#Lunatic Invasion
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PALESTINE (1943) BEFORE BEING INVADED BY THE ASHKENAZI, KHAZARIAN, ZIONIST, JESUIT MAFIA
#invasion#destruction#occupation#mass murderer#land grab#extermination#wars#crimes against humanity#these people are evil#jesuits#Ashkenazi#Zionists#freemasons#psychopaths#lunatics#sociopaths#murderers#truth#please share#wwg1wga
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i need weed. i need a medical card so bad or im gonna go out of my fuckign GOURD
#speak friend and enter#let me preface this by saying that im doing everything in my power to not let mental illness wipe its greasy hands on me#however. im insane in the membrane and i can feel myself slipping back into lunatic mode#i have to go for an mri next week and i genuinely don't know if i can do it. i am so fucking terrified you have no idea#i'll spare y'all the grisly details but i was chronically ill as a kid (and not just like sick a lot it was touch and go there for a bit)#and as a result of certain procedures i had to undergo to abate the aforementioned chronic illness#i developed ptsd that manifests as an irrational but obscenely debilitating fear of hospitals#like i can't go in a hospital without having a psychotic episode. like clinically i just can't do it#but as part of my yearly post-whatever care i have to get imaging done and this year that entails an mri and. im just scared#i spent a significant portion of my time immediately post ptsd symptom presentation believing that my doctors were trying to kill me#like for sport. like i thought there was some larger deep state esque plan in place to enact further medical barbarism upon me for giggles#and obviously you and i both know that's a delusion with no basis in reality but that doesn't mean i can stop myself from believing it.#it's like a word-of-god thing. i know logically that it's not true but there's a voice in my head screaming 'they want to flay you alive'#and i am currently between therapists and also unmedicated bc my last therapist was too focused on inner child work#to give me the prozac and weed card i really need#like that's great that you think healing my inner child will solve this but my inner child is covered in her own viscera. can we pivot mayb#but anyway for the moment im just wallowing in my own fear and im doubly scared bc im finding myself falling into rabbit holes again#like empirically the worst thing that's gonna happen as a result of this mri is that they're gonna say i have to have another surgery#and the technology has advanced to a point where its way less invasive than what ive had previously#but the constant dull roar of my thoughts about the whole deal is just. increasingly delusional nonsense#and not to be overly morbid or anything but i decided a long time ago that if i ever had to be admitted to the hospital again i would rathe#well you know. and i don't wanna die. honestly i don't. but the idea of wading through that particular brand of hell again is torture#and im not gonna kill myself. im not. ive been working on that impulse for a long time and i don't want to undo all of that work#but im scared and i dont wanna spend the rest of my life in n out of the hospital or as a substance-abusing recluse. is that so much to ask#i want to fix this. i do. i don't wanna live in a hole anymore as fantastic mr fox would say. but the horrors persist#and i often find myself increasingly unable to cope. hence why i need the weed#anyway i'll be fine. eventually. i hope. but in the meantime i do want to say i appreciate you all. i mean it#i tend to regard myself (fairly or otherwise) as difficult to get along with in real life so despite the fact that i don't talk w y'all muc#i do appreciate y'all being there and making me feel like more of a person than i feel like i am lately <3
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Yeah yeah! You’ll all get your rant. I just want to research some things first…and also maybe talk to some people. But you’ll get your rant about dictators and the destruction of self and how it pertains to lots of things here in the next few weeks.
Check the tags. I ramble there for some stupid reason.
But the long and short of it is. I’m dying at work so expect the full rant and ramble in like March. Also if you knows things. DM me.
#splatoon#splatoon 3#splatoon theory#holy hell did that last post get a ton of notes#I didn’t even realize how many people wanted to see me ranting and razing like a lunatic#what the hell#it’s mostly going to be speculating on octoling society and comparing the thematics of color and coral to the inkling lifestyle#and possibly the invasion or take over of traditionally afirican American mediums by “white artists. like I said I want to talk to others#also me digging through old nuclear testing results/photos#and asking good ol nuclear grandpa the affects it has on oceanic ecosystems#and if bleached coral came about some of those tests or if it’s more due to climate change and all the trash#lots of stuff#so if you know anything about that hit me up in the DM’s and I’ll get back to you when I’m not dying of stress#so like…a week or two#rambling in the tags#also potentially how the mainstream culture flushes out dangerous/creative/colorful work until it is more palatable to maintaining order#and not causing ripples. so like why most of the really angry songs don’t turn up on the radio unless they are really REALLY good#or can be mistaken for other messages. ie why 100+ songs were banned after 9/11 type stuff which is not what I want to talk about#but I might be. WHO KNOWS ITS MY RANT#I’d Rather Talk Fun Stuff like NUCULAR WARNING SITES#AND OCTOLING CULTURE AND HOW SANTAZATION AND BLEACH SHARE A SIMIALR DEFINITION#AND JUST OCTOLINGS AND MEMORIES#it’s going to be a good time.#we have fun here
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Platonic Yandere Jason w/ Batsis darling
A/N: This is supposed to be post death and all that.. Like he's just trying to integrate back into his family and society but it's been hell. His batsis is the one thing that is actually helping him through it thus becoming over attached. He's obsessed with being normal again..for you. (Any Jason Todd)
Warnings: Rather soft yandere actually. but i guess obsession and possessive tendencies.
Requests: always open. please read pinned post which is the masterlist
Masterlist
Yandere Jason Todd who finds an immeasurable amount of comfort and stability in his Batsis. He doesn't particularly understands or even knows why he does but he does.
He still feels awkward and out of place with the rest of batfam. He feels anxious, judged and annoyed around them. It overwhelms him and stresses him to the point of mental breaks. But you ground him. You don't make sudden movements or loud sounds. You don't ask invasive questions or bring up past memories. You're gentle and mindful of him.
The others try bonding but they never fail to eventually overstep boundaries and cause more wounds. He's appreciative of you.
Yandere Jason who cannot help but get possessive over you. He hates when his other siblings command your attention over his. It boils him. I like to think he's constantly comparing himself to them. How normal and fun they are in contrast. He wants to be just like them and do fun things again...but he just cant...not yet. He especially despises Dick and just how pretty and perfect his older brother is. This often causes fights between the two. You and him have tons of inside jokes, secret handshakes and hangouts often. Jay wants that too.
Jason is fearful of going in public with you. He's been craving that local diner spot and love to treat you as a thank you but he doesn't want the stares. He's riddled with scars and looms over everything. He really don’t want his sis to be ridiculed and questioned on his behalf.
Jay tries his best to keep you locked in the house with him. He tries pulling you away from them as much as possible but he feels guilty. This is a miserable life and he doesn't want that was misery on you too, but he just cannot bear you being with them instead. Sometimes he'll offer to sneak out late at night and hang on rooftops with you, but he knows it's nothing compared to the arcades and parties you're missing out on.
He does try very hard to come out of his shell on your birthdays or times like Christmas ect.. He wants to be a good brother and give back how kind you've been towards him. Whatever will make you happy, he'll power through it.
Yandere Redhood who goes after the people that make you cry or feel unsafe. He knows what he promised Bruce but it's to keep is sibling safe. Bruce would understand if he went through even half of the traumatic experiences he did. You have to cut off potential threats at the roots. That's how you prevent lunatics like the joker and to keep souls like you pure.
Yandere Jason Todd who is adorably obsessed with your room. He hasn't done much decorating to his. It's boring and bland, he doesn't remember much of what he liked as a kid before everything happened. But yours is covered in personality. Books, figures, plushies and tons of posters...it's cute. He likes it a lot. Sometimes he just sits in there, even when you're not home because it makes him feel nostalgic? In a good way, it gives him a warm glimpse into what his life could've been as a teen/young adult. Plus it's filled with all the things you love which by default he loves it too. I like to think he steals trinkets from your room that you love the most when he's anxious.
Like you've come home before to him in the corner of his room with one of your big plushies in his arms during an episode. It smells like you it grounds him back into reality. Whatever he's seeing in his head isn't real, but you are. You signify safety.
Yandere Jason who mimics anything you do to learn how to act normal. He doesn't mean to but he spends so much time either with you or lurking near by. Your food options are a major thing is copies. He's often overwhelmed by the many choices in store so when he's hungry, he'll just pick up anything he's remembered you eating. Even if he didn’t like it much.
He doesn't realizes these habits are a bit strange. enviably, one of the other siblings poke fun at him for how his face scrunches up at the taste of your favorite snack. They laughed how he should just get things he likes instead of trying to copy you all the time. They weren't trying to be cruel, just playing like siblings do but it made his world crumble. Was that really strange? Jason didn't mean to make you feel weird. Did you feel weirded out by it, have you been telling the other siblings how bothered you were by his antics?
"Jason, its okay. It's seriously not a big deal, it's slightly odd but i don't mind." You tried reassuring him but it just confirmed his thoughts.
You did think it was weird. That he was weird. You laugh about him behind his back all the time, don’t you?
He knows he's a bit off the drum. He knows he's an embarrassment but a deluded part of him thought maybe the difference wasn't as big as he made it out to be. It was just paranoia. guess..not. He's shattered. His one safe space wasn't real. He wasn’t good enough like the others….yet.
Yandere Jason has to become like a normal brother for you. He needs to be like Dick and Tim. He needs you to think he's cool and fun to be around. He needs to be a good brother...one you're not weirded out by.
#headcanon#imagines#oneshot#x reader#yandere imagines#yandere headcanons#yandere jason todd#jason todd imagine#jason todd headcanon#batfam headcanons#yandere batfam#yandere dick grayson#yandere red hood#yandere batfamily x reader#yandere batboys#dark batfamily#platonic yandere#platonic relationships#yandere nightwing#yandere batman#batman x reader#dcu#dc comics
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You know... >.>
My Dad always used to tell me, if I get a Genuine Genie(tm)? Get a lawyer first. Before I make my Wishes(tm), so they can help me word them correctly.
Obviously, a human lawyer would not be foolproof... BUT! What about a Ghost Lawyer?
Like? Obviously Desiree would be PISSED. How DARE you twist HER wish twisting! Her THING is "what you believe is your heart's desire always comes at a terrible cost" which is what she DIED to learn.
So obviously she would NEVER, willingly, bend her Obsession for ANYONE. And you'd have to make a DAMN good case to that Lawyer for why he ISNT breaking the law by helping you. Probably some "you can: save the life of an unconscious person against their will/shove an unobservant person OFF the train tracks, even if they get hurt, to save their life" clause.
Like? Using a ghosts Obsession against them? Bad. Illegal.
Using it against their will, to save OTHER ghosts, who are in immediate danger? Not illegal, but they will be PISSED. Still not great though, you will want to apologize and fast.
So like??? Reality Bending Power. Patrick Star Method of "what if we MOVED the city... somewhere else?" Considered at 1am. Team of Ghost Laywers, acquired.
Amity and all Limnals are REMOVED from the DP-verse.
Wish worded juuuuust so. Any ghost that forms there? Yoink! Instantly removed to the Zone. Natural Portals? Cut off. Let the whole Reality fade out at an accelerated rate, as no NEW energy is fed into the system. Entropy will do, what entropy does. Exactly as they wished it.
