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rwby-redux · 3 years ago

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I was kinda under the impression that Semblances are at least partially opportunistic in nature. Ren gains a Semblance to hide himself and others from Grimm in a situation where he needs to hide himself and Nora from the Grimm. Nora gets a Semblance to absorb electricity when she's struck by lightning. Jaune gets a Semblance that heals when he really needs to save Weiss from bleeding to death.

See, that's what I initially thought, too. And for years now, that's the headcanon I've rolled with—that some characters have Semblances which have nothing to do with their personality, but are instead adaptive reactions to immediate danger. It makes sense, right? Ren's concealed him from Grimm when he had no other recourse than to hide. Nora's allowed her to withstand electrocution from a lightning strike that could have ranged anywhere from 10 million to 120 million volts.

There's just one problem with this assumption: it's only that, an assumption. Nowhere in the canon—not the show, the comics, the manga, the books, the DVD commentaries—literally nowhere does RWBY clearly state that this is a plausible theory. Instead, the audience has to extrapolate that assumption from subtext, and even then, that assumption directly contradicts one of the series’ core tenets—that Semblances are tied to personality.

And as infuriatingly vague as the canon is, it does in fact stand by this:

In World of Remnant, Volume 2, Episode 4: “Aura,” we’re told the following:

“‘Semblance’ is a term used to describe the projection of Aura into a more tangible form. For some this could be the ability to control objects with telekinesis. For others it could mean superhuman strength. The power associated with a wielder's Semblance is completely unique.”

It’s not explicitly stated, but the conclusion we can draw here is that Semblances’ uniqueness is a reflection of their wielders’ uniqueness (or personality, as it were).

For a more definitive answer, though, we need only consult The World of RWBY: The Official Companion (page 39):

A Semblance is a personalized Aura manifestation, akin to a superpower. […] Semblances vary wildly from person to person, but generally reflect the wielder’s personality. An energetic Huntress might unlock superspeed, while an emotionless logician might be able to excel as a human lie detector.

The caveat here is that some people (like the Schnee lineage) can have hereditary Semblances instead. Thus, Semblances (according to the canon) can be lumped into two categories: personality-based and inherited.

But like you said, we have no reason to assume that there isn’t some third factor at play, because we have pretty compelling subtextual evidence via Ren’s and Nora’s circumstances.

In my initial deconstruction of Semblances, I talked about this problem quite extensively. Ren’s explanation to Oscar in V5.E4 only exacerbates the inconsistency because even the characters in-universe can’t seem to agree on an answer. Is it personality? Is it a coincidence? Who the hell knows. Certainly not us.

The canon’s lack of clarity is actually how I developed two of my concepts for the Redux: Auratic plasticity and hierarchical prioritization. In the Redux, there are three categories that Semblances fall under—innate, adaptive, and inherited. Auratic plasticity is the ability of the soul to generate a Semblance based on either an immutable personality trait (innate), a scenario-specific survival method (adaptive), or a “genetic” trait that’s repeatedly selected for due to its inherent fitness (inherited). These three categories are determined by a value called hierarchical prioritization—the soul’s ability to decide what Semblance-trigger takes precedence.

I go into greater depth here, but the short version is that the soul has a preferred or default order for generating Semblances: inherited > innate > adaptive. However, if a person without a Semblance is confronted by an immediate, life-or-death circumstance, then their soul can “override” the order and generate a Semblance tailored to their needs.

A person whose ship capsized out at sea, for example, might generate a hydrokinetic Semblance. Or, if someone is being mugged, and their attacker has a knife, then the victim might spontaneously generate a Semblance that renders their skin hard as steel.

Under this model, Ren’s and Nora’s Semblance now have plausible explanations.

As does another character’s—Qrow.

Consider the circumstances of Qrow’s youth: he not only grew up in the deadly wilds outside the protection of the main cities, [1] [2] but he was also born into a bandit tribe that raided towns and villages.

By the time he was the “perfect age” [3] to enroll at Beacon (presumably his late teens, 17 or so), he was already an extremely competent fighter as the result of his upbringing. He spent the entirety of his childhood and adolescence learning how to fight, and developing the necessary skills to do so.

It makes sense, then, that the constant threat of danger would be enough to cause a small child to develop a Semblance that would tip the odds of survival in their favor. A way to disadvantage an older or more skilled opponent in a fight, and give that child an increased chance of living to see another day.

That, to me, is a much better explanation for Qrow’s Semblance than simply saying that his personality brings misfortune.

[1] World of Remnant, Volume 4, Episode 5: “Between Kingdoms.” Qrow: “You might ask: With the wilderness being so dangerous, why not just live in the big cities?”

[2] Volume 2, Episode 2: “Welcome to Beacon.” Blake: “I was raised outside the kingdoms. If you can't fight, you can't survive.”

[3] Volume 5, Episode 6: “Known by Its Song.” Raven: “The entrance exams were child's play compared to what we'd already been through.”

On a side note, I went on the RWBY Wiki to fact-check something, and ran into this passage:

Some Semblances can also be unlocked by certain external phenomenon, such as Nora who unlocked hers when she was struck by a lightning bolt. Neptune's Semblance could also be another possible example of this unlocking method as he was thrown into the ocean by his brother Jupiter, though this remains unclear if it was either direct contact with the water or simply being shocked from suddenly being thrown into it is what resulted his Semblance to be unlocked.

Rather tellingly, the wiki uses these as examples of Semblances being tailored to life-or-death scenarios, but doesn’t provide any sources which explicitly state that those were the underlying causes. Without a definitive, authoritative source, these are correlation, not causation.

#asks #anon #i speak #semblances #lie ren #nora valkyrie #qrow branwen #the canon is an incoherent mess rife with contradictions and inconsistencies that change on a whim to suit the writers' needs #i should know #i've spent the last year and a half picking over the franchise like a vulture picking the bones on a skeleton clean #and let me tell you #they both leave a bad taste in the mouth #meta content #semblance meta #semblance meta asks

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x0401x · 5 years ago

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Why do you think the writers of the Tsurune anime decided to tone down masamina and outright cut out kaisei while pushing for sei/mina instead? It's just so baffling to me why they would alter the canon content from the novels so much. Like, what was even the point?

I’ve answered this question quite a few times before, but I’m not sure if I’ve ever made the point entirely clear, so here we go one last time. Sorry that it turned out so long.

So, in novels and manga or any written medium, creators normally have more freedom to do what they want, but when it comes to TV series, animators have been developing the habit of toning down whatever they can. Most of them have this conviction that the viewers only want to watch calm and relaxing stuff nowadays. Other than this, we get adaptations of popular works that basically exist to promote the source material, most of which rush up towards the end like crazy. It does seem like the Japanese audience has an obsession with comfort animes now, since life in Japan gets more and more stressful with each passing year, but it’s not like they’ve abandoned other genres. This general belief that creators should water down the contents however they can is pretty much destroying the industry, and it’s probably what the animators of Tsurune had in mind when changing the novel’s events into a much less dramatic versions or just cutting them off. That’s issue number 1 with the anime.

