#Mack knows how

[withacapitalp]

I won’t wish to be yours (or for you to be mine)

Read it on ao3

Second Part

Eddie was never going to be able to stay. 

Logically, Steve understood that. He understood it, and he agreed. No matter what the government tried to spin, no matter what Hopper told them, the people of Hawkins thought Eddie was a murderer. A boy like Eddie had been guilty since the first day he arrived, and this was the inevitable conclusion. 

Still, there was knowing he was eventually going to leave, and then there was watching Eddie put the last boxes in his van and cling on tight to his uncle.

July 14th. Eddie had stayed ten days past 4th of July. Just long enough to make sure they were all going to be okay on the first anniversary. It was kind. It was thoughtful. 

It made Steve wish he knew how to hate him. 

“Okay, so as long as you stick to your timetable, you should get to Chicago by tonight. You have a reservation at this hotel already, so try to get there around check in time, okay? They even have parking in the back,” Nancy rattled off, handing Eddie a thick folder of papers. 

When Eddie had told the five of them he was leaving, she had launched into research mode. It was the way she coped, and it was productive. In just one month she had managed to put together a full dossier of the exact route Eddie had to take to get to New York, even found him a few garages outside of the city in towns where no one would have ever heard his name. 

“Thanks, Drew,” Eddie said with a grin, patting Wayne twice on the shoulder and dragging Nancy into a hug, “Actually, thanks to all of you. You guys have been super helpful.” 

They had been. Nancy planned, Jonathan had started putting together an album of all the pictures he had taken, Argyle began cultivating the perfect stash for Eddie to bring with him, and Robin made about a dozen mixtapes of ‘real music’ for him to listen to. 

Steve had grieved. 

He hadn’t done a damn thing to help or make this process easier. Robin had done her best to try and make things better, she always did, but it didn't help that she was also leaving in less than a month. All of them were. Off to colleges all across the country, while Steve stayed here all by himself. 

He was supposed to at least be able to keep Eddie. But Steve never really got to keep good things, so he should have expected this. 

He turned away from the rest so they wouldn’t see the scowl on his face, kicking at some of the weeds stubbornly poking out from the gravel outside of Wayne’s trailer. The kids had already come by to say their goodbyes, leaving before they had to watch Eddie go. They had offered for Steve to come with them, and he should have taken it. It had felt wrong at the moment to be the only teen to not be there to wish Eddie farewell, but now Steve felt like his world was collapsing, and he just wanted to go home. 

Never mind that his home was standing about 20 feet away from him, laughing with the rest of his friends. Never mind that his home was leaving for good, never to return, and Steve was probably never going to see him again. 

“Hey, easy on the flowers,” Eddie said with a laugh, pulling away from the rest. He squatted low, picking the dandelion and examining it, “Still looks good,” 

Steve hummed, unable to make words come. 

“Make a wish,” Eddie whispered, holding the fuzzy flower up to Steve’s lips. He took a sharp breath in, hating the way his chest felt like it was about to cave in. 

I wish the people in this town would fuck off so you didn’t have to go. 

I wish everything would just stay exactly as it is. 

I wish you would stay. 

I wish I wasn’t so selfish. 

I wish I knew how to tell you I love you. 

Because he did. Steve loved Eddie in a way he thought he was never going to be able to love again. He loved Eddie so much it hurt, and he had started to think that Eddie might even love him right back, but then it had all broken down. 

Now Eddie was going, and Steve had missed his chance. 

Steve banished all of those stupid greedy thoughts, pulling away just enough to blow out a heavy short gust, watching the seeds dance away, merrily floating across the trailer park, unaware they carried no wishes with them. 

“What’d you wish for?” Eddie asked. 

Steve let himself look at Eddie. Really, honestly, look. He memorized the wave of Eddie’s curls, and the long slow slope of his nose. Steve mentally sketched out the sharp jawline, and the way his eyes sparkled. He committed it all to a place in his brain where Eddie could stay young and beautiful forever. 

That was the Eddie Steve could love forever, that was the Eddie that would stay. 

He could let this one go. 

“That you’d be happy, wherever you’re going,” He whispered, pulling Eddie into a far too tight hug. He rested his chin on Eddie’s shoulder and closed his eyes, dragging in a long breath and savoring the smell of Eddie’s cheap, terrible, 2-in-1 shampoo conditioner. 

