money-

Clemensia: But seriously, Jasper, what’s the real reason why you want us to join Ravinstill’s Annual Three-legged Race Competition?

Io: Because our class fund is dead.

Urban: When you say dead, you mean-

Io: We have zero class fund money.

Urban: Like zero-

Io: Zero.

Felix: Zero?! How could our class fund be f*ckin’ zero?!

Coryo: Felix, who’s our Class Treasurer again?

Felix: Iphigenia Moss.

Coryo: Well, that explains it.😑

Festus: I don’t get it. What’s wrong with Nia being the Class Treasurer?

Urban: Everything.

Festus: I’m still too dumb to understand.

Clemensia: *sighs* Creed, I thought you knew?

Coryo: And I thought everyone knew.

Festus: Knew what?

Clemensia: That Nia is simply bad at handling money.

Androcles: True. She was even banned from managing her own weekly allowance by her parents last year.

Festus: So who the heck voted her to be the Class Treasurer?!

Sejanus: Palmyra, Andie, Urban, Florus, and Hilarius.

Urban: Plinth, I told you not to snitch on me!

Sejanus: That’s what you get for locking me inside Dean Highbottom’s broom closet without my Coryo, Canville!

Urban: I already said that I was sorry!

Sejanus: I specifically told you to make sure that my Coryo was there with me!

Urban: Fine! I’ll make sure to lock both of you inside the broom closet next time!

Coryo: Next time? What next time?!

Sejanus: Nothing, my love.😘

Felix: Hilari, you disappoint me.

Hilarius: It was supposed to be a funny joke, Class Pres!

Felix: Really?😒

Hilarius: Anderson and Florus peer pressured me to do it!😭

Androcles: To be fair, we never expected her to actually win the election-

Florus: But here we are.

Palmyra: And I just voted for Nia because I can.🥰

Domitia: Ugh. Typical and crazy as ever, Monty.

Palmyra: Thank you, Bestie!

Domitia: That wasn’t a compliment-

Livia: Where’s Nia anyway?

Florus: She’s currently hiding from the Dean and his Peacekeepers.

Coryo: What did Moss do now?

Florus: She stole Highbottom’s beloved goldfish again.

Coryo: For experiment?

Florus: For charity.

Dennis: Nice!

Io: So about that three-legged race competition. Does anyone else want to join?

Felix: *sighs* Sign me up too, Jasper.😞

Hilarius: Yo, we should totally invite our Tributes to join us!

Festus: Great idea, Hilari! Coral and I will totally win that sweet sweet prize money now!

Coryo: Heck, no! Lucy Gray and I will win that money!

Felix: You’re all wrong! Dill and I will be the perfect team to win that race!

Hilarius: Too bad, Ravinstill. I’ll just princess carry Wovey to victory!

Clemensia: Suck it, losers! Reaper and I will-

Florus: How should we even convince our Tributes to sign up with us for Ravinstill’s stupid competition?!

Sejanus: That’s so easy, Flory. My Ma’s cooking will be enough to convince them-

Florus: Even Marcus?😒

Sejanus:. . .

Florus: That’s what I thought, Plinth.

Sejanus: Coryo, my love, I’m sad!😭

Coryo: *sighs* Come here, Sej.

Sejanus: Hug?🥺

Coryo: Sure.

Sejanus: Yey! *tackles Coryo*

Arachne: Yo, I’m going out.

Vipsania: Me too.

Florus: Same.

Felix: Why? We’re not even finish-

Florus: Idiot Plinth and Snowy are starting to shamelessly kiss and make out in front of us again.

Hilarius: *takes out his very own “Snowjanus” camera* Don’t mind if I do-

Felix: Hilari, give me that camera.

Hilarius: *hisses like a cat and runs away*

Felix: Give me that f*ckin’ camera, Heavensbee! *chases Hilarius*

Hilarius: Never!! *runs in circles*

Clemensia: Ugh. My mother was right. I should’ve just chosen that homeschooling option instead.

Urban: But you didn’t.

[shadowgast-recs-weekly]

Cultural Differences - Shadowgast Recs

This week, we have twelve fics exploring cultural differences between Caleb and Essek! Read more under the cut.