Issue number 2 is that animators of adaptations tend to ignore the reader demographic in favor of making the series neutral to please all audiences lately. But that’s only when the majority of the readers are women and girls. If it’s guys, you’d rarely see alterations. It feels like the general conception is that making the contents less “cringy” for men means more people will be watching it and having a positive opinion. It seems to completely slip the staff’s minds that the fans they disappoint mostly won’t feel willing to buy the DVDs or merchandise. This is where most of these adaptations fall flat, by the way. It’s kind of really obvious to me that these series are more prone to succeeding if the studios animate what the readers fell in love with, because the originals are popular for a reason, and it’s that people liked them the way they were. I think it’s only the expected when readers are disappointed not to see animes live up to the expectations, and that whoever picks the source material will feel the difference as well. Still, if the anime isn’t a BL, there’s this unsaid rule that you can’t show too much gay between male characters unless you have an excuse for it. Normally, nakama power and rivalry is what does the trick. I don’t think I need to mention that this is the standard in sports animes.

In the Tsurune novel, most of the gay doesn’t have an excuse. Of course, it’s not officially gay unless canon states it, but the books not only don’t give any justification for it, they get rid of possible justifications, so while you can’t say it’s not fanservice, you can’t label it as just fanservice, either. For a studio that banks off fanservice like KyoAni, that’s a problem, especially since the novel is packed with heavy scenes and even heavier quotes.

I mean, in Masaki and Minato’s case, they don’t have the nakama power or rivalry elements, so one possible excuse for them being so close would be that they’re master and disciple. But Minato makes it clear quite early in the story that Masaki doesn’t have to be his master because just having Masaki’s company is enough for him, and all in all, the two of them have a much more affectionate relationship than the other teacher-student ones from the books. Another excuse would be the found family dynamics, but Masaki already shares that with Kaito, who canonically sees Masaki as the older brother he never had, and their relationship is unlike Masaki and Minato’s as well. Kaito also has a monologue in volume 2 about Masaki treating Minato differently from everyone else in the club, and the way he describes it denotes that Minato is Masaki’s favorite, and that Masaki doesn’t bother hiding it. Just as a cherry on top, Minato often loses his rationality when it comes to Masaki despite being a serious kid, and he’s very verbal about wanting to monopolize Masaki. Add fate to the mix and you have the perfect recipe for anything except an ordinary mentor-pupil relationship.

As for Kaito and Seiya, there was a lot going on between them since the beginning, but the nakama power excuse only starts applying late in volume 1, because they didn’t get along very well at first. And even then the nakama stuff hardly applies to their interactions, where Seiya often acts like Kaito has a thing for him, for no reason other than Kaito’s reactions being amusing. Their relationship also does some big strides in the middle of volume 1, and Seiya literally migrates to Kaito’s side at some point. They don’t seem to have a friendship as strong as the one between Seiya, Minato and Ryouhei, but it’s Kaito who Seiya interacts with the most in volume 2 and he’s also the one that Seiya leans on whenever he needs any sort of assistance. There’s other unexplainable things here and there, such as Seiya taking a peek at Kaito’s sleeping face when it’s just the two of them in the room, or him implying that Kaito is jealous of the motherly attention he gives Minato. It goes on as far as the novel does. There’s literally no scene with the two of them that doesn’t make it look like Kaito is really into Seiya and that Seiya owns his ass but he’s the last one to know.

Back to the main point, it’s really hard to animate all of this without giving people “ideas”. For KyoAni, any gay exists ultimately for the sake of fetishization, and they often follow the “ship whatever you want, even yourself with the characters” model. If being gay is canonically a character trait in the original, it’s out (Violet Evergarden is probably the best example of that one), and if the gay can’t be interpreted as something else, it’s either out or downplayed. In Seiya and Minato’s case, that’s perfectly feasible. Not only are they best friends, they also have a familial relationship where Seiya treats Minato like a son. Minato has sworn eternal friendship to Seiya in the novel, and both he and Kaito describe Seiya as something like a helicopter parent. There’s more than enough counter-argument to remind the viewers that, whatever happens between Minato and Seiya, it’s all a product of their childhood friend bond. Anyone is free to interpret it differently in fanon, but the viewers (at least the Japanese ones) are ultimately aware that the anime is in its “safe zone”, portraying a friendship. Nobody on the Japanese side of the fandom actually believed that there was romance going on in it. On the other hand, if you search in Japanese for people’s impressions of MasaMina, you’ll notice people often saying that the novel makes you wonder if Minato and Masaki aren’t actually dating, or if Minato doesn’t have a puppy crush on Masaki, at the very least. Basically, everyone seems to agree that what goes on between those two is hard to define, but whatever it is, there’s this very particular, “special” air about them that differs from the rest of the characters, which normally manifests when they’re alone together.

As you can tell, this overall view is the opposite of the animators’ ideal. If the novel had been animated the way it is, it would’ve probably felt like a BL for the people watching. Not only does it come with practically set ships, it also doesn’t give much space for the proverbial “ship even yourself with the characters” option. To put it bluntly, the animation went through those changes so that it could fit the mold. It gave us SeiMina and even some NanaKai (the latter being honestly disturbing, since they’re cousins), while either toning down or erasing the rest of the duo and trio interactions. It made Minato’s accident with his mom actually seem like Seiya’s fault and didn’t really take the burden off his shoulders but instead swept it under the rug. It also made Masaki seem like a two-faced bastard who only became a coach for the sake of revenge, which means he was using his students (actual 15/16-year-olds) for his own personal gains. Shuu and Minato’s friendship went down the drain, Ryouhei was pushed aside as if Seiya was Minato’s only childhood friend, Nanao was never depicted as his own person, and the girls didn’t even exist 90% of the time. So yeah, none of the changes served any good purpose for the characters’ images. All it did was (try to) fill a quota.

Personally, this whole thing feels like we’re being told to the face, “we’ve given you what you want, now give us your money”. It brings me back to interviews I’ve read featuring Stars Align director Akane Kazuki and his statements about the anime industry being in a pinch, specifically because animators nowadays keep trying to make a fool out of the audience for monetary ends. Seems clear to me that the staff thought the female viewers would latch onto anything as long as it looked remotely gay, and that’s why I was so angry back then. Being looked down on like this by people who expect us to consume their media is pretty offensive, in my opinion. I’m glad there’s at least one creator speaking up about this matter and using the exact same arguments as I have been for more than two years now.

#tsurune #tsurune kazemai koukou kyuudoubu #narumiya minato #takigawa masaki #onogi kaito #takehaya seiya #wow i can't believe i'm getting asks about tsurune in 2020

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manifest-streaming-vf · 4 years ago

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La péninsule se déroule quatre ans après Train to Busan, alors que les personnages se battent pour fuir un pays en ruine à la suite d’un désastre sans précédent.

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Au cœur de Los Angeles, une actrice en devenir prénommée Mia sert des cafés entre deux auditions. De son côté, Sebastian, passionné de jazz, joue du piano dans des clubs miteux pour assurer sa subsistance. Tous deux sont bien loin de la vie rêvée à laquelle ils aspirent… Le destin va réunir ces doux rêveurs, mais leur coup de foudre résistera-t-il aux tentations, aux déceptions, et à la vie trépidante d’Hollywood ?

