#MAKE HIM AN END GAME LI RC!!!

[theonlyadawong]

a lot of people tend to think leon is constantly very angry with, or at least frustrated by ada, on account of her lies and manipulation, and while i do believe that feeling of his applies to all of their interactions of re2, i believe this frustration is not that present post re2, and it is in fact is because so many players project their own anger, frustration and even hatred of ada onto leon in the later games, as the more time he spends as a government agent, the more he understands ada and the world she comes from.

leons core tenet is that he wants to help people, so what does he do? he becomes a police officer because he believes cops do the most good (a sentiment that shows he is wearing EXTREMELY rose colored glasses lol), and then he heads to Raccoon City, and while in RC he helps everyone he can. and he is SO good natured that the idea that ada could be lying to him is so far from his mind (NOTE: this is NOT a sign of him being the heavily infantilized man fans make him out to be, and more a sign of general ignorance of the world, as frankly, nobody besides annette has any reason to believe ada would be a spy) because the world of mercenaries and espionage are so far removed from what he believes to be his reality. this is a man who fully believed becoming a police officer was the right way to help people. (and yes im aware of his established backstory where a cop saved him when the rest of his family died due to some crime. this still doesnt make being a cop the right thing to do.)

and so ada strings him along for her own personal gain, and at the end leon learns of her deceit. and the biggest betrayal leon experiences is not from ada, its just that the confrontation scene is the 11 o'clock number for leons half of the game, thus making it stick with us longer, as we the player have also been fooled by her. but no, the biggest betrayal happens when the government decides to cover up the horrors of raccoon city and use sherry as collateral to get him to work for them. and, unfortunately, this is only shown for a few minutes in resident evil darkside chronicles and in the epilogue screens of the original resident evil 3 (re 4 remake might add more to this, but that game hasnt come out as of yet, but heres hoping lol), so we dont fully get to see how he reacted to that outside of these moments and a few other passing thoughts in the series.

but!!! leons entire worldview crumbles after the events of 2, and the next time leon and ada meet in 4, he is wise to the world, and he has seen firsthand the atrocities the united states government is willing to commit under the guise of helping people. and people like ada, people who lie and manipulate and work for evil, greedy organizations (well intentioned or not) are now everywhere. theyre a dime a dozen. they are annette. they are luis. they are krauser. they were his recruiter. they are his boss. they are the president. they are the entire government he was so excited to work for.

ada just has the benefit of being his first introduction to these kinds of people

to be clear, im not saying leon is suddenly okay with her half-truths, but i am saying after he is forced to work for the government, he understands her, or at least, understands people like her, so much more so he knows exactly what to expect. just not when to expect it.

[norawilliamhoffman2450]

The first RC book that i read :

Shadow of Saintafour was my first game, and when I played it, I didn't know there was a walkthrough. As a result, the story didn't go well for me, but I loved it. It was the first time I truly felt alive because every choice had an impact.

My favorite books so far

kali: Call of Darkness, Song of the Crimson Nile, Garden of Eden, Kali: Flame of Samsara, and The Haze Will Take Us are my favorite stories because they have great plots that I love. The love interests in these stories are also incredibly beautiful, which makes me happy when I read them.

LI i didn't expect to love but i did

•After reading Garden of Eden, I didn’t like anyone in the first season, so I decided to stay single. But when season 2 started, I fell for Minhyuk and chose his path. However, after the last update, a player posted a beautiful scene with Dean, and I started feeling like I wanted to date him. Now, I’m interested in Dean, so I started a new slot just for him, with a different path and a new MC."

•I hated John from Theodora at first, but in Season 3, I started to change my mind about him, and I ended up with him as immortal."

•"I never understood why players were so obsessed with Ratan; to me, he was just a normal character. But when I read it a second time, I started to feel like I wanted to date him, so I did. Now, I really regret hating him at first."

•When I read Vlad's story, which was the second one I read on the app, I didn’t like him at first because he was so angry with me, and I liked Leo more because he was cute and handsome. But after a while, I started to fall for Vlad, so I pursued both of their paths until I chose Vlad, and I don’t regret it at all.

•With Bert in Arcanum, I’m not sure why I didn’t choose him at first. But when I read it for the first time, I started to develop feelings for him and realized he was cute and handsome. I didn’t need to think twice — I chose him immediately after one or two scenes with Rob (even though I was determined to choose Rob at first).

•Dragon from And the Haze Will Take Us started to grow on me. I found him handsome, cute, and heartbroken, so I made another slot just for him.

•Volot too — the last update made me create another slot just for him."

Li would i like to see more

My honey moon Hunger was amazing. His scenes were incredible, and his character was great. I loved the way they drew him; it was beautiful. I also liked his backstory and how only my MC wasn’t affected by sickness around him. He was gentle and lovely, and even his intimate scenes were cute and beautiful."

A book and /or LI i think has wasted potential

Killian,Leo,Joel,Hunger(his scene with MC was so short )

Book was wasted potential:i could say wasted ending like Kali call of darkness s3 EP 15 was wasted instead of giving us more details about others character where are they it was so short and wasted

@ratanslily @norawilliamhoffman2450 @farizrz

A little tag game because im curious to see what y'all like!! ✨

The first RC book you read:

Your favourite book so far:

LI you didn't expect you'd like but did:

LI you would like to see more of:

A book and/or LI you think has wasted potential:

tagging: @theodoravery @reneedenoailles @mikaelsrose @a-cloud-for-dreams @joeymerenset @webanglikethat @annn-starrr

[grahamcarmen]

Something i really like about RC is the small ways they break through their professional bravado's.

gray comes sauntering in like a true professional VILE agent and carmen immediately reminds him that they're friends and there's moments where obviously gray can't help but get caught up in that again; laughing at the memories together, being intrigued at the idea of hearing her story, feeling something when she says stealing isn't a game when you're stealing lives, just the words "come home" being how he asks her back, and not a hint of that bravado in his voice makes it to his face when he finally has to tie up a loose end

carmen tries to bring in gray with a professional reason in the opera caper but its just not happening so instead a personal and romantic reason to be with him is given to her and she's ready to take it. she's given a logical reason not to trust him again and she chooses a personal reason to actually be keeping her distance; while looking at him sad that he's forgotten, grinning knowingly when he asks her out, soft and yearning when she decides to stand him up

the kiwi caper has every means to an end start." we need an electrician. we know one." and while carmen tries to approach it as professional as possible, a "fortunately for me" slips out and gray offering again a more personal meaning to their meeting again [another chance at that cuppa] she smoothly accepts it as part of caper. and then the panic in her face as she chooses to save gray when bellum is near, can't hide how happy she is to have him on her side, and oh the soft soft way she says his name when she thinks he might have been hurt. she manages to end it on a professional (?lmao?) note but not before enjoying her date, and being so openly happy with gray after keeping up her mysterious orphanage spy lady disguise I CAN'T. IN PUBLIC CARMEN ?IN FRONT OF MY SALAD ??

the himalaya's has so many moments of her making it personal. VILE could poison him with lies she says. or tell him the truth answers shadowsan. she...probably always knew that she was going to lose him to VILE. but she still goes to save him. she tells him he's not that guy anymore but reminds him of the date instead of the way they took down VILE together. she's still losing him but the way she smiles knowing that its ...not personal.

gray starts out like he did. a VILE agent who regrets nothing, they're enemies again, his time as graham meaning nothing apparently. except he is ready to admit something he did regret.

and then its carmen's turn to be brainwashed and gray's ready to be a professional again. annnnnnnnnd immediately lets carmen nickname him again, telling old stories from school again (*cough cough* it was a carmen story *cough cough* it was the story where he ended up doing selfless for her), being upset not just that carmen ran off but that she didn't confide in them him to help, following her to help with her mission to kill zack, looking less than pleased throughout the whole thing, and eventually choosing to collude with ACME to return her to herself. no strings attached. he has a chance to abandon this mission when its obviously derailed by carmen being spontaneous, a chance to free sheena instead, and sticks to his choice. he holds onto carmen without fighting her back. he tells her this isn't the real you. lbr everything about it is so personal what even...

[thebudgetgarden]

The Budget Garden 3: Seven Seas (V-Premium)

Hello Cardfighters. So this post might be quite unique in the aspect that I don’t really have anything to really “teach” or that much to discuss either to be honest. The Seven Seas archetype has been a mainstay of the Granblue Clan, as a powerful sub-clan that initially dominated the G-era meta during late 2016 up until early-to-mid 2017, where it was hit and left to die as G was entering a new format.  People are only familiarized with them due to their very boysterous and loud presence in the G-meta game, but when the time came for them to be rebooted in the new V-series format, which, at the time, didn’t really have any truly cheap budget decks, their aggro playstyle was pushed to the limit in order to create a cheap deck that could steal games from the otherwise very slow and methodical meta of Nightrose and Scharhrot Vampir.  The formatting for this instalment is going to be quite unique as we are required, maybe, in a way, even FORCED to run every single card that includes “Seven Seas” in the card name. Therefore, there won’t be much in terms of options for tech choices, as about 90% of the deck is already decided for us. 

Let’s begin with our grade 3 line-up… which also just so happens to be the ONLY grade 3 unit that we are going to be playing in our deck, Lord of the Seven Seas, Nightmist.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When its attack hits, choose one of your (VC) or (RC) without any

Treasures

markers, and put a Treasures marker.

[CONT](VC):You get all of the effects below according to the number of your Treasures markers.

• 1 or more - All of your rear-guards with "

Seven Seas

" in their card names can attack and intercept from the back row.

• 3 or more - During your turn, all of your units with "Seven Seas" in their card names get [Power]+5000.

• 6 or more - This unit gets "[AUTO](VC):At the end of the battle it attacked, [Stand] all of your rear-guards with "Seven Seas" in their card names.".

To the majority of people that are having a full on Aneurysm reading this skill, I don’t blame you. The Treasure Markers are just that, markers that are placed on your circles, and that give off specific skills and unique abilities depending on the unit that is in top of them. Think of them as an indicator to know when your cards have their unique abilities and skills, instead of having to keep track of them yourself. Spoiler alert for every single card incoming, every single memeber of the Seven Seas archetype have the skill that allows you to obtain a treasure marker on one of your circles when they perform a successful attack.

Nightmist, apart from having really great artwork, is the main unit of our strategy, and the only real “payoff” for us actually obtaining these force markers. Do not be fooled by the shiny “protect” sumbol on the upper-leftmost corner, this is an insanely fast and loose Aggro deck, aiming to obtain 6 Treasure markers in order to perform 11 attacks in a single turn. This is perfectly reflected in Nightmist’s skill. The first skill allows for your backrow to attack your opponent’s units, just like a test-run version of Magnolia, as well as allowing them to intercept from the backrow, which seems very random but it will become obvious in a second. 

The second skill gives your entire board a very nice boost. With 6 Seven Seas units on your circles, it gives your board an overall surplus of 30k power, while also allowing your grade 1 units to hit force numbers, effectively allowing you to rush against all 3 gifts. 

The third skill is awesome, but really hard to pull off. If you have laid 6 successful attacks on your opponent and their units, Nightmist gets an effect that allows your ENTIRE board to restand, effectively giving you 5 bonus attacks.

Sound awesome, right? In the 25-30 games I have played to playtest for this very blog, I have managed to resolve this final skill on about 5 or 6 of them, either because at that point of the match I had either won the game or lost the game. It pops up SO LATE into the game that you might as well have already won, but when you do get to pull it off, it feels amazing … just don’t expect it to come up that often.

Nightmist is a hilariously bloated card, clearly being designed to fix holes that existed with this strategy before he even got printed. Nightmist is also the most expensive part of the deck, as a playset will set you back about 5-10 euros. 

Moving forward to the grade 2 line-up, the units in this segment arent nearly as complicated or long-winded as Nightmist, as the grade 2 line up does an excellent job of adding some much needed consistency and raw power. 

Our Grade 2 line-up consists of three units, Nightspinel, Negrolazy and Slash Shade. 

[AUTO](VC/RC):When its attack hits, choose one of your (VC) or (RC) without any Treasures markers, and put a Treasures marker. [AUTO](VC/RC):When placed, COST [Counter Blast (1) & put two cards from the top of your deck into the drop zone], and call up to one card with "Seven Seas" in its card name not named "Seven Seas Pillager, Nightspinel" from your drop zone to (RC).

[AUTO](VC/RC):When its attack hits, choose one of your (VC) or (RC) without any Treasures markers, and put a Treasures marker. [CONT](RC):During your turn, if there is a marker on this unit's circle, this unit gets [Power]+15000.

[AUTO](VC/RC):When placed, you may call a grade 0 from your drop zone to (RC).

