#MY FRIENDS SAY HES UGLY STFU HES SO CUTE HERE

[strellzzz]

THE SLEEPOVER . (all parts / lil bit of nsfw at the end)

(MB FOR PULLIN A CORY X KENSHIN)

_________________________________________

you and your best friend decided that you guys should have a sleepover cause it's been a while since you guys hung out with each other.

"Y/N GIRL HURRY UPP I'M OUTSIDE" your friend said while screaming at you on FaceTime.

"OKAYYYY !!! IM TRYING TO FIND MY SLIPPERS."

you put everything you need in your bag like your morning clothes , night clothes , lip gloss , makeup etc. you zipped up your bag and left the house locking the door behind you.

your friend rolls down her window. "DAMNN... GIRL TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH"

"STFU." you said laughing while getting in her car.

she starts driving to her house , you always known your friend to be a fast driver but she always gets to her destination safely cause she's still cautious.

"i'm so happy we're spending time with each otherrrr , it's been so long bruh"

"i knowww !!!! i missed you so muchhh"

you guys end up at her house , yall end out getting out the car taking yall bags in her house.

you go to her room putting your bag on the floor.

"so what do you wanna do !"

"girll i got a lotta stuff to tell you"

yall end out talking/gossiping for hours while doing each other nails and makeup.

les say like a good 6 hours past

"This is cuteee" you looked at your nails as you both got done with each other nails.

"thank youuu , i been trying my best in doing nails. i love yours too and the way you put the little charms on it."

"your welcome , so what you wanna do now it's kind of getting dark outside" you said while spinning on the stool.

"okay so i invited my boyfriend and his friend"

"is his friend fine ? , i'm not gonna judge i'm just not gon fw him if he look like Sid from ice age."

yall both started laughing

"nahhh he's not ugly, he's really cute, I think you will like him and if you're not comfortable with it just tell me"

she shows you his highlights on his insta

"he's so fine.."

"seee i knew you was gon like him"

"so when are they coming"

"ion kno he said give em like 5 mins"

"oh okay , u wanna make tiktok's ?" (press keep reading)

(kinda lazy writing some of this, bare with me also this is a insert character story i forgot to say ... so just make up whatever you want his name to be.)

you guys end up making TikTok's as soon you post it on your TikTok you get 540 likes in like 13 minutes. you weren't popular but a lot of people knew you cause you were nice to ppl who talked to you.

you looked at your friend "when are they coming?"

she looks at her boyfriend's location "They should be on their way"

"oh okay well i bought my polaroid for we can take pictures , cause i need it for memories" you went in your bag and grabbed your white polaroid and took pictures of y'all together.

the sounds of knocks came from the front door

"that might be them" she went to the front door and opened it.

standing there is her boyfriend and his friend holding bags of snacks and wingstop

(if you don't like wingstop just replace it with another food)

"hey baee" she looks at the stuff. "you didn't have to buy that we could've went and got them"

"nah it's all good , we didn't want y'all to go through all that" (her bf)

"yeah plus it's dark outside" (his friend)

"oh okay well y'all can come in" she walks back in the room and looks at you. "their here"

they both walk in putting the food and snacks on the bed

"Okay y'all we all gonna put our PJs on and watch a movie"

she took the snacks out of the bag and organized them on the bed.

her and her boyfriend went to the bathroom to change into their pajamas leaving you and I/C alone with each other.

(I/C means insert character)

"so what's your name?"

"my name is y/n"

"that's a beautiful name"

"what's urs?"

"I/C"

"i like your name also"

"thanks, you look really pretty"

"thank you" you started smiling at him.

you both start chopping it up and y'all conversation went really well , like having the same interest , music taste and everything.

"wow that's crazy me and you have the same interests in things"

"i knowww ... it's like we were low key meant to be locked in"

"forreal.."

your friend and her boyfriend came out with their pjs on.

"what took y'all so long?"

"oh , we took a shower and shi.. y'all can too if y'all want"

you look at him "do you wanna go first?"

"im good , ill wait for you to come out"

"okay" you took your bag inside the bathroom with you and closed the door.

THEIR POVS :

red : your bsf boyfriend

pink : your bsf

green : insert/character (your bsf boyfriend friend)

____________________________________

your bsf look at I/C.

"sooo what do you think of my bsf ?"

"shes pretty and she's into the same stuff i'm into"

"bruh you should make a move."

"i would but ion know if she into me like that"

"she is. cause i know if she wasn't she would've been said sum"

"frl?"

"duhh , trust me. i been friends with y/n ever since we was in 2nd grade. she would say sum if she didn't fwu"

"ong she always got sum to say"

she looks at her bf. "not to much on bsf.." she rolls her eyes and looks back at I/C. "anyways... she fw's u"

"okay if you say so cause if she don't i'm fighting both of y'all stg"

"stop" she laughs a little.

"bruh can she hurry up .. i'm hungry"

"your always hungry , that's why your back is getting big now"

"i knoww your not talking, every time i have some food , here come hungry ass. "can i get sum" "

"SHUT TF UP" she's says throwing her fist in the air acting like she's gonna hit him.

he flinches.

___________________________________

you eventually come out the bathroom with a cute pajama set with your furry bear slippers on

your bsf looks at you.

"girlll that's cute where you get that from!"

"shein." you laughed

"it looks hella good on you."

"thank youuu !" you smiled.

every time he complimented you it made your body feel warm cause it made you feel happy.

"finally time to eat."

"ummm no .. I/C gotta get ready too greedy"

"OMFG. NIGGA HURRY UP"

"okay damn bruh the food not going no where"

he gets up and take his bag to the bathroom with him.

you bsf look at you smiling. "soooo what do you think of himm?"

"omggg!" you said in a happy tone. "he's so sweet and funny. i like him a lot , and he literally loves everything i like"

"he likes you too"

"he does ?"

"yesssss he was over here practically drooling talking about you"

"that man was not drooling, he is into you though"

she looks at him. "will you shut the hell up"

"my bad"

she looks back at you "anyways he literally fwu i swear"

"okay good cause if he didn't i would literally spazz out"

after minutes of you and your bsf talking and her boyfriend complaining I/C comes out of the bathroom with his PJs on. you look at him seeing what he's wearing and he's wearing a T-shirt with pajama pants. As you're looking at him you can see his abs compress to his shirt.

"alright i made you and I/C a pallet on the floor , if that's okay with y'all..."

"it's fine with me if y/n don't mind"

"yeah i don't mind"

"okay , i gave y'all extra blankets and pillows and some of my plushies for y'all won't b uncomfortable"

"i mean you got carpet so we're good regardless"

"alright enough chatting bruh i'm ready to eat"

you take off your slippers and sat down on the floor where your bsf made the pallet at.

I/C sits next to you.

your bsf turns off the lights and dim the led lights low. she opens the wing stop bag and hands y'all the food.

"alright what movie y'all wanna watch me personally we should watch mean girls"

"yeah we should"

"fuck no"

"nahhh"

"what's wrong with mean girls"

"nobody wanna watch that"

"frl"

"okay then how about we watch Rio"

"bet"

"okayy"

"alr"

she goes on amazon prime video and puts on the movie rio.

after like 25 mins past your bsf and her boyfriend was knocked tf out. leaving you and I/C the only ones awake.

"they really asleep?"

"yeah especially her." you laugh a little.

your bsf is lying all over her bf with a fry hanging out her mouth. you poke her but she doesn't budge.

"well are you tired yet?"

you looked at him and laid down. "not really , i'm just bored"

"yeah.. well can i tell you something"

"hm?" you look up at him.

"i think your really pretty."

"are you being honest?"

"yeah. why wouldn't i be"

"i'm just making sure cause i just need reassurance. that's all"

"well to me your the most prettiest girl i ever came across too."

he lays down with you leaving both of you looking at each other. you guys lock eye contact, he leans to you kissing you. you start kissing him back. the feeling of his lips was soft. He stops and leans back looking at you.

“Tell me when to stop”

"okay.."

he starts kissing you again passionately. you start putting your arms around him while he slowly puts his hands inside your pajama shorts/pants rubbing your pussy, but your panties are covering it.

he starts putting his hands inside your laced panties rubbing your clit. he stops kissing you and you can hear is his deep voice in your ear.

"your so wett..."

you start putting your legs around him as he puts puts his finger inside your pussy fingering you.

you start moaning softly.

"shhh mama.... ion want them to hear u"

he starts fingering you faster than before making you cum on his fingers. he takes his hands out your pants. and starts whispering.

"i want to fuck you so bad mamas..." he whispers while looking at you

"you can..." you said silently while rubbing his bulge.

"ion want them to hear us"

"i'll be quiet.."

"you sure ?"

you nod your head.

"okay."

he pulls down the front of his pajama pants and boxers revealing his dick to you. you didn't expect him to be that big...

you start to look a little worried.

"what's wrong.. yon think you can take it ?"

" ... "

"like i said, just tell me when to stop .."

he grabs you close while you have a leg on top of his waist. he ends out sliding his dick in your tight pussy, he turns both of you over where you're on top of him now. you put your arms around him where your close to his ear and he's close to yours.

"make sure you stay quiet" he whispers in your ear.

_______________________________

alr this wasn't my best story honestly. im probably gonna start back writing story's but i maybe just delete this acc frl. ion know

[tamiyne]

DAISUKE HAIR DOWN ???!?!?? thank u haru

[that-one-pretty-bitch]

So, I was explaining the plot of Obey me! shall we date to @loekas​ 

And here it is:

FYI: Everyone in Obey me! is emotionally constipated as F U C K

I just know that the Obey me lovers are about to come for my soul

Lucifer- pride

Basically a total asshole and prick. He constantly overworks himself. He has threatened to kill the MC many many times. He punishes his brothers in cruel ways. ( A sadist ) To make things better though, he is hot, i’ll give him that.

Mammon- Greed

A thief, will fucking steal from you. He is the MC's best friend and fandom's favorite although he acts greedy like my little brother during Christmas so I fail to see the appeal and cry blood whenever I see smut on him bcz he acts like a spoiled 5 yr old brat who loves his mom but will never admit it. You could hold a gun to his head and force him to say it but he will not

Leviathan- Envy

What a loser, honestly. All my man does is play video games and simp over underage waifu's. ( YOU CANT TELL ME RURI HANNA IS NOT LIKE 8 ) He 10/10 has a body pillow. Also attempted to kill the MC, even though MC is his only friend ( thats sad ). A hardcore gen z and hated by a lot of the fandom. Shut in Otaku and a creepy discord mod.

Satan- Wrath

Daddy issues who?? Lucifer is his dad and he HATES when he is compared to Lucifer because spoiled brat doesn't want to be like that "ugly old man". He was created out of Lucifer's wrath when their sister died and since then everyone sees him as a replacement for their dead sister he hates it. The kind of guy who would smash random objects when angry bcz of temper tantrums. I don’t feel bad for him because??? Daddy issues??? Suck it up, Lucifer isn’t even that bad your just salty he’s hotter. Also purge that outfit rn, that's a crime to fashion.

Asmodeus- Lust

A boy but so girlypop??( No hate I love girlypop boys ) Probs fucked every human, demon and angel in existence. Gossip queen and mean girl. Never trust him with secrets, he would tell the entire school. Horny 24/7, honestly a big cheater and fuckboy. Regina George 2.0, will make fun of your outfit because he wants to look better. That pretty girl that you go to talk to but turns out she has a nasty attitude and talks shit about everyone?? Thats him. Then he gets mad when people call him ugly??? Also compliment fishing on Insta all the time.

Beel - Gluttony ( older twin )

Genuinely sweet. Himbo, super muscular?? He plays sports, that one high school jock that EVERY girl has a crush on. Crying and temper tantrums when he is hungry and not given food. Tried to eat MC when he got hungry- but he apologized to MC and now they are cool. Man child tbh

Belphegor - Sloth ( younger twin )

I bet y’all were WAITING for my opinion on this one

I hate you. Murderer, literally everyone hates him. Nobody in the fandom likes him because he actually succeeded in killing the MC but they were brought back to life by the demon king and his butler. Dangerous mf, MC forgives him though?? Once you get to know him he is just a sleepy baby that wakes up with murder on his mind lol. But then again EVERYONE tried to kill MC, he was the only one that succeeded. Ngl he is pretty bad at pretending to be a defenseless human, I didn’t fall for it but the game made me go in there anyway.

Simeon- angel

My man could rail me but he would hate me irl. Holy man, jesus is good you all are unholy. Sweet? Kind? Talented writer? Grandpa that can't learn to use devices no matter what?? Everything I need in a man. Wears a slutty outfit but acts like he is all angelic and kind. Like- ✨sinful shoulders✨

Solomon- Sorcerer

Grandpa Sol. Can’t cook to save his like, Yor Forger level but even worse. Never eat his cooking, even Beel refuses to eat that monstrosity. Makes the most annoying dad jokes ever like stfu. Sussy Baka fr fr

Luke- cute baby angel

Simeon's adopted son, MC is his role model ( much to Simeon's dismay ) bcz my MC be unholy asf. Loves baking MC sweet things ( Luke pls can I marry your dad-? ) but hates when MC flirts with his father figure ( Isn't stopping me ) He is a chiwawa as per EVERYONE. Woof woof

Barbatos - Hot butler

The demon prince's hot servant, I like the butler kind. Would probably smile while insulting the shit out of you. WIll make you regret all your life decisions. Also has time manipulation where he can look into the future and stop it from happening by turning back time. The demon prince's father figure.

Could you please take me back to when I failed my math test and help me fix it-?

Lord Diavolo- Demon Prince

Demon prince, spoiled child, himbo, MC's source of secret income. When Lucifer doesn't let the MC or brothers do something they talk Lord Diavolo into changing Lucifer's mind. Biggest sweet tooth ever. Daddy Issues 2.0. Sugar daddy material, probably has a secret relationship with Lucifer.

Mc- Human

The most insane human being to ever exist.

[eternallyhyucks]

annoying things enhypen would do

pairing: enhypen x gn! reader

word count: 617

genre/warnings: fluff , none

—note: sorry for not writing in so long!! i have break soon, so hopefully ill be able to write then :)

— also these are all jokes, i mean no harm by anything i wrote here!!

𖤐 ྀ

heeseung

smirk all the time.

all the damn time.

have u guys seen that one video of him at a fansign🙄let me beat him up rq one sec😇/j

i can imagine him coming home after a while and you’re all excited to see him bc he’d been gone for so long

and when u go to hug him, hes all

“😏😏😏missed me😏😏😏”

BOY IF U DONT STFU

simply just walk away and he’ll run after u like “wait y/n😩i was joking ill pretend ur not obsessed w me”

u love him nonetheless

jay

buy too many things for you

i was watching hometown cha cha cha and this reminded me of the police guy buying the main girl’s friend a bunch of gifts LMAO

it would start off as cute and ur like “omg jay u didnt have to” and then hes like “it’s okay i like buying you things😁”

but then it’d be a random tuesday and he will pull out something you casually said u wanted 2 months ago and ur like ???????????