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Manifest marque la fin de la série originale et sortira sur les plateformes numériques aux États-Unis et au Canada le 30 juin 2020. Il devait initialement sortir le 8 juin 2020, mais a été retardé

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whumpgalore · 5 years ago

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New to tumblr so apologies if this isn't how to ask a long question, but I've numbered the sections of my question so you can hopefully follow along - 1 - I just wanted to reach out to thank you for creating this blog. I only just discovered the term whump and this blog and community have helped clarify so much about myself I never really wanted to confront. For as long as I could remember I've been obsessed with this and always believed on some level I must be a psychopath to derive pleasure

2 - from watching people (specifically attractive men….) get hurt in increasingly specific situations. It’s so strange to have a word to put to this at last, and the last few days have almost felt like a hallucination, as I read other posters describe feelings and situations that are so similar to my own they could have come straight from my brain. I’d always known there were some serial killers that got off on hurting people, but I knew that wasn’t quite what I was experiencing.

3 - I could never feel anything other than disgust when it came to people getting hurt in real life, but as soon as it was behind the safety barrier of fictionalization anything was fair game. That is, the thought of even giving someone a papercut in real life made me feel horrible, but some attractive character in a tv show getting stabbed or shot was the best part of any series. Like many other posters I had informal collections of whump, and a little dvd case with chapter numbers memorized of

4 - the best movie scenes to watch to get my fix. One benefit of this odd attraction is that it’s easier to hide than a purely sexual one, as I wasn’t watching phoebe cates step out of a pool over and over again and risking my parents stepping in at the wrong moment, but was instead watching The Matrix for the 20th time or fast forwarding to all the Mr. Orange scenes in Reservoir Dogs. If this is turning into a therapy session I apologize, it just feels so strange to know that there are other

5 - people who understand this deep dark secret I’ve had since I was a child. My question is, do you or anyone else who read this blog have a physical sensation when watching a whump filled scene? It’s not really sexual, but I feel a very distinct sensation in my stomach, and it’s this sensation that I’m chasing by watching whump. When a scene is fresh this sensation is strongest, but there are diminishing returns over time if that makes sense. Just curious how it manifests in other people!

_______________________________________________________________________

Hello, hello!

First of all, as all my replies begin, I apologize for the ridiculous amount of time it took me to respond to this. Partly because I’ve been so absurdly busy, I haven’t had much time to devote to this blog - and partly because answering a question with this much weight intimidated me… haha.

Secondly (which perhaps I should’ve mentioned first - little P&P reference there for all you nerds aka me), welcome welcome welcome to the whump community!! This is the freakin’ best community in the world. I have no doubt about that whatsoever. The people here are the most welcoming, warm, understanding and open people I have ever “met”, and it absolutely makes my day to interact with any of them. We’re all free to be us here, no matter what kind of whump we like, how long we’ve liked whump, or why we like whump! It’s a community that has been built on our mutual love for whump - and has expanded into so much more. Okay, I’m done. But seriously. This is the best place to be. ;)

And BOY OH BOY. I feel like we all experienced these same feelings you expressed - in one degree of intensity or another - before discovering that there actually were other people out there who felt the same way and liked the same things that we felt shame for growing up! There’s nothing quite like that feeling of discovering that you’re not alone! Best. Feeling. EVER.

I know, speaking for myself, thinking I was a serial killer, sadistic, sick etc never really crossed my mind, because I knew me, and knew that that was not me in any way. Like you mentioned, seeing people injured in real life is terrible. I can’t stand it. (I decided not to go into nursing for that very reason. Blood etc doesn’t bother me, but I’m too empathetic, I couldn’t handle the emotional side of it.)

I’ve eventually discovered that most of my guilt / worry / unease came from the fear that other people would find out about my “obsession” (and it is an obsession, lol) with whump - and would think I was a serial killer, sick or something like that. I’m still very guarded about that in real life - because, for the most part, unless you’re a whumper yourself, there’s no way people would understand a whumper and what makes them tick. They just wouldn’t. I don’t think we quite understand ourselves in that way, haha.

And the cool thing about this community is that we have “kink” whumpers here - where their favorite kind of whump is sexual, non-con, bondage, etc - and we have “non-kink” whumpers (like myself) where there is nothing sexual about whump whatsoever. We also have whumpers that like the “hurt” side of h/c more than the “comfort”, and some (like myself) who prefer the “comfort” / aftercare aspect over the actual whump itself.

There is no scientific explanation (as of yet) that can explain why we like whump… and what makes us like different parts of whump / whumpees / situations, and what makes them our favorites! But, to answer your question, I think the majority of us have experienced that sensation in the pit of our stomach that feels like butterflies on an extreme level… we have dubbed them “whumperflies”. ;)

You described the whumperfly sensation perfectly! I find that the first time I watch some really good whump, the whumperflies are most active. That flutter in the pit of your stomach… I have no idea what that is, what it’s from or why we get it. Lol. (Gosh, this sounds hilarious. Whumperflies. I flipping love it, haha.) If I come right back to the whump scene, they’re not quite as active, but if I come back a few months later and watch a favorite whump scene again, they’re back to their full activity.

Is this what everyone else has experienced? I’d definitely be curious myself to hear how the “whumperflies” act with each individual whumper. ;D

Anyway. Anyone who knows me knows that I can’t keep an answer simple, and absolutely must write a complete novel and ramble when presented with asks like this. I hope this was somewhat helpful to you - hopefully, you will see this! - and you are always welcome to message me with any questions / comments / recommendations, etc… or just to chat! I’m always here. (Even if it does take me 2 years to respond to questions #oops)

Anyone else have anything to add on this topic? I’d love to hear some other thoughts on the matter. :)

-WG

#anon #asks #whump community #long post

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okayto · 5 years ago

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Mini Review: Charlotte

A 13-episode series where a small percentage of children manifest superpowers upon reaching puberty. Yuu Otosaka, a high school boy with the ability to temporarily possess others, uses his ability to cheat on tests and coast through school until he’s recruited to the student council of a school founded as a haven for children with abilities.

So, all I knew about this 2015 series going in was that it was 1 season, and I wasn’t looking for a long-term commitment. And the first episode wasn’t great--Yuu wasn’t a particularly likable character--he used his ability to look at other students’ exams during tests, and to get together with his crush. At his point, I was like, ugh, just let me see a couple other students with powers and then I’ll find a new show.

Surprisingly, for the next several episodes I really liked it. Yuu gets strong-armed into attending a school for kids with powers, and we get several episodes of minor adventures and humor.

Yuu gets more likable, and the other characters that show up, while initially seeming pretty one-note, get more depth. There’s a good mix of humor and story without it being plain wacky.

And we’re cool for 6 episodes, and I’m feeling good!

and then

OH HI EMOTIONS ABOUT FICTIONAL CHARACTERS THAT LEAVE ME FLAILING ON THE COUCH

There is no way to talk about the second half of the series in any kind of detail without spoiling things, but suffice to say that 1) it’s still good and 2) we get some good backstory and explanations although 3) you could probably find plot holes if you wanted because they’re trying to cram a lot into a short span and 4) now I’m having more feelings

but also, so much happens that you’re left kinda feeling like

Verdict

English dub? Yes

Visuals: It’s fine, pretty standard, kinda moe. Lots of colors--it’s nice not to need to adjust the screen a lot.

Worth watching? Yes! It’s complete at 13 episodes and no cliffhangers. Like I said, it’s easy afterwards to pick out...a lot of plot holes or things they just kinda gloss over, presumably because they’re trying to fit so much in, but I still think it was enjoyable.