They hated Death so much, they speed up the heat death of their ENTIRE universe by Eons. Congratulations, you guys "Won". Enjoy the wildly more fragile flora, fauna, and general ecosystems. Now that none of you have that ambient Ectoplasm strengthening your bodies. Yeah, the things you used to shrug off? Those are gonna maim or kill you now.
Doesn't MATTER if you "learn your lesson" though! Cause this is WAY past that point! This is "cutting off the tumor before it kills us" territory, and buddy? Amity ISNT the tumor. Go forth a grow, just like you wanted.
They won't be here to fix your messes anymore.
Because Danny got himself a dictionary thick "I Wish..." contract. Which was worded, as it needs to be, in one loooooooong run on sentence. Shouted "I Wish what's written on THIS, as it is currently, and without any form of editing or negotiation!" As fast as he could. Yote the document in Desiree's direction. And Flew like an INCANDESCENTLY pissed off Genie was trying to set his everything of fire.
Which she was.
Thankfully, Paulina came in clutch with her History of all things Jewelry, world fashions, and Make-Up knowledge. That, coupled with the Power Of Rich Friends(tm)? (Sam. Her mother was THRILLED to take her Jewelry and clothing shopping for something other then blacks and dark purple. They went on a jet setting whurl-wind tour. Sam actually kinda liked a some of what she found.)
They have Apology Bribes.
They shamelessly HIDE behind the mountain of Apology Bribes, while they explain themselves. Is Desiree HAPPY? No. But those bracelets are magnificent and she DOES deserve nice things. Those silks will really bring out her eyes. And she... DOES... admit...
Maybe...
That things are not... SAFE. Any longer. Danny TRIES. Everyone else can see it. And he's made incredible strides! Even convinced his lunatic parents. Though they're still not quite POPULAR. (WAY too pushy and invasive with their questions, for most people.) But the fanatics in white?
They nearly killed Box Lunch. If her father hadn't BEEN there...
And the poor man will have that scar on his back for the rest of his afterlife. Desiree can see why Danny is pushing. Does she LIKE it? No. But...
She supposes she will content herself with the suffering of the Fanatics in White and all who support them. THEIR wishes, twisted. Their ugly heart's desires.
Fine.
"SO YOU WISH IT. SO IT SHALL BE!"
And? The ghost town of what WOULD of one day grown into Amity, had the witch's there not been found by those they had fled from, which sits in long rotted ruins, amongst the trees in nowhere Illinois? Poof! Two "Towns" are switched.
The roads out of town coming to a clean line stop, meeting not even goat paths. Just trees. Old growth.
But it's not ALL of Town, is it? Faces missing. New, confused, faces from every corner of the map, taking their place. No Limnal left behind. No supporter of the GIWs genocide, brought along. Family's kept together where they could be. But by the few, scared and upset, green flashing eyes of children in the crowd?
It seemed for some, it was easier to fear and hate, then love their children.
Already they were being gathered up by school teachers and PTA parents. As everyone tried to figure out what had happened. Concerned, quite muttering a dull roar as everyone tries to coordinate.
Red Huntress joins Danny and Dani in the Sky. She doesn't get a word in. Wanted to know what the HELL was going on. She was with her dad in Chicago! Dani was in Taiwan! Literally! As in, sitting in a SUBWAY station one second, the next? Outside!
But they don't get to demand those answers. Because there is a sonic boom on the horizon. And then? Floating... weird... not ghosts?
Uuuuuuhhhh?
Hi?
That much blue... sure is a Statement. Like the cape and... bloooomers? Shorts. Bikini bottoms? It.. it's a Cool Look, dude! No, really. They are being VERY supportive here! If YOU like it? That's the only thing that matters!
Red Huntress smacks the Danny/i's Repeated upside their heads and demans to know what the Not-Ghosts are doing in their airspace.
Oh YEAH. Good point! What she said! And can it WAIT? They're kinda going through A Thing right now...
Kon? Wants it on record he loves these guys. They're hilarious. The LOOK on Clark's FACE?? He wishes he could frame it. Preserve it for future generations. Thing is? There was NOT a town here a second ago.
Well, bout 30 minutes or so, but you get the idea. One moment? Tree noises. Bam! Thousands of people! Obviously the checked it out. Only to be met with two... three maybe? Heros who have NO IDEA who they are.
Clear Reality warping shenanigans. Might be time travel or multiverse. Question is... are they STAYING? And if SO? What now...
@hdgnj @ailithnight @the-witchhunter @nerdpoe @dcxdpdabbles @mutable-manifestation @hypewinter
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I do not know if you have ever thought about it, but listen! Last night I came up with a funny idea where Nadia and her friend decided to have fun and did a survey among bots. who do they think they would fuck that night and obviously almost all the bots have chosen our favorite ambassador. I would be interested to see the ambassador's reaction to this prank from Nadia😁良い一日を。💕
Pay back-Human affects
Word count: 2.2k
Warnings: pin-up photoshoot, mentioned nudity, thirsting, unhinged behaviour.
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Is it nearly 1am, yes, but I wanted to finish this piece because it was written with the last part, but I wanted it to split it for these requests.
Ask and request are open
________
The Ambassador sat with the three surfing what was essentially the cybertronian version of Twitter, Tumblr and Reddit all in one, laughing and reading the post.
"Ooo, this one's juicy!" Nadia crowed, shoving her datapad in the Ambassador's face, making them read through yet another raunchy post.
DockDawg66: "Primus, you guys, have you SEEN our Ambass? The way their hips sway when they walk...I just wanna toss 'em in my cab and take 'em for a spin, if you catch my drift! That soft little organic is begging for a spike the size of their torso. Bet I could make 'em sing."
The whole crew roared with laughter as the Ambassador snatched the pad, face heated in embarrassment, they were aware that some of the bots on ship had a thing for them but this, this was not what they had expected they literally had a full forum dedicated to them.
"Have you no shame, you pervs?" They huff out while pressing a hand to their forehead. Millian scanned down their notes with a smirk. " it seems you've got a bit of a fanclub, chief. Check out 'Ambass_Admirer' tag
'I just wanna rub my plating all over that smooth flesh...make 'em squeal.' They go on like that for paragraphs, it's a riot."
The Ambassador rolled their eyes good-naturedly as their motley human crew dissolved once more into giggles at the bots' oh-so-secret desires. Their jaw nearly drops as the crew scrolls through even more posts. "Fucking hell! How many of these are there!?!?"
"Seriously, it's like every other bot's got the hots for you!" Millian snorted, scrolling furiously. Nadia nudged them with a wicked smirk. "We should totally roast these pervs. Post looking for 'hot single bots' - bet their inboxes would explode!"
Millian cackled, adding fuel. "Ooh, or you could play hard to get! anyone feel like earning a private photoshoot?' Their circuits would short for sure!"
Ambassador's could feel the colour nearly draining from them with the continued bullying and jokes from the three. As for feeding such flames... Well, a little harmless teasing did feel justified, if they wanted to be fiends what was stopping the Liaison from being one back.
"Alright you hooligans, enough scheming for one night." They chuckled. That's when Taylor speaks up. " you know we could do a bit of a spicy photoshoot, kinda like only Fans make some money of horny bots," she hums while leaning over the Ambassador's shoulder. "Taylor!" The Ambassador sputtered with embarrassment and shock.
"Now there's an idea..." Millian mused, eyeing their boss. Money could go far in this ragtag outpost, and fleecing horny mechs of their shanix just felt poetic.
"Alright you lunatics, I will play along. But first-" They turned to Taylor with a stern look. "Ground rules. Nothing goes public without my say-so, got it? I don't need an invasion of metal pervs in my room!"
They three nearly squeal in delight over the go ahead. "So how far are we going to go with this boss, just some light stuff like you laying on a bed or what?" Millian asked. The three are already scheming ways to do decent photos.
"Oh, oh I have a camera somewhere"
"So... I may have been able to talk One First aid into giving me Ratchet's old servos from before we ended up on ship. Don't ask how" one of the others stated.
The Ambassador rubbed their temples, already regretting this scheme but far too amused to back out now.
"Alright, you loons - nothing explicit, got it? I'm not getting Naked for anyone, Classy pin-up style shots fine, some saucy photos sure but that only." They start laying out ground rules for the three,despite being their boss, they were also friends and they did want to enjoy some letting loose. "And I suppose props could...add a dash of naughty flair, but if we are doing this you guys act professional, don't make weird comments."
As the crew dove into planning, they shook their heads fondly. "We'll start simple - you lounging in 'sexy' clothes, maybe leaning on those servos. Gauge how you feel, then amp it up gradually if you feel comfortable."
"And I get 30% of all earnings!" The Liaison called after them as they scramble to grab what they can for the shoot.
Both Millian and Taylor carted in the servos on a trolley, the ambassador was almost impressed but decided to keep their questions to themself, not really wanting to know how they got ahold of severed cybertronian hands. The three are trying to figure out where to start and what the ambassador should wear.
"I swear if Kyle, David or Daniel find out about this I'm putting all three of you on cleaning duty for forever." The Ambassador threatens them, hands on hips, eyeing the bustling preparations with mingled amusement and trepidation. What had they unleashed upon this ship?
"Boss, take a look, scored this silky robe that's sure to drive 'em wild!" Nadia called, holding up the item in question with a smirk.
Millian hauled over a plush bed adorned with soft blankets and pillows from over in the corner Of their room. "Lay back here while Taylor and I do a test shoot, just want to try and set up lightly."
They move to lay on the bed, trying to get comfortable and move things until they feel right. Millian snaps a few pics before the Liaison stands back up looking at the box of clothing.
Nadia and Taylor begin moving the Servos trying to get them set up as close to the bed as possible. “I'm so glad these are holo on the inside, they are Heavy enough” Taylor huffs out and the move and curl the digits.
The Ambassador looks at the different clothing and fabrics with a raised eyebrow. "Do I want to know where you guys got all of this?" They ask. The three just give mischievous looks.
They let out a sigh. "We will start off with something like this, then you lot can play dress ups with me, Christ never knew you three were this much of a nightmare"
"Alright you troublemakers, out with you while I change," they chide their over-eager crew, shooing them from the room with a laugh. Once alone, they unfurl the silky robe reverently, resting it on the bed before peeling off their uniform. Neatly piling it together. They rummage through the other clothing grabbing out a rather nice looking set of underwear before dragging luxurious sheen robe over their shoulders.
They move over to Millian's set before calling out to them. "I'm changed, you can come back in" they call out. Millian's head popped in, eyes widening at the vision before them. "Boss, you clean up nice!" They let out a low whistle.
The liaison's eyes trace over the large Servos on the ground with a pile of pillows and blankets set between them. "So how are we doing this?" They ask. Nadia and Taylor piled in behind, stopping in their tracks at the enticing sight. The Ambassador lounged lazily amid plush bedding, silhouetted seductively against the soft lights. Those mighty metal servos loomed ominously close.
Taylor shook off her daze first. "Lay back and get comfy. We'll start with some innocent stuff - just look smouldering while you toy with the fabric." With that the three moved around getting lights set so they had the height for the photos. “I'm starting to get suspicious on why you guys have all of this equipment in here Millian.” They call out only for them to wave the accusation off. “Eh I do photos for Nadia on occasions”
"Alright, lay back against those pillows- yeah, just like that. Now arch your back a little and tilt your chin up," Nadia instructed eagerly, moving a few pillows into a good position, Ambassador's gaze up with eyes half lidded. “I feel so stupid doing this!” They call out which makes the others laugh. “Ahh don't worry, last time Nadia did a shoot she nearly lost the bikini top she was wearing because it got caught. Spend ten minutes trying to not have to cut it off” Taylor informed.
