#Made this in like 2 or 3 hours? Started it an hour before midnight lol

[jinxster-azerolf]

Happy New Year!! From Bebo ✨

GIF version below

[thesharktanksdriver]

Being a Magical Girl in Gotham (Platonic)

Y/n is 15 in this and started being a magical girl at 10

I don’t read the comics so the timeline is likely fucked along with some characters maybe being out of character. I don’t care tho cause this took a long ass time to write and I had fun writing this. So please enjoy

Part 2 Part 3 part 4

3302 word count lol

Becoming a magical girl like in the cartoons you watched as a young girl initially seemed like a dream come true

A wish wrapped in a big pink sparkly bow that when unwrapped opened Pandora’s box to the amount of responsibilities that would be carried over to you

You were naive back then, but after years of being one your much mature now

That initially girly sense of joy soon fading away as the glitter and glam could no longer shield your eyes from the weight of something bigger than yourself was voluntarily placed on your shoulders

Doesn’t matter much in the end. there's no turning back time no matter how you longed to reset its hands

You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life

You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life

You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life

You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life

You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life

You hunt shadow-like creatures you had nicknamed shadowmites. Entities from a different realm that feed themselves off of traits like greed and anger before sucking out its targets life

It’s no surprise that they ended up gravitating towards earth. Even more so Gotham, a breeding ground for the worst of the worst

Their mindless creatures. Just feeding and taking over entire universe’s to suck them dry until moving to the next

You used to feel sympathy for them, how horrific it would be to one of them. but now you feel nothing for them. 5 Years of watching them shrivel into nothing and hurt others made that go away though

Their screeches of pain becoming background noise along with their snarls of hunger.

You're now desensitised to it all. The loneliness and sadness at watching others you age enjoys their lives oblivious to everything.

Sometimes it makes you smile though. Knowing that because of your actions those same girls can live their lives, happy and full of joy.

At least you're not truly alone though. Your mentor/companion/eldritch-type being in the form of a ferret named Rigel.

They're an odd company. A being of seemingly endless knowledge and power, one that traversed through countless dimensions and universes, something that could end the world with a single thought…in the body of a adorable ferret that curls around your neck and perched on your shoulder

Rigel is stern but caring. A mentor who pushes you to your limits but knows when to stop and when you need a break despite how much you protest.

Someone/something that cares for you despite the fact that compared to them you're a single dim star in an entire cosmos of brighter shining ones.

As a Gothamite you know the streets well, and its people even better. Giving you the advantage at tracking down and stopping shadowmites as the midnight hour ticks onwards

You usually get rid of around 7-16 a night. Most being weaker varieties but occasionally having to toughen up to defeat the strong ones who had found a particular rageful host.

During the 5 years you had been doing this ever since your 10th birthday you surprisingly (and luckily) hadn’t had the chance to meet Batman face to face

Sure, they had been times you saw him off in the distance but you hadn’t fully talked to him by a stroke of chance

His enemy’s on the other hand, oh boy do you know them well

You had saved quite a few of them.

The goal was to eliminate the shadowmites, it didn't matter who you saved in the process…unless it’s Joker.

Even Rigel would allow you to let Joker be sucked dry like a cool-aid packet lol

Anyways

Because of you saving a ton of them you're on their good lists. A metaphorical safe card given to you as you spend your nights saving more people

After saving Penguin the older man allowed you free use to the iceberg despite your complaints of not wanting anything

You have your own little private table set up.

Mr.Cobblepot insists you don’t need to pay but you do so anyway

The food is much better than the McDonald’s you buy on a daily basis. It deserves the money you insist to spend on it

Most of His goons now know you. Sometimes joking you when off duty to talk while you eat

Most are pretty nice (to you anyways), often times rambling about their day or talking about their families

Some have kids your age. Some of them you even recognize from Gotham academy

The waitresses are also nice. Most of them very pretty and always fawning over how cute you look.

Penguin himself occasionally joins you in his spare time. Making causal talk, asking of your hunting and how your life has been

It’s….nice?. Kinda weird to be having a mob boss ask about your day but it’s a change of pace from your relatively lonely life

Kinda reminds you of some rich uncle who swoops by every now or then. Spoiling you before being whisked off on a new endeavor

He tells you that you're welcome during closing hours as well. This place serving as a safe haven of sorts if you should need it

Riddler is another though you see him less than Penguin

It’s the occasional blink and you see it kinda encounters but their amusing

The green clad man finds it fun to bitch about how the Gotham time’s riddles are too easy or how Batman is a dick

He (of course) also tells riddles. Seemingly getting a ride out of watching you try to figure them out

He also seems weirdly protective. Warning that if the bat gave you trouble then come to him

He’s not the only one to say that to you but you appreciate the sentiment

Seems oddly worried that if your in school and if your getting a good education

You tell him you are but don’t specify where just in case

He’s satisfied with that answer though. Even offers to help with math and or science homework

Gloats a lot and talks even more. Seems to appreciate that you actually listen to him and his ramblings

At one point he suggests making your colour scheme to match his

You politely decline saying you couldn’t pull it off like he did which makes his ego expand

Sometimes he hacks into security cameras or large screens to give you a riddle cause he’s bored

May or may not slip Rigel a 20 for you to have some spare change that you desperately need

Harley, Ivy and Catwoman fucking love you

You had initially only saved Harley but after that the two just joined in with her on basically becoming your honorary aunts

You end up running into them a lot during your long nights. Usually stopping by Ivy’s and Harley’s apartment for small breaks

They patch you up as best they can, ivy fixing you a cup of tea as Harley’s hyena’s curl up near your lap

Catwoman usually stops by during these breaks. Sometimes with a box of kittens whom she has you name

All of them are worried for you both mentally and physically so they make you a deal. On Saturdays after 12am unless super urgent you have a girls night with them, in return you have their help in patching up your wounds

They prep popcorn, drinks and the whole 9 yards to give you a break. They play a movie (usually a chick flick) and just let you rewind

If they hadn’t made this deal you probably wouldn’t have taken any breaks

Their all silently impressed that you’ve not only survived this long but also somehow ended up befriending half the villains in this damn city

You say that their just acquaintances but Ivy argues that Mr.Cobblepot is a cheapskate who wouldn’t give you a basically lifetime pass to his lounge for nothing

Harley warns you to stay away from Joker no matter what. And that if he even walks 10 metres near you he’s getting a lifetime trip to deadsville

Red Hood is the first of the bats that you run into. During his whole escapade to take over the underworld something that was kinda considered a myth to the rest of Gotham but was confirmed by the many people you saved

The meeting was ok…but then derailed when you noticed the black clawed tendrils clinging into his shoulders

His shadowmite that feed off his rage was fucking hard to beat. It took a lot out of you, almost killed you and left you hobbling to Harley’s for help before passing out

You woke up in a warehouse, patched up by him personally before he began to question you

Like usual you gave him the rundown of things. The entities that feed off negative emotions, eventually drained their life force, your the only one who can stop them with your magical powers etc etc

What catches you off guard though is when he asks if your parents know

The silence answers his question. One that feels deafening to his ears as he realizes that your basically alone in this

Pitted against a cruel world with no one but yourself and the kindness of literal criminals to accomplish an impossible task

It seems to shake something in him, something that’s not your business to ask about but makes him seem fragile in that moment

It’s not a word you’d associate with him yet that’s the only thing you can describe him as in the moment

The dim blue glow of his helmet’s eyes seeming now less intimidating to your smaller shaking form

He then asks how you got away with this so long without the bat (he says it with a certain poison in his voice) didn’t stop this

You just answer that you were just lucky in evading his notice. You were careful not to gain public attention and just focused on your job (his fists tightened a bit at this wording)

He helps you after this, dropping you off at Harley and Ivy’s

He seems hesitant in letting you go but trusts your decision enough once he sees the two fuss over you from a distance

He appears commonly to you after that. Inviting you to sit atop the old Gotham library with a bag of Dairy Queen in hand

It makes you wonder if he has younger siblings, if this is how it felt to be cared for by a older brother

You used to wonder what that felt like along with having parents. It makes your normally hollow chest feel warm and fuzzy

Couple months later he ends up working with batman. Whatever disagreement with the man now resolved as his uniform now has a red bat added to his chest

Your initially nervous until he promises not to “rat you out to the old man” as he put it

He opens up a bit more during your talks with him. Talking of how he grew up in the slums, had to rely on himself to survive just as you do

It’s kinda comical to see the gun wielding, motorcycle driving, leather jacket clad vigilante talk about Jane Austen but it certainly becomes a fun pastime as you work on an english essay

Just like the Gotham Sirens he worries. But even more than they do

He suggests tagging along with you on some of your hunts but you decline. Appreciating the sentiment but making a clear line in what you are comfortable with.

He accepts but there’s still a sense of worry that seems to claw at him everytime he finds you with cuts, bruises and dried blood caking your elaborate uniform

Eventually during your meetups with him your talk of pride and prejudice is interrupted by Nightwing

It’s kinda awkward sitting there eating ice cream with Rigel as the two grown men bicker like brothers about you

You end up leaving midway though to hunt again

But then the blue wearing hero ends up finding you much to your displeasure of just wanting to get back to work

He’s much more cheery and charismatic compared to Red hood. More of a people person by how he easily seems to break down your hesitation to talk to him

Like hood he’s definitely worried for you but seems to hide it a bit better with humour and general polite talk

You notice he does acrobatics a lot, leading to you asking him him about it

He kinda ends up being your teacher and you now know how to cartwheel and a few other tricks

Like hood he promises not to tell Batman he even jokes that at this point he should get red Robin and Robin so Batman is the last to know

He talks about a variety of subjects but kinda focuses in on how you have a healthy way to relive the stress you have

Doesn’t exactly approve of you stopping by the Gotham sirens for that but he relents after red hood calls him out on also being friends with villains before (an apparently more than friends in some cases?)

Both he and Red hood argue quite a bit but it’s funny especially when it has both grown men throwing fries at one another like 10 year olds

He has you swear not to drink coffee cause apparently red Robin is addicted to that shit and he doesn’t need another coffee adict

Briefly mentions how he has a friend named Raven whom you should meet

Y’all have mock battles cause he wants to see you in battle. Safe to say he likes the sparkles and the glamour of it all

He finds it interesting that your magical girl weapon can change depending on the situation and still looks cute

Those once cold and lonely nights that you spent fighting evil shadow creatures has changed seemingly for the better

Despite the fact that frost nips at your fingertips through your gloves, attempting to suck the warmth from your flesh you feel oddly warm inside

During the day your a seemingly normal 15 year old student at Gotham academy. Someone who blends into the Background, someone who no one really knows about but doesn’t question why

The only really noticeable thing about you is your above average grades and quiet nature

You're just known as that one seemingly nice student. That’s really the only thing people can label you as, you don’t really mind.

It was your goal to be unnoticeable, to just be another face to everyone.

It kinda becomes a bit complicated though as through your normal school year you notice the infamous Damien Wayne seemingly gaining an interest in you?

Odd. You never really interacted with him other than polite hello’s and the occasional moment you’d sit near somewhat near him in the library for lunch

Hell he wasn’t even in the same grade as you. He was 13, you never even had a project or something that led you to actually talk to him.

And now for some reason he decided to have a curiosity in you. The one thing you didn’t want happening.

