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iheartbookbran · 4 years ago

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Anthony, Penelope, Marina and Colin deserved better...

Beware, rant ahead

Ok I wish I didn’t feel such strong need to continue beating this dead horse but oopsie, I will very much be beating it some more.

Like, my fave books of the Bridgerton series are Anthony’s and Colin’s books, so I’m seething about what they did with their characterizations, Anthony and Penelope in particular, because Colin’s only real sin was being boring, and if you remember how funny he’s in the books it makes me wanna fall on my knees and ask Chris Van Dusen whyyyy omg why would you do something like that to such a dynamic character. So yeah, Colin is boring af and a moron but at least he isn’t an asshole the way show Anthony and Penelope are, and I’ve seen people say that they can always be redeemed in future seasons, if we get them, but that’s exactly my problem, because they never had to be redeemed in the books, to begin with. Penelope more so than Anthony but let me begin by defending my boy.

Is he a jerk sometimes? Sure. Is he actively awful and uncaring towards those close to him, especially his family? Hell no, quite the opposite, in fact. Not to be controversial on main but in the books... he was right in not wanting Daphne to be courted by a man who he knew damn right had no intention of marrying her and as far as he was aware was only making her waste her time, and he was right in demanding Simon pay for compromising her honor. Could he have been more mindful of what Daphne had to say and listened to her wishes? Of course, but considering Simon and Daphne (both in the show and in the books) aren’t exactly masters in communication themselves, Anthony doesn’t come off as the biggest offender in that situation.

What he never did was force Daphne, or any of his sisters really, to do anything; if they didn’t like a guy then that guy was out of their lives no question asked, and he loved them enough to always have their best interests at heart, for his sisters and his brothers, to the point that even though he’s traumatized and thinks he’s gonna die young he’s still willing to get past that to do his duty and marry, because he doesn’t want to pass that burden on to his little brothers (so him deciding to leave all his responsibilities to Benedict so he can fck off with his mistress is... like, a choice lmao). In fact all the subplot with Siena felt like a choice on the writers part, like they truly liked Benedict and Sophie’s story so they just slapped it on Anthony so he could act all sad and sexy while they gave us foreshadowing with the subtlety of a warharmer that he’s ending up with Kate anyways (and that Benedict is ending with Sophie anyways too, so they would be using that storyline twice, unless they do make him bi and fall in love with a man, but maybe that’s too much of ask for this show), so what was Siena’s purpose in the story? Who tf knows not me.

Now Penelope, my god. Yes I know I joke Penny has never done anything wrong in her life, and I still love her, but she was wrong. Very much so. What she did was significantly worse than what Marina did, which I still don’t condone at all. Like yes, I still maintain that Marina tricking Colin into marriage was wrong (and I’ll go later on why that whole subplot was racist af), but what Penelope did could have not only ruined Marina and herself and her sisters reputations, but it was basically condemning an innocent unborn child to a life in the streets, that’s messed up. Even if Marina was rose-coloring her potential life with Colin and he might have grown to resent her, at least the baby would’ve been alright. And my problem with that whole subplot is that all of it was resolved so neatly, with Sir Phillip sweeping in to save the day so we don’t have to actually see what Penelope’s actions could have caused, but the implications are still very much there.

And I’m cracking my mind trying to figure out whether the showrunners just... really hate Colin’s book and Penelope as a character so they’re trying to inflict some kind of character assassination on her so they can get away with writing him off with another person without causing much outrage, or if they just thought there wasn’t enough ~drama~ or stakes on their book so they have to add them, and give him some kind of bullshit tragic romantic past to explain why he doesn’t want to marry, whereas in the books, the reason he doesn’t marry anyone is because he doesn’t feel like it, and that’s ok, there’s no need for every character to have a tragic backstory and to be riddled with angst; Colin is that character, he’s an easy going guy who’s just not interested in marriage until he falls in love with Penny AND THAT’S VALID, just because he doesn’t have the most complex motivations out there doesn’t mean he isn’t a compelling character. The stakes in his story after he discovers Penny is Whistledown are, as he points out, that she has insulted so many people there’s no way some of them wouldn’t want to retaliate if word came out, and he cares for her and doesn’t want her to get hurt (there’s also a dumb part about him being secretly jealous of her accomplishments as Whistledown, but thankfully he gets over that pretty quickly).

But while I am on that, it is true that Penelope wrote some uncharitable things about the mean people around her, but she never ever ruined someone’s reputation, let alone endanger the future of a child. Was she a bitch sometimes? Yeah, but she was also kind to a lot of people and her criticism was never unwarranted and never did more damage than maybe annoy a couple of girls like Cressida. I just hate the idea of this needing to turn into some sort of ~redemption arc~ for Penelope because, again, in the books she really didn’t have to make up for anything, definitely not to Colin, who was actually the one who had to do much of the heavy lifting in their relationship when he realized that he literally slept on her for years.

And now regarding Marina, like yes, she was wrong and I stand by that statement (but not as wrong as Penelope), but tbh I find it hard to be mad at her when they gave her such a racist storyline, as the scheming woc who gets pregnant out of wedlock and then tries to seduce the innocent white man, until the virtuous white girl needs to step up to save him. At least that’s what I thought initially as the writers intention, but honestly I’m not so sure anymore, I doubt they will continue to write her and Colin as a couple otherwise they would’ve bothered to show them interacting outside of her manipulating him and him acting like a bumbling idiot, the most sincere moment they had together was when he comforted her about the lie, but by that time this bitch (me) was empty and didn’t give a shit anymore. Literally all their other interactions where shown through Penelope’s POV to let us know she was sad, and Colin’s most significant scenes where again... with Penelope (because it isn’t as if he has a family and his own moments in the books outside of being an object for Penelope to pine after).

And as I said before, Marina had a—relatively—happy ending: married to a man she doesn’t love (just as she didn’t love Colin) but who will treat her right and care for her and her child in comfort. Is arguably a better ending than if she’d married Colin because now she doesn’t have to go through the trouble of explaining things to her new husband and run the risk of him resenting her forever. Phillip may not love her but he knows who he’s marrying and why he’s marrying her. That’s literally the same fate Marina had in the books, and it makes me wonder why, oh why would the writers do that.

Why create such a contrived plot to give a character who appears in one(1) chapter of an 8 books series then promptly dies, all at the expense of the characterization of one of the most beloved heroines of said books series? Why would you write this racist storyline for a character whose fate is dying? And now I’m horrified at the repercussions that can come with Marina committing su*cide like in canon, because the implications would be that Penelope would be responsible for it (and I hate the idea of blaming one person for the su*cide of another, fictional or otherwise, is harmful and we need to be careful with making such implications), which would make her even less redeemable or like, likable in general. Not to mention that would be like putting the final racist nail in Marina’s coffin by giving her that ending.

It makes me wonder, seriously, if Chris Van Dusen hated Romancing Mister Bridgerton that much, if he loathed the idea of writing a fat character finding love and getting sex that much. I just wanna know why lmfao.

#rant over #if i sound salty is because i am #like there actually were a lot of aspects i did enjoy but i just cannot get past this #though this rant helped me a lot to feel better so there’s that #tellmewhy.gif #anthony bridgerton #penelope featherington #marina thompson #colin bridgerton #polin #tagging them bc i rant quite a lot about how they ruined their relationship #enjoy the salt uwu #bridgerton #bridgerton netflix #bridgerton spoilers #meta #my meta

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hansoulo · 4 years ago

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east of eden

pairing: gustavo gaviria/f!reader

warnings: cursing, canon-typical behavior and discussions, mentions of drugs, allusions to... stuff. cool.

word count: 1.9k

gif credit: (x) by my baby @bobafvtt

a/n: i just wanna be marina. we all wanna be marina.

You look Gustavo up and down in your sunglasses, his face tinted dark pink and hazy. He’s taller than you thought he’d be.

Your brother dismounts from his horse to shake hands. Introductions. Pleasantries. That sort of thing. Gustavo kisses your knuckles when you tell him your name and you only scoff a little bit, pull away slightly for the show of it all.

Yes, he’s very tall. Handsome, too, which should be dangerous (is dangerous given who he is and what he’s here to do) but you’ve always been one for pretty things. Expensive things, like the watch on his wrist that bounces back the light of the Colombian sun. His voice is deep when he laughs, a quiet chuckle in his chest that shakes the gold hanging above the hollow of his throat. He catches you looking. You pretend not to notice.

Fabio turns to discuss something with Pablo and the other men (transports or labs or some man with a plane) but you tune it out for the most part, walking a few dusty steps to meet the warm stare of his horse. You pat at its shoulders, cooing softly when it rears against your touch until it settles again, allowing your hand on the brown velvet of its head. Horses are nice. They don’t fuss over you or where you’re going or who you’re with. They just let you be.

Fabio would never let you ride this one, of course, but that’s neither here nor there. He doesn’t let you do a lot of things. You can hear their voices back in the courtyard but you just stay by the horse, bored while they talk because business is always dull like that. You’re hungry. Tired.

Someone moves behind you and you jump, startled for a brief moment before another low laugh travels in the space between your bodies and goosebumps rise on your neck. “Scared?” the man asks, watching as you turn and twist the sunglasses off your face. It’s Gustavo.

“No,” you say after a moment, leaning against the fence. “It’s not nice to sneak up on your host, you know. Bad manners and all.”

“Well, I’m very sorry,” he responds, his lip quirking up just enough for you to see the faint edge of a dimple on his cheek. The wooden post digs into your hip as you rest against it, looking up at him with sun-squinted eyes.

“Doesn’t seem like it,” you respond, your voice notching in your throat when he comes one, two steps closer. “Not a very good liar, if you ask me.”

Gustavo smirks again, wolfish and much more attractive than it should be, bringing the smell of tobacco and sharp fruit over your nose when he reaches to fiddle with the thin strap of your dress. He rolls the yellow linen back between his thumb and pointer finger and your face flushes.

“Watch it!” Luis warns from across the way with a scowl.

Gustavo lets go, his fingers dragging against the bare skin of your shoulders. Your smile is saccharine before you turn away. “I’ll see you around,” you whisper, your sunglasses still dangling from your hand.

You’re gone with another toss of your head, up through the foyer and through open hallways as your sandals echo against marble floors.

⫸ ——–- ⫷

“Where’s Jorge?” you ask with a frown, watching as the dining table is set by women in pressed gray uniforms. He was supposed to be here, with your brothers and you. With Gacha - god, you hated him - with Pablo and with… Gustavo.

Fabio clicks off his radio with a sigh. “Business trip,” he tells you shortly, maneuvering around the chairs to walk back into the parlor, where the other men were sitting before dinner was ready.

“Oh,” you breathe out to no one in particular. “Okay.”

He doesn’t offer anything else so you just sigh, tracing the carved wooden backings of the chairs with your palm as you circle around the room. Maybe you could sneak something in the meantime.

You push past the double doors and hear the swinging of their hinges, stepping into the kitchen and eyeing the corner pantry. The room’s empty save for a maid and you wave at her, watching as she leaves with a stack of china plates. You’ve always liked the kitchen, with its wide windows and tall shelves and the way it smells like flour. Things are muffled in here. Far-removed. Nothing of concern besides whether or not the oven timer works and how your little pot of thyme rests on the windowsill.

The cupboard creaks as you open it and you rest your weight on the thin wood panel as you rummage behind the potatoes. You’ve used this shelf to hide food since you were a child and it’s no different now, even though you know your family could afford to buy you practically anything these days. Old habits die hard, you suppose, and so your chocolate stash remains undisturbed.

When you close it you’re met with the sight of a shirt, striped white and blue and smelling like laundry soap. It’s Gustavo again, leaning against the edge of the counter beside you with an amused sort of look on his face. Your eyes only widen a little bit before you raise your eyebrows.

“Want some?” you offer, snapping off a corner and holding it out. “I hide the good kind in here,” you say as you motion to the pantry. Gustavo laughs, more sincere this time. His eyes do this sort of crinkling thing when he smiles. You like it. A lot.

“I came here for a drink, actually,”

You shake your head. “Mm, no you didn’t,” you lilt, biting off a piece of chocolate when he doesn’t take it. Gustavo cocks his head. Like he’s daring you to do something. You don’t know what. “I saw that they have a bar cart in the parlor,” you say after you swallow, watching him as he watches you.

“Alright then,” he concedes. “I came to see you.”

The foil package crinkles when you set it down, your hand coming up to toy with the buttons of his shirt. You drag your fingernail across them until they catch on the smooth grooves, tracing the way the kitchen lights reflect back in alabaster. He just lets you do it. Humors you. “And what would everyone say,” you hummed, “If they knew you were alone with me?”

A finger, calloused but skimming soft, hooks under your dress strap again, lifting it and letting it fall along the slope of your shoulder. The air’s heavy; a little choking in the space between. Not suffocating, exactly, but thick in your throat like the fog of summer rain. His eyes are dark. Like chocolate. “They don’t have to know.”

You purse your lips to taste the sugar still stuck to the roof of your mouth before you hear your name called from somewhere, dampened by stucco walls. “We should go,” you whisper, not making any move to do so. Gustavo’s hand is still on your shoulder and his thumb presses into the divot of sloping bone, rubbing a slow half-circle. He’s looking at you still, eyeing his slow liquid gaze at the way your chest rises with your breathing. He’s bold, you’ll give him that.

You suck in an inhale and it comes out sharp, stilted and soft in your larynx before you speak again. “C’mon,” you say, letting your arms fall at your sides. “Don’t want to keep them waiting.”

He nods and you step away, worrying the bottom flesh of your lip between your teeth to hide your smile.

⫸ ——–- ⫷

You stay in the hallway for a few minutes after, resting your head on the plaster wall as Gustavo leaves. You know on an intellectual level that toying with whatever that was could probably land you in deep shit, but you’re bored and he’s nice to you, not because he’s paid to be but because he wants to. Maybe nice isn’t exactly the right word, but he’s sweet in a heady, rich sort of way. He said he liked your earrings. Said he’d buy you more. If you let him. If you wanted him to.

When you finally go into the dining room, there’s only one empty seat.

“Sit down,” Fabio motions to the chair, guiding you forward with a light hand on your shoulder.

“Oh but-” you begin, meeting the back of a dark head, a tan cap and wide shoulders. He doesn’t turn around but you know he’s listening, even as he leans over to the man to his right and starts talking.

“Sit down,” your brother repeats, impatient. The chair scrapes against the floor when Gustavo pulls it out for you. Sharp teeth. Large hands.

So you sit, feeling suddenly very small when you’re next to him like this, close almost to touching but far enough to seem unfamiliar. His palm brushes your thigh when his arm drops and you shoot him a look. Be careful, your face warns. You’ll get caught.

Maybe he takes that as a challenge. Maybe he just doesn’t care.

Gustavo’s eyes glint as he raises a glass of wine to his mouth, tinting them a light red stain. His tongue darts out and he drags it across his lips, nonplussed as you cough into your napkin. Tease.

You eat in silence; offer half-hearted responses to the men’s half-hearted questions. They move on from you quickly and turn in on themselves, little groups of twos and threes around the table. You hear smatterings of conversation and feel like a lampshade, there to decorate ugly things and stay still.

“Having fun?” a now familiar voice asks as the empty glasses increase, prompting louder voices and the clapping of drunken hands on drunken backs.

You push the food around your plate with a lazy fork. “Hardly,” you respond, the words dry and muffled into your cheek as your face rests in your palm. “You?”

“Not at all,” he responds, looking over at his supposed business partners. Pablo’s beginning a drinking song and you roll your eyes, dramatic as you motion a pretend noose around your throat. Gustavo chuckles and you smile back, your expression turning puzzled when he clears his throat. “Excuse me, gentlemen,” he says to the men now swaying back and forth, their arms around each other’s shoulders as they join in liquor-addled singing. He pats the pocket of his shirt and spares you a split-second glance before he stands. “I need a cigarette.”

A cigarette. Gross things, really, that lingered on people’s clothes and made your father’s lungs weak. A cigarette.

His palm slips down your neck when he’s behind you, his fingers curling hot around your hair before he lets go and walks away. A cigarette. A pointed look. A cigarette.

Oh.

⫸ ——–- ⫷

He’s on you before the bathroom door closes.

“My brothers are gonna kill me,” you groan, tipping your head back against the doorframe as Gustavo’s hands slide across your waist. “How much time do we have?”

“Maybe fifteen minutes,” he replies, kissing a wet bruise into the skin of your jaw. “Before they start getting suspicious.”

“Fifteen minutes,” you repeat, gasping on the ending syllable when his lips seal across your pulse point.

Gustavo nods, his hair brushing against your cheek as he hooks his arms underneath your legs. “Fifteen minutes.”

#gustavo gaviria x reader #gustavo gaviria/reader #gustavo gaviria fanfiction #gustavo gaviria oneshot #gustavo gaviria imagine #narcos fanfiction #narcos imagine #narcos oneshot

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bianca100302-blog · 5 years ago

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Love Advice

I wrote my first fic! Idk how to submit this to the transcendence au blog so i’ll just @ them lol @transcendence-au AAAAH this is so exciting lol

ao3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/24138823

“Okay” Marina whispered to herself as she drew the final line on the circle. This was it, the moment she had been waiting for. She would finally know the truth.

“I summon thee, Hearteater.” As Marina spoke these words, black smoke rose from the poorly drawn summoning circle, consuming the candy hearts carefully laid within it. The room filled with an endless void of black, and Marina felt her lungs go cold as all warmth left the room, replaced by ice cold fear.