“jay why”

“u said u wanted it”

u have to give him a pep talk

“jay i love u AND will continue to even if u dont buy me so many gifts”

jake

laugh while ur trying to be serious

ive been thinking about this since niki did the heartbreak anniversary thing & jake broke into a smile for a second when niki got close to him LMFAO HELP

you could be telling him off for smthg and this mf would be like🙂

“LITERALLY WHY ARE U SMILING YOU BROKE THE OVEN JAKE”

“idk ur cute when ur mad”

u would wanna give him a nice punch in the face but also sit and give him a fat hug bc hes so freaking adorable

either way he’d win tbh

sunghoon

tease you

for everything.

similar to heeseung but instead smirking, he’d run away or dodge u if u go to hug him

i already know he’d be the type to lean in to kiss you and then smile and move away as soon as you lean into him

“oh my god u want me so bad”

“IM GONNA PUNCH YOU SO BAD”

“do it😏”

sunoo

hes too nice

it’s not annoying but sometimes u need someone to tell you that you look like an ugly rat but he wont do that

smfh sunoo

“hey how does this look”

“u look amazing as always☺️”

and u appreciate it but DAMN

at some point you’d do ur makeup ugly or dress in a weird and random combination just to see if he says anything

and he wont

so u yell at him to tell u when u look ugly so u dont walk out looking all gross

jungwon

outsmart u

with anything

he seems like the type to brag ab getting a 98 if u got a 92 but i feel like he would also end up helping or giving you answers later

he would also do ANYTHING to prove his point

you could be in an argument and he would end lives just prove that he’s right

just let him, he’ll never stop

niki

making ur mom jokes

at everything

i do this all the time so is it really annoying🤨🤨

“hey can u pass me the remote”

“ur mom passed me the remote last night😏”

“niki what does that even mean”

ur mom joke supremacy

©eternallyhyucks

TAGLIST!

@overthemoonbae , @yejicrossing , @baekswoons , @igsana , @renjunn1es , @junityy , @pr0dbeomgyu , @gyuuss , @sungsunnie , @fiantomartell , @wccycc , @jscvpid , @koishua , @changminurheart , @rainbowglitteramythyst

!! unable to tag bolded

—send an ask if you would like to be a part of my taglist!!

[izukult]

little things with denki kaminari

happy birthday to my love. latest in this series here

—whenever one of you is listening to music, you always share earbuds (or at least offer). you have a shit ton of playlists for situations (bus rides with loser, people in class won’t stfu and we have to act like we care¿?, bored asf) etc. it’s also customary for you to have at least one song rec for each other a day.

—bro this motherfucker has bit you before? how odd.

—he really, really loves to talk. so no matter how talkative or how quiet you are, you two are constantly interrupting each other and it always makes him laugh.

—denki has no idea what to do when it comes to relationships. not one thought is running through that mans head and it shows. when you two first get together, he has genuinely no idea what to say. he’s smooth and casual when he’s not thinking about it, but the second he processes the fact he’s your boyfriend and he’s supposed to be boy friendly, he’s clueless.

—he literally quotes romance movies to try to sound cool. it’s so bad. he sounds awful. it’s horrible. it’s ugly. please, kaminari, i’m begging you. be quiet. it’s kinda cute tho tbfh

—also! he gets so flustered. he would never show you but like when you send a text that’s even remotely romantic he’s done for. that one video of the girl holding her phone to her chest and kicking the bed? that’s him tbh

—after every fight, near miss, or villain encounter all he ever wants to do is spend time with you. even if you’re both just sitting there silently, it calms him down so much.

—speaking of, he freaks out really easily. and he finds so much comfort in you. and he wants to do the same for you. he has a list of things he knows make you feel better. be like that for him or ur a fucking loser

—you’re a big motivator in his training. after all the shit he’s seen, he’s got a lot of valid fear and trauma. so he doesn’t want you to ever have to go through that type of thing, even if you were training to be a hero. he wants to be able to protect you, so he pushes himself super hard to learn how to channel his electricity.

—did you know kaminari skateboards? well, he does! and he is itching to teach you. you two love to go to this little park at night, only lit by street lights and the city. his hands are on your waist as you wobble on the board and he’s laughing at you. teaches you about footing and all the terms (“i’m not gonna be dating anyone who stands goofy, you hear me?” clearly he doesn’t actually give a shit.). once you’re pretty good, he buys you a board as a gift.

—denki is a pretty chill dude. he doesn’t get offended much and when he does he’s never really angry about it. but if someone even looks at you wrong he’s laughing almost politely and flicking his wrist back and commenting some snarky insult about that person not really to them but definitely loud enough for them to hear.

—he sneaks into your room every night to fall asleep with you. you fake being annoyed when he comes in and runs his mouth for fifteen minutes, but you don’t actually care. kaminari sleeps with his head covered in pillows, so i imagine he shoves his head into your neck or back, and wraps his arm completely around you once he actually falls asleep. very cuddly dude. once you complained about how it was too hot at night because of him, and instead of letting up he bought you a 75 dollar desk top power fan and told you problem solved.

—movie nights every thursday. you tried to argue it should be saturday for months, talking about sleep schedules and responsibilities the next morning but he does not care. it’s thursday’s, you will enjoy it. srz

—he unironically wants you guys to get one of those big shirts you can both wear. every time a birthday or holiday or anniversary comes up and you ask what he wants, he tells you that shirt. he begs for you to wear one with him. one time he was sobbing over something completely irrelevant and you asked him if there was anything that would make him feel better and through tears he said “big couple shirt” and cried harder when you said no.

—he wakes you up with a shitty pickup line every single morning. sometimes he looks them up, sometimes he makes up shitty ones specific to you.

—you two have matching bracelets. you made them together one night, he bought a bunch of beads and shit and insisted that you make them. he made yours, you made his. so yea basically you walk around with a shitty yellow and black bracelet that says denki (self projecting as i literally wear that bracelet right now)

—no matter where he is, he always makes sure a spot next to him is available for you, just incase you show up. he wants you to feel included and even if he’s silent about it, he makes sure you’re always comfortable.

—he makes you recreate funny couples photos all the time. like the reaction meme looking ones. his favorite (which is also his lock screen and his profile picture) is the one with that couple making out on the fence and the girls holding the guy up lol. also loves to take really uncomfortable ones that look like posed white people family photos and you’re both just doing thumbs up and standing too far away from each other.

—y’all are so funny for real. like constantly laughing, always having fun, just so comfortable?? such a good relationship i’m ngl would die for it

—he gets a star projector and makes you stare at it with him for hours. for the first thirty minutes he aggressively shushes you if you try to say anything. loves it.

—he’s really good at balancing being a good friend / conversationalist / person to be around and being affectionate. he’s pretty good at gauging what you need when you need it. he’s such a good boyfriend yea <33

[anonymous-eggy]

first of all you nightmare of a person, I know the fuck ur not talking to ME with those salad fingers of yours. i bet they drag behind you when you walk, everybody knows you're coming from the scrape sound. at them bbqs you dont even need to use tongs, u just use your spider fingers and your brain won't even comprehend the pain. fingers so long. SECOND of all u little demon spawn, you literally main kaeya in genshin. half the time we play co op u follow me around like a lost little hobbit child "wahh need help with puzzles" all the while ur wandering around flower fields and im over here grinding for u, unlocking every damn chest. ur lucky i havent robbed you blind. ungrateful punk. THIRD OF ALL you wear cowboy boots with ankle socks. FOURTH of all little boy ur cat just told me they love ME more than you and wish i would come take them back home with me. and i know ur only bitter abt ralph bc u cheated on nicky with him and now cant stop that i tell u he looks like he has bills to pay and an oxygen tank. speaking of n*cky tell his goofy ass to lose the hat. its atrocious and ugly. i bet he wears clown shoes too. you have matching pairs u snake defender. and tell ralph to lose the ugly bowler hat before i knock him fucking silly. ur built like that dude from apple jacks. the cinnamon stick. but with the height of the apple. go back to devouring coffee beans and keep my name OUT OF UR MOUTH.

xoxo- ur worstie <3

Im- there's a lot to unpack here. I'm gonna ignore the fact that you just BULLIED ME FOR HAVING LONG FINGERS, ANON. How mysterious I WonDEr wHo tHIs AnOnYMoUs BuLLy iS 😢

YEAH I'M A NIGHTMARE OF A PERSON, BUT AT LEAST I LOOK SEXY AS FUCK WHILE BEING A NIGHTMARE.

I DONT MAIN KAEYA! I JUST LIKE HAVING HIM ON MY TEAM BC I LIKE HIS FRUITY LIL WALK AND HE'S ONE OF MY STRONGEST CHARACTERS. SO WHAT IF I LIKE KEEPING HIM ON EVERY SINGLE TEAM?! HE'S A GOOD CRYO CHARACTER.

Listen- I play the damn game at my own pace. so what if I'm a little slow and don't know how to do every thing 😤 I NEVER ASKED YOU TO GET ALL THOSE CHESTS, I LITERALLY TOLD U THAT U DIDN'T HAVE TO. YOU WERE THE ONE WHO LEFT ME BEHIND. ZOOMING OFF WITH UR COOL ASS CHARACTERS WHILE I'M JUST TRYING TO KEEP UP. YOU SAID "oH iTs nO bIG dEaL I wAnT tO hELp yOu"

NEW FLASH: YOU DONT NEED TO DO IT TO KEEP ME AROUND YOU CAN JUST BE YOU. I WOULD RATHER HAVE FUN FIGHTING ENEMIES BESIDE U.

YOU CANT SAY S H I T ABT ME DEFENDING A SNAKE, YOU DEFEND AND ACTIVELY WANT TO FUCK CHILDE YOU DUMBASS CLOWN STOP YELLING AT A MIRROR. I HAVE NO ATTRACTION TOWARDS RALPH I JUST WANT TO FIX HIM AND FORCE HIM TO BE MY TIRED BEST FRIEND/ IMPULSE CONTROL.

I DONT WANT HIS ASS I HAVE NICKY. NICKY HAS THE SUPREME ASS AND THIGHS COMBO. HE AND HIS CUTE HAT (WHICH ISNT UGLY STFU) HAVE ALL OF MY HEART. I WANT HIM TO SUFFOCATE ME BETWEEN THOSE SEXY THIGHS. I LIKE RALPH BUT THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL I WOULD EVER CHEAT ON MY HUSBAND WITH RALPH'S CRUSTY RECEDING HAIRLINE.

I GET IT. HE LOOKS OLD. BUT HE DOESNT LOOK AS OLD AS YOU SAY HE DOES. HE LOOKS LIKE THE FATHER THAT DITCHED HIS HOT MILF WIFE WHEN HE FIGURED OUT SHE WAS PREGNANT AND NOW HE REGRETS IT.

RALPH HAD A REALLY REALLY ROUGH CHILDHOOD. THATS A REASON, NOT AND EXCUSE. YEAH. HE WAS A RAT. HE'S SELF SERVING. BUT THATS HOW YOU HAD TO BE TO SURVIVE.

AND I CAN TEACH HIM THAT HE DOESNT HAVE TO BE THAT WAY ANYMORE.

YEAH SO UR BASICALLY JUST JEALOUS BC ME AND NICKY HAVE MATCHING OUTFITS AND UR NOT INCLUDED IN OUR MAKE OUT SESSIONS. UR PATHETIC ALL U HAVE TO DO IS ASK, BITCH.

SO WHAT IF I'M BUILT LIKE THE CINNAMON STICKS LITTLE BROTHER FUCK OFF. I DONT EAT COFFEE BEANS RAW YOU GREMLIN LOOKING ASS OOMPA LOOMPA. WHO LET THE GARGOYLE ON TUMBLR TF. SOMEONE COME PICK UP UR ANGRY LITTLE BLIND CHIHUAHUA ITS BARKING AT A FUCKING BUSH INSTEAD OF ME.

okay but to be fair, I also believe Ralph should lose the damn bowler hat.

xoxo- your beloved victim of anon hate 💞

[undermattsun-archive]

hq lads as the skate rats of my dreams <3 (pt. 2)

guess what more grody skate rats to haunt u :)

also lin said atsumu + pulp fiction + mansplaining in the same sentence n it send my brain into overdrive,,, also angel wtf why would u send dirty boy goshiki to me now he’s haunting me,,, so this is dedicated to you two,,,,,, i’m sorry

tw toxic behavior (why am i like this!)

pt. 1 | pt. 3 | pt. 4

miya atsumu - the film major rat,,,, thinks tarantino is a god, brings his board to class n talks to u about u should come watch him skate sometime, says shit about how he knows ur into him n then how ur friend is hotter than u

semi eita - danger this one is so dangerous successfully has fucked all ur friends, tells u ur the best out of all of em (why does he think this is a compliment, why do we let him), gets into fights all the time (tries to fight ur exes at parties y’all aren’t even together), prolly has been arrested :/

ushijima wakatoshi - u thought kageyama n suna were emotionally unavailable? here’s the mf blueprint!! he doesn’t forget ur name baby, he never learned it :) if u ever decide (for some reason) he’s one of the few will actually be in a relationship but it changes nothing he still won’t say hi if he passes u on the street

goshiki tsutomu - product of his senpais (ushi, semi, tendou) uses his cute lil clueless clumsy air to pull u in (can barely skate) but he’s vile! vile vile vile! u can try to stay away but oh did he just fall oh no his boo boo? n then next thing u know he’s fuckin u in a grocery store bathroom n takes the condom off (bc tendou said it makes the experience better)

kawanishi taichi - the only one who can drive!! drives an old + ugly toyota corolla that smells like weed + black ice air freshener, still won’t pick u up/drive u home (so if u fuck at his place he’ll make u call an uber)

terushima yuuji - the tagger!! constantly defacing public property + has gotten arrested too many times!!!!! calls u to bail him out most of the time,, graffitied ur place of work asking if u wanna fuck n got u fired :(

sugawara koushi - piercings for days, has such an edgy look but a rlly kind smile! that’s how he pulls u into all his mental mind games :))) fucks u on the reg says ur the love of his life, but introduces u to everyone as just a friend

oikawa tooru - wears the tightest of dickies (lmao why u have no ass my man), always cuffed, v much in love w his ex still n makes sure u know it, can also barely skate,,, tries to rope u into a threesome w skater iwa,, n when u say no he proposes a threesome w him n one of ur friends,,,,n never forget he cries after sex

akaashi keiji - gatekeeper gatekeeper (saw a hc where he’s a gatekeeper fboy n that’s the kinda skater he is), u don’t skate? don’t wear thrasher, ew u use that brand for ur wheels? saying someone’s “not a real skater” is his fave activity (bitch u can’t even drop into a bowl stfu)

[wetalkinboutbooks]

Deathless Divide by Justina Ireland

Summary:  The sequel to Dread Nation is a journey of revenge and salvation across a divided America.

After the fall of Summerland, Jane McKeene hoped her life would get simpler: Get out of town, stay alive, and head west to California to find her mother.

But nothing is easy when you're a girl trained in putting down the restless dead, and a devastating loss on the road to a protected village called Nicodemus has Jane questioning everything she thought she knew about surviving in 1880's America.

What's more, this safe haven is not what it appears - as Jane discovers when she sees familiar faces from Summerland amid this new society. Caught between mysteries and lies, the undead, and her own inner demons, Jane soon finds herself on a dark path of blood and violence that threatens to consume her.

But she won't be in it alone.

Katherine Deveraux never expected to be allied with Jane McKeene. But after the hell she has endured, she knows friends are hard to come by - and that Jane needs her, too, whether Jane wants to admit it or not.

Watching Jane's back, however, is more than she bargained for, and when they both reach a breaking point, it's up to Katherine to keep hope alive - even as she begins to fear that there is no happily-ever-after for girls like her (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings:  

 → Geena:  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

 → Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ x1000

Overall: A killer sequel to Dread Nation, you’re constantly on the edge of your seat and each chapter is a new layer of stress. There’s never a moment of rest and repose because Justina Ireland hooks you with the first chapter and doesn’t let go until you’ve turned the last page.

