#MINE ARE DISEASED U DONT WANT THEM

[iloveslllycatss]

yk something that drops my jaw to the floor every time?

(I might lose followers for this LMFOSOASODO)

bro idk why but when I first saw/read omegaverse and like animal hybrid! reader stuff I thought it was a big joke and never paid attention to it

I only figured out recently that YALL MFS ARE SERIOUS….

like is this who we are now? is this what the world has come to? what happened to us??? LIKE ISTG THE REQUEST B SOMETHING LIKE

“hey 🥺, can I request alpha!_____ x omega!reader when y/n gets her tail and ears touched and becomes in heat 🥺🥺”

there is so much wrong in that. it PAINED me to type it out. 

first off, whats with the 🥺……….

second, TF U MEAN ALPHA AND OMEGA… U ARE NOT A ANIMAL HYBRID PRINCESS SPECIES.. WHAT IN THE GACHA LIFE…

third, the tail and ear thing is actually crazy like im not even joking.

AND ISTG IF I SEE ANYONE COMMENT SOME SHIT LIKE

“why do u care so much omg its not even that big if a deal if ppl like that then let them be!!”

why do I care so much? WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH..?

WHY DONT U CARE ENOUGH? THESE PEOPLE AT THEIR BIG GROWN AGE ARE ASKING TO BE GACHA PEOPLE. 

and if I see anyone in the comments that says 

“its very normal im into that too!!”

then ur weird as hell and idgaf if i sound mean bc ARE U OKAY? WHAT HAVE U GONE THROUGH IN YOUR LIFE TO BE INTO THIS? 

WHAT HAPPENED? IS EVERYTHUNG OKAY AT HOME? 

AND ISTG THE FIC BE SOMETHING LIKE

“he GROWLED at the man who was eyeing your ears, “theyre. mine.” he BARKED as he walked away, a hand on your waist”

TF U MEAN GROWLED? BARKED? UM IS THIS MAN A DOG? RUFF RUFF I GUESS

this is actually scary and if this is a furry thing lmk bc what mental illness to u have to make u like this?

which leads me to another topic ; furries

if ur a furry I have one question: r u okay?

BECAUSE how are u at ur BIG GROWN AGE wearing a heavy hot costume as an animal, jumping over things on all 4 of ur legs/hands whatever and claiming that there’s nothing wrong with u

furries actually belong in a psychiatric hospital

and for anyone who brings up the “if they want to identify as an animal they can!”

STHU no they can’t theyre human not a damn cat fox bird hybrid

anyways if ur a furry and need to talk to someone about your problems I recommend getting a therapist or a psychiatrist or like a doctor bc u prolly got some unknown disease or something

in conclusion someone please explain this to me because until I hear a valid reason on why someone wants to be a human hybrid with cat ears and fox tail with butterfly wings im standing w what I said.

runa out fr.

(edit: I opened the tag #omegaverse and why is there nsfw.)

[valkavavaart]

VIVI I LOVE CHICKEN SO MUCH. I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THEIR CULTIST UPBRINGING AND I'M CURIOUS HOW OTHER KNIGHTS TREAT THEM WITH THEIR WEIRD ASS WAY OF SPEAKING. God I love their way of speaking they're so SILLY

THAN K YOU FOR APPRECIATING CHICKEN heres my other old doodles i did of them when i designed him (and more rambling)

SO LIKE in the campaign they were for, theres this whole thing about the sun being a Deadly Laser that is destroying the world / causing natural disaster, disease, etc, and the church chicken's village was built around were ye olde believers of the sun god who see the world ending as like. righteous retribution from the god or something. like haha you all deserve the world exploding lol. but also *we* can fix this so we're sending our best knight to go solve this shit because god loves us.

IM THINKING im keeping the "theres a catastrophe and theyre sending away chicken to go deal with it" but i havent decided too much just yet.. we will see...

nyway im rlly bad at explaining things but in the village its very much like "daughters are raised to be clerics or mages and sons are warriors". chicken didnt have any magic power at all in the slightest so they were considered a failure and then they hit their parents with the "im boy???" and their parents said Put This Kid In The Ring

chicken is like. the top student in their village, they are really good at fighting (and very little else) so theyre kind of like. cocky about it. they have the mindset like "i'll protect everyone get behind me okay ^^" but it comes across as like. condescending. so most the other knights dont like them. chicken doesnt get when they themself are insulting ppl so theyll be like "oh! u need me to protect u bc ur weak and useless! :D" and everyone gets pissy bc why is this little freak calling them WEAK !!!!!!

in general like a lot of the ppl in the village are raised to be "well spoken" but the books n such they follow are very dated so everyone does kind of talk in ye olde way or whatever. chicken is just the most intense with it because they um miss a lot of cues and dont realise when theyre being intense/weird. for the most part, other knights & villagers just grin and bear it when they talk to chicken, because since he became like The Top ranked knight in their town it's kind of like. You're Gonna Get In Trouble If You Upset Him (chicken does not realise he has this influence)

ANYWAY THEY were sent away on a(n undecided) quest, and theyre always like "oh, i miss my family so much! i cannot wait to return home after i have completed mine mission!" and everyone back home is like "thank god hes gone i hope he never fucking comes back". chicken is Not well liked in their community

sorry this is incoherent. they are a little bastard to me. a fiend.

[normiematsu]

some authors notes and recommended tracks... ☝️🤓 to understand their dynamic

calling the english half of this playlist part 1 i guess lol. aka everything before intermission by strawberry guy

lovers rock - THIS MAKES ME SICK AND ILL ITS SO THEM HEAD IN HANDS. if i had to pick one song from this half it would be lovers rock. im passing away

together (bathtub ver) - it's choro pining. it also makes me sick and ill

supermassive black hole - ☝️🤓 uhhhh just read the lyrics your honor. this is the ultimate coke and mentos dynamic for them i have discussed previously. purple haze and shes my collar also go into this category

part 2 is all japanese music 🫡 sometimes spotify translates things to romaji sometimes not so u get both titles where applicable. ctrl+f to your hearts content

groovin magic - this is the op to diebuster. they're both otaku. could i make it any more obvious. anyway the lyrics to this are very yuucore and it's a good song pls listen ^_^)b

トルコ行進曲 - オワタ＼(^o^)／ / turkish march - it's over ＼(^o^)／ - this was a big fav of mine in the early vocaloid years the pv is so fucking funny. its about trying to meet your friend and everything that could go wrong does..... which is very yuucho to me. they are two sides of the same fail bad luck coin.

リモコン / remote control - ANOTHER EARLY VOCALOID ESSENTIAL.... they are both very competitive this is like the coke and mentos dynamic but sfw LOL

アイドル親衛隊 / newly edgy idols - i dont need to elaborate on this one i think. u know these guys have vip tickets to magical mirai every year and religiously play gacha games together

カトラリー / cutlery - OBLIGATORY ANGSTMATSU..... i think there is potential they would have some nasty rough periods around the events of S1/S2 EP24. choro who isnt that great at communication and is prone to outbursts vs yuuchan who has I Could Fix Him disease. lyrics to this one wound me xoxoxo "i'd want you to end it in the worst case scenario" IT IN THE LYRICS IMPLYING A RELATIONSHIP LIKE UGH ENOUGHHHHH

fuyu no hi - i couldn't end that playlist on an emo note so it goes back into cute world. this one of my fav songs from k-on ;_; its a cutesy love song abt taking a walk together in wintertime its fluffy and fun idk! the lyrics are also very choro pov imo. this one is REQUIRED READING!!!

ok guys the yuucho playlist is done its (checks notes) 3 HOURS AND 45 MINUTES LONG help

go nuts ive organized this labor of love into 2 sections with an intermission in the middle, everything should transition into each other so you can kinda just pick and choose where to start 🤓

[cheekbites-moved]

being a pandora hearts fan is like. you are not immune to the desire for an incuse tattoo 

[ilovethecolorpink]

i can’t we have to wait over 2 more months and let hundreds of thousands of people die preventable deaths before joe biden maybe shuts down the country. it makes me sick

[lesbobiwan]

Congrats on 100! 🥳 I was wondering if I could request #100 and Wolffe 💕

thank u so much for the request!!!

#100: "Call me selfish, but I don't ever want anyone else to touch you." + Wolffe

warnings: kinda public sex. you dont fuck in front of anyone but its kinda close, jealous sex, clothed sex, creampies

You could think of a million different things you'd rather be doing right now.

You'd rather clean the barrack bathrooms after the boys don't have the heart to turn down Plo's well-meaning attempt at cooking. You'd rather be dropped off on an abandoned planet and be told to find a way off. You'd rather be getting shot at by fucking Seppies.

