#Luke is my favourite and I hate that Disney is ruining his character

[starwarslostclone]

Grogu: I want my dad

Luke: Fine let me call you an Uber

[queenmolina]

no one asked but here you go

jatp characters and their taste in musicals

julie loves anything an everything. a particular favourite is ‘in the heights’ and yes she cries to alabanza every. single. time. she also just loves the atmosphere of live theatre and the hum of music waiting to be heard. whenever she has the opportunity, she’ll be at the theatre. even if it’s just some ten year olds running around in fish costumes and calling it the little mermaid. julie knows all the shows so if you’re ever looking to find new stuff, she’s your gal. she’s the one that introduced alex to bare, willie to starry and reggie to [title of show]. she also knows the encyclopaedia of musical theatre songs that aren’t actually in shows (see: jonathan reid gealt, michael mott, kerrigan and lowdermilk etc)

luke can’t sit still for the life of him. he tries to because he doesn’t want to be rude but it’s not really his scene and he loses concentration. for this reason, he’s really into his movie musicals. he used to watch grease and the sound of music with his mom. rocketman and we will rock you are his modern day favourites. (he’s also got julie’s second hand excitement for the in the heights movie)

alex (dare i say it) loves dear evan hansen. he knows it’s slightly problematic but who are we kidding, it’s so much more progressive than peoples view of anxiety back in his day. he ugly cries at i’ll cover you reprise in RENT. he’s also a sucker for shows like dreamgirls, six, & juliet etc. and bare. for obvious reasons

reggie has two very opposing tastes. the first is as ‘rock’ as you can get while still being musical theatre (ie. bat out of hell) and the second is he absolute masterpiece that is annie. just - there’s a dog and a loving family so he’s sold

bobby likes newsies purely for the dance routines. athlete bobby lives in my head rent free. he spends his days rewatching the movie so that they can get all the moves right. they nail them all. bobby also likes other dancey shows and also little shop of horrors for some reason (the stage version where the plant is literally about to eat everyone in the theatre)

carrie likes mean girls. it was a casual liking until flynn decided they hate it and so now carrie plays it at every opportunity just to annoy them. also the idea of carrie singing someone gets hurt does things to my head

flynn likes ‘dark’ musicals like heathers and beetlejuice and carrie (the musical not the girl but yes her too). they’re very frustrated when riverdale ruins them but also uses the gif of archie dad-dancing in ‘the world according to chris’ as a reaction whenever they’re planning something exciting just because everyone hates it

willie likes jukebox musicals because the usually have really wacky plots to make it work. (alex and willie listening to & juliet) jagged little pill is a frequent favourite but they’re still mad that jo isn’t non-binary like in the workshop version

nick likes mamma mia (and cats) and that’s it

caleb is obviously into big flashy musicals like 42nd street and a chorus line. and also cabaret? i get that vibe. also throw in some obscure stuff like natasha pierre and the great comet of 1812. i just thing he’d like that

ray likes disney musicals - movies or on stage. they’re just wholesome and perfect and remind him of when the kids were little

[laura-ann-review]

Lightyear

CONTAINS SPOILERS!

To Infinity and Beyond!

It’s time to travel back to when Buzz Lightyear wasn’t just another toy on the shelf ended up sparking Andy’s curious young imagination. after Andy had gone through his cowboy phase, he found a new toy, a space astronaut in a green and white space suit that Andy called “BUZZ LIGHTYEAR!”

Lightyear follows Buzz, a man beyond the toy. The man, with the help of a team went into space and accidentally time travelled to a world full of futuristic beings, with the help of the grand daughter of his Commander, Buzz and the hopeful misfit trainees attempt to save not only themselves but their community.

Unlike Toy Story, this Buzz Lightyear is voiced by Chris Evans; the man known for his superhero charisma.

I will admit that Chris Evans voicing Buzz wasn’t on my list. though as others have pointed out, There is Patrick Warburton’s Buzz Lightyear; Buzz Lightyear of Star Command: The Adventure Begins and of course, the version we have all grown to love, Tim Allen as Buzz Lightyear in the Toy Story franchise. Three versions of Buzz, all based in different variants.

As someone whose curious about voice actors, I do know that sometimes toys aren’t always voiced by those that play them on the screen.

I know in my trailer reaction I vocally denounced this movie. To me, it felt like they had ripped the mystery/not mystery of Buzz Lightyear. I personally felt like the Toy Story franchise had carried the load by revealing enough about our favourite toys.

Lightyears opens with in 1995, Andy saw a movie that became his favourite toy, this is that movie.

Lightyear attempts to give you the past with the present, but it doesn’t quite grasp it in the way it should.

The minute Lightyear starts, I started comparing it to Star Trek before ultimately having an inner thought battle of Star Trek and Star Wars. Which, I know in the earlier Toy Story movies, if I remember correctly there was a blooper reel of Zurg saying “Buzz, I am your father.” So, maybe it’s a call back to that?

The way Lightyear deals with space and exploration, plus the way its characters interact with the unknown planet that they’ve been stranded on. To me, it felt very Star Trek and how the characters were mindful of their place that isn’t there’s. To me, I compared Sox to Data with the way that both characters seemed to know the place and their surroundings a lot better compared to the other characters.

Than when they revealed Zurg, it almost felt like it was mirroring Luke and Darth Vader. You know that scene “No, I am your father.” , yeah. That’s the vibe I got from Buzz and Zurg BUT unlike Star Wars. Buzz and Zurg aren’t father and son, instead it’s old Buzz vs young Buzz. Young Buzz learns how much time travel has taken a toll on his futuristic self and how his older version wants to destroy what the young Buzz has freshly learnt.

To me, this just felt wrong. It felt like Disney had forced Pixar’s hand, it felt like that this movie ruined what was. I understand that 90’s baby’s grew to love Toy Story, I LOVE Toy Story; that movie still holds a soft spot in my 27 year old heart. I kind of see that Disney/Pixar are trying to reach a new generation and want this generation of kids to feel what us 90’s babies had.

Also, as someone who works in a toy story. I will admit that it’s surprising to see how many under 10 year old worship the ground Toy Story is on (Most likely thanks to their parents). So, I understand the kids wanting to join our hype, but this movie just doesn’t capture it the way I hoped it would.

To me, I struggled to understand how Buzz the toy relates to Buzz the man. They almost don’t seem to relate at all. Though I guess both version undertake a whole pushing away people to slowly understanding that they need the company and help of others over time.

Sadly, I hate to be right. This movie was a waste of time especially when you can watch the trailer on repeat, just to save a bit of money in this expensive reality.

[the-desolated-quill]

The Mandalorian Represents Everything I Hate About Disney - Quill’s Scribbles

This post contains spoilers for the first two episodes, if you care about that sort of thing.

Yes, after four months of wallowing in a depressive funk, your lord and saviour the Desolated Quill has returned to (hopefully) start posting semi-regularly again. And what better way to mark my return than by kicking my favourite dead horse Disney.