“Wͪ̏̋ͯ͋Ȟ͉̪ͩ̏̔͋̐͆O͎̣ͭ͋ͥ ̧̱͑̓ͦ̇̒̒ͥD͚̟͛̅͡A̢̰̩͚̍̓̈̎̔R͉͉ͮ̀̾̋̅Ẽ̲̅̅S̘̜̬͙̗̐̍̎̓͒ͧ ͘S̥̼̗̣̩̓ͪU̖̞̱͉̟͚͐M̞̮͚̯͚̣̰͋ͫM̹̗̞̝̣̝̑͗̈̄͐̈͞O̪̦̙͚͆̐̿ͫ̂ͅN͚̱͓̿͌͜ͅ ̥̃͑A̾͆͌̀̽̅L͉̖̯̗̫̙̻ͪC̣͖ͮ͟O̬ͥͥ̆͠R̻̹̙͕̝̰͢ͅ ̵̪͋̉̚T̖̘̫͕̤̱͡H͇̿̋̾͑͐͞ͅE̦̦͇̗͞ ͎̲̝̬̫̰̩̃͆̏D̡͑ͭ̐͛ͫͦR͈̱͕͖̮̔ͤͥ́͗͌̚Ḛ͕͖̻̃͆ͯ͛̚Ä͎̻̖̫̠̒M̙̼̝̭͈̱͟B̮̙͇͓͎̰̈́͗͑̋̄̀E̜ͤ̊͢Ň͚͔͍͌̃̓͑͊D̵̲̻̆̀̾ͩ͛̄̍E̥̙̣͉͔̓ͨ͒̈͘Ŗ̤̇͛ͪ̿ͬͮ͒!̨̠͖̜̒̾͐ͥ��̠̱ͅ”

Marina let out a terrified squeak despite her best efforts. “But you’re not Hearteater.”

The horrific figure - it had called itself Alcor - looked down at her and let loose a smile far too wide for its face. “No I am not. Maybe try drawing a proper circle and not sacrificing candy next time.” Marina held her breath in hopes of stopping herself from hyperventilating. It didn’t work. Marina shook herself, she couldn’t freak out here. Not in front of a powerful demon and not without having her question answered. “Are you good with love advice?”

The Alcor looked a bit surprised before once again giving her a terrifying inhuman smile. “Depends on what you're asking and what you can give me in return.”

Marina sucked in a breath. She could do this; she just had to ask. “Okay, so there’s this girl in my class that I’m good friends with … well, maybe not good friends, she probably doesn’t see me as a good friend, I don’t know what we are ... oh god this is crazy I’m crazy this is only a friendship nothing more and oh gosh I’m rambling.” Marina took a second to compose her thoughts before continuing. “It’s just that I think I like her but I probably don’t and I’m just overthinking things. I mean I’ve never had a crush before and this can’t be a crush. I mean I barely know her. We've only been friends for a semester! Anyways I’ve taken a bunch of quizzes online and they all say I have a crush but that can’t be right so I summoned you to ask if I do like her.” Marina's face was redder than a tomato both from the embarrassment and from not stopping to breathe between sentences.

“Le͚͚̠̋̃̚t̨͉͐ͨ͑ mͤ͗e͉͚͕̒͑ ̾g͂e̥̻͎̥̼ͣt͛ ͛̆thͭi͎̞̰̚͘s͑͐ͨ̉ ̐͆st̵̰̹͐ͮr̯̼͛̀́́̌àͥi̅̐͒̊g̙̪̾ͬ̑h̺͓̠t̓̈́:̇ͤ̋͆ y̾ŏ̡̙͈u̅ ̐͐su͉͂͌͋̕m̊͏̻̠͇m̐̌̚o͌ͫn̻̯̬̤̯͗̃̆̅̓̆̇̕ê̅ͥ̓d͈̟̤́ à̌̓ ̇͆b̯͔͈̍͆ͤ͂̀ͩͧlö̡̳ͩ͌̑̇̏̚ͅo̠̯͉̯̽ͦ̐̌̕d͙̻̝ͤ̑̇ͤ̈ť̮̔ͨh̸̭̬̭͗̇ͣͮi͉̥͘r̼ŝ̽ͩͦt̝͕̤y ̪̋͑͆d͊̌ͤ̃̒̑ȇ̄̀͑͝m͈̲ͯ̅͒ͮͮͧ̐͟o̝̘̭ͭ̔́͠n̤͖̒̇ͤ͋̊̽̚͠ ̀̾ͤj̞̞̅ͪu̿ͪͮͤ̽s̶̖̘̏̐ͫ̋̏̓̚t̷̤̩̆ ̟̥̝͞to͕̻ͦ̐ ̖̗̬̇ͭf͒͛̃ͨ́͋̚i̥͎̐̽n̤̗̍͂̃̓͊d̘̣̪͜ o̴̝̻̐u̪̞̅t ̶̫͇͐̏ͦ̃̇if ̧͕̮͓̥̌̏ͯ̌̈́ŷ̥͂ͨ̅̄́̈o̞͈̗ͭ͂̅̌ͭͦǔ͇̓̃ͤ ̛̹̳̯̲̞̟̆͋h̉a͙̻ͤ̒ͩ͆͂̀d͔̳ͭͪ͑̄̋ ̶͋̽̐̇̇̏a̡̋ͮ͗͐ ̼̱̝͓̺̈́̔̏c̢̓ͯ͗͋͛͋r̯̩̮̰̭̀u̴̗̰̠̬̻͈ͭ͌ͨ͊̄̅s̡͉̗̦͕̦͖̟̋̿͐ͤ͂͂̎ḫ ̐ͫ��̴̣̎o̫̝͚̫ṙ҉ no̯ͧ̓̀ͥͯt͍̮͌̓̇ͭ.” Alcor said while bearing the same look on his face as Marina’s Dad did when he discovered she had been sneaking onto his computer every night to delete any emails he got from the school about her grades in seventh grade. Marina straightened her back as some of the red left her face and took a breath. She knew what she did was stupid to summon a demon for love advice but damn it she was had embarrassed herself enough already and was too stubborn to lose her pride to this Alcor guy.

“Yes, I did the reasonable thing anyone would do in this situation. I intended to summon Hearteater who is known for being merciful and giving great love advice in return for candy or heart shaped pillows but instead I summoned you. Can you tell if I like her or not? In return for telling me, I will give you these sweethearts and a teddy bear.” Marina held up three large bags of sweethearts and a teddy bear with a heart pillow sewn between its arms holding them as if they were worth a great deal. The demon raised an eyebrow at her sudden courageousness.

“L̃oͮ̈̇okͬ ̙̙͊k̎id, I ̣̯̰̞don’t ̃̓ĕ̱̣ͤve̼͖͎̋ṋ̓̄̆ nͮee̞̠̯͚dͧ to̲̺̿̔͑ͣͅ ͈̰̮m̬̭ͮ́̚ă͖̖̖͕̋ͨke ͒͋a ͕̩͈̘̎̑̉ͦ͗̆d͑͂eͨǎ͐l ̃w̦ith͈̙̲̜̪͍̒ͤ ̦̫̦̝̌̔̓̌̈́͗yoú̩̏̓̍̌̇ͩ ̎́to̟̘̐ te̒̿llͧ͒ ỹ̰̯̙̥̺o̰̟̟̠̞̦̹̐̓̂u ̰̖̥li͖ͨ̋ke ͑ͦhẹ̦͎͍̹ͤ̐ͅr.́̂̉ ͨ̉No̝̳͑̓ͅ ͒sͬȁn̉͛e ̽͂pe͆͐̐rs̉o͊n̿͊ wͩȍ̂̀u̦͎̲͓̺̦ĺ̤͛͆d̂ ̩͖̞̔ͨ̇̐͆gͣ̓o̩̙̙ ͇̺̦́ͪt̥̜̻́͗ͦo̼̘̙̓͆ͥ͗̈ͨ̾ a li̩̜̹̍̉̔͗̎teͪra̍ͥ̈l̲̟ ̻͎͉͊d́́̃e̐mͤö̠̜́ͥͥ͌͑n̬ ͎̫ͮtͥoͫ̀̐ ̣̬̬̲̮ͥ͑̔sͬ͑ee ̠̄̀̿ͪ̆if t̹̜̣hè͕͆̎y ha̞͑ͣ̇d͌̂ a ̾ͥcru̫ͣ̽sͫhͧ̑ unlͨe̋̈́̓̚s̟͕̬ͨs͓̱̘̤̈̓ͧ̔ thͩey w͛e̩̣̞̝̔̈̌ͣ͑̍ͣṛ͙͓͂͛e f̄ͭă͌l̟͛̂̐ling̫̺̭͕͔ͫ fo͕̥̫̦̼̹ͨ̽r͓͐͂̉̚ tḧaͣ̚t ̾ͪpẽ̻̇ͭr͕̱̃ͮ͗son hả͚̪̊r̟̘ͫ̀d̻͖͔.͉̘̯”

Marina got red again and seemed to shrink into herself in shame before turning that embarrassment into anger toward Alcor. “What do you know about love huh! You’re not Hearteater! And you can’t know that for sure maybe this is just friendship. She’s-she … Sally wouldn’t like me back anyway, what's the point.” At this, Alcor’s face softened. “Al̦r̲i͈͉̐ͧ̓ͤ̅̓g̭̰̞̼͂̐ĥ̘̰ͬt͈̅̽ͥ͊ͯͅ,̫̼̺̟̮ͅ ̖̲̫͚̼̬̾ͣ̚I̒’̯̬̇̎̒ͦ̔̑l̃̎́ͫ͆ḻ̋̈́̊ͦ ta��̘̬̠kͣ̂ͫͫ̔͌ͩe̖͉̞̩̫̩͒̇̈́̏̇ ̈́̈́th̖̙͂ͮͮeͩ ̟caͧ̇̇n̟͈̰̤̋͊͂̇͂̀̾d͍̺͇ỹ in̊ ͂̆̏r̳̣ͅe͐̇tu͆ͬ̊r̓̚n̍̃͊̐ fòͫ̓rͬ ̇̈͛r̪͔e̱̯a͎̹͈̗d͓̘͍i͓͗̔n͔̯̈́g͖̊ ͗͛y̓ͦoǔ̻̙̪̑r ̹̙̩̂ä́̄̄u̗̥͙͊̍r͛͗͗a͂̏ ͊̔̀a̔̈n̑͑d̖̥̝̻̞̞̑ͯ ̮̜̟́̅̇̇tͫe̿̀l̐l͓ỉ̠͓̻͑n͇̤͖gͬ ̝̻̣̍ý́̚o̼̭̦̻̼̓ͨu if̓ y̓o̮̙̣uͬ ̺̮̀lͬi̺̣̰̼̼̟ͤ̈ͅk̀e͗͐ ͫS̘̹a͒̓ĺͣlẏ̟̏͂̃̚ͅ,̹ ̱̞o̥ͬḳ̦͍̤͙͌a̓̈̆̚yͦ?”

Marina sucked in her tears and eyed Alcor’s outstretched hand suspiciously. “Are you being for real? How can I know you won’t double cross me? You're a demon; you’re not Hearteater?”

To Marina's surprise, Alcor began to laugh as if she had just said something hilarious. “M̟̎̒an, ‘you̍̓’rͦe̐ not ̃H͐ͮe̱̭̫͔ͦͥạ͉̪̭̍̒r̈́t͊̔e̽̚atë̙͍͖̊̈r’ - ȯ̍h̻͙͕̯̟ ̱̗͐͛͌͛ͅy̟͆ḛ̂̉̇̐a̾h, ̄̏͂c̰͇̦͉͐au̦̫͖̱̍̇ṣ͖̪̖́e͖̗̘ͥ̀͗ ͗͂th́ė̚ ͓͈̭̈͋ͅn̆ͩ̇am̐̌́ėͭ ̾͂̓H̐ē̽̒a͗͆r̠̦̣̪̖̐t̝̰̞͓͌́ẹͮ̓ate͛̈́r͔ͣ̚ͅ ͍͙̬̙̲̠í̆̈s̃͛͌n͋’t͐͂ ͖̚s̰͑̀u̇s̓ͣp͛ï͈̠͕̣͎̝ͭ̊̑̉ͅc͙̬̙̦̃̓ͧi̟̲̤̹ͨ̚̚ȏ̬̱̥̤̃ȕ͇ͦ̍͂s͌ͬ ͎̘̯̰̝̄̋ͩ̾ͅat̞͉̜̝̯̜͖ͬ̎ ̎å͙͖̉ͤ̐l̞̩̝͔͓͚̣ͦl̥̼̤̲̩̻̑̒.̮͈̖̦̑̂ͮͅ ͇̼͉͗̌Y̻o͊͒̈́̚u͚̣̫ͨ̓ ̣̜̙̥̲̘̈́̆͌ͥͣ̿̈r̟̮̯̞͍͔͊e̥̩̻̱͐̏̓͐̏ȧ̹̑ͨ̄͑̚l͚̻̲ͪͤ̃l̺͓̲̻̠̘̆͂̃͆͑ͅẙ͙̮̄̄͒͑͛ ̪̣͓͂̉͐͛͐s̺̄̍h͋ô̯̣͕͊̃ͅu͂̾l̳̠͙̖d̰ ̗͇̤do̮͙̯̜ͮ ̽̈̏̚mo͆̄r͕̩͎͕ͯ͑̂e r̘̠̯̫̟é͉̰̲̾̀̐s̯̰̟earcͤh͚̫ ̳͈͊̾on d͖̞̓̂eͦ̍m̌̈oͤ̚ns b͑ͤef̆o̫̞̎r̻̙͆̓̎e̩͎̍ͭ̾̓̈́̆̑ ̥͇̈̍̈̊̆yͫo̗̥̰̭̽́u s͚͓̹̘̩u̥m̙̰̑ͧ͂ͬ̐ͥ̍mͯ̔o͆͑n̿ͫ ͔̙͉͈͒̀̈ͥ̓̾̌tͫh͉͎͎̮e͉̐m͎͍͕͙͉.̍̉”

He stepped out of the circle. How could that happen! Marina researched that demons couldn’t leave their circle and oh my god she was going to die here. She was going to die pathetically alone in her room, eaten by a demon just because she wanted to know if she liked Sally. This was the end, and still all she could think about was the future and Sally. How she could have just talked to Sally about her feelings instead of going to a demon for help and maybe they’d be happily dating by now but instead she was going to have her soul ripped out and eaten right in front of her and there was nothing she could do about it.

Marina was helpless and alone. The demon put his face a mere inch away from hers with his razor sharp teeth and smile wide enough to swallow her head whole. His golden eyes stared into hers, taking in her fear as tears started to streak down her face.

“H̝̥͉̄ͭe̬͈̹ͦ͌́ảȑ̭tͭeͤ͌at̑ě̙̟̫̟̜͌͛rͩ is͐̅ ̣̣̎͑͟juͧs̍ͫ̇tͧ̅ ̑a̓n̏̏̿ ̏̏ac̫̼̱̭t.” He said. “T̋̇h̆̃̊eͣ̈ ͆n͐ạ̽̄m͖̙̯̰̠̭̥ͮ̆e̵͖̻͇̠ͮ̋͑ͅ ҉̖͚͙͎hͪȇ͒ ̺̞̥̪͖c̮̭̿́̔h̖͎̣̩̞̪̍o̞̰̤͓̫͗̚͟ö́̂s͖̎͒̏͑ȩ̤̉s͓̹͕͠ ̨̮̠̯͚̝̠͚̏̅̇ṫo bͣ͗̆e̯̳̻͌̄̽ ̐͆̅c̋a̽͒l̏̎ľ̚ȅ͋d͍̯̰̻ͮ̉ ̬̉̃ͨi͚̝̟̻̝̝̊ͤ͊̌͐s͓̹̼͙ͩ͂̏ ͥ̂̑̓̚a̡͔̚c̤̯̣̙̩̠͙̓̏ͮ͐t̸̥͓͌u̱̙̰̗̐ͩ̃ͣ̊͗̏͘aͮ̅̆͌͆̌l̝̟̞̣͕̦̿ͤl͈̺̞͙ͯͪͯ̌̐y̼̹͚͇͈̰̎̄̒̓̍̑ͨ ͪͦ̏͞Ğ̨̻͚̭̦̚a̰͖͓̼̘̜̬͂̍ͩ̅̒̋r͌̑҉̙̘̳͓s̨̞̘͉͆̅h̲̰̗̥̐̈͘ͅb̝̮̯̭̘̹l͉̲̼͟a͕̥̦̜͕̲̋̐̄̈͌r̝̫͈̻̾ͫ̎ͪ̽̈́͛͡ͅǩ̩͙̞͇̠̆̎̉͊͊͘ͅ t̓h̓e ̘͔D͋e͒͒̇c͔͓̜̉̀͑͑͗̀͞e̒͛ivě̌̍r̨͔̻͂.”

Marina felt the world spin around her. Garshblark! The one demon she’d been hearing about deceiving kids on the news and that they had lectured her about in those demon safety seminars at school. She’d always assumed she would never fall for something so obvious like one of Garshblark’s tricks, but oh boy was she wrong. If she had only paid attention instead of being such a goddamn idiot, she would have never gotten into this mess.

