#Look Where Our Hearts Have Led Us ::Promo::

[wordynerdygurl]

Someone to Watch Over Me

Part 1:  “Love is Blind”

Author’s Note:  Do you think the Duffer’s realized what they were doing when they brought Eddie Munson to life on paper?  I don’t think so.  Because it’s been, what, nine or so months now, and I’m still all in on my favorite ne’er do well metal head.

This is my first time with an Original Character standing in for “reader”.  Just like with my reader insert fics, our OC is female and plus size. Pairing:  Eddie Munson x Plus Size OC Amanda Patterson Summary:  It’s love at first sound, pitch perfect and fated, everything in harmony.  If only life were a love song.  

Amanda and Eddie meet by chance but their connection is real.  Some night music and milkshakes maybe all it takes to show that Hawkins’ resident bad boy is worthy of love.  The kind of love a misfit like Amanda is ready to give to the right guy.  Have they each found the right someone to watch out for them? Warnings:  This is a slower burn than my usual, but I think it’ll be worth it.  There will be SMUT in additional chapters, but for now, there’s making out, eating a lot of junk food, some size shaming and self doubt.  Oh, and a character gets slapped.

“There’s a saying old, says that love is blind”

1990

“So, Eddie, how’s the tour been going?”

Pulling a long strand of dark hair over his cheek, a nervous habit he couldn’t seem to break, Eddie raised his dark eyes to the reporter asking the questions, ignoring the video camera and boom mic hovering overhead.  It took everything in him to keep the sarcastic edge in his tone to a minimum, “Well, Chuck, it’s been a helluva time.  Me and the boys, we’re just taking what comes.  It’s been fuckin’ amazing to see so many cities and of course, our fans.” “Oopsie!  Can’t curse like that, Eddie.  Can we cut around that?”  Chuck was asking some producer, talking over Eddie’s head, ignoring him all in the name of being appropriate for television.  Already he was over this whole experience.  What Eddie really wanted was to get back to the green room, have a beer or a smoke- scratch that.  And a smoke, before having to play tonight’s show.

The conversation around editing was still happening, Eddie’s interview on pause.  It gave him a minute to evaluate the man asking the questions.  Smarmy, yea, that’s the word Eddie would use for a guy like Chuck.  Hair slicked back and suit a little too colorful to be classy, the guy was cheesy as hell, but he was going to film a piece about the band.  Something for MTV to use in promos or some shit.  Eddie didn’t really care to know.  There were people for that now.  The same people who kept assuring him that there was no such thing as bad publicity.  Not when there was a nationwide tour that needed to sell tickets and t-shirts and records, so he bit his tongue and smiled sheepishly, waiting for the next question. “We rolling?  Great.  Ok, ready Eddie?” Nodding in answer, Eddie gave him the green light.  The interviewer tapped his finger against the skinny microphone in his hand, picking up seamlessly from where they had stopped earlier, “That’s good to hear.  Now, Corroded Coffin plays specifically metal but who has influenced your musical journey?  Which artists do you listen to?” Blowing out an exhale, his lips parting, Eddie thought for a minute.  “Ya know, all the greats Chuck.  I mean, I cut my teeth on Led Zeppelin.  Heart, Black Sabbath, obviously-” he rolled his eyes for emphasis, “-Iron Maiden and Metallica.  You play metal music and I’m there, man.” Chuck nodded along, agreeing with everything coming out of Eddie’s mouth, trying way too hard to seem interested.  He seemed more like a Madonna kinda guy, too caught up in the look of something to worry about its substance.  It grated on Eddie’s nerves, set his teeth on edge. “Gotcha.  So, the people want to know-” Chuck drug out the question, clearly enjoying the way he baited his interviewee, “-What is Eddie Munson’s favorite song?” Toffee colored eyes widened.  Despite the movement around him, the roadies hauling in speakers and gear, the conversations between stage crew and security guards, the clicking of boot heels on parquet flooring, Eddie could hear it.  His favorite song.  Clear and distinct, the memory a perfectly preserved bubble of sight and sound.  From over his shoulder someone coughed, bringing Eddie back to the here and now.  “Uh, sorry.  Didn’t mean to zone out there.” “Don’t worry, we’ll edit it out.”  Chuck’s hand made a motion urging him to continue. Eddie’s ring laden right hand rubbed across the skin on the back of his neck, internally debating just how real to be with his response.  In the end, Eddie told the whole truth.  He spilled one of his deeply held secrets to a douche bag with gelled back hair and a smile that was too much teeth. Looking directly into the bubbled lens of the video camera, Eddie offered up a reluctant, almost embarrassed smile, “My favorite song?  That’s a great question, man.  And, uh, ya know, I wanna say something hard rocking and fast.  But honestly?  Someone to Watch Over Me by the Gershwin brothers.” Eddie’s voice was practically a whisper at his admission.  He was ready for a ribbing.  A hard rocker like him, known for bad boy behavior and leaving a lady behind in every city?  No way Eddie Munson could possibly be a romantic at heart, right? Fully expecting a laugh from smarmy Chuck, some jab about the softness of his choice, or a comment on it being a standard, something old fashioned or behind the times.  But Eddie only heard the insipid agreement of the interviewer, “Great song.  A classic.” “Yea.  It is.”

—

1987

It had always come naturally to Amanda.  She opened her mouth and the sound just came out, warm and round, with the right amount of inflection and sweetness of tone.  Singing was what she did.  From the time she could talk, Amanda was making music, using her body as the instrument. Church choir taught her how to sight read sheet music, her voice moving up and down the scale in time with the half and quarter notes.  Learning how to let her high Soprano melt in with the other members of the chorus so that no individual could be heard over another.  Discovering the power of dynamics; an effective hushed line that built into a climaxing crescendo, the rush of belting out a powerful note with all of the choir members doing the same.  Amanda continued to discover the best ways to utilize her voice, really only ever happy when she was humming or whistling or belting out a tune. One Christmas there was a tawny wooden guitar under the tree.  She carried it with her everywhere she could.  Teaching herself the chords from a beginner’s guide until she could play “Frosty the Snowman” without stopping.  And her unquestionable love of music grew with every new song she memorized until the entire book had faded from overuse. There were high school musicals, of course.  Grease, Annie, Guys and Dolls, Anything Goes.  And even if she was always the sidekick with no solo, hanging around in the back of the chorus lines, she loved performing.  Being on a stage, with the lights and excitement, the tension of anxiety turning into the power needed to propel her through the show.  Amanda lived for the thrill of it.  Something could go wrong or things could go incredibly right.  In either case, you could never truly know which way it would play out until it was happening.  Then, the curtain would fall and there would be bows and applause. Amanda loved the spotlight, absolutely and unequivocally.  Only, the spotlight didn’t love her back. Her round, full cheeks wouldn’t do to play Sandy.  The curvy, womanly figure she’d grown into wouldn’t work for Annie or Pepper or even Mrs. Hannigan.  Despite the lovely, lyrical quality to her voice, it wasn’t enough to outweigh her looks. So Amanda sang out loud and long from the back row of the chorus, her robe tight across her ample chest.  She learned the simple choreography for musical numbers and was told, “you’re so light on your feet” as if it was shocking to see.  Every year was a new chance to gain that place in the middle of the stage, singing for all she was worth for everyone to hear, but never making it due to a healthy appetite which made her soft in the places where people would rather she be firm. It was the bitterest of pills, but she swallowed it, happy just to be involved.  Pleased to have her name printed in the program as a participant even if she was living off of the scraps of lesser performers who just so happened to look prettier under the hot stage lamps.  She accepted hugs from the pretty boys who tried on singing and dancing as a way to meet girls, but wouldn’t give her a second glance.  The boys who saw her as the funny, talented friend of the group.  Always happy to drive everyone home, listen to everyone’s troubles, offering sage advice and asking for nothing in return.  That was Amanda.

All too soon, school was ending.  Over.  And college loomed in front of her, full of promise and secret worries.

She knew what she wanted, what she had always wanted.  It had never changed despite the wacky directors who hid her behind scaffolding or pushed her to the dim corners of the stage.  Amanda was on the earth to do one thing only: make beautiful music. It was, after all, her favorite thing to do. Unfortunately, it was also incredibly difficult to make a career out of, something her parents constantly felt the need to remind her about.  They only wanted what was best for her, that’s what they said anyways.  And what was best, in the opinion of Mr. and Mrs. Patterson, was a steady job as a hairdresser or nurse or preschool teacher.  Anything really to fill the gap until she met “the one”, got married and started having their grandchildren. Too bad Amanda loved the music so much more.  It had taken a lot of work, hours and hours of debating and shouting but somehow she had convinced them to let her go to school for music.  The catch?  She’d also study education.  It was a compromise Amanda was willing to make, just to get her foot in the door.  Worst case?  She’d wind up a music department chair at some high school or another, a great back up plan to her real dream: musical super stardom like Linda Rondstadt or Carol King. Only, school was expensive, especially when you were trying to make music your career.  And her parents did as much as they could, which she was incredibly grateful for, but everything cost so damn much.  So, almost broke and entirely desperate, Amanda searched around until finding a part time position at The Music Shop.  She started selling sheet music and drum sticks, auto tuners and guitar straps from a squat building painted an obnoxious shade of ocean blue that could be seen for miles in any direction. Occasionally there’d be a student in need of some musical mentoring and she’d drag out her acoustic guitar, the tawny one she kept in its cardboard case after all these years.  Showing them where to hold their fingers and how to press against the tough strings in order to get a pretty sound out of the instrument brought her a lot of joy.  It was still making music and that was enough for her between class work and socializing and generally trying to be a good person. The college classes related to music and music theory were fascinating.  Her collection of records and tapes had grown significantly.  It seemed as though every new person she talked to had a list of bands she “just had to listen to” and Amanda did. How could she ever thank her roommate’s boyfriend for turning her on to Lou Reed?  Did she live before knowing all the words to Pirates of Penzance?  How did Whitney Houston sound so incredible all of the time?

Writing a paper on the importance of Tom Petty’s ability to pen pretty lyrics, Amanda found herself surrounded by like minded musical folks.  She was invited to parties where everyone sang along to the radio, getting rowdy in the tame way theater kids everywhere are prone to do.  Drinking beers was fun.  Smoking cigarettes killed her throat through and Amanda refused to damage her instrument with nicotine like that.  Besides, she couldn’t afford them anyway. When she wasn’t studying or singing or stocking, Amanda did gig out.  Sometime during her first semester she had been approached by Jim, a cellist, Mark, a drummer and Carly, a pianist.  Having met the threesome at someone or other’s pre-Thanksgiving break bash, Amanda hadn’t realized it right away but she was casually auditioning for their band.  Not once did her size come up.  All the three seemed to care about was how quickly they could get her into a rehearsal.  They had a jazz trio and wanted someone to vocalize for them, someone with a soft tone, an easy timber that could get them playing in front of bigger crowds.  That she blended in with their group dynamic made it an easy fit and soon, the four of them were playing shows together all over the area and regularly too. Now, well into her third year at school, Amanda had a good idea of what her life was going to look like.  She would work the store, teaching a couple of private students the ways of the guitar, and sing out with the band on the weekends.  If they happened to get a wee bit drunk after a show, who could blame them?  After all, they were barely twenty and the world still had so much left to show them. At the music shop, one late September Saturday, Amanda took a minute to hang up the flier for Hawkins’ Autumn Concert Series.  Their quartet had been asked to entertain, practicing for weeks now getting the set list perfect for their biggest concert yet.  Smiling happily to herself, she gently forced the pushpin into the cork board where the typical announcements of used instruments for sale, lessons for keyboard or piano, and imploring alerts for new band members all co-existed in a colorful, clashing collage. Stepping backwards, Amanda wasn’t entirely paying attention, her mind already drifting to the highlight of the performance.  What she was going to wear, how she’d do her hair, all the little details that she liked to get right in an effort to make sure that the show went off without a hitch.  That’s how she missed the fellow who was crouched down behind her, ringed hands reaching for the Iron Maiden song book that was propped up on the bottom shelf. Her booted foot hit something solid, something that shouldn’t be in the aisle, and she turned quickly.  A blur of black leather and curls flew upwards fast.  The joint of her ankle rolled and Amanda reached out blindly, connecting with a solid wall of a person, holding on with a death grip to keep on her feet. Holy shit, did this chick have pretty eyes.  It was his first thought and boy, was it a doozy.  Eddie could see the shock clearing as worry crept in, crowding around the wide irises, her lips parted in a panicked “o”.  Clipped nails clawed into the denim vest he always wore, holding herself upright against the unfair tug of gravity, her forearms pressed tightly to his chest.  Bringing a steadying hand to her wrist, he shook his head, shyly smiling, “You alright there?  Took a bit of a tumble, didn’t ya?” Inhaling shakily, Amanda nodded dumbly, her heart still thrumming.  Still standing much too close to a stranger.  She had been certain of falling but having this, this guy break that fall, was disconcerting in an entirely different way.  “Oh, I am so sorry!  I didn’t see you, and-” “Hey, it’s ok.  No harm done, so long as you’re ok.  You are ok, right?”  There was a brief flash of concern that crossed his face, but it faded when Amanda bobbed her head at his question. She hadn’t moved.  Eddie was still looking down at her upturned face, the way her hair fell softly against her cheeks and the sweet sweep of her nose making her look about as precious as he had ever had the pleasure to see.  Eddie didn’t want to look away. For another beat they stood there, together, surrounded by score books and tutorial materials while an instrumental version of “Don’t Stop Believing” played through the store speakers.  Shifting in his Reeboks, Eddie swayed to the melody and Amanda let herself be carried along with him.  In another second, Amanda was certain that she would wrap his arms around her waist and call it a day.  Already, Eddie’s free hand was sliding towards her shoulder, another point of contact with this unknown, but very cute, man. “Yo!  Amanda?  Are you-”  Kyle’s voice cut through the force field around the pair.  At the sound of her manager’s shout she panic jumped back far enough to thud against the very cork board which held her proudly hung announcement, knocking the air out of her lungs with a grunted, “Oof!” “Jesus!  What are you doing?”  

Amanda’s eyes went wide at Kyle’s intrusion, and she pressed a hand to her chest to stop her startled heart from bursting free from the unused adrenaline, “Me?  Kyle, you scared the crap out of me!” Eddie’s head had snapped towards the interruption before pivoting back to the pretty lady he now knew was called Amanda.  His hand reached for hers reflexively, to help steady her, the same shy grin tugging at his lips.  That she took it and held it like a lifeline sent a zig-zag of energy from his fingertips straight to the muscles of his tummy which tightened at the contact. One of Kyle’s eyebrows shot skyward, his face skeptical, “What’s going on over here, anyway?”  He asked as if he already knew the answer, questioning eyes full of judgment. Amanda’s mouth opened and closed wordlessly.  What was going on back here?  She didn’t know, really. Luckily, Eddie did.  “Uh, your beautiful sales associate was just helping me find this-” holding up the song book with Iron Maiden’s logo splashed across the cover, he continued, “-and uh, then you came around the corner and, ya know, scared her half to death.” “Were you dancing?” Sneaking a quick glance her way, Eddie chuckled, “Dancing?  While she’s supposed to be working?  Naw man.  Like I said, she was helping me out.” His arms crossed over his chest, Kyle stared directly at Amanda, all but demanding her side of the story.  Running a palm up her neck, leaning into her hand, she exhaled loudly, “He’s- he’s right, Kyle.  I was just giving him, ya know, a hand.” Narrowing his eyes, not believing either of them, Kyle groaned in frustration, “Fine.  Whatever.  Just, I had a question for you.  Ya know, when you’re free?” Nodding, “Sure.  Yea, of course.  Just um-” she gestured towards Eddie, “-Give me a minute, ok?” “Yea.  Ok.”  Snorting, Kyle moved back towards the register, leaving Eddie and Amanda alone once more. Blinking those amazing eyes his way, Amanda locked her hands together to keep from touching the broad boy in front of her anymore, “So, thank you.  I’m not entirely sure what was going on, but I’m glad I don’t have to explain it to my boss.” “Right.  Well, I’m sorry for tripping you up.  Covering for you seemed like the least I could do.” Amanda heard the store’s music shift, something by Annie Lennox filling the space, and she took a tentative step away from Eddie causing him to lean forward, “Wait-” “Yea?”  Her hair swung over her shoulder, that’s how fast she spun around to face him, her stare open and curious. Nervously, Eddie bit his bottom lip as he rocked on the worn down heels of his sneakers.  For the first time in as long as he could remember he was almost unsure of what to say, “Uh, can I see you again?” Amanda didn’t laugh in his face and she didn’t shy away, both reactions he fully expected if he was honest about it.  Instead, and to his utter amazement, she reached behind her, yanking down the flier she’d only just hung up, “Absolutely.”  And she pushed the paper into his hand before scurrying toward Kyle. Shit.  He was in trouble already. Waiting just another couple of minutes, Eddie made his way to the cashier, patiently standing behind a flustered mom and her teenage son.  That the kid kept trying to get her to look at the cherry red electric guitar and amp set, already staged for Christmas, wasn’t lost on Eddie.  It’s exactly the type of gear he’d lusted after when he was young and eager, before he’d gotten his Sweetheart, and never looked back. Mind wandering, he didn’t hear her at first, “I can help you over here, sir.” Tilting his head towards her voice, Eddie took a shuffling step toward her register, “Ah, thank you, miss.” “No problem.”  But it most definitely was a problem, because Amanda couldn’t lift her gaze his way.  Not when her body rolled over hot at the memory of his chest under her fingers, his brown eyes peering down at her with sweet desire in their burnt caramel depths. Amanda punched in the code numbers, reading the price sticker and busying herself with recording the sale correctly.  “Amanda?  What’s the price for the Fender capo?” “Twelve fifty!”  It’s automatic and Eddie was astonished at how she kept focused on his sale while answering her colleague from memory. Finally, she raised her face to find Eddie’s smiling one already looking in her direction, and struggling to keep the flush of her embarrassment in control managed to ask, “Is uh, is there anything else today?” “Naw, Amanda.  I think this’ll do it.”  Giggling, a bit more timid now that she was safe behind the counter, Amanda bagged up the book and relayed the total.  Eddie pulled the bills out of his wallet, his chains clinking together musically, as Amanda made change for him quickly and precisely.  When he grabbed for the package, his fingers rested over her own for just a heartbeat, “I’ll see you soon then.  And uh, thanks for the dance, Amanda.” Stunned, all she could do was stand there, confused at the Dio patched metal head who pushed through the doorway and onto the street.  Under her breath, Amanda swore, “Fuck.  He knows my name.” —

Eddie didn’t know what he was supposed to wear to an outdoor concert in Hawkins Memorial Park at the beginning of October.  Was it a jacket and tie sort of situation?  Were jeans enough?  Was he going to stick out like a sore thumb if he was wearing a Metallica t-shirt? All of these questions and more burned through the bong ripped brain of Eddie Munson.  Pacing in front of his mirror, he fluffed his hair with his fingers, fidgety and fussing.  “Dude.  You’re fine.  What’s the big deal anyway?” Fixing Dustin with a stare that would wither lesser beings, Eddie folded down the collar of his red checkered flannel shirt, “The big deal?  I’ll tell you, Henderson.  The big deal is-” grabbing for his well used bottle of Aqua Velva and splashing a few shakes into his hands, “-I don’t wanna look like a jerk.  I want to blend in.  Just uh, enjoy some new music, and a nice night.” “Psst.  Bullshit.  Who’s the chick?” His eyes widened.  How could the little butthead know?  Eddie hadn’t said a word about the music store beauty and still, somehow, the pipsqueak was calling him out. “What chick?  Who said chick?  There’s no chick.” “Me thinks thou doth protest too much.” Pausing while he fiddled with the buttons on the sleeves of his shirt, confusion filling his face, Eddie blinked, “Wha?” “It’s Shakespeare.  You protest too much ‘cause, ya know, you’re covering up.”  Frustrated, Dustin shook his head, closing his eyes as he exhaled heavily, “Nevermind.  You’re clearly lying.  Tell me about her.  Who is she?” Looking over at his youthful friend, Eddie thought about it for a long second.  Tell Dustin about Amanda?  What was there to tell?  Shrugging safely into his shirt, Eddie bought himself some time fiddling with the buttons.  “Uh, well.  I don’t really know her all that well.  We, literally, bumped into each other at the music shop when I was picking up my new bible.”  He was now entirely focused on his hair which had decided to go fluffy.  Disgusted at what he saw, looking more pampered poodle than suave rocker, Eddie continued to run his hands through the curls as he chatted with his sidekick, “She’s uh-” “Pretty?” Dropping his gaze to the top of his dresser, Eddie’s cheeks colored at the word, “Yea.  So cute.  And, she seems smart.  Funny, ya know?” Nodding, Dustin came up behind his friend, plucking a stray hair from his shoulder, “Sounds pretty damn perfect, man.” “I’m sure there’s a catch.  There always is when it comes to women.”  Eddie couldn’t help trying to keep his excitement in check.  It was better to set his expectations low.  Less likely to hurt so bad when someone disappointed him and people always seemed to be disappointing Eddie Munson. Catching his older friend’s eye in the mirror, Dustin offered up a toothless smile, “I don’t know, man.  Maybe she’ll surprise you?” —

People were scattered around the park.  Some hovered near benches, others sat on blankets and a lucky few used their lawn chairs, dragged from home, all to get a good view of the small stage where the quartet would be performing tonight.  It was exciting. Amanda had unpacked her mic and cord, scatting a bit so that the guys could get a level on her voice and ensure a balanced sound through their mixing board.  She didn’t really understand all the technicalities, but in the end it helped make sure that they all sounded as good as possible, so Amanda played along.  “Testing one, two, three- testing one, two, three.  Can y’all hear us out there?” A smattering of claps and one enthusiastic “Woo hoo!” met her question.  Carly’s electric piano came next, banging out a couple of chords, before Jim slid his bow across the strings of his bass.  Not to be excluded, Mark took a couple of rim shots, making them all laugh. Now all that was left was waiting for the start of the show.  Seven o’clock and one of the town’s cultural council staff members used her microphone to blab about why they were hosting this event and to welcome Amanda and the band.  The lawn had filled in a bit, more people milling around which was always a good sign, so Amanda took a deep breath before greeting everyone, “Good evening everyone!  We’re the Indiana Four and we’re going to play for you tonight.  If you like what you hear, there’s a tambourine-” jingling the instrument to get everyone's attention, Amanda added, “-and I’ll leave it right here, in case you wanna put a little something in it!”

It was still too early for a full on sun set, but the sky didn’t know it.  Painted in bold streaks of orange that melted into petal pink due to the rays of the sinking sun, it created a warm glow which outlined everything around them with a gilded golden edge.  The moon was already a ghostly crescent barely visible in the rainbow tinted ether when Amanda let her voice rise into the oncoming night.  Mark counted them in with a broad smile in her direction and Carly’s piano joined the swell of music.  The deeper bass notes of Jim’s cello grounded the opening strains of their first song.  Amanda gently shut her eyes, letting her body feel every word of the song she was singing, just like she would do at home in her shower or behind the wheel of her tiny car.  Unaware of herself and completely at ease, letting her instrument, her voice, blend into the melody the four of them created together. Eddie was never going to get over the sound of her voice.  Sweet and soaring, she seemed to change the quality of its tone depending on the song, always leaving him guessing.  Which version of this lady was going to sing next?  A sultry vixen, heart broken and mournful?  The shy ingenue, new to love?  A plaintive bard, looking for answers?  Or some new character created to enchant him with only the power of her voice? In between songs, Amanda smiled brightly, joking with the people gathered and teasing her band mates playfully.  It made the entire concert feel comfortable- easy.  Like the folks who came down to see them were in on the funniest joke.  All one big, happy family who simply wanted to share music on a random October evening in the middle of Indiana. “Ok everyone, you’ve heard us sing a little of this and a little of that-” wrapping her hands around the microphone, Amanda pulled the silver stick closer, “-but now we’re going to do a favorite of mine, if that’s alright.” At the opening strains from the piano, a couple, older with matching graying hair, stood in front of their chairs and started swaying together, wrapped in each other’s arms.  Amanda’s lips spread in a wide smile pointed in their direction as she started, “There’s a saying old, says that love is blind. Still we’re often told, seek and ye will find. So, I’m gonna seek a certain lad I’ve had in mind.” Moving from the lamp post he had been leaning against, no longer content to watch from the shadows, Eddie stepped directly into Amanda’s line of sight.  She saw him.  How could she miss the leather wrapped, long haired guy who was peering straight into her soul?  And she wanted to look away, give someone, anyone else in the assembled listeners, her attention, but Amanda found that she couldn’t.

Had she expected him to be there?  Shaking her head for the crowd to see answered her own thoughts.  No, Amanda had no idea that the metal loving smooth talker would actually come to seek her out.  But, she had thought about it in the small moments between guitar lessons or while driving to her classes in the morning.

So, no.  Seeing Eddie stand there, bold as brass with his wide eyed stare and his hands in his pockets was not what Amanda had been expecting.  Hoped for, maybe.  Wished for, absolutely.  Reality though was better than anything her mind might have considered. “Looking everywhere, haven’t found him yet He’s the big affair I cannot forget, Only man I ever think of with regret.” Eddie swallowed hard.  The words she was singing wrapped around him on the night’s breeze and held on tight.  It was as if they were having a conversation that no one else could decipher, a conversation for only two. “I’d like to add his initials to my monogram, Tell me, where’s the shepherd for this lost lamb?” And she sounded lost.  Abandoned.  Alone.  Exactly like the type of person that Eddie was collecting for Hellfire or the band.  A person who needed someone like him to shield them from the big bads in life.  A guy who could protect her from the sort of wolves that a shepherd like him knew about all too well. “There’s a somebody I’m longing to see, I hope that he turns out to be Someone to watch over me.”

She was singing just to him.  Only Eddie.  There was no one else to look at, no one else who could understand or appreciate what the lyrics demanded.  “I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood, I know I could always be good To one who'll watch over me”

Eddie felt his smile slide into place.  It wasn’t the wide, dimpled, open grin that showed off his teeth and let you know he was happiest.  No, this smile was small, secret.  It drew his pretty pink tongue over the plush swell of his lips, something Amanda could see from a distance.  Then, just to be coy, his pearly top teeth bit into the pillow cushion of his bottom lip, teasing her from her position on the small stage. Even from this far away, Amanda could see that he had made an effort.  A shirt with a collar was buttoned across his chest, all red and black squares that looked soft and broken in.  Sure, it was still under his leather jacket, but the denim vest must have been left somewhere safe, because he wasn’t sporting the pins and patches that she remembered from their first encounter.  Jeans, dark blue or was it black?  She couldn’t really tell, but it didn’t entirely matter.  Either way, they fit snugly around his thighs and only sported a single torn knee.  The threads stretched across his joint, frayed and begging to be played with. His hair was wild.  It fell in waves of dark tendrils, looking to all the world like no care had been taken in its shaping and styling.  Amanda stretched the fingers of her right hand, the one not holding her mic, imagining how Eddie’s curls would feel wrapped around her fingers. He saw it all.  The way her hand fisted at her side before trailing up the chord of her microphone, tangling the slack in her fingers.  How Amanda let every note have its own moment before the next one rose to join it. “Although he may not be the man some girls think of as handsome, To my heart, he carries the key”

Eyes fluttering shut, Amanda took a breathy inhalation as the melody shifted, daring to break the spell by denying herself the sight of Eddie in the crowd.  Her heart thumped in time with Mark’s gentle drumming, thick hips swaying without her conscious approval, the crowd around her all but forgotten.  Sliding back to the original cadence, the song swelled up and out of Amanda, nearing the end. “Won't you tell him please, to put on some speed, Follow my lead, oh, how I need, Someone to watch over me”

Eddie was transfixed.  There was only him and Amanda and her voice and the falling sun burnishing everything rose golden in the fading light.  He caught the way her skirt curled happily at her ankles with every shift of her feet.  The way her mouth formed around the lyrics.  How her chest rose and fell with each expressive stanza. The words repeated: “Won't you tell him please, to put on some speed Follow my lead, oh, how I need Someone to watch over me”

Amanda let her eyes flutter open.  Closer now, unavoidable and un-ignorable, Eddie was standing directly in front of her.  The final note, held until her lungs burned from want of air, faded into the ether and she winked at him.  She couldn’t help it, really. Not when she had somehow managed to carry on as if the most handsome guy Amanda had ever bumped into wasn’t staring straight into her soul as she sang.  Not when every note was rich and ripe and reverberated across the people packed plaza even if, presently, she sang solely for an audience of one. Applause.  Clapping and whistling came from every corner of the park, jostling Eddie’s attention.  From the stage, Amanda giggled at his reaction, but smoothly covered her response, “We are just so grateful that you all came to see us tonight.  So-” tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, a shy smile pointed in Eddie’s direction, she continued, “-we’re going to do one more song before we say goodnight.” She didn’t look at Eddie at all this time.  Amanda wasn’t even sure she could, not after the intensity of singing, to him, for him.  But she could tell he was there all the same, with his elbows bending outward like leather wrapped wings, nervous energy causing him to bounce on his toes in time with the music.