Careful Steps by chaya (6066, Teen) Warnings: None A pre-episode 97 fic about Essek's attempts at courting Caleb according to both Kryn and Empire customs. Reccer says: It builds a cohesive picture of Kryn rules of courtship and by showing the wizards' interactions through this lens, it manages to express emotion and desire in subtle and often humorous ways.

Widogast 101: Introduction to Bread by ThreeGremlinsInATrenchcoat (2524, General) Warnings: None Caleb finds out that Essek has never eaten bread before, so he brings him a lot of Zemnian breads to try. Reccer says: Caleb is so fascinated with Essek's opinions on the different types of bread. It's very endearing.

my kingdom for a braid by hanap (10998, Teen) Warnings: minor violence Caleb and Essek are the rulers of the Empire and the Dynasty as well as star crossed lovers. When Caleb reaches out, years later, with what he thinks is a romantic gesture, Essek understands it as a declaration of war. Reccer says: It's got dramatic irony! It's got a wonderful breadth of POV characters! It's beautifully written!

In the Interest of Identity by firefright (2232, General) Warnings: None A late night talk on the importance of names. Reccer says: Some lovely pining and Dynasty worldbuilding

Inventory by Operafloozy (3862, Teen) Warnings: None Yasha helps Essek out with some cultural misunderstandings, and also packing. Reccer says: Great worldbuilding and voices - it's about Essek and Caleb's relationship, but also Essek and Yasha and how they relate to the Dwendalians in their lives.

the apple of one’s eye by saturdaysky (1286, Teen) Warnings: None Essek gifts Caleb a very authentic traditional Zemnian garment. Or so he thinks. Reccer says: Hilarious, sweet, and surprisingly hot! It’s a quick read but a memorable one.

gilded by renquise (1949, Teen) Warnings: None A deliciously horny little fic with an old dynasty courting custom at the centre. Reccer says: For such a short little fic, the world and the characters feel so rich and lived in. Super hot as well as tender and sweet and a treat for hand kink havers!

And All the Trifles, Sweet and Frail by Interrobang (2329, Explicit) Warnings: Trans Essek-- this fic includes vaginal fingering. Drow have certain customs about handwear and hand-to-hand contact. By Kryn standards, Caleb is a bit of a trollop. Reccer says: Excellent sense of tension and sensuality, but also, the fact Essek finds handholding to be Extremely Scandalous is SUPER funny to me.

Appetites by portraitofemmy (1793, Explicit) Warnings: None Essek muses on the voracious nature of humans. Reccer says: Lush, indulgent, and gorgeous

In My Head, I'm Yours by Marmeladeskies (31346, Teen) Warnings: no warnings “I… my Den’s annual meeting is coming up, and I need a plus one, to put it simply.” “You need someone to pretend to be your daaaaaaaate?” Essek brings Caleb as his "fake" date to a family reunion. Feels and shenanigans ensue. Reccer says: I love the in-depth depiction of the Dynasty as a matriarchy, and thus Essek as a male drow has to put up with much of the same bullshit that female-presenting humans do. The flipped social dynamics are super interesting to me.

For these last two, we had multiple recs each for them:

Indecency by RainyDayDecaf (5898, Teen) Warnings: None Caleb and Essek keep accidentally performing courtship rituals from the other's culture Reccer 1 says: A really adorable 6+1 fic, super cute and sweet Reccer 2 says: It's just very cute and fluffy. The boys are in love and stupid about it at times. Reccer 3 says: The wizards are flirting and pining and blushing and accidentally going WAY TOO FAR with their intended gestures because of cultural differences. It's soft and sweet and funny and like a warm hug.

In the Closet of our Discretion by Firefright (12280, Mature) Warnings: None Caleb gets a hands-on lesson on how the many layers of Dynasty formalwear. By taking it off Essek. Reccer 1 says: I love the worldbuilding inherent in it, along with the wonderful build-up of tension as Caleb removes each layer. Reccer 2 says: Such a good study of dynasty clothing. Reccer 3 says: Well written, romantic, and sexy! Reccer 4 says: If you like costume porn or headcanons about the Dynasty having pseudo-Victorian modesty standards, then this is the fic for you. Disclaimer: despite my costume porn description, there is no actual smut in this, though it does have one of the hottest disrobing scenes I've ever read.

Have some questions? Wonder who's doing this? Check out our FAQ, and look for us next week, when we'll have a new rec list centered around canon divergent AU's!