  There really isn’t a lot to say, Cardfighters, these are the two types of skills that were really needed for some added consistency and power. Nightspinel not only fulfills the role of the “waifu" card in this archetype, she’s also a very nice way of setting your drop zone up for certain ressurection effects, but she is a single card that can provide more board advantage in a deck that calls a lot of its hand onto the board. Also, she’s very cute, which is also a plus. And in the category of “not so cute, but much more playable” comes Slash Shade, a card with a very simple, yet powerful effect. He can make himself a 24k attacker by just existing on a circle with a marker on it, key word being ANY marker. A protect II gift, which manifests itself as a marker on a circle also works with this skill, so a protect II market makes Slash Shade, even while unboosted, a 29k attacker. Couple that with Nightmist’s second skill, 3-4 of your circles are most likely going to be attacking from the backrow for 29k-34k.  Slash Shade is, in a complete turn of events, the true boss monster for the Seven Seas, as he is by himself an attacker that requires a 20k or more shield from your opponent per attack, making him the unofficial win condition for this deck.  Negrolazy seems like an odd addition, as getting a trigger back onto your board seems rather useless. It is. However, Negrolazy has great synergy with a grade 0 unit that we will be discussing in a little bit.  While the grade 2 line-up is quite great for what it does, the most important aspect to any Blitz/Aggro strategy lies within the Grade 1 line-up, as it needs to provide some sort of value/recursion to offset the early hand loss. The grade 1 units that we will be using are the following: Witch Doctor of the Seven Seas, Raistutor Seven Seas Helmsman, Nightcrow Skeleton Sea Navigator Witch Doctor of Powdered Bone, Negrobone

[AUTO](VC/RC):When its attack hits, choose one of your (VC) or (RC) without any Treasures markers, and put a Treasures marker. [CONT](RC):If there is a marker on this unit's circle, this unit gets "Intercept".

[AUTO](VC/RC):When its attack hits, choose one of your (VC) or (RC) without any Treasures markers, and put a Treasures marker. [ACT](Drop zone):If you have a vanguard with "Seven Seas" in its card name, COST [Soul Blast (1) & retire a rear-guard not named "Seven Seas Helmsman, Nightcrow"], and call this card to (RC).

[ACT](RC):COST [[Rest] two rear-guards], and put five cards from the top of your deck into your drop zone.

[ACT](Drop zone):COST [Discard a card from your hand & put this card on the bottom of your deck], and call a grade 1 from your drop zone to (RC). If your drop zone has ten or more cards, you may call any grade instead. As you can see, all of the cards in our grade 1 line-up offer some form of utility, and it is as basic as it is good. Raistutor gives herself the ability to intercept, which works really well in conjunction with the Nightmist’s skill, as well as letting herself become a 20k backrow interceptor if there is a protect II marker on her circle. Nightcrow works really well while he is in the drop zone, as he can turn any unit on our board into a copy of himself for a soulblast. Also blasting the cards from our soul means more options in our drop zone, so he’s a fun addition that works well with the rest of the archetype. Skeleton Sea Navigator is our mill engine. Granblue decks love to put cards from the top of their deck in the drop zone to fulfill certain conditions or allow for more options. Since we cannot afford to put many cards that mill our own deck, as space is very tight, the Navigator allows up to mill ourselves for no cost at all. Negrobone is a powerful payoff for milling ourselves. Reviving a grade 1 unit isn’t awful since they provide us with value or more Seven Seas units for attacks, but his ability to be able to revive a unit regardless of grade means that we have another way to get our Slash Shades back onto the board. So these are our options for the grade 1 units, but don’t touch that dial, we have a consistency boosting grade 0 unit that helps us find the right Seven Seas units at the right time. (I’m too lazy to make a grade 0 introductory section for a single card)

[AUTO](VC/RC):When its attack hits, choose one of your (VC) or (RC) without any Treasures markers, and put a Treasures marker. [ACT](RC):COST [Bind this unit & put two cards from the top of your deck into the drop zone], and return a card with "Seven Seas" in its card name not named "Seven Seas Apprentice, Nightrunner" from your drop zone to your hand. He mills our deck, he reccurs cards, he gets revived from Negrolazy, he mops the floor, Nightrunner does it all. He is an excellent addition for our deck as he does pretty much everything that our deck wants to do, with an added layer of consistency. 

Decklist and Final Thoughts.

GRADE 3  x4 Nightmist Grade 2 x4 Nightspinelx4 Slash Shadex3 Negrolazy Grade 1 x4 Nightcrow x4 Raistutor x3 Skeleton Sea Navigator x3 Negrobone Grade 0 x4 Nightrunner 8 critical triggers (2 sentinels) 4 draw triggers (2 perfect guards) 4 heals1 Starting Vanguard This deck is one of my favorites. It’s a deck that provides a very unique and interesting take on what a “protect” deck should be, and it allows for some of the most hectic and fun board states compared to the majority of decks in general, not just budget decks. However, time has not been kind to this beauty, as it has been powercrept quite a bit compared to the other budget decks descussed previously. However, if you want a deck that, from the moment that you flip your vanguard over, is chaotic and hectic fun, as well as a very unique take on an aggro deck, look no further than Nightmist and his treasure-loving posse. Thank you all for reading ! If you have any questions or any suggestions as to what I should cover next, please don’t hesitate to contact me on Discord, I would be happy to hear any suggestions or ideas that you might have ! (Bloom#8890) That’s all for now, Cardfighters ! See ya next time. Bloom, aka thebudgetgarden.

[nalyria]

God Michael! 🤣🤣 I finished playing Shadows of Saintsfour about two days ago during the Freeplay event and my LI was Michael.

I played SOS awhile ago but didn't get pass season 1 because I thought the series was super predictable which made it boring, but WOW DID IT PICK UP IN SEASON 2, esp 3!!! I can't believe it got better within those 2 seasons. I thought the story would be dragging on for no reason, but was pleasantly surprised that season 3 and season 2 were tied together with 1. And they existed in one cohesive story! I can't believe that I would have never, and I mean NEVER, would have touched this story again if it wasn't for the Freeplay event. I completely underestimated this story... I would have missed out this gem. Now I see why this is one of the more well-liked and popular book of the app now.

That being said, I love Michael. No not love, I ADORE him. Seriously.

I never screencap game moments but I had to for Michael. I never felt so much adoration for a character that made me want to do this 🤣🤣. I love the romantic scenes between MC and Michael and the conflict that was presented in season 2. And his asshole-douchery flaw....

In his next line, he says he's worried about you. He's just worried, but still Michael, no need to bring your girlfriend's friend down. ESPECIALLY WHEN THAT FRIEND HAS BEEN WITH HER THROUGH THE THICK AND THIN THAN YOU DID IN SEASON 2 and 1!!! (ofc Michael saved MC's life in season 1, but Derek has been sticking with MC when Michael hasn't, which is alot)

However, his sweetness towards MC is altogether too much. I wish he had more interaction with her friends tbh. But now I present the last line (I think) and perhaps the best from Michael...

So sweet 💕. Gosh he is still fallen head over heels for us 😳😭 like the first time. The sex scene with him was also so sweet... the line said everytging about him is familiar, yet there is something new to discover. 🥺I love how protective he is of MC and how absolutely loyal he is to her. He runs away with her FFS!!!! He leaves a gang and family with an equally traumatized brother just to be with her. He leaves everything for MC and if that doesn't scream Bae material, I don't know what else. He is the epitome of a ride or die partner and I cannot, I don't think, can feel the same attachment to the other LI's in this book. Probably John though lol.

I was super anxious during the train station scene because I thought I didn't have enough points with Michael for him to run away with me and the writers made it seem so, so I tapped pretty fast, half reading the lines in trepidation. When I read that he actually came and then we held hands as the train departed... my heart... 😭💔💔💔💔 RC don't play with my heart like that 🤣🤣🤣

That aside, I wish Michael had a bigger role in season 1, 2, and 3. He did in season 1, but he stopped appearing frequently, esp in 2 and 3. I thought he would appear more often because he's MC's bf. And it would make more sense for both of them to search together. Even unromanced, it would still make sense for Michael to hang with MC's group because they're the only ones who are really actively looking for Bobby. This would have led to more dynamics and interest in MC's friend group..alas, this didn't happen. A missed opportunity IMO but I suppose his absence could be explained by this: he has his own life. Lol. Or a different way of doing things. Still doesn't really make sense to me, but oh well. I still very enjoy his route and his development nonetheless.

I also wish other LI's had more moments with MC. I heard Stephanie was sidelined, not sure though because it was as though the main love interests would only appear around the time our chosen love interest appears. Not sure how much that is true since in season 1 I didn't romance her. Strange how she barely appeared in my route though. I thought she would help us more or become part of the gang, but she didn't. Disappointed because I would have def liked another best friend besides Candy and again, more layer to the friend group. Her interaction with Michael would have def be interesting.

I also wish that non-romanced main love interests appeared more than the Black dragons. To me, I don't think their role fit with the story very well if you think about it. Luke and Stephanie def would. Stephanie's grandma is acquainted with Mrs. Hill and is a witch; Luke's family's hold over the cursed painting. I wish the black dragons' appearances were at least shared with the non-romanced ones. Like I wish I knew what Luke and Stephanie were up to in detail. It was seriously strange for Luke to not be around when Bobby was missing and that he never tried contacting us. In both seasons 2 and 3, I couldn't stop wondering what they were up to and missed them (although Luke drugged us lol).

So imo, the black dragons' role should def be less than Luke and Stephanie. Definitely weird, but it is what it is.

Speaking of the Black Dragon's, Aaron is a hot daddy. Like GOD DAMN. I couldn't help but flirt and kiss with him although I was scared that it might ruin my relationship with Michael 🤣🤣🤣. Cherry.. i would like cherry if he was drawn better. At first, I couldn't like him because of his sprite but his personality is ahh, so mischievous, I love it. I would have picked Aaron over cherry though LOL.

I would replay season 3 to romance them again, but the scenes are very few and I already played most of them. I'm just missing their final sex scenes really, so it's not really worth it to replay the entire season just to get their ending and final sex scene lol.

I can't bear to cheat on Michael with Aaron or cherry, I can't do him dirty like that. Like for FFS, Aaron married Luke's sister and we never, at least imo, build the same heart wrenching connection we do with Michael compared to them. And the fact that he freaking left everything in his life for 10 years to be with us!! Like nooo I can't!! 🤣🤣 there aren't enough scenes with the side characters to justify the cheating 🤣🤣 Michael is too gentle and sweet for the hurt.... but i did cheat on him with Derek HAHHAHA mostly because 1996 Michael wasn't available so I thought something happened so I was like ALRIGHT GUESS WE FUCKIN'. I was tempted to choose Derek over Michael because Derek has been with us more than Michael has. Not to mention, he really cares for MC. Wish there was a 3p ending with both of them 😭😭 they're both super loyal to MC and would lay their life down for her.

The same thing with John too. I can't bear to see Michael grieving over MC and MC picking John over him... can you imagine Michael dying and finally seeing his dearly desired dead gf in DreamWorld but only to see her gettin' it down with some guy who tried to kill everyone in the past? 🤣🤣🤣 nah man I can't do him dirty, especially when Michael saved us from the Faun. Speaking of that event, it was weird that there wasn't a conversation/consequence from Michael who saw John kiss us LOL. And he definitely heard us talking about the intimate moments we shared HAHAHAHA. Though, John's short route is terribly cute. I really enjoyed it tbh. Surprised that we didn't have any repercussions for cheating on Michael with him. Moving on, I watched his ending on YouTube and it was super bittersweet.😭

I honestly like his route a bit more than Aaron's. Or equally. Can't decide! Aaron's route is basically MC still in love with her old crush who used to intimidate her and was exciting since he's someone you wouldn't acquaint yourself with, especially as a young, inexperienced student. And then coming back as a mature woman, and still knowing that you're in love with him and he is still too, ah so cute. That moment you share with him in the snow on the swings 💕💕. Honestly I feel like that moment MC needed a proper adult figure to comfort her so that scene was a bit weird and made me think, hm, MC is probably crushing on him because he is older, hot, and is sort of providing a parental comfort to her lol. In my HC universe, MC crushes on him, but it quickly dies because she was vulnerable in the moment. I'm happy that that moment didn't escalate any further and that Aaron didn't chase MC unless MC did in the end. It would have been very weird because it would have been a moment where he, as an adult figure, take advantage of MC. Then again, it's fantasy/fiction. To each to their own eh? I still enjoyed it. I honestly could personally relate to the line where Mc says that the experience and age (something like this) provided comfort to her, so that moment felt awfully sweet to me.

In the end, there could only be so much you can push in in a story game app.

I still really enjoyed this story. Despite the flaws I pointed out, I love this story to every bits. I find this much more entertaining than SOTF, so I'm glad that it is written the way it is. Perhaps I should write a post about SOTF in the future since I'm close to finishing it, but I don't think I will since I don't like it much.

[infraaa]

I HAD A FUCKING EXPLOSION THE OTHER DAY—

So if you follow me you know that sometimes I make Royal Chaos content. If you’re also a history geek like me you’d know that most of the heroes from RC if not all are based off of real people.

Six out of eight of the most beautiful people of Chinese history are in the game, being Pan’An, Song Yu, Prince Gao, who is also known as Lanling Wang for the men, and Diaochan, Zhaojun, and Yuhuan for the women.

The other two are missing: Wei Jie and Xi Shi.

But good news for you all because after some digging I found them. And they are SO CUTE! We need to make a petition for RC to put these characters into the game! I can DEFINITELY see the four most beautiful men and women having a connection with one another, like little hubs! 😫 But I know what you’re thinking now, maybe some of you. Royal Chaos shouldn’t take from other games! Oh, but my dearest reader, you do know that some of Royal Chaos’s characters are in different games too, right? It wouldn’t be “taking from,” now if they just stole the concept than yes it would be. It’s not like Sega took Mario and co for the Olympic Games, and Vice versa. It’s kind of like that in a sense. ☺️

So, with no further adieu, I bring to you...

✨Headcanons on what class they’d be in and what they can do, as well as background information!✨

Disclaimer: I’m terribly sorry if I spell any of this wrong, Chinese is not my first language and it’s hard to spell out in English. Also, tw // war and suicide mentions, as well as descriptions of murder and violence, just in case...

This is Xi Shi.