“Yea I didn't want to wreck one of my favourites!”
Millian gave a low whistle. "You're doing great, I promise the more you laugh the less awkward it is. Now trail one hand slowly down your chest while the other grips the robe's lapel." Taylor surveyed their work, making subtle adjustments here and there.
"You two- move that big metal hand like it's gently cupping their waist." The crew buzzed around their model putting touches in place. Each minute adjustment drew out as they chatted away about random stuff while doing the photos, it helped them not feel so awkward about doing the photos.
"Alright, I think we've got our money shot," Millian declared at last, snapping one final smouldering image. The shutter clicked rapidly as they tested angles, coaxing out new provocative poses little by little. They stand back up, wrapping the robe around themself as they walk over to Millian. " Can I see the photos? They were rather excited, this wasn't something they normally did, but the three were actually rather professional with it.
The group looked at the photos as Millian slowly flicked through the collection showing off the collection along with some of the more silly ones they took to help ease the tension. The silky robe clung to curves in all the right places, every inch of exposed flesh looked as if it glowed. Bedroom eyes beckoned from heavy lids, lips parted as if panting from passion's heights recently scaled. One hand grasped the large metal hand.
"Holy shit, you really got me good!" They breathed, awed by photos that the three had helped craft. Nadia gave a devilish grin. "Just wait till the boys get an eyeful. They won't know whether to rub one out or combust on the spot!"
Laughter spilled forth from them as Millian begins transferring them over to their data pad. “this was fun, I can see why you enjoy doing it Nadia, I haven't felt this..”
“Beautiful?”
“handsome?”
"Desirable?”
The three state one after another which gets a head shake from the Liaison. “Yes, “ They admit.
"Also how exactly are we going to be posting these photos?" Inquiry, the were feeling rather daring now and wanted to have input on the posting.
They ushered the others close, datapad in hand. "Here's what we'll do- I've got an anonymous account on one of those seedy Commlink forums the bots love. You know, the one where they all drool over flesh?"
Nadia snorted. "Oh yeah, the 'Human Fucker' board. Classy place."
Millian ignored her, pulling up the photos. "I'll post just one crop out whatever you want for your comfort - the money shot where your hand is gripping that servo. Caption will be 'Look who I've got...' nothing else."
“don't crop it post the full thing, I like it and well they want to play with fire this is what happens” the Ambassador hums which makes Taylor cackled, rubbing her hands together. "Mark my words, those mechs will be tripping over themselves trying to claim the 'lucky bot' title," Millian promised gleefully.
Commlink forum: human fucker.
Ambass_Admirer pin.
Tin_Bin25: 'Look who I've got.'
a photo of a bots servos cupped partly around a human in a Satin robe looking rather Ravished, smiling up while their robe is hanging off their shoulder showing off a rather scandalous amount of skin.
Overcharger69: Holy frag is that the Ambass? Lucky slagger, frag what a fine piece!!!
T-Wrexz: No way!. Someone Fragging did it. They got with a Fleshie!
Rev-Rid3: some lucky mech sampled fleshy friction and got the dream...
Flyboi69: : FRAG THIS WHO CARES WHO FRAGGED THEM I JUST WANNA KNOW IF THEY'RE AS SOFT AS THEY LOOK!!!!
ScienceSorcerer: My oh my, what scandalous treasures, do share more with the class! For historical and scientific purposes, of course.
Oiler69: No way, you can't just Post that! Do you have more, Post em up already, need more Proof!
_Heavyhaul: Hey, hey, keep it in your panel's mechs. That photo wasn't released with their consent, it's not cool.
Tin_Bin25: Here is another.
It's a new photo showing the Ambassador lying back against pillows in a low cut silk robe, one hand trailing lazily across their collar while the other grips a metal servo their face pressed against one of the digits as they kiss it, gazing at the camera with hooded eyes
How's that for proof, sceptic? I've got permission for their personal photoshoot, even let me post without hiding their face. Bet your spikes would glitch seeing them like this in person.
Scope_ridge: *venting noises* Frag me sideways, they look good enough to eat! This is officially the best solar cycle ever.
Bar-rizzla: Why, they positively glow with sensuality! One can only imagine the debauchery that inspired such provocative portraits.
StarFielder: Seriously, does anyone have any idea who the lucky mech was? Gotta be someone important...
WPHAS-violation: my Shanix is on it being an officer right? Bet it was Magnus!, rather tasteful compared to the stuff I make.
Con_Spiracy: got me wonderin' - think any other bots have been sampling alien delights?
SunRunner: Whoa, hold up- you've got a whole collection? Heater's firing up over here! *fans self jokingly*
Pimptheride: Hey mech, wanna pass those images over? How much you asking for?
Bar-rizzla: I've got enough engex to trade for a peek! C'mon Tin, help a bot out with his late night activities...
_________
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#transformers#transformers idw#transformers x human#transformers x reader#mtmte#transformers lost light#valveplug#rodimus#whirl transformers#Bluestreak#swerve idw#sunstreaker#human effects
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FYF7: Break and Enter (18+)
Available now for $3 on itch.io
In the dead of night, somebody tries the front door. The window rattles. A lock turns. A young man sleeps oblivious in his bed, freshly showered and out for the count. There is an intruder in the house, but he's not here for cash or for the silverware. He's here to please his husband.
This is how Stefan and Remy play.
5k words in EPUB and PDF format, with a cover by the midnight marvel Taylor Titmouse.
Content:
M/M
Drug use
Somno kink play
Established relationship
Home invasion fantasies
🌆OUT NOW - $3 ON ITCH.IO🌆
This is the seventh in the Fuck Yourself Friday series of shorts. New stand-alone erotic stories are released on the last Friday of every month.
FYF 1: Go Fuck Yourself
FYF 2: Shrinking Violet
FYF 3: Meatheads
FYF 4: Lucky Little Lunatics
FYF 5: Old Dog, New Trick
FYF 6: Seeing You
Or get stories 4-6 as a bundle for $7 until the end of November!
These stories contain explicit sexual content, and are intended for 18+ audiences.
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@charliekirk11
The illegal Guatemalan who burned a woman to death on the NYC subway, Sebastian Zapeta, was deported under Trump's "racist and xenophobic" immigration policies, and then snuck back into our country, but was never deported again under the Democrats' "humane and compassionate" open border.
There is nothing humane about allowing an invasion of criminals, thugs, and unvetted murderers into your country. It's humane to stop them, block them, arrest them, and deport them so Americans can live in peace and safety.
Shame on every treasonous, open border lunatic who betrayed our country. Mass deportations can't come soon enough.
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Incursio Infernalis
[latin] - "hellish invasion", a phrase used during an exorcism to describe a demonic possession
18+ / 5,3k. words / Alexander Anderson x f! Reader / not proofread
-> Prequel <- (not necessary to understand the story)
Synopsis: An Incubus takes over your mentor and unveils his impure secret.
Warnings: Dubious consent, unprotected sex, loss of virginity, angst, blood, biting, knive play, bit of dirty talk/slut shaming, breeding kink, threats, abuse, self-harm, probably more...
⚠️Dead Dove - Do Not Eat⚠️
"When will Father Anderson return?"
"Very soon." You smile down to the children that had gathered on the cozy carpet front of the chimney, closing the book you had read to them until now. "He is still on a mission, but he promised to be back tonight. And he also told me that he'll bring you lots of gifts!"
"Can we stay up until he's here?" one of the older children asks excited, and all the others join in, babbling about preparing a 'welcome-back-party' for their beloved caregiver.
An adoring sight, never failing to warm your heart.
"I don't mean to spoil the fun" you interrupt their cheering, clasping your hands together in a placating manner. "But I fear it'll be far too late for you to bear. How about we let him sleep in and make a nice breakfast together? I bet he'd be delighted."
"Okay..." they half-whine, not seeming very enthusiastic and yet their manners deny them any objection. After all, Anderson teaches them strict but loving nonetheless.
One of the many things you admire about the Paladin.
After the evening routine and tucking them all into bed, you hear your foster-children whisper and giggle behind the closed bedroom door. You didn't mean to eavesdrop, but their little voices echo through the hallway nonetheless.
"Father Anderson and Miss Y/L/N are almost like a real mom and dad!" One of them declares happily, and all of the other kids aggree. You smile to yourself long after you had reached your own humble chamber, a familiar warmth encoating you as you repeat their words in your mind, reminiscing about the past.
Yes. Despite everything that had happened, you finally have a home. People you love and might even dare calling family. It's all you ever dreamt of and so much more.
Truth be told: When you first met Iscariot's most valuable asset, you were completely and utterly terrified. Back then you could've never imagined what a kind and gentle soul lied beneath this bloodthirsty lunatic.
Anderson had found you to be the last survivor of a vampire's attack - most likely due to your virginhood - and instantly fell into a murderous rampage. The man killed anything and anyone in sight, slaughtering himself through eldritch horrors and Ghouls alike while laughing manically, as if he was having the time of his life.
The situation itself was already traumatic and bizarre beyond belief, but when you saw the Priest's limbs getting torn off just to grow back in the blink of an eye, you were sure he was just as much of a monster as the ones taking you captive.
You thought this was nothing more than a fight among predators, and you'd continue to be the doomed prey nonetheless.
The sight of him was forever carved into your brain: He was covered in blood and viscera, strained breaths visible as feeble mist in the cold warehouse when he finally turned his attention to you. Realizing you were still paralyzed in fear, he kneeled down to your height, making himself appear harmless - an impossible task for a man of his calibre.
As soon as he reached out for you a distraught scream escaped your pursed lips, and you shuffled away until your back had contact with the metal wall behind.
"My my" he spoke, voice gravely and laced with genuine concern. "I am a man of god, my dear. You have nothing to worry about."
"Lies" your survival instinct was practically hammering against your skull, but what could you ever do against the literal behemoth right in front of you? It was hopeless, so you decided to just give in to your fate.
Still you hissed when he dared touching you, squeezing your eyes shut to prepare for the inevitable - but instead of pain, a strange warmth encoated your trembling form. It was his coat that he draped over you, gloved hands only briefly running up and down the sides of your shoulders before giving them a reassuring pat.
"Poor gal. Are you hurt?" You mutely shake your head, too exhausted to speak. The smile he then presented to you was more frightening than soothing, a snarl with his unusual sharp canines that made you wonder if he was not entirely human after all. "Then please let me accompany you home. It's the least I can do."
Home... There was no such thing, not even before all of this. You had led an empty life, devoid of any meaningful connections.
Maybe it was the shock that made you think about such trivial things, or maybe his calming aura made you comfortable enough to open up for the first time in your life.
But now that the imminent threat to your life was gone, realization hit you like a tidal wave: You don't want to go back.
"I-" you stop yourself, feeling a suffocating lump form in your throat. "I don't have a home. I have no one."
There was no way of reading his expression until then, the reflection of his glasses hiding away his eyes. But the corner of his mouth pointed downwards, and there were deep wrinkles appearing on his forehead with every word that dropped from your lips, as if he was contemplating something.