[the1975attheirverybest]

Matty’s “speech” in FL

Okay, so someone asked for an explanation of Matty’s speech before IAWD(S). Here it is.

First, I should note that it’s not Matty’s original words. It’s an excerpt from an essay about sincerity and the aesthetization of politics in our current culture, written by art critic Boris Groys. You can read it here (it appears as one among many that he published in a collection as journal entries).

A few things to note about the essay:

It shares a lot of common themes with S/ATVB in that it talks about the conception of mass media, the effect it has on culture and one own self-image, the way we’ve turned politics into a form of media to consume, etc. so that’s the context in which it’s operating.

It discusses “self-design” (i.e. the curating of a specific version of yourself to present to the public) in a similar way that matty thinks about his stage persona.

The essay is trying to address the issue of arts relationship to politics today. Groys argues that, with the proliferation of mass media and social media platforms, these modes have replaced the artists (re)presentation of politics. The vast production of images of news, war, etc take the place of the artist.

even more to the point, the artist is now depicted and presented to us via media as well. So, the artist becomes the artwork instead of being the one who produces it.

this, Groys suggests, causes a certain kind of anxiety for artists because their job is to make stuff, and now, they’re in a position where the world is making them.

In the age of social media, with everyone sort of turning themselves and each other into “artworks” by curating and presenting specific versions of themselves online/ in public, Groys says that making something into art or aesthetizing it has become a way to cause suspicion. Like, we all have this awareness that social media “isn’t real life” that these images are edited and present a skewed and fabricated version of reality.

so, the way we encounter artwork (including public version of each other) is with suspicion. We get this feeling that if something looks aesthetic on social media, then the aesthetizing of it must be to hide the fact that it’s ugly/ bad/ unimpressive in reality. Instead of making something aesthetic being a glamorizing or celebratory act, it’s a doubt-inducing act.

Because everyone is so aware of the artificial-ness all the time, we have, in turn started to try to design our public image to be about sincerity and authenticity. In order to connect with others who view us publicly and establish trust with them.

Because the aesthetic is suspicious to us, we start to equate sincerity with shitty / bad/ugly stuff. We are suspicious of people who seem genuinely kind and sweet and pretty etc. but when we see someone behaving like a dickhead, we believe they’re being sincere.

Now, to the passage that Matty read onstage,

summarized, the passage says:

The only way to show authenticity and sincerity is to reveal nastiness. So, the nastiest celebrities and politicians are often the most famous and the most recognized for their truthfulness. if this is getting confusing, think about Trump for example: where everyone is all about being kind or woke or politically correct, his dickhead gets in front of a camera and says “grab them by the pussy” or “immigrants are bringing us gangs” or “Hilary is ugly and that’s why Bill cheated on her” or whatever. That’s the nastiest shit ever. But people think “well, say whatever you want about the guy, at least he’s honest and doesn’t lie like politicians do.” Does that make sense?

the problem with this is, though, that when you are being sincere by revealing your own ugliness in public you’re not really breaking the cycle. It’s simply a “symbolic sacrifice” that feeds into the idea that good/ pretty/ aesthetic things are fake and nasty/ bad/ ugly things are true. So you’re just sticking to the system and profiting off of it confirming people’s suspicion.

why did Matty read this passage onstage?

this is the part that is my own opinion and not the essay. Obviously, im not inside of Matty’s mind, so I can only guess and speculate. in my opinion, it’s because (as I’ve talked about in my reviews of SAYVB) so much of the show is about his relationship to social media, how the public perceives him, etc. and within the largest context of the ethos of the band, Matty has always been curious about what it means to be sincere in the age of irony (sincerity is scary). he’s thinking about how the world perceived him as a public figure, artist, and celebrity and what, to the public eye, counts as real sincerity.

The other day he commented on how people called his Malaysia protest “performative.” The idea that he’s a shit person doing it because of a white savior complex, or just to perform wokeness and stuff is easier and makes more sense to people than the fact that he genuinely gives a fuck. Even though he’s been consistently speaking up for LGBTQ+ communities since day 1. But it’s cuz our culture is so cynical, the only honesty we believe is bad intention and we equate the bad with the real thinking that any public good is suspicious and designed to cover up the bad.