During lunch you end up eating in random places. Randomly Rotating between areas and locations like the courtyard, library, empty classrooms and the gym

He’s smart though, scarily so. Almost as if he was experienced in tracking people down. Leaving you light on your toes as you dance to weave past and try to outsmart and outlast him until the bell rings

It doesn’t get any better when you leave for the end of the though. He waits for a few minutes by the front of the school, limo ready to take him home yet he still tries to spot you as you leave.

Eventually you up and ask him why he's been stalking you for the past 2 weeks, turns out Damien saw Rigel and wanted to pet them plus his older brothers encouraged him to make a friend

Safe to say he got to pet Rigel who crawled out your bag and scurried up his arm

The friend bit is a bit more complicated

You never had a friend your age after gaining your abilities. Being so busy had deterred people at the orphanage before you ran off, faked some paperwork and found yourself an apartment who didn’t ask questions as long as you paid for rent.

You had purposefully made yourself invisible to everyone, to avoid becoming gaining attention and becoming attached knowing they’d leave you for being so busy

You know you should say no but…your heart tugs at the somewhat nervous look he has in his eyes despite how much he tries to hide it along with the feeling of joy clawing at your heart

For the first time at school you smile genuinely as you nod. His eyes light up with joy, a small somewhat prideful smile painting his face

Your days at school after this are much more eventful, less of a cycle like it was before

Due to your new friendship with the elusive and loner wayne it causes some stir but the young boy quickly silences all hushed talking with his infamous glare

He’s actually quite fun to be around, always talking about his pets or how his step-brothers were a pain in the ass

He still sometimes has an attitude but you got to eventually see past that. To see the real Damien who nerded out over random animal facts or had his dog as his screensaver

It took a long time to get to this point but you don’t find yourself regretting the decision because of the fact he’s understanding of you being busy or having a far off look in your eyes that looked eternally tired.

His are the same sometimes, drained and empty of colour and life

You asked him one day while you both ate lunch in the courtyard, laying down on the dark green grass, why he decided out of all people to befriend you. The wallflower, the name without a face, the kid whom everyone just knew as nice and that’s it

He said it's because of your eyes. How they reminded him of himself, not in personality per say but in the fact they held untold secrets and a weight that no one else but you would understand.

That day he invited you to his home. The glorious wayne manor as to finally meet his canine friend Titus

It feels kinda out of nowhere but with some hesitance you agree, hopping into the limo that picked him up everyday as a old butler greeted you with a surprised smile

Damien greets him with the same fondness he seemed to hold for you, introducing the older british man as Alfred

[piyo13sdoodles]

day 28, chapter 76:

At the expression on Quintus' face Cliopher could take no more. He started laughing before he made it out of the room, though the loudest whoops came after he'd reached the hallway. He did not get far along, just sank down at the top of the stairs so he could try to muffle his mirth with his hands. ~ "Your family seems somewhat perturbed," Rhodin observed after a few minutes.

and bonus gallery shot + musings under the cut because it's been exactly 4 weeks now:

fun to see what kinds of patterns intentionally or unintentionally crop up... or also which days i can tell i was busy vs which days i had time or worked in advance to dedicate more time to the piece. if anyone's curious, on average one of these might take me 2-3 hours to complete! more detailed ones like october 23 i think probably took me closer to 5 hours, simpler ones like october 9 maybe 1.5h.

i am both sad and glad it's almost over--i've definitely lost a fair amount of sleep trying to get these done in time (usually i work a day ahead so i can post at a reasonable time, but that hasn't always worked out, especially in the final stretch here), so this pace does become untenable on top of work, but it also is really fun to make so much art! and to always have something to work on rather than becoming trapped into that idea of 'what should i do, too many choices, can't decide..' the answer is always inktober!

in any case, seeing the gallery like this is also interesting to me because it really helps me realize where i could have/should have pushed the ink a bit more--working in ink is (to me; this is definitely not gospel, just how i consider ink work) an exercise in controlling contrast. you don't have colour to drive edges or cool/warm tones, so the only value you have is the light-dark contrast, and in my mind at least, good use of contrast should carry across to a smaller format. for example, zoomed out like this i can see that october 11th really needed more contrast in the feathers--they blend too much into the background in a way that doesn't really work to emphasize that ludvic is standing in front of the candles there. otoh, on october 5, i think that one's fine because what i wanted was for the moon to draw the eye first, and THEN for you to notice HR sitting there.

overall, also, i want to keep these interesting--if the compositions are always the same, then it can become repetitive or boring, so i wanted a good mix of light and dark compositions, and a good balance of tone across all of them. which so far i'm pleased with! and this year i let myself use pencil undersketches and do thumbnail planning and everything (last year i really wanted to get better at visualizing the piece in my head so i set the challenge of just committing straight to paper... i'm still happy with last year's but you can tell i took on much more challenging compositions this year lol)

anyway!! much to think about, so much to learn, i wanted to work a bit in advance again so i won't be putting tomorrow's up almost at midnight again but alas i think it was not meant to be, so i'm off to bed and if you read this whole thing, congrats, have a cookie *hands you a cookie*

[thelovelylolly]

15 and 31 valentines for Frank castle lol 😜

Away From You

Summary: After being away for a job, Frank realizes he can't be away from you Warnings: reader is described to be smaller than frank, but that should be it :) Word Count: 627 Notes: frank castle always makes me weak so thank you for the request lol <3

You couldn't really remember when Frank started crashing at your apartment, but you knew your life had been better with him in it. You let him stay with you after you found him half-conscious on your fire escape. Since then, you would patch him up after jobs, help him with investigating the people he targeted, and you were there for him when he would wake up from nightmares.

Everything just flowed easily between you two and you worked well together.

Which is why being away for so long was so hard for Frank. He enjoyed your presence, your voice, your smile. He enjoyed having coffee with you in the morning and dinner in the evening. He started to find excuses to stay in the city more and more just to stay close to you. As much as he was doing it for himself, he also wanted to protect you.

Being close to him and working with him put you in danger, and he didn't want to risk you getting hurt. He couldn't live with himself if you got hurt because of him.

Did Frank have feelings for you? Definitely, but he ignored them because he didn't want to scare you away.

Then, he went out of town for a job for a little over a week. You texted him on his burner phone with information, but late one night, you texted him while half-awake at 2 a.m.

'I miss you.'

He couldn't ignore it anymore. After the job was done, he raced back to your apartment, which he started to call home.

You stayed up for Frank like you always did. You made yourself comfortable on your couch with a good book, a soft blanket, and a cup of tea. You didn't expect Frank back until well into the early hours of the morning, but there was a knock at your door around midnight.

You perked up at the knock, setting your book down and pulling the blanket off of you. You stood up and slowly walked towards the door, grabbing the pepper spray you kept by the door just in case. Then, you peaked through the peep hole and saw him waiting outside.

You let out a breath of relief and put your pepper spray down, opening the door and letting him in. You closed the door behind him, making sure to lock it before turning to him.

"Frank, I-"

You were cut off by Frank cupping your face with his large hands and his lips smashing against yours. You were frozen with surprise, then melted into his touch and kiss. You let him push your back against the door as you trailed your hands up from his chest to around his neck. One of his hands stayed on your cheek and the other dropped to your waist, holding you close.

Even when he pulled away, he made sure you stayed close by leaning his forehead against yours.

"W-what was that about?" You asked, breathless from the kiss.

"I realized that I can't bare to be away from you," he answered, just as breathless as you. "You...your perfect and I'm just so scared of losing you, but I've loved you for a while now. Even if you don't feel the same way, I-"

"Shut up and kiss me," you cut him off. "Kiss me like that again, please."

Frank smiled before pressing his lips to yours again. This time, you trailed one hair up to his hair, running your fingers through it as you tilted your head to the side to deepen the kiss. His grip on your waist tighten and his other hand went from your cheek to the back of your neck, pulling your closer.

He didn't want to be away from you again.

[neoyongz]

good night, baby 🌙 | alex turner x reader (smut)

Alex found the perfect chance to make your fantasy come true.

warnings: somnophilia, alex!dom, breeding kink, the whole fic is kinda centered around him, wet dream, Al likes being called sir (blink and you won’t notice it lol), mention of shower sex

word count: 2.1k

disclaimer: english is not my first language so, in advantage, i apologize for grammar mistakes 🤭

requested by: anon

It was past midnight. You found yourself sleeping after a very long day of working, and your husband prepared a romantic dinner at home with red candles and roses. You didn’t ask for it, but he knew how tired you were after a whole week of working 2 shifts a day and he wanted to cheer you up by preparing your favorite dish.

Quickly after eating, you took a relaxing shower and went straight to bed, and even if he wasn't going to sleep at that time, Alex layed down with you. He hugged you and let you sleep hiding your face in his chest, just as you liked. You fell asleep almost immediately as he kissed your forehead and caressed your hair softly, his hands were warm and his caresses made you feel comfortable.

It was something common for you to sleep hugging him, that position always made you feel better after an exhausting or bad day, and he also loved sleeping like that.

Anyway, a few hours passed and Turner still wasn’t able to fall asleep, hugging you and sighing at his boredom. He looked at the clock: 3 in the morning. Suddenly, a thought came across his mind:

“Al, can I ask you something?” You smiled and sat beside him.

“Sure, pumpkin. Tell me” He took a hairbrush and started brushing your wet hair.

“I’ve had this dream the other day about you… fucking me while I was sleeping” You whispered, feeling your cheeks blushing. “And I want you to do it if it doesn’t bother you”

He continued brushing your hair and kissed your shoulder. “Of course, cutie”

“I give you consent to do it whenever you want to, unless i’m feeling bad or something like that” You turned around and looked at him. “But yeah, I thought it would be something cute to do”

He had that conversation with you about 2 days ago after you had a quick session of shower sex and he thought maybe he could turn your fantasy into reality tonight.

To do it, he started by lowering his hands south into your shorts, slowly touching your buttcheeks. After a few seconds, his left hand went to your front, almost touching your pussy, but he went up again and caressed your tummy all the way up to your tits. He knew you always slept without a bra because it was uncomfortable, so this time the table flipped to his favor: He sneaked his hand into your shirt and started massaging your breasts, playing with your nipples to get them hard.

Once he did, he lifted up your shirt and stared at your perfect pointy tits getting lightened by the moonlight and a few candles he lit before you fell asleep. He started feeling an erection forming under his pants, he approached your tits and gave them a few kisses being careful to not wake you up. He licked and sucked your nipples to see how far he could go before you noticed what he was doing, but luckily you fell into a deep sleep that night.

He got back to your shorts to take them off, leaving you almost naked. His hand went into your panties to masturbate you for a few seconds to get you wet enough, and once he accomplished that, he spreaded your fluids all over your entrance to use them as lube. Holding your panties with his other hand, he licked two of his fingers and then got them down again, teased your entrance with a few touches in circles and stroked your clit carefully as he left some kisses on your neck. He wanted to wait a bit to get you fully wet before he went into action to not hurt you.

Alex continued masturbating you while kissing your neck and chest trying to get you used to all the stimulation while sleeping. His free hand went to your waist, holding it firm to get you closer, rubbing his boner to your privates.

“This is how you get me” Alex whispered. “This is what happens when I think of you, my love” He licked your bottom lip and slowly introduced two fingers into you.