Where to watch (USA): Hulu (sub and dub), Crunchroll (sub only), blu-ray/DVD (going out of print soon)

#first half you think you're getting a fun superpowered slice-of-life comedy and then BAM you're crying on your couch and then BAM more feels #reviews #recommendation #anime #Charlotte #yuu otosaka #nao tomori

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mojoflower · 6 years ago

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Teen Wolf mpreg fic recs (99% Sterek, 1% Steter)

I know that you love me, even when I lose my head by LunaCanisLupus 22 E, 136k, Complete. “We’re not mates, Cora,” he insists. “I mean look at him-“ // “Ouch,” the kid says, no longer pushing that shit eating grin. // “He’s- he’s,” Derek tries, at a loss of how to explain why this can’t be possible. Why it shouldn’t be possible. // Or the one where Derek gets attacked by hunters, ends up with amnesia and forgets Stiles is his mate.

Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Stiles, Alpha Derek, but Stiles is a BAMF, BAMF Stiles, presumably Actual Derek is also a bamf, but College Derek is pretty useless, Heh heh

Wow, this story just grabbed me and didn't let me go and now it's the end of a full day and I have no excuse for abandoning everything except that I was really involved and enjoying the plot. // Stiles is such a fucking badass, I love this, he's super-smart and strategizes and handles everything that comes up like a pro and it's totally easy to see why they have such a large and powerful pack. 'College Derek', meanwhile, is a complete sexist asshole (with the whole Alpha/omega thing) who says some super hurtful things in the first half out of sheer ignorance mostly -- although occasionally it's spite. Stiles handles it as well as he can, trying to hide that it hurts and striking back because he has backbone for god's sake... but his bondmark is slowly fading and that's terrifying and tragic. // Meanwhile, the Silva pack is due to arrive with some manifest bad intentions, and Peter is lurking around stirring up trouble, and it's a really fucking bad time for Derek to not remember who he is, because it makes their pack vulnerable. // Great story.

The Lighthouse Keeper by tugela54 E, 75k, Complete. On a rural island just off Alaska’s northern Inside Passage, stands a centuries old lighthouse - the perfect sanctuary for its keeper to hide when the moon is full, to burn and rage through its cycle with the townsfolk being none the wiser. // But then a new resident comes to Beacon Harbour – a bright-eyed young student chasing an elusive whale species – and all of a sudden those thick stone walls seem paper thin…

Bottom Stiles, Like Whoa,

Whoa, that was an intense climax, I'm kinda breathless. Great story. Stiles is earnest and funny (and sooo hot for the giant, hairy, handsome man -- when author says size difference they are not messing around and it's mentioned frequently) and Derek is monosyllabic and awkward. They figure it out eventually, and there is hot sex (did I say size difference and hirsuteness?). Laura's a great werewolf-sister (Derek is the only werewolf) and her son Seth is a cutie. The cast of characters (Chris, Jordon, Finstock, Angus, Gladys and the two First People Miriam and Jonah) are interesting and fleshed-out. Love the plot, and the take on Derek's werewolf (not Teen Wolf style), love the First People lore and rituals, love the setting waaay up in Alaska on this tiny island. // (Don't let Major Character Death tag scare you, you're gonna be just fine.)

Hey Lover, I Got a Sugarcane by pibroch (littleblackdog) Steter, E, 17k, Complete. [References to Mpreg rather than straight-up #mpreg] “Put Peter on the phone,” Stiles says, too sharp to be polite. // “What?” Derek sounds completely thrown. “Stiles, I don’t think— Okay, you’re obviously not understanding what’s happening here. Peter isn’t talking. He’s basically just growling at this point, and he’s rounding on anyone that gets too close. He actually bit me when I tried to take back my pillow. I nearly lost a thumb.” // “Derek.” The reality of this shitshow of a situation is finally kicking in, undeniably, and Stiles needs to hear Peter’s voice. “Just trust the omega, okay? Tell him it’s me, and give him the damn phone.” // ---"Wrangling Rut-Drunk Alpha Boyfriends 101" by Stiles Stilinski, omega and responsible adult person.

I've loved other things I've read by this author

Delicious. And also funny.

I've Got A Sure Thing by skoosiepants T, 11k, Complete. Stiles's water breaks ten miles outside of Beacon Hills.

Fox Stiles, Werefox Stiles, Daddy Stiles

Precious: I love the style, it tumbles and tumbles over itself. Stiles is himself. Derek keeps hanging around, and he loves little Princess Leia. Cora keeps laughing at them. Stiles might be a little confused.

******

He calls Derek and says, “I think your entire family is here, dude,” and Derek roars, “What?” and, “Don't call me dude, “ and, “Fuck, I'll be right over.”

Derek shows up in his EMT uniform and with his partner Boyd, stoic and amused, and the wild look in Derek's eyes is probably as close to a panic as Stiles will ever see him in.

Derek says, “Oh my god, Laura,” and grabs for Prin just as Prin launches herself out of Laura's arms toward him. He swings her up in a practiced movement and settles her on his hip and Laura grins so wide her fangs are showing.

“The pack wanted to meet her, even Mom's here,” she says, gesturing toward a big black wolf that looks almost exactly like Derek in wolf form – the wolf lifts her head and sneezes at them, then goes back to nosing through Stiles's DVD collection.

“Mom,” Derek says, and holds Prin up so she hides his face. Prin tugs at his hair and knees him in the eye and giggles when he shoves her up so her tummy is balanced on the top of his head, it's so cute Stiles can hardly stand it, his life is insane.

“Okay,” Stiles says, clapping his hands together, “I'll make tea.”

I don't think that means what you think it means by ThroughTheTulips M, 21k, 7 works, Complete. Ever notice how aliens have mostly similar customs to humans in Stargate? There never seem to be words or concepts that just don't translate. For the most part that makes sense given how they were spread deliberately across the universe, but there should be more weird stuff. // So I made some. This is very fluffy and ridiculous. Enjoy.

I simply can't with this. What an unanticipated, hysterical delight.

I Know Where Babies Come From, Derek by DiscontentedWinter E, 52k, Complete (series is 132k of deliciousness) [Implied Mpreg, rather than actual #mpreg]. Stiles finds a baby on the porch. // It looks exactly like him. // Well, this is awkward.

Favorite, read again, still a favorite

Funny and unique and gripping (and there's one part that's simply fucking heartbreaking, god every.time. I bawl like a baby). I love this so much. It's totally one of my return-again-and-again-comfort-fics (even though there's very little that's slow-paced and domestic about it).

monday i can fall apart but by friday i'm in love by tryslora M, 6k, Complete. It's just past five in the morning and Stiles is barely awake, wearing only sleep pants that hang low below his pregnant belly, and he can't get the damned brand new jar of decaf coffee open. But he has a neighbor, and he's too tired to think that waking someone else up at this hour might not be the best (or politest) of ideas.

Alpha Derek, Omega Stiles, Caretaking,

lol. short and funny and sweet and Alpha!Derek is a caretaker (and pregnant omega!Stiles is a sass-spewing dork)

finger on the trigger and all fired up by tryslora E, 6k, Complete [Implied Potential Mpreg rather than #mpreg]. Derek goes undercover to expose a drug trafficking ring running inside of a porn studio. What he finds is Stiles.

Hot and funny.