This is also just true more generally of how people view matty. We’ve all seen the headlines. It’s not JUST about the Mayalsia thing. People are so quick to see all his good attributes as fake and all his bad ones as “real.” Which, as he has pointed out many times before, is basically a symptom of the current state of leftist politics. We think that calling each other out or “exposing” the shit truth behind the aesthetic is what being real and being virtuous is about and we don’t actually do much else.

all of this is to say that this passage is commentary on the themes that SATVB, and the 1975 have always been thinking about.

[ichirukilover]

I closed the door to Bl/each after the tragedy of 6/86 and briefly opened a window to LA, because well that pair is my weakness and it made me laugh how treacherously I/R it was.

So when weeks ago I saw a beautiful I/R fanart on Tik Tok (The anime came back, so the algorithm decided it was a good idea to torture me), and the response to a comment that said "They should have ended up together "was "READ THE MANGA", I was baffled. I mean, what did that mean? had I read a fake manga all those years and the "real manga" appeared Da Vinci Code-style after 2016? Was it all a Jump conspiracy? Have we been duped all this time?

That piqued my curiosity, so I wandered around several sites, reading publications from the "correct/canon/real manga" point of view; and well, you'll see even worse things the bible says.

Here are my favorites:

"The I/H was evident from the beginning, just read chapter 0": yes, because a one-shot that is a sketch of the general idea of a manga, that goes through many revisions and rewrites is absolutely determinant in the development of the main manga, and seriously, what exactly is the evidence?

"HM arc is the ultimate proof of I/H, he went to rescue her and even came back from the dead for her": well, so did her other friends and even R/enji and R/ukia, maybe they were all in love with her too. And about the resurrection...just...never mind.

"I/H are perfect for each other" Here I could do a whole essay from a psychological point of view that proves that it is an absolute fallacy and was more than clear in the FB arc, in real life they wouldn't work and would be a toxic couple. And God knows at least that boy needs therapy.

"O***ime looks like Ma/saki" * Bombastic side eye. Criminal, offensive side eye *

"O***ime deserves I/chigo”: Oh, so he was some kind of trophy for being a good girl, so it wasn't enough to objectify her, they also do the same with the boy.

"Ru/kia was a shinigami and I/chigo was a human, and she's much older than him, their relationship was impossible." *Everything but the rain entered the chat*.

"I/H fought together against Y/wach": And we all know how well they (he) did, right?

"W/D/k/A/L/Y": *sigh* that's what it looks like when you try to fix a mess and fail miserably.

"W/D/k/A/L/Y's scribble": ...

"Anime invented IR": The studio simply pushed something that was already implicit in the original material and they knew it would sell more, it's basic marketing. Most of us knew what was filler and what wasn't (rolls eyes).

And there definitely wasn't a parallel manga that magically made sense of that ending. What a disappointment.

And I/R are the delusional and lacking in compressive reading? It's so much easier to say you just don't like people ship I/R, instead of sending them to read the manga or giving lazy arguments. Pathetic.

This was long, but I just needed to vent or something, because I honestly found the whole situation absolutely hilarious.

My English is broken, so I hope I have been understood.

PS: So in my delusional mind I/R is right now enjoying his honeymoon on the beach *wink**wink*.

Blessings.

As someone that didn't leave after the ending and has seen all these "amazing points" take form and basically became the classic "IH and pro ending dudebro agenda" list, let me tell you, I was and still am baffled too. No matter how many times I read them, I still get shocked at how some really believe that bunch of BS, or better they keep repeating it untill they'll believe it.

You adressed them in a simple but direct and straight to the point way, I don't even need to add anything to what you said, agree to all of it, wait lol well maybe I could add the the pilot chapter lit has In0ue de0d at the end of it but what do we know, that doesn't seem to matter to them lol it doesn't have to make sense smh

In our delusional mind that ichiruki honeymoon on the beach is so vivid and real... I wonder why lmao

[help-i-need-a-cool-username]

headcanon of mine. for whatever reason, casey could not figure out how donnie was his uncle at first. it just didn't compute.

so then there'd be all these familliar titles, and then Donatello.

Omg what if he thought Donnie was just like the babysitter 🤣 like yes my uncles are turtles. And also my babysitter is a turtle. What do you mean they're related?