The new melody started and Amanda let it take her away too.  This number is lively, the rhythm more rock than jazz, and she gave herself permission to have a little fun, show off a little bit.  Still, she actively ignored the one set of eyes that didn’t seem to stray from her own through their final song. Soon enough, it was all over and the Indiana Four began breaking down.  A few friendly folks from the audience came up and said kind words.  Luckily there were a few dollars in the tambourine and Amanda happily handed the take to Carly, “Not so bad.” “Not bad at all-” But her friend stopped mid sentence, a voice familiar and still foreign cutting through the conversation, “Um, excuse me?  Amanda?” Turning around, Amanda was surprised to find Eddie so close that the toes of her boots brushed against his Reeboks.  She looked up at him through the curtain of her mascara, “How can I help you?” Now her voice was breathy.  Husky.  And it made Eddie’s skin prickle hotly.  “Uh, I just wanted to tell you- all, tell you all just how much I enjoyed your set.” Only, Eddie never looked past Amanda’s face.  Couldn’t really.  Not when her wide eyes were staring into his own, their long lashes accentuating her curious gaze, her head tilted in a way that showed sincerity.

His calloused palm rubbed against the back of his neck, nerves getting the better of him the longer that Eddie stood there.  It felt like hours.  Long, silence filled hours where no one spoke and he dangled from a weak branch of his own social awkwardness. In reality it was only seconds before Amanda giggled like a crushing school girl, dropping her gaze to break the spell she had unwittingly cast, “Well, that’s awfully kind of you…?” Clearly she was prompting him.  It was unfair that she was at the disadvantage of not knowing his name when he had learned hers through the forced politeness of the customer service industry.  Behind her, Carly snorted as they watched Eddie extend a heavy ringed hand, taking Amanda’s in his own.  Raising it high enough to press a chaste kiss to the back, adding a saucy wink for good measure as he answered, “Eddie.  I’m Eddie.” “Eddie.”  Amanda wasn’t aware that she’d whispered it out loud until her friend was reaching past her, extending her own hand Eddie’s way for a greeting, using her flirty voice to try and charm the very handsome, very out of place guy, “Carly.  That’s me.  And-” dropping her hand when Eddie failed to take it, Carly laughed ruefully, “-you don’t care.” Carly was absolutely right.  Neither one of them paid her any attention because the world as Amanda knew it no longer existed.  Not anymore. There was a new sun, a new sky.  One with raven curls and plump, pink lips.  A center of the galaxy that smelled like Aqua Velva and cinnamon gum and something mossy green.  The world had shifted off its axis, tipping her right into the arms of Eddie Munson. For Eddie, well, he had been gone from the second Amanda had tangled herself around him so tightly that she’d almost fallen.  But it was amazing to recognize that these feelings he was having were mutual.  He got shy then, toeing at the patch of grass in front of her, hands in his pockets while he played at casual, “Wanna get outta here?” Nodding wordlessly, Amanda agreed, only to realize her unspoken intention.  “Yea!  Uh, yes.  Yes.  That would be nice.” When Eddie cocked his chin up, the smile on his face was dazzling, “Excellent.”

— She was sure that she told the band where she was going and who she was leaving with, but Amanda couldn’t be certain.  It felt like so long ago.  An age had passed since she had been standing on the simple stage, singing for all of Hawkins to hear.  Since then, the long ago days of the early evening, so much had happened. Eddie had held her hand as he walked her to his van, holding open the door and ensuring that Amanda was tucked safely inside.  Boys didn’t do that- not for Amanda Patterson.  Not for the chubby girl who still had her baby weight to lose. When he caught her nibbling worriedly at her bottom lip, Eddie asked pointedly, “Everything alright?” “Uh, yea, I just-” “Afraid I’m trying to kidnap you, huh?  I get it.  Vans do have a-” he waggled his eyebrows suggestively while pressing the tip of his tongue to the center of his top lip, “-certain reputation.  But I promise you, Amanda.  No funny business.”  With one hand over his heart, Eddie extended the other, holding his pinky finger out. She recognized the gesture.  Every school aged kid would.  “Is that- are you making a pinky promise?”

His cheeks split into a solar powered smile as he nodded, “Oh, yes.  Absolutely.  And it’s ironclad, since, ya know, we link our little fingers.” Chuckling with her whole body, her shoulders lifted as Amanda agreed by reaching out her own pinky, “Ok, ok.  No funny business.”

They wrapped their littlest fingers around the other, huffing out laughs like naughty children.  And it did comfort any nagging fears that might have flooded Amanda’s mind because it was so silly.  So unexpected.  It was also entirely sincere. Roaring to life like a beast roused from slumber, the van started and Eddie shifted into gear, “Are you, by any chance, hungry?”

He was hoping against hope that she was because Eddie wasn’t ready to say goodnight.  Not now when he finally had this beautiful songbird buckled into the passenger’s seat, looking at him with those electric eyes.  Eyes that kept pulling him in anytime he dared glance Amanda’s way, now fully focused on him and beaming. Normally a question like that would be fully loaded for a young woman very aware of her size and stature, but for the first time and without any hesitation, Amanda answered without reservation, “Starved.”

Exhaling through a grin, Eddie shook his hair off his shoulders, “Then let’s go!” The drive to the diner was filled with chatter.  He offered kind words about the band, the concert and her vocals.  “You, you’re just incredible.  Never heard someone sing like that before.” “Thanks, but truthfully, Carly and Mark and Jim, they make me sound better.”  Amanda did that thing where she deflected the words, the attention, to anyone else in order to minimize herself.  What she didn’t count on?  Eddie’s ability to see right through her. Blowing his bangs off his face, Eddie swiveled to face Amanda, his tone finally serious, “Uh uh.  Nope.  No way.  You’re gonna have to accept that you’re the star of the show, sweetheart.”  Then, he leaned over the center console, right into Amanda’s personal space to bump her shoulder with his own, “Please, take the compliment.” Her jaw snapped shut, hands in her lap where Amanda fooled around her with fingernails, fidgeting.  She swallowed thickly and bobbed her head, her voice gaining strength.  “You’re right.  I, uh, I appreciate you saying that.” “No problem at all, hun.  I’m only telling the truth.”  That’s when she noticed his little finger wiggling her way, “Pinky promise.” — Normally Amanda would frown at the idea of a booth.  They tended to be a tight squeeze, embarrassingly so when she’d have to slide across the bench, her supple thighs sticking to the tacky pleather. She desperately did not want to be embarrassed in front of the forthright dude in front of her. But Amanda didn’t need to worry.  Eddie, lacing her hand in his, tugged her to the back table, “My usual spot- out of the way and the most comfortable one in the place.” Deep and roomy, the color of jellied cranberry sauce from a can, the cushion was accommodating because of its indeterminate age.  She plopped onto the seat with room to spare, more than a little relieved, “Oh yea?” “Yea.  I’ve been breaking it in for years.” Cocking her head in a way that made Eddie’s breath hitch, a clever half teasing smile curling one corner of her mouth higher than the other, Amanda joked, “So you bring all your women here, then?” The deep barking laugh that came straight from Eddie’s chest made an elderly gentleman sitting at the countertop turn around with a scowl.  “All my women?  You make me sound like a lothario.” “Mr. Goodbar?  Is that you?”  She squinted her eyes, leaning into the bit. “Oh, Mandy, honey.  I am nowhere near that good with the ladies.” “I don’t know.  You’re doing pretty good with me, so far.”  And it was out of her mouth like a runaway rocket.  There was no way to pull it back, no way to reign it in.  It was there- out in the ether, like a comet bound to crash through the atmosphere. Amanda froze because now she’d done it.  She had pointed out her interest, revealed herself as wanting, knowing that any other time she had dared to give voice to her attraction it had always been met with let down and heart ache.  The embarrassment boiled through her. God, she had wanted so badly to play it cool.  To ensure that Eddie was really into her before making any kind of declaration that couldn’t be passed off as a joke.  Stewing, Amanda waited for the inevitable rejection from the man far prettier and sexier than she should ever hope to have for her own. But instead of a dismissive shrug or, worse, a comment about liking her as a ‘just friend’, Amanda got to watch as Eddie’s eyes lit up joyfully.  He couldn’t hide it either, apparently, since his smile widened enough to show off a pair of precious dimples, “Yea?  Ya think so?  That’s- uh, that’s good to hear.” Something about his own reckless enthusiasm caused the flood of worry to ebb away, leaving Amanda filled with a warm, gooey sensation that was not as familiar.  Could it be?  Was this what mutual attraction felt like?  Was this what love songs had been selling for generations and greeting card companies were always trying to find new ways to describe?  Was this… love? “Hey lovebirds, what can I get ya?”  It is a universal law that wait staff appear at the table when it is least convenient and this interruption by Cheryl ensured that all was right with the cosmos, her tiny pencil poised and ready to write. They had spent no time reading the menu, but Eddie had it memorized cover to cover.  Looking at Amanda, he nodded, “So, uh, do you trust me?” Again, her head tilted, appraising this nearly perfect stranger with the gorgeous grin and shaggy hair.  “Uh huh, yea.  I trust you.  Why do you ask?” Licking over his lips, he turned all of his unfiltered attention to their waitress, dialing the charm up to eleven, “Hiya Cheryl!” “Hi yourself, Eddie.  What’s it gonna be?”  There was a familiarity there that spoke of too many late night coffee cups and slices of pie.  It wasn’t friendly, really, but it was warm enough and Eddie’s puppy dog eyes moved the conversation into safer waters. “Hmm… patty melts.  Two please, with the curly fries, ok?” A curt nod answered his request, “Yea, and to drink?” He looked at Amanda, that impish twinkle shining bright in his cinnamon dark eyes, “Milkshakes?” “Oh!  Yes!  Vanilla for me, please.”  She beamed at Eddie, excitement at the consideration evident in Amanda’s face. “And I suppose you want chocolate, right Eddie?” Cheryl lifted her gaze from the scribble filled notepad to stare down at Amanda’s dinner companion. Placing his ring covered hand over his chest, Eddie batted his eyes, “You know the way to my heart, Cheryl.” Snorting approvingly at his antics, she jotted down Eddie’s preferred flavor, “All right kids, be right up.” And she wasn’t kidding because before either of them could let the silence grow, two tall and frosty milkshake glasses were being slid across the glittering formica, each topped with a mound of whipped cream and a luscious, over sweet cherry as a crown.  A pair of straws were tossed down without much thought and Amanda greedily grabbed one, eager to taste the delectable treat in front of her. “So, tell me about you.  What do you- like, what do you do for fun?”  Eddie was toying with his straw’s paper wrapper, making small talk and working hard at looking effortless.  He hadn’t been out like this, with a girl he was so into, in ages.  Maybe ever, really, and he was rusty, more than a little out of practice. Amanda swirled her own straw through the thick vanilla shake in front of her, biting into her bottom lip before replying, “Well, I work.  A lot.”  “At the Music Shop?” She shrugged, “Yup.  But it’s not all restocking sheet music and replacing guitar strings.  I teach-” “Like guitar?”  Something about the prospect was so exciting.  A fellow musician to noodle around with and she just happened to have the voice of an angel?  Was this paradise found, or what? Amanda nodded at his eager response, “Yea.  Also some keyboard, like, really beginner piano, ya know?” Eddie slurped at his chocolate shake, brain going a mile a minute.  Shaking his long hair off his shoulders, nearly gawking, he clicked his tongue before sighing deeply, “It’s not really fair.” Worry filled Amanda’s features.  Had she done something wrong?  It had all been going so well, maybe too well?  “What’s not fair?” Rapping his ringed knuckles against the tabletop before pointing her way, “You.  You’re like, too good to be true.” Shy now, Amanda turned away from his kindness, his honeyed praises, and fiddled nervously with the pendant of her necklace.  It wasn’t something she had a ton of experience with; flirting and compliments and genuine appreciation.  If she was on a stage, under a white hot spotlight, Amanda would know exactly what to say, what to do, but here on the worn out bench seat of a small town diner, Amanda found herself unmoored by all the attention Eddie was sending her way. “Oh, that’s like- I mean, I’m not-” she let her voice trail off, suddenly transfixed by something outside of the plate window. “Hey-” Eddie laid his hand, palm up, on the worn down table, his voice dropping to a whisper.  He’d said something to upset Amanda because she had taken those brilliant peepers away and that felt wrong on a primal level. “-Amanda?  Did I- uh, shit.  Did I do something, ya know, wrong?  Shit.” There was something in the defeated sound of Eddie’s expletive that brought her around.  She saw his open hand, still laying on the table and cautiously linked her fingers with his.  But she still could not meet his questioning look.  Twirling one of those big, heavy rings around his large and frankly, distracting fingers, Amanda finally huffed out a lungful of air. “I guess I should like, be honest here and tell you that I’ve never really done this.”  She motioned between the pair of them with her unoccupied hand as if that alone would explain her behavior. Eddie squeezed her fingers for a second, a trace of teasing in his tone when he asked, “Had dinner in a shitty diner?” Rolling her eyes skyward, she snorted out a small laugh, “No.  Well, kinda?  I mean, I haven’t really had a-” she let her eyes lock onto Eddie’s maple brown ones, holding him still, “-a date.  I, uh, never really had anyone, ya know, wanna take me out.  So, this is new.  For me, anyway.” Eddie could see what the admission cost her.  The once pleased smile now turned just a little pouty as her bottom lip puckered from the effort of opening herself up.  Her chest rose and fell rapidly as if she couldn’t keep the air inside her for too long, but perhaps the most telling was the way that Amanda’s hand clung tightly to Eddie’s. For a long second neither one of them said anything.  The kitchen crew could be heard, banging around pots and plates.  Another couple in a nearby booth was laughing loudly.  The radio was tuned to the oldies station so everyone could listen to Sam Cooke singing about Cupid. And when Amanda realized that Eddie wasn’t going to respond, she sat up, stiffer than before, readying to take her hand with her.  But Eddie closed his fist around her fingers, keeping his hold on her and tugging her gently forward, a pained pinch obvious in his voice, “Me either.” “What?” He closed his eyes and swallowed thickly, “I don’t date.  Uh, that often.”  Popping one eye open, just to see if Amanda was still with him, Eddie continued, “Um, I’ve got a bit of a, well, a reputation.  And for some reason, the ladies around here aren’t into that.” Shooting for levity, Eddie hoped to lighten the mood.  Moments like this, where he was on display emotionally, where he was open and vulnerable, made him nervous.  Anxious.  Twitchy.  It was fucking scary to be sitting here with this pretty bird and tell her how much of a disaster he really was with no bravado to use as armor.  And if Amanda wasn’t already heading for the hills, there was no way he would be able to stop her now. “It’s the van, isn’t it?  All the people you’ve attempted to kidnap, right?”  At her gentle jest, both of Eddie’s eyes popped open.  She was still there, sitting sweetly behind her melting shake, a tentative twist of her lips making it impossible for Eddie to stop imagining what kissing her would be like and he felt himself nodding with a hoarse giggle, relieved, “Yea.  That’s, uh, that’s it.  I’m just a creepy metal head with a super creepy van.” “You probably have candy too and uh, puppies?  For the luring of innocents?” “Of course.  What’s a kidnapper without his bait?”  “A weird guy with an empty van?”  And that absolutely shitty punchline was enough to send them both into a giggle fit, shattering any lingering tension created by being a touch too honest in the moment.  There would be a better time to talk about deep dark secrets and the reasons why two lonely people could find comfort in each other, but this wasn’t it. When Amanda pulled her hand back this time, Eddie let it go.  She used her napkin to dab under her eyes, clearing away the tears that laughing together had created.  Then she was dipping down to slurp at her creamy concoction, grinning, “This is so good!” “Right?  But, I gotta say, vanilla is-” “What?  What’s wrong with vanilla?”  Shaking his head with a laugh, Eddie raised his eyebrows, “Vanilla is kinda boring.” “It is not!”  Scalded by his choice of words, Amanda leaned over their shared table at the diner, motioning him closer.  When she was near enough for her now vanilla scented breath to skate across Eddie’s mouth, Amanda husked, “Vanilla is smoky.  Sweet.  It’s hard to grow, super hard to harvest and while there are many imitators out there.  Real vanilla.  The good stuff?  Well, that shit would rock your world.” Amanda, feeling bolder, pushed in tighter despite the formica between them, continuing in a hushed tone.  “And Eddie-” her voice dropped even lower, forcing him to concentrate on every word leaving her tenderly parted lips, lips that smelled like bourbon and sugar and cream.  Lips that Eddie wanted to taste so badly that he was sure he was going to go mad, right here in the goddamned diner, before their burgers ever made it to the table.  Lips that begged to be kissed stupid, carried on, unaware of his rising desire, “-never forget this: chocolate needs vanilla to taste so damn good!”  Sitting back, pleased as punch now that her point was made, Amanda slurped down another sip of her vanilla shake.  Eddie needed a minute.  Or seven.  He was still almost lying chest down on the booth’s table, having to cock his head up to look at the vanilla loving vixen gloating over him.  Spreading his broad hands over the tabletop, Eddie dramatically pushed himself back into his seat, eyeing Amanda warily, acting contrary for the fun of it.  “It’s a good story, kid.  But I’m still not convinced about vanilla’s superiority.  Maybe-”  He was pushing his luck, he knew it.  God, but he knew it only too well.  She’d admitted to being new to all this, inexperienced, but still, fortune favors the bold, isn’t that what some famous person had said once?  Amanda, unknowingly, waited for his follow-up, her mouth wrapped around the striped straw, her cheeks round and smiling, “Maybe?” Leaning onto one leather wrapped elbow, Eddie reclaimed the space at the center of their table, “Maybe I need to taste it again?” She’s confused.  Yea, definitely, confused.  So Amanda moved, ready to slide her icy half filled glass his way.  But Eddie shook his head slowly and waved her forward until their foreheads were almost pressed together.  That’s when he cupped her cheek, gently, softly and Amanda, powerless to stop her body, nuzzled into the warmth there. It felt natural.  Right.  Easy.  And there was no way that Amanda was going to deny herself this little bit of pleasure being offered so openly. If what Eddie had admitted was true, and the way his eyes had scrunched gave her a pretty good idea that it was, then he was in uncharted waters himself.  Something about that idea, that they were both in this raging waterfall of connection together made it safer somehow.  It made it easier to shut her own eyes and enjoy the calloused caresses of Eddie. Eddie slid his thumb over her plush bottom lip which parted without question, “Wanna taste you.  That alright, Mandy?” God, did she like being called Mandy.  She bobbed her head ‘yes’, her eyes shut from the want, already anticipating Eddie’s movements.  But he surprised her again, asking- no, telling, “Open your eyes, baby.  Please?” And only when Eddie could spy the blown open pupils of his dinner companion did he allow his mouth to surge forward.  His slightly chapped lips separated enough for his tongue to sweep across Amanda’s own and he was rewarded with a sultry sigh.  It made Eddie braver.  Bolder.  

Now he was intrepid in his search for the flavor of vanilla, teasing and taking a taste of every muggy corner of her mouth.  His tongue brushed against her own, the fresh flavor of vanilla sweetness everywhere.  Heady and exotic and exciting.  Amanda tipped her chin downward, ready to deepen this first kiss that arched over forgotten milkshakes and the paper napkins wrapping up their silverware, tentatively running the tip of her tongue over Eddie’s teeth.  Traces of chocolate and the syrupy sweet cherry from the top of his treat lingered on Eddie’s lips making Amanda hum harmonically.  Her fingers fisted into the collar of his flannel shirt, ensuring that Eddie couldn’t escape, at least, not without effort. But she wasn’t worried.  When his second hand molded to the curve of her other cheek, Amanda couldn’t avoid smiling, knowing that Eddie was as into this as she was.  As far as first kisses went, this one was ranking pretty high on the list of all time greats and both were reluctant to pull away first. “Ahem!  AHEM!  I have your order.” Two heads turned toward the intruding voice of the bored and bordering on disgusted server Doris but Eddie and Amanda didn’t jump apart like a couple of randy teens might have.  Oh no, Amanda leaned further into the cup of Eddie’s palm, offering their put upon server a small smile, dazed and almost drunkenly, “Hmm, thank you so much.” Eddie would have rather died than forfeit the pleasure of her trusting touch.  With his free left hand he reached for one of the two plates, “Here, lemme have that.” “Whatever.”  Without any further ceremony, Doris, because that’s what her name tag read, plopped both heavy ceramic dishes to the table, “Need anything else lovebirds?” Amanda lifted her head slowly, licking over her bee stung lips and nodded towards the pink cheeked shaggy headed boy still draped across their booth, “Uh, yea.  Could we have another vanilla shake, please?  It’s his favorite flavor.” Chuckling, Eddie let his broad thumb with the bitten down nail graze over the apple of her cheek, speaking to Doris but only looking at Amanda, “Two cherries, huh, Doris?” Rolling her elderly eyes, the waitress shook her head, “Right away.” Steam rolled off the two cheeseburger melts and stacks of seasoned french fries but they remained huddled as close at the table between them would allow.  Cocking his eyebrow, Eddie couldn’t help the teasing, “My favorite, huh?” “Oh yea.  You’re a convert now.” Settling back reluctantly, Eddie smirked your way, “Ever think that you’re my favorite flavor?” He was rewarded with a small kiss pressed to the inside of his wrist and what he realized was a trademark tilt of her head, “I told you that everything tastes better with vanilla, Eddie.” “Yea, you sure did.”  Biting into his burger, Eddie grinned through the grease on his face, sure he had never been happier in his short life.  And if the triumphant smirk Amanda flashed his way proved anything, she felt the exact same way.

— The second their empty plates had been cleared away, Eddie’s hand naturally kind of reached for Amanda’s, needy and greedy for the reassurance of touch.  Just as natural, Amanda slotted her fingers between his, “I gotta say, Eddie, that was a pretty amazing burger.” Pleased at the recognition, Eddie squeezed her digits for a second, “Thanks for trusting me.”  And then he seemed to realize the full implication of his statement.  Thanks for trusting him on the drive over.  Thanks for trusting his judgment about the restaurant and not just his menu choices.  Thanks for trusting his intentions. Her eyes rounded at the sentiment, giving Eddie a flash of sympathy before leaning into a flirty smile, “I had to.  You did pinky promise me that there would be no funny business and that’s ironclad.  At least, that’s what I’ve been led to believe.” “God, you remember everything, huh?”  But he sounded impressed.  Happy that she hadn’t lingered on his more revealing comment. Nodding, Amanda agreed, “Yea, I mean, I kinda have an ear and it’s always been easy for me to memorize stuff.  Lyrics, melodies, lines from movies-” Leaning forward again, engaged and interested, Eddie licked over his bottom lip, “No shit?” “No shit!” Eddie couldn’t help it.  He let his eyes roam over the pretty face in front of him, etching all of the details into his own memory, vowing never to forget the greasy sweet shine of her lips around the red striped straw or how she folded her disposable napkin up primly before laying it across her dinner plate.  The way Amanda’s hand felt so right in his and how her mouth tasted like vanilla ice cream with a trace amount of menthol throat drop lingering along her teeth. Eddie needed to remember it all for later.  For tonight when he went back to his trailer, like a gentleman.  For tomorrow or the day after or the day after that.  For all the days that would spread between this time together and the next time Eddie would be able to see her.  He was going to live off the sound of Amanda’s begrudging laugh when he made a joke that was funnier than it had any real right to be.  He planned to survive on the nourishment of her sugared sighs when those perfect, plump and pouty lips had welcomed Eddie’s own.  It was food for his soul.  Essential for life like oxygen or water. “Uh, Eddie?”  Amanda’s quiet question yanked him out of his own head and back into the present moment. He tugged the forward chunk of his hair between his long fingers, embarrassed at being caught, “Hmm?”  “You’re, uh, staring.” “Yea.  Sorry about that.  It’s just-” “Do I have something on my face?”  Panicked, Amanda patted at her cheeks to find the non-existent stain. And how could he help himself?  “Oh, yup.  A little higher.  No, lower- uh, nope, other side.  It’s right there-” he directed her wildly, pointing at the corner of his mouth to watch Amanda lick the same spot of her own, “-almost.  How do you keep missing it?” “You little shit!”  It was suddenly crystal clear that Eddie was full on fucking with her.  There never had been anything on her face. “What?  You got it.  Just now.”  Eddie’s impish grin made it impossible for Amanda to be truly mad so she settled for shooting him a playfully spiteful glare, “Uh huh.  Yea, sure.” His thumb rubbed along the side of her pointer finger, the gentle drag a grounding reminder of Eddie’s unwavering presence.  Amanda rested her chin against the flat of her right palm before sighing deeply, “What am I gonna do with you, Eddie?” Reflexively, re-actively, he answered, “Whatever you want, baby.” It was Amanda’s turn to stare.  There was an open honesty in the hot coffee color of Eddie’s eyes that hooked her right through the heart and tugged like a caught fish on a rusty lure.  He was being serious, there was no denying it. Around them the air shifted.  It was no longer funny.  It was no longer polite. The world narrowed once more, big enough for only the two of them and the dingy diner booth where they sat as everything else fell away. Her throat tightened and a lick of heated flame unfurled through her belly.  Words flooded her thoughts but Amanda couldn’t seem to settle on the ones that would say what she wanted desperately to express.  Eddie’s seemingly simple declaration had untethered her. Because it was too soon to speak with such clarity of purpose.  Too early for the implication of more to be made.  And yet, for the first time, Amanda saw the ghostly shape of possibility in the earnest expression Eddie wore. There was a promise there, stronger than one created when two little fingers linked, and something about that was spooky.  Scary.  Only, Amanda didn’t feel frightened like she thought she should, shrugging smoothly, “I- I wanna stay with you.” That was her truth, in the singular sparkling now.  Leaving Eddie, even for the comfort of home, was a thought so daunting, so disruptive, that she was actively moving against it.  Everything in Amanda Patterson said ‘stay’.  Eddie’s head bobbed in understanding.  He had no intention of letting the night end so early and without any plan in place for a follow-up rendezvous.  At Amanda’s declaration, he’d changed the grip of her hand, turning it so that their palms touched, textured heat melding together.  

He’d be lying if he denied the libidinous way his blood shot south at the whispered want in Amanda’s voice.  He was a young and virile guy, after all.  But Eddie wasn’t thinking with his dick when he said, “I don’t wanna let you go, Mandy.”

“Am I-” pausing to catch her breath, Amanda started again, “-are we crazy?” “I uh, I don’t think so.”  Conspiratorially, Amanda huffed, “Then what do we do now, Eddie?” His free hand brushed through his curls roughly before landing on the back of his neck, “Let me take you home?” It was a question born of chivalry and Amanda agreed with a thin, “Yes, please.” Eddie stood up first, somehow managing to keep her hand in his as he slipped out of the booth smoothly.  Once he was on his feet, he tugged lightly, bringing Amanda to the edge of the bench before offering his arm.  She watched as Eddie threw some loose bills on the table and then he was leading her outside of the bacon scented diner and onto the sidewalk. She floated at his side, the swaying of her skirt brushing against the stiff denim of Eddie’s jeans.  What had been an appropriate outfit for the early evening was now a bit too thin and he saw her shiver under the bright and clear Indiana sky.  Popping open the van’s door, he saw her settled inside and as she buckled her seatbelt, Eddie shrugged off his leather jacket, “Here.  Snuggle up under this, yea?” Gripping the body warm coat with greedy fingers, Amanda clutched it to her chest, humming her thanks.  He watched as she spread it over herself, nudging the collar with her nose, “Oh man, it smells like you!” “Cigarettes and bad decisions?” “Nope.”  Inhaling deeply, she thought for a minute, “Cologne?  Aqua Velva, like my granddad wears and uh, Green Apple shampoo?”  She couldn’t hide the surprised way her eyes widened or the knowing little smirk her mouth made at this discovery. “What?  I think it smells good.”  Lingering in the space between inside the van with Amanda and outside on the sidewalk, Eddie’s arms leaned into the rusted metal frame, effectively caging her in the seat. Not that she minded when every time he stretched his flannel shirt rode up just enough for an alabaster white slice of belly to peek over the waistband of his jeans.  She had already noticed splashes of black ink over each hip but couldn’t be sure of its shape.  His forearms were on display, the strong veins of his wrists visible under the artfully stained skin, and Amanda let her mind wander at the idea of what Eddie looked like under all that cotton and cloth. Amanda swallowed thickly.  She was very aware of the protective bubble Eddie had built around her, here in the cab of his vehicle.  The scent of him.  The sight.  It was a feast for the senses. And now all she wanted was to taste the plush and pillowy softness of his lips.  Lips that were moving, saying something but her mind had gone over into staticy silver.  She couldn’t help it.  Not when he was standing with his trim waist nearly at eye level, the belt of his jeans drawing them low on his hips.  “Huh?” That grin.  Broad and toothy, spread smugly over his face, “Uh, did I lose you for a second?” “Hmm, yea.  Kinda.  Sorry, what were you saying?” “I was saying, I don’t want to say goodnight, at least-” he raised a hand to her cheek, brushing the calloused pad of his thumb across her smooth skin, “-not so soon.” Having already melted into his touch, hoarse and throaty, she agreed, “Yea, no, me either.” “Yea?  So, if you’re up for a little adventure, I may have an idea.” Amanda lifted an eyebrow, questioning the boy before her with a sarcastic thread to her words,  “An adventure?” “Don’t worry, babe.  I'll make sure to get you there and back again.”  His pinkie finger was wiggling, just waiting for Amanda to link them together in a silent show of trust. —

Thanks for reading!  Part 2 is coming soon!