~ Check out the spoiler-full review/plot discussion below!

The Bad: 

→ Redjack and Redfern

Geena: We’re starting with the bad because as Kae said ‘So much bad happens before the good’ and that’s the best way to describe this book. Let’s start off with our fave rogue from Dread Nation who turns out to be a WHOLE BITCH!!! Once Jane and Katherine and Co. get out of Summerland and meet up with him to plan their next move, Jane and them want to go to Nicodemus (a safe town run by a black man and a council of freed slaves and indigenous ppl). Redjack is like ‘it’s an overpopulated place let’s not’ but Jane isn’t dumb and sniffs out that there’s something else, and after Katherine and Jane both needle him we find out that… THIS BITCH IS MARRIED… AND HAS BEEN FOR A WHILE?????? ALL THE WHILE HE WAS FLIRTING AND MACKING ON JANE HE WAS MARRIED????????????? This is the start of the downfall of men in this book, it only gets worse from here… Jane confronts him about being played and he’s basically like ‘Jane you’re fun and all but like you’d never settle down, I seen you fighting and stuff just because you want to… I need a home for Lily’... and like… ok.... Jane is immediately like ‘He wanted a doormat’ and I DIED… but karma works fast and he gets bit by a shambler literally the same night lmao… and guess who kills him? JANE.. though it’s quite emotional because she had feelings for him. 

Jane also steals one of his letters when she kills him and kjnsfdskj we find out his wife is preggers but who’s gonna tell her that Redjack is capital d DEAD...  

Kae: Alright. MF’n REDJACK. This man… With his cute ass… He was just TRASH. A real fuckboy and Geena summed him up perfectly. I was like, a lil sad to see him go? But good riddance to him for playing my Janey Jane. She may be a tough-ass, but she absolutely has feelings (THAT SHE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO COPE WITH) but still. She has feelings. 

So now, let’s talk about Redfern’s shady ass. I’ve always side-eyed Redfern. I didn’t trust him. I had a very hard time trusting him because how you gone help The White Man ™  help enslave black and other indigenous peoples for your own gain? Like, boy fuck you. Shady ass. He’s the one that transported Jane, Katherine, and Red Jack to Summerland in the first place. So it was definitely a shock to see his fool ass in Nicodemus as the damn SHERIFF. LIKE WHO TF?

Geena: RIGHT I WAS LIKE WHY IS HE EVERYWHERE? IS HE CLONING HIMSELF??

Kae: And like, he jails Jane because when her and the gang arrive, the surviving folks of Summerland blame her for the small settlement falling to the dead. Redfern is like “Look, Jane. I know you ain’t do that shit. But I gotta jail you so they can stfu. You’ll get a fair trial.” And Jane doesn’t trust this and neither do I. Because black people didn’t get a fair ANYTHING back then. (We still don't) BUT THAT’S ANOTHER STORY. ANYWAAAAAAAY. Jane catches Redfern shooting the breeze with Miss Duncan and they eventually set her free. All the while, Katherine, a few homies they met in Summerland, and a few homies from Miss Prestons, are planning to break Jane out and BOUNCE. When Jane and Katherine finally reunite, Katherine is like “JANE. MY BESTIE. I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU!” And Jane is like “Lol, yikes. We’re not even friends wtf?” Because again, Jane can’t handle feelings or people genuinely caring about her. That has a bit to do with mommy issues. NOW.  Jane has been trying to tell the council of Nicodemus that the horde of zombies will break down the wall that protects the city. But they’re like “HURR DURR SHUT UUUUP. We have machine guns. And that Gideon scientist boy has been keeping up gucci.” And Jane knows walls don’t hold forever. So she’s like we need to get TF up out of here. So she starts making a plan… And that’s when shit starts going south.

Geena: Like Kae said, Redfern is a traitor in all sense of the word… The only time he seems normal is when he’s hardcore crushing on Miss Duncan, but even then… He ends up telling Jane that he only cares about self-preservation and that’s why he’ll stab even his own mother in the back if it means he’ll be safe… OKAY HE DOESN’T SAY THAT BUT REDFERN 100% WOULD… Well kARMA GOT IT’S KISS FOR REDFERN TOO bc when Nicodemus falls, Miss Duncan also turns shambler so kjndsfkjsdfnsd

He ends up being a double agent near the end of the book, pretending to be Jane and Katherine’s ally, only to turn them over to the VILLAIN.. But then also helps them escape? A very morally questionable character and also another example of Deathless Divide saying ‘men aint shit’.

Kae: He triple crossed their asses. Triple agent mf 

→ The Fall of Nicodemus 

Kae: WHEWWWW. The fall of Nicodemus was something else. I knew it was going to happen, but damn, it was bad. So, we have bitchboy Gideon, who Jane has taken a bit of a liking to. And he wants her to convince the rest of the town to get a ‘Shambler Vaccine’ to protect them. She refuses because she has no idea if the vaccine really works. At least, not yet she does. So at some point, Gideon convinces all the people of Nicodemus to get vaccinated. But he vaccinates all of the original inhabitants of Nicodemus first, then the assholes from Summerland. But the thing is, he runs out of vaccines by the time he has to vaccinate the Summerland folk, and they’re being PISSY about it like “waaaaa, you vaccinated all the black folks before us, WAAA IM A FUCKIN BABY” so he hurries and makes a quick vaccine. Well, THIS QUICK BATCH TURNS THE FOLKS OF SUMMERLAND INTO ZOMBIES. THIS DUMBASS BITCHASS GIDEON TURNS THE DAMN PEOPLE. So he and Miss Duncan stuff them all in a barn or whatever, then DESTROYYYYYY the fence/wall in the back of the town to try to lead them out. Redfern helps too, I think. And then shit. Gets. Real. The machine gun they had isn’t holding them off and some damn zombies done came around the back entrance they created by destroying the fence, and they start CHOMPIN. 

Geena: AS KAE SAID… GIDEON AND DUMBITCH CO. MADE A WHOLE BACKDOOR FOR THE ZOMBIES IN AN ATTEMPT TO COVER UP HIS OWN MISTAKE… Reading about the fall was really sad, because this group of well meaning people WHO BTW AREN’T WHITE, that established a community where black and indigenous folk can find SOME SEMBLANCE of justice is overrun by zombies bc of a bitchass white boy’s hubris. So, the zombies get through the backdoor and as Jane and Katherine are slicing and dicing they stumble onto the group they traveled with.. Who also turned.. And Jane has to kill that little baby boy because he too, got turned into a zombie… Also, during the fall of Nicodemus Jane gets bit :( and separates from Katherine and Co. to die alone at the sheriff’s office… But then she doesn't… because back in book 1 when Gideon gave her a vaccine… it worked. So, Jane wakes up to Gideon… the last person she wants to see… who is basically gloating about his vaccine working and he’s making excuses for himself? Callie (a new friend) tries to kill Gideon, but he escapes and she ends up helping Jane instead… where Jane loses her arm :( 

Literally, a White Man’s ego can destroy a whole town built on the blood and sweat of freed slaves and indigenous people, JUST BECAUSE he thinks he knows better… 

Kae: So like, when Jane wakes up, she threatens to kill Gideon, even though she’s sick and basically puking the zombie virus out of her. While Gideon is gloating, Callie (Jane’s friend and future girlfriend) shoots towards Gideon, but misses. She then cuts off Jane’s bitten arm. The two of them spend a bit of time in the fallen Nicodemus, looking at all of the zombiefied townspeople and healing so they can leave. They both want to track down Gideon and KILL HIS ASS. Which I support. And now we venture into PART 2 OF THE BOOK BAYBEEEEE. 

The Ugly

→ Gideon

Kae: WE’RE GOING TO OFFICIALLY TALK ABOUT BITCHASS, SKANK-ASS GIDEON. Dawg, when I tell you I HAAATED this man, I mean it. I have never wanted a character to die more than I wanted Gideon to parish. This man caused the fall of not one, but MULTIPLE TOWNS AND THE WHOLE DAMN CITY OF SAN FRANCISCO. 

After the fall of Nicodemus, Jane and Callie set out to track down Gideon. On their tracking adventures, Jane becomes a bounty hunter in order to make money so she can continue on her search for Gideon. Jane is like, a hundred times more badass now. She’s a one armed, zombie slaying, bounty hunter that kills people who have done immense wrong to others. She and Callie learn through their travels that Gideon escaped safely and went on to get funded by some rich folk. In Gideon’s own escapades, he has caused the fall of another small town. And guess how he did that? This IDIOT vaccinated another town and they all turned ‘Shambler’ (zombie). Then he fucks off and escapes so he can’t get in trouble. Jane and Callie make it to California, where Jane hopes to reunite with her mother. There, she kills a man, which pisses Callie off. So while they’re shacked up in a hotel, Callie leaves while Jane is sleeping. And Callie’s punk ass takes all of Jane’s money with her, leaving Jane without anything but the clothes on her back. 

Geena: We don’t stan Callie in this house. If she loved Jane that much she would’ve left her SOME money wtf

Kae: TRUE. SO FUCK, CALLIE. LIL BIIIEEETCH. But yeah, Callie dips tf out and leaves Jane with nothing. Callie DID give Jane the option to come with her and start a new life, but Jane is kind of being fueled by her revenge and it’s blinded her. I feel bad too because Jane is also being haunted by Redjack’s ghost. So there’s that. 

Geena: Gideon the perfect example why ~intellectual~ men don’t deserve ANY rights. He’s so obsessed with his own research and bullshit, he thinks that no one knows what’s best for humanity other than him, that he brings about death and destruction wherever he goes. He’s the reason Nicodemus falls, he’s also the reason that the West Coast (which is seen as shambler free because it’s protected by mountains) also falls… BECAUSE THIS BITCH CAUSES ANOTHER SHAMBLER OUTBREAK with a faulty vaccine. When Jane and Callie decided to hunt him down I was like LIVING!!! LIKE KILL THAT WHITE BOY!! Who cares for nothing other than being successful… Also, the fact that every boy Jane has thought to be cute was trash is killing me… Girl… needs better taste HONESTLY…

Also, while trying to make himself look like a Sad Boy he forcefully injects his vaccine into Katherine… WHICH ALMOST KILLS HER, but SIIIKKEE because Katherine ends up killing him instead 😎 I personally wanted his death to be WORSE and more PAINFUL for all the shit he’s done but Justina Ireland kept it SHORT and Sweet. 

The Good

→ Jane and Katherine

Geena: THE ONE… THE ONE GOOD THING THAT CAME OUT OF THIS DUOLOGY… JANE AND KATHERIN’S FRIENDSHIP… LITERAL RIDE OR DIES... BC JANE TECHNICALLY DIES AT ONE POINT LMAO

Like Kae mentioned earlier, Katherine has fully accepted Jane as a friend by the time they get to Nicodemus, but Jane is still unsure (kinda thinks she isn’t a friend type of person). Katherin reaffirms that she will be there for Jane, but Jane is like Sideyes… But, as the story progresses, after Jane “dies” Katherine spends the rest of the novel constantly thinking of Jane and wishing she had said more.  ALL THE WHILE JANE is killing her way to the West Coast.

When they do meet though it kinda hurt because Jane is essentially like ‘Sorry, the old Jane can’t come to the phone right now... because she’s dead’ and Katherine is like ?????????. Jane believes herself to be a monster, because um… she’s just been bounty hunting bad people and because she’s driven by her rage against Gideon - IMO I don’t think that would’ve made her heartless or a monster, but Callie reiterates that she doesn’t like Jane like that (as a killer)… obviously, her resolve was weaker than Jane’s but n e ways. Katherine is also like ‘omg Jane killed that dude without remorse’ (Jane kills a r*pist in front of her, but Katherine doesn’t know what he did). REGARDLESS, uNLIKE SOMEONE (Callie) Katherine doesn’t give up on Jane and accompanies her wherever Jane goes because she knows she can bring back the old Jane and… when I tell you a bitch was emotional :’) AND ALSO THE ENDING WAS BEAUTIFUL though bittersweet

Kae: Okay, let me just say, from the bottom of my heart, that I absolutely adore Jane and Katherine’s friendship. Jane thinks it was built on their shared experience of being kidnapped, but in reality, it was built on their respect for each other. When Kate first saw Jane, she was SHOOK. And Jane was like ‘oh fuck, be cool. Act like you don’t care.’ and so that happened, as Geena explained above. But Katherine stuck around because that’s her best friend and you never give up on your best friend when they’re going through something. 

Jane continues to be a meanass to Kate, but Katherine ignores it to the best of her ability and pulls her knickers up and keeps by Jane’s side. In this, Katherine notices that Jane calls her by her full name instead of just “Kate”, which was something Jane always did because she knew it annoyed Katherine. So when Jane starts to let down her guard, she slips up and calls her “Kate” and this takes Katherine to the moon! She’s so excited to see her Jane coming back! But Jane is like “whoops, I'm showing feelings. Can’t let that shit happen” and she hunkers back down. 

While Jane was off being dead and bounty hunting, Katherine was on a boat (but I don’t remember doing what) with Lily and Sue (Sue is from Miss Prestons and Nicodemus) and her new friend, a man named Carolina. When they get to California, they realize that it’s not as black friendly as they’d hoped, but it’s presumably safe so that’s what matters. Katherine here’s that San Francisco might offer them a better life, so she and her gang make the trip to get there. That’s when they run into Jane and all the above happens. 

One of my favourite parts is Carolina not liking Jane because his first introduction is killing a man without hesitation. But Katherine is like “Pfffft, oh that’s just Jane! It’s FINE!” all the while internally she’s like ‘omgomgomg wtf’. And that’s when Katherine agrees to help Jane kill Gidon and also find her mother. 

In the end, they kill Gideon’s horrible ass and end up finding Jane’s mother safe and sound in a small settlement in the mountains called New Haven. Jane’s mother is happy to see Jane, but is totally dismissive of Jane's experience and all she had to do to get to her mother again. I felt really bad for Jane because she did EVERYTHING to get back to her mother and her mom was a DICK. Anyway, Jane leaves with Redfern so they can find a new place (as reluctant homies, not as a couple) and Katherine is like “AYO, YOU JUST GONE LEAVE ME WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE, BITCH? I SAID I’M YOUR BEST FRIEND SO WHERE WE GOIN!?” And then all three of them prance off into the sunset with a new goal of finding a better life and man, a bitch (aka me and Geena) were CRYIIIIING because it was so sweet and we just love two best friends who are down for one another.  

Geena: YEEEEEEESSSSSSS, the ending was bittersweet because like Kae mentioned, Jane had been searching for her mother and her Aunt Aggie hoping to find comfort in their arms. But.. when she got to New Haven, the old life she had been desperately longing for was no longer there. Aunt Aggie was dead and her mother had remarried, and like Kae said, she ignored everything Jane had been through- not wanting to share in her daughter’s sorrows. Jane quickly realized that this wasn’t the place for her, and up and leaves, and this is where the sweetness comes in because the whole scene of Katherine running after Jane 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 Like I had been so scared Justina Ireland wouldn’t give them a happy ending, because how can a zombie story end happily, but this was A LOT better than what I had expected… a bitch (Kae and I SDJKFNSD) teared up.. Just wanna thank Kae for hyping up this sequel before I read it because wow… IT REALLY LIVED UP TO THE HYPE 

Conclusion

Geena: Like I said before, this is one of the best sequels I’ve read. Usually, books end up falling flat when you get to the second but Justina Ireland didn’t fall into the same trap. We finally get Katherine’s POV and get to learn why she insists on wearing a corset, and that she’s not as perfect as Jane believed. There’s heart-stopping action and Jane kicking major ass and truly being The Devil’s Bride. Overall, once I finished this I was like Head Empty because I couldn’t read anything afterwards because I had to take time to digest the wild ride the book had been. Also, one of the biggest takeaways (other than ‘white ppl ain’t shit’) was ‘Men don’t deserve rights’ and honestly? Same.  