He almost prayed that it didn’t wake you up, but luckily, your only reaction was whimpering and trying to move, but he tightened his grip to bury his fingers even deeper making you moan. It was all going well for him, until he heard you gasping “Damn, Alex”. Were you awake? Nah, it couldn’t be like that.

Just to be sure, he got a third finger inside and you didn’t make any sound other than a very airy moan. You smiled through your dreams and kept sleeping while he fingered you, thinking it was all just a dream.

Alex started moving his fingers slowly to stretch your walls, rubbing his erection to your tummy feeling how it was already leaking some pre-cum. With his free hand, he got rid of his pants and underwear, now feeling a lot more comfortable to do whatever he wanted. Still moving his fingers inside you, he got closer and started moving his pelvis up and down to jerk off against you while giving a few kisses on your neck.

Even if he tried to take it easy to let you sleep, he totally forgot about this because of the pleasure numbing his mind. His cheeks were red, his forehead was covered in sweat and his eyes were closed to let his imagination fly, visualizing your hand wrapped around his cock. His fingers curled inside you trying to touch your g-spot and rubbed your clit with his palm until he realized how much stimulation he was putting on you and slowly got his fingers out, he removed your panties and you tried to move as he felt a cold breeze on your legs.

Alex approached the nightstand and opened one of the cabinets, took a condom and opened it. Once he got it on, he aligned his length to your entrance and pressed it against you to get in. Almost instantly, he felt a rush of pleasure and relief all over his body as his cock got buried into your warm and tight inside. He took some time to get fully into you just to feel that sense of relief for a few more seconds, and once he finished getting in, he stayed there so your body could get used to it and that’s when you whimpered again.

He carefully got on top of you and when he felt like he couldn’t wait more, he started thrusting slowly while groaning. He felt at heaven, even if he missed your kisses, but knowing he could do whatever he wanted to you because he was the only one in control made him feel kind of powerful. Obviously he wouldn’t do anything he knew you wouldn’t like.

He kept thrusting as he sucked your tits again, smiling at how hard your nipples were. You moaned, still dreaming about him fucking you, half awake and half asleep. Even when dreaming you kind of knew you were actually getting fucked and that it wasn’t just a wet dream, but it was like your mind didn’t want to escape from your dreams.

“Uhm, Alex” You moaned trying to open your eyes, but Alex quickly covered them with his hand.

“Shh, go back to sleep pup” He whispered and kissed your cheek. Lucky him, because your body obeyed and let you have some more minutes of sleep.

His hand left your face and got to the bed so he could support his weight better, now thrusting a bit faster. He sighed and closed his eyes as your pussy contracted because of the stimulation, making him groan and get his hand to your clit to masturbate it. His head was full of pleasure, his back was slightly arched and his lips were getting puffier because of him biting them trying to make as less noises as possible.

He buried his head in the bed next to your neck, which he kissed and bit carefully leaving a few marks. Those bits were the ones that woke you up fully.

“Al- Fuck” You whispered and opened your eyes, feeling helpless at waking up at so much pleasure. “Did you-“ He shut your lips with a kiss, a needy and desperate kiss. He played with your tongue, curling it and making it explore your whole buccal cavity. He bit your bottom lip and separated a few centimeters, but still touched your lips with his.

“Shh, stay quiet and let me fuck you good” He whispered while thrusting harder, groaning in ecstasy. “Relax, babe”

You closed your eyes again now moaning out loud as he thrusted into your g-spot, making you tear up and try to reach his neck to hug it but failing because of your mind being blurred by all that pleasure right after waking up, it was almost too much, but you for sure enjoyed it.

“Are- are you using a condom?” You asked in the middle of your moaning mess.

“Yeah, why?” Alex looked at you and smiled, he loved looking at you while fucking.

“Take it off” You buried your nails on his back as he pushed your spot again. “And- cum inside”

Well, that took Alex by surprise. Of course he always wanted to do it but he was too shy to ask and as this was already making one of your fantasies come true now, maybe doing something else would be too much for you, but he still liked the idea.

“Are you sure, pumpkin?” As he felt close, he slowed down his thrusts and kissed your neck. You whispered a very soft “Yes” to his ear, and after your confirmation, he started thrusting hard again.

Your moans echoed in the room as well as his groans and the sound of both bodies crashing into each other, the whole room felt warm and Alex was at the edge of his orgasm. He grabbed your neck to choke you carefully, your eyes teared up again and you grabbed his arm.

“Alex, fu-“ Alex quickly took your hand out of your neck and put it on your mouth and groaned before giving his last few thrusts.

“Let me fill you up, baby” He sighed and took his cock off of you, leaving you feeling empty. He quickly took away the condom and went inside again, stealing a scream from your lips before doing some more thrusts until he finally reached his orgasm and cummed inside you as he thrusted hard into your spot.

You moaned and arched your back, burying your nails once again into his skin and leaving some red marks.

“Shit, Alex” You whispered and sighed, you were exhausted.

He didn’t speak a word, he just came out of you and looked at his cum dripping out of your cunt.

“You looked so cute sleeping” Alex smiled and kissed your thighs. “Lemme clean you up”. He got his underwear on again and got up to take some tissues, came back to the bed and cleaned your legs carefully.

“Did I? Well… I was dreaming of you” You laughed and opened your legs for him, putting your hands on your inner thighs.

“Yeah, I noticed” He smiled and tossed the tissues. “Don’t do tha’, you’ll get me horneh again.” He joked and you didn’t obey. Instead, you passed your hands around your thighs and went down to your pussy, taking a bit of his cum to taste it. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing” You smiled promiscuously. “Just tasting you”

“You naughty little fuck” He smiled and kissed you, sucking your bottom lip and biting it slowly.

“I didn’t get to be conscious for the whole first part” You pouted and took his hand to your tits. “Also, I wanna make you feel good too. Please, Al” You hugged his neck and moaned into his ear. “Please, sir”

You took your hand to his tummy, going down all the way to his underwear, playing with the elastic and teasing him, being fully conscious that it was a good strategy to drive him crazy with little teases to get what you wanted.

“One more?” He asked and grabbed your breast, playing with your nipple. You whimpered his name.

“Mhm, please, Alex” Just hearing you begging already got him horny again, and even before noticing, he was kissing you passionately.

Both tongues started colliding again, your lips getting red and puffy, and with no rest in between, you both were getting ready for a very long night incoming.

[ . . . ]

hi everyone !! new fic dropped hehe 🤭 btw i got the breeding kink idea from @mywritingonlyfans so credits to her for that part :3 hope u enjoyed !! feel free to ask me anything in my questions box :p love y’all !!

[stickofcha0s]

'Walk In' Doug Remer x Reader Pt. 2

Read part one here

Pair: Doug Remer x afab reader

A/N: heyyy, thanks for the positive feedback on part one!! made me feel good about writing again. If you haven't read part one its linked above, I'd recommend doing so. I haven't written a scene like this in literal years so hopefully its good lol. If ti is lmk an I have a spicier part 3 in mind.

word count; 5,233

warnings: NSFW; oral (f! receiving), p in v, hj, slight roughness (little hitting and choking), more perv Remer. I think that's it but just prepare yourselves in case.

Summary: a few weeks after the 'incident', you accidentally walk in on Remer.

———————————

Walk in pt2

 It has been a week or so since the…incident. That’s what you were calling it.

After Joe had come home Remer was walking around like nothing had even happened.

You spent the rest of your night finishing the pasta which turned out a little too soft, and then hiding out in your room, flustered about the whole situation.  

Tonight Joe was out with Jenna and so it was just you and Doug at home. You were both on the couch watching Road Kill: Caught on Tape. Instead of the usual sitting side by side under a blanket, you were sitting at the opposite end of the couch, your feet tucked under you as you covered yourself with your own blanket. 

Remer had his head resting in his palm, beer in his other hand which he occasionally sipped from. 

There was definitely an awkward tension between you two and your pretty sure it was from your side. Remer could blow situations like this off with ease as he often had one night stands with fans or random chicks at the bar. 

You tried to focus on the tv, trying to distract yourself, glancing at him from the corner of your eye. You looked at the time on your phone 9:57.

You knew Joe wouldn’t be home until after 3, if he even decided to come home at all that night. He occasionally would stay the night at Jenna’s. 

You felt restless as you sat on the couch shifting. 

“You good?” Remer asked raising an eyebrow at you and bringing the can to his lips.

“Uh huh” you nodded. You watched his Addams apple bob as he gulped down the drink, just stirring up the restlessness feeling inside you. 

“I’m just tired, I think I might go to bed” you said faking a yawn.

“It’s only 10.” He pointed out. He was right. Usually you guys were up until the early hours of the next day watching movies or talking while shit faced. 

You shrugged “works been taking a toll on me�� you explained trying to excuse yourself, rubbing your shoulder as if you were sore. 

He nodded “yeah, okay get some rest, yeah?” 

You nodded at him starting to get up.

“Hey- grab me a beer before you head out would ya?” He asked.

You gave him a thumbs up before heading to the kitchen, your blanket draped over your shoulder. 

You grabbed a beer from the fridge and a drink for yourself and some snacks, heading back over to the couch. 

“Here” you extended your hand out handing him the can. He reached out to grab it, fingers brushing yours.

“Thanks, you’re a doll.” he smiled settling back into the couch. “Sleep well” 

“Thanks..” you mumbled heading down the hall to your room.

You went to your room closing the door behind you. 

For the next few hours you were pent up in your room watching movies on your laptop, and snacking. 

Around 11 you heard the hall light click off. Remer had probably headed to his room. 

You waited until around midnight to wander into the kitchen to get some water. Your feet padded against the carpet, trying to navigate in the dark. You flipped on the kitchen light filling yourself a glass of water. You leaned against the counter taking in the silence. 

Joe probably wouldn’t be home anytime soon considering he hadn’t even bothered to text you to let you know.

You rested your head against the cool counter, it was hot and stuffy in your room and it got nearly unbearable during the summer months. Keeping your window open at night barley helped, it just cleared up some of the humidity. 

A soft noise broke through the silence of the apartment. You stood up straight looking around.

There it was again.

You let your curiosity get the best of you as you wandered towards the noise. Of course it was coming from Remer’s room. What was he doing now? 

The door was cracked open and a faint light leaked from the door across the carpet. 

The noise came again- a frustrated groan.

“Remer?” You asked quietly approaching the door. 

He could be having problems putting the sheets on his bed again. You always had to help him with that. 

You peeked through the door, your hand flying up to your mouth at the sight. 

Remer was lying on his bed, shorts pulled down just enough to have a hand wrapped around his hard, leaking member. Your eyes widened at the thickness. You wonder how you were ever able to take that during the drunk hookup a few years ago. 

Only his bedside lamp was on, illuminating the sheen of sweat that covered his face and bare chest. 

His glasses had slipped and were sitting on the tip of his nose as weak whines and pants came from his mouth, eyes screwed shut. 

His hand moved faster as he arched his back. 

“(Y/n)..”  he choked out in a panting moan 

Oh my god 

You held your hand up to your mouth as you moved out of the doorway as so not to be seen. 

Wait a second.

Was that-

He brought it up to his nose burying his face in it as he groaned, his hand picking up speed.  The sounds going straight to your core.

“Is that my bra?” 

As soon as those words had come from your mouth you clamped a hand over it. 