But, no. You're here in this ridiculous dress for some party thrown in the name of the GAR's brave and selfless troopers.

What a load of shit.

As if any of those senators give a shit about any of these men aside from how a picture of them shaking hands will boost their approval ratings.

You know you were invited as a deliberate political move. As the only volunteer nat-born medic for the 104th, you make the war easier to look at.

Look, Senators will say while they point to you, we don't rely solely on the creation of clones who are made to fight and die for a war they have no choice in! We have regular people involved in the war too!

Again. What a load of shit.

It's sickening the way that these politicians will pretend to care about the well-being of the soldiers who fight and die for them when it will make them look good. These people, if you can even call them that, don't know what it's like on the front lines.

You can barely understand what it's like on the frontlines, but you see the aftermath. You see the shell-shocked shinies and the trembling hands of even the most veteran trooper after a battle gone wrong.

Politicians are a disease, you think to yourself, and the sooner you can get out of this ridiculous dress the better.

The only benefit to this is the free champagne and the way Wolffe acts as a deterrent to any smart Senator or politician that comes your way.

Dressed to impress in a sharp gray suit, Wolffe cuts an imposing figure next to you. The tight suit jacket makes his already broad shoulders look impossibly broader and the buttons of his dress shirt strain against the muscles of his chest.

Your dress seems to compliment Wolffe in every way. Your dress is mainly white, but the gray accents serve as a subtle call to Wolffe's suit. Claiming you as his, you like to think. The same designs etched into the cuffs and collar of Wolffe's suit jacket are present at the bottom of your dress, circling the hem before fading as you look higher up the dress.

You think you'd enjoy the night if it wasn't for the Senate's... everything. You may be in a war, but you enjoy looking and feeling pretty. You think you'd feel very pretty if the meaning of the night didn't make you feel sick to your stomach.

With the commander acting as your shadow for the night, you've had little trouble keeping pesky Senators looking for a quick fuck away from you.

At least... the smart ones.

"As I was saying, my father is one of the main beneficiaries of the GAR," the boy — and truly he isn't enough to call a man — prattles on in front of you, totally oblivious to your uninterested expression and the clone commander hovering over your shoulder. You think he might be a senatorial aide and his father might be the Senator?

You wonder if you should adjust the plunging neckline of the dress so that the hickey Wolffe left behind last night peeks into eyesight.

"And I tell him that he shouldn't waste our family money on this war. Honestly, there's no need for clones," he continues, eyes flickering to Wolffe before he turns back to you, "I mean, what could clones possibly provide that a real man can't?"

He leans towards you, and with his last few words he drags his knuckles lightly up your arm. A smile that he must think is charming slithers onto his face as he continues to caress your crawling skin.

"Better company, for one," you mumble into your champagne glass before you can cause a scene. You drain the rest of the drink before you say something stupid.

You don't think you muffle it well enough because Wolffe's shoulders shake in muffled laughter behind you.

"Would you like to dance?" The aide blurts out, and once caressing fingers turn into a greedy grabbing hand closing around your wrist.

Wolffe stiffens behind you, jolting against your back before stopping himself.

Your face morphs into one of distain before you can stop it, "Actually," you begin, yanking your wrist from a sweaty palm, "I promised Commander Wolffe my first dance," your smile is so obviously fake it's painful, but the aide doesn't seem to notice.

"Well, maybe after you're done with the trooper, we can —"

"It's Commander," Wolffe finally speaks up, and his gravely voice has goosebumps spreading across your skin.

"Excuse me?"

Wolffe's hand splays across the small of your back as he steps beside you, "I said, it's commander," he repeats, voice cold like stone. Fuck, it makes your thighs rub together beneath your dress.

The aide's nose scrunches up, "Yes, well, when you're done with the commander, maybe you'll come my way?"

What is it with men not taking a hint?

"No, I don't think so," Wolffe answers for you before the hand on your back shifts from just a grounding touch to a guiding one, and he's leading you away.

Your skin is alight with excitement. You look up at the commander, whose jaw in clenched in obvious irritation. It makes you feel guilty, but Wolffe looks extremely attractive when he's pissed.

"Wolffe, we just passed the dance floor," you whisper as he rushes you past the chunk of the room marked out for couples to hold each other close and sway to the music.

"I know," Wolffe says shortly, leading you to the nearest exit so fast that you nearly fall out of your impractical shoes.

He practically drags you out the door and into one of the hallways you know you aren't allowed to be in.

"Wolffe, where are we — Oh!"

The commander cages you against the wall, hands on either side of your head as his hips press flush to yours through your dress. You can feel the bulge of his cock even through the layers of your clothes.

He breathes in deep through his nose before he speaks, "You're mine, you know that, right?" he rocks his hips against you as he speaks, and you don't get the best friction through the poofiness of your dress, but it's his words that make your thighs clench.

"Yes," you whisper into the space between you, "only yours, Wolffe,"

And it's true. You are Wolffe's no matter the setting — battlefield or ballroom — and no matter the outfits — hard plastoid armor or dashing suits and dresses.

Wolffe stares down at you, breathing hard through his mouth, searching for something in your face before he leans down to crush your lips together.

He kisses you like he's fighting. It's vicious and he tugs your bottom lip between his teeth until you whine, and it's only then that he lets it go. "Call me selfish," he whispers in your ear before he flips you around so that your face is pressed flush with the wall, "but I don't ever want anyone else to touch you."

Wolffe's hands are desperate as he begins to wrench the layers of your dress up and up until it's all bunched up above your hips, leaving your lower half exposed to him.

He inhales sharply at the sight of the lingerie the women who helped you into the dress had given you.

You never know whose going to unwrap you by the end of the night, one of the women had whispered like a secret to you.

But that wasn't true. You knew exactly who was going to unwrap you.

"Fuck," Wolffe hisses, dragging one of his hands across the delicate lace that covers your ass. "You wear this just for me?"

You pant against the wall, hands scrambling for purchase as Wolffe leans down to bite the meat of your ass. "Shit!" you gasp, just a bit too loud for comfort.

Wolffe drags his teeth down the curve of your ass, nosing at the wet patch of your panties. "How long have you been this wet, pretty girl?" he demands, pressing the tips of his fingers against the wet lace over your clit.

Your hips jerk against him. It's exhilarating to thing that only one door and a left turn separates a room full of Senators and Very Important People from the two of you.

It's filthy what you're doing. You're sure if anyone were to see you — pressed face first into a wall with little regard for the makeup that was applied to you with more caution than one treats a bomb and your expensive dress hiked up around your waist to expose your soaking cunt, you'd single-handedly ruin all efforts to draw support for the GAR.

"Answer me," Wolffe spits out as he drags your panties down your ass to let them fall around your ankles. One broad hand swats at your ass, right over the pulsing bite mark he left behind.

"All night!" you sob into the wall, biting your hand to muffle the groans you want to let out. "As soon as I saw you in that suit!"

A part of you wishes Wolffe would turn you back around. You want to see him in that suit — want to watch his muscles bunch and flex beneath the delicate fabric.

Wolffe's huff of laughter blows a puff of hot air against your cunt, making you clench around nothing. "You like me in this suit, sweet thing?" He raises to his feet and you can hear his hands fumbling with his belt and zipper. "Well, I'm about to fuck you in it,"

You whimper into the back of your hand. Your own slick starts to drip down your leg. "Please."

The blunt head of Wolffe's cock presses against your entrance. Usually he would make you cum at least once before he fucks you just to get you ready for his girth, but in this moment you couldn't care less.

You want Wolffe to fuck you, and you want to feel the stretch. You want him to fuck the feeling of that grimy aide touching you out of your head.

"S'that what you want?" Wolffe breathes as he starts to slide in, "you want to forget that boy? Huh? You want to be fucked by a man?"

A keen catches in your throat as he sinks in halfway. Fuck, you feel like you're being split in half. His cock just keeps going and going in this position, and all you can do is take it.

You bite down hard into the back of your hand as Wolffe finally bottoms out, but Wolffe grabs your hair, fancy curls and accessories be damned, and pulls your mouth away from your hand.

"Don't you dare," he hisses as his hips set a deafening pace. "Don't you dare hide your noises from me. I want to hear you — I want them to hear you."

Your moan echoes through the hallway.

There's something feral in the way that Wolffe fucks you. With his suit still on, totally presentable besides the cock that's been pulled out of the fly, he's beautiful.

You, on the other hand, look filthy. Your eye makeup is smudged with the tears that Wolffe forces out of you, and you know your hair will be a lost cause by the end of this. Your dress is already wrinkling and your delicate stockings are ruined with the slick that drips down your legs from your cunt.