Kae: So there we have it! The story ended beautifully and I really, really enjoyed it. I still haven’t been able to read anything after finishing it because it was just THAT GOOD. It’s been about a month since I finished it and I’m still reeling from how beautifully written it was. It was really refreshing to read about two black women who had FEELINGS and were able to express them to the reader (because they had a hard time expressing them to each other lmao) and it was just really nice. Katherine’s backstory was great about how she was born in a brothel house and her mother tried to teach her that if she found the right man, she’d be fine. But Katherine didn’t want that. She wanted a life where she could provide for herself and be independent. What she brought with her from her old life was her corset and she wore because she basically felt it would hold her together and suppress her anxiety. 

Geena: Also, reading about the corset again can I say one of my fave details was Sue helping Katherine loosen it whenever they were in a fight… like the moment Jane disappeared Sue was there to help Katherine and support her …. Sue… the most underrated character AND THE FACT SHE GOT HER HAPPY ENDING MARRIED TO A MANS!!!!  

Kae: Jane learned, unfortunately, that not all things are golden. Her old life that she so desperately wanted a taste of, had gone sour. Her mother was no help to Jane and couldn’t even give her the smallest of sympathies. Those two things were initially what kept Jane going (along with her Aunt Aggie), until Gideon showed up and started doing dumb shit. What Jane also learned though, was that people do care about her and even though Katherine wasn’t blood, she was her family and truly loved Jane for who she was, flaws and all. 

It’s a beautiful story about two black women finding themselves and forming an unbreakable friendship. It’s more than fighting zombies and more than surviving. It’s about LIVING and finding a way to deal with all of the problems and anxieties they face along the way. It's a great story and I urge everyone to read it. Yes, it’s fictional history about zombies. BUT, it is very telling of the time period it takes place in and Justina didn’t sugar coat any of the prejudices Black people and Indigenous peoples went through back then and I appreciated that. Deathless Divide is beautiful and poetic and heartwarming in the best of way. <3 

[silversprit]

me reacting to danganronpa shit with no context

includes all 3 main games! ask for context if u want heeheh

FUCK YALL ITS CANON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BRO ITS LITERALLY THERE ITS ALL THERE (referring to leosaya of course)

i also love how everyone else hates him, though him and mukuro junko coudlve been really intriguing

kyoko doesnt even waste time speaking

SAYAKA DO IT. FRIENDZONE THAT NAEGI

DIUKGJHSDN DKUCFH CNXUDGFJKHN AXGUF NAEGIRI CANON CELESTE/MAKTOTO CANON????? WHY DOES EVERYONE LOVE MAKOTO at least sayaka friendzoned him

MONDO WHAT THE HELL ok its confirmed hes gay AHHAHA LEON JEALOUS OF THEIR FRIENDSHIP AHAHAHAHAHAH

HOYL SHIT NOOO LEON AND SAYAKA NEVER SAW GENOCIDER :( NEITHER DID MUKURO NO!!!

SAYAKA DO NOT BE THAT ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT TOGAMI HE IS NOT WORTH YOUR BREATH

CELESGAMI CANON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNEW IT WO- maybe not maybe im reading too deep “he and i are of a kind” WINK WONK

KYOKO JUST LAUGHS WHAT IS THE CONTEXT

toko pleeeease stop obsessing ove rhim hes so bad

ishimondo canon i think that ones actually canon someone on the dr crew said it i think

SAYAKA WTF “he’s great” SAYAKA/ISHIMARU?

fuck you byakuya “don’t breathe until i tell you to” shut the fuck up

-

i would say band-aid confirmed but honestly? it already was MONOKUMA HUH WHAT

hm comparing gundam to komaeda… is that a good comparison? idk much about sdr2 i cant say for sure SONDAM CONFIRMED again it probably already was

sodddaaaa dont beat him up

HAHAH THE GIRLS DISSING TERUTERU IS SO FUNNY akane just here for the food

i love you twogami you are so good HAJIME NOT KNOWING WHAT YAOI IS JUST… MMM FEELS RIGHT

OOH CHIAKI SORTA DISSING HAJIME OUCH

AKANE!! WHAT THE HELL THATS SO FORWARD I GUESS THAT THING FROM THAT ONE SCENE WAS MORE THAN JUST

TERUTERU GAY FOR HAJIME CONFIRMED also kazuichi/hajime but thats more believable… wait “come and be my worthy partner” TWOGAMI/HAJIME EVERYONE IS SO HORNY FOR THE PROTAGS

“she’s in the wild ‘n wet world of yuri now!” IBUKI WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ARE YOU DATING HER WAHAT i mean i do think it could be cute also hajime’s was surprisingly calmer than i thought it would be

WOAH HIYOKO WHAT THE SHIT DID YOU JUST SAY KOMAEDA WAS INTO LOLICON WHAT honestly im glad no one trusts komaeda (this will get me murdered)

SONIA KNOWS KUZUPEKO CANON EHLL YEAH ibuki was friends with him? i dont remember that

everyone is being angry at ibuki gonna kms /j /j /j shes just playin her death metal HIYOKO NOOO WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY ONE WHO LIKES IT

F-FUYUHIKO BLUSHING AT CHIAKI??? NO. I CANNOT ACDEPT THIS ibuki is so gay i love her she is best girl for a reason

i dont trust most of the people’s reactions to her thats weird

akane just confess to nekomaru already damn you dont gotta keep innuendoing ooookay is teruteru bi cause hoyl shit these reactions make me think so thats actually p cool

ibuki keeps referencing that one scene in chapter 2 and i love that

hajime says “stop talking about your panties”…. bro shes- you know what nvm he can figure it out on his own

KUZUPEKO CANONNNNNNNNNNNNN

ibuki being gay for peko feeds me i love them together but like kuzupeko but like peko has two hands! gundam just laughing.. imposter sus

glad none of the dudes (except for teruteru rolling eyes emoji) is being horny for hiyoko and monokuma calling her a loli is. technically correct? shes an adult if the dr timeline is right

love that ibuki still goin on about that scene girl… same also love that kazuichi and gundam bonding over loving sonia

ibuki rejecting soda like that… good for her. hajime yes you’re soul friends geeez it snot that hard to understand

-

havent played v3 so my opinions might be stupid (you have been warned)

wow these are surprisingly boring also whats with the talk of ghosts thats weird

miu dont diss tsumugi like that i thought she was cute also yeah okay maki you dont need to be like “im not interested” okay we know u straight baby its ok /hj kaito wanna see her cosplay (lenny face)

HAHAH RIP SHUICHI

STFU KOKICHI HIMIKO IS NOT UGLY UGGGHGH WHY DOES THE FANDOM LOVE YOU YOU PIECE OF GARBAGE

angie finds keebo attractive you say? and tsumugi asks if he knows romance? and shuichi calling him a dryer? fascinating

angie calling gonta a grandma is both cute and kinda odd. why is kirumi calling him mother? my god miu can you not be horny for 5 minutes

ohhh i get it now nvm gonta asked if she was the mom of the group AND KOKICHI ASKING HER TO BE HIS MOM HAHA KOKICHI MOMMY KINK LOLOLOL tsumugi drooling ooh

OHH GONTA CALLED ANGIE THE GRANDMA OF THE GROUP WHILE BLUSHING WHAT angie is honestly so cute shes obsessed with atua and sacrifices but shes cute

kaede asking why korekiyo wears a mask… sadge if only she knew what awaited her in 2020 also maki asking who his sister is is

monokummma

aw kaede called tenko cute. also kiyo just straight up being like “yeah imma kill her” is so brave

shuichis is so boringgigig

-

im crying i cant find the ultra despair girls one

ALSO I HOPE YOU NOTICED THAT THE DR1 ONE IS ONLY LIKE HALF OF THE CHARACTERS BECAUSE I WAS SO HAPPY THAT LEOSAYA HAPPENED THET I JUST HAD TO POST ABOUT IT

[katie-maher]

Moth

this is literally the dumbest thing i’ve ever written and it wont make any sense but, yeah

Dear _ _ _,                                                                                                             

i genuinely don’t think you’ll ever know how much i care about you. but i don’t think you’ll ever want to know. It’s not like the feelings here are reciprocated. But even through all the insults and pain. i can’t seem to let you go. i remember the first time i “met” you. it was a group chat and you wouldn’t stop sending pictures of your fucking dog. and also you as a small human ((which were pretty cute i mus admit)) and i got so sick of your bullshit. you were a cunt from the start. so i ignored you. but the more i heard about you the more i was intrigued. i saw photos of you, and i don’t know what it was but holy shit you were cute. i asked my friends about you. i got told over and over again. “he’s homophobic” “he’s never had a girlfriend” “he’s not the crush type”. but me being the dumb bitch i am, i didn’t care. so i don’t know why but i texted you on 02/11/19. but i did. i asked if i look like a fucking pencil. what kind of opener is that? anyway, you said yes. and now i look back on those messages, i realise how much hope you had in me. maybe you were being nice, cause that hope isn’t there now. we talked for a month. long story short you called my best friend ugly. and i will forever hold that against you, but i ignored it. i started to think maybe we had something. but i realised you talked to my friend more than me. and as petty as it is, it hurt. but soon after that everything stopped. and we fought. everyday. i thought you were wrong. i pushed you away. i yelled, and screamed and cried. but you didn’t listen. and you still don’t, but that’s not the point. You refused to listen. so i blocked you. i cut you off. and i allowed myself to breath. i saw you in the wrong. i tried to forget but i couldn’t. i let you back in, but you clearly didn’t want to be there. you missed so much in my life. you missed when one of my friends asked me to kiss her, and when i was at a party and my best friend confessed his feelings to me. after making sexual jokes about my body with his friends. you missed when my dad was in the hospital having heart surgery a week before we all went into lock down. but i know you wouldn’t care. i know you wouldn’t have been there for me. but i let you back in. because i care. over the last few weeks we’ve been talking more. and i’ve been slowly falling fall you fucking speeding down a hill. the other night everything changed. you said something you regretted. and what you said didn’t hurt as much as how quickly you apologised. it hurts that you know what you were doing was wrong, but you still said it. as fucking stupid as it sounds, every time i say uwu. yeah uwu. my chest begins to feel tight and i feel tears forming in my eyes. i guess i just don’t wanna be told to “get fucked you depressed cum slut” again idk man. but i let it go. i tried to ignore you but i couldn’t. i tried to move forward. but you kept fucking up. everything you say feels fake. and that’s where we are now. so, i love you but please stop - Katie x

P.S: i know you only talk to me still cause you wanna get high with me but im not gonna smoke with you so stfu

[cecesenpai]

NCT Dream as Your Brothers.

Mark

• Older Brother

• MAD ANNOYING

• Throws parties when your parents are away.

• Always up in your business

• Thinks he's hilarious and tries to make your friends laugh whenever they're over.

• L O U D

• Constantly roasting each other

"Mark, do I look cute in this?"

"I don't have an opinion on what ugly people wear"

"You literally look like chicken little"

"Stfu, you gnome"

• But, and he'll never let you know, he scares anyone that's interested in you away because he doesn't think anyone is good enough for you.

"Yo, is your sister seeing anyone?"

"Oh no, bro. But I heard you were."

"What??"

"Yeah man, I heard you were seeing an early grave if you don't step off my little sister."

Renjun

• Older Brother (but you're like one inch taller than he is)

• Head locks for days

• Literally wakes you up 2 a.m. because he thinks there's a ghost in the house

"Get the fuck up. We're cleansing the house."

"Renjun, go back to bed. If this is like the water bottle thing, I'm going to tell Mom and Dad to send you to a loony bin"

"I SAW WHAT I SAW, HURRY AND GET THE SAGE"

• Will talk your ear off about conspiracy theories

• people constantly mistake you as the older one

• Is publicly overprotective

"Hey, your older sister is kinda a bitch"

"First of all, SHE'S THE YOUNGEST. Second, you have a 5 second head start, before my 5'7 ass, beats the shit out of you."

Jeno

• Older Brother

• Popular at school but at home he's such a werido

• All your friends have had a crush on him at some point.

• Always asks if you want to get/make him food

"Do you wanna get food?"

"No, I'm good"

".... Please get food with me? Please, my tummy is making the rumblies"

• Tell bad jokes that make you cringe

• Always there to give you good advice.

"Hey, don't stress too much over the little things. You got me right here for you and I'll help you out with whatever you need."

Haechan

• Little Brother

• HE'S THE BIGGEST BRAT

• Goes in your room without knocking

• Eats up the favoritism of being the youngest

• Rats you out for ANYTHING

"Did you just kiss that boy who walked you home?"

"Don't you dare tel--"

"MOM, SIS HAS A BOYFRIEND"

• Even though he's a brat, he still wants your love and attention

• Will spread rumors about people you don't like.

"Oh wait till my finsta spills the tea on this bitch"

Jaemin

• Twins (technically you're older by like a minute)

• Used to confused people about who was who when you were younger

• big video game nerd

"Again. PLAY ME AGAIN"

"Jaemin, last time we played Mario party 7, we didn't talk for 2 whole weeks."

"IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU'RE A SNAKE THAT STEALS WINDMILLS AT THE LAST SECOND"

• Y'all have that weird twin communication where you don't have to say anything to understand each other.

• Low key flirts with your friends

• Gossips till 3am

"And then I said wow you a real shady bitch, oops can't relate, HA."

Chenle

• Little Brother

• he's a child prodigy and super competitive about it

• Likes to sit in when you have friends over

"Chenle, can you go somewhere else?"

"This is the LIVING room, if I go anywhere else I'm going to die. How are you going to explain that to Mom and Dad, HMM"

• Low key is funny af

• So LOUD

• Always quick to defend you

"Mom, please stop yelling at Sis. She's trying really hard and you should see that"

Jisung

• Little Brother

• Very shy and sensitive

• Hids behind you when he's anxious

• You're extremely protective of him

"Who made fun of you for not talking? Tell me their name and address, I'm going fight this kid"

"Sis, stop. It's fine, I don't-"

"It's not fine for someone to make you feel bad about being yourself, Jisung. Lemme tech them some manners"

• Low key savage

• Clumsy bean

"Jisung, did you break another plate?"

"Please don't tell Mom. This is the second one this week. My hands are too big"

"Shouldn't that ensure a better grip though? Or did you slip up again?"

"No..."

[bumblesimagines]

Rewatching Eclipse

Thoughts and shit

"Marry me" "No bitch"

Bell clearly doesn't/isn't ready to get married

"It's called a compromise" stfu

"Knocked up" oof

Ew I'm skipping cuz this cutesy shit ain't for me

Stop being a bitch to Charlie

"Edward is in my life" i think your seventeen and you're an idiot. He's a guy.

Jake wasn't a dick when Bell was in her time of need

He really broke something from her truck to stop her from seeing a friend what a piece of shit

Love that Mike/Ned/Nate

Jasper got a new haircut

"That's what you said last time" ouch, he's right there Bell

With each passing movie, everyone gets prettier

How come they don't bother with contacts? Golden eyes aren't normal

"Super. That makes me super happy." poor Charlie

Why was she staring out into the water like that??