"I'm...I'm sorry, that was a stupid thing to say. Thank you for saving me, really. Forget what I just sai-"
Before you could even finish your rambling, the man had picked you up out of a whim, holding you firmly but careful in his arms. Not really something you ecpected a priest to do, but compared to your earlier torment it felt not as much like a fever dream.
Only now you were able to see the deep blue of his eyes, an oddly calming sensation in the gentleness of his gaze. This time his smile is less forced, and you decide you like it after all.
"Well, I'm always glad to help a lost soul in need. In any way I can, and I assure you I'm good at more than just slaying beasts." He snorts at his own joke before jubilantly explaining "I own the orphanage Ferdinant Lukes, a safe place for children that have lost their families due to the occult. It's very secluded and doesn't have much to offer, but we can surely make room for another helping hand. If that's what you want, I mean."
The offer catched you off guard, especially since you haven't even started processing what happened beforehand. And yet you quietly aggree, tears of relief wettening his shirt as he carried you away to a blissful life.
That was four years ago, and not once you regretted your choice.
He assured you that he never brought you here out of pity, but because you reminded him of himself. Once he was also lost and without purpose, and he admired your strenght to accept help and not give up.
You sigh dreamily as you fall backwards onto your mattress, picking up the only belonging you have on the nightstand. Its a photo of you, Anderson and 'your' children during a field trip to a christian museum. Letting your fingers run across the glass frame, you can't help but notice that Anderson has saved you in more ways than just one.
But your gratitude was a dangerous soil, and over time it had blossomed into more than just innocent admiration.
As a priest he had taken a vow of chastity, and there is no way a devout catholic like himself would ever give in to such temptations, let alone be receptive to them at all.
Approaching him in this way would definetly endanger the life you had built at his side. And isn't the way things are almost the same as a relationship, if not even better?
Doesn't seem like he'll be back any time soon. Maybe you should go to bed. Usually you'd wait for his return, make some coffee and listen to his stories - but given your current sentiments, it was for the better to postpone this until a good night's sleep returns your common sense.
Just when you had snug under the blanket, a faint noise from the other room makes you jolt up again. "That damn cat..." you think, staring through the door into the pitch black room - but then you see something that makes your stomach turn.
The window stood wide open, and you were 100% sure you had never opened it today. It was the midst of winter, after all. Come to think of it, you remember letting the cat outside in the garden hours ago.
"So you're really still awake."
You shriek at the unexpected grim voice, only now noticing the tall silhouette hiding in a dark corner of the room. When did this person enter, how, and especially why?
Since you got no means to defend yourself with, you decide the best step of action is to turn on your bedside lamp and make out the intruder.
"Anderson...?" You tilt your head to the side, visibly confused. In an instant, all of your tension disappears into thin air. "What are you doing in here? How improper, even for your standards."
His lack of reaction made you uneasy, but he did have a lot of weird mannerisms. You got used to them over time.
You cross your arms in front of your chest, narrowing your eyes at the man. Usually, he found your pitiful attempts at scolding him rather cute than anything, but that wouldn't stop you. "Would you mind waiting outside so I can get dressed in dignity?"
Instead of answering, he cackled. Not his usual, weird but heartfelt laugh, no - he burst out in an insane fit that was almost intimidating if you didn't know him any better. "No, that won't be necessary."
Something was off, you could feel it.
And where is that trademark accent of his?
While you trusted Father Anderson with your life, it could be kind of creepy when he didn't snap out of his rush of the hunt. You especially didn't want the children to see him this way.
"Hey, Anderson" you coo, approaching him like one would a rabid animal. "I'll make you some tea to calm you down. How'd you like that?"
"So delightfully naive" he eventually spoke, firm steps menacingly stepping into the dim light. "I'm going to enjoy this."
You gasped when your eyes met his, but instead of the usual icy blue staring back at you were crimson red irises.
A demonic possession.
Immediately your mind started racing. What happened? How is that even possible?
...and why is he here of all places?
Dread creeps up your consciousness as your imagination conjures countless atrocities, all committed by the man you believed to be indomitable.
"You know" as if the fiend could read your thoughts, he started explaining. "He has an exceptionally strong will...but I knew it'd be worth wringing out his mind to find you."
"M-Me?" you wanted to distract him, reaching for the rosary around your neck - Anderson once gifted it to you for protection. Maybe if you ram it somewhere... "But why-"
"Shh..." In an instant he leaped towards you, one palm harshly cupping your mouth as the other tore the wooden ornament apart. On it's stead he wrapped his long fingers around your throat, the lack of oxygen making you dizzy. "I like the feisty ones, but you shouldn't try anything funny. We won't want to wake the children, don't we?"
No. NonononoNO! Not the children. Please. Anything but them.
"Don't worry, sweetheart..." The familiarity of his voice hurt. It was smooth and sweet as honey, just as you knew it. But his actions were the exact opposite. "If you behave, they'll get to live. I don't have enough time for both, you know? And you're my priority."
The man wearing Anderson's face had you pinned against the wall, a knee prying open your legs and nestling high up between your thighs. You feel his tongue slide across your chin up to your cheeks, savouring the taste of your tears. A strangled sob fills the room, but you needed to stay strong. For the kids. For Anderson.
"Father, please..." you hiccup, and he increases the pressure to your neck just enough to be uncomfortable. "Oh, you want to play Priest and Harlot huh? I like that."
You kick your feet in the air, but to no avail - and your struggle only excites him further. "Anderson! You need to fight it! I know you're still in there!"
"Oh, he sure is" the demon taunts in amusement, "Watching, hearing, feeling" he emphasizes the last word with a squeeze of your sides, "Everything I do to you will be as if he did it himself. So let's give him a show, shall we?"
You shiver.
"Too bad you can't hear him scream." He grins manically as he taps against his forehead. "The undefeated executioner begging me to spare you. Delightful."
"Why-" You wanted to ask why he chose you, but were dreading the answer. "Why are you doing this?"
The demon shrugged. "I may be unable to defeat him, but I can hurt him in other ways. Through you."
He lifts you up as if you weight nothing at all, harshly tossing you onto the mattress. You squeal and writhe as he climbs on top of you, his weight suffocating. He balls a fist in your hear, janking your head up and forcing you to look at him. "See, I'm an Incubus. You know what that is?"
Of course you do. Given time you learned a lot about the different otherworldly species. It's a male-presenting demon that mates with innocent women and eventually kills them afterwards.
The thought should terrify you, but the only thing present in your mind is that they are nocturnal, and it's already close to dawn. So if you drag this out, he definetly wont be able to harm anyone else.
You need to endure whatever he does to you. You owe this to Anderson.
"Maybe I should kill you while I'm at it?" One of the ceremonial bayonets is suddenly pressed against your throat, enough to draw blood without breaking the skin too severely. The scent makes him groan, and soon the sting of the blade was replaced by the ache of his teeth sinking in your neck. "Mhh...no" he licks the liquid from his lips, "It'll be way more rewarding to know he'll have to look into your eyes every single day after what I make him do to you."
The demon sure takes an agonizingly long time, using the bayonett to cut off the buttons of your nightgown but growing impatient and tearing it apart with his bare hands.
You bite hard on your bottom lip when you hear your underwear get torn with a snap, but he pries your hands away each time you try to shield yourself from his piercing glare.
"You know" he speaks between gritted teeth, using them to pry off his gloves. His hands are cold and calloused, touch sending a shiver down your spine. "It's only so easy for me because he wants it."
Goosebumps rose on your skin as his fingers traced their way from your collarbone over your breasts and down to settle between your thighs. You furrow your brows in confusion, heart fluttering against your will but reminding yourself to not fall for his cheap tricks.
"Don't believe me, eh?" he chuckles darkly, continuing his monologue. "If only you knew how often your so-called holy father has touched himself while thinking of you- oh yes you did!" He seems to speak to the man trapped inside of his own mind and you can't help but feel bad for Anderson despite your own situation.
"So what?" you snap back at the fiend, "Shut up and do what you must. But I believe in the Paladin. He will definetly send you back straight to hell, sooner or later!" Your gaze then softens as you adress your dear friend. "Anderson, it's alright...whatever he says or does, don't blame yourself. I won't."
That made your assaulter's eyes widen in realization. "Oh...you're in love with him, aren't ya?"
Silence.
"Such a little whore" he deduces at your lack of an answer, "Trying to seduce a priest...and for him to be corrupted that easily? Pathetic."
You opened and closed your mouth a few times, but couldn't grasp the words that crossed your mind. Not that it'd be any help to your situation either way.
"Don't you want to confess? That'd be fun." You frantically shake your head, the little defiance you could allow himself, but he still had the upper hand nonetheless. "Do it or I'll kill you with his bare hands."
"...forgive me, father."
"Forgive me father aaaand?" he mocks playfully as he settles between your legs. You swallow harshly, tears dwelling in your eyes. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
"Good girl" he breathed in your ear, and hearing those words in Anderson's voice involuntarily sends a wave of arousal straight to your core. "Now to your punishment."
"P-Please-" all of your earlier fight left you when you saw him unzip his pants. His cock was proportional to his inhuman size, which both astonished and worried you. "Its too big, it won't fit."
"Well, sadly the bible forbids any foreplay, so no prep for you. Don't wanna go out of character, yes?" You lash out at him, try to push against his chest, but he is way too strong.
Just pretend it's him, just pretend it's him...
You arch your back to adjust to his lenght, his eyes rolling into the back of his head at the sensation of pushing into you.
And then he stills - when he sees you bleed.
"Don't tell me you're-"
"Yes" you answer truthfully, something deep inside of you hoping that it might help Anderson to regain control again. "I am- was untouched..."
However instead of snaping Anderson our of it, the demon's eyes haze even deeper with lust. "Today's my lucky day, it seems! Don't worry, unlike your friend here I'm experienced. You should thank me."
His mouth twists to a terrifying grin when he adds "Ruining you will certainly break him, I'm sure."
There was no mercy in his pace, the way he was using you for his pleasure. It burned, sending every nerve on fire in a mixture of arousal and fear.
No matter how hard you fight it, no matter how wrong and twisted it may be, the man in front of you was still Anderson - so it didn't take long until your pleas and cries slowly but steadily turned into lewd moans.
"Yeah" he utters countless profanities in between animalistic sounds, "I knew you'd enjoy this, you little bitch. You were so wet for him before I even started."
Why does the abomination that tormented you have to wear the face of your beloved savior?
You bury your face into your hands, hiding away in shame at your body's natural reaction. But he fiercely grabs your wrists and pins them over your head. "Look. At. Me."
He put one hand under your navel, feeling himself bulge you from the inside. "The Paladin fantasized about putting a child into this womb" he stated gloatingly, enjoying the way your face drops in panic. "Should we make his wish come true?"
"N-No, don't-" And yet your legs already draped over his shoulders, making him enter you even deeper.
You claw at his back as he roughly pounds into you, and yet find yourself caressing the same spot you just attacked. He looked, sounded, smelled just like Anderson, and even though you could never be able to even scratch him, you didn't have the heart to fight.
Anderson shouldn't have to remember you suffering at his hands.
So instead your fingers rake through his hair, cracking a saddened smile as you reassure him, murmuring sweet affirmations his way. Soon you come undone, his name dropping from your lips like a sacred prayer. He finishes close after you, spilling as much as possible inside of your quivering folds.