Shit. You hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

His head snapped towards the door, pushing his glasses up as he cried out going to cover himself. 

“Sorry I-“ you backed away from the open door. 

He quickly pulled his shorts up, a large tent still remaining. 

He panted softly. “I’m sorry-it was just there and you haven’t been talking to me-so you’ve been on my mind..“ he choked out his voice cracking mid sentence.

Jesus, he sounded so desperate 

You walked into his room, your knees weak as he sat up, your bra clutched in his hand. 

His eyes took in your body, again stopping at your chest. 

You snatched the bra from him, furrowing your eyebrows. 

“Perv..watching me.” He mumbled under his breath. 

You raised an eyebrow “what was that?” 

“How long were you watching?” Remer asked moving closer. 

“I-“ your cheeks flushed.

“It doesn’t matter-don’t take my stuff” you scolded trying to change the subject.

“I didn’t steal it, you left it” Remer protested. 

“Plus shouldn’t I be the one mad at you? You’re completely invading my privacy right now” he crossed his arms over his chest, getting up and towering over you. 

Some of the more loose curls were matted to his forehead. 

“I- your door was open!” You sputtered. “You sounded distressed and I thought you might need help or something-!” 

His eyes changed and a small smirk appeared on his face. “I mean, I could use some help” 

You rolled your eyes, in the process they got lost and trailed down his chest, a thin layer of sweat still covering his skin. Then Down to his member which was still straining against his shorts just begging to be touched. 

God…

“You’re gross” you scowled. 

“You’re a perv” he shot back. 

“I could say the same about you” You huffed softly. 

He looked down at you hungrily. Just his look made you nervous, your heart starting to pick up its pace. 

“I thought you were going to sleep” he said after a moment of tense silence. 

You shrugged softly. “I tried, I couldn’t..”

“Y’know” his hand swept from your wrist up to your shoulder. “I could help you with that.” 

“Doug..” you breathed disapprovingly. 

His brows furrowed. “Hey you can’t deny it, the energy between us has been different lately.”

He was right. Even before the incident things had shifted. You didn’t get after Remer as much when he was a little too touchy. And then after the incident the tension was so thick you couldn’t be within three feet of him without your stomach doing flips.

He stepped closer and leaned down his lips ghosting past your ear.

“Whadya say..” he breathed. He pushed his hips closer his hardened member pressing against you.

Fuck..

His words went straight to your core, feeling your body heat up. 

“Cmon it’ll be between us.” He persisted, twirling some of your hair around his finger. 

His lips moved down to your neck and his arms snaked around your waist. 

You let his lips ghost across the skin sending shivers through your body.

“You’ve been on my mind constantly since the other night” he mumbled against your skin.

“Oh yeah?” 

He nodded. “Can’t get the sight of you in your bra, looking helpless outta my head..” 

“You wanna know what really turned me on?” he asked as he started to kiss your neck softly. 

“What’s that?” You hummed. 

“When you hit me..” you could feel him smile against your skin as the words left his mouth. 

You looked down at him furrowing your brows, his curls tickling your nose.

“Huh? When I hit you?”

He nodded his head lifting up to meet your eyes again. “You’re hot when your angry” 

“Is that why you’re always trying to get on my nerves?” You asked smiling at the boy. 

He shrugged. 

Remer loved it when you got frustrated. The soft sighs and groans that left your lips as he hid your things around the house. He imagined they’d be close to the noises you’d make when he finally got his mouth between your legs. 

“What so you like it rough or something?” You asked laughing a little joking around. 

Remer brought his lips to your neck again. “Maybe” he mumbled. “Would you be upset if I told you I intentionally try to piss you off?”

“By doing what?” This intrigued you.

He hooked his arms under your legs as he lifted you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his neck. 

“Mm you know how your computer stopped working last week?” He asked against your shoulder. 

“Remer what did you do?” You asked getting serious, your smile disappearing. 

“I uh- well Coop was using the tv and I was just really horny- I had to get off and I was having trouble and-“ 

“Doug!” You gasped. You struggled against him until he let you down.

“Are you fucking serious?” 

“I needed something to get off to- I didn’t mean to download a virus.” he protested. 

“Remer I need that for work” you scolded him. 

He gulped softly as your voice started to raise. 

“I also, I did go through your drawers” he admitted sheepishly. 

You felt heat rise to your face. 

He started to approach you again.

“It’s just hard to control myself around you” he whined. “Your scent is just like intoxicating and you look better in your underwear than any model in a magazine I’ve ever seen.” 

You couldn’t have any privacy living with two guys. They were always in your goddamn business. 

“What, you want me to slap some sense into you?” You Huffed. 

His eyes lit up. “I mean maybe that’d help me..” he said trying to restore him composure.

He definitely had pissed you off. You’re laptop was unusable due to the viruses he downloaded and you would need to buy a new one, you could hardly afford it and had to pick up extra shifts to even make the first payment. And he had denied touching it when you had confronted him and Coop. 

But…the fact he liked being hit kinda turned you on and flipped a switch in you.

“Sit on the bed” you instructed. 

He did as told rushing over to the bed. You watched his hard on which had started to go away grow again. The sight making you weak in the knees. 

“I can’t believe you did that.” 

“M’sorry, I’m just horrible aren’t I?” He teased pouting a little. 

You bit your lip shaking your head in disapproval. He gulped nervously as you stood between his legs. His hands raised to your hips gripping them tightly. He looked up at you from where he was sitting. 

“Someone’s gotta teach you not to touch other peoples things” 

He nodded.

You stepped back a little watching him. “You’re always-always going through my shit. I never have any privacy.” You deprecated. 

You could see the excitement in his eyes grow as you went on. 

“You’re a fucking perv. Even to live here I had to expose some part of myself to you! You walk in without knocking, my clothing is always disappearing. When will it be enough?” You asked, getting yourself worked up. 

“I can’t help myself around beautiful women” he shrugged innocently.

That’s it, he’d get what he wanted so badly.

You raised your palm seeing him wince before striking him on the cheek. The sound echoed throughout the bedroom and a thick silence lingered after. Doug’s face was turned to the side and his glasses had slipped down his nose. 

A red mark was left behind on his cheek. 

He grinned a little after regaining his composure. “Let me make it up to you”.

He stood up again towering over you. He turned you so the back of your knees were pressed against the bed. 

“I’ll make you feel so good that you won’t have any choice other than to forgive me.” He looked down at you leaning forward. 

“Yeah?” You looked up at him then back down at his soft lips. 

“Mhm” his hand went to your chin tilting your head forward.

You don’t know how he could make your mood change back and forth this quickly. 

“I’ll show you How well I can behave” he moved your chin forward so your lips met. 

Sparks erupted in your stomach when you guys kissed. His hands trialing from your chin to your waist. 

When he pulled away he kissed your jaw softly. 

“‘N I still didn’t finish showing you what my mouth could do..”

This excited you your heart picking up pace. 

He stepped forward, forcing you to fall back on the bed. You scooted towards the headboard as he followed in suit crawling onto the soft mattress. 

“Let’s get these out of the way” he said placing his hands on your knees.

He parted your legs so he could get between them, his hands going back to grab your hips.

His hands slid under your shirt as he pressed kisses to your jaw, down your neck, sucking softly. 

He rubbed circles into your hips as you sighed.

He was good with his mouth. And he was still only above your neck. 

His hands slid up under your shirt, removing it.

“There.. now we’re equal” he smirked as he tossed it to the side. 

Now you were both shirtless.

He kissed down your chest as your hand went to his hair massaging his scalp softly. He hummed against your skin. 

He bit at the plush skin, causing your breath to hitch as you threw your head back.

“Mmm” 

“You like that?”

“Mhmm” 

He pulled your bra down releasing one of your breasts, coming free and bouncing softly. 

Remer could have cum right there just at the sight of the soft skin jiggling and your nipple hardening as it hit the air, excited.

Like last time his mouth was quick to attach itself to it. 

You let out a whine tugging on his hair. His moans vibrated against the sensitive bud causing you to tug even harder. 

You could feel yourself getting wetter by the minute, your muscles contracting around nothing.

“Fuck..” you breathed out as he let his teeth graze past it.

“Doug..” you whined.

You hardly called him Doug. Usually it was only when you were mad at him. You usually addressed both boys by their last name like some sort of teammate or something.

Remer loved it when when you called him this.

He lifted his head up to meet eyes, going back to attack your lips. He bit down on your bottom lip sucking as he let his hand snake between your thighs, cupping your heat through your shorts. His glasses pressed against your face as he hungrily kissed you. 

He removed his hand to hump against you, his hardened member poking your entrance through both your layers of clothes. You could start to imagine his girth just from that, making your heart beat excitedly in your chest. 

You whined as you gripped his shoulders bringing your hips down to meet his. 

He let out a low moan letting his hips buck back up, on instinct trying to push into you. 

Precum was already starting to leak through his shorts as he was painfully hard, basically getting unintentionally edged when you had interrupted him earlier.

“As much as I like this…last time you said you’d only just begun to show me your mouths abilities..” you mumbled as breathed into his mouth “I wanna see what else that mouth can do.” 

He pulled away grinning. 

“If you insist.” His mouth went back to kissing your body, leaving a trail down to your stomach, Kissing, licking, and sucking all its way. His kisses were hot and wet, leaving a noise every time he let his lips detach from your skin. 

When he made it to your waist band he sat up a little. He tapped your knees. “Up” 

You brought your knees up so they were bent, Doug still in between them. He kissed your navel, licking the skin. 

He sank down between your legs letting his nose rub against you through your shorts.

You gripped the sheets trying not to react. 

“God I can feel the heat through your shorts, I didn’t know you had the hots this bad for me” he simpered up at you. 

Your sure you were bright red from that comment. “Shut up” you scowled at him.

“Cchh-shh, calm down” he shushed. 

He hooked his fingers under your waistband pulling your shorts off. 

A smile crept up on his face as he pulled them past your ankles discarding them somewhere in the room.

“Shit, you do have the hots for me! Look how fuckin’ wet you are- I can see it through your panties” he grinned.

His words made your core throb, probably soaking the fabric even more. Of course you had the hots for him. Though you would never admit it because he could be the biggest ignorant and inconsiderate asshole ever, and you weren’t going to let him live with that satisfaction of his roommate fantasizing about being railed by him. 

“Y-you’re just convenient” you fired back.

“Sure thing boss” he hummed raising his brows.

After taking off your bra, He hooked his fingers under your panties pulling them down, revealing your heat, exposed. You shivered as the cold air hit you. 

He hooked one finger on each side of your underwear displaying it. 

“Mmm- y’know I won’t take your bra but I’m definitely keeping these.” 

You furrowed your brows at him.

“Remer- what did I say about taking my shit?” 

He balled the panties up pressing them up to his nose, inhaling letting his eyes flutter shut. 

The sight made you force out a shaky breath. 

He opened his eyes, moving from between your legs. He moved to his bedside table, shoving the panties in the top drawer. 

“Too bad” he mumbled pushing out his bottom lip, pretending to pout, mocking you. 

He sunk back between your legs, brining his face down to your opening. 

He blew softly on your heat, earning a whine out of you. 

“You look delicious”  he hummed.

You looked down at his curls, unable to see his face. 

“I hope todays an all you can eat buffet” he said chuckling softly. 