Her mom's cool

She looks fifteen with the sunglasses

TELL HER MAMA

Cool gift. She's not gonna need it lmao

STAY HUMAN YOU'LL FINE BETTER DICK SOMEWHERE ELSE

Y'all look like a cult standing like that

Why'd they change the actress for Victoria? It's so obvious lmao

Wolves

Half of the movies is just running

Rosalie looking out for her man

Emmett and Paul should've been friends

Wtf is that intro song for Jake?? Lmao

Bella and Jake always have angsty moments in bad weather

Stfu Ed

She deserves to know

MiSuNdErStAnDiNg

Jake lmao

He's always lying to you Bells

Jake looked really confused when Bell said she called him

I like the boots Jake

Soundtrack *chefs kiss*

All of them rushing out is so cute awe

Monologue

I love them

L E A H

I love HER

Emily owo

The boys really are like children

Jake don't be a dick Leah's cool

Sam and Leah should've talked

Imprinting is brought up. Finally.

Her her her her what about the gays, Jake?

Wait... I thought Jake did imprint but it was somehow... Not really

A MONTH???

He has a point. She hasn't even lived.

Jake is a dick but he has some fair points.

PRETTY BOY finn? Or was his name Riley?

Leave pops alone pretty boy

His eyes?? IM SO LOST

Rosalie is so 💕💕💕

She has Jake

Aye ya girl was right

You need them Ed

Same here Bella. Both of them are annoying

Monologue

Emmett and Alice look so dumb standing there lmao

Flexing on these hoes

Oof he kisses her just to piss him off

"Hey beautiful" stOP

BONFIRE

Council meeting? Oh oof

History to make her not trust vamps lmao

SETHSETHSETHSETH

OwO i love Seth. His voiceeeeee

Your as cold as ice

Nice shift there buddy.

Screaming match

She couldn't have cut her palm or some shit? But whatever! Love the story

Way to guilt trip Jake lmao

Finn/Riley looks so disgusted but he's so attractive 💕

Emmett has so much chaotic energy i love it

So his name IS Riley aight super cute

Charlie is such a good dad

you're already selfish for constantly lying to her Ed

OOH IS THIS THE SCENE WHERE SHE PUNCHES JAKE AND BREAKS HER HAND??

Mkay truth. Options.

In love or did you imprint?

She just rejected you wHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND

Lmao ain't for long

She wants to change. Ask Ed lmao

Bell is so uncomfortable poor girl

LMAO THE SOUND WHEN HER FIST CONNECTED TO HIS CHEEK JUST *thump*

The way Jake explained it is so funny

Oop Rosalie 💕

Bonding time

I AM TEAM ROSALIE fuck Ed and Jake

FUCK ROYCE

Rosalie deserved better

ROSALIE IS MY QUEEN

Jesus so silent and then just screaming lmao

Riley uwu

Alec and Jane 💕

Damn his back must hurt like a bitch

Jane's voice is so soft

Jessica's speech is *chefs kiss*

Nice party outfit Bell

I wonder if anyone stole anything lmao

Right hook lmao

Highly doubt he made anything

Did they kick everyone out??

RILEY

Oh no nvm

Yeah no shit they're after her

They were made for fighting Bell

Ooh the training scene

You've never met a newborn Bell lmao

Jake you ass

The whole ride there and he didn't notice the bracelet??

WOLVES

They look so soft

Sam noted Carlisle's words lmao

Mr. Jasper Hale

Musiccc

How come the wolves didn't train? Like with each other?

They look so soft

She's bait good to know

Jaspers backstory is so... Oof

He suddenly got an accent

Ma'am

My apologizes ma'am

As a spanish speaker, hearing that over and over again was uncomfortable

Rileyyyy

Why is he so pretty????

Ooof Victoria

as bAIT

Bella looks kind of like Elena lmao

Jake tried to be funny but got pissed off

Stinks

Jasper tried to be nice with the scent comment

"Since I let Sam"

Thanks for mentioning it Bell

But uh, Sam would beat Jacob's ass

It's called a poly relationship, Jake

She broke her hand, If I were her I'd be nervous too

Alice and Charlie.. It's uncomfy

"Like.. Alone?" you're not getting any dick Bell

Charlie said Alice x Bella rights

"wat"

Charlies attempt at the 'talk'

Old school sounds... Terrible

"I'm a virgin!" "aosjaiauha glad we covered that" "Me too!"

Just say you got jelly and go Ed

Pretty bed

She thinks she's gonna get some

"Anything you want is yours" "yoUR DICK"

Ed is a good Christian boy

Bell is super thirsty holy shit

Ed is saving it til marriage good for him

Courted you ugh

That is one ugly- Oh it's your mother's? Wow it's so cute

R I L E Y

So she's lying to him

The talon clan was what I heard lmao

She's pretty too

Put a bandaid on it sweets

What she's trying to say is "it's an ugly ass ring"

They can feel the weather??? Huh??

"Same old same old" you don't even knOW

Aaljaiaha i can imagine them fucking power walking underwater

"What can I do?" stay the hell away

I wanna know what Jake was thinking lmao

"She's in love with me too. She just won't admit it to herself" no Jacob, you're supposed to be her bestie

They're bondingggg

Jake ruined it

Ed seems really sweet and genuine in this scene

THEY 👏 SHOULD'VE 👏 BEEN 👏 A 👏 POLY 👏 COUPLE

The shared smilesss

THEY 👏 SHOULD'VE 👏 BEEN 👏 A 👏 POLY 👏 COUPLE

A flannel in the snow. Lit.

SETH

Oop-

He did deserve to know. He's not fighting lmao

"Maybe I'll get myself killed and make it simple" Go ahead and jump off that cliff/mountain your on Jake

"That's not good enough" bitch-

Jacob your a little bitch for actually kissing her

She's engaged oml lmao

PushhimoffBell

He was gonna go anyways-

More like heard

He's her best friend dude

Does nobody understand platonic love???

We love a good power couple

EMMETT AND PAUL SHOULD'VE BEEN BROS

Seth is babey

Poor Riley he's babey

SETH

Victoria is a good villian. She had a good reason to attack the Cullens.

Riley should've been adopted and become best buds with Seth

You could've just pricked your finger Bell lmao

Her eyes were open in one shot and closed in the next

Only you can prevent forest fires

Lowkey ship Jake and Leah

We can see your faces, no need to take off the hoods lmao

Billy, Carlisle, Charlie, and Sam should've started a 'Done with my children' club

Lmao Jake says Ed isn't as bad as he thought and then said he wasn't as perfect as she thought what??

Give. It. Up. Jake.

The romance field is back. Sigh.

THEY 👏 SHOULD'VE 👏 BEEN 👏 A 👏 POLY 👏 COUPLE

"Like literally stumbling through my life" lmao meee

At least she didn't say I'm not like other girls

Ugly ass ring won. Yay.

[sassiperere]

Sex Tape

Title: Sex Tape Pairing: Akira Kurusu/Ryuji Sakamoto Rating: M (implied sexual content) Word Count: 3712 Summary: futaba gets a hold of some compromising information and it all goes downhill from there (chatfic)

Fucking i dont even REMEMBER how we got to this conversation in the pegoryu discord server BUT WE DID and we semi rpd this whole thing at 11pm all the way through midnight and i was writing this thing based on that conversation at like 2 am so im actually very embarrassed but anyway enjoy this fucking chaos of a fanfic

READ IT ON AO3

GROUP NAME: ✨ PHANTOM THIEVES ✨

MEMBERS: Capable Leader™, -` RYUJI ´-, ANN~, Yusuke K., Makoto, [hacker voice].

TODAY 00:47 AM

[hacker voice]: Gee, futaba, what do you do with all your amazing hacking skills?

[hacker voice]: I leak government secrets, destroy anonymous organizations and hack into my old neopets account because I forgot the password and I wanted to feel nostalgic

Makoto: What’s that?

[hacker voice]: children’s website. You had to adopt a “neopet” and raise it kinda like a Tamagotchi. It had some really fun features like games and events and shit. It really kept me entertained when I was younger

[hacker voice]: comfort site, if you will.

Makoto: Sounds nice!

Capable Leader™: you played that? I thought it was really boring when I tried

[hacker voice]: with all due respect wtf is wrong with you?

Capable Leader™: I dunno, all the neopets looked kinda ugly…

[hacker voice]: you have a dick with tentacles as a persona and you’re calling neopets ugly????

Capable Leader™: I never said Mara was pretty

[hacker voice]: point taken

[hacker voice]: but like my point is

[hacker voice]: kacheeks

Capable Leader™: They were kinda cute but I abandoned one for a soy sauce or whatever was that dragon one

[hacker voice]: that’s it

[hacker voice]: that’s where I draw the line

[hacker voice]: you’re dead to me

[hacker voice]: I’m leaking your nudes

Capable Leader™: WTF?? HOW DO YOU HAVE THEM?? I DON’T EVEN HIDE THEM IN MY PHONE ANYMORE??

[hacker voice]: oh my god you actually have nudes?

Capable Leader™: oh…

Capable Leader™: woops…

ANN~: knew it

ANN~: @ -` RYUJI ´- pay the fuck up

-` RYUJI ´-: wtf? WTF??? WTF AKIRA???

-` RYUJI ´-: WHY DO YOU HAVE NUDES??

-` RYUJI ´-: ARE THEY YOURS OR LIKE NUDES YOU RECEIVED?

Capable Leader™: Listen

[hacker voice]: update I got them

Capable Leader™: do you really?

[hacker voice]: four of them were taken on the same day cause your nails were painted black and the other two are from a different angle and your underwear has paw prints on it

Capable Leader™: fuck.

-` RYUJI ´-: FOR REAL??

Makoto: Excuse me what kind of nonsense is going on right now?

[hacker voice]: I hacked into Akira’s PC and got his super secret dick pix

Makoto: I expected better from both of you

ANN~: Guys I’m heer im just slaughging so hard I cant se

-` RYUJI ´-: WHY DO YOU HAVE THESE?? WHO ARE YOU SENDING THEM TO??

Capable Leader™: does it matter who I send my genitals to?

-` RYUJI ´-: UH YEAH?? I CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE WORRIED ABOUT THIS CAN I??

Yusuke K.: What seems to be the matter?

-` RYUJI ´-: AKIRAS BEEN SENDING NUDES TO STRANGERS AND FUTABA GOT THEM

Yusuke K.: Akira I did not know you had nude portraits of yourself

Yusuke K.: You should have informed me. I would gladly appraise them.

Yusuke K.: I would love to paint you too, if you so desire. I’m sure your form is marvelous to capture on canvas.

-` RYUJI ´-: dude…

ANN~: I FEEL BAD THAT IM LAUGHING

Makoto: @Yusuke K. it’s really not what you think…

[hacker voice]: ryuji are you

[hacker voice]: jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeealous?

 PRIVATE MESSAGE: the blonde fuckboy one

the blonde fuckboy one: yo futaba

the blonde fuckboy one: do you actually for real have akiras dick there?

You: YOU ARE I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS

the blonde fuckboy one: stfu

You: yeah I do have akira’s nudes for real, here I’ll send you a sneaky preview as proof

You sent AKIRA_NUDE_1_CENSOR.jpeg

the blonde fuckboy one: oh my god

You: interested in the full, uncensored ver? For a mere fee of 400y you can have it

the blonde fuckboy one: no wtf im not gonna do that to my bro akira

the blonde fuckboy one: but how big is he

You: im speechless

the blonde fuckboy one: is he bigger than me?

You: dunno need material to compare

the blonde fuckboy one: ok

the blonde fuckboy one: wait

the blonde fuckboy one: youre gonna threaten to leak mine too fuck you

You: worth a shot

 PRIVATE MESSAGE: Emo Bob Ross

Emo Bob Ross: Hello, Futaba, I am interested in Akira’s nude portraits. Are you perhaps offering them?

Emo Bob Ross: Ryuji did say Akira was sending them off to strangers so I would imagine he has no quarrel with me evaluating it.

Emo Bob Ross: Should I pick them up at Leblanc?

You: I don’t even know where to start

Emo Bob Ross: Any of them would be fine. It would be difficult to take multiple ones to the dorms regardless.

You: I feel bad now

Emo Bob Ross: ?

You: yusuke… you should go to bed…

You: you’re typing a lot please don’t make this into an art rant thing

Emo Bob Ross: Futaba must I explain once again that nude portraits have no perverted undertones and are about the portrayal of the human being stripped of all it’s factors back down to it’s core, thus revealing it’s innermost self? The true self. The self an artist so desperately seeks to represent and very few up to this date have been successful. My eternal search for the perfect and realest form has me in need of diverse- both physically and spiritually – models that are willing to bare their very souls to me. I am not looking at this experience as a lustful, carnal desire. I would never dare take advantage of someone who has been brave enough to let me gaze upon their being so intimately for the sake of art. We have been through this. I have been through this with several people, in actuality, I’m starting to get a little tired of explaining this over and over again but for the sake of deconstruction of societal standards that block my advancement in the unexplored road to artistic perfection I will gladly do so.

You: holy shit

You: im sorry yusuke but its 1 am im just skimming through this

You: the thing is not that I doubt your passion to your study of the arts

You: the thing is that what I have… is not art…

Emo Bob Ross: I’ll be the judge of that

Emo Bob Ross: Not to offend you but I have a trained eye

You: you know what

You: do you have 400y? For that much you can have the digital copy. Physical copy is gonna be at least 600 depending on the material

Emo Bob Ross: I’m low on cash but I’ll keep you in mind if I manage to rake in the money.

 GROUP NAME: ✨ PHANTOM THIEVES ✨

[hacker voice]: @Capable Leader™ lets make a deal

[hacker voice]: give me a copy of every nude you make willingly and I wont leak these

Capable Leader™: why tf would I do that

[hacker voice]: cause your dick is magical and I’ll split the spoils 20/80

Makoto: Stop this at once. There’s no way this deal is good news. Akira knows this.

Capable Leader™: I demand at LEAST 50/50

Makoto: AKIRA

[hacker voice]: I deserve more?? I’m doing ALL the work?

Capable Leader™: It’s MY dick??

-` RYUJI ´-: he’s right tho… the dick is like 90% of a man’s identity…

ANN~: Whats the other 10%?

-` RYUJI ´-: the balls

ANN~: I’m sorry I asked

[hacker voice] 40/60 is the MAX im willing to go and that’s me being GENEROUS because I recognize you have magic juju dick pix that already fished in two possible buyers

[hacker voice]: and also youre my friend and I love you

-` RYUJI ´-: I never said I’d buy it???

[hacker voice]: sigh

Capable Leader™: Ryuji…

-` RYUJI ´-: UH

Capable Leader™: Bro…

-` RYUJI ´-: I MEAN

Capable Leader™: If you wanted my nudes…

-` RYUJI ´-: I ALSO ENVER SAID I ASKED FUTABA FOR THEM DON’T GET THE WRONG IDEA

Capable Leader™: You just had to ask…

-` RYUJI ´-: LISTEN I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU WERE BIGGER THAN ME THAT’S A MAN THING

-` RYUJI ´-: wait really

ANN~: omfg

Makoto: I feel like this conversation is about to get very intimate

Yusuke K.: I would like to request permission to ask for your nudes as well, Akira

Capable Leader™: oh

Capable Leader™: well that’s a surprising turn of events

Yusuke K.: I fail to see how that surprises you considering you know how I am a fan of the erotica genre and it’s artistic disposition to strip a human bare to it’s very core.