So what have you been doing since this coronavirus epidemic started? I for one have been spending most of the time trying and failing to persuade my mother not to get a Disney+ subscription. The rise of streaming TV services represent the very height of greed and stupidity within the film and television industry. See it’s not enough for these studios to share their profits with the likes of Netflix and Amazon. Rampant capitalism dictates that they must have every conceivable penny imaginable, hence why we’re seeing the slow gating off of content and the emergence of new streaming platforms like Disney+, Starzplay, DC Universe, HBO Max, Apple TV and YouTube. Yes, even Youtube has a subscription service now. It’s like that episode of Oprah Winfrey. You get a streaming service, you get a streaming service, you get a streaming service, EVERYBODY gets a streaming service! Except the problem is that the reason why Netflix and Amazon took off was because it was convenient to get all of our entertainment from one location. Now with content spread out across multiple platforms, customers are having to pick and choose who to subscribe to as only the very rich can afford to subscribe to everyone. It’s ostensibly a televisual arms race coupled with classism. Make no mistake, the motivation behind the rise of streaming services is not motivated by customer satisfaction nor artistic merit, but rather corporate greed. And Disney is by far the worst offender. There is literally not a single reason why they couldn’t have kept their stuff on Netflix. The only reason Disney+ exists is so that they can get their grubby mitts on even more money than they already have (which is quite a lot).

So my mum got a Disney+ subscription because she never fucking listens to a single word I say and we ended up sitting down to watch the first two episodes of The Mandalorian. The new Star Wars TV spinoff created by Iron Man director Jon Favreau set in-between Return of The Jedi and The Force Awakens.

As much as I have complaints about the way Disney have handled the Star Wars license, I confess I was curious and dare I say even excited about The Mandalorian when it was first announced. I’ve gone on record to say that I didn’t want nor care about a sequel trilogy because, as far as I was concerned, Return Of The Jedi was a perfect ending to the Skywalker saga and we didn’t need to see what happened next. That’s like wondering what happens after Cinderella married Prince Charming. We don’t need to see it. They lived happily ever after. The end. The spinoffs, on the other hand, including the Anthology films and The Mandalorian, I was much more excited for because it was an opportunity to tell different kinds of stories and explore areas of the Star Wars universe we wouldn’t normally get to see in the main films. If the Star Wars franchise has to be expanded upon, I’d rather it was like this. Lets move away from the Skywalkers and the Jedi and concentrate on other stuff. So a space western set after the original trilogy depicting a lone bounty hunter trying to make ends meet after the fall of the Empire was very appealing to me.

Sadly that’s not what I got.

I’ll just be blunt. I saw the first two episodes of The Mandalorian and I didn’t like it very much. It’s not bad as such. It’s competently made. I’ve seen some behind the scenes videos and there’s clearly a lot of talented people working hard on this show. That being said, the story of The Mandalorian is... well... kind of rubbish.

So lets talk about it, shall we?

As far as I’m concerned there are three reasons why The Mandalorian doesn’t work. The first is the complete lack of tension. It’s a problem that’s plagued Star Wars since The Phantom Menace. Despite all the challenges and obstacles that are thrown at the characters, it never seems to affect them or even pose much of a threat. We saw that with Anakin Skywalker in the prequels and Rey in the sequels, and it’s the same here. The Mandalorian is this amazing dude who’s skilled and awesome and the bestest fighter ever. He can take out all these bad guys single-handedly and can do all these cool things. Except none of that is interesting. It’s boring. People like to defend Rey saying she’s no worse than Luke Skywalker, but that’s not true because, unlike Rey, Luke isn’t perfect. He struggles, he makes mistakes, and he grows and evolves over time. Rey is just this perfect woman who can do no wrong and who can pull any random superpower out of her arse for the sake of plot convenience. It’s just bad writing. While The Mandalorian never gets quite as bad as that, there does seem to be this obsession with making this awesome, cool dude, but that ends up coming at the cost of any tension or threat the story could have. 

In the first episode, we see his bounty explore his ship. This could have been an opportunity to create some tension. Maybe he could try and sabotage the ship. Or try to escape. Complicate matters for the Mandalorian. But no. The Mandalorian knew what the guy was doing and instantly recaptures him. Same goes for a scene later on when the Mandalorian and some killer robot has to fight a whole army of mercenaries. How are they going to get out of this? Very easily it turns out. Not only do they beat them within a couple of minutes, the mercenaries are also clearly the worst shots ever. The robot is like seven foot tall and moving at the speed of frozen treacle, and yet they don’t manage to land a single hit on the guy. Where’s the suspense? Where’s the danger? By the end of the first episode, I was just bored senseless.

Which leads me to my second biggest problem. The total lack of originality. Is it really too much to ask for someone to actually come up with their own fucking ideas? Literally everything in The Mandalorian is basically nicked wholesale from other, better Star Wars films. The first two planets we visit in episode one are basically variations on Tatooine with the same architecture and everything. There’s even that eye thing that pops out of the door like in Jabba’s Palalce in Return Of The Jedi.  Then, to add insult to injury, we then end up on the actual Tatooine (or at least what I assume is the actual Tatooine. I mean there are Jawas). The Mandalorian is like this Frankenstein assembly of Star Wars memorabilia. Everything has been taken from other films when it makes no sense to do so. The Mandalorian freezes his bounties in carbonite, except that was a process specific to Cloud City. Darth Vader improvised a trap using what was at hand to try and catch Luke. He wasn’t even sure if Luke would survive the freezing process, hence why they tested it on Han Solo first. The only reason it’s here in The Mandalorian is for fanwank purposes. Same goes for the stormtroopers. Why the fuck are there stormtroopers?! Remember where we are in the Star Wars story. The Empire has fallen and the New Republic is taking over. Imperialists are going to be pretty unpopular, wouldn’t you say? So why the fuck would you have stormtroopers wandering around in full armour out in the open? It makes zero sense. Even the killer robot is copied whole sale from IG-88 from Empire Strikes Back. Why don’t you come up with your own killer robot design?

Then there’s this little shit:

Yeah, I kind of knew this was coming because I’ve seen the GIFs circulating on Tumblr beforehand, which kind of ruined the ending of the first episode somewhat. But even if I didn’t know this was coming, the ‘twist’ still wouldn’t work because it’s not really a twist if you think about it. What actually happens? The Mandalorian finds the Child and it’s an eighty year old gremlin. Okay. So what? The only reason it’s ‘shocking’ is because it vaguely looks like Yoda. Other than that, who gives a shit? It doesn’t really mean anything.

Which leads me to my third biggest problem. Why should I give a shit about anything that’s going on? What are the stakes? There aren’t any. We don’t know anything about the Mandalorian and we have no reason to care about him or his job. We don’t know anything about the Child or why he’s so important. The only reason people are interested is because it reminds them of the other films. As a story in and of itself, there’s simply nothing there. I don’t know who any of these people are, what they want, why they want it and what will happen if they fail. So why should I give a shit? And nowhere is this more apparent than in the second episode. The Jawas agree to give the Mandalorian’s ship parts back if he retrieves an egg from some monster. Why do they want the egg? I don’t know. I literally have no idea. They never say. And yet that’s what the entire episode revolves around. This isn’t a story. It’s just random stuff happening. And what’s more it has nothing to do with the overall plot. You can literally cut out the entirety of episode two and it wouldn’t make the slightest bit of difference. Same is true of that annoying fuckface that keeps insisting ‘he has spoken’ (I swear by the end I wanted to kick that old git in the face, he irritated me so much). We waste the second half of the first episode watching the Mandalorian piss about with some toad/horse thing only to then make his way back to the ship on foot in episode two. So what was the fucking point of that then? Why is anything fucking happening?