You rolled your eyes letting out a small laugh. “You’re stupid Doug.”

“I can’t think smart around you” he responded.

You painfully waited as he teased you, using his fingers to part your lips and mumbling things to himself that you couldn’t understand. 

You whined, trying to urge him to touch or do anything to stimulate you.

“God you’re so fucking wet…” he muttered.

Finally he brought his face forward, starting slow and then picking up his pace, attacking your folds. 

You bucked your hips at the sudden feeling, hand going to grip his hair. 

He sucked on your clit, letting his teeth graze over your bud. 

You pushed his face closer, causing his nose to press into your pubic hair and his glasses smushing against the skin. 

You let out a mewl as he basically made out with your clit sucking at the sensitive skin. Lewd noises filled the room as he hungrily fed on you, echoing in the hot and quiet room. 

He pulled his mouth away moaning softly, looking up at you. Your  juices covering his chin. 

“You taste so sweet” he whined out. 

You reached down to pull his glasses off his face 

“There, now they won’t be in the way” you put them on the dresser. 

He Dove back down blowing on you.

He tsked

“Getting all over my clean sheets, you’re so messy” 

Your cheeks flushed as he made comments about you.

“Gonna have to clean this mess up-“ he pushed his face between your thighs, his tongue entering you. You yanked on his hair. 

“Doug!~” 

He gripped onto your thighs to steady himself as he pushed his face forward seeing how deep his tongue could reach. 

You let out a string of lewd noises as he tongue fucked you, muscles trying to clench around his tongue. his grip tightened on your thighs, definitely leaving bruises.

He lapped at your folds trying to clean up the mess you kept creating. 

You could feel yourself already approaching your high. You hadn’t been touched in forever, let alone like this. And you were embarrassed to already be so close. But you’d never felt this pleasured before. 

You bucked your hips up to meet his thrusts, his nose rubbing against your clit driving you crazy. He let his head relax as you gripped onto his hair, guiding it for him. 

You moved your hips as you guided his head up and down, forcing his nose to stimulate your aching clit. 

“I’m close” you cried as he sucked on your bud, feeling your muscles tighten. 

He pulled his head away as you said that. When he looked up at you, you almost came at the sight. His cheeks were flushed and his nose down to his chin was glistening. He looked at you through half lidded eyes smiling.

You whined at the loss of his mouth, the cold air hitting you again making your muscles clench. 

He sat up going to kiss you, forcing you to taste your own juices. You moaned as he knotted a hand in your hair, tugging gently. 

He brought it around to the front where he squeezed your throat.  You threw your head back gasping softly. 

“Mm y’like that?” He mumbled into your neck nibbling on your ear lobe. 

You nodded. 

He kissed your jaw as he sat up.

“My tongue’s a little tired, I think I’m gonna show you the thing I’m best at” he smirked. 

You gazed up at him through your lashes

“And what’s that” 

He pulled down his shorts tossing them to the side leaving him in boxers, his member straining against them leaving no need for the imagination. A wet patch had leaked through. You pressed two fingers to the dark patch.

“That’s all because of you” he said nodding softly. 

You hooked your fingers in his waistband, pulling them down. His member sprung out slapping against his stomach. He hissed lightly as the cool air hit him. Your eyes widened as you looked at him between your legs. 

It looked even thicker up close and he had a thick bush. This somehow turned you on even more.

He seemed to notice the nervous expression on your face. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll try not to split you in half” he said trying to suppress a smile.

You nodded as you leaned back resting on your elbows.

He rubbed his tip softly, precum leaking from it. He ran a hand down his member slicking it up with his own juices. 

He leaned forward looking down trying to guide himself, a hand on his base.

The only sound was your heavy breathing, your chest rising and falling. 

He kissed your neck softly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll go slow” 

He lined himself up, pressing through your folds and guiding the tip in. You spread your legs apart even more hoping it would help open you up. Luckily you were wet enough for it not to be horrible. 

“So wet I don’t even need lube” he breathed out. 

You screwed your eyes shut digging your nails into his shoulder as he pushed himself in inch my inch. 

Your muscles tightened around him as he slowly inched in until he bottomed out.

He filled you up perfectly. You felt so full.

He pressed his face into the crook of your neck as he let you adjust, waiting for the pained look on your face to go away. 

You gave him a nod and he propped himself up. 

His pace started slow at first. His girth moving in and out of you causing your head to roll back. 

“Oh Doug..” you whimpered.

“Tell me how bad you want it” he mumbled into your ear.”

“I need you…so bad” you mewled cupping his face as he panted into your ear slowly thrusting in and out. 

Those words were all he needed. 

He pulled out to shift you, throwing your legs over his shoulder to get a better angle. 

He Gripped your hips and gave you a quick kiss on the lips before slamming into you. You gasped gripping the sheets. 

He immediately started ramming in and out of you at an inhumane pace.

You used one Hand to grip his shoulders, your nails digging into his soft skin and your other hand naturally went to his hair.

Wet noises filled the room as his hips met yours over and over again.

Doug was not quiet in bed and his moans and whines drove you crazy. He was definitely enjoying this as much as you were. 

He leaned forward to give you a kiss every now and then, his nose pressing against your face. Though kissing wasn’t very successful. So lust drunk that it was basically you just moaning and panting into each other’s open mouths. 

“So fucking tight- gonna loosen you up so much that you’ll feel empty unless I’m the one fucking you” he growled into your ear.

You nodded crying out as you yanked on his hair, his head falling back. You watched his eyes screw shut and his mouth hang open. 

“Oh god..” he whimpered.

“Do that again” he begged as he fucked you harder, the headboard starting to hit the wall. 

You tugged again harder this time.

“So good babe” he mewled. One of his hands went to your throat clamping around it as he fucked you senseless. Hips snapping forward. 

You screwed your eyes shut as he cut off your airway feeling the high within your brain. Every few seconds he loosen his grip to hear you moan and let you breathe. 

You felt your legs shake as they sat on his shoulders, heat pooling in your stomach. 

Doug was determined to have you finish before him. He pressed a hand to your lower stomach increasing the pleasure.

You cried out, bucking your hips do meet his thrusts. 

“Oh fuck Doug- I’m so close” you cried as he pressed in your stomach.

He nodded, a bead of sweat dripping down his face. 

“Look at this (y/n)!” He grabbed your hair, yanking your head up to watch him thrusting inside you. You moaned as he did so. 

“I’m the only one who can fill you this good!” He raised his voice, but a shaky whimper remained behind it. 

“I’m the only one who can fill up a slut like you” he growled. His words sent you over the edge as you clenched around him, earning a high groan from him. 

He furrowed his eyebrows as he let your hair go, letting you fall back into the pillows. Your body buzzed as he thrust into your sensitive spots, making you whimper. 

His hand came up to palm your breast as he felt you start to clench around him, rolling your nipple between his fingers.

“Doug I’m close~..” you panted. 

He nodded. “Come for me- look at me when you do” 

You lifted your head to make eye contact with him as he thrust into you. You clenched around him as he watched you, his mouth slightly open. 

You gripped his shoulders as you felt yourself peak. 

“Mm say my name when you cum” he told you. He thrusted over and over into your sensitive spot as you reached your climax.

You felt your eyes roll back as your body clenched around him, shaking.

“Jesus- Doug!” You cried out as you came, harder than you had in a long time. 

“M right here baby” he assured you, as he slowed down his pace a little.

You panted as you came down. He kissed you as you came back. 

“M right behind you” he slowed down pulling out, his length fully erect and painfully hard. 

You rushed to sit up shaking as you wrapped a hand around his length, pumping it as fast as you could get your buzzing arms to go. He sat between your legs moaning as he tugged on his own hair whimpering obscenities. 

“M’ cumming” he warned. 

You bit your lip panting as you sped up, rubbing his tip. 

“Oh fuck, yes- yes (y/n)!” He cried 

You watched as his eyes rolled back and hot cum spirted from his tip, getting on your stomach. 

His mouth hung open as he came to, panting.

“Holy shit” he mumbled.

You nodded.

“And you were down the hall this whole time?” He breathed. 

He looked down at you, propped up on your elbows, cum on your stomach and your own juices wetting the sheets beneath you.

He grabbed a tshirt from the floor cleaning your stomach.

Gross.

He laid down next to you, putting on his glasses and looking at you with half lidded eyes, pulling the blankets over you both.

“So m’ i any good?” He smirked kissing your jaw.

You nodded, still exhausted. “I can’t believe we hadn’t done this sober yet” 

He nodded in agreement. “I can’t imagine how that time we were wasted went” 

“I’ve been wanting you for so long” he smiled.

“Yeah?”

He hummed. “Yeah”

“Was it as good as you imagined?” You asked

“Better” he panted running a hand through his hair. 

You sat in silence for a bit, listening to the air conditioning.

“Next time it’ll be even better” he assured you.

“Who said there’s gonna be a next time?”you said turning to face him. 

He smiled “what, are you saying you didn’t enjoy this enough to do it again?” 

You shook your head “wasn’t saying that at all…” 

“Mm so like I said next time will be even better” he repeated turning to burry his head in the crook of your neck and splay an arm around your waist. 

[denjilvrr]

[4:15 AM] AKI HAYAKAWA

“im going to be so tired for work tomorrow.” you thought as you walked into the local corner store. it was 4:15 am and you had work tomorrow morning at 6 but these past few nights have been sleepless.

you walked through the isles searching for your go-to “midnight” snack. grabbing cup ramen, a few candy bars, and a slurpee. not the best mix but it sure put you to sleep with a stomach ache waiting in the morning.

you go up to the counter and patiently wait as the cashier rings up youre items. “8 dollars and 56 cents.” he says. you pull out your wallet and hand him 6 dollars in cash, maybe he’ll let it slide because you come here all the time.

he looks at you kind of funny, “um.. youre 2 dollars and 56 cents short.” you smiled, “can you let it slide this once, please. i dont have cash on me and my card is at home. i come here all the time, me and you are practically friends! so please, just let it slide..?”

“nope! sorry i cant do that,” he laughed, “also we’re not friends.” “oh please just this once ill pay you back tomorrow!” he just shook his head no as you sighed in defeat, grabbing the stuff to put it back, when suddenly you ran into someone who was standing a little to close.

“oh sorry about that, excuse me.” you said as you picked up the candy that had fallen out your hands. “no, my fault, i was standing too close.” the guy said, “by the way if you dont have the money i can pay for it.”

was he listening to the conversation? “oh i couldn’t do that, no thank you!” you said already feeling embarrassed because you didnt have enough cash to pay, but now you couldnt have a stranger pay for it!

“no its alright, theres a deal with the ramen anyways, so just put it with my stuff and give me the cash you have.” you obliged and set your stuff back onto the counter. “thank you..”

“of course, i couldnt have a person go hungry.” he said so casually. you didnt know what it was but something about his attitude made you feel happy.

he paid for his and your stuff and you thanked him again before walking out and sitting at the near by table to eat your ramen, when suddenly the chair infront of you was pulled out.

it was the guy who paid for your stuff. he didnt say anything but ate his ramen comfortably as you kind of just stared at him. “umm thank you again, i really appreciate it.” you said trying to break the silence.