-` RYUJI ´-: no dude…

-` RYUJI ´-: like this is not the nude art thing you keep talking about...

-` RYUJI ´-: this is like

Capable Leader™: (implying I’m not art)

[hacker voice]: touché

-` RYUJI ´-: a dick pic

-` RYUJI ´-: like its just a picture of his dick taken with his phone camera that’s it

Yusuke K.: Well, anything can be art! Art is subjective! I would like to evaluate the photograph!

-` RYUJI ´-: LISTEN MAN, AKIRA DIDN’T TAKE THAT PICTURE TO BE ARTSY, TRUST ME.

Makoto: Yusuke I strongly advise against this

Makoto: If anyone online offers to send you “a nude” please do not accept it…

Yusuke K.: It does intrigue me why anyone would simply want a picture of someone else’s genitalia when you could get the full view…

Makoto: remain intrigued

Makoto: not everything in life needs to be understood

Capable Leader™: Hey Futaba, I accept payment in Ryuji’s nudes as well

[hacker voice]: the contract has been sealed

-` RYUJI ´-: WTF AKIRA

-` RYUJI ´-: I DIDN’T CONSENT TO THIS

Capable Leader™: Come on, Ryuji… my bro…

Capable Leader™: This is just a bro thing…

Capable Leader™: Whomst amongst us never seen their best bro’s dick?

Capable Leader™: You’re my best bro, Ryuji… I wanna get to know every part of you…

Makoto: this is a public chat

[hacker voice]: gross

Capable Leader™: The very deep and intimate connection between two bros is nothing to hide, Makoto…

ANN~: You should hang out and deepen your bond

[hacker voice]: don’t think I don’t know what youre doing ann, that’s cheating

ANN~: ;)

-` RYUJI ´-: bro…

-` RYUJI ´-: If you wanted MY nudes bro…

-` RYUJI ´-: you could have just asked, bro….

Makoto: I can’t believe this is a thing that is happening right now

ANN~: ive turned off the TV this group chat is too lit for me to take my eyes off it

Makoto: it’s 2 am we should prepare to bed

Capable Leader™: [MESSAGE DELETED]

[hacker voice]: FUCK

ANN~: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS IM RAKING IT IN TONIIIIIIIIIIIGHT

ANN~: WAIT WHAT

Capable Leader™: what? I didn’t delete that?

ANN~: FUTABA THATS CHEATING!!

[hacker voice]: YOU CHEATED FIRST! YOU INSTIGATED HIM!

ANN~: I INSTIGATED THE IDEA BUT NOT WHO WOULD BE SAYING IT???

[hacker voice]: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ANN~: SAY IT AGAIN AKIRA

Capable Leader™: @ -` RYUJI ´- come over

[hacker voice]: I hate that im partially to blame for this

-` RYUJI ´-: woah akira

ANN~: no bitch no matter how this conversation went it would end the same way cause im ALWAYS RIGHT

ANN~: I’m making it rain Monday morning. I’m taking Shiho to that fancy cake place she wanted to go.

-` RYUJI ´-: isn’t it kinda late for that??

Capable Leader™: I’m alone and Boss doesn’t open shop tomorrow

Capable Leader™: I can show you the goods myself

Capable Leader™: You know?

-` RYUJI ´-: SDSDMX,X CM SALÇ DAÇSD

-` RYUJI ´-: DID YOUJUST BOOTY CALL ME??

Capable Leader™ sent MAYBESO.gif

-` RYUJI ´-: BRO

Makoto: Gross innuendos publicly aside: finally

Makoto: It was getting frustrating seeing you two obviously pinning on each other

[hacker voice]: and don’t even talk about the baton passes…

Capable Leader™: I mean he hasn’t accepted yet…

ANN~: oh he will

ANN~: he better

-` RYUJI ´-: why should you decide

ANN~: cause as your best friend I know whats best for you and I know for a damn fact you will not get a better score than akira

-` RYUJI ´-: thanks I love you too

ANN~: FUCKING LOOK AT HIM! HE’S OFFERING HIMSELF ON A SILVER PLATTER!

-` RYUJI ´-: THIS IS REALLY AWKWARD FOR ME MAN…

ANN~: don’t embarrass yourself in front of your crush like that

Capable Leader™: I like when they get shy

ANN~: oh my god youre such a slut

Capable Leader™: ;)

-` RYUJI ´-: bro…

ANN~: WHAT ARE YOU DOING STILL IN THE CHATROOM GO ANSWER THE GOD DAMNED BOOTY CALL ALREADY

-` RYUJI ´-: IM REALLY NERVOUS OK

ANN~: RYUJI YOU USELESS BISEXUAL

-` RYUJI ´-: GDI

Capable Leader™: you don’t have to come for real it was just a joke

ANN~:  wait really?

Capable Leader™: @ -` RYUJI ´-

Capable Leader™: wait is he actually coming??

[hacker voice]: yeah he left 5 mins I traced his phone rn

Capable Leader™: oh fuck…..

ANN~: was it actually a joke??

Capable Leader™: No I just didn’t think I’d actually get this far??

ANN~: YOURE BOTH USELESS BISEXUALS AND I HATE YOU

Yusuke K.: Akira may I join you both? If you’re willing to model for me I will certainly not pass on this opportunity

Makoto: Please don’t.

Capable Leader™: oh my god yusuke

Capable Leader™: not today

Capable Leader™: maybe some other day

Capable Leader™: wink wink

Yusuke K.: I understand. Take all the time you need but please consider my request.

[hacker voice]: I can’t believe Ryuji’s about to get the succ

[hacker voice]: according to my gps ryuji should already be at leblanc??

Capable Leader™: oh he’s here alright. Just nervously prancing in front of my front door.

Capable Leader™: I haven’t called to him yet, let a man be ready

Capable Leader™: (I also don’t know if im fully ready so…)

ANN~: oh grl you got this

ANN~: you’ve been training all your life for this

ANN~: besides its not like hes gonna know the difference between a good bj and a bad bj lol

Capable Leader™: youre right

Capable Leader™: but I also you know, care about him a lot

Capable Leader™: I wanna make this a good experience cause I care about ryuji a lot… like in a very gay way…

ANN~: Aww!! :)

Makoto: I want to take no part in this conversation but that was adorable

ANN~: srsly im talking to ryuji rn on private and hes freaking out cause of the same thing

ANN~: wants it to be really good to you bc he loves you sm and youre so hot and hes already semi just thinking abt you

Capable Leader™: I’m flattered

ANN~: he’s super overwhelmed cause its his first time and with a boy he loves so like admsadsa damn ryuji youre so cute

ANN~: almost makes my cold blooded bitch heart feel something

Capable Leader™: I’ll give him all the time he needs!

ANN~: you should really open the door for him and at least put him inside cause its cold and there was a robbery in your street earlier this week

ANN~: and you know ryuji hell stubbornly stand in front of that store until the sun comes up if hes wallowing in nerves

Capable Leader™: youre right…

Capable Leader™: im gonna go do that…

Capable Leader™: @[hacker voice] if you have any cameras in my room turn them off!

[hacker voice]: for how much?

Capable Leader™: FUTABA, PLEASE.

[hacker voice]: calm down theyre already off. Havent been on since we became friends.

[hacker voice]: just thought youd like to have your fond memories engraved on tape for your enjoyment…

Capable Leader™: …

Capable Leader™: that’s… tempting

Makoto: are you out of your mind??

ANN~: YOU’RE SUCH A SLUT, AKIRA

Makoto: God, you’re hopeless. At least talk it over with Ryuji first.

Capable Leader™: I just did. He’s cool with it.

Makoto: Somehow I feel like this is an oversimplification of the conversation.

Capable Leader™ changed his username to Tapable Leader <3

Tapable Leader <3 changed the group name to AKIRA & RYUJI’S SEX TAPE

Makoto: I’m leaving.

Makoto: Only talk to me when you want to group up from now on.

-` RYUJI ´-: I ONLY AGREED WITH IT IF ONLY ME AND AKIRA GET A COPY!!

-` RYUJI ´-: ITS ONLY FAIR CONSIDERING YOU’RE ALREADY SELLING AKIRA’S NUDES!!

[hacker voice]: I’ll make three copies of the sex tape

[hacker voice]: 600y each

[hacker voice]: first come first serve

[hacker voice]: no reservations

[hacker voice]: you show me the money the tape is yours

[hacker voice]: those are my terms

Tapable Leader <3: even if Ryuji and I get copies there’ll still be one in the wild for someone to buy?

ANN~: isn’t that thrilling tho

ANN~: one other stranger youll never know about can be watching you

ANN~: and if futaba agrees to take down any reuploads of the tape its like your very own secret but like… shared with a stranger… that’s a kink isn’t it??

[hacker voice]: yure right…

Tapable Leader <3: holy shit

Makoto: This is so irresponsible…

[hacker voice]: thought you wanted no part in this?

Makoto: I can’t simply not take part. You guys are worse unsupervised…

Tapable Leader <3: Futaba, it’s a deal if mine and Ryuji’s copies are free of charge

[hacker voice]: fair enough

Tapable Leader <3: nice. We’re going upstairs now.

[hacker voice]: camera’s ready!

ANN~: lmao I cant believe this is actually happening

Makoto: so much for reputable thieves…

Makoto: I swear if this sex tape leaks and we get found out because of it…

Makoto: What’s worse! Akira’s on probation! That will most definitely spell trouble for him depending on who gets their hands on this tape!

ANN~: Guess we have no choice but to buy it ourselves!

Makoto: Or don’t do the sex tape?! At all?!

ANN~: Nothing’s gonna happen, Makoto! Chillax!

ANN~: How can they possibly trace a video of Akira sucking Ryuji off back to the phantom thieves?

ANN~: What kind of evidence even is this?

[hacker voice]: Akira’s jacked??? I didn’t know he worked out that much??

ANN~: he looks really skinny right?

ANN~: did ryuji come with his stupid neon pink and green watermelon bullshit panties?

[hacker voice]: they stopped to talk rn

[hacker voice]: ryujis like flipping

[hacker voice]: asking if akira had done this before

[hacker voice]: apparently akira has sucked “some dicks”

[hacker voice]: AT LEAST TWO ARE FROM HIS CLASS

Makoto: Do you really need to keep us updated?

ANN~: yes

Makoto: sigh

[hacker voice]: @ANN~ ryuji’s wearing the pink underwear

ANN~: god I hate those

ANN~: @Tapable Leader <3 burn them when youre done

[hacker voice]: I hate doing this. This is just like when you’re watching a movie and there’s a unnecessary kissing scene and the entire scene is like 3 minutes of uncomfortable schlepping kissing noises.

ANN~: yeah that must be pretty awkward

[hacker voice]: it is super awkward. Akira owes me one

[hacker voice]: oh my god

[hacker voice]: ryuji scared the crap outta me he legit screamed right now

[hacker voice]: I don’t even need mics for this ryuji’s so loud

ANN~: whaaat? Ryuji? Loud?? Who would have thought…

-` RYUJI ´-: IM SORRY OK IM REALLY LIVID HERE

ANN~: WTF???? WHAT AR EYOU DOING TEXTING US???

-` RYUJI ´-: IDK WHAT TO DO WITH MY HANDS!!

ANN~: YOURE USELESS. I CANT BELIEVE YOU.

Tapable Leader <3: you can pull my hair, its fine

ANN~: HOW ARE YOU TEXTING EVEN??

Makoto: It’s been a while since we got an update.

[hacker voice]: do you want em?

Makoto: No, I simply worry how long this is lasting.

[hacker voice]: it’s gotten to a really graphic point. I’m not even watching anymore, its really really awkward… if you want the full juice you’ll have to buy the tape!

[hacker voice]: oh theyre done

[hacker voice]: they just threw the dirty clothes on the floor and went straight to sleep

[hacker voice]: orgasming must be really tiring…

ANN~: @Tapable Leader <3 @-` RYUJI ´- CONGRATS ON THE SECS!! We’re all really happy for you!! You guys deserve each other, really! If anyone says otherwise I’ll punch them!

Makoto: @Tapable Leader <3 @-` RYUJI ´- regardless of how reckless and utterly stupid this whole thing was, I’m genuinely glad you guys worked it out and are finally being honest with each other. It was awfully unhealthy for the team dynamic to watch you two dance around the issue of your attraction so, congratulations!

[hacker voice]: @Tapable Leader <3 @-` RYUJI ´- im not as good with expressing things as the other girls but im also happy I somehow brought you two together. Don’t worry I wont actually sell the sex tapes to anyone btw

[hacker voice]: (or will i)

ANN~: omfg

[hacker voice]: Yusuke’s typing a lot im concerned

Yusuke K.: I did not fully grasp the concept of what was truly going on in this chat tonight but after extensive research and questioning Ann on certain topics I now understand. Futaba’s attempts at prostituting Akira have somehow led into a nuptial encounter between Akira and Ryuji, the kind of which both parties have been secretly interested in for a long time. I also congratulate you both in your achievement for the act of intimacy born from fondness and admiration is one of the truest forms of adoration our kind have come across. I only wish for more of these enjoyable moments and if any of you would be so kind as to model for me the most beautiful sensation of your endless love I would be very thankful.

[hacker voice]: holy shit

[hacker voice]: just looking at this is making my eyes heavy

[hacker voice]: im going to sleep folks

ANN~: same

ANN~: we have to wake up before ryuji and akira to surprise them at leblanc

ANN~: we’ll bring a congrats on the sex cake

[hacker voice]: I’m in

Makoto: guess it won’t hurt to check on them

Yusuke K.: I would love to discuss this over some cake!

ANN~: deal, then! Good night, thieves <3

-` RYUJI ´-: you fuckers are gonna see some dicks

ANN~: that’s the plan dapper dan

ANN~: now go to bed!

thx for your time i hope you enjoyed it ideas that we did in the rp and i couldnt find a way to put here: > futaba leaks the nudes on the phan site > mishima warns akira of the thing and says he has a nice package > akira gets arrested for publicly posting pornography and akechi recognized him by the dick > "whats wrong with a little dick pic" "its not little" > makoto buys a copy of the akira/ryuji sex tape and resells it at school > mishima buys a copy

[bunnyandbirb]

Bunny & Birb’s Spiciness Ranking : League of Legends Men

We play a shameful amount of League of Legends, and after this you’ll get the idea that it’s for all the wrong reasons.

For this week’s collab post, we decided to make a combined ranking of League of Legends male champions based on their level of spiciness.

We each made an individual list with rationale, and then ranks were averaged out to generate the final list. We also tried to rationalized our picks somewhat, and choose the most attractive skin for each.

The scale ranges from 1 (the most attractive) to 26 (least attractive). Then the average is obviously the average rank based on our individual ranks.

1. Talon - Average rank: 2.5 bunny: 4

Maybe it’s cus we can’t see his whole face that I think he’s attractive? I also just love assassins. SSW is the most attractive. He looks the most normal. Gives off an Altair from Assassin’s Creed vibe.

birb: 1

So I thought this guy would have potential, but wasn’t totally sure. His SSW skin is what removes all doubt and carries this dude all the way to the top. Black-haired rogue dudes get a thumbs up from me. (I also ship him with ma girl Quinn, and she deserves only the best.)

2. Ezreal - Average rank: 3 bunny: 2

I mean, he’s the most pretty boy of any of them. Has those nice Aryan features. Ace of Spades Ezreal has the cockiness that makes him worth it.

birb: 4

A generic anime bishounen type. I don’t know, I guess he just looks a little young for me? I’m also not recruiting for Hitler Youth. He definitely is one of the more objectively cute ones, though, so I can’t deny him that. Best skin is Ace of Spades, bonus points because he’s not blonde in that one.