Her clothes actually remind me a lot of Diaochan’s with the colors, as well as the moon in the back, as per history, Diaochan was so beautiful the moon would shy away when being compared to her. Xi Shi on the other hand, was believed to be so beautiful that when fish would see her as they swam by, they would forget how to swim and sink to the bottom of whatever body of water they were swimming in. (Beauty can really kill huh?) Out of the four most beautiful women in ancient China, she was considered to be the first.

Her Background and Biography

Xi Shi was born in 506 BC on the nineteenth of July in China’s Zhejiang Province in a small village called Xi Cun, or “West Village.” Because a lot of people that lived there had “Shi” as a last name, and because she was born in the west, she was referred to as Xi Shi. She was born into a pretty ordinary household. Her father sold firewood for a living and her mother did silkwork. Ever since she was little, she would go out to this river to wash the silk that her mother had made. She lived during the Spring and Autumn Period, and within that time, China wasn’t a “whole country,” it was made up of several kingdoms fighting against each other. Xi Shi is from the state of Yue, which had been vanquished by the state of Wu. After that the Emperor of Yue, Gou Jian, was forced to serve the Emperor of Wu, Fu Chai, for three years. Gou Jian then thought of a plan to defeat the Wu State and take power back. He knew that the Fu Chai was a sucker for pretty women, and he also knew that if Fu Chai was surrounded with beautiful women, he would be too distracted to work for his state. But for this plan to work, Gou Jian needed to find a woman that had stunning beauty that was willing to sacrifice herself for the better of the country. Gou Jian found Xi Shi and he picked her. He then asked his minister, Fan Li, to take Xi Shi to Fu Chai as a tribute gift from Yue. On the way however, she fell in love with him, as he was wise and kind. He reciprocated her feelings in turn. Now, they could have escaped this plan and thwarted it but they were both loyal to their country. So, they made a pledge of their undying love for one another in secret. When she was brought before Fu Chai, he was indeed entranced by her, spending more and more time with her, neglecting his duties. After some time, he realized that he should not have been bewitched by her, as the Yue Stare had become more powerful due to his neglectful behavior. Gou Jian had invaded the state of Wu and forced Fu Chai to commit suicide. When this happened, Xi Shi’s mission was complete. The ending that I choose to believe is that she reunited with Fan Li and she lived on with him after he quit his job as a minister. The other ending is really grim...

Her Class and Quality

Xi Shi could definitely be a scholar, an AOE especially. I can imagine that she could do something similar to that of Diaochan, despite her being a medic. She could impact the opposing formations’ abilities to put damage on the formation shes defending using a debuff, much like Daji can do. I can see her being a Defense Hero and possibly having strength in Control for all these reasons, as well as real history, helping her state in the face of despair. She could be considered as a fabled hero, but could also be an epic hero considering the bloat of the fabled class making up mostly half of the hero cast as a whole.

Her Possible Abilities

Chant of Heroism

She can attack anywhere from 4 to 8 times descending on CRIT, dealing 60%+164 DMG to a random front enemy with each hit, lasting one round. Until three layers are tagged, the enemy will lose anywhere from 15 to 25 HP, decreasing DEF by 4%.

Promising Honor

50:50 chance of tagging a back or front target. Allies then force attention to the front if the tag is in the back, dealing 5% more damage. This tag cannot be dispelled for two rounds.

Her Preferred Gems and Treasure

Gems: DEF, ATK, ACC

Treasure: Primarily something with a DEF bonus, so the lamps, each one activating her Destiny ability. However, any other treasure that offers an ATK or RES bonus is also good.

Her Occupation

I can imagine her working in the Ministry of Defense as a General, much like Wen Ruyan. For her other occupation, she could be a poet of some kind, probably a primary or mid poet, something like that, or she could be a primary chess sage.

Hero Compatibility

She could work with other scholars that can do some damage, namely Song Yu and Ying Zheng. She could also work with medics depending on their skill set. Diaochan would be a prime choice.

~~~~

The guy on the right is Wei Jie.

Look at that cat! (´⊙ω⊙`) But for real, this poor guy. He reminds me of the “gentle giant” archetype. Not just because of his looks, no, he’s actually ill with some kind of disease. (I have a head canon that it’s AIDS/HIV, but I don’t have a lot of evidence to support that right now. All I know is that his immune system is very weak to infection and he has respiratory problems and it’s just that he’s very weak overall...) Despite his health however, he’s actually compared to Jade, being like a jade doll. Jade is very valuable in China and is considered to be a very precious stone, especially in the eyes of aristocrats and royalty. Out of the four most handsome men in ancient China, he was considered as the fourth.

His Background and Biography

(I had to use multiple resources for this, I couldn’t find a lot of information on him, so I had to get creative. Sorry!)

Wei Jie, like Pan’An, also lived during the Xi Jin (Western Jin) Dynasty. He was born into a very wealthy household, and was recognized for his beauty alone at the age of five. His uncle, who also had extraordinary good looks, said that walking with his nephew was like “having a gleaming pearl at my side.” He had fans from far and wide, causing chaos and the forming of something along the lines of a twisted harem to form under his shadow. When Wei Jie grew up, this only got worse. Hoards of women would literally block the streets and chase after him because they all wanted him so badly, which this caused a lot of backlash onto his family. Because his family was aristocratic, they had to keep a sensible reputation. People were jealous of the Wei family because of the immense wealth and beauty that they all possessed. Luckily, Wei Jie couldn’t go out that often, as he doesn’t have a strong body, and has been ill since his infancy. He wasn’t allowed to go out during his childhood because of the fear that whatever ailment he had could spread. Because of this belief and the immense jealousy that others had, most of his family, with the exception of his father, fifth uncle, and cousin, were all murdered quite brutally. This lead him to be the young master of the Wei Manor. This pattern of not going out a lot and things continued on for some time. He would go out on occasion if he really needed something, and he didn’t necessarily like all the attention he brought to himself unknowingly. He grew easily overwhelmed by it and constantly sought to get away from the large groups of people that swarmed him. This anxiety and stress of attention exhausted him, and he actually passed from all that exhaustion. He was “watched to death,” as people said. Poor guy... he just wanted to be alone... let us introverts be!

His Class and Quality

Oh, he’s a medic, for sure. I know also that he was an imperial physician in the game I found him from, but he only worked on commission, if that makes sense, like if people actually wanted to be treated by him. He would kind of be like a better version of Shizhen. Very agile and quick, but also the more you get to him, his attack rate can slowly increase. I can see him being some kind of control hero. Back Support too, that would make sense. So control + support. He would be in Fabled Class, definitely. Props to him!

His Possible Abilities

Jade Solstice

Chanting a medical spell from his calabash gourd, he can stun a front line enemy for one round, lowering 20 rage. If a critical is achieved, they will turn chaotic and attack other members of their formation for one round, taking away 15% of the enemies overall DEF and then giving it to his other formation members.

Internal Grace

Shielding himself using the gourd’s energy, he gains 10% RES. Any rage prompted attack he makes will grant him 2% more ATK bonus points for one round, increasing the formation’s overall CRIT by 10%. This can be layered twice and cannot be dispelled or immune to.

His Preferred Gems and Treasure

Gems: HP, CRIT, ATK

Treasure: To increase damage while keeping DEF, use the stamps. However, any CRIT or ATK bonus treasure is good too, just as long as it buffs his accuracy as well!

His Occupation

This is where it got tricky. I would assume he would work alongside Pan’An in the Ministry of Rites where they would compose poems together. It’s just that since he can’t actually go out too much that’s where it gets a little complicated. He could probably act as some kind of moderator or something along those lines, something where he wouldn’t have to deal with people that much.

Hero Compatibility

He would need strong tanks to help him out. Prince Gao, Prince Jing, or even Xiang Yu would be good for him. He would also want heroes that would boost his abilities even more, gotta have that support, you know? Wu Zetian, Yuhuan, or Pan’An would be good choices.

~~~~

Now for the final part...

✨Connections✨

Xi Shi

I think they’re’s already a connection that has Zhaojun, Diaochan, and Yuhuan in it. I would take that and add Xi Shi into the connection, but also bring her attributes to the table, in summary. What I mean by that is take her attributes and summarize them into one. So her strongest asset would be the fact that she could be an AOE with a control bonus. She could add ACC and DEF to the table to help with your formation if activated.