You were so caught in the afterwaves of your orgasm that you didn't even notice the sun was raising on the horizon, the first rays threatening to brighten this darkest night.
"That sure was a treat" the demon spoke self-satisfied, "May we meet again."
He kisses you. Even that first time he stole from you, tainting the memory with his vile deeds. It is harsh and demanding, tongue entering your mouth just as violently as he had done before.
And then the tension in his body loosens, falling slack on top of you. His lips barely ghost yours now, careful and tender before he pulls away.
"A-Alexander?" It's the first time you're adressing him with his first name and if it wasn't for such a sorrowful occasion, he'd be able to enioy the way it sounded in your voice.
The red in his eyes had ebbed away, and now you're sure he's blinking back tears as he looks down at the aftermath, your trembling form beneath him. Face stained with tears, bites and bruises scattered across your body.
Wanting to give you space he almost stumbles from the bed, finally giving you the opportunity to cover yourself with the blanket. For a while, both of you just stared at each other in strained silence, but you could almost physically feel him spiral into despair.
"Father, are you-"
"I'll have the nuns come and tend to your wounds" he declares almost matter-of-factly, practically fleeing the scene.
That was the last you'd hear or see from him in a while.
They tell you that for a whole week, he would ram nails into his hands like stigmata to punish himself. He would mostly lock himself away in his room, and wouldn't talk except for citing concerning bible verses.
So far so in character. Anderson has always been melodramatic. But what really worries you is the fact that he apparently lets his duty slack. His priesthood means everything to him, you might even say he is fanatic.
[James 1:14+15]
"But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death."
A knock on your door breaks your pondering, and you call whoever it is inside. Even after this traumatizing experience you had refused to lock your door, your belief in Iscariot and Anderson unwavering.
Some visitors would be a welcomned distraction, since the nuns refused to let you go to work again already. You weren't really injured besides for minor cuts and bruises, yet they insisted you allow your spirit to heal just the same.
Quickly the room is swarmed by a hoarde of children, all surrounding the bed you had currently made yourself cozy to read in. You crack a warm smile and try to answer all of them, even though they were talking simultaneously out of excitement. They brought you selfmade sweets and drawings, telling you how worried they were and how much you were missed.
Despite the noise you make out another sound mingling from behind, and you quickly realized who those footsteps belonged to. The kids waved for him to come and he sheepishly entered, as always having to crouch to fit through the doorframe.
They had to practically drag him inside, several children tugging on the sleeve of his coat and pushing onto his back to make him come closer than the wall opposite to you he had chose to stay at.
"It's good to see you, father" you encourage him with some affectionate words, which he gladly reciprocated. "The same goes for you."
"We got some great news!" the orphans cheer in unison, "Father Anderson told us he had torn apart the demon that hurt you! And not only that, he gave it a long, excruciating demise!"
"Oh, is that so?" You quirked a brow at this choice of words coming from gradeschoolers. He likes to scare the younglings so they won't fall astray from their path, but you really need to have a word with him about age-appropriate storytelling. "That's...wonderful."
"We've implemented new precautions" Anderson reluctantly added after clearing his throat, still remaining a safe distance to not make you uncomfortable. "So something like...that won't happen again."
The Paladin's smile was solely to appease to the children, but it did not nearly reach his eyes. There was a profound sadness in them that made your chest narrow, and the dark circles under his eyes were evidence of worsened insomnia.
"I appreciate your hard work" you say, "And it was very considerate to not come alone."
"Not like I had a choice" he sighed, "The flock begged me to accompany them for days." That made you snicker. An enigma like him, unable to refuse his protégés any wish.
"Alexander Anderson!" a strict voice cut right through the commotion, making all of you flinch. "What did you even think coming here?"
The Reverend Mother was probably the only person that did not fear the Paladin - quite the opposite even. The man in front of her was still seen as the unruly child she once raised in this very orphanage.
"Please, Holy Mother, let it be" you assure her, "It's alright. I needed some interaction. It was refreshing, really!"
She shot him a look full of contempt, but surprisingly yielded. "Come, children. It's close to bedtime and Y/N needs to rest."
"Stay" you ask firmly, as Anderson was just about to rush out with the others. "Let's talk. Please?'
For a while, he was rooted on spot, jaw clenching so hard one could hear his teeth about to crack. But then he turned around, every step towards you feeling like it takes an eternity. And while he seems composed on the outside, you could always detect the storm lying underneath.
Now that the children were gone, he allowed himself to let the mask slip - and you've never seen him so upset before, let alone regretful. Typically he doesn't care about collateral damage since his holy cause always justifies the means.
You smile up at him but he refuses to meet your eyes. "C'mon, take a seat."
Anderson's hands were neatly folded in his lap as he slouched down on the small stool by your bedside, the leather of his gloves creaking as he fondled with his thumbs. He was a perfect picture of misery like that, making himself as small as humanly possible and facing the floor.
For the first time, the priest had nothing to say. No witty advice, no bible quote, nothing.
How was he even supposed to tell you that it was never about carnal desire? It was so incredibly much more profound that only thinking about it made him painfully aware of the thorn his affection for you had struck into his heart.
"Do-" his bottom lip quivers with every syllable, "Do they know if you're with child?"
The question caught you off guard - the possibility of being pregnant was one of the things you had desperately tried to suppress those past few days. "Not yet" you state, against your best efforts unable to keep your voice from shaking. We'll find out in about two weeks."
That answer is enough for the dam to break down.
"I'm sorry, Y/N" he whines as he falls to his knees, face buried in his hands. "I'm so, so sorry."
"Don't be." You sit up onto the edge of the bed, unsure what to do or say. There's nothing that could turn back time either way. So you decide to cup his face in your hands, thumb running across the scar on his cheek before tugging his head onto your lap.
In every other moment he'd roll his eyes at you and rant about how you interpret the bible terribly wrong, but right now he soaked in your words like a plant in the desert.
"Cum peccato tibi odium esto, sed dilige peccantem."
(Lat. 'Hate the sin, but love the sinner'.)
"I have no right to ask for your forgiveness" he tries to repel the temptation of just cradling you in his arms, but you quickly deflect as well. "It's not up to you if I'll grant it to you. Father-"
"Don't call me by this title" he interrupts, "Lust is a cardinal sin, and I...defiled you. I am not worthy of carrying it anymore." It pained you to see him suffer for a sin he didn't commit, blaming himself because of an infatuation he never meant to act upon. "Punishing yourself won't change anything. I don't want you to forsake everything because of someone like me..."
"I will, and it is already decided." You blink in confusion, trying to make sense of his words. "I asked Maxwell to officially relieve me of my position. I'll stay the church's loyal servant and continue my work against the forces of darkness...but only like this I'm able to marry you."
That was certainly the last thing you expected him to say, the bewilderment knocking all air out of your lungs. You looked at him like a deer in the headlights, but he made a placating gesture. "Not like that, woman. It's solely to preserve your honor. We don't need to consummate, and you won't have to see me ever again."
As insane as he is, there is method to his madness. Anderson is very aware of his shortcomings, seeing himself as nothing but a beast that caged itself through religion. He always knew that in the end he was no better than the sinners he forced to repent.
But now that he got a taste of what comes closest to heaven, he is horrified by those haunting memories - because he finds himself enjoying parts of them, appeasing to some of his depraved fantasies.
It is not safe for you to be around him anymore. He needs to send you away, somewhere he can never find you.
"But..." you sniveled and he finally looks at you, "But I want to stay here! With the children, with you!" In your exasperation you tackle hug him, clawing at the hem of his shirt. "This is my home, you are my home! I don't want to go!"
His arms only hover over your shaking body, retracting each time he reaches out for an embrace. You on the other hand cling onto him for dear life, afraid that he'll disappear forever if you let go.
"I love you" you whisper ashamed, "I love you, Alexander. Please don't leave me."
Anderson barks out a bitter laugh at the irony of fate, of him mocking the lord by refusing to believe that even the darkest moment could be a blessing in disguise.
Eventually, his arms wrap around you.
It was not the first time that this body has touched you, but the first time he did. And it was so different, so meek and careful, as if you were something delicate, made out of glass.
"It is not easy to put into words what I never allowed myself to feel" he confesses, closing his eyes and inhaling your scent. You nod slowly against his chest, humming understandingly.
"Everything the demon said, it was true. I catched myself watching you from the windowsill, admiring you from afar. I wrote you letters, poems, each time I was on a mission. Threw them into the fire. It helped grounding myself. But those emotions always came back stronger."
"I love you" you're willing to repeat as often as he needs to hear, "I love you, Alexander Anderson." Maybe he knew all along.
The former priest can't help but remind himself of the Book of Job - tested by god through disaster, yet rewarded for his preservance in the end. Now it's his turn to press you even closer against him, placing a soft kiss on your temple as he slowly accepted this twist of fate he still felt most undeserving for.
"God surely works in mysterious ways."
#hellsing#hellsing ultimate#alexander anderson#alexander anderson x reader#hellsing ova#reader insert#writing#fanfiction#oneshot
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“Someone volunteered herself for noninvasive brain surgery from the lunatic with a sister complex. Or, just as likely, she asked the lunatic psychopath for invasive brain surgery and the other lunatic stepped in. Now Skitter’s broken.”
I get that you're biased and useless Tats, but you can't call Amy a lunatic at this point. She's the most rational and coherent she's been in ages.
Even at her lowest point (thus far), the only person Amy hurt was Vicky, and that was in the first instance an accident or intrusive thought (11h) and... a whole tangled thorny fannish debate, but deeply rooted in the place and time and context and longstanding issues Amy had. Outside of the specific circumstances in which the wretching and/or rape (if you accept this version of events) happened, and the person to whom it happened, Amy is relatively harmless to the average person.
Calling her a lunatic is just... completely groundless.
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FIC REC WEEK 37 – ACTION / ADVENTURE
One Hell of a Wild Ride by missbecky
Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: M Words: 2,817 Tags: Car Chase, Adrenaline-Fueled Sex, Canon-Typical Violence
Summary: A recon mission turns into something a little more than Steve and Tony bargained for. Good thing Tony's got a fast car.
Reasons why I love it: Holy shit, the suspense in this is unreal. I was on the edge of my seat the whole time. And the fact that the whole thing ends in cathartic thank-fuck-we're-alive sex makes it even better. I love this fic so much, and I bet you will too, so I hope you check it out!
absence makes the heart by fantalaimon
Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: G Words: 4,835 Tags: Kidnapping, Humor, First Dates
Summary: “One night,” Tony says, and just flies himself bodily into one of the canary yellow beekeepers like a red and gold battering ram. “I ask for one measly night. One single goddamn night with my boyfriend—” “Oh, is the boyfriend label on now?” Clint asks over the comms.
Reasons why I love it: This fic is the perfect mix of action and humor. The dialogue is hilarious, oh my god, there are so many fantastic lines. And I especially loved Steve and Tony's interactions with the female AIM goon, she's a hoot. Definitely check this one out if you haven't already, it's fantastic!
isolated system by isozyme
Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 1,737 Tags: Blood Loss, Bombs, Hurt Tony
Summary: Here’s the basics: Tony’s bleeding internally, going into shock, and there’s an improvised explosive device fastened to the ceiling of the subway above his head.