"Wolffe!" you cry out as pressure in your core tightens.

"'m gonna cum," Wolffe grunts, hips pistoning even faster.

He's ruining you, you think through the haze of pleasure. He's ruining you and you love it.

"Please," you sob, one of your hands leaving the wall to grab at his hips. You almost can't hold on due to the force and speed of his thrusts, but your fingers claw into the fabric of his jacket and you hold on for dear life as he brings you closer and closer to release.

"I think I'll come in this tight little cunt, what do you think?" Wolffe drags the blunt edge of his teeth along your neck and up your jawline, ending just under your ear, "Stuff you full of me, and send you back into that ballroom,"

You clench at the thought. Fuck, you want that so bad.

You're nearly incoherent with pleasure. You're just babbling in agreement to the filth that drips from Wolffe's mouth like the slick that drips from your cunt.

"You like that?" Wolffe asks even though he knows the answer, "You want me to send you in there smelling like sex and dripping my cum?"

One of his hands snake around to circle mercilessly around your clit. The pressure nearly has your knees give out.

"I think I'll keep your panties with me," Wolffe whispers in your ear, "so I'll drip out of that pretty cunt and down your thighs for the rest of the night."

The pressure in your core snaps and you cum around him with a wail.

Wolffe clamps a hand over your mouth as his thrusts turn more into grinds. His teeth sink into your neck as he finally spills inside you.

The feeling of his cum flooding your cunt has you clenching around him even more.

"Fuck," Wolffe hisses, fucking his cum into your spent cunt with an obscene squelch. "Fuck, you're so tight, pretty girl,"

You moan faintly, thighs trembling as he finally pulls out. A gush of his cum starts to drip out. You clench weakly, trying your best to keep it in.

Wolffe presses a kiss to the back of your neck, "Step out of your panties, sweet thing," he whispers into your skin, hands on your hips to steady you as you do what he asked.

You stand on coltish legs, wobbling in your heels with the aftermath of your orgasm, as Wolffe bends down to grab your ruined panties and stuff them in his pockets.

They ruin the line of his suit, and anyone who looks at him for more than half a second will know he's got something in his pocket that shouldn't be there, but you think no one will be looking at him when you're there.

Not with your hair a mess and mascara smeared just so around your eyes. Not when you reek of sex and sweat and there are bite marks littered across your skin. Not when your dress is so obviously wrinkled due to less-than-appropriate events.

Still, you walk back into the ballroom with your arm linked with Wolffe's and his cum sliding down your thigh and soaking into your stockings.

The senatorial aide doesn't bother you for the rest of the night, but that might have something to do with the clone commander flashing him a bit of lace from his jacket pocket.

When you get back to the barracks, Wolffe fucks you with those same ruined panties in your mouth to make sure none of the boys hear you two.

[seraphiism]

hii kai!! sorry this isnt directly related to ur writing (which i could talk about forever btw. mwah.) but i remember a while ago you mentioning that u studied really hard for ur exams and felt that it paid off!! which is amazing!! i was just wondering, do u have any advice on how to study for such huge exams?? sorry for the random school-related ask, i understand if you dont want to answer!

kai (˃̣̣̥ᴖ˂̣̣̥)(˃̣̣̥ᴖ˂̣̣̥) just kidding just kidding, hello !! nothing to apologize for, i don't mind at all c: i like answering random questions. i'm not very good at explaining how i study but i hope this helps a little !! good luck w your studies!

always start early! it is better to have extra time rather than not enough time. typically i start 2-3 weeks before the exam date and have a set day that i start studying. before this day, i already have my notes typed and printed out

sort out your study material and make a timeline. before i start studying at all, i use a planner and try to divide my notes into sections. so today i'll study half a page, tmmr i'll do another half, etc. that way i can see my pacing as the days go by and make sure i can cover all the material by the exam date. i try to keep it realistic but i always make sure to give myself wiggle room in the event that i don't have enough time one day or i just need a little break and i study less :^)

this is how i format my notes ! i always retype the prof's powerpoints because i will format them a certain way to make it easier for me to learn. this is what mine normally look like! you will eventually figure out your own preference

so !! i literally just rewrite my notes until i learn them, which takes a while, but it has always worked ( granted i actually understand the material and do not rely entirely on memorization only ). for example, i will learn all of hypovolemia, make sure i know all the information listed under it by writing and rehearsing it out loud without looking at my notes. if i can do that, then i'll move onto dehydration and do the same. i'll continue the process until i learn that whole section, but then i'll do a quick review of everything, starting over from hypovolemia -- that way i know i'm retaining instead of just remembering for a quick moment. i also review it the next day to make sure i actually know it, too. that being said ! i review allll the time so when the test comes around, it's easy for me to remember. i will review old info constantly, so if it's been a few days since i learned fluid volume deficits and i can list everything without missing any details, then i will cross it out in pencil -- pencil means i know it pretty well, but just in case, let's review it later for the last time. i will come back to it either that night or the following day after i have learned a new section of my notes, and again-- if i know everything, then i'll cross it out in pen, meaning i 100% know it, no need to review anymore, don't focus on it. this makes it easier for me bc i can see what i've learned for sure, and if i don't know a certain part of it, then it's not crossed out at all! this lets me know what i need to focus on, and if it sticks out, then for some reason i remember it a lot more easily

if i have additional time, i print out another copy of my notes -- if i've learned everything by now and it's all crossed out in pen, then i'll do the exact same thing for this new copy. i'll use a flashcard or smth that covers up part of my notes, jump around the pages and find a random section and review it. i jump around so i know i haven't memorized disease processes and what-not by recalling the order of my notes, so it's rly haphazard and makes me have to kinda dig around for active recollection. this also shows me what i have forgotten and what i need to review again

youtube is always your best friend!! khanacademy is always a great resource, very thorough. if you are studying medical topics, osmosis is also super good. watching videos to reinforce your knowledge or to help you grasp a concept better is always always helpful. these channels like to draw explanations out as well, so if you're a visual learner, it may be beneficial

i recc practice questions as well, too! i personally do not do them very often now, but they can help identify weaknesses, especially if you are provided with rationale

other reccs: » forest : basically a timer on your phone. you can choose which plants to grow and if you exit the app for more than 10 seconds, your tree dies. it's rly cute and basically makes your phone untouchable for however long you choose. i think it costs a few dollars? but if you save up enough coins in the app, you can grow a tree irl the free version is flora, i believe! there is also a browser extension as well c: » pomodoro kitty : customizable pomodoro timer except it's got a cute cat and background you can customize. the cat meows when the timer is done btw, don't get scared like me when tht happens :3c. you can also mute it though i believe » lofi.co : lofi music !! but with an interactive background. you can toggle day/night and noises like rain, traffic, etc » i miss my library / i miss my cafe : ambient library and cafe noises

i hope this helps and it's not super confusing!! i always have trouble explaining how i review notes and what-not and it worries me tht it might seem complex but it's rly not :(. please let me know if you have more questions or smth !! always here to help

[aphrodict]

☆ this blog is not spoiler free, i will no longer be adding spoiler warnings on my posts. scroll at your own risk!

dont copy,claim, or translate my work as your own

the blog

about ari

send me an ask if you wanna be mutuals! please read my carrd first <3

i usually view profiles of the people who follow/interact with me, if i see myself on your dni—i will tell you about it in an ask. you can either block me or just read my fics and try not to interact with me

wattpad account - ao3 account

dms/messaging

feel free to dm or say something in my inbox, my reply would be late depending on the time

unless you’re a mutual of mine— do not ask for my other accounts (insta, twt, whatever)

shipping

to prevent arguments or hate i dont allow mentions about ships in this blog. though if you’d like to talk about them, my sideblog is always there @20ra

you are free to imagine the reader as another character/your oc, just dont repost it somewhere else. (ex. replacing ‘f/n’ and putting another characters name on it then posting it on your blog/any other platform)

dni

basic dni criteria, homophobes, toxic people, toxic shipper or if u ship anything illegal, invalidating bcs of age or interests, pedos, toxic bbm supporters

i take this seriously, i do this to make sure my page is a safe place for fanfiction

byf

chaotic, mostly active on discord. i can be semi-toxic but just tell me if i go too far

i can adjust how i act for you, im usually really loud so to make sure it wont overwhelm you, just say the word

requesting

general request rules

use the inbox when requesting

refrain from nsfw, i can make it slightly suggestive if thats what you want

be specific, if you want an archon reader — just add it in there. ex: archon!reader, adeptus!reader

i wont write for yandere, any death/too much angst, i will also not write for disorders, diseases (i lack medical knowledge and im not really good on this field) and things like depression / anxiety.