“oh no problem, but whats someone like you are you doing up at this hour? its late you know.” he questioned. “oh! i just couldnt sleep for some reason and this usually helps me, because i get full.” you answered, “also whats youre name?”

“my name is aki, ive seen you around these last couple nights, are you new to the area?” he asked. “oh no, im not,” you laughed, “i lived here for quite a while now but just been coming here these last couple of nights because my sleeplessness.”

aki nodded and took another bite of his ramen, before you spoke up. “i could give you what i owe you another day, just give me contact information.” you said pushing youre phone towards him.

“is this your way of asking for my number?” he chuckled, “but you dont have to repay me in cash, just keep coming here and having some ramen with me, it gets a little lonely eating here by myself at 4am.

you agreed and aki put his information on your phone. the rest of the time you 2 just talked about nonsense until it was 4:45 and you had to leave.

hi guys im back ! (kind of) this has been in my head the last couple of days and decided to write it really quickly since i have nothing better to do lol. might start writing again, who knows ⇨ REBLOGS ARE APPRECIATED <3

[lipslikethegardensofbabylon]

now that i’ve had sufficient time to digest it i’m going to share my (spoiler) eras tour thoughts:

- lover set

lover and rep were my favorite sets. the opening is artistic and so beautiful, screaming cruel summer was a religious experience, the archer brought me tears, i loved hearing lover live even if it pains her to sing it :( the man was honestly never my top on the album neither was yntcd but they were fun to dance and sing to. plus the lover outfits are all GOD TIER i’ll fight people on this

- fearless set

when she sang ybwm i literally blacked out and ascended i don’t remember a thing but i was told later that the whole stadium was shaking. that’s how many people were jumping. this was in the 100s and 200s. and yes i did the double clap

- evermore set

ttds is one of my favorite and most beautiful songs. she had so much fun performing champagne problems and i love a piano moment. tolerate it didn’t do it for me but that’s never been my fave. marjorie made me cry so hard. our show was the first that did the lights and i loved taylor’s reaction

- reputation set

literally all of it was so good i wouldn’t change a thing except to add even more songs. lwymmd was always that bitch and the performance reminds me of the height of the mv like both are filled with so much imagery i’m still thinking about it

- speak now set

i love you baby but enchanted was never a fave off of speak now but i’m glad everyone else loves her so much

- red set

this was a fun set but as much as i loooove red/red tv this set was just okay for me. i think it’s bc i’ve seen so much red content and listened to that album soo much idk it just wasn’t a top one for me. i think if she played ones i loved (holy ground, state of grace, treacherous, better man etc) instead of the hits i’d feel differently. her performance of atw was show stopping though

- folklore set

mtr was beautiful and chilling how much heart she puts into it. i feel kind of similar vibes with the red set where if she’d played my faves (i’m looking at you mirrorball) i’d feel differently but it wasn’t one of my faves. but the folklore dresses are all serves

- 1989 set

wildest dreams live was soooo good and i heard mixed reviews re: shake it off but considering this was like 2~ hours into dancing it awakened something in me and i shook, my friends. bad blood was SO GOOD like SO GOOD but she’s always been a fave. the beginning of the set was cute too bc my love went to the bathroom and came back when it was starting and actually had gone to the merch line and bought me a tee shirt lol

- midnights set

i was honestly tired by this point lol. vigilante shit was just such a moment i was torn between wanted to record the whole thing and wanted to drink that tall blonde glass of water with my eyeballs. i still love that hard sit she does. i wish maroon was on the setlist but i know we cannot have everything. i loved bejeweled but the visuals for it were kind of creepy with the actual diamond eyes. it kinda reminded me of rep

- my surprise songs:

guitar: the other side of the door, high infidelity. i honestly have never really listened to tosod but it was so fun watching her sing it, and high infidelity was soooo fun to hear live on april 29th lol

piano: coney island, gorgeous. coney island was coincidentally a song i’d been singing a lot to myself but the piano performance of it was beautiful. i also felt v special that we got the first reputation song AND it was gorgeous AND it was on piano like literally dayd before i’d texted my friend how gorgeous on piano would be so pretty but what i didn’t realize was how fun it’d be lol

bonus: we also got the cat joke and when our show ended it was raining outside so everything was perf <3

[binarybitex]

monday, 04/08/2024

below the cut: updates on Heart Hollow, a snippet from today's writing, as well as a little peek into my busy body kind of day :-)

genuinely such a productive day. I slept for like 14 hours, had some wacky dreams, and woke up feeling completely revitalized !!

I wanted to get some writing done this morning but ahhh kinda stressed out. this week I have a lot of responsibilities to tend to. so I decided to just get a bunch of chores done and brainstorm out loud to myself as I tidied up. and wow what a motivation tactic! I have so much fun just spit balling while doing mindless tasks like cleaning that I just... kept cleaning!

I went to the grocery store too, and made chocolate chip cookies for me and my partner. took a shower to wash off all the cleaning chemicals I felt lingering on my skin. yucky. thinking about it, all I had to eat today was a coke zero and a chocolate chip cookies. no wonder my stomach hurts lmao

I wrote down some of the ideas I've had over the weekend. I'm reworking the structures of books 2 and 3. it's hard not to get too ahead of myself... I still have a first book to finish!! ahhh.... I just think book 2 is going to be a lot of fun to write. I just love writing romance so much.

around sundown I decided to actually sit down and open up Heart Hollow. the past week or so I've been aching to rework what I have for chapter 10. like I've been saying, this chapter has been killing me for months. I think I finally got it down though.... I really needed to consider what lewis was feeling after certain events in the upcoming chapter Boss Babysitter. (so hard to talk about it without spoiling !!)

i wrote until a quarter till midnight and now I'm finally laying down in bed ..... had to force myself bc my document was starting to look like a jumbled mess to my tired eyes lmao... oh and I guess bc I have time sensitive responsibilities tomorrow too.... whatever tho 🙄 lol

and, from today's writing burst, a little snippet. the only snippet I could share that doesn't flat out spoil anything aaagghh.......

eeeeek I can't wait for boss babysitters release. I know I keep saying that I JUST want to be prepared before I send it out into the world. id like to have more writing on deck so I don't leave y'all hanging on ANOTHER cliff hanger for months ...... sorry about that btw. I know the mirror break is a fat fucking ball to drop and leave off on..... lmao 💀

[pagesofkenna]

@uchuuryokou said: "whats your hockey team"

(answering publicly so I can make everyone else see lmao)

we're the Coachella Valley Firebirds!!

we were put together in this last year as an American Hockey League (AHL, 2nd tier professional league) affiliate team of the Seattle Krakens (NHL) because someone thought it would be fun to build a world-class state-of-the-art ice hockey arena in the middle of the desert!

things I want to say bc I can't even organize my thoughts around this:

this is out first pro sports team in our area for ANY sport. previously if you wanted to support a local team/go to professional games, you had to drive two hours up to Los Angelos. something about having a team IN my hometown* (and the arena a five minute drive away from me!) has made me FULLY understand the sports home team pride. I bought over 100 bucks worth of merch just on a whim lol

*my hometown technically! they're not the Palm Springs Firebirds or the Coachella Firebirds or the Indio Firebirds, they're repping the WHOLE Coachella Valley!! one of their taglines is 'One Valley. One Team. Rising Together' and it's so cheesy but I'm so into it this is our team lets gooooo

BIRD MASCOT

whenever two teams are competing but I don't officially support either side, my order of operations for picking a team to root for are 1) loved one's team, 2) bird mascot, 3) cat mascot, 4) green logo, 5) how do I feel about the state/city playing. the Firebirds hit BOTH of my first two categories in one!

FIREBIRD MASCOT it's such a good marrying of the hot desert climate with the ice hockey sport (given the Firebird comes from Slavic folklore)! they do a lot of 'fire and ice' imagery in promo material, and the team we're competing with this week ALSO have fire in their imagery/official colors, so when we play them we wear 'ice blue' and there's blue flames on the scoreboard. our branding team is so good

(I recently started working for a company that's based in Rochester, New York, and their AHL team is the Rochester Americans. you can see how bad team names/mascots can be in this league lmao)

our team is actually good! we got a lot of investment money so we managed to get lots of players with NHL experience, some really good coaches I think, and we're second overall in our division! I don't know enough about how hockey works to know WHY we're doing so well but I'm proud of our boys!! 😭

the only two games I've been to have been against the first overall in our division, the Calgary Wranglers, who are ALSO a new team this year and they're ALSO very good (clearly). the thing that really stands out to me from both those games is how clean and precise the Wranglers play. they're so coordinated! i hate them! compared to them, we're so sloppy, all over the place, fumbling passes and leaving our goalie to do all the work protecting the goal

(our goalie is very good obv we love him, but he shouldn't have to be doing so much work! our boys need to pull it together!)

generally I feel like our boys don't coordinate well (and they're also not as fast) so I joke that they all think they're the main character in the inspirational sports movie that is our first season. but also. could they please stop fumbling passes i swear

on Monday night we played our third game in this series against the Wranglers and it went into triple overtime, they played until midnight, before we finally landed another goal and won the game 3:2!

Wednesday, the game I went to, the Wranglers landed a goal halfway through second period, and we lost 0:1. it was so close!! we defended well but also so did our opponents!

that ties this series of games at 2 wins for the Firebirds, 2 wins for the Wranglers, with the final tiebreaker game TONIGHT. if we win, we go on to represent our entire division up against another division to play for the Calder Cup. if we lose, our season is over and the Wranglers move up. obviously we've got to win; it's a home game and everything! i'm SO stressed about this!

[mejomonster]

So I started Tomb of the Sea again:

Ok so. I went in fresh instead of "craving" more of a specific dmbj thing and I think it made me much more open to it

I actually love how it opens a ton. Li Cu's life is given to us and it's a hot fucking mess. He and one of his only friends are 2/3 who failed the college entrance exam. His dad is so nightmarish he's got claustrophobia (and learned how to Pick Locks which I'm sure will be useful later). He skips class and is glad his mom ran and I wish he could too ;-;

His "best" friend Su Wan stalks girls with cameras so lmao he Ain't A Good kid, but he is a Rich Kid and puts up with Li Cu since they got a special "wtf are we doing" energy so at least Li Cu's got A friend. Questionable friend. But Su Wan seems open to helping friends and warm despite some Yikes immaturity levels and Yikes choices so li cu can you just run away to live with him?

The girl friend Shen Qiong? I forgot her name sorry you know who I mean. Now with fresh eyes, I really like the 2 bogs "liking her' and the little rivalry about it. That Li Cu seems to like her in the sense of Sincerely caring maybe deeper than Su Wan. But on the other hand Su Wan definitely wants to kiss her more lmao. The 3 of them scream friends since childhood and I picture them as sora riku Kairi now (but who is who I'm not sure). The Little friends with a crush inside the friendgroup plot feels so NICELY like a different genre - like Go Ahead or something that's realism slice of life so parents are potentially abusive or life's fucking Heavy sometimes, but they're still TEENS who care most about avoiding punishment and talking to crushes and being silly alone with friends. It's a taste of what "genre' I guess Li Cu's life would've been if he never intersected the tomb raiders. A dark heavy realism piece like The Bond (starring Bai Yu). But with that human simple joy of friends/found family in the bright spots.