And this is what perfectly sums up the problems with Star Wars under Disney’s regime. If anything The Mandalorian acts as a microcosm for everything that’s wrong with the current movies and indeed Disney as a company. These movies aren’t movies. They’re products designed to pander to a gullible fanbase’s nostalgia. The entire sequel trilogy was basically the original trilogy repackaged and resold with nothing unique or original to offer. And the reason The Rise Of Skywalker felt so unsatisfying to everyone watching was because the story was never planned. They pivoted it to whatever the focus groups enjoyed about the previous film. That’s why the whole trilogy felt so uneven and directionless. And it’s not just Star Wars. Obviously there’s the live action remakes of the Renaissance movies, now with added nods and winks to meta commentary without actually addressing actual complaints people may have had. This also extends to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. How many of these fucking movies have we had where the bad guy tries to take over the world with an Infinity Stone? Thor: The Dark World and Guardians Of The Galaxy are pretty much the exact same movie. Spider-Man: Far From Home, a film co-produced with Sony, is ostensibly a rehash of Iron Man 3, which in turn had recycled a lot of its story from Pixar’s The Incredibles, another Disney product. Even Black Panther, a movie I absolutely adore, borrows its basic plot structure from Thor: Ragnarok. Disney are so unoriginal and so lazy that they have effectively started cannibalising themselves. The Mandalorian is just the latest example of this. At least with Black Panther you had a talented filmmaker like Ryan Coogler who was able to take these borrowed elements and spin it into something more meaningful and with more emotional impact. At least there was some actual passion put into that film.

People are no doubt going to have a go at me saying I’m being too harsh and that I haven’t given The Mandalorian a fair chance. Well I’m sorry, but I’ve given it two episodes and I’m bored out of my mind. It’s a cynically produced, uninspired load of waffle. I’m not going to waste my time sitting through more episodes in the hopes that it might get good later on. That’s not how good storytelling is supposed to work and it sickens me to think that this has pretty much become the new normal for this industry.

[esandcasg]

B Dog’s Ranking of Star Wars Films

Some months ago Big A challenged me to list my order of Star Wars films, from worst to best. Having re-watched a number now in recent months I felt it time to get this down on paper. Admittedly I haven’t watched all of them, so this might need updating in the months to come.

Let me know your thoughts or add a similar blog!

11. The Last Jedi

It is something of a tribute to Disney that it took me some time to decide my least favourite Star Wars film. There were two obvious candidates but in the end I went with the Last Jedi. Admittedly, I feel that The Rise of Skywalker is a worse film, but I give the honour of the shittest Star Wars film to this steaming pile of crap because it set the precedent for what was to follow. The whole film is based around the idea of doing something different with the force and the Jedi, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it was done in such a bad way. I’ve recently re-watched it and it felt like 90% of the film is treading water whilst they develop the Reylo relationship. “What shall we do with the other characters?” I don’t know, stick them on a spaceship being chased by a Star Destroyer? “Fuck me, that’s brilliant.”  I recently read that Rhian Johnson’s biggest regret with this film was not being able to do his usual private showing to close friends before it came out due to security issues. I regret that too, cos they’d have told him what a big pile of crap it was.

10. The Rise of Skywalker

The true level of shittiness of this film has been discussed a lot; it was so bad that it even inspired a B Dog film rant blog. The first ever, if I am not mistaken? The fact that they have had to release information intermittently to explain the gaps in the story says it all really. A total turd. 

Don’t worry, my swearing will ease now along with my hatred.

9. Attack of the Clones

My ninth favourite (or perhaps more accurately, the third worst) Star Wars film introduces the prequels into the story with Attack of the Clones. I don’t hate this film like I do The Rise of Skywalker and The Last Jedi, so we start to move out of “hate” and more into “meh” with AotC. I don’t hate it, I don’t particularly like it. I nothing it (nod to #BigAsFilmReviews).

This film has a few things going for it, namely it features a young Hayden Christensen, who of course has a strong resemblance to a young B Dog, and it includes Anakin and Padme’s brilliantly written, acted and directed romance scenes. “You are in my very soul, tormenting me.” Beautiful. I jest of course, it was total cringe. But the issue that I have with this film is that it doesn’t feel like Star Wars. At least with The Phantom Menace there are elements that align with the prequels like the scenes of Tattoine. AotC just feels like a bit of a misfit. I wonder whether it was where George began to get a raging hard-on for green screen and prioritising wanky graphics above, you know, a decent storyline, and that impacts things? Or maybe he started flirting with the darkside long before this? But generally it is an entertaining enough film, just a bit shit.

8. The Phantom Menace

I struggled for a while with the order of Attack of the Clones and The Phantom Menace but in the end decided I preferred this one. But it’s a close one.

The issue that I have with this film – even above Jar Jar and the awful dialogue – is that I don’t get the target audience. There is loads of content for kids such as (the aforementioned) Jar Jar and the pod race, yet it is effectively a film about politics and features things like trade blockades. I mean, the opening crawl features gems such as “The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute... While the Congress of the Republic endlessly debates this alarming chain of events.” 

I watched it with Sebastian and he didn’t have a clue what was going on, but he sat there patiently waiting for the arrival of arguably my favourite Star Wars character in Darth Maul. But as I mentioned above, TPM still feels like Star Wars and the lightsabre fight sequence at the end is enough to get it into 8th place. But we are still very much in “meh”.

7. Solo

But not for long as we start moving into “like” territory. I like this film. But the issue that I have is that it’s not really Star Wars. It’s a decent sci-fi film but I can’t associate Alden Whatshisface’s portrayal of Han to the original. It is largely forgettable mind; I have watched Solo once and couldn’t really tell you what it was about. Something to do with Solo and Chewie and Lando, and they went through an asteroid field, and Emilia Clarke got sold or became a slave, and the Falcon got wrecked. That’s all I remember. But I do remember feeling like the whole “Kessel Run” idea was totally different to what I had in my mind – I figured it was a famous smuggling run - and if they really had to do a backstory on Han then they could have come up with something better.

6. Revenge of the Sith

Probably the only prequel that I will stand behind. It is flawed, largely because of the overuse of green screen which can’t be easy for actors/actresses (exhibit A: Natalie Portman who is pretty wooden yet claimed an Oscar a few years later in Black Swan), but I feel like RotS is actually a fairly decent addition to the Star Wars portfolio with the actors starting to get used to the methods of Lucas or perhaps even pushing back a bit helping the script flow better. Hayden Christensen seemed a bit more comfortable playing a more complex and evil character than a loved up teenager, for example. However, there is still a large amount of Lucas “style over substance” going on still and the Darth Vadar “Noooooo” bit at the end is like something from an 80’s Arnie film. “I’ll be back, Kenobi.”