Want to read more?  Check out my Masterlist here!

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[your-villainous-neighbour]

What'd Ayushmann do? Just curious since you used to love him

omg where to begin anon

I have immense personal beef with him alongside the actual fucked up things he's done, but perhaps that's for another day.

For now, let's talk about dream girl 2 which BLATANTLY boasts the ever-problematic man-in-a-dress trope-

I mean, sure, one can argue that's the whole point of the movie, but one look at the trailer will tell you it's so horribly and insensitively written this time around.

Dream girl 1 was about loneliness- specifically, male loneliness, and how all anyone ever wants is to be heard. And about how people would probably understand you if they're just given a chance. And contains the lines "nobody in this world is right. Some are just less wrong than others."

Dream girl 2 is quite literally about a man who dresses up as a woman to prostitute himself for money. No joke.

Oh, and it gets worse. None of the men actually know he's a guy. So it's pushing the message that he's "tricking them." It's not even subtext like that's literally the entire premise. A man dresses up as a woman to trick innocent men. For money.

It's transphobic, it's severely misogynistic, and it's somehow also fetishistic in the worst way possible. I mean the entire promo was based on sexual marketing. I hope it was all for nothing and the movie fucking bombs.

Also, Ayushmann Khurrana, who is literally geriatric at almost 40, romances a 24 year old Ananya Pandey.

And, yes, this is typical for Bollywood. But for a chucklefuck who once prided himself on being "offbeat" and "brave" and "non-mainstream" and "feminist" this is a very chucklefuck thing to do.

Keep in mind that all of this comes after Chandigarh Kare Aashiqui (which does have its flaws, but the heart and intent was definitely there), a movie that celebrated trans women and literally was created to beat the stereotypes surrounding them. For which he pretended to be a trans ally for a whole YEAR AND A HALF as part of promotions.

So the sudden switch up with dg2 is... Appalling. To say the least.

Apart from this, he also used to post regularly about social/civic issues and problems in our country, which he entirely stopped doing once his movies bombed. And, yes, nobody should be expected to do that. But keep in mind, once again, this man's entire career was built off marginalised communities. Especially the queer community. Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan caused like a 40% jump in his ig followers. I would know, because I was there.

Which led him to receive more roles in this little niche he loved so much.

The man was cocky enough to think a couple movies would change the world, let the arrogance get to his thick fucking skull, and decided tackling controversial topics won't come at a cost. (Well, newsflash, asshole! Oppression doesn't exist because marginalised people aren't trying hard enough to get their words out. It exists because it fucking exists. No amount of your mug on the big screen would have ever changed that).

He essentially went into this niche with all the wrong intentions. Not to speak up FOR queer people, women, scheduled castes, etc, but with the arrogance that he'll actually change the mind of the masses. God complex, more or less. Or saviour complex. Or both.

A few years ago, he'd made it clear that he's an actor, not an activist.

Mf forgot that himself somewhere along the way.

So, what did he do when his offbeat movies started failing back to back?

Packed up and turned his back on the very people he hollered about and celebrated himself for representing.

Went right into the cushy arms of mainstream, problematic, cringe, crass, insensitive side of Bollywood. For money.

Fucking hypocrite.

Hope all that cowardice was worth the bag.

[musingvoices]

@musingvoices

Multimuse indie RP blog featuring the ladies of Red vs Blue, Xena: Warrior Princess, Star Trek, Leverage and more!

Multimuse, multiship

Mun is 21+

AU/OC/Crossover friendly

- Agent Connecticut from "Red vs Blue" - Annie Cresta from "The Hunger Games" - Gabrielle from "Xena, Warrior Princess" - Kara Danvers from "Supergirl" - Lily Luna Potter from "Harry Potter" - Lissa Dragomir from "The Vampire Academy" - Marley Rose from "Glee" - Meredith Sulez from "The Vampire Diaries Books" - Nyota Uhura from "Star Trek AOS" - Parker from "Leverage" - Phillipa Russell from "Charmed" - Renesmee Cullen from "Twilight" - Tilda from "The Hobbit" - Wanderer from "The Host"

[hangovercurse]

Our Song

At the last show of his tour, Kells invites you on stage for a duet, but it turns into a bit more than that.

Request: “Can you do one where the reader and Colson both are music artist. I know you're doing this with "The Thing We Can't Tell Pete about. But with this one they have been dating for a while and while they are in the middle of the song Colson decides to announce they're dating and gives her a kiss in front of the crowd, and the reader is just in shock. However it ends it up to you. Love ya!!!!!!!!”

Colson Baker x Reader

Warnings: implied smut/ mentions of sex, cursing

A/N: So, I used my own lyrics in here because why not (sue me I guess)

Word Count: 2326

The last two months had been absolute hell on Earth. Yes, you loved your job. Recording your third studio album was exciting but being busy all the time was exhausting. On top of that, your boyfriend being off on tour meant you hadn’t seen him in person in two months, which was driving you even more insane.

It also meant you hadn’t had sex in almost two months.

You’d called each other every night, even if you were both drunk off your asses or faded beyond belief. It had become your routine; get home from the studio, grab something to eat, then hop into the bath and facetime your blond boyfriend.

Tonight, was no exception, but the energy on the call was different. Colson was coming home tomorrow. Granted, he would be going straight to the venue for his concert, but he’d be here.

“You’re still coming tomorrow, right princess?” He asked, a joint hanging from his lips.

You smiled, nodding, “I haven’t seen you in two months. If I’m not there, you should assume I’m dead.”

He chuckled, “good.” He hesitated before continuing, “I was thinking you could perform with me. We haven’t performed White Sea in like a year.”

You bit your lip at the thought of performing with him again. He was right, after you’d finished live performance promo for the song, neither of you had performed it together. “Yeah, I’m down.”

The song was the first one you’d written together; it was actually the whole reason you’d met. “You don’t think people will get suspicious though? I mean, people are already catching on. I feel like performing it out of the blue would add fire to the flames.”

He thought about it, the wheels turning in his head. “I think it’ll be fine. Besides, it’s not exactly a secret.”

You nodded, “I know, we’ve just never really talked about telling people.” The last two words came out softer than you had intended.

Colson and you had been together for a year and still hadn’t officially told anyone outside of your closest circles. You liked the privacy, and getting the media involved always caused problems. So, you kept it to yourself. People saw you out together, but nothing had been confirmed.

Colson left the conversation there, not having a good answer. You had both agreed a long time ago that if people figured it out or someone slipped up and told you would be okay with it, and you would. You just didn’t think it was a big deal if people knew or not.

He started talking about his day on tour, the crowd he’d played to tonight. You told him about the song you were working on. Eventually he got called away by the boys.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, babe.” He smiled at you through your phone.

You smiled, “You better. I-“ You almost slipped up. Almost said those three words so casually. But you’d caught yourself. “I can’t wait.” You covered.

He gave you a small wave before your screen went back, the sound of the line disconnecting ringing through your bathroom. You put your phone on the floor next to the tub, leaning your head back and sighing.

You don’t know why it worried you so much. You knew you loved him, and you were pretty sure he loved you too. There was just something about saying out loud that scared the hell out of you.

 The next day was amazing. As soon as he texted you that he’d gotten to the venue, you were rushing to meet him there. When you stepped into the green room where he was, he ran up to you and grabbed you by your waist. Your arms went around his neck, legs around his as he lifted you up, burying his face into your shoulder.

“I missed you so much.” He mumbled into your skin. Your hands tangled themselves in his hair, holding him closely.

“I missed you too.” You whispered. He lifted his head up and pressed a deep kiss to your lips as your feet came down to touch the floor again. His lips were so familiar, it felt like the world had shifted back into place when you felt them on yours.

He pulled away, forehead and nose still pressed against yours. Your hands travelled from his neck to his shoulders, rubbing the fabric of his t-shirt. “I didn’t think I was gonna survive another night without you.” You said with a slight giggle, making him laugh.

“Well now you don’t have to worry about that.” He said, pressing a peck to your lips.

Before you could pull him back to your lips, your moment was interrupted. “We get it, you guys are cute. Whatever. Can we get hugs from our favorite girl?” Irv joked, pulling your attention to the group of guys near the couches in the room.

One of the things you loved most about being with Colson was how accepting his friends were of you. Slim and you had bonded over your love of music production and mixing, Baze had taught you some more complicated bass riffs, and Rook was your designated adventure buddy (after Colson, of course). You felt lucky that your boyfriend’s family had taken you in as one of their own.

You ran over to them, giving each of the guys a hug. When you hugged Ashleigh, she whispered in your ear, “don’t ever leave me alone with these lunatics again.” You both giggled at that, leaving the boys confused.

After messing around backstage for a while and catching up with your friends (mostly from the comfort of Colson’s lap), it was time for the guys to perform. You set up your spot side-stage with Ash, Irv, and Andre, excited to see the set.

Before he went on, Colson came over to you and pulled you in for a very giddy kiss. Pre-show Colson was your favorite Colson, except for maybe post-show Colson, only because he was so excitable. Every time you sat show side, he demanded you give him a good luck kiss. No matter who was watching.

Watching him was magical, in fact watching all the boys was magical. The way their passion showed through the music and the performance was something that not many other artists could perfect. You felt like you’d never match their level of performing.

When Colson brought out his acoustic guitar and two bar stools, you were a bit taken aback. Normally his shows were so high energy that he never wanted to sit down, even during the slower songs. It wasn’t really his style.

“I wanted to bring out a very special guest today to help slow this down a bit.” He said to the crowd as they screamed. “I haven’t performed this song in a very long time, but I figured today would be the perfect time to do it.”

He looked over at you, a smile on his face. It finally registered in his mind that he was talking about your song. Luckily, you’d had ears put in at the beginning of the show, so that wasn’t an issue. One of the venue’s techs handed you a microphone and signaled you to go on stage.

Once you came in view of the audience they erupted into another round of cheers, making you smile. Colson met you halfway and pulled you in for a sweaty hug. He led you over to the chairs, letting you sit down while he adjusted his mic stand. “For those of you who don’t know, not that there should be anyone who doesn’t know who this is, but just in case, this is Y/S/N. We wrote this song a little over a year ago today.”

You smiled as he started to strum the familiar intro, the lights dimming just a little bit.

Drownin’ in empty space.

You started singing.

Don’t even know my name

Feels like you’re miles away

Close my eyes, see your face

It’s okay

Rook brought the drum beat in as Colson smiled at you, his verse starting

Yeah

I was drownin’ in this darkness

Feeling like I was so heartless

All these drugs makin things harder

They tried to turn me to a martyr

You loved watching him party on stage, but you loved watching this side of him, too. Completely stripped down and raw. Hearing him rap the words you wrote together made your heart flutter, even if you’d written them so long ago.

I can’t handle shit I’m just a man

I tried to tell ‘em, they don’t understand

Riptide’s pulling me away from land

I couldn’t stand till you reached out your hand

And now I can.

The rest of the music came in, the sounds mixing as you began the chorus.

Drownin’ in empty space

Don’t even my name

Feels like you’re miles away

Close my eyes, see your face

The key raised.

Out on the open sea

Feel your eyes watching me

Wanted to fall asleep

Now I believe.

The music kept playing, but Colson’s rap didn’t enter like it was supposed to. Instead, he just looked at you, a fond smile on his face. You tilted your head, questioning him, but he just placed his guitar on the ground and kept looking at you.

“I just want to let everyone here know, that today is my one-year anniversary with this amazing woman right here.” He said into the mic, causing the audience to burst into screams. Your jaw dropped, eyes widening.

He caught your expression and laughed but kept going. “It wasn’t a secret that we’ve been together, but we’ve been quiet about it. But I mean, like, fuck that shit. When you’re in love you should tell everyone, right?”

You smiled at him, your heart picking up speed. “And Y/N I am so fucking in love with you.”

You looked down, trying to hide the heat on your cheeks and the idiotic grin you were sporting. You had never expected this from him. “Like, seriously, this past year has been the best year of my life. Even when we aren’t together you are the one thing that I look forward to the most, every day. You are one of the best things in my life, and I want everyone to know that.”

During his little monologue he had walked over to your chair and pulled you up into his arms. You nuzzled your face into his bare chest, making him laugh. He pulled the microphone away from you both so it wouldn’t pick up your conversation.

“Hey, look at me.” He said softly and you complied. “I love you.”

You had tears in your eyes as you studied his perfect features, “I love you, too.” You whispered. “I’ve wanted to tell you for a while I just…”

“I know, princess.” He smiled, leaning down and pressing your lips together in a sweet, passionate kiss. The audience erupted in applause, cheers, and awes. “Are you gonna say anything?” He asked once you’d pulled away, motioning to the audience with a smile on his face. You shook your head, burying it back in his chest and laughing. He spoke into the microphone, “she got all shy now.”

The crowd laughed with him, shouting supportive comments at you both. “But she said she loves me too so that’s all that matters.” He continued, earning even more cheers.

 After the show, Colson came backstage and immediately attached his lips to yours, hands holding you close. You pulled him into one of the unused dressing rooms, mouths never leaving each other. He hoisted you onto the counter, standing in between your legs, and leaned your back against the mirror.

Finally, he released your lips from his, making you whine. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about all this, but after last night I couldn’t keep it a secret anymore. And you just looked so pretty out there that I-“ You cut him off with a kiss, lips moving together slowly.

He chuckled as you pulled away. “Colson, I loved it. I was hella embarrassed because the first time you told me you loved me was in front of thousands of people, but I loved it. And I love you.”

He smiled, pressing a peck to your lips. “How much do you love me?” He asked, slyly.

You raised an eyebrow at him, knowing something was up. “Depends on your next statement.”

A laugh fell from his mouth as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a small rectangular box. “Because I really hope it’s a lot.”

“What are you doing?” You asked him, giggling.

He lifted the lid off of the box to reveal a key with your first initial painted on one side and a C on the other. “You don’t have to, but if you wanted to maybe think about moving in with me, now you have a key.” He smiled as you took the metal in your hands.

You looked up at him with wide eyes, lips open in shock. “So, you’re asking me to move in with you?” You confirmed.

“Only if you want to. But yes.”

You smiled, looking back down to the key and then up to his face before pressing a passionate kiss to his lips. Your arms went around his neck and his hands went to your waist. “Of course, I want to, dummy.” You giggled and reconnected your lips.

“We’re supposed to go out and celebrate the last night of tour tonight, you’re gonna come, right?” He asked and you rolled your eyes.

“You act like I don’t wanna be around you.” You pushed his chest playfully. “But we might be a couple minutes late.” You smirk.

Colson raised an eyebrow, “oh yeah? And why is that?”

Instead of responding you just giggled and pulled him back into a kiss.

[goldensstateofgrace]

First kiss.

based on this  // Requests // Masterlist 

warnings: none. 

word count: 1k+ 

Hope you enjoy!! Happy reading!! <3

-

-

Present Day

Laying in bed, you and Luke are cuddled close together. Your faces inches from one anothers, eyes flicking between each other’s. 

You couldn’t believe that you were with the man of your dreams. Sure, it took you a minute to come to your senses and actually go on a date with him but, look where that led you. 

You’re in bed with the love of your life, petunia, snoring from the end of the bed, and the life you only ever dreamed of having. 

“I love you, y/n,” Luke whispers, his hand coming up and cupping your jaw. His touch is so gentle and sweet, his thumb stroking the apple of your cheek as you gaze into each other’s eyes. 

“To infinity?,” you tease. When you guys first said ‘I love you’ to each other, you jokingly said ‘to infinity’ and from then on, that’s what the both of you always said after saying ‘I love you’. It was a cute little thing that was just between you and Luke, nobody else understanding it. 

“To infinity, baby,” capturing your lips in his, he grasps the back of your head as he deepens the kiss. The sparks and butterflies never fail to be there. It’s just like the feeling you had when he first kissed you. 

God, that feels like yesterday. 

Flashback

“Luke!” you choke out while you’re doubled over in hysterics. 

He’s singing at the top of his lungs, but not normally. He’s trying to sing like an opera singer. Your chest and mouth hurt with how much you’re laughing and smiling. 

“What,” he sings out, dragging out the “wha” in a deep but also high pitched voice. 

You finally catch your breath, “you gotta stop, I’m gonna have a heart attack from laughing too much,” you breathe out, your head falls on to the head rest of the seat you're in. 

What makes it worse it’s his band's song, “Permanent Vacation” is not supposed to be sung like an opera singer, Luke's attempt just cements that. 

“Hey, I'm doing fine

And I know I'm out of line

So let's sing this one more time

It goes

Destination, permanent vacation

Na-na, na-na-na-na” he starts again. 

Your laughter starts again, your hand falling over your mouth. You throw your head back, yor stomach hurting from all the laughter. 

“Lu- luke!” you laugh, by now he’s making hand gestures. His arm waving around as he draws out a long note. 

You and Luke have been on a total of almost 10 dates, this is your tenth date. You’ve been seeing each other for a while, almost  two months. You guys are taking it slow, slower than a turtle apparently. You haven’t kissed yet. 

It’s not like  you haven’t tried either, you either get interrupted by the boys or someone else. You also aren’t together 24/7, he’s been on a promo tour. So he’s super busy. 

All that said, you love him. 

You haven’t felt this happy in a long time. He treats you like you hung the moon and stars. He never yells, he’s always calm and ready to work things out. He’s amazing to say the least. 

Coming up on a stop light, his foot eases off the gas and onto the breaks, “I love you,” he blurts out, the car stopping at the stop light. 

You freeze, your mind trying to process his words. The words you didn’t think were allowed to be said this early in your relationship, for christ sakes, he hasn’t even asked you to be his girlfriend. 

His body is ridged, his shoulder tense as his hands turn white from gripping the steering wheel to hard. 

“Wha- what?” you ask carefully, voice soft and filled with shock. 

He stays quiet for a second, his grip loosening on the steering wheel. He turns in his seat, leaning over the middle console and cupping your face, “I love you,” then he captures your lips. 

Sparks run up your spine and the butterflies that never seem to calm, flutter in your tummy. You love him, you haven’t loved anyone this much ever. 

“To infinity?” you question, your tone light as you pull back from him, a smirk taking over your face. 

“To infinity, baby,” he mummers, his lips recapturing yours in a slow, sweet kiss. 

‘I love you, Luke,” you say, your hand cupping his on your face, “to infinity,” you giggle.

Present Day 

“Baby, do you remember when we said “I love you’ to each other?” you ask him, now resting with your head on his chest. 

“Yes of course i do,” he says, his hand rubbing up and down your back, “When I serenaded you with that horrible opera version of ‘permanent vacation’.” he laughs. 

“Yeah! You’re such a goof,” you laugh, thinking back when you couldn’t catch your breath you were laughing so hard. 

“Your goof,” he mumbles, “I only did that because I love the sound of your laugh, baby” he tells you.

You sit up, turning over and folding your arms over his chest, your chin rests on them, “really?” you ask him, a soft smile splayed across your face. Your eyes hold nothing but love for this man. 

“Yes, your laugh is so cute. The way you snort when you laugh is my favorite part,” he laughs. A look of horror crosses your face. 

“I don’t snort!” you slap his chest, only making him laugh harder. 

“You do, baby. But it’s cute,” he says, his hand moving hair out of your face and behind your ear. You look at him sheepishly, embarrassed. 

“You want some lunch, baby?” you ask him, you both have been in bed all day. Only getting up this morning to use the bathroom and brush your teeth. 

He nods, “Ok, i’ll go make some sandwiches,” you peck his lips, getting up and throwing on one of his shirts. 

Walking down stairs, you pull out the bread and meat, as well as mayo and mustard. Quickly, you make up the sandwiches, grabbing two bottles of water you head back upstairs. 

Opening the door to the room, “Ok, i made turk-” you halt, your gaze landing on him. 

His knee bent, and his hands holding a black velvet box. 

“Marry me?” 

------------

Luke’s pov 

She looks shocked. 

It’s not how i planned to ask, i wanted to go big and show her how much i love her. But it feels right, so right. 

“Luke, baby. What are you doing?” she questions, she quickly places the food and water on the dresser, coming back over to me and kneeling so we're eye level. 

I take her left hand in mine, squeezing lightly, “Y/n i love you,so fucking much baby. I don’t want to live another day without you being mine for infinity, I want to wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep next to you at night. You mean the absolute world to me, and i don’t know what i would do if i ever lost you. Will you marry me?” 

Her eyes well up with tears, on falling down her flushed cheek. Wiping it away with my thumb, I kiss her cheek softly. 

“Holy shit,” she mutters, letting out a chuckle. She wipes her tears, cupping my jaw a huge smile on her face, “yes, baby. A thousand times yes!” she goes to say something else but my lips have already captured hers. 

All the memories come rushing back, our first kiss in my car after I told her I love her, the awful opera singing just to hear her beautiful laugh. The times when we would get interrupted by the boys. 

Everything comes rushing back, and I couldn't be happier. I love this woman deeply and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. 

Pulling back, a huge smile is covering both of our faces. I pulled the ring I had custom made out of the velvet box and placed it on her finger.

“Baby, it’s beautiful!” she gushes, her eyes wide with wonder as she stares at the ring. 

“You’re beautiful,” I smile. 

“I love you so much, Luke,” she kisses me, “to infinity,” she mutters only pulling back slightly, before she reconnects our lips. 

All the sparks and the butterflies, they’re all still there. After almost three years together, they’re still there and I hope they never go away.  

“I love you, y/n. To infinity, baby.”

Tag list: @vividstyles23 , @harrystylesandharrypotter​ (if you wanna be added let me know!!)  Feedback is highly appreciated!!!!

[andromedasstarship]

in the stars - chapter 5

pairing - aaron hotchner x reader 

warnings - canon-typical criminal minds violence, stalking, unhealthy coping mechanisms, drinking, angst

summary -  “Please,” he said, staring you straight in the eyes. “Don’t go.” 

a/n - i really love this chapter! cant wait to hear what yall think :DD also for reference i aged jack down just a year so hes 3 when haley passes away, about to turn 5 when reader & aaron get together. i dont claim any dialogue straight from Emma as mine! (emma dialogue is in italics) 

masterlist / series masterlist / read it on ao3 

chapter 4 / chapter 6 

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You were hyper-aware of the new way the team was looking at you as you entered the conference room. You shot a very anxious glance up towards Aaron, grateful for the very brief- but soft- glance he gave you before the business side of him took over again. You could feel the ghost of his hand hovering over that protective spot on your back again as he led you up towards the table. 

It felt like your eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets, upon seeing the seemingly endless piles of photos in front of you. Your brain was struggling to process everything that was laid out in front of you and you felt your heart rate start to pick up; seeing it in person was worse than anything your mind had created in the drive here. 

“Y/N.” 

Your eyes shot up to meet the voice and you saw Spencer looking down at you with a look that was just on the edge of pity. “We tried to sort the pictures into piles of time relativity. Would you be able to go through them and help us create a firmer timeline?” 

You nodded at that, vaguely aware of Aaron pulling a chair out behind you. You gladly slid down into it. Seeing Emily start to pick up one pile and push them towards you made you nervously laugh, the stress of the moment and how uncomfortable you felt forcing it out. When the entire team gave you a weird look you said, “Sorry, it just reminded me of last time.” 

You gently picked up the stack of photos, trying to hold them as lightly as possible. The knowledge that the unsub had packaged these himself sent a shiver down your spine. You knew it was silly, but you somehow felt that by touching the photos you were somehow also touching the remnants of the unsub. 

The first stack you easily dated as around four years ago, just from your hair; you’d drastically changed it for a role. You thumbed through the photos and could feel the knots in your stomach growing even tighter. Most of the photos were blurry and relatively distant from you, as if the unsub was still getting comfortable with what he was doing. 

“This was four years ago, I had to change my hair for a role and I’ve never had it like that before or again.” You said quietly, pushing the pile back to Emily. 

She nodded, giving you a gracious smile before pushing the next pile towards you. Your face fell immediately; something the team equated to how much more personal these set of photos seemed to be. You fanned the stack out in front of you. There weren’t many, as if even the unsub could recognize the inappropriate- ha!- nature of capturing you like this. In all of them you looked worn down, as if a cloud was following you everywhere you went. 

“This was about two years ago.” You said flatly. It took a moment, but you could see everyone connect the dots in their head and suddenly the room felt very small. 

Thankfully, the next pile was rather average and you guessed that this was just an ‘extra’ pile of photos that didn’t really seem to fit into a cohesive timeframe. As you scanned over them, one caught your eye and you pulled it a bit closer to you. You pointed a finger at the sign behind you. 

“This is an exclusive club house, it’s difficult to get into. Security’s intense and everyone that enters has to sign in.” You informed the team. JJ reached out and grabbed the photo, putting it to the side for later.

You turned your attention back to the pile, making sure to give each photo a proper amount of attention, desperate to notice something useful. 

“This one,” you said, pulling a blurry photo of yourself out of the pile. You were moving too fast for the camera to properly capture you, but you recognized the outfit. “I was wearing this the day Officer Reynolds told me you all were coming, isn’t this the outside of the station?” You said quietly.

JJ moved that photo to the ‘save for later’ pile as well. You gently re-stacked the pile and passed it towards Emily, waiting for the next one. 

You watched as Emily seemed to be literally holding her tongue as she pushed the next pile towards you, a certain playful glint in her eyes. Once you were able to look at it, you couldn’t help but snort. You could feel Aaron tense up besides you, but you could find the humor in it. The ‘Aaron’ pile. 

You fanned the stack out like you had done with the others, giving special attention to the details behind you. These were much more difficult to place and a much smaller pile, considering how careful the two of you had been. 

“These must’ve been in DC?” You questioned, not really expecting an answer. You looked up towards Aaron, raising an eyebrow as if to give him the opportunity to share his thoughts. “Whenever he came to LA, I had an iron grip on our security but it was a whole different field in DC-” 

Your sentence fell flat as your eyes went wide, nearly surging out of your seat up towards Aaron. He gave you a worried look, unable to place the sudden anxiety that had taken over you. “What about Jack?” You asked worriedly, “if he knows about you he must’ve found out about Ja-”

Aaron stopped you, putting a very gentle hand on the top of your shoulder, “He’s okay, I promise.” He said, using his hand to lightly push you back into a seated position. You nodded at that, eyes still wide, but your body seemed to deflate, the tension slowly leaving you. 

The rest of the team was quiet, recognizing the personal nature of the interaction. But it was impossible for them not to notice the way your bodies reacted to each other. The way your body’s natural response to a stressor had been to move closer to him and the way he angled himself in a protective stance around you near simultaneously. 

Emily pushed the final pile in front of you and you couldn’t help the corners of your lips pull up in a soft smile. You fanned out the stack of photos, taking a good look at all of them. They all seemed to either be promo photos or film photos of your time filming Mamma Mia in Greece. 

“This is definitely from Greece. But some of these are definitely promo photos, it’s why I’m ‘posing’ in a few of them.” You said, pushing out one that visually made your point. 

“What about this one? It feels a lot more intimate than a promotional piece.” Emily asked, pulling one out from the stack. In it, you were standing on the dock, face close to the camera. You had a big smile on your face and your thumbs up. 

“On set, we had a handful of little disposable cameras that everyone could use.” 

“Do you have any memory of who owned the cameras?” 

“I…,” you paused, eyebrows scrunched tightly in thought, “I don’t know. The studio distributed all the photos after the movie came out. They’re pretty public at this point, it was five years ago.” You said weakly, feeling really disappointed in your lack of help. “I’m sorry.” You added. 

Morgan stepped up closer to the table. “Don’t be okay? Now we know that the unsub has connections in Hollywood and we know he must be wealthy enough to fly to DC on a whim if he thought you were there. That helps narrow things down.” He assured you. 

“Are there any specific photographers that you’ve noticed? Or any guy you feel like you’ve seen too many times and it’s no longer a coincidence?” Spencer asked. 

You shook your head quickly. “I’m really used to cameras flashing in my face.” You said impishly. “I can remember a lot of fans that I meet, but if it’s just someone behind a camera I don’t think I’d really notice it at all.” 

You felt Aaron move away from you and towards the computer at the end of the table. He clicked a few buttons and suddenly a woman's face popped up on the screen. You recognized her immediately from all the stories and photos you’d seen. Penelope. 

Aaron brought the computer closer to where you were and her mouth dropped open for the second time today. 

