#Logan angst incoming

[loganslowdown4]

Wheeeee @warnadudenexttime made a template and I took it and made angst please take my Canva away from meeeeee 😈😈😫😫

[yoditopascal]

Like A Prayer (Part 4)

summary: best friends with wade you’re always being dragged into something even when he’s not trying to, what are you to do when you find the fate of your timeline in the hands of yourself, your chaotic merc and an angry wolverine who’s hellbent on drinking himself to death?

content warning: romance, some angst, a little fluff, character deaths, canon-typical violence, smut, lots of cussing, mutual pining, found family, drug and alcohol use, reader insert but with no use of y/n cuz I hate that shit, deadpool being deadpool, mentions of poor mental health (depression anxiety and ptsd mostly), scent marking, the honda odyssey scene needs a warning all on its own MINORS DNI

a/n: edited by the ever so lovely karmiccc on ao3! Comments and criticisms are welcome!

tag list: sorry if you weren’t tagged I tried tagging everyone that asked but some usernames didn’t work! @allmyn1ghts @blooket-scares-me @amararosesblog @talanyra @spideybv28 @sadslasher13 @night-spectrum @eveieforeve02

Previous Chapter//Next Chapter

On Your Left Babygirl

Wade watches from the corner of his eye as your feet drag behind you, the now limp Wolverine was pressing his full mass into the two of you, and you were clearly struggling with the newly added weight.

“One Anchor Being coming right up, on your left, baby girl!”

“This Logan has everything! He can do pretty much anything the old model could plus he even sings musicals! And he’s actually wearing a costume like he’s not embarrassed to be in a superhero movie for once!”

“I don’t understand.”

“You said my universe is dying, because this sad sack of nuts got himself killed. Well, problem solved!”

“Y-you actually think you can replace an Anchor Being with this?” Paradox says between laughs pointing at Wolverine still on the floor. “I wouldn’t have accepted any other Wolverine bee tee dubs, but you’ve brought me the absolute worst Wolverine there is!

“What do you mean the worst one?” Wade asked, walking closer to Paradox.

Just as Wade was less than an arm’s length away from Paradox, you saw the off brand Mr. Darcy reachout and grab something behind his back. You jump forward placing yourself in between the two men just as Paradox drew his weapon.

“Wade watch-!” You don’t get to finish your sentence as Wade watches in absolute horror as you disintegrate into nothing in front of him.

Wade falls to his knees as if trying to catch your particles that were still floating about in the air before disappearing entirely.

The distinct snikt of Wolverine unleashing his claws breaks Wade out of his trance as he watches the Wolverine, now back on his feet, lunge for Paradox with his claws in pure rage before disappearing too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Logan groans as he sits up, cracking his neck back into place. He raises a hand to shield his face from the harsh rays of the sun above him as he lets out a sharp hiss from the incoming headache he was starting to get from the combination of the fall and all the alcohol he drank earlier.

Barely starting to sober up, he looks around himself with a grunt as he stands, taking in the environment around himself.

If he had to guess he’d had no idea where the fuck he was. The scene around him was dry and arid like a desert, only this one didn’t seem familiar to him at all. There was all kinds of trash and debris around him like it had been dumped here and forgotten. Taking in a few greedy inhales, Logan scented the air, coming back with only faint traces of smoke, dirt and something else, something sweet and fresh and familiar but still different at the same time.

Turning his head to follow the source of the smell Logan spots you, laid out face first on the ground. He walks up to you apprehensively, not knowing if he could trust you or not but as he approaches he realizes you’re out cold.

Getting a closer look at you now he’s able to take in your features up close. If you were a shapeshifter of some kind like he previously thought, you were a hell of a good one. At first glance you looked just like her, the same hair and big doe eyes that used to look up at him. You were even dressed the same way.

Squatting down to your level Logan’s able to get a much better whiff of you from here. There’s no mistaking a scent, even when Morph and Mystique used to try and trick him back in the day but it never worked because they could never change their smell.

There was no doubt about it, the smell was definitely yours. Shamefully Logan found his eyes wandering down your frame slowly as he drank you in, eyes lingering on your ass for a few seconds before turning you over onto your back, and God, even your face was the same. The longer he looked at you the more he realized you really were her. Only, you had less pronounced smile lines, and were less muscular, having probably only known peace in your life, you had appeared more softer than she had been. Just as his gloved hand was a breath away from caressing your cheek, he’s ripped from his inspection by the sound of something heavy hitting the ground behind him.

Standing to his feet, he looks back at you one last time before looking at the disfigured body of the guy in red from before as his bones snap back into place. He sniffs the air again, realizing the man that had just fallen from the sky. He smelled absolutely rancid to him, stinking of blood, gunpowder and a distinct sickly cancerous smell.

Definitely a threat. Logan concludes as he starts to walk up to him.

Wade coughs as he rolls over onto his back, looking down between his legs as Wolverine walked up to him, stopping right as his feet, ��Don’t just stand there, you big ape. Give me a hand!”

Wolverine stared down at him, his hazel eyes swirling with contempt and silent fury as he unsheathed his claws.

“No, I’m actually okay, thank you,” Wade barely finishes his sentence before he’s being stabbed through both his sides, letting out a sharp curse as Logan hoists him in the air like a kebab.

“Where the hell are we?!” He demands.

“I don’t know! It all looks kinda Mad Maxy but that would be copyright infringement, wouldn’t it?!” Wade cries out as Wolverine harshly drops him to the ground.

“Fucking jokes,” Logan scoffs before turning his back to him, walking towards your still unconscious form.

“Hey hey! You stay away from my pookie bear, you hear me?” Wade warns as he cocks his gun pointing it at the back of Wolverine’s head.

“Or what?” He dared the man to continue.

Wade lowers his gun as he realizes how fast the situation was starting to escalate, his eyes dart back and forth between you and the very ready to rip his guts out Wolverine before he curses to himself. After putting his gun away, Wade raises his hands up in the air as a way to appease Logan as he began to warily approach him.

“Look, we don't have time for this alright? If we don’t make it back to that Paradox asshole. Everyone I know is going to die,” Wade starts to explain the situation to him but Logan rolls his eyes as he turns back around, continuing to walk towards you.

“No, my fucking problem,” Logan replies coldly as he waves him off.

Wade felt his blood boil. He was never a patient man, nor a very nice one, but compared to this guy? He was a fucking saint. It was an insult to everyone that his Anchor being replacement had to be such a dick.

“Is that what you said when your world went to shit?” Wade shoots back to Wolverine, stopping him in his tracks again.

“Come again?” Logan growls, turning back to face him.

“Yeah, I heard all about you.” Wade began as he turned around, becoming increasingly exasperated by the situation at hand, ”You screwed up everything, but you really should be thanking me for pulling you out of that bed you shit-“

Wade let out a scream as searing pain shot through his body. Looking down he sees the infamous adamantium claws of Wolverine protruding through his chest.

“Oh, you backstabbing son of a bitch!” Wade grunts in agony as he’s hoisted in the air again, this time on his back.

Fighting back against the pain, Wade uses his own momentum to flip himself behind Wolverine, throwing them both onto their backs on the ground, the blades of the Wolverine’s claws tearing more of his flesh and bone on their way out as he did so. Without missing a beat Wade pressed his guns against Wolverine’s sides and shot out several rounds as the older man let out a guttural scream of pain.

“Are you ready to be calm now?” Wade asks almost mockingly, guns still pressed to Wolverine’s ribs.

He’s met immediately with a headbutt, no doubt breaking his nose underneath the mask.

“Fuck!” Wade swears in pain as Wolverine rolls off him.

Not giving Wade any time to gather his bearings, the older mutant grabs him by his ankles before throwing him into a wall. Wade heard the bones in his arm snap as he crashed through the cement wall, tumbling backwards against a sunken monument that seemed familiar to him. Wade groaned as he stumbled back up to his feet, his arm snapped back into place painfully as he reloaded his gun.

“I don’t want to fight you, Peanut! Doesn’t matter what you did. I just need your help.” Wade called over to Wolverine as he stood across from him in the wasteland.

“I don’t fucking care,” Logan snaps back as he spits out a smoking bullet, the rest falling from his torso, his healing factor working over time to push them out.

“Fuck, this is gonna hurt,” Wade says more so to himself than anyone else, “Alright! Fuck it! Let’s give the people what they came for!”

“Let’s fucking go,” Logan says as he crouches down to his knees, readying himself for whatever Wade was about to throw at him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You take a sharp much needed inhale through your nose as the final bone in your spine snaps back into place. Sputtering out a cough you sat up bltrying to block out the blinding light of the sun with your hand as a headache pulsed through your skull. Looking around you slowly take in the dilapidated scenery around you.

Where the hell were you? You thought to yourself as you looked down at your watch to check the time.

The screen was broken, a crack having spiderwebbed across the screen. You weren’t exactly sure when it had broken but from what you could tell from when it had stopped working it was well beyond midnight.

“Oh I’m so fucking fired tomorrow,” You say with a groan as you rise to your feet dusting yourself off.

The sound of shouting and rapid gunfire drew your attention in the distance. Approaching the sound as cautiously as you could, you peek over a mound of rubble to find Wade being held down by an enraged Wolverine with Wade’s katanas and baby knife sticking out of him, reminding you of a human pin cushion.

“Let’s see you grow your fucking head back!” He shouts as he goes to sink his claws into Wade’s throat.

Picking up the first thing you see laying around you run up behind the Wolverine hitting him in the head as hard as you could, breaking the branch in your hands on impact. With a heavy grunt, he stumbles off of Wade onto the ground.The Wolverine clutches his ear as he snaps his head up to glare at his assailant. The rage in his eyes shifts to shock as you stand over wade protectively, glaring down at him with your broken branch raised high and at the ready for you to swing at him again if need be.

Snapping out of his daze, Wolverine gets to his feet and with his claws sheathed going to strike the red suited clown again, when hastily Wade rises to his feet, immediately moving you behind him with his hands raised up in surrender.

“Wait, wait, I can fix it! I know how to fix it!” Wade shouted at the Wolverine not willing to put you or himself in the Wolverine’s wraith.

“Fix what?” Wolverine asks has he slowly starts to lower his fist as he looks back and forth between you two.

“Whatever it is that you did that made you so bad! Those freaks in the TVA, they have the power to end our universe, but they can also change yours!” Wade says pushing you further behind him, not liking how the man was eyeing you.

Logan looks between the two of you incredulously as if trying to understand if what Wade just told him was true or not.

“Well?” He asks gruffly, eyes now completely focused on you.

Realizing he was talking to you and that your answer might be his deciding factor on whether or not to help you, you take a deep breath as you walk out from behind Wade who looks at you skeptically for a moment.

“We just traveled the multiverse trying to find you because of the TVA,” You began with a surprised chuckle still reeling in that fact that you actually did do that as you returned Logan's intense gaze,“Until today I didn’t think any of this kinda stuff was possible… But it is so I believe him,” You said exchanging a look with Wade as you finish, he nods his head to you almost in thanks.

Logan stares at you a bit longer before letting out a frustrated huff as he looks away, sheathing his claws. You nearly let out a beath of relief at the sight until the older man resumed his attention on you two again. The Wolverine looked back and forth between the two of you as he felt his nerves starting to grate again.

“How the fuck do you know this clown?” Logan asks annoyed, his fists were down at his sides but still balled up ready to fight again if he needed to.

Peeking over Wade’s shoulder, you part your lips about to answer him when suddenly you're cut off by a new voice.

“Hey! We fight each other, we lose,” Said a voice from above you all.

Puzzled, you all look up in the direction the voice came from.

“Who the hell is that?” You asked scrunching your face up in confusion as you use a hand to block out the harsh rays of the sun from your vision.

“Dear God its him…” Wade said, astonished.

“Who?” You asked as you and Wolverine share a confused glance.

Above you, on a worn down billboard, stood a man. He was covered in loose fitting dark clothes with a hood draped over him, blocking his face from view.

“That my little chocolate drop is the One. The superhero equivalent to comfort food or molly. White guys’ answer to all the disappointments in another A-lister,” Wade went on rambling as the cloaked man jumped down and landed before the three of you.

“Now that’s a superhero landing!” Wade clapped as the cloaked man turned to point out into the desert

“They're coming,” The man said.

Alarmed, you all look in the direction of his focus. On the horizon you all could see three cars speeding towards you, all three of the giving off serious Mad Max vibes.

“Well they’re definitely driving angry,” Wade joked, though you could tell by the drop in his voice that he was assessing the entire situation very much aware of the danger you two were about to be in.

“I got this,” The cloaked man said pulling down his hood to reveal a familiar face, “Stay close.”

“Aye aye, Cap,” Wade says walking up behind him to wrap his arms around the man before he pulls them off of him awkwardly.

As the cars neared they circled around the four of you a few times, some of the men blew out crude whistles making you cringe in disgust as you clutched your broken branch to your chest. Finally they stopped, their vehicles parked around you, caging you four in.

“Cassandra is going to be giddy when she sees what we caught!” A man with stringy greasy hair grins, showing off his filthy teeth to the group, “You know you can’t run.”

“You see anyone running, dick for brains? You’re not gonna love what happens next,” The cloaked man retorted.

“Oh my god, he’s going to say it!” Wade says smacking one of his katana’s that still protruded from the Wolverine’s chest.

Logan stumbled back a bit with a weak ‘ah fuck’ as you instinctively reached out to steady him. He turned his head to look at you as soon as he felt your hands on him. You held his eyes for less than a second before abruptly removing yourself from him, now focusing on looking at anything else but him.

“Avengers Assem-!” Wade begins to shout as if anticipating what the cloaked man was about to say, however that’s not what he said at all.

“Flame on!”

“Sorry, what now?”

The cloaked man shot out into the sky in a ball of fire. He hovered over everyone for a moment before blasting out a stream of fire directly at the greasy man that had spoken before. The greasy man grins as he holds his hand out, absorbing the flames before he twists his fingers cutting off the cloaked man’s power like a faucet. The man barely had a second to register what happened before he began his miserable descent from the sky. He hit the billboard he was standing on before twice before flopping on the ground, completely unconscious.

“We don’t know that guy,” the Wolverine was quick to say.

“We thought we did,” Wade agreed as he looked over the unconscious man before turning back to the group of thugs.

“Oh but I know you,” A beastly looking man with pitch black eyes said as he dropped down to their level from atop a car.

His dark orbs were fixated on Wolverine, who returned his glare with his own as he bared his teeth at him with a growl.

“Holy shit… Sabretooth… your brother,” Wade said, a hint of excitement in his voice as he looked between the two.

“Ready to die?” Sabertooth asked as he stalked towards them, eyes never leaving Wolverine.

“Wait! Wait! Wait! Time!” Wade calls out as he begins to remove his weapons from Wolverine’s body giving him a long winded nonsensical pep talk in normal Wade fashion.

“Shut the fuck up!” Wolverine growls out, shoving him back into you.

What an asshole you thought to yourself with a scrunched up face.

The Wolverine lowered himself into a fighting stance before the two mutants lunged for each other. The two collided briefly in the middle as the familiar sound of metal tearing against bone and flesh rang through the air, before sliding past each other entirely. Both brothers stood on opposite sides of the dry field.

“What is it, girl? Is there trouble at the well?” Wade mocked with an innocent tilt of his head.

You might’ve laughed at the Lassie reference if it wasn’t for the fact that not a second later Sabretooth’s head rolled off his shoulders and right at your feet. You scrunched up your nose again, turning your head away in disgust as Wade picked it up.

“Behold! The head of your precious Queen, Furiosa! I have the Wolverine! I alone control her! You come for me! You come for her!” Wade declares as he raises the head in the air like a prize before he leans over into Logan’s ear, “I’m so sorry. I know it’s pronounced him. I’m gender blind. It’s my cross to bear.” Logan simply rolls his eyes at him.

“Who’s next?” He challenges looking around at the men who were left, waiting for someone to step up to him.

The greasy man let out an amused chuckle before calling out to one of his partners “Toad! You’re up!”

You look towards the other mutant and resist the urge to cringe again as he shoots out his slimy green tongue and pulls a lever. Instantly it activates a giant metal magnet that drags both Wade and Wolverine off their feet and into its pull.

“Wade!” you called out, unaware as a giant sentinel leg comes flying at you from behind, stunning you as it flies towards your companions, carrying you with it.

“Oh fu-“ Was all Wolverine had managed to get out before you and the sentinel leg crashed into him and Wade, knocking out the three of you on impact.

[wonderbatwayne]

Urm I guess I’m back on my bullshit. Go gentle with me, I’m VERY rusty and I’ve never written for Logan and Laura before so it might take me a minute to get a handle on them but I’m working on a thing. Because father daughter duo angst is a must!

Coming later this week!

Sneak peek incoming:

[asheurbanipal]

Alone in the dark but now you've come along

Original Ao3

Next episode>>

Summary:

Fuck. Hell. Shit. "If you're going to ask to move back in: the answer's yes. If you're going to ask me to bend over: the answer is fuck yes. But we should keep it down so we don't traumatize the youth." Logan slapped a hand across his mouth. "Yeah, just like that," Wade said, muffled. "Gotta let me turn around first." "I have a job for you, but you have to listen to me. Can you do that?" ###   Things don't suddenly become easier when you save the universe. There's all this shit like...emotions...to get through. Which complicates things when Logan rejoins the X-Men if only for the amenities.

Deadpool/Wolverine

Explicit

Words: 5,716

One-shot (series incoming?)

Content: light angst, fluff, mild smut, hand and mouth stuff with male anatomy, anal sex, fighting as a metaphor for sex

No no it’s cool. It’s totally cool for you to fuck off to the X-manor. It’s your home, after all.

Wade slammed a tennis ball into the side of the building, but the thing that rolled back was an exploded piece of rubber. The last one had shattered a brick. The one a few back had gone through the plaster in the dining-living-kitchen, forcing Al to quite literally kick his ass all the way downstairs into one of the back alleys.

“Just take your sweaty, glistening tits and go be an X-Men again. It’s cool. Great. Awesome.” He went to grab another ball from the plastic bag to find it empty. “FUCK.” The profanity stopped a woman with her stupid little dog and mangy-ass baby as she passed by with a stroller, her face frozen in disgust.

“Can’t a man mangle his balls in peace?” he barked, and that prompted her to scurry off back down the sidewalk. 

He leaned against the wall and dropped down until he was sat on the dirty pavement, legs splayed haphazardly. The tennis ball thing was supposed to be a healthier coping mechanism with stress that wasn't punching something in the face. 

Go to therraaaapppy. You'll find some healthier outlets.

"Well, I did, Vanessa. And it's not helping. I saved the goddamn universe , and it didn't matter." 

They had only been back a few days when he realized it. That whatever want he had for Vanessa was…well it's wasn't gone. It was just…just different. Now he just wanted her to be happy, and he was starting to realize that might not be with him. Not anymore. The whole disintegrating into atoms then recombobulating had put things into perspective. 

But something else had changed. Maybe it was that first adamantium claw between the ribs. He touched his chest, trying to imagine it again. There was nothing quite like the first time someone was inside you, though. One of his tiny little knives flicked out from the knee pocket of his cargo khakis. He stabbed it into the top of his thigh, hissing with the sharp impact. 

"Nope. Not quite." He yanked it free. He considered the tear in his pants, watching the hole in his skin close up nice and tight. Nope. It hadn't been the claws. It had been the penetration. That's where it had started. When they first dropped into the Void. When he had sunk his blade into Wolver-fucking-rine's calf, knowing full well he'd recover all fine and dandy. When Wade realized that he had met someone who could take it. He still didn't know what it was. Wade didn't have the capacity to label emotions beyond "mad" or "a little horny" or "excited" or "extremely horny." 

It was the more wordless emotions that had offered Logan a couch to sleep on and a promise they'd work together to figure out what Logan's new life looked like. Then barely a month later, when things were just starting to get comfortable, when "happy" was starting to shift into "content" the bitch-ass mother fucker had to go and get offered a place back on the X-Men. 

Wade stared at the tips of his sneakers, wishing he could go back to the time when there wasn't a Logan-shaped empty space in his life. 

####

Logan stared up at the ceiling of his room replaying the conversation. On the phone Hank McCoy was explaining, in arduous detail, how there would always be a place for him on the X-Men if he wanted it. And that space on the team came with a room in the mansion. Despite the overflow of details, there was a hesitation. 

"Hank," Logan had said, dropping onto the couch that had been doubling as his bed for a few weeks. "I'm not your Wolverine. You're not my Beast. We don't have to do this." There was a scuffle on the other side of the phone. 

"Listen buttfuck." It had been that Negasonic kid. He liked her. Reminded him of Rogue and Kitty and Jubilee and fuck he never questioned the number of teen girls that seemed to hover in his shadow. How did no one ever point out how creepy that must have looked from the outside?