I actually headcanon Casey Sr is really big on manners so she lit sat down her infant and tried to get him to say "Leonardo", "Donatello", and "Michelangelo" 🤣

Leo insisted on being "Tio Leo" and purposefully would call himself that when around Casey Jr so in the end Casey Sr couldnt un-teach it

Donnie was so down to be "Donatello" but Junior couldn't say it 😭 his brothers kept calling him "Dee" so eventually Junior picked up on that so he became "Uncle Deedee". Which is hilarious bc thats such a cute innocent name and the guy its attached to is full of murderous rage

Im constantly going back and forth on what he would end up calling Mikey bc Michelangelo is five syllables long he would have so much trouble. They try "Michel" and "Mike" but everyone else on the base calls him "Mikey". They try "Angelo" but thats still three syllables. Im thinking he makes a baby sound like "ahng" and everyone jumps on it like "can you say Angie?! Say Angie!"

Raph was Pa or Papa bc i will die on the hill that Senior wanted Junior to have a father-figure and asked Raph to do it. He died when Junior was young though so he simply became "Dad" as Junior got older like as in "oh yeah, my dad loved that" or "your dad always used to say..."

Senior was "Ma" because they were trying to get him to say "Mama" but he always refused to do the second syllable 😂

And April was like "im Auntie A! Its fun and easy to say" but everyone was always like "go ask Auntie April" so her full name ended up in there

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Actually, it kind of makes what my step mother and father pulled when I moved out extra hilarious.

Okay, so to set the stage, I was being told by more than one doctor that if I didn't leave my parents house, the stress of living there alone would kill me with or without my cooperation by simply shutting down my organs. It was that bad. I could assure them I would never hurt myself till I was blue in the face, but they were like "well sweetie at this point staying there at all is self harm"... I was doing about 1000 sit-ups every night to be able to fall asleep at all by the time it got to the worst of it, and then only sleeping 2 hours max before the lights were turned on in the morning... For reference. I was beyond anemic and exhausted but I still couldn't exhaust myself enough to sleep and I had to sneak out of school to go to the doctors because they didn't want me going.

So I tried to leave the first time when I was 14, this did not go over well. My 'boyfriend' at the time was really happy to try to convince me I should just leave my parents and he'd take care of me, until I actually seemed convince to leave but still not fuck him. So suddenly, he was happier to conspire with my step mother to convince me I couldn't leave.

And we'll get into the whole fucking "my stalker and want-to-be-rapist boyfriend is conspiring with my step mother to control me, and they both think they are using each other" issue later, some time, eventually. It will make you want to light things -or people- on fire, probably. But that's off topic.

What's on topic, now, is that at 14 I tried to simply pack my bag and not return from school, and stay wherever he was staying, but when trying to fuck me continued to not work, suddenly he's telling me that if I even show up at school to keep going to my classes I will be arrested and brought home, whether I have had my "3 days grace" or not, and I am getting the exact same line in overly similar wording from my parents... But whatever, i went back so I could avoid falling behind at school.

But from that point on they knew I wanted to leave. And they knew the moment I turned 16 they legally wouldn't be able to stop me.

My birthday is in November, and no matter how poorly they treated me while I was there, they certainly got even more upset when I tried to go. They tried making sure I had no money, never letting me have a job, and they made me do as many chores as they could without actually teaching me a few key life skills to make it on my own, like -for example- I got in trouble for ever trying to cook, and they wouldn't show me how, unless it was making the same stupid salad to go with dinner every night for 6 years, or frying bacon for my stepmother's lunch that I wasn't allowed to eat... Anyway the point was I figured I would give them one more family x-mas before leaving.

Part of me was curious. The point of contention every year for birthdays and x-mas were that we were supposed to request gifts that would work out to 100$ each. But everything I suggested was vetoed as "messy" or "not a good gift"... So practical things like hair ties, the good white erasers or batteries were off the list, good pencil crayons, drawing supplies and etc, gods forbid paint, was forbidden because I would "make a mess with it"... Saving up the 100 myself in an account from each event wasn't allowed. Basically anything I actually asked for I was told I didn't need/want/get that. So in the end they acted like the problem was that I wasn't telling them I wanted anything and they'd buy me something really gendered, or movies that would vanish into my step mother's Disney movie collection never to be mine again anyway... And I wanted to see what they would do when they knew they had one chance to somehow convince me to stay.