“Oh my god! Hi! Wow! I am, I am such a fan. I just-, you’re always so-” 

“Garcia.” Aaron interjected but you raised your hand at him, giving him a ‘shoo’ gesture. The rest of the team had to stifle their laughter. 

“Hi, Penelope right? I’ve heard so much about you.” You said sweetly, leaning a bit closer to the camera. 

“Wow! Okay, I can’t believe this is-” 

“Garcia, I need you to pull up visitor logs from a clubhouse that Y/N used to visit. I want you to cross reference it with other visitor logs of recent film sets she’s been on and her housing development. She’ll be able to give you a more comprehensive list.” Aaron interjected, and this time you let him. 

You turned back to the screen, giving Garcia another smile. “The clubhouse is called Royal Blue, the picture couldn’t have been more than…, I think three years ago? But I’m not sure.” 

“Alright…, okay the visitor logs seem to be locked tight, but never too tight for me. What are some of those movie sets?” 

“The earliest photo is what? Five years ago?” You asked, looking around at the agents for approval. “Yeah, five years. So Mamma Mia, to start, Little Women. I’m working on Emma right now.” You droned, listing various movie sets you’d worked on in the past five years. 

“Oh my god! I have so many questions about Mamma Mia. Like what was it-,” Garcia’s question trailed off as she caught sight of Hotch giving her a firm stare from behind you. “Right sorry, alright. I will break into the clubhouse and cross reference all of these lists to see if anyone comes up more than once. It was so nice meeting you, I hope we get to-. Alright, hanging up now!” Garcia said in a rushed voice. You watched her click a button on her end and the screen went black. 

You leaned back into your chair, staring up at the rest of the team . “So…,” you said, drawing out the word, “what now?” 

-----

“What are you doing?” Aaron’s asked, voice coming out from behind you. 

You comically froze, hand just short of picking your keys up from the table. You slowly turned to face him, straightening your tote bag over your shoulder. “Oh! There you are, I was just on my way to come find you.” You said lightly, trying to diffuse some of the tension in the room. Aaron didn’t say anything, waiting for you to go on. “Johnny and I have plans tonight.” You said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world  

On your part, you’d already forgotten about the whole ‘I’m on a date’ aspect on your earlier phone call with Aaron. In your mind, there wasn’t anything inherently suspicious about you going to spend time with him in the evening.

Aaron was viewing the entire situation in a very different light. When he had first come around the corner, he noticed how nice you looked. When the two of you had finally returned to your place you immediately went up to your room, disappearing for quite some time. He had originally thought maybe you were upset, the cognitive interview hadn’t revealed anything and even though he knew you didn’t really believe in their accuracy, he also knew how badly you wanted to be of ‘use’ for the case. 

In your time upstairs, you had changed your outfit and styled your hair just enough to give it that ‘unstyled-styled’ look. It’s not like you were glammed out or anything, the only reason you’d put on a nice outfit was on the off chance you were photographed- hopefully not by the unsub-, on your way into Johnny’s apartment. 

“And what is it that you’re supposed to be doing?” Aaron asked, trying to keep his voice as nonchalant as possible. 

“Um, nothing much,” You said with an awkward laugh, when he was still looking at you expectantly you tilted your head. “I’m supposed to go to his place and we’re gonna run lines for the scenes we’re filming this week.” You explained. 

“I can’t endorse you going out at night. Especially to someone’s home that we don’t have eyes on.” Aaron said firmly. 

You rolled your eyes at that, picking up your keys. “Johnny’s fine, he’s been in the same place as me when nearly all the bodies were discovered.” You argued, putting one hand on your hip. 

“With the recent development in the cases, I can’t let you do this.”

You started to walk towards him, intending to go around him. “Aaron-” 

His hand shot out and gently grabbed you by the arm, stopping you from getting past him. 

“Hey!-” 

“Please,” he said, staring you straight in the eyes. “Don’t go.” 

Your mouth fell open slightly in a mild form of shock. ‘We’re just running lines, I really need-” 

“I’ll do it with you.” Aaron interjected hurriedly. “We’ve done it before, I’m not too bad at it, huh?” He said teasingly. 

You pondered that for a minute. You and Aaron had run lines together plenty of times in the past, it was always something you got a kick out of, seeing Aaron try and morph into whatever character he was reading for. And while it wouldn’t be as productive as running them with your actual co-star, you reasoned it’d still be good enough. And as much as you hated to admit it, Aaron probably had a point about you not going out, especially in the evening.  

“Fine. I just need to go call Johnny and tell him something came up.” You huffed, pretending to be more annoyed than you were. 

“Here,” you said, reaching into your bag and pulling out your script, “I already have most of my lines memorized, I’ll just need you to fill in if I miss any. I have a pink sticky note denoting the scene we were going to start with. You’re reading as Knightely. I’ll meet you in the living room, alright?” You said, pushing the script into his hands as you walked around him towards the kitchen, pulling your phone out at the same time. 

----

“No, I’m just saying I think it’d be more believable or whatever if we did a few more like nonchalant meals before like, running errands together or something, ya know?” You said lazily into the phone, holding it between your ear and shoulder as you used your hands to mix up a drink for yourself. Out of the corner of your eye you caught sight of the Dalmore. You reached out with one hand and carefully pulled it down, still remembering exactly how Aaron liked to take a drink. 

“What meal really screams ‘we’re dating’? Dinner? That’s like the longest meal of the day, that’s gotta show some sort of commitment.” Johnny asked. 

“Hm…,” you droned, “well we just had a lunch. If we want to kick it into high gear, we should do breakfast. Perfect ‘just spent the night’ remedy.” You said with a snort. 

Aaron cleared his throat behind you and the sound made you jump. You pulled the phone away from your ear and saw you’d been blabbering for nearly half an hour. 

‘Oh. Sorry.’ You mouthed to Aaron, before pulling the phone back to your ear. “Hey Johnny gotta go, but we’ll figure it out later! Yeah…, for sure, bye!” You hung up and placed your phone on the counter. Then you grabbed the drink you had poured for him, holding it out. 

“It’s Dalmore.” You said plainly. 

“I’m working.” He responded. 

You rolled your eyes at that and held it out more aggressively. “Take it.” 

You watched happily as he begrudgingly took it out of your hand, though you knew it wasn’t too difficult for him. You picked up your own glass and tucked your phone into the waistband of your pants. “Ready? Sorry, got carried away.” 

While the two of you walked back into your living room, it was obvious something was bothering Aaron. You briefly wondered if something had developed in the case that he wasn’t telling you. 

‘What is it?” You asked. 

He looked down at you, confused. “What is what?” 

“Don’t play dumb, you have a tell.”  You explained, stopping to look up at him.  

“I do not have a tell.” Hotch replied annoyedly. 

“Yes you do.” 

“No, I don’t.” 

“If you want to be a baby about it, fine you don’t have a tell. Tell me what’s wrong anyway.” 

“I’m trying to understand why you lied about not having a boyfriend nor seeing anyone recently. We’ll need to fully vet Johnny and look into his files, even if you don’t see it becoming serious.” Aaron near spat.

You snorted. “What do you mean lied?” 

“You very clearly told me you weren’t seeing anyone, yet today has proven those claims to be false.” 

“I know that sometimes, I like to be a huge pain but I’m serious, what are you talking about? I’m not seeing anyone.” 

“Your co-star, Johnny? You told me you were on a date with him today. I just heard you on the phone make plans to stay with him overnight. I saw the pictures of-” 

“Stop! Oh my god, I can’t believe you actually believed that.” You said, unable to hold back the laughter that bubbled out of you. 

“Believed it? You’re the only who told me!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have assumed you read through the lines. Johnny and I have been going on publicity dates. We’re just friends.” 

“What were you supposed to be doing tonight then?” 

“We were legitimately going to run lines. Maybe get ice cream, we’re trying to determine the best ice cream in LA.” 

That’d explain the outfit, Aaron thought. 

“And the phone call I just heard?” 

“We were debating which meal screams ‘dating’. He thinks it’s dinner. I think it’s breakfast, ya know, cause it implies you spent the night.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me that, before.” 

“Don’t you remember when I had kinda the same thing with Timothee during Little Women? They made us hang out a bunch so the tabloids could just do their thing. I just assumed you’d fill in the blanks.” 

Aaron was staring at you as if you had two heads. It was almost like you could see the gears turning in that head of his. Internally, he was more than embarrassed for how upset he’d gotten over the idea of you with someone else. 

When it seemed that Aaron had nothing else to say, you started to walk again, not stopping until you were both back in your living room. You plopped down in ‘your spot’ on the couch, playfully patting the space a few cushions down that Aaron typically sat in. 

“Crack open that script, I hope you looked through it. If you’re making me stay home, you better be useful!” You said pleasantly, trying to change the atmosphere into something more playful. 

Aaron awkwardly sat himself down on the couch next to you, picking the script back up. As you watched him flip the script open and further acquaint himself with the lines you couldn’t help but feel a sharp pang in your chest. It was such an unavoidable reminder of the way the two of you used to run lines together when you were still dating. You had learned early on that Aaron best showed his affection through acts of service and he actually wasn’t that bad at delivering a line. Since the two of you were rarely together in person- it’s not like you’d let him waste a visit with you building a shelf or running an errand-, running lines with you was the easiest way for him to feel useful. 

-----

Four Years Ago

“Okay Jack, you ready?” You asked, smiling down at the young boy standing across from you. He was dressed up in his winter clothes, despite the blazing heat of the summer. You and Aaron had tried to talk him out of it, but he demanded it’d be the only way for him to fully get into character. And who were you two to deny him? The sweet boy nodded, barely being able to contain his excitement as he bounced up and down on his feet. 

“Alright, places everyone!” You yelled out, holding the diy paper clapperboard Jack had made for you. You held it out from your body and did a very exaggerated clapping motion. “Action!” You said, quickly throwing the clapperboard to the couch. 

“Carrots!” Jack said, his voice more than enthusiastic for the role. 

“Huh?” You said, heavily overselling your voice and reaction. Even with the one simple word, Jack was already in giggles, struggling to keep it together. 

He leaned in closer to you, standing up on his tiptoes. “Behind you!” 

“Oh! Right, excuse me.” You said, stepping to the side and gesturing to the ‘carrots’ behind you. 

You made your voice really low to play the next part. “Woh, a real howler in July, yea? Where ever could it be coming from?” You asked, placing your chin in between your thumb and pointer finger. 

Jack kept giggling at your ‘deep’ voice, he held his ‘script’ up to his face to read his next line. “The North Mountain.” 

You jokingly ran a hand in front of your face, signaling a character switch. “North Mountain.” You stage whispered. You ran your hand in front of your face again, going serious. “That’ll be forty.” You said, holding your hand out with a ‘gimme’ gesture. 

Jack smacked your hand gently to ‘give you’ the money. But after his face fell ever so slightly. “Can we skip to when Daddy gets to come in??” He asked, giving you those big eyes you couldn’t possibly say no to. 

You stood back, putting your weight on your back leg with one hand on your hip. “Hmm.., I think that could be arranged.” You reached over to grab the clapperboard. “Alright everyone! Back to places, but let’s start at ‘Hi everyone’, okay?” 

Jack nodded excitingly and turned back to where he knew Aaron was standing, partially hidden by the hallway. “Places daddy!” He urged, pointing to where he should come stand. 

Aaron came out from around the corner and you quickly covered your mouth with your hand, trying to hold in the laughter. Aaron had a big white hat on his head and had let Jack put a small orange dot on his nose. You and Jack had definitely double teamed poor Aaron, dragging him into your little ‘movie game’ as Jack liked to call it. The three of you had started doing this a few months ago, Jack loved ‘running lines’ with you and you were more than happy to oblige him. It had started when a sleepy Jack had stumbled into the living room one night when he couldn’t sleep and he saw you and Aaron running lines for one of your other movies. Jack had taken to it so much you ended up ‘hiring’ him to help you with your more child friendly roles. 

“Alright, alright. Quiet on set!” You said, making a big deal of you bringing your index finger up to your lips in a ‘shush’ motion. “Action!” 

“Hi everyone. I’m Olaf. And I like warm hugs.” Aaron recited robotically , very clear that he was reading directly from the paper. You smacked your hand back over your mouth, unable to control the giggles. Once you started laughing, Jack fell into his own fit of laughter; both of you fueled off the others amusement. 

Of course, when you finally pulled yourself back together, a quick look at the way Aaron was standing with fake annoyance across his face and his arms crossed tightly against his chest sent you back into fits of laughter. 

“Are you two done?” Aaron asked, no true malice in his voice. 

It was rare that the three of you all got to spend time together. He’d been wary of introducing you to Jack. It wasn’t really a ‘you’ thing, but it was more of how Jack would be able to deal with it. There were the typical worries, what if you and Jack didn’t get along? Or what if you two did get along really well but then you and Aaron broke up and it hurt him even further? While you never intended to try and replace his ‘mom’, you still worried that your chaotic schedule would somehow hurt him, skewing his perception of yet another ‘parental’ figure. Not to mention the issues with him being able to keep your identity and presence in his life a secret; he wouldn’t even be able to tell people like Uncle Rossi that his dad was seeing someone. 

But now, you’d been with Aaron for over two years. And Jack had known about you for about a year now. And everything had been going perfect. Jack was a stellar secret keeper, the unfortunate events of his childhood maturing him faster than any child deserved and he was able to fully understand the importance of the situation. The two of you had taken to each other quite quickly and every night the three of you would have a ‘bedtime’ call; even on the nights when Aaron was busy with a case you’d still call Jack on your own. You loved spoiling him with whatever hot new toy was popular among kids his age or getting him special early copies of movies before they came out. Aaron used to get on you about it, saying it wasn’t necessary, but you argued it was the most necessary thing in the world. 

And now here the three of you were. Nestled away in Aaron’s apartment in DC. You had just flown in after wrapping up a shoot abroad and were just in time for the start of summer. Even though your career was at a seemingly new high, you had managed to secure a relatively empty summer. After long consideration and planning you and Aaron decided it’d be a nice treat for Jack to go spend a month or so with you in LA. You’d consulted heavily with many of your friends who kept their children completely hidden from the spotlight and had hired an airtight security team to assist you the entire time. Aaron was supposed to come out when he could, but you were all aware of how turbulent his poor schedule could be. Schedule permitting, you all would spend the next three days at Aaron’s apartment before you and Jack took off. 

“Daddy! You sound like a robot.” Jack said, scolding Aaron. His voice brought you out of your thoughts and you looked down at him with a big smile. 

“Daddy’s just no good at this huh?” You asked, shaking your head. “He’s no match for our talent, Jack!” 

“This is really hot.” Jack said, holding up his arms. He must’ve been sweating his butt off in all those winter layers. 

“You’re kidding me! I wonder who could’ve seen that coming.” You said sarcastically, reaching over to pull off his big hat and zip down the first of multiple jackets he put on. “I’ve heard that ice cream cools you down…,” 

“Ice cream!’ Jack exclaimed, his eyes lighting up. He didn’t even look to his father for ‘permission’, knowing by now you had the most sway in the house. 

“Go put on some normal clothes okay? Wouldn’t be fun if you passed out in your ice cream bowl, huh?” You told him, ruffling his hair before he dipped under your arm, making a mad dash for his room. 

“He hasn’t even had lunch yet, you know that right?” Aaron asked, giving you a fake stern look as he walked over to where you were standing. 

You rolled your eyes at that, reaching up to snatch the white hat off his head, letting your arms fall loosely around his neck. “Does it upset you that I’m always the cool one?” You asked teasingly, reaching up on your tiptoes to press the gentlest kiss on his lips. 

He gave you one of his small smiles, reaching down to press a second kiss to your lips. “How was your flight in?” He asked, one of his hands wrapping protectively around your waist as the other one found its way by your hair, gently stroking down it the way you liked. 

You let your head relax against his touch and pretended to think for a moment. Instead of answering you reached up again, pressing your lips against his, pressing yourself closer to him. You both thought you could stay this way forever; it being the first time you saw each other, in person, in nearly two months. 

“Gross!” Jack’s voice seemingly cut through the two of you. Aaron was the one to pull away first, quietly laughing so only you could hear. 

“Later.” He promised in a whisper. 

You loosened your grip on him, turning to face Jack. “Oh Jack! Funny seeing you here, ice cream, right?” 

----- 

Present Day.

“Page 103, right?” He asked, skipping to the bright pink sticky note you had used as a place marker. 

You jolted out of your memories, feeling the heat rise up your neck as you prayed it wasn’t too obvious you had just completely zoned out. 

“Yep!” You squeaked out, “page 103, line 19, you start.” You said, waving your hands. 

“And I do envy him, Emma. In one respect he is the object of my enemy, you will not ask me why, you are, you are determined, I see, to have no curiosity but I cannot be wise-” He started, keeping his eyes near glued to the page. 

You frowned, shaking your head a bit. “Stand up.” You ordered, already getting to your feet. 

“Excuse me?” Aaron asked. 

“Stand up,” you repeated, motioning upwards with your palms. “This,” you said, motioning between the two of you, “doesn’t feel right if we’re seated, we’re supposed to move around in this scene, it’s supposed to be painful.” You explained. 

He slowly stood up, looking at you for permission to start again. 

“From where you left off, please.” 

“I must tell you, Emma, what you will not ask! Though I may wish it unsaid the next moment-” 

“So do not speak it.” You cut in. “If you wish to speak to me, as a friend or to ask my opinion as a friend I will hear whatever you like.”

“As a friend, Emma. That I fear is a word, tell me Emma. Have I no chance of ever succeeding?” He asked, looking up at you for further approval, you nodded and he continued. “My dearest Emma, my dearest, you will always be my dearest most beloved Emma, tell me at once. I cannot make speeches, if I, if I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more-” 

“Let’s do a different part, yeah?” You interrupted, voice incredibly tight. You ducked from his gaze, reaching to bring your glass to your lips. 

“Isn’t this the scene you have to practice?” Aaron asked, raising his brow at you. 

“It doesn’t matter,” you replied, taking a long sip, “any practice as the character will be helpful.” 

“If this is the one that’s troubling you, we should go over it.” He pressed. 

“Page 56, start at line 9.” You ordered, throwing back the rest of your glass. “Read it over, I’ll be back.” 

Before you could fully turn to go and refill your glass, Aaron lunged forward and grabbed your arm, pulling you towards him. The sudden movement caused you to stumble, throwing your hands out to steady yourself against his chest. 

“You’ve been drinking a lot.” He stated, repositioning his grip on your arm. 

“Am I not allowed to have a drink or two in my own home?” You challenged. 

“What are you running away from?” Aaron asked, his voice so gentle it made your knees weak. 

“You.” You whispered, after a long pause. You looked up at him with sad eyes and only found confusion in his. “I can’t, I-, don’t you see how funny it is? Your character is desperate for mine to be with and my character is the one to deny yours.” 

Your confession pulled sharply on his heart. He couldn’t bring himself to say anything, not sure there were any words to appropriately apologize for how he had treated you. 

“Why didn’t you ever call?” You asked, voice so quiet he almost didn’t hear you. 

“I, I-” He stuttered, unable to think of an answer fast enough. 

“I waited for weeks,” you said, looking up at him with a look that nearly brought him to his knees. “I waited so long and you never called.” 

He brushed the hair out of your face, letting his hand fall gently against your cheek. His thumb caught a stray tear that had started to fall, softly brushing it away. “I don’t know.” He responded, his voice as quiet as your. “I don’t know, you didn’t deserve that.” 

You pressed your face into his hand, closing your eyes as you felt more tears managing to sneak past you. He was finally admitting words you had dreamed of hearing for years, but yet you were unable to find any joy in them. 

“You didn’t deserve that.” He repeated, sliding his hand towards the back of your head, pulling you firmly against his chest, while his other arm wrapped tightly around your waist. You let your body relax into his, slowly bringing your own arms up loosely around his neck. 

You felt him gently press the faintest of kisses to the top of your head. “I’m so sorry angel.” He mumbled into your hair. 

You pulled your head out from under him, looking up at him with big eyes. The two of you were silent, basking in each other's presence. Your eyes flickered down to his lips multiple times; something he duly picked up on. Just as you began to push up on your toes, nearly pressing your lips to his, eyes half closed in anticipation, his phone rang out. 

You froze, falling back onto your heels with a small sigh. “Answer it, I’m getting a refill.” You said, pulling yourself out of his grasp. He gave you an uncertain look, as if he wanted to pull you back in and ignore the call completely. 

You wagged a finger in front of him, shaking your head. In on fluid movement, you grabbed your glass and nearly ran out of the room

-----

It took you ten minutes to calm yourself down and another five to hype yourself up to return to your living room. And that was after you had made yourself a new drink. 

When you entered the living room, Aaron’s back was to you; still locked on the phone. The tension was clear in his shoulders and your eyes drifted down to his free hand that you knew would be clenched in a fist. It was. 

“Thank you Garcia, tell the team we’ll be there soon.” He said, pulling the phone away from his ear and hanging up. 

“Aaron?” You asked. 

He rolled his shoulders back, trying to loosen some of the tension from his shoulders for your benefit. He slowly turned back towards you, his face pulled in frustration. 

“LAPD just reported another body.”

-------

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no permission is given to copy or republish my writing on any other platform or account. if you see this story outside of my blog or my ao3 it is stolen work. i do not own nor claim to own criminal minds or any of the character involved in it.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “Refuge”

Happy Saturday, everyone! Welcome to week two of… fourteen? Is that how many episodes we’ve got this Volume? Man, we’re going to be here for a while.

There’s a ton to unpack in “Refuge,” but as promised I want to delve into the opening first. Given the scattered, symbolic nature of our intro I think it’s easiest to just chuck out observations in list form. I’ll segue back into cohesive recapping in a moment.

So, what have we got?

The glitching between a happy, whole Atlas and the burning wreckage we’re now dealing with. That works well given both Atlas’ tech-focus culture and the ways that tech has led to some of our biggest tragedies (hijacked army, framing Penny, etc.)

Ruby looks scared and is standing behind the rest of her team, separated from them by the title. I’m not really feeling that theme so far though, given Yang’s incredibly weak challenge, Ruby’s immediate forgiveness (during her talk with Penny), and the fact that she’s still working with half the team who vocally support her, particularly Nora. Unless something drastic changes, the idea of Ruby being the outsider here is silly.

We get shots of the girls with their past selves superimposed over their bodies and weapons. I like the message here—they carry those versions of themselves with them—just not how it’s contrasted with Ironwood’s image of an earlier Atlas now burning. So that’s all he is now? Everyone gets to embody their growth except for him? His past is erased to focus solely on our current predicament? I’m not picking up any redemption flags here…

Robyn’s hand reaches down towards Clover’s badge, which then circles to show off the Ace Ops. The final image contrasts an angry Harriet with a defeated Qrow. At least, I hope they’re contrasts. It’s going to read as absurd if they somehow end up working together after Qrow helped get her leader killed.

This morphs into Qrow alone who sits, devastated, until Robyn offers him a hand up and they both smile. I’m not a fan of this symbolism after the prison scene we got this episode. It’s like Qrow might have thought about his choices until Robyn’s anger reminded him that, oh yeah, he can be angry at Ironwood instead. These two teaming up, when their last team-up led to a death, is worrisome to say the least.

We get our horrifying image of Salem looming over Oscar as he clutches his head. The group’s weapons fall. This makes sense given this episode’s kidnapping and the team’s sheer inability to do anything to stop it.

Jaune stands determined—also makes sense with his trend of giving “pep talks”—while Ren and Nora stand apart, facing opposite directions. Nora looks back though.

Paralleling them are Winter and Weiss who also face opposite directions. This is becoming a common visual theme: Harriet and Qrow, Nora and Ren, Winter and Weiss. Here though, Weiss looks determinedly ahead while Winter stares down at her feet, unsure. Ugh, I just know they’re going to have her betray Ironwood too.

We get a brief glimpse of Whitley and Willow, not a whole lot to go on. Then we see Salem turning her chess pieces into grimm—literally changing the game—while Ironwood’s white pieces are turned to dust. I could make a quip about how white is supposed to go first, but the initial move was made thousands of years before Ironwood existed and thus he never stood a chance, certainly not when his own allies are actively working against him… but I won’t lol

Watts is smiling at a terminal while at his back Pietro works at his. More opposites. Pietro’s reflection looks to Penny even as his body continues to work, his heart contrasting his head. Penny, in turn, looks upset as her reflection flinches at something off screen and the glass cracks. Watts hacking her, perhaps?

We see the new teams as a cherry blossom (I think?) floats across the screen. It melts in Ren’s hand while escaping Nora’s. Honestly, I’m not sure what to make of that just yet.

Ruby and Yang share a look—undermining their supposed conflict this volume. Couldn’t we have gotten sister unity over the last three years instead?—and a fight against grimm starts up. It freezes as Cinder walks through it, hopefully implying that the group’s attention is on the wrong threat. While they concern themselves with low-level grimm, Salem and her allies are walking free and wreaking havoc.

Then Cinder screams and clutches her grimm arm as things go up in flames. I hope that’s not a death flag given that we’ve teased her death twice already and we only just got a glimpse at her backstory. Also, I think it’s worth mentioning here that there’s a “Summer is the Hound” theory gaining traction which, frankly, I think is 100% unsubstantiated. It’s a fun crack theory, but not something I’m inclined to take seriously until we get some actual evidence behind it. There is, however, potential evidence for people becoming grimm in general: Salem falling into the pool and Cinder receiving that arm. That’s not much though. So while I’m far from convinced that the Hound was once human—let alone that it was Summer—there is something to the theory that Salem may be able to control Cinder via her arm like she controls other grimm. After all, she knew Cinder was alive despite everyone else thinking she’d perished. They seem to have some sort of connection that hasn’t been explained yet and now that Cinder has willingly walked back into Salem’s clutches, she may not be able to walk out.

There are shots of all our other villains, the Lamp and the Staff reflected in Salem’s eyes, and Jinn’s blue smoke, perhaps suggesting that we’ll see her again, or the entity residing in the Staff (if they exist).

Atlas glitches back to normal—a false victory?—before the ice breaks and Team RWBY falls into the darkness below. Volume 3 vibes all around. There’s light above them emanating from the Staff, but as Ruby reaches for it grimm arms circle and pull her deeper. I hope this means that the group will suffer the defeat we need to keep Salem as a legitimate threat, but we had very similar imagery back in Volume 6 and they made it out of that situation just fine, so.

“Happy Ever After” glitches into “Happy? Never Again.” Which isn’t ominous or anything. We finally end on the classic RWBY image of Crescent Rose buried in the snow underneath the shattered moon.

On the whole I think the opening is strong and I like a lot of the symbolism in it, though I do question how much will actually end up being relevant to the story. My only gripes are that there are too many different styles going on—it feels like three or four different Volume openings slammed together—and the fact that it also feels overly long. I don’t think it’s actually any longer than our Volume 7 opening, but it seems that way to me, perhaps because of those varying styles breaking things up.

So that’s what we’ll be watching for the next twelve weeks! Let’s move onto the actual episode.

We open on the image of Clover’s bloody badge in Qrow hand, the same one we got in the trailer. I theorized last recap that we’d be getting the rest of our trailer/promo material this week and I was almost entirely correct in that. This moment, retrieving the bikes, fighting off the grimm, Watts getting hit, Oscar carried away… all we’re missing are some eye closeups and Nora powering up her hammer. As said, it makes me nervous for what the rest of the Volume holds. I can’t decide whether the footage wasn’t ready to be included in promo materials that early, or if RT is just determined not to give us any information past the first two episodes…

Regardless, this is supposed to be a moment of grief and all I could focus on was Qrow’s hand. Specifically, the lack of detail in it. On the whole, I’ve been very happy with the engine upgrade and I quite like RWBY’s animation now, but a closeup here draws too much attention to how, sometimes, they’re just not animating their characters in a way that looks natural. Where is Qrow’s wrist? Why is his palm perfectly smooth? Stylistically that’s usually fine, but when given the chance to stare at it you realize how odd it looks. 

Says the woman whose own drawing skills suck but, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But we’re talking about the important bits in this episode! Out of frame Robyn is heard yelling, “This is your fault. You realize that, don’t you?” We’re meant to think that she’s telling Qrow this, especially with how he’s bent guiltily over the badge, until we cut to reveal Jacques right next to them.

I wish Robyn was saying all that to Qrow. It would mean that she was ignoring her own responsibility in Clover’s death, but at least it would have started an arc where Qrow has to grapple with what he did. Not the awful moment that’s coming up.