Wei Jie

Just like the ladies, I know there’s already a connection with Pan’An, Song Yu, and Prince Gao in it. Same deal, take it, put him in it, and add his summarized ability. He could be a Medic with strength in CRIT. So, he could bring CRIT to the table, obviously, as well as extra ATK buffs if activated.

~~~~

To conclude, *coughs as if to clear throat* Xi Shi, Wei Jie. We need to add them. The quartets aren’t filled up yet. Wouldn’t it be a surprise for them to finally come together in gorgeous matrimony as the queens they are? All heroes are queens. Plain and simple, not matter how awful their skill sets may be at times. (We see you, Shizhen. You matter, even though his skill set isn’t the best he’s still kinda great 😅)

[carmennogales]

Six fan art challenge!

This one took longer than expected, sorry! But thank you for your suggestions! I got more than six, so I ended up deciding which ones to draw. In this case, I decided to draw those I have never drawn before (except maybe one?), also those of which I really felt like drawing, to really enjoy the challenge.

First one is Shaoran Li! I got asked for my favorite Card Captor Sakura character. I have in fact drawn him in the past, many years ago, but as his version in Tsubasa RC. It's been a while... I really loved him in CCS and how his character developed in the series. My childhood series.

I got a request for Jane Eyre! This one surprised me because it was the only one that was from a book. Sadly, I haven't read it yet... Now I feel like giving it a try someday after the research I did of her!.

Next one was Usagi Tsukino. I couldn't help drawing her as Sailor Moon instead, and making her more rounded!.

Legoshi from Beastars. I chose this one because I was about to start watching this anime when I got this suggestion, and I thought it was a curious coincidence. Also a different kind of character for the challenge.

Next suggestion was Asuka from Neon Genesis Evangelion. I watched this series for the first time years ago, and I was able to re-watch it again being older. Is she looking at Shinji?.

Last one, but not least is Leo from Fire Emblem Fates. I played the game a while ago and I couldn't help to finally draw him for the first time. At the end I drew him as a child, and not older as he appears in the game.

Challenge created by @mcapriglioneart ... But I had to choose six in the end. Hope you like them!.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

[midorimochi]

Post-canon Fashion & Hair Styling: hair, clothes and the biggest head-scratcher 🗣️❓

One of the major head-scratchers this game got me was the detail related to the characters' clothing.

While all of us spent time wondering how the cast appeared as SHSL Despair in those that could only be edgy™ clothes, - because brr brr Despair - it's not weird for the cast to actually appear in the game in what seem to be "normal" clothes anyone could wear in any day, (except for Mioda who has quite the unique style) because I think the only kind of despair none of them would love to feel even in canon is the despair of being dirty and to smell. So yup, these people do bath and do change their clothes from time to time.

That being said, at first I assumed they wore "chill" clothes because those were clothes they could have used to wear quite often before getting the HPA uniform - thus the avatars could have been built with memories of especially beloved and older clothes - but the game does show Ko in his "in-game" clothes before the game itself really started, doesn't it?

Chapter 0

Chapter(s) 1 (-5)

So it's not weird to see most of them wear the same clothes after the game.

But how does this work on Hinata's case?

Why does he - as Kamukura - wear the Reserve Course uniform and why does he still have his hair so long when he's seen on chapter 0...

...while the flashback pre-HPA does rightly show Hinata with the uniform of his previous high school,

but at the end of the game it's like nothing ever happened and he still looks like above?

Where does the old uniform come from if he wore the RC one?? What about his hair?

I know this post may be unnecessary but I was thinking about this because I did see people speculating on this matter, plus, I saw art and headcanons where once Hinata woke up, he cut or had someone cut his hair for him as a symbolic gesture of him "cutting" off with his past as Kamukura, but what if he didn't need to cut his hair at all?

I mean, I know this is only a "general picture" but

none of the girls wore trousers in the game so this "random shape" could possibly belong only to one of the boys, plus it's the clearest shadow you can see here, not to mention that out of all the boys the one who resembles it the most is Hinata, even if you go by exclusion. 

Keeping in mind the type and shape of clothes as well, it obviously can't be someone like the Impostor, Nidai or Hanamura who had different and peculiar body shapes, it can't be Kuzuryuu because his shadow would look shorter, it can't be Komaeda, Souda or Tanaka because their hairstyles are rather discernable (plus Souda wears a cap which this shadow doesn't seem to wear for what is possible to see) and we can't see the antenna because not the whole head is visible but out of all the male students, Hinata's hairstyle, body shape and clothing are the ones who could match with this picture the best.

The thing is, you can style your hair differently, you can dye it ("What about his color hair, tho?" I wondered, but I believe Kamukura's hair being black was established mostly for the sake of... antagonistic-ish aesthetic...), you can use colored lenses or you can grow in height, but your face is still your face. Not only this, but the name Kamukura Izuru has also been hidden according to canon (with the Despair Twins possibly being the only ones to be aware of it, HPA scientists aside) and the DR trio wasn't certain about his existence either, but why were they more surprised at Hinata being Kamukura that Hinata existing at all?

I guess that Kamukura never used his name outside of HPA. I doubt he ever introduced himself to anyone and he may have been only seen in his appearance and not known as a person.

During the investigation on chapter 6, on the subjects list hint the name used is Hinata Hajime, not Kamukura Izuru and while this was made on purpose because Monokuma lies sometimes/to not get Hinata immediately suspicious/to not spoil the plot twist on his identity, the DR trio seemed to have known Hinata as Hinata in the simulation.

That being said, I believe not only Kamukura didn't introduce himself as Kamukura Izuru, but he hadn't introduced himself at all.

If he's been seen wearing the RC uniform when the Naegi&Co found him, they may have simply thought he was a survivor of the RC students' mass suicide who had been either brainwashed or traumatized 'til the point of mutism, even, since he seemed to always stay silent (not to mention he really had nothing to say to the FF members, either), which could be why the DR trio thought to include him to the Hope Rehabilitation Program.

The RC uniform is rather generic, though, so perhaps they guessed it was an ex-HPA student because 1) he may have looked his age; 2) he may have been seen either following or observing the other SHSL Despair members or even standing close to the ex-HPA building.

They may have only known he was A) an ex-HPA student; B) a former HPA student from the RC; who C) was still very likely to be an SHSL Despair himself.

So how did they know Hinata as Hinata? Simply because he introduced himself as such in the simulation.

Why did Naegi and Kirigiri not believe he could be Kamukura? Because they probably observed him in the NWP, they related to him as one of those who did most of the work to investigate and solve the mysteries of the murder cases and - especially on Naegi's side - sympathized with him to a certain degree (I mean, Komaeda used his skills to mess with the results, Nanami was an A.I...) learning to consider him someone absolutely incapable of doing something such as killing. This may also explain why Naegi seemed to rely on him (okay Hinata is the protag and Naegi trusts everyone but still, Hinata-kun).

Plus, if the SHSL Despairs decided to enter on the NWP on their own, it's also possible they took some sort of "distance pact" to fully fulfill the role and play the part by agreeing to wear old clothes or that Kamukura anonymously ordered all the others to do so, somehow. If this was the case this would also imply he'd try to recreate his old appearance but how would he find information about his previous self?

If any info on him has been hidden/deleted to prevent anyone knowing anything about him, wouldn’t it make sense to also hide/delete the information about the Kamukura Izuru Project subject as well? 

Not only that, but even if Kamukura has been described as a totally different person, he’s just an amnesiac Hinata with many talents but with no emotions, so he couldn’t know anything about Hinata by himself even if he tried because he couldn’t remember. 

That is, unless he did some research/investigation by himself or has found a random lead because of his SHSL Luck and if this is the case, he may have paid a lil’ visit to HinaMom and HinaDad just to pick his old uniform, following the DR trio, traveling to Jabberwock Island by boat with Ko, taking some private time (?) to cut his hair and to change his clothes (?) and then, he may have lied down on the NWP pod.

If that was the case, there was no need for the NWP to overwrite anything in his body - appearance-wise - in the first place, plus, it could also be likely due to his analytic skills for which he could foresee he’d have needed to change his appearance to revert to his old one since the beginning. Perhaps this could also explain why did his own avatar wear Hinata’s previous high school uniform, too?

This problem could also be applied to Saionji’s avatar, hairstyle and clothing.

Why is it that the kimono she wears and her hairstyle in the game are different compared to her kimono and her hair in the newspaper article photo after her growth spurt?

Did she wear an older kimono for the sake of having the NWP building her avatar according to her younger self with the kimono she used to wear most of the time? Maybe her favorite older kimono? The one she deemed more appropriate? Did she style her hair in two pigtails for the same reason?

If that's the case, was it even possible for her to still have such an old kimono?

The point is, how did she wake up, exactly? Did she wake up with a kimono that was too little for her body shape?

If she didn't, did she have a spare kimono in case she'd wake up Enoshima-fied or did anyone have to sew a newer kimono on purpose to prevent her from getting exposed at her awakening? Did she change her hairstyle and her accessories later?

[thewritenerd]

This Life and the Other: NaNoWriMo Day 5

(cw for brief mentions of child abuse and transphobia)

My mind started racing, this could be my chance. I turned back to Apolo and Ezra. ‘Hey do either of you think you can throw a ball hard enough to knock someone out?’ I asked. Ezra shook his head while Apolo looked thoughtful. ‘Maybe with my telekinesis, depending on what kind of ball it was. Why?’ I shook my head. ‘Can’t tell you now. Just make sure you come to the break room after class okay?’ They looked uncertain but nodded. ‘Okay. We’ll be there.’

The day seemed to drag more then it usually did. Which was really saying something. I tried to focus on my work, hoping if I got my grades back up I could stop my lessons with Dr Gjorgiev. But my mind was too busy focussing on my plan. It was a risky plan that would require cooperation from my friends in both worlds but it may be the only way for me to be there when we break into the Pound. When we were finally allowed out I headed to the break room, Ezra and Apolo following close behind. Once we were sat at a table in the corner I told them about the plan to break into the Pound on earth and how I needed to be asleep here in order to be there. ‘Only problem is it seems time is reversed there. So when it’s night there it’s day here.’ They looked uncertain but nodded. ‘And what does that have to do with me?’ Apolo asked. ‘If you throw a ball at me with enough telekinetic force to knock me out I might be able to stay awake on earth.’ ‘How long would you need to be out?’ Ezra asked. ‘I’d say six hours minimum.’ Apolo still looked uncertain. ‘Are you sure? That’s a long time and you know my aim’s not great.’ ‘Yeah and don’t you guys have really thick skulls?’ Ezra asked. ‘Like I’m pretty sure I read somewhere Railon’s are evolved from something like deer. So their skulls are really thick from when they used to fight with their horns?’ ‘Like deer? You mean keeker?’ Apolo looked thoughtful. ‘I guess they do look a bit like deer. But to answer your question Saren and my skulls are a bit thicker than yours, but we’re only 14 so they’re nowhere near as thick as an adults.’ ‘Anyway do you think you can do it?’ I asked Apolo. ‘I guess it could be worth a try. But it’ll be a risk.’ ‘What’ll be a risk?’ a voice pipped up making us all jump. Turning around I saw Kido standing there staring at us. The three of us exchanged glances. ‘The prank we’re planning to pull tomorrow.’ I lied. ‘A prank?’ Kido asked his eyes shining. ‘Yeah that’s right.’ Apolo agreed catching on. Ezra looked confused. ‘But we weren’t talking abou…’ he began, before being cut off by a kick in the shins from me. ‘Yeah we’re planning on pulling a prank on our classmates tomorrow.’ I continued. ‘Can I watch?’ Kido asked bouncing on my toes. ‘Sorry little buddy you’ll be in class,’ Apolo reminded him. ‘But we’ll tell you all about it when we’re done.’ He added when he saw Kido’s crestfallen face. Kido cheered up at that. ‘Hey Kido. Want to play a game with us?’ I asked him. He nodded. ‘Okay what do you want to play?’ He looked thoughtful. ‘You can pick.’ He said. ‘Okay let’s see. Do you know how to play Craydell?’ I asked. Kido shook his head. ‘Well I’ll teach you. Just wait there.’ I went off to fetch a pack of cards as Kido sat himself down on one of the chairs. The four of us played together until it was dinner time, after which Kido was sent to bed along with all the other little kids. Though I guess I didn’t so much play as sit beside Kido and help him.

On earth we decided there was no point in sending Cam, Lalita and myself back to the pound as we’d learnt pretty much everything we could. Instead we all sat together on the sofas trying to finesse our plan. I’d told them about my plan to be there and they agreed that tonight would be our only chance for the foreseeable future. Once we’d planned as well as we could it was decided Iesha and I would be sent to get supplies for the break in. We headed to a shopping centre the opposite direction to the Pound.

‘So we need torches, some batteries,’ Iesha began reading the list. ‘Walkie talkies, umm… floor cleaner?’ she looked uncertain.

‘To knock people out I guess?’ I suggested.

‘Like in the movies? Does that actually work?’

‘In a way. It’s not as quick as in the films though. It would take like 5 minutes give or take.’ She looked back down at the list.

‘My breath would be quicker.’ She mumbled. Or at least I think she mumbled. It could have been her mask covering her face. She was wearing a white surgical mask with yellow polkadots over her mouth, which matched the daisy hair clips she wore in her braids. Apparently she wore it whenever she was in a crowded area in case she accidently started breathing poison gas, though it made it hard to hear her talk sometimes. She shrugged and stuffed the list into the front pocket of her dungarees.

‘Well we can get most of these things at the supermarket. But I’m not sure where we’re going to get six walkie talkies though?’  I looked around before spotting what looked like a map.

‘Over here.’ I gestured for her to follow before heading over. Looking at it I began to read the list of shops.

‘Any of these shops sound like they’d sell walkie talkies?’ I asked. Iesha reached up and pointed at the shop name labelled number 16.

‘There. It’s like a toy and novelty shop. If any place will have them it’ll be there.’ I nodded.

‘Right well it’s no where near the supermarket. So seeing how that’s closer we’ll head there first and then get the walkie talkies.’ I decided. We started heading to the supermarket walking past all sorts of shops. As I looked around, I couldn’t help but feel this place was familiar. Not like it reminded me of a similar place back on Kalreck. No it was as if I’d been here before a long time ago. So some things seemed different but the general lay out felt like I knew it. I considered bringing this up to Iesha but decided against it. There was already so much we needed think about it wouldn’t be fair to burden her with my weird subconscious thoughts. We bought pretty much everything we’d need there before heading to the novelty shop. I hadn’t been sure what she’d meant by that but when we walked in it sort of clicked. The shop sold all sorts of things, party games, rc cars and helicopters, neon lights, lava lamps, pop culture figurines, boards games, stuffed toys, books and quite a few other things.