"Stop being a whiny little bitch-baby and rejoin the X-Men. The minute they heard you were alive in, like, a different dimension all of the old fucks have been talking about having you on the team again." A chorus of objections over "old fucks" had swelled up behind her. "So do fucking whatever, but they want you here." 

He threw a tennis ball up at the ceiling, and caught it again. It didn't feel like they wanted him there. Hank told him to skip training. To take it easy after everything that happened in the Void. Hey, maybe stay behind for this one and watch the kids.

Three weeks. Three weeks in this room. 

He slammed the ball toward the ceiling again in hopes of not remembering the next part. 

"Hey, babygirl, who was on the phone?" Wade had emerged from the single shared bathroom, Hello Kitty towel swung low around his hips, freshly showered. His body had dropped close on the couch, hands resting brazenly on his knee. 

The scent memory hit him hard. Clean and fresh with strawberries on top. He'd never met a grown man who used strawberry scented soap. It was such an impossible. Everything about Wade seemed impossible.

Mostly that any one person could talk so much while saying so little. 

He threw the ball again, this time spearing it with one of his claws on the down swing.

There was so much blood on these hands. So many people dead because of these claws. But not Deadpool. Not Wade Wilson. Logan had sunk metal blades into the interstitial spaces of Wade's ribs, and he had thanked him for it. Not in words, no. His words were sharp and sardonic. It was the way his body had writhed and squirmed, how even the shape of his mask had magically gone wide-eyed in delight. Of the very real…physiological reactions…

Wade was a fucked up guy, but that sensation stuck around, clinging to the metal plating in his bones. That sense of something having changed in him. 

Then he had to go and fuck it up. 

Wade was too loud. Too close. Too prone to casual physical affection that Logan had no practice in, anymore. He just needed space. Space to figure out who he was, now, in this timeline. To figure out how to feel emotions again beyond "mad" and "angry" and "seething with rage" and "drunk." 

"They invited me to rejoin the X-Men," he had told Wade, avoiding looking at him head on. Wade was an idiot, but he wasn't stupid. There wasn't a reason to drag this out. "And it comes with my own room in the house. And with an apartment this size, you don't need me taking up space."

Wade's hands had gone tight on his thigh, that Deadpool strength coming through. 

"Peanut butter jelly time, if it's just about the sleeping arrangements, that's nothing a little trip to IKEA--"

"Look." Logan hadn't actually wanted to yell. To get sharp and cold. But he had seen what was coming, and he couldn't do it. Not again. Not after what they'd been through to get to this point.

"I like you, Wade." He let his fingers gently touch the back of Wade's neck. It was probably a bad idea. It would probably make all this worse. "I would like to keep liking you. And the Void was a pretty good indicator that when we're pent up together, we get a little rabid." The memory of the all-leather interior of a sensible family vehicle scraped at his palms. 

Wade had drifted, mouthing something into space to an audience only he could see. Logan had touched his cheek, and he snapped back. 

"Whatever you say, sugar tits!" But his fingernails had been digging deeper and deeper into Logan's knee. He released his hands and stood. "But I was going to convince Al to implement full-frontal Tuesdays." He started backing up, twitching his towel in the sway of a mock high kick. "You're going to be missing out on all this." Then he had skittered into the bedroom, slamming the door hard enough to rattle the walls and piss off the neighbors.

Logan was gone by the next morning. 

Logan stared down at the tennis ball still stuck on his claw.

"Fuck. It's too quiet." 

"Logan." Hank rapped on his bedroom door. He jumped from the bed as though that would hide he was sulking. What was left of the ball flopped to the floor as he returned his claws to his hands. 

"Yeah, it's open. What do you need?" But he met Hank as the door was opening, his blue furry face set with grim determination. 

"We've got something we need you for."

#####

Oh okay just walk in you like you own the place you sexy sonofa- "Hi, Yukio."

"Hi, Wade!"

They touched their fingertips together, then palms, then hips bumping, then a series of complex movements that Wade knew he would guard with his life .

"When did you even have time to come up with a secret handshake with my girlfriend?" Negasonic did that adorable little eyeroll that made him want to simultaneously punch her in the face and hug her until she died from asphyxiation. Either way....

"Shshsh. A magician never reveals his secrets." She punched him in the shoulder as she passed through into the apartment, beelining for the kitchen-dining-living room table to start picking over the monthly taco night spread. Behind them, though, was Logan, and Wade couldn't pull away. His eyes followed him as he sauntered in through the door, hips swaying, arms crossing over his wide chest. 

Shit. Fuck. Cock. Profanities in a thousand different languages he didn't know.

"Hey, bub." Logan's voice was rumbly and low, sitting in his chest. 

"You were supposed to come back and visit, Wolvie," Wade found himself whining. "But I guess you've been too busy. With your X-Men." He threw a few fake punches into Logan's abs. Logan caught his hands, holding them against his chest for a half a moment before dropping them. He closed the door behind him, then signaled to the dark of the hallway. 

"Come over here a minute." He grabbed Wade around the wrist and hauled him around, shoving him into the slight curve leading into the bedroom and backing him up against the wall. His forearms made a V-shape in the span of the hallway, forcing their bodies together. 

Fuck. Hell. Shit.

"If you're going to ask to move back in: the answer's yes. If you're going to ask me to bend over: the answer is fuck yes. But we should keep it down so we don't traumatize the youth."  

Logan slapped a hand across his mouth. 

"Yeah, just like that," Wade said, muffled. "Gotta let me turn around first, though."

"I have a job for you, but you have to listen to me. Can you do that?"

Wade nodded, but Logan didn't trust him enough to actually release his mouth. Good call, honestly. 

"They've got scans of some weird subterranean base upstate."

"Underground?" Wade asked, trying to lick Logan's hand in the process. Dirt and metal. Logan didn't budge. 

"Yes, underground. Shut up. They don't know who it is. Could be an old Hydra unit cropping up-"

"How very Phase one."

"-could be a new Brotherhood of Mutants-"

"Holy continuity, Batman."

"-point being they want to send someone in." Logan pressed a little harder on Wade's mouth before realizing it wasn't working and dropping it.

"So a stealth mission? Can't say I'm usually the choice for the strong and silent type."

"No," Logan sighed. But his heart wasn't in it. There was a little grin there, right on the edge of his mouth. "They have giant robots. They haven't figured out how to sneak past them, so they want to distract them. But that means taking some hits. A lot of hits. The kind of hits only a guy like me can take and survive. Or a guy like you."

Oh? Oh. Oohohohohohhooho.

Wade felt his body heat rising in excitement. 

"I could really use a second set of hands," Logan continued. "Are you interested?"

Yes. Fuck. Yes yes yes yes.

"So you're saying we go in and just…fight giant robots with the expectation we will be getting our asses handed to us."

"Yeah, basically." 

"Hm. Okay let me think about-yes. Yes, absolutely one hundred percent."

"Okay. Good." Logan nodded. For the tiniest fraction of a second, it looked like he was going to say something else. Instead, he lingered his gaze in Wade's for a moment, tapped the walls, then moved out of the hallway. "Oh. Hello, Vanessa."

As he moved, the rest of the room reappeared, and in the middle of it was Vanessa.

"Hi," Wade squeaked out. She moved closer, also standing in the frame of the hallway but so so tiny in comparison. 

"I let myself in," she said quietly, glancing over her shoulder as Logan retreated across the room. She turned back. 

"Good," she said. "Good for you. I think…yeah…I think he's good for you." 

And for the first time in his whole goddamn life he had no idea what to fucking say to that. 

#####

Next to him on the mini-jet, Wade was literally vibrating, knees bouncing up to his chest. Logan dropped a hand to his knee, forcing it to stop. He squeezed, pulling out a tiny squeak from Wade's throat. 

"Do I need to run the details with you again?" he asked. Wade hadn't stopped talking, chattering about just…anything and everything. Any little thought that slid through his head. And it felt…good. It felt good to not have to think about the fight coming up in front of them. He could just listen to the sound of Wade's voice and think about literally anything else. But now he needed to focus. Made sure they were both focused. 

"Nope!" Wade gave him thumbs up, mask eyes squinting into a smile. 

"Are you sure? Because I would be real fucking pissed if you somehow managed to get yourself killed, bub." 

"Girlypop." He dropped his hand on Logan's shoulder. "My little meow meow. We're good. I've got this. I trust you to keep this beautiful ass intact. And I'm certainly not letting anything happen to these sweet things." He groped Logan's chest, squeezing his pecs. He mumbled something else, dipping his head to an invisible conversation partner over his shoulder, but Logan didn't catch it. He never did. 

Logan flexed his hands a few times, forming a fist out of the one on Wade's knee. 

"I'm serious, Wade. I watched you almost die once, and it…" Logan paused and Wade, thank God, actually let him think through his words without filling the silence. "It really fucking sucked."

"Ooooh, what a way with words. A real Chris Claremont." Wade's taunting never came to its full potential power, though. He rolled his hands up to Logan's shoulders again. "It was an honor to die with you once. If it looks like I'm about to check out for real, I'll mercy kill you so you don't have to live in a world without me. One right between the eyes. You won't even see it coming."

"You're such a fucking idiot," Logan laughed darkly. 

"Oh, you love me," Wade clucked through the mask.

"Maybe I do," Logan said, and he felt his body pause, choking on the thought. 

"Wait, wha-" but Wade never got through the thought either before something huge and fiery had hit the plane. Logan's hand tightened on Wade's thigh. They were going down, the mission starting before they expected. 

"It's time," Wolverine muttered, letting his claws free.

"Let's. Fucking. Go." Deadpool replied next to him. 

Watching Deadpool fight, when he could, out of the corner of his eye, was like ballet. Bloody, but beautiful. His body was huge, but it moved through the air, bounced off hard bodies, at soft angles, flipping and slipping like it didn't obey gravity. He felt so clunky, in comparison. No grace. No fluidity.

But of course the chatter. God the chatter. At some point it turned to music, a soundtrack to slash and break to.

And when they paused for half a moment, Deadpool's back to him, the heat blushed over their bodies in tandem, sweat and panting breath caught in the same flow of energy. Deadpool turned his head to drop his chin on Wolverine's shoulder. 

"How much longer until extraction?" he gasped. These assholes didn't go down easily, self-repairing the instant they cut their main servos. This was only a breather, one of the sentinels already picking itself up to charge back across the grass. 

"You running out of stamina?" Wolverine panted back.

"Not a chance, old man." Deadpool rolled his head back against his. "Forgot to set the DVR for Golden Girls is all." 

"Need to get you a smart TV with streaming," Wolverine said, running up to meet the now approaching robot. 

#####

"Was that a quip!? " Deadpool shouted to his retreating back. But oh…there he went. The way those claws just SNIKT then KRRRPTACK right through the metal chassis of the nearest bot. 

It was so SEXY. 

Another bot had put itself together enough to crawl across the grass at him. A single POW , and it went down without a fight. In the meantime, Wolverine had squared up with the next machine, muscles rippling and shaking and bulging with effort. 

Not NOW, boner.

The X-Men's stupid fucking jet came in low just in time, actually starting to reach the end of his rope. He had somehow managed to get away without losing any limbs, but it was getting close. They both leaped heroically through the open gangplank door, landing flat on their faces as the ramps lifted up underneath them. A few other members of the X-Men were somewhere forward in the jet, but the only thing Wade could focus on was Logan's sweating, heaving body next to him. He rolled a little closer. 

"Great job, cum shot." Then he slapped Logan's ass. Loud. It echoed. Logan lifted onto his elbows. 

"Bub, don't slap my ass without consent when I'm in fight-mode. I might stab you on reflex." 

"You promise?" 

Logan chuckled. Then it was a laugh, rippling and echoing and dark and real . 

"One minute of silence, then you get to talk again, okay?" He threw his arm over Wade's shoulders. He was fucking heavy . All that fucking metal on his bones. Wade made a zipping motion over his lips as best he could laying down. He would grant him that. 

#####

"Wade…did you undress me?" Logan asked sleepily, the sunlight pouring in through the window. 

"Thank you, Wade, for not letting me sleep in my grody-ass suit. You're so thoughtful." Wade was sitting in one of Logan's robes next to him on the bed, ankles crossed as he read a magazine. 

It hadn't really been a question, when they dropped the jet through the basketball court, that Wade would just sleep over that night at the manor. While there were most certainly spare rooms in the adult wings, their bodies, hanging off each other in a post-adrenaline haze, had worked on instinct. And instinct said to pull their bodies close together and fall into bed. 

Wade must not have fallen asleep as quickly as Logan had. He hadn't even dreamed. 

At least he was still in his briefs. He wouldn't have put it past Wade to strip him totally naked.

"Oh, I considered taking off the underoos, too, but I thought I'd leave you a little dignity," Wade said with a quick clip. "Though I won't deny I might have considered taking a quick peek down under. But, you know…consent." 

"'Preciate it," Logan murmured. He shuffled across the bed, his body feeling the after-effects of such an extended fight. The healing factor couldn't fix everything immediately, and the stiffness was one of them. He dropped an arm across Wade's lap and pulled his face up close to his body. "Did you shower?" 

"Yeah. And that is…holy shit. I don't blame you for moving out if that's the bathroom situation."

"It's not the same." 

"What was that?" 

Logan growled.

"It's not the same. You don't smell the same as when you shower at home." 

"Well, unless you've got some Korean skin care sitting around, there's not much I can do about that." Wade dropped his hand to move it through Logan's hair, forming it into twisting and curling shapes. He could have laid there forever, but the sticky post-evaporated sweat was creeping over him. He needed to shower. He needed to shower then have a semi-serious conversation with Wade. 

"You said you loved me on the jet," Wade said quietly. 

Or they were doing this out of order. 

"I need to shower," Logan replied, moving onto his elbows then knees to roll out of bed. 

"That's not a very romantic response," Wade pouted. 

"No, I know. But I can't have this conversation, yet. So you don't leave. In fact." And he had no idea what he was thinking but he picked up a nightstand and moved it in front of the door. 

"I can just…I can move that, too."

"It's fucking symbolic," he growled as he disappeared into the bathroom. 

#####

He's lost his goddamn mind. 

Good? 

Wade shuffled to the edge of the bed, sitting on the corner. He had only barely slept, waking up in the middle of the night with the stark awareness of Logan's body wrapped around his. He had laid there like that for a very very very very long time, listening to Logan's breathing. It had shuddered a few times in the night. At one point he had started rabbit kicking, deep in a dream. At the end, he had pulled Wade in tighter. 

It was only when Logan let him go ever so slightly at dawn that Wade had wriggled out, undressed him, showered, then found a robe to dress himself in. The instant he crawled back into bed, Logan had wrapped his big beefy arms around him again. 

He had only rolled over for maybe ten minutes when woke up. 

I'll be saving that information for when I need to blackmail him. 

He dropped his fingers to the tie of the robe and let it fall open, exposing his naked body underneath. When Logan came out of that shower, he was going to either be repulsed or overcome with lust. Either way, Wade needed to punish him for moving out without permission.

#####

Logan rested his head against the closed bathroom door, showered, towel around his waist. 

"I think I'm falling in love with you," he whispered to himself a few times. "And I don't actually want to be apart from you. But I'm also worried about us living on top of each other. No…no he's going to turn that into a sex joke. Fuck this beautiful man and his mouth. Shit I want to fuck his mouth. Fuck." He pounded on the door. "Calm down." 

"Sugar bear?"  Wade was still there, at least, and on the bed. That gave him about six feet of breathing space. 

"Wade," he said, opening the door. Then he drew up short. Wade was naked, sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning back, legs casually hanging off. 

"That's not fair," Logan said quietly.

"Oh what you can't have a serious conversation when I'm in--" he crossed one leg over the other "--the buff."

"Yes," Logan replied. 

"Why? Are you overcome with luuuuust?"

"Yes." 

"Well, then…wait, really?" 

But Logan was at the edge of the bed, pushing Wade down at the shoulders, his own towel dropping to reveal he was hard as a rock. It wasn't just his dick, though, it was everything. Every part of his body was full of tension. He slammed a hand over Wade's mouth preemptively. 

"I'm gonna fuck you. And you can be as loud and chatty as you want the whole time. But then you're going to let me talk to you about something. Okay, bub?" Wade nodded under his hand, and he let him free. 

"I'm gonna suck your cock first, then we'll negotiate." Then Logan was reminded just how strong Wade actually was as he pushed him over on his back, aiming them right on a pile of pillows. He slid down, and with a hiss and a slither, his mouth went quick over Logan's dick, taking him all the way down to the hilt. 

#####

Wolverine's cock is in my mouth. Shit fuck shit fuck shit fuck fuck. 

I'm in love with Wolverine, and his cock is in my mouth. 

I'm in love with Logan. And I'm sucking his cock. And he's getting harder and harder and harder fuuuuck. 

Logan's hands slid around the side of his head, thumbs brushing his ears, fingers caressing the nape of his neck, purposefully touching on each of the bumps and scars, tracing them. Memorizing? What a freak.   

He slipped his fingers down until they were cupping the underside of Logan's balls, and he rolled them back and forth as he worked the shaft. He licked a stripe up the underside, then folded back down again, sucking and nipping at the head of Logan's cock. It had been awhile since he'd been up close and personal with this specific style of anatomy, but it was like fucking a bicycle. 

Logan let out a groan, signaling Wade was right on track. His hands went tighter around the back of Wade's head and pushed him down, fucking up into his mouth with hard thrusts. 

"Wade," Logan growled. 

"Yes, daddy?" Wade replied through a full mouth. But he just repeated Wade's name over and over again softly, like a prayer. He hadn't even touched himself, and he was ready to come just with that. Wade scraped his teeth over Logan's cock, and hollowed out his cheeks to increase the pressure. 

"Wade," he hissed again, pumping up harder and harder into Wade's throat. He came like an explosion, filling up Wade's mouth all the way to the back of his teeth. 

But he kept going. He couldn't stop. He needed Logan to get hard again as fast as possible. And if their healing factors were anything alike, this would do it. 

I need him inside me. 

#####

"Wade." Logan pried Wade's head from his crotch and hauled him up by the shoulders. His fingers pressed around Wade's jaw and aligned their faces. "Slow down. We have time." 

Wade panted, resting his forehead against Logan's, sticky semen glazing his lips. He leaned forward and pecked the corner of Wade's lips. He breathed it low to himself slow down we have time. He gently captured Wade's mouth, tasting himself along the sides of his tongue and the tops of his teeth. Wade responded in kind but with a more frantic pace, pushing into Logan's mouth, trying to eat him from the inside out, it felt like. 

His hands dug into Logan's hair, curving through the curls, gripping tight, trying to pull their bodies even closer as he climbed into Logan's lap. Logan drifted his hand down around Wade's dick, and he responded with a whimper into Logan's mouth. Logan stroked Wade, thumb circling the tip in gentle whirls, languidly pumping through the entirety of his length. 

Wade was the one who started growling now, his teeth gnashing like an animal. His hands drifted down Logan's neck, over his spine, finally digging into Logan's back. Logan arched against the feeling, pressing their chests together. 

"You said you were gonna fuck me," Wade complained into his neck. Logan squeezed his ass in response. 

"Working on it." His dick was certainly almost ready again, erections starting to bob against each other. "Bottom drawer, on the right side, ornate black box, lube and condoms." 

"You just keep that around? You dirty dog." Wade went diving for it, though, hanging upside off the bed to find it. 

"Easier to stock all the adult rooms with…accouterments…" 

"How progressive and sex positive." Wade pulled himself back up. He fumbled with the bottle, worried nerves affecting the grip in his hands. 

"Give it." He pulled it softly from Wade's hands. A dollop dropped into his palm, and he warmed it with his other hand over the top. He nuzzled Wade's neck, raking his teeth over Wade's skin as he reached around for his entrance. He slipped down, circled, then curled one finger inside. Wade keened, high-pitched and whimpering, biting his bottom lip as he pressed his face into Logan's shoulder. 

"Does it hurt? Do you want me to slow down?" Logan murmured into Wade's ear. 

"If you don't keep going, right now, I will baby knife you in the kidney." Wade sunk his teeth into Logan's shoulder to punctuate his point.

Logan responded by rolling Wade onto his back, half slamming him into the mattress. A second finger, then a third, he could feel Wade opening for him like a warm welcome. He pressed Wade's knees to his chest, then positioned the tip of his cock at Wade's entrance. Wade arched his back as Logan sunk into him. 

#####

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckf cufkc ufkc fuck fuck fcufk cuf fuck fukc ufkfkuflkc fuck fuck. 

Logan's hand was stroking his cock lightly. Just the tiniest touch. While he moved in and out in an even rhythm. Long, slow, maddening strokes. 

"Put a baby in me," Wade gasped. Logan dropped lower, almost flat against Wade's body. Wade kicked his ankles up and locked them around the small of Logan's back. "Right in the cervix I don't have." He murmured.