Before that though, Jacques claims that he’s the “victim” here who was “duped.” His hands may not be clean, but “at least I’m not a murderer.” Look, I’m not here to absolve Jacques of anything. The guy is an absolute shit stain on the Remnant world. However, he’s right in his overall point even if his words are BS. Meaning, Jacques is not a victim and he is a murderer, but he is not the one responsible for Clover’s death. Robyn has plenty of things to be furious at him for, but this is not one of them. Ironically, here we have Jacques functioning as the kind of villain the show wants Ironwood to be. He is a murderer because the company he runs exploits faunus and forces them to work in dangerous conditions (see: the death of Ilia’s parents). He is culpable because he a) had control over these conditions and b) has full knowledge of their flaws. He’s a racist who cares more about money than lives. His informed choices then led directly to deaths. Ironwood? Not anywhere near the same thing. Overlooking the “Omg Salem is here and I have to do something about it” context, he did not try to arrest Robyn. He did not force Qrow to resist arrest, or Robyn to get involved, or Qrow to break Clover’s aura, or Tyrian to stab him in the chest. Ironwood had no control or knowledge of these events, so he is not responsible for Clover’s death in the way that Jacques is responsible for the faunus’. RWBY is giving the right arc to the wrong character.

Robyn then insists that Qrow didn’t kill anyone. He didn’t strike the blow, but he certainly helped! Look, Qrow is one of my favorites, but I’m not about to claim that he didn’t have a hand in getting his friend killed. I seriously can’t believe the show is ignoring this.

We then segue into some, uh, questionable dialogue choices. Jacques is a “snake with a mustache”? Sorry, I can’t take Robyn seriously at the best of times, but definitely not when she’s tossing out laugh worthy insults like that. Nevertheless, this “snake with a mustache” is guilty because he “helped that man tear us all apart.” That man being Watts.

…why are they all in what amounts to the same cell with barriers dividing them? I suppose we could make the argument that they’re being held in some secret facility, given that they’re in this dark, garage-esque space with no lights and no other prisoners. Some sort of maximum security setup that... doesn’t have any other inmates and no additional security? Hmm. Then again, the power is supposed to be out and I don’t really trust RWBY’s ability to craft consistent backgrounds. I feel like they’re packed together merely because that’s plot convenient, not because it makes any sense in world.

Watts looks pretty comfortable in there though and Jacques is likewise full of confidence. He says that by now Whitley will have already called their lawyers to get him out. Now, non-imprisoned people know that the apocalypse is currently underway, as Joanna will later put it. No one is lawyer-ing at the moment, but it will be crucial to see whether Whitley is trying to get Jacques out despite the chaos. How faithful is he to his abuser? Can Willow start undermining Jacques’ influence now that they’re alone?

Jacque’s confidence thoroughly pisses Robyn off and she screams, punching the barrier between them. Keep this in mind for a second. 

A moment later two guards show up to take Watts somewhere and… oh no. Please don’t tell me Ironwood is going to team up with him now that Penny has written him off? I know the guy has (presumably) already killed someone, and he must assume he’s killed Oscar, so we’re definitely in full villain territory despite the stupidity of it… but please don’t start working with Salem’s henchmen too. You know what? I’m not going to assume the worst until I actually see it. RWBY gives me enough nonsense as it is lol.

What I really want to talk about is that hit. 

I’m somewhat concerned by a lot of the fandom’s reaction to this moment in comparison to another. Who remembers Volume 6? That scene when Qrow punched Ozpin directly into a tree? Now, I’m not keeping track of who says what when—this is a generalized reaction—but I saw a lot of posts defending that action. There were numerous justifications for the punch, but the three big ones were: 1. These characters are fighters and they’re used to it, 2. These characters have aura so it’s not that bad, and 3. Ozpin totally deserved it. Now, the problems here are that 1a. I don’t think punching someone when they’re crying on their knees is justified, whether they’re a fighter or not, 1b. Qrow was likewise punching Oscar, a totally innocent kid, 2. We had established earlier that Oscar was having trouble remembering to activate his aura and didn’t seem to have it active then (no ripple effect, he’s rubbing his jaw afterwards), and 3. Ozpin’s crimes are, as explored on this blog, not nearly the horrific actions that the story and fandom would like to paint them as. The point is that despite all this, lots and lots of fans said it was totally okay to punch Ozpin&Oscar. What’s the big deal? they asked. Now, lots and lots of fans—mostly when the trailer first dropped—say it’s not okay to punch Watts. Despite the fact that he’s also a fighter. Despite the fact that his aura has broken. Despite the fact that he’s not currently a threat (seated on the bed/Ozpin on his knees). Despite the fact that he’s responsible for helping Salem try to take over the world. If we were to make a case for who deserves to get hit, Watts is a WAY stronger candidate in my opinion, yet he’s the one who a lot of fans are scrambling to defend. Why? I assume it’s because hitting him feeds into the generalized police state/dictator theme Ironwood has been thrown into. It helps villainize Ironwood for fans to go, “Poor Watts. He’s done horrific things but no one deserves to face police brutality.” I agree. The only problem is that a lot of those same fans seem to have gone, “Ozpin can get over it. He deserved to be hit! I would have done a whole lot worse to him…” So is the difference only that one attacker is a military professional and the other is… a huntsmen professional who soon after that scene starts working for the military? Yeah. The show continually ignores that the group aren’t the rogue heroes they pretend to be. They worked under Ironwood for weeks, if not months.

The show isn’t clear about its morals and neither are the fans, with both changing tactics whenever it helps blame the character they already don’t like. When Robyn punches the barrier, do we really think she wouldn’t have hit Jacques if given the chance? Why would it be heroic for her to hit the Evil Man but it’s not okay for the grunt minor character to hit the other Evil Man? These morals don’t change just because you like Robyn and don’t like Ironwood. 

Jumping ahead for a moment, we get another example of this hypocrisy with Joanna. A reporter is informing the people that the military seems to have stopped evacuations and there is an unheard number of grimm hanging out overhead, both things that are objective facts. He’s reporting as he should, sticking to what’s known and provable, and thus is, notably, not some lackey of Ironwood’s who is hastily presented as evil. Yet Joanna treats him like he is. She snatches the microphone from him and, when he starts to protest, threatens him with her weapon. After she’s done hijacking the feed, she shoves him on her way out.

Look at how scared this guy is. These are our heroes? This back and forth doesn’t work. Prior to his random killing spree, Ironwood took his fear and frustration out on some furniture, yet the show acted as if he was hurting real people. The mere possibility that he might use violence and intimidation to achieve heroic goals—getting Amity up/escaping Salem—was enough to label him as an antagonist because the understanding was that you can’t act like that no matter what your intentions are. Yet our current heroes can use as much violence and intimidation as they want to achieve their own heroic goal of warning the people? Do we think the story will encourage us to be critical of the group if they start beating up a bunch of Atlas goons to reach the access point? Of course not. And it’s that flip-flopping that’s the problem. Your heroes have to function differently than the villains in order for them to be heroes. Under that logic, our heroes haven’t acted like heroes since mid-Volume 6 and it’s getting harder and harder to watch.

Especially when we take the scene before this into account. Yup, we’ve still got Qrow gunning for Ironwood. Robyn bemoans the fact that they can’t do anything, to which Qrow replies, “We can do something. We can kill the man who put us here.” I… feel like I shouldn’t start repeating myself given how long this recap is—we’ll be here for forever lol—BUT I hope everyone reading this understands precisely how little this makes sense. How god awful a choice it is. I mean c’mon. Robyn attacked Clover unprovoked, Qrow teamed up with Tyrian, he broke Clover’s aura, Tyrian murdered him, Salem is here, and now he’s sitting in a cell with Watts and Jacques… but Ironwood is the guy he wants to kill? REALLY, QROW? THAT’S WHO YOU’RE GOING TO GO AFTER? I really can’t with this show sometimes. RWBY, put your clown makeup on.

We get a cut to Ironwood’s image just so there’s no confusion about who Qrow wants to help kill next and Joanna threatens that reporter who, you know, is also a citizen in need of help and protection… Her “General Ironwood has abandoned you, but we have not” sounds absolutely ridiculous when we just watched her intimidating this guy to get what she wants. ‘You can trust us! Unless we randomly decide we don’t like you.’ I have other things to say about Yang calling out that racist woman later on, but she gets props for helping her regardless. Honestly, I don’t get that sense from the cast very often: that they’d help you even if they don’t agree with you. They certainly didn’t offer that to Ozpin, Ironwood, or the Ace Ops.

There’s a very long shot of a scared toddler staring out the window, just to hammer home how young and innocent Mantle is. Seriously, pay attention to our imagery: Mantle is scared children in homes, cute children fist-bumping Jaune, family photos lost in the street, a stuffed toy run over by hoverbikes. It’s meant to evoke a general sense of domesticity and, again, innocence. Meanwhile, Atlas is only shown via Ironwood and Jacques, the villains. Where are the families living up in the sky? The children? The humanizing details? Our racist woman is an outlier who is quickly silenced by Yang. The rest of Mantle is characterized as victims: scared women, worried fathers, the faunus huddling together in the slums, even another racist who, while an asshole, is supposed to have a point about things like the embargo. Which is all true. These characters are all of these things, it’s just that they’re not unique in this. All this exists above too—from those families, to the faunus slave labor, to the beloved objects that remind you of someone’s worth—but they’re ignored to provide a simplistic look at Atlas as the villain. 

Throughout this entire episode the group tosses out snide remarks about how “They” don’t care about you and it’s just… they who? The other thousands of innocents who have nothing to do with Ironwood? The hundreds of Mantle citizens you already evacuated? The redeemable people like Winter and Whitley? The group fights alongside a Schnee who was one of the most vocal racists a year and a half ago, yet writes off the entirety of Atlas as the bad guys. What a mess.

As Joanna’s voiceover finishes, we cut to Yang’s group going after Pietro’s tech. I already covered this scene in our promo material, but to summarize here: horrible tone. Absolutely nonsensical given the situation. Salem is here and Yang is giggling over bikes. In fact, the tone is off for most of the episode (our end being the wonderful exception): Yang’s joy ride, antics with the Mantle citizens, Blake poking fun at Weiss, the tube scene… none of it fits the context of the series’ big bad here to kill everyone. Arguments along the lines of, “But it can’t be doom and gloom all the time” or “This is a brilliant parallel to Volume 3 with happy times heralding tragedy” don’t erase the fact that our cast isn’t taking this threat seriously. Last week Weiss’ “We’re never going to sleep again” moment worked because it’s humor in the context of how bad everything is. All of this? It’s just the group goofing off despite supposedly being in mortal danger. This?

This doesn’t read well. I’d argue this scene is even worse in context due to lines like “The others are definitely missing out.” In our promo material I assumed that the group just split for the sake of splitting and they were, in fact, just missing out on something cool. But we’ve since learned that they split due to a fundamental disagreement about how to help people, a split Ruby compared to Salem’s plans, a split that Yang started! Why is she now acting like their separation is a funny “missing out” moment? It’s like if half your friend group decided to go to the movies while the other half went to a party with an unexpectedly good DJ. The movie-goers are people who are “missing out,” not the group who went off to take over a military base and everyone left angry.

Keep in mind that Ozpin is also back. Every fun times scene with Oscar in it has the added problem of Ozpin hanging back, not saying anything, not acknowledged, still a secret.

The other issue I brought up weeks back was the lack of grimm. Why are the streets deserted? Shouldn’t the army be overrunning the city? Well, turns out that there’s no army because… Salem just hasn’t bothered to send it into the city yet? When Jaune and Ren take out the low-level grimm Oscar asks if they’ve “already pushed this far in,” to which Yang replies, “No, I think those are from last night.” A few minutes later, last night’s grimm change to new non-Salem grimm as Oscar observes, “It’s the negativity. Salem’s forces aren’t moving in, but it’s enough to attract the stragglers.” Later still, Joanna asks, “…grimm are circling out there. What are they waiting for?” GOOD QUESTION. We don’t know, but it’s real convenient, isn’t it? RWBY redeems itself a bit at the end of this episode with that Hound grimm, but I’m still calling it out for having Salem hold off long enough for the group to evacuate pretty much all of Mantle and infiltrate the base. That’s real nice of her. As the characters keep pointing out, it would be a staggeringly different situation if they were overrun with grimm right now, huh? Kind of like the situation Ironwood (rightfully) assumed they’d be dealing with.

Again, I’m so glad our Big Bad is kind enough to let the heroes do everything they need to before lifting a finger to attack them.

RWBY seems to be setting up a, “See! There was always time to evacuate the city!” accusation even though no one could have known that and it makes zero logical sense. Salem brings an army with her so she can not use the army against Atlas? Right…

This all segues directly into our other promo scene. My initial comments still stand: the tone doesn’t work, the lack of urgency doesn’t work (Jaune playing with the kid, Oscar politely knocking on doors), the low-level grimm are not a threat, that shield is useless against anything not driven by plot convenience, and it’s weird for Jaune to be yelling, “Heads up!” when there’s no one in front of him. As said, this moment really doesn’t sit well given everything that’s going on. I had hoped that it would read better when seen in the episode itself, but that’s sadly not the case.  

After Ren one-shots the grimm Jaune suggests that they use his amplified semblance to get everyone to the crater safely. Ren seems less than pleased about this, but agrees. Right now, it’s easy to say that he’s in a bad mood because Nora is mad at him, but what about the Volume before? Where’s this underlying tension coming from? I can come up with lots of theories, but at some point the show needs to confirm something. The longer we go not explaining what’s wrong with Ren, the less faith I have that it will make sense when we get it.

We see the racist woman upset that they have to go live with the “animals in the slums” rather than going up to Atlas. As said, I like that Yang helps her despite clearly hating the woman, I also think her criticism holds up well (ignoring the simplified ‘They abandoned you’ narrative). The only thing that bugs me is RWBY continually presenting racism as a problem to throw a band-aid on and then pat yourself on the back for ‘solving.’ Racist drunk says shit? Toss him in the trash! Racist woman says shit? Remind her that her survival depends on you! It’s not that these responses aren’t earned, but that we’re given them instead of an actual arc that tackles the complexities of this issue. I mean, Blake has abandoned the White Fang and we’ve barely mentioned the faunus slave labor in Atlas. When they head to the dust facility it’s conveniently run by bots instead of faunus. Can you imagine if Weiss Schnee walked into a group of exploited minorities, hoping to use them to access a military base? But of course, there’s nothing like that. RWBY ignores the actual issues for these simple solutions. Heroes just attack/threaten racists and then it all goes away. Yay.

The other problem with this scene is that we learn the crater is the slums. Um… what? Hold on, Joanna made it sound like it’s a separate place, potentially inhabited by grimm, yet it’s the same area Oscar was in last episode? How is that area warmer? This makes no sense to me.

Also, ha, the crater below Atlas apparently houses all the “animals” that Team RWBYJNR is very protective of. I’m waiting for them to do something that messes with the Staff—Ruby reaching for it in the opening—Atlas crashes down on a whole city of exploited minorities, and then Ironwood is blamed for it somehow. Can’t wait for that episode.

So the group starts making their way there and hark! An Ozpin! I’m always thrilled to hear him, even if he’s treated just terribly by the show. Oscar is at the back of the group and comments that “It should not be this hard just getting people to cooperate.” Except… they are cooperating? Oscar, you are watching them cooperate right in front of you. That one woman might grumble a bit, but she hasn’t made a move or said a word about not doing what you say. Where did this complaint come from? Another example of RWBY insisting something is there when it simply isn’t. More importantly, Ozpin responds:

“And yet, it’s becoming something I’m increasingly concerned about.”

“You know, I really don’t need your additional comments right now.”

Then why did you comment out loud, Oscar? What, do you normally talk to yourself like that? You were clearly speaking to Ozpin! Don’t criticize him for responding. I hate traps like that.

Ozpin immediately says that Oscar has every right to be upset and apologizes for leaving… it’s not apologizing for his entire existence like I wrote on the bingo board, but it’s close. Who’s surprised that Ozpin is the first to offer (another) apology? Not me. Oscar corrects him with, “I’m upset you came back!”

Okay. Here’s the thing. I like the idea of Oscar rejecting Ozpin both because he’s taken over his life and because Oscar has suffered horribly due to Ozpin’s presence (punched, slammed into walls, kidnapping attempts, etc.) That makes sense, it’s actually morally complex, and it’s great groundwork for character growth. The only problem is… this came out of nowhere. Oscar was shown accepting this new life when he left the farm. Then again when he insisted on fighting Hazel. Then again all the times he’s been told he’s acting like Ozpin and seems to accept that just fine. He’s clearly pleased with this new badass self he’s got going on—he even says as much—yet doesn’t want to acknowledge Ozpin as the catalyst for all this positive change. Okay, that’s something we could still work through, but what about the group? Fans are already theorizing that this is why Oscar is keeping Ozpin a secret, because he’s scared of how the group will react, punishing him to get at Ozpin again, and though he 100% has reasons for thinking that will happen, Oscar hasn’t shown that fear before now. Qrow punches him? Bonding moment with Ruby. Jaune attacks him? I made you all dinner. They all smile over his inevitable death/disappearance? He smiles back. Yang is the most scream-y? Happy to have her using him as an armrest. The group continually ignores him and treats him with suspicion? Not a peep of protest. It’s horrifying that Oscar accepted how the group previously treated him, but he did accept it. Where did this fear come from if we haven’t seen it in response to the harm done towards him? Just as importantly, can’t we have an arc where Oscar is mad at the team some too? I’ll admit that the general premise of blaming Ozpin makes sense for the traumatized fourteen-year old, but after two years of blaming Ozpin for everything… aren’t we sick of this? His team has actively hurt him, outside of Ozpin’s ability to prevent, yet Ozpin is the one who takes all the heat for their behavior. “I felt like I was actually part of the team” should lead to the realization of, “Hey, Yang shouldn’t yell at both of us for things outside of our control” not, “Hey, you should stay away forever because others have decided they don’t like you.”

All of this following Ozpin saving Oscar’s life in the airship. Then saving his life again after Ironwood shot him. Our heroes are real grateful, huh. I hate that RWBY is taking another fave and doing them dirty, though I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. 

Ozpin also mentions his magic—would be nice if Oscar brought that up with the team!—and that he is now “recollecting my longest held memories.” He…is? When? Don’t you think that’s something important to show us? We keep being told that “the merge” is occurring but not shown what that actually means. Seriously, when did Oscar get slammed with that many memories??

Please just use the aura machine and give Ozpin a robot body. RT doesn’t have the chops for writing this situation.

As they continue on towards the crater Ren snaps at Jaune about not needing a “pep talk.” Jaune looks annoyed at the attitude which, fair. It says a lot about the writing the last few years that Jaune is the character I’m least frustrated with lol. Likely because they haven’t had him do anything lately which, given that he’s not one of the title characters and our cast is bloated enough as it is, I’m still totally fine with.

Ozpin concludes the scene with, “We need to find a way to work together. Not just the two of us, all of us” with the camera panning up to look at Atlas. I’m glad someone isn’t ready to throw Ironwood under the bus. Given how the group reacted to him sparing Lionheart’s name though, I don’t think they’ll follow Ozpin in his forgiveness. If anything, I expect this perspective to just be more hate fuel.  

We move to Ruby’s group which now includes May. Woohoo! She still hasn’t gotten half the screen time as Joanna, but I’m really glad she’s here. In fact, between a useful semblance and that adorable courtesy, I love her already. Despite, you know, helping the team break into the base and all that. Everyone has their flaws lol.  

She also frames the Amity plan as getting the world “talking again.” Why is everything presented like a fun romp rather than avoiding death via Salem? Absolutely terrible tone this episode.

The group hilariously waltzes past a sign labeled AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY and enters the dust facility with the bots I mentioned earlier. This I do like. My hypothetical scenario incorporating the racism issue aside, I like that Weiss is using her knowledge and connections to further the mission, rather than something conveniently dropping into the group’s lap. Like Amity suddenly being ready for launch…So yeah, it makes sense that Weiss would know of a potential way in.  

Sending someone up through the tubes though? Ehhh… I know they have aura and everything—and that Zwei was once mailed—but are we sure this is safe?? Doesn’t matter because Nora sends Weiss through with a misplaced button press. Good thing that was the tube heading to the base. Too bad Weiss is heading to a guarded military base alone. It should have been May going first with her semblance activated, but no. Chuck this onto the ever increasing ‘Bad Tone’ pile. There should not be giggles over Weiss being in that level of danger, especially with everything else going on. Ruby’s expression is the only one on point.

Before Weiss is yeeted off though, Penny and Ruby have a talk wherein Ruby lies her ass off. Penny says, “I do not like it when friends fight” and when Ruby starts talking about Yang she corrects her, revealing that she’s actually thinking about Winter and Ironwood. “They were our friends.”

I was ready to sing Penny’s praises and really, she still gets credit for being the only one who has acknowledged this, but her opinion is (once again) overridden by Ruby’s. Penny goes, “but then the Ace Ops attacked you” which Ruby doesn’t bother to correct. How would Penny know otherwise? The only information she has about that battle is what Ruby has told her, but Ruby is lying via omission here. The Ace Ops never attacked her. They very explicitly refused to start a fight. Ruby attacked them. Then when Penny is upset that Ironwood said “people were going to die because of me,” Ruby takes her by the shoulders and angrily insists, “That was a lie and he was only saying it to hurt you.”

Ruby… you’re the one lying. You know damn well Ironwood didn’t just say that to hurt Penny. Oh yeah, the general trying to keep a kingdom alive from an immortal witch is preoccupied with hurting Penny’s feelings for no reason other than being evil. That makes sense. More importantly, Ironwood is right. Look, I’m by no means blaming Penny for anything. She fought off Cinder, took the power when there was no other choice, and has now gotten caught up in Ruby’s plans which include incredibly misleading information that Penny has no reason to question. She’s doing her best and deserves that hug. But that doesn’t mean she lacks responsibility here. Ironwood needs Penny to evacuate. Penny—listening to Ruby—won’t help him. Ergo, if something happens to the people up in Atlas Penny will be partly responsible. If I have the key to a door with lots of people trapped behind it as a fire rages, and I refuse to open that door, I have indeed allowed a lot of people to die. As Penny says, she didn’t want this responsibility… but she has it. She has to deal with it. Too bad she’s with Ruby who encourages her to ignore it instead, insisting that nothing bad that happens after their choices could in any way be connected to them. Kind of like Qrow ignoring his own actions against Clover.

Because that’s the takeaway from this scene. Penny had empathy for their friends and then Ruby talked her out of it. She never even acknowledges that those were indeed seven friends that she betrayed. That’s horrible.

What happened to Ruby? I used to love this girl.

Continuing our tone issue, Nora is watching this show like her favorite soap is on. Okay then.

Weiss goes up the tube and then we cut to Fiona saying that… the Mantle police are helping them evacuate? So the military is bad, but the police are good? I need to stop trying to make sense of RWBY’s allegory.

When Yang and the others return Fiona makes an innocent comment about being worried about how they’d fare without the rest of their team. Yang is pissed.

Ah, so we’re back to her giving allies attitude for random observations. Remember the anger at Marrow for suggesting she and Blake try different team-ups? Now here Yang is, in a different team-up, doing quite well. Funny how we never acknowledge who first suggested that. Now, Fiona reveals a totally logical worry that losing four fighters might make a difference when fending off grimm, but Yang is poised to be angry at everyone, about everything, all the time. Which I get is something that a lot of fans like. I’ve already seen a couple of posts praising RT for letting Robyn and Yang be angry without consequences because women often can’t do that and, fair. That is indeed one way to read it. My problem is that their anger is actually irrational, not just called as much because we women are ~emotional~. Their anger isn’t justified: Robyn because she had a significant hand in all this nonsense (that she’s ignoring) and Yang because it’s clear Fiona means no harm here. This is anger that needs to be called out, not ignored because yay women expressing emotion. That kind of defense is reserved for a woman’s justified anger that needs to be expressed without criticism, especially in a narrative that tries to undermine her perspective. But what has Fiona done to Yang? Nothing. More importantly, the show has yet to teach Yang a better coping mechanism than lashing out at people, be it with her fists, words, or angry glares. Yang has been through the ringer and it makes sense that she’s angry, but that doesn’t mean she gets a lifelong pass to treat those around her badly. 

Anyway, Joanna says they have a lot of people to keep warm even though the crater was supposed to be warmer? And they’re stealing dust? So what are they using it for it not heat? We’re not seeing any difference here and frankly all the civilians should be dead by now. Or at least entering hypothermia. (Give me that conflict: how do you keep people safe when they’re not all conveniently up for walking all the way to the slums?) Joanna also says that they’re trying to get the “Old mine shafts into a livable condition” which would take how long exactly? In fact, I’d say our timeline is already wonky. We’ve watched Yang hide the Ace Ops last Volume, fly to Winter and Penny, find the Happy Huntresses, wait around for Oscar to show up, ran off on her own at some point to scout, went to get bikes, evacuated all those people to the (far away) slums, then went back out to fight off the grimm. That had to have taken up a good chunk of the night, though it’s impossible to tell the time with Atlas’ snowy sky. I’m leaning towards a bingo mark though…

The faunus who I thought was a badger or something is… a bear I guess? He has a bear-like paw, but his nails seem too long… I honestly don’t know. But he’s Fiona’s uncle! Cute. She's off to deal with a fight that’s starting while the group goes to fight more grimm. Finally, the episode gets good.

The teamwork to take out the dragon grimm was nice, always glad to see it, but the real fight starts when two more grunts show up and then immediately run away. What could have scared them off?

The Hound. (I’m sorry, all I can think of is Game of Thrones when I write that, but it seems to be the name the fandom is adopting, so…) Remember how I said it was unlikely to be a threat on its own? I WAS WRONG. Holy shit this thing is terrifying. It snatches Oscar and in some wonderfully quick animation absolutely obliterates the kid. Oscar is thrown around like a chew toy, desperately trying to rabbit kick at this thing and it does [checks notes] absolutely nothing. I’d normally say something about our farm boy always getting the shit kicked out of him, but this scene was too good for my salt.

Then it changes shape, growing arms, and starts using Oscar as a shield. Yang can’t pull back in time and is snagged by her head, the Hound tossing her into the wall hard enough to break the stone. She’s still conscious though and warns the others about its strategy.

“But grimm aren’t that smart,” Jaune says. Maybe if you kids (Fiona keeps calling them kids) had stayed in school you would have learned that grimm get smarter with age! Oobleck knew that. Or, just as likely, this is a special Salem grimm. Hard to say at this point.

The point though is that the group is helpless in the face of this monster. I do want to emphasize this. I’ve seen a few people criticizing them for not doing enough to save Oscar and it’s like, what did you want them to do? Yang tried to attack and the grimm nearly had her hitting Oscar instead. Ren tried to attack and the grimm changed so fast his weapon was useless. Factor in that morphing—which the group has never seen before—the horror of Oscar hanging there limp, and the general fighter response of, ‘I can’t just keep attacking head on because that thing might kill me,’ and you realize the group was screwed from the start. They can’t stand up against this thing, not without a good strategy anyway, which there’s no time to think up. For the first time in years, ever since Tyrian, Salem actually made the right, villainous call.

Ren screams, “Give him back!”—which was just lovely in an angsty way—and the grimm creepily cuddles Oscar against his chest. Then he responds, “No.” Yeah, they’ve never seen that before either. Can you blame them for their shock? I’m impressed that they were on their bikes just seconds later, managing to keep the grimm in sight. That speaks to their combat experience. Not the ability to power through a situation where they’re clearly outmatched, but their ability to pick themselves back up and try again.

... Ah, so that’s why Pietro was oh so randomly making them bikes. The plot needed a way for them to keep up with a flying grimm. Got it.

My takeaway? RT should be writing horror. They’re far better at it. The animation, sound effects, voice acting, the grimm’s speech and protective instincts, that splatter of goo on Oscar’s cheek… 

... stellar all around. Like the Apathy, this is the best I think RWBY has been since the lore episode of Volume 6. Granted, action sequences like this aren’t required to grapple with any of the messy morals and character consistency of other scenes, but still. If RWBY had just given me a lighthearted ‘Girls fight cartoon monsters’ show or a horror fueled ‘Girls fight monster abominations’ show, I’d have been happy. This? This is the only redeeming part of the episode. And it’s indeed one hell of a redemption. Look at this thing!

I’m not going to say it erases all the bad we got—it doesn’t—or that it likewise erases problems like Salem not using the rest of her army, but it’s a notable step in the right direction. This grimm is a threat. This grimm is a mountain the cast has to overcome. If this is the minion its master should be Everest. I still think this Volume is going down the tubes fast (it’s going the way of Weiss lol), but if it can give me more scenes like this? It might not be a total loss.

Last thing to acknowledge: What about Ozpin? I’ll admit it doesn’t look good. Given how fast he takes control he should have been able to override Oscar’s will and at least fight back a little with that spectacular magic we saw during the finale. So why didn’t he? I hope we get an in-world explanation: it happened so fast even Ozpin couldn’t do anything (shaky, but I’ll take it in a pinch), now that the merge is farther along he can no longer take control—something. Because I can easily imagine how quickly the fandom, and even the cast, will turn on him for not playing deus ex machina here. In reality, I think Ozpin didn’t take control simply because the plot needed him not to. The writers needed Oscar kidnapped so any potential out from that is conveniently forgotten… which is another knock against their writing, despite how great the scene otherwise was. The point is to take all these potential pushbacks and find a satisfying way to circumvent them, not pretend they don’t exist. RT can still save themselves here by providing that explanation later, so I hope they’re smart enough to do that. Ozpin has been blamed for everything at this point. His own kidnapping doesn’t need to be added to the list.