Alcor smiled down at her, seeing the horrified realization hit her face.“Ye͛s, tḧ̿a̍ͨ̍ͨ̒̈t̄ Garͬ̎͌̇̀͗shb̎̔̾͒̚lͩar̎͗͌͊̓̅̂k̑̌̌͋̄̏. If̓ yo̞ǘ ͒did ̹̤̦̆̃more̅ r͂̇́͗esèͮ̑aͧr̒ch be̾f̑o̅ͨre yỏ̇ur̤ p̎̂o̐͌͐oͣr͋́ly ̏͌̎don̽ͯe ̣͑summ̉̑onͧs, yõ̾uͨ wou͑ͫl̔d håͩ͗v͐ͭe ̾͑̒reͤͦaͨl̆͊iz̫͈ͣ̌̿é̉dͤ t̉haͯt Ḧ́ear̄t̘ͤͅeater is a̓ very ̈́d̑an͆gͫȅro͉̐us ͣdem͓̅õ͆n that ha̽s be̊e͊n luṟ͎ing his vic̜̚tims͗ into a fä̯́͐lse sense ͐͒of s̋eͫcùrͮi̱̻tͮͮẙ, prỏmisi͔̓ͤ̓̉̓̉ṅ̊g̯ t͂o ͂g̽ive love ̮̻͕͍̥͇̲a̺̅ͭdvi̓c̮͆͒͑ͯͬ̌͊��e i͆n͂ ̔ẽx̅cha̞ͅn̪̙̹̤ge for ̋̾̄c̺̉an̈́dy, ṫell̰͕̆í̬̇͒ͬͩ̔ͮn̓g͐̋͒ͥ̔ t͔h͎̺͈̣͆̊ͯ̒̐̒̓e̬̜͑͗͑̊m̻̈̏ to summon him̼̜͈̜̺̻̾ ̤͉̂ͥ̐aͯg͕ͫ̂aiͩn wh̅enev̚e͔̓ͬͅṙ ͬt͖̫h͔̠ͣ̊͛eyͣͬ ̂̎n͖̹̏ͥe̮̱̠͐̄̓e̖͚̎̆͊d̄ ͐hîm͙. When they do he ͑app̍ea͒̔̒r̠̋ͭs in hisͤ tr̾ue̋ ͊fǒrm͑, á̪͂nd de͉̖v̲ͮ͆oͪurs ͓t̐heir sͧou̓ls. Yôuͨ would ̮͉̩̜̯havȅ be̍en h͇ͦ̚i̤̺ͅs v̰i͂c̫̅̉tīͭm̂ t̓oo̐ if you hảd̚n't̀ boͫťch̗̘͐̆͒͛̏̅ẽ̱͊d̅ tͥheͭ̋ c̊ir̤͙ͥ͑̓̀cle͌ and s̓um̺̺̮͎ͅmo͗ṅ̹̾̌̇͋̽eͨd̓ m͕ͭ̈e i̚ns̊̌t͈ẽͧad, ă̮̲͉̘̩nͥd tͬr̦͒u͈̦̠s̏ͭt͂ meͩ, w͔͔̪͉͍̻ͅi̅tḣͪ ̙͙̚y̙͙͕̬our̅̈̈ t̻̆̃̔͒ĕrri̺̖͖ͅble̋ c͂i̼͚̲͇̱̒r̳͇̪̟̬̓cle, h̺͔̀e͆ ̖̭͉͓̎́ͭ̀̃̈̓w̃̽ouldn’t ̼̦̘̺̻hav͂̈́eͣ ̖evenͬ ̉n̔e̞̝͖͕édëd to bő͍̖͙t́hë̯͓͕̾͗r tricͬki̓n̚g yo̍u; ḣ͔͕̜̬ͅȇ'd ḣ͉̪̥ͮǎve̒ ju̿st̤͖̯̤̳͚͔́ eȃ̼ͯͅte̅n ̽́y̋o̎ur̀ so̙̱̠̣͇ul t̟̬̖he ͇͚m̑o̿m̰͍̲̻̰͗e̾nͫt̾ he wa̪̻ͯ̒ͨs ̯͈̠̔s̬ͪụ͉̪̽ͫmm̗̙̠͔̰̪̺ͩo̽̇n̎e̋ḋ̇ whil̙ë́ ̣̥͕̝̤baͬsͭk͖͚̙͒̒ͤͨ̇in̊g ͇̱̱ͩ̄ͫi̫̬͉̰͍̬nͩ ̮̦ͩyou̇̍r teȑri̭̪͍̫͇ͧ̂f̏ied s̠̫̫͕̼̪ͥc̞̳̜̳͒r̉e̮͖̩ͭa̋ms.”

Marina felt like she was going to pass out. Instead, she did the next best thing and threw up.

“D̆ͪ̈͐o̪͖̞͓̰͇͝n̍̈̓͂͐̚'t͐ͧ̅̔̔ͭͯ s̳̭̪͓̑u̧͓͖͎͇ͨͅm̳̱̜͉̺͔̏ͧm͚̫͇o̻̱̟ͥ̉n̺͙̥̳ͬ̎ͮ̅̉̏̏ ͦ̇aͤͮ̍ͪ̇̚nẙ̷̝͓̟̭̗̉t͔͇̉̿͊h͖̳̫̗̎͠i̡ͬ͊́͌̑n̢͚̓͑g̦͈̩ ̷̹̠͎͌ͬ̋ͬͣȧ͓̼̳͆g͇̼̞͚a̼ͯ͛͌́͂ͮͨi̹̮͎̹̋̉n͓̰̥̼͠.̰̼̘̘̑ N͎̎̃ͫͧ̋̒e͈͈̟̬̎̅͝x͙̘͗̎ͥͩ̍͛ͨ̕t̙̝ ̪̲̫ͧ̽ͩ̚͘t̩̬̗͙ͮ̅̄̊̎̾i̿ͦ̐̄̕m̗̤̳̞͖̦̌̎̊̎̋ê̬̥̰̼̫ͭͥ̚͞ ͍̩̭̤̱͈̓ͅy̝͌͊ͣo̽͜u̟͇̰̜͢ ̅̽ͬ̔ͥw̿̂̏̚o̹͚ͣ̈́͑ň̰̩’̘̇̄͗̃̉ͫ͡ṫ b̡̙̎̑ȅ͌̓͗̈́̿ ̈ͪt͉͓̃̇̔̾ͮh͚̝̠̥̦̜̬ͬͩ̓͞i̠̭͈̫̗̙͕ŝ̪͓ͫͥ̎͑̀ ̨̹̒ͭͨ̅l̛͓̘̞̯ͦͬ̅u̍ͣc̮̤͍͍͇̻ͨ̊ͬ͠k̳̬̒̉ͪ͐y̝ͤ."

And with another horrible smile and a tip of his top hat, Alcor had vanished as if he had never been there to begin with. After he left, Marina did pass out.

-------------------------------

Dipper blipped into Milo's bedroom with a groan. Milo, who was lounging on his bed watching season 300 of Dance Moms, jumped at his sudden appearance. “Why do you always just appear in my room without warning! It’s creepy - at least knock.”

Dipper glanced around at Milo’s very blue room. He’d noticed that most Mizars tend to fixate on one thing a lot; for Mabel, it was rainbows and glitter, and for Milo, it was the color blue.

“Sorry. I just wanted to see an actually sane person.”

The air in the room grew stiff, and Milo’s face fell. “Oh no, does another cult need bashing?”

Dipper noticed the change in Milo’s demeanor, and quickly corrected his mistake. “Nah, just dumb teens. Seriously, who would fall for something as obvious as Hearteater?”

Milo let out a sigh of relief. “I dunno, Dippitydopper. Some people are just real dumbos.”

“Yeah. Dumbos.”

#transcendence au #gravity falls #alcor the dreambender #alcor

37 notes · View notes

meanie-boy-minyard · 5 years ago

Note

TEEN IDLE by MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS (id say please but that's illegal in this Christian Minecraft server)

Tis illegal, you are correct lol, enjoy!

___________

Teen Idle by Marina and the Diamonds

Characters: Andrew Minyard, Aaron Minyard, Nicky Hemmick, Coach Wymack, the Foxes, Renee Walker, Betty Dobson, Kevin Day, Neil Josten

Trigger Warning(s): Mentions of abuse, depression, reference to possible self-harm, brief mentions of rape, mentions withdrawal

“I wanna be a bottle blonde,”

Bottle blonde: Having light blond hair, appearing/is artificially lightened

“I don't know why but I feel conned, I wanna be an idle teen, I wish I hadn't been so clean”

He feels like life scammed him- and having that insight to Andrew, we can imagine why. Adding onto that, he was never a normal teenager. When he started getting abused from his different foster homes, he must have felt that he wished he hadn’t been so naive to fall into their traps or if he did fall into them, be able to get himself out of them. But, the abuse happened, and he couldn’t stop it. And after that, Andrew falls into depression.

“ I wanna stay inside all day, I want the world to go away”

His depression causes him to not want to interact with the world, or anyone around it, most likely in subconscious fear that they will hurt him too.

“I want blood, guts, and chocolate cake, I wanna be a real fake”

Andrew loves his knives and his sweets. And ironic yet iconic match. The section I feel we should really look at and notice is the last part about being a real fake. Andrew, even though he does not like being lied to, lie everyday in a way. His blank face hides his emotions most of the time. Neil has said so before, that Andrew has gotten angry or had a darkness go over his eyes that only he notices. Keep in mind, Neil is very observant because he has to be.

“Yeah, I wish I'd been, I wish I'd been, a teen, teen idle, Wish I'd been a prom queen, fighting for the title, Instead of being sixteen and burning up a bible, Feeling super, super, super suicidal”

In the books, we have obviously seen that Andrew did not have the most healthy methods. In fact, he even admitted in the books to be “self-destructive not stupid.” (That was Andrew, right? Was that even in the actual books? I’ve read way too much fan fiction to remember.)As for the bible part, we all know Andrew doesn't follow a religion.

“The wasted years, the wasted youth, The pretty lies, the ugly truth, And the day has come where I have died”

Most of Andrew’s younger life was spent just surviving. Barley at that. When was told beautiful fairytales of this wonderful world but he got the crushing reality that not everyone gets a happily ever after. He might’ve in a way, already considered himself dead.

“Only to find, I've come alive”

Enter Aaron Minyard. Enter Nicky Hemmick. Enter Wymack. Enter the Foxes. Enter Renee Walker. Enter Betty Dobson. Enter Kevin Day. Enter Neil Josten.

All these things, even if he would never admit it out loud, gave him a reason to stay alive and keep going, be it through a promise or just by being there, and helping when they didn’t have to. Even if he hurt them, fought against them, even if they had to be pulled back by another. Andrew was given a reason to stay alive, and the opportunity to thrive.

“I wanna be a virgin pure, A twenty-first-century whore, I want back my virginity, So I can feel infinity”

Even though he was given a reason to keep going, there were still memories. Things were taken away from him without choice, without consent. Even if he doesn't actively think it 24/7, at least sometimes he had to of/does long to have been able to make that choice- like one should- by himself. He wants to be able to make that choice, make that sexual aspect of his life a personal choice rather than a boundary- a plain full of landmines with the map drawn on his arms over, and over again.

“I wanna drink until I ache, I wanna make a big mistake, I want blood, guts, and angel cake”

He goes to Edens he drinks and cracker dust, but before that he goes to Sweeties which legit has the word “sweet” in the title. He has this anger stored inside him that he wants to release but he can’t just go and fight any random person so Renee is his fighting partner. The spar when either side needs to release that energy, it also gives a space for Andrew to just be able to talk in a different way he can with Bee. Renee doesn't have to be there and listen and respect, but she does.

“I'm gonna puke it anyway”

Withdrawls. Andrew went off his meds every game, when he went to Eden’s when he simply did not want to be doped up.

“The pretty lies, the ugly truth”

“And the day has come where I have died, Only to find, I've come alive, Come alive, I've come alive”

Again, as said before, he felt lost- he was lost. Then he found his family, his friends, his partner, his therapist, his reason to stay alive and keep going and keep fighting. That's not to say there weren't any bumps in the road, everyone has their bad days, sure. But he kept going nonetheless.

“I wish I wasn't such a narcissist, I wish I didn't really kiss, The mirror when I'm on my own”

Andrew thinks about himself a lot. Not in a snobby way, but in the manner that he knows his boundaries and if you don’t respect them you may end up with a knife in your gut.

“Oh God, I'm gonna die alone, Adolescence didn't make sense, A little loss of innocence, The ugliness of being a fool, Ain't youth meant to be beautiful?”

Andrew, before Neil came in and he got to know him, never thought he would find a partner. One that would respect his boundaries, that would look at Andrew and see ‘human’ and not ‘monster’. Someone that would not flinch

Again, just a reminder that no matter how much progress Andrew has, sometimes the bad days win over the good ones. He was lied to, hurt, and abandoned.

“And the day has come where I have died, Only to find, I've come alive, Only to find, I've come alive, Only to find, I've come alive”

“All our lives”

He thought everything was hopeless, but then relief came. There were ups and downs, but for the first time in his life, Andrew Minyard was ready to finally, finally thrive in his existence.

“(Feeling super, super, super)

(Feeling super, super, super)

All our lives”

#aftg #aftg songs #andrew minyard #bee aftg #bee and andrew minyard #bee & andrew minyard #aaron minyard #neil josten #the foxhole court #the foxes #renee walker #coach wymack #andreil

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mooosicaldreamz · 5 years ago

Note

please do a song by song review of lover i beg u

oh......u didn’t have to beg!!!! i’ll give it to you 4 FREE.

I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED: what i enjoy about this song is that it is fun and not especially mean, just like, shrug emoji. i think sometimes when ur in a relationship that is not especially amazing and you reach the point where you forget that you dated someone is the funniest thing and its such a strange moment. it’s a good tonesetter for the album, bc its so fun and chill and like, whatever. it has the same energy that i think we are never getting back together wanted to have. i LOVE the “i just forget what they were” breakdown. what a fun, bouncy song. easy listening to start the album. calvin harris rip.

CRUEL SUMMER: i love jack antanoff vERY much and have liked his work with fun. and as bleachers, and i think his production on lorde and taylor’s albums has been so wonderful. this song just reeks of him and it’s so like, ascendent, how it builds up and up into the chorus. i think it’s interesting that she reaches so high on the chorus. “summer’s a knife/i’m always waiting for you to cut to the bone/devils roll the dice/angels roll their eyes.” the breakdown is once again wonderful abt crying in the back of the cab on the way back from the bar - i feel like this album and its concept brings a much more natural version of taylor that i think has largely (and perhaps rightfully, considering the evolution of her fame and craft) been in hiding since probably red but maybe even since speak now. “I LOVE YOU AIN’T THAT THE WORST THING YOU EVER HEARD // HE LOOKS SO PRETTY LIKE A DEVIL” while she’s screaming it is more exuberant than ANYTHING on 1989 or rep (and i love both of those albums).

LOVER: i love how sleepy soft this song is, i love how simple it is, and it’s made me cry like, six times. the wedding band sound is just, so fun and beautiful. it really makes me feel like i’m drunk, happy, and dancing really slow on an emptying dancefloor. i’m going to assume that was the vibe. it’s so soft. god it feels like a cloud. i enjoy how simple the lyrics are in this song, and how the words get to breathe and simmer. they take on a lot of meaning bc of how much space they’re given by the echo and by pacing. it’s so nice. i’ve gone back and forth on whether i like the wedding vows thing, but i think it might be nice. i love “swear to be overdramatic AND TRUE! to my lover”

THE MAN: the bumpy sound of the bass beat is really fun, and i think the song is a good bop, but it doesn’t say anything i don’t already know - but i think taylor bringing up the back end on the Woke train, trying to reach all those people who still aren’t totally sure about the gays or feminism but also think trump is terrible and are now reconsidering their life choices is a fine enough goal for her social justice initiatives. also i just realized she says “getting bitches and models” which she already does, you don’t have to pretend taylor

THE ARCHER: this song is sonic perfection the rolling synths the dreamy voice, the awful awful breakdown at the end of “they see right thru me / can you see right thru me / i see right thru me” “help me hold onto you” i just ... can’t handle this song. it’s perfect. i like the implication throughout this album that taylor is in Love, the big real kind, and i support her and joe bc i think it’s obvious their relationship has totally like, taken her to a new and good emotional space. anyway i like the implication that taylor fell in real, big Love and realized that love is still a fucking mess, like it doesn’t solve all the problems. “ALL OF MY HEROES DIE ALL ALONE” i mean come on. i hate her

I THINK HE KNOWS: this song is a bop “i think he knows his hands around a cold glass make me wanna know that body like it’s mine” is a stn move. the rumbly noise in the chorus and the synthy breakdown is a beast, it owns itself. there’s a real comfortable self-confidence that i, once again, maintain has been missing from taylor’s music up until now. also that moaning noise distracts me every time. “hand on my thigh/we can follow the sparks/i’ll drive” tAYLOR! inappropriate. i’ve seen some takes on this song that it’s not a fave, but it’s a fun song and people are wrong. there’s not one song on this album that i’m like this is bad in the way that i DO NOT like some songs on rep

MISS AMERICANA AND THE HEARTBREAK PRINCE: the first thing i thought when i heard this song is that it sounds like lana del rey. give it a re-listen, it does. sounds just like idk, “high by the beach” but it also rings a bell for me of electra heart era marina and the diamonds (like “teen idle”). i like this song a lot, even though it’s relatively oblique in my opinion on what it’s.....actually about. “you play stupid games / you win stupid prizes” is a great lyric in masterful taylor swift fashion bc it looks stupid when u write it on paper. i like the shouting breakdown thing that happens on the back end of the song with go/fight/win (OH I JUST GOT that, it’s like cheerleaders shouting). i’m a fan of it, but it’s an oddball on the tracklist.

PAPER RINGS: this song rings with a lot of red’s chaotic energies but with the adult sensibilities that she’s rolling with on this album. i love the sort of down-home shouty stuff happening on the verses, and the “kiss me once / kiss me twice / three times” bridge. it’s a good one. “i hate accidents/except when we went from friends to this” is a fun and good lyric. i LOVE the key change i LOVE the “wrap your arms around me baby boy” for some reason very much.