‘I found them!’ Iesha announced rushing over to a wall of electronics and grabbing a pack of two walkie talkies.

‘Wow these are a little pricey. Do you think we can afford three pairs?’ I peered at the price tag.

‘I’m not sure? Are those the only ones they have?’ We walked along the wall trying to see if there were any other options. Near the end I spotted some brightly coloured walkie talkies for kids that seemed to be half the price.

‘What about these?’ I asked picking them up.

‘I’m not sure let’s see the back.’ I turned them round and we read the list of features. ‘Seems good to me.’ Iesha said. I nodded in agreement reaching to take two more.

‘Right let’s pay for these and head back,’ I said heading towards the checkout. Iesha followed me but stopped when she spotted a large display of what looked like hand sized fluffy balls.

‘They have Fluffle Buddies!’ She cried picking up a blue one.

‘Um what?’

‘Fluffle Buddies. They’re these reversable stuffed toys. You can either have them as a ball or,’ She unzipped the zipper and turned the ball inside out revealing a small blue creature with big plastic eyes and a tail. ‘A little creature like this wolf.’ She was beaming from ear to ear as she looked at the thing in hands. ‘Isn’t it adorable?’ I looked at it thinking it looked a little weird to me. The eyes seemed to stare at me, and its face was a little squashed. Not too mention it looked like a round  head with a tail sticking out the back.

‘I guess…’ I said not wanting to hurt her feelings.

‘I used to have one of these. A little pink penguin. I called her Maya’ She continued undeterred by my non comital answer.

‘What happened to it?’ I asked. She sighed setting the fluffle back down on the display.

‘My mum found it one day when she was looking through my room. She showed it to my dad and he made me watch him set it on fire. I remember when I started crying and begging him to stop he just yelled “I’m not having my son playing with a fucking girls toy”.��� Her smile was gone and she seemed to be trying to make herself as small as possible.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said. What else could I say? I looked back at the display thinking. Somewhere in my bag I’d found a bag of money. I wasn’t sure how much it was but it seemed a fair amount. Before I could change my mind I grabbed the blue Fluffle and a pink one and started heading to the cash registers.

‘What are you doing?’ Iesha asked following close behind. I ignored her and place the three walkie talkies and the two Fluffle Buddies on the counter in front of the cashier. Once she’d scanned the toys I handed them to Iesha.

‘Here you go.’ Her eyes started to water as she took them from me and clutched them close to her chest.

‘Thank you.’ She said quietly. The cashier gave a sympathetic smile before turning to me to tell me my total. The whole walk back she was clutching them close to her chest. I looked at her thinking how this was the first time I’d seen her act her age. If I didn’t know better I’d think she was just like any other 12 year old girl, not a homeless mutant planning on breaking into a top secret facility.

‘Hey Saren can I ask you something?’ Iesha asked.

‘Uh yeah sure.’

‘Do you like Ronnie?’

‘Um yeah. I mean we’re friends.’ She shook her head and laughed.

‘No I mean do you Like her. Because she likes you.’ My heart skipped a beat. Ronnie liked me? The coolest girl I knew liked me.

‘How do you know that?’ I asked her.

‘Well she stood up for you yesterday. Normally when there’s a fight she just watches. So the fact she stepped in shows she must like you. Also I’ve seen her flirt with you multiple times.’ I looked at her and she looked back with her dark grey eyes. Everything about Iesha’s appearance is dark. Her hair, her eyes, even her skin. Usually when humans describe someone as having “black” skin they mean various shades of brown. But Iesha’s was the closest to the actual colour I’d ever seen.

‘So do you like her?’

[xluckytheninjax]

Watch Dogs {2} - An OC

Wondered whether Watch Dogs OCs are a thing.And they are - there aren’t a lot of ‘em,but eyyyy.Thus,I threw my OC in the Watch Dogs world.I mixed it with some altered Need For Speed Undercover backstory because why not.I am aware NFS:U doesn’t take place in SF,but it does take place in a fictional area near a beach with big skyscrapers so yeah,moved it to SF. I personally love NFS:U,because well,not even two minutes into the game and I already have at least 6 police cars on my tail.Along with that,some South African background cause well….that’s my homeland.Pretty great hellhole over here.

Have a drawing {Don’t repost/remove all this writing/claim as your own/you know the drill} and some random BS I wrote down playing WD 1 and 2 at like 11 PM/midnight/1 AM over the weekend.

I am ready for anything,anyone that wants to bitch about this or argue about stuff.

This is obviously OC stuff,so if you dislike it,feel free to go look for another post or blog or whatever the hell you want to do.

I used a reference for the ‘pose’ {I wouldn’t call this a full-on pose,but -shrugs-}

Name ‘n’ surname: Kayla Horizon

Screenname/Hacker alias: N1nJ4 {Ninja}

Nicknames: Ninja,Kay,Lucky,Ghost

Age: 23 years old

Gender: Female,of course

Personality:

Stubborn

Cares a lot for her family,friends and workpals {who’re also friends}

Loyal to DedSec

Not easily influenced 

Quiet

Overthinks everything

Sarcastic

Not easily intimidated {Or so she claims}

Happy with what her life is,even between all the stress and overthinking.

Has some trust issues.The type where she gets this feeling in her gut telling her whether a person can be trusted or not.She trusted her workpals immediately,she trusted Ray immediately…as an example of who she didn’t trust,Horatio’s co-worker.And she wasn’t even on that mission.

Usually keeps things that wouldn’t be important to the current objective(s)/mission(s) to herself

It’s a good thing her face is blurred out like the others’,cause she’s camera shy.She hates getting photos taken of her,she hates looking at the camera…unless of course,she’s the one taking a photo of scenery or of friends.If you’re gonna point a camera of any sort to her face,she will not hesitate to break it.

Very protective over the things and people she cares about.So,you wreck her car? You insult DedSec or target her pals? You mess with Sitara’s artwork? You kidnap other DedSec members? Mess with DedSec’s systems? You mess with her dog or drag her family into things you shouldn’t?  You better start running then,pal.And make it fast.

Trained herself to not cry in front of people.It’s harder than it looks.Anger also gets bottled up.One day she’ll snap….probably.Then all chaos and hell will break loose.

Loses a lot of sleep thinking

Stresses over nothing

Introvert

Reckons anything can be solved by an asskicking

Takes her job seriously,but,in between she likes messing with people

Claims she doesn’t care,but she cares too much

Honesty,loyalty,respect and trust are big things to her.As explained before,she follows her gut on who to trust and who not.If you’re gonna betray DedSec,you might end up dead.Everybody lies,it’s human nature,but that’s where trust and loyalty comes in with honesty.The three walk hand in hand,really.Respect? You respect her,she respects you,as easy as that.

Might seem really confident,and she really does seem to be that way,but in reality,her self-esteem is pathetic

-Because she keeps a lot of things to herself,a lot of her personality remains a mystery.

{At least half of these are some of my personality traits}

Working for: DedSec,what did you expect? She was going to go work for those dumbass monkeys,or the rat cult? Pff,nah.

Hair color: Original hair color is dirty blonde Currently ombre:Brown - Dirty blonde - Blonde

Hair style: Long hair,shaved shorter on the right side.Leaving it loose or tying it in a ponytail or something depends on how she’s feeling,and whether it’s mission time or not.Can’t work if you’ve got hair in your face.

Eye color: “Not every day you see someone with heterochromia.” Left eye is blue,right eye is green

{My persona’s had this since she got created a million years back so obviously,no matter what universe she’s in,she’s always gonna have that.}

Height: 5'11

Piercings/Tattoos:

A lot of ear piercings on both sides,and a tongue piercing

A bunch of stars on her left wrist,a small 'x’ on top of her right wrist,and a ’=D’ on her back {right shoulder}

Scars and other skin-related things:

Huge scar through her left eye,and a small one through her lip on the right.There are some other faint scars here and there,nothing too major though.

Lots of freckles

Any other dayjob?: Works at a huge gaming store on some days {Every second day except for weekends}.It’s just a temporary job for now.She ended up applying for some programming job,like her parents wanted.Just waiting to hear back.

Romance?: Single,no crushes or anything of the sort. “Had to leave everyone behind since we moved here….went to uni,didn’t find anyone that’s my type…and some things that happened in the past leave me in this state where I am against romance I guess? Not like an abusive relationship or heartbreak or anything like that…just things I’m not gonna talk about.”

Cars:

 -Personal car is the Ford Ranger truck she got ported in from home. It’s white with black decals and raptor kit.The thing’s a beast.

{Hope to drive one of these some day}

-Other car she keeps in the garage is the Lotus Elise she used to streetrace with.Purple with a white stripe down the middle.This thing is upgraded to the max {of course what garages can do,plus some things only a hacker can pull off}.Best part is,it doesn’t look like it belongs on the /shittycarmods subreddit.

{My NFS:U car on both PC and Playstation}

-During the day,while on missions,she has some randomass car/truck/four wheeler/motorbike she 'borrows’ or the one car she’s been putting some DedSec decals on {Sitara’s design,of course}….Then there’s the DedSec police cruiser too.

{While playing I prefer chopper bikes,the DedSec police cruiser,this car that looks like a Mustang and the movie car the bunch stole}

Pets: She has a Great Dane named Trompie.Her parents watch the dog during the day {or night depending on missions} and if she has to stay at the Hackerspace/work on missions all day,she takes him along.He behaves,and doesn’t annoy anyone…unless he sits on the couch.He’s got his own little space,with food,water and a blanket to sit on,plus newspapers.Even got toys.He’s 7 months old,and like his owner,he has heterochromia.The name’s Afrikaans,since well,can’t forget your roots,can ya? Wears a DedSec bandana over his collar.Pretty smart,but he has a thing for chasing after the drones and little RC rovers.Was not a big fan of Wrench Jr.

It took a few weeks for Wrench to get used to the dog.He didn’t even notice it until it was lazing on the couch next to Mickey while she was working.It was a scene to experience.

He doesn’t go along on missions for obvious reasons {Micks doesn’t want him to get hurt/killed…and she’s pretty sure he’d be in the way…or set off an explosive or something}.

{-shrugs- One of the best parts of Watch Dogs 2 is being able to pet the dogs.}

Some history: Born South African,moved to San Francisco.Parents also in SF,while sister moved to South Korea with a friend.Been living there for 5 years.Hacking’s been a big hobby since she was younger.She kept it a secret from her parents,to avoid being lectured and banned from her computer.Big gamer since she was a teenager.Became an intern at a police station while still at university.It doesn’t make sense why an IT student would decide on working at a police station,but eyyy,whatever.Got promoted for solving some huge computer related cases through hacking.Two years back she was called to investigate something not even closely related to hacking computers.They reckoned she would be able to handle it.Went undercover.Had to take on dangerous 'jobs’ and compete in races in order to infiltrate and take down a ruthless international crime smuggling syndicate, consisting of illegal street racers and car thieves.She ended up leaving her temporary job because of the amount of times the police chased after her for street racing,resisting arrest and all the property damage.Y'know,going too deep undercover.Wrecked a lot of cars,got rid of a lot of thugs,hacked a lot cameras,streetlights and other things to finish her job and to get away.After that was over,she made sure to erase all of that off her profile on the ctOS database.Had to do a lot of things,a lot of dangerous things,to get noticed by DedSec,and eventually got in.It wasn’t really necesary that she put her life in danger like that,but she did anyway.Go big or go home…I won’t go much into detail about that because I haven’t thought as far.

{This mess….I’ll fix eventually.It’s random,it doesn’t make sense,it isn’t how real life works,but whatever.}

Clothing {aka rambles about clothes}:

Has a variety of beanies,snapbacks and caps

Has one pair of sunglasses,aviators,as the rest got broken

She wears glasses,unless out on missions

Has a lot of t-shirts and hoodies

Has a fair amount of long sleeved shirts

Has a lot of jeans,shorts and sweatpants

Owns a few pairs of sneakers and track-shoes,and two pairs of combat boots

Has a few bandannas/masks

Has literally one fancy shirt she wears with a vest,bowtie,black pants and sneakers

Went to Swelter Skelter as some sort of glow in the dark Matryoshka-fied skeleton

Doesn’t wear any jewelry apart from her piercings and some random bracelets

Carries a shoulder bag which is clearly bigger on the inside {otherwise,how would you fit a laptop,drone,RC rover,and some other stuff in there?} With some badges and Dedsec decals

Hoodies are 60% of the time oversized

PJs are a random t-shirt and boardshorts {Onesie in the winter over that}

Has a hoodie that says 'Ghost’ and '07’ on the back {Aka my favorite Mystery skulls song and lucky number}

Random shiz: And this is the part where those who hate self-insert but still decided on reading should go to another post.This is where stuff gets worse {Not angsty worse…Just more self-inserty}.This is also where stuff starts making less and less sense since this is where I went sleep-deprived mode {1AM-2AM writing hour}

Main hangout is the main Hackerspace from the game.Second being the Silicon Valley one.

Has gone on some missions with Marcus {the ones where multiple things need to be done or where it’s going to take more than one person to do,but it’s only one thing that needs to be stolen/hacked}.

When looked at with the profiler her profile says

ctOS.exe has stopped responding

Memes 'n Dreams

How 'bout nah

Also does the parkouring,climbing high buildings and messing with cranes

Likes the skeleton Dedsec paint on her cars/motorbikes

Almost shot Lenni quite a few times -  too many witnesses stopped her from doing so

Finds it entertaining to help Wrench {he’s a really amusing guy to be around,alright?}

Graffiti is great

Reckons a 'Josh protection squad’ should be made {Don’t harass him,pls}

Went on a mini murder and cop-calling spree after the Tezcas killed Horatio.Also caused a lot of fights between gangs to try wiping them out

Sees Ray as some sort of cool hippie uncle

Doesn’t smoke but always has a lighter to set stuff on fire if needed

Named her drone and rover she printed.Harvey for the rover and Zippy for the drone.Why,you might ask? Why not? Their names are painted on the sides of them. 

“There’s another reason I get called Ninja.It’s not just the screenname.“

Sneaking/Stealth skill +100

Parkour skill +90

Agility +87

Speed +85

Martial arts and self defence +90

Even with skill,she’s really damn clumsy

Is sometimes going out on missions instead of Marcus,if Marcus needs to rest or recover.Goes on own little side missions as well

"First day on the damn job and I get my hoodie stolen by my workpal.”

When out on missions during the day,she wears a range of shirts/hoodies.On nightly missions she wears all black.

Weapons of choice are:

*Stungun

*SVD/other snipers {Including the Stun sniper}

*Shotguns

*Baseball bat

*Knives,especially flip knives

When hanging out at the Hackerspace {with nothing else to do} she’s sitting with her laptop or working on a PC.Either hacking,working stuff out,or searching useful stuff.

Her phone has a little charm hanging on the side.It’s a mini Deadpool logo

Always there to lend a hand

While she has told the others about the street racing stuff after first joining,she literally never talked about it again, hoping they’d forget

Isn’t one for cursing too much,but in some situations it’s needed to calm a person down…will not hesitate to swear in another language.

Fingerguns