Eddie held him back just as tight, his forehead nestled in Steve’s neck. 

“I’m gonna call. Every day,” He promised, and Steve forced down the scoff that wanted to come up. 

That’s what everyone always said. I’ll call, I’ll write, we won’t lose touch. It never happened. His own parents hadn’t even managed to keep calling, why would Eddie be any different? 

No, Steve knew the truth. They would call every day for a while, maybe even multiple times a day. Then they would slowly go to every other day, then once a week, once a month, just on birthdays and special occasions. And, eventually, Eddie would forget his name, or Steve would only be fond memories that lived in high school yearbooks and yellowed old photo albums. 

Eddie would forget that he had maybe started to love Steve. 

It was going to happen with Eddie, then Robin, then Jonathan, then Argyle, and finally Nancy. It would happen with the kids when they finally went off on their own, and Joyce and Hopper when there were no more people tying them down to Hawkins. Everyone would leave, because that’s what people did. 

They would leave, and Steve would stay, and he needed to learn how to be okay with that. He needed to figure out how to get over losing people. 

And he needed to be alone to learn how to do that. 

“Does that sound good, Stevie?” 

Oh. Right. Eddie was expecting a response. 

“Yeah. You better. I’ll be waiting by the phone,” Steve said, hating how much that was going to be true. Eddie laughed like it was a joke, but it was the god honest truth. Steve would wait by the phone every single day, and one day the phone wouldn’t ring again. 

He swallowed down the bitterness that was rising, untangling himself from Eddie’s arms and interlocking their fingers. This was the last time he was going to hold this hand, the last time he was going to feel those rings. He needed to savor it. 

They walked back to the others as one single unit. There was another round of hugs, a few well hidden tears, and then Eddie was getting into his van. For the first time there was an air of nervousness, and he glanced around the group, his eyes landing on Steve and staying there. 

Eddie wanted reassurance. He needed a patented Steve Pep Talk, a few words to tell him that he was making the right decision. 

Well, he was making the right decision for him, but Steve couldn’t do it. He couldn’t tell Eddie it was okay to go. His heart was already breaking in two as it was, giving Eddie the last push he needed would shatter it completely. 

Then Robin’s hand was sneaking into his, and she was giving him a look, and Steve couldn’t be selfish anymore. 

“Don’t forget us when you get big and famous,” Steve said with a wave, all of them pretending his voice hadn’t cracked even a bit. Eddie gave him a beaming smile and a two fingered salute, starting up the van with the usual roar. He carefully backed out of the drive, leaving the trailer park with an obnoxiously long beep of his horn and a waving hand. 

And he was gone. 

He was actually gone. 

Steve didn’t bother to stick around and chat with the rest. He had given the last bit of his care away to Eddie, and now he just wanted to curl up in his bed. Steve had to learn to live with this pain, and the sooner he started, the better. 

Robin followed him without words, and he loved her for it. They had already discussed their plans. They were going to get rip roaring drunk, and Steve was going to have a good long cry, and then they would eat ice cream. It wasn’t enough, but it was better than being by himself before he had to be. 

“I’m sorry,” Robin said softly as they got into his Beemer. 

“Don’t be. He’ll be okay.” Steve replied automatically, starting the car and pulling out, going the same way as Eddie. A wild crazy part of him almost wanted to speed to catch up, cut Eddie off, tell him not to go. 

Steve kept the car below 30, barely crawling on a street he normally flew down. 

“He will be,” Robin said carefully. The unspoken ‘I’m worried you won’t be’ sat between them, heavy and oh so painful. 

“I will be,” Steve said stubbornly, ignoring the look Robin gave him. He put the radio on so they didn’t have to talk anymore, hating himself for wishing that he had wished for Eddie to stay. 

[salvadorbonaparte]

I have to use AI for one assignment this year but I feel like such a technophobe being the only anti AI person in my cohort

[movietonight]

The thing about mash is that the characters are great but every single one of them would suck to share a tent with. And that's a feature not a bug

[fluffypotatey]

Macaque would be happy if his final death was due to wukong turning around.