Also, still no word on Schrödinger's councilman. We’ve got to wait another week to see whether he’s dead or not.

Finally, let’s update the bingo card!

I’m crossing off “Ruby gives an ‘inspiring’ speech built on ignoring facts she doesn’t like” for that conversation with Penny. Yeah, it’s a speech to her alone about her worth, but Ruby mischaracterized the situation so badly I’m mad at her lol

I never thought the story would straight up just not have the grimm army attacking, so I think I’ll hold off on “Army of grimm conveniently doesn’t kill any civilians” until we see if/when it gets involved.

I’ll likewise hold off on the timeline slot until we see how bad things get…

Maria is on thin ice given that we have no idea what she’s supposedly doing while the group is off on their missions. Stay tuned.

Today we’re crossing off “Deadly cold conveniently doesn’t kill any civilians.” They should all be dropping like flies by now.

A friend pointed out that Cinder’s Cinderella flashback counts as an “Overly obvious fairy tale allusion.” In fact, I talked about how much of a shorthand that is, so that’s getting a mark.

From last week I’ve also decided to include Amity for “Retconning previous lore.” Now that the group is fully underway with their plan it reads as even more egregious that we were told it wasn’t ready.

I’ll hold off on Ozpin’s space for a while. See if he apologizes to the whole group and, if so, exactly what for.

“Oscar is finally kidnapped”—check!

Well, that’s a whole lot of headway this week. Can’t wait to see where the next episode takes us... Here’s hoping we spend a lot of time with that Hound. MVP of the episode.

Until next time! 💜

[Ko-Fi]

[shanie-the-toyaddict]

I would like to hear your Zowens headcanons and I will in turn share a few of mine with you.

WHEEEEEE

Ok, so I posted a list a couple weeks back that contained most of mine but I have added a few more in here in the meantime.

So, combined from that list and the new one, here goes...

Headcanons behind cut.

it’s a fine line between love and hate and they’ve been tap dancing on that line for so long it’s been trampled to oblivion

Kevin likes to think he doesn't need Sami in his life and that he would be just fine without him. He especially likes to forcefully repress all memories of the time between Sami's call-up and his own when he was proven painfully wrong.

Sami is loyal to a bloody fault and it’s why he keeps coming back for more.

Kevin is a huge grump. He has always been a grump and he will always be a grump even when he's trying to be nice. The only time he isn’t a grump is when Sami manages to chip away at his shell long enough to let Kev’s heart pour out and, when it does, it only pours out onto Sami.

The exception to this rule is when his heart is pouring out about Sami which is what led to heartfelt promos about missing his best friend and regretting his life choices.

As mithen put it, “Unbridled Obsession”. Fight Forever is in reference to exclusively THEM. Nobody else has or will ever matter.

The sheer magnitude of cosmic OOMPH surrounding them… I once described them as “A yin and yang yo-yo, spinning around each other endlessly while oscillating back and forth between friend and foe and being controlled by the red string of fate.”

Kevin struggles endlessly with his feelings about Sami. His brain and his heart can never seem to agree on where they stand but, in the end, his heart always wins be it for better or worse.

Meanwhile, Sami figured this shit out ages ago and lives in eternal wait for his better half to get it together. This is, again, why he always comes back.

The reason Sami has it figured out was because, despite his better judgement, he fell in love with Kevin almost immediately and decided he would wait as long as it took for Kevin to come around. He's still waiting and, even with his recent turn for the crazy, there's a part of him that he's tried so damn hard to destroy (and failed) that's still waiting.

However, despite figuring out his own feelings and wanting Kevin to reciprocate, Sami is damn near clueless when it comes to receiving the signals from Kevin about it. When the day comes that Sami figures out that Kevin does indeed love him back it will have involved a bullhorn, three billboards, half a dozen hallmark cards, a shouting match, bite marks, a punch in the face, copious amounts of aggressive kissing, and possibly a marriage proposal.

If cheap motel rooms had mouths, our guys would have filed a TON of NDAs by this point. What happens on the road, stays on the road.

That said, if said walls did have mouths and word got out, both Sami and Kevin would claim it meant nothing and was just a product of too much free testosterone and adrenaline in a small space (with only one bed).

They would both be lying.

You always hurt the one you love. [gestures at that recent backstage photograph of Sami’s back]

“I Love You” has no meaning at this point. They’ve said it so many times it’s just part of the script. “J'taime” on the other hand...

The aggressive cheek kissing was a compromise with Vince that replaced Kevin's desired lip locking. Little does Vince know that lip locking is second on their list of "romantic gestures" and that touching foreheads is infinitely more intimate to them.

On a related note, It’s not biting it’s a possessive kiss with teeth and it's number three on the list.

Kevin, for all his grumpiness, looks like an angel while he sleeps.

Sami, meanwhile, looks like an idiot and Kevin finds it both endearing and hilarious and has a ton of photos on his phone which he’s assured Sami he’s deleted (but hasn’t).

The shared selfies we've seen of Happy!Keven and Confused!Sami are just a small sample of the ones he's taken. It's one of Kevin's favorite pastimes to snap photos of Sami off guard and it pisses Sami off to no end. (Kevin doesn't care, he still has them all saved multiple places on his phone and cloud storage, to prevent Sami from breaking into his phone and deleting them.)

Speaking of breaking into phones, they've both given up on device security between the two of them. It doesn't matter what they change their passwords or swipe-locks to, they know each other too damn well for it to work. They've just come to an agreement to respect each others stuff as much as possible.

"As much as possible" does not include refraining from going on each other's social media accounts and going on blocking sprees.

Kevin did indeed stun L*gan P*ul because he hurt Sami and would do so again a million times if he had the chance. Nobody does that to Sami Zayn.

Nobody except Kevin Owens, of course.

Both men have foul mouths but for Kevin, it’s just words. He weaves cuss words in and out of his sentences like friggin punctuation marks. The only time they mean anything is when he gets into the sacre.

Sami, meanwhile, tends to go more for exclamations. He doesn’t pepper his speech with swearwords but, when he’s excited, he’ll go for the biguns in a heartbeat (see his MFER cry over his IC Title Win)

Sami has a penchant for petnames and nicknames. He's been known to full-name Kevin when he's pissed and when he is most angry, he doesn't bother using a name at all. Meanwhile, When Kevin is feeling kind towards Sami, he has a similar thing going on but it usually just involves spewing insults (that may or may not be meant affectionately).

Re: Above - “Idiot (affectionate)”, “Shithead (romantic)”, “Dumbass (soulmate)” and so on.

Kevin Owens has learned to appreciate a good Gyro for the sole purpose that it’s about the only thing he can stand on the menu of the Greek Cafés Sami always used to drag him too.

Kevin is a burger addict. One of the easiest ways to gain his affection is gifting him with a perfectly cooked bacon cheesburger.

One time, one dark, DARK day, he let Sami get the food from the burger joint. He was horrified to discover (immediately, upon the first bite) that Sami had gotten him an impossible burger to try and convince him they tasted the same. Kevin was not happy at ALL and Sami was forced to clean up the mess in the car while Kevin went and got a real cheesburger.

One of the biggest reasons they have remained close for so long is that, long ago, they both decided that the car radio remains OFF. Anything else leads to screaming matches and possibly auto accidents.

If those ridiculous Hallmark movies my mom watches are correct and there is such a thing as a Godwink, then the Montreal Screwjob was God winking so damn hard he nearly blinded himself in one eye.

Kevin secretly loves both Sami’s long hair and his dancing but the world will end before he ever admits either.

Similarly, Sami finds it adorable how Kevin's beard is starting to turn grey but knows better than to say word one about it.

Both men are bi but Kevin is way, WAY more bi than Sami. Like, Sami is straight with a side of Kevinsexual. Kevin is much more… open in his attractions; his heart belongs to Sami but he has never been afraid to mess around with other men as well.

Due to Sami's otherwise straight nature, he's managed to do a really good job lately of convincing himself that he never cared about Kevin in the first place and that his hatred is well placed... you know, like a liar.

Kevin Owens Steen is too violent for his own good. Violence is his primary means of communication and it's how he expresses himself in all things. This is a big reason that he is so hurtful towards Sami, even when he is trying to help him. He doesn't know anything else. There is a reason so many of his kisses come with teeth (as mentioned above).

This is also why... um... er... in the times where they did hook up, Kevin was the one in control. He would never willingly let Sami pin him in the ring why the hell would he let Sami pin him... uh... elsewhere.

That said, if there were anyone who Kevin would be open to a change in position with, it would be Sami. As long as Sami knows full well who's driving the car, Kevin's up for relinquishing control of the radio for a night.

Overall, Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn are both the best and worst things to happen to each other. The best because, for better or for worse, they drive each other to put their all in everything. They bring out the star in each other time and time again and neither one of them would have ever made it to the stage without the other.

They are the worst thing to happen to each other because... well, have you MET them? Enough said.

Sorry this list is so long. I have a ton of thoughts about these two and if I don't wrap this up now, the list will only get longer.

[all-the-love-harold]

Chapter 4 - Just Trying to Remember How it Feels to Have a Heartbeat

Master Post 

 *You might need some tissues for this one* 

January 21st 2020 - 6 weeks 

Poppy lay on her back on the examination table in her OB’s office, her heart pounding faster than it ever had before. Harry sat her to her, his hands holding on tightly to hers, just as nervous as she was. “The Styles are back!” Julie, the same midwife they had with Oli, said as she walked into the room . Harry and Poppy smiled weakly through their nerves. Julie sat down on the stool next to Poppy “How are we feeling dear? You look nervous..”

She let out a breathy laugh, “That obvious is it?” 

“Well, yes but  I don’t want you to be OK?  You’re  only 6 weeks along, so  I doubt we’ll be able to hear a heartbeat -  this machine’s not that good, but we’ll be able to see it and make sure that baby is doing what they should be for now. ”Poppy nodded and squeezed Harry’s hand. He kissed her forehead gently, sending up a silent prayer that everything would be alright.

“Alright”, Julie smiled at the tender moment between the couple, “Let’s get started, shall we?” 

She turned on the machine and slipped on a pair of gloves. This was going to be an internal ultrasound, which meant that when Julie had everything ready, Poppy put her legs up in the stirrups and Harry held onto her hand even tighter than he had been before. It was uncomfortable but not painful, just like having a pap smear.

 Minutes passed and Julie didn’t say a word. The room  rang with an eerie silence. The only sound was that of Julie pressing buttons on the machine. “Is everything OK?” Harry broke the silence, only daring to whisper lest speaking any louder shatter the slipping illusion that there was nothing to worry about and their baby was healthy.

“You said you were six weeks?” Julie asked Poppy, studiously ignoring Harry’s question. “Just over,” Poppy nodded, wishing away the sudden burning of tears behind her eyes. Don’t say it. Don’t say. It. Don’t say it. Please. Julie turned away from the screen, letting out a soft breath. “Baby’s a bit smaller than we’d expect,” she turned to the screen and pointed to a tiny white splodge to the right of the screen. “This is your baby here, by this stage we should be able to make out the vague shape, it usually looks a little like a peanut.” 

Poppy’s eyes lost focus and she tuned out of the conversation. All she could think about was the walls. How they were closing in on her. They were so white. She’d never noticed before but it made the room dull. There was no character to it. The room was lifeless. “...I’m so sorry Poppy. But your baby doesn’t have a heartbeat.” Julie put  her hand on Poppy’s shoulder, “I’ll give you two a moment and I’ll bring Dr Marshall back to discuss what happens next.” She turned and walked out of the room. Tears were already streaming down Harry’s cheeks but as soon as the door closed, he stood and helped Poppy to sit up so that she could bury her head in his chest. Right then, her whole body crumbled into a thousand tiny pieces, only held together by Harry’s arms. She sobbed. Louder than she thought possible and eventually when there were no more tears left in her eyes, she lifted her head away from Harry’s chest and whispered 

“I’m sorry, H.” ”He shook his head, before the words were even fully out of her mouth,  “You have nothing to be sorry for Pop. We can try again,” he placed a kiss on her forehead. “But not until you’re ready” 

A knock came on the door and Dr Marshall walked into the room, a sympathetic look on her face. “I’m so sorry,” she said, putting her hand on Poppy’s shoulder, just like Julie had “This is the conversation I’m sure you’ve been dreading, but I want you to know what’s going to happen to your body now…”

Poppy was numb and she could only just focus on what her doctor was saying. “In the next few days, you’ll start bleeding and you’ll experience pain similar to early labour pains. The best case scenario is that you pass the fetus, but it’s not uncommon to need a little help. We’ll make you an appointment for three weeks from now to make sure everything’s all clear. After that you can start trying again.” She was robotic in the way she was talking, just reciting the facts. Detached. Poppy guessed that she had to be if this was a conversation that she had almost daily and wanted her heart to still be intact at the end of it.“I’ll put you in contact with our counsellors too. This isn’t an easy time for either of you, and if you have any questions just give us a call.” 

Harry and Poppy both nodded unable to form words. “You can stay here for as long as you need. Take your time,” she smiled sympathetically and walked out of the room. 

“I’ll call Jeff when we get home” Harry said after a few minutes of silence ‘Cancel the next few weeks of promo.” Poppy wanted to say no. She didn’t want him to disappoint millions of people. But she needed Harry to stay with her. To make everything ok again. 

“Thank you, she whispered. He kissed her hand “Should we go home?” “Yeah,” she nodded and swung her legs off table slowly. “Can you pass my pants?” 

Harry let out a soft giggle “You might need those,” he grabbed them off the stool and handed them to her. Poppy got dressed and they left the room, hand in hand, trying to hide the tears. Both of them stayed silent. Harry didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t help but think that this was all his fault, that if he didn’t want to have a baby of his own than they wouldn’t be here right now. 

“What do you want to do Pop?” Harry asked, closing the door to the car behind him.

“What do you mean?” 

“Do you want me to take you straight home? Do you want to go and pick Oli up?” 

Poppy stared blankly out the window and rested her head on her hand “I don’t want to see anyone H. I don’t want to have to tell anyone.” 

“OK,” he nodded. “That’s OK, Pop. I’ll text Gem and I’ll go pick him up before dinner time.” 

“Thank you,” Poppy continued looking out the window. 

Harry took his phone out of his pocket and sent Gemma a message. “Baby has no heartbeat. Can you have Oli for a few more hours?” 

“I’m so sorry H. I can have him for as long as you need. Call me if I can do anything xx” 

***

The house was cold and dark as they walked in, but Poppy didn’t really care. Her whole body was numb, she knew that Harry’s hand was on her shoulder because she could see it, but she couldn’t feel it. 

“Where do you want to go Pop?” Harry asked, voice laced with both sadness and concern 

He was met with silence, Poppy didn’t know where she wanted to go or what she wanted to do, all she knew was that she’d lost her baby and she wanted it back. “Let’s go into the kitchen, I’ll make us some tea,” Harry sighed. 

He led the way, never letting go of Poppy’s hand. They both knew that this probably going to happen, but they weren’t prepared for how they would feel when it did. 

The kettle boiled in a room filled with silence. Neither Harry or Poppy really knew what to say next. How could they say anything really? Just as the water was boiled, Poppy’s phone started to ring obnoxiously from her bag. It was Addie, who had been out at job interviews all morning and probably wanted to know how the scan went. Poppy didn’t know if she should answer, she didn’t know if she’d be able to say anything if she did. Harry took the hint from Poppy’s blank stares at her phone and picked it up himself, walking away from the kitchen as he did. 

“Hi Addie,” He said into the phone in a hushed tone

“Oh, she said at the other end. “Hi Harry, where’s Poppy? Is everything OK?” 

“She’s in the kitchen”, Harry took a deep breath “We lost the baby” his voice broke as the words came out of his mouth and he tried to hold back the tears. 

Addie was stunned, she didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry” was all that she could manage 

“Me too,” Harry responded. “Everything OK with you?” he asked changing the subject in the hopes that he wouldn’t start crying. “I was just going to ask which tube to get on to get home again, but if you guys need some time, I can stay out a little longer...” 

“No, no, you can come home whenever you like Addie, do you want a lift?” 

“I can get on a train,” Addie said sympathetically, “I just don’t know which one.”

“I’m afraid I’m not much help there, it’s been a while since I’ve been on the tube.” 

“That’s why I called Poppy” Addie laughed nervously. “I’ll go ask her.”

“Thanks,” Addie said “Can I get anything while I’m out? Dinner maybe?” 

Harry thought for a moment. “You could get Oli for us?” he asked on a whim, desperate to be off the phone and be with Poppy again. 

“Um, yeah” Addie hesitated a little. “Yeah… I could do that. He’s at Gemma’s right?”

“Yeah. Gem already knows what's going on, I’ll send her a message to let her know you’re coming.” 

“Thanks, and I know how to get there, so no need to bother Pop about it. Give her a hug for me will you?” 

“Of course” Harry nodded 

“I’ll spend some time with Gems and then come home, give you guys some time.” 

“Thanks Addie, I’ll see you later” 

Harry returned to the kitchen to find Poppy crying over her cup of tea. He didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything that he could say. He simply wrapped his arms around her and let her cry. Each sob ripped his heart in two. How is it that a few hours ago they were filled with joy and hope and now they were broken people that would never be the same again? They stood there for what felt like hours, neither of them said a word, and neither of them tried to break the hug. They just stood, until Poppy couldn’t anymore. 

*** 

The next few days were the worst of Poppy’s life. The bleeding started two days after their appointment and the pain that came with it  was worse than she had expected. She couldn’t get out of bed and she didn’t want to either. She could be alone with her grief there. Everyone around them was doing their best to help out. Addie stepped up and took care of Oli, Gemma brought meals over for them and Anne made the trip back down to London to be there with them. And as much as she appreciated all the support, Poppy found it a little overwhelming. 

The strange thing about the whole experience was how much Poppy wanted her mum through it all. Anne, who had been a mother to Poppy since she moved to London seven years ago, was by her side like she always had been, but it just wasn’t the same. Addie was the only one that really understood how Poppy was feeling in that regard. 

They were sitting together in the garden one day when that became clear to Poppy.“I know she’s awful and everything,” Addie said breaking the silence as Poppy sipped her tea “But I really miss Mum,” she sighed .

“Me too,” Poppy added. “I thought I’d never say that again after what happened at Christmas but after losing the baby I kinda get it.”

“Get what?” Addie asked curiously

“Mum,” Poppy said simply “all of her kids just up and left as soon as they could and now she’s left with nothing and I know that doesn’t make her behaviour ok, but I kinda feel for her.”

“We all feel for her, and I miss her like crazy but that doesn’t make me want to go back there!”

“I always thought I would when I had kids,” Poppy said truthfully “But when I found out I was having Ol,i the first thing I wanted to do was make London a home for him but when I found out that I lost this little one, she was the first person I wanted to tell…”

“She’s the first person I want to tell everything” Addie sighed “But she never reacts the way I expect her to and we just get mad at each other”

“That’s why I moved, we used to fight all the time and not over stupid things that most mothers fight with their daughters about, but things that she shouldn’t have been mad about, like me leaving the house” 

“I remember how mad she was when you left” Addie said “she barely said a word to anyone for weeks without snapping”

“I haven’t told her about the miscarriage” Poppy said softly “She’ll probably try and blame me for it” 

“You know it’s not your fault right?” Addie put her hand on Poppy’s knee as she spoke 

“I do” Poppy nodded, staring blankly into space “But sometimes it feels like it. Like if my uterus was the right size and shape it wouldn’t have happened” 

“People with perfectly normal uteruses have miscarriages all the time Pop”

“I know, it’s just one of those things, I can’t help but blame myself” 

“If anything, it’s Mum’s fault” Addie said lightly trying to change the tone of the conversation “For giving birth to you with a weird uterus” 

Poppy giggled “Yeah” she sighed “Let’s go with that”

“Is it bad that I don’t really want to speak to her again?” Addie asked, changing the tone of the conversation once again 

“No” Poppy shook her head, “I don’t either, neither does Kai”

“Kai hasn’t for years” Addie admitted 

“Since he met Liv, and Mum got jealous” 

“There seems to be a running theme here” 

Poppy nodded “This might sound horrible, but for Oli and any other kids that I might have, I don’t want her around, I don’t want them to feel that resentment that she has for them”

“Oli has Anne, who he adores, he’ll be more than fine without mum” 

“I know” Poppy sighed “We’re lucky to have Anne” 

***

January 27th, 2020 

The Baby was gone and Poppy was numb. She didn’t know that she would ever feel the same again but as much as she wanted the world to stop for her to grieve, it didn’t, life went on like normal. Like the baby was never there. But her body kept reminding her that it was. She was still bleeding and cramping but getting on with her life as if nothing ever happened. 

It was a Monday morning and her alarm went off at 6am, like it always did, despite the fact that she’s been lying awake for the last two hours thinking about what today was going to bring. She turned the alarm off quickly so that it didn’t wake Harry and rolled out of bed onto her feet. The cold January air hit her like a tonne of bricks as she made her way to the bathroom where she quickly turned to hot water in the shower on so it could warm while she undressed. She stepped into the shower, letting the water wash over her, warming her from the outside in. Her eyes closed and she was met with the image of the ultrasound, the one that should have shown their baby for the first time, but instead showed an almost empty uterus. No baby. No heartbeat. 

A knock on the door followed by Harry’s voice brought Poppy back to reality 

“Can I come in Pop?” he asked, already opening the door

“Yeah” she responded softly as she searched for her shampoo bottle 

“Morning” He half smiled as he walked in “Everything ok? You’ve been in here for a while?”

Poppy nodded “Just thinking about the baby” 

Harry ran his fingers through his hair “We’ll be able to try again soon,” he sighed “I know that doesn’t make it better though”

Poppy shook her head and stared straight at the wall. She knew if she looked at Harry she’d start crying and she didn’t want to do that. Especially not today. 

“Anyway” she said wiping her eyes and turning towards him “Today’s about Oli - and you” 

A smile appeared on Harry’s face “It is” he nodded “On that note, we’re running late, you mind if I jump in?” 

“Of course not” she said “You don’t really have to ask you know” 

Harry stripped his boxers off and in one swift motion threw them into the laundry hamper and hopped into the shower. Poppy took a step to the side so that Harry could stand under the flow of water. 

“You know I feel guilty about being excited for today” he admitted, tipping his head under the water, letting it wash down his back 

“Why?” Poppy said, pointing to the shampoo bottle that sat on the shower caddy just above his shoulder 

Harry grabbed it and handed it to her “Because we just lost the baby and it feels wrong to be excited to be a dad to a kid that’s been mine since the day he was born” 

“Miscarrainge sucks” Poppy said, massaging the shampoo into her scalp “But we get to be a family today, offically, and you’re allowed to be excited for that -conditioner- ” she pointed to the bottle next to the shampoo “I know I am”

Harry picked up the body wash and squirted it onto the loofah, sighing a little, “I’m excited, I just feel like there’s something missing” 

Poppy nodded, pushing Harry gently out of the flow of water so that she could wash the conditioner out of her hair “Maybe the miscarriage was my body telling me that this isn’t the rigt time, you’re going on tour for six months, I would have given birth while you were away”

“I would have made sure I was here for that” he admitted, although he hadn’t thought about he would have kept that promise. 

Poppy placed her hand on Harry’s shoulder “We’ll get a baby when the timing’s right H, today let’s just think about Oli, yeah?” 

“I want to take him out for ice cream after” Harry smiled, turning the water off 

“He’d like that” Poppy stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around herself, handing the other one to Harry as she began drying herself off. 

“Can I get him up this morning?” Harry said, strolling into their bedroom to find some clothes to put on. Poppy followed, taking a swift turn into her wardrobe. 

“Yeah” she called “I’ll make breakfast, what do you want?” 

“I’ll have what Oli’s having” 

“Porridge it is then” Poppy pulled her shirt over her head and tucked it into her business pants. She wanted to look professional, but not too professional. They were signing the papers that would make Harry’s adoption of Oli official. Since Danny hadn’t attempted to make any contact with them in the month since Oli turned two, the courts were happy to approve the adoption and finally make them a family and Poppy wanted to look the part. And so did Harry. Instead of going for usual high waisted pants and vintage t-shirt, he decided on a slim fitted trouser and knitted sweater. 

“Do I look like a Dad?” he asked Poppy as she walked out of her wardrobe 

“Yes” she giggled “You just need a puffer jacket and a coffee you’ll look like you’re ready for the school run with four kids”

“Perfect” he grinned, placing a kiss on Poppy’s forehead “You look stunning” he said before turning and leaving the room. It was even colder in the hallway than it had been in their bedroom and Harry made a mental note to himself to call the heating guy to get it fixed. But that was a problem for later. He twisted the handle on Oli’s bedroom door and found him still fast asleep in his big boy bed. 

“Oli” he whispered, “Oli it’s time to wake up” 

His eyes fluttered, but they weren't open yet. Harry sat down on the bed next to him and started to rub his back. 

“Mummy’s making you some porridge my little dude, how about we hop up and go toilet while we wait” 

Oli shook his head “No wees” he said, voice still laced with sleep 

“How about a cuddle and then wees?” Harry asked, opening his arms. 

Oli nodded and sat up, nestling himself in Harry’s chest and rubbing his eyes. Harry’s heart swelled. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to be a part of this little boys life in the way that he was and he couldn’t believe that the day had come when he got to officially be his dad. 

“Wees”Oli said, quickly breaking the hug and getting out of bed to run to the toilet. He was still potty training and wearing a night time nappy, but he was getting really good at going when he needed to. While he was in the bathroom, Harry picked out his clothes for the day, choosing a pair of jeans (with leggings underneath for warmth) a navy blue jumper with rainbows and a grey beanie with a navy bobble. 

“We’re putting your fancy pants on today my man” Harry said, holding the jeans up as oli walked back in the room, holding his pull up in his hand. 

“It’s dry dad” Oli handed him the nappy 

An excited expression appeared on Harry’s face “Good Job buddy!” he exclaimed, holding his hand up for a high five “four more of those and you won’t have to wear them to bed any more” 

Oli started jumping up and down with excitement “No more pullups!” he shouted. 

Harry laughed “Alright Ol, we’re going to be late if we don’t get these fancy pants on you soon” 

Oli got dressed as fast as he could with Harry’s help, even though he kept saying he didn’t need it. He even put his shoes on himself, Harry just didn’t have the heart to tell him they were on the wrong feet

“We’ll leave that one for Mummy” he whispered to himself as they walked out of the room. 

***

Nothing about a Lawyer’s office was fun, there wasn’t a single children’s toy in sight and Oli sighed in boredom while his parents talked to the man in the boring black suit behind the desk. He didn’t really know what they were talking about, there was a lot of mention of a man named Daniel Watts, but he didn’t know who that was. He didn’t sound very kind though.  Oli thought his parents looked really happy, which made him happy too, but again, he couldn’t really work out why sitting in this boring old office was making them smile like they were. He remembered that his dad had said something about ice cream in the car on the way here, but this didn’t look like an icecream shop. 

“If you just sign here, the whole thing will be over and you’ll be Oli’s dad” the boring man handed Harry a pen and an official looking form. 

“So Daniel won’t have any parental right after this?” Poppy asked whole Harry signed the form 

“No” the boring man shook his head “No he failed to contact the courts prior to Oliver’s second birthday, therefore forfeiting any parental rights” 

“What happens if he does contact the courts, or us?”  Harry handed the paper back to the lawyer 

“If he contacts you, you can take out a restraining order and if he contacts the courts, they will handle it”

“Good” They both nodded 

“Right, Mrs Styles, as his mother, I need you to sign here, saying that you believe your husband to be a fit parent”

Poppy took the pen and signed along the dotted line, heart beating out of her chest, in a good way. As the pen met the paper she couldn’t help but notice how ugly her signature was, which she knew was a weird thing to be thinking about in this moment. 

“Done” the lawyer said when she was finished “It’s official, you’re a family!” 

Harry stood up and shook the lawyers hand “Thank you” he said before turning to Poppy and wrapping his arms around her. 

“We did it Pop” he kissed her cheek and broke the hug so that he could pick Oli up. 

“You’re all mine now buddy” 

Oli still didn’t know what he meant by that, Harry had always been his dad, but he could tell that he was happy so he wrapped his arms around his neck and snuggled in. 

“Let’s go get some ice cream buddy” 

“Ice Cream!” Oli exclaimed.

[p1harmonyofficial]

[📰] A Day in the Life With P1Harmony, K-Pop's Most Optimistic Rookies: 'We Want to Be Artists'

By Jessica Oak

Over the past few months, P1Harmony unveiled their debut album Disharmony: Stand Out, premiered the box office movie P1Harmony: New World Begins with Amazon Music, and released an onslaught of rip-roaring dance videos. It's safe to say the new boy band has made both their incredible talent and their charm clear.