I'm Not Immune by moodwriter E, 24k, Complete. “Did they inject anything into you? You can hold me back. You can stop me. I can’t stop you.” Stiles is in full blown panic mode now. // The one where Stiles and Derek get kidnapped, and sex needs to happen for reasons.

Great story, grows as it's written. Follows a lot of emotional development, tangled in the godawfulfucking situation they're trapped in.

Fire, Fury, and Flame by IAmAVeronica E, 125k, Complete. Stiles Stilinski was never going to be the omega who got knocked up right after high school, and then he's accidentally artificially inseminated with a stranger's sperm. // Awesome. // And the father of Stiles's baby just so happens to be Derek Hale. Half-feral, quite possibly a murderer, and pursued by a gleefully sadistic band of hunters who are only too eager to use Stiles and his baby to hit Derek right where it hurts. // Joy.

Omega Stiles, Alpha Derek, Mpreg, Kidnapping, Stalking, cultural ramifications of a/b/o

So, Stiles, the omega-rights activist who never wants anything to do with an Alpha and wants to avoid any of that biological imperative bullshit, winds up pregnant a la Jane the Virgin. BUT. Derek is unwilling to commit, or even to have Stiles tell anyone who the baby-Daddy is. This could be because a complete psychopath has him in her targets.

Kate is one fuck-scary villain, just, crazy as a bag of cats and vicious with it, and the filth that comes out of her mouth is truly chilling.

Stiles gets kidnapped pretty early on, which is frightening enough, and then she's back for another try. At that point, he's kidnapped again, this time by Derek, who whisks him across the country to the Preserve, a werewolf compound in Maine. Here, Stiles is the only human, pregnant and vulnerable and trying to make a temporary life until the baby is born. But will it only be temporary?

There's love, sociopolitical musings, lots of angst, lots of danger. The baby is born about 3/4 of the way through the story, and then Kate comes around to terrorize everyone again. Even though Derek and Stiles are living in a house that's reinforced with bars and a panic room, she still manages to nearly burn Stiles and the baby…

Rescue Me (& Take Me In Your Arms) by tumtatumtum E, 34k, Complete (series is 37k so far). Just when Stiles is starting to reach panic-attack levels of stress, a leather jacket and firm thigh are pressed right up next to him, and an arm is casually thrown over his shoulder. Stiles looks up to thank this kind person who is saving his life, and suddenly forgets what air is. // Because HOT. DAMN. Call the police and the fire-man, this guy is smoking. // Or the AU where Derek helps save Stiles from an ex, and a steamy BDSM relationship ensues- with feelings all over the place.

Fake/Pretend Relationship, Sub Stiles, Dom Derek

Whoooaa, Nellie. Strap in for a ride, folks. Hot and also hilarious, which is a difficult combo to achieve. Loads of D/s sexy times. Stiles is precious. Derek is possessive and a wee bit insecure. They're awful fun to watch together. ***The one where Stiles is Alpha Mate which magically means he starts leaking slick outta his ass, even tho he's human.

*******

[Kept trying to find this fic using key words bar and boyfriend and ex-boyfriend... which finally got me there. It's SO worth a re-read or ten.] I also tagged it with fake/pretend relationships, since it's fake for about the first 5 minutes, until Derek puts his hand on the back of Stiles' neck and Stiles moans and MELTS and lo, romantic and sexual interest is born.)

It's a mad, mad world by ElisAttack E, 74k, Complete [No #mpreg] "They call him the Feral Wolf." The man laughs hysterically as Stiles backs away from him, fear coursing through his veins. "Feral Hale. Do you know why? Huh?" The man creeps closer, testing the restraint of his chains, white talcum falling from his skin, swirling in the air like the dust devils plaguing the wasteland. "Because he's fucking mad." // Or the one where Stiles is a prisoner looking to return home, but to do so, he may have to rely on a questionable drifter.

Really enjoyed this. Very interesting take on alpha/omega, haven't seen it before. And yay for apocalyptic mad max-type world. Scary as fuck.

a little advice for aspiring fires by The Byger (Byacolate) E, 42k, Complete. Regardless of his sadly lacking social circle, Stiles was going to have to get some physical contact or he was going to explode. Seriously. It’d be messy and Derek would probably become even more emotionally constipated having to clean up little bits of Stiles from his pristine walls and furniture.

Touch-Starved, Skin Hunger, Omega Stiles, Sassy Stiles, stiles talks CONSTANTLY, Mpreg, Kidfic

But We're Still Sleeping Like We're Lovers by CharWright5 E, 110k, Complete [No #mpreg]. There are several things Stiles Stilinski knows to be facts: he's a werecoyote like his parents; his twin sister Malia could use a filter more than him; he's an Omega and terrified of his upcoming heat; and Derek Hale-McCall will never see him as anything more than his kid brother's best friend. Doesn't stop Stiles from asking the Alpha to help him during his heat. Or from developing some serious feelings that go beyond the bedroom. Basically, he's totally screwed, in more ways than one.

Fox Stiles, Creature Stiles, he's not a fox, but when I'm cruising that tag, I'll like to read this story

Idiot boys. Hot sex. More idiot boys. Angst. Fluff.

Jurisdiction by elisera M, 7k, Complete (series complete at 20k). John is a pretty level-headed guy. He wasn’t always, back during his own Sturm und Drang period, but he married a firecracker of a woman and got a kid with an affinity for trouble like he got payed for ending up in it, so someone had to level out or they would’ve ended up living in a treehouse or Lapland doing god knows what. Anyway, getting a hold of his temper is one of John’s better life achievements. It makes him a good sheriff and it kept him from blowing his lid too badly those last two years when Stiles started acting out in a way that John had never seen before. // But the temper is still there. // He’s reminded of it when he comes home on a random Saturday in March after spilling his milkshake all over his uniform shirt only to notice he didn’t have a spare in the station and finds Stiles bend over the kitchen sink with hunched shoulders.

Papa Stilinski is a total badass and mmm mmmm mmmm, so is Derek. Stiles has got some awesome muscle looking out for his best interests.

Into Something New by marguerite_26 E, 9k, Complete. [Implied Mpreg rather than #mpreg]. Something is happening to Stiles. He’s losing time. Something is messing with his head, with his body. Maybe if he felt better he’d think to be worried.

Nowhere Man by 1lostone E, 76k, Complete. [Mpreg (off screen)] When Stiles leaves Beacon Hills, he does it without a backwards glance. For two years he is happy on the other side of the country- until someone targets not only him, but his daughter. // Unfortunately, the asshole bodyguard his dad hired to make sure he gets back home is none other than Derek Hale. And that's really not very good for either of them.

1lostone is, as always, the goddess of the lengthy, painful, disturbing, angsty, violent, sexy story. God, I love it.

The Second Coming (of Werewolf Jesus) by lupinus, uraneia E, 40k, Complete. Stiles was enjoying his senior year until his crazy English teacher decided he made the best candidate to gestate Derek's kid. Now Stiles is a seventeen-year-old pregnant dude and he and Derek have to figure their shit out, because in nine months they are going to be tied together for the rest of their lives.

Sweet: very fluffy and domestic.