CORNELIA STREET: i mean obviously this song is wonderful. i’ve seen much Discourse about this song being related to Kaylor which seems plausible. it’s clear that taylor wrote some of these songs in the present tense when they’re in the past, which i think is really interesting. i LOVE “jacket ‘round my shoulder is yours” what a good inversion of the phrase. i love the way that the phrase cornelia street breaks up the lines in a really weird way, because of how its syllables run. it’s a good song. it’s a soft boi

DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS: early frontrunner for my fave song!!!!! love the opening repeating noise, and the simple guitar plucks initially. taylor’s voice takes up front and center bc it isn’t especially altered/layered/echoed like it is in some other spots on the album. it has an amazing rolling pace on its verses that’s followed by the slower pace on the chorus. “i ask the traffic lights if it’ll be okay and they say i don’t know” i am certain that this song is about karlie kloss and i will not accept any other possibilities i know she said it was about a movie but i don’t care. “my hips my heart my body my love / tryna find a part of me you didn’t touch” wow taylor god what a gifted lyricist i hate her

LONDON BOY: this song is fun. “i saw the dimples first / then i heard the accent” i love the rising effect on “walking on the afternoon” resetting with the horns. it’s just a song that makes you bob your head. she does sound like she’s throwing out as many english references as she possibly can which is amusing and i don’t know what the legs are on this song bc of that - it could come across as somewhat kitschy. but! also i’d like to start some discourse bc i think it’s CLEAR that taylor isn’t afraid of using pronouns or even very direct references to who she’s with (this song is basically an I LOVE JOE ALWYN shirt), and it makes it even more clear when she’s avoiding using pronouns or direct description. the two songs before this don’t do that in the same way that this song does. 1989 barely uses pronouns at all. i’m just saying. taylor is bi is what i’m saying.

SOON YOU’LL GET BETTER: obviously this song is sad and it makes me cry i have no further commentary except that it’s a wonderful, simple song that has an excessively odd placement on this album following after london boy

FALSE GOD: this song is sexy! and interesting. the horns come back again, which is good and her voice is lower. honestly the line “the altar is my hips” is just..........a lot for me to compute. “i’m golden when you touch me / hell is when i fight with you” the bridges are really fun, sexy, soft. this song is like when lover ends and a song with a little more of a sultry feel comes on but ur still drunk so its a little sloppy.

YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN: obviously this song ruined my life. it sent me to the heights of elation and then i sort of had a hangover on it but i’m back around on it guys! it’s a fun, fun, summery song. that chorus with the oh-oh is just .... pop perfection. the bumpy synth noise that goes ba-duh-duh-duh like it’s reverberating is absolutely perfect for the pacing of the song. it’s excessively well-crafted to the point of slickness. it should have been the lead single but what do i know about anything

AFTERGLOW: i know that i wasn’t supposed to be into i pinned your hands behind your back but i was so. this is a continuation of the theme of like, i’m in love but i’m still a mess!!! sorry :) i like this song but it does not inspire me.

ME!: i don’t know why the exclamation point is there and it sounds much more like a brendon urie song than a taylor song, but it’s fun! i don’t hate it! i can see why it was picked as a lead single - to really illustrate the tonal change from rep to here, but still. spelling is fun, tho.

IT’S NICE TO HAVE A FRIEND: this song is simple and so, so so sweet. i love the childhood friends to lovers narrative, and i just. like it. so much. it’s so sweet. and then obviously the horns come back for this one, but don’t overwhelm. this song is a good palette cleanser after the bombast of me!

DAYLIGHT: i tweeted about this but this song reminds me of clean and long live (particularly long live, it for some reason really sounds like that in my head). but i like that it really relates a feeling that i feel sometimes of like, my life was a mess and sometimes still is a mess but bc i’m in a stable and good relationship, things feel approachable, like, if everything goes wrong again, i’ll at least know for sure i have this, and i think this song sort of shows that off with the “I don’t want to think about anything else.” it’s nice. it’s calm. i read an oral history today about the kanye storming the stage moment at the vma’s because it’s been 10 years since it happened - and i feel like this album and this song, in many ways, are a plateau on the meteoric catapult of taylor’s relationship with fame that really had started to run before that moment but certainly started rolling after that. i think this song is a demonstration of the growth that she’s gone through over the last ten years that we’ve all watched with such close attention. it makes me feel happy for her. i hope she gets to keep this the way it is. i’ve read that she thought for the longest time that this album would be called daylight and i’m honestly? not sure it shouldn’t be. but the vocal note at the end sort of draws it back thru.

it’s a good album. i think the back half of it doesn’t hang as tough all the way thru as the first half, but overall, i think it’s overall quality is better than reputation even though i think reputation, as a concept album, works very well. it’s a great evolution and a real, authentic thing. very impressive that she’s managed to produce four very different albums successively where as many artists don’t change that much from album to album. but i think that’s evidence of the work that’s gone into them, to be honest. death by a thousand cuts is my early fave.

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pixiegrl · 2 years ago

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dear diary

#I think Marina was right when she said oh god I’m going to die alone

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paintedsuggestions · 6 years ago

Text

MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS SENTENCE STARTERS (Edited to fit the fromat.) TW: Swearing, Drinking, Death.

THE FAMILY JEWELS

“Was I meant to feel happy?”

“My life was just about to change.”

“Oh, everybody said [Name] is a dreamer.”

“People like to tell you who your gonna be.”

“I do not give a damn if you don’t believe.”

“My problem is my problem.”

“They say I’m a control freak.”

“‘Cause sleep is not my friend.”

“Drinking shampain to forget yesterday.”

“Slipping away to find a place to die.”

“I wonder when the night will reach it’s end.”

“You’ve been acting awful tough lately.”

“Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately?”

“It’s okay to say you got a weak spot.”

“You don’t always have to be on top.”

“Better to be hated than loved for what your not.”

“You’re vulnerable.”

“You are not a robot.”

“Guess what?”

“I am not a robot.”

“You don’t pick up the phone.”

“Don’t be so pathetic.”

“Can you teach me how to feel real?”

“Girls are not meant to fight dirty.”

“Never look a day past thirty.”

“Not gonna bend over and curtsy for you.”

“Won’t you quit your crying?”

“I can’t sleep.”

“Feeling like a loser.”

“Don’t get on my bad side, I can work a gun.”

“Hop into the backseat, baby.”

“I’ll show you some fun.”

“Just because you know my name, doesn’t mean you know my game.”

“I’m good at protecting what they wanna take.”

“I feel numb most of the time.”

“I’ve been silent all my life.”

“Oh, I’m a guilty one.”

“I know what I have done.”

“I won’t be forgiven.”

“I was just a kid.”

ELECTRA HEART

“Got a figure like a pinup.”/ “Figure like a doll.”

“Don’t care if you think I’m dumb.”

“I don’t care at all.”

“I’m the girl you’d die for.”

“I’ll chew you up, and spit you out.”

“Cause that’s what young love is all about.”

“I’m gonna be your bubblegum bitch.”

“All I ever wanted was the world.”

“I can’t help that I need it all.”

“Got you wrapped around my finger, babe.”

“You can count on me to misbehave.”

“I know I’ve got a big ego.”

“I really don’t know why it’s such a big deal though.”

“Get what I want cause I ask for it.”

“Not because I’m really all that deserving of it.”

“In the limelight, I want to stay.”

“You're never gonna love me, so what's the use?”

“What's the point in playing a game you're gonna lose?”

“What's the point in saying it's never gonna end?”

“You're too proud to say that you made a mistake.”

“You made a mistake.”

“You're a coward till the end.”

“Why don’t we just pretend?”

“Only if we’re drinking.”

“That’s just how we are with love.”

“Yeah, you may be good looking but you're not a piece of art.”

“I’m gonna make you fall.”

“Love will always be a game.”

“Think your funny, think you're smart.”

“Think your gonna break my heart?”

“A human vulnerability doesn’t mean that I am weak.”

“I wanna be a bottle blonde.”

“I don’t know why but I feel conned.”

“I wanna be an idle teen.”

“I wanna stay inside all day.”

“I want the world to go away.”

“I want back my virginity.”

“I wish I wasn't such a narcissist.”

“I wish I didn't really kiss the mirror when I’m on my own.”

“Oh god, I’m gonna die alone.”

“Ain’t youth meant to be beautiful?”

FROOT

“I know that I can’t have it all.”

“Without you, I’m afraid I’ll fall.”

“I know I’m playing with your heart.”

“I could treat you better.”

“I’m not that smart.”

“It isn’t fair, and it isn’t right.”

“You still mean everything to me.”

“But I wanna be free.”

“I’ll ruin you.”

“It’s difficult to say goodbye.”

“Even easier to live a lovers lie.”

“Babe, I’m gonna ruin you if you let me stay.”

“I have spent my life in debt.”

“I’ve spent my days in deep regret.”

“I can’t forgive and I can’t forget.”

“Got nothing to lose and nothing to prove.”

“I’m bowing out.”

“Your just another in the long line of men she’s screwed.”

“Just another in a long line of men she knew.”

“They all say she’s got low self-esteem.”

“I know you’ve been feeling sad.”

“I’ve got no right to be mad.”

“You can do better than that.”

“Could have filled a garden with all the flowers that you gave me.”

“None of them were ours.”

“You know the problem with history?”

“It keeps coming back like weed.”

“At least you taught me how to love.”

“Just open your eyes to see.”

“I just don’t know what I can do.”

#rp sentence starters #rp sentence meme #sentence meme #sentence prompt #sentence starters #long post /

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zigsexual · 6 years ago

Text

somebody else (drake/liam)

note: all the previous driam vignettes are linked on my masterlist here if you want to catch up. this part was originally supposed to have beaumont bash but then it got away from me so apologies as there is less maxwell than initially promised. also its really just depressing as all fuck ha ha i wanna die

summary: it’s getting harder and harder to ignore the deadlines approaching. one year older and one week closer to goodbye.

pairings: driam, friends-with-benefits dralivia, blink-and-you-miss-it maxwell/mc

word count: 5800+

• • •

Olivia falls back on the pillow with an abrupt exhale. Her hair, still mostly tied up in that signature updo, spills tendrils out down her shoulders and across the white of the sheets, breaking up the starkness of the bed.

It’s barely been a few seconds of catching their breath before she speaks. “You broke the rules.”

He looks over at her, her eyes still trained towards the ceiling. “What?”

She doesn’t look back at him, instead sitting up and tucking a few wayward strands of hair behind her ears. “You said his name.”

“Oh.” Drake rolls onto his side, staring at the back of her head as she gets up, slipping on her robe from the bedside table. The dark green silk sets off her eyes when she turns back over her shoulder to meet his gaze, knotting the tie around her waist. “Hey… sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” She shifts her attention, sights set on the mirror across the room, fiddling with a bobby pin that’s been shoved out of place as she approaches it. “Just don’t do it again. You know the drill.”

Drake sighs, sitting up too. “Look, if you know the drill and I know the drill, does it really matter?”

“Yes,” Olivia snaps, “Because whenever you say it, I remember where I am. And that’s exactly what I’m trying to forget.”

He hasn’t told anyone about the two of them, not even Liam — for obvious reasons. He’s not used to keeping secrets, especially secrets with Olivia, but their unspoken agreement to keep things under wraps seems to be for the best. It’s embarrassing, anyway, for both of them.

Honestly, he can’t even remember the first time it happened. They were probably both drunk; they usually are. But it had developed since then, into somewhat of a mutual understanding. She’s the only person who has at least some semblance of an idea what he’s going through.

Olivia has fully tuned him out now, focusing on fixing what’s been laid adrift of her hair. He watches her: eyebrows furrowed in concentration, a pin between her teeth. She’s beautiful, commanding, one of the more notable ladies at court; sometimes when their eyes meet in shrouded understanding across a room, he wishes he could love her.

But it’s never her name that comes to mind when they’re alone, never her face when he closes his eyes. He knows it’s no different for her, either.

He slips out of the bed, starts getting dressed as she finishes her touch ups in the mirror. Uncapping a lipstick, her eyes follow him in the glass. “Have you ever considered actually dressing like you live in the palace? Just a thought.”

“You ever considered getting the stick removed from your ass?”

“That’s not even clever,” She scoffs. “You’re losing your edge.”

He pulls his shirt on over his head, sighing loudly. “You really know how to kill the mood.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she rolls her eyes, “You want someone else to put up with this? Be my guest, go fuck Kiara next time, see what she says when you start calling her Liam.”

He glares at her. “I get it. I’m sorry.”

“What did I say about sorry?” Olivia turns, suddenly so neatly put-together he’s not quite sure that he didn’t imagine the way his hands had tugged on her hair only minutes ago. “God, the real problem is that you talk too much. Please tell me you didn’t talk so much with Liam. You are not hot enough to be saying that shit to a prince.”

“You know, you talk a lot of shit for someone who literally just —”

“Ugh,” Olivia holds up a hand, face twisted in disgust. “Don’t say it. I do not want to be reminded of how low I’ve sunk. Let’s just get on with it, okay?”

They aren’t the most inconspicuous when they emerge from her yacht — Olivia in sunglasses half the size of her head, Drake with his hands shoved in his pockets — but the celebration is such that no one pays them any notice. They’re good at this by now, snagging an opportune moment when they need one.

It’s Liam’s fault, anyway; it always is. Drake had been anticipating a dull afternoon of helping Maxwell salvage the remains of his family dignity. He knew Liam would be here, sure, but traditionally the royal family was tucked away, kept at arm’s length from the raucous crowds of the regatta. He hadn’t expected to run into Liam on the docks, dressed down like he used to when they were teenagers, the sleeves of his sweater rolled up as he shook hands with well-wishers in the crowd.

Drake had stopped short, staring at him, hands full of materials he was dropping off for Maxwell. Liam had lifted his hand in a wave, the corner of his mouth tipped up in a smile, and Drake realized that they were barely a few yards away from the sands of the marina where Liam had kissed him for the first time all those summers ago.

He’d found Olivia almost immediately after the race had finished, remembering the way Liam looked with his shirt soaked through, mouth hot on his neck against the chill of the night air, letting the memory carry him into her bed as his mind took him straight to Liam’s.

He walks to the beach party on his own, trying to steel himself to see Liam again. Thankfully, this time, he’s nowhere in sight among the suitors and sponsors — Maxwell and Riley among them — detained for a moment in his royal duties.

“You came!” Riley calls out, waving Drake over once she sees him approaching. She’s wearing some elaborately beaded cover-up that dips down her chest, exposing the white bikini underneath and just barely grazing the tops of her thighs. He sets his jaw, trying his best to curb his displeasure towards her.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t get so excited about it,” He frowns when she holds out her arms for a hug, blowing her off in favor of grabbing a Coke from the nearby catering table and popping the tab.

Riley throws her arms around Maxwell instead, pulling him against her side without missing a beat. Drake had taken the liberty of snagging a miniature bottle of Jack from Olivia’s fridge before leaving her yacht, and he pulls it out of his pocket while the two of them are distracted, emptying the contents into the soda.

The first sip is such sweet relief he nearly sighs.

“I’m trying to get everyone to go swimming with me,” Riley chatters on, “I’ve never been to a beach where you can swim in the water, and Hana says it’s actually warm here.”

“It is,” Drake replies, mind wandering back to the way the water from Liam’s eyelashes dripped down his face when they kissed.

“Well, Maxwell won’t go with me,” Riley pouts, “He’s being a little bitch.”

“God, Riley,” Maxwell turns away from her dramatically, barely concealing his grin, “I told you I can’t mess up my tanlines.”

“That’s exactly what a little bitch would say,” Riley cackles, grabbing him around his waist, the two of them breaking into wild laughter.

Drake throws back the rest of his drink, Riley and Maxwell now virtually ignoring his presence as they continue their strange back-and-forth. He lets it slide, grateful for the reprieve.

He heads back towards the catering setup to throw away his now empty can, lingering for a moment to survey the rest of the area in search of the bar. He doesn’t notice Liam come up behind him, resting a hand delicately against the small of his back.

He jumps at the touch, almost turning right into Liam’s arms. “Hey,” Liam says, pulling his hand back. “Sorry — I should’ve said something.”

“No, it’s —” Drake feels his heart stutter, Liam so close to him again. In this place, of all places. “I’m sorry, I should’ve been paying attention.”

“Congrats on the win,” Liam smiles. “Riley told me you helped her and Maxwell out on the boat.”

Drake runs a hand through his hair, fingers almost shaking. “Yeah, I… yeah.”

Their eyes meet, Drake feeling sapped of all his strength as soon as they do.

“You look…” he tries to find words, his mouth fumbling under Liam’s gaze. “You look good. Really good.”

“Thank you,” Liam says politely, shifting almost imperceptibly closer. Drake isn’t sure if he even knows he’s doing it. “My father said it’s best for me to dress down at events like this, makes me seem more approachable.”

“I don’t know about ‘approachable,’” Drake replies, reaching out to brush his fingers ever so slightly along the seam of Liam’s sweater, pulling back when he reaches his waist. “You look hot.”

“It’s not too warm out today,” Liam says, “There’s a wind coming out over the —“

“No, Liam — god,” Drake cracks a smile, lowering his voice. “You look hot. Like, ‘everyone here wants you’ hot.”

“Oh,” Liam rubs the back of his neck, his cheeks reddening. “Right.”

Drake laughs. “It’s a compliment, I promise. Casual… it suits you. Everything suits you.”

“Listen, I actually… I came over here because I need to talk to you,” Liam says, breaking his posture to hazard a gentle touch on Drake’s arm. “About what my father said, during his speech.”

“His speech?” His skin prickles under Liam’s hand. “When?”

“Before the regatta.” Liam bites his lip. “Did you not hear it?”

Drake shakes his head. “I must’ve been setting up with Maxwell. Why? What did he say?”

“Drake,” Liam’s grip tightens, a hollow desperation in his voice. “He’s stepping down. After the social season.”

Drake stares.

“But — but that’s —” Oh god. “That’s in a few weeks.”

“I know.”

“He didn’t… did he even warn you?”

“No.” Liam takes a deep breath, blinking too quickly. “He didn’t say anything — he still hasn’t. I don’t know what brought this on, he’s never even —” Another breath, this one bringing tears to his eyes. “I don’t know what to do, I can’t… I thought I’d have more time.”

His voice breaks, and Drake glances around their surroundings, checking to make sure no one is too close by. Liam has his lips pursed tightly, his hand wrapped around Drake’s arm like a vice, and Drake can tell he’s on the verge of breaking down.

“Okay, it’s gonna be okay,” he says, gently removing Liam’s hand, turning to wrap his arm around Liam’s shoulders. “Let’s get out of here and we can talk, alright? Just — I’m right here.”