Doesn’t drink coffee or tea,or hot chocolate.She drinks soda,lots of water,energy drinks from time to time {very seldom} and that’s about it.

Pepsi lover

Always carries one of her flip knives with her.

Hates alcohol,smoking and drugs.Thus,she doesn’t drink at all,she has never smoked,never done drugs or vaping or anything of the sort.

Never reveals location of her house or her parents’. Usually kills the cameras temporarily in the area when she’s driving home.

Night owl/always exhausted pigeon

Summer/Autumn person

Likes fire and setting things on fire {Do you know how great it is to set gangs’ supplies ablaze just to spite them?}

Also a fan of explosives.Don’t give her any though….she’ll probably blow stuff up she’s not supposed to.

Not that good a swimmer.She can swim well enough to keep herself from sinking,but she ain’t no olympic medallist.

Likes camping

Probably became part of the team a bit before our boy Marcus.A few weeks before,probably. {-dives behind barricade-}

Dislikes needles of any sorts….and thus,not a big fan of hospitals

References to movies/games/songs and puns 100%

Loves animals,and pets every single dog she can

Doesn’t have the cleanest resume.Street racing,property damage,murder,hacking,breaking into private property,stealing {data,high-tech weapons,etc},car theft,resisting arrest,the list goes on.

Wishes grappling hooks were actually a thing {simlar to those of JC3 or spy movies}

Loves Deadpool

Always has earphones in the ears if not listening to others talk or on missions,and still hears everything she’s supposed to around her. {I own this skill,so it ain’t impossible}

Loving the zombie apocalypse/post apocalyptic stuff

Loves drawing,that’s why graffiti is also great

While she dresses like a hipster/geek {with some badass Dedsec stuff in between} most of the time,she’s an emo/punk soul.

Can’t dance to save her life

Reckons that her haircut is shit,and that it’s the product from getting drunk with friends.Thus,the hate for alcohol grows stronger

Likes Vaperwave and Retrowave stuff

Avoids clubs of any sort

Mosquito magnet

Can program and reprogram a lot of things,such as robots,drones,hell,if she tries hard enough she might be able to do the same to cars,but building/rebuilding/re-engineering things…that’s difficult.The only building related skill she has is upgrading and modding her drone and RC rover,along with fixing up/upgrading/modding cars.

Learned a lot about cars while undercover.

Did some graffiti work for Sitara.Got a badass galaxy DedSec design on the side of some building.

Was very disturbed when that whole thing with the DedSec parody and strip club owner went down.Almost had a heart attack when Marcus told the bunch that the Bratva threw him in the trunk of a car that’s in the process of being crushed.

{My actual reaction to the No Compromise DLC}

When threatening people {Bad people,'course} she likes saying that she’s going to snap the person like a stick

House isn’t as big a mess as one would think {Compared to Ray’s old place/the silo and the motel room where Aiden lived before it got blown up}.The hacking related things,such as her computer,laptop,at least nine monitors,a ton of harddrives,etc,are in her room,and there’s no sign of anything of the sort outside of that.

Parents still oblivious,still don’t know she’s a hacker,still don’t know about her street racing ways.She prefers it that way….that’s why nobody sees the garage or bedroom.

Not a fan of attention,would rather keep a low profile and let her workpals get the fame.But of course,when there’s some bad stuff on DedSec,she won’t be afraid to show off her opinion and stick with the others

It’s great being sometimes-partners with Marcus

It’s also great going off on missions on your own

“Screw you,you son of a bitch.”

*Proceeds to flip person off as it’s the worst she’ll do before it switches to violence and knife threats*

“Viva La Resistance/Rebellion” in a really bad French accent

“You see this knife? It’s my knife. What I’m gonna do with it? Shove it down your throat if you don’t shut the hell up.”

“The name’s Dead Inside.How ya doin’?”

“You look like a terrorist.”

“I promise you,I am NOT a terrorist.”

“What are you then?”

“A ninja.”

“Are you some kind of weirdass goth person?”

“Nin-ja.”

She has abandonment issues,that’s why she prefers doing missions solo.Means she can’t lose anyone while on missions or get betrayed/left behind.

{Hm,guess who has those}

[dlamp-dictator]

Allen Rambles about Tokyo Ghoul

Okay, finished up volume 10 of Tokyo Ghoul, I’ll probably wrap up the series by tonight if writing fanfiction, original stories, and drawing don’t distract me and give my full thoughts then, but for now... I have several issues. I’ll try not to Ramble, but... no promises.

Allen, as of editing this post: TOO LATE, I RAMBLED SO I’M JUST GOING ALL IN NOW. GLAD I DIDN’T PROMISE ANYTHING.

Alright, so Tokyo Ghoul. I got into this series when the anime came out. For those unfamiliar Tokyo Ghoul explores on the ideas of the traditional ghoul, humanoid creatures that survive by eating human flesh. Basically, zombie vampires-type creatures. This story focuses on Ken Kaneki, a young college student that was turned into a ghoul after an encounter with a Rize Kamishiro, a powerful Ghoul that would had devoured him had she not died in an accident they were both involved with. From there, the story follows Kaneki as he learns about Ghoul society, both the good and the bad. 

I found the concept worth looking into, and the first few episodes of the anime was very impactful with how Kaneki was forced to adjust to his bad situation, learning he had to eat human flesh in order to survive and not starve, learning how Ghouls live in human society under the radar. I remember the anime being a little lackluster with it ending season 1 on a cliffhanger and season 2 practically plowing through the second half of the manga series, but since then I’ve bought the entire manga series... pre-:Re anyway. I wanted to take another look at this series and see if the anime fixed any of the issues I had with out. Sadly... it doesn’t, at least not yet. Like I said, I wrapped up volume 10 and I have 4 more books to go, but... I don’t think I’m going to be happy with how this story ends if certain questions don’t get answered.

With that all said, I wanted to cover some of the issues I had with the series so far, mostly to get them off my chest before going into what I’m assuming to be the climax of the series.

Kaneki forming his own faction

I don’t believe the anime answered this, but the manga indefinitely doesn’t tell me why Kaneki decides to not rejoin Anteiku and form his own faction of Ghouls instead. And it’s a really big deal that he does this too, so I was hoping I’d hear directly from his mouth why he did this. By not going back to Anteiku and making his own group, Kaneki has added a fourth major faction between his new group, Aogiri, Anteiku, and the CCG. Granted, Anteiku is less a faction as it is a coalition (yes, there is a differences), but the point remains that we have yet another group to keep track of with new goals. In a way... from a writing perspective, I understand why this was done. The Aogiri’s goals and aims are still mostly unknown, the CCG, while established, were slowly falling to the sidelines while Aogiri were being the antagonists, and Anteiku, again, was more a group of like-minded Ghouls rather than a faction making moves and getting involved with the politics of the story. For Kaneki to remain a central character, he had to do something big like this. It’s just... I’m not too comfortable with how it was done.

My issue of why Kaneki does this in the first place. Like... I can infer to why he’d want to branch away from Anteiku, but I don’t know. Just to catch some of you guys up to where I’m at, Kaneki had busted himself out of his Aogiri prison/torture and had beaten his captor to the point of near death. Before that, he was physically and mentally tortured for what I’m assuming was days or weeks to the point of nearly breaking. To break out, he had to accept the Ghoul side of him that he was repressing for about 6 volumes into order to summon his kagune and fight properly. This was also to finish his character arc and move him from being a shy, reserved bookworm to a capable and strong Ghoul able to protect himself and his friends. After this, he saves female lead and this series’s Best Girl, Touka Kirishima from being brutalized by her brother and then rejecting her offer to return to Anteiku, the coffee shop who’s workers consist of mostly peaceful Ghouls, to form his own faction instead because, and I quote: 

“There’s something I want to do. I need to prepare for it. I need to get stronger. There’s a lot I need to find out too. I don’t have time.” (Kaneki)

So... what exactly does that mean. I mean really, what does that explain? That sounds like something a generic shounen protagonist would say, and I would accept that if Kaneki was a 13-year-old spunky kid self-reflect, but Kaneki isn’t Gon Freecss, he’s a college kid reaching his early 20s, I’m gonna’ need more of reason than that. Kaneki was 13, this would be understandable, but he’s nearing 20 so this is esoteric at best, and childish at worse. I get that he was tortured and to the point of mentally breaking, but I’d rather him just leave and muse about his reasoning to himself then saying... that.  

Later on, around volume 9 I can slowly piece this line together. Kaneki wants to find out more about Rize’s existence, Dr. Kano, and the reason he was made into a ghoul in the first place. To do that, he needs more strength than what Anteiku can provide since they are mostly peaceful ghouls that are either unfamiliar, unwilling, or unable to delve into the underbelly of Ghoul society where the information he seeks lies. And he doesn’t have time to train himself in the traditional sense at Anteiku to get the strength he needs to learn these things, as what little traces of Kano and Rize could vanish due to the lack of information about their existence in general. This line makes sense now, but it was infuriating to deal with until then. It felt like Kaneki just left everyone hanging and everyone was... cool with it. Touka wasn’t, understandably, but still. I understand hiding things from the characters to keep them guessing, but I personally don’t like being left in the dark with things like this.

The Abundance of Characters and Perspectives

As of volume 10 there are about 23-26 characters of importance in the manga, and roughly 4 major factions that are actively involved in the plot of the story. That’s... a lot to cover in a series that has only four more volumes before the jump to :Re. The cast feels a tad bloated with it trying to keep all these characters in our minds. Personally, I’d rather just focus on Kaneki, Touka, and Hide as the main trio of perspectives, then occasionally move into the CCG with Amon and Akira with Juza and Shinohara as prevalent side characters, then (probably) to Ayato’s perspective when we need to see what our villains are doing.

Last time I talked about Tokyo Ghoul I said I liked how when we see the CCG’s perspective we get to see them work with the information they have and truly speculate on the situation and... well, investigate. Most of the investigators assumptions are usually in the ballpark of what we, the audience, know, but just missing enough pieces that it feels like it’s a true investigation is going on. However... now it’s getting a little tiring to read that. I’ll talk a little bit more about a pacing in a bit, but seeing their perspective and investigation process really makes things slow down and feels unneeded when gang wars and whatnot are happening in the background of Ghoul society. I care about Amon, Akira, and Hide’s situation, but... not enough that I need to view it with a fine-tooth comb as they chat about it over dinner.

Again, I feel like the main trio should have more focus, but... I digress.

Another thing this large cast does is take away focus from what I would consider the other perspectives we need to see. I said that I think the main trio in this story would be Kaneki, Touka, and Hide. Kaneki being the Ghoul slowly adjusting to Ghoul life and having the world-building explained to him as a surrogate audience member. Touka being a “typical Ghoul” that understand what the life of a Ghoul is like and a general badass for us to root for when the action happens. And Hide being a human perspective that reminds us that humans do exist and interact with Ghouls, as well as an outsider’s look into the CCG as of volumes 9 and 10. I think that would had worked well, but... this main focuses on Kaneki with some peeks at Amon and Juzu, which I think is a crying shame because Touka and Hide really need more screentime, Hide especially as I feel like the manga really wants me to like him, but hasn’t given me much reason outside of his friendly personality. Don’t get me wrong, I like that Hide is probably the only character that is a genuine nice guy, but since he’s rarely around or has little major relevance in the overall plot I... can’t like him as much as I think I should.

Ah, but moving on. Since I mentioned it before, let me just going into...

Pacing and World Building

I won’t say Tokyo Ghoul’s pacing is bad, but it does feel like it takes quite a long time to read as of these recent volumes. It’s mostly due to reading from multiple factions and perspective that I personally don’t care for when other things are going on that I’m interested in, but the world building plays a part in it too. 

I think Tokyo Ghoul has good world building, I think it has great world building. Everything that I want explained about the world is explained. I understand how and why Kagunes are a thing, I understand how and why Qinques are a thing, I know the importance of RC cells, I know the advantages and disadvantages of Kagunes and Qinques by their type, I know how CCG members are trained up. I think if I really wanted to, I could make a pretty decent Ghoul or CCG OC. And if people can make a decent OC that you actually see in the world of a show or series without breaking lore or canon, then that’s some damn good world building. My Hero Academia, RWBY, and One Piece do this well too. 

However... that world building can drag the pace of the manga to a crawl this late into the game. We really shouldn’t have anymore text dumps about lore and world anymore. The extra information about wards that haven’t be explored yet are... unneeded to me until our main characters actually go there. It makes some volumes and moments feel like longer reads than they should.

But moving on to my other issue.

Kano’s Motives

Doctor Kano’s reasoning behind turning Kaneki into a Ghoul are about as vague as Kaneki’s reasons for leaving Anteiku, and unlike Kaneki, I can’t piece together his reasoning yet. I still have about 4 volumes to go until I complete the series before :Re, but I doubt I’ll get a satisfying answer in that time. 

But let me quote the man himself before I go any further:

“Why do you think a caged bird can’t fly freely? It’s because the cage doesn’t belong to them. Who created this birdcage we call the world? That is the question.  I realized a warped cage entangles our world. I want to destroy that To do so, I need the most powerful means. In other words, ghouls.” (Kano)

Much like with Kaneki’s spiel, I feel like this is just... esoteric at best. Within the context of the manga, I don’t understand what Kano means by seeing the world as a cage. I can see the Ghouls thinking that way, as movement and general freedom on their end is practically nonexistent, but Kano... Kano is a human that has way more freedom to do as he pleases than Ghouls do. 

Much like with Kaneki I have my inferences about the meaning behind Kano’s words. Maybe he means that after working with the CCG he realizes the pointlessness of the system and how trapped both CCG and Ghouls are in the current state of things, and went to less savory means break the system. Maybe he’s forced to remain in Tokyo due to his work with the CCG and is making artificial Ghouls to cause enough chaos so he slip out in the confusion. Maybe Toyko is actually on some martial law lockdown and everyone really is caged in the literal sense, so be making artificial Ghouls he can scare the officials into canceling the lockdown.

Or maybe he’s just fucking crazy and that esoteric spiel was just that because he’s fucking crazy... if that’s the answer I’m honestly going to scream. 

I’m not sure, but the point is, this feels... contrived.

Other Issues I Have

I have a few more things to talk about, but I can’t talk about them as in length as the previous points, so I’ll just jot down my notes here.

I said it already, but it worth saying again, as of these later volumes past 8 I find myself caring less and less about the CCG side of things. That’s mostly my own personal investment (or lack thereof) in them, but still.