"I'm regretting giving you permission to say whatever you want."

"You love it."

"I do." Logan smiled against Wade's mouth, turning it into a deep kiss. 

There that was again. 

#####

Logan pounded into Wade, picking up speed as he hinged on his knees. He had all these words locked inside, praises and poems, things he wanted to lavish over Wade's body. 

"This feels so good," was all he could find, growling deep next to Wade's ear. Wade responded with a choked noise and a weird laugh. 

"I don't…" Wade started. "Fuck-knuckles I have nothing, babe. I'm tapped out of witty banter." 

Logan pushed into him harder.

"If I'd know this is what it took, I'd have fucked you in that minivan." Logan nibbled along Wade's jaw. 

"Oh a pity fuck wouldn't have worked. I need deep sensuous, love-making for this kind of mind wipe." He rolled his hips up to take Logan in even deeper. 

"I can do deep," Logan said, and proved it with another thrust. 

#####

Fuck shit fuck. Cock. So close. He needs to touch…fuck….

#####

The orgasm came dry and quick this time, but it shuddered out of his body with shaking muscles and tense ligaments. He leaned back, still inside, and watched as Wade squirmed below him, still reaching for the top. He took Wade's dick in his hand and began to stroke.

#####

Fuck. 

Fire. Burning my brain. 

Lights popping behind my eyes. 

Spinning, turning, careening, every part of my body is on fire. 

Logan.

…Logan…

Logan Logan Logan Logan 

Wade's whole body squeezed in climax as Logan stroked him to completion, pulling every dark thing out of his body through his cock. He collapsed back on the bed. 

#####

Logan pulled out slowly, grabbed Wade around the waist, and dragged his limp body to lay on top of him. Wade nuzzled into his neck. 

"I need to tell you something, darling," Logan murmured. His fingers ran up and down Wade's back, tracing the ridge of his spine. 

"I love you," Wade said. "Maybe." He clarified. 

"Okay maybe we don't, actually…" 

"No, you get about twenty minutes of post-nut clarity out of me," Wade objected, lifting onto his elbows. "And I'm maybe falling in love with you. That's what you keep wanting to say to me, but you're too chicken shit to do it. So I'm saying it first." He dropped back down in a huff. "And I'm only saying 'maybe'--" He lifted his head again "--because I'm not sure if I can say definitely, yet. The last 'definitely' didn't work out in the end, so I'm working on it." He dropped down.

"That's all the emotional intelligence you get from me for the rest of the year," Wade mumbled into Logan's shoulder. 

Logan kept to his ministration of Wade's spine, soft touches with no pressure behind them. 

"Yeah. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. That maybe I'm falling in love with you, too." He fell silent, wondering what Wade would do in the gap. Nothing. He was waiting for more. "That's why I left. I didn't know the guy who was falling for you. I thought if I was in the X-Men again, I'd figure out who that person was. Then everything would just be…cleaner.

"But it didn't work. I'm not their Logan. I'm your Logan." He sighed. "So now I'm not sure what to do."

"Well, I'm not anybody's specific dedicated Wade, so you can have that one." Wade sat up, propping up on his wrist to look around the room. "And you need to keep these digs. Because if you're gonna keep blowing my back out, this is way nicer."

"They don't usually…encourage…overnight guests to an excessive degree." 

"Then I'll become an X-Men. Duh. Easy…wait…am I a mutant in this version? I keep forgetting. But I mean…close enough right? Or we just get married. They can't kick me out if I'm your wife."

"We should probably get past the 'maybe' part of I love you, first, darling."

"Ugh fine, whatever." Wade flopped back down. "Wake me when it's breakfast time, honey badger." Then he didn't fall asleep, but he fell quiet, the gears turning silently. And Logan laid there with him, in the silence, trying to figure out what kind of man to be for him. 

#####

My Logan My Logan My Logan My Logan…

[angelic-writer]

I choose to believe eric survived 1.4 as once ethan unfroze he could've just stopped the bleeding himself and called for help (i mean at least a few people must've been woken up by them) plus it takes a while to die from a slit throat!

Anyways hi did you know I'm from denial land/silly

OooooouuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAGGGGHHHH!!!!

Potential angst/whump incoming!!

Ethan couldn't move. He couldn't even breathe. All he could do was stare at his classmate's body. Eric who was bleeding from a gaping hole in his throat. The garden shears lay discarded on the floor a few feet away from him. Blood pooled out of his wounds, staining the bathroom tiles and seeping into the cracks, turning them into little rivers.

He failed... He failed to save Eric... He answered the woman's riddle, but it was only for Eric to solve. He didn't answer the riddle in time and he paid for it with his own life.

Just like Max.

He could feel his hands begin to shake. Sweat was beginning to form on his skin and his breathing was rapidly increasing. His vision began to darken. His legs threatened to give out from under him.

I failed. I failed. I failed.

Failure failure failure failure I'm a failure I'm nothing but a failure I can't even save anyone

He thought he caught something out of the corner of his eye. He thought he... saw Eric's hand twitch? But that's impossible. He slit his own throat. He was sure he severed all the major arteries. Unless he missed something? He wasn't sure.

When he looked closer, Eric's fingers twitched again. Ethan's breath caught in his throat. "Eri-"

He was cut off by the sound of Eric's weak gurgles. He's alive?! But how- How did-

No time for that! I-I gotta help him!!

Forcing his body to move, he got on his knees, grabbing one of the bath towels and pressed it against the wound, making sure it didn't cut off his breathing. The crimson liquid spread on the white sheet, staining it like blood in the snow.

Eric moved his lips, trying to say something, but all that came out were weak gasps. Blood bubbled out of the corners of his lips. Nonetheless, he mouthed the words "I'm sorry."

"Hey hey hey hey, don't talk. I'll get you help, okay?! Just s-stay with me, alright?!" He yelled out from the bathroom. "HELP!! I NEED HELP!!!"

A few other boys gathered around the bathroom door, one of them grumbling while rubbing his eyes. "Jesus Christ, Ethan, can you keep it down? Some of us are trying to sle-" He was cut off by one of the boys screaming "What the fuck?!"

"Oh Jesus fuck! What happened?!"

"I'll explain later!! Just call 911!!" Ethan screamed.

One of the boys ran back to their rooms, presumably to grab his phone from his nightstand. Ethan turned to one of the taller boys, Logan, he presumed and motioned for him to help. He just stood at the doorway, eyes wide and mouth agape. "Okay, can you tell me what the fuck happened?! Why is Eric-"

"Can you shut the fuck up and help me, please?! He's dying!! Just- Get the towels!"

"Okay okay, jeez!"

Logan stumbled into the bathroom, grabbing another towel as Ethan commanded. Scanning Eric, Logan could see that he had long cuts all over his arms. Judging by the way they were cut, it didn't seem like a deliberate suicide attempt. Pressing the towels against his wrists, Logan could feel Eric's pulse, quick and thready. He held back the bile that was rising in his throat.

"Eric? Eric, hey, y-you still with me? Help's on the way. Y-You're gonna be fine. They'll fix you up. You'll be good as new, o-okay?" Ethan tried to keep his voice steady, but he ended up stumbling on his own words. No matter how much he tried to put on a brave face, he was mortified.

Eric's life was in Ethan's hands. He was still alive, but only by a thread. Only he and Logan were the only ones keeping him from bleeding out. With his free hand, he held Eric's hand, flinching from how cold he was becoming. No no no no no... Please... Please don't do this to me...

"Eric please... Just stay awake... Stay with me..."

Eric's eyes fluttered, trying his best to keep them open. He wanted to talk to him, to say something, but he couldn't. The blood building up in his throat made it hard for him to talk. Still, he knew what he would say to him when he sees him on the other side.

I'm sorry, Ethan... I never paid that much attention to you. You seemed like a cool person to hang out with. You looked so lonely. I wanted to be there for you.

Maybe in another life, we can be friends.

[teamred]

request guidelines

DISCLAIMER // BEFORE YOU SEND A REQUEST IN: 

requests may take a while! please don’t take it to heart if i never get to it, but note that i always try my best to get it done asap. on the other hand, i also reserve the right to reject any incoming requests and may never post requests.

➤ FOR GIFS

movies or tv shows that are related to marvel (especially my favourite characters such as peter parker, matt murdock, steve rogers, wade wilson, and logan howlett) are preferable

interviews, photoshoots, etc. with mcu cast, dceu cast, and other celebrities that are frequent on my blog are also okay

if you've seen a fandom or celeb that i've reblogged often, i'm likely down to gif it!

➤ FOR WRITING

currently writing fics for: wade wilson, logan howlett

open to write for fluff, smut, and angst

i only write for fem!reader and assume all requests are such, but can write for gender neutral!reader if asked

i do not write for the following concepts or kinks (as of typing this - may add more in the future): extreme violence or endangering lives (especially against reader; typical canon violence is fine), yandere, a/b/o, p*dophilia, inc*st, non-con (cnc is fine), mafia au, supernatural (ghosts, spirits, etc.), pregnant!reader, s*x pollen, bimbofication, dd/lg, wax play, blood play, gun play, knife play, hard bdsm, watersports, and scat 

[nathaslosthershit]

~Formula 1 Masterlist~

*Requests open for any of the drivers named below!

~ Series ~

Blind Items

A new wave of rumors has hit the paddock about everyone’s beloved drivers

Teen Dad!Oscar Piastri series

Oscar Piastri became a teen dad to twins when he was 18 years old. Figuring that keeping them from the public would be the best course of action till they were older, Oscar managed to keep them a secret from fans till a gossip page got word. Here is that aftermath.

~ Multiple Drivers ~ The Main Event [WIP] A wedding between Logan Sargeant and the youngest Leclerc child means a very interesting guest list, in which all previous victims of the F1 Blind Items account are included. (Includes separate x reader pairings with Logan Sargeant, Oscar Piastri, Charles Leclerc, Lando Norris, Alex Albon, Lance Stroll, and Lewis Hamilton) ~ Lando Norris ~ Welcome Interruptions

While streaming, Lando gets interrupted by two very adorable and very welcome guests

Unremarkable

Blind Items returns again to ruin yet another happy couple's peace. This time, Lando Norris and his ‘unremarkable’ girlfriend.

Long Distance, Time Flies (slowly)

Long distance relationships are hard, especially when they both have very time consuming careers (2 Parts)

New Neighbors and Interrupted Streams, Media Interrogation

Desperate for new friends, maybe it's time to revert to the tried and true neighborly American cookie exchange. (2 Parts)

“Notice me” “Beg for it”

After what feels like centuries of back and forth, Lando and his McLaren teammate have tired people out with their inaction to do something about their very obvious crushes.

The Café Boy The move to Monaco for your new job wasn't going to be easy, even if you had your best friend by your side, but maybe the cute boy you met in a café can turn your luck around. ~ Oscar Piastri ~ Teen dad Series

Oscar Piastri became a teen dad to twins when he was 18 years old. Figuring that keeping them from the public would be the best course of action till they were older, Oscar managed to keep them a secret from fans till a gossip page got word. Here is that aftermath.

Emotional times

Pregnancy was a time full of hardships. Hormones on high, stress of the incoming baby, and all the sudden changes were what this father-to-be was expecting, ready to face. What he wasn't expecting was having to battle his pregnant wife's newfound sensitivity to everything that could have her emotions changing in an instant

Passenger Princess Piastri Oscar hates driving outside of F1, you are sick of driving him everywhere and have tried everything to curb his obsession with being a passenger princess, but you may have stumbled upon a new method of making him get behind the wheel. (Aka Oscar's wife finds a new upside to her pregnancy) ~ Charles Leclerc ~ The Truth Behind It All , After All This Time

Charles didn't cheat on his ex with his current gf, but due to not wanting to cause further issues with his ex, he can't really come out and give the true story. (2 Parts)

Teenage Angst

Charles Leclerc’s 16 year old daughter, Lila, has had quite the rebellious phase and the Monegasque just can’t figure out what to do. Luckily, his wife has some of the answers.

Celebration baby, literally

8 months after Charles Monaco win, a rumor arrives about just how hard he celebrated

Audacity of Man , Stupidly Charming Charles was never anything but a compassionate and wonderfully loving boyfriend. You always used to brag about how attentive he was... I guess this is karma? Leclerc!Sister Red, White, and Williams' Blue , Oh Brother(s) ~ Logan Sargeant ~ Trips to See the In-Laws

In order to save his teammate from an interviewer with not so innocent thoughts, Alex has to reveal that his thought-to-be-single friend, Logan, is actually in a long term relationship.

Red, White, and Williams' Blue

What happens when the American driver gets outed for dating one of Monaco's It girls who also happens to be the younger sister to one of the Ferrari drivers?

Oh Brother(s)

All Logan Sargeant wanted was a nice and productive conversation with the love of his life’s three annoyingly protective older brothers, was that too much to ask for? (Part 2 to Red, White, and Williams' Blue, but can be read as a standalone)

Some Bad, but a Whole lot of Good

To the fans, it wouldn't be unreasonable to assume the week after his replacement had been hell for newly dropped Logan Sargeant, but to the people who knew him, they weren't worried.

~ Alex Albon ~

Team USA

Blind items is back with a new victim, Alex Albon and his American Mclaren race engineer of a girlfriend. With the news comes a very interesting Team Torque episode.

~ Lewis Hamilton ~ How Old?

A driver, unknown to the public, seems to have found himself a younger girlfriend. There isn't anything morally (nor legally) wrong with the relationship, and the pair are doing quite well in their private bliss, but the internet likes to insert itself in other's business. Luckily, Lewis is doing too good to care about what the internet has to say.

~ Max Verstappen ~ Coworkers?... Something Like That

Working in media for a Formula 1 team, you had expected to be behind the scenes, unseen and unnoticed by fans. But catching the eye of one of the drivers and the very public flirting as a result has thrust you into the spotlight

~ Carlos Sainz ~ Friends? Lovers? Enemies?

Carlos Sainz has had quite a few Blind Items come out about his relationship friendship rivalry something with his childhood best friend. No one can figure out what they are to each other no matter how hard they try, and the couple frinds enemies pair don’t seem to mind one bit.

~ Franco Colapinto ~

First Impressions and Poorly Made Assumptions

Franco fell hard and fast for a girl that is actively trying to keep her distance, but she knows she has already lost that battle.

[too-emotionally-unstable]

rewatching sanders sides and realizing that the order in which the sides revealed their names is the opposite order to visiting each side’s room as a result of that side going through something

Names revealed first in order: Logan, Roman, Patton, Virgil

Rooms visited in order: Virgil, Patton,,,,

From what it seems, Roman is going to be next, and the season final will be with Logan. 👀

[beauty-and-passion]

A New Year of Lying to Myself... In Song!!: Angst incoming

There’s only one thing to say about this episode:

Okay, okay, jokes aside, there is something else to say about this episode.

First of all, the main topic. A new year is starting and, just like everyone else, Thomas draws his conclusions on the past year and ponders about what will come in the next one.

This kind of reasoning always brings topics like future, growing up and changes - all themes that already appeared in the first episodes and will keep appearing throughout the series. I don't want to spoil anything, but let's just say we will see them a whole lot of times.

For now, let’s start with this episode.

_______________________________

“What comes next?”

It’s very interesting that, five years later, in the most recent Have I Grown? video, Thomas asks the (almost) same question. And if we compare the two situations and the words used, the connection is even more powerful.

Let’s start with the setting: A New Year of Lying to Myself is the fourth episode of Sanders Sides. We’re still at the beginning of the series, Thomas is 28 years old, everything is great in his life. He literally started the episode by talking about all the wonderful things he did the year before.

And now that things are going fine and they are great and wonderful, Thomas asks the question that starts everything;

[Thomas]: What comes next?

Why is this question so important? Think about yourself. When you were a child, did you ever EVER ask yourself about the future? Did you ever think about “what will come next?”. Did you even care about the passage of time or even just acknowledge it?

Of course you never did, you were a child! Everything was fine! You still had (have?) a long way ahead, no need to worry about the future.

But then, a moment will come (if it didn’t come already) and you will start thinking about the future. And when you do it, you will worry about it. And this is perfectly natural, because:

It is natural to be scared by the unknown - it might be good or bad. We just don’t know and this is why it might be scary.

Thinking about the future is a necessary step of growing up, because by doing that, we subconsciously acknowledge two fundamental concepts: time and change. Things change and will change and time will make them change. The change might be good or bad, but it will happen anyway, because nothing stops time.

Thomas is 28, so he’s still young. But he’s approaching 30, the first big step of adulthood. And when he looks at the future, he starts showing some worry.

Despite that, we can still see his optimism shine through here: after all those great things he did, who knows how many other amazing things will come in 2017!

And this is the main difference between this question now and the same question, five years later.

In Have I Grown?, Thomas asks the question in a slightly different way and that little change is enough to show how deeply Thomas’ mind changed after all this time.

[Thomas]: What do you think is next, for us?

The words used show a more pessimistic vision of the future. Five years before, Thomas saw the future as something full of new incredible opportunities waiting for him: now he sees it more like a path full of hidden, troublesome possibilities that might hit and throw him into another spiral of dramas, psychological pressure, heavy decisions and huge changes.

And if we think about it, it makes perfect sense his mentality changed this much, especially considering in the last episodes: the sudden appearance of two not-so-accepted Sides of himself, the wedding vs callback decision, Patton’s breakdown, Roman’s incoming breakdown, Logan becoming more and more angry, Orange looming over... Thomas already faced a lot and a lot more is coming. Of course he’s not so naively optimistic about the future anymore.

_______________________________

The looming shadow of angst

Let’s go back to the episode: after asking that question, who is the first Side to reply?

And oh, what a coincidence, who is the first Side who will reply, five years later, to that same question?

The change in this man. Just look at how much he changed.

The physical one is more evident, sure: he went from “literal child with sparkle in his eyes” to a more pessimistic adult. But the psychological one? That's way deeper.

In this episode, Logan’s words were bubbly and optimistic. He replies with a “Good question!” full of enthusiasm. He has ideas and projects and he can’t wait to talk about them.

 Five years later, Logan replies with “You tell me”. Three words made of nothing but pure passive-aggressiveness. No enthusiasm, no big projects. Logan is made or 1% grammar and 99% undiluted passive-aggressiveness. The time for happy projects is gone.

_______________________________

Time passes, things don’t change

Let’s pretend to forget the angst for a moment and come back to the episode. A new year is coming! And, by using Thomas’ words:

[Thomas]: 2016 has evolved into 2017! Or devolved. We don't know yet. We're gonna find out together.

*Laughs in 2022, with a global pandemic raging out*

Our dear, precious Thomas has no idea what will happen in two years and it’s time for some New Year’s resolutions. Logan offers a great starting point:

[Logic]: Good videos come when we set a better lifestyle for ourselves, Thomas. Now, what are some steps we can take to achieve this?

*Laughs in Thomas’ depression from last videos*

A better lifestyle, uh? Definitely something you will achieve, my boy. Everything will be peachy. And, to quote someone who will definitely not appear in season 2, “angst free”.

All Sides pop out and, one by one, they offer their advice for what Thomas should do.

First off, his Logic:

[Logic]: Excuse me, but we were just working out what he needs to focus on this year, which in my opinion, is expanding your mind. Good content will only come to your viewers if you educate yourself.

I will say it now - and probably repeat myself in “Why Do We Get”, but Logan is absolutely, 200% right. Thomas needs to learn more and expand his mind.

First of all, because he’s a goddamn human being. We are beings made of mind and knowledge, we are curious, we are made to know. Not knowing goes against our very essence. So expanding his mind is something fundamental for Thomas as a human.

And then, for the same reason Logan said: Thomas needs to expand his mind and educate himself, not just for him, but to make better content for his viewers.

If we think about it, the real Thomas Sanders actually followed this advice! The series became more mature, Thomas (and Joan) learned more about different themes (like intrusive thoughts). They really expanded their minds, to create better content for their viewers, just like Logan said.

So maybe character!Thomas didn’t follow Logan’s advice, but real Thomas definitely did.

Another interesting detail: in those five years, Logan’s resolution never changed. In “Why Do We Get”, he still asks Thomas to educate himself and learn more. He will keep asking this over and over. He will talk about it over and over. But, as he will say five years later: “The listening is another story”.

_______________________________

Time passes, things don’t change - part 2

Well, what about Thomas’ Creativity? What is his resolution for the new year?

[Princey]: Thomas, as you know, I am your hopes and dreams, and you need to dedicate this year to doing all the things you've ever dreamed of! Travel more! Act more! Create more!

Travel more? *Laughs in 2020*

Thomas’ Creativity hasn’t changed either: just like Logic, all he wants is for Thomas to pursue his hopes and dreams even more. Again, something necessary for every human being. We are creatures made of mind, curiosity and desire for knowledge, sure, but we also need to follow our dreams and express ourselves.