Billboard Korea was invited to join their packed, day-to-day activities to see how members Keeho, Jiung, Theo, Intak, Soul and Jongseob are navigating the fast lane to success and their infinite dreams.

As a quiet Sunday evening dawns on Seoul in the third week of November, Billboard Korea is greeted by the highly-energetic, freshly debuted K-pop group during a short break. In the midst of the seemingly endless hours that accompany K-pop star schedules -- especially those for new acts -- P1Harmony has just returned to their label headquarters from filming what would be their last televised performance of debut single “Siren” on music program SBS Inkigayo.

They’re all still in their customized stage outfits, now sipping smoothies and reviewing their recorded live performance on their managers' mobile devices before driving off to another scheduled appearance.

“I usually drink coffee, Americano with extra espresso shots, but I can use some sugar today,” Jiung, 19, says in his deep voice. His pleasant smile is seen through sips of an Oreo smoothie, the popular choice among the members (minus Keeho, who opted for chocolate, and Theo, who chose a strawberry flavor). “We definitely poured a lot of energy at Inkigayo.”

As seen on Inkigayo, the group’s collective ability to deliver pitch-perfect vocals through the intricate and hardcore choreography for “Siren” has been one of the key factors that led to early mainstream recognition.

With big puppy dog eyes and a lisp that occasionally slips in, Intak, 17 -- who is largely considered to be the main dancer of the group by fans, despite P1H saying they would rather not define each members’ roles -- further explains their efforts. “We are a little bit exhausted from putting in so much energy to our last performance," he says. "I think we all wanted to make a lasting impression and give our fans everything.”

Pointing to his shoes, the group's 19-year-old leader Keeho jokingly adds, “I think I danced too hard, my toe hurts!”

Keeho is Canadian-Korean, and is the most easygoing -- as well as the wittiest -- member of the group. His humor is unguarded, but his intentions are kind. His welcoming personality is often what seems to break the ice during interviews.

Youngest member Jongseob, 15, whose palpable maturity is both endearing and somewhat eerie, quietly adds that he, too, felt his moves were “much bigger and stronger” than usual. We later learn that behind his politeness, there is a super-talkative, introverted child prodigy with big ideas and a big smile.

Soon enough, the room inside FNC Entertainment headquarters starts bustling with staff members, which means it’s time to get ready for the next event. The group is rushed to get prepped and each member starts rotating into the makeup chair in an almost-robotic way, as a seasoned artist would, taking turns for their hair and foundation to be retouched.

“I have a big mosquito bite on the left side of my face,” Keeho reminds his two makeup artists, “Who gets bit by a mosquito during winter?” He turns to the group to laugh, “It is not a pimple, I promise!”

When asked if there are certain stage habits they've adopted since debut, Keeho quickly answers, “I make sure I have nothing in between or on my teeth and floss my teeth with a Q-tip so it doesn’t ruin my makeup.” Immediately, the whole room erupts in laughter. Keeho is clearly the funny one, but when you mention this to Keeho, he disagrees and says, “We all try to keep our moods up so we are constantly saying silly things. Theo is hilarious, too; he's just shy.”

Soon, P1Harmony heads to the Lotte Theater located in Jamsil, Seoul, where they have been coming for weeks to have small fan-meetings of less than 50 people due to COVID-19 social-distancing restrictions. They arrive just in time at 7:00 p.m. when the movie ends and, minutes later, are ushered into a crowd of overly excited fans -- all of whom are holding its gigantic cameras, ready to flash away.

They're holding these meetups at the movie theaters because P1Harmony is the first K-pop group to ever have released a feature film prior to their debut. The new and unconventional strategy, created by P1Harmony's management agency FNC Entertainment to help them stand out in a hyper-competitive industry, proved to be exceedingly effective. Not only did the full-length sci-fi movie help them gain traction in Korea thanks to co-stars that included some top names in entertainment, but it gave them the opportunity to be exposed on a global platform like Amazon Music when a 20-minute highlight version made its international debut.

Just a few feet from the front row of movie seats, the boys each take turns sharing their feelings about its promotional activities of “Siren” coming to end. They then do a short fan-focused skit (Jiung and Theo makes hearts and piggybacks each other upon fans requests randomly picked out from a box) and promise to come back with more music ASAP.

As a farewell gift, the boys go all out for a surprise performance of the Disharmony b-side track “Butterfly” and an encore performance of “Siren,” despite a less-than-ideal stage. Without any special lights or fancy backdrops, the narrow carpet strip between the first row of chairs and the movie screen was not the most flattering space for a boy-band performance, but turned out to be a supremely enjoyable moment of the night: P1Harmony's in-sync step coordination, balance control, spatial awareness and general collective optimism helped them manage through their gesture-heavy choreography (without anyone getting punched in the face) in what's a nearly impossible, vulnerable experience to see from any K-pop act.

Afterwards, Theo takes the mic, and asks the crowd their one last question: “Do you think we’ve improved since our first showcase?” The fans shriek, “YES!”

As we are walking to their cars, Jongseob says, “Soul is always wearing his ginormous skull rings -- he's a rockstar at heart -- and they usually end up hurting someone during our dance practices.” He's still out of breath and completely drenched in sweat. “But somehow, we managed to dodge getting hurt so I guess that was a success!”

Soul, the half-Japanese, half-Korean 15-year-old innocently looks up and nods. Soul rarely talks, but in his defense, it's not because “he doesn’t care,” but because he’s an “observer.” According to Soul, he gets more thrilled by watching his members having fun. Keeho confirms, “Soul is so protective of us; very loving and compromising.”

“It’s always so satisfying when we can perform in front of an actual audience, because we rarely get to meet our fans in person due to the current situation,” Theo, 19, shares while speaking up for the first time during this interview. “It is unfortunate that we don’t get to do it as much as we would like to, although we have live online meet-ups almost every week.”

Despite his shyness, Theo is more comfortable being in an intimate setting with his fans, while also trying to be more outgoing and giving -- his way of expressing his gratitude. While occasionally unreadable at times, Theo was one of the only members who consistently posed for the cameras throughout the one-hour fan session.

“Theo can come off the wrong way at first, kind of like Soul," explains group leader Keeho. "But once you get to know him, which takes some time, he is probably one of the more detail-oriented and caring members. He remembers what you said or what you like, and will have it ready for you when you’re least expecting it.”

On their car ride back to FNC, the boys are understandably exhausted, but no one is complaining or expecting to rest. Instead, they light up at the idea of dancing more. Since COVID-19 has limited most of what would normally make them busier with appearances and concerts, Jiung says they usually cap the night off by either going to dance practice or making online content. Tonight, they are going to practice.

While it's a typical K-pop rookie answer to say that their nights will be filled with rehearsing, our skepticism is proven wrong. Starting after dinner around 11:30 p.m., their dance practice is going to be an all-nighter. Jiung and Intak have been coordinating their moves for a short TikTok video for almost 50 minutes.

“We ended our debut promo but we are doing a follow-up promo for 'Nemonade' and have a number of special projects and collaborations coming up,” Jiung teases for his upcoming promos. “We seriously have so much to practice that we haven't had much personal time. We only go back to our dorms to shower and sleep.”

“You'd be stunned if you saw our dorms right now,” Keeho tells us. “We have a group chat where our individual chores are listed, but that list hasn't been updated since Oct. 14. Our moms help us out here and there but that's a whole other conversation.” Jongseob chuckles and suggests that they should play a card game of BANG! tonight so the loser can clean what's most urgent and in dire need of attention: the sink.

But besides chores, what does P1Harmony do during their off-hours?

The first to answer is Jiung, who carries himself with serene confidence on and off stage, and is perhaps one of the more collected and determined members of the group. He has very specific personal preferences (he loves raw garlic, can’t be cooked) and indulges in multiple hobbies (reading on a wide-range of subjects, sketching “to take things off his mind" that results in near-perfect replications) and gets consumed watching videos on “solo camping,” noting that one of his many goals is to go camping alone one day.

“Our personal needs and time are important, but all of that right now is secondary,” Jiung says. He stresses that he and his members are more focused on finessing their craft and is trying not to lose sight of their ultimate goal, which is to be recognized for their musicality. All the members have writing credits on their debut album.

They say their hard work ethic and long hours are purely driven by their excitement of finally being able to do what they've been dreaming of for years. The group’s debut didn’t go exactly as planned, getting postponed multiple times for several reasons, so one can only imagine their buildup of determination.

Keeho adds, “We love doing online meet-ups. It’s so much fun and it’s the only way we can interact with our fans right now, but at the same time we are kind of worried that we will be, or I will be, known as the ‘funny’ one, and wonder if we could ever be taken seriously as musicians.”

Nonetheless, he is flattered that people find him funny and enjoys watching fan-made memes of himself -- some of which have earned hundreds of thousands of views on social media.

Now, in full-out leader mode, Keeho squarely shares, “The only reason why we are so motivated is because we just love singing and performing. I can confidently say, on the behalf of our members, is that the six of us are here because we want to be artists; we want to deliver our message and emotions through our music, and we don’t want any of that to be overshadowed by our other activities.”

So, what about P1Harmony’s music?

“Of course, we want to inspire and have a message that our fans can relate to," Keeho says. "But what matters to us the most, is that we are genuine and make music that feels like ‘us’ at that very moment." Jiung adds, “I want to make music that can remind us what mind state or what type of emotions we were feeling at the time.”

Keeho agrees. “Our music defines us. We want to be sincere, and hope that our sincerity translates to our fans worldwide. I think it’s important to make music that touches us first; music that feels true to ourselves," he says. "We are all very opinionated, involved and talk to each other a lot about what we feel when we are writing our music.”

Although the group is at most times in high spirits, they admit they have concerns about their future. When asked if the idea of failure or self-doubt ever devours them, they are all remarkably positive and dedicated.

“I get worried about failure, but I try not to focus on our results right now," Intak says earnestly. “I think it’s a process, and whatever the outcome may be, what matters to me the most is enjoying this [learning] process and being humble and grateful for every little achievement we establish as a group.” However, he is adamant to “to make an indelible mark in history.” “I want us to be remembered as a prominent musical figure in history. I want to touch the world; I want to move and impact people with what we do. I want to go on-record with Billboard for this!”

“I also worry,” continues Jiung gleefully, looking more ecstatic than ever despite the heavy subject. “I think about our failure, but I have this gut-feeling we are going to do well. We all have this crazy, enthusiastic vibe, and are pretty much convinced we are going to be awesome. I think we lift each other up and have high hopes because we have no doubt when we are making music.”

Jongseob jumps in to clarify: “We don't think about failure at least when we are in our creative zones.”

“No offense to Intak,” Theo says peacefully, “but I don’t care for results. I don’t want to change the world. I don’t want to be pressured to make a difference, because we set our own standards and that’s what matters the most. I’m just happy to be singing and performing right now.”

“Yeah, you know what, I am not concerned [about failure] at all,” Keeho continues with his mischievous smirk. “I always say, ‘We are destined for greatness,’ and I truly believe it. We are going to be legends!”

And after spending a full, exhaustive day with them, at this point, we believe it too.

[eclectic-aussie]

Things I Want in the Final Season of the 100 That Wont Happen

Well the roller-coaster that is the 100 is coming into its final season which leaves me very sad that one of favourite shows in ending, but also curious about the things that will be wrapped up and the things that will be glossed over now that it’s coming to an end. Then I thought to myself; ‘What things do I really want to see before it ends and how likely are they to happen?’ So, here are just a few to start off with, with probably more to be written about later as the promo stuff comes out probably in 2020:

 1.The most obvious thing I WANT: Bellarke to happen and be endgame. Shocked? Why, it’s obvious I’m a Bellarke shipper, what are you nuts?! Yes, I really hope that they have Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin to finally be able to be together after the 131 years its been teased. I cannot tell you how much I love these two, so I wont go into everything, but if they just built up these two and their relationship and support and love for each other just to slap them with a ‘Platonic’ label in the end…there will be no end to how pissed I will be for their waste of one of my favourite tv/movie couples ever. If the show doesn’t end with Bellamy, Clarke and Madi as a family with Bellarke being co-leaders as voted by Wonkru (if possibly not Spacekru) and possibly also having a few little Griffin-Blake bubs to be acknowledged ala the end of the original Charmed, then they have done a huge disservice to their fan-base and I probably wont trust anything they (a certain someone in particular) again since they’ve teased and recanted so many times, it’s just ridiculous at this point.

 2.I want Wonkru to vote for their new leader, and I want that leader to be Clarke. They revered Wanheda for taking down the Mountain when their own Heda made deals with the monsters who used her people as disposable blood bags for 40ish years. Clarke went into the City of Light and shut it down, finding out about the 2nd end of the world in the process which is the only reason any of them survived it. SHE survived Praimfaya and even managed to find Madi, the last Nightblood, and raised her on her own. She may have betrayed Bellamy and took Madi to the Valley and sided with McCreary (which to be fair was her only option other than DEATH at the time) but she was also the only reason Raven didn’t bomb Wonkru and Spacekru to save herself and Shaw and overthrew and killed McCreary. Add to that now that Clarke survived a procedure no-one else had in 250+ years, she fought against an immortal ‘God’ and won back control over her own body, fooled the other ‘Gods’ into thinking she was one of them, stopped them from wiping the minds of everyone still in Cryo, helped Madi take control from Sheidheda and got rid of the mind-wiping serum and about half of the Primes in the process and…I’m going to say Wanheda had probably never looked so fierce and badass before and that’s saying something.

Grounders respect strength, but I think they (Indra and Gaia especially) also realise that it’s not just strength they’ll need on the new world, it’s compassion and Clarke has consistently had that in spades. Don’t agree? Then rewatch the series and note down the people who have betrayed/mistreated/more or less spat in Clarke’s face that she’s not only forgiven but also usually turned into allies, I’ll wait. Hold on, no I wont it would take too long. Anyway, even when her own people use her as their verbal punching bag (repeatedly. Looking at you Raven) she rarely retaliated or lashed out back, usually just getting a pained look before shrugging it off and moving forward. I want Wonkru to want Clarke as their leader…and I want her to say no at first. I want her to have to be talked into it, not because she doesn’t want to help etc but because at this point she’s just bloody tried and grieving and probably just wants to take a breath! Add to that she probably doesn’t think she’s the kind of leader they want/need when not in war. I want Indra, Gaia and Miller to include her in meeting about what to do next, to ask and value her input/suggestions while giving their own. I want them to be sneaky, and kind of ease her into the position when she’s just thinking their having a general discussion. I want Clarke to try and push Bellamy as their leader, and end up having them be co-leaders because of course they are. Add to that, I don’t want Spacekru to be a part of these discussions at first, maybe only being treated like workers instead of key decision makers.

 3.Tied to the above, I want Spacekru to have the rug pulled out from under them. Now don’t get me wrong, as a whole I really like most of the members of Spacekru, but their continued “we’re better than everyone else” schtick grated my nerves all season 6. Their actions in season 5 are just as responsible for McCreary destroying the Earth as anyone else’s, they were the ones to put him in charge in the first place for crying out loud!, but they don’t hold themselves at all accountable, instead heaping all the blame on the easy target: Clarke. Was Clarke blameless for what happened in season 5? Hell no! But Spacekru acting like they had no part in it and using Clarke as their verbal punching bag (again) for a good chunk of season 6 was bull. Add to that, that 5 out of 8 of them have tried to kill Clarke in the last 3 weeks (ok, Emori would have been counted as a half but she did kind of applaud Murphy helping Clarke’s murderers as ‘the survivors move’ and only told Bellamy about Clarke being alive because of her loyalty to him/Spacekru not because she actually cared about Clarke really so…yep. Oh and since Raven watching and doing nothing to stop Echo kill Clarke would make her an accessory in most legal systems I’m counting her just as culpable and guilty of Echo almost killing Clarke) them being aghast at the Primes for doing the same is pretty funny (except Bellamy, poor lamb).

So, yes, now that Wonkru (especially Indra, our droll queen of not taking any bullshit!) is in Sanctum too I kind of want Spacekru to puff themselves up, thinking they’re awesome for ‘handling’ the Prime problem and then…I don’t know, be put on trial for their actions against Wanheda and Madi? Before the ranting and raving begins, just hear me out (and take note that I’m already writing a fanfic where this happens): say what you want about Wonkru and the Grounders, they’ve always had a hell of a lot more gratitude and respect for Clarke/Wanheda than her own people have, as stated in point 2. Add to that, that Gaia and Miller witnessed for themselves that Spacekru’s actions largely made the situation worse, again, and Murphy and Raven telling Russell about the bone-marrow solution to save themselves from being burned alive (thanks, Echo), putting Madi in a huge amount of danger in the process. I want the prisoners to kind of get in on it too, a bit. I want them to tell Wonkru about Spacekru’s actions in the Valley and how they pretty much tripped ass backwards into putting McCreary in charge and undermining everything Bellamy and Clarke were trying to do to bring about a truce at the time. I also want (and this is going to set SO MANY people off!!) the prisoners to tell Indra about what they overheard on the radio on the night before the world burned. I want them to tell Indra and the others about how close Clarke came to being murdered to ‘avenge Bellamy’ and that it was Madi that stopped Echo from killing Clarke, while Raven and Shaw stood back and did nothing. I want it to come out that even after Echo tried to kill her, Clarke protected her from McCreary killing her, TWICE, for the man Echo would have killed her to avenge even though Clarke though he was dead. I want all this information to come out at ‘trial’, maybe even have a recording of the radio in Clarke’s pocket as proof and Emori, Murphy and Bellamy to find out right before they’re led away to wait for deliberation. I want Bellamy to fight between using his heart and his head as his view of his family is rocked with the new information as he puzzles out which version of them was on the Ring: who they were or who they needed to be to survive, and whether he could trust them off the Ring. Dun Dun DUNNN!!

 4.I want Becho to break-up (obviously, see point 1) but I want it to come after a few things are revealed. Look, as a character I don’t have anything against Echo on the whole but she is a character where we’re told one thing: that she’s changed on the Ring and is a ‘good guy’ now, and (in my opinion) we’re shown another: she still betrays her allies to further her own goals (turning in Shaw against Raven’s wishes, baiting and belittling, and eventually killing, Ryder), still goes behind her leaders back and goes too far to try and get them what they want by means they’d never agree to (going undercover in the Conclave to cheat which got her banished by Roan, trying to kill Clarke in front of Madi to ‘avenge’ Bellamy). I mean she herself pretty much said that she hasn’t changed when she stabbed and killed an unarmed, outnumbered Ryker while stating “Hesitation is death.” Which was Nia’s creed which Echo is seen once again embracing. The only time she even attempts to be ‘the good guy’ is in front of Bellamy, and even then her first response is usually ‘we need to fight our way out’ to pretty much every situation. I know a lot of people say that they think that Echo will realise Bellamy is still in love with Clarke and graciously step aside, but honestly that seems a bit out of character. Echo has pined for Bellamy since before Praimfaya and when you factor in her possibly feeling like her place in their family being threatened if she’s no longer Bellamy’s girlfriend I can’t really see Echo giving up without a fight. I want Bellamy to really try and figure out who and what he wants and fight for it, but still let Echo down easy and reassuring her that she’s still family. And then a little bit of time to let things settle and mourn what they had even if it ends somewhat amicably (Spacekru will probably be pissed).

 5.Now onto something lighter: I want more Bellamy and Madi bonding! Let’s be honest here, Bellamy has been a papa-bear since season 1 (which was why it really threw me when he was so ready and willing to turn Madi into a child soldier with the Flame, but moving on) and I really want to see Bellamy and Madi to spend time together; Madi telling Bellamy stories about her and Clarke’s time in the Valley and wanting to hear Bellamy’s stories about his and Clarke’s time together before Praimfaya. I want Madi to tell Bellamy that he and Octavia were routinely the heroes of Clarke’s stories and for him to be shocked (and a little saddened) that Clarke didn’t see herself as a hero. I want Madi to be kind of enamoured with him, since he was pretty much the only one (besides Monty and Harper) who lived up to the stories Clarke told her growing up and because he risked everything to save Clarke. I want Bellamy to kind of embrace his unofficial role as father-figure, telling her stories of mythology and history, spending time with her while her bone-marrow grows back and she’s in isolation. Controversial: (like this whole thing isn’t that already) I want there to be a point where it gets to be too much and Madi loses it. Where her almost losing Clarke, and fighting Sheidheda in her head and being tied down and having her bone marrow take without her consent to catch-up with her and she just breaks down and sobs her heart out. And I don’t want Clarke to be there to comfort her. I want Bellamy to be there and help her through it; telling her it’s ok to still feel the pain of the almost loss and that it’s ok to not always be strong for Clarke’s sake so she doesn’t worry. I want Bellamy and Madi to sit together as they grieve the horrible almost that would have taken Clarke from them. Oh, and I want her to teach him to spear fish.

 6. Now this, I know is DEFINITELY not going to happen: I want Murphy and Raven to have to earn Clarke’s forgiveness/friendship. Say what you will about Clarke’s actions in season 5, both Murphy and Raven would be dead dozens of times over throughout the series if it wasn’t for Clarke. Hell, Bellamy almost killed Murphy at least 3 times at the Dropship in season 1 and was only stopped by Clarke’s intervention. Like I said, say what you will but Murphy actively helped Josephine to not only try to stop Spacekru/Wonkru (though mainly Bellamy, lets be honest) from retaliating for Clarke’s murder by the Primes, he would have helped Josephine erase Clarke from her own damn head if Emori hadn’t gone behind his back and told Bellamy about it. And Raven? Raven stood back and did nothing to stop Echo from trying to kill her in front of Madi, because she thought she was justified and then played the victim when Clarke had an actual plan and didn’t just lay down and die like they planned. She told Clarke the only difference between her and Blodreigna was Blodreigna didn’t pretend to feel bad about the things she’d done. Raven and Murphy were the main ones (but not the only ones) who more or less called Clarke a monster and treated her like she was nothing. They were the ones who told Russell about the Nighblood solution being made from bone-marrow (even after Raven watched Kane kill himself, taking the safer-to-make Nightblood solution with him so the Primes couldn’t create more Nightbloods) and Raven talked Abby into taking the marrow from Madi. In general we got a lot of Clarke bashing from Murphy and Raven this past season and even though I KNOW they’ll just have Clarke overlook them mistreating her because that’s what she does, I really wish that they’d have Murphy and Raven show some self-awareness and pull their heads out of their arses and actually make an effort towards Clarke for once, instead of only showing any care, friendship or compassion towards her when they need her to make another impossible decision, if then.

 7.Fluff alert: I want Bellamy to be a bit nervous about Clarke finding out about the deal he made with the Primes. I want him to tear himself up a bit with the guilt of not telling her, maybe made worse by Murphy ‘teasing’ him about it, before caving and admitting it to Clarke, ashamed that he made a deal with her murderers to overlook her death for resources and help. I want her to grab his hand of some kind of physical contact before she tells him she knew all about it. I want him to be shocked and appalled that she didn’t seem upset and that she should hate him. I want her to smile at him, and tell him she had been upset at first, but could never hate him for that. That she had been proud of him, just like she was after Praimfaya. I want fluffiness, tears and forgiveness!!!

 8.Octavia? Yeah, she’s not dead.

 9.I swear to GOD if they make Jordan another Jasper, there will be riots in the bloody streets, you hear me?! RIOTS!!

 That’s all I can think of from the top of my head but before anyone asks; yes, a few of these are very specific because I’ve already written scenes that cover all of these that I will be incorporating into my season 7 spec fic of ‘things that will probably never happen’ that I’ll put on AO3 and FF.net at some point in the coming months.

If you don’t agree with something I’ve written above, then that’s all well and good and you’re entitled to your opinion as much as I am. However, please refrain from spewing hate into my inbox because…well I honestly don’t care if you agree with me or not. This is simply my OPINION of what I’D like to see, that I’ve stated multiple times that I honestly don’t hold out hope on the whole that any (besides number 1, 8 and 9) will end up happening.

[xoruffitup]

2019

Well. This year didn’t end how we Reylos/Star Wars Fans expected it would. We spent the last two years sure that at this time this year, our beloved Ben would be saved, redeemed, and living happily somewhere out there in the stars. We thought Rey would forge her own place, and that place would be full of affection and affirmation. We thought we (and they) would be fulfilled.

It’s understatement of the whole year to say we weren’t. People have been trying to tell me my expectations were too high or unrealistic for TROS, but I truly don’t think that’s the case. The reality seems to be that we were led on. Our expectations were built on the material we were given. Besides Bendemption and Reylo being the only ending that makes sense to cap off the Skywalker saga, our expectations were elevated based on how the trailers and promo represented TROS all the way since back in April. Our hopes were high because everything seemed so very promising - from the way JJ and Terrio (used to) speak about Ben, to cast interviews emphasizing “hope” and “redemption”, to the elusive and all-powerful “But I do” line from the trailer. (Just made myself depressed thinking Ben doesn’t have a single line that impactful in the actual movie, aside from maybe “Dad.”)

We were misguided and led on. We have every right to feel let down and broken-hearted. It’s been strange and extremely difficult these last two weeks to weather the holiday season while I still feel so hollow inside; still so incredulous. I’ve managed to avoid crying in front of any family members other than my parents, but I’m still wary it could catch up with me at any time, anywhere.

And yet. I’ve had so many wonderful friends to commiserate with and help pull me through. From hugging in the movie theatre, to angry text message rants, to hour-long midnight phone calls, to exchanging fix-it fics to cheer each other up - all this heartbreak has at least emphasized how dear the community of fans and friends is that I’ve somehow made in these past two years.

2019 was a hot mess in terms of politics and current events, but the truth is that it was quite an incredible year for me that I’m sad to see go. I switched to an entirely new position in the Africa division at my NGO, and then was promoted as well. It’s likely I’ll start looking around for other job opportunities this year, but I’ve loved and appreciated the work environment and the colleagues with whom I spent 2019. In terms of the fan community and fandom friends, this year will be difficult to beat. @umkylo came all the way from Australia for two Burn This performances as well as meet-ups with the whole friend group we formed through the standby sticket line at Adam’s SNL show last year. (You BET we can’t wait to do the same thing for his show next month!!)

The other 3 Burn This performances I had the chance to attend were followed by more meet-ups and some of the most fun nights I’ve ever had in NYC. Beyond the absolute wonders of seeing Adam perform on stage so much and MEETING HIM (!!!), I was also able to attend the TIFF screenings of both The Report and Marriage Story where Adam spoke. After that came the AITAF Broadway show. Even though Adam only gave the intro, the performance was so powerful and heartfelt that I’ll never forgot it. The AITAF reception was also where I met Dan Jones, and the gears started turning for the private screening of the film I ended up organizing at work in December, which Dan attended and spoke at. Then, of course, came the TROS premiere in London which will soon get an entirely separate post to fully convey just how insanely exciting every minute of the entire camp-out and blue carpet experience was.

This is all to say - this is much more than a silver lining. This is to say the people and the shared experiences have been the most memorable and powerful part of all this. This is to say that 2019 was an incredible year despite this ending, and nothing can take that from me. Nothing can take all the good times; all the enduring love for this film saga; all the creative masterpieces this fandom will produce. Our bonds and our enthusiasm are more important and appreciated now than ever before.

2020 sounds terrifying. But hey, if we’ve made it through TROS? We can conquer and enjoy anything. Let’s do this. :)

[traaaaaassh]

All Too Familiar Finn Balor x Reader One-Shot

Summary: A makeup artist for the WWE is asked to handle a big job. It doesn’t help that she’s hopelessly in love with her client.

Warnings: none

Word Count: 1622

Author’s Note: Hi!  I wrote this today in honor of Wrestlemania! This is my first one-shot attempt, my first time writing for the WWE, and my first time writing a reader insert piece. Any commentary is welcome! I want to start taking requests for WWE star oneshots and imagines, so if you have them, send them my way!

“So…” Alexa Bliss delivered a wicked grin, “Who are you going with to Hall of Fame?”

I chuckled, blending a bit more contour onto her cheeks, “I don’t even know if I’m going. The event isn’t really for the girls who do makeup.”

“Oh please,” she scoffed, “I know who you want to take, you’re just scared.”

“Alexa-”

“Y/N, if you don’t ask him, I am going to have to use my endless power as the host of Wrestlemania to make it happen.” She was smug.

Just as she finished, I spotted him. He was wearing his black trunks and a hoodie.

“Alexa, hush. He’s right over there,” I warned.

She whipped her head around quickly, making me regret my warning, “Finn! Get over here!”

I turned back to the various palettes I had laid out on the table.

“‘Ello,” I could hear the smile in Finn Balor’s voice.

“And how is my favorite soon-to-be-again Intercontinental Champ?” Alexa was so good at making things happen, and I knew she was set on this.

“Actually, I wanted to talk to Y/N about that…” Finn trailed off. I turned around, hoping the blush on my cheeks wasn’t too bad.

“Hi Finn.” I whispered. Alexa looked at me with wide eyes, encouraging me to say more. Shit I am blowing this. “What can I help you with?”