3. Kayne - Average rank: 4 bunny: 5

Gotta love this edgelord and all his emo hotness. It’s like my high school dream. He only has one skin but it’s damn attractive.

birb: 3

While he runs away with the title of Edgiest League character, it cannot be denied that he (particularly dat skin) is attractive. Probably because he looks less like Sasuke in the skin.

4. Three-way tie - Average rank: 5.5

Vladimir bunny: 1

Academy Vlad appeals to all my shitty anime fantasies and I love him. He’s got condescending down cold. I’d call him senpai.

birb: 10

The whole vampire image was never really my type, and Vlad’s not an exception. Count Vlad is probably the most attractive one to me (once again, the black hair bias)

Ekko  bunny: 6

Ekko has that devious type of appeal. Like the type that would totally get in trouble but you dig it. Sandstorm is probably the most attractive, mostly cus his others just look bad.

birb: 5

Ekko has a decent voice on him (even if he doesn’t stfu when you play him) and I’d say he’s pretty cute. He would have success at a co-ed mixer. His (Darude) Sandstorm skin is far, far superior to his regular one.

Zed bunny: 9

I mean we can’t see his face, so like he could be really hot. It’s a 50/50 chance. Shockblade is the most attractive since it proves he has real skin.

birb: 2

This pick is based entirely on faith that someone this edgy must appear equally edgy (and attractive). Also his movements have POWER and GRACE thus he must have a nice FACE. Championship Zed is shiny as fuck so it’s obviously most attractive skin.

5. Twisted Fate - Average rank: 7 bunny: 3

I think I find him attractive mostly because of his voice, though he’s pretty cool too. I wanna say Pax is my favorite just cus it’s rare af.

birb: 11

I like his drawl, the facial hair knocks off some points. Most attractive skin is Cutpurse, since it gets rid of his beard.

6. Two-way tie:  Average rank: 9

Jhin bunny: 12

I’m using his obsession with roses as the reason that he’s a little more attractive than some of the other guys. Also…. ITS HIIIIIIIIGHHHH NOOOOOOONNNNN

birb: 6

Despite the obvious V for Vendetta vibes, I do weirdly like Jhin’s voice. And his /joke is kinda cute so I’m taking that into account. He also has Very Good posture! He only has one skin aside from his normal one, but I do like that better.

Varus bunny: 10

I guess purple eyes are pretty cool and he does have an 8-pack going on, though I’m not sure what the front of his hair is doing. Heartseeker Varus got me falling in love.

birb: 8

His eyes are a little creepy but if you look past that he’s probably a nice guy. Gimme some of that Varus Swiftbolt action, though. I would probably romance him in a Dragon Age game.

7. Lucian - Average rank: 9.5 bunny: 7

His eyebrows are very nicely groomed and he has no weird facial hair. Striker Lucian is the most attractive just because I love soccer players.

birb: 12

I feel a little weird trying to figure out how spicy a guy raging around about his dead wife is, but whatever. He has some nice cheekbones. Hired Gun is probably my favorite skin, because I like his hair in that one.

8. Two-way tie - Average rank: 11.5

Yasuo bunny: 16

Uh, Yasuo really knows how to use a sword *wink wink*. Plus he has some very nice, flowy hair. I would like to date him to steal his shampoo. Project Yasuo looks pretty cool and you can’t see his face so it’s better.

birb: 7

Separating him from the people that play him, appearance-wise he’s alright. As long as he doesn’t windwall, I could stand to look at him for extended periods of time. I might be projecting my Rurouni Kenshin feels onto him, though. I’d maybe pick Blood Moon, for no real reason.

Jayce bunny: 14

If you’re really into dads, then I guess Jayce would be for you. But like, that’s not my thing and I will kink shame you for it. Debonair his the skin where he looks the most suave (but still very dad)

birb: 9

He really does just look like my friend’s dad or something. He’s just an average looking dude, which is somehow better than the majority of the people on this list. Debonair skins will always be attractive skins.

9. Darius - Average rank: 12.5 bunny: 8

I’m only putting Darius 8th for Academy Darius. He might look like the school bully, but he still looks pretty attractive in that skin. Normal Darius, not so much.

birb: 17

The only viable Darius skin is Academy, and he still just looks like that guy who beats people up just for an ego trip.

10. Garen - Average rank: 13.5 bunny: 13

His head is weird shape so he’s not higher but Garen does have a nice face. Rugged Garen is the most attractive because his head isn’t so tiny in that one (unlike Dreadknight)

birb: 14 

So Garen might be a bit of a pimplehead, but I look at something like Rugged Garen and say okay, I can fux with this.

11. Pantheon - Average rank: 15.5 bunny: 18

He’s less hairy than everyone below this. We also can’t see his face so no negative points there. Mediocre at best. Baker Pantheon is the most attractive cus there’s food involved.

birb: 13

I’m basing this purely off the fact that he wants to be a baker, and that’s kind of adorable. Favorite skin is obvious.

12. Two-way tie - Average rank: 16.5

Draven bunny: 11

His confidence is attractive I guess? Gotta love a guy who knows he’s great? Also have you seen those legs in Pool Party????

birb: 22

He has the crazy eyes, which are very deterring. Favorite skin is Soul Reaver, because his face is less of a face.

Graves bunny: 15

Graves looks more normal than some of the other dudes but he has so much chest hair. Ew chest hair. Also I don’t like smokers. I guess he looks the best in Mafia Graves, the red really brings out the flames.

birb: 18

A regular lookin’ shmuck. I guess he’s manry and all that, but why that facial hair. Mafia Graves is best, because it’s hard not to look good in an outfit like that.

13. Two-way tie - Average rank: 17.5

Xin Zhao bunny: 20

I have less of an opinion about him than I do Jarvan, which is really saying something, so he gets stuck here at the bottom. His face is boring and he’s boring. In Warring Kingdoms he has a slightly edgy thing going so he’s not all bad

birb: 15

Forgettable as hell, but not exactly ugly. I hate his ponytail, though. Most attractive skin is either Dragonslayer or Winged Hussar, more for the armor than because he looks good.

Jarvan IV bunny: 19

Uh he has a face. So I guess that’s nice. I literally have like no opinion on him. I guess Warring Kingdoms is the most attractive cus it has a nice stoic vibe.

birb: 16

I feel like without his ridiculous armor he would look okay. Sort of like the all-American soldier type vibe? Darkforge is his best skin because his armor actually looks pretty cool.

14. Lee Sin - Average rank: 18 bunny: 17

Lee Sin can’t see so his other sense are probably heightened. Every girl wants a guy that’ll listen to her for once. Traditional Lee Sin is the most attractive because he actually has hair.

birb: 19

Does the blindfold add appeal? Maybe. Traditional Lee Sin is his best look because he has hair.

15. Two-way tie - Average rank: 21

Taric bunny: 22

It’s hard to be attracted to someone else’s man. I also don’t think I could make him swing my way. Armor of the Fifth Age has the best smirk going on, so it’s definitely my favorite.

birb: 20

Off limits, can’t compete with Ezreal. He definitely looks like Fabio, though, and he’s popular on romance novels. My pick is Pool Party Taric, because it looks like he’s starring in Baywatch.

Gangplank bunny: 21

He’s a pirate so maybe he would get some booty, but not this booty. Too much beard and too rugged. Probably has scurvy. At least in Special Forces he looks a little bit younger and more tame.

birb: 21

The edgy makeover definitely gave him some positive points as compared to his old goofy pirate character. Still, he looks kinda old. Captain Gangplank is my fave because it looks like he’ll kill me if I say otherwise.

16. Two-way tie - Average rank: 23.5

Tryndamere bunny: 24

He’s a little up from the very bottom because at least his hair is on his head and not his face. But his muscles are also scary. I like Viking Trynd just because he’s surrounded by money and I’m attracted to money.

birb: 23

A straight-up ragemonster. I’d classify this guy as more of a beast than a man. He’s most attractive as King Tryndamere, because I can actually look at him like a human bean.

Udyr bunny: 23

I’m not really that into hobos. Udyr is like that guy who spent too much time in the forest and now thinks he’s magic. Definitely Not Udyr is the most attractive cus it’s the closest to not Udyr.

birb: 24

I feel like I wouldn’t be surprised seeing Udyr walking out of a dumpster. Best skin is Spirit Guard because he actually looks respectable (and because that skin costs a lot of money.)

17. Olaf - Average rank: 25 bunny: 25

There’s just so much hair!!!! And his muscles are bulging in a weird way. Brolaf maybe is the most attractive? It has the least amount of hair and alcohol.

birb: 25

Olaf is like a hairier version of Tryndamere, except he doesn’t even have a single respectable skin. His one arm muscle is like bigger than my whole body. Butcher Olaf is the most attractive, because I like meat. 

18. Gragas - Average rank: 26 bunny: 26

Uh yeah. He’s just not good looking. He has so much hair and his nose is so red. God I don’t know. Oktoberfest is the most attractive, if I have to pick?

birb: 26

Alcoholic and literally a circle with limbs. Judging by his VO, he wouldn’t even pay for drinks if you went out with him. Best skin is Scuba, because it’s the one where his face is the most covered and also there’s a possibility that he will drown.

And that’s the end of our petty list! We’ll probably rank the League girls sometime in the future, but that’s for another day.

~Stay tuned for nonsense~

- bunny & birb

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic

I was talking to an online friend on Twitter not too long ago, and the subject of bad fanfiction came up. My friend had been reading “My Immortal” and losing his shit over it. I asked if he’d read “Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen” and it turned out he had not. He’d never even heard of it.

Indeed, while this story is one of the best-known badfics out there, it’s still considerably less popular than “My Immortal” is, and I think that’s a damn shame. This may be my personal favorite work of bad fanfiction; it’s a fantastic example of the “so bad it’s good” genre. Author BeckyMac666 writes like no other English-language writer has ever written, and this is both a good and a bad thing. She’s almost certainly a troll, given the blatant use of established badfic tropes and several parallels with “My Immortal,” but when you’re this good at being terrible it really doesn’t matter how serious you are about it.

For the record, there are folks who believe that this fic and “My Immortal” share an author, due to the aforementioned parallels. I personally don’t think that’s true, since the prose is very different, but if it amuses you to imagine that they’re written by the same person, be my guest.

Like virtually all Twilight badfic, this story is about a mysterious new girl arriving in Forks and shaking up Bella and Edward’s relationship by creating a love triangle. As usual, Bella is made out to be completely awful in the process, Jacob is largely forgotten about, and the protagonist may not be entirely human herself. This is far weirder, and more entertaining, than your average shitty Twilight fanfiction, though. Mark my words.

I first MSTed this fanfiction back on the old WordPress version of this blog, but, as that was a long time ago and I like to think I’m funnier nowadays, I rewrote most of my comments. It’s not wildly different, but hopefully it is an improvement over the old version.

AN hey guys this is the new improved verson of my story, hope its better this time!

I have no idea what the unedited version of this thing looked like, but I honestly can’t imagine it being any more ridiculous than the final story.

btw i am young and have dyslexia i find spellin hard but its meant2 be unformal ok !

Use spellcheck, you fool! Or get a proofreader!

no critisism pls!

Oops.

tis story goes out 2 my bf zac(kisses!) amd my besfreind Tiffi LOVE YA GRRRL!

The Tara parallel here is probably intentional. Zac never gets mentioned again, much like Tara’s boyfriend, but Tiffi isn’t Becky’s beta reader and they don’t have a spat partway through or anything of that sort.

EDWARD IS OUR GODD!(we wanna SEX him gud!)

Honestly, I think this is how all fanfiction should open. Just tell me straight-up what character you wanna bang before the story’s even started. Save us all some time.

love &blood becky mac! xxx x x xx

Aww. That’s kinda cute.

UPDATE: I have a proofreader and I have cleaned up the spelling and grammer on this chaptor a hell of a lot as you will see (thank u vickie!)

Yeah, Vickie, thank you. Looks like you’re doing a great job and you’ve got everything under control here.

i will be imrpoving the next chaptors soon.

Since this fic got “abandoned,” subsequent chapters have not actually been improved. Not that one can tell, anyway.

Altantiana

Yes, that is a typo of her OC’s name. Off to a great start.

Hey, my names Atlantiana Rebekah Loren (but everyone calls me Tiana or just plain Tiaa).

Virtually no one calls her Tiana during the course of the story. Just so you know. “Tiaa” isn’t a typo, either, though I have no idea why the author felt the need to add an extra A.

Notice the middle name? Subtle.

I am a 16 year old girl and I live in Forks, Washington!

This actually makes her a year younger than Bella, for the record.

My hair is long and pale like spun gold and skims to my waist like a pale shimmering amber mist.

It’s pale and it’s pale? Also, gold and amber are not the same color.

My eyes are deep forgetminot blue and my delicate fentures are lilly white and pure as the winter snow in moonlight.

I’ve been complimented on my fentures before too, but it’s nothing worth bragging about.

I've been told by loads of sleazy, ugly, HORNY guys that I'm real pretty and look like a model or a bunny girl (some of the guys who like me are really old and try to make opt with me its disgusting and weird!) but basically a lot of the girls I meet tell a different story.

Well, gee, after that modest description of yourself I’m shocked that boys think you’re attractive, Tiaa. You sounded so plain and ordinary.

Am guessing that the girls who don’t tell a different story are gay.

They say I'm too ivory white and ethereal and too skinny and that I look anorexic which i don't care about, but I think its seriously disrespectful to people with REAL eating disorders (btw i'm so totally not anorexic! I eat loads I just never gain weight and I'm not thin enough to be anorexic anyways, I think they were just being BIATCHES especially this one ratty brain called Ellie Mayfair who I hope freaking DIES in PAIN with SHIT ON HER FACE! Sorry, I'm not really such a batch but she is SO horrible if you met her you'd think the same!)

I hate when girls pick on me for being too ethereal.

Even though we’re using the “attractive character looks anorexic but isn’t” trope, and that’s obviously not so great, I guess it’s nice that Tiaa/Becky took the time to point out that the comparison is disrespectful to people who actually have anorexia or another eating disorder.

The bit about Ellie Mayfair is one of the best things I’ve ever read. I hope you guys all understand why I had to run this fic now.

Anyways I am quite tall and slim and but with really big boobs that I used to HATE because they look noticeable on my slender body and draw to much attention but now i like them and don't care who stares at me!

Ah, the “skinny yet improbably busty” body type. Strangely more common in fiction than in real life.

Tiaa totally does care who stares at her, by the way. As we’ll see shortly.

I have a lip ring and recently put black and indigo and magenta streaks in my long pale blond hair. I smell like mint and cinnamon.

I have no idea why we’re supposed to care about any of this, but I’m particularly unclear about why we should care what she smells like.

I wear mostly black and hot pink, deep purple and neon blue and listen to COOL music!

Tiaa’s specific music taste never comes up, to my recollection, but I’m betting My Chemical Romance is involved.

It is my first day at school in forks as I just moved here to live with new foster parents Dave and Marie. They are nice and all very hole some sweet people but it is not like having a real family.

Yeah, Tiaa is adopted. This is sort of plot-important later on, but we never get to learn much about her life prior to Dave and Marie.

I've been hurt to many times to let people close to me and I don't talk to them very much.

I mean… you just moved in with them.