Liam nods, letting Drake lead him slowly away from the party and onto the beach, where the crowds are fewer and far between. They make their way towards the brush on the opposite end, leading into the old hiking trails they used to climb when they were kids. By some gracious stroke of luck, they manage to avoid attracting the attention of the group of suitors who have wandered into the water (Riley curiously not among them) and slip in between the palm trees a moment later.

When they’re out of sight, Drake drops his arm, but Liam reaches for his hand almost immediately, interlocking their fingers together. Drake glances over at him, but he’s still staring down at the ground, following the path they’d always take towards the waterfall.

“Do you know why he might be doing this?” Drake ventures, quickening his pace to keep up. “I mean, is it too late to take it back?”

“I don’t know, I don’t know,” Liam mutters, squeezing Drake’s hand. “I feel like none of this is real.”

“We’ll figure it out, Liam,” Drake says. “This is what you’ve been training for, for years now. You’re brilliant, the people love you, you’re going to be incredible.”

“I know.”

“Look, I don’t give a shit about any of this stuff, the royalty, the ceremony — all of it. But even I can see how much this country adores you, all the work you’ve done for them. Everyone here, everyone around you, we’ll be right by you the entire way. You can absolutely do this.”

“I know,” Liam repeats, voice breaking, “But I don’t want to.”

Drake stops, pulling Liam to a halt by their joined hands. When Liam looks back at him, the tears are already falling down his face.

He bites his lip, squeezing his eyes shut against them. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” Drake says quietly, “It’s just me.”

Liam lets out a shaky breath, wiping at his eyes with his free hand. “I don’t want to do it, Drake. I don’t want any of this. I never did, never. And I… I guess I thought that maybe things would fix themselves, fall into place somehow, if I gave it enough time. Maybe Leo would come back, or my father would keep ruling for the next decade, at least. But now it’s… it is real, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I just needed more time, and… and he took it.”

“Oh, Liam,” Drake whispers.

“And I — I know it’s such a stupid thing to complain about, right?” Liam looks at him, lower lip quivering as the tears keep coming. “I mean it’s a lifetime of fortune, power, public adoration… how can I stand here and say I’m upset with it when so many people have nothing? I hate that I can’t just be grateful for what I’m given. But… but I really thought I was going to have a chance to be me, for at least a moment. For once in my whole life, to just be Liam and nothing else. That’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted.”

Drake closes the distance between them, pulling Liam tightly to his chest as the tears cut his voice short, Liam pressing his face into Drake’s shoulder as he breathes in deep.

“You have a few weeks,” Drake murmurs. “It’s… it’s not over yet. You’re not the King yet.”

“But then what?” Liam manages, “Once we have the coronation… that’s it.”

“You have a few weeks,” Drake repeats, his voice smaller this time.

Liam holds him close, the tears coming slower now. Drake strokes his hair, the other hand wrapped around his back. He’s so incredibly tempted to just brush his lips against Liam’s temple, press a kiss along the side of his cheek, but he knows it won’t make anything better. At least not in the long term.

“We’ll figure it out,” he says, “I’m not leaving you, alright? I’ll do whatever you need, even if it’s just… being here.”

“You know,” Liam says softly, turning his head just a bit so as not to muffle his voice in Drake’s shirt. “You’re the only person in my life who’s ever cared about me for just me, nothing else.”

“Liam, I —” Drake pauses, catching himself. “I more than care about you.”

Liam lifts his head, looking into Drake’s eyes just a few inches away, still wrapped up in his arms. Drake holds his breath, letting the hand in Liam’s hair drop down to gently brush the tears from his face. Liam leans into his touch, and for a moment, he thinks maybe —

“Thank you,” Liam breathes, eyes still drinking him in, rooting him to the spot. “For letting me be just Liam.”

“Well, it’s my job,” Drake says, fingers lingering along Liam’s cheek. “I’d never forgive myself if you got a big head. We’d have to overthrow you.”

Liam smiles, and Drake wants to kiss him so badly it’s almost painful. His heart hurts, each beat a reminder of the time passing, taking Liam away from him with every second.

“I more than care about you, too,” Liam finally says, stepping back from him, but pulling Drake’s hand into his once more.

They walk back to the beach like that, so close their shoulders almost brush together, only stepping apart when they emerge from the cover of the trees. Even still, Liam holds tight to his hand just a second longer before letting him go.

---

It’s a punch to the gut that the next stop is Applewood, the place they’d built the most dreams on. Memories cloud every room, hopes still lingering in the air like dust. Drake wishes he’d just gotten a hotel.

Maxwell and Riley are the first to arrive, early in the morning, Maxwell buzzing with energy as usual even while carrying Riley’s bags inside the sprawling estate. It’s not Drake’s ideal company, but he figures that he’d just be one step closer to a full mental breakdown if he spent the day following Liam around.

“Drake!” Maxwell singsongs, once they meet up in the sitting room of the sleeping quarters. The morning sun is still so bright through the windows, Drake squinting against the light as Maxwell pulls him into a hug. “Are you excited?”

“For what?” Drake says, leaning back against the table he’d been using as a chair, wishing he had brought down something to drink while he waited for them. “Nasty apples and a fucking parade?”

Maxwell smiles at him. “You’re always so comfortingly stagnant.”

Drake sighs, crossing his arms. “Where’s your girl?”

“She’s not my girl,” Maxwell says, “And she’s getting ready. Bertrand is giving her the fifth degree about her outfit again.”

“Rough.”

“Yeah, especially since he doesn’t know the first thing about fashion.”

Maxwell keeps chattering away, filling the void with his usual nonsense, and for once Drake is grateful. At least the constant mindless talking drowns out the memories of Liam that keep washing over him like the tide, relentless in their onslaught.

Riley emerges not long after, looking half-asleep but still done up. It’s clear that she’s trying to look more casual, more subdued, but there are still so many bobby pins in her hair she could set off a metal detector.

“Does this place have a real kitchen?” she asks, “I need coffee immediately. Bertrand just took all the energy I had left and smashed it under his foot like a bug.”

“Colorful analogy,” Maxwell takes her arm. “He didn’t follow you here, did he?”

Drake nods towards the door. “There’s a kitchen down the hall. A real one, not for the staff. Should have coffee.”

“I didn’t know you were the tour guide today,” Riley says in response.

“Drake used to come here all the time with Liam,” Maxwell answers, already leading Riley out into the hall. “As you know, we all go way back.”

Drake sighs, standing up to follow them. At least if they’re heading to the kitchen, he can get something to make this bearable. Something a little stronger than coffee.

They meet up with the others on the way out to the orchard, the rest of the girls overdone as usual, Kiara in particular making a silent fuss over navigating the dirt path in her heels. To Drake’s surprise, Riley falls back next to him in the group, nudging him in the shoulder to announce her presence.

“Hey, Debbie Downer.”

“Wow, you’re a charmer.” He takes a sip from the to-go cup that he had decidedly not used for its intended purpose, already wishing he’d planned ahead for a refill. “Make a lot of friends like that?”

“Are we friends now?”

“No.”

Her white dress makes her look innocent, almost bridal, a stark reminder of the reason she’s here, of the deadline approaching in just a few short weeks. He takes another drink, willing the minutes to go by faster.

“Do you guys always go to this thing? The apple festival?”

“Not if I can help it.”

She rolls her eyes. “Wow, I’m gonna need more coffee if I plan on dealing with you all day.”

“Who says you’re —”

She grabs the cup from his hands before he’s even aware of what she’s doing, tipping it back and taking a drink with her eyes locked on his, clearly enjoying his annoyance. He watches her, wide-eyed, waiting for the expression to change, but she doesn’t miss a beat even as she drops the cup back down as quickly as she’s grabbed it, swallowing the sip and holding it out toward him.

He takes it from her carefully, not missing the pointed look she gives him as their fingers brush.

“Don’t,” he says under his breath, “I already know, okay?”

She gently touches her lips. “That is… not coffee.”

“Exactly why I wasn’t offering.”

“Drake —”

“Save it, Brooks.”

“I just —” she purses her lips, looking at him in a way he hates even more than her. “Are you alright?”

“Fucking peachy.”

“You sure?” She taps the lid of his cup. “Because that’s straight whiskey. In a Starbucks cup. At nine in the morning.”

He doesn’t answer, hoping his silence will force her to drop the subject. He’s wrong.

“What is that, like an entire fifth?” She lowers her voice, an accusatory edge in her tone. “Please tell me you’re not going to drink that whole thing.”

“I don’t want to talk about this with you.”

“You don’t want to talk about anything with me, so what makes this any different?”

He’s surprised to hear the bitterness in her voice when she says that, so uncharacteristic of her normal cheery demeanor. He’d always assumed that’s why she and Maxwell got along so well, both obliviously optimistic, but her face is set hard when he turns to look at her.

“You’re an alcoholic,” she says.

“I am not.”

“Well, if you’re not now, then you’re already one foot into a future of AA meetings.” She crosses her arms, eyes searching his face. “Did you drink anything before this?”

He hesitates a beat too long, somehow unable to bring himself to lie, and she purses her lips. “God, Drake.”

“Calm down,” he rolls his eyes. “I’m not drunk, okay? Doing all this shit... it’s stressful.”

“You’ve had more alcohol this morning than I’ve had since the day I showed up here, and you’re not drunk? That’s exactly what an alcoholic would say.”

“I...” He stares at her.

She stares back.

“Riley!” Maxwell calls from up ahead, “They’re starting!”

“Brooks,” Drake says, voice low. She turns away from him, hurrying forward down the path while he lets himself come to a stop, watching her go. Before she’s too far away, she looks back, pity crossing over her face when her eyes meet his.

“Just… wait until five like the rest of us,” she sighs, brow furrowing before she turns her back to him again.

---

Drake isn’t sure what to do with himself as the festivities continue on, press crowding the gardens that used to be the backdrop of his daydreams. He doesn’t want to see Liam, not in this place, not with these people. And at the same time, the urge to find him and hold him close is stronger than ever.

There’s a gazebo out near the pond where he’s certain Liam will be, hidden out from the rest of the world. How could he not, with everything weighing on him recently? Drake steels himself, brushing past the signs that say the area is closed, making his way up the cobblestones until he has his hand on the doorknob, about to enter.

Through the glass of the door, he sees her — Riley.

She’s not alone.

He steps backward, at first still trying to maintain the illusion of calm, but it’s too much to keep staring at the two of them, especially when Liam is standing so close to her. Riley smiles up at him, and Drake has to turn away, rushing back down the garden pathway towards the house, desperate to put some space in between them.

He doesn’t know what he’s looking for when he hurries up the stairs towards his room, just something to make him forget, something to take the edge off the jagged parts of his heart. If Liam chooses her, if Liam marries her —

He finds Olivia instead, making her way down the hallway with a bottle of something dark in her hand. At the sight of him, she holds it up. “Want a drink?”

They sit out on the balcony of her room, glasses full, no ice.

“Do you really think he’s going to pick her?” she asks.

Drake doesn’t want to think about it, but he knows he has to. Liam is going to pick someone, right? And now that his father has officially announced he’s stepping down, there’s even more riding on the choice. He runs his finger over the rim of his glass. “Yeah.”

“Ugh,” Olivia rubs the bridge of her nose. “I mean I knew it, but I thought... you know, maybe.”

“For what it’s worth,” he offers, “If it had to be anyone… I’d have preferred it be you.”

“Don’t get soft on me. That was almost... nice.”

“It’s never happening again.”

“Good.” Olivia leans forward, resting her chin in her hand, looking out at the grounds with obvious distaste. She swirls her glass absently, the liquid running up against the edges and threatening to spill.

Drake can see the swarms of guests out in the distance, can barely glimpse the edge of the gazebo as well. He wonders if they’re still in there, if they’ve moved on from just talking. “She called me an alcoholic earlier.”

Olivia laughs. “Who, Riley?”

“Who else?”

“Well, you are.” Olivia rolls her eyes at him. “An alcoholic, I mean.”

“I am not.”

Olivia turns her head to meet his eyes, nodding in the direction of the bottle she’d brought out with them. “Where the fuck do you think I got this? Not to mention the fact that you didn’t even notice it was yours. You’re the biggest cliché I’ve ever met, Drake.”

She leans back in the chair with a sigh, closing her eyes and raising her glass up in a mocking toast. “Happy fucking birthday, by the way.”

He discovers later that Liam has let it slip to Riley, who has let it slip to everyone. Maxwell makes them all go out to a western bar to celebrate. He pretends it was Riley’s idea, but he has a car waiting far too quickly for it not to have been an organized ruse. They nag Drake until he agrees to go just to get them off his case, even though a night out with that group is that last thing he wants. It’s just like Maxwell to remember what he hates most in the world and then somehow make it worse.

The only glimmer of hope in the whole debacle is Liam, who has agreed to sneak out with the rest of them. He’s been more of a stickler for the rules lately, what with the social season being so highly watched, so his presence is both a gift and the one thing making the night worthwhile.

When they arrive, Maxwell, Hana, and Riley make a beeline for the dance floor, shrieking with laughter. Drake hangs back by the bar, not wanting to get caught in their debauchery any more than he has to.

Liam sits down next to him, still looking every bit the handsome prince, even without his tailored suits. “Hey,” he says, smiling in that earnest way of his, making Drake’s mouth go dry. “I know you hate all this, but I’m sure you’re glad for an excuse to be away from the court.”

Drake looks down at his hands, avoiding Liam’s eyes. “Yeah, it’s been… a lot, lately.”

The tone of Liam’s voice says more than his words. “I know.”

He exhales slowly, and Drake drops his hand at his side, brushing it against Liam’s until Liam hooks two of their fingers together, ever so slightly.

“My father is dying,” he says quietly, “that’s why he’s stepping down. Nobody knows.”

Drake looks at him in shock. “Liam, I —”

“I’m not telling you because I want you to feel bad for me,” Liam looks down at his feet. “I just need to tell someone. And you’re my… you’re my best friend.”

“Jesus,” Drake says, “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” Liam sighs, still not meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry for so many things, Drake.”

Before he can respond, Riley and Maxwell pounce on them, and he drops Liam’s hand. “Come on,” Riley is saying, tugging at Drake’s sleeve, “You have to dance with us, birthday boy! Hana’s getting drinks.”

“I’m good, thanks,” Drake frowns, crossing his arms. “I don’t do dancing.”

“But it’s your birthday!”

“Even more reason why you should throw in the towel on this.”

Riley pouts, turning instead to Liam. “Liam, you’ll dance with me, right? Show Drake how it’s done?”

“I…” Liam glances over at Drake, an apology in his eyes, and then Riley is tugging him out with her, eyes bright as she laughs.

Maxwell hops up onto the barstool next to Drake, watching Riley go with a distant smile on his face. Drake regards him warily. “You’re going to pass up dancing to… sit at the bar?”

“It’s your birthday,” Maxwell replies, an echo of Riley’s earlier refrain. “You shouldn’t be all alone over here.”

“I know it’s hard for you types to understand, but sometimes being alone is preferable.”

“I don’t think you really believe that,” Maxwell says. “If we get you drunk, will you at least pretend to be more fun?”

Drake rolls his eyes, but Maxwell is already ordering something from the bartender, then passing a shot glass over to Drake, who only looks at him incredulously. “I’m not doing shots with you.”

“Yes you are,” Maxwell holds his up like a toast. “To a new year with everyone’s favorite wet blanket.”

Drake rolls his eyes even harder this time, but Maxwell’s energy is just contagious enough to get him to oblige, raising his as well. “To being alone.”

Maxwell laughs, throwing back the shot and standing up. Drake does the same, but the liquid in his glass tastes like rotten licorice. He coughs, hitting Maxwell in the shoulder. “What the fuck is this?”

“Absinthe,” Maxwell says. “You needed it.”

“And you just —”

“Oh no, mine was a gummy bear,” he says, even as Drake makes a face at him. “Chin up, Walker, you’ll get your alone time now — the lady calls.”

Drake looks in the direction of Maxwell’s footsteps, still swallowing back the bitter taste in his mouth. Riley has broken off from Liam, who is over to the side talking with Hana, and now has both her arms outstretched towards Maxwell. She’s smiling so big it’s like her whole face is a sunbeam, and she bounces on her toes until he meets her, taking her hands and spinning her around, both of them laughing.

Hana sets her drink down, excusing herself to go join Maxwell and Riley, and Drake takes the chance to finally pull away from the bar and cross over to where Liam is standing, watching them all.

“No more dancing?” Drake asks upon approach. Liam’s eyes flicker over to him, but he barely smiles.

“Maxwell can keep up with Riley better than I can.”

Drake follows his gaze, watching Riley for a moment as well. She’s moved on to teaching Hana how to line dance, pulling Maxwell in for support as Hana awkwardly attempts to follow her moves.

He looks back at Liam, whose face is tinged with an exhaustion so heavy it weighs down his shoulders. He looks like he’s not quite all there, like a part of him is still pacing the halls of the palace trying to pick up the pieces of the monarchy.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Drake ventures.

Liam’s expression doesn’t even shift at the question. “I don’t know. Not now. Not today. I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have said anything; this is supposed to be a break from all that.”

“When you run with the nobles, nothing ever really is.”

They only stay for an hour or so more before Maxwell finally relents and calls another car to take them back to Applewood. The drive back is quiet, Riley resting her head on Maxwell’s shoulder, both of them crashing from their adrenaline highs. Liam still seems caught in himself, and finally Drake has to turn and look out the window because it hurts too much to know there’s nothing he can do.

Once inside, Hana is first to take her leave, and then Riley and Maxwell split off towards their rooms, leaving Drake and Liam to walk the rest of the distance alone. The second it’s just the two of them, the darkened hallways echoing with their footsteps, the air feels heavy.

Every moment alone with Liam is like this: charged with potential and what-ifs and tension. He wants to pull Liam into his room, kiss him until they both can’t breathe. He wants to mark out a new memory, one they can’t forget.