Suddenly, they proved that they had been hearing me all along and just choosing not to listen. I got a green bath robe, something practical comfortable and not pink, I got green frog slippers, some frog plushies, statues [I was into frogs and reptiles and the like] and nothing -suddenly- was pink or a girl's toy, or girl's clothes, and it was suddenly okay to give me practical gifts [which were the kind of thing they did not normally buy us or let us spend our allowance on, so I am not sure how else they expected us to come across those things anyway...]

And you would think... You would think that this would impress someone at 16 who was used to having everything about them either willfully ignored or criticized... But what it did was really demonstrate that they had been plenty capable of paying attention and letting me pick out what I wanted all along and had just been trying to needlessly control how I spent my time and what I could express [truly to a useless degree that... Like what was your goal, even?]. If art supplies were too messy for me why did my stepsister get to have them? She was only two years older, and then I got to be her age and the answer was still no. Suddenly eraser bits weren't just something that would get ground into the carpet, etc... These excuses were always flimsy, but they had fully fallen apart at this point... And now the only reason they were being remotely attentive or kind was because they knew I could up and chose to live with any adult willing to take me in.

Suddenly I didn't need to be grounded constantly for breathing the wrong way or be made to do chores 10 times over during every Saturday morning until I had "done it right" and missed all my shows... Sure, but I knew that would backtrack the moment they felt secure again about me staying, just like how my step mother had backtracked on everything the -mandated- family counselor had suggested the moment it was clear my father wouldn't have anything to say about it and just like she backtracked on who those movies belonged to...

Really nothing they could have done that x-mas wouldn't have been the final nail in the coffin. Nothing short of setting me up with my own savings account, letting me find a job, teaching me to cook and letting me use up resources to teach myself what I wanted to, even if it was "messy"... Nothing short of turning into actual parents trying to enable me to have agency over my own life, and that was never going to happen.

After 6 years of constant criticism, no support with anything, being used to do almost 100% of the housework in a household of 5, ZERO FUCKING PRIVACY AS A TEENAGER, the constant threat that if I didn't bow the verbal violence would become physical [from my step mother], zero ability to go to them with anything, being blamed for anything other people tried to do to me, shamed for how I spoke, how I walked, how tired I looked, shamed for being hungry, for trying to eat more food, for the narratives my step mother made up about me in her head and then punished me for with zero input from me... I was never really going to be able to trust them enough to stay, not without them giving me the kind of genuine freedom that would let me walk away from them at any given moment, which they weren't going to give me.

So I left, of course, shortly after.

Keeping your child dependent on you doesn't necessarily make them stay, it just makes it more dangerous and harder on them when they do leave.

I packed my stuff into a big black garbage bag and went to a friend's house until my aunt could come and pick me up. [Moving in with her was a mistake too, she also conspired with my -then stalker- to try to talk me into letting him back into my life in exchange for what she assumed was accurate information about me that she could use... I really should get into the full extent of the bullshit this guy pulled and the level of bullshit my -parents- tried to HELP him pull... but that's off topic!]

And for months they were trying to tell me how worried they were and how it scared them I was missing and how they just wanted me to come back and how I was free to come "home" at any time... Even though they clearly knew I would leave at some point... so me and any medications I was taking and my toothbrush etc disappearing in the night can't have been scary, a kidnapper wouldn't take me, leave my little sister [same bedroom] and take my fucking toothbrush and school books...

Whatever, they eventually convinced me to come back for a dinner for one night to basically debrief about the whole leaving thing... And yes, I made sure I was serving myself out of the same dishes as everyone else, because at that point I had zero fucking trust about anything with them, I was starting to remember a lot of stuff and figure out a lot of stuff all at once about my step mother's using my stalkery ex as a spy all along and about times I had been filmed without my consent or knowledge, tracked using my cellphone which was why they were forcing me to have one, etc... [story for another time you will have violent thoughts about it] Eugh, even just the willfully isolating me from any friend who was actually supportive or who had healthy parents who would question how they were treating me... I was starting to clue into how all my good friendships kept falling apart. Getting grounded for "attitude" any time I came back from their house happy, not being allowed to call them, having letters to them never make it out, or their replies never make it back, etc and so forth. Most of it was my step mother -for the record- but my dad watched it happen.

But the point, the real point is I showed up and they were late. Maybe they missed the part where I am always the fuck on time.