On that note: they paint a picture of how grungy and miserable Li Cu's negative aspects of life are and that works SO WELL. Wu Xies life before tomb raiding? We get the sense Maybe his parents were sometimes absent, and definitely coddled him and picked a life path NOT like the Wu family's and tried to push him. And the whole San Shu abandonment/codependency thing wu xie developed ToT. But overall wu xies family had good money, sent him to a good college, he was perfectly smart, could get his own business, he had friends (although his penchant for tombs means he transitioned to more killer/criminal types over time lol). He had a very nice easygoing civilian life before things went to shit when San shu left him. He craved Excitement, knowledge, danger, curiosity. But he wasn't running from anything and his life would not have been "worse" had he never went into tomb raiding (he'd lack his loved ones who are tomb raiders of course but u know what I mean - he wouldn't know he was missing those friendships). His biggest pain if he'd kept to civilian life (and enjoyed it - but he didnt) would've been his fucking uncle San abandoning him and his pain at not going to look for him. That'd be mostly it though. But LI CU? Even a person kidnapping him is preferable to the 24 hours he goes through in the first ep.

Li Cus apartment window faces a fucking wall, he's got claustrophobia and his dad locks him in, his college prospects are dead in the water, his best friend/crush is going off to college (more on her later), his friends still around keep getting into fights so he's beat up at like 12 midnight with them, his teacher keeps calling his dad increasing the abuse from that, he's broke, his moms gone and he clearly loves her so he's missing her. He IS the kind of protagonist who'd want to leave for any New Life. He loves his friends but if they're taken he'd have NO reason to remain, even with his friends he'd likely leave his dad if given Any decent opportunity like a job with money. Unlike Wu Xie, Li Cu doesn't leave for adventure or trying to find a loved one (San shu), Li Cu is instead trapped and it TAKES absolutely batshit events to "free" him which just put him in a new trap of kidnapping. It's just Very Cool to me to see the contrast.

And to END the ep with Wu Xie saying his name, revealing he's the kidnapper and the spies are his. The stabber who harmed Li Cu was HIS guy. I love the flip from wu xie usually being painted as the shiny kindhearted (somewhere in there) adventurous young man, to this shady cruel (in Li Cu's opinion the source of EVEN WORSE than his ordinary life) man who echoes San shu. It must've been fun to set that up.

The girl. Sheng Qiong?? OK I'm just curious if in another Novel it mentions she ALEEADY went tomb raiding. Or something. It seems Iike she went with wu xie (or other tomb raiders) people while on "vacation travelling" then maybe stole their magic tentacle monster box and. Who the Fuck knows why she gave it to Li Cu... either she hoped to hide it with him, or she intentionally wanted to hurt him (I assume she just wanted to hide it). But yeah she seems to know WAY more about the tomb side of shit. I'm curious if we'll find out more.

TENTACLE MONSTERS WHAT DID I SAY. I still LOVE this shows opening. I love the body horror of the mini version jumping into li cu. I love how genuinely SCARY tomb of the sea is compared to some other dmbj seasons. It looks good, the action looks good, the horror looks good and LANDS <3

The pacing is good so far thank fuck (I'll drift away if pacing tanks tbh)

Ep 1 is Li Cu's no good very bad day THEN when you thought it couldn't get worse it turns out it's just a Normal day for him, and then spies come in so it's Action Adventure now instead of teen slice of life realism, THEN a tentacle monster shows up jumps into him and its HORROR then the guy fucking STABS HIM AND THEN WANG MENG KIDNAPS HIM (go you wang meng you were very intimidating and <3 love u I hope u get paid more. Love the show implying wang meng is so hot he makes doctors forget their oaths). Like... it sure does ESCALATE into a terrifying nightmare esque situation and I love thattttt

[basalamander-corner]

Camp NaNoWriMo Week 3 Progress

The first two weeks went by smoothly, and I reached the halfway point of my goal yesterday, which is awesome! Unfortunately, I didn't finish part 2 yet, as it's shaping up to be a bit longer than I expected it to. Regardless, progress is still progress!

Project Name: The Shifting Tides (side blog is @the-shifting-tides-wip)

Goal: 30k words

Tagline: Sometimes we must fight for a future we ourselves cannot see.

Genres: Fantasy, LGBT+, Romance, Adventure, Young Adult

Week 3 progress under the cut!

Day 15

Words typed: 533

Total words: 15,796

Times updated: 2

Although I updated twice today, I didn't write very much. Regardless, I'm still at my word count goal for today! The voyage has finally brought Saran and co. to the island, and hopefully in a few chapters we'll get to the main plot!

Day 16

Words typed: 1,177

Total words: 16,973

Times updated: 1

Woohoo! I skipped around a little from here (because that's my writing process, lol) and got to one of the more pivotal events of this draft. Specifically, the following line:

And in a single, fluid motion, the lepinl surged forward, skewering Saran with their massive horns.

I'll go back to write part 2 at a later date. Maybe not this month, but I'll have to finish it eventually.

Day 17

Words typed: 999

Total words: 17,972

Times updated: 1

Yo! I typed a pretty cool number today, exactly one away from 1k! I probably could have made it into 1k if I really wanted to, but honestly I was getting tired. I started writing at 10:30pm and finished just before midnight, so I honestly needed the break!

Day 18

Words typed: 181

Total words: 18,153

Times updated: 1

I'm hoping this will be the lowest number I type for this project. I've been really burnt out even though we're so close to being done! I think it has more to do with my recital coming up and the fact that I'm overwhelmed with schoolwork more than my draft, though.

Day 19

Words typed: 1,149

Total words: 19,302

Times updated: 1

I thought yesterday was a fluke, and it looks like I was right! I managed to write over 1k words in one sitting today (and that sitting lasted about an hour), so I feel really good about it. I just finished one of the most heartbreaking scenes in this draft so far, and I'm loving how much I've tortured Saran. This next scene will help move forward his relationship with Viridian, and I'm hoping to get to their first "awkwardly romantic" scene at some point!

Day 20

Words typed: 989

Total words: 20,291

Times updated: 1

Viridian and Saran's relationship is very rocky at the moment. Viridian has discovered that Saran is actually a holindal, and he's not sure how to feel! He thinks Saran is about to kill him, although Saran tries to convince him he won't actually do that. It's going to take a little while before they can learn to trust each other...

Day 21

Words typed: 1,124

Total words: 21,415

Times updated: 2

Although it won't be this way on the NaNo website, I actually updated twice today! Once during class (I know, I should have been focusing!) and once later at night. I did skip around a little because the inspiration for the current chapter wasn't hitting me, but that doesn't matter!

There's only 9 days left, a little over a week! I can't believe I've made it this far, and I hope I can continue updating daily!

@the-wip-project

[rowanoke]

I'm home now. Went to the bar after work. I actually had to run home first to drop off some stuff I bought at work.

As soon as I got to the bar, I took my seat, ordered a drink, and my fucking nose started bleeding

This is my 7th nosebleed in exactly 1 month. My first one of the dry season was Nov 17th at like 2pm, and my 7th one happened Dec 17th at like quarter after midnight.

It lasted about 40 minutes. About half as long as the average among those 7. One of the shortest. It was just a trickle of blood, really. Puke you'd see when a character has overused their psychic powers.

For 5/7 of these nose bleeds, my nose has gushed and sprayed blood like a horny anime protag. And other than those 2 that were just a trickle of blood, they all lasted over an hour.

To be honest, I'm a little afraid of what could be causing my nose to bleed so much.

I know it's not the most reliable source, but Google says I should be worried if my nose bleed lasts more than 20 minutes or happens 6 times in a month. None of my nose bleeds have lasted less than half an hour, and I'm at 7 now.

Idk if something is wrong with my nose, and is making it bleed constantly, or maybe I have something like hemophilia or leukemia.

I don't have insurance, or a primary care physician to talk to about this. Several emergency and urgent csre visits that were over $2k usd, some of which were billed at over $6k usd. I have literally tens of thousands of dollars in medical debt.

I know something is wrong. I can feel it. I'm frequently lightheaded, and I've almost passed out several times. I've been lethargic, and haven't had much of an appetite. I'll start shaking at random throughout the day, which I've noticed has happened when I have a panic attack since I was like 13, but without the other signs and symptoms of a panic attack, just the shaking.

Anyway. My physical and mental health have been rapidly declining over the past month, and now I'm in my first depressive episode since like, March or April of this year.

If you saw my post at my lunch, you might have seen that I had already cried 3 times in the first half of my shift. In the second half, after my lunch, I only cried twic.

The last few days for me have felt like the embodiment of Murphy's law. What could go wrong, has gone wrong.

My boyfriend and I are fighting right now, and they won't be staying with me from Christmas to new year's anymore. Also I won't be seeing them on Christmas anymore. Tbh I don't know if we're going to stay together through new year's. Part of me feels like we'll break up before then.

My fucking apartment complex towed my car a few weeks ago and I didn't find out until like the 15th, meaning the lot that impounded my car - which charges by the day - had already billed me at $290 and I won't be able to get a ride out there until Tuesday (which is gonna cost me like $350 at that point, and I have to pay them to tow my car back because it's not even fucking running right now so I can't drive it home)

TW: Suicide mention, self harm mention

Tonight I've thought about suicide for the first time in... probably 8 or 9 months. Like, actually thought about it, not just "I'm gonna kill myself lol" which happens any time something mildly inconvenient happens.

I thought about self harm tonight. For the first time in a l o n g fucking time. The last time I self harmed with a blade, which is what I was thinking about tonight, I was 17. It's been over 6 years since I've done that, but the cold kiss of the blade was calling my name tonight.

I've always hated the holiday season.

I'm from a split family made of split families. Growing up, I went to probably 5 or 6 Christmases per year on average. Each one with different members of my absurdly large family, unrelated to the other groups but all connected through me.

I never felt like I belonged at any of them.

Maybe it's because I'm autistic.

Maybe it's because I'm just bad with names and faces

Maybe it's because I grew up among so many households, I have hundreds of family members, but I only met most of them a handful of times, some of them only once or twice in my life.

This year for Christmas my best friend and I are gonna get drunk and watch anime.

I love her. We used to date. Then we fucked behind our S/O's backs, and then we learned how to be friends. We really just had to fuck once to break the sexual tension.

But anyway, her family is going to Florida or something without her. And I'm not going to visit my boyfriend anymore.

I actually made plane with my best friend first, then cancelled on them to go visit my boyfriend. They even said they would give me a ride to the train station so I could catch a train across the state Christmas morning.

But since my boyfriend and I are fighting now, we're not doing that. I won't be seeing them for the rest of the year.

So I but them my best friend up and she's cool with just picking up our original plans where we left off. She's the best.

She's been telling me, literally for months, that my boyfriend isn't the right one for me. That I should find someone who wants the same things as me, instead of someone who I have to compromise with. Win-win instead of lose-lose.

I don't know what I want right now. Literally 3 or 4 days ago I was so happy. My boyfriend got us promise rings and did like a proposal at the park while we were taking Christmas photos and it was the single most romantic thing anybody has ever done for me.

And now I'm having second thoughts about the whole relationship.

Any time I try to have a conversation about my feelings or boundaries in our relationship, I feel like there's a 50/50 chance they'll either give me a hug and tell me they'll happily do that for me, or they'll get really upset and we won't talk for 2 or 3 days and it will be really tense for like a week. I really don't feel safe or comfortable bringing up those conversations because I never know whether they'll give me a hug or the silent treatment.