Liam is on edge, Drake can tell; he’s careful not to close the space between them too much and his hands are clasped together. It’s like he knows exactly what Drake is thinking, and he’s desperately trying to tell him no, even as his eyes drink him in when he thinks no one can see.

Drake’s room is first of course, with Liam in the royal suite. They pause outside, both silent, not looking at each other as Drake unlocks his door. It’s only when he opens it that he feels a hand on his arm.

“Drake,” Liam whispers. Drake looks back at him, but he doesn’t move to continue, only gazing out with eyes as deep as the ocean.

Drake rests his hand on top of Liam’s, still locked in his gaze. “Yeah?”

He imagines it all playing out: Liam reaching for him, the two of them stumbling into the room, kisses on all the places where their bodies yearn for each other, fingers tight on the sheets, a hand on the headboard, Liam’s mouth on his as he says Drake’s name like a prayer.

Instead, Liam pulls his hand back, almost trembling, his mouth parting for just a moment before finally he speaks. “Happy birthday.”

Drake just stares at him, falling in love all over again, breaking his heart all over again. The endless cycle of renewal and pain that punctuates their time together. He wants to say I love you. He wants to say I miss you. He wants to say I know you said we can’t wish anymore, but I wished for you.

Instead, he says nothing, opening the door to his room, stepping inside, and sinking down to the floor as soon as Liam is gone.

That night he dreams about Liam for the first time in a while, has to wake up and take a cold shower at four in the morning, hands pressed against the tile while he breathes in deep. Afterwards, he stares himself down in the mirror. Get a hold of yourself.

He almost pours a glass of whiskey on the way back to bed, but for some reason he hears Riley’s voice in his head and can’t bring himself to do it. Instead, he stares at his phone, writing and re-writing a text to Liam.

I can’t stop thinking about

Maybe we could still

I want you so bad I just

I love you I love you I love you

He deletes every single one, falling back against the pillow with a frustrated sigh.

#driam #drake x liam #trr fanfic #playchoices fanfic #dralivia #my fic #long post #sorry this one is literally only depressing angst #the next one should be out faster i already have a bunch of it written

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e8luhs · 6 years ago

Text

WOKE UP NEW.

LISTEN ON SPOTIFY

TRACKLIST & ANNOTATIONS UNDER THE CUT! (last edited 03.16.19)

I. ARE YOU SATISFIED? / MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

cause it’s my problem if i want to pack up and run away it’s my business if i feel the need to smoke and drink and swear it’s my problem, it’s my problem if i feel the need to hide and it’s my problem if i have no friends and feel i want to die

II. LIFESPAN / VAULTS

oh, you took what you wanted to take and yet you never wanted nothing from me oh, you took what you wanted to take and yet you never wanted nothing from me

III. RAIN IN SOHO / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

no promise sweeter than a blood pact nothing harder to go through than a vanishing act no morning colder than the first frost no friends close than the ones we've lost

IV. LEMON GLOW / BEACH HOUSE

read my fortune too, tell me what you see cross it like a t it's all the same to me this game i play, i do it every day i promise I'll be fine, bear it every time

V. SATELLITE MIND / METRIC

i’m not suicidal i just can't get out of bed i drift into a deep fog lost where i forgot to hold it i can feel you most when i'm alone i can feel your ghost when i'm alone

VI. PEDESTRIAN AT BEST / COURTNEY BARNETT

my internal monologue is saturated analog it's scratched and drifting, i've become attached to the idea it's all a shifting dream, bittersweet philosophy i've got no idea how I even got here i'm resentful, I'm having an existential time crisis want bliss, daylight savings won't fix this mess under-worked and over-sexed, i must express my disinterest the rats are back inside my head, what would freud have said?

VII. BORN TO LOSE / SLEIGH BELLS

took a shot to the head in the back near the crib such a legend now, you were born to lose ‘cause i know that the pain keeps you close to the flame you know everything, you were born to lose

VIII. STICKS AND STONES / THE PIERCES

sticks and stones will break your bones and leave you lying in the mud but you get scared when we're alone, like i might suck your blood and i could tell you a witch's spell but it just might blow your top and you start to run just as I'm having fun and it's awfully hard to stop, it's awfully hard to stop

IX. BLACK OUT DAYS / PHANTOGRAM

speak in tongues i don't even recognize your face mirror on the wall tell me all the ways to stay away

X. THE OUTSIDER / MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

i look myself in the face and whisper "i'm in the wrong place" is there more to lose than gain if i go on my own again? (on my own again)

XI. SPELLBOUND / SIOUXSIE AND THE BANSHEES

following the footsteps of a rag doll dance we are entranced spellbound

XII. ARTIFICIAL NOCTURNE / METRIC

i’m just as fucked up as they say i can't fake the daytime i found an entrance to escape into the dark got false lights for the sun it's an artificial nocturne an outsider's escape for a broken heart

XIII. AUTOCLAVE / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

i am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam and no emotion that's worth having could call my heart its home my heart's an autoclave my heart's an autoclave

XIV. BAD DREAMS / PHANTOGRAM

bad things never neglect me i'm just a scene in a movie bad thoughts never arrest me i'm just a flash in a memory

XV. BEAT (HEALTH, LIFE, AND FIRE) / THAO & THE GET DOWN STAY DOWN

and oh my gunpowder and with emergency i must battle without her she is surely killing me

XVI. EVERY TEAR DISAPPEARS / ST. VINCENT

oh, the more that i struggle i'm deeper in the pit if i can show a hand then i can show a fist call the twenty-first century, tell her “give us a break”

XVII. FIREWORKS / MITSKI

one morning this sadness will fossilize and i will forget how to cry i'll keep going to work and you won't see a change save, perhaps, a slight gray in my eye

XVIII. UNICORN TOLERANCE / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

and when the clouds do clear away get a momentary chance to see the thing i've been trying to beat to death the soft creature that i used to be the better animal i used to be

XIX. GROW UP AND BLOW AWAY / METRIC

if this is the life why does it feel so good to die today? blue to gray grow up and blow away

XX. NUMB / MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

i feel numb most of the time lower i get, the higher i'll climb and i will wonder why i got dark only to shine looking for the golden life oh, it's a reasonable sacrifice

XXI. AMERICAN DREAM / EMILY HAINES & THE SOFT SKELETON

grab your clothes and head to the doorway if you dance out, no one complains find the place where you can be boring where you won't need to explain that you're sick in the head, and you wish you were dead or at least instead of sleeping here you prefer your own bed, come on you just suck at self-preservation versus someone else's pain

XXII. WEAR BLACK / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

wear black when it's light outside wear black when there's no light wear black following the left hand path wear black but i get right

XXIII. SPAT OUT SPIT / LADY LAMB

was i born wild? have i been asleep this whole damn time, dreaming up a life? will i awake to find that I'm deep in the woods? and i'm snarling on all fours

XXIV. MEDULLA OBLONGATA / BUKE & GASE

since i left you with these broken fingers broken tongue broken ears from not listening false hopes and happiness in the barrel of my god

XXV. PARIS IS BURNING / ST. VINCENT

they say, “i’m on your side when nobody is, 'cause nobody is come sit right here and sleep while i slip poison in your ear”

XXVI. IN THE CRATERS ON THE MOON / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

if the strain proves too much give up right away if the light hurts your eyes stay in your room all day

XXVII. GETAWAY / MOTHER MOTHER

we gotta get away from it all we gotta get away from everything we've grown to know we gotta get gone like on a holiday, but for longer away from all the silly things that haunt us

XXVIII. YOUR FACE LEFT BEFORE YOU / BUKE & GASE

breaking down my brick wall brain nothing worse than everything to gain too bad it's not my turn you've got witches to burn

XXIX. FUNERAL PYRE / PHANTOGRAM

my funeral pyre my ship of fire as it sinks, i rise all i see is your eyes

XXX. HOLLY / SLEIGH BELLS

wasted all day killing all the capulets!

XXXI. GUILTY / MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

oh i’m a guilty one, and know what i have done yeah, i'm a troubled one, and i won't be forgiven

XXXII. KILLER / PHOEBE BRIDGERS

can the killer in me tame the fire in you? is there nothing left to do for us? i am sick of the chase, but i'm hungry for blood and there's nothing i can do

XXXIII. TIPTOE / THE ANTLERS

[instrumental]

XXXIV. GOODBYE, MY DANISH SWEETHEART / MITSKI

now i lay as i study a blank wall would you spare me your voice if i call? ‘cause you waited and watered my heart till it grew you just grew a little smarter too

XXXV. HERMIT THE FROG / MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

yeah i feel i’m watered down whenever he's around i put on the crown of clowns and melt slowly to the ground

XXXVI. LAST WORDS OF A SHOOTING STAR / MITSKI

you wouldn't leave till we loved in the morning you'd learned from movies how love ought to be and you'd say you love me and look in my eyes but i know through mine you were looking in yours

XXXVII. 9TH PAWN / OHO

i'm the 9th pawn of the chessboard take it apart, take it along, dark and light squares i'm the thirteenth labor of Hercules give it a try or give it up give it up to me

XXXVIII. HUMPTY / MITSKI

i'll live in the bathtub surrounded by tiles all so square and so steady i will die in their cool, cool arms

XXXIX. I FIRE MYSELF / MARY TIMONY

a demon lured me to his bed where i fell into a poison sleep i dreamed of a river of ants inside me and they were sad and started to bleed

XL. THE POINT OF IT ALL / AMANDA PALMER

“but no one can stare at the wall as good as you, my baby-doll and you're aces for coming along you're almost human, after all and you're learning that just 'cause they call themselves friends doesn't mean they'll call...” they made the comment in jest but you've got the needle i guess that's the point of it all

XLI. SQUARE / MITSKI

your room was square i once noticed from there in your bed, as you slept and i held my breath everything had its own place and i wondered; what space would i take, in the order you kept?

XLII. SAVIOR / ST VINCENT

adore you to the grave and farther honey, i can't be your martyr maybe it's just human nature but honey, i can't be your savior

XLIII. VALLEY OF THE DOLLS / MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

in the valley of the dolls, we sleep got a hole inside of me living with identities that do not belong to me in my life, i got this far now i’m ready for the last hoorah dying like a shooting star in the valley

XLIV. STATUETTE / EMILY HAINES & THE SOFT SKELETON

with a feather in your cap another jewel in your crown another notch in your belt you’re the captain at the helm the statuette on your shelf says you’re better than me better than me

XLV. HAVE TO EXPLODE / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

the stage is set, someone's going to do something someone else will regret i speak in smoke signals and you answer in code the fuse will have to run out sometime something here will eventually have to explode, have to explode

XLVI. THE BOX SONG / AMANDA PALMER

and you were sure that you could keep it all off in a tower where there’d always be space and you were sure that if you read it all you would eventually come across your own name

XLVII. I DON’T SMOKE / MITSKI

if you need to be mean, be mean to me i can take it and put it inside of me if your hands need to break more than trinkets in your room you can lean on my arm as you break my heart

XLVIII. ICICLES / THE SCARY JOKES

but as for me, i can only be forgiven if im givin myself up to you on a silver serving tray must i bare myself to the stabbing of your knife and gnashing teeth, while our lovely company appears so entertained? ah yes, good etiquette demands i remain soft and accessible in the face of my own ending so i will try to be discreet; through my full-blown implosion, i’ll stay golden and retreat into my sweetest fantasy

XLIX. CODES AND KEYS / DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE

when you scream, “love you, see”, like a child throwing stones at the sky when they fall back to earth as minor chords of major works separate rooms of single life we are one we are alive

L. WASHING MACHINE HEART / MITSKI

baby, though i've closed my eyes i know who you pretend i am i know who you pretend i am

LI. THE KILLING TYPE / AMANDA PALMER

i couldn't kill to get you back and i've officially been asked i couldn't kill to save a life i'd rather a die a peaceful piece of shit-bait shame-filled coward, thanks

LII. HAVE IT OUT / MOTHER MOTHER

i have it out, i have it out, with myself, with myself, i have it out it's gonna get ugly it's gonna get messy it's gonna be world war iii of myself

LIII. CATABOLIC SEED / THE SCARY JOKES

oh i made a silly mistake (what'd you do?) i've given up more than i can take (uh oh!) and left hollows in my wake my structure's compromised but you still batter at all my fault lines i can't run, i can't hide, but you can't say i didn't try

LIV. DOPPELGANGER / THE ANTLERS

and now's he howling, but i'm muted by the horror how he's everywhere and waiting now he's just around the corner

LV. LEFT ALONE / FIONA APPLE

and now i'm hard, too hard to know i don't cry when i'm sad anymore, no no tears calcify in my tummy, fears coincide with the tow how can i ask anyone to love me when all i do is beg to be left alone?

LVI. HEEL TURN 2 / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

spend too much of my life now trying to play fair throw my better self overboard shoot at him when he comes up for air come unhinged get revenge i don't want to die in here i don't want to die in here

LVII. NOT ABOUT LOVE / FIONA APPLE

conversation once colored by esteem became dialogue as a diagram of a play for blood took a vacation, my palate got clean now i could taste your agenda while you're spitting your cud

LVIII. SEVENTEEN / MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

oh, you were embarrassed of me 'cause i used my tongue freely bet you wish i couldn't speak 'cause when i do, you know i tell you why you appear weak

LIX. YOUR WOMAN / WHITE TOWN

now i know your heart, i know your mind, you don't even know you're being unkind, so much for all your high brow marxist ways, just use me up and then you walk away boy, you can't play me that way

LX. DEADBODY / MIYA FOLICK

i need you to know i'm not powerless my strength lies within my gentleness and i'm already hurt so now i don't have to hide and i hold all the heads of my brothers and my sisters high

LXI. YOUR DOG / SOCCER MOMMY

i'm not a prop for you to use when you're lonely or confused i want a love that lets me breathe i've been choking on your leash

LXII. RIPE / SCREAMING FEMALES

i built this game to play and to pretend you are a dark machine and i'm a cog when engines crack, when fuel lines break off i'll save your bits and let your motor rot

LXIII. WINDOW / FIONA APPLE

i was staring out the window the whole time he was talking to me it was a filthy pane of glass i couldn't get a clear view and as he went on and on it wasn't the outside world i could see just the filthy pane that i was looking through

LXIV. BLUE TRASH MATTRESS FIRE / SLEIGH BELLS

i'll do it, i'll jump not for kicks, not for fun but because this shit is too much it's fucking me up enough is enough, enough is enough!

LXV. BITE THE HAND / BOYGENIUS

who do you think you are? who do you think i am? what do you wanna say? what do you think will change? maybe i'm afraid of you maybe i'm afraid of you

LXVI. VENGEANCE / HOT SUGAR

[instrumental]

LXVII. EYES ON FIRE / BLUE FOUNDATION

i'm taking it slow feeding my flame shuffling the cards of your game and just in time, in the right place suddenly i will play my ace

LXVIII. NO CHILDREN / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

and i hope when you think of me years down the line you can't find one good thing to say and i'd hope that if i found the strength to walk out you'd stay the hell out of my way

LXIX. FUCK WAS I / JENNY OWEN YOUNGS

love grows in me like a tumor parasite bent on devouring its host i’m developing my sense of humor till i can laugh at my heart between your teeth till i can laugh at my face beneath your feet

LXX. SERPENTS / SHARON VAN ETTEN

serpents in my mind, i am searching for your crimes everything changes in time you'll stay frozen in time collaging girls, controlling minds you hold the mirror well to everybody else

LXXI. IF YOU FEEL BETTER / EMILY AUTUMN

if you feel better telling me i'm cruel saying i'm unfeeling i don't mind if it's necessary, if it helps you out crying that i'm heartless it's alright

LXXII. THE GOOD THAT WON’T COME OUT / RILO KILEY

i do this thing where i think i'm real sick but i won't go to the doctor to find out about it 'cause they make you stand real still in a real small place as they chartup your insides and put them on display they'd see all of it, all of me, all of it

LXXIII. THE BODY IS A BLADE / JAPANESE BREAKFAST

try your best to slowly withdraw from the darkest impulses of your heart try your best to feel and receive your body is blade that cuts a path from day to day

LXXIV. GET LONELY / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

and i will go downtown, stand in the shadows of the buildings and button up my coat, trying to stay strong, spirit willing and i will come back home, maybe call some friends maybe paint some pictures it all depends and i will get lonely, and gasp for air and look up at the high windows, and see your face up there

LXXV. MOTION SICKNESS / PHOEBE BRIDGERS

i hate you for what you did and i miss you like a little kid i faked it every time but that's alright i can hardly feel anything i hardly feel anything at all

LXXVI. EMPTY / METRIC

sickness was fixing me some coughed out my heart in the last stall now that the damage is done i never miss it at all

LXXVII. TINDER / ORIGAMIBRO

[instrumental]

LXXVIII. REMEMBER MY NAME / MITSKI

'cause i need somebody to remember my name after all that i can do for them is done i need someone to remember me

LXXIX. THE EXECUTION OF ALL THINGS / RILO KILEY

soldiers come quickly, i feel the earth beneath my feet i'm feeling badly, but it's not an attempt at decency and if you're well off, well then i'm happy some for you but i'd rather not celebrate my defeat and humiliation here with you

LXXX. THE THUNDER ANSWERED BACK / Ó

i screamed out, “how'd it get this bad?” and the thunder answered back “if you know not what you lack then you must unturn your back your inside is overcast and you are tethered to your past and it must feel like fucking hell to be a patchwork of yourself a bunch of scraps thrown and sewn around your bones and though you're alone it's holding you too tightly but who are you? from where do you come? what do you believe in? and whom do you love?"