5. Rogue 1

I really enjoyed this film right up until the last few minutes when the arrival of Leia almost ruined it. I don’t quite know why, I think it just felt shoe-horned and unnecessary. There are other flaws that don’t align with the start of A New Hope and the characters lack any real depth, but overall I’ll let all this slide as it was a pretty exciting and well-made film. With Rogue 1 I am sensing stronger feelings… there is good in these films. I can sense it.

4. The Force Awakens

The first time I watched this film I didn’t like it. I think because I just expected too much – or something different - and I didn’t particularly like the way they killed off Han without the film or trilogy really getting going. What was the point? I thought Rey was totally wooden too. But I’ve watched it three times now and the last time – just before TRoS came out – I actually really enjoyed it, bordering on feeling that it was brilliant. I admit it is a fanboy tribute, but… if the cap or evil sith mask fits and all that.

3. A New Hope

It will come as no surprise that the podium spots are reserved for the original trilogy, and we move into love – of course - with A New Hope. It is slightly controversial to have this one in third place as I know a lot of people see ANH as the best of the lot, but I just prefer the other originals being honest. Whilst it is undoubtedly a great film, I find it more of a setting the scene kind of film: it’s a bit slow going in places and even as a kid I don’t feel it had the same levels of excitement as the other two. The toys that I played with weren’t the X-Wing and Tie Fighter from the Death Star scene, it was the AT-AT (I had two) and snow speeders from Hoth, for example. And re-watching them recently with Sebastian it has been the one that I struggled to sit through the most. I guess ultimately it is laying the foundations for the whole Luke vs. Vadar/good vs. evil element, which is what drew me into Star Wars as a kid.

2. Return of the Jedi

I know this film has flaws, but I love it. Well, the old version before Ol’ George started adding shit like the band in Jabba’s palace and another Vadar “Nooooooo”. But the whole film is great: the sequence at the start concluding with the fight over the pit of sarlaac through to the three phased fight sequence at the end. As I have said to you both, I have recently watched the original trilogy with Sebastian and he told me that he was exhausted at the end of the film, and I guess it’s that sort of excitement that I still associate with RotJ. One interesting thing is that watching the recently has opened my eyes to how hot Carrie Fisher was back then. I never really got it. No wonder my dad used to pop in for the Jabba’s Palace bit.

1. The Empire Strikes Back

And therefore the winner goes to the masterpiece that is The Empire Strikes Back. I don’t have anything negative to say about this film, and for me is in a league of its own compared to the other ten films, and up there with one of my favourite films ever. The Hoth fight scene, Yoda training Luke and the cave scene, Cloud City and then Vadar and Luke crossing swords for the first time. From start to finish it is exciting and so well made. But it’s also interesting to have a good vs. evil film finish on such a dark note, with the good guys going off to lick their wounds. In a lot of ways that is also what appeals about this film; it’s not just a straight up good guys win type of scenario.

[purplepingupenguins]

Let’s take a minute to discuss the homophobia and double standards in the Star Wars Fandom...

Okay, so, recently I made this post:

Which unsurprisingly got quite a few notes quite quickly. But also, was met with comments like these:

And as an lgbt+ person with chronic fatigue I'm pretty good at picking my battles and knowing when to not start drama, actually, that's a complete lie I will call you out on your shit no matter how shit I feel.

So, this is me calling out the homophobia in the star wars fandom. That's right kids, I'm calling you homophobic.

A special shout out to the folks who made this even possible @freddie-and-i-got-stayingpower @zeminon @natenko @brandong50

Firstly, I've seen a lot of things about how his sexuality isn't even hinted at so it's wrong to call him queer and I'm like.... huh??? So just because a character hasn't explicitly kissed or fucked another character of the same gender on screen then they can't be queer. And I know, you only care about lgbt characters when they do make out on screen so you can fetish them but that is a whole other issue.

90% if not more, of characters in media don't explicitly state their sexuality and because of that it's automatically assumed that they're straight and saying otherwise is forcing labels and a sexuality on them. News flash folks: if your adamant on making him het then you're forcing a sexuality on him too.

Yes, other than a lot of looks and subtext (flirting) nothing has actually been outright said that Poe has an interest in men. But also nothing has been said about him liking women either but you're all perfectly happy for Poe and rey to happen.

As the delightful first comment asked: why does it matter? Because Disney has never had a main lgbt+ relationship or character in movies before. 

Star wars, where people can wave around laser swords and fly spaceships but can't kiss a person of the same gender. 

Star wars claims to be progressive and at times, it has. Carrie Fisher was the first female character I ever saw pick up a gun and save herself. She was the first female character I saw that didn't need a relationship with a man to be complete but she just wanted one. Star wars new trio is a Latino man, A black man and a woman and that in itself is very important. But still isn't able to treat them with the basic respect they deserve.

Lgbt+ kids deserve to watch their favourite movies and feel just as powerful as everyone else. It’s as important as Wonder Woman is for women. It’s as important as Black Panther is for black people. But LGBTQ+ people don't get that, especially in movies because society doesn't want our sexualities to rub off on kids. Because they don't want their kids to be gay. Because they think being gay is bad.

"Stop trying to shoehorn lgbt into everything"

Hahahahahahahaha I’m sorry, what the fuck did you say?? I can’t hear you over how ridiculous that sentence actually is. It’s straight people who time and time again shoehorn new characters into plots in the hope that fandoms will love the new het couple over the baited queer one so producers don’t have to go through with having decent representation. For example, those that have seen the Last Jedi, Rose, I love her to pieces don’t get me wrong, but I do not love her relationship with Finn, not as a romance. They were such good friends throughout the entire movie and then bamn! Forced het romance!! 

That kiss was so unnecessary that even the straightest of straights agree that it was forced. Not only did it ruin a perfectly good on-screen friendship between a man and a woman but it also showed just how shitty the writers and producers really are. That they’re so desperate to take attention away from a healthy, interracial, mlm couple, a couple that their entire cast and the majority of their fandom supports that they’re putting entire plots and storylines on the line.

“Jesus Christ everything has to be about lgbt these days. sick of it.” 

Firstly, you're on tumblr. What the fuck do you expect? Secondly, you have a completely empty blog just to spread your homophobia, that’s childish af. Thirdly, LITERALLY, NOTHING IS ABOUT LGBT THAT’S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT! Every single straight person who whines about “everything’s so gay now” “I can’t watch anything without it being all about lgbt” TELL ME WHAT YOU’RE WATCHING AND WHERE YOU’RE FINDING IT. BECAUSE IT DOESN’T EXIST. 

Nobody is trying to make everything lgbt+, especially star wars, because if it was then we wouldn’t have han and leia and they’re iconic af, even if han is totally bi... okay, i’ll stop. But the point is, we’re not trying to make everything lgbt but most things are naturally lgbt+. One in four people are gay. Just gay. Think about how many characters are in Star Wars? It’s not unrealistic for some of them to be gay. In fact, it’s completely more than likely. Whether it’s Luke, Poe, Finn, Rey, Han, Leia or old Ben Kenobi, someone in that galaxy far far away is gay whether you like it or not.

