#Luthor didn't even do anything to be chased with a waterhose btw

[artaran]

Superbat, but only in the background for the comedy during a romance office drama.

Hear me out. Half the Daily Planet has noticed Lois and Cat going from pure hatred to actually enjoying the vicious mockery battles. After last year's success of getting Clark together with his longtime fanboy crush, Bruce Wayne, the office is now dedicated to reviving romance once more. So a new groupchat is made, and shenanigans ensue.

Lois attempts to get Clark to help her on an article. Clark, due to the entire office assuming the poor guy can't keep a secret to save his life, is not in the groupchat. However, Bruce told him about it in the supply room five minutes ago. His coworkers are all making "don't you DARE" motions behind Lois's back, because an article exposing a socialite basically leaves her with no other choice but Cat. Clark, only wearing half a tie and with only a third of his buttons actually done up, pretends he forgot whatever he came for in the supply room and will obviously need to be in there for the rest of the week, sorry Lois.

Lois and Cat are still working on that article. In an attempt to speed things along, Jimmy locks them in one of the Daily Planet's conference rooms. While Lois and Cat are having the fight of their lives and are about five seconds away from needing a physical intervention, we see Bruce and Clark running out of the same supply room, across the hallway, away from Deathstroke. Exactly 7 seconds later Deathstroke comes back running through the hallway, this time with Batman and Superman in pursuit. The crash alerts Lois and Cat, but there is no longer anything to see. The moment they turn around, Deathstroke is running back from where he originally came from, still pursued by Batman and Superman. However, Batman is now actively pelting him with keurig coffee pods.

The article is supposed to be done, except Perry prefers submissions to be done on paper, and the printer is empty. Cat and Lois were sharing a coffee cup right until this was discovered, and mood in the office drops into the basement when they start fighting again. Thankfully for the Planet's resident secret superhero, Cat followed Lois to the supply closet to continue that argument, and she opens the door to show us Bruce, shirtless, hitting Ra's al Ghul, also shirtless, with a fire extinguisher, while Clark, not shirtless but only wearing about a third of his shirt due to the previous katana duel he got caught up in, holds him down. Conveniently, Lois didn't look inside because she was too busy arguing with (read: being transfixed by) Cat, and slams the door shut without getting her printer paper.

Cat and Lois were five seconds away from submitting the article when new information came to light. This was, of course, not at all courtesy of Bruce Wayne and his thirst for non-world ending drama (the source is anonymous, after all). Now, they're in an upscale bar on what is definitely not a date. Half the Daily Planet is in cheap wigs and fake moustaches sitting at the bar while Cat and Lois stake out their target. Clark and Bruce are at one of the private tables overlooking the windows, and by now far more invested in Cat and Lois than their own date. This is even more entertaining than rewatching footage of Hal clothesline himself on Batman's grappeline two weeks ago. The target strolls in, and Cat and Lois are firmly convinced the feeling of jealousy is because they are not about to let the other one get the scoop. Clark and Bruce just got a League alert and are now pushing a potted plant in front of their table at a snail's pace so they can jump out of the window unseen. The sight of Batman and Superman flying up from a couple stories below distracts the target long enough to slip up and the women of the hour buy each other drinks, obviously exclusively because neither lost this battle.

The restaurant has to be evacuated and Cat and Lois finally kiss after the emotions of nearly getting crushed by falling debris from the nearby League fighting the villain of the month. Maybe they do have feelings for each other beyond hatred, after all. The costumed Daily Planet reporters cheer. The corner of Batman's mouth ticks up exactly two degrees. Superman falls out of the sky. He is not surprised. He is mad because now he owes the love of his life two dollars because Lois just could not be dense for half a day more. How will he survive?

The next morning, everyone is overjoyed at another romantic success for the Daily Planet reporters. Clark brought his Ma's cake, but hurriedly excuses himself to the supply room. While Perry congratulates Cat and Lois on their successful article and newfound partnership, we see Batman and Superman in the high-rise behind him spraying Lex Luthor with a waterhose.

Cat and Lois make their way to the supply room. On their way in, they politely greet Clark and Bruce, who are on their way out. The entire office signs a pledge to never use that room again.