Pride and Place by DarkAthena (seraphim_grace) E, 63k, Complete. (Part of series A/B/O bodice rippers) [Mpreg, Discussion of mpreg, no men were pregnant in the making of this fic]. Derek Hale, Earl of Osterbrook, has inherited, following the death of Lord Montfort, a run down house in Yorkshire he neither needs nor wants, convinced his staff are robbing him, and with the mystery of a missing ward, he manages to get himself talked into a ridiculous bet, that he cannot pass as a steward until Midwinter, nearly two months away. So can he maintain the charade? Find the missing child? and manage to turn the shambles of a house around, or will he give up and let Peter take the thousand pounds he bet. // now with explicit epilogue - the rest of the story is teen rated though, so if you don't like the idea of explicit sex in your bodice rippers - just don't read that bit.

Great story.

The Well of Living Waters by kalpurna E, 30k, Complete. King Derek takes a consort.

Within His Power by NoBezel E, 69k, Complete. [Discussion of mpreg] Derek is a wolfish cyborg, brother of the Governor of California, heir to the Hale fortune. Stiles is a un-sequenced human in a world of designer DNA. When Derek is forced to choose a mate, no one expects him to choose Stiles. To be fair, Derek doesn't expect him to say no.

Pretty fucking phenomenal. Lots of world-building and political intrigue. If you're in it for the tropes, you'll be disappointed, but otherwise it's intense and dense and lovely.

The Threat of Human Sacrifice by vampireisthenewblack E, 45k, Complete. The sheriff bought a crib and made Derek help him put it together. Stiles thought of Hemingway and the shortest, most heartbreaking story ever told, and dismantled it on his own while Derek was out. // [The one where Stiles getting knocked up is the least of his worries.]

So excellent and intense.

The Honey and the Sting by the_ragnarok M, 19k, Complete (series still wip) Derek didn't remember what happened when he went into heat. He could only assume the worst. The truth may be stranger than that.

Beautiful.

Tiny Houses by ohmyjetsabel E, 77k, Complete. "So this is what Stiles does. He lies in Scott’s bed and waits for Melissa to say she’s found someone to get it out of him, to cure him of the wrongness and the bad, and he dreams. // God, he dreams. // He dreams of fire and swollen bellies and that scene in Alien, of giving birth to jackals through his urethra, the whole horrific nine yards. His head is a terrible place to be, he can’t imagine his stomach is much better, why anyone would want to put a thing inside of it."

Fuck.

Shifts by gryvon E, 15k, Complete. Stiles has what he's always secretly wanted - he's in a relationship with Derek and he's one of Derek's betas - but all that gets turned upside down when Gerard kidnaps him and his unexpected baby.

Who doesn't want Stiles having emotionally confusing sex with Derek, getting knocked up unbeknownst to either of them, and then kidnapped for the future baby? I mean, really. It's classic.

A Mating Moon by unpossible E, 37k, Complete. (Series 55k so far.) [this is not mpreg, just to be clear] “Hey, Scott, so, I uh, there’s this amazingly hot guy and I’m uh, gonna spend the weekend with him but, you know, just to be careful, I’m sending you his picture, so if by some terrible chance my bloated corpse shows up sometime Monday, just, y’know pass this along to the authorities.” He pauses. “Uh. Kidding?” and then hangs up with a rush of air. // “That is the worst voicemail in the history of voicemails,” Derek says.

fucking fantastic

(Once in a) Blue Moon by clarkoholic, skywardsmiles E, 60k, Complete. (Series 63k so far.) Stiles and Derek are getting along, but they’re not a family, and they’re sure as hell not mates. Christ, they’re basically just two stupid guys who happened to get pregnant because of a full moon and sheer dumb luck.

Oh, the angst, the pining, the guilt, the blame, the anger. Total pain-fest while we watch Stiles nearly die from the burden of the pregnancy. Lovely sweet ending, of course.

Tried and Tested Series by dancinbutterfly E, 53k, 12 works, Complete. In which Derek has a sex emergency with unplanned results, Stiles could be the baby daddy on one of those horrible MTV pregnancy shows, Sheriff Stilinski takes in strays and life in Beacon Hills never has a dull moment, not even when things are calm.

Really wonderful series. Stopped at Part 11, so am waiting for updates. A good investment of time, even incomplete. ;D // [Huh, evidently I missed an update somewhere along the line!]

In the Solstice of our Hearts by ravingrevolution E, 73k, Complete. "You're not putting that up your butt," Scott told him flatly and Stiles couldn't stop the pissed off whine he made, but his friend continued. "Stiles, you can't put that up your butt, you know that. Your butt won't be ready for anything to go in it until-" // "Okay, okay!" he said, flailing his hands to stop his friend's lecture. "Message received, no butt stuff until I'm pounced on by some freaking animal in the forest and ravished to within an inch of my life. Got it. Thanks, Scotty, I mean heaven forbid I actually try to take control of my life and give myself a fighting chance or anything." // "Not all alphas are animals," Scott said quietly. // Maybe he was right, but Stiles wasn't holding his breath.

Omega Stiles, Berserk Stiles, omega beast, everyone's a virgin, Hurt/Comfort, care taking

The one where there's a Mate Run in the woods, and Derek with his pack manage to frighten Stiles up a tree from whence he falls and is impaled on a branch (ouch!) and then they spend a week in a cave while Stiles heals. Meanwhile, Kate and her cronies are sneaking into the month-long Mate Run with the intent to a)finally kill Derek and b) sneakily bond with some omegas. So Stiles goes berserk, which is the omega form of a hulking violence monster, to protect Derek. (Story could have stopped there, but carries on for another 1/3.)

#mpreg #mpreg fic rec #mpreg stiles #mpreg sterek #mpreg fic recs #mojo's fic recs #christyimnot #christyimnotred

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dlamp-dictator · 5 years ago

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Allen’s Rambling: A Combat School Anime About Combat (Absolute Duo)

Every year I go out of my way to rewatch three anime.

The first is Kenichi: The Mightiest Disciple, a martial arts comedy anime that I’ve always found enjoyment out of since I first watched it quite a few years ago back in the early 2010s. I never watch this to completion anymore given it’s over 40 episodes, but watching about 5 or 8 episodes helps me remember what I love about this genre. The wacky fights, the likable characters, the plot progression, all good stuff that I can recommend to anyone.

The second is Master of Martial Hearts, another martial arts anime that is so legendarily bad that it’s almost a required viewing for any anime fan. I watch this as a sort of palette cleanser to just remind myself of what a truly bad anime is like when I feel like raving and complaining about how uncreative the Isekai genre is. All I have to look back at this anime and then ask myself: “Is there an anime as bad as Master of Martial Hearts in the year 2019?” If the answer is no (when the answer is no), I know that we still live in a world where anime is pretty okay.

And the last thing I watch every year is Absolute Duo, an anime that is honestly pretty average in the grand scheme of things, but is such a fun and comfortable watch that I can’t help but enjoy it every year. I decided to watch my yearly three shows a little out of order this time and... well, I just want to talk a little about this show for a bit.

And let’s start this as I usually do, with the premise.

Absolute Duo focuses on a Tor Kokonoe, a young man who becomes a student at Kouryou Academy, a military school that trains students called Exceeds who wield spiritual/soul weapons known as Blazes. Tor is an Irregular, a title given to him due to his Blaze manifesting as a shield instead of a melee weapon like everyone else. With his Duo partner Julie Sigtuna they train and fight off several threats to reach Absolue Duo, the final frontier of an Exceed’s power.