An issue I have with 90% of manga, but one stating nonetheless, female characters don’t really get much of a spotlight. Touka especially, who's starting to feel like a side character now that big moves and power plays are being made outside of Anteiku’s control. This is a crime as far as I’m concern since she just checks off so many things I like seeing in female characters. But most females don’t really get much development compared to the male ones. Again, this is an issue I have with most manga and anime in general, but Tokyo Ghoul is kind of proving my point.

Something I should had mentioned in the first part, but... Hinami staying with Kaneki bugs me quite a bit. I get why Hinami is with Kaneki, but I still don’t like the fact Kaneki didn’t kick her out for her own safety, especially with all his talk of wanting to protect people he cares about. He should know the dangerous of having a child in a faction of people combating Aogiri, the CCG, and sniffing around the underbelly of Ghoul society. From a moral view, Kaneki should had sent Hinami to be with Touka for safe keeping, whether she wanted to keep him company or not.

Kaneki in general feels... off at times, and I don’t mean as a character, but how he’s written. I feel like the writer is trying to keep this balance of innocence and viciousness with Kaneki’s character, but... I’m having a hard time buying it. Characters with that dual nature are balls hard to pull off well, and I think Kaneki shows why. For examples of characters I think do have this balance looks at Gon Freecss from Hunter X Hunter and Durarara’s Mikado Ryugamine.

That Ghoul jailbreak that was mentioned around volume 8... ish. I don’t remember ever seeing it happen. I know it happened in the anime, but I don’t remember seeing it happen and the manga, which makes Shachi just... come out of nowhere, and that’s kind of bad when he becomes a major antagonist as of volume 10. 

Good Points of Tokyo Ghoul

Like with Juni Taisen, I have stuck with this manga for so long for a reason. Hell, I brought all of the manga pre-:Re because I do like this series despite my gripes and issues with it. So just to prove I’m not ragging on something for the sake of ragging on it, let me just go over some of the good things I like about it real quick.

The artwork looks great, the character designs in general are fantastic to look at. If anything, I’d love to see some more of Sui Ishida’s designs once he finishes Tokyo Ghoul. This man would make one hell of a character designer if he got into video games. I hate Tsukiyama with a passion, but goddamn do I want half his suits.

As bloated as the cast feels, everyone stands out and make an instant first impression from their designs and intros alone. Kaneki is an anti-social nerd, Touka is a tomboyish hard worker, Hide his an excitable bundle of energy that’s clearly hiding his intelligence,  Tsukiyama is... Tsukiyama, Banjo is an idiot, the list goes on, but every makes an impression. One glance at their design, a few bits of dialogue, and I already get what the character is about... most of the time.

The action is just great. Shachi’s martial arts stuff just looks really good, as out of nowhere as I feel he is. I honestly feel like Sui Ishida probably read all the martial arts books Kaneki was in help him draw some of those scenes. It makes me wish Tokyo Ghoul was a little more action-focused... but then again, when don’t I wish for more action in a series.

As little screentime as she’s getting now, I really do like Touka a lot. She’s tough, she’s cool, but she’s got enough flaws in her character to make her feel human. And every panel I see her in she looks great.

As forced as it’s starting to feel now, the world-building is done well. Again, I think everything that needs to be explained is explained. Hell, I’m tempted to make a Tokyo Ghoul OC with all the information I know about it.

This is more about the character design, but I really like how unique every ghoul’s mask is. My favorite designs are Kuro and Shiro, they really complement each other well.

Phew, this essay took awhile to finish, but at least it didn’t take 3 days like the Juni Taisen one. For all my issues, I really like this series a lot. I don’t know if I like it enough to continue to :Re, but that all depends on how the series ends Part 1 I suppose. 

But... what about you all? I’m tagging the fandom after all. What’s the general thoughts on the Tokyo Ghoul manga? And... is there a budding Tokyo Ghoul OC community like My Hero Academia? I’m gonna’ probably work on a Tokyo Ghoul OC after posting this, so... look out for that.

And as always when I finish these essays about shows and anime, Allen’s Best Girl for Tokyo Ghoul is definitely Miss Touka Kirishima. I could honestly Ramble about why I like her so much, but... I think this’ll suffice for now. I’m a little tired after working on this essay, so a cute picture of her should do fine.

[soutasnotebook]

Can we have Higemaru finding out his girlfriend (definitely very short and cute) is a ghoul and part of the Clowns?

Did someone say Higemaru? *soul emerges from TG hell* I LOVE HIM

“Why?” Fumi’s lips tremble.

She watches Donato take off, and Saiko and Hsaio rush for Urie. Higa’s all alone.

He’s going to die. What’s left of his arm isn’t healing quickly enough. 

You did it on purpose, didn’t you? She glares at Donato’s retreating figure. To make it easier for me. 

But it’s not easy.

Having power sucks. Fumi leaps down to the ground. She hears CCG sirens, but Higa doesn’t have a few minutes.

She approaches him, mask still on, though he can clearly recognize her. No one else is that short, with a cross carved into their palm and shimmery black hair. 

“Fumi?” Higamaru slurs. 

She uses her bikaku to cut off her own flesh and shoves it in his mouth. “Live, Higa.”

Then she vanishes into the night.

——————————————————-

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Fumi throws her arms around Higemaru.

“I had the strangest hallucination of you,” he says, easily lifting her off the ground. “You were part of the clowns!”

Fumi chortles. “Oh really? You think that lowly of me?”

“No, no, never!” Higemaru peppers her face with kisses. 

“You’re the sweetest.” Fumi hugs him. She should breathe a sigh of relief, but she’s too miserable from her lies. 

——————————————————–

“Higa!” Fumi waves from outside CCG. 

He grins and pushes past the Oggai towards her.

One of the kids turns around with a frown. “You smell funny?”

“What do you mean?” Fumi smiles nervously.

The girl hurls her through an Rc sensor. The machine screams.

Fumi scrambles to her feet. “I - no, wait - help!”

She sees Furuta ahead, but of course he can’t help her. He even warned her that dating Higemaru was too dangerous, but she hadn’t listened.

Tears sting her eyes. Her clown mask tumbles from her bag. The Robin.

Fumi gags with fear as Aura Shinsanpei - Higa’s friend - dangles her aloft by her hair.

She sees Higemaru stopped a few meters away. Her eyes desperately meet his. 

“Why?” he cries.

She shakes her head. Tears leak out her eyes. 

“Take her to a cell,” says Aura. He’s not so cold he’d left Higemaru witness his girlfriend’s execution.

——————————————————-

Fumi huddles in her cell. She hears Higemaru approaching, but she’s too afraid to lift her head.

“I didn’t hallucinate.” 

She shakes her head.

“Why did you save me? Was I a game to you?” Higemaru’s voice rises.

She shakes her head harder.

“Speak to me!” he screams. He feels like she has ripped his heart out. 

“I’m sorry!” she cries. “You were a target. I was supposed to find out information from you, okay? That ended shortly after you went to Rushima. I just…I really liked you and I liked pretending to be human with you.” She doubles over. “Even if you think I can’t feel love, I know I feel it for you.”

Higemaru leaves, but he knows he’ll return. In time. Surely the Robin has information that can keep her alive. And if Saiko hasn’t given up on Sasaki, maybe he doesn’t need to give up on her. 

[sparda3g]

Tokyo Ghoul:re Chapter 131 Review

Making a decision is often seen as a difficult task. It all lies on one person and whatever he/she decides, the responsibility now rest on that shoulder. It can be an ultimatum and it can lead to a large amount of pressure. It's not easy to declare if it's the best or worst decision until the effect passes through, and it can take a while. This chapter clearly reflects the notion and it's only matter of time to see where the path leads to.

The chapter continues to draw out more drama as well as world building with a newer mystery to think over. The mystery aspect goes to what Ayato discovered far underneath the surface and the drama continues off with Touka and Kaneki. It continues to have me more invested with this newly discovered location that can expand the lore further, yet it has me tore up to see where Kaneki and Touka have to go through. It's hard to fault them to make their decision and much like video games, you just have to hope that it's not a bad one.

The chapter clearly starts to push the audience on thinking of what Touka will do. What will Kaneki do? Will they actually risk themselves to save one friend? Kaneki monologues more than usual in here because it challenges his mind on what is considered the right choice. Even when he was talking to the kids, his mind is boggled with the thought of Touka and possibly meeting Mutsuki in order to meet her demand.

Touka on the top of the tower or some sort has me feeling uneasy. I'm not saying she was going to suicide, but it's that mood of depression taking place. It's one of those moments where people outside can't truly tell on what they're thinking; even if you jump to conclusion to suicide, you could still end up not knowing. Kaneki couldn't read Touka exactly; only believe that she's doing fine. It doesn't help that she is great at putting a front, so it's the highest level of poker face.

One of the more unsettling notes is Kaneki is confirmed to be in a bad state and it will continue to worsen; unless in theory, he starts going cannibalism. Nishiki believes that he needs high concentration RC cells in his body. I always thought that Kaneki just needs to eat human and get the nourishment to get better, unless I forgot something. Maybe he's really in a bad state to the point now he has to eat ghouls.

Basing off of the explanation of his body, it interpreted that his body may be aging at a rapid rate. I wonder if this means Ishida is a fan of Metal Gear Solid. I don't know if this is true based on science, but it looks like the repercussion of a human becoming a Ghoul has more side effect than initially said. When Kaneki begins to cry out blood, it puts us the audience in a conflicted feeling. If he really goes out there, who knows that his body will just suddenly give up on him.

I should mention his moment with Kou. Kou is a lunatic that somehow put out a fanboy display. What perplexed me is the amount of info that he knows about Kaneki. I understand that he's from CCG, but it got me wondering if he knows more about him. He said that he doesn't know much about the letter, which could be a lie even said in honesty, but it puts Kaneki on a really tough position.

Taking break from all of that, the interesting aspect comes in with what Ayato is exploring. It's practically a ghost town until three kids come out of nowhere with stronger than first level Kagune. After Ayato essentially stopped them from fighting, the mystery kicks in when they first speak. I don't know if the translation from one site decided to translate it in a normal language or the real dialogues is full of babbles, but if the latter is true, then I like the fact that they don't know the proper language. That or their accent hinders their speech.

There are a lot of confusing yet interesting points coming from this one sit down. These kids believed that they are human. Maybe they are but if true, why they're in that area? They thought Ayato is there to eat them and they make it sound like a traditional part of life. It's even stranger that they said this area is Tokyo itself. I'm confused as Ayato by this point. Lastly, they say "Nagas" destroyed everything. The sight of what appears to a massive size of Kagune is staggering.

I don't want to go to completely on theory level since this is a review, but I want to address this part quickly. I don't know what is "Nagas" but it could be either a Ghoul from above or One-eyed Ghoul from below. Maybe the kids are ghouls and train to act like human. The reason could be that they are made to be eaten up later on, if that is their nourishment. As for Tokyo, maybe since everyone grows up there, they are trained to believe in a made-up area.

On the other hand, there were human remnants back there, so perhaps they are them. But then it only leaves me confused. Perhaps this is Tokyo or rather was. Maybe what's above is the new Tokyo that no one is aware of. How they can even live down there for long? It leaves a lot of questions that could tie in with the history of CCG and perhaps V. I heard that Nagas is an old language name for "Dragon" or something like that. I don't know exactly, but this could be a revelation that may connect to not only Furuta but the Washuu.

The last segment resumes with Kaneki and Touka and this couldn't be more unsettling. It bothers me that all these nice pairing moments are done along with terrifying event. It's not that I don't like them in a writing sense; it's more of uncomfortable feeling that it's done in a tragic way. It's similar to that one recent anime that I won't spoil where it feels like it's nice and charming but the end path is nothing but downhill slope and everything you would like to end on a good note didn't happen. This chapter didn't help.

It begins with Touka and her decision while talking to Kaneki. He believes that she will outright tell him on what to do next. It's not as apparent as you would think, but it makes the moment more effective. When she announces her possible pregnancy, Kaneki wanted to be happy or anything that a guy would react; accident not included. Instead, he is more devastated that Touka reacted like the world continues the same before the memo was read; in other words, it's ignored. This leaves Kaneki to bring it up or it can be ignored completely.

He dismissed it.

The thought of marriage sounds nice in one world, but in this series, it's done more of distraction and dare I say death flag rise. Distraction as in deludes the thought of her best friend being executed and keeps the flow going with the thought of happiness. Let's be sadly honest, marriage is a death flag sign in media, unless it's not battle. Then again, "that" anime did axe one still...

In any case, this is pretty hard to watch with its presentation and the continuous struggle from Kaneki. There are plenty of monologues from him that shares with you on his situation. The last part could be mistaken like they are so selfish for each other, but you have to recall the place they're in. Kaneki is weak, Touka is pregnant maybe, GOAT is not as strong as they were, going up there can risk everyone to be exposed in which leads to extermination, and so on.

If anything, Touka is taking the worst. Just because we didn't see her reaction about her best friend, it doesn't mean she feels nothing. She was at that tower, which is an obvious metaphor. Again, many of their love actions are based on distraction and that is tragic enough. It will be significantly worse if everything becomes a naught such as giving birth. It's the matter of how much they can endure.

This chapter brought in a hard-hitting decision, strange mystery of the newly discovered location, and the ending that continues to bring the worst is underway. It's somewhat an uncomfortable chapter. In another series, it could have been sublime and touching to see them as lovers, but make no mistake, it's going to get worse from here on. Will they survive? I hope so.

[dtphan824]

“How do you get to Tokyo Auto Salon?  How much is admission?  How do you apply for press passes?  Is one day enough to cover the show? ” This post is pretty much a guide to Tokyo Auto Salon and will be super informative if you’ve never been and plan to go sometime in the near future…

Tokyo Auto Salon – biggest Tokyo convention of modified cars, women, and perverts… I mean photographers… 

Never been to TAS before and plan to go in the future?  Cool, this is pretty much my guide of how to survive Tokyo Auto Salon.

Things to bring to Tokyo Auto Salon: –  Comfortable shoes (Don’t make the same mistake I did and only bring Van’s to Japan) –  Lightweight warm jacket (It will be warm inside the Event Halls but cool/cold outside) –  Backpack or a bag for free swag (You can use your gf or friend as a mule to carry stuff as well) –  Battery pack (At least 3350mAh, but I usually bring 26800mAh to last me half the trip) –  Cash (They have a Family Mart and bunch of restaurants where they don’t price gouge like venues in the states) –  Camera and lens (Wide angle lens at least 24mm for FF or 16mm for crop sensors)