Macaque main motive is that he wants to be important to wukong, friend or foe, he wants to matter to him. I truly feel that in canon, macaque is less mad about his death, and more mad that in the end he was nothing to wukong. Season 5 he hears indirectly wukong trusts him, he matters to him, and he jumps to the rescue. So yeah, having evidence in the end that he matters, would comfort him.

yes, it would comfort him, but Macky is also way too aware of the other relationships Wukong has compared to their own. he would be comforted by the fact that he is still someone Wukong would fight for and turn back to, but by s5, Macky recognizes and respects Wukong's relationship with MK

[aaronsbisexualsugden]

So it seems pretty likely that Charity is going to cheat on Mackenzie with Ross, and John and Aaron are going to fall out over his feelings for Robert(/the potential return of Seb maybe)… so while we’re waiting for Robert to return (PLEASE! 🙏) all I’m saying is that it would be pretty easy, and would make sense, if the writers decided to let Mackenzie and Aaron get closer 🤷‍♀️ (because Mackenzies feelings for Aaron don’t even feel like subtext anymore and the chemistry is too good)

[stevethehairington]

i love you prompts: 98 w/ romantic steddie? 😌

lou!! thank you for sending this in!! ooh this is a good one!!

98. "Take a deep breath"

It’s late when the credits finally start to roll onscreen.

Steve guesses it’s sometime close to midnight, or maybe a little after, but he’d taken his watch off earlier before he’d gotten elbow deep in dirty dish water, cleaning up after the mess they somehow managed to make whipping up a simple dinner of grilled cheese and tomato soup. It sits on the kitchen counter, all the way across the room, and the nearest clock in the Munson trailer hangs beside the phone, too far away for Steve to see from his spot on the couch.

He can’t exactly twist in his place to try and catch a better glimpse of it, or get up to fetch his watch either. Not while Eddie leans up against his side, arms crossed over his chest and neck bent awkwardly so his head can rest against Steve’s shoulder, fast asleep.

When they first put the movie on, the two of them had started off on opposite ends of the already pretty small couch, but as it progressed, they’d gradually shifted closer and closer — in the name of sharing popcorn easier, to whisper their movie commentary directly into each other’s ears rather than speak over the film, and, eventually, so it seems, so that Eddie could use Steve as a pillow. 

Not that Steve minded or anything. He liked it, in fact — likes it. Likes having Eddie so close, likes feeling the warmth of his body pressing up against his own, likes the fact that Eddie is comfortable enough with him to let his guard down like this.

Eddie hasn’t been sleeping all that well as of late, so when his head tipped onto Steve’s shoulder a little over half an hour ago, Steve just slouched a little lower to ease the angle of his neck and reached for the remote to turn down the volume. It had been a little hard for him to hear it after that, but he hadn’t really paid it much attention after that point anyways.

Now, though, the movie is over, and it’s late enough that Steve’s verging on overstaying his welcome. He knows he should probably wake Eddie so he can let him know that he’s going and say his goodbyes and head out.

But Eddie just looks way too peaceful. Steve doesn’t want to wake him.

Instead, he decides that he can just leave a note. In case Eddie does wake up to find him gone. He’ll know nothing bad happened to Steve, just that he went home for the night and that they’ll see each other tomorrow — because chances are they will. They hardly went a day without spinning into each other’s orbits now.

Except, Steve doesn’t want to just leave Eddie on the couch either. He knows from personal experience that the Munson’s sofa is not exactly the most comfortable thing ever. Every time he falls asleep on it, he wakes up with a crick in his neck and an ache in his back. He doesn’t want that for Eddie.

His bedroom isn’t far, just down the hall, and Steve will feel a lot better if he gets Eddie to his bed before he leaves. So, he does his best to maneuver out from beneath Eddie, cradling his head as he removes it from his shoulder and lowers it to the cushion instead.

Steve takes a second to roll out his shoulders, then he slips one arm under Eddie’s back and the other behind his knees, which are curled to his side. As carefully as he can, he lifts Eddie from the couch.

Eddie stirs, but he doesn’t wake, thank god. He just smacks his mouth a little and buries his nose into the collar of Steve’s sweater, and Steve lets out the breath he didn’t even realize he was holding.