The only problem here is Roman’s inability to see things further. Roman is egoist - and of course he is: he’s Ego and Ego is egoist by nature. But he was so close, SO GODDAMN CLOSE to a contact point with Logic!

What did Logic say before? "Good content will only come to your viewers if you educate yourself.”. If Creativity was just a tiny more far-sighted, he would’ve taken the leap offered by the other Side: Thomas needs to learn more? Sure! He needs to know more? Sure. Why? Because only by learning, he will be able to create more. Only by expanding his mind, he will “travel more, act more and create more”, as he said.

The connection was on a silver plate and Creativity didn’t get it. He kept his resolutions separate from Logic’s, when it could’ve been so easy to connect them and make them stronger: instead of doing something merely for the sake of knowledge or for the sake of creating, Thomas would’ve made something for both.

And maybe, it wouldn't have been just an empty New Year’s resolution.

_______________________________

The irony is strong here

[Morality]: Well, that's all well and good, but how is he supposed to do that when he still needs to work on eating right and taking care of himself more?

And here, my dear friends, we can see a rare case of Morality, Mr. Others First, telling Thomas he should take care of himself.

Just look at how serious he is, while he pulls out a Janus to us. The same guy who will say that friends >>> Thomas’ own life.

But hey, let’s not forget that Morality IS a liar, so even this characterization error makes sense, in its own way.

Just. So. Ironic.

_______________________________

Why did Deceit not show up?

Boring answer: he wasn’t even in Joan’s imagination, so of course he wasn’t present.

But let’s try to find a proper explanation for why he wasn’t here. Well, another explanation besides “he’s playing DDR with the rat boi”.

In order to do it, let’s see what the main argument of the episode was:

[Anxiety]: This whole thing just amuses me, because you're gonna waste all this time picking out goals for the new year, what you need to start doing, or stop doing, and in a month, probably less, it's all gonna be for nothing. You're gonna stop trying and go right back to before. It's all meaningless.

[Anxiety]: Give it up. Resolutions are nothing more than empty promises to yourself. Shouldn't even try.

Janus’ job is pretty complicated, isn’t it? He helps Thomas distancing himself from the lies he tells, so he acts as denial. But he also forced Thomas to stop lying when he pretended to forget about the wedding, so he also acts as truth.

Now, try to imagine him in this episode: what would he do? Fuel the denial, by saying that resolutions aren’t meaningless or confirm they are meaningless and push Thomas to not lie to himself?

Personally, I can’t see him pushing Thomas to lie to himself, not about something so small. The lies Janus kept (and still keeps) are much heavier: he hid entire parts of Thomas’ personality for years. This whole thing about new year’s resolutions is pretty insignificant, if compared to the bigger lies he keeps.

Also, let’s consider that Janus’ appearances are all centered around moments that could bring huge changes in Thomas’ life. Lying to Joan for something Thomas considered so important (Joan’s rehearsal) might’ve led to him losing his best friend. Choosing wedding over callback or viceversa might've changed Thomas’ entire life.

On the other hand, not following his new year’s resolutions... it won’t change a lot. Things wouldn’t be so different.

So I like to think this matter was just too unimportant, for Janus, to push him to introduce himself. Also because he could’ve appeared as a truthful Side and not as the deceitful villain he likes to be.

 And so, he delegated his job to his son Anxiety. And Anxiety did a pretty good job, by forcing Thomas to face the truth and find a better solution, i.e. making more achievable resolutions.

_______________________________

The looming shadow of angst comes back

[Logic]: Now, w-wait a second, this is my turn! This is the video where I come to help!

[Logic]: Unbelievable. This was totally supposed to be my video.

I could name this part “Some things never change part 3″, because this poor man, THIS POOR MAN. That’s just the beginning of five years of being ignored, pushed on the side or not listened to enough.

And if he replies with silence and passive-aggressiveness now, the young Logic still had the strength to protest, as we can see throughout the episode.

[Logic]: You're WELCOME! See, this was MY video, I helped, just me, no one else.

This breaks my heart so much, because all this man ever wanted was to be useful. From this fourth episode and for five friggin’ years, he just wanted to help Thomas. To be useful.

And if we dig a little deeper, maybe we can find the reason for this in Thomas’ career switch: the moment Thomas left his job as chemical engineer is probably the moment Logic lost his role as “leading Side” in Thomas’ life. The sudden loss of his privileged role might explain why he needs so much to be praised and acknowledged for his usefulness - almost as a way for him to compensate for what he lost.

This is just a theory of course, but oh boy, I really hope Thomas will talk about this event in season three.

_______________________________

A resolution that became true

[Princey]: Hey Anxiety, if you had to have a New Year’s resolution, what would it be? [Anxiety]: Probably to find darker eye shadow to better match my soul.

And the funny thing is that he found it.

I’m so proud of you, Virge. You’re one step closer to being the emo nightmare you’ve always wanted to be.

( Support me on Ko-fi )

_______________________________

TAGLIST:

@willpowerwisps @royalprinceroman @reesiereads @mudpuddlenl @shelby-711 @allmycrushesaredead @aquatedia @sweetkirbi @whatishappeningrightnow  @effortiswhatmatters  @atlasistryingherbest @bella-in-a-bag  @doydoune  @miasheer  @forever-third-wheeling @mishanthropist  @corndot @payte @mcang3l  @geekyapollokid  @kawaiipotatuh  @hypnossanders  @idontreallyknow24  @imcrushedbyarainbow  @simplyapannightmare  @patton-cake  @hereissananxiousmess  @purplebronzeandblue  @cynicalandsarcastic  @empressserelene  @dubstepbranch  @chara-073  @lost-in-thought-20  @arobohamster @book-limerence

@riseofthewerewolf @frog-candy-bee @bosspotato01  @rosesandlove44 @methaley @sololad  @firey-alex  @sashootkahoot​ @chewy-rubies @groaaaaan  @croftergamer​ @misty-the-girlflux-mess​  @thedevilseyes​  @arya-skywalker​  @csi-baker-street-babes​ @queen-of-all-things-snuggly

@virgildarknessdementiaravenway​ @mishanthropist​  @dracayd-universe​  @unknown-artworks​   @lonelyfangirl453​  @starlightnyx​ @alienvamp-hesitantflowerface​ @stubbornness-and-spite​  @alittletoo-extra​ @averykedavra  @iloveeverytjing123 @bookedforevermore @joyrose-fandomer @anachronismes @the-cloud-14  @mihaela-tbg @igonnatalknothing

@thatoneloudowl​  @grayson-22​  @softangryfuckingdepressed​ @theotherella​  @boopypasta​ @nevenastark​ @varthandi @floofyconfusednerd @nothing-worth-mentioning @mikalya12 @roses-bubbles @cuter-on-the-inside  @coldbookworm  @orchidstanslogan  @snixxxsmythe  @frog-candy-bee  @holleratyour-buoyancy @alexowlndra  @fadingbagelbananapatrol  @our-bloody-mari666  @cxsmospooks  @riverraysong @sanity-whosshe-neverheardofher  @charmingcritter  @analogical-mess

[seething-fire]

A New Level of Hurt 

Logan's friends keep letting him down

Logan Sanders angst

Warnings: swearing, anxiety, self deprecating thoughts 

Word count: 778

Incoming text from Virgil: 

Hey! Sorry that this is so last minute, but we have to cancel, Lo :( Something just came up… We’ll see you next time tho 

His phone hit the bed with a soft thump. Again? His friends usually canceled the plans he made, but no matter how many times it happened, he was still let down. Why did he even try anymore? 

Collapsing back onto the mattress, he stared at the ceiling. They had no problem following through with the plans they made, but when it came to him, there were so many painfully comical excuses. What was it about him? Was he actually as annoying as he thought? Was he a damper on their fun? What was the problem? 

Mustering up just barely enough politeness to reply, he picked up his phone. 

You sent: 

No problem, Virgil. See you another time. :) 

He couldn’t identify the feeling building in his chest, but he knew it was uncomfortable. Picturing them all sitting around Virgil’s phone, laughing at how gullible he was, the feeling grew worse. 

“Logan’s so fucking stupid! I can’t believe he actually thinks we want to hang out with him.” 

“When is he going to stop inviting us over? I’m starting to feel bad for him.” 

“I’m surprised he keeps believing our excuses, they’re getting pretty bad. But he’s so naive, I bet he actually thinks something happened!” 

His breathing was becoming heavy, and the room started to feel like it was closing in. His friends must hate him, that’s the only explanation, right? 

“No- logically speaking, anything could’ve happened, they’re most likely telling the truth, there’s no need to get worked up.” He thought. 

However, even as logical as he was, nothing could stop the negative thoughts from overtaking the rational ones. 

Tears were collecting in his eyes, but he was trying as hard as possible to resist them. This was such a dumb thing to get upset over. He should’ve known. How could he have been so stupid? 

If Roman, Patton, and Virgil abandoned him, he’d be alone. They were his only friends. Would he be able to deal with being friendless? 

He suddenly remembered some advice he’d once given to Virgil. If you’re anxious, you should find a healthy distraction. 

Looking around his dimly lit room, desperately trying to find something to take his mind off the disappointment and hurt, he came up empty handed. 

His phone made a noise, pulling his attention toward the spot where it had been abandoned. That could be an adequate distraction, right?

Scrolling through the various apps, he opened Instagram. Bad choice. 

The first picture on his feed was of his friends together. It hadn’t been posted today, but last night. 

They were standing in front of an old building downtown, dressed to the nines. 

The caption read: 

Friends who slay together, stay together. 

He didn’t even have to look at the user to know it came from Roman.

Logan figured they hung out without him, and that was okay, but actually seeing it in front of him was a different story. 

Without even thinking about it, his fingers scrolled to the next picture. Thankfully, neither Virgil nor Patton had posted pictures, but he still wished he hadn’t seen it at all. 

He envisioned them mocking him again. Walking around downtown in suits and ties, talking about how glad they were it was just the three of them. 

It was safe to say this “healthy” distraction was not working. He put his phone on silent, shoved it into a drawer, and sat on the floor. 

He’d never been so uncomfortable in his life. That was the only word he could think of to describe this horrible feeling that had made a home in his stomach and now his chest. As he laid back, he realized he’d been shaking and sweating. The hardwood floor felt benevolent on his bare arms, so he removed his shirt in hopes of cooling down faster. 

The thing was, he was let down constantly. It had been happening his entire life, this was something he’d gotten used to. Why was this time any different? 

Did this confirm everything he’d ever thought about himself? 

Maybe he actually was a horrible person who wasn’t worth anyone’s time or attention. That’s why he was always alone. 

He screwed his eyes shut and clenched his jaw, trying to get rid of those thoughts. 

“I think this is a new level of hurt.” He whispered to himself while watching the ceiling fan spin circles over his head.

Watching the fan spin, he was growing sleepy. 

His eyes closed and he felt himself begin to fall asleep. 

[izzyfandoms]

A Sleep So Sweet - Chapter One

(This is not the first chapter. There is a prologue, linked in the A Sleep So Sweet masterpost)

When Emile discovered he was the soulmate of the prince of a magical species known as Beings, he did not know how to react. Beings were terrifying, powerful creatures, who often did not care for humanity, and, in their first meeting, his soulmate, the sleep prince, seemed to be no different.  

Will Emile fall in love with his soulmate, or are they simply not meant to be?

SHIPS: Remile, Date (Janus x Nate)

WARNINGS: N/A

GENERAL TAGLIST: @quillfics42 @aj-draws @phantomofthesanderssides @phlying-squirrel @sly-is-my-name-loving-is-my-game @because-were-fam-ily @imtryingthisout @a-creepycookie @littlestr @spooky-scary-virgil @fuyel @mimsidoodles @soupgremlin @aroaceagenderfluid @birdsbookshiddeninrealbirdsskin @quirkalurk @gingers-trashy-stuff @iinyxtello @justaqueercactus @melodiread @mrbubbajones @pun-master-logan @gayturtlez @k1ngtok1 @yourneighborhooddisaster @alexxander-the-gay @full-of-roman-angst-trash @selfcarejanus

A SLEEP SO SWEET TAGLIST: @spellingwillbethedeathofme

Masterpost

A Sleep So Sweet Masterpost

Emile stared at the soulmark on his wrist, not daring to take his eyes off of it just in case it somehow disappeared. When it had appeared in the middle of the night – waking him up from his sleep – he had been shocked, of course, but he had also been tired, half-convinced it was only a dream.

But now he was completely awake, and the tiny crescent moon and stars were still there, like a small silver tattoo, but just a little bit shinier.

It didn’t even feel real, like he was still just dreaming. He ran his thumb over his wrist, like he was trying to smudge paint, but the soulmark didn’t even budge.

It finally hit him. This was real.

Oh, wow, he had a soulmate.

He had a soulmate!

Emile raised his hand to his mouth, finally letting out a delighted giggle.

“Oh my gosh,” he said to himself. “I have a soulmate!”

Wow. He needed to tell his dads.

He finally took his eyes off of his soulmark, looking around for his phone. He picked it up, turning it on and immediately opening the group chat he had with his two fathers: Nate and Janus Picani. They weren’t soulmates – soulmates were a rare thing, after all – but they were still deeply in love, and Emile had always hoped he’d get a love like that someday.

Now that he knew he had a soulmate, maybe that love wouldn’t be so far away.

Emile couldn’t help but let out another delighted laugh, almost bouncing up and down on the spot.

He began to type out a message to his dads.

Emile

Guess what!!!!

He then waited, his eyes flicking between his phone and his soulmark, checking that it hadn’t somehow disappeared in the last few seconds, which it had not, before he got a response from one of his dads: Nate.

Dad

What?

Emile

I got a soulmark!!!!

Nate immediately started typing again.

Dad

Woah really?

Emile

Yes!!!

Dad  

Hold on lemme grab your other dad

Emile waited, practically vibrating with excitement. He lowered his phone, taking another look at the soulmark on his wrist. It was shiny, almost reflecting the light, and he could not help but smile just taking a look at it.

It almost didn’t feel real, like he was having a very pleasant dream, but when he reached over and pinched a bit of skin below the soulmark, he definitely felt it. It was real.

He smiled.

Father

Congratulations!

Dad

Can we see the soulmark?

Emile opened the camera on his phone, taking a quick picture of his soulmark and sending it to his parents immediately.

He then waited for their responses, seeing that both of them had started typing. Then, they both stopped typing at about the same time, and Emile blinked at his phone.

Why had they stopped typing?

He waited, but they did not start typing again.

He blinked, confused, and began to type out another message.

Emile

Hello?

Then Janus started typing again.

Father

Have you seen the news?

Emile

What news?

Dad

The news about the being prince

Emile stared at his phone, wondering what on earth this had to do with his soulmark.

Beings were powerful creatures – abstract things come to life, like fear or memory – and the Being royalty were especially so. Humanity was lucky that Beings were rare and tended to avoid them, as they were dangerous and often did not care much for them.

They were rarely in the news – often ignored by humanity, as if ignoring them meant that their danger was lesser.

Emile

What news?

He waited, staring at his phone, before he received a link from Janus. He clicked on it, and saw that it was a news article, titled: Being prince has a soulmate?

Emile stared at the headline for a few seconds.

How was that relevant to his own soulmark?

A pit began to form inside of Emile’s stomach, but he pushed down the immediate uncomfortable feelings.

No. This was just a coincidence. So many people had soulmates, though they rarely had Beings for soulmates.  

This was just a coincidence.

He scrolled through the article, skimming over the information.

The Being prince – a magical being: sleep come to life – had found a soulmark on his body. This meant that he had a human soulmate, and he wanted to find them. He had made the announcement public, in the hopes that he would find his soulmate as quickly as possible.

Emile scrolled all the way to the bottom, and his heart stopped when he saw the image at the end of the article.

It was a single image of an eye – pitch black and surrounded by silver skin, with black hair peeking out from the top of the picture – and right in the centre of it was the now-familiar crescent moon and three stars.

Emile gasped, and his phone slipped out of his hand, clattering to the floor.

He almost wanted to swear, but he bit his tongue before he could.  

This couldn’t be real. Now he was certain that he must have been dreaming. This... this was impossible.

His soulmate wasn’t a Being. They couldn’t be.

Immediately, there was a pang of guilt inside of Emile.

Beings might have been powerful, terrifying creatures, but who was Emile to judge them? Sure, some of them hurt people, but most of them never did, as far as Emile knew. Who was he to decide that all of them must be cruel and evil and dangerous?

If the universe had decided that a Being was his soulmate, then that Being, at the very least, had to be a good person.

Well, perhaps person was the wrong word, but they had to be good. The universe wouldn’t have paired him up with someone bad. They were meant to be!

Okay. Emile’s soulmate was a Being – a prince of Beings – and that was... not bad. Maybe it was even good! Maybe his soulmate was wonderful – the soulmate of his dreams! Maybe they would be perfect together.

No, not maybe, definitely. His soulmate was his soulmate. They had to be perfect.

Emile nodded to himself. Okay. This wasn’t bad. This was good! He didn’t need to continue his quest for true love: it was being given to him, right in the palm of his hand.

He took a deep breath, and then bent down and picked his phone back up.

He checked his group chat with his dads.

Dad

Thats your soulmark right?

Father

Are you alright?

Emile wasn’t sure how to respond to that. Was he alright?  

He was excited about having a soulmate. He was terrified that his soulmate would be terrifying and cruel. He was guilty that that was the assumption he’d made about his soulmate. He was just conflicted.

He thought about it for a moment, but before he could respond, his phone lit up with an incoming call from Janus. He blinked, before he answered the call and lifted it to his ear.

“Hello?”  

“Did you read the article?” came Janus’s voice from through the phone.

Emile paused. “Yes.”

There was another pause, before he heard his other dad’s voice through the phone.

“Is that your soulmark?”

“I think so.”

“Okay,” Nate said, his voice calm despite what was going on. “How do you feel about that?”

“I... don’t know.”

“Okay, that makes sense,” Nate said.

“You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Janus said seriously. “You don’t even have to meet him if you don’t want to.”

“I know,” Emile said. “But...”

“But?” Nate prompted.

“I don’t know. I mean- I mean he’s my soulmate, right? I know Beings are... scary. But... he’s my soulmate.”

“He’s a Being,” Janus said.

Nate sighed. “Jan.”

Emile frowned. “I mean, I know, but... he’s my soulmate. He can’t... he won’t be bad.” He took a deep breath. “I mean, how much do we really know about Beings? I know the stories, but they can’t all be bad! My soulmate... he could be good.”

“He is your soulmate,” Nate said. “And you’re the kindest person I know. I doubt you’d be saddled with a shitty soulmate.”

“Still, if he is bad, we need to keep him as far away from you as possible,” Janus said.

"I appreciate it, but I’m an adult now, dads,” Emile said. “I can take care of myself.”

Janus hummed like he wasn’t sure whether or not he believed him. Nate let out a laugh, and Emile heard a sound that sounded like he was clapping Janus on the shoulder.

“He’s right, babe. He’s an adult. We can’t protect him anymore,” he said. Emile could practically hear the amused smile on his face. “Just make sure to introduce your soulmate to us once you meet him. I just can’t promise that Jan won’t go all overprotective father on him.”

He laughed, and Emile laughed, too.

“I wouldn’t expect you to,” he said.

In his mind, he imagined what it would be like to introduce his soulmate to his fathers. Hopefully it would go well. Hopefully his soulmate would get along well with his parents.

Would his soulmate be polite and serious? Or would he be funny and entertaining? Would they get along well? Emile certainly hoped so.

But maybe he was getting a little ahead of himself. First, he actually had to meet his soulmate.

Emile paused. How was he even going to do that?

“Gosh, how am I even going to meet him?” Emile said aloud.

Nate hummed in thought.

“I don’t know. Get yourself in the news?”

Emile’s nose wrinkled. “I would rather not.”

“Uh...” Nate said. “I have no idea then. But I know you’ll figure it out!”

Emile smiled. “Thanks, dad.”

“I need to get to work,” Janus said. “Let us know how finding your soulmate goes.”

“I will.”

“Love you!” Nate said.

“I also love you,” Janus said

Emile smiled again. “I love you both, too. Bye!”

“Bye!”

“Goodbye.”

Then, they hung up, and Emile was alone again.

His gaze was immediately drawn back to his soulmark. His eyes traced the curving shape of the crescent moon, and the three small stars that were underneath it.

The sleep prince was somewhere out there with that exact same soulmark just on his eye instead of his wrist. Emile wondered what he was thinking about in that exact moment. Was he thinking about Emile, like how Emile was thinking about him?

Emile could not help but smile at the thought.

Gosh, he couldn’t wait to meet his soulmate.

But first, he had to find out how to.

***

Emile had been on his computer for ages, searching for a way to find his soulmate, but the internet was mostly unhelpful.