If you’re there for media/press purposes: –  Of course your gear –  Passport (if you’re not from Japan) –  Approved press papers or email with QR code –  Business cards

Alright, these are the essentials I’d recommend for you to bring or have for the show.  I also like to travel light because carrying a bunch of stuff gets irritating when you’ve covered 8 halls in a day.

How do you get to Tokyo Auto Salon? TAS has always been held at Makuhari Messe in the Northwest part of Chiba Prefecture.  You have the choice of traveling by car (if you have a ride) or train, but it will be at least a 40 minute to 1 hour commute from metro Tokyo area, assuming you stay around there.

Don’t mind the starred locations and just click the photo for Makuhari Messe‘s location.  

How much is admission? Friday – General Special Public (Pretty much advanced tickets) Advance or Pre-purchased online is 2,600Y or $23-25 USD (depending on rate exchange) Day of show is 3,200Y or $28-29 (depending on rate exchange)

Saturday, Sunday – General Admission Advance or Pre-purchased online is 1,800Y or $16-18 USD (depending on rate exchange) Day of show Adult is 2,200Y and Teens/kids 1,700Y

Just check Tokyo Auto Salon site for ticket information there.

How do you apply for press passes? You can apply online for press pass usually around mid December.   Depending who you’re doing coverage for, they will either approve your application within 10-15 business days or ask for more information.   You will then need your passport and business card when picking up your media passes.

Is one day enough to cover the show? For the normal general public doing coverage or visiting, no you won’t be able to hit up all the Halls in the venue.  If you look at the map below, there are 11 Halls to go through, as well as a driving exhibition/demo area.  There are also special concerts that go on as well.

Very useful map from TAS 2017… if you can read in Japanese.

MuthafuckinPineappleApplePen Piko Taro was one of the opening acts at TAS 2017. 

If you’re special media or press pass holder and can sneak in Thursday night/day, that would be the best time to do coverage.  Booths will still be setting up but most cars should be ready.   If not, I would recommend arriving at 8AM to avoid the general public crowds.  If you have on comfortable shoes and took 2 of those 1o hr energy jelly packs, you might be able to cover the whole show.   If you do plan to cover the show in 2 days, I’d recommend walking around the parking lot as there will be a few hidden gems out there as well.

That’s pretty much it for my guide to Tokyo Auto Salon… now onto my favorite photos from TAS…

Also, if you haven’t seen my photo coverage for Front Street Media by Kyle Crawford yet, you can check out Part 1 HERE and Part 2 HERE.  I sent the photos overnight to Kyle and had the article up within less than 24 hrs later.  Glad the photos didn’t sit around for too long either.  He did a great job and it almost felt like he was there at the show with me O_O.

Check out the coverage on Front Street Media by Kyle Crawford.

TAS wouldn’t be TAS without the models.  I can’t lie about that because who would go just to look at modified cars and parts….

There were a bunch of celebs at TAS.  Drift King or Tsuchiya was doing interviews all day… I actually got to see him in the media room chilling earlier, but didn’t want to bother him =/… 

SARD racing aero always being SARD…. The only thing I like is the CF wing… 

Liberty Walk had more than a dozen cars around TAS… 

These guys are always on the go.  2017 should be a good year for  Kenneth Li of Wekfest and Joey Lee of Stickydiljoe.com… 

The Subaru booth usually has their concept cars and what looks like GT BRZ Racecar…. 

Model from Vellano booth and some more models from Rohana Wheels…

ROBERUTA Lamborghini Huracan with a Super Trofeo aero look.  Not sure if it’s the real deal but check out the ROBERUTA lift kit in action HERE. 

Silk Blaze had a simple look for the Honda S660 and Miata ND MX-5. 

Every year D.A.D. always goes all out and blings out a Benz…

I believe this Mercedes SL600 is covered in real diamonds… 

I’m not even sure what this car is… but the grill is covered with screens and trunk lid full of speakers while the headlights rotated… o_O

The new AIMGAIN GT kit for the Toyota 86 Kouki… you can see Elvis of StanceNation napping in the back…

Didn’t even notice each side had different colored wheels…

Next to it is the new AIMGAIN GT kit for the new R35 GTR.

I’m not sure why the Event halls were packed with spectators… 

Because it made it super difficult for the working press… 

Luckily some of the booth cars were on a stage display… 

Like the new Honda Civic Type R seen here… 

Which would rotate every 30 seconds or so…

Caught Tein Dampachi and female pachi at their photobooth…

Caught Joey and crew again around TAS again…

326Power represented with aggressive stance and fitment as usual on this RC and S15…

This crazy model stood outside in the Hallway upstairs while it was freezing cold… god bless her soul…

International hall had some pretty awesome stuff in there….

Star Road S30, Nismo S30, Restored R30 RS, and a BNR32. 

Also a couple of FD’s… 

I believe this is the same Kamikaze 370Z from the Varis booth last year at TAS 2016…

Being a Toyota 86 guy, I had to check out the TRD kit for the new Kouki model… still not sure if I like it…

CWest also had a new lip for the kouki 86… not sure if I’m even feeling the new front bumper…

The Impulse kit for the AE86… in CF…

I walked into Pandem / Rocket Bunny territory at TAS 2017…

Daigo Saito was in attendance too… glad he didn’t mind me taking a photo… 

But he was staring pretty hard at this Pandem R32 for awhile…

Another Star Road S30…

Pandem all the things…

More drifters… 

More models…

Kuhl Racing always engraving and designing cool shit…

Photoshoot going on… with ladders and off camera flash.. 

I’m not even sure what time period that’s from… I guess 2017 from a different dimension…

  RE Amemiya FC3S RX7 with new aero

RE Amemiya RX8…

  Time attack FD RX7…  I believe CSG had some hand in building this… 

One of my favorite shots of Under Suzuki taking a look at how ridiculously huge that wing is… jk.

BN Sport revealed new kits for the FD RX7 and R35 GTR.  Both aggressive looking as usual…

Earlier next to the BN sports booth cars, this was going on… 

One of the BN Sports guys liked watching the spectacle…

Top Fuel S2000 (top left),  Mad Mike Redbull TCP Magic FD RX7 (top right), and VARIS Kamikaze booth cars…

Last but not least, this was my press desk area.  Check out the photo on the right… some guys would bring 2-3 monitors, a cpu, and edit.  I need to step up my game next year.

This post wasn’t supposed to be long, but I couldn’t help it with all the photos I took.  Even Kyle had a tough time choosing photos to post.  As always, thanks for actually reading or skimming through to the end.

http://www.danhphan.com http://www.danhphanphoto.wordpress.com http://www.instagram.com/dtphan

Gear: Nikon D750 Sigma 35mm f1.4 Nikon 85mm f1.8

  Journey to Tokyo: Part 4 – Tokyo Auto Salon Life "How do you get to Tokyo Auto Salon?  How much is admission?  How do you apply for press passes?  

[joleen29u543-blog]

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[sinandaporia-blog]

Thoughts 9.1.2017

I do not know whether the feeling that lingers inside of me is loneliness or some strange sadness. I would think it easy to classify it, but before I think about said feeling I most intuitively know that I am lonely; only when I begin to merge language and that inexplicable movement of my soul do I find myself in the most limbic of quandaries.

I do not miss Minjung, but what I do miss, or what perhaps I most want now, or what I would like to distract me from the void, is her expressions of felicity to me, those images and gestures that instantiated herself in the universe of those who would commit beyond themselves for me. I think that it is such that finalizes me as ethically immoral -- sure, carnality isolates itself from God, as the other infelicities do, but I now realize even more fully that I was in love not with her but with the outlines of her movements, her personality. Her parting curse was a series of images that I cannot separate from the idea of love, a language through which I might comprehend what I may not have ever again. When I make love to another woman, will the memory of her body clinging to mine echo silently in the mutuality of our reverberations. Will I move differently.

But it is not love that I lack -- merely its semantics. Or perhaps I do. I think friendship would suffice. Or perhaps it doesn't. I know that when (if) I have one or the other or both I will always prefer to be alone. Perhaps I enjoy only the real possibility of such people, lover and friends. I have a nice family. They sleep early, however. My brother does not answer my calls. He is tired often, I think. What I would like is to speak with someone that does not already have the underlying obligation to listen. To have found someone in the great expanse of somewhere. Not anyone, though. I am a shallow beggar, but a miserable one.

School is sometimes difficult and some days that is all I think about. So do I about wealth. But most days I have requisite self-esteem, as well as a consistent optimism about my future. I know that I am intelligent (is that wrong?) and I know I have charm. But I do not let it show except to the closest people. I expect others to notice some special quality about me. It has worked out in the smallest settings where people are forced to notice the existence of others but in the situations in which people move by each other as inconsequentially as tectonic plates I am resigned to him, he, they, or perhaps pronouns do not even find me in the ephemeral records of memory.

I would like an older brother, at most two years older than I. I have not established myself as of yet to desire a younger brother. But in my idealism, he would take me out to meet girls. Or I would play football with him. Or drink. But I think a friend closer to my age would be better. I would like to, for once, feel that I am developing progressively in life and experiencing sensations through which another individual is attempting to shape themselves as well as I. I would like to sweat and play sports roughly with a friend. But I would not like an older sister. Or worse, a sister inferior in age. I always misconstrue female friendliness as a motion toward more intimate engagements.

I am the dash between Korean and American. The ethnic class to which I belong is a misnomer. The East and West negates each other in me, I am the force of repulsion that resounds between the two. I want to abandon my American. Every time I hear Korean being uttered my entire focus shifts itself to the direction of its sound. When I hear it outside my window I dash to it and look for its source in the central courtyard. If I cannot figure a body from whom I may hear that wondrous language I let it fill my ear canals greedily, I shiver in pathetic pleasure in imagining that I too could be one of them. But I am not. I have gone to a karoake bar with a Korean club and I have sat somberly looking at the prettier females while feeling, amid the endless cacaphony of inexhaustible drinking games and idle chatter, that I not am. So did I experience when that one night I heard a soft conversation between two males sharing smokes on a veranda on the far opposite side, and I lied in bed listening attentively like an anxious rat, and from their distance their sounds could not translate into intelligibility.

That it is excessively easy and natural that I can interact with those who speak English makes me hate myself. But that I can only have the idea of what I want to express in Korean and that I can only quiver my lips into dumb utterances of the wrong grammar and the inflection of one who has memorized the distinct sounds of ends and beginnings of expressions but has never learned to parrot them in their fullness makes me hate myself even more for approaching that intellectual project. I negate myself. I am the force of repulsion between the East and West. I hate Korean-Americans who cannot speak Korean, or do not know Korean culture. I hate them because they are me. English is the greatest power in the world. I owe my allegiance to American country. My fellow democrats. But my heart sings at a higher pitch at the Korean anthem. I have been to Korea once. That was the only time I had been mugged. The last images I have of that time include my uncle storming out with a newspaper rolled in his hand while I cried with blue eyes and wet my diaper; my very mature cousins dangling pieces of candy in front of my face, cooing; my brother giving me supposedly a very expensive toy (he had told me this when he discovered its mangled corpse in a neglected drawer much years later, when he lived with me) to appease my crying in a hotel. Oh, and when I went to my brother's home, and I sat on a bamboo covering while I made his frail dog dance on his hind legs and played with his RC car.

God, if I could wrap my arms around a girl and in the most juvenile manner rest my head on her soft chest! Many times I have diagnosed my fears and wants as Freudian. I do not have sexual thoughts about my mother, but I know I want the qualities of a mother in a girl. I would like to be both boy and man in her presence. When I am scared I would like to force her to say it will be okay. I cannot tell if I am progressive or aggressively traditional. I am more comfortable with talkative girls but my mother's accustomed lack of words makes me believe intuitively that silence is a canon of virtue in a wife. I would like a wife. Some permanence. A wife that would exchange sexual advances with me frequently without discussing it so as to have the impression of quiet sanctity. I would like so dearly to have someone pray fervently alongside me.  

I feel as if in these fragments I have revealed nothing more than the conventional thoughts that torrent every young man that reads too many books or read books to escape into dreams. I have lied many times regarding why I like books. But the best books I have ever read has never implied some intellectual premeditation nor had really expressed a new philosophical value to be added to literature. I derive the same pleasure in books that same way anyone derives pleasure in a nice dream. I cannot say to you that I know how to read. Every time I read a drama I always miss the tropes. I am lost to their dramatic allures. My mind is weak to the movements that repeat themselves over and over in front of me. Books are a puzzle that I always miss. I am really quite dumb. I become lost in the multitude of tiny things that do not matter in the breadth of larger things. So is my approach to literature, if that is even an approach to literature. The best books that I have read have confined themselves to conventions. And I never expect them.

And so I would like to be famous, accomplished. So that people will notice me and hold me in awe. So that people will look at me in the street or will regard me in bowing reverence when I acknowledge them. So I can have the possibility of acknowledgment without ever entering into it. Though this will probably make me even more miserable, that people forever miss my mortality through the immortality of my achievements. Which is why I would like a wife instead, along with a few close friends. Though I will probably never end desiring something of a value of impossible height and depth. So instead I would like to die soon, and be with God. Though in front of God I will probably have to hold on with all my strength not to be obliterated by His overwhelming righteousness. You see, I have not prayed properly (that is, with tears of blood) for the repentance of my sin, which is that I have watched pornography and masturbated barely acknowledging the weight of my sins. So I would like to collapse into the sleep of Stephen right after the retreat next week, so that I am sure that I have been convicted, at least internally, of my reconciliation with God through Christ. But then again, after the retreat I will perhaps open these fragments and delete them in the fervor of a refreshed spirituality, and I will thereafter take extreme measures to stave off everything that threatens my sanctification. Which is why -- no, how -- I had broken up with Minjung. So sometimes I would simply like to become dust for worms and the earth and never be cognizant again. So that I would cease to know happiness to cease to know sadness, and vice versa. But the immeasurable fear of such a thing is what keeps me alive. Perhaps that is also the engine of my faith. No, not perhaps -- it is so. So lately the word aporia chants itself in my mind like a religious mantra: aporia, aporia, aporia. I am dancing the cosmic dance. Tomorrow will be better. I thank God for sleep.