I got a call telling me they would be a while and apologizing... Or I called them, idk.

And I was like cool, but I still have my key, I could just let myself in and wait on the couch until you all get in, if you are cool with that.

And my dad has to tell me... 'It isn't that I don't trust you'... It's that we already changed all the locks [pretty much the moment you left].

Because making sure I couldn't get back in was more important to them than making sure I had someplace 'safe' to go back to in the event that something went really wrong. And they used the excuse that my 'delinquent' [her words] friends could have my key copied without me even knowing, but they should know my key never leaves my pocket, I don't get drunk or high, and the only reason my friends were considered rebels is because they were all queer. They were gay, fruity af, not like, lighting fires in department stores or breaking and entering...

But me? I could have let myself back into that house 10 different ways if I wanted to, key or no key. I lived there for 6 years. If I had wanted to break in and take their shit I already had that place 'cased' down to a detail and knew all their habits and schedules, why the fuck did they think I would need a key?

But I took their precaution as a polite request not to enter.

And I sat out there, chilly or not, and waited looking at her rose bushes until they got back.

Because all they had to do was ask. And if they knew me at all they would have known that. They would have known that everything John was telling them about me was fake af and that he was setting me up, and they would have known that all they had to do was ASK ME for my key back. if they were uncomfortable. I would have handed it over.

All I ever did was do my chores, try to keep my head down and try to do my fucking school work, but they had such an *idea* about me built up in their heads -mostly my stepmother- that the moment I left, while very publicly crying about how worried they were... They changed all the locks behind me within the week. as if they were accomplishing something other than endangering me and displaying their mistrust, and how poorly they knew me. Either of my sisters would have been happy to rat them out on how fast that was, so I can't recall which one of them actually told me or if it was both, independently.

This is what happens when you make your child so afraid/disheartened about talking to you about anything that you have to get all your information about what they're "really up to" from a guy who's desperately trying to pit you against them so he can control them enough to get sex out of it. Grade 'A' fucking parenting.

And if I was anyone else it probably would have worked on me, on both counts. I'd be locked into their toxic bullshit and not think I had the option to leave just like my little sister, and letting that manipulative-fuck, John, fuck me. Which is I assume what they wanted, I have to, because my step mother was literally conspiring with him ['a little birdy told me so'] and it's what they got out of my sister isn't it? And her fucked up enough about it and on enough drugs that at some point they were able to take her kids so they'd have kids to raise together as their own from babies, as a couple, the way they never got out of us [stepmother is infertile, we were another woman's kids until I was 10]... And so my dad could have the 'son' he actually wanted [instead of just letting me be a boy???].

I am not -to anyone who has ever known me as an adult- the 'kind' of person you would expect to come with a funny little autobiographical detail like "ha ha, when I left home at 16 my parents immediately changed all the locks, ha ha" because it just wasn't fucking warranted then or at any other time... But here we the fuck are.

[redgoldblue]

iffff you would still like to do the kiss roulette thing: 🎲 + s&h

(kiss roulette)

Hilariously, both you and ACL sent me S&H and both of your numbers were the #horny prompts. And while I probably could (and lowkey kinda did) find a way to make ACL’s not horny, this one is easier to twist.

“Starsky, you really shouldn’t be doing this.”

“The doctor said it was fine for me to do light work.”

“The pertinent word being light, Starsky. Not hiking halfway up a stepladder carrying a heavy painting.”

“I’m not carrying the painting anymore,” Starsky points out, obviously doing his best impression of someone who thinks that's a good argument.

“Only because there was no-one in the grocery store and I got home early. I could’ve come home to you collapsed on the floor with your stitches busted.”

“Oh, come on. It was one stab wound.”

“Stab wound, love of my life. Stab. Wound.” Hutch infuses the endearment with as much derision as he can, and judging by the glare Starsky shoots down at him, it comes through.

Hutch sighs and rests the painting against the wall. It's one of his, a sunset landscape of the hills that ring Bay City, that's been in exactly the same place - on the floor in the corner of the bedroom, along with a dozen others - ever since he painted it, and he would have been perfectly content to leave it there. But interior decoration is the latest thing Starsky's been driven to by the horrors of convalescence, and Hutch's walls are suffering the results.