I’ve seen a lot of people also saying that Star Wars isn’t even about romance, it’s about friendship and while, yes, you’re not wrong. Romance has never been a small part of it either. Han and Leia are still one of the most iconic straight white couples ever. Padme and Anakin’s romance was what started this whole mess in the first place and literally not a single person ever complained about either of those relationships.. So when you say that you don’t want it focussing on romance over friendship. What you’re really saying is that you’d rather it focussed on friendship than a gay romance.

“Stop with that lgbt crap”

That lgbt crap as you so eleoquently put it is literally mine and billions of other people’s lives. How about you stop with your homophobic crap? That’ll work out a lot better for us all?

Lastly, exactly who is it hurting?

Who is watching a healthy interracial queer relationship, or even just a non-white queer man on their screen and is hurt by it? Nobody. 

Giving LGBTQ+ people a voice hurts nobody. Seeing a gay character is not going to turn your child gay, just like seeing millions of straight characters on screen hasn’t magically turned me straight, because that’s not how it fucking works.

What hurts people is silencing that voice. Calling it s*upid and childish and irrelevant, that’s hurting people. And I know, that if you’re silencing these voices that you probably don’t care but a lot of people do. It matters to more people than you could possibly understand. This sort of content has the power to change someone’s life for the better and if that makes you and your homophobic lifestyle uncomfortable for a couple of hours. Then I really don’t give a flying fuck. 

If you don’t like it. Don’t watch the movies.

Stormpilot isn’t hurting anyone. If you wanna hate on a ship that is the symbolism of abuse then go shit on the r*ylo shippers, because that’s the real issue in the star wars fandom at the minute. 

TL;DR: Stop invalidating lgbt+ voices by mocking them and calling them childish. Stop spreading your homophobia. If you don’t ship finnpoe, okay, move on. LGBTQ+ people deserve representation like women deserve wonder woman and black people deserve black panther.

Why are you all so adamant that it’s wrong for us to force queerness on poe or finn or luke but you’re all happy to force heterosexuality on rey who has shown no real interest in a relationship besides hugging finn.

Did I miss anything?

[bringmetolife-pwff]

Part One : Chapter Twenty-Eight - Front Page Disaster!

Evelyn Bennett Thrown Drinks at Her!  Must See!

Evelyn Bennett gets into a brawl with ex-best friend!

EVELYN BENNETT'S WILD NIGHT OUT WITH THE ROYALS

. while Prince William is away Evelyn goes out to play

. Evelyn Bennett and Blair Taylor go off

. "You bitch" was yelled.

. Evelyn isn't such a nice girl after all

Late last night Evelyn Bennett, 24, was seen leaving Raffles like a hot mess!  She was seen entering well put together and beautiful and by the end she had alcohol thrown at her and words were thrown between her and her ex-best friend Blair Taylor.  

Witnesses from the club said that it seemed pretty heated.  At one point Blair was told to 'sod off.'

Threats were made and drinks were thrown.  There are rumours circling round that Prince William and Evelyn Bennett are dating but nothing has neither been confirmed nor denied.  Though, she does spend her days now with Prince William, Prince Harry and their family and friends.  

What we know:

Blair Taylor and Evelyn Bennett have a complicated history.  

They were best friends since primary school and only seven months ago did their friendship end due to infidelity on her ex-fiance Liam Matthews' part.  Some speculated that Evelyn cheated on him first but those claims have been debunked and classified as not true.

Evelyn Bennett was seen getting into some pretty heavy language with ex-best friend although we don't know what exactly was being said.

Prince William and Evelyn were first seen getting cosy together at his and Prince Harry's late mum, Princess Diana's remembrance concert in July of 2007.  

We here at DailyMail UK have reached out to Ms. Evelyn Bennett's reps but have received no comment.  

Evelyn read the article and let out a groan as she fell back against her pillow.  How could she be so bloody daft thinking that she wouldn't be front page?  And William was away which made everything worse!  She wasn't able to reach him as easily if even at all while he was gone.  She heard her mobile ring and at first she didn't want to answer it - but then she saw that Harry was calling and decided to answer instead.

"Are you okay, Evie?" Harry asked without greeting her.

He went straight to the point.  He had seen the tabloids.  Unlike the rest of his family, he checked them pretty frequent.  Mainly to see if all the ruckus he caused sometimes would end up on the tabloids.  Maybe it was him being paranoid.  Maybe it was him caring too much.  But he did it anyway and in this instance he was glad that he did.

When he saw his good friend and his brother's girlfriend on the front page of pretty much every tabloid he could think of he knew it wasn't for something good she had done.  It was never like that for him either.  Unlike him though - he knew that she was good and that she didn't deserve this.  She was a good person with a semi-bad relationship past, but didn't most of us?

It was only then at that question that Evelyn started to cry over the mobile.  She didn't cry very often but this was a pretty big deal to Evelyn as she had also read the comments as well which didn't do her much justice.

Why is she hanging out with the Royal family?

She's tainting their image.

I hope to God that she isn't dating Prince William.  She isn't good for him.  He deserves better.

And there was so much more.  So much more.  The hate was overwhelming her to the point where she had to tell her assistant Sam that she wouldn't be coming in to work today.  Sam and the other workers were understanding and wished her well.  

"I'll be over soon with some take out okay?  And I'm not taking no for an answer," he told her as all he heard was crying.

"Okay," she replied quietly and Harry hung up.

*

Less than hour later, Harry arrived at her place not having been here before, it was a first for him.  It was a bit odd for him being here whilst William was away, but he knew he wanted to be here for his good friend.  And he knew William would appreciate it.

Evelyn had been in touch with her family earlier as well as the girls from the night before.  She was thankful that she had such a good support system who was there for her.  Her dad especially was worried about her.  He knew that when news broke that she was dating the future King of England that the paparazzi and the tabloids will be much worse for his daughter.  He hoped he was wrong though and that she would be able to handle it when the time came.  He always taught his children to be tough but that it was okay to break down sometimes.  Peter taught them that sometimes its the strongest people who need to have a

He cared for Evelyn, obviously not in the same way as his brother, but she was his good friend and was there for him in his breakup with Chelsy.  He felt it was only right to be there for her during this tough time.  

"I brought pizza," he exclaimed holding up the pizza boxes and the cheesy bread which was her favourite.  "It's your favourite right?"

"Yes," she tried letting out a little laugh but it hurt.  "Thank you Harry.  Come in, you didn't have to do that though.  I have food here."

"I know," he shrugged his shoulders.  "But we all like our comfort food during hard times."

They hugged each other after he set down the pizza and cheesy bread boxes on her kitchen counter.  It felt like comfort and the next best thing since William couldn't be here.  They moved over to her sectional sofa after he took off his shoes and they were comfortable.