no pedophilia/incest etc..

i have the right to decline a request if i feel like i have to

for headcannons, maximum character limit is 3. for drabbles its 2 characters.

i dont take emergency requests, i have trouble rushing or even having deadlines for myself since its only a hobby of mine ! :)

ill be getting to your request in time, be patient

about the theme

i can write for canon, smau, college au, or basically anything (band au etc etc)

ill also be writing for tropes, although im not good at most of them

giving me a prompt, plot or a song to work with will help alot!

will not write

pedophalia,incest,smut,nsfw

yandere / character or reader death / torture

child!reader

abuse,toxic relationship,trauma, disorders, diseases

 character x oc, character x character

will write

fluff, angst, hurt/comfort

gn!reader / fem!reader (though, i always go with gender neutral)

canon, smau, college, modern and band/idol au + a few more

characters

i will not write for unreleased genshin characters (no appearance / drip marketing = no)

genshin — 30

male: zhongli - xiao - tartaglia - thoma - diluc - kaeya - chongyun - albedo - kazuha - xingqiu - venti - scaramouche - itto - gorou - tighnari - alhaitham

female: hu tao - ganyu - ayaka - amber - yanfei - sucrose - keqing - jean - fischl - baal - miko - shenhe - yoimiya - xiangling - collei

persona — 8

male: akira - ryuji - yusuke - akechi

female: futaba - makoto - ann - haru

k-on — 5

female: yui, tsumugi, ritsu, azusa, mio

saint spell's love guide — 4

male: bugbear - simon

nb: alucain

female: scylla

final fantasy — 4

male: noctis - prompto - zack - cloud

[intramoon]

1. youre so pretty ;-; i love your bangs! 2. i agree completely with everything you said, and honestly i'd love to see more content like this from you i found it very interesting! i dont have anything to contribute to this converstation,but i figured i'd pop by and let you know that these have all been topics that have been swimming around in my mind for a while now and your video just sort of really nicely put them into words and im appreciative that you took the time to do this<3

Continuation: also, id really be interested in a video about simblr idolization like you suggested because i know i personally have a lot of thoughts on that and idk i like the way you talk about things! and yes!! id love to hear more about your autoimmune disease if you're comfortable, topics like those are so intriguing to me and i'd honestly just like to know more about you<3 anyways this is too long and rambly im sorry i hope u have a nice day/night!! ily keep up the great work!

-

Thank you! T-T Glad you think so because my hot water went out the morning I had to get ready for that video and I wasn't able to set my hair because it was too cold and I had no conditioner. ;-; I was thinking "OMG my hair is so frizzing."

Anyway! Glad you enjoyed the video! I've been thinking about all those topics a lot recently (and I still wasn't able to capture all my thoughts even with it being 50 minutes), and I thought I'd share my perspective. I fully anticipate people have other points of view on the subjects but I still wanted to put mine out into the ether.

I have a lot of experiences with idolization (mainly from someone who used to idolize other people unintentionally) so I've wanted to do one of these on it for a while! I will definitely do it soon!

I would love to talk about my autoimmune disease, not just because I think it's interesting but because there are no videos on YT about it and it might help someone who has been diagnosed/family or friend has been diagnosed. I might do that one next even if Simblr isn't interested.

Thank you so much for the kind message, hope you have a wonderful day/night!

[zuffer-weird-girl]

CAn u plz do a scenario where Chrono and Kai switch roles? One where Chrono being the boyfriend and father And chisaki wakes up, I was only a dream

What. The actual. Fuck?

He just had gotten up for the day and saw one boy and one girl with white hair passing by him with a 'good morning boss!'. He didn't remember allowing any precept to bring their brat to the base, neither did Pops.

Speaking of brats... were where his own? Most important, where the hell was his wife? He woke up that day and you weren't on his side, dreaming peacefully.

He walk a bit and soon arched his eyebrow at hearing those brats shriek in laughter before Hari just appeared out of no where and passed by him with a muttered apology, running after those two kids he saw earlier.

"What the...?" He muttered before he got a glimpse of your giggles aproaching.

"Good morning Overhaul." You nodded towards him before following Chrono.

... Overhaul? Shit. He didn't remember doing anything that got you upset.

"(Y/n)." You stopped immediately at his call before looking at him aprehensively "Why-"

"Got them." Chrono interrupted with a sigh, carrying both of the kids on his shoulders before he rolled his eyes with a smirk at you playfully clapping your hands at him.

"Chronostasis." Kai said nonchantly and pointed with his gaze at the both kids on his shoulders "Who are these?"

Chrono's smirk faded and soom got replaced with a very confused face as yours grew the same way as well.

"What do you mean boss?" He placed the kids down, the boy hugging his leg while the girl hugged yours "Those are my pests." The boy scowled up at him while Hari messed around with his white hair.

"What- Didn't you had only Haru?" He asked in almost disbelief as Hari's face grew a bit worried.

"No? I have Haru and Hiroto. Been ten years already, you know them."

"In ten years I had my own son and my daughter, and I pretty much have sure that you didn't had a son." He almost growled before yours and Hari's eyes changed looks before looking back at him.

"Kai... you don't have kids. You never liked them." Hari said almost in a manner of fact tone of voice, lefting Chisaki's blood boiling.

"I had Kaito and Kin blockhead. With (Y/n), if you lost your memory."

"What?" You squeaked as Hari urged both of the kids to go to other room.

"What do you mean 'what?'? Gree insane yourself as well?"

"Dude... (Y/n) is married with me." He said calmly before pointing at the door those kids had left "The brats are mine and hers."

His whole body seemed to have catched on fire as he brought his hand up to show... nothing? Where the fuck had his wedding ring went?"

"Impossible. (Y/n), out. I have to have a chat with Chronostasis." You nodded aprehensively before standing on your tip toes to give Kurono a kiss on the cheek.

What?! DID HE REALLY JUST SAW THAT DISGUSTING SCENE?!

"Kai, you're alright pal?"

"No, the fuck I am not." He growled before brushing his his gloved fingers through his dark brow looks "Since when you, YOU, are married with (Y/n)? Worst even, since when you had brats?"

"Ten years ago I had Hiroto then later Haru." He lifted his hands up in defence "I married her at least three years before Hiro was born."

"This is wrong. A disease, a side effect from a quirk it cant be right this shit." He felt hives crawling on his skin "I married (Y/n). I even gave up on my experiments with Eri because of my first son, Kaito Chrono. Kaito Chisaki." He growled "You, yourself is the fucking godparent because of (Y/n)'s wishes."

"Kai... that didn't happened." He said calmly but worry still evident "Sure, Pops did made up your mind about Eri and such, but you never got married neither had a relationship with anyone as far as I know of."

He scoffed and stormed out of that place, looking for the man he surely knew would explain to him what the hell was going on.

"Po-" he stopped talking and widened hsi eyes at seing the familiar girl, a bit grow up, talking with the elder happily before going silent and fearful of his presence "...Eri..?"

"Kai my boy." The man commented before getting up with a grunt "What gives me the honor?"

"Wha... what the hell is going on..." he brough his hand to rub one side side his face due to the irritation his hives brought "First I know about my own wife that now is married with Chrono, then she has brats with him and now-" he pointed at Eri who even flinched a bit "this?!"

"Woah Chisaki, calm down." The elder patted his shoulder a bit "What on earth you're talking about?"

"My wife dammit!" He pointed outsides, accidentaly slapping Pops hands away from his shoulders at his desperation and irritation "Is this some kind of fuck up joke?!"

"Chisaki. First, you dont have a wife. Second, what has gotten into you? There is a child in here." He said sternly while pushing Eri a bit to be behind his back "Since when you swear like this?"

"The moment where I know my wife is married instead with Kurono maybe?!"

"Chisaki you were never married." The elders eyes were open wide and in concern "First that plan years ago, now this?"

This is madness. Madness. He wasn't crazy, he had done all of those things, it wasn't a fucking illusion. It cant be possible!

All of those years that he spend with you, allowed his walls to fall down only for you were mere hallucinations? No... he... he didn't. It can't be-

~

He jolted awake with a choked gasp, feeling the disgusting shen of cold sweat on his forehead and back.

He breath in and out slowly before he flinched at the touch of fingers on his arm. Glaring subsconciously at whoever was beside him... only to ease back a bit to see those ever so sweetly and worried (E/c)'s eyes.

"Nightmare?" You whispered and he almost left out a shaky breath as his hand slowly went to your left one and brought close to his face.

The weeding ring, the one he had gave to you so many years ago... that meant he wasn't crazy...

"Kai?" You tried again, worried at not hearing no words from him and that he had been staring at your hand for at least three unstoppable minutes.