There was a ton of research done on Beings, but it was difficult to tell what was reliable and what was useless. Beings were such a wide variety of creatures – some appeared out of thin air, some were once other things – research about one was unlike research about another. And most of the research was about what they were and how they worked, not about how to find them.

Emile sighed, reaching up and massaging the bridge of his nose. This was impossible: it was starting to seem like the only way to find his soulmate was to go through the same methods his soulmate had used to get the information public. And he really, really didn’t want it to come to that.

He was lucky that it was his day off today, so he had plenty of time to research.

Emile clicked on a new article, one labelled ‘Whispering Beings’, that he wasn’t too hopeful would actually be helpful. But he was still going to look, just in case.

His eyes skimmed the first few lines. Whispering Beings were a type of Being that could hear every whisper ever spoken. In fact, they existed in whispers; sometimes they didn’t even have a physical form, they switched between a human-like body to a whisper taken form at a whim. They could be summoned through whispers and used to send messages. Their physical forms looked cloud-like, not entirely physical and they were often benevolent towards humans.

Wait.

Emile suddenly straightened up, his eyes going back a few lines.

They could be summoned through whispers and used to send messages.

There. That was it.

That was how he was going to find his soulmate!

Emile let out a laugh. Finally, he was going to be able to find his soulmate!

Okay. Okay. Now, he just needed to figure out how to summon a Whispering Being.  

His eyes returned to the article.

Whispering Beings could be summoned through whispers. Apparently, you could whisper something into the night sky, and – very occasionally – they would hear you. They would appear in front of you, and they would take your message and bring it to whoever you requested.  

But they were rare. Your message needed to be interesting to them, or they would simply ignore you.

Well, Emile thought that his message was interesting enough. He was the soulmate of one of the princes of beings, surely that would catch the attention of anyone.

Okay. He could do that.

All he had to do was wait for it to become night, and then he would whisper into the sky. He would get his message to his soulmate; he was sure of that.

***

Emile had been waiting impatiently all day for night to come, and when it finally did, he was practically vibrating with anticipation. He couldn’t sit still, tapping his foot against the floor and his hand against his leg.

Was now the right time to do it? The sun had set, the sky was black, but what if he needed to wait until midnight? The article had been unclear, and every other source he had found had been, too.

What if it needed to be at a specific time? Midnight or 1am or 2am, something like that? Emile had no idea. He didn’t want to do it wrong.

After a moment of thought, he stood up. Okay, he might as well try now. If it didn’t work, he could always try again later. He could try as many times as it took for it to work. He would try all night if he had to.

He walked over to his window, opening it and feeling the cool night air wash over him.  

The sky was black, speckled with stars, and the moon was full. Maybe that meant something. Maybe the full moon was something special and would mean that the Whispering Beings were more likely to hear him. Emile had no idea. He was really out of his depth here.

He was a simple therapist! He watched cartoons and documentaries for fun. He knew nothing about magic, and yet the universe had dropped a magical soulmate into his hands.  

This was his life now.

Emile took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment. He could do this.

Then, he opened his eyes. Okay, he could do this.

All he had to do was figure out what exactly to say. His brow creased in thought. What did he even say in this situation? What was the right thing to say to summon a Whispering Being? The article hadn’t exactly given instructions on how to summon one.

Well, apparently Whispering Beings heard every whisper, so maybe all he had to do was say who he was and they’d listen.

Okay. He’d give that a try.

He took another deep breath, before he began to whisper.

“My name is Emile Picani, and I’m the soulmate of the sleep prince,” he whispered into the wind. “I want to find him. Can you help me?”

He then waited. He waited and waited and waited, but nothing happened.

Okay. That was okay. He could just try again.

“My name is Emile Picani, and I’m the soulmate of the sleep prince,” he whispered again. “I want to find him. Can you help me?”

“I heard you the first time,” came a voice from behind him. It sounded like a whisper, but was somehow also loud and clear.

Emile jumped, spinning around so quickly that his glasses fell from his face.

Standing there, in the middle of his living room, was a blurry figure, that Emile couldn’t quite make out the details of him without his glasses. All he could tell was that it was white and vaguely human-shaped.

He bent down quickly, picking up his glasses and sliding them back onto his face. He stood up, and saw that the human-shaped figure was almost as blurry as they had been before he had put his glasses back on. They looked like someone had taken a cloud and pressed a man-shaped cookie cutter into them, but the clouds had seeped through the edges a little bit. They didn’t even have eyes or a mouth, despite the fact that words had come from somewhere.

“H- hello,” Emile blurted out, just a little bit terrified of the obviously-inhuman Being.

“Hello,” said the Whispering Being.

“What... what’s your name?”

The Whispering Being just stared at him for a few seconds.

“Beings don’t have names.”

“Oh. Right.”

There were a few seconds of silence.

“So, you're the prince’s soulmate?” The Whispering Being said.

Emile straightened up. “I... think so. The soulmarks match, so... yes.”

The Whispering Being tilted their head.

“Would you like me to bring a message to him?”

“Yes, please.”

“Alright.” The Whispering Being nodded. “I shall. What would you like me to say?”

Emile... hadn’t really thought about that. In his excitement to send a message to his soulmate – and his daydreams about what would happen when they first met – he hadn’t thought about exactly what he wanted to say.  

“Um...” Emile said, fidgeting with his hands. “Tell him... tell him about me and tell me that I want to meet him.”  

The Whispering Being watched him for a few moments, before they nodded.

“Alright. I shall do that. Is there anything else you need?”

Emile thought about it for a moment, before he shook his head.

“Thank you,” he said.

The Whispering Being nodded again. Then, they began to lose their form, becoming more cloud-like and less human-shaped, until the fog that was their body began to fade. They became translucent and then transparent and soon they were gone, and Emile was alone.

He stared at the spot they had been for a few seconds, before he let out a deep breath.

Okay. This Being was going to bring the message to his soulmate. Then, his soulmate would come and they would meet.

Emile could not help but smile just a little bit at the thought. Oh, gosh, he was going to meet his soulmate soon! He didn’t know exactly when, but if his soulmate had been so quick to put the soulmark in the news, then surely he wanted to meet Emile as much as Emile wanted to meet him.

They were going to meet each other for the first time soon.  

Emile let out a little laugh, and practically bounced up and down on the spot, doing an excited little wiggle. He clapped his hands together.

Oh, Emile was so, so excited.

He wondered what exactly would happen next. Would the prince send the Whispering Being back to Emile, with information about a meeting place? Yes, that made the most sense.

But when exactly would the Whispering Being return? Emile had no idea. Maybe they would return again tonight; maybe they were busy and wouldn’t return for another few days. There was no way to know.

Perhaps he should have asked.  

Emile shook his head. Well, there was no point in thinking about that now.

A cool wind came through the open window, and a shiver ran down Emile’s spine. He turned around, reaching out and shutting the window.  

Then, when he turned back around, he yelped and leapt backwards when he saw that there was a new figure standing in the centre of his living room.

He was tall and thin – quite a bit taller than Emile, though that wasn’t difficult – with silver skin, black hair and solid black eyes. In the centre of his left eye was the now-familiar symbol: a silver crescent moon with three stars underneath it.

Emile gasped.

“You’re-”

The Being smiled, crossing his arms.

“I am,” he said. “Hello.”

[sidespromptblog]

He Didn’t Mean To: Part 2

One

Warnings: General angst, Virgil being scary, hurt/comfort, and threats. 

Summary: After dealing with an intrusive thought involving Janus, Remus is left reeling after he accidentally hurts the other side while going through his own self-destructive thoughts. And before Janus can even recover from it, Remus is gone...

Word Count: 1,692

Remus could not believe that he was here, of all places his frazzled mind had to choose here of all places to go. 

He could have gone to Roman, he could have gone to Virgil for help, and hell he could have even gone to Patton of all people. But he had to choose the person who was least likely to help him in his time of need. 

Logan blinked down at him, quizzingly, the dark circles from a sleepless night etched under the logical side’s eyes. “So…” He sighed, pinching the slope of his nose as he looked back at Remus again, “Why are you here again? What does any of this have to do with me? Don’t you hate me or something, right? Or you at least find me boring, correct?” He asked, sitting down heavily on his computer chair, before motioning to Remus to do the same on his bed. 

He didn’t know why Remus was here, and for all he knew it would be nothing but badness on his end to even let the wild creative side into his room in the first place. But…

Here he was. 

“I need your help.” That got Logan’s attention, as his eyes darted up and over to Remus, and narrowing his eyes he silently motioned for the other side to go on. “I…” Remus ran his fingers through his messy hair, the bruise and cut on his forehead stinging like crazy just from his casual touch alone. “Something happened, and I just… I need your advice on what to do next.” 

Logan’s eyes trailed up and down Remus’ body, taking in every fidget and motion that the other side was taking to avoid looking him in the eyes. It certainly was… curious, that the creative side was coming to him of all people. He wasn’t the kind of person to sugarcoat many things, and he had directly butted heads with Remus multiple times before this. So just the fact that Remus was here and not attempting to cause any kind of chaos, or even hurt him in any way was definitely… worrying for Logan to even consider. That something that must have happened must’ve really rocked Remus to his very core, or in the very least made him scared enough to come here. 

To Logan of all sides. 

“We’ve established that you need my help.” Logan cooly said, covering up the worry that was easing through to him. “But what exactly do you need it for? That’s what I’m wondering about… What happened, Remus?”  His tone shifted, starting with an almost haughty expression before almost immediately softening into a calm understanding look. He just wanted to understand what exactly he was supposed to be helping with, without that… 

How could he even help in the first place?

He hoped that Remus understood that…

Before him, Remus’ bottom lip wobbled a little bit, and Logan felt his stomach clench in worry, guilt, and suspicion. Remus' eyes looked shiny, like he was just mere moments away from crying right then and there. It was then and only then that Logan finally understood that whatever had happened, it happened to more than just Remus, and it was something that actually affected the other side, to the point of tears. The in itself was something that worried Logan, as he leaned forward in his chair reaching his hand out to lay overtop Remus’ knee. 

Just to stop mere inches away, as soon as the other side flinched. 

“Remus?” He asked softly. “What happened?” 

Remus’ breath hitched, and a heartbreaking whimper crawled up from his throat. Quickly he buried his face in his hands, determined not to let the logical side see him completely breaking apart at the mere thought of what he had done to Janus. Accident or not… it had still happened, and he had still hurt someone close to him. Someone… someone who he had never wanted to hurt in the first place, someone who.. someone who had always been there for him and someone who had always cared for him no matter what he was like in the past. 

The words came out regardless, like pulling apart bones. 

“I hurt Janus…”    

The sound of a fist slamming against a wall, and a foot stomping on the ground made both Logan and Remus look up from their conversation clearly startled, before looking to the entrance to the door that Remus had completely forgotten to close when he had barged into Logan’s room. His balled hand still pressed against the doorframe, and faintly… just faintly Logan could see the cracks of the wood from the strength of his punch. There in all of his terrifying glory was Virgil, standing like a dark silhouette against the incoming light from the hallway. Never before had Logan felt more scared of the anxious side, not necessarily for himself…. 

But rather for Remus’ sake.

“You what?” 

There was no mistaking the dark rumbling growl of his voice, as he took another step inside of Logan’s room. 

“What do you mean… you hurt him?” Virgil’s voice was dangerously quiet, but there was no mistaking the absolute pure intent to murder right then and there, as he stared Remus down as if he were nothing more than an enemy. “What. Did. You. Do?” He practically snarled, pacing forward slowly like he was a wolf with his hackles raised. 

Remus licked his lips nervously, his insides feeling like a pile of spaghetti flavored worms. “I.. I pushed him…” He softly admitted, his voice barely a whisper. “He tried to help me… and I pushed him…” 

Virgil’s eyeshadow had never looked more dark than it did now, as all of the air from Virgil’s lungs disappeared in an instant.

He had thought that the anxious side had looked intimidating before, but now… with the clenching and unclenching of his fists… It told Remus well enough what Virgil would do if he got his hands on him, and that it most certainly would not be pretty. 

The rage in the other side’s eyes was uncontainable, as he moved forward. He looked like he wanted to kill Remus then and there, he looked like the moment that he got his hands on him that Remus would be a dead man walking, and… he looked like he wanted to run off and look for Janus wherever the dishonest side was now. “I knew that I never should have left Janus alone with someone like you, you-”

Smoothly a wall of black fabric moved in between Remus’ line of sight, before Virgil could so much as take another step.

Firmly Logan stood there, not even moving a single inch even as Virgil’s chest almost bumped against his, and even as Virgil’s ragged breathing reached Remus’ ears. “That’s enough Virgil, if you’re going to be angry and if you’re going to be violent… then get out of my room.” To Logan’s credit, he didn’t seem even the slightest bit afraid of Virgil, even knowing that Virgil’s anxiety could throw his very room into disarray, Logan stood there calmly... like the eye of a storm. “So what will it be, Virgil?” 

For a tense solid second there was nothing, just the still air in which both sides stood against each other. 

Peering around Logan, Remus could see that Virgil was trying to visibly restrain himself and hold himself back from spouting off something against either Remus or Logan. He was angry, there was no denying that. But why exactly he was angry almost felt like a mystery to Remus, as it was more than obvious that Virgil hated him now that he had left them and joined the light sides. So this… emotion coming off of Virgil in waves felt more than a little odd to Remus, he had thought that Virgil wouldn’t care about Janus.

Or at least not this much.

“So what?” Virgil snapped at Logan, his teeth bared in what looked like a snarl. “You’re just taking his side now?!” He waved his hand to where Remus was standing behind Logan. “He’s fucking hurt someone Logan, that’s not exactly a good thing!” 

Remus couldn’t help but to flinch at the accusation that was being flung at him, a very honest accusation that he knew to be true. He had hurt someone, he’d hurt Janus, and that made him dangerous now. While he’d ‘attacked’ Logan and Roman, his damage had been temporary at worst or even just imaginary at best. But with Janus… he was sure that whatever he had done, the pain of it had been etched onto the other side’s face. It had… it had lasted. 

No matter how much he wished that it hadn’t. 

Logan raised his hand gingerly, as if that alone would quell Virgil’s rage. “He has come to me for help and advice, and help and advice is what he’s going to get while he’s in my room. Do you understand?” Logan softly asked, and as soft as his words were there was no mistaking the firmness behind it. It was fairly obvious that he was giving Virgil a chance to back down before Logan full on just kicked him out of his room. “I swore, didn't I Virgil? That anyone who needs my help would have a safe place in my room. Didn’t I? I swore it on my status as Thomas’ logical side.”

And just like that the wind seemed to have been taken out of Virgil’s sails, as the anxious side deflated a little bit. 

“Yes… yes you did.” Virgil muttered sourly, although not without a touch of fondness to his voice. They both knew just what Logan was talking about, and what exactly he was referring to, even if Remus had no idea. But without even missing a beat, Virgil cast a vicious glare back over to Remus, not even attempting to hide it from the logical side this time. “But if I catch you outside of Logan’s room…” 

The threat was left unfinished, but Remus knew exactly how it would end. 

Virgil would win, because Remus wouldn’t want to.

Not with this kind of fight.    

[heyitssmiller]

Clandestine: Chapter Nine

Another cliffhanger? Me? Nah. 

All characters belong to @lumosinlove

@donttouchmycarrots is the best and I love her so much. She also inspired a lot of this chapter’s angst, so it’s not all my fault this time! <3

CW: violence, blood/injuries, guns/gun violence

Clandestine Masterlist

.

Sirius woke up alone. This in and of itself wasn’t unusual, until he remembered the events of the night before. Wandering hands, soft, needy sighs, and warm lips that kissed him and kissed him and kissed him. He rolled onto his stomach and smothered himself with his pillow to hide the smile that took over his entire face, heart beating giddily in his chest. That happened.

Holy shit.

But that begged the question: where was he?

Sirius stayed in bed for a few moments, thinking that maybe Remus was coming back, but then he got too impatient and crawled out of bed to go searching. If he was camped out in front of that laptop again this early… but no. He was standing in front of the stove, prodding at the contents of a frying pan. The smell of coffee reached Sirius and he smiled again as he entered the kitchen, making sure his footsteps were loud enough for Remus to hear - that way it wasn’t a surprise when he came to stand behind Remus and wrapped his arms around his waist, hooking his chin on his shoulder to watch what was happening on the stove. 

A general rule of dating a spy - don’t sneak up on them. It tends to end badly.

“Morning.” Sirius mumbled, turning his head to press a lingering kiss to a tendon in Remus’ neck and smiling against warm skin. Remus hummed, leaning back into Sirius’ chest and angling his neck to give him better access. That simple, innocuous motion stole Sirius’ breath. Remus didn’t trust easily - Sirius could understand why, given everything he’d been through. But there he was, relaxed against Sirius, eyes closed, completely trusting. Sirius wasn’t exactly sure what to do with something so precious, but damn he really didn’t want to screw this up. So he continued to place kiss after kiss to Remus’s skin, finding a ticklish spot right below his ear that made him laugh and squirm in Sirius’ arms before he shoved him away, a wide, happy smile on his face.

Had Sirius ever been this happy before? He doubted it.

“So what’s for breakfast, chef?” He asked, peering at the frying pan. Remus turned the stove off and grabbed plates from the cabinet by the fridge while Sirius grabbed silverware and napkins. It was incredibly domestic. Sirius couldn’t get enough of it.

“Scrambled eggs, toast, and coffee. Nothing gourmet, but it’s the best I can do.” He answered as he scooped eggs out of the frying pan and grabbed toast from the toaster, then handed the plate to Sirius. They took their plates to the tiny kitchen table, along with the coffee and creamer and jams before sitting down to eat.

It was… nice. Their relationship had changed a lot the night before, but it was easy - a seamless transition from friends to more. He’d always assumed there would be some awkwardness with a big change like that, but it felt normal. Remus still teased him for how he took his coffee, Sirius still kicked him for it. They went over their plans for the day and what they wanted to get done. The ease of it all made Sirius wonder just how long they’d been teetering over that precipice.

It also made him feel guilty, how happy he was when his brother was still trapped with the Snakes and Finn still missing. Remus seemed to recognize his shift in emotion and smiled sadly, reaching across the table to tangle their hands together.

“We’re going to figure something out.” He said quietly before taking a sip of coffee, not once letting go of Sirius’ hand but playing with his fingers absentmindedly. It made it a bit tricky to eat, but Sirius couldn’t say he minded one bit.

He hoped Remus was right.

***

“Update?” Talker asked as soon as Remus and Sirius entered the office, looking tired. He kept pace with them as they walked, eager for a response. He and Finn were pretty close, constantly cracking jokes and trading jabs and playing pranks. But then again, Finn was a very outgoing guy - he was pretty close with a lot of people.

Sure enough, as they rounded the corner they found a gathering of people outside Remus’ office, all friends. All worried.

And a stranger standing next to Kasey, watching them as they approached. Red hair, brown eyes, faint freckles.

Remus didn’t have to ask who he was.

He stuck his hand out for the agent to shake. “O’Hara.”

Alex shook his hand briefly, soulful eyes a myriad of warring emotions. “Please tell me what the hell is going on.”

Remus looked at him, then the rest of the people around his office. They all needed to know what was going on, but he felt like Alex deserved the chance to hear this on his own, without the prying eyes of a bunch of strangers.

Sirius seemed to know exactly what he needed. It was like a sixth sense. “Lions, to the conference room! I’ll tell you what we know.” He gave Remus a warm smile, one that he was helpless to return. Last night was… blinding, as strange as it sounded. Sirius was all he could see now - the bright, expressive eyes, full, addictive lips, and wow he needed to get off this train of thought quickly. He had important things to do today.

Sirius seemed to know exactly what was on his mind. His smile turned secretive and sly before he shot Remus a wink and led the way to the conference room, leaving only Alex. Remus looked at him, then jerked his head towards his office. Alex followed after him and instantly sat down in one of the extra chairs, eyes never leaving Remus. He looked tired, worried, desperate for answers.

Remus sighed, an ache in his chest. He couldn’t imagine what it must be like for him, dealing with his younger brother being kidnapped. If it was Jules, Remus would lose his mind. “Let’s just start at the beginning, ok?” And so he did. He went over the general premise of the mission, what they’d done so far, and what went wrong. Alex listened quietly, taking it in.

When they were finally caught up Alex leaned back in his chair, raking a hand through his hair - a motion that was so Finn that Remus had to hold his breath for a second before releasing it. “So do we have any leads? What’s the plan?”

“We’ve got three possible locations. We’re going to try to narrow it down and then send in the two operatives we’ve already got in Slytherin.”

“Finn’s partners.”

There was something about the way Alex said that. The wrinkle in his brow, eyes hard and unflinching. Unforgiving. Remus gave him a look, keeping his voice neutral. “It was a freak accident, O’Hara. Not their fault.”