Eddie’s lighter than he looks, but still pretty heavy, and Steve doesn’t want to drop him, so he takes it slow as he follows the path towards Eddie’s door at the end of the hall. It’s, thankfully, already open, so all he has to do is kick out a foot to push it wide enough to fit through.

The blinds in Eddie’s room are still fucked up — broken enough that the slats droop down in a way that gives the morning sun the perfect opening to shine right in and wake him up before it’s time. Eddie complains about it constantly, but he hasn’t made any sort of attempt to fix them yet, and right now, Steveis grateful for that. The glow of the moon is bright enough to seep in through the gap, providing just enough gentle light that Steve can see where he’s going.

He makes it to the side of Eddie’s bed without issue, and delicately deposits Eddie onto his mattress. Again, Eddie shifts, rolling slightly onto his side, but he still doesn’t rouse.

The blankets are shoved to the end of Eddie’s bed, and Steve stifles a snort at that as he reaches for them and starts to pull them up and over Eddie’s body. He knows Eddie runs cold, so he takes a moment to tuck the corners in and add an extra blanket to the top so that he’s nice and cozy.

Then, unable to help himself, Steve brushes Eddie’s bangs to the side and leans down to leave a soft ghost of a kiss to his forehead.

He’s just starting to straighten up and pull his hand back when quick fingers dart out to curl around his wrist, trapping him there.

Steve freezes, eyes snapping back open to find Eddie, awake, blinking hazily back up at him.

“Steve?” Eddie asks, groggy, still somewhere halfway in between awake and asleep.

“Hey, yeah, it’s me,” Steve whispers. “You fell asleep, I just brought you to your room so you’d be comfortable,” he tells him.

Eddie smiles then, this sleepy, goopy sort of thing that makes something warm settle in Steve’s chest, and he tugs on Steve’s wrist. “C’mere,” he mumbles, and Steve thinks maybe he has something he wants to tell him.

So he leans in closer.

And closer.

And closer.

Eddie tips his chin up, and Steve thinks he’s going for his ear, so he can whisper his sleepsoft secret. Only, his mouth doesn’t go anywhere near Steve’s ear. Instead, it lands against his own in a—

In a kiss.

It’s chaste, tender, just the sweet press of lips against lips. It catches Steve off guard at first, but the surprise settles, and Steve is about to let himself melt into it.

Then the moment shatters.

Eddie jerks back, bolting upright as he scrambles far enough back in his bed that he hits the headboard. His eyes are wide open now, fully alert and not a single trace of sleepiness anywhere on his face as he stares at Steve. His hand, the one he’d had around Steve’s wrist just seconds ago, hovers over his own mouth, like he can’t quite believe what it has just done.

“Oh, oh, fuck,” Eddie chokes out. “Shit, shit, shit, I’m so— I didn’t mean to— fuck, you have to— please don’t—”

“Woah, hey, it’s… it’s alright, Eddie,” Steve says, holding his hands out in what he hopes is a placating gesture. He doesn’t come closer, doesn’t want to frighten Eddie further, but he wants Eddie to know that there’s no reason for him to be so scared. He’s not… he’s not mad. Or upset. Or anything that Eddie probably thinks he is right now. Not even close.

Eddie’s words start to fail him as his breathing begins to hitch, and Steve can see the rapidfire rise and fall of his chest. His eyes are on Steve, but he’s not looking at him. He’s looking through him, like he’s somewhere else right now. Like he’s spiraling into every single bad place his mind can take him right now.

Steve recognizes it for what it is — a panic attack.

“Eddie,” Steve tries, forgetting politeness as he moves to the edge of Eddie’s bed and kneels against the mattress. He reaches out to rest his hand on Eddie’s shoulder — to give him a point of contact, something to focus on. Something to ground him. It’s what usually helps Steve whenever he’s having a panic attack, finding an anchor, to bring him back down.

Eddie’s hand flies out to grasp at Steve’s wrist, and Steve lets him pull it from his shoulder so that he can curl his fingers around Steve’s palm instead. His grip is tight, nails biting into Steve’s skin, but Steve doesn’t care.

“You’re safe,” Steve reassures. “You’re safe and I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Eddie nods, but Steve isn’t so sure his words have reached him. Not when he still looks so panicked, and his breathing is still coming out too fast.