My real mom died when I was born and I never knew my real dad. I sometimes wonder what he is like and if I will ever get to met him.

Foreshadowing!

Dave gave me a ride to school and I smiled faintly as he wished me good luck and I got out of the car and went into the school. Loads of people freaking stared at me as I walked down the hall.

Presumably because she’s too ethereal.

I was wearing tight black leather pants with silver chains at the waste and a red fishnet-like top and you could see my black lacy bra through it.

That could have something to do with why they’re staring.

I ignored whispers and the big pink cheerleader imbosils pointing at me. I was used to it and I paid no at-tension to the guys asking desperately for my number(like hell I'd even LOOK at the horny little donkeys!) and told a ditsy blond cheerleader called Jessica to STFU(!) when she called me a freak!

God I love this author’s writing style. Truly, no one has ever written like this, before or since. BeckyMac666 is one of the unsung geniuses of our time.

Next time she tries anything I'll hit her in the eye cause NO ONE messes with me nemore!

Most of the rest of the story is about various people messing with Tiaa. For the record.

My first day I was relay board, I sat gazing out of the window into the gray cloud-embittered sky for most of the morning, My teachers all looked at me disprovable but said nothing cause they probably new I was a foster kid and a Gothic and didn't want to upset me in case I cut them up as they slept,.

I’m a pretty big fan of the phrase “cloud-embittered,” although it is of course completely meaningless.

Hey, uh… why the hell hasn’t she gotten dress coded? I went to a private school and I guess our dress code was a bit stricter than most, but most high schools will get upset at teenage girls for not covering their knees and shoulders, let alone having any undergarments visible. Tiaa’s entire bra is showing through her fishnet top. This is a situation in which I think it’d be reasonable to ask her to change.

My ears are pierced four times, I have a tattoo of a scorpion(like S my birth-sign!) on my ankle and a Gothic cross on my shoulder, and on my hand i have a weird birthmark in the shape of a seven-pointed star that I've had all my life.

I don’t know why we’ve gone right back to (over)describing Tiaa, but I do think I should delete my entire OkCupid bio and replace it with this opening chapter.

Your probably wandering why I'm bothering to tell you this, well I tell you now I am no ordinary sixteen year old girl.

Could’ve fooled me!

I have a secret, a dark and forbidden secret witch I am only just beginning to understand. When I sleep I hear whispers in another language and even though I understand them at the time, when I wake up i can't remember it!

That’s nothing. I had a dream once where I explained the meaning of Nirvana lyrics to somebody (obviously not possible in real life), and I couldn’t remember my explanation when I woke up either.

I also see weird faces in my dreams that fade to nothingness when I open my eyes and I swear out the corner of my eye my birthmark glows shocking bright gold and gets relay hot sometimes but when I look properly it is back to normal boarding scar-color!

I’d like to remind you that this is set in the Twilight universe. It’s already got magical creatures, and there are rules established about their abilities, appearances, and behavior. Tiaa is clearly not quite human, but she doesn’t seem to be a vampire, a half-vampire, or a werewolf. She’s completely unique within her universe, for no defined reason, and the rules governing other nonhumans don’t apply to her.

Like, the physical description and the obvious homage to “My Immortal” already made it clear that this girl is a Mary Sue, but this author clearly gets that Sue status isn’t just about looking unreasonably pretty. It’s about defying the rules of canon. Tiaa’s outstanding at that, as you’ll see later on.

I am really gracefull like the running anti-lopes when I run very fast and am stronger and faster than most people.

God, what a sentence.

I used to just think i was relay athletic but now I'm not so sure, I think there might be something else at work, something so much more mysterious and eeire.

Something like… bad writing?

The truth hovers so softly on the brink of my memory sometimes but if only i could remember the weird things that clung to the edge of my mind as I slept!

There are so many bad fanfics where the prose is bare-bones, with few or no adjectives/adverbs and simple sentence structure. BeckyMac666 tends in the opposite direction, and it’s awesome. Everything is phrased as though it’s super dramatic, nonsense metaphors abound, and our author has clearly never met an adjective she didn’t like. Hey @ aspiring trollfic authors: take note. This is how you write an entertaining badfic.

At lunch I sat alone in the corner and scanned the cafeteria quietly with my eyes smoldering dark blue beheath my long black lashes and my slim thighs curled under me.

Also a big fan of how Tiaa always talks about herself as though she’s checking herself out.

It was the n I noticed an unbelievably jaw-droopingly hawt HAWT HAAAAAAAAWT dude with tusseted blondey-brown hair, golden yellow eyes like wells of hot caramel and pale sexy features. He was tall and mussel and looked like he was wearing eyeliner and my body got hot and cold all at once as I looked at him.

Kind of like an erection only she’s a girl so she didn’t get one you sicko.

I'd never felt this way about anyone before and I'd totally never felt this weird feeling that I'd met someone before but I had no idea where and i knew it was impassible because I'd freaking remember someone THAT hawt!

Foreshadowing! Again!

A girl sat next to him with long brown hair with her arms dripped over him like a freaking flesh-eating plant so i thought well whatevah, hes taken.

Straight-up one of the greatest similes I’ve ever seen. Like, I study English literature and I don’t think I’ve ever read a metaphor better than that one. I’m not joking, it’s brilliant.

She wasn't nearly as hawt as he was, she wasn't ugly though. I figured I was maybe prettier then her. I never really saw myself as beautiful but i'd guessed from thinks others had said, plus this girl wasn't great looking but anyways I'd never try to pilch with another girls' BF cause thats just low.

The modesty act might be a little more convincing if we hadn’t just read several paragraphs of Tiaa talking about how hot she is.

So I got up to leave the hall thinking I'd go and smoke some bald drugs in the locker room while no one was there.

Hey, what’s a “bald drug”? I go to a liberal arts college and I’ve watched the entirety of Breaking Bad multiple times, so you think I’d have heard of it.

As I waked over to he exit I couldn't help but notice the hawt pale guys musky eyes as they met mine.

Musk is a substance some male animals secrete for scent-marking purposes. The word comes from the Sanskrit for “scrotum.” Thought you all should know.

I locked away hurriedly. I smocked dope in the locker room for a bit then I wondered to my next class.

This bitch just hotboxed a locker room on her first day of school. 

I bumped into someone in the corridor and my bocks fell everywhere! FRICK! FRICK! FRIIIICKK!

Remember that this is the beta-read version of the chapter.

"WTF!" I screamed loudly, "watch where your FREAKING going you asshole!" (i have anger problems)

So you know how self-insert characters, particularly Sues, often have self-proclaimed “anger issues”? I wanna talk about that, actually, because it’s a trope I see not only in fanfiction but in published fiction, and it honestly bugs me.

In real life, anger issues are a totally legitimate character flaw, and one that can have serious negative consequences in-universe. A character with a bad temper may make rash decisions, screw up their relationships with others, have trouble holding down a job, get in trouble with the law, and so on; people who have anger problems are often mentally ill and/or traumatized, too, and the anger may be just the tip of the iceberg. Many morally ambiguous characters, well-written ones, have trouble with anger. There’s nothing wrong with this trope when it’s executed correctly.

In the hands of a less-than-competent writer, however, anger issues are the opposite of a problem, because the character’s show of anger will invariably cause others to back down or apologize and there will be no negative consequences. Writing a character who’s so sweet and charming that they always get their way has exactly the same effect, but as that trope falls out of style “anger issues” has taken its place and the authors who write these characters have no idea that they’re doing the same thing as the trope they thought they were avoiding.

Of course, this is the work of a troll, and the use of this trope is almost certainly intentional, but there are way too many authors who employ it unironically as a way to give a “flaw” to a character that even they realize is bordering on unrealistic.

"I'm so so sorry" he said in a voice like wet heaven "please forgive me my lady”

Author’s so fond of weird phrases that I have no idea whether or not “wet heaven” is intended as innuendo.

It was the hawt pale guy!

Dun dun dunnnn!

Next chapter

[runawayforthesummer]

Chapter 6: Lovers’ Reel

Ok, I’m not going to go more into how they’ve fucked up the layout of the Schuyler Mansion. But they did and it’s all in this opening paragraph.

The eating and mingling part of the ball has ended, though, and it’s time to dance!

Eliza retrieves her dance card, which her mother had made her place on a table, claiming it was reviving an old tradition.

Eliza knew Mrs. Schuyler did this less out of a love of tradition but rather to make it impossible for her three headstrong daughters to turn down someone their mother thought would make a fine match.

THESE GIRLS ARE SO FUCKING RUDE.

Ok, maybe you don’t want to marry a guy, but they are AT YOUR HOUSE.  They have been INVITED.  You need to have good manners and dance with them like a good fucking hostess. 

I refuse to believe the Schuyler girls would ever act like this. 

Like, this doesn’t make them look cool or good or smart or like heroines.  It makes them look like assholes.

There are other ways to show their independence rather than acting in ways they wouldn’t in their own home, in front of guests, at a fancy ball.

Replace Tench with Ham and show the picnic!  Like, the author literally doesn’t give a shit about being accurate.  So take that story and have it be Ham on the picnic.  Then you can have Eliza climbing rocks and doing it better than the other girls and making fun without it being at a formal event at her home.  Ham could see her spirit there.  And, if you still have the ball, h could see that she actually has manners and would make a good wife.  Like, there is a time and a place!  And it would be good for him to know that she was great in social settings, which was really, really important (which is why these girls would never act like that!) but also could have fun and they could be, to quote HIM, “saucy” together.

Or even have her sort of quietly making fun of people at a ball.

Anything but the girls being so openly rude.  They’d all have terrible reputations if this is how they acted.

A N Y W A Y

Catharine gives a toast and then invites all three of her daughters to the center of the ballroom.

(But I thought Catharine was pretending eliza didn’t exist? Hm)

As she took her place between Angelica, resplendent in her amber gown, and Peggy, dazzling in sea-foam green, she felt a small pang of regret for not deigning to wear the burgundy gown.  Between two such fierce beauties, she felt a little like a servant girl

OH WELL. I don’t feel bad for her. This was her choice.

Since it’s Peggy’s first ball, she gets to dance first and the first on her card is this fandom’s underrated boyfriend:

Stephen Van Rensselaer.

Even though he’s like………….14.  Ok.

Stephen’s face was fine enough and might one day be handsome, but at the moment he looked like a stick doll in a suit.

Aw. 

But also, ok, Angelica and Eliza whisper they think this was their mother’s doing.  Given real life, that makes no sense. 

“Oh dear,” [Angelica] gasped, as Peggy and Stephen danced past them down the line, a strained grace on her sister’s face, a look of dogged terror on Stephen’s.  “She is leading him.  She. Is. Leading. Him,” she hissed.

Ok, that’s cute.

OH NOW HOLD UP THIS BOOK JUST TOOK A TURN TOWARDS GOOD.

Because first up on Eliza’s card?

“Major André !”

YESSSSSSSSS

Although they make it seem that Papa Schuyler and Andre were friends, which, nope!

“When Papa found out he was in Albany, he invited him to dine.”

“I declare, Papa’s chivalry will be the death of us all.”

Ah, yes, your father, so chivalrous that he’s making the aide-de-camp of General Washington sleep in a barn.

“How did you fare?” she asked Angelica.

Her sister held out her card with a smile.  Only one name was written on it, albeit eight times, for every single dance of the evening: Mr. John Barker Church.

I’M CRYING. 

Madeline’s ( @derevko) husband is the only man worth anything in this book.

Although, AGAIN HOLD UP.  Angelica claims she pulled this off by not letting her mother see her card, so she’d only get to dance with John.  But she claimed earlier!!! That she hadn’t let John propose yet b/c she still wants to flirt around with other guys!

Oh, but apparently the Schuyler’s approve of him?  Or at least, they don’t disapprove.

Mrs. Schuyler, knowing her daughters’ fondness for Church, as well as hearing stories about Church’s growing fortune, had insisted he be allowed to attend the ball.  “Until we have proof against him, civility directs us to be for him,” she said diplomatically, and as General Schuyler valued decorum above all things in human society, he had reluctantly assented.

Bro, you’re making Hamilton sleep in a barn.  STFU.

Oh, and Eliza describes JBC as ugly and I REFUSE to copy that blasphemy.

Angelica goes off to dance and then here comes everyone’s boyfriend!

“Miss Schuyler,” a suave British voice announced.  “I believe I have the honor of this dance.”

Eliza’s heart turned a little somersault. 

Hamilton is probably like stomping in a corner right now lmao.

André tells her how beautiful she is (sigh) and Eliza is like “don’t flatter me my dress is hideous.”

The major turned to look at her directly.  “Your dress?” he said smoothly.  “I hadn’t noticed it.”  His eyes never left hers.  “I’m sure it’s the loveliest in the room.”

Hamilwho?

They dance.

If, at the end of the dance, he had asked her to run away with him, she might have exclaimed, “Long live the King!” and run all the way to the docks by his side.

Remember when Eliza said she wasn’t that into boys? 

REMEMBER WHEN SHE CLAIMED TO BE SUCH A PATRIOT? 

God.

Anyway, André runs off and there’s Hamilton, next on the list.

Eliza refused to acknowledge him just long enough to make him squirm, then finally took his hand and allowed herself to be led back to the head of the room.

Rude.

Suddenly she hates him?  And like I get that he told her dad shitty news, but then she was tucking his handkerchief into her boobs.  So what gives, Eliza?

Almost reluctantly, he offered her his hand, and Eliza put her gloved fingers into it as though reaching into a pail of sour milk for a ring that had fallen.  Yet she couldn’t help but note that his hand had a sure and confident touch: light and attentive, and if she was being honest, not completely repulsive.

Bish, I thought you were running off with a Brit anyway.

“Colonel Hamilton, if you please,” she said, adjusting herself beneath his grip.  “I am not an apple on the tree to be tested for ripeness.  If you could perhaps squeeze a little less tightly.  I have worn corsets that took less liberty.”

W o w.

Alex’s step was as assured as Major André’s had been, but Eliza deliberately dragged her feet a little, so that he was forced to hurry her along to keep them from bumping into other couples on the dance floor.

WHY IS SHE SO RUDE

She’s even trying to catch Andre’s eye the whole time.

You know.

Maybe this book would be better if she’d been hearing about Andre and was all set up to meet him and excited, etc., and that turns out to be a let down or whatever.  Like, that’s a well-worn plot device.  But it would work so much better than: she’s excited to meet Hamilton; she meets him!; she dances with some guy absent from the narrative for 50 pages; hates Hamilton.

And given that we KNOW where this story is going, this random introduction to Andre, I am pained to say, feels so stupid and unnecessary.  There were better ways to do this, is what I’m saying.

Finally, Hamilton is like what fucking gives?

“If so, I do apologize.  I can assure you that my errand today is as odious to me as it is to General Schuyler, for whom I have only the utmost respect.”

“You have a strange way of showing it, then.”

She decides he needs to do much more than just apologize to get back in her good graces but their dance gets complicated and she steps on his foot.

“Normally when a gentleman’s foot interposes itself between his partner’s and the floor, he apologizes for being so clumsy,” she said in the kind of imperious voice that would have made Angelica proud.

Wow.

Remember how the Hamiltons actually met?  I’m going to think about that for a minute.

Ham isn’t taking her shit though.

“Did you drive the sharp wooden heel of your shoe into the top of my foot, threatening to break my arch?” he asked in the lightest possible tone.  “I didn’t notice.”

Eliza couldn’t help it.  She smiled.

NOW APOLOGIZE.

She doesn’t.