“Well, I want to bring Demon Balor to Wrestlemania but the girls who used to do the makeup left the company a while ago. Was wondering if you could help me?”

Alexa smiled big ust over Finn’s shoulder

“Sure,” I agreed, “Let’s talk business.”

“How about tonight after Raw? Maybe over a drink?”

Alexa looked like her eyes were going to pop out of her head, I’m sure I did too.

I agreed to meet Finn later and he left without another word.

“You are going on a date with Finn Balor!” Alexa squealed.

“It’s totally not a date, Lex. He just wants help with his paint.”

“Y/N Y/L/N, you are naive.”

The next two weeks passed quickly for the company. When I wasn’t helping other wrestlers with makeup and hair, Finn sat with me and a sketchbook, trying to perfect his demon paint. We ate our meals together, looking at pictures of Demon Balor from previous matches and pictures of the demon king from Irish lore. My phone was full of texts and pictures of ideas from Finn. The awkwardness of our previous encounters had completely disappeared.

Alexa demanded updates about my relationship with Finn, but I always told her there wasn’t much to tell. I was just helping him with a project and we worked long hours to make it happen.

“Hey, Picasso!” Finn called down the hall at me. I wrapped up the last of Sasha’s look for a promo and sent her on her way. It was Friday before Wrestlemania, NXT Takeover was happening a state away and everyone was in the MetLife Stadium preparing for the largest sports entertainment show of the year.

“Balor, how nice of you to show up,” I smirked. We planned on doing one, and only one, test run of the paint on his body. I had begged him to let me practice more, but he insisted I would get it right the first time.

“Sorry, love, got caught up in the gym with Rollins,” My heart skipped a beat at his nickname for me. He smiled, “Needed a shower, figured you wouldn’t want me all sweaty for you.” Oh I do.

“Well, you’re here now,” I swallowed hard, trying to shake the image of a hot and sweaty Finn Balor in front of me. As I had my back turned to him, grabbing the paint, Finn shed his shirt and sweatpants. I turned back to him to see him sitting in just his trunks. I bit the inside of my cheek.

With a shaky hand, I started outlining the black streaks down his chest to his abdomen.

“Don’t worry, love, I won’t bite,” Finn winked.

From: Finn: pick you up in 10 minutes :)

“Alexa, I’m freaking out and can’t get my eyeliner even. I look like a panda.” I whined.

“Y/N, you do makeup for a living. You look great,” she joined me in the bathroom, practically floating in her pink gown.

“I’m freaking out, I don’t go to these things. I get people ready for these things,” I frowned.

“You are going to Hall of Fame with Finn Balor. You have had a crush on him for months. You are going to go, have a few drinks, and have a great time.” She grabbed me by the shoulders.

With minimal arguing and worrying, I let Alexa lead me down to the lobby where Finn promised to wait.

He was seated in an armchair by the fireplace, looking at his phone.

“Hey, Mr. Abs, I got your hot date for you,” Alexa shouted in his direction from the elevator, pushing me into his direction.

Finn stood promptly and looked at us. He smiled widely, practically beaming.

“You look…” He wrapped me in a hug, “Amazing.”

“You look pretty great too,” I reciprocated. I took a longer look at him, he was wearing a very simple tuxedo, slim black pants and a fitted suit jacket.

“I’m just glad my suit matches,” He chuckled, staring down at my red gown.

Finn took my hand in his and led me to the waiting car, where Alexa and other stars were waiting.

“I could not have asked for a better date tonight,” He smiled before opening the car door.

“So, Finn, can you tell me a little bit about what we can expect from the Demon King tomorrow?” The reporter on the red carpet pushed the microphone into his face.

“Just know, he wants to win. And he always gets what he wants.” Finn smirked mysteriously before grabbing my waist and walking further down the carpet.

“Always gets what he wants, huh?” I snorted.

“Always, love,” Finn winked at me.

“Well, that was something else,” I sighed, walking out of the Barclays Center after Hall of Fame. Finn nodded in agreement.

“And tomorrow is a big day,” I commented, hoping he would speak this time. Since we sat in our seat in the stadium, he hadn’t said a word. He nodded again.

“Do you want to walk back to the hotel?” I asked, “It isn’t that far, like a twenty minute walk.” He wrapped his arm around my waist and kept walking, signalling his agreement again.

Even though it was April, New York was chilled at night. As we walked, passing closed buildings and dimly lit bodegas, I shivered. Finn stopped us in our tracks and slid his jacket off, handing it to me. I graciously accepted and put it around my shoulders.

“Guess I didn’t think this whole walk through,” I laughed, reveling in the warmth the jacket provided, and the strong smell of cologne that hung to it.

“Well, I can’t have my girl freezing on me,” Finn smiled, pulling me closer than before, “Besides, who would paint me up tomorrow if you get pneumonia?”

I slapped my hand to his chest, rolling my eyes, “You don’t need the demon to win.”

“No, I don’t,” He ushered me across the street, “But it gave me an excuse to talk to you.”

My heart skipped a beat, but I put on a brave face.

“Oh, please, like you needed an excuse.”

“Are you kidding?” He laughed, “Gallows and Anderson were going to kick my ass if I didn’t talk to you. There were tired of hearing me talk about you.”

“Talk about me?” I looked at Finn and then back at the street seeing our hotel in the distance, and the cameras and fans waiting outside. Finn followed my eyes and pulled me into an alley.

“I have been watching you for months,” He paused, “That came out wrong. But, I have liked you for a while now. And Gallows and Anderson would have to listen to me go on about how pretty you are and how sweet you are. So they got sick of my shit and told me if I didn’t talk to you they would make me.”

I smiled, this sounded all too familiar.

“Finn, can I tell you a secret?”

He looked at me, expectantly.

“Alexa has been trying to get me to talk to you for months… The day you came to me about painting for Mania she was threatening to use her host powers to get me to talk to you.”

Finn laughed.

“Well, since we can admit that to each other,” Finn took a step closer, pressing me against the brick wall behind me. My breath was caught in my throat. I was suddenly aware of all of the places Finn was touching me, my waist and the top of my arm were on fire.

“Finn,” before I could say another word Finn pressed his lips to mine, gently at first. His hands moved to the back of my neck and pulled me close. We separated for a moment and dove back into each other passionately.

Time passed slowly and quickly all at once, and after a while we parted. By the light of the streetlight on the road, I could see that some of my lipstick had tinted his lips.

Finn sighed,“I would take you back to my room, but-”

“Mania is tomorrow, you need rest,” I smiled.

He planted another kiss on my lips.

“But, after Mania, you and I have a very important date.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Mr. Balor.”

Finn squeezed my hips tightly.

“I like the sound of that.”

[hvcy]

Undoubtedly Raw: Take on Lover

As I write this, it’s going to be the 3rd time I listen to the full album. To give a hint on how I reacted the first two times, let’s just say I panicked, I screamed, I cheered, just, all sorts of emotions were there.

I Forgot That You Existed: At first, before I hit play, I felt anxious. As the song progresses, I found myself just smiling. I love how she said “indifference”. It is a solid intro for an album; not a shocker but also not borderline forgettable.

It isn't love, it isn't hate, it's just indifference.

Cruel Summer: I fucking love Jack Antonoff’s robotic backtrack vocals during the verses. Before the album was released, I expect the song to be some shady or even a sassy track. I’M NOT DISAPPOINTED; I’M SHOCKED. I love the bridge so much. The bridge snaps. I would repeat the bridge a hundred times. Definitely a level higher than “Blank Space”. I was surprised by the length of the track, but it felt fitting.

And I scream, "For whatever it's worth, I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?" He looks up, grinning like a devil.

Lover: No words for this track. It took me to another dimension of pink clouds, heart-eyed emojis, slow dancing with my own lover. Funny thing is I am with my own favorite person when I first listened to this, and I was just smiling the whole time to contain all of my emotions.

Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever?

The Man: This track receives a massive hype before the album release, and I’m just so glad that I didn’t expect anything from this. The hook surprised me, but the overall feel of the song is not for my personal spectrum. I enjoyed the bridge but the song as a whole is not for me. Lyrically, it’s appealing and controversial to the public. Would I be happy for this to be a single? Probably. But I wouldn’t want to repeat playing the track as much as the other tracks. Just: Holy shit, she went off!

What's it like to brag about raking in dollars and getting bitches and models? And it's all good if you're bad and it's okay if you're mad. If I was out flashing my dollars, I'd be a bitch, not a baller. They'd paint me out to be bad, so it's okay that I'm mad.

The Archer: The whole hype around the production spreading all over the Internet isn’t working for me. Around the time this was released as a promo single, I wasn’t myself, so it probably contributes to what I feel towards this song. As an album track, however, it fell flat. After my first listen on the whole album, this is one of the tracks I wouldn’t go back to listen to on a daily basis.

I've been the archer, I've been the prey. Who could ever leave me, darling, but who could stay?

I Think He Knows: A subtle visual. I love the verses, but the chorus not so much. It felt like a commercial song, but I get how it fits to the album.

"Where we gonna go?" I think he knows.

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince: NOW THIS IS A SOLID ONE. One word: ethereal. At first, I didn’t get the political references on this one. After my first listen, I went straight to the Genius website and my fan account on Twitter to get the whole point of this song. I was amazed by the whole concept of this song; how different styles managed to fit perfectly in this almost-4-minute track. This is my most favorite track on the album. Would I want this to be a single? Probably not. Usually when I listen to tracks that have deep storylines, I would visualize a music video or just portrayals of those excellent lyrics; I’d never want to ruin that concept for this song. One thing’s for sure: I would repeat this for months.

And I'll never let you go 'cause I know this is a fight that someday we're gonna win.

Paper Rings: Production-wise, this is a shocker. But the moment the chorus went in, I immediately loved this. When I feel sappy and shit, I would still listen to this. Whenever I’m home alone, I would listen to this, without a doubt. This is not a childish song at all. I believe the song has this sort of sound is because love will make you feel that being with that person is the most important thing in the world, and no material shiny thing would even compare to that feeling.

I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this. Darling, you're the one I want.

Cornelia Street: The secret sessioners ranked this track as their most favorite on the album prior of its release. I listen to this with my eyes closed, hands on my chest, trying to feel the words that she’s saying. When the post-bridge came in, and she said “I hope I never lose you.” that’s how it hit me. It hit me to the point that I have also a Cornelia Street in my life. I have a past relationship where I was the one who’s more attached than the other. We went to the theatre together, and after our relationship ended, I never wanted to go back to that same theatre again. We usually sit together in class during breaks, and after that I felt awkward just sitting with strangers. It’s just a feeling that you think you would never be prepared of; no matter how scared you are of the outcome, you just don’t want to go there.

I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends. That's the kinda heartbreak time could never mend.

Death By A Thousand Cuts: The introduction snaps! This is not my cup of tea at all, but I enjoyed this track at least. Again, Ms. Swift, with all the bridges of the tracks! Her and Antonoff’s bridges through the years are getting more and more well-thought-out.

My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust: tryna find a part of me you didn't take up. Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough, but I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts.

London Boy: A cute track. Similar thoughts with “I Think He Knows”. In the future, I hope I could also make a song about my favorite person telling everyone in the same way of appreciation Taylor exudes on this song.

They say home is where the heart is; But that's not where mine lives.

Soon You’ll Get Better: I know the background of this song prior to initial release, and I already knew this is going to be the hardest to listen to. But the lyrics of this is the most unexpected thing I’ve heard from the whole album. It feels like everyone who has a pain similar to Taylor’s can relate. Mine isn’t about family, or a specific loved one; I thought of myself. I fucking bawled my eyes out the first time I listened to this. I thought of listening to another person in my own point of view. I thought of somebody singing the song to me, telling me that I have to get better. I will be better soon. I will have a hard time repeating this song in the future, for sure. 

And I hate to make this all about me, but who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do if there's no you?

False God: As I was just preparing myself after the disastrous outcome brought by the previous track to me, this sexy track came in. I wasn’t ready! First song came to mind was “So it Goes” of reputation. “So it Goes” is my most favorite track on rep the first time I listened to the album. I didn’t feel the same way to “False God” because of how it played while I’m still preparing for my emotional mess. Still, it’s a sexy track. A chill and not-so-subtle one.

They all warned us about times like this. They say the road gets hard and you get lost when you're led by blind faith, but we might just get away with it.

You Need to Calm Down: This is THE lead single. Out of the 4 songs that were released before the album release, this is the superior one. Miles far from (let’s talk about it later). Going back, this is a complete serve for all the people of our society, not just the community. Can you believe she took her legacy on a pedestal just to show her support to the LGBTQ+?

And I ain't tryna mess with your self-expression but I've learned a lesson that stressin' and obsessin' 'bout somebody else is no fun.

Afterglow: UGH. Fuck. I don’t know, man. Just listen to this track. I relate to this track so fucking much. I am that person whom I think apologizes too much, even in the small things in life. But to think of it, it’s not wrong to admit you’re wrong on a situation where you’ve both argued or misunderstood each other. Or when that person is upset because of your actions, and you can’t do anything but to suck it up and face your fears; face the reality that even you can do stupid things. This is the song that says “Hey, I know I do stuff sometimes, but I’m willing to work it out: all because of you.” FUCK THIS.

I don't wanna do, I don’t wanna do this to you. I don’t wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you.

ME!: I’m a very kind person, hell I love Taylor to death, but I would agree with the general public that this is the worst lead single of her legacy. This deserves to be at least a second or third single of the album, but not the one to jumpstart a highly anticipated successor of a dark era from the once America’s Sweetheart. It didn’t deserve, however, the disrespect it gets just because of its underwhelming performance on the charts.

And when we had that fight out in the rain, you ran after me and called my name. I never wanna see you walk away.

It’s Nice to Have a Friend: I personally believe you need to be in a specific mood to get along with the vibe of this track. On my initial listen, it sparked an interest to me to repeat it again afterwards, but it just stands there. Nothing interesting.

Call my bluff, call you "babe". Have my back every day; feels like home.

Daylight: Let me just say, I don’t wanna listen to other artists now that I got Taylor. Perfect ender. I would even pick this more than “Begin Again”, and *sigh* “Clean”. It’s perfect, need I say more?

I once believed love would be burning red but it's golden like daylight.

[salvatoreschool]

Exclusive Interview with Actor and Musician Quincy Fouse

Musician and actor Quincy Fouse just dropped a new music video for his single, “I Know”. I got the chance to talk to him about how Hugh Jackman pushed him to start making and releasing music, his single “I Know”, what it was like shooting his first ever official music video for this single and so much more! Keep reading to see what he had to say!

Tell me a little bit about how you first got into making and performing music.

Okay, this is a good story. I was actually on set for my first movie Logan and I was beatboxing on set. I used to beatbox a lot in high school and I used to do a bunch of indie shows around my hometown. So Hugh Jackman hears me beatboxing and then he asked me, “Are you making anything?” And I was like, “Nah. I’m just having fun on set.” And he goes, “Well you know will.i.am produced most of the beats on the ‘I’ve Got a Feeling’ track while he was working on set with [me]. Maybe you should look into that.” We went on hiatus, I got a computer, I downloaded Logic and was looking up how to produce. So ever since then, I’ve just been producing music and then I got back into writing and rapping and it just kind of snowballed from there.

So making music and releasing it was never something you actually thought about until Hugh Jackman told you that it’s something you should consider.

Literally yes. I was just kind of chasing the feeling with acting. So I had just gotten used to the fact that acting was something that I could really live off of and then Hugh was like, “You should produce music” and I was like, “Okay” [laughs].

That’s so funny. I know you use the stage name Soul Fro when you release your music. What made you want to use a stage name and why Soul Fro?

[laughs] Well when I was in high school, I was kind of a really shy kid and when I started beatboxing – I guess I can’t say when I started beatboxing because I had been beatboxing my whole life – but so when high school [classmates] got a whiff of what I could do, I noticed I got people’s attention and I made people feel good and people would come out and start rapping while I was beatboxing. I kind of just became this kid with an afro that beatboxed in high school. I believe there was some upperclassmen who named me Soul Fro and it just stuck. I was like, “You know what, I’m going to make this work.” Now since then, the name itself has received a lot more meaning from me just because it’s kind of one of the first markers of me coming into my own self-confidence in high school. So music Quincy will be [known as] Soul Fro.

Gotcha. Something I’m always genuinely curious about is what artists want to convey to listeners with their music. If you had to describe the music you create without using genre names, how would you describe it?

I’d describe it as love in a vibe. I think when I make the beat and I build a chord, I’m looking for this feeling of being carried by the music; then, when I write, I’m just expressing the truth that’s on my heart. And all of that, in the process of essentially writing away and being my whole self, that’s what I define to be the equation of loving oneself.

Very cool. Kind of going off of that, who are some of your musical influences?

My biggest ones – and I’ve got millions – are Childish Gambino for sure and then Erykah Badu. Growing up, I’d say beatboxing was the first thing I did to get confidence, but the sparking moment that led me to even attempt to believe in myself to do these indie shows was watching Donald Glover on Community and seeing how weird and how awkward he can be in his comedy but still have a successful and secure place in society. I’ve been listening to Erykah Badu’s music and there’s always something so comforting and something that reminded you that you’re home within this breadth of culture in her sound. So both of those things coming together just kind of really defined my vibe of inspiring the kids that were like me and then also just giving that sense of love that isn’t finite to that kid.

Gotcha. So let’s talk about this new single, “I Know”. What’s the story behind that song? What inspired it?

The story behind that song, I was just working in LA and I met this girl. She was amazing. I was in the moment of falling for her, but knowing that I didn’t really have a destination and I didn’t really have a concrete place of wanting something for us together. I didn’t necessarily want to marry her. I’m too young for that. But I wanted her; I wanted her in so many ways and I just started writing and essentially just talking to her [through the song]. “I don’t know what exactly I want but I feel like you got it, whatever it is.” Just that place of confusion and yearning.

What was your songwriting process like for this song? Was it something that came pretty easily to you or is it something you kept coming back to and working on?

I literally wrote that thing in one day. It was just that intimate conversation. That’s why there isn’t a second verse. I just kind of used my producing chops to give some color to the rest of the song because that was just really authentic. It was straight from the heart and it was a message to her.

In general, though, when you write, do you tend to write by yourself or are you someone who likes collaborating with other artists in co-writes?

Oh I mean if I’m featuring on another song, we definitely sit down together. I create with my brother Darin Blaine Wilkens and then my other brother Colah, whose name is Noah Alexander Gary. I was recently featured on their newest album, How Was Your Day?. But yeah, when I’m writing with those guys for a feature on their music, we definitely talk with each other to make sure that we have the cause of the song down. If someone writes verse and it kind of goes against the message of the song, then we will all work together to kind of alter it. But other than that, if I’m working on a standalone project or it’s my song, then I’m writing the verses myself.

So for “I Know”, were there any major changes that happened once you got into the studio, whether it be in the lyrics or something sonically?

Nah. No. It was all pretty straightforward. And because I produced the beat for “I Know” as well. So right after I made the beat, sitting there in the studio session – I like to have like my family around me as I’m making stuff just because sitting in love makes me perform better – so while I’m sitting there, I make the beat, they’re like, “Oh that’s hot” and I just started writing the song. It’s one of the perks of being the producer and the lyricist and the performer.

I know you also shot a music video for this song. What was that experience like?

It was so dope. I worked with my good friend Barry Galperin, who is the director, and he created the music video for me. I called him up after the song came out and I was like, “Look man. I know that you kind of process art the same way that I do and I know that you could hit this feeling. Can we work together?” And he was like, “Sure.” It was so great because we were so in sync the entire time, so it was a beautiful experience.

Was that your first time shooting a music video or had you shot other ones prior?

No, that’s my first music video. I’ve shot little promos before. But yeah, that was my first official music video.

Was it everything you thought it’d be or was it completely different than what you thought it be?

Oh it was amazing. I think for me, I never have a template of an expectation. I have more of a specific goal or something to accomplish rather than expecting any type of experience. So when I just got on set and saw that we were accomplishing each little goal, you look at the end product and it just kind of made sense. But it was definitely beautiful all throughout the process and that’s something I definitely take away from the experience.

In terms of new music, what’s on the horizon for you? What are you working on?

[laughs] OK. I recently just sort of hinted at this on my Instagram so I can talk about it now, but I have a single that I wrote with Kaylee Bryant and she plays Josie on my show, Legacies. I wrote a little ditty for season one and we talked to Legacies and they let me keep the rights to it so I can make a song. So I’ve just kind of like expanded upon that scene and we’ll be releasing that.

Other than that, I have a couple of other singles that I got coming out and I’m going to be re-releasing my first album Soul Space. I had to make a few little edits to that and I also wanted to add a bonus track to it. Then, after that, I have a prospective future album called Son of the Ronin and that’s the album that I’m getting ready to go work on and kind of delve into the magnum opus of sorts.

Very cool. You’ve got a lot music wise coming up.

[Laughs] Yeah, I do.

What are some of your music industry related goals for your career over the next couple of years?

Like I said, I’m very goal oriented so I kind of stay away from the template of “I want to take over the game and be the best rapper ever” blah, blah, blah. I want to be able to just do live performances where the audience knows the words to my songs. And I just want to be able to express myself honestly. That’s pretty much the one mark that I want to hit. As far as the ascension and the gears that are the entertainment business, you know we’ll deal with it when we get there.

Last question – our website is called Talk Nerdy With Us because we all have an inner nerd, so what is something you are currently nerding out about?

Something I am currently nerding out about is Miles Morales in general because that’s always been like a dream role of mine [laughs]. I fantasize about that character, man. So I’m excited to watch the new Spider-Man coming out and I wonder if you can expect like maybe he’s in there; that would be really fun to see.

[sly2o]

Season 6 Plot Big Giant Spec Post

A - Major pieces I’m spec’ing for next season when I am feeling semi-confident on spec:

Nightblood is only needed for when BOTH suns are up. 

Clarke will come to view the leader of the peaceful group they meet as a father figure.

“Our People” (Eligius, Delinquents, etc) will be sent on a mission to go mine hytholodium from a nearby asteroid. That hytholodium will be brought back and will power up something important for the finale.

Colonization of the new planet was originally modeled after how England initially settled the New World.

That plan went up in smoke when it was revealed the Earth had gone up in smoke and no subsequent waves of colonizers arrived.

B - Major pieces I am spec’ing that I am low-confident about:

Over the ~200 years that passed since those initial events, the planet split into two major factions: those with nightblood, and those without. 

Nightbloods may be the subjugated class on this new planet. 

 The arrival of our people (Grounders, Eligius, Skykru, etc) will throw the current nightblood v. non-nightblood power balance into flux when it is revealed that the religion that evolved on Earth is one where nightbloods are revered. 

It will become important for the oppressing class to figure out how to control The Flame. 

C - Wilder pieces I am spec’ing:

If the non-nightbloods are the oppressing class, they will power up their version of ALIE in the finale.

OR, if the non-nightbloods are the oppressing class, we will get the AU where the “Mountain Men” got to return to Earth in the finale. 

D - I am personally motivated to spec this, but also I got real reasons

“Unintended Consequences” (or something similar in Trig) will be the name of the Finale

Explanations for why I am spec’ing these things are under the cut, but can majorly be summarized as 1) I read The Sparrow, and 2) assumption that the EligiusIV twitter account is a valid source. 

Warning: contains major spoilers for “The Sparrow” 

A1 - This is implied through the BTS pictures we have of Clarke and Echo on the ground, the fact that “two suns, no sunscreen” was uttered by Shaw, and that in “The Sparrow” there is a species that sleeps through the time of day where only one sun is up. 

A2 -  “Clarke is in a really bad place right now” that Eliza has been saying in interviews, I strongly suspect she is having a similar story to the main character of The Sparrow. In the Sparrow the main character comes to view one of the aliens they meet as a daughter-figure. Clarke already has a daughter-figure (Madi), but Clarke has been missing a father figure for a while now. Plus Jake Griffin was back on set which supports this theory.

A3 - The BTS pictures that came out recently showed our cast on an Eligius vessel which describes a asteroid in the background that had a high amount of hytholodium. A while back there was a summary chart of the fake titles the writers had given to next season’s episodes - including two called “7 days part 1″ and “7 days part 2″ - with a gap in the middle. I strongly believe at minimum a subsection of our known characters will get sent on a mining mission.

A4 and A5 - I’m spec’ing this primarily on how “space colonization” has been stressed in the Eligius IV promo materials. 

To clarify what I am talking about when I say “how England settled the New World” - I specifically am speaking to very early days colonialism (before the American Revolution) when lands were initially being taken away from the First Nations who lived there as England expanded. This is where England would have a white colonizer over there with a plot of land they were setting up for their way of life, and contracts would be made where other white colonizers would become “indentured servants” where they would have a contract drawn up where they got X amount of clothes per year, meals, a place to live, and at the end of 10 years or so of work would be given their own piece of property. Then they would become the lead of their own piece of property - and could coordinate a contract where they get their own indentured servants, and so the cycle repeats. 

The destruction of Earth would have resulted in - to put it mildly - some contract disputes for those who were expecting subsequent waves of people to come to help them set up their own properties. This would set off major conflict among those who settled the new planet.

Particularly a new tweet from EligiusIV specifically mentions “there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves”.

B1-4 - I put these all in a “low-confidence” category because I am uncertain what this “alien” life is and how important it is. My spec is based on a premise that the Alien life is either 1) not really important, or 2) a cute way to say that “we’ve evolved so separately it’s like they are alien to us”. If alien life is a real thing, then a lot of my spec will likely be hogwash. 

B1 - I am spec’ing this because it’s a redux of the Mountain Men vs Grounders, and also because a similar divide is found in The Sparrow. I am also spec’ing this because we know that redblooded people can give birth to people with nightblood. I have assumed that people with nightblood can give birth to people with redblood because otherwise the 100 year evolution that allowed people to reclaim the ground makes no sense. However we don’t really have proof of this thanks to the conclave, and the science/math on this show can be dubious anyways. It’s also another way to divide Clarke from her people which Jason loves to do.

B2 and B3 - This would be a reverse of how the religion on Earth evolved, which would naturally cause conflict, which is part of why I am spec’ing this. 

I am also spec’ing this because 

only the nightbloods would be able to be outside during the day - raising cause for why they are obligated to be the workers

it puts Clarke in the worker class (”let the privileged do the work for a change”)

it implies that that once the redblooded people started to be born that instead of casting them out for being genetically inferior, that work was done initially to protect them. We know Murphy and Clarke are going to be at odds this season, and that them being at odds could in some ways present a different look at “protecting the weak” vs. “taking advantage of the strong” because of how Murphy is tied to Emori who got cast out for being different, and Clarke being tied to this subjugated class. (I hope I explained this properly, since this is a very messy and complicated idea).

The fact that people with redblood worship someone with nightblood would be seen as radical and cause major issue on the new planet. 

An easy way to temporarily placate the masses would be to say that Madi is only raised up as a nightblood because she has The Flame. 

B4 - Irrespective of who the subjugated class is, the fact of the matter remains that a group of people led by a child soldier have landed on this planet and the reason she is raised above others is because she has a chip in her neck. The BTS pictures on the Eligius ship seemed to me to include an electronic schematic of The Flame - which to me begs the question of if they will try to reverse program The Flame this season (or something similar).

I am also low confidence on this one because another thing that could be happening here is that this chip wasn’t meant to last 200 years - and that it is starting to decay in Madi’s head after 125 in cryo, and needs to be repaired. 

Or maybe it’s both things!

C1 - Putting this in the “wild” category for a few reasons. However I will say my primary reason for spec’ing this is because ALIE can relieve pain - and I have to wonder whether she can relieve the pain caused by solar radiation. To me the cascading events here are 1- redblood people can’t access their own mining ship or simply don’t have mining ship, 2- they get Our People to go mine the asteroid, and 3 - they turn on their version of the ALIE1.0 machine in the finale. This presumes the ALIE code was ever sent to these people in the first place. However it is possible it could be retconned that ALIE1.0 was developed as a permanent solution to the “nightbloods don’t always give birth to redbloods” problem - if that indeed was a problem. Also - with the trauma that was caused in the 6 year stay in the bunker, Abby’s addiction being stressed as a longing for the City of Light, and the fact that our main characters are almost evenly divided between those who did and didn’t go to the City of Light - I think the return of ALIE1.0 wouldn’t be so easily defeated. 

C2 - Alternatively, it may be that Abby and Jackson are leveraged because they know (although may be a bit rusty about) the recipe for creating nightblood. They may spend the season recreating that recipe with the scientists on the ground. We did see a BTS picture (that got deleted) where the guy who played Robin Hood on OUAT was in a medical smock and had bits of black on that smock - which may be nightblood. 

Either way for part C - I am anticipating these new “Mountain Men” to find a way to the ground in the finale.

D1 -  Jason has spoken about how Clarke really takes to heart Monty’s message of “be the good guys”. It would follow the plot of The Sparrow, as well as simply fit into the type of show this is, to have Clarke try her hardest to “be the good guy” and then end up “being the bad guy” due to unintended consequences.