Reasons why I love it: I love the Tony Whump in this, he's such a badass. And Steve's heart must have stopped multiple times over the comms, the poor guy. This fic is amazing, and if you haven't read it yet, you definitely should!
If I Die Young by MusicalLuna
Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: M Words: 7,778 Tags: Superfamily, Alien Invasion, Hurt Peter
Summary: Tony and Steve are trying to keep their little boy (who's not so little anymore) out of the superhero business for as long as possible, but when a kid's as stubborn as Peter is, they can't always stop him. And sometimes things go wrong. Really, really wrong.
Reasons why I love it: God, this whole fic makes me so goddamn emotional. Everyone on the team being worried sick for Peter while Peter just wants to protect his dads, it's just - agh, it makes my heart hurt in the best possible way. I love this fic, and if you haven't yet, you should definitely read it!
What You Don't Know by Sineala
Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 9,808 Tags: Marvel Noir, Identity Porn, Hero Worship
Summary: In 1941, two strangers meet in a bar. And then Captain America meets Iron Man. And then Steve Rogers meets Tony Stark. They get it right. Eventually. And also they fall out of an airplane.
Reasons why I love it: Tony truly is a lunatic, and I (and Steve) sure as hell love him for it. The airplane sequence is really fun, and the way it ends gives me all of the delicious tension that I love in action fics. And who doesn't love Noir identity porn? This fic is a joy to read, and I hope you go and experience it for yourself!
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you ain't woman enough
☆ EDDIE MUNSON'S MASTERLIST ☆
❣ AGATHA'S MAIN PAGE ❣
Summary : some crazy diehard fan claims to steal your man, of course- you won't let that happen
Word Count : not too long, I hope
Warnings : 18+ Rockstar!Eddie Munson x FEM!reader, language, reader and Eddie are both (25) also they're MARRIED to each other, no use of y/n, Gareth is (18), Jeff is (20) mentions of a fan having self-harm history, the lunatic fan (I named her Delancy, she's 18) can be very invasive, disrespectful, delusional and too obsessed with Eddie, alcohol consumption, mentions of pregnancy at the end, I think that's just it tho
What to Expect : angst and fluff teehee
Note To Reader : guys, you're not going to believe this because my fever just bounced back again making me suffer once more 💀 (but I'm good right now don't worry)
Author Note : LOVE LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH- OF COURSE YOU KNOW I'VE HAD TO MAKE A FIC WITH IT ;)) (idk if I feel satisfied about this fic but here it goes)
You and Eddie have been together for ages
A bit dramatic, isn't it?
But no, seriously, it's like you spend a lifetime every minute, hour and seconds being with him
Since high school, Eddie thought it's cruel joke when you talked to him for the first time
He had a bit of time to grow on you back then, but when you finally get to know him when he unsheds his layers of showing the tough act to people at school
He is actually very sweet
That's where it all took off
You're always been there
The Hellfire Club campaigns, The Hideout sessions, the best part is that you we're also there when he got his long-awaited diploma
Wayne loves you, gosh, Eddie can still vividly remember the teasing moments that make him so freaking embarrassed when it revealed that Eddie has a crush on you
It's the most silliest confession that you both shared to each other, giggling at the same time
It's also wholesome in a way that you feel like yourself when you're with him than you're own
That's says something
You watch him grew to become one of the highest paid rock bands all of time, Corroded Coffin
Back in graduation in college, he said that he'll marry you and you'll be on his side while he's touring around the world
The words you told him never left his mind
"Always keep your dreams alive, Ed's"
You both love metal music, films, obviously certified nerds, always excited when you're both talking about your favorites
I mean- what's not to love?
"You're ready? sweetheart?"
"Yeah"
You gave him 360° turn to your full ensemble for the tonight's show
Oh, he was stunned at it, he takes a minute to process
"Well?"
"You look fantastic- I mean- hot, super super hot"
You snort "Okay, let's go rockstar"
You've prepared yourself for this since the beginning, the moment that Eddie got himself big time at a record label
You know what you're in for
You're ready to face it all, the tabloids, loads of paparazzi everywhere, awestruck fans that recognize the both of you walking in the streets of L.A
You also know once you entered this business, there's no longer privacy that you knew before
The fandom that Eddie has is like a freaking movement almost like an activist, every false lies, rumors, gossips, they defend him with his bandmates
You adore them, really, grateful for it
The head of the official fanbase of Corroded Coffin is really nice and respects everyone of you, even treat you like normal human beings
They organized parties when it's time for an occasion like Corroded Coffin won a Grammy, New Year's, when someone in the band has a birthday, it's really great
Sometimes, you wish every fan is just like that, or sometimes even not a fan, you wished they'll treat you kindly
While eating lunch with Eddie at a local diner downtown
"You know, there's a young girl keeps looking at our spot for like 30 mins now" Eddie is wearing Ray-Ban black sunglasses as he quietly speaks as he takes a sip of his coffee
You had a mouth full of philly cheesesteak as you turned around to find what your husband is referring to
There, you spot her, when you catch her eyes, she simply look away shyly
You hum as you shrug "It looks like she wants to say something"
"Oh, boy, here she comes"
Before you can react to what he just said, she's now standing to where you both seated but she gave a distance for personal space that leaves an impression to the both of you
Eddie caught a glimpse of the young girl's wrist with marks of healed pocks, you saw it too, he watches her intently but when he saw how genuine her eyes are, he knows this isn't some weird fanatic
You cleared your throat as you smile at the young girl
"Uh- hi, I'm so very sorry, if I made you both uncomfortable but I- I just want to express my gratitude, your songs really helped me a lot and ever since I stopped doing it for 5 years already and I feel a whole lot better and uh- your love story has always been my favorite- it's very inspiring and I've always been looking up to the both of you and uh- yeah thanks for everything" she leaves at that
the young girl went on and on with her slightly ducked down too shy to even look at the both of your eyes
"That's really sweet" you say with twinkling eyes as you kept your eyes on the young girl
"Wow, see- this is why I'm doing this! I will keep on making music when something like that happens! I can help people!" He beams exhilaratingly with a smile
"Eddie, haven't you realized you've been doing this since highschool?" You hold his hand across the table
"Yes, I know and I will do what I do best" he winks and you by that look
You know he's gonna make this interaction memorable
"Hey, kid"
The young girl almost can't believe the Eddie Munson called her out
"We appreciate you so much" he says as he picked the whole new latest album from his bag
Young girl is appalled, felt weak on the knees almost, you giggled at her reaction
To make everything go insane, he even signed the album cover
You hand it out to her "We're so proud of you"
She takes it with shaky hands as she laughs "I-I'm sorry, I'm freaking out inside, thank you so very much"
"You'll be the first person to hear it"
"I'll listen to it once I get home, I will never forget this day in my life!"
You and Eddie both chuckled "Treasure it, sweetie! You deserve it!"
"I love you both so much, you have absolutely no idea! um- I'll be attending your show this coming Saturday" you shyly added with a grin
You squealed as you look at Eddie with excitement, he took his glasses off
"That's very metal, dear" he makes a rock n roll sign as the kid does the same time, both shared laughs
You watched the kid happily as she runs over to her parents with the album in hand as they become starstrucked when they saw both of you, waving at their daughter
You sigh in content "Isn't that just awesome?!?" You slam your hands on the table feeling giddy
Eddie throws his head back in laughter as his mind replays the endearing interaction earlier
"My manager is going to kill me after this"
"Oh, yeah right- you weren't supposed to reveal your latest album yet"
"I doubt it she'll not spread it to everyone"
"I'll drink to that"
Turns out, both of your guts we're right, the young girl didn't leaked the whole ass album for the whole world to hear
The tour was going fantastic, the crowd roars, screams, cheers everyone is going nuts once the band came out the stage
The after-party is your favorite part when the set is done, it's just you, Eddie, Jeff and Gareth hanging out
It's like old times, the difference is that all of you are a part of public figures now
But, no, never once or anyone of you let that get into your head, you don't want to believe or let yourself be aware of that "I'm a celebrity and you're nothing" type of shit, all of you remained humble since day one
No wonder why people adored you so much
Jeff finished his degree last year, now he's got himself a babe beside him, Gareth only have 2 years left at his college
He is so sick of it already, but he won't stop until he finally graduated
"Now, I get it why- Eddie feels so fucking drained after college" Gareth groans as he sats down next to you
"But my tutoring while on the tour bus helped, right?" You gave him an sympathetic smile
He smiles tiredly "Yeah, I'm just so exhausted but I'm almost there"
"That's the spirit!"
"Man, I don't know how you do it, are you getting enough sleep?" Jeff chimes in as he drinks his beer as he awaits for his friend to answer
"I don't even remember when's the last time I got a good night's sleep"
"Your time has run out" a voice rudely interrupted your conversation
You, Jeff, Gareth turn around at the girl who is standing closer to you
Jeff and Gareth shared confusion looks to each other
"Excuse me?" You say as look at her directly
"I said he's done with you"
"Who?"
"Eddie"
Jeff makes a face and Gareth is unamused, offended by it
You tried your best to be polite as you wave your hand in front of her dismissively, maybe it's just some girl who mistakenly thought you're someone that she knew
"He doesn't love you anymore"
Who is this person? You think to yourself
You laugh incredulously as you lean forward, Jeff and Gareth looked at you and thinks why you're aren't doing anything to be mean just for once
They're watching the nicest argument ever
"You have to let him go" she says as she crossed both of her arms
"Why would I do that?"
"So, I can take him"
You, Jeff and Gareth looked at each other with knowing looks as you tried to keep your composure stable
The bartender is clearly knows what the fuck is going on and couldn't help but to bite back a laughter as well
"Ooh- okay, hot shot- gimme a sec" you say with a mockery on your voice as you bit your lip to stop bursting to any second
You kick Jeff and elbowed Gareth to stop them from snickering
"Hey, Francis" you paid for the tabs, you treat the guys for the drink tonight
"You didn't have to-"
"I insist, you always gave me fine drinks and you never let me pay? Come on- take it"
The older man smiles and sighs and muttered a small thank you
All of you go down to your rotating circle chairs, but before you left her, you twirl around with a teasing smile
She became annoyed at you, you didn't even know what the hell she's annoyed at you for
"Sorry to burst your bubble, you can't do that"
"What makes you think that I can't?" She snaps and it makes you amused
Jeff and Gareth make a teasing "Oooh's" as you flipped the guys off behind your back
"Because-" you looked at her from top to bottom
She really wasted her beauty for pulling a stunt like this?
"You aren't there yet"
You know, she ain't gonna understand that phrase because she's young, you didn't even bother to explain what it means so you turn heel and left her at it
You wiggle your fingers at her as you wave goodbye and she watches the three you finally booming the streets with the loud cackles
At the backstage, 10 mins left before the show starts
"Eddie! Stand still!" You say as you fix his outfit
"I've been performing for years and I still get nervous" he says with a unsure smile
"That's totally normal, Eddie, once you get out of there and feel all of the people energy and literally once you start singing? You'd be great like you always do" you say as you finish doing touch ups to his look
He didn't replied, he instead hugged you
"Oh" you got startled at his sudden action but you melt with it
"Thank you, sweetheart"
"Anytime, Ed's"
A frequent knock is going on the door, almost breaking it, he swung it open- he got cutt off by someone
"Alright, alright! I'll be there-"
"Where have you been?!? I've looked for you everywhere!"