He wasn’t brave enough to tell the agent how much of that fault rested on his own shoulders. He was basically in charge of this mission. He’d been the one in charge of planning, giving them the go-ahead, looking out for signs of danger. There were signs of the op going bad - he could see that now, in hindsight. But hindsight was always 20/20, wasn’t it?

And now he was sitting here, explaining to the brother of the agent he let get kidnapped that they didn’t really have a solid plan. They were still scattered and struggling to recollect themselves after that disaster of a mission. What exactly was he supposed to say?

Alex ignored his earlier attempt at placation. “You’re telling me that your plan is to send one agent and a rookie safe-cracker into Snakes headquarters and break my brother out? That’s all you’ve got?”

“The rest of us are already on their radar. If we sent in other agents-”

“Bullshit.” Alex growled, leaning forward dangerously. And really, Remus couldn’t fault him for any of this. Their bond ran deep, apparently. “You’re taking down the Snakes anyways, what’s wrong with pushing up the timeline a little? We don’t need to be covert anymore, we need to be dominant and aggressive.”

“That makes your brother collateral damage,” Remus reasoned. “We go in guns-blazing, the first thing they’ll do is make it a hostage situation.”

Alex sighed, his shoulders slumping and all the fight leaving him in a split-second, frustration rolling off him in waves. “Fuck.”

“We’ve got an ex-Snake on the team and a guy on the inside. Potentially,” he felt like he had to add, because he still wasn’t sure what to think of the younger Black brother. Sirius trusted him, sure, but was that enough?

One wrong move and they could lose three agents. This required precision and cunning, not hot-headed recklessness.

“We’re going to do our best to get him out of there.” Remus finally finished, trying to instill confidence with just the words. Alex just smiled sadly.

“Good media answer, right there.”

Remus’ phone buzzed twice in his pocket, signaling an incoming message. He fumbled with it for a second, then looked down at the screen. “Well, I might have a better answer in a few minutes. One of his partners says they’ve got news.”

Remus just hoped it was finally some good news.

***

Logan was still pacing - back and forth, back and forth. It wasn’t a stressed pace this time, exactly. His stride was longer, full of pent-up energy and restlessness. Leo was switching between watching him and reading the messages Regulus sent the night before to Loops and Sirius, who were both listening intently.

“So let me get this straight.” Remus said through the computer speakers. “Regulus said he’d turn off one of the cameras that overlooks a side door, sneak you two in, and then help you get both him and Finn out?” He and Sirius were sitting close together at the conference table, sneaking glances at each other when they thought no one was looking.

Leo smiled knowingly. Good for them.

“Yeah.” Logan said as he continued to pace. “Get in, get them, get out. Simple.”

“Well,” Leo said, stretching out the word and watching Logan’s eyes snap to him. Yeah, he wasn’t going to like this. “According to Reg, one of Riddle’s flash drives is there too - in a safe in his office. Logan can get Finn, and I can-”

“No.”

“Logan,” Leo sighed, giving him a look. “After we get Finn out, they’ll put that place on lockdown. We won’t get another shot at getting this drive and you know it. Plus Riddle’s not even there right now. It’s the perfect opportunity.”

“When did he even tell you that?” Logan asked, staring at him incredulously. “I don’t remember this at all.”

“That would be because I’ve been texting him this morning because I knew you’d react like this.” Leo rushed to finish his sentence and be heard over Logan’s loud dissent.

“React how? Logically?”

“Over-protectively.” Leo corrected, watching the aggravation return to his pacing again as he grumbled something under his breath. “If we get this drive, that only leaves the ones Lestrange and Riddle have on them. Reg said he could probably grab the one Bellatrix has - he can replace it with the fake I slipped into his pocket at the gala-”

“Nut, you can’t be serious.”

Leo glared at him. “It’s a perfectly solid plan.”

“And it’s dangerous!”

“Are you forgetting what our jobs are?” Leo asked with an incredulous laugh. “Everything we do is dangerous.”

“Leo.”

The blond looked to the laptop, where Sirius and Loops were looking back at him. “Back me up here.”

Remus glanced over at Sirius, then back to Leo. “It’s risky, but if you feel like you can do it-”

“I can.” Leo said, no room for argument. The kid who was nervously drumming his fingers against his thigh and staring off into space before his first mission was long gone, replaced by a calm, confident agent - who still drummed his fingers on a regular basis, but who was self-assured and comfortable with his role. Logan wasn’t exactly sure when that had happened, but he was proud nonetheless - even if he was still terrified.

“When’s Reg going for Lestrange’s drive?” Sirius asked, in a similar state as Logan. Worried, but knowing he was fighting a losing battle. This was happening whether they liked it or not.

“She puts it in the same spot every night before she goes to bed, so he’ll grab it right before we get there when she’s already asleep. If we go really early in the morning - like really early - everyone should be asleep, save for a few.”

“They’re cocky like that,” Sirius added, “No one’s ever been dumb enough to try to break in, so they won’t be as prepared for it.”

Leo frowned, not sure whether to take offense or not. “Thanks?”

“So how long do you think getting into the safe will take?” Remus asked, keeping all of them on track, as usual. The steadiness and predictability calmed Logan down, just a little.

Leo shrugged. “Don’t know, depends on what kind of safe it is. Reg doesn’t know.”

“So you’re going in blind.” Logan finished, anxiety churning in his gut. That calmness had lasted all of three seconds. He didn’t like this. There was so much that could go wrong; it was risky enough sneaking in to get Finn out of there, but adding this on top of it? What if one of them got caught? What if all of them got caught? What if Regulus wasn’t as trustworthy as Sirius claimed? What if they were just walking into another trap?

What if, what if, what if. There were too many variables to this, too much at risk.

He’d never really hated his job before. In the past he’d loved the suspense, the intrigue, the unpredictability. He’d grown up wanting a career that had action and adventure, just like the movies he and his sisters used to watch. Now all the things he used to love were the things that were stressing him out the most. But then, he’d never had partners before - definitely not partners he was halfway in love with.

He was starting to hate this job now.

Leo’s voice brought him back to the conversation. “Not really. It’s either going to be a digital safe or manual. I’d crack a digital safe the same way I cracked the ones at the banks, and manual safes are kind of like giant locks. I just feel for the sticking points and do the math.”

“There’s math?” Sirius asked, looking disgusted. Logan thought back to Finn saying the exact same words, all three of them squished together on the bed with a nature documentary playing in the background, warm and content and relaxed. No stress, no sense of impending disaster, no one missing.

He wanted that again, more than anything.

He felt like this wasn’t the way to do it, though. Which was ironic, seeing that he was the one who usually wanted to be reckless. That was his M.O. - the rough, hotheaded agent who wasn’t afraid to take some risks. He completely changed his tune when those risks endangered his partners.

He couldn’t lose them - either of them. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if...

But arguing against this rescue mission was like leading a horse to water - pointless. The only thing left to do was to prepare. So Logan tuned the conversation out and started planning for every possible outcome he could think of. He wasn’t going to be left just reacting, not this time. He was going into this with every last detail mapped out, every potential misstep accounted for, every contingency plan organized in his head.

He wasn’t going to let anything go wrong. He couldn’t.

***

The alarm Leo and Logan had set was essentially useless, seeing that it found the two of them already awake, going over the plan in their heads. Logan stretched his arm out to shut it off, then rolled over to look at Leo. Blue eyes were already staring back, alight with optimism- a stark contrast to how Logan was feeling. He just hoped tonight wasn’t the night he would be disappointed.

“We’re going to get him back.” The blond said, no sleepiness to his voice as he softly leaned in to kiss Logan sweetly, then more enthusiastically. Logan let himself get lost in it for a while, a heart-wrenching distraction, accepting kiss after excited kiss with a sigh against soft lips. He took the lead a second later, pushing Leo back into the mattress and pressing their chests together, getting as close as he could manage and relaxing into the warmth.

“And then we’ll all be together again.” He added after a while, trying to reassure both Leo and himself as he kissed a dimple and earned a smile, bright in the early-morning darkness. “And we can finally have that talk.”

Leo hummed happily and pulled him down for one last lingering kiss before shimmying his way out from under Logan and getting to his feet, hair an absolute mess from a night of tossing and turning and Logan’s hands. Logan felt strangely proud of himself for that.

“Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.” Leo chanted, dashing to his suitcase to grab clothes. His enthusiasm visibly shown in every action - brushing his teeth, pulling on his shoes, grabbing his tools. Logan soon found himself dressed and ready to go, turning his earpiece on and testing his mic. His gun was loaded and ready, a comforting weight at his hip. Leo’s voice echoed in his ear as he tested his mic, loud and clear. His tools were all packed up and smuggled away in his pockets, determination written across his face.

They were going to get him back.

Logan pulled up the directions to the address Regulus had sent them and they hurried to their car, blasting the heat as high as it would go to try and defrost the windows. The clock read 4:13 am as they pulled out of the hotel parking lot and headed down the street.

The drive was tense with anticipation and nerves and adrenaline. Leo’s leg never stopped bouncing from the passenger’s seat as he stared out the window, clearly lost in thought because it was still pitch black outside - he definitely wasn’t looking at anything. Logan kept his eyes on the road ahead and his thoughts on their mission, going over the details one last time as the navigation app instructed him to turn right.

The building they were infiltrating was on the very outskirts of Slytherin, somewhat secluded and run-of-the-mill. If Logan wasn’t sure this was the right place, he would never have guessed this to be a Snakes’ building. Which was probably exactly what they were going for.

Logan drove straight past the building, continuing down the road for a while until he figured they wouldn’t raise suspicion. He put the car in park, switched the headlights off, then turned to face his partner.

“You ready?”

The resulting grin was luminous. “You know it.”

Logan nodded, nerves gnawing away at his stomach, and got out of the car. He and Leo snuck around to the southeast side of the building where they found a door, the light above it flickering occasionally. Leo sent Logan a look, then rapped on the door with his knuckles twice.

A few seconds passed by, then the door opened silently. Regulus Black stared back at them, face as impassive as always. The two agents stepped inside without another word, watching as Regulus closed the door behind them and locked it before turning to face them again.

“I’ve got Bellatrix’s drive,” he said, so quietly that Leo and Logan had to lean in a little to hear him. “Snagged it about twenty minutes ago and replaced it with the fake. She’ll never know the difference.”

“Perfect.” Leo grabbed Logan’s forearm, eyes bright and intense. “You go get Finn, I’ll grab the drive. Meet you back at the rendezvous.”

Logan still didn’t like the idea. He didn’t like the thought of being separated. “Leo-”

“No one’s out this early, it’ll be the easiest grab of my life. I’ll be careful - I’ll be so careful, Tremz. You gotta trust me.” He pressed their foreheads together briefly and Logan allowed himself that one moment to close his eyes and press back, inhaling deeply. He still smelled like the hotel’s shampoo, clean and citrusy. After all this, Logan didn’t think he’d ever be able to forget the smell - or the memories that came with it. He couldn’t quite figure out if that was a bad thing or not. Because on the one hand, there was stress and kidnappings and hurt. But on the other hand, there was exciting, brand new kisses and falling asleep in his arms and the comfort of just being with him.

“Make it quick, ok?” he said finally, reluctantly leaning away and meeting blue eyes. Leo nodded, giving his hand a squeeze, and turned to set off down the hallway. Logan only allowed himself half a second to look after him - if he watched any longer, he just knew he’d start chasing after him, blindly following an angel and not caring where he was going. He’d probably follow him anywhere, if he could. He faced Regulus again instead, who was looking decidedly awkward. Logan just raised an eyebrow at him and motioned for him to lead the way.

His heart hammered louder and louder the more they walked, excitement and worry and adrenaline snowballing together and making his head spin. He could hear Leo’s quiet breathing through the coms, measured and steady and constant like the tide pushing and pulling against the shore. That, more than anything he tried to tell himself, calmed him down.

They reached a nondescript door and stopped in front of it. Logan glanced at Regulus, then back at the door. This was it. Finn was on the other side of that door. He was a paradoxical combination of excited and terrified of what he’d find on the other side of that door.

“I’m just going to wait out here,” Regulus said, moving so that his back was against the wall. “I’ve already witnessed you all soft and mushy tonight - I don’t think I can handle seeing it again. I’ll keep an eye out from here.”

Logan sent him a grin, incredibly pleased with himself and completely unashamed.

He took one last, deep breath and opened the door.

The sound of the door must have woken Finn, because the first thing Logan saw was the shifting of shoulder and back muscles as the redhead sat up with an annoyed grumble. “What the fuck is so important that you feel the need to wake me up this early?” He demanded, reaching up to further tousle his hair as he swiveled around to face the door. Their eyes locked and Finn froze, staring at him with his mouth agape and wide, wide brown eyes, one of which was blackened and swollen. There was blood at the corner of his mouth, dark and distracting. Logan’s breath left him in a rush, like he’d been the one punched in the face.

“Lo,” Finn whispered, that one syllable barely loud enough to reach Logan’s ears. He sat up straighter in an instant and continued to stare, as if he couldn’t quite believe his eyes. “Logan?”

That was all it took to spur Logan into action. He crossed the room in five quick paces and then he was on his knees in front of Finn, reaching for him hesitantly. Finn practically launched himself at him, arms around his neck and holding tight - almost bruisingly. Logan didn’t care. He’d gladly take the bruises if it meant having his partner in his arms again. It hadn’t even been that long since Logan had seen him, but it felt like an entire lifetime. He hugged Finn closer, probably holding him too tight, before leaning back and looking him over. Frantic hands passed over skin and clothing, feeling for injuries.

“You ok?” He asked, reaching up to tilt Finn’s face so that he could examine the black eye and split lip. Calloused fingers traced gingerly over constellations of freckles, marred by purples and greens and yellows. “God, Finn-”

Finn laughed a little, reaching up to still Logan’s hand and pressing it to his stubbled cheek instead. Logan could feel his smile against his palm and melted. “I’m ok. It looks worse than it actually is, I’m sure.”

You’re still gorgeous, Logan thought as he swiped a thumb across his cheek. He wanted to drown in the sight in front of him. Finn wasn’t great but he was ok and considering the circumstances, that was all Logan could really ask for. He was still livid, of course. And the ones who’d hurt Finn would get what was coming for them. That much he could guarantee.

“You shouldn’t be here.” Finn murmured, still leaning into Logan’s touch. Logan just shook his head firmly, eyes serious. How did Finn expect him to leave him behind? He clearly had no idea just how little they could function without him, the gaping hole he’d left in his absence.

Finn looked over Logan’s shoulder, then back to Logan with worried eyes. “Leo?” He asked and let Logan help him to his feet, favoring his left leg. Logan tightened his grip on his biceps and steadied him before answering.

“Currently? In Riddle’s office cracking a safe.”

Leo’s voice, calm and even, came through the coms. “Tell Finn I said hey.” Logan grinned.

“He says hey.”

Finn looked offended. He leaned closer to the mic Logan was wearing at the collar of his shirt, making the brunet still. The expression on his face - a comical combination of panic and turned-on - made Finn smile as he spoke. “You’re breaking me out of here after I was kidnapped and the only thing you can think of to say is hey?”

“Well, I was planning on saving the sentimental shit for when I actually see you.” Leo said distractedly from his spot on the floor in front of a truly ancient safe, rotating the dial slowly and feeling for the last remaining sticking point. “It’s good to hear your voice, though.”

He heard Logan relay the message to Finn, and then Finn’s resulting coo. Leo laughed under his breath at the sound right as the safe opened with a loud click, opening to reveal nothing inside but a blue and gray flash drive.

“I can’t believe this is the only thing he keeps in a safe like this.” Leo grumbled, reaching forward to make the switch-

Right as the office door opened.

Leo whirled around, slipping the real flash drive into his pocket as he faced whoever had walked in on him.

Unnatural yellow eyes stared back.

And a gun was pointed at his chest.

He could tell Riddle recognized him from the party by the curl of his lips that formed the beginnings of a smile. Cold dread washed over Leo at the bizarre sight. He wasn’t sure anyone had seen the leader of the Snakes smile before. If they did, they hadn’t lived to tell the tale. Leo’s heart raced as all he could do was stand there and stare. His gun sat heavily at his hip, but he knew reaching for it would only speed up the inevitable. He stayed still.

Leo’s partners were still talking over the coms, happy and ignorant of the situation going on right down the hall from them. As Leo stared down the barrel of a gun, he thought maybe it was for the best. Riddle wouldn’t react well to breaking Finn out of here, he knew that much. At least this would be a good distraction - if Riddle was focused on him, he wouldn’t be focused on his partners. Maybe they’d be able to get out of here before Riddle even realized the real reason Leo was in the building.

He’d rather die than give either of them up. He was a little scared at the honesty behind that statement… and the likelihood of it happening much sooner than he’d hoped.

Riddle adjusted his sights without saying a single word, finger against the trigger. Leo sucked in a harsh breath and braced himself.

Bang.

[fangirlovestuff]

A Very Colin Christmas - Colin Shea x reader

Ch.4 - A Holy Jolly Christmas

ch.1  ch.2  ch.3

a/n - hey lovely people!! here’s the fourth chapter, and a reminder that tomorrow there’s no chapter and friday will be the last one, so happy Christmas eve eve to those who celebrate, enjoy!<3

Summary: Slowly but surely, you discover why Colin was so apprehensive about having his family over, and also realize something you should’ve realized long ago...

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: curse words, angst if you squint

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The next day, it was the morning of Christmas eve, and you figured you should do some grocery shopping before stores close down for the holidays, so you put on your clothes and headed out of the apartment, locking the door behind you and turning around to –

"Good morning," Eleanor was standing in the threshold of Colin's apartment, the morning newspaper in her hand.

"Good morning," you answered with a smile you hoped didn't look too fake.

"Who lives there?" she asked.

"Just, uh… my friend," you shifted uncomfortably. "I um, this morning I got a text to… come help her, and now we're done and it's still pretty early so I figured I wouldn't bother you. I was just going home to change."

"Alright, we'll see you later I assume," she stated.

"Of course," you smiled awkwardly and went down the stairs as quickly as you could. Once you were out of the building you started heading to the shop, and as you were walking you pulled out your phone to call Colin. He didn't answer, and you sighed in frustration before putting your phone back in your bag. You hoped he had enough sense to handle it on his own.

While you were shopping, there were some interesting developments at Colin's.

"Colin," Eleanor barged into his room and opened the curtain. "I think your girlfriend is cheating on you."

It took his foggy brain a second to register her words. "What?"

"I don't think you can trust her," she crossed her hands on her chest.

"Good morning to you too," he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"Colin, I'm being serious, I-"

"I know mom, let me just wake up for a few minutes and we can talk about it, alright?"

"Fine," she said, her lips drawn into a thin line and left the room. Colin sighed groggily and went to get dressed and brush his teeth. He didn't know what the fuck his mom was talking about, but he sure as hell was going to stall as much as he could without knowing.

When he went into the kitchen, she was there. Obviously.

"There you are! So this morning I went out to bring the newspaper."

"Anything interesting in it?" he asked as he started making himself a coffee.

"No, but listen to this – when I was in the hallway the door opposite opened, and guess who came out? Your girlfriend, Colin. It was your girlfriend."

It took all of his willpower not to burst into laughter on the spot. Instead, he frowned. "What did she say?"

"That her friend was living there and needed help. But I'm not buying it," she shook her head. "She looked very suspicious."

"Well, she's telling the truth mom," he smiled. "Her friend is living there. She introduced us, actually," he lied casually.

"Oh," Eleanor frowned. "Okay then."

Only when she left Colin could allow himself to snicker into his coffee. That was close.

When you came back with your groceries, you prayed Eleanor wouldn't see you, since you couldn't excuse that away if she had. But thankfully, the hallway was empty, and you let yourself into your apartment without any more awkward encounters.

You shot Colin a text asking him when he wanted you to "arrive" at his place, and he said that in about an hour or so. That gave you just enough time to take a long shower and almost forget about the morning.

An hour later, fresh out of the shower, you knocked on Colin's door. Eleanor opened the door, and she smiled a tight-lipped smile as she ushered you in.

You both sat down in the living room, Colin and his dad nowhere in sight. You assumed they were both somewhere in the house and simply didn't hear you arrive, but you thought asking where they were was maybe a little tactless as Eleanor led the way to the living room, sitting down seemingly eager to talk to you.

"So," she started, "how did you and Colin meet?"

"Oh, um," you fumbled over your words for a second trying to come up with a convincing story, "I met him at a gig of his. I thought his music was great and when we got to know each other I realized how great he was himself," you smiled.

"Really? That's funny, because Colin told me your friend from across the hall was the one who introduced you…" she trailed off in an unsaid question.