"I don't even know why I let it bother me," Evelyn told him as she ate a piece of her cheese pizza and then dipped her cheesy bread into marinara sauce to eat.  "I'm used to this.  I should be used to this.  I've grown up with it my whole life."

"I've grown up with it my whole life and so has Wills.  We still aren't used to it," he shrugs his shoulders.  "It's okay to not be used to it because it's not normal.  This was also a very personal thing that happened to you before you met Will - that should have never became public news."

"Thank you Harry, for being here for me.  I really appreciate you," she told him as she hugged him.

"It's really no problem.  So what do you want to watch?  We have Star Wars and Disney movies or rom-coms."

"You like rom-coms?" She asked raising a brow as he shrugged his shoulders.

"I've watched a few with my ex-girlfriends.  So which is it?"

"Star Wars.  I need something that doesn't remind me of anything that I've gone through in the last twenty-four hours."

"On it," Harry said as he got up from the sofa and popped in Star Wars Episode I - The Phantom Menace.  

The theme song started to play for Star Wars that played for pretty much every Star Wars movie and the words popped up on the screen in the font for the movie.  

The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute.  Hoping to resolve the matter with a blockade of deadly battleships, the greedy Trade Federation has stopped all shipping to the small planet of Naboo.  

She always loved the Star Wars movie series and had even gone to Disneyland when she lived in New York.  She loved Tomorrowland and all of the scientific discoveries in it as well as the rides.  Evelyn missed living in the States and being so close to Disneyland for that reason.  She had quite the collection of Star Wars things along with Harry Potter.  She knew to some people it probably seemed childish to them but she loved them.

For the rest of the afternoon, up until Harry had to leave for a Royal engagement of his own, they watched Star Wars and other tv shows whilst eating pizza and cheesy bread.  Harry was also in the military and was leaving soon to go back to military training.  She would miss him as she loved spending time with him and he the same with her.  They were like two peas in a pod whenever they were together.

"Whose your favourite character in Star Wars?" Harry asked her as he drank his beer.

"Definitely Padmé.  You?"

"Luke Skywalker," he then proceeded to imitate himself using an invisible light saber and making the noises it would make as Evelyn laughed.  "Would you ever name your kids after any Star Wars characters?"

"No," she laughed at the comment.  "Luke and possibly Leia maybe.  Those are normal but the others?  No!  I can't believe that people actually do that.  Would you?"

"Bloody hell no.  There's much better names than those, I reckon."

*

For the next several days Evelyn remained low-key, not even issuing a statement out on her social media platforms.  She had been informed by Samantha that tabloid companies had been reaching out to her for a statement and Evelyn told her to tell them 'no comment.'  

There was nothing to tell.  It wasn't the world's business anyway what went on in Evelyn's private life.

It should have never made front page.

--

a/n: sorry for the shortish chapter - i'll try and make the next one longer.  hope you all are doing well!

what do you think of Harry and Evelyn's friendship?  like it or no?

the paparazzi always ruin things :(  who do you think sent them?

[absoluteabsolem]

I have seen Beauty and the Beast and I have a lot of things to say so.. here I come (spoilers, spoilers everywhere).

I won't lie, I went to the cinema with a lot of skepticism and apprehension because I legit thought it was going to be average at best. See I've always loved the animated version and it holds a sacred place in my Disney-fan small heart, so I was a bit scared they'd ruin it because well, what if the Beast is horrible, what if Lumière and Cogsworth and the whole family are completely messed-up, what if everything goes wrong, what if Emma Watson isn't a good choice for Belle after all, what if Be Our Guest is terrible, what if all the songs lose their magic even though Alan Menken is back for the soundtrack, what if what if what if.

My experience was a bit different than it would've been if I had seen the film in my regular cinema. You see, Beauty and the Beast was my very first IMAX experience (and my eyes took their time to adjust to the incredible visuals). It was amazingly beautiful, especially during a few scenes I'll mention later. Mind you, I didn't love everything in this live-action, but my global impression is more than positive. My expectations were low to say the least, and gods was I wonderfully surprised.

I got chills the moment I heard the first notes of the prologue, mostly because of the nostalgia. I think Alan Menken adapted the soundtrack as best as could be done, but some parts lacked a bit of the original magic in my opinion. The prologue has always been my favourite instrumental part, and the beginning of it wasn't as powerful as the original one (once we get to the enchantress, the instruments take you somewhere else entirely though). The introduction is narrated by Emma Thompson, and that was a wonderful idea. I've always loved her voice and damn she does the job. Everyone needs to know that.

A song was written for the film to present the arrogant and empty Prince as well as the people who lived with him; I disliked it, very much. There are two songs I always skip while listening to the soundtrack, and it's one of them. It made me feel nauseous at the very sight of the Prince, the whole scene was incredibly disgusting to my eyes and ears. Not because the actors and the song were terrible, but because of the toxic atmosphere coming from all these people.

Then the Enchantress showed up. She had some Galadriel vibes, she was mesmerizing. It was my « oh, I guess it won't be so bad » moment, that's when I decided I would stop living in fear of every single scene. The Enchantress my dudes, the Enchantress was perfect. Something I loved in this version is that they covered every narrative error (there might be new ones but I didn't see them); the Prince hasn't been a Beast for 10 years so he wasn't 11 at the time but already a grown-ass bitch; the Enchantress erased everyone's memories of the castle and the people who lived in it, thus why no one ever looked for them. Also, every time a petal falls, the dishes lose a bit of their humanity (until they turn into litteral objects once the rose has died) and the castle crumbles a little. I think it makes the whole thing a bit more adult, it adds a dark side to an already quite gloomy story (when you think about it).

I loved the way Belle's song was filmed, the choregraphy was incredible, and my heart melted when Emma Watson sang the part about the book she's reading. Of course it's also the time we get introduced to Gaston. LeFou and Gaston's dynamic is amazing, they're both far more fabulous in the live-action. Their dialogues never failed to make me laugh, and a few scenes with Maurice were just perfect.

Since I'm talking about Maurice, another moment created for this film was a short song sang by him once Belle comes back home, and I loved it. Maurice has a real personnality here, you get attached to him quite quickly, Kevin Kline did a wonderful job. You learn a lot of things about Belle's mother. Every single character has a real backstory here and it was interesting to discover all these new things (even the Enchantress is a more or less regular character). Even Philippe is still a mighty hero.

The first time Belle and Beast meet was great, they changed it a bit because her father doesn't want to leave so she throws him out of his cell and locks herself in it. Also it's Lumière who opens the door to show Belle her new room, so it clearly shows than the Beast does not give a single fuck about Belle at the time when he was a bit more polite in the animated.

Once we go back to the village, it is of course, time for Gaston's song, and it's beautiful, though less exaggerated as could be anticipated (animation has no limits right). LeFou steals the show here (and he's totally gay for Gaston). There's an instrumental part in the song where everyone is dancing on the tables and all and it was so cool you guys. I was waiting for this scene to come and I was not disappointed.