That’s the basic premise, pretty standard for a Combat School anime. However, I like how serious the show takes that premise. Or at least how much the show recognizes that this is, in fact, a military school. It’s not so much that I like the show, but that I like all the little bits of world-building that go into it. Classes focus on tactics and combat, a character’s strength and ability are the main way to keep their grade. Students that don’t get stronger are expelled after their first year, and so on. It’s simple stuff, but with how little teeth most anime of this archetype show, this was a breath of fresh air.

The first episode is what honestly hooked me. Tor meets up with a girl named Imari, they hit things off pretty well, there’s even a hint of romance. As the scene goes on and the two reach the entrance ceremony you’d think she’d be the main lead and that they’d be paired up for the rest of the series.

But then in the entrance ceremony turns out to be a duel to the finish, with the two new friends having to fight it out in order to remain at school.

This... caught me off guard. Heck, this caught everyone in the cast off guard. People were confused at first, but the headmaster made it clear that getting into the school was the easy part, earning the right to remain was the next step. When Tor questioned the headmaster about this strange rite of passage she simply responses by saying they’ll have to fight both in class and after graduation, that they were given powers to use and so they need to prove why they want to keep them. In short, to repeat what I had said a few years ago:

It was... a surprise when I first watched this, it’s still a surprise to this day so many years later. The stakes were set in such a surprisingly cold way that it kept me interesting. It was then I knew I was watching something just a little different.

And the show picks up from there. New challenges are met, new allies and enemies are made, and so on. If that first episode got you interested then it was likely you’d stick around for at least another two or three.

I already give a spiel about this anime two years ago and while I don’t like that post as much any more my thoughts remain the same for the most part. And I don’t feel like giving a play-by-play of all the bits I personally enjoyed, but I’ll at least go over all the little world-building parts and overall moments that impressed me:

The fact that Blazes are created via nanomachines and injectionss was surprisingly dark for such an overall lighthearted show. It really give it a bit more edge than I expected.

Seeing Imari come back in the second half of the show was a huge surprise, and a pleasant on at that since she left a really good impression on me. Something else I like was that although she did have romantic feelings for Tor she knew their chance meeting was just chance that she needed to step down and let someone with a better shot at him take it. It really spoke to her maturity and got me even more invested in her character... even if at that point she was just a side character.

The fact that there was (technically) one romantic interest that had a shot at Tor and that she confessed to him was not only a surprise, but welcomed. However, due to shenanigans that happened after the confession I’ll just say that it lost it’s impact pretty quickly.

The overall narrative theme of figuring out what lengths one will go to obtain power was compelling. I just wish they went a little deeper with it, especially for Tor and Julie who had more selfish reasons for wanting to become Blazes. Like I said, you get these powers via injections, so it could had gone to some interesting places if they focused on it more.

Tsukimi was a very interesting villain, a cosplaying teacher with a surprisingly vicious side she only revealed to those that survived her initial snap. She was always fun to watch interact with the cast after she finished her villain segment. A lot of my own characters tend to follow a “cute, but actually evil” character archetype to them, so maybe that’s why I enjoyed her so much.

...

Again, I miss the little line breaks I could do back in the old days of Tumblr.

Regardless, despite my praise I can’t recommend this series. I ordered the full DVD series with episode commentaries from the dub staff, but I don’t think I’ll come back to this anime unless I have a really specific itch for it. Instead, I think I’ll throw out some anime that are a little more worth watching.

Armed Girl’s Machiavellism isn’t a combat school anime per se, but it is an action series that takes place in a school and has combat in it. It’s a pretty fun ride throughout with a surprisingly likable main character. You can catch this on both VRV and Amazon, though I know for a fact the dub is on VRV if you’re into that like I am.

Chivalry of a Failed Knight is a combat school anime that has been seen as probably one of the better, if not best, combat school anime out there. It takes it’s premise seriously, it takes it’s action seriously, and still keeps an overall lighthearted tone. I’d definitely recommend giving this one a shot if you’re interested.

And while a little out of left field, Grimgar of Fantasy and Ash is about to replace Absolute Duo on my yearly watchlist since if the Isekai boom isn’t fizzling out anytime soon, I might as well watch a good one to remind myself of how this genre should play out. It’s... an Isekai show that takes it’s premise a little more seriously and deconstructs the general a little bit. I’d say a good comparison would be a much lighter version of Goblin Slayer with some Isekai elements thrown in.

And I believe that’s it. I’ll catch you all later when I do the Weekly Update tomorrow.

#your dictator is speaking #absolute duo

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justgotham · 6 years ago

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Warner Bros. Television kicks off New York Comic Con (NYCC) on Wednesday, October 3, with the world premiere screening of the live-action dramatic adventure series Titans, which launches October 12 as the first original series for the new DC UNIVERSE digital subscription service. The exclusive debut screening will be followed by a Q&A session with series stars and executive producers, who will shed further light on the highly-anticipated first season. The star and producer sessions continue on Saturday, October 6, when the next generation of supernatural beings at The Salvatore School for the Young and Gifted takes fans inside Legacies (Thursdays at 9/8c on The CW), the thrilling next chapter in The Vampire Diaries/The Originals trilogy. The back-to-back Saturday panels will also feature the world premiere pilot screening of Roswell, New Mexico (midseason on The CW), followed by the action-packed season four premiere of Blindspot (Fridays at 8/7c on NBC) and aspecial video presentation of The 100 (midseason on The CW). Fans will also get an inside look at the new series Manifest (Mondays at 10/9c on NBC).

The excitement continues Sunday, October 7, with Archie and the gang, who will give fans a sneak peek at season three of Riverdale followed by a Q&A with series stars and producers. Gotham (midseason on FOX) will also return for its final appearance at New York Comic Con as fans celebrate its fifth and final season during a special video presentation and Q&A with series stars and producers.

Exclusive autograph signing for each series will take place at the Javits Center the day of each panel. Warner Bros. Television follows New York Comic Con’s private autographing lottery drawing, which opens in mid-September. Visit www.newyorkcomiccon.com for more info.

11:00 a.m.–12:00 p.m. Gotham Special Video Presentation and Q&A — Join Gotham as the show returns to New York Comic Con for its final appearance. With Gotham on the brink of total anarchy and cut off from the outside world, only Jim Gordon, Bruce Wayne and a handful of heroes remain behind to retake the city. Inspired by the “No Man’s Land” arc from the comics, villains including Penguin, the Riddler, the Sirens and Jeremiah have taken claim on various regions of the city. Will order be restored, or will chaos reign in Gotham? Be among the first to hear what’s in store for the final chapter of Gotham as the show returns to New York Comic Con for a special video presentation, followed by a Q&A with series stars and producers. From Warner Bros. Television, Gotham returns for its fifth and final season midseason on FOX, and Gotham: The Complete Fourth Season is available now on Digital, Blu-ray™ and DVD. Become a fan on Facebook atwww.facebook.com/GOTHAMonFOX, and follow the show on Twitter at @Gotham. The Hulu Theater at MSG

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secret-diary-of-an-fa · 6 years ago

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Secret-Diary’s Annual Awards Show, 2018

Here we are. Xmas is over for another year and the last dregs of 2018 are circling the plug-hole of time like inedible week-old gravy. Soon, the drain-unblocker that is New Year will be emptied on top of it, disposing of it forever… and nobody will be very sorry. It’s always possible that, in the last four days of the year, something incredible will happen. Maybe Will Self will invent time travel and go back to the early 1600s to become Shakespeare. Maybe Theresa May’s face will swing outward like a poorly-secured cupboard door and reveal an electric aquarium where a panel of Sea Monkeys control all her movements and decisions. Barring both of those two events, however, I think its safe to say that 2018 was a complete write-off.