We started out as polyamorous, then we were in an open relationship (free to have other sexual partners, but not romantic partners), and we're currently completely monogamous until we sort some things out

Except that my boyfriend still has another sexual partner that they're seeing and have refused to stop. They said it was a personal boundary of theirs and not to even ask them to stop, so I haven't. But I'm really not comfortable with it. And they were with him today, and that's what lead me to being a whole mess today

That alone is making me question things. Add on top of that that I don't feel safe bringing up boundaries with them... I don't know if we'll make it until the end of the year at this point...

On an unrelated note, I'm 2 days into 5 nights of closing in a row. I normally only work 2 or 3 days in a row, and normally only close on Fridays and Saturdays, so it's already weird enough closing instead of going in at noon Mon-Wed, but also 5 nights in a row?

I was this 🤏 close to calling off work tn and it was only the second shift of five.

I hate my fucking job and I resent the fact that I have to work in order to justify my fucking existence under capitalism.

I just want to spend all day browsing the web and learning way too much about niche topics and playing and making video games

But even though I have a fucking degree in game design and 10 fucking years of experience with C++ I have to work at fucking cvs because I can't get a job as a designer.

I don't think I posted about it, but I've been putting in applications to like, all of the game studios in Michigan. Of the applications I sent in, only one made it to the point of the design test, and I didn't make it past that.

I've been looking for a job as a game designer for 8 months now and haven't even been able to get an interview.

My relationship is falling apart. My dead-end job isn't going anywhere and I can't get a job in my field. I hate the holiday season. My whole life feels like it's crumbling before my eyes.

Fuck.

Fu k fuck fuck fuck fuck fu k fu k f uck dcuk fuck duck fu k fuck duck fuck fuck fuck duck fuck fuck fuck fuck fick fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck duck fuck fuck fuck fuck fick fuckfuck fuck fuck fuck

[ayearlaterletters]

15jul2024 - 17jul2024

Hi Michael, 3 days have passed and I'm writing this on 17jul. Let's just recap the days since we've been together.

15july2024 Monday: you started your new job and I worked in the morning. after work you went home to do some errands then you dropped off flowers and chocolates. short visit but you had to go home and take care of some things. lowkey sad I only saw you for like 5 minutes but better to see you regardless of time. wish I could've seen you longer but I'm happy you're alive. I was feeling a bit down so I decided to take a drive to La Jolla Shores. I haven't been to the beach since last month before my trip to Waikiki. It was cloudy at the beach but sunny where I reside. the weather was chilly but that didn't stop people from having fun on the beach. I decided to read a couple chapters from my book, and then I started to feel hungry so I went to my fave pizza shop around the corner. i get my usual 2 slices and 16oz beer for $15. they didn't have my typical pizza slices so I got the ricotta and spinach slice and a veggie slice because that's all they had left. i think during this time you were taking a shower, cooking dinner - you said you made a stir fry, and by the time I got home you were watching tv. i don't remember the show name it was long but I called you to say goodnight and the day ended. i thought about calling you but I didnt want to bother you since u were watching your tv show. we both understand that sometimes we need alone time. i wish u called me because u told me u were having a panic attack. you said it was no big deal but panic attacks are something serious. I'm just glad u are okay. even if we don't talk i think about you. i miss u always.

16july2024 Tuesday: you went to work and it was officially my first day off in a very long time. after work you went to target then picked me up. we talked in the car and i admit i was feeling homesick and i needed a hug. you told me what triggered ur panic attack. Memorable: I told you to not be sorry for waking me up or being a bother. you are not a burden and I always welcome you in my energy, space, and aura. then you wanted to tear up because you said no one has told you that before or made u feel that way. as a child we are to be seen and not heard. once again we had another connection that made us feel closer and loved.

we finally made it to the fancy hotel for our rooftop cinema date which planned a week prior but didn't book it until like days before. it was your first time watching the notebook and I haven't seen the notebook as an adult so it was like my first time too. i cried and you teared up. def not expecting a death scene but its the cutest and sweetest. if ever we are old together and I need to rejog your memory I would read you our love story daily. we also dranked some fancy cocktails. i had a blue hawaiian my favorite and u had a berry sangria. we were both feeling it. i also beat you in connect 4 and we each both got connect 5 lol. we made out in the parking lot because we went back to get the tissues. we took every escalator to the cinema lol.and the view with the best person equals a beautiful lovely night. we went to armandos got some food, drove back to coronado centienal park and ate along the edge to see the nice view of downtown, then we snuck off to make some love in a random dark street with like one lamp glowing. we didn't finish until like an hour and 30 mins later it was for sure almost 2am and we started at like midnight. i knocked out and snored on the phone with u and u drove home, took a shower, slept with me on the phone, I woke u up to let you know your alarm was ringing, u fell back asleep, then got ready for work. by the time I woke up around 9am u hung up I figured since u were at work. the day with u is amazing. ur amazing. and I cant wait for our staycation because I get to be with my handsome man. the one I'm so deeply attracted to...intellectually, emotionally, physically, and deeply spiritually!

17july2024: i slept all day i woke up then fell back asleep i didnt officially get up outta bed until like 4pm then I decide to clean my room and reorganize my room. finally lol because its been something I want to do but I don't. u went to work then after work you went home, showered, talk to your granddad, made chicken rice and brocolli, then called me. we are currently on the phone. currently our time call will hit 4 hours! yeah you've been asleep since the sun's been up. but we didn't get home until late last night like almost 2am. i like sleeping on the phone with you. i wish we could sleep together. i am very excited for our staycation :)

[umichenginabroad]

[week 3] (Rome)ing Around Europe

Ahoj everyone! 

Welcome back to my blog where I’ll be going through week 3 in the Czech Republic! We are now on “Ahoj” terms (it’s an informal way of saying hello other than dobrý den!). It was another hectic nonstop week for me (per usual) so let’s start off with my class days. Classes have started to pick up a little bit of speed as our humanity course will be ending next week, but they have still been very manageable. This week I have all my final projects and exams for my Cross Cultural Management class and a midterm for my Engineering Statistics class, so hopefully those will all go well!

Before class I went to a really fun cafe called CafeDu (shoutout Jules for the recommendation), where I wrote my week 2 blog and had an amazing cappuccino and banh mi sandwich. Continuing on my food tour of last week, I decided to try out a local Vietnamese restaurant which was absolutely amazing. Fun fact about Prague, there is a large Vietnamese population which has led to an influx in fantastic Vietnamese cuisine in the city. On Wednesday night my roommates and I finally went to the Anonymous Shrink’s Office bar after booking our reservation two weeks prior. The concept of the bar is that you pick your drinks based on the abstract paintings that they provide you with, it was such a unique experience and I look forward to coming back at some point. 

Moving into Thursday morning, I left my apartment super early for my flight to Rome! For anyone curious about budget airlines in Europe, I flew Wizzair on this trip and the experience was pretty smooth for the most part, but it definitely is comparable to slightly better than Spirit Airlines. 

On this trip to Rome, I met my friend who was also studying abroad with CEA and it was a great experience to see him in Europe! Of course the weekend I booked this trip Rome had a crazy heat wave and our main two walking days were upwards of 100 degrees fahrenheit, super fun time lol. Nevertheless, we ended up exploring most of the city and walked around 40 miles for the weekend. Some of the main spots we hit were:

St. Peter’s Basilica/ Vatican City

Trevi Fountain

Spanish Steps

Coliseum and Roman Forums

Emmanuel Vittore

We explored much more of the city but those were a few of the main destinations. One of the highlights was definitely the food in Rome, we honestly had great meals the entire time we were there and tried most of the Italian classics which were fantastic. Another highlight was going to the Trevi Fountain at 4 am to meet our friend who flew in from Paris (from another CEA study abroad). It's insane how crowded the fountain is even until like 2 am, thankfully it was much more peaceful when we went. Here are some food pics and me posing with two of the best tiramisu I’ve ever had:

Overall, I absolutely loved Rome, especially the vibrant greenery, culture, and how kind the people were. However it wasn’t a completely smooth trip. When I was heading back to Prague on Sunday night, my flight was delayed by two hours so I ended up landing at 10:30 pm. After refusing to pay 800 Czech crowns for the Bolt back to my apartment, I decided to use public transport and made it back very easily at around midnight. (this is also why this blog is coming out a bit late)

Buttt I think that about sums it up for this past week. Tomorrow I’ll be heading to Lake Bled, Slovenia which I am so excited for and can’t wait to share with you all! Thank you so much for reading and I’ll see y’all next week!

Matt Sinanis :)

Aerospace Engineering

Engineering in Prague

[starsoakednight]

20-6-24

Day 6

I have slept for a total of 8 hours in 2 days. I feel alright, to be honest. Today in the morning, anxiety and tiredness were making me think all sorts of catastrophic thoughts of losing control and staying like this forever so much that I booked an early session with my therapist. My head felt tired but not heavy tired, more like stretched thin tired and all I could worry about if I was developing clinical depression. I felt surprisingly meh about the whole thing and that worried me even more that why was I feeling so detached. Lol. Never *ever* trust your mood and your thoughts when you are 1) tired/sleep deprived, 2) hungry and 3) its past midnight. A whole different you is operating under these conditions.

The weather was so gorgeous today. It rained and it’s been windy since- a blessing after these past days of intense heat. I take the sky very seriously and I was grateful for the weather today and for God for setting it up when I needed it the most. I took the day off from work and my seniors were also supportive even though the anxiety was making me worry about what they would say (and that is what kept me up after fajr when I realised, I had work to get up to in a few hours and I hadn’t been able to get any sleep).

Both his real self and his fantasy self are starting to feel a bit distant atleast in this moment. I think the real person is fading away quicker than I thought. When I look back and recall all the anxiety I got in our interactions (for whatever reasons), I am not keen to go back to a dynamic like that. His fantasy self seems to be narrowing to specific things too- my fantasies about him now are more “realistic” than they were before and this is how I know I am coming to terms with the reality of the situation. I think in my head, maybe I have started slowly saying goodbye. I got a little teary photographing the sky- it reminded me how I used to strategize my social media posts based on our common interests just to get him to notice or message me which he never did. I never did either, to be honest. I was so desperate for him to talk to him and so hopeful I would get my chance on my own terms. I always saw myself from his eyes and even today when I was thinking of posting the pictures I took, I wondered if he would think of me if he saw them or would he be indifferent. I didn’t post anything though. Now, I scroll past reels he has liked and try not to check for his name.

Later in the evening, I came to the realisation that the overanalysing self/side (which was probably the stretched-thin feeling in my head) and the anxiety part (the nausea, acidity and low appetite) actually had my critical voice behind them who was trying to protect me from disconnection by trying to control everything about my current state- my feelings (why are you feeling so detached all of a sudden, are you trying to avoid feeling anything), my sleeplessness (why won’t you sleep already, its 7 am!?!), my appetite (why won’t you eat normally), just so that I don’t “lose control” and maintain the façade because vulnerability is not welcomed in my house. It is either dismissed, minimized, avoided or problem solved around. Once I made that connection, I accepted myself fully and gave myself permission to just be however (confused, detached, sleep deprived) for as long as it takes. It helped. These bodily sensations are gone- I just noticed it writing this down. Feelings are wild.