#MAG87

[ceaseless-bitcher]

btw these are

MAG16, “Arachnophobia” #0150409

MAG2, “Do Not Open” #9982211

MAG42, “Grifter’s Bone” #0131103

MAG22, “Colony” #0161203

MAG56, “Children of the Night” #0100710-B, which is a continuation of MAG10, “Vampire Killer” #0100710

MAG49, “The Butcher’s Window” #0081103

Michael Shelley in general, but MAG26, “A Distortion” #0160204; MAG47, “The New Door” #0161002; and MAG101, “Another Twist” #UNKNOWN (estimated to have occurred May-June of 2017)

MAG96, “Return to Sender” #9961505

MAG34, “Anatomy Class” #0161207

MAG81 (my beloved :]), “A Guest for Mr. Spider” #0171802-A

MAG87, “The Uncanny Valley” #0141010

funniest statements from the magnus archives in no particular order: 

spiders, but they hate you personally

that one guy who was paid to keep a clearly fucked up coffin in his living room and just decided to fucking ignore the weird shit. (king)

band that is so bad at music that you die

a pile of worms stole my phone and texted my coworkers

man who admits he killed another man because he had a spooky vampire name

guy who felt the need to just dunk on this one guy for 10 minutes because he was a shitty drug mule. he also got his bones stolen. this is only mentioned at the very end.

twink with knife hands (cool)

Two random men walked in and stole my shipping company

fucked up monsters taking an anatomy class but are very polite and on time so its cool and sort of endearing. 

jon talking about how he has childhood trauma about an evil spider monster. only funny because i’m binge listening to this podcast and last week listened to him make fun of how stupid the idea of an evil spider monster is

bone stealing man shows up again and opens a gym to help people get fucking shredded. 

the plumber who shows up to the middle of a creepy monster circus in the middle of the night, looks at the pipes overflowing with blood, goes “there’s your problem” and just fucking pulls out a mass of flesh and then…leaves.

they literally just let him leave 

monsters have to invite him back to try and kill him again because he was so unfazed the first time

[trenchcrows]

WHAT CIRCUS NOISES HUH

WHATS WRONG WITH JON'S FACE???????

[several-ravens]

wtf is the unknowing though

[enteragoodnamehere]

Shitty redraw of that one meme going around with judenikola bc I thought it was funny

[veradragonjedi]

@many-legged

And I says to myself "Ok. We can only get one small thing at the weird bookstore's retirement sale."

[diesatoru]

MAG87 is objectively the funniest episode so far

[tauremornalome]

[mag200]

MAG87: The Uncanny Valley

watercolor & ink // kofi

[crow-with-a-hoodie]

mag87, the uncanny valley

hello!! do u have a favorite tma ep? :D

oh god there's so many good ones :o

Mag2 maybe, I know everyone likes that one but it's such a classic. And Joshua Gillespie will forever be one of my favourite tma characters

Actually I really like the kind of episodes where the statement giver survives by simply not being that afraid. Joshua gillespie ofc, who decides that the coffin isn't nearly as scary as the people who sent it, and proceeds to common sense his way through the horrors. But also the one about the plumber who just didn't notice the murder clowns, or the lady who got trapped in an underground and just. Decided there was nothing she could do about it and took a nap instead.

Also!! I really like the later episodes where we get Jon and Daisy's friendship. That's not a particular episode ig but I find myself relistening to those ones alot just bc I love their dynamic so much

This old house aswell, Annabelle has got to be one of my favourite characters lol

[zezran]

the plumber in MAG87 rocking up like

[theskywaslookingback]

I always forget how fucking funny MAG87 is until I listen to it again. Imagine being some weird mannequin monster and trying your damndest to scare some random plumber but he just obliviously fixes the flesh blocking your drain and nods along when you tell him you’d like to wear him and then you have to make him COME BACK in the day time because you’re sure the problem was that it was just too dark for him to see that your workers were like skinning people, I’m—

[hyperfixationspam]

its pretty much accepted that "megan" in mag87 is nikola going by an alias but one of the victims of the anglerfish was named megan so theres a possibility that nikola was borrowing one of sarahs outfits and i just think thats really funny

[trademarkhubris]

the iconic plumber of mag87 who just. doesnt realise that a supernatural cult about the embodiment of Literal Fear is trying to maim, scare and kill him and hes just like "i was suddenly feeling very uncomfortable"

[several-ravens]

i have counted 13 episodes about the stranger for now (the others have an average of 6.2), which is approximately 15% of episodes since the beginning

that's a lot

[meadowmines]

MAG87-91

hey yes hello Jon hi look that sounds like a spectacularly dangerous and also really stupid idea but what do I know

MAG87: *looks at title* ah yes exactly what it says on the tin, more of The Stranger’s bullshit. ...oooh yep and this is Peak The Stranger’s Bullshit right here, boy oh boy. ...thicc Asian lady with short hair? Yep, we’ve met her before, and that seems like kind of an unlikely friendship or whatever it is. FACTORY FULL OF NIGHTMARES NOPE NOT HANGING AROUND THERE THX BYE

“searching for the skin” hi yes I do not like that

So the Unknowing is some kind of ritual, apparently? Involving... wearing of faces? And Gertrude mentions “more direct measures” to keep it from happening. I do not like that either. I very much do not like any of that.