Your heart was racing as you tried to keep up with your lies, but you didn't let it show. "Well, she actually did. She was the one who brought me to see his show that night. When she told me her neighbor was a musician I was a little skeptical, but we both had a great time. After the show she took me backstage and introduced us, and the rest is history," you channeled your relief into a smile.

"Grilling her already, mom?" Colin said from behind you and you resisted the urge to sigh in relief as he came to sit beside you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

"We were just having a conversation, son," she chuckled.

You chuckled as well, trying to diffuse the tension. "Yeah, I was just telling her about the night we met, when we were at that gig of yours."

"Oh yeah, it's a cute story," he smiled at you.

"When are Andy, Laurie and Jacob coming for dinner?" you asked in an attempt to change the subject before it gets awkward.

"They should be here at around six," Colin replied.

"Oh, you know Andy's a lawyer, right?" Eleanor asked you.

"Yes, we talked about it last night," you chuckled embarrassedly.

"Ah, of course! Anyway, I'm just wondering why his brother here doesn't follow in his footsteps," she reached forward as if sharing a secret with you. "You know, if you ever want to start a family, a steady income is very important."

"Well, we haven't even moved in yet, Eleanor," you were getting a little pissed now. "I'd say I have no say in what Colin chooses to do or not do, right?"

"Of course, I'm just worried about my little boy," she smiled at Colin and he returned what looked more like a grimace than a smile.

"You shouldn't be," you said, "he's wonderful," you looked at him and smiled genuinely.

"Awww, thank you," he said playfully, and you giggled.

"You two are such a cute couple," William, Colin's father said as he entered the room, sitting next to Eleanor.

"Yeah, you are," she agreed with him.

You and Colin just smiled at them. You didn't know what he was thinking, but what you yourself were thinking terrified you. I wish we were.

Soon enough everyone was there and you could start on the Christmas dinner, which was mostly courtesy of Eleanor and Laurie but at least Colin provided the venue. While you were eating, they were all talking amongst themselves, which left you plenty of time to think things over.

The thing was, while you had initially agreed to all of this, you just thought of it as a favor to a friend, nothing more, and now you were starting to realize just how… magical denial was. Because even in Colin's family was kind of annoying, apart from his admittedly hot older brother, Colin was surprisingly un-annoying for the last couple of days. He was actually being really… sweet.

It was the last thought that truly sent you spiraling. Because knowing Colin can be this sweet made it all the more bitter that it wasn't true.

Before, you could just tell yourself that Colin Shea wasn't really capable of love. That he wasn't ready. But now that you were seeing him like this, you knew that wasn't true, it couldn't be. No, the agonizing reality was – he can love. He just didn't want that, and certainly not with you. He had every opportunity to start something with you – hell, even just a one night stand – and he didn't. Sure, he flirted and joked around, but when it came down to it, you knew what Colin Shea seriously flirting looked like, and it never once happened with you, and you were sure of that.

Because if he really tried, deep down you knew you would let him succeed.

The food in your mouth suddenly became too dry, and you gulped down some water to steady yourself.

After dinner, everyone sat down in the living room to watch a Christmas movie. You and Colin sat next to each other on the couch, and you were trying to concentrate on the film when his hand wrapped around your shoulder. Nothing too bold.

You tried to hold your concentration, but then he started drawing patterns on your shirt, running his hand along the covered curve of your shoulder and all together with your thoughts it was… just too much.

"You know what guys?" you said after a few minutes, "I think I should probably go. I'm just pretty tired, I'm sorry," you said as you left your chair.

They all just kind of stared at you, and you didn't blame the after that out of the blue statement. All you knew is that you needed out of here.

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[aliferous-ly]

I've never really asked for a drabble before... If it's okay with you, could you do 7 "I almost lost you" and 32 "I think I'm in love with you and I'm terrified" with Logan and Deceit? I just kinda thought that it had the potential to make some angst with a happy ending. Oh and I only found you recently, but I love the writing that I've seen so far. I always love finding amazing writers. (I'm sorry, I'm a total suck up)

im gonna start this with if you’re on mobile, i am So Sorry

i started this and was like “ha im getting a little carried away” and then went “oh no” 

and thank u dear!! that’s v sweet of u awe 

summary: Declan is a loud and proud aromantic. Then he realizes why he feels weird, and off, and awkward around his best friend, Logan, and his world starts to crumble. 

warnings: f word twice, lying, parent being imprisoned, angst, questioning identity, if there’s anything else lmk!!

It starts, Declan thinks, when Logan smiles. 

The situation starts out innocuous -- they’re sitting in Logan’s room, Declan tossing a tennis ball up and catching it unsuccessfully, making a right disaster of Logan’s room with all the objects he keeps knocking to the floor. Logan, naturally, continues doing his homework. 

And they’re just -- talking. 

Declan likes to think his world should shift on a more momentous occasion, maybe with fireworks, fingers brushing against one another dramatically, Jason Mraz playing in the background. 

But it’s the smallest thing. Declan throws the tennis ball up in the middle of his sentence -- “You can’t tell me you hate white pines, they have the softest needles” -- and he misses it on the way down. 

So he takes a tennis ball to the face and sits up, sputtering, rubbing at his nose, arm reaching out to snatch it before it rolls too far. 

Logan chokes out a laugh, eyes squinty and wrinkled at the edges. His laugh fills the room for a few thrilling moments and Declan thinks it’s the most beautiful sound in the world and he can’t stop staring at Logan’s engaging face, in the upturn of his lips and dimples carved in his cheeks. 

He’s radiant. 

Declan’s heart squeezes, lungs filling with something heavier than air, a foreign feeling washing through his veins. Like rose petals or sunlight. Woodsmoke or freshly fallen snow. 

The gears in his chest shift and settle and he feels… right. More right than he’s ever been. 

Which is, of course, why fear swiftly follows this gorgeous wash of emotions, because this is unusual and anything unusual is often bad. 

Declan forces down the incoming wave of anxiety, schooling his expression into one of smooth disdain. 

Just in time, too, because Logan opens his mouth and says, “It was only a matter of time until you paid for your crimes.”

“I’m too pretty to die,” Declan replies, thanking the heavens that while his brain may be steadily turning into mush (have Logan’s eyes always been that striking? Or his shoulders that broad?) his tongue still works. 

“Implying Death themself has a type, intriguing,” Logan says. He flashes a look over his computer, the after effects of joy still written on his features. “Bold of you to declare what Death likes.” 

Declan tries for a smirk but can feel the way his mouth turns to genuine grin, the traitor. “Aw, Logie, are you saying I’m not everyone’s type?” 

“That would be rather ironic, wouldn’t it?” Logan says wryly. He types away at his computer, dutiously finishing an English assignment that Declan is currently ignoring for bigger and better things. “The aromantic everyone pines over.” 

That strikes an odd chord in Declan’s chest, like he’s a half-tone off; not quite wrong, but not quite right, either. His expression must change, because Logan pauses in his typing. He blinks at Declan. “Something wrong?” 

Of course, that’s when Declan’s brain decides that those words are simply too much, too much, his shoulders tightening, back tensing. It’s like his rib cage is squeezing his vital organs, which seems rather counterintuitive. He hates this unknown, this awkward buzz against his skin, the prickling feeling through his bones. 

The resounding crash of everything happening all at once is overwhelming and Declan can’t seem to decide whether to sit as still as humanly possible or bolt. 

Or, of course, do what he does best. 

Lie. 

“I forgot to do something for my mom,” Declan says, barely registering the words before they fall from his lips. He hasn’t lied to Logan in a very, very long time (he knows it’s because they have been best friends for ages, but his mind twists it into something of a foreshadow, even though it’s not, it’s not) and the resurgence of his bad habits leaves a nasty taste in his mouth, but. Desperate times. Desperate measures. 

“Oh,” Logan says, disappointed, and Declan longs to explain -- what? 

He angrily shoves the emotions deep into his chest. If he can’t explain them, he’s not going to give them the right of control over his actions. 

(He ignores the prevalent fact that he has just lied to his best friend in order to escape his presence, but denial, evidently, is not just a river in Egypt). 

“Sorry,” Declan spits out, meaning so much more than it seems. He stands, grabs his backpack, shoving papers and folders into it haphazardly. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“See you tomorrow,” Logan calls out hollowly. Declan takes that as his leave and he slips out Logan’s bedroom door, backpack in tow, keys clicking in his pocket. 

Something deep inside him aches. But he doesn’t know why. 

Frustrated, Declan gets into his car and slams the door shut, fingers white-knuckled against the steering wheel. He takes a breath. He’s fine, he’s fine. He’s probably just sick, or something. 

Or something. 

Not for the first time, Declan longs for a working aux connection. 

Because flicking through radio stations does not help. 

Lewis Capaldi croons Someone you loved on one, Sam Smith singing Dancing with a Stranger. He woefully flips through two channels on commercial break, groaning when the last one has Adele, which, really?

He remembers Virgil’s favorite station, and turns up the volume to forty, My Chemical Romance’s Mama screaming from his speakers. He pulls into his driveway with Hallelujah by Panic! at the Disco blowing his ears out when he remembers that Logan once spent hours rambling about Brenden Urie and a conspiracy about curses and he slams his palms on his steering wheel, furious. 

Can he not escape Logan for a moment? 

As Declan slams the car door shut, throwing his backpack over his shoulders, and freezes at the sight of the stupid Beware, dog sign that Logan had vandelized to read Beware, snake, he realizes that no, he really can’t. Because Logan is his best friend, his favorite person, and his life is irreversibly intertwined with Logan unless he up and leaves with absolutely nothing, starting from scratch. Which would be worse than death. 

He trudges up the stairs like a funeral dirge and when his door shuts with a click he leans against it, steadily sliding down until his knees almost touch his chin. 

“Fuck,” Declan says out loud, unable to keep the emotion termoil inside like it should be. 

His phone buzzes where it fell from his hands, angry against the carpet. Declan sighs. Rubs a hand down his face. And picks up the phone. 

There’s one text from Logan that reads, “are you okay? I’m not irritated but you left rather…” 

Well. The beginning reads as such. Declan assumes there’s more, but he’s unwilling to open it for the time being. 

Then he has three from Virgil, two of which reference an obscure meme video and the third which reads “r u home i wanna play dark souls on ur ps4”. 

And there’s a text from Patton asking if he wants normal chocolate chips or mint ones, and a followup that proclaims “never mind i got both! :3c”. 

He sends a quick “no” back to Virgil and merely opens the texts from Patton, leaving only Logan’s unopened. I’m not irritated but you left rather… suddenly? 

A strange emotion flutters about Declan’s chest and he groans. He doesn’t feel this way about his other friends, not even Virgil, who he’s known for ages and has gone through four too many devastating arguments to not be close with. Nor does he feel like this with Patton, his brother. Those bonds are, he’s certain, platonic--

Declan lurches forwards with a gasp, the realization bowling him over and leaving him breathless. He curls his fingers into the carpet, focusing on the texture instead of the immediate swirl of panic. 

He -- does he have a crush on Logan? Him, Declan, the aromantic king, who once boasted the world could never produce a human Declan could fall in love with?

And it doesn’t track with him falling for Logan either because Declan would have loved him months earlier, suddenly falling in love with someone he’s loved platonically… it just doesn’t make sense. Declan can’t wrap his mind around it. 

Maybe he’s just reading the emotions wrong. How can he -- what can he do that -- which -- 

What would Logan do? 

An experiment, Declan’s mind supplies helpfully, so, well. Declan pressed his back against the wood of his door and thinks. 

Hypothesis: he’s in love with Logan. 

In love? A very rational part of his brain yells. You were talking about a crush before!

So Declan thinks, and revises. Hypothesis: he’s feeling romantic attraction to Logan. 

Then he takes a few minutes trying to remember the following step in the scientific method and ends up looking it up on his phone, and it’s really long so he’s just going to cut some corners. 

Procedure: 

Well, Declan can’t think of any way to do this physically without making an entire fool of himself, so he changes the experiment into a thought experiment. 

Procedure: Consider emotions of other relationships and compare to feelings for Logan. 

Okay. Declan settles. He considers. He tries to imagine holding hands with Virgil and giving him flowers, but he can’t really picture giving Logan flowers either, so if it’s weird for both -- but he wants to hold Logan’s hand, not Virgil’s, and sometimes Patton’s, and Patton is his brother, he knows for sure his emotions are strictly platonic. So if Patton is the control group, the certainty of platonic emotions, Virgil is the one with normal emotions, and Logan has some weird emotions, so if Virgil and Logan’s are merely two different shades of friendship then Declan will know. 

Declan closes his eyes and imagines kissing Logan, because that’s what romantic partners do, right? He imagines stepping closer to him until there’s inches of space between them.. Declan thinks about leaning in, brushing lips before pressing in, heat curling in his chest and oh god, oh god Declan’s face is on fire. 

His eyes shoot open and he can only imagine how panicked he must look right now. He presses his hand against his chest, taking deep breaths. Then, reluctantly, he thinks about kissing Virgil -- nope, nope, eugh he physically shakes his head, gut rolling uncomfortably. 

So that is a big contender for Declan has romantic feelings for Logan. 

He sighs and clunks his head against the door. This sucks. Declan hates feelings. 

The door downstairs sounds, opening and closing, followed by a resounding, “HEY, CICI, LOVE YOU!” 

Dee sighs, a smile flickering across his face. He pushes to his feet and exits his room, wandering downstairs, aloof. 

“Hey Pat,” he says, leaning against a wall. 

“Ci, I’m making lots of cookies!” Patton declares, beaming at him, and Declan’s heart drops. 

His expression must, too, because Patton’s features are suddenly painted in concern. “What’s wrong?” 

“I should be asking you that,” Declan says, and he feels bad, unexpectedly, for not replying to Patton’s text earlier. “Lots of cookies? With mint and chocolate chips? Enough to feed an army?” 

Patton’s arms wilt and Declan reads the tremor in his shoulders, the glisten of his eyes. Patton tries for a smile and misses by a mile. 

Declan crosses to where Patton stands in five steps, wrapping his arms around his smaller brother, pressing his cheek against Patton’s head. “What’s wrong?” 

Patton takes a shuddering breath, returning the hug. “Nothing, really. I’m glad you’re home.” 

“Ah,” Declan says. He tightens his grip on Patton. “Do you want help?” 

“No.” Patton presses his face into Declan’s chest. He’s shaking, ever so slightly. “Can you talk with me at the counter, though?” 

“Of course,” Declan agrees, mentally side-tabling his emotional turmoil. 

“Okay,” Patton says. He’s quiet for a few more moments, then says, “And Steven Universe later?” 

“Anything,” Declan says. He makes a face. The word had slipped out unbidden, but Patton doesn’t tease him for it. 

“Alright.” Patton pulls away, takes a breath. “I’m about to make the best damn cookies the world has ever seen.” 

“Damn straight,” Declan says, grinning. Patton pauses for just one moment more before moving to the kitchen, dropping various ingredients onto the counter and moving smoothly to gather more. 

Declan wonders at his influence on Patton’s vulgar mouth, then shrugs. Patton’s a teenager. He can do what he wants. 

“Weren’t you hanging out with Logan?” Patton asks conversationally. He’s pulling down bowls and sugar, obviously expecting easy small talk. And normally Logan is easy for Declan to talk about. He talks about him all the time.  

So when Declan winces, Patton turns and addresses him with full attention, brows furrowed. “What? What happened?” 

“I…” Declan considers for a moment to just lie about it but dismisses the thought. This is Patton. “I think I have a romantic attraction for him.” 

Saying it out loud only cements the certainty in Declan’s chest. No, he hasn’t quite completed the experiment, but he just… knows. 

The knowledge is both relieves and spikes his anxiety about the whole situation. 

“Oh,” Patton says, eyes wide. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Not really,” Declan says honestly. 

“Alright,” Patton says. He turns back around and a wave of affection flows through Declan. “How did Roman do on his audition?” 

Declan hums, eternally grateful for Patton’s ability to turn the conversation away. They talk about Roman’s skill as an actor for a few minutes, jumping to Patton’s involvement in VEX robotics (focusing on the robotics instead of the people) and they kill about forty minutes with Patton talking about his baby bot, Pat Jr. 

When the clock strikes seven, Declan throws together two grilled cheese sandwiches and they eat in front of Steven Universe and the gems, Declan stretched out along the couch and Patton creating a throne of blankets for himself. 

“I know you don’t want to talk about it,” Patton murmurs, eyes never straying from the bursts of pastel on the screen, “but if you do have a romantic attraction to Logan it’s okay. You weren’t wrong in saying you’re aromantic. Because that fits you, you like it. There’s just more strings attached than you originally thought.” 

Declan blinks, the smallest smile growing on his face. “Thanks, Pat.” 

Patton hugs a pillow, eyes bright. “Love you, Ci.” 

Declan pushes his foot against Patton’s blanket pile in response. 

--

“Do you think we have to move?” Patton says, three hours into their movie night. 

Declan breathes, slowly inhaling as if it gives him an excuse to not reply. “I didn’t. I don’t want to. But probably.” 

“That’s why you haven’t told anyone,” Patton says. He shifts, turning to look at Declan. Declan maintains eye contact with the screen, despite having seen this movie countless times. “And why you told me to keep it under wraps.” 

“Yes,” Declan says, because really, he lies to the world, but he doesn’t lie to Patton. 

He tries not to lie to Patton. 

“But something changed yesterday.” Patton’s not asking questions. Somehow, he just knows, despite being left out of the loop. “And you were going to tell Logan today.” 

“Yes,” Declan says. Static thrums through his veins. Aladdin ignores a buzzing genie on screen, swatting him away to benefit his own desires. 

“What happened?” 

“Mom’s not getting out,” Declan says simply, because that’s it, really. Their mother is not getting out of jail. And with no father, their final hope is their uncle, three states over. Their father’s brother. 

Two months away from eighteen, and Declan is forced to concede. 

“When?” Patton asks. He’s trembling, but he’s not crying. Declan knows that will come later. 

“Because of the legal mixups and leaning on Sasha, two weeks, probably,” Declan says. Sasha is, of course, their next door neighbor, the crazy cat lady of the street who “watches” the boys “all the time”. 

“Two weeks,” Patton whispers. There’s a sheen in his eyes. Declan tries not to look but his gaze is like a magnet and Patton stares, stares, stares. “That’s not enough time. That’s not…”

Declan closes his eyes. 

He really thought he would win. 

He thought he could win. 

They only had to last two more months. His deadbeat mom had to last two months and they couldn’t even keep the legal proceedings--

He takes a breath. “Uncle Thomas is nice, at least.” 

“I don’t want uncle Thomas,” Patton snaps. 

“Well we don’t have a choice, Pat,” Declan bites out, stomach rolling at the words, eyes snapping open. 

Patton recoils, hurt flickering behind his eyes, but Declan knows it’s not enough to overpower the fire roaring in Patton’s lungs. “We did, we could have put more savings into mom’s defense, we could have found a place to live before it was our last resort but now we have to tell all our friends that we’re moving hundreds of miles away in two weeks!” 

“Mom doesn’t deserve to get out,” Declan spits. 

“I don’t CARE.” Patton’s fingers are clenched in fists. He stands. “I don’t care if mom deserves it or not. We deserve to stay.” 

“The world doesn’t work like that,” Declan says. 

Patton opens his mouth and snaps it shut, obviously restraining himself. A thousand emotions swim behind his eyes. Declan hates every single moment but he doesn’t say a word. 

He leaves. 

He leaves Declan sitting alone on the couch, watching Patton’s favorite movie. A door slams shut and Declan exhales heavily. They don’t get into fights, it’s just not -- Patton’s normally too upbeat to bother, Patton hates being angry, Declan normally doesn’t -- there’s nothing to get angry about, not in the grand scheme of things. They share easily, they have chaotic conversations, they… 

They’re fighting. 

Declan buries his head in his hands. He was too hopeful, too caught up on the possibility of the future to notice the sinkhole of reality. 

He really thought -- things would work out, Patton has his lucky charm of a personality and Declan works, he works hard, so things should -- Declan’s a senior in high school, halfway through the first semester, he should be worried about grades and school dances and friends and crushes and --

Logan. 

Declan curls, releasing something like a sob or maybe a dry heave. Whether or not he’s in love with Logan (most signs point to yes but there’s no way Declan’s addressing that) he still loves Logan, he loves being with him and talking to him and ordering his ice cream before Logan gets there to see the surprised and fond expression cross his face. 

Two weeks? 

To say goodbye to his best friend? 

Before moving, before picking up his entire life and his family (just -- Patton. Just Patton) and going somewhere Else?

Declan doesn’t feel like an adult. 

He doesn’t want to be an adult, either. 

Even if the world is asking him to be one. 

--

“You’re acting strange,” Logan observes. 

Declan shrugs. “I’m always strange.” He takes advantage of shoving fries in his face to avoid expounding. 

Logan sighs and puts down his burger. “Declan. Something’s going on.” 