I didn't rly mention Lumière & Co before please forgive me; Ewan McGregor's completely failed French accent is the best thing I've ever heard, everyone is perfect in their roles but what can I say Lumière has always been my fave. The design of everyone in the castle in so on point my dudes ! I gotta say I have a bit of a problem with the permanent duck-face of the Beast but hey they did their best (plus you only notice it when he's not moving and the camera is focused on his face).

But now my dear friends, now is the time to talk about the very best thing in this film. The song we all waited for (nO I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT EVERMORE YOU LITTLE SHITS), the song that made me wish I could visit that bloody castle when I was a kid..

Be. Our. Guest.

You guys. Fellow bros. You all need to see and listen to Be Our Guest. It's perfect, it's a magical experience, Ewan McGregor is wonderful, the choregraphy is so mind-blowing the special effects team probably had a few nervous breakdowns while doing Be Our Guest and it was worth all the struggle. IT WAS SO FUCKING GORGEOUS ALL THESE COLOURS *coughs* srsly watch this film in IMAX if you can. I couldn't stop smiling during the whole scene (also I cried a little because I loved it so much but shhhh). There are no words to truly express how I felt during that moment, I wanted to sing along and annoy everyone in the cinema but I didn't 'cause I'm a nice person. It was flawless.

The way the Beast and Belle slowly discover each other is still lovely af, especially when he shows her the library (in a different way than he does in the animated and I gotta say I prefer this version, it was funnier but still in character). They spend a lot of time together reading lots of books and you can feel time passing by where it could seem like the story took 3 days to happen in the animated (and thus giving assholes a reason to shout WOW STOCKHOLM SYNDROME WOW WOW)

And while we see a romance blossoming we can also observe Gaston revealing his rotten core, his charming mask falling to show us what a monster he is. Luke Evans is absolutely terrifying in this film. He just seems kinda dumb at the beginning but then LeFou fails to calm him and the real beast of the film is released. We see it when Gaston tries to kill Maurice by leaving him unconscious in the woods after failing to find the castle, but in the Mob Song it's truly terrifying. I've read a few reviews and everyone agrees that the Mob Song in the live-action is far, far better than the animated one. The only complain I have is that the camera doesn't focuse on Gaston during the whole thing, and it's not a very important detail so yeah, the Mob Song slays (also Luke Evans sings divinely and LeFou has a great line in the song you need to listen to it just for that tbh).

(if you've seen the film you'll notice I didn't talk about Evermore because I hate that song even if the idea of the Beast climbing his castle to see Belle leaving breaks my heart, I think it was ridiculous. Sorry guys)

OH ALSO I FORGOT but there's a new song taking place after Belle enters her room for the first time, and everybody sings in it, it's kind of a different version of Human Again but better in my opinion. It's so lovely, the lyrics are simply beautiful.

aNYWAY this is getting quite long so I'll try to make it quick. The battle between Lumière & Co and the villagers is really cool, it's also the moment Gaston betrays LeFou so he decides to join the good guys, because LeFou actually is a nice person.

I'm kinda disappointed Gaston's hair isn't loose when he fights the Beast in this version because I just really love long hair and it made him look even more insane. He also uses a gun instead of a knife and shoots the Beast four times if I recall well. His eyes are cold af while he does it but I think killing someone with a knife is more personal and shows more hatred than using a gun, so I was a tiny bit « meh » during that part, but it was still breath-taking. Gaston telling the Beast he's there to kill him because Belle sent him, then the last spark of hope leaving the Beast's eyes THEN BELLE SHOWS UP AND GASTON GETS FUCKING REKT BY THIS GIGANTIC ANGRY LION anyway it was great I just like to rant about details no one else notices.

But then !! shit happens !!! the Beast dies before Belle tells him she loves him, the last petal falls, Lumière & Co turn into objects, despair and sorrow is everywhere, tHE CURSE IS NOT BROKEN BUT DO NOT FEAR MY DUDES THE ENCHANTRESS ENTERED THE CASTLE WITH ALL THE OTHER VILLAGERS AND SHE SAW THAT BELLE LOVED HIM SO SHE BREAKS THE CURSE HE COMES BACK TO LIFE AND HE TRANSFORMS

THE RIDICULOUS FIREWORKS ARE NOT THERE IN THE LIVE-ACTION

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG I WAITED FOR THOSE SILLY THINGS TO GO AWAY ???

HAVE YOU ANY IDEA HOW LONG I WAITED ?

TWELVE YEARS

IN AZKA- wait a second

anyway

I absolutely loved the transformation, the music was beautiful and there was a golden mist and petals around the Beast it was so, so perfect. THEN BELLE SEES HIS EYES AND SHE'S LIKE « IT IS YOU » AND I'M LIKE YES IT'S HIM YOU FUCKING IDIOT DIDN'T YOU SEE HIS PORTRAIT IN THE FORBIDDEN WEST WING THAT DOESN'T EXIST okay no I didn't think that but I could have

Then everyone becomes human again and we see Cogsworth trying to run away from his newly-returned wife, Lumière and Plumette discreetly leaving because they're horny af, Mrs Potts hugging Chip and everyone's happy and Gaston's corpse is rotting somewhere and LeFou has a new boyfriend and people sing and everything's fine now, and I'm so happy I saw this film in IMAX it was absolutely worth it and you should all give it a try even if you're an annoying purist motherfucker like me (jfc this is a very long review I'm so sorry).

[typegripe-blog]

Movie Rant #1 - Star Wars Thoughts, Part 1

With the release of the trailer for Episode 8, I thought I’d share some thoughts about the sequel trilogy so far.

Now this might be an unpopular opinion but I’ll open this right away and say that I prefer the Prequels to Episode 7. Now it could be argued that I first saw the Prequels when I was young and I am just bitter about Disney owning Star Wars now and that I am going to just hate anything different. But I don’t believe this is true. I watched The Clone Wars series for the first time months before Episode 7 came out and I loved it. And on top of this while I did not enjoy Episode 7 very much, I thought Rogue One was one of the greatest Star Wars movies that has ever been released. I would go so far as to say it’s tied with A New Hope as my second favourite. (Empire obviously being the best.)

And don’t mistake it, as a movie by itself Episode 7 is way better than the prequels. Acting, shots, editing and dialogue were way better. When considered with the rest of the series, I think it just doesn’t fit in properly. That being said, I do believe all the movies are worth watching.

But why did I love Rogue One beyond belief but only felt an empty hole for The Force Awakens? Well here is my main reason:

SPOILER WARNINGS FOR EPISODES 1-7, THE CLONE WARS AND ROGUE ONE

It Builds On Instead of Taking Away:

In the prequels (and especially in the Clone Wars) you get a sense that the Jedi have become complacent. They are weak because it had been over a thousand years since the Sith disappeared into the shadows and they did not believe the Sith could ever return. Mace Windu dismisses Maul as a Sith when Qui-Gon suggests the possibility. And Obi-Wan and Yoda flat out refuse to believe that a member of the Sith is controlling the senate when Count Dooku flat out says so. If you get passed some of the poor dialogue choices and cringey romance, we see that the fall of the Republic and Anakin’s belief that the Jedi are corrupt actually comes together quite nice.