"What-"
"Didn't you missed me?!?"
You lean onto your side of the doorframe with arms crossed as Eddie looked at you for help almost like he's saying "Do you have any idea who is this person?!?"
The young lady who you encountered last night meet your eyes, you swore you saw the fire ignited once you came into the frame
"What is she doing here?!?"
Eddie is so perplexed as he continues to look at the random girl and you just smirk to yourself
She reached for Eddie's hand as he became so stunned at her action and you raised both of your eyebrows at her boldness
The audacity of this person is wild
"Honey? Care to explain, please?" Eddie is obviously trying to let go of the grip that she's holding onto him
"Oh, I just met her last night and how rude of me not knowing your name- if you even had one" you sarcastically speak up, it's very comedic to watch her face crumpled up to your smugness
"It's Delancy"
"Yeah, right- Delancy!" You act like it was the most interesting information ever
Eddie is watching you with a wolfish grin, he finally understood it
"I'm here to support my boyfriend" she lOviNgLy looks up at Eddie, the situation doesn't even get worse from there as he looks at you through his bangs as he purses his lips together
"Sweetie, before you can get to him, I'll have to move over and I'm gonna stand right here"
"You can't!"
"It will be over my dead body"
Eddie finally got away from the hold as he looks at her with fake sympathetic smile with a pout as he throws both of his hands in defense
You glanced at the corner and saw the security guards probably looking for her
You lean closer as you say "So, get out while you can" you nudge your chin towards the guards and she panic as she runs away
"Oh my fucking god" Jeff jogs as he tries to catch up his breath
"Give me a minute" Gareth holds up a finger as he pants
"So, she's the girl that you little shitheads talking about, huh?"
Both of the young men nod as they chuckled slightly
"Can't believe she got herself inside" you scoff as you shake your head
"Hmm, maybe there's a way to end this ridiculousness" Eddie smirks as all of you looked at him in confusion
The show is exhilaratingly amazing, Eddie called out for you, is this his plan?
You shyly get up on the stage as the crowd cheers for your name
Once you walked closer to Eddie he pulled you in for a kiss
You're surprised but managed to recover as you wrap your arms around him as you kiss him back
Jeff whistles as Gareth clapped aggressively
The whole crowd screamed harder as Eddie pulled you closer more to him as if that were possible, you became flustered as you break the kiss from running out of breath but Eddie?!? Kept stealing kisses as you giggled
"My beautiful wife everybody!" Eddie announces in the microphone not caring if your lipstick is all over his face
"Thank you guys for the insane night! We love you! We appreciate all of your support! Take care and we'll see you soon! Keep on rockin'!" Eddie left with that as Jeff and Gareth came onto your side as they join you for a bow before all of you waved goodbye and exit the stage
The interview is happening in the morning after the last night's show
"Have you heard about the rumor? There's basically a young girl claiming your husband, Eddie, to be as her boyfriend? What is your comment about this?"
Gareth chimes in with a smirk on his face as he leans over to steal a moment in the camera "No comment" he says as Eddie, Jeff snickered as you chuckled as well
"Yeah, I did, I even interacted with her- she seems....interesting"
"Interesting for a therapy" Jeff adds as the three man crack up to his joke
"She even said that Eddie looked at her at the concert last evening" the interviewer spoke up as you can watch Eddie genuinely reacted to this
"Oh my god" Eddie rubs his face as he hides his face buried on his palms as he tries not to laugh
"Well, a man looks at things sometimes that he doesn't need, I think she's referring to what happened at the backstage-"
"I took a second look-" Eddie narrows his eyes at you
"But he's in love with me" you point to yourself ignoring your cheeks blush
"Exactly" Eddie grins as you held his hand
"She even said that the kiss that happened was a fake"
"I don't know where that leaves her" you shrug at the interviewer
"You know where you stand"
You chortled at the interviewer's remark, knowing that this will even more pissed her off
"Precisely, I know where I stand" you agree as you nod
"And there you have it, folks, The Corroded Coffin, it's such a delight to finally to get to talk to you all and the man of the hour, Eddie Munson with his wife, Jeff and Gareth the icons behind the band, Thank you for tuning in!" The interviewer wraps it all up
"Please, do invite your fans to come on over to your tours"
"it's our pleasure, to share our music around the world and all we wanna do is just inspire people" Eddie smiles at the camera while he always pulled you into his side, you love that he never fails to show you off
As the airing ends, Eddie whispers to your ear
"Let's make her even more furious" Eddie bites his lips as he could think for a conniving idea
You snorted at him with a playful smile
"Telling to everyone that you're having a baby" he winks
"Eddie!" You push him playfully on the chest but he laughs as he carries you and spins around at the studio
But he ain't wrong with that, you'll even consider it later ;))
#eddie munson#eddie munson x fem!reader#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson x y/n#eddie x fem!reader#eddie munson angst#stranger things 4#eddie munson fic#loretta lynn#you aint woman enough#agirlwholovesrockstarsfics#Spotify
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On the sidewalk outside his apartment, a brown-eyed youth accosted him, saying he looked like the kind of enterprising man who would gladly pay someone to do his laundry.
In one of those intuitive moments that made him so good at his job, Wade flashed back to Spidey, six months prior, casually asking him what kind of manual labor he’d ever pay someone to do, and Wade confessing that laundry would definitely be it except he’d never trust anyone else to do it.
Oh-ho-ho.
(Had Wade silently implied that his laundry suspicions were for Mercenary Reasons and not because he had a specific brand of hypoallergenic detergent that worked for his skin? Yes, yes he had.)
Wade lured the guy in for a “test run” in his “natural habitat” and was 99.9% sure that this was Spidey when he followed Wade into his lair without seeming worried and failed to do a double-take at Wade’s Armchair Throne of Death.
He was 100% sure when he asked for the guy’s name and the guy said, “Peter Parker.”
“I FUCKING KNEW IT!” Wade spun and pointed at him. “I told you those camera trajectories were Spidey POV all the fucking way! ‘He just takes the stairs, Deadpool,’” he mimicked. “‘He has a drone, Deadpool.’ You know I spear every drone out of the sky because my body gets temporarily inhabited by the millenia-old spirit of CavePool!”
Spider-Parker (Sparker? Spiker? Parder?) sighed. “I do know,” he admitted. “And I appreciate it. Times were easier before any Tom, Dick, and Harry could get a bird’s-eye view. Although you making me go fetch your knife kinda makes us even.”
Wade tilted his head. “What are you talking about? You just do the—you know, ‘thwip, thwip, motherfucker,’” he said, gesturing with imaginary web shooters. “It takes like two seconds.”
“Yeah, now.”
There was a moment of silence during which Wade, and presumably also Spark-ike-ner, recalled the first time that Wade had thrown a knife at an invasive drone hovering at rooftop level. He had panicked about losing his favorite knife, dived to retrieve it, splatted himself, and woken up to find Spidey autographing the broken drone for a pale-faced twenty-something. Wade had added some bloodstained cash into the bargain, complete with Instagram selfie, just in case the jerk tried to sue later.
…Cash! Right. Spidey was here for a reason. “So…you’re actually low on dough?” Wade asked. “This wasn’t a weird plot to—”
“It was a weird plot to earn ramen bucks,” Spidey said with a wry twist of his lips that Wade could actually see because it wasn’t behind a mask, which was. Fantastic, to be honest. That mouth made him wish he could think the word ‘spiffing’ with a straight face.
“Hang on,” Wade said. “You get money photographing your encounters with villains. You can’t tell me that none of them would side hustle with you. Why haven’t you just, you know, been a little slow to catch one once in a while instead of putting yourself out of a job?”
“Because that would be morally bankrupt,” Peter said. Then he got a strange look on his face and said, “Shit, sorry, I have to make a call.”
The lunatic turned away from him, like putting his back to Wade would do literally anything to give him privacy, and pulled his phone out.
It rang twice before someone picked up.
“Pete! You know I’m always glad to hear from you, but—”
“Harry,” Spidey said, his voice dangerously pleasant. “Why does the Green Goblin suddenly ‘break free from his mind prison’ whenever I complain about my bills?”
“Shit!” someone on the other end of the line said, followed by a clatter of suspiciously metal-sounding objects being dropped onto cement. One of them, clearly round, which was SUSPICIOUSLY THE SAME SHAPE AS A GOBLIN BOMB, rolled audibly and awkwardly across the floor.
“Harry,” Spidey sighed. “You can’t just—just—I mean, you have gotten pretty non-lethal, at least. What did you even do, last time? That kid’s ice cream? He was six, man.”
“I mailed him a coupon for a free one after,” Harry said. “Or ten free ones. You know, enough to make up for being mildly traumatized.”
“God, that was a good photo: I got the dropped ice cream in the foreground since you’d just knocked me on my ass, and you did a great job cackling menacingly in the background. Even the color composition was gold. Strawberry is a strong contrast with your suit.”
Wade winced at the flattering tone: DANGER, WILL ROBINSON.
But apparently Harry didn’t get the same signals, because he said, “Yeah, I thought if I went for someone with rum raisin, it wouldn’t—”
“YOU JERK! You can’t terrorize a six-year-old just because I need to sell photos! Or terrorize a city. No terrorizing!”
“Peter. Pete. Look. I’m not going to terrorize the city! I’m just going to cause some minor property damage in a way that happens to be photogenic. I had this idea for a thing with some roses—”
“Cliche,” Peter said immediately.
“Orchids?”
“Too sexual. Maybe daisies?” Peter said. “They’d kind of fit your ‘I hate children’ vibe and you could dye them different colors. Uh—IF you did this. Which you won’t. Because that would be bad and wrong.”
Wade grinned. Spoken like a true artist: starving and with conflicting creative and moral convictions.
On the other end of the phone, Harry seemed to rally. “Okay, picture this: What if I hired you and a bunch of child actors to do a Green Goblin charity calendar for the benefit of organizations trying to cure genetic diseases?”
Wade was hit with the sudden realization that he, Deadpool, was like if Peter’s morally dubious and crazypants best Goblin friend fucked his charismatic, award-winning actor best friend and they had Wade as a baby but then left him to be raised by a nanny who was secretly an AK-47.
That is to say, that Spidey wasn't in this friendship-whatever just because he had a saving-morally-dubious people thing, or a rebellion-against-Iron-Man thing, or even a lookin'-for-some-strange thing. He came by his attraction to Wade honestly. He was just really into semi-competent nutjobs.
“If it’s for charity, shouldn’t my labor be free?” Peter asked Harry while Wade had his revelation. “I don’t have time to do a free Green Goblin charity calendar for the benefit of organizations trying to cure genetic disease!”
Harry sighed. “I keep telling you that’s not how nonprofits work,” he said. “All right, wait, let me hit you with this—”
“Oh my god, Harry, we’re gonna synergize about this never. Bye, talk to you LATER, by which I mean I’m going to need a cool-down of at least three weeks.” Peter ended the call and slipped his phone into his pocket. “Anyway!” he said, springing around with a hopeful, too-big smile on his face. “You were about to pay me for doing your laundry and also promise to keep my identity a secret forever.”
Wade raised his eyebrows beneath his mask. “Oh, was I?”
Spidey’s shoulders slumped halfway down his body. “Waaaaaaaaade.”