"You know I don't even want that hanging up," he tries anyway, despite knowing it's useless.

"You should have at least one of your paintings up!" Starsky exclaims, and slaps the wall for emphasis. He's still on painkillers, which is another reason Hutch doesn't want him up a goddamn ladder. "They're good."

"The drugs sure are," Hutch mutters.

"The drugs are nothing. Your paintings are something."

Resting his hands on his hips, Hutch looks up at Starsky. "Are you going to come down?"

"Whaddayathink."

Hutch sighs. "Yeah." There are certain things in life one simply has to philosophically accept, and sometimes those things are your drugged and wounded partner on a stepladder. "Just- don't move, okay."

Starsky obediently pauses, with the hand he'd been waving around frozen in mid-air and a distinct sense of waiting for the audience reaction. Hutch gives him what he's looking for and laughs, because he's a sucker.

Starsky relaxes but, to his credit, stays still as Hutch backs off and assesses. Unfortunately, Starsky actually has picked the best spot for the painting - out of direct light but still bright enough to see it, in a wallspan large enough that it won't be dominated by it but not so large that it will look strange by itself. Meaning Hutch can't use that excuse to get him down and then possibly just tackle him onto the couch, which had been an option under consideration.

Sighing, he rests his left hand on Starsky's hip and brushes a kiss next to it, where the flannel he stole from Hutch's closet - and is wearing with one low button hanging on for dear life - has ridden up to expose soft skin.

"Ah-ah," Starsky chides, and twists to look down at Hutch and ruffle a hand through his hair. "You're not gonna distract me that easy."

That honestly hadn't been Hutch's intention - it had been more automatic reflex than anything - but he can't deny it would have been a valiant effort. "Okay, okay. Turn back around."

Hutch leans down to get the painting again, then steels himself to lift it to Starsky.

Who, of course, immediately grabs it and hoists it up like he wasn't bleeding in an alley in the foetal position a week ago. With a faint noise of protest, Hutch moves back as fast as he can and grabs hold of Starsky's hips to steady him, elbows on the top of the ladder to steady himself.

Grinning, Starsky takes one hand off the painting and waves it in the air. "Look, Ma, no hands!"

Hutch groans and buries his face against Starsky's lower back. "You're going to kill me. Or I'm going to kill you."

"Which one?"

"I still haven't decided."

Starsky's hand pats his shoulder comfortingly.

There's a few moments of silence where Hutch keeps Starsky gripped firmly and his eyes closed equally firmly and tries not to picture blood all over his nice clean rugs. Then Starsky says, "Ta-da!", shortly followed by, "Hutchinson, look at me."

"Do I have to?"

"You know, I'm liable to get offended if you don't. I'm very easy on the eyes, so I've been told."

"Don't believe everything you're told," Hutch mutters, for form's sake, but peels himself off Starsky's skin enough to look up. Starsky looks fine, complete with proud smirk and the painting hanging behind him. Having it up isn't going to help Hutch stop seeing the spot in the corner where the paint dried wrong and the stroke over the far right hill that went slightly left of where it should have been, but it's possible Starsky's unwavering enthusiasm might help him focus on the bits that went right as well.

"I still hate you," he tells him, and tugs on the bottom of his shirt.

Instead of coming down, Hutch's intended request, Starsky brushes his hands off enough to awkwardly shuffle around in place - which Hutch watches in long-suffering silence, braced to catch him - and sits down on top of the stepladder. He reaches for Hutch's shoulders. "Hey."

"Hello," Hutch obligingly parrots.

"I promise I'm not going to kill myself in your house under your supervision."

"It's a little late for that."

"I still gotta come down."

Hutch groans. "I will lift you."

"Yeah?" Starsky asks, waggling his eyebrows. "Where you gonna put me, sailor?"

"Somewhere soft and at ground level. Possibly with bars."

"Kinky." Smiling, Starsky twists his grip into Hutch's shirt and pulls him as close as he can get with the ladder still between them. He drops a glancing kiss to Hutch's lips, then says, "Am I allowed to kiss you, or are you too worried about busting my stitches?"

"Mm," Hutch grunts. "I'll allow it."

"Good to know." He moves one arm to wrap around Hutch's shoulders, then leans in again.

In the ensuing moments, Hutch almost manages to forget about the imminent danger to his walls, his rugs, and his partner.