In the Clone Wars it just goes even further. We see Anakin discuss with Tarkin how the Jedi aren't​ willing to take the steps necessary to end the war and that the war only highlights their incompetence and failures as a group and so called ‘keepers of the peace.’ As well we get how much affected Anakin is when Ahsoka is abandoned by the Jedi and how willing they are to let her get executed for a crime she didn’t commit.

So why is all of that important? Because it gives us motivation and insight into characters we didn’t actually know that much about. We see how shamed Yoda is by his failure to prevent the atrocities that occur to the Jedi and we see how Obi-Wan feels he failed Anakin so completely. And most importantly we see the human that is behind Darth Vader, and we see how broken and twisted he’s become.

On top of this we see where being all ‘high and mighty’ got the Jedi. The pompous Jedi were destroyed because they didn’t believe anything could ever touch them. The characters we sympathise with are the Grey Jedi. Qui-Gon Jinn is caring, willing to use tricks, gamble, disobey the council and in the end he’s the only one who truly sees Anakin’s potential and actually believes that Maul could be a Sith. And to an extent Obi-Wan follows in his footsteps. We are led to understand that true power in the force should come from balance.

When Obi-Wan and Yoda train Luke, they teach him the Jedi ways but try to teach him to be more mindful. They don’t want him to make the mistakes they made. By Return of the Jedi, we see Luke use force choke, force manipulation, intimidation and is walking this fine line of good and evil. In the end he chooses good, but his good isn’t the 'good’ of the old republic. He has family and friends, he doesn’t believe in the cold blooded approach of the Republic era Jedi, his is much more of a Grey Path.

So we assume that he is going to be the best Jedi ever. That he learned to be one with the force and really walk that middle road of balance. He won’t make the same mistakes the Republic Era Jedi made….

……Except he does. According to Episode 7, he trains some people to use the force but instead of being the awesome Jedi we believed he was at the end of Episode 6, it turns out he’s just as bad as the Republic Jedi. Kylo Ren pulls an Anakin and kills all the other Jedi and turns evil.

And this is where the problem lies. Where the prequels gave us a universe that was designed to strengthen and give more meaning to the original trilogy, Episode 7 throws anything learned aside in order to ensure that the story continues.

Anything accomplished in Episode 6 means nothing from the start of Episode 7. The Empire is not defeated, the good guys are still a tiny rebellion. The only good government is conveniently destroyed so that it’s still the story of a small group of ragtag rebels fighting the big scary Empire. Sure, the empire would not be completely destroyed at the end Return of the Jedi. But their leader is gone, he had no real contingent, no heir. Most groups seemed to support that the Rebellion won. So why is the First Order more powerful than the original Empire? Why was there no one to try to wipe out the empire remnants in over 30 years? It felt like they wanted to have a story to reflect A New Hope so in order to do so they had to dismiss any progress at the end of the original trilogy. It makes it feel as if the original trilogy just shouldn't​ have happened because it turns out nothing was accomplished.

Say what you will about the old Expanded Universe bit at least the Thrawn Trilogy was only a few years after Endor, and even then Thrawn is only barely keeping together a shattered force. As well, the villain wasn’t even a force user. He didn’t compete with Vader like Kylo Ren, he was so different and yet just as intimidating a foe. If anything Thrawn only strengthened what Darth Vader was and contrasted with him in a lot of ways. But I digress, my love of Thrawn aside I’ll go back to Episode 7.

On top of Luke turning out to be the exact same as Yoda, we get the fact that Han and Leia aren’t even happy together after all this time. That’s not really a big deal and doesn’t actually take away from the story, it’s just that it’s another thing that was just destroyed for the sake of making Episode 7 more interesting. Nothing from Episode 6 is shown to have made any lasting effect on the universe.

We get to the biggest culprits now: the fact that everything had to be taken up a notch from the original trilogy.

The Death Star was a monumental thing that shook the universe and took the funds of an entire empire to build. It could blow up worlds and it seemed like an impossible task for the rebels to take it down. But that’s nothing​ now, who cares about the Death Star? It has to move to a world to blow it up. No, now we have the Star Killer Base. It can shoot across the universe and eats suns. The Death Star was the size of a small moon? So what? The Star Killer Base is a literal planet!

How did the first order afford this? Where did it come from? Why did they have to 'outdo’ the original trilogy just for the sake of having bigger and better? It makes anything that happened before seem silly because the empire is just bigger and badder, so why did the death of the emperor even matter? Why did blowing up the Death Star matter? It all ended up being pointless after a few years anyways.

And then there is Rey. Ugh. I’ll get to her in a second.

I may not be overly thrilled by Kylo Ren but there are some things I genuinely thought were great about his character. The fact that he wore that helmet to mimic Darth Vader, the fact that he obsesses over Vader are great. They show how important and long lasting the terror of Vader was and that after more than 30 years, Vader is the epitome of villains. On top of that, I love that he loses his temper in a more childlike fashion just smashing stuff at random instead of the cool hatred Vader has when he chokes those who fail him. As well the fact that his lightsaber is imperfect and shows that he is obviously somewhat self taught and not a real Sith or even fully trained Jedi. He shows a Dark Jedi that did not have a mentor like Darth Sidious and never completed his training like Anakin and I actually enjoyed that.

But then there’s Rey. I think she was the worst part of Episode 7. Out of everything they did, she is what ruined the movie for me. She feels more like a fanfiction character than someone that should actually exist in the movies. In A New Hope, Luke doesn’t use force powers, he doesn’t even really use a lightsaber despite him holding it on the poster. He proves his connection to the force by making a 1 in a million shot to blow up the Death Star. Anakin Skywalker, the most powerful Jedi in the universe, is able to Pod Race and is a pretty good pilot but he doesn’t use force powers until after years of training.

Rey does all of this in one movie. She’s just better than every character that’s been in a Star Wars movie for no reason other than to make her cool. She is an exceptional pilot, despite being relatively segregated from most of her home planet. When did she learn? How did she have the time? Who’s ship did she practice on?

She uses force pull more powerfully than Kylo Ren despite never having any training and Kylo Ren actually having training from Luke. She uses force manipulation despite only masters being shown to use this power (even Luke only uses it in Jedi after a few years of practice). How did she even know this was a power? Why was she able to use it so effectively? Why didn’t she have to move her hand like every other Jedi that uses it?

They make every other Jedi look like an idiot because she could figure everything out in a matter of days while it took others years. The Prequels show how powerful Luke is because he is learning to use the force at an older age in a matter of days. He can lift stones and jump around all because of Yoda’s training and his innate abilities. But even he has nothing on Rey because she just instantly knows how to use every force power the plot needs her to learn.

What’s wrong is that Episode 7 doesn’t follow the same rules that the other movies have established. It was like they wanted to have a bunch of nostalgia moments but didn’t care that putting them in made no sense or just made Rey feel way to overpowered.

This went a lot longer than I expected to go, so I’m going to talk about Rogue One (and why I fanboyed so hard the first time I watched it) in a second part.

If you have any comments, agree or disagree let me know why! I would love to hear it! Thanks!