“Yeah, I guess I was. But you’ll regret it after I show you Mount Sniff-Test.”
“You mean Mount Job Security?”
Wade shook his head. “Always the optimist.” At least Spidey had wall-climbing powers so he could reach the top.
In fact, the odds of Wade's laundry pile reaching zero were astronomically low. Especially because Wade had no problem buying more clothes. And if Spidey stuck around long enough, well...maybe Wade could arrange for two semi-competent nutjobs to enjoy two semi-competent handjobs. Blowjobs. Heartjobs. Something like that.
Wade threw open the door of the room that he had previously told Spidey was full of full-frontal pornography and guns.
"Oh shit," Spidey said, his eyes wide as he tilted his head up to capture the magnificent heights reached in Wade's laundry mausoleum. He swallowed and then clapped his hands together. "Okay," he said. "Okay. We can do this if we work together."
Wade smiled. "The fact that you haven't run away screaming from this abomination of sanitation tells me all I need to know."
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Why not both?
When we first see Peach, she is in the middle of a tactical meeting regarding Bowser's imminent invasion. She spends much of her time trying to assure her people that she will do everything in her power to keep them safe.
After declaring her plan to leave in the morning for The Jungle Kingdom to enlist the help of The Kong Army, Peach walks away from the meeting unattended. Then along comes Mario: breaking and entering, actively running from guards, making a beeline for Peach while excitedly shouting "PRINCESS!" He 100% should have expected to be suplexed.
After rightly slamming Mario to the ground like a sack of beans, Princess Peach looks down at him with wide eyes, as curious as she is startled. The moment Mario catches his breath he tries to scramble back to his feet and ask for help before he is promptly dog-piled by the guards.
At this point, Peach realizes 2 things: 1. This cute guy means no harm. He's clearly in some sort of trouble. 2. He... kind of looks like a human? She orders his release. As Mario stands back up she gets a better look at him, and becomes giddy once she sees her suspicions are confirmed.
"He’s a human! I mean, you are a human, right? It’s just... you’re so small.” He’s a human alright, just a particularly short one. Mario is confused by this reaction, and is a little annoyed by all the touchiness (especially the hat stealing.)
But there's no time to focus on that right now, Peach wants to know where he came from. Mario doesn’t waste a second explaining his situation. Time is of the essence.
M: “Me… and my little brother Luigi, we fell down this pipe! And now he’s lost somewhere… in The Dark Lands!” P: “Then it’s only a matter of time before he’s captured by Bowser.”
Mario visibly tenses up at this. He’s heard of Bowser from Toad, who described him as “the most evil, wretched creature alive.” Peach reassures Mario that she’s on a mission to stop him, and Mario demands to be brought along.
“This guy’s a lunatic. A psycho. He will eat you for breakfast. He won’t even notice it, probably, because you’re very… very… small.”
When I first saw the movie, this line made me worry for Peach’s characterization, but I was relieved to see that this is the first and last time she talks down to Mario like this. In hindsight, her behavior makes sense: Mario doesn't know what he’s up against or what his odds are, and Peach– who has no idea who Mario is or what he’s capable of– is trying let him know where he stands in the grand scheme of things... that there is no shame in standing down. But Mario is not going to sit around while his brother is in danger, not in a million years.
“Make fun of me all you want, but you’re going to help me find my brother.”
Mario goes on the offensive. He doesn’t back out, but instead doubles down, just short of making a direct threat. Peach, being made of equally stern stuff, glares back at him, giving him one final chance to rethink his position.
Mario doesn’t rethink his position, but he does take a moment to remember that he is talking to a princess, so he tries to tone it down a bit by ending his sentence with “please?”
Peach smiles a little... like she’s impressed, but doesn’t want to admit it. This guy has spirit, but she doesn’t know whether he’s got the skills to back it up. So she takes Mario to the training course so she can truly see what he’s made of.
When the course is laid out, Mario is wide-eyed and amazed. When Peach performs the obstacles, he gives her due praise, and questions how he himself is going to be physically capable of pulling off the same thing. Through this short interaction, Mario accidentally proves that though he is impulsive (made worse by his fear for Luigi), he is still capable of recognizing and respecting the skills of others, and has some ability to understand his own limitations... to an extent.
Mario is introduced to powerups and fed the super shroom. But despite his newfound size, jumping ability, and confidence, he blows his first run of the obstacle course right off the bat. Peach says nothing to mock or demean him, but merely gives him a bit of advice about how powerups work, and encourages him to try again. So, Mario downs another mushroom, and give it another shot. Another point in Mario’s favor is that does not complain beyond the first mushroom he was forced to eat. For hours he has his shit kicked in by this brutal, ruthless obstacle course while he’s continually eating mushrooms to the point of vomiting. If he was any less of a man he would decide to try and find Luigi on his own after the millionth try, or at least attempt to argue down the severity of the course, but he doesn’t. This is the ultimatum he’s been given, this is what he needs to do, so he straightens his cap and tries again... and again... and again...
... and to Peach’s credit, she stays with him almost the entire night, and only goes to sleep when she collapses where she stands. You can see her getting more and more endeared to Mario, offering occasional emotional support, and rooting for him the whole way through. Their first interaction was a little rocky, but the more Peach sees of Mario, the more she likes what she sees.
By dawn Mario has almost mastered the obstacles, he just got a little too sure of himself 10 feet from the finishing line. Despite the technical failure, Peach knows one thing for certain: She really wants this funky little weirdo who broke into her house to go on a road trip with her.
CONCLUSION: Mario and Peach are cut from the same cloth. Mario is a bit more brash and impulsive than Peach (which makes sense. He's not a royal, he's a blue collar worker from Brooklyn), but they’re both intrepid, big hearted, and willing to do anything for those they love. Furthermore, they are essentially going after Bowser for the same reason: their families, who they spent their entire lives loving and protecting, are being threatened.
So yeah, kindred spirits I’d say!
#mario movie#mario movie spoilers#super mario brothers#super mario brothers movie#mario#princess peach#Mario Movie Commentary#They're cute and I ship them#asks#super mario bros#mario x peach#long post
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in 2016, ghm made an official twitter account for tokio morishima to host a series of tweets called the “placebo 前日譚”—the placebo prequel. they’re supposed to promote the hd release of the silver case, so you can think of them as a kind of sister piece to the pre-lunatics comic. this account was only ever published in japanese, and it never got an official translation, so under the cut i’ve translated the entire account just for you :) enjoy
The red-eared slider turtle is an invasive species.
Juvenile red-eared slider turtles are called “green turtles.” Green turtles start out small enough to fit in your hand, have a beautiful green color, and they waddle around, so they’re popular with kids. But green turtles grow bigger and bigger.
As they get bigger, the stripes on their heads and legs get more noticeable. The claws get sharp too.
I have no idea why it's the only red spot, but the markings with black rims behind the eyes look like red ears. That’s why Red is Red.
On the other hand, the color of his shell is starting to fade.
Someone once said something to me when they saw that Red had grown too big to fit in the palm of my hand.
"Your friends are always watching you."
The night I first received the email asking me to report on the Kamui case, I was drunk, and just as I was about to write a random reply, I lost interest and tossed my keyboard aside.
Then I consulted a long-time friend.
What’s going to begin now?
Red seemed restless and was fidgeting in his tank.
I didn't know Red when he was a green turtle. Well, it's not that I didn't know him, it’s that I actually don't remember. There was an aquarium in the corner of the room, and the owner of the aquarium was Red. I owned the room. I probably came up with the name Red by myself. I didn't really have any friends.
Red was timid, and I always wondered why he was so easily frightened. Sometimes I felt like he was being cowardly in place of me. When I think about it, he always seemed to have an anxious heart. Even when he was sleeping, he would suddenly shake his head, kick his hind legs, and make weird noises.
One day, Red realized that the reason he was so anxious was because he didn't know why he was here. But that was a dangerous thought.
I was in a place where only a faint light was shining through. Gray memories of being a green turtle. It's my only memory from that long ago.
“Why am I here?”
I couldn’t explain it, but when I tried to think about it, I felt like I was going insane.
In order to avoid going crazy, I needed to immerse myself in ordinary life. I needed busy work. That's why I decided to reply to the email.
Now, let the game begin.
“You’re just a reject”…. Have you ever felt like that before?
I did.
#the silver case#kill the past#grasshopper manufacture#tokio morishima#archive#teehee. he is so sad#not my finest work but i’m sick so this is what you get
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I'd be slightly more charitable towards the "the Israeli invasion of Gaza is a genocide" crowd if they didn't immediately flip-flop between that and "but forcibly driving the Jews out of Israel wouldn't be".
"Anti-colonizers" are fucking morons, man.
Can't colonize your homeland, Jews never left, they've been there 3,200 years on the official record depending on how you interpret the Merneptah Stele, which even if it is only mentioning a "people" that would be Isaac son of Abraham which honestly the Islamic crowd probably hates that even more since they claim that Arabs are the "true" children of Abraham through ishmael the kid Sari's handmaiden had with him, never get any mention though and honestly Arabs are indigenous to Arabia anyhow which is to the east of the Levant where "shocker" Saudi Arabia is.
The Mizrahi never left, or at least they've been there since before the Greeks showed up, still a small number of Samaritans as well, they're from the northern kingdom after Israel split following Solomon's death. Genetically at least the 2 European branches of the Jewish family are undeniably more closely related to the folks that never left than they are to any European genetic group.
But ya, the whole genocide thing is ridiculous. I'd be more inclined to believe people actually cared about genocide if they actually looked around the world where that kind of thing is happening in a major way.
inb4: muh fox news.
It's not like the information isn't out there, NYT thing is the only one that's more than a week or so old, so why after this has been going on for years is it still mostly crickets from the peanut gallery.
It shouldn't be a competition though I know, but you'd think this kind of thing would at least rate a mention from the noisy people on the internet.
Gaza situation it's gonna be hamass doing the genocide both ways anyhow, you install a military installation under, in, or in extremely close proximity to civilian structures any deaths that result from taking those structures out are on the people that turned them into military targets in the hopes that the PR would sway people and they wouldn't get called out for using civilians as human shields.
Not to say that Israel is by any means innocent, they screw up and the IDF screws up and innocent people die, some of whom were undoubtedly murdered and I hope the people that have done these things are held to account for them.
But again it's telling that I've seen a half dozen or more posts about palestenian children and it being international children's day and well did you know that November 25 is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women as decreed by the un, got to see pieces about all kinds of stuff for that day and almost nobody mentioning all the women who were raped and murdered on 10/7
There's people on here that I respect that have a differing view on the situation than I do, different ways to resolve the situation and end the bloodshed none of which involve genocide, so them I can take seriously on some of this stuff.
The screaming lunatics that have decided that of all the ethnic and religious minorities in the world that Jewish people are the ones that aren't allowed to decide what is and isn't derogatory and that anything short of something like 'gas the jews' has layers and nuance instead of listening to what the Jewish people have been saying for years and years and years that both 'infatda' and 'from the river to the sea' are calls to genocide, they don't get much respect.
As for the apartheid claim, why would any country let non citizens vote in their elections or any of the other nonsense people are trying to claim like 'segregated' communities because apparently the concept of 'little' Italy, Havana, Saigon or any of the various districts like the Chinatowns where different groups have congregated to be their own community within a community aren't things that form organically or anything like that I guess.
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