“Hey,” Steve says softly, rubbing his thumb over the back of Eddie’s hand. “Take a deep breath,” he instructs.

Eddie’s eyes settle onto Steve’s face, still hazy but doing better at focusing. Steve smiles at him, nods encouragingly. “Come on, do it with me, deep breath in.”

Steve makes a show of inhaling again, holding up his fingers to count to three before he starts to let it all back out in an exhale. He goes through it twice before Eddie catches on and starts to mirror him.

They follow the pattern until finally Eddie’s breathing returns to normal and the panic seems to subside.

“Are you okay?” Steve asks, once Eddie’s shoulders slump and his head drops forward, his hair hanging like a curtain around his face. Steve hasn’t let go of Eddie’s hand yet, and he doesn’t plan to.

Eddie lets out a humorless laugh, but he doesn’t look up. “Depends,” he starts. “Are you going to… to fucking… hit me or shout at me or something?”

Steve’s face screws up, mouth tugging down into a hard frown. “What?” He asks. “Why would I do that? Because you had a panic attack?”

Eddie snorts. “No,” he replies, like he can’t believe that’s what Steve thinks this is about. He stays quiet for a second, two, three. Like he can’t quite bring himself to say it. “Because I— because I kissed you,” he finally breathes.

“Oh,” Steve says softly. He watches Eddie for a moment, doesn’t like that he can’t see his face. He wants to see his face. So, with careful fingers, he reaches out to brush Eddie’s hair back, to tuck it behind his ear.

Eddie’s breath catches as he does, and his gaze flickers up to Steve’s, briefly, before fixing firmly on his lap again.

“Eddie,” Steve starts, “I’m not mad that you kissed me.”

It takes a second for his words to sink in.

When they do, Eddie’s head snaps up. His eyes land on Steve’s, wide and surprised and searching. “You’re not?”

Steve shakes his head. Lets a little smile grace his lips. “Nope,” he confirms. “Not one single bit.”

And, well, in for a penny, in for a pound, right? He shuffles a little closer on his knees, presses further into Eddie’s space. “In fact…” he trails off. Does a little searching of his own. “I wouldn’t mind if you did it again,” Steve finishes after he’s sure that Eddie isn’t going to push him away.

Eddie’s eyebrows lift this time, the pull together. Steve wants to smooth out the little wrinkle that forms between them. 

“Are you… you’re serious?” Eddie asks.

“Serious as a heart attack,” Steve replies.

The corner of Eddie’s mouth twitches, then a smile breaks out across his face. “Holy shit, you’re serious,” he says, followed by a breathless little laugh.

Steve can’t help but laugh too, and he nods and starts to tug at Eddie’s hand to pull him in this time. “Yeah,” he says. “Now that that’s been established, you think I could get another one?”

Eddie looks at him like he’s won the lottery. “Jesus christ, yes, yes please,” he says, and the hand not caught in Steve’s comes up to bunch into the front of his sweater as he meets him halfway.

It’s a little offcentered, a little overeager on both of their parts, but it’s perfect.

When they break apart, Eddie presses his forehead against Steve’s. “Were you leaving?” He asks.

“I was,” Steve answers. “I don’t want to now,” he admits.

Eddie chuckles and lets go of Steve only just long enough to peel back the covers Steve had so lovingly tucked around him not too long ago.

“So stay,” Eddie says.

With his welcome so graciously extended like that, who is Steve to say no?

So he stays.

100 ways to say i love you prompts

[remerg]

Has anyone thought how Jake died?

Genuinely- What happened to him? Where was he? Was he alone? Was someone with him?- And if he was alone, who found him?

When did he die? Was it just months or maybe just a year after getting out of prison?

[this has been hunting me for weeks, just the thought of him being dead and all the questions I have about it-]

Also, since I'm in the kinda angsty mood, I just also did Elwood just

Questioning everything ig

[cloudysfluffs]

i think getting tickled would fix him

(ns//fw and/or fetish blogs please dni🙏🙏)

[rebouks]

Previous | Next

Transcript:

Ivan: C’mon Dourpuss, it’s just you n’ me now-… Bruno: I don’t want to talk about it. Ivan: Pfft.. it’s non-negotiable, same as you being a good person.