"...thank god..." he sighed before lowering his head on your shoulder, this time allowing the shaky sigh left his lips.

You were worried sick no less, but still wrapped your arms around his shaken up, muscular form.

"Was it about the past again?" You whispered after he got the strengh to lift his head up, merely shaking his head in denial "Want to talk..?"

He got up with a sigh, shaking his head again while going straight to the bathroom. Minutes later he got out with only the lower part of some other night clothing.

"Kai..." you got up, asking silently if you could touch his face... not receiving a denial, you cupped his bare cheeks and touched your forehead along with his warm one.

"The brats are still sleeping, right?" He muttered nonchantly as you nodded, confused at the relieved sigh he left out before wrapping his arms around you.

Weird night to say the less...

Bonus:

"You're not allowed to even step closer, one inch for that matter, to (Y/n)." Chrono lifted his hands up in defense as his boss growled in extreme anger.

"The fuck did blockhead even do?" Irinaka asked, confused as fuck.

"Not your business Mimic." He growled, sending daggers through his glare at Mimic.

[jindoelf]

200404 Eunhyuk Online Birthday Party (Eunhae cut)

https://youtu.be/wKfjaJyzplQ

🎁은혁이와 함께 온라인 생일파티🎁 (HAPPY BIRTHDAY EUNHYUK)

hj: i have to call donghae next. what shld i get him to say?

sd: shld i help u pick? smth hard for him to say... this kid... lets get him to say his nickname "lee donghaek"

hj: shld i just get him to say nyonyoynyoo

right donghae. what to do if he curses? they curse a lot with me. right so "nyo nyo nyo ynoo"

dh: happy birthday to you

hj: nyonynoynoy

dh: happy birthday to you

hj: nyonynoynoy

dh: my e oppa

hj: nyonynoynoy

dh: did u do ur birthday party

hj: nyonynoynoy

dh: oh u did thats nice

hj: nyonynoynoy

dh: did u eat seaweed did u talk with ur mom

hj: nyonynoynoy

dh: nyonynoynoy

hj: oh????? ur late!!!!

dh: im never late!!!

hj: ur always a step behind me

dh: ur a step behind me!!!!

hj: ur like 2m behind me

dh: nyonynoynoy

hj: u shld have did this earlier!!!

dh: nyonynoynoynyonynoynoynyonynoynoy

hj: oh u speak well. right by

dh: where are you?

dh: (in the live) happy birthday to you

hj: ??????

dh: i told u i was never late comepared to u !!!!! didnt i !!!!!! ah!!!!!!!! nyonyonyonyooo!!!!

hj: u shld have said so earlier!!!!!!!!

hj: ahhh hthats why the cake only comes out now!! i was wondering why we didnt start with the cake right away. u shld have come earlier

dh: (sings happy birthday) u have to blow the candles with ur nose

hj: shld i try one? oh it works?

eunhae: (laughs)

hj: bring me tissue!! ahhh its the first time i wear this

dh: birthday presents

hj: did you buy them

dh: what are you talking about

hj: i'll check. bring ur receipts.

dh: why do u need to do this

hj: u checked last time when i came didnt u

hj: oh u went there????

hj: bring me another tissue

dh: u don't need it. here!

hj: ???? thats not a gift thats just u promoting!!!!!

dh: no just put it on!!! put it on!!

hj: thats just u promoting!!!

dh: no!!!

hj: then u talk

dh: i really really want to meet you guys. really really really want to meet you guys. oh i will clean it up for u (the stain)

dh: u bought me couple gifts last time didnt u !!!!!!!!!!!!

hj: i did (laughs) ah this is so annoying!!!! we look crazy !!!!!

hj: oh this is shoes? ah this fucking?

hj: ??????????

(couple shoes)

hj: are you fucking crazy. youre crazy

(* pun with shoes and fuck)

hj: i cldnt even think about this (this event)

dh: u needed this right (beauty products)

hj: oh yea. is it the new one? the limited edition

dh: its just how it is

hj: the bag's too big just for these two products

dh: (pulls out couple lipbalms (?????))

hj: woooow youre the worst. this is the worst video ever (laughs) whats this

dh: mother gift

hj: oh i gave a gift for ur mom too. oh i think i bought the same gift for mom

dh: she can use it for a long time

hj: this is the worst

dh: (forces a kiss on hyukjae)

hj: wtf ?????? get off!!!!

hj: this is the worst video ever

hj: wah i want to cry

dh: of course

hj: not bc of you

hj: i cld never have imagined it.... is there water?

hj: oh right, the dalgona? oh you did a lot! then you do it (donghae)

hj: show them, is that enough?

dh: it smells like dalgona coffee

hj: wah my mind is blank

hj: oh its a cheap cake right? about 1,000W right? looks cheap

hj: oh right there was a game

dh: werent u supposed to end it in an hour

hj: idk i do whatever i want. lets do the mission together. everyone what shld i get him to say? oh english? just enligh? oh?? "no challenge no change"

hj: ma-onnnng

sw: hyok

dh: me-honnng

sw: we only call once in a year; on ur birthday

dh: i'll call u in three days

sw: wtf...?

dh: (makes weird noise)

sw: what are you doing

eunhae: (humming the tune of no challenge no change)

sw: nyonyonyo

hj: ma-ong where are you ma-ong

hj: if theres change then there is....

dh: everybody say???

sw: i think its time for your medicine

eunhae: (laughs)

hj: no challenge

sw: i can't say that here theres a lot of people

hj: (usb impersonation) yah yah happy birthday my friend

sw: yes my friend

hj: im on live broadcast

sw:???? its ruined

hj: u failed my mission. u didnt say no challenge

sw: i did

hj: its within 40s

sw: its hard

hj: its bc my birthday is 0404

sw: i kno

hj: ur 0407

next is ryeonggu. what shld i do with ryeonggu. lets hurry up. "im confident"? ok. no other corner, we'll only do this (laughs)

hj: he's not picking up. ryeonggu. ryeonguuuuu. im confident!!!! that kid... hes not busy though. he doesn't have schedules though. does he pick up ur calls? try calling him

dh: then hold this for me

dh: i shld cut off my hair

hj: right hes just not picking up right? its not just my calls right

hj: right then last is kyu. ryeonggu is a fail. hes not picking up. next is kyu. what shld we do with him. "its the worst"? i will try.i shld just sing then. he keeps saying my singing is the worst

kh: hyunnng

hj: (sings)

kh: hyunnnng

hj: (sings)

kh: what are u doing

hj: (sings)

kh: ...hello?

hj: kyu?

kh: hyung ur rly bad at singing

hj: i was just pretending

kh: ur really bad

hj: if u had to say one word what wld it be. i have to hear a word from u

kh: ah "the worst"

hj: ahh!!!! why didnt u say it earlier. its too late now! kyuu

kh: hyung

hj: im doing the birthday party

kh: i heard its at 6pm. im not doing mine bc of u.

hj: ah bc they might not watch? u pushed it back

kh: hyung dont sing

hj: i will dance

kh: ah then thats ok

hj: anyway someones here

kh: who

hj: an athlete

kh: really? lee donghae?

hj: ur good

kh: im good ofc

dh: kyukyukyukyu

kh: donghaiiii. its the two of u

hj: yes its just the two of us. d&e has to do it

hj: am i done? lets eat it

dh: do we have to drink it with a straw? i never tried it

hj: oh this is weird (lipbalm)

dh: its cool right? feels cool. drink it in oneshot

hj: do i have to mix it? no? do i just drink it like this? u hvae a coffee shop, how do i do it?

dh: just dirnk

hj: (drinks)

hj: yah!!!!! theres no milk !!!! its bitter !!!!!!

hj: ohhh youtube is fun!! shld i do it? shld we do it? dont u do it?

dh: i don't do it like that

hj: do it and i will come over to play

dh: no no no no

hj: u shld call ur youtube nononono

dh: teuk hyung does it for 4 hours

hj: oh thats a problem. hes got a disease.

dh: i iwll leave now

hj: try it first. it s weird though? is tat how its supposed to taste?

dh: thats weird

hj: is that right? is that how its supposed to taste

hj: anyway u can leave. i will see you nononono

dh: nonononono

i did the the cake, the dalgona coffee and the game. whats next. ah the most important part, the questions! i was wondering what id do in an hour but its alrdy an hour. thats why teuk hyung does it for 4hrs. and since i don't hear u its quite alright (laughs)

the coffee isnt that good, the milk is good though. yeah its good everyone

i will start eunhyuk's quiz! drum. did u hear the drum sound? theres this thing from shindongdaeng's studio. shld we try listening to applause? is it coming out? ah no? (laughs) well

quiz 1: what was the popcorn that hyukjae ate during 2ya2yao filming

hj: is that the kind of question we're doing. i did eat... kh said it was good so i ate it but i don't rmb. oh? everyone gave the answer...? is that normal? consome(?)! then i don't need to guess??