LXXXI. DIE HAPPY / METRIC

this city is thick with common thieves still passing around the same disease who's running this town and why are we? still drinking that kool-aid like it's free

LXXXII. ALL MY PRIDE / BLACK HONEY

all my scars will heal in time now he's gone with all my pride everybody's saying what i need to do but i haven't got a thing to prove, prove to you

LXXXIII. HEADS WILL ROLL / YEAH YEAH YEAHS

glitter on the west streets silver over everything the rivers all wet you're all chrome

LXXXIV. ART OF DOUBT / METRIC

you said "don't let your heart give out" no, i won't let my heart give out you said "don't let your breath run out" no, i won't let my breath run out

LXXXV. BLACK EYE/BURNT THUMB / METRONOMY

[instrumental]

LXXXVI. KLAPP KLAPP / LITTLE DRAGON

somebody from my heart sang i could turn off and never wake up and everything's clear, my breath made like-steam fake feel better fallin' apart, apart, apart, apart, apart

LXXXVII. VANISHING ACT / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

[instrumental]

LXXXVIII. AUBERGINE / LADY LAMB

i was unborn when i was younger i was unborn when i was younger but i was rebuilt when you spoke i awoke when you spoke

LXXXIX. PSYCHIC READER / BAD BAD HATS

when i look at you, i get a good vibration stay on the line until i hit your station i was meant for you so i can be patient, yeah

XC. BETS AGAINST THE VOID / THE SCARY JOKES

the sun is just a copper coin i flip in bets against the void imitating choice 'til i feel good again, i'll keep them in a tin can then i'll have copper coins to spare

XCI. GIRL / THE INTERNET

passion burning, causing rapture of laughter pressure building, falling faster and faster if i told you that you rock my world, i want you around me would you let me call you my girl? (my girlfriend, my girlfriend) i can give you the life you deserve, just say the word and i got you, baby i got you

XCII. BUZZCUT SEASON / LORDE

i remember when your head caught flame it kissed your scalp and caressed your brain well you laughed, baby it's okay it's buzz cut season anyway

XCIII. GEYSER / MITSKI

you're my number one you're the one i want and i've turned down every hand that has beckoned me to come

XCIV. A KISS / THE BLOW

those dances that I did, they really weren't all that fun to do i only did them 'cause they were the only ones i knew they called me player, i just played who i thought i should be i'd still be her if you hadn't come and interrupted me from the kiss

XCV. CRANE YOUR NECK / LADY LAMB

and i placed my palm upon your collarbone and i wished to fall asleep deep in your marrow as gently as a mouse curled up in a ball as gently as a mouse until tomorrow

XCVI. DANCE YRSELF CLEAN (COVER) / MS MR

walking up to me expecting walking up to me expecting words, it happens all the time present company accepted present company, except the worst it happens every night

XCVII. SOFT SOUNDS FROM ANOTHER PLANET / JAPANESE BREAKFAST

in search of a soft sound from another planet in search of a quiet place to lay this to rest striving for goodness while the cruel men win there's no part of me left that can feel or hear it

XCVIII. A BETTER SON/DAUGHTER / RILO KILEY

and sometimes when you're on, you're really fucking on and your friends, they sing along and they love you but the lows are so extreme that the good seems fucking cheap and it teases you for weeks in its absence but you'll fight and you'll make it through, you'll fake it if you have to and you'll show up for work with a smile and you'll be better and you'll be smarter and more grown up and a better daughter or son, and a real good friend

XCIX. TRAUMA / HOT SUGAR

[instrumental]

C. WOKE UP NEW / THE MOUNTAIN GOATS

the first time i made coffee for just myself, i made too much of it but i drank it all, just 'cause you hate it when i let things go to waste and i wandered through the house like a little boy, lost at the mall and an astronaut could've seen the hunger in my eyes from space

#plylsts #we are back in business baybee... no actual cover art this time though because im lazy. soz #ill probably add some at some point though. someday #cataclysmalbound #also literally so sorry for you mobile people out there but it had to be this way. glad you were all willing to sacrifice yourselves

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dubocs-blog · 6 years ago

Photo

ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ 𝒱𝒶𝓁𝑒𝓇𝒾𝑒 𝒟𝓊𝒷𝑜𝒾𝓈

a playlist about a smart and beauty plastic

Valerie, by Amy Winehouse

'Cause since I've come on home, Well my body's been a mess And I've missed your ginger hair And the way you like to dress Won't you come on over Stop making a fool out of me Why don't you come on over Valerie?

Beauty Queen, by Foxes

Why are we so obsessed with cutting skin When the real things in our lives can't get in?Marching to the same drum Every single beat's gone I can hear the dark days comingAnother generation Fighting for attention Can't you see I'm tired of running?

God is a woman, by Ariana Grande

You, you love it how I move you You love it how I touch you My one, when all is said and done You'll believe God is a woman And I, I feel it after midnight A feelin' that you can't fight My one, it lingers when we're done You'll believe God is a woman

Lip & Hip, by HyunA

Trendier accessories Well balancing my eyes, twinkling kling Even your friends fall for me But my eyes are only, eyes on your lips Today, I’m the queen queen queen Just standing next to me makes you the king king king A lot of men want me but it’s you

Agora Sou Solteira, by Valesca Popozuda

Eu vou pro baile procurar o meu negão, Vou subir no palco ao som do tamborzão Sou cachorrona mesmo E late que eu vou passar Agora eu sou solteira e ninguém vai me segurar Dj aumenta o som

Menina Má, by Anitta

Agora eu vou me vingar Menina má, eu vou provocar vou descer Vou instigar, me pede beijo, eu desejo Não vou beijar

Carmen, by Lana Del Rey

The boys, the girls, they all like Carmen She gives them butterflies, bats her cartoon eyes She laughs like God, her mind's like a diamond Buy her tonight, she's still shining Like lightning, light, like lightning

Gods & Monsters, by Lana Del Rey

In the land of gods and monsters, I was an angel. Living in the garden of evil, Screwed up, scared, doing anything that I needed. Shining like a fiery beacon, You got that medicine I need Fame, liquor, love, give it to me slowly. Put your hands on my waist, do it softly. Me and God we don’t get along, so now I sing.

L.I.E, by EXID

I pray that you keep this up until you die And go to hell, go to hell (Go away) Oh baby you You should have never been born What do I do, what do I do I’m losing my mind because I can’t stand seeing you

Something, by Girls’ Day

Don’t you look

Into my eyes and lie again

I’m sick of being alone

Your shaking face and words Seems like something is up A strange scent is all over your body Seems like you’re possessed by something

Maybe you felt guilty at my guess I caught you off guard and you’re so out of it Your story keeps changing here and there, what’s wrong with you Maybe you felt guilty at my guess I caught you off guard and you’re so out of it Why, are you scared all of a sudden? Let go of my hand, don’t lie to me

Egoist, by Olivia Hye (feat. Jinsoul)

Hey, for the sin of swallowing you You get bigger and bigger, beautiful you You are me, now I’m you Little by little, soaked into my veins On&on, you and me the endless cycle We can’t be separated, When I miss you I close my eyes and go to you for a while Close your eyes and you come closer to me

Maremotos, by Supercombo

Às vezes, é fácil sorrir Às vezes, só fecha a cara Às vezes, é só dormir Às vezes, não melhora

Às vezes, é fácil ouvir Às vezes, é gritaria Às vezes, é um poço sem fim Às vezes, é uma escada

Calma, vai passar Espera a tempestade clarear Os maremotos de química surgem Bagunçam tua cabeça a todo vapor

The Best Damn Thing, by Avril Lavigne

Give me an A: Always give me what I want Give me a V: be Very, very good to me R: R you gonna treat me right? I: I can put up a fight Give me an L: Let me hear you scream loud

Killer Queen, by Queen

She keeps her Moet et Chandon In her pretty cabinet "Let them eat cake", she says Just like Marie Antoinette A built-in remedy For Kruschev and Kennedy At anytime an invitation You can't declineCaviar and cigarettes Well versed in etiquette Extraordinarily nice

Bubblegum Bitch, by Marina and the Diamonds

Got a figure like a pin-up Got a figure like a doll Don't care if you think I'm dumb I don't care at all Candy bear, sweety pie I wanna be adored I'm the girl you'd die forI chew you up and I'll spit you out 'Cause that's what young love is all about So pull me closer and kiss me hard I'm gonna pop your bubblegum heart

Power and Control, by Marina and the Diamonds

Give a little, get a lot That’s just how you are with love Give a little, get a lot Yeah, you may be good-looking but you’re not a piece of artPower, control I’m gonna make you fall Power, control I’m gonna make you fall

Women and men, we are the same But love will always be game We give and take a little more Eternal game of tug and war

#nrth:task #finge que o edit n aconteceu #mas é que meu photoshop bugou e eu desisti #( she's got a barbarella silver swimsuit | edits. )

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geneshaven · 8 years ago

Text

Another Ride On The Ferris Wheel

Oliver stepped out onto the balcony feeling a need to detach from the festivities going on in the loft. He took a swallow from the twenty-year old Red Label scotch John had given him for his birthday tonight. The smoothness of the booze brought him a little comfort and it went down mellow, giving Oliver a small core of heat in his stomach.

He looked out over Star City and he had a sudden memory of another birthday. He was eight and his parents gave him a party, a lavish extravaganza that only a privileged boy with billionaire parents could give. Tommy and Laurel and Sara were there. Oliver’s father had rented a Ferris wheel and set it up in the backyard of the Queen Mansion. Oliver really didn’t know most of the invited guests---children of his father’s associates and business partners running around like excited strangers. It was adolescent chaos and Oliver remembered being overwhelmed by it all.

In contrast to the party Felicity had thrown for him tonight, that long ago day in his backyard was an event. But the image of that Ferris wheel kept turning in his mind. A melancholy nostalgia filled him as he remembered the brief kiss on the cheek Laurel had given him at the top of the wheel. It was awkward and not really welcome, but Oliver allowed it because he was sixty feet up in the air and had nowhere to go to avoid it.

He took another swallow of scotch and felt sadness creep into his heart. His parents, Tommy and Laurel were dead now. If those losses had happened to the eight-year old Oliver, it would have given him a completely different life. That kind of grief at such a young age would have molded his personality and damaged his soul. His innocence was still intact back then and his life had been storied and filled with dreams come true. He grew up with that mindset. He grew into his arrogant playboy persona, a person that could have anything he wanted with earning it. That included basic people skills like caring and giving and loving. It was as flamboyant as that Ferris (or Ollie) wheel.

Until he climbed aboard the Gambit.

Oliver turned toward the Star City Marina, just a couple miles away. That is where his true life started. There wasn’t enough scotch in the world to wash away the memories that filled his mind and spirit whenever he thought of that life and what it turned him into.

Oliver took another shot of scotch and thought about the innocence of Ferris wheels.

Back inside the loft, the party was a temporary haven of friends, music, liquor and much needed relief from everything that has transpired over the past few weeks.

Felicity wanted the party to be a surprise for Oliver, but she decided against stealth. Not only did Oliver have an adherent ability to sniff out the unexpected, but she also felt that he already had had enough surprises recently. Their entrapment in and beneath the Bunker a couple weeks ago, and everything her and Oliver went through, was still racing in her heart. It wasn’t something either of them saw coming. Just before the EMP explosion, they were still locked in their stalemate of mistrust and anger. When Helix shut her out, telling her that it was Oliver and his team who were the real threat, Felicity felt a sense of loss. It just added more fuel to the fire burning inside her. She and Oliver began a confrontation that could have spiraled out of control, perhaps enough to keep the distance between them and the door closed for a long time. When the blast went off and crippled her again, Felicity was at first scared then apprehensive over the fact that both of them would be alone, not only in the powerless darkness of the Bunker, but also entangled in the uncertainty of resolving their need to come together and face their personal demons.

Felicity stood by the fireplace watching Oliver out on the balcony. The overwhelming fear she had in the Bunker that he might die still brought her chills. In these last two weeks, she replayed over and over in her mind Oliver’s confession to her. Felicity had never seen him so open and vulnerable as he was down there in the dark. She might go as far to say that it was the closest she ever felt to him. When he told her what Chase did to him, what Chase made him believe---Felicity wanted to crawl inside him and take the darkness away. She wanted to battle the monster. She wanted to live with it and make it her own. But all she could do was lay there against him and wait for him to die. His belief that he enjoyed killing and that everything he created was a lie cut deep into Felicity and made her want to fight and be strong for both of them. It that is carrying his burden and hers, so be it. The methane gas that saturated the air around them suddenly didn’t seem as threatening as the poison pouring out of Oliver’s soul. She had felt a need to rise up and break through the walls of their prison.

Felicity watched Oliver on the balcony and she needed to go out there and tell him he was making a difference, that he was a hero and that it wasn’t a lie. Not any of it. She needed to tell him out loud that she loved him.

“Hey…”

Oliver turned around and Felicity was there. Her voice was like silk reaching out to him on the warm evening air.

“Hey,” he greeted her.

“Are you okay?” she asked him?

“Yeah. I just needed some air.” Oliver smiled at her. “Thank you for this tonight, Felicity.”

She smiled back. “You don’t have to thank me, Oliver. It’s your birthday hon…uh, Oliver. I thought I should give you some enjoyment.”

Oliver could only smile.

“Oh, that sounded kind of suggestive, didn’t it?” Felicity felt a babble coming on.

“Felicity,” Oliver responded. “You have given me enjoyment, and not just because of this party.”

An awkward silence fell between them. But Felicity knew it wasn’t because of his implied feelings for her. After what they shared together in the Bunker, she didn’t feel so apart from him as she has in the past year. Felicity felt she could approach him; felt she might maybe even understood him better. Just dive right in, Felicity told herself.

“Oliver…do you remember that night in the Bunker last year? I told you I wasn’t ready yet to have our talk.”

Oliver nodded. “Of course I remember. I told you I wasn’t going anywhere.”

“Right. It was shortly after that when I met Billy. That night…when we made love…Oliver, it felt so natural. It always feels natural when I’m with you. I mean, not the sex…just being with you.”

“Felicity…”

“Oliver, I didn’t feel that with Billy. I cared about him, sure. He was a good man like you said. But it didn’t feel natural…”

“Why are you telling me this now” Oliver asked her?

“Because I want to be honest with you.”

“Felicity, you’ve always been honest with me. Well, maybe not about Helix, not at first. I understand that what you had with Billy…”

“Oliver, I didn’t.”

“What?”

Felicity shook her head. “I didn’t have anything with Billy. Not like what we had. You asked me, right here on this balcony, it if was real. Do you remember?”

Oliver only nodded, not wanting to interrupt her.

“I told you I didn’t know. But Oliver, I did know.” A tear slowly rolled down her face. “Oliver, that night…that night on the balcony, I wanted to have our talk. But then you said you were totally fine with me being with Billy and I lost my nerve.”

“Felicity, it was another lie.”

“It was…Oliver…”

“I was hurt,” he told her. “And maybe even jealous. And I…when you said you weren’t keeping the door open…”

Felicity went to Oliver and put her arms around him. It wasn’t a romantic gesture, it was a comfort move. “Oliver, so much has changed since then, not just because you killed…I mean…Chase…”

“Felicity, please don’t have to do this.”

“No Oliver, I want…need you to know how much I was aching for you, even though I was with Billy…oh god, is that morbid?”

Oliver didn’t know how to respond.

Felicity let go of him and stepped back. She wanted to look in his eyes.

Oliver swallowed the remaining scotch in his glass and set it on the balcony railing. More silence came between them. Then Oliver completely changed directions. “Felicity, do you like Ferris wheels?”

She looked at him. “What?”

“Ferris wheels. I was thinking about my 8th birthday earlier. My father put one in our backyard at the Mansion. He did this for me, to make sure I had fun on my special day.”

“Oliver…what are you talking about?”

“Felicity, you’re like that Ferris wheel. Ever since I met you, you’ve made my life fun. You’ve put me above everything, up high where I can see things more clearly. You give my life excitement.”

“Oliver…”

“I was thinking after we defeat Chase, and we will, maybe you would take a ride with me on a Ferris wheel.”

Felicity lowered her head to hide her tears. “Oliver…yes, I will take that ride with you.”

He let a big smile light up his face. “Great, and maybe I’ll bribe the operator to stop us at the top so I can kiss you.”

“Oliver, you don’t have to wait. You can kiss me now.”

Oliver moved forward then stopped himself. “No, I’ll wait. Even if years go by, it will be worth it.”

“Oliver…happy birthday. And I love you.”

“And that is the best gift I will ever receive,” he told her.

@hope-for-olicity @louiseblue1 @tdgal1 @it-was-a-red-heeler @memcjo @dmichellewrites @almondblossomme

#ficlet

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esperanzacboronial · 8 years ago

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I been running a long, long time Trying to flee that life But I can't seem to leave it behind Wanna visit the windswept shores of a time before When the moon and the stars were aligned

Sons of Witches. a Huey/Elmer playlist

Listen Here

Tracklist with relevant lyric excerpts + a few explanations under the cut, so if you’re on mobile it’s gonna be long, sorry.

1. We Intertwined. The Hush Sound (Reminiscence about Elmer and Monica from the perspective of older Huey)

Like vines we intertwined / Carelessly growing up and growing old Frantically searching for her / Inside my head she's somewhere

2. Ghosts. Laura Marling (1700s era Huey opening up - in this case let’s pretend ‘ghosts’ refer to his village rather than to past lovers.)