...calliope music in the background oh shit nope don’t like that don’t like that AT ALL.

MAG88: O hi, Basira! Please keep Daisy from doing anything stupid and/or too illegal like say plugging Jon if you can? Thx. 

Oh goody, another fucking Leitner. “A hollow space that all Eyes point towards,” apparently right under Jon’s fucking office. Nope. Nope. Noooope. Don’t like any of that.

Oh, Melanie, you sweet summer child. A database. Gertrude deliberately obfuscated the Archives so thoroughly that it’s going to take years to unfucken it and you think they have a database. ...also dear God could you possibly be any less subtle about who and what you’re digging for on Jon’s behalf? ...ooooh no the calliope is missing.

MAG89: ...okay, interesting, we know Elias made Daisy answer his questions but did we know Jon could do it? Does Jon himself consciously know he can do that until Jude tells him to knock it off? There is clearly a whole hell of a lot he doesn’t know about his own Eerie Eye Powers, does he know he’s shooting people up with psychic truth serum or does he think he’s just asking nicely and getting results? Well, either way, he knows now. 

Oh, she knows “Michael?” ...no, the other Fucking Michael. Cool. ...no God Jon don’t shake her hand, don’t fall for it, don’t.... aw man :(

MAG89: Well, Tim clearly isn’t completely immune to Freaky Eye Bullshit, if being away from the Institute is draining him like that. Was he trying to get fired? Seems like that’s the outcome he was hoping for but nah, Elias just gives him a “now don’t do that again” and sends him on his way.

Martin falling into the character of a gym bro is both kind of hilarious and kind of disturbing. 

Speaking of disturbing... “your perfect body is here! be all that you can be!” ...ooooh no this is going to be The Flesh isn’t it D:

Great big dude? J? ...oh god, it’s Boneturner Jared, not this asshole again.

dude no don’t go back to the creepy gym in the middle of the night, your phone can wait till morning, do your training log on paper, don’t--aw man okay look excuse me I just need to

Okay. There we go.

MAG91: Okay. Well. Aside from possibly yeeting people off into the wild blue yonder, this particular Fucking Michael seems to be a decent enough guy, very polite, friendly--woop nope never mind Jon you’re really going to have to learn to be a lot more subtle about this compelling thing.

So The Spiral has been messing with him, and he turns to Leitners to try and do something about it. Good on him for ditching the disease book and the one that tried to read him back, I guess, fuck him for just dropping The Boneturner’s Tale off at another library, and--huh, for some reason it just never really registered until now that Mike’s buddy who was playing with him when he got hit by lightning is the one that ended up with Ex Altiora after he trapped the lightning monster in it.

And that’s that, Mike’s going to let Jon go, that’s nice--wait what. OH SHIT DAISY. 

...well! Today we learn that people who have been Touched By An Entity may or may not actually be invincible or immortal, because bullets seemed to work just fine on Mike (RIP in peace, sorry, you really were one of the less horrible ones)! I have the feeling they might not work so well on, say, "Michael” or Jude or a Flesh Hive or whatever, but at least with the Flesh Hive there are other mundane ways to put it down for a dirt nap, so...

BASIRA PLS COME GET YOUR GIRL BEFORE SHE MURDERATES JON TOO

...oooh no. No. I don’t like this plan. I don’t like this plan at all. Whatever Eye powers Jon has, Elias has stronger ones and he actually knows what the fuck he’s doing with them, this is a bad plan and y’all should feel bad

[nthecaptin]

close contender is the bloke from MAG87 who arrived for a plumbing job in the absolute sketchiest place on the planet somewhere in bumfuck north wales and proceeded to pay Zero attention to a woman telling him that she's going to skin him and wear his flesh for a ritual. only clocked that something might be off after he saw mannequins with knives and then his first instinct was to punch one in the face. absolute legend.

so far my favourite magnus archives character is the guy who put his foot through a tv because he saw a spider

like i know there was a backstory reason for that but still mood