guys don't give me the answer. it was consome (?)

congratulations for being picked for the quiz. you'll get a signed cd

quiz 2: 3-word poem with lee hyukjae from some show (didn't catch which one). if u don't kno pls do another one

hj: i don't rmb. pls give me the answer. pls give me the answer!!! yah elf-yah !!! give me the answer!!!! ah u don't know? whats this... wheres the person who sent this

right 2020 version

lee : im sad bc elf dont have much interest in me

hyuk : hyukjae hyukjae always wonder where elfs are

jae : its not fun

(laughs) fail! i used to be good at those. i lsot my touch

quiz 3: what was the airport event i had at some event in 2012

hj: how am i spposed to know!!!! do u guys actualy kno ?? oh?? it was marilyn monroe???? at that was that day? ah right it was for a punishment.... right fail! it was a punishment for all about suju

quiz 4: name of the menu of the cafe that i went with yesung on i live together (suju returns)

hj: ah.... i don't even rmb the cafe we went to. i don't want to remember. why are you bringing this up? then just fail. what was the name? i rmb it was a long name thats all

(thanhxuannie)

[ywyunho]

     *     hewwo so late but just finished an exam and this intro will reflect the exhaustion i currently feel so please excuse me but yw’s open ! ! 🥳🥳🥳 will list a couple points down below and some plot ideas until i can get a proper page up but here’s his profile for some stats and that’s about all i got. please feel free to like this if you’d like for me to roll into ur ims or please. also feel free to just roll into mine, i also have discord if that’s easier, just lmkk. but anyways this is kim yunho, km2 canon, a bro that pretends he has a personality. 

kim family, influential, involved in local politics and yunho doesn’t get the hype?? but it instills the belief in him he’s always got to be the polished, good-mannered son bc he is a reflection of his family and doesn’t wanna let them down................. or so he says

indecisive as shit, grows up doing a multitude of things in hopes of finding a definitive passion, is a quick study so its easy to go thru the motions w different hobbies or interests but boredom is like a disease that never stops giving . 

one hobby that happens to stick the handcrafted violin his grandfather gives him and he accepts it with an :o *insert sparkles all around his face* expression bc this feels like trust . this feels like a sign .

breaks said thing but initially in fear and desire to make reparations to grandfather (and himself) begins to look into violin-making and the craft of lutherie and there begins his first long-term interest, something he still does in spare time to calm himself when feelings n existence is too much

is a bit of a (used lightly) delinquent growing up, but nothing serious . more like following rules??? when u can ignore responsibilities and explore as a child???? its all done in the name of boredom!!!!!!! and privilege can make one very. haughty

but is a good boy, as seen thru his innocent features that old ppl just luv ok, overall despite dramatic tendencies when things don’t go his way, excessive pouting, silent treatment, brief phases of anger that don’t last long and are quick to exhaust him and have him wondering what was the point of feeling that much

leaves for university, forced to take something not. crafts related basically bc his parents dont trust him NOT to get bored and stress the vital importance in finishing THIS degree (major in business administration, minor in political science) before he can do much else, hoping it’ll make him settle down and stop chasing wanderlust 

makes it three years in, loses grandfather mid-way thru but pushes it all down, after the third comes the loss of a friend that he will basically never talk about now (tho people probably know ig?? considering. small town and his family at the very least were told), leading to him citing life is short and drops out to go on a backpacking trip thru europe like he thinks rich kids do and then stays with a couple friends in the states and basically . months pass and what was supposed to be his final year comes and passes before he finally promises parents to come home. its all very controversial

he is a disappointment and he knows it (so he says and thinks quite bitterly)

now works as desk clerk @ hot springs to get away from being at home at the time,  does not talk much about his time away, is a little more detached in hopes it’ll keep people from talking to him / about him when he’s still around . knows rumours probably fly around about the potential he had and the lack of results but . he pretends he simply does not care 

the end this was long and boring

to SUMMARIZE: boy doesn’t know what to be, is told to fit family mold, fails that and comes back a little broken.

possible connections???

childhood friends he used to hang around with until he left for university, probably awkward now and yes its prob entirely his fault, sue him

he used to declare u public enemy #1 and was so goddamn annoying........... except now he’s completely forgotten who u are and it’s ANNOYING.

he goes on morning jogs and maybe u join him . or maybe he joins u. maybe its cute. maybe it becomes a challenge and both tries to out-sprint the other . or maybe its just yunho 

parents once entertained/joked about the idea of the two of u getting married when yall grew up and excuse me. its like. 2020 . but hello could’ve been betrothed, how are u

you’re good at something and he wants to master it now. he is annoying.

you both used to share everything w each other and maintained contact when he left yangwon until he disappeared over the grid and now that he’s back u keep asking him how time outside of yangwon was and he keeps tries to actively get away from u with very badly exercised excuses . little do u kno its bc hes not ready to talk about his feelings and every time he sees ur face he wants to do just that

alternatively he sprints in the opposite direction every time he sees u and u dont know if he hates u for some reason or if hes full of himself or if u smell (cue edward cullen montage here) but god forbid........ its a cr*sh?

high school exes................... there is a lot of ways this could go

pseudo siblings, older or younger, bc yunho loves the concept of family

ur so c*te he literally trips when he sees u. insert a million other embarrassing events here

slightly antagonistic, but for the 100th time, yunho is annoying growing up with bc he oozes ‘im a good son, please love me’ pheromones with that disgustingly sweet smile of this but now that he’s back and not so faux perfect and theres some talk and u find maybe he’s not So annoying anymore

he likes to walk thru the rain and let himself get soaked and u are genuinely concerned bc what the f*ck dude . or u join him. what happens next may or may not warm ur heart .

works @ hot springs....... maybe he sees smth....... he shouldnt........?????????/ or maybe........ u want him to............????????/ god idk

this is so hard ill take anything .

[dcptcnx]

okay so I wanna make a quick theory about my honey chisaki. 

alright, so we already know that Overhaul is deemed a germaphobe and wants there to be a cure for the whole ‘heroes disease’ lmao, but i saw somewhere that someone made the discovery that child abuse was mentioned. yes okay yes. child abuse is in the manga. but heres my hot take:

Kids that have been abused growing up, do not understand whats right or wrong and so they think their actions of hurting someone is o k a y. (or so thats the theory) but Kai had to have been abused growing up. He’s doing what he thinks is okay because his parents did it to him!!1!

but when he gets Mr. Compress, he VERY LOUDLY yells ‘DON’T TOUCH ME’ and thats very distinctive. because for someone who has may have been abused growing up, this is a form of dominance. He may have heard his mom and/or dad yell this phrase quite often and thought that something bad will happen to the other if they touched them. 

its a tricky topic for me, as i have no experience and am not an expert, but ive seen enough evidence on actual friends of mine to kinda get the jist. 

and i dont know if he was given the overhaul quirk, or if he was born with it, but if he was born with it, maybe its maybeline his parents deemed him a monster and abused him cause they were afraid. or he fell really ill to the point it made him super skinny (cause that boy has some skinny af ankles and legs and i swear--) and so he hates ‘sicknesses’ and does not want anything to do with the air around him thats contaminated. 

poor bby has never experienced love...its okay. I’ll love u

[hyuckflirts]

bloom - hwang renjun

↬ summary: where he made you bloom and filled your lungs with flowers ↬ genre: angst, hanahaki disease!au, drama ↬ warnings: death and tears and lowercase text (im sorry if u dont like that lmao) ↬ wc: 1.2K+ ↬ a/n: @najaeminloveclub i dedicate this to u ily

you didn’t really know where it all started.

“blue is one of my favorite colors, it’s so peaceful and pretty.” he mentioned to you when he asked you to get food with him on a sunny day. “the weather is too nice to not go out and eat.” he said.

you were laying at the grass after eating. he told you blue was one of his favorite colors and the sky is one of his favorite things to look at. maybe it started with that. with the bridge of his nose, or the shape of his face or maybe just the thought that you see him like how he sees the sky. he’s one of your favorite things to look at.

you’ve tried avoiding people your entire life, afraid this exact situation is going to happen. but you couldn’t help it. renjun is one of the brightest and amiable people you’ve met. he was radiant, genuine and beautiful.

wrapped in blankets and covered with blue petals, your bedroom looks like a garden filled with memories you’ll treasure and keep in your heart at all times but you know none of those were true, in fact, it was almost the opposite.

yes it does remind you of renjun, of how great of a friend he is and the happiness he brought you, but it also reminded you all of the feelings you have for him that he didn’t know or returned.

with a groan, you throw yourself onto the bed, cursing the world. you wanted to blame renjun but you know he’s not the one to blame. it was all you. you were the one who fell for his jokes, for his laugh, for his words, for him.