Bruno: Tch. Ivan: I ain’t lettin’ you beat yourself up about the past forever n’ ever. Bruno: [sighs] There’s so much that I regret though.

Ivan: Listen.. y’care about those closest to ya, y’good with kids n’ animals, y’help people who’re goin’ through what you’ve been through, even though y’not much of a people person-.. y’care about me, more than anyone else ever has. Bruno: None of that cancels out the things I’ve done.

Ivan: I ain’t sayin’ it cancels anythin’ out, shit ain’t as black n’ white as that.. y’know? No singular choice makes someone bad; it’s everythin’ mashed together, right? My Pa was a good example; complete asshole, couldn’t raise a kid for shit-.. but he wasn’t all bad, he just got lost n’ never found his way again. That’s why I still loved him, took care of him n’ stuff.

Ivan: [sighs] Would y’rather turn yourself in, risk goin’ back t’prison? Bruno: No, but it’d be nice to get it all off my chest-.. like you said. Ivan: So, do it…

Bruno: I hate how easy it was. Ivan: Yeah? Bruno: Like in a film? The good guy stands there; hands shaking, agonising over pulling the trigger-.. but I just fucking did it.

Ivan: Why? Bruno: One was an accident, but the other-.. I knew who he was, what he was like; he was an abusive rapis-… Ivan: Okay, so the world’s better off without him.

Bruno: Nothing gives us the right to take away someone’s life like that. Ivan: Leah killed Arturo, was she a bad person? Bruno: [pauses] No.

Ivan: What about war veterans n’ stuff? Bet they’ve killed a bunch o’ folk, some get medals for it an’ all. Bruno: How the hell is that comparable? Ivan: They’re just followin’ orders, right? Who’s t’say I wouldn’t have ended up killin’ someone if I stuck with the Navy?

Bruno: You’re making this difficult on purpose. Ivan: Yeah, ‘cause I’m challengin’ your logic. Bruno: You’re biased, it doesn’t count.

Ivan: Okay, I don’t much care for Wyatt, but I wouldn’t have judged him if he shot Arturo-.. hell, I would’a choked the shit outta him if he’d actually shot you… Maybe we’re more violent than some, but our intentions are good. Bruno: I still feel guilty about Silas…

Ivan: I know. Bruno: I should’ve made sure he got away safely. Ivan: Why didn’t you?

Bruno: [sighs] I was still mad at him; annoyed with myself for letting him walk all over me, again… So, I brushed him off n’ said staying any longer would be dangerous-.. which it was, but I was happier to spend the night with you n’ Oscar. Ivan: It was his decision not t’leave sooner, wasn’t it? I don’t want you blamin’ yourself anymore.

Bruno: [sighs defeatedly] Alright. Ivan: You’re a package deal, B; I love you and your past, okay? Bruno: [nods] I love you too…

[triptychofvoids]

you know that one post that's like "autistic people are legally allowed to kill 1 person"? That's medic. But he gets infinite because I said so.

-☎ anon, macking they cheese.

YIPPEE!! i agree. he should be allowed to do whatever he wants i think and that includes killing people for enrichment

[erikkarlsson]

STREETS ARE SAYING TYLER TOFFOLI TO SAN JOSE…

[babacontainsmultitudes]

Just know the urge to rewatch the breakfast club is plaguing me and it’s entirely your fault what have you done to me /j lol

LOL DUDE I was literally just talking with one of my sisters about how I'm kind of itching to rewatch that movie now lmaooo you *should* you should actually!

[salvadorbonaparte]

Unless I drop out or he gets assassinated. Trump will be the president of the USA for the remainder of my time here. A term in office is about the length of the degree I have left. I wouldn't see a USA without Trump.

[eggsploded]

skimming hstwt and getting blasted by real shipping discourse funny as hell how can you have this many qualms about pairings being 'more plot cohesive' than others. thought this was crackship depot

[honeybcj]

criminal minds s2e15 is beating me over the head i want to scream what the fuuuuuuck

[stevethehairington]

i have a flight tomorrow that has a layover in denver and the first leg is supposed to get in at 12:15 and my connecting flight starts boarding at 12:40. so basically. im fucking stressed out of my GODDAMN GOURD about that right now. fuck.