Several somethings are going on, actually, but thanks. Declan shrugs again. “Haven’t been getting much sleep.” Which is a true statement. He’s written about ten different ways to tell Logan he’s leaving, nine of which are ripped up in the trash, one of which Declan just burned because he doesn’t want even scraps of that disaster to exist. 

Five days to go and Declan still hasn’t told him. Five days.  They don’t have many classes together, otherwise Logan would have pieced together the weird treatment from the teachers. Declan wonders if just disappearing into the void is an alright way to go, but a little Patton in his head chastises him for even considering it. 

Then again, at this rate…

“Hm,” Logan says. He has a thoughtful look on his face that’s absolutely devastating to Declan’s heart and general health and coherence of thought, let alone considering what’s about to come out of his mouth. “Is there a reason?” 

Declan considers, eyes narrowing as he stares at nothing. “I neglect to answer that question.” 

“So yes,” Logan says. The words fall from his lips with crushing sorrow. He takes a breath. “Why aren’t you telling me?” 

“Telling you what?” Declan says, internally wincing at the hurt flickering through Logan’s eyes.  

“Okay,” Logan says instead. He turns back to his food. 

They eat the rest of the meal in silence. 

-- 

Declan watches absentmindedly as Logan attempts to make a tower out of pens and pencils. With the addition of Roman’s copious amounts of colored pens, the tower is quite impressive. 

Two days. 

(Two Days).

Declan’s all packed. Sorta. Not really. He’s going to skip some classes in the future and pack all at once, throwing everything into the boxes (the empty boxes lining his room), not caring if anything breaks. 

He… 

He hasn’t told Logan yet. 

Or anyone, really, but Logan’s the one that -- the one that matters the most. 

Logan did, however, ask him if he was okay three times before leaving him be, because Logan knows that Declan becomes testy if asked the same question consistently. 

So basically, as far as Declan can figure, Declan’s a tool. Logan is trying, and Declan is giving him jack shit to work with. 

Patton has told all his friends, which means it’s only a matter of time before Logan finds out, right? Patton’s a sophomore, they’re seniors, and the school is large, but it’s also not as big as it seems. 

Roman, sitting next to him, hums under his breath as he types. He’s editing his college essay, which Declan would be doing if he had a college essay to edit and also cared enough. The atmosphere is strikingly calm, which leads to an anxious buzzing under Declan’s skin. 

Tell him. Just tell him. Just open your mouth and tell him. You’re in a library, he can’t get loud and yell. 

Declan wonders if yelling would be better, actually, than wide eyed stares and wounded expressions. 

He’s contemplating the merits of writing a letter (absolutely not, he doesn’t know why he’s even considering it) when he spots Patton out of the corner of his eye. 

Patton in and of himself does not scare Declan. 

The fact that he’s bee-lining for Declan and his friends does make him a bit nervous, though. 

“Cici,” Patton hisses. The cutesy play on Declan’s middle name sounds odd in such a harsh tone of voice. He glances at Logan before staring at Declan. 

Declan’s starkly aware of Roman and Logan’s attention when he says, “yeah?” 

“You told them?” Patton says, and Declan--

Well. 

A combination of fear and fury and regret zip through his veins at warp speed.

But Declan’s well trained in the art of deception. 

He schools his expression into one of cool indifference. “That I’m taking you for ice cream? Nah. I didn’t think they’d care. You wanna go right now?” 

Roman huffs a laugh, turning his attention back to his computer. Logan doesn’t look away, though, hand resting on a bright yellow flair pen. 

Patton’s brow furrows. “I mean the--”

“Man, if you were that impatient you could’ve texted me,” Declan interrupts with a long, drawn-out sigh. He stands, swinging his backpack over his shoulders. “I’ll see you guys later.” 

“Get me some ice cream next time,” Roman says, grinning. His gaze doesn’t leave his screen. “Bye, loser.” 

“Bye,” Logan echoes. 

Something registers in Declan’s brain-dead skull that Logan sounds lifeless because his best friend has been distant (Declan. Declan is Logan’s best friend). 

Declan pauses, sighs. Patton looks outraged and about two seconds from outing Declan. 

“I’m sorry,” Declan says. Logan looks up at him. “It’s not your fault. Just… I’m going through some things. You deserve to know. I shouldn’t shadow you without any info.” 

Patton looks even angrier, if possible, but then Logan’s talking and Patton hates interrupting people. 

“Okay,” Logan says, soft as ever. “I’ll wait for you.” 

And if that doesn’t make Declan feel like the nastiest motherfucker. 

“Let’s go,” Declan says, pulling Patton along before Patton lets loose. 

He opens his mouth, but Declan beats him to it, whispering, “Shh, we’re in a library.” 

“I cannot fucking believe you,” Patton hisses instead. 

“Language.” 

“You haven’t told them?” Patton exclaims. He yanks his wrist from Declan’s grip but continues following him, arms gesturing wildly. “You’re the worst.” 

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Declan mutters. 

“You better get me ice cream now,” Patton says, crossing his arms. “After making me watch that.” 

“That’s fair,” Declan concedes, and then realizes he’s going to have to spent the next thirty minutes listening to Patton chastise him and -- 

Honestly, he deserves it, but he doesn’t want it, but before he can say anything, Patton says, “don’t even think about escaping this.” 

So he’s stuck listening to Patton chastise him for the next thirty minutes until their next class starts. 

But he gets a turtle sundae out of it, so it’s like, at least 20% a win. 

--

“CICI,” Patton screams from the living room. 

Declan shoots to his feet, tripping and slamming his knee into the doorframe, scrambling to reach Patton as swiftly as possible. He appears at the edge of the living room, hand pressed against the wall, chest heaving, eyes blown wide. “What? What is it?” 

He assesses Patton for damage, but Patton’s standing with his phone clutched between his fingers, shaking ever so slightly but appearing physically fine. He’s staring at Declan, lip trembling. 

“Patton?�� Declan says. 

Patton opens his mouth, tears dripping down his cheeks. He sniffs, making an angry noise in the back of his throat as he wipes at his face. “I shouldn’t tell you! I should let you suffer because you’re mean.” 

“Patton,” Declan says, approaching his brother like one might a wild animal. 

Patton shakes his head and Declan stops. 

“I’m upset!” Patton says. Then he lets out a laugh, choked. “But I’m so relieved.”

Declan doesn’t say anything. 

Patton sniffles a few more times, then peeks at Declan through his fingers. Declan tries for a smile, sheepish. Patton smiles back, watery and soft. His shoulders shake as he laughs softly, his phone pressed against his cheek. “I was so scared.” 

“Me too,” Declan says. 

“I’m sorry,” Patton says, the anger draining from his face and leaving a wide-eyed pile of nerves. “I didn’t mean it. You’re not mean. You’re just scared.” 

“It’s okay,” Declan says. His arms hand limply by his sides. He wants to do something with them, to cross his arms or put them in his hoodie pockets or something, but he also wants to leave them available for when Patton wants a hug, so he stands awkwardly instead. “I forgive you.” 

“I’ve been calling Uncle Thomas,” Patton says. 

Declan’s heart does something funny in his chest. 

Patton pulls his hands away from his face, rubbing his cheeks clean, staring at his phone for a few moments before his hand drops, dangling at his side. “He’s -- he said he’s coming here. His job can be done online and the stuff he can’t do online he’ll fly back for which won’t be often, he said it’s important to him that we -- have a support system throughout highschool, and he wants us to finish here before doing anything else.” 

The information barely filters through Declan’s mind because when Patton exhales another sob Declan steps forward and envelops him in his arms on instinct. Patton’s legs go weak. Declan sinks to the ground, Patton pressing his face into Declan’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” Patton mumbles. “I don’t know why I’m crying. This is good. This is good.” 

“Sometimes emotions have a funny way of showing,” Declan says. He runs his fingers through Patton’s hair, untangling the curls. “You’ve been stressed. It’s okay.” 

“Why aren’t you crying?” Patton says. He taps his palm against Declan’s chest, reminiscent of a smack without any of the power. “It’s not fair.”

Declan laughs, sort of. “I might later. I don’t know. Emotions are weird.” 

“You never told your friends you were moving,” Patton says. “Will they ever find out?” 

“Probably,” Declan says. He squeezes Patton. “I know you told your friends. It’s better your way. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.” 

“Mm.” 

Declan can feel the rise and fall of Patton’s chest. It slows as Patton calms down. “We don’t have to move,” Patton murmurs. 

“We don’t have to move,” Declan agrees, and Patton presses even closer. 

--

Declan doesn’t know how he finds his way to the beach but at one point he’s baking Patton cookies and the next he’s sitting on a slab of concrete overlooking the pitch dark waves. He knows Patton is sleeping, or is at least pretending to sleep. He vaguely remembers writing a note in case Patton looks for him. 

It’s been three days since Patton discovered Uncle Thomas’s moving plans. Discovered? Convinced? Declan isn’t sure. 

And he doesn’t really know how to react. He’s been moving on autopilot, making dinner, doing homework, putting in minimal effort into his friendships so they don’t abandon him on the side of the road -- 

No. Declan shakes his head. Putting minimal effort into his friendships because his friends don’t deserve to be cut off without a word. 

Nothing feels right. 

(Something is off). 

He hears footsteps and before he can whip around, before fear has the chance to truly take over his body, he hears, “this seat taken?” 

“No,” Declan says, and Logan sits next to him on the concrete. They’re quiet for a few moments, watching the reflection of the moon, tasting salt on their tongues. 

“Will you tell me what’s going on?” Logan says finally. 

Declan closes his eyes, breathes. His emotions are all tangled up in his chest and he doesn’t want to tap into it for fear that if he lets out a little he’ll let out everything. 

But Logan deserves to know. 

(He deserves someone better.)

“My mom lost,” Declan says, which sounds nicer than it did in his head. “She’s unfit to care for us, anyway, but now she’s officially calling prison her new home.” 

Logan’s quiet. Declan listens to his breathing. He spies Logan’s hand against the concrete and longs to close the distance and entangle their fingers, just for a modicum of physical comfort. The slightest hint of warmth permeates the air around Logan and Declan wants to lean closer, to press their arms together. 

“My Uncle, on my dad’s side, is taking care of us. He… wasn’t originally going to move here, but Patton talked to him and he decided moving here is the best course of action.” Declan shifts. He doesn’t know how to say it. He doesn’t know how to explain. 

Logan stops breathing. 

“I almost lost you,” he says, and it’s barely a whisper. 

Declan glances at him and can barely comprehend the amount of horror shining in Logan’s eyes. Logan’s staring at him, expression open and terrified. “I almost…” He exhales, shaking. Declan watches him so closely he can see the sticking of his chest as he breathes, the tremor of his shoulders. 

Declan’s heart stutters and he wants to tear his gaze away but he owes, he owes Logan this. Even though the only thing he wants to do is run away, to preserve himself. “I -- I never told you,” Declan says, more scared than he has been in a long time. He opens his mouth and stops, shrinking away. He looks over Logan’s shoulder, unable to maintain eye contact. “We were supposed to leave two days ago. I was going to tell you and then…” 

Then I found out that I’m in love with you, and it freaked me out so much I closed myself off. 

Logan’s truly shaking, and Declan doesn’t know what to do. You caused this. This is your fault. 

“Ugh! I’m sorry,” Declan exclaims. He can’t stand this, these tentative moments, fragile as glass. He wants to take a hammer to the whole affair. “I’m sorry. I know it’s not much but I was scared, and it’s not a valid excuse, but I was terrified, Logan, I couldn’t leave you! You mean too much to me!” 

“You mean a lot to me too,” Logan says, but Declan’s on a roll, now, there’s no stopping the hurricane in his heart. 

He moves his gaze to the waves, finding solace and energy in the constancy. “I was going to tell you when we were hanging out a few weeks ago in your room, and then I freaked out because -- and then I left, and haven’t been able to figure out how to word it since, and Patton’s better than I am, he told his friends almost immediately, imagine, having worse emotional competency than a fifteen year old--”

“Roman found out,” Logan says, grinding Declan’s tangent to a halt. “He mentioned something to me but I needed to hear it from you.” 

Declan stares at him. 

“I asked Patton if you were at home,” Logan explains. Declan can barely tell in the shadows, but Logan’s face seems to darken. “When he said no, I knew there was one other place you would go. Probably.” 

Declan worries his lip. He’s that predictable? 

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” Logan asks, quiet. 

“Because…” Liquid anxiety slogs through his veins. His voice drops, quiet, quieter than the sound of waves. “Because I think I’m in love with you, and I’m terrified.” 

For a second all he can hear is the crash of the sea and his heartbeat pounding in his ears. He doesn’t know why the moon isn’t falling from the sky, why the stars haven’t combusted, because his world feels like it’s falling apart at the seams. 

“I discovered that,” Declan continues, the words slipping between his lips before his mind has any say in the matter, “and didn’t know what to do, and then I needed to tell you I was leaving, and I love you, and I couldn’t. Because I’m a coward.” 

Another beat. Declan takes a long breath. “I still love you. And I’m no longer leaving.” 

“I suppose… now would be a bad time to bring up demiromanticism?” Logan tries. 

“It would be a terrible time, but thank you,” Declan says, and he can’t help the small puff of laughter that escapes. 

“I love you too,” Logan says, then, and Declan can’t breathe. 

He turns to Logan without thinking, searching his sapphire blue eyes for deception even though Logan has never, ever lied to him. He can’t hope, he can’t dare to hope, the world would never give him two miracles. “Don’t trick me.” 

“I’m in love with you,” Logan clarifies, nervous. His hands are wringing together and he’s biting his lip. 

Declan reaches out, fingers trembling, to brush against Logan’s cheek. “You…”

“I’ve been in love with you,” Logan says. He’s looking down, away from Declan’s gaze, but he leans into his touch. “For awhile. I never wanted to bring it up because… you were so adamant about being separate from romance…”

“I thought I was,” Declan says honestly. “Which is why this is a real fucking trip, let me tell you.” 

Logan laughs, and some of the tension in the air dissolves. “I can imagine.” 

“God, I love you,” Declan says. He brushes his thumb underneath Logan’s eye. 

“I love you too,” Logan says, eyes wide and sparkling, then he moves forward and cradles Declan’s head in his hands and Declan short circuits because he’s right there he’s RIGHT THERE and he’s touching him he loves him he loves him--

“You’re gorgeous,” Logan says, and Declan just stares at him dumbly because his mouth stops working. His heart is barely going, the only reason he’s not dead is because his body has some sort of instinctive survival instinct, or something. 

Emotion clog his throat and Declan doesn’t know how he’s not sobbing already so he’s unsurprised when the smallest tear slips out of his eye. 

“Oh,” Logan says, wiping the tear away. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s -- it’s not -- it’s not you,” Declan chokes out. “God. This is so embarrassing.” 

“I don’t care,” Logan says. He leans closer, pressing their foreheads together and staring into Declan’s eyes. “It’s okay to cry.” 

Declan smiles thinly, blinking away tears. “I don’t deserve you.” 

Logan stares at him, brows furrowing. “What?”

“You’re so beautiful,” Declan says. His trembling hands hold Logan’s jaw. “And you’re so smart and passionate, and you have the most wicked sense of humor, and you’re my best friend.” 

“No,” Logan shakes his head. “I mean, I am your best friend, but there’s no deserve in a relationship. We’re just people. People make mistakes. I make mistakes. Please don’t sell yourself short.” 

Declan wants to say that only proves how good Logan truly is, but he settles for a simple, “Okay.” 

Logan brushes hair out of Declan’s eyes, then sighs, dropping his head to Declan’s shoulder. Declan’s hands slide down to Logan’s upper back.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Declan says. 

“I’m glad you’re here too,” Logan replies, muffled. He pulls away for a split second, eyes blurry and a crease already showing from his glasses pressing into his skin. “But if you withhold life-altering information like that from me again there will be issues.” 

“I won’t,” Declan says. He swallows. He hates promises. He hates them, because he never feels like he can maintain them. “I’ll… I’ll try my hardest.” 

Logan searches his gaze, nods, and then presses fully into Declan. 

“Woah, okay.” Declan shifts as Logan clings to him like a koala bear. Logan’s basically in his lap and Declan, well. Declan has no complaints. 

“I can do this as much as I want because we’re in love with each other,” Logan mutters, and wow, if that doesn’t send a thousand vibrations across his skin. In love with each other. 

Declan grins. He likes the sound of that. 

“You know,” Logan says conversationally. His fingers trail up to press against Declan’s face, outlining his lips. “I love it when you smile.” 

Declan hums, his smile broadening. Me too, Logan. 

Me too.

[amintyworld]

Sanders Sides Masterpost!

*TRIGGER WARNINGS AT THE BEGINNING OF EACH STORY!*

One-Shots:

All I Need Is You - When Deceit's birthday rolls around, Remus goes all out for his boyfriend. Ship: Demus (Remus x Janus) - Fluff

Tainted Friendships (Sanders Sides Mafia AU credit to @5am-the-foxing-hour) - A bit of backstory into how Virgil left his Mafia family. Ship: Demus (Remus x Janus) - Angst

A Sick Day - Remus gets sick, and the others take care of him. Little did they know what was to come. - Hurt/Comfort

A Snake’s Love (Spy AU belongs to me) - Snakey and Spidey had a simple mission: Get in, steal the artifact, get out. But a certain prince complicates things further. Ship: Roceit (Roman x Janus)

Empty - (Based on a prompt idea from @sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes) What if Accepting Anxiety, the sides were too late? - Angst

Baby it’s Cold Outside (Deceitber Prompt) - When Remus becomes a workaholic, Deceit has a plan to take him away from his work for good. Ship: Demus (Remus x Janus) - Fluff

How Virgil Met Emile - (Kitten AU belongs to me) A blind newborn kitten Virgil must survive the rain and cold without his mother. - Hurt/Comfort

Broken - (Ask Prompt) When Virgil is kidnapped by the Dragon Witch and tortured to give up his power to the Dragon Witch to hurt Thomas, the gang fight to save their emo. Ship: Anaroceit (Virgil x Roman x Janus) - Hurt/Comfort

Starving - (Ask Prompt) When Virgil’s vampire abilities go extreme, he decides to call in sick. Ship: Analogical (Virgil x Logan) - Hurt/Comfort

Broken Heart - (Ask Prompt) Remus has had enough. Ship: Royality (Patton x Roman) - Angst

A Pirate’s Wedding - (Based on the Mer AU by @voidsides) It’s Logan’s and Patton’s wedding day, and things don’t exactly all go to plan. Ship: Logicality (Logan x Patton) - Fluff and Angst

Patton The Protector - (Based on a Prompt by @sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes) Patton will stop at nothing to protect those he loves, even if it means fighting one of his own. - Angst

All These Years - (Based on the TTRPG AU by @ask-fantasy-sanders-sides) Due to his drow blood, Virgil must watch his friends die as the years go by. Will he find happiness in a world without them? - Angst

Hot and Cold - (Ask Prompt) After a argument goes south between Janus and Virgil, Virgil runs away into a incoming snowstorm. Ship: Anxciet (Janus x Virgil) - Hurt/Comfort

Series:

Love in the Time of Hopelessness - Virgil Ingram held a life of solitude and music, trapped within the porcelain walls of Urgent Care. That is until a new arrival rolls into his life. Can Virgil find true love in the most unexpected place? - ON HAITUS

Ships: Prinxiety (Roman x Virgil), Dukeceit (Remus x Janus), Logicality (Patton x Logan)

Chapter One,  Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four

My Sides - Minty’s life is a bit of a hot mess. Enjoy this casual series about her crazy sides in their daily lives - Arra, Lily, Hedi, Rebecca, Despair and Deceit!

How I Met My Sides,  Despair,  Agony,  The Talk,  My Little Liar

Miracle Miraculous AU - Virgil is a normal teenager. He hangs out with his friend Patton. He does commission work for his crush, Roman Agreste. But.. when Hawkmoth akumatizes his victims, Virgil Ingram turns into Luckybug. Together with his partner Chat Noir, they save Paris. What will happen to the two partners as things shake up and secrets get revealed?

Ships: Logicality (Patton x Logan), Prinxiety (Roman x Virgil)

Chapter One: Overgrowth

Six AU - Prince Remy has the biggest decision of his life to make, and with so little time left before his 21st birthday, tensions are high. Taking the throne would ensure his country's safety, but it would mean being married to a complete stranger to forge much needed alliances. If he says no, he'd be known as a selfish traitor throughout his entire kingdom, but... he would be able to marry his longtime crush and best friend, Emile - who has made it clear that Remy should decide how he feels about him, and Emile would respect whatever decision gets made. Lucky, Remy has his spirit ancestors to guide him.

Ships: Remile (Remy x Emile), Moceit (Patton x Janus)

Chapter One: Ex-Kings, Chapter Two: No Way, Chapter Three: Don’t Lose Your Head