“relationships are so scary.” he rested his back on the chair he was sitting. the faint music of the cafe seemed to get more distant as he speaks. “like what if, you’re with someone, and then suddenly you just started choking on petals?” he said, his eyebrows almost reached each other. “or like what if your partner, who you really, really like just started vomiting petals? but you loved them? does that mean they liked another person but they didn’t like them back?”

“coffee really does things to you renjun.” he chuckled. “but isn’t just loving someone in general the scariest thing?” you added.

he nodded, thinking. “now i’m really scared.” he took as sip of his coffee as you laugh. “please don’t fall for someone who won’t see your worth, y/n. i don’t wanna lose you.”

“do i look like i’d fall for someone like that?” you asked.

“no offense but yeah.” you rolled your eyes that time but now you shake your head at how he was right. maybe it started that day. with his thoughts, his chuckle, his voice or maybe just the thought of losing him frightened you more than your greatest fears.

you’re at your happiest when you’re with him. he’s your happy place. but it wasn’t meant for you. it was built for another person and you just happen to saw and find comfort in it first.

“i want you to meet someone.” he was sitting comfortably at your couch watching the movie you’ve seen together almost a hundred times. “they’re really nice, i think you’ll like them.” he took some chips from yours, keeping his eyes on the movie.

“is this the same someone who you met last month?” to be honest you didn’t wanna hear it. you just felt like he wanted to and so you asked.

“um, yes.” he laugh, probably from a memory with the person he was talking about. “i swear you’ll like them. they’re so sweet and kind. they were also really funny.”

“oh worm?” you looked at him, faking out a smile. “someone’s blushing.” you stated and he sat up shyly. “do you like them?”

“not, that much. but maybe?” he looked down at his hand. “they were so cute. they make my day better each time.” he shrugged.

that’s when the your happy place came crushing down. maybe it started that night. when he speaks a note higher, smiled a little bigger and when he started saying all the things you could never say out loud, the way he felt.

you sat up as another wave of pain rushed through your stomach and lungs, petals and tears fall to your hands every time you cough. the disease is at its peak. it’s breaking you and that even sitting up hurts every part of your body. at this point all you can do is wish for this to be over.

isn’t it just so funny how the person who made you feel alive is the same person who made you feel lifeless? like death?

you heard a soft knock on your door. he opened the door, the light from outside gave a glow to his skin.

“renjun?”

“i’m renjun.” that was it. everything lead back to this. when his smile lighten up the whole room and when he happily offered you his hand as he said those words. it started with this. his name.

“i’m y/n, nice to meet you!” you answered and it really was, he seemed sweet and kind, but now you’re laughing with irony at how knowing him not only made you feel butterflies in your stomach but filled your lungs with flowers, producing beautiful blue petals. it was his favorite color.

and now he’s back in your room, looking at the petals on your floor and on your bed.

“what are you doing here?” he walked towards you carefully. his throat tightens at the sight of you.

“y/n.” he sat beside slowly. his voice was already shaking and so was his hands. “was it me?” his voice cracked.

you shook your head. “no.” you manage to let out. “all you did to me was make me happy.” a tear fell down his cheek. “you made me bloom.” you laughed weakly. renjun sobbed, his tear falling to your hand as he held it.

“this isn’t funny!” he cried even harder. “i’m so sorry.” his grip tightens.

“it’s not your fault.” he pulled you to his chest and you imagining all the scenarios just like this if renjun loved you back. “renjun,” you wanted to say his name a hundred times until you get tired of it, but you know you wouldn’t. “thank you.”

“please y/n.”

“for everything. you have no idea how important you are to me.” you breathe slowly along with him. “and i love you. so so much.”

“i’m sorry. you deserve nothing but the best. you deserve the entire world, the stars and the moon. i’m sorry i couldn’t give it to you.” his voice was quiet, barely audible. “if i could do this all again i would never have introduced myself to you.”

you coughed, getting weaker and weaker every time. “if that happens, i’d probably still fall for you.” he caressed your hair. you heard him sob again.

“you deserve all the love in this world,” he whispered. “i’m sorry i couldn’t even give mine to yours.” you slowly closed your eyes, feeling the flowers take over your insides. “but please do believe when i say i love you.”

maybe and hopefully in another life, renjun, you will. you’ll give the amount of love i gave you or even more and mean those words like how i did.

[castlehead]

beauty seems to be really funny most of the time and i like dat.

this idea that sends pop definitions of beauty running for the hills makes for some

quality distance, if only one step back.

what if i had any idea who i was but could see into everybody else

phone home cheeky cosmic touch m8 gonna think this is too easy

yeah but not let’s feel this way without before examining ourselves

for anything fake about it first parting from the idea that there wasnt anyway

and then parting cuz that knows so much

that part of me knows so much abt what do you call it extreme fear of maudlin

i run naked thru the grass singing abt yesteryear

                        ...There’s a move in social situations I like to call, “around the sun” whereby you wait for the game to end to play music, or wait patiently for one plan of another to say its peace so you can say yours. I like to take it to a more extreme level and say, turn down the fuckin tv, I want to listen to a thing I find beautiful.

SONG ONE : like the earth

1. Sit back and dream of clouded metaphors Reveal the schemes that we devised Back in the day, when ur hands were small And the WORLD splayed out colorfully Before our eyes

(chorus)

Take ur thronging bussloads of the living dead Take all the lifetimes of a million busy heads Ur sly intellectuals that laugh in the dome The only place, the only place is in the peaceful tones Of singing birds perched on ascending wires, like notes

2. Caught u up past three, sitting on the porch I woke up from a dream that I immediately forgot That seems to happen a lot, especially if previously I torched a dutch and passed the fuck out But from the ether of my dreams I heard, from the scope of reality I heard you shout

(chorus)

3. The sun and the moon both live in a box And the box is a square made out of lead And the square lies motionless in ur head Like a body on the rocks

Watch the hour tuck away into an evening A day nestled in afternoon light From the beginning In ur mind that made all minds the same The twilight creeping across ur paper brain And I can only burn and burn and burn

And I can turn round like the EARTH And I can be a sphere like the EARTH And I can stitch up the nations With fear, like the EARTH

(chorus)

                        ...people who call it a false flag just don’t wanna think it’s their own who bomb, if it can’t be a towelhead.

SONG TEW : the rainbow

The sinister rainbow blinks over the clover And the dawn is a monster in my brain I'll take a picture before this song is over And I’ll fix u in a wheel to keep me sane

Don’t break out the gin for the old lady creepers Smoke until the blur makes ur head float around I live in hades, burn my tongue on the heater When I lick this heaven ill taste yur sound

(chorus)

What Im saying isnt deep What Im stealing isnt cheap But I know that if i play it loud and long That this song in my head will instead Form a beat

Like a stranger in the rain Slowly driving me insane There's a fork in the road And I dont know whether Or when, all this shit will come together In the end

2. I got a stupid friend who lives in a pause He takes life from the tiger’s jaws, and prays

That life begins again, after it is over And the rainbow shines like a dream, in a daze

Ill take u thru the eye of the needle Ill breathe a testament to ur false gods Ill tell the truth, and contaminate the evil And zap u like a lightning rod

(chorus)

3. Dont you know that the rainbow is the world? Dont you know that the news is already told? Im gettin too old to be unfurled Im seein the rainbow in my mind Im waking up for the daily grind Im singing useless things for useful people The rainbow is not evil, its kind Dont u know that the color kings rattle like a marble In a tin can? And the rainbow eats the darkness like a mother Without a son? Dont u know that u can never be a man? And the rainbow drags across the empty land And the rainbow drags across the empty land

(chorus) (chorus)

                        ...the only division is classical and romantic. all else is contributory to these two. postmodern, modern, no. romantic. it all follows the romantic objective. one is ruled by the time at which it occurred, and the other is ruled by the mechanism of breaking from any present time.

SONG THREE : an ending that promises to begin again

1. A legend sleeps in yur head somewhere You take yur trembling hands And grope for mine, like a bum for spare Change... You cant explain

This strange perdition that engulfs Yur position in the sane... And the trouble of the pulse That leads a broken synapse Up into my eccentric brain... Theres a clot in my neck And the ruins of time Keep me from being able to find A comfortable spot to rest

(chorus)

Im stuck in erasure--a constant exposure To the elements still provides me with eyes To see bad karma writhing in my spleen And I wonder if ill dream While the whole WORLD is awake Will I be the manufactured figure, Will I be fake?