Opened up his little heart / Unlocked the lock that kept it dark / And read a written warning / Saying 'I'm still mourning / Over ghosts that broke my heart before I met you' Lover, please do not fall to your knees / It's not like I believe in everlasting love

3. Feelgood Inc. Gorillaz

You got a new horizon, it's ephemeral style / A melancholy town where we never smile Take it all in on your stride / It is sinking, falling down / Love forever, love is free / Let's turn forever, you and me

4. Which Witch. Florence + the Machine (this is The post-1711 Humer song)

I'm miles away, he's on my mind / I'm getting tired of crawling all the way I'm not beat up by this yet / You can't tell me to regret / Been in the dark since the day we met / Fire, help me to forget While tried and tested, it's mine / And it's my whole heart / Trying to bleach it out / And it's my whole heart / Burned but not buried this time

5. Any Other World. Mika

In any other world / You could tell the difference / And let it all unfurl / Into broken remnants I tried to live alone / But lonely is so lonely, alone / So human as I am / I had to give up my defences So I smiled and tried to mean it / To let myself let go

6. Sound the Bells. Dessa (post-Monica’s death feels if you want some)

Looks like our writing on the wall / Is lorem ipsum after all / A higher tide will wash it all / Wash it all away Go lift your sails up / For one last swell / Go lift yourselves up / To sound the bells

7. Unsafe Safe. The Hush Sound

No you won't disarm my heart / The last gift you'll ever get from me / Is the combination or the key

8. Sick of Losing Soulmates. Dodie Clark (this whole song tbh)

What a strange being you are, God knows where I would be / If you hadn't found me, sitting all alone in the dark Watch how a cold broken teen / Will desperately lean on a superglued human of proof 'Cause I'm sick of losing soulmates, so where do we begin / I can finally see, you're as fucked up as me / So how do we win?

9. Mona Lisa (When the World Comes Down). All American Rejects

Here's another pity / And there's another chance / Try to learn a lesson / But you can't. If we can burn a city / In futures and in past / Without a change our lives will never last.

10. Every Time You Go. Ellie Goulding

And it starts with forever / And it ends with a touch / And I know that you're clever / And I don't ask for much.

11. No Light, No Light. Florence + the Machine

A revelation in the light of day / You can't choose what stays and what fades away And would you need me / If I told you what I've become? / 'Cause it's so easy to say it to a crowd / But it's so hard, my love / To say it to you out loud

12. The Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot. Brand New (SOME ELMER PERSPECTIVE)

If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand / Hope you find out what you are; already know what I am / And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again / You can tell me how vile I already know that I am It'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate

13. Buy the Stars. Marina and the Diamonds

You bought a star in the sky tonight / Because your life is dark and it needs some light / You named it after me, but I’m not yours to keep You bought a star in the sky tonight / And in your man-made dark / The light inside you died

14. Make You Better. The Decemberists (prime “codependent assholes” Humer)

And when you bend backwards / I wanted you, I needed you / To make me better But we're not so starry-eyed anymore / Like the perfect paramour you were in your letters / And won't it all just come around to make you / Let it all unbreak you to the day you met her And all I wanted was a sliver to call mine / And all I wanted was a shimmer in your shine / To make me bright

15. Two Birds. Regina Spektor

Two birds of a feather / Say that they're always / Gonna stay together / But one's never goin' to / Let go of that wire / He says that he will / But he's just a liar

16. Laughter Lines. Bastille (This Is Some 1711 Farewell Shit)

I'll see you in the future when we're older / And we are full of stories to be told / Cross my heart and hope to die / I'll see you with your laughter lines

17. Dear. Maria Mena (Farwell pt.2)

I thought I’d seen it all when you first walked in / But you shut me up / And challenged every wrong perception I’ve had of myself / And you haven’t ever stopped.

18. I Will Be Back One Day. Lord Huron (pt.3)

You made me swear I'd never forget / I made a vow I'd see you again / I will be back one day and I'll find you

19. From Eden. Hozier

There's something tragic about you / Something so magic about you / Don't you agree? You're familiar like my mirror years ago / Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword / Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me I should know / I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

20. Solitaire. Marina and the Diamonds

Hard like a rock, cold like stone / White like a diamond, black like coal / Cut like a jewel, yeah I repair myself / When you're not there And all the other jewels around me / They astounded me at first / I covered up my heart in boundaries / And all the fakes they called me cursed

21. Stardust. Mika

I could be staring at somebody new / But stuck in my head is a picture of you / You are the thunder, I was the rain / I wanna know if I'll see you again

22. You Hurt the Ones You Love (I Don’t Believe That). Maria Mena (On the subject of “I’ll mercilessly experiment on everyone except Elmer”)

How can you expect more of me? / I come from chaos / Brought up in tragedy But I don’t believe that / I don’t believe that / You hurt the ones you love

23. Stall Me. Panic! at the Disco

I had a rosy dream / You gave up on you / And I gave up on me / Well, love came along and said, “Leave them be.” Hold on death, the moon / The star’s a sliver of you

24. I Found. Amber Run (I think this song was maybe literally written about Huey and Elmer)

And I'll use you as a focal point / So I don't lose sight of what I want / And I've moved further than I thought I could / But I missed you more than I thought I would

25. Should Have Known Better. Sufjan Stevens

I should have wrote a letter / And grieve what I happen to grieve / My black shroud / I never trust my feelings / I waited for the remedy

26. King. Lauren Aquilina

There's method in my madness / There's no logic in your sadness / You don't gain a single thing from misery / Take it from me

27. Drops of Jupiter. Train (obligatory ‘estranged friends’ song)

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star / One without a permanent scar? / And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

28. Old Stone. Laura Marling

Old stone / Ten thousand years and you're still on your own / Don't you love / Don't you love me that way? And if you swear that you're alright / I'm not gonna try and change your mind.

29. Skin and Bones. Motion City Soundtrack

What if there's nothing more to me? / I'm just skin and bones. / There's no mystery. / What if you're just an empty shell? / All your spare parts were used up by someone else.

30. Hardest of Hearts. Florence + the Machine

There is love in your body but you can't get it out / It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth / Sticks to your tongue and shows on your face / That the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste

31. New Perspective. Panic! at the Disco (Elmer ‘let’s destroy the world together and make a happier one’ C. Albatross)

I wanna live a life from a new perspective / You come along because I love your face / And I'll admire your expensive taste / And who cares divine intervention / I wanna be praised from a new perspective It's not fair, just let me perfect it / Don't wanna live a life that was comprehensive / 'Cause seeing clear would be a bad idea

32. Mercy of the Fallen. Dar Williams (hmmmm look at all that star imagery. this is so Huey’s perspective on Elmer)

Oh my fair North Star / I have held to you so dearly / I have asked you to steer me / To one cloud scattered night And the mercy of the fallen / Who say, hey, it's not my place to know what's right There's the weak and the strong / And the many stars that guide us / We have some of them inside us

#they look happy on that cover image but this isn't actually a super happy playlist #baccano!#huey laforet #elmer c. albatross #a couple of these were on my mask maker playlist #but that playlist is shot now #so that doesn't really matter #;music

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todokori-kun · 8 years ago

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(Ok, so I wrote out this super-long message but wifi died when I was submitting it. Tumblr told me I’d lost connection so I’m pretty sure it didn’t reach you.

If it somehow did, though…sorry for sending in another one OTL And sorry this keeps happening, my computer is being really weird ^^;;)

Tysm ;-; I’m glad I’m not annoying you or anything :D Queen Luna is honestly one of my favorite people to talk to as well, though. Thanks for being so amazing and supportive <3

Yep. Ishida’s Back.

I’m honestly not too sure how I feel about this pregnancy though. On one hand, since I never really cared too much about Touka I don’t think I’m going to have a hard time caring for this kid, even if they ARE also Kaneki’s child. I also think this wasn’t really necessary and I don’t want drama between Touken and other ghouls over the child- I want the plot to move forward and to get some questions answered…

However, it is really interesting how this parallels with other parents throughout TG’s story. Touken right now reflects the Yoshimura-Ukina-Eto dynamic, and I’m pretty sure the Touken child is meant to connect to Eto.

See, what I’m thinking about is that TG’s parents have a history of abandoning their children in favor of their ideals, even if they don’t always mean to do so. We have Mado, who was blinded by his black-and-white worldview and ended up dead, Arata, who sacrificed so much for his children that in the end he couldn’t even stay with them, Yoshimura, who left his daughter behind to create Anteiku (no matter if he meant well, it still affected Eto in a negative way and Yoshimura’s actions could be seen as partially selfish; he never considered how Eto would feel about this situation, after all), Kaneki’s mother, who was unable to choose between her child and her sister, and Kaneki himself could also count, having completely abandoned the Qs the moment Arima and Eto gave him the title of ‘One-eyed King’.

The only non-background-character who was actually a good parent is Shachi, I think.

So the question is: will Touken (Kaneki really, Touka seems to have made up her mind completely about this) be able to break this cycle? Will Kaneki choose his child like he wanted his mother to choose him over his aunt? Or will this child become motivation for him? (he’s never been the best candidate for the OEK after all, and he basically admitted to Amon and Seidou that he’s seriously depressed and just doesn’t care)

I’m also curious: pregnancies take a few months, y'know. I sincerely hope there won’t be a time skip. Or a miscarriage, because not only would that be too much for Kaneki and Touka, it would also be bad for the plot (why make Touka pregnant in the first place then?). Maybe the baby will be born in an epilogue or the last chapter. Maybe Kaneki and Touka will die, this kid will become the new OEK and Ishida will make a third TG series. Idk.

Wow, I didn’t intend to make such a long rant ^^;;

I think Thor’s new hairstyle looks cool (sorry Queen Luna) but yeah, it does also look a bit weird on him. Like, now I can’t look at him and think 'oh that’s the god of thunder’, I just think of Chris Hemsworth lol

That typo tho 'Nat and Clit’

Even after all that’s happened in canon, I still feel like Blackhawk have a deep bond and understand each other in a way the rest of the team can’t.

I feel like the fact that Sharon is Peggy’s niece alone makes it a 'NO’ ship XD the lack of development for both the relationship and Sharon as a character just added to that.

As for Loki…ah, well. If he wasn't such a jerk he wouldn’t be Loki.

Oh that sounds really cool :D And well, like I said above. It’s Loki. What can you do.

Haha, thanks ^^ I was obsessed with Bucky’s costume for a while after Winter Soldier. I literally had never heard of Captain America up until then so I didn’t even care about him (sorry Steve…do you still ship me with him? lol). I might actually have had a crush on Bucky at the time. Idk. I was nine(?).

I will drag you into Remember This Cold hell no matter what. It is my MISSION. I WILL make you have feels about Loki’s kitty (Steve got him a cat because he thought he might be lonely). I WILL make you sob over Loki’s redemption arc and his reaction when anyone dares to lay a finger on Steve (SPOILER: when he thinks Steve is dead he teams up with Bucky and absolutely destroys Hydra. When he and Steve are captured and tortured for information he threatens to cut open his own veins and summon a beast with the blood to destroy them all…he’s completely serious about that. One of the major things Steve has to help him with is how he gets desperate and suicidal whenever he thinks he might lose Steve).

Oh, so you won’t talk about Kanae, huh?

With my short existence, I can make a difference- I can be there for him, I can be his knight

Imagine this is Matsumae teaching Kanae about kagune usage and what it means to be a servant of the Tsukiyama family. For bonus angst, imagine that the slip-ups ('do it for her- that is to say, you do it for him’) are Matsumae talking about the late Mrs. Tsukiyama (HC that Matsumae was around when Shuu’s mom was alive, though I guess that’s unlikely considering her age…shush. Just ignore it for the angst.)

Kanae singing the 'I love you’ part from If I Could Tell Her as they fall off the building

Kanae singing 'But what you do when there’s this great divide? And what do you do when the distance is too wide?’ when Shuu is ill

'I wondered how you learned to dance like all the rest of the world isn’t there’ and 'There’s nothing like your smile, sort of subtle and perfect and real. You never knew how wonderful that smile could make someone feel’ as they remember their memories with Shuu as a child.

'I love him, but every day I’m learning- all my life, I’ve only been pretending’ from On my Own when Eto is torturing Kanae

And then most of 'It’s Over, Isn’t It’ is from Kanae to Sasaki/Kaneki, of course, but then imagine that the chorus ('And she chose you, and she loved you, and she’s gone- it’s over, isn’t it? Why can’t I move on?’) is like a duet between Kanae and Shuu. Kanae’s pining over Shuu, of course, but Shuu’s POV is after Kanae’s death (referring to himself as 'you’).

Hope you liked this :)

But wait, if you knew all of Urie’s songs, that means you know Still Sane…does this mean you’re a Lorde fan? Because I thought Still Sane was one of her lesser-known songs. I’m obsessed with Lorde’s music, so…

And I’m also a fan of Fall out Boy and Marina and the Diamonds. It'd be cool if you listen to them as well :D

Seriously?! Because blue is my favorite color…wow!

I haven’t watched FMA but I know quite a bit about it (the Roy rain jokes are the best lol)…we actually talked on your FMA blog once ^^ And I’m excited to hear about any of Queen Luna’s OCs! I’m sure they’re all amazing :D (hahaha, I can relate about embarrassing old OCs. I can’t think of any right now but I know I have some). I’ll send you a little info about my OCs in a seperate submission, since this one seems to be getting a little long (though I can’t be sure) ^^;;

Oh, all four of those are lovely! I feel like the girl with the yellow hat (top row, left) has the most icon-ish look, if that makes sense? She also reminds of Queen Luna a little bit, idk why XD but that’s just my opinion, all four of those characters would make beautiful icons <3

Yep, your internet did die ^^;; This is the only thing I got from you... So no worries about spamming me ^^

Aww *hugs* I love talking to you a lot, a lot! So if you ever need anything, I’m here ^^ (I’d add gifs, but internet is slow).

The pregnancy is as out of place as that chapter (once again avoiding pervy words hahah). But... if Kaneki’s a ghoul (halfway) and Touka is a full ghoul, why does the baby need human food? I’m gonna assume Kaneki is the dad because I don’t want to think about the other options.

I, too, think that the ghoul eating human food/human eating ghoul food for the baby to survive is a parallel for Eto, but we all know how that ended, so idk how i feel about it. Maybe the baby will be a cute and healthy kid who’ll live a nice childhood? Hopefully? Pls let me hope.

Maybe Eto’ll adopt the baby since she knows the feeling of being abandoned and will give it a nice, happy childhood? HOPEFULLY???

Honestly, I don’t remember who Shachi is, so...

*gasp* you wound me... How could you like that hideousness that is the hair (or lack of it). Jk, you’re free to like what you want ^^ I mean, it’s not that bad I guess... I just liked the old version a bit more. A lot more.

So much for avoiding risqué words.

I think their bond is mostly platonic? I mean, if Clint wasn’t married and didn’t have tons of babies, I’d assume there was more, but this way, I’d like to think it’s more of a brother-sister relationship. Why am I getting Love, Rosie flashbacks ;-;

Don’t tell me Sharon’s another Jane, this time with even less character -.-

I guess I’ll just avoid Civil War as long as possible :))

AS FOR KANAE

That’s my feeling about everything.

Well, my music taste isn’t quite definable by ‘likes this artist’ or anything, because it’s mostly a ‘I’m browsing youtube and I like this song, so i’ll download it’ one. So Still Sane just happens to be there. As for Fallout Boy and Marina, I do have quite a lot of their songs there ^^ But, generally speaking, most of my songs that aren’t idol songs ?uncomfortable cough* tend to go in the rock direction. Sometimes remixes and sometimes songs no one ever heard about, like Texas by Magic Man or Change My Life from Ashes Remain. Also, Holy by Zolita, although I mostly like that song because it’s so different from most songs nowadays. It’s a bit weird, though.

I really, really want to see all your OCs, especially the TG one that suffers a lot :))

Oh god, here’s my most embarrassing one, the FMA one:

Kk, her name’s Arya, she’s an alchemist (of course) and depending on how I felt at the moment, she was either shipped with Roy or Ed. Most of the time, it was Roy, so the info I wrote down was based on that. Is the cliche ‘sarcastic, but actually a huge softie’ character with right about 0 character flaws, other than being stubborn (’But it also helps when she’s suspicious about the homonculi!’). Now, this isn’t so bad. But here’s the best part. She has a stepdad (bc no oc can have a normal, fully functioning family) that tried to ‘merge her with a wolf, giving her enhanced senses and strength and making her hair white + eyes purple’. I still cringe when I think about her. Literal nightmares.

Then we have a soul eater one, where the girl is both a meister and a weapon (which is, by the way, impossible by the laws of that universe, since the souls of the two types differ greatly) AND a witch to top it off.

Thankfully, I never went too far with the looks, the white hair + purple eyes was as far as I went, but I knew to change it to normal (or try to make an excuse *coughwolfcough* if the universe was one where the colours were mostly normal. And I never gave them DDD+ boobies.

As for the newer ones, I don’t have many, but from the fandoms we share, I have 1 for YoI and 1 for MCU (this one was created yesterday :P )

The YoI one’s name is Nara and she’s a skater from Detroit, therefore Yuuri and Phichit’s rinkmate. Honestly, she’s not that talented at skating, but she does try to make up for it by practicing a lot. However, she doesn’t magically get better and lands 1st place, she’s content doing her best and just participating in the competitions, since she has a secondary job.

The MCU one’s a bit more mary sueish, but that’s what makes it fun. Kya, her power is ‘manipulating’ animals (well, not manipulating, it’s more along the lines of ‘animals like her and listen to her) and in extreme cases (when she gets very emotional), human manipulation (technically, humans are animals). When she was small, she was experimented on, granting her the powers. However, the faculty was attacked, allowing her to escape. She tried to live a normal life and was actually succeeding, but then Loki attacked New York and lo and behold, she actually managed to do some hero work, so the avengers were like ‘we’re not recruiting you, but you could be useful in the future so we’ll keep an eye on you’. That’s as far as I got, but I do plan on expanding a bit. Also, probably predictable, but Loki is her love interest ^^;;;;;;

Alrighty, seems like that’ll be my icon ^^ I’ll probably change the general colour scheme of the blog, so don’t be surprised if everything’s different the next time you visit :P The name definitely stays the same, though.

As for the ‘she reminds you of me’, you couldn’t be more right ^^;;; In the whole Love Live series, she’s the most similar to me looks wise, but also personality wise. A quiet bookworm who’s fine staying in the library whole day hahah I always cry during her character arc, because I relate waaay too much ;-;

Also, completely random, but I’m listening to ‘Merry Go Round of Life’ from Howl’s Moving Castle as I write this and it would actually make a pretty nice waltz song...

#evans #submission

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