Mainly, this year has felt like an unnecessary and unwanted continuation of 2017. 2017: Part Two, if you like. Brexit continued to drag on like a wounded moose looking for a place to die. The idiotic decision to cast Whittaker as Doctor Who, made in 2017, was enacted here in 2018, causing waves of uncontainable ennui to sweep a nation. The Space Elevator still remains resolutely unbuilt and Elon Musk (mankind’s Token Sensible Person) doesn’t seem overly inclined to do anything about that just yet. In short, we’re standing at the far edge of a year that has been, by and large, a complete and total waste of everyone’s time… especially mine. I’d normally leave my End Of Year Awards for New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day, but fuck it. Almost everything else this year has been vaguely disappointing, so let’s stick to the theme. We’ll ejaculate these awards out early and get it over with. You all know how this works by now: I make up some tenuously-related categories and proclaim a cultural event or piece of media the winner according to the dictates of my own diseased logic and the voices in my head. Let’s just crack on.

THE AWARD FOR BEST DVD OR BLU-RAY RELEASE Normally, I try to make the category names funny, but the best DVD/Blu-Ray released in 2018 was the remastered Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Boxset. Somebody cleaned up a six-episode sci-fi show from the 1980s and stuck a bunch of special features on it and it was instantly better than anything actually produced in the present day. That’s funny enough in itself, assuming you find cultural atrophy funny.

THE INSTANTLY-REGRETTED WANK AWARD FOR BEST MOVIE STARRING A SEXY FISH MAN … Goes to The Shape of Water, which may actually have come out last year. I also really enjoyed Aquaman, too, but I can’t pretend it was a superior piece of film-making. You know what, though? The fact that there are two movies about sexy fish men having non-conformist adventures says something important. It says “OUR CG ANIMATORS HAVE FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO DO WATER, SO LET THE GOOD TIMES FUCKING ROLL!”

THE BERNIE MADOFF AWARD FOR MOST SUSPICIOUS DISCREPANCY … Goes to Doctor Who’s score on Rotten Tomatoes. Yeah, you knew you weren’t getting through this drivel without having to listen to my opinions on Doctor Who again, so let’s just get it out the way early. Critics gave the most recent series of Whittaker-flavoured Who a 94% rating. Fans gave it 31%. So people who can’t risk saying something culturally unacceptable because they could be fired loved it, while people who cared enough to review it unpaid and had no consequences to fear fucking loathed it. Let’s try not to blame Whittaker, for this though. It’s actually Chibnall’s fault, with his determination to minimise the sci-fi elements in the world’s most beloved sci-fi show. And the BBC’s fault for hiring Chibnall. And all our faults for not dragging every single BBC exec into the streets and whipping them to death years ago. Jodie Whittaker casting was a point-scoring ploy on behalf of a cynical organisation desperately trying and failing to be progressive, but never forget that it’s just the tip of an iceberg made of frozen penguin shit.

THE SPECIAL AWARD FOR RUINING AN ENTIRE NATION … Goes to Donald Trump, who is a fucking arsehole of truly unprecedented proportions. At the time of writing, he’s currently throwing a massive temper tantrum and has shut down entire branches of government just because the real politicians won’t give him the money he needs to build his preposterous, unworkable and illegal border-wall. Thanks to this one pathetic tool’s incalculably large ego, America is currently in a state of abject chaos.

THE AWARD FOR MOST NEEDLESSLY HARROWING TV SHOW Did you see The Haunting of Hill House on Netflix? If not, congratulations: you might need slightly fewer anti-depressants than people who did. A spooky romp through the lives of people who used to live in a haunted house turns into an uninterrupted misery binge when it starts digging into their feelings. One of them is a drug addict, one of them is depressed in a dangerous and unstable way, one of them has issues with intimacy, one of them is a writer reliving his own miserable past for a living and one of them is a straight-up, 24 carat arsehole. Oh, and they all sort-of hate their beleaguered father for not saving their mother (who was mad as a tin of pigeons) from Death By Ghost. Thanks, Netflix. 2018 wasn’t a deep enough well of despair already.

THE AWARD FOR MOST UNDERAPPRECIATED HUMAN BEING … Goes to Jeremy Corbyn, who spent his Xmas dispensing broth and socialist good-vibes in a soup-kitchen. He’s constantly attacked and ridiculed in the media… possibly because the British media isn’t used to dealing with high-ranking politicians who aren’t psychopaths. Also, he once accidentally high-fived Dianne Abbott's tit, thereby gifting the world the most entertaining five seconds of television in history.

THE NAKED BRIAN COX AWARD FOR MOST BEAUTIFUL THING EVER … Goes to Sapphire and Steel, a TV from the 70s that I recently rediscovered. Trying to explain it in normal English will undoubtedly make me sound like a man whose brain is slowly eating itself, because it defies all ordinary conceptions. Nevertheless, I’ll try. It’s about two elements from the period table who are also people from a higher dimension who handle anomalies in space-time using methods that make perfect sense but aren’t necessarily clear to the audience. This prevents entities that often manifest as patches of light or shadow from breaking into time from outside and stealing people or feeding off the resentment of the dead. Make sense? Well, it will when you watch it, and you absolutely should watch it.

THE NAKED STEVE BUSCEMI AWARD FOR MOST EYE-GOUGINGLY HORRIBLE THING EVER This is actually a tie between that time Theresa May attempted to dance and… pretty much the entire year itself. If 2017 was like watching a man fall off a cliff, 2018 has been like watching him hit every outcropping of rock as he plunged downwards towards a merciless ocean.

THE AWARD FOR MOST SLATHERING BETRAYAL OF A FAN-BASE … Goes to Fallout 76, which, by all accounts, turned the bleak, lonely world of Fallout into a perfunctory MMO with all the beloved series’ characteristic and recognisable features sucked out or watered down. A great game series screwed over in the name of chasing casual gamers. Oh, when will the industry learn. Never. The answer is never.

THE SHATNER AWARD MOST DRAMATIC OVERREACTION TO AN UNDERWHELMING SITUATION … Goes to the UK tabloid ‘news’ papers, who went into swivel-eyed paroxysms of outrage and confusion when a handful of drones brought air traffic to a halt at Gatwick Airport almost a week before Xmas. They squealed angrily about how ‘possible terrorism’ and how Xmas had been ruined for thousands of people (despite the fact that they were perfectly entitled to just get on other flights a day or two later). It later turned out that there hadn’t necessarily been any drones, and that air traffic had been brought to a standstill because the police got confused and mistakenly thought that there were.

And that’s more or less it. Lots of other things happened in 2018, but I never made any concerted effort to remember them, beyond noting that they were all pretty bloody stupid. Roll on 2019. I have no reason to believe it will be any better than 2018, globally speaking, but maybe I’ll finally buy a copy of Red Dead Redemption 2 and stop caring.

#Secret Diary of a Fat Admirer #the year in ennui

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