Or will I take these petty abstractions And roll them up into a ball And put them in my pocket Just to feel the reason stall In my throat... Is life a puzzle, or a joke?

2. The life you led one sunny afternoon Is the life you never led again... I can appreciate the reasons For why you did not blend Like a chameleon in the room But cant discern the seasons Of the moon

Yur whispers prosper, loud Like a passionate apostle And the lords are proud of ur Painting on the wall... That skritter of an evening gone Is enough to scatter colors When the sky finally falls, And the lords are like the brothers Of what lorded over them... Take these idols and shatter them... The racket in my brain is loud And does not end And does not end And does not end, even when the jig is up Cuz ive gotten fucked by time: Its an ending that promises To begin again

(chorus)

                        ...Nobody starts an Apollonian, and only those are Dionysian who have the capacity for restraint needed to confer the Apollonian chariot, tho some die without a revision of the vision etc. some die restraintless

SONG FOUR : chauncey ames and the case of jenny preston

1. Chauncey loved the flowers Chauncey loved the trees Chauncey smelled the wind And knew that he was free

Chauncey took a cab home Chauncey felt the air flow Thru the window He paid the driver extra Just for keeping him From being alone... Back, once again To the place that he had left Long ago

In fact, it had been years and years and years Since the man had seen walls Not fortified in concrete... In fact, it had been years and years and years Since this man had put to rest That lying cheat

(chorus)

Chauncey was a killer That was his disease Got off on manslaughter: Fingerprints on a pair keys Got him twelve years For offing someone's daughter Even tho she was eighty three Cuz no matter how old u are Everyone Is a daughter or son To someone

2. Now he's out, but he has his fears... Maybe people will not like him For his past It is unclear Even after all the facts Had been presented... Whether Jenny Preston Was murdered, or just had a bad fall Onto a bed of broken glass They found her in the hall At the head of the stairs, flat on her wrinkled ass

(chorus)

Chauncey was a man of few words But in the end he was unheard His eyes were petrified In delirium His arms shook As he held the gun He took aim On the good book Instead of his brains just to prove a point His neck is craned His eyes like coins That shine their milky matter On the barrel of a luger

(Chorus)

                        ...doubt any of y'all would live up to the wit/confidence/sardonicism y'all judiciously sculpt for hours on the book of face.

SONG FYVE: my summer home

1. This is food for thought Write it down in chalk: The chimney puffs From the fire in the fireplace And erupts in a black plume And with luck The old man Balances a spoon On his nose He sits inside a room As the room grows Smoking from a pipe While its raining outside And the light Is waning, slowly waning, outside

My fingers and my toes Are numb to the bone And I will have my wish To swim with all the fish In the sea of my mind In time ill find A little spot in the country Somewhere peaceful and secluded Ill save up all my money And hope im not deluded And hope that I can find a place Thats nice, a lush spot For a good price

(Chorus) Do you feel that I feel you? Do you feel that you feel me? The time is right to live again To let the atoms wiggle In our spherical galaxy That seems to have no real end But the one that we assume Is reality, and soon We'll eat up all the doom

2. Concentrate upon a single understanding Dont let the sisters on the throne Rage in the dome And find out that this trip Needs more planning to exist

The sky is silver and the universe is green Ill show you things in this world That you have never seen Things that have been waiting So long to be unfurled Things for boys and things for girls Without an explanation Ill bring the nation together And hold it by a tether Show you things for boys And things for girls

(Chorus)

                        ...for example i would never be able to muster the cognitive stones to say all of this, in order, amongst the company of people, even friends

SONG SIX : notion

#1 im in the middle of this phrase Stuck between the lines Bless these simple chains I'll see what I can find In my simple mind To lead to some way out The drip, drip drip of water From the trippy rusty spout Keeps me awake I'll explain that to ur daughter The world is fake The world is miles away:

Chorus: Put a notion on the river And see it travel downsteam Suspended on liquid creature dreams I sweated thru the fever And, between the middle of this phrase Passed all my days in solitude And grew weaker, as the days Passed on in solitude

You can call me daft You can say im frozen In technicolor time That im stranded on an island In the middle of the ocean But I dont have the spine To wiggle thru the shaft And give you back This simple notion

#2 I gots a paper boat Lofting on the water It travels down ur purple throat And dissolves in the water

I set a fire just to see if it could think And I questioned the venom Just to see if it could blink Nonsense on the edge Of the bullshit day Chillin on the ledge, you shape the clay And drive the screws on down And drive the screws on down

I thought of you, thought of you And I felt like a clown

(chorus)

#3 I crawl out, I crawl out I crawl out of bed I walk down the hall To turn the notion into thread And whisper rumors to the dead Sometimes I try to talk And my voice drops Sometimes the vague paralysis Defies analysis And you are left sitting on a chair In a yellow room That is a technicolor tomb Without a door, confined and spare, I crawl, I crawl I crawl out of bed And walk down the hall And fall and fall and fall Into the creation of sound Until I hit the ground And everything is mother night And the imperfections in yur eye Spangle in the strange notion of the twilight

(chorus) (chorus)

                         ...the broad concept of subjectivity has as much to do with a detailed exegesis of one tenet of it as death itself with the specific way we die

SONG SEVEN : collected and connected

You're a sharp one You're a dumb one You got nobody But the people in yur head

And everybody is connected But you aint connected to them Yur a ghost, on the interim While the fringes die out You live them out To the last splinter Until it is winter And the trees are all white with snow And the blue wind blows

Yu spend twenty minutes Feeling for the lightswitch In a room made out of figments That you shovel into a ditch And bury, along with all yur Dangerous ambitions And as you drive away, you feel The religion Of yur memories corrupt u And yu reel

CHORUS. Cuz everyones connected Everyones collected Into the same intangible organism That lives life in the schism Of ur teeth I watch ur lips move And cannot hear u speak I pick up on the clues and watch the pressure leak Until all of it is used And nothing much is left To be abused

Everyones connected by a string That trembles across the space Of every living thing The fractions of my face illuminate in the light I shake when i sing I am a yellow kite Mangled in a tree Forgotten by the breeze I am a thing, wafting in the breeze But I have begun again, my friend, Just by following the string Follow, follow the string

#2 Two days ago the WORLD was made of angles I opened my eyes to the lost ways And came upon a shallow swale The brush and branches tangled And the rays of the sun, barely Coming thru the jail Of the scary fray

Dont you think that yur fellow men Would like to lend a hand? And dont you think That this desert you have crossed Only gets u more lost Until u arrive at the brink Of the sahara, and find A single, solitary house Where a mumbling old man Is confined

(CHORUS) (CHORUS)

i always dress nice when i have no place to go. otherwise i look like a sweaty coked up hobo. its my chic, paranoid hobo chic. my comportment u say? quirky to the acquaintance, somewhat sad to the friend, an endearing mix of both with a dash of worry to the best friend, and an embarrassment to the significant other. im usually the life of the party bc i bring drugs so people are forced to tolerate my horror of a personality.

rejection is a rare and beautiful flower my time is spent tending it my life wants it to be a gift i water the flower it sits next to my bed it is next to a lamp littered under the lamp are dead ladybugs ladybugs are all over my house but if i am not meant i am not meant and i cast my line of poetry here trying to figure out if it was meant to be there wonder exactly why what is innumerable can be rare and think of lots of things

[yaoiadderall]

@dont-let-your-dremes-be-memes it’s difficult for us too!! if someone’s using it to manipulate u that’s one thing but it’s not like we can fuvkin help having rsd!!!! i don’t WANT to feel like The Worst Person in the Entire World for unknowingly doing something minorly wrong, i just do bc i have a disease that effects how my brain processes shit. i try not to let it show bc i know it’s not the other person’s fault but it’s not mine either!!!!!!!!

@ ppl without adhd: don’t complain about how someone else’s rsd is just so incredibly hard for you bc you can’t ask them to make any kind of change. you can, the person with rsd might just be sensitive about it and you might have to offer more reassurance. but i can garuntee you it’s harder for them bc not only do they feel like absolute and utter shit abt seemingly minor things, they likely know it’s a problem and r hyperaware of how theyre affecting those around them, leading them to feel even shitter. comments like these just set it off worse bc if something i literally cannot help is annoying and inconvenient then my entire existence might as well be.

Rejection sensitive dysphoria is wild. Someone will be like "hey just so you know the thing you did was a little bit loud/uncomfortable/insensitive but it's ok I know you didn't mean it" and my brain will instantly translate "you should be shot"